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wordbunch · 11 months

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SFW Alphabet: Aragorn

a/n: thank you @emmaarenstarr for requesting this and sending me back into my Aragorn era 🤭🤭 I’ve loved this man for SO long that I basically feel like I know him at this point...so this will be LONG and hopefully okay. 😂💙 let me know how you liked it, I really treasure all of your comments, and reblogging my work is always especially appreciated!! lots of love 💖

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) He is very affectionate but in a very subtle way - a hand on your back in passing, a kiss to your temple, longing gazes across the room… he is very respectful but still likes to show you that he loves you in a physical way as well. He is affectionate to his friends, let alone his romantic partner! His go-to in public is a quick kiss to the back of your hand, but in private he could kiss you on the lips for the rest of time.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) Loyal to the end, protective, honest… and it would be a long lasting friendship. I imagine you’d meet either during some of his “missions” as Strider, or maybe even in Rivendell as he was growing up; definitely way before the whole One Ring adventure. Even while you drift out of and back into each other’s lives due to different circumstances, the friendship never fades away.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?) He isn’t particularly inclined to cuddling because he’d always lived on-the-go and pretty independently. He doesn’t dislike cuddling, he is just pretty neutral. If you like it or suggest it, he will definitely do whatever is in his power to bring you joy; also he is very intuitive and he can guess when you need it after a particularly demanding day. In those situations he will gladly be the big spoon or, even better, lie on his back and just let you drape yourself over him in any way you please.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) Eventually he does want to settle down - he’d had his fair share of wandering around and not having one set place to call home - but he’s certain that you are his home. He’s decent at cooking relatively simple stuff and he obviously does it well enough to keep himself alive and strong. Cleaning isn’t his strongest suit, I mean… it’s difficult to keep things clean when you basically live on dirt roads and forests, and then later when you become King, you don’t really need to clean…

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) only thinking about this is detrimental to my mental health… straight to the point, as rational as possible, and put together, but he feels incredibly guilty when he sees the defeated look in your eyes, and he genuinely wishes nothing but the very best for you.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?) Aragorn is a certified slow burn king, he is very committed in a relationship and he would never entertain the thought of being with someone if he didn’t see it working in the long run. He would surely want to figure out as many things as possible before getting married and he would want to ensure that he can give you the best possible life.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) For somebody who is an amazingly skilled warrior and terrifying to his enemies, privately he is a very gentle man because with you he can let go of the constant caution and he doesn’t have to be on edge all the time. It actually fascinates you how different he can be in different settings. Emotionally as well, he is very loving and wagers his words a lot; it literally seems that he always says the right thing at the right time.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) For Aragorn hugs are a way of making sure you’re there and safe and okay, and they’re a great remedy for stress and tiredness. Bone crushing hugs after a dangerous situation include him burying his face in your hair or neck and holding onto you for dear life. His hugs are very comfortable - somehow he is always warm, and there’s probably a height difference so you can tuck your head underneath his chin. Again, he’s not too big of a fan of overt displays of affection, but when he comes into your shared quarters after a long day, you can always count on at least one proper hug.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) Slow. Burn. King. Surprisingly or not, you were the first one who hinted at those kinds of feelings between you two! After the first confession, he doesn’t say it too often in those exact words - they’re very special and sacred to him. However, he makes sure you know you’re loved in many other ways. For example, he can be very romantic and even poetic with his compliments and he will do anything for you, without you having to ask. I’d say his love languages are most likely acts of service and quality time.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?) Aragorn is literally not jealous at all - his trust in you is unwavering and he is confident that you love him and are committed to him. Rather he gets concerned if he thinks that someone is pestering you or making you uncomfortable and then he steps in if things start to escalate. To an outsider he will seem very cool and collected when he stands up for you, but you can read him better than that.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) He is a classically romantic man and there’s nothing better to him than a full-on love-packed kiss on the lips!!! Which is mostly saved for behind four walls. His kisses are always slow and thorough, he takes his sweet time showing you love, and one of his hands always winds up in your hair to pull you in even closer. Due to a height difference it’s also very convenient for him to kiss you on the forehead or your hair, whereas public settings and occasions call for something more subtle, like a swoon-worthy kiss on the back of your hand, which is often held in his. His absolute weakness is when, during more intimate times, you kiss him right under his jaw or on the neck.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?) To be fair, he hasn’t had too much experience being around kids, and he is mostly neutral - not good, not bad, he just thinks they’re okay. He’d be protective due to his nature, but that is about it.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) Before you he used to be a man who’d just get up and start his day immediately (if he’d even got proper sleep at all), but after you got together that aspect of his life changed greatly. He is unbelievably cuddly in the mornings and he likes to just wrap himself around you as much as possible and relish in that skin-to-skin contact while still being half asleep. You treasure those moments a lot, because ruling a kingdom is insanely hectic, and having him all to yourself in comfortable silence, or soft whispering, is priceless.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) Sometimes you must attend balls and dinners, which isn’t exactly on the list of his favorite activities, but having an arm around you and seeing you looking so royal and gorgeous and vibrant makes it much more bearable. The kinds of nights and evenings that he prefers, though, is when the two of you can just escape for a little bit from the hustle and bustle, and spend some time in nature. He can still sometimes miss the kind of life he’d had as a ranger, so you occasionally make an effort to steal him away and go exploring a forest or just camp out under the stars. He appreciates it more than he’ll ever be able to say.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) Many times we’ve established that he takes things slow most of the time, and here it’s no different. Furthermore, he is very in touch with his emotions and, while he still has struggles and doubts about a plethora of things, he is really good at sorting them out on his own. Occasionally you have to push him a little bit to confess some things to you (just because he doesn’t want you to worry about anything), but other than that he has no trouble revealing anything.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?) It really takes an extreme situation for him to get angry; he sometimes gets just a bit frustrated if he cannot change something for the better, and he feels like he should be able to.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?) His memory is impeccable, especially when it comes to “big” things and events, but sometimes details slip his mind, such as your favorite flower or dessert, but don’t hold it against him - he needs to process too much information on the daily. Actually it is a bit funny when he gets something wrong, like the favorite color for your new cape, because he gets unusually embarrassed and flustered , which is oddly funny to see on him.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?) While he treasures everything and anything, if he had to pick just one moment, it would be when you first verbalized your feelings for him. The two of you had been friends for ages, secretly pining for one another, but nobody spoke up for a while. Until once he was patching up an injury of yours and you didn’t have the clearest mind and weren’t fully aware of your words and surroundings… thus, things happened. He wasn’t really sure whether he should trust your clouded judgment and slurred words, but he decided to follow his heart and finally pursue you romantically. The fact that he could have lost you that day just cemented what he thought he felt for you, and he kind of criticized himself for not acting on his feelings way earlier.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?) Aragorn is very very protective in any way you can think of, it’s just who he is. One of his biggest fears is something terrible happening to you, and he will act out immediately, maybe sometimes even a bit rashly, if he senses that might be the case. You know he means well and usually you let him, although he has so much respect for your independence and knows you can handle many things on your own, but it just makes him feel like he’s “doing a good job” in at least one aspect of your relationship. You have almost never needed to protect him physically, for him it’s more than enough when you hear him out about something and even advise him about what might be the healthiest option for him - basically you protect him against burnout and overworking as much as you can.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) Aragorn is sort of in the middle of the spectrum - he doesn’t get you all the stars from the sky, but also he is never careless and he doesn’t take you for granted. Sometimes you give him hints about what you would like as a present or a date idea, and he’s intelligent enough to pick up on it immediately, and you’re both okay with that. Every now and then he goes out of his way, as much as circumstances permit him to, but one of your ways of showing him that you love him is when you take charge of planning an activity for the two of you, getting him a meaningful present, or just pampering him a little bit because honestly he deserves that sometimes.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?) He takes up entirely too many responsibilities upon himself and he tends to feel too responsible for others’ actions if he’d maybe been the one advising them or helping them in some way… and then he will feel bad if something goes wrong for somebody else because maybe he could have done something differently and the outcome would have been better.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) Have you seen him - this man literally doesn’t care. Obviously it stems from way before he was King, but eventually he has to start paying more attention to it, and he appreciates your comments and input about his looks and clothes.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) Not really, no. He’s fully used to being alone and is extremely self-sufficient in more ways than one. However, it’s undeniable that you bring great joy into his life and make it more rich and vibrant.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.) Hear me out… his morning voice is something else. That is all I’m going to say. (may the unholy thoughts begin)

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?) People who don’t stick to their word, break promises and things like that. He tries his hardest to honor the things he says and believes in, and that is also a personality trait that he really appreciates in other people.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?) He is an incredibly light sleeper and he doesn’t need a lot of sleep to function properly. He prefers that you fall asleep first as he watches over you. However, sometimes you have to all but force him to go get some proper sleep during some extra busy and taxing days, and then you run your fingers through his hair as he drifts off to sleep.

✨ taglist my beloved ✨ @lotrnonsense @starlady66 @queenmeriadoc @entishramblings @thesolarangel @silversword7000 @friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog @averys-place @valkyriepirate @emmaarenstarr @noldorinpainter @asianbutnotjapanese @adamgetawaydriver @fenharel-enaste @ironmandeficiency @starryeyedrogue @dinofromspac3 @wisheduponastar @lady-of-imladris @frodo-cinnamonroll

#he really is the perfect man #aragorn x reader #aragorn fanfiction #aragorn imagine #lotr x reader #Lotr headcanons #lotr imagine #lotr fanfic #lord of the rings imagine #lord of the rings headcanons #lord of the rings fanfiction #lotr #lord of the rings #aragorn #from my pocketses

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askingrachelberry · 2 months

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⭐ meet rachel, auditioning with she used to be mine from waitress.

" you might laugh because every time i sign my name i put a gold star after it, but it's a metaphor. and metaphors are important. my gold stars are a metaphor for me being a star. "

📍pinterest. 🎵 playlist.

wait, is that RACHEL BERRY? they kinda look a lot like MAUDE APATOW, don’t they? i heard the TWENTY-ONE year old is known as the OVERACHIEVER around mckinley. it seems like they auditioned to be in NEW DIRECTIONS which is so lame? people at campus have said they’re AMBITIOUS, but don’t be fooled since they’re also NARCISSISTIC. rumor has it, you can find them at DRAMA, DANCE/BALLET, GAY-STRAIGHT ALLIANCE, & ENVIRONMENT CLUB when they aren’t belting show tunes. their entire vibe revolves around GOLD STARS (IT'S A METAPHOR), THE EUPHORIC FEELING OF CROSSING SOMETHING OFF OF YOUR TO-DO LIST, & A GHOSTLIGHT SHINING ON A DARKENED STAGE but no one pays attention to that here in ohio.

BASICS

full name: rachel barbra berry

pronouns: she/her

hometown: lima, ohio

birthday & sign: december 18 & sagittarius

age: twenty-one

relationship status: single

sexuality: bisexual

occupation: student at mckinley arts college

clubs: drama, ballet/dance, gay-straight alliance, environment club

glee club: new directions

major: drama

HEADCANONS

rachel has always been an overachiever, joining club after club, spearheading group projects to the point where she just does them herself, etc. back in high school she had the excuse that it was to get into a good college. now it's simply a habit that she can't break. if her hand isn't up first in class when the teacher asks a question then something is seriously wrong.

rachel knows she's unpopular and she's very much aware of why (she can be too much for people sometimes and she's very focused on her own future, to the detriment of those around her), but it does weigh on her. she is more insecure than one might imagine and she longs to have some of the college experiences that movies have popularized.

her insecurity does not extend to her talent. she knows that she's too good for small town ohio and it kills her that she's wasting away some of her precious ingenue years, but college show choir is a real way to get attention. and it's important to have the training that a college like mckinley provides on a resume, even if one doesn't actually need it.

rachel likes to be in control of situations. she doesn't drink or consume any mind-altering substances and she gets the proper amount of sleep each night so she's always sharp. she has her routines and she's perfected them. however, if her control of a situation starts to slip, there's no knowing what she'll do.

for example, if she's been threatened by someone else's talent in glee club, the one slushie-free safe haven she's constructed at mckinley, maybe she'd go so far as to send that person to a non-active crack house to get them out of the picture...

WANTED CONNECTIONS

happy to plot something out via dms or discord !!

best friend

friends

rivals

frenemies

enemies

bully

co-stars

crush

TAKEN CONNECTIONS

blaine anderson. show choir competition. respects.

bree brown. disliked by / slushier.

brody weston. good influence (her on him).

finn hudson. teammate. confidence booster/voice of reason.

harmony pearce. former friend/rival.

jacob ben israel. weird little crush. it's simply canon.

kurt hummel. teammate. further specifics tbd!

noah puckerman. childhood friendly. their parents were pals when they were children and they bonded through having gone to the same temple. though they were pals when they were kids, by the time middle school hit their paths had been set - noah was destined to be popular and rachel was destined to not.

#wmacintro

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yeonjunszn · 2 years

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— 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞: 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐭

pairing: choi yeonjun x f!reader

word count: 2.8k

genre: fluff? i guess? idk how to describe it. also teensy bit of angst, thanks taehyun!

warnings for part one: mature language, mentions of alcohol, mentions of marijuana, you kinda just wanna punch taehyun in the jaw the entire time, nothing too crazy happens yet

summary: after being convinced by your friends to go to a party on campus, you meet choi yeonjun, hybe university’s biggest flirt. a couple years older than you, you learn that he’s actually the president of the host fraternity and there’s a lot more to him than just getting drunk every weekend and breaking girls’ hearts. however, getting to know someone of his caliber so personally always comes with a price, and you’re not sure if it was worth the cost.

— it took me like… a week? maybe more? to write this part alone so i’m not sure how updates are gonna work from here on out. but this part is the tamest of the five and really shows no depth into the plot of the series other than how they meet.

playlist

start. | next.

it wasn’t in your best interest to listen to anything your friends told you. they were all absolute fucking maniacs, and it really wasn’t detrimental to you or your health if you ignored them whenever they spoke.

however, the one time you didn’t block them out, is the one time you really wish you did. because it just so happened that single conversation would play a very big role in your life.

“the year is over and we’re not taking classes, so i think we should live it up!” sunyoung exclaims, shaking your shoulders around dramatically.

“listen, it’s just one night. if you don’t enjoy yourself, we can leave. we don’t have to become party animals if you don’t want to.” taehyun attempts to compromise. you sigh, cursing the boy for being so persuasive. with one final look to your other friend kai, who wore a pout on his lips in order to further convince you, you cave.

“okay! okay. we can go,” you groan, using the heel of your palm to rub your eye. “i don’t get what’s so popular about these stupid frat things, anyway. they’re just an excuse for students to get drunk off their asses and sleep around without any guilt.”

“that’s exactly why they’re so popular, my dear friend. and those are the same reasons why we’re going!” sunyoung grins, winking and shooting finger guns at you. “maybe not the sleeping around part, but for sure to get wasted.”

kai snorts, nodding along in agreement. his reaction forces a scoff from taehyun’s lips. “hyuka, are you even sure you’ll be able to handle all that alcohol? i don’t think i’ve seen you drink once in your life.”

“shut up, i’ll be fine.” he rolls his eyes. sunyoung laughs at the way his ears and cheeks tint slightly out of embarrassment. the girl pinches each side of his face, cooing at him like he’s a baby. he swats at her hands, deadpanning at the three of you. “i hate you all.”

“hey! i did nothing wrong,” you lift your hands in surrender. you point at taehyun and sunyoung, raising a brow. “hansel and gretel over there are the ones to blame.” they both gasp in offense at the nickname. you smile. “sorry, is bonnie and clyde better?”

kai slaps a hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh, their faces showing no amusement towards your remarks. the four of you finally decide to stop messing around and part ways to get ready for the night ahead of you, much to your dismay. it’s not that you hadn’t been to a party, or even hated them, you just didn’t understand the appeal. you weren’t a straight laced, prim and proper girl either. your grades were average, you drank with your friends (sunyoung mostly) on the weekends, you’ve even smoked a couple times since coming to the university.

you stare at your closet blankly with no clue as to what you should wear. knowing sunyoung, she was dressing to the nines. in general, she knew how to put together an outfit. she had incredible style, though that wasn’t saying much when compared to everyone else in your friend group.

you aren’t surprised when she comes waddling into your room, a short and tight shimmery dress fitting her figure perfectly. she has white platform heels to match, her makeup done like a professional, and her long brown hair, bangs and all, pin straight. it almost takes your breath away how gorgeous your best friend is.

“wow, sunnie, you look great…” you compliment, halting your hand from sifting through your hangers for the umpteenth time. “pretty sure kai’s gonna pass out when he sees you. that or he’s gonna wet himself.”

her eyes widen, a small giggle escaping her glossed lips. she lightly pushes your shoulder. for the first time since you’ve met her, you manage to make her fumble over her words. it was typical that it happened to be because of a boy. “s-stop! he doesn’t like me like that…”

“there’s no way you don’t see the way he stares at you when you speak. he was practically foaming at the mouth when you were teasing him earlier.” you refute, resuming your frantic search. your hair and makeup was already finished, but the guys said they’d arrive at your place at 9:00 and it was already 8:45.

sunyoung adjusts the bottom of her dress before shoving you out of the way, taking over your job. she zeroes in on a sheer black long sleeve and a pair of ripped up high waisted jeans, tossing them onto the bed behind her. you watch in amazement as she navigates her way around your room with ease. she opens a drawer, pulling out a black bra and throwing it in the pile with the other things she picked.

you don’t question her choices, quickly clothing yourself before realizing you still have no idea what shoes to wear, but she’s one step ahead of you, matching sheer black socks and black platform heels in hand. it was times like these that you wondered what you’d do without her. you’d definitely look like a hot mess 80% of the time.

you’re adjusting your gold necklace when sunyoung’s phone buzzes, indicating your friends were outside your complex. just like you predicted, kai short circuits at the sight of her. what you didn’t predict however, was taehyun to do the same with you. you were so sure he thought of you as a mosquito, but his gaze drifting to your chest every few seconds told you otherwise.

“my eyes are up here, y’know.” you joke as you’re walking to sunyoung’s car. it seems to snap him out of whatever trance he was in and he scoffs his signature scoff.

“shut the fuck up. i've just never seen you look so…”

“‘look so…’?”

“hot! he’s never seen you look so hot.” sunyoung calls out from in front of you. she turns around with a grin, walking backwards with her car alarm in the air, clicking the unlock button. “he doesn’t know how to be nice, remember?”

taehyun flicks her off and then the four of you are scrambling into her car. the frat house that the party was being held wasn’t too far from where you and sun lived, but you all were sure walking back piss drunk wasn’t the smartest idea. so you volunteered to be the designated driver.

the street is lined with cars by the time you get there, the lawn in front already home to drunk students knocked out or puking in random plants. you’d hate to be the person who tended to them. sunyoung finds a parking a few house spaces down and you’re walking toward the party before you know it. even though you weren’t gonna drink, being here was plenty terrifying. strangers were prone to hitting on you and you weren’t gonna have any liquid courage to turn them down (not so) gently.

it gets even worse when kai and sunyoung disappear the second you set foot into the frat house, leaving you and taehyun to your own devices. he’d be fine, you figured. he was a social butterfly. but you didn’t know anyone here except them.

“i bet you five thousand won that tonight’s the night those two quit being idiots.” he breaks the silence. not that there’s any silence to break with the amount of people crammed into one room and the extremity of the music’s bass.

“you don’t need to, ‘cause i agree,” you laugh. you glance around for a moment before turning to him again. “how’d you get us invited to this again? i don’t think i asked.”

“i know the guys throwing it,” he answers, leading you from the entrance to the kitchen, where all the drinks are. “i had a class with one of the frat’s officers and we became friends since he’s only a year older. then he introduced me to his buddies. they’re a bit much, but they’re not too bad.”

you hum in response, returning to the session of people watching you’d begun when you first walked in as you rested your lower back against the counter. taehyun stood beside you, red solo cup full of god knows what clutched in his grip. it takes a minute for them to do so, but your eyes land on him. you don’t know who he is, but he’s leaning against a wall, his own cup in one hand and the other in the pocket of his jeans. it appears that he’s doing the same as you, analyzing every single person in his field of vision.

you see a few guys go up to him and say something you obviously don’t hear, and then he’s standing upright, taller than you initially thought. your brain registers that he and the other guys are coming in your direction, so you look away just in case, not wanting to get caught staring.

a voice you don’t recognizes talks suddenly, and you glance over, realizing that it’s coming from somewhere near you. “taehyun, hey, you made it!”

“soobin! yeah, i came with my friends.” the previously mentioned boy says, dapping up what you count to be seven guys. when he remembers that you were standing right next to him, he decides to do some introductions. “we came with kai and someone else, but they ran off, so you’ll have to wait to meet sunyoung.”

the guy named soobin is a fucking giant with dark hair and the cutest dimples you’ve ever seen. he’s the fraternity vice president. then there’s beomgyu, a bit of a flirt, but kinda funny, thick lashes framing his eyes and shaggy hair with white streaks. he’s the one taehyun had a class with and the frat’s secretary. next is heeseung, a year older like beomgyu, the frat treasurer with an almost blinding smile. there’s also the ‘02z’, as they liked to be called, which consisted of jay, jake and sunghoon. they were about to be second years like you and your friends. and finally, him. choi yeonjun, two years your senior.

and the president of the fraternity.

you feel small under his intimidating gaze, but don’t let it show. as subtly as you can, you take in his appearance from up close. his black hair is parted down the middle, just long enough that your fingers might get tangled in it if you combed through. he has a pair of deep brown eyes, so many emotions and thoughts swimming inside of them, but none that you can decipher. his most notable feature however, is his full lips. they looked so plush that you wanted to punch yourself for wondering what it’d be like to feel them on your own. he was truly breathtaking.

your focus is now on the table of drinks behind him, but your mind is elsewhere. completely zoned out, you don’t hear the person trying to get your attention. he waves a hand in front of you and you blink, your brain comprehending him actually attempting to speak to you. your eyes go wide and he laughs, such a beautiful laugh that it puts all the others in the world to shame. it takes a moment for you to notice that this is the first time you’ve seen him with a smile all night.

“you’re not drinking?” he asks, tilting his chin toward your empty hands. you shake your head.

“i’m the d.d. tonight,” you playfully pout, side eyeing taehyun to your right. “but it’s fine, i prefer to recall things the morning after anyways.”

“no, you’re just a loser who doesn’t go out. you didn’t even wanna come with us. you volunteered to be d.d.” your ash blonde friend says in rebuttal to your answer. you don’t know which you want to do more, grab him by the ear to drag him out of this frat house and never show your face again or sink into the ground below your feet and cry. why did he choose today of all days to pick on you in front of others?

beomgyu snorts, cupping a hand over his mouth and turning away so you don’t see, but fails miserably. yeonjun purses his lips before wrapping them around a portion of the brim of his cup, taking a sip of his drink. “being sober is cool too, though. you’re less likely to do something you’ll regret at least. getting shit faced every weekend is only fun for so long until it kinda just becomes a habit.”

the fingers itching to pinch taehyun stop wiggling anxiously. you didn’t expect him of all people to come to your defense. you hardly knew him, just his name really. everyone stares at you expectantly and you realize you were just looking at him, without a response. your palms get a bit clammy. “y-yeah. exactly. i’m not a loser, tyun.”

the rest of the night was also something you weren’t anticipating. you thought you’d get left alone to wander, avoiding drunk peers stumbling throughout the house and couples making out in every corner possible. but instead, you found yourself sitting in the backyard with taehyun and the frat guys you’d just met, yeonjun included.

the summer breeze was refreshing on your skin, a cool contrast to the heat of the house from all the bodies packed like sardines. conversations came relatively easy. they weren’t anything like the frat boys in the movies. you know, assholes who only care about getting into the pants of anything that breathes and moves. they were actually pretty cool and most of them were funny.

