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cherriesfineline · 3 years

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Au Pair – Chapter I

It's finally here – I'm sorry this took so long, this past few weeks have been a mess but here it is, our first chapter for the Au Pair series; I kinda hate this, ngl- I always hate first chapters, a lot of introductory info and bla bla but yeah.

In the weird case you happen to enjoy this and want to be added into the taglist (starting next chapter) you can request it here.

Feedback, likes or reblogs are so, so appreciated! I'm very much new to the whole writing world so yeah it'd be really helpful to hear your thoughts about this <3

Love you all, have a wonderful week beauties!

Warnings: none specifically for this chapter – age gap.

WC: 6.6k

Masterlist

Y/N was tired, to say the least.

And it wasn’t the tiredness she used to feel after a long work shift at her previous job -where her boss was an old, grumpy lady with horrible manners- or the exhaustion felt after spending hours crying due to a fight with her mother. No, this was different. It was a tiredness she couldn’t get rid of; a tiredness no lavender smelling bath or hours upon hours of sleep could amend.

She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment her brain shifted in such a drastic way. Y/N could easily recognize and admit her life had never been an exciting one; a memorable one. Ever since she was a little girl it all seemed to fly by; graduations, birthdays, friendships – nothing ever seemed to leave an impact and nothing ever seemed as exciting as everyone else put it to be. She knew she struggled with allowing herself to enjoy things, but this far her life had been pretty average.

Maybe it was the fact that she was 22 years old and never been in a real relationship what skyrocketed her fear of dying alone. Now, she knew it might seem exaggerated – 22 years wasn’t a long life at all, but the pungent emptiness she’d been feeling felt like her inevitable destiny – like that’s how life was supposed to be for her.

England felt different, though. But in all honesty, her emotions hadn’t had switched into completely different ones like she’d expected to happen when she applied for this job as an Au Pair all the way back in February.

With a steaming hot cup of coffee between her cold hands, she sat down next to Coco (a very soft grey Scottish Fold) on the giant couch of her new home, scratching in between his tiny ears earning a low purr in response. Coco had become one of her closest friends so far, along with Anya, a three year old girl with cute blonde locks and a laugh so contagious it made the muscles on your cheeks ache after a long playdate.

Maybe moving away wasn’t the smartest choice. It actually might be one of the stupidest choices she had ever made, actually – moving all the way across the globe when she cried herself to sleep most nights due to her loneliness overcoming her (almost inexistent) self-awareness. Y/N liked to believe she had a wide understanding of her emotions, but it was a blatant lie.

At least she was distracted for most of the day – taking care of two kids and looking after a teenager wasn’t an easy task. It required a lot of mental presence; but by the time she was in bed at night, it all hit back again. She thought maybe this is how life is supposed to be for her, lonely – maybe it was not her brain playing her tricks but her brain making her see how her life truly was.

It’d been two weeks since the Lockehold family picked Y/N up from the airport, and on one side getting physically adjusted to this new life hadn't been as rough as she thought it’d be. She did have it easy, if she had to admit – a big room in a giant, beautiful home and a car to her disposal. Emotionally, on the other side, life was still the same.

She knew the moment she heard heels hitting the cold marble staircase Bella was on her way down with Ivy, the eldest of the three sisters, following close behind, complaining about a hangout she was apparently going to miss because they “are expecting a guest” as Bella announced, meaning neither of her parents could drive her. That’s how Y/N found herself sitting in her (borrowed) blue Jeep Renegade driving Ivy to her friend Lily’s house – who lived in the same rich, over-the-top neighborhood as her guest family, which meant the ride to and back was no longer than twenty minutes. During those minutes together, though, Y/N could physically feel the irritation running through Ivy’s blood because first, she still wasn’t too fond of Y/N because she is 16 and doesn’t need a babysitter -her words, not Y/N’s- and second, Y/N is still not accustomed to driving on the other side of the road.

Technically, Y/N had the weekends off. Living with the same people who employed her gladly didn’t mean working 24/7, but she hoped she could earn a couple of points in her favor if she took her free time to drive her around.

After a short conversation between the two (where Ivy refused to save Y/N’s number in case an emergency came up because she could always call her dad), Y/N dropped her off and drove back to the Lockehold’s. What caught her off guard, was the sight of someone in the driveway at the house next door getting suitcases out of the trunk of a black cab – there hadn’t been any movement in the old Victorian mansion since she’d moved in next door. A man, definitely very tall, dressed in a dark suit is all Y/N could decipher since it was already dark outside and she had to strictly concentrate on not switching to the opposite side of the road out of habit.

Alex was coming down the stairs when Y/N locked the front door – Bella’s husband was a very handsome man for his age, probably anyone could admit it. He was kind of scary sometimes, but was a true sweetheart on the inside; he’s in his mid-40’s and it was clear as day his family meant everything to him, he even treated Y/N like his own daughter, always making sure she’s comfortable and inviting her to most family hangouts – even though Y/N declined pretty often to allow them to have quality time as a family (and because being too socially involved drained her, but they needn’t have to know that)

“You wanna join us for dinner? We have a guest tonight. A family friend.”

“Oh, no, I'm good, you guys enjoy yourselves. I’ll say hello, though.” Y/N replied with a smile; and as before mentioned, even though she had the weekends to herself, they still loved to insist on her joining them for fancy dinners and whatnot. The Lockehold’s loved being hostesses, loved having people around (from what Y/N learned this past two weeks) but she really wanted -and needed- some time for herself after being with them the entire week, and even though she loved hanging out with them, she just wasn’t in the mood tonight.

“You sure? Bella made homemade pasta, from scratch. Her specialty.” Mouthwatering, Y/N thought. Bella was such an amazing cook, and even though she worked hours upon hours every day, she still came to her husband and kids in time to make dinner every night, not missing a single day.

“Sounds delicious, but I think I’ll pass, I’m just really tired.” And before anyone could make another comment, the loud bell ringing through the main floor of the house startled Y/N as it’s louder than ordinary – and sounded kind of old and creepy, in her opinion. By the time the constant thud in her chest lowered to a normal speed, she could recognize Bella’s voice in the foyer, meaning she was the one who received their guest, with a deep voice following after saying 'thank you for having me'.

"He's here!" Alex clasped his hands together, a wide smile appearing in his face. Y/N followed him into the living room where Bella was already chatting animatedly with a man; tall and with broad shoulders (but not excessively; just the right amount) his figure was leaning slightly forward as he listened to Bella rambling about all the 'good things he had missed while he was away'. His hands were clasped on his back and when he lifted his head, he made direct eye contact with Y/N without even having to search for her eyes. His brown curls were perfectly placed on top of his head looking extremely soft, and when he ran his hand through it Y/N couldn’t help but swallow harshly. He undoubtedly looked like someone who belonged in Hollywood next to a young Leo DiCaprio and he was definitely older than Y/N – probably already in his 30's, she guessed, but ageing like the finest wine. He had the softest looking wrinkles in the corners of his eyes – those eyes, forest green; reminded Y/N of what used to be home for her. His intense gaze held a lot of emotion, a lot of thought, unlike his face, that appeared stiff and cold, with a slight crease between his brows. His pink, heart-shaped lips were pressed in a line, a cute mole adorning one side of his chin.

"Harry! It's so good to see you, we've missed you." Alex's excitement forced him to drift his gaze away from Y/N, leaving her like a heated teenager salivating for him. Y/N honestly thought he might had left her speechless and most likely with increasing probabilities to make a fool out of herself if someone needed her to talk, as she was certain she wouldn't be able to formulate any coherent sentences.

Harry. It totally suited him, Y/N repeated his name a couple of times inside her head to check on its pronunciation. Alex reached him and pulled him in a big hug, patting each other's back, and Harry's lips broke into a huge smile making a line of pearly white teeth appear. And dimples. God, he had dimples.

This is how I die, Y/N thought.

"So good to see you, Alex." If sex was a sound, his voice would definitely be it.

"Your skin is glowing, Harry. Italy always does you wonders." Bella gushed. And she was right – his skin had this beautiful golden undertone, but it looked natural and radiant, almost like the sun itself kissed and caressed his skin with the softest touches. Alex snapped Y/N into reality when he turned to face her and grabbed her hand to pull her closer to them, starting a long introduction no one was paying much attention to, explaining how he’d missed her arrival, like he even cared, and how she was the Au Pair they’d all been talking about ever since February. It wasn’t until Alex mentioned something about Y/N and Harry probably seeing each other a lot she was suddenly interested in what was actually going on.

“He owns the school the girl’s attend.” Alex directed towards her. Now, Y/N assumed the moment she laid eyes on him he was probably rich – who wears a suit to a Sunday dinner with friends? Rich people are weird, that’s something we can all agree on; but owning a school which’s monthly fees per kid were worth three of her salaries? That was quite unexpected.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Harry." Y/N offered him her hand, trying to sound as casual as possible, even if her skin felt like it was burning under his intense gaze and her eyes were definitely betraying her.

"The pleasure’s all mine, Y/N." He shook her hand. His strong hold sent shivers down her spine; the cold rings making a big contrast against the heat his hand radiated and she couldn't help but fantasize about how his touch would feel in some other places.

The sudden embarrassment feeling hot against her cheeks made her turn around impossibly faster, feeling guilty at the dirty thoughts consuming her brain while around her bosses – and in front of him. Making a beeline straight to her room, announcing she was calling it a night, she sent Harry a quick -but quite charming- smile, and couldn’t help but soften at the sound of Anya running down the stairs yelling an excited ‘Harryyyy’ once she was past the kitchen.

She knew she got lucky with her commodities – an entire studio-like apartment past the main kitchen of the house, where the servant’s area used to be located a handful of decades ago; but she cussed in a whisper when she remembered half way through her making of a sandwich (four hours after she’d retreated to her bedroom and because she decided on skipping dinner that night, not having enough energy to cook) that her lazy ass still hadn’t bought mayonnaise. Her small kitchen had enough space to hold her snacks, along with some ingredients to make a few meals, since she only had to worry about food on the weekends. Reluctantly, she took the small plate holding her sandwich and made her way towards the main kitchen. There was no way in hell she’d eat a sandwich with no mayo – never in a million years, too dry to go down her throat.

I guess they won't mind if I grab just enough to put on my sandwich, she thought. The house was quiet, everyone probably already in bed, therefore she almost pissed herself when she found Harry sitting in one of the kitchen stools, looking down at his phone with an annoyed expression adorning his face. Almost as if he could sense someone was in the same room, he looked up to find Y/N standing at the kitchen threshold, his face abandoning any sort of emotion.

"Hey."

"Hi." Y/N walked towards the fridge on the far right of the kitchen, opposite from where she came in. "Sorry, I thought no one was here."

"Don't worry, just waiting for Bella and Alex to come back down to have some tea, they're putting the girls to sleep. Would you like to join us?" He offered. And honestly, she'd love to say yes and just listen to him talk with that deep, melodic voice, but her stomach was really hating her right now.

"I'm good, just grabbing some mayo. Thank you, though." She declined with a small smile.

"Next time." He sounded more demanding than suggesting, which slightly baffled Y/N. "Can I ask where you are from?" He asked respectfully.

"A small town in the Argentine Patagonia." Y/N replied with her back facing him as she busied herself with the mayonnaise container.

"Never been to Argentina. Or anywhere in South America, actually." And when Y/N turned around, sandwich in hand ready to go back to her room, their eyes met across the kitchen and she felt the heat creeping up her neck for the second time that night. Y/N wondered how his gaze was always this intense – she wasn’t a fan of how they’d barely exchanged a few words and somehow she felt so exposed.

"You should. It's beautiful." She almost, almost, choked on her own words and when she looked down at her fuzzy pink socks and back to him to try and calm her growing nerves down, he surprised her when she caught him looking up and down her body – in any other case she definitely would’ve felt creeped out, but there was something about him, the fact that he definitely didn’t do it with the intention of her catching him (she noticed how he shifted uncomfortably on his seat after the exchange) and how he simply added a “I’m sure it is," afterwards, she knew she was fucked right then and there – she wanted him looking at her. Was that something bad?

