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indecisivemuch · 4 months

Text

Look at me

Pairing: Luke Castellan x Reader

Summary: Being oblivious to Luke’s feelings, you tried to get over him by getting a boyfriend, who just does not know how to treat you right. Inspired by the song ‘Boyfriend’ by Dove Cameron ~ “I could be a better boyfriend than him.” (jealous luke, friends-to-lovers, fluff, angst, pining, happy ending.)

Warning: Just the boyfriend being an asshole and unwanted physical touch for a split second, but nothing serious. Sorry if your name is Cole. Violence (physical fighting)

Note: I’m sorry if there are a lot of errors, I haven’t had the chance to edit this thoroughly so if it feels like a train wreck, then I'm sorry. I just needed to write this out, get it out there, so I can go back to revising for my exams in peace lol, cause this plot/idea has been at the back of my head, I could not stop thinking about it or study properly. Lowkey hated how this one turned out, but whoops.

Word count: 4.8k

“People say that eyes are the windows to one's soul,” you once told him. You two have been best friends for a very long time: five years of being attached to the hip. Yet, you were completely oblivious to the way he looked at you. Even everybody at camp noticed and thought it was bound to happen. They were so sure that Luke and you would end up together. So imagine everybody’s surprise when something else occurred.

It happened right in front of Luke: Cole - a boy from Cabin 5 and son of Ares - asked you out, and you said yes.

It has been two months since that day. All Luke could do was sulk as he watched his best friend slip away. Of course, you still tried to spend as much time as possible with him. But even then, things have changed. There were no more of those content silences between the two of you. There were no more carefree laughs that made Luke feel like you two were the only ones that existed in this place. He used to walk you back to your cabin every night, hugging you good night or kissing your forehead close to your hairline if he felt brave enough. Moments like those convinced him you two would be like that forever. But his solace was taken in a split second. Now, you were so near, yet so out of reach.

It didn’t help that he saw you every day, like right now, as you sat in the middle of a gathering hosted by your cabin. Gods, even the wind seems to be in love with you, judging by the way it was blowing through your hair as if it was trying to twirl itself around those lovely locks that Luke himself used to always tug behind your ears. The sight of you always bathed him in this warm feeling, like the morning sun. Hence his nickname for you: sunshine.

Then his brown eyes landed on the figure next to you, and they hardened. He has witnessed it all: Cole’s backhanded compliments, ignoring you on your birthday, leaving you alone to talk to his friends, occasionally flirting back with girls who batted an eyelash at him, and then blatantly telling you that you were overthinking it. Luke knew he could treat you so much better.

You were sitting with your boyfriend and his group of friends, who often gave you weird looks or snickers. Gods, if it was him you were with, he’d never make you feel excluded. He would have his arms around you and defend you if his friends ever made snarky remarks. Not that that would ever happen anyway; you were well-loved at camp, and all his friends loved you. But he would treat you well, nevertheless, not like that dumbass sitting next to you.

One of your favorite songs started playing, and Luke watched as you genuinely smiled for once tonight. You touched your boyfriend’s arm, muttering something to him. Luke knew exactly what you were saying to Cole because you and Luke used to do this together. Except, you never had to ask Luke.

Whenever your favorite tunes were on, Luke would immediately pull you out of your seat and dance with you, laughing as if nothing mattered at all. Nights like those, he liked to imagine that the stars above envied them and what the two of you had. Now? He felt like one of them, watching from the outside.

Luke’s jaw clenched as he saw Cole shrugging off your hand on his arm. Gods, Luke felt like that idiot was taking you for granted, and his blood boiled. Before Cole, Luke used to always orchestrated some excuse to have you touch him - getting injured on purpose sometimes just to watch you frantically panic over his wounds and take care of him, volunteering to help you out with swords training just to touch your hand and pretend to adjust the way you were holding it, hugging you every time he greeted you and so on.

For a second, your mask slipped, and you had that look on your face, like something had left you emotionally wounded. It was the kind of look Luke would kill to never see again, and oh, the things he would do to get rid of Cole. Luke had to wrestle with the thought of marching up to Cole and beating him to a pulp. However, he did stand up to approach you.

You felt a hand touch your shoulder. When you peered at the person standing, your eyes immediately glimmered as they caught Luke’s. However, something foreign was gleaming in his eyes. The Hermes boy has always looked at you sweetly. But the way he was looking at you right now was filled with something much more intense - borderline fervent, like an obsession.

Cole finally glanced over at you for the first time the entire night. Unlike you, he instantly recognized the look in Luke’s eyes: hunger and longing. It was clear as day to everybody but you.

Luke extended his hand out for you to take and you understood right away. For the first time in two months, your hand touched his. Luke’s chest sunk and his breathing lost its usual rhythm for a second as your skin made contact with his. The Hermes boy finally looked over to Cole, and the Ares boy saw an immediate shift in his eyes. Now, they were filled with animosity and - the most obvious of all - heated jealousy.

Luke led you away from Cole and started twirling you around. You let out a laugh - the kind that was infectious and has always brought a smile to Luke’s lips. You both sang along to the lyrics. For once, your relationship felt restored, just like the good old days. Was it wrong that this was the happiest you have felt since you got together with Cole? You shrugged away the thought as the song slowly ended. Luke settled with both hands on your waist while yours were around his neck. Usually, you would put your head on his chest as you both slightly swayed around. But now that you were in a relationship, you kept a bit of distance between the two of you. You gaze up at Luke, who was already staring at you sweetly. The moment was perfect. Gods, you almost wished to stay in it forever.

Meanwhile, Luke hoped he could convey his thoughts through his eyes - the unspoken words he wished he had told you sooner. Could you not see the infatuation coursing through his veins whenever he was with you? Could you not see that you got him at your beck and call?

The look you gave him almost convinced him that you heard his thoughts. You leaned your head on his chest, caught off-guard by the speed of his heartbeat as it soothed you along with the music in the background. Feeling a heated look over his way, Luke glanced around and locked eyes with your boyfriend. Cole narrowed his eyes while Luke gave Cole a look of resentment and immense loathing.

Gods, he could be a much better boyfriend than Cole.

“Hey, man,” when you heard your boyfriend’s voice, you lifted your head from Luke’s chest and withdrew your hands around his neck. “I’ll take over from here,” Cole practically pulled you away from Luke and started swaying with you. Instead of feeling happy that Cole finally danced with you after two months of dating, you felt wrong. Cole's hands were on your waist, but they felt sluggish like his heart was not in it at all. Your ear was against Cole’s chest, so you caught the sound of his heartbeat. It sounded…too calm, almost cold and shallow, causing you to twist your lips into a frown.

You glanced up at your boyfriend but saw him staring behind you instead. So you glanced back and caught a glimpse of Luke before getting pulled around by Cole, who roughly yanked your face towards him. He kissed you almost aggressively. There was something cynical and bitter about the way he was kissing you.

Cole opened his eyes and conceitedly made eye contact with Luke. The Hermes boy glared at the sight of Cole handling you so roughly, claiming your lips so smugly. If it was him, he would be kissing you for you; he would be kissing you to show you how much he worshiped you and the ground you walk on, not to prove an empty point.

You finally managed to pull away when Cole let go of your chin. “All right, we’re done for the night, don’t you think?” your boyfriend muttered, quickly leaving you to return to his friends as if nothing had happened. Despite feeling slightly aggravated at Cole, you hated that you couldn't care less of his words at that moment, and the first thing you did was look in the direction Luke had been before.

Yet, he was not there anymore.

~~~

Your cabin was not on the same side as Luke’s cabin for this match of capture the flag. You were fighting off some people who were on the blue team. Years of training with Luke paid off because you managed to point your sword at the person’s neck and grinned when they put their hands up in surrender. You continued perusing through the area, trying to regroup with your team or take down another blue team member. However, you almost tripped as you witnessed Cole on the ground with Luke on top of him, repeatedly punching his face..

“Luke!” you called out, watching as Luke’s action faltered, and his eyes darted around frantically around like a lost wild animal. However, Cole took advantage of Luke’s momentary distraction to land a hit on Luke’s face. The Ares boy got off the ground as Luke stumbled and went for another punch. However, Luke dodged it effortlessly and rammed Cole against a tree instead.

“Hey, knock it off,” you yelled, standing between the boys to stop their flight. Luke immediately backed off, afraid he would accidentally hurt you if he didn’t. But Cole, in the middle of his blind rage, still swung for Luke and ended up striking you across the face instead. Right when that happened, Luke pushed Cole again and rushed to your side to assess your injury. At that very moment, Chiron approached the scene with one of Cole’s friends next to him, who promptly told the man:

“It was him. Luke initiated the fight.”

~~~

Luke wished for somebody to put him out of this misery as he stared at you from afar helplessly. He was so dotted that it hurt. Somebody must have answered his prayers because your eyes met his from across the field. There was a bit of sadness behind them, perhaps regret from how things ended yesterday. You whispered something to your boyfriend, but Cole did not even spare you a glance and waved his hand as if dismissing you from the discussion. Luke’s hand once again curled into a fist. He bit the inside of his cheek from the pain induced by his injury. The Hermes cabin counselor felt no bit of guilt in his body about his physical altercation with Cole. He felt smug at the sight of Cole with one black eye, busted lip, swollen cheek and a body sporting way more bruises than him.

You deserved better.

“Hey, stranger,” you greeted, sitting beside Luke. Almost immediately, he hooked one finger under your chin, tilting your head lightly as if he was afraid he might break you. The boy scanned over your injury, sighing at the sight of purple forming under your skin, indicating an emerging bruise. Even so, under the moonlight, you still looked heavenly to him.

“Devon said you initiated the fight. Is that true, Luke?” Luke frowned at the mention of Cole’s friend. Great, now he knew another idiot’s name. Meanwhile, you have asked this because you knew him. There was no way the boy you knew would lose control like this and swing his hands first.

“No, but what’s the point of telling Chiron that? It’s two against one,” he breathed out.

“Luke, you’re literally the friendliest and nicest counselor here. Of course, he would believe you,” you reasoned. You sighed disappointingly as Luke only shook his head in response as if asking you to drop it.

Now, you two sat in silence. It felt the same as the comforting ones you have had with him before - the ones that made you feel like you were at home in front of your fireplace, curled up with a book.

“Why are you with him?” and with that, the comfort evaporated as the air thickened. You and Luke rarely argued or even disagreed, so it felt like an unfamiliar territory every time it felt relatively tense between you two.

“I know you, which is why I know that you’re absolutely miserable with him, so I don’t understand why you’re still with Cole,” Luke commented, though his voice was quiet because he was considerate of drawing this type of attention to you. He had seen it before - Cole causing public altercations and storming off and you running after him with tears emerging from your eyes. He did not want to put you in the same position.

“Y/N, please, as your best friend…” there it was again, the word that used to make you smile brightly, was now the same one that brought you pain. You wanted more. “...You deserve better,” he uttered, his eyebrows slightly scrunched as he looked at you with those eyes. There it was again, the look so intense that you were convinced they could swallow you whole. Yet, you could not interpret them. So, you looked away.

“Luke…” you said his name almost like a warning sign. The boy sighed at this.

His fingers gently tilted your chin towards him, urging you to face him. There was so much contrast in the way he touches you and the way Cole does. You knew precisely why Luke wanted you to look at him: your eyes were your tell for him. Years ago, after you told him that eyes were the windows to one's soul, he told you that he knew this already because he had learned that your eyes will always tell the truth for you. That’s how, in so many instances, he would be the first to notice whenever you're upset.

“Y/N, does he make you happy?” you stiffened at the question. Words choked up in your throat as your mouth opened to answer. You wanted to say yes so you both could get over this conversation. But you knew he would be able to tell you were lying. The way he looked at you right now, as if you were the only thing that mattered. He seemed so vulnerable. Little did you right at this moment, Luke was willing to surrender and let you go if you said yes.

“Oh, this is who you left me to talk to?” Cole's voice broke you both out of the trance. “The person who beat your boyfriend?” Cole passive-aggressively spat, sneering from above as he looked down at the two of you. You called out to your boyfriend, but he quickly cut you off with a quick “Unbelievable,” before walking away. But Cole did this on purpose. He liked the attention he drew, even if they were at your expense, especially because he knew you would chase after him.

“I’m so sorry,” you muttered to Luke on your boyfriend's behalf as you stood up to run after him. Luke frowned as he shook his head. If you were his, he would never allow you to apologize on his behalf, nor would he give a reason for you to ever do that.

“Uhm, what are you waiting for?” Annabeth’s voice broke Luke from his irritated state. “Go after her,” the young girl nudged.

“I doubt I should do that, Annabeth. Last time I was with him, he ended up in the infirmary.”

“Yes, but you need to go after her before it’s too late.”

“It’s already too late.”

“No, it’s not,” the girl stated sternly, and when Luke peered over at her, he recognized the look on her face. From experience, he knew better than to doubt when Annabeth was right. So, he stood up and walked in the direction where you disappeared after your boyfriend.

“Stop it, Cole. I don’t want to…” Your voice grabbed Luke’s attention as he started walking in that direction, eyebrows furrowed.

“Come on, this is the least you could do to make it up to me,” Cole replied.

When Luke reached the scene, he almost went into an uncontrollable wrath when he saw Cole trying to take off your shirt as you objected and struggled out of his grip.

“I said ‘let go,’ Cole,” you yelled this time, pushing him back. Upon finally doing so successfully, a figure stormed past you and immediately flung at Cole’s cheek, right at the spot that was already bruising. The impact knocked Cole to the ground as he wailed from the pain. Averting your gaze to the person, you saw Luke. Like a deranged bull, Luke grabbed Cole by the collar and lifted him up, going in for another hit, but you quickly stopped him, calling out his name.

Cole, who did not learn his lesson, spoke again, “Gods, of course! He runs to your aid again. You must be a good fuck for him to get this attached. How many times have you fucked him, huh? Gods, you’re such a whore, you know that?” If it were not for your hands stopping Luke and removing his grip from Cole’ shirt, Luke would have ensured Cole no longer had a face.

“Cole, stay the fuck away from me. We are over.” Your words seemed to affect Luke more than Cole. It was as if Luke could feel an immense weight being lifted from his shoulders. “Let’s go, this is not worth it,” you told Luke. Cole barked a laugh at this.

“Man, you’re more trouble than it's worth. Do you know why no guys ever asked you out? You’re fucking difficult and clingy, that’s why. If it was not for that fucking bet, I would not have either.” Luke was about to launch at Cole but was caught off guard because you had already done it yourself. You punched him, aiming for his nose and teeth, making sure to break a few.

“You fucking bitch!” Cole spoke after he howled in agony. He spat out blood as his nose started bleeding, “Gods, you’re gonna pay for this.”

“Oh yeah? Come on!” you challenged him, motioning him to come over. Any sense of calm or restraint you had was long gone. “I’ll be the one sending you to the fucking infirmary this time,” right when you started approaching Cole again, you were quickly stopped by Luke. He stood behind you, one of his hands soothingly rubbing your back in an attempt to calm you down. Luke averted his gaze to Cole.

“If you know any better, then leave, Cole. And don’t come near any of us again, or I promise you…” Luke trailed off, shaking his head as his eyes bore the weight of the promise he left unsaid, leaving it to Cole’s imagination as to what Luke would ever do to him if he ever saw the boy again. Something seemed to dawn on Cole as he saw the dark look on Luke’s face. Cole finally decided to leave the scene, limping away from the area as he muttered some insults under his breath.

You turned around and inspected Luke’s hand, which started bleeding again through the bandage. Taking his non-injured hand in yours, you wordlessly dragged the boy to the infirmary. Despite the excruciating pain spreading through his injured hand, Luke blushed at your action and followed you like a lost puppy.

The Apollo person on shift was someone you knew, so you managed to convince them to let you do the work on the Hermes boy. You observed his hand again, peeling off the dirty bandage from it. As you went to grab disinfectant, Luke softly held you back by flipped over his hand that was in yours so that he could take a look at your hand instead.

“Are you okay?” His words made you swiftly look over at him instead. There was a sad look on his face as he sat on the infirmary bed. You haven’t seen him this hurt and dejected in a long time.

“Am I okay? You’re the one with the bleeding hand.”

“You punched him quite hard.”

“He deserved it,” you settled on answering, hesitantly pulling your hand out of his so you could grab the things you needed.

“You know I had that handled, right?” you asked mindlessly, trying to fill the silence as you disinfected his hand and wrapped a new bandage over it. “I don’t need you to defend my honor or anything, Luke. I can hold my own ground,” you tried joking.

“No, I know you can hold your own ground. Besides, I wasn’t defending your honor,” he spoke softly, watching as you delicately held his hand with so much care. He wished you could hold him like that as well. A quivering sigh escaped his soft lips, his voice much less firm than he wanted it to be:

“I was defending the girl I’m in love with.”

You immediately looked at him, only to see him already gazing up at you. It was as if a blindfold had been taken off, you finally understood what your other friends were referring to when they said that Luke had always “looked” at you. His eyes were filled with adoration. However, this time, they were also decorated with pain.

“I could be a better boyfriend than him,” he stated, almost like it was a fact, and your gut knew it was true, too.

“So….Why not me? I watched you give Cole - a complete asshole - a chance with you. I watched him give you so much less than what you deserve. It pains me, but I still sit here and wait for you to look in my direction for even one second in the way I have always looked at you. I could be so good to you, Y/N. I waited for you to realize I could be the one who loves you so endlessly and treats you way better than all these guys combined. So…why? Please tell me why and put me out of my misery. Why is it not me?”

“Luke…” you rasped out his name. Despite the pain he was in, his heart could not help but throb for a second as it yearned for the sound of your voice calling out to him again. He almost scowled at himself for the way he was reacting to you. Gods, you managed to unravel him through the sound of his name from your lips. He hesitated for a second, wondering if he would even be able to take it at all - if he was given a chance with you. Would he be able to handle the way your skin felt against his, or would his heart burst into unstoppable flames? Would he ever be able to move on if you ended up breaking his heart, or would it remain in scattered pieces of you?

“I love you,” he uttered so effortlessly, which almost convinced you he had said it a thousand times before. In a way, he did, but only in his mind after every time he bid you goodnight. Gods, never did you think he’d say it out loud and put it out there. You almost said it before as well - out loud to the universe, but never brave enough.

“Luke, I never knew,” Luke wanted to sigh as he looked away from you. For the first time ever, he did not want to be vulnerable and let you see his eyes. The same ones that had been looking longingly at you for the past five years, and you were too blinded to see.

He could have sworn that he had been laying it on thick for the past years - all the touches, the looks, his actions. Luke would always linger near you and select you first every time he had to go on a quest. And if he ever were selected to go on one without you, the first thing he would do after returning is wrap his arms around your waist as he pulled you into a hug, breathing in your presence like it would bring him back to life from the gruesome battles he had to go through while out of camp. Did all those actions throughout five years not show you enough that he was infatuated with you? He wanted to reassure you that what Cole said previously was not true. Many guys wanted you but never asked you out because they knew he would be first in line no matter what.

"Luke, please, look at me," Of course he obeyed. His eyes met yours - the ones he always tried to find in a crowd of demigods.

“I never knew that you were an option. I did not know that I could choose you. I thought that even attempting to tell you about my feelings would break our friendship forever. I didn’t know you felt this way, too. In fact,” you dryly chuckled. “I was giving Cole a chance because I was trying to move on from you.” Luke tugged you closer to him, his fingers lingering on your hips. Thousands of thoughts speared through him as he tried to collect himself. A glimmer of hope presented itself as his mind toyed with the idea of you wanting him too.There was no way he was letting you move on now, not when you both have mutual feelings.

“I thought I was deep in the friend zone. Did you not see all the moves I pulled on you?” he asked.

“What moves?”

“Uhm—the physical contact?”

“I thought you were just touchy.”

“I walked you back to your cabin every night!”

“Well, I thought it was just a best friend thing?”

“The first thing I do after every quest is search for you, you’re always the first one I want to see.”

“I really, really thought it was because you were my best friend.” He groaned at all of your responses.

