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Angel - Paige bueckers
part 3
• summary {when an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}
• warnings {drug use, angst}
• comment if you would like to be added to the taglist
bella’s pov
“ok you can go now” she says, emotionless
“oh”
“i mean, no offence but i have a girl coming soon, so you cant be here” she says laying on her back, breaking our eye contact
i don’t respond and put my clothes back on. this is fucked
“have a nice night”
i haven’t cried this much in months, walking through the halls, ugly crying.
‘paige’ has been blocked by ‘bella’
“bella whats wrong” avery says, empathetically
“i hate her, i hate her so much” i cry, barley being able to choke the words out
i look at avery after my response and i have never seen her that angry, there could fully be steam coming from her ears.
“please dont talk to her, please dont hurt her, please avery, please” i cry out, begging the infuriated girl
“why not bella, she deserves it” she yells
my tears dont stop and i feel like they will never stop pouring.
“tell me what she did”
i begin the tell her the events of tonight and her anger only grows.
“that fucking bitch” is all she can say in response
“but i blocked her, and im literally never gonna speak to her again” i say, trying to make a positive point, to counteract this negative situation
“you are never gonna speak to her again”
“im gonna go off to bed”
i feel broken, i got used. i wanted my first time with a girl to be meaningful, i know i like girls and i wanted to prove to myself that having sex with girls wasn’t wrong, but i feel wrong, i feel gross. i cant believe i would let myself be that vulnerable with someone i barley know. ive never been the one to have one night stands and ive only ever had sex with someone ive been in a relationship with.
i take my valium, something i swore to never use again after getting addicted, but its the only thing that works.
“hey, how are you feeling” avery ask’s, genuinely. i’ve never seen her be this gentle before
“wheres my weed”
“bella no”
“shut up avery”
i walk to the kitchen and unlock one of the drawers, and i see the stash. thank god
i know i shouldn’t smoke as a coping mechanism, but its the only thing that works, every time something bad happens to me, i turn to smoking
after going through 3 joints, im barley able to talk or stand up. perfect
knock
ugh
knock
fuck off
knock
“who is it” i say, it barley even sounded like words
“its azzi, is avery here”
who the fuck is azzi
“avery theres a bitch here for you” i say taking another drag
“oh my god! hey azzi” avery says, excitedly, why the fuck is she acting like that
“why are you so fucking happy” i ask, knowing full well how rude i sound
“this is azzi, shes in my psychology class and we have gotten pretty close” avery says, grabbing azzi and sitting next to me on the couch
“yo dont sit on my shit” i say, mad
“your bella right?” azzi says, happily. i hate happy people
“yeah”
“yeah avery’s told me alot about you” she says
“cool” i reply, dryly
“azzis on the basketball team” avery says, my eyes widen
“of course she is” i say, sarcastically. i hate basketball
“yeah, have you been to any games” she questioned, attempting to continue this boring conversation
“nah, i dont watch basketball”
“oh well you should sometime, avery keeps saying how she wants to go to a game” azzi says, looking at avery who begins giggling. sus
“bella your probably friends with some people on the team” avery says
“you wanna hit” i offer to azzi
“nah, i dont smoke”
“boring” i say, bluntly
“do you guys mind if some of my friends come over” azzi says
“no, no, thats perfectly fine” avery says, looking at azzi. basically eye fucking her
“who” i ask
“ice, kk, aubrey, nika and ashlee” she lists
fuck my life. im to high to care
“yeah whatever” i say, lazily
“ok perfect, ill tell them to come” azzi says, excitedly
“are you sure” avery whispers to me, being nice. for once
“i dont give a fuck, its fine” i say taking a drag
im so high. god damn
10 minutes later all of azzis friends turn up, why are they all so tall. what the fuck
avery introduces herself to them and points them to our couch
“hey im kk, your bella right” kk asks
“yeah im bella”
“hey im ice”
“hey im nika”
“hey im ashlee”
“hey im aubrey”
to many people to remember
until
“oh paige came to, i hope you dont mind” azzi says to us, mostly avery
avery says nothing, myself included
“hi paige” avery says, extremely cold
“come sit guys” azzi says, breaking the silence. i wish i wasn’t so high cause i wanna go to my room
everyone sits on the couch, paige sitting the furthest away from me. funny. not funny. not laughing
conversation begins and everyone is involved. everyone but me, ugh i’m so uncomfortable
paige keeps looking at me, and yes i’m noticing because i’m looking at her to.
paige’s pov
fuck. why do i keep looking at her.
she blocked me last night so obviously shes mad about my actions last night, its just a hookup, nothing more.
its not that deep
“i’m going to bed” bella says, slurring and barely able to stand up. i didn’t know she smoked that much, i guess i don’t know anything about her. but i don’t care.
