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ixiot-ghostrebel · 6 months

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Hey I hope you have a great day.

So I just saw the post with the wrath of the creator on Azar and I had an idea.

I am very emotional and I bailed my eyes out when I did the chasm quest with xiao and he nearly died AND I got a sad cutscene of the adepti after so my traveler was just stuck in the dialog with Xiao while I was crying a whole waterfall and sniffing really loudly and the only other quest where I had that was when we were in the chasm with dain and he tells us that the hillichurls are cursed people from Khanri'ah. I stood in front of the corpses and cried heart out.

So I wanted to ask the characters reactions to that. Especially Xiao, the archons we know (because khanri'ah and its destruction is a big thing here) and dainsleif.

I'm sorry this got so long. If you want to change something or want to add someone or take a character out it's okay, this is just my 5 am thought I just had.

Alr, Anon! Coming right up! Imma just focus on the Perilous Quest lol-

Creator Having A Meltdown During Perilous Quest

(Warning: Might Be OOC & Spoilers to the Perilous Archon Quest!)

Yelan

She wasn't going to lie, she wasn't expecting you to cry your heart out so freely. Raw emotion was hard to come by when people grow. They tend to be more...seclusive, with their emotions.

You, on the other hand, were free-balling it. You did NOT care if people were gonna look at you weird, you are gonna cry because you are sad! And honestly, Yelan's glad that the Almighty Creator is expressive and sentient. It proves just how much you care for the characters.

"It seems the Almighty Creator is far more connected than anyone thought..." She wonders what she can do with this information, but at the same time, keep it under wraps. Letting this information slip into the wrong hands was always dangerous.

She wouldn't gamble your safety. Never. Safe to say Yelan's got you covered.

Itto

Woah, woah! He did not expect you, the Almighty Creator, to be crying their eyes out the moment he wakes up from passing out and all that—what he miss? What happened while he was sleeping?

Wait, they're not in the Chasm anymore? Oh Archons, someone just tell him what happened! Why the heck is the Creator balling his eyes out?

"Huh—? What's going on? We're out of the chasm?" Poor guy is so oblivious, and no one's bothering to fill him in—at least, at the moment.

He'll pester Shinobu about this later. Just, someone, stop the Creator from crying! Those are sad tunes, not something you want to hear when you should be celebrating about leaving that gloomy place!

Yanfei

She was NOT expecting you to be this emotional! Yanfei feels a little guilty not being able to do anything about it, to be honest...

She has to resist the urge to shake Xiao out of his stupor, because a) that was unprofessional, b) she's more relieved than anything, and c) Yanfei wasn't sure if you, the Creator, would think she was okay if she started acting out like that.

So, instead, she tries to ground herself, and do her best to make sure that the situation is fine, and that everything will be okay. That's the least she can do to reassure you, and everyone else, right?

"Hopefully, Their Grace will stop those tears...Hearing them sad makes me feel sad..." As a lawyer, Yanfei knows how to sympathize with her clients. This, however, felt like she could really understand what you were going through—there was a bond between you and everyone.

She doesn't want to make you sad. That's one thing for sure. Yanfei wouldn't be able to sleep out of guilt otherwise.

Shinobu

She wasn't expecting you to be crying your heart out, but she loves how sentient you are. It shows just how you truly care about Xiao, and about everyone.

She really appreciates you. She can see how you connect with every character—how you cheer with everyone, cherish the moment with everyone, rejoice, and mourn. This was visible proof of it all.

"Hm...How should we comfort Their Grace..." Shinobu wants to do something—for the sake of the gang's gratitude for their Almighty Creator. And everyone here as well.

You contributed much of yourself for them. For that, she's grateful.

She'll have to explain to Boss later...but that's besides the point right now.

Xiao

He feels guilty for making you cry. He heard you call out his name several many times. He hears how you ball your eyes out, thinking you were gonna lose him, only for Rex Lapis to save him just in time.

He doesn't know if the Lord of Geo heard your divine prayers, or if he went on his own accord, but he feels guilty. He placed a heavy burden on you. He didn't mean to.

"How should I make it up to Their Grace..." He listens to how you scream and cry (out of joy now) that he was alive. You, the Almighty Creator, already connected yourself to someone like him. Your bond was too severe, and he tried to cut it off.

But the way the Traveler is smiling at them with a reassuring smile, Xiao wonders if he will be forgiven. Perhaps far quicker than he imagined.

Ghost Rebel Side Notes: This honestly feels too OOC—I don't really know Yelan's personality all that well, and honestly I don't think I caught the full potential of Yanfei, Itto, and Shinobu. I do hope you enjoyed this, but I'm also sorry if this came out disappointing.

✦ Check out The Ghost Rebel’s Blog Description & Info Page to See if Their Mailbox is Open! ✦

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justladders · 6 months

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Hello! I’m Ladders :)

I'm just here stylizing some fnaf characters and mostly drawing the evil green rabbit like an animated villain.

Basically, I always loved animated shows and movies. They're why I started drawing when I was little, and I still watch and pull ideas from that kind of stuff to this day. Classic Disney's my fav, so you might see me talking about it sometimes. Anyways, since villains are my favorite and since I've starting drawing fnaf stuff, it's mainly been art of Springtrap, which you'll see a lot here.

If you're ever just looking for my art, the tag is #laddersarts. More tag stuff at the bottom of the post. Also, love asks, but please be considerate about the ask box, ty.

Do not repost my art anywhere, even with credit. I'm fine with it being used for things like a profile picture/banner as long as it is credited.

vv FAQ / TAG GUIDE vv

Q: What art program do you use? Krita. It's free and it "works," which is all I ask for.

Q: Do you do commissions? This answer will change around: currently, no. I've been meaning to, honestly, but just haven't felt collected enough to make a comm sheet and whatnot. Hopefully I'll be able to update this soon though.

Q: What are your other socials? I currently don't have any others, so if you see my art somewhere else, it's stolen :)

Q: Why do you draw [insert character] like that? I normally get this question about Springtrap, but I like to make designs that lend themselves more to 2D animation, which means simplifying a lot of things and hopefully still being able to get the point across. Too much detail and it becomes complicated very quickly. Fnaf animatronics/characters lend themselves really nicely to stylization because of how simple in concept they are overall. They're also left up to a lot of different characterization potential, not just from their simple designs, but the fact that they don't really get super hard-established personalities. Basically, all of that comes together into me enjoying taking a base concept and turning it into something you could potentially see in some older hand-drawn cartoon. As far as *specific* choices for how I draw *specific* characters, I feel like those would each need their own posts especially for Springtrap since I draw him the most. I know I'll have to make that sometime.

Q: Can I draw fanart of your designs? Of course! I'd just like to be credited and tagged so I can see it and reblog it :D

Tag Guide laddersarts and not my art - arts that I post or ones that I reblog (my art tag is all stuff since I got back earlier this year, art before that I just tagged as "my art") justtalks and talkin disney - indulgent tangents justfrens - things from peeps I know and whatnot answered ask - stuff from the inbox goofies - silly stuff midnight magma things - arts from group canvas drawing fanart for me :0 - fanarts of my designs!!!!! :0 present for springtrap :) - ask series where y'all wanted to give Springtrap something nice (there's a line formed and I just get to them whenever I'm up for it, but feel free to add to it) alt springtrap - art of goofy alternate versions of Springtrap I make sometimes: there's currently Vamptrap, Mothtrap, Jackotrap, and ERRORtrap (suggestive, eyestrain, flashing, gore, and all that stuff some people might not want to see I will hopefully remeber to tag)

#pinned #pinned post

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freakadr0id · 2 years

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This has been sitting in the back of my mind since I first watched Rise, but it seems that the show hints at an underlying sadness to Donnie's character that appears very subtly over the course of both seasons.

(Long post after the cut)

I feel like Donnie longs for a normal, human life to some degree. It isn't a major part of his character but it's there. Maybe he doesn't exactly want to be human, but there are a few signs that Donnie wants, at the very least, a human experience.

We see a few nods to this throughout the show:

He has a knowledge and love of fashion and appearance, something he, as a mutant turtle, wouldn't need to know or care about. Sure, his brothers wear clothes several times in the show as well, but they don't seem to have as much of an interest or passion as Donnie.

In 'The Purple Jacket' Donnie initially wanted to fit in with the Purple Dragons, a human group of teens at a human school (although it was mostly for the jacket).

I mean, this is a boy who wants to actually go to school and even graduate college but we know that, realistically, he can't do either.

Seriously, just look at how happy he is to be at April's school!

Hell, he draws eyebrows on his mask for goodness sake. Yes, from a meta standpoint this is mostly for the sake of his character design since he would look really fucking stupid without them, but the key to any good character design is to have an in-universe reason for it as well. While some people headcanon that Donnie does this to better convey his emotions (which is totally valid and I kind of agree), I also think this could also be a way for him to seem just a bit more human.

I'm not saying this is a defining element of Donnie's character - IT ISN'T. Our boy Donnie is confident in his intelligence, his skills as a scientist and an inventor, and who he is as a person overall - he doesn't want to change those things about himself. However, it is possible that maybe some small, quiet part of Donnie still longs for the things he could experience if he was a human, as opposed to a mutant turtle.

Hopefully, I'm not the only one who sees this because I think there are interesting things you could do with this part of his character - especially when you consider his closer friendship with April and the potential isolation he feels with his brothers.

I don't know, maybe this is just me overthinking things or looking for angst where there is none, however, this little thread of Donnie's character appeared often enough in the show to at least acknowledge it.

#yeah I'm not sure how I feel about this post #I might be crazy here #and maybe I'm grasping at straws #but I noticed it enough in the show that I just HAD to mention it #Rise also reinforces it visually by constantly framing and pairing april and Donnie together #and planting the idea that Donnie has a closer association with humans in the mind of the audience #BUUTTT #I still think it would be super fun to explore more of this in fanon and canon #we're getting that season 3 I'm sure of it #(they said in complete denial)#Just think about it #he is a softshell turtle who likely feels that he's different from his brothers #if you consider those insecurities #it makes his subtle longing for humanity and the human experience that much more interesting #maybe someone with better writing skills than me can play with this idea a bit more #*hint hint*#and who knows #this could be an established part of Donatello's character in TMNT already #Rise is the only TMNT thing I've seen so I have no idea #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt donatello #rise donnie #rise donatello #analysis #character analysis #rottmnt analysis

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crisiscutie · 3 months

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Sephiroth's mental breakdown was nailed perfectly. The raw emotions and him realizing Gast was no better than Hojo... Oh man... Rebirth is gonna be amazing

Game isn't even out and it's already one of my favorite scenes. The music. The buildup to it. THE JENOVA CLOSEUPS. The superb voice acting. (yes, I think Tyler Hoechlin does a fine job)

The only thing that seemed iffy was cutting out some of Sephiroth's monologue about the Cetra and traitor thing.

And you know what, I like Rebirth's slight retcon. In this version, it's much more about Sephiroth, providing a clearer understanding of why he succumbed to darkness. This man and boy (since young Sephiroth is his inner child that's always with him) finally discovered the ugly "truth" about the twisted experiments that made him and the other monsters. He always wondered about his purpose, and this was it. All those years of abuse and exploitation... were done at his expense because he's a monster. The few people that did love and support him? No, no such thing. They're no different from his tormentors. He felt so alone and lost.

The Nibelheim Incident is pretty much his trauma reaching a breaking point. I can see how difficult it was for some to discern for some this nuance in the OG (and even in CC) because they focused more on Sephiroth developing an ego complex from more obviously, outdated information. This retcon is more closer to the truth, the only erroneous thing being that Jenova was an ancient. It's an amazing fix and does a great job in humanizing Sephiroth. I absolutely loved how they used the Jung Shadow. I'm a psychology nerd. You basically watched the death scene of Sephiroth's old identity, especially notice how prominent his shadow is. It's meant to show his inner conflict and then his transformation.

He became exactly what he never wanted to be.

Anyways, another thing to note: what was a bit weird in the original game and the compilation is the strange shift in Sephiroth's beliefs and motivations. At first, he believed himself to be a Cetra and had a divine right to rule over the planet. Then, he transitions to wanting to destroy the planet at the beginning of FF7, seemingly abandoning any claims to Cetra heritage. We know why his motivations changed, but it feels odd not getting more expansion on it after they just suddenly threw that bit of information at us. I believe this retcon should help smooth out that awkward transition. It's a great feeling that one item from my wish/check list might be addressed.

And you know another thing I fucking loved Rebirth's portrayal of the Nibelheim Incident? They didn't back off from Sephiroth's villainy and sadism. I already made a post about it here, but holy fuck. He is out for blood. Everyone and everything in his path had to suffer, just like he did. They don't deserve to continue to live life so happy and normal.