“But do know, Luke. You have always been my first option in everything. And I would have chosen you again and again, the first pick every round…if I knew you were up for it.” He groaned again, but this time out of temptation and satisfaction. He didn’t think the metaphorical butterflies were real. He slowly but surely stood up from the infirmary’s bed and wrapped his arms around your waist. You reciprocated, your hands around his neck. He leaned closer to you and gulped. He wanted to say the right words, do the right things and not mess this up. He took a deep breath and finally settled on what to say next.

“Can I kiss you?” He muttered in a low, raspy voice with a restrained manner, as if he was holding himself back. Five years of pining led him to this point. You almost melted at the sound of his voice.

“Kiss me, Luke.”

And he did. He pulled you up and arched down, connecting your lips together. He dove in as if he had been waiting for this day his whole life. He felt every breath knocked out of his lungs. He sunk himself into this moment like he was living for it rather than in it. He kissed you as if it was the only time he could and as if you would evaporate if he stopped. His hands moved to your face to embrace your cheeks in his palm.

You started moving your hands up his head and played with his curly hair. You tugged it slightly, and the action drew a moan from Luke. The sound caused you to break away. It made you flustered that you had evoked such an alluring sound from the Hermes boy.

“I wanna go slow for you, I really do. But it feels like I’ve been waiting for so long. I want to be a gentleman and not skip steps. But I can’t wait anymore,” he whispered before whimpering against your lips, “please be mine.”

He went in for another kiss again, but you pulled away. His heart clenched at this. The boy bit his lip and wanted to scowl at himself for attempting to speed things up. He was too greedy and wanted things too quickly for you. He almost whined at the thought of losing the chance he barely had.

“That was not a question, Luke. Ask me, and I’ll give you an answer,” he stared into your eyes, and it almost set him on fire. He never saw that much passion in them before. It almost matched his, and that made his heart fasten again.

“Will you be mine, sunshine?”

“Yes, Luke. As long as you’re mine too.”

“I have always been yours.”

——————————

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nicxl333 · 6 months

Note

“Baby you sold me a dream” IS SO GOOODDD WTFFFF YOU GOTTA MAKE A PART 3 FOR BAROU AND RIN 🫶🫶PLSSS

BABY YOU SOLD ME A DREAM PT.3

you ask and you shall receive (•̀ᴗ•́)و

i do feel like rin and barou deserve some form of justice so here’s a continued ending to part two. i swear to you there’s a good ending this time.

also this took me time to write cause i’m hella busy with school since it’s my last year…exams and the like yadayadayada. anyways enough about me, happy reading!

characters: barou shoei, itoshi rin

content: angst, fluff, swearing

please note: if you haven’t read pt.1 or pt.2 please read both for context

taglist (cause ik i pissed y’all off 💀): @faeroow @samisamaza @dookiemeshibear @91ed0 @v1v1arish

BAROU SHOUEI ☆彡

it was bound to happen. you both had mutual connections to each other, but you were hoping and praying you wouldn’t have to have direct contact with him at this event.

however, you can’t get everything you want in life.

this event was one of major importance: the wedding of chigiri and his long time partner. you were close enough to be made the maid of honour by chigiri’s soon to be wife, and therefore already stressed with the meticulous planning of the wedding. even worse once you learned barou was on the guest list. it was stupid of you to think he wouldn’t be, given that the entirety of former blue lock players were there.

and so, you dreadfully counted down the days to the wedding, growing more and more anxious that you would have to see him.

ever since you ended things with him, you hadn’t been the best simply put. you still had feelings for him. regardless of how he treated you, there’s was something about him that put him apart from the rest.

and that scared you. mostly because you thought you were exiting your relationship for your own good, but you were fighting with yourself just as hard to avoid taking him back.

and you hoped those feelings wouldn’t overload during this wedding.

you sat in the room where chigiri’s fiancé was getting ready. the room was bustling, the makeup artist and hairstylist working simultaneously to get her finished in time, while you and the bridesmaids, already dolled up in your tailor made dresses, were giving her words of encouragement to ease her nerves, ignoring your own for the sake of the couple. once she was done and the dress was on everyone stared in awe, you included at how beautiful she looked. however you couldn’t help but think if that’s what you and barou could’ve been, what you could’ve had. who knows.

you pushed it all away though, for the ceremony was about to begin. all the bridesmaids lined up with their groomsmen, you at the front with chigiri’s best man, kunigami rensuke. when the music started, the venue coordinators opened the ceiling high doors and out your pair walked first, arm in kunigami’s.

“congrats on your win rensuke, i saw your match. looks like you’ve gotten sloppy though, your kicks have lost power.” you teased.

you and kunigami were friends, meeting each other through chigiri, immediately getting along.

“oh please, i’d like to see you do better in my exact position.”

“i wouldn’t need to, a five year old could’ve done better.”

“stay bitter y/n.”

you lightly chuckled to yourself as you reached halfway down the aisle. you could see your best friend at the alter, smiling proudly at you. you smiled back, looking around to see how beautiful the hall was. everyone involved with the planning had really outdone themselves.

your eyes had happened to wander too far however, immediately locking with a familiar pair of red eyes conveniently standing in front of a seat closest to the aisle. in that moment your heart had skipped a beat, seeing the man you still once loved looking at you as hard as you were looking at him. his hair was down for once, donned in a black sheen suit, with a navy blue tie. he looked so handsome, and you had fallen right into his trap. you couldn’t pinpoint it, but he was also looking at kunigami with a face of…discontent?

you forced yourself to tear your eyes away, focusing on what you were supposed to be doing, which was completing your walk.

as you neared closer to him, your anxiety grew with each step, until you were parallel to him. you passed him completely with two more steps, proud at yourself for not acknowledging him. that work was undone though once a wave of your favourite cologne on him hit your nostrils, melting at the familiarity.

you immediately collected yourself, completing the walk up to the altar and disconnecting from rensuke with a small pinch to his arm, to which he lightly swatted at you with a smile. your hand reached out to briefly hold chigiri’s with an encouraging smile before making your way to stand to the left of the altar, facing the crowd.

as the other bridesmaids were walking down the aisle you couldn’t help but sneak a few glances towards barou every now and then, only to find he was already looking at you each and every time.

after an exchange of vows, a few tears shed here and there, and rings given, the spotlight couple were announced husband and wife and exchanged a long kiss. the crowd erupted into cheers and applause, and the reception was about to commence.

once the food was eaten and speeches had been given, most of the attendees had either made their way to the dance floor or broke into conversation with others.

you did neither the former or the latter however, instead opting to sit at your table alone, watching others have their moment.

“hey.”

you froze, head whipping to your right just in time to see barou himself sinking into the seat beside you.

“hey…shouei.”

“good turnout huh, heard you had a hand in the planning. you did well.”

“what is it? cause we both know you didn’t come to talk about the decor shouei.”

he paused for a moment, not expecting you to be so sharp about it.

“i wanted to see how you were doing. i miss you y/n, badly. and i know you established your boundaries the last time we saw each other, but when i saw you enter it just reminded me of us, especially when i saw him next to you. dunno, call it jealousy or some shit.” you looked down, studying your maid of honour dress, while contemplating what to do.

this weren’t heading in a good direction, you could tell. specifically because you missed him too. and your composure was slowly unraveling. and you cursed yourself for having a few flute-fulls of champagne, because you knew your tongue had loosened up enough to speak your truth.

“i…miss you too. but i don’t know, shouei, why does it have to take losing me just for you to realised what you had? why let it get to this point? we could’ve been in so much of a better place right now.”

“i know y/n, shit, i know. but i wanna make it up to you. wanna show you how much i appreciate you for what you do. i know i should’ve done better by you, but that’s why i’m here now. to make up for my actions. i wanna start over with you.”

he looked at you still avoiding looking at him, taking his index finger and thumb to lift up your chin towards him, slowly rubbing your lip. he knew you liked it. it made you realise maybe he did pay attention to you here and there.

“we’ll go slow y/n, i’m gonna take my time to do this properly with you.”

you gave him a nod, and with that, he neared closer to you for a kiss, you meeting him halfway until you connected, sharing a sweet moment. your hands threaded through his hair, feeling his soft locks in your grasp. after a while you parted, his eyes full of adoration, something you didn’t know he could show.

“c’mon, let’s get out of here.”

ITOSHI RIN ☆彡

life went on. for six more months rin carried on climbing his way to the top, attempting day by day to erase you out of his mind. he went on dates, brought numerous girls home. it just posed one slight problem though;

none of them were you.

he ultimately gave up on love, believing that you were as good as it gets. he screwed up, and now someone that wasn’t him was able to enjoy the undeniable luxury that was you.

he really fucked up.

it was his own fault, any idiot could see that.

and paired with his stresses concerning you, the pressure of being a football player was getting to him. he needed an escape. and so, in the late hours of a simple thursday night he ventured to a discreet bar downtown japan, considering he was out of season currently. mind you, rin never drank, but if exiting sobriety would ease the devastation coursing through his body, then so be it. he’d deal with the consequences later.

what he didn’t anticipate however, upon entering the bar, that he would chance upon the very centre of his agony once again. seemed like life just continually kept kicking him in the balls.

what he should’ve done, was exit immediately, come to term with the fact that you had a new life, new lover, and therefore not open that door of angst once more. but…that selfish element inside him wanted to indulge in you, give him that temporary relief to bask in your presence, know where you are in that moment, what you’re doing.

and so, he walked into the bar, taking a seat on a barstool, opposite ends of the room from you where he could see you in between the few people in the bar.

he ordered a drink, letting his black card give a payment from the hundreds of thousands that resided in his account.

he took discreet glances of you here and there as he slowly sipped on his drink, the burning in his throat soon to be gnawing away at pieces of his rationality.

however, the more he looked at you over time swirling a finger around in your drink, the more he noticed something was off. he blinked harder, looked more attentively- were you crying?

he immediately entered a state of protective mode, feeling a panging state of yearning to brush away your tears.

the drink didn’t help either, for he felt himself rising off his seat, something he wouldn’t never done had he been sober, and took quick paces towards your table.

the tears were more evident now he was closer. bags weighed underneath your eyes, but he still found you to be as beautiful as ever. even in your state of disarray.

you caught him in your peripheral, slowly coming into full view the nearer he got to you. at this point you couldn’t give a shit, simply over it and everything life had to offer at this moment.

you barely acknowledged him as he slid into the seat opposite you, a heavy silence setting into place. you both had more than enough things to say, but no words escaped.

eventually however someone had to face the music.

“you’re finally ready to talk huh? only took you 10 months itoshi-san.”

itoshi-san. he hated it. hated how it symbolised the distance between you two. how in less than a year, two individuals who were so close with each other, so damn comfortable could end up this way.

“i- yes. yeah i am.”

you waved a waiter over, ordering drinks for the both of you, rin looking at you in confusion once the waiter walked away.

“we both know damn well this conversation ain’t gonna go easy. and i’m already suffering from a breakup. might as well loosen up before you lay it all out on the table.”

within record time your drinks arrived, downed immediately by both parties.

“so, what is it rin?”

he stayed silent for a moment, unsure of what to say. he knew what he wanted, but to voice it to you was a different story.

“i…i fucked up. badly y/n. i took my anger out on you where it wasn’t needed-”

“badly is an understatement rin. you degraded me, hurt and damaged me- made me feel some type of way because you— you felt threatened because someone acknowledged your state of distress? has it ever occurred to you that i was trying to help you? because i love— loved you rin.”

he flinched at your slip up, the word ‘love’ shattering him into pieces. you weren’t done though.

“have you ever seen it from my perspective for once? i never felt like you loved me, god knows you didn’t tell me enough. i went above and beyond for you, given the fact we didn’t see each other enough, what the hell did i know?” your voice cracked mid sentence, emotions you’ve kept in for the past year coming to surface. tears came up once again and cascaded down your cheeks right in front of him.

although the boundaries were there, he couldn’t just let you suffer alone, especially because he was the source of your bottled up pain.

he rose once more, dashing to your side and engulfing you in the biggest hug. your sobs grew in intensity, the unexpected comfort from rin sending you into overdrive. he shushed you, slowly rubbing the back of your neck with his thumb as he held you close, scared you’d escape his grasp once more.

after awhile your sobs subsided, taking deep breaths into his chest. you basked in the familiar warmth coming from him.

“i still love you rin, i really do…but i can’t live like this. if you can’t change your ways, there’ll never be a way out for us.”

“y/n, i swear to you, this last year has been pure hell for me. being without you by my side, living without you has made me realise just how much i should’ve valued you more. i need you, i can’t live without you, not in peace i can’t. and i am so fucking sorry for everything i put you through. if you’d have me, i’ll do everything in my power for the rest of my life to make sure this doesn’t happen again. there is no one who compares to you, i can be absolutely certain of that.”

it was silent once more, you could feel his heart pulsating in anxiety from what your answer would be. you both knew that you still loved each other, but your fear held you back. fear that things would end up the same way it ended. alas, you missed him so much. even while you were with your partner, he wasn’t rin. the fact that he cheated on you spoke volumes to you loud enough. your selfish nature yearned for rin. so maybe…just maybe, things would be different this time around? time to find out.

“alright…we’ll try this once more. but rin,” you pulled away from him so he could see your expression. “i’m being serious. if you fuck this up, i can guarantee you, you’ll never have me again. and i promise you that.”

“i won’t screw this up y/n. not again, i won’t lose you again.”

he lowered himself to you, gently clutching your chin and sealed his words with a passion filled kiss.

“i love you y/n.”

“i love you too rin.”

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anzynai · 6 days

Text

Study Break!

Riddle & Ace & Chenya (TWST)

a/n: WOOOO another twst fic done! and its lee riddle!! surprisingly enough, i actually got a lot of lee riddle requests (which i dont blame u nom nom) so im planning to write those requests in the future. still, here i combined two of them so i hope u dont mind! this was actually meant to be posted much sooner but well.. got sidetracked. plus, i wanted to write another fic before i posted this one. (that did not happen) ANYWAY, enjoy!

summary: when ace is forced to study with riddle, he finds that things may not be so bad after-all when a friend of riddle’s comes to visit!

word count: 1.5k

——

“Urghhh..” Ace groaned to himself. “This sucks..” Slouching over his papers, he wanted nothing more than to just go back to his room and sleep for ten years.

See, it was his fault, wasn’t it? That he had to waste three hours of his day on schoolwork instead of doing literally anything else. It’s true that he did get a.. well, less than favorable score on his test, but no! What he blamed himself on was the fact he had accidentally let Riddle see it!

And now, he was here, in the Heartslabyul Lounge, textbooks as far as the eye can see (or really, only covering the table) and Riddle drilling lesson after lesson into his brain. He was sure that if he stayed there a second longer, his brain would quite literally melt.

He hated that Riddle was actually a really good tutor. This wasn’t Ace’s first time getting a tutoring session with the Housewarden, despite the other’s busy schedule. But.. he had to be in the mood to study, you know?

“Do you get it, Ace? This is important,” Riddle asked, causing another groan to pass through the freshman’s lips.

“Yes… but..” He said, knowing full well that he hadn't been listening to Riddle for the past five minutes. “Can’t we just take a small break?”

“Not when you haven’t been listening to me at all. Do you really think you’re deserving of a break?” Riddle narrowed his eyes, his arms crossed. Ace, on the other hand, averted his eyes after getting through his initial shock.

“So you noticed..”

“Of course I did.”

“I just can’t focus! It’s just one test. I’ll do better on the next one.” Ace shrugged, looking out the window. He could be doing other things right now. Should he just.. say he needs to go to the bathroom and just leave? No, it’s Riddle. He would wait until Ace got back and punish him. And no one wanted to be on the receiving end of Riddle’s punishments.

“But you didn’t do well on this one. Tell me, what will you do if this material shows up on the final exam?” Riddle questioned, doubtful.

“Eh..”

“Hehe, playing teacher?” A voice suddenly cut out, startling the two. Ace jerked his head over towards the source to see.. a floating head?!

“Ah! It’s you!” What was his name? Arte… Pinky..? Huh???

“Chenya,” Riddle sighed, then looked up, a glare directed at him, rather than Ace. “Stop using your signature spell to scare others.”

“Hehe.” Chenya winked, then the rest of his body appeared.

“Freaky…” Ace mumbled to himself, still recovering from his heart attack earlier. How did he get in here anyway? When did he get here?

“What are you doing here?” Riddle asked the RSA student.

“Can’t I just visit my friends~?” Chenya put his hands behind his head, casually.

Riddle pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m assuming you’ve already met with Trey then?”

“Nope,” Chenya started, popping the p. “I actually thought I was gonna see you two together. You two used to be like, attached at the hip.”

“We were not.” Riddle looked away.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatcha doing?” He said, half-walking, half-skipping over to the table. Sevens, him and Floyd would get along swimmingly— no pun intended.

“As you can see, I’m tutoring one of my freshmen. He got an unacceptable grade on his last test and I am going to ensure that doesn’t happen again,” Riddle explains, gesturing at the textbooks sprawled about on the table.

“Way to put all my business out there, Housewarden..” Ace muttered under his breath. Riddle pointedly ignored him.

“Looks like he’s been working hard. I heard him ask for a break! Why not give the little freshie one?”

“Little freshie?!” Ace can hardly be grateful for Chenya trying to convince the housewarden to give Ace a break when he’s called that! Still.. a break would be nice.

Riddle looks between the two, a hopeful glint in each of their eyes.

Then, he sighed. “Fine. I will permit silent reading for ten minutes,” He responded, at last, handing him an alchemy textbook.

“Eh?! That’s not a break at all!” Ace exclaimed, before he could help it. He withdrew slightly at the glare that Riddle sent him.

“Yeah. I mean, like, something away from studying. Come on, the Chenya is visiting, do you think I’d wanna watch you two studying?” Chenya whined, throwing his arms out. He seemed very.. mischievous. Clearly, this was not his first rodeo.

“And what do you suggest?” Riddle raised a brow.

“I know!” Chenya declared, like he had been waiting for it, then he set his sights on Ace. Ace startled when Chenya started walking towards him, getting closer and cupping his ear to whisper into it.

Ace lit up while Riddle grimaced. Ace looked at the housewarden, newfound fervor in his demeanor. Ace had a mission and he could tell Riddle was not looking forward to finding out what it was.

“What are you two scheming over there?” Riddle demanded and Chenya shook, like he forgot the other was there. Then, the same fervor was in his eyes.

“Get him!” Chenya shouted, suddenly, as if Ace were a soldier or a knight or… something. Still, Ace obliged, running to pounce Riddle. Riddle didn’t seem to stop him, even though he very well could have, so the freshman could tell that he was curious about where this was going to go.

Then, Ace wiggled his fingers on Riddle’s sides and Chenya joined in, tickling Riddle’s ribs and armpits.

“H-huh?! Unhahand me!”

“No way! You were right, he is ticklish!” Ace exclaimed, almost incredulously.

“Hehe, isn’t he?” Chenya giggled. And that’s when it seemed to click in Riddle’s mind that that’s what they were whispering about. Riddle bit his lip, trying to resist but it was all over before he even began.

“Lehehehet gohoho!” Riddle laughed, an unwilling blush rising to his cheeks. Ignoring all that Riddle was, he looked so.. cute and innocent here.

“Nuh uh! This is how I want to spend my break!” Ace started poking his fingers in between Riddle’s ribs, loudly and obnoxiously singing some classical music, like Riddle was a piano. He knew he would probably die later, but… it was worth it.

When he hit a particular sensitive spot on his ribs, Riddle actually snorted. Yep. Definitely worth it.

Chenya was squeezing Riddle’s thighs, lightly grazing the tops of his knees all the while.

“You twohohoho, stahahap!” Riddle cried, squirming and trying to grab his magic pen from his pocket. That is, until Ace started scratching at Riddle’s waist, grazing his sides just barely, but enough to drive him mad.

“No way! Not when I found out my housewarden is,” Ace started, teasingly. “…this ticklish~” He enunciated his words with a poke to his side, laughing at how Riddle jolted each time.

“Teehee, he is just as ticklish as he was when he was little! So cuteee!” Chenya cooed, his slender fingers exploring Riddle’s tummy and bellybutton.

“Shuhuhut uhuhup!” Riddle screeched, his face bright red and Ace wasn’t really sure whether it was from embarrassment or anger. Maybe both. Maybe this shouldn’t go on much longer, he thought, thinking back about the times Riddle had used his unique magic on him. Riddle was better about it now, but he definitely still had his limits.