“do fish have thoughts?”

you all turn to jake, laid out on the grass with a joint between his fingers. you found it hilarious that the hyperactive puppy was just as random when he was high. jay narrows his eyes at him, like he’s stuck between wondering the same thing or making fun of him. the glossy, bloodshot look in them has you leaning towards the former. when jake doesn’t receive any answers, he sits up.

“out of all the stupid questions you’ve asked, that one has to be the stupidest.” heeseung says to him, his words coming out as a mix of a groan and a sigh. a smile makes its way to your face, the softest of laughs bubbling from the back of your throat. the younger boy pouts, an expression so cute you almost wanna kiss it away, had you not been so attracted to yeonjun already.

“thanks for embarrassing me in front of a pretty girl, hee.” jake grumbles, flopping back down onto the grass. taehyun scoffs at the compliment towards you.

“you should see her on a daily basis, you might change your mind.” he argues, hugging his knees closer to him. you feel your face warm up again, that strong urge to run away resurfacing. you were used to his constant teasing, but you didn’t understand why he was doing everything in his power to humiliate you tonight.

“wow, you’re too kind, tyunnie.” you remark sarcastically, standing up abruptly. you came to this dumb party because he asked you to. you dressed nice and left the comfort of your apartment because he asked you to. you didn’t need this. and you definitely weren’t gonna sit around and take it.

your feet carry you back into the house, with no particular destination in mind. you just wanted to get away from him. when you spot kai and sunyoung in the living room, you decide you want to leave as soon as you can. you’re about to go up to them, when a hand on your shoulder stops you. you freeze, your head whipping around to see who it is.

it’s yeonjun.

“are you okay?” he yells over the loud music pulsing in your ears. for some strange reason you can’t pinpoint, the hint of concern in his features bothers you.

“what do you care? you don’t know me.” you shrug his hand off, your tone flat. he furrows his brows at the sudden hostility, yet he doesn’t back down.

“i wanna change that. don’t you?”

you should’ve ignored him. you should’ve kept walking towards your friends and got the fuck out of that house, with no plans of return. you should’ve said no.

but you didn’t.

#okay this was short i’m sorry #they will get longer at the series progresses #esp bc there’s only 5 parts #tomorrow x together #txt x reader #choi yeonjun #choi yeonjun x reader #choi yeonjun imagines #txt choi yeonjun #txt choi yeonjun x reader #txt yeonjun #txt yeonjun x reader #yeonjun x reader #sugar.yeonjun🍰#🐥 — cyj #yeonjunszn

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seokjinsonlyone · 3 years

Text

fall into your blu

pairing: seokjin x female reader

summary: “You don’t have to look like Beyoncé for me to be attracted to you.”

genre: friends to lovers; fluff; slow burn? kinda

warnings: there’s like a brief joking mention of booty calls; oc is like securely insecure; not much else really lol

rating: pg

wc: 7.1k

“I’m sorry I can’t... accept... this?” She winced, closing the door behind him. Felt kind of bad for not letting him get more than five feet into her place before shooting him down. She just didn’t want to have this conversation outside her building. Felt worse for referring to his confession as if it were a dirty gym sock.

His face fell. “Why not?” She doesn’t know what he thought would happen in this situation honestly. They’ve been friends for a good few years. Jin’s seen what she’s like when these kinds of things happen.

“Because I’m not pretty,” she stated plainly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which, to her, it was.

“You are,” he refuted.

“I’m not.” She wasn’t. She consumed enough media and spent enough time around actual pretty people in her lifetime to note the difference.

“You are to me.”

And well, okay, she wasn’t going to argue with him. Wasn’t any point in that. “But, like, I’m not, and I mean that’s fine for me. Like I accepted it a while ago, but it’s not fine for you.”

And it was fine. Not being pretty wasn’t the end of. It didn’t make her any less valuable as a person. In fact, it helped her develop a top tier personality. Also, less people bothered her and she didn’t have to worry about anyone having high expectations for her simply because of her appearance. Sure, she cried over her lack of physical beauty every few months, but who didn’t? Such was life as a twenty something.

“Are you saying this because you don’t like me? You can just tell me if you don’t.” He asked, narrowing his eyes at her, trying to read between the lines of her statement. There wasn’t anything underlying it, though.

“I mean... honestly I can’t say that I’ve put too much thought into us, like, together. But that’s, mainly because you’re out of my league.” Sure when they first met sometimes he’d smile at her and her heart would drop or her stomach would erupt with butterflies when he texted her, but she never let it get much further than that. Nipped it right in the bud. There was no point in a two pining over a ten. Okay, she didn’t see herself quite as a two. On her best days, she was a solid five maybe a five and a half with confidence but still. So, she settled into the role of friend easily and she liked it there. There was no ambiguity, she didn’t have to torture herself trying to analyze every little thing he did and said to her because there was no possibility of more. Until now, she guessed.

“I’m literally not?” He was.

“You are though.” Jin opened his mouth but she shook her head explaining further. “Objectively speaking, you’re very handsome and you’re a good dude on top of that. We’re friends right?”

He nodded hesitantly.

“Okay and friends should push each other to do better. which is why I can’t accept... your feelings?” She couldn’t wrap her head around the idea that he could possibly want to be anything other than friends. She couldn’t believe they were actually friends. The only time she was friends with straight males were when they were friends with her pretty friends and thus were forced into spending time with her and realized she was actually cool aside from, like, not being pretty. “You can get someone who’s hot and a good person.”

“What if I don’t want someone who’s hot and a good person?”

“Then you’re stupid,” she snorted. “I want someone who’s hot and a good person.”

“You literally just said I was both of those things.”

“Yeah, but that’s unrealistic. What would we look like walking next to each other holding hands?”

“A couple.”

She curled her lips at him. “Yeah, a couple of clowns.”

His lips dropped into a small pout clearly unamused with her line of reasoning, which again was very confusing seeing as she was spitting facts. The logic was impenetrable. “I’m being serious,” he whined, “ It took a lot to work up the courage to say something, and you’re kind of breaking my heart.”

And, well she didn’t want that. Like, she didn’t do feelings. Most days she’d rather die than emote, but she ain’t want to break his heart. She sighed, sitting on the couch and running her hands down her face, decidedly tucking her humor-coated defense mechanism away and tried to level with him. “I just don’t understand where all this is coming from?”

Which wasn’t the entire truth. She noticed he was acting a bit different toward her, a little more soft (lending her his jacket and tucking her underneath his arm when she was cold), a tad more vulnerable (sometimes when she asked the classic ‘how are you?’ he actually told her instead of responding ‘i’m fine’), a bit more thoughtful (when she was over his place the other day and was feeling a bit peckish he had some of her favorite snacks, even the ones he didn’t particularly care for. She looked at him like he had grown a second head, but he shrugged it off with a ‘you like it, don’t you?’). So, she can’t say this is all completely coming from left field, but she genuinely didn’t expect a confession. Didn’t expect him to grab her hand before she could go inside after dropping her off from their day out and tell her “I like you. I like you so much.”

Absently, she wonders if their outing had been some sort of ‘not date’ date. Now that she was thinking about it, they’d been spending a lot of time together just the two of them lately. The first few times when he invited her out she’d come expecting at least a few of their other friends to be with him, but didn’t really think much of their absence. She enjoyed his company and didn’t want him to think otherwise.

She also wonders if she had been subconsciously leading him on. She never actually rejected any of his advances, if that’s what they actually were. When he wrapped his arm around her, she leaned into his touch. It was, it was odd, but not unwelcome because she was cold. When he confided in her, she listened and tried her best to be comforting and boost him up. As a friend, she felt that was her obligation. When he bought her snacks or paid for her meals, she didn’t put up too much of a fight because well a) free food and b) she treated more than a few times.

“You don’t have to look like Beyoncé for me to be attracted to you.”

She stared at him blankly. He had a point there. Even though she wasn’t anything to write home about and despite her earlier declaration that she wanted someone who was hot, she definitely had crushes on a few people who were worse for wear to say the least. She also knew that if he was here telling her about anyone else, Beyoncé or not, she’d be happy telling him to go for it. But, it wasn’t anyone else. It was her. And, her brain was quite literally short circuiting at the thought of him… and her… them… together.

Her silence was perturbing him. She could tell by the way he forced a smile onto his face and stood up. “Hey, look, don’t worry about it. It’s, it’s fine. I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”

But, she wasn’t worried about that. She knew they’d be okay. They had the same personality type. They were very similar in many ways. She knew that if she really wasn’t for it, they’d still be friends. She would give him a little space, and if they happened to be brought together through their mutual friends she’d ignore whatever crush he’d allowed himself to develop and pretend everything was fine. Jin would deal with his feelings privately and put on a smile in front of her. It might be a bit awkward for a while, but they’d be okay. She knew that. It’s why she reached out her hand, interlocking their fingers, to stop him before he walked away.

“Hey, don’t– don’t go. I mean, you can if you want to, but like–“ What was she trying to say? If you looked into her brain it’d probably resemble that one episode of spongebob when all the files got thrown out trying to figure out fine dining and everything was up in flames. The little hers running around her mind didn’t know what to do. She took a deep breath. “Like I said before, I haven’t really thought about us, but I’m not… opposed to it.”

His shoulders slouched and he released a breath looking back down at her, squeezing her palm. “Okay, okay, that’s good. A chance is all I’m asking for.” He shot her a small smile, then flicked her forehead. “I’ll still go, though. Let you get a head start on thinking. I know it takes you a while.”

Her jaw dropped feeling utterly scandalised. “I changed my mind. I don’t even wanna be friends anymore.”

“Pffftttt. You wouldn’t be able to live without me.”

She scoffed in return. “Yeah right. In your dreams.”

“Yes, you are.” He dropped a wink and spun out the door.

She stared blankly in his wake. Did he just admit to dreaming about her?

She sank down further in the bathtub, face being the only thing left unsubmerged. Well, her face and like the entirety of her legs. They were leant against the wall of the shower. She wasn’t tall by any means, but her tub definitely was not meant for the soaking she liked to do.

Despite being young, she felt like she inhabited the body of someone twice her age and could honestly lay semi conscious in hot water (nearing cool by the time she got out) until you couldn’t distinguish her from a dried date. She also just liked being in the bathroom because it was the only place she was truly alone and disconnected. Well, her phone was always an arms length away because not having her phone nearby gave her anxiety and not every time she entered a bathroom did she want to be left to her thoughts. Too much time in her mind was detrimental to her mental well-being.

However, she had a lot to dissect tonight. She thought taking a bath would calm her down and while it did help channel her thoughts a bit, it did nothing to stop the fluttering in her heart. It was nice to know that she was liked. That someone saw something in her she didn’t see in herself. It also helped that said person was one of the most objectively handsome people she’s ever seen. But, that’s what worried her the most. It was fine that he liked her. It would be fine if that was all it was. If she could live in this purgatory of being liked, of having his attention no strings attached she would. She held the upper hand. He essentially handed his heart over to her while hers was still firmly beating in her own chest. But, what would happen if she started to reciprocate his feelings? If she gave him her heart in return?

Because the thing is, she knows it would be easy to give into him. It was easy being his friend. They just clicked in all the right places. It’s not like they were super close. Like, they’d definitely grown closer over the last few months, enthralling each other in late night text conversations and sending so many voice messages one could argue that they’d might as well been on a phone call (that consumed a very different level of social energy they both rarely could expel tho), but again it wasn’t the fear of losing him that made her hesitate. It was the fear of losing herself. If she gave herself over to him fully and somewhere along the line he decided he didn’t want her, it’d devastate her. She could almost see the heartbreak, the loss of self esteem, the ongoing existential crises from there. It was scary.

And it’s not like she thought Jin would intentionally hurt her because she didn’t; she trusted him. He was very honest and sincere. It was something she greatly admired about him. He was soft in all the places she was hard. Rounded in all the places she was sharp, and it made her grateful that life was kind of enough to grant him such privileges. Life hadn’t been as kind to her. When you grow up not being pretty on top of lacking social skills on top of having uncommon interests, things tend to be a bit different, more difficult.

Still, she wondered when would she ever get this opportunity again? It’d taken this long for one to arise, who knows if another chance would ever come. And as much as she liked to think about each and every way this situation could go wrong she owed it to Jin, to herself, to think about what could happen if things went right. Typically hope and expectations were squashed down immediately. It was the number one way to play yourself, but just this once she allowed her mind to wander to the optimism deep within.

Them as a couple seemed a bit far fetched from a bird’s eye view, but personally she could kind of see them together. She could see herself happy with him and vice versa. Could almost make out him staring at her in adoration. Maybe they could be in love. She didn’t want to get ahead of herself. But maybe. Just maybe, it might work.

She felt strange. In a good way. Kind of like she unlocked some sort of hidden secret to life. She felt normal. And, it’s not like she was some kind of weird, misfit, loner. She was cool. She had a good group of friends. She had acquaintances. Her coworkers all liked her and they bonded over their mutual dissatisfaction with their place of employment. But, she’d never had whatever this was. Sure, she’s been the object of a few people’s affections but never ones she would ever think about looking twice at. In turn, she’s had a few crushes who didn’t look in her direction. This was different though, Jin was looking at her and he was… definitely in her peripherals.

It wasn’t as if years of repressed feelings came rushing to the surface when he told her he liked her because they genuinely weren’t like that. But, the more she toyed with the idea the more appealing it sounded. She couldn’t allow herself to dive head first though. She needed to be sure this was real. It’s why she texted him after a few days of very little interaction, only signs of life in the videos she sent him from tiktok and his phone generated reactions.

[6:42pm] y/n: you up? 👀

She tried to be as casual as possible, but she’d never been this nervous texting him before. A little afraid he’d rescind his confession.

[6:45pm] jinnie from the block: it’s not even 7 why wouldn’t i be up

[6:47pm] y/n: ion know 🤷‍♀️ i heard old people go to sleep early

[6:47pm] y/n: have dinner round bout 4 and sleep by the time sun sets

[6:48pm] jinnie from the block: omg i’m not that much older than you

[6:48pm] jinnie from the block: anyway what’s up? this a booty call??

She nearly dropped her phone on her face.

[6:48pm] y/n: JIN ADSFLJADSFLJ

[6:48pm] y/n: have some decency booty call hours are between 10pm and 3am

[6:49pm] y/n: ion make them kinds of propositions in the light of day 😤🤚

[6:49pm] y/n: no omg i just wanted to know if you wanted to grab lunch tomorrow?

[6:51pm] jinnie from the block: booty ✍️ call ✍️ between ✍️ 10 ✍️ and ✍️ 3 ✍️. Got it.

[6:52pm] jinnie from the block: you asking me out on a date??? 👁👄👁

Her brain short circuited once again. Was she asking him out on a date? She didn’t think she was. She might’ve been. She was going to tell him that she was going to give him the chance he asked for. Things would change a little after that, wouldn’t they? They’d be like seeing each other. She was probably making this a bigger deal than it needed to be. She could tell she definitely was when he texted her again after she failed to respond for five minutes.

[6:57pm] jinnie from the block: hey sorry i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable

[6:58pm] jinnie from the block: i was just joking. it doesn’t have to be a date

[7:01pm] y/n: lol no ur fine that was fine i’m just being 🤠😃🤡

[7:02pm] y/n: i mean it’s not not a date

[7:02pm] y/n: like what really is a date 🧐

[7:03pm] y/n: according to google it’s a social or romantic appointment or engagement so i guess technically it is a date

[7:04pm] jinnie from the block: sweet ❤️ where we going

Now she was standing in front of the place they’d arranged to meet up, telling herself to calm down. No need to be feeling lightheaded at the sight of Jin. It was just her friend who liked her. Her friend that could be her boyfriend in a few weeks. It was fine. Everything was fine. She decidedly squashed the majority of those feelings down and entered the building. She was already ten minutes late, but he should’ve known by now that time was relative to her.

She circled her head around the area trying to spot him. She for sure saw his car in the lot. It didn’t take long to find him seated in a booth at the far corner of the restaurant. Was a wave a sufficient greeting? Was she supposed to hug him? A handshake would be weird, right? Why was she so unfamiliar with the protocol for this situation? So caught up in her thoughts, she hadn’t realized she already approached the table and was hovering awkwardly next to it.

He scrunched his face up at her. “Don’t be weird about it. Sit down.”

“I’m not being weird about it.” She was. But, like, now she didn’t know where to sit. Across from him? That left room for a lot of eye contact. Did she want that? Sitting next to him felt rather intimate though. She didn’t get to make that decision as Jin rolled his eyes and pulled her down into the spot next to him then flicked her head. She let out a small squeak at the action. “Why you keep doing that?”

“Because you keep being weird.”

“I’m cooler than you,” she scoffed.

“Are you?”

“Yes,” she bit back before retracting her answer, giggling. “No. Well, maybe. See you act weird and then apologise for it. I never apologise for my weird behaviour.”

He raised one brow at her. “And that makes you cooler than me?”

“Uh, yah. In movies, the cool girl is always the one who’s quirky and never apologises for being so.”

“Mhm. Okay,” he said dismissively, beginning to peruse the menu. “If you could be in a movie, which one would you be in?”

“A bug’s life,” she replied immediately.

His eyes widened, looking down at her. “No hesitation? A Bug’s Life? Have you been waiting to be asked this your whole life?”

She shrugged. “No, it was just the first movie that popped into my head. I’ll stick to it, though. You got an innovative social outcast who brings together a ragtag bunch of misfits who end up starting and winning a class war and saving their people from subsequent oppression. Overthrowing the bourgeoisie? Now that’s what I’ve been waiting my whole life to do.”

He chuckled. “I can’t believe you just used the word ragtag.”

“Using the word ragtag is also something I’ve been waiting my whole life to do. There are surprisingly little opportunities to use it. You know what else there is surprisingly little of? Quicksand.”

From there they launched into conversation about any and everything. She was talking so much, so animatedly that she barely touched her food. She’d take a bite every now and then when he tapped her plate with his utensils, but he ultimately picked at her food more than she did, stealing small bites in between her musings on various conspiracy theories. It wasn’t rare for her to not eat while engaged in conversation, but it was rare for her to be engaged so deeply in conversation outside her really close girl friends. She took a mental note at the fact and added it to the ever growing list of reasons why being with him wouldn’t be so bad.

At some point, she’d begun to turn towards him, so much so that by the time she’d gotten a to-go box for the rest of her meal that she was nearly completely facing him. He was listening to her ramble on about straws being a cash grab by the fast food industry with his elbow on the table, head propped up on his hand, a small smile gracing his face when he reached for her hair sweeping a few strands that escaped from the mass of curls she had pinned back away from her eye. She stopped talking instantly, mind going blank. She ain’t never had her hair swept back, her face gently caressed by a man.

“You’re blushing.”

“Am not,” she protested, face heating up further.

“You are.”

She wanted to knock the amused smirk off his face. Retribution would come at some point. “I’m brown. You can’t tell if I’m blushing.”

He snorted. “It’s written all over your face and,” he pressed a palm to her cheek, “your cheeks are on fire.”

She smacked his hand away. “They’re not. I’m just naturally hot blooded.” That was a lie. They both knew it.

“You’re anemic. You are the coldest person I know. You cry when the weather drops below 70.”

“Shut up,” she mumbled, hiding her face in her hands. It was in her moment of shame, unintentionally expressing feelings, that she remembered the whole reason they were there in the first place. She always forgot herself once she got started up on the bourgeoisie. Still, she was unsure how to approach the topic. She wrestled back and forth for a few seconds before mentally shrugging. Direct was probably best. They were both grown. “So… you like me?”

He gulped, seemingly nervous at the shift in topic. “Hey, listen, like I said don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

“I mean… if you want me to forget about it I will. Otherwise, I was willing to worry about it.”

His eyes widened at you, catching your gaze before looking downwards. “Really?”

She smacked his arm, sliding out of the booth and grabbing the bag holding her food which he took out of her hand after he slid out. “What? You think I’m mean or something?” To be fair she was a little mean, but she wasn’t cruel. “You think I would sit here and have lunch with you if I was gonna tell you to leave me alone after?”

“I don’t know! You were calling me bro this whole time. I thought you were preparing me for the friendzone!”

She rolled her eyes. “Bro, I call everyone bro.”

“That’s not true. You call children honey,” he corrected, holding the door open for her.

She pursed her lips at him. It was weird to know that Jin had been actively perceiving her. Like he just knew stuff about her. And it’s not like she didn’t know anything about him; they’d been friends for a while. But, she didn’t pay special attention to things like how he addressed children. It made her feel… something. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just…” she gesticulated wildly trying to figure out the right words to say. “I don’t know. It’s weird that you notice me. That you like me. Nobody likes me.”

“My name’s Seokjin actually,” he joked. She rolled her eyes. “Besides I’ve been noticing you for a while, there’s a lot to like,” he admitted, voice softening.

Her heart squeezed in her chest. She liked the way he made her feel. It was scary, but she liked it. She liked it so much that she threw caution to the wind and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together as they walked side by side. She could feel him burning a whole into the side of her face, but she refused to make eye contact. She was acting so out of character. She was going to have a serious chat with herself later. “Don’t be weird about it,” she mimicked.

He giggled but stopped staring at her so she guessed it was alright. “You into PDA?”

“Ummm… I don’t think so? It doesn’t seem like something I’d be very into. I mean, this is okay,” she answered, swinging their conjoined hands slightly before tacking on, “Is this– is this okay for you?” and looking up timidly.

“This is okay for me,” he confirmed, squeezing her hand. “You’re so cute. You try to act all icy like you’re the abominable snowman, but really you’re just bigfoot.”

“I can’t believe you just called me cute and bigfoot in the same sentence.”

“Well, you’re definitely not a normal creature.”

“But, why I gotta be a cryptid?”

“What would you prefer to be?”

She mulled it over for a few moments. “Nah. You’re right bigfoot works for me. A myth and a legend is what I strive to be.”

“It’s what you already are.”

She smiled to herself as they continued walking. She didn’t know where they were going seeing as they both drove but didn’t speak up. She liked this. Liked how normal everything felt. They were like how they always were except now they held hands and flirted a little. It was nice.

“Hey,” he said a few minutes later, pulling her from her thoughts, loosening his grip on her hand and opening the door to an ice cream shop. Hmmm. A man with a plan. Nice. “You wanna go to Jimin’s later? He invited me yesterday.”

“Is Jungkook gonna be there?” She asked absentmindedly, filling her cup with various flavours.

“Why?”

“He’s my little brother, and I love him.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “He’s six months older than you and Korean.”

“First of all, families can look however they want. It’s what’s on the inside the counts. Has Lilo and Stitch taught you nothing? Ohana means family,” she countered, sitting at one of the tables. “Second, age is a social construct.”

“Alright, I can let you slide on your first point, but age is not a social construct.”

“It is, though. Think about it. What is one year? The time it takes the earth to revolve around the sun. The earth was just in a slightly different position than it was when he was born from when I was born. Think about it in terms of light years. 1 light year is about 5.9 trillion miles. The earth travels about 584 million miles around the sun. Cut that in half and you get 292 million miles. Which is like 5 hundredths of 1 light year. Scale that down and you’re literally sitting further than how much older Jungkook is than me.”

He stared blankly at her. “You say so much nonsense on a regular basis that I forget how smart you are. But, also it’s impressive how you’re able to say such nonsense in such an intelligent manner.”

“It’s part of my charm.”.

He shook his head. “Anyway, Jungkook?”

“He owes me $10. Keeps asking me to buy him snacks or adding his stuff to mine when we go to the convenience store. If he’s there, I plan to attack.” He hummed in response. “What about Yoongi? And before you ask me why, it’s because he’s my soulmate.”

“I hate to break it to you babe, but Yoongi is my soulmate.”

“I beg to differ.”

“I don’t. I’ve known him longer.”

She scoffed. “Okay, and? In most dramas they introduce the second male lead first. You just paved the way for me homie.”

“You and Yoongi are the same person and therefore cannot be soulmates.”

She paused mid bite. “That’s fair. I guess he can be my duplicate and your soulmate. I would say he’s my twin, but he already banned me from calling him that.”

“So, you in?”

