skinnyghosttears

[skinnyghosttears]

30 May 2022

Hello everyone. Idk who will see this post, I just want to share a couple of stuff that happened in the last months. I gained back all my weight, I started to eat a lot because my hair condition was so bad and it caused me so much stress. Im not happy I went back to the start but I finally understood how damaging and wrong was my attitude towards food and myself. Im trying to learn how to really love myself and its ok that I want to lose weight and be able to wear the clothes I love and feel more confident, but I need to reach this goal taking care of my body, not destroying it.

I really with to everyone here to realise that you all are worth of love and it have nothing to do with the number on the scale. Idk if I'll write here again, Im trying to not focus too much on my weightloss journey, I eat enough and exercise and its going fine, even if I'll need another year for reach my ultimate goal. Im scared to fall back into the bad habits, so for now its better for me to not be here too much.

I wish you all to reach your goals and most importantly to feel happy and loved 💖

[skinnyghosttears]

June 15, 2021

2:06 am

Hello, its me.

I stopped to do the daily logs since I didnt track calories in the past days and I didint exercise at all.

My doctor said the hairloss is caused by my metabolism so im gonna try to eat better. I honestly dont even have the energy for write here since I juat feel like a failure and I have really bad thoughts. I hope to feel better soon, for now I will stop writing here since even opening tumblr give me anxiety.

Love y'all, stay safe.

[skinnyghosttears]

June 9, 2021

4:59 pm

Mom decided to go to shopping next week instead of tomorrow, Im a little bit relieved because this mornjng I lost over a half kg since yesterday bus Im still over 60 and y'know, if I do good next week I'll be better for sure, but Im also sad because I really wanted to go... I ate more after lunch so I will walk a little later... im still in deficit obv but Im scared... idk maybe I'll change idea since I dont have to try clothes tomorrow.

9:12 pm

I lost so many hair again. Like, too many. Im so scared. I dont want to think about this all the time but I legit cant touch them because Im scared. And mom changed plan again so we'll go to shopping tomorrow and she said it only after I ate for calm my depressed ass.

I legit dont know what to do or how to feel. Its like everything lost sense to my eyes.

#ana #thinspiration #thinspo #thin #skinny #ed #eating disorder #eating problems #eating diary

[skinnyghosttears]

June 8, 2021

12:08 pm

60,95kg this morning. I lost half of a kg from yesterday so ai decided to have some milk with the coffee this morning, and some low cal biscuits. I have to go to do my drive lesson today and idk why Im exited to do it, but I think its a good thing lmao. The plan for today is of 807kcal, and I will not exercise because my body is in pain. I dont think I'll be able to see the 59 on the scale before I'll go to shopping but at least I know irs not real weight that I gained back because I can fit in the skirt I bought when I was 59,35kg lmao.

8:55 pm

I baked brownies for the family so I ended eating more, Im gonna walk until bedtime.

11:45 pm

I feel so tired. And anxious. I just want to feel better. At least I did good today.

#ana #thinspiration #thinspo #thin #skinny #ed #eating disorder #eating problems #eating diary

[skinnyghosttears]

Remember to take your vitamins, expecially if you are not taking them through food. I started to have a severe hairloss because of my ed and I questioned all I have done until this point. Im now trying to eat at least 800 (which is still not healthy but Im working on it), a lot of different and healthy foods, and taking my vitamins everyday. Hairloss and a dry skin (even of you dronk a lot of water) are visible signals but your body is struggling too on the inside, so please, take care of it.

I know the feeling of "if I eat more than this or I eat that type of food then Im faking my eating disorder" but trust me, the eating disorder its not determined by what or how much you eat, but by the struggling you have inside of your head. Plus, your have to realise your ed its not the thing that define you. You are more than that. So please take care of yourself, dont overexercise, try to eat more, to fix your metabolism before you permanently damage yourself.

Its hard, I know, but its really important and you will understand how important this is in the future.

[skinnyghosttears]

June 7, 2021

10:53 am

Woke up an hour ago, I walked a little and Im gonna clean my room now. Idk why I weight 61,4 this morning, I mean yeah I ate a lot on saturday but...

I honwstly want to cry because Im stuck in a binge cycle and my body is acting like Im not eating.

Idk what to do.

11:47 pm

Ate a little bit more (the cake was still around so I took a bite of it) but I burned some cals walking and I feel hungry-ish?