“Seems like you’re having fun?” A voice called out of seemingly nowhere. All three heads jerked towards the sound, spotting Trey in the doorway.

“Trehehehey! Mahahahake theheheem stohop!” Riddle giggled, finally giving up on trying to break free as he looked at Trey who chuckled in response.

“Alright, don’t you guys think he’s had enough?” Trey asked, walking closer to them but never actually stopping. Ace looked at his house warden and backed away. Chenya got in a few more pokes in before he stopped, as well, deciding to jog over to Trey.

“Trey! Your best friend is here!” He exclaimed, pointing at himself and winking. A fond smile made its way onto Trey’s face and Ace offhandedly wonders about the history between the three.

It is almost silent for a few moments, save for Riddle exhaling slowly and deeply.

“I hope that made for a sufficient break.” Riddle glared at the two, but especially Ace. Likely for giving into Chenya’s whims, which.. fair, but shouldn’t he be more angry at Chenya who suggested tickling him in the first place?!

“It definitely did, Housewarden!” Ace admitted, pushing any fear of retaliation that he might’ve had, recalling the moments just now. If Riddle hadn’t collared him, he must be safe, right? And well, it’s Riddle. Riddle would never do something so petty like tickle him back.

“Whatever. Let’s just get back to learning. And there will be no breaks until we are finished,” The Housewarden declares, sitting up to pick up one of the textbooks on the table. However, he scooted closer towards Ace, so that they were more diagonal than across.

Ace decided not to think about it too much. That is, until Riddle began poking him in the side every time he lost focus or got an answer wrong.

He supposed that this was what he deserved, so he didn't say anything. At least pokes in the side were all it was…

He shivered at the thought of Riddle finding out about how embarrassingly ticklish he was, but he’ll save that for another day! Now, he just has to get through this tutoring session… Ughhhh…

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland tickle #twst tickling #ace trappola #chenya #riddle rosehearts #ticklish!riddle #lee!riddle #ler!ace #ler!chenya #tickling #tickle fic #jai’s fic

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mr-miss-anonymous · 3 months

Text

Uhhhh I wrote something again. You hear that? That’s the sound of my professor asking why I haven’t finished my paper instead of writing shitty attempts at ambulaid angst. Anywho… this is a sort of addition to @rust-bearer’s post found heeeere (sorry for the tag, I just wanna make sure you get credit and stuff). So. Enjoy? Maybe? It’s very short, like ~990 words, probably won’t even post to a03 cause y’know, I’m lazy.

Also quick warning for a very mild emeto/vom mention and maybe gore warning too? Not really, but just in case.

“You know, Ambulon, I never really understood why you wouldn’t just let me help you in the first place.”

First Aid wasn’t exactly trained in producing pristine paint jobs, but with the steady servos that came from ages spent as a medic, he saw to it that the job was good enough. Stretched out on the table beneath him lay Ambulon, who had yet to give any pushback to First Aid’s meticulous and nitpicking repair process. Of course, he didn’t exactly have much of a choice. When First Aid had set his mind to tidying up Ambulon’s chipping paint once and for all, he had already established that nothing was going to stop him.

The process was a little messy, of course. Ambulon was rather quiet for the entire process, which… well, First Aid could understand. Living with such an uncomfortable problem for so long likely made it a little embarrassing to finally have it fixed, so he didn’t fault his old ward manager for not being very chatty during the repair sessions.

Yes, First Aid thought glumly, gently lifting one of Ambulon’s arms to coat the rest of his wrist in a thick layer of red, sessions plural. Ambulon had proved to be a rather difficult patient to treat, given his frame’s apparent proneness to rejecting the paint samples First Aid tried to apply.

He tried not to consider the very likely possibility that a mech who was no longer online probably wouldn’t have the capacity of keeping said paint job like a living bot would. It was already bad enough having to walk into the old operating room after hours and be met with the sight of a cold, greying frame laying stretched out across the exam table as soon as the lights came on.

During the first few nights spent treating Ambulon, First Aid often wouldn’t be able to make it more than a few hours without having to step out and regain his composure or give up entirely for the evening. But now? Now, he was a natural. Now, Ambulon no longer looked like just another dead face among thousands lost in the casualties of war. Now, Ambulon looked like… well, Ambulon. First Aid was no skilled technician when it came to the more cosmetic side of the medical industry, but he certainly gave the last few living bots in the field a run for their money.

Sliding the sander over a rather course and bumpy edge of Ambulon’s plating, First Aid hummed a soft tune from behind his mask. He paused for a moment, replacing the sander with a paint brush once he’d found another spot in need of a fresh coat, and took a moment to spray it red before he continued.

Given Ambulon’s medical history, First Aid knew for a fact that the paint he applied should have been peeling off again within days, whether due to Ambulon’s annoying habit of picking at the flakes or the paint simply refusing to stay. Now, however, Ambulon’s frame was perfect. It was perfect, and pristine, and… and…

It was dull. It was lifeless.

With a sigh of satisfaction, First Aid gathered up the tools used for that day’s work and set them back on the side tray at the foot of the berth. He no longer bothered putting things back in storage, not when he knew the job wasn’t yet finished. Ambulon’s frame was looking good so far, but First Aid kept finding little things here and there that still needed touching up the longer he looked.

“I guess that’s all we’ll get done today,” First Aid said, giving his servos a good wipe with a nearby towel. “You’re probably just as tired as I am. But hey, it’s looking better than last time, at least.”

Last time referred to the night before, when First Aid had made a critical mistake in his repairs. Something must have gone wrong with his welded seams, as before he knew it, Ambulon’s frame was splitting in half again, right down the middle. The realization that he needed to go back into fixing the issue with much more precision hadn’t been so bad as when First Aid finally came back to his senses sometime after seeing the split frame again for the second time since the incident with Pharma.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been out of it, or what exactly had happened to trigger the episode, but First Aid had quickly realized that something must have gone wrong after finding himself kneeling in a puddle of his own vomit, tears streaming down his face and energon staining the tips of his fingers from where they were dug too deep into the edge of the berth, leaving grooves and dried energon behind that First Aid lacked the energy to fix… or clean, for that matter.

That was over now, he reminded himself. Ambulon was okay. He’d cleaned the mess, wiped himself up, and then got right back to work fixing his mistakes. And now here he was, in the last stretch, working to touch up any spots of paint he had missed after originally going over Ambulon’s frame with the fresh coats.

“If you ask me,” First Aid continued, having stopped cleaning up to drag a chair over to the berthside. He sat down, then propped his helm up in his servos, elbows resting against the table. “I kind of preferred your original paint job. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you pull off the typical red and white just fine, but…”

First Aid trailed off, and as expected, only silence followed. He didn’t exactly mind, but it would’ve been nice to get a little feedback from Ambulon again, if only just once more.

“I dunno, I guess I just wish Pharma hadn’t been so stringent about all the stupid rules back at Delphi,” First Aid said with a shrug.

He paused, studying Ambulon’s frame for any signs of the old paint job poking through his new colors, but found nothing. With a quiet huff, First Aid let his arms drop onto the table, then rested his helm atop them.

“Personally? I thought you looked good in your old colors. They were unique, and pretty, and…”

As if realizing he’d trailed off from the subject, First Aid quickly gave a shake of his Helmand cleared his throat. “Sorry, got off-track there. But really, Ambulon. That color scheme? It suited you well. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but I bet you felt the same way as me, right?”

Silence. First Aid patiently waited for a response, but none ever came. “Yeah,” he eventually said, the discomfort clear in his voice. “Good talk.”

Suddenly feeling rather exhausted, First Aid buried his face into his arms and sighed. A little sleep couldn’t hurt, he supposed. Besides, he was sure Ambulon would appreciate the extended company. It felt wrong, in a way, but First Aid couldn’t help slipping one arm free of his cozy hunch to slink it down the length of Ambulon’s side, only stopping to interlink his fingers with Ambulon’s cold, still servo. He knew, of course, that the only heat source in that cold, dead room came from him, but if he really thought about it, First Aid could almost imagine Ambulon’s fingers squeezing him back just as tightly.

“Goodnight, Ambulon,” First Aid whispered, and with tears welling behind his optics, he slipped into another light, fitful recharge.

#first aid #ambulon #ambulaid #what the fuck is thissssss #i got carried away

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tealeavesandtrash · 2 months

Text

(my first time ever writing jegulus!!!)

Relationship: Regulus Black/James Potter

Additional Tags: Unrequited Love, Angst, Rejection, Hogwarts Era, Implied/Referenced Internalized Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Blood Supremacy, Dysfunctional Black Family (Harry Potter)

Summary: One of them needs to act like an adult and by the way James jolts like he’s been struck by lightning when their elbows accidentally brush, it’s not going to be him. James is too stubborn to bring it up, Regulus is too stubborn to leave it unsaid.

*~*~*~*

The school is quiet as they complete their prefect rounds. There isn't a sound save for the click of two pairs of footsteps on the stone tiles that bounce off the walls of the empty corridor. It's not unsurprising, it's the middle of end of year exams and most of the student body is too wrapped up in revision and cramming to be causing trouble after curfew. In two weeks time though, it’ll be chaos with post-exam celebrations, Quidditch and House Cup parties, and that renewed energy and sense of freedom with the summer holidays suddenly in reaching distance.

James walks one step ahead, eyes focused on the path ahead while Regulus trails behind. It’s the first time they’ve been alone together since the incident which in and of itself isn’t too odd - it’s not common to get paired up with different year groups for prefect duties - but Regulus has been getting the distinct impression that James has actively been trying to avoid him. If they’re in the library then James will give him an awkward half smile and a wave before finding a different group of people to sit with; he won’t hold eye contact outside of the briefest of glances; and after their last quidditch match Regulus had tried to the bigger person and congratulate him on Gryffindor's win but James had just given him the politest of thank yous before letting the crowd sweep him in their victory celebration.

They haven’t said much tonight outside of stilted small talk. It’s civil enough, but it’s not how things used to be. Light-hearted banter, underpinned by an attraction which up until last month Regulus would have sworn was just a onesided schoolboy crush. And now - well, he isn’t too sure.

James certainly isn't acting like it was nothing - a kiss that doesn't mean anything doesn't cause such a sudden personality shift. But he is also apparently too stubborn or proud to do anything about it.

Regulus lets out a silent huff and jogs half a step so they’re walking shoulder to shoulder. One of them needs to act like an adult and by the way James jolts like he’s been struck by lightning when their elbows accidentally brush, it’s not going to be him.

“James,” Regulus starts slowly, praying he's able to keep his voice calm and controlled, just like he was trained. “I wanted to talk to you about something, and I think you know what I’m going to say.”

He watches through the corner of his eye as James swallows, Adam's apple bobbing as he does so. “Yeah,” he mutters, “I thought you might.”

#jegulus #james potter #regulus black #oneshot #complete #marauders #ridicule #maddy writes #jegulus fanfiction #marauders fanfiction #ao3 fanfiction

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i-dor-u · 2 years

Text

malleus draconia x reader; infinite life without fulfillment.

NOTE: Hello, cuties of the worldwide web. Will I get my pseudo-writer rights back if I try to explain why I haven’t been virtuosic with my writing these past few months and turned my account into a rave in an art gallery instead? Well, I’ve been through incredibly important exams that will most likely decide my academic future or if there will be any thereof, so I was entranced in long hours of studying that threw bowling balls at me. In my defense, I’m just some lizards in a trench coat pulling off my time on this planet. Enough about me, and more about this fine product of the nonsense factory that I’m about to deliver! I’ve had a lot of fun with Twisted Wonderland lately, and it was so easy to become immersed in the beautiful cast of characters. I’ve gotten into more franchises that I’d love to write for if I can, I hope you will stay with me! I almost knocked soda over on my keyboard while writing this, I hope it’s worth it.

pairing: malleus draconia x gn!reader;

content warnings: fluff and romance elements, it’s implied that reader is shorter than malleus and quite energetic, insects, marriage and bodies of water are mentioned, possible spelling errors;

content synopsis: you’re entangled with the housewarden of diasomnia on an evening stroll, and needless to say, it ends up being an incredibly eventful night.

word count: 2,282.

currently playing: weyes blood — movies.

pinned blog post.

It didn't take long for you to spot him.

You had to make the supplementary effort of squinting your eyes, to feign a visual path in the engulfing darkness, but you knew Malleus was bound to be around.

Every encounter with him at Ramshackle, from the very beginning, felt strangely intimate. A charm that you didn't yet understand invaded your heart whenever you sensed him at night, and his presence was strangely comforting; a comfort which you longed for now that you had been absorbed by a world you still had trouble growing accustomed to.

But Malleus was unworldly, even among what you would call his own.

"Hey!" You shout whilst waving frantically, ensuring that he had spotted your silhouette before making your way to him with unintentionally springy footing.

You didn't even mind the abundance of steps in your way, knowing who awaits on the other side.

On his end, Malleus observes your movements with wide eyes, thinking of how this never-dulling enthusiasm was an irreplaceable characteristic that belonged to his dear prefect. A factor to recognize you by.

And when you reached him, he regained his composure, but your smile bewildered him internally.

You're adorable, and very dear to him.

"Good evening, prefect," Malleus stirred up the conversation.

His voice didn't show much emotion. He looked down to you, and you acknowledged that neither did his face.

Because of this, you began to worriedly wonder if you caused some sort of commotion with plans he might have had for tonight so he could come all the way here for... essentially nothing.

"You said it was urgent." Malleus breaks your train of thought.

Though, he would have showed up even if you didn't put out word of urgency. He enjoys the encounters you two share, how you yearn to see him, although he can't muster up the courage to admit it yet.

But oh, you're embarrassed now.

It wasn't at all urgent, but you couldn't help your late night desire to further explore this foreign realm. Alongside the one you relied on to unravel sights you haven't yet witnessed and sensations you haven't yet experienced.

And now that Grim was crashing at the Heartslabyul's freshmen for tonight, you were finally allowed to disengage your armor.

"I just wanted to go on a walk."

Despite the wayfarer antics of the fae that you were aware of, you were afraid that Malleus will turn you down. It was a far too silly request. The mutterings of sorries already sat on the tip of your tongue, soaked in nervousness.

But Malleus' sternness lessened, and you could swear you can spot a brief smile on his previously clouded expression.

"A walk...? What about your schoolwork?" He tears into the silence of the nighttime nature, resting his chin between his thumb and index finger.

Like Rook would say, you're all about intriguing choices and compelling requests.

"...Well, I can take it on a walk another time."

And cheeky remarks.

Malleus couldn't help but chuckle, and you imminently thought of how nice it is when he's being expressive.

You were happy he was that way, and his penchant for odd amusement was your favorite.

A bit more different from your first encounter, when the first thought you've articulated in relation to him was, who could this lonesome fellow be?

"Fine." Says Malleus, his gloved hand reaching out for yours in an attempt to take it in his own; it was an unusual gesture on his part.

You blinked, surprised, "Fine?"

You didn't know what to do with your hands, though, fingers intertwining playfully with hopes that Malleus would move further towards you.

"Yes, fine," He confirms, "If that's what you want. I'm glad it wasn't the case of hazard of any sort, since you refrained from giving details."

"Ah, yes," You chuckled, "I apologize."

Your laughter seems to have dissipated the tension, so you grasp the opportunity to clasp your hand into the much taller man's own, having mustered up the courage to do so.

Malleus seemed to be satisfied that you tore the distance between you two.

His leathered glove blocked out the bodily warmth you wanted to share with him, but you had no complaints.

Another time, then.

But still, you thought his hand fits in yours like it was made just for you. How can he look so good and feel the way he does?

You follow his lead, misguided. You relied on him to take you wherever he thought fit.

The sky appeared to be ablaze on this night. Livid. You took your time to internally thank it for allowing you to witness this inciting love affair between the moon and the stars.

You wondered if Malleus had taken notice of it, this cosmic ritual of lovemaking.

But before you could point it out, your attention is captured by his entrancing voice, "Prefect, have you ever wondered of... what it would be, to have an infinite amount of lives?"

Your eyes widen at the unexpected trigger of the conversation.

However, you realized that the late night hallucinogenic atmosphere was the perfect environment for the fae to attempt to climb the steps to your heart.

"Hm..." You mutter, taken aback by the question that you weren't sure you've even thought of before, "Not really. I'm a human, so I don't have this kind of luxury. I'd probably just deceive myself."

Malleus hums as a sign of agreement, and you judged that he most likely predicted such an answer.

So, you carry on with your response, "Wouldn't infinite lives be dull, though? Infinite life... without fulfillment."

He chuckled receptively, and you childishly pout; no way he predicted this one, too.

You felt like you were making good points, though, like you were backed up by some sort of philosophy.

"Tell me, prefect," Malleus inserts another of his suggestions, "What would the ultimate form of fulfillment be for you?"

Oh, easy, you thought.

"...Love."

"Oh?”

The seemingly foreign word slid off your tongue so easily.

It's the one answer he did not expect, and he felt a little appalled that he was so surprised with it. Of course it would be love; isn’t it how all humans operate?

"Tell me more," Malleus reveals his curiosity, and you felt smugness creep upon you after realizing that you had successfully derailed him.

"Maybe love isn't infinite. But I'm perfectly contempt with experiencing it just for as long as I'm alive. As a fleeting being," you dutifully explain, "That is what 'fulfillment' is for me."

Your voice reverberated impressively alongside the wind blowing through the tree branches, caught up in a violent chase where meaningful noisemaking was at stake.

Your statement felt decisive for Malleus, and you didn't even know it.

So, instead of infinite life, he wondered, could he trust this love if you prove it's there?

"Hah!"

You let out a dramatic, almost cinematic gasp that changed the entire trajectory of the situation you and Malleus were in.

Fireflies heaped over a nearby lake, calling over the two of you to join their parade of shadows. The golden glow they delivered danced in your eyes like mirth, whereas the last angel fell from the sky into the fruitful color.

Malleus took notice of your excitement, heart trembling. He wanted to push you in the middle of that engulfing spark, for that's where you belong.

"Fireflies!" You point out the obvious with the excitement of a child, earning a tad smile from your companion.

"Fireflies..." Malleus sighed gently, an emotion he didn’t understand flattening in his heart.

Nevertheless, he observed.

But you catch him off-guard when your feet hurriedly splatter the lake, conjuring the small beings in your space. It didn't take long for the troubled waters to dance with the water lilies encircling your feet.

He reacted with an expression that suggested surprise, but not quite; he's grown more than accustomed to your unusual habits, to you.

You looked free; so free, that Malleus almost envied you, as he watched lightning strike in your eyes.

He gazes from above at your childish antics, senseless laughter escaping your lips as your fingers traced the fluttering insects. You were surprised that they didn't stray away from your chaotic presence, but you didn't complain. Instead, you called on Malleus, declaring that they are your children now, that you loved them so.

"Malleus, what do you say we take them home?" You looked in his direction, your smile as wide as the open night sky, "We could start a faeric family!"

The terms “home” and “family” left him wondering. They suggest something you two share.

They suggest continuity and belonging.

He compared your laughter to a gentle earthquake. A flower coming to life. Because, in a world so dishonest, your innocence is so sincere.

Smiling, Malleus closes his eyes to the warmth he was yearning for in relation to you; of course you could, you could do that and so much more.

Together.

He's quick to become afraid that he'll fall foolishly in love with you, and he wouldn't know what to do with himself. You really are full of surprises.

Too full of them, for a mere human.

"[Name]..." Malleus mutters a word impossible to avoid.

You were quick to turn around at the unusual call of your name, asking yourself what could've brought this on, what kind of trouble could you possibly have gotten yourself into?

Where is the usual "prefect"?

"...You'll catch a cold, come out of there."

Disappointment immediately drapes over your expression, and you were weary of the fact that Malleus was right; you couldn't afford getting sick in a world that wasn't your own. More than that, it was a world you were needed in.

"...But... I was wondering if you'd join me, just for a bit." You couldn’t help but make the humble request.

However, he seemed to be ignoring you.

You looked up with wide eyes, following Malleus’ movements.

One of his hands reached out to you, and you imitate him by bringing both your hands out, dutifully mindful his aid.

But you pulled him in, well aware that you might not hear the end of it for quite some time. You were quick to hear a gasp that Malleus had attempted to conceal, most of it covered by the sudden splash of the water.

