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#how do i balance the chaos in my brain

pinkdaisies9285 · 4 months

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hey @sorchathered you know how i said i would never start another story while i was writing something else............................well i have finally have another WIP in progress

#what have i become #i didnt mean for this to happen #how do i balance the chaos in my brain #help

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voonroo · 4 months

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Hell?

⌐‣Hazbin Hotel x teen reader (platonic)

Want more? Check out the masterlist↩︎

Hot.

Why the fuck is it so hot.

Damn.

Everything hurts.

I don't want to open my eyes…

You were met with the sounds of screeching tires, crackling fire, yelling, and many other chaotic noises. It was as if the world was falling apart at the seams.

Opening your eyes, you quickly notice that you could hardly see. This place you are in is so different from what you knew. Wait- what did you know?

Standing up and almost stumbling, you felt as if everything you had ever known was slipping from your fingers. From your brain. What was my name again?

God, everything’s blurry.

Why is it so loud?

My heart is beating. Very loud, loud.

I don't like how loud it is…

Your breathing was uneven, and the stress began to show on your face. You looked down at the clothes you were wearing. What?

You were wearing basic black and red plaid pajama pants. A black tank top with wide arm holes that reached almost down the whole shirt length. You could feel your undergarments touching your body under your clothes.

I don't like this.

Something about these clothes makes me feel insanely claustrophobic.

I need to change.

God, I can't see shit in front of me.

You began to stumble around. You felt so on balance but so off balance at the same time. It was fucking nauseating

You couldn't see for shit but you could hear everything going on around you. All the different noises clashing with each other to the point of being unable to distinguish the direction they're coming from.

You're frozen in place when you hear a voice call out to you in the chaos.

“Damn kid- you alright?”

The voice sounded like a man… but it was so hard to tell with everything around you. There were screams.

“Kid.” The voice sounded a lot closer.

Your eyes darted in front of you, wandering aimlessly in hopes of being able to clearly see who was talking to you.

“Wha—” You felt short of breath. “Who?” Your breathing and the sound of your thundering heart made it so hard to focus on what was happening around you.

“You ain't lookin’ too hot kid. You just roll in?” The voice sounded both worried and not at the same time, but then again it's not like you could really care. You were a bit more focused on trying to not have a meltdown if things didn't start clearing up.

“What? What do you mean?”

There was a beat of silence from the man.

“I mean are you new here? In hell?”

Hell?

“What do you mean hell?”

“Damn, kid! Are you blind? Look around and tell me this doesn't look like hell!”

Knowing you wouldn't be able to see, you swiveled your head around in hopes that, maybe, you'd be able to see clearly for the first time in what felt like forever, even if it's only been a few minutes. But to no one's surprise, you couldn't. Everything was still blurry. You could feel your anxiety spike.

“I can't see.” Your voice wobbled with uncertainty.

“Oh, so you are blind…” The voice sounded quiet now. There was silence from the man and from you as well. Hopefully staring at the man, you spoke in his direction. Your voice growing shaky due to stress.

“I can't see shit, what I can hear is so loud that I can't distinguish shit, my back hurts like shit, and apparently, I'm in hell!” You let out in a small outburst.

This situation is so… so entirely frustrating.

I still want to- no I need to change into something.

I feel so itchy in these clothes.

Subconsciously, you scratched at your arms, only to recoil in shock when you felt fur. Not skin. Fur. That must have been the final nail in the coffin for your nerves.

The poor voice (hopefully) in front of you, was not prepared for the following,

You, letting out a high-pitched animal-like shriek.

You, frantically looking around even if you couldn't see.

And lastly, you were fainting.

The voice felt so bad for what had just happened in front of him, even if he didn't contribute much to your shock, seeing someone as young-looking as you in hell and then passing out on the side of the streets. He did the only thing he could think of.

He brought back you to the hotel.

The only place he thought was safe enough for a kid to be in hell.

Word Count: 755

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fics-a-plenty · 9 months

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Hurtful Words and Bear Hugs

Astarion x gn!reader x Halsin

Word Count: 1,411

TW: Spoilers for Astarion's story in Act 3, mentions Astarion's victims, reader crying

Hi! It's been awhile!

This game literally has me in a choke hold. I am so weak for these two men. I love that you can have a little romance between the three of you. 🥰

As always, I hope you enjoy. Feel free to send any requests for these two as they own my thoughts at the moment!

The days following their victory over his past master, Astarion had struggled with his thoughts and feelings. He felt terrible for how distant he had become, especially as you tried your best to be supportive. Yourself struggling with how to balance giving him his space and wanting to just hold the lost man until his world seemed to piece itself together again.

The one thing stopping him from his full blow guilt was that Halsin was there to distract you at times. The larger man seemed to have a better grasp on his emotions than Astarion did, always seeming to pull you off to some task that needed your attention just at the right times or to lead you back to Astarion's tent with hands and hearts full from their adventures whenever he felt the weight of loneliness creep back in. The pale elf was even sure that at times the druid spoke to Scratch and the owlbear cub to cause small bits of chaos or demand attention from you when he could no longer keep your focus.

Astarion was especially grateful for the times the three of you could spend time together in peaceful silence, either walking around near the camp or just sitting near the fire while he read next to you as you focused on redoing the braids on the side of Halsin's head. While the days seemed to be getting better, and his heart seemed to fill in the empty spots left behind by his revenge and the past that had lead to it, some days seemed to thrust him right back into the deep of it.

He pretended not to see the sad glances you shot him as you racked your brain for some way to help. He knew you meant well and normally he would appreciate it or tease you for how wrapped around his finger you were, but today it just seemed to be to much. He hadn't meant for the groan of annoyance to leave his lips as you came by his tent for the third time today, wanting to check in on him.

"What is it you could possibly want this time?" He snapped as he slammed his book shut, shooting a glare at you from where he sat in his tent. "If you're coming to see how I'm doing, let me save you the breath. I'm the same as I was the other million times you've interrupted me today. Now do you have something to actually contribute to my time or can I read in peace?"

It took a moment for him to realize just what had been said, and by the time the guilt had built up in his chest, your eyes had gone glossy. You turned your face away, not wanting him to see your tears welling up.

"I was just coming to tell you that Halsin and I were going into the city to get a hot meal. I was gonna see if you wanted to come, but I guess I'll let you read."

He could have sworn that he could hear his cold heart crack at the shake in your voice. His lips parted to apologize, but his throat tightened around the words before they could leave. He sat in silence as he watched you turn to walk back to where Halsin was waiting nearby.

His eyes met the druid's before you got to him. The wood elf's eyes seemed to be conflicted, split between knowing Astarion hadn't truly meant to hurt your feelings and the disappointment that the interaction had gone so wrong. Once the two figures were gone from sight, the vampire let out a deep sigh and tried to go back to his book. The words just wouldn't come to him now, and every thought seemed to lead back to the hurt look on your face.

Tossing the book onto the ground next to him, he ran his hands through his hair, partially wishing that he could physically push the thought to the back of his mind or even out of his brain altogether. Deciding to take a walk around camp, the lingering eyes of the other camp inhabitants pushed him to walk further and further away until the camp faded from view.

He wasn't even sure how long he wandered, lost in the downward spiral his mind had fallen into. The tears in your eyes fading into the tears of the past victims as they realized the pain he had lead into. Visions of the lives he had ruined flooded his mind until he couldn't take it. An almost feral scream ripped from his throat as he swung his fist against the trunk of a tree he had wandered to close to, another innocent victim to the control he didn't have over himself.

The pain pulsing in his hand seemed to help ground him as he fell to lean his back against the hard bark. He would have been a sight to anyone wandering by, the pale elf with a bloody hand resting in the ground. His fangs bared in his open mouth, and his chest heaving to try to catch his breath. The now rising moon beginning to reflect off the streaks of wetness down his face.

As his red eyes stared up at the glowing rock, he began to push through the dark thoughts, trying his best to lock them back in the recesses of his mind they belonged in. The sound of your voice began to ring in his mind, helping to fend off the thoughts of self doubt and hatred that lingered. The countless times you had told him that he was good enough, that he was worth being loved and cherished. The times you had kissed his face until these same bad feelings were long forgotten.

As his heart and breath began to settle, the world seemed to know what he needed in that moment, and the wind shifted to blow gently against his face. His lips curled up slightly as the faintest whisp of your scent kissed his skin as if you were there with him. It dawned on him that in the hours he must have been gone that you were probably running yourself wild with worry. A short laugh forced itself from his lips as he imagined Halsin trying to quell your panic, probably saying something about some time in nature doing him good.

The walk back to camp was much quicker that he imagined, his feet pulling him home faster as your scent got stronger. It lead him straight towards Halsin's tent. The deep sound of the man's snore was almost as if he was walking into a real bear hibernating.

He froze for a moment as he saw you curled up against the bear of an elf. Your hand slowly moving back and forth over the hairy chest being the only sign that you were still awake. His feet moved him toward you before he asked them to, before he could even worry about if you would want to see him. He crawled in carefully behind you, not wanting to wake the other. His hand hovered over your side, hesitating at the thought that you may still be hurt.

Your skin against his brought him back to the moment as you pulled his arm over your waist. You thumb began to move side to side on his wrist, your wordless forgiveness warming his chest and releasing tension that he didn't know he was still holding.

"I'm sorry." The words were so quiet as they left his lips that he wasn't even sure he has really said them.

"I know." The quiet response was just as possible to be a fantasy.

"I didn't-" His throat closed again as you turned to look over your shoulder at him.

"I know." Turning your face back forward, you brought his hand to your lips before squeezing it slightly and clutching it to your chest.

The moment of peace was interrupted by the sleeping druid rolling over and throwing his arm over the two. As his thick arm tightened around them, each you and Astarion let out a groan as you were both crushed into the bear hug. The smiles on the three faces and the quiet laughs drifting from the tent seeming to right every wrong in the world for just the moment as the two of you joined Halsin in a well needed night of rest.

#astarion x reader #astarion x reader x halsin #bg3 x reader #baldur's gate 3 x reader #reader insert #halsin x reader

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shaisuki · 8 months

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“what's your favorite color?”

megumi asked you, out of the blue. the child sitting beside you while you both looked at the people passing by. his legs swinging a little.

“let me think. it's mmm...”

megumi looks to his side. studying your face while you think of your favorite color. your lips quirking to the side, eyebrows furrowed up. when you reached your answer, your face lightened up.

“blue. my favourite color is blue, megumi.”

“why is that?” he asked once again. your eyebrows raising. megumi never asked for trivial questions such as where do babies come from or something simple as what's your favorite color but the boy's asking and you're more than willing to answer him. an attempt to connect with you and you smiled softly at him.

“it's reminds me of everything that makes me happy, megumi. the sky, the sea and it's the color of his eyes...” megumi gave you a confusing look when your voice died down at the last words.

before he can ask anything again, a annoying, all-too familiar voice interrupted him.

“hello, my two favorite creatures.” slinging his arms in megumi and to you. giving you a large smooch in your cheek and gojo looks to the side. a huge grin breaking out in his face and you swore you never seen megumi so scared before grabbing gojo's blindfold to stop him from terrorizing the poor child.

“satoru, i swear. megumi's going to kill you in your sleep—one day. stop annoying the child.” you warned to him, wringing his blindfold which made him wince from the pain.

“such a meanie—(y/n)!” he pouts, pinching your round cheeks — his cold, long fingers squeezing the flesh with no remorse. this is revenge and seeing you wince, eyebrows knitting in pure annoyance earns the biggest smirk from him. gojo would relish it for a little longer but seeing megumi sending daggers to him made him stop.

“phew. that was tough.” gojo casually began. attempting for the conversation to divert — feigning innocence like he didn't hurt your cheeks and ignoring megumi's glare at him.

“that hurts, satoru.” rubbing the sore spot in your round cheek. you'd be lucky if it didn't bruise. that would really be a pain in the ass.

“it wasn't that hard!” he retaliates. defending his own doings and you just shake your head. arguing with him would be pointless. knowing how gojo never back down. no matter how stupid it is.

“never mind. gumi you want to get ice cream?” pointing out the ice cream truck and megumi nods.

“what about me?!”

“satoru, you're an adult. get it on your own.” reaching out for megumi's hand in which he gladly accepts. his smaller hand holding yours. walking away from the white-haired male wearing blindfold with megumi in your grasp.

you gulped, looking at the corner of your eyes — only to find gojo standing and silent and him being quiet staring at you and megumi, there's chaos brewing in that brain of his and it's never good. it means trouble and despite the park having a fairly amount of people, it's no question he will be doing it.

in which you prepared for the worst. maybe, you can escape it this time.

“megumi.” you call out to the boy. responding to you with a hum. “prepare yourself. your other guardian is going to cause trouble again.” you whispered to him and megumi sweats a little. knowing how this one will end up. could he just have you as his and tsumiki's only guardian? not that troublesome adult who didn't seem to grow up—maturely. beggars can't be choosers or something like that, he knows he owe it to the man but sometimes he don't know how much longer he can endure it. megumi's glad you're around to balance, keep him calm but it never lasts.

you both turned around, and gojo seems like a statue standing there while watching you both and in cue, “run!” you told megumi. bolting to find a place to hide or escape and hoping you'd lost that boyfriend/troublesome idiot of yours.

with you and megumi holding your hand for dear life. yeah, it would be the death of you both if that idiot caught you two. you'll die of embarrassment.

then a full chase began around the park and with lessons yet still to learn and will never be taught. you forgot how gojo's long strides are and with the speed with you and megumi running in even at the headstart. too worried about the shenanigans gojo will bestow to you both.

“gotcha’ (y/n)-chan.” he said in a sing-song voice and adding the chan when teasing you and you felt yourself being lifted up with no chance of escape and you let go of megumi's hand.

“run, gumi!” you told the kid in which he reluctantly obeyed not wanting to leave you but knowing you, he ran in a safe distance watching as you squirmed at his other guardian who won't give you any mercy.

“satoru! put me down this instant!” in which gojo didn't comply. holding your middle with both of his hands while he spins you around. making you squeal and you swear you could feel the stares of multiple eyes.

“nope.” gojo flatly declares.

even with your weight, he still make you feel like you were the lightest person on the planet.

megumi watched in the distance, sitting in one of the tree roots sticking out in the ground. he could feel the annoyance creeping up on him but seeing you happy made him happy too. the annoyance barely affecting him while you laugh at gojo. he can hear the laughter and the cries you were making for the man-child to stop and megumi relished on that. he couldn't help but to feel a little upset about gojo, the man who stopped for letting him get sold by that so called family of his. he knows you and gojo had a life before him but seeing gojo takes all your attention away from him. he simply couldn't help it.

you gave him and tsumiki the utmost care, the unconditional love, making they were satisfied and making sure their wants and needs are met. catching the responsibilities they shouldn't be doing at their age for them to have a normal life. always going for the extra mile to have them taken care. you became the mother they never knew they needed. of course, that weird guy also gave them with the same amount of love but it would never match it with you.

with a plea and string of praises. of course, you complied. you didn't know if you could take more. face hot with embarrassment and your dress in a bunch. crinkling in the corners and you sighed looking at them. “you're the great and handsome gojo satoru! i love you with all my heart!” you shout earlier. never you thought you would stoop that low and just to feed his ego. you're not going to survive another whims he'll whip up. you were glad megumi's not part of it.

there's the casual silence, followed by the small bites in the ice cream you three bought. sitting in the bench under the sky with the soft breeze blowing.

“it's good?” you asked megumi and the boy looks at you and nods. bringing back his attention at his ice cream and you look at the man beside him. contentedly humming while he feasts on the cold treat.

“you got stain here, gumi.” swiping the boy's cheek with your thumb and he stops for a moment for you to clean it properly and goes back once again and gojo seeing it and being the jealous one. he accidentally smears the ice cream in his cheek. “mou~ (n/n) — i think i have some too.” he pouts and you look at him with “are you serious” look. knowing damn well it was intentional. he only smirks and points his cheek to emphasize. someday, you're going to have the chance to slap him, just once.

he leans down to you closer, dangerously close while you hold his jaw to avoid unnecessary movements and for you to wipe the sticky liquid in his face. “done.” you says and there's a cold sensation in your cheek. this bastard.

you decided to be the bigger person today cause if you fought back. there's a full on wild goose chase again. it couldn't be help. you accepted this idiot and you won't be leaving him anytime soon with megumi and tsumiki now in both of your lives.

you three sat there. watching people passed by with ice creams in your hands. it's a cool, windy day under the blue sky.

it felt like it was yesterday. the days and years passing in a blink of an eye and it slip backs into his memory why he asked you what's your favorite color. blue. you fondly told him that with a smile gracing in your lips and that is only memory that stuck him.

under the blue sky. the sunny days. where everybody is basked in it's warmth. the vastness of the blue sky and how it always be a reminder of the happy days. it's always brought a smile to your face, he would remember and he would smile too —a little.

he can't find himself to he happy nor feel a little joy under this weather. droplets of rain falling all over the road, the roofs and the cold wind blowing. puddles of water surrounding the area and he understands why such joyous moments only happens in a warm, sunny day with the blue sky—no clouds.

megumi didn't know what losing someone felt like and he got the first taste of it when tsumiki got cursed and now yours — it was different.

it felt like a ton of bricks and stone is put on him. he feels numb despite of it. he couldn't believe it. how could this happen? you were strong. that's why you survived for so long, enough to see him grow up to be the man he is now today but death's hand is unstoppable. the greatest power on earth couldn't prevent it.

he refuses to see your body laying down in the table. what's bright and warm smile you always give to him — it's gone. replaced by a cold and lifeless expression in front of him. he says he needed to see after all, to see is to believe and he wish he didn't.

the white blanket covering your body and he don't know if he'll cry or not. it's too much. gone too soon and what of your passing to his sensei.

gojo remains silent. the most silent he ever seen him. of course, the loudest he was is when with you. the banters, the witty remarks, your laugh, the squeals when he does something stupid. megumi knew gojo didn't need comfort, not from him. knowing that the cure for that pain is you . he's fighting his own battles too and despite what he felt for the man in his younger days, he still owes him. his life to him and to you.

with no parents stepping up and leaving them to fend for their own. you both came. remembering the day where you scolded gojo to never say anything stupid enough to spook them. he was first to be graced by your smile that day. assuring him that he and tsumiki will be fine. jabbing at gojo telling him that they were going to be fine and it was more than fine.

he couldn't ask anything for more and when the heart could no longer carry the heavy burden of you being gone. his eyes speaks for what the heart can't carry no more. excusing himself leaving the man who you deeply loved more than anything in the world and with the door closing. his eyes opened for the tears to fall.

he's no better than what's megumi feeling right now. fuck, didn't he just promised that he'll protect you so what the fuck this happened.

he wants to scream. curse every living person. his knuckles turning paler than it is — gripping his hair that it'll rip off. you were supposed to be coming home. alive and well. breathing with his name the first thing you'll say and you'd given him the most tight embrace you could muster. “i'm home, satoru.” you are never coming back home.

this is his reality.

he went to approach your body. you look so different. there your face. it was the most brightest when you smiled, laughed even, cried when he's teasing got overboard. he wouldn't get used to this. he needs you laughing and smiling. tell him you love him — that he's an insufferable asshole — that he's your idiot — that—that you're afraid of losing him.

he examined your face, from the shape of your eyes, to the roundness of your cheeks, to the fullness of your lips. you were still his. you look peaceful and he don't want that when you're laying in this table with the mountain of corpses who has been previous laid here.

he wants to see your eyes again. staring right back at him with much adoration and annoyance. he would tease you for hours for the reason your favorite color is blue cause it was the color of his eyes. he can't miss that what you'd told megumi that day. blue makes you happy. his eyes, him. he made you happy and that's important right? he made you happy with the duration of your life with him and that was meant to last for a lifetime with him but it's not going to happen.

he grasp your hand. it's hard and cold. no life and warmth in those hands. the very hands who tenderly cared for the siblings — the very hands who held him every night — that hands that cups his face and you would tell him straight in the eyes that you love him — so — so — much.

