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angstyantoinette · 9 months

Note

Yandere alucard please with a fairy darling?

wrote this while in college and severely sleep deprived :))

to the anon that requested this…very sorry for the delay ^^

Yandere! Alucard x GN Fairy Darling

As a Dhamphir, Alucard has a very confused and conflicted view of his own humanity; how his parent’s’ marriage shaped his life and beliefs, which is evident in his own personal experience in the story.

He is part human, “part monster” (as he puts it), and constantly uses both of his sides to try and compensate for his perceived weaknesses and strengths in order to create a balance.

This obsession with balancing his own personal interests, with the ones that he deems unsafe or safe to everyone else years him apart, and Alucard just doesn’t see the point in continuing his act of doing ‘the right thing’- he has nobody to do it for other than himself and the times that Sypha and Trevor come for a visit.

They keep him grounded, his dear friends and comrades; they help him remember the good times and deeds he has given to the world, to the people who were so close to losing their lives. They help him remember and remain alive in the memories of his sacrifices and pains that he had to overcome to murder his own father- the only one left from his childhood. A time that was idyllic, but secluded, kept away from the world and the rest of the scum that had stolen his mothers life.

Things are getting better, that’s what he thinks, as he sweeps through the rubble of his childhood home, it’s sloping walls and crumbling tapestries serving as a testament to a life long past that he can move on from. Things are getting much more complicated, as he tries to sort though the rubble and the familial ruin.

Alucard tries to move past his hurt and past betrayals, but they somehow always come back to bite at him some more, gnaw at his memories of his childhood and turn them into something beyond his control, beyond his pained comprehension.

It doesn't help much that much of the memorials of his past betrayals lay outside of the castle walls, staring out into the vast woods that surround him; and this isolation is a huge part of precisely why he becomes so attached to his darling.

However you meet each other, whichever way that you sweep into Alucard's life you just may as well be signing yourself away to the devil himself-a fitting analogy given the context of the story.

Alucard himself doesn’t mean to cause harm, not in any sense of the word. Everything that he says, does and thinks is the complete opposite, but while he may not be obviously setting out to cause you harm as a person…it doesn’t mean he realises his actions aren’t always right. He may even be self-aware of that fact, and be greatly pained and paranoid about how he makes you feel.

He doesn’t like the fact that he feels this urge to lock you up in his miserable, spindly castle, keep you and your fairy goodness all to himself. He knows it’s selfish, he knows it disgusting of him and yet he reasons and battle and negotiates with himself to try and justify his feelings and actions towards you.

You can beg, you can plead, you can sob and cry but whatever you do will not save you from this fate. You belong to Alucard, and he loves you so deeply, so dangerously that it makes the both of you feel sick. Unfortunately, it doesn’t make him feel sick enough for him to let you go. Let’s face it, who else will love you like he does?

He doesn’t exactly know how to love you right, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t adore you enough to know that you need to be kept away from the rest of the world. You need to rest, to stay with him whilst he admires your beautiful face, your spectral wings and their incredible patterns and own beauty that can only be described as otherworldly.

His kisses are always so desperate. Like he has never tasted anything like your fear Love before. Alucard knows that you get a bit nervous sometimes, but that’s just because you’re shy, isn’t it? He knows exactly what that’s like, the gut-twisting and the rampant heartbeats that he feels.

He’s probably one of the better yanderes to have, in all likelihood, but Alucard isn’t without his flaws, not in the least. He’s paranoid, deathly. He almost trembles at the idea of you getting out of your room to eat something, as he is insistent in bringing it to you. Just so he can double check those windows again.

And you sit sadly on the bed, in all of your finery and wondrous glory, trying your hardest not to sob as your blonde captor strokes your head and whispers his love for you until the moon is high in the sky and you can hear the birds coo outside. Your pointed ears twitch in tired anticipation, silently begging for the birds to come back, help you out of this nightmare.

The birds keep cooing and each night they get further away. They do not come back to help. You are stuck here, with him, forever.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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#yandere #headcanon #writing #x you #yandere castlevania #yandere adrian tepes #yandere alucard #yandere alucard x reader

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giveamadeuschohisownmovie · 4 months

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1) Metal Gear Solid 4 - Guns of the Patriots

2) Sonic and the Black Knight

3) Ace Attorney

4) Resident Evil 4

5) Kingdom Hearts 3

6) Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair

7) Grand Theft Auto V

8) Death Stranding

9) Devil May Cry 5

10) Mass Effect

11) Jak 3

12) The Quarry

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neppttune · 1 year

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“demons make love?!”

↳ ⭒ warnings: heavy nsfw

↳ ⭒— synopsis: the demons of the taisho era love you, so lets talk about how they fuck you! ♡

彡kibitsuji m

⋆ oh your in for a rough night. or day. or whenever a demon had sex with their s/o

⋆ his penis is inside of you. at all times

⋆ it will just be some classic rough -ly aggressive yet passionate sex

⋆ ok so context on the 'passionate' part, muzan does love you absoluetly, but he's also a narcissist w a god complex

⋆ definitely teases you in a few ways, whether is be teasing your needy hole with the head of his cock, or thrusting in only the head and stopping fully

⋆ will make you beg for his cock on some days, or will be extra sweet and give to u raw (lmao)

⋆ his cock is definitely 7-8 inches though im sure he can shapeshift a bigger one

⋆ he uses his tentacle-like appendages on you sometimes

⋆ you brought up the idea in your mind and thought well i should ask

⋆ he just stared, blinked, and said "...okay."

⋆ may or may not deny your release. for as long as he wants until your crying, legs shaking, and screaming and begging.

⋆ maybe then he'll consider it

⋆ god this man is fine

⋆ if he's having a bad day, the anal/vaginal sex is rougher than rough or he'll command more than ask you to suck him off and deepthroat him.

⋆ sometimes if he's busy and he can tell when your horny, he'll sit you on his lap while he rubs your clit with no breaks

彡kokushibou

⋆ his loads are large for starters

⋆ his favorite thing to do with you is have his head between your legs, what fun!

⋆ ride his face/throat fuck him, he likes it

⋆ its a reward when you ejaculate to him, and will clean it all up happily.

⋆ i think he'd enjoy praise a lot due to his inferior complex unfortunately

⋆ maybe even a small breeding kink wink wink

⋆ i dunno the thought of you being responsible for and baring his children makes him go brrr

⋆ low grunts when hes close only because his pride is a little too big even though this contradicts what i just said to make any sounds.

⋆ at least one pair of eyes are closed during the devil's tango because like

⋆ hes PACKINGGGGG- its long and painful with quite some girth to it :) maybe 8-9 inches

⋆ im sure he has his bad days as we all do and will raw dog your ass

⋆ but its okay because he makes sure not to make it too-too bad.

⋆ just his hips snapping back towards your sopping cunt as soon as they come back.

彡douma

⋆ very much a masochist

⋆ dom

⋆ like i imagine you biting him and he cums right then and there maybe

⋆ selfish and a sadist so...

