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pasdasin · 7 months

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Ktober day one - Size kink - Loki x reader

a/n: welcome to kinktober! enjoy ur month of fanfics lol this is made in collab with my two of my irls @fuckmachine42069 and @honeybeedrabble! sorry if this is bad lol

cw: pnv sex, unprotected sex, oral (m receiving), cussing, slight degradation, prob more

reader under the cut ------

Loki never felt truly loved until he met you. You knew him, witnessed his destruction, and still decided to give him a chance. He never knew that he could feel like this. Especially when you decided to take him to a remote cabin in the mountains, just the two of you. Just as friends.

God he hated that you just saw him as a friend. He means that friends don’t just share their darkest secrets, they don’t occasionally flirt, and they don’t get drunk and make out- but that was just a drunken mistake, right?

The snow fell outside the cabin the two of you shared a glass of wine you stole from Tony’s collection. He watched as you giggled at the silly card game the two of you were playing.

“OH! This is a good one” you looked up at Loki from across the couch.

“Oh?”

“Yeah… is there one physical trait you haven’t shown anyone?” Loki was taken aback by the question. Were the two of you close enough for him to show you his true self? The two of you did make out a lot, flirt, but emotionally? Were you more than friends? Could he truly trust you? Fuck it.

“I believe there is one thing…” Your eyes lit up with excitement at this revatation. “Before I show you, I need to know I can trust you.” His eyes scanned your face, praying to whoever would listen that you would say the words that he needed to hear.

“Of course you can trust me Loki.”

“No that’s not what I mean. I need you to be honest with me…”

“What are you asking me?” Your heart was pounding in your chest.

“Are you in love with me the way I am in love with you” Silence filled the air. Loki turned his back and sighed in defeat . It was so stupid of him to think you’d be in love with him. You two weren’t more than friends who kiss. He felt his arm be pulled by you, causing him to turn to face you.

“I…I’m in love with you Loki” He leaned down and captured your lips with his own. The kiss was passionate and full of the mixed emotions the two of you felt towards each other. The kiss grew more heated and the two of you moved back onto the couch. He pulled away from you, straddling your hips and effectively trapping you.

“Once I show you this. you have to be mine. remain mine.” You only nodded your head and watched in amazement as he transformed before you. His once pale skin turned a beautiful shade of blue. It was icy and cool. His eyes turned a shade of deep, blood red. His height greatly increased as well. Your eyes scanned his body, absorbing all of the new side of loki.

“Well?” He asked nervously. Your jaw dropped slightly and he slowly felt himself getting amused by your reaction. “You never seen this before?”

“Obviously not. Just… let me” Your hands dragged up and down his body, getting used to all the new bumps and scars that littered his body. His skin was impossibly cold and only turned you on more. Your hands trailed down his abs and hovered over his cock. You looked up at him and searched his face for any signs of regret.

His eyes only encouraged you further and his hands guided your own to touch him. In his frost giant form, Loki was impossibly bigger than any man you have ever been with before. His cock had barely fit in your hand and as you continued to pump him up and down, you found him to only get harder and harder. He moved to undo his pants and free his cock from his boxers. You watched as his cock sprung free and nearly hit your cheek.

“Loki,” you looked up at him, his blue skin and red eyes intimidated you, but also made you feel a new kind of excitement. “Once we start, I don’t wanna stop”

“Then what are you waiting for?” He said, gripping your hair. You licked a long stripe up his cock from the base of it to the tip. He involuntarily shuddered and pulled your hair tighter as you moved your mouth to take in his tip. Even that felt like it was a lot. You gently started to bob your head up and down his length, trying to find a satisfactory pace. Loki had other plans, deciding that he needed more. Your eyes rolled back and tears streamed down your eyes as Loki fucked your mouth, losing himself slightly.

Looking down he realized only about a third of his dick could fit in your mouth before activating your gag reflex. He reveled in the fact that his size was making you react like this. You moaned and gagged on his cock, making him groan at the vibrations. His grip tightened on your hair.

“You can’t even take all of me in your mouth and yet you're whoring yourself for me.” You only could moan in response, trying to swirl your tongue around what was in your mouth and jacking off the rest. You could feel him getting closer and closer to his orgasm.

When he was on the brink, he pulled out of you, leaving you confused.

“I’m gonna cum in that pretty little cunt if yours.” He muttered to you, as he moved you to your hands and knees.

“Loki you didn’t-“

“I’ll be gentle” He said as he started to push into your cunt. Your breath grew labored and you started to feel the painful stretch as Loki started to fill you as much as he could. You looked up past the couch and straight into the mirror that leaned against the wall. You could only moan at the sight of his 7 foot body pressing into your much smaller frame. He was like a giant trying to fit into a regular sized door.

He was anything but gentle. He barely gave you time to adjust to his size before he started pounding into you. The sheer. size of him had you feeling his cock up and into your stomach. He was rough with you, making you believe he was chasing his own pleasure. It didn’t matter when his dick rubbed and filled every inch of your cunt. You were shaking and moaning under him, feeling as though your arms were gonna give out any second.

“Look at you. You barely can fit my cock and here you are already about to cum.” He started to pound into you harder than before, making your legs shake.

“Please- please let me. I need to-“ Loki hushed you.

“Cum for me” You felt your pussy clench at his command and a wave of pleasure wash over him. Loki thrusted harder and got sloppier until he finally came inside you. He stilled inside you and panted. Slowly he disconnected himself from you and watched as his cum spilled out onto the couch.

“Are you okay?” Slowly, you turned to face him, a fucked out expression washing over you.

“We should’ve fucked sooner”

-----

day 2: titfucking - mista x reader

#kinktober #loki laufeyson #loki #frost giant loki #loki x reader #loki laufeyson x reader

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a-aexotic · 1 year

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Congrats Ren<3🌙 For Rafe Cameron

For My Tears Ricochet!

“And if i’m dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name wishing i stayed”

pairing. rafe cameron x fem!reader

warnings. angst, mental abuse, insecurities, cheating so so so sorry for this fic....

summary. rafe betrays you after years of you commiting to him.

➜ missing out on updates? ❪ navigation. masterlist. taglist. ❫

Betraying you was the worst decision that Rafe had ever done and considering everything he's done, that's pretty far.

He'd done a lot to you but you always stayed. You always saw the best in him, no matter how bad he hurt you. You wanted to be there for him, protect him from himself and at first he thought it was endearing. It was sweet that you thought there was more to him.

You were the best thing that's ever happened to him and he knew that. Ward told him millions of times that you were his way out - if he kept going out with you, listening to you and loving you that eventually he wouldn't become the person he feared the most.

He was so scared to lose you, for you to slip through his fingertips like sand that eventually he was too scared to even be with you. He was scared he was going to lose you.

But then Rafe did the inevitable; he self destructed.

The relentless voice in his head that he wasn't good enough for you eventually won. But he wanted you to stay, he wanted you to stay for him and save him from yourself but you were too fragile, you deserved someone better.

The more you dated, the more toxic you became.

Before him, you were happy; you had a life outside of him, you had friends, a family. Until you dedicated all your time to loving him, to proving to him that he was not only enough for you, but enough for himself as well.

You proved yourself wrong plenty of times. Every time that Rafe degraded you for even sticking around, you knew that he was right. But you couldn't just walk away, you loved him. You swore to everyone that you loved him more than anything, even when he stabbed you in the back, you still swore that somewhere he loved you back.

You stuck with him through everything. And he still stabbed you in the back, right where it hurts. You thought maybe everyone was wrong, everyone warned you how dangerous it was getting this close to the devil himself, even he did.

You couldn't even blame him at that point.

Rafe had never hated anyone more. The adoration you held for him was a new low for you and that was very low. He hated the fact you tried to prove yourself to him every time they were together and he was tired of it.

That's why he was with this girl right now, doing everything right - doing everything he was supposed to be doing with you. After the pleasure faded, he laid in bed, ignoring her calls of his name.

He got up and put on his clothes, walking out to see the one person he didn't want to. You. His heart dropped once he saw your face.

"What the fuck Rafe?" Was all you managed to choke out as he looked at your face. For the first time in months he registered your pain, and he felt a sharp pain right in the heart. He'd seen you cry more times than he's seen you smile at that point, but for some reason this time it physically pained him.

You were holding flowers in your hand. It was your anniversary, he finally remembered. That's why you were blowing up his phone more than usual today.

"Y/N... I..."

You threw the vase next to him and as the glass shattered, you walked away, your hands wiping your tears. He ran after you, calling your name.

"Y/N, please. Listen, wait. Listen to me."

You turned, your eyes puffy and red. "What do you have to say for yourself, Rafe? You finally pushed me away, this was my last fucking straw. You finally fucking proved yourself, you're a shit human." He knew you didn't mean any of it but it finally clicked in his head that in a few months, you would mean it.

Rafe wanted to cry. "Y/N, I'm so sorry. You never deserved any of it-"

"Rafe, stop." You knew the more he talked, the more he was going to pull you back in. Especially with the whole pained look, he knew you couldn't resist him. "I'm done."

He knew what you meant and this was he wanted, right? You to leave? You to finally realize what a shit human he was? So if he wanted it, why did it hurt? "What?"

"I'm done. I didn't want to tell you but I accepted into (dream college) and I'm going."

He looked down and let out a soft cry.

"I wasn't going to accept it to stay with you."

Rafe looked up, "But I love you."

"No. You don't."

You thought you would've been crying harder but it seems like you were just tired. Tired of the same old thing, same apologizes, same habits. It was draining. You wanted back your life and you knew you can't have Rafe and your life, you had to choose one. And for the first time in months, you did something for you.

When you left, Rafe had somehow hit a new low. He realized that you were the one for him, if he had just given you a chance. If he hadn't listen to that voice in his head, maybe he wouldn't have turned out the way his father sees him; a coke addict with no future.

If he had treated you right maybe he would've gotten what he's always dreamed; a beautiful wife, beautiful kids and a home far away from the Outer Banks. But he gave it all away, for what? A quick fuck? Some coke?

Maybe one day, when he's sober and you're happier, he can get a second chance.

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wetcatspellcaster · 1 month

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7 and 8 for the Tav asks. :D and congrats on the thesis!

Thank you for the questions! Sorry for the long answer!

7. Describe their arc. How would a player help resolve it? What choices can be made? Can your Tav be turned down a dark path, or pulled to a lighter one?

So I thought about this a lot, the Good Ending for Rosalie is she's Just A Person, the Bad Ending is that she volunteers to become the mindflayer at the Orpheus decision for ENTIRELY THE WRONG REASONS (feeling like a liability, believing it's the only way to cure her mental illness, seeing herself as the weak link in the group, being depressed, etc. - this ending bought to you by me staring at that decision screen for an hour KNOWING she'd turn herself into a mindflayer in a heartbeat but feeling physically ill over her logic behind that decision). This is the 'exalted mind' ending.

So there is a bad path for her, but it's one bought about by being self-sacrificing to the point of absolute idiocy and self destruction. I think that Tav literally swerves her away from it by teaching her to be a little selfish and to value herself lmao. Literally the opposite of most of the other companions, and kind of what I wish you could teach Wyll in his storyline tbh!

