#given today's earlier result anything is possible

[loveephia]

:¨ ·.· ¨: suna rintarō's valentine special.

`· . ꔫ sypnosis: in which suna absolutely despises valentines and has always thrown away every given box of chocolates, even the one his crush sent him.

content: (🦷) tooth-rotting fluff, minor hurt with comfort, reader is apart of the botany club, atsumu and osamu make an appearance, atsumu is a chatterbox, osamu is trustworthy, plot twist.

⚠ warning/s: none.

my HQ masterlist. (valentine's edition)

"oh wow." was all you were able to mutter from the inevitable; the mountain of boxed chocolates on suna's desk.

sure, he wasn't as popular as the miyas, but he was definitely captivating.

the latter himself hasn't arrived yet, even though you normally walked to school with him. you told suna that you had to come by earlier than usual because of club duties. a lie, but a white one.

you wanted to place your own valentines gift on his desk so that when he receives it, you won't have to see the dissapointed reaction he'll get. even though it was quite early, there seemed to be a few girls that beat you to it.

knowing suna, there was a high chance that he'd throw these all away. you knew that very well.

yet a small voice in the back of your head said otherwise.

you quietly placed the box on his desk, and behind you was the door sliding open. you turned around and saw atsumu and osamu, two of suna's classmates and teammates.

osamu looks over at your stiff hands and awkward position, having just placed your box of chocolates on suna's desk. osamu chooses to metaphorically zip his mouth shut as to signify the fact that he won't tell suna a word.

you sigh in relief and nod at him, leaving the classroom to go to your own.

osamu turned to atsumu, who eyed between osamu's desk and his own vigorously. there was an obvious favorite in the different heights of the boxed sweets. let's just say that atsumu was displeased.

"why do ya have more than me? we have the same face!" atsumu scowled.

osamu shrugged, "unfortunately, not the same personality." he made his way over to his desk, ready to greedily snack on all of the well-deserved chocolates he received.

time skip.

time flies by, and with every aching second, you dread the walk home with suna. the valentine's day events in inarizaki helped keep your mind off of it, especially the part where you sold a few flowers grown by your botany club. a few students have gone home, satisfied or heartbroken, with today's results.

all of your guts gone, now hoping that suna did, in fact, throw the boxes of chocolate away like you originally thought he would.

you see him approaching the front of the inarizaki gate, and you wave, trying to act as normal as possible. suna waves back with the same bored expression on his face.

"yes, let's pretend i don't have a massive crush on you or anything."

"so, how'd your valentine's go?" you ask him playfully even though you know he's probably just going to complain. suna scoffs, "don't even get me started."

no boxes of chocolate in sight, meaning he must've thrown them all away. this was just what you had hoped for,

yet your heart still seemed to ache.

"on the way down the stairs, i saw atsumu getting confessed to." suna recalled.

"and?" you asked.

"he made the girl cry."

you roll your eyes, "classic 'tsumu. being shockingly inconsiderate as always." you said. atsumu was a smart player on the court, but off it, he could be a real idiot.

suna hummed in agreement, "let's get going. all the love in the air is making me restless." he said with sarcasm clear in his tone. you giggled, nodding.

there was a tranquil silence between you two, only shoes padding against the cement of the sidewalk was heard. you walking alongside one another merely as friends and nothing more.

you didn't want that.

you see your house in the distance and decide that it was time to confess. if he rejects you, you can dash home, shut the door, and deal with him tomorrow. it's not the best plan, but it's doable. "suna.. i really like you." your voice quiet, getting ready to run.

suna looks at you to see your cute face glowing red. he chuckles lowly, "i know."

you whip your head at him, stopping in your tracks. "really?! wh— but how?" you query.

flashback.

"hey, sunarin." osamu greeted the boy, who only nodded and made his way toward his desk.

"this is fer you." atsumu gave suna a box— correction, your box of chocolates. suna raises a brow, "are you making me your garbage man for the day?" he deadpans. it's too early in the morning for atsumu and his antics.

atsumu chokes out a laugh, "no, ya idiot! that's from y/n. she placed it on yer desk this morning, but i pulled it aside so that it doesn't drown in yer sea of valentine's." he explained, enjoying the way he (actually, you) broke through suna's deadpan nature; his eyes widened slightly, and the corner of his cheeks were tinted a nice shade of red.

osamu's jaw slacks, and it's now wide open from atsumu's exposure. atsumu turns to his twin and shrugs, "i never zipped my mouth shut with ya, y'know?"

osamu cringes, "this's exactly why i got more valentine's than yer nosy ass."

"excuse me, how dare you, sir!"

suna takes the box from atsumu and examines it. it was a pink, heart-shaped box with a cute red ribbon tied on one curve. it's not store-bought, suna knows. he doesn't see a brand name, and it has your scent on it. you spent your time actually making it. and it looks to suna that you made it with care since it's in such pristine condition. why would you send him an undeserving valentine when you knew suna himself hated the holiday? "this is from y/n?" he asked atsumu.

atsumu groans at suna's mild disbelief, "yes! it's not like i can give you a damn picture of her puttin' it on yer desk. tell him, 'samu!" he turned to his twin as his last resort to convince their middle blocker.

"as much as i don't wanna meddle in yer personal affairs, 'tsumu is right." osamu confirmed as atsumu looks back at suna with an "i-told-you" expression.

flashback ends.

you stood there idly, trying to process the bizarre story suna just told. "but then again.. this is all because of atsumu here. it sounds like something he'd do." you thought to yourself.

you don't believe him until suna cuts you off, pulling out the familiar box of chocolates from his bag. "i ate a few already. they were delicious." suna opened the box to showcase the fact that he did indeed eat a few. he took one more and popped it into his mouth.

"wait.. if you knew those chocolates were from me, then why didn't you say anything?!" you exclaimed in an irritated tone.

suna poked your red-tinted cheek, "i wanted to hear it straight from you." you felt your face getting warmer and warmer as suna pulled you close. you hid yourself in his chest, feeling quite bashful.

"and yes, i like you too." suna finally admits, "i'll keep any valentine's gift you give me, y/n."

© lowercase intended | loveephia

#haikyuu fluff #haikyuu!! #hq x reader #hq x y/n #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x y/n #hq hcs #tooth rotting fluff #hq #suna rintarō #suna rintarou #suna rintaro drabbles #suna rintaro x you #suna rintaro fic #suna rintaro x y/n #suna x you #suna x y/n #hq suna #suna x reader #suna rintaro imagine #suna rintaro fluff #suna rintaro scenarios #suna rintaro haikyuu #suna rinatro #osamu miya #atsumu miya #inarizaki #haikyuu suna #valentines

[matan4il]

I read an awful article about the rape victims who got pregnant on Oct 7 who are nearing the end of their first trimester.

Hi Nonnie!

My apologies that real life has been so crazy, I only get to answer this at the point when anyone who might have gotten pregnant on Oct 7, is now 4 months pregnant, which from what I understand is normally too late to have an abortion even if she were released today... And these women are not likely to be released anytime soon, if Hamas has anything to say or do about it.

So yes, I am devastated to say that this is a real option. We don't know for sure, but it is a real possibility, that between the weaponized mass rape by Hamas (including gang rapes, as testified to by survivors) that took place on Oct 7, and the on going sexual abuse that kidnapped Israelis have been enduring (and while none of the released Israeli hostages has spoken about being personally sexually abused publicly, we know they have privately, and that all released women in the relevant age group were given pregnancy tests. We don't know what their results were, but they were released much earlier, when abortion would not have been an issue), it is horrifyingly possible. One released Israeli said that she knows some female hostages who are still captive in Gaza were no longer getting their period. This could also be due to malnutrition. Without enough daily calories, the female body will conserve energy by stopping the monthly menstruation cycle. This happened to A LOT of Jewish women during the Holocaust, and is something we talk about when giving tours or lectures that focus on the unique challenges women experienced during that time. That said, I think the horror of the situation is the fact that as these women are not getting their periods, it's either because they're starving, or because pregnancy was forced on them by their rapists, who are also still their captors, and IDK which scenario is worse. One could kill them, the other could destroy them.

There's going to be a new documentary about Hamas' sexual war crimes released soon, I imagine they will touch upon this specific subject, too.

I wish I had some words of comfort to offer, Nonnie. I'm sending all the hugs I have instead... xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

#israel #antisemitism #israeli #israel news #israel under attack #israel under fire #terrorism #anti terrorism #hamas #antisemitic #antisemites #jews #jew #judaism #jumblr #frumblr #jewish #ask #anon ask #resources

[ingravinoveritas]

Heheh

Grouping these all together because a whole bunch of things happened today and there is a lot to talk about. For those who haven't seen, Georgia posted an Insta story of the sunset, which was followed by an extremely similar picture/Insta story from AL about an hour later. Shortly after that, Anna posted another story of Lyra and Birdie baking side by side, which Georgia also reshared:

Right off the bat, one thing in particular stood out about AL's story: Her using the hashtag #bakingwithsheenant, which differs from the tags she and Georgia normally use (#Sheenbergnants or something to that effect). It especially caught my attention because "Sheenant" is one of the ship names used in the fandom for Michael/David (though it is not a term I normally use). AL could have easily been referring to Lyra and Birdie in the photo, of course, but...of all the portmanteaus and hashtags AL could have chosen, she went with that one, and all I can say is that if it was nothing more than a fluke, then it was one hell of a fluke for her to make.

As if all this weren't enough, however, we then have what @phantomstars24 has mentioned, which is another story that Georgia shared just a little while ago:

To what was said in the Asks above, if this is true, it would absolutely mean that Michael and David are also neighbors, and that my head feels like it's slightly melting. Because there is no way in hell Michael bought a house in London next to David by accident. A meteorite has a better chance of hitting the Earth and bringing back the dinosaurs as our reptilian overlords than that does of being an accident.

Also if Michael and David are together as part of some poly arrangement, I can't think of a better way for them to ensure that they can see each other all the time. The number of possibilities are limitless: Random sleepovers, snuggling on the couch for movie date night, unwinding with a glass of red wine after they've had a long day doing their respective plays. Thinking as well of how we saw Michael and David looking at each other at opening night of Macbeth, now the chances of them going home together afterward have shot up by about a million, and I can hardly get my mind around it. I mean...dear God...

As for Georgia's "So linked!" sounding sarcastic, I could definitely see that as sarcasm. The sunset pictures from earlier seemed very planned, and even more so once we saw the baking picture. I saw some reactions from fans calling AL and Georgia "besties" once the Insta stories were posted, but I'm not exactly sure how those posts make them besties. The way Georgia posts about Anna is entirely different from how she posts about Jennie Fava, whom we know actually is one of Georgia's longtime best friends, so that difference makes it difficult for me to see why people see Georgia/AL in that light.

And if they are frequently getting together because of that proximity/because it is easier for Michael and David to have one house to themselves while AL, Georgia, and the kids are in another, I could see some degree of resentment existing on Georgia's end, especially if she feels like more of a babysitter than anything else. It's difficult to say for certain, of course, but we also have so many instances now of Anna copying Georgia on social media that I would imagine it has started to feel like a bit of a "me and my shadow" routine.

In any case, we have a lot of little pieces here that only give us a small glimpse at the whole, but boy, are they some very interesting pieces indeed. I think what strikes me most about all of this is that these stories also allude to Michael and David spending time together, yet we never actually see any pictures of them. (I have an Ask related to this waiting in my inbox, so I will expand more on that in a bit.) But we are being given room to think that, and to draw certain conclusions as a result, and I think both Georgia and AL know that and seemingly do not have a problem with it.

So yes, those are my thoughts on all the developments from today. Glad as always to hear from my followers and what your thoughts are on all this...

#unforgivablengk #phantomstars24 #reply post #michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #david tennant #soft scottish hipster gigolo #georgia tennant #what even is happening here #it's like Michael got tired of ordering off DoorDash and moved next door so he can get a David snack anytime he wants #let me live please #'sheenant' though why #Michael is about as subtle as a drunken llama on roller skates #ineffable lovers #so many questions #i need to lie down #anna lundberg #discourse

[stargazing15]

What a wonderful wedding

Summary: What if you had caught one of your cousin's wedding guests' attention, but you had been too busy helping out with her wedding to notice him? The bride comes to the rescue.

Warnings: reader described as a small person, fluff

A/N: got longer than expected, woospie daisies

Enjoy!

So fucking perfect. That was how you could describe your cousin's wedding up until now.

Rebecca, or Becs as you always called her, was the cousin you were closest to, you two were basically sisters. She and her newly wed husband Rueben were the cutest couple possible. They actually made you believe in love again.

After the break up with your longtime boyfriend, she moved hell and earth to be with you, to comfort you.

It might have been a year already, but you were somehow still stuck in your post-break up slumber. Knowing you, but most of all her bridesmaids, Rebecca had asked for your help during the preparations of the wedding and even today, the big day, you were helping out. You had to admit the result was exactly what you had hoped for and the preparatios helped wonderfully getting you out of your slumber.

The ceremony had the most romantic scenery you had seen, with a lot of thanks to yourself. Before Rebecca arrived, Rueben and his friends were stealing the show wearing their Full Dress uniforms. You took a quick glance at them, who doesn't love a man in uniform, to go back to perfecting the last little details before your cousin would appear. Your eyes quickly crossed paths with one of the very hot groomsmen. 'Probably a coincidence, just looking around like I was', you thought, only with your heart skipping a beat. This only lead to you not noticing those two eyes following your every move, lingering to talk to you, hoping he would catch your attention too.

The men might have stolen everyone's attention for a bit, but when your cousin made her grand entrance, guided by your very proud looking uncle, your heart skipped a little beat. She looked stunning in her fairytale-like wedding dress. Her hair styled simply but with a couple of details to make her whole appearance marvelous. But it was her smile that was the last detail to complete her angelic look.

You were definitely not the only one noticing her beautiful look on her day. Your aunty and uncle had happy tears escaping down their cheeks and your granny was glooming of happiness and talking to your granddad in heaven, who also was very happy as the sun was shining today. But most important of all, the from, the look on Rueben's face when he saw his bride was the look every bride would want on her special day. He gripped one his groomsman next to him when Rebecca made her entrance. His smile matched Rebecca's and his eyes were glued on her until she stood in front of him. This man was after 8 years still very in love with his bride-to-be. That look in his eyes made you believe again that real love did exist, only you had to find the right person.

Now, an hour into the party -by the way, the first dance was amazing, insert emoticon with star-eyes.- after you were finally able to ditch your aunts and uncles, you had made it to the dancefloor. Becca had obliged you, because, yes, you were still busy making sure the the party was going smoothly.

"Now relax and enjoy, you already have done too much and it has been sooooo perfect! I love my bridesmaids a lot, but they would all together never able to pull off anything like the perfect party you have given Rueben and me. So please please please, enjoy." She took your hand in hers and was on her way dragging you to a group of men, with some woman around the group trying to catch any of their attention.

"Oh my god Becs, those groomsmen earlier, they were looking so hot in their uniforms." The couple of wines in your system were making you spill the things you normally would only tell her on a girl night.

"How much wine did you have? And yes I've got to admit, men in uniform are eyecandy." She sang with her eyes locked on her hubby.

"Just two, how would I have ever survived uncle Fred's ramble about politics."

"Okay, you have a valid point, I would probably need a whole bottle to survive him," Rebecca laughed, "so, anyone of them catching your eye?"

"Uh, not really, no." Rebecca stopped and looked at you with an questionable expression that made you laugh. "Okay, okay, miss Fitch, the one with the moustache." You admitted.

"Oooh Bradley, good choice. And miss Fitch, sweetie, I love the sound of it, still a bit unreal, but so wonderful. Come on."

The second you were about to approach the group, you saw him arrive back. But he was holding hands with a beautiful woman. She had beautifully styled dark brown hair and a very beautiful body. She was a thousand more beautiful than you. So, he was taken, with his looks it wasn't actually a surprise.

With your mood now taken a major hit, you hung your head a little lower, suddenly the floor was very interesting. Rebecca wiggled her and your body between the men and nudged Rueben for his attention.

"Guys, guys, there is someone you all need to meet. This day wouldn't have been this wonderful without her, she organized almost everything. I know it must have been hell with me being away a lot and Becca's mind being distracted too. Guys meet Becca's cousin."

You heard your name echo a couple of times, but you only heard the echo coming from the man with the moustache. Fuck, that voice. It was so deep and masculine, that you had a hard time getting your eyes off him. You really tried not to focus only on him, knowing he was taken. But it was so hard to fight it.

Rueben introduces them all to you, except for the blond one, Jake or Hangman, he was very quick to introduce himself before Rueben even had the chance. So Bradley and Natasha, they looked good together. Only weird they weren't holding hands anymore.

After a little smalltalk with Jake, you excused yourself from the group to get a new drink.

"Hey, everything okay sweetie?"

"Yes Becs, just a little overwhelmed." You tried to put up a genuine smile. "Go have fun with your friends, I think the are trying to get you attention."

"Oh God, I'm going to try to get them away from Rueben's friends. I do not want them to interfere with my life with Rueben. I love them, but you know how they are."

"Yeah, I think I understand." You chuckled. "See ya later Becs, have fun!" And off she was, and you finally had some rest at the bar.

You were playing a little with the drink chart as you were contemplating what to get.

"So, I see you escaped from Hangman." That voice came up from behind you.

"Oh, hi, uhm, Bradley right? I just needed some ... rest, the group is a lot." You smiled nervously.

"They can be, so, what you're going to get, Shortcake?" That nickname you hear earlier tonight. Only coming from Bradley you didn't mind.

"You too?" You curiously asked.

"I came up with the name, Hangman stole it."

"But why though?"

"Well, shortcake, if you let me join you, I might let you know." Bradley was teasing you already and letting a small smirk appear on his face, his moustache twitching a bit

"Uh, okay, 2 questions for you first."

"Shoot." Damn his his big brown orbs, they were staring at you and by the looks of it he wasn't going to look at anything or anyone else. Dispite...

"Okay, doesn't your other half mind that you are -"

"Oh no, that, uh haha," was he making fun of you? "I'm not, I'm not in a relationship with anyone, yet."

You were baffled by that. "But, earlier? You were holding hands. I can't follow."

