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bloodycassian · 3 years

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Az x reader. Part 3 of ‘tension’ fic where reader helps fight in the library. Azriel keeps trying to dig deeper on readers powers.

Rhysand moved pawns across the map on the table. Cassian watched, dread filling his gut with every new pawn his brother summoned.

"Do you have any other insights?" Rhys muttered, not looking toward Azriel leaning on the wall. The lavender curtains billowed on the balcony of the war room, as if they sensed the turmoil in the room. There was a storm brewing, Az could feel it in his bones. The chill it brought to the wind. The way his shadows clung closer to his body like a protective layer.

Az shook his head, wishing he had any clue what the new forces were doing. How they had even showed up on the northern border of the night court. His blood thrummed to protect, protect, protect his home.The shadows seemed irritated with him, whispering at him louder and louder. Growing restless.

"If they take the Illyrian steppes they'll be in for quite the surprise. It may buy us time." Cassian said softly, dragging a finger down the edge of the map. Rhys blew out a long breath.

"I know you're both doing your best. I need every piece of information possible. We need to know how they're taking the magic from those walls." He glanced to his shadowmaster. Azriel's heart sank. He was doing his cauldron's best to find out all he could. He didnt bother to put up the fight with Rhys. "Cassian we need the Illyrians to be ready. Have them stationed at the outposts as far north as they can go." His brother nodded. Rhys sighed deeply again. He looked tired.

"The beast in the library turned to ash. Went north. Could be a coincidence... or not..." Azriel muttered, offering the only damned thing he knew.

The rest of the night proceeded similarly, comparing information back and forth until they were tired.

+ "You look like shit." You said, part laughing but another half genuinely concerned. Azriel was slowly pulling his training sword from the rack. A small grin passed over his features.

"A Valkyrie in training should know better than to insult a better opponent." He said, inspecting the nick marks on the edge of the sword. It was a hardwood, light enough to simulate a real blade but dull so it didnt cut. His eyes narrowed at the blade, then turned on you.

"I wanted to try it." You said guiltily. "Gwyn insisted!" You tried to defend from that prying stare. He shook his head menacingly.

"This deserves a heavy punishment." His voice was low, almost a growl. It made your toes curl in your boots. Heat rise to your cheeks in the bright morning sun. He struck your shield fast as lightning. And you set off into training. A dance of swords clashing and heavy breathing. Relentless, focused and it would have been deadly if you used real blades. By the end you were exhausted, only able to weakly hold up your shield against his attacks. + "Are you a habitual liar or is it just for fun?" Az asked, washing his sweaty face off in the drink station at the corner of the ring. Shame and anger panged in your stomach. "I told you I didnt lie."

"Sorry, omitted information - as you call it." He shook his hair out, sending droplets flying at you. You wiped your face and gave him a look. He shrugged and towled out his hair. His muscles shone in the afternoon light. He had been brutal the entire training session. Your hands stung with the new blisters forming from your sword and shield.

You dunked your face and hair next, the cold water shocking you slightly. Waking you up from the slump you were feeling coming on. "Why would I tell a spy everything about me?" You sniped back at him, catching the towel he threw your way. It smelled like him, overwhelmingly. Your head spun.

Azriel hid his amused smile when he saw Cassian's dark wings loomed above. He nodded at his brother when he landed in the center of the ring. "Ready for round two, Valkyrie?" Cassian picked up your sword from where you had abandoned it at the edge of the ring.

You gave him a glare and he laughed. He flipped your sword in his hand like it was a toy. "Not a Valkyrie yet. I haven't cut the ribbon." You corrected him, trudging over and picking up your shield. It was definitely heavier than before. Your muscles begged you to put it down.

"Who needs a ribbon when you have light powers?" Cassian laughed, swinging your sword in the ring. You felt your cheeks heat. You just couldnt get them off your back about it. Azriel crossed his arms over his chest, grinning smugly. "I didnt ask for them. Give me my sword so I can go home." You growled, holding your hand out expectantly.

Cassian's face was a mix of confusion and his usual amusement when he turned back to you, holding your sword out on both hands and lowering his head. Honorable. You wanted to hit him with it.

Azriel seemed to appear from nowhere by the weapons rack. You didnt hear him approach. "Born with immense power, awful attitude...are you sure you're not Illyrian?" Cassian flicked your ear and you would have snatched it from him if you weren't so exhausted. Az held back a grin, knowing well that you were not in the mood. You leaned your weapon on the rack and held an arm out to Azriel. "Get me away from this war mongering beast please." You sighed, finally getting that full smile from him.

"Beast." Cassian laughed, "That's what Nes-" Azriel took off with you before you could hear the rest. You blocked what he was about to say from your memory. You groaned against the strain flying took. You arms felt like dead weight around Az's neck.

His scent was overpowering. Absolutely intoxicating. You tried to breath away from him, tried not to lean your head further on his shoulder to get to the core of that sweetness. His hair tickled your arm and you fought not to melt into him. It didnt help when he adjusted his grip to hold you closer.

Azriel's thoughts were muddled. The training had been tough, even for him. He tried focusing on the information you'd revealed to Cassian, but your scent was overpowering to him. He noted the pointed effort you made to not look at him. How your arms shook slightly around his neck. He told himself it was from the effort of training. The exhaustion setting in. It did nothing to quell his adrenaline pumping at the thought of the reaction being from him.

He landed with a grunt. His hands were stiff, but thankfully no cramping after the flight. The front door of your apartment had a bright red envelope on it.

"Guardian" scrawled out on the back of it made your mind spin. How had anyone beyond the library known? Did they actually know or was this just a new nickname?

"Someone was here it seems." Azriel said, folding his hands behind his back. His shadows dispatched to the area came back with nothing of use. No footprints, no scent, nothing left behind from whoever left the note. Concern grew when he watched as you flipped the envelope over. The wax seal was a dark purple, stamped with what looked to be a lion's head. "What is it?" He asked, trying to sound unconcerned.

You seemed to snap out of a trance. You quickly pulled yourself together. He couldnt know, he couldnt suspect anything of it. You had to be sure he didn't think a thing of the formal letter waiting in that envelope. You knew your homeland well enough to know this wasn't a simple greeting card.

"It's nothing, probably my landlord bitching again." You shrugged, turning your key in the deadbolt. He nodded, but still waited. As if waiting for an invitation inside. You heart sang to do so. The letter felt like a weight in your hand. You made your way inside as normal as you could. Trying to hide your shaking hands.

"Late training tomorrow?" You said with a sheepish grin, leaning in the doorway. He stepped back, understanding the body language. Smirking, he only shook his head. "We'll see. I'll be at your window if you dont answer the door though." And with that he was gone.

You were left alone with the deafening silence of your apartment. The letter smacked onto the table like a lead weight. You swore the sound echoed.

#azriel #acotar #acotar fic #azriel x reader #reader insert

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skinnyghosttears · 3 years

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April 13, 2021

2:10 am

Burned 500kcal. I wanted to burn 1000 but I feel so sick and I cant keep workout with this nausea. I feel like Im gonna vomit soon, I cant literally see or just think about any food without feeling worse so i really need to go to sleep. I planned tomorrow meals, Im under 400kcal and I'll try to burn at least 1000, but I want to try and skip lunch, telling mom I still dont feel good and I prefer just some tea. I should be really cool to stay lower than the plan. I checked the scale and the number was so disgusting.

I hope to sleep good.

12:57 pm

I struggled to fall asleep but this morning mom fell in my lie and I will skip lunch. I just get up, Im not sure I will exercise today since my brother will be at home all the time but I can walk at least. Yesterday I found spatzle at the store (ifk how many type of them exist but those have 157kcal x 100g so they are better than pasta) so Idk if I'll eat those or just some veggies. During the afternoon I want to try some chips (87kcal x 20g, the entire bag) but I'll wait, rn Im not hugry and if I will not crave them too much I will just eat them tomorrow. Yesterday I started my fast at 8:44pm, so I can do 20h for sure.

Im scared of the scale rn, I feel really bloated. I have a counter for my no-binge streak, yesterday I ate more but it was not a real binge, since I just picked fruit that I was not supposed to eat and added a piece of bread for my soup. I consider binging when I lost control so I think I will not reset the streak.

2:05 pm

Had my tea, it just made me feel nauseous again. I said to mom that maybe this is caused by me eating more that I planned but she took it "well" since anxiety already made me eat like nothing for a week some years ago. We have a lot of veggies at home so I can eat only them at dinner (at this point I want to avoid the chips) but I was thinking about no eating at dinner too, like, faking to eat a couple of bites and then said Im so nauseous again and just fast until tomorrow. If Im really hungry I can eat the veggies, Im just thinking about all the options.

Mom is going out so its time to walk!

4:12 pm

Burned 200kcal walking, mom sent a message asking how Im feeling and I told her I tried to eat a rice cake but the nausea still come back. At this point I can reach 40h with my fast, It will be over exactly for tomorrow lunch so... maybe...

Even if the nausea will go away I think I'll fake it until the weekend so I have an excuse for eat less.

6:01 pm

Thought about yesterday dinner and my stomach just sent another nausea wave, bitch wth. I talked with mom and she said that I should eat if and what I want, so I'll try to drink some tea for dinner and well, fake to try a biscuit. Tomorrow she's not be here for lunch so I can trick my brother too, so I can extend my fast until dinner if I want because for when she'll be back I'll just say I ate something, and then I'll eat veggies and one or two rice cakes for dinner. This sounds good. Later I'll go out for a walk with my dogs so I'll burn some calories again, and then after everyone went to sleep I can do the same.

8:08 pm

Mom told me that tomorrow she wants to go out for a couple of commissions and Im supposed to drive but uh, after over a day of fasting? Idk bro this looks like a mistake :') I'll try to find an excuse.

9:12 pm

Tricked everyone for dinner, I think I'll just reach lunch time tomorrow and then decide if I feel to continue the fast since I'm already tempted to stop. Wathever I'll decide, Im gonna cook some cucumbers and peppers in a pan an eat one or two rice cakes, or the rice cakes and some light cheese. I can fake a lunch without wasting food since no one will check in the fridge and no one eat rice cakes here, just me.

Maybe Im gonna walk later :')

10:23 pm

Stepped on the scale and holy shit. I hope its just water. I was doing good, its not possible that this is real weight. I just want to cry.

10:57 pm

Yook a long shower, Im incredibly bloated and I dont want to look ay myself.

It makes sense that maybe my body is holding water because im not eating at all? And I ate more than usual last time I did? Nvm dont mind me, Im just exausted and I want to sleep.

12:20 am

I cant sleep and I feel hungry and nauseous at the same time, wth...

#ana #proana #thinspiration #thinspo #thin #skinny #ed

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moshymosh · 4 years

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The Switch pt 5

A/N: So this part is just a filler cause in the movie you dont see much of Kassie’s pregnancy, so this part is 100% my idea. send me some feedback, and please send me some pictures or collages from this fic. Thanks guys.

Pairings: Bucky Barnes X Stark!Reader

Summary: One woman’s dream and one man’s drunken mistake. Will things turn out ok or will things go downhill.

|Previous part | Next part|

Y/N was true to her promise of keeping in touch. Y/N was working hard on her commission work so that she could be back with her family quicker.

Y/N was 3 months pregnant when she video called the tower for the first time.

"Oh my god, Y/N, you're glowing!" Natasha gushed to the woman on the other end of the line. Y/N waited to call home until everyone in the team was there.

"Natasha's right, pregnancy suits you." Pepper grinned, leaning against Tony.

Y/N stood up so the camera could see her upper body and face. "I look like I swallowed a watermelon." Y/N complained, lifting her shirt and turning to the side, so her profile was to them.

"Wow, Y/N, you're really growing." Steve said as he watched her rub her hand over her belly soothingly.

Bucky gulped at the sight. He thought she never looked prettier at that moment, glowing with her pregnancy. Bucky continued to stare at the picture on the screen, dreamily.

"Hey, brother bear, make sure everyone gets copies of all three ultrasound pictures I sent you." Y/N said, now sitting back on her couch. "Oh! Guys! Listen!" Y/N said excitedly as she pulled out her phone, playing the sound file of her baby's heartbeat.

Bucky dreamed about that sound for weeks, wishing that it was his baby. He still didn't remember what happened the night of Y/N's party.

Y/N called again 3 months later. She was now Six and a half months pregnant.

"You guys have no idea how much I want this to be over." Y/N groaned as she repeated her motions, showing off her more distended belly. Little did the team know that Y/N had a surprise for them. In perfect artist fashion, she painted one side of her pregnant belly pink, the color telling of her baby's gender.

Y/N sighed dramatically while she turned so that the pink side showed. The sight of this earned a gasped from Pepper and Natasha.

"Y/N/N, why is this side painted pink?" Steve asked, clueless to the reason.

Y/N laughed at the reactions of the two women and the confusion of everyone else. "Two of them got it. Care to share with the class?" Y/N sassed to the camera.

"You're having a girl?!" Both Nat and Pepper exclaimed, causing everyone else to jump at their surprise.

"Yes!" Y/N said, laughing before she pulled out her phone. "Take a listen to little Monet Anastasia Stark's heartbeat." Y/N ended the call the same way as last time, telling Tony to give everyone the pictures.

"My little girl." He said softly as he gently ran his finger over his copy of the ultrasound picture. Bucky fell asleep dreaming of the little girl's fast heartbeat. He dreamed of a little girl calling him father, a little girl the perfect mixture of Y/N and him.

The next video call the team got was a week before Y/N's due date.

"Monet is a future spy, I swear." Y/N said, rubbing her jumping bell, trying to soothe the active baby inside.

"Excuse me, my niece will not be a spy." Tony scolded Y/N as he holds Morgan in his lap.

Y/N laughs, her hand still moving over her belly. She winced, causing everyone on the other end of the line to grow concerned.

"Sorry, she thinks my stomach is a trampoline, and Tony tell that to N-." Y/N was cut short by another wince, glancing down at her stomach before looking up at the screen in shock. "Uh, guys, I think I'm going to have to go."

"What? Why?" Bucky asked, not wanting her to go. This response was the first he had ever said during the calls.

"Well, Bucky boy." Y/N smiled at him sadly, wishing she was there with him. "My water just broke."

Y/N gave birth the next morning, sharing a birthday with her mother, Monet Anastasia Stark, graced the world with her presence. Y/N didn't make any more video calls after the birth, sticking to phone calls and mailing pictures of mother and daughter every month, and this happened for the next two years.

But Tony never shared those pictures with the team after he saw the first picture of baby Monet, Because Monet showed a lot of the same features as a certain super soldier on the team.

Tony had missed Y/N call, receiving a voicemail in its place. Tony played the voicemail so everyone could hear the message.

"Hey, everyone! I know Tony will play this for everyone, but I have some amazing news." Y/N said as Monet could be heard babbling in the background. "Monet, can you tell everyone?" Monet babbled a 'Home Mommy.' in reply to her mother's question.

"Monet, tell uncle Tony that we're coming home." Y/N said excitedly in the voicemail.

Bucky felt his heart speed up. His best girl and his baby girl are coming home. Bucky shifted in his seat on the couch in the common room in excitement. He gets to hold his best girl in his arms again and tell her how he feels.

"Everything that I've packed should arrive sometime tonight at the tower, but me and my little bear will be there tomorrow afternoon." Y/N said, "I love you guys." the voicemail ended.

