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leahseclipse · 3 years

Text

Distant memories

Masterlist

✧

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: Spencer is older and slowly notices that he's developing memory loss. One day as you come home, you find him frantically sketching his best attempt at his favorite memories with you.

Category: Angst / fluff

Warning: some angst, memory loss,,

Word count: 2.6k

Requested by @imagining-in-the-margins

A/N: I'm uh- wow, I'm writing a fic for one of my favorite authors, so I was all stressed and happy when I wrote it- but, I also thank her because it allowed me to write about a different subject that I wouldn't have thought of before now. (Don't forget to check her work btw!)

It's been a while since everything began fading away. He doesn't seem to remember, he tends to forget facts, what he wanted to do, where his favourite book is among all of the fifty others on the shelf.

And even though he didn't say a single word about it, you knew something was wrong.

He never forgot anything.

He'd even remember the emplacement of the scissors that was on the shelf of the bathroom behind the three boxes of medication and under the creams, and he hadn't remembered, you would have kept looking for another hour.

His memory never failed him. He remembers every single detail, from the blue pencil in the back of his desk that's under the pile of books, to the shirt that's in the closet behind a multitude of jackets, he would even remember the exact hour of each one of our dates, while you barely remembered the date.

Something was wrong, and he wouldn't tell anything.

Most of the time, you both were busy with work, which left little time to have conversations.

He wouldn't even talk about it when he had free time at work, he'd either leave you on read, or try to talk about a completely different subject.

You had asked about it to his colleagues, but you'd receive the same words you thought about.

'He doesn't want to talk about it.'

'He hasn't said anything.'

'I think something is up, but I don't know much.'

He would never say anything. No matter how hard you, or his coworkers tried.

Spencer was not acting like his usual self, you've known him long enough to know it. It wasn't really obvious the first day, and if it was, you hadn't really thought much, it would happen sometimes when he would really get tired, he would just forget some little things, and it would usually get better after a good night of sleep; but it didn't get better.

Emily had said to me that he forgot the password of his computer. He never did. He could even type it while talking with someone, thinking of another subject, he would type it in two seconds, but he didn't. He had stared at the screen for a minute before slowly typing it with hesitation.

He brushed it off when Emily had noticed it.

He didn't want to talk.

He never did.

You could see that it bothered him. He wouldn't appreciate it when he couldn't find what he was looking for.

But you didn't know anything, you didn't have anything to prove he was having trouble remembering. You could see it, but couldn't confirm it, he wouldn't say it to you.

He always talked to you about his problems, even if he usually was the type of person to keep everything inside; but, he had mentioned that as he trusted you, and appreciated talking with you, he'd always talk about what was on his mind, because he knew you'd always listen, and that you understood him.

And these last days, it was the opposite; he would get upset when you'd try to talk to him, get stressed about the tiniest thing, he was struggling, but kept closing the box with a key you couldn't reach.

The key always worked, but it just broke. From the moment he had stopped opening himself to you, it was like he had changed the lock. You couldn't understand him like before.

No one could understand him.

Every time you'd try to talk;

'It's nothing.'

'I don't want to talk about it.'

'I'm busy y/n.'

'I had a tough week.'

He'd stop the conversation.

There was nothing you could do at this point. You could only wait.

Wait in silence, until he decides to talk.

If he ever decides to.

------

This week wasn't a busy one this time. Various members of the team had sent messages to you throughout the week; either pictures of them in front of the tv, at parties, outside, they all enjoyed it as much as possible.

It wasn't exactly the case for you. You always had something to do, and your superiors never liked when the work was given late.

You couldn't go home early tonight, so you had texted Spencer so he wouldn't worry.

'I can't go home at 8 today, I have too much work, might go home at 9 or 10. Love you.'

After it, you didn't know if he had answered or no; you had turned off your phone before being seen by your superior and went back to work.

You couldn't stop worrying about him the whole time. You knew deep inside him that he wanted to talk about it, he wanted you to know, but he never would.

Two minutes felt like four, you couldn't stop looking at the clock, couldn't stop wondering when the work would stop.

You had to go home, talk to him. It had to stop, he was being too hard on him, all of this was being too stressful, he'd keep everything inside, you had to get him to talk.

You couldn't stand seeing him like that anymore.

The worry on his face when he couldn't remember where he had placed his book, the stress he felt when he didn't know what he had done earlier, you could see everything. It had lasted long enough for you to notice something was up.

You weren't being your usual self as well, you'd never rush at work, would always take time to talk to everyone, wouldn't arrive late to work, try to leave early, even if it probably was nothing compared to what had changed with him.

You already were ready to go from the minute you had typed the final letter and submitted your work; turning off the computer before rushing out of the building.

The reason why you were in a hurry was mainly because you wanted to see Spencer, but also because you couldn't wait to go home. It had been a long week with all that had happened with Spencer and the amount of work, so going home was relieving.

You couldn't stop but feel stressed the minute you stepped out of the car, heading the direction of the entering of the building.

You would wonder if you would finally manage to talk with him without him stopping the conversation or avoiding the subject as soon as you'd mention something having to do with what he was experiencing.

The sound of the elevator grabbed you out of your thoughts before you stepped out, standing in front of the door while reaching out for your keys in your bag.

You took the keys in your right hand, turning it two times, the click of the door shortly being heard.

You had taken off the keys out of the lock, tossing them on the shelf next to the door.

"Hey Spence, I'm home!" You said, heading towards the living room, assuming he'd be here, when you had seen him, sitting down on the floor in front of the low table, he looked like he had been crying. He was frantically sketching something on the piece of paper laid down in front of him.

"Babe, what are you doing?" You interrupted, as he looked at you with red puffy eyes, a stray tear coming out of his left eye.

"I can't remember. I can't."

"What can't you remember?" You asked, settling your bag onto the floor.

"Everything…I think. I can't seem to remember one of our dates. I've been trying for days. I can't remember it fully. I always think that I'm about to remember, but it's fading away."

You felt helpless at this moment. You didn't know what to do.

You were completely lost.

At this moment it felt like you couldn't do anything but watch him gradually lose his memories in front of you,

One by one.

You quietly walked in the room, walking to the table as you glanced at the paper.

"I...um, do you want me to help?" You asked again, watching him giving a small, but enough understandable nod. "Do you remember a little something from what you're thinking about?"

"...I think it was on a day off."

"Oh, right. That day. It was in January of last year, around the beginning of the month, I think. It was at the park right down the street. One of the rare days where we both had a day off. We didn't want to go too far, so we just went there. And it was enough. We spent hours talking, then stopped, we just stayed by each other for an hour. And it didn't matter to me, because I was with you." You told, wiping a tear from his cheek, as he took your hand before you had the time to take it off his face.

"Wasn't it...raining?"

"Yeah, just a bit at the beginning. It got worse at the end, we had to run back to the apartment with only your jacket on top of our heads to have a sort of umbrella. And even though I just wanted to change my clothes and jump on the couch, you had taken me on your shoulder and rushed me to the bathroom to take a warm bath so we both wouldn't get a cold. You were so worried the next day, even though I had insisted that I was fine."

"I always got worried for you. Even when you were perfectly fine. I'd worry every time you didn't answer one of my texts."

"Yeah, you'd always call all panicked." You chuckled, furrowing your brows in worry when he turned his face away. "Look at me Spence. Tell me what's wrong, you know you can tell me anything, hm?"

"I'm just so...sorry. I should have talked to you; but a part of me was terribly afraid. I couldn't seem to accept what was happening, I thought it would just go away. But I kept forgetting our most important moments piece by piece, every day, and I knew it wasn't going away, it's invading every memory like a computer virus. It's deleting everything on its way. Every memory we've spent building, it's going away. What am I supposed to do y/n…?"

"You were scared, and that is completely normal. I definitely would have reacted this way too. But, I told you , it's going to be okay. I'm here."

"But y/n, that's not fair. How am I supposed to comfort you by telling you stories, throwing random facts whenever you'd ask to, remember a memory when you'd mention it, I'm gonna keep forgetting it, and that's not fair to you. I can't accept the fact that I'm making you endure that, I-"

"Spencer Reid. You're not making me endure anything. I don't have an eidetic memory, but I still can remember some. I still can remember them for you. I can tell everything I know to you. When you'll forget one, I'll keep remembering it to you, as many times as you'd like me to. And that will be okay. Everything will be okay. Because we're in this, together. I won't leave, I'll be here with you." You said, smiling at him. "Do you have something else on your mind?" You asked, when you had noticed he seemed pensive.

"When you came to the bureau...for the first time, do you remember it?"

"Yeah. Um, back there, you had longer hair, they stopped at your shoulders, and I kinda miss them. It was in the afternoon, and even though I was supposed to come the next day like you had told me, I didn't really have a choice, because you had forgotten something at home; And as it was my first time at the office, no one knew why I was here. My name wasn't anywhere on the list, you had forgot to put my name on it. I had to discuss for a good one hour before you came here."

"...I think you had a blue top on."

"Yeah, a dark blue. The one I wore when I had met you just a few months ago."

"I'm sure you were beautiful. You still are."

"That's the first thing you told me, and the first thing you tell me everyday."

"That's because I want you to know it. You're the most beautiful girl I have laid my eyes on."

"And you're the most handsome man I have ever seen." You smiled, as you rubbed his cheek with your hand to comfort him, encouraging him to talk.

"...can you promise me something?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Despite all what's going on right now, will you still love me?"

"Always. You don't need to worry at all. I will always love you. Nothing's gonna change that."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing." You had assured, while you came forward, bringing your lips to his to kiss him gently before stepping back to look at his tear stained face. "Everything's going to be okay, don't cry."

"Okay, I'll try not to."

"Good, because you know I don't like to see you sad, it breaks my heart every time. So, we're not going to be sad, we're going to be happy, spend time together, make new memories, and take days off because who cares. You're more important than my work, you're more important than anything to me, because you're my everything."

"You're way more than my everything to me. You're even more important than my own life. I will never stop protecting you, loving you, no matter what." He said, as he brought his hand to my face. "We said that we weren't going to be sad, and you look like you're about to cry."

"No I'm not."

"You are." He argued, whilst a smile had drawn itself on his face. "You can't lie to me, you've never been good at lying."

"Okay, I was about to cry."

"And we said that we weren't going to, you remember?"

"I remember. Not like you."

"Hey! That wasn't nice." He pouted, pretending to be mad at you.

"That was fun!"

"Oh, you wanna play?" He challenged you, suddenly wrapping his arms around you, pausing for a split second before he began tickling you.

"Spencer! Stop, no— I'm going to kill you!" You didn't manage to place your sentence correctly, it was impossible at this point, you were laughing so hard. "Okay— okay! I surrender!"

"Oh, you do now? Finally. You're being a loyal wife for once." He joked, knowing that it would make you react.

"Loyal wife? Shut up genius!"

"You know that it's bad to be disrespectful to your husband. You really should be ashamed." He lectured, dramatically putting his hand on his chest.

"I'm gonna show you what's bad." You answered, taking a pillow from the couch before throwing at him.

"You're— you know you're not gonna win this pillow fight."

"Then try to defeat me."

"Oh, I will." He specified, walking towards you before he took another pillow, initiating the fight.

The rest of the night had gone by simply with pillow fights, kisses and hugs.

Only joy.

No tears.

You had made each other swear to not cry, and you were the one that insisted the most.

From now on, you'll make sure that he won't be sad again, you will stay by his side, remember him one of your dates, or two, or all of them. You'll do everything to make him happy, because god knows how much you like to see his smile.

And seeing him smile is what you want to see the most.

There will eventually be bad days, but you'll be here. You'll always be.

No matter what.

#criminal minds #cm #spencer reid #criminal minds fic #spencer reid fic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds x reader #cm fic #cm fandom #criminal minds cbs #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds angst

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thefatedthoughtofyou · 3 years

Note

Oh hey it’s me again!

I was thinking a fic where Bucky and Sam are arguing cause Sam did something reckless on a mission and Bucky freaks out but oblivious Sam genuinely has no idea why. And then Bucky accidentally yells ‘because I love you’

Pls and thank you!

{{ HELLO WELCOME BACK!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!!! I...LOVE prompts like this. And like... i know you just sent this but i saw it and had to write it immediately. It also got way longer than i expected, and there is some spicy stuff at the end, so there's that! Hopefully that's okay! I had no control! Haha! Thank so much again!!!!! I hope you like it!!!! }}

Ao3

Word Count: 4,031

Warnings: Some light angst, love confessions, and some implied sexual things at the end!

Reckless Idiots Tend to Fall

Sam wakes up in the hospital, his head fuzzy, pain shooting through his ribs like lightning when he takes a deep breath. He squeezes his eyes shut tight, trying to relax back into the bed without causing any more pain.

"Sam? Hey you good?" Torres. That's the voice Sam hears. He's still grimacing through pain, he relaxes his body at once, making a noise like he'd been punched. He opens his eyes, keeping his breathing shallow.

"Do I look good?" He grumbles, looking at Torres. The kid gives him this look, a worried look that makes him look like a fucking puppy.

"Honestly you probably look better than you feel." He says, fingers drumming on his knee.

"Yeah. Well you look nervous." Sam watches the kid flinch and glance at the door.

"I'm not nervous. I'm just on edge. Totally different." He says, eyes moving to the door and back again. Sam looks to the door slowly, expecting to see someone standing there, maybe someone watching them, there's no one there.

"Why are you on edge?" Sam asks, his palms pressing flat agaisnt the bed, he wants to move desperately, but he knows it'll hurt.

"Nothing it's just... Bucky." Torres says, quietly, like he doesn't want to be over heard, like he doesn't want to be saying it at all. Sam's stomach drops.

"What about Bucky? Is he okay?" Sam asked, keeping his voice impressively level for the amount fear turing his blood to ice at the moment. Torres' eyes widen and he raises his hands.

"Oh he's fine! Oh my god I'm sorry, no. He's- he's good he's fine, he's just... grumpy." Torres says, his voice going low again, like he might be heard through the walls. Sam blinks hard, his head still fuzzy from the meds, and looks around the room slowly, finally realizing that Bucky is nowhere to be seen.

"Is he here?" Sam asks, praying that he doesn't sound as hopeful as he feels. But Torres gives him those puppy dog eyes again and he knows he failed.

"Yeah. He just went to get some air I think. And maybe some water. He said he was thristy, kinda mumbled it. I asked him to bring me one, but I don't think he will. I don't think he likes me very much." The kid was rambling, if Sam's chest wasn't full of fire he'd have laughed at him.

"He likes you fine. He's just... like that." Sam says, moving his shoulders slowly, shrugging. Torres smiles at him and nods.

"That's fair. He's been through a lot." Sam smiles, Torres was mainly talking to himself now.

"Yes. He has." Sam sighs, resting his head back on his pillow. He tires to do some mental calculations, of his pain, but also of what had happened. He couldn't remember it very clearly. He remembers catching the little kid that had almost fallen, remembers nearly throwing them back up onto the building. And he remembers falling. The wind rushing in his ears as he fell through the dark. His wings had stopped working.

"I fell." Sam whispers, looking at Torres.

"Yeah. You did. For a little bit. You don't remember what happened?" His brow was furrowed with concern. Sam shook his head and almost yelled, pain stabbed at his head when he moved. Sam moved his hand up, feeling the bandage wrapped there.

"Jesus." He breathed, moving his hand down, and turning his head, slowly, to look at his friend.

"Tell me what happened." Sam said. Torres nodded and wiggled his chair forward a bit, the metal legs scraping on the tile making them both wince. Torres talked, and Sam listened. His heart pounding in his chest as he recounted the details.

Sam had fallen, hitting his head on the way down. And Bucky had jumped after him. No wings, no way to catch him really, but he'd jumped. And he'd caught him. He'd slammed into him mid air, wrapped one arm around Sam's middle, and he'd reached out with the other. His metal hand finding purchase on the building they'd been on top of seconds before. Torres had watched as Bucky's metal fingers had ripped into the side of the building, sliding down it, sending sparks flying, Sam held close to him as the ground approached. Torres had dove, and made it to them just in time to slow them down, lifting them both just enough to set them gently... ish, on the ground.

Sam stared at Torres. His heart pounding, his ears ringing, not knowing what to say. Torres looked back, that sad look on his face.

"He broke three of your ribs, but he saved you." Torres finally said, offering something else for Sam to react to.

"He jumped off the building." Sam said, not sure if it was a question or not. Torres nodded at him.

"He dove off. Like a swan dive. He has good form." Torres said, smiling. His face dropped into one of contemplation.

"Hey isn't he afraid of heights?" Torres asked as the door to Sam's room opened, and Bucky walked in, freezing in place when he sees Sam is awake.

"Yes, yes he is." Sam says, no longer looking at Torres.

"Yes who is what?" Bucky mumbled, his brow furrowed as he stared at Sam.

"Nothing." They both responded. Bucky's eyes moved to look at Torres, who looked at the floor immediately, his cheeks flushing, looking like a child who's just been caught causing trouble. And then his eyes were on Sam again. He stared for a moment and then narrowed his eyes.

"How do you feel?" He asked, his voice low, and there was something else there too, in his voice, Sam wasn't completely sure but he thought he sounded... mad?

"Okay I guess. My chest hurts. And my head. But I'm sure I'll live." Sam huffed, trying a small laugh and a smile. Bucky nodded once, his jaw clenching.

"This time." He says, his voice cold, and Sam watches him turn on his heel and walk out of the room again. The door slams closed and Sam flinches, grimacing from the pain it invites. He stares at the door for a long time before moving his eyes back to Torres. And fuck, he's got that sad fucking look again.

"Told you he was grumpy." Torres says, giving Sam an awkward smile, his lips pressed together.

"Yeah." Sam sighs, not knowing what else to say. Bucky hadn't looked at him like in a long time, and he definitely hadn't spoken to him that way. Sam wasn't sure he'd ever spoken to him like that. His voice had been so cold. And his eyes, they'd been dark. But despite those things, there had been some deep emotion behind his eyes, something he was holding back. Sam groaned and closed his own eyes. Knowing Torres was watching over him, he let himself fall into the dark once more.

He was in the hospital for a week. His doctors monitoring his head wound with care, and making sure his ribs didn't shift to any dangerous positions. Bucky didn't come back.

His room was always bustling though, doctors and nurses and Torres and Sarah and his nephews, but never Bucky. Not once.

Sarah picked him up on friday evening, asking if he'd come by. She accepted Sam's silence as an answer and didn't ask him again. They pulled up in front of her house and Sam frowned.

"There's someone in the kitchen. The boys aren't allowed to cook by themselves anymore." Sam mused, side eyeing his sister. She sighed and looked at him, her hand going to his shoulder.

"Don't be mad. And be nice. There's no fighting over dinner in this house. You remember that." She slapped his shoulder playfully and got out. Sam followed her slowly, his ribs aching, his heart pounding in his chest as he peeked in the window, the blinds were drawn but it didn't matter. He knew that silhouette. Knew those shoulders.

Sarah opened the door for him and the sounds of laughter hit him, spreading warmth further in his chest. The boys were clearly laughing at something Bucky had said. Sam breathed in heavily and almost stumbled, something smelled delicious.

"We're home! Be gentle." Sarah called and then admonished as the boys began to run to him, Bucky caught Cass around the middle easily and held him up. AJ had stopped rushing forward on his own. Bucky set the boy back down, not looking at Sam.

"Go wash your hands before dinner." He said, patting the boy's back twice, smiling at them as they both moved toward the sink.

"Smells good." Sarah said, moving to the table to look over the food that was already set out there. Sam's head was swimming, Bucky had a towel thrown over his shoulder, and he looked, comfortable. Or he did, until Sam took a step toward him. His eyes moved to Sam finally and they still had that look. Sam hadn't see him in a week and he was still glaring at him. He could feel Sarah's eyes on them, so he took a deep breath and moved a step back.

He felt, odd. Out of sorts. In his sisters kitchen. He just wanted to talk to Bucky, alone, figured out what the hell was going on. But the boys ran to the table, bumping into each other as they went, and the moment was over. Sam shook his head gently and watched Bucky peek into the over before grabbing the towel from his shoulder. He wiped at his hands and sighed.

"This needs about ten more minutes Sarah." He said.

"You leaving?" She asked, but Sam knew that voice, she'd known he would leave, but she sounded disappointed anyway. The boys settled into their chairs with a chorus of boo's, Bucky nodded, walking past Sam with a glance and a tight lipped smile.

"Yeah. Don't think I'll be very good company tonight." He mumbled into her shoulder as she pulled him close.

"Okay well," she paused, giving him a squeeze before letting him go.

"Thanks for watchin the boys, and makin dinner." She said, patting his cheek.

"Boys what do say?" She prompted, turning to look at them.

"Thank you Bucky!"

"Thanks for dinner!" They chimed at the same time, talking over each other.

"Hey anytime." He said with a laugh, walking past them and dodging a few punches, he paused at the door, looking at all of them

"Welcome back. Enjoy your dinner." He said, his smile much warmer now, and there was, sadness, in his eyes.

"Thanks." Sam mumbled, stilling feeling lost in his sisters kitchen. Sarah waved and closed the door behind Bucky. She moved her eyes to Sam. And stared at him. She moved her hand back to the door knob.

"You're going after-"

"I'm gonna go after him." Sam finsihed, walking out the door she opened for him. He rolled his eyes at her smug smile and cheeky whispered "Good luck."

"Hey." Sam said to Bucky retreating figure. Bucky didn't stop.

"Hey!" Sam called louder, starting after him, not moving very quickly as nearly every step sent pain shooting through him. Bucky kept walking.

"Would you wait a damn minute man!?" He yelled, grimacing in pain as he kept going. Bucky stopped. But didn't turn around.

"Go back inside Sam. Just go eat." He said over his shoulder.

"Not until you tell me what the hell is going on." Sam said, hobbling closer still, he could see the tention making Bucky's shoulders bunch.

"Nothins goin on man. I'm just tired. Those kids got a lotta energy ya know." He was aiming for nonchalant and noncommittal. He missed by a mile.

"Bucky." Sam said, no answer.

"Just," Sam swallowed hard, the lump in his throat starting to burn.

"Just tell me what I did wrong man. Cuz clearly it was something." Sam said, his voice pleading. And had he done something wrong? He wasn't sure. Bucky was... touchy, about a lot of things. Sam took a startled step back as Bucky rounded on him, his eyes shining.

"What you did wrong?" He asked, incredulous. Sam nodded, not trusting any words to make it past the fire in his throat.

"Jumped off a goddamn building. When you knew, you knew, your wings weren't working." Bucky growled, Sam heard his metal arm hum and saw his fists clenched at his sides.

"You caught me." Sam said, a bit dumbly. Bucky's jaw clenched and he took a step forward.

"Barely." Bucky breathed, his voice low.

"And that went well. You're fuckin ribs are broken. And what if i hadn't? Huh? If I hadn't caught you, where the fuck would you be then?" He asked, his lips curled in a snarl. Sam had never seen him this angry. He swallowed, his heart pounding in his ears.

"Torres was there. He'd have caught me." He reasoned, finding it hard to look away from Bucky's intense stare.

"Yeah? Maybe not. I slowed you down and he just barley made it to us. He was too fucking far away. And you shouldn't have fucking jumped." He said, his finger poking into Sam's shoulder.

"Alright look, I see what you're gettin at man, but that's the job. And he did catch us." Sam said, trying to reach out to Bucky, to put his hand on his shoulder, try to bring him back down. Bucky pushed his hand away.

"That's not the fucking point." He spat, rolling his eyes and turning away from Sam.

"Then what is the point? Help me understand." Sam said, doing his best to keep the tremor in his voice at bay.

"The point? You," he turned back toward Sam quickly,

"Need to stop being so goddamn reckless." Bucky said, his chest was rising and falling quickly now, like he'd just been running. Sam was so fucking confused. Recklessness was basically half of their job.

"I need to stop being reckless? You jumped of that roof too Buck. Just dove right off." Sam said, his arms flailing at his sides. What the fuck was Bucky talking about?

"I can heal!" Bucky yelled, his eyes blazing.

