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#cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even
softshuji · 4 months
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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.
#i was thinking abt it earlier#but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why#actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me#earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject#too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i#was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often#especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d#everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just#cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even#consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural#but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other#peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something#something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they#move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less#sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can#always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response#and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone#it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything#not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i#feel like im not actually being heard or listened to#and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore#god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it#for everyone else all the time#is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say#this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice#god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover#and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel#like they actually like me
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A Poet Could Not But Be Gay — part 2
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Part 1
Pairing: college!au Ellie Williams x f!reader
summary: You and Ellie text after you like her post and see each other in class again. You talk to each other, slowly growing closer.
word count: 2.1k
warnings: mutual pining, reader has no rizz, anxiety, English class
a/n: M (minors and men) DNI, please! Y'all I can't believe you guys gave me 34 notes on my first-ever fic!!! I'm literally on top of the world and it really motivated me to write another chapter so here it is!! 😁
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Ellie Williams: Hey stalker (;
You were frozen. Your breath had caught in your throat and you felt your entire body burning up as though you'd throw up at any second. Your phone screen had gone black by then and you only had time to blink before another notification came in.
Ellie Williams added you as a friend.
Finally, you were able to breathe. What the fuck is happening!? you thought. She has to be playing some kind of prank on me 'cause no one should be this cool about a random girl like a — how old was it? 5-week-old picture!
You decided that the best thing to do was to respond. She already knew you were online and you would only look more guilty if you ignored her. Ellie had caught you red-handed, sure, but she didn't need to know why you were looking her up. You started typing, probably taking way longer than you should to write a simple text.
you: hey! sorry i was just struggling with the homework and youre the only person i knew from that class so i looked you up
you: how are you handling the last minute assignment she sent us?
Really? A double text seconds after I was caught stalking her? I'm fucking dead. Every second that passed by felt like an hour. You were biting your nails, staring at the screen impatiently. She hadn't even seen it yet and you felt like she was judging you through the phone. After one minute, she opened the chat and started typing. Looking at those three taunting dots, you couldn't help but imagine all the texts she could be writing. Nightmarish thoughts were flying through your brain when her text finally appeared.
Ellie Williams: Oh fuck I hadn't even seen that email! What kind of psychopath of a teacher sends an assignment at 6pm?
You let out a relieved sigh, thankful she hadn't asked any questions regarding your lie. Your shaking thumbs started typing but you received another text.
Ellie Williams: And who even has a favourite poem to write 500 words about
Ellie Williams: Well you definitely do
You had to read that twice. She remembers about my poem. Your small smile grew into a grin, and the little exhale from your nose grew into a fit of giggles. You rolled onto your back before remembering you had to answer her.
you: im glad i was able to tell you about the assignment! and yeah i have a favourite poem and i absolutely LOVE telling people about it but i know how scatterbrained i can be so idk if ill be able to make sense
The two of you texted back and forth for a few minutes but your shyness held you back and your conversation eventually dwindled. After several minutes of radio silence on both ends, your phone vibrated again.
Ellie Williams: Well I'm gonna start writing that paper but I'll see you on Wednesday!
you: good luck with that!
you: cant wait to see you again :)
You held your breath, frightened by your boldness.
Ellie Williams: Don't miss me too much (;
You honestly thought you could have died at that moment. And there was that winking face again. You couldn't believe your clumsy mistake had led you to have an actual conversation! Outside of school! Sure it was mainly about your shared class but now it felt more personal. She wasn't just "Ellie, the hot girl from my poetry class" anymore. She was Ellie Williams, the charming girl you'd met in class and befriended and fell in love with and moved in with and married and — ok now. I shouldn't get ahead of myself. I don't even know her favourite colour yet. I don't even know if she likes girls, let alone me!
You decided that the best thing for you to do now was to focus on your assignment. It wouldn't take very long but at least it would keep your mind occupied for a little while.
Though the poem was about the beauty of nature and all it has to offer, you couldn't help but relate every verse to Ellie.
"they / Out-did the sparkling waves in glee" Ellie outdoes everyone and everything. There was not a single thing you could think of that you would rather look at than Ellie. There was no sound you'd rather hear than her laugh and no word you'd rather read than hers. I'm so fucking gay, it's ridiculous, you thought.
Some verses you felt rather poetic about, while others felt like they were describing the slight gay panic you'd had upon first seeing her, "I gazed — and gazed — but little thought". That's exactly how you'd felt. You'd stared at her sheer beauty and focused on nothing but her. The only thing you could remember from your time staring at her was the warmth that had formed in your belly and the tingling in your face.
You had known this girl for barely 8 hours and you could already see her in everything. Fuck, this is gonna hurt.
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Tuesday was somewhat uneventful. You'd been awoken by your alarm once again and had rolled over to check your phone. You were barely awake when you saw that Ellie had changed your name on messenger to "y/n🌸". Has she been thinking about me? you thought with a grin plastered to your face. Before you had time to overthink, you quickly changed her name to "Ellie 😉".
Neither of you texted the other again until Wednesday. It was a cool and cloudy day meaning everything had grey undertones and you refused to let yourself darken because of some stupid clouds. That's why you chose to wear your long sleeve, bright yellow shirt underneath short, green overalls.
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The sky might be grey and sad but I'm looking like a ray of fucking sunshine! you told yourself in the mirror. The colour you wore made you feel invincible, as though you could conquer the world and make it bright again.
Eventually, after an interminable lecture, you were sat at your seat in your and Ellie's shared class, awaiting the girl herself. To busy yourself, you started taking out your books and laptop, putting your pens neatly out onto your side of the desk. While you were distracted, Ellie walked into the class.
Ellie's thoughts
Ellie's mind was racing, trying to figure out what to say to you when she saw you. She knew she would say hi; that was a given. But what then? She didn't want to just be an acquaintance to you. She wanted to be on your mind as much as you were on hers, which was constantly. Dreams of you consumed her nights which she loved until she woke up and realized you had barely talked to each other.
When she walked into the classroom, she nearly froze in the doorframe. Of course, she thought, on a gross day like this, she has to look like a ray of fucking sunshine. It was as though you were trying to make her fall head over heels for you.
When she started walking normally again, your head popped up and a genuine smile graced your lips. Ellie felt like the Earth had stopped spinning and smiled back with false confidence. She sat down next to you and told you her scripted, "Hi," in her usual, honeyed voice, adding an improvised, "how you doing?", proud she hadn't stumbled over her words.
"Hi," you answered, voice quieter than hers, "I'm doing pretty good. I actually finished the assignment on time, so the semester's off to a good start!" you said with a laugh.
Ellie laughed back, happy you had initiated a topic so she would get to keep talking with you. "Wow! Three whole days in and no late assignments yet! I'm extremely impressed." she replied, the glee evident in her tone.
You giggled and said, "You should be!"
There was a beat of silence and she was scared you had run your conversation to its course before it had even started. Then you surprised her by asking, "How have you been?"
She looked up at you, taking a few seconds to admire every line and curve in your face. "Oh, you know," she said, "I've been busier now that school started up again but I've been good." She paused for a second and continued, "I haven't been too busy to figure it out though."
A smile crept onto your face and she thanked her lucky stars that she'd kept talking. "Figure what out?" you asked.
With slightly shaking hands she hoped you wouldn't notice, she reached out to your arm and pushed up the sleeve of your shirt to reveal the tattoo you'd shown her. "This," she said looking back up, her eyes boring into yours, "It's Wordsworth right?" You nod and she goes on, "That's a sick name for a poet. I read the poem and I have to say, you've got some good taste, pretty girl." The name just slipped out of her mouth. Her eyes widened and she noticed your smile falter. She pulled away from your arm.
She cleared her throat, trying to regain her composure but you spoke before she could, "I feel like with a name like that, he couldn't really go into any other profession, you know." you laughed dryly, clearly trying to ease the tension.
She laughed the same dry laugh and let out a quiet, "Yeah, he had to go into writing."
Luckily, your awkward moment only lasted a short time and Ellie was saved from any further embarrassment as your professor began her lecture.
About 30 minutes into the lecture, Ellie was flipping the pages of her textbook like crazy, trying to find the poem the class was discussing. She figured you had noticed her struggling because you tapped her on the arm and whispered the page number. She thanked you and started flipping to that page. In doing so, however, a page managed to slice through her skin, causing her to flinch and immediately suck on her cut.
She was cursing the paper when you tapped her arm again. She turned to you, finger still between her lips. You gave her a small smile and lifted something in your hand, "Do you need a bandaid?" you whispered. How could she say no when you were looking at her like that, big doe eyes full of concern.
She took her finger out of her mouth and agreed with a low, "Sure". Before she could do anything else, you grabbed her hand and wrapped the bandaid around her injured finger. Ellie could only stare at you, marveling at the care you gave to such a minor cut. "Thanks, y/n" she whispered. She thought she may have caught a glimpse of a blush on your cheeks but you had turned your head too quickly for her to tell for sure.
When she picked up her pen, she got her first good look at what you'd wrapped around her finger and laughed to herself. Of fucking course this personified beam of sunlight would carry around flower bandaids. I'm never taking this off. she thought as she admired her finger.
Back to your thoughts
You were looking up front but your mind was nowhere near whatever subject the professor was talking about. I touched Ellie! you though. Not the other way around! I touched her arm and then her hand! I'm gonna pass out. You were ecstatic, to say the least. You couldn't wait to call Taylor and tell her everything that happened during this second class with Ellie.
Soon enough, the class ended and you started packing your books. You got up, still giddy from excitement, and got ready to say goodbye to Ellie. She stood up after a few moments and spoke first, "So I was thinking," she said, her usual confidence seemingly vanished, "if you wanted to study or do assignments for this class, I'm free in the afternoon on Thursdays. We could meet in the library if you want. Or not even necessarily for this class, like, we could study for any class together if that was something you were interested in."
You gave her a quick open-mouthed smile. "Yeah!" you beamed, "Yeah that definitely sounds good. I know a secret spot in the library nobody ever goes to so we won't even need to worry about other people."
"Sounds great. I'll see you tomorrow then."
You both hesitated a little before moving to leave the classroom, and then again in the hallway, not sure of where the other was going. Seemingly amused by this, judging by the smirk on her face, Ellie put her hand on the small of your back, guided you in the direction you'd been headed in, and walked backward in the opposite direction.
"Bye, pretty girl!"
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Part 3
a/n: I got a little carried away in this one... Did you see how much touching there was! Whoo, that was borderline smut! But I told you there would be more talking! Also, I am obsessed with Romantic poetry, specifically William Wordsworth so sorry if there was too much of him in this chapter but I really love his work! You guys should all read "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud". It's a really short poem that may or may not have made me shed a tear. Anyway, leave any ideas you have for this story in the comments! I can't wait to see what you think!!
ps: lemme know if you wanna get tagged in the next one!
tags: @lonelyfooryouonly
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patheticcpeach · 2 years
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Dear Mom and Dad
Do I dare even call you guys that? I'm your daughter, the youngest out of 4. I am 23, 5'5, and my favorite color is bright green and blue at the moment. I currently working my ass off, I have my own car, 3 credit cards, and even a pretty good credit score. I graduated college but haven't worked in the field yet. I'm certainly not financially smart, no thanks to you. I live in a reality where money truly doesn't mean anything. yea sure I need it to buy things that I want and need but I'll never die for money. I'll never die for a lot of things that aren't myself. I'm actually pretty selfish when it comes down to it. I know my demands and I try to get them for myself as much as I can. Thanks for teaching me that.
Earlier today, I had the dream again. Where I invite you to dinner and a fancy restaurant, that's probably in a really nice hotel. One can only dream of getting reservations there, but I know a guy. I'm wearing a red dress and I look amazing. I invite you to sit and have a chat with me. We obviously haven't spoken in a while so we need to catch up. I start with small talk because of course you aren't going to start it. "do you guys know who I am?" I ask. you stare at me blankly. "our daughter?" is what I imagine you'd say. I'd laugh out of pity. I'm in total disgusted that you still consider me a daughter vs a stranger. which is what we really are. you don't know me. not one single ounce. I'm not here to blame you and point fingers, I guess I'm truly trying to understand when did you stop loving me. you say you love me and what the best for me. Not once have you tried to reach out. I'm upset that you don't see why I am upset.
It hits me. when I used to cry when I was younger, you would tell me to stop crying. never ask why or comfort me. crying in your eyes is weak. I was ashamed of crying for YEARS. I think I still am to this day. why did you never comfort me, reassure me that everything was going to be okay? never told me to love myself and my body before loving another person. never told me not to let others have sex with me even when I didn't want to. never told me that it is okay to have bad days. never told me how easy it is to fall in love and rely on the kindness of others though they can hurt you. never told me not to give up. at a young age, I understood that it's better to hide your emotions instead of expressing them because no one wants to see a sad person. In reality, you're the saddest people I've ever met. It pains me to see how you struggled for years and have kept it in. you're not in love with yourself or others. stuck in your ways. never moving forward. maybe it's because you grew up in a different world. why did you have me? you had me physically never mentally or emotionally I think. It seems like we were never meant to be together.
we both cant change that. were bounded. I struggled so much internally growing up and it's really amazing how it's affecting me now as an adult. I have so much trauma. I blame you for letting those people hurt me. why did you let them do that to me? do you not love me so much? why did you always invalidate my feelings? why did your laws make me financially guilty at 9 years old?
Mom, why did you keep those bad men around? knowing they were hurting your kids. I know you knew. you were jealous of it. I felt it. you got rid of one of your daughters for him. I can't even fathom her pain. She's fucked up. why did you convince me that I didn't need my dad, except when it came down for back to school stuff? did you think that I wouldn't feel it? did you ever consider my feelings? do you love me? do you blame me for something? I am sorry you thought these decisions were the right choices at the time. Sorry if you felt like you have no other option. That is the constant feeling I get from you. Like it's my fault or any of your kids' fault for your actions. have you ever been happy? have you ever been in love? do you love yourself? This is truly why I stopped talking to you. It's not a good feeling when you're constantly in the middle of problems and seem to blame me. Make me feel guilty for things I simply can't control. Not talking to you makes me happy. I feel a weight off my shoulders. However, On days like today, I can't stop thinking about you and everything you are to me. where we do stand?
