,,,, russian bruce wayne
Russian Bruce Wayne
RUSSIAN BRUCE WAYNE -
Listen. Listen. Not fully compacted into something coherent, but I'll do my best, because this idea has been haunting me, -
SO he's russian on his mother's side!! Martha Wayne immigrated in America when she was a teenager, nothing to her name but hope in her chest and her mother's pearl necklace in her pocket
She always got ugly looks for speaking in her native language and her accent. Slowly, it melted into something perfectly English, but she still spoke Russian at home and especially to Bruce
Little Bruce loved Baba Yaga as a kid and dressed like her for Halloween every single year; Nobody really understood it, but a glare from Alfred was enough to fill a bag full of candy
Martha and Bruce would talk shit in front of Thomas' faux philanthropist friends, but they were on wildly different spectrums
Martha, whispering: You see that man, Brucie? He sold his soul to greed. He's a worm of a human and his morals are rotten. That's why his eyes are dead
Bruce: haha, he's balding at 25
Martha, Alfred, and Bruce cooking beef stroganoff, syriniki, borscht, and Bruce's absolute favorite- pirozhki.
Martha also played the piano and LOVED Swan Lake so, so much. It was the one song that calmed Bruce during night terrors.
When he reaches eight, it all stops.
He eventually reconnects with his Russian roots in his 20s, when he's in college and his literature teacher shares a DISRESPECTFULLY incorrect opinion about one of Dostoevsky's works.
His teacher scoffed, " Well. Didn't know we had a Russian citizen here. "
" Not a citizen, but I AM a Russian descendent. My mother was an immigrant. That's kind of how America was formed. It's a pretty significant thing that happened."
Imagine you're a Gotham criminal and Batman starts muttering things about you in Russian. Somehow that's even more intimidating than anything he does.
" I can't believe they're more afraid of someone who doesn't speak English than a guy who beats up people dressed as a bat."
Alfred hums, sloooowly pulling away the vodka cereal Bruce made. " I can't imagine why. You're the poster child for mental health, sir."
" Not funny, papachka"
" For you."
When Dick is brought into the nest, Bruce struggles a bit with showing his affections; He only has money to offer, but Dick is happily uninterested in that, and seeks Bruce out instead.
BRUCE ABSOLUTELY SPENDS AN ENTIRE NIGHT TRYING TO PERFECT HIS MOTHER'S BAKLAVA FOR DICK!!
yes he's supposed to be on patrol. No, he doesn't care, Jim. It's all worth it when Dick takes a single bite and he has stars in his eyes and vines his little but strong arms around him, " this is PERFECT! Thank you so much, dad"
Air freezes in his blood, " ... Of course, ptichka."
He absolutely uses russian proverbs all the time (mostly when his children need to be reprimanded and reminded that making jokes is illegal when they're on duty)
JASON AND BRUCE FIGHTING OVER TRANSLATIONS AND CONTEXT IN ENGLISH ADAPTATIONS OF SLAVIC LITERATURE!
" PAPI, THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY MEANT TO SAY!"
" MISKHA I'M SO GRATEFUL YOUR GRANDMA ISN'T HERE, BECAUSE SHE'D DIE AGAIN IF SHE HEARD YOU SAY THAT!"
Damian 100000% prides himself on knowing russian and communicating with Bruce the smoothest.
It becomes a competition soon enough. Bruce is SO tired but the way they butcher words is funny, so he just pretends they're right.
The League finds out when Bruce snaps and calls Hal Cyka in a low, angry mutter while stomping away from his stupidity. " ... Bless you? What did he call me?"
Diana, struggling so hard not to laugh. " He said you were a genius."
" Huh. Had no idea he was French."
Meanwhile Clark is losing HIS shit because wow, Bruce's russian might be the hottest thing he ever heard. Please, this dork would absolutely try to learn Russian and talk to Bruce more.
He's absolutely horrible with it but Bruce is just very excited. He definetly chuckles (which. Wow. Clark couldn't even make him GRIN 3 weeks ago) " You just asked me if I sleep with my dentist."
" ...Oh. I...Was trying to ask you for drinks. You can kill me right now. Please?"
" Maybe another time, solnyshko. Take me for a drink first."
Clark inhales. " oKaY thank yoU."
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