“i love you too, (y/n).” he says. slipping the ring he got after the day you both adopted megumi and tsumiki. you're both officially guardians to two children and that means a new start for a family. he didn't know what possessed him that day to get a ring. you're both young with the future ahead of you. it's seems unclear and yet he still got that. one day — one day. he will put that ring to your finger with a promise that he'll annoy you for the rest of your lives together.

he didn't even get to propose to you. always waiting for the right moment but never came and he thinks this is the right moment. he wants to laugh for how stupid he was. the ring would be nicely suited to your ring finger if you were still alive. a promise to spend the rest of your lives together and he can't do that now.

he kisses your forehead one last time before covering you with the blanket. this is goodbye, he guesses. he thinks you're in peace now — no pain, suffering. no one's going to harm you. you're at peace. he told himself.

no amount of grieving will ever rid the pain you inflicted with your passing to the both of them. with the heavy rain pouring.

there will be no promise of blue sky, after this.

#꩜ ⋮ shai's thirst/drabbles⸝⸝#chubby reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x chubby reader #jjk drabbles #gojo satoru drabble #gojo satoru x chubby reader #gojo x reader #jjk angst #jjk fluff #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru #anime x chubby reader #plus size reader

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babsisbakery · 1 month

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How far will you take it?

Lia Wälti x fem!reader part 1

Do you love me or do you love that you have a gf. That you aren't single. That you don't have to spend nights alone. Someone in your arms or someone to hold you. Would you love me if i wasn’t ur gf or just when I am. Maybe you just love the idea of love but don't actually love me. Or maybe you only “love” me because you are bored and have nobody else. I'm just here and showed you affection, so you took it. Took it, to be in a relationship, to get as close as possible to actual love. In reality it isn't though. It's just a fantasy you create. But what about me?

You love being in relationships. Exes of you have warned me, multiple, so so many. I ignore your red flags. As if I had a red and green colour deficiency. I give and I give, do I receive anything in return? No. Because you need, want the affection. But when I need it, you are nowhere to be seen. When I'm clingy or want some attention. You take your sweet time responding. Time away from me.The cold shoulder, silent treatment, no response after I shoot a text. Even Duolingo messages me more than you and that's sad to admit.

I'm wondering if you leave me on-read on purpose too. I know you do sometimes on insta. Why's that? Did I offend you? Lia, you leave me with crumbs. Crumbs of your existence. Which I absorb like a greedy vacuum. This isn't healthy. It makes my mind spiral every night. Wondering if you love me. Wondering if you are cheating. Wondering if you have found the one but stay with me out of convenience. No-one in a relationship should have to wonder if their partner loves them, yet here I am. You give me almost nothing. Stop messing with my feelings, don't drag me around if you don't feel the same. Let me find someone who does in fact love me if you don't. I want a relationship where both sides give 100 percent. A balance. Yet still all my words fall to dull ears, Words spoken to someone who doesn't want to change or listen. Someone who wants to live their life to the fullest, but why drag me into this chaos of a life.

So either you get a grip of yourself or I'm done. I'll not only leave you but Arsenal as well. I wouldn't be able to look you in the eyes. So I'm giving you an ultimatum. Yes, like one in the show but without a ring, I want to sense your commitment. Because those restless nights are plaguing my brain. I want to become a mother eventually and for that I need a partner. If it's you or not, I can't foresee. If you can't imagine a future with me, then don't. I'll go. I'll be gone. Just say the words. I’ll be out of your hair once and for all.

- Your dear friend/gf

This is the letter Lia found on the counter top after returning from a cruel training session. Lia sat down on the sofa, still in her gym clothes. She initially assumed it was some sort of grocery list, she wanted to ignore it. But something in her mind nagged her to take a better look. She was shocked and ashamed of herself. She had really broken you. This wasn't in her plans, to destroy your whole being. She simply wanted to have some fun, have you as her girl. Yet there wasn't a trace of you. Not in this apartment, albeit your belongings were still at their places, nor in training today. Now she knew the reason why you were out of sight this evening. You are gone for now. Somewhere you felt loved and cherished. She had led you to exile with one foot in the door. The question is will Lia convince you to stay or will she set you free to be at peace? Which path will she choose?...

#woso #woso imagine #woso x reader #arsenal women #lia walti #lia wälti #lia walti x reader #lia walti imagine #arsenal wfc #awfc x reader #awfc imagine #awfc

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moonlightsolo · 1 year

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nga yawne lu oer; i love you.

summary: the rda murders a tulkun and dumps it for the metkayina to find. the village turns into a frenzy, wishing to fight for their brothers and sisters lives. lo’ak runs to warn payakan, but the creature is already marked for death. you and neteyam get split up, causing you to be captured by the avatar mercenaries. neteyam comes to your rescue, but is forced to help lo’ak save spider from the soldiers…

pairing: neteyam sully x fem!na’vi/human reader

warnings: graphic depiction of character death, weapons, blood, ptsd, non-descriptive implied smut :p, & quaritch.

note: pls leave feedback on this one. i put my heart n soul into it. i’m also not even listing the word count bc it’s embarrassing how long it is. (it’s 15k) yk it’s gonna be good so go read it rn

part one | part two | part three | part four

the deafening sound of a conch horn mixes in with the storm rolling over the village.

you, kiri, tuk, neteyam, and lo’ak all go silent. eyes worriedly dart to each other, staring in bewilderment as your brains ponder on what to do.

“we should go.” neteyam breaks the silence, spinning on his heel. he ducks down under the entrance to the marui and disappears around the bend. lo’ak takes no time to follow his brother, sprinting after him through the rain.

“come on. it’s okay.” you attempt to reassure the worried child. you grab tuk’s hand to walk outside with her and kiri, a few steps behind lo’ak and neteyam. your hand comes up to shield your eyes from the heavy rain falling from the ominous clouds.

as you get closer to the center of the village, the growing crowd of metkayina becomes more dense- this is not good.

“my spirit sister and her baby have been murdered by the sky people!” ronal’s voice shouts from somewhere in the center of the irate group of villagers.

you grasp tuk’s hand so tight, afraid she might get lost in the crowd. you can barely make out neteyams head as he pushes through the metkayina, “i’m scared.” the girl whines from behind you.

“it’s okay. just keep your head down, tuk.” you mumble, wincing as somebody’s sharp elbow collides with your ribs.

you finally break free from the crowd, instantly spotting jake and neytiri standing in front of ronal and tonowari. neteyam and lo’ak are already standing behind their parents, so you quietly sneak over to them with kiri ahead of you.

the chief and his wife are on an elevated surface as they speak to their village, “this war has come to us! we knew about this hunting of our tulkun people, but it was over the horizon. far away! now, it is here!” tonowari shouts, and hisses angrily as he delivers the news to his people.

“you gotta understand how the sky people think! they don’t care about the great balance!” jake tries to calm down tonowari, but it just makes it worse.

“we don’t answer to sky people!” a metkayina raspily screams from behind you, making you jump.

“listen! listen to him!” neteyam urges them.

“the sky people are not gonna stop! this is only the beginning! you gotta tell your tulkun to leave! you gotta tell them to go far away!” jake shouts as he talks with his hands.

“leave?!” ronal shrieks, “you live among us and you learn nothing!”

“we will fight to protect our brothers and sisters!” a metkayina man steps forward, slamming his fist roughly against his chest.

the people yip and screech in agreement, and grow more wild by the second; howling and slamming the bottom of their weapons against the ground.

“no, no! if you attack, if you fight, then they will destroy you. it would destroy everything that you love!” jake yells.

your eyes dart around nervously at everyone, heart pumping wildly against your ribs.

the metkayina cry out as they stomp and grow even more furious. “hear my words!” jake desperately pleads the people.

“stay calm! stay calm!” neteyam tries to alleviate the chaos but it doesn’t do anything, “listen to my father! he speaks the truth!”

jake steps forward holding an orange spear-like beacon up to the crowd. the people go silent as they look at what he is holding.

“you tell the tulkun that if they’re hit by one of these they’re marked for death.” he breathes heavily, “and call for me. i’ll silence it.”

“saving their lives, that’s all that matters. right?” he looks around at the village, “saving your family.”

tonowari looks down at his wife, before taking a step up next to jake, “tell the tulkun.” he orders.

“go.” ronal urges, “go!”

lo’ak is quick to blend in with the moving crowd, which neteyam takes notice to. you hand over tuk to kiri, “i’ll be right back.” you say to them, quickly sprinting in the direction neteyam took off in.

just as you’re about to run past them, you spot the boys at the end of a dock arguing, “you gotta keep your skxawng ass here.” you overhear neteyam say to lo’ak.

“he’s outcast. there’s nobody to warn him but me!” lo’ak argues.

“bro.” neteyam sighs as he slaps his hand on top of his brothers head, “why do you always have to make things so hard?”

lo’ak pushes his hand off of him with a grunt, “no. you mean why can’t i be the perfect son like you? the perfect little soldier?”

neteyam takes a step back from him, chuckling angrily before stepping even closer to his brother- as if he is holding himself back from punching him. “i’m not you!” lo’ak shouts in his face.

you need to stop this before it gets too heated.

you run forward, out of breath as if you didn’t eavesdrop on everything that was said. just as you make it to them, lo’ak shoves neteyams arm off of his shoulder, “get off me.”

“lo’ak!” tsireya calls from the water on her ilu, coming in fast with ao’nung and rotxo.

before you know it, the youngest sully boy is diving in the water to his ilu and taking off.

“come on! he’s going to payakan.” neteyam grips your arm to pull you forward, making you stumble. his arm protectively wraps around your waist before he jumps into the water.

you suck in a sharp breath before the cool water envelopes around your bodies; one of his arms reaches back to he situate your body behind him. he grasps the reins of his ilu, and takes off in the direction of lo’aks trail.

he breaches the surface, making you gasp as the rain hits the top of your head. you can see lo’ak in the distance, “come back!” you scream out to him which just makes him go even faster.

kiri and tuk are off to the side, sat on an ilu in the water. “lo’ak!” both of them call after him.

“he’s going to find payakan!” you and neteyam yell out to them in sync.

“wait up!” kiri yells as neteyam dives back under the water to follow his brother. your arms tighten around his waist, trying your hardest to not fly off from the speed.

he chases him all the way to three brothers rocks where payakan is. the creature breaches the water as lo’ak calls his name.

the animal lets out a loud pained whine as it swims up to him. the tulkun turns in the water, revealing the same orange spear from earlier lodged into his back. this time, it’s beeping.

the younger boy jumps off of his ilu and onto his back to try and pull the machine out of its skin.

“oh shit! neteyam! they’re here!” you cry out when a huge ship appears from around one of the giant rocks.

“we need to help him.” neteyam leaps off the ilu and onto the tulkuns back, leaving you behind on its saddle. you mentally punch him for leaving you behind, but you know that all he was thinking about was getting his brother.

you take control of his ilu, wrapping your hand around the leather handle on the saddle to dive under the belly of payakan. you pull up to breach the surface on the opposite side.

your legs push up to leap off of the animal, and onto the back of the giant creature- just as tsireya, rotxo and ao’nung arrive and jump onto the creatures back.

you scurry over to help them pull the machine out, your hands attempt to grip the slippery surface of the beacon. it’s really stuck in there.

“call it in! call dad!” neteyam yells an order at his brother, who looks at neteyam as if his heart just fell out of his ass, “just go! do it!”

lo’ak scurries to stand up on the top of the animal as his hand flies to his throat to talk to jake through their comms.

even with five people pulling, there’s absolutely no budge. you let out a frustrated yell when your hands slip off of the damp surface for the hundredth time.

your eyes continue to glance behind you at the ship as you try to pull it out, “it’s getting closer!” you cry out in a panic. another harsh wave crashes against the side of the tulkuns body, sending a mist of sea water in everybody’s face.

your mind goes through every possible way you could get this thing out of it, “a rope! does anyone have a rope?!” you yell out, eyes looking over the four na’vi around you.

neteyam looks over at you, his chest heaving with exertion and terror, “a rope…” he breathes out, pausing for a moment to look around.

he makes a clicking sound with his throat, summoning his ilu back over to him. he jumps into the water to search through the packs on its side, “hurry up, bro!” lo’ak screams as he comes back from talking to their father.

neteyam unravels a long rope from inside, throwing the other end to you. it’s almost as if he read your mind when he wraps it around the ilu to utilize the animals strength to help.

you quickly snatch the thrown rope out of the air and begin wrapping it around the tracking beacon with the help of ao’nung.

“go, go, go!” the chiefs son tells neteyam, your head continues to check on the proximity of the ship. now they’ve discharged smaller boats into the water that are coming your way, “we have to hurry! they’re coming!”

neteyam gets on the back of his ilu, flapping it’s fins in the water to accelerate forward, now aiding in pulling out the beacon, “pull now!” he orders.

the four of you muster up all of your strength to try to force the beacon out of its skin, “hurry! we need to hurry!” tsireya cries out.

“pull! harder!” you whine, your hands burn from the scraping of the metal against your palms.

the beacon suddenly releases from the creatures skin, pulling the rest of you into the water along with it. payakan quickly takes off, the force pushes you even deeper into the rough ocean. you use all your might to swim up to the surface.

the first thing you see beyond the waves is neteyam swimming away with the beacon in his hand.

“no! neteyam! no!” you screech out for him as your stomach threatens to release the contents of your dinner.

you begin to panic; you can’t lose him. you attempt to swim towards him, but he’s quick to dive under the water with his ilu. there’s absolutely no way you’ll be able to catch up to him.

“come!” lo’ak grips your upper arm to pull you towards his ilu that he summoned, “he’ll be okay! come on!”

you reluctantly climb onto the back of his animal, wrapping your arms around lo’aks waist as he dives after the rest of them- now going the opposite way of neteyam. you can’t help but look back, in attempt to find him in the open water.

the boy halts underneath tall stalks of seaweed, hiding himself beneath the giant leaves as the boats pass by. you glance over at kiri and tuk hiding underneath the one beside you.

the main ship releases more boats, but ones that can now dive under the water. you tap lo’ak’s arm to get his attention, pointing at the submarines. he quickly takes off, dodging in between the sea grass to try and out run them.

they’re quick to follow, their lights bright and menancing as they chase all of you through the underwater foliage.

somehow, you and lo’ak get split up from the rest of the group. the boy quickens the pace of his ilu, causing you to tighten your grip around him and tuck your head into his back. he looks back for a moment at the ship, his panic growing from the enemies close proximity.

a second ship drops in front of you, making you scream out lo’aks name in the water. the boy sharply turns to the left to dodge the metal claws of the ship that reach out to grasp you.

lo’ak signs for you to jump off with him into the thick seaweed. your eyes go wide, but he doesn’t wait for a response from you. he launches himself off his ilu, but not without grasping your hand to bring you with him.

you grab ahold of a thick stalk of grass, using them to hurl yourself forward through the water as the ilu draws the ships away. lo’ak leads you to a grass pod with an air pocket, looking up into it to see his little sister inside.

he swims upward along with you, grabbing your hand to pull you up into the air bubble with him. “tuk!” you both shout in surprise.

before you could ask where kiri is, the ships lights grow nearer as the sound of its engines gets louder. “we have to go! it’s coming.” you shriek.

all three of you suck in a deep breath before plunging back into the water to swim in the opposite direction of them.

the ships start to surround you, giving you no other way than forward to swim away and escape. they’re too fast, you’ll never be able to out swim them.

one of the ships projectiles a net at all of you, catching only you and tuk inside of it. your limbs flail as you try to find a way out, pulling and tugging at the netted string but the material is too strong.

two ikrans dive into the water, grasping the net with their talons to hoist you and tuk out of the water. lo’aks fingers latch onto the outside as the soldiers take off into the sky towards the mother ship.

“no! let us out!” you grunt as your hands try to rip at the net. you take out the knife neteyam gave you, dragging the serrated blade over the strings.

“hold on!” lo’ak yells as he unsheathes his blade from his hip to start cutting the material, “look out! move your hand! move your hand!”

“hurry, lo’ak!” tuk whimpers in fear.

you and tuk scream as you’re dropped onto the hard pavement of the ship, now surrounded by armed avatars.

lo’ak moves away from the net, standing with his back toward you and tuk in attempt to protect you. he snarls and growls at the soldiers with his knife still in his hand, ready to attack at any second.

“drop the weapon!” “put the weapon down!” they shout at him.

the boy steps forward, attempting to stab one of the men but they easily dodge his attack and shove him to the ground. two of them pin his arms beside him as he struggles under their grasp.

“no!” you screech, seething at the aggressors. you kick and wiggle as you attempt to push the heavy net off of you and tuk.

finally, you spot an opening. “come on.” you’re the first to emerge from the net, with tuk right behind you.

both of you try to protect yourselves with your blades but the lab-made na’vi are too strong.

one of them grips the back of your neck, forcing you to the ground, while another grabs tuks wrist for her to drop her knife.

“hey! hey! what are you doing? stop!” someone shouts from behind you, “stop! don’t hurt them!”

tuk yelps from beside you as she is held hostage by a soldier, trying her hardest to wriggle out of their tight grip.

your head turns on the wet pavement, looking behind you to see spider talking to lo’ak; the human boy is being held back by two men.

you snarl at the man on top of you, his knee sitting painfully on your back to hold you down. “knock it off! stay still!” his knee presses harder into your spine, making you cry out in pain.

“you’re hurting her! stop!” spider screams out at the man on top of you.

one of the avatar men on the ikrans hops off of the animal, his heavy boots stomping on the damp ground.

“get back to the bridge.” he points at spider, ordering the soldiers beside him to bring him back inside, “and keep ‘em there!”

that man’s voice, that american twang sounds familiar. it’s the man from the forest, the one who held kiri, lo’ak, and tuk hostage- the one who stole spider; it’s quaritch.

“yeah, i remember you.” he looks down at lo’ak, who hisses in reply.

