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kentopedia · 7 months

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♰ skipping heartbeats — nanami kento

.𖥔 ݁ ˖🕸️🕷.𖥔 ݁ ˖ KINKTOBER NO. 3 - curse user!nanami

nanami wants to see every jujutsu sorcerer dead, but he might make an exception just for you

contents. fem!reader, nsfw minors dni, sorcerer!reader, rough sex, slight overstimulation, begging, pet names, unprotected sex, villain nanami, jjk typical violence, tw mahito apperance :/, exes, angst, soft dom nanami, wall sex — 5.6k

He was never the same after Shibuya.

It's been two years, but you still remember that October with clarity. Memories blur at the back of your eyelids each night, carving images into your irises; each time you think you’ll get a full night of sleep, Nanami Kento returns to haunt your dreams, then lingers to steal your waking moments.

The change in him had been gradual, subdued. He’d hidden it well, so well, in fact, that everyone had believed that he was doing fine. Even you, the one who should’ve known him better than anyone, had never gotten him to reveal his darkest thoughts.

His succumb to madness was slow, but it was the consequence of a near decade. The burden of a sorcerer weighed heavily on everyone, but it hit Nanami the hardest, years and years of survivor’s guilt and misery bearing on his shoulders.

Then Halloween in Shibuya had happened; Nanami nearly lost his life, and something in him snapped. It wasn’t long after that he left. You haven’t seen him since.

Close to twenty-four months have passed since he disappeared, but his presence still lingers, twisting your world and your life into a den of chaos. No one is left at the school, and there are hardly any sorcerers left in Japan. Those who are still alive have moved anywhere but Tokyo, and those who stay know it won’t be long before they lose their lives too.

Your breath catches as you listen in silence, recounting every moment that led you here.

There is a scream from the other building, listlessly crying for help, but you won’t reach them in time, nor do you have the power to fight back. Despite your endless intelligence, your technique isn’t built for combat. It isn’t a threat to semi-grade one curses, and it certainly isn’t a threat to Nanami Kento.

You squeeze your eyes shut, slumping against the wall as you hold your arm, a bloodied wound seeping through your sleeve. There is no one here to heal you, no one left to help. Shoko moved away from the school months ago, once she realized that too many sorcerers are dying and Gojo is never coming back.

After that, many of the students left too; save for the few third years that had been determined to stay and fight.

The scream sounds again, before it’s cut off, abruptly. Another student gone. Another sorcerer dead.

You’d been such a fool to think you could take the place of people like Yaga, Gojo, Nanami; that you could bring together the last remaining sorcerers in the city. They’d been ones to look up to, strong and steadfast, but you are neither of those things.

You are the weak one who’d managed to stay alive, and the last person that probably should’ve.

Still, you persist, not giving into death so easily. There has to be an escape route; if you can’t save the students, maybe, just maybe, you can save yourself. There is still hope, as long as just one sorcerer is left in Tokyo. The school can be rebuilt, the curses can be exorcised, and things can go back to normal.

As long as you stay alive.

You listen, waiting for another sound before you move, attuned to your surroundings. The doors are shut, locking you in, and it’s too dark, too empty in the building for you to hide anywhere. Classrooms you’d once shared with Gojo open up like an endless chasm, the vending machine you got sodas from with Geto leers at you, and the hallways you’d kissed Kento in…

The memories are so soured.

You’re so close to the door, though. So close, and you can be free of the ghostly memories, and this time, you’ll leave Tokyo once and for all.

There is nothing left for you here now. With each day that passes, you start to realize more and more that no one is coming back. They’re all gone, and Nanami is not the man he’d once been.

You shuffle along the wall, trying to stay hidden in the shadows, away from the lights that flicker up above, destroyed by the veil of cursed energy. While your entire life has been a cacophony of evil, never before have you felt, so intensely, that you’re in a horror film. You are the final girl, ironically, without an ounce of heroine vigor.

All you have is a sliver of willpower to stay alive; just a few feet away, and you’ll be there, outside, able to escape from this pit of hell.

It’s so close—but not close enough.

“There you are!” a voice cries out, ringing like a jovial song through the hallways. It is eerily familiar, much too high-pitched and enthusiastic for such a brutal warzone. “We’ve been looking for you.”

You turn, shoulders stiff as you try hard not to freeze. Behind you, a young curse stands casually, his blue hair rolling over one of his shoulders, a stitched face smiling at you evilly. He’s pleased to see you, that much is obvious, and he prances over to you, fingers waving in the air.

“Oh, I can’t wait! I have to make you last because we’re running out of sorcerors to play with!” The tone is horrifyingly amused, more frightening than Geto in his final hours, of any of the clan higher-ups, even of Gojo at his absolute worst.

It’s the tone of someone who feels nothing, who cares about nothing, and who will enjoy watching you bleed.

You open your mouth, throat dry as you scramble for words, for a way to defend yourself. Three seconds stretch out into a minute while you contemplate, but Mahito is already upon you, his eyes flashing with excitement.

This would be it, wouldn’t it? How poetic that this wretched curse would be the one to kill you, after he took everything from you two years ago.

He advances; but something stops him, another aura. It’s not as powerful, but it’s much more commanding, much more human.

“Mahito.” The tone is forceful, flat, without any nuance of sound. It comes from behind you, and you stiffen, knowing from the simple string of letters who it is. The sound of the voice has something unfurling in your chest, choking you, rendering you helpless. “Don’t touch her.”

“Why?” Mahito whines, curling his fingers around your hair, his cursed face and energy too close, too frightening for you to move. “There’s no one left to kill. What am I supposed to do now?”

“Find something.” Nanami’s to you in just a few steps, and you can feel his presence behind you, the voice that slowly sneaks up on you. He smells the same as he did back then, and you squeeze your eyes shut, try to remember that he’s not Kento anymore, and whoever he is, you don’t love him.

You can’t.

“I’ll take care of her.”

Mahito grumbles, but after a few seconds of staring down Nanami, he leaves, skipping off to some other corner of the school. It’s disgusting how pleased he is by the murders he’s committed, but why shouldn’t he be? If his goal is to rid the world of sorcerers, he’s done quite well at accomplishing it.

Which meant every one of your students is dead. Which meant any remaining sorcerers are gone for good. There isn’t a jujutsu sorcerer left in Tokyo but you, and even though you need to call for help, no one can get here fast enough to save you.

Nanami, slowly, comes around to glower before you, standing too close, his breath ghosting your shoulders. You feel his gaze like daggers, dragging over every inch of you, regarding you with a thinly veiled disgust.

You’re not ready to face him, not after all the time you’ve been apart, but you don’t have a choice. He’s in front of you within seconds, looking down at you from the bridge of his nose, his hair mussed, but still in the same style that he’d worn two years ago.

It is, really, the only thing about him that hasn’t changed.

“How the hell did you end up back here?” That’s the first thing he says, the tone crazed and so opposite of the flat inflection his voice had always held. The sound leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, and you twitch, trying to keep your expression from shifting. Not even a simple greeting before he’s already mocking you, judging your poor choices, the ones that will get you killed.

You say nothing, but regard him with a dry mouth, letting your eyes drift across his broad shoulders, down his chest. He’s covered in blood, stained deep maroon—evidence of his murders, the color so different than the gore of curses.

The old beige suit is gone, replaced by an expensive black one, tailored perfectly to every angle of his body. Nanami has traded in the blue button-up for a crisp burgundy one, and though the tie is different, it’s recognizable.

You’d gotten him that tie for his 28th birthday, one of black silk embossed with flowers, tiny white ones woven within the vines. You’d purchased it on your trip abroad.

It makes you sick. You’re not sure how long you can look at him without expelling the contents of your stomach.

“You know,” he says, not waiting for you to answer as he walks around, swinging his weapon that is now used for evil. “I thought that maybe when I left, you’d decide to do something with your life.” His irises that are now so dark, nearly black, pin you. Gone, too, are the old glasses, exposing his severe, narrowed eyes. “You stayed in Tokyo to rot.”

“What choice did I have?” you ask, wishing you could speak without your voice cracking. Yet, when Nanami stalks you like prey, calculating, the familiar blade in his hands, you feel a flare of fear start up in your stomach.

You don’t know the man before you. He’s beautiful, as handsome as you remember. Yet, he stares at you with disdain, and he’s cruel, so cruel. His lips are hardened into a permanent scowl, seeping through his merciless laugh.

“Well,” Nanami stops pacing and stands in front of you, running a hand down the side of the cursed tool, thoughtful. “I had hoped you’d come with me, but I knew better than to ask. Your moral convictions would have prevented that, darling.” A smile drips with poison as your steadfastness falters, the name sliding smoothly off his tongue, something about it still so sweet, even with his malice. “You always were too good for me.”

That isn’t true, at least, not in your mind. He had been a good man once, the very best. Maybe you could’ve done something to stop this, to help him. Yet, as many times as you run it over in your mind, even you can’t pinpoint the exact moment he’d fallen.

“You’re right,” you say, grateful that your voice sounds a little stronger, a little harder. “I never would’ve come with you. You’ve killed our friends. You’ve killed children, Nanami.”

Something shifts between you; his eyes widen as he takes another pace forward, nothing but inches separating you. Against every intelligent cell in your body, your heart skips, breath catching at his proximity.

“Nanami?” he asks, eyebrows pulling together with a sigh. The air grows stagnant around you as he notices the lack of warmth behind your apathetic eyes. “Here I thought you’d still call me by my name. We did once share a bed after all.”

“That means nothing to me now,” you spit, wishing he would stop staring at you with such hunger. You’ve never been immune to him, and you’re not sure you are now, not sure that you won’t waver at his feet, if even out of panic. He’s so solid before you, a resolute being of power. Perhaps he’s even stronger now than he was before. “Look at you. I don’t know who you are.”

Nanami points the sword at your throat, and though it’s blunt, not sharp enough to do any damage, you still weaken in the knees, stare back at him with something akin to dread. Your eyes are wide, but your breath comes out steady as your hands shake by your sides.

“I’m the person who decided to do something, finally.” Nanami raises his voice, every word punctuated by years of repressed anger. “Sorcerers grumbled for decades, centuries, but no one made any effort to make a change.” His jaw clenches as he drops the weapon back down, sniffing with abhorrence. Nanami’s in your personal space, his breath hot on your cheeks, and you feel tears well up in your eyes, even when you’re not sure why. “Even Gojo Satoru, who claimed to hate the higher-ups, who saved Yuuji Itadori, did little. I’m the person who realized that nothing’s going to change, not unless the system is burned from the inside out.”

A twitch starts from your heels, rising as he glares down at you. His features are tense, every muscle in his body taut. Still, there’s something about him. There’s something about the way he’s wearing the tie you once bought him, as familiar as the tall, strong frame that leers over you.

“There’s none of us left, Nanami,” you say, blinking away those tears, even though he’s already spotted them, the corner of his lips quirking with a crazed glint to his eyes. “You’ve made sure of that.”

“Then a new order of sorcerers can build its way from the ground up.” Nanami leans forward, his face near yours as he cocks his head. “I’ve succeeded.”