Her arc would be her just generally being over-emotional and reckless, with lots of camp chats about morality in Act 1 (I would probably double down on the tropes that fandoms hate in female characters a la Katara in Avatar the Last Airbender just for the lols). I want her ending Act 1 feeling like a trite 'heart of the group', ridiculous Mary Sue, she talks to you a lot about how you're feeling, are you ok? Borderline annoying tbh, but with the EA Halsin Effect of "oh, you're the companion who's nicest to me!!". Then in Act 1/2 depending on approval she does something utterly stupid, like run into a fight alone unprompted (death to a wizard), or possibly have Ethel specific dialogue that pisses Ethel off if she's in your party, and the player starts thinking "god this girl is a bit weird and reckless and stupid at times actually", and calling her out on it gets the illithid tadpole as anxiety med drop.

Act 3, you start meeting people from her past (bonus comedy route for if you just enabled all her behaviour at this point to be nice to her and get her approval bc then the illithid tadpole drop happens here). Larroakan is like "aren't you that mousy little scribe who completed those commissions for me?", you can find Threnn, possibly did an infernal translation for Gortash (not canon just for story tie-in)???? and they're all like "who the fuck are you? why are you so different now". There would be a confrontation about lying about who she is, a camp conversation about the pressure they face as the 'heroes of Baldur's Gate" and how she feels inadequate. And then in the conversation with Threnn, and the final Orpheus conversation, Tav can encourage Rose to have an actually healthy relationship with her emotions and not see her every choice as a failing actually. Then you unlock real Rose personality and a final decision where she doesn't try and throw herself on her sword.

8. After Act 3, what does their life look like? What are they talking about at the reunion party?

Good ending Rosalie has rebuilt her relationships with her family, she's back at the Watchful Order but getting all their backlog of heroic deeds retroactively converted into a wizard qualification, and unromanced she'll mention that she's either considering going on secondment to Avernus or helping Halsin in the Shadowlands/feywild as her practical project for the final part of her grade. She will have visited every single companion in the six months (Wyll/Karlach as a projection). She will mention going to tea weekly with Gale given that she's fast-tracking wizardry/he needs a friend group and practice at being a normie and they live in the same city. She will name drop being friends with Tara very smugly.

Bad ending Rosalie is a mindflayer and will talk about the magic she's capable of and the power she's unlocking, now she's no longer letting emotion cloud her judgement. You can ask her about her parents and if she's gotten back in touch and she says, "oh, right. I used to have those."

tav ask game! :)

#asks #ask game #tav ask game #honestly Rosalie is me getting frustrated at Lawful Good being seen as the 'boring' option and doubling down...#...so I imagine she'd annoy a bunch of people A LOT :')#(it was a very specific Early Access feeling... ifykyk)

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midwestmade29 · 4 months

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Need You Now 🧡

After going through a lil dry spell with my writing, this angsty number came out of nowhere 😂 I think it’s my longest story I’ve written to date! I gotta stay out of my funk and get back to it. Too many stories left to tell 🖤

Word count: 2,736 Divider by: @saradika-graphics

Disclaimers: Cursing, alcohol consumption, drunkenness, unprotected sex. Read at your own discretion.

It had been months since you last talked to him. Months since you last felt his warm embrace. Months since you left your cowboy. You’d think the more time went on that being without him would get easier, but it hasn’t. You still miss him- long for him, you’ve just learned to function with a large piece of your heart missing. Matt and Nick gave you updates on Hangman whenever you asked for them, but usually they were all the same. “Still drinking himself stupid, won’t listen to anyone. He asked about you the other day. His face lit up when we told him you are doing well, you could tell he was happy to hear it.” As much as it pained you to hear that Adam was still stuck in his self-destructive ways, you knew there wasn’t much you could do for him that you hadn’t already tried. All the drunken nights you had with him played repeatedly in your mind, always having the same ending where you would go to leave, and Adam would find a way to get you to stay. “Tell me what I can do to make you stay. What I can say, so you won’t leave. I need to know how I can fix this!” was always the classic plea he used along with drunkenly falling to his knees and wrapping his arms around your legs. It usually did the trick.

Working backstage had its advantages because you always knew the schedule for the night, allowing you to duck out of sight whenever Adam was supposed to be around. Avoiding him wasn’t always easy though. There was the time where you heard his voice coming down the hallway and you had to duck into a nearby storage closet to stay out of sight. Or the time you hid behind Satnam Singh when Hangman got backstage early. You knew going to these lengths to stay hidden were ridiculous, but it had to be done. If you were to get one glimpse at Adam’s handsome face, the wall you worked so hard to build around your heart would surely crumble. Call it bad luck, call it fate, whatever it was worked against you when you stepped off the elevator at your hotel and crashed into the person standing on the other side of the doors. Your head was down, your eyes locked onto your phone screen making you unaware of your surroundings at the moment of the collision. Both of you dropped your phones and bent down at the same time to pick them up, all color draining from your face when you saw a picture of yourself light up on the other person’s lock screen.

“Hi, Y/N,” Adam said uncertainly. You were too stunned to pick your jaw up off the floor, so you remained crouched down with your hand over Adam’s phone. The silence between you began to grow uncomfortable the longer you stared at his face until he cleared his throat snapping you out of your stupor. Your cheeks were burning as you apologized, “Oh! I-I’m sorry! I wasn’t paying attention! Here’s your phone. I hope it’s alright!” Adam smiled at you when you handed him the phone, reassuring you that everything was all good. When the two of you stood up, it was evident that Adam felt a little embarrassed too as he ran his fingers through his hair and asked, “I guess you saw my lock screen, huh?” You only nodded in response, unsure of what to say to the handsome cowboy in front of you. Adam rocked on his heels, willing the words to come out of his mouth, but instead he remained quiet. A sad smile covered your face when you spoke softly, “Well, I better get going. Sorry again, Adam.” You grabbed your phone gently from his large hand, walking away immediately only to be stopped by a gentle tug on your arm. “Y/N, wait! Please. I-I was hoping we could talk. I’m free right now if you are…” his voice trailed off when he noticed a flash of hurt wash over your face. He knew you were about to make up an excuse and say no, so he had to think of something fast to get you to change your mind. “Please, Y/N. Just give me 5, 10 minutes tops and then we can go our separate ways,” his voice wobbly as he quietly begged. You fought an internal battle within yourself between your heart and your head, your logical mind ultimately winning. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Adam. It was nice to see you though. You look well! I hear you have a title shot next week on Dynamite. Best of luck to you,” you offered with the sincerest smile you could muster up before pulling your arm from his gentle hold and walking away, once again leaving a piece of your heart behind.

Your back slid down the door to your room once it latched with a loud click. The tears you fought so hard to hold inside in front of Adam were flowing freely now, your body quivering as you started to sob. Being face to face with him like that after all this time was just as hard as you thought it would be, and the fact that it was so unexpected made it worse! As you wiped your tears, images of the smile he gave you started to haunt you. His light eyes looking into yours flooded your memory. The sight of his thicker facial hair awakening something deep inside you. When you told Adam that he looked well, you really meant it! He looked much better than The Bucks had led on. His dark circles were a little lighter, his physique a little slimmer and more muscular, and his words came across clearly, no stammering or slurring when he spoke. As you pulled yourself off the floor, you started to regret not taking him up on his offer to talk. His voice sounded as sweet as honey when he said your name- God how you missed hearing it fall from his lips! But the wall around your heart kept him out, protecting you from any more hurt he might cause, leaving you alone again just like how you spent most of your nights. Any other time when you felt like sitting in your feelings, you would indulge yourself in things that made you happy like a bubble bath or eating all chocolate in sight, but tonight you already had plans you had to follow through on. A date to be exact.

Kenny was incredibly sweet, showering you with compliments, opening the car door for you, and pulling out your chair at the restaurant. He had asked you on this date weeks ago, but you just said “yes” a few days ago. You knew you were playing with fire going on a date with Adam’s old tag team partner and friend, but you couldn’t base your life choices on his feelings anymore. “This place is lovely, Kenny! How did you find it?” you asked while placing your napkin on your lap. “A couple friends recommended it. Make sure to save room for dessert, that’s what they’re known for here!” he smiled. Conversation with Kenny was easy and effortless and filled with laughter, all without the help of alcohol. It was refreshing spending an evening with someone that didn’t smell like whiskey or rely on the amber liquid to get through the night. And yet, your mind still drifted back to Hangman. Different scenarios ran wild through your mind as you tried to figure out why Adam seemed to be doing so well during your brief interaction. Was he seeing someone new? Did he actually quit drinking finally? Or was he just simply better off without you? While you wanted Adam to be happy, picturing him with someone else made your heart ache. You knew it was ridiculous to feel that way since you were sitting across the table from his former friend, but it still hurt. “Are you okay, Y/N?” Kenny asked, his voice laced with concern. “You kind of spaced out on me there. What’s on your mind?” Your stomach did a flip at the thought of explaining to Kenny what really was going through your mind, but lying wasn’t really your style. You took a chance and explained the run in you had with Adam earlier, altering the course of your night drastically. “…It was the first time I had been face to face with him in months. I’m sorry for bringing him up on our date, I just wanted to be honest and let you know where my head was at. I understand if you want to call it a night early.” Your eyes fell to your lap after your confession, while Kenny’s face was unreadable. Kenny’s next words made your blood boil.

“I see,” he said flatly. “Take it from someone who has been through this countless times with Hangman. I’ve known him for a long time, spent many days and nights on the road with him and watching him sabotage anything and everything good that comes his way. He won’t change. You can’t change him. He’s a joke Y/N! You’re better off without him.” “How can you say that?! You were his best friend and I know you cared for him. And now, when he needs his friend the most, you toss him out like he’s a piece of trash!” your voice was elevated as your protectiveness over Adam resurfaced. Kenny chuckled through his words when he brought up his next point, “But, didn’t you leave him too? You might not have tossed him to the curb like you claim I did, but you just told me you hadn’t seen him in months. Word it however you want, sugar. You got tired of his drinking and need to wreck everything and left him just like the rest of us did.” Both of you deemed your date unsalvageable after your conversation, so you took an Uber back to your hotel- alone. You paced back and forth in your room, trying to calm your racing mind and make sense of what had happened at dinner. It wasn’t lost on you that you had committed the same offense against Adam like most of his friends did, but you had stuck around longer than anyone else. You tried everything you could to help him, loving him through all the rough days and drunken nights while sacrificing anything and everything you could for him. When you felt like you were being sucked down the same rabbit hole as him, you made the difficult choice to wave the white flag and save yourself.

Anger started to turn into frustration which turned into tears and remorse over how you ended things with Adam. You were considering going on a run to help clear your mind and blow off steam when your phone vibrated on the table. Your heart leaped into your throat when you saw who it was from.

My Cowboy: I have been trying, Y/N. I’m trying to be better for myself, and for you. It may not seem like much, but I have cut way back on my drinking and I’m working on changing the thoughts that go through my head. I’ve been kicking myself all day for letting you walk away again. I should’ve held onto your arm tighter and made you stay and listen to what I wanted to say. I realize my words haven’t always matched up with my actions. I’ll do whatever I can to restore your faith in me.

