#gah i want to edit so bad i love editing.....

[targkso]

COMPLAINING ABOUT THE FIC (that I am willingly writing) IN THE TAGS.

#HELP ITS SO LONG #I did NOT want to write over 50k #alas I am at 43k and still have another 20k+ to go #also im realizing i DONT want to use captain's name as frequently as i am #so now i have to edit THAT out #and i still have sooo much i need to go back and add #for the Themes #this fic will be the death of me i know it #gonna try and hit 45k tonight minimum but whew #screaming yelling crying #GOD AND I NEED TO SPLIT CHAPTER FOUR #which is STILL unfinished and now is 16k #but i simply Do Not want to split it. #For The Themes #gah i want to edit so bad i love editing..... #but alas. i must write the damn thing first #wish me luck soldiers o7

[waitmyturtles]

Friends, family! Some updates and questions on the Old GMMTV Challenge -- if anyone catches this post, I would love your input! (AND THANK YOU for all the input on this watch journey so far, I LOVE YOU, FAM!)

1) Love Sick. Oh my gosh, I am TOTALLY enjoying this show. Yes, lots of problems, LOTS of issues, and I get to enjoy the BL cuts, so I’m missing all the messy het context (thank GAWD). 

But seriously -- oh my god, oh my god. Noh and Phun are like, a canon Thai BL couple? They’re SO PERFECT FOR THE JOB. It’s so amazing, they’re so amazing. Noh is so insane and WISE. Phun is SO CRAZY IN LUV. I love that Phun just CANNOT HOLD BACK! THOSE EYES! (This guy is my TUL?! TUL?!)

So watching Love Sick now makes me regret, by quite a lot, not watching these shows chronologically. I think it would have helped me a lot to watch Love Sick before SOTUS, but alas, I let my curiosity about Singto get the best of me. More on this in a second.

2) @absolutebl, @clairificusrex, @nieves-de-sugui, and anyone else who wants to chime in! Question for y’all: I found this playlist on YouTube for BL cuts of Love Sick season 2. Do these edits look reliable to you? I unfortunately have to multitask at all times when I’m watching dramas, so I can’t fast-forward -- I think I might need to rely on this playlist to finish out LS2. Gah. I hope these work for the task at hand!

3) Okay, chronology. I would love advice, thoughts, feedback on the following questions! (I’m sorry I’m asking all these questions, btw: I have a huge trip coming up, and may run into rights issues where I’m going, so I want to get a good watch plan solidified before I leave. Because... I’m a list person, oh god.)

Like I said, I think I messed myself up by watching SOTUS before Love Sick. I think it would have really helped me to understand SOTUS even more if I had watching LS first, to catch on some tropes that were clearly borne out of LS.

@absolutebl recommended, as the third drama of the OGMMTVC, 2gether. But, in a separate comment thread, @shortpplfedup also mentioned that Love Sick and Make It Right kind go together (@shortpplfedup, let me know if I’m stating this reliably) as two of the early high school pulp BLs. 

I don’t know if Make It Right is as referenced, trope- or script-wise, as an early BL as Love Sick or SOTUS. But it does have Ohm Pawat, who is one of the actors I permanently rabbithole, and I do really appreciate watching Love Sick now to see all the high school tropes being built. 

So I’m wondering: for chronology’s sake, would it make sense to watch Make It Right/MIR2 next, after Love Sick, if this is a side-path I want to take to learn about canon regarding high school settings? 

Or... is Make It Right not worth it? I know @absolutebl has said before that the heat of MIR may be wiggly for the youth of the actors. I’d love input! If MIR gives by way of education, I may want to dig into it while I’m on the road.

4) And then after that, closing out the OGMMTVC would be 2gether. However!

a) My other side commitment is to understand Aof’s oeuvre. And He’s Coming to Me and Dark Blue Kiss both aired BEFORE 2gether. So I’m kinda wondering if I should watch those first, before 2gether.

b) And then there’s his involvement with the 2gether franchise, which -- I had no idea about until I perused MDL. And I’m totally not quite following what all the sequels mean and maybe, why he got involved in the franchise?

Was 2gether so bad, in a way, that Aof and Fon Kannitha had to come in and, like, rescue the franchise for Still 2gether and 2gether: The Movie?

And, what the heck is this MDL description of the movie? Is it, like... a summary of the two previous series?

(Is all of this messy-mess indicative of why 2gether landed on the OGMMTVC list? Ha.)

I’m a little confused by what the whole deal is with 2gether, and if the sequels are worth watching. For me, the priority would be to watch Aof’s work as it progresses over time, which makes me think I should interrupt the OGMMTVC to watch He’s Coming To Me and Dark Blue Kiss first. Because, again, I’m wondering if he or GMMTV felt that he needed to come in and, like, save the 2gether franchise. When I was digging into all of this in MDL, I was totally surprised to see his name there.

Whew. I know this was a lot, but I appreciate ANY crumbs from the experts. (2gether, on paper, looks like a hot mess, but I know BrightWin are beloved, so...what’s up with that, ha.) If anyone’s reading and commenting this -- thanks, y’all, in advance, for your input!

#turtles catches up with old gmmtv #the old gmmtv challenge #love sick #love sick season 1 #love sick season 2 #noh x phun #phun x noh #make it right #ohm pawat #make it right season 2 #2gether #still 2gether #2gether the movie #brightwin #backaof noppharnach #dark blue kiss #do i prioritize chronology or should i just dive into the hot messes right away #drama accountability! #tell me what to watch!

[turtleofdamascus]

Shadow and bone season 2 ep 1 thoughts (possible SPOILERY stuff BELOW)

AHHHHH so I went to the premiere screening and it was insane because the cast came out. I’ve been trying to refrain from posting about it because I don’t want to spoil stuff for you guys BUT GAH. IT’s so hard considering everyone keeps predicting things and theorizing and they ARE USUALLY RIGHT and I have to sit here LIKE AHHHH I want to confirm YOUR THOUGHTS. Okay wow idk what to say. Let me just say something ... complimentary but cryptic.

SO like I felt like this first ep was really good. I came in with low expectations and I came out super happy and they got so much done efficiently in a short amount of time compared to the entire season 1 lol. Like season 1 had nothing happening and the writers were lke... no we are writing a prequel we can’t get to the backstory. But now I love how the writers just were like f*ck it we’re gonna do some canon stuff. ALSO Like nearly more than half of it is CROWS. AHHH. It’s not super exactly like canon... but it’s so nice to watch the crows be in character and I always felt soc’s strength was its characters not so much the plot so ya. It felt like watching an interesting canon divergence of six of crows. AHHh Lots of crows. and more exploration of the actual personality/backstory of the crows hint hint compared to the season 1 AND THEY GET STRAIGHT TO IT... Like compared the season 1... season 1 told nothing and was so...subtle about everything to the point where you could completley not read that kaz had touch aversion or a disability...or anything aNd the crows were kind of just exisiting with little context given. In contrast, I felt like watching this season 2 ep 1 , the characters actually felt like themselves and you could finally undrestand the feeligns of the characters and empathize with them and we were learning about them. Okay i’ll stop gushing. And once you guys watch I’m gonna be so excited for y’all. It’s so fan-servicey  (in a good way) and so .. AHHH. lol I felt so satisfied with what they showed me in ep 1 so I’m excited for more *grabby hands* becasue they fed me...  

edit: Okay sorry for ripping on season 1. It definitetly has its merits. I feel bad for putting it down to make the episode 1 look good. I think my fave aspect of season 1 is def the magical realism and seriousness of it. The first ep of season 2 doesn’t have that same subtleness as the first season. 

#Shadow and bone season 2 spoilers #shadow and bone spoilers #shadow and bone #six of crows #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #freddy carter #amita suman #kit young

[lemonnnie]

// good omens s2 spoilers?

PISODE 6. IS SO FUCKING INSANE. IM. IM IM LITERALLY HAVING A BREAKDOWN OVER IT RIGHT NOW IM.TOO EMOTIONALLY ACTIVE AND BROKEN TO GO TO SLEEP.

ITS THAT BAD.

no cause i've seen the every spoiler unfortunately, and well, as much as i would like to think i forgot about it nope i couldn't and it just stayed gnawing in the back of my head which sucks.

so i was rather expecting the scene yk? after knowing what would happen (it's like me getting spoilered by ofmd edits and it made me stay up late finishing ofmd)

AND EPS 6.

OH GOD EPS 6.

IT WAS SOOO SWEET. well, in the start. and finally knowing and slowly seeing gabriel getting his memory back was rather scary but exciting. and in those memories, you could slowly tell how much he was falling in love with beelzebub AND ISNT THAT JUST SO SWEET. LIKE WHEN THEY HELD HANDS I WAS SCREECHINGGG IT WAS SO SO SO. it melted my heart, that the bigshots. literally the supreme leaders of both heaven and hell set aside their differences for the love of one another and its just so heartbreakingly sweet. I KEEP SAYING SWEET BUT THEY SO! ARE!!

AND yk what else is heartbreaking? but not sweet? THE INEFFABLE HUSBANDS THEMSELVES.

MY HEART WAS LITERALLY BEATING a few mins before the scene, i was like this is it this is it its finally the moment! omgomgogmgogm and with them finally ACTUALLY talking about their feelings for once HOW THEY ACTUALLY FELT (cough cough aziraphale cough) to one another I WAS SO SO SO READY TO BE ABSOLUTELT SOBBING IN JOY

well, i did sob. not in joy tho. in pure pain

when aziraphale got back with a smile on his face, when crowley's respond being the trigger, when aziraphale realized 'this isnt what crowley wants but theyre supposed to be in the same side if they want to be tgt', the CONFLICTING FEELING AZIRAPHALE STILL HAD EVEN AFTER WITNESSING GABRIEL AND BEELZEBUB BE AN ACTUAL THING??????

and the amount of pure raw emotions of betrayal in crowley's voice . IT JUST. IT JUST BROKE ME COMPLETELY.

i was on the ground malding, pulling my hair I COULD NOT.

and that final line, that final 'why can't you understand it?'

"You idiot. This could've been... us"

AND THEN THAT THAT KISS. THAT RUSHED KISS.

THAT THAT. IT JUST IT JUST COMPLETELY BROUGHT ME TO TEARS. COMPLETELY MADE ME SOBBED. its crowley's way of showing 'this couldve been us' it could've been passionate. but it was frustration, anger, betrayal, and a feeling of not wanting to let him go all in one kiss.

and what did aziraphale said, to utter shock of what just happened

"I forgive you."

