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the-aesthetics-witch · 1 year

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Mourning

A Poem By Sal Engle

I’ve been mourning my parents since the day I was born.

That's pretty melodramatic of me to say but the older I get the more I realize it’s true.

I know that no parent is perfect.

But when I look at my mother and my father, I realize that most parents at least try to be.

The saddest part of coming from a broken home is that you never really get to mourn what could have been.

Or maybe it’s that you never really get to get over losing what you never had.

My dad used to beat my older brother and when he moved in with his dad, mine started to beat on me.

My mom never said anything.

I used to hate my brother for leaving.

Now I hate my father for staying.

Going to college has allowed me to realize a lot of things.

I was never the villain.

My brother did what he had to.

My mother was just as bad as her husband.

And that I feel sorry for the grown man who had to beat a kid because he was to stupid to learn basic communication skills.

I also realized that I miss missing them.

When I was a kid I would always have to go home early from sleepovers because I missed my mom so much.

Now I live over two-hundred miles from her and I barely feel a thing.

The worst part of coming from an abusive home is always wanting to go home, but having nowhere to go.

Because the house you live in hasn’t been home for over a decade.

It stopped being home when you started taking the hits for your younger siblings' mistakes.

It stopped being home when you started finding ways to get away for more and more time every day,

It stopped being home when you spent more time thinking about how to kill yourself than about what you wanted for your birthday.

It stopped being home when you felt selfish for being happy.

I haven’t felt safe in years because of my parents.

My mom would read my journals,

My dad would hit me over the stupidest shit.

One time I remember I had said something about him needing to put the dog away because I was busy and she was being a little annoying.

He replied with something about locking me up in a kennel everytime I annoyed him.

So being a seventeen year old with a perfect duplicate of his temper I spit back “so do it then.”

I had a friend over so I thought he wouldn’t do anything.

I was wrong.

He came into the kitchen where I was making us dinner because, gods forbid he cook for his kids, and he cornered me by the fridge.

He tried to hit me and I pushed him away.

First rule of a physically abusive parent is never fight back.

I forgot the rule and got my comeuppance for that mistake.

He grabbed my throat, pinned me against the wall, got in my face and yelled at me.

Told me to “never fucking put your hands on me.”

He wasn’t drunk, or high, just pissed.

My crime was being a mouthy teenager.

My punishment was being choked and slammed against a wall.

It’s been two years since then and I still remember exactly how he smelled, how his hand felt, the look in my younger sibling’s eyes when he walked away.

Most importantly I remember how I just went back to making the fucking mac-n-cheese on the stove while I choked down my sobs.

Because of shit like that I never learned how to respond when someone would hurt me.

I got into my first fight at thirteen for some guy who was treating me as bad as my parents did.

The girl I got into it with beat my face so bad that I had a black eye and spotty vision for a week.

My first thought after I got away from this bitch?

“Damn you’d think I would be able to take a hit by now.”

Do you realize how fucked up that was.

Because I didn’t.

I stood in the girls bathroom of my middle school sobbing and I just berated myself because I couldn’t take a hit at thirteen.

She almost broke my eye socket and I was just pissed that I was crying over it.

My dad had this saying.

“Never be a victim, be a survivor.”

And he brought it up every single time I talked about anything bad in my life.

I wasn’t allowed to be angry or upset or to hold a grudge because I needed to “get over it.”

I got beat up? Get over it.

I got left behind in a house fire as a child? Get over it.

I was sexually assaulted? Get over it

I was molested?

I was abused?

I was dumped?

Get over it, get over it, get over it.

I wasn’t allowed to be upset.

And my mother echoed that sentiment.

In theory she is very much the grin and bear it type.

Which is ironic because in practice she’s more the get drunk till you forget it type.

Because of that I slowly came to the realization that my parents would never be there for me.

And once I realized that I started to mourn our relationship.

I mourn my parents not because I love them.

In fact if I got a call that my parents died last night I would go out, get a fake ID, and drink myself stupid to celebrate.

I mourn them in the same way you mourn a fake friend.

I mourn the people I wanted them to be.

Not who they are.

I mourn the way I wanted them to be.

I mourn because I know that no matter what I do or how hard I try I will never make them proud enough to say it sober.

And that hurts.

I will never say it doesn’t.

But I will say that it doesn’t matter.

Because their opinions of me haven’t mattered for a long time.

I just had to accept that to feel better.

I don’t have parents, I haven’t had parents for a long time.

But that’s okay.

I’ll mourn that family for the rest of my life.

Losing a parent while they’re still alive hurts as much as them dying.

Except when you lose them while they’re alive you spend the next twenty years being haunted by someone you never got to know.

But one day I’ll get over it.

And one day I’ll finally put away the mourning clothes.

And that day is the day that I’ll finally be okay.

#tw: abuse #Death #Mourning #daddy issues

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alsjeblieft-zeg · 2 years

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129 of 2022

Are looks important in a relationship?

They’re not. If I love someone, they’re beautiful to me, no matter what they look like.

Are relationships ever worth it?

It depends. Romance is not my thing anyway.

Are you a virgin?

No, I’m not.

Are you in a relationship?

I’m married.

Are you in love?

I do love my husband, that’s for sure. How romantic is it, probably not much. XD But we’re a perfect couple.

Besides that, there’s this man who happens to be my favourite now. There’s certainly some kind of love going on here... on my side, at least. But it’s not beyond platonic, I think.

Are you single this year?

I’m not.

Can you commit to one person?

Only to one person at a time.

Describe your crush:

He’s not really my crush, more likely platonic. He’s taller than me and has blue eyes, and I swear these are the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I really like his personality, too.

Describe your perfect mate:

I’ve found one already.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

No, I don’t. No matter what kind of love it is.

Do you ever want to get married?

I am already.

Do you forgive betrayal?

I’m not sure anymore.

Do you get jealous easily?

No, I don’t.

Do you have a crush on anyone?

Kind of, but it’s platonic.

Do you have any piercings?

Currently seven. Mostly in my ears, but I have two lip piercings as well.

Do you have any tattoos?

Just one, but I£’m planning on another.

Do you like kissing in public?

I don’t really like kissing at all.

Do you masturbate?

I’d rather not.

Do you shave your neither regions?

WTF is “neither regions”??

Do you shower every day?

Even twice a day.

Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I can only hope... not like he’d ever have XD my husband loves me, though. That I know for sure.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

I don’t think so, not the one I’d like. Maybe my parents.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I’ve lasted 4 years without cheating, what’s the deal? Besides, I don’t find anything even remotely exciting in sex, let alone with random people.

Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I am married already.

Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

It’s not a matter of wanting.

Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes, two different people.

Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Yeah, my first ex.

Have you ever been cheated on?

Quite a few times, by the same ex.

Have you ever cheated on someone?

No. Sex is not even exciting to me, so why would I anyway.

Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

No. Some things cannot be changed anyway.

Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Not really cried, but something in that vein.

Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Yeah, this shit hurts.

Have you ever had sex with a man?

Yeah, with my 2nd ex and with my husband. Not at the same time, though.

Have you ever had sex with a woman?

No, and honestly, I wouldn’t want to.

Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yeah, my husband.

Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

All my relationships started as friendships.

Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

No, never.

Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes, my husband.

Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Quite so.

Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

No, I’m not good at such things anyway.

Have you had sex so far this year?

Unfortunately yes.

How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Typically I try to release myself when kissing goes too long lol. I don’t like kissing, I don’t like all that sex stuff as well. It’s incredibly boring and does nothing to me.

How long was your longest relationship?

Four years and counting.

How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Three boyfriends, no girlfriends.

How many people did you kiss in 2011?

Haha lol, this survey is old. Probably one.

How many times did you have sex last year?

Do you think I count it or keep track on it? I have better things to do.

How old are you?

32.

If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Well, shit happens.

If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

My favourite thing about my husband is that he’s blunt and down to earth, and he doesn’t care what others think about him.

If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

What is “true love” anyway? All kinds of love are true, if honest.

Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Not even my husband lol :P but I’d do a lot for him because I love him.

Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Yeah, someone I thought was my friend, but turned out very toxic.

Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I don’t give a fuck if anyone does.

Is there someone you will never forget?

Yes, my 2nd ex.

Share a relationship story.

We met at work. Enough?

State 8 facts about your body:

I have a connective tissue disorder known as Marfan syndrome. Thankfully it’s relatively mild.

Because of this, I’m tall and slender, I’ve described myself somewhere as “long and narrow” and there’s no exaggeration in it.

I have long and thin fingers. For the same reason as well.

I have long limbs in general. Guess what, the reason is the same.

I’m very nearsighted, the lenses in my eyes are dislocated and the reason is again the same.

I have freckles. Not only on my face, but also on my shoulders. My husband loves them.

I don’t get tan without burning first.

My nails grow fast and I hate it.

Things you want to say to an ex:

I still love you and I’m happy that we stayed friends.

What are five ways to win your heart?

Be yourself, be genuine, be caring, don’t judge, don’t generalise or make false assumptions.

What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

Are you crazy? I’m not going to post my face anywhere on the internet.

What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

18 years between me and my husband.

What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Eyes.

What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Leaving me alone and letting me sleep.

What is your definition of “having sex”?

Sacrificing myself for 15 minutes so my husband would STFU. No, really. I do it only for him.

What is your definition of cheating?

Preferring someone else over me, if we’re in a relationship.

What is your favourite foreplay routine?

No foreplay, it’s boring.

What is your favourite roleplay?

None, don’t bother me.

What is your idea of the perfect date?

Guys night with lots of beer.

What is your sexual orientation?

In short I’m gay, if you want more details, I’m most likely a homo-oriented aroace. I don’t even overthink it, it’s just who I am.

What turns you off?

When someone doesn’t know what a shower is.

What turns you on?

Nothing, but aesthetically speaking, I like pretty eyes.

What was your kinkiest wet dream?

I’ve never had really kinky dreams.

What words do you like to hear during sex?

“I’m finished”. Really.

What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Be there for me.

What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

I’m not looking for anything. But guys with pretty eyes are breathtaking.

What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

My husband has been visiting me in the hospital every day, cheering me up and talking with me.

What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I don’t know, let the others speak.

What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

No opinion, age is just a number. Well, unless someone involved is a minor.

What’s your dirtiest secret?

I don’t like sex. How dirty is that?