“Mmm… I guess.” A thought suddenly occurred to her. “What are we gonna do about–“ she gestured between the two of them, “Like, I mean I know this is like, brand new, fresh from the womb. But–“

“They know,” he breathed out through a laugh, ending her rambling.

“They know?” Her eyebrows shot up. They knew? Was she the only one in their group oblivious to his feelings?

“Well, they know everything up until what happened today. You mad?” he asked, obviously worried at the possibility of upsetting her.

She wasn’t particularly nosy. Wouldn’t have pried too much even if she suspected something was up. Still she didn’t like being out the loop. But, she guessed she was the most in the loop now, so there wasn’t really anything to be upset about now. Only thing she could hope for is that whatever they were doing worked out. It’d be humiliating otherwise. “Nah. Those are your boys. I get it.”

He was allowed to talk to them about his life even if it did involve her. Even if they were friends as well. She would eventually tell her girls. She was just a bit emotionally stunted and unnecessarily private so it took longer to open up about her life. She would tell them sometime soon. Or they would find out from one of the guys and be cornered into spilling everything. Whichever came first. That was, if this even amounted to anything.

She hoped it did.

Thirty minutes before she was supposed to get off, she sent a text to Jin letting him know she definitely would not be getting off in thirty minutes. It sucked because she hadn’t seen him in a week, and they were supposed to be going on a date tonight. There was no way, though, that she could leave her department in good conscience. She just added it to the ever growing list of frustrations that had been piling up.

Today was the third day in a row her coworkers left the entire day’s work for her during the night. How could two people waste eight hours (sixteen total) doing absolutely nothing? She didn’t like to work herself but she did it because that was what she was being paid to do. She did it because she hated for others to be left with an overwhelming amount of tasks. Apparently, she was the only one who shared such a sentiment in her department.

To add insult to injury she also hadn’t slept very well that night, she didn't get a chance to eat or drink today, and she missed Jin. She took a deep breath, pushing away the burning sensation building behind her eyes and kept moving.

Within five minutes of entering her home, she was in the shower eager to wash the day away. She sighed deeply as the hot water hit her shoulders, cascading down the rest of her body. It allowed her to get rid of the thoughts of work. She didn’t like to bring it home physically or mentally. What happened happened. Knowing her coworkers it would probably happen again. She truly liked them as people but sometimes their work ethic made her want to strangle them.

Now her main concern was Jin. They’d been dating for a little over a month and a half. Or, well, seeing each other. Things still hadn’t been labelled. They went on dates though. Was that considered dating? She made a mental note to google dating. Either way, she missed him. A lot. More than she thought she would. And, it’s not like they saw each other every single day, but seven consecutive days was a lot. She’s kind of grateful for it though. It made her realize how much she liked him. Up until now, she was still approaching everything surrounding him with a healthy level of skepticism. Feeling him out. Feeling herself out. Trying to see if continuing down this road was really worth it. If it was something she truly wanted not because she liked to be liked but because she liked him.

And, she did. So much. Before he was just her very chaotic friend. Her go-to for group shenanigans. But when she really paid attention to him, there was just so much to like. She liked how he texted her good morning and good night every day. First, she thought it was corny. Asked him why he was texting her like her grandma only for her heart to end up in a puddle when he told her he had to let her know he was thinking of her when he first woke up and just before he went to sleep. She liked how respectful he was of her boundaries (even when she didn’t necessarily want him to be). “I know I have a bit of a head start, so I’m sorry if that was too much. I don’t want to rush you,” he’d apologized a few weeks ago after kissing her cheek while dropping her home. It caught her a bit off guard, yeah, but it wasn’t unwelcome. Like at all. And yeah she did still like how chaotic he was. Liked how he helped her beat up Jungkook that one night (she didn’t really want any money back. She never minded buying him snacks here and there. Just didn’t want him to know that and get too comfortable. Had to keep the upper hand for the big sister agenda). He was still her best friend and she liked that.

She planned on telling him as much tonight, which was why this turn of events was so upsetting. Deep down she knew that a few more days wouldn’t be so bad. It wasn’t a life or death situation. It would be fine. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that. But, as it stood none of her basic needs were being met and her day was awful and she just couldn’t bring the little optimism that lived deep, deep, deep down within her to the surface. So, it was with a heavy heart that she got dressed following her shower and began her daily stare down with the contents of her refrigerator.

She has no idea why she didn’t stop and get food before she came home. She knew she ain’t have anything. Can’t imagine why she thought ‘the food at the crib’ (rotting spinach, a tangerine, and cranberry-grape juice) was gonna sustain her. A whine bubbled up in her throat and the burning sensation behind her eyes returned with a vengeance. She was seconds away from unloading the emotional baggage the week packed onto her, when a knock sounded at the door.

Quickly, she swallowed back all her feelings and prayed whoever decided to show up would be quick lest they be subject to her breakdown. Yet, it was precisely the person at the door who launched her breakdown into full speed.

Jin. With takeout.

She was so overcome with emotion at the sight of him that she immediately burst into tears. She made it a point not to cry too often because it was an ordeal for her. Her eyes got all red and puffy and she got a headache then she needed to sleep. An ordeal. Probably because when she cried she tended to cry for her past, present, and future; but that was a story for a therapy session she’d probably never go to.

He quickly sat the food down on her coffee table and wrapped her in his arms as she gave way to tears. She cried for all the bad things she’d been going through. She cried for the week they spent apart. She cried for the awful day she had. She cried because her next shift would probably be just as bad. Unexpectedly, though, she also cried tears of relief. She was so relieved that Jin was there. She’s missed him so much. She was relieved he brought food because she was starving. She was relieved he cared about her at all. “What are you doing here?” she hiccuped out, attempting to even out her breathing and draw this crying spell to a close.

“I still wanted to hang out tonight,” he explained gently, “Also my spidey senses told me you hadn’t ate yet.”

She choked out a laugh, nuzzling her face further into his chest. Not quite ready to leave the cocoon she’d trapped herself in. She needed a moment to gather herself and her thoughts together because the urge to spill her guts was raging. She knew the second she looked into his eyes she’d be giving her heart to him. Also, she really enjoyed the way his hands rubbed circles on her back.

They stayed huddled for a couple more minutes before she pulled back, looking up at him. He was so beautiful up close it was unreal. He brought his hands up from her waist, cupping her cheeks, wiping away a few stray tears with his thumb. “Don’t look at me like that. I know I look like a teletubby right now.”

“You actually look like Mrs. Puff.”

She stuttered out another laugh, smacking his chest noting the wet patch she left. “I’m sorry about your shirt.”

“It’ll dry.” He dropped his hands back down, this time settling upon her hips. “Are you okay? You wanna talk about it?”

She shook her head. Didn’t feel like rehashing her day. Would rather live in this moment. “Just a very long day and I– I, um–“ she gulped, forcing the words out “–I missed you.” She was on a roll now. Might as well get it all out there. “A lot. And… I really like you Seokjin. I’m sorry it took so long to say it. But, um, yeah I do. And, I want to be with you.”

Her eyes remained firmly fixed on his chest, heat washing over her form. Why did she feel so embarrassed right now? It’s not like he was going to reject her. Still, she refused to meet his gaze. That was until he lifted her chin with his finger. “I’m going to kiss you now.” Her eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. “Don’t be weird about it,” he smiled, cupping her face with one hand and bringing the hand at her hip to her neck, pressing their lips together.

She knew it was coming. He literally announced it before he started kissing her, but it didn’t stop her entire body from tensing up the second as she felt the gentle pressure of his lips against hers. In fact, she felt herself astral projecting, soul hovering just outside of her body to confirm it was inhabiting the right person. Then, all at once she came back to herself and melted into his touch slowly bringing her arms to wrap around his waist. Why hadn’t they been doing this the whole time? When will she be able to do it again?

He gently sucked on her bottom lip for a few seconds before pulling away slightly leaving a series of pecks in his wake. He rested his forehead against hers as they broke apart. Her heart was beating so fast she felt like she was gonna throw up. Or cry. Or both. This probably wasn’t the best position for him. He had a good few inches on her. Still, she didn’t want to pop the bubble they’d created. That was until her stomach loudly rumbled doing exactly that.

Her mind then became solely preoccupied with obtaining some form of sustenance. “What kind of food did you bring?” she asked, dropping to her knees in front of the coffee table where the abandoned takeout was sitting and rifling through the bags herself. “Chinese. Nice.”

He chuckled in disbelief. “That’s my girl.”

“So… you’re my boyfriend now,” she stated leaning back against the couch once her food tunnel vision widened out. Which was, like, kind of a big deal. She was never one to define relationships even if it was pretty obvious. Didn’t like to take the chance of being rejected. But, he’d put himself out there enough. She could do this one thing and she was like 87.2% sure they were on the same page.

“It seems so.”

He wrapped an arm around her tugging her closer before pressing a kiss against her cheek. Warmth flooded through her system and her heart began to swell followed by a wave of mortification as she thought about what this really meant. “Bro, this is so embarrassing.”

“Hey!” he whined. The arm used to cuddle her was now being used to keep her in a headlock.

“F in the chat for our fallen soldier.” She fake sniffled. “What am I supposed to tell Yoongi? We made a pact. We were supposed to die alone together.”

“Suddenly, I’m regretting this entire thing.”

“We have to put up an iron wall in front of the boys. I have a reputation to protect. They can’t know I feel.”

“We’ve been dating for almost 2 months already.” So, it was dating.

“Yeah, but they were being oddly nice about it,” she pouted. They were. They knew her. Knew this was way out of her comfort zone and didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. And, they definitely didn’t want to do or say anything to mess this up for Jin. But, now that they were official she’s sure pandora’s box was about to be opened. Everything they’d been holding back was going to be unleashed. “It’s all over now. The teasing will be relentless.”

“I’m your boyfriend now. You’re my girlfriend. I’ll protect you,” he declared proudly.

She snorted. “Corny.” She loved it.

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jangmi-latte · 3 years

Note

>♡< may i order some cheesy pomefiore headcanons with an s/o who's a ballet dancer?

➻ content: almond chocolate cocoa

➻ warnings: none

➻ comments: i've always wanted to try ballet. makes me wonder how weak my legs are. i've broke my boots one time attempting to stand on my toes :'D this was fun to write. i do be having mad respects for ballerinas.

i. vil schoenheit

➺ with him as a model and actor and you as a ballerina, there is no doubt that both of you will have strict self-care schedules for yourselves. daily yoga and workout with him during the mornings (maybe even late at night) is one of the ways you two would bond with each other.

➺ you may have your own healthy diet and vil somehow keeps track of what you eat to keep your slim figure.

➺ your diet is probably not as strict as vil’s so there are times you would tease him when it comes to any cheat day.

“look vil, i bought fried donuts.”

“get those detrimental calories away from me.”

“but they’re yummy :D”

“no.”

“come on just have a small bite for me.”

“y/n no--!”

➺ vil is a very supportive partner. he values and respects the hard work you went through just to master balance and grace. he would be there for your rehearsals and performances. if magicam had a story function similar to instagram, he would totally add you to his stories.

➺ being a ballerina includes inevitable bruises and wounds while practising. vil makes sure these instances are taken care of instantly. he cares for your physical wellbeing.

➺ dance practices with each other is one of your dates. he would catch you doing a grand jete and would smile in delight. like, damn look at his lover go.

➺ you're a sub mentor during the vdc.

➺ struggling to do a certain dance routine? vil is there to help you. we all know how strict he can be as a teacher and he’s no different when he’s helping you. you handled his teachings before anyways, there’s nothing new to it.

➺ he also uses that as an excuse to touch you (affectionately).

➺ imagine having his hands on your waist while he helps you posture properly during a certain step and then it wanders towards your stomach. the last thing you know he’s already hugging you from behind.

➺ if you’re a popular ballerina then it’s no doubt the paparazzi already caught wind of your relationship. vil would, one day, post a picture of you together and there you go, shippers everywhere.

➺ pomefiore students would be baffled by how flexible you are. you know those flexibility challenges on tiktok? you would definitely do that and the students would question if you have any bones. it’s possible you’re more flexible than vil, he’ll totally ask how you stretch during yoga.

“stretching that far back is scaring me,” he said, watching as you bent back while you sat in a front split. “be careful, you might break your spine.” you sat back properly, smiling at your boyfriend while you brought your legs back together. sitting doll-like while stretching your feet, “that’s my favorite stretching position. really helps with the back.” you stretched your arms this time, arms rising above your head before standing back up. vil simply sighed, knowing not to question the capabilities of a ballerina. you are far beyond your liege. his eyes wandered over to the shelf in the dance studio. there sat both your awards, his from modeling and acting, while yours are from your magnificent dancing. the real epitome of hard work.

vil’s mind began to wander at how far you two had gone-- until he heard a loud bang against the studio floor that his head snapped over to your fallen form. “ow…” you giggled while he clicked his tongue. “see, from stretching too much you got weaker. doing too much of one thing isn’t good.” his legs swiftly brought him to your fallen form. strong arms lifting you up bridal style towards a chair. “are you hurt?” he spoke with concern laced in his voice.

“this fall is nothing compared to how hard i’ve fallen for you though,” you shrugged.

“okay, that’s enough bonding with rook and epel,” he sighed.

“i love you though.”

“thanks.”

“vil! ow- ow okay okay i may or may not have bruised my knees--!”

ii. rook hunt

➺ most supportive boyfriend you had.

➺ it’s likely he fell for you after seeing you dance. would compliment you in the most poetic ways possible and even knows the words to ballet steps.

➺ his phone gallery and camera will be full of pictures of you. ranging from you in your ballet costumer to you during rehearsals yet in the most elegant pose you can do. you would think his wall would be adorned by your pictures too, but no, he has a corkboard just on the other side of his room with pictures of you.

➺ you bet, he’s there during your performances.

➺ would call for your help concerning the vdc since he knows you have potential that can help vil training the juniors. he really just wants you there since he, himself, gets tired from practicing yet he doesn’t show it.

➺ you accidentally kicked him on the face once you did a high split and damn, even with a bleeding nose, was he impressed. let’s not ask how you even kicked him, he just popped out of nowhere.

➺ if you were able to use a bow and arrow using your feet then… just imagine hearing a thump somewhere in the room because rook probably fell off a tree seeing that. that’s some hard ass skill to do and he just fell for you more.

➺ totally your videographer and photographer!!! taking confidence in your skills and looks considering you have to look fit and need to feed your fans with some content, rook would be your best go-to person when it comes to taking videos and pictures. he has got the best angles to capture your utmost beauty.

➺ people wouldn’t even question why rook is smiling while staring at a distance again. yet, as vil and epel had observed, his smile was more soft and sweet while he watched you suddenly dance in the school’s courtyard. he can’t believe you were actually his lover.

➺ is willing to run around and help you with what you need. leg warmers? check. water bottle? check. just as long as he gets to watch you perform he’s contented.

➺ if you have a performance outside of the country, rook would try his best to watch via social media but before you leave, he’s going to give you encouraging words and how he’ll miss you. when you come back home, you got, not only rook with a very proud smile on his face, but also vil (who apparently watched after seeing rook so immersed).

you cried and yelled awake as another cramp hit your calf. oh, those very painful cramps when you stretch your legs after continuous leg workout. rook was jolted awake by your screams and immediately sat up and bent your toes backwards. his hair disheveled and eyes panicked and concerned despite having sleepiness in them. “mon cheri...” his husky (still sleepy) voice called as you whined, feeling the pain immediately leave from the aid of your boyfriend. “are you alright?”

“sorry…” you sniffed, carefully adjusting your leg after rook had let go of your toes and laid back beside you. “that was your third cramp this week,” he spoke worriedly. half-lidded green eyes looking in concern. “aren’t you overworking yourself?” he asked. rook is, no doubt, a very supportive boyfriend when it came to your talents, but that doesn’t mean he’ll support the fact you're getting hurt and tired from overworking yourself. he has woken up to your screams of pain for three consecutive nights. he didn’t mind waking up to aid you, he’s just really worried unto why you’re even having cramps in the first place.

“maybe…” you mumbled, hiding your face on the crook of his neck, “scold me next time please… i don’t really like waking up to this or even disturb you from your sleep.”

rook chuckled quietly, whispering, “your dancing is one of the reasons i love you. but if i do need to watch out then i’ll call vil. i’ll be too immersed watching you dance to even notice.”

“rook,” you whined.

“alright, alright. now relax yourself, mon cheri. bonne nuit.”

iii. epel felmier

➺ is amazed at how high you jump and how flexible you are. he’ll attempt to do the same even though he has no idea how to do it exactly. when you mentioned it’s ballet, he went red and exclaimed, “t-that’s ballet…?!”

➺ remember when he complained to vil about the dane being meandering and girly and now he needs to do ballet? guess who he ran to.

➺ is actually quite skeptical that he may not look manly as he wanted to be but after you said that learning ballet can help with his muscles, he’s already bombarding you with questions.

➺ thanks to vil, both him and deuce already have ballet shoes. since they didn’t have to do a releve, it was just simply stretching and balance to teach.

➺ “epel, you need to look like a swan not a seal having an asthma attack.” “wHAt?”

➺ sure, you’re both in a relationship, but epel would still get flustered by your touches during dance rehearsals. like come on, he’s supposed to be the guy holding your waist to look attractive and not the other way around.

➺ even so, he’s thankful for your help. you’re not as ‘demonic’ (as ace would put it) as vil.

➺ when he’s just watching you, damn, the admiration in his eyes was oiling your gears more. he really wants to be strong and you know even your talent can help him go where he wants to be with vil’s guidance as well.

➺ deuce would downright be confused on how close you two are until you kissed epel’s cheek when he successfully spun without toppling over. the first year was dumbfounded.

➺ “all thanks to y/n!” he would cheer when vil pointed out epel’s improvement. man, seeing vil’s proud smirk and epel’s victorious grin-- you had to hold onto rook to avoid fainting.

➺ epel would want to have an innocent competition with you on who can spin the most without getting dizzy and he instantly lost while you’re still spinning. and you’re on a pointe.

➺ your magicam would be videos and photographs of him attempting and succeeding certain ballet routines or even just him practicing for the vdc. relationship goals and ace feels stupid about love.

➺ you would let him smack your ballet shoes (to soften them) on stairs or something if he’s pissed. at least your shoes will be easier to use.

“shit, this is harder than i thought,” the first-year pants as he collapsed on the floor. you rubbed your nape, watching as deuce’s knees quivered while balancing on a board. “alright, enough you two,” you called and gave them water bottles. you assisted the both of them epel by removing his ballet shoes and there, your eyes softened. he hasn’t even experienced the full ballet course (like what you’ve experienced) and you can already see bruises and the evident veins prodding on his skin.

“we’ll do some stretching tomorrow. you both did enough balancing for today. no legs shall be strained too much, who knows what’ll happen if you got injured during the duration of the vdc.”

“no, wait! i can do more!” epel persuaded as he stood up, only to wince and drop back on the floor after feeling the pain on his ankles. “see, that’s what i mean.” knowing the ice bags would come in handy, you approached your boyfriend and laid them on his feet. “you’re excelling enough, epel. do it more slowly. you were able to do a pirouette even without doing a releve and that’s already an achievement.”

you heard him sigh, watching his face grow solemn as he looked at his feet. “i just want to prove myself to vil…”

“and you’re proving yourself enough. he’ll see your progress and i can already see him being proud. all i did was guide you, you did all the hard work yourself and that’s what’s important to vil. chin up.” you smiled, pecking epel’s nose as he immediately looked away. his lips quivering to a small smirk before nodding. “t-then...i’ll make sure i can be strong enough to even beat vil! that’s my promise!”

poor deuce being a third wheel.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #twst x reader #pomefiore #pomefiore x reader #vil schoenheit #vil schoenheit x reader #rook hunt #rook hunt x reader #epel felmier #epel felmier x reader #twisted wonderland headcanons #twst imagines #night raven college

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well-its-not-human-anymore · 3 years

Note

So this is a personal one for me to ask and if you're not comfortable with it don't mind it; how would the tmnt boys (seperate) react when the reader confesses that they're autistic after the boys got curious when she had some peculiar, behavior or stims. The reader would be stressed, because she has a crush on the tmnt boy in question and she didn't want them to find her weird or just stop interacting with her. When she's met with confusion instead, because the boys never heard of it, cue this weird conversation where reader tells them to the best of her ability what it is and the boys just keep asking questions. Also some general headcannons with it maybe?

Okay so I'm actually really happy that you asked me this because I feel like ASD isn't portrayed a lot in any type of media. My ADD and ASD have a lot of overlap so I hope I can capture what you're asking of me!

Now let's get into it!

TMNT Headcanons

The boys reacting to an autistic reader

Leonardo

he wasn't really sure what was happening the first time you reacted

one minute you were standing next to him doing dishes and the next you were attempting to claw your skin off like an angry cat

Leo tried not to look annoyed as he watched you rub your hands against your shirt until your flesh started to turn red

you looked like you were crying but he knew you weren't

but your face was starting to turn purple and your cheeks were puffy from the effort of holding your breath

"Y/N? You need to breathe."

You shot a glare at him, scathing eyes meeting his now very concerned expression

your own softened and you clutched your arms to your chest, heaving oxygen into your lungs until your face became a normal shade again

"Are you okay?"

The words were stuck in your throat and you weren't sure if you should nod or shake your head

so you gave him a half-hearted shrug

he frowned back at you but turned to finish the dishes on his own

when he questioned you about it later he couldn't help but be curious

"Well actually it's uh- it's kinda a sensory type of thing? There are certain textures that I can't stand touching do I avoid them but if I come into contact by accident my brain just kinda explodes and I shut down."

"How exactly does that work though?"

"I don't really understand it much but like- you know that feeling you get when you think there's a bug on you and there's not but it really really feels like it?"

He nodded

"Yeah, it feels like that. And anytime I touch something that triggers that reaction it takes FOREVER to get the feeling off my skin. That's why I usually wear gloves when I do dishes. Guess I just forgot to grab 'em today."

He was sympathetic

and god, you were so embarrassed

lucky for you, Leo's not an asshole

"Well thank you for explaining it to me, you really freaked me out earlier. I'll talk to April and see if we can keep a pair or two at the lair just in case you forget again."

Consider your heart melted

you couldn't even find the words to thank him and holy shit was your face red

"Hey y/n?"

"Yeah Leo?"

"Why didn't you ever tell me- us that you were autistic?"

Did you rip the band aid off now or make something up? Which would ,technically speaking, be less catastrophic in the long run?

"I uh- I really like you and I really didn't want you or the other's to look at me differently..."

wow, you liked him? miss ma'am you have saved this boy a world of anxiety and damn does he thank you for it

"Thanks for telling me... and y/n? I really like you to."

