#george never looked as good as the others so I needed to redeem myself

[potato-lord-but-not]

bears in trees George he’s just like me fr

#the other times I drew the bit gang the ones of #george never looked as good as the others so I needed to redeem myself #traditional art #artists on tumblr #bears in trees #bears in trees band #bears in trees george #george berry #yellow #yellow art #yellow aesthetic

[lillian-nator]

I haveth returned to redeem myself: Tommy is anxious abt Phil being mad at him for sneaking out again, but he decides to text techno bc he and Tubbo needs picked up and they're very cold, Techno, realising he prob should be mad but not being mad after seeing Tommy and Tubbo just waiting for him and laughing and joking instead he just sighs and asks what stupid things Dream did at the party once they get in the car (blackmail purposes obviously) and just settles for seeing Tommy light up and tell him how Dream fell down the stairs, at least his brother is having fun, techno says to himself - 💙 (Tommy totally got made to clean technos room as thanks for not ratting him out)

Blue, you are my lord and savior. I have to answer your other ask after this - I don’t give you enough credit Blue. 

SO, Tommy keeps sneaking out because he can. He has only been caught two times. The one time he was high. And the time Techno caught him. 

All three of his brothers couldn’t imagine how much Tommy sneaks out, and then helps Tubbo out of his own window - I mean, Tommy probably learned how to pick locks at one point just because he can. They would never know that in the night, most of the time, Tommy is out and about, exploring abandoned buildings or chilling throughout the town. 

One of Tommy’s favorite activities to do when out at night is house hopping. It’s something that Punz came up with, where, usually Dream, sneaks out of their house, and then sneaks into somebody else’s. Then those two people sneak into another person’s house, and then the three of them go to the next. Everyone has to text the ‘gang’ to see who is awake and down for the game first, but it usually ends up with a good 7 - 9 kids just sneaking around at night, laughing their heads off when Ponk gets stuck in his window again. They end up stealing snacks from each respective house, and then going to chill in Dream’s house, because he has a soundproof room. 

Sometimes they bring scooters and skateboards too, which is always fun. George always seems to have a few spare scooters around for people who need them, and Tommy borrows Dream’s extra skateboard - a skill he picked up very fast with the help of Karl. 

We’re getting off topic here, the night that Tommy called Techno, he was at another one of Dream’s infamous parties. 

How Technoblade and Wilbur got cut out of the loop when the entire Senior and Junior class was invited to this party is unknown - but Tommy damn well knows that he asked Dream to keep it away from his brother’s circles. It wasn’t only him that would be affected, but Tubbo too since Eret is one of Wilbur’s closest friends. Hell, if either of his brothers caught wind of the party, Purpled probably wouldn’t be able to make it. Technoblade has his ways. 

So, it was very late at night. Maybe 2 or 3 - or maybe even 4 in the morning. It was cold. So fucking cold outside. Cold enough that he knew that he wouldn’t make it trying to walk all the way home. 

Purpled had already gone home, his house only down the block, but Tommy and Tubbo were stuck waiting outside. 

Tommy knew that Dream would let them stay the night. He knew that. George and Karl were sure to stay over. He thought he saw Quackity passed out on the couch next to Punz - and Tommy wasn’t sure, but he thought he saw SapNap sleeping in Dream’s room when he headed out the door. 

It’s not that Tommy didn’t have a place to stay. It’s that if he stayed here, he would have to admit to Phil, Wilbur, and Techno that he snuck out. And Tubbo, who was in a similar situation to him, would have to admit that he was sneaking out to his brother, Eret. 

Tommy did know one person who he could call - who was definitely sober enough to drive, unlike the teens in Dream’s living room - that might not tell on him, and who was the only person he knew that would be up this late in the morning. 

And honestly, a maybe, in that moment, was enough for Tommy to call. 

When Technoblade first received a call from Tommy, he was confused. 

Techno was sat in his bed, computer on his lap, deep in his English Essay, when Tommy called him. Confused, he picked up, what could Tommy want that he couldn’t have come two doors down for? 

“Techno?” Tommy asked and shuddered. There were cars behind him. 

“Where are you Toms?” Techno grunted, he knew for sure that Tommy was not in his bedroom. “Did you get stuck the roof again?” 

“Yeah.” Tommy laughed, sounding drunk off of his tiredness, but Techno knew that Tommy wouldn’t be able to speak if he was actually drunk, he was there the one time Tommy drank. “About that.” 

“You snuck out again didn’t you.” Techno groaned, why couldn’t Tommy just do what he was asked for once?

“You know me so well Technoblade!” Tommy cheered his tone dripping with sarcasm. “We are at Dreams. He had a big party - woo hoo. Can you come pick us up?” 

“Who is us?” Techno asked, intrigued, but slowly getting out of his bed.

“Me and Tubs. It’s cold Techno, can you please come pick us up?” He could hear the desperation in the blonde’s voice. 

“Yeah.” Techno sighed. “I’ll be there in 5.” 

Driving there was a debate. Techno was arguing whether or not he should tell Phil. On one hand, his 15-year-old brother was consistently sneaking out until ungodly hours of the morning, to go to parties and other stupid shit. Shit that should probably be stopped by Phil. On the other hand it was great blackmail material and -  

He looked out his window, to see the two boys on the stairs. Laughing their asses off. A fond smile played on his lips as Tommy seemingly doubled over in laughter, rolling on the ground. 

“Tommy get out of the grass, you’re gonna stain your fucking jeans.” Techno snorted  at the boys. 

They both eagerly looked up, and Techno could see how visibly cold they were. Their noses and cheeks red, their shoulders shivering, and their breath visible.

“Hurry up, get in. We can get some coffee or something to warm you guys up.” 

Tommy and Tubbo both hurriedly climbing into the backseat, sitting close for more warmth. Techno threw them both a hoodie that he grabbed on his way out of the house. 

“Tubbo I want that back on Monday at school.” 

Tubbo rushidly put it on, speaking faster with every breath. “Thank you Techno. Could you just drop me off though, I need time to get back in before Eret notices.” 

“Yeah sure Tubs. We’ll get there in a minute.” 

The trio continued the drive in silence, Techno not being one to start the conversation, and Tommy and Tubbo trying to warm themselves up. 

Techno stopped the car a block away from Tubbo’s house, knowing that the car lights would bring suspicion to Eret who may or may not be awake at this time of night. 

“Thank you so much Techno! I’ll be sure to give you the hoodie back on Monday.” Tubbo exclaimed. 

“You got it Tubbo.” Techno smiled in the boy’s direction. 

As soon as Tubbo shut the car door, Techno could hear shuffling as Tommy climbed over the bar, sitting himself in the passengers seat next to Techno. 

Tommy’s eyes were slightly closed, he could tell how tired the boy was. I mean, Techno had no way of knowing how many times a week this boy regularly skipped sleeping. Sleep deprivation would crush him sooner or later. His blonde hair was a mess, sticking up in multiple directions out of the hoodie that was two-sizes too big on him. 

It dawned on Techno that it was Wilbur’s hoodie.

“You wanna get some coffee? Maybe a snack?” Techno offered, putting his hand on the shift, and turning around the car to back out of the street. 

He watched Tommy’s eyes light up at the sound of food, and a warm drink. 

The blonde hummed, “Yes please.” 

It was odd, really, For Techno to see this kind of contentment on his brothers face. It was always rushed excitement, or some sort of anger. Recently, Tommy had been really good at keeping his emotion in check - keeping his face calm when he was angry, or staying quieter when he was excited. 

Techno guesses that it’s just a part of Tommy growing up. 

Something that he is not willing to admit is happening. Not yet. 

But still, it was strange to see the smile cross his brothers face without thought, the blonde subconsciously snuggling closer into the hoodie. 

Techno sighed, a smile finding a place on his own face, “Did you have fun?” 

Tommy’s eyes lit up, shy smile forming into a wide grin. “You should’ve seen it Techno it was so fun. You should’ve seen Dream - he was a fucking mess. Wait till you hear the stories, he fell down his own stairs. Twice!” 

A fond smile still playing on his lips as he pulled into the Dunkin’ Donuts Drive Through. 

On one hand, his 15-year-old brother was sneaking out, going with people he shouldn’t be with, to places he shouldn’t be, sacrificing the sleep that he desperately needs at his age. On the other, his little brother was happy. Really, really happy. 

“Okay.” Techno decided, cutting Tommy off. “I won’t tell Phil, or Wilbur.” 

“Wait really?” Tommy asked skeptically. 

“Yeah.” He ruffled Tommy’s hair. 

“Cool.” Tommy decided. Techno moved up a spot in the Drive Through. 

“But,” Techno grinned, “You have to clean my room.” 

Tommy sighed, his mouth becoming a firm line. “Okay.” 

“Okay?” Techno asked. 

“Yeah,” His mouth forming a shy smile again, “Deal.” 

With that Tommy stuck out his pink finger - something that he hadn’t done since he was 8 years old. 

Techno blinked, then locked his finger with the blue-eyed teen. 

Maybe the old Tommy wasn’t gone just yet. 

#tell me what you think of the au so far please #I put a lot of though into it #ask more questions #its a great time here #Of Younger Brothers and Longer Nights #ybln au #tommyinnit #technoblade #tubbo

[weasleyslag]

i could probably hit your baby mama

summary: Fred's death has been really hard on everyone, especially his pregnant fiancée. George creeps into her room in the middle of the night to retrieve something, and due to darkness combined with her grief, she mistakes George for Fred.

pairing(s): Fred Weasley/ f! Reader (past), George Weasley/Angelina Johnson

wc: 1573

warning(s): pregnancy, grief/mourning

a/n: Oh my god the tone of this story so does not match the title, but I couldn't help myself. I can’t believe I let a TikTok song about sex inspire me to write a grief fic.

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30626528

     You had been having a really hard time lately. Anyone could have guessed that. It was to be expected. Being in your third trimester of pregnancy was hard enough; it was infinitely harder when your partner had passed away. You didn’t have time to pause and mourn, your life was so hectic now. You had doctor’s appointments, maternity shoots, brunches and parties to accept your pregnancy. The doctor’s appointments were obviously a must, you would never dream of missing them, but the photos and parties? There was nothing you wanted to do less. You didn’t want to celebrate. Fred was gone. If it was up to you, there’d never be another party in the whole world ever again. But the Weasleys and all your friends wanted to celebrate and they were mourning too, so you didn’t want to let them down.

     The only person that had the same mentality of not wanting to move on and bring happiness back into their life was George. Sure, the others had lost a friend, a brother, a son, and that was devastating. But George and you had a bond with him that far surpassed that. George had immediately closed Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes (you had to convince him to not sell the space altogether) and locked himself in his room all day, only opening the door to talk to you or Angelina. Hell, Angelina practically had to force feed him in order to get him to eat. You felt like acting the same but it seemed for some reason, most likely your pregnancy, the others expected you to act differently. They wanted you to be the carrier of a beam of light at the end of the tunnel. And you supposed they were right, the twins you carried in your womb (you had never realized before you got pregnant how big the jump in percentage of carrying a twin pregnancy would be when twins ran in the family) were the one joy in a tragic situation. But that was them, not you. You wanted to stay in bed and cry all day. That luxury, however, was not provided for you. Therefore, most of your crying was done late into the night.

     It was close to 2am when George ventured out of his room one night. He didn’t like to be up when other people were around, lest they see the mess that he had devolved into. He creeped into Charlie’s old room that he had let you have. He was bored out of his mind, having read every book and comic in his room, so he was hoping that Charlie’s would have left some interesting books to read. Something about dragons, maybe, or really anything besides a silly romance novel.

     George tried his best to be silent, but as he tiptoed around your room, the floorboards creaked. George cursed under his breath and looked over to you. Sure enough, you were stirring.

“Sorry, I’ll be gone in a second. ‘M looking for a book.” He whispered, hoping that you would go back to sleep and that would be the end of the conversation.

You sat up, bleary eyed. “Fred?” You had always been the best at telling the twins apart but between the darkness in the room and the desperation to see your fiancée again, you mistook George for Fred.

George didn’t say anything. His heart broke for you. He knew he should say that no, it was him, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do so.

“Am I dreaming? Do you need to tell me something, is that why you’re in my dreams?” Your words dripped with hope and desperation.

George hesitated before affirming, “Ye-yes. That’s right.” He felt extremely awkward but you sounded so excited to be able to communicate with Fred again that he couldn’t bring himself to let you down.

“I missed you.” Tears ran down your face. “Only a few more weeks and then our babies will be born. The doctor said it’s a boy and a girl. I would have named the boy after you but I know George and Angelina want that to be their first son so I’m letting them have it. He’s really torn up, you should visit him too."

“I, um, yeah, I’ll talk to him.” It felt strange talking about himself like that. It was heartwarming, though, that even in this moment, you were thinking about him.

“Good. Just so you know, I remember what you said in our sixth year about not wanting me to move on if anything ever happened to you. And I’m not gonna.”

“That was just a joke, you don’t have to do that. I want you to be happy.” George tried to answer the way that Fred would.

“I would have only been happy with you. I love you. I wish you hadn’t left me to go help Harry and them. I know it’s selfish but I don’t care.” You shook as you sobbed. George walked over to your bedside and put his hand on your back.

“I had to do what I had to do. They needed me there.” George found himself getting choked up on his own words. He felt the same way as you, he wished Fred had never come down to Hogwarts that day.

“I know you would say that. What did you want to come here to tell me?”

“Just that I love you. And you’re gonna be a great mom.”

“Oh, Freddie. I know you wanted a big family and now we’ll never have that. She leaned her head onto George’s chest. “Every day is so hard” You admitted.

“I know, I know.”

“Come to bed with me.” You reached for George’s hand.

“To like, have sex?” George looked around the room frantically, not meeting his eyes with yours. Fred would have certainly jumped at the chance if he was there, but he was not Fred. George wanted you to be given peace but he could most definitely not go that far. Fred would probably find a way to strangle him from the afterlife and Angelina would cut his dick off.

“If you want,” you giggled “Or we could cuddle. Then you can feel my belly. It’s huge now, way bigger than when you last saw me. Hopefully you still think I’m pretty.”

“Of course you’re pretty. Here I-scoot over.” You made room for him.

     He laid down and placed his hands over your baby bump. “They’re already kicking!” He said, in genuine surprise.

“Yeah, body movements during the day lull them to sleep. At night is when they’re most active. It’s a pain in the ass, really. But I’m just glad they’re healthy.”

     George nodded. He looked at the ceiling, waiting for you to go to sleep. Then he could finally go back to his room.

Unfortunately, you were full of questions and affection. You wanted to get Fred up the speed with what had been going on with the people close to him. You babbled on and on about how tore up everyone was. How Charlie couldn't bring himself to leave the country again and slept on the couch every night, how Ginny slept with an old flannel of Fred's every night now, how Percy felt utterly responsible for his death and tried everything he could do to redeem himself, putting out new flowers at his grave each day and going to every single doctor's appointment with you (and read every pregnancy book under the sun, making it his mission to give you all the unsolicited advice he could think off, which annoyed you to no end). It took about an hour before you finally fell asleep, and as soon as you did, George gently removed his hands from you and got up out of the bed, before scurrying back to his room. He slammed the door behind him and faced his sleeping girlfriend.

“Angelina, you will NOT believe what just happened.”

                                                             ***

     At sunrise the next morning, George made another rare appearance. Molly was so excited to see him, even though he hadn’t showered for days and looked ragged. She ran over to give him a hug, which he gingerly accepted. He explained he wasn’t up to make small talk, he was going outside to visit the makeshift grave that their family had made for Fred. He wasn’t actually buried there, but the whole family felt better having the symbol of him at the Burrow and hoped that his spirit had followed. Molly was disappointed that her son didn’t want to stay up with her and talk, but she understood he was in pain and let him go.

Upon reaching Fred’s grave, George laughed nervously.

“So…” George began. He felt silly, what if Fred’s spirit couldn’t hear him? What if he was talking to nothingness. “I almost hit your baby mama last night.” He tried to make a lighthearted joke. A light drizzle started almost simultaneously with his words. He didn’t think that it was supposed to rain today.

    George laughed, taking the rain as a response from Fred. “I’m sorry, mate. Just trying to make a joke. You know I wouldn’t.”

“She really misses you. Hell, we all miss you. I wish you had become a ghost instead of moving into the afterlife. But it’s okay. Although if you still change your mind and do that, go right ahead.” George’s voice cracked and a tear ran down his cheek. “Please.”

#fred weasley #fred weasly x reader #george weasley #angelina johnson #george x angelina #harry potter #harry potter fic #hp

[overobsessedfanboy23]

Why I Can’t Read the Harry Potter Series the Same Way Anymore

 (I know this is different from the stuff I usually post on this blog but… frankly I wrote three pages to vent about this and I wanted to publish it somewhere so just bear with me.)

So, I know what this looks like. However, this is not because of the… real life misgivings of J.K. Rowling. As a trans person myself, yes, she is transphobic. Also, she lies about what her books actually contain to seem more progressive than she actually is, like claiming Hermione was always black when she was described and pictured as white in the books and then played by Emma Watson in the movies that Rowling was personally involved with the production of. But that’s not what I’m here to argue because frankly, that’s an old argument and while it does taint my view of the author, it’s not what taints my view of the books.

I should preface this with this: I don’t hate Harry Potter. I read all the books and watched all the movies. I was an active fan of the series for a long time and I still enjoy the world and the characters. Heck, I still sort my friends and characters into Hogwarts houses for the fun of it. However, overtime, some of my issues with this series have started to weigh on my mind more and more as I’ve gotten older. I mentioned the Hogwarts Houses, which while it’s fun to sort characters outside of Harry Potter into these houses, the way they’re handled in the series is lazy at best and problematic at worst. First off, nearly every good character is in Gryffindor, while Slytherin is almost entirely made up of villains. Gryffindor is the designated good house where all the “brave” people go when barely anyone there actually embodies the house traits, besides Neville, Hermione, and maybe Harry. If you wanted a variety of personalities in one place, maybe you shouldn’t have made your sorting system based on personality!

In fact, here’s a whole list of characters who should not be in Gryffindor:

-Ron Weasley (Hufflepuff. He’s super loyal to the point where him leaving his friends in the final book felt out of character)

-Fred and George Weasley (Slytherin, they are some of the most ambitious, cunning characters in the whole series. Opening a joke shop IS an ambition and is a great example of a non-evil ambition.)

-Ginny Weasley (Also ambitious with her Quidditch to the point of spending years sneaking out to practice on a broom before she attended Hogwarts.)

-Percy Weasley (Ambition is his whole thing. He’s even a darker side of ambition. Him coming back to his family would be more meaningful if he were a Slytherin!)

-Dumbledore (Ravenclaw or Slytherin. He manipulated the ever-loving hell out of Harry, which I’ll get to, and is known as clever, wise, and a little eccentric. Either house could’ve been a better fit for him than Gryffindor.)

-Hagrid (Either Hufflepuff or Slytherin. Hufflepuff seems like the best fit for his current personality but Slytherin makes the most sense considering his backstory and history with Tom Riddle. The SuperCarlinBrothers made a really good video explaining this called “What House Was Hagrid in.” Go watch that.)

Leading into my next issue with the Hogwarts Houses, I have a serious issue with how Slytherin house is represented.

This has been said multiple times but the fact that every single Slytherin in the series is either evil (Voldemort, Bellatrix), assholes (Draco, Snape), morally gray (Slughorn, Regulus Black), or not in the core seven books (Albus Potter, Scorpious Malfoy, and Merlin), is extremely problematic. It makes the line between good and evil incredibly obvious and clear cut, with hardly any effort to blur those lines. The closest thing we got, especially in the author’s eyes, was Snape, who was not redeemed. He just wasn’t. He was a bully to his students, emotionally and physically, to the point where Neville’s biggest fear was him, and yet it’s suddenly all okay because he was in love with Harry’s deceased mother? That’s not how this works. His actions are not suddenly all okay because of that and frankly, he didn’t do enough to warrant saying he redeemed himself, besides indirectly letting Harry know that he needed to die to defeat Voldemort through the memories in the Pensieve, which just isn’t enough. Draco had more of a redemption and frankly proved he had good in him, yet we never got a true redemption from him because apparently all Slytherins are evil. Sure, there is a total of… one evil Gryffindor: Peter Pettigrew, who is pretty awful, but is there a single fully good Slytherin? No, they’re all either assholes, dabbled with evil, or are full on evil. Not only is it basic black and white morality, but it’s also downright harmful. The kids are sorted into their houses by their personalities and values. Some of the Slytherin traits are ambition, cunning, cleverness, resourcefulness, and leadership qualities, all pretty positive traits. The thing that divides these houses are their traits and values, so this is sending a message that traits such as “ambition,” “cleverness,” or “resourcefulness” are bad or evil, when they’re not. This is especially problematic when you remember that there is an official Wizarding World quiz that sorts you into a Hogwarts house based on your personality and likes and one of the houses you can get is this designated evil house. So if kids take this quiz and get Slytherin, they’re going to be disappointed and possibly think they’re evil. I’m especially annoyed at “ambition” ALWAYS being represented as a negative trait. That’s not just a Harry Potter problem but it still bothers me. Having aspirations and the guts to pursue them is not a bad thing, having evil aspirations is a bad thing. Ambition is a purely neutral trait, it can be positive or negative depending on what you’re pursuing yet it’s only ever shown as a “villain” trait.

(Look at this wonderful tweet I found while looking for images for this by the way:)

(Way to be even more blatant that you hate Slytherins and also have a poor understanding of racial issues. Speaking of which...)

This series tries to tackle racism… and it didn’t do it well. At all. It didn’t even tackle racism itself, it used elements of its magical world as an allegory for racism and these allegories just don’t work. The two that are most well-known are the wizard/muggle tension and the house elves as a whole. The pureblood purists are essentially an allegory for white supremacists, which has some troubling implications since wizards are literally genetically superior to muggles. Even if it’s not an objective fact, the books do imply that wizards are better than muggles from the story alone so this racial allegory doesn’t work when you’re saying one side is more powerful or better! The house elves are even worse. Their entire species is enslaved to these “genetically superior wizards.” In fact, if I remember correctly, house elves are enslaved mostly by rich pureblood families like the Malfoys and the Crouch’s, similar to slavery in the real world. But apparently, the house elves are happy to be enslaved (besides Dobby, who died) and were insulted when Hermione tried to free them. Winky in particular was horrified when she was freed by her master, treating it like a horrible punishment. Surely I don’t have to say how messed up that is.

