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#but it was important to me to acknowledge and to give my opinion so that's what I did
seiya-starsniper · 7 months
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#if I've made anyone uncomfortable with the things I've been posting the last few days that was in fact the point and fully intended#and I don't say that to be cruel but simply to drive home the point that fandom spaces can be both safe and hostile at the same time#it is a deeply uncomfortable thing to acknowledge and I know most people do no want to deal with that and I understand that truly#but it was important to me to acknowledge and to give my opinion so that's what I did#At the same time none of this changes my opinion on my ship or the fact that I love a certain character other people find problematic#and I am fine with people finding that problematic because I am human being I am problematic by default#and I am confident enough in myself as a person to know when to acknowledge when I've contributed to problematic behavior#and realize the world doesn't end when this happens#my opinion of the fandom I've made my home in hasn't changed either#I had these views before and now they're out there in the open messy wording and all#and if you've decided that changes your opinion of me for the worse that's fine you can unfollow block etc#I understand that even in my attempt to acknowledge hurt within my fandom I've probably hurt other people and I have made my peace with it#but for everyone else that's shown me support both on tumblr and in private#for everyone that's listened to me vent about this subject over DMs and validated my hurt feelings#instead of trying to press your own discomforts onto me to carry in addition to my own#thank you#I've carved a permanent space in my heart for you and I truly mean that#I waded into this mess fully expecting to be ignored at best and to lose connections at worst and I was fully okay with it#but the love I've gotten and the deep honest and vulnerable conversations I've had over the last few days has truly been astounding to me#this last part is taking me AGES to write#because I'm actually crying thinking about all the good that's come out of this#and I acknowledge that's not a universal opinion and that's fine I'm really only speaking to my personal experience with what's happened#which despite outward appearances has been incredibly cathartic and uplifting for me#and I don't need everyone in the fandom to share my views or validate me or tell me I'm right people are allowed to disagree#I also don't need to have a deep personal and honest connection with everyone in the fandom where I can share my deepest vulnerabilities#but the fact that I could have that connection with some of you? that's enough for me. it's everything to me.
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trainingdummyrabbit · 8 months
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see the thing that i like so much about ruina so far is that it doesnt feel like its telling you to do something. like, specifically, it presents characters in situations, and reveals how they handle it. and afterwards... its just over. theyve simply done what they had to. theres never really any "ah, they were Flawed because they did This, so instead of doing That you should take This lesson from it." characters just... Are, and Do. theres no heavy urge to chamge the way you think, for lack of a better description. rather, it places down concepts and leaves it there, giving space for Thought rather than Explanation.
even with cut ins of angela and roland doing their own commentary-- it's never really presented as a You Should Take This Concept From This, but rather as... them Also figuring it out. because Everyone in the cast is just... odd, messy, flawed-- human. you can take away the same thing they do, or not. because everyone just does what they think is right, and deal with the consequences of it. it doesnt matter. things just move on. theres something refreshing about it.
#piktalk#verrry tagramble but um#like um. grain of salt because i havent Finished and havent had time to gather actual thoughts abt it so i may just be wrong--#but again. ruina with the steel chair.#not 2 get personal again but that has just kind of been on my mind a lot recently--#how often it is that other opinions simply... rub off on you. how theres just what youre Supposed to do or think.#that theres just one True way of thinking that everyone should strive for. when thats just... not how that really goes.#that theres a Right way to think and a Wrong one. when really its just kinda... choices. made to the best of ones ability in the moment.#it doesnt Have to be Good or Right. life goes on anyway. and somehow that can be just as scary as some sort of percieved 'wrong'.#and additionally-- how easy it is to Say you should act or think a certain way-- when truly understanding; believing; following it--#--is an entirely different story. its easy to tell yourself to just not worry; to have patience and kindness; to just keep your head high.#but actually enacting it takes effort. and not just that; but that those dour emotions that come with that inability--#--are just as important to acknowledge and give their space.#idk. i could be bullshitting. ig what it comes down to is#its nice to watch characters just... Make Decisions and Deal With Them. and thats it. no grand sweeping statements of Certainty. it just Is#ruina is very much one of those series i feel unqualified to speak for; as if others just Get It more than me; but... i speak anyhow !
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tempesthreads · 1 year
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I'm so tired and need to work but I just want to say how...relieving the process has been for me this few weeks or so of letting go of toxic people, making new friends, and reaching out and reconnecting with old friends. After being in a particularly shitty 'friendship' (it honestly felt more parasitical than anything sometimes), it was so weird to meet people who respect my boundaries and listened to what I had to say, rather than just use me to satisfy their own wants or needs. I'm still working on making sure I set and keep those boundaries up, but yeah. I'm glad I'm making progress.
#tempest talks#Mutuals i love you so much.#You know who you are. I love you so so so much. Thank you for bearing with me.#very long vent in tags:#I gave this toxic person a second chance because technically I had a friendship breakup with them once before.#But ultimately realized how unhappy I was talking to them#And how fundamentally different our ideologies were.#It's not to say people with different opinions can't be friends with each other.#But this person checked off so many of my personal 'red flags' and I just ignored them#because I felt bad about breaking up a relationship they seemed happy in#but spoiler alert: I was not happy in that relationship at all and it almost definitely wasn't healthy.#Ending that relationship was probably the best thing I could've done for myself.#And I'm so so so proud of myself for actually standing up for myself for once and getting myself out of a situation that made me unhappy.#Like this person is blocked from my blogs but if they're somehow reading this:#No I don't have regrets about ending our relationship. You have a lot of stuff you need to work through#and you really need to ask yourself how you view 'friends' and how you treat them.#Because from the perspective of one of your ex-friends: you are self-centered and do not give a flying fuck about your 'friends"#Correction: You do give a few fucks. But you're still self-centered and fail to listen to them when they set boundaries.#And you expect them to comfort you in a crisis when you offer the bare minimum back when they need help.#You also display a very concerning amount of ignorance when it comes to current events and history that is very important to acknowledge.#And yet for some reason you think you know better about the politics and injustices in my country than *me* a person living there?#All because you asked your parent? Who is also not from my country or living here???#You have a lot of privilege due to the way you were born. And you don't acknowledge it.#Anyway please stay off my blog thanks.#Yes this is loaded with salt#but I wish you the best with whatever you're up to now.#and I hope you learn and grow to be a better friend and human being in general.
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katakaluptastrophy · 3 months
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I want to continue pushing my 'Magnus Quinn wasn't actually a terrible swordfighter' agenda.
Obviously, he wasn't on the same level as professional duelists Babs or Pro, or soldiers Marta or Jean. He was a guy who did some kind of fencing in high school and then picked it up again in his 30s, presumably with some degree of seriousness.
When Gideon joins the other cavaliers in the training room, Magnus and Jean are sparring. He jokes about how badly Jean is beating him, but he must have some degree of competence for aspiring soldier Jean to find him worth training with. Babs then mocks him for getting beaten by a teenager and Magnus jokes, describes himself as "absolutely no good", and praises Jean's abilities...before giving Babs such a death glare he gets obviously embarrassed.
It's worth bearing in mind that there's some degree of tension between the Third and the Fifth. Babs will have know Magnus since he was small and has almost certainly seen him fight before. But the Fifth, their relationship, and the relative freedom that Magnus has to not be a perfect fighter (because his necromancer values him as a human being) is clearly something that rankles the Third. In TUG, when Ianthe talks about Babs, she explicitly references Abigail and Magnus. And what's interesting is that she makes a comparison not just between Abigail's husband-with-a-sword and her perfect tool to be moulded and used, but also to Corona's aspirations to swordcraft:
IANTHE (Playing a card) She’s not here, so let me be fully honest, Sextus: my sister is not a swordswoman. She loves to wear big boots and wave a sword around, and she looks wonderful doing it, but her actual competence … well, put it this way: she’d lose to Magnus Quinn.
PALAMEDES Magnus Quinn was a cavalier primary.
IANTHE No, I mean Magnus Quinn now.
There's...a lot...to unpack here: the comparison of Corona to the husband-cavalier is intriguing in and of itself on a psychosexual level, as is the contradiction between Ianthe and Corona's own versions of Corona's competence. But Palamedes' response is also interesting, suggesting that Magnus was up to an acceptable standard for a cavalier, which Ianthe's joking response seems to back up.
So Babs' rudeness towards Magnus and Jean may have a lot to do with the internal dynamics of his own necromancer-cavalier relationship and not necessarily be an accurate reflection of Magnus' abilities.