You squeeze your fingers into your shirt, twisting them around the stiff cotton tightly. Your heel slips just one inch back, away from him, and the movement doesn’t go unnoticed by your ex-lover.

He scoffs, a smirk widening.

“What’s wrong?” Nanami says. A veiny hand snakes between you, and he cups your cheek with a softness that goes against every fiber of what he stands for. “Are you afraid of me?”

Your lips part, but words don’t come out. Instead, you blink up at him with glossy eyes, your heart hammering in your chest.

“You probably should be,” he continues, his fingers brushing your jaw, luring you in, a security blanket that he will snatch away once you get comfortable. “I’ve ruined your life.”

The room feels colder than it did before, as terror starts pressing down on you, your entire body shaking with anxiety. Still, your eyelids flutter at his touch, every cell within you reacting out of muscle memory, weakened by the killer’s touch.

“A life that you once promised to protect.”

He smiles, and it’s so cold, a rival only to the devil's, even though it ignites a flame in your chest. “Why do you think I saved you for last?”

Your eyes burn with tears.

“Still as pretty as I remember,” Nanami hums on the edge of a sigh, and his gaze darts all over your face, searching for a secret buried there. His tone is rough, but, somehow, there’s an ounce of affection there too, like a part of him is still holding onto the near decade you were together. It’s no consolation, but it gives you some satisfaction; at least it meant something. “You have a new boyfriend?”

You turn hot all over at the way he grins at you, watches the flush form on your face as your eyes fly open. Nanami has you in the palm of his hand, easily, and whatever happens, it’ll be up to him. “N-no,” you stutter, his thumb sliding over your mouth, knocking against your teeth.

His grin is wild, predatory. “I knew I’d ruined you for anyone else.”

A breath catches in your throat, and your chest rises and falls heavily from the wave of desire that goes straight to your stomach. You feel as if your knees might give out, that you might need to grab onto him, just to stand upright.

It’s sickening, and you hate yourself, hate how much you want him, even though he’s the one that killed the people you care most about.

“Kento?” you ask in a small voice. “Are you going to kill me?”

“I don’t know.” He softens, just a hair, and easily, he’s back to the man you remember, the sweet, caring one you thought you’d marry one day. “I probably should… but I think I might just fuck you instead.” The words are muttered against your lips, and you stumble forward, gripping his strong biceps, a feeble attempt to keep from puddling at his feet.

His face clears once again, stoic, and harsh. Maybe it’s all a ploy to get you in his arms, to weaken you even further, but you don’t care. You’ve missed him, you’ve missed him so much, and you’d die to kiss him one more time. The blood on his face doesn’t matter; nothing matters except how much you once loved him, the love that never went away, even in the times you wanted to hate him.

You wonder whether or not Satoru would sympathize if he was here. Maybe he’d understand why you never went after Nanami and holed yourself up in the school instead. Although you tried to protect your students, you could never act out of violence, and that had cost you everything.

You know you've made mistakes, perhaps more than anyone, but you can’t control your heart; it’s a heart that is caged by steely ribs, and still the possessor of your fragile mind.

“Kento,” you say, running your hands all over him, the muscles that have only hardened, grown with time. “I miss you.”

It’s nothing more than a whisper, but it still changes his entire demeanor, turns him into something desperate. Kento comes on twice as strong; every caress sends a wave of need through you. When you whimper, toppling under his gentle touches, he kisses you hard, pushes you backwards into the wall.

The taste of his lips is almost too much, a conflict of memories piling onto you, transporting you into a version of yourself that is two years younger, much more hopeful. You kiss him like you’re twenty-two, unsharpened by the world, because despite what you have suffered, life was better seven years ago than it is now.

The illusion is short-lived, though; Kento is rougher than he used to be, and he shoves you hard, bruises your lips. His tongue forces its way into your mouth, sloppy kisses smearing saliva all over your cheeks.

He may not be as kind as he once was, but you’ll never be able to deny your attraction for him.

“Fuck.” Kento unzips his slacks, palming at the bulge that already lies within the tight material. “Look what you do to me, baby.” It catches you off guard; he’s never called you that before, never sounded so lewd instead of loving. “Think I started getting hard the second I saw you. Remember the last time I was inside you?”

You groan against his lips, breathing heavily as you thread your smaller hands in his hair. He tastes like alcohol, and you know that he’s always enjoyed a drink, but it was never this prominent on his tongue. That observation alone makes you wonder what else about him has changed; if he sleeps on the same side of the bed now that you’re gone, if he likes to read just as much as before, if he still takes his coffee with just a splash of milk.

The thoughts hurt, searing a hole through your chest. You try to ignore them.

As you kiss, Kento manhandles you backwards, his fingers spread over your collarbones. Your back hits the wall, a ghoulish crack reverberating throughout the room. It hurts, but the pain is outweighed by the feeling of him all over your body, the sheer anticipation for him to touch you like you need.

“Want you,” you say, as his hands clamp around your delicate wrists, pinning them against the wall. Kento’s palms are so much bigger; he’s so strong that it’s devastating. You have no choice but to let him take from you, to kiss down your neck and leave a bruise you won’t be able to cover up in the morning. “Please.”

“Dirty girl,” he laughs, breathless against your throat, the sound vibrating against the strained tendons there. Hastily, he spins you around, forces your face into the wall, your chest pressed into it. Your cheek is cold, smashed into your bone against the plaster. “I’ve killed everyone in this building, and here you are, begging me to touch you.”

The rough tone sends desire coursing through you, and you cry out against the wall as arousal bleeds out of you. Kento kisses you, across your shoulders, his cock pressing up against you, hard and thick.

A groan releases into your ear, and you squirm, rubbing your thighs together in anguish. Begrudgingly, Kento lets one of your wrists go so that he can drag your skirt down, leaving you with shivering legs in the cool October evening.

You reach back to grab at him, desperately needing him inside of you; but he stills you with his hand, laughing eagerly into your skin.

“So impatient. Thought I taught you better than that.” Though, he drags your panties down quicker, lets them pool at your ankles along with the dark-colored skirt. It’s obvious he wants you just as much; he wastes no time dragging a hand down his cock, the tip already beginning to leak.

“Kento,” you say against the cold wall, throbbing, swallowing down all your need for him. It’s too dark for you to see every one of his pretty features, but his shadowy eyes gleam ruthlessly in the moonlight. “Let me kiss you again—”

Kento tsks and shakes his head, brushing your hair over one shoulder. “Now, that can’t happen. You’ll fall in love with me again too easily.” A laugh forces its way out of his chest, and you hate that the sound creates pressure in your body. You’re already in love with him, but his grip is too tight on you; you can’t kiss him, even though you want to.

A finger runs between your folds as Kento reaches between your legs, gathering slick in the process. His skin is cold, and you whimper; he used to be so warm, a natural furnace. Yet, he’s teasing you now, listening to your breathy little whispers as you lean back into him.

Without thinking, you grasp his hand with your own, slide it forward as the veins and tendons flex under your palm. This time, he complies; he lets you push his fingers into your cunt, much thicker and longer than your own.

“Oh sweetheart,” he says, full of scornful sympathy, so contrary to the soft kisses on your neck. “You’re soaked. Have you really missed me that much?”

Your breath grows hot, heavy as he sinks his fingers deeper into you. You think about how much you loved him two years ago, and how much you still do.

Everyone you care about is gone, everyone but him. Perhaps Kento is the only one who’s truly ever mattered, because even if you’d been asked to kill him, you never would’ve done it, never could’ve; you’re not strong enough.

That’s where you and Satoru differ.

Kento slides his fingers in and out, stretching you, brushing against your swollen clit that’s begging to be touched by him. He bites down hard on your shoulder, blooms a bruise there and marks you as his forever, even if you’d never be anyone else’s anyways.

Already, you feel your climax building; you’re breathing heavier, crying out his name in a voice that doesn’t quite sound like your own. “I’m c-close,” you manage, and that is the wrong thing to say. He stills all at once and slips his fingers out of you, a web of arousal smeared over his knuckles.

Between your legs, you’re sticky, cold, but you barely notice. Your attention is directed on how aching and empty you are when his hands leave your body.

With a whine, you force your hips backwards, hating the chill that surrounds you all at once. “I wanna cum—”

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Kento smiles against your neck and drags his cock against the small of your back, swollen and hard. “But I know you can ask much nicer than that.”

You squeeze your eyes shut, “please, Kento, please, please, I need you, I—”

“There’s my good girl.” A breathy laugh leaves him as he angles the tip against your entrance, slow, pressing into you. “Fuck,” Kento groans, loudly, drawing out the syllables. “Squeezing me so tight, baby, you’ve been waiting just for me?”

“Ken—” you say, and it’s all you can manage, the little nickname that no one’s ever called him but you. Kento buries himself inside you, his hot, muscular chest pressing into your back, pinning you against the cold wall. He’s so much bigger and wider, and his body encases you, shielding you from the agony that he’s dealt with his own hand.

You’re not sure if you can stand on your own — not under the weight of your solid and forceful affection for him.

“I know, I know," he says to the sweet sounds that escape you. "I’ve got you.”

Kento reaches around and cups your breast, squeezing hard. His thumb flicks over your nipple, the nail dragging against it cruelly as he swirls over the padded bra. Still, his blanketed touch is electrifying; your fingers curl into the wall, smooth, clawing without anything to grab onto.

He fucks into you, slowly, his strained cock rough against your walls. It’s just as you remember, and you long for your old life, wishing that there was a sorcerer out there whose technique could somehow turn back time. Then, you’d do something different, even if you’re not sure what.

With each thrust, his speed increases, hitting deeper and deeper inside you. Kento’s groans are so pretty, and tears roll down your cheeks at the feeling of him within you, surrounding you, the man you still touch yourself to at night, even when he’s a cold-blooded killer.

“It’s been a while since anyone’s fucked you like this, hm?” Kento says, cooing, almost sorry, even if he doesn’t realize how true that is. You feel dizzy with him, the sound of his syrupy voice, so deep and invigorating. “Need to cum so bad, don’t you, pretty?”

“Please,” you say, and you almost tell him you love him, almost let it slip, even though it can’t. This is nothing, this is nothing, this is nothing, you try and tell yourself, but you’re too distracted by the sounds, the utter sin that you’ve committed here in this school.

You’ve betrayed everyone, and you’re still betraying them now, your weak heart nothing but a burden.

Kento says your name, groans it around your ear as he presses harder into your body. His cock angles upwards, forces itself past your aching walls, and, he’s buried in you completely. There’s a lingering sting, a bitter pain, but Kento feels like home. Your stomach tightens, bursting with energy.

“You’re so perfect, aren’t you? So beautiful. Always take it like you were made for my cock,” he groans, and you suck him right back in, clamping around him tightly. “I missed this pretty pussy; maybe as much as I missed you.”

Tears well up in your eyes then, and you sob, reach around to grab his hair. You need to feel him all around you, remember what it was like for him to love you in return.

He hits a spot within you, and you arch into him, crying, a mess between your legs and on your face.