But then – then she remembered how she was wearing her soft cotton pajamas, and she began wondering if he was just laughing internally at her outfit instead of checking her out like she initially thought. And just like a save from heaven, Bella and Alex appeared in the kitchen discussing who was picking Ivy up from her friend's house. "Hi Y/N, still awake?"

"Yeah, got hungry. Stole a bit of mayo, hope you don't mind." She shyly held the plate up.

"Please, this is your house too." Alex waved her off.

"Thanks. Gonna go back now." Y/N pointed towards the small hallway that led to her room. "Goodnight." Turning her body to walk away, she caught Harry's eyes, again, still staring at her, but decided on simply walking away, breaking eye contact, making that small interaction their last one for the night.

The following week consisted of Anya and Y/N playing lots of fun games, trying to get a word out of Charlie and Ivy ignoring her for the most part. Her relationship with each of them was completely different, each trusting her at their own peace, getting used to having a stranger around. Anya seemed the only one openly excited to hang out with Y/N every day, and even though she could tell Charlie didn't exactly mind her presence, she still hadn't talked to her as much as she'd like her to.

"What are you up to, Charlie?" Y/N asked the seven year old as she sat next to her in the big playroom they had on the main floor. Charlie kept her gaze locked on her drawing with a handful of crayons on her right hand as she drew with her left. "You're left handed? That's so cool!" Bella had mentioned some time ago that Charlie had a really hard time letting people in, Y/N knew it'd take some time for her to see her as a friend -like she wanted her to- rather than someone who gets paid to hang out with her, but Bella confessed Charlie was actually really excited to meet Y/N, which felt like a small relief, knowing she actually wanted her there – unlike Ivy. Charlie spoke only when necessary and struggled with making friends but her psych pedagogue said she's just really shy and that ‘once she breaks out of her shell, she's unstoppable’. "I love the birds you drew here." Y/N pointed at some small birds sitting in a tree branch.

"Bluebirds." She murmured.

Getting a single word from her was considered progress, in Y/N’s opinion, but that’s all she got for the entire afternoon – even after constantly sending comments her way while playing with Anya so Charlie wouldn’t feel left out, not a single word came out of her mouth. Anya mentioned Harry at some point while talking about her favorite doll (which Harry had gifted her for her 3rd birthday) and the flash of captivating green eyes almost blinded her internally (she couldn’t deny she’d thought about Harry every once in a while this past week)

And it wasn’t until later that same day, after spending a long while sitting alone in a nearby park, she got the chance to see him again – even if he had scared her (almost) to death, she couldn’t help but feel an annoying flutter in her stomach.

She would like to say she loved her long walks during the most unreasonable times at night, but her reasoning behind her late night needs of distraction didn’t exactly thrill her. It was during the quietest and most peaceful times of the day when her mind seemed to speed faster than ever before; the sleepless nights and brain-wrecking thinking of how alone and empty she actually felt, along with the laziness and reluctance when it came to things that used to make her happy weighed her down like carrying a sack of potatoes on her back.

As she was walking past her neighbor's house (the one where she had seen that man with the suitcases last week) she noticed someone sitting on the large porch. Weird, she thought. She hadn't noticed any movement in the house since that night a week ago, to the point she even considered it being empty again. The silhouette seemed oddly familiar though she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

"Y/N." She slightly jumped as she heard them call for her, in a strong and deep accent. Was that...

"Harry?" She asked befuddled. Did he live there? She watched as he stood up from his sitting position on the outdoor couch and walked across his front yard to take a closer look at him stopping at the bottom of the short staircase that leads to the porch. "What are you doing up so late?" And then something clicked in her brain – he was probably the man she saw that night, with his suitcases. It made sense, how he probably got home from vacation the same day he had dinner at the Lockehold's – the same day Bella mentioned something about him being in Italy

"Can't sleep." He simply replied, with a small sigh. He then nodded to the seat behind him, and Y/N could physically feel her brain going a thousand miles per minute. She sat on the far left of the couch as he retook his seat on the right, "what are you doing up so late?" He repeated her question.

And Y/N repeated his answer. "Can't sleep."

So they sat in silence, what felt like hours barely being a few seconds. "Didn't know you lived next door." Y/N took the time to take in his side profile - sharp and long nose, the tip curving slightly downwards when he spoke the next line.

"Never mentioned it." He replied apathetically. The unexpected switch in his tone made her immediately shut up, and even though it confused Y/N as to why he would want her joining him if he didn't want to talk, she was dreading going back to her room alone to drown in her thoughts again. She'd take uncomfortable company over being alone when her head got like this, it helped her get distracted; overthinking this situation instead of the same scenarios that constantly lived in her head.

They again sat in silence for a while, this time for longer than a few minutes, and even though it was slightly uncomfortable, there was an unspoken understanding between them. He just wanted company, and so did she. This time, however, it was him who tried for conversation. "Why did you choose England for your Au Pair program?"

"I was actually convinced I was going to choose France," Y/N shared with a soft tone, "but when I met the girls in one of my interviews I just knew I had to come here. Anya was so excited about meeting me, she thought it was already settled." She ended with a small smile on her lips. The memory of Anya smiling happily at her through the computer screen even when she hadn't had met her yet warming her heart.

It was true, the fact that she’d chosen England because of the girls. She wanted to learn French – she knew her way around the English language pretty well; but the French family whom interviewed her didn’t come close to the Lockehold’s at all – she thought maybe the experience of living in a whole different continent with a wonderful family was better than choosing a place because of the language – the experience was being experienced either way.

"Anya is a very special kid. They all are." Harry declared, the left corner of his mouth turning upwards in a small half smile.

Y/N nodded slowly before asking, "How long have you known them?" She could recall Alex saying he was a family friend – but she had no other information about him besides that.

"A while." The small conversation went for a long while, he shared the real reason as to why he was awake so late, explaining how he has struggled with falling asleep ever since he was young, but besides that comment, he kept his life very private; not sharing much information about himself during their chat, and every time Y/N reciprocated a question, he would either answer vaguely or didn't answer at all, changing the subject with another question. "It's really late" He commented, Y/N’s phone reading 1:08am.

"Yeah, I should probably go to bed." She lifted her head to look at him, who was already searching for her eyes. Y/N cleared her throat when a few moments passed by, again, with no one speaking a word. She wondered what could possibly be going through his head at the time, but he nodded, got up and said, "I'll see you around, Y/N." Her name flowed so nicely out of his lips it made her knees get weak. Locking herself in her bedroom (after entering it by the door at the side of the house – which leaded straight to her room) she laid in bed trying to understand why they’d just hang out in his front porch way past midnight when they clearly didn’t know each other very well – or at all, better said.

First day of classes came by in a heartbeat. The first Monday of September Y/N found herself getting up earlier than she was accustomed to, since the girl's sleeping schedule was different during the summer. 6:15am read her alarm when she lazily threw the soft covers off her body. A quick shower and minimal makeup application later, she stood naked next to her bed checking the weather app, as to know how to prepare the girl's clothes.

After putting a soft pink sweater on and a pair of flared jeans, Y/N left the warmth of her room to wake the girls up. Going for Charlie first (since she didn't need any help changing into her uniform and Ivy used her own alarm) she didn't give Y/N any work at all, waking up immediately after softly calling her name once. Picking her uniform from her closet and leaving it for her to change, Y/N left Charlie’s room to walk towards the next door.

"Morning, Anya." She whispered as she brushed some of her hair out of her face. Anya’s little nose scrunched up and a soft whimper left her mouth as she switched positions, now laying on her side, "gotta wake up, love." Y/N shook her arm softly, and she finally opened her eyes, a tired smile creeping up her face as she noticed it was Y/N sitting next to her. Y/N left her to rub the tiredness off her eyes while she picked her clothes (since her daycare was at the same school her older sister's attended -Harry's school, Y/N couldn't help but think- her uniform consisted of only a white t-shirt with the school logo along with any pair of bottoms she chose for the day.

After picking up her cute small rain boots and help her get dressed up, Y/N did a cute hairstyle on her with the small butterfly hair clips she chose, and went back to Charlie's room to do her hair, Anya coming along.

They arrived at their school; a big, period-like brick building with hundreds of students roaming around and a beautiful fountain at the front – which actually made Y/N’s childhood look like a big joke; the school she had attended was located in the middle of the mountains in a remote field.

"I'll be here at two thirty. Good luck, girls, I'll see you later." Ivy walked away sending a 'mhm' her way to let her know she heard her, and Charlie offered a small smile along with a wave and walked away like her sister. Y/N took Anya off her car seat and helped her get out of the car, her tiny backpack sitting on Y/N’s right shoulder as she grabbed the hand Anya offered her.

"Mommy said I have the penguins' classroom!" She said with excitement as they walked through the doors at the right wing of the building.

"That's so cool! I love penguins, let's search for the door which has penguins on it, shall we?" Y/N suggested even though she could clearly see their door at the end of the hallway.

"Yes! This one has elephants," she pointed at the door they were passing, "look, butterflies!"

"Like your hairclips!" Y/N exclaimed, and she giggled nodding her head. "Ah! Look what we found..." Y/N pointed at the next door.

"Penguins!" She skipped towards the door, dragging Y/N along. They entered the big and colorful classroom where they found some kids crying in their parent’s arms, others being as excited as Anya.

"Hi there! Anya, am I correct?" A woman who appeared to be around Y/N’s age came up to them, scrunching down to be on Anya’s eye level. She nodded frantically, excitement dripping from her smile. "My name is Miss Pia, I'm going to be your teacher this year." She introduced herself, Anya gave her an even bigger smile and slyly asked if she could go meet her classmates, to which Miss Pia agreed, asking her to first hang her small backpack in the rack at the back of the room, taking it from my hands and running excitedly to do it.

"You must be Y/N, then?" Miss Pia asked, getting back up to her feet. She was short with blonde curly hair sitting high in a ponytail, rosy cheeks and a cute teacher apron on top of her regular clothes.

"I am." Y/N offered her hand.

"The administration office said we would be having an Au Pair this year, they always give us a heads up with situations like these." She explained, and Y/N nodded as she continued, "we have the parents, nannies or in this case, Au Pairs," they both laughed," stay for the introduction, you can leave afterwards."

"Perfect, I'll sit at the back with the rest of the parents." Y/N ended up staying for about half an hour, smiling at Anya every time she turned to search for her when something exciting seemed to be happening. She won't be needing any adaptation, as Miss Pia said, and she was dismissed right before they had their first trip to the playground outside, taking advantage of the fact that it hadn't started raining yet.

Right when Y/N was walking out of the building, she spotted Harry at the main entrance, reading something on his phone. He was wearing a navy blue suit with a white shirt underneath, and he looked even more handsome in the daylight. She made her way towards him, walking up the marble stairs (marble stairs! In a school?), and when he noticed her, he put his phone away and slowly (and trying to be as discrete as possible – which he failed to, again) looked up and down her body. Something about him giving her his full attention made her insides burn, and she couldn’t help but bit her bottom lip to suppress a smile.

"Hi." She stopped in front of him, taking a moment to look at his eyes; they definitely looked a lot lighter now that there was natural light surrounding them.

"Hi." He repeated, "Dropped the girl's off?" He motioned towards the building with his head.

"Yes, just left Anya’s classroom." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"Miss Pia?" He asked, squinting his eyes.

"Yes. She's nice, looks like she knows what she's doing." Y/N shrugged. She didn't exactly know her enough to have a conversation about her – and she most definitely couldn’t be one to talk, since she herself didn’t know what she was doing half of the time. “How’s the first day back been so far?” He got cut off from his next comment by his phone, and the small crease between his eyebrows grew deeper, which didn’t go unnoticed by Y/N. "I'll leave you to it." She announced, but his eyes found hers again, and it was almost like he was asking for her to not leave him to it, but Y/N didn’t trust her instincts, not with him – not when he made her so nervous her brain couldn’t process things around him, and she was scared of misreading his expressions; he was hard to read. Not like she was expert at reading people but he was frustratingly confusing.

