#either super depressing or overwhelming or just. I dunno.

[apeculiarartist]

.

#dontreblogthis #apeculiarpost #hhhhh fuck my anxiety and stuff is through the roof I'm so close to crying rn and I can't. do that. #first the near crash with that one semi then the rest of the semis on the road then naddy then everything in discord is suddenly just #either super depressing or overwhelming or just. I dunno. #I feel like an awful person I just make everyone worry tbh skdjdkfk I'm not worth anyone's time let alone actually being worried abt

[satsuma-saturn]

Ive been feeling down could you do some satan comfort? Like im just so overwhelmed and when im like this i either get mad or depressed.

I Am Not A Robot - Satan x Reader

A/N: Dude, I feel you on the being overwhelmed bit. I didn’t really know what route to take this, but I know when I’m laying awake at night, my mind wanders. I was listening to Call Me Kevin videos while writing this and almost wrote in random words that he was saying and that wouldn’t make any actual sense in the fic 💀 I also prolly should’ve waited to write this, since it’s super late and I just want to sleep, but I did want to get this posted, or else it was gonna take awhile before I got to it. Anyway, hope you enjoy, Anon! If it’s not up to your standards, feel free to shoot me a message. I could’ve gone a little more in depth about the reader’s thoughts and feelings, but I just wanted to keep it short and sweet.

WC: 1007

Warning(s): Idk, just general depression ig? Nothing specific tho

Another sleepless night. Moonlight peeked through the curtains, illuminating your face and dark circles. You hadn’t had decent sleep in...well, you couldn’t remember. Staying awake all night left you alone with your thoughts, consuming you. You sat up, running shaky fingers through your unbrushed locks. Your hands slid down from your head, down your face as you groaned. Maybe you needed to do something to take your mind off of the thoughts invading your mind. The library, maybe? Delving into a land of fantasy didn’t sound like a bad way to distract yourself.

Swinging your legs over your bed, you stood up, stretching. With a quick glance at the clock, it was some time after two, you strode out into the hall, shutting your door behind you. You walked down the hall, past the brothers’ rooms. As you passed Leviathan’s room, you could hear some tune from some game, probably. He needed to sleep, but you would be a hypocrite to say anything. None of the other brothers seemed active, though, which didn’t surprise you. They had normal sleeping schedules.

Finally approaching the library, you saw a dim light flooding under the door. Someone probably forgot to turn off all of the lights, the culprit most likely being Satan, since he was the one most often in the library. There was no way he hasn’t read all of the books in the library, being alive as long as he has, yet he was still always in there, reading. He even went in there to read when he was reading ebooks. You found yourself joining him often, trying to hide your little crush on him. With a small sigh, you pushed open the door, you stepped inside, not noticing that you weren’t alone. In fact, you didn’t notice until you heard someone clearing their throat. You jumped, startled by the noise.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” It was Satan. He was curled up in a chair, a book propped open in his hands. His eyebrows were high on his forehead as he stared at you, waiting for your response.

“I…” You weren’t sure how to respond. Because you were human, unlike the brothers, they tended to get pissy when you weren’t taking care of yourself. “I could say the same to you, Satan. Why are you in the library so late at night?” Your arms cross over your chest as you wait, pleased with yourself for turning it back on him.

Chuckling he shut his book, setting it on the coffee table in front of his chair. He stood up, striding over to you. “I have an eternity to sleep. You have around a hundred years, give or take a few. Copying your actions, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Again I’ll ask, shouldn’t you be asleep?” Cyan eyes, illuminated by the dim lamp light, bored into your soul as he waited for you to respond. A small, smug grin ghosted his face, as he knew you couldn’t retort.

You sighed, flopping into the nearest armchair. “I couldn’t sleep. Trust me, I’ve been trying for hours. I just...I dunno, I guess I just have a lot on my mind. I thought I’d come here to find some book to read, try to take my mind off of things. I didn’t really expect to come across you here. I thought you were asleep.”

He was silent for a moment, appearing to be lost in thought. “Well, I am here. I couldn’t sleep either, but I don’t technically need it to live. Did you know that it only takes three days of not sleeping for a human to begin hallucinating? The human body will shut down at some point, forcing sleep.”

“I sleep at night, just not very long,” you retorted, not wanting to be lectured about sleep.

“I’m just saying,” Satan said, raising his hands in defense. “Look, if you’re not going to sleep, you may as well come sit with me.” He sat back down, choosing to sit on a couch, instead of the arm chair he’d previously been sitting in. “Come sit over here.” His hand rested on the space directly next to him. You got off the arm chair, taking a spot near him on the couch. It wasn’t quite where he was indicating for you to sit, but your heart might have exploded out of your chest if you sat that close. Since you didn’t sit next to him, he apparently made the decision to sit next to you, as he scooted over stopping when his thigh was touching yours. “What? You don’t wanna sit next to me?”

When he was next to you, you made the bold decision to rest your head on his lap. He didn’t attempt to make you move, so you figured it was alright. “No, I do want to sit next to you. I just sat down here.”

Satan grunted in response, his nimble fingers finding purchase in your hair. “When was the last time you washed your hair?” He asked, rubbing circles into your scalp. “I suppose it doesn’t matter,” he said, not giving you a chance to answer. “You can worry about that later. It’s clear you need some comfort, and lecturing you won’t help. Just...just try to get some sleep, okay? You are far from well rested and humans need proper sleep to function.”

“Okay,” was all you replied with, closing your eyes. You weren’t ready to fall asleep yet, but his fingers against your scalp felt nice, soothing.

“No matter what’s going on in that little human brain of yours, your health is of utmost importance. You have to take care of yourself.” His breath tickled your hair as he leaned down to place a kiss on your forehead. “You aren’t a robot. A simple reboot won’t fix you and I can’t fix you. I can only stand in your corner and be here to comfort you when you need it. Now, get some sleep, or I’ll get Belphegor to help you sleep.”

#obey me #swd #obey me x reader #swd obey me #shall we date #shall we date obey me #obey me satan #obey me satan x reader #obey me fluff #mild angst #mentions of depression and insomnia #request #answered #anon request

[musclesandhammering]

Word vomit about BBC Sherlock’s drug problem...

I think I’m one of the only people in this fandom that interprets the whole drug situation this way, and I haven’t watched in awhile so all of my facts are from hazy memory... but it seems that a lot of people on here think that either Sherlock never had THAT serious of a drug problem until the whole falling out with John debacle OR that he DID but only because he used drugs as sort of balm for lack of mental stimulation (ie before he became a detective or when he didn’t have any cases). I completely disagree.

I could be so off, but the way I see it, when you strip away all the detective stuff and all the John and Mary drama and just think of him as an individual person, Sherlock is someone who struggles with a lot of deep issues (depression, trauma, lonliness, anxiety, lack of self worth, and so on and so on) and has for quite awhile, and when he was younger (probably around college age) he began “experimenting” with drugs and discovered that they took the edge off of some of those problems (as many college kids do, let’s be real). Having a bit of social anxiety? Smoke some pot and you’ll be fine. Bored and lonely on a Saturday night with nothing to occupy your giant brain? Do a few lines of coke, you’ll feel great. Lying awake at night wondering what’s wrong with you and why no one likes you and why you can’t go to sleep and instead are analysing the ceiling tiles because you just can’t. turn. your. mind. off? Shoot up some heroine and all that goes away. See what I’m saying?

So in a way... not all that different than most other addicts. It’s not because he likes to “enhance his focus” for cases. It’s not because he likes to “test the affects different narcotics have on his thought process” even though that’s surely what he tells John or Lestrade or whoever asks. He just has problems he doesn’t know how to deal with, and uses drugs to help cope. And then, of course, his body gets addicted and it’s near impossible to stop.

The thing, though, is that judging by the interactions I recall seeing in the show whenever he had a drug episode, it seems that everyone around him genuinely believes that he’s in a category of his own, and while yes, he does have an addiction problem, they seem to think it stems from the fact that he GETS BORED when he doesn’t have a case. They honestly believe the drugs are a product of his lack of work, and not the other way around. The only person I’ve seen that honestly seems to GET IT is Mycroft, on that plane scene in TAB. When he’s talking about Sherlock’s addiction and how they’ve agreed on making a list, and how he use to find him in smack houses, etc. That’s real. Not the image of Super Brain that Uses Drugs to Further his Intellect that Sherlock puts out for everyone to see, but the real Sherlock who’s just a human with poor coping mechanisms.

Now that’s not to say that his Big Brain(TM) isn’t a large contributor to his addiction problem. In fact I think it heavily adds to his anxiety/depression/various other mental issues, which fuel his addiction. That line in TLD was very telling: “I can’t turn it off.” That’s what he says to Faith in reference to his deductive abilities. He says it’s like an engine racing out of control, and several times in the show we see him get overwhelmed by his own thought process. I think the fact that he often can’t control his own brain, that he can’t slow it down, that he can’t stop thinking and analysing and picking everything apart, that he can’t really ever relax or feel normal... that’s why he feels so isolated from everyone and that’s why he chose to experiment with illicit substances in the first place.

On a side note, I also think he did have a fairly significant problem pre-canon, and even in parts of pre-season 4 canon. No one can say for certain, but there are quite a few hints (I think) that would lead us to believe that he was an addict when he met Lestrade, and at some point got clean. And considering how young he looked in Mycroft’s flashback, he probably had gone to rehab/gotten clean/relapsed several times prior to this as well. Plus he obviously had some small relapses in seasons 1 and 2 (“Is your flat [clean]? All of it?”, danger nights) so we know this is an ongoing and serious problem for him. It’s not just an occasional thing, or a thing he does when he’s got nothing better to do. And despite not having any canonical evidence, I’m pretty confident that he struggles with cravings and temptation a lot more than he’d let on. He’s not staying clean because it hinders his job, he’s staying clean because it matters to him personally, and he’s proud of himself when goes awhile without relapsing.

I dunno though. Just my word vomit on a topic I’ve been semi-obsessed with lately. Please reply with your own headcanons. Does anyone agree with me? Probably not but thanks for scrolling.

#Sherlock #bbc Sherlock #druglock #Sherlock and drugs #Sherlock + drugs #addict sherlock #Sherlock meta #honestly will probably post more about this later #meta #Sherlock Holmes

[dantelionwishes]

HELLO FRIENDS!! I just wanted to thank everyone for the sudden amount of support I've gotten from my recent posts, and to say hi to the influx of new followers ive gotten!!!!!! DUNNO HOW U GOT HERE BUT I HOPE U ENJOY UR STAY !!!!!!

this is....not gonna be very happy or exciting text post from me, so id rather keep the other details under the cut if you don't want to read past me thanking everyone HAHAHA UHHHHHH BUT IF YOURE SEEING THIS FIRST HALF I JUST REALLY WANNA THANK U FOR BEING HERE!!!!!! MWAH!!