“cuff ‘em to the rail. all of ‘em.” he points.

finally, the pain is alleviated from your back as you’re forced to your feet. you don’t dare to try and wiggle out of the grip, knowing the attempt would end up with you getting hurt somehow.

“get on your knees. on ‘em.” the soldier behind you kicks the back of your legs, making them give out so you would fall to the ground. you grimace as the pavement cuts open the skin on your knees, hissing at the man behind you.

your hands are brought in front of you, and handcuffed to the rail along with tuk and lo’ak.

“fuck you!” you seethe through your teeth, your slightly sharpened canines bare wildly at the men. the soldier behind you goes to back hand you, making you cower to prepare for the blow.

quaritch takes a step toward you, with a simple raise of his hand he stops the mercenary from hitting you.

“this one’s red-hot.” he chuckles alongside his soldiers as he stares down at you with a cocky sneer.

“and where are you from?” he squats down to your level, looking over you intently. his gaze makes you uncomfortable, “you’re not blue like the rest of ‘em… yet you breathe our air.” he hums curiously.

“i’m not telling you shit.” you spit out, your voice dripping with venom.

tuk grunts beside you as she tries to pull the handcuffs off the railing. your eyes slightly glance over at her, your heart aching for her.

“half human, half na’vi.” he unsheathes his combat knife, pressing the tip of it into your chin to angle your face up towards him.

the sharp tip of the knife pricks at your skin, daring to slice into it even from the most subtle movement from you.

“let her go! don’t hurt her!” lo’ak barks out, earning a kick from a soldier next to him.

“mm, i’ve seen you. the forest right? you’re sully’s oldest sons girl, aren’t you?” the man tilts his knife to control your head as he examines you.

“like i said… i’m not. telling. you. shit!” you hiss out, trying your hardest not to move your jaw from the knife being so close to cutting into you.

he finally pulls back when the loud yipping sounds of na’vi start to grow closer, stuffing his knife back into its cover on his hip, “na’vi inbound!” a soldier yells.

your head turns toward the sound, watching them all fly in on their tsuraks. the soldiers around you ready up, aiming at them with their weapons.

the na’vi in the water halt, sitting dormant in the water as if they’re examining the people onboard.

“dad!” tuk calls out desperately.

quaritch rips off lo’aks comm device from his neck, connecting it to himself to be able to talk to his father.

“jake, tell your friends to stand down. you want your kids back, you come out alone.” he speaks to him, “you know better than to test my resolve.” he pulls a handgun from his side, cocking it and pressing the barrel against the back of lo’aks head.

“no! lo’ak!” you gasp, grunting as you pull harder on your restraints.

“i took you under my wing, jake. you betrayed me. you killed your own,” he continues, “good men. good women. i will not hesitate to execute your kid.”

you begin to weep, out of rage and fear. hot angry tears streak your salty face as you tug on the handcuffs that refuse to budge. “please.” you beg, “don’t hurt him.”

your words earn a blow from a steel-toed boot against your ribs, “shut up, stupid girl.” the air punches out of your lungs as you keel over from the pain.

“offers fixin’ to expire. what’s it gonna be?” quaritch speaks into the comm.

in the distance, you watch a single tsurak start to swim forward away from the group of na’vi soldiers. it’s jake sully, he’s coming. but if he comes up here, he will die. you cannot let any of them die.

your breathing is erratic as your brain goes into overdrive, thinking of every possible way to get out of this. to save jake, lo’ak, and tuk- not even worrying about yourself at this point.

“easy shot.” a bald avatar says, but quaritch lowers the man’s weapon with his hand, “you hit them now, they attack. wait till he’s on board.”

lo��ak growls loudly from his words, causing the gun to press harder into the back of his head.

the next moments seemingly play out in slow motion. something you would have never assumed to be a possibility.

lo’aks tulkun breaches the water, launching himself over the boat as it bellows loudly in the sky. the crew begin to scurry as payakan falls down, squashing multiple soldiers beneath its heavy body.

water splashes all over the three of you, shrieking in surprise as the entire ship rocks and groans from the blow it just took.

the crew begin to shoot at him, but payakan slides a fin across the ground to pummel them. lo’ak kicks a soldier to make him stumble forward, helping out payakan so he could slam his fin down onto the man.

the tulkuns fluke rises into the air before crushing a crane and sending a smaller ship flying.

your eyes dart towards the water, smiling wide as the metkayina and jake charge towards the boat. “they’re coming!” you yell to lo’ak and tuk.

payakan dodges an incoming explosive spear, sending it somewhere onto the ship to detonate with a loud boom. the tulkun let’s out one last deafening roar before slipping back into the water, but not without taking down a few more men.

“sully’s inbound! i want eyes on!” quaritch orders as he steps away from the three of you.

a gunship is inbound in the sky, shooting multiple rounds into the water where the fleet of na’vi soldiers are underneath.

an ikran drops out of the clouds, appearing out of no where. a banshee from the forest, it’s neytiri.

the aircraft is quickly taken down, exploding into pieces as it pummels into a bank of rocks.

you watch the fight in the water, wincing at every person the na’vi brutally take down. “we need to get out of here.” you whine, pulling on your handcuffs with all of your strength.

“come on! come on!” you cry out as your feet push against the railing, trying your hardest to free yourself.

an explosion rocks the ship as a boat flies from the water and catches an engine on fire as it revs up. the main ship that you’re on accelerates forward at a terrifying speed.

“oh shit! oh shit! hold on!” you brace yourself as it runs over a bank of rocks, catapulting it into the sky, making it catch air underneath it’s belly.

the three of you hover in the air, the handcuffs being the only thing keeping you from flying away. the ship roughly crashes into the water, sending all three of you hurling towards the ground.

“you okay?” lo’ak asks you and tuk, before busying himself to try and pull at the restraints again.

“this boat is going down, and we need to get off of it right now!” you screech in a panic, leaning forward to try and rip the handcuffs off with your teeth.

in your peripheral vision, you see someone launch themselves out of the water and land on the pavement. your mouth pulls away from the material of the handcuffs, a giant smile pulling up on your face.

“neteyam!” tuk yells in excitement.

“i have never been so relieved to see you!” you cry out in happiness.

“need some help?” he teasingly asks as he bends down and unsheathes his knife. the blade easily slices the fabric off of your wrists. you fight yourself from leaping forward to plant a big fat kiss on his perfect lips.

“shut up. come on. get us loose.” lo’ak hurries his brother as he goes down the line of people, cutting the restraints.

your wrists are sore as you pull them towards your body, but that’s the least of your worries right now.

once tuk is loose, she throws herself at you for comfort. you quickly reciprocate by wrapping your arms around her to hold her close.

“it’s okay. get tuk out of here.” neteyam says to you as he steps over to lo’ak.

“what? no! i’m not leaving you.” you protest, making him growl in annoyance and send you a sharp look.

“bro, hurry up!” lo’ak complains, shaking his wrists against the metal railing.

“just go! i’ll be right behind you!” he yells back at you, as the knife cuts through lo’aks handcuffs, “who’s the mighty warrior, huh?” you hear neteyam say to his brother. that would make you laugh if you weren’t so worried right now.

you swiftly lift tuk up, running to the edge of the boat. you’re just about to jump, but tsireya pops up at the surface on her ilu. “here! bring her to me!”

tuk unravels herself from around you to hop onto the back of tsireya’s animal. the little girl looks up at you worriedly, “it’s okay, tuk. we’ll be right behind you!”

tsireya nods and shoots you a worried smile before diving under the water. you quickly turn on your heel to see lo’ak has been freed and snagged an assault rifle from a fallen soldier.

“come on. let’s go.” just as neteyam is about to run towards you, lo’ak goes the opposite way.

“they‘ve got spider. we’ve gotta get him. come on.” lo’ak motions with his head, “come on, bro! we can’t leave him.”

neteyam grunts loudly in frustration, and slams a fist against the ground before standing to his feet. he takes a moment to acknowledge you, looking over your body. his eyes catch the bloody scuffs on your knees, and a few scratches and bruises that litter your skin.

he steps forward, hands cupping your face. “are you alright?” he asks worriedly, his hands guide your body to turn in a three-sixty. his eyes look over your back for any sign of serious injury; like father like son.

“i’m okay, i’m okay. i swear.” you breathe out, slightly in a bit of shock but otherwise you’re okay.

your hands come up to rest against his rapidly rising chest, feeling his soft skin beneath your fingertips. you look up at him, his golden eyes are already staring down at you.

“seriously, bro? this is not the time for a reunion!” lo’ak shouts with evident annoyance in his voice.

neteyam chuckles from his brothers words, leaning down to swiftly peck your lips, “go find a weapon. any weapon.” he urges you.

you smile up at him before scurrying around to try and scavenge anything from the soldiers that are scattered on the ground. you find the knife neteyam gifted you lodged under one of the dead soldiers bodies, you can’t help but feel the sharp blade with the pad of your thumb.

thank eywa, you would hate yourself for eternity if you lost it.

neteyam grabs your hand to pull you along with him and his brother through the many hallways of the boat, with lo’ak leading.

“we have to climb.” neteyam whispers in your ear as your eyes follow lo’ak. the boy easily scales the wall by holding onto pipes. neteyam goes next, “watch me.” he climbs slowly for you.

you watch the exact placement of his feet and how he grips the metal with his hands. he follows the pipes up the wall and onto the ceiling, hanging upside down. “come on, you’re next. you can do it.”

you take a deep breath before hopping onto the pipes, copying his movements. until you’re hanging upside down and slowly climbing over an open room filled with the ships crew.

“evacuating, people. come on! let’s go!” a human man runs by screaming underneath you.

you squeak when your grip slightly falters, making neteyam stop in his tracks to look down at you through his legs.

“for the love of the great mother, please don’t fall.” he says to you, but it sounds as if he’s talking to himself.

the three of you slowly inch forward once the soldiers pass until you finally reach another metal platform. lo’ak is the first one to fall down, landing easily on his feet and then neteyam.

you’re still hanging on for dear life, not sure how you’re going to drop down that far without hurting yourself. especially your recently mended broken ankle.

“just fall! i’ll catch you!” he quietly calls up to you.

“are you sure? will you actually catch me?” you cry out, your muscles shaking under the pressure of holding up your entire body weight.

“yes! trust me!” he whisper-yells up to you, “lo’ak, help!” neteyam hisses at his brother.

before you could make the decision for yourself, your overworked muscles give out. you fall downward toward neteyam, your feet flail in the air. the scream that threatens to burst out from your lungs is held inside, scared it would give you away to the crew.

instead of feeling the pain of the pavement and metal coming in contact with your body, neteyam and lo’ak catch you.

your eyes are wide as you look over their shocked faces, “i can’t believe i just fell.” you breathe out as they put you down on your feet.

“gracefully, of course.” neteyam teases you with a wink, his hand pushes gently against your lower back to lead you in between him and his brother as they walk forward.

lo’ak slowly starts to creep forward until he reaches the end of the yellow platform you’re on.

a few soldiers are walking by with spider, so the sully brothers take the opportunity to jump on top of them to attack. lo’ak uses his gun he found to swing and hit a few of the men, instead of actually pulling the trigger. neteyam punches a few of them and tosses one of them overboard.

you can do this, you can do this.

with a deep breath, you jump down from above. you land on top of the shoulders of one of the men, using the blunt handle of your knife to hit him across the face. your thighs suffocatingly squeeze around his head until he falls to the ground unconscious.

the man falls forward directly on his face after losing to your battle, giving you the opportunity to land gracefully on your feet.

you let out a gasp when gunshots go off behind your back, spinning around with wide eyes to see who was shot- but it’s thankfully just lo’ak using his gun on one of them.

you stand up from your spot, panting as all of you look over the bodies of the men you just took out.

“oh, hey!” spider huffs out towards you, his chest huffing. you awkwardly wave at him, giving him a small smile. “we should go.” the human boy says next.

“let’s go.” neteyam says to you, grabbing your hand and jumping off with you to the lower ground floor.

“thanks, guys.” spider says breathlessly once all of you land safely.

your mouth opens to reply, but across the room two avatar mercenaries emerge and spot the four of you, “oh no.” you breathe out.

“go!” spider screams, his voice slightly cracks.

lo’ak attempts to aim and shoot, but neteyam shoves his gun down and pushes him forward.

“go, go, go!” neteyams hand tightly grips your wrist to pull you behind him as he runs forward, ducking his head to dodge the bullets.

“oh fuck! oh shit!” you screech as you’re blindly lead by neteyam as the bullets fly past your head.

the four of you scurry behind a wall. neteyam pushes you towards spider, the force making you stumble into the boy. neteyam snatches lo’aks gun from his hands, “give me that!”

he barely aims the gun at the men, and just starts pulling the trigger, “go, go, go!” he shouts, and points towards the open water.

spider and lo’ak are the first to jump, but you refuse to leave neteyam behind, “go! what are you doing? get out of here!” he screams at you, hiding behind cover before going to shoot at them again.

“screw that! i’m not leaving you, neteyam!” you argue with him, pressing your back farther into the wall as the bullets shoot into the concrete behind you.

“aah fuck! why do you have to be so stubborn?” he grunts at you, continuing to shoot at them. his gun clicks, indicating he’s out of ammo.

“come on!” he throws the gun to the side, extending his arm to grasp your hand tightly to run towards the water.

the soldiers continue to shoot at you until you both leap over the yellow railing and into the ocean. something hard pelts your right shoulder, making you wince as you fall towards the ocean.

the pressure of the water makes your hands separate, screaming out his name as he is sucked away from you.

once your eyes open under the salty seawater, all you can see is bubbles and the usually blue water is slightly stained red. your arms lift to paddle under the boat, but an excruciatingly sharp pain shoots from your right side.

using your left arm, you swim under the boat and pull yourself to the surface on the other side. gasping for air, you cry out hoarsely and cough as you bob under the water. the salty liquid fills your mouth whenever you try to speak.

“come on!” you hear tsireya’s voice coming from somewhere, but the waves continue to knock roughly against your head. every time your head sinks under the water, the crimson color worsens.

“neteyam!” you gargle out. every word you attempt to speak sparks at your nerve-endings, fueling the fire of the agony that ripples throughout your entire body.

“oh shit. she’s shot!” lo’ak screams, the sound of rapid swimming grows louder as someone comes over to you.

just as your body starts to sink again, an arm strongly slides under your arms from around your back. you gasp for air once you breach the surface, sputtering out the water inside of your mouth.

“help me! someone help me!” neteyams voice is loud next to your head, making your ears ring. your breath rapidly puffs from your mouth as you seek for some sort of solace from your pain.

another arm wraps around your body as you’re dragged forward in the water. you cough but instead it comes out like a wheeze. oh, that’s not good.

your eyes slightly squint open, only being able to see flashes of blue as your limp body is tugged onto the saddle of an ilu.

you let out a piercing cry as you’re forced to sit up on the animal. instinctively, you want to curl in on yourself, but the person behind you holds you up with their arms around your abdomen.

“it hurts!” you sob out loudly, which crying just makes the pain even worse. it feels as if the right side of your body has been replaced with ice and electricity that is wired directly to your spine.

you overhear spider say something along the lines of, “she’s bleeding really bad.” which makes the panic grow even more in your chest.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry! everything is gonna be okay. bro, go!” neteyam shouts from behind you, pulling you back against his chest.

the ilu underneath you chirps as it takes off in the water, “it’s okay. we got you, i got you. hurry up!” his voice cracks as he desperately screams at his brother.

“i’m trying!” lo’ak shouts back at him as the ilu picks up speed to rush forward.

“they have kiri and tuk!” tsireya cries out from the fin of the ilu, making your eyes burst open from a rush of adrenaline. “we… have to go back!”

you attempt to sit up but instead you fall forward weakly onto lo’aks back in front of you. your cheek presses flat against his damp skin as you struggle to breathe, “we can’t! we can’t go back!” lo’ak yells out, continuing forward.

“dad-! eagle eye! y/n is shot! we need help!” neteyam uses his comm to talk to his father. his voice is frantic as he speaks to him, making you think your wound is worse than you think.

“hurry, lo’ak! dad is over there.” the boy behind you slightly moves, indicating that he’s pointing in a direction you can’t see.

it seems like an eternity until the ilu slows down, the creature squaks loudly in the rough water as the waves crash over your bodies.

“help!” neteyam shouts from behind you as he jumps into the water, “lo’ak, lower her to me!”

you let out a hoarse cough, your breathing still coming out in short bursts. you can barely open your eyes as you’re lowered into the rough water by lo’ak.

neteyam grabs ahold of your head, cradling you in his arms along with tsireya and spider holding onto your body so you wouldn’t float away.

“hurry!” she yells over the sound of the waves breaking against the shore.

“oh no.” you hear jake rush over to your side, opening your heavy eyelids to see him leaning over you from standing on the rock.

“hurry, please!” neteyam cries out, holding onto you tight.

“it’s gonna be okay, baby. i promise. my dads gonna help you.” his voice shakes as he speaks to you.

you raspily cough as another wave pelts your bodies, gurgling out the water as your head lulls to the side. “no, no, my love. stay with me.” one of his wet hands cups your cheek to pull your face back up, “hurry up! pull us up!” he yells at his father.

it seems like everybody’s hands are on you as you’re lifted out of the water and into the air. two different hands cradle your head, and others hoist your legs up.

you’re gently laid down onto the surface of the rock, a sob wracks through your lungs as you wheeze.

your breath comes in short, ragged gasps as you struggle to calm your racing heart. your chest feels tight, as if an invisible noose is constricting around your lungs.

your eyes finally open fully, tears clouding your vision. neteyam and jake are the ones directly beside you, their heads covering the cloudy sky.

“hold on.” jake warns you as he lifts you up to inspect the exit wound on your shoulder. your wound throbs, exploding in your head with a blinding whiteness.

the feeling makes you squirm, and gasp from the sheer amount of agony.

neteyams hand desperately holds onto yours, his watery eyes look down at you before glancing up at his dad. “do something! help her!”

the air whips around your body, causing your wet skin to feel colder than it should. your hand grips neteyams tightly, practically crushing his fingers.

jake presses one of his large hands against your chest to create pressure on your bleeding wound. you hiccup out a weak cry from the tenderness of it, writhing under his hand.

“it’s okay. it’s okay.” jake shooshes you gently, his eyes darting to his eldest son with a worried look.

“nete...” you croak out between your rapid breaths, making the boy look down at you.

“everything’s gonna be okay. i’m so sorry.” he repeats, making you shake your head. he goes to protest but neytiri arrives on her ikran, leaping off and rushing over to join the crowd gathered around you.

she gasps in shock and drops to her knees beside neteyam, one of her hands comes up to rest on your knee for comfort.

you give her a weak smile, your bottom lip quivering as you do so. you look over the people around you, seeing how they’re all crying for you. wow, it really seems like you’re dying right now.

jake sits back, his hand still pressed firmly on your chest. he looks off in the distance as if he’s listening to something.

“where are your sisters?” he questions neteyam and lo’ak, his eyes darting between them, “your sisters. where are they?” his voice grows louder.

