#god i cant wait to be there. and have cheese | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maplesyrupsainz · 3 months

Text

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙birthday girl | LN4˖⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: lando norris x reader y/n (she/her)

genre: social media au, established relationship

warnings: none just fluffy af

summary: in which the tl is full of posts for your special day and the love is overwhelming

a/n: not sure if this is what anon meant but this was so much fun to write anyways hope u like it !!

request!!!: Hiii can I request a Lando smau where it’s his gfs birthday and she gets super emo from all the birthday posts from Lando, fans and maybe other drivers/friends? Ty!!

fc: gracie abrams

my masterlist

twitter ->

instagram ->

danielricciardo posted a story

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1, and 351,718 others

user9 AWWWWW

user10 i love their friendship so so much

user11 my favs

user12 lads lads lads

francisca.cgomes posted a story

liked by landonorris, pierregasly, and 144,283 others

user13 so many posts to keep up with fr

user14 obsessed and in love w her

user15 THE BIG TUB OF CHEESE BALLS LOL

user16 she's just like me fr

lilymhe

liked by landonorris, alex_albon, and 519,274 others

lilymhe happy birthday to one of my best friends & funnest girl to hang with ever in the world i love u so much i want to kiss u lando is so lucky

tagged: yourusername

view all 4,284 comments

user17 she's so real

user18 lily is literally one of us

user19 GOD I LOVE THEM

user20 lily and y/n goes offfff every time

user21 "lando is so lucky" REAL

landonorris you're right and you should say it

lilymhe i know 😋

user22 so iconic

mclaren posted a story

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, and 604,183 others

user23 omg even the team posts for her

user24 ADMIN LOVES HER LIKE WE DO

user25 real

user26 our papaya princess 🧡

oscarpiastri posted a story

liked by landonorris, danielricciardo, and 222,093 others

user27 what is going on here

user28 he meant what he said

landonorris what did you do to my girlfriend

oscarpiastri you mean what did she do to me.

carlossainz55 posted a story

liked by landonorris, lance_stroll, and 426,083 others

user29 HAHAHAHA

user30 justice for y/n

user31 still beautiful

user32 the way everyone loves her omg😭😭😭

charles_leclerc posted a story

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1, and 618,173 others

landonorris she doesn't have to be drunk to do that

liked by charles_leclerc

user33 LOLLL get her

user34 the posts are getting mean!!

user35 i wish i was her

yourbff

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc, and 211,384 others

yourbff happy birthday y/n 💗 my most special girl in the world & my longest friend, u have my heart completely!!!! u probably have lots of other ppls hearts too btw. i am literally in love with u and cant wait to see u later im going to kiss ur cheeks and feed u pink wine

tagged: yourusername

view all 2,193 comments

user36 this is so cute

user37 trust y/bff/n to make a sweet post when the ferrari boys made it mean 😝

liked by yourbff, landonorris

user38 the most beautiful friends ever

user39 why am i so obsessed with all the birthday posts

user40 oh to be loved the amount y/n is loved

yourfriend happy birthday y/n !!

maxverstappen1 posted a story

liked by landonorris, yourbff, and 517,153 others

landonorris u guys bully her

user41 LOL

user42 poor y/n the victim

user43 LOL i remember when she was in hospital for dehydration and everyone was just bullying her for it😭😭😭

yourusername posted a story

liked by landonorris, lilymhe, and 710,284 others

user44 our humble queen always

landonorris awww baby

lilymhe ilysm y/n

yourbff I LOVE YOU

francisca.cgomes this is why we all love you sm

carmenmmundt happy birthday you gorgeous girl you deserve it & more

alexandrasaintmleux happy birthday girlie! love u

kellypiquet happy birthday precious girl 🩷

lewishamilton happy birthday y/n !!!

yoursister you are so so loved sweet girl!!

oscarpiastri aww y/n luv u bestie

charles_leclerc ur still cute walk it off !

georgerussell63 happy birthday 🥳

fernandoalo_oficial aw y/n, you are so full of love!!

landonorris

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, and 1,723,027 others

landonorris the love of my life ❤️ you are everything and more and i hope to love you for every birthday for the rest of our lives. my sweet y/n/n, my better half, happy birthday

tagged: yourusername

view all 33,293 comments

user45 omg i screamed

user46 was waiting for this one

user47 me when

yourbff 🥹🩷

lilymhe fav couple always

user48 I LOVE THEM

yourusername im going to cry even harder thank u so much u make every moment in my life so special i love u so much

landonorris i love you

user49 omg this is too precious i died

user50 y/n is the most perfect girl in the world

THE END 🧡

#f1 #f1 smau #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #smau #f1 fic #f1 imagine #lando norris #ln4 #ln4 smau #ln4 x y/n #ln4 fluff #ln4 imagine #ln4 fic #ln4 x reader #ln4 x you #lando x reader #maddie's smau

1K notes · View notes

slashingdisneypasta · 3 months

Text

Chucky Lee Ray x Reader || Drabble

Plot: When you come home from a really terrible date who definitely expects to be invited in, you do something Kinda Sneaky... and say you live with your brother and, oops! You forgot your key!!- and knock on the apartment next to yours, acting like this one is yours. Chucky's apartment.

Warnings: N/A.

Knock knock. No answer.

Knock knock knock. No answer.

Humming nervously, because why the hell why isn't he answering?? Please be home, Chucky, p l e a s e- "He must have his headphones on, the dumbass." You throw back to your date, Hank, rolling your eyes like 'brothers, huh?'.

"Hey, if you cant get it, you can always come back to my place?"

"Oh thats nice of you- " Knockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknock-

"Bro!" You exclaim in a loud, totally-fake greeting as soon as the door flies open and reveals Charles Lee Ray, looking as if you just woke him up, his hair in his dark eyes and a beer-stained, moth-eaten white t-shirt on that completely washes him out and makes him look like Samara Morgan (Sweet jesus, if you weren't so desperate to get away from Hank, you would be terrified of this nightmare look). His face twists into grumpy, tired confusion but before he can ask you what the hell you're talking about- you slip your arms around his waist and squeeze him in a hug. "Play along." Dear god, play along.

When you pull back, a hostage-smile pasted to your face standing there with Hank behind you looking bored and annoyed (And wearing a stained t-shirt of his own- under a date blazer), the cranky frown on his face upturns into a smirk. Oh~

You hope to god thats a good smirk and your annoying neighbour is not about to screw you.

Its not like Hank is dangerous, or t h r e a t e n i n g, at all- no. He's fine. But after 4 hours of talking about his fucking car, and The Big Bang Theory (How funny Howard Walowitz is in the first seasons and how misunderstood he is with women- jesus), and meeting his mother at the start-- you are DONE!!

DONE!! FINISHED!

You're up to hear with him and Chucky, as annoying and rude as he is, suddenly feels like a great alternative! At least if you went out with him tonight, you might've gotten a good buzz out of it. Hank took you to a Chuck E Cheese, and he didn't bring a flask.

When Chucky leans against the door and makes room for you to slip by, smirking dangerously at your date, you happily go into his apartment. You never wanted to get in there so bad, before. You never wanted to go in there, period, before today. But now it feels like sanctuary. "So... you're the guy that took out Y/N tonight."