Finally, my biggest problem with the Harry Potter series and the main reason I can’t stomach reading or watching them anymore, is the treatment of Harry himself. Harry was abused by the Dursleys. This is not me reading too into the book of reinterpreting anything, this is what is told to us directly. Harry is thin from being underfed in the first book, was forced to live in the cupboard under the stairs for eleven years, is frequently yelled at and berated by the Dursleys, heck Petunia and Vernon practically encourage their son to beat up Harry and frequently show favoritism to Dudley over Harry to an absurd degree. They make it clear to Harry that they don’t want him there. They also lock him in his room in the second book, literally boarding up the window and not letting him leave, passing him soup cans under the door. And all of this is just off the top of my head. Dumbledore left Harry in this environment. Dumbledore is fully aware of how Harry is being treated. Harry’s acceptance letter into Hogwarts literally has the address “the cupboard under the stairs” written on it. Yet they leave him in this physically and emotionally abusive and neglectful environment because the Dursley’s treatment somehow humbled him and made him the hero the wizarding world needed. Let me repeat that loud and clear: Harry is a hero because he endured abuse. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. I don’t care what your justification is, it is never a good thing to leave a child in an abusive situation. You are not good or noble or heroic or anything for staying with people who hurt you. And it’s not just Dumbledore. I understand that Harry living with Sirius wasn’t much of an option with him on the run from Azkaban and then dying in book 5 but what about the Weasleys? Why do they let him return to the Dursleys when they know full well what he’s going through there after Fred, George, and Ron bust him out? Oh yeah, he can’t leave because Lily’s love spell protects Harry when he’s in a blood relative’s house. He doesn’t have any other choice. This is a lazy excuse from the story to justify Harry staying with his abusers and frankly, doesn’t even work since he’s constantly trying to avoid his house, a pretty common response to domestic abuse by the way. So it’s not “protecting” him, even by that stupid logic. Harry was left with and forced to return to the Dursleys year after year solely because he’s the chosen one and needed to be put through hell because abuse apparently molds people into heroes and if Harry was even a little arrogant, he wouldn’t be a hero. And he wouldn’t have been prepared to die to Voldemort to destroy the horcrux in him. The story is framed in a way that glorifies Harry for being abused and I despise it. Dumbledore used Harry as a tool to defeat Voldemort, never taking his feelings into account and he’s just forgiven for all of this in the end. Everyone says Harry shouldn’t have named his kid after Snape? What about Dumbledore? Harry basically named his child after two of his biggest tormentors. It sickens me. It’s like the series is supporting and glorifying abuse, even if that wasn’t the intent of the author (and I doubt it was, since she was abused herself) that is how it feels. So yeah, I can’t really enjoy Harry Potter anymore the way I used to.

(On a side note, I hate “destiny” stories and Harry Potter is a good example of a terrible destiny themed story. Harry didn’t have a choice in anything. He was just forced into this scenario and twisted by the plot to be what it “needed” him to be, having no agency of his own. Great inspiring hero. -_-)

#harry potter #harry potter books #harry potter movies #slytherin #gryffindor #hp #albus dumbledore #severus snape #fuck both of them #the movies are decent adaptations honestly #I wouldn't mind watching them if they were on #but I wouldn't go out of my way to watch them #or even read the books #the fanwork is better than the series 90% of the time honestly #like lupin and sirius raising harry #that's a great AU

[that-bi-bitch-writes]

The Rumor Around Hogwarts (Ch.4)

Chapter Four: The Train Ride There

1k+ Words a lot of it is taken from the book but as always I added a lot of [Name] in to make it.... chaotic and slightly angsty

Still uses he/him pronouns for now and later addition of they pronouns will be announced before the chapter. Hope you Enjoy!!!

Last  //  Next

“What the actual hell- Ow, heck i meant heck.” [Name] choked out while rubbing the back of his head

“Mhm sure you did”

“Anyway you mean to tell me I have to run at a wall.”

“Yup”

“In a muggle train station”

“Yes”

“In the middle of the day?”

“Look, do you want to go to Hogwarts or not?”

“I mean I do but-”

“If you don’t you’ll only disappoint Harry” [Mother’s name] interrupted

[Name] hesitated before responding “I’m sure he’ll be fine he like defeated an evil lord as a baby of course he can run at a wall and make other friends”

“[Name] if you miss the train I’m not taking you to school myself”

And just as [Name] seemed like he’d be okay with that aspect (anything to not embarrass himself in public really) all his hopes were completely crushed

“And I’m not taking you back home to ride on the house elf express”

“Okay but if I die or embarass myself I’m gonna have to find a way to jinx you or something. Maybe i’ll tell that weird muggle mailman you find him cute and force you to flee the country”

“You wouldn’t”

“That’s what you think”

[Name] seemed to gather the courage of all his ancestors (may they rest in peace) and ran straight at the obvious death trap. He had a chosen one to meet after all. He closed his eyes right before impact only to have his senses assaulted by the sounds and sights of something completely unexpected

‘Wow' he whispered under his breath

“I told you so”

“Alright alright I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. But I mean you’re not exactly the most trustworthy. If I needed someone to help me cover up a crime maybe, but a prank that could end in bodily harm..”

[Mo. Name] pretended not to hear a word as she fussed over [Name], the train departing soon. She’s a mother, she couldn’t help it. After running down a long list of things [Name] should have (And did) pack in his trunk she gave a forehead kiss and pushed him off to the trains. As he got on she did the unthinkable.

“Bye baby!! Momma loves you. Tell Peeves I said Hi’

Yeah [Name] definitely wasn't gonna be popular now. At least… not in a good way. There’d be rumors around hogwarts. And he’d be in the center of them.

          ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harry sat alone in an empty compartment after all the hustle and bustle that came with parents seeing their children off for the first time. And could’ve sworn he had heard someone say something about being peeved. Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted when the door of the compartment slid open and the youngest red headed boy he had seen earlier came in.

“Anyone sitting there?” he asked, pointing at the seat opposite Harry. “Everywhere else is full.”

Harry shook his head and the boy sat down. He glanced at Harry and then looked quickly out of the window, pretending he hadn’t looked. Harry saw he still had a black mark on his nose.

“Hey, Ron”

The twins were back

“Listen we’re going down the middle of the train- Lee Jordan’s got a giant tarantula down there.”

“Right,” mumbled Ron.

“Harry,” said the other twin, “did we introduce ourselves? Fred and George Weasley. And this is Ron, our brother. See you later then.”

“Bye” said Harry and Ron. the twins slid the compartment door shut behind them.

“Are you really Harry potter?” Ron blurted out

Harry went to nod but the compartment door slammed open once again

“Harry there you are. Thank God I found you.” [Name] gasped out “My mother totally embarrassed me as I was getting on the train screaming about someone named Peeves and she called me BABY. Anyway I’ve been trying to find you without drawing to much attention to you or myself.”

Harry had wondered how [Name] had said so much in one breath. He didn’t know [Name] to be particularly talkative. He of course had his moments when he’d stand up for someone but Harry had always seen name as a little bit of a worrier or an outsider like himself.

“Sorry." [Name] said almost as if he read Harry’s mind “It’s the nerves. I’m super glad that you’re not alone but I’m also jealous I didn’t get to you first.” [Name] continued as he moved to sit next to Harry.

“What were we talking about? Oh yeah he was asking about your chosen one status which is kind of cool and lame at the same time. Is that offensive?”

“Have you really got - you know?” He pointed at Harry's forehead.

Harry pulled back his bangs to show the lightning scar. Ron stared. And surprisingly [Name] did too.

“Y’know as close as we are for two people who only met twice, I realized I haven’t gotten a good look at you Harry.” [Name] realized turning all of his attention on the resident Chosen One

Harry and [Name] stared at each other for a moment. [Name] was curious as to who the boy who lived really was and why he was drawn to him. It was like they were meant to meet up. At the Zoo, in Diagon Alley and now hopefully they would remain on the same path at Hogwarts too.

Harry on the other hand was staring at [Name] in appreciation. They were strangers, yet [Name] came to Harry’s rescue so naturally. Ron was to be a good friend to Harry, he’s sure of it, but it was different with [Name]. Their friendship wasn’t founded on titles, or reputations, or anything but mutual respect and destiny perhaps? If he were more naïve he might’ve attributed this feeling to a crush.

“So that’s where You-Know-Who-? Ron interrupted the staring contest

“Yes” said Harry “but I can’t remember it”

“Nothing?” Ron said eagerly.

“Well- I remember a lot of green light, but nothing else.

[Name] got incredibly bored of the topic, not really keen on discussing Voldemort’s attack on Harry so he began looking out the window like the main character. Only catching flashes of the conversation and adding his own commentary when appropriate. Apparently Ron had 5 brothers and a little bit of “a lot to live up to” but being friends with the chosen one was sure to give him some stories to tell..

[Name] didn’t interrupt with much about his family because he’d already talked about his embarrassing mother and there was nothing else to talk about but his incredibly large and empty house which would have made him a little uncomfortable and slightly awkward. Y’know since he was talking to an orphan and a poor kid with a huge family. How could either of them relate?

What he did however pay attention to was Harry’s bravery and generosity. Apparently he was only a little bit of an oblivious idiot. Sure he proudly said Voldemort’s name (a trend [Name] hoped to follow) but he was smart enough to realized in the wizarding world at least he was rich and could splurge a little bit on the less fortunate *ahem* Ron *ahem*

“Go on, have a pasty” said Harry, who had never had anything to share before or, indeed, anyone to share it with. It was a nice feeling, sitting there with Ron, eating their way through all Harry’s pasties, cakes, and candies (the sandwiches lay forgotten.)

“What are these?” Harry asked Ron and [Name] holding up a pack of chocolate frogs. “They’re not really frogs, are they/” He was starting to feel that nothing would surprise him

“No” said Ron “But see what the card is. I’m missing Agrippa”

“He has no idea what you’re talking about, look at his face” [Name] laughed out. Ron followed his line of sight and chuckled at Harry’s confused face as well.

“Oh, of course, you wouldn’t know - Chocolate frogs have cards inside them, you know to collect - famous witches and wizards. I’ve got about five hundred, but I haven’t got Agrippa or Ptolemy.”

Both Harry and [Name] removed the cards from the chocolate frogs. Harry got Dumbledore which set his curiosity aflame once again. [Name] kept his a secret for dramatic effect of course. After answering his questions Ron asked for a chocolate frog as well only to get Morgana.

“Well Ron” [name] started “if you show me a trick, I’ll give you this” flipping over the card Ron’s eyes went wide at the sight of a Ptolemy card.

After a long conversation about the dangers of eating Bertie's ever flavored beans (which [name] would never even touch) Ron eventually worked up the courage to perform a spell when the toadless boy from earlier appeared, but this time he had a girl with him. She was already wearing her new Hogwarts robes.

“Has anyone seen a toad? Neville’s lost one,” she said. She had a bossy sort of voice, lots of bushy brown hair and rather large front teeth.

“We’ve already told him we haven’t seen it,” said Ron, but the girl wasn’t listening, she was looking at the wan in his hand.

‘Oh god.’ [name] said to himself as the girl’s thoughts assaulted him and drowned out the obvious awkward silence in the car ‘this girl may have redeeming qualities, or at least I’m hoping she does but she needs to get over herself’

“Oh, are you doing magic? Let’s see it, then.”

She sat down. Ron looked taken aback

“Er- alright” he cleared his throat

“Sunshine daises, butter mellow, Turn this stupid fat rat yellow”

He waved his wand but nothing happened. Scabbers stayed gray and fast asleep.

“Are you sure that’s a real spell? Said the girl. “Well it’s not very good, is it? I’ve tried a few simple spells just for practice and it’s all worked for me. Nobody in my family’s magic at all, it was ever such a surprise when I got my letter, but…

[Name] having heard most of this speech in his head already tried to tune her out and gave a snort at the end of her rambling when Harry and Ron looked at each other incredulously. Only a little offended when he heard Harry's comparison of Hermione to the nervous [Name] earlier

They all introduced themselves but Harry’s introduction led her on another tangent about him not looking himself up as if this was a common thing to do?? Then she asked what houses they thought they’d be in before leaving, taking the toadless boy with her. Poor Neville.

“Whatever house I’m in, I hope she’s not in it”

“I doubt we’ll be in the same house Ron” [Name] realized “you’ll probably be in whatever house your brothers are in”

“Gryffindor” Ron spoke up

“Right, and Harry will probably be with you where as I’ll end up in Slytherin probably”

The car went silent a bit before [name] spoke up again “I know what you’re thinking. Literally. I never had a Ptolemy card. I only said that because I wanted to show off my powers as a legilimens. I can see into your mind basically and I made you see what I wanted you to see. Don’t worry though I won’t like brainwash you or anything. Wouldn’t want to be a typical Slytherin and end up a dark wizard.

[Name] got ready to flee the cart after that whole speech and he could tell Ron felt kind of guilty but [Name] couldn’t risk Harry hating him. He was going to the house that produced Voldemort after all. He rushed out of the cart as some blond entered probably because Hermione had spread the rumor about seeing the chosen one.

Before [Name] knew it he was facing his newest worst enemy. The sorting hat.

#the rumor around hogwarts #hp x male reader #male reader #harry potter x y/n #harry potter x nonbinary reader #harry potter x male reader #harry potter x reader #that bi bitch writes #non binary reader #nonbinary reader insert #reader insert

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Drag Me to Hell (Raimi, 2009)

This review contains spoilers.

I didn't see Drag Me to Hell when it first came out, but I do remember there being a fair bit of anticipation in my internet circle around the return of Sam Raimi to the horror genre. You see, there was a fair bit of commiserating around the state of the horror genre at the time, what with all the PG-13 and torture porn (but alas, no PG-13 torture porn) and a general consensus that what horror movies really needed was for an old hand to come back and show the kids how it's done. (Of course, Wes Craven and George Romero had made well received movies within the decade, and there were good movies from the young'uns as well, but I suppose that's not enough. You will also forgive me for oversimplifying these discussions, as they occurred on the Rotten Tomatoes message boards, which no longer exist as they were unceremoniously flushed down the toilet a few years ago, so I can't exactly go back and check that I've characterized them accurately.) And looking back, I can see why this was the overarching sentiment. I wouldn't call myself a huge fan of Raimi's Spider-Man movies, but I do appreciate that they (at least the first two; never saw the third) manage to have distinct personalities despite being mass-marketed IP-driven studio product, which feels increasingly rare these days. (Also, full disclosure: seeing the first one eight times across four different flights during a summer vacation led a ten-year-old me to develop a Godzilla-sized crush on red-headed Kirsten Dunst. Okay, maybe I like the first one.) So now that I've seen it, and have spent all these words talking about things only tangentally-related to the movie, what do I think?

It's pretty good, but I'll cite some of the reception selectively before going straight to my thoughts if you don't mind. I'm seeing a lot of reviews referring to this being a morality tale and to Raimi's old school influences, which I think is on the money. I think by 2009 Universal productions had switched to a computer generated logo, so seeing the old, grainy filmic one telegraphed to me that it would be a bit of a throwback. But what I was not entirely prepared for (likely from limited knowledge of the film's premise) was how much it was grounded in our current economic realities. This was made in 2009, when the wounds of the Great Recession were still fresh, and the movie concerns a heroine turning down an old woman's request to extend her mortgage, dooming her to the loss of her house and financial ruin.

Raimi does a tricky thing here. The old woman is Romani, which is in line with his influences, and she's excessively othered and depicted even a bit repulsively, with her glass eye, chipped fingernails and habit of putting her teeth in a handkerchief on the table. In the wrong hands this could seem incredibly retrograde in its racism, but I think he wants us to see the character through the heroine's eyes. The heroine goes to her boss, who dangles a promotion over her and tells her it would be real good for the bank if she didn't extend the mortgage and he's sure she'll make the right decision. At this point, seeing her client as less than human, she decides to turn her down, leading her client to put a curse on her which we see play out over the rest of the movie. The queasy racial aspects are also redeemed by Raimi's more compassionate depiction of the woman's family during her funeral, leading me to believe he's actually interrogating the racism of his influences. Interestingly, many of the characters are people of colour, including a psychic to whom the heroine turns for help, and the heroine's rival. Ebert points out that the psychic is named after Ram Dass, who was actually white, and the rival, played by an Asian American actor, has the extremely Caucasian-sounding name of Stu Rubin. I'm not entirely sure what exactly the commentary is concerning these auxiliary characters, but there is something there.

Back in those days there was a fair bit of debate about the extent to which the financial crisis was caused by overarching systemic factors or the actions of individual bad actors. Raimi's movie doesn't depict explicit financial wrongdoing, but does show how the dehumanizing effects of capitalism and how it incentivizes people to fuck each other over. (The concept of moral hazard was something that permeated public discussion at the time, and while Raimi doesn't depict it exactly, I think he captures the spirit of it pretty well and in terms most people can relate to.) But at the same time, this is a morality tale, and Raimi isn't so eager to let the heroine off the hook for her decision. The movie subjects her to all sorts of torture, not just viscerally in the vein of his Evil Dead movies, but also socially (bombing with her boyfriend's parents) and professionally (her boss shifting his preference to her rival in the office), the latter of which has a certain modern resonance perhaps not explored by Raimi's influences. I've seen references to the ending being cruel, but given that the heroine's attempt at an out involves trying to damn a dead woman's soul to hell (after screwing her over in this life as well), the outcome seems like she's being held accountable for her decisions. That she seems like a nice person makes it sting all the more, as Raimi astutely observes that most people making these decisions don't see themselves as bad people.

All of this is delivered in a highly entertaining manner, with Raimi proving that the PG-13 rating doesn't necessarily mean that horror movies will be neutered and lacking in potency. I recently rewatched the Scream series and was struck by how Craven was able to wring a visceral impact out of a slick studio production values. Raimi updates the Evil Dead approach for a studio context, with an emphasis on stuntwork, special effects, pleasingly disgusting touches (an eyeball in a cake, gumming the heroine's face, vomiting, bugs) and bruising camera moves, although in one of the movie's bigger set pieces, I was a little unmoved when a possessed character started dancing. Perhaps the joke was too obvious (full disclosure: I'm lukewarm on Army of Darkness, the broadest of the Evil Dead films), but I also think a little something is lost when you pour this much money into a style repurposed from movies whose low budgets induced a certain claustrophobia. That being said, that was maybe a single moment when the movie missed for me. For the rest of the runtime, it's a pretty relentless and surprisingly thoughtful work of visceral horror.

#film #movie review #drag me to hell #sam raimi

[jojoreadwhat]

yeah, maybe that could be our thing; What do ya think? / honey & smoke - m.h. x OFC story

Warning: Sexual Content.

Lucy's POV.

I turned down and around the wall of North wing. The cafe's seating filled with the many students cramming in studying and overdosing on coffee. Which I seen myself doing in the comforts of my room later on.

I scanned the room till I seen that boy running through my mind. His light blue denim jacket lounging on the back of the wingback. His hair bunched into a bun with his thin rimmed grandpa glasses resting on brim of his. Watching him sigh when his black and white striped shirt roused from his chest.

Sitting at the window where I would find myself glancing out of with his lips beginning to latch onto the rim of his coffee. His black holy knee crossed over the other, finally looking back into the direction where I was walking towards him. Sharing the same smile at sight and maybe the butterflies that fluttered under my sweater.

"Hey there" He smiled, straightening up his posture as I sat down. My bag making a big thud to the blue carpet we stood on.

I smiled shyly, then. "Sorry. Professor Helm caught me in the hall." Bringing out the book for our class together. His warm chuckle lighting up the tardiness before setting down a paper cup.

"Quite alright." He reassured, then. "Didn't want it to get cold." I blew a soft kiss before my lips met the warm liquid sleep. Looking down at my lap as I turned the page, as my other hand kept warm. Looking up at Matty's espresso eyes, the browns and golds dancing around the pupils in confusion.

"What?" I questioned, trying to figure what he was thinking. "What are you doing?" He asked, his loose curls falling as his eyes laid on my lap. "Going to study.." I replied skeptically as I noticed his books never came into view. Realizing that Matty was never going to pull them out either.

He chuckled taking the book from my lap, "You're quite funny, Lu." He said, then. "You're definitely not studying right now."  Closing it between his calloused fingers. "And definitely not tonight."

"We're playing at Moes tonight." He explained, "I want to see you there."

I sighed, "But I have so many exams tomorrow-" He shook his head, at my protesting "Yeah, and you're going to ace them." I was defeated, I had confidence I would. Just the more I thought about not analyzing the books till they were embedded under my eyelids kind of freaked me out that I'd lose that confidence.  

"If you come out tonight, I'll help you with notes." He said proposing his ultimatum. Already knowing that I would stay the night again without questioning and sincerity swirled in his eyes. I bit my lip, rolling my eyes as his face failed hardly to conceal a smile.

Just then Matty's tall frame sprouted from the wingback, bending down to kiss my temple. "I'll see you at 7." He exited with my textbook still under his arm.

"Hey, I need that!" I called out to Matty victoriously looking back. "You won't be needing it tonight."

++

Moes was your average bar in the middle of London. Walking into the musks of booze and over smoked cloves. Loud and packed wall to wall with people of ranging ages. Neon lights cascading and setting moods throughout. Admiring as the place was bouncing. Falling for Matty's voice at each note, but not as much as I was falling for Matty himself.

The noodle frolicking around the stage as he sang the chorus of Heart Out. Getting close to George's drums between lyrics, coming back to the center in full force. His eyes meeting mine with a wink as I sang along to the song he had burn onto a cd a week before.

Little did I know that the lines of each textbook I've consumed in the matter of weeks. Washed away from a wave of cool with each sip of rum and coke. My hips swaying from the bantering strums of Matty and Adam's guitars. My skirt rising like the twirl of a rose in the wind. I was living. My arms over my head, making friends with the space above.

The boys had closed with the contagious breakdown of 'Sex' leading the place barely steady and moving on their feet.

"Thank you! Have a good one everybody!" Matty closed, throwing a guitar pick before the boys and him had headed towards the back of the stage. Moving through the big crowd till the bar had come into view.

I caught the bartender ordering myself another drink, an older man possibly reaching my dad's age as greys played peek-a-boo through his brown hair. Nodding to the switch of the satellite trying to compare to the number the boys had made.

They were growing by the minute, the stage set becoming a bit more organized. The sound became more new and profound, I was quite a fan and not because I was the 'singer's girl'. Their sound held a soundtrack to need of adventure, fitting well with the aesthetic the boys had held too.

I was lightly mouthing the words to the classic sounds of Boston. When the familiar pair of hands wrapped around my waist and those soft pouty lips met my temple. A little giggled slipping from my lips.

"I like when you sing back to me." He whispered, then. His hands resting in my lap comfortably as the rest of the boys took stance on each side of us. Ordering a round, animatedly speaking of the turnout and how the bar owner was offering them to be house band.

Ross had other plans, discussing how there were boozes left over in the cabinet above the toaster. Soon finding ourselves walking the avenue till we turned down the little street where their flat was.

Having all intentions of sitting on the small sofa near the front window finishing the wine Matty poured for me. Matty held up his end of the deal, taking two bottles of wine off the buffet before slipping his hand in mine and leading me to his room.

++

I paced in front of Matty's bed. My hand clasping on the nearing ends of the wine bottle. My other holding onto the cliffnotes of Brave New World hidden in the back room, collecting dust as they were going to be put to use to pass this exam. That I was able to get passed Matilda's nose.

Sighing when the notes of a book I quite enjoyed started becoming a bit of a pest. I laughed at his frustration when he read along the lines of the textbooks, commenting how complete shit this class really was. Signaling that the past hour and a half of being cooped in here was beginning to drain.

"Break?" Matty suggested. I shrugged, pulling up the seat near his window till I sat it in front of his bed. Resting my feet on the edge of it as I watched Matty walk to his nightstand before pulling out a perfectly rolled spliff.

Taking a seat back in front of me before lighting the green wrapped in light brown. Admiring Matty's cheeks sink in as he inhaled, taking a few puffs before handing it to me. Feeling between my fingers. Inhaling as I slouched back in the chair, closing my eyes. Letting the thick smoke reel around my lungs before exhaling it.