"Oh, you saw that, is that why I suddenly saw your smile fading? You were shining throughout the whole evening and when you joined us ... shit, that wasn't supposed to-"

"So you are dating her?" Disappointment was written all over your face, even more now than before, was he really trying something with you when he already has a girl?

"No, I'm not dating Nat, she was helping me out to get through that other group without getting inappropriately touched everywhere. In fact she has been nudging me all day to talk to you." A smile appeared on his face when mentioning you.

"Oh my god." You hid your head in your hands, trying to become invisible of embarrassment. Only to accidentally throw the drinking chart at Bradley. If only that sinkhole from your wish earlier could appear now under your feet...

"Shortcake, look at me," Bradley took your face out of your hands and kept your face into his hands until you looked at him. A little tear was visible and Bradley immediately got rid of it. "Rueben and Rebecca, actually Rebecca, talks about you a lot, with pictures sometimes. I really became intrigued by this cousin she always mentions. Then she mentioned that luckily now ex-douche and I just started to wish him away from you. And when I saw you for the first time in real life today, I felt something click. I regret it so much not coming with Rueben and Rebecca to punch the douche in the face, no one treats a girl like that. That was what I felt the first time I saw you, maybe with a couple of heart flutters. But you had a second question." Bradley was rambling, he knew it, but he had to get it out before you would say something.

"I, oh, wow, I need a second. Wait, you are genuinely interested in me? You don't even know me." You said while pointing at yourself. Bradley nodded in response. Every single feeling of sadness disappeared to make place again for the sparkly and shiny mood you had.

"Well maybe I feel like I know you, just through Rebecca. So if you give me a chance at least, to get to know each other, for real."

"Okay then, second question, where are your uniforms? Not that I mind the tux." A little smile appeared on your face as you felt some butterflies start to form in your belly.

"We changed after the ceremony, not to get into trouble with the Navy if we would get drunk or do something stupid. Not that I was planning on. Shit, I didn't mean it to come out like I was planning on doing any of that." Bradley hoped you weren't noticing his nervousness, he really didn't want to start off on the wrong foot. He still remembered when Rebecca and Rueben were talking about you, that you deserved to be loved and cherished. Bradley didn't know you yet, but after seeing you for the first time made him believe in love at first sight (let's forget for a moment he was interested in you when they were talking about you).

"It's okay, I get what you mean. So, since we're at the bar, can I get you something? My treat." You joked.

"Ooh, the lady is buying, a beer is fine."

"A beer and a red wine please."

After getting your drinks Bradley walked you to a calmer spot outside. Rebecca noticed Bradley's subtle hand on your back and shot you wink and a thumbs up.

Finally away from the spying aunties and uncles, the obnoxious Jake but more importantly alone with Bradley, well kind of, some other couples were outside too. You thanked yourself for placing these romantically decorated benches outside, where Bradley and you sat down.

You and Bradley talked and talked and talked until your drinks were empty. You learned Bradley was just as domestic as you, you both still loved going out now and then. But a movie on the couch with a snack was on top of your favorite activities-list. Truth to be told, everything what your ex missed, you discovered in Bradley.

"So ... Shortcake." You tried again on the topic.

"Yes shortcake."

"Oh come on tell me!"

"Those big eyes, shortcake, you are really desperate to know. Well, if I must. So first of all, I really love shortcakes. My mom used to make them a lot. They are layered. And with every layer, it gets better and better. And the way my mom made them, they were cute, small cakes, kind of like you."

"Are you making fun of my height?" You asked trying to look serious, while you were melting on the inside for the teddy bear-looking hunk next you. Bradley's reaction immediately went from a lovesick sixteen year old to one filled with shock. Until you couldn't hold back your laughter anymore. "You are easy to mess with, I like the nickname, but only coming from you." You shuddered at the end of your sentence when a cold breeze came up.

"I'm such an idiot, you are cold, here take my jacket." It was way too big, but oh so warm and it smelled like Bradley. Were you suddenly feeling a little intoxicated from alcohol, or was is because of Bradley's scent? You had a couple of wines spread over the evening, but it was his scent that withdrew you from reality. The heavenly mixture of wood and that hint of citrus guided it's way through your nostrils straight to your brain. It made you feel like you were on this fluffy cloud you never wanted to leave. Without noticing it, you moved the jacket closer to your nose, loving the scent a little too much.

"That cold?" Bradley asked, not noticing you were basically sniffing his jacket.

"Oh, sorry, it, uh, feels good and warm." And smells like you... You smiled awkwardly.

Bradley stood up and took your hand in his. "Well, I know other ways to get warmer."

Did he just suggest you two... "Uh"

"Come on, let's dance!" Let's say the intoxication on Bradley's scent was making your mind wander off to other ways to heat up.

Once inside, you kept Bradley's jacket on, just letting the competition know he is interested in you. A little insurance never hurt.

Your bodies stayed close while dancing, leaving just enough space for Bradley to show off his moves.

Until that typical cinematographic scene, a body collided in your back, so you got smashed into Bradley's strong arms. His eyes worriedly glued to yours. But his arms around you was what made loose contact with reality for a moment. His lips were moving and a sound was coming from between his lips. But you were unable to hear it, some automatic reaction made you nod when his lips stopped moving.

The worried expression changed into something sweet, his brows lowered again and this spark reappeared in his eyes. Were you melting? Like for real, were you like a chocolate statue that starts to get liquid when warmed up? You already started to feel some drops forming. Was this it? The end?

"- I am a grandpa." You got snapped out of your trance. You were not melting, everything was okay. Wait what?!

"Huh?"

"Shortcake, did I really needed to say something weird to get you back to earth?"

Awkward! This voice in your head was screaming and laughing, but so were you, and Bradley too. Without thinking you hid your head in his chest, still being locked in his arms.

"Oh my god! Sorry." You immediately withdrew your head and tried to look in his eyes.

"You're a cute one, you know that? Please, tell me you are always like this?"

"Unfortunately for me, yes." You said to yourself while facepalming yourself mentally, again.

After talking somewhat more in a quieter corner, discovering you were both staying in the same hotel, the fatigue of it being 5 am already started to get the better of you.

"Not only are you just a cute one, your yawn is cute too. Tired too?"

You nodded. "Yeah, if you don't mind, I am going to call it a night or day already."

"Me too, plus, I think the others have also left already. Would you mind if I walk you back to the hotel? You know, since it is the same one." Bradley was cursing himself for being this awkward around you.

"Lead the way." You snuck your arm in the small hole Bradley left for your arm. It was a nice feeling you both had on the way back.

"So, this is me, thank you walking me. It was really nice meeting you."

"Yeah same, so uhm," Bradley moved closer to you, with his eyes locked with yours. "I hope I have been en reading this right." He kept on moving closer. His face was now extremely close to yours as you felt your beating rapidly. And what you hoped for happened. You felt Bradley's lips on yours. Immediately you felt the butterflies awaken again in your tummy from earlier when the two of you were talking.

"Shit" Bradley suddenly pulled away from the kiss, "sorry, I was going to wait till I asked you out on a date." Your expression went from horror to relief in not even a second from the moment Bradley explained his little shock. Was he even real? Gentlemen still do exist.

"Oh Bradley, if you noticed, I kissed back. Maybe I was secretly hoping for it." You smiled a little bit shyly at him.

"Thank God, but ... an official first date, does that still sound appealing to you?" Was this fighter pilot, who you always thought to be though and cool, being nervous? (You hadn't noticed the other occasions earlier the evening, being to busy melting for him)

"Since we kissed on our unofficial first date, let's forget about the alcohol that encouraged us, I look forward going out on a real date."

You exchanged numbers and bid goodnight with a last kiss on the lips.

Knock knock. Knock knock.

Probably a drunk jokester you thought. You tiredly made your way to the door.

"Oh, Bradley hi." Bang, in a second you went from zombie-mode to fully awake, adrenaline running through your veins. Noticing your attire, you tried to cover up your pj's.

Bradley was standing awkwardly with his right hand resting on top of his head in front of you.

"Hi, uh, weird question. Okay, wait, before I ask, I really planned to use a different timeline. I swear. But, can I sleep here in your room? Jake, I was stupid enough to share a room with him, he, uh, has someone over."

"Oh. Yes, of course." You kept on staring at Bradley. In contrast to the party, his tie now in his hands, a couple of the top buttons opened. He was incredibly hot in his uniform, but damn, looking like that? Extremely sinful.

"Then, can I come in?"

"Oh my god, sorry. Yes" You quickly made your way back to the bed, still realizing you were just wearing pj's, trying to hide underneath the blankets.

"I"ll take the couch."

**

Shuffle ... ten seconds later, shuffle another ten seconds later, shuffle. And that went on for a couple minutes.

"Enough Bradley. Neither of us is going to sleep if you keep wiggling like a worm on the couch. Hop in the bed, you're clearly too big for that couch."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"I sleep in my boxers, so, still sure shortcake?"

"Yes, still sure, so hop in. At least, if you can behave."

Bradley didn't need to get told twice. He slipped out of the trousers and shirt of his tux and quickly joined you in the bed. The temperature under the sheets immediately went up. It was unexpectedly comfortable with him next to you.

"Goodnight Bradley."

"Goodnight shortcake." Bradley planted a little kiss on top of your head. "Oh, and I will behave, my mama thought me to treat ladies right, we are going a date first." Maybe he didn't mind he couldn't sleep in his room tonight, he'll thank Jake later for that. Now he is going to enjoy having you close to him.

It didn't take long before the two of you dozed off to a good sleep. During the night your bodies shifted closer to each other, with eventually Bradley's arm wrapped around you.

This was the start of something beautiful, with the credits going to Rebecca and Rueben and of course Jake for sending Bradley to your room.

END

Taglist: @cycbaby @mrsjaderogers @mavrellover91 @bradleybeachbabe @iamdannyday @rhirhikingston @luckyladycreator2 @xoxabs88xox @angelbabyange @mak-32 @jstarr86

Tagform

#bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw x you #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw fanfic #rooster #rooster x you #rooster x reader #rooster imagine #bradley bradshaw fic #bradley bradshaw x you #bradley bradsaw x reader #bradley bradshaw fluff #rooster fluff #top gun maverick #top gun fanfic #rooster fanfic

[thinkin-bout-milgram]

Double: Initial Thoughts

Hello Milgram community! It's time to talk about Mikoto's second MV, Double! This is pretty fun for me, given that Mikoto is actually the first prisoner whose MV I watched when it came out. I have gotten so much better at theorizing. The old theory is... meh. Ignore it, it was wrong and doesn't really matter.

Though, to be honest, and I think people will agree here -- I don't feel like Double actually gave us much to work with. The biggest thing is the confirmation (in my opinion) that there for sure only are two alters, which makes things easier to figure out, not harder. Because of this, these initial thoughts might be a bit less interesting than normal. Still, I'll do my best!

T/W: Murder, toxic work environments, mental health crises, blood

For the sake of this theory, I'll be using @onigiriico's English translation of Mikoto's new audio drama, Neoplasm! Thanks as always for your great work! I'd also like to thank everyone who sent in help with the translations! I'll be using Rochisama's (@barudo's) translation post, which translates all of the Japanese background text in the MV.

Also, as you'll see in the audio drama, Es takes to calling Orekoto John and Bokuto Mikoto. I... will not be doing that. They're called Bokuto and Orekoto to me based on the personal pronouns they use.

Disclaimer: I'm for sure not an expert on DID, so if I say anything wrong/offensive please let me know so I can correct it!

Anyways though, here's what thoughts I do have!

Orekoto's alter developed as a result of stress in Bokuto's life.

This is pretty much straight-up confirmed in the audio drama.

Orekoto: … I think… I might be the person Boku wishes he was. The person who stubbornly stands his ground, who doesn’t cry himself to sleep from stress, who gives people their payback. If I, the “ore” personality, hadn’t been born, I’m sure Boku would have reached his limit and fallen apart.

Based on this, we know that there's some general stressor going on in Bokuto's life, and we know that Orekoto seems like the new alter who developed for the sake of protecting Bokuto. I believe that's what's pictured at the beginning of the MV:

The glass breaking is most likely meant to display the "fracturing" of Mikoto's identity, signifying the creation of the Orekoto alter.

The most obvious stressor in Bokuto's life seems to be work. At the beginning of the MV (0:12-0:18), we see Mikoto's phone with text messages. The text translates as follows:

Chief (7 mins ago) Regarding the first draft you submitted today, I think option B might be the best after all, so can you remake by the morning.

Chief (5 mins ago) Also I forgot to mention, but you also made a lot of mistakes with the one we spoke about earlier, so make sure it’s all fixed too. This one also needs to be ready by morning, so I’ll leave it to you to get everything ready.

It seems like his "Chief," likely the boss of his job, is demanding a lot of work from him, and Bokuto is struggling to keep up with his work. On the whole, it seems like Bokuto is kinda just struggling to cope with living.

You’re overdoing it, you’re already broken

I was having such a hard time, I was trying so hard

That's what Orekoto comes into the picture.

Orekoto killed ??? people.

We don't know how many people he may have killed! The video is... pretty nonspecific about it. There are definitely multiple mannequins that he smashed, which for sure implies multiple.

Based on MeMe, I thought it was only one person, just because it seems like he only hid one body. Based on the new audio drama, I don't think he killed multiple different times, either.

Es: Who did you kill? Orekoto: Just someone who was walking around nearby. Es: … How many did you kill? Orekoto: Can’t remember. I was first born back then, you know. It’s kinda fuzzy.

If the murder happened right around when he was "first born," it would make sense if it's only the one time, right? It's possible that this is meant to refer to a broader time frame and I'm taking "first" too literally here, but I still think it's a definite possibility that he only killed one person.

It's gonna be hard to get a confirmation on that one, since it seems like Bokuto and Orekoto don't know the actual number. Still, we can look at the crime out of context of the body count and try to determine our forgiveness of that.

Neither Bokuto nor Orekoto are coping well with the guilty verdict.

Bokuto is, understandably, distressed. He's aware enough to realize that things have changed and that something must be happening while he's "sleeping," but he still seems to have no idea what's actually happening or who Orekoto is.

Notably, in both MeMe and Double, Bokuto is seen reacting to Orekoto in at least some ways. However, the way it's portrayed, I don't really think that's a lie or feigned innocence in any way. My best guess is that it's just using the visuals of what actually happened while showing Bokuto's distress with not knowing what's happening.

Either way, Bokuto was heading straight for a mental breakdown before accidentally committing ??? murders and getting told he's guilty for it by a weird mystery prison, so it's not surprising at all that he's faring poorly.

As Orekoto hypothesizes in the audio drama, the amount of stress Bokuto is under is actually why we've seen Orekoto fronting so much more now. Orekoto exists to help Bokuto escape from the stress of his day to day life, and given that Milgram has become extremely stressful, Orekoto fronts a lot.

Orekoto isn't doing super well either, though, likely as a result of the toll everything is taking on Bokuto. He exists and did what he did solely to protect Bokuto, so the fact that it's causing Bokuto stress and potentially endangering him definitely isn't something he'd be happy about. The MV focuses on this pretty heavily at the end.

The audio drama tells us that Orekoto is perfectly willing to own up to his guilt and take the blame for what he did. He's very clear about Bokuto not having done anything, though, and insists he has no idea what was going on. He was only dreaming.

I have no idea how the end of MeMe plays into this video.

I interpreted Orekoto handing Bokuto the death card as a moment where Orekoto shows Bokuto his existence and letting him know about the murders, but like I said, I don't really believe Bokuto knows anymore. If that's the case, though, I have NO clue what that scene was supposed to mean. I can't really figure out how to piece Double and MeMe together, and based on how little I feel like I got out of Double, it concerns me to just disregard MeMe-based theories entirely.

That being said...

VERDICT: INNOCENT

Please vote him innocent. For pretty much any reason I can think of, an innocent verdict is better.

Orekoto is right when he says that Milgram clearly instructs us to judge Bokuto specifically; Orekoto isn't a prisoner in regards to restraints or rules, but Bokuto is. If you're judging based on forgiveness, if Bokuto truly didn't know, it's hard not to forgive him, even if he arguably shares guilt.

Mikoto in general is probably more likely to have a further mental breakdown if we keep applying pressure with a guilty verdict, which in turn makes him more likely to lash out in stress again and kill another prisoner. We can't restrain Orekoto, who would likely continue fronting in the face of a guilty verdict, and we already know that his high-stress coping mechanism is killing whoever walks by. It's the safer option to vote innocent.

And then there's the fact that I just, like... want to help him? Genuinely forgive him? I don't want to vote Mikoto guilty. There's no point, and I just disagree with it. I'm pretty firmly in the innocent camp on this one, and based on the votes, it seems like a lot of people agree.

#milgram #ミルグラム #admin venus #mikoto kayano #theory #milgram theory #this is kinda short and doesn't have a lot of insight #my bad but also i got nothing #i'll try to figure out how meme and double connect at some point #saturn and i are also planning on going through a bunch of the hard to read text and making a post about what it says/what we think it says #hopefully soon #lmk what you think #anyways mikoto inno sweep

[planetsandstarsandstuff]

Thoughts on Chiron in synastry?

I actually just read the book 'Chiron in Love: The Astrology of Envy, Rage, Compassion and Wisdom' (2023) by Liz Greene, and I would really recommend it to anyone who wants to do a deep dive on Chiron in synastry! The book is based on a seminar she originally gave in 2005 and it goes over, 'the nature of Chiron', 'Chiron in synastry', 'Chiron in the family,' and 'Chiron in the composite chart'. I don't think I could possibly explain anything from this book better than Liz Greene herself, so the majority of this post will be made up of excerpts (some of the quotes are very long so bear with me). And unfortunately there's a word limit on tumblr so I'll have to split this into multiple posts. This post will be focusing on Chiron alone, and the next post will delve into Chiron in synastry.