I would apologise, but hoNESTLY IM NOT COZ NGL ITS PRETTY UNDERSTANDABLE OF ME BUT LIKE?? I suppose its an important announcement with a twinge of apology for not being super active recently hhhhh

I have a huge backlog of asks and posts I haven't reblogged yet, and id like to apologise to those ppl waiting for me to respond and such but,,,,,,,,I'm not really in the best place rn!!! ive been posting via my queue (which is once or twice a day) and its because we’ve been hit with another devastating storm that really hit much much harder than last time. I actually lost electricity and water for a bit!! I still dont have water now, and have been using leftover pool water to try and get by and honestly we cant even cook food without water but gshdgghJGH ANYWAY!!! its left my country in a devastating state, and a lot of other problems surrounding my said shitty country is really affecting me and overwhelming me to a point that I can't function !!! online classes are kind of suspended until only today (coz of the storm) and I dont think I can even focus on that either, everything is really super overwhelming. quarantine still hits hard even at this point, and I also want to admit openly that its absolutely driving me insane. no, not because I wanna go out, but because of my family. I won't explain, but basically im near them 24/7 thanks to quarantine and have to walk on eggshells everyday aughhHHHHHHHH

OK IM SO SORRY FOR THE DEPRESSING POST BUT OH YOU KNOW.......I WANNA GO ON HERE AND JUST INTERACT WITH U GUYS BUT MY ENERGY IS REALLY JUST POOF RN AHSGJASHJA I want this place to be my happy place, and it should really be positive chaotic energy all around ykno!!!!! so uhm. yeah. JUST UHHHHH yeah a serious update on what's going on.......thanks for reading :^)))))

#I spek #ITS....REALLY SERIOUS ALRIGHT #so you dont read if u dont want to okay? #THANKS GUYSSSSSS

[monstersandmaw]

Evening to ya, Ghosti✌️😆

Sorry if the wording sounds silly, but I wanted to ask if you know any rituals I could do for the New Years. 🤣 Christmas hasn't been exactly an easy time for me for various reasons and I tend to get the holiday blues pretty bad, and for a long old while New Years has felt very similar. I'm doing my best to feel hopeful and to have some faith for the new year, but it's turning out to be trickier than I anticipated. So I wanted to ask for suggestions as to do anything that could help feeling more hopeful, I dunno. :3

Though feel free to ignore this if you don't have the energy for it. I hope you had delightful holiday however you celebrated!!! 😊💖💖💖💖

Hey anon! (it’s now afternoon here in the UK, and it was morning when I started this! I got a bit carried away). I don’t know that I’m necessarily the right person to ask about this, but here are some ideas of things I’ve found helpful/centring/calming anyway which you could draw from. Other folks, please feel free to chime in with your favourite ways to put the old year to bed and welcome in the new one!

(first of all, I’m sending you lots of virtual ghostli hugs to help drive away those holiday blues. That sucks, and I’m so sorry it’s been so tough for you.)

Here’s a rundown of what’s below, and I’ll put in a ‘keep reading’ so that it’s not an incredibly long post! Some of it is more on the ‘spiritutal’ side of things, and others are just mundane and practical things.

Congratulate yourself on making it through the clusterfuck that was 2020

Make some tea and meditate on what’s been and what you wish for

Go outside, be still, and breathe deeply

Let go of negative events and thoughts by writing them down, then safely burning the paper

Disconnect from social media for a few days (or however long you’re comfortable with)

Start a bullet journal

Write lists of goals for 2021 and then refine/distill them down to 3 manageable objectives

Commit 100% to 6 months of positive change

Pick three dates/months in the year when good things will happen, and make them happen (including growing veg/fruit)

Light a candle on the full moon or New Year

Ok, so, first of all, you’ve made it through this year!! That’s no small accomplishment, given the sheer volume of absolute shite that has been flung at us from all angles, no matter where in the world you live. Celebrate that. Seriously, I’m not being flippant. Take a moment of stillness wherever you are, be ‘present’, and just think about the fact that you’re here, right now, reading this post. Not everyone is here any more for one reason or another, but you did it. Congratulate yourself and celebrate that. Treat yourself to a slice of cake (or something you really enjoy) specifically to celebrate making it through 2020.

Make a cup of tea (try a new blend or recipe perhaps, or stick with your absolute favourite), or make a comforting drink of your choice. As you pour the water into the cup, breathe in the steam and enjoy the scent of it. Try and imbue all the positive things - memories, achievements, moments etc. - that you encountered this year into the tea/drink, and think about them growing in strength as the tea steeps, and envisage them continuing on to next year too. When you drink the tea, you take the positive thoughts into yourself and they become a part of you. You could try it in the morning with a caffeinated drink (if you enjoy those) and let it fuel you for the day, or you could try a herbal tea at night to let the good vibes steep overnight while you rest. Make it part of your daily routine; a private meditation.

Go outside and find a quiet spot somewhere and either stand or sit and just soak up the atmosphere. If there’s a tree nearby, think about the way its roots are planted in the earth, its trunk stands tall, and its branches reach towards the sky. Feel that space inside you. Breathe deeply in and out, visualising your lungs filling to the deepest parts, starting at the bottom. Count to four for each inhale, and six out (or whatever you’re comfortable with, so long as the exhale is longer than the inhale). This will help to still you and calm you.

If you have something fireproof (can just be a ceramic bowl), take a piece of paper and make a moment to write down all the negative things about this year, using a pen that you’re comfortable with. If you’re not one for words, draw pictures. You can make it really beautiful or just scribble it all down - it doesn’t matter. Get that shit out. Look at it for a while and read it through, mentally letting go of each thing as your eyes pass over it, then light one corner (carefully!!!) and let it burn somewhere with good ventilation (a cooker hood is good for that, but outside is better). Visualise all that negativity being swallowed by the universe and let it go. My favourite line from the Seamus Heaney translation of Beowulf comes at Beowulf’s funeral when a Geat woman is singing her grief at his passing to the sky, and there’s the simple sentence: “Heaven swallowed the smoke.” How beautiful is that? The sky swallowed up her grief as she poured it out to the universe. The negativity might take some time to vanish from your life (it’s not going to disappear at the same time as the paper, sadly!), but watching it go can be the first stage of letting things go. I did this last year, and I’m only just letting go of the last things on that list, but it was a start, and it made me feel more at peace. 

Disconnect from social media. I know that with so much more happening online this year out of necessity, we’ve become even more dependant on our phones and computers, and it’s wonderful that we have this chance to connect with people when we can’t see them face to face, but social media can also act as a crucible for negative feelings. People usually post the best or the worst aspects of what’s going on for them or what they care about, so it leads to a skewed view of both the world and of what’s going on amongst our connections. It’s easy to start feeling insignificant next to someone else because of their achievements or their looks etc. and it’s also easy to start to get a bleak outlook when the news is full of terrible stories and people are reacting to it in a volatile and often knee-jerk way. Take some time off - uninstall the apps, or put the limiter setting on, or just step back - for a day, two days, a week, whatever you’re comfortable with. It doesn’t have to be forever. If you use those platforms to talk to people, tell them what you’re doing, and give them another way to reach you if they need. No need to isolate yourself completely!! Think about how you felt before you started it (write it down?) and do the same afterwards, and compare. If it didn’t work for you, then that’s fine too. 

Start a bullet journal! Now is the perfect time to start bullet journaling. I first started this year when I felt like time was slipping through my fingers and my life was out of my control, and it’s really helped me to get a sense of order back. It’s not the magic cure-all for procrastinators and time wasters, trust me, but it can help to organise your mind as well as your day, and keep track of your habits etc. It can be literally whatever tool you need it to be. There’s a trend on social media - particularly Instagram and YouTube - that shows off these gorgeous journals that are basically works of art in themselves, and while it’s absolutely fine to aspire to that if you want to, the essential point of the bullet journal is to be a tool. You can buy print-outs from Etsy if you don’t fancy doing your own spreads. But don’t get completely hung up on pretty spreads and layouts because you won’t use it fully then. If you’ve got ‘new book fear’, like I did, make your own! I literally started my journaling by folding a few pieces of paper over, slapping a few stickers on them to cheer them up, and writing some lists. I didn’t buy a ‘proper’ journal until July 2020 when I’d got the hang of what I wanted out of the tool, and how to use it. I adapted one or two things, and I’ll be changing one or two things for next year, but it was a good way to start.

Here are two ‘minimalist’ journals and styles that I found helpful when setting mine up. They focus on usefulness and practicality, rather than overwhelming, artistic spreads and cutesy designs. I’m about to do a ‘plan with me 2021’ journal video for YouTube, so I’ll put that up when I’ve finished it, in case that’s helpful. 

Elsa Rhae

Pick Up Limes

Write down the things you want to achieve for 2021. These can be more abstract concepts like ‘more organised’ ‘healthier’ ‘start a business’ etc. Then, when you’ve got as many things as you’d ideally love to achieve/accomplish/manifest (don’t hold back at that stage), take another piece of paper and choose a maximum of six from that first lot to focus on, and below that, choose just three absolutely essential things to focus on. Make those your things for 2021.  

Now, this one is a personal one for me, so it may not be applicable at all to you/others, but I’ll share it anyway. For me, I need to make some significant lifestyle changes for my physical and mental health. So, I’ve decided to commit to 6 months of really hard work to bring about those changes. Time is going to pass anyway, from January to June. Six months will come and go anyway. Where will I be in six months’ time? I could be physically and mentally exactly where I am today. That thought is super depressing to me. Or, I could devote 200% focus, commitment, and energy, and bring about those changes, and be the ‘me’ I want to be in six months’ time.

It’s like the adage of ‘given a week to write a speech, it will take you a week, but given a day to write the same speech, it will take you a day’ - your brain will tell you it takes the amount of time that you have at hand to accomplish the task, and that’s simply how long it then takes. Use those three things from the 2021 list above, and commit to making those three things happen.

As an aside, tell someone (whose opinions you value) that you’re going to do this. By telling someone, you’re helping to cement the idea in reality, and you’ve got a support to turn to if it gets rocky, someone to cheer you on, and someone to celebrate with who knew what a struggle and commitment this was to you in the first place. 

Pick three points in the year where good things will happen. Book yourself something nice, save up for something and have it delivered then, or tell yourself that you will have achieved [x] by May, or September, or December. For me, it’s a working draft of my novel, and certain health goals by October, but make it yours, and keep those points fixed in your mind. It will help 2021 not to be one amorphous mass of time, and will give it structure and form. You could also choose to grow something in a pot - lots of vegetables can be grown cheaply from seed in a pot on a windowsill, and you’ll have something tasty to eat at the end of it!!