Opening them, meeting the ember glass of Matty's who was smirking at me. "That was pretty." He remarked, placing his hand on my ankle that sent chills to my spine. Little did he know he was pretty one here.

His white barely buttoned shirt at the top as the words 'true love' and 'Annie' were visible. Hanging loosely over his small, yet toned build. His dark chocolate curls disarrayed from the repeated notion of his fingers running through it. His lips looking glossy after every graze his tongue made over them. I found myself staring, Matty not minding as he took hold of the spliff again.

With the mixture of notes jotting through my mind and the way Matty looked tonight. One question kept creeping into my mind, not giving any warning as it rolled off my tongue.

"Matty?" I called, a flat sound vibrating from his lips as he looked at me again.

I bit my lip, feeling my stomach beginning to turn. "Would you come to New York with me?" Leaving my mouth without second guessing. Watching Matty's eyes grow a bit wide and a light ripple slip from them.

I shook my head, a flood of many reasons filling to the brims of my thoughts. A light chuckle falling from my own as I felt embarrassed that I even asked. Not even thinking that he might have plans already or that was just far too much a rush of things.

"Sorry, you probably have some dinner with your family." I tried redeeming, taking a sip of the wine again.

Looking back at him as that same smile kept curl. "A lavished party with high end actors is not a family dinner, Lucy." Recalling all the late night talks about his family who were actors and lived a upper crust type of world. My small town world being one that Matty probably would never set foot into.

I was standing up now, gazing at the books along Matty's bookshelf. "What if they don't like me?" His voice pierced the silence that was lingering a bit. I chuckled at his cliche of a question, "They'll like you." I reassured, then. "My brother asked to meet you after I told him you were in a band."

"What about your dad?" He questioned again, bringing up a person I hadn't thought about when it came to this idea in the first place. Kind of wishing I never brought up the question to begin with. Subsiding when I knew how I was feeling for Matty and I didn't want to keep it hidden any longer.

"If you're worried that he won't like your tattoos. He has three." Trying to figure out why he was questioning all this in the first place, when all he had to say was no.

Matty let out another raspy laugh, "That's far from what I'm worried about." He remarked.

I turned around to face Matty again, his eyes gazing up at mine. "We all have skeletons in the closet you know." Walking towards him till I was standing between his knees.

"The difference is whether or not you invite them out to dance." I finished, my pink color nails running through his hair, pushing the curls that fell over his brow for them to move back again. His eyes closing to the touch.

Matty placed his hands around my waist, pulling me closer as they rested above my bum criss crossed. "Did you write that, blue?" He said, blush rising over my cheeks as my hands fell to his shoulders. Nodding.

"That isn't it either." He said a notch just above a whisper. Observing as he took his lip between his teeth. Following his eyes as they trailed from my blues. To my lips and my neck.

"Then what is it?" I questioned, beginning to feel frustration. I was just about to pull away when those same arms had my back meeting the bed. Matty's dark chocolate eyes peering down to mine as he hovered over me. His one hand resting on my hip as the other kept steady, watching me just as much as I was wondering what he had in mind.

His cool breathing hitting the cold tenderness of my neck, "Will he like me if I do this?" His lips slowly grazing as I began to feel my heartbeat step petal. The rush sending a chill through my body, like anytime Matty kissed there.

"Yes." I breathed, Matty's chuckle rippling against my skin as he kissed my neck again.

So caught up in the way that he lips trailed from that spot on my neck till they found my jaw, my lips and over my collarbones. I didn't notice where Matty's hand was. As it had found it's way under my skirt till I felt his calloused finger grazing my folds.

"What about this?" He suggested again as his fingered traced around until it began to part. His index finger slowly running over the center that was drenched and a gasp left my lips. Feeling my body become puddy. "What do you think, blue?" He asked again.

Closing my eyes a bit when a silvery moan slipped from my lips. My eyes meeting his again as a devious smile crept to his lips.

"That might be the problem." He said, then. His smooth antics configuring him, bringing into light the way he had with women. At any given moment thinking about putting it all to stop.

Just a little to late at the changing thought when my breath hitched as Matty's finger got acquainted with my clit. Beginning to feel myself sinking under his touch. "But what about for you?"

His question catching me off guard, "W-what?" I breathed again. Feeling dizzy as he circled and I was crawling for center.

"Do you want him to like me?" He asked again, his finger now partnering with the middle as they went inside. A moan escaping as he pumped and looked at me for answers, then. "Lucy"

I looked at him, trying to regain myself under his touch as I feeling myself climbing. "Do you?" His voice a bit more harsh now and I shook my head.

Matty peered a smile, "Good" before his lips smashed hard against mine. Fighting and now beginning to win a desire that they had both longed for. His fingers continuing their quest as they took charge in the way my body raised in heat. Hearing the zipper of the back of my skirt eventually hitting the wood of the floor.

++

My moans ventilating his room as he played and his lips latched onto my neck again. My legs becoming weak. Feeling Matty's hardness as it grazed against my thigh. Aching as I wanted it to replace his hands.

My hands latched themselves into his curls. Moving to his shirt with only three buttons clasped, throwing it behind him. His lips never leaving mine, tasting like the bud and red wine we had been enduring till it had come to this.

Matty's eyes trailing almost making me nervous, as I was lying there in my bra and panties.

His lips following along as they caressed down my body. His hands meeting the back of my bra, soon feeling the chills along my breasts being replaced when his hands cupped them. Nipping and fumbling them with his tongue at the tender skin. His plump lips continuing on their route as they kissed down my naval and above the band of my panties that were now saturated.

The slight chill of Matty's fingertips sliding under the band made me wince. Bucking my hips, eagerly as he removed them before standing above me.

I bit my lip at his length almost ripping through the fabric of his jeans, watching as he unbuckled them and a big thud hit the floor. His shaft fleeing free and my eyes widening. He was huge.

He grabbed at my ankle, moving my leg a bit. Crawling over me, centering himself. My breath hitching as his cock was close to my entry. His hand caressed my cheek, his thumb running along it before he planted a kiss on my lips.

He slid his tip inside, making a back and forth notion through my center before pushing himself in me. I winced as pain ripped like a papercut but only for seconds. Matty watching me as he was aware and waited for me to adjust to his hard vast cock. Taking his time, gradually wallowing out into pleasure and moans fell from my lips.

Matty's moans and groans were enough to set me to the edge before I was even close. My name sounding singsong off the tip of his tongue. His lips barely moving from mine. Swelling from the war they were losing. My nails running down his back proving the fight.

His pace slow at first till commands were made. Sensual, rough thrusts pouring into me as I was losing my mind at every second of it. "Matty" I breathed against his lips before they kissed mine again. Trembling under his touch, feeling my legs shaking before they wrapped around him.

Closing my eyes when ecstasy was nearing, my back rising as I arched it and his hands slipping behind. Bringing me closer, digging deeper till there was no more space. Generously hitting my spot, four letter words falling from my mouth as my chest heaved through moans.

He took me by surprise when he flipped us over, I was straddling him now. "Slow." He said, then as I obeyed. My hips grinding against his, never feeling such arouse like this. Never watching someone watch me so intently. His lips curling in thrill.

His hands went from my hips till they found my breasts. Arching my back again and leaning my hands back on his knees. His one hand trailing down when his thumb reached my clit, planting little circles on it.

I screamed. Piercing my own drums, I could've sworn someone heard me. So enthralled by the way he touched. So selfless and engulfed as his eyes never left. While I was feeling myself engulf into flames.

I reached for his hand, that met for seconds before he sat up. Moving them around his neck, his around my waist, guiding me as he kissed along my jaw.

"Fuck" He moaned against my neck before looking back at me, "You're so beautiful." One hand moving hair from my face when it cupped my cheek pulling my lips to his.

The light was nearing, my body shaking as it moved against his "I'm going to come." I moaned between breaths, bringing Matty's attention back to me when he watched the motion of our bodies.

"Let me help you" He said, like he wasn't doing enough already. His hands grabbing my back and flipping us over. Matty then moved one of my legs over his shoulder. Kissing me again before he thrusted into me, taking me by surprise.

Mixing in with the pressure of my peak reaching. "Oh my god" I moaned again, a bit loud as I went to cover my lips. Matty taking my hands and held them above me. "None of that, Lu." He breathed, "None of that." He repeated, then before his lips hit my neck.

Feeling his hands everywhere as he thrusted, "Come for me" His breath grazing my mouth, watching his eyes grow rich golds and browns around his dilated pupils as he nearing with me. His thrusts becoming sloppy and erratic, but perfectly hitting me generously. He was growing close, feeling his shaft quiver in the surroundings of my walls. Starting to feel myself boil as the tingles began from my toes. Intensity sky rocking as I came, screaming into the airwaves in pleasure.

My limp arms falling around Matty's neck as he spilled into me shortly after. Watching his brows furrow and his lips form o's before they formed a language with mine.

Moaning my name repeatedly against the nook of my neck before his lips branded it. I never had someone kiss me as much as Matty. Let alone let me go first and watch me as I did so. His thrusts riding us out before he removed himself and fell to the side of me and pulling me closer.

"He's never going to like me." His voice vibrating my ear as I laid on his chest. Listening to the beat of his ticker and his breath beginning to calm. Matty's fingers running along my bare back.

I leaned up to get a better view of this boy that I was falling two steps ahead for. His soft brown eyes now looking at mine as I ran my fingers through his curls fanned against his pillow.

I smirked, peaking his lips. "He's not going to like me either." I remarked, my eyes trailing to his tattoo that was now being traced by my index. "Why's that?" He asked, feeling him raise his brow.

"I think I might be late for class tomorrow." I explained, meeting Matty's gaze as a smirk curled at the ends of his lips.

"I believe you might be right." His hand reaching my cheek, before pulling me down to another kiss leftover lingering his lips.

Surely I was, amicably and utterly late for class.

#the 1975 fanfiction #matty healy imagines #slutforbritdick #wattpadarchives

[ziracona]

The tendency in fandom to take every white girl with short hair, regardless of the status of their canonical interest or lack of interest in women and explicit interest and/or sexual history with everything but, proclaim them a lesbian queen, and then ignore or absolve them of every single horrific act they take in fiction because of this. Is not doing feminism. Women. Lesbians. Or anyone. Any favors. It’s just bad.

Somehow. Some people really do apparently need to hear that...being any specific sexuality...is not a personality trait.

And also. Women aren’t inherantly less vile than men (or anyone non-binary, agender, fluid, etc, else), and whatever bad deeds they do should be judged based on just that—on the deeds, and their context. Not their sexuality, imagined sexuality, or their gender. Becuase none of those things effect whether committing murder is bad. At all. Not even a little. And none of them. Is even a personality trait. Affecting the character’s value as a person.

It’s cool, and good, to see characters with minority identities. And it’s real nice. When it’s whatever you are. But them being whatever. Is not a personality trait. Just a fact. And sometimes. People of any type. Are not good. Pretending any minority status—gender, sexuality, race, disability, neurotype, etc—is a get out of jail free card? Is not. Doing them. Or anyone. Any favors. Personality disorder. Doesn’t make you bad. Also doesn’t make you good. Your actions do. Acting like Amy from Gone Girl did nothing wrong when she date rapes her boyfriend & then frames him for doing that to her & ruins his life, then blackmails her husband who is terrified of being murdered by her into staying with her for the sake of the child she made at a fertility clinic with his sperm without his consent, bc she’s a woman. Isn’t good. Men aren’t more deserving of violence than women. Neither is anyone else. Jane. Left an infant child in an unheated car in subzero weather in a snow storm with zombies around that easily would hear it cry and go eat it. So she could lie and say she already let zombies eat it to bait a man with easily triggerable PTSD who had just lost his family to zombies for the second time into starting a fight. Because he was injured, unarmed, weak, down an eye, and 50, while she was fit, mid 20s, healthy, and armed with a hunting knife. Because she wanted an excuse to kill him without looking bad, because she wanted the 11 year old girl she was co-parenting with him, all to herself. And her immediately responding to the dude throwing a punch by stabbing him in the stomach to escalate the fight from brawl to life or death, then losing her knife, and instead of telling him the baby was alive & she’d made it up to start a fight which could have at any point ended the fight, begging the 11 year old child to gun down her oldest surviving friend with her own hands in cold blood so that she’d get what she wanted? Is evil. As is crying on the 11 year old and using pity as a weapon to get her to stay with her if she gets mad and wants to leave when she realizes Jane staged the whole thing for an excuse to murder, and so is after realizing like a month later that she is pregnant, committing suicide, and leaving the 11 year old that she just manipulated into killing her oldest surviving friend/completely isolated on purpose so she could have her to herself, totally alone in the apocalypse to care for an infant. Jennifer’s Body? Is a fantastic film. And Jennifer didn’t deserve any of what happened to her. But not one single boy she kills during the course of that film deserved it—and explicitly so. Even the guy who could easily have been a meathead jock bully is outside alone crying becuase his best friend just died and he loved him before she decides to lure him off and eat him alive. And acting like it’s totally fine & Needy should have just let her keep eating boys instead of killing her? Is fucked up. None of them deserved to die. And no one deserves death innately more because they are or are not something that is just a factual designator of their makeup as a human. The exchange student was scared and alone and nice, the catholic kid was sweet and Needy’s friend, Chip is a bad boyfriend but he meant well and being stupid doesn’t mean you deserve to die. And this girl ate them alive. That’s not funny. Or cool. Or fine becuase they were dudes. Gertrude Robinson? Chose again and again to betray people who loved her, or trusted her—sold out victims of awful trauma to their worst nightmares. Killed friends in the worst possible ways, like it was nothing. Michael loved her, and trusted her, and tried to care for her, and she without faltering fed him to his worst nightmare and forced him to become it. There is nothing excusable about that action.

Jude Perry? Has 0 redeeming features. Didn’t even stay faithful to her poor gf & was creepy obsessed w Agnes. Literally murdered her co-worker friend just because he was happy, and she wanted to destroy things: that’s it. She didn’t even dislike him. Murdered him because he had a wife and kid and house and it seemed fun, then burned down his house, took his wife’s money, and now checks in on his kid every so often in case he ever recovers from the trauma she inflicted enough to be fun to kill. There is literally nothing good about this woman. Yes. I mean that. Because being a lesbian? Is just a thing. There is no g/b tag, there is no tag at all. Amanda Young? Got kidnapped and tortured and forced to choose between killing a man who couldn’t resist but was conscious to watch her, and letting herself die, and she killed him. Then, instead of responding to that trauma with guilt or responsibility or anger at her captor, joined up with him and started helping him kidnap people just like her. She was not forced, she was not lied to. It does not matter if John was manipulative; she is a grown ass woman and like all grown ass adults, responsible for her own actions and choices. She did not get manipulated pitifully into this—she did not go unwillingly. She volunteered, with a happy vengeance, became obsessed with John and in love with him, despite his complete lack of interest. And she did not even just do what he did. She decided on her own that no one deserved redemption, & she killed them for fun in traps that wouldn’t let them go even if they did whatever awful thing the trap demanded as a price for life, just for the fun and power trip of watching them die helpless & in agony. That was all her, & her alone. She sat in a house full of people slowly dying from organ decomposition over the course of a few hours, for no crime worse than drug addiction—the thing she of all people should have been most sympathetic to—knowing full well at any time she could have saved them and stopped the game, and did nothing. She held a woman in her arms and stroked her head lovingly while she let her die in one of the most inhumane ways possible for the crime of having not been able to break an addition. She got saved by a 16 year old child multiple times, who had done nothing more than shoplift, and stood by while he had to watch a man get his brains blown out, another burn to death in an oven. As his organs slowly dissolved too. Watched the kid kill another human being & massively traumatize himself to save her life. And responded to that by attacking & knocking him out, tying him up, locking him up for days in a tiny safe bound and gagged with an oxygen supply to keep him alive, to be a piece in another game. Left his father, who had shown up to try & save him, to starve to death in chains in a horrible abandoned rotting room, & never even told him his son was alive. Let every other addict die horribly, let that kid sustain permanent damage to his organs that will kill him young, antidote taken or not, took his dad from him, & went back to torturing without a second thought. Kidnapped a woman whose worst crime was being a doctor & dating someone while maybe separated instead of divorced from her husband, put her in a trap that would take her head off with shotgun blasts, threatened her for fun, & then killed her even after she did everything she was asked, because it was more important to her that the old man she was obsessed with think she was special and great, than for the other woman to get to stay alive another day & go home to her daughter. There is nothing sympathetic about Amanda. She’s just not only evil, but too spineless to take responsibility for her own choices & actions, & tries to hide behind a “UwU I am sad & lonely & damaged & having trauma means I can literally torture people to death to feel special & it’s really tragic and sympathetic about me, not evil. Uhm. Some people??? Commit torture-murders?? To cope??” And acting like she’s somehow a victim in this becuase she is a pretty white girl with short hair? Is fucked. Up.

But every. God damn. Time. I see this. Please. It needs. To stop. People go: “UwU pretty girl short hair want” & I go “Ok. I see where u. Come from. Indeed.” But then. They go. “Girl pretty I like. So she was blameless. For this atrocity.” Those words...

Every day. I wake up. Thinking of Janic saying. Iconically. “At least me and Regina George know we’re mean,” and I weep inside. Because I cannot fathom. Or stomach. The lack of responsibility. I will kill. Characters who cannot admit they are bad. Myself. But somehow. They become. Flames. To moths. Of the “UwU pretty white girl short hair. We stan. Victim. Queen. Love her. Never done wrong.” Boy. We all done wrong. Even all my faves. At least once. I think. ...not if we count dogs probably, but people, yes. Ok. Anyway. All this is to say. Characters. Should be judged. Based on what they did. And why. And the aftermath. Not a grouping tag. I don’t mean any of these. Make bad characters. At all. Amy is a great character. So is Jennifer. So are most of them. I have quite affection even. For Jeneffer specifically. But you can like. Character. Without proclaiming. Them perfect humans. Who never did a thing wrong. Or their acts somehow. Justifiable. And ok. And you better stop saying. Ok. Because done. To men. Men do not. Deserve violence. Any more. Than anyone else. No one deserves violence defacto for factors. Outside their control. Wtf. Really people. It’s ok too. For character. To do much bad stuff. And still like character. Villains. And often just complex characters. Sometimes just characters. Do stuff. That is bad. It’s not supposed to be not their fault. Or ok. Also. Women are not a sisterhood. Of flawless beings. Who never hurt anyone or do any bad stuff. They can. And are. Often purpotrators. Of awful acts. And when they are. It is still. Very bad. Still. An awful act. Same level. Even. Of awful. Wild.

In conclusion.

Having short hair. While a girl. Doesn’t make her a butch queen. Who is absolved of all responsibility for that murder she committed. It just makes her a girl with short hair. That did a murder. I’m gonna. Kill someone. Too. And if I chop my hair off. I guess I can get away with it.

#personal #*dances wildly to abba music while delivering speech* #some of you all apparently really need a girl to come fuck up your life bc the lengths to which some of y’all so devotedly seem to believe #women are less evil is astronomical. and let me tell you. from personal experience? a girl can ruin your life. just as easily. and with as #little pity. guilt. remorse. or afterthought. as a man. and it aint any more ok. & you know what? so can a fluid person. or a nonbinary #person. legit anyone. can be bad. or good. and do bad. or good. theyre not defacto worse for coming from X starting point. and theyre also. #OuO not. better. #not everyone who likes or is sympathetic to these specific characters even be like that either like u know what? its possible to both be #sypathetic to a character & not excuse & atand their actions. I like & feel bad for Jennifer. a lot. one of my bros in college loved Jane #from twdg. Not bc she thought it was totally fine she’d been super evil though. its *dances* not that hard actually #also nothin against lovin evil lady characters or evil characters in general. just me or anyone else loving them does nothing to make their #evil deeds suddely ok or vanish into the mist #people have some real trouble w nuance huh. folks like a character & assume that means stanning everything theyve ever done. hate a charactr #and suddenly forget how to factor any outside factors into their view of said person’s actions. its a wild bad ride yo #like i get it. im a girl & ive had plenty of men ruin my life i truly get it. but is there anything truly more detrimental to feminism & to #just treating people decent in general than the WomenDoNoWrong mindset & apologism thrown up like its actually a decent counter t patriarchy #? probably actually yeah im sure there are worse. but its still REALLY not good!! feminism is just a stance that all people deserve equal #treatment & an investment in pursuing that reality. if youre excusing people of horrible actions bc girl & treating violence against non- #women as fine youre not a feminist u actually just suck generally as a person #i also lose my mind how half the characters i see get this treatment aint even lesbians & often explicitly like men yet get both assigned #that & treated like that sexuality is a hall pass for human rights violations. im dyin #this entire thought rant was prompted by reading a post earlier today about bi-phobia & gettin mad about how bi people get treated idk how #spagheti brain exactly went there to here so /fast/ but anyway. same brand of problematic. & i am v tired :] of this :] specifically :] #every time i see that post abt women killers in horror i am like ‘OP hiw are your points so good but all your examples so /terrible/.’ rip #i guess this is just life. and i feel excessively better after screaming jnto the void of my blog #also i get it gertrude robinson wanted to stop the apocalypse but fuck gertrude robinson she has no excuse. nothing could justify what she #did to people who loved her. and shes a well written and layered character whonisnt like just pure evil but she is VERY bad and i WILL kill #her (again) myself if given the chance & i have every right to. #spoilers #again. great charcters. amanda an iconic saw villain. gertrude fascinating. etc. but also. they be doing mad evil deeds & tis not ok

[tavi-hayes]

practice challenge ~ journey to the palace

((whoopwhoop, idk how i managed to write this (given it’s quite long and i usually never ever write stuff this long) also please excuse me again for any spelling/grammar errors i try. alsoooo thanks to these wonderful girls: Bethia @h-hart​, Kat @clara-choii​ and Pia @brookelynnsanders​!))

It was silent at work today. The only sounds were the flipping of pages and the ticking on keys of a computer, followed by a frustrated sigh occasionally.

“Maybe we should get some more flutes?” I said, “they’re not that expensive and they won’t take up a lot of space here.”

Lola, being distracted by her laptop, showed no sign that she had heard what I just said.

“Helllooo, Lo are you there?”

“Huh, what?” she ran her hands through her hair as she looked my way.

I lifted the catalogue to show her the flute page.

“No Tavi,” Lo leaned her head on the back of the chair, doing the accounts must have tired her. “We already have flutes, and no one is ever interested in them. They have been here for decades.”

I rolled my eyes, “maybe that is why no one is interested. They look grim.”

Lo refocused on her laptop, and I flipped another page of the catalogue.

Oeh, the bass guitars. My favourite part.

I ran my finger over the page, paying a lot of attention to each one.

There were electronic bass guitars, but also the semi-acoustic ones. Some were very modern-looking with the brightest of colours, while others go for more of a vintage look.

I don’t know if I would ever be able to part with my own baby. The bass guitar, that I now owned, had been eyeing me every day since it had arrived in the store. It had been love at first sight.

But it was such a big investment and I just didn’t have that kind of money.

A part of my earnings was needed for us to make a living, pay the rent and do the groceries for example. And the other part that wasn’t needed for that, entered our savings jar.

We had been saving money since the day my dad was put behind bars. For whatever reason those bars had been in St. George. Freaking St. George.

The province didn’t even have direct borders with Denbeigh, Ottaro was right in between.