"I fall off a building, out of car, fuck I can jump out of a fucking airplane. I can fall off a goddamn train! But I heal!" He was still yelling, his voice breaking off an on, Sam's chest was aching, he wasn't sure what was happening but he wanted Bucky to stop worrying so much.

"Bu-"

"You fall off a building? And I'm not there to catch you? You die. You're gone. And then where the fuck would I be?" He asked, his voice was quiet now, he sounded almost as lost as Sam felt. Sam took a step forward. Bucky took a step back.

"I understand you're upset. It was a close call." Sam started, his voice soft, like he was comforting a scared animal. And hell, maybe he was.

"But man, that's the job. It's literally, one close call, after another. Every. Damn. Time. I just-" Sam sighed, squeezing his eyes shut hard and then looking at Bucky again.

"I'm still here. I'm right here. I'm okay. I just don't understand why your so pissed at me." Sam said, shrugging, trying to plead with Bucky, not sure what he was even asking for. Bucky stared at him. And then sighed.

"Just forget it man. Alright? It's nothing. Just forget it." Bucky said, sounding exhausted, he turned away again.

"Maybe I don't wanna forget it!" Sam yelled at his back, making him stop, he looked over his shoulder.

"I don't wanna forget it. You're upset. And I want you to tell me why." Sam said, crossing his arms carefully over his chest.

"It doesn't matter." Bucky said, his jaw clenched again, his voice fighting to get past his teeth.

"No?" Sam asked, walking forward, closing the space Bucky had put between them.

"It doesn't matter so much you didn't visit me for a week?" Sam pressed. Bucky's lip twitched, he looked like he was going to growl at Sam.

"Sam." A warning.

"It doesn't matter so much that you didn't even call? It's doesn't matter," he paused, poking Bucky in the shoudler like he'd done to him.

"So much that won't even have dinner with me and my family? But no I see it. I see how much it doesn't matter to you." He pushed on Bucky's shoulder until he took a step back, the fire burning in his icy blue eyes sending a shiver across Sam's skin.

"What the fuck do you want from me Sam?" Bucky did growl now, his voice rising again.

"Just tell me why the fuck you're so goddamn upset!" Sam shouted.

"Because I love you! And you almost died! Because you're a reckless fucking idiot!" Bucky shouted back. His face doing something complicated as he looked at Sam. His eyes darting around Sam's face, realizing what he'd said.

Sam couldn't breathe. His heart was pounding so hard he could feel it in his finger tips. They stood in the dark, Bucky nearly panting in front of him. Something fluttered in Sam's chest and he reached out, to touch Bucky, to grab him and pull him close, he wasn't sure. But he needed to touch him. Bucky slapped his hand away and started walking away. His boots scuffing on the asphalt.

"Bucky?" Sam called, begged, after him. He didn't turn around. Sam was frozen in place. He watched Bucky kick a cinderblock as he passed it, sending it flying into the air, it landed a few feet away, shattering agaisnt the ground.

"Goddamn it!" Sam heard him scream, his voice cracking as he walked into the dark. Sam let him go, watching him disappear into the shadows as it began to rain.

Sam waited four days. Four days of laying on Sarah's couch, nursing his ribs, his skin itching. He wanted to call him. To talk to him. So see him. He wanted to tell him that he wasn't alone. Sam knew how he was feeling. Every time he watched Bucky charge into danger he felt like his knees would give out. He just wanted him safe.

And Bucky had been feeling the same way. Only... deeper? Sam didn't know if that was the right word. But he did know Bucky didn't have a lot of people left. He had his sister, somewhere, he'd been too scared to go see her so far. Sam offered to go with him, when he was ready. And he had Sarah and the boys. And he had Sam. But losing family, and losing someone you love, are different things entirely.

Sam's chest ached as he stared out the window. It was still raining. It had been raining since Sam let Bucky leave. Bucky's face flashed through his mind, how open his face had been after he'd said it. His eyes moving over Sam's feature with haste. And it hit Sam suddenly. He had looked scared. Terrified. Of Sam? Of how he'd react? Of Sam not loving him back?

Sam grabbed his keys and ran out the door into the rain, the pain in his ribs completely forgotten.

He knocks on Bucky's door for almost twenty minutes. He knows Bucky is inside. He'd heard him turn his tv off when Sam had first knocked. It almost made him laugh. But there wasn't time for laughing. They could laugh later.

"Buck please." Sam begged, for what felt like the millionth time.

"Don't make me do this through the door." He pressed his forehead to the door for a moment, just resting there. He moved back when he heard the locks on the other side slide and click open. There was a long pause, and Sam could practically see Bucky steeling himself, setting his shoulders.

The door swung open slowly, and sure enough, Bucky's back was straight as a board. He looked tense, but his eyes were much softer than they had been the other night, though the fear still lingered. Before Sam had a chance to say his peace Bucky spoke.

"I'm sorry. I was an asshole. I was just- I was scared. I saw you fall and I thought I lost you." His voice was shaking, and Sam could see his eyes shining.

"I ca- I can't lose you too. Not you." He choked, tears falling and catching in his lashes. Sam sighed, his heart swelling in his chest as he moved forward, grabbing at Bucky finally, his hands on Bucky's neck.

"You're not gonna lose me. I'm here. I'm here and I love you too." Sam breathed, crashing their lips together. Bucky made a small noise, suprise making him gasp into the kiss, and then his hands where on Sam, pulling him closer. Bucky pulled back, looking at Sam, his eyes wide.

"Say it again." He said, breathless. Sam smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.

"I love you."

A kiss pressed to his temple.

"I love you."

A kiss pressed to his nose.

"I love you i love you i love you."

He pressed kisses into Bucky's skin as he smiled brightly, his hands moving up under Sam's soaking wet shirt, fingers pressing into his back.

"I love you too." Bucky whispered, pressing closer, kissing up Sam's neck, and then pulling his earlobe between his teeth. Sam melted agaisnt him and felt Bucky smile into his shoulder. He pulled back, hands settled on Sam's hips, still under his shirt. He stared at Sam and Sam stared right back. Both of them breathless.

"Get in here." Bucky huffed, yanking on the waist of Sam's pants, pulling him through the door and closing it behind them with a kick.

He was pressed against the wall in seconds, his stomach flipping as Bucky lifted him easily off his feet, his strong hands lifting him up by the thighs. Sam wrapped his legs around Bucky's waist and moaned when Bucky rolled his hips. His teeth finding purchase on Sam's neck.

"You're all wet." Bucky breathed into his neck. Sam shivered.

"Fuckin raining." Was all Sam seemed able to manage at the moment. Bucky hummed agaisnt the mark he'd left and then shifted back, his hands shoving at Sam's shirt.

"Get this off." Bucky breathed as Sam helped him pull the shirt over his head. It was then lost somewhere behind Bucky, Sam didn't care if he ever saw it again. Bucky pressed forward, his fingers digging into Sam's back, pulling him closer as he mouthed at Sam's neck again.

"Fuck." Sam graoned, rolling his own hips in time with Bucky's. He could feel Bucky nodding against him.

"Mhm." Was the hummed response he got before Bucky was lifting him again, Sam clung to him, his heart pounding as he pulled at the hem of Bucky's shirt, letting Bucky carry him, and then lower him to the floor. Bucky knelt between his legs, staring down at Sam, his eyes fluttering as his chest rose and fell. Sam almost groaned again when Bucky pulled his shirt over his head, Sam could have sworn he hear fabric tearing but didn't have time to think anything about it before Bucky was on him. Pressing himself between Sam's legs like he was meant to be there.

Sam pulled Bucky's face to his, kissing him again, their teeth clicking as they licked into each others mouths. He felt Bucky smile against his lips and let him go. Let Bucky do what he pleased. His mouth was hot on Sam's rain wet skin and Sam thought he might die. Just like this. It'd be a nice way to go.

Bucky nipped at Sam's neck again, hands moving oh so carefully over Sam's ribs as he touched as much of Sam as he could.

Sam clung to him, let Bucky have him. All of him. The push and pull of their bodies dizzying.

He clung to Bucky, listening to him breath Sam's name like a prayer against his skin.

He clung to Bucky, and let him take him apart, let him love him, as the sun began to break through the clouds outside.

#sambucky #winter falcon #sambucky fic #requests #winter falcon fic #request #prompt fill #my writing

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austarus · 3 years

Text

Frost/Caitlin Snow x Reader - 5 and 7

**A/N: The picture/edit/gif does not belong to me. It belongs to its rightful owner.

*I’m not dead, however, I’m slowly trying to get back into writing. I’m so mentally and emotionally exhausted from my uni and classes. I’m just so tired. I just want winter break to come. My professors and university don’t really care about doing their jobs correctly or compensating/accommodating the students during the stress of the pandemic. It’s harder at the hospital I work at. Break is coming soon and I have so many fics planned.

Word Count: 2453

“So, cutie, when are you going to tell them?”

You yelped in surprise at the source of the voice. Turning around you saw Frost leaning against the doorframe of your room. “Tell who- What- How the hell did you even get in here?” You raised an eyebrow at her while she strolled in and plopped down on your bed. You had no idea why she kept calling you pet names.

“I picked your lock.”

“Of course, you did,” you sighed, folding a shirt and setting it aside. You continued doing your laundry while Frost laid back on your bed, legs crossed. Glancing at her, you shook your head while she sucked on a lollipop. Caity had yelled at her for invading your privacy the entire time she was picking your lock. Frost payed her no mind. With your clothes fully sorted in piles, you picked one up and moved to your dresser. Bending down, you opened the most bottom drawer and placed the jeans there along with some leggings. Frost’s eyes racked over your figure.

She’s got a pretty nice ass, huh Caity?

Can’t you keep your eyes to yourself? Be respective.

Hey, (Y/N) started it a few days ago. Remember? And I’m being perceptive.

Caitlin had gone silent at the back of her alter ego’s head. A few days ago, you had accidentally stared a bit too long when she wore a deep V-neck romper. The back was completely open, and Caitlin was sporting her typical heels that day. The physician had caught you a few times, she just wasn’t sure what was up. Did it look bad on her? Was it damaged and you didn’t have the heart to tell her? Frost had… insisted on an idea, but Caity had shut her down. After all, you’ve only been ever interested in guys.

Her eyes were all over us. And her reaction when I came out was delicious.

“Nice panties,” Frost broke the silence, holding one up that had straggled far from you. Confused, you caught it when she had thrown it at you. It was a lacy deep blue one. You huffed and folded it quickly.

“Thanks, I guess.”

Your phone vibrated, with a frown you checked it. It was Cisco.

Ciscito: Is Frost/Caitlin with you? 5: 46 PM

You: Yeah? Why? 5: 51 PM

Ciscito: Good, keep her out of the labs for a bit. Barry and I are going to try to jumpstart the Speedforce machine thing again and she’s sort of been bothering us all day. 5: 53 PM

You: What? No? Have Ralph come pick her up! He’s better at dealing with her. 5: 54 PM

Ciscito: Too late... 5: 55 PM

You: She broke into my home! 5: 56 PM

Ciscito: That sounds like our frost queen. And Ralph’s busy with Sue 5: 57 PM

You: … Of course, he is 5: 58 PM

“I can see your nipples,” You snapped your head up to see the cold meta sit up on your plush bed. You felt your cheeks flush slightly as she smirked at you. Frost loved teasing you, “Right through your shirt. Perky. Cute.”

Don’t make her uncomfortable!

But its so cute and so easy to see her blush. Plus, you’ve seen her boobs in dresses before, they’re pretty cute. So squishy. I can just-

-They are- But that’s beside the point. Just, you know-

-I know, chill, I got this.

You rolled your eyes at her, “In my defense, if I had known someone was coming over, then I would have put a bra on.” You were having a lazy day today, deciding to just clean and not come into the labs. Originally you were going to just laze around without any clothes. You’re glad that you didn’t go through with that idea. “Don’t you have anything else better to do? Anyone else to bug?”

“I’m bugging you.”

“Besides me, Frost.”

“Nah, I’m good. Where’s your alcohol, by the way? I’m stealing some.”

“No, fuck you.”

“When and where? Because we can go right now,” The cold-powered meta pointed with her thumb on the bed. “Bed is right here so-”

“-I will hit that pretty face of yours.”

“Aw, you think I’m pretty. Caity, she thinks we’re pretty.”

“Oh my god,” you groaned. You always got into these sorts of… Well, you didn’t know how to exactly word it.

“So, when are you going to tell them?”

“Tell who what?” You rolled your eyes as she had followed you out of your bedroom into your quaint living room. Caity took the time to appreciate your small apartment. It was cozy, the color scheme fitting well with not just the décor and furniture, but with your personality.

“The team,” Frost simply stated as she ran her fingers over the cool marble of the side-counter attached to the wall and connected to the counter where the sink resided. You eyed the meta carefully, a ball forming in your gut.

“About what?”

“You know about what.”

“No, I don’t.” Pulling out the alcohol, you avoided her eyes.

“Can I use your bathroom real quick? Don’t want to break the barrier while drinking or else we both know there’d be no end to the bathroom trips for Caity.”

Hey! Rude! I’m right here.

But it’s true.

“First door on the left,” You simply said, pouring the meta a drink while you pulled out some snacks and ginger ale for yourself. Your stomach had been hurting you for a bit. Might as well entertain the Frost Queen while the boys finish. I swear, a warning would have been nice before she arrived.

Frost entered your bathroom and turned on the lights. She froze for a moment at the sight on what was on the arm of the bathtub. Before a snicker left her lips which erupted into a full-on laugh.

Is that-

-a dildo in her bathroom. Yup. Frost got closer and picked up the cleaned toy. She figured it was because the cleaning products for it was out on the counter. Which means she had used it fairly recently. Frost licked her lips at the thought of you using it. That same thought made Caity remain quiet and just feel hella bashful, yet… intrigued by it. Aw, that’s cute she can only take up to 5”. Bet you we can-

-Frost-

-get her up to 7”. Now that’s a delicious thought. It’s a good thing I bought the str-

“Hey, Frost have you seen- Oh my god- I- that’s-” You dropped your towel as you froze in the hallway. The meta turned around with the colored dildo in hand. Your ears had perked up at the intense sound of her laugh, wondering what she was laughing at. Well, now you know and you’re 100% convinced she’s laughing at you.”

“Not yours? I honestly find it hard to believe.”

You tried to form words, but your mind would not comply

“5 inches. That’s real cute. Caity thinks so too.”

Do not involve-

-You think it’s cute, now hush. I can feel your feelings too.

“Are you only meant to tease and pester me?” You flushed under her gaze, stepping over to take the dildo away. “Also, where’s Caitlin? Isn’t she supposed to be having the day to herself this time?” But she dodged you. Running out of the bathroom. You shut off the lights, because duh you pay rent and also save energy thus saving the planet.

“We sort of… switched it up. But this,” Frost held up the detailed dildo. The two of you kept running around the apartment like that. “You can do better. And you know what I mean.” Your heart stopped when she winked at you, giving the tip a slow lick as he eyes never left you. You swallowed hard.

“By the way, Caity and I know. Well, it was mainly me, but no need to be shy.”

“I- How?” You sighed in defeat because you couldn’t catch her. Well, you wanted to 100% tackle her to the couch and steal the dildo, but you Frost didn’t like anyone touching her. Instead you just took a seat on the couch while she moved to stand in front of you, the coffee table wedged between you both.

“A little birdie may have stared a bit too long a few too many times when we were wearing that v-neck romper.” She shrugged before taking a seat beside you. “And it really was adorable watching you fumble about and look away.” Frost smirked, resting her elbow on the back of the couch. “I wonder what else that face can make.”

You felt the air in the apartment get stuffier. “A-and Caitlin knows?”

“Oh, she knows. Now she knows. She just wasn’t convinced about my thought of you being gay… or well, bi. Mainly because you dated guys.” She handed you the dildo.

“Th-that did not mean I can’t be interested in girls. I just… never acted on it.”

“Oh, I know. She just didn’t want to assume and everything. You’re shit with talking to guys, so I figured you’d be the same way or much worse with girls.”

“Gee, thanks,” you rolled your eyes at her, setting the suction cup dildo on the counter. There was a silence in the apartment. You got up to grab the drinks, handing her the glass of alcohol on the rocks while you had your cup of ginger ale.

“Girls do it better.” Frost broke the silence and took great pleasure into seeing you almost choke on your drink.

“Where the fuck did that come from?”

“What? I was just stating an obvious fact in case you were wondering-”

“-I was not-”

“-Yes, you were.” She deadpanned, placing her alcohol down on the coffee table. “Oh, so Caity’s gonna tap in. Hold on.” You raised an eyebrow at the meta melting back into her human alter ego. Platinum blonde hair changed to a beautiful brunette color, eyes softening up as well.

“I am so sorry, I swear she doesn’t think before speaking,” Caitlin started apologizing, fidgeting with her hands. She was always so pretty and adorable when she did that. Or just whenever she spoke in general. “… But she is right.”

“About which part? That chicks do it better? That she can get me to 7”? Or that I’m shit with talking to guys and I would be much worse with girls?”

If she gave me one night, I’d get her to 7-

-Frost-

-Plus, who’d pass up a night of that kind of kinky fun.

Frost! Stop!

You raised an eyebrow and figured Frost was whispering her two cents into Caitlin, who was automatically flushing. “What did she say?”

“Too many things.” Caitlin roughly sighed, “I- we… sort of have been thinking and reflecting-” -Get to the point!- -I am! “A-and we wouldn’t really mind if- I mean we just. W-we like you. And we just wanted to know that we weren’t misinterpreting the signs.” Way to sound like a high schooler with a crush. Grow a pair woman and say that we wanna kiss and bang her like the world means nothing.

“I..” You took in a breath and held your cup with hands. A shaky breath left you. Glancing away, you collected your thoughts before turning back to an expectant Caitlin. “I really like you too. Both of you. Like… a lot.” Caitlin smiled, but you continued. Frost just whispered that she knew it and tried to get Caitlin to go in for the kiss. But Caitlin tuned her out. “At first, I… I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to say anything because I just- I just didn’t want to ruin our friendship. It’s- That’s why I kept going on those random-ass dates with some guys on bumble. It was actually fun taking some of the guys down a few notches. I swear the male ego is so infuriating sometimes.”

“Amen to that. Honestly Ronnie and Julian were one of the best guys in my life.”

You smiled back at her, “I wanted to convince myself that I shouldn’t be thinking of my close friend like that. But then I kept thinking and feeling. And here we are.” You gestured to herself and you.

Caitlin pulled you into a comforting hug, her arms around your shoulders, “When Frost came out, I did too. I think Cisco and Kamila were the first one’s to know. They did have to drag Frost out of a gay bar where she was literally arm wrestling the other drunk customers. Not one of her best moments.”

Caitlin pulled away abruptly, Frost coming out to defend herself. Platinum blonde locks, icy white irises, and blue lips. “Hey, it was one of my finer moments! I was kicking their asses left and right.”

“I never said anything.” You giggled and Frost just cupped your face with a grin on her face.

“You’re too cute to stay mad at.” The meta tugged you into a kiss, her cool lips pressed against yours, your hands lightly gripped her arms as your lips started smacking against hers in a rough-ish kiss. “Mm, you taste good. Like… vanilla latte?” Pulling away, Frost licked her lips from the kiss and melting back into the depths of her mind for Caitlin to come out to have a taste. Caity’s kiss was gently -sensual- unlike how heated Frost wanted to get with you. Damn, your heart was flying, and your panties were… well… yeah… You locked lips for a bit with Caitlin, nibbling on her soft lips before she finally pulled away with a small breath. Her cheeks were flushed and lips slightly swollen. She looked so cute.

Frost came out once more, pointing behind you, “You know, we can put that dildo to good use tonight.”

Frost, what the hell!

“Shouldn’t you take me out on a few dates before we go to bed?”

“Nah, we can do that tomorrow morning. Plus, Caity’s a big cuddle bug so be prepared for that. I’m more of a big spoon. For now, we can play with that bad boy,” Frost pointed to the dildo behind you, “before upgrading you the 7 inch that I have at home. And believe me. You’ll really enjoy it when I’m done with you.”

“As long as I get to do you too.”

“Obviously”

“Is Caity ok with it?”

“Oh, honey, she’s going to be more than ok with it. She’s flailing around embarrassed right now, but she’s hella wet so. Bed. Let’s go.” You couldn’t help the fit of giggles you had as she dragged you by the hand to your bedroom while holding the light purple dildo in her other hand.

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4stars-uswnt · 4 years

Text

If I Hated You [Alex Morgan x Reader]

requested by anon: Hey I love your works!! I was wondering if you could do a fic based on fletcher’s new song ‘if I hated you’ with Alex x reader, if possible with an eventual happy ending? If not I totally understand but thank you so much for all the fics you’ve shared and done for us.

requested by @eclipses77: Hey I was wondering if you could write a fix based off Fletcher’s new song ‘If I Hated You’ with any person you want but with a happy ending if possible.

A/N: thank you to both of you who requested this! and to the anon: i’m so glad you enjoy my fics. i have a great time writing them for you guys.

this isn’t really a song fic with lyrics and everything. it’s mainly just inspired Fletcher’s song, so i hope y’all still enjoy it anyways :) also i may have gotten a little carried away with it.

ps. thanks to @sauceysonny for talking through this prompt with me and letting me rant through my ideas

warnings: swearing

Listen to “If I Hated You” by Fletcher here

You throw the sheets off your body for what feels like the hundredth time that night. You had been tossing and turning, unable to sleep with the other side of the bed being so empty. You reach for your phone to check the time. 2:13 am. The photo on the lock screen makes your heartache. It was a photo of you and Alex that Kelley had captured in the locker room after the World Cup, your foreheads pressed together, oblivious to the rest of the world. Shutting your phone off, you turn over and stare at the ceiling, trying to figure out how you’d gotten here.

—————

“I can’t wait to see you this weekend.” You chirp, smiling at your girlfriend through your computer screen. There had been a week break in the NWSL season, so Alex had decided to visit you up in Seattle for a couple of days.

Alex gives you a sheepish look. Being able to read your girlfriend like a book, you feel yourself deflate with defeat.

“You’re not coming, are you?”

“Babe, I’m sorry. I have to go to LA for some meetings with the Olympics committee and with Angel City. I am so sorry.” Alex apologizes.

Her apologies felt useless at this point, as your girlfriend was always cancelling on you, putting you second. You look down at your hands, ignoring Alex’s gaze.

“(Y/N), I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I’ve been really busy lately.” She tries again, hoping to get a response out of you.

“You’re always busy, Al.” You mumble.

“I know, babe, and I’m sorry, but there’s not a lot I can do about it.” Alex defends.

You roll your eyes, annoyed at your girlfriend’s excuses. “Yes, Alex, there is something you can do about it. You can tell them that you already have plans. Or that you have to go visit your girlfriend, who you haven't seen in almost two months. Or that they can fucking wait because Angel City isn’t happening for another year and the Olympics aren’t for another eight fucking years.”

Alex sits on the other side of the screen stunned by your outburst. In your arguments, you were usually the calmer one, Alex being the one with the temper, but you just couldn’t hold it in any longer.

You sigh, tired of fighting with the other woman. “Al, maybe we should just take a break.”

“What?” Alex sits up at that, leaning closer to the screen.

“Look, I know we love each other and everything, but recently it just feels like our relationship is strained by the distance and all of our commitments.”

“You mean my commitments.” Alex countered.

“I didn’t say that, Alex. Stop putting words in my mouth. We are both to blame here. I just feel like we need some time to ourselves to figure out what we want from this relationship.”

Your heart aches, as the words leave your mouth, and as you see tears form in Alex’s eyes.

“Are you sure? Because I don’t wanna take a break.” She whispered.

“Al, I don’t wanna take a break either, but all we’ve been doing lately is arguing, and I just think we should take a little time to evaluate our own lives.” You feel tears pooling in your eyes.

“Okay, if that’s what you want, love.” Alex nods, wiping her face.

“I think it’s what we need.” You swallow the knot in your throat. “This isn’t the end, Al.”

“It better not be.” She lets out a watery chuckle, and you fondly smile.

