#but the part about him giving us Evan Hansen's cast is not a joke | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-type-a · 1 year

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We're back with part two of Duncney playlist songs. If I accidentally suggest the same one twice, just blame it on the fact that I'm sick. I'm giving sections this time!

CANON DUNCNEY:

-Your Stupid Face (Kaden MacKay)

-Boys (Charli XCX)

-Blank Space (Taylor Swift)

-The Call (Regina Spektor)

-The Calling (TheFatRat)

-Darkside (Alan Walker)

-COPYCAT (Billie Eilish)

-Your Obedient Servant (Hamilton)

-Dead Girl Walking (Heathers)

-Ain't It Fun (Paramore)

-Try (P!nk)

-Take A Hint (Victorious)

-Everybody Loves Me (OneRepublic)

ANGSTY DUNCNEY:

No Children (The Mountain Goats)

Rat (Penelope Scott)

-Oleander (Mother Mother)

-Oh Klahoma (Jack Stauber)

-All That Glitters (Earl)

-Already Gone (Sleeping At Last)

-Boys Will Be Bugs (Cavetown)

-Today Today (Jack Stauber)

-Be Alright (Dean Lewis)

-What About Us (P!nk)

-Me and My Husband (Mitski)

-Who Is She? (Reprise) (Centaurworld)

-Lotta True Crime (Penelope Scott)

-All Eyes On Me (OR3O)

-I Of The Storm (Of Monsters and Men)

-Cleopatra (The Lumineers)

-The Moon Will Sing (The Crane Wives)

-Requiem (Dear Evan Hansen)

-Good For You (Dear Evan Hansen)

-Words Fail (Dear Evan Hansen)

-If Only (Descendants)

-Just Another Girl (The Killers)

-Don't Come Back Here (KIRA)

-Don't Make Me (MALINDA)

-Evelyn Evelyn (Evelyn Evelyn)

-Are You Satisfied? (MARINA)

-Blue Lips (Regina Spektor)

-Two Birds (Regina Spektor)

-Feed My Ego (Mickey Darling)

-Cardigan (Taylor Swift)

-August (Taylor Swift)

-Hoax (Taylor Swift)

-Bruno is Orange (Hop Along)

-Father (The Front Bottoms)

-Ghost (Reinaeiry)

-Ghost (Confetti)

-Ghosts (Jacob Tillberg)

-A Boy Like That (Glee Cast)

-Rose's Turn (Glee Cast)

-Glimpse of Us (Joji)

-If it's True (Hadestown)

-Come Home With Me (Reprise) (Hadestown)

-How Long? (Hadestown)

-Satisfied (Hamilton)

-I Say No (Heathers)

-Freeze Your Brain (Heathers)

-Meant To Be Yours (Heathers)

-I Am Damaged (Heathers)

-His Theme (Caleb Hyles)

-How to Save a Life (The Fray)

-Monster (dodie)

-If I Were a Boy (Beyonce)

-I'm glad you're evil too -Re-release (Rachie)

-Personal (Stars)

-Goodbye (Bo Burnham)

-Angel Eyes and Basketball (Foot Ox)

-Heather (Conan Gray)

-Are You Bored Yet? (Wallows)

-LOONATIC - Eng. Ver. (LOONA)

-Hurts Like Hell (Fleurie)

-Mad at Disney (slem ilese)

-prom dress (mxmtoon)

-I Knew You Once (Hollie Allen)

-Blame (Air Traffic Contoller)

-Oblivion (Dirty Palm)

-Once in a Dream (In the City)

-Catching Fire (Acoustic) (Sum 41)

-Family of Me (Ben Folds)

-feelings are fatal (mxmtoon)

-Cigarette Ahegao (Penelope Scott)

-putting a spin on never ever getting rid of me (Egg)

-Praying (Kesha)

-If I Could Take This Moment Back (Tangled the Series)

-I'd Give Anything (Tangled the Series)

-All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor Swift

-Look What You Made Me Do (Taylor Swift)

-All You Wanna Do (Six the Musical, live recording. Make sure to get the one with the purple cover.)

-No Way (SIX)

-Heart of Stone (SIX)

-Get Down (SIX)

-I Don't Need Your Love (SIX)

-Yr the Best! (carpetgarden)

-Smells Like Teen Spirit (Malia J)

-In My Head (Derivakat)

-Swallowing Shadows (Blixemi)

-Spider Dance (Adriana Figueroa)

-Bugbear (chloe moriondo)

-How Did You Love (Shinedown)

-A Sadness Runs Through Him (The Hoosiers)

-Trust Me Not (Backseat Vagabond)

-UH OH! (Sub Urban)

-An Unhealthy Obsession (The Blake Robinson Synthetic Orchestra)

-DARKSIDE (Neoni)

-Way Less Sad (AJR)

-you should see me in a crown (Billie Eilish)

WHOLESOME DUNCNEY:

-Found (Steven Universe)

-Fragile Things (Reprise) (Centaurword)

-Monster (Adventure Time)

-In A Crowd of Thousands (Anastasia)

-You (Keaton Henson)

-Can't Help Falling in Love (Annnapantsu cover)

-The Daughter of the Fish and the Ram (The Scary Jokes)

-To You (OR3O)

-Obvious (Dear Evan Hansen)

-If I Could Tell Her (Dear Evan Hansen)

-Don't Forget (Toby Fox)

-Electric Love (BORNS)

-Riptide (Vance Joy)

-Falling In Love (Crystal Bats)

-Lady Stardust (Lisa Miskovsky)

-Hey Stephen (Taylor Swift)

-Fly Me to the Moon/Lucky (Rick Hale, Breea Guttery)

-Jessie's Girl (Glee Cast Version)

-A Million Dreams (The Greatest Showman)

-Come Home With Me (Hadestown)

-Wait For Me (Hadestown)

-Wait For Me (Reprise) (Hadestown)

-Helpless (Hamilton)

-That Would Be Enough (Hamilton)

-Best Of Wives and Best of Women (Hamilton)

-If I Can't Have You (Shawn Mendes)

-Safe & Sound (Kurt Hugo Schneider)

-Love Will Find A Way (The Lion King 2)

-Lover (Taylor Swift)

-Paper Rings (Taylor Swift)

-hey (Egg)

-Give Me Your Attention (Candelion)

-Next Stop Anywhere (Tangled the Series)

-With You By My Side (Tangled the Series)

-The Girl Who Has Everything (Tangled the Series)

-The Girl Who Has Everything (Reprise) (Tangled the Series)

-Dandelions (Ruth B.)

-A song about Nothing (MALINDA)

-Here I Am - End Title (Bryan Adams)

-One Sided Love (Planttvibes)

-You'll Be In My Heart (Phil Collins)

-Can't Stop Singing (Teen Beach Movie, switch the male and female roles for this one)

-Two Worlds Apart (Lilyrabbitsings)

I CAN THINK OF FUNNY DUNCNEY SITUATIONS FOR THESE:

-The Crush Song (Tina the Twina)

-No Reason (Beetlejuice)

-Roxie (Chicago)

-Sincerely, Me (Dear Evan Hansen)

-A Winter's Ball (Hamilton)

-Just Monika (Random Encounters)

-Senpai Notice Me (Random Encounters)

-Legendary Heroes (Random Encounters)

JUST COURTNEY SONGS: (not even sure if these ones count but have them anyways)

-I Deserve to Bleed (Sushi Soucy)

-Disobedient (Steven Universe)

-Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star) (Steven Universe)

-Chameleon (Blixemi)

-Dollhouse (Melanie Martinez)

-Hiding in Your Hands (Dear Evan Hansen)

-don't stop dancing (reprise) (Bojack Horseman)

-Party Mom and Invisible Dad (That Handsome Devil)

-Top of My School (Katherine Lynn-Rose)

GWUNCAN IS TOXIC AND HE'S STILL IN LOVE WITH COURTNEY SONGS:

-And He Runs (Blixemi)

-You Belong With Me (Taylor Swift)

-Stepsister's Lament (Cinderella the Musical)

-She Knows (Hollie Col)

...and I thought I wouldn't have enough for a part two.

Added a good handful of these! Great list ✨

#duncney playlist

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imgonnapanic · 3 years

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Third gym squad with a theater kid s/o:

Kuroo Tetsurou

Tbh, he knew what he was signing up for when he started dating you.

He’s just not used to it, because he doesn’t have many extroverted friends who aren’t annoying pieces of-

I can envision you both going on the hub to watch pirated musicals. Hamilton, Heathers, Dear Evan Hansen, you name it.

He loooves your singing voice, even if it’s your nervous purposely bad one.

You love the musicals that include allll the good stuff (trauma, death, tragedy, etc.)

Or the iconic ones. You can’t forget about those.

So you’re less-than-thrilled when your school chooses “Honk! The Musical” for this years play.

It’s a spin off of the ugly duckling that no one has heard of.

And when you come up to Kuroo sulking about this boring play you’re emotionally obliged to do, he can’t help but laugh a little.

But his laughter stops when he sees your eyes down at your shoes.

And then he shuts the fuck up because you’re actually upset.

After assuring that you will still be Broadway material even if you’re dressed up as a goose, you feel a little better.

In the two weeks leading up to auditions, Kuroo is starting to get caught humming “A Poultry Tale” at practice.

I mean, his Spotify feed went from Kendrick Lamar to Legally Blonde within one month of dating you, so cut the guy a break.

The day of auditions, you’re a bundle of nerves as you go over the dumb song again and again.

And Kuroo is like “calm down babe you’re gonna do great.”

That sure did a ton.

“Shut up Heather”

...

“Sorry Heather”

He’s also a bundle of nerves at practice, though. He just couldn’t let you see it.

By now, all of the Nekoma team knows you’re auditioning today, and the minute he walks in he just holds up a hand.

“They’re auditioning as we speak”

He’s not surprised when you get the lead.

He looks like the cat who ate the canary he’s a little amused when he figures out the lead is named “Ugly” but by now he has learned to keep it on the inside.

Your schedule is now jam packed, but that’s okay, because Nationals are also coming up for Kuroo and needs to put in some extra hours at the gym anyways.

You better believe two months later Kuroo is making his entire team buy a ticket.

Kuroo didn’t even get to see you on opening night because of dress rehearsals, but that’s okay.

He cleared his entire schedule that day and now has time to wallow in his own excitement and buy you some flowers.

He’s there with the squad team at 6PM sharp, dressed up, and trying to keep his dignity.

When you first walk on stage, the team snickers a little bit at your costume, but Kuroo was completely enraptured by your singing voice, your blocking, your makeup, everything.

This was much better than the demo CD that they had given you.

Afterwards, he gives you your flowers and is glued to your side for the rest of the night, babbling about how proud he was of you, and how talented you are, Nekoma team be damned.

Tsukishima Kei

Tsukki-poo already had a soft spot for the arts before he met you.

Not that he would tell anyone, ever.

When you started dating him though, it gave him an excuse to share his favorite soundtracks.

“you can hit that note, you know.”

*cue the arguing about how you aren’t Barbara Streisand*

When you two are walking through the hallway with him and you see the poster reading “Auditions for Karasuno High School’s ‘The Little Mermaid’ are open!” You start freaking out.

You love that movie! And Kei tolerates it!

Kei honestly thought you would be Ariel/Prince Eric when he first heard you singing “Part of Your World”

Like, you have the voice of a fucking lark. The directors have to be batshit crazy not to cast you.

In his humble opinion.

So he’s a bit taken aback when you get the role of Flounder, but he’s very proud anyways. Especially after you explain that there’s musical numbers that you’re in that aren’t in the movie.

He just hates your director for no reason now.

Practicing your lines with him in your free time becomes almost inevitable because you both have nothing else better to do.

And he can see how into it you are.

And let me just say that you are killing it.

Seriously. You have no problem getting into character, and Kei doesn’t say this much but-

It’s fucking adorable, okay? He has little goth moths in his stomach.

And he can’t wait to see the show, because then he can show you off.

That doesn’t mean he likes the other first years prying at your progress.

Hinata’s incessant questioning about theater anatomy and the memorization of your lines gets really annoying.

Even for someone with a normal temper like you-

“Yes it’s called the right wing. NOT wing spiker. Yes they’re off book. Now will you shut your trap already?”

Dress Rehearsals come, and you’re spinning around his room, face morphing from complete concentration to happy, go-lucky Flounder.

You, Kei, and Yamaguchi (your little third wheel-) all know the soundtrack pretty much up and down, left and right, backwards and inside out.

He still shivers remembering the time you just walked into his house not registering that Flounder’s makeup looks kind of scary up close-

All of his pride was sacrificed that day. All of it.

On the morning of opening night, Kei was walking you to the school, pretending to be bitchy about it being on a Saturday.

“C’mon, what am I supposed to do all day?”

As luck would have it, he’s stuck sitting next to one Hinata Shoyo. Lovely.

So he sat down next to him, and ignored him the whole show. I mean, it worked, he shut up after thirty seconds.

After the show, Kei has to wait a bit for you to take your makeup off, but when you come running out, he can’t hold back a tiny grin.

“That was good. I’m proud of you.”

And then he took you to dinner because singing makes a bad bleep hungry 😌

Bokuto Kotarou

Listen, you’re loud, Bokuto’s loud-

So basically you two are on a mission to not annoy Akaashi for as long as you can before inevitably getting yelled at for your affection and love and shit.

Now, both of you would love for this to be possible.

But the Frozen soundtrack makes it too difficult.

Especially when you can edit the lyrics just to piss off Konoha.

“Turn away and slAm the door *on Konoha”

“The wind is howling like the storm inside *of Konoha”

The possibilities are endless, really.

The game changer is when you two are belting out the song where Elsa and Anna are arguing.

And you accidentally hit the “I-i-I CANNNNT”

Akaashi is like for the love of GOD just audition for the play.

He quickly realizes that his suggestion was not a good idea.

Since guess what the musical is.

You’re auditioning as a joke, okay? You love Frozen, but this is a Fukurōdani Academy level play.

You didn’t expect to land the role of Olaf.

Your director sat you down and bluntly told you that he thought that you had the charisma and energy to be Olaf, but he knew that you were auditioning for a joke.

He needed you to be committed.

And hell yeah, you were gonna be committed.

At first, Bokuto was super proud of you! His s/o as a lead role? So impressive!

You even taught Bokuto your choreography for “In Summer”

He only retained half of it, but eh.

He’s a volleyball player. He tried.

As rehearsal times became longer and longer, Bokuto was a little upset at himself because he didn’t realize how committed you were until it hit him in the face.

Akaashi is there to get him out of his funk when you aren’t, though.

“They feel the same way when you need to be in the gym longer. It’s just a part of having a passion. Just utilize your time with them wisely.”

This bitch knows full well Bokuto doesn’t do ‘wise’ though, so he also sets to him a little more.

Dress rehearsals start, and Bokuto is always waiting for you to come out of the auditorium to ride the bus home.

You’re just bubbling over with stories about the magic of being on stage.

The lights, the microphones, the costumes, just talking about it makes you nostalgic already.

On opening night, Bokuto and Akaashi are there in the front row, going through the program.

“There’s y/n!!!!”

And you can’t see him because of the blinding spotlight, but you can hear Bokuto cheering for you after you finish “In Summer”

Afterwards he gives you a big hug, and you guys go home and watch Frozen.

Akaashi Keiji

When you start dating Akaashi in your second year at Fukurōdani, you’ve been on stage for the last ten years of your life.

Singing, acting, dancing, you love it all.

You’re even considering making it your career.

Akaashi doesn’t know much about theater at all, but he makes sure to do his research since it’s such a big part of your life.

The company you take acting classes with is having their winter show soon, and you couldn’t be happier when you figure out it’s ‘Into the Woods.’

Akaashi makes the mistake of asking the plot of the story.