Sephiroth really did not deserve any of the shit he was put through, but that will never not excuse the atrocities he committed in Nibelheim. I was honestly scared to see how the writers would humanize Sephiroth, but so far, they seem to do a great job of it. Hopefully, the full game can keep it up.

The demo still has some issues with Sephiroth and how the gameplay works, though.

#sephiroth #ff7 sephiroth #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #crisis cutie #ffvii #ffvii rebirth #c.c theories #c.c's theories #ffviir #my gifs

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kineticallyanywhere · 4 months

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Matt "I can and will remind everyone that Link is REALLY wierd about Normal with like no real explination at this point" Arnold out here like "let me see if I can underminine my entire point in this character arc defining interaction" and I unironically love him for it Link is SUCH a messy b word rn

(this turned into a long response, let's talk Fascinating Character Flaws!)

I dont think it's so much that he's weird about Normal, if I'm understanding what you mean by 'weird', especially in this episode. I feel like it circles back to what I keep thinking about, which is his newest teen fact. the one where he-- does this count as poisoning? he made other children ill in a fit of jealousy for anyone having any time with his dads.

listen, I've had many homeschooled friends. At one point in college I was the "actually went to public school" member of the friend group. People can go in and out of homeschooling and be... not whatever the heck Link has going on. I was excited for him when that fact started, like, "oh he was part of a cohort!" until uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!

(the following are thoughts that I'm still developing in my head as I type and probably after I post)

whether it's due to the overprotective parenting or just Link's nature or a Symptom of a Condition (op has their own Condition but is not a psychologist) Link's got an issue with like. not getting what he wants? not usually in super obvious ways, it's not spelled out, he doesn't throw tantrums or anything. unless you count the thing at Normal about Normal not wanting to do "cool plans." and most of the time he doesn't want anything complicated, his wants have been pretty straight forward and in line with what anyone would want in these circumstances. he wants people to not die is the big major one, he wants to not feel betrayed again, he wants his friends to stop fighting, he wants to get this over with NOW. and he's been going through so much of not getting what he wants (COMPLETELY REASONABLE THINGS TO WANT, IN THIS CASE. TRAUMATIC THINGS TO NOT GET) that he seems to not know what he wants at all anymore.

like, his understanding of the world has been rocked so bad that he's pretty sure all those things I just listed just aren't things he can have. in the past whenever he needled his parents or acted out or did certain things he'd get what he wanted. not to say that he's spoiled but uh... okay yeah I am saying that a bit. but mostly in the ways that it keeps him from developing the coping mechanisms for when you ask something from life and it punches you in the teeth instead.

So in a world where he doesn't know how to get what he wants and maybe he isn't sure what he even can want, he's kinda just shutting down internally. In the mean time, he may as well make sure his friends get what they want, and then maybe at some point he'll want something again. so, in a way, what he wants is to feel and want something, so that "wants what he wants" part of him snapped out again at Normal with "well at least you're feeling something." in other words, "you have the thing that I want right now, and I'm gonna sound pretty bitter about not having it myself" which is an effed up thing to say when that thing he's having is a mental breakdown.

Link. Buddy. Bud. Kiddo. Pal. you need Help.

tl;dr and conclusion: imo for their mental health the party should split into Link & Taylor and Scary & Normal again for an episode or two. Norm and Scary for hopefully obvious reasons; and Link and Taylor because while Taylor is unquestionably a rich kid spoiled for material goods who is very good at wanting things, he is also a kid who's mom knows how to say "No. Absolutely Not. Give me the knife right now I don't care what seppuku is" and who's dad left an emotional void for over a decade that he is clearly adept in coping with and he could give Link some pointers.

also because it would be a cool callback and parallel to early episodes to do those pairs again. see how they've changed and stuff

#didn't mean for this to get so long #or to read taylor for filth at the end there lol sorry taylor youre perfect #literally was self analyzing what my pet peeve is with each pc earlier #(which isn't a bad thing; thats a rounded character right there)#and i got to taylor and went 'hes perfect no notes' lol #cast darkness again kiddo i believe in you #anyway this helped me figure out my understanding of link so thank you anon!#though im still not sure i properly understand what you meant by link being weird around normal #hes been weird around everyone; i think; normal just talks the most #dndads #dndads 2 #dndads spoilers #link liwilson #ask ka #me talking

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iamcautiouslyoptimistic · 6 months

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Call of Duty Werewolves🐺 - Part 2!

{Author's Note} Since y'all loved the first part so much, here's a second for you to enjoy! I've included more lore and some cute werewolf snippets for each of the characters I mentioned in the first post so hopefully I managed to write them all accurately. I'll probably do a fic for one of them at some point so let me know who you'd like to see! Thank you for all the love and please feel free to write/ask for more headcanons for this AU! I'm having so much fun with it❤️ Happy Halloween! 🎃🧟‍♂️👻 >Call of Duty Werewolf AU -> Part 1 >Shadow Company Snippet by @http-paprika -> SC Werewolf AU (she's also writing her own werewolf AU fic so go give it some love👀)

~ ~ ~

>Werewolves have fangs in both forms. The human canines are replaced by longer, sharper teeth when natural werewolves lose their baby teeth. In bitten werewolves, the human canines are pushed out within their first month of being turned. While in human form, only the sharper tips are visible, resulting in fanged smiles (just imagine your favorite boy flashing you a fanged grin👀). When transforming, the teeth extend from the gums as the muzzle forms.

>Werewolf hair and nails grow faster and are usually thicker, requiring more frequent trimming, especially after a transformation.

>Werewolves heal faster than their human counterparts. Cuts heal in a few minutes, broken bones take days rather than weeks. Most tissues can be fully regenerated, except for entire limbs. The canine teeth will always be replaced if lost.

>Bones and muscles are thicker and heavier than those of humans, resulting in increased strength and stamina.

>Werewolves digest meat more easily than humans and prefer carnivorous diets. It's healthier for them to consume more meat on a regular basis.

>Werewolf senses are far more acute than humans'. They have great night vision and colors are more vivid to them, as if the saturation has been increased. Their enhanced hearing, however, can be problematic and a werewolf will often have to learn how to tune out certain sounds so they're not completely overwhelmed. Scent is also important to them as it denotes health, emotional state, and belonging. Familiar smells offer comfort, whether they belong to people, places, or things.

>While transformed, werewolves can't really speak. The fangs and muzzle tend to prevent intelligible human speech. On the other hand, their unique vocal cords allow for animalistic grunts and growls, even in human form.

>Transformations will always be painful for both werewolf types. With practice, the process can become smoother and faster but it will always have a pinch, especially as the face changes. Heightened emotions can trigger the beginnings of the change, though it takes a conscious effort to completely transform, unless a werewolf is suffering from moon blindness. Bitten werewolves tend to be more reactive but transform more slowly as it takes longer for their bodies to get used to the shift in comparison to natural werewolves, who are specially built for it from birth.

>A werewolf's transformed state is so dependent on their human traits that they don't always look very wolfish. Some can look like coyotes, foxes, or even bears because of differing body types, features, and hair colors.

>Poisonous to humans, wolfsbane also has an adverse effect on werewolves. It clouds their senses and prevents them from transforming but it won't kill them. It's often used to control a werewolf and keep them in line. However, it can also be mixed into a poultice to treat wounds caused by silver.

>Silver causes mild allergic reactions in werewolves. It only becomes fatal when enough of it pierces the skin and enters the bloodstream, which is why hunters lace their weapons and bullets with silver. Despite this, many werewolves still revere the metal for its association with the Moon.

🌙 🐺 🌙

💲Price is the fluffiest. His iconic beard remains when he's transformed, making him easily recognizable, though he has been mistaken for a bear in the past. If you laugh at that fact, he'll simply huff in feigned annoyance and lay on top of you to prevent you from escaping. Being a natural werewolf, not only does he have more hair but Price's transformations are about as easy as they can be so he'll often use his time with you to relax and catch up on sleep. He sleeps the most soundly when you're cuddled into his chest or back, your face pressed to his fluffy mane. He loves hearing about how much you love his fluff and secretly takes pride in it.

💀Ghost is the biggest. As a 6'4 mountain of a man, he's even larger when transformed. It'll take some getting used to, especially when he transforms in your living space. If you try to make the area more comfortable for him, he'll be especially grateful for your effort. More than anything, he'll just want to be close and feel your touch. His body aches after he transforms and he's more easily overwhelmed so the gentleness of your hands helps him settle into this second shape. No matter how many times you've seen him transformed, he'll always feel some degree of shame around you so make sure he knows just how adored he is.

🧼Soap is the most playful. His transformations tend to energize him rather than exhaust him so expect him to be bouncing off the walls for a bit. If you match his energy level, he'll never let you go. He'll want to chase you and wrestle around but he's hyper-aware of his own strength so any change in your attitude will make him settle down. Once he's burned through that extra energy, he'll just want to listen to you ramble about anything that comes to mind, even if he can't really respond.

🧢Gaz is the sweetest. In the field, he’s known for his level-headedness and clever quips. When he gets home, he’s nothing but a big softie with you. His favorite place to be is in your lap, his wolfish head snuggled against your stomach as you card your fingers through his hair. To know that you accept and love this side of him warms his heart and he'll let you know just how happy it makes him with plenty of cuddles and kisses. He absolutely loves hearing you giggle and does just about anything he can to get that reaction from you.

🦿Alex is the most sensitive. All werewolves tend to be very in-tune with their surroundings, especially in the military, but Alex is even more so. His job as a secret agent of sorts has honed his ability to pick up on the tiniest changes in his environment and, when it comes to you, he's even more aware of your reactions. A slight change in your scent or heartbeat will immediately have him hurrying to your side to check in. More often than not, he can tell if he's actually needed but you're always grateful for his attentiveness and respond with a reassuring hand to his head or chest so he knows you're alright. When you're not, prepare for some inescapable werewolf cuddles.

🪦Graves is the most stubborn. As the Commander of Shadow Company, one of the most notorious groups of werewolves around, he's used to getting his way. When it comes to you, however, he tends to give in far more easily, especially so when he's transformed. A simple scratch around his ears or under his chin will make him melt in seconds and he'll never be able to resist when you run your fingers through the sandy blond hair covering his neck. The usually snarling and snapping werewolf commander will want nothing more than to hold you close, peppering your skin with gentle kisses and warm huffs of breath. Just don't let his Shadows know or he’ll withhold his cuddles.

🐺 🌙 🐺

*BONUS: Werewolf features! Thought it'd be fun to do short descriptions of how I imagine the boys! This includes height, eye color, and hair color for each of them. Pretty straightforward lol

💲Price - 6'2" -> 7'2" ; blue eyes ; brown hair w/ strands of gray

💀Ghost - 6'4" -> 7'4" ; brown -> yellow-amber eyes ; dirty blond/brown hair

🧼Soap - 5'10" -> 6'10" ; blue eyes ; dark brown hair

🧢Gaz - 5'11" -> 6'11" ; dark brown -> orange eyes ; black hair

🦿Alex - 6' -> 7' ; blue -> silvery-gray eyes ; light brown hair

🪦Graves - 6' -> 7' ; blue eyes ; sandy blond hair

#captain john price #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #alex keller #phillip graves #call of duty #cod #call of duty x reader #cod x reader #call of duty au #cod au #werewolf au #werewolf #werewolves #lycanthropy #Ren's writing #mine mine mine

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ahgasegotarmy116 · 7 months

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Rainy Days | Jeon Jungkook

Based off of Rainy Days by V (obvi lol) Summary: Rainy days I'm thinkin' 'bout you Pairing: f!reader x Jeon Jungkook Word Count: 1.5k~ a/n: This is my second time posting this because it didn't do too well the first time and I was really proud of it so I wanted to give it another shot. Hopefully some of you might give it a chance? Thank you for all of the new readers and thanks especially to the people who joined my Taglist!

Waking up to an empty bed again I'm hit with my new reality. You're gone, and nothing I could've said or done would've changed your mind. Checking my phone I've noticed that I'm always waiting for your call. One that might tell me that you changed your mind, that you're coming home.

One where you ask me to open the door, telling me you want to start over, but it never comes. It's been like this for weeks and yet I'm still reminded of your presence every damn day. Seeing memories of you in every inch of what used to be our home, now feeling incomplete with only myself to reside.

Walking into the kitchen, I'm flooded with the countless time I would find you there, bathed in sunlight dressed in one of my shirts and making us breakfast early in the morning. I would hold your waist from behind, receiving a scolding every time for scaring you. Going to rest and unwind I'm reminded of our nights together, feeling content because after a long and hard day just the thought of holding you close and hearing you laugh was one of the many things about you that would keep me going.

In my art studio, where you would sit as my model and let me keep you as my muse, tracing your every curve and keeping my eyes trained on you to memorize your soft features. On occasion you would find me in there painting something more abstract and that was something that made you laugh the most, saying how silly they looked. I would make them time and time again just to hear you laugh like that everyday.