“they’re on the ship.” you groan out, sputtering out a wet cough.

jake looks down at you, his eyes widening in fear. “neteyam, you stay here with her. keep pressure on it, it didn’t go all the way through. we’re gonna go get them.” jake transfers the job over to neteyam to keep you alive, and you can see the panic on the boys features.

neytiri stands alongside jake, ready to fight for her daughters, “where exactly are they?” jake asks you, but you have no idea.

“they’re.. they’re at the moon pool.” spider looks up at jake who’s face contorts in confusion, “at the well deck. midships?” he tries to simplify it, but somehow makes it more complicated.

“come on, i’ll show you.” spider stands and motions to the water.

“lo’ak, come!” neytiri calls her son, motioning towards her ikran for him to follow her.

the younger boy wipes his tears and taps your leg, “you better be all good by the time we get back.” he points at you as he was threatening you.

a shiver wracks your body, but you smile at him through the pain, “she will, yeah?” neteyam looks down at you with a watery smile, making you nod in response.

jake crouches beside you one last time, his hand resting on the top of your head. “try to control your breathing, okay? i know it hurts, but hyperventilating will make it worse. we’ll come back for you.” he gives you a soft smile before standing up to walk away with spider towards the water.

nausea starts to rise in your belly from the immense pain, making you feel as if you’re going to pass out.

before anything happens, you have to let neteyam know how you truly feel about him. you don’t care that tsireya is beside you, the only thing that matters right now is him.

“neteyam…” you cough roughly, forcing him to look down at you, “yes, yes, my love. i’m here.” his voice trembles.

you admire his saddened features for a moment; how his skin crinkles between his eyebrows, how his perfect lips quiver… the streak of your blood that runs across his cheek from inevitablely tucking his unruly braids behind his ear, and his big round eyes that are glassy with tears. he’s trying his hardest to bottle in his emotions to stay strong for you, to keep you calm… your love for him is unconditional.

“i love you. i always have.” your voice is almost like a whisper.

a sob escapes from his lips, dropping his head down onto your forehead softly before lifting back up to look down at you.

“nga yawne lu oer.” you repeat, choking on a cough that burns at your throat. you can feel your head growing lighter and lighter from the amount of blood you’re losing.

he can tell by the dim look in your eyes that your condition is worsening by the second, “i love you so much. more than anyone would ever know.” his voice cracks as his emotions finally spill over.

his head hangs between his shoulders as he sobs, his body shakes with each one that tears through him. you muster up the rest of your strength to lift your arm to cup his cheek and tilt his head towards you.

and suddenly, once his eyes are on yours, the feeling of warmth spreads throughout your cold, damp body. the pain slowly starts to fade as your mind succumbs to the sleepiness tugging at your brain. his golden eyes lull you to sleep, your hand drops from his face and lands on your body with a thud.

neteyam’s heart rate picks up as he watches you go limp and your hand intertwined within his loses it’s strength, “no, no, no, no!” his eyes frantically look over your face as your eyelids fall shut.

“no!” he screeches in pain, it feels as if his heart has been ripped in two. he cries out your name as he lifts your upper body up to cradle you, “please no! great mother, please-!” he’s cut off when his voice cracks and goes an octave higher than it should have.

tsireya cries silently next to you, her hand reaches out to rest on his shoulder for some sort of comfort to him.

neteyam pulls your body close to his, tucking your head under his chin as he rocks you back and forth, “my love, you can’t leave me. i’m so sorry. i should have protected you.”

the boy feels himself growing smaller as he holds your limp body in his arms. this heartbreak is different for him. it feels cold and weighs heavy in his chest like drying concrete. he should’ve put you in front of him- he should’ve taken the bullet for you.

your body twitches in his grasp, making him pull back to look down at you. he leans down to bring his ear to your mouth, feeling the very subtle puffs of air leaving your nose.

before he could rule out your death, his fingers find the pulse points scattered along your body. your heartbeat is weak, but still there underneath your skin.

“she’s alive.” he whispers into the air in shock, his eyes look at tsireya, “she’s alive! she’s breathing!” he exclaims through his tears.

“we can’t wait for them. we need to get her to the village right away.” tsireya stands to run to the water to summon her ilu with a few clicks emitting from her throat.

the animal chitters as it’s head breaches the surface. neteyam picks you up to walk you to the edge, tsireya helps him into the water with you and onto the saddle with her before she takes off back towards awa’atlu.

…

the sound of beeping is the first thing you hear when you wake up, and the sound of your own sluggish breathing. something is tightly wrapped around your right arm, your shoulder, and across your breasts; to replace your top.

slowly, your eyes begin to flutter open, instantly being met with a pair of glowing yellow eyes belonging to norm.

maybe you died and woke up back in the forest.

“hey, good morning. how you feelin?” he asks you before glancing down at a tablet in his hand.

your brain takes in everything around you, all the gear brought in by norm and most likely max too. the marui you’re in is tiny, definitely not the one you lived in with the sullys. the iv stand that holds a bag of fluids that’s connected to your good arm. the amount of mobility in your neck isn’t the greatest, forcing you to only be able to use your eyes.

you can tell you’re laying on a cot with a blanket over your body; a familiarly weaved one.

as you blink away the sleep from your eyes, your memories starting to flood back into your brain. panic settles in the deepest part of your chest, washing over your body like a tidal wave, “where’s neteyam?” your hoarse voice croaks nastily from your throat being tremendously dry.

norm motions behind him with his head, “he’s sleeping over there. he’s been waiting for you to wake up for quite a bit now.”

your head painfully turns to the side to look at your boy, who is sleeping sitting up. his arms are crossed over his chest, eyelashes fluttered shut over his cheeks. he looks so peaceful.

“what happened?” you mumble softly, now turning your attention back to norm.

“well…” he sighs, “you were shot and we had to get the bullet out that was lodged in your right lung. you’re honestly really lucky to be alive.” norm simplifies it with a pitiful smile as he looks at you, “now, let me wake your lover boy up.”

norm stands to take a step towards neteyam, slightly shaking his shoulder to tell him that you’re awake. you notice how is arms are the first to fall, then his head. his body suddenly realizes it’s time to wake up, and then his eyes open. he blinks wildly as he attempts to understand what norm is saying to him.

then his eyes are on yours, his golden-honey colored eyes you adore so much.

neteyam practically shoves norm out of the way to crawl forward, sliding on his knees. before speaking any words to you, he leans down to press a gentle kiss against your lips which you gladly reciprocate; so soft it’s almost as if he’s afraid he would break you.

“…and that’s my cue to leave.” norm shuffles out of the marui to give you two some privacy.

“i can’t believe you’re awake. i thought i was going to lose you.” his eyes refuse to look at you as he stares at your heart rate on the monitor, his breathing hitches as he fights back tears.

“neteyam… you know nothing could break us apart, not even a bullet.” you say jokingly, which he slightly chuckles at.

you try to laugh along with him, but a cough replaces it instead. pain shoots through the right side of your body, but thankfully not as bad as it was before. he frowns at your discomfort, his hand on your upper arm rubs soft patterns into your skin.

“i’m never going to let you out of my sight again. you know that right?” he lets out a breath, leaning down to lay his chin against your good shoulder. he looks up at you with his pretty smile.

“wait, is everyone else okay? kiri? tuk?” worry settles in your chest. you didn’t even get to find out if they were rescued before you went unconscious.

“don’t worry. everybody is okay. scratched up, but okay.” he breathes out, his eyes dance over your face before leaning down to kiss you once more.

before your lips could even graze against each others, someone clears their throat from the entrance of the marui.

neteyam lifts his head up, his ears pinning back in embarrassment when he sees his dad standing there. you can’t help but smile at jake sully, happy to see him in one piece.

“hey, kid.” he ducks his head as he takes a step inside. as he grows closer, you notice the stitched cuts that litter his blue skin.

“ouch. what happened to you?” you jokingly ask him, which makes the man laugh softly as he squats down to the level your cot.

“could ask you the same thing. how ya feeling?” he briefly looks over at his son before back at you.

“i’m alive… and probably on a bunch of pain meds so i’m feeling ppprrretty good.” you softly laugh out, slightly wincing from the dull pain.

“alright, come on in.” he waves at doorway.

you watch as two pairs of eyes emerge from the doorway, belonging to tuk and kiri. the little girl smiles when she makes eye contact with you, running over to your side.

kiri takes her time to walk up to you, sitting beside her older brother as tuk pushes her dad out of the way to hug you.

“gentle, gentle.” jake warns her.

“i missed you.” she whispers. your free arm pats her back, before she pulls back and sits down next to her dad.

your free hand is quickly taken away from tuk as kiri grabs it and holds onto you. “i thank the great mother everyday for keeping here you with us.” her serene voice speaks softly to you.

“i’m so happy all of you are okay.” you feel your emotions starting to get the best of you, a small tear slides out of the corner of your eye.

“we’re so happy that you’re okay.” jake says, smiling m down at you.

“where’s neytiri and lo’ak?” you slightly clear your throat, your eyes darting over the sully’s surrounding you.

almost divine timing as lo’ak slides through the entrance with his mother following, “we’re here.” neytiri gives you a soft smile as they tower over you from the end of your bed.

norm peeks inside, his eyebrows furrowing. the sully family packed themselves so tight in here to visit you, “alright people. let her rest.” norm lectures, ushering them out one by one.

“if he thinks i’m leaving you, he is very wrong.” neteyam whispers in your ear, making you grin.

“c’mon, neteyam.” jake says from the doorway, motioning with his hand for his son to follow. he sighs loudly as he presses a kiss to your temple and standing up. he can’t say no to his father, as much as he wish he could.

“coming.” he grumbles as neteyam looks back at you to smile briefly before following his dad.

your eyes roll back to stare at the ceiling, tracing every tight weave of the fabric that makes up the marui. norm checks a few things by your beside, marking down your current vitals and hooking up another bag of iv fluids.

“you’ll be better in no time.” norm smiles down at you.

the next few weeks go by terribly slow, you’re bed-ridden for most of the time; until norm or max decide it’s time for you to get up and stretch your legs.

even the slightest movement is strenous. as if you just ran around awa’atlu and back, your stamina is just not the same as it was. you can barely make it past the marui outside before you have to turn back to lay down.

today is the day that your stitches are being taken out, finally giving you free access to examine your wound. you crane your head down, bringing your chin to your chest to stare at it. it’s merely a discolored scar, no longer a hole, that is perfectly sealed. almost as if nothing has happened.

you take a deep breath, looking up at norm and max with a smile, “thanks for everything. seriously.”

they both nod and smile at you, “of course. anything for you. we couldn’t let anything happen to you, we promised your mom and you that.” max replies.

the mention of your mother makes your heart tighten in your chest, but you push the thought to the back of your mind. “now, you have to follow our instructions. no exercise, no crazy swimming, you can get in the water but nothing more than slow wading and/or floating.” norm points out.

“oh, and when we say exercise, we mean nothing that will make your heart and respiration rate go up too much.” max adds, eyeing you suspiciously.

your eyes look over them, a bit confused on what they are insinuating. finally it clicks, they mean sex. heat rises from your chest and settles onto your cheeks, slightly wiggling in your seat uncomfortably.

“oh my god. shut up. i’m not doing any of whatever you’re saying.” you shamefully put your head in your left hand, still being wary on using your right one yet.

“okay good.” norm nods with an awkward laugh, “alright, well the worlds waitin’ for you! go out and get it.” he motions to the door.

“yeah, yeah.” you murmur and stand up from your sitting position on the bed.

just as your mind ponders on where neteyam could be, his face peeks around the corner. a big smile forms on his face when he sees you standing up.

you wave at norm and max before walking outside into the sunshine, “ah there’s my girl.” his large hands consume your waist as he leans down to press a soft kiss to your lips. you savor the feeling of properly being able to kiss him.

he pulls back from you, his eyes glance down over your face with heavy eyelids. “i can’t believe you’re standing up right now.” his fingertips softly press into your fleshy waist out of excitement.

the touch is so subtle but it sends a visceral jolt down your spine. all you can do is smile at him and lean into his chest for a hug. the boy wraps his arms gently around your shoulders, pulling you in closer.

“i love you.” you mumble against his warm skin. being the first time you’ve said it to him since you were hurt.

neteyam squeezes your frame under his muscular arms and kisses the top of your head. “i love you.” his voice rumbles deep in his chest; the sound comforts you.

“i have something to show you.” he hums as he pulls away, “a little welcome back gift.”

your eyebrows raise in curiosity, “oh really? what is it?” you attempt to pry, but by the looks of how his face scrunches up he isn’t going to budge on his secret.

“lets go. i must show you.” he unravels his arms from around you to grab one of your hands. he’s gentle as he leads you towards the beach.

the warm sands sinks in between your toes, making you gasp in awe from the feeling. oh how you’ve missed this. the heat of the sun beats down on your head, enveloping your body in a euphoric state.

the shells sitting at the shore rustle under the soft waves, creating natural music as they roll around.

neteyam continues to lead you down to the water. you let out a happy cackle as the sea foam tickles your toes, “this is amazing.”

he stares at you in awe from how excited you are to be with the sea again. the rays of the sun catch your features perfectly, making him want to melt into the sand. you’re ethereal to him.

the clicking noise he makes takes your attention away from the water. you carefully watch the sea, taking notice to something stirring beneath the surface. you almost jump back in surprise when an ilu bursts from the water and squaks loudly at you both.

“you could’ve given us a little bit of a warning, buddy!” neteyam laughs loudly as he steps farther into the water, now knee high.

oh, how careful he is with you. his hand tightly grips yours as he approaches his bonded animal, “you ready?” he glances back at you.

you give him a nod of approval, letting him pull you forward in the water. his hands grip your waist gently to lift you up to place you on the back of the saddle.

has he been working out since you’ve been out of commission? the way he picks you up like you weigh nothing makes your belly burst with butterflies. it’s so attractive.

he’s next to climb up, easily situating himself in front of you as he brings his kuru forward to make tsaheylu. your arms instinctively slither around his slender body, pressing yourself into his back.

“hold on to me. i’m still gonna go slow, okay?” he says to you, slightly turning his head to the side to look behind him.

“let’s go! let’s go!” you bounce excitedly as you look up at him. he chuckles in response as the ilu takes off, slower than its usual pace.

instead of diving beneath the water, neteyam keeps both of you above the surface. the water splashes up on your legs, barely misting you in the face.

you admire the village from this angle, feeling as if you’ve taken it all for granted before the accident. it’s always been beautiful to you, but now you take the time to look at every little detail; treasuring life.

the trip isn’t long, but it’s very secluded from the rest of the village. he follows a saltwater canal that runs between the large mangrove trees. soon the sun is taken away from you by their large branches and leaves.

the darkness reveals the bioluminescence during the day, your eyes ogle over the side of the ilu. you’ve never seen anything like this before, not even in the forest.

“neteyam. where are you taking me?” your voice is quiet, afraid any harsh or loud tone would disturb the peacefulness of it all.

“tsireya showed lo’ak, kiri, and i this sort of cove,” your eyes continue to dart around the new environment, “it sits hidden somewhere amongst these trees.“ he mumbles as he searches for any familiar landmark.

the canal splits off into two, his gut feeling is to take the right one. the water glows blue from the motion of the animal, indicating he has taken the correct path.

the sound of running water grows louder as he continues forward, but the ilu slows down to a stop. “we have to swim the rest of the way. it is too shallow for him to swim.”

neteyam climbs off the animal, standing up since his feet can touch the ground. he’s about chest high in the water as he reaches up for you, “here goes nothing.” you mumble to yourself, letting his hands carefully grab you to hoist you down to his level.

the boy helps you float onto his back, “hold onto my neck. you can’t stand here and i don’t want you to swim too much.”

you smile at his kindness, how he continues to worry about you. your legs wrap around his torso under the water, your arms drape around his neck loosely. you slightly cringe from the tightness in your right arm, huffing slightly from the pain.

“you good?” he asks as he continues forward down the creek, “yep. all good.” you mumble quietly.

your eyes can’t help but dance around. this place is magical, like something you would read from a human storybook.

the soft flow of water that ripples from his movement sends serotonin chemicals to your brain. the sound of a waterfall grows louder by the second, but you see nothing in front of you.

“here we are.” he stops for a moment, before pushing back the dense sea vines that hang from a thick branch.

behind the leaves are brightly colored seawater pools that cascade down into a bigger one. each one is a slightly brighter blue, almost neon from the bioluminescent glow.

you gasp in shock from the overwhelming amount of color as neteyam walks forward. he steps out of the water onto a bank, letting you down off of his back. “beautiful, right?” he’s almost breathless from the view, and he’s seen it once before.

you take a hesitant step forward, watching how your foot sinks into the glowing sand. “this is absolutely breathtaking, neteyam.”

you’re speechless, unable to wrack any other words out except that it’s breathtaking. you dip a toe into the water, almost leaping into it out of happiness from how warm it is.

“these are sacred pools to the metkayina. they are connected to eywa.” he informs you as he sinks forward into the water that sparkles brightly under the motion.

you follow him into the cove, eyes taking in the foliage and rocks that surrounds the pools. “you can be within the great mother here. to connect to her, to pray, to give birth, to marry, and to mate.” the last word is almost whispered out amongst the steam that sits above the surface.

your body becomes hot, whether it’s from the temperature of the water or his words. once neteyam is waist deep in the main pool, he turns around as he grabs his braid off of his back.

almost as if it sensed his presence, a bright pink leave-like tendril unravels from the rocky side of the pool. you watch as he connects his queue to it, bright pink and glowing along with the rest of the world around you.

neteyams eyes flutter shut and his shoulders drop down slightly, his breathing evens out as he relaxes. your eyes dance across his abdomen, following the perfectly etched muscles in his blue skin.

you follow the stripes that litter his body, and the freckles that sparkle in the darkness. your eyes catch the beaded neck piece he always seems to wear, smiling as you step forward.

one of his eyes peek open to watch you shuffle closer, outstretching his hand for you to take. you reach behind your back with your good arm to grip your thick braid, bringing it around to connect it to the plant.

your breath hitches in your chest from the feeling of uniting with eywa. your grip on his hand tightens as the feeling grows stronger, washing over your nervous system with harmonious tranquility.

your breathing evens out, and the ache of pain subsides in your chest. you feel as if you’re floating, or have drank a little too much of the nectar you sneak during celebrations.

you lean into his chest, your skin bursts with tingles all over your body once you touch him. the boy almost groans in pleasure, but holds it back for his own dignity.

you revel in the feeling of your hand gliding up his lengthy arm, feeling every little fuzzy hair. neteyam stares down at you, watching your movements with heavy eyelids.

“i want to be one with you.” he blurts out, making your doe-like eyes shift from his body to his face.