“So basically there are these two infertile bakers with dead parents and there’s this witch that’s old and wrinkly and she comes to their house because fifty years ago the bakers dad stole her veggies and took the magic beans that made her look old and wrinkly-“

(A/n: this isn’t even half the plot)

He decides he’ll figure it out when he sees the play.

Akaashi knows that it’s a difficult one, though.

Sondheim doesn’t fuck around.

So you shouldn’t be beating yourself up about cracking on some of the high notes and screaming into your pillow.

He feels like an idiot every time you ask him to give you constructive criticism.

He doesn’t know what to say. “That was good” is obviously not what you want to hear.

When the date of your audition rolls around, he has early morning practice.

So he sends you a text saying how far you’ve come already and he’ll be proud even if you end up being a tree and break a leg (he’s very proud of that part. Theater lingo with Akaashi 101)

He’s very pleased to hear through your extremely fast and animated chattering that you killed it.

You were going to be Jack from “Jack and the Beanstalk.”

He’s still not sure how that correlates with infertile bakers, but he’ll go with it.

You also have a notoriously hard solo, “Giants in the sky.”

Akaashi is very impressed.

All you two do is practice that song, until Akaashi is half sure he could sing the song if he really gave an effort.

(He tries seriously one time. He can’t sing. To save his life. Sorry Keiji and RIP y/n’s ears.)

“Maybe you’re just not a soprano?”

“I’ll leave the limelight to you.”

Rehearsals always leave you drained. There are so many dance numbers in the play that you have to go over.

And songs, oh god, the songs are pieces of work.

But you wouldn’t trade it for the world, so Keiji stays close, and is endlessly supportive.

You sent him a picture of your Jack costume, and Keiji is like that is kind of adorable ngl-

He walks into the auditorium you’re performing in, and even he’s nervous to be in there. It’s huge.

But when you walk on the stage, and start belting, all the breath leaves his lungs.

Oh. Ohhhhhhh. He understands the plot now.

#kuroo #haikyuu headcannons #tsukishima #akaashi #bokuto #kuroo x reader #tsukishima x reader #akaashi x reader #bokuto x reader #kuroo headcanons #tsukishima headcanons #akaashi headcanons #bokuto headcannons #haikyuu

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cottagehowell · 3 years

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okay so I'm seeing a lot of people going "I always thought DEH was horrible bc Evan says he knows Connor to get with Connor's sister" etc. etc. without actually knowing the details of how it happens in the musical

disclaimer: I don't actually like the musical that much, I like some of the music but I agree that it gets really repetitive. also, I really only like the music in act 1 (with a couple of exceptions), so I'm really comfortable with the plot at the beginning, but once it gets to the Connor Project, I really only vaguely know what happens. also, like most people, I haven't seen the movie

OKAY let's start with Evan and Connor meeting. contrary to many posts that I've seen, they DID meet each other. Evan goes to the computer lab one day before school to print out a letter to himself - his therapist makes him write these letters, "Dear Evan Hansen, Today's a good day, and here's why....." So as he's printing this out, Connor comes into the computer lab, looking kind of intimidating, but generally being nice to Evan, asking him about his cast, how he broke his arm, whatever. Since no one has signed Evan's cast because he has no friends, Connor signs it in big letters to fill the whole thing up, which is really sweet! it's a nice moment. and then Connor sees Evan's letter to himself, sees that it mentions Connor's sister Zoe because Evan has a crush on her, and Connor gets understandably pissed off. he takes the letter and storms out. for Evan, this is the end of the interaction. it was weird and awkward, but it's done, and his only worry is that Connor might find him and like beat him up over it or something.

when Connor kills himself, his parents find the Dear Evan Hansen letter in Connor's pocket, and they assume it's a letter written by Connor to his secret best friend Evan Hansen. they're overjoyed in the greatest capacity they can be having lost their son, because at least their loner son had a friend, someone to help him through it all, even if he didn't make it through. Connor's parents feel somewhat culpable for Connor's death because they really didn't give him the support he needed, so the idea of Connor having had someone to support him takes a load off of the parents and makes them feel less guilty.

the following day at school, Evan is called into the principal's office. when he gets there, Connor's parents and sister are all there (he probably doesn't even know who Connor's parents are when he first sees them, but he definitely knows Zoe), and they tell Evan that Connor killed himself. and Evan is understandably confused because that shouldn't have anything to do with him. and then they show him the letter and make it clear that they think Evan and Connor were friends, which is corroborated by Connor having signed Evan's cast, and they effectively thank Evan for having been there for their son. and Evan goes along with it, both because of his anxiety and because it would be super awkward for anybody to go "sorry, your son actually didn't have any friends, I met him for the first time yesterday when he signed my cast and then was a dick to me and ran off." the idea of Evan being Connor's friend is clearly providing a lot of comfort to Connor's parents, so Even lets them think that they were friends because that's an action that seems totally harmless.

and then Connor's parents want Evan to be part of their lives, almost as a way for Connor to live on with them, and they start asking Evan all kinds of questions about their friendship. and that's where Evan starts to lie. ultimately, he's still trying to comfort the family by creating stories where Connor was kind and had fun and was trying to get better. in the process, he ends up almost gaslighting Zoe into doubting the existence of the emotional abuse she endured at the hands of her brother, but even for her, Evan is trying to provide an alternate history where Connor actually liked her. it's worth noting that Evan is also trying to sell the lie to himself because it would've been nice to have had a friend. Connor and Evan initially got along when they met, they're both in dire need of a friend, they both struggle with mental illness, and their families mirror each other in the show. if things had gone differently, I really believe that they could've been friends. and this possibility is so appealing to Evan, especially in the song "For Forever," where Evan rewrites the story of his suicide attempt to be a day out with Connor where Connor comes to help him after Evan falls from a tree.

is it shitty that Evan uses this opportunity to get with Zoe? absolutely. was lying at all not the best move? totally, but also he's a teenager who struggles interacting with people, so I don't blame him so much for getting himself in this mess. I never felt like Evan was really at fault for starting the lies, especially since it was such a great source of comfort for everyone involved, and since Connor's parents pretty much just pushed their assumptions on him. he's definitely a morally grey character, even more so as the plot goes on, but I don't think his actions become truly shitty until he starts getting some personal gain with it i.e. the resources of a more affluent family, dating Zoe, the celebrity of starting the Connor Project, etc.

also, I've seen the argument that audiences thought Evan was totally excused from his actions because of his anxiety. this was 2017, peak "uwu smol bean" era, so people online definitely felt that way, but I think critical reception (and like, normal reception by adults) of the musical was more nuanced. pretty much all musical theatre fandom at the time relied on super reductive, black-and-white thinking to categorize characters, so it's no surprise that a show with a more-than-typically morally gray main character would be super distorted by fandom. I've also seen complaints about people shipping Evan with Connor, which, yeah, that was pretty fucked up. since we really only get to see Connor through Evan's romanticized made-up stories about him, it's easy to read a romantic interest into it, especially when "Sincerely, Me" does make gay jokes about them, and also I heard that a lot of people thought the song "For Forever" was a gay love story without the context of the musical. food for thought. anyway it's not a particularly shippable musical in the first place, so pretty much the only other ships were Evan with side character Jared and Zoe with side character Alana. I can understand people gravitating towards the ship of two main characters, even if they didn't actually know each other and it's kinda fucked up

#dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen movie #deh #long post #sorry #i dont mean to excuse things that evan did or things that the fandom did #but i do think that the beginning of the lies is at least very understandable in the musical

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rhapsodyinprogress · 3 years

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Top 5 musicals?

AGH. Okay this is hard, I love many many musicals, lol. Okay no particular order:

5. Les Miserables - Predictable? Yes. Do I care? No, lol. Les Mis was probably the first musical that hit my radar as a very small child and I’ve loved it for literally most of my life. The songs, the score the (original) staging are all just ugh, perfect in my opinion. I saw Les Mis live for the first time when I was 13 with Colm Wilkinson playing Valjean and when I say that the theatre STOOD and applauded for three full minutes after he sung “Bring Him Home” is STILL doesn’t fully capture the magic of that performance. I got to do Les Lis live on stage six years ago, and I tell you on opening night when those first chords played, half the cast burst into tears. Also it has the world’s most perfect finale, ever in anything.

4. A Chorus Line - I did a big long post at one point about how this show almost single handedly gave me, like, my life as I know it, so there’s obviously a huge personal connection to this one. Also it’s brilliant. There is no bad part, every one of the characters on the line is interesting, the music is sensational, it was hella groundbreaking in how frankly it discussed things like body image and ageism in theatre and LGBTQ+ issues and sex and puberty and, like, pretty much every issue you can think of, but it does it with humour and so much heart. PLUS THE DANCING. Gah. No show does dancing like A Chorus Line.

3. Titanic - YES IT’S A THING. Lol. This is my most oddball choice I think? First, almost no one knows about this one, plus it sounds like a joke, lol. But really, it came out BEFORE the James Cameron movie and has some of the most beautiful choral music ever written. Like go listen to Godspeed Titanic. It’s glorious. The musical had it’s issues, not the least of which being the necessity of staging an massive ocean liner sinking in real time. It features a gazillion characters to show slices of life from all over the ship, which is equal turns lovely - because you get a real scope for how many people were impacted - and frustrating, because it’s hard to bond with anyone (though, for my money, most people will bond with 3rd class passengers Kate & Jim, and not JUST because I played Kate once, lol)

2. Assassins - I don’t like doubling up so I tried to pick just ONE Sondhiem musical, and though I easily could have gone for Sweeney Todd or Into the Woods (both of which I love intensely) Assassins wins out simply because it is SO FUCKED UP. And yeah, I’m weird like that. But really, it’s dark and twisty and very much not for everyone, but it’s also, in my opinion, a work of staggering genius (if you can stomach it).

1. Come From Away - Look, I don’t have any hate on for Dear Evan Hansen, but Come From Away got heckin’ ROBBED at the Tony’s that year, fight me. Okay don’t actually fight me, but god damn I love this show. No, not just because of its Canadian roots, though, yes that absolutely plays a factor I just... I don’t know I love it. This musical came along just at the right time to give everyone good feelings and hope and remind us all that even in the absolutely worst of days there are people who will help, and people who will love you, and I dunno, I have many many feelings. Also, I saw this with the original cast while it was in pre-Broadway previews in Toronto, and I have NEVER had a live theatre experience like that before or since. It was like the entire room was breathing and laughing and crying as one. Pure magic, basically.

For the Top 5 Anything Ask!

#top 5 #meg asks #musicals #musical theatre

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lostinfantasies38 · 3 years

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Ten Favorite Dialogues from 2020

I picked 10 dialogue exchanges that I loved from the stories I posted this year. A few of them are from the same stories, since I spent a good chunk of the year working on long fics instead of one shots or shorter stories. Under the cut bc they are lengthy.

I also realized that most of my zingers tend to be in my descriptions and don’t always make it into my character’s dialogue. I might have to change that.

In no particular order:

Dorian chuckled. “Honestly, you two are disgraceful. You can’t come to a club looking like sex on legs when you aren’t single. You’re going to give people a heart attack.”

“Jealous, Dorian?” Alistair needled.

“Insanely,” he replied smoothly. “Aside from myself and Zevran,”—he saluted the elf who shot him a saucy wink—“you’re the most attractive men here. And to add insult to injury, you’re together,” he sighed dramatically.

Accidental Alliance, a oneshot modern Cullistair AU

“Step two of the pie liberation was to avoid suspicion of the adults.” Evan giggled at Connor’s phrasing and thought he heard Alex snort in amusement, too. “Zoe’s job was to act as a distraction, which wasn’t hard to accomplish because Cynthia decked her out in this frilly monstrosity that every woman within a five-mile radius oohed and aahed over. She fucking hated it, of course, but it worked in our favor for The Plan. And yes, those are honest to God capitals, babe. Think Mission Impossible: Thanksgiving 2010.”

“Alternate title: Pie Larceny,” Evan quipped, overjoyed by Connor’s rich laughter. Alex definitely chuckled at that.

“Yes! Oh my God, that’s amazing. I’m totally renaming it Pie Larceny.”

Save Me From Myself - part 3 of my DEH series, Connor Murphy/Evan Hansen

“It makes me want to wrap you in blankets and bubble wrap and smother you with attention until you’re sick of looking at me, though.”

A broken laugh tumbled out of Evan’s mouth. “Well, there’s a mental picture. What are you gonna do? Roll me down the street?”

“I’m working out the logistics, but rolling you around does sound kinda fun,” Connor teased.

Snorting, Evan retorted, “I mean, you do have practice rolling joints. Guess a bundled up boyfriend isn’t much difference.”

Connor’s borderline hysterical laughter almost drowned out Evan’s airy chuckles. “Jesus Christ, Evan,” he wheezed, shakily wiping away tears.

Save Me From Myself - part 3 of my DEH series, Connor Murphy/Evan Hansen

Returning his head to the shadows, he hissed, “Sister Agnes is milling around. I need a distraction so I can reach our room.”

Kai grinned and pulled a dehydrated pepper from his pocket. “Down the hatch.”

Gavin stopped him with a concern expression. “Are you sure about this?”

He snorted softly. “Please, I grew up eating these. My mum sends them because she knows I love them. They’re like candy. I’ll be shitting fire for a week, but they don’t hurt my mouth. I’ll burn hot and sweat like crazy though. Trust me, it’ll work.”

The redhead arched an eyebrow. “So you carry them in your pocket at all times?”

“No,” Kai answered irritably. “That’s why I needed Easton earlier. To act as a distraction for me so I could get it out of my room.”

Gavin sighed. “If you’re sure. I mean, we could brawl in the hallway, that would work, too.”

Alistair glanced around the corner. “Hurry up and choose. I’m not waiting forever.” Kai smirked and popped the pepper in his mouth.

“Well, that decides it,” Gavin groaned. Alistair tried not to laugh as over the course of a few minutes, Kai’s face visibly flushed in response to the spicy heat and sweat pooled under his hair, running in rivulets across his face.

“How do I look?” he asked.

“Like you’ve got the sweat,” Gavin replied sardonically.

“Perfect,” he retorted. “Right, good luck, Alistair. If I fail to distract everyone, Gavin’s got you covered.”

Find Me Well Within Your Grace - young Cullistair prequel fic - excerpt from Ch 11 featuring a few of my OCs and Alistair

Wrapping his arms around her as she hummed at the stove, he said, “Sirra and Alistair either just left my apartment or she only now deigned to tell me they’re gone.”

Eowyn grinned wickedly at him, checking the clock on the dining room wall. “My, my! Four hours later! Scandalous.”

“I wish you could have seen them. The magnetism! It was instant.”

She giggled. “I saw the photos. That’s more of Alistair’s almost-O face than I ever want to see again, thanks very much.”

He snorted. “Fair enough.” After a pause, Zevran chuckled, “I give them a month.”

Rounding on him in horror, Eowyn stared at him with wide mossy eyes. “You just said they were perfect together! Do you think we made a mistake?”

“No, amore mio. I mean, I give them a month before they elope. I might have been party to their engagement shoot today.”

She blinked slowly as the giggles built until she was clutching the kitchen counter in a fit of uncontrolled mirth. “Okay, that may be accurate knowing Alistair!”

“I’m thinking of changing my business cards. Should I add ‘Matchmaker Extraordinaire’ or ‘Signor Soulmate’?” he asked cheekily.

Shot In The Dark - Sirra Brosca/Alistair modern AU oneshot [dialogue shown is between Zevran/OC]

Cullen grinned with him. “Me either. Maybe we can improve your chess skills enough for you to graduate from mediocre.”

“Oh, ha ha. You and the others can have fun with that, thanks very much. Here I was hoping we could spend more time in bed,” he teased, sliding a hand into his curls.

Rolling his eyes playfully, the blonde retorted, “Of course, count on you to think how often we can sleep together instead of improving our skills.”

“That is how we improve our skills.”

“Training skills, you fiend.”

