#but now i can't do either because i can't physically handle paperwork

[philcoulsonismyhero]

You know, I'm getting really fed up with this hypermobility bullshit. I dared to read a (very short) physical book today and now I can't use my thumbs without pain. Who designed my joints, I want a refund

#personal stuff #typing without the use of your thumbs Sucks btw #i was going to get an art thing done today so i could get on with admin tomorrow #but now i can't do either because i can't physically handle paperwork #or hold a pencil #i think i'm just going to take some painkillers and get in my bed #and see if i can tolerate typing like this for long enough to work on the fic i'm trying to finish #hope the rest actually helps at all and start again tomorrow #hhhhh

[earthtooz]

BABE I HAD AN IDEA- Reo Mikage ANGST where he calls reader a gold digging whore in the middle of an argument, ultimately affirming all of her insecurities so he has to figure out a way to show that he didn't mean it and that he's sorry without using his disgustingly abundant wealth 💔 anyways ilysm hope you take care of yourself

NO YOU ARE LITERALLY DISGUSTING FOR THIS (affectionate) YOUR MIND >>> YOU ARE SOOOOO RIGHT. SHUT UP THIS WILL LITERALLY BE THE MOST SCRUMPTIOUS FIC EVER BECAUSE I AM LITERALLY ABOUT TO PUT MY WHOLE EARTHUSSY INTO INCORPORATING THIS IDEA SOMEWHERE !!! BUT FOR NOW, TAKE THIS SNIPPET I WHIPPED UP IN ONE SITTING.

girl feel free to come back into my inbox WHENEVER and giving me your juicy ideas bc holy shit i loved this.

CW: HURT/COMFORT - A LOT OF BOTH, SWEARING, UNEDITED - I WAS GOING THRU IT WHILST WRITING THIS DON'T LOOK AT ME!

IMAGINE THIS: it's been a rough night for both you and reo, he's been through a lot in the past weeks because his dad just had to during the middle of soccer season to lecture reo about how to run a big business. the transition process is beginning to happen since father mikage is about to retire and although your purple-haired boyfriend has been preparing for this his whole life, having gone to business school part-time and graduating with honours, there's still a little part of him that feels weary from all the responsibilities.

all this accumulated stress needs to have an outlet eventually, right? welp, you just happened to be there at the right (wrong) time. you were simply delivering a platter of apples to your boyfriend who had his head in his hands, hunched over an endless pile of paperwork that was beginning to irk him with each passing second. countless images of him shredding up the paper flowed into his mind, a fury that manifested into his reality, except the paper was you D,:

one thing evolved into another, reo's endless stream of venomous words didn't stop flowing out of him as he spat poison after poison, burning you with the intensity of it all.

"you're so overbearing, can't you see that i'm fine? unlike you i can handle myself when things get hard," he spits, eyeing you with fury in his eyes, one that makes you gulp thickly.

"reo-"

-but you wouldn't know the first thing about fighting for what you want right, you fucking gold-digger."

that stops you in your tracks, silences you effortlessly, causing you to let your hands drop limply back to your sides as you stare at your boyfriend blankly. you're sinking into an abyss of hurt and insecurity, it's getting harder to breathe because of the way your chest swells with anger.

reo only continues, not noticing the way you physically and emotionally drop. "even if you don't give me attention for one second of the day, i won't forget you exist, so stop being so clingy and unnecessary! my money isn't going anywhere either, you don't need to occupy majority of my day so leave me alone. go shop online or something."

that was it. was that all reo perceived you to be? a dent in his money, the expenses of his bank account?

"fine. goodbye," you simply mutter before slipping through his office door, out in the hallway.

"don't bother me whilst i'm in here," he says with finality, one last declaration before you shut the door behind you.

the luxurious walls of reo's penthouse look down at you mockingly, the spacious area caging you in, chanting 'gold-digger' over and over again until it's all you hear.

staying here feels wrong.

so, you grab your purse and leave, as quietly as possible. slipping down to the garage where your (second hand) car was parked, you start the engine up and begin reversing out of the parking lot.

you begin to reflect on your relationship with reo. you love him, you really do, you love him because he's reo, the man who was always capable of making you smile, laugh, and make you feel like you were on top of the world. his money and fame was an added bonus that you truly didn't care much about.

but ever since dating him, you've had your own insecurities that have been forced on you by other people. there were crowds calling you a 'gold digger' who was only with reo 'for the money', and although you were sure of yourself and your intentions, your armour breaks down sometimes.

what reo said tonight was the final jab that allowed it to fully disintegrate.

you had a stable job of your own and finances to your own name, money wasn't something you avidly chased, sure having a few zeroes in your bank account was nice but that was all you really needed. as long as you could buy necessities and spoil yourself, it was satisfactory, and you could provide that for yourself!

reo loved to spoil you, showering you in luxurious gifts that you never knew how to accept. it would take a great deal of convincing for you to take what he bought you, and when you promised him to stop buying them for you, he agreed before buying you more material stuff.

as you pull up to the parking lot of the apartment complex that you resided in, you get into the elevator with a heavy heart, pressing the button to your floor with a lot of emotions.

the ride is silent. everything is so silent.

your apartment is even more silent. it's unused, slightly barren. your furniture was still there, except some dust had gathered on the tables and cabinets from how long you've neglected it.

the only reason you were able to keep your apartment was because you had no expenses outflowing since reo took care of almost everything. anything you needed, he bought it, groceries, bills, whatever, were charged on his card. for a period of time, your bank account merely grew and never decreased.

and since you hadn't been here for a while, electricity and water bills never bothered you too much.

you flop onto your made bed with a sigh. it wasn't as soft as reo's but you didn't find it in you to care, you just needed some well-deserved shut eye.

well, 'shut eye' occurred for merely an hour before your phone started vibrating violently.

with a groan, you shove your face back into your pillows before blindly reaching for your phone.

you already knew who it would be without looking at the caller id. of course reo would be looking for you, noting your obvious absence in his penthouse.

"hello?" you mutter.

"y/n? where the hell are you?" comes reo's frantic voice from the other line. he sounds genuinely concerned.

"doesn't matter."

"i'm sorry for everything i said. please, come back."

"reo, i'm tired, i can't do this with you right now."

"i'm sorry, i'm really really sorry."

"i don't want to hear this right now."

"i love you."

you sigh and you're sure reo can hear it on his end. unsure of how to respond, you just hang up on him before throwing your phone away. normally, you would feel bad about the way you left him, but that wasn't the case this time. you just needed to sleep on this.

but, it was reo you were talking about, and the last thing he was going to let you do was sleep without him.

at 1:24am, there's a series of ferocious knocks on your door, followed by screams of your name.

oh my god it was so embarrassing, you literally shoot out of bed as soon as you register what was happening and dash for your door. you don't want to disturb your neighbours' sleep and let them hear that the pathetic grovelling of your boyfriend. the entire hallway could hear reo and his shouting.

you open the door, pull him in, and slam it shut behind you again, leaving the purple-haired to stare at you with a bewildered expression.

"what are you doing here?" you hiss.

he looks at you the same way a puppy does when its owner kicked it out of the house.

you should've known that merely telling reo 'i don't want to hear this right now' would not be enough to pacify his determination and the fact that you hung up on him only intensified his pettiness. the purple-haired always sought you out, pulling himself into your orbit like a magnet. where you went, reo followed, even if it was to the ends of the world.

he had the money to do whatever he wanted, you suppose.

"i wanted to make sure you were safe," he pouts. "i didn't know whether you'd be here or not."

"well, i'm safe, and i'm here. so."