“paige are you ready to go” kk and ice say to me
“yeah, aubrey, nika, azzi, u ready to go”
“yeah lets go”
“actually im gonna stay” azzi says. sus
“buy guys” is said in unison
azzis pov
“ugh finally” avery says, while smashing her lips onto mine
A/N: im being active rn lolll. how do we like avery and azzi
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kids on christmas eve | gojo satoru x reader
available on wattpad
cover by me
summary: you learn about what happened with geto suguru and make him talk to you about it
about reader: gender neutral, relationship to gojo is unclear but they're close, on a first name basis + implied to be romantic
warnings: sad (if i did my job right), mild cursing, spoilers for jjk 0 + gojo's past/hidden inventory/star plasma vessel arc
notes: i know this is really out of season bc christmas has long passed but its for the plot lol as u prob know dec 24th is an important date
anyways i prob could've edited more but tbh i just wanted to post it already lmao hope its not cringe cuz i didn't shower to finish it (avg jjk degenerate) also im angry this was correctly formatted in google docs but tumblr ruined it and i cant b bothered to reread it under the new formatting so srry if theres smth wrong
"Gojo-sensei, that's not fair!"
Itadori had his bottom lip stuck out, his arms crossed tightly and his feet stomping against the snow.
"Yeah, come on!" Kugisaki agreed, mitten-clad hands full of the cold ammunition. "Turn it off, will you?"
You looked over to where Satoru stood. The snowballs that floated around him made it a little hard to see, but you could still tell his face was like it always was: smiling, the only deviation from its usual state being the pink on his pale nose. The rosy shade was just like his tongue when he stuck it out.
"Come and make me," he taunted.
"Why, you little..." Kugisaki grumbled. "Okay, Itadori, Formation B!"
"Roger!" Itadori yelled back.
The pair performed a number of flashy poses--as if they were trying to imitate something they'd seen in a cartoon--and before you knew it, they were charging at Satoru from two sides, arms fully loaded and wound back with mounds of snow. But it seemed Satoru knew it before you, because he just tsked--didn't even bother catching the snowballs, just let them fall apart against his forcefield.
"Gojo-sensei!" the two groaned in unison.
"You're no fun!" Itadori complained.
"It's not supposed to be fun," Satoru countered with a playful shrug. "Just because it's a snow day doesn't mean you can stop training."
"But... but... But what about...!" Kugisaki sputtered, a vein popping out of her forehead as she struggled to come up with an argument. You could almost see the lightbulb pop up above her head as she pounded her fist in her palm. "But what about global warming?"
"Yeah!" Itadori followed, not thinking. "What about--Wait, what?" Scratching his head, he tilted his head at Kugisaki.
"It could totally be the last day it ever snows, you know," she claimed matter-of-factly, her hands on her hips. "And I would so hate you forever."
Itadori's mouth formed a silent "Oh!" as Kugisaki elaborated. Nodding his head in accord, he added on: "Yeah, Gojo-sensei. I don't think I could respect you after that."
Satoru put on a dramatic pout at that last sentence, but he soon returned to a smile and gave in with a sigh. "Alright, just this once."
You could see the two students loudly jumping for joy from behind him as he made his way towards where you were sitting. You smiled warmly at the sight.
"They really are something," you commented.
"Tell me about it," Fushiguro grumbled, leaning boredly against the wooden armrest of the park bench. He observed quietly as his friends built a snowman in the distance until Satoru's towering shadow prompted him to look up.
"Megumi!" Satoru called, his voice high-pitched and sing-song. "Go play with the others."
The boy scowled in response. "I'm too old for that stuff."
"You think you're old?" Satoru challenged. He pointed at his hair, at the white color it's always been. "What does that make me?" He hunched over and put his hand on his lower spine, feigning back pain. "C'mon, listen to your teacher. Let me sit next to Y/N."
Fushiguro squinted at him for a moment before finally getting up."Gross."
You chuckled, watching the boy begrudgingly drag his feet through the snow towards his classmates, but your laughter hitched as you felt something push against you. Turning to your right, you saw his lanky teacher. At first the sensation didn’t make sense, considering that there was a considerable amount of distance between the two of you, but you soon recalled his defense measures and the complaints they had garnered.
Not noticing your discomfort, he stared up at the cloudy sky for a moment before turning to you.
"Are you cold?" he asked.
You shook your head. "I should be asking you," you replied, referencing his lack of winter wear. "Why didn't you wear a coat?"
