#cuz Bruce gets more dad as time goes by and by the time of Jason it's like. the equivalent of new dad w baby lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

suzukiblu · 6 days

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Ko-fi thank-you sentences for J behind the cut; Jason gets knocked up and accidentally goes home about it. Full disclosure, I took a lot longer than I should've finishing these 'cuz I was trying to use them to stitch together previous scenes and finish the whole fic. I did NOT manage that, but I did realize I'd written a lot more than I'd intended to, so I decided "fuck it" and just wrote another chunk of sentences to actually give J what I owed them, hah. ( chrono || non-chrono )

Then Alpha steps into view too, Alpha’s mate right behind him, and Jason forgets everything else and purrs.

Alpha’s home. Alpha came this time.

Alpha came for him this time.

That’s all he ever wanted him to do.

Alpha stares. He looks around the room just briefly, because it’s Alpha so of course he does–but then he stares.

“Jason?” he says, and Jason purrs louder.

Alpha came.

“He’s, you know–definitely feral-brained right now, obviously,” Little Brother says, gesturing sheepishly. Jason wonders who he’s talking about, idly, but isn’t really worried about it. “Kinda just showed up and let himself in, and then, uh . . . well, he’s, uh, presented to Alfred and Dick so far and been teaching Damian how to nest, so . . .”

“He did?” Alpha’s voice sounds a little–choked, maybe. Jason wonders why.

He’s still over in the doorway, for some reason. Jason wonders why that’s a thing too.

Alpha should know he’s allowed in the room, after all.

“Alpha,” he hums, loosening his grip on Pup Brother just enough to half-reach for Alpha. What’s taking him so long over there, anyway?

It’s dumb.

“Jaylad,” Alpha says tightly, half-taking a step forward and then–stopping, for some reason, just outside the doorway. Gripping one side of it, but not coming through it.

Dumb, Jason thinks, and furrows his brow impatiently.

“Alpha,” he insists, smacking the side of the nest once.

Really, really dumb.

“He accepted clothes with your scent, so . . .” Big Brother trails off.

“And a blanket with it, as well,” Grandpa puts in. “One he used on a foundational layer of the nest.”

“Ah,” Alpha says roughly, tightening his grip on the doorframe.

“Don’t hover, Father, Todd clearly expects your presence,” Pup Brother says in exasperation, which is much more useful. Jason purrs appreciatively and nuzzles him, and Pup Brother sighs in aggravation, but doesn’t try to squirm away or anything.

Good, Jason thinks, and nuzzles him harder.

Pup Brother rolls his eyes and sighs.

Alpha finally steps into the room, which is a start. Jason reaches towards him again with another, deeper purr.

Alpha . . . swallows, visibly, and then comes over to the nest; kneels down outside it beside Big Brother.

Close enough, Jason figures lazily, and catches Alpha’s wrist to drag his hand to his own stomach. He’s not wearing body armor, but it’s fine. It’s Alpha.

It’s . . .

“Present, Dad,” he hums, letting his eyes close.

Alpha makes a very tight noise, and his hand presses in very, very gently against Jason’s stomach. And the pup, obviously.

“Jaylad,” Alpha says, cracked and hoarse. Jason hums back contentedly, squeezing Alpha’s wrist once.

Good. That’s everybody, then.

Good, yeah.

“Who’s the sire?” Alpha’s mate asks curiously from the doorway, leaning against the frame. She hasn’t come in yet. Jason should probably tell her it’s fine, but he’s a little . . . distracted, maybe. Distracted. Yeah.

Mmm.

“He says either Kori or Roy, so we’re not technically sure, but the suspect list is pretty short,” Big Brother says, and Alpha’s mate laughs.

“Could be both,” she points out teasingly. “Up for double grandkittens, Bruce?”

“More concerned about the risk of having Oliver Queen for an in-law, thanks,” Alpha says dryly, letting out a rough little noise that isn’t quite a laugh and curling his fingers gently against Jason’s stomach.

“Jason might’ve mentioned they offered to mate him, so yeah, that’s a concern,” Big Brother confirms with a laugh of his own. “But Kori and Roy definitely don’t know about the pup yet. Even if he managed to slip ‘em, there’s no way I wouldn’t have heard from either of them if they were trying to find him while they knew he was bred.”

Jason huffs, because what does Big Brother mean “managed” to slip them? He could absolutely lose them whenever and wherever he felt like it. And anyway, he texted them earlier. So it’s not like they don’t know where he is.

. . . or have extrapolated where he is, anyway. But whatever, same difference.

“Ah,” Alpha says again, and swallows again too. Jason rolls his head back enough to peer up at him a little closer, not really sure what’s going on with him. Hm.

Well. He’s here. That’s all that really matters, really.

Except . . .

“Alpha?” he says again, not sure if . . . Alpha hasn’t taken his hand off his stomach, but he doesn’t seem–happy, really. Or pleased. Or . . . anything like that.

Jason’s not . . . sure, exactly.

Alpha’s hand presses in a little firmer against Jason’s stomach. Not too firm–not too much. But like . . . comfortably firm. If that makes sense, or whatever.

It feels nice, and Jason relaxes a little. Okay. That’s–better, he thinks. Right?

Alpha’s here, so . . . it’s better, yeah.

And it means he’s doing alright. He’s being a good omega. He brought home a good pup to present to the pack–good pups, maybe, if he’s lucky. Alpha will like that, right? If it’s more than one pup?

Any pup would be good, he thinks. Kori and Roy are both good sires. Lian’s great, for one. And Roy and Kori are great too. Just–definitely, yes. They’re gonna be such a good pup.

Even with–him in them, they’ll be a good pup.

He thinks so, anyway. They’ll have . . . better things than he did. They’ll be safer.

Won’t ever end up alone in an alley without a pack or alone on a warehouse floor with no backup coming.

Won’t ever doubt who actually loves them.

Alpha makes a strange, choked noise. Jason doesn’t know why, really. Someone’s purring really loud, but he doesn’t know who it is. Not Pup Brother, and there aren’t any other omegas in the pack, so . . .

Hm. Weird, yeah.

Well, everyone’s here, so he’s not worried about it anyway.

He’s being a good omega, and he brought his pup home to present. Grandpa and Big Brother were happy about it, and everybody else is here and settled in and safe. That’s all that matters, really.

As long as Alpha’s happy about the pup too, anyway. And Alpha’s hand is still on his stomach, and Alpha’s still next to the nest, so . . . yeah. That means he is, right?

So it’s good. Yeah.

The purring gets louder. Jason nuzzles Pup Brother’s hair and melts under Alpha’s hand and in Quiet Sister’s arms.

It’s definitely good.

Nice.

“Jason,” Alpha says tightly, and Jason cracks an eye open to look at him again. He doesn’t really remember when he closed them, but it’s not really important or anything.

Alpha has a hand half-over his face, and his head’s ducked down. Jason blinks sleepily, tilting his head to peer up at him again, but he can’t see his expression, really. He squeezes the hand he has around Alpha’s wrist; a little bit absent, a little bit like a reflex.

He missed Alpha so much.

The purring’s gotten really loud.

#j #wip: jason goes home #omegaverse

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minnesota-fats · 2 years

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I have seen many of Talia and Bruce are Dannys parents and heard of Danny being Selina's son and but NEVER have I saw Danny still being Maddies son, but Bruce is his biological dad too.

( It could be from a very drunken one-night stand and while Jack knows Danny isn't his biologically, he still treated him like his son which made Maddie love him more )

Maddie doesn't even bother telling Bruce out of fear he might use his money to take Danny from her and the whole Playboy Image wasn't helping.

Like imagine the meltdown from Damian since he's not the only blood son on top of being the youngest son to boot. And if he sees Dani he slowly gaslights himself into thinking she's the secret love child of his father and Selina and might worries there is some weight to Bruce's Playboy Image and there's a 4th blood sibling out there.

Talia wondering who the heck is this Madeline Fenton and how the HELL did she get give Bruce a son first? She's now in the top 5 on her shitlist.

And Vlad having a stroke at the realization that Danny is NOT Jack's bio son but freaking Bruce Wayne, the Playboy from Gotham. And if Bruce and Vlad don't like each other than this will be even more hilarious.

I have seen a fix with Jason as the blood father and Maddie still his mom but not Bruce!

I wonder how they would have met, Maddie and Bruce? Was there a engineer convention at Wayne tower? I bet Bruce had to go and Maddie and Jack were there because SCIENCE!

But Jack probably ran off leaving Maddie at the bar and Maddie just straight up NOT having a good time because this was the 90’s and if I am not mistaken a good chunk of the engineering field was male dominated and a bit misogynistic. And she got fuckin’ plastered and in her drinking haze might have even mistaken one tall black haired blue eyed man for another and decided that leaving with an equal (probably less so but still) drunk Bruce was DTF this random red head because he was also sick of all the misogynistic scientists around. (Also we all know that Bruce has a thing for women who can kick his fuckin ass!)

Or if your not into that the only other thought I had was Jack and Maddie have an open relationship and the reason Maddie doesn’t date Vlad is cuz he’s a big creep! (Jack would so date Vlad if he was given the chance!)

Anyway, after she wakes up and takes one look at the man next to her and is like, “that’s not Jack…” before hightailing it’s out of there!(probably in some sort of eccentric way) She looks for her actual husband the morning after. She realizes what has happened and was going to go home and sleep off her hangover before she tells her husband what had happened. Depending on the scenario Maddie would either be a bundle of nerves or she would be excited to say she found out she slept with Bruce Wayne of all people. (Even though he is known for his Brucie persona, both Jack and Maddie know no simple minded man can run a business like Wayne Industry’s)

Either way Jack would be hyped cuz BRUCE FRICKIN WAYNE!!!! And when he found out Maddie was prego be ever MORE FUCKIN HYPED cuz OH MY FUDGE ANOTHER BABY! (They may not be the best parents but they sure as shit love their kids) Maddie isn’t sure she should keep Danny but seeing Jack so excited she realized it didn’t matter because if he was so happy and she would be happy too.

Cue danny being born and Jazz being a big sister who is very excited to finally know where babies come from (and for her new baby brother I guess). Years later it probably would have never come up again but Vlad during his cloning phase decides to look into Danny’s dna some more. “Probably jacks dumb dna messing with their proses!” (Vlad would so gaslight himself into believing that even though intelligence doesn’t effect dna) and he finds not a sing bit of Jack in Danny.

After recovering from the shock of it Vlad starts scheming, comes up with a plan to use this to drive Jack and Maddie apart. Goes to Jack and in the most dramatic way possible tells Jack about the SHOCKING discovery that danny isn’t his son!

And Jack is like, “oh I know that! And don’t be silly Vlad! Danno might not be mine biologically but he’s still my boy!” And Vlad is about to rip his hair out because of course Jack wouldn’t be bothered with that! What a FOOL!!!

Then Vlad thinking he could salvage this decides to tell Danny who just thinks Vlad is fucking with him until Vlad barrages into the house at 9 am after looking more into who Danny bio dad would be and in the most offended outrage Danny has ever seen from the older halfa says “you slept with BRUCE WAYNE????” To Maddie causing both Danny and Jazz to spit out whatever the hell they were eating all over the table. (Jack: I know right? Pretty cool!!)

After that discovery Danny yeets himself into the ghost zone cuz wow, isn’t that a world shattering discovery to be thrusted upon you at 9 in the morning!

How the Batfam find out I’m not entirely sure? Maybe Danny wanted to meet him (probably not) or maybe it was ghosts hearing about it from some fight that Vlad and Danny have in the GZ and spreading rumors from ghost to ghost until it reaches the undead ears of Boston Brand (Deadman) who tells Constantine or Zatana who tell Bruce who just is plain confused as to why ghosts of all thing would know he has an unknown son (who may be dead???) Or maybe Talia finds out first and sends assassins to kill Maddie (who takes them on like a fuckin’ champ!) and Bruce follows the league of Assassins activity and finds that one woman he had a one night stand with and sees her son who looks too much like him to be a coincidence. Or maybe Damian found out first and this was when he first came to live with Bruce and he was still a little murder-y. He fucking tracks Danny down and is like “there can only be one!” And Danny is like “one what???? But jokes on you there is also more than one of me!” (Dani/Elle) thus causing Damien to go into a rage only to be stopped by what ever Batfam came to stop him! (Danny: what’s with the small angry child?) Dami pouts but moves on. (Can’t kill what’s already dead, maybe???)

Either way Danny would be welcomed into the bat fam with open arms! (Dami is reluctant but comes around when he finds out about Cujo (Dami: and I guess Danny is ok too))

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robintherobiner · 3 months

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Types of fics i need more of:

de-age fics. Baby Bruce? Teen Bruce? Baby Dick? Teen Dick? Baby Jason? Teen Jason. The list goes on and on. deage them all. is it sad? is it funny? is it cute? is it traumatic? i dont care, make them all little.

ghost fics. i want Jason to haunt the shit out of his family. he sees them all grieving, comes back to life, and instead of killing people he just leaves ominous notes like "i saw you trip on your cape." or "leave fifty bucks at *address* or i'll tell everyone about your superman body pillow."