“There?” Kento says, but he already knows the answer, grinning as he kisses your cheek, your temple. “How could I ever forget the sweet sounds you make when you’re about to cum.”

You press his head closer, feel him kiss your neck again, softer this time, lovingly. He runs a delicate hand across your ribcage, your stomach. “You going to let go for me, angel? Surprised you lasted this long after two years. Think my sweet girl deserves it.”

“K-kento,” you whisper, but his name doesn’t get far; it’s cut off by your moan as he rips the orgasm from you, and you clench around him tightly, shaking.

“That’s it,” he says and shudders, grunting as he forces out the words. Your body jerks involuntarily into him as you slump against the wall, trapped between it and Kento. Already, you’re so sensitive, and your tears don’t stop falling as he pushes his cock into you again and again.

Kento’s heart is heavy within his chest, pounding against your back. You feel sick, helpless, missing him endlessly, even with him right at your fingertips. You can’t believe that you’ve lasted two years without him; how can you survive a lifetime?

“Take me with you,” you plead, your eyelids fluttering close as you try and remember the feeling of him, memorizing it in case this is the last time. “Please.”

“Can’t do that, sweetheart.” Kento jerks back into you, forcing your cheek further against the wall. His hand is stiff against your head, even though he strokes your hair gently, encouraging. “I’m supposed to kill you, remember? I’m supposed to rid the world of every last sorcerer.”

“I need you, Kento,” you cry, feeling close to another orgasm already. Tears are running down your cheeks, your lips wet with spit as your mouth parts. “Just like it was before. I love you; I love you so much, I’ll be so good, I’ll—”

Kento groans your name and cums inside you, thick ropes painting your insides. It’s too much, everything about this is too much, and you’re squeezing him again, painfully sensitive as you orgasm once more.

Nonsense spews from your lips, and you grab at him in desperation as he finally drags out of you, the absence of him shattering you completely. Your inner thighs are sticky and wet, and his cum drips down your thighs, leaving you nothing more than a cold, ruined mess.

Kento shushes, soothes you with sounds that are closer to taunts as you spin around, grab at him, claw at his wrinkled red shirt. There’s still blood on his face, but even then, you accept him; you’ll forgive him for every wrongdoing he’s committed if he lets himself love you once more.

“I want to go with you,” you say, and though his face is hard, he’s caressing your cheek with an opposite sort of touch, sadness in his weary eyes.

“I know you do,” he says, and there’s a conflict within him as his features contort. It’s the only evidence that maybe, deep down, he cares about you still. “But I’m not the man you want. Not anymore.” It’s a whisper, a prayer, and goodbye.

You nearly slap him as he straightens, inches away from you. You feel that you’ve been pushed into a pit of inky chaos, left soaked and naked from the way down, humiliated. Your cheek is red from where it was pressed into the textured paint, stinging from the pressure.

“Kento, please,” you beg, and he takes a step back, hardening his eyes. “You can’t leave me again. I’d rather die. I’d rather you kill me.”

You’re not sure which of the statements snaps him back into himself once more.

Kento blinks, then lets a cold smile filter onto his face, one that lingers darkly on every corner of his expression. A smear of blood remains on his sharp cheekbone, and he wipes it clear, grazing his eyes along your body in a way that makes you feel so small. You’re nothing to him, then; even though you had been once.

“Oh, I decided I won’t kill you this time,” he says, pushing his hair back into place as his spine goes rigid, straightening like a marionette string. “I want to make sure I have a pretty girl to come back to every now and again.”

“What?” It leaves you forcefully, and you’re choking in shame, because you hope the words are true. You can’t stand a life without Nanami Kento, even if that life is nothing more than seeing him in the cracks of moonlight, the shadows where no one knows he’s lurking. You’d take that before a lonely existence, void of the sweet lips of the devil that you pray to.

“I’ll leave Tokyo,” you shout, red-faced and teary eyed, your words nothing more than empty threats. “I’ll leave the country. You’ll never find me.”

Nanami grins, laughs at you coolly, a sound that chills you to the core. “Oh, I’d find you.”

You don’t have time to formulate a response. A breath forces its way out of you, but the wretched curse reveals itself from the corner of the room, stopping any words from escaping your lips. His eyes hungrily roam every inch of you, lingering on the lower half of your exposed body; you wonder how long he’s been there, watching, not saying a word.

“Are you done yet?” Mahito asks, dragging his lurid gaze away to face Nanami. “You’ve had your fun, let’s kill her now.”

Nanami’s eyes flash. “Leave her,” he says, scoffing. “She’s already as pathetic as it gets. Killing her won’t make a difference.” He spits the words coldly, and turns, following the curse out of the room

tags: @hannzai @cha0thicpisces @kissesmellow21 @sukiischaotic @hinata7346 @annoyingpainterprincess

I GOT SO NERVOUS TO POST THIS ONE SHDHFHS

OCTOBER MASTERLIST

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messiahzzz · 7 months

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i have been thinking a lot about mystra’s relationship with gale, how reducing her to “his ex” really is an understatement. she was and still is so much more than that. moreover, using the term “ex-girlfriend” in relation to her plainly feels wrong and diminishes the influence she has over him, as well as the role she played in his life since his childhood (and it also trivializes the abuse he suffered through her).

there are several instances where gale gets defensive when his companions mention or ask him abt mystra. he claims that their relationship was no less real even though most of their interactions were incorporeal.

we have already established that gale is an unreliable narrator in this particular case, still not having fully come to terms with the fact that he was groomed, manipulated and abused. he ping-pongs between bouts of realization (even in his romance), gaining clarity that he was merely used and eventually discarded and that mystra never truly cared for him, back to making light of his situation, idealizing her once again. realizing the extent of his trauma, that he is indeed a victim in this scenario, unlearning what he has been made to believe from a young age is a slow and painful journey. he is in the process of healing, but it takes time. time he deserves just like anyone else.

which makes me wonder what their relationship really looked like, once the lines between teacher, muse, and lover began to blur. i also feel like one of the reasons why part of the fandom still struggles to identify mystra as his abuser, is because she is a white woman who initially presents herself in a soft-spoken, benevolent manner… and well, the fact that gale himself is ambitious to a fault and a lil insane about the promise of power. he also briefly mentions "crossing mystra’s boundaries” when he confides in tav and tells them about his folly. (“i am, after all, the villain in this story.”) which led to a looooot of misinterpretations.

leaving the overall lore and mystra’s treatment of her other chosen aside — what we can discern from her interactions with gale in-game, is that mystra is civil as long as she remains in control and gale follows her demands, but as soon as there’s even a slight mention of challenging her power or defying her rule, she rather quickly changes her tone.

there is also one particular exchange between them that just won’t leave my head:

“you were many things to me, but never a threat. and never a savior."

even if we choose to blatantly ignore the fact that mystra is a deity, his goddess - there is no possible way that their relationship ever could have been equal by any mortal standards. the power imbalance that comes with her being his teacher and a symbol of his admiration, plus the sheer control she holds over him and his powers are simply too great. don’t even let me get started on how it is a common tactic of abusers to isolate their victims from any outside influences so they can exert full control over them. and how up to meeting tav and their merry band of misfits, every single soul he was close to was inevitably tied to mystra in one way or another. he briefly mentions his colleagues and then there’s elminster, also mystra’s chosen and former lover, and tara, who is a fine wizard in her own right. he spend so many years in service of her, dedicating his life to her, that now there is no one left he can truly call a friend. most of his little anecdotes and stories he tells are restricted to his childhood and university days, everything else was mystra.

evidently, ordering gale to detonate the orb is the most efficient course of action in her eyes. he is just as expendable as any other mortal, after all. maybe once significantly more useful given his status and the extent of his powers, but she doesn’t feel sorrow nor remorse for ordering him to end his life. his death is simply the most convenient means to an end.

another thing i would also like to briefly touch upon is the trigger/detonator itself. a dagger to the heart. it could have been literally anything else, a simple incantation. it is well within mystra’s power to stabilize the orb and also to remove it from his body entirely. but no, what she requires of gale is to stab himself. one might argue that it was simply a cinematic choice meant for a more dramatic effect, but it really leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. especially considering the fact that she is commonly known and referred to as a jealous goddess. it almost makes it seem like yet another form of punishment or mere pettiness. after his long period of isolation, gale is now surrounded by fellow humans. people he cares about, even perhaps people he might eventually consider good friends — which is enough of a reason for him to not want to die, to keep going and try to find another way, rather than to blindly follow mystra’s bidding. now there’s a group of people who support him and are genuinely invested in him staying alive. hmmm...

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 spoilers #baldurs gate 3 spoilers #mystra #yes again ugh #i know we have been through this so many times #also another thing i forgot to mention:#apparently there are several ending variations where gale relinquishes the crown of karsus to her #but mystra only temporarily stabilizes the orb and doesn't remove it #huh #this was a long one sorry #bg3 meta #grooming cw #abuse cw

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daportalpractitioner · 11 months

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the 12th house + your period

the 12th house is associated with the menstrual phase of your cycle. during the menstrual phase, our wombs are not only shedding on a physical level, but on an energetic level. we are participating in self-undoing as we shed harmful attachments which is ruled by the 12th house. the 12th house is also "the void" and the menstrual cycle is associated with the nu moon phase of the moon cycle which is in fact - a void. it is best for women who are menstruating to remain introspective + stay in solitude during her bleed - solitude being ruled by the 12th house.

aries 12H: your period may be physically painful + internally chaotic. she can also come knocking on your door unexpectedly. she is here to help you shed attachments that refrain you from dishonoring your true power. your period can feel like a time of renewal for you each month. it's possible that you may have tended to disregard your cycle at first + not deem the importance of it, and were met with reproductive issues from not prioritizing your physical health. aries 12th housers should do very light workouts to get your qi flowing so that the womb can have the energy to push you through the (re)birth canal.

taurus 12H: this is the type of woman that can eat chocolate in bed + cuddle up while watching a movie during her period (and should!). your period is here to help you shed attachment from the things that aren't adding true value to your life. if you've been holding yourself up to a high standard, there are no afflictions in your 12th house, and if venus isn't being afflicted in your chart, your period could be a calm time with nothing more than a bit of discomfort. otherwise, taurus 12th housers could experience heavy pain + cramping as well as a sign that it's time to level up. remove all stressors during this time as stress can also trigger menstrual pains.

gemini 12H: during your period, your mind could be running at 1000 miles per minute, making it more difficult for you to be present, still, and introspective. there's nothing like the downloads that you receive on your bleed. your intuition is on point, so any uncertainty can be met with clarity during your cycle as your aha moments can multiply. you can optimize your spiritual gifts by using this time for astral traveling + divination serves as powerful guidance and confirmation for you during this phase. a variety of PMS symptoms are commonly experienced with this placement, especially unpredictable mood swings. you can use this time to creatively brainstorm and write down any sudden ideas which come to mind, but wait until after your period to actually start any projects.