'I love you too, Y/N. I love you so much.' Bucky thought. "So much." He whispered out loud, causing Steve to look at him and smirk knowingly.

#bucky barns x reader smut #bucky x you #bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x y/n #seb stan x reader #seb stan x y/n #seb stan x you #Moshymoshwrites #karmawrites

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pbandjesse · 4 years

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Today was a really nice day but I did not make any art and I feel a little bad about that. But thats is okay. It was still a really good day.

I had trouble falling asleep last night but I did sleep well. I got woken up before 830 because dad decided to call me to tell me to put air in our spare tire?? Why! James has triple A. And we have 2 different air compressors in the trunk. But it was nice to hear his voice even if I was very sleepy.

It was a beautiful day though. I got up and went to find James. I went and got a shower and washed my hair. And got dressed and felt really cute. I think I am back to daily eyeliner instead of mascara. Mascara in the summer, liner in the winter? Regardless it made me feel really pretty today.

I wasnt interested in eating anything. I played a little animal crossing while James read. But once I was done with that I just wandered around the apartment. Just kind of without purpose. James said we could go get groceries together but until then I didnt know what to do with myself.

James said we could leave around 11. So that at least gave me a timeframe. So I laid in bed and watched videos and chose the shoes I wanted to wear and I felt good.

We headed out and I wore my new mask that has flowers and is my favorite garnet color. And it was really lovely today. I am excited I can wear sweaters and things again.

The grocery store was fun. We discovered that the lettuce I got that I felt tasted weird was actually cabbage. Which makes sense why that didnt work well on my taco. James kept bullying me about that! I had a good time walking around and thinking of foods and it is a nice grocery store so it was fun.

We finished up shopping and paid. James forgot his wallet but I had mine. He went and got us quarters for laundry. And I waited and people watched.

As we left I noticed they had those little kid carts and was excited about that and as I was telling James that a kid ran past us and his mom apologized but said he was going for the mini carts. And I was like !! Yes!! I love those!! When I was a kid I remember I think the acme had those and I loved them. And there was a guy who worked there that I remember having blonde hair and was always nice to me and I dont know if I am remembering right but I do love those little carts.

After we dropped off the groceries in the car we ran over to the walgreens so I could get psoriasis shampoo. I also got a scalp exfoliator? I didnt even know that was a thing.

My total was 19.91 and thats the year I was born so I was very excited.

We had one more stop in that area. We walked across the street to the auto shop because my key had a low battery. And the guy was so nice?? He changed it for free and was so kind to me?? I did not expect he to be so nice. What a good guy.

We stopped at the donut shop before we went home and James got a coffee and I got juice and then we were off.

We went home and James unpacked everything and reshuffled the fridge. I decided that I would make soup. Spicy italian sausage with potatoes. And it came out really good. Very spicy.

James went on a bike ride and I played animal crossing. I found a dream island that is based on disney world and it was amazing! I spent almost an hour looking around and seeing all the spaces. I was so impressed with the details and honestly it was one of the best times Ive ever had on a dream island.

James was getting home as I was finishing up on there. And the rest of the afternoon was us just hanging out. Watching videos. I laid down for an hour but I didnt sleep. I hope that it will help me sleep a little better tonight.

I went to sit with James in the living room. And asked if I could paint his toes. And he let me! I gave him Halloween toes. And so we could match I took off some of my black polish in exchange for orange. First time in what. A decade. I haven't had black toenails. I kind of hate it but I like matching with my boyfriend.

We had pizza for dinner and James played a game with his friends. I went down and got the mail and discovered the new fleece I ordered came and I was like vibrating because its so nice!! Its a great brand, a beautiful color, and I had been so worried because I bought it and then realized it was a size small. But it fits me so well and I can zip it with no problem and I am just so thrilled about it.

I spent some time figuring out a good pin for the lapel. I had to fix the pin I chose, a little telephone my brother gave me. But I felt good and happy.

And now I am ready to go wash my face and get ready for bed. I hope tomorrow is more productive but just as happy. I hope you all sleep well tonight. Goodnight everyone!

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heads-in-the-clouds-spacecadet · 4 years

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When asked to write a daily diary for anxiety management.

Here are a few days example....

Sunday 24th

Mood/anxiety = numb.

Additional meds =8mg of diazipam.

My whole body aches yet it shouldn't. My stomach is growling yet i feel physically sick.

Things i ask myself....

Q.1 Will i leave my safe space, weighted blanket & mountain of pillows?

A.1 NO.

Q.2 Will i manage my yoga routine

A.2 NO

Reasons....Why

I feel exhausted even though ive not been outside since Thursday. I just want the aching to subside the pain to leave. My jaw is clenched closed making eating an ordeal. I know this needs to be done.

The dread of what passive aggressive message/s ill receive today either in person or written either way im struggling to motivate myself to move.

The Internet has been blocked for nearly a wk now. But i just let it slide as the saying goes choose your arguements "wifi is not the hill i want to die on" quote from TBBT. I hear Luke (my brother) is now in his bedroom and his door is closed. He has been banging around the house sending passive aggressive messages (sms) since 4am. My belongings that i left downstairs were thrown into my room. I'm nervous to leave my room till i know he is asleep.

Flashback/negative thoughts....

1. How can my baby brother be an emotional manipulator.

2. Last time i had to justify my everymove i was in Portugal in a very bad relationship.

*****Ways im looking to excuse his behaviour. Find the cause to my sudden crash of low mood aka depression with a nice battle of anxiety.

---Logically i know its not the same.

---Emotionally it hurts the same.

The way he looks at me with disgust, resentment & impatience is the trigger. I realise this. How someone you love can make you feel this way.

Solution: i decide to find a solution to the sudden conflict of money and i know there is a receipt in the car. I go to the normal place the keys are kept and theyre no where to be found. I look in all the obvious logical places they could be and realise theyre hidden by my loving brother. His Reasons, 1-to stop me buying shit (his words). 2. He has decided its his house, his car so therefore his rules. (Its all my mums btw)

As im downstairs i notice the kitchen is a mess. Pots all over from a feast Luke cooked up the night before. Or should i say 2am.

So i feel defeated. Ive basically been cleaning non stop everytime i use a room as per gov guidelines and he just doesnt seem to comprehend the severity of the situation.

I decide i need to eat. So i opt for Shreddies with Oat Milk (Luke has a serious milk allergy to the milk proteins in cows milk so im not fussed about milk and am happy to use alternatives) topped with vanilla soya yogurt, bannana, a few cranberries, 3 strawberries, sultanas and crushed Almonds. My logical brain is telling me eat well as we are not leaving the bedroom again unless desperate.

I send a few messages to the family whats app (Luke refuses to be a part of this) and receive encouraging and support in return. Everyone is struggling in their own way so i appreciate having a small outlet between us all.

After food i sleep finally.

Trying now to Ready myself for round 2 which i know is coming.

My mum calls i dont want to answer but i do. I explain the situation. She knows, she has dealt with his angry behaviour since he was 11yrs old. She stated she is coming to visit Tuesday as per new gov guidelines and we will meet in the park. She then asks me to pass the phone to Luke which i pointblank refuse. Im not ready for round 2 yet. Especially since he has his own phone he is just not answering making everyone worry about him but he just resents it. Its safe to say im proud i refused to do something. Gold star award ⭐

Monday 25th

Mood/Anxiety - still no change from yesterday but i decide i have to force myself to move. Wash, clean and pack the additional things my mum has requested.

Additional meds - i decided against taking anything today as i need to be clear headed for my appointment Tues and obvs my mums visit.

I check the weather see its a nice day decide washing is task 1. I set a bath running (multi tasking saving time from all the free time) and head downstairs to pop the washing machine on. Before i left my room i checked my phone for messages i have one from my mum telling me she has had words with Luke and that he needs to basically deal with the resentment in a more positive way.

This explains all the banging and loud music yesterday early eve. He decided to actually clean.

Anyhow I head downstairs. Kitchen is clean, messages all wiped from the black board.

I decide i must try and communicate with Luke as we cant take the conflict with us to the park it isnt fair to our mum.

I can hear him moving so send a sms message asking if he wants anything in the oven. No response. ***He did finally get out of bed at 3pm so a peaceful day so far.

I decide food is required. I opt for protein soya burgers x2 with Spinach, tomatos, avacado, sultanas, almond pieces and some crumpets. I sit in the garden to eat.

All washing is out and drying but im to anxiety ridden and unmotivated to enjoy the sunshine.

I head back to my room to sort bits for my mum and throw away my origami collection. It was over taking my room and again causing conflict.

Lukes awake!!!. I decide to say hello. So far so good. He decides to make himself lunch and throws a fit because i ate a £0.45 avocado. I walk away as i know he is just venting and i need to not start the circle of negative thoughts or interactions. This is rewarded with resentment. Luke suddenly decides to do his own washing and cut the grass. Which means my washing is in his way. Before he even starts i am pulling in whats dry mainly because i want to go back to bed and need my bedsheets but also because he wont care if my washing turns green or is damaged. To my delight my sheets are dry but my pjs etc need another 30mins so i leave them whilst i go and make my bed.

Im bellowed at about washing as Luke needs the line. So i head down stairs to reteive the rest of my belongings.

Self soothing thoughts...

Im walking on eggshells trying not to provoke the beast and i need to keep going. Focus on my achievements. I left my room. I cleaned myself, my clothing and my pillow fort which has been my safe zone for the past 4days.

Deep down thought i am disappointed as i know isolation and distancing is not a long turn solution as the yrs pass im becoming more and more isolated and lonely.

Im downstairs again and i ask Luke if he wants anything popping in the oven as i was having toast. He requested 2 burgers and chips but on seperate trays as he was hungry. Easy to do popped into the oven. 40mins later chips are cooked he is plating up and all he says is "why have you cooked so many chips, clearly we now live in a household of wastefulness".

This was the turning point for me id had enough for 1day and just told him to give it a rest and went to my room.

Im dozing with Big Bang on in the backround and Luke is banging on my door. Mums on the phone. Confirming arrangements for tomorrow. I say a few oks with the occasional nod.

I start packing the bits n bobs my mum has asked for and carry then downstairs so theyre ready for the car tomorrow am.

Its PJs and bed time. Luke has other ideas. He is awake and up and about at 4.30am. Having a bath at 5am, doing weights after his bath at 6am then leaves in the car at 7am. He is back around 8am banging has a shower then decides to leave again in the car. He is meant to be house-bound until July 1st. This in itself causes me anxiety as i cant handle watching another member of my family die in front of my eyes.

Thoughts...

Yes this is VERY dramatic. STOP IT BRAIN!

Take precautions all will be ok.

Tuesday 26th

Mood/Anxiety = No change

Additional meds = 4mg diazipam but late afternoon as i couldnt stop shaking and fidgeting.

My mum is coming to visit. Im trying not to think about the fact Luke is out of the house.

We are having a picnic social distancing style.

We head to the coop as Luke has decided even after knowing our mum all his life never be on time, we have to be early. I buy Costa coffee, fresh bread, hummus, bananas, diet coke and some biscuits the nature valley ones theyre really good. Luke doesnt go into the shop I think at least he is listening to some rules. He rolls his eyes as i spray the shopping with dettol spray and use the alcohol hand sanitizer for my hands and door handle etc. I just tell him its how it needs to be done.

We find a perfect parking spot under a bunch of trees. I notice that all the trees are trimmed in a very even shelf across the bottom. It looked like it was designed perfectly for people to walk straight onto the park from the car park without having to fight with tree branches or go around. But in actual fact its the deer. They eat the lower leaves this made me smile and relax for a moment. WIN.

My mum is late so im nervous that she is

1. Stuck somewhere (over reaction)

2. Lost (over reaction)

3. Just running late (normal reaction)

Im a tad fidgety as im aware i have an appointment in 2hrs. Hurry up MOTHER...

I ponder about work and whether or not ill still have a job to return too. Had an email this am stating theyre cutting 200jobs from the team i work in. So not sure if thats a good thing or not. But its also increasing my anxiety as ive read the email and now have a burning desire to do the research to see what my probability of keeping my job will be. Before my brain can go on a major tangent my mum arrives.

Shes brought Oscar (her poodle) he is so excited to see me. And the big hairy fluff ball gave me the biggest snuggles. He has a major Covid hairdoo. My mum doesnt hug me which hurts but i know she cant.

Picnic time. We sit in the middle.of a field away from everyone. Social distancing 10/10. My mum has made me my favourite cakes, rock buns. (Apparently these are a northern thing) but im feeling the love. Its fairly chilled only 1 disagreement with Luke over blinkin avocados.

Im clock checking and aware of impending appointment, im a little (understated) nervous because ive not had positive relationships with therapists or doctors in the past.

#mental health #lost #hurting #help #self reflection #finelinebetweenloveandhate #still breathing #GAD #recovery #survivor

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mayal-ama-legacy · 5 years

Text

OC Interview

Ah! I was tagged on my mainblog by @balaurvestic !

I’ll be doing my boy Andremarus today cos he’s the most fleshed out of my crew!

► Name ➔ "Andremarus, no last name.”

► Are you single ➔ “No.”

► Are you happy? ➔ "I...don’t understand the question.”

► Are you angry? ➔ "Sometimes. Usually. I don’t let it impact my work.”

► Are your parents still married? ➔ "Presumably. We don’t talk.”

NINE FACTS

► Birth place ➔ "Dromund Kaas.”

► Hair color ➔ "Black, dark auburn in the right light; but mostly black.”

► Eye color ➔ "Yellow, a mark of my blood I suppose.”

► Birthday ➔ "Late winter.”

► Mood ➔ "Right now? Weary. I suppose overall ‘weary’ would cover my mood.”

► Gender ➔ "Male.”

► Summer or winter ➔ "Summer. I don’t like the cold.”

► Morning or afternoon ➔ "The time of night where it’s too late to sleep but too early to be awake. I suppose you could call it morning, but whatever you want to call it, it’s peaceful.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love? ➔ "I...think I am. Is this a public interview? Who can see this?”

► Do you believe in love at first sight? ➔ “No. Love is about the relationship - the understanding of two mutual parties. This is something built with time, not a glance.”

► Who ended your last relationship? ➔ "It’s...a bit of a long story. I don’t even know that it was a relationship, let alone how to place the blame. I suppose I could say it was the Empire, but I would rather leave it simple and say it was me.”

► Have you ever broken someone’s heart? ➔ "I suspect so. I haven’t seen him in a long time, maybe he moved on easily. I didn’t.”

► Are you afraid of commitments? ➔ "Yes and no. They’re freeing, in a way. They make my life certain; I don’t have to wonder about tomorrow. But at the same time, making them--” He breaks off with a snort. “You’ve heard this all before, I’m sure. No further comment on this question.”

► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ "Yes, but only one.”

► Have you ever had a secret admirer? ➔ "Does the woman who tried to murder me count? But no, not to my knowledge.”

► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ "Yes, in many ways.”

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ "Lust is safer, there’s a level of understanding between myself and the partner I picked in the moment. But having love now...it’s terrifying. If I lost Theron, I would not try for love again. Does that answer the question?”

► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ "Tea. But I don’t drink it usually, I just hold it until it gets cold. I think Lana might kill me one of these days.”

► Cats or dogs ➔ "Cats, although in practice I don’t think I’d have either.”