Tim being an utter loser. I love him, but he should be incredibly put together in public and then he gets home and just... is a mess. never felt the touch of anyone, woman or man. can do complex mathematical equations but needs a calculator to solve 4 x 3. think Sherlock Holmes, who can tell everything about you from one look but doesnt know the earth revolves around the sun.

Alfred being called out for being an enabler! fuck that old man, i hate him. however if he made me a cup of tea, i would die for him. Im a very complex person.

Dick being Damians dad. so cute, i love it. Damian deserves to have his own taste of found family. fuck blood of the womb, lets go with blood of the covenent or whatever the quote says.

Jason being childish!!! i think his mental age should younger than his physical one cuz, trauma, being dead, being catatonic in some cases, also just being pretty young anywas? gimme a fic where he comes home covered in blood cuz he just killed four guys and then goes to have a shower so he can play with his rubber duckies.

kiddie crushes!!! gimme more Jason loving Wonder Woman and being an utter fanboy when he encounters her. "Oh em gee you're here to apprehend me? Wonder Woman, this is such an honor, can i have your autograph-" Young Dick meeting Superman for the first time and hiding under Bruce's cap because "He's so pretty Bruce, he's gonna hear my heart go fast!" Tim meeting Constantine and, to everyones despair, somehow adoring him. "So you do magic? Thats like, so cool! Tell me all about it. My parents were archeologists, we probably have loads of of magical objects, do you wanna check them? Do you like coffee? Did you really sell your soul to multiple people? Thats so hot- I MEAN COOL SHIT FUCK-"

Literally anything about Dicks time in the circus. I think i've only read like two fics about it? Compared to the hundreds going indepth on Tim and Jason's childhoods?

Similar to the last one, but gosh the culture shocks they all probably had! Dick was used to constantly moving from city to city. Jason going from being on the street to a mansion. Tim going from boarding school, a place full of kids his own age, to being alone in his house so that he could be Robin. Damian was used to being respected and honored, he was a prince after all, only to suddenly be told that everything he knew was wrong.

Babs and Tim. I think they would get along, i wanna see them bonding!

Joker Junior. i know its not canon and it was only in like one cartoon but oh my GOD i love it.

Trauma reveals!! i love them. Dick's time in spyral, his apprenticeship with Deathstroke, the multiple fucked up relationships he's been in. Everything Tim did during 'Brucequest', Jasons time with the LOA, literally anything from Damians childhood.

Jon being aged up and his relationship with Damian! i dont even need to add anything, you get the point.

Dana, Jack, and Janet. I want it so bad!!! Dana is implied but never confirmed to be dead so bring her back and let her and Tim mourn!! let Tim find out his parents both slept with Bruce and have Bruce be like "oops i forgot about that, soz sweetie-" let tim hate christmas eve because thats when his mother was buried!

if anyone has recs for any of these sort of fics, PLEASE GIVE THEM TO ME. i've probably read most of them already, but i have a terrible memory so i love re-reading fics. just, gimme gimme gimme

#i love my babygirls #dc comics #dc universe #batman comics #batfamily #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #fic rec #fanfiction #batman fanfiction #batfam

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batfam-my-beloved · 2 years

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Peak Batfam Character Design Headcannons

Bruce Wayne

• Jewish/Japanese/English (Idk where I saw it but someone drew Martha and Thomas Wayne and headcannon Martha as a Jewish Polish immigrant and Thomas as half Japanese half English and I really really love that headcannon) [Edit: it was @not-another-robin ]

• Stubbly scratchy

• Thicc thighs (save lives 🙏🥵)

• Under bite

• Scars all over

• Sharp features/high cheek bones

• 5ft 5in (we support a short king 🙌)

• Wide set sholders/back muscles of the ✨️gods✨️

• Has a scar right that goes through his left brow

• Pierced ears that he got when he was a teenager and going through his "goth" faze (let's be honest it still hasn't ended)

• Mainly sticks to wearing classic black/diamond studs

• Secretly misses his long dangling edgy earings

• Panromantic demisexual

• Autistic /OCD/PTSD

• Pls let him ramble about his special interests 🥺👉👈

• Romanian descent

Dick Grayson

• Built but lean

• Very flexible

• Lovely tan skin

• Cute dimples

• The prettiest dark blue eyes you ever did see

• ✨️Nice ass✨️ (obviously)

• Long leggedy legs

• Floofy mullet hair

• Tall boi 6ft 3in (exactly 1 whole inch taller than Jason and it infuriates him 😋)

• He had to get braces at one point and it was the worst time of his life (drama queen 🤭)

• Low key a fuck boi

• He still sweet tho 😘

• His stomach is an endless black hole

• This ain't no lie this boi is bi bi bi

• Adhd go brr 💨

Jason Todd

• Latino Jason for the win baby! Specifically Mexican because I'm projecting 😋

• Built like a shit brick house

• Sturdy but soft like a weight lifter

• No six pack only tum tum 😤

• 6ft 2in (1 inch shorter then Dick and hates it 🤣)

• Stubbly scratchy (like his dad 🥺)

• Thicc thighs that can crush heads (also like his dad 😅)

• Also is riddled with scars as well, mainly bullet wounds

• End the debate: he has heterochromia one blue and one green eye

• Crooked nose from constantly being broken

• J scar on the cheek (do NOT mention it)

• His eye sight is shit but he refuses to get glasses

• He caved once started have trouble reading without getting a headache 🤓

• Panromantic asexual

• PTSD cuz this boi gots ✨️trauma✨️

Tim Drake

• Vietnamese/Irish (cuz I said so 😤)

• Long lean Built

• Floppy hair with a middle part

• Tooth gap ❤️

• Has one (1) singular dimple on his right cheek

• When not on the clock as Robin he is clumsy and always covered in bandages

• Scraped knees and elbows

• Cuz he was a Skater boi and said no I ain't wearing a helmet

• ✨️Skater boi aesthetic✨️

• Also a gamer boi

• Yes he got the cat ear headphones 🐈 😻 🐈‍⬛️

• His eye sight turns to shit over time cuz he's always on the computer

• Yes he got the hipster glasses 🤓

• Bi disaster

• OCD go brr 💨

Damian Wayne

• Arabic

• Lean muscle like an MMA fighter

• Hopes to hit a growth spurt soon but he will still end up short just like his daddy 😈

• Lovely dark skin

• Very sharp features (like his dad)

• Beautiful green eyes (like his mom)

• Long slender nose

• Teeth and ears are slightly pointed due to his demon blood

• Under bite (it's genetic at this point 😋)

• Neat clipped spiky hair

• Prides himself in not having as many scars as the rest (sign of strength in combat)

• Nonbinary/Gender Queer

• Asperger's Syndrome

• His special interests are anime, animals, and swords

Cassandra Cain

• Chinese decent

• Ballerina body with a bit more muscle around the arms

• Ballerina feet (they hurt 🥺)

• Nice olive skin

• Cute round face

• Hands have lots of little scars and bruises

• Selective mute

• ASL and Chinese sign language✌️

• Bob hair cut with an under cut

• Wanted to peirce her ears when she saw that Bruce had his pierced

• They get matching earings ❤️

• Pan 💖💛💙

• Joining Jason in the PTSD and trauma club 😗✌️

Stephanie Brown

• Hungarian decent

• More square around the shoulders

• Stacked like a classic boxer

• 3 ears piercings on each ear

• Dirty blond hair reaches a little passed her shoulder blades

• Also has had braces at one point

• Nail polish is always chipped

• Has fought several people at 3am behind a Waffle house

• Bi icon

• Low key has anger issues but is going to therapy for that now 😗✌️

Duke Thomas

• African American

• Classic athletic build (like dorito)

• Large thick hands (so that he may hold the people he loves 🥺❤️)

• Square jaw line but also soft around the edges

• Short clipped hair with his little zig zaggies shaved on the side, sometimes he changes up the design when he feels daring 😘

• Ears stick out a little (very cute 😍)

• Also has pierced ear that he's had since he was 8yrs

• He to gets a matching set with Bruce and Cass ❤️

• Over bite

• He is an ally and very supportive 💕

• His lips are chapped cuz our boi gots ✨️Anxiety✨️ and is always chewing on them

#batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #dc comics #jason todd #tim drake #batfam #damian wayne #dc #duke thomas #stephanie brown #cassandra cain

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comatose--overdose · 2 years

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Tim, out of morbid curiosity while high out of his mind on allergy medication, decides to put a wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube man out on the Manor's front lawn and see how long it takes for the media to comment on it.

2 hours.

That's half an hour longer than the time it takes for Jason to notice it and decide to be a little shit. He tapes a giant piece of poster board to it with some heavy duty duct tape. It just says DONG. No explanation.

Throughout the day, each of the children add their own unique touch to the tube man, every addition stoking the flames as the media reads way too deeply into it all. Dick puts a jacket on it. Stephanie tapes streamers to it's hands. Cass draws some glasses. Damian adds a moustache that has a little too much detail. Duke wraps Christmas lights around the base.

The media loses its mind trying to decide what it could possibly mean. Gotham news sends a reporter to keep eyes on it at all times, trying to interview the kids when they make their additions. They all refuse to comment beyond saying it's "important" and "they're prepared."

Bruce, who has no idea what's going on or that it even exists, has an interview scheduled that evening to talk about an upcoming charity event, and is beyond baffled when he's confronted with questions about... Dongs??? What is happening??? He's always been an out and proud bisexual but come on. It takes Vicki pointing out the window.

Of course. Of course his children were to blame. When are they not.

Bruce tries to take it down but through the chaos, the kids have become attached. You can't take Chip away Bruce! They love him! YES HIS NAME IS CHIP. Jason breaks out the big guns and calls him dad to get Bruce to leave Chip alone. Bruce resigns himself to more headaches and strange questions for as long as Chip survives.

That being said he does start planning Chip's "accidental" demise, but no matter what he tries he fails. That thing-- "Chip!"-- Chip is indestructible. He's tried knives. He's tried fire. He's tried everything. He redoubles his efforts after he pisses Babs off and she adds a speaker that plays the Wilhelm scream whenever Chip flails at a certain angle. This pisses her off further and she makes it play the Howie scream at another angle.

The kids know what he's doing too, and they've dedicated themselves to protecting Chip at all costs. The media goes crazier as they add barbed wire fencing and spike traps around Chip. Tim sets up a fucking laser grid. Damian stations Titus there to stand guard. What is the meaning??

Reddit's theorizing that it's hiding a Wayne family treasure, or the entrance to a sacrificial altar, cuz like, they're rich, they're probably in a cult, right?

#i had a vision of a tubeman with a poster saying DONG and nearly shat myself laughing because I need sleep #so that's what prompted this I'm sorry #tim drake #jason todd #batfam #batfam crack #bruce wayne #dick grayson #batman #dc comics #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #duke thomas #damian wayne #vicki vale #Chip the tube man

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fancyfade · 2 years

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this is just like me being rambly

but a lot of the time people are tempted to compare jason with cass and damian based on surface level similarities (have killed people before, have died*) but the areas in which they are different based on those surface level similarities are much more interesting to me than those

first of all, damian and cass already have pretty cool contrasts (both being raised as assassins but cass was raised more as a weapon damian as a future leader**, cass having been horrified by her one kill and stopping immediately and damian having taken a very long time to stop and then a longer time to articulate why he stopped), but this isn’t about their comparison and contrasting it’s about the three together.

So anyway when we get past the surface level comparison ‘have killed people’ ‘have died’ we get some interesting stuff. They kind of have inverse arcs.

Jason starts as a fairly normal kid. he dabbled slightly in stealing but it still horrified by the crime academy (or w/e the place is called) when bruce accidentally dumps him there and wants to get out, and when he does have the opportunity to do normal kid stuff and allow bruce to take care of him. he’s pretty typically heroic and dies saving his mom who he knows betrayed him.

when he comes back from the dead, he is pro-killing (like everyone who kills he has his own explanation for when it’s right and necessary and not) and extremely anti redemption***. under the same writer who brought him back (winick) jason kills 90+ people in prison, some in ways he can’t possibly control how he’s killing (poison in the food) with the logic that they all deserved it.

compare this to damian and cass, who were raised not as normal kids, to kill people. cass, after she kills someone, is extremely suicidal. even if she doesn’t think anyone else deserves to die, she doesn’t really care if she does. eventually, she has an arc where she starts to heal and no longer feels like she needs to die (this is after shiva temporarily stops her heart/kills her) and while she’s never harsh on people earlier, she does have her interactions talking about the importance of change more after this (when she tells alpha that he can change and they relate over it).

damian also was raised to kill people but his un-learning process was slower. he kills people even after becoming robin (in situations of self defense (netz, talon) or situations where the threat may be too great later and also the guy just tortured him and tried to kill him and his dad (nobody)). he does unquestionably heroic things during this time (saving people, etc, being robin, saving scarlet even when she was trying to help jason hurt him and dick), and when he comes back from the dead he goes on a journey to make up for every bad thing he’s ever done and articulates why killing someone is wrong (it robs them of the choice to change) to the second nobody (daughter of the man he killed).

