#especially about mental health issues or my adhd and many other things that i don't wanna blast him about on the internet

[alostlittleriverlotus]

not in a good mood cause my friend's boyfriend is dealing with his abusive mom. And after a recent issue they had of her verbally abusing him, he found out about narcissistic abuse and ow. Ow. Thing is, he's autistic/adhd and has BPD and DID. I just. I fucking hate how easy it is. He repeated that "autistic and adhd people attract narcissists."

NO!!!!! Luckily he's very open minded and chill and is trying to understand when my friend tells him. But still. The fact that someone with equally demonized disorders and BPD which can be very commonly comorbid with NPD and then demonizes narcissists cause of how widely available that information is hurts. Just...no. Just no.

That is how easily accessible the information on "narcissists" is. He learned about it that easily when that ableism stems from the same place as the rest of hatred of mental health. There are people that believe you can't be in a relationship with someone with ADHD without it being emotionally abusive. People think meltdowns from autistic people are intentional emotional abuse. There are people that still believe that stuff.

It is so important for the rest of the mentally ill to not fall into this hole of demonizing narcissists. That ableism stems from the same place that ableism against autistic people and depression and anxiety and all stem from.

Narcissism doesn't make someone more likely to abuse. They do not have unique patterns of abuse. It is just abuse. It is emotional abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse. Just because someone that may have NPD is abusive does not make it narcissistic abuse. And also: if your abuser, especially if you are genetically related to them, has NPD then that raises the chance YOU would have NPD. It doesn't guarantee it, but personality disorders are a mix of trauma and genetics.

Anyone with any disorder can be abusive. People without disorders can be abusive. The majority of abusive people most likely don't have a personality disorder. It's the same as assuming that "all serial killers are schizophrenic" which is something my brother said to me recently. It's the same as believing all criminals are "psychopaths" when that just isn't true.

Anyone with or without disorder or neurodivergency has the ability to abuse and hurt others. A lot of the time, abusers may be just neurotypical. Narcissists aren't more likely to abuse than anyone else. Their disorder does not make them abusive. Any disorder can affect their treatment of someone.

I have dealt with many people who used their depression as a way to abuse me. It does not make it depression or depressive abuse. The disorder is irrelevant, the abuse is not.

If you lump in narcissists with abusers, you are lumping in other people that have been abused and traumatized with their abusers. I have been compared to a rapist, to a child sex offender, to a serial killer for being a narcissist. I have seen people saying to kill every narcissist since it would be better for people. I have been told I am lying about my abuse and actually my abusive ex boyfriend didn't abuse me, *I* abused *HIM.*

Narcissistic abuse does not exist. It is not a different or unique pattern. It is not "different than NPD cause the word narcissist existed before NPD" (when it is heavily associated with NPD and many resources say it is about NPD.) It is not a special type of abuse done by people with NPD. It is bullshit. You don't need "narcissistic abuse" to be able to understand your own abuse. Narcissists are not everywhere and looking to harm you. It keeps you scared and traumatized. It is not healing, it is not helping.

I'm just so upset cause my friend's BF is such a cool dude and I have faith he will learn over time, but it was so triggering. I split so fucking bad. So yes. Here's my rant and the reminder that: Narcissistic abuse is bullshit and just demonizes people with NPD and the mentally ill and people they often claim are narcissists aren't and are just privileged and entitled and shitty people and often have to do with more systemic problems that are normalized and accepted by society rather than, you know, icky mentally ill person.

Oh and btw. If you're gonna fight at all on this, just block me. Either you can listen and learn or not. If you're in the "not" section, just leave. You'll just be blocked anyway. Because I'm not here to have it justified why it's okay to say narcissists are abusive when I am literally a narcissist and this shit has literally worsened me to the point of wanting to die. Fuck off. We are mentally ill people. Some people with NPD being abusive does not make us all abusive. You would never say the same for any other disorder so why say it for us? If you wouldn't say it about autism, depression, OCD, or any other literal mental illness then do NOT say it about us. There are people out there who DO still say that about those disorders. Who DO believe that a disorder makes you inherently abusive. Is that who you want to side with? Cause it's the same fucking logic. Narcissistic abuse is purely pop psychology and popularized by the mainstream rather than even being a real term. Yes, psychologists and other professionals can be wrong and can be ableist too.

I've said my piece. Narcissists and anyone else demonized whether your disorder is widely demonized or not, I love you. A lot of disorders have become more infantilized rather than demonized these days, but there are people out there that still see every mentally ill person as evil. No matter what kind of ableism you face for your disorder, you deserve love and care and support, not to be treated more like an object than a person. And no matter what, no matter how good or bad, You. Deserve. Help. You deserve to be able to have access to help without any bullshit.

#rant #ableism #sanism #narcissistic abuse #narc abuse #narcissistic #narcissistic personality disorder #actually narcissistic #actually npd #fuck ableism #fuck demonization #demonization of mental illness #personality disorders #cluster b #actually autistic #actually traumatized #disabled #cluster b safe #personality disorder safe #abuse #ableist #ableist bullshit #tw sanism #tw ableism #tw sui mention

[beardedmrbean]

On Jan. 27, Dutch blogger Lauren Hoeve passed away through assisted suicide. After enduring years of chronic fatigue syndrome (also known as myalgic encephalomyelitis, ME/CFS), autism, ADHD, and anxiety, she, at the young age of 28, chose euthanasia to escape a life dominated by pain.

As a Canadian, I am familiar with the Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID) program, which has allowed eligible adults to request assisted death services since the federal legislation passed in June 2016. As of this year, the MAID program was also set to allow those with mental illness to choose euthanasia.

However, a recent development on Feb. 1 proposed legislation to temporarily exclude individuals with a sole underlying medical condition of mental illness until 2027.

This legislation is currently under review by Parliament, and unless it passes, the exclusion will be lifted on March 17, 2024. This means individuals struggling solely with mental health issues may become eligible for assisted death.

A confession: Initially, I welcomed the idea of assisted dying, believing it could be a humane choice for those at the late stages of irreversible illnesses to make choices on their own behalf. However, my growing concern lies in the application of MAID by the Canadian government.

I am now skeptical about the true autonomy of individuals opting for assisted death, especially in a country with socialized health care. The risk of medical practitioners recommending MAID as a cost-cutting measure to alleviate strain on the health care system is unsettling, as suggested by a 2020 analysis estimating potential annual savings of save $66 million annually in health care costs.

Individuals considering MAID are already vulnerable due to physical or mental suffering, making them susceptible to external pressures. Reflecting on my own past struggles, I recognize the unpredictability of emotions and circumstances. What seems unbearable one day may change with time and support—yet the choice to end life is a permanent one.

Like many others, I've lived with chronic pain for much of my life. I can recall many days where I've wondered what the point was of continuing to suffer. And then, a miracle drug had come along. Will it continue to work indefinitely? I don't know, but for now, I feel like I have my life back.

And that's the thing, there's an unpredictable nature to health care. What one experiences one day, can change tomorrow.

There are exceptions. I recall reading about Canadian journalist John Scully, an 82-year-old man dealing with severe depression. He was hospitalized many times, had 19 treatments with electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), and takes up to 30 pills a day to manage his chronic pain and health issue. Shouldn't he have a choice?

And yet, I was struck by something in the statement put out by Lauren Hoeve's parents. "Millions of people are affect by ME/CFS, with no established treatment pathways and no cure," they wrote on X on Feb. 2. "Why is their suffering acknowledged enough for euthanasia but not enough to fund clinical research?"

And herein lies the rub. Why is euthanasia offered as a viable solution to a potentially non-permanent problem, when other options are possible?

Mental health services in Canada (and elsewhere) are scarce. Psychologists are expensive and out of reach for many. Psychiatric services are free of charge, but the wait lists are even longer than those for psychologists and few people can get access. The wait to get help is usually over a year. Family physicians just end up prescribing medications based on a checklist and see what sticks.

Those living with chronic pain and disability have been put at the front of the line for MAID. Readily being presented with assisted dying services—instead of treatments or alternatives—can create a sense of being undervalued or marginalized. It implies that end-of-life choices should be prioritized over efforts to provide care, support, or treatments that could improve one's quality of life or extend their lifespan.