When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

I don’t think I’ve ever felt jealous.

When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Today.

Who are five people you find attractive?

My husband, my 2nd ex, this guy I like, one Dutch rapper (yeah I know), and at this moment, it’s all.

Who is the last person you hugged?

My husband.

Who was your first kiss with?

My 1st ex.

Why did your last relationship fail?

It didn’t fail. We just decided to terminate it because of long distance.

Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

No. You never truly know who is there.

You’ll love me if:

You’re not judgemental. Or understanding and caring.

#survey #themed survey #q&a survey

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shipskicksandgiggles · 2 years

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6, 12, 19, and 32 for the writer asks :]

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

that I'll lose the ability to come up with stories people will read and appreciate. as much as I write for myself, I want people to read my work and feel like they've gained something from it, so there's always a feeling of dread that they won't

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

lmao okay so first, maybe an obvious one, but wish 1 would be the ability to finish all my wips (all 15 of them) before I start anything new, wish 2 would be to add an extra day to the week for me to just write (so no work, doctor's appointments, chores, etc.), and wish 3 would be to have all my favorite fics printed and bound in a fancy book. i just think that would be cool

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

so technically I've been writing my whole life, but I only started seriously writing about three years ago. it was mid-2019, it was summer break, and I was honestly going through some shit. I saw an prompt about laser tag and decided to dedicate my time and energy to a ship that barely had a fanbase as a way to cope with going into my senior year of high school, being a captain for multiple student groups, applying for college and scholarships, and having a crush on someone I never thought would reciprocate. somehow I lived through that and now I'm here

there were definitely some bumps, I took about six months off in 2020, but I came back, added to one of my favorite series, and kept going. I've definitely evolved (believe it or not I used to write winteriron before stumbling into ironhushbands), and I'm still evolving, working on writing new fandoms and branching out with more characters and aus. I've also been thinking about my original stuff more and more recently, so we'll see if I ever get that book written. anyways, that's the long winded way of saying I have no idea how the hell I got here, but I sure did it

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

oh that's a good question. I was literally just thinking about this and I’ve already gotten long winded so I’ll keep it short, but there’s a fic of Peachy’s that I just love. it’s with Harley and Rhodey, and there’s a paragraph about relationships and how loving someone involves choices. like you choose to love someone every single day. and that quote means so much to me

weird asks for writers

#asks #answers #ellis writes #naomi tag

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honey-tea-and-cookies · 2 years

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I love your fmk with sings lmao, how about friend, marry, kill for moon signs?

Hi honey! I can definitely do that :)

Friend, Marry, Kill w/ The Moon Signs

Aries: Kill. I feel like I've said 'kill' for a lot of Aries placements, but I promise I love y'all I swear!! I just find myself having to rein you guys in all the time. I know how impulsive you can be, no matter how much you deny it. You're also so defensive. I'm certain I'll have at least one of you in the comments of these post like 'SoMe GoT hUrT bY aN aRiEs' (yes that's a direct quote of a comment I got, my love @astrologyninaa can back me up). No I was not hurt by you, you just can't take any criticism AT ALL. It's a bit funny, but also shut up before I make you (not in a cute way). ANYWAY y'all are also very funny and make me laugh when no one else can, and I love you for your soft lil moments like that. Still got the 'kill' verdict though smh 🙄.

Taurus: Friend. Okay this is ✨me✨ so sorry if I seem biased. HOWEVER. Every single Taurus Moon I've met is such a beautiful soul omg. So so kind, and would do anything they can to help others. A bit random, but they always have one signature fashion thing they can do?? For example; my old science teacher always wears a suit with a cartoon-themed tie to class on Wednesdays, and he has for the last 2 or 3 years (I love him sm). I'll use another example that's probably more relatable lol; my Taurus Moon friend always looks absolutely exceptional in green. They're also so smart! People talk about how hard working they are, which is true, but they're also just genuinely very intelligent.

Gemini: Friend. I'll be honest, both of my best friends are Gemini Moons lmao. So, so so SO funny. I know everyone talks about that but it cannot be stressed enough. You can vent to them about anything and they make it all feel so much better with humour. Also if you're the kind of person who just wants your friend to agree with them when you vent, GEMINI MOON IS YOUR MAN. Also if you're an introvert/mentally ill like me (lmao), these are the guys that will get you out the house. They are the ones that will say "PR, you haven't left the house in over 2 weeks, come to my party" and when I don't explicitly say yes, they say "Come on let's plan your outfit" and I'm sold. Also, they give the best music recommendations. I would be honoured to listen to one of your playlists honestly

Cancer: Marry. Honestly for the same/similar reasons as why I adore Cancer Venus. I wanna binge Disney movies with you. You feel like the type of friends to make shitty music videos with me in my bedroom (that is a high compliment, that shit is like baring your soul, embarrassing as hell). Please just,, let me adore you. Let me bake you cookies (you can help me if you really want though!!!). Lay down and let me rub your shoulders. MWAH. I love you. I would write a poem about you. You are the ultimate muse. Honestly please jus let me snuggle you okay?? You're warm and your hair smells like strawberries. Also y'all share this placement with Taylor Swift so go off 😭

Leo: Kill. I'M SORRY. Y'ALL LEO MOON BITCHES ARE SCARY. Y'all are always like 'You can't handle me 😍💅'. NO. NO I CAN'T. I'M SORRY. I've tried, and I have always failed. You got me. My Taurus Moon is fucking losing it with you guys omg. You're somehow a lot and also not at all genuine. Hollow. I'm being so mean right now and I'm so sorry I do love you. But goddamn. Please wear a warning sign <3

Virgo: Marry. Whenever I see this placement in someone's chart, I just know they're a green flag. I could talk with you for hours and hours and hours and not get bored (which I have done, by the way. AND I'D DO IT AGAIN?!). You guys both know everything, and are so open to learning new things. I've never met someone so eager to improve themselves and admit when they are wrong. You're also sweethearts. You've always been there when I needed you, even if you certainly did not have to. You're so funny too. Sensational sarcasm. Omg y'all are also gossip queens? No one talks about it enough, but you got the tea on everybody. I think it's because you just observe. You see and hear all (and tell me all of it aasjdwcfhqiee lmaoooo). I love love love you <3333

Libra: Friend. I was going to say 'kill' but then I realised I absolutely adore too many of you to do that. When undeveloped, you're the worst. Genuinely my least favourite people. BUT!! When developed and utilised properly, you're the sweetest most loving people in the world. Sometimes I have to really pay attention to notice all the little things you do, but they are there. For example; you always come to me for advice because you know that's how I show my love. Or you make a point of remembering the things that help with my panic attacks, and are always available if I ever need you for that. Or you get excited and come to find me specifically to ramble about whatever it is now, because you know I always feel so honoured to listen.

Scorpio: Kill. I honestly think this is such a beautiful placement when used correctly, but I've genuinely been treated horribly by every Scorpio Moon I've had in my life. I want to be clear; everything I'm about to say, is talking about *underdeveloped* Scorpio Moons. I know you don't necessarily mean to hurt me. It's my fault as well, not setting clear enough boundaries. I know I said you could come to me whenever, and I meant that, but you definitely abuse it sometimes. I've noticed that a lot of you are very attracted to me, which is wonderful! But your love is incredibly intense and suffocating. You can get blinded by it sometimes, which isn't fair to the other person. I'm sure y'all are lovely when developed though <3

Sagittarius: Friend. You remind me of Christmas fruit mince pies (that's a compliment). I actually don't like mince pies, but still. You're sweet! You're fruity. You give me energy (like how sugar does? You know?). The type to take lots of pictures and pin them up on a corkboard for memories sake. Cute!! I feel like you'd want to copy off my homework, but that's okay. I've said this before but, I feel like y'all would watch The Disastrous Life of Saiki K with me and that's such a good thing omg I'd love you forever. Also every one of you that I've met was musically talented in some way, so go you!!

Capricorn: Marry. Honestly my favourite Moon sign, I simp for y'all TOO HARD. I see y'all and my back start archin frrrr 🙏🙏 (I'm so sorry). Wife/husband material. I feel like it would just be so easy to live with you in domestic bliss. Going grocery shopping together, cooking dinner for you, cleaning the house while jamming to music. I actually could not think of anything better. Your hardworking nature?? MMMMM. Your deep desire for financial stability?? MMMMMM. Your physical way of showing affection?? MMMMMMMMMMMM. I don't mean to come off too strong, but I would lay down my life for you and that's not an exaggeration in the slightest. Please let me kiss you (consensually, you can say no) <333

Aquarius: Kill. Y'all are hot, but I feel like you don't ever take me seriously. Like, I'm not dumb!! You're not the only smart person here!! Maybe I've just never been close enough to you, but you can be so iffy sometimes?? You're either all interested in me and my life, or you haven't spoken to me in 11 months. I cannot ever tell if you like me or not. Y'all are not direct AT ALL. This part of you makes me so anxious. Overall, unpredictable and scary. Generally pretty cool though :)

Pisces: Friend. You're the sweetest people ever I don't take criticism. Personally, my favourite place for Pisces to be. You always make such an effort to understand and relate to me. You just wanna know people, you know? Especially if you've struggled to feel heard. You stand up for everybody that deserves it. I think when people hear 'empathetic' they also think 'weak' but that's simply not true. You use your struggles to help others, and that's incredibly brave. So SO much respect for you guys. You all deserve the biggest hug (if you want one). Come here, sweetie. I love you. It's okay. I see what you're doing and I thank you endlessly. I adore you all <3333

This is all I have for today! Thank you so much everyone for reading, and thank you for sending this ask in! I hope it resonated. I want to remind everyone that there are no bad placements. Sending you all lots of love <333

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marbleheavy · 3 years

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here are some of my Nico headcanons that nobody asked for!!