"Well, it would ruin my outfit, of course," he stated perkily. He wore a confident smirk on his face, but looking closer you could tell he was shivering beneath the thin fabric of his uniform.
Taking a deep breath in disapproval, you reached for your scarf. "Here," you offered, unraveling the knot you’d made earlier. But when you reached to wrap it around his neck, you felt the resistance of his invisible force.
His smile eased. "It's okay," he obliged, sniffling. "Thank you, though."
You hesitated before tying your scarf back around yourself, the garment's chunky knit giving it enough volume to nearly cover your mouth and even your ears, but you could still hear his teeth chatter. You searched your surroundings, looking past the dead snow-adorned trees and following the wet pavement until you spotted something in the distance: a cafe, just down the street from where you were.
"I'll get you some hot chocolate," you decided, standing up and brushing the snowflakes off your coat.
"You don't--"
"Shh!" You pointed your finger threateningly at him before turning around to begin your walk. "Somehow you've bent logic so far that you'll end up sick if you don't drink it. So just take this as an excuse to have more sweets, alright?"
You were just about to make your first step away from the bench, but then you felt a firm grip wrap around your arm. "Wait, Y/N--"
Before he could finish his protest, he was cut off by a particularly firmly packed snowball striking him right in the middle of his face, highlighting his nose with the sparkling white powder and dislodging his blindfold. With his cerulean eyes now exposed, he turned his head and saw the three of them: Itadori pointing and cackling on the left, Kugisaki doing the same keeled over in the middle, and even Fushiguro, on the right, had the ends of his mouth perked up as he shook his head hopelessly.
You saw Satoru grin at the picture, but it was contradictory to what you were feeling. He had let go of your arm, but not by relaxing his hand--you felt him, as if brick by brick, build that invisible wall right back up between you, seemingly stronger than ever. You could still feel it, even as he walked away towards the trio, tying his blindfold back on. Sighing, you sat back down and watched him make snow angels with the others, his head blending right in with the scene as he drowned himself in the blinding whiteness. With his blindfold now fully on, you could only imagine what it was like when he smiled with his eyes.
***
"I can't feel my toes."
Twirling her brown hair between her fingers, Shoko spun around in her chair to face the doorway.
She darted her eyes between you and Satoru for a second before a calm, amused expression painted her face. Despite knowing it was his voice she heard--though it was more nasal than usual--she directed her question at you: "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"I told him to wear thicker socks!" you exclaimed, your arms crossed in frustration. "But look! Show her."
Rolling his eyes behind his blindfold, Satoru pulled the fabric on his thighs, lifting the hems of his pants so that they revealed his ankles. They were barely covered by the cheap red and green striped polyester; it was the kind of thing you'd spot on sale in packs at the checkouts during Christmas season.
“So I forgot… Big deal!”
“I could fill a library with all the things you forgot,’” you complained. “I mean, what are you, a fish?”
Unfazed, Shoko chuckled. "You're telling me the strongest--the one powerful enough to rival the King of Curses--was defeated by a case of frostbite?"
The both of you responded simultaneously: "Exactly." "No!"
"I was not defeated," he insisted, earning a glare from you. "Barely a scratch. She's just being dramatic."
"I am not--"
"Is there a reason you can't heal yourself?" Shoko interrupted, now turned to Satoru.
He pointed his thumb in your direction accusingly. "She wanted to come here, not me."
"Wait," you interjected. "You can heal yourself?”
“Of course, duh.”
“Since when?"
"High school," he answered dismissively, wiping his nose with his sleeve. "See, look!"
He pointed down to his shoes--through the leather of his dress boots, you could see the movement of his wriggling toes.
You held your hands up to hide his feet from your sight. “Ew, stop that--" you grimaced. "Why didn't you tell me?"
He shrugged, smirking smugly. "My talent should go without saying."
You sighed. “Your talent to bewilder me?”
"You know it,” he asserted proudly. "But anyways–Can I go now?"
Before you could even answer, you could sense him already moving in your peripheral vision.
"Satoru, wait--"
"If you don't believe I'm fine, I'll show you my toes," he threatened, halfway out the door.
"Satoru--!"
"Go on, catch me if you can!"
You listened, trying to grab onto him but, once again, his Infinity blocked you, making you stumble into Shoko's arms as it pushed you backwards. By the time you regained your balance and rushed into the hallway, his long strides and newly healed feet had already carried him beyond your sight.
You sighed and re-entered the room, brushing yourself off. "Do you have anything for a cold?" you asked.