cancer 12H: the need to crawl into your shell to protect your innerG is crucial. when this time is honored well, this is a rejuvenating period for you. use this time to get some serious rest + reflection in. this is the perfect time to focus on matters of the home, making sure that your home still aligns with you and brings out the best of you. do an emotional check-in and reset for yourself during your period. cancer 12H natives often carry the burdening pain + trauma of the women ancestors that has come before them so you can use this time as a period of karmic healing to release the baggage that was passed down to you. your period may be a very sensitive time with low pain tolerance for not honoring your womb in the ways she deserves to be cared for.

leo 12H: many leo 12H natives are unaware of their cycles and therefore experience heavy PMS symptoms without even thinking that maybe they could be the issue. the nature of your period is connected to the story that you tell about your period. if you say that your period is this really painful, negative experience, you will continue to experience it negatively. lean into creating a positive narrative about your period; for example - my period is an exciting time for me to rest and become the best version of myself! similar to cancer 12th housers, your period is a very sensitive time and is not afraid to act up when you don't honor your womb's needs + love her wholeheartedly. this is the perfect time for self-love healing as painful periods are an indication of inadequate self-love with this placement.

virgo 12H: naturally, you may experience issues surrounding your period because of virgo's nature of being a "fixer". issues could manifest as painful periods + health issues related to the womb. your period is a detox time in order for the womb space to be purified. in order for the womb to undergo an efficient detox, conscious eating would be super beneficial for you, especially during the luteal phase of your cycle. creating a health regimen around your period is also very beneficial for healing any issues that you may be experiencing monthly.

libra 12H: your period is here to help you restore balance in life by urging you to release the ways in which you have put others before yourself. this is coming back to the essence of the divine feminine. any pain + unfortunate symptoms that arise during your period can indicate you over-exercising your masculine energy. your period reminds you that you should not find yourself in a space of chasing anything or trying to control any situation, putting you in a prime position for receiving just as nature has intended. periods are a time for realignment for those who surrender and leave it to the Divine to shift them where they need to be.

scorpio 12H: your period can usher in transformation through a (painful) death + rebirth process. your womb is shedding emotional baggage that it has not forgotten and has stubbornly been holding onto. this is a time where you would want to cut things or people off that are no longer a reflection of a high self-esteem. though this can be an emotionally intense and painful time, you can transmute this innerG to make it an empowering time rather than just a painful time. these are growing pains that you're actually experiencing. scorpio 12H natives need to find their power in their period. magick would even be highly beneficial for you to practice as your energy is super potent and magnetizing during this time.

sagittarius 12H: this is a time for you to gain insights and wisdom from the previous cycle, innerstanding the significance + purpose of that experience. the downloads go crazy during your period as your womb is consistently emitting spiritual knowledge. things can get spiritually intense and you can feel the need to switch up your flow, expand, or change direction based on divine insight given to you. it's easy for you to disregard your needs so make sure that you're taking care of your menstrual health + indulging in womb enriching foods + activities.

capricorn 12H: your period is a phase you need to take extra seriously in your cycle. she is not here for the play play! she's here to assist you on this level up to success. it's important to practice discipline on your period, especially when it comes to taking care of your health + wellness. there's a need to dismantle how the patriarchy has affected how you perceive your period. use this time as a time to rest - it's so important and this placement can humble you if you don't. you hurt your womb by participating in overexerting your masculine energy during a season of rest. your karmic lesson here is to reconnect with your femininity through your womb. infertility can be a theme + womb disorders can manifest from the disconnect to your feminine nature.

aquarius 12H: there is this innate detachment to your womb, especially if there has been a disconnection between you and your mother. you may experience or have experienced irregular periods due to the influence of uranus. this is a time for you to do some deep healing + innovation each month. your period can feel like a spiritual upgrade as you detach from whats no longer serving your vision. dive deep into the collective consciousness + use your period as a time to reflect on how you're being called to show up for the collective. there's a need to embrace your womb + honor her, not reject her. also, make sure you're taking time to be present in the moment as you can experience the difficulties of being still.

pisces 12H: you are deeply + psychically connected to your womb. you know when your period is coming + you naturally feel connected to all the phases of your cycle as they all have an effect on your body. allow this time to be a time for much rest + solitude. this could be a very sensitive time with heavy emotional releases. disregarding the unaddressed emotional turmoil taking a toll on your womb can allow the manifestation of disease in the womb to take place. spiritual upgrades leading you to feel closer to God happen during this time as well. you may have grown up not innerstanding the importance of your cycle + perceived your period to be a time of suffering rather than a very healing + empowering time. i'd highly recommend cycle syncing for cycle awareness.

#flygrlalchemy #astro observations #astrology observations #astro notes #astrology notes #astroblr #astrology #divine feminine #cycle syncing #menstrual health

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astrolovecosmos · 2 months

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Aries - Libra Axis: Tells a story about taking action vs. indecision, inaction, and procrastination. Tells a story about selfishness but also giving to the detriment of self, lack of boundaries, assertion, charm, persuasion, force, peace and war, leadership and cooperation, independence vs. partnerships, passion, romance, self-awareness vs. shallowness and detachment, insensitivity vs. tact, cheating and deception, winning and losing, honesty and bravery. Tells a story about lovers and fighters.

Taurus - Scorpio Axis: Tells a story about control, power, jealousy, resentment, stubbornness, indulgence and sensuality, comfort and thrill, safety and danger, possessive behavior, materialism, emotional strength and influence, inner security or contentment and inner empowerment and passion, willpower, revenge, grudges, manipulation, obsession, seduction, self-destruction, transformation and rebuilding. Tells a story about self-mastery and self-esteem.

Gemini - Sagittarius Axis: Tells a story about communication, learning, knowledge, teaching, exploration of mind, body, and the world, trickery, con artists, betrayal, support, lies and truth, versatility, duality, variety, curiosity, superficiality vs. depth, philosophy, morals, logic, spontaneity and fickleness, symmetry vs. asymmetry, restlessness, carelessness, freedom, exaggeration vs. factual, movement, cunning wit and intellect as well as wisdom, optimism vs. skepticism, dissembling, analyzing, deception, schemes, gossip, boasting, charm vs. tactlessness, and promises. Tells a story about storytelling - lessons and adaptation.

Cancer - Capricorn Axis: Tells a story about protection, self-preservation, endurance, practicality, emotions and rationality, defense vs. offense, vulnerability, attachment, clinging vs. self-reliance, sentiment, nostalgia, home and family, ambition, purpose, clans, tribes, societies, private world vs. external/outer world, moods, cycles, authority, parents/mothers and fathers, caution, responsibility, duty, patience, compassion vs. cruelty, intuition, shrewdness, strategy, contentment vs. dissatisfaction, security vs. insecurity. Tells a story about needs and being uninhibited, as well as control and discipline.

Leo - Aquarius Axis: Tells a story about leadership, charisma, confidence, individuality, self-expression, creativity, innovation, the power of one vs. the power of the many, attention, compulsion, pride, ego, play and discovery, experimentation and rebellion, drama, curiosity, socialization, influence, dignity, generosity, benevolence and/or common good, chaos, destruction, passion vs. dispassion, humanity, divinity, fellowship, organized groups, separation or standing apart, control or tyranny, strangeness and what's rejected vs. what's accepted or even celebrated. Tells a story about the king/queen/politician and anarchist/rebellion/revolutionist.

Virgo - Pisces Axis: Tells a story about the spirit and body, healing, helping others, service, caring for others, listening to your body or your intuition, purity vs. corruption, compassion, sensitivity, impressions, flexibility, logic, imagination, being receptive, mysticism, confusion, illusions, clarity, distillation, categorizing, researching, analyzing - a thorough search for facts/truth. Tells a story about sacrifice, empathy, saving others, discernment, efficiency and productivity vs. procrastination and rest, modesty, free and flowing energy vs. precise and predictable energy, perfectionism vs. admiring flaws, realism or skepticism vs. idealism, details vs. big picture. Tells a story about the dreamer and the worker, the ability to make our dreams come true.

#zodiac #astrology #zodiac signs #polar opposites #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

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scintillyyy · 3 months

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i was thinking about tim & his interesting (to me) relationship with physical distance from gotham & how he will often choose to leave to clear his head in moments when he's unsure of life or just not doing very well.

& to me the parallels between the fact that his parents used their trips as a way to try to salvage their marriage & how while he had issues about feeling like they left him behind to go on adventures, he also probably internalized some of the need to get away to think from them.

like robin i, we have tim choosing to leave gotham (& his parents, which was very hard and strange for him) immediately after the events of rite of passage and his mother's funeral & him officially getting the robin costume. and he goes to train, but he goes to train because he feels unsure about his place and whether he's really ready to be robin.

and then we have him choose to leave again to finish his training after the death of young el & tim's inability to save him.

and then he leaves again to go help danny temple after bruce gives away his identity to stephanie & he's struggling with the betrayal of bruce & steph with that whole thing.

and then he leaves for bludhaven after his dad & steph die.

and then bruce, dick, & tim leave gotham during 52 to heal after the events of infinite crisis.

and then he famously leaves gotham to go have his around the world breakdown & search for bruce in red robin.

&&for all of these, it's like. the going away is the breakdown, the return is when he truly heals. so it's like to me, i guess. for tim, he has an extremely good head for when he needs to get away and be alone because he's not happy with his status quo or where he is in life. in fact, the first thing he usually chooses to do when he's at a low point or he's not acting like himself is leave to get some distance from his problem, but him being away is also inevitably a sign that he's avoiding his problems & not actually dealing with it (much like his parents going away to work on their marriage was not actually addressing the underlying problem that is the fact that their marriage was fundamentally not working out). and he always comes to the realization after he's had some time alone that he needs to go back to gotham and not avoid the problem in order to actually make headway on dealing with whatever he's struggling with.

because tim is a character where that physical distance is him trying to get some clarity for himself on whatever situation is ailing him, but he can't actually deal with the situation that's ailing him until he returns home to actually deal with it (also related, why him leaving inevitably ends up in him getting wrapped up in other people's problems, so he can avoid dealing with his own). the answer is usually, for him, "oh, i should go home and face it head on". and that kind of tracks for tim in that, imo, that he is not a character where distance heals for him, necessarily, and space isn't what he needs to work things out, he's the kind of person who needs to be there in order to actually resolve the conflict he feels internally. he's a needler--he will poke & prod at the problem until it's worked out to his satisfaction.

#tim drake #anyways tim probably has a very unique view on going away & getting space to try and solve one's problems #given his parents did exactly that #hell even in jack's depression arc after he lost his money he shut himself in his room and didn't talk to anyone for weeks #and only healed once he chose to get over it and come out and be part of the family again #but there's an interesting thread there of leaving to get space doesn't actually solve any of the issues for them #it's just a bandaid. tim needs to be in the thick of things to deal with them #tim choosing to go away to heal is him inevitably realizing that being away is avoiding the problem

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soaringwide · 29 days

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PAC: What hidden talent do you have?

Hello with another pick a card reading, this time on the topic of ''get to know yourself better''.

This time the idea is to look into what talent of yours you are not fully aware off and could tap into and develop in the future.

By definition this might not be at the core of your personality since it is hidden, but maybe that's something you will tap into later in life. So I hope it's useful to you in some way!

How does that work?