THAT LINE FROM BACK THEN HAUNTED HIM STILL. CROWLEY DIDNT NEED HIS FORGIVENESS FOR HIS ACTIONS, FOR HIS FALLEN, FOR HIM BEING A DEMON. HE DOESNT NEED TO BE AN ANGEL AGAIN. HE NEEDS AZIRAPHALE, AS HE IS. TO BE WITH HIM.

but aziraphale still picked sides.

in the end he didnt pick 'us'.

and chose to let go of crowley, even if he was still deep down inside all he wanted was just to be with crowley (HECK HAVE YOU SEEN HOW HE LOOKS AT CROWLEY??AND THE THINGS HE SAY ABOUT HIM???)

gah. im so. so.. absolutely broken about these two i needa rest

#good omens #good omens 2 #go2 spoilers #go2 #go2 rant #ineffable husbands #im so sad #the queers have left me broken once again #I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN RN #AAAAAAAAAAAAA #aziraphale #WHYYYYYYY #crowley #neil gaiman #HUHUHUHU

[seakicker]

Miss Seakicker HI! 🦦 anon here, I just wanted to pop in and ask a question but before that;

How have you been? I’m loving the new theme and layout for your blog! I hope you’re drinking enough water and taking enough breaks. We can’t have Fertility archon Juju getting sick!

I started playing Tears of The Kingdom and there’s a place called Joju-u-u Shrine in the game (we almost had Juju Shrine!) I went bra shopping earlier (nothing spicy, just needed some new ones).

I’m not really sure how else to ask this but do you have any advice for when the insecurities about one’s body image start to get…loud? Like some days I’ll feel good in a pair of pants because i fill them out really well but then there’ll be bad days like the time i spent 2 hours on an online site buying a kazuha cosplay because I didn’t want to admit i was a size bigger. (I bought the bigger size in the end and that one fits like a glove)

Feel free to answer this whenever you like! - 🦦 anon

HELLOOOOOOO SWEETHEART GAH i’m very late in answering this because i’m just tryin to find the motivation to use tumblr consistently again, but i was thinking about this ask again today bc i’ve had it in drafts since you sent it to me. i’ve been working a ton but i’m alright; drinking water and working on eating healthier for myself 😊❤️ what kinds of things do you think we’d do at a juju shrine… 🤔👀

as far as the insecurity part goes, honestly i’ve found that staying off the internet entirely on days where you’re maybe feeling a little worse about yourself is extremely beneficial. with how prevalent bodychecking and diet culture BS are on tiktok and instagram in particular and with how advanced filters and photoshop have gotten (remember when people considered it impossible to use filters/edits on videos? good times), taking a bit of a detox and staving off of doomscrolling rlly go a long way on days where i may not be feeling the best about myself. like, i’ve seen people recommend eating an entire block of cream cheese under the guise of health because keto influencers love spinning nonsense and trying to make you genuinely believe that an entire brick of cream cheese is inherently better for you than a single piece of bread for toast, lol.

at any rate, i think it’s good to remind yourself that you are real and your body is real and not everything you see online is real— most people are able to (rightfully) internalize that they shouldn’t compare their bodies to digital art or anime characters, and i think that mentally should extend to just about any 3D picture you see online— while i’m not inherently anti-photoshop or anything like that, i DO think it’s harmful for these people who participate in photoshopping their pics or using filters to pass it off as (A) all natural genetics and/or (B) simple diet and exercise because no amount of genetics, diet, or exercise are gonna give you a 13 inch waist and 42 inch hips. even pictures of real life people can be twisted to the point where they might as well be fictitious, but your body is real when you look at it and real in anything and everything you wear, so why worry about how it stacks up compared to a picture that’s certainly edited?

i first read this on pinterest in like high school but it’s honestly sound advice and something that’s really stuck with me— we don’t get mad at our feet for being too small/too big/too wide/too narrow when shoes don’t fit, we just buy a different size— shouldn’t the same idea extend to all our clothes? our bodies aren’t made to fit clothes, clothes are made to fit our bodies— and buying a bigger cosplay to fit you better isn’t a fault of yours nor your body’s. you got this ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#i love u i’m always happy to hear from you #chats #cw body image #🦦 anon

[duckmine]

What is each Belcher's + Teddy's episode where they are so annoying, so obtuse, so wack that it seriously makes you want to shake them + the writers?

ooh this is a tough one.. especially because it’s hard to think of one for bob since he’s often the one getting the shorthand of the stick in most episodes, but i’ll try!

Bob:

i think for bob.. it’s at least in season 8, “Something Old, Something New, Something Bob caters for You”.

i wouldn’t say he’s that annoying in it, but it’s the fact he pinned all his security of his job onto this one couple who liked his burgers enough to ask him to cater for their wedding, that it just felt kind of.. sad. i feel like it also just keeps repeating the fact that bob feels he’s unsuccessful and bob ignoring that he’s kind of his own problem in the matter. like he’s so obsessed with his work being a fail and it’s understandable he wants to do things his way, but he’s just so bad at advertising his brand. and the way he put this couple up on a pedestal in this ep also felt kind of ooc to me? and the fact that linda was the realist in this one is also surprising, but i suppose at the same time it’s what makes their dynamic interesting.

Linda:

season 2, “Dr. Yap”.

there’s probably other ones but they’re to me forgettable in comparison to how linda behaved in this episode 💀. love linda but girlie did NOT have to slap bob after making him make moves on her sister the whole episode. so unnecessary. it’s at least forgivable that this was in an earlier season where the show was still trying to find it’s style but oh my GOD linda was so disrespectful to bob’s boundaries in this ep it drove me insane!

Tina:

season 4, “Mazel-Tina”. or just any episode where tina is unnecessary aggressive or rude lmao.

i get that tammy is terrible to tina, but i just 😭. tina really begged bob to cater at tammy’s party just to legally crash it and get with boys; AND THEN proceeds to overrule tammy’s bat mitzvah after tammy went missing and it was so disrespectful!! the best thing about that episode was louise messing with janet lmao.

Gene:

it’s hard to pick with gene because there’s a lot of episodes where he’s annoying and wack and obtuse but it’s easy to ignore since it’s part of his character but

season 11, “Mommy Boy” was definitely hard to watch 💀.

he was just, yeah.

Louise:

surprisingly enough i’ve never been truly mad at louise in an episode? i mean it’s hard to remember because there was a point where i just hated louise in general and everything she did (yeah, i know 😭) but after i got over that i realized louise was kind of just being a kid in most episodes she was in and it felt less serious after that lmao.

i think season 5, “Nice-Capades” is kinda..? or no actually, maybe season 1, “Spaghetti Western and Meatballs”?

gah it’s so hard because i’m only upset at louise when she’s mean to her family but she’s also like mean and sarcastic in general so it’s also not like that hard-hitting whenever she acts annoying in a sense because it’s also just never that intense? or maybe i’m being too forgiving because i just see her as a kid doing kid stuff. but in spaghetti western and meatballs i guess i just found it annoying how she was so. possessive of gene and bob’s individual company, and then called her sister boring? ah but that’s kind of tame though.. i can’t really count recent season episodes because she got tame real fast after season seven. and even in the midst of bob’s burgers she wasn’t that bad. maybe i’m just not remembering episodes that great?

edit: OH OH WAIT! season 4, “Ambergris”!

okay she wasn’t that annoying in this ep but she was DEFINITELY wack as heck over a giant sea booger. tbh i actually loved her in this episode but oh my god she was so wild about that money i almost wanted to shake her just because it was making her lose it.

Teddy:

i guess season 8, “The Secret Ceramics Room of Secrets”.

probably not his most wack or annoying actually, but i just found it really irritable that he tried to fuse his side business with bob’s actual restaurant while bob was trying to get costumers. it just felt invasive i guess, though teddy is that way in general.

but i guess a more wack and obtuse episode of teddy would be “Thanks-Hoarding”. he wasn’t even that annoying in this ep, actually i felt bad for him and the way the belchers treated his stuff, but holy shit was him keeping all that crap insane. and the way he treated his stuff, though kind of relatable actually, was also unhealthy and made me want to yell at him to get some help or like, talk to a therapist tbh?

but yeah, that’s all i coukd think of. hopefully it wasn’t too disappointing to read 😅. i’m sure there are better picks that i haven’t thought of, but thanks for asking nonetheless!

#duck’s sillies #bob’s burgers #asks

[alatismeni-theitsa]

Coming out story time, Γρεεκ edition. With a plot twist. Sorry for the long ass rant I just didn't know who else to tell my story who would get both the Greek Thinking TM and also be accepting of queer ppl.

Apologies for crude language (i think)?? I cannot describe it in a way that's as eloquent and beautiful as I want.

A. Μαμά.

I came out to my mother descriptively, because I knew if I said a Big Gay Word she'd instantly connect it to what she associates with Gay stuff, and I wanted to get her honest reaction, not what she thinks her reaction should be. And also because I Do Not Know what exactly I am (out of the whole LGBT alphabet, I could be Gay/Les, I could be Bi, I could maybe sort of kinda be trans but I do identify with womanhood in the Greek TM way so I don't think I can call myself NB? Anyway whatever, labels don't matter to me and only make me feel weird when applied to me), so there's that.

Specifically I said "Ma, I'm not only attracted to boys." Because that's the best I can describe my hauntingly persistent bisexuality as haha.

After the initial confusion, the first question she asked was "so you'd want to have sex with a woman?" A question I chose not to answer, one because Μαμά τι στο καλό θες να σου πω τώρα :/ and also because the answer is neither no or yes. It goes beyond just Mm Yes Pussy Nice for me. Reducing it to just that is making my skin crawl just as much as Mm Yes Dick Nice. That's dehumanising for me, I'm sorry. :/ My answer was literally "δεν ξέρω/δεν απαντώ" lmao.

And?? She may have accidentally come out to me too??? Without realising it?????

Because she said three things:

1. "Oh, when I was at your age I went through this phase as well." Which??????????? What does it mean if not the think I'm thinking of??? Ma have you really been in denial/the closet for 50 years?

2. "I was fiercely defensive of gay people when I was younger." Which, YES. As you should μαμά. Only it has created this haunting fear in me that in 30 years time, with "experience", I'll change too and I'll go against my gay brothers and sisters as Ορθοδοξία seems to want. Which I won't. I hope. I can only hope my heart won't change, even if I marry a guy and go ahead and have children of my own. Like... it doesn't make sense, HOW did she change her mind in the first place??? How does that happen to someone? Will it happen to me too?

3. "It's okay, I love you for who you are." In the end, all is good. Even if she thinks she's a phase that I'll grow out of, and probably would not allow me to think about dating/settling with another woman, she's not cutting me out of the will! She still loves me!! It's a win for me. :D

Also she approves of cute gender neutral nicknames because she's always called me that. Like: το ζουζουνάκι, το μαρουδάκι (εννοώντας πασχαλίτσα🐞), το κουφετάκι, κτλ.

I really love her little habits I'm sorry. :')

B. Αδερφούλα

I'll keep it brief because there's not as much to say. She's younger than me so she used to have a very much "oh ew wtf" reaction.