Moreover, individuals feeling like a burden on their families may be easily swayed.

I've heard of least one case where a woman decided to end her life because she couldn't get access to opioids for pain management. And while opioids are far from ideal, when it's a choice between life and death—perhaps her doctors should have considered giving her another chance at life.

For me, the troubling part of all of this is that instead of enhancing life-staining systems—whether for people with mental health concerns, chronic pain, or disabilities—our government is opting for permanent exit plans that alleviate strain on the health care system, instead of improving it.

People deserve to have choices—and the choice to end their life should only be considered once every other possible option has been exhausted.

An estimated 836,000 to 2.5 million Americans and more than 580,000 Canadians suffer from ME/CFS. Their lives are inherently valuable.

The views expressed in this article are the writer's own.

#nunyas news

[johannestevans]

i was reading your post abt asab at the doctor and my brain tried to go into solution mode as it is wont to do, but i realized like. there is no solution. at least not one that isn't a complete overhaul of the medical system, including research fields.

i've been on t for a year as of tomorrow, and a few months in i noticed my adhd medication stopped working. it got so bad that when i would take it, i would have to fight to keep myself awake. i couldn't figure out what was going on and my doctor just said 'just keep taking it and maybe it'll level out.' several months later, i still felt like absolute shit when i took it to the point where i felt better when i didn't take it. i asked to up the dose but she said it would be 'too much of a shock to my system.' i eventually just stopped taking it because even though i barely function without it, i didn't function at all with it on that dose. i talked to a friend last week who is also on t and he said 'oh yeah your dose is too low. your metabolism can change on t, so it's likely you need to up your dose.' so like not only was this a situation where if i was a cis man my concerns likely would have been addressed immediately, but it was a failure of my doctor to actually understand how trans bodies on hrt work and what they need. so how exactly would having "afab" on my chart have helped??? bc there is no difference in initial dosage between male and female patients, the starting dose is usually 30mg across the board (my doc had me on 30mg initially then lowered my dose to 20mg after i lost access to it for a month??????), the thing that affected me wasn't my fucking vagina or ovaries, it was a change in my endocrine system!!!

and i feel like this heavy reliance on asab makes doctors lazy. they don't do regular blood tests, they don't test your metabolism, your hormone levels, they just assume based on the f or m what your levels should be, or they see that you're fat so they assume you have high bp, cholesterol, blood sugar, etc. (cannot tell you how many times i've had nurses take my bp numerous times bc they refused to believe it was average, and i still keep getting hounded abt my blood sugar and cholesterol despite the fact that every single test has come up normal.) like i don't think any doctor has ever even bothered giving me blood tests until i started t, they just assumed from the f on my chart and my body size. i remember getting put on metformin when i was young with no blood tests simply because i was fat, and i still have kidney issues because of it.

anyway sorry for ranting in your inbox, that was kind of all over the place, but your post just really struck a chord and reminded me how much i hate the medical system.

YEAH EXACTLY. I'm so sorry, it's just like... ARGH.

Like especially the weight problems and like... Doctors desperately want to go based off of people's ASAB and what their weight is and not what's normal for them! Same for racial assumptions, especially assumptions doctors will make about Black people and anyone who's dark-skinned and/or has natural hair.

Plus disability! Addiction! Mental health issues! They'll just make assumptions based off any other aspect of their identity - any excuse to dodge talking to the patient and treating them like they're a human being, or acting like as a doctor they're a human being rather than a god and commander.

Like, all these specific metrics rather than what the actual patient's experiences are, and what they're saying. A lot of medical professionals just think the world will end if they actually talk to and listen to one of their patients, and it's infuriating!

#musings #anonymous

[queerprayers]

Hello, I am participating in Lent for the first time, and I struggle a lot with sloth so I wanted to focus on that. Do you have any ideas for what to add/give up to combat sloth?

Welcome, beloved! Lent is such a blessing and I'm so happy you're here. You've already done so much by reaching out and wanting to prepare! Here are some thoughts:

First, I'd advise being really clear with yourself what you're struggling with. Lots of mental health issues (especially ADHD and depression) can be identified as laziness, and measuring productivity under capitalist standards puts a judgement on rest. Ask yourself what you wish you were doing, and what's preventing you from doing it. Are you setting realistic standards? Are you burnt out? Do you not have the coping skills/executive function/support to do your daily tasks? Are you purposely not doing anything with your life, or are you struggling to do the things you need to do? I trust that you know yourself, and I'll accept your self-judgement of sloth, but perhaps investigate it further. Laziness doesn't come from nowhere, and knowing more about why you're falling short can make a lot of difference.

This might seem counterintuitive, but scheduling rest/leisure can be life-changing. If we push ourselves all day, every day, and we find that we're constantly distracted or taking naps or putting off tasks? Well, we probably need something! Obviously many people don't have much choice in the pushing-themselves department. Sometimes we're just surviving. But if it's available to you, set aside time. If you always end up playing video games instead of working, set aside half an hour do play video games. You'll have that guilt-free leisure time, and then can get back to work. In my experience: Schedule breaks as well as work, otherwise the breaks will happen during the work. If you don't find a time to rest, your body will choose for you.

I'm not completely up to snuff on my deadly sins, so I looked up sloth, just to see how it's interpreted. One thing I kept running into was this idea of a lack of care. I don't know what specific things you're struggling with, but perhaps ask yourself what you do care about, in both good and bad ways. Are you caring about your own time more than others'? Temporary comfort more than long-term goals? What are you passionate about? Where does your attention lie? Or maybe: what do you want to care about that you don't? We can't force ourselves to care, but we can be more present, we can learn more about things, we can recognize where we want our attention to lie. "What am I being lazy about?" might not be a helpful question--it also might create a lot of guilt (the bad, roadblock kind). "What do I want to pay attention to? What do I want to prioritize?" might be more useful.

It sounds like you're already there, but just in case: The advice a lot of people need (including me) is to set specific goals. In past years I've said things like, "This Lent, I'm going to be a kinder person" or "I'll give more to charity." This is all well and good, but what does this mean? How do I live that out? What measurement am I using? If that kind of statement is helpful/inspiring to you, then go for it, but for many people, the specific goals are the ones we can accomplish. "This Lent, instead of buying Starbucks in the morning, I'm going to donate that amount." "I'm going to write down one thing I did every day for someone else." "I'm going to set aside 15 minutes to pray every morning." These statements are actionable, and we can know when we've accomplished them.

For you, I'd be cautious saying something like "I'm going to be more productive." Go back to that knowledge of why you're falling short. What are you missing? Your more specific goals might include scheduling rest, or learning new coping skills, or completing to-do lists, or resisting the urge to lay in bed at least once a day, or responding to emails the same day you receive them. Even if they are more general, like "being more present in my work," how can you document and think about that? Maybe you'll journal every day about how you made a difference, what's better in your life when you're present and productive. Maybe you'll choose one aspect of your life/work each week to pay attention to.

Other ideas/questions:

Is there something specific you default to when you're bored/distracted, like watching TV? Give that up! See what your life looks like without that habit!

What's something that you consider sloth that could be transformed into community? Share the extra dessert with your coworker, invite your friends over for a movie, take a day off of work to care for someone in need. Rest can be shared and joyful, and can create space for good works.

Document what specific things you come up against, and what you're doing to combat them. Hold yourself accountable. Even if you spend forty days writing down what you meant to do and didn't, that is self-knowledge and being present. That is a practice.

How can you ask for help? Maybe you want to talk to a therapist to learn coping skills or help with executive function, or maybe a friend could hold you accountable or do a task with you. You're not in this alone.

Reckon with the guilt you may experience. Are you feeling overly guilty about little things? Is guilt helping you recognize your flaws and inspiring you to grow, or is it holding you in pain? Is your guilt coming from hatred, or love? It might be all of the above. Sit with that. What guilt are you going to listen to, and what guilt are you going to move on from?

Sometimes sloth is holding onto things, like money or time or energy, when they could be going toward good. What are you grasping too tightly? What is God asking you to live through and let go?