No matter where I look you're always there, haunting my every thought. What I would give to go back to one of those moments again. To just be in your presence and feel your touch, with your lips on mine and hear you call out my name. Just one more time, one more time to prove myself to you.

But it would never work, no matter how many times I would ask you to come back so we could talk things out you would simply tell me that you don't love me anymore, that you've fallen out of love with me. That's the only excuse you've given me, nothing more, and nothing less. Telling me I did nothing wrong, that I'm still the same man you fell in love with, but that our life together just wasn't enough for you anymore.

I hear a notification come in and see that it's a text from a friend asking if I'll go out for drinks with him but I decline, knowing that it won't do me any good. No matter how many times he's offered, telling me it'll be good to get out and meet new people I always end up saying no. I've come to the conclusion that love just isn't for me, if it's not with you then it doesn't matter. Starting over with someone just seems pointless, spending years with someone, thinking they're the one to just be told that you're not enough. No, that's not something I want to happen to me again.

My attention is brought to the world outside my window, hearing the sounds of rain pitter pattering on the roof above me. Rainy days used to be our favorite, when we had no where to go and we could just stay inside all day. We would always crack a window just so we could hear the rain fall and the thunder rumble. Although you would tell me you weren't afraid, I would still catch you cuddling in closer when the thunder would sound and the lightning would light up the sky.

I thought we had gotten closer lately, that we began to understand each other better. But the day you told me it was over was the day that I realized that it was only me opening up to you, and you just pretended to listen. Thinking back I started to notice your blank stares more, how you would shut down telling me that you were too tired to talk today. Some days it felt like I was living with a stranger the way that you would move around the place avoiding me at every chance you got.

You started spending more time with your new friends and would text me saying that you were coming home late and not to wait up. By the time you would come back I would feel the bed dip alerting me of your arrival but you wouldn't bother to touch me, or even let me know that you got home safe. The next morning I would hear you close the door and receive a text letting me know that you got called into work early and would make excuses that you were putting in some extra work so you could show that you deserved a promotion and that things would go back to normal once you got it.

Yet even when you had gotten it you became more and more distant, saying that there were a lot more responsibilities involved than you had anticipated. But when I would check your social media after you had cancelled another one of our dates I would see how you had spent your night partying and drinking. When I would confront you about it you would tell me that it was work related and that you were required to attend.

Many of those confrontations had ended in fights that would tear us further and further apart. I had decided to give you your space after that and when you would finally talk to me again it felt like you were only doing it because you felt guilty. I would get hopeful, thinking that things had gone back to normal and we could make up for all the time we lost but you would fall back into those habits again once you realized that spending time with me had become pointless.

Towards the end of our relationship you had told me that you were going on a business trip and would be gone for several days. I had sent you off hoping that you would come back and that some time apart might be good for us. On the day that you were supposed to come back I didn't hear a peep from you. I decided that I should check in with you the morning after to just see if you might've gotten in late or if your flight home had gotten delayed and I wouldn't want to add to your stress if that had been the case.

When I had woken up I decided to give you until at least midday until I reached out and when I did, you answered and told me that you weren't coming home. When I had asked why you just said there was nothing left for you there. I had later found out that you had fallen for someone else and you had gone to meet them on your supposed business trip. You told me I didn't need to worry about sending you anything because you already had everything that you needed and to just throw away the rest.

Doing that was one of the harder parts of this breakup. Seeing all the things I had bought you and the clothes you had worn over the years that still held your familiar sent broke me. I had to have that same friend that invited me out come help me clear your stuff out because I couldn't bring myself to do it alone. I kept a few things that I couldn't bare to get rid of, "You sure you want to keep that? I know how much that meant to her, it'll just serve as another reminder of what happened" I nodded my head and set it to the side as well as a few other things before he took a couple of boxes out that held the life we shared together.

Weeks after the breakup I still lived in denial, thinking this was all just a dream, that I would open my eyes and we would still be together. But as the days went by I would wake up time and time again to an empty bed. Reaching my arm out beside me and expecting to feel your warmth were the days that hurt the most. Thinking you would be here in my arms again and that things haven't changed. Then it would all come back and I would feel wide awake when that same reality hit me once more.

The way I'm living isn't healthy and I know that, but I can't seem to drag myself out of this endless loop I've trapped myself in. I'm not sure which one would hurt more, living with the ghost of you or living trying to forget you. That's something I don't think I could bare to find out yet, so I'll just spend those rainy days thinking about you.

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racinggirl · 2 years

Text

breaking deals || charles leclerc 16 (part 1)

type: two shot (part 1) - click here to read part 2 pairing: charles leclerc x reader word count: 2.3k summary: being friends with benefits with a driver on another team has its ups and downs... requested: yes! “can you please write a fic where y/n is a driver, she's friends with benefits with charles, but when he confess his love she leaves. later on, she decides to give them a chance and the end is super fluff? please show her being super cute with him and breaking the news about their relationship on the paddock!” (by anon) Requests are OPEN!!! warnings: swearing (just a little), (mentions of) flirting, brief mentions of s*x, heartbreak (don't worry! part two will have the happy ending!) notes: I am baaaaack! I was dealing with another writersblock, but I'm back again. I've also decided to do two parts of this story, because this ending was just in my head like a movie and I HAD to do it. Hopefully part 2 will be up somewhere this or next week!

my masterlist

Rule number one when you decide to be friends with benefits with someone: no feelings. Number two, nobody could find out. The main reason for the second rule was the fact the both of you were drivers, Formula One drivers. Him at Ferrari, you at Alpha Tauri.

You had camera’s following your every step, being the first woman in this modern era to have a seat at one of the teams in the Formula One world. You worked your ass off, and people knew. You made sure people knew, because you were proud of your achievements.

He, however, was also a big thing in the media, especially after his wins, but now because of the lack of wins. Charles Leclerc, driver for Scuderia Ferrari, a championship contender in these first few races, a second place or third place contender later on.

The moment he saw your face on his phone, his Instagram feed filled with pictures of you, he was speechless. Two things crossed his mind. The first being the breath that he missed, because you were, according to the Monegasque, breath takingly beautiful. The second thing was shock, not thinking a female would be in Formula One this soon.

‘BREAKING: Y/n Y/l/n to race for Alpha Tauri in 2022’

He was happy, because this would mean things would get spicy, exciting and different in and around the paddock, on and off the track. He couldn’t wait till those Barcelona testing days, the days he would see you in person, the days he would introduce himself, and make friends, because who didn’t want to befriend the only female driver in Formula One.

The day you arrived at the track, peoples faces turned around instantly. Pierre was talking to Charles and Carlos, talking about their winter break, and of course your name entered the conversation pretty fast.

‘’Yeah, she’s amazing, and freaking fast!’’ Pierre exclaimed, explaining how the two of you met to the Ferrari drivers. ‘’I’m curious to see how she performs between the guys.’’ He then adds, his head turning around once your voice joined their conversation.

‘’I’ll beat all of you in the first laps.’’ You joked, hand resting on the Frenchman’s shoulder, your hair moving with the wind, the sun doing your tan good justice. ‘’y/n!’’ Pierre smiled, turning around to wrap his arms around you, hugging you as your arms found their way around his shoulders. ‘’Hey Pedro.’’ You replied, receiving chuckles from both Ferrari drivers.

‘’Hey, I’m y/n.’’

Those few days in Barcelona were an experience, one of the best you’ve had so far. The speed of the cars, the track, the different weather updates, mid practice changes, pitstops, all things you had at W-series as well, but 10 times faster here. You loved it, the adrenaline it gave you, all the interviewers wanting to talk to you, the thousand of followers you gained, it made you confident.

The final day of practice, you were packing your suitcase in your hotel room, music blasting through your air pods as you danced along the music. You didn’t hear the knocks on the hotel room door, or the voice that was calling your name. Once you finished packing you decided it was a good idea to go downstairs to grab some breakfast, seeing the fact you had an early practice session today. Pierre had the afternoon session.

However, the moment you opened your door, you let out a soft scream, eyes widening a little as your hand rose to your ears to take out your air pods. Once you took them out, your other hand went to your chest, deep breaths trying to calm you down as you watch the Ferrari driver laugh in front of you.

‘’Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.’’ He chuckled, his hand resting on your upper arm. You slowly looked up into his eyes, a kind smile on your face as you shook your head. ‘’No, it’s fine, I just didn’t expect someone to be in front of my door at… 7 am.’’ You smiled, fixing your hair.

Truth be told, you found him attractive, who didn’t find Charles Leclerc attractive? Exactly. Being the only female driver meant you for sure got a lot of male attention, which you didn’t mind. But it also meant getting quite some attention from this man in front of you, something you didn’t seem to mind at all.

‘’Yeah, I eh, was wondering if you wanted to get breakfast together, you have the morning session too right?’’ He smiled at you, his tongue sliding over his lips which made your heart beat a little faster.

‘’I do, are you stalking me already Leclerc?’’ You teased, closing the door behind you as you walked towards the stairs, turning your head to watch the guy dressed in full black chuckle, before he made his way towards you.

‘’Nah, I’m just well aware of who I’m on track with every session.’’ He replied, a smirk on his lips as he watched you walk down the stairs. He couldn’t lie, there was a massive attraction to you from his side, and somehow Charles hoped it didn’t stay at just friends.

And it didn’t. Ever since that moment in Barcelona, the two of you flirted, not wanting to be in trouble, so you decided to do it secretly, making sure nobody knew about the activities the two of you were up to. The both of you knew it couldn’t be a relationship, seeing the fact you were both drivers, for different teams.

However, you mutually agreed it wouldn’t get that far. It was simply flirty, joking, teasing each other. Innocent, at first.

But everything changed after you were back at the track where it all started. Barcelona, the Spanish GP. Charles was frustrated after the race, in which he suffered a loss of power, after leading with a 13 second advantage. You knew he was frustrated, so you decided to see him in the hotel later that evening, hoping everybody would already be asleep.

You gently lifted your hand to knock on his door, a sigh escaping your lips when you saw the Monegasque open the door. ‘’Hey.’’ ‘’hey..’’

You entered, feet moving to the couch almost instantly as you sat down, eyes meeting his as he leaned against the door. ‘’Shit race.’’ You replied, a weak smile on your lips. ‘’You could say that.’’ He mumbled, hands in the pockets of his joggers as he walked towards you, taking a seat on your left.

‘’Power issues?’’ You asked, and he simply nodded, his gaze being at the floor, tongue moving over his lips again. Fuck. You swallowed thickly, looking down at the floor as well, until his hand grabbed yours. Your eyes shot up, looking directly into his as he leaned in to tuck some hair behind your ear.

‘’This is making it a little better though.’’ He whispered, your faces being inches apart, his warm breath hitting your nose which made you shiver, in a good way. ‘’Me being here, or everybody else being asleep?’’ You replied, eyes closing as he leaned down, his lips brushing your neck slightly. ‘’Both.’’

That was the start of something, a ritual, a deal. A deal the both of you had to stick to, desperately.

That day in Barcelona was the start of more bad luck on Charles’ side. More DNF’s, less podiums, less wins. Sure, there was a part of you that felt bad for him, because he didn’t deserve this, he worked his ass off every time, and got stabbed in the back by either the strategists, or the car itself.

‘’I fucking can’t believe this!’’ Charles walked inside your hotel room, almost instantly, as soon as you opened the door for him. Hungary 2022, a frustration for the Ferrari driver.

‘’Charles.’’ You followed him, grabbing his hands as you notice his temper, his anger, not towards you, but himself and his team.

‘’Why the fuck did they put me on the hard compound? Just, why? They saw how bad it was performing with the other teams, did your team put you on the hards?’’ He asked, looking at how you shook your head. ‘’No, of course not, of course they didn’t because they have actual brains, unlike the guys on my team, fucking hell.’’

You frowned, leaning up to press your lips against his, pulling him down by his neck. Sure, his strategists didn’t do the best job, and you understood his frustration, but there were two stories here. ‘’They are trying their best.’’ You sighed against his lips, feeling his grip tighten on your ass.

‘’They should try harder.’’ He groaned, walking back till you were feeling the wall against your back. His hand slowly grabbed your leg, lifting it up so he could press his body against yours, your leg wrapping around his waist.

‘’And so should you.’’ You sighed, which made him stop his movements, lips separating as he took a step back, looking at you. ‘’I am.’’

‘’I know, Charles, I know.’’ You sighed, smiling weakly. ‘’But there are two parts of the strategic decisions during a race.’’ You explained. ‘’Open your mouth, tell them, talk to them.’’ You said, squeezing his hands. ‘’You’re the driver, you know what feels good, tell them, make the decisions too.’’ You nodded, cupping his cheeks with your hands, forcing him to look at you.