⋆ once in a while he may be nice

⋆ nice, as in overstimulation

⋆ the stamina of course is * out of this world *

⋆ will purposely leave a fat load of hickeys on you everywhere for all his followers to see

⋆ he'd either be very closed off and not into exhibitionism; he’s selfish, or douma would want his followers to watch and praise you the same they do him

⋆ enjoys praise a lot because he's been praised since he was born (literally)

⋆ really enjoys giving you head as a warm up

⋆ the pace is dramatically fast and rough some days, or he is very sensual and slow

⋆ high sex drive- he never felt genuine emotions so when he fucks you or makes love he becomes addicted

⋆ speaking of which there is a clear difference than when he is fucking and making love to him, even if you sometimes cannot tell. to him there is

⋆ he likes to inflict tiny nicks on your neck and lick up the blood uh okay

⋆ its big i have no proof but ik it is

彡akaza

⋆ cock warming is his favorite btw

⋆ he's either very mean, or if you have a vagina and identify as a woman he praises your entire existence

⋆ im sorry he's an extreme philogynist

⋆ although he really enjoys overstimulating you, he feels like its an extreme sport

⋆ he likes watching you cry and whine and beg for him

⋆ he calls you pretty girl

⋆ if you identify as a male, he's extremely degrading

⋆ name calling, spitting in your mouth, you name it

彡gyūtarō

⋆ extremely insecure about almost everything (other than his strength)

⋆ regardless of if you were a demon or not, he's always asking if it feels good (he's insecure about his size as well)

⋆ aware of his strength so ^

⋆ lots and lots of gentle kisses

⋆ favorite position being missionary, he just like seeing your face

⋆ always close to you whining in your ear while

⋆ he rests his head on your shoulder when he gets close and his hips start to stutter

⋆ thoroughly enjoys praise, even if he doesn't believe it and just thinks its a sick joke

彡daki

⋆ shes a big bully

⋆ switch

⋆ suffocates you in her breasts

⋆ corruption kink all the way

⋆ she likes to tease you and poke fun at the blubbering whiny mess you've become

⋆ but if on the rare occasion she let's you dom her, she's the blubbering whiny mess

⋆ she doesn't like how she has to be nice and say please

彡enmu

⋆ doesnt care whats going on as long as your being pleasured

⋆ he enjoys eating you out a lot

⋆ extremely loud and whiny when you give him head

⋆ he really wants you to be loud because he wants people to hear, not even so they "know who you belong to" he's just like that

⋆ doesn't want anyone to see you just hear what they're missing

⋆ hes so whiny bro its adorable

⋆ "ah~ y/n you feel s-so good!"

my apologies for how short it got at the end i just wanted to put something out lmao

©neppttune

do not plagiarize, repost, modify, or translate my work without written consent.

#anime #demon slayer #demon slayer headcanons #kny fluff #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #muzan smut #kny headcanons #kokushibo #kny smut #demon slayer smut

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cerastes · 2 years

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Question, Dreamer: Do you think Irene gets forcibly dragged into the Abyss Hunter polycule, or does Specter just seduce her with violence, cheer, etc.?

Right, so, to understand the dynamics of the Abyssal Hunters plus their unwillingly honorary member by association, Irene, you need to have a deep Insight of Bloodborne, but worry not, I will hold your hand through this nightmare and see to it that you get as firm a grip on the subject as an Amygdala does on people picking up the top hat for the first time without getting lost in the umbilical chords.

The important thing to understand here is that Irene is a recently minted Good Hunter. In Under Tides, she thought she was hot shit, because she beat Dark Souls 1 with a Havel build (which is like bragging that you know how to tie your shoes), but quickly realized she was, in fact, cold diarrhea when she invaded Skadi several times and Skadi kept shoving her arm right up her ass and wearing her like Kermit the Frog. It took seeing the PvP between Skadi and the High Inquisitor to realize she was playing a whole different ball game that Shield Souls 1, so that's when you could say Irene really started playing Bloodborne.

The thing is, everyone else in the Abyssal Hunter storyline is already a NG+3 Good Hunter. Skadi is your usual, run of the mill Lv. 260~ Strength build Ludwig's Holy Blade jane, as generic as it gets, but like a dynamite flinging poet once so eloquently declared, "hey, as long as it works", but Skadi is hot garbage at communicating because she's had bad prior experiences with Xbox Live kids telling her all about the activities they plan to engage her mother with, so she doesn't really communicate with Irene beyond beating her ass black and blue. Gladiia is a Lv. 260~ Rifle Spear Dex-Bloodtinge build, but she does not interact at all with Irene because at that point, Irene had school the other day and had to go to bed early. However, Irene watched the VODs the next day, and realized just how much stronger and better Hunters everyone else was compared to her.

Now, with this in mind, we need to talk about how Specter fits in the equation. Without going into details about what Stultifera Navis, the sequel to Under Tides, will entail, Specter's dynamic with Irene is different: Specter, a Lv. 260~ Whirligig Saw BIG Vitality-Strength build, infamous for her magic pixel clutches against even the meanest Chalice bosses, but here's the biggest difference between her and every other Good Hunter so far: Specter will tell you what it did. Between Under Tides and Stultifera Navis, Irene honed her skills with Devil May Cry and Super Monkey Ball, and no longer champions the Havel school of thought: She's sharper, faster, deadlier, and most importantly, receptive to the lessons others may have to impart in the arts of not beefing it in front of girls. Now, the Specter factor is that Irene and Specter met briefly on Twitch chat while Skadi was PvPing, and Specter (who is a mod) was like heeeey I recognize you, you got your ass kicked, let's co-op some time, I can help you out, and Irene was like "bet", so they did some Chalice Dungeons co-op and Specter could communicate exactly what it was that Irene was doing wrong: The Seaborn, see, or Bloodborne enemies, are a completely different breed of adversary than your regular Terran, or Dark Souls enemies, so you have to play ball their way or it's the high way. So Irene not only Knew What It Did, she had the fortune of having a high level Hunter help her figure out What Else It Did and how to step in and handle it. In various ways, it's this humbling yet formative experience that polishes Irene from a rough piece of Havel charcoal into a vibrant Dex-Bloodtinge Reiterpallasch build that doesn't get mad and that can handle Orphan of Kos just fine.

Okay, now you have the necessary context, now I can address your question: All of this comes with a TAX, now that Irene is also a top Bloodborne player, she ends up going to meet Specter IRL so they can do some PvP seshes with no lag, so Irene shows up to Specter's place with her PS4 (nervous, first offline meeting) but surprise surprise, it's not just Specter, Skadi is there too in a shitass 5 dollar comfy as hell hoodie and nothing else, getting in a HEATED 1v1 in the Nightmare of Mensis with Gladiia. They are both sitting in stools, drinking stale soda and eating cold pizza from yesterday. Irene realizes what's going on, but it's too late, the shark already has a grip on her wrist, and is showing her to her stool. They are going to do round robin 2v2s. Irene's going to drink 7up. There's no getting out of this one.

And as we all know, the only thing that follows Bloodborne PvP is furious earth-shattering building-demolishing back-scarring supersoldier sex and that's how Irene joins the polycule, I hope this explains it.

#arknights #irene #specter #skadi #gladiia

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thesweetsvillainshowdown · 3 months

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ULTIMATE VILLAIN SHOWDOWN #3 BRACKETS

It's been a while since I've last said that. It feels wonderful to be back, yall :) if you have not already, please read the post previous to this on my blog for more context.

I know you all are curious, however, so let's get into the true important part of this...THIS ROUND'S CONTESTANTS!

