#covid grief

[poetryorchard]

good timezone, sprites! @nashira here and being a lil candid with the confessionals cam. i wanted to share a little bit about what went into deciding to do this workshop in the theme that i did, because i could have definitely went with purely ACNH route that would just be celebrating the game and not touching on the pandemic at all.

however, being that animal crossing is strongly linked to the onset of the pandemic (to me and i'm sure you and many others)...there's no way i can talk about ACNH without talking about the fear, the isolation, the heartbreak that i experienced in march 2020.

and i have yet to unpack those really difficult and heavy feelings, but in spirit of moving forward and growing as a person, it's time for me to consider all that i/we collectively went through, put our grief away in a box, tie it with a bow and rest it in a safe place.

to this day, 2020 still has me in knots. I can't keep living like this, I need to work through these feelings so that I can really experience 2023, still masked but with a full heart. there's no way we can continue fighting the ongoing pandemic otherwise!

if you want a safe space to write about these feelings, please join us on sunday for this workshop.

sign up here! tickets are sliding scale £0 - £15

#animal crossing #animal crossing new horizons #pandemic #pandemic grief #covid grief #recovery #recovery art #recovery poetry #writeblr #poetry #workshop #writing workshop #poetry workshop #creative writing workshop #creative writing #acnh #wlwocpoetrynet #wwnet #wearywritersnet #mental health recovery #recovery reminders #grief recovery #on grief #on recovery #web weaving #<- just to be clear; i know this post isn't itself web weaving but im trying to reach that community! #i think many people use web weaving to work through grief and those are folks i would so love to share space with in this workshop

[v-as-in-victor]

Across the street

she's got rheumatoid arthritis

they've lived here all their life

they'll move south soon

the winter freezes her joints.

The contractor who built our deck

has fibromyalgia like I do

he works with his hands and his body

loves it, doesn't know what he'll do

when he has to stop

he's in pain, sure, but what is he going to do,

not make things?

Sometimes I'm on the bus

and there are two or three of us wearing masks

everyone else has given up or doesn't know

or doesn't care.

Thirty years of living in a body that wishes it had never caught mono.

I wish they understood what was coming for them.

#poetry #covid #covid grief

[uncanny-tranny]

Your life isn't a to-do list. You're allowed to exist, to take life as slow as you'd like. The dreams you have won't suddenly disappear. It's okay to stop and smell the roses, or to engage with "childish" things, or to recover, or do what you need to.

#positivity #encouraging words #life doesn't need to be a speedrun or a 100% run #sometimes it feels like i'm wasting my life but... who gets to tell me what is wasteful? i'm surviving out here and that's okay #and it's okay if you're also somebody who people think is 'wasting your life' #that's such a meaningless and frankly a very cruel thing to say to a person #because you'll see people call somebody's life wasteful because they're simply coping with disability/mental illness/grief/ect #it's a meaningless saying to tell somebody how YOU think they're wasting life. your life isn't a waste point-blank #we ought to be kinder to ourselves for choosing what we want/need out of our lives rather than placating to what is imposed on us... #...or the expectations we impose on ourselves #be kinder to yourself whenever you can. it's hard as hell but please choose kindness toward yourself #just something i thought about and felt like it was impirtant to me #i couldn't complete high school 'on time' because of covid and because i was in crisis. i felt so much shame about that. i felt stupid... #...i felt unworthy. but who decided that i am those things? the crisis i was in could have killed me. i couldn't deal with school then... #...it humbled me because i had to learn that i am not immune to needing to be kind to myself. i am human - i'm not a mindless drone... #...you aren't a mindless drone either. you are an individual. you deserve to feel safe. you deserve understanding and compassion... #...but not ONLY from others. you deserve it from yourself as well

[april-is]

April 5, 2024: May 5, 2020, John Okrent

May 5, 2020 John Okrent

It is beautiful to be glad to see a person every time you see them, as I was to see Juan, the maintenance man, with whom it was always the same brotherly greeting—each of us thumping a fist over his heart and grinning, as though we shared a joke, or bread. I barely knew him. Evenings in clinic, me finishing my work, him beginning his— fluorescence softening in the early dark. He wasn't even fifty, had four grandchildren, fixed what was broken, cleaned for us, caught the virus, and died on his couch last weekend. And what right have I to write this poem, who will not see him in his uniform of ashes, only remember him, in his Seahawks cap, and far from sick, locking up after me, turning up his music.