“with me?” your voice is slightly shaky, whether it’s from the effects of the plant or nervousness.

he unlatches his braid from the plant, motioning with a nod of his head for you to do the same. you gulp as he holds his kuru in between your bodies, ready to officially bond with you.

the pink wisps float and reach towards the end of your braid in your hand, begging to connect with yours. you glance up at the boy in front of you, who waits patiently for you to connect them.

you take a deep breath before moving yours closer, watching how intimately the extensions of yourselves wind up and tangle together.

both you, and neteyam, suck in a sharp breath through your teeth in sync. the feeling of your nervous systems connecting creates a deep crater of heat in your lower belly.

neteyam can sense your arousal; he can feel you. how you’re pulsating between your thighs for him, and your nerve endings that make him feel the same way.

“oh, neteyam.” you mewl out, stepping forward to press your hand against his warm chest.

as soon as your head angles up to look at up, he swoops down to catch your lips with his own. sparkles explode, making both of you cry out in amazement.

teeth clack together as his hand presses into your lower back to pull you even closer to him. your hot body against his puts him in a euphoric state, begging you silently to let him touch you.

he leans forward, almost bending you backwards to deepen the heated kiss. your tongues become one as you both grow more desperate for each other, to feel more.

he whines as one of his hands slide up your side, his fingertips feel as if they’ve been replaced with feathers. his large hand hovers beneath your breast, slightly pulling back from kissing you, “can i touch you…” his voice is shallow, with the slight twinge of desperation.

“you can do anything you want. please.” your eyes flutter open to be met by his hungry gaze.

he presses forward, connecting your lips once again to continue where he left off. his hand grips your breast that fits perfectly in the palm of his hand, while his other hand busies itself by sliding over the swell of your ass.

his fingers are so long, they curl against your inner thigh. so close, yet so far from where you need him the most.

you both moan out when he finally touches you, his thumb swipes over your sensitive nipple, causing a whimper to tumble out of your lips.

“i love how you sound.” he heaves into the kiss, making another high-pitched mewl puff into his mouth from you.

the boy gently pulls away from the kiss, keeping your bottom lip between his teeth before releasing it. he watches how it bounces back into place, before swooping down to your neck.

he leaves kisses and tiny love bites under your jaw and shoulder, as his hand continues to tease you against your inner thigh.

he slightly brushes his fingertips against the cloth that separates his hand from your core, making you wail out in shock.

he pulls back from his attack on your neck, his eyes intently look over your face. “i want to make love with you… here. if you’ll have me.” his voice is almost nervous.

you can feel the anxiety biting at your chest, itching to make itself known but you push it away. you’re safe with him, and you know he will always be gentle with you.

“i want you, neteyam. all of you.” you nod in agreement, one of your arms lift to cup the back of his neck to pull him down to your level.

he smiles as you kiss him, grinning like a wild man. he pulls back slightly, nuzzling your noses together, “i love you so much.” he whispers into your shared breath as he continues to keep eye contact with you.

“i love you.” you reply before closing the space between your mouths.

neteyam quickly takes control, moving his hand away from your breast to cup both of his hands under your ass to lift you slightly out of the water.

he presses your back down against a rocky bank over to the side. it sits shallow in the pool, letting the warm water sit dormant against your upper thighs.

the sully boy slots himself in between your legs as he kisses down your chest, careful over your wound until he makes it to the waistband of your loincloth.

his big round golden eyes stare down at you, the look he gives you makes any sort of reservation disappear from your mind.

you nod fervently to give him the okay. his long fingers tentatively hook into the thin cloth to unravel it from your body.

once the cloth is discarded somewhere to the side, he leans down to kiss you. his lips work magic against yours as if he knows your body like the back of his hand.

his mouth strays away from yours, pressing wet kisses down your neck until he meets your shoulder.

“sevin nìtxan lu aynga nang.” his tempting voice growls into your ear. the feeling of his breath washing over your skin sends shockwaves throughout your nerves. “you are so pretty.”

his hand ghosts down your abdomen, tracing lines down your tender skin. at last, he finally touches you, making you cry out into humid air.

neteyam let’s out a gasp as he mouths at your neck. the same feeling transferred over to him through your connection.

a feeling that’s so foreign to you, but something that you never want to stop. you let your hands explore his body as the pleasure sparks between your legs. your fingers dance over his biceps, across his chest and up to his neck.

countless sounds tumble from your lips, your back arches off the damp rock as you moan out his name. neteyam chuckles deeply against your lips from the desperation in your voice, “almost, baby.” he hushes you as he dives into the kiss.

soon his hand pulls away, leaving your chest heaving and the close proximity of your climax withering away. “whhhyyy…” you whine, your thighs clench around his hips to pull him closer.

“not yet.” he hums. his forearm sits heavy next to your head, slightly leaning to the side to unclasp the loin cloth that sits around his hips. he throws it behind him somewhere, not caring if it lands in the water. it’s the last thing on his mind when he has you underneath him.

you can’t help but glance down between your bodies then back up to him with wide eyes. his eyes look over your face, seeing the apprehension in your eyes. “do you trust me?” he mumbles.

you intently watch how his wet lips move as he talks to you, almost in a trance. “yeah, of course i do.” you breathe out shakily.

he grins from your response, “i will always be careful with you, muntxa.”

the new nickname makes your heart soar- he referred to you as his mate. he notices your emotions growing higher, by the way your eyes go glossy. he can read you like a book.

his lips press into yours, passionate and desperate as he situates himself below.

this is much different from his hand, the pressure makes your fingernails dig deep into his shoulder blades. the gravelly sound he makes sends flutters up your spine, forcing your brain into overdrive to evoke more of those from his lips.

you’re the one making him feel this way. desire clouds your thoughts, your legs aid in pushing his hips down until he is flush against your body. he stills for a moment, breathing heavily into your mouth as if he’s holding himself back.

the next few movements of his hips make you cry out in ecstasy. he’s quick to pull more out of your chest, a flurry of his names and pleas for more.

his lips leave marks scattered across your neck, whispering praises into your ear as your body lurches underneath him. he doesn’t hold back with his own noises which forces you closer to the edge.

your body lets go, arms tightening around his neck to trap him close to your body as your thighs seize around his waist. you choke out a cry of his name, feeling his tail wrap around your ankles to lock you in.

his teeth sink into the meaty flesh of your shoulder, a true sign of becoming his mate. you wince from the slight pain, but it’s nothing you can’t handle.

his body stills and trembles on top of you, indicating his release. he pulls his mouth away from your neck, gasping for breath. his eyes examine the two red spots from his canines that pierced you.

one of his hands come up to swipe the beads of blood away from your skin before leaning up to look at you. his forehead leans against yours, noses slotting together. “my love, you are amazing.” he murmurs breathlessly and lays his entire body weight on top of you.

you cackle loudly from the pressure of his body on yours, “get off… can’t breathe.” you throw your head back as you jokingly let out a wheeze.

neteyam sharply lifts off of you, his eyes wide as he looks over you wildly. his quick movements give you whiplash, he sits back on his heels and stares at you worriedly. “are you okay? i’m sorry. i didn’t think you wouldn’t be able to breathe. i-.” his voice trails off when his hands rub over his face.

you sit up in your spot, your legs still loosely draped around his hips. your small hands reach up to wrap around his wrists, pulling his hands away from his face. “oh neteyam. i was just joking.” your voice is soft.

he flies forward, all arms as he wraps himself around you, his head presses into the crook of your neck. one of his large hands cradles the back of your head, “i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean to upset you.” you mumble out against his chest.

“it just- that noise. it reminded of me of everything that happened… when you were.. were hurt.” his voice croaks, obviously holding back his tears.

your heart aches for him, guilt sitting heavy in your chest. “i love you. i’m so sorry.” you sniffle, holding onto his waist so tight like as he would be ripped away from you at any moment.

“don’t be sorry. it’s not your fault.” he shudders, pulling back slightly. he kisses your forehead and sucks in a deep breath through his nose, “i love you.”

you take a deep breath before unraveling yourself from his body, “let’s go in the water.” you mumble, trying to change the subject. you’re still sensitive to the mention of your ‘accident’.

he smiles down at you, his thumb and forefinger pinches your chin to look into your eyes. he wiggles out of your grip to slide backwards into the cerulean water. his hand grabs your ankle to carefully tug you along with him, “come.” he laughs.

you use your arms to lift yourself up and hop beside him. he instantly pulls you into his chest, rocking side to side on heels. you relax in his embrace before he unravels one of his arms to pluck something out of the water.

your eyes open to see him holding up his loin cloth, it’s soaked and dribbling into the water. you can’t help but stifle a giggle into your fist, “so that’s where it went.”

neteyam rolls his eyes jokingly, a smile on his face as he takes a step back from you. he swoops down to peck a kiss to your lips before walking to the edge to climb out.

you watch his every move, how he expertly ties the wet cloth back around his hips and tail. it swishes happily behind him when he turns around and sees you watching him.

you suddenly feel a lot less clothed, crossing your arms over your chest insecurely. neteyam looks down at your breasts then back up to your face, “my love. you realize… we just?” he questions you with a cackle.

you huff out of annoyance, looking around for your clothes he discarded everywhere. “can you please find my clothes?” you whine.

“but i want to see you like that. you’re beautiful. i don’t like your clothes.” he teases you, placing his hands on his hips.

“you know, i can feel my shoulder thumping from you biting me.” you say matter-of-factly with a humorous tone.

“it was just the moment, but hey! now everyone will know not to mess with you because you’re mine.” he chuckles, his eyes glimpse at the very evident bite mark on your left shoulder.

what a possessive little bitch. everyone knows you’re his, but now it’s evidently marked on your body; they’ll know you’ve mated. it makes your belly do somersaults, aching to jump his bones again.

neteyam peeks around at the foliage, looking for your top and bottoms. he bends down in some plants, grabbing a piece of cloth and your beaded top a few steps away. “don’t worry, i got ‘em.” he holds them close to his chest, motioning for you to come to him.

you huff as you wade through the warm water, taking one of his hands as he helps you take a step onto the bank of rocks.

neteyam slides the beaded top over your head, situating it over your chest. he notices how you struggle to tie the cloth on your hips, so he slaps your fingers away and ties them himself. “don’t strain yourself please.” he mumbles, “you know i’d do anything for you. even the simplest things.”

your head falls to look at your shuffling feet, feeling slightly useless from your limited mobility. he rustles with something, the sound of beads clacking makes your head peek up.

neteyam pulls the beaded neckpiece off of his neck, lowering it to you. “no, no.” you put your hands up. you know how much it means to him, and he always wears it. “your mom made that for you. i can’t take that.”

“yes, yes you can.” he pushes it against your neck, but your hand slithers between the necklace and your skin.

“no, neteyam.” you shake your head, staring up at him with your furrowed eyebrows. your angry face makes humor bubble in his chest, he can’t take you seriously.

“yes, y/n.” he mocks you, “just accept it.” he shushes you as he continues to wrap the material around your neck.

the piece perfectly forms around your neck, sitting cold and heavy. this will definitely take some getting used to. he takes a step behind you to tie the leather pieces together, tightening it around your neck. loose enough to breathe and eat comfortably, but tight enough so it won’t move.

“i must gift my new mate something of mine. it must be this, because the only other thing i have on me is my tweng.” he laughs.

“i wouldn’t mind taking your tweng off.” you slyly reply with a smirk as your fingers touch and admire the woven beads.

neteyam laughs loudly at that and throws his head back. he leans down from behind you to kiss your shoulder, “don’t worry about that. you can take it off anytime.” his voice is low, almost like a purr in your ear.

from his very persuading words, you spin around to look at him. your fingers busy themselves to toy with the waistband of his loincloth, “can i right now?” you stare up at him through your eyelashes, craving him already.

neteyam stills from your sudden energy, his eyes drop down to your hands then glance up at your face. “right now?” he asks almost in disbelief.

“right now, please.” you beg, voice shaky as you desperately grab at his hips. he gives you a simple nod of his head, your hands instantly peel the wet fabric away from his body.

neteyam leans down to pick you up, his fingertips press deep into your flesh. he presses his lips against yours, a little rougher than earlier. that’s actually amazing.

your hands card through his braids, slightly tugging at the base of them when your back collides with the trunk of a tree. neteyam blindly unravels your bottoms, continuing to kiss you intensely.

neteyam finishes what he started earlier, but this time he doesn’t hold back. he makes sure every last drop of your hunger is satisfied, giving you all that he has left in him the second round; and maybe even a third one. you cannot keep your hands to yourself, he’s just so beautiful and you’ve missed him so much.

after catching your breath and getting redressed for the second time, you finally start to head back towards the village. you melt into the heat of his back, positioning your head in the divot of his spine.

his body is so comfortable, and the sound of the water is so relaxing- you can’t help but fall asleep. you’ve exerted yourself more than you have in weeks, maybe months.

neteyam slightly shifts, making you wake up. your eyes flutter open to be met with the white sand of the beaches of awa’atlu. “we’re here.” his voice is soft as you sit up and yawn.

neteyam hops into the sea before helping you down with him. you follow him through the waist deep water and up to the shore, walking forward and into the warm sand.

his hand possessively holds yours as he proudly leads you back the marui. you’re incredibly nervous to walk around with an obvious mating mark on your shoulder, and wearing neteyams neck piece.

the villagers that pass you by, stare at you in shock. whether it’s because you’re the girl that is known for almost dying, or because your scent is strongly masked by his.

some of them whisper, and peek at you both through their peripheral vision. neteyam looks back at you with wide eyes, smoothly wrapping his arm around your shoulders instead of holding your hand.

“i think they are jealous.” he hums.

“jealous?” you nuzzle into his ribs, “very jealous.” he replies, and tightens his grip around your shoulders when he sees the chiefs son with a few of his goonies, “hi, ao’nung.” you wiggle your fingers at him lazily.

the boy gawks, his eyes take in the numerous love bites you left on neteyam and the teeth mark on your shoulder. then his eyes travel to the neck piece just as you pass him, “look at them!” one of his friends whispers, making ao’nung elbow him.

you repress a giggle in your hand, which makes neteyam sputter and press his lips to the top of your head to calm himself.

from a distance, you take note that jake and lo’ak are standing outside of the marui. surprisingly, they’re fishing together.

as the two of you approach them, jakes gaze falters from the water to look at you. “you’re back! look at you!” he exclaims loudly, patting lo’aks shoulder while he starts to walk towards you and his eldest son.

“oh wow. they healed that up very nice.” he glances at the wound, before his eyes trail up to the beads sitting beautifully on your neck. he glances at neteyam, then back to you, then back to his son.

the man clears his throat and stands up straight with his hands on his hips. obviously trying his hardest to not stare at his sons empty neck replaced with tiny bruises the size of your lips.

lo’ak turns around from looking in the water, a grin on his face when he sees you. his eyes perceive the situation, and the tension hits him like tidal wave.

his face drops into a cocky grin when he looks at his brother, “nice.” the boy nods his head.

“lo’ak.” jake hisses a warning at his son, making him turn his attention back to the line in the water.

“look, i don’t care what you kids do, i was your age once,” the sentence makes neteyam cringe, and open his mouth to speak. jake puts his hand up to silence him, “but just make sure you’re safe, and please… for the love of god don’t let your mother see.”

“dad.” neteyam barks out a laugh, which earns him a glare, “don’t worry. we were before eywa, so mom should have no problem.”

you can feel your body getting warmer by the second from this very awkward conversation.

“do not tell me what?” neytiri peeks out of the entrance of the pod, her curious eyes observe the three of you.

you watch as her face drops when she notices the jewelry adorning your neck. she takes two large steps over to you, her hand carefully touches the necklace.

then her fingertips graze over the sensitive mark on your shoulder, “you gave her your fkxile.” she hisses out, a bit too aggressively for your liking. her eyes side eye her son, staring at him with silent fury.

she’s mad about the necklace. not even the fact that you’re walking around with an evident bite mark on your shoulder, from her son.

“mother, she is my yawne. i must gift her something of mine.” he explains himself to her, but all you heard was yawne.. he called you his beloved.

she steps back with an angry huff of breath, “ah!” she hisses and balls her fists by her side.

“you are too young,” she points at him, then turns to you, “and you are still healing!”

“what if a child comes out of this? you are not bonded!” she continues ranting.

neteyam steps forward slightly in front of you, “mom, don’t worry about that. we did make tsaheylu.” he puts his hands up in front of him, as if he was trying to calm her.

her gaze shoots over to him, softening from his words. “you did?” she looks at you, smiling softly; almost proud of you and her son.

jake steps forward from behind his wife, his face obviously worried from her changing emotions. your eyes glance over at lo’ak who is staring wide eyed and open mouthed.

when he sees you look at him, he turns his eyes back towards the water.

this is so awkward. being bombarded by his parents to talk about your sex life is another level of embarrassing. you smile awkwardly and nod, “alright, kids. go inside.” jake motions for you two to continue walking.

neteyam exhales in relief, “thank you.” and grabs your hand to tug you inside quickly. “they are so fucking embarrassing.” he hisses once he is far enough away.

the two of you stare at each for a moment, before bursting into a fit of giggles. the kind of laugh that makes your sides hurt, one that’s so contagious that neither of you can stop.

you’re forced to lean into his body for some sort of support, but he stumbles back from your weight. this just causes you to laugh even harder when he falls back into the wall.

your hands fall to knees, trying to take a deep breath. you feel the tears leak onto the apples of your cheeks, but there’s nothing you can do to stop.

unbeknownst to you, jake and neytiri are staring at you two from the doorway with a smile on their faces. jake has his arm slung over his wife’s shoulder, “they really do care for each other.” he comments.

“they are in love.” she breathes out softly, watching you and neteyam with adoration sparkling in her eyes; happy that her son has finally found his mate.

“let’s leave ‘em alone. we can go take a ride on my tsurak?” jake suggests, looking down at her. she nods with a smile, letting him lead her away from the doorway.

you’ve finally calmed down enough to take a full breath, a giggle still escaping here and there. you and neteyam wound up on the floor in your heap of laughter.

his hand is intertwined with yours as you sit in front of him on your heels. you wipe your tears away with your other hand.

“i…” you giggle, shaking your head, “love you… so much.” you hurl over, grabbing your stomach as another laugh quakes through your body.

neteyam leans forward, one of his hands smooth down the back of your hair. his lips peck against the top of your head, making you lift it to look him in the eyes.

“i see you, and i love you.” he mumbles, glancing down to your lips.

when he leans forward to finally kiss you, it feels like the first time. love drunk from kissing him, you ache for more…

this boy, the one you’ve yearned for since you were a teenager; who stole your sight away from any other na’vi boy, never being able to compare to anyone else. now you’re his lifelong mate, something you never would have predicted to happen. you’ll grow old together, have your own children… it’s written amongst the stars, the sea, and in the trees.

you never knew your heart could be this full- to love and care for someone so much; so deeply in your soul.

there’s nobody else you’d rather be with except for him. knowing deep down he is the one for you, and you are the one for him; for the rest of your lives.