Your heart was pounding against your chest as you read his words over and over again. You decided you were done with thinking. It was time to feel instead. You rapidly sent your reply to Adam:

My Girl: Room 1585. Hurry.

It took no time at all for a soft knock to tap against your door. With a deep breath, you opened it slowly, revealing the tall and handsome cowboy you fell in love with on the other side. You motioned for him to come in, and he did so cautiously. He knew he wasn’t in the clear yet, having many obstacles to overcome before he could regain your trust again. Adam tried to speak first, but you didn’t let him. Your words were rushed and almost frantic as they left your lips, “I hate how my bed still smells like you. I hate how you’re the first thought that crosses my mind in the morning and before I fall asleep at night. I hate that no matter how hard I tried, I never stopped thinking of you. I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry I gave up on you.” Adam closed the gap between you, cupping your cheek in his hand while looking deeply in your eyes. You felt yourself melt in his palm, his words making part of the wall around your heart crumble, “I realize now just how much of a problem my drinking and negative thoughts were. Looking back on how things ended between us, I understand why you left. You didn’t deserve all those late-night calls and texts, or me showing up at your door drunk off my ass. I put you in a terrible position time and time again, and you stayed longer than you should have. It’s me who is sorry, Y/N. I’m so, so sorry for all the trouble and pain I’ve caused you.” Adam rested his forehead against yours, a weight felt like it had been lifted off your shoulders hearing him apologize. This time it truly felt different. It felt like a real apology and not one that was meaningless like all the ones before. You knew you were done for after Adam brushed his nose against yours and whispered, “You know, you never really left me, Y/N. I always carried you with me in my heart. You’ve been my motivation to do better- to be better. I will show you that I’m worth one last chance.”

Kissing your cowboy again was something you had dreamt about many times over the past few months. When your lips crashed against his, the kiss was even better than you could’ve imagined! He no longer tasted like whiskey, just pure sweetness, and love. You moaned into Adam’s mouth as your tongues danced together to an old familiar song, intertwining themselves and leaving you breathless. The air in the room was thick with desire, the temperature surely had risen at least 20 degrees! Hagman lifted you with ease, your legs wrapping themselves around his waist as he carried you over to the bed. He refused to let you go as he gently lowered you onto the mattress, pulling you as close to him as physically possible. What started out as pure sugar, quickly changed into spice as you and your cowboy practically ripped each other’s clothes off! Your body shivered against Adam’s once you were finally skin on skin, and you gasped when he slid himself inside of you. His movements were purposeful and deep as his tip brushed against your walls, hitting all the right spots! Adam cursed under his breath the more pleasure overtook him, and when your name fell from his lips in a breathy moan, you felt yourself start to unravel. “A-Adam! I’m so close. Please, don’t st-stop!” you cried out. Your words encouraged him to keep his pace, ultimately bringing you to your climax. His words elevated your orgasm that much more, “That’s it, my angel. Let yourself go all over me. God, you’re so beautiful!” You let out a contented sigh as you came down from your high and as you felt your cowboy pulsate against your walls as he filled you with his seed.

Your heart felt whole as you laid in Adam’s embrace. The warmth of his body against yours was something you had missed dearly, and you felt like you could stay like this forever. The two of you had a long road ahead filled with hard work, patience, and love as you both try to make things right and start on a new journey. You had a sense of renewed hope after reuniting with Adam, and you could only pray that you would never have to experience your heart walking around outside of your body again.

#hangman adam page #adam page #all elite wrestling #aew #aew fanfiction #hangman adam page fanfiction #adam page fanfiction #adam page fanfic #adam page x y/n #adam page x you #adam page x reader #Spotify

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ax-y10 · 8 months

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Wilbur x reader based on the song Yes, to Err is Human, So don't be One. (Song) by Will Wood please!!

Are We (On The Same Page Yet?)

In which- Wilbur struggles inside his head, and while you don't quite understand, you only realise what he meant after you broke up

A/n: This is very similar to my other Will Wood Ask, in terms of meaning, and it being really sad. I had to listen to this and look up the meaning as well. I'll make this a happy ending (for my sake) but mainly angst. I do not condone getting back with your ex if they have hurt you in any form (however, this isn't about that). I don't listen to Will Wood that much so this was really short, sorry.

Chapter info: Angsty I'm sorry, breaking up, self-destructive tendencies, "inner demons", reader and Wilbur get back together, misunderstanding

Pronouns: None (You/Yours)

Masterlist:

"Dead from the neck up, but living just enough To beg you, pretty boy, please let me die"

His inner demons were scratching away at his skull, making him weaker and weaker each passing day, and pulling him away from the relationship to distance himself. Yes, he knew he shouldn't be in this position, but if everything went well a few months ago, he wouldn't be here in this state.

All he needed right now was to suck his lover dry, steal their affection and swaddle himself in it, make himself feel smaller and warmer, and drain their blood like a vampire, taking any life and taking it as his own. He didn't know why he wanted to, especially the last, but it was all he could think about.

"We only ever notice what's in front of us"

He felt as if you were on his shoulder, constantly watching over him, criticising what he was doing to himself, the blade dropped against the floor, a small splotch of red dabbed in his arm.

'Fuck. I can't keep doing this,' and down the stairs he was rushing. You were at the table, slowly eating your spaghetti. He could bet that his dinner would be cold, you having called him down a good 20 minutes, and god did he feel guilty.

"What do you do in the bathroom for 20 minutes, Wil?"

"Are we on the same page yet, I'm getting old here!"

And he knew he couldn't bring himself to talk to you about it, praying that you understood him, but all you could speak was a plain "What are you on about, Wilbur? What is going on?" And yet he still couldn't open his mouth to say the simple words "I'm sorry," or "I love you,".

And out the door he was, the question hung in the air, him opting to walk off and hopefully talk to you in passing, dealing with his head by himself without the guilt of leaving you sat on the couch, wondering when he would come out of the shower.

"...to err is human..."

A text notification popped up on his screen-

'Come back' a plain and simple message that he could ignore, since he had started to not associate everything with you.

A few minutes later another ping sounded from his phone-

'I finally understand. Please, William, come back' he knew it was serious when you used his full name, and he rushed out of the door, despite it pouring rain and in a simple black t-shirt and basketball shorts.

Reaching your door, he frantically knocked on your door, forgetting that he could still waltz in, and waited for your small body to appear behind the door.

Knocking again, he finally heard a faint "COME IN!" from inside, and he rushed in through the door and flung his arms around your waist and begged to stay, begged for you to stay, and promised he wouldn't do it again.

#wilbur soot #wilbur soot imagine #wilbur x reader #wilbur #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur fluff #wilbur soot fluff #wilbur soot fic #wilbur imagine #100 followers #100 follower event #follower milestone #event

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orangesrotting · 1 year

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hm okay like this is my take on the post-why did you drop out of yale rogan fight that no one asked for!! inspired by a tiktok i saw where the comments were all pro-logan but i digress. i digress. we start off w rory (RIGHTLY) calling logan out for being an absolute jerk to jess. which he was. and we all know it. logan, in typical huntzberger fashion, brushes it off + claims that writers are sensitive + that if jess wanted to, he should’ve “taken a pop at [logan]”. what is rlly funny 2 me abt this is that this is so so similar to what mitchum said to rory?? like mitchum dismissed rory in a really similar fashion to logan just dismissing jess’s accomplishments. and both have that air of oh-if-they-wanted-to-prove-me-wrong-they-could yk? idk i thought that was interesting. and then he ends all that by saying that rory shouldn’t let jess get to her. which. this is one of many many scenes that show truly just how incompatible rory and logan are, just because it’s been proved just time and time again that logan does not understand who rory is and also just doesn’t care. rory obv responds saying that logan is the one getting to her and that he was an ass. logan retorts saying that he’s sorry that he messed things up (but he’s obv not, when has that man ever been sorry in his life). this is kinda when we segue into rory’s underlying crisis with everything that’s happening. she calls logan out for mocking jess when he’s actually accomplished something amazing (logan saying everyone’s doing something like. lol what are you accomplishing exactly?? stole 2 yachts probably set a world record but like...that is rich coming from him), and goes on to say that she’s unhappy with her life bc she feels like she’s not doing anything. and as viewers we know that this is nowhere near the vision rory had for her life, and she’s so unhappy bc she doesn’t belong in the dar, she doesn’t belong in logan’s world, just partying her sadness away. rory is so deeply unhappy with where she is in life right now, and logan isn’t even listening to her he’s just telling her that it’s temporary and she should have a drink!! and this is again. just. such a good example of why they’re so so incompatible bc rory needs someone who is going to push her to be the best person she can be, someone who’s not going to take her shit and redirect her to who she actually is when it gets hard, not someone who’s just going to let her continue her self-destructive behavior just bc he’s doing all that too!!! like rory is spiraling and she’s at rock bottom in her life and logan has absolutely nothing to say until he feels like she’s criticizing him. like bro not everything is abt u sorry!!! she’s talking abt herself and logan comes at her when she wounds his pride a lil like...partying and drinking is not who rory is point blank!! and he just puts it all on her like yes it’s her choice to be partying and drinking but that’s also just. all he does and he knows it!! and rory says that and he just. launches into a monologue of self pity about the great huntzberger dynasty and how he’s being pushed through only one door and it’s like. rory is so right he doesn’t have a hard life he doesn’t know what it’s like to actually work for what you have. and yes i welcome the convo abt rory also having a lot of privilege but her privilege ≠ logan’s privilege at all!!! they’re very different!! but rory is so right in this scene bc we’ve never seen logan actually fight it. and logan has no aims!! no goals!! no passions!! he just wants to continue abusing his family’s wealth with no consequences!! like this is the only time u will see me agree w mitchum huntzberger but like. logan should be pushed thru that door bc he has no actual aims in life...and also like. logan saying that he gave rory a month is so absolutely useless bc he never once checks up on her. he never once comments ab how dropping out is uncharacteristic of her. never asks her if she’s doing alright??? no he just gives her a month like she’s going to fix herself and btw. yeah it did have smth to do w you!!! it had everything to do w you in fact...it was ur father that said all that shit that got in her head. and he never even disagreed w his dad btw. like god sometimes i wonder if logan ever even LIKED rory or just felt attracted to her bc she was the first girl who didn’t give him time of day like...he never once felt concern for her? when she dropped out of the school she worked so hard to get in to? like it’s wild to me truly. like even in this argument his main point is to absolve himself of any blame in rory’s dropping out/rory’s spiral. like there is no concern. he doesn’t care!!! his gf, the one he apparently loves sooo much, is spiraling and struggling and he does not give a fuck. he only shows any sort of emotion when she criticizes his lifestyle and when he feels like he’s to blame for her situation. like that says so much...