LEFT SIDE;

-Xigbar (Kingdom Hearts) vs The Devil (Cuphead)

-Lord Farquaad (Shrek) vs The Beast (Over the Garden Wall)

-Yzma (Emperor's New Groove) vs Henry Miller (Dayshift at Freddy's)-

-Handsome Jack (Borderlands) vs Wheatly (Portal 2)

-The Lich (Adventure Time) vs Dr. Facilier (Princess and the Frog)

-Dahlia Hawthorne (Ace Attorney) vs Cell (Dragon Ball)

-Demise (Legend of Zelda) vs Damon Gant (Ace Attorney)

-Spooky Space Kook (Scooby Doo) vs Mr. Arimnaes (Pizza Game)

RIGHT SIDE;

-Vergil (Devil May Cry) vs Yoshikage Kira (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure)

-Happy Chaos (Guilty Gear) vs Kars (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure)

-Benry (HLVRAI) vs Azula (Avatar the Last Airbender)

-Dimentio (Super Paper Mario) vs Magolor (Kirby)

-Grodus (Paper Mario The Thousand Year Door) vs Ollie (Paper Mario Origami King)

-Troy Calypso (Borderlands) vs The Mimic (FNAF)

-Nemesis (Resident Evil 3) vs Dr. Doom (Marvel)

-King Dedede (Kirby) vs Commander Tartar (Splatoon 2 Octo Expansion)

I'd love to say the polls will start tomorrow at 5:00 PM, however I am giving myself a week to prepare this go about. The third ultimate villain showdown will begin on January 31st, 2024 at 5:00 PM, US EST with the first 8 polls from the left side launching, and then a week later the 8 right side polls will launch to finish out round 1.

Much love, and I hope to see you all there for when the polls begin! In the meantime, I'll be working on setting up the polls!

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dante-winning-archive · 3 months

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DmC: Devil May Cry Thoughts

So I finally decided to experience the DmC Reboot, and my overall verdict is: Not As Bad As I Expected.

I took notes, so let’s break it down. This is over 3 pages in a doc btw, so buckle up I guess. Hope it was worth the wait.

What I Liked

Level Design

This is probably the game’s biggest strength. Great amount of variety, and the atmosphere of each level was great.

Limbo is a really cool concept.

The twin’s special abilities (like Dante’s grappling hook type weapons) made for some really cool platforming.

The typography really works in this game. Like, words and phrases appearing in the environment to taunt Dante or just provide additional flavor to whatever is happening. Very comic book.

The Bob Barbas boss battle had a really cool neon techy aesthetic, which isn’t something I would have expected for this game. Neat!

The game show levels leading up to Lilith’s boss fight were cool too!

The Succubus boss battle made really good use of the environment.

Enemy Design

General demon mobs are automaton-like, which is pretty neat. I’m not a fan of that sort of aesthetic, but I respect the creative direction.

All the bosses had decent variety in terms of design and battle mechanics.

Item/Weapon Design

I think this was another pretty strong point for this game

It’s a small thing, but the designs of the orbs were nice.

Rebellion’s shape shifting is neat. Rebellion doesn’t really have any cool powers like Yamato does in the mainline games, so it was nice to see it do something besides being a big sword.

AQUILA IS SUCH A COOL WEAPON

Ebony and Ivory were pretty, but didn't seem particularly useful what with all the other weapons Dante had at his disposal.

Misc

Combat looks dynamic and satisfying, and I can see the influence it had on DMC5’s combat.

The voice acting is good

Occasionally, it was genuinely funny

The Vergil gameplay at the end? INCREDIBLE.

The music was good. Nothing really stood out to me, but it did enhance the game.

What I Disliked

Lilith

I really hated her character design. And I’m not saying it wasn’t effective character design, or that it was bad. I just personally didn’t like it.

Her weirdly pulled skin, the corset piercings, the way her skin bunches up around the tops of her gloves… ugh.

And maybe that’s the point! I’m probably supposed to find it offputting! But I hated looking at her.

Pregnancy is a really intense squick of mine, so all that was just no! No! No! No!

I wish I could unsee her boss battle

Minor Design Complaints

Dante’s DT design was a little disappointing, especially considering how well designed everything else is.

Yamato’s design was also lackluster.

Misc

The fatphobia was disappointing but not surprising, especially considering the year this was released.

Mundus sex scene… ew

The sniper abortion scene wasn’t as shocking as I expected it to be, but it sure was there

The way Vergil pronounces Yamato lol. Ya-MATT-o

Pronouncing Mundus differently was a little weird. The mundus amungus….

Mundus’ boss fight was uninspired. Wow, a giant statue trying to squash Dante on a platform. Never seen that one before.

A lot of this game has a ‘gross’ factor, which I’m not really into. That’s just personal preference, because I do think it mostly works in context. Just not my thing.

Characters:

In general, I found the characters to be pretty one-dimensional.

The Twins

The two of them working together in Mundus’ tower, one in each world, was really cool. If you’re going to have twins in a setting with two worlds overlapping, having one in each is (chefs kiss). Being able to play as both of them to achieve the goal would have made it even better.

I really enjoyed the scenes they had together, but there just weren’t enough of them.

It was nice seeing them share physical affection (in the form of a mutual shoulder pat)

But “I loved you, brother” just didn’t have the emotional impact I wanted it to have.

And the issue is really… they’re strangers. They may be brothers, but they barely know each other. Their relationship just didn’t get as much attention and buildup as it should have.

Vergil

He’s so friendly and helpful sounding at the beginning, it was kind of cute.

But it is revealed he’s pretty cold and calculating, willing to sacrifice Kat because saving her wasn’t worth the risk to him.

His mad hax lol

give him his hat back, cowards

Even though he was carrying Yamato around, I wasn’t sure he could even fight until the very end. He just seemed so weak. The thing about the twins is that they’re equals on the physical level. IDK, it was just weird to see a Vergil that didn’t fight.

honestly, a way more interesting character than Dante.

Dante

A devil-may-care character that learns to give a shit? Always a classic.

As unnecessarily edgy as he seems, his poor coping mechanisms make sense for how he grew up.

Kat

An assault survivor, because of course she is. It’s just disappointing. Was it necessary? Was it??

Overall, she’s fine. No real strong feelings about her.

Despite having a ‘role’ (guiding Dante through Limbo and helping him escape it), her job could have been given to Vergil and the game would have worked fine. Maybe even better.

Sparda and Eva

Having Sparda outlive Eva and be responsible for hiding the twins was an interesting choice. I also like that we have confirmation for what happened to him (eternal torture).

I would have expected an angel and demon to be a power couple, but they seemed to have been beaten pretty easily. For plot, I guess.

The Story

I wasn’t really all that invested, tbh. There’s nothing wrong with the story, but at the same time there isn’t really anything notable about it (except Vergil’s bit).

It’s a hack n’ slash, so I’m not expecting a masterpiece, but it was pretty one note.

WHY is there a war between demons and angels? Where did the Nephilim come from, how many were there, what role did they play? More importantly, why should I care about any of this?

The twins avenging their parents should have felt like… like taking on a mantle to continue their cause, and I really didn’t get any of that. There wasn’t any weight of legacy. And the main games handle that so well.

Overall, I just felt like there wasn’t enough emotional impact, especially between the brothers. There wasn’t enough time to really grow to care about the three protagonists, imo.

Dante's character arc is... learning to give a shit, I guess, but even then, his decision to be the protector of humans feels really out there. Did he really show that much growth throughout the game for this declaration to really feel deserved? Rewarding?

Likewise, Vergil's shift from revolutionary to would-be king is equally abrupt. Like maybe the entire point of it was to be out of left field, but from a storytelling standpoint... an out-of-nowhere twist like that just doesn't feel rewarding. Having more time with Vergil as Dante throughout the course of the game, to have a subtle buildup so that when you look back and say 'the signs were all there and I missed them', that would have been really good. Like, disregarding the fact that any fan of DMC knows Vergil is going to abandon everything for power.

Vergil’s gameplay and story at the end was a lot more compelling than the rest of the game combined. It’s literally the only thing I’m interested in learning more about.

Final Thoughts

The game was… alright. Not as bad as I expected it to be, but I’m not sure I would call it good, either. There were a lot of really interesting concepts that just didn’t reach their full potential. The ‘hard’ elements like design and combat were there, but the characters and story were lacking. Making a DMC game heavily influenced by the Divine Comedy is a great idea!