I think far more interesting than the ‘oh similar/relatable because they all killed people or died’ is a comparison to how their arcs inverted. Damian and Cass, who had both received second chances in their eyes, also went on to give other people second chances and have pretty clear moral codes against killing. Jason is extremely anti-second chance in preboot, and that is reflected in his willingness to kill

*ok i think they forget cass died frequently

**depending on continuity i feel like this was emphasized more in B&R 2011 and R:SoB than in pre flashpoint

***as always, when i talk about jason i’m talking about pre-flashpoint jason, cuz i haven’t read rhato new 52 or more than 6 issues of rebirth rhato

**** okay so i’m not actually sure that cass’s moral code shifted after her kill, because she stopped right away.

#dc comics #character meta #batfam #damian wayne #cassandra cain #jason todd

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sleeping-lilies · 3 years

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robin era jason, dick, and babs headcanons because there’s too much comedic potential to ignore

- dick and babs were the ultimate gossip buddies. whenever dick was with the titans for long periods of time, babs always filled him in on everything

babs: dick you’ll never believe what hal said to bruce last night, i even have videos. dick, the look on his face please—

dick, immediately locking doors so his teammates don’t hear the mad shit about to be dropped on main: tell me everything

- vice versa too, dick filled babs in on everything going on with the titans and all they can say is thank god those lines are bat secured with no villains being able to listen in, imagine deathstroke hearing through bat gossip that joey’s dating who?!?! 😳

- batkids have been and always will be the holder of superhero gossip. it’s a business, you see, but we’re getting off topic 😡

- lmfao anyways this is literally how dick finds out about jason

babs: anyways, jason—

dick: who the fuck is jason

babs: ....

dick: barbara?!?!

babs: ok promise you won’t freak out

- babs and dick’s first reaction upon meeting jason being “why is he so small i wasnt that small” “dick you were literally nine when you were robin—“ “he’s tiny” it’s like those two share the same braincell

- i’m making it so that dick gave jason his number earlier because i feel like it 😡😡😡 (not that it changes much other than the fact that i want more gossip dropped in dm’s)

- when dick gave jason his number, he went to babs like “give me jason’s number” “didn’t you literally just give him your’s?” “ya but i’m gonna make sure he texts me” “ya ok that’s fair”

- whenever jason didn’t want to be in the manor (fight with bruce, boredom, etc) he went to wherever the fuck babs lived and they would facetime dick and talk mad shit. it was a thing.

- despite them all being able to drive, babs was the only one during this time with an actual, legitimate, legal license (jason was too young to have a license and dick is too lazy/busy/whatever-excuse-he-wants-to-use to take the permit and driving test) so babs drove them around everywhere and it was a mess™ consisting of a bunch of backseat drivers

- “dick omg look at this video i found from the batcave” “omg he said robin gives him magic” “robin gives him magic” they both cry about it for years to come

- babs sometimes kidnapped jason after school after telling the head of wayne manor (alfred) and took him to get ice cream, then to the library while she worked. jason was the greatest kid in the library, he even had his own throne special chair just for him whenever he came provided by library staff who adored this absolute angel.

- jason 🤝 babs 🤝 dick -> i believe in annoying yet endearing nicknames supremacy

- nicknames include (some used by some more than others or just one, or by both equally because they’re annoying pick and choose my good people)

little wing (iconic, we all know this one fellas and who uses it)

red (used for babs, absolutely fantastic, but in the future it gets confusing because some people with their goddamn hero names 😡)

boy wonder (classic, babs calls them both that)

barbie (for babs, jason uses this one and he’s the only one able to get away with it)

dickie (jason just really gets away with everything huh)

dickhead (jason’s lucky he’s cute)

baba black sheep (jeez i’m on a roll with babs’ nicknames she’s so nickname-able and that’s very cool and sexy of her)

jay z

jay allen

jay jay jay (shut up, dickhead—)

big bird

and a bunch more i’m too tired to look for them in canon or make new ones up, but you get the idea

- dick can totally bake, and babs and jason keep bugging him when he’s baking and add more chocolate chips while pretending to not notice that he can see them 😡😡😡

- headcanon that jason had hero worship for babs and dick because they’re so cool in and out of costume and it never really went away when he got older listen his older brother and pseudo sister are so cool and that’s not his fault but he’ll never admit it

- barbie movie marathons because barbie is an iconic legend and they all recognize it. they have the fucking “she’s the queen of the WA-A-A-AVES” song memorized along with all other barbie movie songs, they sing it on patrol.

- dick and jason’s sibling dynamic was and is basically “ur a little shit and i hate you but i will literally kill for you”

- dick had tension with bruce while jason was just a little shit who would totally cause drama for the sake of it, and people never take advantage of this absolute power duo for destroying bruce

- dick sending cryptid texts to jason through a burner phone because he’s dramatic jason totally knew it was him about things that drive bruce mad, like leaving the shower turned to the coldest setting before bruce got there, leaving the lights in the batcave on, etc. jason, a wise little child, totally took advantage of this. bruce came to accept his fate

- the gc names, guys the group chat names

- jason crashing into titans tower whenever he wants and dick doesn’t bat (hAH) an eye, occasionally he very sweetly asks babs to come with him and she agrees but only sometimes because some people have jobs, jason—wait dick is being flirted with by who?!?! i’ll leave it up to your imagination ;) and they totally crashed titans missions too

- one time bruce was busy with the league while alfred was on vacation and bruce absolutely could not dip (i’m imagining bruce getting a call from the headmaster during an honest to god fight and bruce just picking up while punching the daylights out of some asshole) (“mr wayne, what is that noise in the background?” “sorry, headmaster, the cat is having a seizure”), so when jason got into a “fight” (read: some jackass picking on jason before he snapped and yelled at him and the bitchass kid tried to punch him and jason’s no quitter) bruce called dick who was an adult and legally family (yes dick is adopted sometime after jason was, stay mad) like “son... son please” and dick was like “oh no need to plead with me, this is too good” but of course this bitchass doesn’t have an actual lisence yet and he was hanging out with babs anyways so he and babs rolled up to gotham academy and the kids stared at them like “holy shit they’re so cool” ya dick and babs are those power couple, whether romantic or not, that turn heads, they’re just that powerful strolled into the office, bailed jason out while intimidating the headmaster because the altercation was the result of school staff negligence of actual bullying like those cliche tropes, said “ayyy you got that brat good” and get him chili dogs or whatever the fandom made robin jason’s favorite food. omg i just made an entire fanfic in rough draft form someone please steal it and write it in full form and send me the link

- jason is very very tiny, you see. babs and dick pick him up and move him for any reason, whether because they want to sit on that chair or to just throw him out of harm’s way and take the bullet for themselves.

- jason and dick both get adorable blushes on their faces it’s genetic yes that’s how genetics work shut up meanwhile babs’ ears turn red when she’s embarrassed and all three of them clown each other for it

- i yelled about this to my mutual (cough cough @littlespaceboii) who also added to this absolute dogshit headcanon and then in the discord full of mutuals, but the basement of wayne manor is haunted. dick found it when he was a little gremlin (i stand by that dick was the original demon child) (“you see damian, before there was you there was me” the real reason he was good with damian lmfao) and was like “omg this is so cool” @littlespaceboii came up with that it was just alfred fucking with bruce and so when jason first came and dick was comfy around him he was like “so have you been in the basement” and jason was like “im literally robin i’ve been in the batcave?!?!” and dick goes “no the basement, the haunted one” and jason’s like “hAUNTED?!?!” cuz jason has at least some self preservations and knows not to fuck with the spookies until he too became a spooky and bruce was like “there’s no ghost it’s not haunted” because he’s a skeptic and a party pooper and babs is like “no go on let him finish” even though she knows full well there are no ghosts or does she? and uhhhh basically they becomes ghostbusters 2.0 but cooler and funnier

- this trio is basically baby pan/bisexual jason and two resident expert pan/bisexuals solidarity but that’s literally canon. they go to pride every year that jason’s alive what who said that?

- they all tease each other for their crushes like all siblings/family friends do, i don’t need to say it but it’s important that’s emphasized for my well being

- yelled about this in the discord to the mutuals who added onto this absolute train wreck too, but jason used to play baseball during his robin days, and dick never showed up to those games with being busy as an excuse, but babs always showed up with bruce and alfred and took pictures for dick so dick could be like “mlb players are jobless now that little wing is on the scene” babs (and sometimes bruce) always shouted loudest for jason whether he was in the field or in the dugout and jason would get this extremely adorable blush on his face (jason finds out in the future why dick never showed up (cough cough ptsd from two face’s massive baseball bat which led to everything that came after including being fired and veangance academy and nearly killing two face and omg that’s a ride) and is like oh my god my childhood is even more ruined—)

- remember when i said dick got adopted after jason did in this new absolutely fabulous canon i just created? bruce did that because “ahhh fuck that’s my kid and i want him to know i love him through every means possible since i have the ability to do so” i believe in good dad bruce supremacy and made a whole thing where he invited dick to dinner for like a week to work up the courage and bonding to ask him and show him the adoption papers and then everyone cried :) bruce decided to finally adopt dick after jason referred to dick as his brother and bruce was like “...oh” and alfred was like 👀

- dick, as the first child hero and one of the first heroes period like at least a year or two before babs, holds the “back in my day” card over literally everyone in the hero community in general and pulls it out to annoy babs and jason even tho babs literally joined the scene only a year or two after dick

jason, shaking in his panties: it’s so fucking cold

dick, standing strong in his tits out outfit, who had to wear the panties on his own decision: oh, you’re cold? back in my day—

babs, throwing her boot at his face: god shut the fuck up—

and then dick doesn’t give back her boot and it becomes a whole thing with lots of tackling and play fighting and someone nearly gets thrown off they rooftop for funsies but anyways

also on a side note, babs would take off her cape and wrap it around jason whenever she noticed his discomfort with the weather, or use the weather as an excuse whenever she saw him uneasy for whatever reason and they never mention it to each other

- yelled about this in the discord to the mutuals at some point too holy shit i have friends, but those three are team rocket. they went out as team rocket for halloween one year after bullying bruce to let jason out only jason because he can’t tell dick and babs what to do and jason is under his care and when they do convince him, dick and babs bully jason into being meowth. manifesting jason in a meowth onesie ARTISTS PLEASE—

- dick finally took his license seriously and took his driver’s test after babs became paralyzed.

- those were a rough few months for those three. and then another rough few months for those two

- yikes, sorry to throw angst at you (sorry (unfeeling)) anyways, in the future alfred finds those old photos and shows the rest of the fam, so dick and babs bully jason, 6’2 jason that towers way above both of them, and once again bullies him into being meowth “for tradition, little wing!” “shut up, dickhead” the rest of the batkids lose their shit over this, naturally. bruce and alfred stand in the back teary eyed reminiscing the old days when things were a little more simple.

- discowing walked so terrifying handsome squidward red hood helmet could run (even tho the ugly helmet tripped and fell and missed the mark because discowing wasn’t ugly and will always remain superior, i feel i have committed a terrible crime comparing the two)

dick: jason what the fuck is that

jason: it’s fashion

dick: it’s terrifying

jason: i’m only following in my older brother’s footsteps 😔

dick: listen here, you little shit strangles him haha just kidding that illegal wait theyre vigilantes they don’t follow the law—

- these three and cass refer to the rest of the batkids as “the kids” (if she’s older than jason, sometimes she is and sometimes she isn’t and i’m really confused but whatever)

- babs and dick’s relationship with jason pre death literally shaped how jason treats his siblings post pit madness like he literally goes “what would red and big bird do?!??” when he needs to go into big brother mode over the “little ones” (“little” because tim and steph are adults and duke is nearly an adult himself oh my god he’ll graduate from high school soon and jason never got to do that himself he’s totally going to the ceremony legally dead or not) 🥺

- holy trinity continue hanging out with each other, whether lunch or games or whatever, and just enjoy each other’s company after long, rough years

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creatureofmystry · 3 years

Text

MLB x DC Universe Headcannons

I just love the idea of MLB and DC (expecially Batfam cuz Mari is such a Wayne) being in the same universe and crossing over. So one night, I just had an idea overload of different ways the Marinette would know the batfam/be a part of the DC universe. And if any of my shitty ideas somehow inspire or prompt you, then please be my guest. 😊 _

1) “Ladybugs of Past and Present”

Hippolyta, Wonder Woman’s mother, was once a previous holder of the ladybug miraculous. When Fu activated the miraculous and put them in circulation, Hippolyta could feel its magic waking back up. Knowing there must a reason for it to be out, she sent a message to her daughter. Diana searched, finding Marinette and Adrien as the present holders of the ladybug and cat miraculous. She vouched and brought them into the Young Justice program while they also made their own team, Project: Zodiac (or something like that).

[Sometime when Diana takes Marinette to meet Hippolyta]

“Great Hera, Tikki, you have not aged a day” -Hippolyta, cause she does know how to make joke.