Likewise, Judith's comment in the Cohort Intelligence Files that the Fifth is 'undoubtedly chagrined" to have "schoolboy fighter" Magnus representing them had to be read against the fact that we know from the Sermon on Necromancers and Cavaliers by Second House stooge M. Bias that the Cohort has a very low opinion of unranked "social cavaliers". And Judith Deuteros may have her own reasons for being disdainful of a cavalier who is so...cavalier...about his intimate relationship with his adept.
Magnus' own self-deprecating comment on his ability is:
"I didn’t get to be cavalier primary due to being the best with a rapier. I’m cavalier primary only because my adept is also my wife. I suppose you could say that I—ha, ha—cavalier primarried!”
But again, there's a difference between becoming cavalier primary because you're the best sword fighter and getting up to a vaguely competent level once you've become cavalier primary (guys in their 30s with high powered jobs tend to be scarily into their hobbies...) He is definitely the worst cavalier there (or would be, if Pro were actually alive), but on a general standard he probably isn't as terrible as people like to joke.
Another important bit of context here is that all of his comments about his own ability occur in the context of Corona trying to get him to fight Gideon. The shy, silent 18 year old from the cult planet whose practice of cavaliership is generally acknowledged to mostly consist of carrying buckets of bones.
She gets paired with Magnus because they assume she's not going to be much of a fighter and Magnus - neither a professional duelist nor a soldier - would therefore be the fairest opponent. Magnus is clearly uncomfortable. And Gideon is certainly Intimidating. But when you consider that most of his previous interactions with her have been trying to coax her out of her shell and clearly feeling rather sorry for her, his comments take on a bit of a different tone.
Does Magnus worry Corona has dragged along this poor kid out of interest or curiosity, and that she's going to be humiliated and never want to interact with them again? As Corona says “Come—Gideon the Ninth, right?—why don’t you try Sir Magnus instead? Don’t believe him when he says he’s rubbish. The Fifth House is meant to turn out very fine cavaliers," Magnus is politely dissembling, telling exactly the sort of jokes that would appeal to a teenager.
As everyone else mocks or is intrigued by Gideon's knuckle-knives, Magnus is trying to look her in the eye through her sunglasses, bewildered that she doesn't know to take off her robes or glasses to fight and then...suddenly realising that she is dead serious and perhaps he has dramatically underestimated her.
After his defeat, we hear him saying to Jean "I'm not quite that out of form, am I?". Gideon's abilities were totally unexpected: she severely tests a top duelist like Babs, and Magnus is surprised to be beaten in three moves. That suggests he's been holding his own rather more comprehensively in previous sparring.
And while he certainly wasn't up to Gideon's standard, he may have managed to draw his sword before Cytherea took him out...
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edenfenixblogs · 5 months
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Thank Your Jewish Friends Trying to Educate You Right Now
If you’re a leftist, and you have had a Jewish friend reach out to you to try and tell you that you’ve said something alarming or harmful or antisemitic: listen to them, learn, and say thank you.
I am VERY lucky in that all the friends I’ve personally reached out to have taken the opportunity to learn and grow and adjust their behavior. I have never told them that they should not advocate for Palestine. I have told them I want to advocate for Palestine WITH them, but I need to feel safe in order to do so. I need to feel like the people I’m advocating with don’t want me and my loved ones dead. Thank HaShem that they have listened to me. From the bottom of my heart, my friends are a blessing.
But I’ve seen an incredibly disheartening number of fellow Jews who have had the opposite experiences—being expelled from their queer communities and activist communities and book clubs and any space they once found community. This is horrid but it’s especially horrid for Jews. It’s a reminder that we are only accepted if we conform. We are only accepted if we accept abuse. Our presence is always tolerated, never wanted. Our views are not to be trusted. Our opinions are always suspect. Our motives are always sinister. Our acceptance is always conditional. And I think that hurts even more for us than you’d imagine, because our own spaces are no longer safe. We are already in diaspora. And now our synagogues and homes and other community buildings are being vandalized and attack. We are cut off from our own cultural community and now many of us are being cut off from our personal communities as well. It is a loneliness that most people outside of a diaspora will never know.
Im willing to bet that if you have/had a Jewish friend who you considered close but who seems to have disappeared from your life, it’s because you either didn’t reach out to them after 10/7 or you have failed to acknowledge the stochastic threat to Jews or the Jewish connection to Israel. Why is it important that you do this? Because we are your friends and loved ones. And when friends and loved ones tell you they are hurting, you should listen. When you say you care about someone, you should be willing to listen to them when they say you’re hurting them and then you should apologize. It is more hurtful than you can possibly imagine to watch people you thought cared about you decide to listen to people across the world who they have never met rather than simply have a conversation with a friend, because they assume that friend will dismiss the pain of Palestinians.
Many of you are assuming what your friends are feeling about Israel and Palestine, but you haven’t actually asked them. Many of you think that expressing sorrow for Israel or jews in the world, that means we cannot care about or want a better future for Palestine.
If you are lucky enough to have a friend who has tried to reach out to you, that means they are willing to forgive you for neglecting them in this time. They are willing to talk with you and try to explain their emotions in good faith. They want to find a way to advocate for progress with you. They want to keep you in their lives. They want you to understand our culture and history—not at the exclusion of anyone else’s culture and history—just at the inclusion of our own.
Because here’s the other thing: they won’t forget that you denied them understanding and respect and the benefit of the doubt. That’s not a threat. That’s a cultural feature of Judaism. We have famously long cultural memories. We remember the people and places we can trust and those who refused to give us peace and safety and basic kindness. We remember the people who targeted us, your friends and loved ones, simply because other Jews who we have never met behaved in ways you don’t understand and of which you don’t approve. You are blaming the sins of others on people you claim to love.
If someone is giving you the chance to undo the damage you have done on this, you should take it. And if you have expelled Jews from a space you once shared or failed to acknowledge their pain in this time—find them and apologize.
I am not Muslim, but I wouldn’t doubt that something similar is happening in Muslim spaces. Islamophobia and antisemitism are at terrifyingly high levels right now. And if you think you can’t support Jews without condemning Muslims or you can’t support Muslims without condemning Jews, you’re not only part of the problem—you’re the biggest part of the problem.
What we all need right now is unity, peace, solidarity, understanding, and education above all else.
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artists-ally · 5 months
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{She Gets The Flowers, Right?} Lucien x Reader
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You all can go and blame @thelov3lybookworm for the swarm of Lucien content y'all are gonna get from me. This is probably one of the saddest things I've ever written and it took me wwaayy back to a very shitty relationship I was in so if it seem extra personal it is 💀 Enjoy, title from this song!
Word Count: 3,108
Warnings: ANGST (just for you @bubybubsters) mentions of murder (in relation to Jesminda)
Summary: Lucine has been so focused on trying to win over Elain that he's never once stopped to consider that you're the one who's always been there for him.
~~~~~
The door slammed. A breath sighed from the entryway. I went stiff. 
“I don’t understand,” Lucien shouted. I could hear him kicking off his boots, hanging his jacket up on the rack by the door. “I thought we were finally making some progress and then nothing. Absolutely nothing today.”
I remained silent, swiping off the stuck scallions on my knife. “Sorry.”
“I mean, I get that she needs time to adjust, but Cauldron, Yn. It’s been nearly a year since the war ended. I’ve been patient, more than patient, and it’s like I’ve never made an effort.”
“Told you it was a bad idea.”
“What is it about me that she cannot stand? What does Azriel offer her that I don’t? He walks in the room and she lights up. What do I have to do to get her to look at me like that?” I just shrugged, moving to the sink to wash some sprouts and potatoes. Lucien was caught in this never ending cycle of trying to win over Elain. For the past year, almost year and a half, he has been torturing himself with something that obviously won’t be. 
“Do you think she’d enjoy it if I took her to the Summer Court? Maybe she’d enjoy a trip to Dawn?” Lucien sat at my kitchen table, tapping his heel on my hardwood floor with his arms crossed over his chest. “We did actually talk for a while today. She ended up telling me her plans for her fall garden.”
“Sounds nice.”
“But I just wish she would open up a little more. Every time we talk it’s like I have to pry it out of her.” “Mhmm.”
“It makes me so nervous when she closes up like this. I can’t imagine what is going through her head. She won’t tell me. She won’t tell anyone, which is concerning. I just wish she would at least tell someone about what is going on. I’d even be okay if she told Azriel.”
“Yeah.”