"i can see that," he leans against the back of your couch. reo looks so out of place in your small apartment, awkwardly playing with his hands. "so... should we go to bed?"

the audacity. "what do you mean 'we'? go back home, reo, i'll see you some other time."

as you turn around to go back to your bedroom, reo's quick enough to round around you, blocking you from the hallway with his larger figure.

"but you are my home. please, i'm really sorry about what i said, i didn't mean it," he pleads, grabbing your face so you could look him square in the eye.

you step out of his grasp easily, shaking him off. if you were in your right mind, you would've seen the look of heartbreak on reo's face.

"sure, if you didn't mean it then you wouldn't have said it in the first place, mikage."

you swerve around him to reach your bedroom and he follows you the entire time, trailing behind you, desperate for an ounce of your attention.

"i know i fucked up, but i didn't mean to hurt you and project my frustrations like that onto you when you were just trying to care for me." you sit down on your bed with a sigh and reo takes a seat beside you. "you know i love you right? like, a lot."

that's right. if there's one thing about reo it's that he loves you to an endless degree.

"thank you for always caring for me. i know you don't do it because you're after my money or fame, but because you want to ensure that i'm healthy and not rotting in all that i have to do," his voice cracks. is he beginning to cry. "i don't know what i'd do without you."

you let a beat of silence pass by before dropping your walls. he was always going to smash through them no matter what.

"i've always felt insecure in our relationship," you confess, no louder than an exhale and if reo wasn't holding on to every action of yours, he wouldn't have heard you. "being called a gold digger became normal when i started dating you and i didn't really care. well- i tried not to care."

you continue. "i don't want to let these comments get to me, but then you said it and... i don't know, it just felt horrible."

you feel an arm sneak under your leg, and another hand come to your elbow, both of which simultaneously pull you to straddle reo's lap. you don't look him in the eye- something he frowns at.

"i love you for you. you're the best i'll ever have, reo, but sometimes i-"

"-please don't finish that sentence," he murmurs, breath fanning against your face.

you meet his gaze. he's crying freely. tears are running down his cheeks like streams and you instinctively bring use your thumbs to catch the drops. you hate it when he cries.

"i don't want it to be anyone else but you," confesses the purple-haired. "i hate it when we're separated, i can't stay away from you too long or i think i will go insane."

his statement causes you to giggle a little.

"you laugh but i'm telling the truth."

"i laugh because you make me happy."

his arms wound around your waist, keeping you pressed against him, leaving you with no room to escape or part from him. just what reo likes.

"i'm sorry for what i said," he says against your collarbone. "when i didn't see you in our home, i didn't know what to think. i got so scared for a second because i had no idea where you could've gone so i started spamming your number-"

"-yeah wait, was calling me 24 times necessary?"

"i was going to keep calling you until you picked up so it could've taken 24 or 1000 times or more. now let me speak." you nod wordlessly, smiling a little at how silly reo can be. "and when i realised that you went back to your apartment, i felt horrible that i drove you out."

he looks up at you with glossy eyes.

"you came here because you wanted to prove me wrong, right? because you bought all this by yourself and don't need me, right?"

"well, kind of, but i also didn't want to be around you so i came back here."

reo frowns before leaning in to press delicate kisses to your neck. "please don't leave me. i need you by my side," he inhales before whispering his next statement. "even if you don't need me."

a hand of yours go up to thread through his hair. "don't say that," you use your other hand to direct his face away from your neck, pressing a kiss against his puckered lips. "i absolutely adore you, my love. you're my favourite person ever."

he smiles before leaning in again, kissing you with more fervour and passion. you can feel another tear slide down his cheek.

"lets go to bed, reo," you say when you part and he simply nods, laying you on the side of the bed before laying beside you, arms naturally finding themselves around your waist as reo tugs you as humanely close as possible. "sorry if this mattress isn't as comfortable as your twelve grand one back home."

"i couldn't care less," he whispers whilst tracing patterns on your bare skin.

so long as it's you he's next to, reo doesn't have a lot to complain about.

#bro when i say i literally wrote this in one go #I WROTE THIS IN ONE GO #reo mikage x reader #reo x reader #mikage reo x reader #blue lock x reader

[kaxenart]

While many mech pilots are so physically and mentally wrecked that their "retirement" life is catatonic misery, some of them crab bucket their way into the handler position.

Mercenary pilot: I HAVE MADE ENOUGH MONEY TO ESCAPE DEBT. NOW TO WRECK SOMEONE ELSE TO EARN MONEY FOR ME!!!

Some handlers really hate the idea of considering an ex-pilot an equal, so the viability of this path in any organization depends heavily on the handler clique at the organization.

Rimbaud: Well, if I can't pilot now that the M3 SABAV is being replaced with an incompatible system to my augments, maybe I can be a handler. Hummel: We are not and never will be equals, pet.

Pilots-turned-handlers are never milquetoast.

You're either gonna get 15 new mental illnesses in the name of being the best pilot alive (lesbianism optional... maybe...) or you're going to get a fucked-up person's vision of "nice."

Depends if the pilot-turned-handler is closer to the "I got fucked up and survived and so can you!" end or the "I will protect them from all danger as I wish my handler had done for me" end.

Once in a while, these two concepts are somehow the same thing in the minds of a pilot-turned-handler and woe upon the pilot they manage.

Not sure if Valkyrie Corp mercenaries tend towards being female, but it is funny to consider that Penis King never had a penis as a human either. It just took that call sign because it likes killing people and the Penis King call sign is very attention-grabbing.

Call signs working under "you can kill people to take their call sign" is possibly the worst way to handle call signs without invoking 300 levels of paperwork hell, but mercenaries are always looking for an excuse to destroy rivals like bored Napoleonic Frenchmen craving sword duels.

Some handlers don't like risking their pilots and their expensive mechs for no money in fights over call signs and try to avoid their pilot hearing about duelling challenges.

Other handlers consider it a good way to practice real combat when in-between contracts and argue that having a hella good call sign makes it easier to get mentioned specifically when a mercenary corp is called up for a job. A client is going to be a lot more excited when someone with a badass reputation can be sent in compared to a fresh newbie trapped in hell with an idiotic call sign like Doofus.

Penis King is one of the top earners at Valkyrie Corp which is why the company puts up with its eccentricities including being a slightly illegal transhumanist. Lawyers have been in arguments for decades over whether or not a human brain upload counts as human still and it's a legal gray area. Penis King doesn't really care about money and doing taxes as long as Valkyrie Corp keeps its mech in good condition and securing contracts because it loves nothing besides deadly combat.

Kaczka has the call sign Duck because she often goes on sorties with Penis King and they are P.King and Duck on the company leaderboard. Kaczka also means "duck" and you ought to get out of her way when she comes barrelling in.

Kaczka doesn't get into many fights for her call sign since it sounds kind of stupid (she will beat the crap out of you if you make a "Sitting Duck" joke) and Penis King tends to absorb the attention, but she still has a strong reputation due to being a more than competent wingwoman.

Penis King has attachments for walking about when not on a mission, but it prefers being carried by Kaczka.

#tkverse #worldbuilding #Lam-Hu #Kaczka

[lavenoon]

absolutely no rush on this, idle blorbo thought that rolled around: how would Dawn/Dusk react to seeing Robin coming into work, or joining them on a mission, looking under-the-weather? the kind of level where a person might try to shrug it off but is 100% going to bite them hard afterwards

also I hope you're doing okie, may you be able to have a lil treat during your day - @clxckwork-sun-n-moon

Given that I am not feeling my best, I'm tackling this ask now and afterwards I'm going to nap this migraine away fr. Some (mild) caretaking coming up!

Neither of them likes seeing Robin come in just-slightly-sick-but-it's-fine-really. But, depending on where they are with their rivalry, there's not much they can do about it.