“And I would say the same to you” -Tikki

“Mother, you can make a laugh?” -Wonder Woman, honestly a bit confused cause her mom have never not been serious before.

And Marinette is just speechless cause she’s starstruck meeting Wonder Woman’s mom AND a previous Ladybug holder.

2) “Rockstar Niece”

Jagged Stone is Marinette’s Sweet Uncle J. During the summers, Jagged Stone would take Mari with him on tour. HIs summer tours are throughout America, so Mari gets to sightsee the country. Jagged’s first tour that he gets to take Mari on (5-ish), he’s also booked for the annual (for whatever reason) Wayne Summer Gala. When Marinette meets the Waynes, they are so enamoured (Dick and Tim couldn’t help it) that they tell Jagged he’s always invited as a guest, Mari of course being added to the permanent guest list too. About 6 years later, Mari is practically adopted, spending the first half of her summers with Jagged, going to the Wayne Gala, then spending the rest of her summer with the Waynes. Overtime, she figured out the secrets of the family and was there to welcome Jason back from the dead (when that happens). Anyways, now 11(-ish?) Mari meets Damian and the two become good friends… after an… impressionable first meeting.

“Tch, let me guess, you’re another one of father’s adopted strays” -Dami

“YOU MUST BE DAMIAN!!! DICK TOLD ME ABOUT YOU!!” -Marinette, who just ignores what he said for a hug.

“hiiiiiiiiissssssss” -Dami, touchy with touch

“...” sprays water in his face since he decided to act like a cat.

“I say, Master Bruce, the children are getting along quite well” -Alfred

3) “Pen Pals”

Jon Kent and Marinette Dupain-Cheng are part of an international pen-pal program, starting when they were very young (maybe like 4 or 5-ish, super super young) where they told each other everything (Jon can’t just say that his older bro is a clone made from Superman and Lex Luthor’s DNA, or that his dad is Superman, or that his best friend is Robin, but yea. Lois and Clark probably proofread his stuff until he’s like 9) with pictures and everything. When they’re old enough to get phones & stuff, they call, text and vid-chat along with their letters (love without blood). When Mari is maybe 9-11 (somewhere around there) she starts flying over during the summers to hangout with Jon (and his friends and big brother). While there, she meets Kon, Bat fam, and Clark (some who she already knew, some who she didn’t) & lightly hints that she knows who all they are once she figures it out (it didn��t take her long to do so).

Now whenever she visits and is at Wayne Manor (Jon likes to have sleepovers practically every weekend) while they’re on patrol, Mari subtly messes with their minds (super subtle, they’re the world’s best detectives after all) until they finally look through the cams and see Mari giving them one of those smiles (those shit-grinning cause it’s just so hilarious how it’s gone on for so long) & and a playful wink.

[5 seconds later]

“Mari!” “Pixie-pop!” “Angel!” “Teacup!”

“Seriously, am I the only one with a normal nickname for her?” -Tim

“Ms. Marinette would like to inform you that ‘it took you long enough’” -Alfred (who so knows that the girl has been playing them since the third night she stayed at the Wayne’s)

“Where are my adoption papers?” -Bruce (who is seriously adopting any talented black-haired child)

4) “Mari and Mar’i”

When Mar’i is young, Dick and Kori take her with them to see Paris (btw, this would be during the winter). They’re strolling along through a park and lose track of Mar’i who finds Marinette (9-10 ish). Marinette comforts and distracts Mar’i while noticing the young(er) girl is Tameranian (her hair is very warm and she’s wearing significantly less layers than should be worn for a human of that age during the winter, plus that sun-kissed skin tone. She’s seen Kori in her fashion magazines (and, from time to time, on the news as an ambassador) so she easily make the connections). Dick and Kori finally spot Mar’i with Mari who introduces herself to them. Mar’i asks if she can see her “Auntinette” again and Marinette just goes “if your parents are okay with it.” Dick and Kori are totally cool with it (not many are willing to watch her and have the time to do it) so they ask Marinette if she can babysit Mar’i whenever (with good pay of course) if she’s up to it (cause she’s still pretty young). Marinette can’t say no to Mar’i’s babydoll eyes (and she’s so much easier compared to Manon, who’s only 2 rn), so of course, she says yes.

Now Marinette is Mar’is official babysitter and sees Mar’i often whenever her parents drop her off (using zeta tubes to quickly get to Paris and back). Marinette gets treated like an honorary Wayne (cause she’s the most responsible) and gets invited to their family stuff (w/ travel pay taken care of, of course). It doesn’t take her long to realize the fact that she babysits Bruce Wayne’s & BATMAN’S granddaughter, but of course, being the responsible one she is, keeps the secret… while also playing with them via Mar’i.

[One Day]

After Marinette leaves for her plane…

“Uncle Dami!”

“Yes, Spawn?”

“Auntinette said to tell you after she left that Robin’s sut needs a major upgrade & that you look like a traffic light… whatever that’s supposed to mean.”

[Another Day]

“Uncle Jay!”

“What’s up kid?’

“Auntinette said that to let you know that Red Hood doesn’t make any sense ‘cause Red Hood wears a helmet. Not a hood.”

[The next time]

“Uncle Tim!”

Yawn. “yea?”

“Auntie told me to give you this” (pulls out super caffeinated coffee) “and that Red Robin’s cowl is a menace to all things fashion”

[Again…]

“Daddy!”

“Yes, Starshine?”

“Auntienette said she’s proud of Nightwing’s costume ‘cause it’s one of the only in the batfam that isn’t an astro-city to the fashion society.”

5) “Marinette, the one who’s always getting chosen”

Before Mari became (becomes(?)) LB, she comes across a different powerful piece of jewelry, from a different order of guardians where her will of mind is not only her shield from being akumatized, but it is also what drives her powers. That’s right, Mari walks past a flea market and activates a GL ring. The guardians pick up on this activity and send Hal (it is his sector) to check it out. Hal finds the ring with Mari but it still needs the light of a GL to charge and fully work.

[During the explanation]

“Look, kid-”

“Marinette.”

“Look, kid, I just need to know why you have that ring.”

“You think I know? I was just walking through the market and all of a sudden, this possessed ring, if that’s even what this is, started following me, then zipped in front of my face til i held my hand up so it can put itself on my finger.”

“Kid-”

“It’s MARINETTE. Get it wrong one more time and you’ll see why I don’t need a possessed piece of alien jewelry.” -Marinette, making sure you get her name right. “Besides, if I stole it, I would remember. I’m a klepto” -Marinette, probably holding his ring too at this point.

Hal obviously doesn’t want the wrath of the Dupain-Chengs (just the kid Marinette scares him enough), so he tells the guardians that JL will take care of most of Mari’s training (once they get her a lamp for her ring, of course) & has her take part in training at Mt. Justice with the Young Justice team and special training with the Bats. Mari does all this under the guise of an international student exchange program for Mari to stay with the Waynes (not yet knowing that it’s the bat fam) and attends G.A. Mari doesn’t do much, but it takes her 24-36 hours to know who EVERYONE is.

[the next week after settling in]

“Hey, Mars,” -Dick, in his Nightwing gear

“Hey, Di-is the GREATEST SHOW!” -Mari, changing the subject(… not really)

“How long did it take you?”

“Not as long as the Kryptonians…” -Mari, going off into a tangent (still trying to change the subject”

[When Marinette meets Tikki]

Back in Paris:

“Sooo… I’m getting powerful jewelry that gives me powers and a suit, needs to be recharged, and comes from some Order of the Guardians? What’s the difference between you and my ring?” -Marinette, who at this point is very confused as to why she keeps getting picked on for this kind of stuff.

“One’s alien, one’s magic” -Tikki, hoping Mari will end it there & lowkey hates that the GL Corp. got to her first.

“They’re both non-human made energy sources” -Mari, cause once you’ve seen it once, you’ve seen it all before.

“You can’t heal the Akuma without the miraculous, and there are more than just rings. Yours are earrings, there are hair clips, bracelets, necklaces and more” -Tikki, after having a minute to think

“Fine, only because you said they’re the only way to heal the, what was it again, akuma?”

6) “Their Unofficial Official Barista”

Part of Tim’s job as Co-CEO, is to make sure all the branches are running smoothly, sometimes that means he has to fly abroad to manually check in. Tim goes to Paris to check on the W.E. Paris branch. He goes to a nearby Patisserie (Tom and Sabine’s) to see a young Marinette (somewhere from 8-11) drawing in her sketchbook at the counter. She explains that her parents are at a catering event, but she’s there to man the little bakery. Tim asks for a super caffeinated coffee and Marinette makes it with ease, claiming it was on the house with how bad he looks (and how much sleep the man clearly needs). Tim begs for her knowledge and asks if she can teach his butler. Mari’s willing to show him the next time he comes, so he gets the whole fam to go (viz tubes so they don’t waste time) maybe a week later. Everyone gets their own drink (plus a free pastries) and Marinette teaches Alfred her coffee, but it’s just not the same so Tim, using the tubes, goes to get coffee from the girl whenever he can.

Mari is horrible at getting up on time (the life of an insomniac, never getting to sleep even if you want and then barely waking up on time) that she is up super early, makes Tim his coffee (plus a croissant) and tries to go back to sleep (making her inevitably late). Tim would walk up to the pick-up counter where his cup and to-go bag is while Marinette runs out of the house to get to school. Eventually, the rest of the Batfam (as well as the Laegue, TT, and YJ) frequent the place, slowly becoming (Dami too) Mari hides it, but she knew all the batfam the first day they came and she showed Alfred how to make the coffee. When the others start making more regular appearances, she learns the identities of YJ team, WW, GLs, and others. Obviously when LB and CN appear as heroes with HM as their villain, they immediately reach out to help. Because 1. Batfam clearly notices that it’s Mari and they sure as heck won’t let her deal with that by herself, and 2. The JL is worrying too much about their favorite barista (even though she’s not really one), especially with the Gigantitan scare. So, of course LB & CN (can’t make him bad everytime) get inducted into YJ.

[After Ladybug finishes defeating Gigantitan and detransforms]

“Bean! Are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you?” -Tim, being an even more protective older brother than Dick, which shouldn’t be possible

“Yes, I promise. I’m fine” -Marinette, who just accepts the fact that she’s adopted an older brother (and his famliy)

“Tube over, we’ll have Alfred make sure” -Dick, already pulling out the medical supplies for Alfred.

“I-”

“You shouldn’t worry your brothers like that, Marinette. Now come over so Alfred can clear you,” -Bruce, who just happens to overhear the conversation

“I’m sorry, Miss Marinette, they are very adamant that you’re in pitch perfect health before going out again,” -Alfred, who’s not actually sorry

“Fine” -Marinette, accepting her fate of her adopted, protective family.

7) “Thicker Than the Blood We’ve Shed”

Why is Marinette so freakishly strong? Because she was trained to be. Before she could even talk, Mari was taught to be an assassin. She and Damian were frenemies, both competing for top spot as best in the League (of Assassins). They often spared together and became rivals who pushed each other (which sounds great in that context if you forget about the fact that they’re killing people and turning it into a competition). When Damian’s care is turned over to Batsy, Mari also comes along for the ride. She implements herself into Dami’s classes at G.A. & watches him from afar. (Damian, not being an idiot, of course knows all this and knows that it’s probably for Mari to give a report to Talia.) When he becomes Robin, Mari obviously knows, but waits to see if anything drastic would happen (his care was given to the Batfam, they had already expected this to happen.) She then heard word of the bounty Talia put on Damian’s head. Marinette knew there wouldn’t be much she could do to help, but she ave Dami a warning about the upcoming situation before fleeing the country.

From there she got to France, changed her name (it wasn’t originally Marinette, it was Shénqí, chinese for miraculous/magical (or something else if you want)), was adopted by Tom & Sabine, and left her time in the League in the past. When she received Tikki, she didn’t want to be a hero because she didn’t think she deserved it after her up-bringing. Eventually, she did become LB (being a trained assassin does help with lucky charms, considering she was taught how to kill with basically every and anything), and life was good for her. Then Rossi came.

[Gotham field trip]

While at Wayne Tower…

“How idiotic are they?” -Damian, who after reuniting with his long-lost sister-from-a-different-mister (yes, Marinette was able to convince him to say it once), can’t understand the stupidity she has to deal with.

“Are you Robin?” -Mari, who is too tired, so just goes straight into the analogy

“Yes.” -Obvious and simply is.

“Exactly” -Mari, who can’t even put a limit to the amount of thought the one brain cell the class shares doesn’t use. I mean please, the so-called “reporter” believed that the first cosplayer she saw was the actual LB when they don’t even have the same hair! And let’s not forget the origins arc, where LB’s first citizen save was Chloe.

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bigskydreaming · 3 years

Note

So, how far do you think Jasons booktastes goes? Is he like a hard-core classic fan or does it variate between his moods?