Awh fuck yeah, best possible execution of band aid-ripping-off ever

Donatello

Donnie wished he could act surprised when you finally told him

he really wanted to, it would've made you feel better for sure

but he sucked at lying and he didn't want to make you feel like he thought you were an idiot

because that was so far from the truth

after going through extensive research on Mikey's behalf when he suspected he had ADHD Donnie had stumbled across many different websites that discussed the symptoms and overlaps between both disorders

to make a long story short, Donnie knew that you had ASD and he was waiting for you to tell him

it would probably come off as rude if he brought it up in conversation right?

he didn't want to risk it

but that didn't stop him from keeping an eye on you and your behaviors

he was a man of science, of course he was going to analyze you

not in a weird way or anything, just as a curious sort of precaution

but the longer you were involved in the turtle's lives the more noticeable your stims and meltdowns got, Donnie did his best to cover for you without making you suspicious of him

eventually he'd come up with something that he hoped would come across as a friendly gesture and wouldn't set you off or scare you away

it was game night at the lair and you, as always, were perched on the arm of the sofa, a large grin plastered on your face

inside your head was exploding but you were masking it pretty well if you do say so yourself

but Donnie was, well... donnie was donnie

so when he noticed you starting to rock a little more visibly he removed his attention from commentating the game and grabbed a pair of headphones from the side table

you were beyond confused when he passed them to you but your face revealed everything

"They're noise cancelling, try them on."

holy shit it was like putting your head underwater, everything was muffled

not in the way normal headphones did, you quite literally couldn't hear anything at all, just a calm amount of nothing

you nearly started crying when you realized that Donnie had figured you out on his own

but you'd never been more relieved about anything in your life

Raphael

he wouldn't admit that he was mesmerized by your presence

you practically radiated calm

his complete opposite

it was his favorite thing about you, because despite your quiet disposition and calming aura you weren't afraid to call him out or rebut any of his insults

this was not something you expected him to appreciate nor was it something you thought would make you catch feelings

but damn if you didn't

he'd been sitting in on yours and Donnie's little experiment for an hour or so now, watching you both exchange quiet whispers and inside jokes that you always seemed to lag on

then you slipped up

not bad, nothing detrimental to the project, just the same mistake that you'd already made ten times over

you might as well have exploded

"Y'N, you just have to move thi-"

"I KNOW DONATELLO. I FUCKING KNOW AND I JUST CAN'T DO THIS BULLSHIT!"

you set everything down gently enough to avoid breaking it before turning and storming out of the lab, waving your hands like they were on fire

Raph and Donnie exchanged a look that sent the larger red turtle following after you

when you calmed yourself down enough to talk you kept your gaze locked on the wall, explaining that you couldn't make eye contact when you were upset

he might not be the smartest brother, but Raph's no dummy, he put those pieces together pretty quickly after you told him that one small detail

he wasn't upset that you didn't tell him and you'd personally never been more relieved

your heart nearly splattered into the stratosphere when you finally gace him your own explanation

"yeah, I like ya too."

you grinned so wide you were sure your face would split open and your entire body rocked side to side with excitement

he thought that was pretty adorable too

And he did stick around to offer a bit of support when you apologized to Donnie for screaming at him

Michaelangelo

to be frank it probably shouldn't have taken so long for Mikey to realize that you were autistic

the similarities between your own personality and his ADHD were so in sight it was near painful

it was his turn to make dinner that night and you'd made sure that you came over early to help him set up, you knew how side-tracked he'd get and you were the poster child for solid routine

what more perfect matchup existed?

trick question, there isn't one

you were on one side of the counter cutting vegetables and he was on the other throwing said vegetables into the mixing pot

the music was at an ungodly level of loud so your only means of communication were screaming over it

"MIKEY."

"WHA?"

"YOU GOT THE-"

"YEAH."

"AND THE-"

"UH HUH."

"COOL, HAVE YOU SEEN THE-"

"TONGS? NO, THE SKEWERS. YEAH, THEY'RE IN THE OTHER DRAWER."

"THANKS."

the two of you went about your previous tasks, thinking nothing of the conversation that had just taken place

at least until you'd begun washing your knife and cutting board

that's when Casey walked in, looking both perturbed and annoyed at the same time

"Alright, which one of you knows telepathy?"

Mikey exchanged a glance with you and you returned it with a raised eyebrow

"The hell you mean brah?"

he looked at the both of you like you were the ones that had grown four extra heads before speaking again

"You literally just had a conversation with like five words and somehow just knew what the other meant? What's up with that?"

you glanced at Mikey again

"Holy shit, did we?"

"I mean, not really. You used your hands."

now all three of you were confused but it quickly became two when Casey shook his head in defeat and left the room

"You know I think he's right."

he blinked first and your staring contest ended

"But you used your hands-"

"I got autism Mikey, one does not simply not use their hands as forms of speech."

"You're-"

"Yep."

was the silence laughing at you? could it do that? it was kinda rude

"Huh, that actually makes sense, that's not mean is it?"

you shook your head no

"You're just me but fast."

Mikey agreed with that, pestered you with a few more questions, and went back about working, as did you, you saw no reason to address it further

but your cheeks burned red

"Yo- Y/N that actually explains why everyone else thinks we're a thing."

you didn't know if you could choke on air or not but you did it anyways

"Are we?"

he gave you his signature grin

"If we are then Raph owes April a hundred bucks."

you returned his smile

"Oh this oughta be good."

I'd like to preface this by apologizing for my near three week absence. Life got crazy and my writer's block hopped on a train, went through a school zone, killed seven pedestrians, and committed tax fraud before tumbling off a cliff never to be seen again.

But on the bright side- I got my SAT scores back and started some scholarship applications. Super happy with that. School's out in a few weeks so I'll be able to write more (hopefully).

Anyways, I hope I got this one down okay. I may have hyper analyzed the request so I might be a little off. But I really enjoyed doing this one and I hope you like it!

-Mars 🌠

#tmnt bayverse #tmnt headcanons #tmnt x reader #askbox #ask response #writing requests #writing blog #writersblock #tmnt raphael #tmnt donatello #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt leonardo #tmnt 2014 #tmnt 2016

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melwilson · 3 years

Text

Good For You - B.B.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Rating: Modern AU. Kinda angsty, Fluff

Warnings: Mentions of ptsd, suicide, anxiety

A/N: I wrote this in honor of our beloved Bucky’s birthday (yes, this is a few days late) I also just think it’s important to recognize the struggle that war vets go through on the daily. As someone who had family in the military, it sucks to watch them come home and not know how to live a civilian life. What is portrayed in this imagine is not the life of every vet, but the truth is...most are struggling. They’ve seen and done things that no one should ever have to, but they do it so we as civilians don’t have to and can live freely. veterans deserve the world. be kind.

Torrid. Sweltering. Iraqi heat.

The low rumble of a humvee. Buzzing flies.

Grumbled complaints, laughter following.

Cold steel of a semi-automatic.

Silence.

A high-pitched ringing. Smoke. Panic.

Hot sand. Flashes of light. Pain.

“Sergeant L/n...L/n...Y/n...”

“Y/n, hey. You alright?”

You blinked once. Twice. A third time before you finally came to yourself. A sharp breath passed between your lips, your eyes locking with a pair of warm brown ones. It had been months since your last flashback thanks to your weekly meetings with former Air Force pilot, Sam Wilson. He had approached you at the VA after he spotted you trying to sneak out. Bathroom or an exit strategy, you couldn’t really tell the difference. You had only gone to the meeting because your brother thought it might be good for you to attend one. There was a lot rolling around in your head. There was a burden you were carrying that no one could carry alone. Your brother knew that and if you wouldn’t open up to him maybe you would open up to someone who could relate to you. Months later you were thanking him for pushing you to go because there you had met your best friend and confidant. Sam was a light in your life when you never thought you would see light again. After getting back state side, he took it upon himself to help new war veterans. Though it took you awhile to warm up to him, you were grateful to talk to someone with shared life experience.

“Flashback?” Sam asked, his voice understanding. In the first few months of your meetings, you couldn’t go a day without seeing what had happened. It haunted you and no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t outrun it. So you stopped trying. For awhile it felt as if you were drowning. You were too tired and the surface was too far. You were in so deep that there was no sunlight to guide you back. But slowly, your sessions with Sam allowed light to penetrate the surface. Each session allowed the light to go a little deeper guiding you up until you could grab onto Sam’s hand and he could help you up the rest of the way.

“Yeah...but I’m good.” Your voice was firm. Believable. To anyone else they would have moved on and changed the subject. Sam had gotten good at reading you. Your eyes told the story your lips refused to tell. “What were you saying?”

He nodded, shifting in his seat. “There’s a group meeting tonight. You don’t have to talk, but I think you should come. The people there...are good people.”

Your eyes glanced over the brick building that held the stories of many men and women who had been neglected by their country. Men and women who deserved better. You sighed as you pulled open the glass door, the solemn atmosphere hanging over you like a cloud. It didn’t matter that the sun was shining brightly through the windows, the things that were shared were anything but bright and uplifting. You stuffed your hands into the pockets of your jean jacket, your feet padding softly against the tile floor. The smell of coffee filled your nostrils as you rounded the corner into Sam’s room. He sent you a smile and a wave from where he was standing across the room. You returned the smile before grabbing a styrofoam cup and filling it with the warm liquid. Slowly, the room began to fill with veterans who usually had to fight the war going on in their heads alone. But for two hours, they were able to fight alongside those who understood. Those like you.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Sam said, his shoulder brushing your own. He grabbed his own cup, filling it coffee, neglecting cream and sugar.

“I am too.”

You sat silently towards the back the room, listening intently to what was being shared and the bits of wisdom Sam threw out for the taking. He was such an easy-going, caring person. He was easy to talk to, never judged. There was a sincerity in his eyes that deemed him trustworthy. That’s why so many people liked him.

So far only four out of the twelve in attendance had shared. Steve- a tall, blonde, former seal who served six tours located all over the world. He was the physical embodiment of a soldier. You had seen him around the VA and Sam’s place before. He was kind, but his eyes held the weight of one who had seen too much. Tony- a marine whose story surprised you. He was smart and came from a wealthy family. He joined the military because taking over his family’s business didn’t appeal to him. He was quick witted and had a cocky smirk that made everyone roll their eyes. Natasha- A fiery red head who served as a Navy intelligence officer. She now worked in the private security business, but carried around a load of baggage from her days in the military. Clint- Former army sniper who retired after nearly being killed. He decided it was time to throw in the towel before he left his wife a widow and his three kids without a dad.

“In case you hadn’t noticed, we have someone new tonight,” Sam mentioned. He held out his hand to a man sitting on the left of Steve. There was a ball cap atop his head, his shoulder length hair tucked behind his ears. He sported a brown jacket on top of a worn, red henley that was much too tight for his frame, dark blue jeans, a pair of black combat boots. “This is James, aka Bucky. It took a lot to get him to agree to show up, so please make him feel welcome. Let’s take a break.”

Soon the room filled with low chatter and Sam’s presence was felt behind you.

“Army vet,” he muttered shortly. “Five tours. He’s been home for a year cooped up in his apartment dealing with his mess. It’s torn him apart. You should go talk to him.”

You turned to him, an eyebrow raised.

“You’d be good for him,” Sam replied. He’d be good for you too.

Before you could object, Sam had pushed you in Bucky’s direction. You turned around, subtly flipping him off before taking a seat next to the brown-haired man. He glanced at you and you offered him a small smile.

“I, um, just wanted to introduce myself,” you said softly. “I’m Y/n.” You extended your hand, which he took hesitantly.

“James,” he muttered back. “Do you come to these often?”

You nodded, pulling your hand back, your fingers grazing over the callouses on James’ palm. “Sam forces me to. I don’t really have a choice.” An airy chuckle passed through your lips. “They help though,” you added, “If that’s what you’re really wanting to ask. I’m not a very open person either. Coming home with no purpose, no orders, and with what was going on inside my head...was detrimental. It’s not overstating things to say that Sam saved my life. I was hesitant to come too, but it was worth it. I’m here.” I’m alive.

He tilted his head up slightly, his eyes bouncing around the room nervously.

“I talked to Sam privately. I don’t feel comfortable talking in front of a group like this.”

“Does it have to be Sam?” He asked. “Like can I maybe talk to you?”

You were taken aback by his question, your eyes widening in surprise. Everyday was an uphill battle to keep your thoughts under control. Trying to help someone else with their trauma was a huge step. A step Sam had been urging you to take. “Me?”

“You don’t have to,” James rushed, “you just seem...nice.”

“No, no, It’s okay, We can grab coffee somewhere, or meet here.”

“What about you’re place?” James suggested.

You nodded. “Yeah, yeah. That sounds great. How does tomorrow sound?”

It was a five o’clock on the dot when there was a knock on your apartment door. You stood up and rubbed your sweaty palms on your jeans. You weren’t sure how Sam was such a natural, but you were already nervous. Opening the door, you were greeted with James. He was basically wearing the same thing as the day before, but instead of a red henley, a dark blue one covered his torso. His right hand was stuffed into the pocket of his jeans, a tight-lipped smile on his face.

“Hi,” you said softly, “Come on in.”

You watched as James’ eyes raked over your apartment. It smelled vaguely of the coffee you had brewed and fresh hardwood. To his left was a panel of windows with a beautiful view of the city. The sun was just overhead sending a stream of light into the room making it naturally warm. It’s homey, he thought to himself. A few picture frames littered the walls, a couple on the tables on either side of the couch. A particularly large picture caught his eye. A wide smile was on your face, your arms thrown around what seemed to be people from your unit. Your skin was kissed by the sun and James was sure he had never seen a more beautiful woman. Even though the photo was a little blurry, he could see the light in your eyes. A light, that looking at you right now, your eyes seemed to lack.

“Can I get you anything?” You asked, noticing how James hadn’t made any movement towards the couch.

“Water is fine.”

You returned from the kitchen with two glasses of ice water. James followed you to the couch where he sat down next to you, leaving a considerable amount of space between the two of you. This is the second time he had left his apartment in a week. He wasn’t sure the last time he actually had the will to get out of bed.

“We don’t have to deep dive into anything personal today. I know we don’t know each other and I know that this is weird for the both of us. You can ask me a couple of questions if you’d like.”

James sat stiffly on the couch, his knee bouncing slightly. “Where did you serve?”

“Germany, Egypt, Afghanistan. You?”

“Yemen, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Syria, Japan.”

You turned towards him, pulling a knee onto the couch. “Thank you.”

James glanced at you quizzically. “For what?”

“For what you did for this country. I know you don’t get told often enough. None of us do.” There was a sad smile on your face as you made eye contact, James’ blue eyes searching your own. His eyes were beautiful, though they had more darkness than any pair of brown eyes you had ever seen. They told his story and displayed the icy waves that threatened to pull him under.

“I don’t remember the last time someone said that to me,” James said sadly.

“Well, if no one else ever does...I will.”

Over the course of the next few weeks, not much was shared between the two of you. You learned that James wasn’t much of a talker, but he enjoyed listening to you. He enjoyed the comfort and warmth that you brought. Although he didn’t talk much, he was gradually becoming more comfortable around you. He was no longer sitting stiff on the edge of your couch. He knew where the glasses were to get himself water. He even suggested leaving your apartment a few times. You were proud of the progress he was making. It was slow and subtle, but maybe that’s what he needed.

Something was off. James could tell. You were unusually quiet and fidgety. Your usual calm demeanor was replaced with something he couldn’t exactly pinpoint.

“What’s wrong?” he asked after twenty minutes of silence.

Your head snapped up, fingers messing the dog tags around your neck. “Nothing.” Not once had James seen you wear your dog tags or, as a matter of fact, seen anything that related to the army except for pictures.

“It’s an anniversary,” James put together, “You lost someone.”

Naturally, your gaze fell to the picture of your unit on the wall. An overwhelming sadness crept over you, your shoulders slumping, furrowed eyebrows tugging at each other.

“I-“

James cut you off before you could speak. “We don’t have to talk about it. I understand...and if you want to be alone, I understand that too.”

“No,” you shot back, “No, I want to talk about it. I want you to stay...please.” There was a desperation in your voice that you hated and that James had never heard before.

“I’ll stay. I’m here,” he reminded.

You swallowed allowing yourself to feel the emotions you had been trying to push away for a week. “We were in Afghanistan.” A distant look formed in your eyes. “Just a routine drive around the outskirts of the city. We stopped to talk to some the people...the kids would always run up to us because they knew we carried candy. This day we were taking a different route. It was a route traveled by locals so we just assumed it was safe...as safe as it could be for Americans. If we went under fire...there were fourteen of us. We could handle it. I remember having an off feeling about traveling this new route, but you always have an on edge feeling in a place like that. It keeps you aware. I shrugged it off, but I should have known something was wrong when there were no locals on the street that day. Officer Cale had said something undoubtedly hilarious. He was special. He made our time in the desert a little more bearable. He was in the passenger seat, I was behind him. I remember looking out of the window and spotting little patches of disturbed ground. I was going to say something, but it was too late. Our humvee didn’t take the hit...the one in front of us did.” Your voice was shaky, a stray tear rolling down your face. “Ours flipped upside down. I can’t remember what happened in the time of me getting dragged out, but I remember being under heavy fire. It was nine against at least two dozen combatants. We held them off for awhile, but more of them just kept coming. I was shot twice. My thigh and my arm. There was blood...everywhere. I thought I was gonna die that day.

Cale told me that there was a chopper two mikes out from our position. We just had to make it there. We had the advantage being at the top of the hill...so we made a run for it. He carried me most of the way there. We could see the chopper, but then we fell. Um, C-Cale had been hit. Twice in the leg, the other a dead shot.” James let his head fall, a shaky breath falling from his lips. He shifted closer to you, his hand reaching out to wipe the tears rolling down your cheeks. He let his hand fall to your lap, hesitantly intertwining his fingers with yours. You squeezed his palm weekly, thankful for the comfort and something to ground you. “He died trying to save my life and all he has to show for it is a damn purple heart. They had to leave his body and when they went back for it it was gone. Four of us made it out alive, Bucky. Ten of my brothers and sisters died. I got to come home, they gave me a purple heart and silver star, and told me live my life. Hide the trauma, forget what happened. I don’t go a day without thinking about them. And sometimes I wonder if maybe I should have died out there too.”

If you weren’t pouring your heart out to him, Bucky would have relished in the way his nickname rolled off your tongue. Instead, he pulled his hand from your grasp and shrugged off his jacket. You glanced up at him and then down at his left arm. A prosthetic. Not once had you noticed it. “IED. Pakistan. I lost everyone too. My arm...or lack thereof, reminds me of it everyday. Because I was their Sergeant, that guilt has driven me over the edge more than once. If I hadn’t met you two months ago...I don’t think I’d be here right now.” His confession caused you to sob harder and suddenly, you were met with a warm chest and a chin on top of your head. “Thank you for everything you’ve done, Y/n. You don’t hear it enough.”

You weren’t sure how long you guys stayed there and you weren’t sure when you fell asleep, but when you woke up you were still on the couch. An arm was wrapped securely around your waist holding you flush against them.

“Sleep good?”

You jumped, your head shooting over to where the sound of a familiar voice was coming from. “What are you doing here?”

Sam chuckled. “You didn’t answer my calls yesterday. I came over this morning and walked in on this.” Bucky shifted, his grip loosening allowing you to sit up and slide off the couch.

“I should have never given you a key,” you muttered. Your brushed past him, moving to start a pot of coffee. You could feel Sam’s heavy gaze on your frame causing you to turn around. “What?”

“Are you alright?” Sam’s voice was low, a hint of worry laced in his eyes.

You nodded your head, your eyes falling to the sleeping man on your couch. It was probably the most at peace you had seen Bucky, his chest rising and falling with even breaths. “Yeah. I’m alright.

You followed Sam over to the door. He was halfway out of the apartment when he asked, “Was I right?” He’d be good for you too.

“Aren’t you always?”

A smile covered his lips, “You deserve to be happy. He does too.”

“I know,” you replied. “Thanks for checking in.”

“Anything for you. Call me later.”

You watched Sam down the hall before the shutting the door trying to stay as quiet as possible.

“Sam invading your space again?”

You turned around, a laugh falling from your lips. “As always.” You watched as Bucky sat up, patting the space next to him. “How’d you sleep?”

“The best I have in a long time,” Bucky answered honestly.

There was a short pause as you thought of what to say next. “Thank you for staying.” You reached out to grab Bucky’s hand giving it a short squeeze.

He brought the back of your hand to his lips before his dropping your tangled hands onto your lap. “You would’ve done the same for me.”

#fatws bucky #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barns x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #the winter solider x reader #bucky barnes imagine #the avengers #marvel imagine #marvel fanfiction #marvel fluff

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peakyswritings · 3 years

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Black Widow

Luca Changretta x fem!reader

Requested by: @lilywinchesterlove

Summary: Luca thinks he has finally found the one, but what happens when finds out that she hides a deep, dark secret? Eventually, the truth always comes to light

Warnings: mentions of abuse, mentions of murder, mentions of death, drinking, swearing, angst

A/N: this took really long, but I made it! I changed the request a tiny bit, I hope you like it!❤️⭐️

The gif is not mine, credits to the owner

Long dresses, neatly pressed suits, bright jewellery, alcohol flowing. Luca had never liked big parties. Despite his luxurious lifestyle, those ostentatious displays of wealth weren’t exactly his cup of tea; not to mention the fact that all of those strangers wandering through his house made him extremely uncomfortable. He’d much rather spend time with his family, or his closest men, instead of taking part in those boring business talks with men who took a despicable pleasure in showing off both their richness and their trophy wives who, in turn, were engaged in an endless competition. But even his birthday was a way to expand his business and make new alliances.

Nevertheless, that night his mind was occupied by something else, way more important than the middle-aged man who was bragging about his new Bentley. He was on edge, absentmindedly taking frequent looks around the room, waiting for Matteo’s face to appear in the crowd. After almost two weeks of waiting, he was about to get the answers to his questions.

“I don’t like her, she’s hiding something”

“You don’t know her”

“Apparently, neither do you” Vicente argued, trying to talk some sense into his son. “I’m just telling you” he added “to keep an eye on her”

His father’s words ringed in his ears as he watched his mother hug you, thrilled to finally see you again. He wasn’t expecting her to like you so much when he introduced you to his family, the way she had welcomed you was a pleasant surprise. She was quite good at reading people, her sixth sense was seldom wrong. However, his father didn’t really agree with his wife and, as soon as he found himself alone with him, he didn’t hesitate to point out the fact that you didn’t seem like someone who could be trusted. You were suspiciously vague when they asked questions about you, or your past.

As much as he hated to admit it, Luca knew he was right. You never talked about your past or your family, you dismissed every question, changing the subject whenever he tried to find out something more about you. At first he thought that there was something that you weren’t ready to talk about - the scars on your body were the proof - and he was fine with that, but the more time passed, the more he realised that the secret you were keeping was deeper than he thought. So he followed his father’s advice, hiring his most trusted man to gather information about you. He felt guilty, like he was breaking your trust, but he had to be aware of the woman he wanted to marry.

Matteo glanced at him from the other side of the big room, nodding towards the door. He distractedly excused himself from the men he was talking to and headed towards his office, feeling his impatience grow second by second.

“Did you find anything?” he asked, closing the door behind him.

Matteo placed a folder on the desk. “Everything’s written here. I also found some documents that might interest you”

“Good”

Luca wavered for a moment before opening it. He could feel the agitation rise moment by moment. It was still perfectly sealed, as he had ordered. No one, except for him and the man in front of him, must know anything. He had no idea about what he would find out and he didn’t wanna risk to expose something that you didn’t want to be known.

His eyes meticulously scanned the pages, the more he read, the more he tensed up, not recognising the woman that they described. He looked up from the sheet, glancing at Matteo. Even though he knew what was in that envelope, he didn’t comment nor ask unwanted questions. His discretion was the reason why he had been chosen for the job, after all. He shook his head in disbelief, tossing the papers on his desk. You couldn’t have fooled him like that. No one fooled him like that.

“That’s all?”

“Yes, sir”

He nodded, trying to regain his composure. He cleared his throat, neatly stacking the sheets again. “Call Y/n, tell her to come here”

He didn’t need to say it twice, because Matteo immediately walked out the room.

Luca sat on his chair and waited, tapping his fingers on the wooden surface. Mixed feeling fought inside him, anger, disappointment, betrayal, confusion. One question kept on haunting him.

Why?

The creaking sound of the door opening made him lift up his eyes. “Did you want to see me?”

“Sit down” he said, gesturing towards the chair on the other side of the desk. You frowned as you did as he said, waiting for him to start talking. You guessed it must’ve been urgent, since he hadn’t even waited for the guests to go away.

He examined you, trying to find the smallest bit of evidence that could prove what he had read was true. But you sat in front of him, looking at him with your big eyes. If your intentions were malicious, you were way too good at hiding them behind your sweet voice and charming smile.

“Why don’t you tell me about your husband?”

You froze on the spot, feeling the colour drain from your face. “What?”

“I’m sorry, maybe I should say your first husband” he corrected himself, oddly calm. “He died on your wedding night, right? He hit his head, it was a bad accident”

As much as he tried to hide it, rage radiated from every cell in his body. You could see it in the way his back stiffened, in the way his hands gripped the arm of his chair until his knuckles turned white.