Dusk has the stronger case, and in the case of an actual field mission he'll put his foot down and, if necessary, strong-arm Robin back to their office. There is no way he's letting them parkour if they're not feeling their best - what if a coughing fit hits them mid-jump, or they zone out a bit just as they land and fall flat on their face? No way, he'd rather not have to explain that to the higher ups. If it's bad enough that he notices, it's bad enough to keep them away from the field. Will threaten of making a scene and involving Agent River - and by then Robin would cave. They don't want negative attention, so they'll begrudgingly accept that it's a paperwork kind of night only. He's making their office his office for the night, too, occupying the ground if necessary and either wordlessly leaving every now and then just to return with a snack and something to drink, or grumbles about them taking a break whenever he gets the impression that they're struggling through a bit too much of a haze.

May urge them to just go home if he feels it's bad enough - or ask them to rest the next day, maybe even telling them that they should just ask their neighbor for help so they can actually catch a break. That'll grate at him, because he can't help more than this, but someone else might - but when Robin reacts with an offended gasp and "It's really not that bad, I don't need to bother him about something silly like this!" he feels just a tad better, because at least they let him help. Will tell them point blank that if they're still feeling sickly next night they better stay home, or he'll do all this again, night for night, until he deems them fit enough for the field again. Will still be worried when they stay out the next night, because he's a goober. Once they're back, he'll pretend nothing ever happened, but keep a closer eye on them anyhow, just to be safe <3

Dawn will have a bit more of a struggle. Their job isn't as physically taxing, and Robin would wave off any concerns for their mental state with the insistence that they're fine, they've been doing this for years, they know themself and know they can handle this. Doesn't even think of involving River, because he's also a little particular about attention from the higher ups. (Dusk isn't. Dusk will be a menace to anyone, and won't be sorry). So he'll just watch them like a hawk if they won't let themself be convinced to take it easy, and cover for any blunders from their side by either being charming, or scathing, or both. Draws the attention back to himself, and that's easy, after all. Similarly to this scenario, he'll tell them to get some fresh air whenever possible, with the distinction that if they're sick, and not just out of it, he won't let them go alone. Will claim the truth - they aren't feeling to well, but the two of them will be right back, not to worry!

Will give them another out once they're alone, tells them he'll cover the rest and to please just go rest, they're only making things worse for their recovery. Don't they have that helpful neighbor who likes helping them, anyway? They should just go home and let Dawn cover this for them - he won't even mention it in the report, so no one has to know. (How do you know Dawn has it bad for you? He suggests breaking the rules for you. Unfortunately, Robin is too dense to realize). But, same as above, Robin will insist on staying, and not bothering their nice neighbor over something so trivial. But, well... They wouldn't mind if Dawn takes the lead this time, and maybe they can use the sickness as a strategy, play it up a little (i.e. stop hiding it as much), to convince certain people to perhaps "let them rest" in restricted access areas. That's a compromise he can live with - he gets to watch them, be as caring as he rarely gets to be, and the job gets done. Tomorrow, though, they better stay home or he'll personally lock them in their office, promise and a threat <3

#answer let luce #clxckwork-sun-n-moon #accidentally undercover #au alt timeline #AU AU AU #whatsup folks I haven't forgotten about my inbox #have a crumb I'm not sure I can tackle more today #persistent bugger of a migraine. mild af as far as migraines go but so damn annoying #so yeah I'd definitely go into work like this and get scolded by these idiots #so many more typos I have to correct it really is naptime #enjoy have fun

[arrowsgotamnesia]

So, when it comes to space travel, usually only the most Qualified get to go, with the individual being required to be exceptionally intelligent, psychologically fortitude, and physically peak. These qualifications are so strict that anyone with a history of mental disorder, especially behavioral, are immediately disqualified, anyone 'too short' or 'too tall' are immediately disqualified, if you do not perform over a specific amount of time flying or operating aircraft annually, you become disqualified, and so much more. These restrictions are set to make sure two important assets aren't wasted: Time, and Lives.

So, to this, it will be that most of humanity will be staying right here on our lovely blue Rock. Why do I talk about this? Because we still have the chance, as a species, to visit the stars and explore them in person! For such an 'evolutionary species' that we are, I do believe that if we ever met aliens, especially if they aren't from a death world like our own but somewhere even more docile, then we will be the aliens. What I mean is that, even through all the things we as a species went through and traits we gained, that allow us to go to space, other organisms have not always gone through that same pressure. You can't send anyone and anything up there. Which is why, likely, we will be making the first move.

Interestingly enough, Escape Velocity only applies to when we're slingshotting something into space. Theoretically, at least, any amount of propulsion away from the planet's gravity well could escape if provided enough feul and that the mode itself is efficient, which means in a far distant future, many more humans could qualify for space travel.

Scarier than that, though, is the realization of how technologically advanced a species must be to do that. Perhaps it is good that so few humans can touch the stars, and that we haven't seen anyone else yet, because if we ever do meet some species like us, there will only be two possibilities: either they're near Physical Paragons of their species (like our own astronauts) or they've advanced beyond the need of worrying about resources spent to leave their plant. Of which can be either good or bad, but both will be revolutionary.

To this, imagine the tragedy of a human contacting alien life, meeting someone from their species, and falling in love. The human wants them to meet their family, to see their home, but the Physical form of that alien is just not strong enough. Forever, until the day that human ages out, they will know the freedom of the cosmos, and watch it be unfairly ripped from that one they hold most dear. Imagine they're going to retire, planning to settle down with their beloved on their planet, but they have to make a stop at earth to handle some paperwork, and in doing so are deemed unfit for further space travel. Now, they're stuck on Earth forever, just as helpless as their Lover. Just as helpless as they once were.

I do not imagine that interplanetary postal services are exactly as fast as the form of communication we're used to. Imagine We found a way to love, and then lost the way to obtain that love.

#haso #humans are space orcs

[genderqueerdykes]

Hi I'm 19 transmasc and about to go to college for my second year but since the pandemic was so much worse in 2020/2021, this will be the first time I physically go onto campus. I'm really nervous about having to introduce myself since I dont have a name I'm comfortable with.

My birth name is super feminine and even saying it out loud has always made me uncomfortable and made me feel kind of sick. All thru highschool I just dealt with the fact that i would always be uncomfortable when someone called me by my legal name

But now that I'm goign to college where I don't know anyone I wanna choose a name that I actually like

Problem is that my legal name is kind of unavoidable itll be on all my documents and school information. I'm scared I'll tell people my name but my professors will call out my name during attendance and I'll have no courage and I'll end up miserable with my legal name.

I'm also scared of people figuring out my real name and questioning me for lying or soemthing.

I dont have a chosen name yet I'm still figuring it out but I was wondering if you have any advice on how to handle this. I'd really appreciate anything. Sorry this is long hope u have a very good day!

i'm really sorry this is going on right now, but i understand it fully

i still don't have my legal name changed, even after being out for a decade. getting your name changed legally is a big pain in the ass and where i'm at, it requires a lot of hoops and rigamarole if you're trans, for some g-dforsaken reason.

it really sucks to like. constantly have your legal name shoved in your face and to have people have to see that, and to correct them. it can be very tiring, i get that. it makes me tired when i'm doing anything medical related because it's always under my legal name and i get so tired of having to remember/say that name. whenever i hear my birth name it makes me sick, too, i can't stand it. i've hated it since childhood

it will be hard to see your legal name on paperwork and such, but, most professors are on the up-and-up and will be respectful about your name and pronouns. you may be able to talk with your advisor at your school and ask them if there's a way to have your ID (if you get one) have your preferred name either instead of or alongside your birth name. you can also ask to see if there's any way they can make it easier for you to let your professors know about your preferred name

i would also try to get in touch with that college's LGBT/queer Pride/ gay/straight alliance group and see if they have any resources to help you survive being in college while being trans and not having your name changed. see if they have any suggestions or representatives or people who can help you

i also hope you're able to find a name that feels good and comfortable for you! i know it'll be easy to get disheartened seeing your legal name on paperwork and whatnot, but just try to be firm with your professors, and see if there's an LGBT pride group at your college who can give you more advice specific to your school. i hope that helps at all, take care, i understand the struggle. stay safe, you are valued

#asks #answers #names

[peachesnabsinthe]

Grieving with Chronic Illness

**tw/cw for chronic illness, disability, pain symptoms, dissociative episodes, grief**

Yesterday was very very difficult.