I think that there are two things that really held this game back.

Making it a DMC game. As its own thing, it could have been really good. Could they have told a story based on the Divine Comedy with twins named Dante and Vergil without stepping on DMC’s toes? Probably not. But with some changes, it could have worked.

The marketing. I didn’t see it in real time, but we’ve all heard of the weirdly homophobic marketing for this game. And I think that really soured people’s opinions of the game. Still does, tbh. ‘Dante is not a gay cowboy’ as if that isn’t his entire appeal….

Anyway, I don’t think it quite deserves the hate it gets. If you go in knowing you’re not getting a ‘real’ DMC game, it’s not bad.

Rating: 5/10

#archivist post #devil may cry #dmc reboot

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manstoolit · 1 month

Video

youtube

no context devil may cry 5 out of context, yes.

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lurkingteapot · 4 months

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2023 post round-up/summary

Lovely @twig-tea tagged me here, so I'll try my hand.

I'd abandoned tumblr for about 4? 5? years 2016ish through 2020, had a short stint with it again in 2020, took peeks and vehemently disagreed with much of what I saw in 2021-2022, and grudgingly settled back in in 2023. I wasn't going to interact. I wasn't.

Jan-April: *crickets* I was being strong!

Then, I saw people moaning about how they'd learn Thai if only it was on Duolingo, and you know how spite can be funnelled into positivity? I did that! Result:

May

Popular: Free Thai Language Learning Resources, most popular by a landslide. This pleases me greatly, as I put a lot of work into it and always hope more people start picking up this language.

Favourite: maybe my thoughts on Ming, piggybacking off @kenmakaashi's post?

June

Popular: my musings on translation and how it relates to fannish reception of media, which was my most popular post of the year and 'broke containment', if only in a very small way. Some of the additions in the tags and reblogs are fantastic, do go have a look if you like!

Favourite: toss-up between my attempt at showing a parallel between a silly moment in Our Skyy 2 x BBS and a scrapped shot from BBS proper and this rant about Romanisations of Thai and why G**gle translate is the devil (that bit is in the conversation downthread), which let me meet @plantsarepeopletoo.

July

Popular: Summary of James Welker's 2006 essay "Beautiful, Borrowed, and Bent: “Boys’ Love” as Girls’ Love in Shōjo Manga"

Favourite: the offerings are slim here … let's go with the one in which I once more was salty about the way folks talk about BL

August

Popular: Only Friends' Ray isn't just The Drunkard, but also The One Who's basically Given Up On Himself, as per his title card (this one was so popular it got stolen and reposted – without credit or permission – to twitter 🙃)

Favourite: Thinking about Drama, the Romance genre, and tropes, and how those relate to our perception of BL (good additions from various folks in the notes; conversation with @visualtaehyun in reblogs and @twig-tea in the replies).

September

Popular: IFYLITA Ep 6 poem context notes

Favourite: toss-up between complaining about badly machine translated content in Love in Translation and musing on the name of Khun Yai's favourite bar

October

Popular: my long-winded answer to @zimmbzon's ask "Hi, how would a non-binary person (me) get around the binary gender rules and vocab in Thai?"

Favourite: uhhh … maybe my musings on honorific translations in kimi ni wa todokanai? (yes, technically a reblog from sideblog, shh)

November

Popular: most popular was this throwaway therapy vent containing food for thought and while I guess this meme is mostly fannish I'm linking it anyway because it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to (or something)

Favourite: when I called out the resemblance between the Last Twilight trailer and Intouchables (2011). Literally no one cared, but then @my-rose-tinted-glasses independently came in strong with receipts as soon as the actual first episode aired and made me feel validated af.

December

Popular: Why I'm pretty sure Last Twilight's "fried rice/false rice" joke was funnier in Thai

Favourite: the saga of the songs in Ep 4 of Last Twilight

I didn't do any round-up posts, but I'll include the other category @twig-tea added:

Five other posts that I want to highlight because I can:

BL Favourites Tag Game (July 2023)

Link to fujoshi.info with information on WHY you should check out that site if you're interested in having an informed opinion on BL and the genre's history.

contemporary issues in Thailand as mentioned in Only Friends ep 1

Thoughts on code-switching in Step by Step

Reply to @mynameisnotthepoint's comment-via-ask on my anti viki rant

I'm not going to tag anyone because I'm completely lost – I was mostly off tumblr for nearly three weeks; if you made a post like this you'd like me to see, please link me/tag me! <3

#2023 roundup #link dump #self promo (of sorts)#my nonsense

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sprintingowl · 25 days

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Dead Beats (Card Games!)

There are exceptions, but a lot of TTRPGs that use cards use them in a more evocative, story-tell-y sort of way.

This is good! Cards are honestly great for this, and a storygame that has you interpret tarot can get a really wide range of outcomes from a single skillcheck.

However, let's talk about cards in crunchy games.

Card pulls are fast. No waiting for the die to roll, no bouncing the dice off of someone else's hand, no hunting for dice behind radiators. Just rip it right off the top of the stack and your good.

Card pulls are context heavy. You've got number, suit, face or non-face, and color all in a single visual impression. You can have effects that trigger off of any of those things fire off every time there's a card pull.

Cards are also predictable. Unless you shuffle between pulls, you slowly whittle the deck down to a state where you know what's going to come out next. If you get a bunch of failures, you know there's a 20 on the way.

All of this means that card-based combat in rpgs is a little under-explored.

In Dead Beats, I use card pulls the same way a normal system might use a d20. You draw and add stat to pass a check. But with a d20 you can't get any value out of marking the faces. You can't put specific faces on a sideboard to use later. You can't deplete certain faces and then hand someone else the boobytrapped dice.

I had a lot of fun building a crunchy Devil May Cry-esque combat game with cards, and I highly encourage you to experiment with using cards in your own crunchy systems. There's a *lot* of tech here that I haven't figured out, and a lot of ways to turn a poker deck into a complex fight simulation.

#ttrpg #ttrpg homebrew #ttrpgs #ttrpg design #indie ttrpgs #indie ttrpg #rpg #tabletop #dnd #rpgs #roleplaying games #card games

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law-d-water-trafalgar · 1 year

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Missed Valentine's Day

Law X F.Reader

It's been four years of being together with Law. You beg Law for a pet but he keeps saying no... little does he know it's not even about a pet it's about him. He missed Valentine's Day.

Context: BFF Ikkaku, arguement, girls night out, Double date, Fiance Law

-☆-

"Law pleaseeee" you plead.

"Absolutely not, no pets. We all ready have Bepo don't we?" Law states annoyed. Tears start to form as you start to cry. You go to your shared room and close the door saying

"Silence" as you cry and cry and cry knowing he knows your crying, until you fall asleep. In the morning you feel something warm so you cuddle up next to it. Then realize its Law, shirtless Law. You blush and open your eyes only to be met with grey ones.

"So you go from crying last night to cuddling me this morning. What's going on with you?" Law asks coldly. Putting a hand on his chest you speak.

"Its not even really about a pet..."

"Okay continue" Law states slightly annoyed.

"We just havent had as much time together as I'd like" you admit. He sighs clearly not wanting to talk about this.

"(N). You know I'm the Captain and doctor of the Heart Pirates. I cant always be with you twenty-four seven." He says making you frown and recoiling your hands from him.

"It doesnt have to be twenty-four seven! I'm just asking for a little bit more! Also Bepo is your vice captain I cant cuddle him that much. Something needs to give" You squeel.

"You need a hobby. Ikkaku is off today go talk with her. Your always in a better mood after talking with her." He clearly states. Your frown deepens. You get up get dressed and give him the bird, as you leave the room. All you hear from him as you leave is

"What the fuck?" As you go down the halls to Ikkakus room and *knock knock knock*

"Yes who is it?"