"I should," Shoko replied, opening up one of her medicine cabinets. "Why, are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah, no, it's for him," you explained. "He's had a runny nose all week. I told him not to go out in the snow with the kids, but... You know how he is."
She hummed in acknowledgement with an understated smile, picking out a bottle of Acetaminophen capsules. Making her way over to you, she held up the container.
"I have these," she told you, but she didn't hand them to you; she just kept holding it up as she continued, "but, in my professional opinion, I don't think he has a cold."
"What do you mean?" you asked, your brow raised.
"Y/N, do you know what tomorrow is?"
"It's... the 24th."
"Mhm."
"So... Christmas Eve?"
She looked down at the floor, placing the bottle on a nearby counter and leaning back against it, getting comfortable. She stayed quiet for a moment, biting her lip in deep thought as she continued to stare at the floor with her arms crossed. But then, finally, she sighed, and reached into her coat pocket for a cigarette.
"Would you like one?" she offered, flicking the lighter at the end of the stick
"Um... No thank you..."
"Have a seat." She gestured to the metal seat against the wall.
Still thoroughly confused, you did as you were told. You felt as if your parents were about to have a stern "talk" with you--as if you had broken a vase or--arguably worse--it was time for you to understand the birds and the bees. That thought, along with the cold steel beneath you, sent chills up your body.
In an attempt to quell your anxiety, you beat her to the punch and spoke up: "You went to high school together, didn't you?"
She blew out a lengthy tangle of smoke strings. "That's right," she answered.
You shifted in your seat. "Has he always been... like this?"
"No,” she chuckled, bringing the cigarette back to her lips. "He used to wear glasses."
Your eyebrows shot up as you leaned forward in shock. "Seriously?"
She reached into her coat pocket again, this time producing a small print of a photo.
You took the glossy sheet from her hands and studied it, your mouth agape. Sure enough, there he was, on Shoko's right, smiling widely with his hair down and a pair of round sunglasses, both of them holding up peace signs. But, while Shoko's arm was clearly holding up the camera for the selfie, one of Satoru’s arms appeared to be wrapped around the shoulders of a black-haired man you didn't recognize.
Your brows furrowed at the sight. "Who's the one on the left?"
The scent of the nicotine got stronger as she took her time to ponder her answer, staring blankly into the back of the photo beneath your thumbs.
"That's Geto Suguru,” she finally told you.
You scanned his portrait meticulously. The man wore a grumpy expression with dark bags under his eyes and, contrary to the cheerful pose of the other two, he was flipping off the camera.
“Was he an upperclassman?” you asked.
She shook her head. “He was our classmate.” She gestured towards the photo with her cigarette. “We were all second-years there.”
“No way…” Holding the photo closer, you could have sworn you saw the outline of ear gauges behind Shoko’s head. “He looks so much older.”
You returned the photo to her and she slipped it back in her pocket, not taking even a glance at it as she did. She just spoke plainly: “He’s Satoru’s best friend.”
You tilted your head to the side. “Really? I wonder why I haven’t heard of him, then."
She took another puff, turning her face away from you as she let it out. “Tomorrow is his death anniversary.”
Your eyes widened before falling to the floor. “Oh… I see…”
You fell into a solemn trance, not knowing what you should or shouldn’t say and, consequently, opting to stay quiet out of respect. But, suddenly, you were interrupted by the sound of light laughter.
“Even if he were still with us, I doubt you would’ve been able to tell. They bickered so much you’d think they hated each other.”
She walked around to the other side of the counter, leaning forward on it as she rested her hand on her palm.
“Who could get to class faster… Who could shoot more hoops in a minute… Who could make a bigger crater in the courtyard…”
You tried to imagine the pair wreaking havoc on an older version of the Jujutsu Tech Campus, but while it was easy to fit Satoru’s cheeky grin into all of these scenarios, it was hard to see such a mature-looking person as Geto doing these childish things.
“Ah, but you know, Y/N,” she started, looking up at you with a smile. “I think you would have been able to tell that Suguru was actually younger.”
“What?” you gasped, surprised at both the fact that he was younger and that Shoko thought that would be clear to you. “There’s no way…”
“Well, for starters, Suguru is shorter, if you put them side-by-side,” she argued. “And… Hm…”
She stopped to contemplate how to put together her next sentence–or if she should even do so at all. But in the end, she brought her cigarette back to her lips and exhaled: “I think you would have agreed with me that he’s the more immature one.”
Your brows furrowed as you scoffed in disbelief. “That's impossible… Satoru could be ten-feet tall and not a single thing on this planet could make him seem more mature than another person.”
