D&D Honor Among Thieves (but it's Star Trek AOS)
*Kirk and Uhura in a bar*
Barkeeper: Some supper for you and your wife?
Kirk: What? She's not my wife! That's so gross.
Uhura: Me with that? With those lips?
*minutes later, leaving the bar*
Kirk: What's wrong with my lips?
Uhura: They're too big for your face.
Kirk: What? A lot of people like my lips!
~
Jaylah: What is it exactly that you bring to this?
Kirk: Me? I'm a planner. You know? I make plans.
Jaylah: You've already made the plan. So what value do you have now?
Kirk: If the plan fails, the existing plan, I make a new plan.
Jaylah: So you make plans that fail.
Kirk: No.
Chekov: He also plays the lute.
Kirk: Chekov, not relevant. Trust me, I'm indispensable.
~
Bones: In other words, Khan is a real son of a bitch.
Spock: So you blame his mother for his corruption.
Bones: What? No. It's an expression.
Spock: I see. I do not traffic in colloquialisms.
Bones: You're not a lot of fun, are you?
~
*Spock explaining something horrible*
Scotty: Sounds lovely.
Spock: Quite the opposite.
Scotty: I know. I was being ironic.
Spock: I find irony is a blade that cuts he who wields it most especially.
Kirk: Yeah? Is that what you think, Spock?
~
Spock: *referring to intellect devourer monsters* Make no sound. They're drawn to mental energy. The higher the intelligence of the prey, the more likely they are to strike.
Kirk: *after all devourers go by without attacking* Well, that's a little hurtful.
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Incorrect aftg as more things my professor has said
Neil: **offended** yes, I am aware of what a fursona is
--
Wymack: I was worried we would actually be productive today
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Andrew to Neil: You're not a good late night talk show guest
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Wymack: I was born as a 43 year old man
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Matt: how old are you?
Neil: How old do you want me to be?
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Kevin: I’m just sitting here trying to mentally figure out how much time it will take to undo the mental damage you’ve done to us all
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Neil: this is gonna sound stupid because it's coming out of my mouth
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Kevin: You don’t speak in complete sentences and we actually just always assume you have any intelligence.
Seth: He just talks because he has a mouth
--
Wymack: Unless you are a pre-linguistic child *points to Neil*
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Wymack: I need to forget everything as soon as i walk out this door or Neil will drive me insane.
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Kevin: I'm trying to do better at using words he understands
--
Andrew: I can't stand you
Neil: Me niether!
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Hey Kit just wanted to say I love your fic titles! Do you have a favourite or one you’re most proud of?
aww thank you!! the fic titles of mine i'm most proud of are probably the ones that connect most with the material of the fic in a sort of tongue-in-cheek way
off the top of my head, here's a few examples:
use my body to break your fall (yk, cause obi-wan's a fallen jedi and anakin is being paid to have sex with him lol)
come on baby, sweep me off my feet (yk, cause hot air balloons fly but it's also just a cutesy lil title for a cutesy lil fic)
burn every bridge but please leave me a boat (yk, cause obi-wan sorta leaves the order aka burning that bridge but master skywalker says no thanks get back here and obi-wan says yes master)
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*In the firehouse locker room*
Buck: I am a perfectly healthy and mentally-stable human being. Thanks for asking.
Eddie: Buck, you thought a ghost made your toast this morning.
Buck: I DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN! AND YOU DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN! WHO ELSE COULD HAVE??!?
Eddie: Buck, we have a twelve year old son who, wait for it, EATS.
Buck: Chris was at a sleepover so unless he figured out long range telekinesis I don't think it was him either!
*10 Feet Away, now regretting having asked Buck how he was doing*
Chimney: Oh, wow, this is way worse than the weird pining shit you guys had going on.
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