That made a simple, but still long, car ride impossible. Not taken the problems that come with the snowy climate into account.

That same climate also caused issues for our only transportation option.

Denbeigh’s climate was hard to predict at times. It could be a beautiful day with sunshine and a clear sky, but then you wake up the next morning to a thick layer of snow.

And because those snowfalls could happen in at least 8 out of 12 months, a lot of planes got cancelled in those months. The only airport anywhere near Winnipeg was privately owned. So the owners could literally ask the prices they wanted for the plane tickets. And boy, they were only focussed on making a profit.

For a simple family of Fives, those prices were unpayable. Hence why we had been saving money for 6 years now, still nowhere near able to pay for tickets. My mom would need a ticket, Daniel and I would too, and we just can’t leave little Aria and Arlan. My dad should be allowed to see them as well. That’s means we already need the money for 5 tickets. But if we include Daniel’s family, with his wife and little Melody, then that would equal 7 tickets.

So yeah, I would never have been able to buy that bass guitar.

Until Lo had a brilliant idea. They would give it to me as my birthday present for the upcoming 10 years. At first, I couldn’t accept that kind of gift, knowing it would have been a huge investment for the Wood family as well. But they insisted, hinting that they would get an employee discount anyway since you know Mr Wood owns the place. So, the price dropped, and they ignored me, so I had to give in and accept. It was the best gift I had ever gotten.

The stores door busted open, “GIRLS!” Gina’s voice took me back to earth. “they’re about to do the draw!”

“What draw?” apparently Lo shared my confusion.

Gina rolled her eyes and grabbed Lo’s laptop from the table. “Wait, I was working! Save it, save it!”

The laptop was put right on top of the catalogue I had just been looking through. Lo ushered over as well.

“Let me just,” Gina had opened an internet page and started typing in the website address of Winnipeg’s number one news channel, WTV. Such an original name.

The news anchor, some middle-aged woman with very fake looking blond hair, appeared on screen. “What is she wearing?” Lo asked, disgust and confusion both showing on her face.

“A track suit, it’s part of her image,” Gina unmuted the laptop, the crow-like voice of the woman filling the room, “now shush, I wanna hear this.”

“… Cameron Porter has been selected for the Illéan national ice hockey team. The star of Winnipeg’s very own ice hockey team, the Winnipeg Belugas, will accompany the national team to the world cup, taking place later this year in Saint Petersburg, Russia. Last week’s draw concluded that Illéa will have to face the German Federation and New Asia in the group stage. The national team’s training will start next week.”

Lo and I shared a look, “this is what you wanted to see Gina?”

“Since when do you care about ice hockey?” I asked, this was something new.

“Urgh, you guys are intolerable,” she silenced us with her finger.

“… and now we will switch to the royal palace in Angeles, to watch the live draw for Prince Arin’s Selection.”

The draw, of course that was what had sparked Gina’s interest. For some unknown reason, the entire Selection had slipped from my mind.

Nevertheless, I felt a little flutter in my stomach. Nerves. Looking over to my friends, I noticed the tense looks on both of their faces. Lo’s hands were clasped together, while Gina’s had disappeared in the pockets of her cardigan.

“Welcome,” some weird voice-over called.

With that the camera focussed on the prince.

“Urgh,” I rolled my eyes.

Lo poked me in the side, laughing, “oh Tavi your distaste is showing.”

“I don’t understand how you can hate someone who is that good looking. I mean have you seen that jawline? Perfection.” Gina had had a crush on the prince for as long as I had known her.

I rolled my eyes again, “I don’t hate him.” The drawing began before I had time to explain myself further.

“From Allens … Idalia Moretti.”

“He doesn’t look very happy,” I couldn’t help but comment, “or comfortable.”

Gina sighed probably annoyed that she couldn’t listen to the show properly, “his engagement was called off not that long ago. That is a pretty hard thing to deal with.”

“Yeah, I see, it’s so hard that he’s having a Selection. Shouldn’t he like get over the other girl first?”

My friends ignored me.

“From Angeles … Emily Rose White.”

This thing was going to take forever. I just wanted to look at the catalogue again, not at that prince, “he’s making me feel uncomfortable, just by watching him.”

Again, no response from either of my friends.

I took that as a sign to remain silent, knowing very well my friends wouldn’t reply anyway now that their eyes were locked on the prince.

“From Dakota … Brooke Lynn Sanders.”

Gina let out a breath she was holding, “okay now is Denbeigh,” she took our hands in hers, “fingers crossed it’s one of us.”

Her hand palms were sweaty, she must really want this.

“From Denbeigh … Octavia Hayes.”

We were all silent for a minute. Then Lo started screaming, Gina joining her. “Oh my GOODNESS!”

“Tavi! You’re going to the palace! You’re going to meet the prince!”

“Yeah,” I was absolutely lost for words. Meeting the prince hadn’t been the first thing that came to my mind, hell it hadn’t even been the second or third thing.

The first thing I thought was: I’m one step closer to getting my dad out of prison. I will be in that freaking library day and night looking for the book that is going to help me. There must be something somewhere about a second opinion on a court order, or something else to annul the judge’s decision.

“Ohhh, I’m sooo jealous of you right now. You are going to meet the prince! And there’s a chance he will fall in love with you and you’ll have beautiful babies.” Gina pulled on one of my curls, it bounced up and down as she let go of it.

“Uhm, I think that particular chance can be redeemed to zero.” I bit my lip, not even in my biggest dreams had I imagined my name would be drawn.

“Tavi, listen. I know you only applied for those laws books, but you need to be friendly to the prince if you want to stay,” Lo insisted, “or else you will be eliminated.”

“And I have to interact with him?”

“There are girls who would kill for a chance of even being in one room with him,” Gina took over, she sounded very serious suddenly. “You’ll meet him that’s for sure, and if you actually try you might make it far enough to earn a date. Just at least try to be nice, okay?”

“Just don’t insult him,” Lo added, “or his family, or the country. Okay, don’t insult anyone.”

The way my best friends were looking at me brought me right back to the good old school days. That was exactly the way teachers had looked whenever I had done something naughty. Which had basically been at least once every day.

“Do you promise?” Lo asked when I didn’t respond.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll try not to insult anyone.” I sighed, this is going to be so much harder than I thought.

All of a sudden a lot robot-like voice yelled “BREAKING NEWS”.

It just scared the living shit out of me. We turned as one towards the laptop again.

On the screen was that fake blond woman in her tracksuit again.

“Prince Arin just completed the draw for his very own Selection. Some famous girls will be joining him at the palace. Our very own province will be represented by Octavia Hayes. You might have heard of her, given that she is some meekly Five. But her father’s name will ring a bell. Octavia’s father is Caspar H., a dangerous convict in prison for murdering Winnipeg’s beloved mayor Wilfred Wallis. He might have very well passed the criminal gene onto his daughter. Not only is she definitely not a good representative for Denbeigh, but the lives of the royal family might all be in danger.”

“Damn it!” Stupid news anchor. Why couldn’t they just stay out of my family’s business. Now the entire country will be aware of this. My dad’s arrest did make the headlines of some newspapers when all that had gone down. But that had been 6 years ago and I had hoped no one would remember that.

But now it was out in the open. Again.

It didn’t even matter that my dad was innocent. He had already been suffering for it by being locked up far away from our family.

“Tavi,” Lo put her arms around me, “that’s just bullshit, no such thing as a criminal gene exists.”

Gina joined our hug, “you can’t take anyone seriously who wears a tracksuit on live TV.”

*** Couple of days later ***

Dear dad,

My name got drawn for the Selection, I’m going to the palace and meet the prince. Some palace person is coming to pick me up anytime now so I can’t write a lot. Plus, if the mail has already arrived then you will have to wait another month before you get this anyway.

I asked Daniel if he could start writing a monthly letter as well, maybe he can even add a little picture of Melody so you can see her for the first time. He said he will take care of mom, Aria and Arlan as well. Molly will just cook dinner for more people, which she doesn’t really mind doing. At least that’s what she said.

Anyhow I will write to you from the palace.

Lots of love, 

Octavia

Zohl wzw, R’n hxzivw. Tlrmt gl gsv kzozxv, z dslov mvd vmerilmnvmg dsviv R wlm’g pmld zmblmv. Ovzermt nln, vhkvxrzoob mld gszg rg urmzoob hvvnh orpv hsv’h gibrmt gl orev ztzrm. Zmw dszg droo gsv xlfmgib gsrmp lu nv. Droo R gfim rmgl zm lfgxzhg? Zxxliwrmt gl DGE R’n tlrmt gl hozftsgvi veviblmv rm gsv kzozxv, yvxzfhv lu blfi ‘xirnrmzo tvmvh’. Yfg gsv kvlkov dsl olev blf droo zodzbh yvorvev blfi rmmlxvmxv, vevm ru gsv dslov xlfmgib hvvnh gl gsrmp lgsvidrhv. Qfhg pmld gszg dv nrhh blf wvziob. Zmw R droo gib vevibgsrmt R xzm gl tvg blf ivovzhvw. Qfhgrxv zodzbh kivezroh.

*** At the airport ***

The car journey all the way from Winnipeg to somewhere in Sota had lasted for ages. Even though I hadn’t really been aware of that, since I fell asleep as soon as they closed the doors behind me.  

A frustrated voice had woken me up, “can you please stop drooling all over the leather upholstery?”

My eyes flew open, saliva was indeed smeared on the seat. I quickly wiped it off my face, where it had been present as well. “Sorry,” I mumbled, I then realized we had arrived at the airport, I quickly opened the car door and jumped out.

What I immediately noticed was the rain puddle I had landed in. My shoes and socks were soaking wet. Great.

“Maybe you should try to act more lady-like?” the driver said with a very disapproving tone, looking me up and down. He had already taken my guitar case out of the car and was about to put it right onto the wet street. I quickly grabbed the case out of his hands, clutching it close to my body.

The driver sighed, “there’s the entrance to the airport. Inside it will be clear which directions to follow.”

I made my way towards the entrance he had pointed at when I heard him mumble to himself, “why did I had to drive a barbarian?”

As I turned around, the car’s engine had been running again. I wasn’t sure if he could see me, nor I did I really care. I showed my middle finger to the car anyway. Asshole.

Never had I seen an airport before. It was freaking massive, people walking in all possible directions. Some carrying luggage with them, others with balloons that read “we missed you” or “welcome home”.

One day, my fam and I will be waiting at the airport, carrying one of those dumb balloons around. Coming to pick up dad.

I snapped out of my daydream by someone tapping me on my shoulder. “Miss Hayes, please come with me.”

Nodding, I followed the person not really having another choice since I had no clue which way I had to go. Maybe this is some insane kidnapper.

My heartbeat increased; did I just make a stupid mistake?

“Only one girl has arrived so far. You are to wait for the others before you can board the plane.”

Okay, no insane kidnapper then.

Unless.

This is a complete setup created by his crazy brain.

Panic filled my body, damnit how will I get out of this situation.

Okay, if I just push the person onto the floor, that will give me a chance to run for my life.

One. 

Two.

Three.

I took a deep breath in, ready to make the push. But at the last minute the person side stepped which caused me to lose my balance. He looked at me in a very funny way, “please take a seat, the flight attendant will come get you in a few minutes.”

My cheeks turned very very warm, the redness might very well have equalled the red colour of a traffic light.

Trying to calm myself down, I slumped down into a chair. Yikes, only now became I aware of it again. My socks were still wet and cold. Sigh.

After taking a few deep breaths in and out, I noticed the other girl.

“Oh hey, you’re also a Selected?” I started, realizing it wouldn’t be a bad thing to talk to someone.

She turned towards me, “I am Brooke Lynn Sanders, but just call me Brooke please!”

Not knowing what else to do, I waved at her a little awkwardly. “hi Brooke, nice to meet you. My name is Octavia, but please call me Tavi.”

“Nice to meet you Octavia. Did you have a good journey?” I could already tell she did have the lady-like manners I had been lacking.

Oh god, I couldn’t possibly tell her about the drooling situation, so I decided to stick to a vague answer. “Yeah, it was alright thanks. What about your own journey? Which province are you from?”

“My send off from Dakota was a bit bumpy but I am here now. I wish they would have let me take the train though...”

Another girl arrived, also looking very much like someone the prince could end up with. Compared to these two, I was more of a rag doll.

Pushing my feelings behind that wall deep inside me, I waved her over, “oh yeah hi, please join us.”

We chatted some more for a bit, until Haven arrived.

The way she was walking, the only person I had seen walking like that was Long-Beard Logan, the homeless guy who could often be found near New Wave Records. He walked the same way, but he had one wooden leg.

Then Haven opened her mouth, a weird voice coming out, “hi.”

I noticed Brooke shared my confusion, “uhm hello?”

She took out her phone and typed something, it read ‘I’m Haven’.

My confusion hadn’t ebbed away, “are you alright?”

She typed some more, ‘yup:)) just got a bad cold! what are your names?’.

As a response to that we all introduced ourselves again. These girls didn’t seem to be that bad, hopefully the other Selected at the palace were the same. But the chance of that being true was small. Also, why did I care what the other girls were like? I wasn’t there to make friends, with them or with the prince. I had applied for the thing I needed most. Access to the royal library.

“Have you guys ever been on a plane before? This is all very new to me.” I admitted, trying to ease the nerves that had been building up inside me ever since my name had been picked in that draw.

Brooke had a very strong opinion on planes. Private planes more specifically.

Which came as a shock to me. The private plane part. I didn’t know what I was thinking but taking a private plane had never crossed my mind.

In the meantime, Brooke started talking about the CO2 emissions.

“How else would we get to the palace without having an endless journey? It’s not like there’s a teleportation device, right?” I said a little more vicious than I intended. The higher castes used planes all the time, if anyone had a cause in the destruction of our planet it was definitely them.

Brooke definitely had thought of it all, as she mentioned the outstanding quality of the Illéan train system. Clara chimed in to agree with her.

I decided to not mention my exact thoughts about the higher castes, given the fact that I had promised my friends back home not to insult anyone. So I just nodded my head, “yeah okay I understand your point.”

We were able to board the plane shortly after that. Brooke sat down in a window-seat and Clara nestled herself in the seat next to Brooke’s.

I took a chair on the opposite side of the plane, trying to create some sort of privacy for myself without being rude.

Haven sat down in the seat next to me and smiled at me.

The entry door closed; I could no longer contain my nerves. “Here we go I guess.” I tried to calm my breathing, but it didn’t really help. I tried to think of my family back home in Denbeigh, didn’t help either. I heard my dad’s voice in my head, it was like he was actually talking to me, “You are a strong girl, the flight will be over before you know it. Octavia, you can do this.”

A weird sound whisked my dad’s voice away, I looked over towards the source of the sound. It was Brooke choking on her drink. “Please don’t die,” I said. Her dying here would be a shitty start to this whole adventure. Besides, Brooke actually seemed like a nice person.

She coughed, “I am – I am trying.”

Haven mentioned her sibling, how they were close and stuff. She then asked if we had any siblings ourselves.

This provided me with the perfect distraction. I turned towards her, “yeah, I have three siblings. One older brother, a younger sister and a younger brother as well.”

Normally I would never share such personal information with someone I had just met but talking about them was the distraction I so desperately needed from this whole plane situation.

The others talked some more, but I just realized the one and only thing that would get me through this.

Music.

“If you guys don’t mind, I’m gonna listen to some music.” I said as I took my earphones out of my bag. “Haven would you like to join?” I asked her politely, given that she was sitting right next to me and it would have been quite rude otherwise.

She smiled at me and nodded, so I handed her one of the earphones. “I do have a very mixed taste in music so you’re in for a treat.” Maybe I could even make her listen to our own music, you know casually extending Five Whispers’ audience.

As a reply, Haven winked at me, “I love a girl with mixed music taste.”

Oh who would have thought, I had something in common with another Selected. I too liked people with a diverse music preference, since music says so much about a person. The quote ‘You are what you listen to’ was on one of the walls of New Wave Records music store. It was also my own personal life motto.

Clara and Brooke continued chatting, but I didn’t listen anymore. The music had taken a hold on me and it had only released me from its grip when the plane hit the ground in Angeles.

#selectionoc #practice challenge #fic

[shipping-receiving]

JB Fav Fics

Ages ago, I reblogged @chickren​‘s post (from 2013!) and I promised to give it a shot but got all tied up with my dissertation and my own fic. Now that my dissertation is done, I HAVE COMPLETED THIS. Bear in mind these answers might be a bit ‘dated’ as well (by a few months) because I’ve not been reading much fic on my end. Turns out when I’m writing my own, I can only hold one version of J/B in my head. 

Anyway this list is LONG AND TOOK ME FOREVER and I also wrote comments because I can’t help myself. So everything is under the cut. I took out the Shuffled Challenge one (very 2013 lol) and I replaced it with a category called... favourite S8 fix-it. Can you believe it? After I made all this noise about not being able to read fix-its?

[J/B Fic Recs: Master Post if anyone needs it before we start things off]

Favourite fic set immediately after ADWD Second to fucking none: Honor Thy Regard by SigilBroken Nights Without Armor by bratanimus

Favourite fic set a long time after ADWD Oh. Salt Wife by Lady_in_Red. Breathtaking simplicity.

Favourite TV canon fic Pretty and Traveling Far by astolat A Man for All Seasons by dreadwulf

Favourite S8 fix-it Yes, I know. I can’t deal with fix-its. And yet. Ice by Gwen77 Ring Them Bells by kirazi Battle is the Great Redeemer by Lady_In_Red

Favourite modern AU Clean hands by you-know-who (... it’s Gwen77) + all the classics:  Fever by Lady_In_Red On the Night’s Watch by Miss_M It’s Like Weather by ssstrychnine Beast and the Beast by SigilBroken And of course our recent fandom favourite: two halves of a soul by angel_deux

Favourite kiss (Don’t specify chapter) Okay this is kind of a random one but I remember re-reading Roommate Wanted by JustAGirl24 a couple months back, and when they finally kissed I wanted to freaking throw my phone across the room. It’s not even described in detail, it was just such a perfectly timed OMFG!!! THEY KISSED! moment.

Favourite smut Anything by Miss_M, good lord. My all-time favourite is Golden and True (modern AU, sequel to Ball and Chain), but for canon!verse it has to be Heart’s Desire and Spring Awakening. And obviously I have to say Flawed by francoeurs – smut exploring J/B’s Issues with a capital I? I’m THERE.

And for multi-chapter fic, Everyone Has Secrets by ellaria is fire. Oh and also, everyone’s favourite professor AU, Stacked by QuizzicalQuinnia.

Favourite UST On the Night’s Watch and Someone to Watch Over Me by Miss_M. I love that these two fics take place over such a short time (a few days) but they manage to feel like slow burns. That’s fucking skill right there.

Best written fic I hate this question. You want me to pick the best-written fic out of the FIVE THOUSAND J/B FICS ON AO3? Lmao I’m skipping.

Favourite fic with an unusual premise Multiverse central: All the Roads are Winding by ShirleyAnn66 In which Brienne can turn into a sea lion: This Is Your Wilderness by hardlyfatal GENDER SWAP: all knights are gallant and all maids are beautiful by janie_tangerine Jaime is a sculptor: Madonna of the Balcony by QuizzicalQuinnia Jaime does needlework: Hold This Threadbare Heart at Needlepoint by nire

Favourite action scene Words by astolat. The entire battle sequence.

Favourite dialogue Clean hands by Gwen77, Chapter 9. So cathartic, and SO MUCH HAPPENING. Not just J/B but Tyrion and Cersei on the phone too. I mean I just tried to re-read it to pick an excerpt (I can’t) and I already started crying lmao

Favourite characterization of Jaime A Man for All Seasons by dreadwulf. THE NUANCE. THE DETAIL.

Favourite characterization of Brienne Any fucking thing by Gwen77. Especially Clean hands, Diplomacy and Ice.

Favourite relationship development Where I follow, you’ll go by Lady_In_Red Beast and the Beast by SigilBroken, OBVIOUSLY It’s Like Weather by ssstrychnine Patience on a Monument by betts, even though they’re already friends, because betts makes me sit through Jaime/Sansa and Brienne/Tormund and yet I still re-read this.

Favourite use of non-typical character. Exclude these: Jaime, Brienne, Podrick, Hyle, Cersei, Sansa, Margaery, Tyrion, Daenerys, Selwyn, Tywin. Hmm this is a tough one. Maybe Loras the photographer in Living Fiction by Archetype_Electraheart

Favourite plot In This Light by SigilBroken for canon!verse endgame On the Night’s Watch by Miss_M and Everyone Has Secrets by ellaria for modern AU. I love J/B investigating stuff together.

Favourite title Nobody Knows / You Know and I Know by Miss_M “There’s a story,” Brienne says, “about a corrupt official who went to a sage and offered him to take part in a scheme, promising no one would ever know. ‘How can you say that?’ the sage replied. ‘I know, and you know, and the earth knows, and the sky knows.’”

Favourite WiP (finished or unfinished) With All Your Faults by seaspirit (close to the end!!!) The Descent by openmouthwideeye And this is finished but Tale As Old As Time by BrienneofThrace. She came back after like four years to finish it?! That alone is fandom magic.

Favourite long one-shot Pretty by astolat (wtf this is 30k?)

Favourite short one-shot OH MY GOD THE GLASSES FIC. Age Gap by ikkiM

Favourite drabble Mmmmm I don’t really read drabbles so I’ll skip this too.

Favourite beginning What is True, But Not Ideal by Vera: Jaime doesn’t appear for like four chapters and yet I was still on board.

Favourite ending IT’S FUCKING Clean hands by Gwen77 OKAY DON’T @ ME. Traveling Far by astolat – because she just Went There and gave J/B five kids The Sorrows That Women Cause by Mussimm (seventh and final part of Works and Days, in which they just... bang)

Favourite story twist more like the man you were meant to be by janie_tangerine. I mean, this isn’t really an internal twist, more like a twist on canon The Importance of Knocking by Miss_M, since it’s a story twist for Cersei lol.

Funniest story St George's Day by sansasparky The Best Legs You've Ever Seen by ikkiM

Favourite angst In the first version of this list I said I wouldn’t pick Gwen77 again for this one, and then I re-read Ice and cried my eyes out for like, the whole thing. Special mention for catherineflowers’ series We Need to Talk About…, because of how much she just commits entirely to some really dark stuff. It’s something I wouldn’t necessarily re-read, but just the audacity it took for her to write this is really impressive.

Favourite fluff The Higher Education of Brienne of Tarth and Drunken Shenanigans with Jaime and Brienne by BrienneofThrace. Anything by BrienneofThrace to be honest. She does the purest J/B. Also, Nothing That Is So, Is So by RoseHeart, and i get to be the other half of you + The 'Kiss Me' Series by sameboots.

Favourite Jaime line Yooooooo that part in Laying Siege by astolat when Jaime just launches into his wedding proposal: “I swear to you before these witnesses that I will protect Sansa Stark with my life, beside you. I will never take the field against her. I will take your name and your crest and your house as my own—”... I can feel myself being Brienne going WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

Favourite Brienne line Yeah yeah here I go picking Gwen77 again. The very last lines of all her fics always slay me, but this is the only line I can quote verbatim, from Diplomacy: “Trapped, he had said, worry in his voice. Ruined. She had never felt so free.”