Dad. Honestly. you're a small-minded man. stuck inside because you're afraid of what others think of you. which is hilarious because you make a fool out of yourself all the time. I get that from you. Aren't you happy to see that in all of your kids? Were you ever proud of me? I feel like we missed out on each other when I was younger. I gave a year of time, to living in your house. It was fucking hell. I hated it. I was so sad and depressed, did you even care? do you consider any other person's feelings besides your own? I saw what type of person you are in a way I didn't know. You're so hurt under it. You flip a switch when people visit you. You rely on the kindness of strangers too. Doesn't matter who they are. Why don't you listen to me? Is it because I'm a woman? Why are you so quick to invalidate my feelings? a whole fucking year with you and still don't care. why don't you care about me? you don't fight for me. Your daughter was harassed and you closed the door in our faces. How was I supposed to be there?
If I never talk to you again, I hope you're happy. Generally happy. I picture this life where you have beautiful lives and lived greatly. hands out the window vibing. Listening to your favorite songs. dancing carelessly. You're loved by somebody. Your hopes and dreams are vailed and matter. I hope someone has said that to you. I just can't look at you. Too much personally hurt and I'm trying to figure it out. Yes, you're my parents but we are not friends. You've created a mess of children and you don't know how to start. Is that what scares you? about admitting your wrongs. It's hard to do so, when you're so ignorant and care what other have to say about you. I am beautiful and smart. I had to parent myself and it's been hard but I am managing better than anyone can ever. Thanks to jay also. She deserves so much more.
nearly had a panic attack trying to think and rationalize this dream. when I'm done talking, there's silence. You can't even believe what I have said. Then leave again to not hear your thoughts. It seems like we're never meant for each other. maybe in another life.
ashley.
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piecesofmicorazon · 4 months
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god, why is it that everytime im here i have too much to say. i've been avoiding this as usual, even though i'm supposed to be on this self help journey. i'm supposed to be investing in myself, i'm supposed to be finding myself again.
but what does that even mean honestly?
here's what's been going on since me and bj broke up, twice. i feel like the first breakup was real but we fell back into it. we went to her soccer holiday party and then she spent the night. i love spending time with bj, i love how i can show this side of myself that i have never revealed to even myself. she has become the safest space for me. so yeah, it does break my heart that i'm not attracted to her anymore.
i want to force it, i wish i grew up different, i wish all the circumstances were different. something my therapist was saying that we are conditioned to see things a certain way sometimes. that real love is only between a boy and girl, that it's important what people think of us, you know. all of that.
i wonder if this world was different and same-sex relationships were a normal thing... would i think this way?
but unfortunately, it's not. this is how the world works and that's not how i was conditioned.
it just makes me wonder so many things.. have i been brainwashed this whole time? does any of this actually matter?
anyways, the second break up was really hard. bj didnt talk to me for a few days, i was just blowing up her phone on my own honestly lol. but finally! she came over to drop off my jacket, and it felt like everything was okay again. but i dont want her to get false hope, i dont want to keep having sleepovers that will not lead us getting back together, i dont want to keep breaking her heart. but i cant let her go, it's the most selfish thing i've ever done but i will never let her go.
in the meantime, i'm working at the coffee shop and i met a boy. like wtf right? and we all know how i get when i meet someone new. i already start to have expectations..
anyways we were supposed to hang out, and thank god we didn't because thank god i had my implant appointment. but then he came to my party on saturday and fuck he's cute and even more fuck he smelled so good, and i thought fuck, i could marry him. like what the fuck is actually wrong with me?
i was trying to avoid him the whole night but knew i would need to eventually see him and then it just all happened at once and next thing i knew.. his hand was on my waist and we were dancing and i was getting coochie butterflies. i wanted to kiss him so bad, i wanted to do the most reckless thing so bad. but then the instant guilt starts to seep in. how dare i? is this what i meant by "i have to find myself?" god, i wonder if bj knew... how much that would've hurt her. i'm such a horrible person.. am i really going to move on this quick? is this moving on? i started to self sabotage.. i started going back to that place i was at 3 years ago when i hooked up with those boys and felt like i gave myself away..
i really don't want to fall back into that cycle, i really can't. i can't do that to my precious bee.. right?
but yesterday ryan said some really lovely things to me and i was extra thankful that we were friends. he said, "all this over a DANCE?" and in that moment i felt like i stepped out of myself to see it from a bigger picture standpoint, and i thought. wtf? he's right!
i'm not trying to be reckless. but at the end of the day, i can't try to plan out my growth. perhaps a couple mistakes along the way is going to help shape my growth.. who knows. what i know is -- i can't jump into a relationship, i don't owe anyone anything and this is all on my terms. there is nothing to overthink, i don't need to be concerned if he's messaging me, paying attention, because i made a commitment to myself and bj that i would do this self journey for a reason. to be less selfish, to be more kind and hold more grace. so as i start this therapy journey especially, i'm going to learn about me again. unpack trauma and emotions. it's going to be amazing.
so cheers to whatever that looks like. my journey is my own and i don't want it to be influenced by anyone, even bee. that will be hard but perhaps that's what i'll have to work on letting go. even with a little bit of time i am learning that life does go on, time does heal, and i don't have to be bound to any expectations.
now. i'm still trying to figure out what i want to do with this man. go on dates? kiss? hook up? date? god, who knows. it may not even go anywhere. honestly that's probably is what will happen. i already find some things weird about it. i don't want to just be excited just because it's the only person that's in front of me.
still, that's life.
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raspberryspace · 9 months
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I hope you can accept who I am. I forever will always accept you as you are.
I’m tired of trying to string together some semblance of my current emotions only to be met with nothing. I’m tired of fighting myself. I’m tired of crying in my car. I can only claw at the hope that you never felt like I intentionally did this. I only ever wanted to reciprocate the feelings I had so deep within from one soul to another. You opened and grew my world as I know it. you irreplaceably shaped the goals and values I carry on today. I wanted and will always want to repay that. To reciprocate that pure partnership. Yet I own up and know just how fucking bad my naivety and unawareness was. I never wanted that. I only ever wanted the connection. I was so lonely and latched on to anything. I’m so sorry it had to be you. Im so sorry. I just want that love back it was never out of obligation. Ever. I was going through so much. I have cried over it too much to not second guess and fight this hard for it. I want it back so fucking badly. And I know it’s not the memories pushing this, it’s what created them. I know so many external factors plagued you. I know you made that decision. I just want to make sure it was truly the right one. But that’s just what I want. If I’m selfish then so be it but I want that back for the both of us. That feeling of finding that perfect puzzle piece that fits. My gut wrenches away at me daily- desperately trying to get me to not let go. To not give up. I want to work on this. I, I, I. I, am so fucking stupid. You’ve shown me through actions that you don’t want to talk. I can’t change any of that. I can only type these vague posts into the ether praying that you read them. I’m tired. I never wanted to do you wrong. I can’t ever ask for your forgiveness. I just want to ask if we can try to heal this. My chest aches for you too. I miss you profoundly. You paint the stars overhead every night. I just want to support you and serve you water when you’re thirsty late at night. I want to drive you around while you knit. Wah. I need to be present and in the moment for myself. I need to pour myself a glass of water. I’m grateful to have myself to do that. I’m glad I hold onto the values I have. It’s okay to give too much.
I can’t justify anything I just wish you would hear me.
There isn’t anything in this life worth fighting more over than this. I can’t shake this feeling that’s so rooted within me. I cant let this fall to the wayside.
It wasn’t your fault, I know why you had to do it. Can we start again?
God it feels like it just happened two days ago
Hate being bombarded with all these narratives on how to act or what to do, every single relationship is such a unique set of circumstances. Not everything is just block and ghost. No wonder people find it so difficult these days. No one fights for perfection, you adopt each others flaws and perfect them.
The people that you’re meant to have in your life won’t need persuading or convincing.
I’m ignorant to the fact that if you wanted to text me you would. But I want to text
You because I miss you. But you don’t. You don’t miss me. You don’t express that at least.
Music that makes you dance a little bit in your seat on a long drive is something to smile at.
My heart will always skip a beat for you, missing you next to us as we grow and discover this world. You’ll always be in my heart. At every corner of the globe. I won’t sit back and wait- there are places I want to see before I die. It hurts me like no other that I have to go without you, but rest assured I’m taking pictures for you. Taking pictures of you there. Taking pictures.
I wish I could go back and do so many things over again. I wish I wish I wish I wish.
What made you believe it wasn’t truly genuine, it wasn’t truly from the depths of my heart. What made it selfish to me? I think that’s what hurts the most. That and we were just starting. We just closed the distance and we’re going to begin the greatest journey of our life. Together. Just gone. Gone with no hesitation. A pro and con list. That also will forever stay with me.
Who knew spoiling myself with trips and cool clothes would make me sort of happy. Not a fulfilling as treating someone else, I don’t think my personality allows that to ever be the case unfortunately. I do love women’s wear so much though, I want to dress someone up.
I became secure and confident within our space, left to expose the insecurities and issues. Now I feel so lost.
You’ve always had to be patient when dealing with my emotions - I hope you’ve noticed my change in dealing with them. I’m a bit faster now, I’m standing up for the little guy in me more that’s for sure. I wish I could tell you all that I’ve been reflecting on. I know you probably don’t want to hear it.
I hope you’ll remember me on a sad day when you really need it. I hate that you’re alone. I hate that you’re feeling so lonely. I wished you a community I wish that you had that group there for you. I tried to hard to make sure I never got in the way of you making and finding that group, I was so sad the night you went out on Halloween. You never invited me you never asked. I had to close down the part that wanted to ask you to consider me. Jealousy and my own value came up and overwhelmed me. I just wanted you to be happy with your friends. I tried to front it out. I know that was a mistake on my end - I should have expressed what I was feeling. But I tired to show it when I dropped it all to be there for the pick up. I tried to show it with how accommodating I was. I hate that I did that to myself. I’m sorry.
Went hiking, wish you were here. I fell while walking barefoot in a stream before the waterfall, bruised my hip - reminds me of falling off my skateboard again. Kinda made me smile again. Only 11 miles, small change compared to the walking done in Japan… I’m jumping and ready to keep doing more but my friends are tired kinda sucks.
I miss you. I wish I could hold you.
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zombabiee · 1 year
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elizabeth
Met her on the train shes works in journalism photography and graphic designing. She was telling me about focusing on your career and putting yourself first and to not let any distractions get in your way. To not let anybody tell me i cant do anything and to know its hard but thats why you have to push urself everyday. She was telling me about the time when she had an English instructor that instructor had wrote on her paper go back to your country. She had no idea what to do in that situation but she just wanted to forget that dumb moment n she told her advisor about it n she was able to get the help she needed. She feels so grateful for her advisor n thinks very highly of her saying that she was sent from god. She had guided Elizabeth through everything and Elizabeth kept pushing herself to be somebody. She was telling me about her background and how she grew up in an abusive home. How her dad had told her she wasn’t going to be anything just like him n she just said u arent anything but i still can be.
I have so much respect for her n I honestly think that conversation was a sign from the universe telling me that i have to get back on track in my life and cant keep getting away with secrets because it will have consequences. The “fun” that im having is irresponsible n slightly dangerous. I cant just hope that my stupid dumb smile will convince me that everything is fine when im putting myself into those situations willingly. She was my sign.
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fweasleyswhore · 3 years
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If you are taking requests for the kinkmas list, can I pretty please get, dry humping & humiliation kink for george 🥺 thank you! If not it’s completely fine, no worries!
Kinkmas Day 1:
Humiliation and Dry Humping
George Weasley - Get Off
a/n: I have already told you but this is so hot and it was really fun to write, thank you for this request <3 I know its a few days late but ofc right after I got excited for kinkmas I got my period and its hard to write when I cant stop crying and hurt hella bad lmao - all good now tho
pairing: george weasley x gender neutral reader (mentions reader wearing a skirt, no pronouns)
word count: 1.4k 
warnings: smut, humiliation/degradation, dry humping, p short my b
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Fuck. It had been all day. An entire day of purposeful brushes, small touches, dirty words, and then, nothing. Strutting through the halls of the castle I couldn’t deny the burn that spread through my entire body. All-day, all damn day, George had been teasing me. And now I could not find him. 
The only thing stopping me from heading to my dorm and fixing the problem myself were his words. 
“Hold out for me sweetheart, tonight I want to show you the stars.” The words echoed through my head again making a shiver run down my spine. The words he whispered to me during herbology followed by a light smack on my ass fueled the fire I now felt all over. I had scoured the entire castle after dinner, starting in his dorm and then everywhere else. I even checked the library but to no avail. I decided I would try the last few places before I completely gave up. It was by no doubt after curfew by now, and I didn’t mind disobeying George if I literally couldn’t find him. 
Trudging up the stairs to the astronomy tower I played with the hem of my skirt. If I focus hard enough I could almost feel George’s hands raking up my thighs, a feeling that I craved so badly right now. 
Making it to the top of the tower I gingerly pushed open the door, a soft plush mattress sat on the floor, covered with an immense amount of blankets and the soft glow from a few floating candles surrounding the area. I felt my breath hitch as my eyes trailed to the lanky ginger boy laying on the bed. 
“What is this?” I asked softly. His head popped up at the sound. His eyes were dark but his face adorned a giddy smile that made me weak knowing I was the cause. 
“Well, I did say I wanted to show you the stars now didn’t I?” He said in a cocky voice, his head cocked on the side. 
I felt my cheeks heat up as guilt panged my stomach. “Oh Merlin, I’m an idiot aren’t I?”
“Maybe, but you’re my idiot.” He said plainly. I couldn’t help but smile at the boy, laying down slightly, propped up on his elbows, legs spread. His school sweater was nowhere in sight, and his tie laid untied around his shoulders. He looked delicious, and I needed him. 
“I wasn’t aware I belonged to you,” I said lightly, sauntering over to him I watched the way his smile fell and had to hide my own smile as I plopped down next to him on the bed. 
“After everything I did to you today you still want to be a brat?” He asked pulling himself up and looking at me like a predator would his prey. 
“I have no idea as to what you are talking about.” I lied cooly. I was thankful for the dark lighting hiding what I assume to be a dark blush coating my features. 
He sighed and pulled his tie off of his shoulders. His hands rung the fabric, tightening around it for a moment so his veins popped out ever so slightly. The sight made my desire deepen and I rubbed my thighs together, feeling my wetness begin to pool as the day’s events caught up to me. 
“What you are doing says differently sweetheart,” He didn’t look at me as he spoke, opting to continue to play with his tie. “What you are doing is telling me that you’re a misbehaving whore who needs to be put in their place.” He finally looked at me. The tie in his hands now was pulled into an intricate knot that had two loops similar to handcuffs. 