Oh no- he's still talking. Why on earth is Chucky still talking-

"-Yeah thats him!" You cut in, before flashing Hank a bright smile and a waive. "I had a great time- bye Hank!" Please go. Please go. Please go now-

Before your date can leave and you can never see him again, Chucky stops him- and when you glance at his face, you can see an even broader, more mischievous smirk on him. Oh no. "Hold on there, man, wait. I gotta make sure you're alright, don't I??"

"No, bro, you don't." You say pointedly, making Chucky turn that nefarious, lascivious grin onto you for a moment.

"Hehe... I think I do."

Through grit teeth, you beseech him. "Fight the urge." Or, well- beg him. You're begging. You're absolutely begging.

Because wherever Chucky is going to take this, is not going to be good, especially with that evil twinkle in his pale blue eyes. "What kinda brother would I be if I didn't check him?"

"The best brother in the world."

"Ahhhhh... you're just sayin' that. Hey Hank- " When you both turn back to the hallway and see that Hank is, actually, gone-- you're equally baffled and relieved. Thank god, but... when did he leave??? Chucky, on the other hand, pouts. "Damn. ... Maybe he wasn't that into you."

While rolling your eyes, you catch sight of a black object plainly sticking out of Chucky's pyjama pants. "Or maybe he saw the gun tucked into your pants! Is that loaded!??"

"... no."

"No!??" That did not sound definitive!!

"Well yeah, of course it is. But here's the thing, doll. Guess what?" You're about to ask a put-out and huffy 'what?', when Chucky pulls the door to his apartment abruptly closed; standing far too close to you and looking at you in that lecherous Chucky-way that makes you feel so small and squirrelly. Wait- "Look at that?~ You're all mine, all of a sudden~ Hehe,"

As you stand there, half scared/half... something else, you wonder dumbly how and when did you lose control of this situation-

#Charles Lee Ray x Reader Drabble #Chucky x Reader Drabble #Charles Lee Ray x Reader #Chucky #Charles Lee Ray #Drabble #Horror Villains #Horror Villain x Reader Drabble #Horror Villain x Reader #Slasher x Reader Drabble #Slasher x Reader #Slashers

95 notes · View notes

xatsperesso · 1 year

Text

What if the boys know mc before going to rad?

It was 3 AM

Of course it was 3 am

I was just in the kitchen making myself a sandwich to avoid the existential crisis that's waiting to happen

And i do my lil-not-safe-around-knives-habit of closing my eyes and kinda doing things blindly when im tired. Then i saw a flash of light through my closed eyelids

That was the first time.

I open my eyes quickly and immediately see a chest

That is not my fluffy white cat's chest. That's a man

My eyes squint at the chest in front of me before looking for the head. It was fluffy orange head staring at my plate. The sandwich i blindly made using way too much cheese, pickles and tomatoes even though i dont like tomatoes.

I give the guy my sandwich

He smiles at me, gulps it then disappears

I really need to sleep. It's not funny anymore

The second time it's happened I was lounging in my living room enjoying a lazy day with my cat. Just scrolling through the tv, trying to find anything-

Ahem

I whip my head around and see green impatient eyes looking down at me.

"Did you summon me here to just stare or do you have a reason?" He glares at me

I stare back

He starts getting angry

I raise my cat's head as a peace offering

He looks at the cat, no anger could be seen and starts to pet it. I imagined the corner of his mouth twitching.

"Is that all?" I nod

"You're sacrificing this cat to me?" I pull my cat closer, profusely shaking my head.

He looks annoyed but he disappears like the first one

This isn't a one time thing

Dammit, i need to deal with this

It's taken me a couple of sleepless nights and endless research, but that's probably what i need to do.

I light the candles around the scripts, try my best to pronounce the words correctly, and wait as smoke encases the room.

"You are in the presence of The Great Solomon. Tell me, young sorcerer, why-" i grab his black robe and stare dead in his eyes

"Is talking to demons dangerous?? Will they steal my voice???" I ask as my voice wobbles, tears threatening to fall

"It's just that last time he was talking to me and i was afraid cause this has never happened to me before but it felt so rude not to answer when he started asking me and it was like he was judging me and-"

"Woah woah, calm down! Demons cant steal voices unless it's in the contract" I stare at his awkward, uncomfortable smile trying to find any signs of lies

"Thank fuck" I let out the hugest sigh of relief, and let go of the sorcerer "I sorry, this has been stressing me out but i shouldn't have grabbed you like that. Tea?"

"Yes, thank you, and it’s alright. This is why i made it possible for magicians to summon me. I take it that you've been summoning demons lately?"

"Nah, they just sorta appear out of nowhere"

He blinks at me

I blink at him

"What-"

I was engrossed in the horror movie. The music was getting louder. They were hiding from the it. they were running. One of them tripped cause of course they have to trip. The music is so loud now. They barely manage to hide-

"I, THE GREAT MAM-" I scream so loud the white haired demon gets startled.

"O-OI! What’s yo de-" screams from the tv interrupts him as the character got dragged by that-that thing and it started torturing them for fun-

Lots of screams, huddles, and complaints were heard that day

"Gosh, i wish they weren't so busy today" I sighed as i continued playing mario carts alone "i really wanna kick someone's ass"

Just say the word and god will deliver

The light appeared once again, and out came a blue haired demon and-ohmylord is that a tail!

Thank whoever keeps summoning them, now my boredom will cease to exist

"Ugh, why did you have to summon me now, normie"

...Ya know, maybe im not that bored

Still, i pick the extra controller and toss it at him. He caught it with his tail (damn i want a tail)

"Wha-! Don't just throw controllers-"

"Wanna play? I bet I'm gonna win"

The demon stared at me for a second, looked at the tv to see the mario cart game. He seemed tempted

"Tch, I'm not gonna lose to some normie" he plopped down besides me and chose a character

...I'm gonna decimate him

"Hah! Noob"

"Shut up! You must be cheating!"

My cat gave me something

This was the first time

I was not ready

A red-head suddenly appeared in the living room

He looked mildly confused, but was smiling nonetheless. He looked ready to say something, probably cheerful.

I burst out crying

That made him panic, and that's probably when he noticed the blood in my hands

My cat gave me a headless bird, and that left me shaken

Somehow, he ended up cradling my hysteric form as i cried

After i calmed down and thanked him for trying to comfort me, he said it was nothing and left

He looked very confused the whole time

Halloween was around the corner, and i decided I'm aiming for traumatizing people.

i took out my make-up, pulled up a 5 minutes craft video, and tried my best to imitate.

turns out im very good at make-up. it looked like someone cut up my face and blood was oozing out!

of course, a demon had to show up now of all times

i look at the light, and the demon comes out of it twirling like a ballerina.

he seems like a weird guy

"You've summoned me, Asmo-oh my! you're hurt. sorry, but I'm not really fit for this kind of things" he said, eyeing me up and down "unless you have a good payment for it~"

"...ignoring that, I'm not actually hurt. This is just make-up!"

"Oooh! That is pretty good, would fooled anyone! but it's not cute at all. let me show you how to look hella cute" he comes close, nabbing a make-up sponge out of nowhere

"W-wait! I'm doing this for halloween!! I want to look scary!" He grabs the makeup remover and grabs my face

"C'mon, sweetheart, scary is overrated! Just let Asmodeus take care of it~"

Once again, it is 3 am. I need a better sleeping schedule.

I'm in the kitchen making some hot chocolate, when he came. In all his grumpy glory holding a pillow.