In order to understand Chiron in synastry, it's important to first develop a clear understanding of Chiron itself. In her book, Liz Greene begins by giving some background to the myth of Chiron, "The story that astrologers tend to relate to Chiron is his wounding by Herakles' poisoned arrow. But the way it's usually presented today in [astrological] circles is significantly different from older versions of the story. According to the updated version, Chiron is wounded and then becomes a healer because he has experienced deep suffering and develops compassion. I'm not suggesting that this idea is 'untrue', as it's a powerful theme connected with the emergence of genuine empathy and the capacity to turn one's suffering into a creative tool to relate to and alleviate others' pain. Chiron is a potent image of the healer who has acquired wisdom through personal pain. This version of Chiron has learned how to heal others because he has been wounded, and he reflects the process by which life's damage can enhance consciousness and put us on a path connecting us with [deeper] realities. The fact that Chiron can't heal himself is a necessary part of the story. If we could fully heal our own wounds, we might [lose] our compassion for others who are suffering. It's only the ongoing recognition of our frailty and damage that allows the continuance of empathy. There is profound truth in this interpretation. The only problem is that the idea of healing gifts emerging as a product of wounding is not what the myth of Chiron as it has come down to us from antiquity actually tells us. There are [many] sources for myths, and they inevitably mutate over time according to changing cultural contexts...I'm not suggesting that only the earliest rendition of a mythic story is the 'right' one. Myths are living entities and, because they are symbolic, many meanings may be simultaneously 'right', and different readings of a story may be especially applicable at different epochs of history. But when we're seeking astrological insights, it's always worth looking at versions of the story different to the ones we're most attached to, because they can offer us a new perspective on the pattern." (Greene, pp. 28-31)

She goes on to describe the original myth of Chiron, "Whatever version of the story we consider, the most striking difference between the one given in ancient sources and the one told in contemporary astrological circles is that in earlier sources, Chiron doesn't become a healer because he's wounded. He's already a healer, and his wounding not only puts an end to his career but also results in the relinquishing of his immortality. There seems to be agreement about the fact that the wounding occurs accidentally through the agency of Herakles; the [superhero] of Greek myth who is given 12 Labours to perform as a penance for the inadvertent murder of his wife and children, and manages [to complete all of them]. Herakles had just finished the second of his 12 Labours; the fight with the Lernaen Hydra, a poisonous snakelike monster with nine self-regenerating heads. All the hero's spent arrows were covered in the Hydra's deadly blood. After he put the arrows back in their quiver, he set off to visit his friend Pholos, the wisest and most benign of the wild centaurs. Pholos had a sealed jar of wine hidden in his cave which he had vowed to never touch because he knew that wine could drive centaurs mad. Pholos [was] determined to be civilised and loyal to his vow. Despite Herakles' insistence, he refused to open the jar of wine. But Herakles, being somewhat pushy, finally bullied Pholos into opening the wine. The other centaurs [caught a whiff of it]. They went mad from the mere scent of it, seized the jar, and started drinking. They began to tear up trees and smash boulders and hurl rocks, shooting arrows at each other and also at Herakles. Chiron, their King, rushed out of his own cave to stop the madness, because these were his people and he was responsible for them. Herakles meanwhile was pulling arrows out of his quiver and shooting them in every direction, killing many of the centaurs. In the midst of [this chaos], an arrow passed through the arm of one of the centaurs and accidentally struck Chiron. The arrow lodged in Chiron's hip, knee, foot/hoof (depending on which myth you read), all three of which belong to the horse part of him. Because the arrow was coated in the Hydra's [poisonous] blood, the wound it inflicted couldn't be healed. Chiron rushed back into his cave howling in agony. No matter what remedy he tried, his skills couldn't heal the injury. Because he was immortal, he couldn't die the way the other centaurs did. His situation was impossible and tragic. He couldn't function because of his agony, so he lay in his cave screaming in pain. Then a divine intervention occurred. The Titan Prometheus, who had offended Zeus by stealing the god's fire to give to humans, had been punished by being chained to a rock in the Caucasus mountains, where Zeus's eagle visited every day to devour Prometheus' liver. But this torture didn't quite kill the Titan because every night the liver miraculously regenerated and heralded another day of agony. Zeus, displaying his most spiteful face, decreed that this misery had to go on until some divine being was willing to surrender the gift of immortality to Prometheus. There had been no volunteers. Herakles, who felt guilty because Chiron was his friend, said to his father Zeus, 'I know someone who might be willing to do it.' Thus Chiron relinquished his immortality to take the place of Prometheus in the underworld, freeing the Titan from suffering and at the same time freeing himself from his own pain. Before his wounding, Chiron was already a healer and teacher, good and wise, gifted and kind. But through no fault of his own, he is caught in the [crossfire]. He blunders into the middle of the conflict to stop it, but [is not successful]. He can do nothing to heal himself despite all his wisdom and all his arts, because the Hydra's poison is an eternal poison." (Greene, pp. 31-34)

In this myth Chiron is faced with an impossible situation, one that he isn't personally responsible for, "Chiron can't keep his immortality without eternal misery and wretchedness and the loss of his purpose in the world. He can't remain a god. He isn't to blame, and his blamelessness seems to be one of the major themes of the astrological Chiron." (Greene, p. 35) In our natal chart, Chiron points to an area of life where we feel unfairly and irrevocably wounded, and perpetually unable to soothe the pain of this wound. It's where we feel we are "a victim of life" as Liz Greene puts it, being arbitrarily subjected to pain and suffering by something much larger than ourselves, something completely outside of our control and beyond our capabilities as individuals.

She continues, saying, "It's only when Chiron is ready to relinquish his immortality that he is granted release from his suffering. This is a disturbing denoument, and it's understandable that is has been reinterpreted so that Chiron's wounding results in compassion and healing gifts. But I think it's important to explore the myth in its original form as well as acknowledging the value of the latter version, rather than trying to convince ourselves that there will always be a happy ending to this story...The myth tells us that Chiron's wound can never be cured. But perhaps we can try to transform our way of responding to it and turn it into something more [creative and life-affirming]. That effort might itself constitute healing." (Greene, pp. 35-41) She then discusses what it might mean to 'relinquish immortality', "Audience: I think the relinquishment of immortality means a kind of humility in life, and an acceptance of your own death. Liz: Yes, I agree. The sacrifice suggests an acceptance of life's imperfections, the limits of our power as individuals, and our inevitable mortality..." (Greene, p. 47) There may be no 'cure' to Chiron's wound, but through adjusting our perception and reaction to this wound, and through profound acceptance, we can slowly begin to heal.

I'll end this post with an analogy from the book that relates to viewing life circumstances through different lenses, or rather through the lens of different planets, I think it's helpful in demonstrating how Chiron actually feels in a chart. Greene says, "Think about your last trip to the dentist. If you view the experience through Saturn's lens, it's an uncomfortable but necessary part of keeping your body healthy. It's unpleasant but you put up with it stoically and leave the dental surgery quite pleased because you've discharged your duty to your oral hygiene for another year. And if you have to lose a tooth or be fitted with a denture, well, that's just the hard reality of life. Viewed through Venus' lens, the important issue is having a beautiful smile, and it's worth putting up with just about anything and paying any amount of money to achieve it. And it's even more rewarding if you fancy the dentist. But viewed through Chiron's lens, it's a terrifying experience because of the expectation of suffering. You'll put off the visit for as long as possible, and the delay may worsen the condition of your teeth. The hygienist becomes a sociopathic sadist and the dentist transforms into the slasher from A Nightmare on Elm Street. If you must have a tooth extracted, it confirms your conviction that life is brutally unfair, because surely they could have saved the tooth had they cared about you enough or if you could have afforded a top-quality private dental clinic. You leave the dental surgery feeling as though you're suffering from PTSD because it was so traumatic. We can bring many different archetypal perceptions to our experience of injury. When we bring Chiron's perception to it, the experience carries all of the connotations of Chiron's myth." (Greene, p. 68)

In the next post, we'll place all of this into the context of synastry.

Greene, L. (2023) Chiron In Love: The Astrology of Envy, Rage, Compassion and Wisdom. Swanage: The Wessex Astrologer Ltd.

#astrology #astro community #astro notes #birth chart #chiron #greek mythology

[silentreigns]

Thoughts and opinions on that F1 Nation podcast that just dropped

I listen to f1 official podcasts pretty often and I was intrigued by what Christian Horner had to say about the latest news so here we go. The timestamps are from 14:55 - 28:00 if you're trying to listen on Spotify. I only screenrecorded a small section that stood out to me.

Christian Horner did not say Yuki's name ONCE. And I have a problem with that. And this implies a couple of things: Yuki isn't even considered in RedBull's long term plans. Like Christian explicitly said that this AlphaTauri run is a test to see if Daniel would be ready in 2025.

They talked about how the discussions for the 3rd redbull driver thing came up in Mexico 2022. And I have already discussed how I feel about that GP on other posts. I just found it funny I that I made long posts about it, not thinking it will be brought up by official F1 media today.

If Horner had reservations about Nyck de Vries, why was he allowed allowed in the AlphaTauri seat? Because Helmut Marko is an idiot who can't think about the long term plans. I feel like he just does shit on impulse and if his unreasonably high expectations aren't met, he sacks drivers in the most unprofessional manner.

Helmut Marko you suck at your job and you should retire with all these poor driver showings that have happened under your supervision

Christian Horner also didn't say anything along the lines of "best wishes for Nyck de Vries for his future endeavors" maybe WWE spoiled me too much but I would expect someone in a high position of power from a notable company to make some kind of statement like it.

I don't think RedBull have even considered the possibility of Checo bouncing back. They mention supporting him but I don't feel like those words are genuine. Like he's not even in RedBull's future plans past 2024. What if bro doesn't even want to retire and still wants to be on the grid? I guess that doesn't matter... people have already decided that he's getting the chop with everyone making guesses on the 2nd seat in 2025.

Horner says that Daniel's 7th lap would have put him in the front row for Silverstone's quali. But I read online that he set a laptime of 1:27.415, which would have put him in front of Alex Albon in p8. I do know that he was testing harder compounds during the tests because Pirelli want to ban tire warmers (and I can do another rant about the new tire regulations that might be coming in). But I am still confused, was that variable factored in by Horner's statement?

I rolled my eyes so hard at this part like uhhhhhhh if you say so girl. It's hard to believe this given the team's history. These words are kind of empty because they feed drivers who are struggling to adapt with the car to the wolves (the media).

RedBull will hyperfocus on the results produced from here to Abu Dhabi. Yuki outperforming the McLarens in the earlier races (this is an example) will mean ~nothing~. If I were them, I would give Yuki a run in the RedBull to really gauge where he's at compared to Daniel.

What is the plan if Yuki and Daniel go 6-6 in head to head competition? My guess is that it will be good enough for them to really consider Daniel for that 2025 seat. They are really pushing for him. Just look at how much media coverage this is getting.

#f1 #formula 1 #christian horner #yuki tsunoda #daniel ricciardo #nyck de vries #sergio perez #checo perez

[throwawaydracula]

Some Thoughts on Mrs. Westenra

So, she's dead now.  And let's be frank, from a purely functional literary standpoint, her main purpose was to serve as an obstacle for the protagonists to overcome.  The fact that everybody-- including poor Lucy-- had to walk on eggshells lest they tax too much Mrs. Westenra's heart was a pretty handy setup to maintain a sense of drama and to oblige our heroes not to face problems head-on.  Her removal of the garlic caused a reversal of fortune that imperiled Lucy once, and now twice.  In some ways she’s just short of being a Diabolus ex Machina.

Lots of people hate her.  This includes my own septuagenarian mum, who I called up specially in preparation for writing this post, because I wanted her opinion particularly given who Mrs. Westenra was.  Mrs. Westenra could be taken as another stock character—The Stupid (or more gently but no less contemptuously) Silly Old Woman.  It’s an archetype that shows up with odd regularity; it’s especially common in the Regency and Victorian and Edwardian stuff I’ve read, but she shows up today, too.  Oftentimes she ends up being a repository for all those qualities that have been deemed ‘feminine weaknesses’, even in works that are otherwise female-friendly or actively feminist.  Something I thought about mentioning in an earlier post, but cut because it seemed too much a digression, is that for some reason misogyny seems to become more palatable to a lot of people when it’s combined with ageism.

It would be easy to assume Stoker was in that camp, too.  Make no mistake, the man was not what we would call a progressive today, nor even what we’d call a progressive in the 1890s—but he doesn’t seem to have been a diehard reactionary, either.  Believe me, you’d be able to tell.  Add to this the fact that the Whitman letter and his visit to a post-Exile Oscar Wilde confirm that his private opinions didn’t always match up with what he said publicly, either, and you end up with… well, a lot of possibilities for interpreting what Stoker might have meant at any given point.  Of course, what an author “means” is not the be-all and end-all—no-one is perfectly awake to their own presuppositions and unconscious biases, no-one can be aware of all the possible implications of anything they communicate.  But I am going to be working under the assumption that Stoker felt a little of Van Helsing’s sympathy for Mrs. Westenra, or that he could at least comprehend such sympathy as legitimate rather than simply the result of extreme softheartedness.

First, consider that Mrs. Westenra did not have any of the information we have, or that the other characters have.  She knew her daughter is ill, but she had no idea how ill.  Lucy is apparently very good at acting even when she feels absolutely terrible.  As far as Mrs. Westenra knew, Lucy’s chronic illness was more of an inconvenience than anything.  Yes, she knew a foreign expert was getting involved, but for all she knew that was just a personal favor—Jack being extra nice and considerate, and his mentor being very gracious.  Nobody told her otherwise.  She did realize Lucy was sick enough to warrant a doctor, but not that she had—before the flower episode—needed two freaking blood transfusions.  So she was not on high alert, because everyone was afraid putting her on high alert would kill her.

Secondly: Mrs. Westenra was herself dying.  She was given mere months to live.  I can imagine that being, to put it lightly, somewhat distracting.  Seward at least seems to agree with me on that point, because here’s his interpretation of Mrs. Westenra’s mental state:

She was alarmed, but not nearly so much as I expected to find her. Nature in one of her beneficent moods has ordained that even death has some antidote to its own terrors. Here, in a case where any shock may prove fatal, matters are so ordered that, from some cause or other, the things not personal—even the terrible change in her daughter to whom she is so attached—do not seem to reach her. It is something like the way Dame Nature gathers round a foreign body an envelope of some insensitive tissue which can protect from evil that which it would otherwise harm by contact. If this be an ordered selfishness, then we should pause before we condemn any one for the vice of egoism, for there may be deeper root for its causes than we have knowledge of.

Note, please, the lack of judgement here.  This is important because the Victorians were very judgey people (about as judgey as we Tumblrians).  Basically Mrs. Westenra was so caught up with the whole “you’re not going to live to see next year” thing that most of her thoughts were turning inward.  And as Seward muses, that’s not only understandable, it’s kind of beneficial—she’s less susceptible to shock because of it.  He directly compared the psychological state to a biological process, seeing it as natural and purposeful. Unfortunately, although it kept her alive longer than it might have, it also kept her from being as observant or reflective as she otherwise might have been.

Removing the garlic flowers from Lucy’s room could be seen as a sort of side effect of this.  Mrs.  Westenra wanted to be able to do something for Lucy before she died. She wasn't even sure she'd see her only child marry.  She wanted to be part of her daughter’s life in a positive way while she could, but wasn't really in a frame of mind conducive to thinking beyond the immediate.  Yes, she didn’t want to let Lucy sleep in her room, earlier, but as Lucy surmises that might have been because she didn’t want Lucy worrying about her.  Or—even more tragically given current circumstances—she might have been afraid that when Lucy woke up, it would be to Mrs. Westenra’s corpse.  Note that this last time, she still didn’t intend to stay the full night.

All that said: I do not think removing the garlic was excusable.  Yes, I am aware of miasma theory and that Mrs. Westenra’s concerns about the smell were understandable in that light.  However, by this point Mrs. Westenra was aware that two doctors, one of them a foreign expert, was seeing Lucy.  It would have behooved Mrs. Westenra to at least wait to ask the doctor if the removing the plants was all right, even if she had not assumed that the doctor had placed them there.  The very fact that someone had apparently gone to a lot of trouble putting all the garlic flowers there should have given her pause.  It’s really not a good idea to remove something apparently deliberately constructed if you don’t know why it’s there.  It was really quite officious of her to do that without asking, especially knowing both Seward and Van Helsing could be consulted.

At the same time, Van Helsing’s neglectfulness in telling Mrs. Westenra what the flowers were for is also not excusable.  No, ‘not wanting to worry Mrs. Westenra because of her heart condition’ is not sufficient.  Seward and Van Helsing still could have downplayed the seriousness of Lucy’s condition while explaining the garlic flowers did have medicinal value.  Van Helsing himself is the only one at this point who understands what the garlic is really for; he has Seward’s trust, but Seward is his student. Seward has had a long time to develop implicit trust in Van Helsing, but Mrs. Westenra has not.  It was really quite officious of him to assume he didn't need to give even a token explanation to Lucy’s own mother. He managed to explain things to her in the wake of the disaster just fine.

Note, please, I’m not looking for someone to pillory here.  We don’t need to single someone out for fault, we don’t have to point out the guilty party and chant ‘shame, shame, shame’.  People make mistakes with tragic results all the time, and I personally think a need to assign blame is counterproductive in many instances. Sometimes it's better to just try to fix things.  Van Helsing certainly thought the same.

How much sympathy Stoker intended Mrs. Westenra to be read with is ambiguous to me.  Having both Seward and Van Helsing interpret her sympathetically doesn’t necessarily mean Stoker did.  That said, Victorian writers generally weren’t subtle when it came to pointing out who their audience ought to be seeing in a positive or negative light, and using characters as mouthpieces for that.  Stoker might have been using Mrs. Westenra as a device to cause problems for the heroes, but I’m not sure he conceived of her as someone his audience should outright hate.  She may well have been someone he pitied as much as anyone in the novel despite mostly using her to cause problems.  But again, who knows, really.  Plenty of books are written with an intent to ridicule, while the object of that ridicule comes across more sympathetically than the characters we’re supposed to root for.

I have come to the point where I feel more sorry for Mrs. Westenra than anything.  She was a dying woman who loved her daughter and tried to help her, even if she didn’t make the best decisions.  That said?  Even I admitted I would have found it kind of cathartic if Van Helsing privately started cussing her out a bit. Never said it was rational or justified, just that it would be cathartic.  My mum absolutely hates Mrs. Westenra because of what they have in common—she told me she hated her when she first read the book, and only dislikes her more now that she’s raised children to adulthood herself, and also taken care of her own mother in her old age.  On that note, my sister also hates Mrs. Westenra.  Haven’t talked to my dad about it but I reckon he’d probably hate her too.