“If only she would just reach out. Even an inch, just tug on the bond and acknowledge that it’s there. It wouldn’t bother me as much if she would just give us a chance.”
Lucien continued to blabber again, droning on and on about how Elain won’t do this or talk about that. I tuned him out, biting back the sting of jealousy in my throat. That familiar prickle in my nose forced me to grip the spoon harder. 
He never listened to me anymore. He’d come and ask me for advice, to see what my opinion was on what he should do, and then blatantly do the opposite. But every time he came back, I’d give him more. Just like he was stuck in a loop with Elain, I was just as guilty of the same with him. 
I was the one who had found him on the border after his Jesminda was murdered. I had been there to help him get settled, to get revenge on his brothers who forced him to watch. For decades I have been doing the same thing he has for Elain. 
The only difference is I know how to take a hint. Luciene doesn’t. 
“... and then when I asked if she would join me for a walk, she refused. I mean, she knows how important it is to get outside every now and then. She had said she wanted to garden and plant new seedlings for the upcoming winter but… I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Yeah I bet that’s tough.”
“Tough?” So he did know how to acknowledge the things I said. “It’s excruciating. You have no idea. Have you been listening to anything I’ve been saying?”
It took all the strength inside me to not hurl this knife at his head. “What’s the point anymore?”
“What?” “You don’t listen to anything I say anymore anyways, so why bother?” I snorted, shaking my head. “I could’ve announced my pregnancy right now and you would’ve been too lost in thought about her to even register.”
“You’re pregnant?” 
I slammed my knife down on the counter and whipped to face him. “No, I’m not. But if I was, I sure as hell wouldn’t tell you.”
“Why? We’re best friends, Yn. Don’t you think I’d wanna know if you were-”
“That is not the point of the conversation, Lucien,” I snapped. He just stared at me, waiting for an elaboration. I just sighed, “Whatever. Doesn’t matter.” “Did something happen today? You’re clearly in a bad mood.” “No. Absolutely nothing happened. Only that I had the grand opening of my restaurant today and you were nowhere to be found. You were with Elain.”
Lucien went silent. I could feel the energy shift from across the room. “Cauldron boil me… Yn I am so sorry. I thought that was next week, why didn’t you remind me yesterday?”
“I did,” I said. “I reminded you yesterday before you went up to the House to be with Elain. And the day before, and the day before that.”
“I think I would’ve remembered if-”
“Would you?” The tears were coming. Fast. It was a struggle to keep them from spilling over. “Because every time I’ve said anything, you’re talking about her. It’s always fucking her.”
“Why are you talking about Elain like that? What did she do to you?”
I just stopped moving. Stopped breathing. Stopped thinking. The chill that spread through my bones should’ve been enough to kill me. I ground my teeth together hard enough to crack. “Ever since we came to this gods damned Court all you have talked about is her. It’s like I’m not even here anymore.”
“That’s not true and you know it,” Lucien stood up. 
“When was the last time you asked how I was doing? If the designs for the menus are finished? If I’ve picked out new tiles for my bathing room or if I’ve finally finished that collage I was working on? How long has it been since we’ve been out together or gone diving in the Sidra? For fucks sake Lucien it’s like I’m best friends with a ghost.”
All Lucien offered was a turn of his palms, lips parting to answer but no words came out.
“Exactly. You can’t even remember. Any time we talk it’s always about her. It’s always Elain this and Elain that. I’m fucking sick of it, Lucien. You’re constantly asking for advice on what to do with her, but have you ever stopped and thought about what you’re doing?”
“Every day it haunts me that I can’t reach her, Yn,” Lucien's brows knit together. “I come to you because I value your advice.”
“Well you can stop. I don’t have any more to give. Now, you can either change the topic or get the fuck out because I’m sick of hearing about her. Today was supposed to be my day. I don’t ever ask you for anything, and this is the one thing I wanted. And you were supposed to be there for me, your friend, your best friend. But of course, the female who won’t give you the time of day has to take priority over someone you’ve known for almost a century.” 
“Are you so selfish that you can’t be happy for me for finding a mate after so many years? Are you that jealous that I’ve decided to spend some of my time with anyone else?”
Blinding red rage coursed through me. I let everything I had been holding back for months seep through. “How dare you say that to me.”
“Yn-”
“If you interrupt me I swear to the Mother that I will break your fucking neck.” I watched him swallow his response. “If you think I am unhappy with your bond then you don’t know me at all. I want nothing more than for you to be happy, Lucien. But I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me sick to my stomach.”
“Elain is sweet. Nurturing and caring,” Lucien pointed out. "What's so bad about that?"
“Does she know anything about you?”
 “We’ve… talked about some things.”
“So does she know about your brothers?” His face paled. “Does she know about all the fights you got in with Tamlin? Does she know about Jesminda or how many years it took you to be able to hear her name and not burst into tears at the first syllable?”
“That’s not fair.”
“I think it’s perfectly fair, Lucien,” I shouted. My skin was blisteringly hot. All control was quickly crumbling. “The moment Elain came along, you forgot all about me. I am the only living being that has been there with you through everything. Through the destruction of the Spring Court, through Hybern. You begged me to come with you to Velaris, I gave up everything for you.”
“You wanted to leave, too. Don’t put all this on me,” Lucien said, waving his arms in the air. 
“I did it because of you. How dense are you, Lucien? How blind are you to not see that every decision I have made since I met you has been for your well being?”
“I never asked that of you.”
“No, you didn’t. Because you’ve never once considered that I would do it without a second thought. I care about you. I was the one you wept to every time Elain rejected you, and yet, every single time you ran right back to her. I don’t know what you see in her. I think she has made it incredibly clear that she wants nothing to do with you.”
“You don’t know that. You don’t know anything about us.” Lucien’s eyes went dark, his mouth pressed in a flat line, nostrils flared. 
I scoffed. A harsh, bitter laugh falling from my lips. “Did you seriously just say that to me? All I do is listen to you complain about her and how she doesn’t open up. About how closed off she is. For Cauldron's sake, Lucien, you had the balls to come here after opening day, after blowing me off, to talk about her. Want some advice? Take a nice long look in the mirror.”
“Why can you just not accept the fact that I might want to have a relationship with her? Why can’t you be happy for me?”
“Because what does she have that I don’t? What is it about her that you could possibly like more than me? Cauldron damn me, Lucien, we live together. I cook for you every day, we have breakfast and tea together.”
“That doesn’t mean anything,” Lucien furrows his brows together.
I could feel my heart start to splinter into however many pieces to double the amount of stars in the sky. All the love and contained affection I’ve had since I met Lucien has washed away in a moment. All those heart to hearts, all those late nights spent atop the House of Wind… all for nothing.
“You’re right,” I nodded, letting several tears run down my cheeks. “It means nothing. I have no reason to be mad at you for simply wanting to find love.”
Lucien sighed, a heavy, grueling noise. “Yn-”
“You know, everyone from back home kept saying that I was making a mistake, that I shouldn’t run off here with you. I think they’re right. This was all a mistake. I should’ve left you to rot on the side of the border.”
Color flushed his face and neck. Silence cursed us and I could only hear my occasional sniffle and the rapid beating of my heart. 
“Tell me this, Lucien. Do her eyes look better when they shine?”
“What? Yn why are you-”
“Does she look prettier when she cries? Am I just too much to handle or-or too emotionally unstable?”
“You’re not too much, Yn. You’re perfect the way you are,” he shook his head, taking my hands in his. I rip them away.
“Then gods dammit Lucien, what is it about her that you love so much more than me?” I screamed.
He is stunned and silent. His mouth opens and closes. No words are coming out. My chest feels like it’s going to cave in any second. 
“Yn… what are you talking about? Are you in love with me?” That flicker deep within my chest erupts into a thousand colors. I bite my lips to keep from crying out. “You are… aren’t you?”
I just shake my head. “I asked you a question first.”
“No, you can’t do this to me, that's not fair.”
“Who gives a fuck what is fair, Lucien? You have discarded me to the side like I was nothing. Did you forget that I was the one who sacrificed her life for you? What has Elain done for you? Nothing. She has done nothing but distract you from the important things in your life.”
“Like you?” Lucien said with an equal amount of venom in his voice. “You are so selfish.”
“You want me to admit it?” I snarled, my face inches from his. “Fine, I’m jealous. I am so jealous that you look at her like she hung the moon and at me like I mean nothing to you. There is no worse feeling in the world than seeing you happy with her, wishing and praying to every god that it was me.”
Lucien just stands still. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Yn.”