‘’Helping the competition now huh?’’ He asked, a playful smirk on his face. He knew you were right, and that’s what made you special to him. Instead of agreeing with him, telling him he was right and that he tried everything he could, you told him what he didn’t do right. You weren’t just going to say yes to everything he said, but you were also able to get into a discussion with him, tell him the facts, how things were actually going. And he appreciated that, he loved that.

‘’Just giving some tips to a friend.’’ You said before closing the space between the two of you again, because that’s what you were, friends. Simply friends, that’s it. And he hated that, because secretly, he wanted to be more than just that, than just friends.

He wanted to tell you, so bad, but he knew it would mean he broke your deal, the deal you made back in Barcelona, rule number one.

‘’What’s the matter with you?’’ You asked the driver, the guy that was laying next to you in bed, refusing to leave after the passionate sex the two of you just had. Charles was cuddly, not like he usually was, he didn’t leave immediately after, but he stayed, and somehow you liked that.

‘’Nothing.’’ He replied. ‘’Are you sure?’’ You frowned, turning to your side, hand resting under your chin as you put your hair over one shoulder, eyes narrowing to meet his. ‘’There’s something.’’ You murmured, poking his cheek with your finger, watching as he took a deep breath, tongue sliding over his lips like he usually did.

‘’You don’t want to know.’’ He sighed, not wanting to look you in the eyes. Your frown got deeper as you turned in the bed, sitting up straight, the covers up to your chest as you turned to him fully. ‘’Actually, I do.’’ You said, watching the Monegasque take the same position as you, face turning around to face you. His hand moved up to cup your cheek, both your eyes closing as your lips connected once more, but this kiss was different, and you both knew.

‘’Charles…’’ You sighed against his lips, receiving a groan back, his hands pulling you even closer, because he needed you close, and not just as a friend.

‘’Charles, we can’t.’’ You said, pulling away from the loving kiss you just shared. Charles looked at you, his hand slowly reaching for yours, but you pulled yours away. ‘’No.’’ You said, a frown on your forehead.

‘’But, I like you, fuck, I love you, y/n.’’ He said, which made you close your eyes. ‘’No you don’t.’’ You simply replied, your voice almost being a whisper. ‘’I do.’’ He responded, trying to reach for your hand again, but you got out of the bed and threw him his clothes after putting on one of your shirts and panties.

‘’You should go.’’ You said, swallowing thickly. It was the end of the season, but you were still known as drivers, from different teams. ‘’y/n…’’

‘’Go, Charles, now.’’ You said, looking up into his eyes, fighting the tears in your own eyes, arms wrapped around your body. He knew he fucked up, big time, so he was quick in putting on his clothes, as well as his shoes and he stormed off, opening the door and walking out of your hotel room.

He crossed your friend, the one you were here with for the final race of the season, but Charles was so in his own mind space, he simply walked past the girl, and stormed off. Lola walked towards you, since Charles left your room door wide open, and watched the guy walk down the stairs.

‘’Who was that?’’ She asked, turning her head to look into your direction. You sighed, your eyes never leaving the back of the guy that slowly found its way into your heart. ‘’A friend.’’ You mumbled, Lola walking past you to go inside the hotel room, placing the boxes of pizza on the table.

‘’A friend I fell in love with…’’ You whispered, grabbing the handle of the door and closing it behind you, eyes scanning the room, ending on the bed you just shared with that friend.

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canonicallyobserving911 · 27 days

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Hi! I had a thought about bommy's (that's what I'm calling them lol) conversation in that sneak peek, and Tommy's comment about people he rescues then dates being "so grateful" seemed to have potentially gross implications? https://www.tumblr.com/blutterlie/746784303967502336/watched-the-sneak-peek-and-something-in-bommys?source=share I'd love to know what you think!

Ps. is it just me or did bommy's conversation feel clunky and awkward and devoid of chemistry, with tommy looking rather uninterested in what buck had to say? Or are we meant to believe that tommy is just playing it super cool? He absolutely LIT UP when eddie arrived lol

Hi @blutterlie and thank you for the ask. I'm glad you sent this to me because I have a theory about Tommy Kinard and I have a lot to say on this topic.

Before I delve into your inquiry, I have to mention that I DO NOT LIKE TOMMY KINARD AND I DO NOT TRUST HIM. He was never redeemed and he's a spinless jelly fish who's also a chameleon which means he changes and adapts to a dangerous situation so he can hide behind the fact that he won't stand up for those who need him. Reminder, in 7x3, while they were in the helicopter, Chimney said, "You hear that Tommy, that's the spirit of the 118" but he didn't respond. I wasn't surprised, especially since I had already completed a post about why I don't like him (linked here) and I was planning to do another more extensive one but I decided I won't waste anymore of my time on his character. I completed the GIFs for the post and everything but I'd rather focus on the mains instead of a character that will be gone in a few episodes (hopefully before 7x6 since he hasn't been seen in any of Madney's wedding BTS pics. I'm hoping my analysis about him is right because Bobby, Chimney and Hen still don't trust him).

Here's what I will say about Tommy. I don't believe he'll have Eddie’s back when and if Eddie needs him. He's not loyal like Lena was to the 136 and I also believe the same thing about Lucy since she jumped ship and left the 147 to transfer to the 118 (post linked here). Firefighters are usually loyal to their firehouses and their captains so it's suspicious when one just ups and leaves the way Lucy did. I still believe Lucy was there to be in cahoots with Jonah but they changed her storyline and I believe they planned to revisit it later but the backlash was so strong, the character couldn't be saved. Anyway, Tommy's the irredeemable character they chose to bring back and now he's the one who can't and shouldn't be trusted.

While I do want Eddie to have a storyline of his own, if this thing with Tommy is going where I believe the narrative is taking it then, Eddie will learn the hard way that Tommy won't have his back when he needs him the way Buck always does. And the foreshadowing has been there since 7x2 and 7x3 aired. In those episodes, I noticed the way both Hen and Maddie reiterated Eddie's and Buck’s 2x1 mantra of "You can have my back any day". Hen told Buck, Chimney and Eddie, she would have found a way to have their backs when she thought they didn't have hers but in 7x3, Maddie told her she always has her back 👀.

Now, we know practically everything the show includes in the scripts for the mains is usually intentional, therefore, I don't believe it was a mistake to have Hen say they didn't have hers while Maddie (a Buckley) said she will always have hers and I don't think it was a coincidence that they said it in and around the time Tommy was set to return.

Here's the kicker about Tommy Kinard (notice how his last name rhymes with Gerard, the racist and bigoted captain he worked for prior to Bobby's arrival). After rewatching Hen's and Chimney's Begins and Bobby Begins Again episodes (post linked here), I was reminded of how TOXIC Tommy was and I think he still is. He never changed and I think he's going to say or do something that's racist or bigoted in front of Eddie the same way he did to Hen and Chimney when they first started at the 118.

The proof he probably won't have Eddie's back happened in 2x16 when Sal (his best friend) walked up on Bobby like he wanted to fight him. But Tommy (the spinless jellyfish that he is) did exactly what people like him do when they go into self-preservation mode, he backed away, so he could keep his job and he hid or tucked away his racist and bigoted behaviors so he couldn't be called out on them. I've worked with people like him before and they don't change. They do just like the O'Jays said in their song, "They smile in your face, all the time they want to take your place, them backstabbers!" And that's exactly what he did because not only did he not have Bobby's back, who was his captain, he didn't have his friend Sal's either (rightfully so since Sal was dead wrong for trying to take on Bobby) but my point is, he won't have anyone's back, including Eddie's when it truly matters.

That's the thing it appears Eddie may be subjected to during this version of Buck's self-discovery arc. Do I like it? NO! Mainly because Eddie deserves a better storyline than one that's tied to a bigoted jerk but I will say, if this is it then it'll be hard for him especially since he firmly believes in teams. He's said it many times in CANON but Tommy seems like a jerk who expects people to be GRATEFUL that his trifling ass showed up to save the day 🙄. I did hear him say that in the sneak peek and it was icky and gross just like you said because he has a hero complex. I read your post and I believe @caneofster is right, Tommy is giving off Jonah 2.0 vibes but most people are choosing not to see it because they want Buck to be with another man, any man so badly that they don't care who it is. I've said it several times before, I ship BUDDIE and only BUDDIE because they're in love with each other and they have an EPIC love story that deserves all the attention that has been built around it for the past six years.

Hopefully Tommy's ridiculous ass won't try to hurt my baby Eddie but I do know Eddie can take care of himself. If Tommy is like Jonah then that may be why he's fixated on him. Eddie has a silver star but I didn't hear Tommy say he has one even though he served in the Army too so that could be because he was just there and he wasn't awarded anything for bravery.

Here are the million dollar questions.

Will Tommy have Eddie's back if he gets shot in front of him? NO! He won't.

Will Tommy crawl underneath a firetruck if Eddie needs to be saved? NO! He won't.

Will Tommy have Eddie's back if Chris needs help with his homework? NO! He won't.

Will Chris call Tommy if something's wrong with Eddie? NO! He won't.

Will Tommy speak up for Eddie if he's having issues with childcare? NO! He won't.

Will Tommy come running if Eddie has another mental breakdown? NO! He won't.

The person who will be there is Buck! He always has been there for Eddie and Chris and he always will be.

If Tommy is as crazy as I think he is, it's likely by the end of the season (maybe sooner) Buck and Eddie will end up in a precarious situation the same way Hen and Chimney were in during 5x17 but the difference is, Buck and Eddie are in love with each other while Hen and Chimney are just best friends (related post linked here). If they're trapped and only one of them can be saved... I don't even want to think about it so hopefully, Tommy will be found out before any of that can happen.

The point is, Buck and Eddie agreed to have each other's backs in 2x1 and they still do. They've been there for each other through everything but Tommy is a loser and a poser who hides behind the fact that he's a firefighter and that he was in the Army but notice he never mentioned any medals or anything like that so this guy is not dependable, trustworthy and most importantly, he doesn't have the spirit of the 118. That means he's not family, found or otherwise. They're a family and even though Tommy hung out with Bobby, Hen and Chimney while they had drinks in a bar, they don't trust him therefore Buck and Eddie shouldn't either.

And to answer your question about Tommy and Buck's interaction, YES it was clunky, stiff and awkward but hopefully that was on purpose because we know Buck and Eddie do everything in sync and they've been doing it so long that it's subconscious for them.

This got way longer than I wanted it to (breivty is not my strong suit but I'm working on it) but I suppose I needed to type it out and see it in print because now things are getting real.

I hope I answered your question and while I don't know if this is the way the show is going, I do believe Tommy can't be trusted because HE NEVER HAD A REDEMPTION ARC. Reminder, Hen didn't shove his face in that cake in 2x16 for nothing 😜��😉🙃.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 abc #911 on abc #911 meta #911 season 7 #911 season 7 speculation #911 speculation #911 spoilers #anti tommy kinard #anti bucktommy #anti eddietommy #anti lucy donato #Canonically Observing 9-1-1 Speaks

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railingsofsorrow · 11 months

Text

Somewhere Underlined

summary: jennifer jareau would be the death of you someday, you know that and you'd probably let her. surprisingly, you weren't aware that you caused that same reaction on her, too.

pairing: jj jareau x fem!queer!reader

w.c: 4.8K

warnings/content: lots of yearning and miscommunication; angst (wouldn't be me without any angst); flirting; fear of rejection; this is not a coming out fic but it discusses the topic; description about impulsive actions & consent & acceptance; foul language at some point; murder is briefly mentioned; mentions of bad experiences regarding relationships; friendly banter; an argument; fluff; making out.

A/N: this is my entry for @the-guilty-writer pride fic challenge! I didn't chose an specific prompt. I've had this idea for a long time and when I saw this challenge I thought “oh, that's how this is going to go.” hopefully, you'll like it <3 and happy pride month!!!!

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“I think I'm in love with her.”

You don't go around revealing your life to the first person you see. That's just not you. But have you ever been through one of those moments where your mind trails back to that person and all you can see it's her eyes, her smile, the scrunch of her nose when she's concentrated and the tilt of her head when she's confused about something?

And then, it slips out. Your heart speaks for itself, you can't control it.

“Huh?” Penelope queried, drifting her attention back to you. She has been ogling some blonde dude since the moment you came into the bar. You didn't understand the appeal. He was just an average white probably tasteless man. Penelope could do so much better, but that was none of your business.

You were ogling someone else as well, so. Hypocrite.

“Wait—what?” The blonde gripped your arm, eyes widening behind her glasses as if a realization has come to her. “Who are you in love with?”

Oh, she heard that? Somehow you thought it could have been muffled by the loud music.

You know some order thing that could be muffled? JJ and her stupid flirting with that stupid guy beside you. God, if she giggled one more time you'd break your beer bottle in your head.