“See you later, Ali-gator.”

Alex smiled at your nickname for her. The two of you vowed you would never actually say ‘goodbye’ to each other because you always knew you’d see each other again.

“See you in a while, crocodile.”

—————

That conversation was almost two weeks ago, and since then, you had been an absolute mess. Although you were used to being alone in Seattle, being on a break from your relationship made you feel even more lonely. In the past couple of weeks, you had barely left your apartment, only going out for training, games, and the necessary grocery shopping.

Your phone had been blowing up with text messages from your national team teammates, who were all concerned about you after hearing the news. Not bothering to give any of them any details, you responded to the group chat with an ‘I’m fine, you guys. Please respect me and Alex’s privacy.’ Alex soon replied, adding ‘What (Y/N) said. We love you guys, but we need to work through this ourselves.’ Both of your texts received many hearts and likes, following with ‘We’re here’ and ‘Love you guys’ from the women, and the texts stopped after that.

In Orlando, Alex hadn’t been faring any better. After returning from LA, she spent most of her time moping around her house in sweatpants and a hoodie she’d stolen from you. Ali, Ash, and Syd would all stop by or invite her over to cheer her up, but Alex was heartbroken without you.

—————

The next morning, after having gone to bed at around 3 am, you slip on a pair of shorts and one of Alex’s Cal hoodies and drag yourself to training.

As you walk into the locker room, Allie and Megan exchange a look of concern, noticing the bags under your eyes and your hood pulled over your head. Your two national team teammates had been worried about you for the past couple of months, even more so in the recent weeks when you and Alex had decided to take a break. They knew the distance was causing you stress, and now the separation was causing you heartbreak. But every time either woman tried to approach the subject, you shut them out, insisting you were okay, when you clearly were not.

Towards the end of practice, after another one of your passes goes awry, Farid calls you over.

“(Y/N), you doing okay?” He asks, eyebrows furrowed. He had heard the whispers in the locker room, your teammates voicing their concerns, and he could tell something was bothering you, so much so it was disrupting your play.

“Yes, coach.”

Not wanting to push you, he hums. “Okay, then you better start playing like you’re doing okay.”

You nod, embarrassed by your own unprofessionalism. “Of course, coach, sorry.”

He blows the whistle, ending practice, and you scurry back to the locker room.

Back in the locker room, as you’re taking off your cleats and packing up your bag, Allie slips into the seat next to you.

“(Y/N), you wanna come over later?” Allie places a hand on your knee. “We’re having a barbecue. Megan and Sue will also be there.”

You snort. “And be a fifth wheel? I’m good, Allie, but thanks for the invite.”

“(Y/N),” she starts again, “even though I’m Alex’s best friend doesn’t mean I don’t care about you either. Megan and I, and the whole team really, are here if you ever wanna talk.”

“Thanks, Allie.” You smile, as you stand up, swinging your backpack over your shoulder. “Maybe I’ll stop by for a little bit.”

“Awesome.”

—————

Later than evening, you made your way over to Allie and Bati’s place, ultimately deciding that being a fifth wheel was better than sitting at your apartment alone with another box of takeout.

You enter through the side gate, heading into the backyard, where Bati is barbecuing and Megan, Allie, and Sue are chatting around the table. Hearing you open the gate, Bati looks up from the grill.

“Hey! Look who made it!” He gives you a big grin, opening his arm up for a side hug, which you accept.

“Hey, Jose. Thanks for having me.” You softly smile.

“Of course, (Y/N).”

“Aye! (Y/N)! Get your butt over here!” Megan calls from across the yard, waving you over.

“The queen is calling, so I must go.” You joke, making your way over to the table.

“(Y/N/N), I’m glad you could make it.” Allie gives you a brief hug. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Water would be great.” You thank her, before turning to Megan and Sue.

“Long time no see, Birdie. Good game the other day. You played, eh, okay.” You smirk at the basketball player, who just rolls her eyes.

“It’s good to see you too, (Y/N/N). Thanks. A triple double is okay. But I dunno if I could say the same about you. I hear you’re not playing like the superstar you are.” Sue teases, resulting in a slap from Megan, who gives her girlfriend a warning glare.

You ignore the pink-haired woman and the ache in your chest. “Just having a couple of bad practices. I’ll be tearing up the field in no time.” You boast flippantly.

Seeing past your confident facade, Megan narrows her eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay, (Y/N)?”

“P, I’ve told you a million times. I’m fine.” You give her a tight smile, silently telling her you don’t want to talk about it.

Before Megan can ask you anymore questions, Allie and Bati approach the table with plates of food in their hands.

“Time to eat!” Allie cheers. “Oh, and, (Y/N), here’s your water.”

You mutter out a ‘thanks’, and take a large gulp, pushing down the knot forming in your throat.

—————

Dinner went smoothly the five of you discussing an array of topics, ranging from the upcoming NWSL and WNBA season to the election to the newest Italian restaurant that opened downtown.

By the time you all are finished eating, it’s dark out, leaving only the fairy lights to illuminate the yard. You go to clear your plate, but before you can stand up, Bati grabs it from you.

“Don’t worry, (Y/N/N). I got this.” He motions for you to sit back down, before reaching to collect the rest of the plates. “Why don’t I clean up and leave you ladies to chat?” Bati quickly pecks Allie’s cheek, before heading back inside.

Once it is just the four of you, Megan turns to you.

“(Y/N), seriously, how are you feeling?”

You internally groan. You should’ve known this was gonna turn into an intervention. Before you go to respond, the older forward continues.

“And don’t give me that ‘I’m fine. I’m good’ bullshit.” She raises her eyebrow, daring you to challenge her. “Because obviously you’re not fine, and you’re not good. For the past two weeks all you’ve been doing is moping around your apartment, wearing nothing but sweats. You’ve barely eaten an actual meal until today, nor gotten a good night’s sleep. And to top it all of you’ve been playing like crap!”

Sue hits Megan’s arm and scolds her. “Megan!”

The pink-haired woman faces to her girlfriend. “No! I’m not going to sugar coat it. (Y/N) needs to hear this, and she needs to talk about.” Megan turns back to you and softens. “(Y/N/N), you can’t keep bottling up all your feelings. We care about you, and we’re here to listen, so please talk to us.”

Both Allie and Sue nod along with Pinoe’s words.

“Honestly,” you take a deep breath, before starting, “I’m a mess. Like before, I was annoyed and angry that Al was making me a second priority, but now I’m just sad and heartbroken that she’s not here with me.” You finally confess to the other women, feeling like a weight has been lifted off your chest. “And, I mean, I didn’t want to take a break, but our relationship just felt strained. Like we weren’t communicating, and I think the distance was getting the best of us, especially with all of our commitments. I don’t know. Do you guys think I made the right decision?”

Not knowing what to say, the three woman look at each other, searching for answers. Finally, Sue speaks up.

“(Y/N), none of us can know if you made the right decision.” She reaches to squeeze your hand. “Only you and Alex can know what’s right for yourselves and your relationship.”

You nod in understanding. “I love her so much, and I wish we could just be together because all I want is to be by her side.” You whisper, your eyes getting misty. “Ugh, I just miss her so much.”

“I miss you, too.”

You whip your head around. There, in all her glory, stood Alex Morgan. She doesn’t look any better than you, your Reign sweatshirt hiding her muscular frame and dark circles forming under her eyes. Your lips part, as you’re completely speechless.

“You’re car wasn’t in your lot, so I assumed you were either here or at Pinoe’s. This was my first stop, and here you are.” Alex shifts uncomfortably in the silence, her usual confidence faded.

You turn back to face Allie, Megan, and Sue, your eyes narrowing. “Did you three know about this?”

“No!” They all exclaim, Megan holding up her hands in innocence. You continue to stare at Allie, not convinced she had no part in this.

“I swear, (Y/N), I had no idea about this.” She insists, as you relent your accusatory glare.

“(Y/N),” Alex comes up from behind you, “they had nothing to do with this, so please don’t be mad at them. I came here all on my own because I wanted to talk to you. I needed to see you.”

You nod. “Ok.”

“So, can we talk?” She sheepishly asks. “Alone, if that’s okay with you?” She adds, pleading her friends to leave you two to talk.

The three women take the cue and head back inside, leaving you alone with Alex, who sits in Pinoe’s seat across from you.

You sit in awkward silence for a few minutes, neither of you knowing where to start.

You decide to break the silence. “How’ve you been?”

She looks up from her fidgeting hands. “Uhh. Good. I’ve been good.”

You smirk, raising your eyebrow. “Al, c’mon, I know you like the back of my hand. How have you actually been?”

Alex sighs. “To be honest, I’ve been miserable.” She looks up, locking eyes with you. “I missed you, and I just wanted be with you, or even just hear your voice.”

You nod, knowing the feeling. “I missed you too, Al.”

“But you were right.” She confesses, as you tilt your head, confused. “We, or at least I, needed this break. It helped me realize what was important in my life, and that’s you, (Y/N). I can live without all those brand deals and sponsors, hell, I can even live without soccer, because none of that means anything if I can’t share it with you.”

By that point, both you openly had tears streaming down your faces.

“So, I promise to be better and to be more committed to our relationship. And I’m sorry that I ever put you as a second priority because you’re not. You’re my number one.” Alex concludes, wiping the tears from your cheeks.

You let out a small chuckle at her cheesiness. “Thank you for your apology.” You take her hand. “And I’m sorry that didn’t make enough of an effort either.” Before Alex can protest, you squeeze her hand. “Al, a relationship is between two people. This wasn’t just your fault, okay? We both played a part.” You assure, quelling her guilt.

“So can we end this break and be back together?” Alex whispers hesitantly.

Beaming, you pull her in for a searing kiss, your first in almost three months. Her soft lips melt against yours, and you could taste the sweetness of her vanilla chapstick mixed with the saltiness of her tears. Before you could deepen the kiss, you hear Allie call from inside.

“No sex in my yard please!”

You rest your head on Alex’s shoulder, as the two of you laugh at your friend’s antics. Your girlfriend caresses your cheek, guiding you to lock eyes with her pleading blue orbs.

“Do you forgive me?”

You nod. “Yes, Al, I forgive you.”

“Good. I thought you hated me.” She mumbles.

“I could never hate you, even if I tried.”

Alex smiles, leaning in for another kiss, before you hold up your hand.

“But, Al, your words are nice and all, but I have to see it. You have to prove to me that you’re committed to this relationship, especially if it’s long distance. And I will work to do the same. Okay?”

“Of course, (Y/N/N).” She nods her head eagerly. “So, I’m guessing it’s okay if I stayed here with you in Seattle for the next week?”

Your eyes widen. “What?”

“They had to cancel training and matches for the next week because of some flooding issues at the facilities. So I’m all yours until next Sunday. That is, if you’ll have me.”

You jump off your seat and into Alex’s lap, pulling her in for another kiss. “Who am I to refuse such a pretty lady?” You tease, giving her nose a kiss.

“Alex and (Y/N) sitting in a tree…!” Allie sings, as her, Megan, and Sue approach the two of you.

“I take it you two made up?” Megan gestures to your position in Alex’s lap.

“Yes, we made up.” You grin, as your girlfriend kiss the top of your head.

“Good. I’m glad.” She returns a smile, and you mouth a ‘thank you’ to her.

“Me too.” Alex beams, turning to look at you. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” You bring her in for a sweet chaste kiss.

“Hey! What did I say about no sex in my yard!” Allie playfully scolds.

“It’s not my fault (Y/N) can’t keep her hands off me.” Alex smirks.

You gasp, jumping out of your girlfriend’s laugh. “Hey!”

“I’m only kidding, babe.” She rolls her eyes, pulling you back into her lap.

You cross your arms and pout. “I hate you.”

Alex chuckles, as she buries her face in your neck, giving you a kiss. “No you don’t.”

You smile, turning to the woman you love, and give her a quick peck. “You’re right. I don’t.”

#uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #alex morgan x reader #alex morgan imagine #alex morgan imagines #uswnt #alex morgan

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mrs-hilmarson · 3 years

Text

Run To Me (Part 4)

Pairing: Diane Sherman x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

TW: Brief mention of vomiting. I don’t want anyone getting triggered, so I would rather be overly cautious!

A/N: If you would like to be on a tag list for this fic, please add a comment below or shoot me a message! Excited about the next chapter, things are coming. Again thank you for the love. I am having so much fun writing this and it means even more when you have people who enjoy reading it!

Even though it had been four whole days since the accident, you were not feeling better. Diane had said that the day after was supposed to be the worst, but it seemed like you felt weaker each day. Diane was keeping a close eye on you though, making sure you weren't running a fever and that the road rash and cuts weren't getting worse. She said if you got any weaker, she would bring you to the local urgent care to make sure something serious wasn't going on.

Though you weren't feeling well, you enjoyed the days spent with Diane in the quiet little house, just the two of you. You had learned a lot about each other in the past few days, developing a routine with one another that always ended the day with a cup of that nasty ass tea, but deep and sweet conversation.

You hadn't gone into too much detail about your past quite yet, about your mother or father or what it was like in the foster home. You shared mainly surface level things and funny memories that were light hearted. You knew the heavier stuff would be discussed eventually. Although you were choosing to keep the painful memories of your past to yourself for the time being, Diane had opened to you almost immediately.

You found out she didn't have parents either, her mother dying when she was a child and she was married when she was very young, to an abusive husband that left her for another woman only a year and a half into the marriage. Soon after she found out she was pregnant and she decided to not reach out to her ex-husband and to just raise the baby on her own. Unfortunately she developed high blood pressure and delivered the baby too soon, and she died in Diane's arms before she even had time to discuss options. Her name was Chloe and Diane chose to live a quiet life after that. She moved to Washington only a few years ago and put herself into teaching, science, and her garden. She always wanted a child, but she was just never able have one again.

When she told you that, your heart broke for her. Of course she was so willing to take you home with her. She was lonely! She had promised to take care of you, but you knew as soon as you were back on your feet, you were going to try and care for her too. In whatever way she would let you. You weren't Chloe, and you could never be Chloe, but you could love her with all your heart.

It had been another rough day, as you had suddenly developed a bad headache and had felt queasy for most of it. You didn't really eat much of your dinner, pushing it around your plate. You didn't want to tell Diane you had vomited up breakfast. If she knew you were barely keeping things down, she may get worried.

Diane cleared the plates from the table and brought them to the sink. She noticed you didn't eat more than a few bites. She didn't say anything but turned to you and smiled.

"How about you go ahead and sit on the couch? I'll be there in just a minute," she said quietly. Her voice had seemed to grow more gentle towards you each day.

You smiled wearily and went to the living room, lazily sitting down on the couch. It could have only been a few minutes, but you somehow managed to fall asleep. You were constantly tired and wanting to nap. Diane said it was a good sign because it meant your body was trying to heal itself.

You were woken up by the couch dipping under Diane's weight. You opened your eyes and saw her smiling at you, holding a bowl of something brown. It smelled sweet and you looked at her suspiciously.

"What's that? No tea tonight?" you asked, hopeful.

Diane chuckled and pulled out two spoons, sticking it into the bowl.

"No, no tea tonight. I don't want you to get too much of those herbs and vitamins. And this, it's brownie batter. Me and my friends as teenagers would make a bowl of it and eat it as we talked about boys and school and our dreams," she said, picking up a spoon and licking off the chocolate from it.

You couldn't help but smile as you took a spoon and licked at it cautiously. You had never had the stuff and it was intoxicating. You shoved the whole spoon in your mouth, ready to inhale the entire bowl.

Diane laughed and pulled the bowl towards her.

"Alright, alright speedy... don't eat it too fast. You'll get sick."

You forced yourself to go slower, but the moment Diane turned around you would be sure to put as much of it in your mouth that would fit. This was worth getting sick over. Diane stared at you, drinking up the image of you enjoying the treat she had brought.

"You know," Diane hummed, "I always thought I'd do this one day with my daughter. Make it a tradition and she'd tell me her secrets and we would be best friends."

You're heart ached in your chest. You knew she meant Chloe and you knew she would rather her be on the couch than you. Suddenly the batter didn't taste as sweet. You put the spoon into the bowl and left it there. You looked up at Diane and saw she was almost beaming at you though.

"I'm glad I get to do it with you," she said, picking up the spoon with her other hand and letting you eat off it.

You felt really confused, but happy at the same time. You knew you weren't her daughter, but sometimes the way she said things or looked at you, it was like she wanted you to be. As if that's how she saw you. You weren't sure if you saw her as a mother though, you didn't really know what that felt like. It was complex for you.

"So, Y/n, tell me. What did you do with your friends? Did you have any special traditions with the girls?" Diane asked, eating another spoon of the batter, it dripping onto her lips.

It broke you from your anxious thoughts and had you now thinking about your past. It wasn't that much better but at least it would keep you talking.

"Well, I really wasn't in one place long enough to make any traditions with my friends. But me and my foster sister, the one who lives in town, we would go and sneak out of our group home and head to the woods behind it. The woods had fireflies in them and we would go see the 'light shows' and talk about a bunch of different things. What our families could have been like, what we were going to do when we aged out, the issues we had at the home."

You remembered those nights fondly, some of the few good memories you had growing up. You wondered if there were any woods in the area and if they had fireflies. Maybe you could go and see a 'light show' for old times sake. You would ask your sister when you saw her. But you needed to call her first.

"Uh Diane, could I possibly use your phone?"

Diane suddenly stiffened, the spoon thudding back into the batter. Her face seemed to harden just for a moment before quickly returning to the warm look she often gave you. It took her a moment to respond, making the air between you thick for some reason.

"Sure. Are you okay?" she said, her voice sounding concerned.

She seemed like she was worried and you wondered if she thought she had upset you.

"Oh yeah! I'm fine. I just actually wanted to call my sister and let her know I made it here and that I'm safe and see when she wanted to meet up," you said in a confident tone, hoping to ease her mind.

Her face seemed to twitch and she swallowed hard, clearing her throat. She smiled at you though and you just shrugged off her strange reaction. She pointed to the kitchen where the phone hung on the wall. Diane had phones with chords still in her house, which you found charming, but also a little inconvenient that you couldn't step outside.

"You're welcome to call your foster sister," she said, saying the word 'foster' strangely, "I'm going to go upstairs and get ready for bed to give you some privacy."

She smiled at you and brushed your hair behind your ear before getting up and heading to her room. You waited until you could no longer hear her footsteps before leaning over the brownie bowl and quickly stuffing your mouth with as much batter as you could. As soon as you swallowed it all, you realized you may have made a mistake, but you could regret it later.

You walked over to the phone and pressed the buttons to the number you had memorized by heart. You felt nervous suddenly even though nothing had changed and you had just talked to her a week ago. Your heart race increased with each ringer, anxious to hear her voice.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice on the other side of the phone croaked.

"Mandy? Mandy, its Y/n."

There was some rustling on the other side of the line and you were pretty sure you had woken Mandy up, but you knew she wouldn't mind.

"Hey! I was wondering when I would hear from you. I was a little worried. You were supposed to call me like two days ago," she yawned.

"Yeah I'm sorry. I had a little set back. But I'm here in town and I'm staying with a woman I met-"

Mandy cut you off with a very obnoxious "Ooooohhhhhh!"

"Shut up. It's not like that. She's just a really good friend that I was lucky enough to meet. Now before you say anything else stupid, when and where do you want to meet?"

Mandy chuckled on the other end. She knew you hated being picked on and anytime she sensed even the possibility of making you uncomfortable, she had to crack a joke.

"Well, I have class tomorrow, but I am free after lunch. There is a nice little coffee shop book store on Howard. You can meet me there at like 2PM. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah, that's perfect. I can't wait. I've missed you so much Mandy," you said, tears prickling at your eyes.

"I've missed you too lighting bug. So tell me, who is this lady you are-"

Suddenly Mandy's voice cut off. You pulled the phone away from your ear, not even hearing a dial tone. You messed with the phone for a moment before realizing the line was dead.

"Diane?" you called out, sticking your head around the corner.

Diane was right there, breathing heavy as if she had been running. She startled you and you stared at her, mindlessly passing the phone to her.

"Your phone line went dead," you mumbled.

Diane put the phone to her ear and pressed a few buttons before hanging up.

"I'll call the phone company in the morning. Sometimes someone hits a line and the whole thing goes dead. Were you able to call your friend though?" she asked, leaning against the wall.

You noticed she said friend this time, but you brushed it off. She didn't know the bond you and Mandy shared.

"Yes! I did. I'm going to meet her tomorrow for lunch."

Diane didn't hid her discomfort this time.

"Y/n, I don't think that's a good idea. You're still very weak. You didn't even eat dinner. I don't think you should go out by yourself. Maybe I should go with-"

"No. It's okay. I'll be fine for a couple of hours. I won't be running a marathon, just having a coffee with my sister."

You wanted to spend time with Mandy by yourself and while you appreciated the thought of Diane going with you, you were still an adult no matter how young you looked. It didn't help that at the moment the brownie batter was now fighting against you and you were hunched over slightly.

"Well maybe consider letting me drive you to town? I need to run some errands anyway so I can drive you and that way if you feel like you need to lay down or rest I wouldn't be far."

You would need a ride to town, but you just weren't sure.

"Let me sleep on it. I hate to think I would be using you just for a ride. And-" before you could finish, you start having a coughing fit. Coughing was nothing new to you thanks to the asthma, but this wasn't that. This was the batter.

You tried to keep it down, but it was too late. You threw up, all over yourself, all over the floor, and even on Diane's slippers. You expelled everything you had eaten that day and more and it took a moment before you stopped gagging, laying in a ball on the floor.

Suddenly fear over took you as you saw yourself and the floor covered in vomit. You know your mom would be so mad when she saw it and you would get punished. You didn't want to be punished. You began to cry and you scooted away until your body hit the wall.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to," you cried. You forgot where you were and suddenly you were back at home. You didn't like going back.

Diane quickly ran over to you, not phased by the vomit and held you in her arms. You fought her off at first but she shooshed you and smoothed your hair, holding you close to her. She knew a flashback when she saw one. She held you and whispered in your ear. It took a moment but eventually you came back to present day. You still felt sick, you now smelled awful, your head hurt, and you were embarrassed. For the first time since you had met Diane, you felt tears prickle you eyes and instead of hiding them, you let them flow.

You cried in Diane's arms as she rocked you back in forth, and you apologized over and over again. You weren't sure if you were saying sorry because you had thrown up on her or if it was because she lost her daughter or because you were the mess of a person she felt fate brought her. She kissed your head and took your face in her hands. She wiped your tears with the pads of her thumb and looked at you with tears in her eyes too.

"Hey. It's okay. Stop apologizing. You're safe now Y/n."

She pulled you back to her chest again and wrapped her arms around you tight as if she would never let you go.

"I've got you," she whispered, over and over.

"I've got you, and I'm not letting go."

#sarah paulson x reader #sarah paulson fic #sarah paulson #diane sherman #diane sherman x reader #run film

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stargirlrchive · 4 years

Note

Hi! Can I ask for angsty Specer Reid with reader working as a medic? They dont see each other lately, mostly because his gf avoiding him, because they are both stressed of work so every discussion end with fight so in the end reader is insecure of herself and not sure if she is good enough for him. She starts overwork herself more to improve her skills and satisfaction,forgetting about proper sleep and meals. And during their next fight she just pass out in front of him making him extremaly 1/2

“2/2 extremaly guilty and frustrated because being occupied by his own work and life he doesnt even notice struggles of someone who he dearly love and care for. Sorry for such long and detailed request! I hope it doesnt bother you! Thank you so much nad have a great day!”

Busy Schedules - Spencer Reid

masterlist ; request are open

author’s note: hi omg this request came really easy! i really hope this lived up to your expectations @ anon <3 and i hope you all enjoy it! im already working on another request so yay ❤️ i had said 3 fics this summer and this is my fourth one <3 cute!

disclaimer: a bit angsty!! and also talking about like reader not taking care of themselves all that great, like forgetting to eat && reader passes out so if that’s something that upsets you, please do not read it!! GIF NOT MINE

pairing: spencer reid x reader

wordcount: 1,976

You weren’t sure how long it had been since you had last seen your boyfriend, but before the argument that had transpired a few hours ago, you knew that it had been several days since the two of you last spoke. Both of your work schedules took up a large portion of your life and during the beginning of knowing Spencer that was a huge wedge in the two of you actually starting a relationship. But you two later on found out that it didn’t matter how long it took for you two to have time together, because when you did it was like magnets linking together. There was a domestic routine to your very busy lives when you were alone, like adding the final puzzle piece, everything just clicked.