“That you love me too!” I shout, pacing around. “You’re telling me that Elain, someone who refuses to give you anything but a cold shoulder, is going to get all the love and affection I so treacherously built back into you after Jesminda? Did you ever stop and think for one moment that there could be you and I? Tell me how the fuck that makes sense.”
“Yes, you took care of me, and I will be eternally grateful for what you’ve done for me. I can’t ever repay you for giving life back to me. But I can’t… I can’t force myself to love you, Yn. I just can’t.”
My body felt like it was on fire. And not the kind of blaze I got when I looked into his eyes. It felt like the bond I had carefully hidden for years was finally unbraiding inside my soul. But when my eyes did meet his… nothing. No burst of excitement or sense of relief. 
I felt utterly nothing as I looked at the man that has been in every single moment of my life for the past sixty years. 
“Please say something,” Lucien begged. 
I couldn’t. Not with this world obliterating feeling inside my chest. I could only stare at the floor. 
“Yn… Yn please don’t let this ruin what we have.”
“It was ruined the moment you walked in that door.” My voice was meek. 
I could see Lucien shake his head, but his features became a blurry whirlwind behind my tears. “Yn I’m begging you I’ll-”
“Get out.”
“No,” Lucien's voice cracked. “No, I'm not going to leave.” He came and grabbed my shoulders, trying to make me look at him.
“Leave, right now, or I’ll get someone who will.” I'll call for Azriel. That will really make his skin blister. He instantly let go. “I want all traces of you gone by tomorrow night.”
“You can’t do this to me. To us.”
“It’s clear you’ve made your decision on where your priorities lie. I refuse to be second place to you anymore.”
“You have never been second place to me, Yn. Never. I’m sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t valued. But I can’t love you. I’m not in love with you.”
“And that is why you have to go. Take care Lucien, I hope she was worth it.”
I don’t bother to show him to the door. He knows where it is. I don’t offer him any other farewells. He doesn’t deserve my good luck. Instead I return to my pots and pans, staring painfully at them. I have no choice but to force him away.
It might just kill me, this ache in my body. It might just engulf me and swallow me into the earth, back to wherever I came from and give me another shot. Hopefully the next one I’ll actually get what I deserve. 
As I stare at the meal before me, it’s like I’m looking at a fresh batch of pure despair. It brings me nothing but painful reminders of years ago back in the Spring Court. Where it was just the two of us. There was no Night Court, there was no emissary duty, there was no Feyre or Nesta or Elain. 
Just me and my Lucien. 
And now there was just me. 
I have to do something. Distantly I hear the door click shut, it’s groan signaling Lucien’s vacancy. As hard as I can, I throw a wooden spoon towards it. It’s gratifying, but it doesn’t dull the ancient pain inside. I throw another. And another. And another. Until there are no more wooden spoons left, and they have been fated to splinters. 
I began to throw away the food I was preparing. A pot full of potato and cheese soup goes first. The lamb in the oven goes next. Then the sweet cherry pie next to it. I stash away the cups and silverware, nearly shattering them in the process.
This was supposed to be a celebration. Of all the hard work I have put into my restaurant over the last several years. It was opening night, the line was a mile long. Even Rhys and Feyre were there to congratulate me.
But not the one person I wanted most. 
This dinner. This fucking dinner. It was his favorite. Though I suppose it still is. Something I made him when he was upset. But instead of settling my stomach, it made it wretch.
I should send the recipe to Elain, but change one ingredient. Replace the chives with cilantro. He hates cilantro. I know so much about him, he knows so much about me. 
Why… just why couldn’t it have worked?
I’ll never get to see him smile again. Or cry. I’ll never get to hear his laugh. Or braid his hair when he’s sick. I’ll never get to feel his arms around me or hear the sound of him coming in the door. If I’m not gone when he gets all his stuff tomorrow, I just might ask him to stay. 
I deserve better. Someone who will look at me like I’ve hung the moon. Who will pursue me the way Lucien pursues Elain. I deserve unconditional. 
I wish I could still deserve him.
~~~~~~~~~
Part 2
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ahgasegotarmy116 · 2 months
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Do It For Him | Keep Quiet For Me | Jeon Jungkook
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Summary: You're on a family vacation but Jungkook wants you no matter the risk... Pairing: Daughter in law reader x Father in Law Jungkook (Yändere) Word Count: 2.3k~ Warnings: Explicit language, an injury and blood, smuttttt and infidelity (but it's difh so duh lmao) and barely edited but yeah that's normal for me lmao a/n: This is response to someone asking for a drabble of in regards to my answer on this ask thank you to the anon/s that were interested in this and sorry it took so long to get out 😭 I was very very burnt out on this story so I hope this'll make up for it Series Masterlist
"Do you need anything? I'm gonna run inside and go to the bathroom" I whisper to my husband while we're lounging outside with the rest of the family. "No that's okay, you go ahead" he says and I respond with a quick okay and give him a quick kiss before standing up. 
"Actually" he say, grabbing my hand to stop me from leaving just yet. I hum in acknowledgment, waiting to hear his request. "Do you think you could grab me another beer? Take your time in there though" he says giving me a sluggish smile, telling me he's fully relaxed and that I should probably follow up that beer with some water. "Sure honey" I say, grabbing both of our empty Kloud bottles and heading inside. 
Walking into the house I first go into the kitchen to throw away the bottles but on my way I grab my phone out of my pocket to check a notification that came in but before I'm even able to turn it on I feel one of the bottle slip from my grasp and fall on the floor, smashing and scattering the glass all over the floor. 
"Perfect" I groan under my breath and start crouching down to pick it all up. "Need a hand?" Jungkook asks raising his eyebrows after seeing the mess I've made. "No I'm fine I can take care of this on my own" I grumble and continue to pick up the shards while Jungkook just stands there staring at me. 
"What do you want Jungkook?" I ask after a few moments pass by and realize he's been starting at my chest this whole time. "Don't you think that bathing suit is a little...revealing?" he asks as he continues to stare, not even bothering to look me in the eye. 
"Last time I checked I didn't ask for your opinion and I'm still not asking for it now. Can you please just go back outside?" I ask and go to pick up another shard but when Jungkook tries to say something else I grab it too quickly and slice my hand.
"Shit" I say and stand up and grab a towel to prevent it from bleeding while I walk over to the bathroom to wash it. "There should be a first aid kit in there" Jungkook calls after me as he trails behind. "I know, why do you think I'm going to wash it in the bathroom instead of the kitchen?" I ask, pointing out how stupid it would be to tell me something I already am aware of. I've got accident prone kids so you would think it was important for me to find that right away. 
"Right" he mumbles to himself, trying to stem off the irritation in his voice. "What do you really want Jungkook?" I ask, since there's clearly something else he wants. 
"What I really wanna do is fuck that pretty attitude out of you but let's worry about fixing that hand up first Angel" he says, coming up behind me and placing a strong grasp on my hips as I wash the blood off. 
"Real funny Jeon now can you just leave? I can take care of this on my own" I say, clumsily trying to open the box but struggling to the point that Jungkook just opens it for me. "I said I could do it myself" I say, glaring at him even though I know I needed the help. "Sure you could" he responds with a taunting smile. 
Rolling my eyes at him I sift through the products and find an antiseptic and a bandaid big enough for the area. I go to rip the package open with my teeth but he takes it out of my hand before I'm able to. "I said I didn't want your help" I reply but hold out my hand anyways. "I know but you need it if we want to get this done before you bleed out" he says, focusing on the task at hand. 
"Don't be so dramatic I-" "Shh" "Did you ju-" "Shh" he shushes me again and I let out a big sigh but ultimately let him take care of it. 
"There, all better" he says, throwing away everything and I moved out of the way so he could use the sink to wash up. "Thank you" I mumble and he pauses for a second, "Thank you? Where's that smart mouth from earlier" he asks while drying his hands. "I was in pain and irritated alright just forget it" I say and turn to walk out. "That's the last time I'm saying thank you to you" I mumble and before I'm able to walk out of the bathroom he pull me back in. 
"What was that Angel? I didn't quiet catch that?" he asks, me now pressed up against the sink facing the mirror again with him pressing up against me. "I said that's the last time I'm saying thank you to you" I say glaring up at him in the mirror before focusing on trying to push him off. 
"Get off of me" I say, pushing my hips back against his and it then that I can feel how hard he's gotten. "That's not fair love. I took care of you and I think it's only fair if you help take care of me" he taunts rubbing his dick against my ass. "Jungkook stop everyone is outside" I plea, trying to knock some sense into him.