Take a moment to recollect yourself, breathe, close your eyes if you need to, focus on the moment. Look at the 4 pictures and select the one that draws you in the most. Not the one you think looks cooler but the one that creates that pinching feeling inside of you. The one that makes you feel it has something to say.

It is possible to feel attracted to more than one pile, just as it is possible to only find parts of the reading relevant. Remember that this reading is meant for many people so it won't be perfectly applicable to your situation.

PILE 1

Cards: The Nectar + The King (archetype) + 4 of Swords Rx + Empress Rx + Strength + The Hierophant + King of Cups Rx + the Protectress + The forbidden forest + yin and yang; 2 of Swords + 4 and 6 of Wands; Priestess Magician

There is definitely the idea of a latent, untapped ability.

To me it has to do with healing, as in, the ability to help people through their recovery process and put them on track to bloom and be abundant again. To remove barriers to healing.

The fact that it has to do with remediating what is poisonous for the person, transmuting something toxic into something positive, makes me think it has to do with magical or energetic healing.

Perhaps you will use your words like a fire-talker (not sure it's the right way to translate but "coupeur de feu" in the orginal french term as in those who can heal burns by talking fire out, among other things), or work on removing magical thorns with your healing touch. I'm getting strong hand imagery and holy words may be significant as well as carrier for background movements in the spiritual realms.

I'm getting you will be or are guided to do this by higher powers with this ability that can help others tremendously, somewhat relaying these healing powers into the world. Like a bridge between the healing spirits and our world, putting healing energy in motion.

There is the idea of a position of authority that must be embraced with humility, respect and reverence, in order to restore the flow and clarity of health, working in tandem with powers from the realms beyond and by learning to develop your own power and ability for leadership whilst staying true to yourself.

You have this undeveloped ability of perceiving the higher realms, harness their energies and transmute them into something not only healing, but also protecting for others.

You would need to go on your own healing journey to gather the missing parts of yourself (individuation process is another way to look at it) and rectify what is unbalanced to find a wholeness that will allow you to carry this energy over to others. I'm really getting that it's not just about picking up a skill but really going through a process yourself in order to reach that step and that's why you haven't reached it yet. With also the idea of learning to listen to guidance and understand your bond to these higher powers more, and let yourself be guided on that path.

I wanted to see if there was another message that wanted to come out and I saw that while this ability is not currently active, and even blocked by your current circumstances, there would be great success gained from going through this journey towards that path. It's a call that you have the option to answer and are encouraged to do so with the support of your spirits and god(s) and that would be a source of celebration and achievements.

PILE 2

Cards: The Fool and Fear and Happiness + 7 of Cups Rx + Queen of Cups and 4 of Cups + The Magician Rx + Queen of Pentacles + 7 of Pentacles Rx

Your hidden talent has to do with performance arts, perhaps theater or dance, with the use of your body alongside your voice. You can pretend to be someone else again and again, endorsing different roles on different days and creating this artificial image for others to see.

You have the hidden ability to perform emotions so that it can be reflected in the heart of the audience. For example, expressing sadness or joy, the whole palette of emotions, and having that be felt by those who watch you. Relieving people in the lights of the stage.

I don't think it is about showing who you truly are but rather as I said, endorsing different identities and expressing something universal through that. You might not always feel passionate about what you are expressing, what role or piece you are given, but that's the nature of the craft. And in some way it allows yourself to explore your own thoughts and emotions by shifting perspectives, so it can be healing for yourself as well if you allow it to be.

By creating an artificial space for exploration of thoughts and emotions through your craft, you can shift people's emotional state and help them let go of what worries of preoccupies them. It is cathartic and the healing aspect of the arts. Ever watched a movie, cried for a while because it reminded you of something and felt lighter in the end? That's what you can give to people: freeing them of themselves for a short while. Allowing them a break from their own lives.

It's a trickery of some sorts, but the good kind of trickery because it is part of the game and the reason why people would come to you. It is to be willingly taken on adventure.

There is also a highly democratic aspect of your craft, as in, in front of performance in the audience, everyone watches the same things, react to the same things, rich and poor, good and bad. You help people bond together by lowering the boundaries that separate us all for a while.

In any case it is a raw talent, as in, you're very much at the apprentice level at the moment. You would need to work on it consciously, nurture this talent to let it grow and harvest its rewards later on. If that reading resonates with you I think that would be a good thing to practice on a hobby level for the pure enjoyment and personal fulfillment of it, rather than in order to make money from it.

PILE 3

Cards: The King, Protect your feelings, Knight of Swords Rx, 9 of Wands + King of Cups, Reflection Rx + 4 of Wands Rx, Renewal Rx + 8 of Swords Rx, Courage + 5 of Cups, Gloom Rx + 10 of Cups + The World + Intuition Rx, Sorrow Rx

Your hidden talent is to embody some of the noble qualities of the King, especially being a protector of the weak. You have the ability to stand up for what is right when facing a menacing majority and would step up to fight to defend what you believe in. You may have a tendency to be rash and impulsive when faced with something that doesn't sit right with you, because you want to confront that and rectify the wrongs committed. You will not take a defeat and will get back up again.

Your quality associated to that talent is that you are full of compassion and look at others with empathy because you have a great understanding of human nature and suffering, and you have a desire to protect that. You are devoted to help people and this helps balance the harshness of you combative spirit.

The caveat is that you might feel like it's a lost battle, or at least that you won't personally see the end of it in your lifetime. You feel like you're doing you won't be the one in the parade at the end of the battle because you will be long gone. What you don't see is that you can still help others in the present.

What you can give others with this talent is that your bravery is infectious. You lift them up, give them courage and they can free themselves in the moment. With you by their side they feel so much stronger.

And when faced with a loss, you are, again, here to help people grieve and be a shoulder to cry on, listening to their pain with empathy, which helps them tremendously.

And for the reason why it is hidden, I think the need just hasn't arisen at this stage of your life. You will need to reach a form of completion and to move on from the idea that things are perfect to the desire to put things in motion again and start a new chapter. A content heart doesn't strive for change.

PILE 4

Cards: Aletheia, Wheel of Fortune Rx + The Moon Rx + 9 of Swords Rx + Queen of Cups + The Empress + Justice

You hidden talent is the ability to speak the truth on what's hidden and trigger changes for those you bring the news to. I see you being able to detect lies easily. It can trigger fears in others because they might not want to see what you reveal.

You are able to see through the confusion and pierce through the illusion, and thus, bring vitality back where there was just fog and stagnation. It might make you feel a bit lonely and isolated at times due to feeling misunderstood. I don't think you have come to term with that talent yet so you may fail to see the good in it.

Because your strong intuitive gift of being able to see your emotions so clearly can bring a lot of healing and clarity to people, especially if you wield it with kindness and compassion. You may get back a lot of love and consideration from helping others.

Because you can help people release who takes advantage of them by shining light on their lies, especially if they are over-dependant and attached to this person or situation.

As to why it is hidden, you may not believe that you deserve to speak up and that you have the right to do so and would feel like you're being manipulative when it doesn't have to be the case.

#pick a card #pick a pile #tarot reading #pac reading #divination #tarot #tarot community #tarotblr #soaringwide #soaringwide tarot reading #pick an image #pick a card reading #PAC #pick a picture

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yourpsicodelicbitch · 8 months

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astro FACTS ‼️

(it was “astro thoughts” but I wanted to change)

it turned into a persona chart observations💋

Loika

Moon in your IC persona chart tells your childhood summary.

pls this is too accurate 😭. my moon is square mercury, this aspects tells me directly I have problems with my memory, that I don’t remember my childhood or I don’t have clarity about it. also that I could often lie to get on my way, too accurate. moon 9H tells me I was really imaginative, divagating about topics and questioning or being curious about how things worked. I was always in my world questioning why this and that and bringing in my head “what if?” scenarios. moon in cancer tells me I was more comfortable and secure in my house, specially with my mom. female roles could have been significant, this evidence also this person felt incredibly connected with their mom, it could turned into an unhealthy habit. I felt what my mom felt, I had the need of taking care of her instead and I did. sadly, people with moon in cancer in IC pc possibly had to be the mom to their mom and now they have a savior complex :( I’m so sorry if that happened to you. it’s reflected in every relationship, you need to heal your inner child in order to break that pattern. in my case, I’m trying and that’s recognizable.

Sag on 3H on Lilith pc be saying the most traumatic shit they have experienced and then laughing like’s not a big deal.

Moon opposition Venus on natal chart fcking needs or searchs for love in a profound manner.

they’re emos that write melancholic poetry and don’t like partying and stuff -not saying they have never been-, they prefer to be selective with their partners and don’t give second chances and if they do it’s because of “vibes” 🕺 they need love but it’s really hard to find someone like them that will sacrifice for others as they’ll do with them.

People with 6 house stellium/virgo placements feel more comfortable with animals than to be with people.

they spended more time with animals than with people on their childhood. they love animals, they’re not complex and irritating as people 🙄 later they could have regrets about their relationship with animals before realizing how important they’re. like megumi from jjk -appeared in my mind-.

Saturn 1H moon persona chart feels restricted to be theirselves.

it’s so frustrating, since childhood these people have had a fear of rejection. they have had even controlled the way they breath to not bother others. they hated themselves for being themselves and they’ve suffered so much bc of the critics. they’ve tried so hard to be someone they’re not, they’ve tried to controlled it and they couldn’t. they’ve suffered in silence about their identity and how insufficient they’ve felt. Saturn in moon pc evidences what difficulties exists in their emotional life and where they need to grow and mature. later, they’ll be proud about themselves and how far they’ve become.

Jupiter on scorpio 12 house on Venus pc run away from themselves.

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

❀ Based on my personal experience and what I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.

❀ English is not my first language.

❀ I’m not a profesional astrologer.

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

Do not copy. Please give me credits.

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afledglings-guideto-witchcraft · 5 months

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Updated Post. Imma be real for a sec, some of the new information that was brought to my attention is amazing and, in fact, very helpful, so I'm making an updated post to this one here.

A Beginners Guide to Crystals.

How to spot fakes (typically glass) and dyed crystals, Crystal Shapes, and Crystal Color Associations are the topics in this post.

How to spot glass, resin, and other types of fake crystals. (You can still 100% use them in witchcraft, but if you want genuine crystals, then this guide may help you do just that!)

If you think that your crystals are fake, here are some things you can look and do to tell.

Rubbing your crystal with a finger should reveal tiny pores on the surface of the crystal. If it does not have any pores and is instead completely smooth, then it's possible that it's glass or resin.

While some crystals can have naturally formed air bubbles in them, it is rare and may just be glass that was shaped into the crystal.

You can easily search up "fake crystal name" vs. "real crystal name" and compare the two pictures.

You can also look up "dyed crystals" vs. "undyed crystals" to see what a natural coloring of crystals should look like.

If you're worried that your turquoise is fake, then you can take the tip of a hot pin and press it into the crystal, if it burns then it's real, however if it starts to melt its a fake.

Opalite and Goldstone are glass crystals, man made.

9/10 times if your Crystal looks very brightly colored it could have been dyed.

I'll put in some pictures of glass/resin crystals next to the real crystals to show the difference.