#if u made it all the way thru to the end ily #that is my essay if anyone acc reads it um. yeah i'm sorry i'm not active school is just sm </3 #gilmore girls #tv #rory gilmore #logan huntzberger #anti rogan #anti logan huntzberger

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angelofthenight · 1 year

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The Monster You Created Pt.7

(Sam Fortner x Reader)

Warnings: Yandere!Sam, Dark themes, Swearing, Kidnapping situation, Unreciprocated love, Manipulation, “I could fix her” syndrome, Daddy issues, Mental breakdown, Hurt-comfort(?), Male rage, YN kind of has ptsd, Physical aggression kinda

Word Count: 4.7k

Table of Contents

( So sorry this took so long but I did warn y’all that Game of Thrones has me locked and bound and gagged in it’s basement )

You and Sam sat while eating lunch as the T.V. played a Halloween movie. Yeah, it was already nearing Halloween. You’ve been in Sam’s basement for a little over four weeks now, although you swore it felt more like four months.

You knew you have slowly been gaining Sam’s trust more and more each day as you remained on your best behavior. Maybe suspiciously a little too good of behavior but Sam was probably too delusional and blinded by his own happiness to notice; a fool too enchanted by the possibilities your potential love provided to even see that you were manipulating him by his own unhealthy infatuation with you every time you spoke.

You sometimes feared you would get too caught up in pretending and you wouldn’t even notice the stockholm syndrome if it hit you in the face. But your stubborn willpower was still far too strong to let that happen. Especially since Sam’s occasional prying about your childhood and relationship with your dad, along with your self-destructive phase after he left, aggravated you far too much.

In fact, he was a little too curious about that part of your life. He talked about it so carefully as if he was walking on eggshells with you, as if the two of you were in a therapy session about your dad.

You glanced over to Sam who was finishing up his lunch, a suspicious glare set in your eyes. “There’s another reason why you brought me here, isn’t there?” You spoke out and by the way his eyes widened and shot to the floor you knew you were onto something. “What is it? And be honest.” You sternly said, your eyes analyzing his every move of body language.

Sam poked and mixed his food with his plastic fork as he bit his bottom lip with a tight jaw. “This…” he started then sighed, “this wasn’t just about you helping me… I want to help you too.”

Your brows pinched together. “Help me? Help me with what?” Sam sighed loudly again, like he was hoping you wouldn’t ask him that. He tossed his plate to the table before throwing his head back, taking another heavy, loud breath. All in another breath, he snapped his head back up to look straight at you. “Your boyfriend’s a shit-eating asshole. And who else was a shit-eating asshole in your life? Your dad.”

Your eyes twitched wider.

“You’re only with your boyfriend because he reminds you of your dad and-and you wanna heal your pain of not having a dad in your life for so long.” Sam said in a jittery tone as his eyes casted down to his lap, struggling to find the right words. “I… I thought if I separated you from him it would give you time to like… reflect on yourself.” A long string of silence rolled by before he nervously looked over to you to see why you weren’t responding.

He was met with your stone glare, eyebrows so furrowed they enveloped your eyelids, and parted lips. “So what?” You said loudly. “You thought you could “fix” me? You thought the only thing keeping me from falling for you was because of some bullshit “daddy issues”?” You barked out.

“I’m fine now! All that “pain” you’re talking about, it’s all in the past now. I am healed. I have done my self-reflection. You and I are not the same. My dad did not fuck me up.” You hadn’t realized the tears piling up in your eyes until you found it harder to speak through your tightening throat from just simply talking about it. You sharply inhaled and darted your pupils up to prevent those drops of salt water from pouring over your bottom lash lines. Your exhale came out shaky.

“You can cry. It’s alright.” Sam’s voice reached your ears softly. You harshly sniffled, desperately holding in your tears and the sob that you were trapping in your own throat. You didn’t want to expose yourself in such a vulnerable way in front of him. He was the last person you’d want to let your guard down around, you feared it would give him too big of an ego boost and motive to touch you.

You took a hard gulp as an attempt to swallow the heavy lump in your throat, your lips tightly shut. “I know you need to let it out.” Sam said again, his eyes on you sad and pained. “You can let it out here. You’re safe and would never be judged here.” Sam practically begged, hating to see you trying so hard to remain strong.

You abruptly stood up. “I need a nap.” You said extremely hoarsely and breathy. Your stiff body turned around and only made it two steps before your knees locked and you fell to the floor, knees first and landing on your elbows and forearms. Your sob finally spilled out of your throat and came out in an anguished rip, your red cracked eyes squeezing shut as tears gushed out like an open, fatal wound. Your face twisted in heartbreaking agony with your forehead pressed to the floor as your chest was in painful torture. You choked and wheezed on your own sobs and wails while burning fresh tear trails constantly replaced the ones before it down your red cheeks.

Sam was up on his feet the millisecond you hit the floor. He was frozen for a moment, not really knowing what to do even though he fantasized himself comforting you through crying breakdowns hundreds of times. He hesitantly took steps over to your hunched form to take a knee and steadily placed a hand on your convulsing back. You didn’t seem to physically mind or realize his touch so he began rubbing circles on your back as you finally let out years worth of pent up pain through ugly sobs.

He didn’t dare hush you in a comforting manner, instead just whispering encouragement. “Let it out. Let it all out.” He quietly said before you gasped in a breath to scream out another long wail.

Your tearful meltdown lasted two whole hours with you slowing down and your breathing returning to normal before your thoughts would rewind and flash you back to your child and teenhood memories so your bawling howls would start all over again. When you were fairly certain you had burned yourself out, you silently lifted your numb and dizzy body up to the bed to lay down.

Sam assisted you as much as you let him and once you were laid down he carefully said, “I’ll go get you some water and ibuprofen.” He turned around before he heard you weakly say, “Can you wake me up when it’s dinner.” He turned back around, lips parted and brows curving up. “Um… y-yeah. Yeah, I’ll wake you when it’s dinnertime.” He redirected himself to instead head for his room but before he pushed his door open he heard your delicate voice once again.

“Thank you, Sam.”

Sam felt himself smile and his chest warmly fluttered, softly inhaling as if in a dream. “Yeah… it’s-it’s no problem. I’d do anything for you.” He said as he stared at his door, euphoric ecstasy fogging up his mind and he knew by just your gentle voice of gratitude that he would forever be doomed as your slave. But what bliss that was.

Once you heard Sam go into his room, your numb face somehow let out a hushed scoff. Who knew that actually letting go of your dignity momentarily would get him wrapped around your finger so simply. You honestly didn’t plan on your dramatic sobbing mess, you truly did try to fight it. But after your painful cries died down you realized how much of a perfect opportunity it was to reel in Sam’s ignorant trust.

What. A. Fool.

But what man wasn’t?

It was Halloween night, four nights after your breakdown with tears of trauma and you used those four nights to pretend to slowly warm up to Sam and give him just breadcrumbs of what he wanted from you; gratitude, obedience, vulnerability, attention, and domestication. And with dangling all of that in front of him it only left him as a mess of desperation and longing; a blind fool too lovesick to even see the manipulation right in front of his eyes. Sometimes, you felt as if you were the free one and he was the one on a leash you were holding.

So with all of this on your side, you finally felt it was safe enough to get that shower privilege.

“Hey Sam?” You asked casually, trying to make yourself seem like you were getting too used to your predicament. Sam hummed as he looked up from his dinner to look up at you through starry eyes. You purposely bit your lip. “I know you’re gonna say no, and I won’t blame you if you do, but I was wondering if I could maybe get that shower I’ve been wanting for awhile now?”

Sam halted his eating, looking to the ground as he went into thought. Your heart anxiously pounded as you begged in your mind for him to approve, you’ve sacrificed too much of your self respect to be denied.

He swallowed his food and glanced over to stare at you. “I think you’ve been behaving enough to earn it.” The sight of the burst of a wide smile on your tired face brought a small one to Sam’s. It felt good to reward you.

“You could hold the chain if it makes you feel better.” You offered, trying to make it sound like you were putting him first. Sam paused to think before shaking his head and returning to his food. “No, I don’t think you need that.”

He was even stupider than you were hoping. You were honestly surprised of how perfect that went since of how hugely controlling he was.

“You can take it after dinner.” Sam added but meant it more as a question. You nodded with a lively smile. “Yeah, that’d be great. Thank you.” Sam pressed his lips together as he felt an energized smile attack his face once again.

Dusk had crept over the sky much too delayed for your taste as you had been counting the minutes till dinnertime, eyes glued to the sliding door as you waited for Sam to return home. You scarfed down the takeout food in between buttering Sam up in the most casual ways possible. Just the little things that you knew would stand out to him like letting your gaze linger on him long enough until he looked up to catch you quickly looking away or slipping small smiles over little things he did. All just breadcrumbs of affectionate attention to leave Sam desperate for more.

You waited until Sam was finished with his scraps before you reminded him of your agreement. Sam’s cheerful demeanor seemed to slip a bit, perhaps his doubts and worries started to cling back onto him now that it started to hit him what exactly he was agreeing to. But all those feelings of distrust vanished with a ‘poof’ once he locked eyes with your hopeful and patient ones. You’ve been behaving so well lately and he knew that if he wanted that to continue he would have to reward you.

He stood up and looked down at your big eyes that you casted up at him, so full of patience and compliance; waiting for his instructions. Sam’s breath in his throat grew chopped and heavy, a warmth spreading down his insides. When you looked up at him like that he couldn’t restrain his thoughts from reimagining this scenario with a much different outcome. And a part of him couldn’t help but wonder how far your good behavior and obedience would go…

“You alright?” You asked with an eyebrow raise, an uncomfortable sting setting on your back as he looked down at you with fogged eyes and bated breath. Sam almost choked on his pant as he shook his head to rid of the realization that he was fantasizing lewd acts with you right in front of you. “Y-yeah. I-um… let’s get you that shower.” He stuttered around before quickly taking a knee in front of you to hastily unlock your chain while hiding his reddening face.

Once freed from the chain locked around your ankle, you gathered the small pile of clothes you had chosen earlier on your bed into your arms. You rose to your feet and let Sam, all but quick yet cautious, lead you to his bedroom door. He positioned himself next to you so that you couldn’t run for the door and once he opened the door to his bedroom he switched sides to almost block your view of his room, hurrying you through it to the bathroom and shutting the door with an accidental slam.

You transitioned rooms so quickly you barely had time to register it even happened. But the sight of a new surrounding brought satisfying relief to your mentality. You looked up every wall and took in every crook and cranny, no window though, basking in the joy of something new after being stuck in the same area for weeks straight. You slowly spun around to view the whole room and ended with facing Sam just silently staring at you, not a thought behind those empty eyes.

“Can you… you know.” You awkwardly said, spinning your finger to send the non-verbal message that you wanted some privacy to strip out of your clothes. Sam flinched but flusteredly stuttered nonetheless. “Y-y-yeah! No problem.” He shuffled around so that his back was now facing you.

You eyed his back as you slowly lifted your top over your head. Once it was off you tore your eyes off him and finished off your shedding of clothes to quickly slip into the shower, spreading the curtain hurriedly to hide your bare naked form just in case he wanted to try to sneak a glance.

You exhaled in pure bliss when the first couple of water splashes fell upon your body. You nearly cried tears of joy as the water soon drenched you like a warm embrace. You couldn’t stop your thrilled smile as you spread the water with your hands all over your body, rubbing and massaging the warm water into your tense muscles and dry skin. It was heaven. Even when your fingertips pruned and you began to feel light dizziness from the steam, you still happily bathed.