"Jungkook stop we can't do this" I say, slapping his hands away when they toy with the tie on my hip. "Why not angel? As long as you stay quiet no one will know" he says, pulling on the tie and sliding them down my legs, now only wearing my bikini top and a small cover I had over it which he slides down my shoulders next. 
"Let's take care of that attitude huh? Looks like someone forgot who they were talking to" he says, sliding his right hand down my stomach and his left up to hold my throat. "Jungkook please sto-" is all I manage to get out before he traces a finger through my folds, making me shudder at the contact. 
"Looks like someone was just begging to get fucked weren't they? Look" he say, showing me his finger, already soaked in my arousal. I try to look to turn my head away, hating that my body always responds to him but he grabs my jaw and turns me back to face the mirror. 
"Nuh uh, you're gonna be a good girl and watch. Watch me fuck that attitude right out of you just like I wanted to" he says, sliding his hand down from my jaw to my neck, applying just enough pressure to remind me of the control he has over me. 
"Let's see if you can cum on my fingers first huh? Think you could do that?" he asks and I don't answer, not wanting to play into his games. "Silent treatment huh? Cute" he says and applies more pressure before putting two fingers inside without warning. I choke back a moan, shocked up the stretch and the slight pain it brings. 
"If you want me to be gentle with you then you need to talk to me" he says, applying more pressure on my throat as if mocking me. Daring me to say something smart but I don't. "Let's try this again. You think you can cum on my fingers princess?" he asks and I shake my head slightly, wanting him to just fuck me and get this over with. 
"Really? Because I think you can. Let's test that theory" he says before he starts pushing his fingers in and out, dragging them along my walls while rubbing his thumb on my clit, all while holding my head up and making me watch as my face starts to contort in pleasure. "There you go princess, focus on how good it feels" he says, pumping his fingers in a bit faster and adding a third once I've stretched out enough. 
"You sure you can't cum? Because from the way you're body is talking to me looks like you're almost there" he taunts, taking note of how hard I'm squeezing his fingers and how my legs have already started shaking. I let out a choked back moan in response and I just hear a dry chuckle from behind, clearly enjoying my struggle in trying to keep quiet and he doesn't let up at all. 
"You're being stubborn aren't you? Trying to prove that I have to work harder to make you cum?" he growls in my ear as I continue to hold myself back, defying his claims and just waiting for him to fuck me and get it over with. 
"Fine since you want this cock so much then why don't you beg for it?" he says while taking out his cock and dragging them up and down my folds, making me purr at the sensation. 'Shit no I cannot give him the satisfaction of knowing that I'm enjoying this fuck!' 
"What was that?" he taunts, giving me a smug smile through the mirror which makes me look away again. He grabs my jaw roughly and brings my face back over again. "What was that princess? You like that?" he says doing it again, making my knees want to give out under me but he steadies me on my feet. 
"Something as simple as this is making you feel like that? Angel was sensitive now wasn't she? Just begging to get fucked and didn't know how to ask for it" he says and presses on my back making my cheek press up against the glass, my breath fogging up the mirror as he lines himself up, giving up on making me beg since we need to finish up fast before anyone notices. 
He pushes in without any notice leaving me biting down on my lip to muffle to sound but it only does so much. He inches inside of me giving me the smallest amount of time to adjust before he's bottomed out. 
"Look at you, such a dirty little slut letting me fuck you in here. Take you from behind while you watch us in the mirror. Is that something that turns you on Angel?" and at that my body betrays me and squeezes his cock, giving him the answer that he already knew would be true. "Fuck, you're incredible" he says, raking his eye up my form before meeting them in the mirror. 
"Keep quiet for me yeah? Wouldn't want anyone to know that you're taking my cock so well while your husband is outside now would we?" he says, trailing his hand up my back and finally untying the last two ties that are keeping my top on. "Or don't. I would love for them to hear what you sound like while you scream my name and beg for more but I don't think you want that now do you Princess?" he asks while placing a kiss on my neck. 
"N-no" I stutter out, knowing better than to not respond this time. He reaches his arm around and pulls me back up with his hand on my throat and makes me make eye contact with him through the mirror. "Then be good and cum on this cock. Can you do that?" he questions and I nod, not trusting my voice this time with the way he's rubbing up against my walls at this angle. 
He lets go of my throat and leaves me reaching out my arms to brace myself, my knuckle white from how hard I'm holding on and seconds later he pulls out, leaving just the tip inside before slamming into me, making me go on my tip toes from the force. He drills into me unapologetically while watching my face contort in pleasure through the mirror. 
I can't hold back and I end up letting out barely audible whimpers while he continues to abuse my aching cunt, already close to release. "Fuck Angel loosen up I can barely move" he grunts while I grip his dick so well, seconds from tipping over. "Cum" he growls in my ear and that's the last push I need to lose myself in the feeling, letting out a choked back sob and squirting all over him. 
"Shit" he grunts and picks up the pace of his thrusts, fucking me through my high and tipping himself over to reach his a minute later and he grabs onto my throat again, his other hand on my hip thrusting a few more times until he's spent and both of our releases are dripping out of me. 
"Fuck Princess I didn't know you could squirt" he says while roaming his hands up and down my body, touching me as much as he can before I push him off seconds later when that post nut clarity hits.
"Get out" I choke out, trying to calm myself down and bring my breathing back down to normal. "See you soon love" he says, placing a kiss on my shoulder before walking out. Not bothering to look around to see if anyone might see him leaving.  
I take a deep breath and turn on the shower, getting in and not bothering to wait for the water to heat up, letting myself deal with the chill it brings to my warm skin.
Standing with my face under the stream I try to drown out all the memories of what just happened and how I just let him do that to me. Why do I always just let him get his way? 
I can't keep doing this. I have to tell someone because this secret is suffocating me. 
If I keep it in much longer I don't know what'll become of the person I once was. 
I need to stop this, everything just needs to stop.   
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vspin · 7 months
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Astarion should have had a post-Araj conversation (that doesn’t lock in the romance) AND the unprompted confession 
You might have noticed that Patch 3 changed Astarion’s romance progression a bit. Previously, if you had entered Moonrise and had high enough approval with Astarion, he would approach the MC at a long rest and confess his manipulations and growing feelings towards the player character.  It’s such a beautiful scene and is so well acted. Now that confession is tied to after you kill Yurgir and if you haven’t talked to Araj in Moonrise. 
I actually kind of like his confession being tied to progressing his personal quest, and if you think about it an early admission in Act 2 does seem kind of quick based on his past/struggles. 
Buuut, I am disappointed that if you talk to Araj early-on you can lock in the romance then and you won’t get the unprompted confession later on, because I think that scene is much stronger from a ROMANCE and partnership perspective. 
Araj Conversation
The post-Araj conversation is an amazing moment for Astarion’s development and arc. His realization that he never stopped acting like a slave. His decision to stand up for himself and advocate for what he wants. It’s so powerful. It’s a critical moment for Astarion and his journey to be free from Cazador.
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Honestly, I think tying it to the romance really cheapens it and creates an initially one-sided dynamic for his romance.  
These are the dialogue options after he thanks you:
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The first 3 options lead to him opening up more about his feelings and this line: 
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After this, if you want to progress the romance you tell him you care for him and it leads to the hug scene/whatever option you want. 
BUT HE NEVER MENTIONS MANIPULATING YOU and that he's developed feelings. Hello Astarion!? I feel like that's kinda important to the dynamic here! With these options, poor Tav is left in the dark because it doesn’t come up again really.
Now, if you pick the last option: Why sleep with me?
You get these lines: 
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(His face lmao, smug little bastard)
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His line delivery here is interesting. He’s very matter-of-fact about it. He’s like “duh! I was using you and it was easy”. 
Depending on how you're RPing your MC this pretty rough lol. A naive and good-hearted Tav may have actually thought there was something there. 
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And these are the dialogue options to respond to it. That’s it. No pushback from Tav. They can end things, just be friends, or progress the relationship. Idk it’s just not my favorite. 
Unprompted Confession
Compare that to the unprompted confession. 
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He approaches Tav. He confesses the manipulation and what I think is super important he is THINKING about Tav’s feelings: “You deserve something real.” 
And what I love is that Tav can choose to immediately confess their feelings or push back a little here: 
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I think this is a much better dynamic between potential partners. Options 2 + 3 really give more context to his feelings and also allows Astarion to reiterate his positive feelings towards MC. 