Absolutely the latter, IMO. I know there’s a tendency to lean hard into the idea that Jason’s just all about the classics, but I think overall we have a rather finite and white European and American skewed 'definition’ of what constitutes a classic in the first place, and you know me and my classist rantings.....unless you don’t but whatever, now you do, I’m personally leery of over-emphasizing Jason’s sophisticated reading palette or whatever as like, some kind of pushback against his otherwise lower-class origin because I don’t think its necessary. I mean who knows if that’s how its intended in any given specific situation, but I definitely feel like there’s a general undercurrent of that threaded through a lot of Jason’s depictions overall that I’m like ‘no thanks’ to.

I think Jason’s all over the place as a reader. His only defining characteristic as a reader IMO is that he’s a voracious one, and he reads anything and everything he can get his hands on, and finds something appealing and in new and different ways in every genre. I think as his skills develop as Robin and a detective, he hungrily reads mystery novels to see how quickly he can figure out who did it. I think he reads true crime to try and solve it ahead of the book’s conclusions the same way we’ve seen Dick solve cases watching America’s Most Wanted.

I think before traveling was an option for Jason, living with Bruce, he enjoyed travel guides/pieces and nonfiction, to get a sense of places far away from Gotham. I think once he was living with Bruce and encountering colleagues of his dad’s who were literally from other planets and had advanced technology and magic, he had a growing personal collection of fantasy and sci-fi books just so when he did get a chance to join Bruce when he was around other heroes he could be like “okay I read in this one book where they did this spell are there any real spells like that huh huh?” or “so in this one series they had a spaceship that could do this do you know of any spaceships that are like that like could that be real?” I think he loves mythology because a) he’s gay duh and b) Diana is an actual Amazon, like why wouldn’t you love mythology when you could fact-check Edith Hamilton against an actual Amazon it just makes sense.

I think he’s got shelves full of old-school dimestore pulp fiction novels, the long-running series kinds, because he doesn’t think cheap equals bad and also they’re just fun. And also also, he loves the serialized nature of a lot of works because one of the biggest evidences of stability in his young life, before ADITF, like, one of the things that finally got him thinking like wow this is like how I live now huh, was the realization that when before, the unpredictable nature of his life meant he kinda just had to read things in one go and not count on ever being able to follow up on them, like......when living with Bruce, he suddenly just realized one day that like, all those series that have so many more books in them than I could ever read in one go, the kind of things you’re meant to RETURN to, to follow along over periods of months and years.....I can do that now, here.

And even after his return as the Red Hood, once he slowly started settling into his new life and put his focus not just towards reacting to his trauma but trying to build beyond that again and have actual hobbies, interests, etc.....one of the biggest evidences to him that he could do that, be more than JUST the Red Hood, was literally no different from when he first had that epiphany living with Bruce. When he looked into all those series that he perhaps never got to finish, or that were still ongoing when he was killed, and found an unexpected continuity in the reminder and awareness that they were still out there, waiting for him to finish them, that they were still being published, available for him to catch up......that his life had ended, but then he came back so maybe it was more just interrupted. That so many things are different now from how they were before, but some things are still the same, that he’s so different now but in some ways he IS still the same.

Like yeah, sure, I do think he’s got plenty of Jane Austen on his shelves, but he’s also got Octavia Butler and Ursula K. LeGuin and Mary Shelley not once but twice....nah let’s go wild and make it five times....cuz I think he’s got very specific SYSTEMS for how his books are arranged, one of those particular things that arose from the awareness that he actually COULD be particular about his books, that it was entirely up to him......and once he found out that Frankenstein’s Monster existed he was like okay but is the book based on that or was that based on the book, did art imitate life or did life imitate art I HAVE TO KNOW IF IT GOES IN FICTION OR NON-FICTION! And so Alfred and Bruce and Dick and Barbara all had the same idea of like, why not both, both is good, and gave him an extra copy and so he ended up with like five copies of Frankenstein.

Also, literally every time he ends up with a case or aware of a case where vampires or werewolves or aliens or gods are involved, you can find a whole new section of fiction and nonfiction on the related subject in his room, and he’s scribbled all throughout the margins like LOL WELL THIS ISNT RIGHT and NOPE GOT THIS WRONG and IF THIS AUTHOR WAS ALIVE TODAY I WOULD TELL THEM RIGHT TO THEIR STUPID FACE ABOUT HOW NOT ACCURATE THEIR SAFETY PROTOCOLS FOR DEALING WITH VAMPIRES ARE LIKE THATS THE LAST TIME I BRING GARLIC TO A VAMPIRE FIGHT AND THINK IM DOING ANYTHING BUT SMELLING LIKE A TASTY PASTA FLAVORED TREAT, LIKE THANKS FOR NOTHING YOU ABSOLUTE HACK.

(Also I think Jason thinks Poe’s a pretentious boor, mostly because I find it funny to script scenes in my head where Jason just goes OFF about various authors and his Opinions on them, but he still likes his stuff for the mood and is like DONT @ ME, IM COMPLICATED, but this is entirely because of an old personal headcanon of mine where like, the frequent references to the gothic nature of Gotham tied to Jason’s very Gothammite nature resulted in my brain doing a What If where Jason either post-Robin-where-he-didn’t-die or even post-Red Hood picks a raven themed ensemble and calls himself something like Nevermore, and is like, Caw Caw, Im Gotham, Bitch).

In summation, I think Jason is eclectic as hell, and like, if its a book, and he’s got the time, he’s gotta read it because duh, that’s just the law of the jungle, he’s like lololol what there’s a book and I’m just what, just not going to read it? That’s what you think? LMAO that makes no sense you sound so dumb right now.

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theelazzyrreader · 4 years

Text

Hey...had an idea for maribat :

What if Bruce , Jason and Damian they all know marinette secretly like others don't know they know such person

All hiding her from their family

Bruce wants to adopt her but doesn't want a precious pure soul to be corrupted by his sons. Meets her after Jason dies. he talked to her and spent some time with the child , helps him divert his mind but then gets scared as to what if she also died here in Gotham. So he makes the child care services to shift her to another foster family but still exchanges letters and gifts often. Kind of like her second dad

Jason is actually her honourary brother who was saved by her when she lived in Gotham while he was starving to death. After he is resurrected he tries to find her ( hacks the files of the child services) he meets her tells her about everything and makes up for leaving her alone and keeps in touch with her . Is very protective of her as she is the one person who was with him everytime and he doesn't have any expectations to fulfill. He doesn't want her to meet his family cuz he doesn't want to share the one thing that he cherishes with others

Damian met her, more like stalked her when she came to China to visit her maman's side of family. He was still in the league. When they both bumped to each other in a playground she was not intimidated by him rather offered him some macarons. He was curious to know why she didn't run for the hills, started following her, he thought she didn't know and continued it for 3 more days. When they were in an empty alley she asked him when is he going to ask her to be his friend ....so things happen, they stay in touch. years after they develop feelings for each other. Damian doesn't want anyone to tease him for it and he doesn't want to lower his guard Infront of his brothers.

So things happen and when Mari's class comes to visit Gotham, they all decide to meet her at Wayne tower and not tell her and surprise her

Maybe the class is a bitch

They all are waiting for the class to come in and when they come , they are confused as to were marinette is

They all collectively : where is marinette ?

Look at each other in shock as to how the other knows her

Jason : how the fuck do you know about my sister Bruce, Damian ?!

Damian : I could ask the same todd! And sister ?!

Bruce : how do you both know mari ?

Jason : she is my fuckin sister!! That's how! HOW do you know HER ?!

Bruce : she is like a daughter to me and I may have future plans of adopting her.

Damian : ADOPTING?!!?! THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL YOU'RE DOING THAT FATHER!!

Bruce : ( raises an eyebrow) and why is that ?

Damian : cuz she's my girlfriend that's why! I can't have here as my girlfriend if you adopted her

Jason and Bruce : GIRLFRIEND ?!?!

Jason : what the fu-

*Mari comes in with dick *

Mari : hey! Bruce, Jason , Damian !! Wait .....what are you all doing here? You all know each other ?

Lila : oh look marinette has started her oh so innocent act to win over sympathy

Alya : I can't believe how down that girl can go! She comes in hand in hand with a man at least in his late 20s. She's such an attention whore

Alix : what a slut !

Kim: can't believe we ever considered that piece of trash as a friend ! Yuck !

Marinette : ( verge of crying ) i-i

Damian ,Jason and Bruce : ( in an eerily calm voice ) what did you all JUST say ?

Everyone looks in their direction and take a step back due to the glare they are sending them

Lila : we are just telling you that she is just a liar and manipulates people (fake tears insert) and -and s-she also b-bullies me a-a-and threatens me . S-she i-is j-just jealous that I know the waynes and d-datong the youngest. I-i don't know how t-to m-make her stop !! ( Cries in alya's shoulder)

Alya : ( goes marinette and almost hits her ) why you always d-

Damian : how dare you ?

Alya : excuse me

Damian : how DARE YOU.!! YOU IMBELICE ! HOW DARE YOU CAUSED DISTRESS TO MY ANGEL ?!

Bruce :( holding back Jason with the help of dick )

Ms bustier I would like it if you tooks ms cessaire and all the other students who dared to say anything wrong regarding MY sweet Mari

Lila : you know I know Bruce Wayne myself. I can get you fired !

Jason : why you little p-

Receptionist : mr. Wayne I am sorry for the trouble I will escort them all out sir

Bruce : I believe you were saying something ms. Rossi

Also, EXTRA 1 :

Bruce : let's go to the manor, shall we marinette ?

Marinette : uh-yeah .... Yeah ...... but....you all know each other ?

Everyone sheepishly : uh yeah

Marinette : .....okay ?

EXTRA 2:

Alfred : 'opens the front gate' welcome to the Wayne manor miss marinette. I am Alfred Pennyworth, the butler to the Wayne's

Marinette : ah, I have heard a lot about you from all of them Monsieur

Dick : wait...how did you not make the connection if they all talked about him ?

Everyone eyeing her with some curiosity

Marinette : well Bruce referred to him as Alfred and more like father, dami as Pennyworth and like a butler and jay as al and I quote ' a undercover magician who knows all ' so you know ....?

Dick : *sighs* let's talk about it more inside

EXTRA 3 :

Dick : How didn't you connect them with all being Wayne's

Marinette : I just got to know they are Wayne's

Tim : wait .....you didn't know that already and they are super close to you

Marinette : *eerily calm voice* Huh. Looks like a long talk is due

Those three : I can explain !!

Marinette : oh trust me you will

EXTRA 4:

Tim and marinette : gotta go !

Look at each other

Damian : where are you to headed ?

Marinette : oh you know I have an online friend with whom I play UMS3

Tim : *looking at her * .....me too

Marinette : coffee_my_blood ?

Tim : ....ineedcoffee24×7 ?

Marinette : *hugs him and he hits back*

Everyone :' eyes wide and jaws dropped '

Jason : h-how do you know HIM?!

Damian : what ?? Habibiti ? Tim ?

Bruce : so can I adopt her now ?

Jason, Tim and dick : ABSOLUTELY!!!!

Damian : NO! NOT AT ALL! SHE IS MY GIRLFRIEND !!!

Jason : pixie pop, if he breaks your heart or so much as even try to hurt you, tell me and I will kill him

Bruce : damian, I won't stop him

Marinette : *too flustered to respond*

#daminette #big brother Jason #mlb × dc #ml crossover #dc cross over

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minnesota-fats · 2 years

Note

Also its okay that the DP x JL x MLB isn't your cup of tea, so whenever I ask about what I'll call the Halfa-Siblings au ( heh ) it'll just be in the JL x DP world.

With that out of the way, I was reading reading family reunions but at the worst time au, and I wondered about how that must had went down in the Dark Dan timeline 😬.

Because despite being willing to kill his own family and friends again to ensure his existence, I'm sure when Dan found out that his bio dad was Bruce Wayne, he was stunned because to him, Jack is his dad, full stop. And Maddie isn't the type to cheat, how how did this happen?

Also, if he found out as a late teen, then he might jump to the wrong conclusions and because of bad experiences with Vlad, thinks that Bruce could have taken advantage of Maddie, since he is a powerful rich man and then gave his family hush money, and if they complained, who will believe them?

*The part that got Vlad's intelligence thought that maybe he could be a baby from an open relationship but that thought never took root because despite being evil, there are things not even Supervillians want to think about what goes on in their parents bedroom, thank you very much*

And the JL would have tried to stop Dan at one point since he's causing so much damage and getting more powerful, so a fight had to happen( and they probably either lost horribly or even died, ) Dan finds out about Bruce being Batman because that tech is expensive and he'll need money and connected the dots, and blows up at him, revealing that he is his long lost son that he never even cared about and how he treated his mother like a used toy.

If Dan did kill Bruce with the League, the Batfam, including Damian would tried to get revenge. Dan sees they he has a younger half-brother and goes ballistic and yeah I don't see that ending well for them either.

Maybe Damian did get away and he was leading some resistance out there, and he and Dan despite knowing their blood bond, hate each others guts.

What do you think went down during that Father-Son confrontation? And what did the Dark Dan timeline Bruce think about Dan, and then finding out that's his son?