She chuckled, though you could sense a sadness behind the sound, and you realized that your comment might’ve come off as insensitive. Clearing your throat, awkwardly, you granted her the floor: “What makes you say that?”
She took another inhale and sighed out a long cloud. Looking out the window of her office, she saw the faint glow of the multicolored lights that decorated it on the outside. She took in the sight for a quiet moment before sinking into her swivel chair, puffing once more.
“I still don’t know much about his childhood,” she began. “I never asked, and I never got to meet his parents. But I can tell you for certain that Suguru was the sort of kid who threw a tantrum when he didn’t get what he wanted for Christmas.
“I’m sure he had wishlists a mile long, but he wouldn’t be the kind to write even a single letter about it to Santa. Of course, that’d make it difficult for his family, and maybe they could've tried harder to figure it out–but he just wouldn't understand why what he wanted wasn't obvious to everyone.
“I can imagine one day someone told him the truth about Santa, and he was probably absolutely devastated. But, to him, it wouldn't be about the presents. It would be about the people around him: his mom, his dad, his teachers, his neighbors, everyone–the people who had been deceiving him his whole life.
“I don't think he ever forgave anyone for that, all the way up until he found himself as a seventeen-year-old at Jujutsu High.”
The air became thick–suffocatingly so–and your spine no longer fit right against the back of the bench.
“What exactly… did he do?”
She rolled her chair towards her desk and put out her cigarette, pushing and twisting it into the ashtray by her desk calendar.
“In a single night, he killed one hundred and twelve civilians–non-sorcerers–including his parents. He wanted to create a world where only sorcerers exist.”
“O-oh my God…” Your hand rose up to cover your gaping mouth. “Wh.. Why?!”
“By killing non-sorcerers, you stop curses from the source.”
“But you can't just–” You cut yourself off, thousands of words rushing and racing to your mouth. “Didn't anyone try to stop him?”
“Maybe Satoru could've. If Suguru decided to tell him, that is.”
Your face was wound up in concern. “That's horrible…”
“I know, right?” she casually agreed. “To want to be understood, but never willing to understand… Isn't it childish?” She even laughed. “Though, I suppose he was just a kid.”
“Just a kid?!” You stuck your head out in disbelief. “No, no… Satoru is childish. But that–that’s… inhumane!
You pointed to the door. “Satoru was a kid.”
You pointed to her. “You were a kid.”
Lowering your hand, you scrunched the hem of your shirt. “I might not have known you then, but I know you never would have done that.”
“To be fair, I'm not the strongest,” she defended plainly. “I'm just a doctor.”
The crease between your eyebrows deepened as you threw your arms up. “Okay–then Satoru! Satoru would never do something like that! And he… he's still a kid!”
“Satoru killed his best friend–his one and only.” She clasped her hands together on her desk. “A kid wouldn't do that, would they?”
You froze at the edge of your seat, blinking rapidly as you pieced together the puzzle.
“He… killed…?” you trailed off.
Shoko stared grimly at her hands as she tightened her grip on herself. “A kid wouldn’t have understood.”
You bore your eyes into her, waiting, begging for her to continue, to elaborate, to make it make sense, but she just stayed quiet, kept to herself.
You directed your eyes to the freshly polished floor tiles. As you stared into the blurry reflection of yourself, you tried imagining it again: Satoru, tall and white haired, and this kid grumpy little kid he called Suguru, wreaking havoc on the old campus of Jujutsu High: walking to class together, dribbling a basketball between each other, meeting up in the courtyard with one another.
“That…” you began hesitantly. “That still doesn't excuse what happened.”
Shoko looked up at you, for the first time in what felt like an eternity, and though she wasn’t as contented as she had been before your conversation, her expression was no longer grave; she seemed satisfied. Slowly, she put her palms on her desk and pushed herself up from her seat.
“To answer your question from earlier–properly,” she started, making her way over to you. “I think that Satoru has always been that way–the way Gojo Satoru has to be.”
“But if there were ever a time that he weren’t,” she interjected, sliding her hand into her coat pocket.
“It would have been thanks to him.”
***
Your footsteps echoed down the empty hallway, stopping every once in a while to slide open one of the stiff doors only to struggle to shut it a moment later. You increased the reach of your steps, and the thump of your shoes against the wood planks competed with the hooting owl perched on the snow covered roof.
Suddenly, you heard a new noise: a honking, like that of a goose, coming from the end of the hall and slightly to the left. Now picking up to a jog, you made a beeline for the door and jerked it open.
“Well, if it isn’t my long-awaited Christmas present!” he exclaimed. “Looks like Santa’s early this year.”