Here’s a slightly gentler idea to finish with: 

On New Year’s Eve take a moment to yourself, go outside if it’s not raining or too cold etc., light a candle, hold it (safely) in your hands, and be still. It doesn’t have to be exactly at midnight, but it will help your focus if it’s dark. Otherwise, go to a quiet part of the house and turn the lights down so that the candle flame is your focus. As before, think about what you’ve achieved this year, and be honest, not just negative! It’s very easy to say ‘oh I didn’t achieve anything, it all sucks, it was all awful’, when there will be tiny victories tucked away in there, I promise you, even if it was the toughest year of your life. Then think about where you are at the moment, mentally and physically. Acknowledge that state of being. Look at it with honest eyes. This moment is not for anyone else, so you don’t need to colour it one way or another. It’s for you. If you’re finding it hard not to be negative, be neutral. Let those thoughts come and go, and then turn your mind to the future. Mentally feed those negative thoughts into the flame in front of you, one at a time. Say it out loud if that helps, but do what makes you comfortable. Let the light from the flame fill your mind and your heart, and think about your intentions for the new year.  

Tonight (30th Dec) is a full moon, so if that is significant for you, you may wish to do this tonight instead of tomorrow. 

I hope that some of that gives you some inspiration, and I hope that people will chime in with their own new year’s rituals and habits. Be honest with yourself but not harsh, and be positive but not unrealistic. This year has been one hell of a ride, and we’re not done yet... Here in the UK, we’ve got the highest numbers of Covid that we’ve ever had, we’re in the harshest lock down (Tier 4) and can’t visit anyone, and we’re also going through Brexit (which is proving a nightmare for everyone, especially small businesses...).

Control the things you can control, and learn and employ systems to ride out the things that are beyond your influence. And take heart - you have a family of folks on here, all across the world!

#new year ritual #new year #resolutions #new year resolutions #rituals #ritual

[katacombzimmerman]

My brain has been hiding under a rock...

.... and it refuses to come out and let me enjoy anything.

As such I have had nothing to say and nothing to post about. DAMN YOU DEPRESSED BRAIN! I finally created a tumblr so I could share my thoughts and scream at others about my drama addiction and now you make me hit a drama slump. How dare you....

ANYWAY, I haven’t been able to keep up with anything as of late and my progress with watching dramas is slow as fuck. I’m still trying to finish Vigilantes in masks that I started like 3 months ago or somethin. 

But, since I can’t focus on anything I started in the last 3 months I’ve managed to side track into Jdramas. 

One because they tend to be much smaller series. 8 episodes or so. This is much less overwhelming than like the 40/60 something I’m used to. 

Two because it’s something new. Lots of Kdramas and Cdramas have the same vibe. Which isn’t a bad thing but it’s not catching the attention of depressed katacomb brain that craves new things because if we can’t find something new then automatically I’m somehow wasting my life and have no value or some shiz... heeeee...

So some recommendations if anyone wants to watch some Jdramas. (Assuming you read this far. If you did congrats. I love you for it.)

Recently I’ve watched, by way of recommendation or just seeing it in the recents of the drama7seas:

- Soroban Samurai

The story of a samurai who doubles as an accountant. Yes, an accountant. He’s pretty darn cool and he’s also something of a detective too. I’m pretty sure his role in life is basically a jack of all trades. The production leaves something to be desired in quality but it’s a wonderful story and I stayed for the characters. There’s 9 episodes and each story line is independent of each other told over the span of 3 episodes. So, 9 episodes = 3 storylines that have almost nothing to do with each other aside from the main character and a few side characters. If you want an over reaching storyline then this does not have one. But, I really enjoyed it cause it was simple and I have a thing for detectives. Not much for whump either. But It’s still a fun drama for the side lines.

- Shikaku Tantei Higurashi Tabito

More detectivish MCs. NOW this is a drama everyone should watch!! It has a movie (Which should be watched first but really only gives some character introductions, it’s not hugelly important to story line so you could skip it if you wished.) and a 9 episode series. The series is where it’s at tho! SOoo much whump and amazing found family and angst. I love the premise of this series. It was absolutely fascinating. I’ve always loved series that explore the different ways people with unique disabilities see the regular world or that the world appears differently to everyone in general. The MC was amazing. I loved him and his intensity but also goofy and traumatised self. The actor did any amazing job with this character. From the way he swayed during conversations while trying to keep peoples lips in view so he could read them since he’s deaf. It’s like they never forgot that he only had the sense of sight, literally nothing else. From the way he walked to the things he ate. it was all very well done. 10/10 would recommend.

And lastly, Meiji Kaika: Shinjuro Tanteicho

Oh look, another detective MC. Is anyone surprised? Not me. 

Though dunno if I recommend this one yet since I’ve only seen the first ep but I’ve been waiting for all 8 eps to be subbed and now they are. So, Imma binge this. Drama7seas says 2020 but I’m thinking not from the production. It looks hella old but I don’t pretend to know how film develops in Japan or if this is specific style or whatnot but I really like the rustic vibe to it. MC looks super cooky too and I like it.

Opening shot, is pretty and certainly a painting of somesort.

(I couldn’t get the bar at the bottom out of the way so sorry.)

What is he wearing around his neck? Anyone know????? Genuinely curious about this fashion choice. It’s not like most ties I’ve seen in historical type dramas.

I like him. He has a fun sense of style.

This has been my tumblr post for the month. I think. Maybe. Hopefully not. Maybe I’ll collect my thoughts somewhere along the to have an opinion on things or finish the dramas I’ve started.

#random bullshit #jdrama #recommendations

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Higurashi Gou Ep14

haha wow I love dying and being dead :’))) [and also being totally wrong about some of my theories]

Thoughts under the cut.

OK so i guess I was wrong about at least some of my theories of what went down in Tataridamashi, and Rena was actually being totally accurate about what happened, lol.

It’s still kind of ambiguous, though, and I don’t want to jump to too many conclusions about what might have happened. Like, it comes across like it was actually Ooishi who attacked Keiichi, but in that case it’d be kinda weird to have him show up at the festival first and then have Satoko show up several minutes later, when she ran out of the house during Keiichi and probably-not-Teppei’s fight scene. I wouldn’t be surprised if Ooishi had actually come from killing someone like Takano and Tomitake instead, but the fact that he was using a baseball bat is pretty specific, so I dunno.

Mostly I just don’t really know what motive Ooishi would have for killing Keiichi. At least with the festival murder spree you could argue that he just wanted to kill Rika, and everything else was just him trying to prevent anyone from getting in his way. But Keiichi got lured away from the festival on his own, so if Ooishi attacked him, he must have had a really good reason for it.

But they intentionally don’t really explain anything about what the fuck Ooishi was thinking or planning at that point, so who even knows what was going on with him. All we know is that, like with Mion in Watadamashi, he somehow became convinced that Rika was behind everything, and he also super obviously had gone full L5 by that point. The timing of it makes it seem like he got injected like what happened with Tomitake in the VNs, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d actually been going slowly L5 over the course of the arc, and something just pushed him over the edge.

In a lot of ways this makes Satoko seem even more suspicious, especially since it seems that she really did just run away from the house and go back to the festival, but I still don’t really like any theories to do with her being the new mastermind.

Anyway, it looks like we’re more or less in answer arc territory now, with the focus shifting to Rika’s POV as she begins actively trying to solve the mystery with a new set of abilities and clues at her disposal.

I still think that Gou will just be 24 episodes long, but Rika talking about giving herself a roadmap of five more loops before she gives up makes me wonder if they’re setting the stage for a second season. It’s entirely possible that she won’t actually go through five whole loops before the show ends, though, and maybe some of the next loops will only be an episode or two long. So it might not mean much.

If anything it kinda feels like we’re in a position where it’d be difficult to fill out an entire second season after this, but on the other hand it’s hard to imagine the story wrapping up with only ten more episodes. It’s possible that if we get a second season it’d only be one cour long, but I doubt it. Either way, I’m going to continue basing my theories around the assumption that we won’t get a second season, just to play it safe.

I’ve been wondering for ages how the sword is going to come up and play into the story, since it was the biggest question mark out of all the new stuff in Gou, and this episode sure laid that whole plot point out once and for all, lol. It almost felt kinda info-dump-y, but it’s still nice to finally have an idea of what the hell’s going on with it.

So basically the gist of it is that there was indeed a sword in the statue, and apparently it’s important because it has the ability to permanently end the life of someone with time travel powers. Rika needs to obtain the sword so she can somehow use it to put an end to these loops, but someone’s already stolen the sword, with a single shard of it being left behind inside the statue.

Sadly Hanyuu just peaced out before actually explaining much of anything to Rika, so it’s hard to tell exactly what her goal is meant to be here. I’m not even sure if we’re meant to think that Hanyuu was talking about the idea of there being a second looper that Rika needs to kill, or if she was just presenting it as a way for Rika to kill herself once and for all if she wants to. But in general it definitely feels like the story is setting up for the idea of there being a second looper who Rika has to discover the identity and motives of.

There’s still a lot of mysteries surrounding the sword, but this at least proves that Rika had nothing to do with it in the previous loops, and maybe didn’t even really know that it existed, or that there was anything special about it. It’s also noteworthy that in this new loop, the sword had already been stolen at the very start of the loop, which makes it more likely that it’s something that happens before the start of every loop. So I’m still going along with my theory that this implies that there’s some kind of fundamental ‘retcon’ going on with the history of the game board, where a third party has gone back and changed stuff in the past from before where Rika can loop back to.

Since this arc seems to be all from Rika’s POV now that we’re fully on her side of the story now, it just makes it increasingly more weird and suspicious that she’s continuing to do nothing about the whole Takano situation. She asked about Tomitake’s whereabouts at the festival, but that’s something she would have done in the VN before she found out about Takano being evil, so that doesn’t say much. But now that we’re fully in her POV, it’s more weird than ever to see her being completely despondent about the entire situation when she doesn’t seem to be doing anything about Takano.

I’m still not entirely convinced about it, but it really does feel like she doesn’t actually know about Takano being evil. It’s possible that she’s somehow already caught onto the idea that things are fundamentally different now and that Takano’s not the villain anymore, but I don’t think it’d actually make sense for her to reach that conclusion at this stage. That’s more of a meta thing for the audience to think about. It might still just be a bit of clunky writing where Ryukishi’s trying not to spoil or overwhelm new fans by having Rika start talking about endgame plot stuff from the VN, but at this point I think it’d just be hurting the story if that’s what’s going on.

Anyway, now that we know what the overall point of the sword is, it makes me wonder why someone other than Rika would have already stolen it. I guess it was probably just the hypothetical second looper who stole it, either to preemptively screw over Rika, or to use as a weapon against her. Though there’s still the fact that there haven’t really been any clues about the sword being used for anything in the story yet, so there’s not many clues to go off of to try and guess what happened to it.

Though it does make me wonder if maybe in Watadamashi, Takano found the shard of the sword in the statue when she went back to inspect the statue again. I don’t really know what she would have done with it, or even thought about it, though, even if she’s still evil like in the VN. Maybe she knows about the sword and it’s importance from studying Hinamizawa’s history and myths, but I dunno.