—

tags: @k----a27s @aspenreadsfanfic @aliseaaah @bellwhether @xoxobabe @koalalafications @embersfae @mae-is-crazy @softhetixx @minkyungseokie @iwanttohitmyself @neqeyam @lovedbychoi @lala-1516 @jbxws @ancientbeing10 @angrycoffeebean @taleiak @nyenye @vivangothic @theunfortunateplace @jakesully-sbabygirl @urdeadpoet

i hope u guys liked the ending. it’s honestly bittersweet 🥲 if u read this ur a real one & request or ramble abt something in my inbox bc i’m gonna be bored as hell now

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thewulf · 7 months

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Who Did This To You? Pt 2 || Rafe Cameron

Summary: Request - Rafe fic based on song wait in the truck by Hardy. Basically he sees her one night that he’s going for a drive to calm down picks her up and drives to the house of maybe her dad or boyfriend and shoots them... Read Rest Here

A/N: Had to write a part two. Thanks for the inspo @loving-and-dreaming !!

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Maybank!Reader

Word Count: 1.7k+

“You did what?” You tried, but failed at, stopping your jaw from literally hitting the ground as you looked between your brother and Rafe. Neither looked too terribly thrilled to be in the presence of the other. You would’ve felt the same a night prior. But now? Now all you wanted to do was hide into Rafe’s arms. He made you feel safe, protected, secure. A different kind of feeling than when you were with your friends.

Rafe looked away from you quickly. Almost ashamed? Your head snapped back to your brother who looked terribly uncomfortable.

“JJ?” You asked him.

JJ shrugged only muttering, “Piece of shit got what he had coming for him.” Earning a small huff and grin from the other man in the room. JJ looked back up to your eyes only softening seeing your distressed state. As awful as a human as he was he was still your father. Was your father.

“Rafe?” You asked turning your attention back towards the man you never thought you’d have any good will towards. Yet here you were. Pining over the man. A man that even JJ would have to accept. How could he not? He’d quite literally saved your life last night. There was no way you were going to make it all the way to John B’s place.

Rafe sighed looking back up at you with that same softness that JJ was just exuding, “He almost killed you. I just, I don’t…” He paused, sighing once more before forcing a hand through his tangled hair, “He would’ve killed you if I didn’t get to him first Y/N.” He stated matter of factly as if to justify his own actions.

You sat down on the chair surrounding Rafe’s kitchen table, “Wow.” Your brain couldn’t think of any words to speak as it reeled over the events of the last few hours, “What about you?” The panic kicked in forcing you to jump up from the seat and back over to the much taller boy, “Are you going to get in trouble?” You asked looking at him with pleading eyes. You’d never dream of putting him in this spot. Putting anybody in such a spot.

He shook his head before gently brushing your own tangled hair out of your face, “It’s taken care of, don’t worry about it.” He refrained from going ‘too far’ in front of your older brother. Rafe knew JJ was a hothead, much like himself. Much different than the gentle soul that you were. A natural balance to his chaos.

“Are you sure?” You asked once more, afraid you could lose him just as quickly as you had gotten him.

He nodded, “Positive. Don’t worry about it.”

You turned back towards your brother, “What about us? Where are we going to go?”

“I’ll drop out. Get a job. Be your caretaker.” He shrugged as if it was as simple as that. Oh, how you wish it were that simple.

But you simply shook your head walking back over to him, “You can’t do that JJ.”

He smiled over to you trying his best to stay as calm as possible for you. It was natural that neither of you had felt much for the man. He was simply a body that took care of the bills at this point. But that was now gone. The two of you had to fend for yourself just like John B was currently doing. How in the hell had both your dads died within the span of a few months?

“You and I both know I’m never leaving this island. What’s it matter if I graduate school? I’ll get my GED and call it a day.” He pulled you in for a rare hug. One that he knew you needed by the way you were tensed up. He knew how off kilter your life had just been swung into.

“But JJ…” You started before he shook his head interrupting you mid-sentence. Rafe walked behind you giving you some distance, letting you have this conversation with your brother.

“It’s been figured out.” He finally let his bear hug grip on you go before looking down at his phone before sighing, “Look, gotta go pick JB and Sarah up. Going to fill them in. Don’t worry about it Y/N. Let us handle it, okay?”

You nodded, “I’m sixteen JJ, not five. I can help.” Letting out a frustrated sigh JJ just shook his head again before wrapping you up in another loving hug. He knew you needed it. He reserved these hugs just for moments like these. When your world was threatening to topple down right in front of you. He couldn’t bear it. You were one of the few consistent things in his life that always, no matter what, believed and cheered him on. His own personal ball of sun. He couldn’t let that diminish. No, he’d rather die than let that happen.

“You’re still my little sister. No matter what, yeah?” He grinned while punching you on the arm lightly. He didn’t know where you were hurting but he knew you certainly were. You were bruised and scratched from head to toe. JJ tried not to let his eyes linger on the particularly nasty bruises or scrapes. It should’ve been him. He should’ve been there for you. His worst fear come right to life in front of him. The sunshine that you were had been hit over and over again. JJ couldn’t help to feel like he had failed you.

Bobbing your head up and down you couldn’t help but to smile at him, “Yeah, okay.”

“Atta girl.” He walked towards the front door, “I’ll pick you up later?” He looked back and forth between you and Rafe who finally decided to step in.

“No need. I’ll drop her off at John B’s?” He asked as he walked towards your brother not letting you step in. It was odd having a male figure be so caring towards you. Not that JJ wasn’t. He was just your older brother who made you tough. He wasn’t always the one you wanted to cry to. He wasn’t your shoulder to lean on when everything was tumbling down. He was the one that was always there to build you back up. He was your brother. Your JJ. Your world and your starts. Your best friend. The person you needed most. JJ.

Your brother gave him a quick nod, “Sure.” He turned back towards you as his hand tugged at the doorknob, “Text me when you’re on your way.”

“Sounds good JJ. I’ll see you later.” You waved as he opened and shut the door quickly leaving you alone again with Rafe. He was quick. In and out in thirty minutes. Changing your life in thirty minutes. He might’ve just changed it for the better though. It might be naïve of you to think JJ could pull this off but why couldn’t he? He was always resourceful when he needed to be.

Feeling a gentle hand on your shoulder you were tugged out of your thoughts immediately, “Are you alright?” Rafe asked quietly seeing you stuck in your head.

You turned to look up to him with wide eyes, “I’m… Yeah I’m fine.” You sucked in a breath suddenly feeling incredibly awkward under his gaze. His very intense Kook stare you were terribly used to.

He frowned as he studied your nervous expression. Were you scared of him because he killed your father? JJ left you here so he couldn’t be worried. But were you?

Rafe decided to test the waters and reach out a hand to you. Without a second thought you brought your hand to his bringing his confidence up just a little. He tugged at your arm gently knowing you were in pretty serious pain. You complied following his to the couch. He pulled you into his side. He ran his hand along your back trying to calm your racing heart.

“It’s okay if you’re not okay.” Rafe whispered in your ear as he laid his head atop of yours.

You nodded into his chest feeling him wrap his arms around your waist pulling you ever so much closer, “I’m confused and a little sad. But I’m okay.”

He gave your hip a squeeze, “I’ll be here for you. Every step of the way.”

You let his words process in your head before finally speaking once again, “Why?” You just had to ask. It was eating at you, “Why do you care now?”

He didn’t let you go, only held you tighter, “I’ve always cared. I just didn’t know how to express it. Being uh… mean to you made it easier. My friends stayed away. They’re trouble. I’m trouble. You really shouldn’t want much to do with me Y/N.”

You sighed only letting your head fall completely onto his chest, “Yeah sure, whatever. My life’s already kind of fucked up isn’t it Rafe? Why not got all in?”

He smiled down you cuddled into him, “Because I care for you. Always have. Always will Maybank.” He began brushing your hair wish his fingers trying to tame it from the restless sleep you had the night prior.

You groaned, “I suppose I care for you to Rafe, please don’t go running away from me now.”

He shook his head, “Not unless you ask me. But don’t say I didn’t warn you sweet girl.”

You couldn’t help the creeping blush at that nickname he’d given you overnight, “Well, we’re in luck. Because that won’t happen.” You grinned up at him feeling that warmth you felt earlier spread around again, “Thank you Rafe.” You mumbled feeling sleepiness begin to take over you once more.

He kept brushing your hair hoping you’d fall asleep on him once again. Knowing full well your body needed the sleep to help recover after such an assault, “Anytime pretty. You know that.” He hoped in fact you did know that. Even though you’d been strangers moments prior he hoped you knew how much you really meant to him. He’d admired you from a distance hoping the cold shoulder would lead you away from him. And that worked until he saw you broken on the side of the rode. Rafe could never leave you to fend for yourself like that.

You mumbled something incoherent to his ears as you dozed off once again. He wasn’t sure how long you’d be asleep, but he was sure he wouldn’t move an inch hoping you’d get the best sleep you possibly could. He was a goner and he couldn’t really give less of a damn in that moment as you were curled up on him

Permanent Taglist (Message me or comment below if you want to be added!): @loving-and-dreaming @kmc1989 @memeorydotcom @matisse556 @buckylov3r @taygrls @ah-blossom @hardballoonlove @rosiahills22 @djs8891

Fic Taglist: @starkeysheart @f4ll-for-you @thesnailus

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midheavenastrology · 2 years

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☁︎☂︎Random astrology observations #2☂︎☁︎

◈Gemini+Virgo placements - Mercury makes you quick on ur feet. 🤸‍♀️Like y’all are probs the peeps who walk super fast and get particularly annoyed when you’re stuck behind someone languidly strolling. Y’all also get irritated if someone doesn’t understand how to do something as quickly as you- like y’all are super smart, but cut us normies some slack. 😪

◈One time I met a triple Aquarius; sun, moon rising and he was Uranian energy personified. He would tell stories of him fucking with the government, cheating the system and causing mayhem in established structures, like stealing whole ass mini fridges from Walmart. He also didn’t smoke weed but had a whole Instagram page dedicated to weed memes. Lol. Such contradiction, so chaos. Needless to say, he was memorable. 🤡

◈Timothee Chalamet has a 5th house stellium and it makes SO MUCH SENSE. 5th house is star 💫 power, 5th house is acting, it’s drama, it’s also the house of good fortune. He went from nobody knowing his name to “everyone”knowing his name in just a couple years. He also has his 5th house stellium in Capricorn, so he tends to be well respected by his elders in the industry. They see him almost as an equal. It helps that he’s a Pisces moon and life path 9 and that’s old soul energy. I can make a whole ass post about Timmy’s chart 😏 maybe in my next post lol 😇

◈This one’s personal but people with moon in 5th house are such dreamers. Y’all can weave a fantastical world of ur own made up of cherry 🍒 pie, sunshine and infinite love. The marriage of the moon in the 5th house of the sun, actually makes these individuals quite balanced emotionally. Oh and y’all def are suckers for romantic comedies.

◈Sun conjunct jupiter- what is so funny ? 😛 literally feel like y’all have laughing gas attached to you. Forever optimist. You could be hanging off a cliff with a gun pointed to ur head and you’ll still be like “oh this isn’t too bad..it’s a learning experience” lol (I have this placement so I know..lol, my friends tell me I’m their good luck charm and my sense of humor is my superpower)

◈This is just my theory but I believe if you have heavy 12th house, there is a karmic debt that U have to pay in this lifetime. Especially if you have Saturn, Pluto or mars there. 12th house is endings/12th house is karma (12th house is also rly beautiful, it’s the most spiritual house) but if u have say Pluto there, I always imagine you killed someone in a past life or someone killed you. Add mars to the mix and it was very violent.

◈I met someone with juno in Libra in the 12th house and I truly believe he lost his twin flame in his most previous lifetime and now in this lifetime he’s forever searching for that familiar energy 🥺🥺🥺

◈Empty 12th house probs means you got a clean slate this time around. Like u def did some real good deed in ur previous life.

◈ Something I’ve noticed is there are A LOT of Taurus placement celebrities- particularly actors. I find this makes sense because Taurus rules the body and it is a Venus ruled sign. So using your body to express the vibration of Venus. I almost thought about being an actor because of my Taurus rising and 5th house moon 🌝 still possible 🤩

◈ Taurus placements are SO sensitive to smells- like legit, I’m a Taurus rising and I’ll tell my friend something smells bad and then they won’t even notice it. What’s up with that ? Y’all have plugged up noses lol Also could be why Taurus placements are naturally amazing cooks - nose 👃 connected to mouth 👄 connected to brain 🧠

#tumblr astrology #astrology #zodiac #taurus #venusians #12th house #virgo mercury #virgotraits #gemini #aquarius #uranus aspects #spirituality #astrology observations #timothee chalamet

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astroyongie · 1 month

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Why Am I This Way - Psychology Answers

Note: Another one <3 Hope this one is informative

“How Am I” Section

“I Daydream a Lot.. Is That a Problem?”

What happens in the unconscious brain:

Day dreaming has a lot to do with our unconsciousness and with the way we used to play when we were a child.

As mentioned in my first post of this series, Freud explained that the “playing” (as in child playing) were the symbolism of our subconscious and mental structure through the (Ego, Superego and the ID).

To find more about these three components you can read this post:

In his case, Winnicot explains that playing allows us to create a middle world between the reality and the unconscious which in adulthood is translated through daydreaming or creating fake scenarios

While developing the theory, Winnicott also explains that playing/daydreaming isn’t intentional and it helps people to enter a state of relaxation while lowering our inner defenses.

Daydreaming help us lowering our anxiety, our stress and the negative emotions that often pushed us into a overwhelming burnout and outbursts

Healthy daydreaming isn’t dangerous. It is helpful because one is able to lose their identities for a short instance and become something they are not in order to smooth themselves from the reality they live in.

Although some daydreams can be a reflection of inner traumas, of fears and emotions, it is done through a way that provides comfort amidst the chaos.

Although this is a short period of time, this moment of relaxation is actually beneficial and it allows our subconscious to breathe in and out before pushing our defenses back up. It help us not being constantly on edge

Daydreaming is all about finding an interesting balance between the chaotic worry associated with many of life's challenges and the boredom of doing nothing

if you are interested in more of this topics you can check the works of Winnicott and Csikszentmihalyi

So what can we do?

One thing I think is important to yell, is that NO, daydreaming doesn't male you mentally sick and doesn't mean you are suffering from mental illnesses.

Daydreaming is a natural process, the same way playing is in children. it only becomes maladaptive and underlying a serious mental condition when it is affecting your daily life and impacting your health directly or your dissociations.

What is incredible is that Csikszentmihalyi explains that daydreaming can be the key to having a happy healthy life in some way

Because daydreaming doesn’t only provide a moment of relaxation, but also a moment were our creativity can run while, where we can absorb ideas and thoughts of something positive and most importantly, a way to detach ourselves from our own human condition to find some inner peace

So what can we do? Nothing really! If anything, daydreaming is a good coping mechanism as long as it reminds you of the neutral field and doesn't directly impact your daily life.

Allow yourself to push through that creativity, to bring yourself confort. If the daydreaming is too painful to remove yourself from or if it impacts your routines and plunges you into states of dissociation then that's the moment you should seek professional help because you balanced on the negative side of daydreaming

Now, you know where to work to become a better version of yourself

#psychology #psychology facts #psychology notes #psychology appointment #mental health #therapy #maladaptive daydreaming #daydreaming #obsessive daydreaming

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essycogany · 2 months

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Hot Take! Nine’s Redemption Arc Was Rushed

I’m usually positive on this blog, but I believe it’s important to have a balance. This’ll be my longest post yet, so buckle your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Quick Positive Points

I like the idea of an antagonistic Tails. Nine’s amazingly voiced by a VA I recognize. His design is awesome. His attitude and sarcasm can be entertaining. Nine saving Sonic’s skin when dealing with the Chaos Council was nice. The scene with Nine and Mr.Doctor Eggman talking about Sonic is one of my favorite moments. The thought of creating robots who look like the other characters as if Nine still wanted friends was neat. (even if he tried to kill with them) And despite my grievances, I thought Nine’s hug with Sonic at the end was adorable. The animation is what helped with that.

Introduction

While I do like Nine, I’m going to talk about my glaring issues with his character development. I can see both sides of the argument, but let me tell you why there’s more proof of Nine not being well written. I will implore you to think for yourselves regardless of what I have to say. We all have our opinions and I’m only here to share mine.

Nine’s Characterization

This is how the fox carry himself throughout the show and why most of it isn’t written well. I’ll state my issues with Sonic in certain moments too.

Season One

Nine’s reasonably defensive at first when Sonic came to his home out of nowhere. He became annoyed by Sonic’s immaturity yet concerned for him once they’re captured. After they meet the Rebels, his sassiness begins to show. Replying “You’re welcome,” after saving Sonic by taking control of Rusty. Having a direct and harsh tone when advising others to take the Chaos Council’s shard. And not seeming to care about the rest of the group who gets trapped with Mr. Doctor Eggman.

Nine: “Sonic we have to get to the core!” “You heard her come on!” This I understand because Nine doesn’t know them, so they don’t really matter to him. But then Nine dismisses Sonic’s feelings even after he asked “are you okay?” Because he noticed the hedgehog was a little off.

-Because Sonic started remembering the events that happened to him before he broke the Paradox Prism.

After Sonic realized the prism shattering was his fault Nine says, “Snap back to reality! Grab that shard and we’ll sort the rest out later!” Then when Sonic stated the original Tails told him not to touch it Nine states, “Well, I’m telling you the opposite! Now grab it and let’s go!” Not realizing if Sonic is the reason for the prism being small, his original variant might’ve known touching it was a bad idea. I also can’t forget about these lines.

Sonic: “If there’s anyone who’s got the brains to put it all back together, it’s you.” Nine: “That’s the first thing you’ve said that I agree with.” Nice ego for a person who ends up getting Sonic sucked up by the prism after being warned. Back to what I was saying before, Nine seems to only care about stealing the shard away from the Eggmen here. Which is proven later on in season one. His care for Sonic has progressed, but Sonic learns from the Rebels that Nine abandoned them. And it’s never addressed by Sonic.

-Sonic also insist Nine’s “not a traitor” without any proof. Sonic hasn’t known Nine that long. The last time Sonic saw the fox, he ended up getting the hedgehog sucked into another shatterspace. Unless Sonic’s talking about Nine working with the group. But I’d argue it was more for Sonic and his own sake. Especially since Nine left the Rebels and Rusty at the drop of a hat.

When Nine comes to help Sonic, he shows off the Grim and discuss how it’s “Their bright new future.” Wanting to live in the Grim with Sonic. Even after the last time he saw Sonic, Nine knew how distraught Sonic felt about losing his home. Again, Sonic stated he believed Nine could put the prism back together. Meaning his original friends and world would come back. But Nine immediately assumes Sonic would be happy living with him for the rest of his life. Which is sweet on paper but very messed up in execution. I’ll get into why later. To be fair, Nine’s never had a friend before and was bullied for most of his life. His social skills aren’t the best and he isn’t use to caring about others. But even if Nine didn’t understand empathy, he has no reason to believe Sonic would forget about his home just because Nine didn’t care about his.