It couldn’t be happening. You had moved far away from home, changed your style and habits, you even changed your surname. There was no way he could have known. You put your initial shock aside, the realisation of what it all meant was enough to make you get suddenly defensive. “Did you look into my past behind my back?” you raised your voice, getting up from the chair.

“And how about your second husband?” he added, unfazed, completely ignoring your question. “The one who died in suspicious circumstances. It must’ve been a nightmare for you, becoming a widow twice”

Despite his straight face and apparent calmness, the sarcasm in his voice was clear.

“Stop it.”

“Good thing they were rich, the papers here say that you inherited all of their money” he noted, pointing to the documents. “They also say that you probably poisoned your second husband, hence the reason why you’re known in your hometown as a Black Widow”

Black Widow. That’s what everyone called you. You could almost hear their whispers, filled with ill-concealed inquisitiveness and detriment. It was easy to talk. Two words had so much power that they could turn someone’s world upside down in a matter of days. Hours, even.

“You don’t know anything about what I went through” you gritted your teeth.

He got up and poured himself a glass of whiskey, as his could feel his unmoved facade was starting to falter. “Now you’re going to tell me a fake heartbreaking story, trying to get me to pity you, aren’t you?” he mocked you, drinking it in one go. “You wanted to do the same to me, after all”

His harsh words were like punch in the gut. He was nowhere hear the truth, but the distance in his eyes made you feel like it didn’t matter what you’d tell him, he wouldn’t believe you anyway. He probably already had his own version of the truth. “So you’re going to judge me without even listening to what I have to say?”

“I want to hear what you have to say” he snapped, slamming his glass on the desk, avoiding your gaze for the first time. “I want a fucking explanation” he growled.

You nodded, looking away from him. As hard as it was to talk about it, there was no use in beating around the bush. Being straightforward was the best way of getting on with it. “It’s true” you stated. “I killed my first husband”

He shot his eyes towards you, not expecting you to actually admit it. If you had to be honest, you didn’t expect it either, your own voice seemed foreign as you said those words out loud for the first time. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it right away, deciding to let you talk instead.

“My father needed an alliance with him to expand his business, so he arranged our marriage” you added, crossing your arms. “I didn’t even know him. On our first night, I refused to sleep with him. He beat me with a cane”

He clenched his jaws at your words. That explained the scars on your body, the way you hid them and the reason why you would never tell him how you’d get them. The feelings he felt for you overpowered the bitterness for a moment, the thought of someone hurting you made his blood boil.

“At some point, I managed to take it from him and I hit him on the head. My family covered it up and I wasn’t charged”

The more you talked, the more you realised that there was no going back. He was about to know the whole truth, he was about to decide whether to believe you or throw you away, because he couldn’t risk it.

“After his death, my father arranged another marriage. I didn’t like the man, but he was decent. He died from a disease, I didn’t kill him. Of course, word spread and everyone believed I had poisoned him or something like that. After that, I cut contact with my family, packed my bags, changed my surname and moved here. That’s all”

That’s all. Like it hadn’t been the hardest time of your life. Like it hadn’t been more then a simple change. But you couldn’t afford to let your feelings get the best of you, not after all you had done to come to terms with what happened to you.

Luca didn’t know what hit him the most, your story or the way you had told it. The emptiness in your eyes, the coldness in your voice. Or maybe your calmness. It seemed like you were telling someone else’s experience, not your own. But could he really trust you? Or it was just a trick to make him end up in a wooden box, just like the others?

“You’re telling me that as if it doesn’t touch you”

“What, did you expect me to cry?” you narrowed your eyes, turning to him again. “That would be the right reaction to what happened to me, wouldn’t it?” you rhetorically asked.

He blinked, taken aback by you question. He tried to say something, but you interrupted him. “You know, my reaction is exactly the reason why people started talking. You have to act like a victim, or else you’re the guilty one. But I’m not a victim and I don’t need anyone’s compassion. Not even yours” you added, taking a few steps towards him.

Your tone might have been calm, but the almost imperceptible tremble in your voice gave away the stream of feelings running inside of you.

“I’m independent, I run my own company” you paused, stopping just a few inches away from him. “I didn’t need their money, or yours. You can choose to believe me, or you can leave”

You steadied your voice, looking him straight in the eyes. You didn’t want him to leave, a small voice in the back of your mind was begging him to stay. You didn’t listen to it, though. You loved Luca, you truly loved him and the fact that he thought you could ever hurt him was killing you. But it was his choice. He was free to leave, if he wanted. It didn’t matter how much it hurt, you would find a way to go on, like you always did.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Something changed in him, his gaze softened, his voice dropped. It seemed like rage wasn’t blinding him anymore, leaving space for the tenderness he only reserved for you.

“I didn’t want my past to define me” you admitted. “I wanted to leave it behind me, I didn’t want you to look at me and see...” you stopped, not knowing how to express it with words. “I’m more than that”

Luca looked at you in silence. He still had the woman he loved in front of him. You were the same woman he had met the previous year. Everything you were slowly building together felt too genuine and spontaneous to be fake. No one could lie like that. Maybe it was risky, but something in him knew told him you were telling the truth. He knew you were telling the truth. You did what you needed to do to survive. He brought a hand on your cheek, gently stroking it.

“What I see” he said “is a strong, beautiful, independent woman who went through a lot, but who’s capable of making it on her own, without anyone’s help”

You leaned into his touch and placed you hand over his, relieved at his words. Luca was he only man you had ever loved and trusted and the prospect of a life without him terrified you. It would’ve been way too hard to pick up the pieces and find a reason to go on, it would’ve taken too much time for your heart to heal. You had finally found something you wanted to hold on to.

And he loved you too much to leave you.

“I would never hurt you” you whispered “I love you”

He leaned in and kissed you. At first it was soft, tender, until it became desperate, almost rough. He grabbed your waist and pulled you closer, as you brought your hand to the back of his neck.

He slightly moved away, placing two fingers under your chin to make you look at him. “No more secrets”

“No more secrets”

Tag list: @arwyn-the-cyrptic-bisexural @iamngoclinh08 @lilywinchesterlove @fandom-puff @capitanostella @caelys @lucillethings @peakyxtommy

#peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinders fics #luca changretta imagine #luca changretta x reader

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theseerasures · 3 years

Note

While you're doing reactions, if you're up for it, how are you feeling about all the finale predictions you made on March 23? By my count, you scored pretty well!

hooooooo boy (the alluded post, for those just catching up)

how i feel about my predictions is that...you’re right and i scored pretty well, but much like the characters doing right in the episode itself, it didn’t matter. part of the reason why the finale made me feel so much--why i loved it, despite still being emotionally hungover from ugly affect--is because i WAS right, but i was so often right but wrong on a smaller scale, or right but wrong because i completely misunderstood the overall thematic stakes, or in one case right but in such a phenomenally cruel and roundabout way that i’m still reeling from it.

more detailed breakdown under the cut (as in “let’s unpack this,” and as in “i have an emotional breakdown”):

WHERE I WAS MOSTLY RIGHT

Team Green, Yang, the non-Robyn Happy Huntresses, Klein and the non-combatant Schnees were gimmes from the beginning, even the ones of whom we didn’t have visual confirmation by the end of Worthy.

Pietro and Maria are still MIA so i’m putting them here, but...Winter’s gonna have to tell Pietro, when he shows up again.

Cinder and the Relics i was correct about, but even though i knew going in that she would win i didn’t imagine the scale of her victory. mostly because i thought she might have learned some self-discipline and just skedaddled with the Relics in an attempt to trap as many people as possible in superhell, but a) she didn’t, and b) she won without needing to.

Salem, Watts, and Ironwood are where i predicted, but i think part of me really bought into the fan theory that maybe Salem would want to keep Atlas around. both Watts and Ironwood lasted much longer through the episode than i expected because i was working from that assumption, but with the direction the episode actually took it makes perfect sense that they exited the stage as Atlas fell--they are, after all, twin architect-destroyers of Atlas. brains and brawn.

Nora ended up in Vacuo, but she’s...uh, not happy about it. not that i expected her to be happy, but this is much much worse. og JNPR is now JUST Renora, and much as i love freewheeling modular megazord JNPR, that’s gonna hit like a truck. last time they lost someone Renora were consciously trying to play supportive teammate to Jaune, who’d just lost his partner, and Nora especially also had to talk Ren off the edge with the Kuroyuri stuff. i expect they’ll swap the dynamic this time, especially since Nora was already planning to go all independent woman before this.

Qrow, Robyn, and the AceOps are stranded, but in transit and not in Mantle, because Mantle the place is no more. and Vine is dead. the reason i posited that the AceOps might be split up was so they could find their team dynamic after it’s been unsettled, and...well. having one of them do a heroic sacrifice should do a similar trick. because i didn’t think Atlas would fall on Mantle i thought Qrow and Robyn (particularly Robyn) would get more to do, but both of them are pretty much exactly in the same place they were in at the beginning of the season: trapped in a cramped environment, cut off from the people they love and uncertain what happened to them, and unable to contribute in a way that they would consider meaningful. i’m guessing we won’t check back in with this crew for a while, but if we do it’ll be interesting to see if the Qrow and Robyn dynamic changes--like, if he has to be the one to talk her down from cabin fever and despair. (before he finds out that he was the one who should have been despairing all along.)

WHERE I WAS MOSTLY WRONG

Neo is in superhell. i had put her in Atlas because i’d overestimated Cinder’s ability to play the long game, but what the show ultimately doubled down on was that Cinder remains at heart a petty and impatient opportunist, and that’s where she’s most effective. which i dig! i dig that she has not so much improved (in means or ends) so much as learned to hold the beneficial and detrimental parts of herself farther and farther apart, because in the end they’re all the same parts, and because presumably she’ll end up starfishing out so much (who knew the way she took care of Winter’s death pigeons was foreshadowing?) that she breaks in two. and i dig Neo in superhell without Cinder, because it’ll be our first chance to see Neo not working for anyone outside of that one time she fought Cinder. if superhell does end up being part afterlife, she might also get some closure with the Torchwick stuff.

Jaune being in superhell points to it being part afterlife, because the chance for HIM to get some closure is also right there. that was always the case, but the reason i made the prediction i did was because i assumed that Jaune would remain the person he has been this whole season--this stolid, clueless but incredibly effective supporting leader. having a Jaune who is at the top of his game meet up with Pyrrha again is obviously appealing, especially to me, a person who scribbles misshapen hearts labeled “Arkos = 5evr” on all my notebooks, but at the time i didn’t think it was necessary to his story...and then the story dramatically shifted his character and threw all my carefully hedged bets off (which is something we’ll also get to with...later).

having a Jaune who has just effectively EUTHANIZED someone meet up with Pyrrha again isn’t just appealing--it’s vital. and it’s vital because the exact parameters of how and why Jaune ended up having to kill Penny is a point-for-point echo and escalation of the way the Amber to Pyrrha transfer was supposed to go. last time Jaune Arc was party to a Maiden transfer process he had no idea what was going on, and he tried to intervene when he worked out that whatever Oz was doing was going to hurt Pyrrha, and that however minute thing contributed to Pyrrha’s death and the Fall of Beacon. this time it’s not just that he knows what’s going on and the stakes of it. it’s not even just that he is the Ozpin operating the Aura Transfer machine. it is that there is no machine--there is just him, holding the knife. he knows the Amber better than the Pyrrha this time, and this time the Amber is his friend, and still whole, and choosing. not just consenting, but asking him. trusting him. so he carries it out. the old Maiden dies, and like Ozpin he dies shortly after, but not before he watches the new Maiden fail.

but he does prevent history from repeating, because a new Maiden is created, and she gets to live. and Cinder Fall has made him a murderer on top of everything else, but she WILL remember him, now.

there are other people i was wrong about, but that’s...for later.

WHERE I WAS RIGHT AND IT DIDN’T MATTER

Ruby, Blake and Weiss are all in superhell, so on paper i was right, but...well. sing it if you know the words. the reason i’m putting them in their own section is because it’s not just that they fell and didn’t jump like i thought; it’s that they would not have jumped, and that changes everything. you know how i realized that we would lose everyone, and not by choice? it was Weiss. it was when Weiss said we have to do this for Yang. Jaune had reminded Nora of what was priority one minutes before, but the implications of that didn’t sink in for me until Weiss confirmed it. they PLANNED for this. not just the eventuality where they would have to die, but the one where they’d have to watch everyone else die and do nothing except keep going.

which...has implications. the best way to read this--and i think we’re all dying for some good news--is that even if it certainly does not feel that way, RWBY was able to snatch a partial victory from Salem’s claws. they lost the Relics, but they got the Maiden powers away, and most importantly: they saved Atlas and Mantle. by the time Jaune intervened Grand Central was empty. there was no one left to evacuate. they didn’t get everyone, but they got a lot. even before Cinder intervened so catastrophically they knew how many things could go wrong, so they made a plan, and largely stuck to it. on a purely material level they only lost one thing vital to the war effort--the Staff. but they got everyone else out, which was priority one. the show in general and this arc in particular has emphasized that our heroes don’t think they should be exceptionalized, that they’ll fight tooth and nail to make sure everyone is given the treatment and respect they deserve, and they’ve made good on that. they’re Huntresses, and Huntresses be thou for the people. they chose, and they won what mattered to THEM.

but on the flip side: they chose, and there’s no way to read this choice as anything but a compromise...and a very Atlesian one at that. when confronted with calculus similar to the one JYR faced after they lost Oscar in War, our heroes chose...the opposite. one, then three, then four, then five, then six for the many. what was that number compared to two entire cities’ worth of people, especially when they’re the ones who signed up for this? i’m not trying to take this down the slippery slope where our heroes are no better than the dictator they just dethroned, because when the time came for sacrifice they chose themselves first. but it remains a sacrifice, which means that when the time came to test the hard moral limit they set for themselves, they...moved. they decided ahead of time that some risks aren’t worth taking. that this is not a situation where everyone wins, so they had to go for the next best thing, then the next best thing after that, and so on. i’m honestly not sure where it points to yet, except my usual refrain that this show is a lot less didactic than it seems, but...yeah. this is going to lead to some invigorating discussions in-universe.

and maybe it’ll start with this: that Jaune and Weiss--the two who had to verbally advocate for leaving the fallen behind--fell last of all, which means they had to watch everyone else go first. and the last person they saw was the same person. Weiss, who executed the plan to brilliant perfection, saw the past--the first family she ever had--streaking after her in an endless void, forsaking the priorities they all agreed upon, for her. Jaune, who followed the plan to execution and broke a part of himself, saw the new Maiden he crowned, backlit and pulled away by the bright future that he ensured was possible, but can no longer access.

QUEENMAKER

i’m starting with Penny, because Penny came first. there has already been a ton of discussion on the ways that she’ll come back, and while i absolutely agree that she will, for now i am not so much interested in that as i am in eulogizing this Penny. the Penny we had just now, not identical but continuous with the Penny we had before that, in the same way that everyone is not identical but continuous with who they were in the past. the Penny who IS dead, her eventual resurrection notwithstanding.

because she DID die, and her death matters. that’s the thing about the deaths in this season, and it furthers my point re: RWBY’s presumed didacticism--the show’s treatment of death has changed as our heroes have changed. it is no longer (and never was) as simple as “death and sacrifice are always senseless waste,” and more something like...”death has to matter, and we will give it meaning.” Hazel and Vine sacrificed themselves, and the fact both resulted in a “positive” outcome (more lives saved) does not make the deaths any less tragic. but neither should the tragedy of it take away from the fact that they saved lives. what separates our heroes from a Salem or a James Ironwood even now is that they recognize the importance of grievable life even as they accept inevitable death, that what is worth it all about preserving life is not to make sure that lives go on forever, but that lives have meaning and are remembered, that when you’re gone the people who are still here respect you enough to carry that meaning with them. it’s a tenuous balance to walk, but all the more important for that reason.

Penny--though her death can and will be reversed--is much the same. in every arc there has been a Game of Three Maidens (which i guess would make shogi the better metaphor and not chess because--what AM i on about), and in every Game there has been sacrifice. and i thought that would encompass Winter, here. we’d get away with it not being literal death, since Fria already took care of that, but she would be trapped on the other side of the gate--in pretty much the exact same position James Ironwood ended up in the episode itself, actually. it just seemed obvious: she’s the decoy, the one who missed the call by inches, the last revealed defector when there still was an Atlas from which to defect. all of it pointed to Winter’s story ending with one last delay barring her from salvation, of her finally being too late...

and well. i WASN’T wrong in the broad strokes, but first there was Penny Polendina. Penny could have let Jaune try to save her and Weiss die for her, but she knew she had to make a different choice to save as many lives as possible. so she offered herself up as the sacrifice instead. last week i waxed prolonged poetic about how Winter defected so recently, how it has been just IronwoodandWinter for so long, how Winter doesn’t have a team and only the healing shreds of a family, how no one would think to look for her...and then Penny did. you were my friend. (given Winter’s rough age and the hazy creation dates for the PENNY Project, it’s possible that Winter is Penny’s OLDEST friend.) Penny thought of Winter as she was dying, thought about the good Winter could do if Winter had her powers, believed in Winter, and in doing so, saved Winter’s life before anyone else’s.

she ceded the spotlight to Winter in this last episode, but this season as a whole belongs to Penny Polendina--the myriad ways she creates herself, the ways she defends her self-creation, ultimately culminating in her new body, created by no one but herself. but for her final act the Maiden of Creation did something different and no less miraculous: i thought of you. a thought was all it took.

she created someone else.

KINGSLAYER | THE MAIDEN THAT WAS PROMISED

the thing about Winter is that she came first.

no, i’m serious. i checked the fairy tale and everything--Winter came first. as the Wizard’s first visitor she encouraged him to reflect and meditate, and when probed about why she was here at all, she answered: i am waiting for my sisters. Spring and Summer have to wait, too, of course, but. Winter was the first.

Jacques and Willow named their firstborn Winter. it is not the way this story begins, but it is certainly is one of them, because the story begins with Winter, and Winter begins the story--a new retelling, a new cycle of heroism. we’ve since been introduced to other characters in that indeterminate age group between RWBY and STRQ, but Winter--by virtue of being Weiss’ older sister--anchors herself to the new generation in a way those others (even Cinder, who comes closest) do not. she started things, in the mythical emblematic way that this show likes to move, and the way she started things--the way she MADE herself start things, thanks to the house she grew up in--was with love, and protection. she took care of Weiss and laid the groundwork for the person Weiss is today, and conversely: she took care of Weiss, and through Weiss, laid the groundwork for herself and how to take care of everyone. so eventually the steel thread she tied to Weiss she also linked to Whitley, to Penny, to Marrow, to all the people they love, and on and on it goes. Winter loved Weiss, so she made herself learn how to love Weiss, and so when i say she started things what i mean is she started family. a new home, for a new generation of the orphaned.

Winter came first. but as the show demonstrates time and again, especially with Winter: first does not mean best. because being first also means you’re the prototype, a volatile thing that must be tested and tempered and then discarded to make way for what comes after, what gets improved. and it is THIS part of being first that Winter has internalized most of all. Winter, the first Maiden, taught the Wizard peace and prepared the earth so that her sisters could grow and foster and harvest the life within it; Winter, the first Schnee, laid the groundwork in her siblings, but did not wait for them. and let herself fallow in the process. she left, and every time they tried to follow or stay with her she sent them away. (she keeps sending them away; even after defecting and taking down Ironwood, the first thing she says to JNPER is go.) Winter laid the first stone in the foundation, but she cannot take credit for the home her family turned it into, for all the ways it has flourished, because she willfully absented herself of that (birth)right.

and the reason she did this was very simple: she was afraid. she could not bear the thought that while she had to learn how to love she made mistakes, the idea that instead of preparing the earth she might have poisoned the well. so she ran. she turned her face away so she would not have to look, so they would not look to her. she left, and every time one of her siblings superseded her after that, every time she was made to be their Esau--passed over--it just seemed to confirm that she was right to leave. look how well they’ve all done without her.

in the stories, eldest siblings aren’t here to win. they’re here to be made an example of, and Winter...had resigned herself to that. she was prepared to be left behind for good by all the people who have outpaced her.

but then there was Penny Polendina. Penny didn’t follow her, or try to stay; Penny came back for her. Penny remembered Winter when all Winter wanted was to be forgotten, because she’d gotten it in her head that it was what she deserved for all the things she’d done or enabled or failed to do. why did Penny remember Winter? because you were my friend. there is no divine complexity to it, nothing for Winter to fall hopeless short of. there is only the fact that Winter gave Penny something, made something together with Penny, even as she was trying her hardest not to, for fear that she would create something terrible. and this does not take away from all the ways Winter did fall short, but it is still SOMETHING. and it is enough.

it was your power, after all. Penny means the Maiden powers, but she also means THIS Maiden’s power: the power to create. you made this home, Penny is saying to Winter, you should get to reap its fruit, even if you weren’t around for the labor. all you have to do is say yes.

this was a gift. she says yes. she accepts, because in the end Winter Schnee loves her family more than she hates herself.

but then--

(a gift for what? Winter will ask herself wretchedly later, after she has failed in the two tasks she thinks Penny set for her.)

the thing about Winter is that she came first. she taught Weiss everything she knows, and she was so busy doing that she never had the time to show Weiss everything she feels. so in the end what Weiss never predicted was that for all of her team’s painful planning, for all of her own pained enforcement of that plan...none of it was a match for her sister. that when the time came it was would be WINTER who defaults to the absolute ideal of “no one gets left behind,” of “every life” meaning every life, priority one be damned.

or that Winter, in trying to choose both, in finally and fiercely trying, with surely enough power to make a difference, would fail.

what are you doing? Winter heard as she watched Weiss fall into nothingness. my life doesn’t matter.

so here, then, is the story of Winter in The Final Word: a girl returns home after having left it, but in this version it is the home who has changed and the girl who has not. and from this both are unmade. but she gets to live, because she was invited back home. and she gets to go through the portal as its last passenger, into the Promised Land.

and she is still the Maiden of Creation. even after all this, THAT is still her task. to build a refuge for her people, to collect the broken strands of the family she began and her siblings continued and expanded and reinforced, and gather them up again into a new home. it will be impossible, but at the same time: she has done this before.

and this time, she will wait for her sisters.

(a gift for what? for nothing, would be the answer. gifts aren’t FOR anything. they’re gifts.)

#typeoneninja #rwby #helen writes meta #VERY LONG OBSCENELY LONG META CANNOT EMPHASIZE HOW LONG #at least it didn't take me a whole month this time

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tomurasprincess · 4 years

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Fairy Ring (Kurogiri x Reader)

Summary: You enter the realm of Faerie despite every instinct telling you not to, in order to save the life of your sick sister. But you make a mistake far greater than you can even imagine when you catch the attention of a truly powerful, dangerous Fae. Pairing: Fae Kurogiri x Reader Rating: Explicit+ Warnings: Fantasy AU. Noncon, dubcon, aphrodisiac, drugging, manipulation, coercion, stalking, yandere. Word Count: 5.5k Note: My entry for the BNHarem Discord collab! The theme this time around was fantasy AU, and I stepped out of my usual characters by trying Kurogiri. The full masterlist can be found here, so make sure you check out the fics from all of Special Note: Thank you to @thewheezingwyvern for being my fae lore expert, I could not have done it without you. And also for talking me through 7AM induced sleep delirium.

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

This is a mistake, you know this. This is, in fact, one of the biggest mistakes you may ever make in your lifetime, assuming that you live past what you’re about to do. But you know that you have no choice. Your sister’s life depends on it. And for her, you would do anything.

And so with a deep breath, you step into the fairy circle. You feel a tugging at the core of your being before white hot agony lances through your bones. You think you scream, but you can’t be sure as you briefly lose consciousness.

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

It feels like hours before your eyes open again, but in all likelihood it was mere minutes. It doesn’t take long for you to realize that it worked.

You’re in the Realm of the Fae now.

There’s a sense of unreality, a haze that makes you feel like you’re dreaming. Everything seems too bright, colors that don’t seem like they should exist in the real world, and what looks to be a purple mist covering everything you can see.