► A few best friends or many regular friends? ➔ "Best friends I suppose, less people to keep an eye on.”

► Wild night out or romantic night in? ➔ "A night in. Less things to go wrong.”

► Day or night ➔ "Night. As I’ve said before, it’s quieter; I prefer that.”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ "Ha! I suppose in a way, yes.”

► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ "... Why is this a question? Do you need to know? Is it a vital piece of intelligence?” He lets out an exasperated sigh. “Yes. I’ve fallen down stairs and tripped on my way up. There are many sets of stairs in my life, I don’t know what you want from me.”

► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ "Yes, many times.”

► Wanted to disappear? ➔ "That was never an option.” He hesitates, then sighs again. “But yes.”

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ "Eyes. They’re less prone to lying than people’s mouths.”

► Shorter or taller ➔ "Taller.” He laughs. “Truth be told, what I really want doesn’t have a lot to do with height aside from basic comfort.”

► Intelligence or attraction ➔ "Intelligence, I think. It’s easier to determine when they’re most likely to- ah, never mind.”

► Hook-up or relationship ➔ "Again, should my relationship with Theron end, I don’t think I would pursue any other.”

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ "Ha! I know my parents, and I’m sure they deeply regret not drowning me when I was born. I might have a brother or sister, don’t know, wasn’t involved with the force users in my family as far as it could be helped. Acted like my inability to feel the force was both a condition and contagious.”

► Would you say you have a ‘messed up life’? ➔ "Maybe, but who hasn’t? Show me one person in this damn universe who’s had a normal, pleasant life. There’s war everywhere, and if it’s not war it’s political intrigue, and if it’s not somewhere yet, it’s on its way.”

► Have you ever ran away from home? ➔ "Once, I was caught though.”

► Have you ever gotten kicked out? ➔ "Does being conscripted into the military count?”

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends? ➔ “No. I don’t trust any of them, but I don’t hate them either.”

► Do you consider all your friends good friends? ➔ "No. Lana is as good a friend as force-users can be, Theron is a good friend, Vector I think, would be a good friend. There are a few others I cannot name, but the more limited it is, the better I think.”

► Who is your best friend? ➔ "Theron, I suppose.”

► Who knows everything about you ➔ "No one, I should hope. My old Keeper probably knows the most about me, followed by another who will remain, at their request, anonymous. Theron would have heard the most about me voluntarily. I do not tend towards sharing about my past, present, or anything else.”

________________________________________________________________

Tagging a few folk who I haven’t spoken to in WAY TOO LONG but I love y’all! Do this at your leisure (or not if you don’t wanna : D)

@the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond @alexsrandomramblings @greencrusader13 And....wow I am CERTAIN there are more of you, but I’m DUMB and BAD AT NAMES so if you see this and think, “wow, I think I would like to do this” OR “wow, I can’t believe they did this and didn’t tag me : ^ (”, Please feel free to do it and tag me so I can see (or dont! I’m nosy and like to read but if you’d rather not there’s no obligation) : D

#bastard tag #andremarus #character ask #oc interview #bastard writing #i supppposeeeee it's writing??? i wrote in his voice lol

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childofthenight2035 · 5 years

Text

In Which The Protagonist Is A Dumbass

A/N: i honestly dont know why i wrote this but based off something that happened once upon a time why did i write this it has zero plot anyways

Pairing(?): gn!Reader x Felix (ft. Jisung)

Summary/Prompt: You’re stupid. And you have the same phone as he does.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: None

It wasn’t even summer yet, but it was hot. Too hot.

Finals season. That couple of months at the end of the academic year when kids and teachers alike were stressed as fuck. Kids, because they didn’t know shit, and their teachers, well, for the same reason. Students often forget that teachers depend very much on their pupils’ performance.

Finals season was when you would see the morning buses loaded with kids and their unnecessarily heavy textbooks in one hand as they tried to balance themselves standing up with the other. It was also when you saw those same kids on the bus back home at noon instead of the afternoon because their exams were over.

Finals season was when dorms were quietly chaotic. Tempers ran high, lights were never off at night, and a chilling sort of hush fell over the building after dinnertime, a silence everyone was scared of breaking. People escaped the four walls of their room as much as possible, going up to the roof and explaining to the clouds what antibodies were, or pacing around the block in circles until they got dizzy and found themselves in the warden’s room diagnosed with dehydration. After two similar incidents, none of the students were permitted to spend too much time outdoors. It was simply too hot. Global warming was a real thing.

Following that rule, you chose to spend your time in the study hall next to the coffee shop on campus that shut down during finals, because no one was free to take orders or man the machines. The students had to settle for the cheap instant coffee from the mess hall across the campus.

You had made the table in the corner yours at a particular time every day. Someone was there before you, and someone came after you, but you didn’t mind. Despite not knowing who they were, you found the taking turns system convenient. It also helped that one of the two plugpoints in the entire hall was near your table.

Your exam was tomorrow and you pitied the ones who had theirs in less than two hours. You could see them, sitting on the edges of their seats, grouped together but not interacting much—that point had passed. Occasionally one of them would ask another for an answer, but the time for group study was not now. Now was the time for cramming—each to his own. Their legs bounced up and down, impatient but dreading the exam at the same time. Open books were scattered around them, trying to absorb as much information as they could at once. Their fingers tapped their pens against the tables, but you forgave the annoying sound it made—this would be you tomorrow.

You flipped through the seventh chapter of your biology textbook, wondering if you could possibly finish studying the next fourteen chapters before the next afternoon. You wished you would have started studying earlier but it was too late to think all that.

You glanced at your phone when it buzzed, alerting you that you had a message from your friend, reminding you to email your chemistry professor to ask him what the answer was to questions 16-28 on page 142, chapter five, because she didn’t know his email id. That’s a task for later, you thought. You wondered why she was so bothered by chem when your biology final was the next day. Oh, right, stupid, she doesn’t take bio. The exam stress was seriously making you lose reason. You pressed your charger deeper into the socket and rechecked that the switch was turned on. You had once gone the whole day without realizing that you hadn’t actually switched the power on so your phone could drink some electricity.

Someone plonked a textbook onto your table, making you jump. As you looked up, a handsome young man (baby faced young man, are you sure he’s not a high school student?) slid into the seat opposite you.

“Sorry,” he said, pulling out a phone and you leant back in your seat, taken aback by the deep voice issuing from between his pretty lips (waht the fcuk). “It’s just, my phone’s probably gonna die, and I have an exam soon and I can’t plug it anywhere else….”

Oh wow, you thought, mesmerized by the richness of his vocal cords and his soft blonde locks. You could sit here charging your phone forever. I would charge your phone for you. Just keep talking.

Unfortunately, he fell silent, looking at you expectantly. You realized he wanted permission.

“Oh! Yeah, sure,” you offered, gesturing to your charger. “Totally fine.”

He flashed you a grateful smile, carefully unplugging your phone and replacing it with his own. Switching it on, he set his phone beside yours.

“Oh!” He exclaimed, then laughed, pointing at the two phones. “They’re the same!”

You followed his finger to where your phone and his lay side by side. He was right. Your phones were the same. Same size, same brand, same model. A smile broke across your features at that.

“What a coincidence,” you remarked, turning back to your textbook. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to continue talking to this person about the phones, it’s just that you had an exam coming up in less than twenty-four hours and you needed to focus. You heard a muttered ‘right, shit, get to work’ from the boy opposite you.

A moment later, he was frantically turning pages, pen between his teeth, shaking his leg, just like the others in the room that had their exam today. You thought better than to interrupt his uploading of information into brain. He checked his watch with an expression that gradually became more horrified.

You turned your focus back to your book, to the world of tissues and cells. You vaguely saw him shuffling around but you paid no mind.

The tension in the room grew slowly higher and higher. The hour mark had been crossed, and the students were near hysterical.

The study hall supervisor couldn’t seem to stand it either. Within five minutes, she was shouting at the exam students to get up and leave. No use cramming so close to an exam, she said to them. Use this time to calm yourself and recollect what you’ve learned.

Standard teacher advice. The boy opposite you stood up hesitantly, not tearing his eyes away from the book, two of his fingers pressing into his neck.

“Good luck,” you offered. His gaze met yours and the creases in his forehead disappeared.

“Thank you,” he said, still looking nervous as he slowly packed his bag. You stood up as well, deciding to go to the mess hall for some food. As he bent to cram his textbook into his bag, you reached over to remove his phone and take back your charger. You slipped your phone that was lying on the table unplugged into your pocket and handed him his phone. He thanked you again, distractedly.

You patted his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay, just calm down. If you get anxious, you won’t be able to do well. So relax.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll relax.” He took a deep breath.

With another word of reassurance, you sent him along his way, packing your own stuff and exiting the study hall.

“Ugh, I’m so hungry,” you groaned, wondering if your friend was available to join you. You brought out your phone and turned the screen on.

You stopped in your tracks.

On the screen was a photo of the blondie who had just been sitting opposite you, with another dark-haired boy asleep on his lap.

You cursed out loud, startling some passers-by.

Oh! the boy had said. They’re the same!

You were stupid. You were so stupid.

But wasn’t his phone the one being charged? And yours was unplugged? He must have switched them back once he was satisfied with his phone’s percentage.

But why didn’t you have the basic sense to check if the phone was yours? You could call your own phone, right?

The campus clock chimed one o'clock. His exam must have started. There was no point in trying to reach him now. At least not until four.

You turned the screen on again. This time fixed on the numbers asking you to enter the password. You couldn’t call your own phone even if you wanted to.

You eyed the emergency call button. Did he have the police entered, or a friend’s contact? You shoved the thing back into your pocket, deciding to just wait. You didn’t even know his name. You didn’t know what exam he had. You didn’t know where to find him.

You were screwed. But hey, food.

The macaroni and cheese was crusty and gross as ever, but as you had learned during the year, you don’t say no to food. Gross or not. You never knew when you would get it again. Money is a fickle thing. It never stays with one person their whole life.

A loud, strange sort of music erupted from the device in your pocket. You jumped. His phone was ringing. Hoping against hope that it would be someone you knew, a mutual friend, you took it out and looked at its screen. It said Sungie (^.^). Would this person be able to help? Hesitantly, you pressed answer.

“Yo, Flixie, shouldn’t you be writing an exam? How are you answering your phone?”

“Um…hello?”

You heard a distant ‘what the fuck’. “Hello?”

You didn’t recognize the voice and certainly not the nickname. There must be dozens of people on campus with Sung in their names. “Yeah. Hi.”

“You’re not Felix. Who’s this and why do you have his phone?”

He spoke with such authority that you were sure this was either his best friend, his brother, or someone else very close to him. You weren’t about to get beat up over a mixed up phone. “Listen, I can explain!”

“Please do.”

“You see, the thing is, your friend—Felix?—and I were sitting at the same table in study hall,” you rambled, “and he asked if he could use my charger to charge his phone and I said yes so he plugged it in, but when we both got up to leave, our phones got switched.” You drew in a breath. “It’s my fault. I should’ve checked the phones before I gave it back to him.”

You could hear the person on the other end laughing his face off. You relaxed a bit. “Wow, nice going. So you can’t contact him and neither can he. And I can’t either, huh?”

“I suppose not. Do you know where he’s taking his exam?”

“I think it’s in Hall 3…” he trailed off, thinking.

“So I could just wait there for him, right—“

“…It could also be in Hall 1,” he continued, “or maybe even in Hall 2. Or it could be in the library…”

A sudden thought struck you. You had heard his voice before somewhere. This joking, self-satisfied sort of tone. “You’re Jisung, aren’t you? Han Jisung?”

He abruptly stopped spouting out suggestions. “Uh. Yeah?”

“You won the prize for the Monoact this year, didn’t you?”

“Oh. Huh? That. Yeah, I did? That’s how you know me? Cool.” You could almost hear his head filling up with air. Change the topic.

“Hm. So you don’t know where Felix is?”

In the pause that followed, you understood one thing: he did. He was just not going to make things easier for you. “You know what? Give me your number. I’ll contact you after his exam and tell you where to go.”

You rattled off your number to him reluctantly.

“So, I have your number,” he began, his voice dropping lower, “is the next step asking you out on a—“

“I’m hanging up now.”

You pressed the end call button over his protests.

You tried to focus on your textbook back at the dorm. You really did. That’s why you went to the dorm in the first place. But anxiety was slowly creeping up on you. You were replaying your day, trying to remember what Felix had been studying.

His lockscreen was cute, though. You wondered if the boy asleep on his lap was his boyfriend. Maybe. Maybe not. Since it was his lockscreen, then maybe he was. Either way, whoever it was had a place of honour.

The clock ticked slower and slower, inching to four o'clock.

At three-forty-five, you couldn’t concentrate. You closed your book.

Twenty-five minutes later, his phone rang.

You snatched it up, barely registering the name Sungie (^.^) and sliding the answer button. “Hello?”

“Right. Felix is waiting for you at the mess hall.”

“Oh, okay, tha—“ A beep sounded. You stared at the phone. Okay, that was straight to the point.

You dashed out of your dorm room.

…and you forgot the phone, jeez, Y/N, what the hell?

Take two.

It was too hot to be running to the mess hall again, but at least it had dropped a degree since noon.

You glanced around the large semi-open space, hoping to see a shock of blonde hair that would catch your attention. And one did.

One very sun-kissed young man with neatly combed blonde hair was waving at you. Your heart leapt.

…Obviously not at the sight of him, particularly, but He-Who-Had-Your-Phone.

My generation has succumbed to technology, you thought.

“Hi,” you said awkwardly as you climbed into a seat opposite him. He returned the greeting equally awkward, but managing to smile tiredly. You noticed he had a smattering of freckles across his cheeks and nose. Cute.

“I’m Felix,” he offered, sticking out a hand. You took it.

“I know. I’m Y/N.”

You set his phone on the table and he mimicked the action with yours. The two of you exchanged phones, giggling nervously at the mix-up.

“Sorry,” he started to say, but you shook your head.

“I’m the one who should be sorry, I took your phone thinking it was mine.”

“Well, I don’t blame you,” he assured (whiplash, you forgot how deep his voice was). “I connected your phone to the charger once mine was okay without telling you.”

“We can play this blame game back and forth all day.”

He laughed, his voice lightening for a second. “True.”

You gestured to his phone. “Your wallpaper is really cute. Is that your boyfriend?”

He blushed, snatching up his phone and sliding it into his bag. “No,” he replied a little too quickly, in a tone that told you maybe he was lying. “Speaking of wallpapers,” he continued, tapping your phone, “isn’t that 3racha’s radio promotion poster? Maybe specifically, CB97?”

You could feel the heat rushing to your cheeks. “So? What about it?”

Felix broke into a smile. “You didn’t recognize SpearB from my wallpaper?”

Your mouth fell open. “Wait, that’s him?! I didn’t recognize…”

He nodded. “And you didn’t know J.One? I thought he told you to come over here?”

You slammed your fist onto the table. “Are you kidding me?”

Felix started laughing.

“So that’s how I know him!” you exclaimed. “It wasn’t the monoact prize, it was this! I’m so stupid!”

He laughed even harder at your pout. “It’s okay, I won’t tell Chris.”

“Please don’t.”