They didn't see each other again until a week later on a Tuesday evening – the same day Charlie, Anya and her decided to go for a walk and treat themselves with ice cream from a cute shop across from (what had come to be) her favorite park, Harry and Y/N found each other's eyes across his front garden, just like that night, but this time it was easy for her to recognize him as she could see his face clear and glowing from the sunset shine. His eyes were glued to her until the fence that divided their houses blocked his view, and again, Y/N wondered what could be going through his head.

It wasn’t until after dinner, past her work hours, she decided to leave the house through the door on her room with the sparking curiosity to test if she would run into Harry. Stopping on the sidewalk in front of his house, she noticed he was not sitting outside, and even though that's exactly what she had expected -he was not going to sit there for hours and hours, right?- There still was a small feeling of disappointment that rushed through her, and when she snapped back into reality, it was too late to stop herself as she knocked on his front door.

And Y/N didn’t know where to hide – not like hiding would be less embarrassing but God she did hate herself that moment. The embarrassment running through her veins was painful and made her lightheaded – she knew she had trouble sometimes with not thinking things through, but this was beyond her. He barely knew her. And suddenly his door was wide open.

"Y/N?" Of course she was not lucky enough for him to be asleep and not hearing her knock – life would’ve been too in her favor for that to happen. Of course he was very awake with a half drank cup of tea in his hand and the softest looking pair of grey sweatpants hanging low on his hips. "Are you ok? You look really pale." His voice was calm, probably the softest it'd ever been in her presence. At least he doesn't sound mad, Y/N thought.

Harry wanted to be confused, but he was more curious than anything else. For some reason, he felt very intrigued by Y/N – how she seemed confident but insanely insecure at the same time; it reminded him of himself, if he had to be honest. He just learned how to hide the latter.

"Uh, yeah- um, I was-" she nervously turned around halfway to look behind her and back at him again. He raised his eyebrows in curiosity and Y/N really tried her hardest not to step over her words. "I was about to go for a walk, uh, I was wondering if you'd like to join me?" Stupid. So, so stupid, Y/N thought.

"No, I'm good." He replied, finding oh-so-amusing the way her eyes gave her embarrassment away – he was having fun, watching her like a lost puppy trying to think through her next words.

Her mind was, of course, over speeding. She now felt even more embarrassed. Of course he doesn't want to go for a walk, Y/N conscience spoke to her, it's a Tuesday night and he's probably tired and I'm his friends' Au Pair – he probably thinks I'm this young and annoying girl who has a stupid crush and- "would you like to join me?" He interrupted her self-beating up raising his cup and she noticed the half smile adorning his face, almost like he could tell the wheels in her brain were fast-moving.

"Wouldn't want to interrupt-"

"You're not. I wouldn't have invited you in if you were. C'mon in, now. It's kinda cold out here." He disappeared inside of his house, leaving her on his porch with an open mouth and a blank brain. After closing the door behind her and taking her black vans off, she turned on her left as she guessed that was the way Harry went – and she knew she’d guessed correctly when she stepped into a big open-plan concept living room with a giant kitchen on the far back, Harry standing with his back towards her preparing her tea, "sugar?"

"No, thank you." She sat in one of the stools at the kitchen island as she took the scene in front of her. Her very cute (and much older), very hot neighbor Harry, in sweatpants and a very thin white shirt, a small patch of skin showing on his hip, making her tea. His shoulders were broad and she could see his back muscles moving as he poured steaming hot water into the cup, the little curls on his neck so inviting, if only she could run her hand through his soft looking hair just once-

"There you go. Cardamom." He snapped her out of her (probably inappropriate) thoughts, and she thanked him as she grabbed the cup from where he placed it; he stayed in his position standing in front of her on the other side of the island, with his forearms against the cold marble, sipping on his own mug, thinking about how strange it felt to have someone he wasn’t close with sitting in his kitchen after so long. "Why are you up so late?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"I figured. I couldn't either, looks like we both have a bit of sleeping issues, huh?" He sounded playful, but tired. Y/N knew exactly how it felt, being so tired but not being able to peacefully go to bed and get some needed rest.

"I remember you mentioning it before, I figured I'd check if you were up. Walking helps me relax, thought maybe you'd enjoy it too." OK, that wasn't entirely true but her reasoning to be there was quite similar – to check if he was up so they could, maybe, share a quiet night like that one a few weeks ago. None of them understood why they found such comfort in each other’s company – none of them felt like they needed to try too hard.

At some point during their conversation they moved to the couch, where they laid with a wide gap between their bodies. "Elton John's was definitely an interesting read. Lots of crazy anecdotes, you should read it."

"Probably not as good as Keith's, but I'll give it a go." He let a dimpled smile creep into his face, turning his head to look at her from across the couch and the annoying turn her stomach made obliged her to return it, just as bright as his. Finding out their music taste was quite similar made Y/N’s insides all warm and fuzzy, he showed her his vinyl collection (which was quite large) and ranted about how the modern industry was missing a rock star with some of that unexplainable essence old rock bands have – to which she respond saying maybe that something that makes them special was the fact that they were old bands... added to the fact that even though she was an old music lover, modern pop was her guilty pleasure.

Their third teacups were long forgotten on the modern coffee table by the time he noticed Y/N’s eyes were slowly beginning to close and he, as last time, said, "it's really late." And Y/N only nodded and tiredly got up from her position, with him following close behind.

"Goodnight, Harry. Thank you for having me even though I came unannounced." She shyly said, her actions still making her embarrassed even though it had already been a couple of hours.

"My pleasure. We should- do this again," He coughed into his hand, and uncomfortably continued, "I enjoy your company." That sentence alone made her heart explode with a thousand emotions, because even though they barely knew each other and it clearly pained him to admit he enjoyed having her around, his presence made her calm but anxious in a peculiar mixture of emotions. All she did in return was gift him a big smile, face hot of embarrassment (a nice kind of embarrassment, that feeling when you just want to smile really big and tightly hug whoever is making you feel that way) and slowly pushed herself up on her tiptoes to give him a sweet kiss on the cheek. "Bye." He said lastly, and closed his front door with red cheeks and dimples on display.

- Joey.

#AP #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles smut #age!gap harry #my writing

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peanut-butter-parkerxx · 3 years

Text

comfort

Peter just wants to lay down with you but there's something that kinda makes him uncomfortable and you try to confront him about it...

Pairing: Peter Parker x fem!reader

Status: dating

Warning: mentions of bra's

Y/n's POV

I was laying on peters bed liking the tiktoks that I thought were funny and saving the ones I wanna do for later when Peter suddenly opens the door mumbling a few incoherent words then I can tell he sensed me since he looked up so quickly, eyes wide open and a small smile, getting bigger by the second, appeared on his lips.

"Babyyyyyy" he quickly took his shoes and jacket off and flopped on the bed his head resting on my stomach while his arms hugged my lower belly.

"Oof" I laughed since he basically jumped on me, he looked up resting his chin on my stomach

"I'm sorry did I hurt you y/n/n?" He whispered voice as soft as butter

"No it didn't hurt, it was just unexpected" I smiled playing with his soft hair "come closer, I wanna hug you" I made grabby hands and he just laughed, resting his head on my chest now, hugging my waist his legs were between mine so I crossed them around his middle and wrapped my arms around his neck kissing his head once in a while

He shifted a couple of times, making me think he's just trying to get comfortable so I ignored it, but he shifted again and silently huffed. He gave in for a few minutes then lifted his head up again to peck my lips and lay next to me.

I got very confused coz usually I'd have to make him move but he's never done this before, it made me kinda sad to be honest. Did I do something wrong? Omg do I smell bad? Does my shirt smell bad?

At first I didn't say anything since he looked unbothered and I was anything but that, I mean if you think about it, would you like your boyfriend to randomly stop cuddling you for no reason and just lay beside you? Is he mad at me?

Our cuddles would last for hours! And this one didn't even last for 10 minutes! I turned around seeing him looking at his phone with his left hand and his other is draped around my waist

"So what do you wanna order, babe?" He looked up his brown eyes hopeful for food

"Oh uh" so he's not mad at me? "W-Whatever you w-want" I silently cursed at myself for being nervous, now he'll get suspicious. And in fact he did.

"Oookay? You okay bubba?" He tilted his head? Caressing my cheek for a moment before setting his gaze on his phone again to order some food

"Yeah yeah I'm fine, it's jus- nothing no I'm fine" He nodded slowly not really convinced but let it go, for now. He laid on his side, his right hand supporting his body, leaned in and kissed me. As a way to make sure that I'm not mad at him or anything. I obviously kissed back not wanting to seem more suspicious than I already was.

He pulled away smiling, his eyes adoring my face. I would be a psycho if I didn't smile from that look.

"Ok well I'll go set up the ingredients so we can make brownies after, sounds good?" I only nodded still smiling. But that didn't convince him so he started kissing my forehead down to my nose to my lips a couple times making me laugh.

"Ok ok! We're gonna make brownies" i verbally agreed this time. He nodded happily and left the room, all the doubt I had were long gone.

The food arrived to our luck and we stuffed our face with the delicious hot meal, Peter also got my favorite drink AND were about to make brownies so to say I was happy was an understatement.

"OOOH GIRL YOU'RE SHINING" I was mixing the brownie batter swaying my hips to the song 'classic' by MKTO, while Peter took my spatula and used it as a microphone running around the kitchen singing his heart out

"LIKE THE FIFTH AVENUE DIAMONDDD" he pointed at me and I laughed "AND THEY DONT MAKE YOU LIKE THEY USED TO, YOURE NEVER GOING OUT OF STYLEEE" he shook his head as if he's confirming the lyrics and we continued on well, I continued on finishing the brownies

but Peter did make an effort, he sprayed the pan and sprinkled the chocolate chips. And he said and I quote he did "the most important parts for making a brownie"

"I WANNA THRILL YOU LIKE MICHEAL" he made the thriller dance moves while sprinkling the chocolate chips "I WANNA KISS YOU LIKE PRINCE" he turned around trapping me between him and the counter behind me, grabbed me by the back of my neck and kissed me until the chorus came in. And i couldn't contain my laughter by the sudden energy my boyfriend got from the food.

"YOURE OVER MY HEAD, IM OUTTA MY MIND. THINKIN' I WAS BORN AT THE WRONG TIME" he suddenly pulled away belting the rest of the song "BABY YOURE SO CLASSIC" we both sung together after he stopped me from putting the pan in the oven claiming its 'too dangerous' and he doesn't want me to get hurt, i mean can you blame him? I'm a totally clutz.

"Ok so why don't we watch something while we're waiting for the brownies?" He suggested putting on the timer.

"Sure" I suddenly jumped on his back (but he still caught me) waiting for him to go to the living room. He laughed at the sudden clinginess (he lovedddd it) and walked out of the kitchen. "TO INFINITY AND BEYONDDDD" he shouted sprinting to the living room. And I squealed from the sudden movement.

"Take the remote, babe" he turned so I can take the remote from the shelf.

"Got it" then flopped us on the couch, causing us to laughed. The jump made me cuddle him as the big spoon while his back rested in my front as the little spoon. At first everything was okay, the first 10 minutes of our favorite show was watched at peace but then the shifting began again. Am I making him uncomfortable?

"Babe, what's wrong? You've been doing this everytime we're cuddling today?" I asked him, so done with the feeling I'm getting.

"Uhhh" but to my luck...

*dinggg*

the oven dinged alerting us that the brownies' finished "oh looks like our brownies are done I-I-I'll go get them!" He rushed to the kitchen and I huffed in annoyance.

The rest of the night went smoothly, but I still had the pang of guilt in my heart. I wanted to know what wrong. so enough is enough, I turned my attention away from series to my boyfriend.

"Pete?" He somehow sensed the hurt in my voice and immediately turned to my side cupping my cheeks

"Baby what wrong?" His eyes scanned my face

"N-Nothing it's just- am I uncomfortable?" I didn't know what to say but hopefully he got the message

"W-what? Why would you say that?" The tv was long gone now he caressed my checks with his thumb trying to soothe the tension

"Well, everytime we've been cuddling you'd shift away, I don't wanna sound clingy or anything but y-you've never done that before" suddenly feeling ashamed and embarrassed by question, I couldn't even look at him in the eye. His eyes widened in shock and his face was full of guilt

"Baby it's nothing I swear, you did nothing wrong. He pulled me in so I could sit on his lap, his hands caressed my jaw slightly admiring my features.