“I watched you today, I watched you rub your thighs together in potions like you wanted me to bend you over right there.” His words had my mouth dry and my pussy drenched. I had no words or cheeky comeback as he watched me with dark hungry eyes. Every word sending me closer to the edge. “I watched how after every interaction we had you grew more desperate, you may say you don’t belong to me but your body sure does, and by the end of the night your mind will too.” 
I opened my mouth to shout something back but before I could his lips met mine in a wet sloppy kiss. His hands soon found my waist and hoisted me up onto his lap, straddling him. From the new angle, our kisses grew more heated and synced. His hands trailed down my waist to my hips, he pushed me down rutting his hips into mine. I felt his clothed bulge grind straight into my core and I didn’t hold back the moan that erupted from my chest. He took that moment to stick his tongue in my mouth, I didn’t bother fighting him with my own, I continued to grind into him sucking on his tongue. He squeezed my hips and pushed up again in sync with my own rhythm I had set that felt amazing. I pulled back letting out a high-pitched whine. 
“Look at you saying you’re not mine but falling apart before I have even properly touched you. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were soaking, no one else can do this to you, you’re my whore.” I simply nodded at his words. Too caught up in the pleasure he was giving me to formulate a proper response. “Do you think I could get you off on my thigh? Do you think you could get off by humping my thigh like a worked up whore?” I buried my head in his neck, continuing to rut my hips into him as he spoke I felt my orgasm quickly approaching, and the thought of having to stop to situate myself on his thigh seemed counterproductive. 
“N-No.” I barely whispered. “Don’t need to.” His hand trailed up my side and behind my head, until he grabbed a fistful of my hair, pulling harsh enough to pull my head back but not enough to hurt me. I looked at him with half-lidded eyes. The devilish smile plastered on his face told me he was enjoying me falling apart on his lap. 
“Gonna cum from this?” He asked pushing his hips into mine with force. I whined, nodding as much as I could with his hand in my hair. 
“Yes, god yes,” I said hastily. The knot in my stomach was fraying at the ends, beginning to fall apart or snap any second. “Please Georgie, need to cum, need to cum now,” I begged. 
I watched as his smile fell into a more serious expression, the hand on my hip grew a tighter grip as he spoke. “Say it, slut. So eager for me, about to cum without me touching you, admit it. You’re mine.” His voice was a few octaves deeper than normal and slightly hoarse. His words pushed only further at the knot in my stomach which was moments away from unraveling. 
“I’m yours, all yours Georgie. Please let me cum, please let your whore cum for you.” I begged, rutting my hips harder. I screwed my eyes shut, willing my every fiber to wait for his permission. 
“Cum for me.” I fell apart in his lap. Panting out broken ‘thank you’s, and blinking away tears. He released my hair and my head fell forward onto his chest, I slowed down my hips and soon enough my breath followed suit. 
“Yknow, I was joking when I said that I didn’t belong to you,” I said breathlessly. I felt his chest rumble against my forehead as he laughed, one hand running up and down my back soothingly. 
“I know, I just wanted you to know you couldn’t get away with that.” He whispered in my ear. I picked my head up gingerly, looking into his lust-filled eyes. 
“Can you do something for me?” I asked quietly, trailing a hand up his chest. He hummed in response causing me to let the smile I was trying to hide slip onto my lips. “Prove to me your mine.”
“Oh, you are in for it now.” I couldn’t hold back the giggle that left my lips as he pushed me down onto my back, towering over me. 
Tonight would be a long night.
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Hey i really love your blog!!! I just plucked the courage to actually send u an ask fhdjhd but GOSH i love your video edits and your gifs and your meta article posts, you're so articulate and you can explain/describe moments in a way that makes me go "oh wow, i cant believe i haven't seen it that way before!!" Haha ANYWAYS i'm just here to say that i completely agree with what all u said, Free creators might do a lil fanservice here and there for the 25 ships that exists within the fandom's circle, but rinharu's storyline is clearly the most romantic one! And i'd argue it's the one closest to being canon esp after part 1, i mean the fact that they put such an explosive emotional outburst right at the end of the second to the last movie means a lot. It's like reinforcing the fact that this series has always been about them, and everything that has happened only happened either because they met or they grew appart and miss eachother. I kinda feel like maybe.. juust maayyybe there's a chance KA wants to make the ship canon, since it's the last movie and they want to end it on a highnote maybe (bcs honestly i think the only reason they've been holding back is purely bcs of the merch sales, since they don't have a problem showing a wholesome lesbian love story in kobayashi maid dragon) butt i could be wrong, maybe i'm just overly optimistic and delusional, they could somehow ruin it and give an ending that panders to all the ships again 😅🥲, but at least there's a clear-cut guarantee that part 2 would dedicate a large portion of it fixing rin and haru's fight!!! Oohh how can i wait another 6 months now!!😭😭 (sorry for the long ask btw!! 🙏🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️)
OMG thank you so so much!! For watching my vids too! ❤️❤️❤️ It really means a lot to me! Ahhhh wow, thats the longest ask I've ever recieved! 😍 I'm trying to explain myself so hard lol I'm glad its appreciated, bc sometimes I'm like "I don't fucking know how to say this" xD
Well, you know me, I only care for one ship, which is the only one with confirmed info that they're both actually gay and have mutual feelings for each other. There are some other ships in free! I'm fine with (those do not include Rin or Haru in them xD), but I just mostly don't care, bc after reading all the stuff, you can see that in some of those to one the other one is actually like his second option, which I just do not like. Others I just don't even see, bc again to me who witnessed great close male friendships and having two sisters who I'm very close to, I just do not see anything romantic in that.
It's not just Free! tbh, it's like any sports anime these days. They see two guys walking together, it's a ship. And like no one cares if they're just bros. Like I'd get i they did some fanservice fanservice, but like I never saw anyone in Free! crossing the line the way rinharu do. I can without thinking much name you 10 rh moments that no matter how hard you think can't be explain as being bros, but can't name one when it comes to others. I just find some ppl shipping everyone with everyone weird sometimes. It's like western fans see like some eastern actors or singers slap each other ass lovingly and they're like "oh they're fucking" I'm like "yeah, ofc all 500 of them, you're absolutely right". And Free! doesn't do anything even like that, I just do not get sometimes like what moment even brought on some ships. I'm genuinely confused. Albert and Haru? You fucking fell from a sakura tree or smth? I'm...
I'm especially confused when it comes to guys, whose character type is who I call "I only want this one and if I can't have it, then I'm ok" xD. It just always surprised me, when they try to pair up them with someone else, it's like a complete ooc.
I'm also not into this whole "well, if there are gays in this anime, than everyone there is gay". I'm like... huh. It's like with KNB and MDZS I had same feeling. It's like you have already couples there who are canon/borderline canon, why do you need another 10 who don't even interact or just don't even go there? I'm always so confused in those situations. Or like wangxian is married and some are like "no, I actually don't like it, let me write a fic when they're with other ppl". Lan Zhan... being in love or having sex with someone else? Yeah, that's not Lan Zhan, dude, you're writing about someone else. Might as well change the name at this point.
But last time I went to twitter someone had a thread about how if they make s4 of Free! they should mainly explore there Momo's angst (and no, it wasn't a joke), so I'm already like, I'm just.. nothing will surprise me no more. But I'm forever gonna be confused.
Yeah, I eel you about "going there". I mean seeing part of it, it just kinda cemented my confusion, bc I do not get how it can be considered platonic. We were just discussing since yesterday with @freeseafirefly how I now even more perplexed and do not understand how they will resolve it without going into relationship territory. It's just our point here is that like... no one forced them to go there (I mean its not like this whole fandom has some wild expectations or anything already), we were waiting or our usual friendship and swimming and maybe tiny conflict about struggles of pro-careers and some usual rh implications (maybe all the rh gay in dramas as always). Not some pure fanfiction coming to life here haha.
Like why I'm laughing is bc I twice used in my "fics" bringing up him leaving Haru as a force to push the confession, bc there's no way if he adresses this it won't lead to this. And now we not only have this (bc Haru just basically layed it out there), but an actual scene of him playing on their feelings for each other and a literal image of Rin leaving and "taking Haru's heart with him" to the point when he's for the first time in his life openly crying on the ground. And it's not like this scene can be interpreted as anything else, the whole fandom talks same, bc the whole fight was just about them, what Haru said was just about them, there's a literal boom of his heart getting out of his chest, before he falls and now he's heartless.
So our question is like... why go there?
It's like some say that they might still resolve it with "they're special to each other" and swimming, but still like we already knew that, there was no reason to go that far is what I'm saying. And to think that it was planned since forever giving the clues is like... ???
The whole spoon theme also throw me on the loop because like, lets be honest, it's wedding themed. And that part of the interview about part 2 there also made me go...?????? Because I mean, huh?
This is just all in all very interesting turn of events to say the least. I do not see the point of all of this if its not what I think it is, esp after seeing tweets like "even I see a rh wedding and I'm mh T_T". It's just all very unsubtle, that's why we're confused.
Like who knows, maybe we'll really by some magic turn of events get lucky and they really decided that since its the ending, it's okay to go for it. But I also don't wanna to hype myself much, I'm already really happy with it, just bc again, this scene already proves all of my points.
And yeah, I'm sure they'll pander to everyone, bc it's the end and etc and we have to handle everything on the good note and there's a whole line of ppl who's obsessed with us, esp with Haru xD, but like bromance pandering and romance pandering are different things, you know *wiggles eyebrows* and u know who always gets the second one.
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the collected poems of todd anderson
christmas day of 1959.
ao3 link here
He knew this day would come. He’s been dreading it, sure, he’d never really enjoyed Christmas much beforehand, his multiple unopened desk sets epitomised such. At his house, fires weren’t warm, hugs were stiff and silence was punctured by the sounds of laughing children in the house next door. It’d always been this way for the Anderson family. Todd grew to accept it.
But this year was supposed to be different.
He was supposed to spend his Christmas at Welton, with all the Dead Poets.
 Usually, the boys would go home to their families for Christmas, but through the efforts of Neil he assembled a complex string of falsities about a gargantuan Latin group project that all the Dead Poets needed to finish.
“Serious business, I care about my education father, why else would have you sent me here?” said Neil over the phone, holding his index finger to his mouth to silence Todd from his chuckling, although all Todd really saw was the wide grin that hid behind it, and the way Neil’s eyes crinkled up all the way, a complete oxymoronic action when Neil was usually on the phone to his father. Todd stifles back laughter and Neil smacks him lightly, only causing him to laugh more.
“Well, that was quicker AND easier than I expected...” Neil states after placing the phone back on it’s cradle and ending the call. “But hey!” Neil squeaks, “We’re all spending Christmas together! The biggest concern was just getting my father to agree, everyone else’s parents seemed fine with it.”
Todd and Neil start to walk, side by side, Neil bumps him playfully. “I’m so glad you told me, Todd.” Neil turns his head and looks towards the shorter boy. “My Christmases at home aren’t that great either, I’ve always wanted to spend them here, but I could never work up the courage to ask my father, ask Charlie, in our first year he almost called up my father himself. It was hilarious, he had to look up at the phone, he was so short.”
“You and Charlie have been friends for ages then?” Todd queries “Oh yeah, we met in our last year of preparatory school, he was a pretty mischievous kid, obviously not much has changed.” Neil laughs, “he was just always so confident and sure of himself… I always wanted to be like that, nothing ever got to him.”
“Has that changed?” Todd’s questions were always short and straight to the point. Startling upfrontness in the most unexpected of moments. It was something Todd was known for.
“Not really… I mean, I try to get him to open up… he just isn’t an emotions type of person, I think?” Neil scratches the back of his head. “During our 9th year he went through something really big and not great, but he didn’t tell me a single word about it. To this day I have no idea wahat happened. I tried asking but it didn’t lead anywhere… all I know is some kid had been expelled but it didn’t look like him and Charlie fought or anything because they spent so much time together ....” Neil trails off.
“You know people stare at us sometimes.” Todd blankly states, an unconscious switch being flicked immediately. “When we’re walking to classes, when we go into our dorm, when we exchange smiles in classes… They bump their friends with their shoulders and snicker under their breaths… Have you noticed that Neil?”
Neil’s walking pace slows slightly, “Uh… no, I-uh I didn’t… Do they think we’re-“ “-Maybe.” Todd interrupts before Neil can say The Word. “Bu-but we aren’t, I mean, you were talking about that girl from-“ “-Yeah! Ginny, from the play, wow, I mean, she’s just great.” “Yeah, I’m sure she is.”
God.
This got awkward.
Nice one Todd.
Did it again.
~~
Ink splatters dried on the paper he cradled so delicately, he stares at the contents once more.
“what wouldn't i give to love myself as feverishly as I love you? what is the opposite of amnesia? that is what you are. sometimes i cant find my way around my memories. i have to take detours… i think you were the best one.
little fragments of joy pepper my vacancy i didn't know that i should want to be hopeful or that being hopeful meant giving up some intrinsic part of me.
last night i had a dream that we were breathing underwater flying high in the sky, arms outstretched, laughing, smiling, hugging, bodies pressed onto one another. it didn’t last long. piece by wretched, fragile piece i throw out every hated qualm of thee your impenetrable stare fixed onto me
i have hoped for love that is beyond you being caught by me or me trying to slip through the cracks. they read me, you, us, with their glacial eyes and think they know but they don't
and it seems neither do we.”
“Wow, Todd. This is so… different. But good! It’s just, I’ve never seen anything like this in our English class, in the poems we’ve studied… I just… wow.” Neil looks up at Todd, eyes so soft, Neil knows how big of a deal this is to Todd. He doesn’t just share his work with anyone.
“I-I’m glad you liked it.” Todd smiles, it’s almost as if he’s had to completely remove himself from himself in order to let Neil observe and compliment this part of him, he takes the page out of Neil’s hands and places it in his book. “What-er, who was it about?” Neil gingerly queries. “I- uh, well.” Todd’s heating up now, he should’ve expected Neil to ask him this question. Dammit. Why was he so stupid for letting him read it. “Well, I-I don’t think you necessarily have to go through something to write a-about it, it-it’s fiction for a reason.”
Neil’s lips downturn slightly, “I guess, but everything that we produce in art- whether that be acting, or poetry writing, painting- whatever… it… subconsciously shows something that you might not necessarily want to show or see, right? Like how Keating got us the other day to choose a poem we liked and recite it… It tells you so much about a person. When Charlie was reading his poem… wasn't all you could think about was how bleak it was?” Neil continues, “The academically and poetically rigorous selection made by Cameron or Knox’s complete devotion and enamoration with the simplest emotion of the human being, love? We hide these parts of ourselves, maybe we view them as flaws and faults of our cognitive machine, but art reveals them all.” Neil delivered a love poem to the class himself. He takes a big breath and lets the words he just spoke sit in the air of their dorm for a while.