Heaving a melodramatic sigh, Alistair quipped, “Well, one of us has to be the boring one in the relationship. Glad it’s not me.” Cullen elbowed him gently in the ribs, chuckling along with his lover’s bright laughter.

Find Me Well Within Your Grace - young Cullistair prequel fic, excerpt from Ch 12

“You’re not worthless,” Alistair whispered. The breath she’d been holding passed her lips with a tiny mewl of surprise. Still unable to look at one other, Alistair kept his hand on her wrist and she resisted the urge to scoot further away.

Sirra murmured, “You don’t know me, Alistair. You can’t say that.”

“I can,” he insisted firmly, his fingers pressing just a bit harder on her flesh. “It doesn’t matter who you were. When you join the Grey Wardens, all that matters is who you are. I may not know who you used to be in Orzammar, but I have a pretty good idea who you are in the sun.”

Sun Touched - excerpt from Ch 4

“I’m sorry, Alistair, I wanted to surprise you. Most dwarves in Orzammar, caste and casteless alike, have genital piercings. It’s cultural and unrelated to murder.”

His eyebrows climbed into his hair. “Even the men? How in the Maker’s name does that work?” Sirra opened her mouth to explain, but he hastily held up a hand and shivered. “Rhetorical question. Please do not answer that.”

Sun Touched - excerpt from Ch 14

“I love you, too,” she murmured, gracing him with a watery smile. “If I had known you were up here, I would have left Orzammar years ago and tracked you down,” Sirra mused, only half joking.

“Oh, really?” he quirked an eyebrow in amusement. “I can just imagine you sneaking into the droll monastery and breaking me out. I would have assumed you were a figment of my imagination, a desire demon, or Maker-sent. Regardless, I doubt I could have resisted the mischievous glint in your eyes as you crept in to find me in my smalls, surrounded by thirty other recruits, and told me to run away with you.”

Laughing, Sirra raked her short nails down his toned chest. “A naked teenage version of you? I would have taken you on the spot, letting the recruits feast their eyes on us, before dashing out the front door with your bare ass in tow.”

He closed his eyes with a lusty moan, and swallowed hard, his voice strained when he replied. “Definitely Maker-sent then. To think, we could have been on the lam for the last few years, making mad love wherever we went.”

Sighing melodramatically, Alistair smirked and playfully bopped the tip of her nose with his. “Ah, well, at least I have you now and that’s all that matters.”

Sun Touched - excerpt from Ch 17

10.

“Stop it,” Morrigan mumbled irritably.

Alistair feigned innocence. “Stop what? I’m sitting here like a good patient. I wasn’t even talking until right now.”

Yellow eyes bored into hazel as the subtle light faded around them, his shoulder apparently healed. “You know very well what. Stop staring at my hands. ‘Tis most distracting.”

“And here I thought it was my hands distracting you during the fight,” he smirked. “Not where my eyes happened to land. How could you have known that I might have been paying attention, if you weren’t observing me, too, hmm?”

Scoffing, Morrigan took a large step back and crossed her arms haughtily over her chest. “You are insufferable.”

Sheathing his sword, Alistair shrugged with affected boredom. “I may be insufferable, Morrigan, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Deny it all you want, but we both know the truth.”

Snagging his shield from where it fell on the ground, he slung it over his back and murmured for her ears alone. “Besides, for a cranky witch who grew up in a swamp, they’re surprisingly soft and gentle… when they want to be, that is.”

You Give Me That Lovin’ Feelin’ - ch 2. Part 1 of 3 of Morristair written for @scharoux 14 Days of DA Lovers

#tag game #fave dialogues #my ocs #my writing #lostinfantasies38 #Sun Touched #FMWWYG #find me well #14 days of DA lovers #deh #dear evan hansen #dragon age #cullistair #sirrastair #morristair #evan x connor

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mysteriousxmidnight · 4 years

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I'm curious your thoughts on all the parents, minute Mark Hansen because fuck that douche for running of with a cocktail waitress.

First of all, I love that this fandom collectively thinks Mark Hansen is an asshole. I’M SO HERE FOR IT!!!

So let’s start with Heidi, then. I adore Heidi. I think Heidi is The Best Mom. I think she would do ANYTHING for Evan. She tries her best and does her best, given her circumstances. The first time I saw DEH, I rolled my eyes a little bit at her “cluelessness.” She REALLY believed a different Connor had signed Evan’s cast? But I think she just wanted SO BADLY for Evan to be okay, she just wanted to believe him when he said he was. I also think we learn a LOT about her from So Big/So Small and In the Bedroom Down the Hall, and I highly recommend listening closely to the lyrics of both. So, okay, nothing too deep or analytical here. I just really love Heidi and I’ll fight anyone who disagrees (or not because I’d lose in an actual fight please don’t hurt me). tl;dr: Heidi loves Evan fiercely, would do anything for him, and is The Best.

Now for the Murphy’s. *Cracks knuckles.* I firmly believe in Larry redemption. I know a lot of people like to just call him an asshole and move on. I don’t want to brush off the fact that he accused Connor of trying to kill himself for attention because THAT IS NOT OKAY!! But I do believe, if Connor had lived, that Larry could have worked on understanding Connor and would have come to the realization that it wasn’t for attention, that his son WAS hurting. Many argue that since he “didn’t cry at the funeral” and comes off cold throughout most of the show, that he’s just a stone cold asshole and I Disagree. I think Larry has a LOT of issues with expressing emotions - I hc that his own father was very stone cold and probably raised Larry to believe men shouldn’t express their emotions and “men don’t cry.” And he tried to raise his son the same way, and just didn’t know how to handle it when that didn’t work. His parenting choices were questionable, yes. I think the biggest problem was that he didn’t understand mental illness and didn’t know how to do what was best for Connor. He didn’t know how to talk to him, and had basically given up - we see in their opening scene that he doesn’t think Connor will listen to him, anyway, and doesn’t even care that his son is high at, like, what? 7am? But I think there are a LOT of moments that show just how distraught Larry is over his son’s death. He has part of “Connor’s” letter memorized. He reads it from memory in the principal’s office. So he clearly read it a LOT. Also, obviously, his breakdown during YWBF. It’s also probably why he avoided Connor’s room before that - it hurt too much to be in Connor’s room, to realize that his son was really gone. Also the version of Requiem with his original solo? Oh, ouch. If you haven’t listened, go listen. It’s very telling. I also think it’s part of why he latched into Evan - a lot of people argue it’s because Evan was the perfect son Larry always wanted. I just think he saw this boy that was his son’s “friend” and just wanted a second chance to do things right. So yeah... I know the “Larry Redemption vs. Larry is an asshole” argument is very big in this fandom, but no one will ever be able to convince me that he didn’t genuinely love his son and want to help him. He just didn’t know how.

And, finally, Cynthia! Cynthia, like Heidi, just wanted what was best for her son. She tried. Like with Larry, I just don’t think she understand mental illness enough, and didn’t know how to help him. The cut song A Little Bit of Light is FANTASTIC and WILL make you cry. But please listen to it on YouTube. It really shows a us a lot about Cynthia. She tried pills and clinics and doctors. She tried and kept trying, kept hoping to get through to Connor. She was a little bit clueless sometimes, but she loved her son very much. She even argued with Larry to try to get Connor MORE help. She tried and you can’t tell me she didn’t care. I think she would have done ANYTHING for Connor, and would have kept pushing to help him if he’d lived. I truly believe she and Connor could have repaired their relationship. I also think Connor had a soft spot for Cynthia. In the opening scene, she’s the only one Connor tries to joke with, the only one he doesn’t snap at (well, he doesn’t snap at Larry, either, because he doesn’t say a word to him at all. But he rolls his eyes and obviously doesn’t respect him, so). I think that says a lot, too. So, yeah, as with Heidi, there isn’t much here that’s very in-depth or analytical. But it’s just how I feel.

So yeah! I probably haven’t said anything that other people haven’t said (and other people probably said it better). But that’s that. I just think these parents all TRIED in the best way they knew how. I truly believe they’d give their kids the world, if they could.

Thanks for the ask, this was fun to talk about :)

#mysterious ramblings #mysterious deh headcanons

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pinkdaisies34 · 4 years

Text

You Make My Dreams Come True (Connor Murphy x OC) Part 1

I slammed the car door and walked slowly towards the school. It was the first day back so the steps to the entrance were filled with people catching up with their friends. I scanned the groups in front of me, searching for my best friend Melissa. “Hey Iz!” I grinned at her and she pulled me into a hug. “I’ve missed you, can’t believe how quickly this summer went!” “I know! Missed you as well, wish you could have come to England with me.” My family had decided to spend the whole summer back in England where most of my family lived. I had joined Roosevelt High school last year and had quickly became friends with Mel after she showed me round.

“I can’t believe you and Mike broke up at the end of summer!” Mel exclaimed as we went to find our new lockers. despite me telling her that a. I didn’t want to talk about it and b. we had only been together for 3 months so wasn’t a proper relationship. Mike was cute and had been nice enough but I never felt a spark and towards the end of summer felt like it just wasn’t working. He had been upset and I was dreading seeing him around but I didn’t see the point in staying with someone who I wasn’t that interested in. “Oh god. Look who’s back!” Mel hissed in my ear. I turned around and saw Connor Murphy in front of me. His hair had grown a lot over summer, a style I couldn’t help noticing that he suited. Despite it being warm outside, he was wearing a massive coat and black lace up boots. He was frantically trying to open his locker and seemed to be getting more annoyed every time he tried. “I’m just going to go and and help him..” I started walking towards him when Mel grabbed my arm and pulled me back. “Knowing him, he’ll hit you or something!” I rolled my eyes at her. Mel had always been negative about Connor Murphy, claiming that he had thrown a printer at a teacher when he was younger and had been suspended from a private school he went to for dealing drugs. Connor had clearly overheard us and turned around, glaring at us both before storming off. “I can’t believe Zoe is his sister, poor her” Mel sighed and started putting her books into her locker. I had never spoken to Zoe but she had always seemed nice and I knew she was involved in a band at school. Connor and her were like chalk and cheese; Zoe had a big friend group whilst Connor didn’t seem to hang out with anyone.

I glanced around the school corridor, I always found it interesting seeing how people changed over summer. Over by the water foundation, I spotted Evan Hansen. Evan was in my History and English class and rarely spoke in either unless forced to by the teacher. I had smiled at him a few times when seeing him in class but he often seemed nervous about making eye contact and had just looked away when I did. His style clearly hadn’t changed over summer as he was wearing the same blue polo shirt and jeans he always wore last year but instead he had a arm cast. I frowned at it, wondering what had happened. He was chatting away to Jared, who was clearly not listening as he was staring at Brittany Snow. As soon as Connor stormed back past, I noticed Jared raise an eyebrow. “Hey Murphy! Nice hair, very school shooter chic!” Connor immediately froze and narrowed his eyes at Jared. “It’s just a joke, you freak” Jared muttered before walking off. “What are you looking at?! Connor snapped at a nervous looking Evan. “Nothing” Evan whimpered before laughing nervously. “I’m not the freak, you are!” Connor pushed him over and rushed off towards the school grounds, clearly upset. Most people just stood there in shock before a girl with violet streaks in her hair rushed over; Zoey Murphy. “I’m so sorry! He’s such a douche” she muttered whilst helping Evan up.

Connor Murphy became the talk of the school over lunch. Everyone was whispering to their friends about him pushing Evan and how he was such a bully. Part of me felt sorry for him. If Jared had not made the stupid comment then he wouldn’t have felt so upset. After grabbing lunch in the canteen with Mel, I decided to try and find Connor. I felt bad for not sticking up for him and wanted to see if he was okay. I walked out onto the empty football pitch, trying to find him. A group of seniors I didn’t know were nearby and I asked them if they had seen him anywhere, one of them pointed to a far away tree and I walked over. Connor was sat with his back against the tree trunk, smoking a spliff. I suddenly felt nervous, I haven’t properly spoken to him before and a fact I hadn’t told Mel or anyone else was that I had a slight crush on him since first seeing him last year. When Mel had been giving me the tour of the school, Connor had been sitting outside the counsellor’s office, staring at the wall. “Hi Murphy” Mel called out to him as we walked slowly pastand he glanced in our direction, his brown eyes meeting mine, causing butterflies to rise in my stomach. He was much better looking than I expected (Mel hadn’t been very kind about his looks or personality) and each time I saw him after, the butterflies grew. Despite his temper issues, he didn’t seem like a bad person; just misunderstood. His eyes were closed and he looked a lot more relaxed than earlier. I coughed and he opened his eyes slowly, his expression changing to annoyance as soon as he noticed me. “You can tell whoever sent you that I’m not going back in there” he snapped and grabbed a book next to him. “Just tell them I’m catching up on work.” “No one sent me, I just wanted to check you’re alright.” He rolled his eyes, clearly not believing me. “I’m fine, I have everything I need.” I stood there, feeling awkward. He pushed his bag to the side and indicated that I should sit down. “So you’re really here to check I’m okay?” He asked before looking confused when I nodded. He smiled slightly, which made the butterflies appear again. “Thanks I guess” he muttered, “so you joined last year?” I returned the smile and started telling him about new life in the US.

#dear evan hansen #connor murphy #fanfic #deh fanfic #connor x oc

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discountshostakovich · 5 years

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How to make Be More Chill a good musical

Be More Chill is a show I have a huge soft spot for- it’s a fantastic premise (both the idea of the Squip and the elements of parodying all the shitty tropes we have in stories about youth) and there’s some pretty clever and fun music.

However, in the transition to Broadway, the producers of the show compounded on the flaws of the original, while moving farther away from what made the Two River version likable- most notably, trying to pander to the fans of the show that boosted it into popularity on social media. Not even a bad idea, but they did it really poorly. The way they ought to have gone was to rewrite the leading characters, among other stuff.

But first, I’ll quickly go over what works about Be More Chill that spoke to me when I first stumbled upon it- defining the paradigm of the concept makes it easier to understand why I’d change what I’d change.

Be More Chill, in a lot of ways, is/was a deconstruction of the School Musical- think Mean Girls, Legally Blonde, Dear Evan Hansen, and, to an extent, Heathers. That deconstruction is pretty half baked because it focuses too hard on being funny, but all of the pieces are there. For example, Jeremy being the stooge that he is allows for some commentary about the nature of the milquetoast, inherently relatable protagonists we’ve gotten too used to. Michael, the stereotypical best friend who would do anything for the protagonist, is a vessel for the show to ask us to think about the plot-devicey nature of these characters- are they people with feelings, or do they exist for the protagonist to bounce off of? The ever-present trio of popular girls seem to be bratty queen bees, but we get to peek into the dysfunction and insecurities that drive that behavior. (This is the pretty much the only aspect the Broadway show nailed almost perfectly.) You get the idea for the other archetypes- the immaculate Love Interest, Dorky Dad, Jock, Bully, etc.

Keeping that in mind, the way to make this a good show is to reframe Be More Chill as a revision of the cultural staple of those tropes into a modern context. Those rewrites I mentioned start to really fit into a more cohesive and satisfying narrative when you do so.

Character rewrites: Michael and Christine, as they are now, exist as characters that enable Jeremy to develop- realistically, yes, that is the job of every supporting character, but that doesn’t exclude them from having their own arcs and development.

Michael: Michael in The Bathroom is so effective- not only is it a punch in the gut, but it’s a big moment where the archetype is ripped open and the audience realizes that Michael actually matters and how harmful Jeremy’s actions are. However, the show does nothing with that- Michael goes right back to existing solely for Jeremy. For Michael, I’d suggest that his ending isn’t just straight up forgiving Jeremy unconditionally- Michael is willing to take the shot, to come in and save the day, perhaps in a reprise of MITB where he decides that he’ll be brave enough to confront his friend’s stupid actions. After working with Jeremy in the Play, he is reassured that he and Jeremy are good friends who work well, but he makes it clear to Jeremy how hurt he was by his treatment and that Jeremy needs to be a better friend. As such, Michael learns that he is worth being treated well by others and most importantly himself. That gives him an arc- he starts dependent on Jeremy, anxious, and using his love for his friend as an excuse to ignore his own issues, and ends having learned how to healthily give and take in a relationship and to respect himself.

