The Pondering Jemelee
Salutations! I am Jemelee, the author of this blog, a 21-year-old college student full of wonders and ponders that may conquer the world. Or may not. I created this blog during my midterms week, inside my dorm, in the busy city of Manila, for the purpose of…writing. Just writing. About all the things that go […]The Pondering Jemelee
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Still not fully recovered.
I really don't wanna have to go back to the ER or get another clean out. I am trying so hard to do everything I can to heal and I'm still hurting. I just wanna be better.
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yearly roundup for 2023!
I would say this year has probably been... a net positive? it's been my first full year working a job that I genuinely enjoy and hoooooly fucking shit, gang, I cannot overstate what a difference it has made to my mental health to not be full of misery and boredom for forty hours a week + commute. I've been covering some pretty intense emotional shit in therapy this year and now I have energy freed up from the aforementioned reduction in misery + commute, I feel like I've actually been able to make some good progress. I went to my first pride (it rained all day but was still fun), I got a lot more confident driving long distances, and I gave myself the blonde-red ombré hair that my ten year old self dreamed of (and by dreamed of I mean: gave to all my self insert OCs). the husband and I finally got around to changing our surname to our new married name (only five years late 😬) and we got matching little jaybird tattoos to celebrate. I've had some struggles with body stuff this year, both health and weight related, but I have been brave, put on my big girl panties, and done my best to fight them off 💪 also, though not pictured here, I now have a nose piercing... fingers crossed it lasts longer than either of my eyebrow piercings.
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When somebody only uses my chosen name while putting me down, it kind of makes me wish I didn't have a name at all.
And when somebody only uses my pronouns when they try to coerce me into something, then switch back to they/them when talking about me to anybody else, it kind of makes me uncomfortable af.
I sincerely do not enjoy being labeled or referred to. Being referred to is such a negative experience for me irl.
Yet not giving people a set of name/pronouns when they ask automatically seems to make them think you're secretly a serial killer trying to cover up something?????? Or like you're untrustworthy and must be hiding because you're a Bad Person instead of just not wanting to label yourself.
Can I just please not be forced to label myself for everybody else's comfort?
I feel like that information is so personally intimate anyways like unless you know me and we're close, why do you even care? I don't think it's necessary for the first stages of getting to know somebody even though in this culture we've normalized it to be that way.
Plus if I don't give you a name then I have the opportunity to earn one. Give me a name that you think I deserve and let it be what you honor me by instead! How about that? It's probably the only way I'll be comfortably perceived since some people will change my labels as they see fit regardless. Just call me what you like, I feel like my name/pronouns have been corrupted as is
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(Watching Dear Sigmund) this conversation between Frank and Sidney is the most interesting 5 minutes of the show
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Article: The Luxury of Dread: Feelings about Climate Collapse
The Luxury of Dread: Feelings about Climate Collapse
In my latest article for Unsustainable Magazine, I unapologetically brought my academic research on affect to bear on our current climate emergency. I hope it contributes to the discussion of how we react to the climate apocalypse in a good way.
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yes you reblog the haha funny "you are not immune to propaganda" memes but do you ever actually question information or do you just blindly believe the latest cropped screenshot of a headline from antisemitic sources?
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Empty Space
There is an empty spaceA church upon a hillWhere souls of the drawingEach morning come to fill There is an empty silenceFound in the space thereWhere souls of the praisingFill with humble prayer There is an emptyingWill of acquiescenceWith grace of the fillingTheir presence with Presence There is an empty voidIn this world out thereWhere […]Empty Space
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Meantime Lyrics [MMXXIV (EP)]
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Meantime Lyrics
Down in the deep end
Underground
Venus in the Underground
100 round
Buy the Block
By the Book
By the pound
That’s my bup
That’s my crown
Golden spoons
I can’t stop my goons
Yours they down
But they only down
In the meantime
But mine
Down
Down for Mean Time
Down
Down for Mean time
Down
Down for Mean Time
I want my n*gga…
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