You’re standing in an open clearing, right on the edge of a large forest. Behind you, there is a large lake that looks so inviting that you just know something is lurking below the surface, waiting to pull you under, never to be seen again.

The forest doesn’t look much better, trees so close together that it feels claustrophobic, making it very hard to see anything that would approach you. You have no idea what kinds of things might be lurking inside, but this might be your best bet to find the specific plant you need to cure your sister.

And then there is the swamp that you see in the distance. The mud looks thick and deep, as if it would suck you right down into it so that you can do nothing but wait to die. The fog is so dense that you doubt you’d be able to see much beyond the reach of your arm, and in the depths of it you see pretty, flashing lights.

Will-o'-the-wisps, spirits that deliberately lead travelers off the paths to their deaths. If you go into that swamp, you worry you’ll never leave, doomed to wander around without ever finding the path back out.

Before you can come to a decision of where to go, you hear a strange whooshing noise behind you. You turn around to see something totally unexpected. A purple opening rimmed with black around the edges appears in the air as someone steps out of it. A portal, you realize, and so this must be -

He’s a very tall, slender being wearing a well tailored and expensive looking suit. But where a human face and hands should be is a swirling purple mist instead, leaving you no idea of what he looks like underneath. He has piercing yellow eyes that seem to bore right into the very core of your being.

“Welcome, human. May I ask what brings you to Faerie? We have very few of your kind coming here, and even less who come willingly.” The Fae speaks in a perfectly polite tone, but you know that doesn’t mean you can let down your guard. Everything and everyone here needs to be treated as dangerous.

“Greetings,” you nod politely. “I am here for a certain plant that I need to find.”

“Hmm, I may be able to help you find such a plant. What’s your name, human?”

Ah, you think to yourself, the very first trap the Fae intend to set for you. You know what can happen when you give a Fae your true name, and you have no intention of falling for this one.

“You can call me the Seeker.”

The Fae’s eyes seem to glimmer with amusement. “Cautious, are you? Very well then. I am called Kurogiri.”

He parrots your phrasing back at you, which means that it’s not his true name either, and nothing you can use against him.

“If you don’t wish to deal with me, then by all means, continue.” He takes a simple step away before motioning to the forest. “Were you intending to go into the forest? I wouldn't do that if I were you.”

The fact that he is deliberately leading you into a certain direction makes you reconsider where you intended to go. He notices your hesitance and gives a soft laugh. “I am not leading you astray, human. The forest is treacherous, and that you can be sure of.”

You ponder your options for a brief moment, before deciding to listen. At least with the swamp, you know one of the dangers you’ll face right off the bat. With the forest, there is no way to tell what you’ll stumble across. “I believe I will take the swamp, actually.” You give him a respectful nod as you take a few steps away from him.

“Please, be my guest.” He motions you in the direction of the swamp. You keep him in your sights as you walk past, worried that he’ll attempt something when your back is turned. But he makes no move to follow or stop you, and so you turn your back to him completely as you take your first steps into the swamp.

It’s very slow going, as the muck is so deep that you have to stop to pull your shoes out every few steps. The will o'wisps are hovering around everywhere, looking like delicate, beautiful lights showing you the way out. It’s a deception that you don’t let yourself be lulled into, deliberately choosing the paths where it is darker. Your world narrows down to simply taking a few steps, clawing your way out of the mud, looking for the plant you need, taking a few more steps, over and over. But nothing ever seems to change, and you seem to be getting no deeper into the swamp.

Finally, you can move no further, and so you stop to catch your breath. You’re exhausted, sweaty, and covered in mud and brackish water. You find a nearby tree to lean against and close your eyes for several seconds, trying to take deep breaths in and deep breaths out to calm your racing heart.

But when you open your eyes again, the wisps have surrounded you completely. There is no clear path anymore, the entire swamp cast with brilliant purple light as they fly around the area. You try to think back to the way things looked before you took a break, but everything is hazy in your mind.

You’re lost, with no idea which path to take to get out of this swamp, or even go back the way you came. Picking a random direction sounds like a horrible idea, but standing here and doing nothing sounds even worse. So with a deep breath, you pick a path and start to follow it.

Everything seems fine at first, passing through terrain not as difficult to traverse, but it quickly becomes apparent that this was not the correct way when you hit a patch of deep, thick mud and begin to sink in. You let out a startled shout, trying to claw for purchase, something to stop your head from being pulled under. But there is nothing, no way to get yourself out. Just as only your head and raised arms are visible, you feel something grab your wrist and begin to yank.

The strength behind it is unbelievable, and you’re out within seconds and looking at the face of your rescuer. The Fae Kurogiri is very hard to read, but you think he seems to be laughing at you.

“You seem to have lost your way, little Seeker,” he muses as he raises his arms up. You’re surprised when you feel a solid pressure against your cheek, running down along your jawline to cup your face. “Why not simply give in and make a deal with me? I could tell you where this plant is, easily.”

“And what would your price be?” You stare into those yellow eyes, a challenging tone in your voice.

“That would depend on exactly what you’re willing to give up, now wouldn’t it? Let us leave this swamp and we can discuss price and terms.”

Alarm bells ring in your head at his words. There is something very off about this Fae, something telling you that making a deal with him would be to your detriment. Maybe it’s his overly polite tone that seems to hide darkness underneath. Maybe it’s the fact that he is still gripping your face, pulling you tightly against him in a possessive hold that makes you feel like he never wants to let you go.

He must see your refusal in your expression, because his grip against you tightens imperceptibly before finally releasing you and stepping away. He makes a motion behind you, and you turn to see a portal opening up, with a view of the clearing that you came from on the other side.

You make a move to go through the portal before realizing something. Your backpack that you have been carrying with you this entire time is gone. You glance around quickly in all directions until you see the very top part of it sink completely within the muck that almost did the same to you. All of your supplies were in there, including the most important thing of all.

Your food and water.

Kurogiri lets out a deep chuckle at your panic. “Ahh, I see you lost your supplies. I could help you with that, as well.”

Your eyes meet his yellow ones as you narrow them. “You saw my backpack sinking, didn’t you?”

His silence is answer enough, and you shake your head and turn towards the still open portal. You go through it with him close behind and find yourself exactly where you expected to. Right at the beginning.

Remembering his words about the forest, you glance over at the massive lake and the faint sign of land on the other side. Your instincts scream at you that there is something horrific lurking within the forest, but you also really don’t want to swim.

“Before you go, you may want to hydrate yourself. The lake’s water is poisonous for humans such as yourself to drink.”

He holds a water bottle out towards you, and you simply cross your arms. “You must believe I’m incredibly stupid if you think I intend to drink that.”

“You will not believe me, but I am simply trying to help you. I don’t want to see you injured or wanting for a single thing.”

You glance back down at the bottle of water. It really does look good, you think to yourself. And you realize now how very thirsty you are. Would it be so bad if you took the water? You snap yourself back to reality before you can reach for the bottle, taking several steps back. “That is a kind gesture, but I must decline.”

You’re at the water’s edge now, glancing over to the land you see on the other side. You know of too many dangers that can lurk within bodies of water, and you have all but decided to skip the lake altogether when you see it. A beautiful looking flower on the other side, That could be it, you think to yourself, and it doesn’t look too far to attempt the long way around.

You begin to walk around the shore’s edge, not getting very far before your curiosity gets the better of you. You glance back at the clearing to see if Kurogiri is there or not. But he’s already gone, like he was never standing there at all

You turn back and continue to follow alongside the shoreline, setting a slow but steady pace so as not to wear yourself out. You’re not out of shape by any means, but you still don’t want to push yourself overmuch. As you walk, you try not to discourage yourself by staring at the land you’re heading for.

With the sun beating down on you and sweat pouring from your face, you truly begin to regret the choice of not taking the water Kurogiri offered. It could really be of use right now, with your tongue feeling like sandpaper in your mouth. Even worse, you’re starting to feel dizzy, occasionally stumbling forward before regaining your balance at the last second. Things are still fine, you try to reassure yourself, but you realize the extent of the trouble you’re in when you glance to the other side of the lake. You must have been walking for what feels like hours, and it’s not a single bit closer.

You turn back towards the direction you came from, only to have a moment of horror when you realize that you don’t see it. To that side is nothing but open shoreline as far as you can see. How could the land behind you have disappeared completely? You finally lose your calm, beginning to panic as you start to run, hoping that you’ll reach your destination soon. You only succeed in wearing yourself out even further, forced to stop as you pant for breath.

But that’s when you see the flower from earlier, looking even closer than you thought. That’s it, you think to yourself in elation, that has to be the plant you’re looking for. It isn’t so much farther, you could easily make it. But as you begin to walk again, your head swims even more, going completely hazy. You sway on your feet, barely keeping yourself up. When you open them again, there’s a horse standing by the side of the water.

It wouldn’t be so bad, would it? To ride the horse, get the plant, and then get back to the clearing where you started? It would be so quick, so easy. And then all of this would be over, your sister would be cursed, everything would be fine -

You come to your senses seconds too late to stop yourself from grabbing the horse. Well, not a horse anymore, at least not really.

It’s a Kelpie. Travelers have always been told to avoid Kelpie near the water, so as not to be pulled down into the depths. And you just grabbed onto the back of one.

You try and pull your hand off the creature, but it’s too late. Your hand won’t budge and you have a moment to curse your stupidity before you’re dragged into the water. Despite your best efforts not to panic, you still do, accidentally taking gulps of water into your burning lungs as you jerk and kick in an attempt to get away.

You’re going to drown, you think to yourself as you thrash about in the water, you’re going to drown and there is nothing that you can do about it, all because of your own stupidity -

Just when you think you’re going to drown, everything stops. You’re suddenly laying on solid ground, choking and sputtering as you take gasping breaths. You lay there for a few long minutes, simply gathering your bearings before you glance up at your rescuer. You know who it’s going to be, and you are proven correct as you see Kurogiri’s towering form lowering down beside you. He pets the back of your head, as if you were a dog that needs comforted, and coos soothing words at you.

“You’re okay, my little seeker.” He made a clicking noise with his tongue. “You truly should have known better than to try and ride a Kelpie. I can protect you, you know. Just talk to me for a bit, and I’m sure we can make a mutually beneficial agreement.”

You fly up from the ground, wrenching yourself a bit away from him. “No agreement,” you shake your head. “You want something from me, and I can’t figure out what.”

Kurogiri gives a long sigh. “I tire of this game. Things will go so much better for you if you let me help youl. But don’t misunderstand me. You will make the deal, one way or the other. So you may as well give in to me now, my little human.”

His demeanor has become different than before, more impatient and more annoyed. All of the alarm bells in your head are ringing, and you find yourself running towards the forest before he can say anything else. You are instantly surrounded by thick foliage, and as you glance back into the clearing to see if you’re being followed, the Fae and the portal are both gone.

You push through little by little, making your way deeper into the forest. Occasionally you have to make your way backwards to find another way forward, as the way is blocked by trees or thick vegetation that doesn’t quite look right.

You hope the instinct that you’re being led a particular way is wrong. But you have learned to trust your instincts, especially when it comes to the Fae. So when you emerge suddenly into another open clearing with Sluagh flying around, you’re not overly surprised.

You are, however, terrified.

The Sluagh are well known for their sadism, said to be feared by even Death itself. They are skeletal looking, so thin that there is barely any meat on their bones. What skin they have is dangling and loose, and their legs end in talons with razor sharp claws. Their mouths smile at you, filled with rows and rows of vicious, sharp teeth.

And right now, every single one of them is staring at you like you’re a delicious meal, waiting to be devoured. You know it’s useless to run, as they will find you even more enticing if they are able to chase you down. So you simply stay stock still, waiting to see what the creatures do and desperately hoping that they’ll get bored of you and fly away. But of course, that’s not in the cards for you.

In unison, they let out a shriek that sounds like nails down a chalkboard, causing you to cover your ears in agony. At least five of them rush you at once, and you brace yourself for the pain. But it doesn’t come, as the creatures lock their talons into your clothes instead and begin to lift you into the air.

Fuck, you hiss to yourself, you knew this may be suicidal to go into Faerie. You have faced so many of Faerie’s challenges and only survived by the help of one of them, and you knew it must only be a matter of time before your luck ran out. But you had no idea it would end this way, to be lifted up and dashed on the hard ground below. You squeeze your eyes closed when you feel them let you go, and you brace for an impact that never comes. Instead, you hear the distinctive whooshing sound before and fall into the arms of Kurogiri.

“I did tell you not to go that way, didn’t I?” His voice has a dark amusement to it, and you realize instantly that he knew the Sluagh were there and didn’t think to warn you directly.

“Yes, you did. And your assistance is appreciated,” you say carefully, fully aware that this is yet another trap. You never tell one of the Fae thank you, as they can take that to mean any number of things you’re suddenly obligated to do for them.

“You are welcome, my little seeker,” he chuckles to himself, sounding every bit like he knows exactly what you’re doing. “Will you accept my deal now? I can help your sister if you would only allow me.”

You squirm a bit in his arms, fully hoping that he gets the hint and puts you down, but he squeezes down as if he never wants to let you go. The thought worries you, there is one thing that worries you even more.

He knows the plant is to cure your sister. And you never gave him that information.

“I - I will think about it, if you’ll kindly let me go - “

“Ah, of course.” He sets you down on your own feet, and you finally get a chance to look around. He teleported you back into the same clearing where you started from and keep managing to return to. “Now, about the deal -”

Before he can finish his sentence, you are running in the only direction that you have yet to try. It’s another smaller section of forest that you hadn’t considered because it looked impenetrable. But now you see a way to enter, and you flee there without glancing back. The trees there seem to suck you in, darkness enveloping you. You wonder if he’s still somehow watching you before shaking the idea from your head. That way lie madness, and right now you must run, must hide.

You don’t know how long you run, only that your legs almost like rubber, barely able to carry you anymore. Your breath comes out in gasping pants as your lungs struggle to take in more oxygen. And your head is spinning, most likely from your lack of food.

Just as you’re about to reach your limit, you spot a large, wrought iron gate and a large house beyond. You don’t have any time to consider the implications before you’re rushing through the gate, stopping only long enough to lock it before you reach for your last resort. You’re not sure why there’s an iron gate here, as iron is one of the things that the Fae are joined together in their hatred of. But right not, you don’t care as long as it can protect you.

Just as you suspected, Kurogiri portals to the location just outside of where you stand. But rather than be deterred by the iron, he lets out a loud chuckle as he continues to walk to the gate. Your eyes widen as he gets closer and closer, a sense of deep unease crawling up your spine.

The Fae hate iron, you tell yourself, he’s simply bluffing, he’s not going to be able to get past the gate. And then the lock simply drops away, as if it’s nothing. The gates slowly slide open as he walks through, and there seems to be a look of true admiration in his eyes.

“That was a very good try, my little human. But ultimately, you lose our game.”

It all clicks into place at once. “You - you’re a dullahan,” you whisper in fear. The dullahan are widely feared, and for good reason. They are harbingers of death, and it is said that when they stop, a mortal dies.

“Yes, I am. And now there is nowhere for you to run. Simply give in to me”

You realize you have one single card left to play, and if this doesn’t work, then you are done for. You reach into your back pocket where you stowed your ring before entering the swamp earlier. You hold it up to him to see, and smile when you see him recoil from the gold metal. You turn and begin running again while he’s distracted, only to run face first into a portal he opened back up.

When you fall out of this portal, you are no longer in Faerie. It looks like home, just as when you left it before. Nothing appears different, except for one big thing. Your sister is out of bed, looking like she’s never been sick a day in her life.

“Is that - sis, is that really you?” You whisper in shock at seeing your sister, healthy and happy before you.

Your sister gives you a warm smile as she holds her arms out for you, just like she always did when you were kids. You grin and run into them, giving her a tight hug that you don’t ever want to be let out of.

“I don’t understand, I didn’t actually make a deal.”

Your sister gives her characteristic shrug. “I don’t know either, I just know that I felt something really warm come over my body, and suddenly I felt better.”

It must be Kurogiri’s doing, you think to yourself. You have no idea what you did to earn this, or maybe it was just that he was impressed you beat him at his own game? Either way, you won’t take it for granted. “How long have I been gone?”

“Too long. I was so worried about you, I didn’t think you’d ever come back.” She pulls you into another hug, and you smile as you run your hand down the back of her head. The moment is ruined by the sound of your stomach growling, causing you both to laugh. “Bit hungry, there?” She teases you, and you simply grin.

“Yeah, I ran out of the supplies I took to Faerie and then I lost my whole backpack. I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve had anything, to be honest.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll get you something!” Your sister runs off the kitchen to grab you some food. “Um, I’m sorry that we don’t have much, but -”

“I know, you haven’t been able to go to the store without me. It’s okay!” You take the simple sandwich she offers you, wasting no time at all before you’re devouring it. You didn’t realize how truly hungry you were until right this second. And this is easily the most delicious thing you’ve ever tasted. You freeze, blood running cold as you hear an amused chuckle from beside you, where your sister was just standing. A decidedly male chuckle.

You look down at the mostly eaten sandwich as you begin to tremble, dawning horror hitting you like a freight train. Beside you, what you thought was your sister has turned into Kurogiri. What you thought was your home has turned into that same damnable clearing.

Despite your best efforts, you were tricked after all. You never truly left Faerie.

And you just ate fairy fruit.

He pulls your trembling body tightly into his as he runs a hand down the small of your back. “My little seeker, don’t feel too bad about this. You did a rather good job of avoiding my tricks. I had to resort to more extreme measures.”

A tear runs down your face as he strokes your body. Forcing you to eat fairy fruit means that you’re trapped here with him now, forever. Completely defeated, you numbly allow him to lead you through the newly open portal, taking you to the house with the large gates. The place where you believed you won this little game, only to realize that he was always one step ahead of you.

“But the gold -,” you whisper, “I had the gold, why didn’t that work?”

He laughs a bit as he kisses you. You’re surprised that he’s able to, but you assume he must have some form of human body underneath the mist. “Not all myths are true, little seeker.”

He takes you into the house, leading you down several corridors until you reach a bedroom. He leads you in, shutting the door behind him. You have only a second to worry before he’s on you. Lips run down your neck as hands come down to grip your ass. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you, how long I’ve planned this.”

He rips your clothes off easily, piece by piece, until you’re shivering and naked before him. He lays you down on the bed, sliding his tongue skillfully into your mouth and massaging yours with his own. His hands aren’t idle either, tracing up and down your body in featherlight touches that has you writhing.

Everything seems almost dreamy, and you feel very warm. Overly warm, in fact, and it only increases the more he touches you. Your body feels like it’s on fire, your head spinning. You wonder briefly what he did to you, if it was the faerie fruit you ate.

“What did you do to me,” you whine as you continue to squirm on the bed, fire raging through your veins. “I feel - god I feel so hot, make it stop.”

But when his tongue licks up your heated, dripping pussy, you realize that it really doesn’t matter what the answer to that question is. You throw your head back and moan as you try to grind down on his tongue, and you feel rather than hear his laughter as it sends pleasurable vibrations against your throbbing clit.

“Don’t you want me to make you feel good?” He slips two fingers inside of you, curling them upwards and grazing against a spot inside you that has you throwing your head back onto the pillow.

“Yes,” you whimper, sounding more needy than you ever have in your life, “please make me feel good.”

“Your name then, little human. I can’t very well pleasure someone whose name I do not know, wouldn’t you say?”

“But what about yours?”

“You give me yours first,” he sounds so imminently reasonable that you give him a blissed out smile as you nod your head. You make a come hither motion with your index finger and he leans in closer as you whisper your name in his ear, and he gives a contented laugh as he works his fingers inside of you again.

“You didn’t tell me yours,” you whine a bit in protest.

“Mmm, I am Kurogiri, remember?”

You do remember him saying that, but you also remember not believing that to be his true name. But that part seems less important than him working his fingers inside again, and you let out a small gasp as you clench down, only to be left feeling empty when he completely withdraws. You’re about to complain when you hear him unbuckling his belt.

“I would much rather feel you cum around this cock,” he whispers as he sinks into your aching pussy, filling you up completely when he bottoms out inside. You let out a deep groan at the stretch, and the burning sensation you’ve been feeling since you ate the fruit abates just a bit.

And then he begins to move, and desire flares back up inside you. It doesn’t take long for your muscles to tense up, toes curling as you squeal when your orgasm overtakes you. “So sensitive,” he whispers as he simply fucks you through it, groaning when he feels you clamp down around him. “And so needy for me. It makes me want to keep you like this all the time, my pet. Would you like that?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” you chant as you feel another orgasm building up, “Kurogiri, please keep fucking me, it feels so good.”

”My good little pet,” he grabs your hand and guides it to your throbbing clit. “Stroke that clit for me.”

You instantly obey, moaning loudly as you begin to rub tight circles on the swollen bead. You clench down around him as you cum again, liquid gushing out to soak the bed beneath you. His movements slow as he reaches his own end, filling you up with hot ropes of cum before instantly getting hard as he begins to fucki you again.

You lose all sense of time, only aware of the burning desire, and the twitching and thrusting of Kurogiri’s cock as he fills you up again and again. You can’t seem to stop cumming either, pushed beyond your limits and blissed out until finally all you can do is lay there and take it as he continues to ravage you.

Finally it’s over, and he collapses beside you as he pulls your back into his chest. “My precious little pet,” he whispers into the back of your neck. “I worked so hard to get you where you are now, into the realm of Fae where I could claim you.”

“And now you’re mine. Forever.”

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

Tags: @ichor-and-symbiosis, @thewheezingwyvern, @vixen-scribbles, @ttamaki, @lildreamer93, @kittygonyan, @bat-eclecticwolfbouquet-love, @daedaep69, @heyybrittannia, @groovydreamertrash, @hisoknen, @chou-maitresse, @shoutogepi, @togasknifes, @kingtamakimurder, @shigaraki-is-my-master, @kittycatkrissa, @dabilove27, @fae-father, @anxietyplusultra, @flutterfalla, @angmarwitch, @nereida19, @dabis-kitten, @bakugos-cumsock, @yumeneji, @reinawritesbnham @sawamooora, @yanderart

#kurogiri x reader #kurogiri smut #yandere kurogiri #mha x reader #mha smut #bnha x reader #bnha smut #yandere bnha #yandere mha #tw: noncon #tw: dubcon #tw: kidnapping #tw: aphrodisiac #tw: drugging #bnharem collab

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cellsshapedlikestars · 3 years

Note

Robot Jon! ☺️

(ok, I've been off tumblr for a few days, but I went on early this morning and had an ask with a bunch of prompts because I said I'd be taking a break from my Bachelor fic - which is true, if not for another 3 chapters yet. I haven't answered that ask because I'll lose it and therefore the prompts, but it reminded me that I still had two prompts left from when I asked for them back in... December? I'm the worst. Anyway, I re-looked at those prompts, saw this one, and then couldn't stop thinking about it. So I'm coming out of my vague tumblr hiatus to write this.)

Thank you, as always, for the prompt!

Sansa has never liked amusement parks.

The sun that always burned her, no matter how diligent mom was about reapplying sunscreen; the fried food that always made her sick; the crowds and the noise and having to walk everywhere. But the worst part was the rides – oh, she didn't mind some of them, like the Ferris wheel or the teacups; she could even handle the swing ride. The problem was that the rest of her family wanted to go on the horrible rides – roller coasters, haunted houses, swinging ships; the ones that go fast and drop you from a million feet in the air. And since it was hard enough wrangling the amount of children in their group to begin with, it was impossiblefor one adult to split off with Sansa, who alone wanted to ride the gentler ones.

And so, it's sort of ironic that she works at an amusement park now.

She may not have a taste for most of the rides in the park, but she is good at designing them – not the actual rides, but the aesthetics of them. It's her (and her team's) job to come in after the engineers and the builders and take a bare-bones ride and turn it into an experience. She loves her job – she loves watching children exit one of her rides with glowing faces and excitement in their eyes.