And you know what?  It's OK that they hate her. It’s also OK that some people aren’t even slightly upset with her, it’s OK that they feel unmixed sympathy for her and disagree with me about the decisions she made.  It’s OK that people react differently to the same character.  There is no ‘correct’ emotional response.  If there’s anything I genuinely hate to see in some forms of literary criticism (or anywhere else) it’s the idea that there is one correct reaction to a complicated situation, especially in fiction. Dictating other peoples' feelings never ends well. It is a good thing that we have so many different perspectives on all this, and I'm glad to see people aren't afraid to disagree with each other.

#dracula daily #dracula daily meta #dracula spoilers #long post #cut for length

[beecastle]

Red Glimpses Ch. 2

In a world where soulmates are believed to be extinct, Reader has a podcast following her journey in trying to find her perfect match. Marcus loves listening to it because it gives him hope that one day he’ll find his…

Marcus Pike x F!Reader

Word count: 3.2k

Warnings: soulmate au, changing pov (Marcus/Reader), slow burn

A/N: Thanks to the wonderful @nothoughtsjustmeds for beta reading! And thanks to everyone for giving so much love to chapter 1, this adventure is just starting 😌❤️

MASTERLIST / SERIES MASTERLIST

.

The thief had done exactly as Rowand and Marcus expected him to. He led them straight to the buyer and to the warehouse they hoped all the missing artwork was in. Once there it had been only a matter of waiting for backup to go in. Numerous art pieces had been retrieved and were going to be rightfully returned to the museums they belonged in all over the world after being categorized. Marcus’ job is done. But for the first time since he became an FBI agent, he doesn’t feel as proud and happy with the accomplishment, and this is probably the biggest of his career. If anything he feels anxiety and frustration blooming in his chest, unlike anything he had ever felt before. 

He's assigned another case but there's no room for work in his mind, not when his soulmate is out there. Not when all he has been able to focus on since he last saw you were your eyes. Their color had become his favorite color, yet he couldn't find it anywhere but in his memory, in real life, the shades were never quite right.

“I’ll call you.”

He cringes at the memory. He is an FBI agent for god’s sake, he was trained to think under pressure. He should have asked for your name or given you his. Anything to help him find you. But looking at you and at the glimpses of red wrapped around your finger, his mind had gone blank. He reaches for his pocket to take out his phone but his hand bumps into something else and takes out your phone.

Your phone.

He completely forgot he had kept it. He sends a silent prayer to anyone who is listening before trying to turn it on, to no avail. 

He takes a deep breath. This is no time to feel overwhelmed, he needs to think of solutions. And for that he has to be rational, emotions kept at bay. 

The conclusion he reaches is that he could use some help. So he takes the phone downstairs to Lexa, the woman who is in charge of techs hoping she can work some magic in it and bring it back to life.

Lexa starts examining the phone as Marcus recounts the story of what happened to it. She doesn't seem to believe him but nods along anyway. “I may be able to fix it but it’s going to take a while, Pike.”

A glimmer of hope. 

His heart leaps at the now real possibility of seeing you again.

“That’s okay, thank you.” Marcus turns around and starts walking away from the office when his coworker calls behind him. 

“You’re buying lunch once I fix it.”

.

He sits down at his desk, fidgeting with a pencil and wondering if he could pull some strings and get video from security cameras nearby, or perhaps get the sketch artist to draw you and search the image on the FBI database, which hopefully you’re not in, but he’s running out of ideas. There's so much he could do but with it not being a real case he would need to ask for permission to use the FBI's resources on it. A tenth of the budget had been slashed last year, and as a result of that, the way each agent spent money and resources had to be closely monitored. 

His mother's words echo in his mind. 

It has become impossible for people to find their soulmates . 

Maybe his mom is right. Maybe he's putting too much mental energy into this. He doesn't even know if what he saw was a trick of the morning light. It could have been anything, it would make sense for it to be anything else but the red string. 

Still, he needs to talk to you and discover the truth, and for that, he needs to find you. He turns on his computer ready to do some research when a notification from earlier today of a new Red String podcast pops up. There isn’t supposed to be a new episode today, it’s three days too early. Curiosity gets the better of him and he clicks on it, only to be redirected to a page that says “Sorry this does not exist.” The most likely reason for this is someone made an error and uploaded the podcast on the wrong day and upon noticing their mistake it was deleted. 

But perhaps someone managed to download it before it was deleted, out of all days, today he needs your optimism about soulmates. So he searches the web.

To say he’s shocked by the numerous articles that pop up would be an understatement. As he opens Twitter he notices it’s trending, and everyone is tweeting either the news or their reaction to the news. The whole internet is talking about one thing and one thing only: Red found her soulmate.

Apparently, she had told the news during a live podcast that had since been deleted from all official platforms. However, when it comes to the internet once something is uploaded, it will remain there forever. All it takes for Marcus is a simple search and results start popping up left and right. 

PR stunt or real soulmates?

Red needs our help!

Is she stringing us along? Red says she’s found the One!

You’ll never believe who Red’s soulmate is… Click the link to see the pic!

The Red String search is over 

There are hundreds of reuploads of the original podcast, and he clicks on the first result, his attention dragged away by the drama. Red’s familiar voice comes through the speakers, but it sounds different this time, speaking fast as if she fears someone would stop her at any moment. She starts by saying that she couldn’t get his name and asks for the listeners’ help to locate him.

She met her soulmate today and so did he. Perhaps there was something special to this summer’s day. 

As Red recounts the story, the podcast is relegated to the background as Marcus turns to his own search for answers. It’s not until she mentions the spilled iced coffee that he stops typing and turns his full attention to Red. He rewinds to the beginning and a shiver goes through him as she recounts the meeting. THEIR meeting. 

Red saw the glimpses of red too.

Red is you .

Before you finish the story, Marcus’s already jumping into the DMs of every single social platform you’re in. He writes and rewrites a message until he’s left with a perfect retelling of the meeting, with details only he would be privy to. 

He rubs his face with his hands, while he feels the beating of his racing heart in every part of his body. He hopes this is enough. He needs this to be enough.

He sends it and waits for a response.

/

/

/

How naive of you to think this would be like the fairytales you were told as a child. There is no happily ever after that comes as easy in real life as it does in stories. If this was a fictional tale, your soulmate would send you a DM and the whole process would be magical. In real life, there were thousands of DMs flooding all your social media. People claiming to be him, others asking for advice on how to find their soulmates, and some calling this entire thing bullshit. There was no way you could get through all of them, not alone.

Your phone rings. Camila has been insistently calling for the last ten minutes but you don’t answer. You know what she is going to say and you don’t care to hear it. Your phone is put on silent as you lay on your bed trying to find a solution for the mess you now find yourself in. Perhaps you could ask some friends to help you go through the messages? But that would mean revealing that you're Red, and you're not sure that's something you're ready for.

After about fifteen minutes of thinking, your doorbell is ringing. Peeping through the cameras you find Camila waiting outside, her arms crossed and looking like she came in a rush, her hair disheveled and her clothes not matching like they usually would. You don’t want to open the door but how worse can this get? You open the door to be faced with a woman who is barely keeping her anger contained. Before you say anything she is already inside your house and pacing around your living room. 

“Why would you say that, Red?” she gives you a cold stare. “Do you know how many people will stop listening now that you told them you found your soulmate?” She lets herself fall on your couch with a heavy sigh. “Who are we kidding? The damage is done. All that's left is to go with this little fantasy of yours. We’ll figure something out and make this work in our favor.”

“It’s not an invention, Camila. It’s real. I finally met him.”

“So you say, honey, but do you really think soulmates can exist?” Her condescending tone makes anger bubble inside you. “It’s naive to think that." She shakes her head and laughs. "But I guess that exact naivety is what makes you charming. We’ll solve this, just let me handle this.”

You sit next to her, hands folded neatly in your lap to keep you from fidgeting. 

“He’s out there, Camila, and he’s looking for me.”

“How do you know that, darling?”

“Because I’m looking for him ." People in the past, including your grandma, used to say that once your connection with your soulmate increases you'll eventually be able to sense some of the emotions they're feeling. Whatever connection you have with your perfect stranger is extremely weak still, but you can feel some intense feelings from him. You're not able to pinpoint which ones but you know he's searching for you too. "And finding each other is what soulmates do.”

She stops dead in her tracks and it’s as though something changes because the next second she’s smiling. “Okay, darling, I have an idea, we’ll find this man.” The sudden emotional change unnerves you. But the rational part of you screams that this is exactly what you want, with Camila on your side, this will be a lot easier. “After all, your followers deserve to continue with you on this journey, don’t you think? They have been with you during the search, you are even asking for their help, you need to give them the ending. Show them that all of this was worth it.”

As much as you hate admitting that Camila is right, it makes sense. You do owe your listeners, they have been loyal for a long time, and they have the right to see how this ends. And you will give that to them but not right now. This is something that you want to be just yours and his at least for a little bit.

“Okay, you can help me but when I see him again it’s just going to be the two of us. Alone,” you remark before she has a chance to say anything else. “I’ll tell my followers about it in the next podcast, but I’m not sure I want to ever reveal my identity or his. If I did, the possibility of having a normal life would be gone forever.”

“Of course, darling, don’t worry,” she assures you. “Just tell me what he looks like, and any other details you remember and I’ll call you as soon as I know something.”

/

/

/

It’s early in the morning, the team is having a briefing on the latest art robbery that has happened in the city when Marcus’ phone rings. He takes it out of his pocket and upon seeing it’s an unknown number he excuses himself in order to go outside and answer it. His heart is doing somersaults in his chest at the possibility of you being on the other side of the line. He presses the green button and holding his breath he takes the phone to his ear. 

“Hello, is this Marcus Pike?” It’s not your voice.

“Yes,” he masks his disappointment with neutrality. “Who am I speaking with?”

“I’m Camila Burbano, Red’s agent.” At the mention of your name, he perks up. “I am calling to ask for details about the message you left on Miss Red’s Instagram. Can you tell me more about your meeting so I can confirm whether the details match with what she has told me?"

Although she cannot see it through the phone Marcus nods eagerly. He goes on to describe what you look like, the clothes you were wearing, and the type of phone you had. His job has trained him to have an eye for detail so he has an easy time recalling this information. 

Camila hums on the other side of the line. “Lastly, can you send a picture of yourself to this number so Miss Red is able to confirm if it’s you or not?”

He does as he is told. His fingers shaking and his heart going a thousand miles per hour at the possibility of meeting you again. “I’m sending your picture to her. Hold the line, please.” 

Marcus’ anxiety grows with each passing second. What if she says it isn’t him? What if he said something wrong about their meeting? Had she been wearing a turquoise or a green top? What if-  

“She says it’s you.” Camila's words stop his racing mind. A wide smile appears on his face, those cute dimples showing up

He found her. And she found him. They are going to have their happy ending. The wait would be worth it, love is going to win. 

“But before you meet her, there’s something else," Camila pauses briefly as if she doesn't want to deliver the following words, "she wants to live stream the meeting if that’s alright with you. I know it might be a bit too much… but Red wants to do it for her followers, so they don’t lose hope that one day they too can have your luck and find their perfect person.”

Marcus doesn’t need to be asked twice. “Of course, whatever she wants.”

“Great, I’ll send you some papers for you to sign just for legal reasons, and then I’ll text you the place and the time for your meeting.”

When the document arrives later that evening, he quickly scans over the words, something about filming your whole love story. If this is what Red wants he’ll sign it, whatever it takes to see her again. 

Once he sends back the papers, Camila texts him that he needs to be in the place where you first met, tomorrow, and that you'll meet him there. Additionally, they are going to be sending him some outfits that will match Red’s so you two will look amazing together. Marcus isn’t too sure about putting on such a show, he’d love nothing more than to meet you as you truly are and show you his authentic self. But he also knows that he’d move heaven and Earth for you. If you want to broadcast your meeting and you want it to look perfect, then he’ll do whatever he has to to make you happy. 

/

/

/

You’re meeting your soulmate today. 

Despite your initial wariness and distrust, Camila had come through and found him for you. Your soulmate is Marcus Pike, an FBI agent working in the Art Crimes division. 

You are so happy that you don’t even care when Camila comes in with outfits you’d never actually pick for yourself, arguing you had to look good. After all, you were gonna want to have pictures you could show your followers if you decided you wanted to show them your face. Her words make sense, so you change into one of the outfits, and at your agent’s insistence, you get your hair done by a professional. When it’s done you look in the mirror, the person staring back looks like you but isn’t quite you. Before you can overthink it any further Camila is behind you, her usual big smile plastered all over her face. 

“You look beautiful, darling, Marcus is one lucky guy.” She hugs you. Well, if you can count her approaching you and surrounding you with her arms without actually touching you a hug . “Now smile, because today is your big day.”

Camila offers to drive you there, and with you being a mix of nervousness and excitement, it seems wise to accept her offer. As you travel through the city, people continue to live their lives not knowing that the possibility of soulmates is about to come back after being gone for two decades. Your meeting with Marcus has the possibility to change not only your life but the whole world. There is a lot of pressure for this to go well.

Sweat has accumulated on your hands and you sneakily wipe it away on the side of your clothes. The song that the radio is playing says something about finding the one you’re looking for, very fitting. Camila parks in front of the coffee shop, and standing in front of it, looking at his watch, is Marcus. He’s dressed in a completely different style than the last time you saw him, perhaps this is how he dresses when he’s not working. There’s so much you can’t wait to find out about him. You feel a pull to him and as you exit the car you don’t stop to wonder if it’s something soulmate-related or your own excitement. 

The second his eyes spot you walking towards him, he gifts you the brightest and cutest smile. You can’t help but walk to him a little faster, and he mirrors your actions closing the space between you with swiftness. When you arrive in front of each other, not only can you see the red thread going from your finger to his, it’s definitely there this time, as if someone had tied a piece of yarn between you, but you can also feel its presence around your pinky finger, a slight tug that pulls you to him. He takes your hand in his and looks at it, tears filling his eyes.

“It’s real,” he whispers, and you nod pressing your forehead against his. You stay like that, listening to each other’s breathing for what feels both like a couple of seconds and an eternity at the same time. “I’m so glad I found you, Red.”

“Me, too.” 

As you open your eyes you notice a small mic clipped to his shirt and take half a step back, your hands still linked together. “What’s that?” you ask, trying to make sense of what is happening.

“It was Camila’s idea so everything is recorded just like you wanted.” A shadow settles on your face for a brief second as you process his words. But then a man who had been standing behind a car, approaches holding a camera and you carefully mask your expression with what you hope looks like a real smile. 

“Anything you want to say to the one million people who are watching live?” the man asks. Your mouth feels dry, you need to get some water. You look at Marcus who seems to sense your uneasiness, and squeezes your hand.

“We did it, we found him.”

#marcus pike #the mentalist #soulmate au #bee castle writing #pedro pascal

[twig-the-edgelord]

The Amputation Experiments

Tw: gore, eye gore

The amputation experiments were the shortest (only going through 3 rounds) experiments that happened to SCP 963. It had ended abruptly due to an incident caused by Dr. Jack Richard Clementine.

The purpose of these experiments was to see how would SCP 963 react if a host that had an amputation of some kind. Given the amulets nature, it was believed that Dr. Clementine would grow a new fully functional limb/organ.

The first of which went alright:

Image taken (01/06/——) 0205

The host was a D-Class (———-), an elderly female (68), who lost her arm due to ——infection. After he had entered his host, he stated that “it will take a while to get used to this.”

Imagine taken (05/06/——) 1300

The arm had started to heal and grow like predicted. Dr. Clementine is able to feel the whole length of the limb.

Dr. Clementine has complained about phantom limbs (in addition to his usual pains gifted from bonding), though not exactly pain. “It’s more… tingly then anything else.”

It should be noted that the limbs newest muscles are incredibly weak. This could be a possible set back to the future growth and could mean that growth could stop all together.

Imagine taken (07/06/——) 0743

Dr. Clementine has finally bonded to the host. The muscles grew back quickly, and the arm is fully recovered, however it isn’t able to move. Dr. Clementine can feel anything that happens to his right arm, but cannot lift it beneath the shoulder.

Other personal have tried to assist Dr. Clementine with trying to wake up this limb but any attempt haven’t gotten any results.

Dr. Clementine has been more jumpy throughout the course of this experiment but today it seems that the light anxiety became mid emotional distress and discomfort for the future ideas of these examinations. (Now most have new hypotheses.) He has stated that “It’s fine. I’ve been though worse.” …. “No, it’s just…. It’s just annoying! It’s just hanging there. Sometimes I feel like I’ve curled my finger, and I look down and it’s just- I just-“ He refused to talk further.

The second was worse

Image removed

The host was a D class (————-) middle aged male (42), uninjured other then a first degree burn on his torso.

Dr. Clementine seemed to be unenthusiastic about the round, but willingly agreed to continue with the experiment.

Image taken (17/06/——) 8037

Dr. Clementine has admitted to not have eaten earlier the past few days, which in this case might be better for him, as it was the day of the surgery. It’s important to do it in the early stages of bonding.[

] afterwards he complains of sharp pains. He was not awake. He was not awake.

Image removed

The leg appears to be healing normally, if not better then how his previous hosts arm healed. Though there is redness around the surgical scar, it doesn’t seem to be infected nor is it dangerous to his health.

Dr. Clementine reports that he felt nauseous, and anxiety ridden.

“God, you all suck.” It was clear that he was intoxicated when he said this, which didn’t seem to effect the healing nor the bonding with his host. He possibly later sent a death threat to Dr. Glass.

Imagine removed

The limb had nearly fully completely regrown, though it’s not hopeful that it will work, as it seems to be suffering from the same limpness the previous hosts arm had. Dr. Clementine has complained that the skin is burning near to where it was amputated.

Dr. Clementine was scheduled to visit SCP 590, but he canceled it stating: “I just don’t want to risk anything. After last week he needs a break.” Referring to incident——— in which SCP 682 breached contaminated.

There is talk about ending this round early.