He collects things. Not just Mythomagic stuff like he did as a kid, but cool shells, and rocks, and weird glass figurines that everyone else thinks are terrifying, and books. He’s got them in jars or lined up on shelves and he just has so many things (Because for so long he had so few things that actually belonged to him that didn’t have to serve a very clear purpose, so now he just wants to keep whatever he’d like)

He reads SO much as an adult. A lot of it is nonfiction because he’s trying to catch up on what happened in the world while he was pulled out of it, but a lot of fiction too (not really fantasy though, that’s too close to home) and a lot of poetry. He can recite poems from memory and will just randomly quote them sometimes and it should be pretentious but it isn’t and his friends think it’s amazing (cue dramatically saying "till love and fame to nothingness do sink" anytime he's told he has to wait) (Also, he will rant about why Ted Hughes sucks at any point in time)

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again!! He is a Dungeon Master! He’s got a binder for all the notes for his current campaign and a notebook for ideas and special highlighters and pens that he only uses for D&D. Also, dice are definitely one of the things he collects and he keeps them in those clear, plastic bead containers with dividers and they’re sorted by number of faces and also ~vibes~ (for example, do a backflip D20 and life or death D20)

leather jacket Nico di Angelo? seen, respected, and appreciated. CARDIGAN Nico di Angelo? underrated! He has a couple oversized cardigans with buttons and big pockets that he adores. The first one he ever had he definitely stole from Will but now, whenever he comes across another similar one, he buys it. The pockets are filled with rocks and worn, mass-market paperbacks and pens. (Basically, I’m leaning hard into English Major Nico with his annotated books and glasses and cardigans) (Also, cardigan Nico and flannel Will but sometimes they swap)

He definitely cuts his own hair in the bathroom and he's gotten very good at it. He's had a range of haircuts, from long hair to a mullet to the shaved sides and fluffy top, but he always ends up back with a shaggy mop that Hazel likes to put little braids in (or sometimes pull the very back of it into two little pigtails) and with bangs that always end up in his eyes.

Sorry to reiterate the same point that's been made forever, but his wardrobe is pretty dark-toned. Obviously black, but he does like a good jewel tone, perhaps a maroon or an emerald. Anything really bright was either a gift or belongs to Will someone else. Also, gendered clothing means nothing to him. He wears what he wants to wear and he thinks it's cool as hell when he's wearing a skirt while sparring and it flares out dramatically as he twirls.

He's kind of picked up modern slang but he also uses a lot of slang from pretty much every decade he missed. It's also a 50/50 chance he's using it incorrectly. (examples include: 1) Leo says something that is definitely supposed to be funny and Nico stares at him, utterly emotionless, and says "Gag me with a spoon" in an alarmingly monotone voice, and 2) Anytime he says something snarky to Jason or Percy he starts it with "hey bestie..." and honestly, they're both just touched Nico called them "bestie" at all)

He adores Studio Ghibli movies and can be found humming the Ponyo theme song anytime he goes swimming (Will standing on the shore, looking around for Nico and he eventually spots him in the water. He wades out to Nico, all sunglasses that shouldn't look so cool and golden hair and chest, and just greets him with "Hey there, Neeks, how's my fishie in the sea?" and Nico can't decide if he wants to drown himself or kiss Will on his stupid mouth)

Speaking of movies, shortly after the Giant War, all of his friends (the Seven, Reyna, Will, probably Lou Ellen and Cecil, too) showed up at his cabin with blankets and snacks. They each brought their favorite movie or movies they think he needs to see to catch him up on the modern age. At first, he acts disgruntled that they're all there but he very quickly settles into the blanket fort Annabeth constructs and is quietly very grateful and excited that they cared enough to do this for him. They're all holed up in his cabin for a full day until they've finished every movie. (Percy brought Finding Nemo, Annabeth brought Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Piper brought Scott Pilgrim vs The World, Jason brought Captain America: The First Avenger (and Nico definitely says "that's gay" when Steve and Bucky say there "Until the end of the line" shit and everybody absolutely loses their minds), Hazel also is behind on movies but she brought either a very scary movie or Moana, Frank brought A New Hope (though he considered Brother Bear), Will brought Spirited Away, Cecil brought Back to the Future, and Lou Ellen brought The Princess Bride)

He can play the piano! He gets a piano for the Hades cabin and on nights where he can't sleep and the nightmares are really bad, he plays piano.

He will cry if he hears I Will by Mitski or Wasteland, Baby by Hozier, for different reasons but also kind of not (he wants to be loved)

Also, Nico and Dionysus being buddies! Nico jokingly says he'll host a bacchanal if Dionysus excuses him from certain camp activities and that's how Nico and friends end up wearing togas around a campfire, all very hesitantly holding cups of wine they aren't actually going to drink. It is definitely not a bacchanal, it's just a bad toga party (barely) but Dionysus accepts it and decides Nico is a Good One.

(Yes I did very badly make this stupid meme that somebody has definitely made a variation of before)

This is definitely not a complete list of headcanons but it's what I've got so far!

#nico di angelo #nico di angelo headcanon #pjo #will solace #solangelo #headcanons #heroes of olympus

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domsbabydoll · 2 years

Text

The light inside of you

“This piece is unfinished, but I really wanted to share what I’ve got so far with y’all…”

Cups clink and whispered chatter buzzes in the air of the cafe.

You’ve been coming to the Thursday evening open mic nights for months now, and every time you perform your poetry, it’s like his eyes are boring right into you— Elliot, that guy who plays the guitar and sings. You don’t know him, but you feel like you do; you both have been pouring your heart out on this stage to a rotating audience for weeks now.

You two are the constants, you two have learned so much about each other through watching each other perform. Like, earlier tonight, he sang this heartbreakingly beautiful song about letting go of a friend, his hope that it was worth it. You heard someone roughly whispering that they thought it was too long, you evil-glared at them. It truly was a gorgeous song, he put his whole heart out there… maybe it was time to finally shoot your shot. If he could show brutal vulnerability, so could you.

You can’t be losing your mind. You could SWEAR that there’s been this building sexual and emotional tension between you two. Every time you perform, it’s like he’s not looking AT you, it’s like he’s looking INSIDE you, an intense look in his eyes. Every time he performs, you watch with rapt attention and sometimes, you could swear he was smirking seductively at you…

Okay, you can do this.

You clear your throat, take a deep sigh, and begin, heart racing:

“Your skin gleams, yellow and gold like a light beam

My blood burns, red, hot and smoldering—

Cheeks flushing pink from the heat when your eyes catch a hold of me”

Like a magnet, his eyes lock on yours from the Audience.

… “chocolate brown eyes as sweet as honey, I—

Feel the heat and stickiness of this lust building inside

I just want to die a little death in your arms tonight

Le petite mort—giving release to the tension that hangs in the air between

I’ve been swimming in your vulnerability for weeks and weeks now and am in awe of your lightness

The way you float on air despite the heaviness and tightness of what burdens you

There is unfathomable light inside of you

I catch glimpses when I think I catch you looking at me

And as your gaze leaks light into me, I am humbled by the flashes of galaxies not yet fully seen by me or, as I suspect, anybody, and I yearn to find more and much

I’m hungry to know your physical touch

Have I said too much? My heart sometimes speaks quicker than my tongue

But my tongue is tied between reciting poetry in awe of your beauty and doing naughty things to you

A different kind of poetry

The kind that speaks in touch and sounds more than words…

Thank you, that’s all I have for now” you say, shyly. A chorus of claps are a soundtrack as you walk off the stage.

You feel Elliot’s gaze following you. You look over at him. He offers you a small but distinct smile and nods his head towards toward the door- a silent invitation. He heads outside and you follow him.

Once outside, he pulls out and lights a joint, taking a long drag and offers it to you. You partake and pass it back.

‘That was a beautiful poem,’ he offers, ‘I just have one question for you’

You thank him for the compliment and look expectantly for the question.

‘You really think I’m that special?’

You’re shocked— he knows it’s about him.

He quietly laughs, not unkindly, seeing your expression. ‘I’ve been feeling that tension between us too. I just didn’t know how to approach you. It’s weird, it’s like we don’t know each other but we do, like, we really know each other.’ You nod in agreement. ‘So it is about me, yea?’ Again, you nod. ‘Sooo.’

“Oh, yes” you remember his question. “I do think you’re special. You’re not like any guy our age that I’ve ever met. I don’t know. I think you’ve gone through some shit, maybe that’s it. I just know that when I watch you sing and play, I feel like I’m staring at the sun. It makes me feel warm and-‘

He was kissing you. You didn’t see the way his eyes welled up. The way he felt seen in a way like never before. How his heart lurched forward and kissing you felt almost involuntary, like it was almost inevitable. He broke free.

‘I’m sorry, is this, is this okay?’ He asked, breathless.

“Yes,” you whispered, “it’s more than okay.” You lean back in and kiss him gently at first and then more firmly as his hands explore your body.

Next thing you know, you’re in the backseat of his car.

…

His mouth is warm and wet on your neck, his hand curving around your now bared breasts, then past your navel, now sliding into your pants. You gasp as his finger slips into your own warmth and wetness, stroking your clitoris with the pad of his thumb as one finger enters you, then another. Electricity crackles within as your chest rises, thighs tightening around his hand. He softly laughs right as his mouth finds one of your erect nipples. You grind your hips into his fingers, adjusting until you find the spot that feels like you’re going the find that little death.

He gently nips at your nipple, licking and sucking as his free hand finds your other other breast, pinching the nipple. Goosebumps appear on your arms as the added stimulation brings you closer to the edge.

Your hands find and undo the button of his jeans. You enter one into his boxers, finding his hard cock. You firmly grasp around it— a low and pleasurable moan escapes from his throat.

“I want to get on top” you say. He nods, removing his hand from your pants and leaning back.

‘Hold on’ he says as he pulls a condom out of his back pocket. You help him put it on.

It’s awkward, but you find a way to straddle him after taking off your pants. You slowly slide his penis inside of you, smiling

“You feel soooo fucking good inside of me, Elliot”

‘Ride that cock, Y/N. It’s all yours, baby girl’

That sets you off. You take full control, tilting your hips and grinding into him, hitting exactly all the right spots, going slowly at first, but faster and faster as the pleasure and pressure builds. His brow furrows as he pants and looks into your eyes, hands holding your breasts, playing with your nipples.

All that tension between you two, you feel it coming to a head, rising to a point that will inevitably erupt.

‘That feels so fucking good, Y/N. This dick is all yours. I’m all yours, nobody’s else’s.’

“Oh god, oh my god” you scream as you explode in ecstasy “I’m cumming all over you, Elliot, oh my god, I’m cumming so fucking hard.’