—I made a short bit of how i would write that interaction cuz I couldn’t help myself cuz I LOVE angst at the best of times!—

Dan held the man by the throat and glared up at him, teeth bared, “what do you have to say for yourself?” Bruce—even while being held like this—looked down at Dan with sad eyes. He was confused and in pain and this young man who was going to kill him was another son he knew nothing about. “I asked you a question, old man!” Dan growled, tightening his grip ever so slightly.

Bruce gargled before finding his voice, “I’m. Sorry.” He says softly, “I didn’t know about you. If I did I would have done everything in my power to have met you…” Bruce’s vision began to blur, “I failed you, son….”

Dan stares up at Bruce, eyes wide and full of dangerous human emotions. But it didn’t last long, Dan throws Bruce onto the ground and puts his foot on his head. Dan looks up at Bruce’s family and smiles wickedly before putting pressure on the man’s skull and crushing it beneath his foot. The screams of anguish that came from his so-called siblings was music to his ears.

How dare they live here and be happy while I had to suffer, how dare they call him a monster when the world made him this way! Dan stalked forward like a wild animal walking up to its corner mes prey. “Now what to do with you brats?” He asked, looking at all of them bound by his ecto energy.

Unknown to Dan however, Jason managed to free himself and was working on freeing Damien. But in typically Damien fashion, the kid jumps up and tries to attack Dan. Dan sidesteps the kid and smirks when he hears the other bat kids gasp and shout for Damien to just run away. Dan picks the kid up by the scruff of his robin suit and growls when he can’t see the kid's eyes. He rips off the kids domino mask, expecting fear. But he froze when he saw looking up at him with big green emerald eyes so much hatred. even with tears falling like waterfalls Damien glared at him. Frozen in that moment, Dan could only look at this kid. So similar to him—his human half— lost so much in a single day and it was only going to get worse from here on out.

Jason took the opportunity to rush forward and deck Dan in the face, causing him to drop Damien. In one fluid motion Jason houists Damien onto his shoulder and runs out of there. The whole time Damien cursed and demanded to go back, calling Jason a coward and screaming at how he was going to kill Dan. Dan smiled and watched them go, Dan had made a decision and he was excited to see how this would play out. But for now he turned to look at the remainder of the bat clan and smiled a fanged grin before he began ripping into them like a wild animal.

—

This whole scenario gives me JLD: Apokolips War vibes! If you haven’t seen it I recommend it! Its about the JL fighting Darkside and losing and the whole movie takes place after a two year timeskip where Constantine and the remaining JL band together to fight Darkside.

But if you dont like gore dont watch it! Its SUPER dark and there are many on screen deaths, such as: Nightwing getting impaled protecting Damien, Koriand’r getting ripped in half and so on!

(It also has Dami throwing Dick into the Lazarus Pit and it not working like it did for Jason and Dick comes back wrong and insane!)

Anyway, moving on!

—

Damien resents Jason and will call him a coward for the rest of his life.

Jason couldn’t care less, he was just glad he was able to save one of his siblings.

Damien will try and run off on his own but Jason isn’t far behind.

After the fall of humanity they are left in the wreckage until they find Amity Park the last city still standing, protected by a tall shield that northern Jason or Damien could get through.(because of the Lazarus pit)

Valerie and Damien bond over losing people they care about (he doesn’t tell her that mother he nor his brother can’t go through the shield after she explained that Dan couldn’t get in because he was a ghost)

Damien and Jason decide that they will go around the world to see if they can find any survivors and bring them back to Amity Park.

Jason becomes a better big brother and takes care of Damien (similar to how Jazz took care of Danny)

They meet Vlad who almost has a heart attack cuz Damien and Danny look so similar.

Dan appears and asks how his toys are doing (because he is creepy like that!)

Damien tries to kill him again but is yeeted into a wall and Dan leaves cackling.

Vlad tells his story

Damien nearly beats the shit out of him before Jason can stop him

Vlad believes he deserves it and moves on

Vlad offers them some weapons that work against ghosts

They take them cuz yay weapons!

Vlad helps supe up their suits with ghost tech like Valerie’s suit and makes an ecto dampener so they can go into Amity through the portal.

—10 years later—

Amity Park falls and Damien, Valerie, and Jason are all that’s really left.

Past Danny comes to the future to stop Dan and he meets Damien (who almost kills him but is stopped by Valerie when she finds out phantom is danny)

Damien explains that they are half brothers which throws Danny for a loop.

Meets Vlad again who nearly cries when he sees Danny. (Danny clocks him in the face and Jason is like, “I like this kid”)

Damien and Danny bond over fighting ghosts. Damien actually starts to like Danny as a brother

Danny finds out that he is technically the older brother and is like “I’m an older brober!” And Damien tells him to shut up and Jason and Valerie laugh! Cuz holy shit Dami is a baby!!!

When Danny is about to go back in time and Damien pulls him aside and is like “it was nice knowing you kid! But if you fail I’m gonna go back in time myself and kick your ass!”

Danny hugs him and Jason, and promises that he wouldn’t.

Then some happy bittersweet sibling banter and Damien warning Danny that if he ever meets Damien like, “bother be warned, if you ever meet me in the past, he will most likely try and kill you.”

Danny laughs thinking it’s a joke and Jason is like, “no seriously! He was raised by assassins for the first 10 years of his life.”

And Danny gets sent back to the past with SO MANY QUESTIONS! Like what the hell

Danny will have a heart to heart with his mom, calming that he just had a feeling and she will then explain everything to him (including his parents open relationship)

And Danny wanting to meet Damien and Jason again goes to meet his bio dad because he wants to be a good big brother!

(This is just a random thought but what if future Damien and Jason are brought back in time too and are tasked by clockwork to look after Dan in the GZ as the more human than ghost protector’s, just a fun thought!)

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camsthisky · 7 years

Text

So @laquilasse and I figured out a way to solve at least a third of Gotham’s problems. Basically, the batfam uses social media. Specifically twitter.

For real, do you know how much time and effort this would save?? People could @ the bats on twitter and say “Help, I’m ____ and ____ is happening,” and it could save a lot of people because they wouldn’t all have to patrol and it could warn of specific things that they could help when there isn’t an Arkham escapee on the loose. Not to mention it could help legally, and give the police something to work with, too. Anyways, so here are some headcanons about the batfam using social media we came up with:

It’s Dick who gets a twitter for Nightwing first. He’s the one who starts it all

He goes to a superhero convention in Gotham and he takes selfies with all the Nightwing cosplayers.

Later, he posts some on his twitter and says something like, “had so much fun at the convention today!! Y’all were rocking the suits <3” and then everyone in the photo realizes they took a selfie with the actual Nightwing and not some dude with a really realistic costume.

Dick shows Jason all the people tweeting at him and explains how it keeps him busy when things aren’t happening out in the open. Jason is immediately on board. Steph is, too.

The three of them are pretty much the go to vigilante when it comes to social media.

Jason really likes it because it helps him save people in a pinch like domestic abuse.

Bruce refuses to get a Twitter for Batman

He suspects Damian has one, though.

There will be instances where Damian will suddenly be like, “We need to go now,” and Damian leads him to someone in danger. It’s super efficient. He still won’t get a twitter.

Bruce Wayne, however, definitely does have a Twitter, and all it’s used for is business and gushing about his kids because he’s an actual dad.

As soon as all his siblings get Twitters, Dick tweets out:

“good news, gothamites! I’ve convinced the rest of the fam!” and then @’s all of his siblings’ different twitters.

Twitter goes crazy.

And then people get to witness twitter banter between all of them during the daytime

Someone @’s Nightwing and asks “does batman have one?”

Dick tweets “nah, he’s too much of an old fart who won’t admit that social media frightens and confuses him”

For as tech savvy as Batman is, he can’t figure out how to tweet.

Dick tweeting: “Actual thing I just heard in the batcave: ‘what the hell is a retweet?’ [insert a bunch of cry-laughy faces here]”

He’s pretending, though, and Dick calls him out on it.

Dick: “You tweet as Bruce, though.”

Bruce: “That’s different.”

Dick: “HOW?”

Jason: “It’s cuz he can’t batspeak on twitter. There’s no word for *grunts*”

Tim, sleep deprived: “I’m sure if you try hard enough there is. And besides, it’s definitely more of a *does a different grunt*”

On top of being great for asking the vigilantes for help, people can tweet and let them know if they see the criminal they’re looking for

Not to mention the vigilantes can tweet out and warn people if something bad is going down and if they need to stay away from a certain area

“Joker gang headed through 9th and 17th, stay in your homes or duck into a nearby shop. PLEASE stay safe everyone, and if you’re not, please let us know.”

Dick also posts pictures of things happening in the Batcave just because.

Nightwing posts a picture of Red Robin asleep at the computer with 6 overturned cups of coffee and an open jar of pickles for some reason

Caption reads: “sometimes I worry about my little brothers…this is one of those times”

Jason: “the fuck is that kid doing with coffee and pickles??? Ew???”

Steph: “NOT USING A FORK TO GET THEM OUT, LIKE A FUCKING SAVAGE” because, you know, Steph would totally know.

In fact, she took a video of it earlier, and she really wishes that Tim had been wearing his cowl in the video so she could post it as evidence.

But fate smiled upon Timothy it seems

Except, karma comes back to bite Tim in the ass when he wakes up with marker all over his face, courtesy of Damian (he owed Steph a favor, but he definitely would have done it anyways).

Cass drew a pretty rainbow that she’s very proud of, though

Speaking of Cass, she’s the one who seems to be one of the most popular on twitter, even though she was one of the last to make an account as a vigilante

But yeah. Just. The batfam using social media. It’s a great idea, and I need it implemented. There may be more added to this post

#dick grayson #jason todd #bruce wayne #stephanie brown #damian wayne #tim drake #cassandra cain #dc #social media #camryn rambles #my post #headcanons

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juichi-bey · 7 years

Text

Blight with Bruce

*Hes still by his side, despite no longer being Robin, and helps him with anything and everything, although people don't consider him his sidekick. Plus he tries to not be seeing by other people around Batman cuz it gives him bad reputation *Bruce gets mad that Blight does certain stuff like act to fit the role people make him to be, when he agrees with people's insults or when he doesn't stand up for himself and takes credit for his good deeds *On easy nights Blight takes over to make Bruce rests more and does the patrolling alone. At first Bruce was against it and couldn't get a wink because he was too worried, but later on he uses this time instead to catch up on other stuff and get more rest later in the day, so he's thankful for that *Treats Bruce often after tough nights which Bruce happily agrees to. They eat em at different places with great views *Has a bunch of embarrassing moment and secrets that keeps a secret SPECIFICALLY from Bruce who happens to know about each and every one of them. *Likes sleeping in Bruce's room, even when he's not there to cuddle with *Blight often visits Bruce's parents grave to speak outloud to their graves and is something that Bruce appreciates. He also takes really good care of the photos at the mansion and often stares at them for hours *Bruce has a bad habit or routine that after each night when they get home tired he goes over everything Blight did wrong that night. During training. At 7 in the morning. Bruce you've been up all night you're both tired stop. *Bruce attends every performance that Blight invites him to. He usually misses the other ones but every so often he goes to one without an invitation. Blight also plays the piano for him when he's tired and stressed and it helps calm Bruce. *Blight constantly gets angry at Bruce for not being an Extra™ always on top of his son Dad™ when it comes to Damian. *Also keeps the fact that hes involved with Jason hidden. He's managed to somehow do that. *Bruce drags Blight against his will to many parties which Blight sucks at because he doesn't like crowds and has poor manners.

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iwritethat · 7 years

Text

Younger Batsis reader x Batfam: The Talk

A/N: Let’s say Bat-Sis is quite young and naïve in this part, I mean I didn’t learn about this until I was 9. Okay, I just thought this would be really funny to write so here goes.

Imagine asking your older brothers and Bruce what the birds and the bees mean.

Warnings: Mentions/descriptions of sexual intercourse.

>>>>——————–>

Yes, at some point in your life you had heard some innuendos, rumours of what birds and bees can apparently get up to and honestly this had your curiosity piqued. So who better to ask than your family right? Anyone. Literally anyone.

Well Bruce was hardly about so you went hunting the Manor for the next best person you could find. Your first destination was the library, it was the closest area and you wanted to avoid the Batcave for the moment - after all if the birds and bees were something bad you didn’t want to question your father about it and your brothers would save you from getting into trouble once they gave you the basics. Luckily for you Damian was in the library lounging on the couch reading a book, he’d probably know so you jumped on the couch next to him ready to ask.

“Yes (y/n)?” Damian started, not exactly sparing you a glance but acknowledged your presence none the less. “Do you know about the birds and the bees? You know, what they do and the talk?” You innocently began, hoping for some answers. “I don’t understand why they’d be associated with each other, birds and bees cannot interbreed (y/n). They’re different species.” Damian responded monotonously, still reading his book. “That’s what I said but I think there’s more to it Dami…” You commented, throwing you hands up in exasperation due to the lack of answers received from your brother. Though he had been in the League of Assassins for the majority of his life and you doubted they had many bees there, and the birds were probably used for target practice. “How so little sister?” Damian continued, now interested in your sudden intense ‘thinking face’. “It’s to do with ‘mating’ - I’ve gathered that much. I should ask the others. I’ll be back Dami, don’t worry.” You called, already getting off of the couch setting your new destination as the Batcave. “Enlighten me when you return. This is a strange custom I’m not familiar with.” Damian responded to which you nodded and ran out of the room.