You honestly didn’t want to leave, you haven’t felt this happy and safe for so long. You wanted to soak it up for as long as you possibly could. But unfortunately all good things must come to an end. You knew that since now you had Sam’s delicate trust you could rejoin with the shower at any time you wished, you had to remind yourself of that.

So with a deep, defeated, sad sigh you twisted the knob until the shower rain slowed down to a stop. You peeked out the curtain to find Sam in the same place you had left him. You stepped out of the small shower to instantly begin drying your dripping body and squeezing the droplets out of your drenched hair. As you kept glancing to check on Sam, you began to tug your clothes back on and convinced yourself to not be sad that your shower ended but instead be happy it even happened in the first place.

But in that moment, you recognized a chance; an opportunity.

It was Halloween night. People were out of their houses, teenagers and college kids were replacing children on the streets, this was a lively night. A once in a lifetime opportunity.

You couldn’t stop your own scheming even when you kept telling yourself that one of the reasons you worked so hard for this was so that you could build a sturdier trust with Sam that would eventually lead to more privileges. But now that you were up and free, you didn’t want to go back to that chain. Not when freedom was so close that you could taste it!

You kept telling yourself not to, the longer you waited the better of a chance would come for your escape. But you also couldn’t bear to pass up this opportunity.

You stared at the top of the toilet tank. It had to have been heavy enough to make a good weapon. You could use it to knock out Sam who still had his loyal eyes stuck to the door and make a run for it. It was that easy. This was the perfect chance.

You carefully held your breath as you reached for the top of the toilet tank, quietly taking it in your hands and testing its weight. It was perfect. You didn’t underestimate your strength, at work you mashed fruit every single day and surprisingly gained quite a bit of muscle from it. You turned to Sam and steadied your breath, lifting the tank lid and readying your swing as you stalked towards your kidnapper.

You pulled back and swung high, aiming for the back of his head.

But your strength had failed you.

You hadn’t realized that not consistently working your arms affected your strength especially after weeks of constant tiredness and not moving around as much. Your muscles gave out as soon as you swung the lid high and your aim and lunge had weakened to only do as much as getting him to the floor with a pained groan and hands holding the back of his head.

Your steady breathing fell apart into wheezes of high adrenaline. You had done it. And if you wanted to live to be proud of it you had to leave now. While he was still hunched on the ground.

A part of you wanted to stay and use this to your advantage. To grab the tank lid and fucking smash his brains in. But you chose your freedom over revenge in that second of debating contemplation, mixed with knowing deep down you didn’t have it in you.

You dropped the lid to the ground and swung the door open, sprinting out of the bathroom, through his room you paid no attention to, and all the way to the sliding door. You threw yourself against the glass door through an unhealthily high adrenaline rush from the stressed hurry and desperation for that breath of fresh air. You tugged the handle to the side to exhale a panicked breath of failure. But as quickly as your hope had been shattered, the fragments seemed to reassemble themselves to create the broken aftermath of what was once whole. All it took was a second, more harsher, tug to slide it open.

That cold October air rushed into the room, hitting you in the face and if you weren’t in a hurry you would’ve stood there for a minute longer to embrace and enjoy that nighttime breeze to wash away that imprisoned stench of mental rot; a funk of a decaying carcass of the woman you were the first night you had been trapped. You wanted that woman back. And she was so close to being yours again. And so as soon as the door slid open you wasted no time in dashing out into the yard, your feet nearly slipping on the scattered fallen autumn leaves that coated the dead grass.

You’ve analyzed the yard weeks ago, already noting the tall fence that surrounded the open area like you were a caged zoo animal. You remember pressing your face against the glass to see further around the area to note the lock on the fence door. But that was no problem to you, you’ve done quite a bit of fence hopping in your life, especially in your rebellious youth.

As your fingers curled and gripped against the chain fence, lifting one of your feet to shove into one of the openings, a weight shoved itself against you, forcing your body to slam against the fence, painfully.

Your blood ran cold just like the night wind; turning to ice at the realization of your reality. You were too slow.

You hissed in a quick breath to blow it out as a, “HEEEEEEL-” Sam’s calloused hands wrapped over and around your body with one firmly gripping over your mouth to cut your scream short whilst the other wrapped around your waist to squeeze your hips against him. His hot breath paired with grunts fanned over your ear and you became much too focused on the painfully audible fluctuation of your heart.

And with that he pitilessly ripped you off the fence and dragged you backwards in pursuit of the open sliding door like the two of you were recreating a scene from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Ever-so hopeful, you continued to thrash; fighting against his bludgeoning grip as you sobbed an onset of pleas through his hand for the possibility of persuasion. But the endeavor of humanistic covetousness could not be reasoned with. Especially after the betrayal of trust and heartbroken awareness of the trickery you had snuck past his attentive eyes.

‘No, no, no, no.’ You repeated in your head as the tendrils of terror squeezed and suffocated your mind, terrified of what was to come due to your failure. You were so close.

You clawed at the air and his firm hands, drumming your heels into the ground only for them to slide into the direction Sam was dragging you. Warm tears flowed down your face and neck and as the foreboding anxiety pricked at your delicate heart, you cried in anguish. Once you were halfway through the door you made one last pathetic attempt of escape or at least a delay to your demise by grabbing the frame like a child refusing to go to the doctor. But Sam had mercilessly thrashed you from your hold, his hand parting from the lower half of your face to slide it shut with a lock.

“Please.” Your voice was hoarse from the endless amounts of crying and screaming for release from his captivity but your pitiful mewls only fell deaf upon disillusioned ears. He was still huffing breaths of fury and groans of pain from your previous hit and run on him. He hauled you against the carpet as you continued to kick and resist and whimper and sob. “Sam, please!” You didn’t exactly know what you were begging for; mercy, forgiveness, another chance? Maybe all three.

Sam threw you down onto the bed, face first, and before you could push yourself up Sam forced your face back into the mattress as he placed a knee on your lower back as you still thrashed around. He roughly grabbed onto your squirming leg and relocked your chain, but not without struggle and a sharp scowl on his face. You continued to pour out sobs from your throat as shiny wet trails populated your cheeks, feeling the pain in your back from his pressured knee. “Sa-am!”

Sam roughly pushed himself off of you to stomp into his room to search for something before coming back out, transitioning into a straddle on your back. He snatched both your arms and crossed them behind your back. It wasn’t until you heard the sound of duct tape unrolling where you panicked and squirmed underneath him, howling out more pleas. “Sam, no! Please!”

“Stop complaining! You did this to yourself!” Sam savagely snapped back at you. It held such a carnivorous bite that you almost didn’t even recognize him by his voice. As he duct taped your forearms together behind your back, you still choked on your own sobs until he suddenly wrapped a dull bandana over your mouth and tied its ends into a tight knot behind your head. Your screaming sobs came out as only muffled hums now, your eyes overflowing and drowning with burning tears which made your iris’ appear as puddles.

Sam got off you once again only to unkindly jerk you around so that you were facing him and sitting up. You came face to face with Sam’s animalistic expression, his breathing drowning in malevolent growls as anger burned him from the inside. It frightened you to your paralyzed bones.

“So what?! This whole time you were just putting on a little “good girl” act?! Faking everything?! Fucking tricking me into actually trusting you only for you to try to run away?!” He lunged forward to ruthlessly grab your shoulders, shaking your trembling form as his ferocious mannerisms only made your tears worse. “Why are you trying to run away?! Run away from me, run away from my love?! All I want to do is love you and care for you and you try to fucking run away from that?! Why the fuck do you wanna leave so bad?!”

He leaned his face closer to continue to yell, his tone holding a feral, barbarous cut; a predatorial rage clawing an implode out of his composure. “I know you need time to adjust and get used to everything but jesus fucking christ how much time do you need?! I’ve been so patient with you and you would be so much happier if you just stopped FUCKING resisting me and fighting me!”

Your brows held the shape of an upside down ‘V’ as you remained bawling your wide bloodshot eyes out, feeling as if the whole world was shaking and that you would pass out from how your inhales for breath got more desperate from the hyperventilation and broke down into wheezes.

“I thought this was going so well! But was that all you could think of the whole time?! Was escaping the only thing on your mind all the time?! Why?! You’re so much safer here with me!” Sam’s own eyes filled up with hot tears as his expression shifted into one of heartbroken desperation. It gave you whiplash how quickly the switch could flip on his emotions. “You can’t leave me, (Y/n)! I don’t know what I’d do without you! If you left me now I’ll die!” His lips quivered, his hand reaching up to grip onto his chest as if he could feel his heart failing.

“I can’t survive without you. You’re the only reason worth living for, you’re my whole world! I need you more than I need air to breathe! I-I’ll do anything you ask me to!! But please don’t ever try to leave me!”

He was sick. There was something wrong with him. He needed help, professional help. You uselessly took note of all this as you grew to loathe your predicament even more, watching the image of the man you once knew crumble away like he was never there to begin with. What was wrong with him?

Your throat felt so heavy that you couldn’t even gulp yet your eyes never stopped leaking that salty substance, your lips shuddering in front of trapped sobs from the tight cloth around your face. Sam finally took notice of how many fresh tears continuously streamed down your cheeks and reached back towards your trembling shoulders. “Sh… don’t cry. I would never hurt you. You know that, right?” He softly said, giving you another mental whiplash from another significant attitude change.

When you didn’t nod to his question it instantly awoken another brutish bark. “RIGHT?!” You squeezed your eyes closed and flinched away from him, not moving far as his iron grip kept you close to him so that you could feel his huffing, foaming breaths on your wet face. “I love you so fucking much that I could never hurt you! Why don’t you understand that?!”

Sam forced himself off you and off the bed to only stand for a few seconds before leaning back down to lowly say to your face with a gripped jaw, “I don’t care how many times it takes to get through to you, I’ll make you realize how much I love you.”

Then he stomped away from your frozen-in-fear composure and into his room, loudly slamming the door and a scream ripped through the walls, “FUUUCK!!” Which was followed by a few crashing sounds and roars of violent frustration.

You huddled into the corner of your bed, pressing your knees to your chest as you instantaneously weeped away with sobs scratching your throat raw.

If you weren’t chained and duct taped and mouth bound, you’d say you’ve been in this exact situation before… with two other men in your life.