Image removed

[ ]

Image taken (20/06/——)0039

The host was a D-class (——), a male in their early twenties (24), they lost their right eye due to an opponent wearing a ring in a fight. After Dr. Clementine entered the host, he seemed uncomfortable and finicky. “Think a marble would work to replace it?”

Image removed

The eye isn’t growing correctly. It seems to be infected. He states that he cannot see out of it. “It’s just kinda dark and… I can see the lights and stuff…”

It should be noted that he looks slightly dishevelled, though that could be because of the host change.

Imagine taken (27/06——) 0535

The eye didn’t regrow as expected. It’s incredibly red, and the pupil doesn’t dilate, nor does it move, even if it’s being touched at. “It burns pretty bad. If I go on to not blink for a bit, it gets worse.”

He has started wearing an eye patch so other personal won’t get infected in case his eye is contagious.

Image removed Image removed Image removed

The experiments had to be ended on (27/06/——) 1300.

Dr. Clementine had entered his office at 1054. He had gotten a calligraphy pen and proceeded to stab out his eye. Taking it out chunk by chunk.

He was found around 1145, apparently sitting in his desk chair, doing paperwork, while holding his eye socket with a paper towel. He was allegedly muttering about maggots.

Dr. Clementine is currently in the medical wing and will most likely lose his host privileges for the next little while. Though there is discussion on what will happen to him, the amputation experiments have been suspended.

#I know I suck at writing but hey I tried #tw eye gore #tw gore #I’m sorry I’m cringey #I wonder why so much infos taken out #jack clementine #dr jack clementine #dr clementine #scp 963

[canmom]

Animation Night 160: Calarts student films, 2023

Good evening friends! Today is a crazy busy day so the introduction will be very minimal (I'm writing this on my phone on a train lol), but I still wanna run Animation Night, so here's the plan.

First up though! In a week's time I'm going to the Annecy International Animated Film Festival, which takes place in the town of Annecy, next to Annecy Lake, in the southeast of France near the Swiss border. Two years ago, during the height of the pandemic, Annecy ran a partly-online version of the film festival and I had a great time watching all their short films; now I've finally been able to save up enough to go for real! It's crazy exciting and a little scary, I haven't been to anything even resembling a film festival since the nine worlds convention nearly a decade ago now ^^'

So, I don't know whether it will be practical to run Animation Night from my hotel, it would be good if I could but it may have to be the first week we miss in more than three years T_T. But, if you're by any chance also coming to Annecy and would like to hang out, I would love to have some people to meet there ^^ And you can bet I'll be writing all about it on here.

Anyway... As you know unless you're a space alien (in which case, hi!), every year animation students go to animation schools to learn this ridiculous art form. One of the most effective ways to learn to make animated films is to... make animated films, going through the whole process from planning to finishing. The schools thus dedicate a large portion of each year to having their students make a short film, typically a few minutes long.

Different schools handle this process in different ways. At Gobelins in France, the students form small teams and work on a film together, and given how consistent and polished their films tend to be, I assume they're quite closely supervised. This is not true elsewhere...

CalArts, near LA, is another one of the most prestigious schools, and a lot of renowned animators both in the states and even internationally (e.g. sakuga stars like Weilin Zhang and Curie Lu) went there - which leads to design trends in American animation (notably the 'bean head') sometimes getting spuriously attributed to a CalArts house style, rather than studio execs being very conservative in what they'll approve.

Compared to Gobelins, it seems that CalArts students tend to make their films largely solo, or at least in much smaller groups, and they're also made every year rather than just for graduation. The results tend to be wildly varied in both style and content, depending on what the students bring. They might be a lot more raw, but that also gives the possibility of really unique and unexpected stuff, and equally I find it interesting to see people at an earlier stage on the road...

So. A year ago on AN109 we watched through the playlist, and saw some real delights like Operago. Tonight I think it would be fun to check out this year's offerings. Unlike Gobelins, which releases everything on its official channel, CalArts students tend to put their films up on personal channels which means finding them can be a bit fiddly. But for a preview, check out this list someone made; at 35 films it's probably very incomplete so I'll be searching for more that are missing. Besides the Gobelins, I have a few other short films to show so we should have plenty to watch.

I'll be starting late, probably around midnight UK time, which is about 4pm in California; apologies that it just isn't possible to start earlier ^^' The place will be twitch.tv/canmom as ever, hope to see you there!

(And if you'd like something else to watch in the meantime, my vtuber friend Yuri Heart is gonna be on tonight too starting around 10:30, and I know she'd also appreciate some company!)

#animation night

[wrecking-man]

Starks;Gate Chapter 1 - Fullmetal & Alchemist

Click here to read on AO3.

One September day, on the second floor of the Brawn Workshop.

The Brawn Workshop was a traditional blacksmith shop in the Kingdom of Marvel, on the continent of Omorika... It specialized in, of all things, extremely heavy weapons and armor.

Armor several centimeters thick... Swords too big, too thick, too heavy, and too rough—you get the idea...

In contrast, the second floor was catered to anything but...

It was a sanctuary for intellectuals! The world’s greatest minds were gathered together there!

...Or so the man renting the place would like to believe.

It was known as the Future Artifact Laboratorium.

The air was hot and heavy in this makeshift lab in an apartment room, though the forge on the floor below had long been extinguished in anticipation of this meeting of the minds.

The atmosphere was tense as two young men sat hunched over a small, rectangular wooden table...

One was sitting on a cheap green sofa, clad in form-fitting red and gold armor... On the seat next to him was a plushie that vaguely resembled a panda with short, stubby legs.

The other was sitting on a metal folding chair on the opposing side, wearing a much more casual outfit... and on top of that, a white lab coat.

There were two clear glass bottles on the floor nearby, corked shut. One of them was empty, while the other was nearly so. Inside was once a carbonated beverage by the name of Doktor Pepper—or Dk Pepper for short.

The man in iron* delicately slid a card forward on the table with the tip of his forefinger, then overturned a small hourglass that had been sitting on the edge of the table.

“You seem nervous.”

It was a plain statement of fact. The gentleman before him was sweating bullets—uncontrollably so.

The younger man forced out a stifled laugh.

He had short black hair that he kept swept back. In a word, he was lanky... For the uninitiated, this man’s name was Okabe Rintaro.

That was his legal name... his birth name... but he would always insist upon Hououin Kyouma as his true name... In full disclosure, in his past life, it was.

“I must admit, Your Majesty, that your visit has me a touch perplexed,” Okabe responded. “It can’t be that you chose me at random to play a game of RaiNet against...”

He had wondered why Makise Kurisu, his girlfriend (provisional basis), returned earlier that day with so many snacks and drinks as if they were having a party today... Now he understood.

Questions still remained, however.

Had somebody sent a d-mail...?

Though the PhoneWave (name subject to change) had been disassembled for scrap, he could not at all discount that possibility... A message from the future would easily cause the sort of confusing circumstances he had been thrust headlong into.

D-mail... It was short for ‘Dorian mail’, which in turn was short for ‘the mail of Dorian Gray’.

Its name was a reference to the famous novel ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’, since no one could perceive the changes resulting from a d-mail—save for Okabe, of course, due to an ability of his he dubbed ‘Reading Steiner’.

...There was a catch, however.

That ability of his only triggered at the time d-mails were originally sent... and even then, given the overwhelming nature of Attractor Fields, sometimes the changes were too subtle for even him to notice.

Attractor Fields, in simple terms, are like bundles of timelines... Or world lines, rather.

Think of them as cables that have been zip-tied together for convenience, or like individual threads of a rope tightly wound together.

Though only one world line is active at any given time, and there are an infinite number of variations between them, all world lines within the same Attractor Field heavily influence one another and drive the active world line towards an event they all share in common—that is known as Convergence.

It was easy for Okabe to lose track of his life whenever world lines happened to shift... whether by his doing or otherwise.

His ability had gaps... Literally...

While he retained memories from previously-active world lines he had personally experienced, he gained none at all from the new ones on his arrival... As a result, it was possible he would forget this meeting ever took place.

‘When’ was anyone’s guess. It depended on when the d-mail was sent.

If one was even sent.

It was a useful, but often frustrating ability. In some sense, you could also call it a disability... It was like being gaslit by the universe itself, except the universe does not lie.

...He tried not to think about it.

Getting back to the game, Okabe moved one of his own cards on the table two squares over, sideways, leaving it two squares shy of the one Tony Stark had just moved... Two line-boosted cards facing off—a sacrificial play if ever there was one.

With haste, he flipped the hourglass back over, because time was not on his side in this battle of wits.

“You know, this game is remarkably similar to one back in my old world,” Tony said, dodging Okabe’s comment. “It was called Ghosts.”

Taking the mention of ‘ghosts’ as an indirect and subtle threat somehow, Okabe’s anxiety flared up even more... Unknowingly, he began clenching his teeth. It took everything in him to not have a panic attack right on the spot.

His mind could not help but conjure up scenarios wherein the king had become his mortal enemy, through no fault of his own.

“Do you believe in ghosts?” Tony asked as he calmly made his next move, then flipped the hourglass over again.

Okabe stared at the grains of sand as they slowly fell. Was he being toyed with here? That surely had to be the case... He could feel a righteous anger swelling within his gut... Had he not already been put through enough?!

In his mind, Okabe had already shot up from his seat and thrown his metal folding chair back towards the wall in indignation.

He then flung Tony’s Super Limited Edition RaiNet AccessBattlers board off the table, off to their sides—cards and all—and demanded to know what the great King of Marvel, Iron Man, wanted from him... all while slamming his hands on the table—again, this was only in his mind...

In reality, he was far too timid of a man to do something like that. At least to someone of such high and noble status... Further dampening his hostilities was the fact that his opponent seemed all too prepared for physical conflict, casually sitting there on his sofa in fullmetal...

Alchemist and arcanist by trade, Okabe scarcely stood a chance against him if a fight were to break out between them... So if there was any possibility of appeasement, then that would no doubt be Okabe’s first choice. And if not, then running away was also an enticing option.

Okabe anxiously tapped his feet on the floor, trying to somehow ground himself back to reality. If only he were not alone in this time of tribulation, he could somehow puzzle out the answer to his quandary.

But he was alone—his adversary notwithstanding.

“How about time travel...?” Tony changed the question after receiving no answer, carefully gauging all of Okabe’s reactions. “With that, I think you must have some idea why I’m here...”

As its CEO, Tony was coming off the heels of a thorough purge of the research organization known as SORN (Society for Omorikans Researching Nature) after it had gone rogue, and had yet to discern whether the young man in front of him was friend or foe.

The leader of the Rounders, a man by the name of Tennouji Yugo—the man who happened to own this very building, as a matter of fact—had already vouched for Okabe during questioning, stating that he was ‘too damned honest for his own good.’

Tony had received similar testimony from another Rounder, one Kiryu Moeka, whom said that Okabe ‘is a little rude, and acts delusional sometimes, but he is a good person.’

The Rounders were an elite team of ruthless mercenaries under the employ of SORN, however. As such, they carried out all manner of tasks for them... up to and including assassinations, as Tony had found out first hand.

To his great fortune, Tony had been blessed by one of this world’s many gods to never forget anything. So on that ‘promised day where time intersected’, well...

Tony took SORN’s betrayal personally, as one might imagine. Dragons would be jealous of the fury wrought upon them on his revival in this new, Iota Attractor Field...

Considering the Rounders had already killed him once, Tony would be forgiven for having a suspicious mind regarding anything they had to say now.

In this moment, however, he could only see himself as the villain. Or, perhaps more accurately, he was a schoolyard bully... Okabe was seemingly on the verge of tears—his eyes were red, anyways...

Playing dumb here was never truly an option for Okabe. That had become painfully obvious.

He made his next move without really thinking it over. He was going to lose this game of RaiNet anyway... At this point, he simply did not want to see the sand in his half of the hourglass run out.

“Time travel is possible,” Okabe said gravely, “...but time must never be manipulated. Never.” He summoned up what little foolhardy courage he could and stared Tony down as he overturned the hourglass again.

His skin felt like it was on fire. He was no doubt the world’s greatest hypocrite for saying that... He knew full well he had no right to make such a declaration. Not after having desperately jumped from world line to world line countless times trying to find one in which both his girlfriend (provisional basis) and his hostage (childhood friend), Shiina Mayuri, remained alive...

But it was precisely because he knew the consequences of messing with the flow of time that he could say it.

Tony leaned into the sofa and rested his arms on its back, ignoring the fact that it was now his turn. He then crossed one leg flat over the other.

Okabe’s answer was not bad, in Tony’s view. It at least let Tony know that Okabe had little to no intention of abusing the power he so clearly held.

“Spoken like a man cursed with knowledge... and experience,” Tony said after some thought, “But are you sure about that? Only the Smiths deal in absolutes...”

Tony decided to defuse the situation. It had come to a low boil, which admittedly was his intention until now, but Okabe was not among the ranks of his enemies. That was the conclusion he’d just arrived at.

Okabe was speechless. Just what was this guy’s objective here? One minute he’s putting the screws to his head, and the next he’s offering an olive branch?

Not that he was complaining about the latter, mind you... but Okabe was so taken aback by the mood whiplash that he couldn’t hide the growing confusion on his face.

“A Spark Wars quote...? Really?” Okabe couldn’t help but point out the glaringly obvious.

“You a fan?” Tony asked while making his next RaiNet move. He did so without moving, and instead ‘used the force’... That is to say, he used telekinesis.

If there was one thing he loved about this world he was reincarnated into, it was that magic was far more accessible. He somewhat regretted never trying his hand at it back on Earth, because he probably could have given his ‘old friend’ Stephen a run for his money.

And what about Okabe?

Was he a fan?

As if Tony even needed to ask!

Okabe wanted to let out one of his unhinged, top-of-his-lungs laughs at the absurdity of it... If only he didn’t feel that his neck was still on the line, he might well have done.

...Because he fucking loved Spark Wars!

He closed his eyes and extended his arm out to the side, then flexed open his hand.

Something mounted up on the far wall by the window lightly vibrated until it finally came loose from its display rack. It then promptly shot into Okabe’s waiting hand in a fraction of a second, reminding Tony of another old friend of his.

Okabe snapped open his eyes, and with dramatic flare, he held the item aloft in front of him to reveal it to his waiting audience.

It was one of Okabe’s most prized possessions, as it had been integral in paving the way to Steins Gate.

Future Artifact No.6: Cyalume Saber!

It had five major components:

A standard reinforced glass tube, about 30cm long.

A solution of cyalume—in other words, a ‘potion of illumination’. (Do not drink!)

A sturdy-enough cylindrical hilt, fashioned from aluminum.

An interspatial storage ring at the tip.

Fake blood concealed within said storage ring to make mock battles more realistic!

It was the perfect prop to reenact all your favorite scenes from Spark Wars!

“Does this answer your question?” Okabe asked seriously, without breaking eye contact—and without so much as a hint of shame.

Under pressure, but adapting to this new development, Okabe quickly concocted a new plan.

It was a simple plan, really.

Simply put, he would humbly seize upon the lifeline Tony had graciously offered him... He would call this ‘Operation A New Hope’!

“...Oh, it’s my turn,” Okabe quickly mumbled to himself before hunching over and taking his turn.

Tony couldn’t help but smirk to himself behind his helmet, and exhale through his nose in amusement. He could see now what the two Rounders had meant.

“You got two...?”

...

Somewhat startled by the question, Okabe’s heart fluttered and chills shot down his spine. His eyes went wide as he slowly sat back upright, and he took a moment to fully process the question.

...He was touched by its implications.

If he had two... If only he had two... The two of them could, in theory, have had a Spark Wars duel... right then and there!

Argh...! That genuinely sounded like so much fun! Okabe found himself gritting his teeth again, just for a different reason this time...

Of course, the singular nature of the relic in his hand was not the only obstacle preventing such merriment from taking place.

There was one other crucial detail that could not be overlooked... The one he did have had immense sentimental value, and thus he could never risk breaking it...

He mentally kicked himself for never producing more. Doubly so given it could have appeased his overlord.

Okabe looked down in disappointment, and shook his head. “Alas, I have but one...”

“Shame,” Tony responded. It was a fun thought. “...So. Favorite character?”

“...Duke Skywalker,” Okabe answered. Unequivocally. He crossed his arms, because apparently the RaiNet game was over.

Tony nodded. He hunched forward slightly, and clasped his hands over his leg. “I’m more of a Hanz Ollo guy, but I respect it.”

“...Who shot first?” (With a crossbow.)

“Hanz,” Tony answered as if by reflex, like he knew the question was coming, “...You know, we had Spark Wars back on Earth as well. Except a number of key details are different.”

Okabe sat more at attention, though ironically enough, he also found himself more relaxed. “Such as?” he asked while stroking his chin.

“We called it Star Wars... And it took place in space. With aliens.”

“You’re kidding...”

“I’m serious,” Tony assured him, “And Darth Spider was called Darth Vader.” The bottom half of Darth Spider’s helmet had an eerie resemblance to Spider-Man’s mask... It hit him rather close to home when that particular character died...

Tony finally decided to finish his drink, so he reached down and grabbed it. “Oh, and see this...?” he held up his bottle to show Okabe the label. “It’s still Doktor Pepper where I’m from, but with a ‘c’ instead of a ‘k’, and it’s shortened to ‘Dr’, not ‘Dk’.”

As an exercise in futility, he tried to ignore that the beverage had his ex-wife’s nickname in its name by pure coincidence... Predictably, he failed.

He sighed through his nose, and drank it down.

“Intriguing,” Okabe responded, as if he had learned some closely-guarded secret of the multiverse.

“Oh, yeah. I mean, I could do this all day,” Tony said. After all, there were seemingly infinite subtle differences between their universes that he could list off... And some that were not-so-subtle. “...but getting back to the topic at hand—”

Okabe’s stomach tightened, and he fought the urge to curse, even under his breath... For a brief moment he had thought he was in the clear after their conversation strayed into safer territory... but he quickly realized just how premature of a judgment that was after Tony went right back to it.

A fresh bead of sweat dripped from his forehead down the left side of his face. It held steady at the bottom of his chin for a few seconds, and then finally landed on one of the folds of his lab coat.

Of course he wouldn’t be let off so easily... Not when the secrets of time travel were at stake!

He tried to keep his breathing steady. He had to remain calm...

Was it getting even hotter? Was it just his imagination? How was his adversary not sweating his ass off in that thick suit of armor...?