--

More like this:

Say Thank You Say I’m Sorry, Jericho Brown

When people say, “we have made it through worse before”, Clint Smith

Today in:

2023: Homeric Hymn, A.E. Stallings 2022: The Mower, Philip Larkin 2021: When people say, “we have made it through worse before”, Clint Smith 2020: Untitled, James Baldwin 2019: To Yahweh, Tina Kelley 2018: from how many of us have them?, Danez Smith 2017: Sad Dictionary, Richard Siken 2016: Lucia, Ravi Shankar 2015: Overjoyed, Ada Limón 2014: Helen of Troy Does Countertop Dancing, Margaret Atwood 2013: Anniversary, Cecilia Woloch 2012: Poem for Jack Spicer, Matthew Zapruder 2011: Now comes the long blue cold, Mary Oliver 2010: Jackie Robinson, Lucille Clifton 2009: In the Nursing Home, Jane Kenyon 2008: To the Couple Lingering on the Doorstep, Deborah Landau 2007: White Apples, Donald Hall 2006: Late Confession, Gary Soto 2005: Steps, Frank O’Hara

#covid #death #grief #john okrent #poetry

[akindplace]

Anyway, yesterday, after a sleepless night, I had this healing conversation with my mom about what it means to be a woman, how society raises girls, how to avoid perfectionism - in her words "it doesn't have to be perfect, it has to be done in a good enough way so you won't have to do it again". We talked about abusive relationships, about kids growing up during covid, and came to the conclusion that society as a whole is grieving so much these days: for losing people, for losing jobs, for losing money, for losing their health, for losing relationships, for losing their dreams. We fell silent after that last part, since we both are grieving too and that felt so heavy for us. We can spare some kindness to people because al of us are suffering, struggling, grieving. No one alone can fix the world, but the least we can do is be kind and help each other a little. We thanked each other for opening up and talking, something we both struggle to do with each other. I healed a little with this conversation, not gonna lie.

#about me #relationships #opening up #on being a woman #Covid mention #on grief #on loss #abuse mention #healing #being vulnerable #on perfectionism

[returntothewilderness]

we’ve been witnessing mass death for a long time. it accelerated globally in 2020. even after we surpassed over a million deaths, even after mass shooting after mass shooting, even after a formula shortage, even after heavy inflation during another surge of covid in an increasingly hot climate, we’re expected to carry on the next day. we’re expected to wake up & go to school and work as if whole worlds hadn’t just been taken away. we’re expected to perform our tasks the same, if not more efficiently.

the reason we can carry on as laborers is because we are collectively experiencing a shocking state of numbness. it’s not that we don’t feel deeply for each event, it’s that our grief physically can’t keep up with everything there is to mourn. we need to stop, we need to sit down and mourn for a long, long time. this is a world built on us working through the unimaginable until we die. it’s a world built on robbing us of time to do anything, but especially mourn. it’s a deep physical and emotional need that is not being met. let yourself be mad, be despondent, be sad, be deep in grief. companies don’t like people who are outwardly grieving, and that is what we must do collectively. every time we lose someone to a mass shooting everyone who can should call in saying they cant work because they lost someone. because we all did, we lost humans to another senseless act of cruel violence. and the world should stop, just like the people who lost their family member’s worlds stopped.

i hope you take time to sit and remember the tragic things that have happened the past couple of years. that you give yourself the love and respect to acknowledge how hard it is to exist in a world that robs us of everything, including your right to being a human in grief.

there’s no peace to be found in any of this and there never should be.

#mourning #grief tag #general strike #community care #buffalo #uvalde #sandy hook #covid deaths #tw death

[thedevilsfamiliar]

Literally have beef with an aunt I’ve never met

She was the wife of my moms brother— one of her 51 siblings she kept in contact with (Marcos y Carlos died years ago and Rebecca doesn’t contact us anymore since grandpa died)

He died during Covid because of her. The animosity I hold for this woman— the way I hate her.