He rested against the corner of one of the student’s desks, already facing you with his hands in his pocket. From behind him, you could just barely see the white crumpled-up balls of tissue that scattered the surface.
“I guess some people do gifts on Christmas Eve though, right?” he considered, putting a finger to his chin. “But, ah… choosing gifts is so hard. I need all the time I can get.”
He didn’t acknowledge your entrance at all; his Six Eyes had seen it coming miles away, allowing him enough time to get into position to pick up wherever you’d last left off. You didn’t acknowledge him either, keeping a stone face as you stepped into the room.
“What’s with the face, hm? Did you not like your presents?”
“Satoru,” you said sternly.
“Did you ask Santa for anything this year?” he went on, continuing to pay you no mind.
You sighed. You couldn’t help but let the ends of your lips pick up, but you kept your eyes down at the dirtied pattern of the floor.
“I don’t celebrate Christmas,” you admit.
“What? Why not?” he questioned astonishedly, forming a pout. “Does that mean you didn’t get me a present?”
You shook your head lightly, making your way over to him. “I’ve always thought it was sort of weird. To celebrate the birth of a martyr.”
“Hm,” he sounded. “Well that’s no fun.”
Planting his hands on the surface, he hoisted himself up onto his desk. “Santa probably wouldn’t give anything other than coal to a non-believer,” he noted. “But since I’m so nice, I’ll get you something. Just tell me–what is it that you want for Christmas?”
His smile stayed in place as you darted your pupils around his visage, your own face beginning to fall. You took slow steps towards the desk next to him, getting as close as you could before you felt his Infinity push back
“Satoru, can you do me a favor?” you requested gently.
“Depends on what the favor is,” he chirped back.
Reaching your hand out, you traced your forefinger on the edge of the invisible barrier before applying pressure into it, testing the shield’s strength. You pushed with all your might, but all it did was whiten your finger tip and make your knuckles concave.
You retracted, looking back into his eyes. “Can you take it down?”
You could see the movement of his eyebrows raising beneath his blindfold. “You tryna kill me?”
Again, you shook your head, still solemn.
He crossed his arms and squinted at you, biting his cheek. Leaning back, he put his weight onto his hands behind him, loosely grabbing the edge of his desk, his expression becoming relaxed. “Alright. Here you go.”
You took another small step into the newfound space until you were only inches apart. Slowly, you extended both your hands towards his face, but then suddenly reeled them back into a hesitant fist in disbelief, the lack of resistance uncomfortably foreign.
You inhaled deeply through your nose and exhaled the air shakily through your mouth, trying hard to slow the rapid beating in your chest. Ignoring the smirk on his face, you tried to reach out to him, one final time.
Letting your arms wrap around his head, your hands searched his silky hair for the knot that held up his eye covering. When you finally felt the bump, you took your time digging your nails into where the fabric held onto itself, carefully pulling apart its loops.
As the blindfold fell to his neckline, his signature grin stayed plastered on his face, but just about every other feature of his seemed to change completely when the white wisps came down to frame them. His azure eyes, for example, glimmered under the faint moonlight coming through the window, but not in the way that they usually did. They were shining like lacquer, but it was as if, from underneath that, their batteries had been taken out. In their dullness, you could see the reflection of the long white lashes resting on the eyelids above, forming sharp, unnatural shapes as they clumped together unevenly. Pink waterlines painted the bottom of his irises, and a faint red was seemingly airbrushed around the surrounding puffy skin.
You trailed your hands down the back of his head until they cupped his jawline, holding his face as you explored its entirety. Moving from his eyes to his flushed, leaking nose, his smirk grew when your gaze landed on his lips.
“Are you sure you want to use your gift on this?” he teased. “Kind of a waste, in my opinion–you could’ve just found a mistletoe.”
“Satoru.”
“Hmm?”
“I want you to stop smiling.”
For a moment, he listened to you: his mouth fell open, but then it fell back into its previous position as he flashed his teeth at you. “My bad. I didn’t mean to blind you.”
“Please?”
He kept still while your thumb gently stroked his powder-smooth cheek. He jolted slightly as his lungs forced out a nervous chuckle, but he trailed off as your touch continued on him. Realizing your relentlessness, he sucked in his lips and clamped them together with his teeth as if he was trying to stop any further laughter.
He stayed like this for a moment, waiting for you to let go, but your tender movements showed no signs of stopping–you only slowed down when your eyes flitted up to meet his. He tried his best to return your stare, but eventually, he accepted defeat in the contest. And so, little by little, he let his lips roll out and the muscles to dispose into a resting state.
His voice became low, a near whisper. “Is… everything okay?”