But recently?? She's been treating it like an inside joke??? Like, refering to me as "το τέρας" ή "το αρνί" because she knows I love being affectionately/jokingly called an "it". Also making gay jokes in rare occasions, which I love.

She's a little insecure about being perceived as Λεσβία for her fashion sense, and I regularly assure her that she can wear whatever makes her feel good and not worry about how others see her. Can she rock a γυναικείο κουστούμι like a boss? Fuck yea. Does that mean she's a lesbian just because she looks masculine and pretty at the same time? Fuck no, you do you boo. I know how much you like dressing like this. Nobody's opinion can take it away. And lesbians are not Bad either, so she has a lot to unpack in the future. But I'm still very proud of her and how far she's come since I first told her (long before mom actually) and I absolutely love her to death.

Also she called me a bottom. Shame on her. Gah, siblings.

Honorary entries:

C. Dad

I have yet to come out to him because he often ridicules openly queer people on TV. Like, οικογενειακά watching Eurovision the Maneskin year (every year really) was both hilarious and terrifying.

But, like?? He's also lowkey kinda Bi too in a repressed way? In the way that he's loyal to the woman he married but also making strong bromances when given the chance? It's so funny to me, because he has such a soft and fond expression when talking about friends he has sort of trauma-bonded with (term used loosely, but you know how Dads are).

I could also be just tripping and trying to seek comradeship where there's none because Parents are the ones a child seeks to relate to, but I'd rather not psychoanalyse me rn.

D. Granny

Also can I just talk about Passive Acceptance. Because granny (without knowing about my identity) sometimes refers to me and my sister as παλικάρι in a Gender Neutral sense ("δεν είναι μόνο τα αγόρια παλικάρια" she says. granny is a feminist icon without even trying to be. slay.) and it makes my woman-in-a-vague-sense-i-guess(?) heart do the little proud flutter thing.

Also does it make sense to be a non-binary when it comes to speaking English but sort of a woman (actually yes a woman but also yes and no at the same time because I look and act really soft cheery and feminine but I'm mentally also a τέρας από την άβυσσο και τα τάρταρα :D) when speaking Greek??? It's so confusing, how can I perceive gender in two entirely different ways at the same time what the everloving fuck. What AM I...??

Again, sorry for the jumbled thoughts, my last three braincells are busy rn χορεύing Καλαματιανό.

Γειαα! Παιδια με σκλαβωνετε με τα μηνυματα σας τελευταια 💗 Ειλικρινα χαιρομαι παρα πολυ που εχω εστω και λιγο την εμπιστοσυνη σας - εγω μια ξενη στο ιντερνετ - και μου λετε τις σκεψεις και τις ιστοριες σας! Το εκτιμω παρα πολυ!

Να ξερετε οτι ακομα και αν τυχον διαφωνουμε σε καποια πραγματα, μπορειτε να μου στελνετε μηνυματα. Γιατι ποτε δε θα διαφωνησω με το δικαιωμα καποιου να ζει με ασφαλεια και να ειναι ο εαυτος του (το οποιο ειναι ανθρωπινο δικαιωμα ουτως ή αλλως)

Επισης: Δημοσιευω το μηνυμα επειδη δεν υπηρχε καποια δηλωση που ελεγε να μην το κανω. Αν καποιος ομως θελει να μη δημοσιευσω καποιο μηνυμα ή να διαγραψω καποιο μηνυμα, ας μου το πει, δεν υπαρχει θεμα!

Οκ switching off to English!

The whole experience is So Greek, damn! Starting with Mother, telling her Descriptively, her saying that she also liked women "one time", then considering that something is off with Dad as well, then mentioning the accidentally supportive Grandma who gives no shits... Πρεπει να εχουμε ενα σχετικο επεισοδιο στις Οικογενειακές Ιστορίες ετσι για την ταυτιση των τηλεθεατων.

Also, just because I am a nosy dramatic bitch, I would DEFINITELY bring back this conversation if this was my mum, and I would tell her "You know that you like women too, right? You can't just... lose attraction for a whole gender overnight. And they also say that sexual orientation is genetic......" Just to see her reaction and try to convince her 😂 (Don't attempt if you think it won't go well for you! 😅)

I'm really happy about how you handled things with your sis! Being perceived as a lesbian is nothing bad because lesbians are nothing bad! She can rock whatever she wants, like you said! There are lesbians out there who dress like "everyone else", meaning that clothes can potentially be a hint but you can never tell just by the clothes. She has a lot to unpack indeed but with more teaching moments by you, I'm sure she's in good hands.

Oooooh that Dad case! I have a theory here, knowing Greek dads. Perhaps he will be more supportive than you think. Not just because of the things you mentioned, but because he loves you and supports you as his child (from what I read). Greek dads can be ride or die, especially with their daughters. So, if you are confident enough when you tell him, if you look logical and self-aware, he actually might back you up and he might be the most supportive! Parents often dismiss their children because they believe that children are doing it for attention, or because of a whim. Greek dads, I've noticed, want things to be told to them with huuuge neon letters, otherwise they don't act on the situation.

For example, you can be like "Dad, I want to tell you something. (diretor hint: play it sad and worried here, he might feel the need to be protective instead of defensive) I like women too, and I have been feeling it for a long time. I didn't feel it because someone else "indoctrinated" me to it. It's a natural feeling to me. It is not a phase. I cannot switch it on and off like it's a hall light. Most importantly, this is not dangerous for me. I know that you might be concerned and we can talk about it. I just want you to know because this is an important part of who I am."

-- Again, assess the situation accordingly. You definitely don't have to do anything I suggest. And you can make the dialogue more or less cheesy :P In any case, when you talk to him keep in mind that he's an older man who grew up in specific decades and you have to make an effort to set things his way otherwise things will be lost in translation and neither of you will notice.

That's how I got an old aunt to support me. 😂This aunt was the type that says "A woman liking another woman?? Ιησούς Χριστός!!" I noticed what things she valued most (being your own person, having fun in life, not allowing anyone to step on you) and I built my case by telling her that the way I live at the moment gives me all these advantages. I also matched her tone, and I tried to see things from her side, which eventually helped guide her to the mindset I wanted to introduce her to. Sometimes many conversations and subtle hints are needed for this guidance. And they also need to like you because the Greek statement "το δικο μας το παιδι ποτε δεν κανει κατι κακο! το δικο μας το παιδι ειναι χρυσο!" will usually prevail over "A woman liking another woman?? Ιησούς Χριστός!!" 😂

What's more, some parents of queer kids already know what their kids are. They just don't say anything out of fear they will encourage this behaviour. Meanwhile the kids get stressed for decades about how the parents will react, and when they finally come out the parents, the parents are like "eh... we already knew, to be honest. We've been watching you hug and kiss girls since you were like... six. We just hoped that you'd grow out of it, that's why we didn't bring it up. We didn't want you to grow up into a behaviour that would separate you from other kids cause they would bully you and harm you."

The grandma is TOP, by the way! I feel like many older people really know what's important in life. The thought of two women getting married might never be palatable to her but she knows that alienating family members for harmless shit is not where it's at. I love her already!

On the "It's so confusing, how can I perceive gender in two entirely different ways at the same time what the everloving fuck. What AM I…??"

It is a fact that people slightly switch personalities when switching languages. English is a more polite, careful, and tip-toeing language, while in Greece malakas is a word of love if said to your friend 😂 And it's true that cultures perceive gender in different ways. So if you switch to US English and get into their mindset, they have another version of femininity. (Well, the whole country is diverse but I'm talking about the generic, permeating WASP stereotype of the preferred femininity in the US media)

I switch behavior in English too and sometimes I find that I'm more polite and "more feminine" there, which for me... eeeh not my style so much. (English makes us dysphoric, pass it down 😂😂😂😂)

Which brings me to another discussion. I am not nonbinary so I won't want to speculate on what nonbinary is and how it feels. Instead I will speak about a phenomenon sometimes seen in women, who, (sometimes!) need to be seen as a person (who deserves full respect) and not "just a woman" they take up the nonbinary label. Being a woman (or a man) comes with certain expectations and baggage and sometimes as a woman (or as a man) you can totally feel like "fuck it, I want to opt out" or "I already don't do these things and I don't want to ever do them or feel them, so I guess am actually not a woman/man".

I want to stress again that I don't imply non-binary people are this. And I'm not saying that's you. I'm just leaving this out there because it's very harmful when society makes you feel like "failing" at your gender and telling you "you are not a real man/woman because you don't do the X stereotypes", and some people fall for it want to "opt out" of their gender without realizing that in the process they're following the logic of... binaries.

Whatever you identify as should come from the inside, not from what society tells you a woman should be. Because, as you noticed, the Greek and the US society have different notions of what a woman "should be". Heck, you might move to Sweden and find out that out there you feel like Barbie while in Greece you may feel like Babis doing the exact same things😂 Don't rely on society and stereotypes, my humble opinion is. Rely on yourself. And it's okay if you don't have a definitive answer to "what you are". Just live and present as you are most comfortable.

One more thought that I have, which you can also take or leave, is about the sexuality part. I'm not family or a friend, and I don't know you well. I'm not an authority and I don't think my words are scripture. My speculation could perhaps help your brain cells stop χορεύειν τσάμικον γύρω απ τη φωτιά στο δάσος 😂

Sooo... have you considered asexuality?

Heeeaaar me out. Your confusion seems a bit similar to that of people who are asexual but don't know it yet. First of all, there's a difference between aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction. Asexuals usually start thinking they are gay or bi because their sexual attraction to men and women is the same. Zero. 0 = 0 after all 😂

At the same time, asexuals can often feel "off" in their gender and gender expression because automatically they don't subscribe to amatonormative rules and hence, they don't subscribe to gender rules.

An asexual can still have aesthetic attraction to people (just not sexual) and want a romantic relationship. An asexual can have aesthetic attraction to only one gender or many. There's a whole spectrum in asexuality, and there are ace identities like the aegosexuals who are actually not sex repulsed. They are interested in sex as an idea, but they just don't experience sexual attraction for people in real life. (Imagine it like, you like watching football for the rush and the technique, but there's nooo way you want to go down on the field and start kicking a ball.)

Their relationships with their significant others are often "queerplatonic" because the way they perceive gender and companionship (that is not friendship) is queer compared to the rest of society.

I thought about this cause you mentioned the "hauntingly persistent bisexuality", and also because usually the answer to "so you wanna fuck women?" is "eh…yes??" if you are attracted to women in the usual way xD But of course, it might be just your character, that you don't want to focus on sex despite having sexual attraction, and, as you said avoid "dehumanizing" the other. So again, my speculation might be wrong. If you know you are sexually attracted to people, and if you don't have to ask "what is sexual attraction tho?" then that's probably not it😄

Okay, I rambled for too long again but I hope this message has helped you at least in one way. Know that you are already slaying out there and you WILL CONTINUE to slay because you're a cool and kind person with great self-reflection skills.