"Dammit, what the fuck do you want, human"

His voice was laced with malice

His eyes stared me down with hatred

He was murderous

I need to be careful around this one

...but

It's 3 am. I'm tired. Too tired to deal with this shit.

I return to my hot chocolate on the stove "want some hot coaco?" He squinted at me, warily

Fair. I'm a stranger after all

"What kind of ploy-"

"Just hot chocolate" i grab more milk, more choco. Maybe I'll add more marshmallows too "I'm planning to drink some at the roof. The stars look bright tonight. Wanna join?"

He was still untrutsful, he was still wary, but when i put a cup im front of him and headed upstairs, he followed.

He just sat quietly, i tried my best to not look at him a lot, try making him feel safe.

It was nice. We didn't talk, we stayed far away from each other. He left his cup for me to clean.

But it was nice

Shit shit shitshitshitshi-

That's all i can think of as i scramble to get on top of the table. Im so not fit for this

A light, my savior, appeared leaving behind green haired demon

Yes, he's gonna-and he's already on top of the fridge, staring in fear

"WHAT Are you doing?!" I screamed cause what the fuck??

"You must have Misunderstood something. I am not to be summoned for such things"

"... WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF YOU HAVING ALL THIS DEMONIC POWERS IF YOU'RE SCARED OF A FUCKING RAT"

"May I remind you that you too-"

Meow

"*Gasp*, Satan!" I yelled in relief as my fluffy hero came and chased the mouse out of the room

"Pfft"

"You got a problem with my kitty?" I grumbled, getting off the table on shaky legs to get tan-tan, my hero, some treats and cuddles

Unlike a certain someone who's still on top of the fridge

"Not at all, it just reminds me of someone" he hopped off the fridge and came to give my kitty a few pet

I smiled. Seems like demons like cats.

Or maybe satan is a demon cat

"if that's all, i will be going then. I still have duties to finish"

And just like that, he vanished.

Squeak

Oh. Right.

The mouse is still in the house somewhere

Alright, time to work

I'm sitting cross-legged, tablet on my thighs, stylus in my hand and trying figure out how hair works

"Ah. Where...am i?" He asks, looking very confused

A bright light, much brighter than any other appeared, and the person who came out of it seemed to glow

That's a first

"You're in my house. You don’t..look like a demon?? Sorry if that..offends you?"

"Don't worry, I'm not offended at all" he waved his hand dismissively "I'm not a demon, though. I'm an angel. Were you trying to summon a demon?"

"No, they actually just suddenly appear around me. I didn't know this could happen to an angel"

"Well, i didn't know an angel could be summoned" he looked kinda dazed

Im not sure what to do

"Are you..okay?" He looked at me for a moment, a soft smile plastered on his face

"No"

"...do you, want to drink something? I could fix you some coffee"

"Yes, that would be delightful. Thank you" he slowly dropped to the ground, staring at a spot on the wall

It was very awkward until he realised he could just leave

I think he's got an existential crisis to deal with

This time I didn’t see a bright light, i heard a 10 year-old scream

I ran out of the kitchen, an egg still in my hand to see who the fuck is screaming in my living room

Lo and behold, it was a 10 year old

"Wh-where am i?! Why am i here?! Did-did you do this??!" The kid was near tears at that point

"Hey, hey hey, calm down" i slowly drop to my knees "it's alright, buddy. i know suddenly being transported here is very scary. Is this your first time?"

"Alright, thank you for telling me," he's glowing like the other angel. An angel too? "You're in my house right now. Do you know how to do magic? Like teleports and stuff? So you can get back home?"

"Y-yes" he's still near tears. He’s also far away from me, untrusting, but he's not screaming. I call that a success

He sniffs, then lowers the arms that were shielding him

"No, b-but I'm sure simeon will know that I'm here and will come get me!"

"That's great! But it might take him a while to figure out where you are. Do you wanna help me make some cupcakes until then? You'll of course take some home with you" he brightened up at that. So cute

"Y-yes! What kind of cupcakes are we making? Is that the kitchen? I happen to have these ingredients that are from the celestial realm and will make the cupcakes taste better!"

I smiled as i entered the kitchen behind him. He's so cute

"Seems like you know how to bake"

"Of course! I love baking things, and all the angels say that my baking is good! Don't worry, with me here your cupcakes will be the best cupcakes you've ever tasted! Simeon says that-" and like that he's taken over my batter and started adding stuff to it, only needing my assistance when something is on a higher shelf

An hour later, the same angel from before ("Simeon, look! We made cupcakes! Want one?) Came and took the lil' guy ("what's your name? I'm luke!") Away, promising him that he can have more play dates with me when I'm free

The guy, Simeon, looked like ge has yet to recover from his existential crisis

And just like that, the demons and angels kept being coming

"Oi, you will not believe how much money this scheme got me-"

And going

"Sorryy, but i gotta go now. How about we go to that centre next time?"

They kept coming with their antics

"Hah! Noob"

"At least not a normie anymore"

With their surprises

"What do you mean you're the prince of devildom? How the fuck do you keep ending up here?? Aren't you supposed to be the hardest to summon???"

With their favors

"MC! I am so happy i got here I've just found a new recipe in this book can we try it??"

With their worries

"My twin has been acting weird. He’s less objecting of lucifers plans, but its..very strange? and of coming out of nowhere"

Some still get shaken whenever they come

"Oh. I'm here again. I, thought it was gonna be that one time. Ha ha."

"...how about you sit down. On the couch this time"

And some decide to leave the second they see my face

"Oh, my apologies, but i must-"

"You will sit your ass down and you will drink the tea i make you or i swear i will-"

...Some have found out my address and just decided to make my house theirs

"Hey, apprentice! How about we learn how to-"

"Solomon, we've trained for 5 damn hours yesterday. I'm not uttering a single spell until I, at the very least, eat some damned breakfast"

I started learning more about them

"You named your cat after me?!"

"Your name is satan?!"

I started seeing them grow more comfortable around me

"I don't like humans, but, maybe not all humans are bad"

"...that sound kinda racist-"

"You know what I mean"

Months passed by, and I'm pretty sure i became close with all of them

Until the unimaginable happened

I got summoned

In a flash of light, i was somewhere else wearing different clothes(do their clothes also change?) I looked around to see-

"Guys!!" I screamed happily, it's always fun being around them

"MC!!" They screamed, their enthusiasm matching mine, but they all suddenly froze

"Wait, you know mc??" They turned to each other very confused, and suddenly questions were thrown, their voices growing louder and louder, and im just looking at them contemplating whether to break up the fight that will inevitably star-

"Silence!" A black haired demon suddenly yelled, and everyone stopped yelling "how do you all know of this human?"

Everyone stared at him, gears turning in their minds.

"LoL, Lucifer's the only one who doesn't MC"

They all joined forces (except for beel, the sweetheart) to tease black hair( Lucifer?) Over not being summoned before

"...are they always this loud?" I turn to Barbatos, who's looking very amused

"Yes, they've always been like this"

"Did you really never meet Lucifer, mc?"

"Ive heard of him. They always complain about him, especially satan and belphie"

"Well, worry not! I'd be more than glad to tell you all about Lucifer! I know the most about him, as he's my right hand man after all"

"...I thought you were talking about Barbs, your literal butler. The same guy who's taken care of since you were a baby" i heard a sigh from the greenette beside me

"One can only dream"

-- *bonus*

Knock knock

I looked at the door tiredly. Why would they willingly come to me at 1 am

still, I get up to open the door, and behind it was no other than Lucifer.