Or it had been, the last few months having a decrease in employees and you having to pick up extra shifts at the hospital, had left you next to no time for yourself. And the time you did have off, Spencer was always away on a case. The last couple of times you were irritable from work, and just missing your boyfriend and it ended with the two of you arguing, it never failed.

You’d end up crying from frustration and exhaustion and Spencer would find himself nursing a bottle of beer with Morgan. Something he never did before, and it was quickly becoming a bit of a habit for him.

Your head was pounding as you woke up, it was eleven pm and your throat felt insanely dry. You looked for a cup of water, but of course there was none. You were never good at looking after yourself. Spencer always told you that and you felt tears well up in your eyes, you missed him so much. The crying mixed with the headache worsened everything you were feeling and you began to feel dizzy. If you were being honest you couldn’t remember the last time you had a proper meal, you had been surviving off granola bars and black coffee. That with working nearly 100 hours a week, it was definitely starting to take a toll on you.

You sat up and realized what had woken you up, there was knocking on your main door. You trudged slowly to your front door, still feeling dizzy as you tried to focus on the figure through the peephole. Even with your vision being blurry you could tell it was Spencer.

You quickly opened the door, which you shouldn’t have feeling the way you were. You felt all your blood rush down and felt a cold shiver run down you. You really needed to get something solid into your system. But with Spencer’s demeanor you could tell you wouldn’t be eating anything for some time, he was tense, eyes burning and you wanted to scream at him. It wasn’t even your fault the two of you were angry.

But you couldn’t even bring yourself to do it, you were so exhausted. You let him in and he brushed past you, pacing through your living room. “Spencer I’m really tired, can we just do this tomorrow? I don’t feel good.”

You knew he didn’t even hear you, he was in his head and from the smell of beer on him you could tell he had been drinking. He wasn’t drunk, but you knew he was a lightweight, so anything he drank would have him more there than here.

You walked towards him, mainly to get him to stop because his pacing was making you feel that the room you were in was spinning. But he moved from you just before you reached him and it caused you to stumble forward, barely catching yourself against the rest of the couch. You had to close your eyes to try and stabilize yourself. “Can you stop trying to push me away?”

“Well you do it, why can’t I?”

He was being childish, you both knew it. “Spencer I’m not doing that, if you feel that way trust me when I say it’s not intentional.”

You muttered something under your breath, you probably shouldn’t have but it slipped from your lips before you could stop yourself. “That’s not fair! I deserve days off with my friends as well!”

“I never said you didn’t, Reid.”

He knew you were angry, you only ever used his last name when you were, but he was angry too and he was glaring at you. “Well then it’s not fair for you to say that I decided to hang out with my friend over you.”

“Did you not? I think it’s been over a month since we’ve seen each other, you see them everyday and we both finally had a night off together and you decided to go out with them, people you see everyday! I feel like I’m not even part of your life anymore.”

Your breathing was labored and rough, you could feel yourself coming in and out of consciousness and could barely focus on the words leaving Spencer’s mouth before everything went black.

Spencer himself did not register what was leaving his mouth as he saw your body going limp, any bit of anger or alcohol leaving his system that very second. He instinctively caught you before your head hit the floor and he was frantically calling out your name. He hated how pale your skin went and how your lips weren’t as red as they normally were. You looked frail and he laid your head on the floor to go look for a cotton ball and rubbing alcohol, when he was looking around your apartment he noticed that the only dirty dishes in your dishwasher were coffee cups and there were scattered granola bar wrappers and nothing else. He sighed through his nose as he realized that’s all you’ve been eating. Much like him, people always said he never took care of himself but he was so good at taking care of you. And he knew you weren’t. He was frustrated at the thought of you two arguing during the little time you had for each other so he decided to go out with Derek and Emily instead. But he quickly realized he shouldn’t have, he really hadn’t seen you in a month, two days, thirteen hours and 54 minutes. And that turned into an argument. He wanted to slip into your apartment while you were asleep, lay down with you and cook you breakfast and have the two of you slip back into your routine. He knew all the frustration and anger was from not seeing each other and now you were passed out on your living room floor and he felt so guilty.

Guilty for not going over after a case, when he really could’ve, guilty for not checking in more. He was your boyfriend and he could’ve been doing more. You were still laying on the floor and he lifted your head onto his lap, brushing the alcohol filled cotton ball under your nose and letting a watery laugh leave his chest as he saw the color come back to you. He was so relieved he was able to wake you up, and since you didn’t hit your head he knew you didn’t need more medical attention. Plus he knew you’d hate it. “Honey, c’mon let me help you into bed.”

“My head feels so heavy.” It was a tiny whimper and Spencer felt his heart ache at how confused your voice was. His hand brushed softly against your cheek, you were colder than he liked for you to be, you sent him a smile, your eyes still closed.

You began to get up and Spencer helped you towards your bedroom, bringing you a cup full of water after he had laid you in bed. He let you slip back into bed as you sunk into the comforters around you. His fingers were lightly brushing through your hair, your face was scrunched up in discomfort and he knew if you didn’t get anything into your system, you’d wake up feeling worse.

He slipped out of your bedroom and walked into your kitchen, he found eggs and bread and decided that this would do. Toasting the bread and spreading butter on it as he waited for the egg to finish cooking. His thoughts causing him to spiral, he still felt so guilty.

As quickly as he could he had everything cooked and was once again walking back towards your bedroom. Your arms were spread out and your hair was in your face, your color fully restored. He left the food on the cabinet by your bed and slipped into bed with you once more, pulling you onto him. Your arms instinctively wrapped themselves around his chest and your face tucked into neck. You stilled in his arms and then quickly pushed yourself away, “Spencer?”

“Who else?” He laughed quietly, but the worry began to set in him to see your confused expression. “Are you okay? Do you remember anything?”

You looked sad and just slumped back into bed, staying close to him but not wrapping yourself around him, “Yes, but I thought it was just a bad dream.”

He took your arms and wrapped them around himself, bringing you in as close as he could as he pressed kisses to your forehead, which you had only just noticed was pounding. “You scared me out there.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose.”

Spencer laughed and began to rub small circles on your back, “What have I told you about making sure you eat breakfast and lunch? What if I wasn’t around and you would’ve hit your head, or you would’ve passed out while driving?”

Spencer’s chest had begun to rise and fall heavily with the prospect of something far worse happening to you if he hadn’t been around, the guilt eating him up.

You grumbled out quietly, “I was going to eat something after letting you in, but you looked upset and I knew we needed to talk.”

You both stayed silent and when you looked up at him, his eyes were already trained on you, he let you speak first. “I am really sorry, I know you deserve to go out with your friends and I obviously know spending time with them outside of work is different than when you’re at work. I was just really tired, the shift was long and I missed you. And I took it out on you and I’m sorry.”

There were tears streaming down your eyes and you wiped them away quickly, “It’s hard having the jobs that we do.”

“I’m sorry too, I think I was still upset about what happened a few days ago and I didn’t want to spend the time that we did have arguing and I opted for going out instead of being here. But I’m still mad at you.”

You laid your head on his chest so you were no longer looking at each other, “You can’t be living off granola bars and coffee.”

“I just forget! I don’t do it on purpose.”

“I know, but for both of our sakes, I need you to sit up and eat.”

You perked you at his words and sat up quickly, causing the room to start spinning again. “Take it easy.”

Before he could reach for the plate you pulled him to you, pressing a few kisses to his lips, “You know I love you right?”

He mumbled quietly against your lips before pressing a kiss to your nose, “I love you too.” He continued to cover your face in soft kisses, only stopping to rub his nose against yours gently, “I missed you.”

“I did too.” He pressed one more kiss to your lips before grabbing the plate, he didn’t let you move from your place until you finished everything.

taglist: @swellwriting @carolinesbookworld @theboywhocriedlupin @awfulmoons @lumos-barnes @fortisfiliae @finnofamerica @beskarjedi @aperrywilliams @ta-ka-shi-ma @spenceluvbot @la-vie-en-amour1 (let me know if you’d like to be added <3)

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x y/n #spencer reid smut #criminal minds smut #criminal minds angst #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds fandom #aaron hotchner #derek morgan

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haikyuupaladin · 3 years

Text

One Day

Since today is Epilepsy Awareness day, I thought I’d write a fic that raises some awareness for epilepsy. It’s a day in Asahi’s life with epilepsy. I hope you all enjoy! See the end for some important notes!

***

Asahi groaned as he rolled over in bed and looked at his alarm clock. His eyes blew open in surprise when he saw how late it was. “Shit. I’m going to be late for practice.” He ran to the bathroom with his volleyball clothes in hand, splashing his face with water, brushing his teeth, and quickly taking his meds as he tried to get dressed as quickly as possible at the same time. Once he’d done that, he threw some bread in the toaster and scrambled to make sure he had everything he needed for the day in his backpack and gym bag. When the toast was done, he quickly grabbed everything and ran out the door, eating the toast as he ran to practice.

“Sorry I’m late!” He called out as he burst through the doors of the gym, trying to catch his breath.

“Oi, Azumane!” Coach Ukai called out and he winced. He’d only been back on the team for a week. This was not the impression he wanted to make on the new coach. “Warm up and then I want to talk to you for a bit!”

“Ok!” Asahi yelped. A week of being back and he was sure to get kicked off the team already at this rate. Coach Ukai probably thought he was being lazy and avoiding practice, never mind the fact that the rest of the team had just barely finished their warmups when he’d made it there. Their last coach had been super strict about attendance and Daichi had said that the new coach was his grandson, so Asahi was wary.

He did his warmups as carefully as possible, putting off the lecture he was sure to receive, but eventually, there was nothing more he could do to warmup. He slowly stride over to where Coach Ukai was sitting on the bench, flipping through something on his clipboard.

“Sit,” the man gestured to the bench beside him, and Asahi reluctantly joined him.

“I really am sorry I was late today coach, it won’t happen again! I must’ve slept through my alarm but I promise I’ll make sure I’m early tomorrow to make up for it!” Asahi started rambling until he was given a strange look and interrupted.

“What? No no no, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. You’re like… five minutes late, it’s not a big deal as long as you don’t make it a habit to be late every day.” Asahi let out a sigh of relief.

“What did you want to talk to me about then?” Asahi asked, wracking his brain for any other topics he should be worried about.

“The school just finally gave me your file,” Ukai told him and Asahi froze.

“If this is about that fight with Noya last year I promise that won’t happen again either!” Asahi panicked.

Ukai gave him a deadpan stare. “Will you let me finish what I’m saying before you start panicking?! You’re not in trouble, that was already dealt with and frankly, as long as it doesn’t affect the team going forward, I don’t really care. What I do care about is the fact that I’m technically responsible for you kids now. I wanted to talk to you about the medical section of your records.”

Asahi sighed, in relief but also frustration. “Oh. That. Yeah, I have epilepsy, it shouldn’t interfere with volleyball though. Well except for some of my doctor’s appointments but I can schedule those around anything major. I haven’t had a seizure in a year and a half and on the off chance something did happen, all the third years and Tanaka and Noya know and they all know what to do.” By the time he was halfway through his explanation, Asahi was no longer sure if he was trying to reassure the coach or himself. Just because his meds were working, didn’t mean there wasn’t the possibility of a breakthrough seizure at any time, and if that happened, it could interfere with volleyball, and that was the absolute last thing he wanted.

“Is there anything I should look out for?” Ukai pressed.

“Trust me, if something happens, you’ll know,” he laughed, slightly bitter.

“I know that kid,” groaned Ukai. “I meant like… before.”

“Not really,” Asahi shrugged. “My parents say they can tell by my eyes but I don’t really know what they mean by that.”

Ukai nodded. “And let’s say something does happen, what should I do?”

“Mainly just time it and get anything I can hurt myself on away from me” Asahi mumbled wanting to get away from this conversation now. He knew the coach was trying to be helpful, but talking about it like this was making him more nervous that something would happen, and that was the last thing he wanted to think about right now. “Can I go join practice now?”

“Sure,” Ukai pinched the bridge of his nose, looking frustrated. “Just… let me know if you need anything, okay?”

Asahi nodded cautiously before running off to join the rest of the team in spiking drills.

***

“What was that all about earlier?” Suga asked when they stopped for a water break.

“You’re not in trouble or anything are you? I can talk to coach if you are,” Daichi chimed in.

“It was nothing like that,” Asahi shook his head, appreciating his friends’ concern. “He wanted to talk about my epilepsy.”

Suga raised an eyebrow at that. “Really? He does know you haven’t had a seizure since first year, right?”

“I mean, it makes sense though,” Daichi shrugged. “I don’t think he has any experience with that sort of stuff, makes sense he’d be a little freaked out I guess.”

Kiyoko nodded quietly beside him.

“It was kind of embarrassing though,” Asahi admitted, whining.

“Why?” Daichi laughed.

“I’m pretty sure none of the first years even noticed,” Kiyoko said, placing a hand on Asahi's back comfortingly.

“Hinata and Kageyama definitely didn’t,” Suga said, eyes sparkling with laughter. “They were too busy fighting, I’m not even sure what started it,but Tsukishima was encouraging it.”

“And you were doing nothing to stop it,” Daichi pointed out. “I can’t believe you’re my vice captain sometimes.”

“Hey! Let me have my fun!” Suga complained. “I would’ve stepped in if it got out of control but it was amusing and you seemed to have it under control anyway.”

Asahi relaxed as the conversation turned towards the antics of the first years. Suga always knew just how to steer the conversation how he wanted to, and not for the first time, Asahi was glad that Suga used that for his benefit sometimes.

***

The rest of practice had gone by without incident, Kiyoko and Suga were right, nobody else had even noticed Coach Ukai calling him over, or if they did they’d chosen not to ask about it. The conversation had made Asahi more aware of potential auras than usual though, and it had been hard to focus in class. He had a weird headache for a bit during third period and he’d spent most of class muttering to himself and fidgeting with his hands, trying to focus on the fact that his jaw and hands seemed to be working just fine, finding reassurance in that, though he was still nervous. He’d have to ask Kiyoko for the notes later.

It was lunchtime now though, and Asahi hoped that his friends would be a welcome distraction from his worries. “Asahi! Hey!” Noya called out as Asahi exited his classroom. He chuckled fondly and shook his head.

“Hey Noya, what’s up?”

Noya regaled Asahi with stories of his day as they walked to meet up with Daichi, Suga, and Tanaka. How Noya always had so much to say, Asahi would never know but he was grateful for it right now, the conversation kept him from getting too stuck in his own head. He grinned as they spotted the others and joined them, the rest of his worries melting away for the moment as they fell into easy conversation, Daichi scolding Noya and Tanaka for their antics as Suga egged them on.

After practice, Daichi, Suga, and Kiyoko walked home with Asahi for their weekly movie night. He’d been avoiding them during his time off the team, but it was nice to see how quickly they fell back into these old habits with him. He’d missed Daichi and Suga’s teasing and their laughter and how they would jostle him around, and he’d missed how Kiyoko would giggle at their antics despite her halfhearted futile attempts to get them to behave.

He was even more grateful for how easily they fell back into old habits when the movie they chose ended up having more flashing lights than he remembered. On another day he might’ve been able to brush it off and keep watching, but despite having calmed down from earlier, he was still being more vigilant than usual, so he covered his eyes and looked away. Suga noticed and paused the movie.

“Shit, sorry Asahi, we forgot how bad this part can get. You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Asahi mumbled, a little self conscious about how nervous he was. On any other day he’d be able to handle this so it was a little embarrassing to be avoiding them right now.

“So how are we doing this?” Daichi asked casually. “Different movie or do you want us to narrate for you?”

Asahi laughed. He’d almost forgotten how easily his friends adapted to these situations for him.

“Narrating’s fine. We all like this movie and if we have to pick a new one we’ll have to reschedule movie night with how long it’ll take us to decide.”

Daichi laughed. “That’s true. Ok then, you ready to start back up?”

Asahi nodded, and soon the room was filled with more laughter than before as Daichi and Suga humorously described what was going on, with Kiyoko chiming in with quiet corrections or details that the other two were forgetting to mention. Asahi couldn’t help but laugh at some of the descriptions his friends were using and his heart filled with warmth as his friends did their best to make sure he didn’t miss anything about the movie, even throwing in some of their usual jokes about the movie in their descriptions.

***

Later that night, Asahi’s friends escorted themselves out and headed home. He still lay on the couch, too tired to move, but groaning as he knew he had to. He wanted to pass out on the couch, but he had to go take his nighttime dose of his meds. He lay there for a few more minutes before finally deciding if he didn’t get up now, he wasn’t going to be able to and dragging himself off the couch. He walked drowsily to the bathroom, blearily took his meds and then stumbled to bed. It had been a long day, but a good one, he smiled to himself as he fell asleep.

***

Notes time! First I want to make it clear that the medical side of things depicted here is based on my personal epilepsy and should not be read as a one size fits all type of deal.

Second, Ukai’s assumption that it will be noticeable when Asahi has a seizure is accurate for Asahi, but not for everyone. Some types of seizures are barely noticeable on the outside, if at all, and even then you have o know what you’re looking for.

Third, Asahi’s explanation of seizure first aid is not a complete explanation, for more on seizure first aid please look at https://www.epilepsy.com/living-epilepsy/seizure-first-aid-and-safety (I’m not making it a link so it will show up in the tags, but I have provided the entire url).

Fourth, an aura is a warning sign or set of warning signs leading up to a seizure. Not everyone has one, and it can be hard to recognize it if you do sometimes.

And fifth, Please take today as an opportunity to learn more about epilepsy. www.epilepsy.com and www.talkaboutit.org are my personal favorite starting points to recommend, as well as reading through some of the blogs in the epilepsy community here on tumblr.

#Epilepsy #epilepsy awareness #asahi azumane #karasuno third years #daichi sawamura #sugawara koushi #ukai keishin #kiyoko shimizu #actually epileptic #haikyuu!!

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leonawriter · 3 years

Text

Dazai’s background, clues in canon, and my theory.

Y’know, there’s a couple of things that I think are very informative about Dazai’s character, when trying to get a canon read on him (and not an AU or “I prefer it this way” or “but it’s good for the fic” one).

One of these is that I do not believe that Dazai has ever wanted for anything in his life - in a material sense - prior to going underground and then having only an ADA detective’s salary... and no, I’m not one of the ones who believes he has money saved away (from the mafia, at least) that he can use at any time - if he needs to keep his record clean, then that means not using dirty or laundered money. Those two ideas also do not cancel each other out. If he has alternate funds, they’re personal.

The other one might end up being another post, but here goes-

To back up this first point, are several things throughout the series. I know that someone once pointed out that Dazai uses a high-end smartphone. He also is still able to keep two of them - his old mafia phone and his personal one.

I personally find it interesting how Dazai is *always* seen in a suit of some kind, especially in his younger years; it’s reminiscent of how young men in wealthy families are often characterised as not knowing how to dress down and be casual. Everything is formal. We see him in a suit at fourteen years old, and I think we can safely say that this isn’t just Mori saying that he has to dress that way, because Mori doesn’t seem to have any problem with assorted characters such as Q and Tachihara dressing in ways that are either strange, or much more in line with one being a punk teenager. Instead, Dazai is seen in a suit - and consistently - for four years. And even now, that’s still a suit, just a sloppily put together one.

Another aspect that informs us about Dazai’s origins is the way that he speaks.

At fifteen years old, when he isn’t talking to Chuuya (and that’s an important distinction to make, since Chuuya is one of the few, if not the only, person who makes Dazai act like a child) he tends to have a habit of speaking in measured tones and with a high vocabulary. He’s definitely still a child, but he knows how to talk to adults in a way that will get him listened to - specifically, adults in positions of power. Not just “power of him, as a child” but power. I think it’s important to remember also that the light novel of Fifteen makes note of how Mori and Dazai “colluded” - worked together on - the assassination of the previous Boss.

So this wasn’t just drilled into him by Mori. Mori just found what was already there and utilised it.

Also relevant from Fifteen is this one line here:

“Dazai is not Mori’s subordinate. He isn’t even in the mafia. And he certainly isn’t an illegitimate child, or an orphan he picked up, or a medical assistant.”

Emphasis mine.

The important thing here is that Dazai isn’t an orphan. In a series where everyone is even in the present still recovering from a massive war, the fact that he’s pointedly not an orphan despite being with Mori like this and no parents ever mentioned, is interesting.

Now, as far as I’m aware, one of the popular things to do is to have him, in AUs, be Mori’s heir, or Mori’s adoptive son in some other respect. The thing is - I don’t think he needs to be. He clearly had a family he was with before Mori. And yet, they aren’t present.

I do have a particular theory about perhaps not who they are in a specific sense, but certainly who they are in a general sense, where even if the details change the idea stays the same.

The idea, which is just my theorising, is this: Dazai was born to someone of influence. Possibly a high-up government official or nouveau-riche, or possibly an old family. Either way, they had money, and they had power. His parents weren’t close with him. He may have had older siblings (he may even have young siblings, by this point, not that he’d recognise them).

Dazai would have had notable issues regarding suicide well before he is first seen in the manga at fourteen; his family, however, effectively disowned him by leaving him with an underground doctor, assuming that he would not survive (remember: he had bandages over his head, as well as all of those other areas) or not caring if he did. Their family may have collectively decided that it would be easier to forget about him than to carry on with the shame of a child who would attempt suicide at such a young age.

Dazai would have had the education of a young rich boy, a “bocchan,” and not taught that there was right and wrong as a child. Only that there were people who had, and people who took, about money and power and how to talk to people at stuffy parties, maybe expected to marry one day and have children to carry on the family name, in case his potential older siblings weren’t able to.

I also believe that Dazai at least in part chose to cut ties with his family, and that on the off-chance that, like with Mori Ougai and Elise calling him “Rintarou,” he had a different name as well in the past, he chose to change his name, and would never willingly go back to his prior name.

As for where I’m getting a lot of this?

Real Life Dazai’s own family were new money. His father held a high position in the government, which was respected at the time. It’s heavily implied through his works that he didn’t know how to relate to his family, feeling pressured into liking and wanting things he didn’t feel interested in, and scared of disappointing them. He mainly saw a specific servant woman as his mother figure more than his actual mother, since his actual mother was barely in his life. They had money, and could afford to get him a very good education, and the only reason why he didn’t is due to two different reasons: one of those was how he was involved in communist activities, and the other is, in a more impactful way, his suicide attempt/s. His inheritance was also cut off until he vowed to improve himself - several times, even!

You can read up on this more by looking up his real life self’s wikipedia page, but all one really has to do to get from this to what I wrote out as my personal ideas for BSD Dazai, is to adjust for the fact that he would be living in a more modern time period as opposed to having been born in 1909, and an alternate world history, and the fact that BSD Dazai takes less time to reach such a low point as he is at fourteen.

Bearing in mind that BSD is prone to changing things, it’s also prone to not changing things as much when it’s not necessary, or making stealth references. Which is why I said that although the details may shift and change and not be accurate, the idea that Dazai came from a wealthy family where his mental health problems were simply left unaddressed (and possibly made worse) for long enough for him to get to such a state as he’s in at fourteen years old only for them to ignore his existence after leaving him with Mori and for him to choose never go get back in contact, seems fairly in keeping with things.

It’d also give extra weight to what he says to Atsushi in Portrait of a Father. That he “doesn’t have much advice to give, except for one general thing - when one’s father dies, they tend to cry.” Dazai himself would in this case have complicated feelings about his own family, and much like Atsushi, would have later gone on to find that “positive father figure” in someone else, even if the older male figure themself is barely that much older than him.

(I’d love to go deeper into this with the way this would affect him in his present situation, but for some reason I started this post when still very tired, so maybe when I have more energy.)