=================================

Generic message: If my posts have helped you in any way consider buying me a ko-fi 💖

#answered #greek speaks #lgbt+ in greece #queer

[dayurno]

"Exes Kandriel edition" im so curious as to what you mean by that bc I have seen all kinds of variations of "past relationship one ship new relationship another ship" like past andriel now kevineil or whatever but I don't think I've see a single fic where all 3 of them were together and then broke up??? I want to know what your brain is thinking pls share

HEHE WELL honestly the way i thought of it was kind of just kandreil being a thing throughout college/kevins last year but after his graduation he kind of goes m.i.a, in my heart i think about kevin moving out of the states to play exy a lot and i think itd actually be relevant and even important to him to be able to see the world beyond the nest......... but it also means things like different timezones, new people and new languages, an entire new life really that andreil of course do not agree with... i dont think they necessarily part on bad terms but andrew and neil very much dont want him to move away. in the end kevin (midnight rain plays softly in the background) wants the world in more ways than just a small apartment somewhere in denver and two cats you know....

so the fic would be really kevins return to the us a decade later, having broken off things with andreil but still loving them dearly....... right person wrong time kind of thing really.... and then theres andreil who never really stopped waiting for kevin, never stopped thinking about him, but accepted (after a lot of therapy mind you) that theres nothing you can Do when someone wants to/has to leave. i dont think thered even be a need to Rebuild their relationship per se because its always been there!!! andreil still have his stupid books in their apartment and kevins old jackets in their closet... i think theyd even come to pick him up at the airport totally uninvited too... BASICALLY JUST. ahhh you know... getting older and different but still yourself, being waited for when you thought your absence meant nothing, that kind of thing.... would kevin have stayed if he knew how much his absence would hurt them? would they have been as adamant about him staying if they had the insight of older men who know kevins ambitions are just as important as their own?

SO... old men yaoi........ i actually have a lot of thoughts about this you can guess by the long long answer haha i really want to write this (< going insane).... theyve loved him for almost ten years, what is one more? THAT KIND OF THING........ gah getting emotional just thinking about it.... kevin dayyyy!!! its you. its always been you

#asks #IM NORMAL AND THINGS LIKE THAT. ETC #i imagine kevin would come back to the us because of his retirement/to look out for wymack who is ahem. Getting Old Too #SOMETHING OF THE SORT.. #AN D THEN OF COURSE THE GRAY HAIR ETC. im not dead i also want to fuck dilf kev #but really just the topic of waiting for a love/the one that got away..... but as a Poly Thing... AHHGHG #andreil stayed together and they were happy but they never forgot about him #really theyve been waiting. so patiently!!!!!! #IM NORMAL IM SO NORMAL ETCCC #gah (holds back tears) #just thinking about the decade andreil spent loving that man through news and tv appearances and pictures #the stash of old jackets kevin was never able to take with him because he never found it #kevins books on their shelf..... kevins exy dvds neil puts in a literal safe like its his most prized possession... little trinkets of life #that they just. kept. while they waited for him to come back #AFGHGHG... the years of confusion and longing and [so i'll watch your life in pictures the way i used to watch you sleep] #and kevin from the other side of the world still thinking that his absence meant nothing to them #that maybe he was just a fling or a sex thing or . it doesnt matter #SO YOU KNOW.

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

there should be more of this type of fic/art

I already answered this (more Ghostbur-centric fics!!) but my second answer would be… more Tommy and Ghostbur-centric fics alsgaksgkagsjs

The two have such an amazing and beautiful relationship and hardly anyone talks about them 😭

THAT REMINDS ME THAT I ACTUALLY NEED TO GO CHECK THEIR TAG ON A03 AND SEE IF I CAN FIND ANYTHING GOOD I’LL BE RIGHT BACK

Edit: OH MY GOSH I FOUND A FIC. I FOUND A FIC. A GOOD FIC. ABOUT GHOSTBUR AND TOMMY. OH MY GOSH. I AM ALSGAKSGJAFSHSFW

LOOK LOOK LOOOOOOOOK!!!! THERE’S PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES!!! AND!!! AND :(((

It’s also free of swear words, which is always a nice surprise in DSMP fanfics 😅

The author responded to my comment in literally two minutes lol

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

…Ghostbur and Tommy’s relationship XD

I just love them, okay? Absolutely adore these two. Freaking phenomenal.

There’s Ghostbur, who’s very closely intertwined with Wilbur—has his voice (sort of) and his face and even some of his memories—and as a result, everyone sees Ghostbur as Wilbur, more or less. They don’t see him as Ghostbur, they see him as Wilbur’s ghost. There’s a very big difference there.

And then there’s Tommy—the one person on the entire server who truly saw Ghostbur as someone different from Wilbur, someone who wasn’t Wilbur. Tommy treated Ghostbur like his own person!! He treated Ghostbur with actual kindness and made sure he was loved, and I will NEVER GET OVER THAT

Heck, Tommy was the only person who grieved after Ghostbur was killed; the kid made a little memorial thingy, took care of Friend, got very upset whenever Wilbur would say mean things about Ghostbur, and clearly got sad whenever Ghostbur was even mentioned. It was clear to anyone that Tommy loved Ghostbur and really, truly missed him :’(

And don’t even get me started on Exile! Ghostbur was the only one who consistently visited Tommy—which helped Tommy feel a lot less lonely—and he helped make Exile into a home, into Logstedshire! Or at least, as much of a home as it could be.

Ghostbur even made a little house for Tommy to stay in 🥺 Even though Tommy stubbornly insisted on staying in a tent (which he built really badly if I’m remembering right lol. It was either Ghostbur or Dream who had to step in and help Tommy out XD)

And Ghostbur took pictures of L’manburg and brought those pictures back for Tommy to look at, and he made both Tommy and Tubbo matching compasses that pointed to each other (friendship compasses!!) because Ghostbur knew how much the two meant to each other and how much they loved each other! Ghostbur literally said, “your favorite thing in the whole world is Tubbo!” to Tommy 🥺 HE KNEW HOW MUCH CLINGY DUO AKSGAKSGJAGSJWGS GAH!!!!

This is very rambly, but what I’m trying to say is that Ghostbur and Tommy’s relationship is darn special, and it’s a shame that hardly anyone pays attention to that. I just love them <3

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

Kinda switching gears here, but when people use cc!Dream as a reason to hate the Dream SMP, I just… ugh.

Just because the creators/actors/writers/etc of a piece of media do bad things or make bad decisions or do things that you don’t agree with, that doesn’t mean that the actual media is bad.

Heck, Dream wasn’t even the main part of DSMP! There were loads of other things, like L’manburg and Tommy and Wilbur and Bad and the Eggpire and Las Nevadas and Beeduo and November 16th and so many others, that were way more important than Dream’s character!! I’d definitely say that Dream wasn’t the reason that DSMP got popular or became so good; it was because of other people, and their stories and their arcs. That’s what got people into DSMP. Not Dream.

If you don’t want anything to do with Dream, that’s perfectly fine!! But hating DSMP because of that… is kinda weird to me? Because what you’re doing is casting aside all of the wonderful stories that don’t have anything to do with Dream, y’know? That doesn’t seem fair. That seems weird.

I have a lot of thoughts about this issue aksgajsgajfs

#it’s so FRUSTRATING #there’s been so many people that have left the fandom because of Dream and while I DEFINITELY get not wanting anything to do with the #with the content creator/his character I REALLY DON’T UNDERSTAND why these people #also just… ignore all the other content creators and their characters and their stories #because a lot of them don’t have anything to do with Dream #y’know?? #I just think it’s weird #I personally don’t like the content creator but I draw a line between him and his character #and his character isn’t even a favorite of mine alsgaksgkagshs #I just pay attention to everyone else XD #I don’t know if this made senseeeeee but aw well 😅 #ask #ask game answers #my dsmp thoughts #Pinestripe tag

[touchstoneaf]

People act like all that ever happens as a general rule is Crowley saving Zira, like it's all one-sided, but in a roundabout sort of way, didn't Zira do the magic show in order to help Crowley, too? I mean, obviously he did it as much because he wanted to do magic on stage, but Crowley constantly saves Zira because he likes it, and isn't this one also because Crowley looked bad with the delivery of broken bottles? It feels like it to me, anyway; esp after "There must be something i can do for you!" after Crowley saved the books, and given that the bottles wouldn't even have broken, if Crowley wasn't there to help him in the first place (whilst inexplicably smuggling alcohol without telling Zira he's back in town, but putting that aside for now)...(theory confirmed harder in the next scene when Crowley thanks him for it, and confirms he's ready to help by saying 'this mightn't be easy, lad, you know that?' (paraphrasing), which is step one in the 'Crowley's about to pretend not to volunteer to help Aziraphale' dance, and is followed by him totally suggesting how to improve the act, and totally pumping him up, (which btw, Zira's response to Crowley talking him up? *ded*. So) and rn Zira's way high off of realizing he's madly in love. So it's like, "I'll do this for you, technically, as a way to try to make myself feel like we're back on even ground, because being insanely in love with you is freaking me out cuz we're technically not even supposed to be friends, shut up; but you have to help me to do it... which is then you doing this for me, which you're doing because you love me, even tho you'll never admit you did a nice thing for anybody, even me; and anyway that makes it like there's something in this for both of us, because you also like saving me, apparently; and i'll sell the hell out of it because i'm doing it to prove my love to you without admitting it, and also you can be my assistant, which let's face it, is hot"... and this night is too fucking romantic for me to handle. Also it's always kinda like this, right? Like, Crowley agrees to help Zira hide 'Jim' because it's in both their best interests, it's not just to make his adorable hubby happy, but they help each other to accomplish it, and that's the way to share places and belongings and fulfill all their mutual love languages (which they're very good at btw, for dopes who never discuss the lurve), because Crowley gets to give acts of service, and receive quality time, and Zira gets to give quality time and receive acts of service, and GAH I CAN'T SEND HELP.

edit: AND CROWLEY PAYS FOR THE SHOWSTOPPER!

and INSISTS HIS HUBBY IS IN FACT A MAGICIAN...

and even tries to MIRACLE HIM SUCCESS...

and TOTALLY PLAYS ALONG WITH THE DRAMATICS!

THEY ARE SO *CUTE*!!!

#ineffable husbands #aziraphale x crowley #good omens 2 spoilers

[inkofamethyst]

March 24, 2023

I have to admit that I feel a little bit bad holding on to three PhD offers knowing that there might be people on the waitlist vying for a position at one of these places.  Truth be told, I wanted to know where I was going before Spring Break hit, but my Choice E didn’t invite me up until late March.  Technically, I suppose I could (and, probably, should) let go of Choice F or Choice G if I really thought about which one would suit me best should my Choice E visit go poorly, but I am privileged enough that I can willfully choose not to think about that possibility at all right now.  It feels a little selfish and a little immature.  I suppose it brings me some comfort to know that I will (ideally) make a decision over a week before the April 15 deadline and that hopefully someone can make it off the waitlist in that time.