Favourite general line or excerpt I love the way Gwen77 commits to the motif of walls in Ice. I freaked out about it here. And then after all that talk about Brienne building up her walls she just HITS US WITH THIS FINAL LINE:

“Jaime was hers, encircling, warm, solid as a wall. He would catch her if she fell.”

Favourite non-romantic fic The tale of Squire!Brienne series by LadyRhiyana

Favourite maiming adaptation in a modern AU Fever by Lady_In_Red, because I love how the whole story is built on Jaime learning how to ride again with a mangled hand

Favourite kidfic Not really a full-on kidfic, but You Know and I Know (sequel to Nobody Knows) for that Jaime & Tommen relationship, plus that conversation J/B have about having kids in future. Oh, and so brief, but Traveling Far by astolat.

Craziest scene that was in character and made sense (Don’t specify chapter) Let’s just go for the entirety of Stannis Baratheon, Fantasy Football League Commissioner by ikkiM AND THAT FUCKING J/B/C FIC THAT I READ BECAUSE I DIDN’T LOOK AT THE TAGS OKAY: Pride by astolat

Most underrated fic My Fall by TeamGwenee. Witches in 1600s colonial America AND in first person POV? IT WORKS THO. Such an interesting and original premise, and written in a very refreshing succinct style, and yet this multi-chapter fic has less than 200 kudos. Another one with less than 200 kudos: and you’ve whispered what I’m worth by angel_deux, a really lovely Mad Max: Fury Road AU.

Most desperate to see updated NO PRESSURE!!! for our world is cold and full of monsters by chancellor_valdez room service by ssstrychnine A Star Within the Mere by isavedlatin (sigh)

Favourite J/B as a secondary couple Some Kind of Family by crossingwinter

Most haunting Fool by astolat. I don’t know why. It’s a very beautiful story and it’s not even a bad ending for J/B necessarily, but the fact that it ends the way it does just really fucks me up. It’s the only fic in my bookmarks that I don’t think I can ever bear to re-read.

Favourite (friendship or hate) relationship between Jaime and another character One Of The Few Things by anniebibananie (Sansa) – I’m picking this just for the sheer I-can’t-believe-you-made-this-work-and-I-applaud-you factor

Favourite (friendship or hate) relationship between Brienne and another character What Is True, But Not Ideal by Vera (Tyrion)

#jaime x brienne fic recs #jb fav fics

[imagine-that-100]

Drunk | Part 8 |

Description of Part 1: Matty Healy x Reader (Female) | When you come back home to Manchester from University, you get invited to a house party filled with your old friends from high school. You hadn’t seen most of them for 4 years and the house brings back some old memories of the parties you once attended. Getting drunk with old friends ends up being better than you imagined.

Word Count: 12.2k

A/N: Okay hopefully by the end of this I will have redeemed myself from the torture I made you read last week? Hope you don’t hate me anymore xx Thanks for reading and love you all! Let me know if you want to be tagged x

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| MASTERLIST IN BIO | 

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You slowly got yourself back together over the next few months with the help of your friends. Y/B/F practically came and lived with you for the first month because you became morbidly depressed.

You ate junk food most nights because you couldn’t be bothered doing anything. You slept most of the time because it was just a way for the pain to go away.

But you got yourself up every day and made yourself presentable. You didn’t let your emotions get a hold of you at work. You had people to take care of that were in much worse situations than you, so you kept your emotions at home.

About a month after you ended things with Matty, you started to go out to parties again. Initially you really didn’t want to. All you wanted to do was stay at home and go to sleep but they all forced you out.

And in the end, you were really glad that they did because you felt better. You started to feel like yourself again. And you quickly got back into the rhythm of going out with your friends and having a good time again.

You also kept in touch with Denise and Louis like you promised, and you were so thankful they were still nothing but lovely to you. They still treated you like one of the family and you took Louis out to the cinema like you promised him.

He seemed to have a great time and the film that he chose was also surprisingly good, so you had a really good time too. You of course got him the McDonalds that you always got him when you looked after him for his tea.

You honestly loved the kid so much you wished he was actually your brother.

Over the next few months you were your old self again. You were happier and you made the most of the summer holidays whilst you had the time off. You went out so much you had to put everything in your calendar of your plans.

You barely had a second to yourself. You were going on a last-minute girly holiday which you were really excited about. The day before you were due to go away on that holiday though you had a little break down.

You were just thankful that your girls were there to pick you back up though. Matty had posted a picture of himself with Halsey and you just knew it was a couple’s photo.

You wouldn’t lie and say it didn’t make you upset because it really did. You just sat and cried about it for a good hour until Ava saw that he’d posted it and called you up making sure you were okay.

You obviously weren’t and she came around straight away. You told her how you just hated everything about the situation. You hated that you weren’t over it, you hated that your heart hurt every time you thought about him and you hated how you felt like you were nothing to him.

He meant the world to you and you still loved him. It just wouldn’t turn off and you were thankful that Ava just sat and listened to what you had to say.

But she called the other girls around and you had a good afternoon together until you had to go your separate ways so you could finish packing for your holiday.

You were going with Ava, Stacy, Y/B/F, Caroline and Alisha. They arranged it as a surprise for you for your birthday and they somehow let your school give you the time off so at least you got to miss the holidays with all the children taking up the pools.

You were away for your birthday and you were so excited to spend your birthday in the luxury of an all-inclusive holiday. And that seemed to be the cure that you needed for your heart.

Whilst you were there you and the girls when to various clubs where you pulled different guys and you didn’t feel sick afterwards. You found yourself having fun and you got your old mentality back.

You got more dick over there in the space of a week than when you started Uni and went to fresher’s week. The other girls were happy for you and you slowly felt yourself become more open to the idea of being single again.

You didn’t go for any of them more than once and on one night you managed to get 2 different guys to shag you. One at the beginning of the night and one at the end.

Needless to say, you were more over Matty when you came back off your holiday than when you went. You felt better about yourself and got your confidence back. And you definitely didn’t keep that to yourself.

You posted so many pictures on Instagram that the world didn’t know what hit them. Or you liked to think of it like that anyway.

And what made it better was that a certain someone had definitely seen them, and it proved your point that you wouldn’t be sad and broken like he’d left you forever.

And you knew he knew because you and Ava were chatting to Ross on the phone because things were still great between them. Ava was telling him all the gossip about everything that had been going on but was currently telling him that one of the guys you’d shagged was also staying at the hotel you were, and you kept running into him.

Ross ended up saying, “Jesus Christ Y/N, that’s gotta be the awkwardest thing in the world”

You and Ava laughed at that but before you could reply you could hear George shouting on the other end of the phone, “Is that Y/N? Put her on speaker”

Ross agreed and you had a chat to them when George started asking what was going on. George had been great with you. He’d kept in contact with you and you spoke every week or so. He knew you didn’t want to talk about Matty, so he kept everything light and he told you about the tour and how they were getting on.

You loved hearing the stories because you did miss Matty keeping you up to date with everything but at least you still had your best pal George.

“So, Y/N/N what have you been up to on your holiday?” George asked you and you smiled at how excited he sounded to speak to you.

“Getting dicked” You told him and both you and Ava started laughing.

“Check you out. How many you bagged so far?” George said seeming as excited as one of the girls.

“She’s up to six different ones in five days and we have still got two days left so I recon she’ll be on ten before we leave” Ava chuckled, and you let out a laugh at that along with Ross and George.

“Ohhh Yeahhhhh! Get me the dick” You joked, and George and Ross burst out laughing.

“Oh dear, same old Y/N” George sighed which made you smile.

“You know it Georgie” You told him, and you carried on your conversation for a little while.

All whilst Matty was listening in on everything because he was on the other side of the room to George and Ross.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When you got back from your holiday you all decided to have one more night out with your girls until you all had to return back to reality. And you were so glad that you did.

Whilst you were out you ran into some one rather unexpected. You’d been into Manchester with the girls but all managed to catch the last train back to Wilmslow, so it didn’t cost you a bomb to get back home.

You decided that you would go back to the bar that you usually went to because it stayed open till 3am and the vibe in there was always good. You went in and sat on one of the high tables with stools surrounding that had been abandoned.

There were about 20 different glasses still on the table but none of you minded and you went up to the bar to order you drink. Whilst you were up there though you looked towards the guy next to you and really recognised him.

After looking for a second but not realising who it was you looked away, so you didn’t appear to be a creep. The guy was really cute. He had a chiselled jawline with cute brown hair that was swept back like Ross’.

You waited patiently for the staff member to come and serve you but after a minute you felt the guys eyes on you. You looked back over to him and smiled when your eyes met his.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare you just look really familiar” He apologises and you felt relieved that it wasn’t just you.

You smiled and told him, “It’s okay. I thought I recognised you too!”

“What’s your name?” You asked the cute guy.

“Tom, what’s yours?” He told you but the name didn’t ring any bells.

“Y/N” You say, and you saw the wave of recognition fly across his face.

“Oh my god, it’s you” He gasps, resting a hand on your shoulder excitedly. But from the look on your face he could tell you didn’t remember him.

“You don’t remember, do you?” Tom asked and you shook your head with an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry, I’ve got no clue”

Tom then lent closer to you and said into your ear so you could hear him over the noise, “I won’t go down in history as the guy with the best pick up lines, but I’ll go down on you”

Tom couldn’t contain his smile as he then watched the recognition light up your face.

“Oh my god, yes, Tom, of course. You look great, how’ve you been?” You asked him like you were old friends.

“I’ve been great thank you, how are you?” He asked and then you chatted along for the rest of the night.

“You never called me for that drink” You pointed out and he started telling you about how he was going to call you the day after he met you, but he genuinely lost your number. When he came to check his phone, it was nowhere to be found.

Tom told you how he was gutted about it because he really wanted to take you out. You joked that he ‘lost’ it on purpose, and he told you multiple times that he really didn’t and to make it up to you he bought you a drink.

To be fair to him, Tom bought you drinks for the remainder of the night and you danced with him a fair amount until he whispered into your ear, “Do you wanna get outta here?”

Of course, you nodded your head because he was still one of the most stunning people you’d ever seen, and he’d been a perfect gentleman all night. He’d gotten a lot better looking since you’d last seen him and you didn’t think that was possible but there he was.

He had broadened up since last time, and you could feel how strong he was when his arms were around you. And you felt safe in his arms. Safer than you had done in a long time so when you woke up the next morning and he asked for your number you made sure that he gave you a quick call so the number wouldn’t be lost.

And that was how a blissful 2-and-a-half-year relationship formed. You started dating him straight away after that night and you got on like a house on fire. You told him about your past and your worries about another relationship just 3 months after your old one but he never pressured you into anything but that ended up being the best thing.

You fell into an amazing loving relationship and you were so horrendously happy. Tom was your Prince Charming and came and saved you. He gave you hope in the male species again and you were both so happy.

So, when Denise ended up seeing you about 3 months into your new relationship, she thought you looked like a completely different person. The light in your eyes was back and you seemed like yourself again which made her really really happy.

Initially though, when you took Louis out, she could tell you still weren’t yourself and only two weeks after splitting with Matty, she didn’t expect you to. The second time she saw you though was just before your birthday and you looked a lot better.

It was a week before you were due to go on you holiday and she’s asked you to babysit Louis the first time which you happily agreed to. However, when the front door opened at 2am you didn’t realise the surprise that was waiting for you.

Denise had forgot to tell you that Matty was also due home the same night so when you got up to greet Denise at the front door, your smile fell off your face when you saw who it actually was.

You both paused and gazed at each other for a moment until Matty put his keys down on the side. The action caused you to start being human again and your heart hurt slightly looking at him. After all you’d only been split up about a month.

You saw that he had lovebites on his neck that looked like someone had punched him it was that big. You found it childish, you were 23 now, did anyone really need marks on their neck anymore?

You could tell he was completely pissed as well. He stank of cigarettes and lager. You’d grown to love the slight smell of tobacco that always lingered around Matty but tonight he smelled fucking disgusting. It was like he’d been chain smoking.

“Why are you here?” Matty questioned and you frowned at him.

“Looking after your brother” You told him, wondering why he didn’t know.

“Right” Matty said before kicking his shoes off and continuing to chew the gum that was in his mouth.

When you didn’t get another response from him you nodded to yourself and grabbed your car keys from near where his now lay. You pulled the front door open as you mumbled under your breath, “Great chat”

“He’s fine by the way. Just in case you were wondering” You said before shutting the door behind you and pettily driving back home annoyed.

The next time you babysat for Louis was 3 months into your relationship with Tom. When you walked into their house Denise thought you looked amazing.

She asked who it was that was making you smile like a schoolgirl and you told her about you and Tom. She was over the moon for you and she said that the next time you came around she wanted to meet him.

“Well you’ll see him tonight. He’s going to come and pick me up” You told her. You were staying at his tonight because you were both going down to Liverpool tomorrow for a concert and you were going to spend the day out together before you went.

“Oh, I’ll hopefully get home before Matt does then to see him” She said, and your smile faltered slightly.

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry I forgot to tell you that Matty’s on his way back home tonight…” She started but you assured her you would be fine. 

There wouldn’t be a repeat of last time, you had moved on and you were happy again. You really didn’t care if you saw him again at this point.

Just after Denise went out you and Louis sat down and had a semi-serious conversation about what you both wanted to do. You gave him the choices of a movie night, cinema, bowling or crazy golf and he found the decision difficult.

Of course though, the first thing that Louis did was make sure that McDonalds would be involved which he was very pleased about when you agreed. He then decided that you would be going to the Trafford Centre to play crazy golf which you both found hilarious.

You both had a blast and after you’d been beaten by a child, you took him to McDonalds in the food area. You honestly loved taking him out, he never failed to make you smile and he seemed to love having you around. Since you’d met him, he really seemed to love you and you were glad that nothing had changed.

You ended up going to the arcade that was also in there as well where you managed to spend over £30 on nothing. The only thing you kept from your spending spree in the arcade was the pictures that you and Louis got at the photo booth and a teddy that he won.

Afterwards you then took him into HMV so he could buy a DVD that you both could watch when he got home. He chose Man of Steel which had just come out on DVD which actually turned out to be a good film. A lot better than the other Superman movies you’d seen.

After that though it was 11:30 and you reluctantly told Louis that he had to go to bed. You weren’t tight though you didn’t say it he had to go to sleep you just needed to keep up a good impression, so Denise still allowed you to come around and hang out with Louis when she went out.

“Okay, I won’t go upstairs and go on my PS3” Louis said as he hugged you goodbye.

You chuckled and hugged him back, “I won’t tell if you don’t”  

“Thanks for today Y/N” He smiled just as he was about to leave the room.

“You’re very welcome. I’ll see you soon, I promise” You grinned, and he said he would hold you to it.

After he went upstairs you got yourself comfy on the sofa and you turned on some shit TV. You got yourself too comfy though because the next thing you knew the front door was being opened and you’d woken up to the TV being a completely different programme than you left it.

You rubbed your eyes and picked your phone up. It was 1:30am and you immediately texted Tom to say you were ready to be picked up, you already couldn’t wait to get back to sleep.

Matty came into the lounge and seemed shocked that you were in the house. You smiled when he came into the room and tried to look past the shocked look on his face.

“Hey Y/N, what are you doing here?” Matty questioned but at least it was kindly this time.

“Looking after Louis again whilst your Mum’s out” You told him with a smile.

“Ah right, isn’t he like fifteen now? Shouldn’t he be staying home alone?” Matty thought out loud and you shook your head.

“He’s twelve” You told him like he should know.

“Oh, shit yeah” Matty said before sitting down on the other sofa.

“How are you anyway?” You asked him. 

You were curious, you couldn’t lie. You always wondered and you did miss checking in with him.

“Yeah I’m good thanks. You doing okay?” Matty asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, I’m great thanks… How are my boys doing?” You asked with a big grin thinking of the lads.

“They’re good, they’re good. I just dropped George at home for the night and Hann and Ross are the same as usual. Fucking idiots mostly” Matty grinned and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Oh dear” You smiled, and you checked your phone again.

After a second of silence Matty looked back at you and noticed you on your phone. “Do you need a lift home? I didn’t see your car” He asked genuinely.

“Ah no I’m good thanks, I’m getting a lift” You smiled.

“You sure? I don’t mind”

“Honestly it’s fine, he’s already on his way” You told him before returning back to your phone.

Just as Matty processed what you said and just as he was about to ask who was picking you up, your text alert went off. Matty watched as you grinned down at your phone before picking your jacket up from next to you.

“Actually, he’s here” You said standing up.

Matty stood up as well so he could show you out. “Who’s coming getting you?” Matty asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

“Just Tom” You said shrugging your jacket on and then pulling the door open. You didn’t even realise that Matty wouldn’t have even known who Tom was when you just said “Cya”

When you walked out you saw Tom walking up the driveway to meet you and you smiled at him. “Hey, thanks for coming getting me” You said before quickly pecking his lips.

“It’s okay” He said before he caught your lips again for a second and you smiled up at him lovingly.

You started walking towards his car, but you noticed Tom turn back to look at the door and nod (in a friendly way) towards Matty, who you actually forgot was there. You turned back and sent a little wave his way before you reached the car.

Matty watched as Tom opened the door for you and you climbed into the passenger seat of the car. After that Matty closed the door behind him now fully understanding the difference in your behaviour from the first time to the last time he’d seen you.

The first time you looked sad still, almost depressed but now 6 months since you’d both separated you were happy again and looked so much better. You still didn’t quite seem yourself because Matty knew your tells, but you looked happy. And that was something Matty could say he was jealous of.

He thought that maybe he needed a dose of the same medicine. So that’s what Matty ended up doing.

In the New Year it was officially put on both Matty and Halsey’s Instagram that they were a thing. People had been speculating about it for a while, but they had finally made it official and when you found out you could honestly say to yourself that you were happy for him.

You were in such a good place in your relationship with Tom that you didn’t think anything could put a downer on it. And it couldn’t.

You were so beyond happy, and everyone seemed to love him. Tom fitted in so well with your friends and your family loved him just as much as they loved Matty.

Even Denise loved him when she forced you to bring him around after a year of her not yet meeting him. She’d asked you to sit in with Louis for a night again but after not bringing Tom around to meet her multiple times throughout the year she said he could come and sit with you whilst you had your movie night in with Louis.

She loved him and she treated him like she’d known him for years. Tom seemed to love her too especially when she thanked him for keeping you happy for the past year.

She reluctantly went out after that and you all sat in and had a movie night. Louis had a list of movies lined up that he apparently knew you would love, and he wasn’t wrong. The kid probably knew your movie taste better than you knew you.

That night when Louis had gone upstairs on his Xbox you and Tom just stayed on the sofa and carried on watching movies. You ended up having a good night in and you ended up falling asleep with your head in his lap.

When Matty and Denise returned home together that night they walked into the lounge to find you fast asleep using Tom’s lap as a pillow and him falling asleep too. Matty’s eyes found you before they did Tom and he saw how peaceful you looked.

You looked just like you used to when you were curled up next to him in bed. You looked peaceful which was nice for Matty to see but his heart sank when he saw you were lay in Tom’s lap. Just a few years earlier you would be lay in his lap like that.

When Matty closed the door to the lounge Tom woke up and picked his head up off the sofa. He smiled at both Matty and Denise saying a soft, “Hey” and then quickly followed by an apology for falling asleep.

Denise said it was no bother, whilst Matty stayed quiet and walked into the kitchen. Tom softly woke you up and you got up and spoke to Denise for a little while. Tom chatted along with you whilst Matty kept himself to himself and only speaking when he had to, so he didn’t appear rude.

Denise loved to see you happy and it did make Matty happy too. He was glad he hadn’t ruined your life like he was slowly ruining his own. He was happy that you were happy.

~*~*~*~ 2016 ~*~*~*~

Your happiness with Tom lasted until January 4th, 2016. You’d had a great 2 and a half years with him but you both decided to mutually call it off. There wasn’t a future with him, well not the one that you wanted anyway so you thought it was best to go your separate ways and stay friends with each other before you grew to resent him.

But you didn’t mind. You looked at the split as a positive thing. And you found yourself getting back on track a hell of a lot faster than you did when you split up with Matty.

You guessed you’d grown a lot as a person the past 3 years, that or you were just happier because you hadn’t been cheated on.

Just after you’d split with Tom you got a text from George. It wasn’t about anything to do with Tom which you were sort of thankful for and the message the text contained made you unbelievably happy.

Hey Y/N/N. Hope your good! I just wondered if you wanted to come to the album release party again? We’re planning on dropping it Feb 26, so the party starts at 7 on the 25th. Really hope you can come, feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. Miss you loads, hopefully see you there x

Your heart melted at the message and of course you replied to him telling him you’d be there. You wouldn’t miss it for the world. The singles that they’d dropped last year, Love Me and Ugh!, were tunes so you were really excited to hear some new stuff from them.

After the breakup with Matty you boycotted their music for a long while until you could listen to Matty’s voice without getting upset or angry at it. You were glad you’d got past that stage because you had enjoyed their music for years and they had some really good songs that you sometimes just wanted to listen to.

January past by fast with you moving into your own little flat and getting your life back in order. You found it weird living on your own again, but you found yourself enjoying it at the same time. February came around quickly and one day you were in your car driving to the supermarket when the radio presenter caught your attention.  

“Right so we’ve got a new one here. It dropped today, February 15th 2016, and I’ve gotta say it’s a great song. It’s the latest single from The 1975 and it's off their new album ‘I Like It When You Sleep, For You Are So Beautiful Yet So Unaware Of It’. Yes, it’s a bit of a mouthful but I’ll tell you all right now it’s going to be a banging album” The presenter said just as you were pulling into your parking space.

“So here it is… Somebody Else by The 1975” He said and then the music turned up.

You parked the car and sat listening as Adam played the synth until Matty’s voice rang out, “So I heard… You found… Somebody else… And at first… I thought… It was lie”

It was needless to say that the song struck a chord with you. It was the ultimate break up song. One that you could dance and cry to at the same time.

You sat there contemplating what to do because by the end of the song you had a feeling the song wasn’t about Matty’s break up with Halsey last year. Different things about your relationship with Matty started flooding back to you and your heart sank at it.

The song should have been reminding you of Tom, but it really didn’t. You didn’t think you would be phased if you saw Tom with someone else and after a month of not being together it really should be playing on your mind.

But no. You thought about Matty and how it did sting when you first saw him with someone else. Like when he posted that picture with Halsey way back in 2013 after you’d split you remembered how heartbroken you were by it.

But it was another part of the chorus that made you think it was more about you than it was about Halsey. For a start you didn’t think Matty would write an anthem about her after she literally outed his private secrets when she released her album last year.

The song Colors was clearly about him and it actually shocked you when you listened to it. You wouldn’t have shared any of Matty’s secrets like that, so it made you question how nice of a person she actually appeared to be.

But the main reason the song struck you was the lyric “I’m looking through you while looking through your phone and then leaving with somebody else”

That line alone took you back to 6 months ago. Steve had invited you to another school reunion sort of party but this time everyone’s other halves here invited. So, because you and Tom were in the area visiting family you both went.

You walked in and hugged Steve because he was greeting people as you went entered the house. The place looked fancier than usual, but that was probably because now that you were 26 and all dressed like it.