Weird, i could've sworn he was trying to avoid me all day

"Ahem, i apologise for disturbing you at this late hour. May i talk to you for a moment?" I let him into my room, then plop myself on one of the cushions on the floor.

He looked at me hesitantly

"You dont have to sit on the floor. There are chairs over there if you want" i say, but he shakes his head. He then attempts to, very awkwardly, sit on a cushion on the floor

Alright then

"So, what do you want to talk about" he looks out of his depth. Like he doesn't know what to say

Fair. No one knows how to talk properly at 1 am, and he looks like he'd rather get a seizure than talk in anything less than formal.

So I just accepted that this might take a while, and started playing with a rubiks cube satan gave me

I hate this cube

After a long moment of lucifer staring at me, he sighed

"I heard that you're the reason belphegor's..views on humans have changed"

"I guess that's what happened? I'm not really sure I'm the reason though. All I've done is give him some drinks or food, lend him my bed and occasionally talk to him. I didn't even try to change anything" i scratched my neck. This is somehow more awkward than Simeon's first visit

"Nonetheless, you were a big reason for what my brother's change, and I've noticed some changes in my other siblings. Positive changes."

"Well, it's nice knowing that I'm a good influence?" I really want him to just get over it. It's late and he's in my room and it's just very awkward

He looks at me for a moment, open his mouth to say-

"For fuck’s sake, Lucifer, just thank them already"

"Belphie! What are you doing in the exchange student's bed?" He asks very accusatory, as if he's not in the 'exchange student's' room so late into the night

"He’s been passed out there since dinner"

"And where were you planning on sleeping tonight" that's a trick question that i know the answer to

"LoL what's sleep" and i instantly regret saying that. That was not the right answer. His face is screaming it

"Just stay out of trouble, human" he gets up and goes to leave the room

He stops at the door way, and looks me in the eye

"Continue being a good influence on my brothers" then he closed the door behind him

"Don't worry," belphie yawns in his pillow " he's just like that. I'm sure you're be able to turn him around"

"Just make sure not to capture his heart too" he mumbled as he went back into deep slumber

Hah. Don't worry belphie

There's no way someone could like me in that way

I continue tinkering with the cube, solving it a couple of time, forget how to solve the xube and get frustrated, and before I knew it the sun was up again

Another day of trying to survive the boys' shenanigans

And I cant help but smile at that

#obey me #obey me luke #obey me mammon #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me simeon #obey me barbatos #obey me belphegor #obey me beelzebub #obey me leviathan #obey me diavolo #obey me solomon #obey me mc #obey me fanfic #obey me fic #what else should i tag?

1K notes · View notes

thatdeadaquarius · 1 year

Note

This is riding off the language stuff in sagau but I just cant get it out of my head a reader who uses tumblr slang every once in a while. like they meet the Traveller and they're like "Omg I'm so cheesed to meet you!!" And the Traveller is just like "???" meanwhile Paimon integrates that into her vocabulary. And then maybe at some point, if the reader has a vision they're like "MAIMING AND BITING YOU" "THAT'S IT! I'M SENDING YOU TO EEBY DEEBY!" while their poor teammates are so confused. Just imagine going over to ppl like Razor, Klee, Chongyun and going "Awwww my lil scrunglos"

Just a very chaotic reader in general lmao

HEY WASSUP ANON

MY BRO THIS IS SO OLD BY NOW IM SO SORRY LMAO- SO ANYWAY HELLO!!! A DESSERT FOR UR PATIENCE 🍨🍧🛐

FOR WAITING SO LONG HERE IS SUM ASS WRITINF MY FRIEND HOPE U GET SMTH OUTTA IT

Bro imma be honest i missed out on some slang on tumblr bc i was off of it for awhile before i refreshed this old blog

So my reaction to these slang words (except for scrunglies/scrunglos ik that one) is just as confused but also its rlly funny that im in the same situation as them LMAO 😭

☆

I would think honestly, even if ur doin it on purpose,

I feel like some slang or refs r too ingrained into my soul to not make

So i would just accidentally use slang/memes, esp around funny ppl like Kaeya or Beidou, and then just give up eventually 💀

♤

So i stg everytime Xiao shows up in a event or smth it surprises me everytime lol

With his teleporting ability i would guess that if ur just chillin around Liyue anytime, Xiao just… shows up lol

Tea with Zhongli? Oh jesus Xiao’s here now.

Watching Xinyan and Yunjin play? Hes on the roof.

Picking ingredients with Xiangling to help her cook yall some amazing food?

Hes in the tree u were just picking Sunsettias in-

◇

So ur in Mondstadt, and ur like,

“oh well no Xiao here, huh kinda feels weird now”

eventually ur dumbass trips over nothing and goes tumbling down a hill, u know, as u do

Ur at the bottom like, 💀

And its kinda hot and ur tired, and r selfaware of ur own goofiness so u just-

“I can see the end of the horizon, is this an internal dialouge-”

Xiao comes around the hill ur splayed at the bottom of.

UR STARTLED BC WTF MONDSTADT?? XIAO??? SO U JUST

“HATSUNE MIKU-”

CRYING-

AND XIAOS LIKE-

“??? No. It’s me. Xiao. The Yaksha Adeptus, my liege?”

HAHFLAHHAHA

AND HE KEEPS ASKING U WHO HATSUNE MIKU IS THE WHOLE WAY BACK TO THE CITY AS HE ESCORTS U LFMAO

♧

U see those scary ruin machines the ones with the fucking legs in Sumeru,

Cyno is ur bodyguard for the day,

And at first he doesn’t see it, like its behind him, but it just like came around a corner, so it hasnt locked in on yall yet

(i headcanon that even if u r the Creator, these are machines, and dont have the sentience to even be self-aware let alone process wtf u are, ig if Khaeynriah made hella AI that is aware maybe it could fathom u)

◇

And u try to warn him but not scare him, so

“CYNO.

CYNO, THE HORSE IS HERE-”

Cue Cyno like

“A horse??? In the desert, Greatest Lord what the fu-”

Almost gets stomped on 😭 rip.

♡

U see Scara for the first time and u befriend him

Ur the only god besides Nahida he’s ok with aw

and one day he’s bodyguarding u around Sumeru

He gets a little too into it and goes ham on several ruin machines

Like full on elmo burning anarchy meme, he's literally cackling floating above the pile of flaming metal-

And ur just clapping like: “that’s my skrunkly :) <3"

He literally interrupts his own cackle, its the most expressive youve ever seen him

😶 😑 😶 ?????¿¿¿??¡¡?!!

HE WILL NOT STOP HARASSING U ABOUT WHAT IT MEANT LMAO

U usually define the words/memes as best u can but u specifically just call him that and never explain LOL

☆

🎵 HI. ITS ME. IM THE PROBLEM ITS ME. 🎵

SO SORRY ANON MY BEAUTY- I HOPE U CAN FORGIVE ME FOR TAKING SO LONG 🙏

I dont even mean just replying with a real thing^

I probably couldve posted ur ask w/o even adding onto it tbh

I dont think its anywhere near as chaotic as what u described but ya boy isnt the good at writing 😔

so i just focused on the memes 🤲

Have a good week anon :O !!