Taglist: @alices-halcyon @katlover63 @valareina @kaitcreatesart

#the patient #the patient hulu #the patient fx #yandere sam fortner #sam fortner #yandere #yandere x reader #reader insert #sam fortner x reader #sam fortner imagine #dark fic #domhnall gleeson #Domhnall Gleeson x reader

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melonteee · 8 months

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I enjoyed OPLA and really did like some of the changes they made but now that it's marinated in my brain a bit. It's hard out here being a Sanji enjoyer fr

I feel like it didn't really show his sensitivity and vulnerability. You said something about Baratie arc feeling like a checklist and GOD yeah it really felt like that :'D I always forget the Mihawk fight happened there honestly and am disappointed that parts of the episodes were dedicated to tension between Nami, Luffy and Zoro about the duel rather than... you know... blorbo from my shows

He really did feel like a side character to his own story cause some of the most memorable things about him were completely missed or skimmed over. I h8 that he just talks about the All Blue and it's not that goofy smile from the animanga. Also that he doesn't watch the fight or have this moment of "wait, my dream is worth fighting for". It's kinda said to our face that "he doesn't leave cause he owes Zeff" but I don't feel it the same way I do in the animanga. I have so many weird feelings cause I love some aspects to OPLA. But as a Sanji fan, I'm sad that he's kinda barely in it? And that what they left in were just surface level observations about him: "he's a chef who fights and flirts" um, where's that self-loathing and self-destructive kindness huh??

At least he calls Zoro mosshead once though and I got the joy of replaying that scene in different languages and now know what "mosshead" is in a plethora of languages.

...also have you seen the YOUTOOZ figures for OPLA cause I'm haunted

I just...everyone was stripped of character but Sanji and Usopp were especially so ruined I really do not understand it. Like I'm sorry, using Sanji's pain and trauma as a lesson for Luffy IS a despicable way to frame it, even worse with Luffy not even ACKNOWLEDGING IT??

One's pain in One Piece does not exist to teach any other characters a lesson, Sanji starving on a rock for 2 months does not exist so he can just tell Luffy how hard it is to be a captain. Which doesn't even make SENSE because Zeff wasn't even SANJI'S CAPTAIN AT THE DAMN TIME. NOR HAS HE EVER BEEN?

I feel crazy because everyone seems very lukewarm on it, and maybe I am just insanely attached to Sanji and feel greatly touched by his story, but is using a character's original written trauma as a plot device for ANOTHER character not insulting? Is there ANY respect for Sanji's 2 months of hell there? There's a damn good reason Sanji's story existed to be his OWN and not a motivational speech for LUFFY??

Imagine if Zoro was like "My best friend died, changing the course of my life and putting me through a grief so heavy I now carry her dream with me. Sometimes death of a loved one is an inevitable factor" and Luffy's like "L+ratio+I would kill MY best friend for Sanji" LIKE...WHA....

This is pure insanity I feel like I'm being shot left and right with everything I hear, like I'm glad people are enjoying bits and pieces, truly, but the flaws and disrespect of original character are just so apparent they're doing my head in - especially with how tons of people are choosing to just ignore it.

They tried to give Luffy this weird Water 7 moment, where he had to learn how to be a captain, but this script failed to consider Luffy had to learn that HIMSELF of his OWN circumstances and decisions with Usopp. Yes he was helped by Zoro in Water 7, but Zoro didn't suddenly just trauma dump about how awful a past he had for Luffy to go "Cool. ANYWAYS!" LIKE I JUST...REALLY? Am I crazy or overly biased or what because god damn I'm just jaw dropped at all of this fhgkd

The Baratie is meant to be Luffy witnessing SANJI'S character, and learning of SANJI'S personality and morals - with Sanji then being inspired from Luffy. Where was that? Where was any of that? Why was Sanji's kindness, stubbornness and self-sacrifice side-lined for a character we've been with LONGER at that point to get a bigger spotlight? It's so weird I don't GET IIIIT DFGHJKD

HOWEVER, yes I have seen the merchandise and it scared me KHDFGJKD sorry for that I...truly had a lot of thoughts hhh

#ask

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spritehouse · 4 months

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listen i know i have a few more "mutual self destruction ship" fics then most mentally stable people out there, but here's a concept for another

today i present: married moreid facing the mundane (a concept inspired by nothing's new by rio romeo & no children by the mountain goats)

they're not agents anymore; both of them got out—they escaped every expectation held for them and the horrors they've seen.

they're both in therapy. spencer is sober, derek is finding healthy ways to outlet his anger; everything is good.

and for the first time in their lives, they aren't running from anything or chasing something—there's no race; the adrenaline is gone, and they don't know what to do with themselves.

they aren't quite the self-fulfilling prophecies they were decades ago—keeping everyone at arm's length and lashing out, yelling "i was right! no one will hurt me!" when everyone eventually leaves them—but old habits die hard.

they fight more about stupid things—derek forgot to go grocery shopping or spencer left his things all over the floor and his husband tripped over them, things they'd never normally have problems with—until they're lashing out at each other over every little thing, telling themselves, "i told you. nothing good that i get lasts."

they try couples therapy, different schedules, listen to every bit of advice they can get, anything to keep them afloat, but they're too busy protecting themselves to really get to the root of the problem

so they take a break.

spencer visits emily in london and enrolls in some classes there, and derek spends time in the mountains with hotch to disconnect from everything, and they're happy again

and a few months later, they're together again, walking on eggshells and waiting for the other shoe to drop, and they're misrable

anyways i dont have an ending for this yet, sorry but you get the vicious circle vibes im going for

#lex rambles #lex prompts #criminal minds #spencer reid #derek morgan #moreid #derek morgan x spencer reid

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rey-jake-therapist · 16 days

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗 (i don't know if you do these sorts of chain-letter things, or if you'd prefer not to, but for my part i do like to know which of their works a given author is especially hype on, so consider this an opportunity to gush!)

Well I've only got 6 fics available online so it's going to be easy to answer that LOL I used to have more, all Reylo fics, but one day I took them all off because 1) they were my first and last experience at writing "AUs" aka at playing dolls with characters I never really shipped in their canon universe (sorry for those who like them but I really don't get the popularity of that ship) 2) they were constantly snubbed so I thought I was a hack who couldn't write. Wrong fandom + imposter syndrome = I woke up one morning and went through a destruction phase. I kept the fics in my docs though. There's one I think I could convert into an original story.... One day 🤣

But back to the subject: I'll start to class them by personal preference rather than by fandom, so sorry if it looks a bit messy... Like the inside of my head haha.

Rise and Shine (The Sandman/Sweetbitter crossover)

I wrote this one as a gift for Tom Sturridge 💜 There was a girl on Twitter who had the wonderful idea of putting together a book containing fan art, fan letters and short fics, with the purpose of giving it to Tom when she'd meet him at the Basinkton Con. So I came up with this one shot, where Jake from Sweetbitter meets Dream of the Endless. Definitely my favorite work.

2. Lost Souls (Sweetbitter)

It's an unfinished project but it's my 2nd favorite fic. I just love this story and even though it's quite clear that I lost my audience lately, probably because I spend too much time on my characters' personal story and not enough on the romaaaaance for most of fanfic readers, I like very much the direction it's taking. I'm actually considering dropping it as a fanfic and turning it into an original novel. Lately I've been sick as hell and unable to write a line, but I thought a lot about this fanfiction thing: I don't get the hang of it. I tried, and tried, but I can't seem to grasp what the average fanfic reader wants. And Lost Souls, well, with a few changes I think I can easily make it an original story. Not to mention that "Jake", yikes.... I really don't like that name. Anyway, I love this fic.

3. Dream a Little Dream of Us (The Sandman)

It's my version of "Johanna Constantine, Nuala the Elf and Hob Gadling walk into a bar..." Except it's happening after Morpheus' death, and they're all dreaming. It's a very sweet fic that I wrote for Sandtober 2023 and I like it very much:

4. It's So Cold (Sherlock, platonic Sherlolly)

I warned you it would be messy, didn't I? 🤣 For this one I put myself in Molly Hooper's shoes and tried to imagine remember how it felt to be in love with a man who doesn't love me.

5. Bitter Sweet Lullaby (The Sandman, Dream x OC)

This short "story" is in fact an excerpt from the Sandman fic I began writing several months ago but that I have reworked so it would stand on its own for Sandtober2023.

It tells a part of Dream's past, where a fae named Eleanora, the princess of Faery, made Dream happy. I'm sorry I can't tell you more about her and what happens to her because it would spoil the fun to come, except that she is post Endless Nights and pre-Vortex but pre-Titiana and pre-Alianora.

In this scene I also include Larri Bea’s lovely song ‘Dream’s lullaby’; as it was written specifically for Dream, it gave me the idea of having it sung to him by the woman he loved :)

#ask answered #writing asks #my fics #my writing #the sandman fanfiction #sweetbitter fanfiction #sherlock fanfiction #The sandman #Sweetbitter #Sherlock

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minyare2906 · 2 years

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[RELEASE] HANAKOI TSURANE CH54

Title: Hanakoi Tsurane | Dance of Love | 花恋つらね

Author/Artist: Natsume Isaku Rating: +18

Summary: The self-destructive type, Sougorou is the heir of one of the well-known families in Kabuki world. He has no interests in other actors his age with the exception of Gensuke who he recognizes as his rival and never wants to lose to no matter what. However, fate plays a cruel trick on him and the two of them end up as classmates… How will their relationship develop…?!

Chapter 54 Download/Read online: Here

Note: Hello!! How are you doing my fellow readers? Hope you’re fine and resisting this hellish summer. Seems like the heat is subsiding here, but it still shows its ugly face from time to time.

Volume 9 starts now, yay! Sensei offers us a beautiful coloured cover of the 2 lovebirds, I've cleaned it completely for your enjoyment, hope you like it. I don’t know you, but I think that Sougo looks great with those tattoos, even if they’re fake. I’m dying to see how he does playing Benten, but for now we can only see him being eaten by anxiety, he’s really worried about how this character will turn out. I hope sensei lets us see the result soon, she’s already announced the paper release of chapter 55, so the digital will be out soon ;)

Oh, before I forget, to those of you who read Hanakoi on Mangadex, I’m really sorry! I totally forgot about uploading the chapters, I’ll start today and chapter 54 will be up in a month, as our usual schedule, if I see it up in Mangago sooner, I may upload it sooner as well.

On a side note, I may end up adding a watermark on the Mega release (I’m still mulling over it), because I’m tired of asking not to upload it to Mangago, now they don’t even wait until it’s up on Mangadex, the upload it on the same day or the day after our release. So, if you start seeing huge watermarks, I apologise, but please be understanding. I could talk to the uploaders before to ask them to bring the links down, but I can no longer do it, as now the uploaders’ name is hidden.

For now, I’ll withhold the Mega release for a week, as that’s what I guess they use to upload to aggregator sites. Again, sorry to those of you who are good, respectful readers, but I need to protect my colleagues and myself and aggregator sites are not protective towards the scanlating groups, just think about how many groups have gone private or how many have had to drop projects because the author (with all their right to do so) discovered their pages on those aggregator sites, and the ones who’ll have to do it in the future due to the same thing. I know it’s unfair, but it’s also a way to reward all of you who read it here, you’ll have it available a week before the ones who read it in aggregator sites ;)

I know GDrive is not the most comfortable to read, but it’s the best to not get the pages stolen for now.

After this long testament, I want to thank Adamay for translating so fast and to Toshirodragon for accompanying me into making the texts the best possible, I know you both have little time and you spend it in Hanakoi, I appreciate it so, so much and I know we share our love for those two, thanks so much! A big thank you to @rosesquadscans, you saved this project when I thought it was lost, thank you.

And thanks to all of you! See you in chapter 55!