Nine: “That city hasn’t brought me anything but misery. I owe it nothing.” He hasn’t been around Sonic for long either, but Sonic’s demonstrated his loyalty before. By worrying about the Rebels instead of the shard while Nine did vise versa. Anyways, Sonic explains he needs to save the Rebels. Nine being Nine didn’t care about them, but came to help anyways because he “cared about Sonic.” I’d say Nine only helped because he thought Sonic would join him after getting the other shards, but that’s my opinion.

Nine: “With enough fortifications and enough shard energy, this could be home.” Because of this line, I believe he already knew about the other shards before Sonic. Which is also why he knew what Sonic was doing in season two. He also says, “When this is over, I’m going home and never looking back. Whether I go it alone is entirely up to you.” Still assuming things.

-Sonic doesn’t give Nine an answer for some reason. Only responding with “I knew you’d come back, buddy.” Projecting how he’d expect Tails to act. Which becomes a serious problem later.

Season Two

Throughout this season, Nine helped Sonic collect the shards. Which was a bonus to keep developing the Grim.

-Sonic and the Rebels have another debate on trusting Nine. At least this time when Sonic says “He saved you,” it’s true. Nine took down the Doctors before Sonic and co got killed. I’d still argue it was for Sonic, but Nine still saved their lives despite his intentions.

I’ll also admit when Mr.Doc used Nine, it was reasonable for him to feel as if he had no choice. He even apologizes to Sonic. We even learn how Nine first fount the Grim and see him make a hammock for Sonic. But the positives goes down hill once we get into the shard chase between Nine, Sonic, and the villains. Once away from the Docs Sonic stated, “Oh, things are finally coming together. We’ve got the shards! We can finally fix everything!” He’s still obviously talking about Green Hill and his friends. But Nine doesn’t notice this. Instead he says, “It’s going to be perfect.” Very specific you two. Nine seems to suddenly believe Sonic changed his mind and Sonic still thinks Nine and Tails are one and the same.

Dude even calls the fox “Tails Nine,” while introducing him to another character. What are the odds? Later on Nine says, “If you like surprises, wait until you see what I’ve got going on in the Grim.” Sonic responds with, “Grim? Cool. Can’t wait to here more. But right now, we’ve gotta get to Ghost Hill.” Talking as if if the Grim was an afterthought. Then the two talk about bringing the prism back together without knowing what the other’s thoughts were behind it.

Even if they didn’t have time to discuss things, I think they should’ve explained something to each other during the chase or before Sonic left to help the Rebels in S1. That way the unfortunate occurrence could’ve been avoided later on, but we’ll cross that bridge soon enough. Anyways, after the goose chase, they meet up with Shadow, who reasonably doesn’t trust Nine.

-The Blue blur defended the fox again with his projecting his friends onto strangers self. It’s also weird how often this dude doesn’t listen to anyone while also wondering why no one won’t listen to him.

After Nine put one of the shards back together and it brought everything back for a split second. Sonic: “Reality was flipping out over here.” “Green Hill was back and so were my friends.” Which must’ve went in and out of Nine’s ears because this show has no time for the characters to communicate properly. Instead of listening, Nine interrupts the hedgehog and shenanigans ensues.

After said shenanigans, another argument scene happens. Except somehow, it’s worsts then the last. I’ll criticize both characters. I want to address the “Sonic projecting” discussion first. I know people think Sonic’s wrong for doing it (he is) but I believe he’s doing it as a coping mechanism. Since his friends are replaced by ghost who repeat themselves and a bunch strangers who look like them, he might not be able to help it. I give him a bit of slack because we all know what he’s been through. Prime!Sonic is also a very sincere version of Sonic who instantly feels guilt. Even if he doesn’t completely understand what he did wrong.

For example, in the first episode, Tails didn’t tell Sonic why he was upset with him. He just said, “It’s cool really.” Tails brushes things off instead of discussing them. I can see where Sonic is coming from. What I won’t excuse is Sonic having a terrible amount of trust in Nine. I’ll discuss this in S3’s issues. And the rest I’ll summon up to Sonic never addressing problems which might’ve needed to be addressed. Like Green Hill almost coming back and other stuff I’ve already mentioned. Onto the fox. This argument might be a great time for Nine to explain what his plans are instead of saying, “We’re not making your old world. We’re building a better one.” Implying Sonic’s original world is inferior and he should deal with it being gone.

When Sonic says, “I think we can get it back.” Nine responds with, “You’re wrong about that.” Despite Sonic in the same episode said minutes before, “Green Hill was back and so were my friends.” Did the fox forget? Is he lying? Or does he not care? I’ll go with the writers forgetting about this line since it never gets mentioned again. Which seems to be a trope in this show. I understand Sonic’s done plenty of wrong when it comes to Nine as well, but I don’t see how Sonic wanting to fix the problem he made in the first place as selfish. Especially since Sonic’s not the only one who wants Green Hill back. Shadow’s dealing with the consequences too.

The “what’ll happen to me when you bring your friends back,” issue is never explored. There’s no confirmation on what happens, so this comment basically means nothing. Also, Sonic living with Nine forever is messed up. It implies Sonic and Shadow never going home. And their friends would stay ghost forever. Dead to be specific. Not to mention Nine’s home would be a copy of what Sonic use to have. You’re telling me Sonic The Hedgehog would allow his freedom to end because of a self centered fox who wouldn’t care if he wanted to go home? I could continue, but I’ll stop here. In the end, Sonic and Nine were both wrong. You could argue Sonic never said “no” to staying with Nine, but Sonic saying in S1,”It’s not going anywhere,” was all Nine needed to hear. Sonic thinking Nine would love Tails and discussing Green Hill was prominent when talking to Nine before getting to Ghost Hill too. Dude was completely set on getting home and he wasn’t subtle about it.

To be fair again, Nine hasn’t been in enough good relationships to know who to trust Then finds someone he thinks he can trust. Then gets treated like a reflection of someone else instead of a different person entirely. This goes to show I actually don’t hate the idea of the miscommunication. I only feel the show doesn’t give them enough time to breathe and only focuses on rushing the plot. Therefore having contradictions and forced conflicts.

Season 3

Nine’s first statement in this season is, “This could’ve been everything he ever wanted.” I wish Sonic had a moment to explain why creating a new world is a nice but bad idea. That way Nine could get a better understanding of how close Sonic is to his home and friends. Giving it a sense of importance.He could choose to stay selfish or to be reasonable.Nine tries to capture Sonic in order to get his shard energy throughout S3. In the next scene Shadow says, “So, it was all about power?” (Shadow is the MVP of this entire show) Then Sonic defends Nine for the millionth time.

Sonic: “No, that’s not…” Nine: “Exactly!” Wonderful.

Moving on. Sonic tries to reason with Nine again. Nine: “You were only using me to get what you wanted.” Sonic: “That’s not true.” The hedgehog doesn’t elaborate before or after this conversation. I love how the two barely have a coherent conversation. It’s honestly my favorite thing in the world.

-Sonic tells Shadow if reasoning with Nine doesn’t work, he’ll be “their’s.” Probably implying they’ll have to hurt or kill Nine if necessary. Then Sonic never fallows through with it and doesn’t actually fight Nine. Sonic only uses his shield powers or tries to convince others not to hurt the fox.

After that Nine tries to attack both hedgehogs with a robot copy of Sonic and states, “This time, you’re on your own.” Shadow: “He’s not on his own” Nine: “We’re all on our own.” Describing his perception on loyalty is a detail I actually like.

Later in the season Nine tries to disrupt the bystanders worlds to get Sonic, so they disrupt their agreement. Nine attempts to kill them again and wonders why they wanted to protect Sonic. Almost as if Sonic has been helping them since the fox met him or something.

After constant fighting and begging on Sonic’s part, he tells Nine to, “LOOK OUTSIDE!” And that’s when Nine at last sees the shatterverse breaking and realizes what he’s done. All of this mess lasted 7 episodes by the way. The big fight took up 6 of them. Nine knew beforehand the shatterverse was ending and it didn’t phase him as long as his world was safe. Now he suddenly he feels guilty?

Sonic apologizes because he didn’t listen to what Nine wanted. Or appreciate what he was trying to do. This is Sonic’s words not mine. Nine doesn’t apologize for trying to kill everyone, but to Sonic instead. Sonic asked everyone to leave Nine alone. And asked Nine to not cause anymore trouble. Knucks: “How can we trust him?” Nine: “You can trust me.” Outstanding dialogue. Plot needs to occur, so we’ll skip the part where Nine and everyone else gains trust in a none forced way. Great.

Nine finally helps Sonic even if those problems could’ve been avoided a few episodes earlier and say their goodbyes. The End.

I hate how Sonic had to apologize to Nine about wanting to go home. It’s absolutely unfair. Then Nine doesn’t apologize to everyone else for the havoc he’s caused. What I believe Sonic should’ve apologized for was treating Nine like Tails, but it never gets brought up. But my biggest issue is the only way Sonic called out Nine on his actions was by saying, “This isn’t you!” “Don’t do this!” “I care about all of this. You, the shatterverse, and everyone inside of it. I know you do to.” The last bit being a huge lie.

I don’t make these kind of comparisons often, but Game!Sonic would have everything nipped in the bud. I’d assume by telling Nine, “What you’re doing is wrong. This is why it’s wrong. If you don’t quit, I’ll do everything in my power to make you quit.” He’d understand Nine needed to be stoped and act accordingly. I’d assume everyone would have to make him surrender and he’d be force to fix everything. No, it doesn’t reform him, but I wouldn’t have minded if he didn’t get reformed because sometimes you can’t change people. This might not have been the perfect solution, but I tried. Yes, Nine is a child who was treated terribly, but it shouldn’t excuse his actions.

What’s hilarious is during his last talk with Sonic, he unreasonably guilts the hedgehog and called him selfish. Saying Sonic didn’t save everyone because he actually cared about them. But because Sonic feels guilty about breaking everything from the start. Except Sonic actually admits to messing up which was shown in the third episode of Prime. And took the time to right his wrongs. It’s the most hypocritical and short sided statement in the entire show. And if that wasn’t enough, Nine gets upset when everyone came to attack him. It admittedly was a dumb idea, but Nine made himself the enemy. He didn’t give the gang a reason to trust him before or after his deal with Sonic. Yes, including the end of the show. It made no sense.

Why Nine’s Reformation Was Rushed

First of all, I’m not saying I don’t like Nine because of his negative traits. That’s the main reason he exists. He’s a antagonistic or I’d even say evil version of Tails. Nine is suppose to be distant, selfish, and such. I simply don’t believe after all he’s done and how his character was established that he suddenly changed into a good guy.

Nine’s focus was on his own pain. As he ignored everyone else’s. Including the one person who saved his life on multiple occasions and who (even if it’s wrong) still tried to stick up for him. Giving off the, “I suffered so everyone else should suffer,” mentality. Then blames Sonic by saying he, “put him into this position.” As if Nine didn’t already make terrible choices before going evil. Sure, the shards could’ve been corrupting him, but it’s never explored and can only be assumed. Which are too different things.

These are obvious toxic/red flag behavior and it never gets properly called out. Things are only fixed because the plot demanded it. Not because there was a natural progression. The only thing that progressed was Nine’s uncaring attitude until it magically fixed itself…at the last minute. And I hate that for him because he deserved better. Sonic deserved better. All of the Sonic Prime characters deserved better. But they all fell into the pit of unsatisfying conclusions.

Side Note: What also bothers me is how Sonic is almost the only character Nine interacts with. No wonder he doesn’t care about anyone else. Nine barely talks to anyone. Like Shadow, the blue blur is the main center of Nine’s attention. At least most of the other characters don’t have the same problem, but it’s still ridiculous.

How The Show Is Flawed In General

I have more glaring issues with this show. Sonic Prime’s plot almost never stops to breathe. The repetition is unreal. None of the characters (especially the OGs) get enough attention. Some things are both over and under explained simultaneously. There’s reused animations.

Reused conversations and dialogue are especially prevalent. “This isn’t you, Nine!” “It’s over, Nine.” “Gotta go fast!” “Game over.” “We’re gonna end/fix this together.” “We’re friends.” “Me Beauty.” “We have to take the fight to them.” “You’re even dumber then you look.”

This isn’t half of the repeated lines unfortunately. Some of them aren’t only said by Sonic either. It’s almost as if they ran out of dialogue. I am only scratching the surface of problems, but I won’t go any further. At this point “the show’s writing” is the main issue of Nine’s arc. It’s also why other parts of Prime feels rushed.

Conclusion

Yeah, I have a love hate relationship with this show. It’s seriously hard to watch sometimes. I know this has been a bummer, but here’s what Sonic Prime does right. I adore Sonic Prime in terms of how it looks and sounds. With the outstanding animation, voice acting, music, editing, and sound design. I’ll even say it’s one of the best looking 3D animated kids TV shows I’ve seen. There’s so much attention to detail and quality of the character facial expressions and movements. Furthermore, when the lighting is really good, it looks near movie levels of quality. Not to mention great writing still exists. All in all, Sonic Prime may not be the best written Sonic show, but it does have the most polished animation. Even with its plethora of flaws and lost potential, I’m glad Prime exists to prove 3D TV shows can look fantastic when given enough care.

Stay Creative! 💜

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one-piece-aus · 8 months

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Whumptober Day 10

Mihawk x Reader

"Are you alright, my dear?"

You lift your head off the ground, seeing black dress shoes and the ends of a black coat. You blinked a few times before you trailed your eyes up, finding a well-dressed holding an umbrella over both of your heads and holding a hand out toward you.

"You seem cold out here," the man commented on the obvious. "If you want, I can bring you back to my manor. Staying outside any longer won't be good for your health."

In all honestly, you were tired, your vision was still blurry. Numbness encased your body, you didn't know rain currently fell from the sky until it began hitting against the umbrella, and despite the cold, your torso felt flames burning inside. Obviously, your brain isn't functioning, so if you asked if the man before you is trustworthy, you'd get static.

With few options, because you couldn't make any in your foggy mind, you lift your hand to take his. He pulled your ragdoll body up and gently set your arm over his shoulder while his arm held your waist.

"Can you walk?" He inquired, glancing at you.

"I can't feel my legs," you said, demonstrating by attempting to take a step forward only for your leg to lose balance. You wished these pins and needles would go away.

"Ah, this won't do. Hold this." He handed you the umbrella, and though you tried telling him you wouldn't be able to hold it up, once you had it in your hand, he swifty picked you up bridal style and began carrying you down the stone pathway. "I do hope you don't mind me carrying you, not to worry, my manor isn't far."

"Thank you..."

"It's no trouble, really."

You adjusted the hold of the umbrella, since your hands were now resting on your stomach, the task no longer felt like a strain for your body. Warmth from the man started erasing the numbness that had encased your body and slowly your senses returned to you. Raindrops brought a peaceful atmosphere, and for once, you felt safe.

"If you don't mind me asking, how did you end up washed ashore on my island?"

"I was running from someone..." You gazed down, already uncomfortable from the resurfacing memories.

"I see," he said, taking note of how your mood shifted.

Whoever you were running from must've been bad enough to drive you out to sea in the Grand Line. From the lack of log pose and the rope burns on your hands, you probably got caught in a storm, and with no knowledge of being a sailor or knowing the chaos of the Grand Line waters, your ship sank and you ended up stranded here. You might have some other injuries that need to be taken care of, and you must be hungry-

"Hey..." You brought Mihawk out of his thoughts. "What's your name?"

"Dracule Mihawk."

"I never heard of such a name before," you said, turning your head to glance at him. "It sounds beautiful...Mihawk"

He hummed at your words, sparing you a glance. "Do you have a name?"

"[Y/n]."

"[Y/n]... it's an elegant name you have."

"I think this umbrella might have a hole..." you muttered, a small smile creeping on your lips.

"Hm? Why do you assume so?" Mihawk tilted his head at you.

"Because if I'm...happy now, why else would there be water in my eyes?"

Tag: @bookandyarndragon @roseoftrafalgar

#whumptober2023 #no. 10 #“Can't you see that you're lost without me?”#stranded #one piece #whump fanfiction #whump fic #whump writing #one piece scenario #one piece x reader #dracule mihawk #mihawk x reader #one piece mihawk #hawkeye mihawk #dracule mihawk x reader #x reader #no 10

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des8pudels8kern · 1 year

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If I were to write a Star Wars fic (which I won’t, as working full-time does not leave me with enough mental energy to be properly actively fannish), it’d be an epic AU where Obi-Wan also falls down the shaft at the climax of his fight with Maul, is presumed dead, and then pops up during the Clone Wars as a mysterious agent of chaos whose initial goal is just to rattle and provoke the Jedi into shedding at least a bit of their apathy disguised as serenity and their superiority complex (so, Obi-Wan choosing to help an entire planet of children caught in a horrific war was bad and aggressive, deserving of first repudiation and then probation, but when Knights and Masters order enslaved sentients into battle it’s duty and necessary to uphold the values of the Republic and thus Order?). He’s bitter, he’s angry, and he wants to destroy the Order. Well, the Order as it is. All talk, so little regard for actual decency, and no infrastructure in place to protect the children under their care.

There’d be a semi-humorous scene where Cody (who is... compromised, okay, he knows it, but this evil fallen force user is just different from the other evil fallen force users, okay) comes across Obi-Wan, bleeding from a fresh gash on his head (”What happened to you? - Oh, nothing, dear one; I just tripped.”) one eye clenched shut where the blood is dribbling down, yada yada, they do their usual song and dance about no, you question your allegiance and join my side, and then.

What’s that?

Cody bends down and picks up the thing that’s caught his attention. It’s round, and not quite flat, and ye--- yellow. He narrows his eyes at the infuriating pain in the ass in front of him.

“Tripped, huh? Deliberately, I assume?”

The man’s gaze flits down to the coloured lens balancing on Cody’s finger now, the exact same shade as his one open eye.

“When you arrived, the light of your presence overwhelmed me and caused me to falter. It can be quite challenging when one has delved as far into the dark as I have,” the fucker tries to lie to Cody’s face, voice as serene as the calmest of Jedi Generals fresh out of meditation, and maybe Cody needs to reconsider how trustworthy anything spoken in that tone really is.

Cody throws the lens at him, and the offending item manages to land on his chest, where blood has soaked into the shirt, and sticks to the fabric, staring at him accusingly.

“What kind of nerf-brained idiot fakes being a Sith? The entire Order is after you!”

The nerf-brain winces, then sighs and droops. He rubs a hand through his suddenly tired-looking face. The blood from his apparently actually self-inflicted head-wound that was meant to disguise the missing lens is smeared all over his cheek now, which looks ridiculous and is somewhat worrisome because Cody is used to bloodshed and knows that it’s usually not a good sign when people forget that they are bleeding. It does match the bone-deep exhaustion etched in the other man’s features, though, now that his mask of flirtatious nonchalance has dropped.

“In my defence, I honestly did not expect it to go this far.” He spreads his hands and pulls a somewhat forced-looking version of his usual boyish grin. “I assumed I would get in two, maybe three strikes before the Order went on alert and I got caught. When they didn’t, I decided to... provide further motivation.”