Racing through the Manor you got to your fathers study and entered the Batcave from there, again it wasn’t deserted with Tim occupying the vicinity and your father just returning from patrol. “Daddy!” You yelled as you ran in and hugged him. “Hey, what are you doing running about the Manor?” He inquired, it was late after all. “Trying to get some answers.” You commented, whilst trudging over to the Bat Computer. “Then maybe I can help.” Batman suggested, removing his cowl expectantly. “What do the birds and the bees do?” You continued curiously, watching your fathers neutral expression falter for a moment and Tims light laughter in the background. “Uh - they refer to people, who like each other… and…” Bruce started, unsure of how to answer. This was not something he particularly wanted to discuss and had never had to tell a daughter considering most of his children already knew and if not he’d told the boys at young ages - never had he had to explain this to a young girl.

“It’s all to do with sex, that’s the appropriate terminology but ‘birds and the bees’ sounds nicer I suppose.” Bruce continued after you refused to accept his previous answer. “Okay then w-” You pushed further, wanting the full details of what this was but Bruce noticed and quickly interrupted. “Can’t answer right now, I have to go on patrol.” He instantly cut in pulling on his cowl. “Wait but you just got back!” You called out. “I know but my work is never done, you know that.” He explained, placing a kiss to your forehead and disappearing in the Batmobile. You stood with your arms folded staring at the exit to the Batcave when Tim joined you. “He’s not coming back anytime soon is he?” You asked the teen standing beside you, keeping your eyes focussed on the exit. “Nope.” Tim shook his, his features still holding an amused expression whilst you let out a long sigh and looked up to your older ‘brother’. “Tim what’s sex?”

Immediately the teen choked, and looked completely horrified. “(Y/n)! Why are asking me?!” “You saw what just happened! Who else am I supposed to go to? Besides, you promised as my brother that you will always be there to help me - I need your help.” You explain a matter of factly and Tim was clearly defeated. “Ah, okay (y/n)… um how to start it…” Tim hummed, taking a seat at the Bat Computer as you followed him. “Got it!” He stated, clicking his fingers. “It happens when two people love each other very much, and they have sex to make a baby and start a family.” Pleased with brief explanation that lacked any details concerning how sex worked. “So sex makes babies?” You confirmed. “Yes.” Tim nodded, hoping that was the end of everything and you were satisfied with his answer. “So I was made because my dad had sex with my mum.” You concluded, asserting your knowledge whilst Tim nodded again.

“Okay so how does the sex work? Does it just happen out of nowhere or is it like a ritual to get the baby? You’re being very vague Tim.” Was you only response to him, the inquiries still nagging at your mind. “Uh - I mean it’s - like a - it’s not a ritual.” Tim finally spat out after all the stuttering beforehand. You gestured for him to elaborate and he scratched the back of his head nervously. “It’s not a ritual because babies don’t exactly come out from thin air, they’re not delivered by storks either as much as Disney would have you believe. Not that Disney is a bad thing in any way but it isn’t accurate since princesses don’t exactly wear the big sparkly dresses - just look at Wonder Woman -” “Tim you realise your rambling about princesses… but since you’re not giving me an answer then I’ll look it up on the internet!” You cut in, pushing his chair out of the way whilst reaching for the keyboard. “NO!” Tim yelped jumping in front of you. “Timothy - move! Please.” You demanded but added a polite please on the end while attempting to move him over. “Trust me - you don’t want to that. The internet can be a dark place, especially for you.” Tim made clear and you were growing a little frustrated. “Fine! I’ll call Jason because he’ll tell me.” You muttered but apparently Tim wasn’t on board with that either. “Ah no - that’s probably a darker place to go! (Y/n) wait up!” But you’d already gone leaving Tim in the Batcave to get ready for patrol.

The first phone you found lead you to dial Jason’s number, if that of course was still his number or he’d got a new phone but whatever, you had to try because Jason was always straight with people. “What?” Jason’s frustrated voiced echoed through the phone but at least he’d picked up. “Jay! I need your help, please at the Manor.” You told him briskly, betting on the fact he was patrolling Gotham on his motorcycle anyway. “Ah hey (y/n), what’s up?” He questioned, tone softening once he realised it was his little sister. “It’s an emergency, well curiosity but I still need you to help me.” You continued, determination in your voice. “That’s great but I’m out on patrol, I have to save Gotham from itself remember.” He reminded you a matter of factly. “I’m willing to steal some money from my father and bribe Penguin to hold me hostage nicely until you come and save me. Then I get to ask you anyway but that would just be more effort for you, besides this way it’s easier for the both of us.” You threatened, half serious. “(Y/n) we both know that -” “Don’t test me Todd - I have Dad’s credit card right here and I know how to make bank withdrawals!” You exaggerated you tone, and you were quite pleased with how convincing it was. “Alright, alright fine. I guess I can make a brief detour.” Jason sighed, hanging up the phone. Obviously you both knew that you wouldn’t go through with the plan but you sounded serious and none of your brothers had any problems with helping you out.

Moments later Jason made his way into the kitchen, throwing you a pack of sweets in the meantime and placing his helmet on the table. “What’s the emergency?” Was the first thing he asked whilst leaning on the counter. “What’s sex, like how does it actually work?” You started, sitting at the table. “Oh god, alright. So traditionally it happens between a man and woman, but it can happen between the same sexes as well but we’ll stick to the basics yeah?” You nodded, and he took that as his opportunity to continue. “So you’re clear on what a penis and vagina are right?” Again you nodded, your expression more disgusted this time. “Well the penis goes into the vagina and bam that’s sex in one sentence.” Jason finished his brief definition but you were mortified and staring at him with horror. “Oh why! That’s so gross, ew Jason that’s horrible!” You managed, sticking your tongue out for emphasis. “Actually it’s not, people do it for pleasure. Cuz’ it feels good.” Jason continued.

“H-have you done it?” You questioned cautiously. “Yeah of course I have (y/n), and when you do 'it’ for the first time you lose your virginity. Which is a term for someone that hasn’t had sex before.” Jason answered honestly but became confused by your expression. “Ew that’s gross, don’t come near me ever again! - Wait, but you don’t have any children.” You over exaggeratedly stated, remembering the previous information you gathered. “Nah, people mostly have sex since it feels nice, not to have children.” He answered, his tone slightly unsure. “But Tim said people only have sex if they love each other and want babies.” You commented, then realisation your older brother who brought a his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “Shit. They’ve been saying it’s all about love. Damn it, I bet they started with the whole 'when two people love each other very much’ deal. Shit!” You slowly nodded whilst Jason went on a cursing spree.

“(Y/NNNNN)!!!” You heard from down the hallway but didn’t even get a chance to check since the person sprinted into the kitchen in a matter of seconds putting both hands on your ears. You remained seated but tilted your head upwards to find the eldest, Dick Grayson above you. He smiled placing a quick kiss to your nose causing you to scrunch it up and turn your attention away from him, instantly prying his hands away from your ears. “What was that for?” You asked him. “Trying to save your innocence, Tim called saying how you were going to Jason about the birds and the bees so I had to save you.” Dick answered sending a smile over to Jason who rolled his eyes. “Too late for that, I already told her.” Jason smirked, though thinking on it he could have been more delicate.

“How far did you go?” Dick started quizzically, directing his attention to his younger brother. “Eh, we got to genitals and pleasure, nothing about tips and techniques. Don’t worry.” Jason replied, tone filled with amusement. “Ugh, alright just don’t take into account everything Jason said.” Dick began, taking a seat opposite you at the table. “Sex can be known as many things, sexual intercourse, making love etc. But it should be done with someone you love and trust. Not with just a random person like Jason has implied.” Dick continued. “Pfft, like you can talk.” You heard your brother mutter, receiving a glare from Dick and he watched Jason leave the room before continuing. “Especially not your first time, you definitely need to do that with someone you trust.” “That I agree with!” Jason shouted just as he left the kitchen. “When you lose your virginity right?” You inquired, Grayson nodded before continuing with his explanation.

“So babies emerge from a woman’s vagina after 9 months of pregnancy, so they get pregnant by having sex. Uh, this is where it gets… gross as you’d say. Hmmm, the male parts goes into the female part, because believe it or not women have 3 holes down there, so the male would uh - thrust into the female and when they’re both happy they release… ummmm. Well I mean the male releases sperm which swim around to find the egg to begin making a baby. The egg is in the woman by the way. Men have sperm, women have eggs. But people can wear protection to stop a baby being made so it’s a way of showing love for their partner instead.” Dick concluded his mini lecture leaving you once again, slightly terrified.

Then Jason returned with Tim behind him and regretfully you could tell that wasn’t the end of it. “So what have you done that as well?” You questioned Dick, sliding your hands away from your face where you’d placed them mid way through your eldest brothers answer. “Duh. This is me (y/n), it’s all in my name.” He grinned, trying to cheer you up a little. “Then you can stay away from me as well. Because ew.” You cried exasperatedly. “Aw don’t be like that, you’re still my little sister and I’m still going to hug you - like it or not.” Dick reminded you, amusement in his tone. “So does everyone have to do it?” You asked, considering the majority of older people you knew had been down that road. Almost immediately you received simultaneous variations of 'no’ from your brothers. “Definitely not, it’s your choice whether you do it or not, your future partner should respect that. Some people are even asexual and choose not to have sex at all.“ Tim chimed in, ruffling your hair. “And if they’re laying too much pressure on you I’ll ’talk’ some sense into them.” Jason followed on. “Thanks guys but still… you’re all kinda gross for the time being.” You commented. “Wait wait, has Tim even done it?” Jason questioned to no one in particular whilst looking at his replacement. “Oh yeah, have you?” Dick asked, staring at his younger brother who was scowling.

You didn’t want to know and you’d already lost two of your brothers to 'cooties’ so there was no way you wanted Tim to answer this - fortunately Damian chose the perfect opportunity to walk into the kitchen. “Did you find out what the birds and bees do (y/n)?” He calmly inquired. “No Damian! Don’t ask, don’t do it please it’s horrific. I don’t want you tainted too!” You yelped hopping off of the chair and embracing him in a hug. “What did you do to my sister?!” He yelled at the remaining 3 in the kitchen as your arms clutched his waist. “She’s our sister too.” Tim stated, glaring at Damian. “Shut it Drake, not by blood she isn’t!” Damian growled still awaiting an answer. Dick sighed before providing him with one. “We gave her the sex talk, you know - the birds and the bees.” “So this 'birds and the bees’ is another expression for sexual intercourse.” Damian confirmed, Dick giving him a nod.

“Okay so how does it all happen?” You continued your interrogation, wanting to know more about the subject so you didn’t embarrass your self in the future. “When you want it to happen and you feel ready.” Tim stated, Jason tutted and again came forward with a more realistic answer. “When the two people get turned on, it usually escalates from there.” Dick shook his head at Jason’s answer because why would you say that? “You just kind of know if you’re ready and want it to happen, it’s kind hard to give exact details. But please wear protection okay, I cannot stress that enough.” Dick suggested, his answer probably the most acceptable. “Drug them.” Damian monotonously commented. Everyone diverted their gaze toward him with a look of shock before reassuring you with yells of 'NO!’ ’(Y/n), trust us here, don’t ever do that!’ “That’s what my mother did. But we both know Talia doesn’t set the best example. Don’t do that.” Damian elaborated, pleased with his sense of humour - what did his family take him for?

“What is going on here Master Dick?” Alfred asked strolling into the kitchen with his usual calm and polite tone. Your brothers remained quiet so you decided to speak for them before Jason opened his mouth. “The demon spawn tried to make a joke and practically gave our sister advice for a prison sentence.” Jason’s comment earned a smirk from Damian before it fell eerily silent once again. “They were helping me learn about sex.” You brightly spoke, innocence ringing through it all, despite what you had previously heard. “What? You poor thing, come Mistress (y/n) we need to have a proper talk about this - your brothers aren’t the best examples when it come to this subject.” Alfred began, worry evident in tone. “I will speak with you all later.” Alfred sternly informed your older brothers before escorting you out. Despite all being trained by the Batman it was safe to say that they all shit themselves because Alfred was the most terrifying thing in this Manor and there was no way they were sticking around to face whatever punishment he had in store.

You on the other hand were taken by Alfred to give you the proper talk along with diagrams. You were starting to like you brothers’ explanation better because some cartoon diagrams/videos you may have needed to see but you definitely never wanted to.

#batfam #younger batsis #batsis #bruce wayne #batman #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin #damian wayne #robin #alfred pennyworth #dc #dc imagine #batfam imagine

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sleeping-lilies · 3 years

Text

Title: I Get Tim a Cat Because It’s What He Deserves (oh and i guess a group chat 🙄)

a batfam/wayne family groupchat would literally never happen in canon but it would be so fucking funny you all don’t even know, so i will do it anyways.

the chat just kinda... starts. no one know where it came from. who added them. who??? none of their emotionally stunted asses would be caught dead making making a family chat tf? why can’t any of them leave? they smash their phones and then on their laptop a notification pops up like “you’ve joined ‘x’ group” and they’re stuck there. might as well use it ig, but for what???