Up until this point in the relationship, the MC has given a lot to Astarion, and Astarion hasn’t given much back beyond sex. Tav has listened to Astarion open up about Cazador, protected him from the monster hunter, helped with his scars, the mirror conversation, let him drink from them (potentially), and supported the endeavor with Raphael. 
I think this conversation is Astarion acknowledging all that and him giving something back in return by being honest with his feelings, even if there is a chance he’ll get nothing out of it. 
I think this why people love the Durge x Astarion romance so much because it offers more give and take between the two, and depending on which confession scene you get with Tav it is a very one-sided dynamic in comparison.
The second scene a MUCH better foundation for something to develop between the two in my opinion.
Final Thoughts
I think the Araj scene should happen regardless but with the romance portion omitted. Of course, I think Astarion should still break up with MC if they made him drink, force him to have sex, or give Tav an option to end it as well if this isn't something they want to involve themselves in. 
Then, I think you should get the actual confession after defeating Yurgir. I think it makes sense that after Tav has advocated for Astarion’s autonomy and helped with his scars he realizes his feelings. 
Big thanks to these Youtube channels here and here for the screenshots. My saves are a mess and I didnt want to fight with it.
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echo-and-dust · 1 month
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now that my brain has somewhat unscrambled itself i have gotten most of my thoughts in order about season 3.
and the first thing i will say is: i loved it.
while it was gutwrenching and polarizing in some ways and i feel that i am entitled to financial compensation for what its done to my mental health, i loved this season for pretty much almost everything it did.
i cannot fault people for having issues with much of the characterization and plot choices made—that’s been the trend during the entire run of the show after all, and imo it’s a testament to the phenomenal way it generates nuance—but i wanted to share my feelings on the recurring opinions i’ve seen about some of these things.
first, i do not blame simon at all for the things he said in the final scene. he’s a child who has been receiving endless verbal and physical harassment on top of all the trauma he is still trying to heal from. he just watched his boyfriend lash out in anger and hurt—while not at him, but it must’ve been a close resemblance of how he might’ve seen micke act. at least, that's what i thought, though i've seen others say otherwise.
and yes, wille is not micke, but just because wille’s source of outbursts is different from micke’s doesn’t mean simon is wrong in drawing similarities. at least he's finally getting a true glimpse into what wille has had to deal with. i've honestly grown to like that they didn't have simon immediately comfort him though; wille's mental illness is not his fault, but it is his responsibility, and instead of pushing a message of unhealthy co-dependence, the show has simon be honest: "but i see that everything hurts you and that hurts me too." and to me, that's so important.
plus, it doesn't make their love any less genuine. wille is a victim of the circumstances; he is not evil, and he is not undeserving of simon. he just has a lot of growing and healing to do, a lot of unlearning and exposure therapy because he's still blinded by privilege even when he tries not to be.
speaking of, i have so many thoughts about wille that i feel like i need to save for its own separate post, but to sum them up: i'll still defend him with my life, and he needs to get the fuck away from that institution.
also, the fact that the responsibility of controlling simon's media decisions was placed solely on wille confused me at first like—why wouldn't they get a professional to give him proper media training?
then i realized, this could be the royal court's way of sabotaging their relationship. they knew that making wille the one to tell simon what he can and cannot say or post would create distance and animosity between them. despite the ramifications of simon's behavior on social media, it seems they still thought it best to have his boyfriend be the one to try to mold him into the system. because they knew that's how they could get rid of him. in conclusion, fuck the royal court (we been knew but still).
one of the standouts this season was their transparency regarding the show's politics. it not only works well with the show's arc (wilmon is public, everything's out in the open now and there's nothing to hide), but also it felt necessary at a time where censorship has been rapidly gaining momentum. it felt so refreshing for these characters to talk so openly about racial discrimination and queerphobia and class disparities, forcing both character and viewer to acknowledge that they exist and you should feel uncomfortable about it.
i don't think i can add much more to what was already said about it—most of the fandom is more eloquent and observant than i am anyway—i just wanted to reinforce how important this season is to myself and the story even with how controversial it is to fans right now. a lot of people may disagree with me and that's fine.
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halemerry · 8 months
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hii first of all, i absolutely love your metas on GO s2! your breakdown of the last few minutes of ep6 was really insightful and i love you for your meta about aziraphale and his role as a protector - it is a very astute look into his character and motivations which not a lot of people acknowledge in their theories/speculation after s2.
more to the point of this ask: this is something i've been mulling over and is the only thing that still doesn't make sense to me in ep6. why is crowley so nonchalant, or at least not noticeably worried, about the metatron showing up to the bookshop (a space he is very protective of) and taking aziraphala away for a talk after aziraphale has already been threatened by micheal? throughout the whole season crowley has been extremely protective over aziraphale and is very much aware of the real danger he is in (re: the book of life). this is also right after crowley has returned from heaven and has learned what the metatron was willing to do to gabriel to ensure 'institutional integrity' and that much bigger plans were afoot. i find it hard to wrap my head around his calm demeanor when the metatron enters the scene and takes aziraphale away, even if it's supposedly for a harmless talk. i wonder if you have any thoughts/speculation about this?
(opps this got too long and rambling). i would love to hear your thought but ofc please don't feel pressured to answer :) love your posts about the season and i look forward to reading more from you. have a lovely day!
Hi!! Thank you so much! This ask has had me by the throat basically since you sent it. It sort of touches on some things I already wanted to write about so forgive me if this spirals a bit.
So in a lot of ways I think this is a question that can have a one word answer. But since I do wanna talk about the way the show gives us this answer I actually want to start with Nina. Specifically I want to start with the thing she tells Crowley as Aziraphale’s off with the Metatron.
“You’re the hard bitten one that can’t trust anyone ever again and Mr. Wherever He Is is the soft one that still believes in magic people being basically good and all that."
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I’ve talked a little bit about this line before in my meta about the build up to the Confession here because I think it’s important to view from the perspective of how it preps Crowley for the following conversation he’s about to have. But, aside from that, I think it's really important because it's wrong. Nina is describing herself here, not Crowley. She’s projecting her own issues onto him and Aziraphale in the way that she perceives herself relating to them. Crowley himself is actually the one that calls out her trust issues for what they are explicitly. 
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Nina doesn’t trust and she sees herself in Crowley far more than Aziraphale both in demeanor and aesthetic so she assumes he doesn’t trust either. But she has it backwards. Because Crowley isn’t hard bitten as much as someone who tries very hard to be perceived as such. And, most importantly in this specific context, Crowley actually trusts quite a bit.
And he nearly always has. Even as far as back as the Starmaker.
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Just look at the way that the Starmaker and Aziraphale both talk about interacting with God. Aziraphale is nervous, anxious and pretty much immediately clocks that what the angel that would become Crowley is saying is going to get him into trouble. But the Starmaker? Even upset about the information he’s been given, he remains confident in the fact that it can’t hurt to ask a few questions. He trusts there to be no consequence for expressing an objection. He trusts that his opinion is valued. Even if he ends up wrong here there’s no inclination at all that he thinks his words will be taken inappropriately. And even the Fall itself doesn’t burn this out of him.
We see him trust Aziraphale, the cherub who was supposed to be guarding Eden from things like him, not to smite him on sight. And trusts him enough to not only have a conversation but express his own worries about his own actions. He then approaches Aziraphale like a friend at the Flood and makes no attempt to censor his horror at what is happening there.
Job is the first time we see Crowley act in a way that implies mistrust between them. This is the first time they’ve met since the Flood which I suspect is contributing to his reluctance to be honest with Aziraphale here. They fall into their roles and then very rapidly fall out of them. The fact Azriaphale reaches out to Crowley here is important. As is the moment where Crowley asks Aziraphale if he’s sure. After Aziraphale more or less agrees to be all in something changes. Crowley is surprisingly honest about his view on the world, mostly trusting Aziraphale not to use it against him. He places himself in front of a host of angels, trusting that Aziraphale would not expose him. And then later he’s even more honest, admitting to Aziraphale he’s lonely in an attempt to show solidarity.
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The entire Arrangement could not exist without them trusting each other. Crowley’s pushing at Aziraphale’s boundaries is a constant exercise in trusting that Aziraphale will come around eventually - or that he at the very least isn’t about to weaponize the treacherous things Crowley is saying against him. As early as 1601 we see Aziraphale voicing active concern for Crowley's well being. We then see Crowley actively trust Aziraphale with both their safeties in 1941 - whether it’s trusting Azriaphale to save them from the bomb about to drop on them or trusting Aziraphale’s trust in him to not accidentally discorporate him during the bullet catch. They even explicitly talk about their mutual trust in this year during their shades of gray conversation.