He blankly stares from above, and no signs of anger clouded his expression. Surprise, however, had found a home on it, and he’s still processing the fact that you had such spunk in you.

No one has ever gotten in such friendly terms with him before.

“Now we’re even.” You remark with the purpose of dissipating the tension, however...

Your words were cloaked by a laughter, an unusual one that you hadn’t gotten the chance to witness before.

Malleus wasn’t holding back.

The fireflies appeared to be startled, their flight becoming more and more alert as they procured further light for the two of you to soar in.

You were quick to follow Malleus with laughter of your own, trying to repel the pain of having realized just how low your body temperature had gone, and suddenly every last word of profanity you knew crossed your mind.

The two of you shortly become entranced with one another as your eyes lock for the first time tonight. Though, you had to admit that you had to make certain efforts to raise your sight on the level of his height to be graced with the imagery of his orbs. You wished the meaning of your life would shine like their greens.

The volume of Malleus’ laughter gradually decreases, and in the light of that, he adds, “I believe that’s enough. You’re as shaky as a scruffy cat.”

“Oh, you noticed,” you too felt as if your giggling is quick to become overbearing.

While he’s helping you out of the waters that you previously navigated together, Malleus takes into consideration the short dialogue and removes the jacket of his uniform displaying the Diasomnia emblem that was about to cloak you. But before you could get a word out in protest, he tosses it over your shoulders dutifully, and you’re quick to feel the protective aura that his garment enveloped you in. You feel warm again.

When you began this journey, it felt as if you were both too young to drink wine.

Now you’ve probably been drinking a bit too much of it, unbeknownst to you that it will result into a sense of vulnerability which you didn’t even know existed.

Your hands intertwine with Malleus’, furthering your feeling of safety.

“Hey, Malleus,” you whisper, well aware of the fact that you’ve disrupted the fireflies enough with the loudness in your voice - they already began to part ways, “If years have passed and I won’t get back home, will you marry me?”

“Hmph-!” Malleus choked, your courage piercing him more than he intended to let on, “Marriage, you say?”

He collects himself gracefully, however, he looked like he was thinking far and wide about the question you addressed.

You didn’t realize he’ll take it so seriously.

But you shortly figured that his honesty hardly knew bounds, “...If there’s no way you will be returned to your home world, then I might consider welcoming you to find a home in me, child of man.”

Inevitably, his answer brought a smile on your face.

The idea of going back home was farther and farther from your grasp with each day passing, but that didn’t mean you were going to remain purposeless on this foreign land. You’re bored of this thought destroying you.

Besides, the thought of an immortal husband was quite inciting.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland malleus #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #malleus x reader #malleus draconia #x reader #reader insert #fan fiction #❲⌕❳ loading maze...

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farfromstrange · 1 year

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Dear Everyone,

I wasn’t sure whether or not I should write this, but as I’ve checked back in with my Tumblr account, I’ve come to realize that you guys deserve an explanation.

Yesterday, I finished my last written final exam. I’ve worked my ass off for the past five weeks and now I’m done. I’m not sure if I did well enough or if I screwed up, but all of that doesn’t matter right now because I am done. I’ve made it through. I’ve survived and now I’m (almost) free.

I wasn’t active much these past five weeks, I didn’t interact with some of the amazing work my mutuals put out and what’s to be found on my timeline, and I haven’t written anything in over a month. As someone who’s used to writing non-stop, it’s been hard and I’ve often felt like a failure because my head just wasn’t working the way I wanted it to. But then I realized struggling school and forcing creativity is just not something that’s going to help. Creativity has to come natural and if I don’t have inspiration, it’s of no use to blame myself for not being able to write or create something. I needed to realize that it’s a process that shouldn’t be and can’t be rushed in the ways I wanted it to, and that living for creating art for others is no way to live when I’m not enjoying it. So I’ve learned a lot about myself and where I wanted the work I do to go.

I’ve started on a journey to finding my essence because I’ve always felt like something was lacking.

I’m sorry to those who expected more of me, but my private life and school have drained the last of my energy and now that I’m done, I need time to recharge. That doesn’t mean I’ll disappear again, not at all, it just means that me prioritizing my mental health is something I deserve after burning all of my brain cells and giving more than I had for my education. And my mental health will always be more important than anything else, which a lot of you have told me too and it caused me to rethink some of the decisions I’ve made and how unhealthy they were.

It’s time for me to change in ways that will offer me the best life possible, and it’s a process I have to accept and work with. It’s crazy what five weeks of hell can do to you and how quickly it makes you mature.

I basically stared into the mirror and I hated what I saw, so trying to figure shit out now is important to me because I need to learn how to be myself and be independent for when the time comes and I need to be on my own. Which will be soon. And I want to figure it out because I’m not the type of person to just quit. I don’t want to quit, I want to keep pushing forward and I want to be the best version of myself I can be, flaws and all. I think that’s an important lesson I’ve learned.

I’m also terribly sorry to those who’ve been waiting for me to work on their requests. I didn’t forget, I just didn’t have the inspiration and the time to write. And I’m a perfectionist who likes to please others, too, so I didn’t want to write something half-assed and then disappoint you.

The time issue has changed, but the inspiration is still lacking and so I will try to find that creative bone in myself now that I can rest a little. I’m going to focus on myself to get back into the spirit of creating content because writing is my passion and probably the one thing that’s kept me sane most of my life. I don’t want to lose it. I need to practice a little and get back into it, and once I get my mojo back and I’m back to being myself not some depressed and stressed shell of the woman I was, I’ll come back to being as present as I used to be.

I might channel all the feelings and thoughts I’ve had over the past few weeks into words once I’ve figured out how to use them again. It might turn into some really good content. Especially the angst. Oh, I can’t wait for that. My fingers are itching, I just haven’t figured out how to work with it yet. That needs some time and peace, and I will grant myself that because I feel like I deserve it.

That’s another thing I’ve learned. I deserve to take care of myself, take time and grant myself some space and peace because I’m only human and I worked hard, so doubting myself is of no use. I deserve good things too. It’s like I’m growing up, almost, and I hate it as much as I love it because realizing all of this has made some things in my life easier to process.

Thank you to everyone who checked in on me, who shared their love and their support. It means the world to me. And to the over 400 followers I’ve noticed are now on my profile, thank you for entering my crazy world even though I haven’t been around much. I’ve never felt more appreciated. It makes me feel like my work still means something to people and that some of my writing still helps you guys in the same ways it helped me while writing it, and it’s this that gives me motivation to get back to writing. It makes me excited for the future. It makes me proud of myself for pushing through because I know it wasn’t worthless.

So thank you all for your support and I can’t wait to get back out there and just live my life. I can’t wait to write, to bring the faint ideas I have in my head to life and just interact with you guys again because that’s what makes this platform so much fun. I need good things in my life. I also need a vacation and lots of vodka, but that’s a talk for another day.

(Really, it’s a necessity I can’t afford, but I like to imagine I’ll be lying on a beach sooner or later with a cocktail in my hand and the sun shining down on my skin)

I love you guys with all of my heart and I lay my gratitude at your feet.

Yours truly,

Lizzi 🤍

#lizzi talks #this is a bit personal

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ontowanderlust · 1 year

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Hi! How are you? Hope you are doing great! It's me Cecilia. There were so many different bots that were subscribing, and it began to annoy me, so here we are. It's still me, law major student, who likes one particular 2d man and sometimes overthinks things & questions some of her life choices.

Oi, I almost forgot what I wanted to say, I did get the credit, so now I have enough points to pass exam! Yay🥳

PS. Sorry for bothering, just thought that it not bad to tell you, that I changed blog, so you won't get surprised (idk who in this world would pretend to be me, but still)

How are you such the sweetest thing? 🥹 May I please keep you in my pocket forever??? You?? Just?? Singlehandedly?? Made?? My?? Day?? 😌✊🏻

I am doing as well as I can be. I have been accepted in the job that I wanted for months now and while it’s quite heavy in terms of workload, I have been adjusting swell enough. I really just need enough experience for me to go work somewhere else lmao.

It’s quite draining, ngl. So I haven’t really had the time to let creative juice flow out of me until recently- it’s still a bit tricky to find inspo in terms of writing or creating something cause all I really want to do is to just lie down and stare into the void lmao. (Well. Welcome to the workforce, ig?)

Life update: I’ll be attending my first ever concert- a korean pop group that I’ve been in too deep lately. 🥹🥹 let’s all hope my claustrophobia won’t act up in the middle of the concert cause I’ve got no one with. Heh.

I am super duper grateful for you! Thank you so so much for checking up on me, you precious hooman! And I am ecstatic to hear that you got the credit! Yay! I hope law school treats you well (funny story, there’s an au that my friend just dropped and the ml’s a law student. 😅🤭 it’s written in filo tho soooo hehhe)

I am also happy to hear from you! Thank you for letting me know about your new blog!

- always always rooting for you, dearie! 😘😘

#💌 countessqin #ahhhhhhhhh #i am serious in keeping you #in my pocket #please be happy always

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brokenhardies · 2 years

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a scene for James in school reunion maybe?

only 647 words but i wanted to write my boy meeting his dad for the first time!

“Hey, word of advice? Stay away from the chips.”

Sarah Jane looked at the teenage boy beside her and sighed. James, in spite of his youthful appearance, had more knowledge of the world than he let on. He looked about 14 years old, but it was clear by his mannerisms he behaved much older than that. She shook her head.

“I don’t think any of this has to do with the chips, James.”

“Yeah.” James shrugged, “But they looked weird. Like they were glowin’ or something.”

And that wasn’t the strangest thing the pair had encountered during their brief stay in Hawthorn Hall. Three months prior, most of the staff had been replaced due to a sudden influx of the flu — sure, there’d been an uptake in exam results, but the kids were blindingly intelligent. Especially in Mathematics. James was able to pass as smart enough to get a full-ride scholarship into the school, coincidentally at the same time Sarah Jane - his foster mother - decided to get a ‘profile’ on the new headmaster - Mr Finch - for the Sunday Times. In reality, it was closer to a sting operation.

Of course, coincidentally, at the same exact time, a mysterious teacher and dinner lady showed up at the school. James didn’t see this as odd – probably another pair of reporters seeking the incident out. However, Mr Smith and he had a slight connection. A slight… odd connection, that James couldn’t place. Oh well. He spat out his gum in a garbage bin near the back entrance. It was after hours, and no one would notice that a student had arrived out of uniform alongside his mother. He looked up at Sarah Jane, who saw him spit his gum into the garbage bin and raised a brow.

“What did you expect me to do?” He asked, somewhat innocently, “Spit it on the floor?”

Sarah Jane frowned. “Let’s get going, shall we?”

And the pair entered the school, chasing around skittering and wings flapping, creatures that appeared to be sleeping in the school in disguise as the ‘new’ teachers. This would be odd to most people. Most people hadn’t been through what Sarah Jane had – when you’ve interacted with mummies, robots, daleks, anti-matter monsters, real living dinosaurs and The Loch Ness Monster (and the list went longer than she could’ve even thought) - this was barely scratching the surface. Of course, that was until the pair went into the storage locker…

And saw a blue police phone box. Sarah Jane blinked. It was as if she’d seen a ghost. And then the ghost appeared before her.

“Hello, Sarah Jane.”

It was Mr Smith. James turned his head around to face the man, now dressed in a trench coat over his dark, pinstriped suit. He blinked at the man, eyes wide. Something was even more familiar now that he saw the teacher in the light of the room, illuminated by the blue phone box. Sarah Jane was almost crying.

“It's you.” She exclaimed, “Oh, Doctor!” She walked forward to the man, “Oh my God, it’s you, isn’t it?” She then paused, looking him up and down. “You’ve regenerated, haven’t you?”

“Yeah,” The man smiled, “Half a dozen times since we last met.”

“You look incredible!”

“So do you.” He complimented, causing Sarah Jane to blush.

“Huh. I got old.”

“Um…” James interjected, raising a hand like he’d been called on in class. “Am I interrupting something?”

Sarah Jane turned to face him and gestured to him. “Oh! Right!”

James immediately walked over to join his adopted mother by the side, and that’s when the strange connection got stronger. Almost tingling in the back of James’s head. He knew who this man was. He wasn’t Mr John Smith, an ordinary teacher at a somewhat abnormal prep school in England… He was someone so much more.

“Doctor,” Sarah Jane introduced, “This is my son, James.”

For a second, the Doctor looked up, eyes wide in confusion, as James gave the older man a little wave.

“Hi, Dad.”

“What?!”

#ocappreciation #ocapp #ochub #queerocs #doctor who oc #OC: James #story: life on mars #this is a snippet from the first story? im writing a bit more at some point lol

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echoesagain · 10 months

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Don’t often include trigger warnings but this includes (mild) self-harm and mental health shit. You’ve been warned

Probably going to be a long one this time. It’s been a while since the last one (at least it’s felt like ages), doesn’t affect much anyway. Uni exams all done, my time is coming to an end for first year. Back home, smiles, drinks and making more drunk mistakes- what more could a 19 year old physics student want?

So, a lot of shit has happened, as you’d expect. I got a very interesting book called Radio Silence by Alice Oseman and holy fuck, did it wreck me. For context, the only other Oseman content I had read before this was Heartstopper (web-comic then netflix show) and I thought it was alright, loved the art style. But, wow, she writes incredibly. I haven’t cried in over a decade and that book made me have to hold back full on sobs. I had to put it down several times to curl up into a ball and try and block out the avalanche of noise, the tirade of life bearing down on me. I am convinced I had some kind of mental episode as I ended up balling up a fist and pounding it into my desk again and again until the feeling of air on my knuckles caused me to wince, the mere idea of twitching a finger caused me agony.

Quick break- I am not mentally ill. I have never exhibited any mental symptoms before this nor since. I can’t explain why or justify myself, I just felt the urge to let it all out while reading it. In that sense, Radio Silence was one of the most cathartic books I’ve ever read. I promptly bought Solitaire and Loveless and read them in similar “all-at-once” fashions but without the whole going completely fucking insane. Reading this all back, I seem like a troll or an attention-seeker. I promise, I am only the latter, my previous posts are more than enough evidence of that. The worst part is, I don’t know exactly what about Radio Silence caused it to happen. I don’t relate to any of the characters that much (no more than other fictitious characters) and the plot has no resemblance of my life or experiences other than I’m a first year uni student.

It scared me. I scared me. It was such a rush of emotions from nothing and, believe me, I have reread that book three times in as many days (and yes, I got it three days ago). I have had similar reactions each time but I managed to avoid pulping my fist on each re-read. I have found no particular character, plot development or even sentence that had any cause to distress me so. All I know is, that book causes me to slowly build tension in my body until it all comes out and ruins me. I didn’t sleep at all yesterday and I’m writing this at 1:05 am at the uni football pitches working on around 40 hours since I last slept.

For christs sake, I relate to Georgia Warr more than Aled, Frances or Daniel yet for some fucking reason, I can’t let it go. Yeah, apologies that this blog became a kind of fucked up book review/ rant. For what it’s worth, the book is incredible and I cannot describe my experience as negative, only very confusing but very, very interesting. 9/10 because I cannot justify self harm.

Now, I’m forced to question my mental health. I’m hoping it was just a one-off, freak accident caused by decades of bottling up my emotions (#toxicmasculinityftw) but I can’t call myself a self- respecting physicist and write something off as a “random error”, especially when that something is as big as this. Maybe I do relate to Frances or Aled or Daniel more than I thought I did and I just didn’t realise it. Maybe I just got so immersed in the writing style that I just felt so empathetic towards the characters (especially Aled) that I couldn’t help it? Honestly, who knows and, frankly, speculation on a bench at 1:13 am will get me no where. I passed several parties of people on my way here, all presumably celebrating exams end and I couldn’t help but wonder if I envied them or if I’d sooner shoot myself than be in such an environment. Maybe it’s all to do with company.

Sorry, getting too speculative again. All I know is, I need to read Radio Silence again, Alice Oseman is a phenomenal writer and their writing style is just so relatable (maybe that’s how 50’s kids felt when they read Catcher in the Rye? Idk, I enjoyed it but the writing was “so phony” and it “killed me”). Regardless, more research is needed, I’ve never felt more confused (and that’s coming from someone who still isn’t sure of their sexuality) and I need some chips. Until next time!

#mental health #alice oseman #radio silence #tw self destructive behavior #sorry for rambling #sleep deprived thoughts #need chips #life #andhowtoliveit #me #myself #andi #sorry for the angst

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poifect · 1 year

Text

frustrated 12/4/22

let’s go backwards

I just got home from going bowling with my family and their friends...

I saw my best friend’s story of her and other girl friends going out in their cute ass fits and make up and the only thing I wanted more than anything was to look as good and hangout with the hot girl group :’( But I couldn’t because I was with my family and we were going home and that was that. I don’t have the option to do things at my own choosing. It has to have had consultation from everyone I’ve ever met in my life and their grandmothers blessings.

I thought about if I had no rules and no one’s opinion to consider, the only thing I wanted to do was to go out with my bestie and her friends and be a hot girl and have jun flaunting being a hot girl.

Yet, here I was in the back of the family SUV almost at our one way road and I knew I had no choice. I had no control. If it wasn’t my mom, it would be my boyfriend. Which is the perfect segue to transport us to a conversation a few hours ago...

“Okay I have to tell you something and uhhh **** called me at 6 in the morning today because she was in the hospital from being drugged at Ricks last night. Of course I wasn’t awake at that time to answer the call, but she texted me and said she was hospitalized. I hope you’re not mad.”

Here’s a question for you reader: Would you have thought that entire situation would have made me mad? Do you think I would be mad about that? Why the fuck would I be mad about that? Unless you fucking roofied the girl yourself.?

I said that exact sentence to him and he said why am I acting like this? My voice and tone are being mean. “Bulgan, why are you being like this?

Excuse me, what do you mean, sir?

So I try to pull myself together and just mutter things like okay and sure. After quite a few roundabouts in the conversation world, we seem to be making headway for wrapping this conversation, and I say “ I am glad she’s home and I’m glad she’s okay”. “Are you sure?”

Another question for the reader, would you have answered that as “Yeah, me too” rather than “Are you sure”. SO you’re probably thinking holy shit she wouldn’t want this girl to be okay? Jesus something really bad must’ve happened and this girl wants revenge.

(Un) Fortunately nothing of that sort has happened. Although maybe it has. It is pretty unclear.

But because I’m writing this, I’ll tell you my side. This girl who’s 7 years younger than my partner has been in love with him and has wanted to use every single use to contact him and to have him by her side. He has. Because they’re good friends. But I think her motive is much more than just friends. But my partner apparently just doesn’t see it. In his eyes, it’s just this nice friend needing his help for the most ridiculous things like borrowing a pencil for her exam that she’s running late to or having him create a playlist blend together because he simply did not enough about metal rock!!! “WHAT? YOU’RE 27 AND DON’T KNOW ABOUT ROCKKK???? NO WAY I AM SO YOUNG AND I LOVE ROCK. IT MAKES ME SUPER FUCKING UNIQUE AND I AM JUST SO DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE! WE SHOULD WATCH BREAKING FUCKING BAD CAUSE IT’S THE LONGEST SHOW ON EARTH WHICH MEANS I CAN SPEND AS MUCH TIME WITH YOU AS FUCKING POSSIBLE.”

“uh ok yeah sure dude whatever I’m high”

That is a snippet of how I imagine their interaction goes. But also I have no fucking idea and perhaps my partner lets go on things more than he says he does.

Final question, but in 2 parts.

1. Would you be reaching out to a guy friend you haven’t really talked to in a few months who has a gf, at 6am, saying you’re at the hospital?

1.a. If so, why would you? unless...?

1.a.b.If you’re the author’s partner, what do you make of this? Would you not be suspect that this girl really needs and likes you? Wouldn’t you want to make it clear that is not the case since you’ve clearly found your soulmate that she shouldn’t really think of him as her emergency contact???

1.a.b.c LOL idk how the sub labels work but idgaf. Wouldn’t you be updating your partner as these messages and calls are arriving? Not continuing talking to this female (lol I purposely chose female smd) and then telling your partner 8 hours later and somehow still making it her fault?

2. I don’t remember.

I am sad and I feel trapped without any choice in my life.

Goodnight, strangers.