Also, at this point it almost feels like they’re fucking with us, with how blatant the Umineko tie-in stuff is getting, lol. Hanyuu chipping her horn as a result of giving Rika the extra ability to remember everything from each loop feels like a giant neon sign point toward her connection to Featherine. I also have to wonder if this new situation Rika’s stuck in is meant to be what Lambda was talking about when she referred to Rika’s master abandoning her within a logic error. That still might just refer to the VN’s version of events, but with Hanyuu chipping her horn here, it comes across like Ryukishi’s using Gou as a way to directly establish Bern’s whole backstory from Umineko, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the logic error stuff also refers to Gou’s loop, rather than the VN. And even though Hanyuu did in her own way push all the responsibility of solving the mystery to Rika in the VN, she did straight up disappear in this episode and leave Rika to solve things on her own, so there’s that.

The focus on Rika’s depression in this episode also gives me major Bernkastel vibes. Her talking about being completely alone, the crushing horror of always worrying that she’ll get dragged back into the endless hell of the loop, and saying that if she can’t solve the mystery in five more loops she’ll give up all hope, all feel like it’s in line with Bernkastel’s whole attitude in Umineko. Of course that would imply that Gou will end with Rika ‘losing’ and giving up hope, if this is really meant to set up for Umineko’s whole story, which would be really depressing, but at this point I wouldn’t be too surprised if Gou just straight up has a depressing ending like that.

With how much it feels like Gou is heading towards being a Bernkastel origin story of sorts, I still feel like it’d be really lame if this isn’t setting the stage for some kind of Umineko anime remake. People could just go back and read the Umineko VN after this, but that’d just make Gou feel kinda incomplete in and of itself. It’d make more sense if it leads into an Umineko anime remake afterward that can serve as an indirect sequel to Gou.

And since Gou also seems like it’s going to clarify the connection between Hanyuu and Featherine, with what happened in this episode, I’m still wondering if Gou will also end up getting into Lambda’s whole origin story. It’d feel kinda weird at this point not to have her be relevant to Gou, if they’re going this far to set things up with Bern and Featherine.

I still don’t know how I feel about the Satoko looper theory, but it’d make sense if we find out that Lambda has given her the blessing of certainty in this new loop, for some reason or another. I at least think the only real way to incorporate Lambda into Gou without being totally confusing and alienating to new fans would be to tie her to Satoko, one way or another.

I don’t think Gou would end up getting too deep into the witch stuff, but I’d be interested to see how it’d play out if the story really does end up revolving around Featherine, Bern, and Lambda. I still think that might be something that new fans would actually be more willing to go along with than old fans, lol. With how much it risks alienating old Higurashi fans who don’t like the idea of it getting blended too much with stuff from Umineko, it makes me hope that they’re going to go the whole nine yards with this, and that they’re setting up for a full Umineko anime remake. 

Anyway, I’m really curious to see how the rest of Gou is going to play out now that it looks like we’re following Rika’s POV now. I’m really curious to see if they can actually pull off a satisfying ending in just ten more episodes, since there seem to still be so many mysteries to solve at the moment, and Gou hasn’t even really touched upon the stuff with Takano and the GHD yet.

Though I actually think that if Gou has a really depressing and potentially inconclusive ending that sets up Bernkastel’s origin story and paves the way for Umineko, that might make it a lot easier for them to get to that point in just ten more episodes. It might piss a lot of people off, but maybe it’ll just end in an intentionally unresolved manner, with Rika completely losing hope and having her Bern persona split off into it’s own being that ascends into being a witch on the meta plane.

I know a lot of people don’t like the idea of this tying heavily into Umineko stuff, but with this sort of episode in particular it really feels like that’s where things are heading, lol. But we’ll see how it goes.

Also, even though this episode mostly just focused on Rika’s POV, I’m really intrigued by the hint toward Mion having access to the keys to the part of the school where the septic tank seems to be. That feels like a big hint toward the idea that she was the one who put Rika’s body there in Watadamashi, but I guess maybe anyone could have stolen the keys from the faculty office or something. It still feels like an intentional hint about that mystery from Watadamashi, though.

This episode also didn’t have the new ED yet, even though they’ve already announced it, so I guess they’re saving it for the next episode. At this point I think they’re only changing the ED, since I don’t think they’ve announced a new OP, and the OP’s visuals clearly relate to Gou’s story as a whole, and not just the first half.

I’m also still waiting to see if the rumored subtitle change happens at some point soon. It might end up being related to a hypothetical second season, but I still think we won’t get one.

#murasaki rambles #higurashi #higurashi gou #there's some real whiplash having this air in the same season as re:zero lmao

[divine-motion]

my rewrite of tmnt 2012 is turning more into “my fan iteration within the story of 2012 which i change a bit to suit my self-indulgence” (which it pretty much was from the start but hey) so i’m just gonna write down some General Stuff abt it like arcs and stuff

Tang Shen is alive but did get sliced by Shredder like when she dies in canon, so she has scars and Shredder believes her to be dead. Tang Shen also believes that Yoshi went and disappeared on her when he went to buy those turtles so, you know, rough couple of years for her w/ regards to thinking her infant daughter is dead, moving away from japan w/ her husband, and then her husband mutates into a rat and doesn’t tell her abt it. now she works as a robotics engineer at Stockman labs and while she’s still depressed she’s getting better, she likes her work, and she’s working on a certain nanobot project which is going good

(Nano is in this version but they instead are in an arcade cabinet that the turtles then bring to the Lair so that Nano has a family and they get to play with the turtles often. Happy end for Nano!)

Raph is the one who first meets Shen and Shen starts signing the adoption papers for the turtles

Splinter is pretty much the same as in 2012 but like, he gets confronted abt his shit instead of just being Flawless Wise Mentor, mainly by Michelangelo and then Shen when she meets him again. think he’s still gonna die but only once instead of. what. three times?

the turtles have known April for about three years since they went to the surface in secret and met a curious human girl. April quickly decided she has four brothers now and they agreed whole-heartedly

April’s parents are both alive btw and very good parents, though since “the Kraang want to kidnap April” isn’t a thing here they are both unaware of her mutant friends

April isn’t trained as a kunoichi and instead relies on her telepathic powers, which would grow at the same rate as the turtles become better fighters. i have a whole list of her powers and their limits - for example, tinfoil hats do work to keep your head protected from telepathy, much to everyone’s surprise. a metal pot also works, or a metal helmet. Shredder is unknowingly immune to it with his helmet always being on...

the brain worms serve a slightly bigger role, but they are instead creatures from Dimension X, a weak, telepathic parasite that crawls into people’s brains and controls them to keep the worm safe while it feeds on the person. they are what Kraang Prime mutated himself with to create the Kraang hivemind. they are also called “mind maggots” in Dimension X, “brain worms” is just what Stockman and Donnie started calling them when first discovered. removing a brain worm from a person without using telepathic powers can result in the person’s death or severe brain damage

also the Kraang are a more literal hivemind. if one of them sees you, they all see you. the turtles have to use all their ninja stealth to deal with them, and it’s always a risk because the Kraang can easily overwhelm them with how many of them there are

Kraang Prime is probably gonna be offed at the end of the “season 1 finale”, probably by Leatherhead. he deserves it. offing Prime also frees the Kraang hivemind from his control and the Utrom have their autonomy back. either that, or they manage to release the hivemind from his control another way, and it leaves Prime like weak and useless somehow. maybe by plucking off those weird crystals on his head, i dunno, still thinking abt it

oh Leatherhead! Leatherhead is a doctor for mutants, being a bit of a mix between his 2003 and 2012 self. he wants to help other mutants since he knows they’re victims of the Kraang too, however indirectly, and that they can’t exactly get medical help. mutants do have greater regenerative properties, but that’s only going to help you so far, and your bones might grow back wrong quicker. so, Leatherhead spent his years of freedom studying medicine and mutant biology, using stuff he stole from the Kraang during his first escape.

it would be a lot more focused on helping mutants in general. like, there would still be mutant villains that would be fought when needed, but Mikey and Donnie would put their feet down and try to offer the mutants help in settling into their new life. the turtles would also not be disgusted with mutants like they are in 2012 like jeez, dumbdotcomm really put it into words

anyways the Kraang would cease being a threat after “season 1″ and the truce Karai suggests between Foot and Hamato does happen. Splinter hates it and doesn’t trust it at all

Baxter Stockman has his own lab which is pretty successful, and he is an incredibly smart and eccentric guy with a bubbly personality - until you threaten him or talk down to him, at which point he shows himself to be calculating and ruthless, still with a smile on his face. he doesn’t pick up on sarcasm very well, though, and if you ask him to explain something, he will happily do so in great detail, whether you’re friend or foe. also, he doesn’t get mutated into a fly, and he doesn’t get turned into just a brain, either. he’s just a funky regular human guy

Timothy becomes The Badger in this version. he’s also treated better by the turtles, especially Mikey who takes it upon himself to train Timothy, partially bc Mikey wants to be a superhero but knows he can’t show his face. in fact, Timothy was inspired by Mikey specifically as he saw Mikey trying to be a costumed superhero at one point. when Timothy mutates, he becomes a human mutant like Hun and Ravenwood from IDW, so he can become like an actual superhero with powers

more female characters. like just in general more girls please. i beg of you.

Angel is Casey’s older sister who’s off at college as a STEM student, and she is also Nobody here bc i absolutely love that for her, IDW was galaxy brained when they did that. Alopex is her partner here too same as in IDW, and they jokingly call themselves “Batteries, the Double-A Crime Fighting Duo”. Angel is very much against Casey being a vigilante despite being one herself, but she’s an adult so it’s different, obviously

the turtles ask Alopex to be their teacher, too, especially since Raph notices that she fights using anger in a controlled way, and she is a bit surprised and slightly awkward about it but she accepts. Alopex is an arctic fox instead of a red fox here btw, though she has a summer coat most of the time and only gets white fur during winter.

April would also have an arc where she strives to understand her mutant side and powers better, so she would venture into Dimension X alone to find the Utrom, and learns about their society before and after Kraang. Rook and Queen (named Quin here bc Bishop isn’t a Utrom in this version, and Utrom don’t have a concept of queens and kings) would have bigger roles, as they would help April out with her powers and figuring out what being part Utrom/Kraang means for her identity.

Rook is also an alchemist/scientist who created mutagen in the first place, and Kraang was her assistant. this isn’t super important to April’s arc but i just thought it’d throw it out there

the brain worms/mind maggots would result in a City Fall arc i’ve decided. but it would be the only time mind control/brainwashing becomes a plot point in this series bc i think 2012 really overused that trope. like it was there with Splinter and the Rat King, with the parasite wasp mutant episode, and then again with the brain worms but like, several times over.

this also means that Karai doesn’t get the brain worms pumped into her brain. remember that scene where she’s hooked up to the machine and Shredder’s like “damn that shit sucks i’m sorry Hamato Yoshi’s doing this to you”?? that scene was pretty fucked up. anyways Karai has like. agency in her own arc this time

in the City Fall arc Splinter would die and at the end Karai kills Shredder, and Leo and Karai as new leaders of the clans would be like “alright this stupid fucking ancestral cycle of vengeance” ends here

Northampton time after that because it would be a Lot

after that i think it would be space arc time? it would start with the turtles being separated across dimensions and planets a bit like when SAINW happened, but without SAINW. like, Donnie would get to Neutrino (elves with crazy hair version), Leo would get to Usagi’s dimension, etc. etc.

also in case it wasn’t obvious Tang Shen will play a big role as the turtles’ Better parent and she’d have her own stuff to work through, like meeting her daughter she thought was dead and finding out her boss, Stockman, is evil, that her husband got turned into a rat, and that her new kids get into all kinds of dangerous trouble constantly

anyways that’s um. already quite the wall of text so i’ll shut up now ‘til i have more art to post, digital art this time so you can like. actually see what things look like.

#teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #tmnt 2012 #i just think tang shen should be alive and well! #lovi speaks

[wlw-in-space]

Little!Luthor Reader

Do you mind writing one where Little!Luthor starts to fall into a depressive slump? One where she starts ditching school and ignoring her friends. Kara notices the strange behavior when she catches LL skipping school. She tries to ask about it, but Little!Luthor shrugs it off. One night, Little!Luthor feels overwhelmed from negative emotions she has a break down in Kara’s bathroom when hanging out with her and Alex. They overhear and comfort her. Still, she refuses to tell Lena about the incident because she’s afraid of burdening Lena with her problems. Fed up, Kara and Alex stage an intervention where LL lets it slip that it’s not the first time she’s had a breakdown because of ongoing depression which only concerns the sisters more. In the end, Little!Luthor agrees to tell Lena about it, and when she does, she’s met with love and support.

requested by @qualitytrashtho

(this has taken me allll day but it was 1000% worth it)

warnings: depression, a lot of crying

Your best friend had just called you for the fifth time in a row and you were getting annoyed so you just decided to shut your phone off completely and focus on the tv that was playing in front of you.

“Why didn’t you answer?” Kara asked from her seat beside you on her couch.

“Didn’t feel like it,” You shrugged ending the conversation right there, or so you hoped.

“Yeah, but it might be something important. She wouldn’t be calling so much if it wasn’t important,” Kara pursed her lips and tried to stay quiet, not wanting to bother Lena or Alex who were also watching the movie.

“Please, she’s probably calling me to say that her crushed looked in her general direction,” You rolled your eyes and moved your phone to the coffee table, not wanting to think about it anymore. “It’s fine, just forget about it.”

—

“(Y/n)?” You heard a familiar voice call your name and winced before you turned around to face Kara.

“Hey, Kar, what’s up?” You asked nonchalantly, as if you weren’t skipping school, going to the park with two of your friends, and it wasn’t the middle of the day on a Thursday.

“Why aren’t you in school? You’re supposed to be in school right now,” Kara seemed so shocked that you would skip, but she was starting to realize that in the past couple of weeks you were acting less like yourself.

“I dunno, I guess I just wasn’t feeling it. It’s fine though, I have all the homework, I’ll just be wasting my time in there anyways,” You shrugged and waved a bit before walking off to catch up with your friends. “See ya, Kara.”

—

You stood outside Kara’s apartment, waiting for her to let you in after you’d been dropped off by your driver to hang out with her and Alex for a bit.

You were on your phone when Alex opened the door and you hugged her tightly, “Hey, Al.”

Alex smiled and hugged you back, “Hey, kiddo, I was just about to call you to make sure you were okay.”

The two of you went inside and Alex closed the door behind you.

Just then, Kara emerged from the bathroom and super sped over to you to hug you, “(Y/n/n)! You’re finally here!”

You groaned as Kara squeezed you a bit too hard and nodded, “Yep,” Faking a chuckle.

Kara released you and smiled, “You ready to watch a movie?”

“I’m always ready to watch a movie,” You faked another laugh and sat on the couch in between once they both sat, making room for you in the middle.

Kara started The Princess Bride, which was apparently what you guys were going to be watching and your mind wandered not even five minutes into the movie.

You tried to focus on your feelings to figure out why you felt so upset all the time but you just couldn’t think of anything.

You knew you were depressed. That much was obvious, at least to you.

You just couldn’t figure out why, and that was only making you more upset.

There wasn’t a reason for you to be depressed. Your life was great, your sister and her friends were all godsends, and you had everything you could ever need. But at the same time you couldn’t help but feel a heavy weight in your chest and the desire to be completely alone.

You continued to let your mind go where it pleased before you decided that it was too much and excused yourself to the bathroom, “I’ll be right back, don’t stop the movie for me.”

Before you could even close the door, hot tears were streaming down your face uncontrollably.

You leaned on the sink and held onto the sides of the countertop as your body shook with sobs.

It wasn’t long before you heard a light knock on the door and you cursed to yourself for being loud enough for Kara to hear.

You wiped away your tears (they didn’t stop falling down your face though) and turned to the door, opening it to see Kara and Alex standing there.

They brought you back to the living room where Kara turned off the tv and you laid back into Alex’s arms while you sat on the couch once again. Your crying had calmed but didn’t stop.

“Can you tell us why you’re crying, (Y/n/n)?” Kara spoke softly and rested a hand on your knee.

You shook your head ‘no’ and sniffled, subduing your tears while you spoke, “I - I don’t know. That’s the problem, Kara. I never know.” You clung to Alex’s arm tightly, without hurting her, of course.

The crinkle in Kara’s brow grew as she looked at Alex anxiously, biting the inside of her lip.

“I think we should call Lena so you can talk to her,” Kara said.

Your eyes widened and you looked panicked, “No, please don’t! She already has so much going on, I don’t want to burden her with my dumb problems. I can figure this out. And either way, she’s on a business trip, you guys know that.”

“(Y/n/n), you know that Lena doesn’t think of you as a burden. She would want you to tell her about this and I know she would prioritize this over a business trip any day,” Kara brushed away your tears and frowned, feeling bad for you.

“Kara, please,” You looked up to her with pleading eyes, you were the last thing Lena needed to deal with.

“Okay, but will you at least talk to us about it?” Kara wanted to make a compromise. If Lena didn’t know now, she and Alex would convince you to tell her soon enough.

“Yeah, okay,” You nodded and rested your head back on Alex, letting yourself relax into her embrace now that you weren’t worried about Lena finding out anymore.

Alex brought one of her hand up to run her fingers through your (H/L) hair repeatedly to soothe you.

You laid in Alex’s arms until you had fully calmed down before Kara started to talk to you again, “Hey, since Lena’s away, I don’t wanna leave you alone tonight, are you okay sleeping here?”

You nodded softly and sighed a bit, “Yeah, I’ll stay.”

—

In the morning, Kara and Alex woke up before you and talked about what had happened last night.

Something that you said had stuck in Alex’s mind and she couldn’t stop thinking about it, “She said that she never knows why she cries like that. As in, she’s done this before.”

Kara’s eyes widen a bit when she realizes that she hadn’t even picked up on it herself, “I know she doesn’t want to tell Lena but I really think she should.”

“We’ll talk to her when she wakes up,” Alex sighed softly and drummed her fingers on her leg. “I think she might be depressed, Kara.”

“She doesn’t know why she’s upset though, that can’t be it,” Kara shook her head.

“Sometimes depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain. (Y/n/n) wouldn’t know why she’s depressed but she still would be if this is the case,” Alex explained, hoping that it made sense to Kara.

“Yeah, I get it,” Kara nodded and thought she heard rustling, so she used her super hearing and took note that you were awake, “She’s up.”

You walked out into the kitchen where Kara and Alex were and waved a bit while yawning before hugging both of them and saying ‘good morning’.

“How’d you sleep, honey?” Kara asked when you’d sat down on one of the barstools and taken a banana from the fruit basket.

“Good,” You nodded and started eating.

“We actually wanted to talk to you about what happened last night, now that your mind might be a little clearer,” Alex started, approaching the situation carefully.

“Okay, go ahead.”

“When you were talking about how you didn’t know why you were upset, you said that you never know. Like, as in, this has happened before,” Alex looked at you, wanting to make eye contact, but your eyes were focused on the banana you had in your hands.

You stayed silent and you began to bounce your leg a bit.

“(Y/n/n)?” Kara called your name in an attempt to get an answer.

“Fine, yes, this has happened before. It’s been going on for a few months but this month is when it’s gotten the worst,” You sighed and finished your banana, getting up to throw away the peel.

“Sweetheart, I think you’re depressed,” Alex said when you sat back down in front of her.

“I know,” You roll your eyes, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Chemical imbalance, but it’s still frustrating. I still feel like there should be a reason I’m upset.”

Kara seemed a bit shocked that you had admitted it so quickly, not even bothering to argue or deny it.

“Maybe you should see a therapist,” Alex suggested as she got up for a second to get you a bottle of water.

“Alex,” You shook your head, trying to think of something to say that would get you out of this.

“I also think you should tell Lena because -“

“No, I told you guys I didn’t want her to know -“ You interrupted Alex but she interrupted you back, determined to finish her sentence.

“I think you should tell her because she’ll only get upset if she finds out later and we kept this from her. It’ll hurt her more than anything and I know that’s the last thing you want to do. Besides, Lena will never see you as a burden or a problem. I have never seen her care about anything or anyone more than she does about you and if you’re able to ignore that and use her as an excuse to not talk about your feelings because you’d rather keep them bottled up inside, I’ll still love you but I’ll be very disappointed in you.”

You sat in shock, processing everything Alex had said and then opening and closing your mouth again, trying to say something, “You’re right.” You started to tear up, this time only because of guilt.

Alex sighed softly and walked around the kitchen island before pulling you into a hug, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry, I just wanted you to realize that by keeping this a secret you’re hurting Lena too.”

“No, no. It’s okay. I don’t think I would’ve understood unless you said it like that. Thank you,” You sniffled into Alex’s hoodie and pulled away before wiping your tears.

Kara had been watching silently and at first was worried about how Alex was going about addressing talking to Lena but she soon realized that there was no better way to do it.

You sat back down and smiled softly at Kara, holding both of your hands out to them.

In unison, they took your hand and you sniffled a bit, “Thank you guys, really. I’ll tell Lena when she gets back.”

—

When Lena returned from her business trip to Bulgaria, she came to Kara’s apartment to surprise you and pick you up to take you home, rather than having you meet her there.

You were sitting on the couch, cuddling with Alex, as you watched The Princess Bride (but this time paid attention).

Kara smiled mischievously as she got up and you gave her a weird look before you focused on the movie once more.

At the sound of Lena’s stilettos clicking on the wooden floor of Kara’s apartment, you shot up from the couch and stumbled, running to her before throwing yourself in her arms, “Lena!!”

Lena hugged you tightly and kissed the top of your head, smiling wildly, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, but I’m glad you’re here now.”

Kara and Alex both greeted Lena before you asked, “Do you wanna finish the movie with us?”

“Of course, lovey. What are we watching?” Lena asked as she sat down.

You sat close to her and she wrapped her arms around your waist making you chuckle, “The Princess Bride.”

Kara and Alex smiled at each other and sat on the other end of the couch, letting you enjoy your time with your big sister.