Elliot feels you shaking and puts his hands around your hips

‘That’s right, baby, I want you to come all over me, Y/N. I fucking love it. It’s gonna make me cum.’ He stares into your eyes and for a moment, the world freezes. A supernova explodes and it’s like light comes pouring out of him. You finally see it, all of him, galaxies upon galaxies of light and beauty and wisdom.

‘I’m cumming, Y/N. I’m cumming so fucking hard for you.’

You collapse into his body, both of you shaking, chests heaving, both of your hearts full with growing adoration.

“You’re so beautiful, Elliot. I think I now how to end my poem now.”

‘I can’t wait to hear it’ he manages between panted breaths. He’s stroking your hair and everything is peaceful in this new world, in this private space that you two have created, a place you hope to never leave.

#elliot euphoria #elliot x y/n #Elliot #euphoria #fan fiction #elliot smut #reader insert #smut fic #poetry

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otvlanga · 3 years

Note

Hc: Miraak has a huge crush on the LDB but doesn’t know how to convey his feelings and is just super awkward with romance in general

okay LOOOONG post time because I love last the dragonborn/first dragonborn shit OKAY. Very long post because god dammit, I ramble too much. This might sound like a toddler wrote it.

Miraak literally hasn’t seen another human being in 4,000 years, he probably loses his shit when the feeling of just being attracted to someone punches him in the face.

He’s just chilling on a giant book in Apocrypha, dipping his toes in the ink water or something and planing how exactly he’s going to kill the Dragonborn to the very detail. Then they actually arrive in Apocrypha, and the very fibers of their souls are screaming out to each-other like “same hat!”, and it feels like every inch of himself is burning on the inside, while the outside remains blandly mild in the stale humid air of Apocrypha.

But he’s a strong minded man, so he swallows it down and continues on with his edgy monologue. He tells the Dragonborn he must kill them, but he can hardly bare hearing the words come from his own mouth as they’re paralyzed on the ground right in front of him. He can practically taste the power radiating off them, layers and layers of dragon souls woven together and wrapped around their own soul, the very soul he knew the in’s and out’s of despite not knowing a thing about the person that it belonged to.

And THEN the poor man’s brain is like “oh no they’re hot” and he's dealing with emotions and thoughts that he hasn’t had since before the first era. He can’t even remember the faces of anyone he used to know, or whether or not he liked looking at them. All he knows is that he’s seeing a face that looks so foreign but feels so familiar, and he does like looking at it, and he doesn’t know why he does. All he knows is that the dragon soul inside of him is thrashing within it’s flesh prison, desperate to be as close as possible to it’s only match.

Dragons by nature, are not empathetic or familial creatures. They can be, as such is the case with Paarthurnax, but it is not an instinct they have embedded in them like mortals do. Miraak is a human, cursed to the same raw feelings as any other would be. Dragon souls vibrate with each other on a level that human souls do not. A dragon can always feel another dragon.

That sense of automatic familiarity paired with the inherent human desire for love and belonging? Paired together they do not bode well for a man trying to kill the only other living being in the universe who understands him. The only one. Every dov is a piece of Akatosh, all siblings in a special way, but no dragon will ever think, feel, and care the same way humans do. He could never find solace in the company of a dragon.

Now that their souls have had a glimpse of each other, every moment he spends thinking of killing them sends the dragon inside of him wreathing in agony and distress, something dovah are not accustomed to feeling. Before he realizes it, he’s going out of his way to appear in spectral form in front of them to absorb the souls of their kills. He finds himself speaking to them, lingering for a few moments longer than necessary, invigorated just by the feeling of being near them in an intangible spectral form.

He tries to convince himself that all these odd things he’s feeling are just his inner dovah aching for the power of absorbing their soul. He tells himself that after he kills them, it will all go away, and he’ll be able to finally tear free from Apocrypha. (hes dumb forgive him its been a while)

He has no need to show off, all he needs is to get the job done and over with as quickly as possible. And yet, he casts Dragon Aspect on himself without even realizing it, dancing around them in combat and stalling, using the Thu’um when he doesn’t even need to. He doesn’t realize that his actions mimic a dragon’s, bringing as much focus on themselves when they want to appear boastful and magnificent, rare moments of civility and friendly indulgence where they bask in each other’s vanity and challenge each other in friendly competition.

The dragon companions he keeps with him in Apocrypha are very confused as to why he’s technically doing the dragon equivalent of flirting when he’s supposed to be killing them and reaping their power. Humans are so weird amirite?

If the Dragonborn spares him and finds a way to free him from Apocrypha and team up with him, he would not be able to properly address or recognize his feelings for a long time. It’s not until he’s grown accustomed to seeing couples hold each other close in the cold and whisper sweet things to each other, or heard a few sappy love songs/poems from bards that it starts to dawn on him. And when it does, he’s distressed because he remembers next to nothing about what it means to care for someone. Even in his time as a Dragon Priest under Alduin’s rule, he didn’t get to indulge in petty things like love and affection. His role was a full time commitment. Of course he had seen people courting each other outside of just having children, but he had never experienced that himself.

He’d show his affections in very strange ways, because he isn’t quite sure how to say it, and he’s still in partial denial of it all. It would be borderline annoying and obsessive things, like insisting on healing all of the LDB’s wounds even when they’re perfectly capable of doing it themselves, or needlessly jumping in front of them during battles with dragons because he gets over-protective without realizing it. It gets to the point where the LDB has to pull him aside like ”bro what the fuck is your problem it’s getting exhausting” and then cue the cheesy awkward and dramatic fanfiction love admission trope.

also do u like, know how INSANE it would be to the rest of Tamriel if TWO Dragonborns of legend teamed up, let alone got married or something? They would probably be two of the most important and powerful people alive. Especially with all the forbidden knowledge Miraak had obtained over the few millennia he spent in Apocrypha. Like, I’m serious. If they defeated Alduin together and saved the world? They would probably be worshiped. They would almost be Talos level of worshiped, eventually.

also just like imagine if they took power over the Empire. Like, a Dragonborn emperor and Dragonborn (whatever your ldb idenitifes as, empress/emperor/sovereign/etc) and maybe secured a new ‘Dragonborn’ bloodline/heired family. And the LDB would have Odahviing and Parrturnax on their side. Just imagine the power they’d have.

I’ve been meaning to write a fic about that for a long time actually. I’ll get to it soon I swear.

#miraak #skyrim #dragonborn #long ass post #headcanons #tes #the elder scrolls #tesv #ldb #dovahkiin #alduin #paarthurnax #apocrypha #hermaeus mora

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nerdy-simp-7120 · 3 years

Note

hi! if you're comfortable writing this, could i ask for a scenario? this has been in the back of my head for a while.

what would be the reaction of the brothers + dateables of watching mc play resident evil in the dimitrescu castle? who would be down bad the most

thank you! feel free to ignore this if you don't want to write this ofc

I love this ask (stan tall vampire lady). The only thing is that I accidentally turned it into a “how they feel about the game.” I managed to add in some parts with MC playing as well to make up for it

Update: I literally finished the request yesterday but my wifi went down and I lost everything 😩 😩

I also wrote this in the middle of the night so sorry if there are any errors! Enjoy!

Warnings: cursing.

How the OM! characters would react to you playing Resident Evil (Dimitrescu Castle edition)

Lucifer

Will not care at first

"I hold no interest in such trivial simulations."

His weakness? Being a simp for you.

He decides to look into the game a bit more in private later on.

Will lowkey practice the game

If you ever catch him playing it, do not say anything because he will stop immediately, deny everything, and might not ever do it again

With time, however, Lucifer will come to master the game.

Here comes the showing off.

When you're rambling about the game with Levi, Lucifer will join the conversation and you two will be like "wow, boomer knows something for once--"

Or when you're struggling on a part of the game he will be like, "hand it over"

Before expertly getting through that part.

Can defeat Lady Dimitrescu if you ask him to but be careful cause he might make you beg

sadistic bastard

or you can be a badass and show him your skills

Will be a tad shocked at how easily you handled it but won't let it show (okay Elsa)

Also proud though

Lucifer's internal monologue: “That’s right- show them how it’s done, Y/n.”

Mammon

Scared.

Will watch you play and cover his eyes during every battle

"wHAT IS THAT?!" at everything you come across

I hope you're good at playing one-handed because you'll have to use the other hand to hold his throughout the entire thing

Admires you're bravery but would never admit it

"You were horrible! ...N-nice job beating the game, not that I c-care or anything. You sucked anyways!"

Not even 10 seconds later...

"Can I watch you play again?"

Comes to find that the faces you make are adorable: when you're concentrating on a battle, when you win, find a valuable item, etc

He loves being able to see how you're feeling up close.

If you catch him staring when you take a break or something he'll blush and either ask you if you have a staring problem or that you have something on your face

He may or may not buy cheap merch (a tiny key chain of Lady Dimitrescu or your favorite character) for you, all the while spewing lame excuses

Please bear with him- he's trying.

Leviathan

"YOU ALSO LIKE RESIDENT DEVIL?!?? Ah! I-I mean..."

Congrats, you just found yourself someone to discuss the game with

Is open to cosplay the characters with you

You two will have competitions to see who can beat the game faster.

You both also share theories with each other all the time

Or simply discuss the characters together

He purposefully stays quiet to hear you ramble on and on- dude finds it adorable

You two also sometimes argue debate over a character name or event in the game

Because while you have Resident Evil

He only knows Resident Devil

This is the equivalent of Devilgram and Instagram

I mean

They’re the same,

But a couple things were altered, y’know, to prevent copyright

So yes, there are definitely a few quarrels here and there

But all in all, it’s a fun gamer bud experience

Don’t tell him I told you but he thinks it’s hot when you show off your badass skills in a boss fight

Satan

He plays it on the lowkey.

Not because he’s embarrassed

But because he partially takes his anger out on the characters

During gory scenes, he imagines it’s him torturing Lucifer, fueling his determination to win

A calculated person, Satan is a smart player

But there are times when he’s particularly angry and he becomes a reckless one, jumping into fights impetuously

This is where you come in and beat the enemy for him

He may get angrier, thinking you are underestimating him

But, for the sake of the person he loves, he calms down knowing you didn’t mean to offend him

A small part in the back of his head also admires you for being able to handle the fight a ton better than he did

Congratulations, you just earned yourself the great Satan’s respect (resident evil-wise).