♡

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊 💀Aquarius ♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

379 notes · View notes

marsbabysblog · 1 year

Note

preoutbreak!dbf!joel thought of the day :

your dad was hosting a barbecue for the neighborhood. joel, sarah, and tommy came over as well.

you babysat sarah when she was little. she was 14 now and you were 25. tommy had always expressed interest in you before, but was too shy to say anything.

joel noticed the change in tommy. the way he would look at you, the way he talked about you. the way he thought about you. but, joel had the same exact thoughts. but, you had the same exact thoughts, for joel. what no one knew was that every time sarah was dropped off and joel had a day off, was that joel had you bent over, fucking you into oblivion in his bed.

you sat down next to joel with your drink in your hand. "damn, you drink now? i remember when you were 11, taking care of my daughter. you know i never thanked you for that. how can i ever repay you?"

you told him he didn’t have to, that you didn’t want compensation for it. he whispered to you, "really? you don’t want my hand in your panties, babygirl?" you blushed and pushed his hand away from your thighs.

you whispered back to him, "i always want your hands in my panties, daddy. it’s just that everyone is here. i don’t want anyone knowing what a slut i am for you." and shut your mouth. you got up to get yourself a drink and joel got up and said that he’d go with you.

you went inside to the kitchen and felt him rush up behind you. he pulled your dress up to your hips and smacked your ass. "give me one good reason not to bend you over this counter and spank your little ass till it’s red. feel my cock rubbing against your cunt? feel how hard my cock is for you, princess?”

you nodded and stood all the way up to kiss him. he turned you towards him and asked you, "where’s your room at baby. cant wait much longer, need to be in this pussy." he said and pulled your dress back up as it fell back down. he cupped your pussy in his hand and you started to grind up against it.

you overheard your dad say, "i’m gonna get some more mac and cheese." as soon as he said this you shoved joel down behind you and bent over the counter, knowingly giving him easy access to you.

your dad came inside and said, "where’s joel" you shrugged as you felt your panties being pulled down. you were so unbelievably lucky that from the angle your dad was standing at, he couldn’t see joel behind you. you felt your legs being pushed apart and all of a sudden, you felt a wet sensation on your pussy. you let out a low moan as your dad whipped his head around to see if you were alright. you nodded and told him you’d be out in a second.

he left the kitchen and you turned around, joel’s mouth never leaving your cunt. you grabbed his hair and he pulled you on top of his face. he laid you back on the counter and kept eating you out. you had your hands laced through his hair and shoved his face closer to your center. he put his hand over your mouth trying to keep you quiet but the feeling was just too good

"please daddy, please let me cum. i’ll be so fucking good for you. i’ll bend over the counter and let you take me any fucking way you please, just let me cum. " you pleaded to him. he used his opposite hand to rub circles on your clit.

"cum all over my face, princess." he coaxed you to your climax. you came on his face, but felt something different coming. "joel. it feels like i’m gonna pee. move." you said and tried to push his face away from you. "i’m not fucking moving.” he said and kept licking your cunt. as it came closer, he picked up his pace and said, "you ready, princess?" and put his middle and ring finger inside of you. your vision went white and it took awhile for you to come down. "what just happened?" you asked him. he grabbed your chin and said, "you squirted."

OKAY IM DONE.

Oh my god im literally in love with you that was perfect….

Dude the squirting part is literally making me squirm it’s so good, I need more please 🙏 That was so fucking hot

-marsswann

#joel miller #joel miller smut #marsswann #anons welcome #joel smut #tlou #tlou smut

231 notes · View notes

charliesgoodboy · 1 year

Note

Can I get a fluffy Sanzu x male reader?

Possibly reader and Sanzu making a cheese cake

-♡Sanzu x Male reader(SFW)

-♡A/N:❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

"Sanzu Sanzu ! Can we make cheesecake ? Please ?" Sanzu gave you a look of confusion.

"Cheesecake ? Why so specific ? And why can't you just make it yourself ?" You give him a pouting like look, the whole point of you asking him was so you two could siendo some time together.

Considering all he does is..drugs..torture people..drugs..his job. Which means he doesn't always have time for you, so what better to do than for the two of you to make cheesecake together huh ?

"Aww but Sanzu can we ? I can't just simply make a cheesecake by myself-"

"I'm sure you can though." He says cutting you off.

"Rude." You say rolling your eyes.

"Well yes- I could make it by myself but where is the fun in that ?? Now 'cmon we gotta do this together !" Sanzu groans as you pull him with you to the kitchen all the recipies already on the counter top.

God were there so many ingrediants.

"Oh ! Wait lemme get the rest this is only for the crust." Sanzu's eyes slightly widend.

"Wait- theres more ?"

"Yes ! Of course there is more ! We have to make the actual pie silly." Sanzu can't bake.

And if he did bake, it would fail so miserablely. But if he'll get to send time with you, and if your happy when doing this with him he'll do this with you.

--🦋

"Alright ! Were done !" You say happily the cheesecake in front of you and Sanzu it looked so good, both of you were covered in flour and dough with smiles on your faces.

"Wait ! We cant eat it yet though !" You turn to Sanzu with a confused look.

"Who eats cheesecake warm ?" And 'oh' comes out your mouth as you grab something to wrap the cheesecake with and set it in the freezer.

"About 25 minutes then we can eat !"

Sanzu gives you a smile patting you on the head, kind of like a good job, or maybe even a thank you.

#x male reader #male reader insert #male y/n #male reader #sanzu x y/n #sanzu x you #sanzu x male reader #haruchiyo sanzu #tokyo revengers x male reader

202 notes · View notes

adorecline · 2 years

Note

Omg I just read your Getting Older imagine and I absolutely loved it. Maybe you could do another one sometime soon where it's another ryan and blake x daughter reader but she's been an actress since she was very young acting in a bunch of TV shows and movies, and recently her new movie that has become a series just came out and they are all proud of her. Or even one where she is an actress as well but she meets Walker Scobell but she is older than him but he like has a cute little crush on her and she is like one of his idols.

i love this idea! i hope you like it! <3

The Crush {Ryan Reynolds x daughter!reader}

summary: y/n attends the premiere of The Adam Project with her mom and dad, and meets her dad's costar who also happens to be a big fan of her (and has a huge crush on her)

I do not give anyone permission to copy or repost my work on here or any other websites. no translations either. likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

Liked by maya_hawke, and 879,828 others

yourusername: who's ready for #theadamproject ??

comments

user01: you look so pretty y/n 🥺

user02: it's giving very much blake

| yourusername: she did raise me after all :)

user03: so excited for this movie

vancityreynolds: i have to admit i am quite ready for this movie :)

| yourusername: haha dad...you're so funny!

| vancityreynolds: why thank you, daughter ☺️

user04: you and your mom always have the best dresses i swear 😍

maya_hawke: you look gorgeous y/n!

| yourusername: thank you, maya! ily!!

y/n posed for the photographers on the red carpet. She stood up straight and looked in everyone direction hoping she was somewhat giving all the cameras a smile. She was close to the end of the carpet and she could go meet her parents inside the theater.

y/n waved to the photographers letting them know she would be walking off. She stopped by the railing that held back screaming fans to take some pictures and sign autographs.

When she was done, she started to make her way into the theater, but was stopped by a boy with blonde hair who she recognized as Walker Scobell, her dad's costar of the movie.

"Hi y/n." Walker smiled a bit shyly.

"Hey Walker. It's so nice to meet you finally." y/n smiled back happily.