I spoke with an alum of my Choice E lab today and gah it’s really feeling like the place for me.

Recently, I’ve been into watching bento (and husbento lol) box videos??  They’re super aesthetically pleasing, and it’s really fun to watch people make healthy, delicious lunches with lots of variety!  It might not be the most efficient, nor the most cost effective habit to maintain, but it’s calming and I enjoy the ideas!

On a similar note, I have to really start using up the food in my apartment pantry and minimize my grocery purchases.  I only have half a semester left in my apartment, and I’m going to be travelling for (essentially) two of those weeks, so I’m going to need to make a concerted effort to clear out my frozen foods and canned/dry goods.  I’ve got quite a bit of protein stocked up, noodles (so many kinds of noodles), rice... aside from fresh produce/dairy, I shouldn’t need to buy very much at all, really.  I could probably start making more elaborate bento-like lunches myself.  After break, I’ll go in, take inventory, and set out a rough meal prep schedule so I won’t have to take home too many food products, if I can help it.  I really gotta get back into trying new recipes anyway.  Since I’ve been home (and have mostly recovered from The Ailment) I’ve tried two new recipes in two days and am about to go for a third tomorrow, I think!  Having a full spice cabinet certainly makes a difference.  [edit, a day later: uh so the “Gigi Hadid Pasta” that’s been all over pinterest is actually pretty flavorless and I had to add so much extra spice... at least the color was pretty.  I’d make it again but change some of the proportions and also add spinach.]

Half a semester left.

I got my first grad school related reject, so that’s fun.  It was for an outside fellowship I applied for, and I’m luckily not in a position where I needed it for admission anywhere, but it still would’ve been nice to have an extra boost or to defer funding in case I needed it.  The reviewer’s comments were useful, but I think it’s funny that my 3.9+ GPA in related disciplines could be considered average or even below average (upon critical thought, I believe they might have been considering my course history and were wondering how exactly orgo and biochem were going to help me pin down functional morphology, and that critique makes sense).  I suppose I agree that I should have sought more awards, but ughhhhh UGH.  I don’t wanna beg to be recognized and then maybe not even get it (though that’s exactly what I’ve done here with that fellowship so)??  This certainly won’t be my last outside grant/fellowship attempt because I do want to be recognized.

Of all the Lost-esque shows I’ve watched, my absolute least favorite has got to be La Brea.  That show might even be one of my least favorite shows I’ve ever watched ever.  The writing, plot, and logic are just so terribly bad and I might have to drop it after this season because I am simply not impressed at all.  I love sci-fi and as a result am pretty good at suspending my disbelief, but this show is based around time travel and they’re not explaining any of the intricacies or limitations of the technology, so every solution works Just Because and any potential problem that is irrelevant to the central plot is not discussed does not exist and I hate it.  There’s so much hand-waving that it does not feel immersive to me.  I genuinely do not think very much while watching television, so the fact that I’m constantly frustrated by the holes I’m poking into the plot/solutions/logic irks me.  And then any problem that does arise to occupy any characters not involved in the main plotline that episode feels gimmicky and fillery and dumb.  Some of the main characters are barely compelling and others are simply not, and in this economy my attention is too valuable to be wasted on things I don’t enjoy.

Today I’m thankful for that conversation I had with the alum... I’ve heard nothing but good things about “my” lab in particular aieeee I’m so excited for next week’s trip.. literally a Spring Break Part 2 (except it’s not really a break and I’ll kind of be pretending to be an extrovert for four days straight (which I guess is okay because I’ve been a total recluse for the past week)).  Since it’s probably where I’m going to attend (and because they wanna be touristy), both of my parents will be “joining me” (aka existing in the same vicinity but entirely leaving me to my own devices unless I need them) this time, and I’ve assigned them homework to check out some of the neighborhoods and apartment complexes to get an idea of the best places to live.  Very thankful for supportive parents, very thankful for a financial situation that allows them to support me in this way.  Also thankful for my two profs who record lectures... they’re really the unsung heroes of my semester tbh.

[waitmyturtles]

Moonlight Chicken first episode impressions.

1) I reblogged these already, but I want to point to the fantastic analyses by @respectthepetty (here) and @isaksbestpillow (here), offering tremendous background context out of the gate. Due to @respectthepetty‘s past analyses of Big Dragon, I was also able to pick up on a lot of the Chinese-Thai themes that Moonlight Chicken is pulling from. (I LOVE the theme of the show starting during the Mid-Autumn Festival and the continued gazing at the moon throughout the episode. Gah. Cuts me deep.)

2) Give me a GOOD, SLOW BURN to start a series -- HELL yes. Wen’s PACE of going through life. Moment by moment, gaze by gaze, sigh by sigh, ache by ache. His silent moments, thinking moments. He’s in pain, and his whole being radiates it, and we’ll take our time finding out what it is. Love this. (Jesus -- MIX. Come awn. Could he BE any better of an actor? A master of a slow burn.)

3) Seeing Jim’s house, the open market, the streets -- I’ve never been to Thailand, but there was something about these scenes that reminded me of strolling the streets in Malaysia and it was making my heart ache. The birds chirping while the guys were eating their bowls of jok in the morning. Reminded me of having soup noodles with my family in an open-air restaurant, during a bright, sunny, humid morning. I miss SE Asia.

4) Desperately love the juxtaposition of Jim’s traditional house with Wen’s modern furniture. Wen is going back in time, somehow, with Jim -- Wen is drawn to it. I will love seeing what uncovers in this.

5) I literally internally squealed KHAAAAAOOOOOOO when I first saw him. Those boots!

6) NAIL AND BAIL

7) I need that red Hungry? apron with the chicken in the pocket.

I LOVED this first episode. For whoever reads this place regularly, y’all know that I’m finishing Bad Buddy this week as well, so it’s just a Aof household at the moment (and tbh, I am really not knowledgeable about the famous directors in Thai dramas, like Aof or Jojo, I’m very much in a learning stage here -- but I clearly like his work). Watching Moonlight Chicken while I wrap up Bad Buddy -- it’s a scene here in my brain, a real scene. I’m a lucky gal to be watching both shows simultaneously. 

Maybe this is an Aof thing -- or maybe it’s just the magic of the actors that I’m watching -- but his shows extract an aching feeling of love and attraction between his main characters that I can’t describe in words. I felt it two nights ago when I watched episode 11 of Bad Buddy, when Pat is gazing at Pran as Pran sings at the beach bar. Those wordless looks. Magnificent acting and filming. I see it’s gonna be a thang here in Moonlight Chicken; I’m here for it.

The Khao Man Gai Appreciation Rating is at 🐔🐔🐔: top-notch chicken rice content. Ooooh baby, Uncle serves different kinds of chickennnn over his rice, the boiled chicken and fried chicken, yessssssss! 

I forgot to mention in my khao man gai gospel post that KMG/Hainan chicken rice is often served with a side of coagulated pig’s blood [CORRECTION EDIT BELOW], which is depicted at Jim’s diner. I actually have NOT had this on the regular -- my biggest familiarity with Hainan chicken rice is from Malaysia, where vendors are very often catering to a halal population. That’s not to say that you can’t find blood tofu in Malaysia, I just haven’t gone searching for it while eating nasi ayam over there. However, I’ve been automatically served the blood tofu in Queens, NY, where there’s a huge Thai population, so it just depends on where you go to eat it. 

[CORRECTION! The second episode reveals that Jim orders chicken blood from Gaipa’s chicken stall -- so it’s chicken blood that’s served with the KMG, not pig’s blood. My bad -- and this shows the extent of my knowledge here, as I never knew that chicken’s blood could be served as blood tofu, I thought it was only ever pork or beef blood tofu!]

#moonlight chicken #moonlight chicken meta #jim x wen #wen x jim #khao man gai #khao man gai appreciation #earth pirapat #mix sahaphap #earthmix #khaotung thanawat

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

Any updates on "the problem with mondo" ? I love the series so much!!!♡♡♡♡♡

Hi!! I’m so sorry, things have been so hectic for me, I’ve just not had the time to sit down and write about why I’m not updating. I have thought about it, but things are just… gah. Very hectic at the moment.

I’m going to try and post the unedited chapter this weekend if I can!! I have to rewrite part of my master’s thesis, since my last professor gave me bad information, so I don’t know if I’ll have time to post that AND my new fic, but I’ll try my best! I’m so sorry I’ve been delayed with it, things are not going great for me, and while I’m handling it fine, it’s just been a lot and anything extra is being put to the wayside for the moment. Worse case I’ll try to post it to Tumblr without any commentary. That’s what’s been the biggest problem; I want to give an update with the chapter, but it’s a lot and I don’t even know where to start. Because, honestly… I’m putting TPWM on hold for the foreseeable future. I still have one last chapter, which I’ll post prolly in a couple months (I NEED to edit that chapter, and I’m hoping in a couple months I’ll have more free time), but after that… I don’t know. It’s just too much for me now and I can’t force myself to work on something I’m not super passionate about anymore. I’m really sorry, and I’ll write more in detail when I finally post the chapter, but it’s just… a lot happening all at once and I need to prioritize or else I will burn out hard.

My new fic is easy for me to write, which is why I’ve been focusing on it, but TPWM… it’s been a drag unfortunately and I can’t force myself to write it anymore. Maybe one day, but… I really don’t know. Like I said, I’ll put more detail when I post the chapter, but my break is over now so I have to get back to work. Sorry!!! Hopefully the chapter will be up sometime soon!!

[megdonnellys]

@gardnersginnys AHHH HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA <33333 i’m so so so sorry this is so late i was so busy with school today but OMG !!!!! i know we haven’t been friends for super long but i literally admire you so much and i’m so happy that you’re in my life ! you’re such a sweet soul and i just wanted to make you something to truly show my appreciation! i hope your day was WONDERFUL and just yeah!!!!! happy birthday again!!!!!!!!!! <3

#ocappreciation #allaboutocs #fyeahriverdaleocs #queerocs #sweet pea x oc #veronica lodge x oc #gifts for friends #c: lena x brooke #my edits #lena hart #wonderful ocs 💞 #| GAH its so bad but i wanted to make something of our gals :))))) #love uuuu <3

[eminems-skittles]

Andrew spidey whiny and head scratchess?????

idk why i just think of him as this very clingy person

thanks love!