My bf is asleep and not talking to me in the evening hours because somehow he just accidentally goes to bed without knowing how tired he is.

Fuck this shit.

I am drunk and high writing out my feelings. yay.

go 25 me :P

suck my fucking asshole and suck my fucking clitoris.

#smh

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artsy-sazy · 2 years

Text

My experience with getting out of burnout

So as I've mentioned, I basically disappeared from the Internet, lurking in the shadows, for over a year.

What happened? One random day, May 2021, I didn't have the drive to draw anything. I thought "Oh great! Another art block. Oh well, it'll go away in week I'm sure." So I decided to wait for it to pass and just chill for a bit. I waited, and waited, and waited, aaaand wai- WAIT IT'S BEEN FIVE MONTHS!?

So yeah... five months passed since I last even grabbed a pencil, when I finally started to worry. At this point I was trying to force myself to draw just ANYTHING, but it just didn't work. I either didn't have the drive for it or I had no clue what to draw.

I came to the conclusion that it's probably because of the extra stress I've been under from school (cause I was graduating). But even after all my exams were dealt with I still couldn't get myself to make anything.

"Maybe it's a sign. Maybe this whole art thing isn't actually for me." I legit thought about throwing in the towel for good on multiple occasions, but I didn't want to. Obviously. I've been drawing since I was a kid and always loved it, why would that now suddenly change. But I just didn't know what to do.

I just did what I'm great at: look for random posts from random people on the Internet and see if anyone has gone through something similar and what they did. In that search I became ever more familiar with the concept of burnout and it's effect on people.

I realised that I was experiencing burnout, and I realised why. I've been putting too much pressure on myself, on the quality of my art, and the amount of it. I was taking it way too seriously.

I'm not (yet) a professional, so why am I so hard on myself about the quality? Because the people whose work I look up to and admire are a thousand times better than mine. I tried to rush to get even close to their level. I would get extremely disappointed that my art didn't work out as I wanted and go "Why do I even bother? I'll never be as good as X or Y." You know, maybe that's true, I'll never be as good as them, but also I so far just didn't have the time to get to their level. I'm turning 20 next month, some of the people I look up to are in their 30s or 40s, they have been in the industry for literal DECADES. I haven't had the time to get to their level, because I just haven't been alive for long enough yet. For some reason I didn't realise this until like six months ago.

This finally allowed me to go easier on myself. Sure, I'm not yet as good as want to be, but I'm was still improving and that's the thing that should matter. After some thought, I decided to take it easy, for real this time. I started to revisit old movies a shows I remembered loving as kid, to try to go back to where my mind was when I decided to take art more seriously. I finally took the opportunity to play some games I've been meaning to for a while, and even replay older ones I liked.

A couple months go by when one day I was suddenly... bored. I didn't want to play anything, I didn't have it in me to sit down and watch something, instead I instinctively reached for my sketchbook and pencil! And then I started doodling some random shit! It wasn't a lot, but it was a start.

I've spent the past 4 months getting back into drawing regularly. It started with small steps, a small sketch here, some doodles there, and sometimes I fell back a little bit. One of those times was the occasion that gave me the idea to also start writing. I was getting so many ideas for things in my head, but I didn't yet have enough drive to visualise them, so I decided to write them down instead. This made for me to now have two creative outlets, so if I'm not feeling like doing one, I can always do the other.

I am still working on getting my old rhythm back and draw more frequently, but I'm making sure that I don't over work myself and that I don't take the art I make too seriously, it is supposed be fun after all. And boy have I been having fun lately!

So yeah.. things are finally looking brighter and I can't wait to start working on all the new ideas I've accumulated these past months. :)

btw this video by Adam Duff helped me out a lot with figuring out how to get my spark back and it’s great

#just wanted to ramble about it a bit #wanted to have this for future refrence #mental health #burnout #recovery

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sukirichi · 3 years

Note

Breakfast for Choso with ingredients #17 and 34 with #2 sugar? Wine is optional.

EASY

— Nothing is ever easy with Choso, but for him, you’d push through hell and back.

meal order: breakfast + 17, 34 (fake dating, rentboy au) + 2 (enemies to lovers) + biting, scratching, choso eating reader out, sex on the beach

warnings: mature content, unedited fic, choso is mean and harsh when he’s angry

notes: thank you so much for this anon! I really enjoyed writing this and this totally made my day. I hope you like it!

word count: 10k+ LOL CHOSO BRAIN ROT

check out the fanart @tigressnej-chan made, it s so beautiful HURRR

Your day was absolutely ruined. Dark, deep bags covered your under eyes as you stormed through the convenience store downstairs your apartment, body clad in an oversized hoodie and socks visible through slippers, hair greasy and lips chapped. You’re aware you look like a mess, but did you care?

Absolutely not, especially when you haven’t been sleeping well the moment you moved into this cursed apartment because of a certain fucker.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. That specific fucker – the cause of your ruin and the devil who prevented you from living a good life – waltzed inside the store, the small bell chiming to signal his presence. You scoffed at his confident, suave walk, further irritated because he just had to be insanely attractive – in an alternative, laid-back kind of way.

He wasn’t even your type; you preferred more refined men who wore pressed suits and leather shoes, but you had to admit this man was insanely attractive.

With deep, sunken eyes, a dark tattoo across the bridge of his nose and dark hair twisted into twin ponytails, large, muscular body covered in a black sweatshirt and a red scarf – he looked very much like a former member of a gang who retired because their barbaric ways wasn’t his thing. It was an odd theory, and you sat there at the corner of the store, glaring at the man who tiredly pressed the coffee maker machine for a dark roast.

As if feeling eyes on him, his lazy eyes slid over to yours, and almost automatically, one corner of his lips tilted up in humor. This fucker knew how much he annoyed you, and he only further pushed your buttons by walking over to you, the steam of his coffee nearly blocking your gaze.

“Good morning,” he greeted sarcastically, well aware that it definitely not a good morning for you.

“Have fun last night, neighbor?”

“Yes.”

“Jeez, you won’t even bother denying it?”

“I see no point in it,” he invited himself by sitting next to you, long legs crossed over his muscular thigh. You found yourself staring at how he seemed so firm even in loose sweatpants, averting your gaze and staring at your soggy ramen noodle cup instead. “And you’re not trying to hide the fact you’re listening, either.”

“I wasn’t listening!” you slammed your fist down the table – he didn’t even flinch, only continuing to sip his coffee as if you weren’t burning in anger beside him – as you hissed, “The walls are too damn thin and you’re so fucking loud.”

“No, I wasn’t. She was loud, though.”

Scoffing, you crossed your arms against your chest. He really was shameless. You already knew this man didn’t have enough shame in his body, but you didn’t think he’d have absolutely nothing.

Upon witnessing your stupefied state, he reached over to knock at your skull. “Still there, princess?” you cringed at his nickname for you; you didn’t even know this guy’s name, for pete’s sake! “Or are you still too bothered by the fact I got some good fucking last night?”

You flicked his arm away from you, nearly seething in your seat. “God, you’re insufferable. I should move out.”

“Yes, I think that would be for the best too,” he nodded to himself as he stared at his now empty coffee cup. Had it been that long already? Apparently, it was, because your noodles turned cold and your neighbor was already leaving your seat, dipping for a mocking bow. “Have a nice day, neighbor. Don’t think of my cock too much,” he teased, even going as far as winking until your jaw dropped.

You watched as he threw the paper cup in the proper bin, a little surprised he was decent enough to do mundane tasks like that. Sometimes, it was so easy to forget your neighbor was also a decent human being, but whatever.

You absolutely, utterly hated him, and you kept mumbling to yourself of the different ways you’d get your revenge on him as he walked out the door, his annoyingly gorgeous ass in view. “Yeah, right,” you scowled to yourself, “As if I can get that image out my mind now.”

He would not be an easy feat.

Despite your constant pleas for him to at least be silent during the weekdays to give you enough peace of mind to study for the finals, he didn’t stop. Hours just after the sun sets, you’d hear giggles and sloppy kisses on the hallway.

No matter how much you pressed your hands into your ears and set your music on full volume to block out the noise, you could always hear them.

Your neighbor was undeniably a fuckboy.

Every night, he’d have a different girl dangling in his arms. You knew, because the voices squealing his name while he fucked them right next door were always different. Some days, it was deep and throaty, and on other days it’d be high-pitched and nearly scraping at your ears. They all said the same thing though, such as fuck, right there, you feel so good or harder, harder, please, I’m so close!

To say you were traumatized was an understatement. You never wanted to hear such things again, but alas, your neighbor apparently couldn’t give a single shit because he was fucking someone again.

As if things couldn’t get worse, the person he brought home this time around just had to have the most fucking annoying voice ever. Or maybe it sounded like the others, but you were in the middle of memorizing veins and brain chemicals in alphabetical harder when you heard the headboard of his bed slam against your wall, the sound hard and loud enough you dropped your book in surprise.

They didn’t stop. If anything, he kept going harder until nothing but his low sexy groans and his partner’s screaming – that was right, she was fucking screaming – like she was having her insides rearranged.

You didn’t doubt the possibility that maybe she really was. Your neighbor was such a huge, attractive guy, after all, it would make sense he was capable of such. Before you knew it, you could no longer understand the words in your textbook. You kept rereading the same line over and over again, but nothing registered into your mind. You were so close to screaming at them to stop and shut the fuck up because it was three in the morning and they were still going at it, but you weren’t that mean.

Yes, you hated him, but you weren’t going to blue ball someone or make sex awkward. Sex with your ex was always awkward, so you knew how painful it was to live with that memory. No matter how much you hated your neighbor, you wouldn’t go that far.

So you trudged all the way up to the building’s public balcony, bringing a blanket with you to survive the chilly bite of the night.

You used your phone’s flashlight to read all over the textbooks, keeping your little note cards organized and color coded beside you. Finally, you could make sense of things a little bit more, and you chugged at your Red Bull to keep you awake. Time passed by so fast whenever you were lost with your nose stuck in a book, and your attention was only ripped away when the balcony door swung open, revealing your neighbor with messed up hair and bruised lips.

He looked totally fucked out.

“Oh, fuck, no – what are you doing here?”

“This balcony is for all tenants,” your neighbor barely blinked as he walked closer to you, but instead of joining you on the table, he leaned against the railings and stared into the night sky. He seemed so placid, a little approachable despite his intimidating face even, and for a moment, you were studying his sharp, masculine features before he turned your way with a passive face. “Last time I checked, I’m a tenant, therefore I have the rights to be here.”

“I don’t care,” you retorted childishly, pulling your books closer to you as if he wanted to steal it. He only raised a brow at your actions, the large muscles of his arms bulging up from where he stood.

It felt so hard to not salivate at the sight, but for the sake of your pride, you had to push those thoughts down and remind yourself why you hated him so much. “I evoke your rights. You’re not welcome here.”

“You’re awfully harsh to a stranger.”

“You’re not a stranger, you’re my neighbor who brings girls in his home every night and I can never get a wink of sleep because all I can hear is them moaning and the sound of balls slapping!”

“Vulgar,” he smirked, and he had no business looking so attractive with that arrogant smirk on his face that it took all energy you had in you to not whack him with your book.

“I think I deserve an apology.”

“I think you should mind your business.”

You stood up with a scowl, nearly shoving the book right in his chest. “Bro, I’m this close to slapping this book right in your pretty face. You see how thick this is? I’m not kidding, this will hurt. Listen, I’ve got a final exam and a suture practice this weekend. All I’m asking for is just a few hours of sleep – that’s all. I just don’t get why you always seem to be balls deep in someone at every god forsaken hour; I can’t focus on my work when the noises are so distracting. At this point, I remember their begging more than I’m familiar with nerves. I need to study, okay? I really want to graduate.”

He fell silent at your sudden rant, then, he tilted his head to the side, a small smile on his lips. “You think I have a pretty face?”

“After everything I said, that’s all you remember?”

“It’s kind of hard to listen to every word when I’m distracted by your eyes.”

His comment caught you off-guard, and your eyes widened, arm coming up to hide your face that soon began to felt warm. He only chuckled at your reaction, the sound deep and throaty that it went right straight into the pools of your belly. “My eyes – what are you talking about? Seriously, what’s wrong with you? You’re so creepy!”

“Hmm,” he snickered, “That’s the first time I’ve heard that.”

“What, no one tells you you’re creepy?”

“No, people always say I’m handsome,” he said it with such a straight face that you gave him an are you serious look, and he raised one shoulder to shrug. “I’m surprised you’re not attracted to me, to be honest.”

“Wow,” you drawled out, shaking your head with a laugh as you plopped down back to your seat in defeat. “Aren’t you full of surprises? First, I get a really horny man as my next door neighbor who keeps me up at night with his shenanigans, and now he’s got the audacity to ask me why I’m not attracted to him?”

“I mean,” he scrunched his nose cutely, a huge contrast to his domineering stature. “Why aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I give up. I’m just gonna crash at my friends tonight,” you mumbled to yourself while gathering your things, leaving your neighbor all by himself. As you reached the door, you called out to him one more time, “Oh, and by the way, you reek of pussy. Go shower or something.”

“So how’s your exams going?”

“They’re fine,” you lied through gritted teeth, slicing through the fish a lot harsher than you intended. The knife scraped against the plate and you winced at the sound, ignoring your father’s loud munching. “Not too much of a big deal. My professors are nice and my classmates are nice too. I’m fitting in really well and I think I’ll even come out on top of my class this time if it weren’t for that stupid little bastard…” your last words ended up as a whisper, eyes glazing to the side as you glared at nothing in particular.

“Stupid little what?”

“Nothing, nothing,” you waved your hand in the air, “Someone’s just distracting me from my studies, is all.”

At the mention of someone distracting your usually composed and unbothered self, your father straightened up in his seat, a large smile on his face that made him look younger than he really was. “Is it a guy? Do you finally have a boyfriend?”

“Ugh, dad, really, you’re the only father who’s so eager for his daughter to have a boyfriend. Shouldn’t you be more proud that, I don’t know, I’m pretty and smart? I don’t need a boyfriend or anything.”

Your father nodded, “True, you don’t need them, but trust me when I say life is going to get pretty lonely when you grow old and you’re all by yourself. It’s still better – and life is a lot happier – when you’ve got a stable supporting and loving figure in your life.”

“I have you for that.”

“And you always will,” he patted your hand gently across the table, “But a parent won’t always be there for their child, and if you’re still not prepared for the future or ready to stand on your own two feet, then that means I didn’t do a great job at raising you; that means I’ve failed as a parent. Tell me, have I failed? Have I raised my wonderful daughter to be so repulsed by the idea of love that she’s willingly closing her doors and locking herself away in isolation?”

“No…”

“I didn’t think so,” he grinned to himself, and you watched with a frown as his eyes crinkled in happiness. Your father was such the complete opposite of you; he was always so loving and open to everyone, while you were mopey and afraid of attachment.

“Don’t be too afraid to love, child. It’s one of the most wonderful things in this world – it’s a blessing – the absolute core of our being. Why do we exist if not to love?”

“Not everyone is a romantic like you, dad,” you sighed, “Plus…how is it so easy for you to finally find someone after Mom died? Isn’t she your soul mate?” you questioned, putting your fork and knife down as you looked your father in the eye. “I just can’t believe you’re getting married again.”

“It’s already been years since she passed away, Y/N. And yes, she is my soul mate, but that doesn’t mean I’m incapable of loving someone again. Our hearts aren’t limited like that, and your mother wouldn’t want me to keep mourning her when she’s resting in peace,” he gestured to the both of you after swallowing his food, “She would’ve wanted the both of us to be happy.”

At the mention of your passed mother, your shoulders deflated, and your eyes watered at the thought of her kind smile. You wished you could see that again.

“I miss her…”

“I know, child, I know,” your father smiled encouragingly, “I also know the reason you’re so afraid to love is because you’re scared they’ll end up leaving you too, like how your mom just slipped past our fingers like that, but it’s only her body that withered. She’s still with us, right in our hearts and in our memories.”

“You really do sound like a lovesick fool.”

“That’s because I am,” your father laughed with a slap to his knees. When his phone buzzed for his alarm, he quickly dabbed a towel on his lips, standing up to excuse himself. “Now, this lunch was lovely and I dearly missed you, but I need to go back to work. We doctors just never get a break. This is a life you have to prepare for if you want to follow my footsteps.”

“I won’t follow your footsteps – I’ll surpass you.”

“I’ll be waiting for that to happen then,” he announced proudly; pride bursting in his chest at how determined his daughter was. “Oh, and Y/N?”

“Yes?” You squinted at the mischievous look in his eyes, wary of what your cunning father had in mind this time.

“You won’t outsmart me. You better bring a boyfriend or at least introduce someone to me on the wedding – or else I’m pulling you out of the university hospital.”

“Wha – Dad, that’s not fair!��

“All is fair in love and war, child, you’ll learn soon.”

“Oh, I just hate men!”

You really did hate men.

Your final exam was tomorrow already and you’d lost count of the coffee and Red Bull you’ve inhaled today, all so you could study one last time for the test, but no, something – or rather someone – just had to get in your way.

“I’ve had enough,” you announced before slamming your door open; not hesitating as your fists came banging down on your neighbor’s door. “Hey! Keep it the fuck down – someone’s trying to study here! Seriously, man, is it really that hard for you to keep it in your pants for one night? This is what, the sixth woman you’ve had around the past four days? Don’t you get tired? Because I sure as hell am very tired of you!”

The moans and the sounds of bed creaking stopped. For a moment, you almost smirked to yourself when they fell silent.

If only you knew it would be that easy to shut them up, you would’ve done so long ago. You were about to turn back into your room when his door swung open, and you were met by his sweaty and muscular chest heaving up and down – either in anger or from his previous activities – you couldn’t tell.

Your throat felt dry as you peered at him under your lashes, almost afraid of the way he loomed over you. Thank goodness he found the time to wear pants, though, because had he been baby naked, you would’ve run for the hills already.

His dark eyes cut through yours as he seethed, “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m the one who wants to ask you that,” you were surprised to find your voice despite the way your pussy actually ached just by the sight of his chiseled body, but when you did, you forced yourself to stand up taller, refusing to back down from his gaze. “It’s literally three in the morning and you’re about to fuck a hole through my wall!”

“I thought you said you’d be crashing at your friends. What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know I had to have your permission to come back home. Next time, I’ll give you a heads-up, good sir. And for your information, unlike you, I actually don’t like bothering the people around me so I came home. Now would you please kick her out and shut the fuck up for once?”

“Babe, are you coming back here or what?”

Red acrylic nails wound from his body out of nowhere, and your mouth fell open as you watched the naked woman press kisses on the blades of his shoulder. You were conflicted, torn between feeling jealous that she got to touch him like that because damn was he fine, but you also felt appalled your neighbor would be this type of person.

“Babe?” you repeated with a sarcastic laugh.

Stepping away from your neighbor’s tempting pecs, you waved to the stunning woman behind him. “Hi, I’m his neighbor, I don’t mean to be a cock block or anything but I’ve been a witness to his fuckboy ways for months now. If you think you’re special to him, I assure you, you’re not. Yesterday he was just banging two girls until the sunrise. If you’re really as sane as I hope you are, I suggest you skedaddle before this man feeds you with more lies. You’re not special, hun, he’s just going to fuck everything that walks on two legs.”

“Is that true?”

“Nadia, you know how this works—”

“I was literally just on the phone with you last night!” the woman named Nadia pushed him away, but because he was bigger, he didn’t budge. Nadia turned to you, her lipstick smudged and a suspicious white stain on the edge of her lips. You couldn’t even bring yourself to look down her head, and you and your neighbor both watched as she got dressed and left, hands up in the air. “Thank you for this. I should’ve known better than to waste time and money on him.”

You snickered as Nadia pressed on the elevator buttons, a scowl sent his way. Turning to him with pride swelling up in your chest, you smirked, “How does it feel—”

“Happy now?” he growled, his eyes so dark and slit into tiny cuts you took a step back, your heart pumping frantically for different reasons. You never thought he’d be this bothered for not being able to bust a nut. “Satisfied now, Y/N? Do you even realize what you’ve just done?”

“Uhm, yes,” you scoffed, matching his tone. “I just saved that poor girl’s life. Who else knows what you would’ve done and said to her. We don’t deserve to be looked down on and treated like this, you know.”