"It's nice to meet you, too." Walker said. y/n noticed him fidgeting with his fingers a bit. "I'm a big fan of you and your work. You are an amazing actress." He complimented her.

"Thank you so much." y/n beamed at his sweetness. "That means a lot."

"It's true. I've seen like all of your movies." Walker admitted. "You're one of my idols actually. You're just such an amazing actress. You're so talented and you're really pretty, too." His cheeks flushed after he finished.

"Woah there, Kid!" Ryan said walking up to them. "I like you, but slow your roll with my daughter." He joked making Walker's cheek grow even more red.

"Oh my god." Walker mumbled covering his face with his hands to hide his cheeks.

"I'm just messing with you, Walk." Ryan laughed patting his back.

"I was gonna ask for a picture, but now I'm too embarrassed." Walker shook his head smiling nervously.

"No! It's okay. Let's take a picture." y/n reassured him. "Dad, stop making him nervous."

"Okay, I'm sorry." Ryan jokingly raised his hands in defense. "Here, I'll take the picture for you." Ryan held his hand out and Walker gave him his phone.

y/n wrapped her arm over Walker's shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her back. y/n crouched down and leaned closer to him. Both y/n and Walker smiled towards the camera while Ryan sang in a high voice "Cheese!" He snapped a couple pictures before giving Walker his phone back.

"Thank you, y/n." Walker said to her. "It was really nice meeting you."

"You too! I cant wait to see your movie," y/n replied. "My dad has told me great things about."

"Oh, thank you." Walker eyes lit up. "I should probably go find my dad now." He said pointing to the doors behind them.

"We'll see you later, Walker." Ryan said as he left. He waited until Walker was gone then turned back to y/n. "I knew he had a crush on you."

"You're so mean." y/n laughed shaking her head. "Come on, mom is probably wondering where we are."

"Actually, she's probably thankful for the break from us." Ryan said.

tags: @thollandgf

#blake lively x teen!reader #blake lively x daughter!reader #blake lively #celebrities #ryan reynolds x teen!reader #ryan reynolds x daughter!reader #ryan reynolds #social media au

447 notes · View notes

paper-bag-boy · 5 months

Text

PJO: Things I loved About The Show (spoilers)

the chapter titles as episode titles 😭

riptide being a shitty capped pen that looks like it definitely doesnt work

percy being witty/sarcastic

blackjack!!! at least i think that was him in percy's flashback

grover getting slapped with cheese instead of a peanut butter and ketchup sandwich

mythomagic!!! having grover teach percy via mythomagic is a great addition and now i cant wait to see nico's reaction to percy knowing the game in the much later seasons

sally giving percy the blue jelly beans

"You fell in love with God? Like... Like-- like Jesus?"

percy fighting the minotaur (the whole snapping off its horn part ahhh!!!)

annabeth!!!! leah jeffries is amazing. she is annabeth, no doubt about it

"you drool when you sleep"

clarisse!!! Dior Goodjohn was perfect as clarisse la rue. (her war-cry during the capture the flag and her scream when percy broke her spear was so fucking good)

the whole capture the flag segment

percy making the toilets explode

annabeth stalking percy and their conversation in the bathroom

luke's scar

capture the flag!!!

them showing the strawberry field (easily one of my favourite parts about CHB)

showing the hephaestus(?) forges. i think the buff guy was Charles Beckendorf. could be wrong tho

clarisse's electric spear!! (honourable mention: percy breaking said spear)

Mr D lying that he's percy's dad and asking him to get him wine

that's all i can think of atm but I'll probably add more when i rewatch the eps later in the week. in the meantime, here's a list of things i wish they added in the show:

#percy jackson #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #percy and annabeth #annabeth chase #clarrise la rue #grover underwood #pjo spoilers #percy jackson spoilers #percy jackson series #percy jackson show #percy jackson disney+

27 notes · View notes

kaylakenobi · 2 years

Text

I did this a while ago with Marvel characters, but now I'm hyperfixated on Star Wars so here's this:

Star Wars characters as weird things my friends have said (can you tell who my favorite characters are lmao) :

Anakin: Let's trust fall off a cliff

Obi-Wan: I'll cheese grate your tongue.

Hera: Learn how to do a fourway!

Obi-Wan: Do you want to be a psychologist or a psychologist?

Anakin: You just said the same thing twice!

Zeb: The grinch doesn't even hurt ppl, he just takes away their joy.

Luke: I'm not racist, I eat cauliflower and broccoli.

Rey: I'm not trying to race you in my 2006 Toyota camry dude, I'm just trying to get home.

Fives: I will smack you out of that wheelchair.

Luke: Oml gay kind bars

Padme: I Gotta gaslight gatekeep girl boss my way through life

Ezra: Where is my other sock!- oh I'm wearing it.

Anakin: You just gotta follow the serotonin man

Luke: I'm gay and men are too headache for me.

Cody: I'll take the teeth the lord so foolishly decided to put in your mouth.

Anakin: I cant mansplain manipulate manwhore my way out of this one boys

Ahsoka: For the LAST TIME I am a LESBIAN I'm not trying to steal you're boyfriend! He smells like doritos anyway.

Rex: I’m not jealous, Flavio, I’m GAY

Ezra: I just have this happy personality in this sad soul. It feels funky in a not snazzy way.

Echo: You can't delete your internet history from God.

Fives: Yes you can, ctrl + astaghfirulla

Obi-Wan: I have this very rare thing called common sense, a lot of people don't have it because I'm just better.

Caleb (child Kanan): Cannibalism is frowned upon in most countries.

Ahsoka: Why are the watermelon shaped like little caskets?

Anakin: Shut up, be grateful, and eat your dead people.

Kanan: I cant even raise a spider, how do you expect me to kill a child... wait

Padme: Omg Anakin, just bc you lost your hand doesn't mean you have to cut off your son's hand too.

(Yes my friend actually said that while we were watching Star Wars)

Omega: We can do left! Harry Styles will help us through it!

Han: You can't just kill your father omg.

Leia: Like okay you can have your lame hospital drama, I’ll have romance death and dragons.

Omega: I'm not crazy, I'm just extra. A material gorl.

Hunter: Besides tying her up idk how to hold a toddler

Han: I could never be a doctor bc my intrusive thoughts would be like, "Let them bleed out on the table." Or "Amputate the wrong limb."

Crosshair: Excuse me, it's a magical toothpick

Omega: Like it tries to be smart but the smart simply can't smart so the stupid is just rlly stupid

Tech: Was I on Aderall?

Fives: Dude, are you vaping right now?

Echo: *tearing up* It’s just chapstick man

Anakin: I want to sleep in a casket.

Obi-wan: What??

Anakin: They look comfy.

The bad batch: You're a phsycopath.

Crosshair: Thanks I was born in Florida.

Cody: I have new shoes.

Rex: Cool, I have depression

Sabine: I do not want the meat stick, I want to die!

Ezra: Then the itsy bitsy meat stick will execute you!

Anakin: Spiders deserve to burn in hell.

Ahsoka: But you're going to hell??

Anakin: Excuse me!?

Omega: He looks like a knock of Donny Jepp.

Hera: Do you mean Johnny Depp?

Omega: Same difference.

Palpatine: I steal children.

Anakin: At least you don’t have sex with them.

Anakin: ugh this song is like an orgasm for my ears

Wrecker: ew it smells gross

Tech: ofc it does we're in the middle of nowhere in Utah

Cody: *drives past cemetary* I cant believe people are dying to get in there. It just kills me.