You wondered what would Penelope think in case she knew who you were talking about. You've received a lot of looks because of your sexual orientation over the years and it's long gone that part of you that cared so much about what people thought of you. You were a grown woman, successful in your field and you didn't depend on anyone to survive. Especially prejudiced people. But those people in the bar, they weren't just people. They have become your family. You couldn't stop thinking if they would treat you differently if they knew you weren't straight.

“Baby girl and princess!” You step out of your inner turmoil to acknowledge a very drunk Derek Morgan. Both of his arms around yours and Garcia's shoulders. He was the touchy kind of drunk. You didn't complain and you knew by your friend's wicked grin that she wouldn't either. “Now what are you doing here moping around? There's a dance floor with plenty of space over there.”

“Oh, I can see that. Are you taking us there then?”

“I'd be more than happy too.”

Before Penelope could drag you out, you clicked your tongue under the roof of your mouth.

“Sorry, not tonight. My legs are killing me.”

Derek chuckled, shaking his head in disapproval. “Because of when we jogged after the unsub?”

Grabbing a shot of tequila and promptly throwing your head back, you straighten your back while staring back at him, a scowl present in your features.

“You call that jogging? I'm not a gym rat like you, Morgan.”

“I can see that, we need to change that!”

“Uh-huh,” you push his shoulder playfully. “Convince Spencer first and we can all wake up at five a.m together to run around the Headquarters.”

Derek yelled through the music about always getting what he wanted in the end and he wouldn't give up before Garcia whisked him away to the dance floor and they disappeared from your sight.

A smile lingered on your lips until you realized the golden strands almost touching your arm and your mood went sour again. Thankfully or not, you could no longer hear the flirting, maybe the alcohol was being effective and numbing your eardrums.

“A pretty face like that cannot carry anything but a smile.”

Really, someone was about to get punched tonight and you wouldn't be responsible for your choices. What would it take for you to be alone and sad for a few minutes— “Oh,” you blinked at Emily, shoulders sagging in relief. “It's you.”

You saw her grin through the glass she was sipping on. “Don't act so excited.”

“It's not that.” You rolled your eyes. “I thought it was another asshole trying to get my number. I'm so done with men tonight.”

“Hey,” she raised her glass, mentioning your beer. As you did, you clicked them together. “Preach. We should kill all of them.”

You leaned on her arm, face splitting into a shit-eating grin. Yes, the alcohol was finally in your system. “Such a good idea I could kiss you for it.”

There was some cheering going around and when you looked back at the dance floor, Penelope was the center of attention. Hotch and Rossi looked like they were having the time of their lives watching the scene, while Blake cheered her on just as strongly as everyone else.

Sometimes, you wished you had Penelope's confidence. She'd walk into the room with colorful clothes and heels decorated by herself and she'd own it. That was your best friend. Spontaneous, strong and one of the best people you knew.

If you had half of that confidence you might have confessed your stupid feelings for the woman you were head over heels for. You had to watch her flirt with someone else right in front of you as if it didn't make your heart break because you wanted it to be you instead.

“Kiss me then.”

Spinning around to stare at Emily, you blinked confused. “Uh?”

“You said you'd kiss me,” Emily tilted her head, her dark strands slipping out from behind her ear and covering half of her face. “Do it then.” Her tone had a tinge of playfulness but even in your inebriated state, you saw the truth between the lines.

You'd never thought of Emily as more than someone you could share everything with. She's been your friend since you entered the Bureau, shy and isolated, she helped you get out of your shell and admit your true persona. She knew everything about you, even more than Penelope, your best friend. Being Queer was something that Emily had a lot to say about and it brought you two closer. To both of you, it was nice to speak without stepping on eggshells, fearing you'd be looked at differently by your friends.

You were aware she's beautiful. Of course you were, you're not blind. Emily Prentiss was powerful and she radiated grace wherever she walked. That's just something you never... thought about. You never thought that boundary could be crossed.

Until now.

“Do you really want me to?” You asked, glancing down at her shiny lips. Another thing you knew about Emily, she hates lipstick, her go-to choice would always be plain chapstick or lipgloss.

Emily brushed a strand of hair behind your shoulder, leaning forward. Your nose barely touching. “I wouldn't mention it if I didn't want it.” You smiled at that, just as you were about to close the gap between you and say fuck it for everything and everyone else that was in your head, a hand on your shoulder pulled your back, slightly startling you.

Emily blinks dazed at someone behind you, her face twitching in confusion.

But JJ says your name and you freeze, “A word, please?”

She walks away and you are conflicted on whether you should follow like a kicked puppy or stay with Emily and carry on with... Who are you kidding? This is Jennifer you're talking about. Is there any moment you've ever said no to her?

This is pathetic — you think, stumbling into people as you walked to the exit where you presumed JJ was going. She had vanished a minute ago and there were so many people you couldn't see where she went.

You're pathetic. She just interrupted your kiss with a pretty girl and you're following after her like a starved stray dog—unless. Unless something happened and she needed you.

“Jen,” you said carefully, finally outside the bar where she awaited you. You couldn't see her face because she had her back facing you. “Hey, you okay? Did something—”

“What was that?” She cut you off. As she wiped around to face you, you saw her flared cheeks. That could only mean two things: angry or drunk. She looked fine for someone drunk, different from you who was almost floating at your feet. She said your name again, this time more calculated. “You and Emily? When did that happen?”

A laugh of astonishment left your lips. Were you hearing it right? “Was that why you called me over here?” you really wanted to be sure before you blurted out something you didn't want.

JJ scoffed, folding her arms over her chest. That was one of the cutest reactions you find endearing about her, but now it just frustrated you. It frustrated you because you still found her cute despite her irrationality.

Focus!

Before you could spar anything back, someone bumped into you causing you to stumble forward, almost falling flat on the sidewalk if familiar arms hadn't held you in place. Her perfume reached you fast than two bottles of beer and five shots of tequila could ever do. The sweet smell of orange blossom made you almost melt in her arms. When you stepped back into reality, you noticed your head was on her shoulder as her whole body shook.

She was too busy yelling and gesticulating angrily at whoever had bumped into you to realize you were drunk on her perfume.

“Are you okay? The idiot was too drunk, he almost ran you over— Are you okay?” She repeated, tone softening at the end as she cupped your face and saw your unfocused gaze. “I think we should sit you down.”

“I'm fine,” you sputtered out, leaning into her touch absentmindedly. Why were her hands better than your pillow? You could sleep right there.

“Sure, you are.”

It took you five minutes for you to breathe into a new setting. One you knew too well, the discreet scent of strawberry she'd spray around. That was her car.

“JJ,” you said, rubbing your eyes tiredly. You should have drank more because you could feel yourself sobering up. “Why did you bring me here? Can't we just talk tomorrow?”

If you could avoid the inevitable, you'd do it while you could.

She stayed silent. You huffed out a breath of disbelief when you turned the side and saw her staring straight forward.

“Okay.” You spat, hand on the door handle. “I'll see you—”

“Don't leave.”

“Why not?” Your fist clenched in the handle. “You're acting like a child and I don't even know what I did.”

Letting out a long sigh, she said, “I'm sorry."

You hated the way your body reacted to her. Chest searching to cure whatever caused that tinge of sadness in her voice.

“What happened?” You inquired softly.

She shifted on the seat, raising both of her hands to pull her strands back.

“You did.”

If you hadn't sobered up before, you sure we're sober now.

“Me?” you croaked out, studying her in what you judged to be nonchalant but it was actually quite desperate. What had you done to make her upset? You barely spoke the entire night.

In fact, you were trying to take some distance from the blonde for a while. It was the healthiest option you found instead of reciprocating the casual compliments and innocent touching. Because JJ did those things but it was out of friendship. When you did them, you wanted more. You felt more. That had to stop. Once you fell, it was unstoppable. Free falling straight to the rocks. And you'd be the only one banged up in the process due to something you created in your own head.

But you already fell, didn't you? That's what you blurted out to Penelope an hour ago. You were doomed ever since she said Hi to you in the bullpen on your first roundtable meeting.

Either way, you took some space. Speaking only the necessary and exchanging point of view during cases. She didn't seem to care so you guess you didn't make a difference in her life. Did it hurt? Yes. But you wouldn't ruin what was left of your friendship.

“What did I do?” You bit your cheek, afraid she would throw at your face exactly what you were afraid of: she knew about your feelings and she didn't want to be around you anymore. She felt disgusted by you and—

“You mean what you were about to do.”

Your hand moved from the handle to your lap as you shifted your whole body to face her. “I— what?” What was she even talking about?

JJ heaved out a frustrated breath and her gaze finally met yours. It wasn't cold like when she had brought you outside, it was warm, like a volcano about to erupt in lava.

“God, you don't see it, do you?” Your face caved in confusion. “Why did it have to be Emily? And out of all the places you could do that did it have to be by my side?”

It was as if her anger had rubbed off on you instantly.

“What?” You snapped. “You're mad because Emily and I almost kissed by your side?” A humorless laugh escaped you, you didn't even care that she was bothered by what she had seen. You were mad because she interrupted you to screw with your mood. “Oh, I'm sorry, Jennifer. Did I interrupt your trashy flirting with Johnny Depp?”

Her brows reached her hairline in surprise. She isn't expected you to have any reason to be mad, but apparently, you were. Very much. You never called her Jennifer, it felt so wrong. She almost felt guilty.

No, she did feel guilty. Immediately after the words escaped her mouth. Why was she making you justify anything? You weren't her girlfriend. You weren't her anything. Just like she wasn't your anything.

“You really are a hypocrite, you know?” You carried on, jaw clenching. “You've been all over that guy and I had to watch the entire night — when I'm supposed to be having fun — and I'm just— I didn't say anything. Because I have no right to say anything. You can do whatever you want with your life and we're not—” you sucked in a breath, stopping some words from leaving your lips. “—it's not fair, JJ!”

JJ was speechless, completely taken aback by your garrulous speech. By how you ran out of breath, it looked like you had been bottling up all of that.

“And you know what? I won't apologize for what you saw. If you're bothered by the fact that I feel attracted to women—”

“Whoa, wait.” She almost got a neck twist at the insinuation, her whole armor falling. “You think I'm upset because I saw you kiss a girl?”

“You cockblocked the situation so I didn't get to kiss her—”

She completely ignored your jab. “This has nothing to do with you.” The look you gave her was enough for her to realize she has just messed up continuously. Really, she called you out here to argue about something that is entirely her issue. It might involve you — it most definitely does, you're the center of it — but it is not your fault. It's hers.

Jennifer Jareau is a hypocrite. She knows that.

“I couldn't care less about who you kiss or what your sexual orientation is,” JJ clarified. “I mean, if you ever feel comfortable talking about it— I'm all in for it. But I'm not— that doesn't bother me. That's not what I intended for it to sound like. I'm sorry.”

Your eyes skim over the features, searching for any sign of lies; the only emotion you were able to find was regret.

“I had a problem with who you were about to kiss,” she added quietly, munching on her lower lip. A couple crossed the street to reach the bar entrance, they were laughing and holding hands. Diverting her attention down to her hands, she started feeling bad about the situation. Acting like this — angry? That wasn't her. JJ wasn't impulsive nor did she go rough on expressing her feelings. She knew that alright. There's been a lot of times where she wore her heart on her sleeve but none of those times were regarding her love life. She's always been cautious, maybe because in the past, people haven't been cautious with her heart and she had to deal with it by herself. Alone.

Also, she wasn't sure about her feelings for you. Not until a week ago, when your absence started shadowing her days more and more.

JJ never fell in love with a woman before. Sure, she's had crushes and was attracted to some but. They weren't you. None of them were you. Somehow, when you came along, her life was flipped upside down. She wondered how could someone question all of their beliefs because of one person? When she met you, the question switched to how could someone not question everything because of one person?

Oh, but she fell hard. No parachute in sight and she was terrified of heights.

Between innocent touches on the shoulder, compliments and shared coffees in the morning, and the willpower to just protect you at all costs when you were in the field... something blossomed. And it couldn't have been anyone else.

That's the reason she was so mad when you and Emily almost... Yes. Not only that but how dare you ignore her for weeks and act as if you weren't doing it?

Did her absence in your life not mean anything?

“Did you and Emily fight?” You questioned, brows knitting together. “You looked fine this morning.”

JJ ran a hand through her face, “No, we didn't fight,” she let out impatiently.

“Then why—”

“Because I have feelings for you!” She blurted out. “And I wish it was me. I wish it was me who you were touching and giggling and blushing with, not her.” Okay. What was that thing about not being impulsive? In her defense, she wasn't like this before you barged into her life, so it was all on you. “I wish I was her, to be more specific and to just further bury myself under. I wish it had been me in her place.”

The softness of her voice revealed how apprehensive she was in saying that. You wanted to pluck out the lines of concern on her forehead, but at the same time, you thought you had gone crazy. You didn't hear JJ saying she wanted to kiss you, did you? Maybe you were still drunk.

“Are you going to say something?” Her voice was small and you blinked awake.