After a minute, in which he held back his giggles and you pouted harder than ever, he spoke up. “So, hey, let me treat you. I sure am hungry.” He gestured vaguely around. “How about some gross instant coffee?”

again why did i write this

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michaelreaderreblog · 5 years

Text

My Truemate pt18

AN; I know its been a very long time since I’ve posted anything. Well here it is, finally. I hope you all enjoy. All I did was edit and Im pretty happy how this part turned out. So hopefully tomorrow my wifi will be hooked up and posts will come regularly. Enjoy my loves

*******************************************************************************

To catch up you can go here >> My Truemate Series <<

Word Count: 2,491

When the both of you get to the diner and seated in a booth by the window is when the waitress comes to your table with a wide smile on her face.

“Hi, Im Dorothy and I will be your waitress for the afternoon” she says looking at you and extends her hand out to you.

You take her hand in a friendly gesture while nodding.

“Y/n this is Dorothy Baum, she has been a friend of Castiel since they were pups and still are” Michael introduces the both of you.

As she takes both of your order is when she still couldnt wipe the smile from her face.

She walks to the kitchen to put in the food order along to bring out your drinks.

“Um why is she so happy?” you ask looking away from her as she disappears into the kitchen.

“Beats me, usually she is so not like this. Actually I dont know how to describe her sometimes” he answers you and chuckles at the end of his comment.

“Ok then. Why have you brought me out for lunch? Isnt Anna going to be angry or something?” you ask not really wanting to know the answer.

“Well it seems as though she has met her true mate a couple of months ago and we mutually ended our relationship a few weeks ago” he answers never taking his eyes away from you.

You sit there stunned at the news and couldnt believe she actually let go of him but understood it all because true mates are involved.

“But if you didnt meet yours, than she met hers would she still be with you?” you ask from the distractions of your utter happiness but curious to know what he has to say.

“Well she mentioned if mine never came along then she would hold off her being truly happy with her true mate and still be with me. She didnt want me to be lonely if she still met hers because of the love she has for me” he answers in disbelief still.

You couldnt believe how much she would sacrifice for her true happiness if you never came along.

You were thankful you are around though and just thankful for Anna being incredibly selfless.

“Wow” is all that you could say.

When Dorothy comes back with drinks, she still has the smile on her face and winks over to Michael to give him a thumbs up.

The both of you talk about many things from books, music, tv shows, movies and basic interests.

“I know this is all sudden but um would you like to have dinner with me and my family at their house sometime this week?” he asks randomly.

“Uh yeah, I wouldnt call that sudden. It would be more like good timing” you simply answer back and having the relief of his family approving of the both of you.

“Good my parents would like to meet me and Castiel's mates so I guess he is going to ask Dean about that as well. Of course you can bring along Sam and Sarah considering they are mated already” Michael says with a smile on his face.

When Dorothy makes her back to your table with food in hands is when her attention is brought to the front door.

A Beta woman walks in and passes by your table.

“Oh good more Omega whores” the blonde woman says.

“Suzy that was uncalled for” Dorothy says

Michael was about to retort something back but you take your hand out for him to stay seated and he does.

“No, its ok. Since she is the only whore here. I can smell what? Two or three different Alpha's on you” you say while she turns around in her seat to look at you and tries to attack you but Dorothy has blocked her off.

“That is enough. OUT!!” Dorothy yells back to her while Suzy glares at her and walks to front door to exit the building.

“This wont be the last time you will see me. Next time you will be gone” she mutters walking out the door and as soon as she said that is when you got the feeling at the pit of your stomach was unsettling.

“Who the hell was that?” you ask looking between Michael and Dorothy.

“Suzy Roman, the sister of Dick Roman” Dorothy answers and as soon as she says Roman is when you went numb.

“Im sorry that had to happen, I know you handled yourself there but still shouldnt have to endure that” she says looking to you

“Does she have a thing for you why she had to be that way?” you ask bitterly to Michael and he raises his head to you.

“Yes but she is a Beta. I never wanted to date her or be near her all together. It was always her to force herself on me. Even while I was with Anna, she still did the same thing but never worked because she is a Roman. Those people are not respectful, they treat Omegas like toys and their belief system is traditional. Which they are traditionalists but that never went well with me” he answers you in the most sincere way without feeling angry talking about the Romans.

“I remember the one Christmas party Benny threw one year and Suzy came by as soon as she heard Michael was going to be there. Thats when she flirted with him in front of Anna. She tried taking him into one of the empty rooms but Anna had enough. Anna punched Suzy square in the face for her to leave him alone. I dont know how long she has tried to get with you. All she wanted was to get her hands on your business because of the shipments you get daily” Dorothy says and immediately the both of you look at her to what she said about him getting shipments every day.

“So what your saying is, if he had broken up with Anna in the first place. In the slightest way he was actually interested in her, she would get her hands on his business because of the shipments he gets everyday? Like why would she be interested in that?” you ask her to fully understand why she would be interested in his hardware business.

“Well its because the trucks that deliver the supplies he needs for his store. Especially since she joined her brothers business out of state, they only come back to make things not so obvious on what they are up to” she answers you quietly to make sure no other customer in the diner heard what she is elaborating on the Romans business deals.

“What are you incinuating?” Michael asks looking away from his food.

“After he made a business deal with a guy named Gordon Walker a few days ago. After my shift I went home to do research about this Walker guy because the way they were talking made me feel uneasy” she says as she cringes at the names and thoughts.

“Ok what turned up while researching?” Michael asks in curiosity.

“As it turns out this Walker guy is bad news, I mean he owns brotherls in Georgia and he owns one in Illinois” Dorothy answers Michael and you begin to feel really uneasy.

“Michael can you drive me home, Im beginning to feel sick” you ask him while feeling sick to your stomach

Michael’s anger is building the more he learns about Roman and the business he got himself into. He needed to do something to protect you and his brother. Thankfully he will have help. From his new brothers.

“Yes I can take you home. Dorothy print out those papers you found and give them to me. I want to show my father and if he is conspiring with the Romans than we have something” Michael says while trying to pay for the meal but Dorothy waves him off and nods in agreement for the information she has found while doing some research.

When Michael drives away from the diner is when he noticed how your scent has changed from mutual to fear, worry and anger. He reaches across the seat to place his hand on your knee to give a gentle squeeze.

“Hey I am not going to let them take you away from me or our family. We are going to protect you in any way that we can alright?” he asks looking away from the road for a brief moment to you and again back on the road again.

You sit there silent as you nod in agreement, you just wanted to go home to your brother you just hope that he was still home.

“Even if the whole thing involves Castiel I am going to protect him with everything I have” he adds while driving in the direction of your house.

He turned on the radio and Renegade by Styx comes on and soon your emotions are beginning to fade because of the music.

Michael has parked in the drive way and turned off the truck, he looks over to you and he can still sense you fear everything is soon about to change.

“Hey, look at me. I mean it when I say I am not going to let anyone take you away from me. We are going to fight tooth and nail to protect you in any way that we can” Michael says as he reaches over to place his hand under your chin to get a better look at him.

He gets out of the truck to walk around and open the door for you to head inside the house.

He looks around the yard to make sure nothing is out of the ordinary. He wanted to make sure no one is around to try and do anything to you if your brother wasnt home.

You unlock the door to open it

“Do you wanna come in?” you turn around to look at him as you ask before walking into the house.

“Yes I would like to come in” he simply answers with a smile upon his face and very surprised you asked him to stay.

“Dean, Im home” you yell for your older brother as the both of you walk into the house but there is no reply.

“I guess he went out with your brother for the afternoon. Do you mind if you stayed until he got back?” you ask without even thinking about asking the question but its out there in the open now and you werent going to take that back.

“Of course I can stay” he replies with a soft expression spread across his face and enters further into the house.

You lead him to the kitchen to make him more comfortable and thinking to make something to distract yourself from the information you and Michael found out.

He scents the air is changing and knew that you were feeling uncomfortable and he wished that none of this was happening but all he could do is try to settle your nerves.

He gets up from the chair to walk towards the radio thats on the counter. He turns it on to select the station that always works for him when he needs a distraction from everything else.

A song comes through the radio called Dont Give Up On Me by Solomon Burke.

He pulls you away from the cupboards and pulls you closer to him and he sways the both of you to the music as the lyrics come on.

“When I cant control something thats out of my element then I turn to music. To this station because some of the music just soothes everything away and I let the music carry me away” Michael says as he looks deep into your eyes, sways the both of you to the music playing in the back ground.

“Well thats one way to settle things. I would normally play the guitar. Until I stopped playing and finally picked it up again today. Well before you called anyways” You tell him with a slight smile an your face. He looks to you with complete adoration.

“I play the guitar as well and same thing. I just picked it up a few days ago and even wrote a song” he tells you while never looking away from you.

“I would love to hear the song, in fact would you play it for me now? I have the guitar in the living room” you ask in hopes he would play for you.

Neither of you notice that the song has ended as the both of you still dance to what ever song has come on the radio.

“Yeah I think I can play the song for you” he says with a smile on his face.

You pull away from him and lead him into the living room. You get the guitar from the corner of the living room hand it to him as he seats himself on the arm chair.

You sit close by on the couch, he tunes the guitar and when he knows its the way it should sound is when he started strumming.

You notice someone pulling into the garage and see its Dean and Castiel.

“Its called All My Only Dreams” Michael says before singing into the song

You fall in love with his singing as he moves into the chorus of the song.

Dean and Castiel walk further into the house and see its Michael who is singing.

Castiel has a bright smile on his face as he seats himself beside you, Dean sits on the other couch across from the both of you.

Michael is about to stop but notices his brother and his mate are loving the music from him and continues to play.

“My brother has never touched the guitar in so long. How did you manage to get him to play?” Cas asks as he leans in to whisper into your ear.

“I asked and he agreed” you simply answer with a fond smile.

When Michael finished is when Dean couldnt believe how talented Michael is for playing the guitar and having such an amazing singing voice.

“That was amazing” Dean says as he comes back into the living room and hands Michael a beer.

“Thanks, I was in the middle of playing when Anna came to my office and thats when we had the talk and mutually decided to end our relationship” he answers very honestly.

“I wrote the song for you y/n” he adds while he places the guitar away in the corner behind him.

Castiel has a bright smile on his face while Dean has the same.

You can feel that Dean is feeling rather content at what is in front of him and you can honestly tell that he is ready to let go of you.

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the--blackdahlia · 5 years

Text

This Life Chapter 16

Title: This Life Chapter 16

Summary: Dean Winchester is the Vice President of the motorcycle club The Hunters. After almost 7 years in prison, he's free. But things have changed and Dean has to figure out how to put things back together.

Warnings: Language, mentions of drug use, this chapter is pretty sad

AN: Thank you to the lovely @sams-serialkiller-fetish . The song for this chapter is Come Join the Murder by The White Buffalo & The Forest Rangers

Sam was curled up in the passenger seat of Baby as Dean drove them back to Wolfpine. He had his arm cradled against him and his eyes were closed. Dean kept casting glances over at him. The kid had worked himself up the minute Ellen stepped out of the truck and asked where Benny was. Jim had forced him to take a couple pills from the med kit that Bobby kept in the truck and before Dean knew it, his not so little, little brother was snoring softly beside him in the Impala.

Dean was exhausted. He couldn’t wait to get back to Wolfpine and collapse onto his bed. And he had the pull out couch for Sam to sleep on for the night. Unless he decided that they needed to spend the night in John’s old house. But Dean didn’t think it was a very good idea. Plus, they had the Wayward Sons following them to Wolfpine to think of a plan in case the remaining Horsemen decided to retaliate for Azazel’s death.

Bobby had called in some favors with a couple sheriff’s who owed him a thing or two. Benny’s body would be returned home, and the bodies of Azazel and the henchmen would be dealt with. Jody assured Bobby of that. Bobby could focus then on putting Benny to rest. His dad was currently drinking his way through Atlantic City, and his mom was on her honeymoon with her new husband in Europe. Bobby doubted that either would be there to say goodbye to their son.

And then there was Sam. That kid had been through more trauma in the past year than any of them had. He had watched as a fire destroyed everything, he watched his dad shot in the chest and was left for dead, and then he was chained up to watch as a man who was like a brother to him was shot in the head and killed. Bobby didn’t know about what Azazel had told Sam, and neither did Dean. Bobby didn’t know about Sam’s downward spiral into depression that John managed to pull him out of. Dean was afraid it was going to happen again.

“Sammy.” Dean said gently when he parked Baby in Winchester-Singer’s lot. Sam groaned and slowly opened his eyes. “Hey, we’re at the garage. I thought we could stay here tonight then head to my place tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Sam said softly, opening the door and slowly getting out, stretching his long legs as he did. He had been asleep when they stopped in New Mexico. He didn’t even remember Dean making him get out of the car to use the bathroom and forced him to eat a little something that the medicine in him wouldn’t screw him up too much.

“How’s your arm?” Dean asked, coming around to look at Sam.

“It’s fine.” He whispered, but he was holding it close to him. Dean was sure that it was probably hurting. He followed Sam to the building. He could hear the others pulling in. But Dean knew that Sam needed time away from all of them. Hell, he needed time away from all of them. So they made their way through everything to the room that Dean used to sleep in when he just couldn’t handle being around John, until he got the apartment that was. It wasn’t much. A large bed mainly. But that’s all they really needed. They needed sleep.

“Let me look at that.” Dean said when he closed the door behind him. Sam held out his arm for Dean to check it out. He knew basic first aid. And he knew how to change bandages. He was going to make sure that they were always clean and taken care of. “It looks fine. It should heal nicely.”

“Thanks.” Sam sighed and set down on the bed. “You want the bed?”

“I think there’s enough room we could share.” Dean laughed. “And I’ll even keep my boxers on.”

“God, you’re ridiculous.” Sam said, kicking off his boots and laying back on one side of the bed. Dean kicked off his own shoes and his vest was next. He tossed himself down on the bed.

“God, this thing stinks.” He shook his head, not wanting to know what had been done on this bed. “I’m replacing it once everything is done and over with.” Sam didn’t answer. Dean looked over to find Sam fast asleep. He couldn’t help but smile. “G’night bitch.” He said, turning over and falling to sleep himself.

****

The next morning, there were not alarm clocks. Everyone slept in as much as they could, just enjoying their moments of peace. They knew that war was on the horizon, especially once the other princes found Azazel. They also knew that they were going to have to bury Benny. Bobby had tried over and over again to get a hold of either of his parents, but nothing.

Sheriff Mills came by in the afternoon. Dean was out in the garage, trying to focus on a car to keep his mind off of everything. The Wayward Sons were staying at John’s old home for the night. Bobby had never sold it, figuring that Sam might want it during the summers or something. Or that Dean would get tired of that apartment and want a change. Lucifer, Andy, Gabriel, Ruby, and Meg were all there, waiting for the other shoe to drop and war to break out.

“Dean Winchester.” Jody said, walking up to him. Dean smiled some.

“Hey Jody.” Dean said, wiping his hands on a shop rag. She could tell that his smile wasn’t reaching his eyes though and she immediately hugged him. She might have been on the Hunters payroll, but she was also a friend. That’s what made it a little easier to look the other one every once in awhile.

“Benjamin Lafitte has been released to the North Star Hospital Center.” Jody explained to Dean. “So you guys can arrange…” Dean nodded.

“Thanks Jody. We really owe you.” Dean said. Jody looked up then and smiled some as Sam came out into the garage, favoring his arm.

“Sam.” She hugged him, careful to miss his arm. “Welcome home.”