My uncle was immunosuppressed. He was never meant to go outside during PEAK covid. She began bitching and whining about her cigarettes, how she ran out and didn’t want to leave the house to get them, so he should go get them—

This lead to him going out despite my mom telling him not to, that it wasn’t worth it, and he, being a good husband, went to get her fucking cigarettes.

He died a week later. He could not get enough oxygen into his lungs, his symptoms came rapidly— and the bitch of a woman ended up being symptomatic.

My mom cried, was in hysterics, because we couldn’t go to his funeral.

If I see Linda, it’s on sight.

#the way he spiraled almost immediately #it was absolutely terrifying to hear my mom rant one day and the next scream from grief #death mention #loss #grief #covid

[thewildchild13915]

Sibling grief is weird.

With sibling grief you're grieving more than just the loss of your sibling.

You're grieving the life you had before you lost your sibling.

You're grieving the loss of who your parents were before your sibling died

You're grieving the loss of the future you'd prepared for

You're grieving the loss of the family unit as you'd known it

You're grieving the loss of who you were before they died

You're grieving the loss of your best friend

Before my brother died, I had plans for how the future would be. Family holidays with our kids, major life events being celebrated together, family vacations, so many memories to be made.

All of those were lost when he died. An entire future full of plans just.... Gone.

Finished.

Now I'm only left with the haunting visions of watching him go, with the sounds of our parents sobbing and begging for this to not be happening, with hearing the love of his life begging for more time and promising to make the rest of his life everything we'd always dreamed for him, with remembering both the feeling of his warm hands AND the feeling of his lifeless, cold hands.

Before my brother died, our parents were mostly happy.

Parents change after the loss of a child, regardless of the age of said child. That change can go 1 of 2 ways and it is usually to the extreme of whichever way they go.

Way 1: they're going to be extremely clingy with their remaining child(ren). They will want them close.

Or

Way 2: they're going to become extremely distant with their remaining child (ren).

My mom quietly went with way 1. She tries to not show it, but I know it. She still has her moments where she's distant, but she won't even entrain the idea of us being far away from her. She wants all of us near her.

My dad went with way 2. I've always felt like my dad absolutely hated me. There was no proud father moment when I got married, no "you look beautiful" comments, or any heart touching moments really. It's always been he was there, but quietly wondering how quickly he could leave. Sure there were moments when he really came through and made me feel like he cared. I can't say there weren't ANY.

But after losing my brother, I feel like I completely lost my dad. He barely acknowledges I'm there, he flat out ignores me when I say "I love you", but he will say it to everyone around me, he doesn't even try to hide the fact that he does NOT want to be wherever I am. In my heart I feel that he believes the wrong child died and that it should've been me. I have never felt like more of a burden than I do now.

Before my brother died, my mom always told us "nurture your relationship with each other because when your dad and I are gone, you're only going to have each other". That was the future I'd prepared for. Now, when my parents are gone I will be alone. I'll have no one to grieve that loss with. Our future was supposed to be long and fruitful, with so many memories to be made... I was not prepared for the future I'm going to have.

Before my brother died, we were a family of 4. He was my big brother. Sure our family expanded as we got older. We had significant others and kids, but our family unit was 4. Now, it's only 3.

I'm no longer the little sister.

I'm the surviving sister.

Before my brother died, I was happy. Sure I dealt with some mental health issues, but he always helped to keep my grounded. He was who I called when I felt like I was losing my grip. He was my rock. He was my best friend. He always made sure I was ok, that his nieces and nephews were ok, that everyone had what they needed. He was my go-to person for everything.

I used to get so irritated because he'd always call me when bad weather was moving in. He'd give me all these instructions on things I needed to do to be prepared, he'd make sure I was making sure the kids had everything they needed.. it could be so exhausting sometimes.

God how I miss those phone calls.

Now that he's gone I find myself riddled with anxiety and anger. I have no idea who I am anymore because I do not feel like me anymore. I feel like a part of me went with him. The strong part went with him.