"Its (n)" she opens the door

"Hey what's up (n)?" You walk into her room and start ranting.

"Law always says hes busy that hes the Captain and doctor of the Heart Pirates and not listening to me. I even begged for a pet and he said no. I dont know what to do anymore, he wont listen to me." You rant desperately.

"Woah okay I think it's time for a girls night out the ultimate card." Ikkaku says and you just stare at her confused.

"Okay hear me out let's dress you up in your fanciest outfit I'm talking about that one silk dress and heels, makeup do your hair and let's go out"

"That sounds fun but how does this help?" You say.

"Because you'll make sure to tell Captain that your going out for a girls night, hell see what your wearing, then start to think about you even more. He may even come to the town to stalk you." Ikkaku says excitedly.

"Ikkaku you little devil your so smart! Let's do it but you cant wear that boiler outfit let me dress you, I have spare clothes that will fit you my bff. Okay nows the perfect time I'll bring you the stuff just wait for me okay?"

"Okay (n) I'll be here" Ikkaku states. You run back to your shared room and start looking through your side of the closet finding everything you need. You dress up in a silk black dress a velvet platform heels with pearl earrings and makeup with a hair updo. Then you see Law at his desk you just walk by him with Ikkakus outfit and he doesnt even look at you. You walk back down the hall to Ikkakus room and walk in.

"Hey gurl I've got your stuff, time to dress you up!" You squeel excitedly. She squeals too as you start helping her with the back of the silk baby blue dress then she puts on velvet baby blue platforms with different pearl earrings and you up do her hair for her. Finally you get your purses ready with berries.

"Ready to tell him first?" She asks you. Nervously you say

"Yes.." as you walk back to your shared room you sat upon Laws desk with your dresses slit showing on his side. Finally he notices you looking from your shoes to your slit, to your breasts to your face and hair.

"Oh I've finally gotten your attention?. Well it's a girls night out so dont wait up bye!" You say as you hop off his desk, him staring at you the whole time as you walk out the door.

-☆-

Laws POV

-☆-

You just stare at her as she walks out the door.

'What the hell?! Girls night with Ikkaku?! What fucking day is it? April fools?' You think as you look up at the calendar the previous day was drawn in hearts all over that day. You shove yourself from your desk.

"No way no way no way! I missed Valentine's Day with (n)!" He mentally curses himself.

"That's why she was crying so much! I'm such an asshole!" You yell to yourself. You go to Sachi to ask him what he should do.

"Well you say you missed valentine's day well I didnt I got Ikkaku a heart shaped locket. You messed up Captain."Sachi says snickering.

"Wait that's it! Sachi come with me we have work to do" you say teleporting him to your room. Once your both dressed handsomely.

"Okay let's go crash girls night" Law says to Sachi.

"Are you absolutely sure about this Captain?" You look at the tiny box in your hand.

"I've never been more sure let's go Room Shambles" you teleported you and Sachi to town looking for a familiar (c) haired woman with Ikkaku Sachis girlfriend.

-☆-

(N)POV

-☆-

You and Ikkaku found a nice quaint elegant bar for dress up occasions perfect for your outfits. A couple guys came up to you both and just bought you both drinks. So you both stand and talk with them slowly becoming uneasy as they drink more and more. Eventually their cut off and balegerantly drunk trying to pick you up.

As your haki kicks in you feel a strong presence coming your way. You turn your head only to see Law and Sachi dressed up in suits walking directly up to you both. Once in front of you both Law speaks to the two drunkards.

"Get lost now or I'll cut you into little pieces" his intimating worked.

"Oh fuck okay bye ladies" they say sluring as you and Ikkaku just cross your arms.

"What do you want?" You state to Law.

"To have a double date" he retorts. Which surprises you shock shown on your face.

"So that's why your dressed up makes sense fine I'll indulge you. What do you say Ikkaku?"

Looking to her she nods yes.

"Okay let's take this table then" Law and Sachi pulls out the chairs for you and Ikkaku then pushes them in while you both sit.

"Everything is on me tonight" Law states for you all to hear which makes you smirk.

"Oh okay" you say quietly. The waiter comes over to take drink orders you order straight vodka in a glass with lots of cherries in it. While Ikkaku paces herself with a shirley temple. The men order mixed drinks. You all make small talk until the drinks arrive. Now that you've got liquid courage your feeling more at ease, as the drinks brought by those men earlier wasnt enough.

"I had wished we could have done this yesterday" Law admits to you as your at his side, with Ikkaku in front of you and Sachi beside her.

"Well we all forget important things dont we?" You state coldly to him as Ikkaku and Sachi talk about whatever they are talking about, probably cutesy stuff.

"(N)I am so sorry I really actually wanted to do this yesterday." He grabs your right hand holding it gently.

"I know I can get too much in work sometimes but it's only because I care about everyone" he states softly. You ponder for a moment thinking

'Were both dressed up, check, it's been four years, check, he offered to pay for everything, check, he apologized ,check, oh my god is this his way of proposing? Probably not dont go over thinking now it's just the booze' you chug your drink as you eat the cherries and order another one.

"Please slow down on the alchohol (n) you know it's not good for you" Law says softly rubbing your hand with his thumb.

"I think I remember you saying that your paying for everything so why not?" You retort still mad at him but you know one more drink and you'll be buzzed. You chug the drink and eat the cherries. Finally it's time to order food.

"I'll have the chicken parmesan" Sachi says.

"I'll have the spaghetti" Ikkaku says

"I'll have the onigiri" Law says

"And I'll have the sashimi tuna with ponzu sauce and a side of rice please and thank you" handing the waiter some berries. Law just looks at you.

"What are you stating at? Always tip your waiter. Dont you know that?" You state feeling the effects of the booze.

"Am I a bad partner?" You ask Law looking straight into his eyes. He shuffles uncomfortably.

"No your wonderful (n) if anything I'm the bad partner. I'm just so glad your still with me" he says squeezing your hand which you squeeze back then rub his hand with your thumb. As he does the same under the table.

"No more drinks for you though as your doctor" Law states to you as you become annoyed and remove your hand from him placing your hands together on the table. You flag down the waiter for a cherry cola. He brings it quickly also with some cherries.

"There are you happy doctor?" You letting the annoyedness sound in your voice.

"Please let's just have a good time" with long sigh you nod not wanting to ruin Sachis and Ikkakus date either. Soon the food comes and once everyone is done Ikkaku and you order dessert. Under the table you squeeze Laws leg making him startled but he relaxes as he knows its you.

"Thank you for a lovely evening .. dear" still feeling somewhat sour about Valentine's day, you dont let grudges go very easily. Soon dessert arrives making you pirk up feeling better with each sweet bite. You realize Law staring at your chocolate raspberry mousse cake you take a tiny bit and hold it up to him. Reluctantly he bites down on the fork as it slides out of his mouth. You know he doesnt like sweet things this is just a test to see just how sorry he really is.

"Its really rich and good" Law states. Sachi and Ikkaku are shocked he displayed PDA in public. Suddenly Law stands goes around his chair to you pushes the chair out of the way holds out his hand to you. You look at him

'What is he doing?' You think as you take his hand you stand in your beautiful attire he kneels pulling out a small box revealing a ruby heart shaped ring. In shock you just wait for him to speak.