Finally removing your hands from him, you nodded. Returning them to yourself, you glided one into the back pocket of your pants.
Taking a step back, you held up the sheet of glossy photo paper side-by-side with his face. You could name a number of differences: the neckline of the teacher’s uniform was looser and higher, his bangs now were longer and a bit thicker, and, of course, he wasn’t wearing glasses, and he wasn’t smiling. But, somehow, now more than ever, you could see the resemblance.
“What have you got there?”
Moving towards him again, you handed him the photo. It felt strange, witnessing the rare sight of his pupils’ every rapid move. And in addition to that, ever so slightly, you could see his swollen under eyes rise as the softest of smiles pushed up his cheeks. It was nothing like the sickeningly-sweet beamings you were used to seeing from him, though; it was subdued, raw like the cacao in dark chocolate, undiluted by sugar or milk.
“Where did you get this?” he asked, incredulous.
“Like you said, Santa came early,” you joked mildly.
“No, really,” he persisted, his tone reaching a bass you’d never heard from him before. “Where did you get this?”
You sat yourself on the desk next to him. “Shoko,” you admitted.
“What did she tell you?”
Your shrug was subtle. “As much as she could.”
He continued to scrutinize the photo in his hands, his brows drawing together.
“Satoru,” you proceeded, hushed. “If it’s okay… I’d like it if you told me about it.”
He lowered the photo so that it no longer obstructed his view of you, but he didn’t take advantage of the space he gave himself; he kept staring at the photo as he spoke: “There’s not much to tell about. I was the strongest then and I’m the strongest now.”
You rested your hands on your lap and exhaled deeply. “That’s not what I mean,” you contested.
It was as if he couldn’t hear you, continuing to stare vapidly into the photo as if somehow your sentence didn’t make it to his ears. But that was impossible; you’d said what you said, and the room was dead silent.
“I… I want you to tell me about him,” you clarified.
He shifted in his seat, finally looking away from the photo and up at you. “You mean… Geto Suguru?” he asked, as if there were any other ‘him’ in that photo.
“Well… he’s the worst of all curse users,” he offered. He then shoved the photo back in your direction, a sudden grin straining itself on his face. “But it’s okay. He’s gone now.”
Ignoring his move, you asked, “Is it really okay?”
“I made sure of it,” he affirmed, impatiently nudging the paper at you.
He resumed his usual playful lilt. “Are you doubting me?” he tested.
“I don’t doubt you for a second–not in that sense. You’ve always been strong,” you reassured him. “But that’s exactly why I doubt you know how to be weak.”
He scoffed. “You think Gojo Satoru would know how to be weak?”
“No, I don’t. That’s my whole point,” you upheld firmly.
He folded his arms across his chest, his mocking tone sharpening: “Why would anyone want to know how to be weak?”
“Because even Gojo Satoru needs to realize he can’t just smile and laugh all the time,” you challenged, feeling heat rise up your neck.
His eyes darkened, seemingly into a navy blue, and his inflection further condescended: “There are a lot of things you don’t understand.”
“Satoru, how on earth am I supposed to understand?!”
As your tone cut through, just as abruptly you pushed the desk behind you and dropped heavily to your feet.
“You’re right, I don't understand you,” you confessed frustratedly, pointing to yourself. “I don’t understand you at all. Because how could I possibly understand you? I can’t see your eyes, I can’t even get near you, and I’ve never seen you not smile.”
Your voice made gaps as your vocal cords threatened sobs. “And sure, I call you by your first name, and I laugh and I smile at all your dumb jokes and… and the idiotic games you play…
“But it’s–it’s… scary, Satoru. Creepy, even. How you know just about everything there is to know about me and yet… It's like I don’t even know who you are. You’re just a toy in the corner, watching everyone come in and out of the room, but I can never make you say or be or feel anything.”
“Feelings are what made him into who he was,” he stated coldly, his eyes fixed on the grimy floor. “It’s important for sorcerers to have a hold on their emotions.”
“So you know what happens, then,” you argued firmly, your shoes coming into his view as you stepped closer. “You know what it’s like to be shut out from them.”
You pushed his chin up, forcing him to witness the way you were holding on desperately to the tears that bordered your lower waterline.
“Doesn’t it hurt?”
“Do you always get Sprite?” he’d asked, looking down as his friend retrieved his drink from the bottom of the machine.
“I mean… yeah, I guess,” Suguru replied plainly. “Why?”
A pit formed in his stomach as he heard the crack of the can opening.
“Shit. I’ve been getting you Coke this whole time,” he’d mumbled. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Suguru shrugged, beginning to head in the direction of the classroom. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
“Dude, are you good?”