“Into the meadows dawn..” Todd clicks his fingers, a vague ritual to jog his memory. “flashes my faun.” Todd recites “O Hunter, snare me his shadow… O Nightingale catch me his strain. Else moonstruck with music and madness, I track him in vain” all they’re doing is staring at each other.
“You- you remembered my poem?” Neil questions. “Yeah- I went to the library after you said it- wanted to see if there was more… Oscar Wilde…” “Yeah.” “I notice them staring now that you mentioned it.” Neil breaks the trajectory of the conversation, “God, they’re all so stupid, it’s as if Judy Garland and President Eisenhower just strutted into the school, arms interlocked!” Todd chuckles. Then more silence.
“Has anything changed, Neil?” “What do you mean?” “Between us. What this is. Our comradely bond, as Keating puts it.” Todd chuckles, “ Our co-dependence, attachment at the hip.”
More silence…
“I-I think…” Neil finally states, “that it was never anything it wasn’t already… perhaps we ignored it, suppressed the feeling… but… it was always there.”
“For me, at least.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
~~~
The wind pierced Todd’s skin in tiny microscopic ways, embedding itself under the protection of his coat and completely evading the rest of his physical form, though perhaps the wind wasn’t the cause of the spine-curdling ache he felt, but simply an additional symptom.
Bells rang, green and red Christmas themed paraphernalia adorned the streets he’d previously been driving through, staring out the window at lights and snow that trickled onto an already naturally bleached layer of the ground. His footprints leave indents and obtain a slippery consistency to the outer sole and toe cap. He treads more carefully.
His hands clutch the leather cover of the journal he is hiding underneath his jacket, minimising any further damage that may soon come its way, finally, through minutes of soul-searching and carefully treading through stones and flowers, he makes his way to Neil.
He looks at him with a certain sense of fragility, his stone head protruding from the ground and covered in snow. Todd wipes some away to see the carvings made into him. His full name. Aged 17. Dutiful son of Tom and Susan Perry.
The newness of it all sends a pang to Todd’s stomach as he looks at the other stones weathered with age and the constant bombardment of the elements. That’ll be Neil one day. Flowers not fresh and carvings unreadable. Forgotten to the world and all its inhabitants, rotting in satin lining and cherry oak wood. Todd stifles back a sob and covers his mouth, forcing himself to get it together for just this moment.
“Merry Christmas Neil.” Todd whispers, the words can barely come out. “You-you’re not here physically but you’re here with me, and Charlie, and-and all the other Dead Poets.” he continues, “though- though Charlie isn’t here technically either. He left. Had to. He’s not graduating, at least he’s not at Welton” Todd looks down, brushes his emerging tears away with his shoulder
“I just wanted to come here and give you your gift, I’ve had it in the making for a while now, you’ve seen some of it already. I wish I could’ve given it to you earlier… if I had known this would happen.” he pulls out the journal, and opens it up.
“Here, I’ll read you some.” Todd, though already cold and miserable, situates himself next to Neil’s cold headstone and leans his head on it, opening the journal's contents to its first page.
“Dear Neil,” Todd’s starts, but adds an offside, “It’s dated on the 7th of a while back, my-my birthday.”
“I hope this book finds you well,” Todd’s breath hitches, “especially considering that I’m probably too anxious to deliver it to you. What you’ll see here is what we spoke about the night we first kissed. About freeing ourselves from any subconscious fear or dichotomous dread of both working with and against the grain or being liked or disliked. The people I look up to the most are inspirationally unpopular. So, here’s a suite of poems by yours truly. Hopefully you’ll find your own meaning and reverence in the words my brain has conjured up, words mostly pertaining to you. Every inch of your being alive has me transfixed and enamoured, and I’m truly gobsmacked on the good deed I must’ve committed to have deserved having you in my life.” Todd’s face is red and stuffy from the cold and his breathing is short and punctured.
“You’re sleeping right near me at this moment, and as a sweaty toothed madman once said. We were together. I forgot the rest. Consider this journal a detachable limb of my own self, something you can always carry around and know that I am with you, always. You can suck the life force, the bone marrow out of the words I have written in here and I would applaud and encourage you to do so. Without you, I have no idea where I’d be right now. I owe you so much Neil, you’ve taught me that sometimes the world can be good. That a person’s smile can brighten an entire room. A performance perfectly acted can be a person’s ultimate achievement and their triumph. You are the word phenomenal incarnate Neil, I hope my words do you some sort of justice.
You deserve the world, Neil. I’m brainstorming ways to give it to you.
With love, Todd.”
——————————————————————————
i hope you guys enjoyed!! its fucking brutal honestly but needed some angst and tragedy in my fictional life to reflect my own.
just a preface that some of the poem todd read's is borrowed from pete wentz old emo livejournal posts because i need to somehow tie my two big interests together and MAN does that man write some gay ass shit. hope your heart doesnt hurt too much <3
creds to @neilscrown on tiktok for posting the headcanon "Todd definitely bought Neil a Christmas present and he never got the chance to give it to him so he would sit in his once shared room and stare at it" it tore my HEART OUT and inspired this rambling
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Gym
So this is my first fanfic ever...Thanks for @fanficlover91 for encourage me and also be my beta. All I can hope now is that you like it.
Pairing: Henry Cavill x you
Warnings: fluff, light smut, body issues
Your need to work out again grew bigger everyday. You weren't someone who constantly visits the gym but lately you had some body issues that cant be ignored any longer. You had a hard time left behind you and just moved to London a few weeks ago. Thanks to your new job at a popular marketing agency you were able to afford a small but fancy apartment in Kensington.
You loved your new home and job but what you didn't love was the fact that all your new workmates were super hot model size zero types and you just disappeared in between them when you went out at a club or a bar. Even if you knew that you would never be a size zero it bothered you and you wanted to feel comfortable again. And you wanted to be seen... you needed a rebound desperately. Your last relationship didn't end well and your nightmare of an Ex was one of the reasons for your body issues. In the last months of your time together he barely touched or kissed you. It didn't take long for you to find out why... he cheated on you with one of his fitness trainers in his gym. (of course one of those super hot model size zero types) as soon as you knew what was going on you ended up any relation to him and moved in with your best friend. But that wasn't enough, you needed a total restart. And so you ended up in a new country with a new job ready to start over again. So here you are now, in front of the gym you choose... your were really happy that they offered early opening hours because you didn't want to train next to a fitness bombshell with some super tiny sports bra and the tightest leggings on the planet. As you stepped in one of the training rooms you were relieved, no one was there. Due to the early hour you had all the training stuff for yourself so you opted to start with a warm up on the treadmill. You put your earplugs in and started to run. 10 Minutes in and you were already starting to sweat as you recognized a man coming into the room. Obviously he was a constant gym visitor because his muscles were clear to be seen beneath his sweatshirt and his shorts. His bulky form was definitely easy on the eyes and with no doubt he knew who handsome he is because he exuded some sort of big dick energy. He sat down on one of the benches and started to unpack his bag. You tried to go on with your warm up and pretend that you didn't saw him but eventually he looked up to you and your eyes met.
Your heart started to race as you looked into the blue orbs of his, your mind started to spin and your coordination didn't work anymore... right in front of you stood no one else than Henry Cavill, the Man of Steel, Geralt of Rivia and the protagonist of your nightly wet dreams. You couldn't really process that and so your feet start to stumble and you lost your balance on the treadmill. You just closed you eyes and waited for the impact on the ground. And two seconds later you felt the pain in your ass and the back of your head. Great you thought what a nice first impression. As you opened your eyes again you saw the blue orbs right above you “Hey are you ok?” Henry asked. “Ahm yes I think...its ok. I was just …. a … little... distracted.” you mumbled. He smirked down at you and reached out his hand for you. You took it and he easily lifted you up but your head started spinning again. Before you could loose your balance Henry pulled you in his arms “Easy there. It seems you have hit your head quite nicely” he chuckled. You blushed instantly and tried to move away from him but he gripped you tightly. “I think you need to sit down and drink something” he gestured to the bench nearby “I am Henry by the way” he said “Ah yes hi, I am Y/N... its nice to meet you” you groaned. You were totally embarrassed. Yes you knew that Henry Cavill lived in Kensington but out of all options you could imagine to meet him, falling down on a treadmill wasn't one of them but unfortunately the most ungraceful appearance that you could make. Great, just great. I meet my biggest celebrity crush and make a fool out of myself immediately. “Normally I am alone in here at this time of the day” Henry ripped you out of your thoughts “Are you new here?” “Yes its actually my first day of training today and as you can see I am nowhere near as fit as you are” the words spill out of you without thinking about what you said. Henry chuckled “Well everyone needs to start at some point. And as long as you have a plan how to train everything is alright” You snorted “That is exactly the problem, because to be honest I don't have a plan. I just had a bad feeling because of my workmates...” you started to explain. Y/N what are you doing here... Henry Cavill certainly does not want to know your pathetic backstory you scolded yourself “Whats wrong with your workmates” he asked. “Oh ahmm... nothing and I really don't want to steal your training time away Mr. Cavill” Oh fuck, have I said Mr. Cavill...Shit now he knows that I know him... “Sorry... I didn't want to be bold... It must be annoying to be recognized everywhere and... “ “Hey Hey its totally fine... that's a public gym and I am aware that I can be recognized so please stop apologizing” he stopped you. “And you don't steal my time... So please tell me whats up with your workmates.” You closed your eyes and shook your head. “They...They are all super hot model size zero types and I just disappear in between them... so no one ever sees me” You started to explain. “I really wanted to be seen and start a new life here in London with new friends and some male attention... but obviously everyone just sees the ugly wing woman in me...” “Hey look at me” he gripped your chin in his hands and as you opened you eyes you saw him look over you from head to toe “All I can see is the most gorgeous woman I met in quite a long time. With curves in all the right places and the most beautiful eyes I have seen in my entire life” he whispered. You turned crimson red instantly at his words and tried to look away. “Don't be look away. There is no need to be shy. I mean every word I said.” “But...But there is no way... I mean you are... you and I am just an ordinary woman... “ he silenced you with his lips on yours. Holy Shit I must hit my head quite badly this can't be reality... you went stiff at the touch of his lips and he stepped back immediately. “I am sorry... I … oh gosh... that's so not me, normally I don't do that...but your eyes...your lips...you bewitched me” he stuttered. You started to smile shyly because you never you would have thought that you can make Henry Cavill stumble across his own words because of your appearance. You reached out and touched his yaw. “Its fine I was just surprised...” you leaned in again and pressed your lips on his. Now it was his part to be surprised but after the initial shock he moaned into the touch of your lips. He felt heavenly against you and soon the soft and tender kiss grew more passionate and he searched for entrance with his tongue. You parted your lips slightly and he invaded your silky mouth. Oh god this is really happening, I am kissing Henry Cavill and god is he a good kisser, I am curious if his tongue feels this good everywhere... Obviously you weren't the only one who liked the kiss because Henry gripped your waist and put you into his lap effortlessly. You cant help yourself and started to grind on him and he let out a heavy grunt which was by far the sexiest sound you have heard in your whole life. After several more minutes of making out you felt your arousal start to pool in your panties and shifted uncomfortable, trying to get away a bit but Henry gripped you even tighter. That's when you recognized your effect on him... a heavy boner peaked into your groin and you opened your eyes wide in amazement. In need for air you broke the kiss and looked at him with big eyes “Y/N look what your amazing body does to me” he said totally out of breath. “Feel it” he took you hand and pressed it against his bulge “Oh” you whispered. He leans in against you and whispers in your ear “Please come home with me... I want to worship that goddess of you properly”
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xsarcasticwriterx · 3 years
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I hate you
Summary: In a world where your enemies name appears on one wrist and your soulmates appears on the other but what happens when it's the same name on both
Pairing: loki x reader
Warnings: fluff but some major angst at end, swearing,
Notes: Finally not bucky pfft anyways i got this idea from a post I saw on instagram hope ya like it :) oh and this takes place during ragnarok and infinity war also yes i know the lines aren't the exact same but i tried to keep it similar.
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You hated loki no hate wasn't strong enough you despised the god. With his tricks and mischief. with his knifes and need to simply be an absolute dickbag. all of this is what made the position you were put in even more confusing and messy.
You stared down at your wrist looking at the names well name. singular. The names were supposed to be one of your enemy and one of your soulmate which of course frustrated people to the end of which name suppose to take what role. Yours might seem simpler but it made it more complicated.
there was one name. loki. It sat on both your wrist being there since the day you were born. at first it confused you and your parents why the name was the same. Then the confusion grew when a few days later a prince was born named loki odinson. 
So your enemy was loki but was also your soulmate. The more you were around loki the more you understood the enemy part of it. He'd pull mean pranks and constantly pester you. you assumed the names on his wrist were in the same case as yours making his constant bother make sense.
Of course now wasn't the time to rehash all of that. you currently were going through something that felt similar to an acid trip. They spoke something of the grandmaster and how this planet was created or whatever. you simply felt sick and like someone stuck your brain in a blender. 
you open your eyes not even realizing you had closed them at some point. looking around you are sat next to thor and in front of you is a strange man with eyeliner who looks like a dude going through a midlife crisis. 
behind you are rainbow guards. confused you turn to lowkey who looks just as confused as you. “well aren't these two just marvelous. he and a she right?” he ask looking up at a girl. she nods “yes he and she” she smiles at you two. “see this is why your amazing. what do i always say when she shows up it starts with b” he says looking to another girl. “trash” she says glaring at the other girl. “wha- no were you just looking to call her trash that doesn't even start with b” he said confused and shaken. “booze hag”
you cant help but snicker at this. “I- what no i'm sorry i always say your the best god. she brought me my champion y'know” he says with a smile. “so you say every time shes here.”  she replied jealousy thick. “how much for them” grandmaster ask. this shakes you up and throws even thor off guard. “hi yes excuse me were not for y'know sale”  you say like its an outlandish thing. “10,000″ the girl says. “I am not for sale” thor says ripping his arms out of the chair. “ooo a fighter I like it” he says then the girl presses a button and thor is shaking like he was tased. 