“Thanks Jody.” Sam said softly. “Hey Dean, have you seen Jim?”

“No, not yet. Your arm hurting?” Dean asked. Sam nodded. Dean was about to say something when some new bikes pulled into the lot. Jody was a little on edge. “It’s ok Jody, they’re friends.” Dean said. Andy took his helmet off and looked over at Sam and Dean.

“You okay?” He asked, walking past Jody.

“I’m fine.” Sam sighed. Jody took this time to size up the Wayward Sons. Andy seemed okay. Meg and Ruby weren’t too bad. Gabriel looked a little rough around the edges. Lucifer was fucking scary.

“I could score you some Demon Blood man.” Lucifer said. “It’ll stop all the pain.”

“Yeah, and it’ll stop him from being a functioning human being.” Ruby hissed. “Don’t even bring that shit around here.”

“Demon Blood?” Dean asked. “What the fuck is that?”

“Street drug and nasty.” Jody told him. “I just had to interview a couple of girls who had been slipped it in their drinks.” Dean watched Ruby awkwardly rubbed her arm as Jody spoke. “Moderation shouldn’t cause any life altering effects. But too much and overdoses can really fuck you up.”

“Can we change the subject?” Sam asked. “I don’t need Demon Blood. Just some low grade, over the counter painkillers and I’ll be good.”

“What happened anyway?” Jody asked.

“I got shot.” Sam said dismissively before he headed to where Ellen and Jo were to see if they had anything.

“Well, I guess you guys have things to attend to.” Jody said. “Let me know when the funeral is. I’d love to pay my respects.” She patted Dean’s arm and offered a small smile. “And tell Bobby to give me a call.” She left then. Dean went to go make the arrangements to have Benny buried. He didn’t want him to lay there and rot because his parents couldn’t give a shit about him. He also needed to research whatever this Demon Blood shit was.

“She was addicted to it.” Andy said to Dean, startling him some. “Ruby was. She was kicked out of her home, lost her job, everything. All she wanted was more of it. But she pulled herself out and is very anti Demon Blood.”

“Why is it called that?” Dean asked.

“No matter what form it’s in, it’s a deep red. It looks like blood. And it causes the user to hallucinate. A very common side effect is they believe they have powers.” Andy looked over at Lucifer, who was talking with Meg and Gabriel. “Lucifer OD’ed on it. That’s why he’s insane.”

“That did that to him?” Dean asked.

“Gabriel said he had a slight mental illness anyway. And he got hooked on Demon Blood. And he just took more and more until his body couldn’t take it anymore.” Andy explained. “Sam got lucky. He took it once and it made him sick and he promised to never take it again.” Andy realized as soon as the words left his mouth, he shouldn’t have said them.

“Wait...what did you say?” Dean asked.

“Nothing.” Andy shook his head.

“Sam took this drug?” Dean asked. Andy sighed.

“Once, as a moment of weakness. Right after Jess died. But he got so sick that the benefits were overshadowed. And he promised all of us and God himself that he would never do it again.” Andy could see the anger bubbling away under Dean’s skin. What else had Sam neglected to tell him? Instead, Dean stormed off, leaving Andy there. He went to find Bobby so they could get ready to bury Benny.

****

The funeral home was quick to have things set up. So it was the next day and they were ready. Benny was prepped and placed in a closed casket. It was sunny and warm. Every trope in movies said it was supposed to rain. So it couldn’t really be a funeral.

It was a graveside service. The funeral home did bring Benny to the cemetery via hearse, and the Hunters and Wayward Sons were the pallbearers. While the Wayward Sons had only known Benny a couple of days, they felt obligated to stand there by the Hunters. Ellen and Jo sobbed. Especially Ellen. She had watched Benny grow up from a chubby toddler to a man.

Sam was one of the first to leave when the ceremony was over. He had to get away. He needed air. So he stormed off, running away to a club of trees where he could sit and be alone. But he wasn’t, because Dean was right behind him.

“Sammy…” Dean said. “We got revenge for Benny and for dad.”

“You think that Azazel planned this all on his own?” Sam asked. Dean was about to speak up. “There are three more princes out there, plus their fucking henchmen. Dean, we have to stop them all.”

“And we will in due time.” Dean said. “We just buried Benny.”

“They won’t care.” Sam told him. “And if what Azazel said is true…”

“What? What did he say to you?” Dean asked.

“He told me that he slept with mom when her and dad were separated and that I have a good chance of being his kid.” Sam told Dean. “I don’t believe but…”

“Dad told me about that.” Dean said. “You’re not Azazel’s son. Even if you were, it didn’t change anything. Dad loved you so much.”

“But…”

“No buts Sammy. You’re a Winchester, that’s all there is to it. You ain’t getting out of this family that easy.” He smirked at Sam, who rolled his eyes. “Come on. I think a trip up to Austin for a burger is in order. My treat.”

“Can we take Baby?” Sam asked.

“Of course. Probably hard to steer your bike with that arm anyway.” They headed back to the others. They had gotten a ride with Bobby. Dean didn’t mention anything about what Andy had told him about Demon Blood. He just wasn’t in the mood to fight with Sam. He got his brother back and he wanted to keep it that way. He didn’t want to push him away.

And a trip to Austin really could do them both a lot of good.

****

Aguila, Arizona

Azazel’s body laid on a table as Asmodeus, Alastair, Ramiel, Lilith, Abbadon, and Dagon stood around. It had been chaos when the princes had came back from a run to Mexico and found their fourth dead on the ground. This just stunk of Hunters. Alastair was sure of it.

“They’re all dead.” Asmodeus finally said. “The Hunters have to be exterminated.”

“What do we do?” Ramiel asked.

“We slaughter them like the pigs they are.” Lilith hissed. She held Azazel’s favorite pistol in her hands. “I want to kill at least one of them.”

“Lil, just breathe.” Abbadon said. She looked at the others.

“Actually, I think it would be a fantastic idea to include the girls.” Alastair said. “They have a moral code. They’re not going to willingly shoot women. And they don’t have women in their group. It would be the perfect distraction.”

“Then let’s get ready.” Asmodeus announced. “I want the Hunters dead by the end of the week.”

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @i-would-die-for-woodland-demars @dekahg @marvel-af @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk

Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles Tags: @luciathewinchestergirl @sheris532 @bobasheebaby @flamencodiva @bella-ca

This Life Tags: @soulslaststand @jamielea81 @caplansteverogers @becs-bunker @colie87

Supernatural Tags: @bandobsession98 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @fangirlsencyclopaediaofweirdness @ilovetardis @missihart23 @cloudyskylines @supernaturalwincestsblog @sams-serialkiller-fetish

#this life #sam winchester #dean winchester #supernatural #Jared Padalecki #Jensen Ackles

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sozotohakai · 5 years

Text

I’ve been a bit silent the past few days, and I’ve got a pretty good idea of why. Nothing bad, but it occupied my mind a bit (and bothered a tiny bit my grey-demi self). Thankfully I resolved it yesterday, still I’m unsure if I’ll do anything else than relax (or work on stuff off internet) tonight.

As for tomorrow, we’ll go out by late morning and will be out until early afternoon. There’s equal chance I’ll feel all energized&motivated upon return or feeling like I just want to sit and relax. So we’ll see if I’m around tomorrow.

After that, it is the weekend which means I’m often not around much (depending if my brother comes home or not, even when he doesn’t I do take some time offline).

Sooooo I’ll probably be lurking, but I’ll also probably won’t do much (or talk much) until monday. For all I know I’ll get energized later or tomorrow, but don’t be surprised if I’m a ghost until monday/next week! (I might also end up replying to some threads, or do memes, if the mood comes).

As for what occupied my mind; it’s under the cut and very cathartic to share to be honest.

There’s a short version first, just in case you’re like, not wanting the detailed version.

Obviously: feel free to ignore XD

Short version: met a guy a few years ago, made a mistake, said I didn’t want to see him again after I realized my mistake and how I didn’t feel comfortable, saw the guy again months ago, accepted to just see him and catch up, got contacted two weeks ago, set up to meet last friday, and since friday feeling a bit off about it, tuesday I already knew I didn’t want a relation, but by yesterday I was also getting strong nope vibes, feeling a bit uncomfortable seeing him; so called to stop things completely.

Longer version:

Something like 3/4 years ago I met a guy at my friend’s restaurant, and because I had drunk a bit (like not much, two/three glasses), I didn’t think before sleeping with him (the day after, he wanted to have me come at his home but I refused, instead setting to see each other again in a few days). A day or two after, I let him know I’d rather we don’t see each other again, as by then I processed and my senses noped hard.

Biggest thing is probably the slow realization from what follows that I was approached as someone he had a good time with. And then other things in his attitude.

But yeah, I saw him again like, months ago, and he had asked if it was okay to contact me again, saying it’s like, just to chat and catch up, go for a drink when he’s in town. Thing is, because of how things happened when we met, I was uncertain of myself my decision, so I had said yes. He never contacted me for months, and then two weeks ago I saw I had a missed call from him. He had been in town and had meant to ask if I wanted to see him, but he wasn’t in town by the time I saw it. I did call him of course, and we set up to meet the week later.

Thing is, I was happy that he would want to, but I also wanted to see how I’d feel, you know? And there was still the hope/thought he might genuinely want to know me, or might have genuine feelings.

I noticed something though, which is that he has that kind of presence where you kind of, not think, you process things later (or it’s me who needs time to process, but I’m pretty sure there are people like that, who kind of aura on you and you only realize things later). He came to our flat, stayed for a bit chatting with mom (and me, but I tend to not chat that much when I can let mom do so lol), and one thing that already bothered me is after a bit, he kind of disrespected mom (did things on his phone as she spoke). We also felt weird, mom and I, with how he looked around our flat (mom had a strong suspicion because his daughter is studying in our town, that he had considered asking us to house her).

Still, I wasn’t yet like, nope. He offered we go out, he and I, and I suggested the park close by, since he commented he didn’t have his wallet. So we walked a bit to the park, saw a part without people, sat on a bench. What’s the first thing he ends up asking? “Would you date me again?”

In hindsight, that does bother me because when I had seen him again, it wasn’t about dating, but just seeing each other. Anyway, I told him yes but that I’m more about building friendships, awkwardly conveying how I’ve got platonic love that can be as strong as romantic love. He’s like, it’s okay, I’m chill. Now comes the part I’m dumb, he puts a hand on my leg, then remove it like the second after. And I just, it’s okay. Like yeah I’m genuinely appreciative of casual affection, but like. I love mom and my bro’s hugs. Not always touchy, but I’m super cuddly when I’m in the touchy mood. Didn’t occur to me until later that in this context, the best thing would have been to keep a certain line with anything that would not be platonic/casual in context. But again: a person with that kind of aura where you only realize things later.

Anyway, he also soon after put his arm around my shoulders, so I had to slide down a bit, so I’m pretty sure we did look like a couple. Which. Kind of does contradict how I just mentionned wanting friendship first; at best he thought I meant a friendship like dating but. And then comes what kind of, made me a bit, ngggg in my head. His first train of thoughts was how we spent a good night (if how quick it was and all about in-and-out is good, I felt nothing) and how it implies he sees me as this person he’s “made love with”. He probably half expected me to say something, but never asked how I felt about it. After that it was more casual chatting, then going back to my home.

The next thing that bothered me a tiny bit, is when we almost arrived (and gods I only realize now, this meant mom wouldn’t be there to hear it, so no risk for him that she points anything out or squint at him), he offered that since next friday he would be more free, we can spent more time together; and then adding he could show me his village. I first am like, sure we can spend more of the day together, but the way I said it suggest we stayed in my town. He mentionned he could show me forest and lakes around his village, and I’m like, tempted because I love nature and by that point, I didn’t have time to process how he’s inching me toward going out of town. So I agree. We go home, he leaves soon after.

One of the major thing is that, once I’m home and chatting with mom about what happened, I felt like... that faint sick feeling you can get when you’re really uncomfy with something? It wasn’t nerves, wasn’t excitement. It was that feel when someone enters your personal space that you’re really not comfy with, you know?

And then later, I texted him to let him know we had something planned friday, though not all day, so instead we can meet up early afternoon. So he tell me okay, and then he’s like, saying he’ll me show around in the weekend (being eager to do so) and in my mind I’m like I never agreed to stay a whole weekend??? And he clearly only spoke off friday earlier in the day, even when I agreed to go to his village.

Fun fact: remembering that day we met, in the morning after, he actually offered that I come with him spend the day at his home (or days? cant recall, too far off, but definitely at least a full day), which I had refused back then. I’m super squint about him trying again, years later, to get me to come to his home.

So yeah I tell him no, I’m not comfortable leaving mom alone for a weekend, and being on my own for a weekend. He seems to take it in stride, “no problem i adapt”. Then once we’re like “so friday afternoon” he adds up we’ll have to see if he, I quote, “sleep with me or go back home”.

I’m like, “sure you can sleep at our flat if needed, but not with me, even just sleeping I’m not comfortable with that”. And come the weird way he replies, first “you mean the couch?” then “sleep at yours, i meant sleep on your couch”. The only way he could have made a mistake is if he meant to say “sleep at yours”, but in french, it sounds weird to have “sleep with you”. Like... You can’t type “sleep with you” and think it’s okay. There’s no way to see it and still think the other person will know you mean “sleep at yours”. Even in english, it sounds weird.

(Also I’m definitely squinting by then at how much he’s basically trying to set it up that he’s around me for a night).

Anyway, I’m like, let it slide, say okay, and voila, no more texts (and I mean, from here on, nothing until I called him yesterday). But all of those little things that bothered me, and the general sense of not feeling that good about seeing him again, kind of lurked in my mind everyday, and like I said, by tuesday I knew I’d tell him I’d rather not date, I still thought about just seeing each other like, try a friendship. But it still didn’t sit well with me, so yesterday I talked more with mom and I felt deeply how I just... didn’t want to see him.

(Mom, meanwhile, was also a bit upset-angry because she can see his facebook; and she disliked how he was, in fact, in town a few times since friday, never once contacted me since last friday; and also suspiciously has a lot of female friends that mom even saw one be like “oh you’re in town? come see me!”. He could have women as friends, but the fact he was in town or didn’t text me once (when I told him at least twice, dont worry you can!) did make me twitch a bit; because again: I was genuine when I spoke of befriending each other, but I don’t know, I’d text at least once or see to see the other if it was me? Regardless of knowing I’d see them, it would be a nice surprise for the other person).

What’s kind of funny is how easily he accepted it (a few years ago, I texted him rather than called, and he called me to have me on phone, and had a tiny attempt to like, talk; and later actually contacted mom like “did you know Chris did that”). Like I was ready to explain a bit, but he just, i understand/i’m intelligent, and soon we hang off. Mom thinks he might have felt this would happen. She also feels that, if she’s right on suspicion, and since he told me he had been in the shower, that he wasn’t alone.

Biggest thing is: how happy I felt once the call finished. I felt the weight lift off me. So that was like, the last big hint I really wasn’t feeling comfortable with him.

#outofhost #(me: want to give a quick message to reassure)#(also me: cant explain in quick)#(X''''D)

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whistlemist · 5 years

Text

Take Out Night

Tim did not have time for this.

There was a meeting going on back home with his family. One of the most important meetings they always had that, for the bat-kids, was pretty much life or death. It was always about strategy, cunning, and wit.

It was the family takeout night.