Asmodeus

“Oh my, I never knew you were into such gory games! Does this mean you’re into blood play, because I know many things about--”

He may look carefree on the outside

But on the inside?

Let’s take a look, shall we?

Holy shit

What the fu--

Jesus christ, can you pull a move like that in real life?

He needs to be careful to not piss you off.

If you can handle this, who knows what you could be capable of?

Hold on.

Wait, you look so concentrated

Eeep! How cute!

Anyways, it ends with him snapping a bunch of pictures

Keeps them for himself and may brag to his brothers about how he got some “special” shots of you

Obviously never elaborates on what the special part means to keep his dear siblings on edge because, what the hell, they want to know what these special shots are

Would not play the game because there’s “tOo MuCh BlOoDsHeD”

We all know he’s most likely seen his fair share of bloodshed

“What if the adrenaline gives me acne?”

He’s probably just bad at the game--

Verdict: Asmo is a simp and not afraid to flaunt it.

Beel

...Are you okay?

Do you think about homicide--?

Oh, that lady looks nice.

Huh, she’s 9′6″??

What’s her name? Lady Dimitrescu?

Okay-- WAIT WHY IS SHE TURNING INTO THAT??

Not scared, just a tad bit concerned

Poor Beel, concerned for Lady D :’)

Also, seeing the death’s of Bela, Daniela, and Cassandra hit different

Because he know what it’s like to lose a sibling.

Safe to say he understands Alcina’s pain when she raged about her children being dead.

Also concerned about how the gore could affect you

Because isn’t stuff like this supposed to traumatize humans?

Would support you regardless though

And thinks that you’re really brave for playing the game and still being able to stand strong

On another note, Beel decided to make small flower graves for the three sisters and Alcina because he’s adorable and kind like that

Belphegor

Likes the game but is too lazy to play himself

Regularly watches Satan play (or at least as much as he can before deciding it’s nap time)

I hope you enjoy Belphie using you as a body pillow and watching you play from now on

Makes small comments here and there to help you out

“To your left... Oh, and open the window- yeah, that one.”

Will smirk, impressed, when you deal with the fights and win yourself without his comments.

“That’s my Y/n”

(Sorry I don’t know what else to put for him :’))

Diavolo

“Is this a human trend?” meme

Will watch excitedly and “oooo” whenever you do something cool

Be careful though, because the questions will not stop as you play

“What’s that? I see. What’s it for? How do you win the game? Who’s that character? Why can’t you do this? What about--?”

Diavolo, you’re awesome and all, but please

shush

On the inside, is also one that might be a tad concerned about your mental health because doesn’t that gore traumatize humans?

Wait, you do this for entertainment?

...

Another warning: he will shower you in merchandise from the game

I am not above the fact that this man has a game room

And he will try to master the game

Casually pushes all his paperwork over to Lucifer so he can play Resident Evil

RIP Luci

Unfortunately, Diavolo will have trouble grasping the game and how it works

You will have to explain many things to him

Good luck- he’s a bit of a boomer (but willing to learn) and may or may not get distracted staring at you

But anyways, he enjoys engaging in the competitions you and Levi have

Whether it be playing as well or simply watching

He just loves to see you happy

Barbatos

Oh my, what’s this?

Will watch you play

and constantly criticize how filthy the Dimitrescu castle is

“Do they have any idea how many rats this can attract?”

Barbatos, your weakness is showing.

Seeing you so happy while playing the game helps him relax from his daily troubles tasks

He rewards you with a pat on the head any time you beat a foe

When Diavolo goes over to the HoL or when you come over to play in he silently cheers you on in the background.

Solomon

Yuh

Is educated on the game and knows his shit as the only other human

Maybe knows a bit too much of the game

You will later come to find out that, somewhere in his mass tangle of shady connections, he knows a developer

Might give you tips and tricks to get on higher levels

But never, and I mean never, challenge him like you would with Levi to see who can beat the game faster

Because he will beat you by a seconds on purpose, just to piss you of

all the while doing that dark, shady chuckle

Asshole

But anyways, if you manage to finesse and beat him, he will be

So confused

“I thought I did it all right, what went wrong...?” he thinks to himself.

On the outside, however, he’s smiling

Will hand over some praise to his little apprentice, but if you look carefully you will see a spark of annoyance

We get it Solomon, you’re a sore loser.

In the end, he will still leave somewhat impressed at your skillz

Simeon

w h a t

Is a little scared

“Is this one of them video games you kids play nowadays...? Just kidding. What are you playing-- oh my”

Might try to figure out how to play

But alas,

Simeon is yet another boomer

So he will have quite some trouble even figuring out how to move

And why does he hold the controller like that what

If you’ve seen that one picture of him holding his phone sideways you know what I mean

On another note, if you look through his poem book, then you may or may not find a few poems describing how amazing and badass you looked hustling the entire game

Luke

about to bomb this master hill

No literally is considering bombing the computer or whatever you’re playing on because wHAT IS THAT

He is just

Scared

This will give him nightmares for weeks

Apparently Alcina reminds him of Lucifer so he kinda

Hates her

Says he will protect you

--as he runs out of the room in fear

Irrelevant but the one he hates the most is fetus baby

Michael have mercy on this poor boy--

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the7thcrow · 3 years

Text

indulgence | part one

pairing: felix x (fem) vampire!reader series

summary: an indulgence grows to become dangerous, as the society of hampden college takes note of y/n’s new blood bag.

series masterlist.

word count: 4.9k

genre: forbidden love, angst (sorta), fluff, suggestive.

warnings: blood, suggestive content (kissing and a shirt comes off, nothing too crazy lmao), hook-ups (but nothing is explicitly described), strong language, and vampires ofc.

rating: 16+

a/n: hi everyone! this is my first fic, so i’m sorry if it’s a little messy. this is part one of what will be a series. i’d love to hear some feedback, so don’t be afraid to shoot me an ask or message! i hope you enjoy!

...

You are late. The pattering of rain echos from atop your umbrella, the puddles of pooling water soaking your loafers as you hurry along the busy street. However, you pay no mind as the liquid seeps into your shoes, mud embedding itself along your pant leg. On a normal day, you’d scowl. You’d curse the shitty weather, and grumble as you marched home to change into a dry pair of shoes. Only today is different. Today it doesn’t matter, not when you have far greater troubles warranting your concern.

The Council isn’t pleased. They’d be even more upset, if that were even possible, if you arrived tardy. You can imagine their old, petulant faces, looking down on you with disgust. Perhaps even pity, seeing you as nothing more than a childish young girl, who’d been foolish enough to break her vow. You frown to yourself, that’s all they would ever see you as. It didn’t matter how the years passed by, to them you were, and would always be simply that. A child. Always younger, always naive. Most of all, always beneath them.

The headquarters becomes visible in the distance, clouded in the slight haze of fog. It appears to be like any other building on the Hampden Campus. Old and rustic, elegant in the way it was shaped and carved, a relic of history reflected in a modern day era. Only this building holds a far different tale than those surrounding it.

Far more bloody. Far more gruesome. A home to monsters.

Monsters like yourself.

You knock on the door. Twice, slowly. Then a pause, before three times quickly. A code, letting anyone inside know that you are, in fact, a member of The Society.

The door opens with a creak, a young boy with electric blue hair peeking out through the crack. After recognizing your face, he smiles, ushering you in quickly as the door slams shut behind you.

“Y/N! It’s good to see you. It’s been a while, huh?” The boy says, casually leaning against the door. It has been a while, you never came to this god awful building unless it was absolutely necessary.

“I guess it has been. But it’s nice to see you too, Jeongin,” you speak warmly in return. You’ve known Jeongin for a couple years now, since he first arrived at The Society doorstep. Alone and confused. A freshling, having just been turned. While perhaps not physically, he’s certainly grown since then, in both confidence and courage.

Suddenly, the smile drops from his face, his expression becoming sullen. “I hear you’ve gotten yourself into some trouble,” he states. When you don’t respond, he continues. “It’s not true, is it? I know you wouldn’t-”

“Listen, Jeongin,” you cut him off quickly. You aren’t in the mood to be lectured, especially not by someone whose opinion you actually care about. “I’m already running late. I’ll catch up with you after, okay?”

“Wait, Y/N!” He calls after you, but you’ve already disappeared down the hall, heading towards the council room. You quickly cast a glance at your watch. Shit, five minutes late. They wouldn’t forget that.

With only a quick breath to gather yourself, you burst in through the large wooden doors. The silence in the council room is deafening, as all heads turn to face you. In all your life, you’ve never seen so many dissatisfied faces.

“Ms. L/N,” the head councilman calls. He has an old face, embedded with wrinkles and a scalp of thinning white hair. Unlucky. He could have been beautiful, or at the very least, young. However, he must’ve been turned late. A pity, to stare at such a reflection for eternity.

You stifle a laugh. The frown he always appeared to be wearing probably wasn’t helping.

“Take a seat,” he states, motioning to the chair seated in the center of the room. How dramatic you think, to put you in the middle of so many staring eyes. While the council was only composed of three individuals, the room seems to be full of other lower ranked members of The Society.

As you take your seat, your gaze wanders the room, landing on a familiar head of shaggy brown hair. His eyes bore into your own, his expression serious. Perhaps even angry, the longer he stares at you.

You want to say something. Mostly, to ask him what the fuck he’s doing here. This isn’t any of Chan’s business, yet for whatever reason he has the audacity to stare at you as if it is. As if you will grant him answers. As if he deserves answers.

“Ms. L/N,” the chairman interrupts your thoughts. “Do you know why you’re seated here today?”

Why are you seated here today? Well, that answer is complicated. How could you have possibly gotten yourself into such a mess? How could you have been so foolish? You knew the rules. You knew what was permitted and what was not. Yet, you chose to ignore these conditions.

Why? What could possibly have made you toss everything you’d promised to the side?