His right eye is grey-blue, as fathomlessly deep as the waters of Kamino, and Cody wonders what can drive a man to pretend to be evil incarnate to catch the attention of an organisation of essentially super-powered sentients in the middle of a war.

Another trickle of blood from the absolutely needless head wound snakes its way down the side of the man’s face, making it clear that, whatever his motivation might be it’s not a healthy sense of self-preservation.

Maybe Cody can get him to take out the other lens, too, so he can check his eyes for signs of a concussion.

And get a closer look at the colour.

...At least now he’s not compromised by a Sith anymore?

#not!fic #star wars #obi wan kenobi #commander cody #codywan #no i'm not one of those people who think the jedi were bad and deserved to be eradicated but they clearly needed some checks and balances #there are more than enough highly worrying events in obi-wan's backstory #and tbh anakin clearly would have benefitted from more mental health resources #ah i miss writing #can't i just win the lottery?#fake sith obi wan

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drpoisonoaky · 4 months

Text

Therapy homework, fire siblings edition

Azula and Zuko have to share moments from their childhood in order to heal their relationship (therapy homework), even as they are there for each other.

In my own personal Azula’s redemption arc, Zuko is there helping her sister in the same way he got help.

So they talk about everything because they’re healing and they need to do it.

[Turtle ducks]

Zuko: I think those two are playing together.

Azula: Or they’re fighting to decide who will become the Turtle Lord.

Zuko: Don’t project your trauma onto turtle ducks.

Azula: I was not. It’s a very real and possible situation in the turtle duck world.

Zuko: I am going to ignore that because I was wondering why you hate them.

Azula: I don’t hate them.

Zuko: You threw rocks at them every time we were here.

Azula:

Zuko: What?

Azula: That we never included me, you know? It was more like “Mom and Zuko and, oh, Azula is here”.

Azula: So I guess I want my mother to give me attention, and my child brain said “Let’s make chaos”.

Zuko: Oh… I’m sorry I…I never thought about it that way.

Azula: Don’t punish yourself Zuzu. We were children. It wasn’t your job.

Zuko: But now we can feed them together, right? No rocks, only bread.

Azula: You really are a softie. It’s annoying.

Zuko: Let’s take the bread.

[Children]

Zuko: Do you want kids?

Azula: Not really. You do?

Zuko: One. Only one.

Azula: Did I traumatize you Zuzu?

Zuko: Yes, but no. If I had a kid, I want to focus on them, giving them all of my love and support. Being the Firelord and doing that for more than one child it’s impossible.

Azula: Oh, you really think about this… I hate to say it, but you would be a great dad.

Zuko: Thanks. I appreciate it. Why don't you?

Azula: First of all, it would have to be adopted, so the kid comes with baggage. And with my baggage, I probably couldn’t be there as much as the kid needs. It’s not fair to them. I can’t put the happiness of some child behind my own selfishness.

Zuko: Cool aunt?

Azula: I’m going to spoil your child so much that they’ll be as insufferable as you are.

Zuko: Of course you will.

[Fire resistance]

Katara: Hey firebenders, I have a question. Do you really resist fire better by nature or…?

Azula: Yes and no.

Zuko: I mean, look at my face.

Katara: That’s why I’m asking. Why do you resist less than ‘Zula? I swear she could be on fire and not notice.

Azula: We didn’t have the same training. Mother stopped Ozai a lot for the both of us. But when she was gone…

Zuko: I was banished when he started his fire resistance methods…

Katara: but ‘Zula don’t.

Azula: I was burned every day in every place except the face. Well, you saw the marks.

Sokka: Why not the face?

Suki: Don’t be rude.

Azula: It was because I was a princess after all, and you know we had to be pretty and perfect.

Katara: And how do you get high pain tolerance from that?

Azula: I guess some nerves died along the way or maybe my brain learned to ignore that kind of pain…I don’t know.

Azula: I hate him, but in battle it’s really useful. But yeah, don’t try it at home, kids.

Sokka: So if we try to burn your fac-

Katara: Don’t you dare, asshole.

[Crying]

Katara: Did they cry much when they were babies?

Azula: I bet Zuzu was insufferable.

Zuko: I was a pretty nice baby.

Ursa: You were nice, but you cried a lot.

Azula: See.

Ursa: And you weren't nice at all, young lady. But truth to be told, she didn’t cry.

Zuko: Lack of emotions, I see.

Azula: Not dumbass, it was for the balance between you and me.

Katara: She didn’t cry at all? What would happen if she was hungry or hurt herself?

Ursa: She just waited.

Azula: Of course I did that, crying change nothing. Plus, it wasn’t allowed.

Zuko: What do you mean?

Azula: Oh right, that was one of the points of our “educational differences”.

Ursa: Azula?

Azula:

Katara: Azula?

Azula: Fine.

Azula: Father didn’t really like the tears. He said that water isn’t something that should exist around a firebender. So I didn’t cry.

Katara: …but what if you did by any chance?

Azula, smiling sadly: He turned into my personal dryer. Goodbye tears.

Ursa: *gasp* But when you were a child he neve-

Azula: Don’t worry mother… It's not your fault.

Zuko: We should try to cry together anytime you want. As a therapy exercise, of course.

Azula: I-…thanks Zuzu.

Katara: And I hope he knows that you are around water all the time and he can’t do shit.

Azula: Of course master Katara, best master water bender of all times.

Zuko: Mom, we should go. They had started their own weird flirting thing.

Katara:

Azula:

Katara: What are you waiting for? Keep going.

[Compliments]

Aang: I know It’s none of my business, but I was wondering why some compliments make you look awkward but on the opposite sides. *Points at Azula and Zuko*

Zuko: What do you mean?

Aang: Like Azula takes it so well when we say something nice about her bending or her looks but she’s weird when it’s not about that. And you get so weird when we compliment your looks or your bending. Like a yin and yang kinda thing.

Azula: Easy. I was praised for everything Zuko isn’t.

Aang: What do you mean?

Azula: I’m a prodigy and a princess. Being an excellent firebender and looking pretty at the same time is or was my job. Zuzu is a mediocre firebender, under Father’s eyes, and he burned half of his face.

Zuko: And ‘Zula never was praised for being anything else.

Aang: But that’s awful.

Azula: I didn’t need to be anything apart from that, Zuko was banished. That’s life.

Sokka: No, it’s not. Your father it’s a piece of shit.

Katara: And I hope we never see him again. No offense.

Azula and Zuko: None taken.

[Giving Affection]

Katara, fidgeting with the hem of her tunic: I don’t know if it’s awkward to ask you that.

Zuko: …Go on.

Katara: Okay, so when you get out of the fire nation. Do you flinch?

Zuko: …Did I flinch?

Katara: General affection.

Zuko: Not really. My mother used to hug me a lot and you know Iroh.

Katara: …and who hugged Azula?

Zuko: Mom before disappearing, I guess? Me on some special days. I don’t know if our father ever did that.

Azula: Neither of them. Did you go to Zuzu to get information about me?

Katara: I want to know “your background” from another point of view.

Azula: I hate that that is a logical move. But to answer that, maybe Ty Lee was the only one. And you know Mai.

Zuko: Didn’t Mom hug you?

Azula: Do you remember that little detail that mother hated me?

Zuko: She didn’t ha-

Azula: Don’t. Please. We already passed that point.

Katara: So it’s decided.

Azula: What?

Katara: I’m now your personal koala, whether you want it or not. Come here.

Azula: But you do more things…

Zuko: And that’s my cue to get out of here.

[Education]

Aang: Wait, really, you know it all?

Azula: Of course, it was part of my education. I need to know history, especially anything related to war, but knowledge is knowledge.

Aang: But Zuko didn’t know anything about the Air Nomads' history.

Azula: We didn’t have the same education.

Zuko: Basically because Azula is a nerd.

Azula: Excuse me.

Zuko: After you did your homework, you started to read about everything, especially history. That’s why.

Aang: So she's more prepared than you.

Azula: I am. While Zuzu cried, I trained or focused on my studies. Time is gold in war.

Katara: You didn’t rest?

Azula: Not really, but sometimes I needed to rest in order to continue.

Zuko: No you don’t. You can’t count that as resting.

Aang: What, why?

Zuko: It’s not my call. Sorry. But you should explain it ‘Zula.

Katara: Azula?

Azula: What Zuzu means is that the “rest days” weren’t really optional.

Aang: Oh, they force you to rest?

Azula: Not exactly…I have to rest because I couldn’t move. Training wasn’t always…educational.

Zuko: Call it what it was. That shitty excuse of man made us fight against him and beat us until we faint.

Aang: Spirits.

Zuko: And I guess me being gone didn’t make him less reckless…

Azula: Quite the opposite…that’s why learning was fun.

Azula: But anyways Zuzu you should learn that so from now on I’m going to teach you history, physics and math. Be aware.

Zuko: Only if we take rest days. Real ones.

Azula: Don’t be lazy.

[Wake up time]

Katara: I can’t beat Azula.

Sokka: But you did remember…Oh, spirits, don’t tell me is a dirty-

Katara: NO.

Katara: Also not in that way, dummy. I can’t get up earlier than her. It's like every time I wake up early and say “Wow, today I really got up early” she’s already awake and meditating or something.

Ty lee: I tried for a week. Then I got tired.

Mai: It’s a losing battle. You can’t beat them.

Katara: Wait, does Zuko also wake up early?

Mai: Every day, like if he makes the sun or something.

Azula, arriving from sparring with Zuko: Talking behind my back isn’t new, but still hurts a little.

Zuko: Same.

Katara: Why do you wake up so early? Both of you.

Azula, raising an eyebrow: Why do you ask?

Zuko: Why do you wake up so late?

Katara: Don’t answer a question with a question. Both of you don’t know the concept of oversleeping or even slacking. Why?

Zuko: What are you ta-…Oh.

Zuko: Lala, do you remember the “If you wake up after the sun…

Azula: …how do you pretend to use his flames”.

Katara: Oh no.

Mai:

Ty lee: That jerk.

Zuko: So we have to stop.

Azula: I’m going to knock myself out every morning, I swear.

Zuko: Same.

Katara: Or instead of me waking up next to my unconscious girlfriend, you could try not getting out of bed.

Zuko: You mean stay in bed until the sun is up so we can train later?

Katara: I mean yeah. At least until you wake up like a regular human being.

Sokka: But that would imply they are regular human beings and we-AH STOP.

Azula, shooting little lightning at him: Sorry what?

Zuko, burning his butt: We are having difficulties hearing you.

Sokka: KATARA HELP YOU BROTHER.

Katara, ignoring Sokka and talking to Mai and Ty lee: So you two also like to wake up late?

Sokka: KATARA.

Ty lee: Yes, but it doesn’t fit the Kyoshi Warriors’ lifestyle. And that makes Suki angry with me, a lot.

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ixiot-ghostrebel · 11 months

Note

Time for brain rot for honkai star rail

Reader as prhopet of aeon that represents the chaeos: aeon of chaos belives the universe as is it is chaotic and becose of that universe is perfect so anyone who wants to destroy the universe or make evryone imortal are enemy of chaos

As for how reader becomes the prophet of the aeon of chaos well that simple the chaos helped readers home planet in deafting the fragmentun monsters and reader and few other are the first of pepoles who chose to take path of chaos

And reader as the prophet has role of spreading the knowledge of chaos to more and more pepole in universe and is good at it

As for reader personality they are kind of like trailblazer or travler form genshin impact but if we chose most of the time the funny lines like calling painon emergency but they can be serious if the situation is died or if some one badmouth the aeon of chaos

Image reaction of pepole like bronya,fu xuan and sliver wolf

OHOHOHO...First Honkai: Star Rail post, here I come! Thanks for the brainrot, @zardas75 ! :)

Btw, I'm sorry—I deleted your previous brainrot due to my lack of motivation :') Hopefully this shall redeem myself!

Some context before we dive in: the "Prophet of Chaos" role is a title specifically for the soul that is chosen with the highest blessing of Chaos—given by the Aeon of Chaos themselves, Khaos.

The Prophet of Chaos's job is to spread word of the principles that the Aeon of Chaos heavily believes in. In Reader's home world, Erisnyx, the Prophet of Chaos also maintains the shrine estate that is dedicated to Khaos.

They don't mind anyone else that do not worship Khaos—so long as they behave themselves. Because they are blessed with the Path of Chaos, anyone who dares defy their words in the Shrine of Chaos will meet their unrestful doom.

You, the Reader, have decided to take a slight detour on the traditions, wanting to see the vast universe outside of Erisnyx while also maintaining your job as the Prophet of Chaos.

Naturally, when you meet others, religion isn't always going to be your first topic. Not even with friends, sometimes.

Prophet of Chaos!Reader with Bronya, SilverWolf, and Fu Xuan!

(Warning: May be OOC!)

Bronya Rand

The first time you both met, you were as chaotic as ever that Bronya was beginning to worry that you might cause trouble in Belebog.

Safe to say, she was relieved when you behaved yourself. Now you guys were friends—mainly because of you throwing your chaotic-self into her life. It's made quite the impact.

She's actually pretty glad that you're in her life lol. She isn't sure how she got someone with a nice yet chaotic balance such as yourself. You were basically the scale, the fine line, of chaos and peace.

When you randomly mention right out of the blue that you're actually a Prophet of Chaos—someone blessed by the Aeon of Chaos themself—she was kind of shocked. I mean, sure—she's seen stellarons and the trailblazer get...you know...but this was a little more different. You were completely normal, someone that anyone would assume to be just one of those "gremlin friends"

"So...Khaos causing chaos, simply because they believe the universe is chaotic and it's perfect that way?" "That's why trash cans are a miracle to walk upon."

Yes, that's how it goes. Your chaotic-self messing up Bronya's brain of comprehension. Not that she's complaining—she loves you the way you are :)

Fu Xuan

The moment she foresaw you in one of her divinitions, Fu Xuan thought she would have to deal with another, and perhaps even greater than the General himself, headache and nuisance.

When she first met you, though, she was surprised. You were not only chaotic, but very peaceful. You were a perfect balance—as if the hexagrams, the stars, and the planets have aligned perfectly, in harmony, forever and always.

Sure, you do give her a headache from time to time, but she's overall glad to have you for a friend (or something more 👀), even if you do do stupid things.

When you tell her that you were the Prophet selected by the Aeon of Chaos themself, Fu Xuan isn't exactly surprised. It doesn't take that much to connect the dots that you follow a specific aeon and their principles—following the Path of Chaos actually fits you, if she was being honest.

"I can certainly see how you fit your role, Y/N. You certainly have the personality and strong will to hold these principles to your heart." One of the few times she smiles, even if it is a small one. The Master Diviner is also highly interested of what you do back in your homeland, so please indulge her in a few stories on her break time!

Silver Wolf

When she first met you, she didn't think much about you. Not until you practically bombed your way into her path.

She absolutely loves your chaotic energy, even if she won't say it. Sure, sometimes they're a little too much, but it's endearing to be with people that interest you, no?

When she gets to know you better Silver Wolf is pretty intrigued of how you became the Prophet of Chaos. Did you have to go through trials? Challenges? Rites? What kind of stuff do you do? Where they that boring that you left your homeland?

"So the entire universe is just a perfect form of chaos?" Though her tone doesn't show it, Silver Wolf's perspective of this entire game that is the universe gets suddenly shifted when you're around now. It's like you can make even the most mundane and boring things into a grand invitation for an epic event that doesn't disappoint.

"Be sure to touch some grass." Silver Wolf also loves your sense of humor. You fit her gamer slang too well.

And we're done! I hope you enjoyed it :) Thank you for being my first HSR fanfic requester, Zardas75!

Ghost Rebel Side Notes: N/A

✦ Check out The Ghost Rebel’s Blog Description & Info Page to See if Their Mailbox is Open! ✦

#honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail #honkai star rail bronya #honkai star rail silver wolf #silver wolf #bronya rand #hsr x reader #hsr imagines #star rail #bronya rand x reader #silver wolf x reader #honkai star rail fu xuan #hsr fu xuan #fu xuan x reader #fu xuan hsr #hsr bronya #hsr silver wolf #fu xuan

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drdemonprince · 7 months

Note

if you ever have the time and space to answer this i'd be very thankful

how can i take any let downs by friends less personal and continue giving people chances/inviting them in and being vulnerable without hurting myself/gettung hurt in the process? i'm guessing the answer is to find a balance, but are there ways to go about it easier? no matter how much i try to communicate and and manage expectations... i appreciate my friends greatly, but still i often feel let down when they cant come to things that are important to me though i understand that things can happen and theres usually reasons for not being able to make something and i am not their priority number one in a system that exhausts all of us- it just keeps happening and i don't want to grow bitter and alone but cherish the people in my life and trust they are trying their best

I think you can start by practicing being more flaky and unreliable and more reliant up on your friends' grace as well! When we feel resentful, it is often a sign that we are doing far too much, and not having our needs cared for. I used to be one of the most reliable mother fuckers around -- it was my senior superlative, actually, Most Reliable! ha! -- and I resented just about everyone for being less put together, less likely to follow through, less prone to doing what they said and saying what they'd do than me. I was a bitter little Type A overachieving cunt who considered myself superior to everyone (in part because my hyper literal Autistic ass believed that if you said you were going to do something, that meant you absolutely Had to Do It and Why Would Anybody Lie about a thing like that?)

Today I am a fuckin MESS and I am a much better person for it. I amble up just barely on time, I cancel plans, I forget things, I tell someone I can't make it even if in the most literal sense I could but I don't feel like it -- and many of my friends are tired, spent, fuzzy brained exhausted messes too! And it's fine! I have some friends that I regularly rely upon to cancel our plans because it frees up a little extra room in my schedule that I always wind up needing. I'm not mad or disappointed in them for bailing, my ass is relieved because I definitely have some shit to get to myself and probably four other people that I'm kinda letting down at the moment. It's not that any of us lack concern for one another, that's just what being a busy adult is in this day and age. We have work and creative pursuits and lots of friends and fucking and exercise and tile to regrout. Shit happens. It's not a big deal if I end up needing to see the movie solo or if we need to reschedule our breakfast date. Shit happens. I have too many actual problems to make a problem out of someone having a hangover and not being able to show up to my birthday or whatever. I missed their birthday last year, but I'll make it there this year, and maybe next time they'll make mine, too. The grace of accepting chaos washes it all away. My friends are my fellow comrades in the fuckin trenches and we each get to make one another's tours a little less miserable by understanding shit's crazy and fucked and that none of it is personal and that at the end, we still love eachother and are doing our best.

With time, may you find that kind of serenity and that ability to just keep on moving in life rather than fixating on the little slights and unpredictable things that will happen whether we fight them or not. Don't read too much into anyone's cancellation of plans or lateness or flakiness. Put your mind toward more interesting problems in your life, ones that some thinking can help solve. Easier said than done, but you'll get there. If my bitter anal retentive ass could become so sloppy and lovingly blase so can you!

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