#bsd #bsd stuff #bsd Dazai

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leahseclipse · 3 years

Text

Souvenirs, secrets and coffee dates

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Summary: Suspicions about a possible partner rise when Spencer starts buying souvenirs and closely monitoring his phone more than he usually does; as he plans a few surprises for his beloved partner in secret.

Warnings: Mentions of case, usual cm stuff, slight mentions of death, loss of a person (not concerning any of the characters; only mentioned in a few paras)

Category: Fluff

Word count: 11.6k

A/N: Hello!! This fic is another fic I accidentally wrote for an event, for @sunlight-moonrise !! sorry if some moments are badly written,,,,hope you enjoy tho!!

The total fic is 25.1k, so i preferred to cut it in two parts so it wouldn’t be too long.

Continuation of Dear diary

After we got together, days quickly got to weeks, weeks to months, and...now

It’s been more than a year.

Time went by more quickly than I thought it ever would, I often think about that diary that allowed the two of us to meet.

I'm glad that she had it in the first place, and that she lost it after. If she didn't have it, she would have either left a book that belonged to the library, (so, not many chances to find her, or even know she exists, you know), or possibly an item that could have her information, like a phone, or whatever she could have left, but, she could have remembered about the diary and take it.

If it would have happened, we wouldn't have talked, and we still wouldn't be, as I just did a few minutes ago on the phone.

And now that I think about it, It’s been a while since I haven’t seen y/n.

Even though we always talk on the phone, it's not quite the same.

I’m always thinking about her, especially when I’m away on a case and the only thing that allows us to see the other is through a cell phone.

I tried not to let her know I’m tired, I don’t want her to worry too much, she’s the type of person to freak out about the smallest thing, and I wouldn’t really like her to.

She worries enough when I’m away, so I wouldn’t like y/n to have another problem to worry about until I get back.

I hate to let her know; but if there was a word to describe the week I just spent;

exhausting.

It’d definitely be that one, 100%.

Every single case is exhausting, especially when It’d last more than intended; when the profile has to be done again because of sudden changes, when leads turned out to be fake, or don’t make the case progress in any way, and a ton of reasons that if were to be enunciated, would be worth a encyclopedia long.

We all know from the moment we’re announced of a case that we'll come back from it completely dead because of the non-existent sleep we would have had.

One week earlier, I thought it’d be different from usual, and I turned out to be...completely wrong. I had woken up at 3am in a start, just an hour after I had gone to bed with y/n.

She had woken up when I happened to be in the middle of the call, and locked her eyes in mine when I had turned her way while on the phone.

Y/N already knew from the moment I received the call that it meant that I had to go, it had been a few months since we had been together, so she knew the song well after she happened to witness six or seven of the calls.

I knew she didn’t mind because I had to do my job, she has always been very understanding about my work.

Of course, I think that the fact that I have to go away for god knows how long upsets her, but not in a hateful way.

I sometimes wonder if she actually really minds the fact that I would go; even though she always says that she doesn’t.

Whenever I go on a case, I don’t even know when I’ll come back. I’m not coming back in three months, but not two days later.

All we can do to let the other know we’re okay is to call, or send a message; when we happen to have spare time to do it in between breaks.

Well, speaking of calls, these are often calls I have to do when no one else I know is around. I haven’t told any of my colleagues that I’ve been dating her.

I still wonder to this day if it’s because they never mentioned it, saw it, because I didn’t want them to know, or even….both.

I guess it was okay that way, they didn’t know, and nothing changed. We’d still talk the same way as when I wasn’t with her, except for some details, which makes me come back to the ‘talk with her when no one else is around’ topic.

As I am an idiot in love, I can’t help but smile whenever I talk to her, I just can’t help it. I always like to hear about her day, how she’s doing, talk about whenever we both have in mind, I just even appreciate hearing her. But, all that I’m doing when I’m with her isn’t something I can do when I’m around others.

They’d immediately want to know the reason of my behavior, which would certainly go up all the way to Garcia that would certainly harass me about it for weeks, probably with hundreds of mails and texts, as I have to use my computer for mail work, and my phone for cases, so...texting while no one is around is a much better solution.

I don’t think she minds either. She likes to hear about them, but she never mentions seeing them that often, I think she likes the whole ‘secret’ relationship stuff, she kind of sees it like a game in which you would have to go through levels, without being caught by the villains and eventually, lose the game, so, being discovered.

It wouldn’t be that bad if they’d find out, they’d just probably ask themselves why I wouldn’t have told it, or how they didn’t find out, but overall, I think they’d be happy.

But, I like it that way, when we’re together, we’re in our bubble, it’s just the two of us, no one else.

We always try not to mention work, as it mainly is the reason we can’t see each other most of the time, which is...a bit more for me, as I’m often still on a case when she happens to not be at work.

I would like to say that the little time we get to spend together is always enough, but when we finally get time, and I get called, it isn't quite enough.

I always wish I could be there more often, I'm at work most of the time and I'm afraid it could somehow impact our relationship; even if again, it isn’t a bother at all to y/n.

One of my worries when we started dating was that she'd feel frustrated because of that; the fact that I'm not here as often as she'd like me to be, that I'm busy when she's not.

I sometimes have to call her to tell that I won’t be able to make it home after I originally told her that I would come.

At first, she didn’t know what I was doing, even when I’d call her. I didn’t even tell y/n at the library back then.

I just mentioned once that it was an office job, and I don’t think she really had a problem with it, she wouldn't force much on the subject.

And now that I think of it,, it wouldn’t have changed much about our relationship if I had exactly said what I was doing.

The way she had discovered it was really odd, but...not that bad.

I had come to her apartment after she was done with work, and I had shortly gone to the bathroom after entering.

I had left my coat on the table, so she had decided to put it on a chair for me.

What happened next would probably seem stupid and cliché if I'd tell it to anyone, but my badge had slipped out from it and naturally, she picked up what just fell on the ground.

I had crossed the door of the bathroom to see her staring at it, with a confused and kind of surprised look.

It was a mix of these two emotions, I'd say.

I didn't exactly plan for her to find out like that, but I think that when I had previously mentioned an office job, she didn't quite expect that kind of office job.

Which stays understandable, as you don't necessarily think about them literally working at the FBI itself when an office job is mentioned.

And the thing is that, it isn't even a full office job, as I am literally...risking my life out on the field and have a chance to get injured, and uh…in the worst scenario, not make it alive.

So, I think that the fact that I didn't want her to know was to kind of, protect her so she wouldn't worry while I'm at work, asking herself if the last time she would ever see me would be when I had left for work in a hurry.

Yeah, I know, it's kind of morbid to think of it, but, I can't really ignore them at the same time.

They’re mostly the risks that are included, I was completely aware of that when I had entered, so...I can't really complain about anything. No one forced me, it really was a decision that I made alone.

But, it went well overall.

We can say that she was surprised, that is a fact.

But she wasn't mad that I didn't tell her. She understood that I didn't want her to know because of the stuff that makes my job risky, which can be scary, but she was supportive.

She asked me a bunch of questions after that, they all were various and different. I felt like I was a teacher answering questions of a kid, considering how energetic y/n was.

Eventually, the subject of the jet, that I'd travel from one state to another came, and that's when I felt like something lightened inside her.

She had never mentioned it back then, so that way, we both had a common point, a small secret that the other didn’t know.

She had begun talking about her passion of travelling, discovering places she wondered what could be made of, how it was, she always was curious to know more, she'd go wherever her mind would tell her to...which was funny, as the mind would often lead her to the same place, many times, strangely.

Y/N also had the habit of taking books from different places. I remember her having copies of the same book, but each were in a different language.

She didn’t do it with all of her books, because if she did, she’d have to literally dedicate a whole room to store them.

She hasn't been able to travel much after she started working full time, with little vacation time. But if she didn’t have this full time job, she’d travel as much as possible.

So, I had a small idea.

As I'd often travel, I could possibly grab a souvenir from the state I'm in, and give it to her. I thought it could be fun, she also liked collecting objects from the places she'd go to, so, I thought she would probably like the idea.

I didn't say that I planned to do it the first time, I did want to surprise her, even if I was already doing it when I'd come home when she thought I wouldn’t.

It always was a surprise to see me coming back, neither of us knew when it'd be done, so I would rarely get to tell her when I could be back.

But, the gifts I began doing were very special, it meant something to her, what she liked, and eventually, to me.

She meant everything to me and if that was making her happy, it truly was all that mattered in that moment.

The first souvenir I had purchased when I happened to be in California, we had just wrapped up the case; when I had decided to wander around, not far from where the jet was.

I had already gone around quite a few times since the beginning of my career, so I knew where I was going.

That’s when my eyes laid on a shop I hadn't seen before. It must have opened recently; but it really seemed nice at first sight. It sold a bunch of souvenirs, some related to the state’s local traditions, or some cute stuff with the name of the state on it.

As I quietly entered the small shop and walked a bit around, I noticed a small keychain of a bee next to a honeycomb.

Two details above the name of the state written in calligraphy could be seen; so after a bit of thinking, millions of questions whether it was nice or not, I just decided to take it.

I hadn't even realized that I had spent a whole hour in it stressing over what could be fine and what wasn’t.

It basically was a call from Morgan that made me realize that I had been there for almost an hour.

I did eventually make my way back to where the group was, I didn't even know they were actually there because they were waiting for me, for...a bit of time.

I had just told them some kind of excuse, and even if I think they didn’t quite believe it 100%, the subject had been quickly changed. I think they kind of forgot about it after.

I didn’t have many relatives in California, and they hadn’t seen the reason for my prolonged absence this time.

It’s just that, even if it had been almost half a year, I still wasn’t quite ready, I still wanted everything to be the two of us, for a bit more. We didn’t have a deadline or anything, so we could take as much time as possible to decide about it.

I don’t think they’ll be angry, just really surprised that I hid the fact that I had a girlfriend from them for a while now.

They just probably won’t have thought that the genius of the BAU would spend his free time with his girlfriend, and not with books and paperwork as they expect me to, and as I always did.

So, they'll know that I didn’t answer my phone because I had muted it when I was with her.

They probably won’t believe it at all at first.

They'll probably think of a prank, but when it’s gonna hit, I think I have to get ready for a week of questions and conversations about the fact that the genius got a girlfriend.

I know it isn’t mean at all, they’ll just be surprised, and happy for me, but, every time I try to talk to them, thinking they chose to abandon the subject, they’ll immediately try to talk about it.

It’ll have to happen eventually -if they do find out- but I still want it to stay secret for now.

The fact that I also buy stuff for her can also be seen as a sort of top-secret mission, if -of course- the words that I’m using aren’t too exaggerated.

I don’t usually buy souvenirs for myself, so if they see me doing it, I think they’ll try to think if it isn’t for someone else.

But, are they going to think it’s for my mother, or directly for a possible girlfriend?

I tend to stutter when I get nervous sometimes, and as it’ll be about y/n, I might not manage to stay serious.

I’m supposed to not let them know I have a girlfriend, even if I really want them to know.

I kind of feel bad, because that looks like I don’t want them to know because I don’t like her, but that’s the complete opposite.

I love her more than anything, and the fact that I don’t want her to be involved with my work is because I mostly want her to be safe.

There's been many cases where various members of the team, or even people working near us, had to witness their loved ones getting involved in a case, and I wouldn’t want that to happen to y/n at all.

I know that one day or another, we’ll tell them, and that when the day comes, I’ll have to make sure nothing happens by calling her every second to know if she’s okay.

I’ll be worried as hell for her, even if that doesn’t mean that she’ll immediately get targeted, I’m just a worried mess about that.

I’m probably the only one thinking about that, constantly.

Does it make me sound crazy? Yes and no at the same time, if I ever were to answer that question in an honest way.

I just tend to imagine scenarios that probably have no chance of ever happening when it comes to someone that I deeply care about, which is...basically the whole team, my mom, and her.

So: literally everyone in my life right now.

Back to where I was, it’s better not to let anything slip out, even if I do feel like...it isn’t the thing I’d usually do.

It..isn’t quite something people would expect me to do.

Maybe I’ll talk to her about it when I come back, it may be a good time, I guess.

Whether the choice would be, I'll still keep bringing her souvenirs as I always did, she likes them every time, and even displayed some a bit everywhere around her apartment.

This kind of became a tradition between us.

Y/N would often do the same by organiszing nights where I'd be the one deciding what we would do, which would be watching doctor who till 2AM most of the time.

I wonder if she doesn’t hate me after that.

I do hope we’ll get to it often.

I do miss that.

When was the last time I got a moment to breathe without having to worry about the work waiting for me outside?

A while ago, if I had to be honest with myself.

I don’t even feel like thinking about it, it’s really depressing.

It’s been a while now since the last time I had time to talk with y/n, because trust me, I’ve never been waiting that much for a break to get to call her than for something else.

I’m just waiting for just a minute to get to talk, but the odds aren’t going in my favor today apparently. It kind of makes me feel bad to just send a text, I know she’ll understand I’m busy with work and can’t call, but still, I prefer to call her over than texting words.

I tend to prefer to hear her voice and get her to talk if I ever hear worry in her voice, because I always know that she tends to not say everything in texts, I understand her on that one, a message and an actual conversation isn’t the same.

You can’t really figure out the mood of the person in texts, it’s just commas, points, but otherwise, it’s up to you to guess whether they just typed like that or if something is up.

I just like to know if she’s okay, I wouldn’t want her to spend the day feeling down, and not talk about it because I’m either busy, or because she’s afraid it might add more stress than I already have because of my job.

But I’d never refrain y/n from talking about what bothers her, on the contrary, I always want to know what’s in her thoughts, I’m often absent, so at least, I’d prefer to know she feels okay, because otherwise, I won’t stop worrying until I know.

I haven't forgotten about the souvenir tradition either.

It's been a while since I've been doing that, and we both have begun liking it more and more each time, I get to talk to her about the place I got it from, and sometimes, I even end up rambling about the case.

She also tells me stuff about the place if she visited it, or if she didn't; places that make her think of the place the souvenir was from, it's always interesting to have these conversations, we both get to learn stuff.

When these kinds of conversations occur, we either continue the subject or change it, and don't even notice how much time we spend talking.

Our best record is 2:54AM. Let's hope we don't go further next time we have a chat; because we always end up regretting it the next morning.

Considering the lack of sleep I have, and how late I go because of my work, sleeping late on my days off isn't helping at all.

It only makes it worse for when I'll actually get back to work, so, we'll try not to stay up that late and sleep to at least enjoy the sleep I usually don't have when on a case.

I’m always saying that, but it’s not that easy sometimes, we usually don’t think about the time we spend talking, so, the ‘going to bed early’ matter is still an unsolved problem for now.

Talking about it, I did get to sleep early today, we decided to continue the searches and I have to admit that I didn’t sleep like that for a while.

I can’t really say that I hope it arrives often because that would literally be like not doing much, because as we don’t sleep as much as we’d like to, we can totally stay in bed all day if no one comes to get us out.

It reminds me of when I was around 12, my mom would sometimes allow me to stay at home, and we would just sit in bed while she would talk to me about what she liked, anything that went through her mind.

She does like to hear about my mom too, and actually slid the matter in the conversation quite a few times, more than I could ever count, little does she know my mom does the same, they both are happy to hear about the other, they look like two best friends sometimes.

I do wonder if they’ll act like that, it won’t really surprise me if they actually do to be honest, they both like similar things, used to do same things before, and I think y/n would like to hear about some of my mom’s stories, or even just my mom talking, she always manages to keep the other person interested, I always feel like a kid when I talk with her.

I do guess some things never change.

They will both have a lot to tell, y/n traveled a lot when she was younger, and still remembers every trip she did, and noted everything down in not one notepad, but at least three of four of them.

She writes what she did, where she went, what she liked the most, some of her favorite things like, stuff she purchased, activities, it really is a whole story, she could literally write one book for each trip at this point and if I’d tell her about it, I do think she would do it.

And sometimes, when she would read a book, or even when we would just go to the library together, she would often find something that reminded her of one of her travels.

She mentioned not having an eidetic memory at all, but by moments, I wonder if she doesn’t have it without knowing it, considering all of the stuff she remembers.

Y/N always liked to do new stuff she hasn’t done, she likes to learn a lot, but only when it comes to non-educational purposes, she wasn’t really a good student.

Apparently to her, sitting all day in a chair with a teacher yelling at you, or either saying nothing but nonsense you can’t understand was absolutely ‘boring as hell’, as she said with her own words.

I do, and don’t agree with that at the same time, I don’t know. I’ve always had the habit of studying instead of doing what most people my age would do when I was young, but I did want to do something else after working more than my liking.

Guess it hasn’t changed much now, I pretty much work most of the time, and, unfortunately, I don’t get to rest whenever I want, only if the case happens to be over.

But, enough talking of the case, and all of the days of absence that comes with it.

I already have to endure it, so might as well not plunge the knife deeper than it is, it’s been many years since it’s been occurring and it shouldn’t be more of a bother than it is as I’ve already made myself into the idea in the first week.

I actually wonder if it’s the same on her side, I know she doesn’t have the same sleep habits, but she doesn’t always go to sleep at the same time. It’s always because of various reasons like; she began remembering a trip and wrote about it, thought about a trip too and got lost in her thoughts.

I often find her daydreaming most of the time, it does remind me of myself with my books, I don’t pay much attention to what's happening around me.

If I take for example the moment we met, I don’t know if it really counts. I only saw her diary first, but I paid attention to the item that belonged to her, so, in a way, it counts.

She’s also pretty much what keeps me sane when I’m working, she manages to send messages at the right time just when I need to. I have no idea how she does it, but if she could do it everyday, I literally would not mind at all.

I always like to hear whatever she talks about, a book, a story she already told a week ago, I know she likes to talk about them on repeat until she either forgets it or moves to another one.

She seriously could have been a teacher if she had chosen another career, her voice is really soothing, and she explains the words in a manner that makes the story more interesting that you’d thought.

I often found myself asking her to tell another one when I had found the previous one too short for my liking, when it literally lasted over half an hour.

She literally has the power of transforming me as a kid when she talks about stuff she did on a trip.

But, even after she told me all of that, I don’t really enjoy the kind of travelling I’m doing. It isn’t like a vacation, at all, it really is the exact opposite. I don’t really come here for the purpose of having fun.

I do hope I’ll get to travel with her once, in the purpose of actually having fun instead of two hours of sleep, having a chance of -possibly- getting injured, and all of the good and funny risks of my job.

And, while I’m talking about it, I do hope, if we decide not to go far, that I’m not going to actually have a case when I’m supposed to have a vacation.

This stays like, extra rare, but it can’t really be ruled out at the same time. So...let’s hope it doesn’t occur, I’d prefer not.

If we travel, it’ll be to stay out of work, so if the reason that basically refrains us from travelling happens, I’m not sure either of us would be pleased with it.

I'm far enough away, so, let’s not add more and hope that scenario won’t occur once.

I’ve already stayed buried for way too long in my thoughts that I didn’t even notice Morgan standing besides me before I thought of turning my head in his direction.

“Oh, sorry. Thought of something and got carried away...did you say something?”

“I know that I don’t usually talk about that with you, but I was just wondering, is there something going on? You always go away for calls, have something to do before we get back home, or after, I thought I’d check on you, just to know.”

Well shit. What the hell am I supposed to say now?

“No, it’s nothing, really. I just um...it’s just some stuff with...an old friend. It’s nothing bad, I’m fine.”

Ok, you’re definitely screwed right now, good luck to get out of this mess Spencer.

“Nothing, really? That’s kinda rare from you.” He commented, which made the two of us laugh, Derek always managed to lighten the situation with whatever he thought could do it, even if some words happened to be placed...at the wrong moment sometimes; but he’d never mean to harm, always to make things better as much as he could.

This situation wasn’t a bad one, but I definitely think that he could sense that I wasn't telling…what he truly would take as the right answer.

It definitely wasn't bad, but it probably won't get as bad as it is, I've already put myself in a mess I have no idea how to avoid by not managing to find my words and stuttering.

That really was the right thing to do to avoid all suspicions.

"I'm just tired, that's it. I couldn't sleep much this week, so...yeah, I—" I said, as I was getting to thank whatever god made me get out of this mess by making someone call.

At this point, even if it was a number that called me to advertise whatever stuff they wanted people to buy, I'd still be thankful for it.

I slightly got the phone out of my pocket, it wasn't an unknown number, just y/n; the one that just saved me from an interrogation.

I swear that when I come back I'll cancel our doctor who marathon, cook her whatever she wants, give her a bath, massage her, because she really saved me from a conversation I couldn't get out of and didn't know how to either.

Gosh what would I do without her? I'd be dead right now.

"Oh, it's uh, my friend, I have to answer. I uh...see you in a few minutes." I excused myself as I went into an empty room, checking a million times if I locked the door behind me.

"Gosh, y/n...you just saved me. Tell me whatever you want when I get back, I'll do it."

"Just breathe, it's ok. You sound like you just ran through the whole city." Y/N told me, as I heard like she was holding off laughter probably from how dramatic I was acting.

And in a way, she was right, I wouldn't be mad if she laughed. "Wha- What happened?" She asked.

"Well uh, I was thinking of something and got lost in my thoughts, and all of a sudden Morgan comes to me, asking if everything was okay because he wanted to check in case, and like an idiot, I stuttered at the moment when I told that it was a friend, because I almost mentioned that it was my girlfriend."

"And you just did a whole theater play for that? They'll have to know at some point, and if that happened, it wouldn't have been death. Still, it wouldn't have been the best way, but not the worst one either."

"Yeah, I know y/n, but, I prefer them to know another day, a special one, not when a colleague asked me if I was fine when my whole team could know, and possibly Garcia, who won't stop for a whole week."

"You're being dramatic Dr. Reid."

"No- I'm not!"

"You are."

"N—"

"You. Are. I have the last word, no matter what. I don't know when and how you want them to know, but we can't keep hiding it till we're married and have two kids with a third on the way at some point. And they're not anyone, they're like your family, and if you like, respect and trust them, so do I."

"Yeah, you're right. But not now. I trust you too, don't go behind my back to the office either.”

"You just gave me a suggestion."

"And that wasn't a suggestion."

"That seemed like it."

"They won't let you in, so, do what you want."

"I'll show them pictures."

"They could be photo-shopped, anyone with good skill can make it seem like a real picture."

"I have videos."

"Same thing, it stays a file that can be edited with a software. How do you think they do the effects in movies and shows? With a software."

"You're no fun Reid."

"You're lying, you always laugh at my jokes."

"No, I'm not."

"I can even tell through a call that you're lying."

"You're a bad profiler."

"Then how do I solve crimes and can tell that you love me, Spencer Reid, the ultimate genius." I said, with a dramatic voice as if I was saying lines of a play.

"...I do love you."

"I already know it because I do too."

"Don’t avoid the subject, we’re still gonna have to tell them.”

“...really?” I asked, with a tiny voice.

“Yeah, really. I think he asked you because you were acting like nothing but suspicious, and if, on top of that, he saw you buying stuff, you’re not close to being dead. And also, if I remember correctly from what you said, Penelope is really chatty, so that might go up to her, and once she hears about it, you know. She might not have an eidetic memory, but I don’t think that she, or even anyone else will forget it.”

“I’m dead, I know. I’m still asking myself if he’s not the only one that knows. They might all know it but keep their mouths shut. I can’t go and ask them either, so it’s all a waiting, guessing game right now.”

“You should have told them from the beginning.”

“I have to remind you that you weren’t against it either. We’re both in it.”

“...true. You have a point genius.”

“So, what’s the plan then?”

“Tell them at some point, we’re not going to reveal it in ten years. I have no possibility of reaching out to them, except stealing your phone, which isn’t possible as you’re away, so the only way they’ll know is through you.”

“But, we’re not really forced to. There’s not a rule or anything that says you are obligated to state if you have a partner or not.”

“It’s not the same, they’re like your family, in a way, if you ignore DNA stuff and all, you’ve been working with them longer than we know each other, they’re not strangers, I think they’ll be happy to know you’re sharing your life with someone.”

“You have a point this time.”