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During Armageddon Crowley shows up trusting that Aziraphale will help him fix this and once Aziraphale agrees never once seems to consider the idea that Aziraphale would hide anything from him (even when Aziraphale is actively doing so).
He also critically knows that Aziraphale tried to reach God and got himself discorporated as a consequence. And likely specifically knows that Aziraphale talked to the Metatron and came away from that conversation realizing that Heaven would not help him. It's worth noting whether Crowley knows this bit or not that in this conversation Aziraphale not only explicitly questions the Metatron's authority but also uses the conversation to extract information from the Metatron.
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Aziraphale leaves this conversation with an active lie to the Metatron and attempts to call Crowley to tell him everything he knew. He then continually chooses Crowley over Heaven. They pick their own side and help stop the world from ending.
And then, all season, Aziraphale keeps proving that the trust Crowley has always had in him is well earned. Aziraphale, even more than Crowley himself, brings up ideas of 'us' and 'our side' and 'our car'.
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Aziraphale openly talks negatively of Heaven. Not only does he agree with Crowley's disbelief that Heaven managed to stay in charge sending people like Muriel down, but he even goes a step further, implying that they perhaps never had control over earth in that way.
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He also, most critically, immediately and without hesitation, tries to turn down the Metatron's offer to even have a conversation. Aziraphale, who has also just brought a group of archangels to order, reaffirms his lack of interest in Heaven right then and there in front of Crowley. Right when the Metatron has reaffirmed the threat of the Book of Life is out of play.
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Crowley trusts Aziraphale. He always has. And more than ever lately Aziraphale has given him proof that he doesn't have to worry about where he allegiances lay.
But. It's also worth noting. I don't think Crowley is as chill as he maybe seems like he is. Yes, he's sprawled out and speaking casually here, but to some degree this is a bit of posturing. He's playing it cool and also not encroaching on the control Aziraphale has managed to wrangle on this situation. But he also doesn't just let them wander off either. As soon as they hit the door, Crowley is out of the chair and walking to the front of the shop to watch them leave through the window. He's keeping tabs as they walk away.
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He then banishes Muriel and promptly starts to clean. Now I'm always a little wary to mix Book and Show canon, but I do think his cleaning of the bookshop (as well as him carrying around stacks of books while babysitting Jim) are manifestations of Book!Crowley's tendency to want to stress clean. He's keeping himself busy and gets done too quickly then promptly glances at his watch before throwing himself into the chair with a frustrated noise. He's anxious and stressed the entire time Aziraphale is out of his line of sight.
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In other words, Crowley's not actually as calm as he's presenting himself to be. He's trying to take that nervous energy out in a way that doesn't conflict with giving Aziraphale agency. Because he trusts his angel. And that in part is why it hits him so hard when it all blows up in his face.
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lamenrising · 4 months
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I feel like people that call Damen dumb for not figuring out what happened between the Regent and Laurent need to understand that he did know. The hints are carefully placed throughout the books. Pacat mentions that Damen is written like this for a purpose. He's not stupid. He can deduce that something happened to Laurent but he doesn't push. Even when his thoughts head towards a darker path he immediately blocks it out of his mind because just the thought of it is so unthinkable for him. What makes it more clear to me is when the Regent reveals what happened and Damen, without hesitation goes berserk and doesn't hesitate to try and kill him.
It is so important that Damen is written this way because he never tries to intrude or push Laurent to reveal what happened, even though he has an idea already. He is very conscious of Laurent's privacy and will never get him to do something he's not comfortable with. I'm aware people think Damen is a bit stupid or naive when it comes to trusting people. Given how he was in denial for a long time about Kastor's betrayal but I want people to understand that this is a cardinal part of his character. In my opinion, it is the trait that Laurent fell in love with the most. His determination and readiness to give his whole heart for the people he cherishes the most.
One more thing, Laurent always acknowledges how intelligent and cunning Damen is, he trusts Damen's feedback more than anyone else's. Laurent, in my opinion suspects that Damen already has an idea of what happened. In Kings Rising, when Laurent confesses to Damen that 'there has only been one other person', we can see Damen starting to realise. Anyway, I feel like I went a bit off topic but I just wanted to say that Damen is intentionally written like this. He is very perceptive and has a good read on people. He knows that Laurent has suffered abuse in the past but he has no intention of invading his privacy and is instead, content to never mention it until Laurent himself is ready to tell him. Even if Laurent is never ready Damen would not push him. Damen fell in love with Laurent not because of his trauma but because he came to know him as a person. Nothing will ever change that.
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am i the asshole for standing near the back of a Black artist's concert as a white person?
this happened last year and it's bothered me ever since. so i'm a fan of a Black musician and went to my first show of his last year. it was a small venue, only about 300-ish capacity. i like standing at the back of crowds for my own comfort, and when i went to see him i did the same as i usually do, relaxing at the back with a drink. this artist's fanbase is also mostly Black, and i admit i also stood at the back to give his Black fans a chance to get closer to the stage as i know they connect and relate to his music more, as his songs are heavily about the struggles of being Black in america, something i don't and can't relate to, but i still enjoy him and his music a lot. anyway, the show was great, he's an incredible performer, but when i brought the show up to my friend she got really cagey and weird with me, saying that being in the back during a Black performer's set was racist and weird, like i didn't want to be seen listening to a Black artist. i was fucking baffled by this and asked her to explain her reasoning and she just said standing at the back like that showed disinterest like i didn't really care about him or what he was singing about and that i was ashamed to be listening to Black people??? (important note that this friend is also white by the way) when i told her the reasons i did stay near the back, she changed her opinion to say that i was infantilizing his Black fans by saying they need to be up front like i was coddling them. this made no sense to me but it did stick in my mind ever since, i try to acknowledge any internalized racism i have as a white person since none of us are free from it, and i would feel terrible if what i did was an act of internalized racism that i didn't realize. i no longer talk to this friend for other reasons, she ended up having a lot more unrelated batshit insane takes that i just couldn't handle and she also took any chance she got to attack and belittle me, and i dropped contact with her completely a few months ago. but this one incident has been gnawing away at me ever since it happened. i know this all comes off as white guilt-ish but i really do care about these things and try to be as best of an ally as possible.
What are these acronyms?
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within-your-eyes-if · 5 months
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Chapter Three: Part One Release Tomorrow
Chapter 3 Part One is coming tomorrow (11/22 for me)!
I feel it'd be prudent to share this now because I know some of you will be very eager to jump into the story but there are important details I want you to be aware of.
First and foremost: Starting over is HIGHLY suggested, as there have been significant changes to the code. Your old saves will not work properly. But this also works because of the following first point:
Narrative Enhancements: As the story has unfolded, I've realized that certain elements were somewhat weak and needed more refining, while others seemed a bit 'out-of-the-blue.' These points hadn't been fully explored yet, except maybe vaguely in the Codex. To address this, I've added more foreshadowing in previous chapters and expanded and edited some Codex entries. I hope these changes provide a clearer understanding of the world and its lore.
Codex Update: While some new entries were added and a few expanded upon, I will be adding more in a future update. I'm just very tired and need a short rest to recharge my brain. I hope you understand and I appreciate your patience on the matter!
Gabriel and Lee Poly Route: As we delve into the complexities of a polyamorous route with Gabriel and Lee, it's important to note that their relationship begins with some jealousy. They are still at the early stages of getting to know each other, and this emotion is a natural part of their dynamic at this stage. Without revealing too much, I believe it's essential to acknowledge this upfront so you are all aware.
Emotional Depths: This chapter continues to tread through emotional terrain, and while it may seem heavy at times, these feelings are pivotal. They echo the profound events that have irrevocably altered the MC's life, and it's crucial to portray these events with the gravity they deserve.
Mind the Trigger Warnings: As we venture deeper, some story elements may be challenging. I urge you to read the trigger warnings provided at the start of the chapter and proceed in a way that respects your comfort and boundaries.
Lastly, I wanted to touch on the results of the height poll. It turns out I had misremembered male Gabriel's height ─ a reminder to always double-check! The majority of you expressed a preference for female Gabriel to match male Gabriel’s height. As for male Xiao, opinions were divided: many prefer his current height, while a significant number would like him shorter. I'm going to give these results some more thought. Your input was helpful, and I'll be sure to keep it in mind as the story continues to evolve. Thank you for participating!