What's something you've always wished you were doing, but never got around to? Learning a new skill, reading a book, volunteering. Now might be the time to do it! Start knitting! Join a political action group! Expanding the useful tasks that we can do can help us move on from inaction.

How does your sloth manifest, and what is its opposite? Action? Productivity? Energy? Alertness? Sometimes combating sin means embracing its opposite. How can you find that?

Always remember: Lent is the road to Easter. It's not a self-help book or a new years' resolution, it's a practice. It's forty days out of our years that we set aside, that spend in our own deserts. And no matter what, Easter is on the other side. We acknowledge our faults and give up things and focus our attention, and we do this because there is Life in our future. There are forty days of Lent and fifty days of Easter, every year, again and again. If we do nothing at all, if we change nothing and give in to all our flaws, time still moves, Easter still arrives. We, scarred and hurting, always have resurrection. You can't fail at Lent. You cared enough to ask reach out, and even if that's all you do--if all you do is think about Lent, think about what you're struggling with--Easter is for you. You don't have to do anything to deserve God's presence or joy.

However your Lent goes, whatever practice you find, whatever further struggles you discover, God is with you. Remember that you are dust (created and transformed, with a great capacity to love, with God ever beside you), and to dust you shall return (rest follows work, joy follows sorrow). May the road rise up to meet you.

<3 Johanna

#asks #i hope i actually answered your question lol. johanna does everything need to be an essay

[thedisablednaturalist]

adding on to the prev ask - ive literally never heard of anyone letting someone take a mental health day but typically physical health stuff is taken more seriously? im not living ur life tho obviously so maybe im being ignorant rn

I'm not saying that everyone accepts accommodating neurodivergence. I'm saying that people who do oftentimes will get pissed if they have to accommodate someone who's physically disabled. At least in college and especially in fields that involve doing things that aren't desk work. They think you needing to take a break means you shouldn't be in the field at all. I had a professor that was super accommodating to my neurodivergent classmates, but was pissed off when he had to let me join class remotely because i couldn't get out of bed that day due to my chronic pain (he would allow others to join remotely for mental health reasons). My mom bends over backward to accommodate my autistic brother who is also severely depressed. Then she turns around and yells at me for sleeping during the day and for using a wheelchair. My disability services knew all about accommodating adhd and anxiety and even gave me a recording pen. They didn't have any clue on how to accommodate a physically disabled student. I was given a ton of guidance on mental health at my college orientation and NO INFORMATION ON PHYSICAL DISABILITY. I had to figure everything out for myself after finding out I was physically disabled at age 22. They screen for depression and anxiety and ADHD and autism at every school and don't screen for things like scoliosis, spinal issues, eds, fibromyalgia, CFS, etc. I went to so many appointments begging doctors to do more in depth examinations because I hurt everywhere and even exercising and eating healthy wasn't helping. And they told me that I needed to lose weight and gave me vitamin D pills and asked me if it was my depression causing it and SO MANY YOUNG PEOPLE get told its because they're fat or its growing pains or they sit at their computer too much and its not that neurodivergent people don't have that happen as well but its so much more prevalent when you're trying to get help as a physically disabled person. Trust me I know how much being mentally ill and neurodivergent sucks. But I've run into way more people accepting of those than of my physical disabilities.

#cripplepunk #physical disability #chronic pain #chronic disability #spoonie #wrenfea.ask

[mymistakewriting]

i personally agree and relate so much with buck’s adhd + anxiety specifically so i was just wondering if you could go more in depth with those headcanons? adhd buck is so important to me and reading about it and talking gives ME dopamine lol. oooh and the volume control like getting called out on it would so trigger his RSD! and everyone LOVES going to trivia with him for sure hahah sorry this kind of turned into my headcanons but yeah what do you think??!

I'll answer that second ask you sent in separately because Oh Boy do I have some Opinions to share on all of it.

I absolutely adore getting to just sit down and scream about characters and their habits and their mental health and how it all ties together. And Buck has given me PLENTY to work with since I started the show. But specifically focusing in on his ADHD & anxiety & RSD?

Not only does he hyperfixate on random stuff that has no use he CANONICALLY does research on natural disasters after he's lived through them - he did so with the tsunami, he did so with the earthquakes. He even canonically references researching volcanos after the wildfire crossover with Lone Star where he made the trip to Austin to help. This man is a walking encyclopedia of information on natural disasters and traumas. But it's very much a coping mechanism. It's a "I survived this and I have no clue how or why, so I have to understand what the odds were and I need to be able to be prepared and help others better if I ever live through another one of these". It's a "if I understand this and why it happens and how best to survive it, then it holds no power over me". It's a "I can't be scared of this so I have to understand it instead." It's the kind of coping mechanism that I've only ever seen in people who have ADHD or autism - statistics over fear, because fear can only cause harm ESPECIALLY as a first responder. Fear can come later, accept he tries not to ever let it because that makes him weak in his eyes.

The anxiety definitely stims from childhood trauma - look at his parents and Maddie and tell me that their behaviors weren't the root cause of so many of Buck's bad habits and I'll call you a liar. His parents are the reason he's so reckless. His parents AND Maddie are the reason Buck 1.0 was clinging so tightly to the label of sex addict because it was hard for him to admit that he didn't feel good enough after being left behind by everyone he'd ever had in his entire life. And don't take this as me talking poorly on Maddie, but she's also the reason why Buck latched on so tightly to Abby. And Ali. And Taylor. And the 118 crew. She left when he was a teenager, left him with parents that they both knew were awful, and he kind of internalized it and now a few years down the line it's crippling anxiety and abandonment issues and he doesn't have an outlet for any of that. And I could go on for hours about how his childhood contributed to him being semi-verbal at best, and about how much of how he defines himself ties into how he was defined as a kid, but that'll have to be a whole other post because there are so many intricacies to it that it deserves it's own thing.

His RSD. Oh I love the portrayal they give for his RSD. Because it's not just canceled plans and being overlooked that send him spiraling like so many people assume when they hear the phrase. It's someone's tone changing or someone pulling away too soon when he gets comfortable showing affection. It's how he held on so tight until he just couldn't anymore when Abby left because she said she'd come back and she's never lied to me before so she'll come back, everyone else is being dramatic. I just have to wait.

It's how well he just gave all of himself to Ali. She helped him find a place to live. Helped him furnish it in a way that is shockingly out of character for Buck - none of those decorations when he was with her felt like him in the slightest.

It was how he tried to twist and change himself and his relationships to make things with with Taylor. He didn't bring Eddie up to her often, didn't bring her up to Eddie unless he could avoid it, didn't talk about work, let her use his place and his information and his everything to do her job even though it got him questioned there at the end by the Department about who her sources were. And it's there in how hesitant he was to end things. How much he looked like he was fighting himself when he did end things.

His volume control is such a small thing that never gets called out in the fandom posts I do see - the 118 is wonderful at it once they know him, they know ways to point it out without sending him into a tailspin. It's always a gentle cup to the shoulder or elbow or a gentle nudge of shoulder to shoulder or a soft redirection that requires a softer voice somewhere else. It's never a "you're being too loud" or an annoyed glance from them.

From people they save, though? Buck stutters a lot more around people they work to save, he's always trying to be conscious of everything because he's gotten those looks or gotten those annoyed comments time and time and time again until it's become one of his biggest insecurities.

He gives every bit of himself to everything he does, and it definitely makes his RSD worse when that just isn't enough.

#kieran talks #asks #anon #evan buckley #buck #911 headcanons #I had a lot to say about this sorry #I think I still have more to say but this was getting a little long

[thetrashbois]

PINNED UPDATED FINALLY

Hey! I'm Spooky! I'm 25 years old, and use she/they pronouns.

I've had this blog for a very long time but it's been very on and off being used, And yet I keep coming back 👉👉

This blog is my vibing place for my self shipping! This can go anywhere from just reblogging my blorbos, to me actually making stuff! Mainly art and writing!

This blog is 18+ only. No minors. I like to keep all my content for this on one blog so that includes more sinful content. Though it will be tagged accordingly if you don't wanna see it! (Tags at bottom!)