Today, she also gets to do one of her favorite aspects of the job, which is costume design. The animatronic models have already been installed, and when she enters the new Dance of Dragons ride, she can already see the scene taking shape in her mind. The concept art has already been drawn up, it's already being advertised – a medieval world that everyone knows is meant to capitalize on the stunning success of the Aemon the Dragonknight series (which her employer does not own the rights to, much to their dismay). But concept art is one thing – reality is another, and it's not until the ride is complete that she can start to truly see it come together in her mind.

“Oh good, you're here,” Margaery Tyrell sighs dramatically as she comes to meet Sansa's team. Margaery is in charge of Marketing and PR for this ride and Sansa knows it's a big responsibility, so she's been even more high maintenance than usual. Margaery walks her through the ride that Sansa has seen so many times in drawings.

“This is our Aemon,” Margaery slaps a hand against the shoulder of one of the animatronic models. “Although we can't call him Aemon. Copyright and all that.”

Sansa looks at the robot and she's struck for a moment how lifelike he is. A lot of the animatronics aren't this detailed, though she guesses this one is because of how close to the ride it is.

“He's handsome, right?” Margaery flashes her a grin and there's something in her eyes that Sansa can't quite place. (Well, she can, it's mischief, Sansa just can't tell why it's there.)

“I guess, in the way that cartoons can be handsome,” Sansa laughs and takes another look at the model – the somber grey eyes, dark curly hair, and an equally dark beard. “You even gave him abs,” she points down at the robot's chest which does, indeed, have a very detailed set of abs. “Am I supposed to leave him shirtless?”

“Oh, no, obviously we want realism, like we talked about,” Margaery waves her hand dismissively. “We just couldn't help ourselves when we put in the order.” Sansa shoots her a confused look, which only gets a delighted laugh out of Margaery. “I'm guessing you don't recognize him?”

“Recognize who?”

Margaery gestures at the animatronic. “Jon!” At Sansa's blank stare, Margaery rolls her eyes. “Jon Snow?”

The name sounds familiar and it takes her a second to place it. “The engineer?”

“Duh! Seven hells, don't tell me you've never actually seen him?”

Sansa shakes her head – she usually comes in well after the engineers have done their part.

“Mormont let him take the lead on this project and he's so... ugh,” Margaery makes a noise that's half frustration, half delight. “So serious all the time. But somehow likable? It's infuriating, really. And no one should be that attractive for a nerd.”

“So... does he know you made him into a robot?”

“He does not,” Margaery grins. “We're all just dying for him to come in for an inspection and see it. In fact,” she pulls out her phone and checks the time, “if you wait around for a bit, you'll get to see it happen.”

Sansa shakes her head and they continue on through the set, Sansa writing down notes in her trusty notebook that she always carries with her. Lists of costumes, set pieces. She'll need to bring in Asha later to discuss the lighting options (right now the dark ride is lit with spotlights, giving the whole place a surreal atmosphere).

Margaery eventually leaves her to it and Sansa loses herself in going over the set inch by inch with Gilly and Mya following along with her. She's so lost in thought that Mya has to shake her arm to bring her back to reality, and they turn to see a group of what has to be engineers standing in the main Great Hall set.

“Oh come on, Jon,” Margaery is giggling as a man who must be Jon stands, staring at the animatronic. He's scowling at it, hands tight around the pile of binders in his arms that are... well, ok, Sansa can understand now why Margaery made the robot so well muscled.

Sansa edges closer to the scene, and she can see that his fellow engineers are laughing – one of them is red-faced from trying to hold it in while another is actively wiping tears from his eyes.

“It's already made,” Margaery says in response to whatever Jon had grumbled to her. “Replacing it would be an irresponsible waste of funds. Oh! And here's the team that will be styling you... I mean, styling not-Aemon because that's copyright infringement.”

Jon looks up and the scowl drops from his face.

“This is Sansa, Mya and Gilly are over there.”

“Hi,” Sansa greets and Jon shifts his binders into one arm and then holds out his hand for her to shake (she can feel her face heating up and she hopes the dark hides it). “I promise to try and do you justice.” She regrets her words immediately, especially when she sees a slow grin spread over Margaery's face. “Though it doesn't totally look like you,” she continues on to try and backtrack. “It... doesn't have glasses?”

She wants to sink into the floor in embarrassment, but the gods are not that kind. At least she doesn't spout out how much she likes his glasses. Maybe Margaery is right – no one who clearly cares so little about their appearance should be this attractive. His beard needs a trim, his outfit is painfully unstylish, his hair is pulled back into a bun. All of it should add up to something she hates, but she just... doesn't.

(And honestly, Margaery's description of nerd isn't so far off the mark, but Sansa finds this isn't a detriment – in fact, she might be more attracted to him because of the glasses and the multitude of thick binders organized with labels and tabs that he's got tucked under his arm.)

“I'd also hope real Jon isn't built like a Ken doll,” one of the other engineers barks out a laugh and points at the animatronic, which, yes, does not have any reproductive anatomy.

“Gods,” she hears Jon whisper, and the hand that he had used to shake hers comes up and covers his eyes. “This is a nightmare.”

“Stop being so dramatic,” Margaery sighs and pats him on the shoulder. “Now, why don't you take Sansa around and make sure she's really taken care of, hmm?” At the words, Sansa feels her face heat even further and Jon drops his hand from his eyes and glares at Margaery. “I just mean,” Margaery grins, not even trying to pretend the innuendo wasn't on purpose, “it might help the design if she has a good understanding of the mechanics. I know there's some new things on this ride we haven't had before, you could show her.”

Jon opens his mouth, but doesn't get a chance to speak, because Margaery barrels on. “Sam, Grenn, you can chat with Gilly and Mya while that's happening. And I... well, I'll just be over here, minding my own business.”

With that, Margaery walks away and the other two engineers – Sam and Grenn, she guesses – head over to where the rest of her team stands, watching from afar.

“You don't have to,” Sansa starts, but Jon quickly turns from glaring at Margaery's back to her and his face settles into something less... scowly.

“I don't mind,” he says quickly and maybe it's the low lighting in here, but she thinks the tips of his ears are red.

“Perfect,” she gives him her best smile, which seems to throw him even more off balance and... and she thinks she could get used to throwing Jon Snow off balance.

#ask #jonsa #jonsa fic #prompt fic #i don't know how amusement park ride design works #just go with it #don't ask questions

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samdotdocx · 3 years

Text

A very long-winded essay about why I love Night in the Woods and The Ramayana makes me Big Mad ft. Lets Talk About Mental Illness™

So I was in this class called 'The Ecology of Language". Excellent class, 10/10 would recommend - and especially relevant in the Indian context in particular, but that's a topic for another day.

One of the things we talked about was the concept of 'relatibality' in media, which, I'm sure we can all agree is a large component of contemporary character or story-line development. Considering the context of modern readers, what that sometimes ends up looking like (in our society that is built on constantly being told we are lacking, and the subsequent need to satisfy manufactured desires), is some wonderfully nuanced characters in stories stories that are three-dimensional, well rounded, and well developed and written. It's pretty great. And sometimes, what that means is that we have excellent characters that don't conform to the standard 'protagonist' stereotype. They might not even be 'good' (this is NOT a villain-apologist post). In fact, they might be complete idiots. They might be the people in stories who make all the wrong choices.

One such relatable character is Mae, and it's because she's an unmitigated train-wreck.

Anyone who knows the game probably knows what I'm talking about when I say the illustration style and character designs are gorgeous. Anyone who's ever dissociated probably knows what I'm talking about when I say that illustration style and character design were excellently used to create the sort of subliminal, surreal state of Mae's mind. And as you play the game, you see how that state of mind plays with the other characters, and - spoiler - it isn't great.

This is the first of the relatable aspects of Mae’s character; there are people around her who love her and are worried about her, but at the same time, are angry and irritated about her behaviour. At what point does it become too much to ask of those around you to forgive all your continuous and repetitive mistakes? Even if you have a good reason for it, mental illness is not an excuse for being exploitative, even if it is unintentional. Mae is not trying to hurt the people around her, but she constantly needs emotional labour from them – it’s exhausting, and people’s patience is going to run out eventually, as is their right.

Another aspect of this behaviour is the lack of reciprocity, an example of this being when Bea’s mother died of cancer – and Mae didn’t even notice.

There are several instances of Mae’s thoughtless behaviour throughout the game; she gets completely wasted and makes a scene at the party, gets jealous of of Greg and Angus because they’re leaving the town without her, and ends up destroying the radiator Bea was supposed to fix, getting her in trouble.

The thing is though, that Mae is given the opportunity to fix her mistakes.

A large part of relatability is the want so see yourself in a character. Mae is relatable to me because there are several circumstances and events in our lives that match up, but more than that; the game is an interactive visualization of her healing process. Her nine steps, if you will. She is given a second chance – and that chance is hard won, particularly in the context of the game.

Mae talks about feeling like she’s falling behind, of knowing that she is, in a way, wasting an opportunity that was a privilege in the first place, especially considering her family’s financial situation – but at the same time, being literally unable to help herself. And the aspects of the gameplay that hint at the supernatural elements of the story possibly being a figment of Mae’s imagination – well. All us depressed losers know what it's like to not be able to trust your own judgement and point of view. She talks about why she dropped out of college, and her description of the dissociation, and the mental and emotional deadening that it causes is spot on and so well represented.

It underscores the point that the logical brain knows that mental illness is an illness like any other – but the emotional brain doesn’t care.

The game does a brilliant job of laying bare the realities of middle class life, and makes painfully clear the fact that, at that level, it doesn’t matter how difficult things are for you. The world isn’t going to wait for you to get back on your feet.

Mae’s mental state and the limitations it imposes on her cultivates a state of extreme frustration. Again, relatable. It’s an understated aspect of illness of any kind; the anger at yourself, and how that anger carries over into a lot of things in your day to day life. After a point, it becomes a habit. Mae does this too; she's belligerent, and instigative, and unrepentant of consequences, because anger blinds you.

It's not how things will always be. I have the privilege of hindsight, so I can say that with authority. But, this isn’t the kind of thing that ever fully leaves you, either. If you break a kneecap, it’s going to bother you for the rest of your life, and similarly, mental illness has a ‘no return, no refund’ policy. So you grow up, and you try to adapt those habits and impulses into a more positive context. Recycling, right? Maybe you set your sights on things that actually deserve your anger, and you go from there. You find people who, for their own reasons, perhaps or perhaps not related to your own, are angry.

And you don’t understand the people who are not.

A large part of the anger and frustration surrounding mental illness is due to the stigma surrounding it. It’s frustrating to be so powerless and dependent, but this is exacerbated by the attitude of ‘it can’t be that bad’, which makes it so difficult to reach out, to be able to say, ‘I need a break’ – and actually get one. This is an attitude that carries over to a lot of other issues as well, and the worst part is – we are surrounded by people who are okay with it, who believe in and support that mentality.

The myth of Sita, for example. She is a strong female figure in Indian mythology, who overcomes her circumstances to live a ‘good’ life, and for all intents and purposes, is a hell of a role model.

But that’s the thing; her life wasn’t good, was it? She was supposed be a goddess reincarnated, she should have been powerful, and respected, but instead she is reduced to ‘wife’ – and everyone today is fine with it.

I respect her immensely for the choices she made; marrying for love was her choice, going into exile with her husband was her choice. She was the paragon of virtue, of 'wifeliness', of kindness – she chose her husband over everyone and everything else, including herself, as was expected of her. But yet – she couldn't win his trust or respect. It should not even have needed to be won.

It’s commendable the way she takes it all in stride, but why did she? She was kidnapped and held captive for years, entirely against her will, and her husband's response to that is to force her to walk through fire to prove her ‘purity’ – and she does it. And she stays with him after, and I cannot understand the depths of her patience and forgiveness, because I would have been livid, and I want her to be so too. I’m furious for her, because Ram was not just her husband, he was also the king, and his later verdict to exile her, alone, while heavily pregnant, his readiness to condemn her based on speculation and public sentiment, was not just a verdict against her, it was against every woman in his kingdom who had ever been victimised.

Sita became a martyr to the modern feminist movement – if she could not be angry on her own behalf, we will do it for her. But at the same time, she is still relatable, because we are held to a slightly lesser degree of the same expectations. There are always going to be aspects of things that you relate to. ‘Big Mood’ culture is a strong indicator of the human ability to empathise, especially with characters that you like, or respect.

Sita’s world, I imagine, was run by the expectations her society and community had of her, and maybe she didn’t even have the liberty to be angry. Who is responsible for portraying her in passive acceptance of her fate? Is that representation reliable? Would the story have been different had it been written by a woman?

I can't remember a time when I was not angry, especially about things like this. I am always ready to fight, and I think the same goes for so many other people today, sometimes to our detriment. I cannot imagine a world where that was not at the very least an option. Not necessarily the best option, - but Sita’s world was very different to ours. Even with centuries between us, we’ve just gotten over angry and depressed women being labelled as ‘hysterical’ and subsequently being locked away. What is it like, to have to be calm and careful in response to being treated like this? This care in response may not be an overt requirement anymore – though the fact remains that society will not take you seriously if you become hysterical - but shouldn't you, at the very least, be able to rely on the support of other people in the same boat?

That is the main difference in these stories, and another main point of relatability to me; Mae, like myself, had a support system. Sita did not. Mae was selfish and demanding in so many ways, and required a lot of time and patience and healing before she was able to give back, but she got there eventually because she was able to put herself first. She fought for herself, and when she couldn’t, she had other people to fight for her. Night in the Woods represents the intersection of oppressed minorities and community with their portrayal of Mae, Greg, and Angus in particular, and the importance of community support – and, the difference between geographical community, and communities formed through camaraderie and actual unity. And so does the Ramayana - except, where was Sita’s community? Where were her sisters, or her parents, when she was abandoned in the woods, and later when she committed suicide? We are well aware, in the modern day, of the state of mind that causes people to kill themselves, and yet that is a part of the story that we never talk about. Where were her people then?

What would have happened if she had been more like Mae, and put herself first instead of bleeding herself dry for people who never respected her, and would never do the same for her?

People relate to personalities. They relate to choices, and circumstances, and habits, and it is neither a good nor a bad thing, to be relatable or not. Sita will be highly relatable to people who, like her, were governed by their circumstances, and were screwed over despite their best efforts. People who felt they couldn’t, or shouldn’t exercise their power and agency. Sita’s death was at odds with her strong personality, and so was her deference to her fate on many occasions, but there are a lot of people out there who will relate to the feeling of simply wanting things to be over. Mae on the other hand; she’s a steamroller, and she doesn’t stop. There’s a reason her character is a cat, and jokingly referred to as feral in the game. She is persistent, she is growing.

[1] In Defence of Kaikeyi and Draupadi: a Note – by Fritz Blackwellhttps://www.jstor.org/stable/23334398?read-now=1&seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents [2] https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/10/emergency-room-wait-times-sexism/410515/

#ramayana discourse #night in the woods #sita #tw suicice #tw mental illness #mae borowski #spam-by-sam

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utterlyinevitable · 3 years

Text

The Conference (Part 9)

Paring: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Rebecca Lao) Word Count: 3.7k Rating: T+ Warning: Some cursing Summary: It’s the evening after the keynote and they go out for a civil dinner date.

A/N: shout out to ruby @starrystarrytrouble for reminding me people actually like reading this mess 💕

________________________________________

After we finished up the panel I stuck around the conference hall to network whilst Ethan had ditched the crowd at the first opportunity he got, heading back to our hotel room and venturing away from the pecking vultures. To be honest, I didn’t really blame him. Everyone wanted a piece of the poor, well-endowed man.

A couple hours later, I shuffled back into our apartment. My aching feet somehow prevailed without causing me to collapse on the odd geometric carpet floor, or ditching my heels along the way and walking barefoot like some uncultured frosh stumbling home at 3AM. Once through the heavy metal plated door, I headed straight to my room, not throwing a single pleasantry towards Ethan in the seating area. From what I could tell he was typing furiously on his laptop after nursing a scotch - the empty crystal tumbler on the table was a dead giveaway.

The anxiety and delirium inducing stress of the day lifted the second my kinda-sweaty body collapsed onto the private armchair in my room, clutching its aqua-colored arms and sinking into the velvet cushion. Staring out at the familiar skyline my mind started to replay the happenings of the day; every little thing that happened - from the confidence I felt during our speech, to the way that asshole called me out, and how Ethan stood up for me every step of the way. How proud he was even if he relayed the sentiment in such small words.

We survived today. We haven’t strangled each other nor suffered any little deaths. All that’s left for this trip is the tour we have tomorrow morning, and then we’ll be on our way back to Edenbrook. Back to the way things were…

Somehow my tired and self destructive brain decided it wanted to revel in the memories of the last few days. Thinking about all the non-work things that happened this trip. Thinking of all the words shared, and the blast from the past. And the revelation that little adventure birthed.

Fuck me...

Things are weird. Like, so weird. I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m even thinking this… but I miss him. Today showed me how great we are together! Professionally and as friends. We’re the dynamic duo: Ramsey and his Rookie. His. I -

I need to stop thinking that.

I belong to myself. I do what I want when I want and with whom I want.

And so does he. And that’s why I walked away. I’m-

I’m still getting over him.

While simultaneously trying to get under him…

Thoughts wandered back to Ryan and how long it took me to get over the detrimental ‘what if’s of him. If I held on tighter and longer and didn’t get in the way of myself back then - if one thing was different - everything could be different.

A small, revelatory gasp escaped me.

I didn’t want things to be different.

After eight fucking years I finally understood.

If I didn’t love and lose Ryan I never would have found my way to Boston. To Ethan. And here - knowing what I do and having all the experiences of the last few months - I couldn’t continue a life without knowing Ethan Ramsey.

I’m going to do whatever I can to repair our friendship.

I changed my clothes into something not requiring heels - black skinny jeans, a blouse and my trusty Chelsea boots - and my hair pulled back into a bun. Simple, sleek, and completely me. No pomp and circumstance, or hiding behind anything. Just me, making an effort.

With all the determination I could muster I sauntered into the living room where I assumed Ethan would still be.

I was right; he hadn’t changed positions at all. Sitting there on the couch, his feet up on the gaudy footstool with his laptop perched on his lap, tortoise-patterned glasses framing his face, and furiously typing on the keyboard.

“So...” I trailed awkwardly to break the tension surrounding him, leaning against the wall with my hands stuffed in my armpits. “What do you want to do for dinner?”

“Oh,” He planted his feet on the floor and turned to face me fully, moving his laptop off of him and folding his arms in his lap. “Uh, well-”

Quickly I added, “If you’d rather eat alone it’s fine by me. I was thinking of grabbing pizza at John’s.”

Ethan nodded in response, saying, “Sounds good.”

“Cool,” I nodded back. “You ready or…?”

“Let me grab my things,” he stood, collected his things and headed to his room.

Less than two minutes later we headed out of the apartment together, walking side by side. Though this time wasn’t like earlier. There wasn’t the blind determination and need to impress like this morning. Right now we were two people who used to know one another going out to dinner in a spectacular converted synagogue.

***

For anyone who doesn’t know John’s, it’s a local family-style pizza joint. There’s three restaurants around the city and the Times Square location is by far the best. Every time I have a hot minute to spare I try to go - the stained glass and craftsmanship of the building is everything! But you don’t want to hear about that… and neither did Ethan when I tried to fill the silence during our walk with all the reasons to love this place. For some reason he preferred to barge and weave in silence.

Whatever.

Lucky enough he was more chatty once we were seated.

Our table was in the mezzanine with not much of a view besides the stone staircase in the corner and the large dome towering above. The dim lighting complimented the deep wooden table and beige upholstered seating.

We ordered. And without the menu to keep our attention, I tried my hand at conversation once more.

“Be honest, how did we do?”

Looking me in the eyes, ones that mirrored mine, showed such confidence and pride as he said his next words;

“You handled it well, Becca.” There was a tug at the corners of his mouth that pulled at my own. I was about to get a rare Ramsey smile - one I’ve been devoid of for far too long.

“Dare I even say, like a natural.”

I got to revel in the small compliment for a few moments as the server brought over our food - garlic knots, small veggie pizza, and a chef’s side salad.

“I didn’t stutter too much or come off too young?” I couldn’t help but ask when it was just us two again. His opinion matters more than anyone else’s when it comes to my career.

“You did.”

“But you -”

He cut me off, a slight shake of his big head, “You are young and this was your first keynote.” he clarified. And once more he said pridefully, “You did well.”

After what felt like ages we shared a private smile. How he was able to bring me back into myself with a few words and stop fussing over imposter syndrome is a wonder.

“Now eat some pizza and be happy.”

My smile grew to a goofy one by the way he was looking at me, bemused. I refrained from sticking my tongue out and dug into a little slice of heaven. “Don’t have to tell me twice.”

We dug in. Letting the flavors dance over my taste buds and make me only as happy as a New York slice could make me. No amount of fantastic sex could compare to pizza. Everything kind of disappeared - time stopped while the first bites settled in my tummy. Even Ethan looked to be enjoying it even though it’s not fancy smancy and artery clogging.

Eventually I broke our companioned silence;

“How was lunch with Chief Fredericks?” I asked as I reached for a scrumptious ball of garlicy dough.

The response left his lips so swiftly he didn’t even bother to look up from his plate;

“Informative.”

I scoffed at the non-answer answer.

My little grumble pulled him out of his bubble and he looked over at me - those damn baby blues challenging my thoughtfully indecent outburst. I just gave him a look right back.

Ethan rolled his eyes and reached for another slice. Cutting it up with a fork and knife like an absolute weirdo.

“He heard about the state budget cuts. Wanted to know what I think and if I’d be open to consult every so often.”

“And?” I probed.

“And what? You know how I feel about the future of Edenbrook.”

“Yes. But if it goes under, what do you think you’ll do? I mean, everyone’s going to be throwing themselves at you.”

I shoved some greenery in my gob to keep from adding the jarring truth.

Everyone throws themselves at you.

But who he gives his attention to is another story.

Ethan shrugged ever so nonchalantly, “I haven’t thought about it.”

The cavalier way he was speaking of his life after Edenbrook had thrown me off. Ethan was never this laid-back. It just wasn’t in his nature. There’s always something for this man to stress over. And Edenbrook’s closing should be his anxiety numero uno.

But here he was, ever so calm.

Hmm...

“Are you in denial?” I said through a bite, fully anticipating another non-answer.

“Maybe.”

The way he said it took me aback. It was inherently honest and soft. All of his jagged features were rounded and there was a dulled little twinkle in his eye.

Yeah, something’s going on here he’s not telling me.

“Ethan -”

And of course he deflects by turning the conversation on me; “What are you going to do?”

Keeping from rolling my eyes at his obvious deflection from roaming into his feelings deeper, I replied, “Transfer my residency.”

“Where?”

“I…” - dammit - “don’t know.”

I haven’t really dwelled on what happens when the hospital closes. Obviously I need to finish residency if I want to be an actual practicing doctor. But the matching process can go screw itself. I don’t never ever want to do that again - all I cared about was matching with the best. And I did. So who’s the second best now?

Is it wherever he goes?

There’s just so much to think about, and I’d really rather not. Not until the last few nails are lined up against the coffin.

“See,” he said with a hint of a lopsided grin, “Neither of us are ready to leave Edenbrook behind.”

He was right. Of course he’s right. You didn’t need to be a diagnostician or even a doctor to see that we’re holding out hope of a buyout.

I’ve just gotten to Edenbrook - only a few months into my dream career with my dream boss - and now, what? It’s all over before it even really began? No. I can’t accept that.

There was a beat of silence as we both reached for the salad tongs, our hands brushing on accident. Both our eyes shot to bear witness to the contact, pulling us out of whatever ran wild through our thoughts and into this new, secluded moment. Everything around us dulled in the distance; the sounds swirling in the air muted and like a faint breeze. The warm lighting dimmed further, yet there was a spotlight on the salad bowl. The greens and reds and purples of the ruffage illuminated like it was the only thing that mattered. Like right now the earth was spinning just for this moment of closeness.