"Then what happened?" My voice croaked not believing him by the second.

"Well it's jus-" his cheeks suddenly became darker, the heat risen to the tip of his ears and on his neck. I was confused to why he suddenly got all flustered.

"Pete it's fine, you can tell me" I rested my forearm on his shoulders slightly touching the small hairs that are on the nape of his neck.

"N-no it's just uh ur b-bra is uncomfortable so I just decided to sleep next to y-you inste-ad" he squeaked out, eyes closing from embarrassment. Wait- what?

"What?" A small smile crept on my face, and my mind suddenly pieced everything together, the material of my shirt is rather thin, he hugged my stomach first then I told him to come closer, he shifted a couple times due to the wiring! Oh my god how could I be so stupid?

"Y-Your b-bra, there's nothing wrong with it and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or anything it's just, I didn't know they put metal on a piece of clothing?" He tilted his head confused.

"Yeah" I nodded laughing "well there's like a wiring around my chest like under my boobs" I showed him the area from his shirt. And I could tell he got even more flustered when I said 'boobs' coz his posture immediately stiffened again.

"We can talk about it pete it's fine, it's normal to communicate in what make you uncomfortable, in fact it's important!" I assured him

"Well I just thought you'd get more comfortable if you were wearing it and if I say something you'd have to take it off or something" he looked down at his lap, I could not believe this boy, he'd think I'd purposely wear a bra even if I didn't have to?

"Believe me, if I didn't have to wear this 'thing' I wouldn't, it's hurts so much at the end of the day since the wiring basically suffocates you" his eyes shot up immediately when he heard 'hurt' and tilted his head.

"Then why would you wear it if it hurts you?" Now it was my turn to get flustered

"Uhh well I just thought maybe you'd get uncomfortable" I nervously laughed

"No no Baby I want you to be nothing but comfortable around me, you don't have to wear you're bra infront of me or when we're hanging out. I looked at him lovingly, proud of how he handled the situation, respectfully and kindly. I leaned in so our lips could briefly touch and mumbled a

"Thanks Pete"

"You're welcome" he replied "now please kiss me" I laughed at his eagerness but Peter didn't have any of it and smashed our lips together.

"Wanna get ready for bed?" He slowly pulled away but right after the words left his mouth he kissed me again

"Yes" we finally pulled away, for real this time. And went or his bedroom. I was already wearing sweats and the thin t-shirt so I was ready to go. Peter came out of the bathroom now in his flannel sweats and a grey t-shirt flopping on the bed and taking me with him. I squealed trying to stop the fall but obviously failing. I stood up again trying to find my bag causing Peter to whine.

"Baaaaabe where are you going?" He whined

"Taking off my bra so we can cuddle, I missed our cuddles since you couldn't give me any today" I fake pouted, taking the bra off and putting it in my backpack. Peter cheeks turned red again turning his head immediately after looking at my laced black bra.

"You okay there hun?" I smirked at his flustered state

"Y-yeah everything's great" he shook his head and grabbed me again, turning us around so he can lay on my stomach

"Better?" I whispered my hands immediately going to his luscious curls.

"Much" he kissed the exposed part of my stomach and covered both of our bodies with his duvet. "I love you" he closed his eyes sighing in content

"I love you too" I replied although I'm not sure he listened since immediately after he talked I heard little snores from him. Finally closing my eyes feeling nothing, but pure happiness.

Idk what this is but I thought of it yesterday and decided to try and make it come to life 😂 tell me ur thoughts! And if u have any requests my inbox is always open :)

Have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening/night!

-quacksonlover

#spiderman #peter parker x fem #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker #peter parker fluff #mcu #marvel #sony pictures #imagines #peter parker x reader #fluff #peter #parker #avengers

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yourstargazing · 2 years

Note

could you tell me more about how NFTs are screwing over people in SEA specifically? i tried looking it up but everything i found was talking about SEA jumping on the crypto "bandwagon" and general positive press no matter what i searched. any sources you know of are fine too. you can ignore me if you don't feel like getting into it, no pressure.

Okay! Thank you for your patience! I had a lot going on and it took longer than I wanted to compile some research. Anyways. More under the cut.

I literally started looking into this the day before ep 7 dropped because I was watching the now pretty internet famous video about Crypto/NFTs that can be found here. If you don't know a ton about crypto then I recommend watching this first. Yeah it's two hours long, but it also spends a lot of time going into depth about why, how, and who. In short: rich people wanna get richer and are preying on people with disposable income. Wow. Shocker.

But that's not what you asked about. You asked about how this affects SEA. Disclaimer: I don't have firsthand experience with this. I don't live in Asia and am not from there. I am mostly just compiling data I've been collecting while researching NFTs for a writing project. And also I really love researching.

Okay. Let's look at Thailand specifically since that's what I was referencing in the post you responded to. I'm going to link two articles from the Financial Times. These are great for a quick look at the current conversation about economy and crypto and covid.

In short: The Thai economy is in dire straits. COVID killed the tourism industry and left a giant gap in the GDP. People are dying, but as we've seen globally, no one really cares except when it affects the economy. So. Naturally this is an environment ripe for taking advantage of. There's a LOT of foreign investment in crypto markets in SEA which all looks really sketch, especially because while doing research I couldn't really find any use for crypto outside of play-to-earn games which I'll talk about later. So far it just sounds like empty promises and investors taking advantage of cheap real estate and labor in habitually exploited countries.

Now, maybe you're thinking investing is good so why is this bad? That's because there's no evidence that crypto helps build infrastructure or has any impact on the lives of normal people. It currently functions more like unregulated stocks than actual currency.You can't use it to buy groceries or send your kids to school. You can’t use it to buy things for daily use. How is any of this going to actually benefit the people of Thailand?

Well. The government had an idea. The GDP has a massive hole where tourism used to be - what if we plug it up with taxes? Normal idea. The Thai government had to make a decision: do we raise VAT tax on imported goods which can range from electronics to groceries, or do we tax this cryptocrap? The answer was obvious. They announce a 15% tax on crypto transactions. Cue HUGE backlash. The tax has now been canceled. That money still needs to come from somewhere though, so I'm guessing in the coming weeks, the VAT tax will raise, effectively taxing the poor so the cryptocretins can continue to profit off their inane system while people starve.

But why did the gov't listen to these shits? because they have lots of money and keep insisting that they can jumpstart the economy. please laugh with me as this asswipe promises a 600% GDP growth if only the government will invest in crypto! There's no substantial evidence to back up any of this. it's bold claims with no value. kinda like crypto.

There is a huge push by cryptocreeps to gain an appearance of validity and to do that they seek government support and investment from banking institutions, all of whom say this is a bad idea.

Now, let’s also talk about class and colonialism and its role in this (which is somehow missing from a lot of discussions about crypto)

One of the big pros of creepto tech is play-to-earn gaming. you play the crypto game, earn in-game money that can be converted to nft or crypto, and you can then convert that into real money. that's money that can like, feed families, keep lights on, send kids to school, but also give you a better life. allow you to buy things for fun and not be worrying all the time. to quote this totally not condescending gamemaker: “This levels the playing field for people to earn a good supplemental income in developing regions, such as Southeast Asia, without leaving their region to be a migrant worker in a more developed country.”

Wow, exploiting workers to pump your crypto is philanthropy now I guess.

There's also the whole thing with 'digital landlords' which is so painful. essentially games are so prohibitively expensive to start that people are 'scholarshiped' in. a wealthy person lends them the tokens they need in exchange for a cut of the profit. cool. my favorite part of real life is now in the metaverse. can you put my student loan debt there too?

Now, it's easy for people to say things like 'can't they get other jobs' or 'millions of others don't do this so why are they?' Because the economy is shit. There's a pandemic. People are dying at alarming rates. And this is a job that may seem relatively safe in the long run. if you have a computer and internet access at home, you don't have to risk covid. if your choices are playing a game at a computer room or working a dangerous manual labor job, is it really a question there?

Except, you know, none of these game devs understand markets and it's volatile and dangerous and could combust at any moment. Game economies aren't meant to function like a real economy because it makes the game boring and inaccessible. Axie, the most common in my research, has already had serious issues with this.

NFTs also give artists in Thailand access to a higher level of market than ever before, mostly because a lot of the people investing in crypto have a lot of disposable income and not a lot of well. sense. you've seen nfts. they are ugly as shit. but if you are an artist in a developing nation, those who are usually excluded from the high prestige of art markets because, like most things, it's very classist, white, and colonial, this is honestly a chance to change the game. and despite all of the REALLY bad reasons NOT to make nfts, that one is… kinda valid. crypto is fake, but the platform it stands to give artists who cosign to it isn't. you can hate cryptoshit and nfts and also recognize that it has some ability to help people.

kind of like how tawi is helping yok's mom earn a living.

#not me the series

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bravequackcathal · 3 years

Text

minific #3 time!! this ones abt laurice and elise meeting, its from Laurice's perspective

It was a cold, snowy day up on... whatever mountain this was. I had been wandering for a while now to find the perfect spot to sit down and try to do... art stuff. I had passed a weird temple earlier, but it kinda freaked me out so I paid it no mind.

Eventually, I stumbled across a little bridge, which seemed to be "Dusky Bridge" judging by the sign. I sat down and pulled out my sketchbook, along with my copy of Elise Deauxnim's The Magic Bottle, which inspired me to do this in the first place. I was a little nervous because I hadn't drawn in years, but-

"Excuse me? What are you doing out here all alone?" I jumped at the sudden voice from behind me.

"Uh, huh?" I whipped around, only to see a very kind-looking lady standing there.

"I asked what you're doing here all alone."

I stood up awkwardly, blushing a bit out of embarrassment. "Ah, well, I was just, uhm... Art stuff."

"Is that so?" She smiled softly, in a way that reminded me of...

Suddenly, I just started blabbing about every bad thing I had done. I couldn't help myself, she just seemed so- so motherly.

"Ah, uh, s-sorry about that. You just, um, reminded me of my mother... An' she always had me tell her that kinda stuff... S-sorry again." God, that was embarrassing.

"It's quite alright, dear. Say... I don't believe we've introduced each other."

"Oh, that's right! I'm Larry! ...Just Larry."

"It's nice to meet you, Larry. My name is Elise Deauxnim."

"...Wh-wh-WHAT?! You're THE Elise Deauxnim?! Th-the picture book artist?!"

"Ah, so you've heard of me?"

"I haven't just HEARD of you! I'm a huge fan! It's an honor to meet you, ma'am!"

I gleefully shook her hand, causing her to chuckle. "You sure seem excited."

"Of course I am! You're the reason I'm here with my art supplies and stuff in the first place!"

"...Really?"

"Yeah! I read your book The Magic Bottle and I was so inspired that I decided to go out into the mountains to draw 'cause the mountains are full off pretty stuff!"

"...Larry."

"Huh? Oh, sorry, am I talking too much again?"

"No, you're perfectly fine. I have an offer to make you?"

"H-huh? Really?"

"Since you seem to have been so inspired from me... What if I were to mentor you!"

"!! A-are you for real?!"

She nodded, "I am for real."

"Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou!" I exclaimed, running up and giving her a big hug. I knew this would be the start of a great new era for the man now known as Laurice Deauxnim.

...If only I knew how badly it would end.

#ehehe ominous ending #ANYWAYS *points* fambly #laurice deauxnim #elise deauxnim #ace attorney #larry butz

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the-fiction-witch · 3 years

Text

Blind Date p1

REAL LIFE

COUPLE TBS X READER

RATING ADORABLE AF

I sat with my friend luke as we had some coffee outside of a local london cafe.

"How's things with you and arthur?' I asked before having a sip of my tea

"Great got the ticket confirmations for our trip to south korea" he smiled

"Awesome" I laughed

"You have got to get back on the dating game"

"Eh, I like dating I just don't like the apps and stuff you know, tinder is just people looking for sex I want something more then two shags and another blocked number" I sighed

"You know I had this exact conversation with someone earlier" he laughs

"Luke I am not going out with Mikey so his parents think he's straight we've been over this"

"Not Mikey,"

"Who then?"