"(N)D. (LN) will you marry me? It's been four years. I know we have some issu-"

"Yes I will!" You squeel in happiness as Sachi, Ikkaku, and everyone in the vacentity clap and go awe. He finishes he sentence

"I know we have some issues but I'm willing to compromise and work together with you on these things, I love you so much (n)" Law says before sliding the ring on your finger. He stands, cups your face with a hand and kisses you deeply. Tounges flickering around as if your the only two there, then breaking for air. "I love you too Trafalgar D. Water Law" you say as you kiss him again but less tounge this time. Once he realizes how many people are staring he blushes deeply but cant hide behind his hat since he left it behind in the sub. Which makes you giggle.

"Waiter four more drinks" you yell as Law looks at you confused.

"Dont you know we have to make a toast dear" you say happily. Once the waiter brings the drinks you all clink your drinks

"To love!" As you all drink champagne.

#trafalgar law #trafalgar d water law #law x reader #trafalgar law x reader #one piece x reader #one piece #law one piece #trafalgar law fluff #one piece law

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dancerinthestorm · 1 month

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Fic Recs: A World in a Grain of Sand Edition.

I love epic tales in which authors slowly build up their worlds and characters. I love losing myself in works slowly outgrowing canon word count to the point of forgetting to go to bed at reasonable hours. However, I am in absolute awe of writers who manage the rare feat of conjuring the same level of immersion with just a short story or even a one shot.

This totally incomplete list of my all-time favorite short(-ish) stories is a tribute to all intrepid souls out there tackling this challenge.

If you aren't familiar with the fandoms yet I still recommend diving straight in. They can be read and enjoyed totally out of context and you might just come out the other end with a new fandom obsession 😉

„Ars Poetica“ (AO3) by Rhune

Helping out around the Devil May Cry you are perfectly content to leave center stage to the devil hunters and demons of your acquaintance. Until the day Dante returns from hell, his stand-offish brother in tow. Suddenly - and quite unnervingly - you find yourself sharing your once quiet existence in the background with none other than Vergil.

One achingly perfect installment full of poetry, searing stares and everyone’s favorite moody half demon.

Devil May Cry (post DMC5). Vergil x fem!Reader. Rated E. 16k words.

+++

„Coming up Roses“ by @eupheme

The new groundskeeper at Wayne Manor is unsure what to make of stoic, unapproachable Alfred Pennyworth. At least at first...

All the yearning and suppressed feels of a 300-page Jane Austen novel condensed into two gorgeous chapters about falling in love when you least expect it. Topped off with some seriously hot smut for good measure.

The Batman. Alfred Pennyworth x fem!Reader. Rated E. 10k words.

+++

„Posterity“ by @whats-rambled-rambled

Posterity. Tenet's operators. Always just a call away to back up your field agents while they flit back and forth through time. It's dangerous work. People die. So you don't get close. Until there's Neil.

I know, I know , 7 chapters with 31k words is putting A LOT of strain on the definition of „short stories“ but I just HAD to include this one. Reading it simply broke me. Absolutely gorgeous prose, two main characters you cannot help falling in love with and a story that keeps you guessing until the very end.

Tenet. Neil x GN!Reader. Rated M. 31k words.

Pro tip: If you are not ready for a 31k word commitment yet (fair enough!) go for „The Way Down“ instead: A hauntingly beautiful 3-parter Battinson!Bruce Wayne/GN!Reader. Rated T.

+++

"Three Weeks on the Nimrodel" by @from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras

Haldir is quiet. Stoic. Solitary. Not the easiest person to be around for three weeks of guard duty up a solitary mallorn tree. He knows that and has made his peace with it. Until a so far unfamiliar fellow marchwarden comes along.

Do you know this moment of utter bliss when you come home after an absolutely rotten day and are finally able to snuggle up with a fluffy blanket, your favorite hot beverage and your comfort book/band/movie? This fic is that exact feeling distilled into 3000 words. Add a good helping of pure love for the more obscure corners of Middle Earth and two absolutely charming, introvert main characters et voila: utter contentment for you to come back to again and again and again whenever that fluffy blanket is out of reach.

Still not an Elves person. But I might have to fess up to being a Haldir person one of these days. This gem surely is another nail in my coffin 😅

Lord of the Rings. Haldir x GN!Reader. Rated G. 3k words.

+++

„Pinky promises & glow stars“ (AO3) by @softlyspector

Steven bumps into Marc’s childhood best friend in a coffee shop and decides that he wants to get to know her better. Marc decides that's a terrible idea.

Quiet and sad and sweet and absolutely beautiful.

Moon Knight. Marc Spector x Reader. Not rated on AO3. Think M to be on the safe side with everything the Moon Knight boys have been through. 10k words.

+++

As always: a huge thank you to all creators for your time and your passion and your talent. You guys are absolutely incredible and make this world a better place!

Something missing you say? Please feel free to shout your own recommendations at me in the comments!

#fic recs #dancerinthestorm reads #and makes it everyone elses problem #fics to treasure and re read for all eternity #virgil x reader #virgil sparda x reader #alfred pennyworth x reader #neil x reader #haldir x reader #bruce wayne x reader #battinson x reader #moon knight system x reader #marc spector x reader

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polarisbibliotheque · 2 months

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About the time a guy was being creepy to me on a professional setting and my gut feeling told me "GET OUT NOW"

Ok, so hi! This post has to do with a reblog recently here in my blog, on one of my fics regarding Dante and Vergil with an s/o suffering from being hit on without their consent. I write Devil May Cry fanfiction and that was my way of coping with a CREEP being, well, a creep.

Who would've known, fanfic is therapeutical

My answer got so big, I decided to make a separate post about it - and I'm talking like this because, if this gets out the DMC sphere and other people read it, they'll understand the fandom talk a little bit. This is not just for the fandom, but everyone out there.

Including men. All of us are prone to being targets of creeps - even if I'll be telling about my experience as a woman, take this advice to your heart NO MATTER your gender.

When this episode happened in my life, I was 27 y/o, I think...? I got pushed into such a stupid corner by this guy who kept messaging me with "work related" stuff... And my family wasn't validating my "this is weird" feeling.

So... What happened?

(TW: I mention the words "rape" and "sexual abuse" but none of that has happened. It was a red flag and I want to talk about avoiding it like the plague and how people might dismiss your gut feeling when something is wrong. I write with brutal honesty, curse words and don't censor anything, because I'm here to tell people how it is not curating content to go viral on clean ~family friendly~ social media. This is honest advice I'd give someone else, so it's just a heads up. I'm a little jaded with all the censoring of "forbidden words" when you have to discuss serious subjects like this nowadays hahahaha)

First context, I'm a Lawyer. Hi. I know it doesn't sound like it Second context, I'm from Latin America. Hi again!

Well, in my country, we have to vote every couple of years for the National Lawyer Association President and Vice-President (for my USA people, it's like the BAR association for Lawyers - meaning only lawyers who have passed the BAR and are, indeed, full-fledged to the association and with a lawyer permit can vote). I hate it, but it is what it is, I have to vote every time for one of those posh speaking clowns or else.

This much older guy stopped me at the entrance to the voting building to do some political propaganda of one of the candidates. Expected. They weren't the ones I was gonna vote 'cause their agenda didn't fit what I wanted for the Association - nevertheless, I smiled and was polite. Guy wouldn't shut up, but that's a lawyer thing. Kept being polite, dismissed him kindly and went inside to vote.

As I came back, guy is there and stops me. I had called my mom to give me a ride home - by that time, I had been broke and without a job for 2 years up until that point, trying to get back into the ~lawyer business~ and recover from a very bad burnout, so paying a ride back home was a big no. I had my phone on my hand and kept chatting because, you know, networking. You never know.

Now, mind you. I'm about to celebrate my 30th birthday this year, but people seriously think I'm underage wherever I go. I have to literally show them my credentials and ID so they can believe a single word I say. This guy, must've been around his 50s or something - and I look like a teen or, at best, 20 years old. I graduated when I was 22, so that's the most he could've imagined I was.