Now that he's gone I feel so alone, even with the rest of my family right beside me.

I try to grieve quietly. I try to do it alone as much as possible so that it doesn't make those around me sad.

Sibling grief is weird..

It's lonely

Unless you are the surviving sibling, you could never understand.

#coping with grief #dealing with grief #grief #griefandloss #grieving #it's okay to grieve #sibling loss #siblings #brother #covid 19 #grief journal #grief/mourning #stages of grief #i am alone #sibling death tw #big brother #surviving

[whywishesarehorses]

My partner got Covid and then our cat died and now I’ve got Covid. Worst week.

#grief has hit me like a bus which makes the Covid feel mild in comparison

[hussyknee]

Why is my stupid idiot brain sunk to the very bottom of the sea bed like whale fall. I'm on extra strength medication, I'm staying off social media, I'm surrounded by kittens. And yet. My anxiety has turned into full blown agoraphobia and I'm so depressed that getting out of bed is a feat I only achieve because my cats need feeding.

It's been almost seventeen years of being bipolar but I still can't internalise that mood disorders are actual illnesses that disable and debilitate as much as any physical disease. Clearly the only thing wrong with me is that I'm not trying hard enough to crawl out of this. If I really wanted to get better I'd fight through my anxiety and back pain and sensory hell and do stuff like go to therapy, eat healthy, exercise and get a job.

To make matters worse, my brain keeps hollering that I'm 37 this year and no closer to joining the rest of the job-having, rent-paying, independent adult world. The fact that I've been in a consistently worsening mental health crisis since 2020 to the point that I was in greater danger than I've ever been of committing suicide the first six months of last year is clearly irrelevant. Somehow.

Tbh, if it wasn't for my rescue kittens, I'd be regretting that I didn't just go through with it. Not enough to go through with it now, but regretting it all the same. But I do have my kitties so I can't regret it. Instead, I'm just resigning myself to the fact that having something to live for, even when I don't want to, is the best I'll ever get.

#time is a terrible thing when your life stalled at age 20 #or rather it feels that way #because Ive never been able to build on anything I ever did afterwards #went abroad for college and flunked out #got married and got divorced #found friends and lost them all #tried community college and had to drop out again #got a part-time job‚ left and then only had the health and opportunity for one freelance job #between moving out‚ covid lockdowns‚ divorce going south and national economic crisis #my last good year was 2018 #and i wasn't even diagnosed or treated yet back then #losing my #entire adult life to disability is a grief i don't know how to process #personal #tw suicide mention #knee of huss #life update

[blindedbythedarkness]

I turn 25 tomorrow. I wonder how many more birthdays until life feels survivable again. Will I even make it until that time? Or will Covid kill me first? Will /I/ kill me first if this pain and harm doesn't stop? If I do live, will I be too old to have a family by the time they're safe to exist?

My third pandemic birthday. I've lost all of my early 20s. They're not lost from wearing a mask, avoiding crowds or being safe. They're lost from being forced to grow up too damn fast. From being forced to choose between my health and my social life. From being excluded and ostracised from society and the communities where I thought I'd finally found a home. From having my basic humans rights- my rights to participate in society, to life, to safety, to healthcare- systematically stripped from me piece by piece whilst being told its not happening at all.

I'm slowly making peace with getting older. As much as I grieve the years I've lost, I'm equally grateful I've survived another one. It's a privilege to get older and I'm more grateful of that than ever. But the pain I'm enduring every single day from the hidden pandemic and gaslighting from everyone I ever trusted makes it hard to appreciate.

#birthday #25 #grief #grieving #mourning #depressed #depression #mental health #mental illness #suicide #suicidal thoughts #pandemic #covid19 #covid #wear a mask #covid isnt over #depressed thoughts #aging #chronic illness #trauma #emotional pain #loss #lgbtq #lgbt community

[mywitness]

started 2023 with covid, and ended it mourning my best friend as he wasted away through the last 2 weeks of it. I accomplished so much and made others proud, but it was by all means a "shit year".