Someone got to pick what the whole family would order, no exceptions, no other fast food, no other options. It took a whole hour meeting of them trying to outsmart each, to impress Bruce so they could get the main prize and tonight Tim wanted Chinese food.

Which means that getting kidnapped wasn’t a good start to this afternoon. With a scowl on his face, he dug his heels into the carpet as the masked man was trying to drag him out of WE. It only worked a little since Tim was small and bearly when over the 110 marks. This might be why he was kidnapped so often because all they had to do to Tim Wayne was toss him over their shoulder.

The heels in the carpet did nothing, he was still dragged along like it was nothing. When they got to the car he looked up at the man. “Listen, I know you ‘re probably really good at this, but it’s family Take out and Movie night and I really want to win the food part, so can I just write you a check and go?”

“Get in the car kid!” The man growled grabbing him by the back of his shirt before forcing Tim inside the backseat, soon the other two men had shown up getting into the car before driving away. “Shut up and I won’t kill you, kid!”

Grumbling Tim crossed his arms eyes closed. Now he had a huge problem. Last few times he had lost to Dick and Jason. Italian food and Burgers where good but he really wanted to eat some Chinese food! It’s not like he could let his chance slip again! Not with Jason and Dick both plotting about some sorta new food, whatever it was called, but he wanted sesame chicken and pork fried rice damn it!

“I can write it right now. I have my checkbook and a pen,” Tim offered and when they said nothing he frowned. “Come on! What teenager has a pen nowadays?! Please….?! It’s a family food ad movie night!”

“I said shut up!”

Sitting back Tim started to tap his foot trying to think of an escape plan that would be simple enough for Tim Wayne. This would have been so much easier as Red Robin. He’d just knock them out before heading home.

Looking out the window he thought about throwing himself out the door but Tim knew that not only was that risky but did he really want to risk getting injured and stuck int he hospital with no food that he had his heart on? Nope! Time to think of something else.

After a few minutes, they pulled into an alleyway. Alright, this could work for him. Maybe just slip away when they weren’t looking. Easy, simple, he liked this.

Suddenly the car came to a stop in the middle of the always. Sitting up Tim looked around confused on why where they just here in the middle of this place where anyone could find them?! Handn’t they done this before or at least looked it up online before deciding to kidnap one of Wayne’s children?!

“Get the other car,”

Oh, they had a second car. Well, points to that. As he was yanked out of the car Tim just went limp, pretending to pass out. If they thought he did maybe they would have some struggle to get him the next car.

Suddenly he was just tossed over someone’s shoulder. Well, that never worked, why would it work now? Despite that, he was ready to figure out how to get home. The sound of something opening let him know that was probably the truck. Still being limp he was lowered down laid on the floor of the truck before it slammed shut.

Opening his eyes only after he felt the car starting Tim crossed his arms looking up into the darkness with a scowl on his face. Alright, now that he was alone there was an unknown window of time. First, he felt around with his hand looking for the strap that was often used in case kids got stuck in the trunk. Feeling around he found nothing.

“Right,” Tim mumbled before moving around to reach down to his watch pressing a button as small light blinked on. Taing off the watch he set it on his chest before moving to reach down to his show. A twist of the heel was made to reveal a lock picking kit. “Alright time to get out of here so I can get my food.”

Taking out the tools he started to mess with the lock moving the tools around trying find the right… mechaizmen…. A click. Ah ha! Carefully he held onto the lid waiting for the car to pull to a stop that way jumping out wasn’t going to cause to harm. Finally, it pulled to a stop peeking out he looked around the streets.

Carefully Tim slipped out of the trunk before moving carefully towards a shop. Going inside he kept down heading towards the back door when the front door slammed open “There he is!”

“Crap,” Tim shot off running towards the back door. Slamming it open he hurried over to the fire escape stairs. Lowering himself at the last moment he jumped up catching the end pulling himself up rushing up the stairs ignoring how his kidnappers struggled to try to get the stairs to pull down. “Sorry, I got to go!”

Getting to the top Tim looked around for an entrance. Finding the door he ran to it wiggling the handle only to find it locked. Now he could pick it but that would give the others time to reach him. Besides he didn’t want to lose his kit, it was brand new!

Going to the end of the building he looked over before humming. Yeah, that would be a perfect place to land on. Now all he needed was the sped. Running back to the end Tim took a breath before running full sped leaping off the building.

The second he got close enough to landing he tucked and rolled before springing back up running towards the door. Not waiting to see if it was locked or opened he kicked it open. No time to waste he hurried down the stairs to before ended up on a ninth floor.

Going out he realized he was in a realtor building. Luckily they had an elevator. Going over he pushed a button waiting. As he stood there Tim tried to fix his suit. It had gotten a bit crinkled with all that drama from work. Pushing the coat down trying to get the lines out e noticed that his phone was missing.

He would have to delete everything on there when he got home. Luckily it had a failsafe on it and if those thugs tried to use it the thing would fray itself out. Still, that was a nice phone! Had all his music on it… oh well, he’d pick up another one on the way home.

The bing, the doors opening as Tim walked in thinking about all his favorite foods he was going to be ordering tonight. Pork fried rice, sesame chicken, Sweet and sour chicken, beef and broccoli, cream cheese wontons, egg fu young, ah, there was much he was going to order and the leftovers he was going to put them in containers tomorrow that way he could eat them for and lunch.

Getting downstairs he sighed before asking the front desk if he could make a call. He called a few of his brothers, Jason, Dick to come to pick him up.

But those jerks! They wanted him to give up his bid to take out! Hanging up on them Tim st his hands on his hips debating on what he was about to do and if it was childish enough to warrant the single e was about to give out.

It was time to be childish.

“You know when you said you it was matter of life and death, I thought you meant actually dying,” Kon said as he carried Tim in his arms towards the Manor. “I don’t think fighting over what take out is life or death, Tim.”

“Have you’ve ever been to my family's take out night?” Tim asked as he held on smiling. He kissed Kon’s cheek. “Thanks for getting here so fast.”

“You screamed ‘Kon, I’m dying!’ of course I got there fast!” Kon said before smiling at the kiss. He held Tim a little closer before moving to fly lower as the Manor came into view. “You know for a place where some of the scariest people live is also one of the most beautiful places.”

“The Manor was in the talk of Home and Gardens,” It was said with pride because, well, yes Wayne Manor was a very lovely place to live and screamed wealth. As they landed on the balcony outside his room Tim gave Kon a kiss on the lips, a chase one but still loving. “Thank you, I’ll text you later!”

“See ya!”

Once showered, dried and dressed Tim hurried downstairs. He would have to grab a phone from the cave, for now, to use until he got a new one. Once he picked one that he liked, copied all his things to the new phone Tim Destroyed the old one.

Running back upstairs he headed towards the kitchen Tim got there in time to see everyone watching the news. At first, he wondered what happened and if this ruined the chance of his food but then he noticed that it was his own kidnapping.

“Well, looks like Drake is fine,” Damian said turned around. “Shame, with you gone I would have been able to beat these idiots easily,”

“Shut up, Satan’s child!” Jason snapped at him as he crossed his arms. “Brat’s right now, it would have been easier.”

“Glad you’re alright, Tim,” Dick grinned going over to hug before pulling back face getting serious. “But it’s time to battle.”

“First things first,” Bruce came over to Tim “Post something your social media so people won’t keep report that you’ve been kidnapped.”

“Right,” Tim said glaring at Dick as the older Robin backed away as they eyes each other up. He took out his phone opening up his app while asking “What game are we playing tonight, Bruce?”

“We haven’t drawn out the games yet,” Walking over to a small bowl that had small pieces of paper folded up into squares. Holding it up Bruce nodded to boys as they all sat down around the island table waiting. Bruce shuffled the papers before holding one up. “First game tonight. Janga. The ten-second rule applies, everyone has that time to make their move, if you miss it, you’re out.”

Tim paused to take a picture of himself flashing a peace sign while added that he was safe at home and that it was thanks to Batman. Yeah, he’s dealing with the press another day. Looking back he was already thinking about how to make his first move, well depending on who went first second and third.

“Second part will be,” Bruce moved the papers again before pulling out another one looking it over for a second. “Calculations.”

Dick frowned slightly, not that he was bad at it but going against Tim? That was going to be a challenge not to mention he could tell that the stakes where high tonight. Tim had an air of wanting to win and it was strong.

“After that, the final challenge will be,” A toss of the bowl before the last paper came out. “Connet four.”

“Tt.” Damian looked at the other three eyes narrowed. It was a simple childish game but placing that game in the mix with them? He knew he’d have to be careful. “When do we start?”

“Now.” Bruce turned around picking up the Jenga game opening it. “You know the rules, last one standing gets food order rights. Now, since we did it youngest to oldest last week, will go oldest to youngest.”

Everyone wast tensely watching as Tim placed his last block on top as the tower wobbled a bit before going back to being still. Once it stilled moved forward quickly eyes scanning the thing as his time was quickly going he got one block out placing it on top before they all paused as the thing wiggled more threating to topple over.

Crash!

“Yes!” Tim shouted throwing his arms up into the air “I win!”

“I’ll kill you, Drake!”

“You lot, so shut it!” Tim yelled as the two of them started to face off only to be ripped again. “Hey!”

“Enough!” Bruce set them down. “Damian, you lost. Alright, let’s move on with calculations.”

Dick was struggling as he answered another question. On the paper there were ten questions, each of them made by Bruce, did he ever put an easy one? No! Not at all so he was trying to get done as soon as possible. If anything he had to be at least second to move on to the next round.

The scrapping of paper, however, was unnerving and he could hear how fast Tim was going. Damn, this was a major disadvantage with this challenge. Tim was a well-known genius and maybe people underestimated Jason but the second Robin was a lot smarter than most people knew.

The hope had been that Tim would have been taken out in the first round but since that didn’t happen he had to do his best to get all the answers right and to finish on time. The stupid timmer was a half hour but he almost cringed when he heard the small ping of the bell in and Tim call out that he was done.

Trying to force his mind to work fast Dick scribbled down his answers as fast as he could. The second bell made him wince as he could feel Jason’s smirk even though he hadn’t looked up. Once he was done he flipped his paper over and smacked the bell.

“Done!”

“Alright, there were two minutes and three seconds left on the bell.” Bruce closed his phone before taking all the papers reading them over. “Tim got every answer right.”

“Of course,” Jason rolled his eyes. “Come on, old man who’s it gonna be me or Dick?”

Taking a minute to go over both the papers Bruce took his time before looking up. “Jason is the winner. Dick, you forgot to show your work on two of these.”

“Noooooooo!” Dick cried laying his head down. “I wanted pizza!”

“F*ck yeah!” Jason yelled standing up before glaring at Tim, his hand patting his hidden gun. “Ready to lose?”

“Like that’s going to happen,” Tim glared standing full height though it did very little against how tall Jason was. “Get ready to be buried twice.”

“Damn, that’s cold,” Jason smirked. “Alright, bring it on!”

The rules were the same as Janga, you have ten seconds to get your move in or you lost. Tim and Jason had been moving their red and black pieces as fast as possible as well as keeping tabs on each other’s moves.

Baby blue eyes and Lazurus’s green eyes glared at each other while they moved their pieces down into the slots as the pieces continued to fall until finally there was only a few moved left. Jason moving one over only he bearly missed the line as it fell into the wrong slot before he could snag it up.

“No! Damn it!”

Without hesitation, Tim put his second to the last piece in before jumping up with his hands raised high. “Yes! I am victorious!”

“Damn it!” Jason hit his fists on the table before sitting back. “Whatever, you got lucky!”

“Don’t be a sore loser, Jay,” Dick laughed as he moved to put the game away.

“It makes you look pathetic, Todd.”

“You were sulking this whole time!”

“Enough!” Bruce yelled as he pulled out his phone. “Alright, Tim, what are we ordering?”

As the Silence of the Lambs played, it was near the end in the Family movie room. In front of them on the coffee table, it was full of Chinese take out boxes. Everyone had their own plate filled with this and that from the place and even got seconds.

Tim was in his chair next to Bruce watching the movie as he slowly ate the late of his food eyes closing a little. Even though the movie wasn’t scary to him, hell they have seen worse. With the last bite of his food, the warm bubbling feeling that had settled in his stomach the second the food had arrived was expanding as he felt relaxed and peaceful.

Shifting more he laid his head on Bruce’s shoulder slowly dozing up thinking about what leftover Chinese food he was going to eat tomorrow. Just before he could slip all the way under he made a mental note that next week he wanted Korean food.

#fan fiction #Tim Drake #family #Batkids

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

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HUZZAH 3 FOR ONE BECAUSE I KEPT GETTING TOO SLEPPY TO GET OUT MY LAPTOP

’m very sleepy and will not get out my laptop

Woke up to my shoulder hurting more than yesterday, probably from going ham on the arm circles and sleeping on my arm. Did jack shit for a while, took a shower at noon, waited around and played harvest moon until 4 to get moms groceries, dropped them off at home, and went to work. They had me move plants out of the open to under an awning so they wouldn’t get covered in snow and ice from the SNOWSTORM were having in the MIDDLE OF APRIL?? Whatever. After all the plants were moved my gloves were soaked and I couldn’t see anything from my goofy glasses so I went inside and spent the rest of my shift very slowly stocking shelves until 8. I thought I was going until 9, so stopping at 8 was a nice surprise. I had to pull out the snow brush ice scraper and brush off my car before heading home. I took some pictures of the snow covered trees which were very pretty. When I pulled into the driveway I thought a branch had already fallen, but it was just a small tree flopped over entirely because of all of the snow. My sister came home so I made noodles and we ate together and I went to hang out in my room. A while later the power went out, came back for a second, then went again. Dad knocked on my door telling me to use blankets and have candles at the ready. I looked around and found some triple a batteries for my cat lamp so I could still have fun lights during the power outage. Dad mentioned there was already a branch in the street and I wanted to see it. I followed him outside and wouldn’t you know it 70% of my neighbors tree was in the street. Dad and I looked around the garage for chain or something to move it so my mom could pull into the driveway after her night shift, but when we went out to try it, a tree removal crew was already at the end of the street taking care of a smaller fallen branch. Dad waved them down with his flashlight and soon enough 4 different vehicles were on our street and about 5 bald, burly, bearded white men were chopping up and pulling aside the tree. I watched as the bulldozer ran over the branches to break them up and shove them aside, and it was all really fun to watch as they made a huge racket. They finished pretty quickly, about half an hour. It’s a little sad that like 80% of that tree was now gone and the neighbors are probably going to have to chop down the rest of it. Then again I’d rather they chop it down than leave just that awkward one remaining branch and big cracked trunk. I bet the tree guys were busy tonight with all the trees holding so much snow and ice on their leaves. Dad and I went back inside and the power came back on quickly after that, and I promptly turned off most of the lights lol. Now I’m sleepy in bed good night. Oh wat my drawfee mug arrived!! And I love him!!! I walked into the kitchen and saw him sitting there and it made me so happy :)