"A mate of mine, little older then you, into motorbikes, fits your aesthetic-"

"I don't need a boyfriend who fits my aesthetic"

"Don't you?"

"Shut up"

"And I was having this exact conversation with him this morning, he hates the Apps and wants to meet some nice girly for more then a fling"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, trust me dudes a boarded line technophobe" he says "I had to go over and show him why he kept getting instagram notifications"

Which made me giggle

"You see, how about I see what he's doing and arrange you two a little blind date?"

"I guess so Luke" I shrug

I sat at my vanity in my tights, bra and underwear, slowly taking my hair out each curler and brushing it down a little so the curls where not quiet so intense doing my make up nothing too heavy as it is first date and a blind date at that. Once I was done I got up and forced my heels onto my feet already hating it when my phone went off

Luke: hey hun, your date just left and is on his way to the restaurant have fun you too ;)

I slipped my dress on and packed my handbag slipping my Jacket over my shoulder,

Y/n: okay tell him I'm on my way, how will I know him?

I locked up my house and headed down the driveway as my phone went off again

Luke : he says he's waiting outside with a cigarette and a present for you

I was worried but I kept walking down the dark, half broken London streets, all I had to light my way was the street lamps and my phone as I followed the maps to the restaurant, the clicking of my heels against the pavement, the sounds of cars and buses rushing by, why did I wear these shoes? I hate these shoes. Why did I walk? Why didn't I just get a taxi? Ughh I am so having a large red wine when I get there. I saw I was just down the street from the place so I put my phone away and checked my make up and reflection in the window of a closed shop. I was all good so I took a breath a walked up to the restaurant initial I panicked as I didn't see anyone, but I saw a little down the street where some chairs and tables sat for the restaurant during the day, it had a black metal fence to seperate it from the rest of the pavement, a man stood there.

He was taller then me, if I had to guess from here he wasn't six feet but high fives atleast but I think the shoes helped. He had black dress shoes, a black pair of suit pants with something in his pocket, a tight leather belt a black button down tucked into the pants with a slight patten I wasn't sure what of in it, he had a black slightly trench coat like jacket over him a ciggertte in his hand, watch on his wrist, he looked nervous in his face even if he still looked attractive, his hair fixed to one side alot clearly still a little wet from where he had washed it. He was the only one around so I went closer catching his attention away from the ciggertte in his fingers, his eyes glanced to me looking me up and down quickly taking in alot of me much like I did to him moments ago. He put the ciggertte out on the metal fence and smiled

"Y/n? By any chance?"

"Yeah" I nodded

"Ahh great, I was getting worried" he says

"Yeah I uhh I walked" I smiled "sorry luke didn't"

"Oh, Thomas" he smiled offering his hand

"Lovely to meet you" I smiled taking it he gave my hand a gentle kiss

"Lovely to meet you too, he uh he didn't say you'd be so beautiful"

"Ohh well thank you very much" I blushed "he didn't say how handsome you where"

"Your sweet, ohh uhh I got you something" he smiled moving his hands to his pocket "I wanted get you a real one but all the shops where closed so I thought then you can keep it longer" he smiled heading me a silk rose

"Ohh thank you, it's beautiful" I smiled happily taking it "shall we go?"

"Well if you'd like to have dinner with me?"

"I'd love to" I smiled offering my arm, he happily linked arms with me and lead me inside he delt with the hostess and we where lead to a table that overlooked the outside garden space of the restaurant closed up at the moment for the night I went to get my chair but he stopped me

"No, no let me" he says pulling my chair out for me

"Ohh why thank you" I giggled letting him tuck it under me and then take his own seat across the table "your very sweet"

"First impressions you know" he smiled fiddling with his hair

"Can I get you two started with some drinks?" The waiter asked bringing some meal menus I hadn't even looked at the drinks one on the table already but I knew what I wanted

"I'll have a large glass of red wine please" I smiled

"Very good madam, and for you sir?"

"Uhh I'll take a large cola, I'm driving" he answered

"Aww don't make me drink all by myself" I laughed

"Ughh alright, white wine but make it a spritzer"

"Very good," he says before heading off

"Sorry I shouldn't" I began

"It's okay, your right. One drink with you isn't going to hurt" he says

"So you drive here?"

"Yeah, it was pretty far so I just drove" he shrugs "you said you walked?"

"Yeah, I thought I'd have a wine and I didn't want a taxi"

"Perhaps if we… go out again I'll have to come by and pick you up"

"If?"

"If" he smiled "you ever been here before?" He asked as we both glanced over the food menus it was all so impressive and I had no concept what half of it even was

"No never, have you?"

"Once but they have… changed things since I was here last"

"What sort of things?"

"The thing I liked has disappeared from the menu"

"Aww that's disappointing"

"Yeah, but hopefully that will be my only disappointment this evening" he says gently moving his hand across the table so his fingers grazed mine not looking up from the menu as he did.

"Let's hope" I smiled gently moving my fingers against his own the waiter returned and we out in our order and he dropped off our drinks "so? How do you know luke?" I asked

"Uh, not all that well actually." He says "I went to school with arthur"

"Ohh, yeah I like arthur"

"I kinda think it's impossible to not like arthur he's a bundle of joy and enthusiasm"

"He is," I laughed

"How do you know luke and arthur?"

"Luke and I where neighbors growing up, he's probably my best friend" I smiled "he said you uhh don't so all apps and all"

"Ohh no not really, I keep forgetting my phone does more then just… be a phone. I'm not good at all the twitter, facebook, and that sort of thing"

"Yeah me neither" I smiled just then our food arrived "so uhh… how long have you been single? If you don't mind me asking"

"Ohh uhh,"

"It's okay, I shouldn't have asked" I said playing with my food a little

"No, not it's alright, I understand if your curious" he says "about six, seven months now. So… not to long,"

"Six months isn't that long" I said more to myself

"Yeah I know, it was uhh a quick seperation you could say" he says "do you uhh mind if I ask?"

"A year" I answered trying to smile

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked"

"It's okay, he ran off. Cheated on me got another girl pregnant" I said

"Y/n. I'm so sorry" he says taking my hand

"It's okay, I'm good" I answered smiling at him

"I feel like I have to tell you now since you told me" he laughs

"You uhh don't have to"

"No it's okay, moved to the other end of the world, missed her family and all, and then just broke it off said she found someone down there so" he says "very much done and over"

"I'm sorry"

"It's alright, if she hadn't then I wouldn't be on this nice date with you"

"Smooth" I laughed having some wine

"I try" he smiled "sorry I haven't even asked you what you do or anything"

I explained my job to him as simply as I could and he did likewise explaining it in that wash where you never completely say what your job title is but give and overview of what you do, the conversation moved to family and such, and we ended up just chatting about everything and nothing for a good while until we had finished eating, our plates taken away just nursing our drinks

"I uhh I have to be honest y/n." He spoke up

Yay, here it comes the this was really fun but I'm not feeling any connection or anything

"I uhh I really like you,"

I stopped short almost choking on my drink

"Sorry I know it sounds a little strange when we have literally been on one date but, I really like you. And I would really like a second date if… you wanted to go out with me again?"

"Yeah I'd liked that" I blushed "I'd love to go out with you again Thomas"

"Great uhh when are you next free?" He asks

"Well I have nothing going on tomorrow night"

"Yeah me either," he says moving his hand to ghost mine a little "anywhere you wanted to go?"

"I've been dying to see that new movie everyone's been talking about" I said moving my hand closer too "but since it a horror, you'll have to promise to hold my hand if I get too scared"

"I'll happily hold your hand, weather your scared or not" he smiled taking my hand intertwining our fingers "shall we get the bill?"

"Yeah its a long walk home" I said

"I'll drop you off home don't worry about it" he says as he got the waiter to bring the bill

"You sure? I don't want to be any trouble"

"I'm sure it's no trouble at all. And I'll pick you up tomorrow for the movie" he says "ooh I should probably give you my number so we don't have to talk though Luke'

"Ahh yeah good point" I said as I got my phone and we traded numbers just then the bill came so I reached for my purse

"No, no I'll get it" he says getting his wallet from his pocket

"No I can't let you pay it's not fair"

"I'm more then happy to y/n, its a date put your purse away it's on me" he says putting his card on the table

"We split it. I insist" I said putting mine with his

"Alright, but I'm paying for the tickets tomorrow"

"And I'll pay for the popcorn"

"Alright love" he smiled

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brw · 4 years

Note

I love you!!!!! I’m on my phone rn so I don’t have any real good memes or fun stuff to send u but I’m gonna be free a lot over the next few days, and if you want to you can always dm me 💜 if you wanna talk about your favorite comics or whatever as a distraction I would love to learn about them! I hope things start to look up for you soon!

🥺 tysm u are really too sweet that's very nice of u to offer and dw i appreciate even the thought 💕💛

i'm. gonna talk about the current hulk run bc it's very good and makes the brain go brrr because like! canon DID representation that doesn't suck (at least it reads p good in my opinion but obviously i am a singlet and not a system so 🤷‍♂️ could be wrong on this)! it is here!

al ewing said "one thing i do hope remains [after this series ends] is bruce banner as an explicit system of alters. dissociative identity disorder is often represented poorly in popular culture - i don't know how good a job we've done with it, but i do feel like bruce is acting more like a system than he was previously" so like. it is literally undeniable. i mean in canon it was technically confirmed in 1978 (they called it multiple personality disorder back then obvs bc that was the Accepted Scientific Term™) but its very rarely shown in canon as an explicit system so. you know. honestly bruce is the most like... neurotypical-washed? is that a thing? character i've ever seen. smh.

"savage hulk", aka the hulk smash guy we're all most familiar with, is essentially the childhood rage and aggression he had to repress growing up (as his abusive father would hurt him when he got angry so it was very clearly clear in his mind that anger = bad) in one form. he's the green guy and again the most common one we see!

but there is also grey hulk, also known as joe fixit! he is essentially the moody teenager bruce was never allowed to be growing up. he also once had a job at security in what i recall to be a casino! he's more mature and articulate then savage hulk is, n yeah he's just weird n cool he vibes

there is! also devil hulk! devil hulk is basically the only hulk content with not fronting. he's very protective of bruce, and was basically made to fill in the role of a father figure that he never had growing up. he feels like the world has been unfair to bruce and again is. very protective. he calls bruce the "little guy" which i find very cute. he appears as larger then the other two hulks and is yellow. again. he vibes. very dangerous but. he vibes.

there is also guilt hulk. guilt hulk is all of bruce's fears and insecurities and self-hatred put into one and kinda sounds/speaks the same as his dad. uses the same abusive/cruel language brian banner used on bruce growing up. guilt hulk kinda dissappeared for a while but has since returned, tho doesn't show up often.

there is also professor hulk/the professor! has hulk's strength but bruce's intelligence, but he's like, his own alter, despite what endgame implies. very smart very cool. would be very dangerous tho if he got angry with the strong smart combo so if he gets too angry he changes into "savage banner", who is savage hulk but in bruce's scrawny body. comic logic says that this only works with the professor and no other one sjenejhute.

and the last one i can remember is kluh! while most alters/hulks come bruce, kluh comes from savage hulk. he is known as "hulk's hulk". while savage hulk (and most others) gets his strength from repressed rage, kluh gets his from savage hulk's misery and sadness. like. depression hulk. i can only recall seeing him once but. he is there!

and yeah! while i'm disappointed that the mcu changed so much and has not seemed to include bruce's DID in the slightest, looking at professor hulk, i also know that the mcu is Questionable at times so like... idk what to feel. grateful but also. u guys could do much better. come on :/ and i agree w/ mr ewing i hope it continues. needs to be more representation. and more like? good healthy scenes? like idk. bruce shows up in some pretty gruesome n gritty storylines, like in ultimates savage hulk was a cannibal and idk. makes me :/ a bit. not to mention the horrific shit that went on in old man logan which i will not talk about bc ew :/ but it was a bad time i do Not Recommend. like i know marvel wants to be gritty and edgy sometimes but. maybe. chose a different character to do that with. hercules is as strong/almost as strong as hulk. so is wonder man. there's other characters that u can have be gritty and edgy without adding to harmful stereotypes.

anyway yeah. this has been an infodump by brieuc 😌✌️

#long post #* long post #holy SHIT i do not shut up #bruce banner #hulk #asks #💛💛💛#jay 🦆#brieuc.txt #anyway thank you for asking! i am sorry for screaming so fucking much!