If I'm being completely honest with myself, the past 8 months have been so difficult. I came to the realization yesterday that, realistically, I am getting to the point where I can no longer work. My new PCP was able to FINALLY fill out some FMLA paperwork for me, which is amazing and my work has been SO INCREDIBLY KIND AND PATIENT throughout this whole process, but the limitations that I have are limitations for my actual job. Meaning, I am physically NOT even supposed to be doing my job. I'm not supposed to be standing for extended periods of time. Or even lift over 20lbs. I can't even work a full 40 /hr work week, and haven't been able to do so for 8 months, and the new physical limitations the doctor set are things I need to do to do my work.

I work for the public library in my city. It's a full-time position that I worked SO FUCKING HARD to get because it's very rare that full-time positions are available for libraries. The space and work is perfect for me (had been perfect for me), especially as someone that has ASD and CPTSD w/dissociation. The environment is pretty quiet, I move at my own pace, and even have my own office that I can go into when I'm feeling mentally or physically unwell or activated. I thought that maybe I could stay and work for the library until I retire. I don't make anywhere near a livable wage (lol does anybody anymore), but the benefits are nice, the organization is amazing, and it felt stable and safe.

Until now.

I'm always backed up on work because I can only work for maybe 30hrs/week, and what used to take me maybe 2 hours can now take me 4. The worst part is, is that everyday that I go into work, there is a constant reminder that I am losing a war with my body. And it's so fucking devastating. I recieved an email from my boss, about needing to discuss ways that we can try to make my work environement work for me. I am so incredibly grateful (and fortunate) that I have employers that actually give a shit about their employees. But also.

I don't know what to fucking do. I hear suggestions like "maybe we get a chair for the packing station?" "Maybe we reorganize the bins to make it easier for lifting/bending over?" Which are all great suggestions, but also, how do you get across to someone that this pain doesn't go away? That sometimes I can bend over with ease or lift things up, but other times my shoulder blades like to dislocate for fun? How do you get across that the joint in the knees and hips feel like jello, so neither standing still, walking, or sitting around is comfortable, and feels like walking on stilts. How do you explain to someone that you've been staring into space for 20 minutes not only because your body feels like it's on fire, but also because being in it is so painful that your brain can't handle being in it either, so it sucks you far away into somewhere where you feel absolutely fucking nothing, and nothing no longer feels real anymore.

I think the only thing to say is "Maybe we can try these things". But also, "I don't know if it will make a difference".

"I don't know if it will make a difference, but maybe we can try these things".

I feel like a ghost sometimes. I automatically say things just to make everyone else feel less uncomfortable. I know that everyone means well. I know that I am so loved and appreciated. I don't want anyone to fix this for me, and I don't need anyone to give me answer. I just really hate the "how are you?" or "how are you feeling today?" questions.

(◕‿◕✿) "I'm here, aren't I?" (◠‿◠✿)

How the fuck do you think I feel?

#personal #online journal #digital diary #journal #personal post #tw chronic pain #tw chronic illness #tw disability #tw dissociation #tw greif

[yokohamapound]

Hello there! could I possibly request the reader reacting to Chuuya,Kunikida and Akutagawa getting into a fight for them? the other person might have badmouthed the reader and that caused the character to get mad and get into a fight with the person. Thank you!! <33

Haha, your choices for this request are perfect. 😂

Characters: Nakahara Chuuya, Kunikida Doppo, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

Warnings: violence, murder, awful puns

Nakahara Chuuya

Our darling short king already has anger problems and a hair-trigger temper when it comes to people insulting him. Can you imagine how fast he gets pissed off if someone insults his precious s/o? I'm talking the speed of sound here.

As in, the leg will be flying before the big-mouthed idiot hears their doom whooshing towards them.

Chuuya will honestly beat the crap out of them. The only person he has to take shit from is Mori, and anyone else is fair fucking game, baby. If you're not part of the Port Mafia then he won't even tolerate your name being spoken by the mafiosi. You are absolutely none of their business and talking about you is a one-way ticket to getting their ass floated off the top of Mukurotoride until they beg for mercy.

"What the hell did you just say, you piece of shit?!"

He's not as homicidal as some members of the Port Mafia (Akutagawa) but his temper is as short as he is.

If you wanna handle your own shit, he'll let you, but the second someone makes you uncomfortable he's stepping in. And if they make you cry, wellllll, then he knows a bunch of good places to dig a shallow grave.

And if someone talks shit about you behind your back, well, you're not there to defend yourself or tell him off for starting (another) bar brawl, are you?

Just picture him using the crushing weight of gravity to make someone kneel face-down in the dirt and beg for your forgiveness. Satisfying, isn't it?

Kunikida Doppo

Now, Kunikida's much less likely to actually get into a physical fight than the other two (and 100% less likely to get homicidal), but that certainly doesn't mean he'll tolerate any kind of slander on your name or reputation. That wouldn't suit his ideals, at all.

Unless it's Dazai. If Dazai says something lewd about you or insults you in any way, it's ON.

Anyway, Kunikida will happily deliver a verbal smackdown on your behalf if you aren't inclined to do so yourself.

"I see. Could you repeat that? I want to make sure I have it written down properly in my notebook. For my records."

I don't know how he makes that sound threatening, but he does.

This man used to moonlight as an algebra teacher, so he can literally lecture someone into regretting they were ever born.

Once he's done slicing and dicing them with his razor-sharp tongue, he'll either drown them in paperwork if they're part of the ADA, or gleefully inconvenience them to the point of madness.

If it's some chucklefuck on the street, he'll "Doppo Poetry!" up some handcuffs and march their ass down to the police station to report them for harassment or slander. He'll fill out the paperwork joyfully.

Again, if it's Dazai, he'll just strangle him.

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

I don't know who was stupid enough to insult you in front of Akutagawa, but that was a real dumb fucking move. To an extent, Akutagawa expects you to be able to hold your own in a verbal dispute, because he doesn't think of you as a baby or a child. You're an adult, and I think he would actually enjoy it if you had a sharp tongue, but if the insult is unprovoked, crosses a certain line, or edges into a threat, that's it.

Game over.

"What did you say, cur? Do you value the use of your tongue? Perhaps I should cut it out."

Akutagawa's response will always be swift and violent.

Unless it's someone whose authority he can't refute, like Mori or Dazai, then Akutagawa is likely to kill them. It doesn't matter if it's one of his subordinates in the Port Mafia or just some dipshit in the street with a smart mouth.

Rashomon is hungry.

If you don't want that person dead then you better start talking fast and either a) distract Akutagawa or b) insult the person back so hard their ancestors need the aloe vera cream. If it's the first, he'll be pissy but will possibly allow you to pull him back from the brink of murder. If it's the second one, then he's amused enough to let it go. For now.

I'm not saying he won't go back later and turn them into a reverse-cactus when you're not around, because that would probably be a lie.