“Mind you, I’ve had the point since the beginning of our chat, which I think…had been lasting way too long, by the way.”

“How many….” I questioned, as I took away the phone from my ear to see the time. “Oh, almost six minutes, that’s...a bit long for a chat I’m supposed to have with a friend.”

“Yeah, a bit too long. Oh, by the way, before you go, I’ll be at your apartment, I felt like it needed a small clean, it’s been a while since you’ve been away, and you’ve been staying a lot at my place, so might as well come back to a clean apartment.”

“You don’t have to, I’ll clean myself.”

“I've been there for the last three hours, I didn’t plan on asking for your permission. I just have to hope no one you know decides to come by.”

“Penelope? No, she’s always busy.”

“You told that last time, and she popped up out of nowhere because she had something to give you, and if she had a key, she would have seen a half naked girl in the middle of her friend’s apartment, how’s that?”

“I didn’t know she would actually come, she never did before.” I said, with a small voice, kind as if I was being grounded by my mother.

“Unless someone forgot to charge their phone, which was you, so that’s why she came.”

“It only happened once.”

“And it’ll happen again if you don’t charge your phone. Luckily you were there and you heard, because if you didn’t hear and as I said, she happened to have a key, what would have happened if she would have seen items that belong to me, and the owner of these when you’re supposed to have no partner in your life as they don’t know anything?”

“Um...they would have known.”

“That’s why we have to stop this small game soon. I sounded like a mother talking to her child, I’m...sorry about that. Um...I know you can’t, as you like...remember everything, but, do as your brain is a computer, delete that chat.”

She also sounds like a child too, we’re both kids to be honest.

“I can’t do that.”

“Um...what about I buy you books?”

“We can make a deal then.”

“I can’t believe that...we’re both kids.”

“Yeah, but I mean, that’s why we get along.” I commented.

“I can’t believe how I’m still handling you. We also look like an old married couple.”

“You do, I don’t.”

“I’m not so sure about that- Spencer it’s been almost ten minutes now, you should uh...go back.”

“Ten minutes...since when? Now I’m definitely dead.”

“I wish I could say yes but, you’re almost dead, if you manage to avoid suspicion after...of course.”

“Yeah, that’s an easy thing to say…?”

“I can’t talk to them and say ‘oh hi, I’m Spencer’s secret girlfriend, since half a year’, because apparently it’s not the right moment.” She said, ironically.

“Okay, I get it...we’ll do it when I get back, I don’t know. We can’t wait another year at this point, it’s a bit too late and the suspicions raised themselves...a bit too much to be dissipated.”

“It’s been a while so, yeah, it’s time. We should have told them since we met at the library.”

“Yeah, maybe we should have..”

“But we can be proud of ourselves, especially you, if uh...of course, they don’t know. Because, I’m just saying, but...they could know, but choose to not say anything until they’ll realise that you know that they know you have a girlfriend. I’m...just saying.”

“So, there might be a chance that I’m already screwed and I didn’t know, or that they just have suspicions but don’t really know…? If you get it…?”

“Yep, and the worst part is that you can’t go and ask them, because if they actually don’t know, you’ll just be revealing what you thought they knew but actually don’t.”

“That whole story is an endless maze. I’m thinking we shouldn’t have waited that long.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t have.”

“Yeah. I think I’m gonna go, I’ll uh...be back tomorrow towards the beginning, middle of the afternoon, we’re almost done, we have like...some papers left and other stuff.”

“Okay, don’t make me wait too long, I’ll be waiting at your place.”

“I’ll be back before you even know it.”

“Okay, love you.”

“Love you too.”

They’re not gonna believe the friend excuse anymore at this point

I stayed for more than ten minutes, no one stays that long with me. I don’t really know, the team’s always with me, so when we talk it’s case related or short texts in general, and it’s not really part of my habits to go away for that long.

I guess we’ll see.

With a soft sigh, I unlocked the door before lowering the handle down, exiting the room to walk to where I originally was, already hoping to get some remarks.

“I was about to come to where you went to check if you weren’t dead.”

“It’s been a while since we talked, that’s all Derek. Why?”

“Nah, just asking.” He said, raising his two hands up above his head.

“Ok then..?” I almost panicked when I answered, but I think that my reaction was enough for him to see it as I was confused...I think.

Okay, I think they already know by now, awesome.

I even came to the point of wondering if they knew and were just pretending to not know all along. They could have stayed in silence, acting like they didn’t know.

It also was a bit my fault, I did let some details slip, like my behavior, how I checked my phone more often, my long absences, again, how I talk, avoiding suspicion became kind of difficult.

Especially a bit after we started dating; we got really closer, and talking often helped us fill the distance. I really felt bad for leaving her alone that often, so at least I’d feel less guilty by talking to her whenever I could.

It really changed fast, just a few days ago, I didn’t even plan on telling it at all, but, y/n did convince me to not do so, and now, it might not be a good idea to continue pretending.

It’s kind of obvious that they know something is up, they’ve known me longer than her, so obviously, they know when something is different about me.

I just...was so focused on her, that I didn’t even think that they’d notice to be honest.

But, as she said, I don’t think that it’ll be...that bad. They’ll be understanding, and happy, that’s all.

They’ve always been a bit shocked when they’d think I had a girlfriend; because I really wasn’t the guy to have one to them, I don’t really know how to explain as I’m not in their heads, but I saw it that way, but again, that wasn’t in a mean way, they were just surprised.

Except this time, they won’t think that I don’t have a partner, they’ll definitely think I have one this time.

We didn’t really pay attention to the world around us, especially me, if I were to be really honest.

I just fell so hard for her, I would always be talking to her, thinking about her, and only looking at her when she’d be with me.

I always hold her hand when we go out together, I don’t know why, I can’t say more than a few minutes without it, and also, it’s always funny to compare our hand sizes, it’s cute.

Also another thing, I can’t help but mimic the emotions on her face sometimes, without even realizing it, because when she smiles, I also happen to do so.

I just can’t help myself but think about things that make her so perfect in my eyes; she truly means a lot to me and I can’t seem to imagine what my life would be like if she didn’t happen to be in it.

I remember saying stuff like; “When you meet your soulmate, remember that the act of bringing you together was 500 years in the making. So always appreciate and be kind to each other.”, or even, “Maybe the events in our lives were set in motion a long time ago”; that may sound like cheesy sentences, or whatever means to anyone else; but I guess it’s just how I see things, I do mean it when I say these.

I’ve noticed she always likes to hear them, she wouldn’t see it as rambling or anything else, just a sentence like another one I’d casually say, she admitted quite a few times that my talking never bothered her in any way.

Even if most of it was rambling, and facts, stuff that anyone else would be bored of after one minute; but y/n never did, she would often be the one to ask me about it, she wanted to know stuff too, and get to brag about it to people she knew.

I really like these little things, the small details about each other, what we think, what we like, and what we know to do to make the other happy, including the small souvenirs I bring her when I get the occasion.

This time, it’s a small pumpkin, it’s not halloween related at all, just a cute pin. I know we’re literally in January, but it’s our favorite holiday, and we happen to talk about it all year, no matter what month it is.

We also like other holidays, but that one stays our favorite. We’ve always had a liking for it.

Since it’s almost February, it means that Valentine's Day is close, so...I could possibly do a small event, or a letter, or even organise some stuff we could do on dates.

There’s plenty of time to plan all of it, I’ll just keep it in the corner of my head and think about it again when the occasion comes.

No matter how many times it happens, I can’t help but always feel relaxed when I come back home after a case, it isn’t always fully happy as the thought of the families often haunt my mind, I can’t help but feel a bit guilty, the cases ends up getting resolved, but the families never move on, only me as I go back to the bureau, and get called for another.

It’s always hard to think about it, and we’ve at least found ourselves getting stuck on a case even after it got resolved; but at least, if that can be reassuring, in a way, the ones who had committed the crime won’t harm anyone else and make other people lose their loved ones, that’s what I try to tell myself when I can’t get the thought out of my mind.

It also helps to be with the people I'm closest to and appreciate, with the team, we've been through it more than we can recall, and it helps to talk about it between us, try to find a tiny ounce of light in the tragedy, and even when the case impacts us personally, we try to move on, because even if we don't know the victim most of the time, it's not good to suffer for too long, they wouldn't want that for their families, or anyone else that might have cared about them, we have to learn to move on, at our own pace and honor their lives.

That's the best we can do for them, and even though we don't know them, we sometimes happen to think about the victims, it's hard not to get impacted by it, but when it happens, we have to try to not let it touch deeply and do our best to find the author of the crime, for them, and their loved ones, whom the pain will lessen with time for some, but will always stay deep inside their hearts.

The aftermath of a case is always rough, but we don't have much choice to face it like we can, and get ready for the next one.

I'm really glad to have everyone in my life around me, they're the one who I talk to, confide in, laugh with, and spend the most of my time with, but that last is an exception sometimes.

When I'm not on a case and have no papers, I often happen to be with y/n, and find some kind of excuse to say to the team they believe...or not, it depends.

When I happen to decline their offer, they either think that I'm going to spend the night watching whatever show I brag about, or read, but...when I do think that's the reasons they have in mind, I realize that I underestimated them too fast by thinking of a simple and silly reason when they literally began immediately thinking of the real stuff, which is in that case, me having a partner.

So, yeah, the reason they think about when I don't join them is because of a partner. Which they think is definitely real; because of my "successful" way of hiding it.

I'm sure they already know it by now, I'm not sure of it, but at least I know that I can't really go back. They definitely know something is up and trying to hide it more won't lessen the suspicions, on the contrary.

They’ll be informed of it officially in a bit, I’m not sure when, I just want it to be special not just a; “Oh, here’s my girlfriend.”, I don’t really want it to happen this way.

I’m literally about to plan a whole meeting with her and the team, while I could just shorten it to something more simple.

I may be over dramatic over this…

I guess we have time though, I’m barely coming from a case, and I’d prefer to spend the next days with her, because if I would plan it, she doesn’t have to know at all, which means I’ll have to hide stuff, see her less, and that’s the last thing I would want to do after not seeing her for what felt weeks to me.

Again, yes, I may be a bit overdramatic;, I admit it, but even when I talk to her on the phone, text her or even buy stuff, I still want nothing more but to see her; nothing replaces the feelings I have when she’s close to me.

I do like to hear her voice even when it’s through a phone, but I prefer over everything to just have her close.

I wish it could have happened now, but we all know what returning from a case is, paperwork and all, we don’t immediately go home, as much as we all want to do it more than anything after the week we’ve had.

I’ll be in my car before I even think of it, I just have to do what I have to do, and it’ll be over, I would have said “as soon as possible”, but I doubt Hotch will accept reports done in two minutes, and upset him is the one thing no one wants to see, we’re all tired, so our patience eventually tends to be limited, which is understandable.

I thought that I would have been able to think of going home as I previously told, but I soon found myself struggling to stay away and focused on the left work on my desk. If she had happened to work with me, even if I were to be tired, I’d ignore it because I would be busy staring at her every two seconds, and eventually, lose all focus.

And even though she wasn’t with me at work, I still happened to freeze for two minutes in the same spot when I thought of her.

I just can’t wait to see her again, I really missed her a lot.

I was so distracted on the way in that I almost drove to her place before remembering she said that she would be waiting at my apartment yesterday.

She's probably gonna be either in the bathroom taking a bath, as she always prefers my bathroom. Her apartment has a shower, and as she finds it too tiring to stand sometimes, she prefers to shower at my place, and I kind of understand her and agree with her on this point.

When I come from work, I just want to lay down and stay up only if I need to, which tends to become rare once I'm in my bed, and basically nonexistent when y/n happens to lay besides me, and even if I dared to think of leaving without her, I think she wouldn't agree, we literally both can't stay away from each other, we're as magnets, in a way.

She could also be watching the same episodes of Doctor Who for god knows how many times. I would often find her still watching it at 2AM when I'd wake up at night.

I even had to pull her to bed myself, and tossed her over my shoulder once.

I don't think she's sleeping now, she's literally a ball of energy, if I take the 'still watching tv at 2am' matter. If I didn't pull her to bed, I bet she would have kept watching it.

I would normally say that she's a child, but I'm also a child myself sometimes, so I can't make fun of her, which would literally be as I made fun of me; but it's okay, we often make fun of the other, so there's so harm in doing it, as it's basically how we talk generally.

Which includes her calling me 'genius', 'smart pants', '187', and, I know it isn't the subject, but, gosh, her smile when she laughs, it's honestly one of my favorite things about her.

So, her making fun of me isn't that bad if it means that I get to see her laughing and all happy.

As I looked at the surroundings, I soon came to the realization that I happened to be close to the destination, just a block away I'd say.

If there weren't other cars around me, and people, I would have sped as I was on a highway to get there faster.

Although the ride was less than a quarter of an hour (depending on traffic, it could maximum be twenty minutes), it still somehow felt longer…if I don't count the times I had to stop to let people cross the street.

I also really blamed other people for being there at the moment as I was driving, that was a bit stupid, people weren't going to stop because I had to see my girlfriend (even if, I admit that I wouldn't have mind if they did stop, it could...be nice.), they absolutely don't care about it, as much as again, the inverse could have been cool, but absolutely unlikely to happen in this reality.

I sighed for a long minute when the familiar structures came to my field of view, logically meaning that I was really close to see her, I wish I could have sped the car, but as always, people.

I hope she doesn't mind the fact that I made her wait (and still am right now), but I'm pretty sure she won't mind, just "yell" at me about it, but nothing including hate.

As I stopped the engine in front of the building, undoing my seatbelt and stepping out of the car before locking it after my exit, I excitedly made my way to the entry of the building, almost tripping on some of the steps considering how impatient I was.

Although I was really impatient, I wouldn't have quite appreciated the fact of breaking a leg, so I obviously slowed down and paid attention a bit more.

You could really compare it as what a kid feels like on the morning of Christmas waking up to see his present, except right now, what I was truly waiting for, was to see her when I'd open the door; but she wasn’t only a gift, she was my everything, my person.

I really tend to get emotional when I talk about her, I don’t know why. I remember almost crying when I thought she hurt herself badly one day, but she only fell down a step, it was nothing bad, but I really thought she had broken something, I hope she didn’t break a bone or anything else while I was gone; she often tends to be clumsy.

After getting lost in my thoughts (for the millionth time today), I took the keys out of my pocket and softly opened the door, closing it once I entered while trying not to make a lot of noise.

It quite surprised me to see my apartment this time.

Small lights were attached to the wall, above it, small polaroid pictures taped down, some hearts, probably cut down, in coloured paper I think.

The only lights were coming from the ones attached to the wall, so the apartment wasn’t quite visible, but still, I didn’t turn the light on in case she happened to be asleep, which happened to be what I expected, as I saw a distinct figure on a couch, a blanket wrapped around it.

I sat down to her level, taking a moment to watch her for a bit before putting my hand on her head, as I gently stroked her hair.

The sight of her was so beautiful, and after being away for a week, it truly was the best thing to come home to. I could never get sick of it, that became my favorite thing to see after we met, and it’ll always stay that way, I don’t think it’ll ever change.

I could watch her for hours, and I wouldn’t even realize how much time would go by, But realizing it, I don’t know if that could be considered as psychopath behavior…

As long as there’s no bad intentions, I guess it isn’t.

Yeah, I think the lack of sleep is kicking in right now, I’m saying weird stuff. Y/N would probably say I’m crazy if she ever happened to hear me.

I also figured out that while she was asleep, I could possibly give her a little bit more sleep, while I take a shower, change myself and possibly cook some food?

Without burning it...of course.

I wouldn’t like her to eat burned food, even if she won’t really mind, she’s not a good cook either, so at least we understand each other. But still, I’d like her to eat something not burned.

I’ll just see what I can do after, I already have things to do, and if I keep thinking I still won’t have done one thing before she wakes up.

Stroking her hair one more time, I raised myself up as I glanced at her one more time, smiling as I did so. I left the room, heading to the bathroom.

I’m not going to lie to myself, but I literally spend less time in the bathroom than usual.

All of my motions were sped up and without even realizing it, it probably was mainly because I was way too impatient to get out of the room to have y/n in sight again.

I honestly never did that with anyone else before, was I scared that she would suddenly disappear or something? She was literally asleep.

Yeah, I tend to get paranoid even when she’s in the next room, with absolutely no danger in sight, I just imagine stuff that could seem a bit ridiculous if heard by someone else.

I guess that’s why I don’t talk to anyone about it, but, I don’t think anyone would take it badly, I just -again- think people are going to react badly- when it’s perfectly normal, everyone worries about their loved ones, maybe not as bad as me, but- they worry.

But now, absolutely everything is fine, I don’t have to start worrying, I’m gonna walk out of the bathroom and she’s simply going to be there, exactly where she was when I left, probably asleep...or not.

She doesn’t have a light sleep at all, it’s a task to wake her up in the morning, and I don’t think she ever woke up when I accidentally dropped utensils in the kitchen one day. I just saw her slightly moving, but when I called her name, she didn’t even wake up.

That happened to be quite surprising when I just saw her, sitting on the couch as I left the bathroom.

We looked at each other, and I just froze in place, kind of confused.

She never wakes up first, I’m the one who usually wakes her up, so, I was quite confused when I just saw her awake, about to stand up.

“I didn’t hear you coming…” Y/N said, rubbing her eyes.

“That’s literally because I did everything not to wake you up. Did the uh...water wake you up?”

“I just woke up a few minutes ago, oh and I’m sorry, I was just tired after you know, cleaning, and that…” She explained, pointing at the decorations. “I can just take them off if you don’t like them, it’s-”

“What- no! I like what you did, that’s really nice.” I quickly reassured her, making my way towards the couch. “Why would you think I wouldn’t like it?”

“I just, you don’t decorate it often, so I thought I’d do that, I...I’m not sure if you’ll be home for valentine’s day as you were away often because of work, so...I did that, so you wouldn’t feel bad or anything. Is it too much?”

“Not at all. Don’t worry, I do get why you did that. I hope you don’t feel bad, I’m kind of worried that you feel upset when I’m away, I’m not here as much as I would like to be, you didn’t expect this when we started dating, I feel bad sometimes.”

“I don’t feel bad, you’re just doing your job, and hey, even if some cases don’t end well, you get to catch the ones who did it, so they won’t hurt anyone else, so why would I get upset?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“And, I know that even if you don’t say it, you’re worried for me, so don’t be. I’m completely fine, and if anything happens, you know that I’ll call you.”

“I know too, and you don’t lie on this point because you called me once when there was a spider in your shower.”

“...yeah, I did. And you laughed at me when I called.”

“That’s because I knew she wasn’t as big as you described. When I came, she didn’t even have the size of a coin, she was so small.”

“She wasn’t that small.”

“She kind of was. She wasn’t two millimeters tall, but not two centimeters.”

“I exaggerated a bit.” She admitted, slightly hitting me with her elbow when she saw a smile on my face. “It’s not funny!”

“It kind of is.”

“I swear that I’m gonna cook burned eggs for you and force you to eat them.”

“Burned eggs are like regular ones to me, neither of us know how to make them normal.”

“...true. So, in that case, what are we supposed to do right now?”

“I think we should do some pasta, it isn’t really difficult...if we follow the steps like it’s told.”

“Yeah, I just hope we won’t burn the apartment. I prefer to burn the pasta rather than set a fire.”

“Same thing.”

“Okay, let’s hope we don’t burn anything.”

“Oh, wait. I forgot.”

“What did you forget?” She asked, visibly confused.

“I forgot...that,” I said, pausing as I kissed her cheek which earned a small giggle from y/n. “And...that.” I continued, heading over to where my bag was.

"You didn't have to Spence, really."

"Yes, I had. You have to see how cute that is." I explained, walking back to her. "Look at that, it's adorable, a small pumpkin."

"Okay, it really is." She smiled, taking the small item. "It's from our favourite holiday. I miss buying pumpkins, I haven't done it since I was a kid."

"Yeah, it's been a while for me too. I wish we could do it, but I don't have much of an idea where they could be. We both live in buildings, and I doubt the landlords or the neighbors will appreciate this."

"They definitely won't. I guess we'll do it later, when we're married maybe, or…more simply, when the team will know."

"Oh, yeah...that."

"That, yeah."

"I do think they know by now."

"Probably, it's been five months, and you've been acting like nothing but a guy that's absolutely in love these past weeks."

"What can I say? I couldn't really hide it anymore."

"You could have been more discreet, you were literally surrounded by profilers, they definitely catched up."

"I should have asked you to teach me how to be clumsy. That way I would have broken a leg."

"Hey! I'm not doing it on purpose!"

"It looks like it! You almost broke your leg when you fell off a single step!"

"I'm gonna push you up the stairs one day if that's what you want."

"And how are you gonna do without me? You can't even cook."

"You can't either."

"I'll have Rossi teach me. He can basically teach anyone."

"Then why do you still suck? You visited him a lot from what you told me."

"I uh...didn't participate, I just watched."

"Then that explains it."

"I can cook! I'm gonna show you."

"Okay, I'm watching."

"Don't make fun of me!" I shouted, taking the pillow off the couch to throw it at her.

I shouldn't have done that, I literally started a war that lasted at least…twenty minutes, then we talked more, ten more minutes, then again, which led us to eat one hour later.

Eventually, we managed not to burn anything at all and ended the afternoon on the couch, talking about whatever came to mind.

"We should do something for the next few days. In case you get called, we should at least do something fun." She proposed, hesitating.

"Like what, I don't have many ideas…"

"Um well…what do we both like to do usually?"

"Let me think...coffee?"

"What about...we go on dates, except it's with coffee too."

"So, coffee dates?"

"Yeah. We could also add something to make it more...fun."

"A kind of...challenge?"

"Mhm."

"I think there’s a new place that opened recently? We could try it out."

"Maybe other ones too. Wait- I got an idea.

"Which is?"

"A mission to find the best cup of coffee in town. We both like coffee, and It’d be nice to discover what the other shops have."

"That could work, totally."

"Okay. Coffee dates and coffee missions it is."

"The title is kind of weird." I admitted

"Do you have anything else to propose?"

"Just dates, I guess."

"It's so basic." She argued.

"But it's easier though."

"Easier than telling you have a girlfriend?" Y/N asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Then if you bring up that, yeah, it's easier than that."

"I knew it."

"Of course you did.”

“That’s because I’m always right.”

“Always? I’m not so sure about that.”

“Are you insinuating that I’m not smart enough Reid?”

“Maybe.” I teased.

“I’m really going to kill you, I didn’t forget what I said earlier.”

“You wouldn’t dare to.”

“Don’t be so sure about that.” She insisted.

“Okay, I apologize. You’re as smart as I am.”

“I prefer that answer.” Y/N approved, which sent the both of us into a fit of laughter, which seemed totally endless at first.

It lasted about five minutes before we sort of calmed ourselves to come back to a calm state. We didn’t look much at each other, as we knew it would do nothing but make us laugh again for a duration we didn’t even know.

But, even if that meant that we would laugh for a few minutes, even if that meant that we’d both complain because our stomachs would hurt, it’ll have been worth it, I wouldn’t have regretted it.

These were the moments we both knew the other appreciated to spend, we both took a liking for these, and often tend to forget about everything else.

It would just be the two of us; we’d forget about work, anxieties, just for a moment.

Work has always been a problem to me, I couldn’t see her as much as I’d like, having to interrupt an afternoon we thought would be calm to go to work, having to stay away more than I thought.

Although, even if that remains an inconvenience, it never made our relationship weaker, it stayed the way it was, from the moment we met each other.

Even back then when we barely knew anything else about each other at the library, it didn’t take us much time to get along as if we were friends for years and not one week.

We’ve always had a strong relationship, it never really changed.

Work would eventually get in the way, and it’ll be okay. We would learn to adapt, and just live with it, and it really worked out to be fine, and not as bad as I thought.

I think that I was afraid at the beginning, when we just started dating. Mostly because I thought she wouldn’t appreciate my schedule, the fact that I would be away for one week, and go back to work only after two days, I thought she’d get tired of it, and realize that it wasn’t the kind of relationship that suited her.