Leia: Don't die because then we'll have to re-space the dance again.

95 notes · View notes

estradasphere · 3 months

Text

listened to the new vacon album!!!!! (i had to make a japanese spotify account cuz it doesnt release in the US until midnight orz) my thoughts on it below, mostly copypasted from when i was liveblogging it on discord lol

HATED JOHN - regret version

i'm not sure if i like this version of hated john better than the original hmmm.... his voice is certainly more dynamic but it doesnt feel like he's used to singing like that haha. a lot of voice effects being used too. i guess it's not better or worse it's just different p: instrumental sounded identical to the original to me but i'll have to relisten, i wasnt paying much attention to it

actually, he sounded like he was influenced by symaG's cover of hated john

2. Woodpecker

2nd song is woodpecker which was the one single he dropped so ive heard it plenty before. still a banger

3. ElecTravel - choo-choo version

electravel starts with a train chugging noise lol he's going all in with the toybox album theme

otherwise sounds pretty damn close to the original so far. vocal delivery is sliiiiightly different. actually i think i like this version better

man he still has that problem where his vocals kinda get drowned out by the instrumental sometimes though

OH he added an extra verse! kinda

4. TOY CHEESE

ok first original song we havent heard before. toy cheese-- WHAT THE FUCK

ok nvm i was just thrown off by the sample at the beginning. this is fun

…this literally just sounds like a jingle for a toy commercial. i think that's what it's sampling

what is he dooiiiiinnngggggg i cant deny that his flow is really good though

5. モーニング・ベーコン - tee-hee version

morning bacon time!!!

yeah he's getting drowned out by the instrumental during the kinda whispery parts. i dont remember if that even happens in the original. ill definitely have to relisten to them and compare afterwards

but yeah his voice is absolutely more dynamic on the album

oh seems like he's changing up the lyrics a bit too

i think i just heard his mic peak 😭

instrumental seemed the same

6. D-D-Donuts

second new original song time

this sounds like a childrens commercial again. vacon i know how you can make boatloads of money just license this to hasbro

very catchy though…

his flow is so GOOD

7. 微熱パレイド

BINETSU PARADE YAAAYY i wonder if saegusa redid her vocals too?

sounds like she did

still whispery but sounds a little clearer to me

absolutely whimsical album this is. the silliest hiphop ive ever heard. dude just wants to rap about food and toys and have a good time i can respect that

8. Afro Man - hold tight version

AFRO MAN-- dude you're too close to the mic

how did he get Less professional. wait thats the problem. these sound like first drafts not remixes. i mean theyre still good songs but

hes getting drowned out by the instrumental again too ahhhhh like yeah his beats are really good but be more confident man

9. Xanadisco

xanadisco… is he gonna rap about drugs please rap about drugs thatd be so fucking funny

PIANO!

ohhhhhhh i really love this instrumental

WAIT THIS RULES

yep this is my favorite song on the album so far no notes

why is it called xanadisco though. its not really disco…

👏👏👏

10. Be-li-va Voyager

another new original now

THIS IS ALSO REALLY GOOD!! why did he save his best songs for the latter half of the album

just say what you waaaant cmoonn~~~

i love the occasional turntable scratch he throws in there lol

11. Love my JANE - repaired version

love my jane… sounds identical to the original so far except the guitar is a little louder?

yeah it sounds like he didnt even rerecord the vocals he just remastered the instrumental slightly?

oh nvm there's like 1 bar of new vocal delivery in here thats it

still a great song. he didn't really Need to do anything to it besides adjust the mixing a little. so he did not

12. RUSTY DRUM BLUES

last song. this sounds like a track from sonic spinball

oh my god it really does HAHAHAHA

not a bad thing. sonic spinball ost slaps

not sure if i like the vocal effects he's using but the delivery itself is good

ooh when most of the instruments drop out for a sec its pretty groovy actually

yeah he's almost belting now haha thats definitely not something he wouldve done like 5 years ago. good for him for working on his voice

ough... definitely sounds a little overwrought at times though

also there was a brief moment of silence and i could just baaaaarely hear him breathe that was awesome actually

fade out aaannnddd album over

#it's a bit rough around the edges but i liked it #afaik vacon does Everything himself no external mixmastering or anything so its understandably not perfect hahaha #but there's plenty of nice ideas in there #a few tracks i was meh on but also a few i really adored #vaconposting #im still gonna throw my money at him when the cd drops (AND SHIRTS? HE WAS TALKING ABOUT MAKING SHIRTS?)

4 notes · View notes

wine-dark-soup · 10 months

Note

the ilvl restriction should give you more variety in alliance raids rather than less. it's just to prevent ilvl cheesing (high level players removing half their gear when they queue so their ilvl is lower and forcing everyone into ct for fast tomes). level 50-59 sprouts queing for ct will have the right ilvl and still get parties with people of all levels and ct will still show up as one of the random possibilities for people high level people. it's just preventing people from abusing the system which not only forces people into ct over and over to the point they will just instantly quit out but makes it almost impossible for people (including sprouts) to queue for other alliance raids without waiting for hours. so hopefully it's better for sprouts and top level people who actually want variety!

Oh my god thank you for the thorough explanation! Square comes up with clever solutions i love it. INDEED we will now get more variety i cant wait

#Sorry once again im not watching the fanfest at best im skimming through the livestreams' replays #So i just saw the presentation i reblogged and misunderstood! 😭#This is genuinely such a good idea #anonymous

11 notes · View notes

pesterloglog · 5 months

Text

Jake English, Aranea Serket

Act 6, page 6572-6586

JAKE: Zzzzzz.

JAKE: Ooh neytiri...

JAKE: Zzz.

JAKE: Im learning so much about myself...

JAKE: Through your primitive culture...

JAKE: Snore.

NEYTIRI: Jake.

JAKE: Whats that neytiri?

JAKE: Snooze.

JAKE: Why yes...

JAKE: Of course i am open to exploring alien intercourse with you...

NEYTIRI: Jake.

JAKE: Do what with my tail now?

JAKE: Oh my...

JAKE: Zzzzzzzzzzz.

NEYTIRI: Jake, wake up.

JAKE: Hold your horses neytiri im doing my best here...

JAKE: You know mobility isnt my strong suit what with this wobbly pair of puppet legs god gave me...

JAKE: Slumber.

ARANEA: JAKE!!!!!!!!

JAKE: BWUH??

ARANEA: Greetings, Jake.

ARANEA: We meet again.

JAKE: Aranea?

JAKE: Wait this means im still dreaming doesnt it.

ARANEA: On the contrary!

ARANEA: You are awake now.

ARANEA: And I, alive.

JAKE: Hold the phone...

JAKE: Youre not a spooky ghost babe anymore?

JAKE: Girl! Ghost girl.

JAKE: (Dangit!)

ARANEA: No, Jake. I have returned from the dead for good.

ARANEA: And I have come for you.

JAKE: G-g-g-

JAKE: Gulp. :o

ARANEA: Surely you remem8er the first time we met? And what we talked a8out?

JAKE: Yeah.

JAKE: Um.

JAKE: Mostly?

ARANEA: I once spoke of your destiny. The one where8y you will deal the Lord of Time his first defeat. Do you recall?

JAKE: No.

JAKE: I mean...

JAKE: Maybe?