Ho hum I really didn’t do much today. Ate a bagel and cream cheese in my room, played harvest moon, took a shower, started laundry but never finished, played more harvest moon, went to dollar tree and Arby’s, stubbed 2 of my toes really bad, FaceTimed my eldest brother to talk about what we’ve all been up to and scheduale flights out to Seattle Washington where he lives, and now I’m in bed ready to go to sleep but my cat is on my hip and au can’t turn off my lamp. my brother is planning on flying us all out to Seattle mid July, so I gotta research some stuff that we might want to do together. My only suggestion so far is eating a hotpot together lmao. It was super fuckin cold in the house today because of the snow and later hail and my mom usually having the heat off. It got down to about 60 before I finally turned the heat on. On my way to/from my dollar tree run, I had to weave around people and cars all around the block because there was a gathering for someone on my street. She has cancer and is apparently VERY popular because there were cars all around the block and approximately a billion people at the end of the cul-de-sac. I thought about going over there, but I have no idea who she is and didn’t know anyone visiting her so instead I just brought my groceries inside. I was in the middle of making myself some ramen noodles when my groupchat was talking about someone’s oc which is just a dude with a fish head and big tiddies, so I made fanart and it was spicy enough to be embarrassed about it but I ended up sharing it anyway aarrjfasfsf

today was pretty productive, I'd say. I texted my boss last night and this morning, asking if she would need my help at work today, and she responded that yes she wanted my help this afternoon. before then I made a roast upon my mom’s request/instructions, played some harvest moon, ate the roast when it was done, and left for work. I moved plants around outside for 4 hours until I was hungry and my back hurt. it was actually kind of fun, and I could tell I was comfortable and having a good time because I was able to joke around with my boss and later the high school girl who came in to hep move plants around. I felt MUCH more comfortable sorting plants outside than I did trying to stock hardware inside on my last shift, even if I don't know all that much about flowers. a ton of blooms fell off during my shift, so whatever I found on the ground I placed on the concrete base of one of he pillars around the garden center so I could take them home at the end of my shift to press in a book. I finished my shift part way through organizing the hydrangeas. I dont feel too bad about leaving when I did, since a couple other people clocked in to help right before then. my boss is out on vacation for the week so the head of the garden center who I was working with all day brought me into her office and handed me some paperwork to let me legally work there and get on the payroll. I still have to fill that out. il do it in the morning. when I got home I brought my sister half of a Twix twin pack, ate some leftovers, did some dishes, and waited for my dad to get home from mcallisters with food. normally I get a pick 2 with a teaser salad wrap and a soup, but the last 2 times I got the wrap they’ve been SO dissapeointng :( not enough fillings at all. it was great the first few times I got it, maybe they just hate me now >:( lmao. next time maybe I'll just get the normal salad or sandwich instead of the wrap. damn talking about food is making me hungry agaiinnnnnnnn. anyway I also tried getting a new security card, so I made an account and gave them the info, but when I placed the order and tried to give my address, it didn't work 3 times and logged my out until tomorrow :/ bleh. I guess ill have to try again later. I drew more titty fish.

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #2021 daily #long post

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smolchildren-ily · 4 years

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CAREFUL! VERY GRAPHIC AT TIMES!!!! Can be triggering for people who lost pets :(

Yesterday you crossed the rainbow bridge. Susi. A name I gave you just for fun. You, a random cat who kept stopping by and who ended up having her on basket on our terrace, sheltered from the wind underneath the table. You, who, without me knowing, grew really attached to my heart. I bought food for you passionately, I did, as weird as it may sound, I was eager to go shopping for you and I was so happy every time I could feed you because I saw how happy it made you. Unlike our two 'actual' cats who just ever complain, dont eat up or just straight up leave the food the way we put it in the bowl. I would be even happier when I could give you their leftovers because it meant you would have an extra full belly that day. I made sure to always provide you with dry food, too, always filled up the bowl when it was empty - which it was a lot, but a handful of other cats come by, too, I know. Also your brothers, or at least those who I call your brothers, because often times after I would have given you food you licked it a bit and then vanished just to return with Oliver and "Lackl" behind you. I felt like you always made sure they also got a full belly, even more than you yourself, actually, and that is the reason why you kept getting them. Now, with you gone, they have no more lead, and they will never know where you disappeared to or why their beloved sister left them. I feel so sorry for them, too. But they still stop by, just an hour ago both came here together. I will feed them in your stead. I will give them one pack extra, the pack that used to be for you. I loved you so much and I didnt even realize until I saw you motionless, like you were sleeping, in the absolute middle of the street in front of our house, but hidden behind big bushes so I couldn't see you. I couldn't help you. When the lady with the dog came and asked me who owns a fluffy, grey-black cat and that she would be out on the street, dead. You were already dead. Already dead. Blood poured from your mouth, and from your mouth only. A small puddle had formed under your head. Thick, cherry red blood. When I... When I picked up your body later that day, in the evening, to... to... to take you to the most heartbreaking, unholy and disgusting place, unworthy of any loved animal or animal at all, actually, because my mum didnt want you in her garden next to her beloved cat, I realized. I realized that you had only been dead for a maximum of 30 to 60 minutes. The 30 to 60 minutes I had just gotten up. I think it was late that I got up, either at 9.5 or 8.5 or maybe it was 8.14 after all. And because I felt it was so late, I was so surprised not to see you in front of the door already, like I saw you every day. Every day, for, I dont actually know how long. I dont know for how long I've known you. I dont think it was very long, but I dont remember. I just know that you were suddenly just t h e r e. Because, your brothers, they had actually visited us even before you started coming to our house. And then one day they brought you and you stayed.

You weren't there yesterday morning, and I didnt think about it much. It sometimes happened that you needed to catch on as to that I was awake - usually by my steps or latest when I opened the blinds of the kitchen window which faces the garden and the direction that we believe you stemmed from. So I went to open the blinds and sat bored beside my other cat and watched her eat, as I have to do because otherwise she wont eat often times. And I was looking forward to seeing your small, excited face behind the glass door, and to pet your soft fur. Then watch you eat away and walk into my way to beg for more. When my cat was done, I happily grabbed a pack, a different one from usual, because you had begun to not like the usual, so I wanted to give you a special treat. And I grabbed that pack and skipped to the door, opened it energetically and awaited your absolute immediate arrival and exploding joy over me and the food I was bringing you. You didnt come, which was weird. Somewhat weird, but it had been raining all week, and during rain you seemed to spend a lot of your time somewhere else. Maybe at the place that was originally your home? Your origin is still 50/50 a mystery. My mum says from the farmer where your brothers are from, but I'm not sure. But it must have been the case, because where else would you have come from? A bit run down, skinny. God, you looked so healthy just a couple of days me feeding you. So little days. I was proud you recovered so quickly, unlike your brothers, who seem to be doing very badly all the time. Such soft fur, so sleek.

And the blood was fresh and your limbs were still moving normally when I touched you. That is, later that day, that I realized: If I had gotten up earlier. If I hadn't been so lazy or tired or both. Just, maybe a couple of minutes? Maybe just 15 minutes? Who knows if you would have made it safely across the street to our house. Because you would have heard me open the blinds sooner. And you would have made your way to me sooner, and the car, the driver who was on his way to work, he wouldn't have hit your head, or any other part of you. I was just so happy that you weren't obviously hurt anywhere. Just this blood dripping from your mouth, forming a small puddle under your small, beloved head I loved to pet more than I had realized.

And I wonder, if I hadn't been so lazy or tired, if you would still be here today, and yesterday. Or if it already happened before I got up. While I was still... I wasnt sleeping, I was awake. As always, as usual. My cat always wakes me up in the middle of the night and or I just wake up at 5 or 6 or 7. Usually I stay in bed until 8, in any of those cases. But I stayed longer than 8 even, and if I had just gotten up. I wonder, could I have helped you? But I wouldt have seen you, hidden behind the big bushes, outside on the street.

The lady vet who was very busy but was one of the only ones who answered my call told me if a car hit her on the head she was probably immediately dead. Or wherever you were hit. I hope. I hope. I hope you were. Were... you know, immediately. Without pain. I wish that you died loving me and looking forward to seeing me again and to receive pets. And I will give them to you, and all the food and all the hugs you want, once we meet again. Because I hope we meet again, I dearly do, seldom have I hoped so intensely for heaven to exist. I realized that the older I get, the harder it becomes to say goodbye, to lose someone. Up until this day I believed it would become EASIER. Easier, because by an old age, you would have been through so much already. Lost so many people, so many cats. But I realize it's not and I dread the days I have to say goodbye to our other cats, to any cat, actually, to any animal. I will not be thinking about people at this time, because it is too soon. To soon, to soon, to soon. As it was too soon for you. I love you so much.

Given we have somewhat a neighbour hassle I put my mind to try to find a vet who would examine your body. To make sure you weren't poisoned, because I couldn't see any visible injuries on you. Just this little, thick puddle of cherry red blood underneath your mouth. So many vets only opened in the late afternoon, so many were on holiday, so many only opened again on Monday. But I found this lady vet, and whilst having a patient on the table she hurryliy told me that, if I found you in the middle of the road, it was most likely car. And you were probably dead. You know. What I hope you was. For your sake. And for my sake. I dont want to talk about it anymore. I love you.

After this lady vet, who said that she technically does examine bodies, but who seemed somewhat reluctant and like the result was clear anyway, I called who I was going to call in the first place: the animal clinic 40 minutes from us. I wasnt keen on being with... a body, because that is what you were at that point, a body. With a body in the car for 40 minutes, but I was gonna do it, just to know, just to make sure that t h i s o n e t i m e I would actually k n o w what happened to my cat. So I would know and not wonder for the rest of my life: What happened? What went wrong? Could I have done something? Do I need to guard our other cats? But I was going to do it.

The lady who picked up this time was very friendly. She caught on almost immediately that I'd just lost a cat, and after she called me back to tell me that poison leaves the body too quickly to get usable results and that it would be a few hundred euro to have this analysis done, told me she wished me all the best and if I have any questions I should call. She was the first person that day - yesterday, it was just yesterday. But it felt like a nightmare, and it feels long ago already. A nightmare I want to forget, but I dont want to forget you. Susi.

She acknowledge my pain and your death and she consoled me when I had noone else who would do that for me. My parents are on holiday until tomorrow, the one friend who I told about your death literally just replied "I'm so sorry, that's so terrible, crying faces". But I needed more than that. I didnt get it until today when I woke up just as devastated as I was yesterday and went to have lunch with my grandmother, who also knew you. And who liked you, too.

"The green-eyed one" is what she called you. The green-eyed one, because green eyes you had. So beautiful, so big. In German, we like to say "Telleraugen". Eyes as big as plates. She was also visibly devastated. It is always said to tell your old grandmother that another beloved person or animal died. So much pain they have gone through already, and it just keeps getting worse.

But we talked a lot and long about you. And how it happened. Probably happened. And who I suspect to be the murderer. Our immediate neighbours, one of them at least. When I opened the door, shortly after, I heard them leave. The woman left in her white car. But I was just glad she left, I didnt care what direction she drove off to, so I didnt see where she went. I wish I had. And usually she drives into the direction where I found you on the street. May God punish her for her sins, and do so gruelly and painfully. If it was her. Maybe it was him, because later he returned in his old, small motorcycle thing. Maybe it was him. He shall be punished just as hard and gruelly as his girlfriend if it was either of them. And if it wasnt, I wish your murderer the plague and death and a hell of a lot of gruesome pain for the rest of their pitiful life. My first suspicions had been the neighbours who had newly moved here the last couple of years. Some younger people and old people who dont care at all that we have limit here in our village of 30 kmh. Who just never care and race down the hill like they own the place. And then hit a cat that just casually wanted to get her breakfast from a human who loves her very much. I hate all of you spenders, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, and I hate this neighbourhood and I hope everyone here dies a cruel death. Bit most of all, I hope your murderer and all other spenders who put the lives of loved ones at risk, die gruesome and cruel deaths. Just like you had to. I still love you.

Time is progressing, my battery decreasing and it is getting colder. I've written so much by now, but I have so, so much more to talk about. Tomorrow, my arms and fingers will hurt because I typed all of this on my phone. But at least I still have a body and feelings that can hurt me. Unlike you, who is not here anymore.

That day yesterday was so cruelly terrible. Oh my god.

I was so restless the whole day because I didnt know what to do with your body. I put it in the semi-shed/semi-room at the back of our house, where the small greenhouse and the grave of my mother's beloved cat, who was also hit by a car, but out of nowhere after a whopping 7 years of life. The grave which is also there. I had put you in a wooden basket somewhat, onto kitchen roll. For the blood to drip onto. And to make it more comfortable in your death, even though it probably wouldn't have made a big difference, even if you could have, or would have, still felt it. It was a bit too small for you and when I picked you up, you were so heavy, and so motionless, like, and I hate to draw this comparison, but like a sack of potatoes. Heavy and motionless and it was so weird to lift you up without you moving and squirming and trying to get away from me. It was so strange, alien strange, horribly strange. I saw the puddle out of the corner of my eyes but I didnt really see anything and I didnt want to see anything, the lady with the dog just wanted you off the street and that's what I did. I was blind with tears and when I put that wooden basket thing down I saw I hadn't put your head in a too comfortable position so I... I moved you a bit so that your head wouldn't be down at your chest, and your legs moved instead a bit over the rim. Then I squatted there, looking at you. As I do a lot with my other cat. To make sure you really weren't breathing anymore. To discover that you would still be breathing and I could still take you to the vet after all and I would still be able to feed you and pet you, and all would be good. But after staring at you intensely for 2 minutes or so. Blood still dripping a tiny bit out of your mouth, just luckily I didnt have to see that, your head was still moved so that I couldn't really see your face, just mostly your body. But I saw the blood on the kitchen roll expanding. It was seemingly clear that you were. The four letters.

But I didnt really believe it. Not really. Not really so. I went back upstairs to cry, and to do something about my sadness. To call the vets, have you examined, get clearance. To put my sadness to work. And as I sat there at the kitchen table with the phones I still expected you to come running up the stairs, staring into the room and scratching the glass door to have your food. That you just passed out for an hour or two or so and would come back. I really did!

And every shadow I saw out of the corner of my eyes, I thought they were all you, returning from the backside of the houses happily and healthy and excited and quirky as ever. Just your usual self, you know.

But you didnt come, and I was restless. After I had talked to the first lady vet I realized, I decided it was most likely a car that hit you. So at least I knew how it most probably happened. But what do to with your body? And I didnt want to bring you away just yet. Because it was clear to me that I would have to bring her to the most horrible, ungrateful and unworthy of any beloved pet or animal place on earth. Because you weren't my mums favourite, and she wouldn't want you in her garden. But at lunch I asked her anyway. I texted her about that I found you dead in street in the morning, and if I could bury you next to Leeloo to give you the forever home you probably always wanted. Just a little too late.

But my mother said no. Well, not explicitly. But she suggested I take you there, and after I said I didnt want to but it is her garden and her decision. I had to wait another couple of hours, until 6 o'clock in the evening, one of which I spent half asleep in bed with our second cat, because the living still demanded my attention, oblivious of the fact that one of them had just reached the end of their road. Until 6 clock in the evening when she finally replied to take you there.

Up until that point, I had gone back a couple of times to check on you. I sat at the kitchen table knowing flies would be all over your body at some point, because this is not the first time I had to witness the dead body of one of our cats. And I didnt want the flies there so I covered you up with newspapers. Another time I came to you with scissors and an empty box that had stored Qtips, because I wanted something od you to remain with me for the rest of my life. And your fur look so inviting, not flat on your skin but a bit more wildly into the air. So I carefully cut a few tips of your fluffy silkness. The box is sitting in front of me in the book shelf, originally I wanted to bury at least this bit of you in the garden next to the beloved cat. I wanted at least some part of you to have a furever home. And I still do. But I cant do it just yet. It could be that I will just keep it here. But I will definitely put up a stone with writing on it, saying "In love and remembrance of Susi".