Before watching the movie, you’d promised them that you would tell Lena when you guys got home, wanting to sit down and talk to her about your situation rather than doing it in the car and rushing it.

You kept your promise.

—

“Lee, can we talk?” You asked after you guys had been home for a few minutes and we’re settled in.

“Yeah, of course, is everything okay?” Lena sat on her white sofa and patted it, gesturing for you to sit with her.

You sat on the other end so you could both see each other properly, “Yeah, uh - so, for the last few months I’ve been depressed. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but if you haven’t, don’t worry because I’ve been working harder to hide it around you. I guess I didn’t want to deal with it and I just decided that I would be better for me to not telling anyone. While you were away, though, Kara and Alex figured it out and we talked about it and honestly, I didn’t want to tell you at first when they told me I should because I convinced myself that you wouldn’t want to deal with my dumb problems and I didn’t want to be a burden to you, but then Alex talked some sense into me and I realized that if I did that then I wouldn’t be being fair to you because you care about me a lot and I know you would want me to tell you. I’m really sorry that I went so long without telling you.”

Lena nodded as you spoke and took a second to take everything, “That’s a lot - uh. Okay, um. Did I do anything to make you feel like you couldn’t tell me? If I did, honey, I’m so sorry -“

“No, no, you didn’t, Lee,” You shook your head and took Lena’s hand, squeezing it gently. “Trust me, you’re the best big sister anyone could ever have.”

Lena nodded tearfully and smiled softly, “I just wish I had known. I could’ve helped you, (Y/n/n).”

“I know, and I’m so so sorry for not telling you before but you know now and - you’re not mad are you?”

“Oh, god, of course not, baby,” Lena shook her head and moved over to pull you into her arms. “I’d never be mad at you for something like this, okay?”

“Thanks, Lee,” You let out a breath of relief and closed your eyes, relaxing in her arms. “You’re the best big sister ever.”

#supergirl #lena luthor #kara danvers #alex danvers #katie mcgrath #melissa benoist #chyler leigh #little!luthor #supergirl imagines #lena luthor imagines #kara danvers imagines #alex danvers imagines #lena luthor x reader #kara danvers x reader #alex danvers x reader #lena luthor x little!luthor #kara danvers x little!luthor #alex danvers x little!luthor #little!luthor imagines #little!luthor reader #lena is a great big sister #lena’s little sister #l!l #little luthor

[emilyscheel]

I know what you mean but for me i don't hardly ever cry when I'm depressed , I dunno its just super hard for me to cry I tend to get bitter about things and just get mad at everything. It seems so simple to fix things but I just can't do it when the opportunities come up. Your post earlier about being an afterthought, if I may ask (you don't have to answer) how is your relationship with your boyfriend? I hope he sees what an awesome good person you are.

He does and he is amazing but very stoic and for someone with my mental issues it’s hard for him to understand them and try to help me with them. And I know what you mean about not crying. So my dad died when I think I was 11 and for a few years after that I didn’t cry and I distinctly remember going to therapy with my mom and her saying something along the lines of “she’s been so strong” and I realized that everyone thought I was holding it together and oddly enough that was when I began crying. Idk if you can make sense of that timeline but ever since then I’ve tried not to show people emotions but things have compounded over the years to just be overwhelming (obv not just my dads passing). The times we live in lends no hands to happiness either so it’s like a tug of war with a team only on one side

#emilyscheel

[fanfictiondotme]

Radio Chatter

Fandom: The Walking Dead

Ship:  Negan x Reader

Summary: Negan finds out the reader is self-harming and decides to help her in an unexpected way.

Warnings: Negan fluff, self harm, insomnia, depression, self-depreciation, talks of suicide, I’m missing shit so read at your own risk please. P L E A S E. negan is far off character and super fluff so ya, lots of curse words maybe, i dunno i write these warnings before i write the fic 

For: Abuse / Mental Health

If you ever need help please contact someone you trust or local law enforcement.

You rolled around in your bed, one of the lucky ones to have your own place. It was the second night in a row you couldn’t sleep. You decided to get up and go to work early, getting ahead of schedule. You walked to Negan’s place, looking around. You smiled to yourself, sighing at the same time. I mean, if you aren’t gonna be able to sleep, you might as well do something productive. 

Admittedly, his place was pretty neat. You didn’t expect him to be so clean. You began collecting his bloodied and torn laundry from his bathroom and bedroom. You grabbed the wash bucket, filling it with water, sticking some lavender in it to help keep the bugs away from Negan while at work. You spent hours scrubbing his clothing, just as the sun came up and you were hanging Negan’s clothes up to dry, you heard the door open. 

You walked in to greet Negan, smiling big, but obviously tired. “Shit, doll, you scared the fuck outta me!” Negan slammed his stuff down and grinned at you. “What in the fuck are you doing here doll?” You got him some of his clothes you washed a few days ago that were already dry. “Working,” you handed him the laundry, “here, go change so I can wash your clothes.” He shook his head, admiring you. 

He started stripping and you rolled your eyes turning around. “You’re here very early, Y/N, why?” You sighed, “Just wanting to pick up extra shifts, get some extra points ya know?”

“Do you need something? I could help ya know, you do work for me.” You picked up Negan’s clothes and added them to the wash bucket. You started scrubbing, Negan pouring himself a drink. “No, Negan, it’s alright, I can work just like everyone else can.” Negan sighed, pouring you a glass as well, “Like everyone else can? That’s a fucking joke right? You’re here when I get back from a run gone wrong at fucking daybreak. How many people do you think work day and fuckin’ night, Y/N?” 

You sighed, finishing scrubbing, you rung out his clothing, “Damn, Negan, you think you could limit the blood on clothes from now on?” He didn’t miss a beat, knowing very well that you ignored him, “That’s what I thought doll,” he caressed your arm. You jerked away, not wanting Negan to find out about the habit you held. You rushed to hang Negan’s clothes up, ready to bolt before he would put two and two together. 

“Shit, doll, sorry, you okay?” He followed you, poking at pulling up your sleeve. You jerked away from him again, “Yes, I just don’t like being touched.” Negan scoffed, grabbing your waist, “Bullshit, you love my fucking hugs.” 

It wasn’t that Negan didn’t like you, you just didn’t want to be surrounded by his perfect wives. You sighed, leaning into him, nodding. “Come on darlin’ tell me what’s wrong,” he rubbed your back, pulling your sleeve up. That slick mother fucker always knows how to distract you. You jumped back from him, quickly making your way to the door. 

“Y/N, what the fuck was that, I know you know I saw that shit!” You opened his door, tears welling in your eyes. He barked something to Simon, who was now standing in your way. You backed up, slamming the door in Simon’s face. “Negan, it’s none of your concern, you can’t just keep me locked up.” Negan wrapped his arms around your waist, “Y/n, doll, let,” he continued holding you while you squirmed, “me,” he picked you up and carried you to the couch, “help.” 

Negan held you while you told him what had been troubling your mind, then he shushed you to sleep. He wanted to truly help. He watched you sleep for hours, ignoring every radio attempt made, even from Simon. He knew that you needed him the most right now, and that was okay, you were what he needed too. 

You rolled over on Negan, not remembering what was going on, you carefully sat up, suddenly realizing you were in different clothes and your cuts were patched up. You sighed, holding your face in your hands. You got up and started putting your own clothes back on, getting ready to walk out. “Wait just a second doll,” Negan was awake, great. 

“What?” You snapped, instantly regretting it. “We have to talk about this, I won’t just pretend I don’t know. Let me help, Y/n.” You were fuming, “I don’t need your help, Negan, I’ve got this.” Negan sighed, “It’s not that fucking easy Y/N.” You sighed, “It is, and when I don’t got it, it’ll all be over, simple as that.” With that, you walked out, you were not Negan’s responsibility, you weren’t one of his wives, and you weren’t even that important to Negan’s crew. 

A few days later, you were heading to back to Negan’s to do see if he had accumulated more laundry. It was best to do it regularly, or you’d get caught up in it. Negan greeted you at the door, smiling at you, holding a radio in his hand. “Mornin’ doll,” you smiled at him, he seemed to be in a good mood today. “Morning Negan,” you started collecting laundry, but Negan stopped you. 

“Let me see, Y/N,” you looked at him confused, “let me see them, Y/n, please.” You sighed looking down, but you pulled your sleeves up, revealing fresh bright red lines, some deeper than others, some patched up. Negan looked physically hurt, that’s when you pulled your sleeves down, turning away from him, and continuing with your work. 

He grabbed you gently, careful to not hurt you, but enough to get your attention. He grabbed your hand softly, turning it face up. He put the radio in your hand, “On channel nine you’ll always reach me, if you can’t fuckin’ sleep, if you want to fuckin’ hurt, if you feel fuckin’ overwhelmed, if you need fuckin’ company, channel nine reaches me, okay?”

You grabbed the radio, a lifeline, and smiled. “Okay, I guess it’s a step.” Negan smiled and hugged you, “Damn fucking straight it is!” You smiled and hugged him back, he told you goodbye and left for the run and that was that. You felt lighter, not so alone. It was a good feeling, one you hadn’t had in awhile.

That very night you were laying in the bed, staring at the ceiling, mind racing when you heard the radio go off. “Heya, Y/N, you’re still up aren’t you?” You smiled, picking up the radio, “Yeah, I am.” Negan chuckled over the radio, “Alright, my little night owl, how was your day?” 

“Negan, what’re you doing?” 

“Checking in on you, doll.” Negan had a sweet side, you knew that, but why was he sharing it with you?

“It was just like any other,” you sighed, “can’t sleep.” Negan was quiet for a minute, then he started his monologue. “You know, I know this girl, feisty and stubborn. Hardest fuckin’ working woman I’ve ever known. Somehow in the zombie apocalypse she still manages to make fuckin’ blood soaked clothes clean and smelling good. That fuckin’ lavender shit, man, gets me every time. She has the softest fucking’ skin-” you were finally dozing in and out of sleep, “smile for fuckin’ days-” 

Over the next few weeks you and Negan talked a lot, he was really trying to help, and he was doing a really good job, sometimes you were scared to lean on him though, which complicated things. You heard your radio beep as your razor curled around your skin, blood pouring from the thin slices. “Oh my little night owl, where’d you fly off too?” You took a deep breath, dropping the razor and picking up the radio. “Negan.” Instantly, he responded, sensing the pain in your voice, “I’m there.” And he was, in less that sixty seconds flat. 

“Oh, Y/n, my little night owl,” he put his arms under your legs as you wrapped your arms around his neck, “shhhh little night owl, I’ve got you, you’re so strong.” You whimpered, you didn’t feel strong, you felt like you had no strength.

Negan sat you down on your bed, kneeling in front of you, he picked up his radio, switched it to channel eight, “Carson, Night Owl Protocol.” Your eyes were filled with tears, “I’m sorry Negan, I’m sorry,” your chest started tightening, breathing fast and heavy. “Shhh, my strong little night owl,” he slowly caressed your face, “honey, you gotta breathe okay, it’s okay, it’s a slip up, it happens.” You shook your head, “I’m not strong Negan, I’m not strong, I-I’m not,” you kept shaking your head.