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kenmasgameboy · 4 years

Text

PIPSQUEAK

a kuroo x gangmember!reader

summary;

" you like to cause a bit of trouble, pipsqueak?"

" pipsqueak? seriously?"

Life for you got turned upside down after your first year at Nekoma high. Realizing it was too dangerous, your parents sent you back to live in Miyagi and attend Karasuno with your old friends. Kuroo Tetsuro, the Police Chiefs son, comes into contact with you in the most unexpected way possible, bringing trouble wherever you both go.

—————————-

Prologue.

High school was never that interesting to you. Though, you'll admit that it was a good way to help the days pass. You always found different games to help.

At first, games to you meant sneaking out of the house, slashing tires, almost getting arrested, going to parties. You had a bad reputation. You had been mixed up with all the wrong people before at your old school. But now you were going to turn your life around. Even if that means that now games to you would mean studying. Kind of.

The closest you'd probably get to your new life would be getting in trouble for minor things at school. For example, falling asleep in class was a specialty of yours. Truly, an art form. Waking up to that sweet slap of a ruler against your desk was better than any alarm clock you'd ever hear. The rush in your chest, the heat to your cheeks, the sweaty palms. Incredible. But that is it. You promised your mother that this year you would be making her proud at Karasuno. You wouldn't be hanging out with those "thugs" as she liked to call them. You would keep up, maybe pay attention, and maybe make some more real friends.

The truth was that school never felt like a real challenge to you. Sure there were plenty of difficult subjects that made you feel stupid but you always kept out of the drama, minded your business, and kept your head down. It was fine. There really was a target on your back now that you were the new girl at school though, and you had adjusted week by week meeting new people and reuniting with some old ones, too. But ultimately you decided the social system just wasn't made for you. There wasn't really a good place for you to fit in, or maybe it just wasn't comparing to the kind of family you made before.

Today was one of those days where your motivation was at its peak, you were taking good notes. Studied for a quiz, been overly diligent. Then that sweet beautiful sound of the lunch bell rang, you pulled out your food, grabbed your skateboard, and left the classroom in a bit of a hurry. As you were leaving you started to hear a conversation:

Dude, don't worry, I have it completely handled. Watch...

"(Y/N)!" Narita, your classmate called for you once you exited the room and into the hallway. He stood next to Ennoshita who looked like he would explode any second. You knew Narita, him and Ennoshita were in Class 4 with you and you really didn't have that many real friends at school but you wouldn't mind calling them that. They were some of the friends you were reunited with from middle school, they were a big comfort to you when you transferred in.

"Hey, how's it going?" You slowly walked over, trying to find your excuse to leave and take a nap without seeming impolite.

"Great, good. Thanks, yourself?" Narita answered for him and Ennoshita. He also seemed in a hurry for some reason but was much worse at covering it up.

"Pretty tired, but uh, for the most part—" You started but your sentence didn't last long.

"You should come to my party! Uh— Our party. We're having a party it would probably wake you up. It's in Tokyo! I mean—" Narita came in strong.

"Nice, buddy. You really do got this handled." Was all Ennoshita followed it up with, "Gotta go, see you guys in class."

"A party?" You laughed a little, just because these guys were anything but the partying type. You started walking and Narita was following you like a hawk, "Don't you guys have volleyball practice or something?"

"Yeah, of course. But not this Friday night! I mean technically we do but we'll be done at 6:30. Party can start at 7:30." Narita followed up, "All the volleyball guys will be there, too. We have a summer training camp in Tokyo starting on Monday so this is kind of the only day we can get everyone together. We already had our friends from Nekoma invite pretty much everyone they knew."

"N-Nekoma, huh?" Your smile wavered, "That sounds like it'll be really fun for you guys. Thanks for the invite, but I don't really know anyone on your team. Plus, I can't get to Tokyo by 7:30." You said, declining as well as you could without making your answer too suspicious.

"Well, yeah about that. Um, by 'it's in Tokyo' what I meant to say was Tokyo guys will be there. They're volleyball players, too, actually." He explained, rubbing the back of his neck and adjusting his satchel, trying his best to act cool and lean against the vending machine you were using.

"So, it's a Volleyball mixer with you guys and a bunch of guys from Tokyo but it's not in Tokyo? Where is it, then?" You asked for the elaboration, kind of liking this dancing way to get to the point.

"Yes, well and other schools in Miyagi, too. It's a lot of schools, I mean I'm talking Nekoma, Fukorodani, Aoba Johsai, Johzenji, Date Tech, Shiratorizawa.. maybe.. Inarizaki.. and more.. again maybe. But it's at Kinoshita's house. Which is still kinda far, but it has a pool! His family is loaded and they'll all be gone this weekend." Narita finally got to the point.

"Sounds like it'll be a good time for you guys. I'm happy for you, sounds like you've made a lot of friends from other schools." You cheers'd your milk to him and started walking again to find a place to eat.

"No, no. Girls will be there, too. It's kinda the whole point."

"You really have to work on your pitch." You said plainly.

"Please, I need your help (Y/N). I was put in charge of getting girls to come to this party." Narita begged, you couldn't help but let out a laugh at his desperation. In all your years of knowing him and being in the same classes you had never seen him talk to a single girl who wasn't in a group project or something related to it.

"Why you?"

"It was either me or Tanaka."

"Oh, then definitely you are the better choice." You agreed, having known just from the previous stories he's told you. "Interesting proposition. I'll think about it."

"You'll think about it and say yes?" He tried, "Every time I talk to a pretty girl I feel like I'm going to throw up, I can't talk to groups of girls and invite them to a party. But you're likable, more well known now since you're the new girl."

"First of all, rude that I don't make you want to throw up. I'm pretty, sometimes."

"Fair."

"How about, I'll say yes if you tell me who it is you have a crush on, which girl you most want at this party then I'll help out." You offered. Narita thought for a minute as you started eating your lunch.

"Fine." He nodded, "This is my duty to my boys." Then he leaned into your ear and whispered the name of the prettiest and smartest girl in your class: Ichika Yua. Ichika was going to be a tough sell.

"Alright. A deals a deal. You've given me a secret and I will do what I can do. How many girls do you need, anyway? Are we going for a 1:1 ratio or..?"

"No, these guys need a much higher chance I think. Let's try a 4:1 ratio."

"Yeah, actually you're gonna take what you can get."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Now give me the rundown on your team. I don't really know any of them and I need to know for my pitches I have to do this week. And don't think because I'm doing some work means that you can slack off okay. I really only know 2nd-year girls, if you want 3rd year or 1st you have to go to them. You need to try too. Also, will there be alcohol?" You listed off your demands and were straight forward. Narita made a slow nod,

"Oh, I almost forgot. Do you know any girls from Nekoma who could come?" He asked you the dreaded question.

Yup, you were originally supposed to spend your high school years at Nekoma High School. When you were entering high school your dad got a job offer in Tokyo, forcing you to move out there after middle school. Then after everything happened, your Mom knew it was too risky to let you live out in Tokyo still and she shipped you back here to go to Karasuno and live in a small apartment by yourself. You have family friends who come to check on you and your parents visit when they can. It's not horrible, at least now you get to come back to streets more familiar.

"Um, I think the girls I knew from Nekoma aren't exactly the girls you want at a party. Besides, you should just ask your volleyball brethren to ask some girls and pull their weight. Or are they too pretty for you to talk to?" You teased Narita and knocked his head.

"Hey, girls are girls." Narita held his head from where you knocked it.

"Sure, if thats the case then the next time you see me I better be seeing some chunks."

You and Narita continued to eat lunch together that day. Until you realized you only had a limited amount of time left and had to use the bathroom before class so you excused yourself. You skated away around the outside of the courtyard with a bun in your mouth and around some of your other classmates, waving.

"Dude, uh. Who was that?" A guy with an aggressive appearance walked up to Narita, having walked past a few minutes before but stayed just to gawk.

"Huh? (Y/N)?" Narita clarified, innocently.

"(Y/N)... wow. What a beautiful name." Tanaka sighed in simp, "Is she our year?"

"Yeah, man. She's in my class. You never noticed her before? I'm surprised she was the talk of Karasuno guys for like the whole first week of this year." He laughed. "She is technically new to Karasuno this year. But she's from Miyagi, I've known her since grade school."

"My babe sensor has been reserved for Kiyoko only recently. Trying to be loyal." He humphed, "You guys a thing?"

"What? No, no." Narita laughed, "No, we've just been friends for a while. She's helping me get girls to come to the party on Friday."

Tanaka jumped up with optimism, "Yes! This is going to be the best party of our high school lives!"

"I hope so." Narita rubbed his neck to try and tame his nerves again.

"(Y/N).." Tanaka sighed again, "You know who's gonna go nuts when they get a look at her, right?"

"I know."

———————————-

Thank you so much for reading!! Please let me know what you think and keep reading!!

#kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo smau #kuroo #haikyuu #kuroo x reader #x reader #kuroo fanfic #kuroo tetsurou fanfic #gang #gang member #fanfic #kuroo fanfiction #haikyuu x reader #kuroo tetsuro #kuroo tetsurou #nekoma #karasuno

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thicctransboi · 4 years

Text

Almost- Chapter 4

"I don't know,Sam, I don't think I'm ready to meet the baby just yet." Grizz said to Sam as he slipped on his shoes.

Sam had proposed the idea to Grizz shortly after they began getting dressed. "Are you scared to? Or is it just nerves or something?" Sam asked.

Grizz sighed, "I don't know... She's your kid, Sam... It's still weird for me. I cant promise I wont walk out. It might just be too hard on me. Besides, does Becca even know about us yet?"

Sam shook his head. He couldn't help but feel guilty again when Grizz said, 'Your kid'. Sam wanted so badly just to tell Grizz the truth, but that wasn't his truth to tell.

"Why not?"

Sam shrugged, "I don't know, I didn't know If you were ready for people to know yet. It didn't feel like it was my place."

Grizz chuckled "Sam, we might die here. If I wasn't ready for people to know, I wouldn't have tried so hard to get with you in the first place. If we die here, I want people to know me for the real me, not just the me thy thought they knew." Grizz sighed, "Let's go to the hospital, I'm sure Becca is missing you."

Grizz was right, Becca had sent Sam at least 20 texts asking where he was, causing Sam and grizz to speed walk to the hospital. As they walked, a few people in town looked their way, causing Sam to feel nervous for some reason. Sam felt even more nervous as Grizz grabbed his hand, holding it as they walked. Approaching the hospital, Grizz felt his stomach quench; this was it, he was facing his fear: Becca and Sam's baby. Grizz had to hold himself back from getting emotional as they arrived in the maternity wing.

"There you are! Where have you been?" Becca practically screeched as Sam and Grizz rounded the corner. Then her eyes landed on Grizz. "Grizz! You're back! I heard the trip went well."

"Yeah.." Grizz said, his eyes traveling to the small child in Becca's arms. "Congratulations on the baby.. Sam told me you named her Eden, it's fitting." Grizz suddenly felt small despite being 6 foot 3.

Becca was beaming. "Thank you, wait, what are you doing here? No offense, I just didn't expect you to visit today considering you just got back and its- 2am."

Sam didn't even realize how late it had gotten. He answered for Grizz, "Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. Grizz and I... well.. We've been seeing each other?" His response came out as more of a question than a statement.

Becca raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two boys in front of her, Grizz awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. "Since when? Grizz, you're gay?"

"Thanksgiving."

"Uh, yeah?"

Becca's eyes went wide, tossing a pillow weakly in Sam's direction. "That's where you were when I went into labor? With him?! Wait- You lost your virginity and didn't even tell me didn't you?! Sam, you were getting dicked down while I was in labor! That's why you weren't answering your phone!?"

Sam let out a sigh, meanwhile Grizz stood their wide eyed. "Should I go and leave you two to talk?" Grizz asked awkwardly.