@cm-scans - @ikahomine

#Hanakoi Tsurane #Natsume Isaku #CM Scans #Download #!Hanakoi Tsurane #Min manga edits

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mal-zoya · 1 year

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so ‘the invisble life of addie larue’ is a book, alright. i wanted a single, non-series, book for my vacation but since i’m sick, i binged this monster in day and a half. and... i understand why booktok and booktubers love this, the writing style is pretentious as fuck, it’s like, i know the author is dark academia girl, i don’t need to google her, i know she is. on the other hand i don’t mind, it’s a vibe, i think this book is meant to be enjoyed in the autumn evening, somewhere cozy with hot cocoa. unfortunately, it’s almost summer and i’m on cough drops.

this is my review, with spoilers. buckle up. i went off.

three main character. addie, miss main girl. henry, “the boy” and luc aka lucifer. the devil.

i very much appreciate luc. he is a straight up cunt. no darkling-like motives to even delude himself that he tries to do good, no no, he is just a freak. which is great, i like him and i hate him. but as everything in this book, he lacks depth. with him, i could forgive it for the sake of mystery. addie is fine, i like her with henry but she is fine. problem i have with her that she lacks agency, she has no goals, no plans until the very last page. yes, she is an invisible girl but damn it girl, do something, be something, anything! henry tho... yes, hello, it is me, who when she sees self destructive boy, i’m like ‘yes! that one!’ his pov is by far the most interesting one but

i hate the fact his addiction and depression are treated like something that can be fixed by love. which is crazy because it is said that it can’t be, he is literally suicidal because of his ex-girlfriend, he makes deal with the devil just “to be loved,” cue 200 pages later, he is fine because he experienced “love.” (yes, the quotation marks are there for a reason, hold up.) i don’t even think this was intentional by the author but i had that feeling and i did not like it. point is, henry strauss didn’t need addie. he needed a therapist. which he didn’t get and as far as i remember no one even suggested it.

speaking of addie, she is a human who no longer feels like human, who craves human connection and in the end she is like eh, it’s fine. this was nice 12 months break in my 300 years of living. and that’s fine but i feel like we should’ve leaned into it more? where is some introspection? where is some soul searching? anything addie, give me anything, don’t be just standing emoji! you are main character ffs!

i already lost my shit over the generic love triangle. which is and isn’t true, it’s painted as a love triangle but no one is actually in love. luc doesn’t know what love even is. addie just wants to be seen and not be alone and henry is in the middle of depressive episode. and yet, it’s all painted as dark and sexy (luc/addie) and fluffy (henry/addie) and again - that would be fine, if addie and henry weren’t openly bi and luc immortal god. i’m sorry, why are we doing this? what is the reason??? i’m bi (myself) and i love representation as much as anyone else, and i am also a big fan of bi/pan people portrayed in straight relationships because that’s just how it usually ends up but it doesn’t erase the sexuality itself, so when i tell you there is absolutely no reason whatsofucking ever to write this “love” triangle as m/f/m relationship, i mean it. why is henry not a woman is beyond me. why is not luc’s and henry’s relationship explored at all is beyond me too.

i haven’t mentioned the side characters yet because honestly, just like with the main trio, there is not much to say. bea is best friend lesbian. she is nice. great. robbie is ex-boyfriend. he is cool. great. muriel is weird younger sister. awesome. addie met some one night stands that i forgot as fast as they did forget her. (there is a cat named Book, which is probably the best thing about this.... book)

i am actually really angry because this piece of literature had potential. it didn’t even need to deliver on all fronts, just one would be enough. i could ignore the weakass plot for deep and interesting characters. i could ignore the underdeveloped characters for the chemistry they have with each other. i could ignore the lack of it for exploration of darker themes. i could ignore the darker themes failing for representation of queer relationships. this book has all of that but it’s all just hinted. it’s a tea spoon of this and pinch of that - you are not making mojito out of this, honey!

here is the thing, i can actually recommend this book. yes, after i totally destroyed it in six paragraphs. this is a book that is meant to give you a vibe, immortal love story with dark stranger vs human love with antique bookstore owner. (my eyes rolled back so hard just writing this line.) if you want just that and cozy up by the fireplace when leafs starts to fall down, it’s perfect. go for it. you will probably love it. i knew going into this that this isn’t the book for me. i am way too cynical, way too critical and beyond fed up with enemies to lovers bad boy/good girl relationships. so all of this is just a rant of someone after reading the thing they never like.

5/10 if you are me. 8/10 if you are probably anyone else.

#the invisible life of addie larue #addie larue #henry strauss #luc whatever

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villanesus · 7 months

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Masooooooon 🤗 for the let's get personal I'd love the answers to:

17, 18, 23, 26, 28, 35, 49, 72, and 79

Thank you, beloved Pistachio! This took me a minute 😅 (Send asks, folks! Pistachio has left you all at least 2 questions from that list.)

17: What was the last lie you told?

Gosh, straight for the throat. 😂 Hm. Oh, I know. Replied to a work message saying “sorry I didn’t see this until just now!” I saw it, I just didn’t want to answer. 🙃

18: Do you believe in karma?

I’d like to (I have a strong sense of justice [an autistic trait]), but I don’t think it’s real. Or at a minimum I don’t think it’s consistent.

23: How do you vent your anger?

As an adult, I usually just vent to a friend. If I’m super furious I will find a minimally destructive activity like tearing up scrap paper or cardboard boxes.

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

For the most part. I’ve realized that every few years when I reflect on my younger self I always feel like that person was an ass clown (no matter what age). But I’m starting to cut them some slack.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

I feel like there’s a couple different kinds of what ifs. What if X never, what if Y in the future.

What if I had a better childhood is one I think about a lot. I experienced Some Things and had an undiagnosed disability. So I wonder how I would have turned out with more support and less baseline terror.

My forward facing what if is equally a bummer. A lot of my what if energy is spent on what if I end up unhoused? Which is probably a direct consequence of the aforementioned what if. 🫠

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

I’m not sure there is one. That is to say, I don’t think there is inherent meaning so it is whatever each person makes of it. I mostly try to find small things to enjoy and try not to be an asshole.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

A few times. My favorite was during undergrad. I was one of the top students in my CS program. The program was almost entirely men and the popular rumor was that I only did well in classes because I was providing sexual favors to the male professors. 🤣 I didn’t look overtly queer at the time, though I’m sure most other gays would have clocked me instantly. It was really infuriating (still is on some level), but if you’ve ever met me you’d immediately find that rumor terribly laughable. Graduated with an award and honors, though. 🙃

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

That’s just a sneaky way of asking three questions, but I’ll allow it.

a) Probably. I think context and transparency are important and my behavior would change so I wouldn’t want people to worry (about the wrong thing?).

b) Assuming (unrealistically) that I will be in perfect health until the moment I drop dead, I’d use all my vacation time (why quit when I can force the company to pay for my last month of fun), make an effort to see some friends, ensure my estate stuff is in order and there’s a good home for my dog, maybe finish writing some things, and eat whatever I’d like. If I were going to die a really painful death, I might consider other arrangements to end things in advance.

c) Not exactly. I dislike pain and loss of independence, so if those are part of the experience then I would be afraid of that. I don’t think anything happens after death other than the electrical and chemical interactions in my body ceasing, in turn causing my conscious mind to cease. For folks around my age and older, I have always pictured it like the way tube televisions used to turn off. The screen goes blank, there’s an odd hum, and you can sense the shift of static electricity dissipating from the machine.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

I think my career choices. I work in a field I’m really passionate about and it’s afforded me a decent life in the hellscape of late-stage capitalism. I’m stressed out a lot, but if I’m going to be stressed out regardless, at least I can do work that feels meaningful.

#thank you beloved pistachio #i always love answering these #asks #ask games

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phantomsghoul · 9 months

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Chapter Two ~ Could Be The Last Time

Morning Dew Masterlist

Swiss seethed.

His blood was boiling, his free hand was clenched into a fist so tight he was surprised he hadn't broken his fingers.

Soothing the fire ghoul was a difficult task, one that Swiss had had to do many times. Mostly though, it was through bouts of his terrible anger, not. . . this. Not this hopelessness. The last time this had happened, when Aether first left, Rain had been the one helping Sodo through his self-destructive episodes. He had no idea what to do.

Swiss purred quietly, vibrating the ghoul lying on his chest, hands fisted into his jacket. Some of the tension immediately leaked from Sodo's shoulders, and the tears slowed down. A few moments passed, and he looked so peaceful laying on Swiss' chest, as if none of this had ever happened.

"Swiss?" Whispered words, quieter than a secret, and Swiss' heart broke at how. . . alone he seemed. How helpless, like he was stuck in a hole and didn't know how to get out, how to ask for help.

"Yes, my love?"

"Was it my fault?"

He was going to fucking kill Phantom. "No, darling, it wasn't. Sister Imperator made the decision. It wasn't your fault."

Sodo hummed, but Swiss could tell he still didn't believe him. He resumed petting the smaller ghoul, hoping that he could get him calm again. "Everything's going to be okay."

"Don't," Sodo's words were muffled by the pillow and shaky, and Swiss' tail twitched angrily. Of course Phantom would be the one to force Sodo back to how he was for months and months after Aether left. "Don't say that."

"Why?"

"Don't lie to me. It'll never be all right. It'll never be the same."

"No," Swiss tip-toed around his words. He'd have to pick and choose how to say this. "It'll never be the same, but eventually the pain will fade, and you'll be left with the good memories of him."

"But I don't want the pain to fade."

"What?"

"Well," the fire ghoul hesitated. "I deserve it, don't I?"

Swiss' heart dropped. Did he really think that lowly of himself? "Why would you say that?"

"I didn't. . ." He stopped. Took a deep breath. Burrowed further into Swiss's chest. "I wasn't able to stop him. I wasn't good enough for him and I pushed him out. It was my fault. It was all my fault."

"Oh, Dew," Swiss didn't know what else to say, and instead drew him impossibly closer, wrapping his arms around the smaller ghoul. It didn't take long after that for the constant vibration of Swiss' chest and the soft, gentle petting between his horns to put Sodo to sleep

As carefully as he could, Swiss detached himself from Sodo and slipped off the bed. He called Rain to come to take a turn with Sodo while Swiss looked for Phantom. As soon as he was sure that Rain was on his way, he stepped out of the room, coming face to face with Phantom.

"Is he oka–" he didn't get far before Swiss' fist met his face.

"What the fuck were you thinking?"

"I didn't- I didn't know anything."

"Yeah." Swiss turned around, leaving Phantom on the ground and heading off in the direction of Rain's room. "You don't."

Fuck. Phantom thought, pushing the door open to Swiss' room as soon as he rounded the corner. Guilt plagued his mind as he saw Sodo's tear-stained face. He didn't know what he was doing here, really, but he just needed to see him, make sure he was okay.

"Swiss?"

A fresh wave of guilt washed over Phantom when he heard Sodo's cracked voice. He opened the door again, pausing for just a second to say "I'm sorry," before going to leave. He looked back one last time, and his heart dropped to his toes.

The previously occupied bed, although it was occupied by a cocoon of blankets and a nest of pillows, was empty.