I tend to switch around a lot to different fandoms and interests. It's rare I'll stop liking a fandom or character though. I have many Blorbos and the number only grows uwu

I have a lot of mental health stuff going and self shipping is a big coping mechanism for me. ✌️

I'm a system! I don't really plan to talk about it much on this blog, but on the off chance it comes up I'll say it ™️

I have two amazing partners, @calamari-minecraft-corner and @angelover44 . ❤️

My main is @spooookyqueen, I follow from there!

I'm not gonna do a full DNI this time cause I don't have the braincells, and people don't always respect them anyway, but I will set a few ground rules.

Obviously any basic DNI stuff would apply.

I wanna keep discourse of any kind off here for the most part, it stresses me out and if im gonna talk about that sort of thing it would be on my main and not my self shipping blog.

For the most part everyone is welcome here, just don't be an ass or just straight up make me or anyone uncomfortable.

I do on occasion post darker topics here, especially given I like a lot of evil or fake characters. I don't not support anything of the sort irl. This obviously does not include the obvious no-nos.

Anything with dark content will be tagged accordingly. If anyone needs me to add more tags I will gladly do so. And if I forget, please don't hesitate to let me know. (Just don't be rude about it)

I can't promise any form of logic for when I post and what I post. My ADHD makes me a bit all over sometimes so there's no schedule or anything. Sometimes I might not post for a long time, it's really just up to what I see, feel up to.

Asks are always open! Just don't be rude or disrespectful is all I ask. I am just vibing here after all.

I'm not above blocking if y'all can't behave though.

I have many silly aus and such. Sometimes crossovers. What one with a small brain might call "cringe"

Jokes on your cringe culture is dead though and I killed it 💜

FR tho, Were all just having fun here 👉👉

Also sorry for any spelling/grammar issues on here or on any other post of mine, I struggle a lot sometimes with my ADHD since my brain tends to be faster than my hands. And if I don't type quick enough I tend to lose my thoughts

Main Tags I use below, Will add F/O Tags as I go ✌️

General Tags

#Cala my beloved Posts involving @calamari-minecraft-corner

#Katlyn my beloved Posts involved @angelover44

#Suggestive Not quite going into sexual territory but the implication is there

#Sinful Mature content, namely the sexual sort

#My Memes

#My Edits

#My Art

#My Writing

Blorbo Tags

#Wesker or #Albert Wesker Albert Wesker from the Resident Evil franchise & Dead By Daylight

#Eddie or #Eddie Gluskin Eddie Gluskin from Outlast: Whistleblower

#Darkiplier Darkiplier from Markiplier's Ego Videos (Or as I call them the Markiplier Cinematic Universe)

#Damien or #Mayor Damien Damien from Markiplier's Ego Videos (Or as I call them the Markiplier Cinematic Universe)

#Celine or #Seer Celine Celine from Markiplier's Ego Videos (Or as I call them the Markiplier Cinematic Universe)

#Astarion or #Astarion Ancunín Astarion from Baldur's Gate 3

#Gale or #Gale Dekarios Gale Dekarios from Baldur's Gate 3

#Raphael Raphael from Baldur's Gate 3

#Miguel or #Miguel O'Hara Miguel from the Spider-Verse Movies

#Spot, #The Spot, or #Johnathon Ohnn Johnathon Ohnn/The Spot from the Spider-Verse Movies

#Vox Vox From Hazbin Hotel

#Lucifer or #Lucifer Morningstar Lucifer from Hazbin Hotel

Will add more as I go, anyway, thanks for reading ✌️

[genderqueerdykes]

I'm neurodivergent (ADHD & Autism), and I have mental health issues that can make me a very sensitive person who has a hard time doing things; I've tried explaining this to people but they often still tell me I need to "contribute" by finding a job/going to school to "prove im doing something". It hurts whenever I get told this stuff cause its supposed to be for my benefit but often it makes me feel like I'm not worth anything if im not a "proper adult"? I've gotten this numerous times from family, but I just got a similar talking to from my partner and it fucking sucks not only cause now I feel like I'm on a deadline to fix my relationship but also I don't know if im allowed to feel upset at anyone? Idk many disabled people who are high needs/can't work so I don't know if im being dramatic about my ability or making excuses

hello there, apologies for the delayed reply to this

i just wanted to say from the bottom of my heart i'm very sorry people are telling you these things, especially that you need to "contribute" by getting a job or going to school- that's very shitty thinking and it's not fair to the person it's pushed on. getting a job and going to school don't inherently "contribute" to your local community, your family, and especially YOURSELF. you don't have to "Contribute" to anything but yourself, your needs, and your own life

being a "proper adult" is a social construct that people push that literally doesn't mean anything. i am 30 years old and i have never held down a job for longer than a year, nor have i paid off student debt loans. i have been homeless numerous times because of my illnesses. i have chronic fatigue, hypermobile EDS, arthritis, degenerated discs in my back, schizophrenia, autism, adhd and more and even if people have fewer conditions going on than that, i understand how disabling even 1 neurotype of health problem can be

i have days on end where i don't recover from symptoms, massive flare ups, days where i dislocate limbs, can't sleep, am in so much pain i can't lay down, can't walk, bad sensory overstims, focus issues, migraines, and a lot of other issues. being high needs isn't a "problem", it just means you need help, and every person needs help. abled people fail to understand that every person requires accommodation in one fashion or another.

needing reminder texts is an accommodation. needing bigger font is an accommodation. glasses are an accommodation. needing to be informed of something in advance is an accommodation. only drinking out of certain cups is an accommodation. everyone needs help with something.

if the people in your life are refusing you help, i'm sorry they're failing you. you don't deserve an ultimatum to fix your relationship by a certain date, that is so unfair to you, and that is conditional love- conditional love is not fair and often leaves people feeling very messed up. love should not be held behind barriers, you should not have to perform for love

i hope you're able to get into a better situation soon. people don't understand that disabled people are Disabled and no amount of "contribution to society" will make our disabilities go away. no amount of jobs will make you feel healthier, going to school will not reduce your symptoms. stress only adds to poor health, and you don't deserve to have to go through something just because other people feel you should.

i hope this helps, take care, if you have any more questions feel free to ask, stay safe out there, good luck in your situation.

#asks #answers #disability #autism #adhd

[americanphancakes]

I wanna talk about my mind for a little bit

I was gonna save this until after I posted the last Wingless Angel chapter but I can’t post it yet. Pretty sure my mind wants me to get this out of my system first.

So hi everyone, how are you? How have you been? Honestly if you’re still following at all I’m delighted.

I don’t want this to come across as some excuse for all the unfinished fanfic I left behind 3+ years ago, which is why I wanted to publish WA first, so I hope you don’t take it that way. But I ended up stumbling upon an aspect of my mental health that I’m still trying to address and since I never really saw anyone post or talk about my particular issue before very recently, I wanted to share it in case it resonates with anyone.

(Clearly stuff has changed, this is where I'd normally put a "read more" but.... I guess that's not a thing anymore?? Hopefully this isn't a huge annoying wall of text on everyone's dash, oof.)

I’ve posted before about my ADHD. I’ve been getting treatment for it for 10 years now, and for all that time, medication & other coping mechanisms have been helpful to a point, but only to a point. There was still something left that was keeping me from functioning, and I couldn’t tell what it was. All I knew was that I had no will of my own, and I’d spent the last 10 years trying to create situations where the people in charge were asking (or implying that i should do) things I considered good to do. “People in charge” meant anyone besides myself. If someone was not me, they automatically had authority, simply by virtue of being someone external to me.

I did a lot of research trying to find something that matched up with my experiences & feelings, even partially, and I looked into things like PDA autism and even just the people-pleasing habits common with other ADHD folks.

At some point, with therapy, I did learn how to say “no” to other people’s demands of me. I learned to set boundaries. But I was still profoundly uncomfortable with dictating what I was going to do, especially if anyone else was ever going to be aware of it.