"No, no, stay..." Sam said, singing slowly. "Becca, I'm sorry. It just kinda- happened."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would you have rathered me told you while you were in labor? 'Hey Becca, sorry I'm late, I know it's a bad time considering you're crowning, but me and Grizz just had sex and I really like him. That cool?'" Sam mocked.

Becca rolled her eyes.

Grizz felt his heart ache; they were perfect for each other, they even argued like a couple. No wonder they hooked up.

"You should have told me after, you know I would have been fine with it. I've been waiting for you to meet someone, though I thought you wouldn't considering our situation," Grizz was shocked to hear that comment, even more shocked when Becca said, "Grizz, come sit."

Grizz looked at Sam for help, Sam just smiled as Grizz slowly walked over to Becca and the baby, sitting down on the bed between her and Sam.

"Want to hold her?" Becca asked, giving Grizz a smile.

Grizz felt his heart rate increase, "No, no, I wouldn't want to intrude or anything. Aren't you mad? Like, you're okay with me and Sam?"

Becca laughed, "Of course I'm not mad! Sam's my best friend, I want him to be happy," She shot a smile towards Sam, "And how would you be intruding? You can be a part of this too, you know. I'll take all the help I can get. Here, take her, just mind her head."

Grizz was on the verge of having a panic attack, taking Eden into his arms carefully and making sure to keep her head elevated. The small child looked up at Grizz sleepily, causing Grizz to notice her stark blue eyes. They were Sam's eyes. It made his heart ache. But then, she wrapped her little hand around Grizz's thumb, making his heart swell, despite him knowing it was just a reflex. Something about holding her was oddly comforting, despite the circumstances In which she was brought into this world.

"She's beautiful." Grizz signed with one hand, not speaking, afraid his voice might fail him. He could feel it now, he was getting emotional and he wasn't prepared for them to see him that way, nor did he want Eden to feed off of him. Babies were weird like that. "Becca, take her... I need a minute."

Grizz bolted out of the room as quickly as he could.

Becca raised an eyebrow, turning to Sam with Eden in her arms. "Is he okay?"

Sam sighed, "He's been upset ever since he found out about her... That she's 'mine'. He's scared he's being a home wrecker."

Becca suddenly felt guilty herself, she knew that this wasn't fair to either Sam nor Grizz, but she couldn't find it in herself to tell either of them the truth of who the father really was. She knew it would break Sam's heart. "He'll get over it once he realizes we aren't like that together, right?"

"Becca, he needs to know the truth. This almost ruined us last time before he left, I can tell it bothers him.."

Becca shook her head, "No, Sam, I... I can't.. You can't. Please.."

***

Sam found Grizz outside of the hospital near the entrance, taking deep breaths as he leaned against the brick, his breath puffing out in clouds in front of him due to the cold. His face illuminated by the hospital sign.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked, approaching him slowly.

Grizz sighed, "She has your eyes, Sam... She looks just like Becca but with your eyes.. I can't- I can't do this."

Sam felt himself grow uneasy. He had never given it much thought, Eden's eyes. But now that he thought about it, she did have his eyes. But how?.... "Grizz- please... Don't- Don't leave. We just got back together, I can't loose you again."

Grizz sighed, watching as the air left his lungs, "How can I look at her, and not be reminded every day of the fact that she's yours? The fact that you'll never truly be mine? The fact that you slept with Becca and have a child with her? That I'll never be a part of it? I can't do that, Sam. It hurts too much. I just can't."

Sam sighed, in that moment he felt so conflicted between Eden having his eyes and wanting to tell Grizz the truth. But how would Grizz believe him now? Not now that he saw that Eden had blue eyes. How did she have his eyes?? "Grizz, you can be a part of this, Becca even said, she can use all of the help she can get. And, I am yours, I'm all yours if you want me to be... Becca and I.. We're not like that. We never have been, I told you. Please, don't let this get to you.. Please."

"She has your eyes! How can that not upset me?" Grizz yelled. "They're as blue as the damn sky in the summer time! Just like yours! Your eyes! The ones that I fell for! The ones I opened my soul up to! The ones-"

"They're not mine! Eden isn't mine!" Sam shouted, finally snapping. "I don't know how her eyes are blue, her real dad's must be! But I wouldn't know because I don't know who that is!" Sam was breathing heavily, his words hung in the air. He suddenly realized what he had just done. "Fuck! Don't tell Becca I told you..."

"Sam? Are you saying what I think you're saying? Why would you tell me that she was yours?" Grizz was stunned, suddenly no longer angry, more confused.

Sam sighed, "Becca and I agreed that that was what we would tell people when I agreed to help her out, we agreed that I would say I was the father... I don't know who the real dad is, she won't tell me. But I promised her that I would be a father to this child, Grizz. I promised I would live this lie as being her biological father to keep her secret. She's my best friend, Grizz, I had to. please understand, please don't tell her I told you..."

Grizz stood there in shock, not believing what he was hearing, “Sam… You lied to me.”

“I had to! I had no other choice! I promised her, and I ended up hurting you in the process. Fuck, I’m so sorry…” Sam was crying rather relentlessly now.

It took a lot, but Grizz couldn’t stand seeing Sam cry, letting out a sigh, he pulled him close, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy tightly. It’s okay.. We’ll figure this out.. I won’t tell her.”

“Thank you…”

#the society #grizzam #sam eliot #sam x grizz #grizz #fanfic #gay #sean berdy #lgbt #jack mulhern

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pinkpaganofficial-blog · 6 years

Text

Content and trigger warnings for:

- eating disorder[s] (eds), i.e anorexia, bulimia

- me talking about my suicidal thoughts and venting (I'm ok i just need to like... "word vomit" i guess)