Proud that I didnt binged :')

#ana #thinspiration #thinspo #thin #skinny #ed #eating disorder #eating diary #eating problems

[skinnyghosttears]

Remember to take your vitamins, expecially if you are not taking them through food. I started to have a severe hairloss because of my ed and I questioned all I have done until this point. Im now trying to eat at least 800 (which is still not healthy but Im working on it), a lot of different and healthy foods, and taking my vitamins everyday. Hairloss and a dry skin (even of you dronk a lot of water) are visible signals but your body is struggling too on the inside, so please, take care of it.

I know the feeling of "if I eat more than this or I eat that type of food then Im faking my eating disorder" but trust me, the eating disorder its not determined by what or how much you eat, but by the struggling you have inside of your head. Plus, your have to realise your ed its not the thing that define you. You are more than that. So please take care of yourself, dont overexercise, try to eat more, to fix your metabolism before you permanently damage yourself.

Its hard, I know, but its really important and you will understand how important this is in the future.

[skinnyghosttears]

June 6, 2021

10:40 am

I forgot to write yesterday, I only remembered it late in the night and I was drunk so...

I messed up yesterday, today I'll eat not so much because I feel so full. My parents will be back later than dinner so I can really eat what I want.

6:02 pm

Did good for now, im around 800/900 counting dinner too, im not sure since I baked some sweet things and I had to try them for understand how cooked those were. I did 10k steps for now, I can walk for another hour before I'll walk the dogs, and since idk when my parents will come back I can continue until they arrive. I plannes to eat less than this today but I felt so bad for my hair so I ended up eating like this. Im strangely not so bloated, so I hope I will not fuck up in the next 3 days since I want to look good when I'll go to shopping.

11:19 pm

I managed to not eat a single thing out of my plan and Im so proud, my parents came back home with cake, I was so tempted...

I also rescheduled my appointment with the therapist, I feel so bad these days and I feel bad talking with her too so ye...

Im gonna try a face mask that my friend gifted me before bed, I did over 26k steps today (I wanted to reach 30k but my parents are here now so nvm, Im also tired so I think I can just rest now.

Goodnight everyone, pls remember to take care of yourself even if its really hard and scary to do.

#ana #thinspiration #thinspo #thin #skinny #ed #eating disorder #eating diary #eating problems

[skinnyghosttears]

June 4, 2021

8:47 am

I feel so tired, idk how much I slept but my stupid dog keep barking like all the fucking mornings and I just have one of the biggest headache I ever had because of it.

Idk why I had the idea of weight myself and Im so pissed rn because it was not necessary this morning and I did it anyway ruining the mood of the whole day.

10:51 am

Walked for an hour, time to shower. I'll be right back crying about hairloss ✨

11:32 pm

Ate out of control because Im sad so ye, at least I tried my skirt again ant it fittes cool so maybe I will wear it tomorrow when my bf will come here. I did over 30.000 steps today, plus other stuff, I feel tired so oleven if I fucked up I feel better than yesterday.

#ana #thinspiration #thinspo #thin #skinny #ed #eating disorder #eating diary #eating problems

[skinnyghosttears]

June 3, 2021

9:04 pm

Walked the dogs, the weather is starting to get really hot and I honestly cant take it.

I have to probably go out again so I'll exercise in the afternoon and not now. I feel bigger today so I will not use the scale. Im feeling really miserable.

12:08 pm

Feeling a little better, Im walking and I managed to not binge even if I was soooo close.

4:56 pm

Ate a little more but I walked a lot, and in an hour I'll be back home and I can use the cyclette. Same after dinner. So its ok. Damn its so hard to stay on track.

Mom said we will go to shopping a day before the one we previously planned, so Im a little nervous but I still have a week so I can do it.

9:15 pm

Aaand I fucked up. Ate around 2000kcal. Idk how many I burned walking. Im on the cyclette but I cant use it for hours. Im gonna walk more when everyone is asleep. Tomorrow I'll try to skip dinner since Im alone with my brother. I feel so sad.