As we're talking, dude is flexing his career so hard I start to do the same. He says he has known the President and influential people in politics (back then, far-right government, so red flag already waving in the horizon), he has an office both here and in New York and Miami, he has worked with the FBI (we're in Latin America, the USA stuff is a flex for far-right people). I say I have worked as the Labor Lawyer in a huge worldwide known multinational company, coordinated with people in the USA and UK, had around 100 cases to manage monthly and keep the company in order when the directors were not around.

Guy is impressed and asks for my contact on LinkedIn. I'm down for it, I'm looking for a job and he could be one hell of a way to get back on business. Dude mentions he's in digital law and, heck, I wanted so bad to get into digital law! It was like he was put in my way by the angels to help me get back on my feet!

He asks for my resumé and my cellphone number, so he can have me in his office to have a cup of coffee. I am soaring by now. "That's it!!" I think "That's my ticket back to being a lawyer, to having my own money, to breaking the cycle of unemployment and having my career back!" - so I do it! I give him my number!

hello, workaholic aunt here speaking, my career was everything to me, I'd do everything for it

After I got back home, told my mom everything, and everyone was so happy. That's when he started sending me messages - asking for my address so he could send me some lawyer magazines and such... Even though he had asked when we were talking before and I changed the subject. I didn't give him of course, but instead sent him my resumé.

So, next day he asks me about that coffee and I said we can make it happen... Even if he got my name wrong. I have a pretty exotic name in whatever country I go, so it's a common mistake, known to happen, no one can pronounce my name right if I don't teach them how to, so yeah. I'm willing to gloss over that.

I'm assuming he read my resumé, saw how smart, capable and hardworking I am, and wants to talk business. Wants to offer me a job. I'm super ready. I'm taking my business clothes out of the closet, I'm cleaning my high heel black boots, I'm checking my references and vocabulary so I don't screw up. Guy sends a message saying he wants to take me out for lunch.

Red flag. My instincts flare up and I'm just staring at the screen. I start reviewing everything. I mean... Business lunches are ok, right? I had lunches with my manager and director plenty of times back in the day and it never got weird. So... Why was I feeling weird now...?

Guy says we can go out for lunch and then back at his office so he can show me around. I was like "hmmm... ok? shouldn't be weird. this is normal." but nevertheless I went to check with my mom and my sister.

Both said it was fine. I was feeling weird because it's a guy and me and I shouldn't be feeling uneasy - it's my social anxiety/workplace trauma talking. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I shouldn't screw up.

I keep talking to him. I ask where we should meet up for this lunch and he tells me to give him my address, so he could pick me up and we can go to "a nice place to have lunch" (his words, not mine).

Red flags are dancing around my head. I keep thinking "have I lead him on something????" and going mad. What was I wearing? Only work clothes, that's all - suit pants, black high heel boots, dark silk shirt and only a nude lipstick so my lips wouldn't get chapped. My shirt didn't even show cleavage.

It's ridiculous how I feel this is a thing I should add 'cause heaven forbid the cleavage

What about what I've said? Did I accidentally flirt?? 'Cause that's been known to happen - I'm a clueless ace who can't for the life of me notice when people are flirting or not or notice when people think I'm flirting with them. And usually when they are not flirting or being attractive, that's when the magic happens for me! So... What gives?! Did I do something wrong, that sent the wrong message?

I mean, I was nice, yes. But you're supposed to be nice to people. I'm not gonna be rude just because most guys can't keep it in their pants.

I go over the messages. I didn't do anything strictly not business like. I'm very good at that. I have only worked responding to men as bosses in my life, had four male bosses before him, all different ages, marital status, star signs, backgrounds, lives. The best colleagues and co-workers I used to spend hours having coffee and laughing with were men. So I know how to keep professional and not mixing things up. It wasn't a slip up from my side.

Well, then there's always the chance I was going crazy and overreacting, soooo... I go over to my mom and sister. They think it's weird, yes, but they do think that's exactly what's going on: I'm overreacting and my social anxiety/workplace trauma is blocking me from pursuing this opportunity that can help my career - and make me have a salary again so I can help at home.

Ok. I though up and go back to talking to him. I tell him fine but I'll go to the place myself, so he can tell me where he's thinking about having lunch. Guy tells me nothing and keeps insisting I give him my address and he will give me a ride so we can "get to know each other better".

My GODS I've never felt so uncomfortable. Not even when I had to stay ONLY with my boss working until 1 am, only the two of us in the company building, every light out except the one in the room we were in, him being around 15 years older than me and very confident, with the two of us having one of the best work chemistry I had in my LIFE.

He could've done ANYTHING to me, but we only talked strictly work. We were tired, he waited for my mom to pick me up at 1 am outside so nothing bad would happen to me, both of us under an umbrella, he apologized to my mom for having me stay at work so late and then went back home to his wife and kid. I NEVER, at ANY moment felt unsafe around him. He was my mentor, he was my boss, he was a good colleague and even somewhat of a friend.

So why on EARTH was I feeling SO UNCOMFORTABLE with this guy I had only met ONCE face to face in my life?

I start to voice my concerns. My mom and my sister think I'm only saying that because I don't want to go back to work. That I want to throw my career away because I can't control my anxiety and my feelings. We fight a couple of times and a couple of days. My mom tells my aunt about it. My aunt goes full FBI and does a background check on this dude.

That's when she told my mom some things weren't adding up. His LinkedIn profile was a little too weird and he had no ties whatsoever with the elected President of the Lawyer Association - was he really someone in their team for propaganda? Nevertheless, he did have an office and did work with digital law, both here and in the USA. I shouldn't let this opportunity slip.

I got so mad. SO MAD. To the point my sister decided to ask her boyfriend for his opinion on all of it and he was like "hey... your sister is kinda right. guy wouldn't offer to take ME to a nice restaurant to have lunch and go to his office later for a coffee, would he...? I mean, this never happened to me" - and sis' boyfriend is on the business meetings and negotiations/selling part of the spectrum. He knows what he's talking about.

So now I finally have a man validating my concerns.

I take the decision to shut the whole thing down. I go "very well, I will NOT meet him, I will NOT maintain contact with him, he's treating me like a whore he picked up on the street". At this point, I am FUCKING FUMING. But still, my sister and mom gave him the benefit of the doubt and made me feel like I was doing something wrong.

So I decided to marinate him for a while.

I should note that all his messages were sent close or around midnight, not at working hours. And I only answered at working hours. Since I was taking a while to respond, my dude just goes like, and I kid you not, "ooooh she's not answering, she's ignoring me, I don't like that *sad emoji*" LIKE A FUCKING 13 YEAR OLD (no offense, 13 y/o peoples, but this dude is a FULL GROWN ASS MAN).

I am offended, I am flabbergasted and I wish I could suplex him to oblivion.

I show my mom the message. She just stares at me in awe. She FINALLY is like "yeah, ok, this isn't very professional". ALL THIS TIME, I never really told her what I was thinking and what was really worrying me. And then I break her the news that, what I'm really afraid of, is that this guy is going to rape me in his car. Or he's going to drive me somewhere I can't fight or scream and then he'll rape me. Whatever the scenario, it ended up with me being raped and I was scared. SO. FUCKING. SCARED.

My mom goes into Sphinx mode - that's when she doesn't answer and doesn't even look at me and just ~thinks~. It's a brutal reality she doesn't like and I don't like it either, I mean, it's my safety we're talking about here.