When I was a little kid, i was told “no” constantly, and that’s not hyperbole. I’ve cited the story many times of falling in love with the violin when I was 9 but immediately being told “No, you’re going to play the flute.” So I played the flute, but without any passion for it I couldn’t figure it out and I quit, and my mom never stopped making me feel guilty about it. But that wasn’t the only example of that kind of thing. I wanted to play soccer; mom said play basketball, so I played basketball. I wanted to play piano; mom bought me a guitar and my sister got the electronic keyboard. (We eventually switched, but I never felt like I could fully commit to playing the thing). I wanted to learn Spanish or Japanese in high school; mom told me to learn French, so I took four fucking years of French.

My feelings and wishes were effectively not a factor in what I was allowed to do, what goals I was allowed to pursue, unless I was staying in my room and out of everyone’s way (and even then I had to make sure I jumped up to do what was asked of me if I got called from another room). Eventually I learned, as a survival mechanism, to just obey. It wasn’t worth fighting anymore because I was systematically robbed of my individuality at every turn. Something happened when I was 13 that I will never talk about publicly and she played "good parent who has her kid's back" for about 5 minutes before siding with the bad guy. I brought it up years later and she was mad I'd never gotten over it. And all that is on top of being raised to be a "good little capitalist drone" who needs to be perfect and efficient at all times. I was never supported. I was never given grace. So I never gave grace to myself, because if your own parents don't give you grace & time to learn and be flawed, then clearly you don't deserve any, right?

I finally cut my mother out of my life not long after the pandemic began, a few months after having gone no-contact from my father (mostly due to his casual racism & transphobia, which cost me at least one very close friendship when I was a kid, and was unkind to my child in a way I could not abide). My immediate family - spouse and kid - are the only family I have left now. And it sounds tragic on paper, because it is, but until I finally got away from my mother's voice in real life I couldn't filter through the recordings of her voice in my mind so I could finally throw them away. And that knot is still being untied. Honestly this is 10 years into a very long mental health journey, when you think about it, but I wish I'd cut my mom out of my life a very very long time ago. I wasn't angry about lost time when I got my ADHD diagnosis. I was angry about it when I realized that yes, this had been abuse, and I hadn't been courageous enough to get away from it sooner.

Because that dehumanization resulted in me having no will power of my own, and that extended as far as simply not wanting anything anymore. I like things, sure, but anything I WANTED for myself was out of the question, especially if it involved other people in any way, but honestly even solo pursuits became impossible for me to will myself to do. For right now, when I have something I want to do, I'm telling my friends & husband to order me to do it. Because I won't do it otherwise. And it's a potentially dangerous workaround, but it's all I have for now. I and my therapist are hoping that once my brain registers that what other people are telling me to do is aligned with what I want to do, maybe it won't depend on other people's commands anymore and I'll just take control of my own life for once. But that may not work. I'll have to wait and see.

So what does this have to do with my abandoned fics? Well, it had started to become more difficult to write because the adhd "shinyness" was wearing off anyway, but I'd been doing a good job of pushing past it because people liked what I was writing. I could see my skill getting better, and engagement was going up, and that was really motivating. But then... I stopped writing fic all of a sudden because someone made a post about finding it shitty when writers wrote about COVID in their fics, and.... that was sort of a last straw that broke me, because I do exactly that in the last WA chapter. So I just turned tail and ran away. I tried to push through and write & publish the chapter anyway, because it was the LAST chapter and I knew people were waiting on it, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Even having OSBB obligations didn't get me writing again, and given that obligation, the shame I felt about not having finished those stories weighed on me so badly that I couldn't even interact with you guys on Instagram, despite you having been so kind to me in the past. Let's face it, that goes WAY beyond adhd rejection sensitivity, that's a trauma response. I saw one bit of honestly well-reasoned critique of work that wasn't even mine, and I just ran. Immediately I felt like I was no longer allowed to take up space here. I felt unwelcome here in this corner of the internet world, just as I have always felt like I wasn't allowed to take up space in the physical world for almost my ENTIRE life. And the shame I already feel about myself normally was compounded by what I felt was a cowardly thing to do, which prevented me from returning. Now that I've accepted that, yes, I am an abuse victim whose life has been MASSIVELY and MAJORLY affected by that childhood trauma, I'm finally able to address it properly. Over the last few weeks I've been changing the direction of my therapy and my self-talk (reparenting yourself is HARD) and I'm feeling some improvement, but progress isn't linear so my burst of motivation the other night fizzled out, and I'm genuinely sorry for that.

So... yeah, I'm trying to come back and get those fics finished. I'm grateful for any of you willing to be patient with me. Consciously I KNOW I deserve any support willingly given to me by any of you, but I FEEL like I don't. So yeah. Thanks. <3

#long post #me irl #i'm sure i had a tag for original posts but i dont' know wtf it was #it's been awhile #I'm too damn old to already have so many regrets #i'm mourning a lot of goals i had once that are no longer options #or even things i'm not as interested in doing anymore #like i'm still sad i didn't do them in the first place even tho i don't wanna do them now #but some stuff i really do want to do #and i hope to regrow my childhood will power soon enough that i can do them #cuz yeah there is a proper midlife crisis going on now #i am halfway to death if i'm lucky #and my life has never been my own #so i'm trying to seize it back but it is really hard to do #I feel like tumblr is the only site that would know where this post is coming from #anywhere else i know it'd just be seen as a sob story excuse or something #i mostly just wanted anyone who's been an abuse victim in a similar way to realize that that's what it is #because i resisted accepting it for so long #and it cost me so much time

[deadbydad]

My Mental Health This Year and My Trauma

I want to put a warning on here that I will be talking about SH, SA, and suicide. So if you don't like that, then please don't read this.

Mental health is something I have been struggling with ever since my mom died when I was seven, and it only had gotten worse after that growing up.

Now I am not afraid to talk about my mental health and I want to bring more attention to what happened to me because it can happen and has happened to many others, and I feel like it isn't talked about enough.

I struggle with Bipolar and ADHD and Anxiety. I hate those things and I wish I never had them. They are something that I cannot control and I hate that.

Now I am only going to talk about the big things that happened and were the main cause of my trauma.

So I have abandonment issues, and that started when my mom chose drugs over me when I was little, and never came to see me at all, and then got murdered when I was seven.

Now I was young and it didn't really effect me at first since I didn't know how to process it at first. But later on the fear of being abandoned and left behind soon came into place.

It was so bad and only grew worse when I got into middle school, which were the worst years of my life and I fucking hated them, and that's when relationships started.

My first girlfriend was very nice to me and I really did like her, but turns out she didn't like me back. I ignored that and when we broke up I stayed away from her.

My other relationships after that were okay and short, nothing bad had happened and I am grateful for that, but sooner or later I had gotten into a toxic relationship.

Now this guy I had dated five times, and I regret every single time I did that. He was super depressed and so was I at the time, so in a way we were helping each other out.

But one day I realized that he was toxic and manipulative. Sooner or later I tried to break up with him but every time I did he would threaten to kill himself. I didn't want that so I stayed.

One day I had enough though and broke up with him for good. But the guilt I had made me start to cut myself.

Of course their were other things that had a big play in that, but I don't want to get into that at the moment.

I was cutting myself since middle school all the way to freshman year, but luckily I had stopped and got help from a therapist.

Now when I was fifteen that was what I consider the biggest cause of my trauma.

My dad had met a women who I fucking hate with a passion.

I hated her kids and just everything about them, especially her oldest son.

Now I do want to say that she had been pregnant with twins and they were my dads, but she had a miscarriage. I know that this is fucked up for me to say but I had no sympathy for her.

She was a terrible mother and would leave her kids a lone, who were only younger than ten!

Now me and her oldest son had gotten close and we became friends, we hung out a lot but one day he got too close. We were watching a movie and I was sitting next to him when he started touching my thigh. At first I thought it was an accident and that he was trying to get the remote but forgot where it was, so I ignored it. But then he tried to touch me...well you know where probably.

Now I did break his finger, but I never told anyone about it until this January when I went to Florida with my family. I told my uncle about it and god I was so glad I did.

When I didn't talk about it, and I didn't because I thought that no one would believe me, I couldn't sleep or eat. I went to bed and had nightmares about it and every time I tried to eat I threw up. Every time I showered I scrubbed me skin raw.

Now I know that everyone handles this differently, and people have told me that this was too severe to be a sexual assault and that I was lying. This was after I told my uncle about it.