Natural coloring of crystals occurs because of the different metals and other minerals that are absorbed during the creation of the crystal. Quartz is just silica and oxygen, so it's appears colorless, but when iron is absorbed, it creates purple or yellow, depending on how oxidized the iron was in the creation of the crystal.

Natural citrine does form, but it's not going to look burned or splochty.

Splotchy color in crystals usually means that it's been dyed, as you can see in the first two images. Dyed crystals also very obviously look dyed because of how brightly they are colored.

Even in Malachite, the green in the fake malachite is brighter than the genuine malachite. You can also look at the unnatural banding on the fake and compare it to real malachite.

Real opal is not see-through like Opalite is. Real opal is more clouded with spots of color, while opalite will have streaks of color or look like the see-through ones above.

Real turquoise is going to have brown or black webbings and cracks or chips, while dyed howlite is going to be smooth with brown or black inclusions. You can take a swab of acetone and rub it across the crystal to see if any coloring comes off. If the color does come off or the crystal looks lighter in the spot, then it's more than likely dyed howlite. You can also do that hot pin trick mentioned above.

The picture on the left is dyed howlite, while on the right is the natural turquoise. You can see that the natural crystal has deep webbing into the stone, very obvious cracks while the holite doesn't have cracks, only webbing that looks like it but it's going to be smooth along those lines.

Crystal Shapes in witchcraft

Double pointed- absorbs and emits energy.

Cluster- Radiates energy.

One point- concentrates and directs energy.

Raw- Strong open energy.

If the crystal is more round then the energy is going to be calmer

If the crystal has multiple points, then the energy is directed off of each point.

The size of the crystal doesn't dictate the amount of energy it gives off.

Different crystals have different energies that they give off. The ones most commonly used in witchcraft and their properties are listed below.

Clear quartz- Clarity

Amethyst- Grounding

Citrine- Happiness

Rose quartz- love

Black Tourmaline- Protection

Obsidian- also protection

Aventurine- luck

Tigers eye- money

Labradorite- aura healing and protection

There are many other crystals that give off similar energies that can be used. As stated, these are just some of the more commonly seen ones.

Now, different crystals can give off different energies depending on the person using them. Some people may see use amethyst as protection rather than obsidian or black tourmaline. Some may use aventurine for money spells over tigers eye. That's 100% okay.

Crystal Color Associations.

Color associations can depend on how the witch feels about a color. This is the general association plus how I use colors in my path.

Red- Anger/passion

Orange- Courage (or in my case repulsion)

Yellow- Happiness

Green- Luck and money

Blue- Calming or sadness (depending on the mood)

Purple- Spirituality

Brown- grounding

Pink- self love

Grey- solemn, seriousness.

With some crystals, the color is also associated with the things listed above. However, again, not all witches will use the color associations of crystals this way, and that's 100% okay. Each witch has a different path and different associations when it comes to the tools they use in their path.

If you're interested in learning about what energies different crystals give off, often just googling "what is crystal name used for in healing" and you will receive an answer.

Though with any type of research, please look at 3-5 other sources that say the same or similar thing. Though it may take more digging to come to a conclusion.

Thank you for reading the updated post, and let me know if I missed anything or if you'd like to add anything. A big thanks to everyone who has corrected the previous post on this subject and any posts that may have contained misinformation in them.

#witchcraft #fledglings guide to witchcraft #witch community #witchblr #witch topic #crystals #color association

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fanby-fckry · 2 months

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🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

4 hr. ago

🌈 hells-disney-princess Follow

18 min. ago

🥺

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

3 min. ago

alright, alright, princess puppydog eyes. i’ll keep healing.

#fr tho thanks charlie #i think i needed to hear that #irl source

( 104 notes )

🪡 niffty-lady Follow

24 min. ago

smut writing tips: sexualise guilt

#writeblr writing tips #irl source

( 3,510 notes )

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

1 hr. ago

You can't spell advertisements without putting semen between tits

🎀 charlies-angel Follow

1 hr. ago

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

1 hr. ago

I’m right tho

#cut me some slack vaggs #i’m trying to distract myself from fomo intimacy issues and crushing shame #irl source

( 6,966 notes )

📻 real-radio-demon Follow

2 hr. ago

I like the term "gallows humor" because it always makes me think of someone getting sentenced to death and thinking "I have GOT to be the funniest person at my public execution"

📻 real-radio-demon Follow

2 hr. ago

Your impending execution should be your second priority! Your first priority should ALWAYS be your commitment to the bit!

🐸 jest-fizzarolli Follow

2 hr. ago

remember, they can’t kill you if you never tell them the punch line 😎👉👉

#jester’s privilege #irl source

( 55,728 notes )

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

3 hr. ago

What’s the word for horny but not in a sexual way like I’m horny for Halloween but I don’t wanna fuck a pumpkin you feel

🎀 charlies-angel Follow

2 hr. ago

do u mean excited

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

2 hr. ago

That’s it the bitch, thanks Vaggs

#changed my mind tho #would fuck a pumpkin #irl source

( 649 notes )

🪡 niffty-lady Follow

3 hr. ago

i don’t have rizz i have one (1) big doll eye and many unsettling things to say

#irl source

( 1,622 notes )

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

4 hr. ago

The fact that makeup is considered to be “mature” and “sexulized” implies that being a clown or mime is the sluttiest job out there

🐸 jest-fizzarolli Follow

3 hr. ago

damn, angel, just @ me next time

#🤪 #jester’s privilege #irl source

( 17,379 notes )

🌈 hells-disney-princess Follow

5 hr. ago

how can people be so rude and not feel bad afterwards… When I don’t say thank you or don’t smile back I’ll think about it for 3 months straight and have flashbacks

#vent post #🌈 posts #irl source

( 18 notes )

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

Jul 1

if I make it outta this alive, I’m gonna tell my crush I’m in love with him.

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

Jul 1

fuck

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

Jul 3

ya know, I don’t think I’ve confessed to someone and meant it in over a decade?

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

Jul 3

haha would it be crazy if I said I forgot how?

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

Jul 5

today’s the day. i’m gonna do it.

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

5 hr. ago

guess what I did not do yesterday

#fuck why is this so hard? #i don’t know what’s wrong with me #fuck i need a drink

( 316 notes )

🍎 luci-goosey-666 Follow

Jul 4, 2013

Do you think Dad stays in Heaven because He too lives in fear of what He's created?

🍎 luci-goosey-666 Follow

6 hr. ago

I made this post 7 years ago after my wife left me and my life was falling apart.

These 7 years have been some of the darkest times in my life, and considering how fucking ancient I am, that’s really saying something.

I thought humanity was beyond cruel, that Sinners were nothing but awful, irredeemable monsters. My daughter and her hotel have taught me otherwise.

My life is finally looking up. I’m starting to regain a sense of clarity I haven’t had since fucking Eden. And I have her, her Fallen gf, and their rag-tag bunch of Sinners to thank for that.

So thank you, Charlie. I’ve said it in person, but I’ll say it again here. Thank you for showing me that the gift of free will was not wasted. That what I did wasn’t all bad. I love you, sweetie.

#wholesome

( 92,616 notes )

⬜️ voxblr-meta Follow

7 hr. ago

Fanby’s Fake Dash Masterpost

#meta #fake tumblr dash

( 29 notes )

#unreality cw #suggestive #fanby’s fuckery #fake tumblr dash #hazbin hotel #angel dust #charlie morningstar #niffty #vaggie #alastor #fizzarolli #lucifer hazbin hotel

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kitchenwitchery72 · 10 months

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Herbalism 101: Lemon

EP. 7

Fun fact

Lemons are technically berries!

Properties : clarity, friendship, happiness, protection

Uses in the kitchen

Lemon is used for its tart flavor. It can be found in many desserts, pastries, and cocktails. They can also be used to clean or make a simmer pot, leaving your home smelling fresh.

Uses in healing

Lemon has been found to have anti microbial properties and is a great source of vitamin C. Some say that drinking lemon juice can get rid of hiccups as well!

Uses in witchcraft

If you work with the moon, leaving lemons or parts of lemons on your altar to honor the moon is a great use. I often use the dried peels, dehydrated in the oven, in spell jars and charm bags. Another common use for lemon is in protective work. Things like a cleansing bath, a protective jar etc. are great uses for lemon.

Tips for growing at home

Lemons are not particularly difficult to grow, however if you live in a place with a harsh winter, chances are it will not thrive. Don't forget, lemon trees will take around two years to bear fruit, so be patient! Finally, you can grow these trees in a pot indoors, but they will need full sun.

Recipe

This is technically a repeat of an old recipe I have posted before, but I am changing out lavender for lemon because I make these all the time and they are a crowd pleaser.

Lemon shortbread cookies

4 cups flour

1 cup powdered sugar

1lb salted butter

2 drops lemon extract

Lemon zest for the looks

Combine the ingredients with the butter still a bit chilled. You can make little balls or roll it out to cut out shapes, you may need a little extra flour for this. Bake at 350 for 8 minutes.

#herbalism 101 #kitchen witch #witchcraft #green witch #cottage witch #herbs #herbalism #herbalmedicine #recipe #shortbread #cookies

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luaveltarot · 9 months

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𓃬 ʟɪᴏɴ’s ɢᴀᴛᴇ ᴘᴏʀᴛᴀʟ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ 𓃬 8/8/23

July 28th - August 12th

[This reading will be about what will this portal change in you,what will it activate in you and a guidance message.]

1. 🎱🎱

A period filled with adventures and ambition is on the horizon. Although you could be at a moment in life where you feel unstable, restless and uneasy but I see in life you are between destruction and chaos. Things could have ended and they are about to begin. You are about to start a new phase in career, it will be a new environment and here things don’t work the way you were used to working in the past. However, I see that you are eager to test the new waters and you are determined to make this career phase turn into a successful one. For others, who are not going to change places, I see that you have turned the chaos into creation like smoke to cloud and an abandoned building to a workable place. With this change, you are being encouraged to stay flexible and adaptable and use this wake up call to evolve and grow in the best way you can.

You are on the cusp of a major spiritual shift because I see you have sincerely activated detachment in most of the aspects in your life. Figuratively speaking, you are well aware of the fact that mixing all colours turn into brown and it’s better to give every colour the value and respect it deserves while also using each colour only where it’s needed. This change has majorly impacted your emotional connections with people. Now that you give everyone their space, they notice you more than they did before, they feel the need to spend more time with you and strangers feel attracted to you because your energy is high vibrational and lol I see you running away from others like no I’ve learnt my lessons from the past and I’ll not overtime my stay anywhere.

Tbh if you selected this group, you are really genuine and honest people. You’ve been abandoned by people at some point in your lives and you had to reprogram yourself to think that you can only depend on yourself, which is really hurtful and overwhelming. You faced a lot of hardships, specifically in terms of money and wealth but I just want to ask you to not measure your sense of self worth based on shallow material gains. Your guidance message is to reinstate yourself after turbulence. You and your inner child is exhausted from all the running in the past, and your higher self, people in the spiritual realm praise your honestly and genuineness even in those adverse times. It’s time to heal yourself in silence. Shut outside noise and only listen to yourself. It’s a side message but your head, mind or hair is healing,1st house energy. Also a lot of 1’s and 3’s. 13,30,31,33. So you could be seeing 333 or 1331 as your light is returned to yourself from the divine.