- V

GAH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH I HOPE U LIKE IT <3

big bad superhero {andrew garfield!peter parker x reader}

pairings: peter parker x gn!reader

warnings: not edited, fluff

word count: idk

a/n: peter parker lay on me challenge <3

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

you had been out of town for two weeks and between that and the constant fighting, rescuing, and overall superhero duties, peter parker was starting to lose his mind. he needed you with him, keeping him grounded and reminding him that the weight of the world, despite what his mind tells him, does not rest on his shoulders.

he paced around your shared apartment, waiting for you to get back from your roadtrip. he rushed over to the door when he heard you approach and threw it open. his heart overflowed with love for you as he laid his eyes on you for what felt like the first time in years.

you dropped your bag on the ground and rushed into his arms, squeezing him tightly. he squished you against his chest and rested his head on top of yours. you both stood there for a few minutes, relishing in the contact, before peter broke the hug and shut your front door. he grasped your hand and tugged you to your bedroom, before pushing you onto the bed.

“you owe me so many cuddles,” was all he said before jumping onto the bed next to you.

“come here then,” you opened your arms, motioning for him to lay on top of you.

“what if i wanted you to lay on me?” he asked, leaning on his elbow above you.

“just come here i’m tired,” you mumbled, pulling his arm a little. he complied, and positioned himself to be on top of you. his head was resting on your chest and his arms were wrapped around your waist.

“how was being the big bad spider-man?” you asked, threading your fingers through his hair. you tugged a bit at the hair on the back of his head, pulling a sigh out of peter’s mouth.

“i don’t wanna talk about it,” he yawned. he didn’t want to make you worry about him, knowing if he told you about the countless fights and criminals, you’d bolt out of bed demanding to make sure he was alright. and besides, for the first time since you left, he felt like he might get some decent sleep and he wasn’t about to ruin that by going back to the fights and injuries that occurred. “tell me about your trip.”

you told him about the adventures you and your friends had while driving across the country, scratching his head and tracing his cheek as you did. sometime during the story, he had moved up and buried his head in the crook of your neck. he pressed gentle kisses against your neck, causing you to giggle softly.

“i’m glad you had fun, baby,” he sighed against you. “but, you’re never allowed to leave for that long again. missed you too much.”

your heart fluttered and you lifted his head up gently. “don’t worry, pete. i’m never leaving again.”

he leaned forward, kissing you gently. he propped his elbows up next to your head, breaking the kiss to look into your eyes. he leant down and kissed your nose, “i love you so much.”

your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him back down so you could kiss him again. you broke the kiss, biting your lip to contain your smile, “i also love you so much.”

“good,” he smiled, kissing you again. “now move, it’s my turn to hold you. haven’t held you in so long, baby.”

he rolled over, bring you with him to lay against his chest. he rubbed your back as silence took over your room. he was lost in thought when you giggled, breaking him out of his trance.

“what?” he questioned, a smile growing on his face as he looked at you.

“nothing,” you laughed. “just thinking about how everyone thinks you’re a big bad superhero and here you are, cuddling with me.”

“is that a bad thing?” he asked.

“no i just like being the only one to see this side of the amazing spider-man,” you replied, nuzzling against his neck. “my spider-man.”

he smiled to himself. he whispered contently, “your spider-man.”

#cassie's masterlist #{ writing } #masterlist #{ andrew garfield!peter parker x reader } #{ peter parker x reader } #{ marvel } #peter parker x reader #peter parker blurb #peter parker fluff #andrew garfield!peter parker fluff #andrew garfield!peter parker x reader #{ requests } #{ asks } #100 #200

[sunsents]

Empty - F.W (1/2)

Gah daym this was a JOURNEY to write. I swore to myself to never write angst because, well I suck at it. But here we are, I swear this has a good ending because my heart can't bear that. I could've written this much better, so I promise to bring my A GAME for chapter 2. Enjoy, also Lee in this is a hate crime. This is very story telling-esk so I hope it flows well.

I wouldn't have written this chapter without the help of my good friend @mochiixjimin she helped me edit and spice up this whole thing so thank you so much to her! She's an amazing writer, go check out her work and show her some big love right now or else!! her wattpad

Chapter 1 out of 2 (Backstory)

Summary —> Life has always been a cruel joke to you, yet you simply play along. Overshadowed by Eva Burke your whole life, watching from the sidelines while everyone flooded each other with love, it would always feel like a joke.

Pairing: fredweasley x fem!reader

Word count: 6.1k

Warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST (with a fluffy ending in the second part) / One mature scene (18+) and then it's angst again <3 / Some slander / Offensive language

Rating: 18+

DON’T REPOST MY WORK

You were a bright child.

Beaming bright enough to keep a tight lipped smile during flu-shots, and enough to put on a happy façade when your dad threw away the drawing you had done of your family dog, rather than hang it up on the fridge.

Children have foolish dreams, and that was yours. Your friends in preschool boasted about their pictures being hung like trophies on fridges, with decorative magnets and even bigger pink bow ties.

The fridge in the Y/L/N manor was empty. Always empty, just how Ms. Y/L/N liked it. Empty marble floors with empty rug designs, and empty rooms with even emptier people living in it. They were both empty people. Hollow and void of any emotion, at least towards you.

You were different though. You were filled to the brim with ambition and hope and so many positive emotions that your parents never seemed to reflect on you. You were like those Disney princesses. The princesses always had hope, and when you have hope good things happen.

Right?

Your dad never meant to give you false hope. He just wished you’d keep your mouth shut as he worked until late hours. Using big words and having big aspirations, you shouldn’t have.

Mr and Mrs Y/L/N weren't bad people per say, just busy. They didn't know how to raise a child, this was obvious, because the purpose of even having a child was to fix their marriage. But a temporary fix wouldn't do it, it never did. There was always that hole on the roof, leaking rain of despair into their falsely built home that no bucket big enough could hold back. Because it always found a way to overflow.

They didn't know how to show their love, so they did it with money, clothes, toys and crayons that you would later use to draw pictures of your family, only to have them end up in the dumpster once again.

They spoiled you rotten, bought you gifts you never even dreamed of asking. You just shut up and enjoyed it, what else could you do? Whine and demand attention? Risk losing their favor? There was no favor to lose.

You got yourself a fat A plus on your third grade math test. Star stickers on your chest, you entered through the glass double doors of your house with a crooked smile - two front teeth missing of course - making your joy all the more endearing. Your backpack strapped tightly over your narrow shoulders, hanging low with all the crammed books you pushed before leaving school because you were just so excited to show your parents.

You received a big sloppy kiss from your Nanny, who practically was like a second mom to you, and dashed right into your fathers office to show him your new accomplishment.

"Good job, I'm proud of you."

You froze. You found a way to actually get their attention. The attention you so craved, the recognition you would die for. This was revolutionary. Basically a new era for you.

Nanny made you a star shaped cake that night, and sat with you while gently stroking your hair and listening to you blabber about how easy the math questions were. It felt warm, motherly love. Even if it was false, it would never compare to the love of your own mother, a love you would never get.

You spent all your night studying, your eyes burning under the harsh light of your lamp in the early mornings and your pencil, ebbing away over sheets and sheets of blank paper. Writing away your little hands off until they ached, just to snatch another A and get a good job.

This was good, it worked out very well. You became that student who looked forward to class, just to get a good grade and have the validation of your parents. The sight of your father’s lips quirk up even in the slightest, and how your mother’s eyes shone briefly in appreciation of your hard work, even if it was for a quick second, it was worth it.

Until the new neighbors moved in.

Mr. Burke was a round, cheerful man with an even rounder belly, and a big fat pipe that always hung on his lips. Mrs Burke looked and acted like those fairy godmothers you adored. You couldn’t believe such people existed. Mr Y/L/N invited them over for dinner, for courtesy. He was not happy about said courtesy.

He ended up liking the couple, they had a little daughter called Eva, who was small and adorable with round red cheeks and big doe eyes. Not only Mr and Mrs Burke, but the Y/L/N’s adored Eva as well. She was happy, always smiling, and her teeth weren't nearly as crooked as yours, not to mention she had pretty long hair like a princess.

You liked her a lot, took her to pick flowers, showed her the drawings you had prepared for the empty fridge; in case Mr Y/L/N ever had a change of heart and hung them up, you had been trying for three years and weren't giving up any sooner.

Eva was nice, kind enough to share her M&M's and very used to compliments unlike you. She seemed to get a lot from her parents and yours. The adults were so kind to her, always smothering her with love and kisses. You were happy for Eva, happy that Eva somehow managed to gain the favor of your parents before you did.

Little girls tended to be jealous, you weren’t. You were just glad to have a friend so cool, she didn't blush and stutter under praise and apparently her drawings were pretty enough to go on a fridge.

It was a Thursday afternoon when your mom smiled at you for the first time since your last exam grade. "Look, Eva drew us a picture, isn't it pretty?"

The crayola stash under your bed was no longer needed, they appeared clumsily dumped in the neighborhood trash the next day, most of them stomped under the pressure of your little sneakers. And the bundle of drawings you hid under your pillow, wishing on fairy godmother that one day they would be hung up too, were ripped; clearly a struggle given. You had paper cuts on your hands, and your Nanny thankfully applied ointment before Ms and Mr Y/L/N noticed, or rather, stopped to care.

Though you knew that even if you paraded herself with bloody fingers dripping to your elbows, they wouldn't care.

Nanny did, she was there. There when you were haunted with nightmares when the moon was particularly dark, cooing at you and letting you sleep next to her in that small bed of hers. There when you tripped and fell, small scratch resulting in a screaming tantrum. She was gentle, sweet, paid well.

You decided to go and pick flowers with Eva, and make a pretty flower crown for yourself, months after your drawing incident. Of course, you didn't have such silly dreams anymore. You didn’t wish to have your pictures hung, to have your mother wear the flower crowns you made and frankly you didn’t care for the sight of the sparkle in your parents eyes. Nanny’s was enough.

Eva agreed, dressed in a pink tutu Mrs Y/L/N gifted. You didn't comment, though deep down you gazed at the skirt in sparkling envy. Your mother never bothered to get you such pretty things. The two of you gathered saturated petals and nice ribbons while giggling amongst yourselves. Until, you accidentally caused Eva’s flowers to levitate.

Eva ran home, crying and calling you a witch. Mr and Mrs Y/L/N’s dirty looks made her feel shameful, and even dirtier when a letter addressed to her was dropped by a pretty owl you insisted on petting. It was from a school called Hogwarts, in the faraway land of London, and it seemed, not only you but Eva got the same letter the next day.

Though the Y/L/N’s and Burke’s were proud of Eva’s letter. They weren’t with yours.

— — — —

The ride to Hogwarts was interesting to say the least. You had so many questions unanswered, were you a fairy godmother too? Was that your destiny? Was that the reason you never got any attention, because you were destined to give instead of receive?

Eva was cheerful as always, making fast friends in newly bought uniforms and holding a pretty, long and thin wand, with designs flowing across the premise. Your wand was...functional. You were sad you couldn't choose, and that the wand chose the owner. It didn't make sense, what if you didn't want this wand? What if you wanted something charming like Eva’s? It should have been mutual.