#ana #thinspiration #thinspo #thon #skinny #ed #eating disorder #eating diary #eating problems

[skinnyghosttears]

Remember to take your vitamins, expecially if you are not taking them through food. I started to have a severe hairloss because of my ed and I questioned all I have done until this point. Im now trying to eat at least 800 (which is still not healthy but Im working on it), a lot of different and healthy foods, and taking my vitamins everyday. Hairloss and a dry skin (even of you dronk a lot of water) are visible signals but your body is struggling too on the inside, so please, take care of it.

I know the feeling of "if I eat more than this or I eat that type of food then Im faking my eating disorder" but trust me, the eating disorder its not determined by what or how much you eat, but by the struggling you have inside of your head. Plus, your have to realise your ed its not the thing that define you. You are more than that. So please take care of yourself, dont overexercise, try to eat more, to fix your metabolism before you permanently damage yourself.

Its hard, I know, but its really important and you will understand how important this is in the future.

[skinnyghosttears]

June 2, 2021

1:17 pm

Im starting the log just now because I had a lot to do in the morning and I woke up later than I expected.

I prepared the sweet things, I ate some chocolate that I was not able to calculate but I added it to the count, probably exaggerating but its ok. I dropped back to 60,15 this mornkng, yesterday I was 60,75 so unless I start to eat wothout control I can do this. I will maybe use the cyclette in the afternoon.

2:54 pm

Ok Im lost woth the counting rn but Im on the cyclette and I will eat only spinach or peas for dinner, I know Im still in deficit so Im trying to not freak out. I will eat nothing until dinner, and If I really crave skmethkng I have diet coke ready for that. Im proud of myself, its hard to get back on track but the fear of judgement of my best friend (which doesnt exist since she weight more than me) and me wanting to be under 59kg for go to shopping next week are working well for motivation. Now I want to burn at least 500kcal on the cyclette.

6:36 pm

Burned 600kcal and walked idk how much honestly (I turned off the step counter for no reason), Im pretty cool for now since I ate a little bit over 1000 but burned over 600. Its a lot but its a festive day and yeah, I tried to eat the same stuff as the family.

9:39 pm

Ate more, so Im waiting for my phone battery to recharge enough so I can stay on the cyclette for a while. Maybe tomorrow I will exercise more but it should be fine since I have no things to do in the morning exept for try and book my vaccine.

Im kinda...idk, sad? Bothered? Idk.

11:04 pm

I booked my first dose of vaccine and Im happy of this even if I have to wait july...

Im now waiting to be the only one awake so I can walk, I burned a total of 860kcal on the cyclette, plus idk how mich walking but still, I feel the need to do this.

Its fine tho, I feel way better than the last days.

#ana #thinspiration #thinspo #thin #skinny #ed #eating disorder #eating problems #eating diary

[skinnyghosttears]

Remember to take your vitamins, expecially if you are not taking them through food. I started to have a severe hairloss because of my ed and I questioned all I have done until this point. Im now trying to eat at least 800 (which is still not healthy but Im working on it), a lot of different and healthy foods, and taking my vitamins everyday. Hairloss and a dry skin (even of you dronk a lot of water) are visible signals but your body is struggling too on the inside, so please, take care of it.

I know the feeling of "if I eat more than this or I eat that type of food then Im faking my eating disorder" but trust me, the eating disorder its not determined by what or how much you eat, but by the struggling you have inside of your head. Plus, your have to realise your ed its not the thing that define you. You are more than that. So please take care of yourself, dont overexercise, try to eat more, to fix your metabolism before you permanently damage yourself.

Its hard, I know, but its really important and you will understand how important this is in the future.

#ana #mia #thinspiration #thinspo #thin #skinny #ed #eating disorder #eating problems #eating diary #weightloss #meanspo #sweetspo

[skinnyghosttears]

June 1, 2021

9:46 am

Idk why today I feel like I can weight myself but I already know the number would be awful so Im still laying in the bed trying to decide what to do. Im happy that I feel confident again, im almost not bloated anymore so I really hope I'll be back to my lower weight soon.

I still dont have a plan for today, just the snack for the afternoon. I have to go out so I'll be able to dont eat it right after lunch.

Ermh, 60,7kg, better than how I thought.

Im gonna walk.

1:17 pm

Walked for over one hour, and just finished my lunch. I ate a banana now instead of after dinner since I was craving it so much but im fine now so I should be ok until my snack.