Christine: Christine, on the other hand, is an object on a pedestal for Jeremy to attain and literally almost nothing else. There’s a little bit to her- Christine is afraid of life skipping her by, and wants “things to be easy”. So, instead of being the cardboard cutout she is, Christine should be motivated by finding the easiest way to meet her self-imposed standards of being fulfilled- successful at Theater and in a happy relationship. This characterization displays the problematic nature of the generic love interest for love interest’s sake. Christine dates Jake not because Jeremy needs a motivator to embrace the squip, but because she’s afraid and lonely. “A Guy I’d Be Into” and “Upgrade” would feel disingenuous and artificial, which both explores how wrong Christine’s forcing a relationship is, and the trope-y teeny bopper song. At the end of the show, she fights to break put of the trance, which leads the Squip to bring up Jake, offering Christine the chance to become that fulfilled person she dreams of. Christine refuses, and she becomes the one to deactivate the Squips. That way, both Christine and Michael’s decisions to do the best thing allow them to be heroes alongside Jeremy. (Jeremy’s moment of redemption comes anyway, when he decides to try and break the Squips hold on the school, but fails because of his previous surrendering of control to the machine.) When Jeremy finally gathers the strength to ask her out, she declines, saying that she doesn’t really know Jeremy all that well and that she just isn’t ready for a relationship- but she won’t close the door. So, her arc goes from feeling helpless and needing to meet arbitrary standards to finding the independence she wants for the rest of the world in herself.

Jeremy: Christine and Michael’s new arcs, of course, both define the growth Jeremy needs to undergo perfectly. Jeremy needs to learn how to expect respect from others and for himself, and he needs to learn that dating Christine and being popular aren’t the keys to his happiness. As a result, the supporting cast enables Jeremy’s development by teaching him by example while still being relevant and alive characters. However, Jeremy doesn’t deserve the happy ending he gets. I addressed that he shouldn’t magically become all chummy with Michael and Chrstine already, but Jeremy’s decision to decline the Squip only earns him the chance for redemption. It makes no sense that everything is perfect with his dad and the rest of the school all declaring themselves his unconditional friends. Brooke should be rightfully upset at being used by Jeremy, Mr Heere should be furious at Jeremy for his misbehavior, and so on. Jeremy made the mess, and it will be a lot harder for him to earn forgiveness. At the end of the story, Jeremy should instead come to the conclusion that he has a long way to go to become happy, and begin the climb to self improvement- the current resolution is only half of that. (“Of all the voices in my head, the loudest one is mine/So I guess I’ll start the uphill climb/It might be hard but that’s just fine! [Im no lyricist, but you get the idea.]) So, the story ends on a high note, with the people who did the right thing succeeding, and Jeremy repairing the damage he’s done and to earn his happiness- a modern refinement of the ending of these kinds of stories, thus completing the deconstruction.

Other stuff:

Transitioning away from character fixes, the show has an awful flow from song to song- numbers like Halloween and the Smartphone Hour are vestigial little criticisms of youth culture that jack up the pacing of the thing and rip you out of the story. You know something is wrong when someone burning down a house is irrelevant to the plot. The way I’d fix that is to more closely involve Jeremy in those parts of the plot. Jeremy should immerse himself fully in the party, singing his own lyrics about his transition into the lifestyle the Squip wants for him. The audience can be aware of how dangerous this is- the drugs and alcohol at the party, the gossip loop about rich, Jeremy’s awful treatment of Brooke, and so on, but Jeremy is invested in it and loving it. That makes his decision to fight the Squip after seeing Christine’s disgust at him taking one that much more impactful- it’s the turning point of the show, and yet it is irrelevant in the plot compared to the Play.

The show tries to be too much to be liked by its younger fans- Loser, Geek, Whatever is the worst example of this. Just because a line makes someone go “SKDKSDSKDJSKDS MICHAEL IS SO GAY I CANT” or “JEREMY IS SUCH A GOOD PORTRAYAL OF G.A.D. OMG” online doesn’t mean it’s good writing. Some other examples where pandering ruins stuff: the “Do you love him?” joke in the Pants Song, “My mothers would be thrilled!”, that god awful ADD joke in Play Rehearsal, Rich coming out as bisexual.

I love the idea that the squip adopts the persona of someone it knows the victim will trust and idolize- it’s great worldbuilding that lets the viewer participate in the story by thinking about who theirs would be. However, that doesn’t mean you go all in on the Keanu Reeves joke! Jason Tam’s quip is so bad! Stop the stupid Keanu/Surfer voice! Please!

#be more chill #bmc #michael mell #jeremy heere #squip #musicals #musical #broadway

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justanotherdeadgirlwalking · 4 years

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That is Just the Saddest F**king Thing I Have Ever Heard.

TW obviously DEH is about a kid’s suicide, so it has those themes

other parts :)

Part One.

Cynthia said I had to go to school today. “It’s your senior year Connor,” she said, “you can’t miss the first day,” which was just complete bullshit. I tried to compromise, “I’ll go tomorrow,” I told her. No, I had to go. Mom just wanted to get me out of the house after watching me sleep and sit in my room all summer. “Today’s a chance to go make some friends” she told me.

Look it’s not my fault that I don’t have any fucking friends, and it’s not my fault that I can’t make friends because everyone thinks of me as big, bad Connor Murphy, the freak. I’m not a freak. People just have this false idea of me in their head and have never taken the time to actually get to know me. I’ve always been a hot topic of rumors, even though I’ve never done anything really worth talking about. Except the incident in second grade. Someone explain to me why something so stupid that happened when I was 8 years old is something people still use to talk shit about me. It is still a story that gets told from time to time, “oh stay away from Connor Murphy, he’s batshit crazy. He once threw a printer at Mrs. G. because he didn’t get to be line leader” That’s not the whole story. No one knows what really happened because they weren’t even there. I mean, yes I was upset that I didn’t get to be line leader, even though it was my turn, and yes I did shove the table that the printer was on, which caused it to fall. So, I mean, I guess I threw the printer in a sense, but what does it matter? I was a child. Do you know how much embarrassing shit people did in elementary school that doesn’t get talked about because, well geez, they were children, and they’ve grown since then. Fucking Alana Beck peed her pants probably seven times that year, but we don’t talk about that. Whatever.

Most likely, no one is going to be telling that story this year. There’s some new hot gossip about me. See, I spent my junior year at a private school. It was awesome, I actually had a friend, and I was doing well, but I got kicked out. They did random locker searches, and I had weed in my locker, barley half a gram. The best part is, the weed wasn’t even mine. Not that anyone cares, not that anyone is going to ask, or listen to my side of the story. Ironically, they found so much Adderall, in probably 50 lockers, and they got away without so much as a warning. So, pills are okay, I guess, but marijuana isn’t.

Look, unlike what my parents might think, it isn’t dangerous or addicting or bad. Newsflash weed doesn’t hurt anyone. You can’t die from being too high, but pills, you can die from taking too many pills. I told them that too, I showed them statistics and research to convince them marijuana isn’t bad, they sent me to rehab to help with my ‘addiction,’ but all it did was teach me new, worse habits and prescriptions for mood stabilizers.

I’ve always been on medications to try to help me with the depression and paranoia, but I don’t like how they make me feel. Usually, I keep the pills hidden so Mom and Dad don’t catch on that I’m not taking them. I just prefer weed anyways; weed just calms me down, while the other crap I’ve been prescribed puts in a zombie like daze. I just smoke a little weed every now and then to help me get through the day.

People are going to say whatever they want, but I guess that it doesn’t help that I smell like pot anyways. That smell, no matter how many times you wash your clothes or spray your belongings with ferbreeze, never goes away. Regardless, I know I’m not the only stoner, not that I’m a stoner, but most people act like it’s a fucking personality trait to smoke. They’ll go online and post pictures of their bowls and blunts, thinking that they’re cool, but I’m a burnout freak because I smoke.

Despite my protests, I found myself in the passenger seat of Zoe’s car as she drove me to school. Some people might think it’s lame to be driven around by their little sister, but I fucking hate driving. I get too distracted, plus, other people drive like absolute nimrods. I got enough stress in my life, why add the stress of driving.

The first day of school is always a waste; you never do anything meaningful or important. People just spend the day catching up with friends, talking obnoxiously loud about their trip to Italy, or how they built houses for the homeless, and you just do ridiculous ice breakers and make nametags. It’s not like I’m going to learn anything, I’m just going to sit through hours of “two truths and a lie.” Plus, I’ll have to sit through the embarrassment of no one volunteering to guess which of my statements is the lie. No one wants to waste their time with that. Though, I will admit, I came up with some good ones this year, “My birthday is 420, I like to draw, and I have a dog.” The lie, obviously, is that I have a dog. I’ve always wanted one, but Larry has always said no, “they’re too messy.”

I try not to let other people bother me. I just focus my gaze straight ahead, walking as quick as I can to my first class, avoiding obstacles the best I can. In my opinion, people that stand in the middle of the hallway to have their conversation do not deserve rights. Hi, you, and your conversation is not more important than me trying to get to class. Have some fucking decency and at least move over to the side, Jesus Christ. On the bright side, people do tend to move out of my way. It might be out of fear, but it’s convenient. I put my head down as I cut through the middle of two people. “Hey Connor” a boy calls, “Nice hair length,” he continues, “very ‘school-shooter’ chic.” Wow, was that really necessary; did they really have to stop me to tell me that? That’s what I need too: Connor Murphy, not only a freak, but also looks like a school shooter.

I stop in my tracks with a heavy thud as my boots hit the ground. I whip around to face the voice. I look up with a narrow gaze and see Jared Kleinman and Evan Hansen. They are two nobodies like me, but I guess they think they’re better than me.

“I was just kidding” Jared stutters, “It was a joke.”

“Oh, I know.” I say, with no emotion, “I thought it was funny, I’m laughing can’t you tell?” I close the space between us until I’m in his face, towering over him. I’m not a scary person, but I am 6’3”, so my height tends to intimidate people, plus I really like wearing all black. My physical appearance is really a shell of armor, no one knows how sensitive I really am. At least, people can’t walk all over me if they are scared of me. I stare him down, “Or am I not laughing hard enough for you” I say.

I found, that if you stare at someone long enough, they will leave you alone. Mostly, because they are creeped out. It must be working, because Jared takes a step back, “you’re such a freak,” he says as he turns to make a run for it.

Evan’s still standing there, laughing quietly to himself. “What the fuck are you laughing at” I snap at him.

“N-nothing” he stutters.

I turn to him, “do you think I’m a freak.” He’s still laughing to himself. “You’re the fucking freak,” I yell as shove him.

I pause for a moment, looking down at Evan, who is now on the ground. He looks scared, like really, scared. Does he think I’m going to beat him up? Has he been beaten up before? Who hurt him? I scan his body quickly; this kid is already in a cast. Great, I just pushed an injured kid. Maybe I really am a freak. What the fuck is wrong with me? I collect myself and quickly walk away. I don’t have time to deal with this. It’ll probably be a few hours before this goes around the school.

I make it to my locker, my eyes are still on Evan, who is still on the ground. He’s been on the ground for a while, surly he should’ve stood up by now. Fuck, did I break his legs? Zoe walks up to him and helps him up. He’s fine. I watch as Zoe talks to him for a few minutes. Even my own sister isn’t on my side. Thanks Zoe, I’ll remember that the next time you want me to cover for you when you sneak out. Mom and Dad might think I’m the fucked-up child, but they have no idea what kind of shit you get into.

Each class is a blur as I sit through hours of introductions. Finally, its time for lunch. I don’t have friends to sit with, and I don’t like to give people the satisfaction of watching me sit by myself, so usually I spend the period in the library. I’m safe among the stacks. Books can’t judge you, but they can be an escape from your fucked reality. I can’t find a place to sit in the main library, so I go in the back by the computers. There’s a kid talking on his phone, but I don’t think he’ll mind my presence. I find a seat in the corner and lose myself in a book.

Suddenly, I’m snapped back into reality when the printer goes off. It scared the shit out of me. I look at the paper the printer is spitting out, “Dear Evan Hansen” the top reads. I look over to see Evan hunched over a laptop, talking to himself. I don’t think this kid has any friends either, besides Jared, but Jared’s a dick. Evan isn’t a freak like me, but he’s just someone always in the background. Everyone knows who he is, but no one cares.

I should probably apologize to him about earlier.

I grab the paper and walk over to him, “Hey.” He looks up at me, startled. “So, what did you do to your arm anyways?” I ask him.

He looks down at is arm as if he’s confused as to what I’m talking about. “Oh”, he stammers “I fell out of a tree.”

I look at him, expecting him to say more, he doesn’t. “Well, that’s just the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard” I tell him.

“I know,” he says.

I look at his cast, its blank. I guess it makes sense, since he doesn’t have any friends. “Hey, no one’s signed your cast yet; I will,” I say.

“No, no you don’t have to” Evan whines.

“Do you have a sharpie?” I ask. He stares at me for a moment before he starts digging in his backpack and pulls out a marker, handing it to me. I grab his arm, and he winces. I ignore that and write my name as large as I can along the side of his cast. I figure, no one else is probably going to sign it, so I might as well take up as much real-estate as I can. “There,” I say, “now we can both pretend that we have friends.” Evan stares at his cast.

I remember that I still have his paper, “is this yours?” I ask, holding it out to him, “I found it on the printer, it says ‘Dear Evan Hansen,’ that’s you right?”

“Oh, that’s nothing, um, it’s stupid.” He tries to grab the paper from me, “It’s just an assignment”

I pull it out of his reach and look at it, my eyes land on Zoe’s name, “because there’s Zoe” I read aloud, “Did you write some freaky shit about my sister?”

“No, no” He stutters, trying to rip the paper out of my hand, “Why would I do that?”

“You wrote it because you knew I would find it” I snap, “So I would freak out and you can tell everyone that Connor Murphy is a fucking freak.”

“No” Evan cries.

I shove the paper into my pocket, “Fuck you” I say as I storm away.

I walk out of the library, and right out of the front door of the school. There’s still two periods left, but I don’t care, I’ve had enough of today. I keep walking, I don’t even know where I’m going. Eventually, when I’ve put enough distance between me and the school, I pause to pull out my headphones and put on some music. I don’t even care what I’m listening to, it just has to be loud enough to block out my thoughts.

I don’t feel bad about pushing Evan anymore; honestly that kid deserves way worse. He had to know I was in the room with him. No one is that oblivious to the world to not even notice that they’re not alone. Why would he write about my sister? Like does he have a weird fantasy about her that he just had to get down, and print out? Look buddy, most people keep their private thoughts in their head, where they belong.

I eventually reach a park, its oddly empty, but I guess all the children are still at school. I sit on a bench and throw my bag onto the ground, it rattles with impact. I pick it up to investigate the sound; I dig around until I find the source: a prescription bottle. I forgot that I had put my meds in here. I hold the bottle and read the label, it’s good old Prozac. I have refused to take it ever since it was prescribed to me. If you look it up, it has so many warnings and side effects listed, it doesn’t even seem worth it. Like there’s a small chance this will make you feel better, but there’s an even bigger chance that it might kill you, or make you want to kill yourself. The irony! They give you the medicine because you think about killing yourself, but the medicine makes you want to actually kill yourself. Do doctors even care about you, or do they just write you a prescription, so you go away?

I’ve never taken a single dose of this medication, outside of the hospital where they basically force it down your throat, but now seems like a good time to. I feel so numb, what does it even matter, it’s supposed to help me right? I swallow a pill, dry, and then another, and another. I keep swallowing them until I run out of pills. I throw the empty bottle on to the ground. Suddenly, I have a killer headache; I can feel my heart pounding, thoughts are racing in my mind. I lay down on the bench and take a deep breath.