#Yokohama Pound #bungou stray dogs #bsd headcanons #bsd imagines #Nakahara Chuuya #Kunikida Doppo #Akutagawa Ryuunosuke #Chuuya x Reader #Kunikida x Reader #Akutagawa x Reader #tw: violence

[spencersmagic]

What's love? - 505 interlude

THIS ISN'T A FIC. IT'S JUST SOME WORD VOMIT ON THE PRETTIEST BOY IN THE WORLD. I HOPE YALL LIKE IT.

ALSO I'M NOT PLANNING ON REREADING IT. I JUST WROTE IT. AND NOW IM POSTING IT (I CAN'T PUT MYSELF THROUGH THOSE FEELINGS AGAIN LOL).

In my brain this is an interlude to 505. A way of understanding the character within this concept, and not just as the TV show depicts him.

masterlist // 505 series taglist

Spencer is a genius.

Spencer has an IQ of 187. He's a certified genius. He reads 20.000 words per minute. He has three PHDs and thee MDs, graduated from high school and was accepted into MIT at age 13. He works for the behavioural analysis unit of the FBI. He is a high ranking federal agent.

Spencer has read every single government document, and still stays up to date with each document that is published. He plays chess, and it's nearly impossible to beat him. Spencer reads investigation essays on any topic, ranging from physics to philosophy and everything in between. Spencer solves case after case. With the help of his team, he puts away bad guy after bad guy. Spencer makes connections between locations to understand the behaviour, motivations and possible future victims of an unsub.

And while these traits make Spencer Reid who he is, he's so much more.

Spencer loves with a mending heart, one which is shattered way too often. Spencer cares for his friends, does their paperwork because he's "faster doing it". He brings coffee for his teammates when they're working consecutive cases. He stops at the cute shop around the corner from his apartment to buy Penelope small things to fidget with. He goes into baby's clothing stores to look at small shoes to buy for JJ's kids, even though those places are always downright filthy. Spencer watches in awe, as if he were documenting an experiment, as Derek talks to him about what he's learned on women - he talks about love, and how easy it is to slip and shield yourself from rejection, and sometimes even about sex, and how weird or amazing it can be. Spencer always tries to sit near Emily or Hotch on the flights back because they always talk about something interesting, usually relating to human behaviour.

He has trouble understanding human behaviour. That's probably why he is so interested in studying psychology, behaviour and philosophy. He fidgets nervously, submerges himself in the peripheral to ignore what confuses him. He is amazed by numbers, and finding the connection between them. He memorises statistic after statistic, percentage after percentage, to make sense of the senseless.

Spencer doesn't understand love. In the simplest way possible, too. He is completely aware of what people say it is: a tingly feeling in the pit of your stomach when the person is close. It was enjoying proximity (though he didn't know if this would apply to him too).

Until he met her.

Now, he knows how knowledge is acquired. He knows that the only way of truly learning something is if you push yourself, you read, you study and, eventually, you know. He knows there is on way to learn about something by mere proximity.

But when he met her he suddenly understood. He understood that love is wanting to wake up early to make them coffee, but staying in bed for five more minutes to be able to properly inhale their presence. It's hugging the pillow when they're not home, closing your eyes tightly and knowing that they will be coming back. It's not being able to take the distance, no matter what you tell yourself.

Love is worrying about them every single second of your life - no matter where they were. It's wanting to wrap them in bubble wrap, the indestructible kind. The kind that doesn't allow for any injury - either physical or emotional.

And that's the thing. Because He would never imagine he could hurt you. So the first time he comes back home from a case, exactly the case you'd taken a break from because the last one had hit a little too close to home, he had lashed out. He had called you everything short of lazy and annoying. He had criticised you for taking a much-needed break. "If you had been there we would've been able to stop Michaelson before he killed the second victim! How can you not see that?". He was incapable of stopping his words as the pain and exhaustion from the case got the best of him. Spencer had hurt you.

And, as Spencer spewed his words, unable to stop them, he felt nothing more than absolute fear. Fear because of how scared he was. Fear because of the pain he saw in your tired eyes.

Love is questioning everything. Everything pushing your emotions towards fear and worry of loss. Of deceit.

When she told Spencer she was ready to have sex with him, he felt that feeling at the pit of his stomach. But this time, it was mixed with the same fear that had hurt her mere months ago. Because the idea of his filthy hands roaming around her body, corrupting her saint-like spirit, it was too much to handle.

She had let him in, broken her walls. She had made him her own, and, in doing so, she became his, too. They became one, like a sculpture that's carefully being crafted. The creation of the Ecstasy of Saint Teresa by Bernini, a beautiful piece where Saint Teresa is depicted just minutes before the angel plunges an arrow in her heart. Their pieces were mended together, creating the prettiest, most heartbreaking piece of art humanity had had the chance of witnessing.

Spencer was a genius. Yet, he knew no amount of books could teach him anything about the incredible woman with whom he had the opportunity of approximating his time-space continuum with.

**

Super special, cool kid taglist: @lady-anon-x @inlovewithbabygirl @username2002 @spencerreid-mgg @eoupe @galaxydefenderjulia @urie-bowie-mercury @huntheimpossible @onyourfingertips

tags not working: @s1utformgg

#spencer reid #spencer #reid #matthew #gray #gubler #matthew gray gubler #criminal minds #cm #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid smut #ish #fluff #spencer x yn #spencer x reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x yn #on shot #imagine

[addictofsupernatural]

A Crush's Body

Loki Odinson x reader

Summary: You have to dress up in burlesque attire for a mission, and it has Loki angered and worried.

Word Count: 3352

"This is outrageous." Loki said as he shook his head and paced back and forth. "Who was the person to come up with such a stupidity of a plan?"

"Mm, Tony I think."

Loki quietly scoffed. "Of course."

You got up from the couch to stop Loki's pacing. "Really Loki, it's not that big a deal."

"Not that big a deal? Of course it is! They can't be treating you like some object! Have they no respect for you?!"

Loki learned a lot about respecting you over time. You met when Thor brought Loki back to the prison cell in the Avengers compound. You heard about Loki through Thor, and chose not to listen to any other bad renditions of him unless it was only from Thor. You could sympathize with Loki"s issues, and chose to befriend him.

"What are you doing?" He asked when you sat down next to the glass for the first time.

"I want to talk to you. Is there something wrong with that?" You smiled.

"Really? You want to talk to the big scary monster?" He mocked. "Why?"

"Because maybe you're not as evil as some people, including you, think. I think we have some things in common actually." He tsked at you and turned away, causing you to giggle in response. "If you don't want to talk, then that's okay. Just want you to know that I'm gonna come by a lot and it'd be a lot less boring if we did talk."

You then sat there for about an hour in silence. The next day you came back and did the same thing: sitting down with a smile in silence for a while before you'd leave again. You did it almost every day for three weeks before he finally did talk. "Why in Valhalla are you here again? What do you want from me?!"

"Not much. Just a conversation. Someone to talk to." You ignored his demanding tone and gently smiled.

"Why? People don't just want to have a conversation with me, so what do you really desire?!" He stomped over to the glass and glared at you.

"I don't like it when people feel lonely. I know what that's like, and I'm guessing it's something you had to deal with for a long time too. I don't see what's so bad about just talking."

He looked you up and down, both skeptical and curious. "What do you mean by you being lonely?"

You then talked to him almost every day. You told him about how your parents were ashamed of you for being born with your powers, and how you were always in the shadows of your siblings because they were normal. You both told each other a lot of stuff, and seeing you soon became the best part of his day.

One day Thor went to check up on his brother to see how mad he still was. This is when he saw you two. You were talking very animatedly, telling a story of some kind, and Loki was standing with his hands behind his back and a smile on his face. Thor then heard something he hadn't in a long time. He heard Loki burst into laughter.