9:39 pm

I stayed out all the afternoon, I ate a little more because after dinner I tried a little sweet thjng because tomorrow is a feative day here so I had to try how cook it for do it good tomorrow, idk how many calories it was but I walked enough today, its fine. I feel like Im close to binge but I hope the water will be enough for stop me.

11:16 pm

Managed to not binge. Im really proud.

I cant plan tomorrow really well rn, but I'll have time in the morning so I should be fine. I checked my phone and I walked more that I expected so I feel less guilty for the thing I had after dinner.

#ana #thinspiration #thinspo #thin #skinny #ed #eating disorder #eating diary #eating problems #weightloss

[skinnyghosttears]

May 31, 2021

9:35 am

Woke up not so long ago from a nightmare. I feel really sleepy and tired, and Im kinda hungry? Idk. But its ok. I want to exercise only after dinner, so today I'll just walk.

I feel less big that yesterday, and I actually dont know what to add to todays plan for reach like 800 without binging. Maybe more fruit. I dont want to exagerate with exercise again because its not helful, expecially if I eat way less. And also, I dont want to completely fuck up my body. So exercise is ok but If I eat 500 I dont have to burn 1000.

Now Im gonna go in the kitchen and have some water.

3:06 pm

Did good this morning, I walked for something like one hour and I already ate the lunch and snack I planned but its fine, I have a monster in the fridge and I can eat some pickles if I want. The dinner will be good because I'll eat chicken and peas, plus I'll walk again soon (Im trying to take some vitamin D in the garden lmao) so today should end in a good way. I maybe have to plan next days later, this saturday my best friend will come here for dinner so I need to be in a good shape and I'll probably skip lunch if I'll not be able to prepare my single pizza.

10:34 pm

Ok Im back on track. Today I did good, I ate exactly what I planned, I dont crave stuff rn so Im safe! I avoided to use the cyclette but I ate around 800kcal and burned almost 150kcal walking, I think its ok.

Time to plan tomorrow, I decided with mom we'll go to shopping on the 11th, so I have 10 days to go under 59kg. I really feel motivated.

#ana #thinspiration #thinspo #thin #skinny #ed #eating disorder #eating diary #eating problems

[skinnyghosttears]

May 30, 2021

10:20 pm

Just woke up, Im not reazy for this damn lunch, my grand aunt will be here and I cant stand her for soooo many reasons that destroyed our relationship in the past years, so I feel so ready to start a fight for the tiniest comment she will do. On the other hand, its only for lunch so I have to stay calm :)))))

11:50 pm

I ended up eating at dinner too, but Im ok with it. Time to go back to normal. For tomorrow I have planned less than 500kcal but I want to add more, I just dont know what so I'll decide in the morning. I still have some yogurt and blueberries, there are apples, I have some options for a healthy snack in the afternoon too. I have to avoid bad stuff.

I also want to avoid the scale unless i'll feel better, so for sure until the next weekend. I'll probably go yo shopping a little the week after this, and I want to feel comfy for that.

Also Im sorry if my logs are being messy, i made this space just for me but Im sorry if seeing me logging less or always saying I fucked up bothered those ppl that always read and leave a heart.

Goodnight 💖

#ana #thinspiration #thinspo #thin #skinny #ed #eating disorder #eating problems #eating diary

[skinnyghosttears]

May 29, 2021

11:55 pm

My mental health got so bad so I just got stuked in a cycle of "dont eat" -> "Im losing all my hair" -> "ok I have to eat more" -> "BINGE" and repeat so ye, tomorrow I have a big family lunch and ai baked a cool cake for ot, so Im gonna have breakfast maybe, then eat lunch normally, and then try to fast until monday since I want to get back on track. After the fast, Im gonna have AT LEAST 800/900kcal everyday, and exercise. If I dont want to do a full workout, then a walk is fine. I have to take my vitamins, and stay in the sun at least 10/15 everyday. If this first week will go fine, I can have a "cheat day", that consist in just eat more, not binge.

Next weekend I'll be home alone with brother so I can choose what to eat wothout worry about parents comments. But I have to eat. I want to lose these last kgs in an healty way, I dont want to ruin myself forever. If I just go bald whats the point in being skinny?

Also, I'll probably go soon to a big store with mom and maybe grandma so I want to be in the right shape. And for that, I have to stick to the mf plan.

Thats it. Goodnight.

#ana #thinspirations #thinspo #thin #skinny #d #eating disorder #eating problems