“everyone who is alive type ‘i’” no one responds so bruce spends hours trying to find out where their bodies are until he finds out everyone just had the chat on mute

“why isn’t alfred on here” “huh. alfred isn’t on here and no one knows who made the chat?” “so whoever made it just left immediately?” “...” “lol anyways”

tim was trying to send a snap to the core four gc but accidentally sent it to the family chat and gets super embarrassed (of course this happens when everyone’s online why wouldn’t they if it makes tim’s life more difficult) and everyone makes fun of him. duke printed out copies and plastered them all over tim’s apartment while tim was out for something and tim nearly murders duke. after that no one puts the chat on mute because this was too funny.

no one actually, like, texts on a regular basis because they’re not like other families 🙄 they only text if it’s really important or someone’s dying.

that’s being said, “dick where is dog” “send doggy” “dog?” “send doggy” “dick when did you get a dog?” “SEND DOGGY” “i demand you send the dog this instant” “dog now.”

damian breaks into dick’s apartment to take a selfie with him and haley (or bitewing, haley is just shorter to type) captioned “she is mine this is a warning to all of you. i will not hesitate if any of you low lives come near her.” and dick is like “??? this is my dog i can’t have anything these days, siblings take everything, man—” oh ya, everyone reacts to the haley photo with a heart. also dick only lets this shit slide with damian, if jason the problem child pulled this shit it would be on sight lmfaooo

- tim: the dog is cute but, but in photography i learned you have to crop out everything unimportant, like this *crops out damian from the photo*

- in other news, tim joined the dead bats club and now only bruce and duke are left 😃🔪

bruce: check in if you are alive. *everyone’s status is online*

u don’t know about y’all, but my bruce wayne is a responsible father who keeps an eye on his kids, or at least does his best, “has anyone seen duke? he has school and i can’t find him” “i will find him... if you give me $50.” “i will give you the money jason just tell me where he is” jason sends a photo of himself and duke laying down on the floor eating pop tarts.

-“literally why do you all keep coming into my apartment” “our apartment, dick” “i pay for this apartment it’s mine, i keep living in blüdhaven for a reason, god, siblings always steal everything that’s your’s—” it’s ok guys dick simultaneously has eldest daughter’s syndrome and absent sibling syndrome, who is doing it like him? legend behavior. anyways, duke and jason left crumbs on the floor and dick beat them up lmao.

“can i have money” “dad” (theyre sent by same person just different text) “yes cass i will sent you as much as you need, $2,000 is enough for shipping with friends?” “dad can i have money too” “dad can i too” “may i have some too dad” “dad” “dad” fhdjdjsks they only call him dad when they’re dying, want something, or are tattling on each other, someone save him 😩

“@everyone the interviewer in the last segment asked me if we have a family chat and i have a feeling they will try to pry into my texts to see what we are texting, please actually send something so they don’t get even more nosy from our lack of communicating” *someone sends the bee movie script*

ok but like, as time goes on they get more comfy texting each other and acting like a normal(ish) family unit that texts a little more. like tattling.

“someone broke the vase in the hallway and if they don’t want me to tell pennyworth who did it they will buy alfred the cat a new scratching post by nightfall” damian is so funny i love him

“HELPPVHRNXKAK” “what’s up with jason?” “cass is sitting on him” “lol” “i think she’s gonna break his arm fhdjdksk” “ANDBSJ I HAT E YO U A LL” “when did you all come to the manor???”

“😂” bruce vs “lol” dick and cass vs “agdhsjak” tim and duke vs “hA” jason vs “i don’t find any of you funny” damian

“damian i am putting your lemon cake pop thingies in the last bottom shelf on the right, i put the code and everything in the safe” “how often does damian even come to your apartment, dick?” “whenever you’re being an asshole bruce” “he’s always an asshole dickhead 🙄” “exactly 🥰”

“dad guess what” “TIM NOOO” “remember when” “TIM TIM TIM” “you told duke to take the day shift” “I WILL NEVER POST YOUR SNAP PHOTOS TO A GROUPCHAT WITH THE ENTIRE SUPERHERO COMMUNITY AGAIN!!!” “and he agreed to if he did his school work first?” “MERCY, MERCY” “what did he do, tim” “fjdjxkskkz duke goes on school zoom meetings during patrol and pretends he doesn’t have a mic and camera and i was watching his helmet footage and it was so funny, the teachers just believe him when he pretends to have really bad network and can barely type in the chat” “my teachers never trusted me that much” “that’s because you made a kid cry once jason stfu” “wait how did u know that cass—“

“AHDBSNZKAJHF” “stfu duke” “what’s wrong with him where is he?” “cain came to visit” “ohhhh” “FHDJFJDJ HELLPPPXSND” “i know you’re taking a video, you little shit, send it” “no todd come here and take one yourself—or don’t, your presence is unwanted” “fucking brat”

“DAD DICK HIT ME” “DAD JASON’S LYING” *bruce wayne online* (he doesn’t fucking respond fhsjskla) (is it because he’s exasperated with them or crying because they called him dad even though it’s a manipulation tactic or both we’ll never know)

“everyone who is alive, type in chat” *everyone is online* then bruce edits the message to say ��everyone who wants alfred’s cinnamon rolls, type in chat’ “i guess NO ONE wants alfred’s cinnamon rolls, how sad” and the entire chat goes wild lmfao

ok uhhh let’s do on a scale of 1-10 texts most vs is online the most

bruce: 6-texting, 5.9-online because he always makes an effort to text his kids to check up on them and when his kids are texting he will text as well here and there in the convo to interact with them because he never sees and interacts with them normally and he wants to do better 🥲. he get’s minus 0.1 because of that one time jason and dick were fighting and he logged off agdhsjnz

dick: 3-texting, 3.5-online because he’s the only one in this hellhole of a family that has an actual job (in this house we uphold gymnastics teacher grayson 🙏) and sometimes he won’t have energy to text. so. but he does make an effort when he can. he’s online more than he texts because he’s able to sneak looks at the fights when he has downtime during his job and wants to see the drama lmfaooo. also everything goes on in his fucking apartment for some reason, so now he gotta break up a (one sided) fight between cass and tim because someone has to be a responsible adult.

cass: 2-texting, 10-online because she watches more than she texts? she’s more content to watch what’s going on than to join in. also 8/10 she’s usually the one causing the drama that everyone’s texting about, like beating up the others, so she can’t text while beating them up. i mean she could, but she wants to put more energy in beating them up (lovingly) (cass is basically violence (loving)) and watching what everyone’s saying about her fights. she’s always online to catch a glimpse at the drama. also most of her texts are to dick to see bitewing. and ask for money.

jason: texting-8, online-4 because if cass is the one causing drama offline, jason’s causing drama online. jason wants to be chat cryptic but texts the most lmfaoooo. he’s antagonizing his siblings whenever he sees them and whenever he can’t, king shit. he’s online less because he deadass doesn’t care that much, he’ll read the texts later if he really wants to, otherwise either duke or tim will fill him in on the drama. (“jason ur in the chat too—“ “shut up, tim, now tell me how cass beat damian’s ass)

tim: texting-6.44444, online-10, see tim texts a lot just not to the family group chat lmfao, he has REAL FRIENDS 😤 uhh ya, that’s why he’s online all the time, cuz he’s either texting his friends or on his phone doing some shit. broke: tim stays up late working on cases, woke: tim stays up late texting his friends and playing video games over chat. tim just. interacts with his family, gets bullied by them, ya. that’s the life. also he and duke keep throwing hands because it’s the family curse to beat up tim and in this essay i will discuss how dick is the superior sibling because he never tried to kill tim—wait he probably pushed him down the stairs once nvm but it was totally justified, king

duke: texting-4, online-4 because he has, like, school. and daytime patrol. and is like a junior in high school and therefore has a fuck ton of homework. my boy has no time for family and he doesn’t want it because they’re annoying, obviously 🙄. if he wants drama he’ll go into damian’s room and get the drama. diy icon. he’s online as much as he texts but is so fast of a reader he’ll know the drama in time for the next episode of wayne family shit. most of his time online is picking fights with tim and roasting his siblings to a crisp. he’s so mean, guys, legend has it that one time duke told jason that his helmet looked like a shriveled up dildo and that it could never be the gay statement he wanted it to be jason went offline for that entire day in order to cry himself to sleep. at least he got sleep (allegedly) ayyy duke the problem solver.

damian: texting-1.5, online 2 because the only time he’s texting is to ask dick for photos of bitewing and to send photos of his pets back as proper payment. a negotiator ugghhh father like son. damian honestly doesn’t care about the drama he just wants to sketch bitewing (using the photos dick sent as reference) into the Family Portrait Sketch™️ of the rest of the Animal Family™️. it is an honor for damian to create such a piece, picasso the women hater quakes in his grave as such art that blows his dog shit “art” FAR out of the water is developing. anyways, he goes online for that and to throw random barbs at his siblings. like no one is online and damian just throws a “drake is stupid” in chat and just dips. he’s online more to text the other teen titans and jon because they’re better than his dumbass family (and he texts grayson on messenger so fhdjdjsks) true chat cryptic, jason envies him

alfred: 0-texting, 10-online. huh who said that

“duke take down the tik toks, tim is crying”

“who has my sweatshirt??? i will kill you all” “i have it jason” “nvm cass that’s your sweatshirt now i’m sorry for being presumptuous don’t aTTACK ME” fhdjdjsks

“guys i have the day off do you want to hear when delilah said to jonathon it’s so funny” “are those the kids in your gymnastics class?” “ya” “tell us everything”

the bats just... love hearing drama about those kids because they’re so dramatic. apparently alex threw a rubber ball at maya and she tackled them. wild.

time for a round of: WHO SAID IT?!?!

“how do i make my text bold like the rest of you?” —bruce, dick, cass, and jason at some point.

“how do i change my screen name? please change it back to before” -cass when tim changed her name to “hal jordon #1 stan” (“what is a stan” —bruce), (“i don’t like it either change it back” —bruce after finding out what a stan is)

“what the fuck is a pog” —jason

“fucking ‘tik tok’. we used to use vine when i was a teen. i was a front line soldier of great disasters” —dick on one hand lmfao dick is so old but on the other hand holy shit you used vine??? tell us more about the battles fought

“what is a dilf?” —bruce after scrolling through twitter

ok that’s all, my brain is gone.

“cass dick is turning purple get off him” “no. make him give me my scarf back.” “oh dad that’s terrible can you send a video as evidence?”

“GUYS I FOUND A CAT AND IT SCRATCHED ME AND IM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL BUT GUYS!!! CAT!!!” “drake send a photo of the cat immediately” lmfao bruce zooms to the hospital after that text

“GUYS THE CAT HAS AN OWNER I CANT KEEP THE CAT 🥲” “the one time you could prove to be of use and you fail, drake.” “wow tim, find a cat to steal without an owner next time” “timmy, timmy, timmy, i can’t believe you’ve messed up in finding a cat again” “again?” “again?” “again?” “when i adopt a cat i’m not showing any of you, i hate you all” (lmao hard version of guess who is who i’ll give you a hint dick cass and bruce are the confused ones. )ok it’s not hard anymore.

“dad please get me a cat 😳🐱 haha jk 🤣😩 unless 👀😏😃🙏🥰” anyways tim named the cat starry because of her fur-hair-thingy

“they just so you all know steph just crashed in my apartment and i have work in the morning” “i will pick her up in the morning” “you mean tim will, you don’t have a license, cass. anyways”

“dick do you need help moving?” “no, bruce, i think i can handle it, donna and wally are helping me anyways, but thank you” “mOVING???” “OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT???” “DICK THAT SAME APARTMENT ON 666 HELLHOLE AVENUE???” “...ya?” “NOOOOO” anyways they all break into dick’s new apartment when he moves in, walk around it, and then leave. they just... ya... damn, these bats...

anyways that’s all. see ya.

#dbsjxjjs the batkids just have an attachment to dick’s apartment #the batkids: sir thats my emotional support apartment you can’t just move #fuck you all damian is very well versed in internet culture he just chooses to not use it #dick was around in the time of VINE. YALL.#the fact that dick is the only one with like a normal job fjsjsks #he’s the only one that does his taxes too besides bruce #bruce trying his best and that’s all i will accept. i love him.#jason: wannabe cryptic vs damian: cryptic king.#cass just. beats up her brothers because she can. she deserves it too.#tim deserves nice things so i gave him a cat.#duke is so funny i love him.#he’s like “time to fuck up tim’s life again heheheh”#duke is literally 16? a teen? he’s mean by default thats it #dc comics #batfam #bruce wayne #dick grayson #cassandra cain #jason todd #tim drake #duke thomas #damian wayne #featuring those damn gymnastics kids 😩#mine

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