"Am I interrupting something?" Thor asked as he came out of his corner.

You stopped what you were doing and looked at Thor. "Oh, no not at all. We were just talking. You two could talk now, I should actually have started on my paperwork sooner. I'll see you tomorrow Loki. Bye Thor."

Loki gave you a tight smile and a wave as you left. A frown replaced it once you were out of sight. "What is it now Thor?"

"I didn't know you were so well acquainted with Lady y/n." Thor smiled wide.

"Must you know everything about my life?" He bit back, though deep down he was happy that you didn't go blabbing your friendship with him to everyone. It made him feal like your friendship with him was real and not made by SHIELD to lower his guard.

"You seem smitten brother. She's a fair lady, with a good heart and a strong spirit."

"You don't need to be telling me things I already know brother!" He snapped, instantly regretting how that came out.

Thor paused, but his smile remained the same. "Maybe it's about time you left this cell. With supervision, of course. It is possible to pull some strings and have y/n be the one to supervise you." Of course Thor rooted for his brother, not that you knew.

By next week, you were in front of a crowd to watch Loki be release. Once he stepped out, he looked at you nervously, wondering if you'd be afraid of him now that nothing physically separated you two.

You smiled brightly and ran up to him instead, giving him a warm hug. You didn't care who or how many were watching. After a moment of hesitation, he reciprocated.

Pretty soon he didn't have to be supervised by you, and became an Avenger. Mainly for you. He had what midgaurdians would call a crush on you, as did you, but neither of you fessed up. This brings you to today, where you have to dress as a burlesque dancer and perform for a mission, which Loki hated.

"Loki, please. It's for the mission." His anger was starting to get you upset. "You know I have to do this. This is how I can help. Besides, I can really only be a either a freak or eye candy. There's no in between for me."

You averted his gaze, and he held up your chin to look you in the eye. "I only see you as a hero."

You put your hands on his shoulders and gently smiled. "You always know what to say to me." He returned the smile. "But I'm still doing it."

"You don't even want to actually do it!"

"Sometimes a hero needs to do something they don't like, for the greater good. Now I'm doing it no matter what and it'd mean a lot if I had some support from you."

He huffed. "Very well then. I just don't want someone to try and take advantage of you."

"You know I can handle myself. Me and Wanda have similar powers." He sighed and pulled you in for a hug, before letting you go and walking you outside to where the cars were waiting for you.

"I'm coming as well." Loki stated as he went into the car with you and Tony.

"And why is that?" Tony asked.

"Because you mortals don't know how to defend yourselves properly."

Tony huffed. "Just use your magic and don't be yourself."

As the three cars pulled up to the burlesque lounge around the back, you got out to hug the owner. "Hey Tess. Thanks again for letting me do this."

"Of course sweetheart. Anything for the neighbor who let me borrow some rent money. C'mon, let's get you dressed and ready."

Loki used magic to make himself unrecognizable, and sat at the same table as Tony, who was playing off as old him who just wanted to get drunk and pick up women. Wanda and Natasha were both waitresses, while everyone else hid and waited for their cue.

(This is what I picture as the outfit:)

After Tess did your makeup and had you in a costume, you waited to get on stage. In truth, you were nervous. Not because a rich man selling alien tech was about to watch you, and probably call you over. Not because you had to lead that dangerous man on in order to imprison him under wraps. You were nervous for Loki to see you like this.

It was time, and two other girls ushered you on stage with them. You went over this multiple times with them, and had the song and dance memorized by heart. The curtains rose and your performance began. You had no time to be nervous, because right now you had to become a performer.

Loki and Tony waited for you to come out on stage, having eyes on the man. "You excited to see your girlfriend come out on stage?"

"Tony." Steve said over the earpiece.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Loki scowled.

"Well, y'know, how you hover over her whenever she's doing something by herself and all. You'd figure that the two of you would be more than just friends."

"Tony leave it alone." Steve warned.

Loki glared away from him. "I came here because I was worried she was in incapable hands. You were the one who forced this idea upon her, were you not?"

"Look pal, at the end of the day, it was her choice. Nobody was going to force her to do anything. You just want an excuse to be around her; you want to swoop in and save the day. She lets you stick to her because kindness is her weakness, and you know it."

He snapped his head towards Tony. "Has it ever occurred to you that I'm around her because she makes me want to show kindness? Is it really wrong that I want to protect one of the very few people to actually care for me in my life?"

Wanda passed by the table to give them new drinks. "Really Tony, maybe it's not a bad thing that they're so close. Let them be friends."

Tony didn't have time to respond before the curtains went up and your show was starting. And what a show it was. None of them have seen you showing that much skin, and you were known for getting into your undercover character, so you were just really giving it your all.

Loki was astonished. He couldn't take his eyes off you. You were so beautiful. You had shared your insecurities with him about your body and yourself, but all he saw was perfection. You were perfection.

Soon your performance was over and you went to the bar to sit down. That was when he got up and sat down right next to you. They told you that the man had a type for girls who looked like you, and ones with innocent personalities.

Loki saw that you gave him a cute smile and giggled when he said something. All too soon you began to follow him up to the VIP lounge. He watched you happily walk up the stairs in front of him where he checked out your ass, and into a room where the doors closed. A few minutes later, everybody was signaled.

"Alright sweetheart, sit down on a couch." When you entered, the big room was aligned with body guards, guns in hand.

"Mkay." You gave him another smile. "What are we gonna do?"

He chuckled. "What do you want to do?"

"Mm, I don't know, but can you have your men lower their guns please? It's making me a little nervous."

One of his men whispered something to him, causing him to nod and face you. "How are you not getting scared mindless from all these men with guns sweetheart? That's awfully suspicious."

"I've seen my fair share violence. I might be a little used to it but that doesn't mean I like it." You gave him a pout. "Please put the guns away."

"Sweetheart, I like you, I really do, but no. My men don't back down for anyone. Now I'm not saying their suspicious of you, it's just in case for anyone else."

You heard from your earpiece that they took down everybody in the back. You sighed and got up. "Well that's a shame. I really thought I was getting into character."

You put up all their guns in the air, and flung it to the back wall. "You bitch! What the hell are you?"

"Do you have a problem with people that have powers? Is it because you feel powerless around them? Do you feel smaller than me right now?" You grinned.

"Shut up!"

"It's okay. As someone you have to look up to, it's only fair if I give you advice to cope with the fact that you're not special at all." He lunged at you, and you used your powers to slam him to the ceiling and drop him back to the floor, causing him to knock out. Everybody stared at you in shocked silence. "What? You can't tell me he wasn't being a creeper."

Everybody else then busted the door open to fight with all the men lined up. Loki appeared next to and gave you a warm smile, handing you his two blades. "Care to show me if you were actually listening to my teachings?"

You nodded and fought the guy charging at you. In a few moments you were standing over his unconscious body, and turned to Loki. "Did I do it right?"

"You excelled little one." His smile became a little wider.

"C'mon Loki I'm not even that short!" He laughed and put your cap over your eyes. You fixed it and gave him a pout. "You owe me Taco Bell now. I hope you're happy."

As the two of you walked to Taco Bell later on in the night, Loki conjured his fur cape and put it over your shoulders to keep you warm. "Why didn't you just get me a jacket?" You chuckled.

"Because... This will keep you warmer than some cheap jacket you own." He regretted saying it as soon as it came out. He hoped you didn't notice how heated his face felt.

You only laughed and shook your head. "Ouch!" You playfully pushed his shoulder gently. "We need to work on our wording."

"What I meant was that I want you to stay as warm as possible. I'm a naturally cold person so I don't know how to make you feel better." Loki blurted out. You smiled as he held open the door for you. Luckily there was nobody else inside since it was the middle of the night, and he wouldn't have to endure stares.