“I— I don't—”

“I'm sorry.”

Your breath halted.

“Why?”

JJ let out a shaky breath, shaking her head with a groan. “Because I just ruined everything.” Before you could protest, she carried on. “I made you think you had done something wrong and it was all me. I shouldn't have said anything, I'm just— I'm sorry—”

“Did you mean it?”

“... what?”

Your eyes traveled through her features, “What you said before.”

Swallowing hard, she avoided your eyes. “About my feelings? Yes. I wouldn't joke about that.” Something came to her mind and her back straightened slightly. “And also about not being bothered by your sexual orientation,” JJ said. “You're still you and that hasn't changed. It won't change. That would be pretty hypocrite of me, actually.” That last part fell from her lips as a whisper but you could hear it loud and clear.

You felt your throat closing up. “Really?” you asked, that kid in you that was rejected many times by her parents turned up on the doorstep of your brain. She was still scared. Still looking for acceptance.

“I love you the way you are, why would it change anything?”

Your heart stopped beating. Nothing could be heard around you, even though the windows were rolled down and there were few people on the streets, speaking loudly. The bar buzzes with loud music.

You didn't even know if you remembered how to breathe.

JJ seemed to be on the same page because she hadn't moved but her eyes were widened in shock. Taken aback by herself. She wasn't remotely drunk to blurt out stuff like that, the opposite actually.

“JJ—”

“I'm sorry, I didn't—”

“JJ,” you said shortly, making her shut up. “Stop,” you ordered even if she had already. The air was heavy, you could taste it bitter in your tongue. Your hand reached out to hers as you leaned closer as her throat bop up and down rapidly.

Jennifer's mind was juggling between multiple emotions but the moment your fingers brushed hers, it all became silent. It was impressive the way her body reacted to your touch. It slipped her mind from those days you barely exchange a good morning, she doesn't ever want to get to a point where she can't feel it.

“This isn't a joke, right?” Her gaze lifted to yours. God, had she been staring at your mouth this whole time?

“No,” she breathed out. “No, it isn't.” Her eyes dropped again, but she got it together in time. “That's not how I wanted you to find out. I'm not sure if I ever wanted you to find out...”

She watched as your lips twitched slightly and your tongue danced through them slowly. Expecting you to run to the hills as soon as she let the truth slip out, bewilderment reached her senses when that's what you didn't do. You stayed. And you were still there, staring at her, unmoving.

Until you retracted your hand from hers on the car seat to touch her cheek carefully. Your lips moved but she couldn't hear a thing.

“Uh, what?”

“It is okay if I...” She was nodding before you could finish speaking and her lips had crashed to yours in full force. Impulsiveness. That's all her. Then, she leaned back, covering her mouth, blue eyes widened when the reality of what she had done came.

You made a sound of protest because of the sudden withdrawal. When you saw her face, it was as if a bowl of cold water had dropped right above your head. She regrets it. She hates me now, she's—

“I'm sorry. I didn't even—I'm sorry, that was out of line, I didn't mean to— I'm so sorry.”

Tilting your head to the side in confusion, you questioned, “Wait, does that mean that you didn't want to kiss me or—”

JJ gave you a look of surprise, “I didn't know if you wanted it, which clearly is not the case and I'm sorry—”

Relief flushed your fear down the drain and you could finally feel the air entering back into your lungs. You started laughing uncontrollably. Feeling eyes burning in your side profile, you raised a hand in a silent request to wait until the fit reached a stop. A minute later, you were red, but you could speak.

Just as JJ started to apologize again, you shut her up by cupping her cheeks and closing the gap between your lips. Like she had done beforehand, albeit softer. Her eyelashes tinkled your cheeks and the baby hairs at the nape of her neck were being brushed by your nails, it didn't take long for her hands to start trailing down your arms. You felt her smiling into the kiss.

“You don't hate me?” she asked in between pecks.

You let out a hum, “I hate you so much—” another kiss “... that I can't stop kissing you.” JJ huffed out a laugh and you kissed down the blush in her cheeks. "I asked if I could kiss you first, silly." She mumbled something along the lines of oh, right.

“So, uh, wait, I—” She stuttered out and you leaned back. “About what I said before. I really am sorry. I was being an idiot. And of course, you can kiss whoever you want to kiss I was just—”

“Jealous?”

Her eye roll was the reply you needed.

“I don't know. Maybe.”

You pressed your lips together, “Okay.”

JJ lifted her eyes to you again, studying your features for a while. She had this unreadable expression from which you couldn't identify the meaning to.

“What?” you asked softly. She smiled, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“Nothing. You're beautiful.”

You blinked, not expecting to hear that, which only made her grin widen. “It's not exactly how I imagined our first kiss to be.”

“Oh?” You mocked, recovering from the previous compliment. “So you've been imagining it?”

“Yes. More times than I can count.” She let her back rest against the seat, eyes never drifting from you. You had missed the feeling of her gaze on you, you had missed just admiring her daily. Now that she was there, in front of you, swollen lips and flushed cheeks — because of you — you didn't know what to do. It was too good to be true.

Did she love you as she said before? Was this just a one-time thing? Would she regret it in the morning?

So many questions you wanted answers to but you didn't want to leave that moment.

She called out your name gently, thumb drawing invisible patterns on your hand. “Hey,” she cooed. “What are you thinking?”

You shook your head, waving it off. “Nothing.”

Both of you chose to dive into silent touches and soft mumbling, just enjoying each other's presence. You didn't care about partying inside and a part of you felt smug that she chose you over that man sitting beside her at the bar.

She was playing with your rings, commenting on each one until you let out a groan and she looked up at you questioningly. You stared at the console, your lips turning down in a frown.

“What it is?” She asked, suppressing a grin. You looked cute acting so annoyed.

“There's too much space between us, Jareau. I don't like this.”

“I'm afraid that that's what happens when I'm in the driver seat and you're in the passenger seat, doll.”

Your nose twitched at the endearment and your face immediately flared up.

She grinned.

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” Her grin turned into a soft smile. She kept staring at you awaiting an answer in expectation, your eyes followed the spark of anxiety in her eyes and the ways her hands had become clammy on yours. No need to be a profiler to realize she was nervous. Not that you weren't about to hyperventilate yourself, but maybe her reaction meant that she wanted something more and not just tonight.

You weren't sure of that before.

“You really want to do this?” You brought one of her hands to your cheek, leaning into her warm palm. JJ stroked the spot softly. “I mean, do you want to—”

“Be something?”

You gave her a coy smile.

“I don't want to scare you off,” she added, intertwining your hands while leaning forward. “But, if you want to—”

“I do.” You cut her off, biting your lip once you realized you did. “I'd love to go on a date with you, Jen. You know,” you paused. “I don't know if that wasn't clear enough, but I feel the same.”

Laying her forehead on yours for a minute, you saw the corner of her lips quirk up slightly. “It'll take me a while to get my head around that.”

“I've been smitten with you for like... forever.”

“That is so not true!”

You gaped at her. “Yes, it is!”

JJ rolled her eyes, “If you say so.” Before you could retort stubbornly, she pecked your lips. “I do care an enormous amount about you, you know that?” I love you, actually. But that's too soon and I can wait to say it at the right time.

Your hand curled around her wrist as if you were afraid she would leave forever. She kissed your cheek, hand nudging out of your grip to intertwine your fingers in a swift motion as if she had read your mind and this was her way of saying I'm not going anywhere.

“I care an enormous amount for you, too, Jennifer Jareau.”

#criminal minds fanfiction #reader insert #jj jareau x reader #jj jareau x queer!reader #jj jareau imagine #wlw #jennifer jereau x reader #jj x reader

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emoangel44 · 2 months

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HI RAXZ IT TOOK LONGER THAN EXPECTED AS IT'S BEEN A WEEK BUT!!! DURING ALL THAT I DIDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR FIC/S It's just one of those pieces of fanwork that leaves so much of an impression on someone, that it just ends up sticking and changing what you initially thought of a character, because of how well done the things most would just move aside or chalk up for simple reasons. you seem to be the only person who really does get Chara like no other, and I hope it's not strange to say you write them almost as if you know them or you are them that I'm sorta afraid nothing else will live up to how you written them and asriel in ur fan fic LOL but no matter... i will prevail. I love how you were able to portray charas self hate and self harm, i love how you didn't hold back on the ugly side of it and how far and disturbing it can be especially for someone as young as chara. There's just something so realistic about it that don't see alot anywhere else.

I also like how you made asriel be childish, childish in a way a kid can be bratty or selfish(?) in the first half, that might not be a good descriptor but my puter is lagging from the many many words I've written for this ask so I'm making do </3 the point is you really know how to write these kids. Also enjoy that the tone of each fic is starkly different from one another, asriels pov feels grounded in comparison to charas inner thoughts

HOPEFULLY this all makes a little sort of sense, I've read both of ur fics three times so I'm praying it does, amen. ANYWAYS……. Love ur brain, would love to hear any thoughts you have on utdr in general if you ever decide to share em…. godbless. perhaps i couldve worded this better in a diffrent time but oh well, we ball. i hope u have a great day emoangel44🫡 will be looking forward for ur new utdr stuff

FIORE!!! i have been waiting for this day.. thank you so much. ive had several people say that i really get chara including like, literal veteran chara fans. its very nice to hear, theyre pretty important to me as a character. which is rather funny because the only analysis ive ever actually written on them that wasnt fanfiction was an essay on how i think theyre kind of actually a little poorly written LOL. to understand someone you have to know their weakpoints i guess... even if on a meta level.

for my asriel interpretation i try to incorporate a lot of "flowey-isms" as i say. the way i see asriel is that he was always a bit of a bratty, selfish kid that struggled with low empathy. he chooses to do what he thinks is right because he knows its right and not because it provides him with positive feelings himself... i think thats even more admirable. as opposed to this is think chara is high empathy which is part of the reason they did what they did. asriel is just way more of a people person than chara and so comes off as more understanding, charas just naturally a bit off-putting no matter how hard they try not to be.

chara and asriel are quite different people so i tried to make that clear in how i write their perspectives. chara is kind of stuck in their own head and lives in a world with walls of misery and think prose. theyre very direct but also very metaphorical. its a weird combination but it gets easier to write when taking in account their canon dialogues (one day youll get a fic from me with a more light hearted tone where chara will get to make their dog puns and nerd jokes. maybe). this is also the reason i write them with a strange mix of first and second person. it just feels natural for our narrator.

asriel on the other hand is much much more of an emotional person and is much less formal in how he thinks. he has a lot more filler words and "i-think"s and "i-feel"s and such.

i figure ill write a bit on what inspired each fic.

for my chara fic, i actually started writing it while bored in class. it was inspired a narration line in one of the fights in undertale, the one i used for the summary. the main thing i wanted to play with was metaphors and metaphors upon metaphors. mainly related to charas self hatred though the lense of soil and dirt and flowers and gardens because of course.

for my asriel fic, the main thing i wanted to play with was, quite obviously, writing from asriels perspective. i had already written 2 fics from charas perpective (the 1st one isnt as good as the other two and was mostly written as a characterization and perspective test) so i figured it was time to give him a turn, especially since it we only realy got a peak and asriels personality through charas eyes and i wanted to show it off more. the other thing that the fic ended up centering on is something my friend said to me about how they felt my chara characterization was screaming to be understood under all the hurt. basically the thesis of this fic is "asriel did not fully get chara but he was also the closest anyone ever got by a long shot which counts for something".

if youd like to see my other undertale stuff, here is some poetry ive written about chara (and asriel), here is my art tag which is full of stuff with them (alternatively, just use my undertale tag if you dont want art of anything else), here are my chara and asriel playlists that i always listen to while writing, and here is that chara essay i mentioned.

speaking of my thoughts on utdr... i actually dont post the majority of them. but id absolutely love to talk about them. so if you (or anyone else) have any questions about my thoughts on utdr or want to start a discussion about it Please do. Im actually begging you. i need more engagement guys send me asks. thank you for reading this absurdly long response

#raxz.ask #undertale

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warmaidensrevenge · 10 months

Text

Love and pinball.

Pairings: Eddie x Chrissy x plus!size Fem reader

A/N: Why hello there. I know I've been MIA. But I'm back with a new fic..this part is a little short. But don't worry it's going to get longer as I go. Also, I hope you enjoy the new collage I made. I feel like a little kid learning how to use paint. So hopefully I can make kick ass ones when I get better at it. Anywho, thanks for reading. And as always feedback is greatly appreciated. Feel free to comment on your thoughts. Kay love you byyye.

Word count: 4,037

I do not give permission for anyone to post this anywhere else. Please respect all creators.

Warnings: 18+ no minors. Angst, slow burn, sexual implications, open relationship, language and not proof read.

Part 1: Who are you?

Summary: Eddie never wanted anyone more than Chrissy. But that just might change.