So that happened to me, and then my dad had told me that they were leaving for Louisiana, and I was so happy. But that meant that they were taking my dad away. And to be honest, I didn't care at first.

My dad was in my life for a while after my mom died, but he wasn't really there if that makes sense. He never tried to be a father and that grew more and more when he met this women.

By the way she called me a slut just because I was wearing a crop top and low cut jeans. She asked all of the teenage boys in my house if it was appropriate for a 15 year old girl to be wearing that.

I let her call me that, because I was so used to people looking down and insulting me that I just let it happen.

And I wish I didn't.

When my dad left, that's when I started drinking. My cousin found the bottles of beer which is fucking nasty by the way, and she called my grandma.

I was so happy that I stopped drinking, and I am happy to say that I am one year sober!

But later on I had gotten a new boyfriend, one that I though would love me and care for me, but I was wrong. He cheated on me, abused me verbally and mentally. But I couldn't leave him even though I wanted to, because seeing him happy and not mad at me was what was goin through my head. I kept telling myself that he only does these things because he loves me. Fucked up right?

My abandonment issues were so bad that I stayed with him just because I was making him happy even though he wasn't treating me right. Eventually I realized what was happening and broke up with him.

But the trauma from that was so bad that one day, I had tried to overdose. Now I am so happy that I didn't succeed and that my best friend had found me on the bathroom floor.

My mental health this year was rocky and I had my hard moments but I also had my good moments.

I have a loving boyfriend who cares about me and I have amazing friends like you guys that have been supporting me this year.

Now I'm going to cut this short but I trust you guys with this!

Thank you!

[theoculus124]

Okay since you offered here are some questions I have...

1. What specific challenges do you face and how do you change things about your day to day life to deal with them?

2. How many times have you heard the 'its not that bad' or 'everyones a little ADHD' cause I wanna know how uneducated people are?

3. What help did you get/are you getting in a school/work environment?

I'm wanting to go into...like brain stuff, psychology, mental health and neuro divergency, so your offer of answering questions is really appreciated....

If answer to no. 3 is an unsatisfactory amount, then that will become something I will try my hardest to one day change, so people like yourself can have equal opportunities and a little limitations as possible. x

I struggle with ADHD paralysis, in short form it's when you get so overwhelmed you can't do anything so like for example I feel so overwhelmed in the morning by what I need to do throughout the day I stay in bed for a long period of time. Some people may think that's me being "lazy" or me just wanting to stay in bed like anyone else but the truth is is that I feel like I'm stuck to the bed because of how debilitating and stressful the rest of the day might be for me so I stay stuck. For now normally I don't really have alot of ways for dealing with it, so it just sort of happens and I get perceived as lazy and people will get upset with me and I just sort of take it? There's also RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) which I also struggle with alot, it can be simple things like maybe my friend hasn't texted me for a while or maybe I'm trying to give someone a hug and they push me away cause they're busy or when I was younger I typically only had 1 friend that I would cling to and so when they got other friends I felt like they would hate me and want to cut me off. That manifested in A) alot of self hated B) toxic behaviours like cutting people off randomly because in my head if I do it first they won't be able to do it to me C) crying for hours on end D) avoidance tendencies especially if there's conflict. Again, it's a difficult one to deal with, I've learnt now that cutting people off is obviously a very hurtful thing to do and it can cause alot of pain unnecessarily and the best thing is to communicate to the other people. However I can't say that I still don't struggle with the fact that the little things/body language gets to me and I think really therapy will be my best bet (if I get one) -- that's a long para so I'll stop it there but I hope that helps x

ALL THE DAMN TIME! Even with autism (I have ASD and ADHD) and people will tell me "everyone's on the spectrum" and I think especially cause ADHD traits do overlap with anxiety and depression whenever I'd complain they would be like "it's just anxiety/depression" (obviously that's also downplaying the effects anxiety/depression has on people which is also a huge problem) so yh it's very annoying and such a prevalent message and I hate it so much because it downplays issues ND people face daily and almost seems like an excuse not to give someone help -- Also I can rant about the whole "high functioning" labels but that would take 3 blog posts those labels suck so much

currently for exams I get extra time, rest breaks, and I do my exams in a separate environment so I don't get stressed out by the huge crowd. However, for my day to day help isn't really prevalent and I think that's mainly cause of the fact that despite there being a department at my schl for people with disabilities the staff there aren't trained (not saying they're bad/not nice) so it's a bit extra awkward to try open up about ND struggles and there's limited help they can give us

There's obviously more and my experience is probably alot different to others but I'm so happy that you want to make a change in this field and I really appreciate you asking questions and being interested you're going to be awesome in your career <3

[not-poignant]

I just want to thank you for writing FFS. As someone with a lot of trauma hangups (and is coincidentally american which means therapy is often out of my reach), this story has done so much to help me understand myself. Most importantly it's given me a view of a healthy, intimate, sensual asexual relationship is like. For a long time I've internalized the idea that nonsexual relationships were lacking or not as worthy, and having an ace writer write ace intimacy is... enlightening. So thank you.

Hi hi,

I ended up going on a ramble about how much mental health sucks just about everywhere so I'm putting the rest of this under a cut/read more.

Therapy is so hard for so many people to access, and it really sucks, and I'm so sorry. Even here, the majority of people don't have private health insurance because of socialised welfare, but socialised welfare doesn't cover dental and it doesn't cover mental health, meaning that the vast majority of people have to pay $200-650 outright per session (psychologists at the lower end and psychiatrists at the upper end) to access therapy at all. Accessibility is a huge issue, because almost no one can afford private health insurance since here it's not offered through your workplace, and you can't get it through a 'family plan' offered by a work place 99.9999% of the time. Even working through the government doesn't entitle someone to access to private health cover of any kind.

And it's not a problem if you have cancer or need surgery - those things will be treated for free, which is incredible and amazing and frankly should be the norm. But if you have mental health issues, you're just really fucked (there is a plan which lets you access discounted sessions, but the discount often still leaves you hugely out of pocket, and it only lasts a limited amount each year, so if you need weekly therapy for a year - which is not that abnormal for serious anxiety or depression - you're screwed).

It's the ugly side of socialised welfare that doesn't cover mental health or mental health treatments. Almost all of my disability pension goes towards therapy appointments, and anything leftover goes towards food. Everything else (i.e. writing income) goes towards living in this house, clothing, food, and other medical bills when they come up. Together with their powers combined, I still don't make the equivalent of a yearly minimum salary/wage in Australia.

Anyway, a long ramble, but the USA is sadly just one of over a hundred countries that makes it incredibly hard to access therapy and mental healthcare. :( It kind of sucks, especially in a world with the pandemic basically being a global trauma and increasing mental illness/es everywhere.

I thought it was important to shine a light on how things can be even in countries with 'free healthcare.' It's never really free for mental health in most places. And it's worse in some. The USA at least believes in and treats adult ADHD for example (though the cost is prohibitive and they make it as hard as possible), there are plenty of countries in Europe that don't even believe in adult ADHD and millions of people who will never - even with access to therapy (which most don't have) - get access to ADHD meds as a result. Having to leave your country just to get diagnosed and still not having access to meds is like... :( But the USA making all health so prohibitively expensive is frankly evil and borderline 'let's just kill all the poor people who happen to be overwhelmingly queer, POC or disabled.' The fascism burns.

In light of all of that, my story is such a tiny drop in an ocean. I'm glad it could give you something of (fictional, wish-fulfilment) therapy. It's not often like that, but I think it's close enough that people who've had therapy have recognised something useful in it, so I'm glad it could offer something.

As to the ace representation, that matters to me a lot. There's definitely so many different ways to be ace, and have ace relationships, they can be as flexible and as different as all the allonormative relationships. Arden and Efnisien having their sort of 'ace + allo person in an open relationship' works well. There are people who are monogamous and ace and ace, or more commonly, people who are monogamous and ace + allo (with many aces who just...have sex anyway, even if they don't really care about it). There are so many permutations.