"Thank you Loki. Always considerate." You got to the cashier. "Hi! Can I have a number 10 with iced tea please?" He smiled at you and nodded, inputting your order. "What are you gonna get Trickster?"

"Just 2 hard shelled tacos please." He caught you snickering. "Why do you always laugh when I say that word?"

"What? You have a British accent, how can I not laugh when you say tacos? It's just so funny." You giggled as he huffed.

Just then three girls came inside, and laid their eyes on Loki. One of the girls whispered something before making her way to him as the other two watched and chuckled. "Hey! You're Loki right? Thor's brother?"

You and him glanced at each other. He hated it when people addressed him just as Thor's brother. He's his own person. "That is correct, yes. Is there a problem?"

"Of course not! Y'know I was so happy when it came out that you weren't evil. You were just being controlled, which I could tell deep in my heart. With a face like yours, I knew you weren't bad!"

She wrapped her arms around him, clearly invading more than one boundaries. Loki tried to gently push her off. "It would be of great service if you would please back up a bit."

She gave him a pout, "Why? Don't you wanna talk some more?"

"I'd rather not." He pushed her gently, and she stumbled a bit on her foot before putting her hands on Loki's shoulders.

"Y'know, I'll just be straight forward. It's on my bucket list to hook up with an Avenger, and right now I feel like the both of us can have a fun night."

"In Odin's name, no! I don't indulge myself with pure and utter harlotry. And besides, I'm with a friend right now."

She then looked at you, scowling. "Her? Really? Some girl having you buy fast food in the middle of the night for her? It's not like she needs any more food."

She looked you up and down. You frowned, wrapping your arms around your stomach. The cashier was ticked off from watching this. "Then what are you doing here?" He mumbled.

Loki pushed her arms away from him forcefully. "Don't talk about her like that! Leave, now." There was so much command in his voice, and it scared all three girls out of the Taco Bell.

The cashier looked at you hugging yourself. "Don't worry about people like her." He told you. I've seen thirsty people like that a lot more in this Taco Bell than you might think actually." He offered you a smile, and you gave him a half-hearted laugh.

"Thanks. It was nice meeting you." You said quietly, weakly smiling as you and Loki left.

You both walked in silence on the way to your apartment. Soon you took off the cape and handed it to Loki. "Y/n, are you–"

"I'm not cold." You said blankly. He didn't press, simply nodding as he made the cape disappear. You then made it to the steps of the apartment complex. "Good night."

You began to walk upstairs, but Loki grabbed your wrist. "What about your food?" He held up the bag.

You shrugged. "Not hungry anymore."

Loki stepped closer. "Let me in the apartment. We need to talk and I prefer we do it in private." You didn't want to get him upset so you weakly nodded, walking up the stairs together and into your small apartment. Loki shut the door. "Why are you upset?"

"I'm not–"

"You're not a liar, so don't become one. Now why are you upset?"

"Because what happens when you realize that girl's right? I mean, you saw my body today! I can't even try to hide it anymore since you've seen basically everything. I just feel like sooner or later you'll realize that I'm nothing special and eventually get bored or sick of me and–"

"Stop talking." He said as he grabbed your arms.

"Okay." You squeaked.

He then brought you in for a hug. "Love, how many times must I tell you to stop thinking so poorly of yourself? You know I don't see you that way, and never will. That woman was just... What the nice cashier man said... She was, um, thirsty."

You giggled, wrapping your arms around him. "Do you even know what that means?" You asked.

"A person who does bawdy actions to get someone to bed them?" He asked as he looked down curiously at you.

You smiled. "Yeah actually."

He drew his eyes to your lips, his thumb stroking your bottom lip. "I think you're the most gorgeous woman in all the nine realms. Everything about you draws me in. Not just your amazing looks, but your light aura, your laugh, your kindness and how genuine you are with me. How can anybody not love you?"

You looked up at him, shocked, and didn't say anything. You gently grabbed his wrist to move his hand away and stood on your toes to give him a short, soft kiss. You two looked at each other in silence before he grabbed your face and pulled you into a passionate kiss. Your lips fit so well with his, so right. This felt right.

He titled his head to deepen the kiss, licking your bottom lip as a request. You opened your mouth a little wider to let him slip his tongue into your mouth. He eventually left wet kisses on your jaw and trailed it down to your neck, nipping slightly. When you felt his hands feel under your shirt, you grabbed his arms to stop him. He pulled back immediately.

"Please forgive me! I don't know what came over me. I violated your trust and–"

"Loki, stop talking." You copied after him. You gave him a peck on the lips. "You're fine. I have really strong feelings for you, and you have no idea how happy I am right now. But I want to savour this. I want to take it slow."

"You do?" He looked at you sceptically. You excitedly nodded and grinned. He brought you in for a big hug. "I've never been wanted this way before. The feeling is intoxicating."

"That's just you feeling really happy. And you know you're always wanted with me." You gave him a bunch of pecks on the face, feeling the rumble of his chuckling. "C'mon, let's eat our food."

#loki (marvel) #loki laufeyson #loki imagine #marvel fanfiction #marvel #marvel loki #loki marvel #loki mcu #mcu loki #loki odinson #loki odison x reader #loki odinson x reader #loki odinson x you #loki odinson x y/n #loki layfeyson x reader

[nothingbutfangirlsmut]

The Girl Out of Time

Pairing: Bucky x Reader and Sam x Reader

Background: Willow Roffe was born and raised in Brooklyn. She lived her life as happily as she could with her two childhood best friends Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. When they both left her to join the military she tried to continue with life but that didn't get to happen for her for the simple fact that she meant something to James Buchanan Barnes.

Rating: Story will be overall MATURE but not every chapter. There will be strong language, talk of both mental and physical abuse, some good ole angst, and smut. There will be a warning at the beginning of the chapter when it includes smut.

Chapter 31

It felt like an eternity had passed before anyone had showed up. I was bouncing my knees nervously while watching out the windshield of the jet. It was Steve and James who ran into the hangar. T'challa was hot on their heels but so was Nat. I watched as Nat exchanged a few quick words with them then turned to face T'challa.

Steve and James ran onto the deck of the jet. Steve took the pilot seat next to me while James sat behind Steve. We all strapped in quickly since I already had everything ready for them. Just as Steve started to lift the jet off the ground I saw T'challa push past Nat then jump towards the jet. He must have missed because I didn't see or hear anything. Steve took off soaring quickly over the airport. I glanced to the side seeing Rhodey coming up beside us.

"Rhodey" I said aloud.

Steve glanced in my direction immediately noticing Rhodey flying next to us. He grabbed the handle shoving it upwards. The force pushed me back in my seat as we accelerated leaving Rhodey and the airport behind us.

"Where's Sam?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.

Steve sighed as he glanced back to James.

"He sacrificed himself so Buck and I could make it to the jet." Steve answered quietly.

I didn't dare ask anything else. I didn't want to know. I knew Sam wasn't dead. Tony and the others would have never went that far but I didn't want to know what was going to happen to Sam, Clint, Wanda, and the new guy. I had to keep my mind clear. For now at least.

Most of the trip was silent unless James was giving some kind of directions to Steve. It wasn't until we finally reached the snow capped mountains that James sighed.

"What's gonna happen to your friends?" He asked Steve quietly.

Steve was the one to sigh this time.

"Whatever it is, I'll deal with it." Steve said simply.

I could see the hesitation in his eyes. He didn't want to say he hoped he could deal with it which was probably closer to the truth.

"I don't know if I'm worth all this, Steve." James said guilt clear all over his face.

I turned around in my seat to face him. He was looking down like he couldn't bare to look at either of us.