#DEH #DEH fanfic #Dear evan hansen fanfic #deh fandom #dear evan hansen #dear connor murphy #connor murphy #mike faist #ben platt #musicals #fanfiction #fanfic #dear evan hansen fandom #connor murphy deh #zoe murphy #please validate me #trash

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fangirl-skeleton · 5 years

Text

How Do You Say ‘I Love You?’

A/N: So I've never actually written for a ship before. They've all been reader inserts, so bear with me.

Also idk if I'm actually going to make this into a series, every time I do I end up giving up, so I'm not going to make any commitments this time. And I'm sorry if I kinda shoved a bunch of different tropes into this one chapter.

But I had the idea for this and I had to write it. So here you go!

(This is based off of the song 'If I Could Tell Her' from Dear Evan Hansen btw. Virgil's lines are underlined in that song for your convenience.)

(Oh also this kinda came out angstier than I originally intended, I promise it's not too bad and the fluff outweighs it, but it does kinda have some angst mentioned.)

Warning: Mentions of anxiety (wow shocking), kinda angsty, repression, suggestive jokes I guess?

Word count: 2,683

It was just after 5 pm, and while the rest of the cast and crew of his schools production had left, Virgil Grey remained behind to continue working on the set. Technically, he wasn't supposed to be there after school without teacher supervision, but since he was a senior and in charge of the painting of the set, the staff of the school had decided to turn a blind eye.

Virgil had worked on the stage crew every year since he was a freshman. As much as he loved it, to be honest he had always wanted to be a part of the cast. Unfortunately, he had always been too anxious to even bring himself to audition, and he always regretted it afterwards. It wasn't exactly a fun cycle to be stuck in, but this was the last production before he graduated, meaning he had just let his last opportunity to break out of that cycle pass him by.

He wondered how Roman did it. Roman Prince, his boyfriend of four months, never seemed to have an issue with putting himself out there. On the student council, theatre star, talented singer and musician, Spanish Language captain. He was the lead in the production for the second year running, playing Evan Hansen. It was almost frightening how Roman was so different from his character, and yet he played him so well.

Virgil was amazed at the way that other people's words never seemed to get to him, but there was always that part of him who was a little jealous; he thought as he continued packing up paint cans and brushes into a cuboard below the stage. While he was doing that, something caught his eye. The Dear Evan Hansen CD that they had used in rehearsals before they had found somebody to play the piano accompaniment. He picked it up, remembering how the CD player was still somewhere in the wings of the stage. Maybe he couldn't bring himself to sing in front of everybody, but he just wanted to get up on that stage at least once before he graduated. Nobody else was here.

Nervous but excited, Virgil climbed back up the stairs to the wings of the stage. Grabbing the CD player and plugging it in just off to the side, his mind and heart were racing. He had remembered to lock the doors, right? Since the school was mostly empty of students, there hadn't been a reason to leave them open.

Taking a deep breath, he hit play on the second track, slowly stepping to the middle of the stage as the gentle piano began to play. The words were coming. He breathed out, letting his nerves ease up, and allowing him to lose himself in the song.

I've learned to slam on the breaks Before I've even turned the key. Before I make the mistake, Before I lead with the worst of me.

The first few lines rang out through the hall quieter than he meant them to. Somebody could hear, he thought, before pushing it to the back of his mind. The doors were locked and the windows were too high up to see through. Even if they did hear, how would anybody know that it was him?

Give them no reason to stare. No slipping up if you slip away. So I've got nothing to share, No I've got nothing to say.

Step out, step out of the sun If you keep getting burned. Step out, step out of the sun, Because you've learned,because you've learned.

He took one more deep breath in, letting the song completely take him over.

On the outside always looking in Will I ever be more than I've always been? Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass. I'm waving through a window.

I try to speak but nobody can hear So I sit around for an answer to appear, While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass. Waving through a window.

Can anybody see? Is anybody waving back at me?

Suddenly Virgil heard footsteps from the wings of the stage. His heart leapt, as he quickly shut the music off, and his mind started running through places to disappear, before none other than Roman stepped out, clapping slowly, a huge smile on his face.

"Hey, Roman. I- uh..." Virgil stuttered. "I didn't know anybody was still here."

Roman walked closer to him. "I didn't know you could sing like that." He grinned. Virgil blushed. "Really, you sound great."

"You think?" Virgil replied sheepishly, brushing his hair out of his face.

"Yeah, you're way better than some of the people in the production." Roman said, taking both of the shorter boys hands in his.

"Thanks." Virgil replied, not really knowing what else to say. "What are you doing here so late?"

Roman shrugged. "I realized my jacket wasn't in my locker. I think I left it here somewhere after rehearsal."

Virgil just then noticed that Roman wasn't wearing his bomber jacket, which didn't happen often at school. White, with gold around the sleeves and collar. Roman wore it everywhere, but now he just stood there in a red t-shirt.

"Oh, I haven't seen it anywhere, but I can help you look." Virgil offered.

"You're not busy?"

Virgil shook his head. "Just packed up. Wait, how did you get in here anyway?"

Roman laughed. "You left the back door unlocked."

Virgil grimaced. "Right."

After quickly fixing that, the two headed into one of the wings to look for the jacket.

"Where did you actually leave it?" Virgil asked, checking one of the low shelves where people usually left spare props and clothes.

"On there, but I think somebody might've moved it." Roman pointed to an empty table.

Virgil walked over to the table, ducking down to look under it. "Oh, here it is." He pulled it out by the sleeve, but slipped on a random chord when he tried to stand back up. "Whoa!"

He felt Roman catch him from behind before he could fall, one arm around his waist, the other around his shoulders. He was looking straight up at Roman, who was grinning stupidly.

"Hey there." Roman smirked. "You okay?"

"I-I'm fine." Virgil assured him. "Did you like, plan that or something? Not that I'm really complaining..."

Roman laughed. "I did not plan anything, I guess that fate keeps throwing us together."

"Well preferably not in a literal sense next time." Virgil said. "Here."

He unwrapped himself from Roman's arms and pulled the jacket over the taller boys shoulders. Roman put the sleeves on, and Virgil fixed the collar, before gently pulling Roman forward into a soft kiss. Roman automatically wrapped his arms around Virgil's waist, before Virgil pulled away and wandered over to perch on the edge of the table.

"So, how's the rehearsal going?" He asked.

Roman walked over to where Virgil was sitting, wrapping his arms around the back of his neck. Virgil lazily placed his legs around either side of Romans, bolder than he would normally be at school since he was confident that nobody else was there. "It's going well, I suppose. I don't know."

Virgil cocked his head. "Something wrong?"

Roman sighed. "It's just the scenes where Evan and Zoe are alone together. Don't get me wrong, Elle makes an incredible Zoe. It's just that apparently, my emotions aren't convincing enough."

"What do you mean, you're an amazing actor?" Virgil asked, though he had a feeling that he knew what Roman meant.

Virgil knew all too well why it was so hard for Roman to play a role where Virgil's twin sister, Elle, was playing his love interest. The two had been best friends throughout middle school, and were still super close, but a lot had happened within that time. During freshman year, before either of them had come out, the two had ended up dating. Awkwardly.

Even though most of their school had been convinced, the people close to them (Virgil, the rest of their families, their best friends Patton Foster and Logan Berry, Elle's now-girlfriend Audrey) had guessed what was going on long before either of them told anyone. Virgil had been at a different middle school than Roman and Elle, since he hand't been comfortable with such a big one, so he hadn't met Roman properly until high school. Virgil had had a crush on him since then, however, including the time in which he and Elle had dated.

For the past two years, the two had moved on like nothing had ever happened, but playing two roles like Evan and Zoe was surely bringing up memories of that period of repression that they'd both rather forget. It couldn't be easy.

"Apparently I don't look like I'm 'interested enough' in her. The director kept reminding me constantly. I understand where he was coming from, but he was getting rather harsh about it, I'd say." Roman looked so frustrated. He was trying to act like he was mad at the director, but Virgil could guess pretty easily that he was mad at himself.

"Ro, I'm sorry, I know that having to act like that with her again must be hard, even if it is just part of a play."

Roman laughed lightly. "To be honest, all I wanted was to turn around and tell him that he had the wrong Grey twin for that."

Virgil pulled him closer, Roman leaning down and gently kissing him on the forehead, making his cheeks turn bright red. "You're too charming, Princey."

"You flatter me."

Virgil laughed, before he had an idea. "You know, I could always help you practice. We could even try now, if you want?"

Roman looked surprised. "Really? Thank you, darling, that would be amazing! You know Zoe's lines for the scene?"

Virgil rolled his eyes, climbing up from where he sat, but keeping hold of Roman's hands. "Trust me, I know it too well. Elle never stops practicing. Our rooms are right next to each other, and the walls are stupidly thin."

Roman smirked. "Thin walls, hey? I better remember that for later on."

Virgil raised an eyebrow, though he was trying really hard not to blush. "Watch it." He warned Roman.

Roman held up his hands. "Fine, fine."

Virgil shook his head in laughter, pulling Roman along to the stage. "You're a weirdo."

"And you find it charming, my dear."

Virgil switched on the CD player, before joining Roman on the edge of the prop bed that was still on the stage. "Shut up."

He did.

The music started playing around them, and Virgil watched as Roman's mannerisms instantly switched over. He started fiddling with his hands, hunching over more, looking terrified and shy, just like his character.

"He thought you were awesome." He stuttered out the first line perfectly.

"He thought I was awesome? My brother?" Virgil tried his best to characterize Zoe the same way his sister did, although he knew that he was too nervous to focus on it. He knew how the song went. Was it too soon to say it? He wanted to, but he was terrified.

"Definitely." Roman continued.

"How?"

"Well..."

He said, there's nothing like your smile,

Sort of subtle, and perfect, and real.

Roman's voice was enchanting, and Virgil immediately felt some of his anxiousness slip away. The way that Roman was looking at him, he wished that he could just stare at him all day. Oh god, that sounded really creepy now that he thought about it.

He said, you never knew how wonderful that smile could make someone feel.

And he knew, whenever you get bored you scribble stars on the cuffs of your jeans.

And he noticed, that you still fill out those quizzes that they put in those teen magazines.

Roman grabbed both of Virgil's hands, pulling the two of them to their feet. This wasn't part of the directions, Virgil knew, but he guessed Roman was just doing his own thing this time.

But he kept it all inside his head,

What he saw, he left unsaid.

And though he wanted to, he couldn't talk to you,

He couldn't find a way,

But he would always say...

Roman dropped Virgil's hands, wrapping his arms around Virgil's shoulders like they were slow-dancing.

If I could tell her, tell her everything I see.

If I could tell her, how she's everything to me.

Roman let go, taking a couple of steps backwards as he sang.

But we're a million worlds apart,

And I don't know how I would even start.

If I could tell her...

Roman slowly paced back to Virgil, before they both sat back down on the edge of the bed.

"Did he say anything else?" Virgil spoke the lines clearly, but he was almost completely unaware of what he was saying, he was so caught up in the moment.

"A-about you?"

"NevermindIdon'treallycareanywa-"

"No no, he said so many things, I'm just trying to remember the best ones!"

He thought, you looked really pretty-

Or uh- It looked pretty cool when you put indigo streaks in your hair.

Roman gently brushed Virgil's purple bangs out of his face. It had never occurred to Virgil how well the lyrics fit the two of them until now, but oh my god. It was kind of insane. Roman quickly pulled Virgil to his feet again.

And he wondered how you learned to dance like all the rest of the world isn't there.

Roman spun him around slowly, grinning like an idiot.

But he kept it all inside his head,

What he saw, he left unsaid.

If I could tell her, tell her everything I see.

If I could tell her, how she's everything to me.

But we're a million worlds apart.

They both sang that line, stepping back slightly. Virgil wondered how he even managed to get it out, as the moment he was anticipating drew closer.

And I don't know how I could even start.

If I could tell her...

If I could tell her.

But what do you do when there's this great divide?

Roman stepped even further back across the stage.

He just seemed so far away...

And what do you do when the distance is too wide?

It's like I don't know anything...

And how do you say...

Virgil's breath hitched in his throat. Sure, they were acting, but they had never said it to each other before. This felt real, and the look in Roman's eyes just made it feel more real. One of pure adoration.

...I love you?

I love you.

He stepped closer every time he said it, and Virgil's heart beat faster.

I love you.

Virgil wasn't supposed to join in on that line, he knew it. It just felt... right. Like all the air had been knocked out of him, in a good way. Roman couldn't keep the smile from his face, but somehow looked like he was on the verge of tears at the same time. They were close enough to join hands again, Roman resting their foreheads together gently. He sung the next part softly enough that even if they had been surrounded by people, Virgil still would have been the only one who heard it.

But we're a million worlds apart,

And I don't know how I would even start.

If I could tell her...

He pulled away, holding Virgil's face in his hands, looking at him like he was the whole world.

If I could...

He immediately pulled Virgil in to kiss him, like he had to do it before he heard whatever Virgil might say. It was clear that he was just as scared.

"I mean it Virgil." He whispered. "I love you."

Virgil felt like he was on top of the world, like his heart was going to explode. "I love you too, Roman."

They kissed again, this time Virgil pulling Roman in first. Afterwards, Virgil pulled himself close to Roman's chest, Roman resting his head on top of Virgil's.

"Kind of cheesy, isn't it, falling in love in the middle of a stage?" Virgil mumbled.

Roman smiled. "I suppose it is, my love."

A/N: Aaaahhhh okay I’ve never actually posted a fic directly to Tumblr before, it’s up on my Wattpad too (same username), please like or reblog if you enjoyed!

#sanders sides #fanfiction #thomas sanders #thatsthat24 #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #prinxiety #fluff #angst

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nothingunrealistic · 5 years

Note

oof hey i hope i'm not bothering you, and i asked jury this already (and deffo got a good answer but i need all the info i can get because i am crushingly insecure)- do you have any tips on characterizing/writing the deh characters? i struggle with it immensely and I have no idea why, and you're one of my favorite writers for this fandom. so. no pressure to respond i was just curious!

sure! the only characters i write regularly/feel confident in writing are evan, jared, and alana, so those are the characters i’ll talk about the most, but i’ll try to say something for all of them. also this will feature a good number of quotes from writers’ notes (here) and interviews because those are the main sources i draw on for characterization after, you know, actual canon

evan

Smart, sincere, and cripplinglyself-conscious, Evan prefers to hover in the background, asupporting player in his own life, too afraid to step forward into thespotlight and risk ridicule or, what might be worse, no one noticinghim at all.

this description captures a lot of the things i think are key about evan, but one big thing it’s missing is that he’s kind of an asshole. he usually has good intentions, and he tries to be inoffensive and considerate and Nice, but he sucks at that because it’s just not how he naturally is. he’s bitter and angry about a lot of things - his lack of friends, jared (ostensibly) not caring about him or taking him seriously, heidi rarely being present, and perhaps most of all, his own perception of himself as “broken” and a burden, which he genuinely believes that heidi agrees with and that everyone else would if they knew what he was truly like. he’s frequently sarcastic and occasionally pedantic (see: “president” “co-president” and “it’s sula” “what did i say?” “sulu”). but these are things he doesn’t like about himself, which is why he tries to be either Nice or invisible, especially when he feels uncomfortable. the times when he’s most comfortable acting like himself are, in my opinion, when he’s just with jared, who in turn finds it most fun to spend time with evan when he’s not putting up a front.

major pet peeves in fic: being written as a ~delicate anxious bean uwu~ or anything along those lines; dialogue with stuttering that doesn’t resemble his actual speech patterns at all; making a big deal out of him using profanity; portraying his relationship with jared as evan just letting himself get pushed around until someone (usually connor) comes in to bravely show evan that He Doesn’t Deserve That

jared

Droll and sarcastic,Jared claims to be forced by his parents to hang out with familyfriend Evan, for whom he ostensibly has nothing but disdain.Jared covers his own obvious insecurities with a well-practicedbraggadocio and a know-it-all arrogance.