“Y'know actually i think i'm ok being sold off can I just nooot have that happen to me?” you ask with a wide grin. “I like her shes funny” get her out of the chair” the grandmaster says. “give her the credits hurry” with a grumble the girl gets paid. “you will pay for this.” thor says to the scavenger. “no I got paid for this.” she says smugly walking off. your chains are released and you stand up rubbing your wrist. “do you got any lotion or anything cause that shit made my wrist all dry” you say nodding towards the chair. 
“Get the girl some lotion go go” he says to the other. “come follow me” he says after you get handed some lotion. you walk into a room full of people thor following behind on his chair. The room seems like a party people are chatting music is blasting. “I am the god of thunder!” thor says. tiny thunder comes out his fingers making you chuckle. His hammer being broken but be affecting him more than expected. “well there's no thunder but you did create little sparkles there.” he says walking to a dj panel.
“hey y/n get me out of here” thor whispers to you. “Man i don't even know how i got out ok guess you gotta just be awesome like me” you look around and spot someone who for once actually made you smile “or like loki apparently.” you point out to thor. “loki!” he yells. you hit thor's arm “shut up” you say. loki looks at you two confused.
“loki!!” thor says happily. you simply facepalm you didn't want to talk to loki nor did you want grandmaster from finding out you know him especially if he's caused as much chaos here as he has on asgard. loki looks concerned and does a fake smile and goodbye before walking towards yall “shhh sh” he says. “what are you doing here” he ask “Me and y/n were put in a chair she was released wheres your chair?” thor ask. “i didn't get a chair” loki whispers back. “well get me out of this one” thor ask “i cant.” “get me out” “I cant” they debacle before you interrupt “how did you get here?” you ask. “I was here a few weeks ago I gained his trust i know hes strange but im in the good with him” loki says.
“what are we whispering about” Grandmaster sneaks up on yall. “jesus fuck what are you a mouse?!” you ask feeling your heart pounding like drums. “you know this lord of thunder?” grandmaster ask loki. “god of thunder heh tell him” thor says nodding. “i've never met this man in my life” loki says with a nervous smile. “their brothers” you chime in “adopted” loki clarifies. you smile at the grandmaster. “well if you want to get back to assguard or-” grandmaster starts “asgard” thor clarifies. “Only those who defeat me beloved champion can leave.”  grandmaster said with a smile. “just send him that way he’ll stab whomever whatever to get back home” you say. thor nods with a smirk.
and off he goes. not long after loki nods towards where thor was sent and you nod back. As much as you hate loki it was nice having 2 familiar faces here. You walked after loki and snuck into the room. loki was making hand gestures as thor threw a rock through him. “course” you say with a shake of your head. loki and thor look towards you. “why did i actually think for once you'd be nice and actually be here” you say rolling your eyes. “Never put faith in my brother to be nice” thor says throwing another rock through loki. loki rolls his eyes “You don't want my help then i'll just go.” loki says turning around then turning back. “I haven't seen this champion but i know he is unstoppable and terrifying. I have placed a large wager against you won't let me down.” loki says walking off.
“He's right ya know, loki, this champion is a champion for a reason and you don't have your hammer anymore you cant even do your cool lighting trick you barely got it out your fingers...just don't get killed out there please. Loki won't admit it but he cares about your dumbass and so do i so do us both a favor and don't get killed” you say walking out the room. loki was right at the other side and rolled is eyes. “that was cheesy” he says. “shut up i just don't want you to be more annoying than usual if he fucking dies.” you reply with a grumble.
Soon enough the battle comes and you sit next to loki. your nerves become evident the more time passes. loki puts a hand on your bouncing leg. slowly it calms down. his hand stays there as thor walks out. you gulp deeply. they announce the champion and out walks.....hulk? “I have to get off this plant” loki says starting to walk off. you giggle. loki's experiences with hulk were far from fun.
“where are you going?” grandmaster ask walking loki back to his seat. “Hey! I know him! hes a friend from work!” thor says yelling. you bite back a smile. “ahem yea we kind of all work together” you say with a smile to grandmaster. his smile falters. loki looks nervous. as much as you wanted to laugh at his pain hulk throwing you around can be quite traumatic. “hey you're up here...hes down there” you say “hes not coming after you ok hes controlled its ok.” you say to loki. he nods.
The fight goes on and right when you see an end that scared you thor got his powers and blasted hulk. “oh shit” you mumble. “of course” loki mumbles. thor lost the fight that's the summary of it. You and loki ended up wondering the place. “shouldn't we try to find thor?” you ask. “if you want thor i can take you to him but i figured id take you somewhere” loki said. “uh yea sure” you said with a shrug. 
You a loki end up at the top of a mountain the view looks beautiful. the sky was many shades of blue from dark to light. “this is...this is beautiful” you say. “yes it is” he replied looking at you. you turn to him seeing him look at you. you smile...maybe loki wasn't so bad after all.
Then an alarm goes off “My precious champion is missing that seductive lord of thunder as stolen him” a hologram of grandmaster says. “shit....thor” you say. “follow” loki says. he grabs your hand and you two end up in the grandmasters office him and the scavenger who brought you and thor is there debate who can bring thor and hulk in faster. “Well i come as a pair” loki said holding your hand up. “uhhhhhh suppose so?” you say with a shrug. “i woke up wanting an execution but ill settle for this little ‘who gonna get him first’” grandmaster says. 
you three walk out. “now why would you help my brother escape” loki ask “I help no one but myself” she replies. loki and her end up fighting as you just sit back and watch what can be said watching loki get his ass handed to him was fun. when she knocks him out she looks to you. “do i have to knock you out too? or i can just use this.” she says holding the remote. “uh see i'm not really with him but ya see he makes a great partner in crime but ill just follow willingly.” you say putting your hands up. “good choice” she says.
“Should probably get your name if your going to take us hostage” you say. “valkyrie” she says. you two walk in silence into a room as she ties him up. “i’ll be back keep him there” she says walking out. you sit next to loki and sigh. “your my soulmate...you? i don't know if i have the worst luck.....no i have the best luck.” you say with a smile. one of his sleeves is slightly up and you can see your name on his wrist. “how did we get stuck like this...together.” you ask. loki looks so peaceful asleep. this trip has made you see a vulnerable and kinder loki.
you kiss his cheek before seeing him squirm. his eye open and he looks around. “course she made you babysit” he grumbles. aaaaand he ruined it. you roll your eyes. “shut up and make this easy on both of us and just stay.” you say. “what am I a dog?” he says with a huff. “well you were a snake one time” you say laughing at the memory. he laughs “fair enough” he replies. He starts to say something else when the doors open. thor and bruce walk in. “y/n!” he says excitedly. “Bruce” you say happily hugging him. You two had been close before he disappeared to well here. loki grumbles and bruce turn to him. “last time i saw you, you were ready to kill us where are we at now?” bruce ask. “it varies moment to moment” loki replies. 
bruce looks at you concerned. “he's on our side for now.” you say sitting next to loki. “look we need to get out of here.” he points to a portal outside “through there” he says. “through the devil's anus?!” valkyrie ask. you burst out laughing. “I wasn't aware it was called that when i picked it” thor says slightly embarrassed. “well we need a ship mine wont make it through that” valkyrie says.
They then nerd out about ships as loki struggles in his chains. “Don't even try there stuck there” you whisper to him. he sighs and gives up. “I just so happen to know the codes to grandmasters ship keep” loki says. “and your just ready to help?” valkyrie ask “i have run out of favors with grandmaster sO” he says and sighs. you side eye loki suspicious. he smiles you and you look to the others. 
“what the worst he betrays us? Would just be another day with the odinson boys.” you say standing up. So that was that. You,thor, and loki would go get the ship. you two were at a door when thor started “I suppose we should talk.” he said. “i disagree,open communication was never our family's forte” loki said. “you have no idea quite the revelation sense we last spoke” thor says
“hello” thor says to the people...things that see you 3 come in. “hi” loki says making you smile “sup” you say before you 3 blast them. “Odin brought us together” loki says as you 3 hide from the shot fired back. “Its almost poetic that his death should split us apart.” loki continues. you sigh “loki why are you so prominent on keeping this angsty wall of yours up” you grumble earning you a side eye. you three then finish them off walking to another key pad. “We might as well be strangers now” loki says ignoring your statement.
“Two sons of the crown, set adrift” loki says. you'd love to say something or really just slap loki so he stops pushing his brother away further and further with every words but you let him continue. The door opens and a man points a gun at loki making him backup and you giggle as thor blast him to the ceiling. “thought you didn't want to talk about it” thor says walking into the elevator. loki puts a finger up “here's the thing” he says stepping over the body. you roll your eyes and follow.
“im probably better off staying here on sakaar.” loki says. that's not what he wants. you stare at thor which he clearly doesn't get cause he then says “That's exactly what I was thinking” 
loki makes a stunned face and looks shocked and confused. “Did you just agree with me?” he says shocked. you hit loki's shoulder “what its surprising” you roll your eyes. “come on this place is perfect for you. its savage,chaotic,lawless. Brother you're gonna do great here.” thor says matter of factly. you title your head up and sigh. “morons” you grumble earning two confused looks.
“Do you truly think so little of me?” lokie ask. you shake your head. they really are stupid aren't they. “Loki, i thought the world of you.” thor says. finally now loki dont fuck this up. loki's face soften ups and you smile at it. “I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever” thor continues. come oooon.  “but” fucking hell thor. “at the end of they day your you and i'm me” thor says with a shrug. loki looks hurt now. “i don't know maybe there's still good in you. but lets be honest our paths diverged a long time ago” he finishes. fucking hell thor you just had to go and fuck it up. loki contemplates what was just said looking between the floor and thor. 
he sighs and nods. his face is full of hurt. you grab his hand softly and give him a small smile which he reciprocates. you may hate loki which lets be honest even that was falling apart but you still wanted him happy. you hated how hurt he looked. like a kicked puppy. “yea...it's probably for the best that we never see each other again.” loki says voice full of pain and almost desperate for thor to deny the allegations.  “that's what you always wanted” thor says patting loki. “yall are the most idiotic gods there could be” you say taking thor off guard. loki simply laughs. thor shakes his head and turns back to the front.
“hey lets do get help” thor says happily. this wipes the hurt from loki and replaces it with confusion. “what?” he ask “get help.” he says again. “no.” loki says shaking his head. “come on, you love it” thor says excitedly. “I hate it” loki says shaking his head again. “Its great it works everytime” thor says “its humiliating loki says swinging his hands bringing attention to you two holding hands. This earns a smirk from thor before he says “You have a better plan?” he ask.
“no” loki says. “were doing it” thor says with a smile. “we are not doing get help” loki says matter of factly. next thing you knew loki was limp over the shoulder and thor was yelling get help before throwing loki at the guards. you laughed falling onto your ass. “see this is why i didn't want to do it” loki says nodding to you. “im im ok im good” you say trying to stop laughing. you get up but not far before loki does as loki does and betrays yall. he twitches on the floor and thor walks off. “i'm gonna stay here with him” you say. thor looks suspiciously at you before carrying on. 
“if you just hadn't been so stupid and said how you felt and what you wanted from thor we wouldn't be here and now im stuck taking care of your dumbass once again. God i don't even know why i stay anymore when all you do is exactly what would hurt me what you trying to fulfill the enemy part of our deal?” you ask lifting up your sleeves showing the two loki names. “I mean really loki why do you keep doing this please just explain it to me. I started to see a side of you the side that I actually cared for and saw us being real soulmates but then you pulled this crap again and now i don't even know what to feel.” you say before the doors bust in. a rocky man and a group of others walk in. picking up the remote and stopping loki's twitching. Loki looks at you with soft eyes before turning back to the men smuggly. “you look like your in desperate need of a leader” he says. you huff and he looks at you and smiles.
“why thank you” the group says. With that y'all are off on a ship. “sooo where are we running to now” you ask loki. “no more running were going to asgard and were going to kill my sister.” he says with a nod. you smile. you grab lokis shoulders throwing him off. “whatd i do?” he ask. for the first time ever he seems like he'd do anything for you. “nothing” you say with a smile. you kiss his cheek. he looks around confused before clearing his throat. “ok good um ok” he says turning to the panel. you giggle before walking to chat with the others. finally you arrived at asgard which is on fire and surrounded by death. “read?” he ask. you grab his hand. “always” you say turning to him. he smiles and nods. the ship door opens and you all run out and attack.
when the fight seems like a dead end thor blast the whole kingdom with lighting and launches himself out to the bridge. loki smirks slightly which you see and smile yourself. “your late” thor says  “your missing an eye” loki says. “ok enough let clear these out and-” you start before hela emerges. what the actual fuck. “hit her with lighting” loki says. “I just hit her with the biggest lighting bolt and she acted like it was nothing” thor yells. “wait....what if this isn't about stopping ragnarok.  what if it was about causing it”
thor looks at loki who looks surprised. “this is insane even for me” he says walking off. “Loki!” you yell. he turns around. you grab him and kiss him. its soft and its like the world stopped just for a moment before you have to pull away. “don't get killed” you say. he nods and smiles “anything for you darling” he says with a wink before running off. thor clears his throat. “let's fight” you say. with that you and valkyrie fight with the others as thor hold hela off. you worry for loki how he’ll get out.
Then ragnarok emerges and fire is everywhere. hels is distracted and you and the others run into the ship. flying away Taika says something about the foundation. then it explodes. a few minutes later loki is next to you. “hello darling” he says. you smile and grab onto loki pulling him into a hug. “loki thank god” you say pulling away. you kiss him deeply. “don't ever do that shit again” you say.
You all spend 3 months flying around before coming across a teeny tiny issues heh. you sat in a pool of blood of your friends. people you grew to care about. you tried to scream but were muffled by the guard on your mouth. After the 1st scream they put the guard on to stop the noise. thor was tied down. Heimdall was dead and hulk had been blasted away.  You tried to scream again but it stopped as soon as it exited.
Thanos had just decided earth was where needed to be next. “if i might interject, if you are going to earth you might want a guid” loki says appearing. he walks towards thanos. “I do have a bit of experience in that arena” loke says walking up to thanos “if you consider failure experience” thanos said. “I consider experience experience” he said firmly. “All mighty thanos, I loki, prince of asgard, odinson, the rightful king of jotunheim,god of mischief.” he starts spewing off his titles. you see him make a knife appear and you try to scream once again. “Do hereby pledge to you my undying fidelity.” he says starting to power before trying to stab thanos. thanos stops it. “undying” thanos says. “you should choose your words more carefully.” thanos says as he forces loki to drop the knife. 