"What you did, all those years, it wasn't you. You didn't have a choice." Steve told him with a glance backwards.

"I know. But I did it." James practically grumbled.

"James Buchanan Barnes stop it. You can sit there and drown in guilt and self pity for everything that happened or you can man up and do something to try to make up for it." I said sternly.

James looked surprised but Steve chuckled softly. James gave me a small smirk then nodded. I knew it wouldn't be that easy but I had to try. I knew James' guilt would be much harder to fix.

Before I knew it Steve was landing the jet next to some kind of snow mobile on top of one of the snow covered mountains. As soon as the jet was on the ground we were unstrapping ourselves. James and I were the first ones up. He was quick to pull open the hidden self that was intended for Natasha. He pulled out two guns handing one to me then taking one for himself. After closing the shelf back we met Steve at the bay door. He pressed the button making the door start to open slowly.

"Remember that time we had to ride back from Rockaway Beach in the back of that freezer truck?" Steve asked with a hint of a smile.

I didn't know the memory personally but the two of them had told me about that day. I had to stay home and help with Gracie that day.

"Was that the time we used our train money to buy hot dogs?" James asked with a smirk.

Steve chuckled softly.

"You blew three bucks trying to win that stuffed bear for a redhead." Steve corrected him.

A small wave of jealously swept over me at his words as James chuckled. I shook my head. That was way before any of this happened. No need to be jealous Willow.

"What was her name, again?" James asked.

"Dolores, you called her Dot." Steve shook his head.

"She's gotta be a hundred years old right now." James said softly.

"So are we pal." I told him with a small smile.

That made both men laugh and nod. We started down the ramp onto the snow and ice. The wind was wiping around us making me shiver. I was not dressed for snow. We walked a few feet away from the jet until we could see the entrance to the bunker. The door was clearly open.

"He can't have been here more than a few hours." Steve said with a slight unsure tone.

"Long enough to wake them up." James said simply.

A chill ran down my spine both from the cold and the thought of having to fight the guys James had described. We walked forward approaching the door hesitantly. James went inside first. His gun held up ready to fire. Steve was right behind him with his shield in hand. I took the rear keeping my gun as ready as I could.

We stepped into a small room with nothing but an old metal elevator. We got into the small space. I was crammed between both men with no room to move. The elevator moved quickly to my surprise. When it stopped Steve opened the metal cage barrier.

The building we stepped into was clearly old. Bits of the walls were chipped and cracked. Every surface was covered in dust and spider webs. Just the look of the place was eerie enough. We started up a small flight of stares. James leading, I was in the middle, and Steve took the rear. Just as James reached the top step a loud thud echoed through the building. All three of us whipped around staring back towards the elevator. The door creaked loudly.

"You ready?" Steve asked as he crouched below us.

His shield was covering most of his body. My gun was raised ready to fire. James' gun was aimed right over my shoulder. The metal elevator door was slowly pried open. When I saw who it was I didn't know how to feel. Should I be relieved or even more terrified?

The full head to tow Iron Man suit stepped into the hallway. He stopped then the face mask disappeared revealing the face of Tony Stark.

"You seem a little defensive." He said in his usual sarcastic tone.

"Its been a long day." Steve sighed.

None of us moved. We each kept our weapons at the ready and our eyes trained on Stark.

"At ease, soldiers. I'm not currently here for him." Tony said gesturing to James.

"Then why are you here?" Steve asked sternly.

Tony walked forward a few steps.

"Could be your story's not so crazy. Maybe. Ross has no idea I'm here. I'd like to keep it that way. Otherwise, I gotta arrest myself." Tony explained shrugging nonchalantly.

Steve stepped towards Tony caustiously.

"Well, that sounds like a lot of paperwork." Steve told him.

Tony scoffed playfully. Steve lowered his shield. I followed Steve's lead lowering my gun but James kept his aimed over my shoulder.

"Its good to see you, Tony." Steve said softly with a nod.

"You too, Cap." Tony smiled.

Tony then turned toward James and I.

"Hey, Manchurian Candidate, you're killing me. There's a truce here. You can drop-" Before Tony could finish Steve raised his hand towards James.

James instantly lowered his gun. The four of us made our way through the dusty building trying to find the man behind all of this and hopefully not a handful of murderous winter soldiers. The further in we went the worse the place looked. It certainly seemed something had happened here. Panels of glass were broken and shattered. Some had indents of bodies. We made our way down a narrow hall which opened up into a much larger room. Lights flickered on almost immediately illuminating several chambers like the ones I had been found in. They all hissed faintly as smoke drifted out from them. As far as I could see none of the soldiers had been woken up. Not yet at least.

"If its any comfort, they died in their sleep." A voice echoed over what sounded like a speaker.

We stepped further into the room to inspect the chambers. I noticed the small bullet holes right away. One hole in the glass and another in the man's forehead. He killed them? All of them?

"Did you really think I wanted more of you?" The voice questioned.

"What the hell?" James asked under his breath.

"I'm grateful to them, though. They brought you here." The voice said.

A small light flicked on in the back of the room illuminating the face of the doctor. Steve reacted instantly throwing his shield at him. All it did was make a loud thud then come flying right back at the Captain.

"Please, Captain. The Soviets built this chamber to withstand the launch blast of UR-100 rockets." The doctor chuckled.

We all started slowly walking towards his illuminated face.

"I'm betting I could beat that." Tony told him confidently.

"Oh, I'm sure you could, Mr. Stark. Given time. But then you'd never know why you came." He smiled sinisterly.

"You killed innocent people in Vienna just to bring us here?" Steve asked in disbelief.

Steve walked ahead of us putting himself only inches from the glass the doctor was hiding behind.

"I've thought about nothing else for over a year. I studied you. I followed you. But now that you're standing here, I just realized, there's a bit of green in the blue of your eyes." The man said coldly then chuckled.

I stood next to James with my gun raised just like his. I tried hard not to let my confusion show on my face. I didn't understand this situation at all.

"How nice to find a flaw." He added.

"You're Sokovian. Is that what this is about?" Steve asked him.

"Sokovia was a failed state long before you blew it to hell. No. I'm here because I made a promise." He sneered at the Captain.

"You lost someone?" Steve asked.

"I lost everyone. And so will you." He spat.

A screen like an old computer monitor clicked on behind Steve. We all turned to face it.

"An empire toppled by its enemy can rise again. But one which crumbles from within? That's dead. Forever." He said menacingly.

The screen was static for a moment then showed a survelliance video of an old dirt road. Tony and I stepped closer to it.

"I know that road." Tony whispered.

He turned to the doctor.

"What is this?" He shouted.

I jumped slightly as a car suddenly appeared on screen as it crashed. A second later a motorcycle came onto the screen. The rider got off the bike as the driver's door opened. The biker effortlessly pulled open the trunk of the car. The driver, an older man with silver hair fell to his knees in the dirt. He started to crawl towards the other man.

"Please, help my wife." He begged weakly then coughed.

The biker stepped over to the man grabbing him by the hair of his head then pulled his face back for the camera to see. A small gasp escaped me. That was Howard Stark. A much older Howard Stark but it was him no doubt about it. Tony's entire body went ridged next to me.

"Sergeant Barnes" Howard croaked in shock.

My heart stopped as Tony's head snapped over to James. He was standing with his head hung low. He already knew what this was.

"Howard" a woman's voice cried.

I closed my eyes turning from the screen as James began to punch Howard in the face repeatedly. I only opened my eyes again when I heard the woman scream for Howard. James put the body back in the driver's seat then made his way to the woman on the other side. I felt the tears fall down my cheeks as I watched him choke the life out of her. Then he simply shot out the camera and the video ended.

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