Were it not for their chronic lack of funds, Okabe would have offered from the start to activate another of his lab’s ‘Future Artifacts’ to cool the room... but now was hardly the time to think about that... Besides, he would have to go digging for another mana crystal to replace the last one that had been fully drained, and he didn’t know how many they had left in the appropriate size—if they still had any left at all.

Tony nearly broke into a laugh.

Okabe really was too honest for his own good. He truly wore his heart on his sleeve.

Aside from the very noticeable souring of his expression, Okabe had also tightened his hands into fists. If he were to squeeze any tighter, the hilt of his mana saber toy would buckle and break.

“You’re too tense,” Tony said, “It’s bad for your health.”

“...How bad?” Okabe asked... tensely... As if he didn’t already know that. He figured he must have forgotten to take his anxiety medication again, though even if he had taken it, that would have only improved this situation so much.

“Look. Rintaro...” Tony started off, which made Okabe cringe, “We all want our happy ending... It may not always work out that way—prime example being me—but despite what you might be thinking right now, I’m not out here to ruin your life... I thought you would have realized that by now.”

Tony sat back and folded his arms. If he wanted to, he could have killed Okabe in over seven hundred ways—and that's just with his bare hands... But that wasn’t why he was there. That much should have been obvious, he thought.

Okabe groaned under his breath in a mixture of annoyance and relief as he thought about how to respond to that... After the fact, he prayed that his liege did not notice—or at least that he did not care. He didn’t mean to do it! It was purely a knee-jerk reaction!

“...What?” Tony asked in defense of himself, because from his perspective he had done nothing wrong... At least not within the last couple of minutes.

It was common practice in most places in Omorika for people to refer to one another by their given names... but to be frank, Okabe loathed the name Rintaro, and so he could never get used to that custom...

No... In truth, he refused to get used to it.

The name was too ‘old-fashioned’... To him, the name even sounded downright stupid—though his vague memories of Ancient Chuunibya may have been more responsible for that... Hououin Kyouma was much more fitting a name for someone of his high stature any day of the week.

Okabe was vexed. Even if he were to tell Tony about his past life, Tony would most likely not believe him. He might even think it was a joke...

Neither of those outcomes appealed to him. As such, asking to be called Hououin Kyouma was simply out of the question.

And as for why he didn’t want to be called Rintaro... He would prefer not to get into it. It would be too tedious to explain, not to mention humiliating for him.

“It’s... It’s nothing...” Okabe said, defeated. He buried his frustration to the best of his ability. In the first place, this wasn’t the first time he had tolerated an authority figure calling him Rintaro.

He told himself to just suck it up, because in the end, it didn’t even matter. Not as long as he could get out of this in one piece.

...It had never even occurred to him to simply suggest his family name.

“No, I get you. Tell me. What is it you prefer?” Tony asked in a moment of clarity.

It didn’t take him very long to figure out Okabe’s most likely grievance when calling Okabe by his name. What else would it be?

While this world had no Japan, there was a large segment of the population that shared a striking number of similarities with its culture. Mainly in the Kingdom of Itan, as well as its surrounding regions—there were even some within his own kingdom that followed such customs... In this very city, as a matter of fact.

Tony really should have known... Even setting aside Okabe’s clearly Japanese features, with a name like Okabe Rintaro there was never any room for doubt anyways—he was Itanese, without question.

“Okabe-san? Okabe-kun?” Tony spoke again, without really giving Okabe much of a chance to speak for himself.

As a prolific businessman (and king), between his previous life and his current one, he had a lot of experience in this field. Using honorifics always felt a bit out of place for him, but appeasing his potential business partners always took priority... Well, second priority—after profit.

...

Okay, so it was his third priority... But you get the point!

“J-just Okabe is fine...”

Somehow, things had become even more awkward for Okabe after hearing Tony use Itanese honorifics. It was unexpected, to say the least...

“Noted.”

Okabe sighed... After getting a better idea of Tony’s character, he wanted to help him. Really. He did... but... “I’m sorry, Your Majesty-”

“Tony.”

“I’m sorry, Tony...” Okabe mended, “I wish I could help you change your past... but I refuse. I will not go down that road again...”

Tony snapped his fingers and pointed at Okabe in a back and forth motion. “So that’s it,” he said as the main cause of their disconnect dawned on him, “We’re not even on the same page here.”

“...Huh?”

“Dude, I solved time travel years ago,” Tony revealed casually, “The second time was an accident... So relax. That’s not even what I’m here for.”

“It’s... It’s not...?” Okabe asked, half-croaking the words out.

“Yeah. If anything, you’d better not go changing the past,” Tony said, “You’ll make me relive it... You do that, and we’re gonna have a real big problem...”

“O-oh...” Okabe said, “Sorry. I-I just assumed...” His confusion was palpable.

“I’ve got an idea though,” Tony said while slowly getting up from his seat. He started walking around the somewhat cluttered lounge area of the apartment to get a good look at the state of Okabe’s ‘lab’... “Tell me what you think about this.”

“...Go on?” Okabe said while worriedly following Tony around with his eyes.

He felt incredibly exposed as Tony strutted about like he owned the place... especially since Tony was now pushing into his friend Daru’s domain...

Although it greatly concerned him what sort of... things... Tony might find in Daru’s habitat, at least with his life seemingly no longer under threat he could feel himself starting to relax again... In fact, his body was beginning to go limp in his chair as most of his tension evaporated away.

While he was now more at ease, this exchange was still giving Okabe a headache... His concept of reality had just been shattered around him with that last revelation, and he was struggling to put the pieces back together... Very much like Tony to drop a bomb and then walk away like it was nothing...

Okabe’s confusion was more than justified. Until now, almost all knowledge of time travel had been tied in some way to the genius that was his girlfriend (provisional basis).

On top of that, the other thing Tony just said also caught his attention... He said it so casually that Okabe almost glossed over it.

He would make Tony ‘relive the past’ if he changed it...? Did Tony also have a high degree of Reading Steiner?

But that couldn’t be it... The way Tony described it was way off... It sounded more like the result of a time leap, if anything.

“I see you’re a bit of an arcanist,” Tony said as he picked up a pink ceramic band that was sitting on Daru’s small metal desk. It vaguely resembled a wrist watch...

As his suit scanned and analyzed it, Tony started to smile again.

On the same desk, there was also something called a ‘communer’, among other... things...

Tony almost pointed out they had a far more advanced, technological equivalent on Earth called a ‘computer’, but they were already past that topic so he didn’t bother... because now... Now they were going to talk business.

“Y-yes...?” Okabe answered.

“Looks to me like all you need is funding,” Tony said as he placed the artifact back down on the desk, and turned around to face Okabe again.

He saw potential in Okabe...

Who’s to say how far he could take this little operation of his if he just had an extra push?

“Funding...” Okabe said in an uncertain tone.

“Yeah,” Tony said, “Let’s talk shop... I'm guessing this is where the magic happens?"

He sauntered over to a set of closed, off-white curtains as wide as the room and stepped through where they connected in the middle.

Okabe nervously got up from his seat and followed him, making sure to maintain a respectful one meter of space between them after catching up to him.

"Ah, y-yes... That is correct," he said, then cleared his throat. "However, as you duly noted, we are not very liquid right now."

"...I'm sorry. Is that a mahowave?" Tony asked while pointing to the magical artifact that looked very much like... you guessed it... a microwave. It was sitting atop a wide metal desk, right next to another communer of a different make.

"A man's gotta eat," Okabe dared to joke. "It is perhaps the world's greatest cooking-related artifact."

"Right..." Tony said with a smirk, "Clearly you don't own an air fryer."

“Sir,” called a voice from within his suit, “Look out the window...” The voice was feminine, but sounded somewhat artificial.

“Hold that thought,” Tony said to Okabe as he made his way over to the set of large windows back in the main room. They were the type that slid open sideways... “Got something for me, Sage?”

“You should see them now,” Sage responded as 'she' highlighted, on his heads-up display, a horse-drawn carriage that had just rounded a corner. She had been tasked with keeping an eye out for any potential threats in the area. “My scans indicate five individuals... Four men, one woman.”

Okabe also made for the window to see what the commotion was, but unlike Tony who was standing at the far right side and only peeking out, Okabe stood right in front of it in full view.

Tony briefly glanced at him and considered criticizing him for doing so, but it was too late to cry about it so he didn’t bother... “These guys yours?” he asked as three men got out of the carriage. They, as well as the coachman, started running towards the Brawn Workshop.

The men were all dressed head to toe in 'black olive'-green armor made out of the highly durable silk of the makumo—a powerful species of demonic spider native to the Demon Continent of Mellon. They were also wearing helmets of the same color to conceal their identities as if they were nothing more than second rate villains in some kind of movie or manavision series.

“I can hardly pay rent. Do you think I can afford guys?!” Okabe asked pointedly as his attention shifted to the door.

This was supposed to be over, he thought, but the more things change, the more they seemed to stay the same...

His eyes darted around the room as he searched for ideas. He was not content to be raided helplessly yet again. Especially since this time he did not have the benefit of the PhoneWave (name subject to change)—let alone its extension, the Time Leap Circlet...

There would be no redo. No time reset... He either had to take a stand here, or possibly die like a dog while on the run.

He couldn’t even couch his bets on Convergence to save his hide anymore. That was only in the Alpha and Beta Attractor Fields...

With Tony there, he at least stood a fighting chance, however... Or so he hoped.

He looked at the relic still in his hand, and shook his head in frustration before clumsily placing the Cyalume Saber back on its display rack.

“You good with steam blocking your view?” Okabe asked quickly and quietly as he ran back towards the development room.

“Go. Show me what you got,” Tony said as he prepared for the door to fly open any second.

Okabe cursed under his breath as he urgently dug through a pile of Future Artifacts until— “Aha...!” Found it! Future Artifact No.4: Moad Snake!

It resembled a claymore mine from Earth, though strangely enough there was no such equivalent in Taazokaan... Its design had been carefully devised by Okabe after receiving inspiration from a popular in-universe novel called Metal Moa Solid: Rising—the author of which was from Earth... just a different one than Tony’s.

With haste, Okabe pulled its pin and slid it face up into the main room just as the entrance was kicked in.

Not even a full two seconds after removing the magical device’s seal, there was an explosion of catastrophe...! Extra thick steam sprayed forth in every direction in an instant, blocking the intruders’ visions in full!

“Huh,” Tony said to himself as his suit also received a free rinse.

His vision was somewhat dampened by the steam as well, but his suit had automatically switched to its thermal imaging mode.

He found it to be a bit jarring, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. He was in a far better state than the men complaining about it in front of him, in any case. He could at least see them to varying degrees... Literally... You know, because of their body heat...

Rather than risk blowing the steam away with some of his fancier parlor tricks, he ran into the thick of them to engage in hand to hand combat.

To their credit, these intruders were of an especially sturdy sort, and hardly took any damage at all from Tony’s assorted magic-augmented melee attacks.

That was, of course, mainly due to the fact that he was holding back... a lot... He had no intention of making donuts today. Just think of the mess...!

He needed only to subdue them, anyways, not kill them... Dead men tell no tales and all that.

...

Okabe, meanwhile... understood his limitations...

As he concealed himself in the development room behind the wide metal desk, and amongst shelves of miscellaneous books and other items, he deeply inhaled as large and deep of a breath as he could under the circumstances to prepare a spell he referred to as his ‘Stealth Field’.

It was a spell of his own creation that required crouching low to the ground... It helped to remain as still as possible, though movement was permitted to a degree.

It made him nigh impossible to notice, though it did not operate via the reflection of light a la some kind of invisibility barrier. Nor did it induce some other method of optical camouflage... It was merely a spell that made him... ‘somebody else’s problem’.

The intruders would simply overlook him... because he was no longer their problem, but rather somebody else’s...

The idea came to him after having read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Gal City.

He was 'safe' like this... He felt guilty, though. Not to mention cowardly.

Squatting on the floor in relative safety while Tony was left to fend for himself left a bitter taste in his mouth... But he was a lover, not a fighter, damn it... Surely, Tony understood...

He had every confidence in Tony’s combat prowess... If anything, he would be in Tony’s way... right?

He shut his eyes tight to maintain his Stealth Field, and felt his entire body growing tense again. Proper visualization was the key.

...

The stream of steam lasted for half a minute at best. It was far more short-lived than Tony had anticipated... Not that he was really banking on it in the first place.

He had only knocked out two of the large men at this point. Their strength and endurance-based builds made them even more durable than they appeared at a glance.

The third man was a bit different...

He seemed to anticipate each of Tony’s swings, and even a surprise kick after feinting with a right hook. It was some sort of sixth sense, Tony figured... The man kept shifting his body out of harm’s way with minimal wasted movement.

The fourth intruder, meanwhile, had been waiting out the steam in the narrow stairway leading up to the room.

“Sir...!” Sage called out urgently, just as a giant hole was torn out of the development room’s front wall.

Tony couldn’t tell what happened, exactly. But whatever it was, it shook the entire building.

He immediately turned to the development room in worry... Had he known something like this was going to happen, he wouldn’t have gone so easy on the mooks that came through the door like civilized criminals, and would have instead prioritized Okabe's safety, one way or another...

No longer having the privilege of taking his time, Tony shot ice magic out through the palms of his armored hands. He started at the third guy’s feet, then quickly worked his way up until the man’s entire body was encased in several centimeters of ice.

He exhaled sharply and watched as the fourth man shook his head no and ran back down the stairs.

Tony then ran towards the development room without wasting another second, and as soon as he saw her, he shot a linear blast of concentrated light magic (a laser beam) at the woman whom he hadn’t even considered an active threat until now.

She was dressed head to toe in a black leather outfit, and wore a thick black metal helmet to top it off. Not a single millimeter of her skin nor hair was exposed.

She blocked the light magic attack (laser beam) as easily as she breathed by waving her hand in front of her to erect a powerful barrier.

It would normally be invisible to the naked eye, though Tony could still see it thanks to one of the numerous enchantments inscribed on the inside of his helmet.

The barrier took the shape of a stone brick wall, though it was still largely transparent. Only the outlines of the edges and cracks could be seen.

Seeing it meant nothing, however, since Tony couldn’t exactly penetrate it.

Tony looked around the room for Okabe, and quickly noticed that he was unconscious at the woman’s feet, behind the desk.

He breathed, somewhat relieved... At the very least, he could tell that Okabe was still alive.

“Come with me if you want to live,” the woman demanded.

“Uhhh. Not today, Terminator,” Tony declared sarcastically. “Sage. Give me an hour, would you?”

Click here to read on AO3.

#tony stark #steins;gate #steins gate #okabe rintarou #fanfiction #starks;gate #sg 1 #crossover #fantasy au #buddy fic #plus romance eventually #eventually connects with kca

[thesimplyluxuriouslife]

How to Find Love: Be Love Instead of Look for Love, as taught by Jay Shetty

"We think love has to be obtained, earned, achieved, and received. We look for it in the form of attention and compliments, and people acknowledging us. But actually the greatest way to experience love is to give it." —Jay Shetty, author of 8 Rules of Love: How to Find it, Keep it, and Let it Go

A simple formula to love is to be it and it appears. However, this seems either too simple for some of us or to not produce the 'type of love' we had in mind. Such thinking, to have a narrow definition of what love has to be in our lives to be fulfilled, or to refuse to let go and just be instead of chasing, demanding, swiping or requiring, is to get in our own way when it comes to living a life, every single day, full of love.

Because guess what? Such a life is possible, and it is part of what living simply luxuriously is all about. In fact, it is at the core, because as I will share today, it all comes down to finding peace with ourselves, embracing our true selves and engaging fully with the world without expectation. But again, we are being asked to do less, not more, to look inward so that we can engage lovingly outward as well as lovingly toward ourselves. We are being asked to be honest about what makes us feel loved and stop engaging in practices that result in anything but.

With all of that said, it was with great appreciation that I picked up Jay Shetty's second book that was released in January of this year, 8 Rules of Love: How to Find it, Keep it and Let it Go. However, as I often let my mood or energy determine what I am ready to explore between book covers, I didn't begin reading the book until earlier this June, and as soon as I did, beginning with the very first page, I didn't put it down for one day until I had read it entirely.

The first page of the Introduction prepares you for what Shetty is trying to prepare the reader for when you finally reach the last couple of chapters, revealing what living a loving life, being love, is really all about. Shetty begins with an anecdote of a student asking what the difference between like and love is, and the teacher responds by sharing, "When you like a flower, you pluck it. When you love a flower, you water it daily."

Of course as someone who loves gardening and delights in all that gardening can and does teach us about life if only we choose to be her student, this analogy held fast my attention and gained agreement. Shetty goes on to explain how cutting a flower is equivalent to attraction, something that we covet, but quite quickly lose interest in symbolized by the wilting of the flower after it can no longer be sustained in the vase. But love is when we choose to keep the flower alive and give it what the flower needs - the proper sunlight, soil and water. And as every gardener knows, every plant has different needs when it comes to these three fundamentals. As well, a flower doesn't share its full awesomeness the first year, not even the first, second or third year, and the years could go on, again depending upon the flower, which is why care, over time, "doing our best over time" is when we "fully experience [the flower's] beauty—the freshness, the color, the scent, the bloom. You notice the delicate detail on each petal. You watch it respond to the seasons. You find joy and satisfaction when a new bud appears and feel a thrill when it blossoms." There are many different types of relationships that involve love that parallel with this analogy of caring properly and lovingly for a flower, and at the core of all of them is choosing to give daily effort, and giving what the loved one needs as you get to know them over time. But just as this is being given, in a loving relationship, this is being received so that you too can flourish and bloom into your fullest and most true self and potential. It's a two-way street and so it takes awareness to make sure we bring knowledge about ourselves to every relationship.

Before I get ahead of myself, in today's post, I am drawing on the knowledge of Jay Shetty as shared in his book, 8 Rules of Love, and sharing the key components about the four ashrams of love which when we consciously engage in each, teach us how to be love at the deepest level and thereby elevate the quality of every single day of our life. I highly recommend picking up his book if anything today speaks to you. It is a wonderful resource full of specific examples, tools and practices paired with his experience and guidance.

Let's get started.