“Neither did I. I’m just doing my job.”

“Job? You don’t even have a job! You don’t even go to university for fuck’s sake – your apartment is rundown and smells like sour cunt and feet! Maybe you should even thank me because I’m trying to give you ideas on better things to do!”

“Yeah, and be like you?” he snapped, tugging at the strings of your hoodie until you fell a step forward. “Dressed in loose shirts to hide the fact you’ve got no tits and your ass is flatter than your back? Lying to her neighbor that she’ll crash somewhere but ends up waddling back home anyway because she’s always cooped up in her apartment studying to prove that she’s not as worthless as she is and that she doesn’t have a life or friends to begin with?” tears pooled at your eyes at his words, and you knew it hurt because it was true, but did he really have to say it that way?

However, his anger got the best of him, and he didn’t stop there. “I don’t want to be like you. I don’t want to skip meals and lose sleep studying for something I don’t care about because I don’t know anything else other than following daddy’s footsteps so he’d notice me more than his new bride. I’m happy with my life.”

“How did—”

“Like you said, the walls are thin. You’re not exactly so quiet to yourself, neighbor. It’s kind of pathetic you talk to the walls when you think I’m asleep because you’ve got no one else to talk to.”

Hands balled into fists at your side, you stood on your tiptoes to spit the words out. “You’re a terrible human being,” no matter how much you tried to exert dominance over him, your lips still quivered as you fought back the urge to cry. “Go fuck yourself.”

“You’re the one who needs to go fuck yourself and get laid,” he didn’t let you have another word as he slammed the door in your face, but you still heard him through the door anyway. “Uptight bitch.”

You were wrong.

Your neighbor wasn’t just difficult – he was completely impossible.

[Dad:] Don’t forget your date!

[You:] Dad…don’t push it.

[Dad:] I find it hard to believe my beautiful daughter can’t have one. Go out there and make some friends, Y/N, I know you isolate yourself too much. It doesn’t even have to be a boyfriend. You could date a girl for all I care. I just don’t want you to be too bored at the wedding. Bring a friend.

[You:] Fine, fine, okay.

[Dad:] But a boyfriend would still be better. Your old man isn’t getting any younger and I want grandkids in the future.

[You:] Dad!

[Dad:] love ya kid !

And so it was the turn of your events that had you groaning in your swiveling chair, the grip on your phone so tight you wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up breaking it. As if your week couldn’t get any more horrible with your neighbor’s hurtful words still living at the back of your mind, your father hadn’t stopped talking about you to his co-workers and his equally crazy mother that your grandmother didn’t waste time in calling you.

You loved your nan, you really did, but more often than not, she was much more of a pain in the ass than your father was. The old woman was ruthless, shooting you question by question on why her pretty granddaughter was still single, then came the demeaning comments of how you “weren’t living life to the fullest.”

Frustration eating away at you, you let out a silent scream.

The escort site blinked back at you mockingly, temptingly, as if to remind you that your problems could easily be solved with just a click. You chastised yourself for always having the need to solve problems fast and as easily as you could, because before you even realized what you were doing, your heart started beating a mile a minute as the other line kept ringing.

You ended up lying to your grandmother that yes, nan, I have a boyfriend, can I study for my exams now please, to which the pressing woman responded with, oh, finally! well, I won’t bother you anymore. study well, my dear, I can’t wait to see him!

Just thinking about how she would react if you came alone at your father’s wedding had you breaking out in a sweat, and you chewed at your nails while waiting for the site to pick up.

You were truly desperate now, so much so that you were actually calling a rental boy site.

“Good afternoon, thank you for calling Kamo Escorts! I’m Ijichi, here to assist you. What can I help you with?”

You held back a really painful cringe, biting the insides of your cheek as you got your heart to calm down. “Uhm, yeah…so this is like my first time c-calling a site like this and I don’t know what to do but…yeah.”

“I see, we get new callers too. Would you like a guide?”

“Yes, please, that’d be great thank you.”

“Kamo Escorts is all about, well, as you can see on our webpage – we have men and even women you can hire to escort you on special events. We mostly cater to clients who only need a pretty face to dangle off their arm for social company or even care, or whatever reasons the client may have and the relationship is purely business and professional, but in some cases, the escorts may have sex with the client too under the condition they are paid more.”

The gasp that left your lips was barely stifled, and you furrowed your brows at the implication. “Wh-what, so that’s like a real thing? Isn’t this…?”

Ijichi chuckled from the other line, almost as if he’d been asked this question many times before. “In a way, it is, which is why Kamo Escorts is commercially advertised for purely social company only. You may, however, negotiate with your escort if you would like more services, but we do require that you keep our escorts’ dignity and not look down on them. The service we provide may not be your typical honorable one, but we are dedicated and equally eager to be of service to this society. Should we find that you’re dehumanizing or harassing our escort, we won’t hesitate to…take some action,” the light warning of his tone didn’t go unnoticed by you, and Ijichi took note of your hesitant silence. “Would you still like to proceed?”

“Ye-yeah, I didn’t want the sex anyway.”

“Very well, then. What event are we looking for?”

“It’s for a relative’s wedding,” you supplied, “I need a date.”

“Any preference in escorts? Male, female, tall, short, sociable or introverted?”

Your eyes widened, your back flattening against your chair. “Oh, wow, so this is like a Build-A-Bear, okay, wait,” you chewed your nails again, racking up on your mind on who or what exactly you liked. “My ideal guy is…someone tall, and has pretty broad shoulders…I think I prefer a more introverted one too because people with too much energy sort of drains me…and someone caring and attentive, yes. Handsome too – but if that’s too much to ask for then—”

“It’s okay, Miss. I assure you all our escorts are definitely blessed in the gene department.”

At his confidence, you scrunched your nose and made yourself small on your chair. “Okay, but now that you say it, if he’s too handsome then I’m going to look like a potato next to him.”

“We’ll find someone compatible for you; we always never fail to please our clients. We’ll be able to match you with a more suitable escort if you’re more descriptive with what you want.”

“Okay, okay,” you continued, “Oh, and I like guys with long hair too, but really, anything is fine. I just want someone to effortlessly pretend they’re enamored after just one date and that they’re very glad to be there with me on the wedding. It’s even better if they’re introverted but can communicate well and isn’t shy at all. My relatives are kind of…freaky.”

Freaky couldn’t even begin to describe the chaos of your relatives.

In fact, had you not been paying for this service, you would’ve almost felt bad for the guy. He had no idea what he had coming for him – but then again, neither did you.

“I think we’ve got just the perfect guy for you,” Ijichi answered after a beat, “May I ask when is this event and how long you’d like to book the escort service for?”

“The event is in two weeks. I don’t need to meet him before the wedding because I’m very busy with exams, so I hope this guy can just act really well. As for the duration…I think just one day is enough. After the wedding, I’m coming right back home.”

“Convenient then,” he mused to himself, and you heard slight clicking from his side. “Let’s see…someone introverted and able to communicate well…definitely not Satoru, and his entirely booked by sugar mommies too…” Ijichi whispered to himself, followed by a slight humorous snort. “One last question: would you like someone older, younger, or the same age as you?”

“I’m in uni – I’d be more comfortable if they were closer to my age.”

“Oh, perfect, his schedule is oddly open for the whole month. Wonder what happened, he’s barely had free slots before…” the man was speaking to himself again, and you sat there pouting, even more dumbfounded at how this whole process worked.

Ijichi talked about this escort service and guided you so easily you almost couldn’t believe that it was as…simple as that. You didn’t know what you were expecting, but deep down in your mind, you were waiting for something fishy or weird to happen.

“I found someone for you. He’s one of our best escorts and I believe he’ll be great for this event. However, due to privacy issues, the disclosure of contacts and personal information can only happen once the escort agrees to this service. We’ll shortly get back to you if he’s up for the job. If not, I’ll find you another one quickly; you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Okay, thank you so much!”

“It’s our pleasure. Thank you for contacting Kamo Escorts – we hope to see you again!”

Once the call ended, you fell back on your bed with a sigh. Your neighbor wasn’t around the whole day, leaving you in peace and silence, and you took advantage of the rare quietness by pulling out a book. Hours passed, and you were nearly finished with half the textbook, fingers slightly numb from practicing sutures over and over again when your phone lit up with a text.

It came from an unknown number, but the words were loud and clear. Hey, this is Choso, I’ll be your escort for the wedding. Please text me here for the details and what else you expect from my service. I’m only a text and call away, please don’t hesitate to ask me for anything else.

You blinked at your phone, unsure of how to process the whole thing.

So it was official now – you rented an escort and you had a date for the event. Quite frankly, you were kind of expecting that escorts would be a lot more…flirtatious or even eager to please, but this Choso guy sounded too formal for you to picture yourself having this stranger be a good company for your event. Ijichi sounded so sure though that you no longer questioned it; smiling instead now that you’ve finally solved one of your problems.

Life felt a lot easier.

At around four in the morning, you were too worn out to keep going. Your exam was in the afternoon so you still had plenty of time to sleep, your stomach grumbled, prompting you to leave your unit to get some snacks.

Keys in hand and feet cold in your socks, you locked your door, halting in your steps when you saw your neighbor. Different from his usual comfortable clothing, he was dressed in a formal white shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his large, masculine hands coming up to loosen his tie. He wasn’t aware of your presence, almost blindly walking to his door and sighing. You didn’t miss the fact his shoulders were slumped, and he looked absolutely worn out.

For a moment, you actually felt worried, until you remembered what he said to you.

“What, no pussy to fuck tonight?”

He froze in front of his door for a moment, slightly tilting back to see your aggravated stance. Upon seeing it was just you, he shook his head and turned back to unlock his door. “No thanks to you.”

“Aw, did I ruin your reputation?” you mocked sarcastically, “I’m surprised people aren’t smart enough to pick up the smell of women’s perfume on you already. Seriously, are people that desperate for touch?” It was ironic; you’d never admit it, but you weren’t any better than them. You were equally desperate to be touched despite your aversion to romantic relationships, but he didn’t need to know that.

“It’s normal when you’re someone people are naturally attracted to. Not that you’d get it, of course, because it’s clear you don’t get some.”

“At least my apartment doesn’t smell like pussy.”

“At least I don’t masturbate every night then pass out after one weak orgasm.”

Your cheeks burned at his offhanded comment, and even with his back turned to you, you could see the slight smile tugging at his cheeks. He must’ve felt so cocky, thinking that he’d defeated you, so you blurted out the most intelligent thing possible: “How dare you!” while grabbing onto his shoulders to make him face you. “Look me in the eye and take that back!”

“Whatever you’re planning,” he crooned, head tilted to the side and making strands of his bangs fall over his eyes. He looked absolutely handsome under the flickering lights of the hallway in that moment, and you hated how you weren’t able to take your hands off of his strong shoulders, his masculine and spicy perfume clouding your mind. “It’s not going to work. Surprise surprise, but you’re not as cute as you think you are.”

Your eyes burned with fire, the nerves in your body so closing to popping. He infuriated you so much. “And you’re not as sexy as you believe you are!”

“Oh, yeah?” The positions are suddenly switched as he cornered you beside his doorframe, both of his arms planted beside your head. Because he was taller, he had to lean down to look you in the eye, his warm, minty breath brushing over your lips. You stared at him with wide eyes, fingers raking over the wall in a silent attempt to flee. Upon seeing your pursed lips, he laughed.

“Then why are you so shaky? Do I make you nervous?” his head dipped down, his lips grazing the shell of your ear. “Say…you only pretend to hate me, but you actually wish it was you I’m fucking every night, don’t you? Tell me…do you touch yourself when you hear me eating someone out?”

“I-I’m not—”

Before you could combust under his gaze, he pulled himself away from you, a satisfied smirk on his face at your flustered state. He chuckled lowly, keys spinning on his thick finger. “I was just teasing you, princess. No need to get so worked up.”

“I never want you near me again!”

He raised both brows as if to challenge you, and you knew from the glint in his eyes he was up to no good. “Princess, you jumped on me first.”

“I didn’t!” You shouted, immediately slapping your palm over your lips after realizing people were sleeping. He snickered at your reactions, and you pushed past him back to your unit, suddenly losing the appetite to get your precious snacks. “God, I hate you so much.”

“Believe me, the feeling is mutual.”

Difficult. Unbelievable. Complicated. Idiotic. Nothing was ever easy with him.

“Would you stop fidgeting?” your father scolded from his chair, his body barely moving as the stylists fixed his hair and makeup, but his eyes glared at you from the mirror. “You’re a lot more nervous than I am, and it’s my wedding.”

“Sorry, I can’t help it.”

Your father sighed to himself, standing up after they were done with him. He checked his appearance in the mirror for a while, nodding to himself in satisfaction. It was still a little surreal that he was going to get married again, to a woman half his age of all people, but he was happy, and his bride seemed to really love him too, so you no longer questioned your father’s decisions. He was an adult, anyway, he could make his own decisions.

“You’re waiting for your boyfriend, you say?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s he like?”

You stiffened at the question. Not wanting your sharp-eyed father to pick up on the smallest cues, you lied through your teeth despite not having any idea on who or what kind of person the escort was.

Other than discussing details of how you two supposedly met, conversations had been crisp and short. You were lucky that the escort seemed to be nice and smart enough to not always ask you to explain everything, and he was crisp and curt in his texts too. No flirty or suggestive messages, not even a single emoji. He seemed a little stiff, and while you worried if you could fake chemistry with someone who seemed like a wall, you were also assured by the fact he wasn’t some creep.

“Nice. He’s sweet. You’ll like him.”

“And when did you meet him?”

“Dad, do I have to tell this story all over again?” you groaned, “We met after exams, he goes to a different uni and he studies law—”

“Law. Impressive.”

“Of course you’re impressed,” you rolled your eyes. Coming from a family of doctors and engineers, your father, and pretty much everyone else in the family, also expected that you’d date someone who was equally intelligent and had enough connections in different industries at least. It just so happened you were really lucky your escort also really did study law for a bit before he became an escort; a detail you never got enough explanation for. “He’ll be here anytime soon. Just you wait.”

In reality, you were the one who couldn’t wait.

You were excited and nervous at the same time to see this mysterious escort, and you were in the middle of talking to your father and his bride when someone called you.

“Y/N?”

You turned around with a bright grin. That must be him! You clasped at the hems of your dress so you could meet this mysterious, rigid man properly, but the moment your eyes met his equally startled gaze, you choked on your own breath. “Y-you—”

Choso stood before you; handsome as ever in his suit and tie, his iconic twin tails still there. How ever would your father believe you now that he was a lawyer, especially with his messy hair and face tattoo? You loved it and found it sexy on him, no denying that, but your father was a little bit more traditional. But that aside, it was Choso?!

His professionalism arose and he regained his composure quicker than you did, the smile on his face so natural and alluring even you almost fell for it.

Choso wrapped an arm around your waist before kissing you on the cheek, and the skin felt extremely hot under his lips. You couldn’t move, couldn’t even speak, because Choso was pressed flush against you, and he looked at you with stars shining in his eyes you didn’t know whether to be flattered or afraid.

Maybe a fucked up mix of both.

“I’m sorry I’m late. Traffic was bad,” he explained with a small smile on his lips, and he looked so handsome and smelled so good in that moment you were left gaping at him as he bowed to your father, arm politely extended. “You must be Y/N’s father. It’s very nice to meet you sir. I’m her boyfriend, Choso.”

To your surprise, your father eagerly shook his hand with the brightest grin he’d worn the whole night before he faced you with a laugh. “No way,” he beamed, gesturing to Choso. “He’s your boyfriend? You managed to snag this fine man?”

“Dad!” your ears burned with embarrassment. Choso only laughed; making you painfully aware of his large, warm hand resting at the small of your back.

“I heard you’re a lawyer, son?”

“Yes, sir.”

Your father nodded in approval, the two exchanging over words about what his plans were for the future and how his studies were going. You stood there with a pounding heart, fearful that Choso could fuck up any moment, but he was so effortless and easy going. Had you not been the one paying him, you would’ve been fooled too.

So this was the life of an escort.

“So how much did my daughter pay you?”

“Dad, I didn’t—”

“I mean, there’s no way she actually charmed you with her non-existent social skills. My daughter here can’t even talk to someone and look them in the eye, much less ask someone out, so how did this happen?”

Choso laughed at your father’s lighthearted comment, saving the day for what seemed like the hundredth time already. “I approached her first, sir. We were both eating in this small diner and it was cramped, so we shared tables and started conversation,” Suddenly, his grip tightened on you as he pulled you closer, your ear now resting above the lulling and steady beating of his heart. How was he so calm?

He lightly squeezed your hip and it had you freezing under his touch, stiffening even more when he looked down at you so adoringly. “Guess it went downhill from there.” God, you had no idea who this man was.

“Really? What did you guys talk about?”

Choso opened his mouth to speak, but it was there, that damned glint on those dark eyes again that you clutched at his bicep. He may be damn good at this job, but knowing Choso, he was enjoying this way too much.

Anything you couldn’t predict or control properly was a huge no in your game, and you pulled Choso away before he could say something downright humiliating.

“Dad, just go focus on your wedding. I want to spend time with my boyfriend, okay?” You couldn’t even begin to fathom the inward cringe upon your words, the feeling only worsening when Choso fought back a laugh masked with a cough. Before your father could say anything else, you dragged Choso rather harshly, but he didn’t mind; he followed you obediently. “Come with me. I need to talk to you,” You didn’t stop until you were both alone in a desolated corner, and finally, you hissed at him. “What are you doing here?!”

“I should be asking you the same thing – but it turns out you’re my client.”

“Client? So you really are my escort?”

“Yes, I am.”

“So those women…”

“All my clients,” he confirmed your thoughts. “I assure you they knew what they were getting into. In fact, they were the ones who asked for that special service that caused you to lose your sleep every night. That woman the other day was just pissed because she booked me for three days, but I lied that I was available until the duration she wanted when I wasn’t.”

“You mean you were still working an escort for somebody else?”

He shrugged. “Pretty much.”

“Why did you lie then?”

“It’s more money,” Choso stared down at his hands before his eyes flitted back up to yours, his face unreadable. “I’m saving up so I can move somewhere else. Our apartment isn’t exactly the most ideal considering my profession. I need to find someplace quieter with thicker walls this time,” he smiled, “That way, I’ll no longer bother my sweet neighbor,” your lips felt dry at his words, your tongue darting out to lick at them while Choso scrutinized you under his gaze.

“I have to admit though – you asking for escort service is the last thing I’d ever imagine you doing. Not that I’m complaining since it’s still money in my pocket, but you’re not the most pleasing company to be with.”

“Oh, you bet, Choso. Had I known you were going to be my escort, I would’ve declined long ago,” you groaned, your head dropping in your hands. “What was Ijichi thinking when he said I would be compatible with you?”

“You’re not,” he stated, “But I am compatible with you – as I am with pretty much everyone else. I’m one of the best escorts, and soon you’ll see why.”

You didn’t understand what he meant by then, but it seemed Choso was quite eager to show his skills off when he dragged you back inside the reception event. The whole time, you couldn’t pay attention to anything or anyone else other than Choso. It still felt hard to believe that the whole time, he really was doing his job, and upon seeing how easily he had people believing you two were an item despite you just standing silently beside him, you felt guilty that you disrupted his “work” like that.

Guilt gnawed at you as Choso made everyone laugh, and soon your relatives were cooing, praising you and congratulating you that you were “happy” now.

Back then, you always looked down on him and even called him a mere fuckboy, but Choso was so much more than that. He was intelligent; his past as a lawyer proved that, and whatever happened that caused him to work in this industry kept lingering in your mind.

There was no denying it now.

You respected this man – admired him even.

“And now it’s time to join the newly married couple on the dance floor! Come on, people, bring your dates up here for a twirl!”

You remained planted in your seat, too comfortable with Choso’s jacket draped around your bare shoulders. You’d lost count of how many times your head ducked down for the lack of sleep, and as much as you loved your dad, you wanted nothing more than to go home and rest.

Choso offered his hand to yours, a teasing smile on his face. He wriggled his eyebrows up and down, and he looked so utterly ridiculous that you couldn’t believe the boring man you were texting was the same infuriating yet undeniably attractive bastard who was your neighbor was the same fun. The world is very small, it seemed, and you weren’t sure whether you were brave enough to venture these strange places and feelings.