And each relationship can have whatever shape works best for the people inside that relationship. It can be so hard to realise that if you've only ever been exposed to stereotypes, tropes, and never ever see yourself get represented. It took me years to unpack some of the things I'd been conditioned to believe about relationships, and much longer than I think the average person, because of the pressure media and society put on ace people to a) have sex and b) think a romantic (or aromantic) relationship with sex is more fulfilling than a romantic (or aromantic) relationship without one. Which happens to be complete and utter fucking bullshit.

But it's a long, long shadow that takes forever to unpack, and the oppression created by it can be crippling in interpersonal relationships.

Nonsexual relationships of any kind are 100% worthy, as worthy as any other kind of relationship. They deserve to have hundreds (and thousands) of television shows and movies made about them, including romantic ones. They deserve cartoons and anime and songs. We deserve to be seen regularly and often, in different permutations in different kinds of ways.

It's bigotry that stops that from happening, but hopefully as time passes, we get more and more representation. In the meantime, I'm glad AO3 is a great place to put an extremely long story about how sensual ace love is just as valid, and a nonsexual relationship is as loving as any sexual one. :)

(And I am very sorry for the lack of access to mental health assistance. I will add that while it might not be accessible, telehealth has really opened up therapy for many people, and a partner of mine is seeing a psychologist in Romania for like $50 USD per session (with the conversion rate/s, it still works out quite well in Romania too). The downside is that psychologist's recommendations won't be recognised by doctors in Australia. The upside is it's very affordable comparatively speaking, and it might be worth looking outside of your country for online therapy, because while the pandemic sucks donkey balls, the one thing it actually did was open up global / international therapy across countries in a way that wasn't really possible before. Obvs even $50 USD a session might not be affordable, in which case your issue is global and not just USA, but...it's something to think of. I wouldn't have thought of it myself, if my partner hadn't started doing it. And they're getting a lot out of it).

#asks and answers #personal #falling falling stars #i don't really know how to tag this #basically mental health oppression and then ace oppression a little bit as well #i got really distracted by the big issues #and then talking too much about falling falling stars felt really weird after that #so i just couldn't #really do that much dsalkfjasfsda

[normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke]

I posted 3,660 times in 2022

899 posts created (25%)

2,761 posts reblogged (75%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke

@daughter-of-sapph0

@fandomfan315

@somethingusefulfromflorida

@genderfluid-and-confuzled

I tagged 1,650 of my posts in 2022

#ableism tw - 239 posts

#unreality tw - 36 posts

#religion tw - 32 posts

#christianity tw - 30 posts

#death tw - 26 posts

#do not reblog - 24 posts

#cfs - 22 posts

#abuse tw - 21 posts

#cripplepunk - 20 posts

#actually disabled - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#i'm on an antiviral‚ an antidepressant‚ a prescription nsaid‚ two allergy medicines‚ two vitamins‚ and a sedative-hypnotic sleep pill

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I wrote this article about my experiences with religion as a disabled person. I get a small commission (less than a cent) from each read but it adds up pretty quickly. Reblogging, reading, and sharing this article will directly put money in a disabled person's pocket without taking any out of yours!

683 notes - Posted November 8, 2022

#4

[Image ID: the handshake meme. One hand is labeled "cripplepunk" and the other is labeled "trendercore". Where they meet in the middle, the text reads "recognizing that pleasing the oppressor is not as important as the safety and happiness of the oppressed".]

Was trying to figure out why I vibed so much with trendercore as a cis disabled person and I figured it out

alternatively

See the full post

689 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

#3

while I was doing research on autism I found out that while social impairments exist from birth, they might not "fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities". The first time I had to interact with people daily was in high school and that's when all my social issues started. I've been doubting if I actually am autistic but like, there it is, the actual CDC having a counterpoint for the exact reason the autism clinic wouldn't diagnose me.

1,742 notes - Posted May 17, 2022

#2

I love you physically disabled people. I love you spoonies. I love you cripples. Iove you zebras. I love you wheelchair users. I love you cane users. I love you crutch users. I love you people with prosthetics. I love you service dog teams. I love you other mobility aid users. I love you chronically ill people. I love you terminally ill people. I love you people with skin differences. I love you people with limb differences. I love you people with facial differences. I love you people with autoimmune conditions. I love you people with gastrointestinal conditions. I love you people with heart conditions. I love you people with chronic pain. I love you people with chronic fatigue. I love you people who faint. I love you people who have seizures. I love you people with mental health problems on top of or because of your physical disability. I love you people with disabilities I don't know about or didn't mention.

7,328 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Filming people without their consent is a massive issue of not only privacy but ableism that's been going on for many years.

It started out with filming more visibly disabled people, like high support needs autistic people having meltdowns in public and (especially fat) disabled people literally just using mobility aids, but once that was deemed less acceptable it moved to other things. Filming people acting "weird" in public. Eating weird foods. Falling asleep in weird places. Wearing weird things. Stimming. You get the idea. It's no longer safe to be visibly weird in public and that's an issue for a lot of disabled people. I recently had to lay down on the floor of a department store because I had an ME crash while out shopping. Not only did I have to worry about the normal things like people coming up to ask me if I'm ok, I also had to worry about some video of me at my lowest point, when I'm suffering immensely, being shared around as "haha look at this weird bitch on the floor". It's upsetting. It's scary.

And then there's fakeclaiming. A fun trend where people will film us in public to "prove" there's some kind of huge epidemic of people faking disability. Spoiler alert: there is not. Most of the time the people they film are real disabled people who don't fit into the expected mold for disability, usually service dog teams or people who use mobility aids who don't "look sick". And you would think this trend would be some kind of abled nonsense, but it's not. It's often other disabled people doing the fakeclaiming. Yes, there are some times when it's obvious a service dog isn't trained properly, but other than that, it's damn near impossible to tell if someone is faking a disability, and you're much more likely to target a disabled person than a faker. I'd love to say this trend was new, but it's been going on since the days of "the people of walmart" where many of the people posted were fat mobility aid users, always with the assumption that they used it because they were too fat or lazy to move on their own. In fact, the image of a fat person in a mobility cart has become almost synonymous with "lazy". It's one of the things that drove me to get my own expensive power wheelchair, to avoid the judgmental stares in the grocery store when I was just trying to exist, to avoid the fear of public shame. Even now when I stand up from my chair to walk to the bathroom stall or reach something on a high shelf, I watch the corners of my vision for that telltale phone in the air. I feel like I'm never safe from the judgemental eye of the internet, even when I'm logged off, and I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels that way.

Tik Tok, YouTube, Instagram, these places are all great for disabled people, especially those of us without access to the outside world. But it's also become a source of great anxiety for anyone who's uncontrollably "weird", mostly disabled people. Leave us alone, I'm begging you, we just want to go to the fucking grocery store in peace and safety.

Tl;dr

Stop filming people for "acting weird" or "faking a disability" in public. It's ableist, it's invasive, it's creepy, and it's humiliating. People don't exist in public for your amusement and especially not disabled people. You don't know who is disabled and who isn't no matter how many disabled people you've known or how sure you are that the person is faking.

27,223 notes - Posted July 15, 2022

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#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[positivelyadhd]

hi! this isnt an adhd thing but i genuinely have no idea where else to go - i think i might have bipolar disorder on top of all the other mental issues i have but im not sure, especially since i have adhd, autism, depression, *and* anxiety, it just feels like a bit Too Much but at the same time i know there's technically not much limit to this sort of thing- the symptoms do appear to match up though? i need help- what do i Do,

hi anon!

i'm sorry to hear you're going through this, dealing with mental illness is tough especially when you're dealing with comorbid symptoms as well. I'm not a doctor so I'm hesitant to say much more than that I strongly encourage you to speak to a doctor or mental health professional about your symptoms. they're the person that can help determine what you're going through and help you come up with some coping strategies.

it certainly is possible to have bipolar, autism, depression, anxiety and adhd a lot of these disorders are comorbid and so they're often found together. however there is also some overlap in symptoms of bipolar, autism and adhd which means it is possible to be having symptoms of bipolar from your autism/adhd rather than bipolar itself. again, talking to a mental health professional can help you work this out. they will have the tools and knowledge needed to work out if what you're experiencing is bipolar, adhd/autism or something else.

the only other thing i can suggest is to try and find self resources for the symptoms you're experiencing. you don't have to have a disorder to find coping mechanisms for it helpful, a lot of symptoms between mental illness' overlap and so many coping strategies can be effective for a range of different symptoms and disorders!