2. 🌌

This group is heavily under Angel protection. You will have a change of heart. Idk if you need to hear this but what you think you need, is not worth it. Be it an opportunity or a thing that you want to buy, it’s a waste so don’t spend so much time in thinking about it. I feel you should make use of the things which you already own. Anyway, this is the time when you will reengage with your emotions and connect with your inner self to achieve clarity in what is holding you back. You will be able to figure out the reason behind the block in your manifestation and move with renewed energy. You could be seeing ⚖️ or 🗡️. You could be in a position where people depend on you, respect you and they need you rn. You feel lost and that’s impacting things around you. So work on your emotions so you could have the energy to balance the scales. Number 6 and 9 seems important. ( Angel number 69 meaning found online- it's time to turn your attention to your family life, the harmony of the home, this number invites you to release unsupportive patterns, find harmony, and nurture your spiritual and humanitarian efforts). Also this reminds me of yin and Yang, you need them and they need you. None can exist without the other.

If you have been torn apart between shallow temptation and your ethics and morality, then you are finally having a breakthrough on how to deal with it. You will not feel pressured anymore to compromise your ethics in order to succeed. You will not give into your darker impulses. You are a great person and once upon a time, you were really giving and caring to the world or people around you. You will activate within you the power to take the right decision for yourself. You will see a shift in yourself when you rise above this situation and look at it with a higher perspective. Don’t give up because it is temporary and you’ll be out of it soon.

Your guidance is to invest your talents or resources wisely that you can enjoy this material success. You need to have a strong will to not be swayed by temptations or discouraged by hurdles. If you stick to the right attitude, you’ll produce the right way out for yourself easily. Self discipline and patience is the key.

3. 🦁

Your vibe is so spiritual and pure. It’s calming and peaceful. You are someone who believes in mysticism and connection of oneself with the divine and others. Ok ik you are an extremely kind and giving soul but first see if you are capable of giving more than what you have. You will change this attitude of over giving or over helping. You are someone who will buy for others to see them happy but not invest on yourself. Be it your time, resources, advice or material gifts. First of all, see if you have it for yourself and if there’s extra then you can give to others. In this change, you won’t deprive yourself. You will form a practical mindset when it comes to decision making in a two way street kind of way. So in conclusion you will balance idealism with practicality. Idealism wants to over give but practicality says to fill your cups before. It’s time to not torture yourself with the needs of others.

Your sense of self worth, your speech and your dignity will activate within you. You could have to go through or have been through some disappointment because of your kind nature. Dw because it only happened to get you back on the track. You somehow forgot your inner monologue and got lost in others. However, with this portal activation, you will take some time off from others and introspect to look for answers. You will feel the need to do self discovery and exploration now. You will invest the time on yourself to create the desired person you want yourself to be. Everyone can wait till you launch your new version and you have to make people wait so they can value you more.

You are guided to take ownership in your life. Take decision based on logic rather than emotions. You may encounter sudden problems or changes in the way, but you have the mental fortitude to overcome them with strategic plans and intellectual thinking. In in this soul discovery, you might have to cut toes with some people or something, don’t chicken away instead know that they are not in alignment with your growth. They are blocked in your growth, it can be painful but if you are spiritual, you will easily transmute this pain into your strength and power. Time to row your boat alone. If you have to toughen up your heart now, do it for yourself.

#tarotblr #tarot #tarot reading #divination #pac #pick a pile #tarot witch #pick a card #tarot community #witch

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theflowerrooms · 9 months

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His Game • Spencer’s masterlist • main masterlist

Stockholm Syndrome

chapter 5 • back to chapter 4

chapter summary; testing each other, learning about your own trust. You’re developing some type of positive feeling toward Spencer, and he’s quick to prove to you just how much he appreciates it.

warnings: dark themes, smut, kidnapping, manipulative behaviour, dubcon, overstimulation, dacryphilia, oral (r receiving), fingering (r receiving), unprotected sex, marking

wordcount: 4K

The room was dark when you woke up, hummed and stretched, arms covering the expanse of the bed. the opposite side of the bed wasn’t made, where Spencer had slept after the movies.

You basked in the bed that smelled like Spencer, smelled like your captor. You smiled and pressed your face into his pillow, it smelled even more like him. You remembered his lips on your lips, his hands on your waist.

A loud slam, the heavy door close outside. He’d gone. Your stomach dropped. You remembered him pistol-whipping you, remembered his thumb pressing into your wound.

You scrambled out of bed, eyes brimming with tears. You hated to be alone, you wanted so badly for him to just stay. Tiptoeing to the bedroom door, you pulled it open, sighing loudly with relief when you saw him there.

The understanding of the danger and severity of your situation was lost from you the second you locked eyes with him. Your chest burning with a pleasurable warmth and the tears in your eyes shifting into a comfortable glaze.

"Good morning Angel." He greeted you, smile on his thin lips. He placed a takeout bag on the small island and you deduced that the sound of the door closing was him returning rather than leaving. You watched him pull food from the bag, fresh, straight from the diner you loved so much.

You smiled sweetly and walked over to him, sitting at the island where he placed the food in front of you. You thanked him and he smiled wider at you.

He stood behind you as you ate, moving your hair so it wouldn't rub against your skin as he pet it. One of his hands pet your hair and the other rested against your collarbone, encouraging you to lean back against his chest.

It was so comfortable, warm and safe. It was terribly domestic, him loving on you while you ate food he got for you because he knew you loved it. It was enough to take away from the fact that you were being pet by your kidnapper, no idea where you were.

When you finished, you leaned back against Spencer's chest completely. He hummed softly and wrapped his arms around you, hugging you and kissing the crown of your head. "I have to go."

"What?" You pouted up at him before he'd even finished speaking and he pouted back at you, half mockingly.

"I have to go, for work." He said shortly and you huffed. You really didn't want him to leave. You feel like you should be grateful that you get to be left alone, that Spencer would leave. But you dreaded it. Those five days he was gone drove you insane.

Somewhere in the back of your mind also, you knew that if he wasn't there with you, you would have some clarity, you would be fully aware of how scared you should be, how dangerous Spencer is. You didn't want that clarity.

He grabbed a notebook and pen from his satchel and sat next to you. "You need more things to do when you're alone, I know that you'll get bored quickly, I imagine it was difficult while I was gone before." He spoke and you nodded.

With that you and Spencer curated a list of things he could bring back for you. Movies to watch, a sketchbook and drawing supplies, toys for Milo, cards, and a few other small things. You were grateful and looked forward to the new things. You were so lucky you figured. You saw so many kidnapping victims who were dirty and hurt, used, cold and hungry. But here you were, warm and clean, full from food you loved, writing up a list of things so you could have more fun. And the bruise Spencer gave you was almost entirely healed.

You started to feel sick, remembering the kidnapping victims you'd saved, the ones you hadn't saved. People just like you who'd been taken by people just like Spencer.

Spencer tapped your chin and you turned to look at him, the eye contact working wonders for your new anxiety. You didn't feel any resentment to him, no fear, you no longer felt sick. Still you felt more aware.

"Do you want me to bring any books for specific topics? So you can study? That could be fun." It was a very 'Spencer' thing, studying for fun. "You're interested in learning about entomology, right?" You nodded and he wrote it down. "What else?"

"Stockholm Syndrome." You rasped and the look Spencer gave you made your blood run cold.

"Do you think you are developing Stockholm syndrome?" You couldn't read his emotions at all. You heard excitement, remorse, guilt, disgust, hope.

"I don't know. Let me learn more about it and we'll find out." You had an attitude that hadn't been there since the first day you arrived.

"Are you developing Stockholm Syndrome?" He asked again, tense.

"When was the last time you went to see your mother?" You asked. You weren't concerned about his mother, you wanted to redirect him, bring up his mom so he would stop interrogating his victim.

And still, the look of guilt and sadness that took over his face made you regret it. His shoulders slumped and the corners of his mouth dipped down just slightly.

You frowned and timidly brought a hand to his face, holding his cheek gently and flinching when he leaned toward your touch. "I'm sorry Spencer." Your voice broke, you wanted to cry. You hated that you made him upset, you were terrified that he'd hurt you as punishment.

"It's alright angel." He put the list in his pocket and stood, you stood with him, following him to the door.

You pouted up at him, you still didn't really want him to leave. He smiled down at you and leaned down to kiss your forehead. You leaned up into his lips and he smiled against your skin. He proceeded to look over your face after that, gaze switching between your eyes and lips. He leaned down and kissed you. Deeper than last night, hand gripping the back of your neck and pulling you into him. You sighed against his lips and he pushed his tongue past your lips, kissing you until you whined softly and he pulled back.

"I'll see you tomorrow angel." A smile and then he left. You teared up as the door closed. Your heart pounded against your chest, syncing with the sound of each eight locks locking behind him.

You wished he'd come back. Wished he'd decide to just give up on work, throw away his life like he'd thrown away yours and come back and be with you.

Because quickly, you were all too aware again of how lonely, isolated and scared you were.

✽-

Were you developing Stockholm syndrome? For now you settled on no. Nobody who had Stockholm syndrome was consciously and blatantly aware of it. And you were sure that you couldn't possibly have Stockholm syndrome because you would have to be convinced that you were in love with Spencer, and you for sure were not.

You rested on the soft couch, curled up in a blanket. 9pm. You'd had a small nap way earlier and made yourself dinner, and now you sat comfortably, rewatching Scream, cup of warm tea in your hand.

It was the sex scene between Sidney and Billy playing before you, and it made you feel a way you hadn't before. Warmth in your stomach watching the way he touched her. You craved intimacy like that, you hated being alone like this. You wished Spencer would quit the BAU and stay with you full time. You shook your head at yourself. You wished the BAU would find you and bring you home, and then you wouldn't ever be alone, you could have intimacy from anyone, not Spencer.

Spencer. You watched Billy kiss Sidney, it made you think of the way Spencer kissed you, how he asked first, how he didn't kiss you before you were ready. You had been so lucky, Spencer was an incredible captor, so sweet to you.

You could hear footsteps, locks turning and your heart jumped in your chest. What if you'd been found? Unlikely, but maybe that door would open and Derek would be behind it, or Hotch, or even some ordinary police officer.

It wasn't, it was Spencer. And surprisingly you felt relief that it was him instead of someone coming to your rescue. You didn't even process your own thoughts before you placed your tea on the coffee table and raced over to Spencer, face buried into his chest and arms around his waist.

He chuckled lowly and held you close to himself, burying his face into the crown of your head and inhaling deeply. He pressed kisses to the part in your hair and hummed. "I missed you angel."

You just hummed in response, telling him you missed him too without verbally admitting it, which you weren't sure you could. He cupped your cheeks and lifted your face so he could look into your eyes.