Thanos grabs loki by the neck chocking him. you scream but no sound escapes. tears flood your eyes. “you will never be a god” loki says with his last breath before thanos snaps his neck. thor tries to scream too bt fails.thanos walks over and drops loki's body. “no resurrections this time” he  says before lighting everything on fire and leaving. with that your guards are released. you run to lokis body. 
you sob and scream. “y/n” thor tries. “shut the fuck up thor” you yell at him through gritted death. you hold loki. your enemy, your nemesis but more importantly your soulmate. rolling up his sleeves you see the one with your name. grabbing the other you see a different name. Luca. you knew him he was annoying as hell. of course now he was another corpse among the rest. you weren't his enemy. He was only yours. Everything he did everything that annoyed you was him trying to be close but in loki's own way. Loki Laufeyson. your enemy and your one true love.
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fallingfor-fics · 3 years
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Teachers Pet-chapter 13: the test
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chapter 12
I was just leaving the Great Hall and was walking to DADA with Harry and Ron, discussing what we were thinking we would do in class today, since neither of us wanted to attend. We walked into the classroom and I noticed Lockhart wasn't there yet, thank Merlin, maybe he would be absent today. We sat down and got our supplies out patiently waiting. I heard Ron whispering to Harry and nudging his arm.
 Lockhart entered and gave a brief overview of what we would be doing in class today. I heard more whispers from the pair and turned to look at them, "What are you two whispering about?" I said in a hushed tone. "Nothing" they both said and I just rolled my eyes. I then felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Harry smiling at me. "Um Y/n I wanted to ask you something." he said clearly scared and looking back at Ron. "Well what is it?" I said wishing he would just ask already. "Potter! L/n! Shhh Im speaking!" Lockhart interrupted. He continued blabbing about the lesson and I turned back to Harry. "What was it?" I whispered. "Oh, um well I was wondering If you wanted to go to the Yule Ball with me?" he spat out quietly. I was taken aback clearly, shocked since I had no Idea Harry liked me. I felt kinda bad because I didn't feel the same and I didnt want to hurt his feelings. He could tell it was taking me a minute to think it over. Harry was just so sweet, too sweet, I didn't really like cheesy sweet boys, they are a little soft for my personality, which is why it was gonna be so hard to say no. "Look Harry, you're one of the nicest guys I have had in my life, but I just dont think its a good idea, im sorry, I'm positive you can find someone better to take, like Ginny maybe?" I said with a compassionate smile.
   I could see his face soften and he frowned a bit, "Oh that's alright I totally understand, I just figured y'know neither of us had dates yet, but no worries." he said as he turned and focused back on Lockhart. I felt so guilty for doing that, he was such a good friend, but I just couldn't see us having a good time at the ball. I did the same and focused on Lockhart and we spent the rest of class in silence.
   Once class ended I muttered small goodbyes to Harry and Ron and quickly sped out of the room not wanting to deal with the aftermath of that whole situation. "Hey Y/n" Draco said walking up to me like he did everyday, "Hey Draco, ready for the potions test?" I said as we walked to the dungeons. "Mm yeah I guess I mean I've been ready haha." he said with a cocky smile. I rolled my eyes, "How was DADA? Hope you didn't hex Lockhart again." He said laughing. "It was fine, and fuck off," I said playfully pushing him"Something strange did happen though," I said looking down at my books, "Harry asked me to the Yule Ball.." I said looking at him. "What?! Potter? What a joke!" he said scoffing "I hope you didn't say yes!" he added. "No I didn't, he's too sweet and I just don't feel that way about him, but I feel really bad about it. He looked upset." I said looking back down. "Oh I'm sure he'll be just fine, plus you need a man to take you to the ball, certainly not Potter." he snarled, I elbowed him and gave him a look, "Hey be nice! He's still one of my friends you know." "Yeah yeah." he said mockingly,  as we entered the potions classroom and took our seats in the front. Snape wasnt here yet so we all waited patiently. I got my supplies out and opened my book looking over the material one last time. The door flew open and Snape came walking in, his robes billowing behind him like usual. I felt a small smile creep to my face at the act, he always looked so stunning when he did that, so...powerful. I realized what I was doing and quickly looked back at my book and dropped the smile.
   "Ok class, put your textbooks away and clear off your tables, I will now be handing out your tests, you'll have all of class to complete them, no more and no less. You will get your grades back tomorrow, come drop them on my desk when you are finished and return to your seat quietly." He spewed, the same speech he gave before every test, he began walking around the class handing out the tests and came to my table last, he handed one to Draco and then to me, I looked up at him as he handed it over and smiled saying thank you, he just nodded and looked to have given and very small smirk, as if to say "Good luck" I took a deep breath and began on the test. It was 100 questions which was no surprise since we have a 2 hour class period for potions. 40 minutes had gone by and I was on question 36, which wasn't very good, as Draco was on 49. I needed to pick up the pace if I wanted to finish in time. An hour and a half had now passed and several kids had already finished, I was feeling pretty good so far and was on question 70 something, feeling like I was losing my mind at all the words on the page. Before I knew it Draco was getting up and turning his in. I was almost done, only 5 questions left and 15 minutes left. When I finished there were only three kids still working on theirs, I looked up at Snape who was going over essays and he looked up at me. We made eye contact and I quickly looked back at my test, checking over all my answers. I let out a breath and cracked my knuckles as I stood and slowly walked up to Snape, "All done" I said nervously handing it to him, he looked up and took it from me, and his fingertips brushed mine very softly and quickly as he took it from me, and as soon as he did, out of fear and embarrassment, I snatched my hand away and smiled awkwardly, walking back to my table and putting my head down. I dozed off for the last 10 minutes of class, awakening to Draco shoving me telling me it was time to leave, I sat up and saw most of the class had left.
   I grabbed my stuff and we went for the door, "Actually, Ms. L/n may I speak to you." I froze scared it was about the hand thing, or maybe the Dumbledore thing this morning. I shooed off Draco saying I'd catch up and walked over to stand next to Snape's desk. He stood up and I followed him with my eyes, keeping eye contact to get any sense of what this was about. "I went ahead and decided to grade your test as soon as you turned it in." He said in his usual tone, not giving me any clue as to what I got. Making the suspense and tension build more. "Oh gosh. It's bad isn't it? I failed, didn't i? Oh merlin Professor im so sor-" I began to ramble when he didn't speak but he cut me off, "Y/n calm down." He said and I could feel a slight blush at the use of my first name. He handed me my test and I kept my eyes on his not looking down at it yet. "Wooo ok I can do this" I said giggling a bit, I looked down and my eyes went wide. Written in red ink and circled at the top was a 92. A fucking. 92. I looked back up at him and my jaw dropped. "OH MY GOSH I DID IT!" I practically screamed, jumping up and hugging the paper. "I can't believe I passed and with a 92 this is the happiest moment of my life!" I said smiling up at him.
In fit of adrenaline and serotonin overdose I threw my arms around him and hugged him. He went stiff and I realized what I was doing and quickly threw myself off. "Oh my I'm so sorry Sir, that was so inappropriate, I was just so happy" I said blushing hard and feeling a very strong nervous tingle, which it was I decided to call them, and looked up at him. "It's quite alright Y/n, I'm very proud of you, you worked hard and it paid off, good job." He said with a very small, but visible smile. I smiled big back at him and gestured to him, "I got you to smile too! This is amazing!" I said giggling. "Alright alright enjoy it while it lasted because that's the first and last time you'll see it." he said back in his normal tone and sat back down in his chair. We went silent for a moment as I just stared at my test. "I'm gonna frame this" I joked to which he just looked up at me and smirked a bit. "I cant thank you enough Professor, If you hadn't helped me and stayed up all night tutoring me, I would have been seeing another 50" I said with a calmer and genuine tone. "Of course, Ms-...Y/n, Im proud." he said and I put my head down to hide the blush, I felt rush to my cheeks at the sound of him saying my name, this was getting out of hand. "Ok well, I will see you in tutoring tomorrow. Goodbye Severus." I said with a sarcastic grin and walking out of the class before he could scold me for the use of his first name.
   I walked out of the school to the yard and sat in front of the tree that overlooked the lake. I closed my eyes and took in the fresh air listening to the quiet sound of the lake's water. I looked down at my test paper and smiled, he told me good job and I felt so proud to have pleased him, thinking of the potions professor and how he was such a different man to me now than he was when we first met, he was still his normal self 90% of the time, but he would let the kindness shine through every now and again when I would talk with him. I can't believe I hugged him, I thought. He felt warm for such a cold man, and he smelt nice, like parchment and firewhiskey. That smell would forever be burned in my head. And he smiled and it lit up my dark world for that fraction of a second. Looking in his dark eyes as he was truly proud of me, made my heart beat faster, he was so...beautiful to me, despite what others thought of him, he was an amazing man. I felt the nervous tingle again, only this one lingered on. I leaned my head back on the tree and felt a single tear slid down my face. I let out a breath and opened my eyes wiping it away quickly, and grew scared for a moment. I wasn't sure if it was a tear of joy, or a tear or worry, for I had just begun to realize, the nervous tingle I felt around him was butterflies, the ones Hermione had told me about, and the feelings I had, were for my Potions Professor.
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Goodbye, Spencer. [Gn!Reader x Reid]
A/N: Hey friends! Back again. I hope you enjoy this one! Its quite short but, oh well. I’m like halfway through writing 2 other little fics so.... hopefully I'll find motivation to finish those soon.
Summary: After a tough breakup, Spencer sees you while he’s on a much needed walk. Will you guys reconnect or separate once again?
Pairing: Reid x Gn!Reader
Rating: PG - no warning
My [short] masterlist can be found here.
Word count: 1.06k
Spencer Reid was thinking about you again. Your brave, angelic nature captivated him. He could get lost in the sight of you. Your eyes, which you believed to be ill-proportioned, were perfect in Spencers. Your hair, which you believed to be too short, looked absolutely amazing to Spencer. Your smile, which you hated, was absolutely gorgeous. He missed you, he lost you. He wanted you back.
In an attempt to hold back the tears, Spencer decided to go for a walk. He loved walks. He was always fascinated with the breathtaking scenery in DC. It’s tall, bright beautiful trees, and cold crisp air all encouraged his sadness to feel broken.
Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the amiable figure of the one he once loved. It was you.
Spencer gulped. He considered himself to be pretty self sufficient, independent and nice. He was doing fine without you, he convinced himself of this. He can do this. You no longer had an affect on him. Boy, what a lie. 
But not even an independant person was prepared for what you had in store today.
The sun shone all-pervading, making Spencer sad. He remembered the way you were so appreciative of the sunlight and perfect days like this. Reaching into his bag, Spencer grabbed the cool cup that he brought along with him; he massaged it with his fingers.
As Spencer grew near to you, he could see the relieved glint in your eye.
As you gazed upon the familiar face, you noticed the changes in Spencer.
His hair is longer. It looks better this way, you thought, his curls are more defined. His eyes are darker, was he loosing sleep? He got taller. How is that even possible? This man was already 27 feet tall. His arms are more toned. He’s been working out, maybe. That thought made you chuckle. Spencer working out. He looks good. 
Unsure of how to greet him, you begin with "Hey, long time no see."
“Yeah. What are you doing around here? You live all the way across town.”
Being honest, you really weren't sure why you were here. You were hurting too. You missed Spencer. You thought maybe just seeing his apartment, or the area surrounding it would bring you the closure you needed. Maybe show you that you made the right decision.
-
“You’re not leaving, are you?” Spencer’s eyes were sad. 
“I have to, Spence. It’s what's best for me. I need this time for myself”
“Please don’t go. I need you here. I can fix this. Please, just stay.”
“You know I cant do that. I’m tired of hurting Spencer. You’re hurting me. Let me go.”
You hated doing this. You hoped that it would never come to this. You loved Spencer. You probably will forever. But the problem didn't lie in your love, it lied in his. Spencer loved you, that was a fact, but work came first. It always did. 
Special dinners, meeting family, double dates, movies and really most of the things you planned were quickly disbanded after the ping of a text-message. You couldn’t take it anymore. You knew that Spencer couldn’t ignore his boss, you knew that. It wasn't fair to ask him to quit his job either, which is why you decided the best thing to do what break up and move on. You cant spend your life waiting for someone who never shows up. You held nothing against Spencer. You understood why he does what he does. That didn't make things any easier, though.  
“It’s better this was. Trust me, Spencer. I am so, so sorry. I love you too.”
“Can you kiss me? One last time? That’s all I ask. Please.”
“Spencer, you know I cant-”
“Please.”
You approached him, red eyes and tear stained cheeks, and pulled him into one last kiss. This kiss was different from the ones you regularly shared, however. Spencer put every ounce of passion his body could contain into this kiss. He thought maybe, just maybe, if he kissed you with all he had, you’d realize the mistake you’re making. You knew you were going to miss this. The way your lips moved perfectly. The way your heads fit perfectly into each others. You were going to miss Spencer, but you had to be selfish for once. For your own good. 
After what seemed like forever, you separate the tear-filled kiss. You could've swore you heard a small whimper escape Spencer when you broke the kiss. 
“I Love you.”
“Goodbye, Spencer.”
-
“Hello? You okay?”
Your eyes are met with Spencer’s hand as it waves in front of you. You must've zoned out. You felt tears line your eyes, and you remove your fingers from your lips. You didn't even realize they were there.
“Huh- Uh, yeah. Sorry. What?”
“I had asked what you were doing over here.”
“Oh. Um, I’m not sure. I missed it over here. There’s pretty trees here.”
“Theres pretty trees everywhere. We’re in DC.” Spencer looked back, even more sad and still fingering the cool cup. "I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I miss you. I know you miss me too. Why else would you be around here? Give me another chance" he replied.
You looked at each other with torn feelings. Everything he was saying was correct. You did miss Spencer, but being here only reminded you of why you left.
Spencer studied your face, looking for even the slightest micro-expression to confirm his theory. Eventually, you took a deep breath. 
"I'm sorry," you began in apologetic tones, "But I cant go back to that life Spencer. Never knowing when you'd be home, if you’d be home. I just cant. I hope you can understand that. I know that won't I will love you forever, I just think maybe we were put together on this universe at the wrong time, which is why we have to go our separate ways. you met me at a weird time in my life Spencer Reid. Not a day goes bye where I wish it was different, I promise you that. Please forgive me."
Spencer looked in love, his emotions raw and completely exposed. You could practically hear his heart shatter into a million pieces.
“I do, I understand. Goodbye”
“Goodbye, Spencer.”
And just like that, it was over. 