How to Be Love:

The first ashram of love is about preparing for love by learning to be alone and learning from past relationships so to improve our next one.

1.Unlearn what we thought love meant

Conditioning begins early and is relentless. If we don't bring critical thinking about what love really is, we begin making decisions - small and significant - that prevent the real love that will deepen the quality of our life to occur, be experienced and shared.

2. Savor the gifts of solitude as an act of self-love whether in a relationship or on your own

"Solitude is the antidote to loneliness . . . The difference between loneliness and solitude is the lens through which we see our time alone, and how we use that time. The lens of loneliness makes us insecure and prone to bad decisions. The lens of solitude makes us open and curious. As such, solitude is the foundation on which we build our love."

When we discover the importance of solitude, we learn who we are, and in truly understanding ourselves, we become more clear about where to explore to find our purpose. And when we find our purpose, we become more secure within ourselves because we "learn how to display our values, not how to advertise ourselves". We begin to "let go of any anger, greed, ego, self-doubt, and confusion that clouds our heart and interferes with our ability to love".

By letting ourselves be alone, we begin, if we allow ourself to be honest, to be honest about what has made us insecure. Is it the fear of feeling loneliness? Or have we made an assumption based on what we've been told about when and how loneliness is felt? So long as we have feelings of insecurity, fear and "anxiety around loneliness . . . these very feelings prevent us from finding love".

"Solitude is not a failure to love. It is the beginning of love."

Study after study has demonstrated that we often become more in tune and aware as students of life. We can hear ourselves, observe what grabs our attention, learn new skills more completely and swiftly, and so whether we are in a relationship or not, regularly giving ourselves time alone is healthy and powerfully nourishing for a better relationship with ourselves and those we love.

When we learn how to love ourselves through embracing solitude, we also learn how to love others. Not just a romantic partner, but all other people. When we learn how to be less critical with ourselves, we discover how that nourishes rather than belittles and thus builds trust. When we are honest with ourselves, we learn how to honest with others when it may be difficult to do so, and to do so in a loving way. When we learn patience, compassion and empathy, "we can use [these] qualities to love someone else. In this way, being alone—not lonely, but comfortable and confident in situations where we make our own choices, follow our own lead, and reflect on our own experience—is the first step in preparing ourselves to love others."

However, we must be careful to not stop giving ourselves love even if we should choose to step into a relationship. Which leads to another way to be love that we will talk about down the list.

3. The Power of Presence

A fundamental skill of mindfulness, something talked about in episode #350, is being present. And simply because we are in our own company doesn't mean we are practicing presence. As Shetty points out, to distance ourselves from what we discover when we are fully present we may distract ourselves, always keep ourselves busy. The reasons for doing this will only be known to each of us, so it is in being present that we can be honest with why we are fearful of being present, and with time, we begin to discover the gifts, the many gifts of being present — discovering what we value, discovering if we are being who we truly are or have put up walls or facades and in time (and with help if we choose to seek out a therapist), we discover why we did this and how to shed these 'selves' that are not us and begin to embrace what we love, embrace and explore our curiosities and find a voice and/or a direction that fuels us.

It is this self-knowledge that we begin to gain self-awareness and we can acknowledge that yes there are weaknesses and if said weaknesses are something we want to improve, we can choose to do so, but just as powerful is knowing our strengths and beginning to play to those and not diminish ourselves, shrink or accept limitations that may have been conditioned and thus believed by either certain people, institutions or whatever environment is fine with us being less of ourselves. And then we begin to make choices that serve us better.

The Skill of Presence and Why It is At The Core of True Contentment, episode #350

The foundational gift of solitude is discovering ourselves, and when we know ourselves, "we'll be more willing to spend time pursuing our interests without needing the safety net of a companion. The activities you choose and what you learn about yourself from those activities will expand your self-awareness" and deepen your self-confidence.

4. Understand the Law of Karma

"Karma is the law of cause and effect. Every action produces a reaction. In other words, your current decisions, good and bad, determine your future experience. People think karma means that if you do something bad, bad things will happen to you . . . but that's not how it works. Karma is more about the mindset in which we make a decision. If we make a choice or take action with or without proper understanding, we receive a reaction based on that choice . . . You made a choice and you have to live with the consequences/outcomes of that choice. Punishment and reward are not karma's purpose. Rather, karma is trying to teach you."

Each choice we make prompts an outcome or an effect. And during our time of solitude is the time to be honest about ourselves and learn from past relationships. Not to analyze the other person, but our choices that lead to what worked, what did not. In other words, to examine as objectively as possible how we contributed to the events of the journey of each relationship. What can we learn? What do we need to learn? What decisions need to be approached differently? This is where we choose to be the student and live consciously, not by habit.

Shetty points out that when we are young, we are shaped and influenced by choices of others that we don't necessarily, or at all, have control over - our parents, environment, schooling, religious instruction, etc. . But as we step into adulthood and have the agency to make our own choices, we can, and it would be wise to do so, evaluate the impression of these influences that have shaped our thinking, behaviors and responses. If we don't like the impressions, we have the ability to "gain the intelligence to curate our impressions by choosing what we watch and who we listen to. We also have the opportunity to revisit, edit and unlearn past impressions." In other words, if we don't like the outcome of certain choices, we simply need to make different choices and those choices can do with anything and everything in your life, which of course includes not only the people you choose to date or potentially partner with, but also whether or not you choose to grow and step into your fullest potential, finding your purpose and thus finding and experiencing contentment.

Shetty goes on to conclude that "karma is a mirror, showing us where our choices have led us . . . First, when we learn from the past, we heal it. And second, this process helps us to stop making the same mistakes."

One last thought on karma, and this can be applicable to anything in our lives and how we choose to live, "If you put something into the world, you get it back." This can be looked at for positive and negative outcomes as we discussed above, but let's start with the approach of trying to find love. What are you putting out in the world? If you are depending upon your looks, your clothes, anything on the exterior to be the determining factor in attracting 'love', you will attract someone who values what you have presented. Conversely, if you choose to simply be love, and practice all that is shared in today's post/episode, step back from expectation and simply live your life, live your purpose, that is also who and what you will attract - other people - some potentially a partner, most people simply platonic - who value sincerity, who value similar passions and the ethos you bring to your daily life.

"The promise of a happily ever after turns out to be an obstacle to happily ever after."

5. Fill Your Own Gaps

"What you want from someone else, first give to yourself."

When we wait and look outward for someone else to bring into our lives what we feel we are lacking, we are beginning from a place of insecurity and dependency and that, in the long-run doesn't contribute to a healthy relationship. We all likely need to heal something in ourselves, but that is not the responsibility of someone else. As I will talk about below, our partner can and should be our guru (hang on to discover what exactly this means) and we should be theirs, but we have to know how to heal ourselves in order to receive the support. They cannot do the homework for us - that is what gradually weighs down a relationship unhealthily. Shetty shares, "Once we fulfill our own needs, we're in a better place to see what a relationship can give us."

Once you have done your homework of embracing solitude and self-examining your past choices, i.e. the karma you created and how it served you, acknowledging what choices need to be made differently in order to create different outcomes, then we can bring with us valuable knowledge that will help us be love more truly, stepping ever closer to experiencing what love really is. This is not to say you stop spending time in solitude or stop self-examining. No, no, no, no, no. You now have the skills of each and to be effective must be practiced regularly as life's journey unfolds.

The second of four ashram's of love is "the stage of life when we extend our love to others while still loving ourselves".

6. Understand the four stages of love

Repeatedly, it is shared in this chapter that to know if we love someone takes time. Plain and simple. Time with each other, again and again. Choosing to share time and withholding expectations and a rigid timeline. After all, if we enter with these two as guidelines, then it isn't love we are looking for and we are not 'being love'.

The four stages do not necessarily need to be experienced in order, but they all need to be experienced with our partner in order to know love is being practiced - given and received.

Attraction

Dreams

Struggle and Growth

Trust

Each of these stages takes time, some time events will be unwanted but will play a hand in helping us experience a particular stage, but Shetty assures, "If we gradually unveil our personalities, values and goals, we start to see if there is a connection." And the key is that this gradual unveiling be reciprocal.

What is important to keep in mind is that even if a relationship doesn't meet all four stages, for example, when you hit stage #3 and struggle occurs and boundaries are made clear, if one person doesn't respect the boundaries even after there is clarity about what the other needs, it doesn't mean it's a failure' in fact, it is a very good thing because you have learned that you are not a good fit to live a fulfilling life that will make you both happy, and that is wisdom that benefited you both. However, if after reaching stage #3, communication is exchanged, knowledge is learned you and both engage in a manner that aligns with each other, now with a better understanding of one another, then more clarity has been gained and the relationship is deepened.

7. Be trustworthy

To talk a bit more about the fourth stage mentioned previously, in order to find someone we can trust, we must be someone who is trustworthy. Again, we cannot control another's choices, only ours, and we attract what we put out into the world. Remember, karma is a mirror, so if we are untrustworthy, we actually attract untrustworthy behavior to us because we think others are untrustworthy because we are! See how we create what we say we don't want by simply being that! So simple, so powerful, and the change is quite simple. All of this ability to find people to trust begins in the first ashram - becoming comfortable with solitude and becoming knowledgeable of ourselves and changing what we know is not constructive. This builds the trust in ourselves that we will then connect with others.

And again, it is important to remember, that trust takes time to build, and is revealed through the stages above, especially during the third stage of love. Shetty shares there are three types of trust - physical (feeling safe in their presence and you feel good being around them, seen, etc.), mental (trusting their mind, ideas, and thoughtfulness. Not necessarily an across the board consensus on all topics is their agreement, but you trust how they make decisions), and emotional (their values and who they are as a human). So again, you cannot observe or experience all of these in a short period of time, so take time to observe but also to be yourself and be truly seen by the person you are getting to know.

8. Put your purpose before your partner's

"You want to go on a journey with someone, not to make them your journey."

In a post I wrote a couple of years ago, inspired by Jay Shetty's book Think Like A Monk, the concept of dharma is shared: Passion + Expertise + Usefulness = Dharma. Shetty doubles down on this truth that will lead each of us to contentment when he talks about the necessity for both individuals in a partnership to put their purpose first for themselves, followed by the relationship and any other values that they may have. Why is honoring your dharma (your purpose) vital to do in a relationship just as much as it is if we are not in a relationship? "Dharma clarifies your values and priorities to yourself and your partner." Shetty goes on to explain the other three fundamental pursuits that drive us forward in life, thus shaping our choices and actions (dharma being one of the four). When you have found your dharma, you "spend money with a clearer sense of how it should be spent, and you pursue love with a desire to create a meaningful life with your partner. Eventually these three pursuits lead to the fourth - moksha, where all we do is devoted to a spiritual journey."

"Your purpose has to come first for you, and your partner's purpose has to come first for them. Then you come together with the positive energy and stability that come from pursuing your purposes."

Finding and continuing to pursue your dharma "insulates and protects our self-esteem" and it is because we continually value and prioritize our dharma that we can remain more stable during the ups and downs of life which benefits our relationship.

By maintaining your identity outside of the relationship, you are not in danger of letting the relationship define you. You bring your full self and love of life to the relationship, choosing (not needing) to be with this other person. "Dharma helps you live a passionate, inspired, motivated life, a life you want to share with someone. You also have the pleasure of living alongside someone who is fulfilled. There is great joy in seeing the person you love doing what they love."And the gift of knowing what it feels like to pursue your own dharma gives you insight into the struggles and elevating highs that come with the choice to do so enabling you to be a truly supportive partner.

But before we move ahead too quickly. What happens if I am not pursuing my dharma? Or my partner isn't pursuing theirs? Simple answer: "When we aren't pursuing our purposes, troubles arise."

Shetty explains that often when we may think the relationship has a problem, it is actually a result of one or both of the partners not following their purpose. Simple and true.

So just to remind, to take us back to the first ashram discussed above, finding your purpose, preparing for love, is often the hardest part of knowing how to be love, but is, he underscores, the most important. Why? "If we don't learn the lessons of the first ashram of love, then we won't know how lovable [we] are and what [we] have to offer."

This works both ways, as each partner does this for themselves.

9. Be each others' guru

First, what is a guru? Shetty explains that we must think of it as how our actions impact our partner. A guru offers "guidance without judgment, wisdom without ego, love without expectations." And this is vitally important to understand lest it be misinterpreted: "Being a guru for your partner doesn't mean imparting wisdom to them, but it does require patience, understanding, curiosity, creativity and self-control."

This is an approach I think is often misunderstood, and can be easily misapplied if we don't come into the relationship knowing what our purpose is and valuing it, having a clear separation of who we are apart from our partner. Which is why we must know ourselves well, continue to give ourselves self-love and honor our purpose whether we are in a relationship or not. Just as our partner should do for themselves. For example, if we want our partner to change in any way, that is not being love. Shetty reminds, "That is ownership. Ownership is born out of control." We are not in a relationship to control the other, nor do we want to be controlled.

As a guru, you give because you love the person. What you give is being love in your actions, words, thoughtfulness and considerations and not seeking a particular 'reward'. Much like most investments worth their substantial value, they take time to show the results we might hope will occur, but we don't give to get. We give to be love to our partner. Letting your partner pursue their purpose and lovingly supporting as they need and you can provide builds trust and bolsters confidence not only in your partner toward their purpose but in the bond you are building with each other.

Another example is to lead by example, not to dictate. In other words, don't preach. Instead just practice what uplifts your life without the expectations that your partner do the same. Again, these are actions that are part of the stages of love that will help you learn if you are compatible. Even if you are not, it doesn't mean they are a bad person or you are a bad person. You are merely avoiding unnecessary incompatibility down the road that would lead to a fissure later.

Lastly, a guru, being a guru, is not about helping our partner become the best we think they can be, but the best version of themselves they want to be. What we must know inside ourselves is if we want to support this person as they grow, whatever that growth may be, because if we focus on what we want, we begin to deteriorate any trust that has already been built. "Your partner is your guru, not your god. They help you become better, but they aren't better than you." Which is to say, your story can only be written by you and you must not lose your identity even as you change and grow together. "Remember your own personality, values and goals. Don't lose the thread of your own story."

All that has been shared above needs to be experienced in reverse as well. Do you feel support without expectation or judgment or ego from your partner? This is a two-way street of engagement which again is why it takes time to know if this person is a good fit for you both. To both reside in a growth mindset is crucial, and that is nurtured by being curious about what they are passionate about, helping how you can, being open-minded as well as humble (setting the ego aside). An important finding to keep in mind when we consider offering criticism is that "critical feedback has been identified as one of the most common triggers that send us into a fixed mindset". To further this point of choosing to let go of criticism and using fear as a motivator, Shetty writes, "Criticism is lazy communication. It's not constructive, compassionate or collaborative. Look for ways to communicate so that the other person can consume, digest and apply your input effectively . . . give suggestions instead of criticism."

The gift of being each others' guru while coming with some "discomfort of change is offset by the delight of shared understanding. The growth that a guru and student cultivate keeps a relationship exciting and new even as it matures and you grow more familiar with each other."

~The third ashram of love is knowing how to lovingly protect love while going through struggles.

Simply because we are in the third stage doesn't mean we forget the previous two. In fact, we continue to bring those skills with us because it is during struggling times, that we must know how to self-reflect and self-examine to understand what is blocking our ability to be loving as our relationship grows and evolves. We must also know how to give ourselves self-love and not neglect what we need. In either the instance of navigating lovingly forward with our partner or realizing the partnership will come to an end, we deepen love regardless. Why? Because we have practiced lovingly how to navigate struggle without losing ourselves but also trying to understand and love our partner as we travel forward.

I could detail this Part three of the book, but I think it would be most helpful to read it on your own as it will be very specific to each of our journeys and where we find ourselves. For example, you may currently be in a relationship and are seeking skills and tools on how to fight well - because this is a necessity - and there is a loving way to do it. Or you may be in need of ending a relationship, but are scared to do so. Or maybe you are trying to give yourself permission to speak up, but in a loving, yet clear way that honors you, this chapter is a wonderful resource for all and more ways to protect both the love of a loving relationship and the self-love that should always travel with you through relationships and in between relationships and after relationships.

~The fourth and final ashram of love is connection by extending our love to each and every person and area of our life, having compassion for all living entities. This is the highest expression of love, and all previous stages are preparing you to be able to live in this stage.

One of the aspects and in fact, fundamental points of Jay Shetty's book is one I found to be deeply enlightening and a breath of fresh air. This book, 8 Rules of Love, is actually not about learning how to find your 'love match'. Nope. In fact, it is about realizing that each and every relationship we choose to be in or have been in is actualality providing us an opportunity to learn how to be love in every single moment and day of our life during our one and only life on this planet. Which is to say, "The way you perfect love is not by waiting to find it or have it, but by creating it with everyone, all the time . . . it's the great gift that love has to offer." Shetty goes on to say,

"We want love in our lives, and we naturally assume it should take the form of romantic love. But it's a misconception that the only love in your life is between you and your partner, your family and your friends. It's a misconception that life is meant to be a love story between you and one other person. That love is just a stepping-stone. Having a partner isn't the end goal. It's practice for something bigger and life changing, a form of love that is even more expansive and rewarding than love."

If we are in a romantic relationship, our partners give us a change to practice being love, but "we don't have to fulfill our romantic desires to get there. It is available to all of use e very day, and it is infinite." And that is just the point, being involved romantically is a desire, but it is not something that is required to live a fulfilling life. A life of love is a core component of a fulfilling life, but "love means noticing that everyone is worthy of love and treating them with the respect and dignity their humanity automatically makes them deserve."

10. Understand the skill of a Radius of Respect

"When someone is toxic, we can love them from a radius of respect."

But wait, you might be saying, I am not into this idea of Radical Acceptance. I am not going to subject myself to destructive relationships whether that be caused around family or friends, etc. And you are certainly correct, you should never do so. In fact, it would not be loving toward yourself to put yourself in situations that are harmful, emotionally or physically.

If the person who we acknowledge is toxic, is also someone we don't want to entirely eradicate from our lives, this is where all of our skills of how to be love both to ourselves and them are put into practice. Shetty teaches that when we encounter someone who is hard to be around - known or unknown to us - "the first step toward loving them is to understand what, if anything, our reaction to them reveals about ourselves". He goes on to share examples, but our lives are a constant mirror of what we have put out into the world, and our life journey is full of lessons that if we choose to see them as lessons can improve the quality of our daily experience. In such instances, you may not ever come into contact with the person who raised your hackles, but there is a lesson to be learned about yourself regarding why your hackles went up if you choose to see it.