I really turned out to be wrong. Five months later, we’re still together, and sometimes it’s almost as if we’re not five states away from the other.

Let’s hope we’ll get to have -at least- a week, it would be nice. It’s been a while since we had more than three days without the sound of my phone meaning vacation time was over.

Plus, we get to do something we don’t usually do as often as we’d like to. We’ve already gone to coffee shops, but it’s been a month or so since; so I’m really excited about that new mission of ours.

It’s another thing to add to the list of our numerous and diverses adventures I get to spend with her.

Let me know what you thought of this fic here!

The next and last part is coming on April 2nd/3rd (just so that the tags don’t get clogged)

#cm #cm fic #cm spencer reid #spencer reid #spencer reid cm #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfic #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #Criminal Minds Spencer Reid #cm fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff

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ot3tropetober · 4 years

Photo

Eliot and Hardison are travel journalists for rival publications who keep showing up in the same places

Fic for this (~3500 words) is below the read more! Some notes:

[backstory on why Hardison is writing these comes from this post]

[Eliot, Parker, and Hardison are all commenting on this document, think of it like the chat in Google drive? In-document comments from Eliot are italicized, from Hardison are in bold, and from Parker are plain text]

By the time Will Coffey stepped off the plane in Dallas, all he wanted was a nice long shower and to sleep in his own bed for once. Being a travel journalist for a leading travel magazine had its perks– a month-long trip across Mexico, for example, all expenses paid or at least reimbursed – but after a month on the road he was dead tired and ready to be home.

Is this supposed to be me? Why am I living in Dallas?

Yes, and also, you don’t actually live in Dallas, Eliot, you live here, in Portland, with us.

I know that, I just– you know what, never mind.

Well, Will Coffey likes Dallas.

I am Will Coffey!!

That’s the spirit.

The other thing about being on the road for a living was that sometimes it felt kinda lonely, and as relieved as he was to be home, the first couple of minutes after he walked in, turned on the lights, and looked around at an empty place, that was always a little bittersweet. But the only other person he’d really seen in any kind of serious capacity the whole time he’d had this gig was a fellow traveler who spent just as much time on the road as he did, so it just kinda was what it was. He set his keys and his bag down and headed to the kitchen for a beer, but he hadn’t even opened his fridge when his phone buzzed a couple times. It was a text from Sarah, his editor. He’d known her forever– they shared a couple classes in college. Now they shared the stress of managing a print publication in an increasingly digital world.

“Did you see this?” she had written. There was a link in the next message. “How does this guy get this stuff up so fast?“

Will already knew what he was gonna find before he clicked the link, and sure enough, it directed him to a popular travel blog called The Travel Geek, which was a ridiculous name for a travel blog but people absolutely went wild for it. Will liked it too, not that he would ever really admit it, but that probably had more to do with the guy who ran it than anything else. They had…not a thing, exactly? It was hard to explain whatever was going on with Jeremy Edwards, who by rights Will should probably hate for stealing his stories and his audience. But the problem with that was mainly that the guy was so goddamn likeable.

I’m guessing that’s you.

You would be correct.

You think I think you’re likeable?

No, I know it.

he is pretty likeable

Yeah, yeah.

Will had met Jeremy a couple of years ago, right when he was just starting out with his blog. Jeremy said he’d been reading Will’s stuff for a while and would love some advice from a pro. It wasn’t like Will didn’t know it was a little bit of flattery, and it wasn’t like he didn’t know it was a little bit of flirting, either. It also wasn’t like Jeremy was bad to look at. So Will said sure, he’d be glad to, and they were in Belgium, so they shared some beers, ate fries from a baraque at one in the morning on a park bench, shoulders pressed together, while Will tipsily rhapsodized about gaufre de Liège while Jeremy laughed and laughed.

I have never *rhapsodized* about anything in my damn life.

Have you heard you talk about food? This is not a criticism. I could listen to that all day.

Nothing really happened, in the end, just a good conversation and the promise to keep in touch. That turned out to be easier than it should have been, because they started covering the same damn things, all the time. One big world, and somehow they were always sharing part of it: Will was in India on a camel safari through the Thar Desert, and Jeremy was there, keeping Will up at night tappity tapping on his keyboard. Or Will was in Oatman, Arizona, for a piece on Route 66, and there was Jeremy, taking selfies with the wild burros roaming the streets of the town. Or Will was traveling around Japan, doing a feature on onsens, and Jeremy was there, too, acting like he wasn’t looking in Will’s direction while they sat, very naked, in the soothing hot water. It went on like that for a while until finally one night in Barcelona, in front of Sagrada Familia, he looked at Jeremy, tall and handsome in this absurd brightly patterned scarf, and said, “This is ridiculous, man,” and pulled him in for a long, lingering kiss.

Do you honestly think it would have taken me that long?

I don’t know, baby, it took your cowboy ass five years in real time, so Will’s doing a lot better than you.

OoooooooOooo

We had a lot goin on!!! And what is that supposed to be, parker? are you some kind of ghost?

it made more sense in person

I’ll take your word for it.

It wasn’t a relationship, exactly. It was just something they did, sometimes, if they happened to run into each other on the road. It wasn’t like he was getting invited home for the holidays, or anything, and he was fine with that, really. The long and short of it was, they’d basically been circling each other for years now, professionally, personally, whatever, but the professional stuff was definitely getting in the way of anything else. Because Will would sit down and write out his long, detailed articles with carefully selected photographs that would look just right on the page, while Jeremy had already turned out quick blog entry after quick blog entry, listing off places people should visit with witty little one sentence summaries, and people just ate it right up with a spoon while Adventure., Will’s magazine, slowly saw its sales circling the drain. It stung a little. Maybe more than a little. It wasn’t like he could say the guy wasn’t working hard, but damn. Hell, the best selling issue they’d had in a couple years was the one where Sarah had masterminded a collaboration between Will and Jeremy. Blogging was definitely here to stay.

That night in Belgium was five years ago, and at the time it seemed impossible that the internet would ever really fully overtake print. But bloggers and phones had both gotten smarter over the last five years, and now everyone wanted their news in little chunks that they could read on a screen during their commute, so travel blogs were the hot new thing. Will grimaced as he looked at the blog entries Jeremy already had up from Mexico, where they’d run into each other at least half a dozen times.

Five Reasons You Need to Visit Mexico City Right Now; What You’re Missing Because You’re Not in Monterrey; Everything You Wanted to Know About Agave But Were Too Afraid to Ask

“You gotta be kidding me with this,” he muttered, staring at his phone and thinking about the half-written article he had saved on his laptop detailing the history of agave and how to experience Jalisco as more than just the birthplace of tequila.

He pulled up Sarah’s number and dialed.

“I don’t know how we can compete with this,” he sighed, when she picked up.

“We’re going to have to adapt,” she said. “You know that. I can hear you making a face."

"I don’t want to blog,” he complained. “I like print."

"I know,” she sighed. “I’m working on it. Anyway, I’m glad you called, I was going to call you. I need you to go to Italy. Flight leaves tomorrow."

"No way. Not interested,” he told her. “I just got back to my apartment, Sarah, I’ve been in Mexico for a month. I’m beat."

"It’s not my fault that you spend half your time on extracurricular activities,” she teased.

“You can just say sex,” he said. “I won’t be offended. And it’s not half my time. Like, maybe twenty-five percent. Anyway, I get the job done."

"Yeah, and you’re very good at it, which is why I need you to go to Italy,” she said.

“I’m not saying yes,” he told her, “and I’m not interested. But what’s in Italy that’s so important for me to get to?"

"You’ll love this one,” Sarah promised. “It’s a food festival."

Okay, maybe he was a little interested. "Oh?”

“Yeah,” she said. His phone buzzed in his ear. “I just emailed you the details. Including your flight info."

"Dammit, Sarah–"

"Oops, emergency, the printer’s on fire, gotta go!” she chirped, and the line disconnected.

Yeah okay that’s Parker huh

Yep!

I do know y'all a little bit.

“Dammit,” Will said again, and opened Sarah’s email to read up on his next destination.

The food festival turned out to be a week long international celebration of local food from around the world. It only happened once every few years in October, when a world of people descended on the city of Torino, and more specifically the park by the River Po, where they set up tents and stands and served pretty much every kind of food you could imagine, and Will loved food and could imagine a lot, so that was saying something. It was pretty cool, seeing all these people from all over the planet showing off food that was important to them, sharing it with strangers. It really was the whole planet, too, the way the park was set up you could walk through a continent at a time, with all the countries on it represented at their own space. He figured he’d pay his respects to the hosts first and start with Italy, which was definitely the largest section. Halfway through the displays he found a stall with some folks from Campania selling fresh mozzarella di bufala the size of his fist for a Euro. It was speared on a stick like a candy apple so he could walk around with it, nibbling on the sweet cheese as he checked out the festival’s other offerings. Aged cheeses covered in mud and straw from a little town in France. A swanky tent with wood plank floors where the Filipino agriculture offices had a set up with big displays dedicated to traditional food and heirloom crops. Six different kinds of wild rice were layered in a glass display bottle in the booth dedicated to Indigenous agriculture in North America. There were folks from the Yucatan peninsula displaying cured meats and wild honey. There was a whole series of displays about preserving, protecting, and raising Maasai red sheep, from Kenya. The whole event was really impressive, actually, and even though his body had no idea what time zone he was in, he didn’t feel too tired– although that might have been more because he’d been downing every cup of coffee from anyone selling it.

Okay, this actually sounds pretty cool. But now you gotta fake a whole food festival like this if we ever use these aliases.

I don’t have to. That’s a real thing. Happens every couple of years. I was gonna ask if you wanted to go to the next one. Parker can probably find us a job after, anyway.

I’d love– like that.

Hardison. HARDISON.

Why isn’t this deleting the things I tell it to delete???

Ooh, forgot to tell y'all, this chat records your keystrokes? You know. Just in case you happen to type something sappy about how much you love me, and then delete it before you send it in the chat. Pretty much exactly what just happened.

Dammit Hardison I’m gonna delete YOU

Baby, that doesn’t even make any sense.

im w hardison on this 1. it’s ok if u love things eliot. especially food . or us

Just let me finish reading Hardison’s make believe story so I can get back to dinner prep, ok?

(he loves us)

I know :)

Will strolled around the park, snapping photos here and there, jotting down notes. He talked to folks from all over who came here to run their country’s booths, locals who had come out to enjoy the day, and people who had traveled long distances to be there. After a couple of hours and a really good lunch, he found an unoccupied bench near the river and posted up there for a while, notebook open next to him as he flipped through photos on his phone, the story he could tell about this event already starting to take shape in his head, and he had to admit, at least to himself, that Sarah had been right about this one. Nobody else on their staff knew food enough to get this right. But even though he had a good idea where to start, he couldn’t help feeling a little overwhelmed, too. You could spend two weeks here and still not talk to everybody, and it seemed important to try, somehow.

“Well, well, well,” said a voice, and Will looked up from his phone and his notes to see the tall form of none other than Jeremy Edwards.

“Dammit, Edwards,” Will swore. “You’ve gotta be kidding me. Again?"

Yeah it’s pretty much EXACTLY like that every time

Mmmhmm. You talk a big game, man, but no one here believes you.

What he said ur like that stuff u put on the dessert u made 4 us last wk

Stuff on dessert– the Italian meringue? You really comparing me to Italian meringue?!

Is that the stuff that was kinda hard and crunchy on the outside but actually really soft and sweet inside?

Yep that’s the stuff

This is the worst conversation we’ve ever had.

It’s weird how I can hear you smiling right now, though.

Shut up, Hardison, I’m reading.

Got him! XD

"Looks like it,” Jeremy said. He took a seat next to Will on the bench, despite the fact that Will had absolutely not fucking offered it to him. He grinned. Will looked back at his notes before he smiled back. “We’ve really gotta stop meeting like this."

"Yeah, well, trust me, I’m working on it,” Will grumbled, and risked a look at Jeremy again. Still handsome, and still smiling, unfortunately. He thought about the blog a little and made himself frown. “So, you’re here to blog about this, huh? How many blog posts have you done already?"

"None so far,” Jeremy said, scratching his chin, “but I am working on one right now. Tentative title, How to Tell The Guy You’re Casually Seeing And Have Been Chasing All Over the Globe That His Boss Sent Me Here To Work With Him."

Well, there was a lot of information there, but Will decided maybe sticking with the professional stuff was better for now. "I’m sorry, you’re here for what?"

Jeremy shrugged. "Sarah really liked that collaboration thing she got us to do last year, I guess, wanted to try it again for this. I said yes. It’s good for your magazine and it gives my blog some credibility with all you snooty print folks."

"We’re not snooty,” Will said, although that wasn’t exactly true. Maybe they were, a little. He unlocked his phone and saw the email from Sarah, the subject line of which read: “DON’T ARGUE IT WILL BE GOOD FOR YOU/US/THE MAGAZINE.” He sighed and looked back at Jeremy. “I can’t believe she sent you to a food thing."

"I’m offended,” Jeremy said, although it didn’t much sound like it. “I know food."

"Oh really? So last year when we were in Beijing and you were looking for a McDonald’s that was just you knowing food, huh,” Will drawled.

“Sometimes you just really want a Happy Meal,” Jeremy joked, and Will just shook his head.

“I guess we should figure out what we’re doing, then,” he said, and Jeremy raised his eyebrows.

“About the story,” he said, “right?"

"Yeah, about the story,” Will grumbled.

“Whatever you say,” Jeremy said affably, just like always.

It was actually pretty easy to figure out how to cover the festival now that he had a partner in crime. They worked out a plan that afternoon, sketched out a couple of pieces, a collab for Adventure., a short guest piece for Will on The Travel Geek, and a short story in the magazine for Jeremy. Sarah signed off on everything from afar– “What time is it where she is? Does that woman ever sleep?” Jeremy asked, as they both got email after email. “I don’t think she does, man,” Will laughed– and they got to work pretty quick. There was plenty to do and they were both here for a few days, so they wandered through the park as they worked, stopping occasionally to sample food or take photos. Eventually they walked all the way out of the park and into the city, up to a big plaza, Piazza Castello, in the center of the historic part of town. They got gelato from one of the many carts set up nearby for the festival, and sat outside, eating and talking as the sun set.

It was nice. It was always nice, when they ran into each other. That wasn’t the problem. But they’d been stuck in the same routine for years now: they’d find themselves in the same place, Jeremy would laugh, Will would pretend he was annoyed, and then they’d spend a good chunk of their time together enjoying each other’s company in as many ways as they could find, and then they’d head to the airport and go their separate ways. And that was that. This shouldn’t be any different, but somehow it was. Maybe it was the sunset lighting up Jeremy’s skin, or maybe he’d just been lonely too long, but maybe they needed to figure out what they were doing with more than just the stories they were here to tell.

“You wanna get dinner?” Will said, before he could talk himself out of it.

“Yeah,” Jeremy said, smiling again, and this time Will let himself smile back. Just a little.

They asked around for recommendations and ended up at a little restaurant in the city, a few blocks from the Piazza. They split a bottle of wine, a margherita pizza, and some perfectly fried fish, and they didn’t really talk about work at all.

“You know,” Jeremy said, about halfway through the wine, “not for nothing, but I’ve gotta say, this looks and feels a lot like a date."

"I wasn’t under the impression that you’d be opposed to that,” Will said.

“Oh, I’m not opposed,” Jeremy told him, “I’m just a little surprised you’re asking. I figured at this point it was gonna have to be me who said something."

Will eyed him carefully, thought back to a lot of nights on a lot of trips. "How long exactly have you been waiting around?"

"I mean, don’t get the wrong idea, here, I haven’t been pining away for you like some Victorian in a bad novel,” Jeremy said, and Will snorted. “But yeah. I played a long game, man. I gotta say, though, after that fishing boat incident in Guyana I really thought you figured out we had a thing."

"Yeah, well, I didn’t have time to notice, I was too busy taking pictures of you hiding behind that skinny British guy when that big old fish jumped out of the water,” Will snickered.

“Big old– that thing was two-hundred and thirty-four pounds of ichthyological torpedo headed straight for yours truly,” Jeremy said, and Will chuckled. “Big doesn’t really describe it.”

“Hmm. It was kinda wild he thought we were gonna get in the water with it,” Will mused. He winked. “Glad you finally remembered you owed me dinner for keeping him from pushing us into the river."

"Ha. You know Sarah wants us to work with that guy again, right?"

"Aw, hell,” Will said. “Really?"

"Yeah,” Jeremy confirmed. “She said she was gonna talk to you about it when we got back from this. Canada this time, so when Mister Fisherman tries to throw me in the water at least the hypothermia will probably get me before the monster fish does."

"Nah,” Will said. “Don’t worry about that. Nobody throws you off a fishing boat. Except maybe me. No. Well. Maybe. No,” he concluded.

Hah. I mean, okay, that does sound like me.

Oh, I am aware, trust me.

“Sarah maybe also mentioned we might do a few more of these little…collaborative things,” Jeremy said, drawing invisible circles on the table. “Maybe even in a more formal capacity."

Will raised his eyebrows. "No way she talked you into giving up the blog."

"Oh, definitely not,” Jeremy said. “But funnily enough, people keep sending me emails about wanting a print version of some of my photographs? But I don’t really have the publishing connections. A magazine, though…” he shrugged. “Me and Sarah figured we might come to some kind of mutually beneficial arrangement, somehow. Might be seeing more of you, is what I’m trying to say."

"Can’t say I mind that,” Will said, and reached out across the table to cover Jeremy’s hand with his.

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Jeremy answered, and this time Will didn’t try to hide his smile.

/end

Okay?

Okay, what?

Well where the hell is the rest of it?

What rest of it? It’s clearly implied that they’re dating now. They’re dating, they’re happy, they’re gonna work together for real, happily ever after, et cetera.

they should have at least kissed. i would be into that

This is what I’m saying. Where’s the resolution, here?

Baby, anytime you want a kiss, you know where to find me.

What I want is for you to take this seriously since you’re making us read all of it.

Wow, okay. Here:

They walked around the city for a long time after dinner, still holding hands, and the kiss they shared later under the moonlight felt like a promise. The Actual End.

Y'all happy?

too sappy 4 me but idk what eliot thinks

Not your best work but it’ll do, I guess.

Are you still in the kitchen?

Yeah, why?

I’m gonna come give you a demonstration of my best work, that’s why.

Bring it on, man.

do i get a demo too

You know it.

#author: coffeesuperhero #leverage ot3 #parker x hardison x eliot #hardison x eliot #leverage #ot3tropetober #submission

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daydreamsofh · 4 years

Text

Dreaming of You

A/N: Hi, hello friends!! Here is Dreaming of You, this is a slight continuation/part two to my piece from the Pick Your Poison Fic challenge last month! You don’t have to have read Dreamy to understand what’s going on in this piece, but if you wanna, you are more than welcome to do so, here. :) I hope you enjoy the continued yearning and please feel free to let me know what you think! xx

Also a special thanks to my girl @harryinsweatersandbandanas for listening to me ramble about this for weeks now, love you <3

The past month of your life has felt like nothing short of a dream. A dream filled with you confessing your undying love to your best friend, and him very, very surprisingly declaring it back to you. You literally could not make it up if you tried.

The two of you had only spent a small amount of time together since your life altering, relationship altering monologue. Now it really was like an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. What the hell was going to happen next?!

Harry had spent the night at your place that night, the two of you spending the entire afternoon into the evening reading through his letters to you and giggling and sharing kisses and making him explain each and every letter and what he was feeling when he wrote it. You traced his handwriting on each letter, smiling like a mad woman when you realized he had already told you he loved you over and over again, in different cities and countries all over the world. How many times had you both said I Love You at the same time, out loud, but not to each other? Wrapped up and tucked against his side, Harry pressed kisses into your hair and softly looked down at you, smiring and chest puffing over the fact that your cheeks had been burning red since he first slid the pile of notes across the island to you.

Nothing had happened that night further than gentle kisses and cuddling. Mainly because you were still in utter disbelief that he felt the same way, and that he was here curled up in your living room giving you kiss after kiss and also because you weren’t completely convinced he was real and holding you. What kind of over the top, non stop yearning daydream was this?

It was kind of unbelievable the way things had turned out. Okay not kind of, more like incredibly unbelievable that things had turned out so, so beautifully. You woke up asleep on Harry’s chest on your couch the next morning and you had to quietly slip from on top of him because you were afraid you were going to start crying from the vision of this man in front of you. Happy tears this time though.

But that’s all that had really happened, that one night together and he was off the next morning to finalize tour details. He had left you with a stream of kisses on your doorstep, and a promise to see you soon.

The one thing you didn’t account for when you delivered your inner monologue to Harry was the timing of it all. Shortly after the listening party and the week you spent hiding from him, he was supposed to start a brand new tour. But that dream was cut short and he was forced to reschedule the european leg, and self isolation had officially started. You knew Harry was upset and disappointed that things had to be rescheduled. He knew there was nothing he could do, it was out of his hands, but that didn’t stop him from feeling badly. After he told you about the tour being rescheduled, you were right there with him, well not literally right there with him but he had called you the moment they had made the decision.

It was easy to tell how disappointed he was by the tone of his voice, and it made your heart ache hearing him beat himself up about it. His usual honeyed slowed rasp was even more drowned out and you had only managed to get a small snicker out of him by the end of the phone call. You told him that you loved him, and that you were proud of him for always seeing the bigger picture, no matter how hard it was sometimes.

You were granted access to work from home, so you knew where you would be, but you had no idea where Harry would be for the length of this self isolation period the entire world seemed to be in. You almost didn’t want to ask because you didn't want to seem like you were the overly attached new girlfriend that wanted to spend every possible second with him. Sure you both said I love you but you still were trying to play it sort of cool, as much as you could. Have you seen him? Playing it cool was next to impossible.

But one night, about three days into quarantining by yourself there was a knock at your door.

You opened the door to your apartment to find a curly headed (and you hated yourself for how mushy this man makes you AND how mushy it sounds) angel face of a man staring back at you.

You squealed, actually squealed when his eyes met yours and he never got tired of seeing how excited you got from seeing him. He positively scrambled to hug you as soon as you swung the door open and you laughed and steadied the two of you by putting your hands on his shoulders as the two of you stood in your doorway and softly hummed as you swayed together.

Once he finally let go so you could breathe he asked you, “Hi angel, are you busy?” He raised an eyebrow at you and laughed once you rolled your eyes.

“You are not a funny man you wanker.” You giggled, very loudly and your cheeks started to blush when you saw his eyes crinkle at your quip and you mumbled a very shy, “I missed you” into his neck.

He grabbed your hand and laced your fingers together before bringing your hand up to his lips to kiss. “I missed you too, love. M’sorry I haven’t been around lately or called. Head’s been in a bit of a mess after postponing everythin’. M’sorry. You deserve better than tha’ from me.”

His eyes were so soft and he looked like a little boy peering down at you and you could tell he genuinely felt bad for not being around, even though you didn’t expect him to be after the past few weeks he had. You knew he would come back to you when he was ready, he always did.

“I know. It’s okay, H. It’s a lot to digest. I’m sorry.” You smiled softly reached out to touch his cheek and his eyes shut at the reassuring contact. He melted into your touch and your fingers started to twitch against his cheek. How was it that even though you told him you loved him and he repeated the words back to you, that you were still this nervous? Butterflies were fluttering around in your stomach and the longer you looked at him the giddier you got. You couldn’t believe that you were the one that got to reach out and touch his face and feel his lips against your own, it was all still so surreal. And special. And the thought of all of the new possibilities that were floating around in the air between the two of you was enough to make you feel like you were walking on air. What is it about the beginnings of a new relationship or even a new friendship that fill you with so much joy you literally have no choice but to laugh so some of the joy could be released into the air for you to feel? Whatever it was, you knew that you and Harry had an untapped amount of it left to discover. God you loved him.

After a minute of you daydreaming about the new possibilities of your relationship, Harry said your name to get your attention.

“Alrigh’ there?” He laughed at you and chucked under your chin with his thumb. “Let me have a kiss, angel, been waitin’ long enough.”