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gay-salt-amber · 3 years
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Can we get a full story on Georgi and Jeans relationship? I think its really cute from the information you gave us and I wanna know more! - :D anon
Yes I sure can! Hope you like it :D
Love On The Ice
The ice rink. A figure skaters home away from home. Some go to the ice for training, some go there for fun, some go there to cry, some go there to rage, and some go there for love. This is no different for a 25 year old French skater named Jean Douce.
Jean pov-
Walking to the rink was something I always enjoy. Sure, my bag was kinda heavy at times and the walk may be long but it gave my legs some practice moving before I step foot onto the ice tonight. Todays competition was being held at my home rink in France, which is quite nerve racking, but I can't let that show. My coach said that this may be my chance to make it to a grand prix final, but I'm not so sure. We'll see when I get there I guess. As long as I try my best, then we'll be just fine.
When I finally made it to the rink, I looked up the sign 'Lilac Ice Rink' gave me a sign of comfort. I felt at home, I felt comfortable, I felt relaxed again. I opened the door gently before walking in, waving to the blonde behind the front desk, Ms. Joy, the woman who owned the place and someone I've known since I was little.
"Good luck out there!" She said with a smile
I gave a simple nod and went to the locker room to change, I didn't here anything before I entered, making me think not many people were there, 'Weird, I guess I am kind of early though.' I opened the door and sat my stuff down on the bench I looked over to see a face I hadn't seen before. The person had a pointy hair style, all of his hair was pointed infront of him, strange hair style but not bad. He was wearing a jacket over what I assumed was the outfit he was skating in tonight. I tried to read his jacket but the back of the chair covered it and I couldn't recognize the logo, curious, I walked up to say hi to him.
"Hi!" I greeted,
He put down what I recognized was blush and looked at me, "Hello, who are you?" I grabbed a chair, pulling it over and sitting down next to him, "I'm Jean."
"Are you skating tonight?" The black haired man asked
"Yes, I'm on the French team! What about you?"
"I'm on the Russian team."
"Ooo! Cool! What's your name?"
"Georgi."
I got up and held out my hand, "Well Georgi, I hope we get along."
He scoffed and shook my hand, "Good luck."
I smiled and walked back over to my bag and got out my outfit for the night, when I was putting it on, everything was fine until I remembered that it tied in the back. Unlike some people I know, I can't reach that far back. I turned my head and saw that Georgi was still here, I'll just ask him for help.
"Hey! Georgi!"
He turned around, "Hm?"
"Can you," I pointed to the ties, "Tie this for me?"
He rose to his feet and walked over, "Sure, but don't blame me if it looks awful."
I laughed, "Heh, I think it'll look fine, I mean, if you can make your face look so pretty, you can probably tie a knot pretty well too."
Georgi paused for a moment before going back to tying the knot, "Don't say stuff like that."
"Awh cmon! Its just a compliment!"
The cloth on my back tightened and the feeling of hands on his back left, "There its tied."
"Thanks!"
He grabbed his bag, waved and exited the locker room, the door slamming behind him.
'I think we'll get along well.'
A while later, Georgi pov-
I stood, leaning on the wall of the rink, deep in thought. Who was that Jean boy? All I know is that hes a skater from France. I want to know more about him, hes quite a nice boy and I think we'd get along well. I glanced over to where he was getting some last minute practice. His olive eyes sparkled as bright as a star, his skating wasn't the best I have ever seen by far but the passion he had was as obvious as the blue sky.
The only thing I could keep my eyes on was the cute brown haired boy, I spaced out from all of reality and I wouldn't have it any other way...
"Oi! Georgi! I'm talking to you!"
I turned to the voice to see coach Yakov behind me, "Oh sorry."
I cleared my throat before speaking, "Do you know anything about Jean? The boy over there?" I said, pointing to him.
"Ah, that's Jean Douce, hes a French skater."
"Well I know that much, anything else?"
"Well hes quite the amateur, I heard from his coach that hes only been to the second part of a figure skating contest once."
"Ah, I wonder why.."
"I heard he is married and has a kid so that's probably why, its hard to balance a family life and skating, anyone can tell you that."
Those words felt like a jab to the heart, "Oh.."
"Your going on last by the way, I wouldn't have it that way normally but, cant argue with the organizers."
I nodded and walked over to the bench to sit, grabbing my water-bottle from my side and taking a sip. While I was drinking I stole a glimpse at Jean who was now panting, head hanging down as he sat about 2 benches away from me. Why the world doesn't he have water? I sighed, 'Do I have to do everything for this boy now?' Wait that doesn't sound too bad.. I glanced at my water bottle which was still practically full and headed over to him.
I sat down by him, which caused him to instantly look over, "O-oh hi."
With a nod, I held my water-bottle out infront of him, "Here, I saw you didn't have one but your panting like a fucking dog so I figured you'd want some."
He grabbed it, his hand brushing against mine causing my heart rate to go up higher then what I am fairly certain is healthy. He smiled brightly, it was adorable and when I saw that on his face, I knew this was what they call love at first sight.
"So, I heard your married?" "Yes. I have a wife named Salem."
I was curious, I want to know more about her, "What's she like?"
"Heh, not great lately.."
"Mind telling me why?"
"She just doesn't approve of the fact that I do figure skating full time she thinks it wont make good money which is-"
"Bullshit" "Bullshit" We said in unison, we both let out a chuckle and Jean continued,
"Because of that I cant get as much practice in because I cant get the time away from her nagging to get out to the rink."
I looked at him, thinking, "I think I have an idea."
"What is it?"
"I'll help you with your routine."
His eyes widened at my words, "Don't you need to practice too?"
"I memorize my routines quite well, I think i'll be fine with coaching you."
"I have a coach already y'know?"
I scoffed, "Yeah and from what I saw she has no fucking idea what she's doing."
"I mean.. You're not wrong."
I stood and held out my hand, "So get up and lets head to the ice."
Jean grinned, putting my water-bottle down and grabbing my hand, "Alright!"
After the competition Jean pov-
Well.. I didn't make the cut, I guess I was right, heh. My score was 221, I was about 4 points behind the 3rd place winner who was a boy from America named Leo de la Iglesia. While I was getting changed in the locker room, Georgi was sitting down removing his makeup
"You're not very chatty.." He stated
"Heh, I guess I'm just upset about losing.. Good job on getting 2nd though!"
"For what its worth, I think you should have gotten third, Leo failed that one double axal so he shouldn't have had 225 points, you should have scored higher too, you landed everything."
I let out a dry chuckle, "Still my jumps weren't nearly as good."
"Still."
"Thanks, Georgi."
I stuffed my stuff into my bag and was about to leave when I felt a tap on my shoulder, "Hm? Did you need something?"
"Can I have your number?"
"Sure!"
He handed me his phone, I typed in my number and put in a contact name. "See you later, fée endormie" (Sleeping fairy)
Georgi's face looked as red as a cherry, his words were stammered too, "Y-yeah you too.."
I waved, closing the door to the locker room behind me. The walk back to the hotel was long, I wanted to be outside longer so I could think. Think about the cute Russian boy I met just a few minutes prior. Then I started to ask myself, 'This is so.. Wrong, what's wrong with me.. I am a married man, I shouldn't think things like this.' I sighed, letting those thoughts die. Those thoughts were replaced with more happy ones about Georgi and how the day went, 'Yeah.. we can think about the future later, day-dreaming never hurt anyone, right?'
About a month later-
I was relaxed on my bed. my wife was out at work and finishing up some school work. I am still going through collage since I had dropped out for a few years to help raise Akaashi. But now hes 17 and a third year at Fukurōdani Academy, a school here in Japan which my wife is the superintendent of. The work was nothing bad, I was about to type my last sentence before heading to the ice rink for practice when my phone buzzed with a message from Georgi
---------
Georgi: Hey, this may be sudden, but can you open your door?
Jean: Uhhh why?
Georgi: Cuz I'm outside and its cold!
Jean: Ok! I'm on my way!
---------
I ran faster then I ever had down the stairs, I thought I was going to fall and land on my face but luckily I didn't. I unlocked the door and opened it, revealing Georgi in a black jacket with matching pants. His hair was down, I have seen him with his hair down a lot but it was so cute that I couldn't help but blush at the sight.
"So what are you doing here?"
"I was in Japan and wanted to see you, simple as that."
A smile grew onto my face and we walked to my room where we sat on my bed, he read a book while I finished that last sentence of my paper, once I was done I turned to him and asked,
"Hey can you look over my essay for me?"
"Sure, give me the laptop."
I nodded and passed my laptop to him. It was a short paper but he seemed to take his time, I watched him add punctuation and such. He glanced at the citations at the bottom,
"Hey I think you forgot a citation." He said,
"Oh? I did? For what?"
"The County Tribune one, you used it in paragraph 4 right?"
"Oooh! I had an issue with that one! I tried to get the information but when I clicked the link I used, the domain was down, I just put down the article title and access date since my professor said that was fine."
"Oh, gotcha. But other then that I would say just fix some words, you used 'according to' with your textual evidence a lot so I would say change that."
"Alright, thanks! You sure know your stuff!"
"Yeah, I did really well in Language arts and Writing classes back when I was in school."
"Cool! I guess I'll have to ask for your help more~" I cooed
"Pfft, have fun with that." He snickered as he went back to his book
I kept looking for more words but I kept catching myself getting distracted, "Hey, what do you-"
Before I could say anything else I felt something on my neck, I moved my eyes down to the feeling and saw Georgi, biting my neck.
"G-Georgi?"
He pulled back instantly and scooted about a foot back, "Oh my god! I am so, so, so sorry!"
I smirked, "Do it again, Georgi."
"Isn't your wife going to be home soon?"
"She texted me earlier, she's going to a meeting in Paris, she'll be away for the next few days."
"And what about Ak-"
"Are you going to keep asking questions or are you going to do it again?"
The Russian boy let out a 'heh' and scooted forward, continuing what he was doing before. I smirked and didn't react, finishing up the paper. It was only about 2 minutes later when I heard a sad 'humph'
The mouth released my neck for a moment, "Hey.. Pay attention to me."
I let out a chuckle, turned off my laptop and put it on a side table. I turned around to face Georgi and put my arms around his waist, "There, I'm all yours now."
He placed a kiss on my lips, "Good."
Georgi's lips locked back on mine hungrily. This was the thing I wanted for months, no, this is the type of thing I've wanted my whole life and I never knew it before. God, please let this last forever.
He crawled closer to close the distance and put his knee between my legs, the feeling of having something to rub felt amazing and it caused me to whimper. The moment those whimpers became loud enough for Georgi to hear, I was pinned down with my hands above my head. He dipped his head down to whisper into my ear, "May I, my sweet baby prince?" Those words sent a shiver up my spine, "Yes, please.."
---Timeskip cuz its late and I am not awake enough to write smut--
"That was so good.." I said, panting while laying on Georgi's chest
The Russian skater let out a snort and ran his hands through my hair, "Was it now? Or do you just moan for more whenever you feel like it?"
"Heh."
"I love you." I whispered, kissing him on the cheek.
"I love you too baby."
I cuddled into his chest with a big grin, "Good." "Hey, question.."
"Hm?" I looked up at him, my chin still resting on his chest,
"How are we dealing with your wife? Y'know since you're my lover now."
"Meh, I'll think about that later. Now, let me sleep, you're really comfy."
"Heh sure."
"Also, leave your hair down more, its adorable."
"Sure, whatever you want dear."
"Okay, sleep soon, k?"
"K."
---Aaand its over! Thx for the ask!---
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leelee10898 · 3 years
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A miss match Christmas: matched for disaster.
Hello everyone! Hope you all are having fun reading and writing these awesome Christmas fics! This is my submission for our 12 days of fictmas: 2020 edition, hosted by myself and @emichelle . This comes from the VIP book miss match.. granted the book is not over but, im my head Jack x MC (Callie) have both become CEO of two's company and are married.. this jumps a few years into the future.
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The sound of heels could be heard on the slick marbled floor from down the hall. He kept his head forward, eyes trained on the laptop in front of him. As the clicking grew closer, his lips curled up into a smile. "I thought you were heading home?" He could hear the laugh in her voice, he finally looked up to meet her eyes. Those eyes, that intoxicating smile, it was what drew him in the first time they met. It was 4 years ago on valentines day, in her fathers crowded bar. "I could say the same for you." He chuckled. 
She walked over to the desk, standing behind him leaning down to see what he was working on. Her long brown hair brushed against his cheek.   "Last minute additions to the Christmas party, Jack?" She eyed him, he casually shrugged his shoulders. "And how many clients will be in attendance now?" Her fingers hovered over the mouse, clicking the guest list, her eyes widened in shock.  "He is coming?" Jack gave her a knowing look as she stood up striaght.  "Now Callie, I know what you're thinking but, wasn't it you who said, and I quote 'everyone deserves to find love, no matter what' ?" He gave her a smug smile. 
"Yes," Callie spoke through gritted teeth. "But this guy is accident prone. We will have to tie the decorations down with steel ropes, not to mention no open flames. The wait staff will need helmets.." she began to ramble. Jack chuckled as he stood to calm his pacing partner. "It will be ok,Callie. Just relax." 
Two weeks later… 
Callie stood toeards the back of the room, her eyes constantly scanning for the one person she would have to be on constant look out for. The worry leaving a crease between her eyes. "Have you moved from this spot at all?" She heard his smooth baritone come up beside her. 
"No." She casually spoke, not taking her eyes off the door. Jack shook his head, a small chuckle escaping him as he handed her a champagne flute. "You're cute when you're flustered,Cal. Just Relax." 
Just as he spoke a tall man came into view, callie sucked in a panicked breath and sat her glass on the table. Jack placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder and turned her face towards his with his free hand. "We will approach him together, he is here to find a match just like everyone else is." Callie nodded and the two crossed the room.  
"Thomas Haught, it's good to see you again. You remember my partner,Callie?" Jack spoke, extending his hand. Thomas reached out to shake it, missing completely and knocking the glass out of Jack's other hand. 
"Jack." Callie groaned under her breath. 
"I am so, so sorry Jack." Thomas apologized. "I am such a klutz, maybe I shouldn't have come." 
"It's ok Tom,You are perfectly fine. Try to relax, everyone is here for the same reason. Why dont you grab a bite to eat and we will meet up in a few." Jack smiled politely. 
Thomas nodded and headed towards the elaborate buffet table,Callie began to panick "Jack, you just sent him to get food, alone. There are flames under those trays, what if he," callies eyes widened in horror as she watched Thomas's sleeve catch fire.  It was quickly put out by a server. "You see!" She shrieked. 