Others were there to guide and comfort me - the times ahead are uncertain, but their presence and love is not. I started 2024 in their virtual arms. May I be better for it

#bio.txt #physically perhaps the most unwell ive ever been. thanks covid. but still kicking #my baby was too young to go and these days the grief just turns into anger #you will see. you will see #my fucked up way of saying maybe things will be ok.

[monarch-moon]

I’m really starting to feel your newfound absence now.

#pet death #dog #pet loss #grief #art #my art #stars #I'm sorry Aiko #I wanted to see you one more time before you departed #but thanks to covid that never got to happen #I'm so gutted over this #goodbye my borky gorl

[girlpocalypse]

Masking is the new queer flagging.

Pass it on.

My mask protects you. Your mask protects me. It says, “We’re already missing half a damn generation of us.” It is what harm reduction looks like.

Your mask tells me that we already share values. It says, “I want you to be safe. You belong here.” It shows that you consider the way your actions impact others.

Your mask is a middle finger to the medical industrial complex. It says, “A condom or an N95 can’t keep me from loving you.” It is solidarity with vulnerable bodies.

Your mask tells me you are critical of the system. It says, “I will not serve your agenda at the expense of lives.” It is a rejection of mass disablement and white supremacist eugenics.

Your mask tells me how you show up for others. It says, “I am in community with you.” It is radical care shown to strangers.

My mask protects you. Your mask protects me. It says, “Your norms do not serve us.” Our masks are queer as fuck.

#queer #covid #still coviding #covid isn't over #grief #queerness #lgtqia #queer flag #queer coding

[iamthemaestro]

everyone's got that one playlist from several years ago that they can't listen to because despite being connected with some of the best memories they've ever made it makes them violently ache for times past that they will never get back. or is it just me

#heard american pie again today and it Hurts #idk how to explain it i literally feel sick #it's a kind of grief i think #those were good times. pre covid times that were stolen from me #i wish i could reminisce but sometimes all i can think about is how much i miss them. i was so happy #mine

[miodiodavinci]

good news: we have water again ! ! ! a pipe had burst somewhere up the street so the city came out and fixed it today (we still need to run the tap to get rid of the air and muddy water but. it's something.)

bad news: i had to go to my partner's to do laundry and shower so i missed out on work time today (bad) (anxiety inducing) (i don't need this right now)

worst news: i have a killer headache and my throat is suspiciously stiff 👁 👁

#please please please for the love of god ; ; ; #i am begging and pleading do Not let this be a repeat of last semester ; ; ; ; #this is exactly how i felt last time i got sick with covid and i Cannot afford another late start ; ; ; ; #i am. suddenly stuck by The Unwelcome Guest last week cryptically asking me when you're supposed to test for covid #and then saying 'hmm. okay. good to know.' and then refusing to elaborate #i swear. to god if she got me sick i'm #i. can't even say. i'm suddenly struck by such helpless grief thinking about how little i can do to keep her from being in my life ; ; ; ; #we literally Evicted her she all but threatened my older sibling into letting her visit weekly to take care of her potted plants #and then in october last year she was like 'my roommate has covid and i don't have money for a hotel i have nowhere to go :'(' #so the agreement was she could stay for One Week #and basically she has been. on and off our couch since then. #like. only going back to her apartment for 1 to 3 days at a time before spending another two weeks in our house. #with new excuses every time. #and literally Every Time I Say No And Put My Foot Down older sibling begs on her behalf because she's busy hounding and guilt-tripping them #so like. what can i even do if it turns out she infected me with covid because she didn't care to disclose that she was feeling sick #(and decided to come over anyway) #i'm just. overwhelmed ; ; ; #i feel like crying ; ; ; #i'm already busy pre-mourning the loss of my mental health and down time with my internship starting back next week #i don't need to worry about whether or not i'm going to be bed ridden for 2 weeks #and suffer Even More lasting lung and brain and blood and fatigue issues on top of that ; ; ; ; #a a a a a i just. feel like crying a lot ; ; ; ; #i'm already behind ; ; ; #i should ; ; ; try to work more tonight before the inevitability of it all hits me tomorrow ; ; ; ; ;