You’d got there a bit late because you and Tom couldn’t put each other down so when you entered you could tell that your friends knew whilst you were late. Y/B/F came up to you and gave you a hug calling you a dirty girl and you couldn’t stop yourself from giggling.

Stacy and Alisha were also there, and you had a quiet giggle about it with them. With Tom not too far behind he was chatting to the other boyfriends that he knew well by now. You were all in happy relationships and you loved your little group dynamic.

As you were chatting though you felt arms wrap around you from behind and lift you up into the air. You let out a little screech until the culprit placed you back on the ground and you managed to get out of their grip to see who it was.

You turned to see the eyes of a very giddy George and you practically jumped on him to hug him. “Oh my god, Hey! How have you been?” You all but squealed.

George chuckled still hugging you tightly, “I’m good. How’s my favourite sister?” 

It was then your turn to chuckle and you told him, “I’m amazing thank you”

Once George had released you, you saw that behind George was Ross. You gave him a massive hug because you hadn’t seen him since he and Ava split up. You wished it would have worked out for them but unfortunately the distance was something Ava found really hard to deal with. You were just happy they were still friends with each other after they ended things.

Adam wasn’t far behind and you of course gave him a big hug too. He really was the cutest one out of them all and you missed him like crazy. He was always so clever, and you missed him coming up with guitar riffs all the time. Especially when he played something you knew that you could sing along to.

After you released Adam you saw that Matty was there too just a few feet behind them. You smiled at him and didn’t have the heart to not give him a hug like you’d hugged the rest.

“Hey” You smiled as you hugged him.

He hugged you back like any friend would and returned the pleasantries. You’d heard through the grape vine that he wasn’t with Halsey anymore and when she dropped Colors you’d been dying to speak to him.

“How’ve you been?” You asked him.

“Yeah alright thanks, hope you’ve been alright” Matty smiled at you.

“Yeah I’m good thanks… Can we have a chat later? When I don’t have to mingle anymore?” You asked him, hoping he would say yes.

“Yeah, sure” Matty nodded at you and you smiled at him before you were captured by another familiar face from high school.

Later on, you’d found him, and you went outside for a quick chat with him. He smoked and you got on with each other like normal friends which you were pleased by. You didn’t have any bad feelings towards him anymore. It had been 2 years and you were now in a happy loving relationship, so you had nothing to complain about.

You asked him how he was doing after the whole Halsey situation and he confessed to you that he was pissed off a bit when he heard the song, but he couldn’t do anything. You just felt the need to reassure him that you wouldn’t do anything like that.

“I guess I just wanted to make sure you knew that I wouldn’t do anything like that… I don’t mean like writing a song or anything but the stuff that we talked about… I would never dream of telling anyone else” You told him genuinely. You just wanted to make sure he knew.

“Not even our Tommy boy?” Matty joked, trying to make light of the situation.

But you wanted to keep it clear. No joking involved. 

“No, I haven’t and won’t tell him anything” You told him in a serious tone.

You watched as Matty took a drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke out in a long breath. “Why?” He questioned looking into your Y/E/C eyes.

“Because it’s none of his business. The stuff you decided to tell me in private aren’t and never will be my secrets to tell” You told him, finishing up with a kind-hearted smile.

Matty took another drag of his cigarette before blowing the smoke out the side of his mouth so it wouldn’t get you. He knew that you never liked to have the smell of cigarettes to linger on your clothes. 

He smiled slightly, “Thank you, I appreciate it”

“Anytime” You smiled before looking back inside seeing a bunch of people surrounding Tom that he definitely didn’t know. 


“Right, well, I better get inside and save Tom before he gets mobbed” You joked and Matty thanked you once more before heading inside.

The rest of the night was a fairly normal party. You drank like you normally would in a civilised place and you had a really good night. You had a catch up with everyone and barely had a moments peace.

But there was one moment when you did find the briefest of moments to yourself and that was went everyone was chatting around you and you took your phone out of your pocket and started scrolling through it. You were looking through the shit that you’d been tagged in on Facebook and twitter and found yourself smiling at it. You were happy in your own little world, just zoned out from everything around you.  

So, you didn’t notice Matty on the other side of the room, lent against the back door watching you. Matty found himself smiling watching as your grin got bigger as you scrolled through your phone. He knew you were probably looking at a stupid meme that Ava or Stacy had probably sent you, but he liked seeing you happy.

You were in your own little bubble for a few minutes and Matty found himself enticed by you, and you weren’t even doing anything. He just couldn’t stop looking.

However, Matty watched as your little bubble burst when Tom wrapped his arm around your waist from behind. You turned your head to look up at who’d captured you this time and smiled when you saw your handsome boyfriend.

Matty watched as you lent back into him as you put your phone away and he saw you looked to the ground nervously when Tom started whispering something in your ear. He watched as the smile that was already on your face turned into a big flushed grin and you nodded your head when you next looked up at Tom.

Matty didn’t know why but his heart sank. He knew exactly what Tom had just proposed you do and Matty felt himself deflate.

He didn’t know why though. He didn’t want you anymore but at the same time he didn’t not want you. Yes, you were beautiful, you always had been, even in high school but he didn’t want you like he once did when you were together.

All Matty could think was that he shouldn’t care but he did. He cared that you were happy, but he didn’t like to think about the fact that you were about to leave with someone else when the last time you’d both come to one of Steve’s parties you’d be leaving with him.

He didn’t even want to picture what you would both be getting up to after you’d gone. He didn’t want to think about how happy Tom made you. But at the same time, he was glad Tom made you happy.

Initially, when you dumped Matty, he thought that there was no way it would be forever. He just thought you’d come back around, and you’d start up again. He didn’t think that when you split it would be the last time that he saw you for more than 2 minutes in 6 months.

But from the time he saw you for 2 minutes to now he saw the huge difference in you. The first time he saw you, you still looked broke but the next time you looked a lot better and more like yourself again. And when he saw you with Tom that time that he’d come home to you both on the sofa you looked so happy that Matty longed for that happiness.

Matty then watched as you then went and tried to slip out with Tom unnoticed. But your eyes found Matty’s and you sent him a small smile that he knew meant bye. He smiled back at you and nodded his head to signify that he was saying a silent goodbye.

So, as you were sat in the car listening to the song you found a stray tear running down your face. And when it ended you sat there for ages wondering what to do with yourself.

“Fuck” You whispered, wiping the tear from your face. 

Somebody Else was about you.

~*~*~*~*~*~

February 25th, 2016 rolled around quickly and for the occasion you decided to dress yourself up a bit. It was too cold for a dress, so you made the effort of wearing wet-look leather pants with a pale pink shirt. You finished your look off with a leather jacket and some black heels that you loved.

You had your hair down and you actually felt pretty for the first time since you’d split up with Tom. You hadn’t had an excuse to go out yet, so you were definitely making the most of this occasion.

You did your make up simply too. Nothing too out there but you also didn’t look like you made no effort. You just went with a natural eyeshadow with a winged liner and you were proud of yourself after you’d done it.

When you got to the venue that George told you about you gave your name to the guy on the door. He asked for your ID and you happily gave it him.

You were really excited to see your old friends; you hadn’t heard from them in a long time. Too long, considering you used to speak to George almost every other day.

You’d missed Ross too since his split with Ava, but you understood it. People needed their space after a breakup. Even if they were still going to be friends afterwards.

You climbed the grand hotel stairs until a member of staff showed you into the function room. Even before you walked in you could hear the rumble of hundreds of voices and it only became louder when the door opened.

When you walked in you were overcome by pink light. You’d seen their new album cover and loved it, but you didn’t expect there to be this much pink at the party.

But you were wrong. Littered around the side of the room were loads of neon signs and you recognised some that you saw. There was one on the stage that’s simply said, ‘The 1975’ and you had to say it looked very aesthetically pleasing.

You didn’t see anyone that you knew directly in front of you, so you just went to the bar to get yourself a drink before looking around all the different neon signs.

You recognised the ‘Love Me’ one and the ‘Ugh!’, along with Somebody Else and The Sound. You couldn’t believe that they had released two bops a week after each other and you were sure that there would be more on the album.

You were already proud of them for their new stuff and you wished you’d got a chance to tell them in person before now. In all honesty you wished you were in contact with them more often than you actually were.

You hadn’t spoken to Matty since Steve’s last party and you had only texted George about a month after that. You hated to message them, you always felt like you were interrupting as they were always away and knowing your luck, they would more than likely be on stage when you texted.

You walked around the noisy hall wondering around the neon lights. You guessed that they were song names from the album, and that thought was confirmed when Adam found you.

You saw Adam’s cute smile as he made eye contact with you from just across the room. He excused himself from the people that he was chatting to and came over and gave you a big hug.

“Hey you” You chucked as his arms wrapped around you.  

“I am so glad you’re here Y/N/N” He whispered into your ear and you let out an ‘awh’ as he held you.

“I’ve missed you so much Adam” You squeezed him again before letting go.

Adam chuckled, “I’ve missed you calling me Adam”

“Oh no, have they made you forget your first name?” You joked but Adam nodded, and you couldn’t contain your laughter.

Adam laughed along with you, “You know them, I don’t get my first name and they bully me”

“I’ll hit them for you, don’t worry” You chuckle shaking your head before turning slightly to look around the room.

You noticed the pink vibe again and looked towards the ‘Lost my head’ sign and you had to say, “I’m loving the pink vibe you’ve got going on”

“Yeah it’s cool innit, it’s all the song names” Adam smiled.

“Ah I love it” You said just before your name was shouted across the room.

“Y/N Y/L/N” A voice boomed, and you turned around wide eyed to see George stood on a chair pointing at you.

When you realised you weren’t in trouble you laughed at the sight in front of you. The wild head of hair that was George Daniel jumped off the chair and came towards you with his arms wide open.

“God, I have missed you” He grinned, and you chuckled telling him that you missed him too.

Ross soon followed and after you were done hugging him you saw that Matty was around as well. He sent you a grin and you couldn’t help but grin back.

“Come here you” You smiled walking towards him so you could give him a hug.

Matty wrapped his arms around you, and you did the same to him. He gave you a tight squeeze and he said, “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good, how are you?” You asked before letting him go.

“I’m really good thanks” He smiled at you and you now stood with the boys surrounding you in a chat.

“How’ve you all been anyway?” You asked them after the pleasantries were out of the way.

“Yeah were good, been busy but glad it’s all out of the way for now” George smiled at you and you nodded.

“Yeah I bet you all are, stressful times releasing new songs and an album” You said remembering from the last time they released things.

They all nodded around you and you were all smiling like giddy school children. Ross then grabbed your attention and asked, “Have you heard any of the new ones?”

“Of course, I have” You smiled and smiled at them. You were stood near the neon sign that said ‘The Sound’ so you moved towards it and announced, “This one’s a fucking banging tune”

You held the bars it was attached to and they all smiled at you. You grinned as the pink light illuminated all their faces and you had to say that pink was a good colour for them.

Especially when it contrasted with their dark clothing. You were at least glad to see that the black jeans and black shirts were still around.

“Ah you like that one then?” Adam asked you and you nodded.

“I like them all. But as always I’ve got my favourite” You told them moving back towards them again.

“And that’s The Sound?” George questioned with a grin, but you shook your head.

“Nope” You said holding your answer back until one of them asked.

“Which one is it then? Love Me?” Adam asked.

You shook your head and chuckled, “Nah, Somebody Else is such a tune” You told then with a smile but then made slightly longer eye contact with Matty.

You think for a split second you saw something click in Matty’s eyes and he knew that you knew. You weren’t bothered by it at all. He was entitled to write songs about his own feelings, that was completely fine. You just didn’t expect him to articulate his feelings into words so well.

But you knew Matty had a way with his words. The whole of the first album was practically a 70/80’s teen movie and you loved every song on that.

“Well if you think that one’s a good one, you should wait until you hear the rest of the album” George said taking your attention again.

“I’m so excited to listen to it tomorrow” You smiled.

“You’ll hear it later tonight” Ross pointed out.

You smiled, “True but you know I like to listen to new music properly”

“Ah yeah, so you’ll be annoying Tom all day with our music then?” Adam asked you.

“No actually, it’ll just be me” You smiled, realising where the conversation was headed. 

You forgot no one would have told them at this point.

“Ah no where’s Tom escaped to then? Is he here by the way?” George asked, looking around the room slightly to have a look.

You softly chuckled and with a soft smile, “No, it’s just me. I’m not with Tom anymore”

At this you watched as all of the smiled fell off the boys faces, and you saw them look between each other for a second not too sure what to do. They looked completely shocked and, in a way, it was almost humorous because that was what everyone’s reactions had been like.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” George asked, pulling you into him to give you a side hug.

“Yeah I’m fine, it’s been a month and I’m honestly fine” You smiled wrapping your arm around his back.

“You don’t have to say that Y/N, your allowed to not be okay”

You chucked and looked around at them all. “No honestly I mean it, I’m fine. It was a mutual thing and it was for the best. It was probably more my decision than it was his”

“Well as long as you’re happy, we’re happy” George said before kissing the top of your head.

You nodded in confirmation, “I’m happy, don’t worry”

You looked towards Matty and you could see that he was giving you the look that screamed that he was trying to figure out if you were being truthful or not. You smiled at him knowing what he was doing and gave a little nod.

Matty seemed to accept this with a wary look but he gave you a smile. He could also see that you didn’t really want to talk about it, so he changed the subject for you.

“So, what do you think of the new theme?” Matty asked you, gesturing around the busy room.

“If you’re on about the pink, I love it”

“Yeah, you even dressed for the occasion” Adam pointed out with a grin.

“Haha I didn’t even realise I’d done that” You laugh looking down at your pink shirt. “But yeah I love it. But what the fuck is up with the album name?”

“Blame Matty. You know how poetic he likes to get” Ross said pushing Matty’s shoulder in a playful manner, which you giggled at.

“Of course” You trailed off with a grin and Matty shook his head at the situation. However, they were then pulled away from you which you obviously didn’t mind about.

You decided to wonder around the room and take in all the neon signs. You liked to guess what each song was about by the song title and what it sounded like and when Matty came up to you about 10 minutes later he seemed to have guessed that’s what game you were playing.

“That one’s an instrumental. No lyrics… Well not really anyway” Matty explained from just behind you and you turned to him and smiled.

“You got a lot of instrumentals in this album?” You questioned as you continued to walk around the neon signs.

Matty followed you and confirmed, “Yeah, we’ve got a fair few. The one named after the album is a long one”

You chuckled and turned around towards him, so you were now slowly walking backwards. “Really? … Is it as long as your hair?” You giggled.

Matty laughed at that and then ran a hand through his hair, smiling, “Yeah, I decided to keep it long” 

You grinned back and chuckled as you reached up and started running your hands through his hair. His curls had gotten really long since the last time you’d seen him and now he also kept a little bit of hair on the sides.

As you ran your fingers through it messing it up, Matty grinned but then grabbed your wrists so you’d stop. He pulled you towards him and brought your hands down so they were trapped between the both of your bodies so you couldn’t continue.

“You really haven’t become less annoying, have you?” Matty joked, still grinning and keeping you in place.

You shook your head and giggled, “Nope” 

You shared a laugh with each other before you turned around and you started looking at the neon signs again. You walked and chatted with Matty for a bit until you stopped dead, when you saw what one neon sign in the distance said.

“Wait, you’ve got a song called Paris?” You asked him with your eyes were glued to the sign.

You just about tore your eyes away from it when Matty said, “Yeah”

After a long second, you decided you’d just ask, “Is that one about m- “

“Just the chorus… Just the chorus on that one” Matty confirmed offering you a smile.

You didn’t really know what to say to that. You obviously didn’t mind, if anything you were glad that you helped him make his amazing music in a way, but you didn’t know what to say about someone writing a song about you.

“You’re quite the muse Y/L/N” Matty smiled before walking towards the ‘Somebody Else’ sign and tapping the bars that held it up a few times.

“Did you actually like this one?” Matty asked and you could tell he was genuinely curious of your opinion. Just like he was with your reactions to the songs on the Self-Titled album.

“Yeah I loved it... You made me cry” You told him honestly.

Matty walked back towards you and offered you a sad smile, “I’m sorry”

“Don’t apologise, it’s amazing. I really really loved it. You’re very good and putting your feelings into words... I’m glad I’m friends with a lyrical genius” You smile at him.

Just as Matty was about to reply you heard your name being shouted by a familiar voice and then a body running to you and wrapping their arms around you. You looked down slightly and realised that it was Louis.

“Oh my god, hey!” You gasp feeling more excited than when you’d seen the boys.

When Louis let you go you asked each other how you were, and you were thankful he was doing great. You quickly fell into a conversation with him and Matty started to feel like he was third wheeling a conversation. But at the same time, he couldn’t stop smiling at you.

Your eyes flicked down and noticed Louis had a drink in his hand and your eyes went wide.

“Wait what are you drinking?” You questioned.

“A double vodka and coke” Louis told you like it was no big deal. But it definitely was to you.

“Oh my god! Does your Mum know?” You asked with wide eyes.

“Yeah she’s over there, she bought it me” He told you nodding towards where Denise was stood. 

You already couldn’t wait to chat to her.

“Oh my god. I’m gettin you drunk tonight” You grin before pulling him into you for a side hug.

“Finally” Louis grinned, but you frown at him.

“Wait, Matty hasn’t done that yet?” You said looking from him to his older brother.

When you were together Matty always said that he couldn’t wait until he was older to get him completely drunk. You actually couldn’t believe he still hadn’t done it.

“Not yet” Louis said whilst Matty shook his head before taking a sip of his own drink.

You guessed it was now your responsibly to get practically your little brother wasted.

“Well I’m gunna get you very drunk whether your brother likes it or not” You grinned.

“Well you can put them all on my tab. Fill your boots kid” Matty smiles and you grinned at Louis excited face.

“Just don’t share a bottle of vodka with anyone” He told Louis sternly.

“We don’t need it getting that messy at this party” Matty said looking up to you with a little knowing smile. 

God, it seemed like so long ago that you were sat in that bathtub with him drowning yourselves in that bottle of vodka.

You chuckled at what Matty said and nodded in agreement. You really didn’t want Louis to be getting up to that. In your mind he was still a cute and innocent 10-year-old child like he was when you first met him.

After that, the night moved on and you did get Louis quite drunk with Denise and Tim’s approval. You were doing shots every 10 minutes with him by the end of the night and he was definitely enjoying himself. But he was definitely going to have the worst hangover in the world the following day.

When it reached 2am you were feeling tipsy despite having loads of drinks. You should have been on the floor asleep like Louis practically was, but you felt okay. You felt like you could keep going another few hours.

“Y/N, you up for going out?” George asked you, waving you over to the circle of people that had congregated.

You walked towards the group and nodded your head, “Of course”. You smiled looking at the people around you. It was the boys, John, Jamie and their manager Jamie.

And you did all go out after saying goodbye to everyone and you had a really good night. Jamie Oborne left you all at about 3am, you could tell he only came out because the boys had forced him too and he didn’t want to say no. But it was nice to see him again after all these years, and he was still as lovely to you as ever.

You got on with the rest of the lads like you’d never left. So much so, that you were absolutely drinking them under the table and you probably put away more alcohol any of them by the time you were kindly asked to leave the bar.

John and Jamie said their goodbyes to you before they jumped in the closest taxi and then you were just left with your boys. “I don’t wanna go home yet” You whined in the empty street.

You wrapped your arms around Ross wanting one of his comforting hugs like you used to get all the time. His pulled you into his arms as the rest of the boys stood around you debating what to do next.

“Everywhere’s closed though Y/N/N” Ross pointed out as you hugged him. 

You whined closing your eyes. You just wanted more time with them.

“We could just go back to ours? I’m sure we’ve got bottles of stuff back there?” George suggests and you jump at the idea.

And that’s where you all ended up in Matty and George’s flat. It was a different one to the last time you’d been which you were sort of thankful for. You didn’t really want to think about that depressing time when you were having such a good one tonight.

You end up drinking in Matty and George’s flat for another hour or two and you all seemed to be having a great time. Even when the boys started slowly falling to sleep you were still having a great time because you still had someone to talk to.

Matty, of course, wasn’t tired and was still keeping you entertained with his chat. You missed seeing them all, so you were really glad you had the night out with them. You were really thankful that you’d been invited.

You were sat on the ground cross legged in front of Matty. The other boys’ snores from next to your ear hand it difficult to hear what Matty was saying to you moved. You’d been sat like that for 20 minutes before you realised that you needed another drink.

“Do you want another drink?” You asked Matty as you attempted to get up. Your head was now fuzzy, but you still knew what you wanted.

“Sure” Matty smiled.

“Sweet, can you help me up please” You asked him, reaching your arms out to him.

Matty chuckled and took your hands in his before holding them tightly before pulling on them. You then got up with ease and you grabbed both of your glasses.

Matty watched as you walked to the kitchen door and he saw you wobble your way into the room. He saw things going south so he decided he should probably be a good person and stop you from having another drink.

Matty got himself up and made his way over to you. He watched as you stood at the counter trying and failing to pour the vodka into the glasses.

A bit of it spilt over the side and Matty smiled at your attempts before he took the vodka bottle off you and put the lid back on it.

“Come on Y/N. You’re half asleep” Matty pointed out before you could ask why he took the vodka away.

Matty saw that your eyes kept dropping and he could just tell from your body language that you were tired. “Come on” Matty eased you out of the kitchen by taking your hand.

You practically fell into Matty when he pulled you out of the room which caused him to throw an arm around your shoulder so he could keep you up if he needed to.  

In your drunken and drowsy state, you leaned on Matty to get you into the correct room because you really couldn’t see straight. You felt him lead you through into a room and he made you sit down on what was a really comfy bed.

“Matty, I’m cold” You whine wrapping your arms around yourself.

“Oh god, not you cold” Matty joked but he said it with a smile.

You let out a little giggle at that and watched the long-haired boy in front of you twirl on the spot like he was looking for something.

“Here you go” Matty said picking up a black hoodie that was hung over a chair in his room.

“Thank you” You said already beginning to shiver.

Before Matty knew what you were doing, you took your shirt off over your head and you were sat on his bed with just your bra on your top half. Matty’s eyes widened before he turned away from you to give you some privacy.

He busier himself by routing through things on his desk until a minute passed and Matty looked at you and you were in his first album hoodie. He watched as you immediately climbed into his bed and lay yourself down.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Y/N” Matty said as he grabbed a blanket from the floor and headed towards his bedroom door.

But before he got to the door, you called him, “Where are you going?”

“George’s room” Matty tells you, holding his blanket up to show you.

You shook your head at him. “No, I’m cold. Come warm me up like you used to” You whined.

“Y/N/N...” He started but you interrupted him.

“Don’t leave me cold, sad, and alone. Please” You pleaded.

Matty stopped at that and turned the light out. He shut the door and made his way around to the other side of his bed whilst asking, “Why are you sad?”

Your eyes adjusted to the darkness as Matty’s got under the covers and he put his arm around you. You turned toward him and hugged yourself to him and rested your head on his chest.

“I just miss you guys so much” You half whispered, feeling a lump in your throat. But Matty could still hear the sadness in your voice.

At that revelation Matty started rubbing your back to sooth you more than to bring you warmth. He didn’t really know what to say to that other than the obvious.

“We’re only a phone call away” He said as he pulled the covers up around the both of you some more and then continued to rub your back and your arm that now lay over his stomach.