I can't point you towards anything specific since I don't know what it is that you're struggling with but searching things like "[symptom] self help/self care/management" can often help you find resources or communities of people with those symptoms sharing what they do! (or maybe anyone reading this may have some advice or resources?) obviously, be mindful that anyone can post anything online and so not everything can be reliable and different things work for different people but it can be a start!

as always, i am in no way a professional and this is just my opinion/what i would do in this situation! please take everything i say with a huge pinch of salt and obviously do what feels right to you!

#sorry this took a while to respond to anon! #i hope this could help a little! #mia gives advice #anon #opening letters

[the80srewinders]

Debunking Systemscringe

(I know its gonna be hard, especially with how contradictory they are, but this has to be done, and someone's gotta do it.)

Systemscringe: "You can't have other disorders and have DID/OSDD!"

Actually, you can, and its very common because of DID/OSDD developing from early childhood trauma. Personality disorders are also posttraumatic, and many people with DID have them. The most common co morbid disorder (besides ptsd) with DID/OSDD is borderline personality disorder. This is kind of expected because bpd and DID/OSDD are somewhat similar according to the theory of structural dissociation. People with DID/OSDD also are often born neurodivergent, usually autism and adhd, but because children with intellectual disability get abused (usually sexual abuse) at a high rate yet slip under the cracks in psychology and abuse awareness, theres definitely many people with intellectual disability and DID/OSDD studies havent acknowledged yet. People with DID/OSDD also have physical health issues caused by stress, some have more of these than others. For example, we have a weak immune system and digestive issues caused by stress. If someone says they have DID and then also lists a disorder salad, it might be true.

Systemscringe: "You can't have fictives/be fictive heavy!"

Yes, people with DID have been shown in a few case studies to have fictives. Science actually proves its possible. How DID/OSDD develop is proof enough fictives are possible; DID/OSDD develop from disorganized attachment (usually caused by abuse, always caused by trauma) the child needs comfort figures in times of trauma and stress, so if the child is into any media (especially if the child has autism) then that child will more than likely develop a fictive. Same applies to factives of celebrities and friends or positive family. If the DID/OSDD system is autistic, their chance of being fictive heavy is high because autistic people often engross themselves in fiction and thats where theyll find comfort in, thus developing fictives under stress or trauma.

Systemscringe: "Littles aren't supposed to be treated like children because youre all different parts of one person."

Littles function on the level of a child and often have the internal appearance of a child. They are often trauma holders of what happened to the body around that age, stuck in trauma time parts with that probably explaining their age, and often are just like actual children. They can get triggered by mature topics especially when theyre trauma holders of sexual or severe verbal abuse trauma and have the mental functioning of a child. Treat littles like children not because theyre "innocent little trauma free parts that need to stay clean uwu" but because they probably hold trauma and are on the level of a small child. You wouldn't trigger a singlet child who just got called a slur, its the same thing.

Systemscringe: "You can't have 100+ alters!"

Uhm, we're standing right here? We have 100+ alters. Its not something we enjoy, especially me the host, I am working toward integration of the alters who agreed to it. Us systems with 100+ alters often have more fragments than defined full fledged "personalities" because alters require enough life experience and fronting to develop a full fledged identity. Systems with 100+ alters usually went through trauma that was too severe for them or continuously traumatized even into adulthood. There's documented cases of 100+ alters. RAMCOA survivors with DID tend to have 100+ alters. Which leads me to my next systemscringe myth...

Systemscringe: "RAMCOA isn't real!"

Again, we're standing right here? RAMCOA is real. It's not the satanic panic shit. RAMCOA is a term for ritual/religious abuse, mind control and organized abuse. All three of these have broad meanings, which means RAMCOA is more common than you think and many people have been through RAMCOA that don't consider it such because they only know misinformation and stereotypes about it. Being verbally abused or shamed frequently by the church is religious abuse, being forced to conform to a cult (satanic ritual abuse and sexual abuse by a cult not included) can be ritual abuse and being abused by one or more teachers and principals at an elementary school is organized abuse for example. RAMCOA isn't always the dramatic sacrifices and being sold from stranger to stranger without knowing your own parents. We're survivors of domestic sex trafficking; the body was sexually abused for the sexual abuser's drug money and there was more than one person involved besides the only one who sexually abused and programmed us. The abuser lived with us. A lot of people haven't heard of domestic sex trafficking because society is so focused on the child sex trade and children being kidnapped and sold to sex trafficking rings. Survivors like us fall into the cracks. I could and will write a different post on RAMCOA since we're a survivor of it and have a lot to say about it but I'll keep it at that for now.

Systemscringe: "You can't have dyed hair and listen to alt/emo/indie and dress like an eboy or you're faking!"

How someone dresses doesn't mean they're faking. We wear wigs, fake hair clips, and even use temporary dye on our hair, we listen to almost exclusively classic rock from the 70s and 80s (including the "emo" bands like Depeche Mode and The Cure) and different alters have different styles. We don't exactly fall into the eboy or egirl aesthetic but some of us come close. We're definitely not faking. We have a professional diagnosis that has been validated by every psychologist we've seen since diagnosis, and the differences that show DID are there in our brain scans. We've even had the brain waves associated with dissociation spotted on an EEG before we even knew what DID was or that we have it. Dissociation actually is associated with different brain waves and I can find the study about it.

There's more myths they've made, but I'll leave it at that for now.

#dissociative identity disorder #actually dissociative #other specified dissociative disorder #osddid #syscourse #endo neutral #maybe anti endo #systemscringe

[bingusfound]

Thursday, January 18th

Sorry for the long gap between entries. The last couple of days have shown that I’m either pretty busy or the slowest worker in the damn world, and being that it has been only a little more than a full week of the new semester, I think I know which one it is.

 I only had one class today anyway, “The Psychology of Diversity”. Call me a pansy (I won't deny it), but I like learning about that type of stuff because I like learning about human social behavior. How ironic. Something that peaked my interest though was that my professor said there were no substantial biological differences between males and females, which I definitely see as true since socialization plays a big role in the stigma between sexes, but I still question whether those slither of differences are still enough to classify one sex being better superior to all the others, especially when you compare it to stuff like DNA where small differences in genetic information matter.

I don't like the generalized implication that differences between groups of people don't exist, not only just systemically or interpersonally, but biologically. I don't know if this can be applied to incredibly sensitive issues like race, ethnicity, sex, gender, or even stuff like sexuality, education, and economic class, and it's neither in my knowledge nor courtesy to talk about those things unless they directly pertain to me. But for the less serious, therefore under-discussed aspects like neurodivergence, physical and mental health, ableness, age, physical appearance, life experiences, etc., there are most definitely significant differences that cannot be overlooked.

Take my meta-ethnic identity versus my neurodevelopmental disorder. I am Hispanic and Latinx, and my family identifies and participates within that culture. That's something that doesn't make me biologically distinct from other ethnic groups. But me having Inattentive ADHD is different. It is a disorder, and although I am not ashamed of it, I am aware that it does hinder me from learning or staying focused. Many people with it are just as smart as neurotypical people, but I think people like me shouldn't be misled into thinking they learn the same as non-ADHD people. From personal experience, ignoring those differences surely doesn't make them go away.

I think people who are truly devoted to inclusiveness need to realize that despite the massive overlap between people from different groups and identities, we are all different people with varying levels of ability, life experience, and cognition. That corny fence-baseball game metaphor, whatever it's called, liberals love to bring up for equality versus equity is surely correct, but I am sometimes reminded that old habits die hard when those same liberals seem to put individuals into boxes of attentiveness and systematic care for the sake of "fairness" when really, people are so complex that each individual needs more accommodation into a certain area more than others, even within the same group.

There’s a reason why I’m passionate about this topic, and it’s something personal, but I have schoolwork that needs to be slowly worked on and take all night to do, so I’ll just save that for some other time.

#diary #journal #diary entry