Well, that story starts with a head of bright blonde hair, and a set of curious eyes.

~~~~

The library of Hampden College had become something of a second home to you. Late nights spent bent over a book, transcribing various philosophies and literature into latin. Sometimes greek, however you didn’t have quite the same knack for it. That’s where you found yourself tonight, your beaten down copy of The Iliad staring back at you from its place on the table.

Your classics degree was coming along just fine. You didn’t mind the endless books to read and poems to analyze. Nor the papers you often found yourself crafting from this very spot in the corner of the library. It was always quiet, always solitary at this time. Even the night owl students having gathered their books, departing the library for a brief rest before their early classes the following morning.

Tonight however, was different. You heard the door creak open, glancing up as a boy appeared in the doorway. He had long blonde hair, fluffing at the nape of his neck. Sporting a sharp blazer and a pair of oxfords, you couldn’t deny he was well dressed. Perhaps that’s why he grabbed your attention immediately, you were attracted to effort. To someone who was put together, who cared.

The boy took a seat just a few tables away from your own, gently setting his books down and disappearing into the maze of shelves to your left. You attempted to go back to your work, but couldn’t seem to find your focus. Who was this boy? You’d never seen him before in all your time at Hampden. Also, why would he possibly be at the library so late? You recognized the faces of those who while rare, might possibly be here at this time of night. He wasn’t one of them.

You would remember if he was.

You strained your neck trying to find his figure, having lost him almost immediately.

“A fan of Homer?” A voice rang out from beside your ear. You jumped in shock, greeted by a sweet smile and wide eyes. The boy chuckled. “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

You smiled sweetly, trying to calm your beating heart. “No worries. And well, you translate the entirety of Book Eight overnight into Greek, and tell me if you could still consider yourself a ‘fan of Homer.’”

The boy laughed before beginning to pull a chair out beside you. “May I?” He asked.

Looking back, you should have said no. You had a lot more work to do, and near no time to do it. Not to mention of course, rejecting him initially could have saved you from this whole mess. Instead you nodded, a grin forming at the corners of your lips as he sat down.

“What’s your name?” He asked. His voice was sweet, sultry. Alarming in just how deep it was, not quite fitting his bright and youthful exterior.

“Y/N, classics department. Yourself?”

“Felix,” he answered. There it was, the first time you heard the name that would cause your undoing. “I’m majoring in history. Listen,” he began, leaning in slightly closer as if he were going to tell you a secret, his voice lowering further. “I must say, I’m in here all the time, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before.”

You hummed, leaning in closer to him as well. His eyes glinted. “Well that’s simple, I’m assuming you don’t frequent the library at-” you glanced at your watch- “2:32 in the morning.”

Felix’s eyebrows furrowed with something like concern. “You’re here every night at this time? Why?”

“Hey,” you began, not wanting to lose the playful nature to the conversation. You’d heard enough concerned voices to last a lifetime already. “Aren’t you here this late yourself? You’re in no place to judge.”

He laughed, and you knew you could get used to that sound. “Fair enough, I’ll leave it be.”

“Why are you here this late, anyway?” You asked.

“Oh, so you get to know my secrets, but I can’t know yours?”

“Of course.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, resting his head on the desk, cradled by his crossed arms. “If you must know, I couldn’t sleep. Figured I’d read some of your classics, thought they might help me doze off.”

You shoved his arm, to which he feigned a groan of pain, clutching his shoulder. “Excuse you,” you laughed. “I have a lot of Homer to struggle through, and no time for your cheap shots. You can go ahead and leave now.”

You were surprised when he got to his feet, worried for a moment he’d taken you seriously and was actually about to make his exit. Instead, he disappeared into the philosophy section, emerging with a copy of The Odyssey. Felix flopped down back in his chair beside you, extending his feet on top of the table and leaning backwards.

“Well, then I guess I’ll suffer along with you,” he said. Without another word, he flipped towards the first page.

Felix was a good person to study with. Well, technically you weren’t studying with him, but nonetheless it was nice to have him in the room. He didn’t bother you, didn’t speak, just let you do your work. Sometimes you’d look up and meet his gaze, his eyes imploring you. Curious. Mischievous.

Dangerous.

“Alright,” you yawned after an hour or so had passed by, stretching your arms high in the air. “I’m done.”

He smiled, slowly closing his book and setting it down on the table. “Yeah? Finally going to go home and sleep?”

“Sleep? What’s that?” You said, playfully scoffing. “Nah, it’s already past 3:30, it’ll be 4 by the time I get back to my apartment. Not worth it at this point.”

“Hmm,” Felix hummed, a flicker of mischief in his growing smile. “What ever will you do to pass the time?”

“I don’t know,” you returned, excitement building in your chest. “But I suppose I’ll leave you now. You still have about 3 quarters of The Odyssey to get through, and I don’t want to tear you away from-”

You shouldn’t have been surprised when his lips crashed into yours, but you were. You let out a small “mff” against the sudden impact. It took your brain a second to catch up to speed on what was happening. Here you were, with this incredibly beautiful boy of whom you literally just met, kissing in the middle of the library.

Your second thought was about how you’d never done this before. Not kissing someone, hell you’d done a lot more than just that. But never a stranger, and certainly never a human, for that matter. You had to be careful with who you got close to, you never knew who could be dangerous, who could be a hunter. Besides, The Society had rules, and this alone was undoubtedly breaking a few of them.

So what the hell were you doing?

You should stop this, you thought. But the more you settled into a rhythm, the more your worries trailed from your mind. Felix was a good kisser. A really good kisser. His lips were soft, warm, his breath sharp with the taste of mint. When the dork had a chance to pop a tic tac you didn’t know, but it made you smile against him.

You ran your fingers through his hair, leaning into him. He groaned in response, moving his hands down your figure, settling in on your waist. Carefully he began to fiddle with the buttons at the bottom of your blouse, and with that it all suddenly became real.

“We can’t do this,” you breathed, finally breaking away from him.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I went too far, I-” he began to apologize, frantically removing his hands from your body and shifting backwards into his chair.

“No,” you replied, a smile tugging at the corner of your lips at his sweetness. You grabbed the collar of his shirt, gently tugging him closer to you. “We can’t do this here.”

The Society had rules, plenty. Human’s, in any sort of relationship, were out of the question. Public displays of affection with even your own kind, especially of the more vulgar sort, were off limits as well. The idea was to not bring attention to yourselves, to not cause a scene. And if you were going to break one of these rules so terribly, you figured you could at least pay the respect to do so privately.

“Okay,” he mumbled, placing his forehead against your own. “Where should we go?”

“My place? It’s a little far from here, but I don’t have any roommates. So..”

Felix smiled, planting a soft, lingering kiss at the nape of your neck. “Lead the way.”

~~~~

The walk over to your apartment wasn’t awkward per say, it was simply...charged. Felix had his arm looped around your own, making your way silently down the dark, lantern lit path through campus. You could feel your heart beating rapidly in your chest, a desire thrumming down inside you, resurfacing. It had been a long time since you’d last been with someone. That last person being Chan, your ex as of eight months ago.

Things had been good with Chan. Great even, in the beginning at least. He was intense, thoughtful. He loved you deeply. Most of all, Chan understood. Like you, he was a member of The Society. He was under every restriction you were, and felt all the same frustrations.

Of course, not all good things can last. Eventually your relationship began to sour. Your arguments became full on brawls. Your differences and quirks became unbearable. You couldn’t be in the same room without being at one another's throats. You were the one who finally decided to end things.

Chan was the only man you’d ever loved, and since him you’d never entertained the thought of being with another. Until now, that is. You glanced towards Felix, who was staring ahead down the street, his eyes dark. You could feel his own desire radiating off of him, visible in the way he slowly swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing. Besides, Felix could give you something more. Something Chan could never.

No. You stopped yourself. That wouldn’t be happening tonight. It would only make things more complicated, more dangerous. Still, you could feel it deep inside you, pounding for control. That familiar, incessant hunger. The more you tried to ignore it, the more it was there. Becoming stronger as your ears focused in on Felix’s heart beat, the sound of blood pumping through his veins.

You were pulled from your thoughts as the sight of your apartment complex appeared in front of you. Quietly you entered, making your way up the stairs and towards your own door. Releasing your arm from Felix’s, you fumbled for your keys in your purse. Giving him a small smile, you twisted your key in the lock, and allowed him inside.

The moment you closed your apartment door, all bets were off. Felix tossed his books onto your kitchen table, clashing into you with a speed that almost made you lose your own breath. You felt your back press against the wall behind you, Felix’s lips devouring your own. Desperate and wanting.

He quickly revisited the buttons of your blouse, this time starting at the top and beginning to make his way down. All the meanwhile his lips traced your neck, gently brushing against your skin. With every new kiss fueling your own desire, you slowly began to rock your hips into his own. This was escalating. Fast. As he finished with the last button, he allowed your blouse to drop from your shoulders, smiling to himself as he took you in.

“Your turn,” you breathed, tugging at the collar of his shirt as a signal to take it off. He did so, absent-mindedly tossing it aside into your living room. He took your chin in his hand, forcing you to look up at him, staring deeply into your eyes. Then he proceeded to say the very last thing you ever expected him to:

“Look at your eyes… You haven’t fed in weeks, have you?”

You slapped his hand away and shoved him off of you, rushing to the otherside of the room, putting the coffee table between yourselves. “How-How do you?” You stammered, physically unable to form a complete sentence. How could he possibly know what you were? How did he even know you existed?

Felix’s eyes widened, clearly shocked by your reaction. “No, no. Don’t worry!” He said frantically, outstretching his hand to you. “Listen, I’m not going to hurt you or anything. I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry! I’m sorry.”

You stared at him, disbelievingly. “Yeah? And how do I know that?” You let this man into your home, your safe space. How could you have been so stupid?

“Look, I grew up around Vampires okay? My neighbors, back in my childhood home, they were like you. I know the signs. I know how your eyes blow out when you’re hungry, the way they glaze over when you haven’t fed in a while. That’s it. I didn’t even realize until I got a good look at you, back when you were translating. It’s no big deal, really.”

You scoffed. No big deal? Felix didn’t seem to realize just how big of a deal it actually was. Humans weren’t supposed to know what you were, certainly not at Hampden. The Society had made well sure of that. God, if The Council saw you now...

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I should have told you back at the library. I honestly didn’t think it would freak you out this much. That’s on me,” he said, inching slightly closer to you. Despite yourself, you didn’t move away. “I’m serious though, it’s been a while since you last fed. Hasn’t it?”

A while was an understatement. The Society had been going through a shortage of blood bags, after having severed their connections with one of the nearby hospitals. Meaning if you wanted to drink, it would have to be from one of their Certified Donors. Which was another, fancier and far more innocent way of saying prisoners. These were humans who had given their lives to The Society, some willingly and others not so much.