When it does come to someone who, say a family member, or an ex-partner who you are co-parenting with, etc., the radius of respect entails "standing at the distance where we can still respect and support them, than to be too close and have our resentment grow." Only you will know this distance. Honor what you need. It may change with time - more is needed, less is needed - but when you create a loving environment for yourself in your daily life, you will know what the right distance is each day.

By putting into place the radius of respect, you can continue to be loving because you are "protected from feeling used and you are allowed to wish them well from afar until you are ready to love them up close."

11. Experience love in its different forms

"When we expand our radius of love, we have the opportunity to experience love every day, at every moment."

It is when we broaden our definition of love, and step away from the narrow ideals that have been placed into our minds unconsciously and we accept, that we, through our actions of being love, begin to experience feeling the love we at first were searching for. "Love is available whenever you want to feel it by giving it to others."

12. Give love

"Giving love solves the human need that is even greater than romantic love. I need to be of service. There is no greater ecstasy than that."

And this is why holding your purpose, your dharma, first, finding your dharma, needs to be the leading priority in your life. It is crucial to continue to give yourself self-love throughout your life journey, and to be of service does not me you ignore your needs or your boundaries because when you are unable to give what you can uniquely give because you haven't nourished yourself regularly with what fuels you, protects you, supports you, the world is missing out.

"You can seek love your whole life and never find it, or you can give love your whole life and experience joy."

13. Be love

"We impact one another in all we do."

Through small actions and thoughts that involve practicing understanding, support and belief in what those around us are doing, accepting, and extending appreciation, we are being love in our everyday lives. They need not be grand or big or even cost-expenditure gestures; they just need to be sincere and with the recipient, not the giver, in mind.

"Instead of expecting love, we have to find ways of expressing love . . . We've been taught to believe that the only way [we] can experience love is when [we]receive it, but you can feel love anytime you want to simply by connecting with the love that is always within you."

Shetty breaks down the various zones of love we have in our lives: family and partner, friends, colleagues, community, strangers, organizations, the Earth. we can be love in each one of these situations according to their needs and our relationship with each one through something as simple as a smile, by being respectful, following through on promises, connecting in a way that shows we were listening or see them as an individual if it is for example, a colleague at work, caring for our Mother Earth with thoughtful choices as to how we go through our days and appreciating the gifts she gives us all.

"The greatest way to experience love, is to give it."

We've talked about it before here on the podcast/blog in episode #287 - 5 Things to Do to Build Healthy Relationships, we all innately seek the five A's - appreciation, affection, attention, allowing, acceptance, and here is the key to finding each one: be them. Be appreciative, be affectionate, give your full attention, allow others to be themselves, accept others for being who they are. You may not want to strike up an intimate romantic partnership with everyone, but in choosing this action every time with every person you come across, you are being love.

14. Embrace the paradox of Love

"Experience [love], practice it, and create it instead of waiting for it to find you. The more you do this, the more you will experience the depths of love from different people through every single day for the rest of your life."

For too long in my own life, I sought love. I made mistakes up and down this list of teachings Shetty provides because I didn't know what love really was. So many influences had made an impression on me that it wasn't until I started to acknowledge that what was purported to be love didn't feel loving and so I began began to be a student first of myself, and then of putting into practice what I have learned from those far wiser than I on this topic - Jay Shetty being one such person. To experience love, real love, is to be it in our everyday no matter our relationship 'status'. If we are in a romantic relationship, we can continually be a student and be practicing being love. If we are not in a romantic relationship, we are still in many other relationships, and love can be expressed and exchanged there as well. Our life, today, has the potential to have as much or as little love as we wish to bring to the world, and it is far easier to love when we put the expectations of needing to find it first aside.

In my morning meditation, I close each session with the following intention expressed audibly: May you be content, may you be safe, may you be healthy, may you be kind, may you be love, may your life be filled with peace. I have included inspiration for this phrasing of choice from mindfulness teachers and then included my own regarding what I need to remember to practice in my daily life, so it was important for me to remind myself each day to "be love". Be what I want to experience. Give without the expectation of receiving.

I hope today's episode/post offered insight and inspiration into how to cultivate a deeply fulfilling life full and grounded in real love. Be sure to explore Jay Shetty's latest book The 8 Rules of Love: How to Find it, Keep it, and Let it Go.

8 Rules of Love

Copyright January 2023

Petit Plaisir

~Sautéed chopped chives for finishing a French Omelette, sunny side up egg or anything that pairs well with chives.

Watch the full episode from Season 1 of The Simply Luxurious Kitchen cooking show, episode #5 to learn how to make your very own French Omelette, and be sure to listen to this podcast episode (#360) as we step into my kitchen and listeners can listen as I show the steps for sautéing chives. In fewer than 30 seconds add a punch a flavor that amplifies the yum of an everyday dish.

Watch me cook a French Omelette paired with a green salad live on Afternoon Live, KATU-ABC.

~Explore more Petit Plaisirs here in TSLL's Archives.

Tune in to the latest episode of The Simple Sophisticate podcast

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[jontheketeld]

The Porton Down Anomaly

First of all this is not anything to do with

SCP or some sort of cryptid

you trend following smh's

this is a real event

Porton Down is Britain's major research facility

in regards to viruses and chemicals

and their effects on the human body

here human testing is performed

including unwilling participants

i say "is performed" but in terms of the unwilling it's "was"

that kind of thing doesn't exactly fly nowadays

not even if the subjects are foreigners

the past is horrible, people

or that's the narrative anyway

now way back when

people were experimented on without their knowledge

one such subject

that was told he was there to find a cure for the common cold

you know that famously incurable ailment

the one that evolves faster than the planet's immune system

the one that famously any anti-virus would be more deadly

and this was common knowledge beforehand

you get the picture

so let's just say our subject today was not the brightest bulb

said subject was one of the human guinea pigs

along with others they were here to test various things

after some people died from the after effects of tests

the scientists were given a new safer level of 'stuff' to test

the scientists ignored the suggestion

they reduced the dosage somewhat but not enough

our subject was given a lethal dosage

previous tests showed that they sat comfortably in the fatal region

there was no question about it

this man was about to die

he wasn't the only one

several other people were given the same dosage

can't rely on one set of results for accurate tests

they all died

except our subject

well that's odd

maybe he has some sort of immunity to it

that's what the scientists thought at the time

he had shown the same symptoms as the others earlier on

it's possible his body was already built in a special way

a way that allowed his immune system to evolve to fight it

at a faster pace than the 'stuff' was able to deal damage

there was also a woman who had been pronounced dead

along with many other women

she had shocked the scientists by apparently coming back to life

she obviously hadn't died and had slipped into a coma momentarily

the odd thing is that these were scientists testing here

it's not like they're gonna make a mistake when testing vital signs

but a lot of people had died and maybe they got a little complacent

the person who checked the bodies was reprimanded

not because there might be living people they'd disposed of

but because his sloppy efforts might ruin the data

he did admit to getting used to routine and being lax

he pointed out less than a dozen others that he was lazy with

the morgue was asked if these people showed any life signs earlier

one individual showed signs of dying after the pronounced death

it was assumed they'd suffocated at some point later

considering what they were testing caused breathing troubles

that would make a lot of sense

but it was at this point that something stood out

all three had the same surname

"Rowan"

with some variance on the spelling

now the scientists thought that it's possible that they're related

maybe there's a hereditary reason they survived

two of the same name is a coincidence but three is curious

the woman was in no fit state to be talking

she'd survived but not unharmed

her language skills had been affected

she was hysterical from her ordeal

that's understandable

and she was also having trouble breathing

again they were testing things that affected breathing specifically

no surprises there

the man however though not in his best state was able to talk

and he revealed that

the man that had died in the morgue was his older relative

about the woman however he had no idea who they were

about this time info on other "Rowan"s they tested came in

they'd all survived but that wasn't surprising

these were from earlier tests using very safe doses

most had survived these tests in the test group

the Rowans along with random other test subjects

had survived with no lasting effects

of those in that category around 70% were Rowans

and there wasn't a single Rowan in those that had lasting problems

compared to other surnames it stood out like a sore thumb

there had to be a hereditary trait in that family line that was different

already however there was some doubt to that theory

if they had been taken from the same sample group

not everyone in the family is going to share the same surname

people get married after all

what if the other subjects that survived earlier are related

what if some that had lasting effects were related

what if some that died were related

the only real way to know was to investigate the Rowan subjects

maybe throw in those that had no lasting effects in for good measure

investigating the Rowans was hit with a major glitch at the start

you see the test were performed on two very separate groups

some were people local to the uk

but some were people from India

the name Rowan is middle-eastern in origin

so there were Rowans from each group

the not so dead woman was from India

and the man and his elder were from the UK

the Rowans of the previous test were a mixed bag of both

also they were of lots of different races

it was very unlikely they were related at all

some were people who got the name from marriage

some of those non-Rowans with no lasting effects

were in fact born as Rowans originally

interestingly however none of the ones with lasting effects

had ever been a Rowan

nor had the fatal tests had any dead Rowans as a result

even if you count those who were born with the name

but changed it later

there was something else that matched too

every one

the former and current Rowans from the previous tests

and the three other Rowans from the new tests

all had the same employment

they were farmers

it's not impossible thought the testers

samples were taken from rural areas

by chance these Rowans and former Rowans

might simply be people from farming backgrounds

they thought it weird that

they didn't get any from other sects of the community

no shopkeepers

there should have been at least some

shopkeepers made up a large percentage of the other subjects

large enough a percentage that

you would have expected some of these Rowans

to have that as an occupation

they all seemed to work the same group of farms

again that's not strange

take a sample from a specific area that's bound to happen

what's odd is that none of the other test subjects worked those farms

you'd think if they came from the same local area

some of these other test subjects would have worked there

especially since farmers made up a large portion of the group

what's going on

something's screwy here

there's a chance they're related and just have interracial couples

at least that was the theory for now

those hopes were dashed by the fact that some of the Rowans

were not even born as Rowans

some married into the name

but more oddly

most of these Rowans

were only Rowans

by deed poll

their lineages were completely and totally separate

they had no relation to each other at all

wait

but then

why were so many Rowans recovering so well from the tests

maybe since they all worked on the same farms

it has something to do with the workers' routine

maybe these farms had certain policies

certain practices the employees were performing

well that did turn out to be true at least

but there was a problem with that too

the non-Rowan subjects also followed similar practices

so that can't be the reason

the scientists started looking for any similarities among the Rowans

there were a lot

they all seemed to share similar ideologies

similar philosophies

similar beliefs

similar principals

mentally they were very alike

many even gave that as the reason for changing their surname

they felt like they belonged in the Rowan family

that they were different to other people

they felt at home around the Rowans

well that sounds like a cult

it might have been

they had strange ideas about animals

when they voiced them

these ideas seemed to annoy much of the staff

most of the scientists did not want to hear it

the things the Rowans said was not what science dictates

it would turn out later that science needed to be updated

somehow the Rowans knew things about animals

that would take scientists years to discover

the Rowans also worshipped a tree

i don't mean a figurative tree god or something like

they worshipped an actual real living tree

or more specifically or less depending on how you say it

not any one specific specimen

but a species

just one particular species

no other species

and not particular individuals of that species

any and all individual plants of one particular species

well scientists had seen something similar with animals before

or certain types of stone

but the tree thing was a new one

if not a cult it had to be some sort of faith or religion

it's not like this faith was too strict though

there were no places of worship

people didn't need to meet in groups

there weren't even any special words or symbols to represent it

it was just something everyone agreed to do

weird

what made things get even weirder

the test subjects with no lasting effects

many of them spoke about people praying to trees where they live

some had prayed themselves just out of novelty

some in times of desperation trying everything in a bad situation

most had never prayed to them at all

results were no different than anyone who prayed to things either

the scientists thought that maybe

the tree emitted a gas that affected their bodies

they'd seen that with other tree species

in those cases the tree gas just killed people though

not give them immunity to deadly substances

maybe over time

exposure strengthened the subjects against

the very stuff they were testing on the subjects

turned out that couldn't be true

many both Rowan and non-Rowan

had never even seen the species in person

they only knew it by word of mouth

some had even got the wrong species by mistake

but then when we asked about the prayers they made

a pattern started forming

regardless of who prayed

even if they didn't quite pray to the right thing

if they prayed for someone else's benefit

and that person they prayed for was a test subject

that test subject passed the tests in good health

and yes the woman and old man from the recent tests

had never been prayed about

there was also a test subject

that had been given a double dosage by mistake

he had died as a result

the test subject

had attempted tear down a tree

this tree matched the description

of the one everyone was praying to

it was blocking land development

and they victim hadn't interacted with the tree directly

he ordered its removal

other men attempted to remove it under his instruction

however they were chased away by locals

the odd thing is that the dosage was one of the safer doses

even doubling it shouldn't have killed the man outright

but it did

he should have survived with lingering health issues

at least that's what the data showed

based on the results of other tests

odd coincidence for him being the one to anger the tree cultists

maybe someone with a vendetta slipped something else in there

his death had been shocking to watch apparently

all the symptoms you'd expect but cranked up to 11

he died very quickly

his suffering wasn't worse than any of the other deaths

but it was much quicker

it looked more like it was a mercy killing

or someone just wanted him out of the way

as quick as humanly possible

his death was horrific to watch

but in reality not a bad way to go

other deaths people tend to see as more peaceful

the truth is they're worse

the subject is paralysed

so to the viewer it looks gentle

to the subject however it's a living hell

that's reality for ya

science tells us how it is

not what we think things should be

why the scientists felt the need

to go on this wild tangent

i don't know

sometimes you get weird results

sometimes you look too deeply into patterns and lose logic

there's a scientific explanation for everything

we just have to wait for science to catch up

humans are good at spotting patterns and trends

these trends often have logic to them

science itself has the reason for it

humanity does not

scientists test to find those causes

scientists don't know everything there is to know

maybe they never will

we have to put faith in the fact that

future generations will find the answer to this mystery

it's easy to believe in superstition

when scientists can't explain what's happening

patterns are noticed long before

the method by which they're made

becomes clear

a data anomaly such as this is just such an event

we have enough data to see a trend, a strong one

we don't have the right method to find out why

we stab at it with everything we know for sure

ultimately scientists just simply haven't found

all of the scientific discoveries

that are needed

to find the scientific reason

for the pattern they found in the tests

people can see the pattern and predict it

they might know what sets it in motion

but don't know the mechanics of it

they take a guess and maybe get somewhere close

then as most people do with such things

they fabricate the rest in a believable narrative

believable to some at least

their explanation seems plausible

given the science at the time

so some people start to believe it

when more scientific discoveries are made

the reason for the pattern becomes clear

people doubt it at first

they were grown up on their traditions after all

especially when science couldn't explain the pattern before

then

as people are able to test the new theory themselves

everybody understands in the end

the sun is not a ball of dung rolling across the sky

babies don't come from storks

we get these now but people used to believe in them for real

whatever made the Porton Down anomaly

we will understand in time

scientific discovery is consistent to that effect

#real world mystery #mystery #porton down

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[daedalmirage]

hakuoki || ch3 trial results || banri

Times like these make Banri wonder why he ever had the gall to paint about something like hope.

As the seasons turn to the next, as day gives way to night, as each score line of the count comes in. All their conclusions are certain, and all their change must come. Their lot had tried, yet again, to play smart, to defy the rules of the game, and here’s what that all became. In the confines of a cage, their captors’ll close whatever holes their captives slip out of; starve them, suffocate them, anything at all for hold on their claim. Their trick had been tried and the conclusion had arrived as it was due. Change the stage, throw the roll, Manako wins, see if God will let her pray.

This is it, it feels like, this is all it is, forever. The process by which they will dwindle, two by two, month by month, the dread sets in. It’d been Manako and Kosyak today, who knows who it’ll be come the next trial’s end. Tears and misery saturate the air, a killer found and their preemptive mourning, the palpable loss, the fearful, wet stares. Does Banri hold some personal share of today’s responsibility? That he did not try hard enough to dissuade Manako from the ways in which she talked about herself, tool before woman? That even his tiring work had not inspired nearly enough hope to put out the feverish curiosity that pushed Daisy to act? That he had not woken up just a bit earlier to stop someone, catch someone in the act?

In some sense, it had to be all of their faults. As it had been said, such is the result of their previous failure to act. Banri’s skin feels too tight, his heart is overrun, his face is not on right, there is something dark and terribly and guilty that he’s become. And he is sure, having given his vote to the option that had one, for not believing that a different ending was possible, he had thus contributed to it. Lashed out at friends that he had, gritted his teeth, and tried and failed to keep his head on straight. A conclusion to march to and a path before him and he took it. Took it, because, what other way forward could he pursue? What other way was there for this to play out? This was the fact of the matter: there was going to be one more death today, and Banri remembers that he is a fundamentally, essentially, terrible person.

There are no condolences for him to give. Reluctance, guilt, regret, they’re visible on every inch of his increasingly flimsy face, threatening to cave in. Voicing an apology to Daisy, or Manako, or any of them, it would only be pathetic, or some vein of embarrassing. He has no purchase, nothing to grab onto, nothing to offer to be held. A great moroseness leaks in through the floorboards, up to his ankles, then swamping his knees. Here breaks the fragile balance which had persisted in the air until this day, and whatever place of peace and betterment he thought he had come from was equally as flimsy. The fear and the fury burn through the trial room.

All of them. All three women, just the wrong place, the wrong time. Invisible choices which made this moment inevitable and preventable in hindsight. None of that can be helped, now. Nobody can come to help them, now. No respite, no revenge. A tangle of limbs, a system of pistons, the intense discomfort of being present for this tragedy in his own body. He raises his hand up, trembling, to push his glasses into place. And then it stays there. It droops. It splays to hide his pitiful face. No use. Nothing to be done about it.

Banri can only watch, listen, and resist the urge to vomit in the wake of Manako’s approaching fate.

#daedal mirage #ch3 #ch3 afterword #tezuka #submission