It was while trying to find your way to the bathroom that you met the Weasley twins. Quite handsome, a year older and absolute fucktards. A word you learned from the two. Though you always found yourself laughing more at Fred’s jokes, you liked them both equally.

“Hey George! Look.” Fred had exclaimed, clinging onto his brothers shoulder and dragging him across. “Who's that girl?”

You introduced yourself, happy façade on, gentle words slipping out of your mouth like nectar. They had to like you, you told yourself. Just this once, more than Eva.

When sorted into Gryffindor, Eva, you and the twins became inseparable. Your group grew in second year, when Katie, Lee and Alicia Spinnet joined the bunch. You would make fun of the ghastly Potions Professor Snape, and imitate Dumbledore in the hallways to mess with the older students.

You loved your time at Hogwarts, and the adventures that came every year. Especially when Harry Potter joined.

“Hey Fred.”

Fred, who was fiddling with his bracelet you had bought him hummed in response, not bothering to look up.

You sighed, “Do you think the flowers can feel it when we pluck them?”

Fred turned at that, his bracelet was now tightly secure after his struggles. “I hope not.” he smiled, a faraway look on his face whenever he gazed at you. “You know, some people like pain.” he winked.

You merely looked at him confused, clearly way too young for...whatever that is.

He started laughing loudly, slapping his knee and causing you to scoff and slap him on the shoulder.

Third year was when it bloomed. The slight girly attention you gave Fred grew. Fred was...Fred. A handsome ginger, beater for their house's Quidditch team, always charming and charismatic that somehow oozed out of him whenever he did anything really. It was not unusual, every girl in school had a crush on him. That wasn't the case, Fred was one of your best friends, and you refused to entertain the idea of a possible...relationship.

Yet sometimes, you'd find yourself thinking about hugging and kissing Fred like you’d seen couples in your favorite movies did and you’d fall asleep with reddened cheeks and a boy with even redder hair in your mind.

But feelings couldn’t be controlled, nor easily hidden. Eva found out in your fourth year after hearing you mumble his name in your dreams. Fred Weasley was getting more handsome as years passed, and you found it hard to contain your feelings. You were crushing, hard.

Eva was...Eva about it. Happy, but nothing changed. She didn't tease like George did when he found out, nor did she act any differently towards Fred.

“Hey ____!” Fred had sat next to you, shaking the entire couch because he grew that tall during summer. “Got a new girl after me.” he looked at you, almost expectantly, as if you wouldn’t react the way you always reacted.

“That’s great Fred.” you smiled, gulping whatever lump that was forming in your throat and struggling to come out as vulgar words you wished to yell.

“Yeah,” Fred sighed, “It’s...great.”

Fred Weasley was a ladies man, and he wasn't afraid to show it. It was okay, because you were happy enough to be one of his closest, and that was enough. He often boasted about getting girls, and how successful his jokes were, and you always loved snapping back to him cockily, even more cockily than him. Playful banter was easy, comforting between them and when he turned away you would love to shyly entertain the idea of being one of those girl’s Fred talked about.

Fifth year, you had a sudden growth spurt. That was also the year where you discovered Cosmopolitan, Vogue and of course Witch Weekly. Hair no longer in a ponytail, legs shaved and smooth, short skirts with no nylons, you were a new person. After getting your period in third year, your spurt came late, but sudden. Way too sudden in the time of three months. It was hard to handle the changes occurring to your body. It was all too much that you had to become a lady and the fact that you didn’t have your mother to help was a pain you hid deep within.

It was as if whichever god above decided to squeeze your entire life into a summer and call it a day, because it was simply too busy. How ironic. No one saw your growth except old Nanny Gladys. Not Eva, nor her parents considering they went on a getaway and the Burke's, who had gone to Brazil.

But you were over that, you discovered the great telephone, and the great Hermione Granger, package deal with Ginny Weasley. You guys would talk on the phone for hours upon hours, Ginny obscuring your personality and Hermione altering your view on your parents. And Hermione was right, they were assholes. You didn't give a flying fuck about empty praises anymore.

You had become almost too tall for your older clothes, and your breasts were way too big to fit in the training bra you bought not even a month ago. Your hips, now wide and swaying as you walk became graceful, were decorated with long gem bracelets.

You cursed like a sailor that summer, ran around fields with family - your family being your dog, Jambo - bare feet. You stomped on flowers you used to pick as a little girl, stomping on those silly fairytale dreams you used to nurse, and never felt freer. For the first time ever you felt that maybe being empty could be more freeing than having false hope weighing you down.

Returning to Hogwarts was a big deal to students. Who changed, who glowed up after what happened last year - nothing, it was all childish drama.

Before your parents could even see your new self, your escapade to the Granger household was successful. The Y/L/N's didn't care, nor did they write. You knew it should’ve hurt, but frankly, you didn’t think having the pain in your chest was worth it. Hermione was awestruck, of course, after laying her sights on you for the first time since May and insisted on walking into the Entrance Hall, arm in arm with her and Ginny to show you off like some sort of revelation.

It was a revelation all right, at least to the boys, and some girls. It seemed no one saw you as a girl before. George oogled, and Lee was so shocked to find out that you were actually a girl with a pretty figure and an even prettier smile that he stopped clapping you on the back like he always did. Not a girl, you have become a woman. It was far too sudden, new uniforms and a whole new wardrobe had to be bought.

"____? You were a girl?" Fred joked, ruffling your hair like nothing changed between you. And that's when you realized, no slutty skirt, how much pushup your bra, or no matter how pretty your hair looked, Fred would always see you as ____, the girl with crooked front teeth and who once ate a worm in second year. Your teeth weren't crooked at all anymore - thanks to a few years of braces - and finally clear of uncomfortable metals but you felt as if Fred would always see the ghost of them on your pearly whites when you smiled.

He had this view of you that blinded him, caused him to treat you as he treated Ginny while he flirted and played footsie with other girls, including Eva.

That did not stop Eva from giving you false hope, and you took the bait, naive like always. Hope, that's what ruined it all. "You're beautiful now, of course you have a chance!" she said, rubbing your shoulder reassuringly, as if she had warmth to begin with.

It was all false, yet you still believed. You always had. Like a fool.

Ginny didn't like Eva, and maybe that's why you gravitated towards her. She was the first person who had ever met Eva that wasn't charmed by her kind smile and attractive words. Eva was...displeased. She grew up having the attention of everyone around, so when Ginny Weasley told her straight to her face that she wasn't shit, Eva seethed. The attention of Ginny changed nothing though, because Eva was the main character. Everyone - except Ginny, and secretly Hermione (though she would never say it) - loved her, they followed her around like puppies and praised her on her wonky wand work.

The upcoming Yule Ball brought great upswing to Hogwarts.

You were far too busy with her classes to take interest in the tournament - even though the dragon race was the gnarliest sight you had ever seen. Your goal was set, become a badass Auror and move out as soon as possible, so you didn't have to face your parents (except Holidays, yuck.)

But the Yule Ball was your chance. A chance with Fred Weasley.

You could ask to go as friends and maybe, just maybe a little hope and the night would end much more romantic than you had anticipated.

Plucking up courage was the hardest part, you practiced with your bathroom mirror so long that Ginny had to blast through the door and drag you out of her dormitory.

Fred Weasley agreed, why wouldn't he? You, his closest friend, asking to go as a group and drink all night while gossiping? It was a win win. At least that's what you told herself.

That was a lie, it wasn't a win win.

You gave it your all getting ready, dress silk, makeup and expensive shoes. You took a long shower, scrubbing and shaving yourself to a smooth gliding porcelain, only for it all to be washed down with reddened eyes and a boy with even redder hair.

Fred greeted you the same, danced the same, and you chatted the same; you were reminded again, for the second time, that you stood no chance.

Fred told you that he was going to get drinks, a quick trip to the booth and mumbled I'll be back in a second. He was not back in a second. Several minutes passed, and your worries caused your feet to follow after Fred's footsteps.

You ran, trying to find him in the empty corridors of Hogwarts, tears welling in your eyes because he wouldn't. He wasn't that cruel, life wasn't that cruel.

But it was, and in a distant empty classroom you saw Fred Weasley, on his knees and between Eva's legs, groaning and praising her like a starved man. Worshipping her like everyone else had, burying himself in her and completely forgetting the drink he’d bring back in just a second. He’d left you thirsty and alone in the Great Hall and left you to drink from a cup he hadn’t known to be forbidden. Yet Eva did.

Eva's perfect dainty hands tangled in his ginger hair, thighs clamping shut while her high pitched moans flooded your mind and echoed around your head. They were so loud that she couldn’t even hear the loud echoes of your footsteps and the woeful cries that left your lips as you ran. It wouldn’t be the first time she had ignored your pain for her own selfish reasons.

Your heart shattered, and suddenly you were six again, watching your parents praise Eva, hang her drawing on the fridge. A soft breeze tickling your bare toes, dangling from the small cushioned seat you sat on while you watched Eva braid Mrs Y/L/N’s hair. Emotionless, silent, not asking for anything, knowing that you won't receive in return. Eva's small hands carefully placed the flower crown on Mrs Y/L/N’s pool of hair, and she smiled, heart warming and hopeful. Suddenly you remembered the feel of your own hands tangling in between your locks as you stood on your tiptoes, trying to imitate your mothers braid on yourself in the mirror you couldn't reach. You pretended, only for a moment before it twisted into knots.

What a cruel joke, you thought as you watched Eva receive the world from Fred, from your parents, from your friends and from every damn person you had met.

You cried on a big set of stairs that night, your wails echoing as you asked whoever, whatever what you had done. What you had done to deserve such treatment from the people around you. It was rather cliche - and maybe a bit too dramatic. It was an uncomfortable seat of course, and your body, as well as your heart, ached. Pain, misery, false hope and enough hair spray to melt the ozone.

The princesses always cried on big sets of stairs, uncomfortable stone floors causing them to shiver while they hid away their beautifully animated faces in their perfect hands. This was different, there was no fairy godmother to fix your makeup and clone a gentlemanly Fred Weasley, a perfect prince. You knew, because you cried, and prayed and cried and prayed until your throat was sore. There was no fairy godmother, it was all a lie. There was no happy ending. There would be none.

No one came to find you that night either, and you had to drag yourself back to the Gryffindor common room, feet bare, mascara, blush - anything else you put on in hopes of being able to become like Eva even only for one night - practically nonexistent from the way your tears washed them away.

You didn't sleep that night, and your head was unusually clear, pounding, but clear. You laid awake, eyes blood-shot and stinging while your dress shuffled uncomfortably between your sheets. You were too tired to change, and your dress was far too pretty to be worn so short.