You didn’t like going to their quarters. Located in the basement of the main district, it was always quiet down there. Always solemn. You’d never been to a place lacking so much hope. You’d only gone once, and drinking from that man still haunts you to this day. The way he didn’t move or speak, or even wince when your fangs broke his skin. The way his eyes were hollow and empty. How when you were done he simply laid down in his bed and turned away from you, without another word.

The Certified Donors were what made you begin to hate The Society in the first place. Since then, your resentment only seemed to grow.

You sighed, walking past him and flopping onto your couch. “Yeah, it’s been a while,” you confessed.

Felix carefully approached you. Instead of seating himself next to you, he got down on his knees, resting a hand on your thigh. “It’s okay, you can use me. I don’t mind.”

You were ready to tell him no, the word lingering on the tip of your tongue. However, you couldn’t bring yourself to deny him. Perhaps it was your hunger, the fact that a few more weeks in this drought, you might actually become ill.

Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that you wanted to disobey the society. That this little act of rebellion, this utterly wrong indulgence, was what made your desire grow unbearable, unchained. You hated The Council, you hated the Certified Donor system, and you hated the way they had such a firm grip and control on your life.

A beautiful boy was seated in front of you, begging you to drink from him. How could you possibly say no? Better yet, why would you say no? To deprive yourself of something so great, for something you despised so deeply seemed ridiculous. That was the moment your judgment lapsed, that you crossed the point of no return. If you drank from Felix, there would be no going back. If the council found out, there would be consequences. Big ones.

But who doesn’t love a little risk?

You sunk down to meet him on the floor, staring at his bare chest. You could hear his heart pumping, its pace quickening the closer you got to him.

“Are you sure about this?” You asked.

“Yes,” he whispered. You shifted your position. Not quite seating yourself in his lap, but hovering above, your knees on either side of him.

“This might hurt a little bit,” you warned. You extended your fangs, approaching his neck, carefully. You didn’t realize until then how nervous you were. It had been a long time since you’d fed from a human. You’d drank from Chan of course, but he was also a vampire, and your blood didn’t have quite the same effect. There was pleasure in it, usually accompanied in moments of ecstasy, but it didn’t replenish you. It didn’t heighten your senses, nor fill you with energy. Most of all, it didn’t satisfy your hunger, your thirst. Not at all.

Felix’s blood would.

You kept this in mind as you finally plunged your fangs into his neck. Felix let out a gasp, tensing beneath you, his hand clutching onto your arm for support. The taste of his blood grazed your tongue, metallic and warm. Delicious.

Fuck, did blood ever taste this good before? You didn’t think so.

The sweet taste consumed you. Intoxicating. Raw. Cascading over your mind in a blanket of pleasure, reveling in the way its effects seeped over your body. You could feel your mind growing sharper, your senses becoming more alert. It was a relief, after weeks of blurry weakness, of being too close to humanity in your thirst. You felt yourself again, the monster you are. The monster you are glad to be.

Here you were powerful. Invincible. And all you wanted was more. More. More.

More of this power, this sensation, this strength. This is what feeding should be. What feeding can give you. Not from a blood bag, nor a helpless prisoner, but from someone you want. Someone you desire. Someone who desires you in return.

It was as you felt Felix’s grip on your arm loosen that you finally broke away, breathing hard as you caught your breath. Felix’s eyes shifted to yours lazily, dazed. Perhaps even delirious. For a moment you feared that you’d taken too much. He blinked slowly, his eyes regaining focus.

Then he smiled. “Shit Y/N…” he began, his voice appearing more of a croak. “That felt really fucking good.”

You grinned, leaning into him and pressing a series of kisses up along his jaw. Felix shivered, allowing his hands to slowly slide up your figure. Wanting.