" What about her?" Chrissy nodded her head towards a girl at the snack bar.

Eddie didn't have to look at her to know he didn't want her. He didn't want anyone but Chrissy. Since middle school he had been in love with her. So when he finally got his chance in highschool to be with her. He made a promise to himself to keep her forever. And up until a year ago things were looking really good. Now in their mid 20s, things became a little boring. Well for Chrissy that was the case. She had asked him if they could open up the relationship. Of course at first he said no. But he eventually gave in. He loved her deeply and wanted her to be happy. So he allowed her to do it. The rules were, he didn't want them over at their apartment and he didn't want to know about the sex. Just that they used protection and got an STD screen every 3 months. Now it was a year later and he was unhappy. He had been since she asked. But it got worse. Especially now. Chrissy had forced him to go to The Palace to find himself a girl.

There were a bunch of young ladies that work at The Palace. So she thought he might be interested. Since he spent every Sunday night here when she went out on a date. Little did she know, he didn't go there on Sunday's to check out the talent. He went there because he needed a distraction from what Chrissy was doing. That distraction being pinball. Before he loved it. He would take Chrissy out and she would cheer him on while he played. Now, not only did he go to not be alone. But he went because he had a very competitive nature. And some little dweeb kept beating his high score on the old Grand Prix pinball machine. The game was way in the back and no one ever played it. Well until a few months ago. Eddie seemed to find himself in a battle of wits with some kid. He assumed it was since the notes and the 1 quarter left behind were meant to mock him.

He never left any responses except for one quarter in the return slot. He thought that beating the kids' high score with exactly 1,000 points every time was enough to get the point across.

Officially annoyed with Chrissy asking 'How about that one?' For the 6th time, he said he was gonna go and see if the kid had beat his score. There were so many people today. That's why he never came on Friday's or Saturday's. It was always a Sunday night thing when he came. Not that he didn't like kids. He still hung out with his buddies from highschool. Still played D&D, and still had shows at The Hideout. It's just now, all those things became hobbies. And now he had a job. He always liked working with his hands. So a job as a mechanic was perfect. He had the weekends off and that's when he had time to do the things he loved. However this week he got lucky to have a 3 day weekend. In which Chrissy thought he would want to spend it finding a girl he could start screwing. When all he wanted was to spend the long weekend with her.

As he made his way through the sea of teens, he finally got close enough to see someone playing the very machine he was heading for. He got closer and was a bit taken back by you. The way you were dressed was a sight. Faded denim short shorts with a staff shirt that was tied in the back. Along with a pair of red chucks.

See if Eddie were to explain your outfit to anyone, they would think that there was nothing wrong with it. And there wasn't. It wasn't the clothes that made his eyes wonder and his pants tighten. It was your curves that had him in aww. From your large calves to your luscious thighs that touched, your perfectly wide hips and up to your hair in two very cute buns. From the back you looked great.

Eddie got a bit closer to try and see your face. But he didn't want to seem like a creep.

" Hey… Almost done." You said.

He looked around to see who you were talking to.

You chuckled. " Hey, curly McGee. If you're waiting for this. I'll be done in just a sec. I have to beat this twerps score."

Eddie smiled. How could he not? He had been completely wrong about you. He thought his arch nemesis was some little kid.

He finally saw your face and he couldn't help but laugh. Your brows were knitted together and your tongue was hanging out on the side. You were in the zone.

" YES!!! SUCK IT YOU PUNK!" You jumped up, pointing your fingers at the game.

Eddie took a step back to admire your little victory dance. Big beautiful breast bouncing, with a very stunning smile while doing the cabbage patch.

" Alright bud." You sighed after. " She's all yours."

" Uhhh cool." He said.

He then watched you pull out a piece of paper and jotted something down. Then placed a quarter in the middle and folded it. Putting it in the same spot as always. Just under the score.

You didn't look at him once. You just smiled at the game and left.

He reached for the note and rolled his eyes with a smirk on his face.

' Good luck loser.'

…

The next time he saw you was at the lake. Robin, who he now knew was your cousin, had invited him out. It was supposed to be fun. But Chrissy had a date. So he thought he would just have a beer and leave. That was until he saw you. You were in the water on a tube just laying there with sunglasses on and a pretty red bathing suit. Floating around with Robin.

Eddie said hi to everyone. Seems like all his friends were there. The only person who stood out was you.

He wondered what you were doing there. And how long have his friends been talking to you? He put down the foam ice chest he brought full of beer when you came out of the water and started walking towards him with Robin.

" Eddie. This is my cousin y/n. Y/n this is Eddie Munson."

Your smile was beautiful. Your sun kissed skin glowed. The way your bathing suit fitted you so tight, could have any guy on their knees for you. That being the case for him right now.

Robin playful pushed him. "Munson?"

Eddie blinked his thoughts away and shook his head a little.

" S-sorry Ed-eddie…Hi. " He said nervously. " I'm Eddie. Eddie Munson."

Your smile got even bigger and he swore his heart stopped.

"I'm sorry... Eddie is it?" You joked.

He chuckled and scratched the back of his head.

You turned your gaze behind him. "Hey Steven. Are you ready to get your ass kicked in volleyball?" You teased walking past him.

Eddie's eyes followed you. Figures a gorgeous girl like you wouldn't remember him.

" It uhh was nice to officially meet you curls." You spoke over your shoulder.

"L-l-likewise." He stuttered

He smirked to himself. Again you proved him wrong.

Robin pulled at his sleeve to get his attention. " Munson, I need to talk to you."

He turned to look at her. " Hey to you too. Nice weather we're havin'."

She shook her head. " Hi Eddie. Common. Follow me."

He agreed and followed her under a tree.

She hung her head and cleared her throat." So Chrissy called me."

He jerked his head back a little. " What? Why?"

Robin sighed and looked over in your direction. " Apparently, she saw you gawking at my cousin a couple weeks ago."

He looked over and saw you playfully pushed Gareth who was obviously trying to flirt. Why all of a sudden he was jealous. He didn't know. But he didn't like feeling this way for anyone but Chrissy.

"I wasn't gawking Buckley." He turned to meet her gaze. " I was surprised, because she has been the one who's been playing the Grand Prix. I just thought it was some little kid."

Robin rolled her eyes. " Well whatever you did, got Chrissy to call me and ask to find out who she was." She nodded towards you.

" Why?"

She sighed again. " She wants me to make sure you get on more than the first name bases, if you know what I mean."

Eddie swallowed the lump that suddenly appeared in his throat. He looked back at you and you waved at him. He smiled and waved back. Should he? Could he? He went almost 5 years without wanting to be with anyone but Chrissy. But for some odd reason, this time felt different. Maybe because now he was allowed to.

"Honestly Eddie, I don't like it."

He looked back at Robin.

" I get that you and Chrissy are in this weird relationship type thing. I'm not judging. But y/n is family. I know that we weren't close growing up and I just found out that we were related like a month ago. Now that I know, I want all of us to get to know her and spend time together… I'm not going to try and push you two together."

Eddie nodded. He didn't want that either. He didn't know exactly what he wanted. He just knew that even though he only got a max of 5 whole seconds with you, he wanted more. Though Chrissy came to mind. She always did. He knew that not only would this make her happy, but he had a gut feeling that you would be a great addition to the friend group.

" Look Buckley. I really don't want a relationship with anyone besides Chrissy. A friend, I can be. But I think that's all I can be."

Robin smiled at him. " Great! That's all I can ask for."

Eddie grinned and nodded. He really did mean that. However, things were going to happen that he couldn't control.

He walked over and sat on the grass near the unofficial volleyball ball court. He smiled listening to you talk smack to the other team.

" Oh I'm sorry. Was that a point?" You tease Steve.

" You touched the net!" He retorted.

You smirked." You wish Steven. Just admit it. You suck."

" Oh please. You wish you were as good as me." Steve bit back.

" By good you mean, a guy with tiny wrists like yours that can't jump. Then I'm okay."

Steve pointed at you. " Hey! You take that back before I come over there."

You stuck out your tongue. " Sorry. Sucks to suck Steven."

Eddie chuckled, shaking his head. You're feisty.

After the game a new one started up. You came over to him and held out a beer, while sitting down.

" You look like a blue ribbon type of guy."

Eddie nodded. " How could you tell?"

He took the beer and sucked on the fizz when he opened it.

You shrugged. " I don't actually know. Just a feeling I guess."

It was awkwardly quiet after you said that. For the first time in a long time he was actually nervous. He wanted to say something but nothing sounded good. Then he thought.

Volleyball. Ask about volleyball.

He cleared his throat by taking a drink of the ice cold beer. Giving him a little bit more time.

" It's getting pretty hot." You said shielding your eyes..

" Y-yeah it is."

" Want to cool off in the water?"

He looked at you and smiled. " Sure."

You clapped your hands and got up. " Common bud. Last one there is a burnt chicken nugget."

Eddie furrowed his brow and did a small laugh through his nose. " It's a rotten egg."

You turned around walking backwards. " I like mine better."

He grinned and got up. Following you to the lake. He stopped and took off his shoes and pulled off his shirt.

" AHHH MY EYES!" You teased. Holding up your hands towards him and looking away.

" Uhhh what?"

You laughed. " You need a tan curls."

" Today's the day for skin cancer I guess." He responded.

" Well no. We can't have that." You said coming out of the water.

Eddie watched you head to a bag under a tree. When you came back you had a bottle.

You handed him the sun screen. " Spf 75. Anything above 40 is good for ink."

" Didn't know that… Thanks."

You smiled at him. Making his palms sweat.

" Do you want help with your back?"

Umm I have a girlfriend." He blurted.

You jerked your head back a little and Eddie was too embarrassed to look at you.

Stupid stupid. Why the hell-

Your sudden laughter confused him.

" Uhh okayyyy…good for you bud. I wasn't hitting on you or anything like that. Just offering help."

He nervously laughed. " Erm…sorry I-"

" Nope." You held up your hand. " No offense. But you're not my type. And I'm sure if you didn't have a girlfriend. I wouldn't be your type either."

" Well you would be wrong."

You lifted a brow.

He gave you a thin lip smile. " I don't have a type."

You nodded. " I see. Well I apologize for assuming."

It was quiet again. Eddie didn't know what to say or do. He wished he hadn't said that. And now he was trying to figure out why he wasn't your type.

" So uhh do you want my help? With your back?"

" Y-yeah. I don't want to turn into a burnt chicken nugget."

You laughed. " I don't think anyone wants that."

He poured some of the cream on his hands and gave you the bottle. He braced himself for you to squirt cold lotion on. But he was wrong again. He felt your warm soft touch on his shoulders. You kept surprising him. Once you were done you gave him a slight push.

" Common curls."

He nodded. And before he got in two of his friends ran past him. Steve and Gareth grabbed you by your arms and legs. Both flinging you into the water. Before you went under you yelped. When you came back up you ran your hand over your face. Taking off your sunglasses.

" Oh you little shits!" You said through your teeth. Eddie came out to check if you were okay. You shook your head to the side to drain the water from your ear.

" You good?" He asked.

" Yeah bud. Ummm could you give me a hand?" You nudged your head towards the chuckling Steve and Gareth.

" With pleasure sweetheart."

You beamed a smile at him. " On the count of 3."

He nodded and you started to count. But when you got to 3. Instead of saying 3 you said 5. Catching him off guard. He gave you a confused look but you just laughed and lunged at Gareth. Eddie shook his head and went for Steve.

After a while Eddie found himself on a donut tied to yours. Just floating around. The sun was going down and he could hear his buddies playing around with fireworks. Normally he would be right next to them. Lighting a few, if not all of them. But being around you felt different. It was exciting and fun. You said and did things that had him on his toes. But as the sun set you seemed to be getting tired. You were less rambunctious and more calm. He was too.

" Why didn't your girlfriend come?"

He opened his eyes and looked over to you. " Umm. She uhh had to work."

You gave him a half smile. " That's a shame. I would have liked to have met her."

" I'm sure you will…that is if you plan on hanging out with us more."

You sighed and smiled at him." I look forward to it."

…

A few weeks after the day at the lake, Eddie was supposed to have a date night with Chrissy. However, she had to cancel due to work stuff. So bummed and bored he called up Gareth and asked if he wanted to go to The Hideout.

When they walked in and it was busier than usual. They found a couple of empty stools and hurried to grab them.

" What can I get you?"

Eddie looked up as you placed napkins in front of them.

" Hey! What are you doing here?"

You grinned at Gareth. " I work here sometimes. When it's busy like this." You looked over to him. " Hey bud."

Eddie smiled. " Hey sweetheart…can I get uh-"

You turned around and pulled out a beer for him. " Blue ribbon." You said with another beautiful smile.

He chuckled. " Yeah. Thanks."

You looked over to Gareth. " Let me guess." You narrowed your eyes for a second and grinned. " Apple wine cooler."