ARANEA: It doesn't matter. The plan has changed.

JAKE: It has?

ARANEA: Yes, Jake.

ARANEA: You see, in every hero of hope there dwells a gr8 hidden power, unrivaled 8y that of any other aspect.

ARANEA: And for a page, the journey to reach his full potential is longer than it is for any other class.

ARANEA: 8ut once that journey is over, how fearsome he 8ecomes!

ARANEA: I am here to shorten that journey for you.

ARANEA: And in return for this favor, you will serve my needs.

JAKE: H-

JAKE: How?

ARANEA: There are many o8stacles within that are preventing you from accessing your true potential.

ARANEA: You cannot see them, Jake. 8ut I can.

ARANEA: I can see every fault and fissure in your mind. My vision 8-fold sheds light on every injury you have ever suffered, whether emotional or physical.

ARANEA: I can repair it all for you, Jake.

JAKE: (Oh no...)

ARANEA: I can heal your mind.

JAKE: (Oh n-n-n-)

ARANEA: I can heal your soul.

JAKE: N-n-n-n-n-n-n-nooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

ARANEA: What's the matter?!

JAKE: Stop! Please stop!

JAKE: Why does everyone want to kiss me all the time!

JAKE: What did i ever do to deserve this sort of attention!

JAKE: I dont know what you all see in me i just dont understand it!

JAKE: Cant you see i just want you to LEAVE ME ALONE?

JAKE: CHEESE AND STUPID CRACKERS I AM A MAN NOT A PIECE OF MEAT!!!

JAKE: Waaah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah!

JAKE: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

ARANEA: Wow, alright!!!!!!!!

ARANEA: I'm sorry!

ARANEA: There! See?

ARANEA: I am respecting your personal 8oundaries. We don't have to kiss!

ARANEA: Good grief, that went poorly.

ARANEA: I only tried to kiss you 8ecause I knew you were attracted to me!

ARANEA: I thought I was doing you a FAVOR!

ARANEA: I don't know what I'm supposed to........

ARANEA: Sigh.

ARANEA: You really are a piece of work, Jake. Here I am, a literal mind reader, and I still can't figure you out.

ARANEA: 8ut you're right.

ARANEA: My advances were inappropri8te, and in the future I will try to 8e more respectful.

ARANEA: I'm still going to heal you though.

ARANEA: It is nothing personal. There is simply no altern8tive.

ARANEA: Your power is too important to my plan!

#homestuck #jake english #aranea serket #homestuck act 6 #page 6572 #page 6573 #page 6574 #page 6575 #page 6576 #page 6577 #page 6578 #page 6579 #page 6580 #page 6581 #page 6582 #homestuck act 6 act 6 #homestuck act 6 act 6 intermission 2

2 notes · View notes

snug-the-bug · 6 months

Text

*Two robed, hooded cultists stand around a ritual circle with a third cultist floating in the circle glowing and speaking in gibberish. Their names are Dave, Keith and Sam.*

Cultist Dave taps his foot, then impatiently rolls up their robes sleeve to check their watch "How long is this going to take? I have a thing after this."

Cultist Keith pauses, than with a quisical tilt of their head asks "... A thing? We're literally communing with the dead to learn the true name of a reality destroying outer god of discord and chaos, and you wanna know when we can wrap it up?"

Cultist Dave sassily tilts his head right back while crossing their arms "I have a life outside of the cult Keith!"

they stare at each other for a awkward beat, the only sound is their floating glowy buddy Sam's strange gibberish talk filling the silence.

Cultist Keith breaks the stare-off first to look off to the side as they awkwardly shift their weight while raising their hands in a stoping motion of surrender "Ok geez, sorry. i didn't mean anything by it, no need to snap at me." after another short pause Keith trys to push past the tension and asks "Sooo... uh.. you have plans huh? What are you gonna be doing? gonna catch a movie or something?"

Cutist Dave hesitates and his crossed armed stance loosens a little at the question "... I have a cheese cake waiting for me in my freezer at home." they bite out shortly, clearly a little embarrassed by their admission.

Cultist Keith's raised hands slowly droop to his sides "it doesn't excuse you snapping at me, but.. ya ok, thats a good reason." Keith admits.

Any farther conversation is halted by their fellow cultist Sam as he abruptly stops speaking, glowing and floating all at the same time. he seems winded as he falls to his knees in the middle of the ritual circle he was floating above just a second ago.

Dave and Keith motion to help Sam up but before they even reach him he's already starting to stand on his own. Keith, unable to keep down his excitement starts word vomiting "Did it work? Are you alright? Did you get the name? Were the dead people cool?!" luckily Keith has enough self control to stop talking when Sam tiredly holds up his hand, silently asking him to stop talking.

"Yes it worked, yes im alright, yes i got the name." Sam says slowly, before geting a strange look on their face "they weren't really cool i guess, more strange and loud?" Sam seems strangely unsure about that.

Keith has many questions but before he can voice them Dave interrupts "Forget about that, we got the name?! A gods true name?! thats HUGE!" he exclaimed with undertones of disbelief "i don't even... Can it even be pronounced? or does it need sounds that mortals cant make to say it?" Dave excitedly says, clearly getting into it now that they have some results, cheese cake seemingly forgotten.

The strange look that Dave an Keith were beginning to recognize as confusion never left Sam's face, in fact Dave's questions only seem to make it worse "... No we can pronounce it." Sam says blankly "It's name is Betty."

Silence descends on the cultists as they process Sam's words. Keith and Dave both adopt Sam's dumfounded look "the chaos gods name is... Betty?" Cultist Keith asks in disbelief.

Sam's meets his fellow cultists eyes and his confusion somehow deepens, which considering he just revealed that a outer god shares a name with more than a few little old granny's is, frankly, very concerning. "Yep... a talking lemon told me so." Dave and Keith can only stare at Sam emotionlessly, what does that even mean???

Sam breaks eye contact and looks at the ceiling with a thousand yard stare and monotonously continues, sounding as lost as they felt "Betty is apparently the talking lemons vampire stepmom's adopted father's wife.

Keith and Dave stare at Sam, then look at each other and share a mutual nod "Alright, something definitely went wrong with that ritual." Keith says with certainty while he and Dave each take a arm and escort Sam away from the ritual circle as Sam continues to mumble explanations at them.

"The lemon said that Betty was originally human but then she made a wish with a magic crown that was made by a ice elemental. she saved the world from being destroyed by another chaos god, which also made her become that god for some reason? " Sam says under his breath. Dave comfortingly pats the arm hes using the lead Sam away and says "Its alright buddy, we get it." they continue walking for a moment before Dave continues "Tell you what, if you guys want to come over to my place, i have a piece of cheese cake with your names on them."

Keith silently nods his agreement and half a secound later Sam mutters "Acceptable" in a strangely high-pitched and screechy tone of voice.

Author note.

I was trying to match adventure times tone, if you get what i mean?

If it wasn't obvious this little story is set wayy after the finale of Adventure Time. Betty has been Golb or a while at this point and most of our favorite adventure time characters are hanging out in the afterlife by now. I cant decide if the cultist are from future Ooo or a alternate reality, it works either way i guess. I think we can all agree that of all the people who knew Simon and Betty in the afterlife Lemongrab would probably be among the most confusing to have get information from.

#adventure time #au #fanfiction #fanfic #betty grof #lemongrab #adventure time but like 1000 years after the finale

4 notes · View notes