Sodo was gone.

#morning dew #ghost #ghost bc #ghost band #ghost fic #ghost band fic #ghost bc fic #fanfiction #angst

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rufusrant · 2 years

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Florence + the Machine - How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful: Album Review

Because I went the whole of Florence's birth month without dropping my irrelevant and unwarranted opinions on her ovure, I'm doing it now. Yay!

As usual, I'm reviewing the deluxe version of the album, along with all separate tracks that were released on other versions, so expect to see the Target-exclusive tracks. Demos however are omitted.

I originally also wanted to make the connections to Dante's Purgatory and the companion film for this album, The Odyssey, but realised halfway that I'd actually mistaken Purgatory for Inferno and had to scrap that because I WILL review music but not a poem I have never read. So instead, I shall only be reviewing this album for its music.

How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful: try saying that 5 times fast

#1: Ship To Wreck

This song has one of the most Florence-esque yet absolutely modern hot-mess origin stories ever: the gist is that Florence held a party, got drunk at the bar where they'd moved the party, covered Daft Punk’s Get Lucky in supreme party girl fashion, went home and then broke everything while water covered her floors. It’s more detailed in her interview with Ellen here.

The second this song started, I got the feeling of being plunged underwater. This is Hurricane Drunk’s older sister after a ferocious bender. It’s so infectious, swirling with self-destruction and stormy guitars and absolute RAGE. The glockenspiel is like air bubbles from where we gasp as we sink. As an opening song, it’s perfect in tone, placement, and as an introduction to the album: we can’t leave the water yet. We can’t stop a shipwreck while it’s happening. 9/10.

#2: What Kind Of Man

I LOVE when Florence goes extra rock. Here is a complete flash-bang where we’re pulled out from the water and immediately tossed into the inferno. The brass orchestration and Florence’s howling, angry vocals take the cake, and those lyrics are the cherries: about a man whose kiss sparks two decades of devotion but just can’t seem to make up his mind (OH.) about his and Florence’s relationship. There is no tender longing present; this is about all the old hurt that comes hurtling to the surface from the partners we’ve stayed just a tad too long with and are, somehow, still staying with. And I fuckin hear you, Florence. 10/10.

#3: How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful

Does Florence refer to the sky or her old love, the ocean? I like to think it’s both: this song depicts that rowdy, journeying feeling of going through a sudden/unexpected transitory period so well. The strings that blaze as she sings the song’s title just rip one through my heart, and the brass instruments return from the previous track, but are utilised for a more subtle, gentler sound. It’s nothing short of grand — but for me, the softer tone of this rather breaks the rock momentum Florence has been building for the last two tracks. 6/10.

#4: Queen Of Peace

Crashing back into fantasy and metaphor after some hard reality bites, we’re pulled back a little into the grandeur of Ceremonials with the grand production and full orchestra to make a modern medieval ballad, but it’s unmistakably a new era of Florence with the way she carries her voice like how a lonely queen looks over a dead field after the battle has ceased. This song is about a triumph, but a deeply bittersweet one at that. And I truly love it for that, because its the truth: what is a triumph without a hard-fought struggle beforehand? 9.5/10.

#5: Various Storms & Saints

I genuinely like the lyrics, but this melody… I always forget about this song as whole. Oops. That much I can say. It stays relatively downtempo and subdued the whole time. Florence’s vocals are the best part and she utilises the powers of her voice only when absolutely necessary, but this song just lacks the “big, almighty sound” that makes up all of the hits, so I’m sorry to say that this is more of a miss for me. 4.5/10.

#6: Delilah

I fucking can’t. This song destroyed me. That is to say: I love this.

Drawing from the bibical tale of Samson and Delilah, Florence crafts an agonising, intense, total curb-stomper about feeling betrayed and yet being on the verge of breaking free. And it slaps so hard. The percussion combined with Florence’s high-strung, burning vocals make the song such a catchy, swinging, forceful cry. The video for this on The Odyssey is also my favourite of them all, with that heart-rending opening monologue, references to Pre-Raphelite art, and how the visual language of the story is employed. 10/10.

#7: Long & Lost

The most sombre song on this album. It’s also definitely a breather after the freedom scream that Delilah demands. Though it’s fittingly about retreating into some self-doubt, I quite like how this actually feels like a meditation of sorts; a glimpse into Florence’s head and heart as she ponders if going back to where she was is worth it, and laments that maybe it really is already too late. I think it’s rather beautiful, with an even more softened melody to accompany Florence’s dreamily mournful vocals. 7/10.

#8: Caught

Calling this a “livelier” song feels like a bit of a misnomer. Florence’s voice feels lighter and more active in this, but it’s ultimately still a song on the understated side about feeling torn between two extremes: being able to finally move on and holding onto something that hurts. I love how Florence name-drops Persephone, notable for being torn between two very different landscapes, to illustrate her point. The production on this track is one of my favourites — the minimalism applied to this is a sonic treat, and the focus given to Florence’s delivery is top-notch. 8/10.

#9: Third Eye

My personal favourite. This is genuinely one of the most cathartic and life-affirming songs I’ve ever heard. It’s got all sorts of upbeat vibes, spirituality, and an amazing outro that’s practically a mantra. But what I think really makes this song so powerful is how it's styled like a religious hymn— but instead of looking towards God, Florence actually implores us to draw strength and change from within ourselves, to forgive ourselves and love ourselves. God is great, no doubt, but maybe God has been within ourselves all along. 10/10.

#10: St Jude

Not gonna lie, this is where the album starkly loses momentum for me. Again. Why is such a solemn track right after the glorious Third Eye???

Of all things, Florence seems to turn back and contemplate her failed relationship once again — but that’s about it for its cons. I think the lyrics for these are great and Florence’s voice does some truly beautiful things, but its odd placement just makes it tank from its full potential. 5/10.

#11: Mother

This took me completely by surprise. I felt annihilated by the end of this. Not only does the album regain its streak with this one track, this song is also truly lyrically stellar and Florence’s voice kicks back into full rock gear straight on. The shifting tides of the instrumentals just score her so perfectly, it feels like we’re being pulled back into the Ceremonial waters for just an utterly rug-pulled-from-under-feet moment. It’s the epitome of that HUGE sound I’ve craved so much— and fittingly, it’s rather a despairing song once you actually read the lyrics. But hey, getting out of such deep water isn’t as smooth a task as it may sound. 10/10.

#12: Hiding

That pre-chorus is so catchy. In fact, this whole song is a proper dance number. So is Delilah but this is more lighthearted, arguably just as powerful AND it manages to retain all the refrains of a poem. It’s a song about being in denial and yet also acknowledging you’re in denial. It's so lively and is probably the song most likely to be played at a club (hell yeah the return of the tambourine), until you hear Florence’s outro at the end. Fuck. 8.5/10.

#13: Make Up Your Mind

What a heart-thrummer. The soft harp makes an unexpected but very welcome return on this absolute neck-breaker of a song, with Florence painting herself as an executioner ready to cut off her relationship— or is she?

I love how this song incorporates the vulnerability of love and yet the utter ruthlessness that ultimately gets born when love morphs into resentment. When Florence demands that her lover lets her live or lets her love them it almost seems that even that’s lose-lose, with all the trimmings of a medieval scene with that unique, desperate and divine Florence-esqueness. Of course I fucking dig it. 9/10.

#14: Which Witch

Florence embraces the idea of martyrdom— specifically, being martyred by love. It’s such a tight, soaring, jumpy song about getting trialled for witchcraft/love, being miles away but having your love on your mind, getting tired of crawling all the way, and hurting from this so much that burning at the stake is seen as a reprieve. That’s a LOT. But Florence fuckin KILLS it.

I love this song and think it’s genuinely an amazing song on its own, but am really conflicted about its placement as the album closer — because here Florence ultimately decides to continue her relationship, the very thing that’s been dragging her back into the water throughout the album. I think my thoughts on this change from day to day. When I’m feeling particularly mournful I think it's a perfect closer: it's better to hold onto any form of love than to never love at all. But when I’m not… it’s a gut punch, like it or not. Moving on is an emotional task that we all eventually have to undertake but may not succeed at. However, the duality of this very idea, I think, is what really draws me to this song. It’s okay to not fully move on. But it’s equally just as okay to hold out hope that one day, just maybe, you might. 10/10.

EXCLUSIVE EDITION TRACKS

#15: As Far As I Could Get

This is the PERFECT combination of Florence’s two song styles: epically full of grand, godly metaphors and modern everyday settings out of a contemporary novel. Florence talks about escaping the bustle of Los Angeles and manages to mix reverent nature and a gospel voice with the spectacle of passing by a Disney castle and the Pirates of the Caribbean ride so fuckingly well. I’m incensed that this isn’t on the standard album— perhaps because I find myself relating so much to this right now, but also because it’s a legit banger about actually being determined to escape and move on, being right in the middle of this arduous process, and still feeling that you haven’t gotten far enough yet. 10/10.

#16: Pure Feeling

…I feel so guilty about this. Florence conveys this great, wholesome message of how she loves the world and of how she learnt to during her year off with some lyrics that really lay bare this humbling, warm feeling. But I must admit that the effect’s rather lost on me when paired with the way the melody sounds. Florence also sounds like she’s on the verge of gasping — and not in the good way. 4/10.

#17: Conductor

The lyrics for this are so beautifully poetic. Florence calls back to the standard album’s laments about a lover’s crippling indecision and how she herself turns to songwriting to channel her emotions — much like how conductors conduct both music and electricity. We love a double meaning!

I love the strength of her voice here and the simpler no-frills arrangements of piano and strings that accompany her. I really wish that this could’ve made it onto the standard album too, but in a way I can also see why it didn’t. (Though I don’t really stand for that, it's thematically perfect and has a great Florence vocal, C’MON TARGET WTF) 7.5/10.

#18: Only Love Can Break Your Heart

A Neil Young cover. I’m a fan of the original song as well, and really feel that she did this one so much justice. It exudes a grace and a longing that just extrudes so much more prominently than the original. Florence’s vocals are so clear and carry the tune so delightfully that it loses none of its original melancholy and instead garners so much pure, pure beauty. 7/10.

Overview: What an album. It feels like a lightning strike, and that's already in the simplest of terms. I feel this album as a whole is about learning to let go and change for the better, even if we can’t fully bring ourselves to yet. But my favourite description of this album comes from Florence herself:

“Ceremonials was so fixated on death and water, and the idea of escape or transcendence through death, but the new album became about trying to learn how to live, and how to love in the world rather than trying to escape from it. Which is frightening because I'm not hiding behind anything but it felt like something I had to do."

Which brings us to F+TM's new logo for this era:

A search on Reddit proved that these two triangles are the alchemical symbols for air and water respectively — so this album is literally about the air above water. About rising above the surface. About being free of all that drags you down.

Ceremonials may be the masterful album that says your grief and pain are valid and it’s okay to feel the way you feel, but How Big How Blue How Beautiful is the imperative follow-up that says: I want to heal. I will heal. 9.5/10.

Stream How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful on Spotify!

#florence + the machine #hbhbhb #how big how blue how beautiful #florence welch #album review

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