Gareth's eyes widened. " WHAT?! NO! Give me a blue ribbon too."

You leaned in so that only they could hear you. " I'll put that wine cooler in a glass. It will look like beer."

Gareth was embarrassed but he whispered a small thanks.

Eddie nearly spit out his beer. He turned to laugh.

Gareth punched his arm. " Shut up man!"

" Sorry man. That's just hilarious."

" Well I think that the man has taste." You winked at Gareth. Leaning over just a bit over the counter. " Honestly, beer and hard liquor are gross. Fruity drinks are the way to go."

You leaned back and rang them up. When you left to help other customers, Eddie couldn't help checking you out. You had on knee high boots with a tight leather skirt. It hugged your round ass so perfectly that he nearly drooled. And the pink halter top only added to your sexiness.

" She's something huh?" Gareth asked.

Eddie's tongue shot out and moistened his lips." I uhhh…yeah."

" She's single you know."

Eddie looked at his best friend. Giving him a thin lip. " I'm not."

Gareth sighed. " Maybe it's time you should be."

Eddie looked back at you laughing away. His heart leaped. "Maybe."

…

Later that night. You were trying to turn on your car. But it would work. Eddie stayed for a while after Gareth went with some girl. He wanted to make sure some drunk asshole wouldn't bother you.

He went outside when he didn't see you behind the bar after using the restroom. When he walked around the corner of the building he saw you lifting your hood.

" Hey."

You looked over your shoulder. " Oh hey. I thought you left."

" Was just about to. Uhh do you need help?"

You looked back down at the car. " I need a jump. I think I accidentally left my lights on."

" I have cables in my van. Let me pull it around."

You nodded and he went.

When he came back you were leaning against the car with your ankles crossed and holding yourself. Before he could actually think, he grabbed a blanket from the back and jumped out.

" Here. Don't want you to freeze sweetheart."

You thanked him and wrapped yourself up like a burrito. He smirked seeing how cute you looked. He went to grab the cables and started to hook them up.

" Try turning it on, yeah?"

You nodded and went. But it didn't want to start.

" That doesn't sound like your battery's dead. It sounds like your starter went out."

Your brows knitted together. "Oh…umm. Sorry. I didn't know. I thought I was forgetful again."

Eddie walked to the driver side and bent down so he could see you. " Don't be sorry. But umm all the body shops are closed right now. You could get it towed to one."

You looked away and looked like you were about to cry. " Umm yeah…okay"

The way you said it made him feel sad.

" Or."

You looked at him again. " Or?"

" Or I can go to the shop I work at and get a truck. Then I can work on it tonight."

He saw you blink away your tears.

" Um no you don't have to do that. I-I can wait."

" Hey." He said, grabbing your hand. "Let me help you."

A few seconds passed before you agreed.

…

You were sitting on his swivel chair. All wrapped up, watching him work. He could feel your eyes on him. And he liked it. Every once in a while he would look up and catch you just before you looked away. Every time he smirked to himself.

" S-so. Curly one. How long have you worked here?"

He grunted trying to get a bolt loose. " About 4 years."

" Nice. Do you like it?"

He quickly glanced at you and you were rocking back and forth with a little smile.

" Yeah. It keeps me calm."

" That's good."

He smiled at you and stood up straight to stretch his back.

" So uhh what do you do other than work at The Palace and The Hideout sometimes?"

" Oh just a little bit of this and a little bit of that."

He turned his head a little and side eyed you.

You giggled. " Okay. So during the day I work at a daycare. And nights or weekends I do side jobs. Like bartending or emptying out coin slots. You know. Real challenging stuff."

He laughed. " I can see how one would find that difficult."

You laughed and he felt a warmth in his chest that he hasn't felt in a long time. He bent over again trying to get access to what he was working on.

" How do you like working with kids?"

You got up and leaned next to him. " I love it. I have so much fun with them. And they're just so cute with their chubby cheeks and tiny shoes."

Seeing you so happy about your job made him feel excited for you. He was happy that you were happy.

" Do you plan on having kids?" He asked.

You sighed happily. " Oh I hope so. I want 5."

" 5? Really?"

You leaned over and caught his eye. " Oh definitely. Have to keep it an even number."

He chuckled at your joke.

" What about you?"

He stood up straight and wiped his brow with his shirt. " Uhh yeah. But I want 7."

" SEVEN!? Jesus!"

" What? Too much?"

You giggled. " Nah. That's a good amount. The bigger the family the more spare parts."

Eddie shook his head and laughed. " You're something else, you know that?"

" Thanks. I try."

You both stared at each other for a second. He wanted to move closer to you. He wanted to know how soft your lips were. How your tongue would taste like.

" So ummm." You broke eye contact first. " How does your girlfriend feel about 7 little ones?"

Shit Chrissy.

" Uhh we uhh haven't talked about that yet."

" O-oh. Sorry. I-"

" It's just uhhh. She's busy. And we hardly see each other."

You were quiet and Eddie could feel the tension building. He had a thought. Maybe if he told you the situation, could you be interested? Or would you turn and run away? A part of him wanted someone to talk to about this problem. But another part of him just wanted to keep quiet and wait until Chrissy finally gave it up. At the same time he didn't know if he could ever get back the relationship he had before. Did he still want to? Or was it time to move on? Maybe with you?

He went back to work while you went to sit back down. He didn't mean to make you feel awkward. But he did. And now you were quiet. He wanted to know what you were thinking.

" So uhh when do you see her?"

He didn't look at you this time. He kept his eyes on what was in front of him. " Well Saturday's normally. But she had to work."

" Oh... Well you'll see her in the morning. Make sure to give her extra kisses. And tell her you missed her."

That comment made him smile. He looked at you and you seemed genuinely sincere.

" Will do sweetheart."

" Good. Now will you hurry up. I'm freezing here."

He chuckled. " Yes ma'am."

…

#Eddie Munson #eddie stranger things #eddie munson x female original character #eddie munson x you #stranger things #eddie munson x plus size reader #eddie x reader #eddie my beloved #eddie x fem!reader #eddie x y/n #eddie munson #fanfic #plus size reader #New girl in Hawkins

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lloydfrontera · 4 months

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If og lloyd returns to his body after suho crosses the reincarnation gate what do you think will the frontera family and javier feel? Would they be glad for og lloyd's return? Particularly julian and javier?

so uhm. tumblr ate a similar ask i received before this one. like. the same premise so. i'm gonna assume it was by the same person. hopefully. sorry. anyway.

this is an evil scenario. i kinda dig it.

if lloyd crossed the gate and og lloyd returned to his body at that moment,,, there would be many, many conflicting emotions.

i'm gonna take the premise of the other ask and say the og lloyd that returns is the one from right before he got kicked out of his body. this is an og lloyd that didn't see lloyd save the estate countless times, didn't see the effect he had on everyone around him, that never had any reason to regret everything he'd done.

for arcos and marbella i think it would be an extremely bittersweet situation. they would be overjoyed about having their son again, they were absolutely devastated when they realized they'd lost him so i have no doubt they would be so, so happy if he came back. but at the same,,, it would be dampened by their grief over losing lloyd. they came to love him just as much as they loved their biological children, so they would mourn him just as much as they mourned og lloyd. and they would have to be very careful about how they express that grief lest og lloyd take offense to it and believe they'd rather have lloyd with them than him.

plus. well. og lloyd is,,, an asshole. and would presumably resume his terrible habits and attitude immediately, which would be jarring for everyone, but especially for arcos and marbella who deeply love their son and whose grief over suddenly losing him would probably made them romanticize his memory a little bit. it's a natural thing to do, everyone is a saint once they're dead, and while i don't think they completely forgot how terrible og lloyd was, it's a different thing to remember it while you're grieving and missing them than to see it in person again.

i think they would try their best to repair their relationship with him, grateful for the second chance they got with him, but i don't think they would get very far. the problem never was that they didn't care for og lloyd or didn't make an effort with him, it was that og lloyd wasn't interested in reciprocating those efforts. and it's really hard to make a relationship work when only one party is invested on it.

as for julian,,, it's hard to say because we never get to see how he feels about lloyd replacing his brother in the first place, which i think it's a shame cause he's one of the people who by all means has the most extreme response to lloyd in the entire novel. i think his perspective would've been really interesting to have but alas.

but,,, i don't think he would be happy at all. not even a little bit. maybe a part of him would be relieved his brother isn't dead, but that would be it. assuming this is in line with canon where julian has no idea his brother had been replaced, he'd first have to grapple with the fact that the person he came to love and admire was someone completely different than the one he thought.

that the brother that physically and verbally harassed him his entire life never changed. that the person he forgave and made peace with is not the one that hurt him in the first place. that the one that should've apologized and made amends with him is still the same and has no interest in changing.

that would alone would fuck anyone up, but then he has to also grieve the brother he'd come to love and really admire while having to watch the brother who he hated with a passion walk around like nothing happened.

julian hated og lloyd. he had an extreme hatred for him. and he was completely in his right to do it. so add to it the mess of betrayed feelings he would have plus the grief for lloyd plus a healthy dose of resentment and misattirbutted blame towards og lloyd for being alive when lloyd isn't anymore and,,, yeah. i don't think julian would have any positive feelings in this situation.

i think he would stay just long enough in the estate to be with his parents while the worst of the grief passed and then leave, with no plans of coming back unless his parents needed him to.

also i like to think that at one point julian snapped at og lloyd for one reason or another and when og lloyd went to hit him like usual not only did julian not flinch like he used but also sheherazade went absolutely ballistic on his ass. straight up trying to cut off his arm for it. javier was quick to stop her but like. it was a close thing even considering he's a grandmaster at that point.

after that og lloyd just avoids julian like the plague which suits all of them just fine. sheherazade especially. scary wife privilege <3

as for javier. god javier.

if arcos and marbella were happy about og lloyd coming back and julian was upset about it, javier would fall somewhere in the middle and also create a metric of his own.

just,, imagine the devastation he felt when lloyd crossed the gate on his own, his despair at not being able to protect the person he swore he would die for, then the bright spot of hope and relief when he sees him open his eyes and wake up, thinking that maybe, just maybe, fate was kind to them this time, maybe they get to have this one miracle, maybe they both get to life and be together like they wanted to... only for the slow and terrible realization that this isn't the lloyd he was hoping for. it's not his lloyd.

i think for one brief moment of grief induced insanity javier would genuinely consider throwing og lloyd into the reincarnation gate and see if that would bring back his lloyd. he doesn't of course, he immediately shakes himself out of it, but... the thought would've definitely crossed his mind.

because the thing is, while i've talked before about how javier wasn't glad about og lloyd being replaced and genuinely felt guilty for not being able to help him and for choosing lloyd over him, that's not,,, really because of og lloyd himself. like. it sounds harsh but javier kind of really hated the guy's guts. he cared for him as a member of the frontera family and would've genuinely tried to protect him had there been any need, but it would've been strictly professional and out of duty and loyalty towards arcos, not to og lloyd. which i don't really blame him for tbh! you reap what you sow and og lloyd earned himself nothing but javier's disdain with his actions and words.

but the point is! javier's interest in og lloyd is directly related to him putting his loyalty to arcos above all things. in the hell railroad arc that's his main reason to feel so conflicted about who to choose.

but at this point in the novel javier's loyalties have shifted. he's still extremely loyal to arcos, he still loves the frontera family, he still would protect them with all his being but... now his heart's loyalty belongs to lloyd.

I want to protect him. Lloyd is my true master in my heart.

and i think that, for one split second at least, the part of javier who would do anything for the people he cares about and is loyal to, would genuinely contemplate throwing og lloyd back into the reincarnation gate if there was even the slightest chance it would bring his lloyd back.

but he would quickly snap out of it. he is still very loyal to arcos and marbella, and this is their son, he's still a part of the frontera family and javier cannot, will not, risk his life on the small possibility it will save someone else. not even lloyd.

he would even feel guilty for having considered it in the first place, for letting himself be swept by his emotions, for being so selfish as to think about trading the frontera's son for the chance to get lloyd back. for knowing that even though he didn't do it, a small, grieving and half mad part of him still thinks it would be worth it.

i also think he would have a very hard time being around og lloyd but even a worse one trying to stay away from him. being in the same room as him would be bitter, disappointing and painful, but not being there would be maddening, every instinct telling him to go back, to see if he's alright, to be at the side of the person he'd spent the last few years protecting with everything he had. the one he'd been planning on staying with the rest of his life.

i think it was hard for him to come to love someone wearing the face of a person he hated. but it would be excruciating to see someone he hates wear the face of the person he came to love.

all in all. not a good time for anyone! which i think fucks i love this scenario it really woke up the brain worms <3

#hey i got an ask #Anonymous #tged #the greatest estate developer #lloyd frontera #javier asrahan #arcos frontera #marbella frontera #julian frontera #og lloyd frontera #sheherazade #come back right au

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