Your patience and engagement mean the world to me. I'm eager for you to experience Part One and I hope it resonates with you. Another big shout out and huge thanks to my testers for their hard work and assistance with ensuring this part is ready for release! Your input was invaluable ♥
Thank you so much!
Total Word Count: 277,298 (excluding Codex)
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reasonsforhope · 3 months
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hey i get what youre trying to say with the taylor swift post but as of a few days ago shes trying to sue a college student who posts her (publicly available) flight logs. she very much does not give a shit about her carbon emissions and she shouldn’t be celebrated for her mediocre attempts to seem climate-conscious
I get what you're saying, definitely. I also did actually know about the thing with the college student when I posted that, so I wanted to give some context about why I made that post:
First, I personally didn't view it as celebrating her so much as celebrating progress. I think that if we never acknowledge wins, we'll end up dispirited very quickly
Second, recognizing when people decide to be less shitty is, at least I think, an important carrot in the carrot-and-stick dynamic of using public opinion to influence public figures
Lastly - and this may well be an unpopular opinion - but I don't actually hold her actions re: the college student against her
Why?
Well, for one, it was a cease and desist letter, not an attempted lawsuit. A cease and desist letter isn't legally binding, nor is it the start of a lawsuit - it's more like she's Putting Him On Notice. A cease and desist order can be followed by a lawsuit, if it's ignored, but it doesn't initiate one. Likely Taylor Swift will try several other steps of resolution before actually telling her lawyers to sue this guy, if only because the headlines would Not look good (x, x)
But more than that, I don't hold it against her because when Taylor Swift says that it's a matter of life and death for her, I believe that's very true.
Like, don't get me wrong, I'm not mad about her flight data being up either. And I'm not particularly a fan of Taylor Swift
But I also think that if I had to read through the rape and death threats she gets on an almost-certainly-daily basis, I'd want to vomit.
And I think that was true before Trump and his minions got obsessed with the idea that she's the keystone in the next Biden-election-stealing Pentagon psyops plot. Now - especially in the days right before the Superbowl, when this alleged conspiracy is supposed to happen - I don't even want to think about the brutality of the threats she's receiving
(For anyone going "Uh, wtf?" about the MAGA Superbowl Taylor Swift conspiracy thing, yes, I hate to inform you that it's A Whole Thing. More info here: x, x, x, x, x, x)
Taylor Swift does have stalkers, and now she has a bunch of MAGA paramilitary conspiracy theorists absolutely furious with her. If I were her, I'd want to do every single thing I could to keep information on my movements and in-the-moment location off the internet, too
tl;dr: I don't necessarily think she cares about the environment, but I'm not mad at her for sending a cease and desist letter because I think without her extensive security, she would be in real danger now, including possibly danger of being killed by armed MAGA conspiracy theorists
You're allowed to be mad at her and dislike her (obviously!), you're allowed to totally disagree with my attitude toward the cease and desist. I just wanted to share my rationale for including the post (and it is something I went back and forth on tbh)
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kelin-is-writing · 1 year
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We have Dabi burning anyone who talks shit about you, but what if he overheard a bunch of pervs having a lewd conversation about you 🫢 maybe it’s your coworkers and he just so happened to hear all the filth they were saying about you:
“I wish I could see what those tits looked like underneath that uniform”
“I wonder if she’s still a virgin”
“They say the shy girls are the freakiest in bed”
“If I had her number, I’d ask her to send nudes every night for me to jerk off to”
Meanwhile, Dabi is sizzling with anger, steam coming off the top of his head and smoke flaring from his nostrils like a pissed off dragon
ANOOOOOOON— WHAT HAVE YOU DONE LIKE— I DON’T EVEN HAVE MY MEMES TO USE ON THIS ONE, BUT MY BRAIN IS SHORT-CIRCUITING HARD I PROMISE.
protective!dabi is everything please...
like— he wouldn’t let it out in the moment, because you’re on a date in public and problems might arise, but those comments bothers him a lot for three (3) reasons:
1. you’re clearly taken, that’s something disgusting to do (in his opinion);
2. you’re a person not an object, they’re disgusting and disrespectful;
3. the way they sexualized you like that, for everyone to hear, makes him want to vomit.
and if they didn’t want to apologise, scum like them always refuses to acknowledge their wrongdoings, dabi will take care of taking out the trash personally.
the villain tells you to wait there for him, sitting on a bench, as “i’ve got something important to take care of princess, i’ll be right back”, giving you a way too shining smile whereas his eyes were cold as ice; he then took off, menacing grim expression taking over his feature as soon as he turns away from you.
when dabi saw from a far the small group getting into an alley (of course they were thugs), he silently followed them suit trailing behind those four garbages and when he was close enough to the one on the far back the black haired young man lifted his hand level face with him and blue flames started coming out of his palm mercilessly, setting the guy on fire in few seconds.
when hearing the pained scream of their companion, the other three turned going blank when recognising dabi standing beside their lit up friend that was trying uselessly to take out the fire, before turning completely into ashes.
his turquoise furious orbs settled on the remaining trash bags as he slowly walked up to them:
“lemme show you scums what happens when you disrespect my woman.”
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writingwithfolklore · 2 months
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Taking Notes from Editors
I did a post on giving and receiving feedback, but now that I’ve been an editor for a little longer, I’d like to do a follow up on taking feedback specifically from professional editors.
                While ultimately writers are the rulers of their work and can make the final decisions on it, there's a lot of growth in your manuscript to be found by trusting your editor and taking their notes. As an editor, it’s my job to make your work as good as it can possibly be. It’s also my job to maintain your style and voice and make sure everything you do best shines the brightest.
                We’ve studied and practiced this goal. So the biggest thing I want to impart on you is:
1. Trust your editor
Go into the process with the mindset that you'll accept at least 85% of the edits your editor suggests. When another editor works on my writing, I accept about 95% of it, sometimes %100 (for shorter pieces).
Writers sometimes get hung up on the smallest changes an editor tries to make. Be careful not to be too precious, allow your work to be explored from a different perspective and lens.
You can always keep a separate doc that has your original piece, it doesn’t go away or get ruined when an editor works on it. While it's your work in the end, it's helpful to go into it with an open mind. Often feedback you may have never considered is the key to really elevating your piece. Make some room for your editor's opinion and expertise, trust your editor.
2. Choose your battles
If you are going to reject a suggestion, I recommend it be something really worth going to bat for. Choose your battles, and choose only the biggest ones. You ultimately know your work best, so fight only for the stuff you believe is integral to keeping the same.
This will be an easier battle to win if you’ve already accepted the vast majority of other suggestions. Does it really matter if your main character’s name is Jolene or Veronica? Maybe not, so take that suggestion so you can afford to keep her queerness, or the subplot about her mother, etc.
But going back to the trust your editor idea, don’t think about it as a battle. We are not on opposite sides, we’re both fighting for the same thing—to make your work the best it can be. Respectfully acknowledge a suggestion you don’t like, give it a day or two to think on it, and then decide if that’s something you’d really like to advocate for.
As an editor, when a writer has a solid justification for rejecting a suggestion it helps me understand their work better, and builds trust between us.
3. It’s okay you’re not perfect
Sometimes as a writer receiving feedback, my impulse is to be embarrassed I’ve done something ‘wrong’. Then, of course, I go to defend myself or justify it or attack. We don’t like feeling threatened, and it can cause some high tempers and nasty disagreements in the editing world.
It’s really important that you recognize that impulse to defend yourself, and choose not to react to it.
By that I mean, if you feel yourself getting defensive over a piece of feedback—take a deep breath, don’t answer it right away. You don’t need to explain yourself. Think on it for a bit, just try it out. See what happens when you make that change. If you still hate it, think about why. If you’re just rejecting it on impulse, you’re probably in that “defend” state.
                You’re not being attacked, and you’re not a bad writer. It’s okay if you’ve made a decision that didn’t land, or a mistake that’s kind of embarrassing.
                As an editor, I can assure you that I don’t judge my writers. Ever. When I make suggestions, it’s from a pure ‘just trying to help’ standpoint, and I really appreciate when my writers are open to my suggestions and ideas and accept or reject my suggestions with friendliness and grace.
                I’m not a super experienced editor in any way, but if anyone has any questions about the editing process, the job, or anything else about it, I will do my best to answer!
Next post we're going to talk about when to reject a suggestion or feedback because the editor/reader isn't always right. Follow to catch that when it's out!
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