At this moment Carson walked in, observing your disheveled appearance, he instantly felt a pang of empathy. Negan moved behind you, put a leg on either side of you, his head in the crook of your neck, rocking you back and forth. Carson gently grabbed your arm, cleaning it gently. “You know, little night owl,” Negan rubbed circles on your stomach, “it’s gonna be okay.” You shook your head, not wanting to speak. “You are strong, Y/n, slip ups happen, it’s okay, you don’t have to be scared, I’m not mad, nobody is mad. Sometimes to go forward, you must go back.” 

You leaned into Negan, the pain in your arm numb. “I’m sorry, Carson, it’s really okay, I can do this, I don’t want to take you away from work.” Carson held your arm in place, “It’s alright, Y/n,” he smiled up at you, “this is kind of what I’m here for. It needs looked at though, you went pretty deep on a few of these, I’m worried about infection.” You closed your eyes, “I’m sorry.” Negan shook his head, “None of that now, Night Owl.” 

Once Carson left, you sighed. He put five stitches in your arm, he was probably overreacting, you’d seen worse. Negan picked you up and carried you to his place after Carson was done. Once he sat you down, you saw the blood you’d left on the back of his shirt. You started panicking, going up behind him and taking hist shirt straight off of him, he laughed not realizing why. You grabbed a rag and scrubbed the blood off of his neck and he caught on. “I’m sorry,” you cried, “I didn’t even think.” You started a bucket to scrub his shirt but he stopped you. 

He gently grabbed the sides of your face, “Night owl, look at me,” you couldn’t make eye contact with him, “Y/n, now.” Your eyes met his and all you were met with was softness. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he kissed your forehead, Negan who smashed faces in, kissed your forehead, “remember, backwards to go forwards.” He took you to the bed and you laid there with him for hours. After he finally got you to sleep, Negan just watched you. He wanted to help you, so bad, he was so worried about you. 

Negan moved you into his place after a few months, your radio chatter was always at maximum and the Night Owl Protocol was used at minimum. Negan helped you learn that sometimes to go forward you need to go back. You weren’t always okay, but it was always going to be okay. 

#The Walking Dead #the walking dead fanfic #the walking dead fic #the walking dead fanfiction #twd #twd fic #twd fanfiction #twd fanfic #twd fluff #negan #negan fanfiction #negan smut #negan fic #negan x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #fluff #fluffy fanfiction #hurt/comfort #hurt fi #hurt fic #hurt/comfort fic

[justin-hammers]

Confession Hour:

You know I just hate still suffering from depression and anxieties throughout my years and especially during tough times. 😪😞

It's been bad as usual. Nothing really has changed yet except for times when it gotten worse to the point of threatening to kill myself. I do stop myself from doing it, but I still have urges to do it again.😓

My mental health has been the reason why I keep losing friends in social media. I kept my mental health hidden from close people I know/knew and my entire family. My family brushes it off as being dramatic even when I have scars on my wrists. 😓 I just can't tell to anybody because I am scared about what would anybody say. It is a major blow for me to even ask for help. I just want to be normal like everyone else soon, but I just cannot predict it whenever. It is frustrating, I know, and I apologize.

Now with this "current situation" going on and around, it does not really help me. People are just being super negative and never helpful at all. 😑

The "situation" drains me to the point of severe irritation and overwhelming worries about my family, but they brush me off. 😣😖

Sometimes I wish I was either in a coma or I wish I could have taken my life instead of my own father. I miss my dad so much since he knows how to make the "situation" less frightening and more just protect yourself and your family. 😭😭😭😭😭

It feels like people just take it beyond seriously and just ruins it. For example, like this site makes it depressing and like if it was the end of the world. Don't even get me started on some obvious celebs using politics to make the "situation" a hard knock. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Anyways, I just hate having so much negatively in my life right now. How do you feel when someone has a mental health problem and they see all of this extreme negatively that keeps coming and going?

I mean, the "situation" probably might last for a long while. I don't know really. I just want to think ahead, but if I do, it probably won't happen. 😥😞

This is just me rambling about everything going on. It's serious yes, but holy shit, the negatively is just too much for me to handle right now. 💔 I just want to be at home, relaxing, and just minding my own business without the days mainly being negative. Okay?

Thank you

P.S do people write letters these days? Because I have been personally wanting to do one, but I dunno tbh. I chicken out the last time I tried. I dunno if it is still dated to do letters for anybody.

#confession hour #confession #mental health #mental illness #mental health problems #depression #anxieties #anxiety problems #anxiety #tw self destruction #tw suicide #tw: anxiety #tw: swearing

[silver-falling-star]

Sing me a song, o muse, of your bitter hatred against catcher in the rye bc SAME

Oooooh boy, I smell one of my long winded rants coming on. Strap in folks its about to be a wild ride.

So, Ima preface this by saying that I have NOT read it since I was forced to read it in 11th grade. For like, several fucking reasons. (the primary one being that I don’t want to, the 2nd one being I don’t know which bookshelf my dad stashed my copy on. He stashed all my required readings on various bookshelves after I was done with them. Because we were all given copies for free by the teachers that we were allowed to keep. I’ll chalk this up to private school benefits I guess? I’ve been out of the public school circuit since the end of 5th grade) So basically my memory of like, most of the events that take place in the book are foggy at best and unremembered at worst.

@ my mutuals and followers who like this book, that’s fine you do you, but I personally am not and probably will never be a fan of Catcher in the Rye. My feelings of why I dislike it are my opinions and I’m not gonna force them on you.

Problem 1: Main character is an unsympathetic asshole

My biggest gripe about the book is honestly a gripe I have about SEVERAL books. Unlikable characters, and I don’t necessarily mean written poorly (though I don’t remember being awed by how the book was written, I’ll be honest.) I mean unsympathetic asshole little bastards that make you want to just chuck the book across the room. Other books that share this problem are The Great Gatsby (that book is hot fucking garbage in terms of likeable characters and I WILL die on that fucking hill do not even @ me), Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie (Main character is an asshole little snobby bitch and despite being a murder mystery written in first person she literally figures things out at such a pace its not fun for the reader because she STILL ends up caught in shit situations she KNEW WAS GOING TO GO DOWN BECAUSE SHES SUCH A SPECIAL LITTLE SHIT- okay that’s a rant for a different post) and The King Must Die. (If you ever want to read a book with shit diction, pick it up.)

Now, as a writer/roleplayer of almost a decade, I’ve made plenty of characters that fall into the unsympathetic asshole role. My problem isn’t with the archetype, it’s often used and often done well (fandoms later trying to apologize for them aside) My PROBLEM comes when that’s either the archetype for the only character given any spotlight, or ALL the characters have that problem. (see, Great Gatsby.) Holden Caulfield(or however the fuck you spell it) is an unsympathetic asshole, and also the character who’s perspective is the only one we get to see, and the only character we really know much about. (Mainly cause he just doesn’t deign to care to give a legitimate effort in giving a damn about anyone else aside from how innocent children/his sister are. More on how creepy that shit is later.) Making a book like this means that I’m far less likely to enjoy it because I want to be able to root for someone. I can root for an asshole, so long as they’re likeable in some regard. Holden is a grade A fuckboy in the making and as such I am not a fan.

TL/DR: It’s possible to have likeable unsympathetic asshole characters, it is almost impossible to do that if that’s all you have exposure too in your cast.

Problem 2: I was really not in the best place to receive such a fucking depresso espresso lesson about life.

Switching gears momentarily from problems with the writing/book itself to problems with the timing of this book showing up in my life. High school was the time when all my trauma I’d successfully… repressed? Avoided dealing with? whatever, basically all my mental health shit suddenly decided to spring itself on me and yell “SURPRISE, YOU’RE MENTALLY FUCKED AND WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!” in 10th grade and it wasn’t until halfway through 11th grade that I even started getting a handle on shit. I almost failed high school and it was *bad*, especially for someone who was just trying to get to college so I could get to vet school and be qualified for a job that requires an ass load of education. So in walks this fucking book and it’s message of “adulthood is a sham, nothing matters and you really should just fuck around and do whatever because it’s all bullshit anyway. Childhood was where it’s at.”

Like???? Alright, that’s not what I need to hear when I’m barely passing high school. Go to fucking therapy and get some help, we all have trauma and therapy is the best path to work through it. I dunno like, yeah okay some people need to hear that message at whatever time in their life they read the book, but that message really wasn’t great to my Anxiety/Depression/ADHD struggling ass trying to just stay steady enough to get into college.

Honestly, even to this day I HATE HATE HATE books with depressing messages like that. I already deal with the struggle of being afraid of failure, getting where I want to be, all that shit. I don’t want that in my literature. Give me a person who struggles but still succeeds and finds some sort of happiness and self-worth in the end. Give me someone overcoming their traumas in such a way that they can at least have a good quality of life afterwards, even if the trauma will never leave, so long as they’re happy. I’m tired of YA novels that try and sell our generation and gen z the message that life sucks. Give me more hope, more heroes, more people making a difference because hell life is short so best make the most of it making a difference.

To quote GotG, why do I care so much about stories that revolve around saving the world, even if that world is just as small as a found family?

And my existence might as well be a happy one and have HOPE GOD DAMMIT.

TL/DR: If a book leaves me feeling like shit after reading it because it ends on a super shitty note, I’m generally not going to enjoy that book. And the fact that most YA novels these days that are given to highschoolers fall into this category is hot garbage when this is around the time they’re trying to find some sort of direction in life.

*Note: I realize that there are times and places for books that give more somber messages. Hell, I’ve even enjoyed some books with messages of such a tone. But media these days, and honestly for most of my life starting in mid to late teenage years (and maybe earlier) has started taking a turn towards the more depressing/somber stuff, and its overwhelming and just bad. And even back then when first reading it this was something I picked up on and didn’t enjoy. It just was not the right time in my life to hear a message so devoid of giving a shit.

Problem 3: Holden is honestly, super fucking creepy.

Okay, we back on the train of the actual book’s writing. Holden the dipshit is honestly, really fucking creepy. Towards women specifically. I have no direct quotes from the book specifically, but I DISTINCTLY remember the way he talked about women (or even young children/girls) being creepy as shit. Like, he waxes lyrical about his kid sister and her classmates and how innocent they are and how he wants to be the “Catcher in the Rye” to keep them innocent and to keep them from realizing how bad the world is. Great, lovely sentiment Holden. Except that the way you’re going about it comes across as being a pedophile.  You’re at the very least sexist as fuck, because you’re objectifying the fuck out of people anyway.

That scene with the sex worker in the hotel room is also one I remember making me feel super uncomfortable. Not because the sex worker is there, but because uh, just, god, that whole scene gave me the creeps. Probably because I felt bad for the woman, coming into the room expecting to be paid for work and there’s just this kid who breaks the fuck down, tells her some depressing shit, and maybe pays her? (does he pay her? I can’t fucking remember, I’d like to think he does, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t, because he’s an ass.) Actually, bigger question IS HE EVEN OF AGE TO HAVE SEX WITH HER LEGALLY? HOW OLD IS THIS KID? HES STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL RIGHT?