“Uh-uh. No. I’m not dancing.”

“Two left feet?”

“No, I’m wearing heels. My feet hurts.”

“Then take it off.”

“And get my feet dirty?” you scoffed. As if to prove your point, you snuggled deeper into his jacket that smelled heavenly like him, closing your eyes as you pretended to sleep. “Sitting here isn’t so bad. Plus, look at them, all staring at each other with goo-goo eyes. It’s revolting,” you shuddered.

Through the sickeningly romantic music playing in the background, Choso fell silent. You cracked an eye open, frowning when Choso studied each of your features carefully. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You seem to hate the idea of love.”

“Because it’s pointless.”

Choso narrowed his eyes at your answer, brows bunching up at the way your shoulders squared to keep yourself away. Then, he stood up and sighed, offering his hand to you once more.

“I won’t really ask you to explain why, because frankly, I don’t care,” you stared at his large palms for a few seconds. There must be a ghost possessing your body because you looped your fingers through his and allowed him to guide you on the dance floor despite your mind’s protests, and soon, Choso’s eyes were all over you. “But if you don’t want your money to go down the drain and you really want to convince everyone, I suggest you forget about that mindset for just a few more hours,” his voice dropped down to a low whisper, his forehead pressed to yours. His eyes turned solemn, his hand on your waist gentle. “Dance with me. Let’s show them how madly in love we are with each other.”

“We met just last week, remember?”

“Love at first sight, princess,” Choso kissed your forehead, sending your heart thumping and running to another dimension. Oddly enough, you didn’t mind, and your hands travelled from his strong arms to his broad shoulders instinctively. “Take your heels off. You can step on my feet and I’ll dance for us both. Just put your arms around my neck – yes just like that,” he nodded with a smile when your fingertips nervously played with his hair, and Choso began to dance you both in time with the music. “Are you good?”

“I don’t like this lack of space between us.”

Choso smirked, “Why, do I get you all hot and bothered?”

“Jesus, Choso, you can’t be serious for a minute, huh?”

“It’s kind of hard to be serious when you’re so flustered and adorable right now,” you pulled at his hair in response, but of course, he wasn’t really hurt.

“Look at me,” he demanded, but you refused, keeping your gaze planted on your bare feet on top of his again. “Hey. I said look at me,” he tilted your chin up until you’re forced to be like prey under his gaze, his breath tickling the bow of your lips. “I am your escort for tonight – and I humbly ask that you do your part as my client so I can perform my job well. I need you to look into my eyes and pretend you’re in love with me.”

“I don’t want to fall in love with anyone,” you suddenly admitted, “I’m scared.”

“You don’t have to be,” he replied, softly this time, and his hands ran down tenderly to your hips to pull you closer to him. “I’ll be there to catch you.”

You couldn’t remember who leaned in first. The only thing you remembered was that the music faded in the background when you kissed him – or maybe he kissed you – fuck, you didn’t really remember. Eventually, the kiss grew too heated, his hands squeezing your waist while you moan at the taste of chocolate and wine on his expert tongue.

Choso easily read your mind and swooped you away from the crowd, the both of you stumbling until you made it out to the venue and onto the beach.

The salty air kissed your skin while Choso carried you bridal style, arms looped around his neck while he kept moving his lips above yours. He was laughing through the kiss with how messy and eager you were, tugging at his shirt to encourage him to unbutton it. Choso set you both down on the darker, isolated part of the beach where nothing but the sound of waves lapping against one another could be heard with your breathless pants and his chuckles.

You were lying on his jacket, dress bunched up to your chest while your legs were spread wide open for him. “Ch-Choso,” you choked out when his tongue ran flat across your slick folds, his hands keeping your hips pinned down to the sand. “I-I, please.”

“I got you, princess,” was all he said before he completely dived into your heat, his sharp nose brushing into your cunt.

It didn’t take long until you were spasming in his hold, legs closing around his head. Choso groaned into your pussy, a finger working its way inside your sopping cunt while he licks and slurps your arousal like it was fucking water. Now you understood why those girls always lost their mind – Choso was a fucking expert when it came to worshipping pussy.

Choso pulled his fingers out of you, making you whine at the sudden emptiness, but he was kind, eager to please you that he immediately replaced it with his tongue.

You cried out when you felt his tongue entering your hole, one thumb pulling the hood of your lips up to reveal your sensitive pearl. Choso rubbed your clit fervently, his other hand reaching up to squeeze and tug at your breasts while he drank your juices dripping down his tongue as if you would be his last meal – and he honestly wished you were, because you tasted like heaven on him and he wanted more.

Once he felt you clamping down on his tongue so tightly he struggled to retrieve his warm muscle back, he helped you reach your high by pinching your clit. You moaned out his name, the sound sending blood straight down his cock, and he groaned into your pussy the moment you grinded on his face as you relaxed from your orgasm.

Choso didn’t give you the chance to recover from your orgasm, pulling you up to his lap before he’s kissing you again. You moaned when you tasted yourself on his tongue, his face and cheeks sweet from your arousal and cum.

You should be ashamed, but you couldn’t find a single bone in your body that felt shy right now. Choso was right – there was no point in being shameful when it came to your pleasure.

The kiss was sloppy, more tongue than lips and teeth clashing onto another. Choso grinded you on his hardened erection in search of your heat that would bring him relief, but he slowed down and pulled away from you, a string of saliva connected from your lips. He wanted you – wanted to fuck you so badly – so he searched your eyes for the answer when you aligned the tip of his cock to your entrance. “Is this okay? Are you sure with this?”

“Yeah,” you gritted your teeth when his tip entered your tight cunt, your walls sucking him in greedily already. Choso’s head dropped down to your shoulder, his teeth sinking down to your shoulder. You slowly sat down on his thick length, but then froze before he could bottom out. “Wait, no, I’m broke! I can’t pay for your extra services!”

“It’s free for you, princess,” he rasped out, “Now sit on my lap so I can feel you around me already.”

“Do you always have to be so vulgar?”

Through the pleasure that had his abs rippling, Choso managed a laugh. “You might want to get used to it.”

“Why would I?” you breathed out, eyes shutting tight once he fully slid into you. He allowed you to get used to the sudden stretch; it had been too long since you’ve been touched this way that you were impossibly tight around him right now. Your chest rose and fall with each faltering breath, your nails running down his back when Choso gave a deep, experimental thrust that immediately hits your sweet spot.

You moaned, cheek resting on his shoulder as Choso set the pace, squeezing your ass as he bounced you up and down his cock. “You’re gone after this. Once this contract is over, you’re moving away and I won’t get to see you anymore. I-I won’t lose sleep anymore after hearing you fuck all those women and gosh, I hate you so much, you know that?”

“I hated you too,” he groaned through your skin, “Or at least, that’s what I told myself so I wouldn’t get hurt.”

“Hurt? I would never hurt you,” Really, you praised yourself for still being able to form coherent sentences even after Choso kept fucking into you.

“I’m an escort, princess, I’m everybody’s and nobody’s at the same time,” he explained almost angrily, and his lips zealously sucked love bites to the sensitive flesh of your neck, “Even if you won’t hurt me, we’re bound to crash and burn at some point. This is why we’re not allowed to get attached to anyone,” his lips brushed over her collarbone, his canines dragging along to make red marks. “Why we’re not allowed to fall,” he squeezed her breast in the palm of his hand, twisting the peaked nipple until you whined, hips bucking deeper into his cock. “Why we’re not allowed to love.”

“I-I don’t understand.”

“I’ve always liked you,” he laughed through the pleasure, holding your hips down so he could drive his cock deeper into you. Yes, he was selfish, yes, he was frustrated – and his feelings burst through the way Choso powered into you. You fell limp in his arms and he easily caught you like he always did, his eyes blown wide as he stared right into your eyes, his dick still pummeling through your gummy walls.

Choso inhaled sharply when you clenched down on him, an elongated moan spilling past your lips. “I liked you the moment you moved in and you fell flat on your face before you could greet me.”

“Shut up, don’t remind me of that!” you raked your nails down his back hard enough to draw blood, and Choso concealed the pain with light chuckle, the pain only prompting him to absolutely use you. “You’re seriously bringing it up now when you’re – ah, fuck – b-buried in me?”

Choso tugged at one of your legs and wrapped it around his waist, the sudden change of angle had you pressing down deeper into him. It felt like you were sinking closer and closer to his cock, the tip of his dick kissing your cervix until you’re crying out in his arms, scratches evident on his back.

“For now,” he breathed out, “I want to at least be selfish enough to want you now, just for now if fate won’t still allow it.”

“W-we can try,” you said in your lust-filled gaze, lips crashing down messily to his while you bounced on him, your hips slamming down at the same to meet his thrusts. “It’s not going to be easy, but we can try, right?” You cupped his face, surprised with the sudden vulnerability from his hooded eyes, looking so innocent and beautiful as if he wasn’t painting your insides white.

“Okay,” he nodded, brows pinching together. And that was all the both of you needed before Choso sank his fangs down the column of your neck to hold on his low groans; your head thrown back as you both drown in the pleasure of being with one another.

In the blink of an eye, all tenderness is Choso’s touches replaced by the hunger in his eyes and the power of his lust-filled thrusts. You were a moaning mess by the time your hips sit flat on his pelvic bone and his balls brush on your ass from how deep he was hitting you, and you felt his teeth nibble at the side of your breasts again as he warned, “But for now, I’m not going to go easy on you – not when I’ve wanted you for so long and I’ve been so hard for you these all time.”

And you allowed him. Because nothing was ever easy with Choso, but for him, you’d try pushing through hell and back.

4K notes · View notes

ppersonna · 3 years

Text

keep me warm - jhs | m

cause you keep me and nice and you keep me warm. wanna feel you on me, can't wait to get back there again - texas sun, khruangbin

✹ summary- camping is always a great time when you’re with your friends, but even better with your boyfriend, hoseok.

✹ rating- explicit/18+/nsfw

✹ pairing- jung hoseok x reader

✹ word count- 3.9k - she’s a short lil quick dip ;)

✹ genre- smut. lol thats it. cant say there is much plot here besties!!! but there is big brother namjoon, brothers best friend hoseok, established relationship!!!

✹ warnings- explicit smut, cockwarming, dirty talk, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (be smart pls!), sex in a tent, a little exhibitionism???, fingering, finger sucking, creampie, lil bit of cum play but not really, hoseok is a dirty dirty boy and i love that about him tbh

✹ a/n- helloooo. i’ve been sitting on this and finally finished it!! thank you to @kimtaehyunq for the sexy banner and beta reading and general support. i was inspired to write this fic when i went camping but pls be warned that sex in a tent is not as sexy as this fic makes it seem 🤕 ILY BESTIES!!! lemme know your thots!!!

The annual Kim Family camp out is an event you haven’t missed since your seventh birthday when you had chicken pox. It’s an outing that has gained notoriety among your friends, a monumental yearly occasion that takes months of prep in advance. What started as a simple camp out with your parents and your older brother Namjoon has become an event with extended friends and family members and significant others involved. Your parents handed down the event to you and your brother, claiming their older age keeps them from being able to keep up with “the youth” for an entire weekend, instead preferring to join for a big cookout dinner, then head back to the comfort of their tempurpedic mattress and functional plumbing back at home.

Not that you minded.

This year was different. Your cousins, Taehyung and Seokjin, would join with Tae’s girlfriend Maggie. Your childhood best friend Jimin would attend as well, bringing along his lover of the month, a tall and leggy brunette. Namjoon invited his best friend Yoongi, who brought along your mutual friend Jungkook.

And most importantly,

Jung Hoseok would be there. Your boyfriend.

Hoseok is no stranger to the Kim Family camp out. He’s been attending since he was sixteen after meeting Namjoon in high school jazz band and instantly becoming friends. You can vividly remember the older high school boy making sure you never felt left out in a group of gangly teenagers—bringing you along on hikes, and fishing, and general mischief.

It’s where you first fell for him.

Every year after that, you pined for Hoseok from afar at every outing. You’d lie awake at night in your shared tent with Jimin, desperately wishing the body next to you was Hoseok, wrapping his arms around you to keep you warm in the forest's chill.

Your relationship with Hoseok flourished after high school, when he was unknowingly in your chemistry class in college. Hours were spent pouring over textbooks together, cramming for exams and practice labs with a familiar friend.

Then came the coffee dates, the movie nights, the dinners. Hoseok went from an occasional study buddy to someone you talked to hourly.

The day he kissed you is a day you’ll never forget.

Soft lips pressing onto yours over a bubbling beaker of magnesium, his hands cupping your cheeks as he drew you in so close, as if he couldn’t get enough of you.

“Be mine,” he whispered. “Please, be mine.”

And you’ve been his ever since.

“Aish! Don’t burn my marshmallow, ___!” Namjoon scolds you, jerking your long stick away from the fire as he sits next to you. “I hate burned marshmallows.”

Annoyance bubbles up in your throat as you roll your eyes at your brother.

“I wouldn’t have to do this for you if you knew how to roast a marshmallow without starting a wildfire.”

Namjoon, ever the strong-headed big brother, glares at you. “That was an accident and you know it.”

Hoseok chuckles beside you, resting a hand on your leg as you murmur expletives about Namjoon and a certain stick under your breath.

“I’ll eat your burned one, babe,” he says with a smile. “I love your burned mallows.”

Hoseok’s charm is a balm to all your wounds. He easily melts the ice around your heart and soothes your frayed nerves with a simple look.

“Thanks, Hobi,” you reply.

“Please, no talk of my sister’s mallows,” Namjoon winces. “It’s bad enough you’re dating in front of me. In front of my salad.”

Namjoon doesn’t mean it. He knows how deeply you love him, and he trusts Hoseok not to hurt his one and only sibling. But it doesn’t mean he’s not above rubbing it in your face that he was Hoseok’s friend first.

Jungkook laughs from where he’s sitting, roasting a hotdog over the crackling flame on Jimin’s lap (“There weren’t any seats left!”).

“At least he’s not tossing her salad in front of you.”

Yoongi slaps the younger man’s hotdog out of his hand and into the fire, making Jungkook whine and pout petulantly.

“Don’t be gross,” Yoongi scolds and Namjoon nods at his friend in solidarity.

Hoseok smirks and licks his fingers clean of the sticky marshmallow. “Besides, we didn’t bring nearly enough lube for any anal play tonight.”

“Hoseok!” Namjoon screeches and you bashfully bury yourself into your sweater. The rest of the group explodes in laughter while your brother holds his head in his hands, lamenting the day you two met.

Hoseok pulls you into his lap, grinning as he kisses at your ear while maintaining firm eye contact with your brother, eager to make him as uncomfortable as possible.

While you’re relaxing into the warmth of your boyfriend’s body and enjoying the laughter of all your closest friends, Hoseok nips at your ear and whispers gently.

“I love you.”

“I’m so cold.” A shiver wracks through you as you burrow down deeper into your sleeping bag. The night air becomes increasingly frosty and you can easily see your breath in the dim light from the moon. “It wasn’t supposed to be this cold.”

Hoseok scoots his bag closer to yours, rubbing over the meshy material in an attempt to warm you.

“I thought about bringing another blanket before we left…,” he sighs. “But Namjoon told me I was being ‘a boy scout’.”

You bark out a frigid laugh, teeth chattering as you try to snuggle into the warmth of Hoseok’s hand.

Pleadingly, you ask. “Can we share? Maybe if we zip the sleeping bags together we can make one big extra-large sleeping bag?”

Hoseok nods. “Good idea.”

He quickly gets to work as soon as you unzip your sleeping bag and move off of it, allowing him to take it and zip the two bags together. He spreads it back out over the soft padded bed once it’s completed and he slips into his end before beckoning you over.

“Come to me, my little popsicle.”

The fabric swishes and slides as you move into the combined bag, wrapping your cold limbs around the warmth of your boyfriend’s body.

“Holy shit, you really are cold,” he exclaims with a grunt when your ice-cold hands seek the toasty expanse of his toned belly. “Fuck.”

“Sorry.” Your apology is anything but apologetic as the high temperature of Hoseok’s body quickly oozes into you. “You feel so good.”

A moan slips out of your lips, pleased at the warmth that your boyfriend radiates as you seek every spot on his body that radiates heat.

“Hold on,” he whispers.

Quickly, he rids himself of his shirt and tugs at the hem of your own.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” You gasp as the icy air billows under your shirt. “Why would I get naked right now?”

He huffs. “Trust me?”

He kisses the pout on your lips, then pulls away with your shirt in his hands.

“Skin-to-skin contact is the easiest way to warm someone up. Body heat, you know. Textbook boy scout stuff.”

He twists your body around to spoon into him, back pressed against his ultra-warm chest, making you gasp once you feel the radiating heat spreading across you.

“Oh…” you sigh as you sink into his embrace. “You were right.”

Hoseok smirks as he wraps his arms around you and buries his face in the nape of your neck—lips pressing gentle, warm kisses to the column below your ear.

“Told you so.”

Your body instinctively presses further into his body, desperate for the warmth that the human-heater seems to emit. His breath hitches as he feels your ass press hard against his lap, cock stirring at the proximity.

Hoseok’s hands run up and down your arms, warming each inch of your skin with his palms. He spreads heat wherever he touches, and your eyes flutter closed as he works his gentle, warming massage into your frozen skin. He is the epitome of sunshine, both in body and demeanor, always able to brighten the coldest chills with one look, one touch.

When he’s satisfied that you’re thoroughly warmed where he’s worked, his hands move from your arms and shoulders around to your belly and up to your chest. You feel like mush under his grazing touch, gasping and biting your lip as he tugs gently at your perky nipple. It’s a live wire to his cock.

“Fuck,” he groans as he feels himself harden. He kisses at your shoulder as he continues to palm at your chest, taking the fullness of your breasts into his whole hand and massaging it gently.

“Hobi…” you warn, feeling the desire between your thighs build. “Don’t start what you can’t finish.”

He chuckles against your skin, breathing hot air over your neck and shoulder, tightening his grip on your nipple for a quick pinch that makes you squeak.

“Who says we can’t finish?”

His voice is low—that deep, sensual tone that sets your tummy aflame with desire. His dick is pressed against your ass, twitching with need as it thickens in his pants.

His hand moves from your chest, rubbing soft, sweet circles on your stomach as he warms the cool flesh around your belly button, before traveling down to where your sleeping pants sit low on your hips.

“We c-can’t,” you meekly attempt to fight back, remain strong, but the warmth of his body and the need growing within you is quickly winning your internal battle of morality. “My cousin is next to us.”

Hoseok smirks as he slips underneath your pants, hand diving in between your thighs to rub at your soft mound. He’s close, so close to slipping inside of you, and you squeeze your eyes tight at the overwhelming urgency you’re feeling for his fingers inside you.

“You think Tae and Maggie are fast asleep right now?” He asks.

As if on cue, you hear soft giggles coming from the next tent over, giggles that sound suspiciously like Taehyung’s girlfriend.

“Tae is really not that funny,” Hoseok says as he nibbles at your ear. “Let me warm you, baby.”

He seeks your consent, desperate to make you feel good but not willing to further his actions.

“Mmm, maybe just a little more.”

His fingers seek purchase further, finally diving into your folds. He gasps into your ear as he feels how wet you’ve become from his ministrations, stroking gently up and down your slick slit and circling over your clit.

“Fuck, look at you,” he nearly whines into your ear. “So wet for me.”

“Please, Hobi,” you whimper. You’re not sure what you’re begging for, what you need, but all you want is for him to not stop, never stop.

“You want me to keep going, don’t you?” He asks, teasingly circling the pad of his finger on your swollen clit.

Unable to use your words, you nod. The light pressure on your clit has your thighs trembling and Hoseok thrills at the palpable desperation you’re feeling.

“Are you going to be quiet for me?” He asks, slowly moving his finger down before breaching into your channel. “Can’t be waking up the entire camp.”

Using your hand, you clamp over your mouth as your boyfriend's finger fucks into your hole, slowly and achingly gentle but with purpose. A shiver runs down his spine as he watches you try to hold yourself back. You’re not normally quiet—he makes it his mission to get you to whine and cry and yell his name as loud as he can when you’re at home. But the thrill of keeping you quiet while he sinks himself into you makes his body hum with want.