Another time, before that, I think, I spent a long while sitting on the tiny stone rim in front of Leeloos grave, because I was pondering if I shouldn't just bury you anyway, despite what my mother says about you. But it was her garden, so I didnt. Just this one time, I wish I had not done as I was told. I wish I hadn't even asked.

But there, in the middle of the path to the grave, there were a bunch of unusally long daisies growing l, and I had the strong desire to put up flowers for Susi. For you. So I picked them and laid them down next to your body.

I think I went down another time, always in "full gear", with heavy boots on because the grass at the backside is usually wet and gross. But you laid on concrete in the semi-room, so no worries. So I went down there just to be with you. Because I still didnt want to believe it. I couldn't believe it. I refused to. I thought if I just spent some more time with you, you would wake back up. I had one of the masks on and one time gloves when I touched you. Which I didnt for the most part.

When I had Google about the poison, many people describe situations like your death. No, sorry, I googled what the blood meant, and that is where I found it could be poison, or even a heart attack, or inner injuries. But these people also described their cats having their eyes open, so I went to check your eyes cause I hadn't seen them. And they were open. Though I only saw one. One side of your face. If your cute, beautiful face. And I tried to close them, it, but almost immediately realized it didnt work, so I gave up. But I wish I could have done at least that for you.

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bugheadotp · 7 years

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yo! I'm in love with your writing, and i'm in a weird sad angst mood, I need a sad af fic. everything after 1x12 feels like too much for jughead and he attempts suicide, betty finds him, and then he's admitted to the hospital. Betty meets his mom and jellybean for the first time in the waiting room where she fell asleep, and after that she visits him in the hospital every single day, why am I in the mood for such sadness? I dont know, but it would mean the world if you wrote this for me. thanks!

thank you! i’ll give it a go

trigger warnings: mentions of self harm & suicide

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

he’d had enough.

enough of the looks, the whispers & rumors, the gossip. he wanted it all to stop.

last year people didn’t really notice him, he could blend into the crowd easy enough but being the (now former) best friend of a football player, girlfriend of a cheerleader, friend of another cheerleaderand now son of the accused killer of jason blossom. it was all getting too much.

betty had been trying to call him all afternoon but he’d been avoiding his phone like the plague maybe i should just get the plague then i’ll be gone.

gone.

sitting alone in his fathers trailer, he looked around the tv at the photo frames of his family. picking up the one with his mother in, he smashed it on the ground. why did she reject me.

he started breaking more and more things, first more frames then plates finishing with the glasses.

his phone kept ringing, he felt guilty for ignoring his girlfriend so finally he picked up “what betty?”

“juggie are you okay? i’ve been looking for you for ages. come back please” she pleaded.

his heart broke at her voice “i can’t bets. it’s better this way. better if i never come back”

“never come back? jug what’re you going to do?”

“goodbye elizabeth cooper. i love you” he hung up and smashed his phone to the ground. picking up a shard of glass, he pressed it along his arm deep enough to draw some blood.

it stung at first. he washed his bloody arm under the tap. he tried again. finding the vein and dragging the glass across sighing as the blood oozed out.

a knock at the door startled him “juggie open up” betty sounded worried.

he looked at his arm and shook his head no one worries about me. taking the glass to his other arm, he started to feel faint. knocking over the table in his way he fell to the ground.

he heard betty talking to someone else but couldn’t make out any words. the door to the trailer opened and she ran to him looking distraught “juggie what did you do?”

the man behind was the trailer park owner who was on the phone calling an ambulance.

“get him some towels” betty ordered the older man. looking back at her boyfriend she took his head in her hand stroking his hair “it’s gonna be okay jug. keep looking at me.”

“bets” his voice was so quiet “love you” he managed to get out

“jughead look at me” he opened his eyes again “i love you too jughead to do this for me. stay with me.”

the paramedics arrived and the next half hour was a blur. she rode with them to the hospital not letting go of his hand until the last moment where she was almost dragged away. sitting in the waiting room, she was holding his beanie, crying. not caring what people around her thought.

the doors to the waiting room crashed open “i’m looking for my son” she heard “forsythe jones the third.” looking up betty saw his mom and sister, she recognized gladys and jellybean from the pictures in the trailer.

“mrs jones?” she asked “i’m betty cooper. juggie’s girlfriend” she introduced holding out her hand like her parents taught her to do with new people but the elder woman pulled her in for a hug.

“do you know what happened?” she asked now hugging a crying jellybean.

“fp was arrested for the murder of jason blossom. everyone was picking on jughead and he left school early. i called him so many times but he didn’t pick up and when he did” betty was crying at his point “he said goodbye so i went to the trailer and found him like this.”

jellybean turned to hug her brothers girlfriend “thank you for finding him” she said. betty kissed her forehead hugging back.

it was now the end of the day and still no news. archie and veronica had turned up as well as kevin who was holding a now very sleepy and exhausted betty. fred and alice walked in, greeting gladys and jellybean.

“come on guys” fred said “i’ll take you all home”

“no” betty insisted “i’m staying here”

“sweetheart you need rest you have school tomorrow” alice spoke up

“no. i’m not going to school till jughead’s better. they caused it you know” everyone looked confused “everyone at school. the name calling, the abuse he was getting. people throwing things at him.”

“you don’t know that for sure. it could have been anything.”

“really? his dad gets arrested, his mom turned him away, none of you believe that fp’s innocent. you all turned your backs on him. i know him and i love him. he wouldn’t do this unless he felt like he couldn’t cope.”

this took everyone by surprise. they all knew the two were dating but didn’t know how they felt. alice was the one to break the silence “come on, i’ll take you home” before betty could protest she continued “i’ll bring you back tomorrow” she turned to gladys and jellybean “you’re both welcome back too. jellybean, why don’t you come back with us and have a good sleep and change of clothes.”

the young girl looked to her mother who nodded “i’ll call if i hear anything. thanks ali.”

both mothers hugged and alice led them out to the car and drove them home.

during the middle of the night, betty heard her door open and she shot up “jelly?” she asked

the girl walked closer to her “i couldn’t sleep. can i stay with you tonight betty?” the older girl nodded and shifted in her bed to make room and the two fell asleep.

the next morning, after eating breakfast, alice took them to the hospital with a change of clothes for gladys who was asleep in the waiting room.

about two hours later a doctor came out to ask for family of forsythe jones.

“i’m his mom” she responded “how is he?”

“he’s doing better. although there was massive blood loss, we managed to give him some o-neg and for now it’s looking good. he hasn’t woken up yet but should within the next hour or two. do you want to go see him?”

gladys looked relieved but pointed at betty and jellybean “they will. i need to change and call some people.”

the doctor nodded and led the two to his room. he was hooked up to machines and blood packs. the two girls took up a seat on either side of him and held his hands.

betty must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew, jellybean was shaking her shoulder to wake her up “look” the young jones said “he’s awake.”

betty moved closer to the bed and saw his smile “you’re awake” he said.

she smiled for a moment before slapping his leg “don’t do that again jug.”

jellybean left the room to get their moms.

he opened slid over in his bed and let her lay down “i’m sorry i scared you. i just wanted it to be over”

“i know babe” she comforted him. placing her hand on his cheek “but i’m here whenever you need to talk okay.” he nodded

“i love you betty”

“i love you too jughead” she nestled into him, his arm now resting on her shoulders.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thoughts?

#bughead #bughead fanfiction #betty cooper #betty x jughead #jughead jones #alice cooper #tw #jellybean jones #gladys jones

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ecotone99 · 4 years

Text

[HR] If I follow the rules I wont die

Sara you know that I love you. Since the college days and even now. But when you lay dead before me half decayed I feel my life essence being sucked out. I did not mean to kill her. "

"She's our daughter."

"I did not kill her ..no I did not...." Rohan dropped on the floor.

Though it was in 1990 when he murdered his girlfriend Sara and her daughter Daneil,he could still see the blood on the floor. He could feel the stench that filled his room.

Everyone in southern Indian know about the summer in Chennai. The sun burns so hot in the afternoon that no living being will ever come out in open. But in the evening everything changes. The sky will turn red, seagulls chirping, the cold breeze from the beach and a person in a right spot will forget all his worries and praise the ultimate being for keeping him alive.

And that is when young Rohan saw her for the first time. Though Rohan was an introvert and also was quite new to the town , he knew the city well. She was with her friends but she wasn't chatting with them or gave any attention to them . She was more focused on petting a stray dog. Rohan loved dogs and he had lost his lab the previous year and this scene made Rohan notice her.

Sara was a pretty girl, black straight but not so long, black eyes, a typical pretty south Indian. That day something sparked

Rohan was in Chennai to complete his bachelors in Engineering. He belonged to a decent middle class family and was able to afford a pretty good college to study at. He didn't miss his family that much. He cried a bit when he left his house in Trichurapalli but that was it. He didn't have many friends or any good memories there. College was his escape pod.

In college he got friends, both the good ones and the bad ones. But he was happy there. And one day he saw her there , in the college canteen with that same company but she seemed talkative. Being the shy one he didn't have guts to call her for a coffee.

Turned out one day that she was one of his friend's twin sister. Then they became friends. He really liked his new friend . But soon he came to know about her life. Her boyfriend, her secrets he came to know about most of them. Moreover that's what best friends do right, share secrets with each other. That day he realized that something was wrong with him . So he tried to stay away from her. He knew he loved her but was too afraid to accept it. And one day he told her.

She said "no". Not an answer that he did not expect. Moreover who was he , just another insignificant brown guy in her life - he thought himself. He was depressed for few months and finally moved on though it costed him a part of older self the essence of childishness that his parents loved the most about him.

Something changed in the pre final year.She was still a friend of his even after his proposal and she had handled that issue maturely. She got a new boyfriend and Rohan was normal. Until the night when she kissed him in her house. They were tired after the late night party and Rohan decided to stay in his friend , also Sara's twin brother Jonas's house. Fear stuck Rohan. Not because of something dangerous but the thought falling in love.

The next day everything was fine and she was with her boy friend the whole day and Rohan blamed the alcohol for that night. But why did he not resist?

People are mysterious. And is there anything more mysterious? What about love? What are we if we lose the ability to love? What will you see the next time you stare into your loved ones eyes? An abyss.

4 years later

June 28 1990

14:30 hrs

Somewhere in Chennai

"Ding""Dong"

Sara opened the door and the sight of Rohan chilled her spine. "We agree...agreed not to meet again" Sara told with a trembling voice.

"I'm leaving to Australia this July. Wanted to see you for one last time."

"My husband has gone out to work "

"Let me see her "

" No Rohan dont start this ag..gg.gain" Sara started stuttering making the dark shade under her eyes because of normal household duties more visible.

"I want to see my daughter for one last time"

" Rohan she is my daughter "

"She is our daughter and we both know it"

" Rohan stop this please" she started crying and dropped on the floor

"Just once then I'm gone forever"

A little kid came to the door running

"Momma why are you crying momma" she said in her innocent voice putting her finger right into her mouth just after saying that

"Momma cries when she is happy sweet." She told her 4 years old daughter wiping off her tears and lifted her

" Uncle over here is Momma's old friend and he brought me a very good news " she added

The kid stared at Rohan for few moments and she said

"Unkk....." unable to pronounce properly she started waving her hands in the air as to ask him why he was there

"She got your hair and smile. How come she is not like me?"

"The eyes"

He started to cry as he saw the same brown eyes that he sees everyday in the mirror on her .

" crying.. unckk" she said looking puzzled and turned back to her mom

" uncle is sad that he has to leave now" Sara said

"Go play with your toys Daniel" she added with a bit rough tone

Daniel went inside

"Is he treating you good" Rohan asked

"I'm happy Rohan. My life is perfect" she replied with tears but with a bold voice

" Happy ending then"

Sara waited till he turned back and got out of her vision.

Two months later

10 September 1990

20:14 hrs

The rain was so heavy that no could differentiate day or night by looking outside. It was so dark that the hell itself was asleep. The darkness even the predators feared of was surrounding the whole city . With the power cut the lightning and thunder was more noticeable. Very loud bright and frequent that it will make any man feel inferior . And Sara was in her living room.

"Danniellllll....." she tried to shout but she couldn't. Her whole body was shivering and each thunder just made it worse.

" Dannielll...where.rr.r are you?" In a helpless manner

Her heart was pounding fast..dub dub dub dub like million beats per second.

She already searched outside and Danniel wasn't there .

Her hair was wet and she was soaked. Her husband was on a business trip to Singapore and she was all on her own.

"Danniel.....come to momma" she started walking slower as she saw another foot prints on the floor as the lightning striked.

When the next lighting striked she made sure she remembered the path the footprints led. It led to her bed room. Danniel's toys were scattered on the floor. When she neared the bed room door she could her her child crying with fear. She blasted inside to find Rohan sitting on the bed with Danniel on his hands.

"Shhhhh Shhh Papa is here .. and he wont leave you hereafter..shhh shhh"

" Rohan what is this" she asked as calmly as possible one hand reaching for her girl and the other one trembling with a kitchen knife behind her back.

" I couldn't leave her Sara I tried please dont take her away from me"

"I won't Rohan"she replied calmly as she brought the kid to her side.

" you are happy. Everyone in this goddamn world is happy and why does all the bad thing only happen to me"

" we will talk about this later tomorrow " Sara replied. She tried the landline hours back. It wasn't working.

"She is the only good thing ever happened to me " he dropped on his knees crying.

Isn't that the difficult things of all " moving on". People easily say that. "Move on , it will heal " or does it really. Is that what moving on is about?Giving your soul some time to heal itself!!"....

It never heals ..it is an open wound since day one. It doesn't heal. It wont ever. What are scars when compared with real pain? People say hard things will leave a scar so that we will remember it forever. We move on by learning to live with the wounds. We try to choke the bleeding by giving a part of ourselves in doing so.

And we continue our usual life but stronger than yesterday.

But some are weak .

Rohan reached out to grab danniel's arm but Sara pushed her back.

"Mmmmaaaa" she heard a scream

She found her daughter lying on the floor and there was pool of blood. Before she could react the poor thing had already died. Sara didn't know what to do..she knelt before her dead child feeling as soulless as the body in front of her. Without think she turned back to kill that devil . But when she turned he was already there. Right beside her. Feeling soulless .He took the knife from her hand and slit her throat wide open.

"If I don't go out off this building I will die" Rohan said

" I have to go"

"Dont talk with anyone"

"Knives are dangerous"

"I dont wanna die"

The room was scribbled with pencils and some words were written with his own blood.Some words were identifiable and those read "love" "mistake" "pain".

"Patient seems to show no improvement over the increment of dosage"

"I'm gonna die if I dont follow the rules"

"Personal blog #542 patient no.720 one of the rarest cases. Still haven't recovered from the trauma he had experienced.Subject is charged guilty for two homicides which includes a girl of 5 . DNA test proved that the daughter was his own. Monsters do exist. The date is 28 June 1999 and this is Dr. June signing off"

"I'm gonna die if I dont follow the rules"

June held his waving hands and rubbed it a bit easing him.

"You are already dead"

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