…. so I looked it up, he’s 17. SEVENTEEN. HE IS A M I N O R. I’m like 99% sure that the woman he hires is like, twice his age at least. That’s straight up illegal.

god this just gets worse.

TL/DR: Holden is a 17 year old creep who comes off as a pedophile in the way he talks about kids, and also definitely hired a sex worker while he was underage. Idk if that was legal at the time this book was written, but if it was (and I doubt it), that has aged very poorly.

Problem 4: It’s got a lot of male fans who fall into that all too dangerous category of having Fight Club or Rick and Morty being their favorite bit of visual media.

Okay, again, not a problem of the book. But when the majority fanbase (or at least, the most vocal part) are a bunch of abusive men who don’t realize that the message they took away from a work of fiction is incredibly problematic? Or worse, know and don’t care because they think their take is superior? Uhhh, how do I say, big yikes.

Like, this could be your favorite book, whatever, that’s you, I don’t care, but if your reasoning for it is because Holden is, in your opinion, an unflawed idealized version of yourself/your ideals?

thats a nope from me bro.

———-

That’s all I can do off the top of my head without going in and reading the book again. Which I probably won’t do for a long time, because I don’t need to hear that struggling to make a place for yourself is dumb and proves you’re just “part of the machine, the man has made you his bitch.” while I’m still trying to y’know, get to where I want to go.

But there you go, four solid reasons why I really really do not like Catcher in the Rye.

#catcher in the rye #Me? make something short winded? never in my life #maybe I'll update this with findings if I ever go back and read it again #though #given that my ability to sit and read through things is basically null and void at this point that won't be for ages

[lilmajorshawty]

October or November scorpios? And also December or January Capricorn?

:) my uncle who is like my best friend or was I should say-was an incredible person! Versatile and quick of wit but also extremely cunning and keen on how to mend and manipulate situations. He was a third decan Scorpio and I think he manifested the qualities of a matured Scorpio pretty well! But he was also pretty moody because of the moon there and a huge baby lmao but I dooo love third decan ones! They’re super energetic and childlike and I don’t see much of the Scorpio traits in them unless they’re upset-that’s when they’re like crazy. Other than that they’re cute! They can put on weight a bit easy because they love love love food! Aha but it’s cute :) they lose weight really easy to? They can fluctuate a lot between things and like obsesses over random things just to drop it and move on to something else later. They don’t show their true nature often and like to hide it in a mask not because they’re being fake but mainly because they try to be above petty behavior. I think they’re pretty sexual? But in a healthy way.

Now early to mid November or second decan scorpios are quieter in my experience and also tend to be more on the “ego” side of things and usually present themselves in a sweet but serious way on the outset. Their more lowky about things and pretty sensitive! I wouldn’t say their very “cut throat” like most other decans and have very romantic type lives in my experience. I like them too! They’re super warm natured and very sweet! Like openly too! They don’t hide their more scorpionic traits like the other decans and at times can be a bit overwhelming because of this? They have a broken heart syndrome I like to say because they’re more on the hunt for love it seems and at times it doesn’t really work out. They’re either loners or Casanovas. They can be a wee bit boring though and I mean no disrespect by this at all I just mean Pluto and Neptune for some reason clouds their actions and dilutes plutos passion so a lot of the time they either get caught in deja vu ruts where they’re doing the same thing on replay or they’re not doing much of anything. But once more super easy going and chill scorpios and I like them for that.

Now October scorpios are my favorite! They’re usually the more stereotypical scorpios in my opinion? I dunno they just have this intimidating and serious energy about them. They’re usually socially skilled and have a natural charm and grace but have a sort of dramatic flare about their lives. I’ve noticed they’re the ones to cut people out of their lives and the most petty scorpios of the bunch. They also don’t forgive easily and are the ones that test people the most. I love them dearly. They’re usually having a resting bitch face and have a sexual undertone about them that you just pick up on! They’re like super private about their sexual matters and give off an asexual demeanor until you like “talk” they’re super possessive and protective of their lovers and I think they honestly struggle the most with their ego and how it affects their relationships and sometimes they sabotage themselves because of this. But yeah their actually really cuddly and warm but have a lot of walls and like you’ll probably need a helmet and mountain climbing gear as well as a hammer and a therapist :)(I’m kidding kinda)

And as for caps My aunt is a first decan born right on the 22 of December aha and she’s pretty outgoing honestly she’s very sweet and steady and has one hell of a stamina in regards to what life throws at her! She’s picked her self up from a lot including a divorce and having to let go of her child and raising me-she’s remained diligent and wise through it all and I beam all the time because she’s sooo strong :) but yeah these guys are very wise and they’re constantly growing and maturing and it’s an amazing site! But man they can be naggers! Like sometimes they nag just for the sake of it. They’re also on the controlling side and can be very unforgiving and unsympathetic towards the short comings of others. They also like to maintain control of their feelings and since Saturns influence is heavily felt here they have a lot of sudden bouts of seriousness and depression from out of nowhere and get over them just as quickly.

Early jan caps are pretty cool! I like them! But I’ll be honest they’re pretty calm and easy going guys and gals! They don’t really do to much and tend to be into “vibing” and alone time. I don’t really see them in crowds or even as super family types for that matter they just kinda do their own things and enjoy what is simpler in life! They look very beautiful and it’s like a very earthy and easy look to them. They’re very amazing conversationalist too! But yeah I can’t say much bad about them mainly because they don’t show much of what beneath the surface especially if they haven’t known you for some years.

And last decan Capricorn are pretty funny little goofballs! I don’t really feel virgos energy here but I do feel mercury! They’re pretty talkative and also sometimes narrow minded especially if their mercury is afflicted. They are sometimes cocky and “caught up” in the materialistic side of life oddly enough! They’re pretty adorable though and a little more light on the whole pessimistic attitude!

#ask #Scorpio #Capricorn #October #November #January #December

[kotorno]

Apparently a lot of my friends are getting married engaged and I am super happy for them and like holy cow that’s awesome.

But then I kinda just lay about being like, “what do I want to do with life?” and I gotta work and stuff so I can’t just stop to do everything.

But yeah...

>I still wanna make videos >I wanna feel more confident/motivated to write stuff >Work back up and beyond my Japanese skills I had when I was younger >Date? I dunno man, I am probably not good material, XD (Just trust me on that) >Play video games, a lot of video games >Also try my best (and I don’t think I’m doing it yet) to support all friends either financially or socially (or both) >Move and buy my own car

Gack. Jut overwhelms me a lot. Guess to me seeing friends get engaged/married shows a sense of maturity/stability for some reason? Like I know that might not always be the case, but feels like the people I know are doing extremely well for themselves, and here I am piddling writing this stupid post.

I either need more time, need to be able to not sleep, but most importantly just have the motivation to do stuff y’know? Maybe my depression is still biting at me...

[illuminatingfear]

cw: adhd med talk

adventures in adderall -- if you have med stories pls msg me because i don’t have a lot of people to ask questions to

QUICK BACKGROUND FOR CONTEXT: i’m less than 50 days from graduation and currently in the middle of my last term at uni. due to Many Goddamn Things That Have Disrupted My Life Significantly, I’ve been mentally unable to pull myself together to go to class for the past few weeks. Therefore... I’m behind in several weeks of work. Note: I have been going to about half of my meetings and all of my ensembles (I teach one, so I definitely go to that one and do well, but it’s a lot of energy of course). I’ve been forcing myself to eat 2 - 3 times a day more regularly, too. 

(For those interested, the Things that have been disruptive include: family death, family drama, family hospitalization (all three are separate from each other), roommate-sanity breakdown + unsafe situation, recital and all the scheduling nightmares that come with it, having to cut out three friends in this entire span for all various disruptive/destructive reasons. social stuff hits me very hard.) OK BACK TO MED TALK: so, i started a few weeks ago and have been titrating up. i’m having my fingers crossed because even though this medication is the oldest of the bunch, it’s also the cheapest...

i stayed a week on the 15mg -- the first day (like I posted I think) was awful, even though it was sublingual; it was like the first day i took adderall and i felt awful and brain foggy and like i was Too Stoned™ (this is how i’ve been describing most of the bad feelings on this so far). stayed on it some more days sublingually and it got ‘better’ but not ‘good,’ like before. skipped a few days because I was pretty sure a few weeks is long-enough, and started having some withdrawal... of even MORE brain fog in addition to body-anxiety... aka, the feeling of being Too High™ on a strong sativa (aka not fun at all). 

I’ve noticed that it’s been giving me weird side-effects besides the prominent brain fog: 

-SUPER increased appetite: i haven’t had an appetite since depression started about 4 years ago, so waking up being voraciously hungry is a huge change, and annoying, because then I have to eat

-inability to sleep: i have 1.5 sleep disorders (one being circadian rhythm sleep disorder, the other being probably a deeper issue that results in 12 - 20hr deep-sleep cycles) already, and i know that adderall can help “fix sleep disorders.” what it’s done for me is... even after the XR wears off and i go to sleep hours later, I can’t fall asleep. when I do, it’s either the same amount of Too Long™ or it’s a few hours. Either way, I’m not someone who can handle Not Enough Sleep - hypersensitivity to sounds and increased anxiety ruin a day super fast otherwise. 

So, I’ve been off the 15mg for about three-four days (one of those days was just sleeping, so) and first felt the Too High™-still-can’t-focus-due-to-worse-brain-fog on the first day. Then I noticed it just got worse and worse... my forgetfulness and short-term memory got worse than before I wasn’t taking it at all, if only slightly. Then, today, on day 3/4, I noticed I would space out again for long periods of time, like before the adderall. I noticed I became irrationally angry at dumb things, and I am not an angry person! My anger would be fueled by my own inability to focus (lol vicious cycle) and how much time I was wasting by trying.

So... I went up to 20mg today. I figured that 3-4 days was enough for it to be out of my system mostly, after a month of solidly taking a low dose. This is my first day on 20mg, and I took it sublingually. I am no longer having stupid anger and just got an assignment done.  One of my biggest ADHD/ADD symptoms is this mental block when it comes to having to get something big done. It’s happened all my life, and it comes with deep-seated panic and avoidance that I don’t equate with procrastination. Right now, since I have So Much To Catch Up On, it’s been very easy for me to get overwhelmed by this monolith of You’Re Fucking Yourself Over Reminders (aka overdue work) that’s staring at me in the face. The anger came from that, because holy hell, nothing has ever worked in helping me get past it. Adderall has helped a little with it, at least in the motivation-sense, at least as far as letting me tunnel-vision focus on one thing. 

Dunno what to do long term... I’m currently able to tunnel-vision focus, which is good, but also blocks other thinking and enhances my forgetfulness (esp in middle-of-sentence-remembering-words-or-trains-of-thought). 

can anyone weigh in on adhd med experiences??

#adhd meds #adderall