“Good girl,” he cooes as he introduces another finger inside you, scissoring you open with his lengthy digits. “Better stay quiet for me or I won’t let you cum.”

He quickly removes his fingers from your channel, making you whine behind your hand, which he silences with a soft tut.

“No complaining. Be good.”

He continues his journey to disrobe you, sliding off your pants and panties. He throws them to the other side of the tent where your luggage lies, no care about you wearing them the rest of the night. He follows suit with his own pants, swiftly pulling the material off his legs and allowing his throbbing cock to spring free. You desperately want to touch it, feel it in your hands and in your mouth, but he keeps you facing away from him, cock fully out of your reach.

“Such a perfect little ass,” he murmurs to himself as he admires your backside before sliding back into the big spoon position. The feeling of his hot, hard length against your bare ass makes you mewl with desire, teasingly rubbing against it.

“Fuck, Hobi,” you gasp as he slips his hands back to the apex of your thighs, scissoring into you again and warming his icy fingers in the heat of your cunt.

“Shhh,” he reminds. “Let me give your mouth something to do, yeah?”

He pulls his dripping fingers from within your walls and brings them to your mouth. You eagerly open wide, obedient and desperate for something to take your mind off the growing neediness your body is throbbing with.

Watching you suck your own wet slick off his fingers makes Hoseok’s cock ache with need. The tip is weeping with pre-cum, as if crying out to bury itself within your walls and never retreat. It twitches as your tongue swirls over his digits, teasing him and reminding him how well you can suck his cock.

“Shit, baby,” he gasps. “I’m going to bust right now if you’re not careful.”

He pulls his fingers from your mouth and uses the spit-slick hand to lift your leg enough for him to line his cock up at your hole.

“You want to warm my cock for me, baby?” He nips at your shoulder as he rubs the bulbous head along your slit. “God, I want to be in this pretty little cunt all night. Can you keep me warm tonight?”

“P-please, baby,” you gasp as the tip prods at your entrance, threatening to breach. He preemptively moves his free hand back to your mouth, covering it gently to help keep your noisy mouth muffled.

“Such a polite girl.” Hoseok’s lips skim over your neck and ear, nibbling at your lobe as he finally, blessedly, spears himself into you.

“Fuuuck,” he whines as he drops his forehead against your soft hair, shuddering as he buries himself to the hilt. “You’re so fucking tight.”

Nothing compares to the feeling of Hoseok sinking himself into you. It’s like the first time, every time. He clings to you desperately, as if he wants to bury his entire self in between your thighs and never retreat. Being connected to your boyfriend like this, not knowing where he ends and you begin, is the most dazzling aspect of sex. Your heart beats in overtime, breath short and heavy, as he holds you like you’re his only worthy possession in life.

He doesn’t move, doesn’t withdraw his cock and plunge back into you like his body is begging him to. He wants nothing more than to roll you onto your stomach and fuck you until you’re screaming his name for the entire national forest to hear, but he doesn’t.

“Mmm, Hobi, please,” you whine against his palm, kitten licking the flesh there to encourage him to move. It almost works, almost spurs him into action, but he remains flush against you and unmoving.

“Just trying to keep you warm, baby,” he teases. “Skin-to-skin contact.”

He can feel your body tense and shake around him, core tightening as you’re desperate to feel the friction you desire. It makes Hoseok nearly growl into your ear, clutching you tighter in his grasp.

“Now you want to fuck me?” He teases into your ear. “I thought you were tired?”

A pathetic whimper is the only response you can muster. You’re desperate for more, aching for his thick cock to thrust in and out of you. His hand slips down your body, caressing each inch of your skin before landing on your clit, circling the nub teasingly.

“I bet you could cum like this,” he breathes as he slowly swirls his finger. “With my cock stuffed inside you.”

He’s right—your body is already reacting to the stimulation and you can feel your body clenching around his unmoving length deep inside you. It’s prodding you in just the right spot that makes you keen, core desperate for some movement. His added touch makes you whine into his palm still covering your mouth.

“That’s right, baby,” he praises as he bites at your earlobe. “Such a needy little pussy, so desperate for me you could cum just from feeling me inside you.”

The pressure rises, stomach tightening as you feel your body near the edge of bliss. You can feel your thighs trembling as Hoseok whispers and nibbles at your ear, fingers working your clit with just the right rhythm to make you see stars.

His finger swirls with delicate speed, playing you like the nimble musician he is.

“Look at you, I’ve only started using my fingers and you’re already about to cum for me.”

Holding back your desperate moans, your eyes nearly roll back in their sockets as you feel your body build closer and closer to the blissful end that it craves. Having him buried deep inside you with none of the delicious friction is driving you crazy, and the speed of his fingers on your clit makes you keen for anything he can give you. You’re so close, so *fucking close* to your climax that your vision blurs.

Suddenly, the telltale sound of another tent zipper opening rips through the relative silence of the campground and Hoseok stills his finger on you.

“Shhh,” he warns, lifting his head to listen carefully.

The sound comes from your left, Jungkook’s tent, and you squeeze your eyes tight and whimper into Hoseok’s palm at the ache in your belly. Jungkook stumbles around the campground before he makes his way out, and Hoseok smirks as the footsteps get quieter.

“That was close, baby,” he says as his finger teases over your throbbing clit. “We don’t want Jungkookie to find his friend like this, don’t we?”

You shake your head, body trembling as his finger provides not-enough stimulation on your tortured clit.

He keeps quiet and continues his feather-light touch, pleased at the unexpected orgasm denial and the way it makes your cunt clench around his cock as if coaxing it to give you what you need most.

“You better not be loud,” he warns. “You don’t want to ruin our fun, right?”

Agonizing moments later, Jungkook’s footsteps return and he zips himself back into his tent and quickly heads back to sleep. He remains stilled inside you, listening intently for any sounds of the others awakening.

After minutes of desperate silence and your needy cunt aching for your boyfriend to move, he rolls you onto your stomach with him on top, cock still buried deep within you.

“You’ve done so well,” he praises as he leans down and licks a fat stripe on the back of your neck, making you shiver. “Take your reward like a good girl.”

Without warning, Hoseok grips at your hips and starts a brutal pace, fucking you fast and hard while staying quiet. It feels so good, better than the feeling of him being still inside you. Nothing can compare to his thickness spearing into you, stretching you wide. The ridges of his cock feel like heaven from the position he has you in, and you can feel the stimulation building upon your ruined, curtailed orgasm from earlier.

He quickly rams a piece of the sleeping bag into your mouth, forcing you to be quiet as he nearly impales you open, burying himself as deep into your womb as he can before retreating and thrusting in for more. You can tell he’s close by the way his movements lose finesse, the way his hands grip your thick hips as if he’s grasping a lifeline.

“Gonna fill you up,” Hoseok whispers harshly, his voice taking on the rough edge that makes your body react. “You want my cum, baby?”

Your mouth is full, but your head nods quickly and you arch your back to let him reach even deeper inside of you, desperate to get yourself and him off simultaneously.

“Shit,” he groans as he feels your body accept him even further at this new angle, your ass high in the air. He grips it, enjoys the way the flesh jiggles in his grip and with each thrust. “Cum on my cock, baby, please.”

Hoseok doesn’t beg, hardly ever, so when he’s desperate for your release, you’re equally desperate to give it to him. As he pounds into you, taking full advantage of your prone body and lifted hips, the dam holding back your climax finally erupts, making your walls quiver and squeeze around his cock and forcing you to bury your face as far as you can into your sleeping bag to muffle your whines.

He wishes he could hear your screams, wants to hear the way you cry his name out as your cunt milks him, begs him for his own end. Another round of thrusts and he feels it all snap, cock pulsing out hot spurts of cum into your eager and waiting channel.

He pulls out of you, loving the way his cum follows him out, dribbling out of your spent pussy weakly. He lifts a finger and scoops it up, pushing it back into your juicy walls and nearly whining as he feels it wet and sopping with his release. You’re pulling the sleeping bag from your mouth, panting hard from your own release and turning around to look at your boyfriend, hips wiggling.

Hoseok smiles fondly at you, removing his finger from your walls and rubbing the smooth skin of your ass.

“Are you warm?” He asks with a smirk, knowing by the sheen of sweat on both of your bodies that you’ve successfully warmed up in the bite of the chilly night.

He flops down beside you and pulls you in close, snuggling into the sleeping bag while kissing your face gently.

Hoseok’s cock is still hard, still aching even after a release and you’re quick to grasp it in your hands, finally getting a grip on it for the first time tonight.

“Better keep you warm all night like I promised, huh?” You smile sleepily as you lift your leg to allow him entrance to your center yet again. “Keep me full all night please, baby?”

He is loath to deny you, and the wet heat of your used pussy feels like heaven. He holds you closer, pulls you in tight as he buries his cock as far as he can go, before kissing you sweetly once more.

He knows he’ll wake up in a few hours, dick throbbing with a need to take you for yet another round, but for now, he revels in the warmth and love and safety he feels when he’s connected to you in nearly every way.

“By the way, I love you too, Hoseok,” you whisper to him after a few moments of silence, recalling to the sweet whispered words around the campfire.

Hoseok smiles as he closes his eyes, body and soul in pure bliss.

And when Namjoon complains in the morning that he could hear the sounds of his little sister getting railed, Hoseok will let him know he ensured you didn’t suffer from hypothermia—that it’s his job as boyfriend to ensure you’re kept safe,

and always kept warm.

#bts smut #hoseok smut #jung hoseok smut #jhope smut #bts fics #bts smut fics

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father-time-and-baby-new-year · 3 years

Text

alphabet boy II

SYNOPSIS: college AU. Armin, your brilliant tutor, invites you over to his house for some studying. Naturally, you're nervous and he seems to be giving you a reason to be.

PAIRING: SCUMBAG!Tutor Armin x FEM!Reader

WARNINGS: half edited, noncon/dubcon, fingering, non-penetrative sexual content. gaslighting, manipulating,

A/N: really need the motivation to write again and I've been slacking on my multi-parters so here's a somewhat highly anticipated one. Armin fuckers, this is for you. non-Armin fuckers, I hope this converts you

WORD COUNT: 2.0k

II. I.

“You’re not paying attention.”

You feel his voice right by the shell of your ear, and the proximity nearly makes you reel back in surprise but you manage to catch yourself.

“S-sorry” You apologize, wishing you didn’t stutter.

The thing is you’re just really out of your element. This is the first time you’ve been to Armin’s house for personal tutoring, and it was hard to focus on the material when his presence was so distracting.

It wasn’t like you were fantasizing about him or anything [well…]-you always tried to banish those thoughts as soon as it came. But still, being alone with an attractive boy with a disarming charm was causing some jitters. You felt like a shy middle schooler, on edge and jittery.

The last tutoring session in the library when he [basically] called you stupid plagued your mind. The memory of him feeling up your thighs lived in your head rent-free.

“Let’s take a break.” He sighs. Your heart drops at the noise of disappointment but you suppose it’s what you deserve.

You push your laptop lightly aside on the table, the bleak light straining your eyes, and ask for the bathroom. You just wanted to freshen up and be alone for a few seconds. The bathroom is meticulously clean, something even you knew was unexpected for a boy. You looked at yourself through the spotless mirror, scrutinizing every flaw.

You sigh, fiddling with your dress collar. Why you had tried dressing pretty for a boy so out of your league, he may as well be in Mars--you didn’t know.

When you return, there is a tall glass of lemonade waiting for you.

“Thought you might be thirsty.”

It’s a simple gesture that makes you blush so you thank him earnestly. Like the gentleman he is, he assures you it’s no problem. Not wanting to prolong the awkward silence, you compliment his apartment, “This is a really nice place. So much light and space.”

You’re babbling but he engages you regardless, and you two are mindlessly discussing the benefits of living at off-campus housing over dorming. His words are pleasant but there’s a sinking feeling within you as you notice he’s bored. Or maybe distracted was a better word.

“So, do you have a boyfriend? Or anyone you’re seeing?”

You nearly choke at the question uttered through a buttery voice.

“Oh um, not really.”

“Not really?”

You made a mental note to answer in definitives. Armin seemed the type to snuff out anything he reasoned as half-truths.

“No. I uh, don’t have a boyfriend.” And then you clarified a pin-drop later, “And I’m not seeing anyone either.”

The blond hums a playful tune that’s vaguely nostalgic.

“Have you ever had a boyfriend?”

You don’t understand the point of this line of incessant questioning, and can’t calm your heart rate.

“I-um, I don’t-“

Taking one look at your serious face, eyes rimmed with worry and cheeks pink, he laughs. It’s a startling sound like bell chimes.

“Relax. I just wanted to know if you had any experience.”

The sentence flies out of your mouth before you can even ponder it: “What do you mean by experience?”

It’s not his fault if he can’t hide the feral grin that crosses his mouth right at that moment. You can’t discern his expression as you’re staring at anywhere but him, so you don’t notice the uncontained excitement that glimmers in cerulean eyes.

“Let’s move to the couch. You’ll be more comfortable there.”

You think about saying that you’re fine wherever you are and didn’t really feel like changing positions, but he’s already striding towards the couch. So you start packing up the materials, before a clear voice calls out to you, “It’s okay. You don’t have to bring all that. Just bring your flashcards.”

You hoped that wouldn’t mean he’d quiz you, but that’s exactly what he meant to do.

“Law of diminishing returns.”

“Wait! I know that one!” You brightly exclaimed, “ Uhh..it gives way to the catch-up effect which means poor countries tend to grow more rapidly and they’ll one day essentially catch up with wealthier economies.”

The blond ran his hand through his hair before sighing. You could feel your heart drop. You were sure you were right. Was your answer wrong enough to cause exasperation?

“Stick with the formal definition next time. I didn’t ask for the theory based on the law.”

You pouted, and Armin couldn’t help but relish in how eagerly you sought his approval, like a puppy performing tricks to appease their master.

“You should sit closer. Can you even see the word?”

You moved closer to him, knees knocking into each other. He looks down at the completed set.

“Well, you didn’t do as bad as I expected.” Ouch. But maybe he meant it as a compliment?

“But,” the corners of his mouth curled, “I’d say you’re still struggling.” Never mind.

“T-this is a new chapter though. I don’t think we’ve even gone over it in class.”

Blue eyes narrow, and you wonder if he’s going to give the well-meaning spiel about how staying ahead was the only way to keep up. That mantra may work for someone with high ambitions and an extremely good work ethic but you were no well-oiled machine. You had other classes too!

“Why are you so defensive?”

Your eyes widen in surprise at the question, spoken so softly and casually, you almost miss the disdained lilt.

“Oh uh-“

“Listen to me. I quizzed you so I’m able to assert your skill level. And your response to my assertion is that it’s something you haven’t gone over in class yet. Do those things relate to each other at all?”

Meekly, you shift your attention to the rug.

“Answer me.”

“N-no”, you squeaked.

“And what have I always told you? The only way to keep up is to-“

“Stay ahead.” You finished, “I’m sorry, I just-“

“Did I say you could interrupt me?”

You could feel the blood rushing to your ears, unsure when the atmosphere had shifted. Your heartbeat was beating rapidly and you could feel your body go warm.

He sighed, and placed a hand over over your folded ones, squeezing your palms.

“You know I’m just looking out for you right? It almost feels like you don’t care-“

“No!” You exclaim, “I-I do.” Heat pools into your cheeks once you realize your grave mistake, “I-I’m sorry for interrupting you.”

The blond smiles radiantly and it nearly melts away all of your worries…until he opens his mouth to deliver another damning remark.

“You know, with your looks…you don’t really even have to graduate. Maybe choose an easy major and then get some rich husband to take care of you.” There’s a distinct lack of humor in his tone as if he wholeheartedly believed every word he was saying.

Your eyebrows furrow in blatant confusion, and in the back of your mind, danger signs are flashing at the back of your head. Your thighs are growing warmer. Oh no, this could not be happening right now.

“That’s what most girls’ dreams are anyways.” He inspects his spotless nails, “You chose this class because Ackerman’s attractive right? That’s why his class has such a high drop rate…silly girls join, not understanding how harsh of a grader he is.”

You open your mouth to defend yourself but the next inflammatory remark he spews almost sends you to shock, “Though I bet, if you got on your knees for him, you’d be getting an A on those finals.” He laughs as if he was saying something particularly amusing, an undercurrent of spite coloring his words, “You wouldn’t even need me as your tutor.”

There are a million things on the tip of your tongue but no voice to speak them out. You want to ask him why he’s been so weirdly invasive, what his weird hang-up with professor Ackerman was, and of course, the casual sexism was really throwing you in a loop. Still, you have no doubt Armin could beat you to a bloody pulp several times over in a verbal lashing, and your mind was too fragile to deal with this.

You’ll sign up for a new tutor or better yet no tutor. You’ll get over your social anxiety and join a study group. You’ll go to all of Professor Ackerman’s office hours. Anything had to be better than this. You’re giving yourself this pep talk in your head but there’s no denying that your legs feel warm, and the self-improvement speech is withering away in your mind as it seeks to instead process how Armin fucking Arltert is touching you right now.

He pins you against the cushions, one hand locking both of your wrists. You’re shaking but your pupils are blown out wide.

He smirks, “There’s an excellent stress reliever for studying you know.”

You limp in his hold but the cocky attitude behind his words brings you back. You thrash under him, earning an annoyed growl from the blond.

“I’ve been so fucking patient with you, you know? Planning out your study guides, sharing my notes with you, proofreading homework, going over the mock exams—don’t you think I deserve a little compensation?”

“I-I’m sorry.”

He's right. He's right. Armin actually has done so much for you. Maybe it was too easy to take for granted because of how efficient he was, and how he acted like it was nothing. But right now, nothing really was everything.

He smiles. Yeah, this is who you were. Add just a little bit of pressure and you crumble. That flash of bravery from before was nothing but a petulant outburst from a child who didn’t know any better.

Armin coos, “Isn’t it a little embarrassing to be a virgin at your age?”

With unbridled precision, while he’s still holding your lower body down with the weight of his legs, he unbuckles his belt and ties it around your strained wrists. Red fills your face, and like always, you’re struggling to find the right words to respond. To say anything at all. Most of all, you can feel a wetness building at your core.

“I know the way you look at me, you know.” He kisses the dip of your neck, slender fingers splayed from under your shirt, “I know you’re into this.”

And because he is a scientist who must have evidence to back up his hypothesis, his hands find themselves under the waistband of your floral skirt that you foolishly wore, pushing the cure pastel underwear aside. You’re writhing in his grasp but maybe not as much as you should be, but it’s not your fault your movements are sluggish right?

“You have such a funny habit of not deleting your windows and keeping your bookmarks open.”

You freeze.

“This entire time I thought you were some prudish virgin even though you dress like a whore. Someone with who I had to be gentle. But all that fucking porn you read? Nasty. Is that why you need help in this class?” He punctuates slowly, "Because you're wasting your brain for something else?"

Immediately, you remember how you left your laptop on the table. You remember how many times he used your computer to double-check the notes, and you trustingly let him, forgetting that despite deleting your tabs, the hidden windows of steamy erotica were not yet erased out of their existence. Embarrassment violently paints your body.

He doesn’t wait or care for your response as he starts a vigorous assault on your clit with his slender finger, rubbing up and down in a vicious manner. The second finger prods at your entrance, feeling a tight cavern despite the amount of slick collected. Your eyes roll back in pleasure-is this what being with someone is like?

Stop. Get a hold of yourself. Why are you so fucking horny right now? It doesn’t matter what Armin said about you or how he called you out for the fiction you’ve read, because this is real life. But Christ, it’s Armin, the boy you’ve had a crush on since the moment he explained to you what a marginal abasement curve was. Stupidly handsome Armin with a gentle voice and too-blue oceanic eyes. Stupidly handsome Armin who coerced you into being under him.

You’re so fucking warm and tight, and Armin can’t wait to sink himself inside of you, can’t wait to humiliate you further. With nimble fingers he untied the ribbons of your dress like you were a Christmas present, groping your soft mounds and marking up your collarbone with teeth and tongue. Crystalline tears roll down the side of your face. You really shouldn’t be crying when you’re this wet.

“So fucking funny how you can’t look at me in the eye when we have a conversation but you read the filthiest fucking smut I’ve ever seen.”

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