Surprisingly, neither of us made a motion to move. His large hand overlapping my dainty fingers, the metal underneath the pads of my fingers warming up instantly. Electricity still coursed through me like the very first time. Except now it carried the memories of all the other times and places he set me aflame.

I had to be the one to pull back.

Almost, like it needed time to comprehend why the moment was intentionally ruined, the atmosphere around us began to revert back slightly. I could hear the idle chatter of those around us now. I could see the full picture of Ethan sitting across from me and all the individuals pattering around behind him. What couldn’t pretend to go back and hung off kilter was the beating in my chest - I could feel the electricity coursing through my veins and putting my heart through the ringer.

Ethan made up for it by serving me.

Does he know he still has such an effect on me?

Quick! I needed to divert my thoughts off of the creeping flush and want from taking hold. So I went back to talking about work, our safe topic.

“If you could work anywhere else in the world where would it be?” I asked.

Ethan took a moment to think as he served himself some salad. He looked like he was actually thinking of an answer, maybe, for the first time he’s digested the hospital’s fate.

“I think the next logical step would be the Mayo Clinic. They’re the best diagnostics in the world.” His eyes diverted back down to his plate and, after a beat, he added, “I also wouldn’t mind spending more time on missions with The WHO.”

My eyes searched his as they looked anywhere but where I was seated across from him, trying to find any sort of fault in his features. Something, anything, that I could hold onto. Nothing. Just stupid sincerity. The first fucking time in weeks he actually lets us talk about his time in the Amazon I can’t be mad at him.

“You really enjoyed your time there, huh?”

“It…” he hesitated, choosing his words carefully.

We’ve wandered into emotional territory and we both needed to tread carefully. I need to remember that he was never mine, as much as I felt like his from our first kiss. Need to recall that back then everything was drawn out in plain sight. Our end was always just that - an end. I Need to forgive. And try to remember that at one point he did try to fight for me, in his round-a-bout noncommittal way, and I was the one to end things officially.

We both need to forgive. Especially if these are the last few months we have working together.

“Was important work and I got to make a difference in the lives of thousands of indigenous people.” Ethan took another small pause for breath. When he continued, his deep baritone voice was lower, “Even if my intentions for going were skewed, it was an opportunity of a lifetime.”

The simplest thing to do would be to nod, or eat - distract myself - or even change the subject. To try not to dwell on the implications of the statement. But I couldn’t. My body tensed and the warmth from moments before fled completely.

We were silent. The brutal truth of why he left stinging just as much as it did the day I found out.

Minutes, many many minutes passed with me finding solace in sweet savory carbs and Ethan pushing things around on his plate.

Eager to change the subject there was one other topic of the day I was endlessly curious to know more about;

“So, what’s the deal with Dr. Schwab?”

“Don’t.” He dismissed, his authoritative voice seeping through just a tad. Though I’d like to think he’s smart enough not to use it with me outside of Edenbrook.

“If you don’t tell me I’ll be forced to fabricate my own. I’m feeling a one-night stand gone wrong.”

He looked back down at his food.

“Oh my god, I’m right.” The smile that erupted literally took over my entire face. I could not hide it even if I tried.

“Rebecca,” he tried to scold.

“Now you have to tell me.”

Just like earlier he turned the conversation back on me; “What’s with the frat boy?”

“Ryan was never in a fraternity,” I responded, not hiding the grin that formed by putting Ethan in his place. “He’s a jock though.”

He expelled a dry laugh, “I don’t think that’s any better.” He took a bite of his salad. Something radiated off of Ethan I couldn’t quite place.

“We were close in high school,” I added for reasons I’m not quite sure why. Like that explained who Ryan was and why he came back into my life now, of all times.

Ethan made a condescending, “mhm”.

I rolled my eyes; “We had a thing for a while, okay.” I conceded. “We grew apart senior year, and then I went off to college. Last night was the first time we’ve spoken in, like, eight years.”

Ethan made absolutely no reactions to the statement. Not even a stupid wiggle of his dumb perfect eyebrow.

Is he even paying attention?

“Now tell me about Schwab - sorry, Hilary,” I coaxed.

Ethan’s hand flew to the bridge of his nose and up to carefully rub his eyes.

This has gotta be good.

I waited patiently and eagerly for this story. She couldn’t have been Ethan’s type and yet… What happened!?

Eyes still shut tight, he grumbled, “What’s there to tell?”

“Obviously something happened,” I couldn’t help but mock, “You slept together!”

“Yes, and it’s something I do not like to dwell on.”

“Sorry, buddy, but it looks like she does.”

He groaned. Then shifted in his chair. Ethan took a long drag of his drink. And just when I figured he was going to wait this out until one of us changed the subject, he spoke;

“A moment of weakness a few years back. And she was…”

Ah! It’s actually happening! Ethan’s telling a salacious story!

Shifting in my seat and placing my head in my hands to give him my full attention; My brows and smile grew as I finished the sentence for him, “Eager?”

He scowled.

“Jesus Christ, Ethan, just tell me what happened!”

“I will not go into details.”

“Fine.” I made a motion with my hand for him to continue without the juicy details.

“Harper and I had just ended things for good not long before…”

We ended up going back and forth for a while - Ethan not wanting to give anything up and me pulling as much as I could out of him. Long story short, Ethan was in a weird mental state after breaking up with Harper for the hundredth and final time in their six year relationship. He took up a conference opportunity to get away for two nights. Knowing how much he loves people, Ethan spent most of his time drowning his senses at the hotel bar. And low and behold, enter Hillary.

From the sounds of it she was agreeable and very very forward. And Ethan was so lost in liquor that her voice didn’t irritate him as much as it did the next morning, and every single time they were in close proximity thereafter. Hillary had been going through a separation with her husband and needed a distraction just as bad. Really, who could blame her? Toting Ethan around would be the best revenge.

The first night of his stay was fine - apparently the sex was satisfactory and she didn’t do anything remarkably memorable. Or so he says. I still think she looks like a squawker. He didn’t linger around long after before retreating to his hotel room. Then the next afternoon he was bored and weak and agreed to lunch. And lunch turned into drinks which turned into round two. In his room. And she didn’t leave. She wasn’t leaving. So Ethan bought an earlier plane ticket, and shook her awake before checking out.

And every conference since she seems to want to entertain a rematch.

“Oh my god, you’re horrible!” I exclaimed ever delightfully. This was hilarious!

“I shouldn’t really be surprised. You flew to another continent after we slept together.” Shaking my head, a stupid little smirk on my lips I asked, “Have you ever had a one night stand before?”

“Wha - of course I have!”

“One’s that didn’t end up with you getting on a plane?”

He leaned back and folded his arms across his chest. “If you must know, I’ve had my fair share in undergrad.”

Now it was my turn to send a condescending “mhm” his way.

We spoke longer and polished off our plates - not a single crumb remained. This was nice. Really nice getting to be close to him again and just being friends. Telling stories and exchanging playful jabs here and there. It’s how I fell for the idiot in the first place.

Baby steps.

Two hours after we arrived the server came over with the bill.

She was friendly and lovely the whole meal. The best part about her style of service is that she let us just exist and didn’t check up all that often. When she did I could tell she overheard someone of the crap Ethan and I were spewing. She had one of those knowing smiles, like she was in on our jokes the entire time.

“Can I just say, you guys are adorable,” she relayed with the brightest of smiles after setting the padfolio on the table, her hands clapping together excitedly. She looked like a child who had just met Santa Claus for the first time.

L O L she thinks we’re together.

At that I actually laughed out loud before informing, “We’re colleagues. In town for a conference.”

The horror on the girl's face said it all.

“Oh! My mistake, sorry. I can split the bill for you.” She reached for the pad where it sat in front of Ethan.

He grabbed the black leather at the same time I spoke;

"Nope, dinner’s on him.” I cupped a hand over my mouth and pointed a not-at-all discreet thumb towards him, “He'll get reimbursed," I laughed more to myself than anything.

She smiles, a little relieved by my warmth, then turns to look at Ethan - silently asking permission or if it’s okay that he pays. Generally looking for some sort of direction from the old man.

He shoots the server a look. Then forks over his credit card.

As she saunters off, I smile at him sweetly, “Thank you.”

Of course he rolls his eyes. But that rise in the corners of his mouth says so much more.

________________________________________

A/N: sorry it’s shit. thank you for sticking with this series 💕 we’ve just got one chapter left!

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kanmom51 · 3 years

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Ok, this might be a bit controversial but even though I side eye many "jeonlous" moments on yt or other media because they literally just zoom in on jk's impassive face, I have seen some that seem legit. I think there is some truth behind it all, meaning that it is possible that jk is a bit possessive, especially when it comes to minimoni or even Taemin for some reason. I mean, he has said he had trouble sharing and it is not difficult to imagine this would also apply to his relationships.

This is not to say that he thinks Namjoon or any of the other members are a threat to his relationship with Jimin because that would be ridiculous. It's just that maybe sometimes he doesn't like some of their skinship (for whatever reasons we don't know) and the rest of bts is probably aware of it. I mean, that clip you reblogged where Jimin sneakily looks at jk and then proceeds to touch namjoon's thigh doesn't have many other explanations. He probably knew what he was doing 😂 There is also that part of their live post billboard 2017 where something was going on with jikook and namjoon.

Actually, I think this is true for both jk and jm, even if it is less obvious/frequent. Maybe I'm crazy but I got the same kind of vibe from Jimin in the black swan mv behind when jk was hanging off of tae.

I don't mean to imply they are toxic or anything but they are young adults and while some telenovela like narratives going around are just insane, i don't think it is fair to assume that their relationship is perfect and that they don't do things that annoy each other or that they don't have behaviors that aren't exactly ideal or 100% healthy. Especially because problems are bound to rise if they are a couple but constantly have to act as if they weren't because their relationship is not public.

I know you are really open minded so I would love to read your thoughts on this 💜

Where do I start here?

Controversial is good. I like me a good controversy once in a while, as long a it’s not offensive. It makes for good discussion.

No, I do not believe and definitely don’t like the Jeonolous narrative out there. It makes for fun YT content, but it’s toxic and paints JK as this possessive ass, which I don’t think he is.

I have addressed this in the past, and said that I don’t believe in this narrative, but on the other hand I do see JK and JM as human beings, and as such, not perfect and prone to natural human behaviour and reactions.

Even those who are not prone to jealousy, that are in the best of relationships, can get jealous once in a while.

Another thing we need to remember is that what we spot as jealous can be something other than the obvious possessive jealousy we automatically tend to associate that word with. It could be something like annoyance or discomfort in a situation.

The dictionary definition of ‘jealous’ is:

feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages.

feeling or showing a resentful suspicion that one's partner is attracted to or involved with someone else.

fiercely protective of one's rights or possessions.

As you can see, what we call as jealousy can contain within it several meanings. There is possessive jealousy. There is jealous of one other’s advantage, such as their connection with someone else. There is jealous not of the connection with the other, but the ability to showcase that connection (being able to be free with the other, while you have to hide your own connection), and there is what I call the classic jealousy, when there is a suspicion your partner is attracted to someone else.

With all those there is also a spectrum of levels of jealousy, from low level jealousy to toxic jealousy.

JM & JK’s relationship doesn’t live in a vacuum. If we believe they are in a loving gay relationship, well they are living that relationship while being K-pop idols in SK, a highly traditional society. They are in an environment you are not supposed to have a romantic relationship, let alone an unthinkable ‘gay’ relationship. So, showcasing such a relationship, for them, is problematic, and could be dangerous, to their careers and even their own personal safety. It can be detrimental not only to themselves, but to the band and all the members. So, as a whole, they have to hide it. And that in itself can also be a point of friction.

Another thing to point out is that jealousy can also be a facet of insecurity, in yourself and/or in your relationship. The stronger the relationship, the more secure you are in your connection, the less jealous you will be. I think that this is something to take into consideration when we look at JM & JK, especially in the early years.

Also, not every time that JK pokes his cheeks with his tongue does it mean he’s jealous or angry. Not every behaviour should be interpreted as jealously.

Saying all that, I have seen several occasions that stood out to me, and I find hard to explain.

The 4th July 2015 fan meeting incident is one of them. The way JK reacted to RM taking a hold of JM was not only jealous behaviour but it was such an extreme reaction and effected JK’s behaviour with the fans as well, which was really unprofessional, and uncharacteristic.

Same vibe but not as extreme was JK during BTS Bomb after KBS music bank 1st place 9 May 2015. moody JK when he’s eyeing Jimin interacting with Hobi and Jin, also the way JK averts his eyes when Jimin looks his way. He’s not happy. Mood changes when Jimin pays him attention pulling him by his shirt.

Both of these were, at least as far as I am concerned, before JM & JK’s relationship progressed into something ‘more’. This could be a kind of ‘I want that’ or ‘why are you giving him attention and not me’ jealousy. Whatever it was, it was a clear reaction to JM’s interactions with another member of the band.

Another one I think about was 3rd April 2017 – BTS Front row live entertainment interview.

This one intrigues me. I watched and re-watched the full interview several times, and for the life of me I can’t see what happened there between JM and Hobi that triggered JK’s reaction? JM’s placating look at JK, like telling him nothing happened… this one is used a lot to create the JK jealous narrative, and to be honest, I really don’t know what happened there. When JK turns back, JM looks into the camera with an uneasy gaze. Something was going on there, no idea what it was. Was it jealousy? Was it something else between them? Idk, but it was a curious moment.

The issues JK has with Taemin. We do know that something happened between JK & JM the night JM performed with Taemin (if it had to do with Taemin we don’t know).

We have also seen JK’s reactions to Taemin & Jimin together. I do think there is a dislike there, it can stem from jealousy, but it can also stem from simple dislike of the man. We have no way of knowing. It’s kind of who came first, the chicken or the egg.

The clip I reblogged, and that you mentioned anon, is something else to me. Yes, JK’s reaction is of uneasiness, even anger, but the feel I get here is that this is a JM kind of teaching moment, and JK reacting to that. It feels like JM wants to teach him a lesson for some reason, and JK crossing his arms and look at JM kind of radiates anger more than jealousy to me. The way JM stretches out his hands, the look on his face before he puts his hands on RM’s thigh, the way he looks back before and after to make sure JK is looking. He was there to teach him a lesson. That was my impression. We have no idea what happened before or after. We have no idea why JM decided to do this, but JK’s reaction to me was more pissed off than jealous. That’s the vibe I got.

I have seen JM reacting in a manor that looks like jealousy on occasions. The one I can think about is the Vlive where JK is sitting in front of Tae, JM on the other side of the table, and Tae is using JK as his play thing. The way JM looks at them, the way he storms out the second the live ends, the way Tae pipes up immediately, looking like he’s off to follow JM. They all paint a jealous or angry reaction.

JM was clearly bothered but I don’t think of this as JM being jealous of Tae & JK. I think the bond between those three is strong enough. Again, this was one of those questionable moments.

Bottom line –

JK & JM are human beings, and as such exhibit normal human behaviour.

Jealousy can be considered as a normal human behaviour, and can also be seen in healthy relationships, as long as it doesn’t become toxic, obsessive, overbearing or controlling. I will even go so far as to say that there are those who thrive on jealousy. Jealousy is a way for them to feel their partner loves them, a way to get reinforcement that they are wanted/loved. Again, this is something that can turn toxic, but not always.

Jealousy has different facets. You can be jealous of someone, jealous for someone.

Do JK or JM sometimes show jealous behaviour. Seemingly they do once in a while.

Does that make one or either of them jealous monsters? Does that make their relationship possessive or toxic?

By no means what so ever!!!!!

It’s natural, it’s human, they are human. Their relationship has ups and downs. It holds a beautiful bond filled with love and care, but also may hold insecurities and arguments and everything a normal relationship between two human beings will hold.

We just need to give them a break.

It’s ok to ‘analyze’ behaviours, but it’s not ok to demonize either one of them. See the behaviour, talk about it, but also remember we only see part of the picture, the edited version of what is going on between the two.

And first and utmost remember they are human beings, just like the rest of us. Don’t hold them up to ridiculous standards because they are ‘idols’.

#ask #anon #Jungkook #Jimin #JM #JK #Jikook #stop the Jeonolous narrative #Don't hold JK & JM up to ridiculous standards #JK & JM are only human #Stop demonizing JM & JK

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magnoliapip · 3 years

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Potential Open Heart Love Interests Who Were Wasted

By now, we all understand that Pixelberry has wasted every single fragment of potential that the Open Heart series had. Frequently overshadowed by aimless plotlines and unbalanced attention toward the four love interests we had is the vast array of potential love interests the OH series could have had. This list is the top 10 (yes, 10) love interests PB wasted. This means that this list will not be discussing the wasted potential in the four love interests we were handed (Bryce, Jackie, Rafael and Ethan).

Please note that some of these (especially toward the bottom) are included more for fan service than for actual wasted potential. Also, these are all my own opinions. Please feel free to share your own! There may be spoilers below. Viewer discretion is advised!

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#10 -- Baz Mirani

Not introduced until Book 2 of the Open Heart series, Baz is the friendlier and more outgoing of the two Doctors Mirani. One of the top in his field of immunology, Baz manages to balance his intellect with an easygoing nature. A relaxed positivity that almost comes off as too much. He was never really around enough, nor did he have the right interactions with MC in the series to feel like a fully developed love interest. However, after having the options in another PB book Laws of Attraction, it might have been interesting to see how it would turn out if MC could hook up with Baz.

#9 -- June Hirata

Also not introduced until Book 2, Dr. Hirata is a ruthless force to be reckoned with. A cunning behavior psychologist and brilliant neurologist, one can never really know what to expect from June, though this is mostly because no one can tell if her actions are genuine. After MC is told how June “earned” her place on the diagnostics team, it becomes clear that she will stop at nothing to get what she wants. Honestly, the prospect of having that directed toward MC...yeah, I want it. Badly. The only reason she isn’t higher on the list is because of her social inconsistency..

#8 -- Zaid Mirani

One of two senior residents introduced to the MC in book 1, Zaid is partly responsible for managing the interns. Zaid is the more blunt of the Mirani twins and can come off as an ass. He’s also shown to have a softer side that comes out in increasing increments throughout the series culminating in a touching moment in book 3. Once more, Zaid isn’t someone the MC interacts with a whole lot throughout the books, acting more as a recurring character to pop up once or twice a book, but I think that is a crock. I wanted more Zaid and I’m sorry we didn’t get it.

#7 -- Elijah Greene

A fellow intern at Edenbrook Hospital, MC meets Elijah in book 1 along with the rest of their group of friends. Elijah quickly becomes a steadfast friend and even a roommate. Clearly a brilliant doctor with a future in research, Elijah balances this with his upbeat personality and love of science fiction and gaming. Characters like Elijah often get relegated to the realm of being a best friend and it might have been nice to see him opened up as a possible love interest. He’s fiercely loyal, as seen by his defense in book 2 at the baseball game, and is steadfastly determined to get where he wants to be. There’s a lot to be admired in Elijah, but considering PB dropped his canon love interest, Phoebe, I shouldn’t be surprised that he was never an option anyway.

#6 -- Sienna Trinh

Sienna is literally the best.

I should just end it there because anyone who has read the series knows, but for the sake of this list…Sienna is an ally of MC’s right from the moment they meet, when Sienna helps get MC out of a sticky situation. This perfectly encompasses Sienna’s character. She spends the entire series taking care of everyone but herself and being just the sweetest, kindest, most amazing baker and chinchilla mommy that exists. After what happens in book 1 and book 2 with both of her canon love interests, well, #Siennadeservesbetter. And I think her fellow dolphin would have been the perfect person for her.

The only reason she is so far down on the list is because she does make such an incredible best friend.

#5 -- Harper Emery

The female older mentor to match Ethan. Harper would have been in a more compromised position, not just being a direct superior to MC like Ethan, but also being the Chief of Medicine for the hospital. As an admin, watching her toe the line between desire and propriety would have been just *chef’s kiss*. Instead, her role was consigned to being the family member too hard on their younger charge, projecting what she wants but can’t have onto Aurora. Now that I think about it, that last sentence makes me want it even more.

Besides, it would have been another female love interest rather than the one that we seem to get every book and a woman of color at that.

#4 -- Landry Olsen

I know what you’re thinking but just hear me out for a second and then you can eviscerate me in the comments.

Landry is a character that has me torn in more ways than one. First, I love the twist in book 1 where we see him for who he “truly is”. It was unexpected and a lovely change.

That notwithstanding, I was also deeply saddened to see yet another promising story not come to pass. See, there aren’t many characters like Landry who are so incredibly awkward but also come off as friendly. It was a lovely change of pace and it would have been amazing, just the sweetest, to see MC bring Landry out of his shell. MC could have helped Landry gain confidence to do far more than talk to the girl across the bar. Before the end of the book, he would have been having a full ass conversation with Ethan and maybe even mustering up the bravery to ask MC out. All of the pieces were there, either as platonic friend or love interest. Instead, Landry lived long enough to see himself become the villain. But my friends to lovers slowburn adoring heart will always have a piece longing for what could have been. Judge me if you will.

#3 -- Tobias Carrick

Originally introduced in book 2 to be to Ethan what Mass Kenmore is to Edenbrook, Tobias’ story takes a flip once book 3 comes around. Immediately compelling from the get go, Tobias shows a charming competitive nature sprinkled with arrogance, grey morality, and a devilish side. Tobias’ personality would either be completely in line with MC or completely against MC depending on how you tend to play the game. Both are completely valid and interesting options. Even before the infamous beet puns in book 3, Tobias made me want to know more. Tobias was the ultimate character in the Open Heart series that would have made a perfect one night stand. Alas, it seems we’ll never know more and must stick to the fantastic fanfiction writers on sites like this to sate us.

#2 -- Aurora Emery

Let me tell you, the line between #’s 1 and 2 is so thin it’s barely there. Those two are so close I almost can’t distinguish which one I wanted more. Aurora is first presented to MC and the gang as an intern who seems like she may become an antagonist of the series. As Book 1 presses on, we start to see Aurora in a whole new light. MC comes to understand why Aurora has the cold and closed off personality she does and when given the chances later in the series, Aurora opens up into almost an entirely different person as she finds herself outside of the expectations of her family.

Aurora is a brilliant doctor very nearly on the same level as MC and later seems to become a parallel to MC for what Tobias is to Ethan. Thankfully Aurora and MC’s relationship is a lot less volatile, but those brief fireworks make me really wish Aurora and MC would have officially been a thing. I feel like PB was weighing the option for a while but decided against it, much to their detriment.

However, I had to push Aurora down for one specific reason to come in the explanation for #1. And #1 is…

#1 -- Farley the Landlord

Be honest. After having Landry on this list, you thought this was a serious entry for a second, didn’t you? Just kidding!

(the real) #1 -- Kyra Santana

Kyra meets MC for the first time when Ethan dubiously introduces her to them because Kyra broke her arm in an accident. Right from the start, Kyra is an incorrigible flirt, obviously egged on by her cancer diagnosis and fear of death. Kyra has such an incredible story. Throughout books 1 and 2, Kyra is an incredible friend to MC and it breaks my heart that PB dropped her romantic storyline the way they did.

This is why Kyra edged out Aurora for #1. Going back and re-reading book 1, it’s always obvious that Kyra was meant to be a love interest. I’m not sure what stopped them from going forward with it. I’d like to think it had something to do with potential backlash for having a patient and their doctor get involved, but I think it has more to do with being a woman or a woman of color than anything else. Which is a damned shame. We stan Kyra Santana in this house and I wanted to leave with her at the end of book 2.

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So what do you all think? Do you agree with any of my placements? Vehemently disagree with others? I wrote this at 2am when I couldn’t sleep and didn’t bother to proofread before posting so you’re welcome.

Let me know below and cross your fingers for the finale of Open Heart book 3 coming later today!!

#open heart #choices open heart #sienna trinh #elijah greene #tobias carrick #harper emery #aurora emery #kyra santana #landry olsen #zaid mirani #baz mirani #june hirata

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