Ginny's words replayed over and over again. "They're not worth it." her voice was so clear, and true. Mr and Mrs Burke weren't worth it. Your parents weren't worth it. Fred Weasley wasn't worth it. Eva wasn't worth it. The midnight chirping of bugs invited themselves in from your open window, and blue moonlight streaks beaming down in lines from the tulle curtain flowed with breeze, it was calming.

You felt calm, for the first time in sixteen years. You felt calm.

Fred and Eva started dating that week. Everyone acted like they expected it, and you realized just how blind you had been. Eva Burke and Fred Weasley, golden couple of Hogwarts.

You watched them, emotionless, as they embraced with love and so much passion that you felt embarrassed. Embarrassed at how you’d blushed and squeal over Fred in front of Eva and George and anyone who had found out because now you knew. Now you knew that their amused smiles were probably pitying grimaces because they knew that you two were never meant to be. It was always Fred and Eva.

Fred was an amazing boyfriend, making sure Eva was taken care of, lovingly staring at her whenever and wherever, arm looped around her waist at all times; you realized they were truly not worth it.

"You disgust me."

You didn't mean the words to escape so carelessly, but when you said them, you realized you didn't want to take them back. The growing pit in your stomach felt weightless. "Excuse me?" said Fred, stopping his nibbling on Eva's neck, who was just as shocked. You scoffed, Eva already had enough purple bruises to parade around so why did Fred have the need to add more?

"You heard me right," George, Lee, Ron, Harry, Katie and whoever sitting in their circle stared at you, wide-eyed, Ginny and Hermione, however, were grinning devilishly. Kind ____, wouldn't hurt a fly, quiet at times and didn't know how to stand up for herself. It was shocking, but you were done pretending. You didn't want to be like that anymore, you wanted to say whatever came to mind and not worry about the consequences. "You guys disgust me, I know I should be supportive but you don't match, at all."

You turned to George. "And you, no you can't talk about Katie like that." George went pink. "You're disgusting for sleeping around carelessly and telling girls you'd write, stop giving people false hope. Grow up. You’re nearly an adult and you can’t even treat a girl right."

"And you Lee," Lee went quiet. "What gives you the right to make fun of me like that. I'll wear whatever the fuck I want, just because you don't have the courage to wear a headband. If you can talk about my breasts, I'll talk about your shrimp."

"Ron, you take advantage of Hermione then lead her on. Open your eyes, asshole."

"Harry, you're not the main character. You're not always going to be the center of attention, nor do you have the right to yell at your friends."

"Alicia, god you're so stupid. I'm sorry, you're great but such an airhead. No, you can't ride a Thestral if you can't see them, and stop eating quill ink they're bad for you."

You stood up, grinning proudly, heart loud in your chest you feared someone might hear. "Frankly, I don't wanna be friends anymore. I'm done with this façade, except you two, 'Gin, Hermione. The rest of you are just so fake." she gestured to them. "Boys," she nodded again. "Don't talk to me anymore, and Lee, give me back the money, think it's about time don't you think? I've been paying for you since third year."

And with that, you left. You left Three Broomsticks, grin wide and chest heaving. Hermione and Ginny ran behind, whooping and cheering you on as they laughed.

The news of your outburst spread fast like wildfire caught in wind. That week was bliss, you no longer had to watch Fred and Eva, nor did you have to act sweet to anyone. You didn't have to laugh along Lee's sexist jokes and look away to wince, it was pure bliss. You realized that the feeling of being free didn’t have to be momentary.

Pansy Parkinson was surprisingly a good friend, she didn't have the same fakeness to her, the one Eva had where her smile was too kind. She spoke her mind, though every Slytherin did, and you liked that. Ginny wasn't happy with your new found friends, but she couldn't separate you. You made your own decisions from now on. It was refreshing.

You told your new friends everything, eager to get it off your chest and breathe, and they listened. For the first time, someone listened. You didn't have to get good grades, nor did you have to act like a sweet angel.

You teared up the first time Pansy said; "It's not your fault,". You knew it wasn't your fault, but hearing someone else say it with such genuine eyes made you believe. Actually believe.

It started off with you watching from the sidelines as Draco and Blaise pranked, insulted and shamed whatever your old friend group did. It wasn't unusual for Draco to act this way, but he got especially irritated after hearing what you told them. Blaise, someone usually quiet, had stepped up and decided to somehow release the pent up anger he had for the Gryffindor students.

The year ended, and you had started to sneak in an insult or two towards Fred and Eva. It felt nice, like finally, step by step you were clearing your years of hidden jealousy. But, there was no one to tell you that this simply wasn't the right way.

That summer, you stayed at the Burrow. Ginny had invited you and you were quick to say yes; obviously a fact forgotten. Fred, George and whoever you had insulted last year stayed in the same house. You simply didn't want to go home, and if this meant seeing Fred Weasley then you had to endure it.

Molly Weasley was the sweetest person you could ever meet, and it was genuine. It felt genuine, you feared your teeth might rot if the woman got another word in. Molly greeted you as if you were her own daughter she hadn't seen in years. You felt valued, seen.

Until Eva was there, Fred invited her. You had to watch the only person you were able to love, introduce the only person he was able to love to his mother. It wasn't you. It would never be you.

And you realized, even after everything, Eva had once again found a way to be more loved than you.

The grin Molly broke out was nothing short of beautiful, and you couldn't help but smile as well. The smile wasn't directed towards you of course, and you sat on that small kitchen chair, celebrating a relationship that caused your ruin.

Eva didn't care that your friendship was over, nothing budged in her life. She still got the same attention, still received the same love from Fred. The same affection, the same attention and the same everything. Or so it seemed.

Though unlike Eva, Fred merely watched you with sad eyes.

You stayed clear of the couple and the rest. You hung out with Ginny and Hermione only, ignoring the dirty looks Ron and Harry gave you. The secret, whispered insults Eva threw your way. George didn't say anything, but he didn't object either. This was enough to show how he felt. At this point you really didn't care. Why would you, when they didn’t either?

You held your head high just like Ginny and Hermione told you to, and you spoke in a loud and clear tone whenever asked something. Eva didn't, she stuttered when you spoke to her directly. Her words scrambled against each other when she tried to voice her insults in louder statements than a whisper. For the first time, you felt relief. You felt intimidating, protected by the barriers you had built around yourself.

Longest day of summer hit, and it boiled. Tanning became a distant dream, you would bake in this weather, and you were thankful to the big AC box you had brought from home. You couldn't sleep that night, sweat beads falling down your forehead that was already covered in a thin sheen. You had decided to get a cold glass of water, not sure how you ended up face to face with Fred Weasley. His wand tip shone with blue light, and his freckles were much darker because of the sun. It seemed the sun decided to be cruel to Fred Weasley back and wash Fred over with it's deathly heat. He was sunburnt, this was an understatement. He was burnt.

You couldn't help but start laughing when you met, ignoring the proximity, ignoring the sleeping house, dead silent and a big leap from the lively Burrow, ignoring Fred's soft breaths he let out every other second. You couldn't live off on false hope anymore.

Suddenly it wasn't so funny anymore, and your face quickly fell. You took a big step back and inhaled, ready to ignore him like you had been doing for the past year. But Fred Weasley was a persistent man, and he gripped your arm and looked at you with determined, doe-like eyes. "Tell me what I did wrong." he said, adamant on fixing this, whatever this was. You both didn't know.

You stood silent.

"Please flower,"

"Don't call me that." you said, stern and gaze sharp. Fred didn't react, he kept on insisting.

"Please, tell me how to fix this. I can fix it," he pleaded, a plethora of empty promises fell out of his lips like nothing. He lied like it was nothing, he was oblivious to everything he and everyone around them had put you through. It was infuriating.

You didn't say anything. You knew he would not fix anything but maybe staying silent would give him the false hope that spinned mockingly in your head for the past eighteen years.

"I'm sorry, just please. I can fix this, I promise, don't be like that." empty tears fell down from his eyes. He looked empty, tired. They lacked the charm they usually shined with and you wondered if it was only you that caused such dullness. Eye bags prominent that you never noticed before. It all felt like a lie, a cruel joke.

Fred Weasley was simply a cruel joke. His presence could only be compared to a shot of whiskey, especially when you down it like how Hagrid nurses a Firewhiskey filled pint glass. You never know how it will hit you. But in the end, you'd always find yourself curled next to the toilet, crying your eyes out because your headache was simply too much.

He was sobbing now, hanging onto your waist like you would simply vanish and you let him. The grip he had on was like steel vice - almost concerning - but you didn't touch him, didn't say anything. You just let him be, like he did to you. Allowed him to hopelessly hang off you before you would eventually leave him alone, like he did to you. "Where did I go wrong? How could we end up like this? What went wrong?"

‘You’, but your voice couldn’t be found.

Questions were useless when the answer was already right in front of his eyes. You didn’t let a single tear fall, you wouldn't forgive yourself if you cried in front of him.

You blinked, and that night was over. Summer continued on like nothing happened, like it didn't leave you heart broken and in such shame yet again. You continued on ignoring Fred as he looked at you with sorrowful eyes. Looked at you more, with more than he did his own girlfriend.

You blinked and the school year started again with another terror looming around the corner. There was simply no need to keep up anymore, because school was easy. You attended classes, got good grades, a few scar here and there from Umbridge's torture chamber, a woman who stood at a whopping five foot three yet still teriffied an entire school.

You blinked and you had already become a proud member of Draco's insult the Gryffindor's club. You didn't even feel bad, being horrible to the people you hated for years felt like a breath of fresh air. You didn't go as far as physically hurting any of your old friends, but coming up with damaging insults was such fun. A lot more fun than sitting around with a fake smile.

You blinked, and you were already moving out from your childhood house. Mr and Mrs Y/L/N were unusually happy, this was a given. They would have a new empty room and make another office, like they didn't have enough already. You feared they would start getting rid of bathrooms once too into their work, and they would have to do their business in bushes or buckets. Scratch that, you didn't fear that, it would be fucking hilarious.

You blinked, and when had time passed too quickly? Where did all those empty childhood years had gone? You were already graduating, on your way to become an Auror. You had lost contact with all your old friends now, regretfully Ginny and Hermione too.

The war had hit too quickly, luckily you survived, so did your friends. Unluckily, it left you with a nasty scar right across your left brow. It looked sick, but the hit wasn't worth it. It hurt like a bitch. You could see, it was a close call but vision wasn't an issue. The trauma though, god did Bellatrix's breath smell bad.

When it was all over, you had seen Fred hugging his family tightly. It seemed the Weasley's all survived, and you gave them each tight lipped smiles while holding a bunched up rag to your head to stop the blood gushing out. This wasn't the reunion you wanted to have with Ginny, but hey, you take what you can get after a revolutionary Wizarding war you barely made out alive.

Before a franticly running Fred could reach you though, you apparated to your flat in Diagon Alley, ignoring the thrumming of your heart, and how you practiced in front of a mirror to congratulate their successful joke shop that morning.

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