- abandonment by friends

- feeling repression

~~~\\

So i doubt most people on here who follow me know that I suffer from mental illness but I do and have for a very long time. All of the symptoms and effects really came out after my grandfather/best friend passed away when I was 11, 12 years ago. I fell into a hole of depression, anxiety, and disordered eating. From the time I was 11 until I was around 14 I had a very hard time with food. I was suffering from bulimia and I would do the routine binges and purges I had set for myself through the day. I'm surprised my teeth survived all of the stomich acid assaults on them honestly.

I was lonely. I felt so fucking alone in the world. I didn't have many friends. The friends I had were pretty fairweather at the time, as we were kids. They'd hop to the coolest person in their opinions on sight and leave me in the dust, and then come back when they were done, or something happened, whatever. It wasn't stable, and I was always afraid of just being deserted again. My friend who stuck with me, my grandfather, was gone. My grandmother was so in shambles that she doesnt even remember the year after he died at all. My mother is chronically ill, and even though she is and will always be there for me as long as is possible I just couldn't tell her how bad I was feeling. Maybe it was guilt because she has problems that I felt far outweighed mine (haha oh god there's the tears that actually stings).

And my dad is... well.. a dad. Sometimes dads just don't understand things like mental illness, or being an unwell person. My dad loves me. I know that, and I love him a lot too. But he can't understand how these things affect me as he's basically neurotypical in every way. He tries. But I can't find empathy there, and a lot of the time there's misunderstanding when we talk about mental illness. So I didn't tell him anything then either.

I would stay in my room a lot, or be out in the woods a lot. I would scratch up my arms with my nails until they would bleed and I would cry. I felt like I didn't care if I died at that time. My parents raised me religiously in the church and I tried very hard to have a relationship with their concept of a god. But I couldn't because to me in was just emptiness. For me, in that sense, there is nothing there. So my loneliness was running even deeper than just the physical. It was spiritual as well. And idk if anyone reading this has experienced spiritual emptiness, or even is a spiritual person, but please believe me when I say it's Hell.

When I was 14 I rode my bicycle out to a bridge near my home out in the back woods type country. The old train bridge kind with the big cement blocks at the bottom of the pillars holding them up. I remember sitting on the very edge of it just looking down at the cement. I really wanted to jump. Honestly the only reason I didn't was because of my mom. She's the reason I stepped back, got on my bicycle and rode home. Albeit I was crying the whole way home, stayed out in the garden to finish crying, washed my face in the creek and went inside and straight upstairs to my bed and I slept until the next day.

When I was around the end of being 14 I tried repression. I started trying eating normally (which has wrecked me internally, I have major digestive problems as I've always refused to go to a rehab centre, which in itself is not good for me). I started pretending to have a relationship with "God". I tried the whole "cool hip Christian kid" spin from when I was that age until 17 or so. I pushed back my depression, my fears and anxieties and eds to see if I could be happy. And I pretended to be happy for a while. And I fooled a lot of people.

Things weren't by any means okay though. My school work was suffering as it always had, but since the work was harder it was also suffering harder. I picked up smoking cigarettes. I also picked up alcohol more and more. I dated a 21 year old and lost my virginity to him at 16, after much coaxing from him. That was an extremely bad 8 months.

My saving grace and my recharge at the time was a Bible camp I'd attend in the summers. I went for 12 years. Now that I think about it.. that camp was my only constant thing for a very long time. It was always there. And even when it wasn't camp time, the place was so close I could just go talk to the live in managers when I had questions. While my relationship with a god I don't believe in was strained and a facade, the people I met are amazing and have helped me a lot.

In fact, at that camp I spilled a lot of my struggles to my group of close friends. We were just a few girls, only 17 or so. But they had all been through things just as bad as me. Some so close it scared me. I felt accepted by those girls who are now beautiful strong women. So I opened the flood gates of what I had been through. All of my dark times and feelings, thoughts of dying and plans to do it, the bulimia and how it hurt my body, my 21 year old ex and what had happened to me, my struggles in school, my guilt towards my mother as her pregnancy with me put her in her wheelchair, my panic attacks and the anxiety that I'd felt for so long, my loneliness and my desperate want to not be alive. Basically just like, ALL of it. I don't really think that was a gate I could've closed even if I tried at that point. It was just a lot.

It took a while to talk about everything, and by the time I'd covered everything even more young folks like us had come over to sit. I was sobbing. My friends weren't very far behind either. Someone was rubbing my back and another person brought me tissues. I finished and everyone was kinda quiet and sad. One of my friends said "Hey can we all just kinda sit together and pray?" and I said that I thought that was a good idea. So we sat. And we just prayed. Even if they were words floating up to an empty space where I see no god, the solidarity that I felt with my friends and those around showing that they cared about me was overwhelming. I wasn't alone. I had friends. REAL friends who weren't looking for the next best thing. And I didn't feel as empty anymore. Knowing that I had people who genuinely cared for me and everything I'd been through and everything I was made me feel so much more worthy of living, it showed me I wasn't nothing.

A lot has happened since those dark times. I've had other dark times. Anorexia claimed me at 18 as a sufferer, and I still struggle with it to this day. I had a physically and emotionally abusive sociopathic partner in the Autumn of my 21st year. I had a whole 2 year ordeal with someone that I'm not even going to talk about, as this person and I have BOTH put it behind us and forgiven each other and are now friends. I alsp dropped out of high school in grade 11.

But I've had a LOT of light times. I started actively loving my body at 21, which was the first new constant in my life. I took action and got a breast reduction from G to C cup for my health at 18. I left the church and started understanding science better. The spiritualist in me called for more, so I delved into research on Paganism and Wicca. What I found was what I needed. It was the second new constant I needed. So now instead of 1, I had 2.

I live with my fiance now. He's someone who I was schoolmates with in highschool. After a few years of not keeping in touch, we hung out. We got close again. And after a few years we started dating. We've had bumpy patches. 1 break up due to his mental illness (again, it rears its ugly head). But that was short lived. And we are actively improving ourselves while being there for one another. Last March I asked him to marry me to which he said "Well, I was gonna ask you when we got our own place, so obviously yes." (I've dated a lot of people, so I am so happy that it was him I'm going to be with, no offense to any of the guys, girls and other folks I've been with and am friends with). He's my third constant.

I have so much more now than I ever dreamed I could in those dark times, friends.

Moral of the story is:

Friends come and go. But you'll find someone, or multiple people who will care about you enough to stick with you as much as you wanna stick with them.

Don't give up on yourself. You're gonna have a lot of bad times. Life happens and we can't do shit about it. But life also has a lot of really good times worth looking forward to and holding close to heart. You can love yourself no matter who you are or what you look like because you're more than a name or a number on a scale. You're a complex person with real feelings who is worthy of self love. And love from others too.

Pain sucks. Life can suck a whole fucking lot. So much you want it to end. But through all the struggle, the hurt and the mental illness, you still very much deserve a good life. If not more, because you're actively trying to enjoy being alive in a very hard time.

So yeah. Thanks for reading this. I just needed to talk. I felt like I was going to explode and my Instagram isn't really the place to put this.

Take care of yourselfs. Cherish yourself and your time here. Make the best of your situations as much as you can. Hold your loved ones close in mind and heart. And don't be afraid to talk.

#anorexia recovery #bulimia recovery #self love #feels #rant #feelings #depression #anorexia #my past #struggle #victory #pinky

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deathcookieprsn · 5 years

Text

Despair Clause Episode 1

(Scene) Inside the hall of the castle, three guys are chit chatting at the bottom of the stairs that lead to the throne. One is blond with a pony tail dressed in blue royal atire (Otio), one has red spiked hair dressed in black and red armor(Pila), and one has messy black hair, dressed in casual clothing(Fregit).

Pila: yo Fregit, are you still hanging out with Skunk?

Otio: Yeah I've been wondering that too, haven't seen the little dude around recently.

Fregit: Nah he moved to Perditus recently with his family. Honestly it's kinda weird that so many of the poor have been moving there but everyone says that since it's newly built the economy needs literally anyone to move there for the city to survive.

Otio: (Shrugs) I doe know, sounds a bit fishy to me.

Pila: Don't you know anything bro. (Taps Otio on the head) There's a reason that towns have people in them and its not just because that's the way things are. Population leads to transfer of goods and wealth which in turn leads to businesses starting. Perditus is an experimental town that is testing the nature of our poor.

Fregit:(shifts in front of Pila) Basically they are moving a bunch of our poor their to see if they will prosper with an extreme amount of opportunity available to them and in turn giving them a chance to gain a skill by working at one of the many jobs in the town that are lacking in man power.

Pila: Hey,(punch Fregit in the back of the shoulder and shift to face both siblings) I was going to explain that but whatever.

Otio: I honestly stopped caring after I asked. Right now I'm just wondering what is taking dad so long. He summoned us but it feels like we've been waiting for ages. Did the old geezer forget.

(Footsteps) Distant voice bellows: So now I'm an old geezer am I?

(All three siblings kneel)

King Ficum: Otio(Otio Looks up), Pila(Pila looks up),Fregit(Fregit looks up),... I have summoned you three here because it is finally time that to choose your path in life. Otio will become king after I pass so his future has all but been decided for him. He will begin training with a sword immediately, alongside studying politics and shadowing me when I feel necessary (Otio groans) (King Ficum scowls). As for you two, you must make something of yourself. Forbid it as I may, of something were to happen to your older brother the next would succeed him and so forth. Furthermore your accomplishments will bolster our families reputation making it easier for your brother's ascension to the throne after my passing. For if you are the most worthy of the throne in the eyes of the public, your support of your sibling who is trained in the way of leading a nation will assure the nation in his crowning. You do not have to come up with an answer today but

Pila: Actually father,(Phila Stands up) if l may, I've already decided what I want to do with my life.

King Ficum: (intrigued) hmm?

Pila: With your permission, I would like to join the Guild and become a Hero!

King Ficum: Hero ranking requires you to be granted a Gun by the Guild. Being as they are a new Technology, they are difficult to get a hold of however seeing as you are my son I might be able to pull a few strings.

Pila: Thank you dad!

King Fica: But son, are you sure that is what you wish? The reason guns are granted is because Heros are required to fight on shore when an attack first arises. That means you'll be on the front line. Is that really what you desire?

Pila: It is. Not only is it a good way to earn publicity quickly but it is also the best and most direct way for me to protect our Nation and its people.

King Ficum: I see... Consider it done. And you Fregit, might you have a path you would like to follow?

Fregit:(Fregit looks up) I um... Well... Not that... Um..

King Ficum: It's alright Fregit, take your time. You do not need to decide now. You are the youngest after all so there is no need for haste.

Fregit: O,k...

King Ficum: I will be taking my leave now but boys, be sure have a nice day today. It would be a waste for this beautiful weather to be wasted.

(King Ficim walk out of room)

Otio: ugh, I wish I could just be a lazy king.

Pila: We all know that you could be a lazy anything haha, the following title isn't actually important to you.

(Otio and Pila laugh)

Pila: Fregit is something wrong.

(Fregit stares off to the side then changes his gaze towards Pila)

Fregit: No, just a lot to think about that's all.

Otio: At least that's one thing I don't have to exert effort towards haha. My path it's already decided.

Pila: Well Otio I think you should get a head start on your Sword play practice don't you? I am going to have to practice more to if I am planning to be a Hero.

Otio: I'm actually going to go work on my sleep right now.

Pila: uh uh not today. This kills two birds with one stone.(Pila drags Otio by the collar of his shirt)

Fregit: hah bye guys.

(Scene, Fregit's room, Fregit laying in his bed on his back with his legs dangling off the bottom.)

Fregit: arghhhhh! (Fregit flails his limbs) What do I want to be?! Wendy's wing with me? How have I never thought of this until just now?

(In Fregits mind) Maybe I can be a Hero too... Argh no that would never work, Pila would out shine me for sure and I wouldn't ever amount to anything other than simply being his little brother... I guess I could always go into politics and make a large impact that way.. that might actually work..

(Blonde female child with frilled dress walks in the room)

Fas: Hi Fregit, what are you thinking about?

Fregit: A lot.

Fas: Heyyyyy. That's not a real answer. Come on, just tell meee.

Fregit: (light sigh) well you see Dad called Otio, Pila and I to talk to us about what we wanna be when we grow up (Fas: uhnhuh) and you see I have no idea what I wanna be (Fas: unhuh) Pila is going to be a Hero and Otio is being groomed for King but what's my role in all of this? What am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed to be?

Fas: Well uh, if uh, Pila is going to be a Hero then why don't you just be a Signer?

Fregit: A Signer? Like with the Association instead of the Guild?

Fas: Unhuh! Signers are basically the Associations versions of Heros aren't they brobther?

Fregit: Sorta but they all have to sign a despair clause and I don't really want to do that.

Fas: But if you find something suuper important you might even become more popular than big brobther Pila.

Fregit: You're right. I know what I'm going to do. Forget being a politician on the Council, I'm ganna be a Signer!

(Scene, Throne room. Fregit in front of the throne with King Ficum Siting on it)

(King Ficum slams his hand on his throne)

King Ficum: Absolutely not! Do you even know what you are asking?

Fregit: of course I do! This is the perfect way to bolster our legacy from both ends of Membership. If I become a famous Signer and Pila a famous Hero then we'll have a position of influence in both the Guild and the Association!

King Ficum: I will not allow it! It is much too reckless.

(Otio walks infrom the right out from behind the curtain that leads to the throne greenroom)

Otio: he's right you know.

Fregit: Otio?

Otio:(otio approaches Fregit) Signing a Despair Clause is risky business, depending on the amount of power you get you might just stub you're toe when the contract is fulfilled but if you end up obtaining a decent amount of power you could easily end up immobilized down in the Chasm with your whole party dead. Something like that would surely insure your death. Even if the contract itself can't cause you to die it can easily lead to it if you're unlucky. Why don't you just become a politician on the Council instead? (Otio arrives in front of Fregit)

Fregit: Because I don't want to! This is the path I have chosen for myself! Why won't you support me Otio?!

Otio: (places hand on Fregit's head) Because I care about you you dummy.(Fregit gazes at the for) Can't we forget about this and move onto something more practical?

Fregit: (in a sad tone) I guess.

Otio: Tomorrow come meet with me in the court yard and I'll teach you sword play, after that I'm sure Pila would be happy to teach you Gun play. He really loves that new toy of his. If you want to become strong this is a much more practical way to go about it. Hell instead of a Signer you could be a Stander or a Runner to support Pila if you want to be a part of the action. How does that sound?

Fregit: actually, that would be great, I'm going to head to my room for a bit but I'll see you I the morning tomorrow for practice. (Fregit smiles)

(Fregit walks away)

King Ficum: I see having you shaddowing me is already starting to pay off.

Otio: Naturally, I may be lazy but when it comes to my family, I will always protect them.

(Scene, Fregit's room, fregit sitting on his bed with his leg up and his hand on his knee.)

Fregit: Otio's right, I can't become a Signer and wander the Chasm the way I am. I need to become stronger.(Fregit stands up and throws his jacket I've his shoulder) Guess I'll have to take him up on his off after I sign a Despair Clause. Thanks for the offer Otio!(fregit hops out his window)

(Scene castle courtyard,night with camera aimed at the sky)(gunshot x3) (gunshot x2)(camera pans to face Pila)

Pila: Dammit I just can't get the hang of this thing!(Otio walks up)

Otio: looks like you got the hand of it to me. From what the target shows you haven't hit anything less than the ring around the bullseye.

Pila: That's not good enough, not for me at least.

Otio: If you're looking for some advice I may be of some help. While eavesdropping before the council meeting I overheard that unlike swords you're going to want to double down on that grip of yours, also you're going to want to hold your breath before pulling the trigger and exhale after. That should improve your aim just a bit.

Pila: Wow Otio, color me impressed. Shadowing dad had really done wonders for your usefulness haha.

Otio: that seemed somewhat of a backhanded complement (chucklr).

Pila: (chuckle)that's because it was.

Otio: Well I'll have you know I have actually been quite useful. Today I was even able to give Fregit some decent advice. He was dead set on becoming a Signer and I was able to explain to him why that was a reckless and dangerous decision. (Pila's face turns to a face of scepticism) He even smiled after and told me that he was going to his room to rethink his decision. I'm pretty awesome!(Pila interrupts Otio mid sentence)

Pila: Otio, do you not know Fregit at all. I promise you he's not in his room right now. He's almost certainly on his way to a library to sign a contract as we speak of he hasn't made it to one already.(You can visually see that a light bulb goes off in Otio's brain)

Otio: Oh no.

(Scene, castle bedroom hallway, camera pointed down the hall at the floor)(Otio's running legs pop into view)

Otio: (shouting)Fregit! Yo Fregit! I have something important to talk to you about!(Fregit's bedroom door slams open. Its empty)(camera switches to a cake of Otio's mouth and chin) Tsch, dammit. (Otio yells) Block, come here, I have a task for you!(camera switches to floor behind otio and pans up a pair of leather boots with green straps)

Block: So, my protection services finally needed.

(Scene, outside tattered old library)(neon open sign hangs above door) (fregit is holding a flashlight that is pointed towards the library)

Fregit: looks like I finally made it. Now to find a Dolordare and sign a contract!

(Fregit walks through the door)(edison bulbs light the main open entrance, after the entrance are rows of bookshelves, mostly empty but glowing as if a spell is cast on them, down the row of bookshelves are lanterns light by fire keeping the shelves visible but dim)

Fregit:(cough x2) You'd think that the Library nearest to the castle would be in better shape but this thing looks like it's going to fall apart.(Fregit walks down a bookshelf isle with his flashlight aimed for extra light) Actually, it looks like no renovations have been made to this place since after Grandad was king. Guess my father has a favorite power and it's not the Association.

(Large creak comes from next row over) (sound of books falling comes from next row over)

Fregit:(draws a knife he got from the castle's kitchen) Who's there!

Voice: Nooooooobooody... (Eerie,high pitch, child like voice laughs with an uncomfortably long giggle)

Fregit: (thinks to himself)*well that's obviously not true* Show yourself!

(Creature that looks like a chao but with a tail, long arms and a face that is void but with tentacle pops up in Fregit's face)

(Fregit falls on his bottom and holds his knife in fron of him)

Fregit: who are you?

Voice: I am a Dolordare, I keep this library safe along with the books inside although I do not clean much. You may call me Dust

(Fregit stands up and lowers knife)

Fregit:Well Dust, I'd like to form a contract with you.

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