You squealed then too and puckered your lips and kissed him pertly one, two, three, four times. He was positively beaming at you when you broke apart and you asked him, “Better now?” He hummed and your heart dropped into your stomach (in a good way) and your throat became thick when he said “Never gonna get tired of getting to do tha’.”

Harry cleared his throat and said “I wanted to see you obviously but I also had a proposition f’you.” He raised an eyebrow at you and your stomach swirled at the possibilities of said proposition.

“Go on,” You raised your brow back at him and goaded him into continuing.

“Well, yeh working from home for the foreseeable future, right?” Your eyes went wide and you slowly nodded your head yes. “Well… y’know that the tour got postponed and that i’m staying home for a while, and I was wonderin’ if you would like to come quarantine at my house w’me?”

Your mouth fell open and before you could say anything Harry started again.

“Know it's not supposed to be a romantic thing or summat and that the situation is serious but-” He was starting to ramble nervously and you saw the skin of his neck turn pink. “I thought you might like someone to keep yeh company, and I just really wanna spend some time w’you. Haven't gotten to properly have a date or even hold yeh since our big love fest.”

“Our love fest?” You sputtered out a laugh and he started snickering.

“Y’know what I mean. Maybe we can have a real love fest later.” He smirked at you and you felt your knees buckle.

Breath positively knocked out of your lungs, you managed to squeak out, “No I suppose we haven’t gotten to do that yet. Good things come to those who wait, H.”

That had his nostrils flaring and he suddenly had a tickle in his throat. When he didn’t speak you took the opportunity to ask him, “Are you sure? I don’t want to impose or step on your toes. Plus who knows how long we could be in self isolation, and I don’t want you to hate me by the end of it.”

You laughed and you knew you were mostly joking, but there was also this fear that you had that if the two of you really spent some time together, he would somehow change his mind. That if he really saw you, day in and day out he would see something he didn't like. Unlikely though considering he had practically written you an entire book of love letters. Those insecurities that you had always had were still there at the surface, always afraid that something would happen and Harry would slip through your fingers like water. You almost had him so many times over the years and even though it seemed like you were both in this together now you still hadn’t had that conversation yet. Sure you were in love but what does that really mean?

There were so many things you and Harry had left to talk about and you had so many things to discover with one another. But the more you thought about it this might be THE perfect time to get to know each other on this new level. Day in and day out together to learn what it’s truly like to be loved by him. And plus all of the fun and exciting and sexy steps that the two of you had to take together. Andhaving Harry all to yourself for the foreseeable future was enough to make you scream with excitement.

As you stood there mulling all of this over in your head Harry stood there patiently waiting for your response. He knew you well enough to know that you were running a possible million scenarios through your mind. He reached for your hand to lace your fingers together.

“Love, please don’t say things like that. Y’know there is nothing you could ever do to make me not want to spend time with you, do you remember me saying I was in love with you? The handful of love letters that have your name all over them? Been watchin’ too much TV and forgot?”

Your cheeks warmed and you were suddenly fidgeting again, everytime you were reminded that he loved you too it knocked the wind out of you. “C’mon love. Come stay with me. I don’t wanna go home w’out you. Come stay with me.”

You stood there melting under his stare and when you looked up at him from your fixture on your wood floor you smiled and bit your lip before nodding. Like hell if you’d leave now, you had waited long enough.

“Okay, okay. If I must keep you company in that ridiculously massive house of yours. I’d love to H.” You giggled to hide your squeal over the fact that you would be alone, ALONE with him for the next few weeks.

Suddenly Harry was in your apartment and picking you up and spinning you around. “Y’will? You’ll really come home w’me?” His lips were trembling and his smile took over his entire face as he held you tightly against him. Looking him up and down and smiling you fidgeted with the hem of his shirt and brought your eyes back to his, “Yes, yes i'll come home with you, H. It’ll be nice to have you to myself for a while.”

You were cut off from him lunging forward and kissing you so hard it hurt just a little bit and you melted into it. In just a matter of seconds he had you so pliant, puddy in his hands. As if you'd ever say no to spending the next few weeks wrapped up in him. Literally and figuratively. If the next few weeks consisted of kisses like this and his hands on you at all times, you were more than game for it.

“Y’have no idea how nice it’ll be, love”

That sentiment, actually more like a promise he was set to deliver on made your stomach drop in the most delicious way.

Breaking apart from his lips finally you were out of breath, and shakingly told him “Come in and wait for me so I can get my stuff.” Another kiss, “I won’t be long.”

Leaving Harry sitting in your living room waiting for you to get your stuff together, you texted Sam to let him know where you were going to be for the next few weeks. Sam was one of the first people you called after your and Harry’s “love fest”, and he was so excited he had to come over and scream about it with you in person. He had been texting you everyday waiting to see if anything else had happened yet. You knew telling him you were going to stay with Harry would make him almost excited as it made you. Pulling out your phone you typed out:

“Gonna be staying at Harry’s the next few weeks. Tour was postponed as you know and I’m so excited to spend time with him. Just wanted to let you know. xx”

Your phone dinged almost immediately with a response, you knew Sam was as bored as you were, on his phone even more than normal.

Sam: “OOOOOOH SHIT!!!!!!! That’s incredible babe! Hope you’re packing some lingerie because things are definitely going to happen, babe!”

Oh shit. Shit shit shit shit shit!! The possibility of sex hadn’t even crossed your mind, well, today it hadn’t crossed your mind. Obviously sex with Harry has crossed your mind over the years of your friendship. Have you seen him? No, seriously, have you seen him?! It’s infuriating that he looks like that. And it’s not like you didn’t know he was well endowed, years of friendship and accidentally and sometimes not accidentally (on harry’s part) you had seen him naked and willed your eyes away to not look at it, even though it was next to impossible. The thought of having the real thing and so so so much more was exhilarating, terrifying, and made your stomach clench and your cheeks heat up. As exciting as the opportunity of being with Harry in that way was, it made your insecurities spill out all over again. How many women had he been with? You don’t mean it like it sounds, you know he has had very serious relationships with people and that he was no stranger to intimacy, but still. How would you measure up to the women he had been with? Why did Sam have to say that? You knew he meant well but you were also incredibly nervous all of the sudden. Harry had been your best friend that you were in love with for years now, and the two of you had told the other you were in love with each other, this was still all new territory. Territory you had dreamt of for years of getting into with him. This was a big deal.

Trying to push Sam’s text out of your mind, you focused on what exactly to bring to Harry’s house. Lounge clothes a plenty, some stray pajama shorts, (knowing you would more than likely sleep in one of his shirts every night) plenty of cute (and sexy) underwear just in case Sam was right. You even packed a few fancier outfit options, just in case you and Harry decided to have an impromptu date night at home. Toiletries packed, laptop and your necessary chargers gathered together, you stopped what you were doing to look at yourself in the mirror. You have been waiting for this moment for a long time. He was your dream, in more ways than one, and he was here. He was here with you physically, emotionally, and the weight of that kind of hit you in a way that made you tear up. Quickly shaking those tears off you laughed and ran your fingers through your hair.

At the same time you were zipping up your bags, you heard Harry’s footsteps carrying himself into your bedroom. He snaked his warm, strong arms around your waist and nuzzled his face into your neck.

“Almost done?” He started to pepper kisses down your neck and you felt like you were lightheaded all of the sudden.

Turning around in his arms you rested your forehead against his.

“Yeah, I’m done. Let’s go home, H.”

You didn’t miss the way his ears perked up and the smile that overtook his face once you called his house home.

“K, darlin. Let me get your bags for yeh,” He kissed your forehead and lingered for a moment before he grabbed your bags and headed back in the main part of your apartment.

Making sure everything was locked and out away the two of you made the way out of your place. Harry reached for your hand and led you to his car, helping you in first and putting your bags in the trunk. You watched him from the rear view mirror and noticed him smiling from ear to ear and shaking his head. You started beaming before he got into the car and once he shut his door he slid in his seat and looked at you like you hung the moon. He let out a dreamy sigh before reaching over and chucking his fingers under your chin to bring you into the sweetest kiss. His lips softly sucked your bottom lip before slanted his mouth over yours again. You were in the car for only a few minutes and you again, you were already so pliant and cushiony for him. He hummed into it and you did the same, like a couple of lovesick teenagers alone for the first time.

His fingers traced over your cheek and he beamed at you through swollen lips. Your gaze flittered all over his face and you bit your lip before giggling softly at him.

Harry looked like he was making no move to actually start the car and leave. He just sat there gazing at you with his dimple denting his cheek. When he just kept staring at you dreamily you laughed and kept one hand cradling his face and the other resting on his thigh.

“C’mon H let’s go, can’t hold me or take off my pants if we sit here all night,”

His gaze zeroed in on you and when you laughed to break the tension Harry cleared his throat and dropped his gaze to your mouth. You ran your hand through his curls and he leaned into your touch and his eyes almost shut. You leaned in and kissed him again, pulling his bottom lip back with you. He leaned forward when you finally pulled back and you were grinning nervously at him.

Laughing you repeated to him, “C’mon Harry let’s go, take me home.”

Harry groaned when he backed up out of your space, already craving your warm, flowery and comforting scent to invade his senses again. You were so soft and pliant in front of him already, looking at him so doe eyed and innocent, he couldn't wait to get you home alone, just the two of you, with the door dead bolted.

“Okay okay m’going, let’s go home love,” He looked over and smiled at you, and finally started the car and put it in drive.

Harry kept his eyes on you the whole drive to his house, it wasn’t very far from your apartment but also far away enough to make you feel like you were secluded from the rest of the world. He held your hand the whole way home, tightly grasped within his and he peppered kisses into your skin repeatedly. You admired the way his jaw moved as he drove, the way his curls framed his face so perfectly. You ran your free hand through his hair and he groaned once you started scratching his scalp. You softly talked to each other the whole way to his house, and as you pulled into his driveway you suddenly got so nervous. The two of you being at his house together, alone was nothing new, but the two of you being together at his house alone after you had decided to become a couple, was brand freaking new, and the nerves of that hit you as soon as you pulled into the drive.

As soon as he put the car in park, he ran over to your side to open the door for you, something he did while the two of you were just friends. He very theatrically opened your door and reached for your hand to practically pull you out of the car. Once the two of you were inside the house and he unloaded all of your bags he reached for your waist to pull you into him.

You laughed and fell into his frame and his hands cradled your face, and he smiled before slanting his lips over yours. Some of your nervous energy melted away, and when you sighed into it he took the opportunity to slip his tongue past your lips and into your mouth. This kiss wasn’t as sweet and innocent like all the other ones you two have shared, this kiss had a purpose. He wanted to kiss, and to be kissed back. He slowly backed you into his kitchen from the doorway until you were resting against the bar of his breakfast nook. His hands shifted from your face and slid down your back and once you felt them near your butt you squealed and broke the kiss.

Harry’s eyes flew open and you started laughing, uncontrollably so and you buried your face in his chest. When you groaned he laughed and started carding his hand through your hair, rubbing small circles over the expanse of your back.

“Erm, something wrong, love?” He snickered through his confusion and kissed your forehead in hopes to coax you off of his chest and look him in the eyes.

You lifted your face from his chest and your face was red hot, cheeks burning and you finally willed yourself to stop giggling. “No-no no nothing’s wrong it’s just,” you looked up at him softly panting, his swollen lips red and bitten from your own doing. His eyes softened when you stuttered and you groaned again. “It’s just um, you just, you, uh-” you groaned again and buried your face back into his shoulder. When he looked at you again, his gaze was even more confused than before. He nudged his forehead against yours and goaded you into telling him what was wrong.

“You just, it’s just you just you just touched my ass,” you covered your face with your hands and started giggling nervously again. Harry let out a small laugh and you could only imagine the confused smirk he was wearing.

This was Harry, your best friend turned rockstar crush that you pined over for years, finally turned boyfriend. This was all brand new, undiscovered territory. You were flustered and overwhelmed to say the least. You wanted everything with Harry, obviously but this was your best friend feeling you up, the man you have fantasized about and pined over for literal years had his hands on you, that fact just seemed so unbelievable it literally had you in disbelief. Hence the freaking out and nervous uncontrollable laughter. You suddenly felt like you had never been in front of a member of the opposite sex before and the thought of having THIS man’s hands on your hips? You were surprised you weren’t passed out on the floor beneath him. Any sort of physical touch from Harry when the two of you were friends had you about to fall over, and the fact that you could now touch him and hold him and kiss his glorious skin had you shuddering in disbelief. You were incredibly embarrassed by your outburst, hiding your face in his chest and panting.

“Is tha’ not okay?” His eyes flitted around your face, afraid he had gone too far already.

You heard him scoff and you were terrified he had gotten the wrong impression entirely. You lifted your head from it’s resting place on his chest and kissed up his neck to his cheek and blurted, “No no no it’s not funny H I swear it’s just-” he raised his brows at you in question. “It’s not funny, it's just this is all new, brand new actually and it’s just- I just, it’s new, that’s all.” You smiled at him with your bottom lip in between your teeth after you were done rambling. Understanding lit in his eyes, and he laughed with you this time.

He pecked your lips again and ran his hands over your hips and up your back, and he leaned his forehead against yours. You lifted your gaze to meet his and you let your head fall back against your neck, and he groaned at the sight of your hair elongating your neck.

When he finally spoke his voice was raspy and he softly murmured to you, “S’pose it is all new, huh? Guess we should talk about some things first, if tha’s what you want.”

You bit your lip again and with wide eyes you slowly nodded yes and slid your arms around his shoulders, carding your fingers through his hair, softly scratching his scalp. He was melting under your touch and his eyes fluttered shut before he groaned again. When you softly giggled he opened his eyes and whined. “Christ, gotta stop looking at me like tha,’” you giggled again and scratched his lower back. He buried his face into your neck and growled playfully into your skin.

“C’mon love, s’go get your stuff squared away an’ then we can have a talk,”

Your stuff was squared away and you were giddy at the thought of your clothes mixed in with his in his chest of drawers and your toothbrush next to his. You normally stayed in his guest room when you were just friends, and most of the time Harry ended up in bed cuddled beside you when you woke up in the morning. The thought of getting to sleep in his bed, with him, under the same roof made your chest ache and butterflies swarm in your stomach. You knew he would tease you if he heard you say it but you had always loved his bedroom. It was calm and serene, muted in color but not dark, old vintage posters on one of the walls and dark curtains covering the windows that led out to his balcony. You hated how teary eyed you were when you put the last of your stuff away, and Harry pretended not to notice, instead he was just waiting for you in the doorway, silenting watching. When you turned around to face him he reached his hand out for you, smirking at you. You took his hand and rolled your eyes and let him pull you into him.

“Shut up,” you scoffed as you tried to walk past him before he grabbed you.

“M’not sayin’ anything love,”

“Yeah, yeah whatever,”

He snickered into your neck and you didn’t need to see his face to know his dimples were popping. His arms tightened around you and you sighed at how easy it was to fall into him.

“Wanker.”

You followed behind him walking downstairs back into the living room, and he waited for you at the bottom of the stairs.

“Go have a seat love, I’ll put the kettle on an’ be there in a second,” He sent you a shy smile and his eyes were doing the sparkly eye thing that they so often do when he looks at you. You nodded your head and watched him disappear into the kitchen.

You plopped down onto the l-shaped couch in the living room, curling up on one side of it and plopping a pillow onto your lap. Sitting there in the same living room that had previously been the sight of your massive meltdown only a few weeks prior, you couldn't help but remember how heartbroken and alone you felt on that night. How badly you wanted Harry, how angry and pissed off you were at him, but mainly how much all that you wanted was to be with him. Now only a few weeks later, the two of you were a unit, an item, in love. Again, what kind of yearning covered day dream was this? You looked down at the couch you were perched on, running your fingertips over the fabric you giggled at the memory of you weeping like a mad woman and causing a scene. The things you have to do to get his attention, right?! Kidding, but seriously.

You turned your head towards the kitchen to get a glimpse of him, that curly headed, lanky legged, dreamboat of a man making you tea, you couldn’t help but tear up a little bit. How long had you waited for this? How long had you dreamed of having moments like this with him? How long had you waited to share a bed with him, to see your clothes hung up in his closet, to see your toothbrush next to his, to be able to feel his fingertips against your own, his lips against yours? You wanted to take in every moment, every minute detail of being here with him. You wanted to save every memory and so you could replay them over and over again when he was gone and away from you when he was on the road again. He makes people feel everything so deeply, and you were not immune to that. In fact you were the least immune person to that.

After what felt like an eternity of tea making Harry pottered his way into the den, your favorite mug of his that was designated for your use when you were at his house in one hand, and a mug with a gold H in his other hand. “Alrighty then angel, here we are,” He was beaming at you as he sat the mugs down on the coffee table. You shifted your pose and nervously smiled up at him. Suddenly there were no words left in your brain. Damn him and the sparkly eye thing.

He plopped down on the couch on the opposite side of you, and patted the spot next to him.

“C’mere love, want you closer if we’re gonna talk,”

When you scooted closer to him he patted his lap. “Mm gonna need you a bit closer love,” He winked at you and you giggled softly before crawling on his lap. Now eye level with him you put your arm around his shoulders and ran your hand through his hair. Your gaze flitted around his face before you looked in his eyes and smiled, beamed at him.

“Hi mister,” you nervously giggled and you felt your stomach start to do backflips again.

He laughed softly, tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and he sighed when your eyes fluttered at the small gesture.

“Hi sweets,” He ran his fingers over your back before he rested his hands on your hips.

When you didn’t say anything in response he laughed again and you sighed, tears welling up in your eyes and you leaned forward to kiss him. His lips were soft but firm against yours, and you loved that every kiss of his had a purpose. This was the slow, sipping one, meant to calm you down and lull you back to him. You were entranced by his lips and the two of you looked like a couple of teenagers necking on the couch of their empty parents house. You had to physically break the kiss by gripping his shoulders and pulling away. The both of you were panting and his lips were red and swollen from your biting and nibbling and he looked so besotted with you. He let out a whine and tried to catch your lips back and you laughed trying to get your breathing back to normal.

“We’re supposed to be talking but this face of yours is so distracting,” you whined and let your head fall onto his shoulder.

“Tha’ the only thing that’s distractin’ love?” you could hear the smirk in his voice and when you lifted your head off his shoulder his lips met your neck and he peppered kisses up your neck, his slight stubble pulling and tugging against your sensitive skin as he made his way up.

“H, we need to- we need to oh,” your voice was caught in a throat and you let out the softest breathy moan and he pulled you closer in response. HIs arms squeezed around you even tighter and your hands fisted in the neck of his jumper and his lips found yours again.

This kiss, oh this kiss was brand new. It was hard and unrelenting and then it slowed and the two of you moved poetically against each other. The two of you had always been in sync, able to anticipate the other’s move before they even make it, and now there was no difference. The two of couldn't possibly be closer and when you pulled back and brought his bottom lip with you he let out a growl that had your stomach flipping. When his hands gripped your hips tighter to bring you back to him you giggled and kissed the corner of his mouth and across his jaw.

“Love if we’re gonna talk yeh gotta quit doing tha’,” he groaned again and you couldn't help but feel an enormous sense of pride knowing that you were the one who made him feel so good he was practically growling at you.

You bit your lip and smiled at him, but when he was staring back at you, soft eyes blinking at you and that same reassuring smile he seemingly always had when he was looking at you, your smile dropped and you were suddenly so nervous all over again. You wanted to talk and get some things out in the open before you went too far too fast, this wasn’t just some guy, this was Harry. Your favorite person in the whole world, your quite literal dream man and even though you knew that you know him, like you really know him but at the same time he was Harry freaking Styles and he looks like that and you could feel him getting rock hard beneath you and you were suddenly terrified that this would happen and it would all be over. Again, not likely, (hello stack of love letters the size of your head) but the fear was still there, staring you back in the face. You were all in your head and getting teary eyed AGAIN and when your breath hitched Harry’s eyes softened again and he shifted underneath you. When your eyes were even more glossed over and tears were threatening to spill out of the corners of your eyes he felt you start to shake and pulled you closer.

“Oh love, you’re alrigh’ it’s okay, tell me what’s goin’ on in that head of yours?” he rubbed his hands up and down your arms and you lifted your head from your hands to look at him through bleary eyes. “Look at me please, love let me see those eyes o’ yours,”

When you finally wiped your eyes and took a deep breath you sighed and simply stated, “I’m scared,”

“Of wha’? Of me?”

“No- no not of you H, but a little I guess of just everything,” he was still holding you, his hands still rubbing soothing circles over your arms.

He fought for you to keep his gaze on him and he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Love, we don’t have to do anythin’ you don’t want to, m’mot gonna force yeh, yeh know that.”

“I know that, I do H but this is just- it’s a big deal. You and me, here together. I love you and it just has felt like I’ve been dreaming the past few weeks. I can’t believe that you’re here and you’re in front of me and I get to hold you and kiss you and I finally have you, and I just want to know that you’re here with me, that you’re in this for real. I’m afraid that this is all going to disappear in the morning. I want you, more than words can say, and I can’t be without you now, now that I know what it’s like to have you.” You had managed to even your breathing out and your voice had actually gotten stronger the longer you talked. You were pretty good at delivering these inner monologues by now, you thought. Harry just sat there, once again, annoyingly unreadable and calm, just like he was that night in your kitchen just a few weeks ago.

When you saw the corner of his mouth start to raise and he started laughing softly you gave him a very confused glare and he settled his laughter and pulled you to him to kiss your forehead. When he finally spoke up his voice was soft, but calm all the same.

“You are the cutest thing I have ever seen right now, angel,”

When you scoffed and moved to get off of his lap his arms held you tight and he pressed you to him once more.

“M’not laughing at you I promise. It’s just funny to me tha’ you think I don’t feel the exact same way about you. I don’t even know how m’hiding the fact that my hands are shakin’ right now. This is just as big a deal as it is to you, to me, love. I promise you that. I never thought I’d be able to hold you like this, or have the chance to make you feel as good as you make me feel, without even touchin’ me. I’d be okay just to look at you from across the same room. This is not a one night thing for me, love. Never will be. I could never walk away from you now that I know what its like to kiss yeh and feel your hand on top of mine. Not when yeh look at me the way that you do. Now that I know what it’s like to be loved by yeh. Really loved by yeh.”

Harry was smiling so softly at you and he had his tilted trying to see if you were still in there and hadn’t gone unconscious from him again confirming that yes, he did love you too.

When you still didn’t say anything he started again. “I love you, angel. I’ll say it however many times y’want me to and in as many languages as yeh want. It’s you and me, yeah?”

Your response was leaning forward and kissing him, hard and you both melted into it.

The next few hours consisted of breathy moans and I love you’s mixed in between harsh breaths and his hands on your hips and your mouth and just about everywhere else. Over and over again he made sparks shoot up your spine and your toes curl and your heart ache over how attentive and gentle, but rough and passionate he was to your body. When you finally separated both of your voices were spent and he pulled you into him and more I Love You’s were exchanged mixed with happy, overwhelming tears and shakes of his head in disbelief.

The next morning as you sat in his kitchen donned in his one of his t-shirts and you watched him whistle why he busied around the kitchen making you breakfast. You sat there, teary eyed, sleep lines still on your face you had never felt more lucky than you did right in that particular moment Harry was singing his own rendition of “You Make My Dreams Come True”, and as cheesy as it sounds, he had no idea how true that was. He made you a cup of coffee and was sliding by every few minutes to steal a strawberry flavored kiss because he just couldn’t help it. Your rare moment of bravery and complete and accidental inner monologue delivery you had spewed out just a few weeks ago, got you here. With this man. You decided to jot something down in your memory.

Reminder: Sometimes you have to just say how you feel. No matter how scared you are, no matter how genuinely terrified you are of the repercussions, you just have to say it. Say it again and again until they hear you. Being vulnerable is scary, I won’t lie to you, but it is also one of the best parts about being alive. We have the ability to make people laugh, and smile, and we have the ability to make them feel our love. That is not a small feat. It is a privilege. Let the people you love, know that you love them. The rest of it doesn’t matter.

#our dreamy babies #GOING AWAY NOW AJKSDKDHUSI

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