“Yeah but you’re all busy and I never wanna bother you and I don’t wanna make things awkward more than it already is after everything. It’s just when I lost you, I lost them too and you know...It hurts a bit” You rambled holding back tears but Matty could hear your emotion in your voice.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I really am” Matty told you as he kept a hold of you.

“It’s okay” You whispered.

“No. It’s not, but I’m trying to be better. I promise. Screwing you over really fucked me up for a long while and I don’t wanna do that to anyone again” He said honestly, and he felt you take a fist full of the top that he still wore.

“I just want you to know that I’m actually sorry. Like really sorry” He expressed, and you could hear that he meant it.

“Thank you” You half choked out but the way you said it pained Matty. It hurt his heart to hear you upset again.

For a second you debate asking something that’s been on your mind since things ended between you. You didn’t really want to ask and bring it back up, but 2 years was a long time to wait for your answer.

“Can I ask you a question?” You asked him.

Matty nodded his head saying “‘Course you can”

“Was it just her or was there anyone else before?” You asked reluctantly.

It took Matty a second to realise what you were talking about until it clicked for him and his heart sank. You must have wanted to know the answer to that for years and you’d had to live not knowing.

“It was just her. I promise. I’m a dickhead, it shouldn’t have even happened the once. I am genuinely so sorry” Matty told you.

“Did I do anything wrong? Like did you do it because I wasn’t doing something right?” You asked, the lump in your throat making it difficult to get out.

“No” Matty admitted holding you slightly tighter. “God no… You were the best thing that ever could have happened to me Y/N. I was just a fucked up prick who couldn’t see what he was about to mess up. I genuinely hate myself for it”

He then felt you let out a shaky breath at that and his hand started rubbing your back more. He felt so guilty that he’d caused you this much pain that you obviously still felt over 2 years later.

You had never felt any relief like the one that just ran through you.

You took a second to collect your thoughts until you found the courage to say, “If it helps, I don’t hate you for it anymore”

“How - Why?” Matty asked finding it unbelievable. He didn’t understand how you could have forgiven him for it.

“If it hadn’t happened, I would have never found Tom again and you would have never got with Halsey and even though we aren’t with them now they both still made us happy”

Matty wanted to say that he thought that Tom made you a lot happier than Halsey made him. Not because she did anything wrong, just the fact that Matty was wasted and high all the time and it was another relationship that broke down because of his recreational activities.

Matty felt the urge to ask you about what happened with Tom, but he thought against it. That was a question for another day. So Matty turned the subject to something a bit lighter.

“Hey, you know if you miss us you can call us whenever you want, right? We miss you too. We miss everyone” Matty assures you with a sad smile on his face that you couldn’t see.

“Even Steve?” You questioned with a little laugh.

Matty chuckled, “Yeah but only a bit. He’s still an arsehole”

That made the both of you chuckle and after a minute you were both lay in silence. The only sound that could be heard was the both of you breathing and you felt quite peaceful.

You didn’t know whether that was down to Matty’s presence or the alcohol though.

You craned your head up to try and look if he was still awake and when you saw him move to look down at you, you got your answer.

“Thank you” You told him.

“It’s okay” Matty replied, not really understanding what you were thankful for completely, but he had a few ideas to choose from.

You lent forward and your lips found his for a few seconds. You felt his arms still for a second as the action must have surprised him slightly.

It was just a small and simple kiss. One of forgiveness and thanks for taking care of you. You’d missed him a lot the past few years and you’d finally got the apology and answers you’d so desperately wanted after such a long time.

You pulled away and you rested your head back on his chest. You listened to his heartbeat to try and lull yourself into sleep like you used to.

“Night Matty” You yawned as you closed your eyes.

Matty put his head back down on his pillow and started to rub your back again. “Goodnight Y/N/N” He whispered with a smile.

~*~*~*~

The feel of his lips grazing up your thigh makes you lightheaded as you once again felt the sensation of Matty being between your legs. The anticipation of what was to come had you gripping the bedsheets and your breathing was a little shaky.

Feeling his lips on your skin once again, felt amazing even when he teased you by ghosting over where you were aching for him and proceeding to carry on kissing up your body. His hands felt like they were everywhere at once, his body consumed yours in the best way. He knew what you liked so he repeated what he knew.

Matty pushed your hoodie up exposing more of your skin to him and you allowed him to take it off you. He hadn’t even done anything yet and your breathing was already ragged, and you were excited for the first time in a long time.

Matty pushed you back down onto the bed and the way he looked at you with those lustful eyes made you want him to take you there and then. But you knew Matty liked to drag things out and the way his eyes danced across your exposed chest you could tell he would take his time.

Matty lent forward and kissed your lips a few times before his lips started to trail down your body. Eventually, his lips attached to your chest and you couldn’t contain the moans that wanted to escape your lips anymore.

You weren’t even trying to keep the curly haired boy off you. You wanted him to carry on.

“Matty” You groaned trying to get his attention away from your chest. You wanted more than just his kisses.

It didn’t seem to be working so you repeated yourself, “Matt” and you knotted your fingers in his long curly hair and pulled on it.

Matty looked up into your eyes and by his look alone he made you nervous. Especially as he got closer to you. You hadn’t been with him for so long and the thought made you nervous.

In a good way though. You just hadn’t thought about him in that way for such a long time. Yet you wanted him like it was only yesterday you started seeing him.

“I’ve missed you” He said in a low husky voice that he knew drove you insane.

Between his kisses you managed to say, “I’ve missed this” which makes Matty groan.

Matty’s lips connected with yours and you moan at the contact, especially when his hand moves down between your legs and he starts pleasuring you like he used to.

You moaned into his kisses which were needy and rough, both of you getting exactly what you wanted from it. You felt lucky he could tell exactly what you wanted so when you were about to ask for more Matty curled his fingers inside you which caused you to moan loudly against his lips.

It dawned on you that you’d wanted this for a long time. You wanted him again, and nothing about this was something you’d ever regret. You really wanted him. You wanted Matty.

Just as things were about to escalate further, you were startled by the sound, “Y/N”

You opened your eyes to a very mundane setting with your heart beating rapidly. You looked around slightly and realised you were in Matty’s new bedroom and you were lay on his chest, the same way you’d fallen asleep probably only a matter of hours ago.

You looked up at him with wide shocked eyes. You couldn’t believe you’d just had a dream about him almost fucking you whilst lay in his arms.

“You okay?” Matty asked you.

You nodded clearing your throat, “Yeah”

Your heart was rapidly thudding in your chest and it took you a few deep breaths to calm yourself back down. You realised you had hold of a fistful of his top that he still wore, and you slowly let go of that as your breathing returned to a normal rate.

“Sorry, you were breathing dead heavy and it sounded like you were having a nightmare” Matty told you.

You rested your head back on his chest in your previous position before letting out a long breath.

“No, it’s okay. It was just a dream” You whisper already starting to fall back to sleep but Matty was now wide awake after that sentence.

He thought you were groaning and calling his name in your sleep because you were scared. A smile appeared on Matty’s face at the realisation that you were actually dreaming about him in a completely different way.

He chuckled silently to himself before he hugged you slightly closer to him. And Matty fell asleep with a smile on his face.

At least you still thought about him the same way he thought about you.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Taglist: @the-girl-before @dot-writes @lololovestaylor @murderousginger @peachquestions @siwiecola @nostalgic1975 @fairyyyfloss @theycallmenefi @colette2194 @maroonmolly @sexycleopatra @mrsprescott @fullmoonremus @whenthe-smokeisinyoureyes @minigranger @bitcheswithbrokenhearts

#matty healy #matty #Healy #the 1975 #matty healy x reader #matty x reader #matty the 1975 #matty healy fanfic #matty healy imagine #matty healy fluff #matty healy blurb #matty healy x you #matty healy x y/n #the 1975 fanfic #the 1975 imagine #the 1975 fluff #george daniel #george the 1975 #Ross Macdonald #ross the 1975 #Adam Hann #adam the 1975

[jewpacabruhs]

bruv im still jus. wow. theres so much to say but. do u kno how good it feels... to be jewish, to accidentally fixate on one eric cartman & love him more than any other fictional character for almost seven years now, and then to see him in a little yarmulke, standing at kyle's side while he recites from the torah? do you know how validating that is?

i gotta get personal for a second here. idk how, but in the last few yrs my relationship with my own jewishness has been deeply influenced and intertwined with south park, as ironic and ridiculous as that sounds. i grew up secular, completely nonpracticing; as a child, i was only ethnically jewish, and saw jews as strictly an ethnicity, and a popularly hated one to boot. and it scared me. ive talked about it before, but as a child hearing about the shoah and about antisemitism, i couldn't understand. i thought it was looks for a while, which confused me, because ive got blonde hair and blue eyes and all my family that got caught up in nazi europe did/do too. i remember thinking as a second grader that i would've been spared for that reason; why didn't a good chunk of my family? but i grew up in a mormon neighborhood, with plenty of other blonde kids, and they stayed away from me like i had a disease. this was before puberty, before my hair got a little frizzier and my nose got a little bigger, when i looked just like any of them. but already, at age 8, i was an outsider. i wasn't one of them and i never would be, and they wanted me to know that.

and then i started to get it. it clicked even more once i got to high school and got called a kike every other day - but prior to high school, you know what i found, and you know what really pushed me towards understanding what being a secular jew in america meant? south park. and as a dumb little sixth grader with no critical thinking skills, you know what shaped my opinions on my own people? south park.

and that's good and bad. good because i do sincerely think kyle broflovski is excellent fictional representation for jewish people, maybe one of the top few ever shown on television. he gets on my nerves at times, but he's good through and through, he's well written and multi-dimensional, he's not a walking stereotype but he still has prominent jewish features that jewish viewers can look at and see in themselves, his morals and viewpoints and beliefs are obviously deeply influenced by judaism, hes deeply proud of his heritage and culture... and that all means a lot to me. and by the amount of jewish sp fans that adore kyle, it means a lot to them too.

the bad thing is, yeah, i can't deny it, during older seasons, cartman's treatment of kyle probably taught a lot of young and dumb viewers how to view jews in real life. have i, as a kyman shipper and cartman stan, justified that within a fictional and narrative context? yes. but it doesn't change the real-world effect; south park, but specifically cartman, since he's the mouthpiece, likely did cause some easily-influenced people to pick up antisemitic beliefs. did this contribute to the rise of the alt-right? debatable, but to some extent, possibly. was that m&t's intention and should south park be canceled and denounced? fuck no, i'll always love it lol, and fuck censorship. but it is something that should be taken into account.

matt and trey clearly regret that, and understand that it's no longer acceptable or fitting or needed in today's sociopolitical climate - or, okay, maybe they don't even regret it; they just understand that when fiction becomes reality, the fictional jackass isn't necessary when there's one right there in real life, sitting in the oval office, yeah? old cartman doesn't deserve or need a voice, not when real, awful people actually have one right now. and m&t are actively trying to change cartman for the better and really, really backpedal on his bigotry, while still doing it in a way that makes sense from a story-telling perspective. it's not a complete uncharacteristic change of character; it's shifting with the times and writing it into the character's arc so that it's a logical and plausible development in cartman's story.

cartman's behavior in the last few seasons is consistent character development. m&t themselves are pushing it, and clearly it's sincere; cartman's not faking. unless they're building up a surprise twist over the last, what, three to four seasons, that he was faking the whole time! woah! if so it better be a damn good pay off, because that's a lot of time invested. though that seems more forward-thinking than sp tends to be. they're intentionally stuck in the short-term, aren't they? plot-wise. but their character development is pretty long-term, and right now, cartman is consistently decent, and if it comes across as faking, it's because cartman's over-dramatic in how he speaks, and trey does that intentionally.

that's a tonal thing, and it's hard to say in a fictional character, but as someone who struggles with empathy myself, empathy and sincerity don't go hand in hand. you can lack empathy while still caring enough to sincerely and wholeheartedly apologize for something and mean that apology. not feeling remorse doesn't mean you can't apologize genuinely; the two don't go hand in hand. you can be mentally ill in any capacity, even a psychopath, and still deeply care about things or people, just not in the way someone else might. so you can headcanon that cartman's still a psycho/sociopath, though right now that's actually kinda going against canon, but don't rain on other's parades if they're happy he's exhibiting healthy growth. besides, and i repeat: what could cartman exploit out of faking sincerity for several seasons? nothing, so why bother? he wouldn't, unless it's literal in-show subconscious growth.

does that mean he's magically developed empathy? no. is it becoming less probable he's a legitimate sociopath/psychopath (while still possibly having better-disguised antisocial tendencies)? yes. does he seem to have better coping or anger management skills? somehow, yes! he seems to be legitimately healthier. does this mean he's no longer accountable for his past misdeeds, and even his present, less-severe ones? of course not! and you can still hate him all you want, but modern cartman is not the same as older cartman, and shouldn't be treated as such. because is this growth? absolutely.

he's clearly healthier, even happier. he's less angry, he's still a little shit but he no longer relies on bigotry or cruelty or anger to get the negative attention he thrives off, rather he gravitates towards being simply annoying. you know why he called ice? pettiness, immaturity, a little bit of spite, and a need for silly revenge. he's being intentionally petty, but going about it in a sly but no longer psychopathic way. less hannibal lector and more, idk, regina george, lol. extremely different on the antagonist scale. and cartman's been both.

and maybe it's personal bias on what type of human is worse within fiction, someone unstable and bizarre with violent tendencies (which is how he's come to be viewed in pop culture & some of the fandom, as a result of eps like scott tenorman must die), versus someone inclined towards pettiness and more silent and, i dunno, social-status-and-pride-driven types of revenge (cartman in general when he's not being particularly awful, tbh)... but i think it'd be pretty universally agreed that the latter is at the very least more tolerable, manageable, and even likeable - and certainly more redeemable. let's put it this way; if cartman continued on the path he was on, he'd be one of those tiki holding fucks, wearing a confederate flag hat, and he'd treat kyle soooo much worse. instead, m&t have turned him into a hypocritical false-woke ignorant dumbass - but that's strongly less problematique than it's counterpart, and it works.

because cartman simply serves a different narrative purpose now. and that's not sloppy writing; it's well-timed evolution of a character that stepped into a pre-9/11, pre-trump, pre-social media world! so much has changed, and south park is reflecting that in its characters, most notably in a character who was stuck in the, what, 1960s with his beliefs? that was fine way back when, but matt&trey are smart dudes - they understand that sometimes things have to change. besides, they love cartman, too. he's their favorite. but they understand that when real people act like him, it's not so comedic or satirical or funny, & they don't want to look at cartman, at their creation who they've invested twenty-two years in, and see the all-too-real hate of modern radical white america.

i think we know enough about matt&trey's social stances these days, and the empathy they've seemed to develop after having kids, to understand that they're no longer in their "apathy is best, everyone is stupid" phase. current south park is left-leaning and admittedly preachy at times, but i wouldn't want it any other way. g-d knows it's better this way than if they'd embraced and decided to appeal to their right-libertarian following instead. cartman's evolved in a progressive and positive way, and it's fucking dope, especially to us cartman stans who so badly want him to be good. and he is good right! he's doing so good!

and i know im up my own ass rn but yall know how much i myself have campaigned for jewish kyman/cartman and how much i just deeply and truly adore it, and to see it actualized in a canon episode to some extent? that meant the world to me. i couldn't believe my eyes. i was tellin lai - that's the most genuine, pure, almost violent happiness ive felt in my soul in years. that was like a straight shot of serotonin to the heart. that simple little scene made me so fucken happy yall dont even know. & theres a lot to be said about the political commentary and plenty of other people are analyzing that, but im a simple jewish kyman & cartman stan and boy ive been fed good fjskfkdkdkfk!!!

#in other news #sickly jew shay had her vision white out at school today and almost fell down the stairs #my grandpa has been given a week to live #AND the anniversary of the most important person in my life's death is approaching #and i turn fucking 19 soon and i always have birthday crisises #so fucken superb! #in happier news family guy airs soon and it's unfortunately still a fixation of mine so im unjustly excited #lissen stewie's worn a yarmulke twice in fg canon and i cried then #i love cartman approximately... 50x more than stewie jus bc of longevity and. nostalgia and favoritism #i was in legitimate hysterics #sp continues to be my light at the end of the tunnel jfkskf #mine #txt #sp spoilers #theres so much here im sorry i ramble sm #i struggle w wordz and usin em ironically

[benisasoftboi]

In Which I Explain The Entirety of Star Wars, Despite Being Very Much Unqualified To Do So

I have only seen one Star Wars movie - it was The Last Jedi. I saw it, with no context, two years ago in theatres when it first came out. I was very surprised to find out that it made a lot of people very angry, because I quite liked it, as did the friends I saw it with. I can’t say I remember much though.

All the rest of my Star Wars knowledge comes from its generally inescapable nature in the pop cultural zeitgeist. I might have seen a bit of Episode 6, which I don’t know the name of, when I was round a friend’s house once, but I was very tired, and it was about a decade ago anyway.

That’s just some context for my lack of qualifications to do this. My friend said I should still do it anyway. I will not be looking anything up as I write this, so all spelling mistakes and other general errors are mine. 

So anyway - The Entirety of Star Wars:

Original Trilogy 

There is a guy called Luke. He is played by Mark Hamill and he is George Lucas’s self insert. He lives on a planet where there is only sand, because in this universe all planets have only one terrain, I think. He drinks milk. The milk might be blue.

A guy played by Liam Neeson finds Luke. I think this guy’s name is probably Obi Wan Kenobi, but I might have that wrong. At some point he will die tragically and it will be formative for Luke, but then he will also come back as a ghost. Ghosts exist in this universe. 

Possibly Luke has known this guy for a long time or possibly he is a stranger, I am not sure. Somehow they end up on a spaceship.

Luke needs to learn how to use magic powers called the Force, which seems to be mostly telekinesis, and also lets him use a really fancy but probably impractical sword called a lightsaber that shoots blue or sometimes green or sometimes red light. This is called Jedi training. Jedi Knight is a religion. You can claim to be one on the census in the real world. They seem to be really serious people despite having a silly name.

Everyone also has guns that go ‘pew pew pew’ and nerds get really mad when you make fun of that.

Luke will meet many colourful and interesting people on his journey. These include:

A woman played by Carrie Fisher who is also his twin sister but he doesn’t know that until after they kiss. Her name is Leia or maybe Laia. She has silly hair. At one point she wears a slave bikini because she’s enslaved to a gelatinous blob because that’s just how it goes when you’re the woman in a 70s sci-fi movie

A guy called Han Solo because he is Edgy and Does Things Solo. He and Leia have a romance and it’s Drama. He also has a spaceship that people will build very impressive lego replicas of. He dresses like a cowboy. I’m 90% that he is played by Harrison Ford

A bunch of walking teddy bears called Ewoks who can kill you and live in a jungle

A guy called Lando Calrissian who I think wears fancy clothes and that’s all I know about him, he might actually be a villain I’m not sure. He might die?

A little blue robot who hid behind some rocks one time and then in the re-release he hid behind more rocks than before and the fans got Mad

A big gold robot who is nervous and gay and might be gay for the little blue robot, like they might be married but that also might be a meme I’m not certain

A weird green goblin thing called Yoda who makes Luke carry him around and speaks in broken English that annoying people have spent the last thirty years imitating. He dies, but then is a ghost so it doesn’t matter really

A guy called Boba Fett who is a bounty hunter. I genuinely have no clue how he fits in to all of this. He might not actually be from Star Wars, maybe I’m mixing him up with something else. 

Luke is also trying to fight the Evil Darth Vader who works for an Evil CGI Emperor of the Evil Empire. They live on a big spaceship called the Death Star and it looks like a moon but isn’t and people think it’s funny when you point that out for some reason. They are the Dark Side, which makes them easy to root against because they’re just cartoonishly evil I guess. I think they are also bureaucrats. They have Stormtroopers, who might be brainwashed people or might just be robots, or might even be clones. They all wear identical white armour with helmets so people don’t care when they get shot. Kinda like fencers.

Darth Vader is actually Luke’s father and this is a twist except not anymore. This means he is also Leia’s father, I’m not sure if she knew. Also Luke loses his arm. Darth Vader gets redeemed and then dies but also takes down the Evil CGI Emperor with him.

I don’t know what happens in any of the movies, but I know that the first one ends with them getting plans for or from Leia, not sure, the second one has the dad twist, and the third one has ghosts. Also they blow up the Death Star by shooting a garbage chute really hard. 

Prequels

These movies are widely disliked. The first one has too much bureaucracy. They are about Darth Vader’s backstory. He used to be a guy called Anakin. He will Become Evil. He will also meet many colourful characters. They include:

His love interest, who is called Padme. She wears a silly hat and dies of a combination of Childbirth and Sadness. I saw this bit happen one time when I was a kid and I was stuck round my mum’s friend’s house and her son was playing through this part in the LEGO game. It was sad

A guy with a red face whose name might be Maul and has robot legs? 

A guy called Jar Jar Binks who everyone seems to simultaneously hate and feel a desperate need to make sex jokes about 

Angry Jedi People

Probably some robots

Anakin hates sand and is pretty but grumpy. His hatred of sand is what will prevent him from finding Luke in the original movies. He falls in a volcano and gets turned into a robot man and it’s very dramatic. He has an angry red lightsaber. He murders a bunch of children by executing Order 66. Or maybe that was in the first set of movies I don’t know. I’m not sure how they made three of these movies, there doesn’t seem to be much to them.

Also there is something called ‘mitoclorians’ and I don’t know what they are but they make nerds Very Mad.

Expanded Universe

There was an expanded universe, but Disney said it wasn’t canon when they bought the rights, so now it isn’t. If I were a Star Wars fan, I would not take this lying down, because what right does Disney have to say what’s canon? Why is it up to the copyright holders? They are a corporation, not a writer. Expanded universes are always really fun and full of wacky nonsense that would never get put in the mainline stuff. I don’t like it when people try to dismiss them. 

Stand Alone Movies

When the new trilogy started, they also made some stand alone films. They were called Rogue One and Solo. Rogue One is about a woman named Gin or Jinn or Jin or Ginne or - I wish I hadn’t restricted myself to not looking anything up - Urso. The spelling doesn’t matter because she dies. So does everyone else. Then Darth Vader shows up.

Solo is about Han Solo and his friends and they have an adventure and there’s a robot who wants robot rights but she dies so no one has to address the slavery thing. Also apparently it was going to be a comedy but got reshot as a drama. I hope I never watch it because that sounds terrible, even as much as I like Donald Glover who I think is in it probably. I think his character might have been in love with the dead robot.

Sequel Trilogy

These movies are about a girl called Rey. She makes nerds mad by existing and being the protagonist. She is Space British. She is a scavenger and is friends with a really cute little orange robot. Somehow she ends up in space. She starts hanging out with Older Leia’s crew, which include a pilot named Poe Dameron and a guy called Finn, but I don’t know why he’s there. People ship them with each other, and also with Rey. 

The other person people ship Rey with is Kylo Ren, who I call Space Zuko because when I saw The Last Jedi, he showed up and I was like ‘oh, it’s Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender but in space’, because he has bad hair and is angry about his Daddy Issues. I hope in the next movie he gets better hair and fewer Daddy Issues like Real Zuko did. A lot of people get really angry about Rey and Space Zuko being shipped together, but they’re still the most popular ship on AO3. So no matter what happens in the next one, nerds are going to be mad about it, and I am not looking forward to it.