I think this is the playlist that Jared puts on in the morning on the first day of school to pump himself up for the day… Ultimately he’s terrified of going back to school, but he’s trying to psych himself up. … Every one of these songs is a JAM. No ballads here. And they’re all slightly sarcastic or tongue-in-cheek songs about unrequited love. Jared can relate to that. [x]

Jared Kleinman is too cool for the music of the times. He is proudly a walking 90’s movie… but he doesn’t mind sneaking a little of his parents Manischewitz and listening to a dusty Bette Midler record. [x]

(there are like a dozen interviews with will roland that i could cite here but that’s practically a post unto itself)

the best way i can sum up all the major points of jared’s characterization is that there’s always a reason for the things he says. he doesn’t make harsh remarks to be deliberately cruel or mean; he’s either pointing out an uncomfortable but important truth, or he’s aiming to make a joke and inadvertently crossing the line. when he does make jokes, it’s often another way of delivering the truth, an attempt to get people to laugh and thereby validate that he’s clever/funny/worthy, or an effort to deflect something that makes him uncomfortable or scared. redirection, derision, and showing off are some of his major defensive tactics; he doesn’t do self-deprecation out loud, but he is, as will has said, repressed and self-hating. he and evan are similarly asshole-ish, but where evan tries to hide it, jared tries to hide behind it.

he wants people to be impressed by him in general, but he really wants evan in particular to think well of him and be his friend and openly care about him - the problem is that jared can’t bring himself to openly care about evan, because that entails emotional honesty & vulnerability that he’s just not prepared to deal with. hence their interaction on the first day of school, and then jared agreeing to help evan more and more with his increasingly complex lie despite claiming not to care. (the key word in that first quote is “ostensibly.”) when he is actually is at ease (which is pretty rare, at least in canon), he’s a bit of a drama queen, which evan may pretend to be annoyed by but quietly enjoys.

major pet peeves in fic: being written as straight and/or homophobic and/or leaping to make jokes about how evan and connor are Clearly Doing It immediately after finding out that they’re becoming friends (as if he isn’t utterly convinced that evan is 100% straight); making excessive/forced references and jokes to modern pop culture/memes (everything he shouts out in any form of canon is at least ten years old and usually decades old, and that doesn’t happen often anyway); relentlessly treating evan like shit/being incredibly domineering in their friendship; constant bickering with connor; calling evan “hansen” all the time when he only ever addresses him as “evan” (or, like, “dude” or “bro” or “son”) and even only does THAT when he’s especially emotional or letting his guard down; just generally giving him dialogue that in no way resembles his actual, very distinctive speech patterns

(i have. a lot of thoughts and feelings about jared)

alana

Alana is an incredibly genuineperson. Everything she does comes from a place of deephonesty and tremendous feeling. All of the characters inthis musical put up masks of sorts. For Alana, it’s a façadeof cheerfulness. She is always ready with a smile, a note ofencouragement. This hides the loneliness underneath.

often prone to melodrama, high school senior Alana has few friends but lacks the self-awareness to understand why; beneath her extroverted demeanor, Alana is in fact haunted by a terrible and abiding loneliness; tired of always being an outsider, Alana seizes the death of a classmate as an opportunity finally to find a sense of belonging. [x]

Study break! … Alana spend a lot of time in the books. This playlist allows her to either kick back, have a lip sync battle, or a jam session. … We have classic up beats like ‘Uptown Funk’ by Bruno Mars cause she loves to dance and be silly. She’s also a romantic. Girl reads Jane Austen, so a nice healthy batch of love songs to daydream to. She’s also a feminist! So naturally Beyoncé has the perfect perfect pump up jams for the feminist in us all.

alana has Big Feelings, and they drive all her actions. she wants to achieve great things and succeed in life, yes, but more importantly, she wants to help people and make the world a better place. when she commits to a course of action, it’s because she truly believes that it’s the right or most beneficial thing to do in the end, even if the means themselves are questionable. much like jared, she struggles with vulnerability and connection with other people, and often tries to form connections with other people by making herself seem more impressive, but unlike jared, she also tries to build up and support other people, rather than tearing them down. she’s also committed to supporting Truth in a general sense, and struggles when this comes into conflict with Doing The Right Thing. this is especially obvious after good for you, when she resigns herself to continuing the fundraiser even though she’s certain it’s based on a lie.

all of this makes alana seem incredibly serious, but that’s not the entire picture. she strives to be upbeat and optimistic, and even when she’s not trying, she loves to have fun! she likes to be silly and tell jokes and laugh at other people’s jokes and daydream about finding a great romance! she thought “fuck finn” was the height of comedy! she’s not a killjoy!

i also hold with kristolyn lloyd’s theory that alana was very close with her grandmother and struggled with feeling unable/not allowed to openly grieve her death, or to express any kind of loneliness or other strong negative emotion. however, i do not hold with kristolyn’s theory that alana had a crush on connor, because alana is a lesbian.

major pet peeves in fic: being written as pedantic and joyless; overly formal dialogue (she’s perfectly capable of using colloquialisms and slang) in which she is never sarcastic, ever (she absolutely can be when she’s frustrated)

zoe

a sensitive, sophisticated high school junior; cool without realizing it, Zoe could care less about the status games and popularity rites of high school; funny and bright, she has grown up in the long shadow cast by her volatile older brother, Connor, tyrannized along with the rest of her family by his out-of-control behavior; few rooms are as familiar to her as the inside of a family therapist’s office; Zoe compensates for her brother’s darkness by striving to be warm, nice to everyone, the kind of person who goes out of her way to learn the names of the kids who sit by themselves at lunch; she feels a terrible ambivalence over her brother’s death, finding it difficult to forgive him for all he did, and at the same time forgive that part of herself that feels nothing but relief in the fact that he’s gone.

this sums up just about everything i could say, but i will add: the disembodied voice calling zoe a “stuck-up bitch” during ywbf reprise is NOT a voice you’re supposed to agree with.

major pet peeves: anything that states/suggest that zoe is a bitch; those connor/evan fix-it fics with background zoe/alana where the premise of zoe and alana’s relationship is “they’ve actually been best friends this whole time!!” even though this contradicts canon on multiple levels

connor

An angry, disaffectedloner, Connor has been a troubled kid for as long as anyone canremember, an enigma and a source of endless consternation to hislong-suffering parents and sister.

i honestly don’t have much to say about connor, because i don’t think about him very often, but i will say that:

- if your portrayal of him can be described as “edgy,” you’re probably doing something wrong. he’s just as awkward and anxious as evan, it just manifests very differently

- him addressing evan as “hansen” all the time is admittedly much more plausible than jared doing it, but still just as annoying

heidi

Overworkedand stretched too thin, Heidi loves her son fiercely, but fears theyhave begun to grow apart. She is prepared to do anything to repairthe damage.

heidi’s torn between trying to connect with evan and trying to provide a better life for him, because for her, achieving the latter currently requires spending too many hours away from home to really achieve the former. that’s why she’s so upset and demands to know what’s going on in evan’s life when he seems to be acting out of character and doing things she doesn’t expect him to do - she feels she’s being left out of the loop. much like alana, she strives for optimism, trying to find the bright side of any situation. and, as steven levenson pointed out in the annotated script (regarding the line about fabulous tips that evan’s stepmother may or may not have made from cocktail waitressing), she doesn’t have a fully developed sense of healthy boundaries, which is an interesting nuance that tends to get lost in fics that flatten her out into a generic Cool Mom. she’s trying to raise a teenager while not wanting to fully grow up herself.

cynthia

To Evan, she seems to be the perfect mother, nurturing, available,and willing to talk about anything. To her own children, it’s a bitmore complicated.

evan idealizes all the murphys, and cynthia is no exception. she tries her hardest to be a good and accessible mother, but she’s deeply dissatisfied with being just a mother. she works to support and empathize with connor, and to remember him positively after his death, but she frequently neglects and minimizes zoe and her problems in the process.

larry

Though often tense and taciturn, Larry shows a different face tothe world, representing for Evan the dad he always wished for:strong, confident, and, more than anything, reliable, someone to becounted on.

is larry going to call his children slurs or disown them/kick them out of the house for being lgbt? no. is he going to research How To Interact With Your LGBT Child and drive connor and zoe to the local pride parade? also no. the once-popular (and possibly still popular?) characterization of him as a demon straight from the ninth circle of hell is just as inaccurate as evan’s perception of him as the World’s Greatest Dad.

i hope this helps! and thank you for asking - i really enjoyed answering this, and i’d be happy to expand on most of these points if you want.

#inbox #thecicadasong #dear evan hansen #evan hansen #jared kleinman #alana beck #zoe murphy #connor murphy #heidi hansen #cynthia murphy #larry murphy #sometimes i write

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a-secondhand-sorrow · 5 years

Text

Of Phone Calls and Letters

Alternatively, this could be titled “I am a Procrastinator”.

Here’s chapter 1 of sweet words, told from Evan’s perspective. This chapter and maybe the next are probably the most canon-y (minus the very obvious differences)

Read the prologue here | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4

Trigger warnings: mentioned suicide, mentioned drug use

Chapter 1

***

“Oh, he’s going to ruin your life.”

“Jared.”

“I mean, that’s what I would do.”

“Jared.”

“I mean, he’s Connor Murphy, who gives a shi-”

“Jared.”

“What?”

“That’s not-he wouldn’t-” Evan struggled for a second, struggling to find the right words. “He wouldn’t do that.”

“How would you know? He threw a printer at Mrs. G in second grade. He’d do anything.”

“Because we’re friends, alright?” Evan spit out suddenly, unable to handle Jared’s taunts. “We’re friends, or, or at least we used to be, but we fought over the summer and-and we hadn’t talked but he stormed off with the letter and-and shit, I’m actually worried about him.”

It’s quiet on the other line for a moment. “Really?”

“Yes, really, and I’ve never-I’ve never seen him so upset-” Evan could hear the emotion creeping into his own voice, but the reason he stopped was because of Jared. “Hey, are you good? You just kinda, uh? Stopped talking.”

“Huh?” Jared said suddenly, his tone different than Evan had heard before. Maybe it was only because Evan had known him for so long, but he could practically hear the gears spinning in Jared’s head across the phone. “No, I, um, I was just thinking, you know-secret friends no one knows about who have a mysterious falling out? That’s like, the perfect formula for high school gay lovers-”

Some combination of his nerves and the odd way in which Jared was acting made Evan say, “Do you ever stop projecting onto other people?”

There was a slight pause on the other end, before Jared managed a quiet, “Damn, Hansen, really throwing the punches tonight.”

“Oh my god, no, I shouldn’t have said that, I’m so sorry-”

“No, shit, you’re fine. I’m kidding. It was a joke” Although something in his tone held a note of definitely not kidding, Evan decided to let it slide.

“So, should I, should I call him? Or should I, wait no. I can’t call him, what if he’s furious with me?”

“Evan. Take three deep breaths.” Jared’s tone had become businesslike again, and Evan felt a bit of relief. “Look, I’ll spell it out for you. You two have your... friendship, which fell apart, so he pushed you in the fucking hallway because of, I don’t know, unresolved trauma and guilt or some shit, and felt bad about it so he came to apologize until he read about your creepy crush on his sister in your weird sex note-”

“It’s not a sex note-”

“-and obviously he was overcome with a jealous rage that he no longer held your affections-”

“Jared!”

“-and stormed off in a blind rage, where he’ll probably get high and skip school for a week before his parents find out and force him to go back.”

“That’s-no-that’s not what- you really think so?” The quiet desperation in Evan’s voice annoyed even him, much less Jared.

“I mean,” Jared seemed to be back to his old cocky self, “probably. He’s Connor Murphy.”

***

The vague anxiety for both himself and Connor followed Evan for the next few days, punctuated by the absence of both Zoe and Connor from school. Of course, Jared’s thoughts of Connor ‘ruining his life’ lost Evan some sleep, but his main fears rested in this being the final straw for their friendship.

Or worse, the final straw for Connor.

All of these fears only spiked when he was called to the principal’s office several days into the school year.

“Uh, is Mr. Howard...”

Evan stopped short as he slowly recognized the couple sitting in the office.

“I just, sorry, they said on the loudspeaker for me to come to the Principal’s office.”

“Mr. Howard is, uh, he stepped out.” The gray-haired man, seated on a small couch in the office next to a rather put-together red haired woman, indicated a seat opposite himself. Although they were both impeccably dressed and put together, a few signs of durress shone through-the woman’s eyes appeared to be red and watery under her eye makeup, and the man’s hand clenched and unclenched on the arm of the couch.

They were Larry and Cynthia Murphy, Connor and Zoe’s parents.

Evan’s heart seized with a rush of panic.

“We wanted to speak to you in private,” Larry shifted a little on the couch, gesturing to a chair opposite. “If you’d like to, maybe...”

He sat slowly, shrinking down in the chair, picking a little at his cast, which remained partially obscured from Larry and Cynthia across from him to hide the fact that his cast had Connor’s name scrawled on it in giant letters.

Larry cleated his throat. Cynthia sniffled. Evan shifted.

Eventually, Larry said, quite gently, “we’re, uh... we’re Connor’s parents.”

All Evan could manage was a small “oh?”

Shakily, Cynthia pulled a folded piece of paper from her purse, as Larry began a “why don’t you go ahead, honey-”

“I’m going as fast as I can,” Cynthia snapped, clearly close to a breaking point.

“That’s not what I said, is it?”

Cynthia ignored him, her gaze pointedly fixed at the wall. She then turned to Evan, holding out the piece of paper with an odd kind of reverence, as though it were a lifeline. Slowly, she said, “this is...Connor...he wanted you to have this.”

Evan took the paper from Cynthia, who clung to it till the very last second as though she were afraid it would disappear as she let go. He unfolded the paper gently, heart racing, feeling the weight of Larry and Cynthia’s eyes on him.

His note. It’s his note, staring up at him from this paper.

But why?

Larry cut in as Evan stared down at the note. “We didn’t...we hadn’t heard your name before, Connor never...but then we saw... ‘Dear Evan Hansen.’”

“He, um,” Evan shifted a bit, turning to look more at Larry than the paper, “he gave you this?”

“We didn’t know you were friends.”

Evan looked up quickly, paper momentarily forgotten in his grip, shocked that they knew. Had Connor told them? “Uh, yes but-but what-?”

Larry cut in again, seemingly almost to himself more than Evan. “We didn’t think that Connor had any friends. And then we see this note and it’s, it seems to suggest pretty clearly that you and Connor were, or at least for Connor, he thought of you as...I mean, it’s right there. ‘Dear Evan Hansen.’ It’s addressed to you.” Larry paused for a moment, his voice having died in his throat. “He wrote it to you.”

Evan swallowed, not quite sure what to say. “I’m sorry, but what-why-you think he wrote this to me?”

Cynthia nodded, eyes full of tears. “These are the words he wanted to share with you. His...last words.”

“This is what he wanted to leave you with.” Larry added, eyes downcast, voice laced with regret.

All Evan could manage was “I’m sorry...his last words?”

At this, Cynthia began actually crying, actively trying to conceal sobs. Larry appeared to be close to his wife’s situation, but holding it together much more. Clearing his throat, he said “Connor...uh...Connor took his own life.”

“He...what?” Evan half-whispered, eyes traveling back down to the paper.

For the first time, he noticed something scribbled at the bottom.

He looked quickly, seeing Connor’s familier blocky scrawl.

Dear Evan Hansen,

It’s not your fault.

Suddenly, the world tilted around him, the reality of his situation coming to a sharp focus in his mind.

Connor was dead, and they never made up.