He held eye contact with you for a lengthy moment. It was a strange gesture that you figured most people wouldn't understand, you hardly did. What you did understand was that Spencer struggled with eye contact, and still he pushed himself to make eye contact with you, for you.

He kissed your forehead, then between your eyebrows, leaving a trail of kisses down the bridge of your nose before he found your lips, kissing you deeply, tongue chasing yours.

You blushed and moved away from him when it got too much, stomach flipping and heart pounding, face sure to be deep red. You looked down at your feet and he held your chin, turning your face up to look at him.

"How was your day my angel?" He asked, hand gliding down your back to the hem of your shirt, his hand slid up under the fabric and he stroked your back softly.

"Good. Long." You sighed. I missed you. "I like it better when you're here." You whispered, as if anyone aside from Spencer and your cat would hear you. Your heart soared and the look your words brought to Spencer's face, brown eyes filled with appreciate and wonder.

"Everything is better when I'm with you angel. That's why I needed to take you here." He brushed your hair behind your ear with his free hand and you nodded in understanding, in agreement.

Spencer was a good man. And he'd gone through so much, if you made things better for him, he deserved to keep you.

You went through the bag of things Spencer brought with him to occupy you when he was away. More movies and some cards and art supplies. You placed the books on entomology and Stockholm Syndrome on a shelf. You wouldn't open the Stockholm Syndrome books you'd decided, you're smart, you're a profiler with the FBI, you would know if you had Stockholm Syndrome.

Now you sat on the floor, you and Milo playing with a wand Spencer had gotten him while the man put together a scratch post for the cat, wide smile on his face as he watched you.

You smiled and laughed watching Milo. That's how amazing Spencer was, he didn't need to bring Milo, didn't need to spend money on him, but he did, for you. You were so lucky.

You remembered how scared you were when you thought Spencer might have killed him. You remembered how guilty you felt that Spencer killed your neighbour, but you knew he wouldn't have done that if he hadn't needed to.

'Derek does not matter anymore' You remembered him saying that, for the first time since he arrived from work, you felt uneasy. "Spencer?" You got his attention. "When we were fighting, you said Derek didn't matter anymore. Did- did you do something to him?" You didn't miss the way his eyes narrowed and his jaw tensed. "I'm only asking 'cause he's like my brother. I don't love him like that- like the way you love me." Your voice shook, eyes brimming with tears.

He took a moment to answer you, each passing second leading you to be more and more worried he had killed Derek. "No. Derek's fine, I didn't hurt him- I meant that he doesn't matter because all you need now is-is me, I brought you here and you're mine, I'm all that matters." He didn't raise his voice at you like you'd expected, he didn't seem very angry, more anxious.

"You do matter Spencer." You reassured him, chewing on your lip and petting Milo. "I just was worried about him, I'm sorry." You looked down at your cat, purring in your lap, you didn't want Spencer to see the tears rolling down your face, but he did anyway.

"I promise Derek's alright. He's worried about you, and he misses you. But you're perfectly fine right?" He sniffed and you nodded as he stood. "Alright angel, come here." He ordered and you listened, immediately going over to him. A small part of you worried he'd hurt you, a large part of you was thrilled when all he did was pull you into his arms. "You don't have to be sorry for how you feel angel, it's okay to worry about the people out there. Do you understand? No apologies." He spoke softly and you nodded. He kissed the top of your head and his lips turned in a smile. "It's getting late darling, let's head to bed.

✽-

You looked at your clock, 4:12AM. The lights were off and you were comfy in your bed with Spencer asleep, arm thrown over your side, Milo sleeping soundly at your feet.

It was so cold, you huffed as you moved closer to Spencer, failing to get any extra warmth. You pushed his arm that was weighing you down and slid out of the bed, intending to get a blanket off of the couch to add to the pile of blankets on the bed. When you walked toward your open bedroom door, you immediately noticed it.

The door to the exit was wide open. You looked back at Spencer and Milo before you sped over to it. There was a wooden staircase that lead up to an open hatch, the star filled night sky behind it.

You looked back to your open bedroom door, you could see the shape of Spencer in your bed, still asleep. Your legs shook as you bounded up the stairs. Collapsing at the very top one, sitting down and heaving breaths of fresh air.

You reached an arm out and touched the damp grass, breathed in the chilly air, stared up at the stars and the moon that you had unknowingly missed so terribly.

It was a moment before it dawned on you that you could leave. You looked around, in the woods somewhere with no idea how to get home. Still it was a chance. You could put Milo in his carrier and leave. Find your way back to home, to Derek and the rest of your family.

You refused to reflect on the way you felt, the way you weighed your options, and the idea of leaving Spencer scared you more than the idea of staying with him.

You wiped the tears from your eyes as you closed the hatch and went back down the stairs. You rubbed at your warm cheeks after you closed to door to the exit. You chewed your lip as you rushed back into the bedroom, immediately climbing back into the bed with Spencer.

You held the blanket in fists as you pressed your back against Spencer’s chest with force, exhaling a sigh of relief when his arm snaked around your waist again.

“You could’ve left.” His voice startled you despite how quietly he whispered. You bit down on your lip and turned to face him, hiding your face against the column of his throat.

“I know.” Your voice shook and he held you close to him. “I didn’t want to… I really liked seeing the stars out there though. And- and the moon.” Spencer could feel your tears wetting his shirt and he kissed the top of your head before twisting so you lay flat on your back and he hovered over you.

“Thank you for staying.” He whispered, eyes glossy. He kissed you, a quick gentle peck before he stared into your eyes. Then his hand was on your throat, kissing you harder and deeper than he had before.

In a matter of seconds you were panting and keening toward him. His thigh slotted between yours and you hadn’t even noticed that you’d been rubbing yourself against his thigh until his hand moved from your throat to your hips, guiding you, swallowing the soft and needy whimpers that left your throat.

Lips fell from yours to your neck. “Thank you so much Angel. So good for me- gonna let me thank you?” His voice had a needy rasp that had you reeling, nodding your head as fast as you could. You felt him smile against the warm skin of your neck. “Words baby, let me hear that pretty voice.” And you gasped as he immediately began to suck on your pulse point.

“Yes, Spencer. Please.” You stumbled over each word that left your mouth, whining for him. He happily obliged, leaving kisses and hickeys down your neck until he got to your collarbone. He shuffled further down, pressing your shirt up to your chin. He groaned and wet his lips with his tongue.

“Pretty angel.” He rasped, hands gripping your sides roughly while he took a nipple in his mouth. He hummed around it and you moaned, you could feel his bulge growing beneath his pants. He left hickeys over your sternum, your stomach. And then he quickly pulled your pants and underwear down and off.

It startled you, but you were too needy to care. He hadn’t asked, but you were sure he’d stop if you asked him to.

His hands were warm on your thighs as he spread them, and you didn’t have time to be nervous or insecure before he was gliding his tongue through your folds and capturing your clit between his lips, moaning around it.

You moaned in return, legs shaking on either side of his head. Everything felt so intense. Because you hadn’t been touched like this in so long, because for such a long time since you got here, you’d only been touched at all by Spencer. You depended on him for intimacy and you yearned for his hands on you.

He moaned against you again and it shot vibrations and hot energy up your stomach and spine. He sucked your clit and shook his head from side to side, you couldn’t control your hips bucking up against Spencer’s mouth, but he didn’t seem to mind it one bit, he yearned for it.

A whine began to leave your kiss swollen lips, breaking half way and turning into a moan when Spencer inserted his index finger into your cunt. He didn’t go slow, but that didn’t matter. You were so wet and desperate, ready for him, that it just slid in with no resistance, your body took him in immediately, clenching desperately around his one finger.

Never would you verbally admit it, pressing back against his mouth and hand, not physically capable of getting any words out, you desperately wanted more. Another finger, for him to go faster. It didn’t seem you had to ask for anything because he already knew what you needed.

In one fluid motion, he added his middle finger alongside his first one, fucking them in and out of you at a faster pace. You were already overloaded on pleasure before he started flicking his tongue fast over your clit, simultaneously crooking his fingers upward and bullying your g-spot.

You were practically screaming. “Please, please, please… god… please-” your begging turned to incoherent rambling and that on its own turned Spencer on beyond belief, hips pressing his cock against the mattress for some relief.

Your whole body felt tense, freezing and hot at the same time. Your legs tried to close, push Spencer out but he held your left thigh down with his palm, keeping you in place. “Come on sweet Angel, you got it, cum for me.” He mumbled against your heat, voice heavy.

That’s all it took before the coil deep inside your stomach snapped and you screamed, hips shaking and legs locking behind Spencer’s head as you came.

All of your muscles seized up and relaxed repeatedly as came, and you hardly had any time to actually come down from your orgasm before Spencer was kissing you and you felt the tip of his cock pressing against your cunt- still raw from your orgasm.

“Spencer- ‘s too sensitive.” You whimpering, raising your head as much as you could to look at where you met below your waists. He was much bigger than you’d expected, intimidatingly so.

He didn’t seem to care how sensitive you were, listening to you let out a moan from both pain and pleasure as he fed inch after inch of himself into you.

“Been waiting for this for so long.” He groaned into your ear after letting his forehead drop to the pillow you rested on. “Thought about this every night for months and months. Needed it before I even met you, Derek showed us a picture of you and I knew. Knew I’d be deep inside you just like this someday.” He rambled, that was all the time he gave you before he thrusted in and out of you at an unexpectedly fast pace.

You were so sensitive, it felt too good, too much, overwhelming. Spencer moaned as your nails dug into his shoulders, it only made him fuck you faster. He kissed away each tear that fell down your flushed cheeks.

He knew he’d finish embarrassingly fast, he’d wanted nothing more than this for so long. He slid a hand down between you both, rubbing fast and tight circles over your pudgy, swollen and tender clit.

You screamed yet again, heels locking behind Spencer’s back unintentionally, pulling him closer to you. You couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, broken whimpers and sentences without words rushing out of your mouth.

Only a few more thrusts from and you were cumming again. Hoarse whines of pleasure echoing off of the walls of your prison. The constant clenching of your walls around him triggered his orgasm. He bit down on the junction between your neck and shoulder to centre himself as his hips jerked and he came deep inside of you, painting your cervix.

For a while you stayed like that, Spencer hovering on top of you, hot breath on your neck, cock softening inside of you. It was relaxing, you needed this peaceful intimacy more than he did and he knew that, more than happy to give you everything you needed right now.

His chin dragged against yours as he lifted his head again. You moved forward and kissed him, the first kiss you’d initiated since he took you. His lips were soft, dented from his teeth, salty from the sweat and tears he kissed off of you.

He kissed you back, humming happily, smiling, which made you smile too. He pulled out, much to your dismay, grinning at the sad sound you made at the loss of his cock inside of you.

The second he was laying on his back you were turning and curling into him, he didn’t mind at all, beyond happy to hold you, coddle you and give you kisses over your damp hairline.

“Do you wanna shower now angel? Or would you rather to shower in the morning?” He asked you, sweet and sultry. You just shook your head, pressing your face against his bare chest.

“Don’t wanna shower yet, just want- I want you.” You sniffled, foggy and clingy, he grinned down at you.

“You’re always going to have me.”

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