“Yeah?” You whispered, your lips brushing against his ear. “Then how about we continue where we left off?”

~~~~

The next morning you woke to the sound of your alarm buzzing, sunlight peeking through the opening of your drapes. You heard a low groan next to your ear, quickly becoming aware of the hand wrapped around your waist.

So last night really happened. The reality of your situation dawned on you. You’d both drank from and fucked a human. There was no going back now, you’d completely disobeyed The Society.

Worst of all? You didn’t care. At least, not near as much as you should have.

You shifted to face Felix, seeing his eyes still closed, eyebrows furrowed. “Hey,” you whispered, planting a soft kiss on the tip of his nose. “We have to get up. I have class.”

He groaned again in protest, shaking his head and burying his face into the crook of your neck. Between last night's events and the ringing of your alarm, you both only got about two hours of sleep, and that was being generous. This was no problem for you, as while sleep was a luxury, it was not a necessity. The same didn’t go for Felix.

“Come on,” you laughed, worming out of his grasp. “You’ll be fine, I’ll go make us some coffee.”

You rolled out of bed, throwing on Felix’s discarded shirt and heading towards your kitchen. Flicking on the radio, you felt oddly blissful as you grounded the coffee beans into a filter. It had been a long time since there’d been another person in your apartment. It made the space seem less… haunted. No longer lingering with the essence of Chan’s ghost. It felt fresh. New.

Felix emerged from your bedroom, rubbing his eyes sleepily, sporting only his khaki’s from the past day. His gaze met yours and he smiled. “So, I take it my shirt is yours now?”

“Mhm,” you hummed, leaning forward over your kitchen counter. Felix bent down, causing you to become nose-level with one another. The close proximity made your heart race.

“Mean,” he murmured, leaning forward to kiss you softly. There was no unchained desire, no promise of more. It was simple, warm. A morning of peace after a night of wildness.

You could get used to this, you thought.

The thought sunk in your chest like a stone. This wouldn’t be as simple as you wanted to be, as you needed it to be. There would be sacrifices to make, and cautions you’d have to adhere to. You had to get the truth out in the open. Better to rip the bandaid off now rather than later.

“Felix, you can’t tell anyone about this.” You said. The smile faded from Felix’s face, and for a moment he looked so… hurt. He stepped back.

“About the feeding? Y/N, I wouldn’t tell anyone what you are, don’t worry about-”

“No, not just the feeding. About us. About any of it.”

Felix opened his mouth to say something, but then quickly closed it. His gaze hardened. “Ah. Got it,” he stated sharply, grabbing his blazer and motioning to the door. “I’ll just head out then.”

“Wait, Felix! No, it’s not like that,” you said, rushing around the kitchen island and reaching for his arm. He turned around to face you, his expression wounded. “Listen, I don’t know how it was with your old neighbors, but here at Hampden things are different. There’s certain rules we have to follow, and what you and I did? Well, that broke about a hundred of them.”

Felix was silent for a moment, then sighed. “Okay… But what do you mean rules? Who’s enforcing them? Hampden?”

“No, it’s bigger than that. There’s a group of us here, a society. There are rules we abide by, and they’re meant to keep us safe. Keep us united,” you explained.

“Like a cult?” Felix asked, and you had to refrain from rolling your eyes.

“Well, if that helps you, then whatever. Yeah, sure. A cult.”

“Where do you-”

“I’m sorry,” you cut him off. “But that’s all I can really tell you, at least for now. Honestly, the less you know, the better. Just for safety’s sake.”

“Oh. Alright,” Felix said, his lips pursed. He wasn’t pleased, that much was obvious.

“I know this sucks, I’m sorry. But if we want to keep doing this-”

“Wait,” Felix interrupted, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “You want to keep doing this? I thought you’d get in trouble?”

You smiled, and were pleased to see the corners of his mouth curve up in return. “I’ve already risked getting myself in trouble.” You trailed your finger along the bare of his chest, feeling the warmth radiating from his skin. He was so alive, so real. And it only made you want him more. Perhaps, that’s why he wanted you as well. You were unpredictable, wild. A challenge.

A match made in hell.

“I dug myself a grave, Lix.” You looked up at him, entranced by the curiosity swimming in his eyes. “Might as well lie in it.”

next chapter

244 notes · View notes

space-anon-writes · 2 years

Note

Your “weekly” fic recs give me life, I’ve loved every rec so far

I appreciate the lack of sarcasm in those quotation marks, and the full confidence you have in my delivery of fic recs in a consistent and timely manner. You have won my eternal gratitude and also more fic recs

Ours Poetica by zeeskeit

Tommy's brothers left when he was young, and his father is barely present, but despite that he still managed to find his place. It turns out that place is poetry, and for a moment, Tommy has everything he ever wanted. Then his brothers return home, and things take a turn from there.

I will cry. Also the poetry is so fucking good. Dream and Tommy's slam poem performance? Holy shit holy fuck I got lost in the sauce

Chapter 10/? - 60k words

opus by darkwhitepebble

Mmmm pretty fic. It's kinda got surreal/psychological horror? With stringed instruments? Tommy has been through some shit, enough shit to turn a musical child prodigy into a nobody teen working three different jobs and living through sleepless nights. Luckily, he might still be able to piece himself back together.

Chapter 6/? - 30k words

My boy lost in time by sircantus

Featuring Tommy, who can time travel, and the rest of the SBI, who are immortal. It. It takes awhile for everyone to see what's happening. It's like that spiderman meme except its running into someone who should have died like a dozen centuries ago.

Chapter 1/2 - 6k words

Intergalactic Pest by skratchmarkz

Someone attempted to ship a whole-ass human in the mail across the galaxy. Just stuffed him in a package. It's okay though, the human both got free and is ready and fully willing to bite. It's also safe to say that the alien postmen are not enthused to have a bitey boy now scuttling around in their vents.

Chapter 15/? - 21k words

can you hear me? and as painless and colourful by droppingdroplets

Two exiled Tommy fics that give me brainrot. The first of which deals with his hallucinations, the second tries to give him a happy ending. I just. I just really like how this author wrote exile not gonna lie.

Chapter 1/1 - 6k words - complete (stats are the same for both fics)

people that you must remember by acatalepsy

Tommy really, really doesn't like Ranboo, but he also has to deal with him, since he's sort of living in Ranboo and Tubbo's mansion. However, after Ranboo loses his memory book and spirals, Tommy finds himself reevaluating that opinion. Allium duo my beloved.

Chapter 1/1 - 6k words - complete

Breathe by the_lanky_kat

Tommy can't stand to be touched after his death. However, he'll also do anything for his friends, even if that means helping Ranboo out of a panic attack with a hug. I continue to have allium duo brainrot.

Chapter 1/1 - 3k words - complete

from a cedar tree by sailingthenightsea

At the conclusion of the Manberg vs Pogtopia war, Tommy tries everything in his power to keep his loved ones alive, even at the cost of himself. Somehow, this lets him get a happy ending.

Chapter 1/1 - 4k words - complete

A Lifetime of Plans by Live

It turns out that Wilbur, Techno, and Phil are vampires. So, obviously Tommy does the logical next step: he locks himself in Tubbo's house and throws garlic at them from the windows. They may try to win back his affection, but Tommy knows its just lies. Sorta. Alright, maybe his affection can be bought with food, but it's good food!

Chapter 3/? - 10k words

Sharing is Caring by bitsinboots

Tommy is living with Phil, but he's still wary as fuck around Techno. Techno, it turns out, does not appreciate this.

Chapter 1/1 - 2.9k words - complete

heavy is the head by Odaigahara

An exiled Tommy makes the executive decision to raid Techno's house, but instead finds him hibernating. So, maybe it's not an awful idea to stick around for a bit? Featuring a half asleep Technoblade blurrily looking around his house, finding nothing out of place, and Tommy nearly having a panic attack.

Chapter 1/1 - 1.8k words - complete

Throw the Walls into the Fireplace by lockergirl

Tommy breaks into Techno's house post-exile, fully ready to get slaughtered. Except, well, what he finds instead is a hibernating Technoblade, and warm house to stay in until spring since obviously Tommy can't just leave Techno alone and undefended!

Chapter 1/1 - 4k words - complete

#space rambles #ask box #fic recs #weekly fic recs #i'm going to be honest this isn't even all my new bookmarks since the last fic recs #there are so so many more to go #yet i refuse to update on a regular basis why would i do that #however if you send me an ask i WILL get you fic recs #this is a transactional relationship

22 notes · View notes

lovenona · 3 years

Note

and i repeat: anthropo-ceramics geto suguru is the type of toxic where he'd take your virginity, make a sculpture about the experience, then smash it on the ground as a metaphor

this ask is my entire life. this ask is my lifeblood. everyone please saddle up for the ride of a lifetime, otherwise known as 1500ish words of toxic geto featuring sukuna being a good fucking friend – please continue at ur own risk this absolutely contains geto being a pretentious toxic fucker and mentions of virginity/first time but yes i guarantee it does have a happy ending (link to the full college! cinematic universe here)

let’s begin with the basics – why wouldn’t you fuck geto suguru? he has the type of beauty that lingers on the back of your eyelids even after you’ve long since departed from him; it’s the kind of fragrant, lasting beauty that you think sculptors muse over when they coax life from their marble. he’s smooth, like still water, and calming, like the sound of birds rustling and leaves swaying at dawn. he is helen: a beauty that nations would go to war over.

and sure, he is pretentious, the kind of toxic pretentiousness that festers inside of all pretty boys who call themselves “leftists” but can’t be bothered to call their mothers or to care about their partners. but it’s the way he speaks, the way he looks at you with such fervor and attention in his eyes that you’re utterly willing to let him break your heart.

and maybe it’s not often that someone looks at you the way geto does: it’s not often that someone looks at you like they want you, body and soul. and it feels nice to be cared about, to be flirted with, even if the figure doing the flirting condescends you in a way that is different, harsher, colder, than the way ryomen sukuna does.

so geto suguru takes you on dates. after the avant-garde poetry reading, in which you feigned excitement as he recited a poem on global imperialism that you didn’t quite vibe with, he brings you to local bookstores with overpriced yuppie memoirs, farmers’ markets with organic fruit, human rights protests and philosophy meetings where greasy boys bitterly discuss the communist manifesto. he takes you to dinner, too, to vegan restaurants that you can’t help but rave about on yelp later and to bars where they serve your cocktails in mason jars.

geto suguru, for all his faults, is incredibly lighthearted with you; he makes you feel beautiful and desirable and warm, even when he’s explaining anthropology to you with such intense vigor that you lose track of his meaning. after everything, you’d be lying if you said you regretted your time with him.

after awhile you let geto fuck you – and yes, he was your first time, which you were naturally quite nervous about. but you appreciated him because he waited for you; he never pressured you into behaviors you didn’t want; he never asked you for services you weren’t ready to provide. and so when you slept with him, after an invigorating open-mic night at the fair-trade coffee shop near campus, you felt ready for the intimacy. geto made you feel attractive, comfortable, safe. he praised you the whole night, gave you caresses that lit you up like fireworks, provided such a level of god-tier aftercare you still reminisce about it, even now.

but that’s the thing about anthropology-ceramics major geto suguru: he’s quietly toxic. he’s a poison that sneaks up on you, infecting your bloodstream when you least expect it.

you weren’t sure if geto wanted to pursue a relationship, either. you’d fucked, sure, and you went on dates, but he was always the type to avoid long-term commitments. rumors float around campus of the many partners he’s ghosted, of the relationships he exploited for his own “artistic musings.” they aren’t loud rumors, to be sure, but they hang around his aura like a strange, ghostly scent.

geto is a pretentious little fuck. you’ve known it and agreed to enter his circle anyway. maybe you hoped, perhaps naively, that the rumors would simply not apply to you.

which was a stupid idea. three weeks after the experience, since which you have only spent one-on-one time with geto only a few times, mostly to talk about school, the art department hosts an art show. it’s a regular occurrence, where the art students show off their best works, grad students display their in-progress theses, and outsiders can browse the displays, drink wine, offer to give outstanding students jobs and internships. it’s truly a big fucking deal for the art department; many of the school’s the most successful artists received their first acclaim here.

you’ve always enjoyed attending, even if the level of talent and expertise sometimes intimidates you, even if you know you’ll never be on this level. you know sukuna’s got a few paintings lined up to be on display – paintings you’ve modeled for, drawings you’ve watched him labor over for hours on end. you reckon that for all your begrudging time together, you might as well show your face in support.

but what you didn’t count on was geto’s contribution.

at this art show, there are, every now and then, some interactive performances, speeches, explanations on certain works. so it happens that from the back of the auditorium you watch geto take the stage, wheeling a small, white sculpture behind him. from your perspective it could have been a flower – perhaps a lily, but you can’t be certain.

(geto always did like sculpting precious, dainty flowers.)

he doesn’t call you by name, but he doesn’t have to. he talks at great length in that smooth voice of his about the construct of virginity, the purity culture plaguing the globe, the emotional sensitivity of having your first time. geto seguru tells an avid audience what you felt about fucking for the first time. he recreates the entire night for two hundred listeners: he recalls the foreplay, the insecurity, the orgasms. he doesn’t call you by name. he doesn’t have to.

he may have asked for your consent the first time. but he certainly did not ask your permission to do this.

you’re not sure if you should laugh or cry when geto dramatically smashes his own sculpture, citing the “destruction of virginity” and the need “to demolish a social desire to classify one’s morality based upon their sexual activity” and “the symbolic popping of the cherry” among other phrases that are utter bullshit. you’re watching the fragments dance across the stage and you feel exploited. you feel used in a way that feels utterly worse than anything else geto could have done.

did he ever like you? or were you simply a muse for this moment?

you’re about to ditch the art show and go wallow in self pity at your apartment when a familiar presence slides in beside you.

“that’s kinda fucked,” sukuna says, hands in his jacket pockets. he’s looking at you out of the corner of his eye. his tone tells you he’s joking. maybe he just doesn’t know. “no one gives a shit about virginity constructs anymore, idiot.”

“yeah,” you respond, but the energy is gone. you feel strange, like you’re hovering outside of yourself. your head hurts: you’re angry. you decide you’d like to cry when you get home. “what a piece of shit.” it comes out strangled and lost.

sukuna notices the dejection in your voice, the sag in your shoulders, the way you’re just barely able to hold yourself together. he may be arrogant, not ryomen sukuna is not mean.

a familiar arm around your shoulders, keeping your sanity together. “shit’s lame. let’s get the fuck out of here.” it’s a phrase that captures everything that remains unsaid between you: i’m going to beat the shit out of geto the next time i see him. that’s absolutely unbelievable.

you never explicitly told sukuna about your weird relationship with geto: you didn’t have to. it was always evident to the both of you. it was written in the way you’d look a little bit longer in geto’s direction, in the way you let yourself be strung along and become someone else. you’ve hung around sukuna long enough that you know his body language and that he knows yours. you’ve hung around sukuna enough that there are a lifetime of stories that never need to be told.

you nod. “yeah.” thank you. i know.

you’re both uncharacteristically silent when you exit the auditorium, when you collect sukuna’s belongings that are still lounging by his artwork as you prepare to leave. ryomen sukuna is famous for never shutting the fuck up. but as you button your coat, he’s silent, and it’s strange. comfortable.

“thank you,” you say with uncharacteristic softness as he throws a sketchbook back into his backpack and zips it shut.

“why?”

“for asking my permission,” you say, gesturing to the gallery wall behind him, to the painting of you – “eros” – that you had posed for awhile back. even now, you find that it captures an essence you did not know you possessed. “he didn’t. ask, i mean.”

ryomen sukuna has always craved your attention. and maybe he’s glad he’s got it back – but it feels sour. he doesn’t understand why he’s so fucking upset for you. he doesn’t understand why he wants so badly for you to be happy again. what he does understand is that he plans for retribution.

“that’s fucked,” he settles on. “what bastard doesn’t ask for consent?”

you smile – and he does too, one that’s less feral and almost kind. and so you fall back into routine, already, some kind of weight lifting from your shoulders. ryomen sukuna may be a menace, but you can rely on him, trust him: that much you know.

“you know,” sukuna says offhandedly as you exit the building and enter the parking lot. “i know where geto’s car is, i’m just saying. and i’d be lying if i said i didn’t have an extra precision knife in my backpack right now.”

#IDK YALL #SMTH ABT THIS JUST MAKES ME FERAL #IF U NEED A FOLLOWUP U KNOW WHERE THE ASK BOX IS #sukuna #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna #geto suguru #geto x reader #geto suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #adele writes #artist!jjk #letters to adele #geto.seguru #ryomen.sukuna

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