His mind a whirl of thoughts, the only real ones he could find were Connor is dead, Connor is dead, Connor is dead, Connor killed himself, Connor’s gone, it should have been you, it should have been you, it should have been me, you could’ve saved him, you should’ve saved him, you needed to save him, he’s dead, you should be dead-

A sob tore through his chest, his note and his note gripped tightly in his hands seen through blurred tears. But no, this note, the last thing Connor ever said, the only thing rooting him to reality was gently being pulled from his hands.

“I didn’t... I didn’t...” Evan choked out through breaths, feeling tears streaming down his face but unable to stop it. “He’s...” His words choked off, but his eyes asked a million questions of the Murphys.

Larry was the only one who could speak. “This is all we found with him. It was folded up in his pocket. You can see that he’s...he wanted to explain why he was...” he struggled for a moment, blinking back tears, before indicating the piece of paper, which he thrust back to Evan. “‘I wish everything was different. I wish I were a part of something. I wish that what I said mattered to anyone.’”

“Please stop, Larry,” Cynthia choked, looking imploringly at Evan, her gaze probing.

“I...I didn’t...”

Evan looked up, meeting Cynthia’s eyes fully for the first time. The deep sorrow he saw there only choked him up further, rendered him nearly incapable of speaking. “Connor didn’t... I...” he shook his head, attempting to clear his thoughts. “Can I, can I please go now?”

“He’s clearly in shock,” Larry said, turning to Cynthia.

This was plainly the wrong thing for Cynthia. “This is all we have. This is the only thing we have left.”

Evan shifted in his seat again, and Larry caught sight of something. He followed Larry’s gaze, seeing the choppy letters Connor had printed on his cast.

“Look,” he said slowly, drawing Cynthia’s attention. “Look. His cast...his best and most dearest friend.”

Evan could see the spiral in which this conversation was going. He was unsure of whether to jump ship while he still could, or stick it out.

But then the words Connor is dead floated back up, with a fresh wave of tears, and he couldn’t imagine leaving his parents-or himself-with that so freshly engraved in his memory.

“Please...” Cynthia leaned forward, weeping, grabbing slightly at Evan’s arm. “Please. He’s...you’re...it’s all we have left.”

“Come to dinner,” Larry said gently. “Any night that works for you. We’d... we’d love to get to know you, Evan.”

Evan nodded blindly, slowly, feeling as though he were moving through a tunnel.

“Thank you,” Cynthia said, sounding as though she had had the weight of the world lifted off of her shoulders. “Thank you.”

#dear evan hansen #deh #evan hansen #my fanfic #larry murphy #zoe murphy #cynthia murphy #jared kleinman #deh fanfiction #deh au #deh fanfic #my fanfiction #mine #my works #when the sweet words and fevers all leave us right here in the cold #suicide tw #suicide mention

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you-get-to-exhale-now-cyrus · 6 years

Text

Dear Cyrus Goodman

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Summary: A letter than was never meant to be seen, a lie that was never meant to be told, a life he never dreamed he could have. Cyrus Goodman is about to get the one thing he’s always wanted; a chance to finally fit in.

Chapter Word Count: 1,476

Chapter Trigger Warnings: Cursing, Self-Hatred, Minor Death Mention

Author’s Note: All dialogue comes from the Dear Evan Hansen script. I own none of the dialogue, credit goes to Pasek and Paul. I’ve written the way things are said, actions, and anything not dialogue. Also for the sake of this fic, the names of the Kippen parents (the Murphys in DEH) will be Martha and Lucas. Thank you!

Cyrus lay on the ground frozen; all he could notice was that his hands were shaking, his heart was humming, and there was a few flecks of dirt on the ground. After laying there for what felt like ages, he propped himself up and reached for his backpack.

“Hey, I’m sorry about my sister. I saw her push you. She’s a psychopath. Cyrus, right?” TJ rushed up to the boy, looking him up and down to make sure he was okay.

As if this day couldn’t get any worse, Cyrus was now face to face with TJ, who he had a not-so-secret crush on. Great. And his hands were sweating. “Cyrus?” he squeaked, almost having forgotten his name.

“That’s your name...?” TJ pried, his brows knitting up in confusion.

“Oh. Yes. Cyrus. It’s Cyrus. I’m sorry,” he fumbled over his words, mentally scolding himself. How could he have forgotten his own name? Probably because he was lost in TJ’s seagreen eyes.

TJ let out a breathy laugh. “Why are you sorry?”

“Well, just because you said Cyrus, and then I said, and then I repeated it, which is, that’s so annoying when people do that,” he rambled, his nails digging into his sweaty palms.

“I’m TJ,” he greeted, extending his hand for Cyrus to shake.

“No, I know,” Cyrus insisted, wiping his palms on his shirt instead of shaking TJ’s. He was not about to come off as sweaty and awkward. Well, sweaty; awkward was inevitable.

“You know?” he questioned, pulling his hand back.

You sound like a stalker, Cyrus thought to himself. “No, just, I’ve seen you play guitar in jazz band. I love jazz band. I love jazz! Well not all jazz, but definitely, like, jazz band jazz. That’s so weird I’m sorry,” he breathed out, his heart beating so loudly he thought TJ could hear it.

“You apologize a lot,” TJ noted lightly, a gentle smile gracing his face.

“I’m sorry...or, I mean. You know what I mean,” Cyrus sighed in resignation.

“Well, it was nice meeting you-”

“You don’t wanna sign my-”

“What-”

“What, what’d you say?”

The words clashed, and Cyrus was regretting his decision of trying to keep the conversation going. Not his forte.

“I didn’t say anything. You said something,” TJ pointed out, rocking back on his heels and waiting for Cyrus’ reply.

“Me?” the shorter boy squeaked, “No was...José,” he joked weakly, dodging the question.

TJ smiled uncertainly. “Okay... José,” he replied, turning to walk away. Cyrus watched him leave, rounding the corner. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and hurried on to his next activity; printing out his letter. And finishing it. Curse his procrastination.

On his way there, he tried to get someone, anyone, to notice him. He even tried making eye contact with people, but to no avail. Buffy was blabbing to someone about her college plans, Andi was working on some sort of school project, and TJ...well TJ would never notice him, so there wasn’t that.

Although Cyrus didn’t notice, Amber noted his presence in the hallway.

“Shit, honey. I know I was supposed to pick you up for your appointment. I’m stuck at work. Sharon called in sick with the flu and I’m the only other nurse’s aide on today, so I volunteered to pick up her shift,” Leslie explained, sighing in frustration.

"It’s fine,” he said through the phone, opening up his letter on his computer with his free hand.

“It’s just...they announced new budget cuts this morning, so anything I can do to show that I’m, you know, a team player,” she said with mild bravado, and Cyrus could practically hear her smiling on the other end.

“It’s fine. I’ll take the bus,” he told her. This was expected; his mom was never there when he needed her, but could he blame her?

He heard his mom sigh on the other side of the phone. “Perfect. That’s perfect. Oh, and I’m going straight from here to class, so I won’t be home until late, so please eat something. We’ve got those Trader Joe’s dumplings in the freezer,” she suggested gently.

“Maybe,” he mumbled, opening up his letter and scrolling to the bottom.

“Did you write one of those letters yet? Dr. Sherman’s expecting you to have one, ‘Dear Cyrus Goodman. This is going to be a good day and here’s why’?” she pried.

“Yeah, no, I already finished it. I’m in the computer lab right now, printing it out,” he lied. Well, half-lied. He was in the computer lab right now.

“I hope it was a good day, sweetheart,” his mom cooed.

“It was..” a silence fell over him, and lasted much more than it should have. “Yeah, it was really great,” he lied again.

“Great. That’s great,” his mom exclaimed, “I hope it’s the beginning of a great year. I think we could both use one of those, huh?” she joked, clearing her throat, “Shit. I have to run. Bye. I love you,” she said, hanging up.

“Bye,” Cyrus croaks out, but his mom had already hung up. Slipping his phone into his pocket, he thought for a moment before continuing his letter.

“Dear Cyrus Goodman. It turns out, this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year because...why would it?” he said to himself with a sad laugh.

“Oh, I know. Because there’s TJ, and all my hope is...pinning on TJ, who I don’t even know, and who doesn’t know me. But maybe if I did, maybe if I could just talk to him then..” he lingered on that thought for a moment, before he continued, “maybe...maybe nothing would be different at all. I wish everything was different. I wish that I was a part of...something. I wish that anything I said, um, mattered to anyone,” he chuckled, nervous and sad laughter building inside of him.

“I mean face it; would anyone notice if I disappeared tomorrow?” he wrote, and sat there in stunned silence. Would anyone notice if he disappeared tomorrow? ...Probably not. “Sincerely your best and most dearest friend...me,”

“So,” Amber’s voice shattered the delicate silence that built around Cyrus, “What happened to your arm?”

“Oh, um, I fell out of a tree, actually,” Cyrus replied, trying to comprehend the fact that someone was talking to him.

“You feel out of a tree,” Amber asked, but it sounded more like a statement, “That is just the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. Oh my God,” she snorted, a paper rustling in her hand.

“I know,” Cyrus agrees.

“No one’s signed your cast,” she notes after a beat.

“No, I know.”

“I’ll sign it.”

Those were a few words he didn’t expect from Amber.

“Oh...um, you don’t have to,” he suggested, backing away slowly.

“Do you have a Sharpie?”

After another beat of silence, Cyrus pulled out a Sharpie from his pocket and handed it to Amber. She grabbed his cast and pulled it towards her, causing him to wince. She scrawled ‘AMBER’ really big, and smiled at her penmanship.

“Oh, great. Thanks,” Cyrus replied, not amused.

“Now we can both pretend that we have friends,” she said suddenly, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

“Good point,” Cyrus mumbled, rocking back on his heels as he was ready to leave.

“Is this yours?” she says suddenly, holding out a freshly printed piece of paper, “I found it on the printer. Dear Cyrus Goodman, that’s your name right?”

Cyrus felt a surge of fear take over his body. “Oh that’s just a stupid, it’s a paper I had to write for a, um, for an assignment,” he spat out, scrambling to find an explanation.

“Because there’s TJ?” she paused, narrowing her eyes at Cyrus, “Is this about my brother?”

“N-No. Not at all,” he lied again, panic taking over his body.

“You wrote this because you knew that I would find it,” she stated firmly, the paper shaking slightly in her clammy hand.

“What?” the boy balked, his mouth slightly ajar.

“You saw that I was the only other person in the computer lab, so you wrote this and printed it out, so that I would find it,” she fumed.

“Why would I do that-”

“So I could read some creepy shit you wrote about my brother and freak out, right? And then you can tell everyone that I’m crazy!” she shrieked, her breaths choppy.

“No. Wait! I don’t even, what?” Cyrus stammered, feeling his breath come quicker.

“Fuck you!” she shouts, running out of the room with the paper in hand. His letter. His letter.

“But I really, I need that back! Please. Can you just, can you please give it back?” he begged, running after Amber and hearing his feet slam against the floor with each step. This was a nightmare.

tag list: @shortstackofpeaches || @seanna313 || @geekingbeautytx || @heavenlybyers || @ghostswasp || @wlwandimack || @giocondasstuff || @lemonboytyrus || @adorejrizzle || @swingsetboys || @ifellintotyrushell || @idk-dude-17 || @rbf-lesbian || @marianara-sauce || @kaptainjinxz

#dear cyrus goodman #cyrus goodman #deh #dear evan hansen #deh au #andi mack #andi mack au #tyrus #tyrus fic #tj kippen #amber kippen #buffy driscoll #jonah beck #leslie goodman #my fics #chapter 4

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staystrange · 6 years

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So I saw Dear Evan Hansen yesterday.

It’s been a dream of mine to see this show for a long time. Before I woke up yesterday, I didn’t even know I was going. I’ve entered the lottery a million times and never won, so I figured this time would be exactly the same. I had honestly forgotten about the lottery when I randomly checked my phone at 9:00 and saw that I’d WON!! My mom has dreamed of seeing this show probably more than I have, so the two of us got on a bus that was scheduled to arrive in NYC at around 2:00 for a 3:00 show. We figured we’d have plenty of time to get to the theater, which was not far from the bus station. But, of course, we ran into crazy traffic and it got to the point where we didn’t think we’d make it on time. Like, it was 2:55 and we were still on the bus. Needless to say, I was panicking hard. When the bus finally parked, we ran for it. I’m not an athletic person at all, but I put all of the energy I had into running as fast as I possibly could through the streets of New York to get to the theater. We got there a few minutes after 3:00, and I went up to the box office, completely breathless, told the staff that I had lottery tickets, and handed over my ID. To be honest, I didn’t even expect them to give me the tickets at all because we were late. But they did, and I immediately started crying because I was so happy. Then, I didn’t expect them to let us in for act 1 because the show had already started and the tickets literally said no late entry on them. But to my surprise, the staff let us in and showed us to our standing room spots.

We made it halfway through Anybody Have a Map. I swear, it was nothing short of a miracle.

We actually had a pretty good view, way better than the people sitting in the mezzanine and balcony sections above us. I started crying out of pure happiness and gratefulness when the opening bars of Waving Through a Window played, and I honestly kept crying throughout most of the show. When I wasn’t crying, I was laughing (probably because of Will Roland) or smiling. I got a few looks from the people sitting in the back of the orchestra in front of me, but honestly, they don’t know what I went through to be there, and so what if I’m an excessively emotional person? This show hits me hard.

I never thought I’d get to see this show, but I did, and I’m so glad. Thank you to the DEH lottery and the entire cast and crew and staff. You guys are the best. I ran across the city, didn’t eat for almost twelve hours, and stood for the entire show, but gosh, all of it was worth it.

I don’t want this post to take up too much space on people’s feeds, but if you’d like to hear about my more specific thoughts on each cast member / character and my stagedoor experience, check under the cut.

I was lucky enough to see most of the original cast, with the obvious exception of Ben Platt. I also did not see the original Alana or Larry Murphy. Everyone else has been in this production since the beginning.

Taylor Trensch as Evan Hansen: Sure, he was no Ben Platt, but he did a really good job, especially considering the big shoes he had to fill. I liked the little changes in his performance from Ben’s; it made seeing live even more of a unique experience from listening to the soundtrack on repeat. He’s a great actor, seriously. He obviously had many incredible performances, but Waving Through a Window, For Forever, You Will Be Found, and Words Fail really stood out as the best ones to me. He had funny moments, adorable moments, heartbreaking moments, and everything in between, and it was all incredible to watch.

Laura Dreyfuss as Zoe Murphy: I’m a big Glee fan, so I remember when she was on the show for a little while in Season 6. She was wonderful as Zoe, and I especially loved hearing her sing Requiem. She gave such a powerful performance throughout the show, especially during that song, and it was awesome to watch. During Only Us, my heart was torn between AWW and oh no oh no oh no because of what happens next. She has great chemistry with Taylor as I’m sure she did with Ben and Noah Galvin. I also really loved her scene with Taylor at the very end in the orchard. I actually didn’t know what happened at the end of the show, so it was a pleasant surprise and a perfect ending.

Rachel Bay Jones as Heidi Hansen: Oh. My. God. Her performance blew me away. Her happy scenes with Taylor were lovely, but it was during the scenes where her character and Evan were fighting that her talent really shone. She got so into her performance, and I could truly feel it. I unfortunately missed her part of Anybody Have a Map, but her performances in Good For You and So Big / So Small were incredible, and very different, too. Good For You especially was phenomenal.

Jennifer Laura Thompson as Cynthia Murphy: Jennifer was awesome, too. She showed a whole range of emotions throughout the show, and it was really powerful to watch. I liked her interactions with Taylor and Laura, and although she didn’t have much singing by herself compared to many of the other cast members, her performances during Anybody Have a Map? and Requiem were so freaking good.