Suguru jolted awake, sitting up from the plush back of the couch and nearly spilling the bowl of popcorn in his lap.
“Do you wanna watch something else?” he’d suggested, but Suguru just shook his head.
“I thought you liked Digimon,” Suguru objected.
“Well yeah, but…”
The only lighting came from the flashing screen, but it was enough for him to see his friend yawn, making his eyes water, dark bags underneath them.
“You can turn it up if you want,” was all Suguru had to say, but even after doing what Suguru said, he couldn’t focus on his favorite TV show.
“I know you said you didn’t want anything,” he started, reaching into his bag. “But here.”
“What’s this?” Suguru questioned.
“Your Christmas present, duh.”
“But it’s Christmas Eve,” Suguru pointed out. “And I told you–”
“I know! But just open it.”
He watched as Suguru lifted the lid of the small gray box, revealing a small pair of white gauges.
“I didn’t really know what size to get… But I think they’d look cool on you.”
“Thanks, Satoru.”
He lit up, thinking that he’d finally done something right by his friend, but the way that Suguru looked up at him, the way Suguru smiled insincerely, told him he should’ve waited for Christmas Day.
The tears were warm as they rolled down his face, past his trembling lip and blooming into the blindfold that rested loosely around his neck.
“I just don't understand why he didn’t talk to me.”
You pulled him into a hug, carding your fingers in his hair as you rested his head on your shoulder.
“He thought I hated him,” he told you shakily, finding himself clutching onto your shirt. “I didn’t see him for ten years and… and that whole time he thought I hated him.”
He inhaled a sharp sniffle. “I… I don’t hate him,” he whimpered, his pitch jumping and his body beginning to tremble. “I don’t hate him, Y/N, I don’t, I don’t, I never, ever did.”
“I know,” you whispered, stroking his hair, holding him tighter as he jerked with sobs.
He placed his head on your shoulder, staring at the blindfold that had unraveled itself and fallen between you. “I hate myself.”
You pulled back, cupping his jawline and holding it in front of you.
“Don’t say that…”
“But he was my best friend, Y/N,” he insisted, gripping desperately onto your shoulders. “I saw him every single day… every single day, all of that was running through his head and I… I didn’t even know… I just watched and… and I made him think I hated him. I was supposed to be his best friend.”
“You did everything you could, Satoru.”
“It was all my fault.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Then why did it happen?” he whined. “It had to have been for a reason–It can't just hurt and be for no reason. That wouldn’t be fair.”
“It’s not,” you told him, shaking your head gently and looking deeply into his eyes. “It’s not fair at all.”
Indicating the breaking of a dam, a deafening, siren-like wail pierced the air. His face was red and scrunched up, his nose was dripping with snot, and his hands were coming up to swipe desperately at the tears on his cheeks.
You pulled him close to you again as he kept hiccuping and sniffling into the crook of your neck. His loud weeping wet your shirt with both the fluids from his eyes and nose, but you didn’t care; you just rubbed his back, caressing him tenderly.
His voice was suddenly clearer as he took deep breaths to try and recuperate himself: “I’m sorry,” he murmured.
“Why are you sorry?” you asked, stiffening your hold on him.
“I just… I don’t know. I hate crying. I’m not a kid anymore, you know?” he tried laughing.
“Satoru,” you whispered delicately, turning your head so your words rested right by his ear. “You were never a kid.”
Gently, you pressed his head into you, stopping him from moving his lips in any way. “I want you to be one right now.”
You let him stay in your arms for a while until his tears subsided and his breathing steadied. You had moved to the floor at some point, allowing him to comfortably lean on you as you embraced him, his previous quivering replaced now by the calm rhythm of his rising and falling figure.
He hadn’t talked in a while, so you assumed he’d fallen asleep, but then, among his mellow breathing, a mumble came up right by your ear:
“Thank you,” he’d said.
Hugging him tighter, you patted him on the back softly. “Of course.”
As one hand traveled to intertwine its fingers in his hair, you reached for your phone with your other one.
You pressed the power button on its side, and flinched backward, squinting at the brightness your phone screen emitted. Despite your sudden movement, Satoru didn’t show any sort of reaction; he’d fallen asleep, for sure now.
You continued to comb through his white locks, a little more consciously now, as you made note of the time and date your phone’s clock displayed, changing right before your eyes:
December 25th, 00:00
You smiled, dragging your coat up to cover the both of you as you laid your head on his shoulder.
“Merry Christmas, Satoru.”
***
might do a toji x megumi's teacher reader if u wanna follow
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