"Ok, so maybe Toms a little bit accident prone. Which is why we need to find someone who is a great care giver for him." He chuckled, Callie rolled her eyes and walked away. 
As the night went on Callie tailed Thomas. In his wake he managed to trip a waiter carrying a full tray of cranberry and brie with crackers. Knocked over the ice sculpture and elbowed a match maker in the face, blackening his eye.  Tom sat at a table alone, Callie was able to relax a little as she watched him slump his shoulders in defeat. If he was sitting, he couldn't be that much of a threat. 
Thomas was a handsome man, he was tall and had a thin build. He was in his early thirties and a client of the company's for several years. He was thought to be an 'un matchable' but that didn't stop Jack from trying. She recalled his file in her head. The man volunteered with underprivileged children, he owned his own company and was a volunteer fire fighter.  How he managed to not cause more damage with that last part was beyond her. 
As she stood there staring at him, she began to feel that familar feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had spent so much time preparing for disaster that she could not let herself willingly try to match this man. That's when the match maker spark came to life.  "I know that look, you found your fire." Jacks strong arms wrapped around her waist. "I told you to stop fighting yourself, you were going to lose." He chuckled as his lips found the base of her neck. 
"Why is it that the man can rush into burning buildings without falling through the steps, or the place falling in on him. But he can't walk an open room without tripping on a loose thread in the carpet?" She softly hummed. 
"It's probably the adrenaline, that and a mix of confidence." Jack answered.  "When is this party over again?" His lips exploring her exposed skin. 
"That's it!" She quickly spun around in his arms. "You're a genius,Jack! And that's why I married you." She quickly kissed him. "You're a genius." She murder against his lips before turning and walking away. 
"What did I do? No clue?" He spoke to himself, shaking his head and following her across the room. 
"Having a good time, Thomas?" The sound of  Callies voice made Thomas jump up. His knees hit the table and knocked over several drinks and his chair. "I'm so sorry, why am I such a spaz?" Thomas groaned as he lifted a glass off the table. "It's ok Tom, just leave it. The staff will clean it up." By this time Jack had joined the two, giving Callie a confused look. 
"Walk with us, will you?"  Callie motioned to Thomas. Thomas wrung his hands nervously, tripping over his own feet. "This is hopeless, maybe I should just go home.  I can't even walk without tripping over my own feet, how am I supposed to find love? I would probably accidentally harm them somehow." 
Callie held up her hand, motioning around the room at the various people. Some couples that had just connected, others just mingling trying to find a spark. "Do you think any one of these people are perfect? That they don't all have some kind of quirk? Some personal issues? Because I will tell you, nobody is perfect. Tell me Thomas do you have any mishaps when you're running into a burning building?" 
Tomas searched his mind. "Ah, no. No I can't say that I have." 
"And why do you think that is?" She pressed.  
"Adrenaline? I don't have time to think I just do it." He shrugged, a smile spread across her face as Thomas began to connect the dots. 
"I think you have the potential to be a great someone to somebody, you just need to stop over thinking it and be yourself." Callie patted him on the shoulder. Thomas looked to Jack who nodded his head in agreement.  "She's right you know. She's always right." 
As the three stood there, Jack with his arms around Callie and Thomas scanning the room with a new found sense of pride, he noticed a couple getting a little too hot and heavy by the enormous 10 foot Christmas tree. He watched in horror as it began to sway just as a pretty petite dark haired woman stood right in the path of destruction.  Thomas set off in a sprint across the room, he grabbed the woman by the waist yanking her out of the way just in time as the tree crashed to the ground. The pair tumbled on the floor, Thomas landing practically on top of the woman. 
Callie and Jack ran over to the pair as Thomas perched up to look down on the raven haired beauty, shock written all over her face.
"I'm sorry for the crash landing miss but, I couldn't let such a gorgeous creature be crushed to death by a massive tree." He gave her a cheesy grin as he helped her up. 
"Oh my god, Maggie are you ok?" Callie wrapped her assistant in her arms. 
"I'm perfect, thanks to my Hero over here. " Maggie blushed as she motioned towards Thomas. 
" oh im no hero miss." He gave her a bashful smile. 
"Anyone who risks being impaled by a rogue tree is definitely a hero in my book. I owe you one." Maggie flirted.  
"All in a day's work, mam." Thomas blushed awkwardly.  He looked to callie and Jack, callie giving him an encouraging nod. 
"Would you ah, would you like to grab a drink?" 
Maggie looked to Callie and Jack, twos companys no dating clients or co-workers policy used to be iron clad, until Jack and Callie showed Veronica just how stupid the rule could be. Technically it wasn't encouraged to date clients but, Maggie wasn't a match maker and Thomas was actually perfect for her. 
"You two have fun." Callie winked as she grabbed Jack by the arm leading him away as the banquet halls staff began cleaning up the tree fiasco. They walked out onto the balcony, the cold New York air causing immediate goosebumps on callies skin. Jack noticed, shrugging off his jacket and draping it Over her shoulders. "You know if you asked me 4 years ago if I would be here, like this in this moment I would have told you, you were crazy." He spoke softly, his gaze fixed on his wife. " of course I always knew I would be CEO." He gave a cocky chuckle. 
"And now?" She challenged. 
"Now I cant begin to believe my life. I never thought I would share everything with someone I am truly head over heels in love with. I love you Callie Munroe, you never stop amazing me with everything you do. And just when I think you couldn't possibly amaze me more, you go and give us a family." 
Callies eyes widened, she hadn't told him yet. She found out they were expecting a week ago and planned on telling him Christmas morning. "How did you know?" 
"I know everything about you, Callie. I can not wait to be a dad, this will be our greatest chapter yet. Merry Christmas." He leaned in placing a soft kiss to her forehead.  
"Merry Christmas, Jack." 
******☆☆☆☆☆******
Tag list : Writers : @texaskitten30 @Leelee10898 @emichelle @zaffrenotes @alj4890 @burnsoslow @kat-tia801 @darley1101 @msjr0119 @annekebbphotography @god-save-the-keen @plumeriavibes @ofpixelsandscribbles @camillemontespan @ao719 @cocomaxley @cordoniansgonewild @twinkleallnight @the-soot-sprite @cordoniantrash @axwalker @innerpostmentality @lucy-268 @janezillow @katedrakeohd  
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nomintokki · 4 years
Text
Unreachable | Na Jaemin
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PAIRINGS: Idol!Jaemin x Bestfriend!Reader
GENRE: fluff, slight angst, childhood to the successful life story of Jaemin
WORD COUNT: 1.8k
A/N: mentions the 00 line; slightly suggestive ughhh,,, smut ig??? But its not really smut kljdlkash i cant do that.  thank you @mjlkau​ for proofreading. Anyway hope yall enjoy.
After hours of contemplating if I should go to Jaemin’s Party in celebration for his drama debut. I am now inside my car driving on the way to his condo. Jaemin has been my friend as for long as I can remember, we basically grew up together. We have been neighbors since childhood. Thus we share a lot of things together; we went to the same school, grade school onwards, and to this day, we still keep in touch. We make sure to meet at least once a month. I can proudly say that even after his debut, our friendship never changed. We would still catch up from time to time, send random memes, call each other and such.
I was contemplating on going to his party, simply because I didn’t think I’d fit in his world. I’m just a normal person after all, a nobody. I’m pretty sure his ‘small’ party won’t be that small with all the big celebrities attending it. I knew his fellow band members, several actresses and actors who would be working with him would probably be there too. See I, a mere citizen, just don’t simply fit in. But of course, how could I say no to my best friend? He was being really persistent, begging me to be there. In his exact words he says, “Please y/n go I want my best friend to see and meet my new friends! Besides, they want to meet you too.” I just couldn’t say no.
He told me his new drama will be a romantic one, as he will be partnered with a fellow actress of his. I don’t know why but when he told me that, there were tingling feelings inside my stomach. No, actually- let’s be real. I was probably jealous. I knew for a fact that I have been denying my feelings for Jaemin. I think it all started when we were in high school, but they were just part of adolescence, I guess? In high school he started to bloom into a newer and matured man, handsome as ever, no longer the same childhood neighbor I grew to know. The way he helps other people and takes care of the littlest things is maybe the thing that attracted me the most.  I didn’t want to ruin the comfortable friendship we already have, so as much as possible I keep on brushing away the thought that I am attracted to him. Most especially at this time, he is way out of my league.  I do not know why out of all people he, Na Jaemin, a successful idol, soon to be an actor, my best friend, is the one my heart chose to fall for. I know for a fact that he won’t be available to catch me if I fall for him, well actually I already did. Who am I for him to choose right? I meant he can be with the most beautiful actresses and idol stars out there why would he choose me right. In order to not hurt myself more as much as possible, I ignore and brush off the fact that I like him.
Finally, I arrived at his condo. That was the longest thirty minutes ride I have ever driven. 13th-floor room 1308, alright I am in front of the door and the loud music can be already heard. I ring the doorbell, as it opens it revealed Jaemin, arms open, happy to see you. “Y/n!!!!! You came! Are those tiramisu??? My fave thank you Y/N! Come inside I’ll introduce you to my members. GUYS Y/N is here!!!” Jaemin welcomed me with a hug and grabbed my gift for him. I replied to him with a smile. I don’t think my nervousness was hidden tho. I don’t know if I’m nervous to meet his colleagues or because I am once again seeing him.
“OH if it is not the famous Y/n.” A guy named Heachan one of his members said. I chuckled at his remark and shook his hand that he offered me. “You know what Y/n Jaemin always tells us about you” Renjun, another one of his members, said as he also welcomes me. “Oh really what does he usually say about me?” I replied “he was telling us how much he l-” Renjun was cut off by Jaemin’s hand. “I was telling them how we were always out playing during our childhood days and how I always defeat you when we play kart rider” Jaemin interrupts Renjun. “From what I remember you always lose when we play” I replied and everyone in the circle laughed.
It was indeed just a small party his members were there, some of his managers, and some of the cast of his upcoming drama. I actually had a good time. His members keep on asking me questions about how Jaemin was during his younger days. I told them stories where Jaemin once cried because of whisker’s away, and that he had a pet chick and rabbit once. It felt good talking and hearing stories from them. His colleagues were simple just like him I didn’t feel the gap we had when I was conversing with them. Jaemin’s partner for his upcoming drama was indeed very pretty, again my thoughts of being with him just suck, even more, I really need to move on. But don’t get me wrong she was really kind and single…
The time had been moving by quickly as the night became darker, the hours becoming more late. Some of his guests already left. I wanted to leave early since i still have duty the next day, but he asked me to stay and help him clean. Now I know why he really wanted me to go. Some of his members are still here tho specifically the ones in his same age, Haechan, Renjun, And Jeno. While Jaemin and Haecha sent off and accompanied some of the guests to the lobby Jeno, Renjun, and I started to clean around the room. “You know what y/n were happy to finally meet you,” Jeno said “yeah Jaemin really treasures you as his friend you know he won’t shut up about you” Renjun added. I chuckled at their remarks “His life was probably boring he didn’t have any stories to tell besides mentioning me hahaha”. “You and Jaemin seem to be really close huh?” Jeno asked and I responded with a nod as a wipe down the counter table. “Jaemin never dated girls during his highschool years right?” Renjun asked maybe out of his curiosity. “He was scared of girls and too lanky to get one back in the days haha” I replied “oh yeah he was really lanky when he started training I remember hahaha, but you know what y/n, you and Jaemin actually look good together,” Jeno said “actually! You both had the chemistry” Renjun added. I just smiled at their remarks not wanting to get my hopes up. Jaemin never really showed interest in me so I guess he just really saw me as his friend.
The doorbell suddenly rang. Renjun went to get the door. “Where is Haechan?” I heard Renjun ask. “He didn’t want to clean up so he will just wait for you guys at the parking,” Jaemin said as he approached the vacuum to help us clean. “That b*tch” Jeno remarked. “I guess you two can finish that we’ll be off now bye Jaemin congrats again on your drama! Also bye Y/N nice meeting you!” Renjun hurriedly said while dragging Jeno out of the door. “Hey hey hey you two promised to help me clean!!” Jaemin said but he was cut off by the door Jeno closed. “It’s okay Jaemin this won’t take long anymore they did a lot anyways” I told him as I continue to pack the food that was left.
After a few minutes, we finally cleaned up everything. Tired and exhausted we both slammed down on the couch and let a heavy sigh. “Y/n.” called me out and I responded with a hum resting my head on the couch facing the ceiling. “Thank you for coming I know you really didn’t want to” he said I turned my head to face him “of course and because of that you owe me” i kiddingly replied.  It was quiet but the atmosphere was relaxing, most of the time me and Jaemin are like this, just enjoying the presence of each other. It wasn’t awkward or anything were used to being like this around each other. “Y/n I need to tell you something” Jaemin suddenly said and sat upright. He always tells me random stuff but there is seriousness in his tone which made me nervous. I faced him and gave him a ‘what’ look as my reply. He took a deep breathe and met my eyes “i like you, y/n… for the longest time i have always liked you. No, actually I think I already love you” I couldn’t believe what I am hearing from jaemin after all these years we actually like each other??? I was speechless at the moment I did not know what to respond, my brain was having a hard time processing the information I just got. “Did i shock you? I am sorry for the sudden confession. I do understand if you dont feel the same way-” I cut him off and asked “are you practicing your lines for your upcoming drama? You sound pretty convincing nice one Jaem!!!” I chuckled and laughed out my nervousness I had to make sure he wasn’t just kidding me. “y/n dumbass I actually like you. I am not practicing some lines with you omygosh you really are my best friend. But kidding aside y/n I truly like you I, I love you y/n” I can see in his eyes that he is really genuine with his words. “No were both dumbasses, I liked you ever since we were in high school Jaem” I noticed his eyes grew when he heard this “I didn’t want to tell you since I didn’t want to break the friendship we had” I added. “Me too! I guess we were both cowards huh? But I couldn’t keep these feelings anymore I had to let them out that’s why I’m telling this to you right now” he says while locking his eyes with mine. He slowly cups my cheeks with his slender hands “I never dared to try and date anyone because I knew that I only wanted you, y/n”. I could say that the tension was rising he closed the gap between us. He wasn’t my first kiss but as if its my first kiss heat grew and butterflies on my stomach became wild. I kissed him back and as if we were dancing our lips were so in sync. I reached for the back of his head and placed my fingers between his hair.
I don’t know how I got to this but today was a rollercoaster. I could not believe the thing that I was most worried about earlier this morning would be my greatest dream. I am happy to say that me and my long time crush are in love with each other.
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