Mike Faist as Connor Murphy: I had seen tweets about how he was leaving the show pretty soon, but I didn’t realize that it was literally his last show until I looked it up. I also didn’t realize how big of a role Connor is until I saw the production. Mike was incredible during every single moment he was in; I especially loved his parts in Sincerely, Me, Disappear, and the various reprises he sings in that aren’t on the soundtrack. At the end of the show after all of the regular bows, Jennifer Laura Thompson brought out a bouquet of flowers for Mike, and he tried to run offstage; Phoenix Best had to literally pull him back onstage to make him accept them and take his final bow. He’s so shy and humble, and it was adorable. I’m so lucky I got to see him since it was literally my last chance.

Asa Somers as Larry Murphy: Even though he’s the standby, he performed incredibly well. To be honest, To Break in a Glove is my least favorite song on the soundtrack, but he performed it well. I really loved his part in Requiem and his scenes with the whole Murphy family and Evan. His character may not have had a huge part in the show, but the parts he did have were really well done.

Will Roland as Jared Kleinman: Oh my gosh, I love Will Roland. Every single time he was onstage, I laughed out loud at the many hilarious jokes and moments he had as Jared. In the second act, though, my heart broke for Jared so freaking much. I loved hearing him sing in Sincerely, Me, You Will Be Found, and Good For You; Good For You especially showed off his talent, and Sincerely, Me made me love the song so much more than I did originally. He absolutely killed it as Jared, and I’m so glad I got to see him before he leaves on June 10 to play Jeremy in Be More Chill. Speaking of Be More Chill, I didn’t really know much about Will before it was announced that he’d been cast as Jeremy, but after seeing just one scene of him performing as Jared, I knew that he’s perfect for the role of Jeremy. I could already picture it and hear it, too. He has the right voice, the right appearance, and the perfect amount of awkwardness. Seriously, I approve wholeheartedly of this casting choice, and I can’t wait to see him again as Jeremy. I still can’t believe I get to see him twice!!

Phoenix Best as Alana Beck: I honestly didn’t even realize she wasn’t the original Alana at first. She was incredible; her character is a lot like Jared in the sense that they both made me laugh and also made my heart break, but in very different ways, of course. She sang very well in You Will Be Found and Good For You and I loved watching her perform so much.

STAGEDOOR: I waited outside the stagedoor for as long as I could before security asked us all to leave, and I was lucky enough to get four autographs, which you can see in the photo above. From top left to bottom right: Mike Faist, Asa Somers, Rachel Bay Jones, and Laura Dreyfuss. They were all incredibly kind and sweet and it meant the world to me that I got to talk to them. I guess this makes Laura Dreyfuss the first Glee cast member I’ve ever met and the fourth Glee cast autograph I’ve received; if you’d told me two years ago that I’d get to meet her, I wouldn’t have believed you. She’s so lovely. I really wanted to see Will so I could tell him that he did an incredible job as Jared and that he’s going to be such a good Jeremy in Be More Chill, but unfortunately he left out the back door. I was a little bummed, but I was honestly just grateful to be there, so it was all good. Hopefully I’ll meet him when I see him again. Taylor, Jennifer, and Phoenix didn’t come out either.

Overall, I had an incredible experience seeing this show!! My theater-nerd self hasn’t been very active in a while, but my love for theater is definitely back and bigger than ever now. I’m looking forward to seeing even more shows in the future, including (HOPEFULLY) the Off-Broadway production of Be More Chill this summer : )

#original #musical theater #broadway #dear evan hansen #be more chill #taylor trensch #laura dreyfuss #rachel bay jones #jennifer laura thompson #mike faist #asa somers #will roland #phoenix best #feel free to ask me anything about the show if you'd like!!

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sassysweetstories · 6 years

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Diamond in the Rough

Summary: you’re an androgynous woman who has a rather groggy voice. due to your social anxiety and shy nature, you refuse to let your beautiful, sexy voice free. that is until you do something that might lead you down a dangerous path.

Ship: Shawn Mendes x Fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, vulgar words, bullying, fluff, hyperventilating, borderline anxiety attack, gender bashing, etc.

Notes: none of these gifs are mine, credit to the owners.

Tagged: @bailey-hoover @kiralivelove @thalia-prior-of-ravenclaw @anamcg317 @bellasett @queentiffanyyy @archer-whovian-violinist @beingmadinwonderland @princessisabelle19 @violence-and-velvet @lachicadelamanzana

Your P.O.V

[two years ago]

“Oh! Waiter!” A girl says mockingly to me, a sadistic sinister grin making it’s way onto her already harsh features. “Or, are you a girl? I can’t tell. Whatever. Pick up our stuff.” I don’t hesitate to start loading some of the dishes in the little cafe shop I worked at. Whilst rearranging objects, I do my best to ignore her and her friends entirely, already having to deal with their abuse during school hours. College was a wonderful escape but not enough when it came to bullying. There’s always a group of girls that bash on others. I just happened to stumble upon the worst. “Hey, dyke. You forgot something.” I watch helplessly as she pushes the mug off the table, smirking as it crumbles into a million little pieces. She enjoys the slightest flinching motion from me. “Clean it up.” Her friends damn near cackle like hyenas and despite the fact that my blood is boiling, I keep my mouth shut and pick up the remains of the shattered cup, almost cutting myself up in the process. Before I know it my boss, Belle, a curvy yet short and stout, black woman doesn’t hesitate to cuss them out. “Get the hell out of my shop. That is no way to treat my worker. I’ve already called the police due to your repetitive behavior. Expect that I’ll be suing.”

I don’t even have enough time to look up to know that they’re gone, not before they scoff at me with disgust. I’m glad Belle has no longer made it a problem at work but I’m sure it’ll only get worse at school. The cafe is like a home away from home type of feel. With it’s Barnes and Noble / Earthbound vibe, it’s exactly what the kids these days are enjoying. I love the interaction, simple but sweet nonetheless. But my anxiety does wonders when I try to step out of my comfort zone only to be forces backwards again. The best time to escape though is when I’m closing. Belle and the rest of my coworkers leave a little after ten where I close at one. Once alone, I dip my toes in my nighttime en-devours and breathe. And by that I mean sing. Ya see, ever since I was little, I knew I could sing but I’d never done in public due to the fact that I had a very masculine voice, and not to mention I have terrible social anxiety. I have a low voice to begin with but nobody really knows that except Belle and Charlie. Only they know and I’m not gonna expand that comfort bubble. I sway to the rhythm of the song, smiling softly as the lyrics sprung happily through the sound system.

Out There from Hunchback of Notre Dame

“Safe behind these windows and these parapets of stone Gazing at the people down below me All my life I watch them as I hide up here alone Hungry for the histories they show me All my life I memorize there faces Knowing them as they will never know me All my life I wonder how it feels to pass a day Not above them But part of them.

And out there Living in the sun Give me one day out there All I ask is one To hold forever.”

Before I know it, I’m jumping all around the empty cafe, dancing and singing with such passion I don’t even realize I’m sweating through my shirt. There’s something so inviting about music much less musicals. When I do it alone, the drive is stronger than anything I’ve ever experienced, this kind of adrenaline rush that makes me wild with childlike wonder.

“Out there Where they all live unaware What I’d give What I’d dare Just to live one day out there

Out there among the millers and the weavers and their wives Through the roofs and gables I can see them Ev’ry day they shout and scold and go about their lives Heedless of the gift it is to be them If I was in their skin I’d treasure ev’ry instant

Out there Strolling by the Seine Taste a morning out there Like ordinary men Who freely walk about there Just one day and then I swear I’ll be content

With my share Won’t resent Won’t despair Old and bent I won’t care I’ll have spent One day Out there.”

When the music dies, I’m drenched in my own perspiration. Heart thumping with a different kind of adrenaline rush. For the first time in weeks, I feel like I can breathe again, like I’m alive. That is until a loud clapping irrupts from the front of the cafe. Gulping, my heart drops in fear. “Well aren’t you something.” A girl half my height grins up at me as if she’d just found gold, a faint mischievous smirk arising onto her plump lips. “Names Fray. Fray Jay-white. But most of my friends call me FJ. I’ve got a proposition for you.” Oh no...

[Now]

“Are you nervous about performing tonight?” I ask FJ, twiddling my thumbs with nervous and uneasy fingers. She shrugs mindlessly. Of course she’s not afraid and yet you are despite the fact that you’ll be behind a fucking curtain. She was born for this kinda thing, a lover of attention. FJ had been working with me, lip-sinking while I sung behind the stage or in the audio-booth but this was our second live performance in front of the biggest artists in the world. Our- my voice had gotten so much attention in the past few years, people wanted to hear it for themselves. Apparently the cast of Hamilton is suppose to be here tonight, too.

Literally everyone I love will be behind that wall and I won’t get to see them because I’m so afraid. She notices my discomfort and takes her hands in mind, much smaller but they calm me nonetheless. She’s become one of my closest friends since our agreement and I could thank her enough for listening to my whole story, caring as much as she does. “Hey, we’ve got this. It’ll be okay tonight. And guess what, Dylan and I found a one sided mirror. Ya know, like in all of those cop shows?! You can perform on stage behind the one sided mirror!-” She lifts my chin up ever so slightly, coaxing me with her gentle voice. “I think this is a step in the right direction.”

And in that moment, I don’t doubt her even though I should’ve. I accept the words effortlessly as truth, a way to break out of my bubble. I prepare backstage with the rest of the crew, grinning at their shenanigans. As I look out at the oceans of people that I call family, I feel whole and content despite the performance butterflies. “(Y/n), it’s time.” Dylan says to me with excitement and pride in his eyes. Patting my shoulder like a sibling would, I slip past the curtain and hide behind the one sided mirror, microphone at the ready. In that moment as FJ walks out onto the stage, I decide to lay on one of the spare boxes and it brings me immediate comfort. They can’t see you. A voice reminds me. The music starts and my nerves slowly vanish.

For Forever From Dear Evan Hansen

“End of May or early June This picture-perfect afternoon we share Drive the winding country road Grab a scoop at A’ La Mode An open field that’s framed with trees We pick a spot and shoot the breeze Like buddies do Quoting songs by our favorite bands Telling jokes no one understands Except us two And we talk and take in the view

All we see is sky for forever We let the world pass by for forever Feels like we could go on for forever this way Two friends on a perfect day We walk a while and talk about The things we'll do when we get out of school Bike the Appalachian trail or Write a book or learn to sail Wouldn't that be cool? There's nothing that we can't discuss Like girls we wish would notice us but never do He looks around and says to me "There's nowhere else I'd rather be" And I say, "me too"And we talk and take in the view

We just talk and take in the view All we see is sky for forever We let the world pass by for forever Feels like we could go on for forever this way, this way All we see is light for forever 'Cause the sun shines bright for forever Like we'll be alright for forever this way Two friends on a perfect day And there he goes Racing toward the tallest tree From far across the yellow field I hear him calling, "follow me" there we go Wondering how the world might look from up so high

One foot after the other One branch then to another I climb higher and higher I climb 'til the entire Sun shines on my face And I suddenly feel the branch give way I'm on the ground My arm goes numb I look around And I see him come to get me He's come to get me

And everything's okay All we see is sky for forever We let the world pass by for forever Buddy, you and I for forever this way, this way All we see is light 'Cause the sun burns bright We could be alright for forever this way Two friends True friends On a perfect day.”

I’m so lost in the song, I don’t realize I’m crying until it’s all over. This song means everything to me I can’t help but lose myself. Apparently I’ve moved the audience because they’re weeping, too. But it’s all too much, their eyes. I look back at FJ for reassurance but she’s long gone. But- If she’s gone, who are they- Oh god... In that moment, everything around me slows down and my heartbeat quickens. The mirror slowly climbs upward but it’s too late. They’re beady, demon eyes watch me with hungry teeth, ready to take a bite at me and my insecurities. I can’t breathe but I can move and I do. My name is being called from behind but I don’t ever turn back, I can’t. I push past everybody, not even bothering to say sorry. Once I get to the hallway, the fresh air hits me like a ton of bricks. I search the halls for my next direction before noticing a pair of honey eyes watching me with worried brows but I don’t stop moving. Apart of me is glad I took up track in high school cause nobody can catch me.

Before I can bolt past the next aisle, a massive body tackles me off to the side and I land with a loud thud. The tears have blurred my vision almost entirely but I’d know that voice anywhere. “(Y/n), listen to me! It’s going to be okay!” Dylan must’ve followed from the venue. How he kept up, I don’t know. My entire body shakes, harder than it’s ever done before. This was by far the worst panic attack I’d ever experienced. I try to push Dylan away but he only holds me tighter, almost like he knows what I really need. Cradling my cheeks with his calloused hands, I’m surprised that those warm fingers belong to him. I don’t even realize we’re moving until we’re not longer in the hallway, out of sight and out of prying eyes. Through blurry eyes only, we shuffle into an empty sound booth and I’m glad to finally sit on something solid, the only feeling of assurance I think I’ll get tonight. As Dylan runs his hands up and down my arms, I finally come to a heavy realization.

FJ betrayed me. The mere thought leaves a bitter taste both in my mouth and in the pit of my stomach. I want nothing more than to curl up, shy away from the world and stop existing entirely. But another hypothesis, now turned theory, arises, too. Everyone has seen your face, your performance. There’s no point in running. I think for a minute about the thousands of dollars it’d take to alter my features, to be able to hide in plain sight again, maybe this time without the ridicule. Realistically I don’t have the money for any of it, nor would I want to. A burning feeling starts to fester in my heart and I can’t quite place it until my breathing finally steadies. Pure fucking rage. Heartbreak turned into a scorching inferno. Despite the fact that my hands are still shaking and my legs are far from ready to bare weight much less my own, I push Dylan’s hands away. He gawks at the gesture but even more so when I present an accusation more so versus a question, “Did you help her?! Did you plan this?!”

His deep blue eyes turn sad, hurt that I’d think so little of him. But I was just humiliated in front of the entire world. Right now, I have no time for compassion. That patient, kind side is gone. Ripped away for selfish purposes. “No! (Y/n)! When I bought the one sided mirror, that’s exactly what it was! One-sided! Not a window! Someone must’ve switched it out right before you got on stage. I didn’t know about any of this!” All of a sudden, the music booth door flew open with a loud thud. FJ is one of the first to enter, followed by some of our crew and I don’t hide my angered state. I push myself up onto unsteady feet and glare into her soul, damning her to hell. “(Y/n)- I-” She tries to speak but I’m not having any of it. “You did this.” She flinches under my rough tone, a sound I’m not even use to. “I trusted you. Told you about every bully, every night I cried. And you put me out there when I wasn’t ready. You threw me to side, FOR WHAT?! GREED?! MONEY?!” I don’t feel a lick of remorse for the tears that start to fall down her cheeks as I continue. “You’ve ruined my life! I CAN’T GO ANYWHERE NOW! ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE HIDDEN! TO BE UNSEEN!”

She screams back, “BUT THE WORLD NEEDED TO SEE WHAT YOU HAD!” I cuss back louder, voice hoarse with passion and anger. They dance together like lost partners. “YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THAT! IT WAS MY CHOICE AND YOU RIPPED THAT AWAY FROM ME!” FJ has nothing to say. But that’s because she knows I’m right. She’s cognitively aware of how bad this situation is starting to turn. I can’t go anywhere now that I’ve been seen. I have two options: vanish, never leave my house or the other, one I don’t even dare to utter. “Get out.” I reply shortly. The rest of the crew look terrified of my retched state, more disappointed in FJ than anything. She attempts to talk again, “(Y/n), please-” But begging won’t get her anywhere. It seems she did this alone because nobody attempts to vouch for her actions. Throwing her to side should be easy but it only closes the door on my torn heart, a brand to seal everything shut. “I said. Get. Out.” FJ needs no more than that before she runs out sobbing. I all but faint, exhausted and more drained than ever before. I sit for a moment before a person creeks the door open.

“Umm.. Miss (Y/L/N). There’s someone who’d like to meet you.”

(I hope you guys liked it. I’d like to make this a series after I finish my two requests. Tell me what you think in the comments please it really helps)

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