Kylo Ren killed his dad, Han Solo, because he was radicalised to be evil for reasons I don’t know. The guy who runs the New Evil Group, which is called the First Order, is an ugly CGI guy called Snoke. It was apparently a Big Twist that Kylo kills him Last Jedi, and it made nerds really mad. I don’t understand why people were surprised, because when I saw the movie, I saw that guy and was like ‘oh he’s gonna get killed by Space Zuko because that would be Drama and also from a production standpoint having a guy who needs lots of special effects is much more difficult than just having Adam Driver wear a scary mask’ and then I was right so maybe I’m smarter than all the nerds. 

There is also a guy called Hux and he is a ginger. I think he is evil.

The other thing people got really mad about was that Rey’s parents were not established characters. People wanted her dad to be Luke, I think, who is in Last Jedi. I was happy about this because I like Mark Hamill. He spent the movie teaching her about the force while they hang out on an island with a race of merchandising opportunities called Porgs. He dies at the end but he might be in the next one as a ghost anyway. 

Also there was a girl called Rose and people decided that not liking the character meant they could be mean to the actress, which is not true and everyone who was mean to her should be ashamed. There was another woman as well, but I don’t remember her name, she had purple hair and was serious and I have no idea if she was good or evil. 

Kylo Ren’s real name is Ben which is not very sci-fi. Maybe that’s why he changed it.

Though come to think, Luke isn’t a very sci-fi name either. 

Anyway, that’s everything I know about Star Wars.

Feel free to ask me questions about Star Wars and have me try to answer.

Do not, under any circumstances, try to actually explain Star Wars to me. I’m much happier as is, thank you very much

#star wars #long post #misc #long essays about niche topics #luke star wars #leia star wars #oh they have surnames #luke skywalker #leia skywalker #han solo #kylo ren #rey star wars #darth vader #anakin skywalker #yoda #hux star wars #and others #i guess #i dont know #obi wan #obi wan kenobi #is that all the important ones? #poe dameron #finn star wars #last jedi

[ilcuoreardendo-fic]

Overall Thoughts on TROS

It's definitely a Star Wars movie. Full of pew pew and snap-hiss crackle. There's not much time to stop and absorb anything because it's just go go go: we have a lot of fanservice to give and not a lot of time to give it.

I enjoyed myself. I'm just kind of....whelmed. (Neither over nor under.) It was fun. But with the ending of the trilogy, I’m finally able to put all my thoughts together (or at least somewhat together) and I have a lot of them...but I think they can be somewhat summed up like this: I wanted the sequel trilogy to be something more than what it was. But I digress.

Spoilers under the cut. Including my peeve with "generational midichlorians." Yeah. Kind of like “generational wealth.”

Also, this is stream of thought. Not a well put together essay/analysis.

Specific things I liked:

Confirmation that Leia did train as a Jedi (and built a saber).

The festival on Pasaana. (Honestly, this is the kind of thing I like most about Star Wars - seeing the worlds and the peoples [humanoids or otherwise] on them.)

The Dyad Bond. More than a Force bond. Two sides of the same coin. Not just able to see the other but to physically interact with the other (Kylo taking Rey's necklace; Rey giving Ben the lightsaber.)

Poe and Finn running things together. (But it would have been better as space boyfriends. Come on, Disney.)

The voices of the past Jedi. In Star Wars, no one is ever really gone.

Things I didn't Like

A trilogy complaint: the lack of tight, cohesive storyline. For the love of god, this is not the 1970s and you are not George Lucas with a one-off idea. Disney is a megacorp that purchased the most well known story/franchise in history and you're going to come into this thing and fucking wing it? Stop!

Palpatine introduced in the crawl. This goes back to my issue with the lack of a solid overarching storyline for the trilogy. This feels like shoehorning in a bigger bad. There should have been some hint of this from the beginning. And since JJ did TFA, I'm looking at him. He could have laid down some foundation instead of just questions in TFA. (Outlines! People, come on.)

Tying on to those first two things: Exposition. Oh, Snoke? I created him. All those voices in your head? Yeah, that was me. I know there was a comic that showed the abuse Ben Solo suffered at Snoke’s hand. This stuff would have been good to see within the trilogy. Cut down on some of the extraneous characters and pew-pew moments and give us some depth by showing us not telling us. (I know it’s Star Wars, but come on.)

Retconning Rey's lack of lineage. Don't retcon things because some parts of fandom don't like it. Tell the story being laid out. Do not pander. The whole point of TLJ was that those of lineage don't own the Force. The Jedi and the Sith do not own the Force. The Force just is. And you don't have to be from a specific bloodline to have a strong connection to it. The reason Rey was so strong was already established in the earlier films. Snoke said: Darkness rises and Light to meet it. The Force isn't a passive element; it seeks a balance. That's why Rey was so strong. We didn't need the "Oh, well, generational midichlorians, ya know." Sigh. We could have even kept the whole Palpatine as the hidden big bad without having Rey related to him. "Darkness rises and Light to meet it" applies to Old Palpy as well.

Redemption and Death. This is a peeve for me. I'm tired of the "redeemed through sacrificing my life" trope. For once, I'd like to see the redeemed bad guy survive and go out into the world and work on actively making things right. Ben's death was poetic and all. And it did run counter to Anakin in that he was able to save/bring back to life the woman he loved. But.... I want more. I want different. I was never expecting Reylo on screen or happily ever afters and riding off into the sunset. But I was hoping for something different than Return of the Jedi, Part Deux. I don't even have to see it. (In a less than two hour movie, that's not going to happen.) Just give me a hint.

There are more things, but they can pretty much be taken from these articles:

The Lack of Anakin Skywalker

From a storytelling/craft perspective. All of this. In all of the newness and nostalgic fan service, we just didn’t get the ties to the first six movies.

https://screenrant.com/star-wars-9-rise-skywalker-disrespects-darth-vader-anakin/?fbclid=IwAR1JG34DPkgKF1ho9cs6cP_qDEcQB7Tu0mwBgA0KGLhK-AvDwoylp27eUiE

While the sequel trilogy shouldn't be bogged down by too many ties to past movies, it should be the culmination to a nine-part saga that had, thus far, revolved around the rise and fall of Anakin Skywalker. To feel cohesive as episodes 7, 8, and 9 as opposed to just another trilogy that happens to take place after the first six movies, the final three movies should be tied to his legacy as well.

Lack of Substance, Lack of Loss, Too Much Myth

https://www.cbr.com/the-rise-of-skywalker-star-wars-rian-johnson/?fbclid=IwAR3TRCtLL-Uxehr7Vn2U2CmSkhbX4pmWXXUHcv3eWX-4RD0TCvpfhf6xipk

In The Last Jedi, Johnson uses conflict as a means to make the situation direr. Every flashy scene pushes the plot forward, but it pushes it in a way that makes it more clear the heroes are in over their heads. Holdo lightspeed ramming those ships? It's beautiful and epic, but it also leaves the Resistance vulnerable. The Kylo/Rey fight against Snoke's guards? That's a crowd-pleaser, but it also ends with Kylo Ren leading the First Order.

In every fight, there was some risk. And, as Yoda puts it in The Last Jedi, "The greatest teacher failure is." Every character learned from their failure, no matter how severe it may be.

There is plenty of fights in The Rise of Skywalker that are intended to entertain fans of action, but they add precious little. Chewie dying? Oh, no, he's fine. Wait, a planet blew up? Oh, no, don't worry, all the relevant characters on the planet escaped. Hold on, Palpatine electrocuted every ship in the sky? Oh no, none of the characters fans liked died. Don't worry. It's a lot of style, but we never get that substantial loss.

Things I'm Mixed About

There will probably be more of this as I digest but, right now:

The Kiss

I’m always the person rooting for the conflicted villain to come back to good. To become, if not a hero, then an anti-hero.

And I’m a Reylo shipper. I glommed onto the Bastilla Shan/Revan vibes, the Hades and Persephone symbolism, etc. from the get-go.

I’m glad to see a kiss between the two. It gives me a warm fuzzy. But it’s so sudden, it feels somewhat dizzying. But then Rey and Ben are probably having an entire conversation as they’re sitting they’re staring at each other, so...

The Tatooine Ending

It's fan service. I get the whole nod to where things started, with the dual sunset. Luke looked out on the horizon wondering what was out there in the galaxy. Rey's doing the same, but from a different perspective (she knows something of what's out there, but she still doesn't know what the future will hold for her as the last Jedi).

But functionally, I'm just like...why bury them in the sand? Keep them with you. Start a new training temple and keep them there.

Also...all that sand. Anakin’s turning in his grave. Rude.

Things People Have Complained About that I Don’t Mind

This has mostly been from other Reylo shippers, but....

“Rey stuck on Tatooine” She’s not stuck. She has the Falcon. She went to bury the lightsabers. Luke already told her, essentially, to not do what he did and cloister herself away. I don’t know why some people think she was going to build herself a new lightsaber and become a hermit on Tatooine.

“Rey’s lack of grief over Ben”

This is a Star Wars movie. In a Star Wars movie we don’t really see grief. We see a bit with Leia, but that’s in large part because Carrie Fisher died and this was essentially a memorial for her on film.

Beyond that...characters die all the time throughout every movie. (Look how many died in the battle between the Resistance and Final Order. And what do we get? Partying. Congratulations. Kissing. “Yay, we’re still alive!” Not grief.)  Maybe we get a funeral or a mention in passing, but we don’t really see characters working through their feelings.

I’m sure Rey did her grieving. And may still be. Grief changes form as time passes and it looks different from person to person.

#star wars: the rise of skywalker #ben solo #rey #reylo #kylo ren #tros spoilers #star wars #star wars sequels #star wars sequel trilogy #outlines people outlines

[neioo]

Fanfic Rec! ( • ω • ) 

Rules I’m constraining myself to: I’ve either had to read the fic more than three times and/or have thought about it years in the future. (This means I’ll have to leave out some other fics I really enjoyed reading and thought were well written) 

A bunch of different fandoms will be under the cut! (as I expose what I ship across the board too lol)

We’ll Meet Again by George deValier (usuk) (complete)

This is the first fic of george’s that I read, and I’ve read it multiple times, and it’s been integral in my shaping of characterizations within my own hetalia fics. I could include all of his works, but this one stands out the most. I also listen to the vera verse songs and get extremely nostalgic, so there’s that

WW2 AU. London pub owner Arthur Kirkland is driven to distraction by loud, brash American fighter pilot Alfred Jones. Unable to stop it, Arthur finds himself falling for Alfred’s charms… just as the pilot is preparing to leave for war.

Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue… by anonymous (pruaus) (unfinished)

This fic is odd in the sense that I found it while suddenly getting on a pruaus kick, during which I followed a bunch of pruaus people on tumblr. Eventually, I would find out years later that I was going to the same college as one of these people and become friends with them. So not only does this fic have a nostalgic tie to it, I find the story brilliantly written with wonderful characterization, though it is in a weird format.

Inspired by the film 500 Days of Summer, I’d really like to see a couple meet and fall in love, but eventually one (or both) ends the relationship because they realise it’s not working/they can’t imagine spending their whole life with this person/what have you. I’d really love to see how the relationship develops, with the happy times and the eventual bad times as it falls apart, and then the hope of finding love elsewhere.

Redeemer by CocoaCoveredGods (L x Light, Mello x Matt, Mello x Light) (complete)

I can’t tell you how happy I am that I found this fic after 6 or so years. I can’t tell you how nostalgic is makes me for my death note phase, remember when I would read this in my mom’s office, minimizing the fic on a laptop I hope she never checked. The writing is phenomenal. The format on this site is wonky, but doable to read. (I’m even reformatting it myself right now). It’s mostly everything I could have wanted in a death note fic; it even inspired my own very complex death note AU back in the day. In some alternate reality, I wrote that instead of AWH. I plan to maybe make a personal paper copy for myself of this fic I love it so much. It is on the level of George’s stuff on how much it means to me.

The story takes place *after* Death Note ends, although the main characters have not died. Here the Yellowbox Warehouse is essentially the pinnacle of L's 6-year long offensive against Kira, who believes L to be dead, when he really isn't. L faked his death, and proceeded with the case behind the cover of his three top heirs, Mello, Matt and Near. Kira himself doesn't succumb to his defeat, but is instead rescued at the last moment by his nemesis lover who decides that a more apropos end to the God of the New World is not death--but redemption, in the form of a new case and a 5th so-called Kira, that L and Light must bring down together... or risk losing everything. Yes, there is actually a plot LOL Buuuut, this puppy has yaoi and pairing's aplenty. LxLight and MelloxMatt are technically the mains, but when you cut straight down to it, this is a story about Light and Mello and how they go from hate to need, from enemies to lovers, and maybe even something more...

and indeed there will be time --orginally by lawlietismyfavorite, but they have since deleted their account :’( (the fic is still on AO3, though!) (L x Light) (unfinished)

I love death note, okay? After the beautiful live action series came out (the recent japanese one not that fucking netflix shit), I felt the need to read some fanfic of the series again, and I found this. HOLY SHIT. It’s a soulmate AU that goes through the plot line of the manga/show and fuck. Light is Ace?? The writing is so good?? 

L is the greatest detective of not only this century, but of six centuries. And then there’s Light.

Between the Lines by Klitch (Fushimi Saruhiko/Yata Misaki) (complete)

I’ve read this fic about 5 times and have accepted it as canon for this stupid show

The first time Yata saw him the kid was sitting in the corner of the cafeteria all alone with his bought lunch spread out before him, painstakingly picking out the vegetables and stacking them according to color and size.

Picking up the Pieces by SilverThunder (Fushimi Saruhiko/Yata Misaki) (complete)

I really like K. It’s a weird show, and it has copious faults. Maybe I just really like that the characters have so much potential, and this fic (as well as the one above) truly expands on that potential. This fic is an excellent exploration of these two character’s relationships, there’s just the right amount of angst. I’ve read it multiple times.

A whole year, gone from his head just like that - and how many memories could you fit in that time, anyway? It wasn’t a question Yata thought he’d ever have to ask, but with so many things changed between Saruhiko and himself, he wasn’t about to leave it alone.

It just sucked that the new world they’d built was still so easy to break.

to be first, to be best by kittebasu (chanyeol) (iwaoi) (complete)

haikyuu!! is odd for me because I don’t care about it anymore, but I really like this fic, and I’ve read it about 5 times. The characterization is on point, and the story is extremely well written.

Hajime is apparently something of a masochist, and as he stares down at the tie-dyed AREA51 T-shirt in his hands, he thinks“I’m totally in love with this asshole, aren’t I?”

Cat's Cradle by evocates (Fujioka Haruhi/Ootori Kyouya/Suoh Tamaki) (complete)

every new years eve, since 2011, my brother and I have watched Ouran High School Host Club. for the past 4 years, I have read and re-read this fic without fail in the days after

Kyouya had been able to see the red threads between people’s fingers since the day he was born. A song of fate, and the breaking of. Tamaki was a man who could never be predictable. Vague spoilers up to Chapter 63.

"Relationship Stuff" by arokitty, Ponderess (shinara) (complete)

This fic helped me realize I was asexual. It’s beautifully written.

"Relationship stuff" — that's what Yasutomo kept calling it on the occasions we discussed how things were going between us. He never failed to say it dismissively, as if it was an annoying plague he was forced to put up with. But even when I told him that he could opt out of it at any time, he did not pull back.

[lithromantic asexual Shinkai, aromantic asexual Arakita, quasiplatonic Shinara]

You Really Ought To Know by isengard (midotaka) (complete)

I really like this ship, and out of all the fics I’ve read of it, this is the one I adore the most (obviously enough to read it three times)

The Fates have an important message for Takao Kazunari.

A Gradual Fall by grassandcitrus (originshipping) (complete)

This maybe isn’t the best written fic, but it has a lot of heart, and for a ship that there is little content for, this fic served me well. It’s hard to write a realistic pokemon AU, but this feels grounded. For whatever reason, this ship still means a lot to me, so when I get in the mood for it, I’ll re-read this fic.

Meeting Wallace turned out to be a life changing event for Steven. He realizes that pretty early on. Other things, however, come with time.

The Punchline and the Resulting Silence by youremyqueen (thiefshipping) (complete)

from the author: “so i went ahead and wrote ygotas fic because, hell, if LK can record videos in which he vocally flirts with himself while playing video games, and then write gay porn about it, I sure as hell can write gay porn about it too.” yeah. 

In which Marik destroys many household appliances, Bakura naps doggedly, and they sometimes pretend - with very little success - not to be in love. (YGOTAS, thiefshipping. ridiculousness meets poeticism meets more ridiculousness.)

Six Days As Boyfriends by sitabethel (thiefshipping) (complete)

I just really like this ship and I have since I was a 14 don’t @me

In order to avoid talks of arranged marriage, Marik convinces Bakura to trick Ishizu into thinking that they're in love.

The Longest Job & The Smallest Favor by emanthony (hisoillu) (complete)

everyone in like march-ish of 2018: omg in the new update of hxh illumi says that he and hisoka are engaged!

me having watched 10 episodes of hxh 4 years ago and having a faint idea of the series: who?

me: *looks up fanfics of them*

me: *finds these two*

me: *proceeds to read them 15 times and gets obsessed with the ship*

Illumi is forced out of the Zoldyck estate and seeks a living arrangement with an associate. He's not altogether pleased with it.

Hisoka is a floor master at Heaven's Arena and has the unexpected pleasure of spending time with one of his oldest acquaintances. He doesn't share Illumi's frustrations.

///

A sequel to the Longest Job, another HisoIllu fanfiction.

Hisoka and Illumi have been living together for six months now without much trouble. But when Illumi's youngest brother goes missing, Hisoka manages to make the situation just a bit too complicated and much more fun.

Lessons in Etiquette by KnockKnockBadminton (promtis) (complete)

I knew nothing about this video game but for whatever reason decided to look up fanfic for it after seeing some fanart, and then because this one was so well written, I, again knowing absolutely knowing about this video game or the series it’s a part of, binged the entire 164k fic in like two days. I’ve also re-read it and convinced my brother to buy the video game as a result. He refers to them as the “leather boy band” and sends me updates about his play through lmao

Begins in high school. From Prompto's desire to befriend the sullen, bullied prince blooms a relationship even the Astrals themselves could not have foreseen. Basically fills in the gaps from Brotherhood to the fall of Insomnia. Some liberties taken.

say it like you mean it by spaceburgers (takuleo) (complete)

Ever since playing the video game, I loved the dynamic between these two characters, and this fic is a wonderfully crafted and fun to read AU staring both of them.

Wherein Leo is a transfer student, Takumi is overly competitive, and they're doing Romeo and Juliet (but not as the titular roles).

#the hour i spent doing this was fun c: #miscellaneous #the fandoms are uh.. #hetalia. death note. k. pokemon. yowyapeda. fe fates. hxh. final fantasy. #ouran high school host club which i know that's spelled wrong #haikyuu.. kurko no basket. and yugioh. #lmao that's a mixed bag #anyway \o/ feel free to check them out but i also made this for my own reference haha

[anotherenglishstudent]

April Round Up

“Her laughter sounded like April showers, like whispered secrets, like glass wind-chimes.”

This month has been a weird one. I came home from uni at the very start of the month and celebrated Easter with my family, then promptly organised a whole bunch of things to do to fill out my four (yes, four) weeks off. It’s been great; I saw friends, did a little overtime, got two essays done, visited my boyfriend, visited my sister’s uni, played some mini-golf. It’s been a really good month in terms of productivity and enjoyment, and my mental health is at a real high recently; I talked myself out of my stress by time-tabling things and realising just how much I can get done when I really concentrate, and since picking up running again I’ve found more energy and motivation to get on with a whole range of things. Now the end of the month has arrived, and all I’m doing is comparing the past with the future. I’ve had four great weeks, and now all I have to look forward to is three rubbish weeks of revision - which I’ve never been good at. I’m basically being a bit mopey, so before I get too down about it, I’m reminding myself of the small things: I’ll see my friends now I’ve returned to Leicester, I can blog, and go running, and share a slow morning with my housemates, and even slower evenings cooking with my boyfriend. This time of year always sucks for those still in education, but that doesn’t mean you’ve got nothing to look forward to.

April Successes…

Work. Not a change of job, but a change of focus at work has made me so much happier. It’s still not a thrilling job, but learning something new and mixing it up a little is really refreshing. Plus changing my shift means I get a bit more time to myself which is always a win.

Met my boyfriend’s family for the first time this month! Personally, wouldn’t have said I did amazingly - was very shy and quiet - but I am really happy that I did it. Was lovely to meet them, so counting it as a success.

Focused really hard on my uni assignments this month and have been ahead of things, meaning I’ve felt so much less stressed lately. That’s probably a combination of things, but definitely proud of myself for getting the work done and sticking to the schedule I set myself.

April Faves...

Book/s: Rochester, Selected Poems So April hasn’t really been a month for books. Everything I’ve been reading has been with the express purpose of preparing me for an exam. Hence my book choice this month. That being said, I don’t want you to dismiss this as a ‘too literary for me’ book or ‘another poetry book I won’t understand’. Granted, Rochester was writing in the 1600s meaning things aren’t always super easy to understand, but he is also surprisingly crude, lewd, and - dare I say it - funny. His poetry came as a shock to me when I first read it, but I fell in love. People from the seventeenth century talk about sex? Who knew. So even if you’re not gonna read all of his work, give him a google and see if you can relate to The Imperfect Enjoyment.

Music: Staying at Tamara’s, George Ezra I’ve got Rhi to thank for this one! She put one of his songs (‘Shotgun’) in our group chat and though I’m usually slow on the uptake when people tell me to listen to songs, she never lets me down. So I stuck it on, could tell instantly why she loved it, and then went ahead and listened to the rest of the album. And haven’t stopped since. It’s easy-listening, and optimistic, and I’ve had it on whilst I’ve been completing my assignments over easter. I’d especially recommend ‘Pretty Shining People’.

TV: Ordeal by Innocence This was a 3 part BBC adaptation of Agatha Christie’s novel of the same name. I hated it at first, I won’t lie. Each character is vile in their own way, and I saw no redeeming features in the Argyll family, but my parents were watching it and my boyfriend was messaging me about it as he watched it, so I figured I’d stick around so I’d have some idea about what was going on. Though I maintain that the family is...well, dysfunctional, to put it mildly, they were an intriguing lot and I soon found myself eager to watch the next episode. Short, snappy, full of plot twists, it ended up being a really interesting murder mystery. Though I hated every character, I needed to know who had done it, and by sticking around for that I got a flood of other information which actually made it enjoyable. So worth the watch.  

May Plans...

Number 1 priority in May is also why I’ve been so quiet lately: university. It’s reached the end of the year which means assignments and exams. I’m not too stressed about things (impressive, for me), but it definitely needs to be my focus. I only have the one exam but I’d really like to be prepared for it since I never do very well at exams.

I want to set a schedule to this whole blog thing. Not sure how at the moment, but want to set something up so I have structure. Something to make it easier to keep things going even when I feel less inspired to write.

Picked up running again recently so this is more of a keeping it going than anything else. A minimum of once a week is the aim!

#blog #blogger #blog post #april #personal #life #rochester #poetry #george ezra #staying at tamara's #ordeal by innocence #agatha christie