I shut down the guy completely. I tell him there's a family emergency and I couldn't continue to give him any attention nor I could go out for that lunch and I couldn't talk anymore. He SUDDENLY goes cold and "I am sorry if any of my messages seemed inconvenient. Do answer when you have the time so we can make an appointment." And that's it. No more messages. He's done in my book.

My mom tells my aunt. Aunt goes Sherlock Holmes mode this time and, lo and behold, they find an website of this guy's office. My mom is shocked at how 90's internet it looks for a guy who works with digital law. She then recognizes the address of the office but the doesn't remember of any office building in that street - so she Googles it.

His "office" is actually a residential building - meaning, it was his home address. She shows it to me and I want to cry - out of rage, shame, fear, sadness. I go like "yeah, this is the place he wanted me to go, to his home. What was he going to do to me there, huh?" - and I think the answer is pretty obvious.

Later, speaking to my sister, she's like "I dunno why you're so mad" and I'm like "WELL MISS I just got PICKED UP LIKE A WHORE outside of an OFFICIAL EVENT for the NATIONAL LAWYER ASSOCIATION while I was DRESSED UP PROFESSIONALLY and looking for PROFESSIONAL opportunities and I COULD HAVE BEEN RAPED. I think I have all the right in the FUCKING WORLD to be FUMING."

That's when we diverged some more. She just said like "hey that's how the world works: women are treated like whores - you weren't the first one to have this happen to you and you won't be the last. What are you gonna do about it? Get over it."

Oh. Boy. I looked at my sister's eyes. I saw her just staring at me weirdly. A storm was approaching. The skies darkened. Bury the Light started playing in the background. Vergil's doppelgänger was standing behind me like an angel of death. (All DMC references for my non-DMC peoples)

"Well. I wanna have power. So much fucking power in this world that no one ever even thinks about treating me like that again. So much power they will fear standing in front of me and saying those words - they will look into my eyes and shut up. So much power I will never be afraid to walk on my own again and I will never have to doubt my feelings when I'm feeling unsafe because some lowlife pitiful little shit decided I should be a whore to satisfy him. I want to have power so I will never be this helpless again."

Cue in my sister just sitting there with butter in the slice of bread in her hand, staring at me like "wtf man... do you need a hug...?" and me doing a dramatic exit back to my room to, well... Write the fanfic in question.

(For my DMC creatures: I never even thought of Vergil when I said all of this, I just noted that thought later in my diary and reading it a couple of days later I was like "omg I have become my worst enemy, fuck you Verge" because I kid you not, I used to hate this man with all the fibers of my being - hence where my longfic Nemesis came from. I realized I lived long enough to become my worst enemy - and maybe I hated him because Vergil made me look at the part of myself I didn't like and didn't want to admit existed *I'm laughing while writing this, I do find it weirdly amusing*)

DMC things aside, this WHOLE episode made me feel so frustrated. I never had anyone to validate me, only people doubting me or asking me if I lead him on, or what was I wearing, or if I smiled too much, if I was being too nice, if I said something inappropriate, and so on. I had to get it all off my chest and I thought maybe, juuuust maybe, Dante and Vergil would've been more supportive regarding that.

Because, you know, they know trauma and they are protective as fuck. They can have all the red flags and mental issues in this world, but I don't think they would EVER dismiss their partner - especially a woman - feeling unsafe and fearing being abused or raped. In order to trust, you have to give the person and opportunity and room to open up to you without judgements - and I do think they aren't very judgy people.

I mean, they are demons, for fuck's sake. They can't judge anything especially Vergil

Also, I don't blame my mom nor my sister (even if I got really mad at her). In the end, both of them wanted what was best for me, they thought it was an opportunity and wanted me to get my career back. Truth is, no woman knows how to act when this happens. And they didn't know how to act as well. They didn't want to think of the worst: just like I was doubting myself and my own feelings, they were doubting theirs as well. We ALL had to be validated by a man to admit something was wrong and we weren't hysterical.

Ok, ok, storytime over. But I felt like sharing this because people, you are ALWAYS valid in your concerns - and there's no clothing, no smile, no attitude, no NOTHING that JUSTIFIES abuse. If you're abused or feeling like someone wants to take advantage of you, especially sexually, YOUR FEELINGS AND FEARS ARE VALID. Don't shrug it off or water it down just because people are saying you're overreacting - if I had listened to everyone around me instead of my gut feeling that something was REALLY wrong, only the gods know what would've happened. But I'll tell ya, it probably wouldn't have been good for me.

At best, I'd be mad this guy would want to pick me up like a whore and I'd have to turn him down and take a ride home. At worst, he would've raped me - in his car, at the "restaurant", at his "office". We don't know, but I didn't want to "give luck to bad luck" as we say where I live.

I didn't have support, so I wrote a story to feel supported by the fictional characters I look up to - I wished SO bad I was dating someone, especially a man, who'd tell me he'd go through hell and back to keep me safe and wouldn't allow anyone to hurt me and validate my feelings. Someone who would make me feel safe and I wouldn't have to only rely on myself.

cue in V saying he too wanted to be loved and protected, I tell you, all this time I thought I hated Vergil when I had only found my nemesis in a mirror

So, don't ever doubt yourselves. Don't ever doubt your gut feelings. We might want validation and someone to keep us safe, but sometimes we don't have that and have to rely on our survival mode. It sucks, but there's a reason why that thing is called "survival": it keeps you alive. It keeps you going.

And no one, NO ONE has the right to say you're overreacting, you're being hysterical, you're reading too much into it, you're just trying to find the easy way out, you just don't want an opportunity because you're lazy, you're crazy and deranged, etc, etc.

If your gut is flapping red flags all around, then overreact. Be hysterical. Read too much into it, find the easy way out, be lazy, be crazy and deranged. Be the villain. Be the bad person. You're not perfect. You're not a princess. Be comfortable with people telling you you're bad - but never NEVER let go of your gut feeling when your safety is on the line.

That fucking thing WILL save your life. Being too nice, though, might not. Listen to yourself, be TRUE to yourself, and, again, don't be afraid to be bad.

Someday you might just find your half-demon man who will support you, protect you and treat you as an equal powerhouse, but until that day, keep on conquering your self-esteem and unwavering will.

I'm just saying all of this now because:

1 - I was too scared to talk about this for a looong time afraid the guy in question would find this, know it's me and my safety would be on the line again

2 - Just now I'm getting comfortable with the concept of being "seen as the villain" and being "seen as bad". My whole life I have been dancing around this because people always said I had a "difficult" personality. I watched Cruella recently and it hit home so hard. We do have things to learn from villainous characters and maybe this is just who I am. People are going to see me as bad so, who cares. Even if I'm not, it would do me good getting used to that idea - I can be more assertive to my boundaries and not allow any of this to happen again. So, there you go. It's an exercise everyone should do. Are you comfortable defending your ideas, your boundaries and your integrity even if people are mad you're not being a pushover/perfectly polite?

It's something I think all of us should think about ;)

Also

thanks for coming to my TED Talk :')

#polaris speaks #story time #red flags #workplace #work life #job hunting #I don't even know how to tag this #so if you guys have any ideas you're welcome to add #I just think it's a bit of experience we all have to share #so other people will be aware and know how to avoid this kind of shit #because like I told you not even all the women in my family knew how to act #and we all have this thing of not being rude or cutting off relationships or networking contacts and such #of being perfect all the time #hence why I'm on this 'be bad be villainous be fabulous' phase #'cause I do think some of us could benefit from that #don't be a bitch by all means #but know how to set and protect your boundaries #alsoooo it's a huge post #I know #but I felt it might be good #so thanks for reading if you read all of it HAHAHAHA #I HOPE it has helped you xD #still scared of that guy finding me tho not gonna lie #but it is what it is

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