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craftypeaceturtle · 3 years

Text

B is for Baby Time!

Summary: They finally get to meet the newest arrival for their family.

Note: Part of a series but can be read alone! The ABCs of their little family! Demus and Royality.

The beginning- A is for Arrival

Next part: C is for Choas!

They got the call at exactly midnight. The second it turned to December they had prepared everything ready in case the baby would be early; they would not run around like headless chickens when the moment came. They had a baby carrier filled with blankets and a change of baby clothes that stood guard over their front door. But the 10th of December passed without any update. Remus was particularly insufferable but then again Janus had his own special brand of impatience. But all of that fell to pieces when they finally got the call at midnight that their surrogate had gone into labour. The baby was coming.

Janus blanched as he violently slapped Remus’ arm to get him up. He got up and started storming down the stairs all while silently gaping at the phone. Remus slunked after him before it suddenly dawned on him why Janus would be panicking at a phone call.

The plan had been to sit at home and wait until the baby was born then drive carefully and calmly to the hospital. That lasted a good... 20 minutes? “Do you want to go and wait in the hospital?” Janus finally sighed. Remus’ fidgeting stopped for the first time since the call.

“Why? Do you wanna sit in a waiting room for hours on end?” Remus kept staring ahead.

“Well I don’t know about you, but I can totally just sit here for several more hours.”

“We...” Remus sighed and wiped at his eyes, “We should be making the most of this really. Our last night of uninterrupted sleep.”

“Okay then, go to sleep then,” Janus laughed. Remus chuckled.

“Okay, let’s get going shall we?” Remus got up and held out his curled arm like the gentleman he was.

“We shall... after you put actual clothes on. I’m sure the nurses don’t want to see your manky boxers,” Janus chuckled and pulled and flicked him with the waistband.

They launched themselves at the car and only just remembered to actually grab the baby carrier. Sitting in the hospital room both felt like a relief and horrifically underwhelming. There were here now! They were here ready for any and all news. No need to keep anyone hanging. They felt productive just sitting there. But also... Both of them were just sitting there. In their rushed on jogging bottoms and baggy jumpers, with Remus’ wild bed head and Janus’ own frizzy hair lying limply against his back. They were both shivering as the December weather leaked into the waiting room. “Just time to wait...” Remus smiled weakly.

An hour passed awkwardly. The second hour passed both quickly and also as painstakingly slowly.

Remus’ phone vibrated from his pocket:

Evil Twin Bro- Hey, you know lots of weird stuff about getting different stains out right?

- yep

-also it really isn’t that weird.

-it’s called being an adult.

Evil Twin Bro- Do you know how to get blood out of t-shirt material?

-is it dried or nah

-soak in cold water

-wash like loads of times

Evil Twin Bro- I’ll kill you if this doesn’t work. Also, why are you awake at 2 in the morning you maniac!

-could ask you 2

Evil Twin Bro- I asked you first.

-baby’s coming.

Evil Twin Bro- Wait really??????!!!!!!!!!

Evil Twin Bro- Congratulations!!!!

-haven’t got the baby yet. waiting 4 surro.

Evil Twin Bro- Are you at the hospital?

-yea

Evil Twin Bro- How long have you been waiting?

-like 2h

Evil Twin Bro- Woah, that’s rough. How you holding up?

-dunno

Evil Twin Bro- You don’t know?

-feel like I’m gonna vomit. but also excited.

-well I don’t know if it’s good vomit or bad vomit y’know?

Evil Twin Bro- I really don’t. What are you lot doing then?

-J fell asleep. I’m trying to save battery on phone.

-So just sitting here.

Evil Twin Bro- Do you want me to drop stuff off for you? Pat was planning this whole thing for when you lot got the baby. He was going to cook you lot some fancy dinner and take it to you three. So I don’t mind helping you out! I could give you some muffins (trust me you’ll start to get hungry) and I have an iPad with a few films downloaded so you won’t need wifi.

-jesus why cant you be like everyone else and send a sentence at a time

-we’re all goiufhgb

-Hello Roman. This is Janus. Yes, we would greatly appreciate you bringing some stuff.

Evil Twin Bro- Haha, no problem!

“I can’t believe you’re dragging him here,” Remus sighed as Janus wordlessly passed his phone back.

“Why not?” Janus answered honestly. His whole being looked dragged down by sleepiness. Remus shrugged and looked ahead. Janus usually put so much effort into his appearance. Even the most basic ‘going to the shop’ outfit was a dramatic black and yellow gothic Disney villain who actually did crimes look. But he was simply shrugged over in the chair. He looked sleepily up to him through his hair.

“Why was he even asking all that at 2am anyway!”

“You don’t want him to come?” Janus asked, Remus heaved a sigh and plopped his head on top of Janus’.

“I dunno... I think I’m just tired and panicky. It’s all good,” Remus muttered off to a whisper. He pressed a kiss to his hair and closed his eyes.

He didn’t actually sleep. He just wanted to stop all conversation. People continued bustling in and out and Janus managed to fall asleep again with his chin propped up against his chest. He was even letting out a steady stream of snorty snores. Remus kept his eyes closed hoping no one would try to start a conversation with him. Janus was the talker to other people of their relationship. He only opened his eyes when he felt a firm prod to his shoulder.

“Hey Reem,” Roman whispered before flicking his forehead.

“What do you want dickbag?” Remus answered without thinking. Janus thankfully stayed sleeping. Roman only gave a pity smile and held out his bag. He pulled out some muffins and bottles of flavoured water alongside the promised ipad covered in glittery space stickers. Remus was too busy dumping the bag on the floor to notice Roman trying to get him to stand up.

“C’mon.” He gestured to over where the reception was. Remus nodded heavily and gently prised himself from Janus.

Now that they were further away, Remus saw that another hour and a half had passed. “Woah, you took ages?”

“Yeah, I thought about waking up Pat and then you have no idea what a nightmare it was trying to find a 24 hour shop. Like it was so much harder than I thought!” Roman now spoke loudly with his on brand gestures.

“Right...” Remus fluffed up his hair and slumped into another chair. Hmm, just as uncomfortable as the other.

“You okay?” Roman lowered himself to his eye line, looking like he was talking to a spooked dog, “Like really?”

“Dunno. I-I just don’t know. I feel a bit all over the place to be honest,” Remus flung his head back, “What did you lot feel?”

“Pretty much the same,” Roman giggled, “Patton was a mess. I think it’s always one person does fine while the other has an existential crisis. That was definitely Pat. But he calmed down the second he got to see Logan.”

Remus nodded, not entirely sure if he was actually listening or just getting lost in the sensation of his heavy head tipping up and down. “Fair,”

“What’s going through your head right now?”

“Dunno... D-Do you...” Remus started before whipping his head to face the wall behind him, “do you think I’ll be like... I dunno a good dad?”

“Of course,” Roman slapped an hand on his shoulder. He was looking forward at the waiting room with an awkward wonky smirk.

“Okay listen. Let’s be honest. Being emotional and gross with you just feels weird. I’ve been fine with having a baby before this. This is purely me panicking right now. As you said, I’ll be fine. So we can we not do emotional conversation?” Remus laughed awkwardly but he lightened up once Roman relaxed as well.

“Oh thank god you said it!” Roman laughed and melted back into his chair.

“Why were you coated in blood in the middle of the night anyway?”

“I wasn’t coated in blood,” Roman gasped way too loudly which Remus cackled at. Roman blushed bright red and nodded at the concerned receptionist, “I got the most random nose bleed out of nowhere and I knew you were the entire person in existence who wouldn’t question me.”

“You make me sound like a total weirdo! I would question you!”

“But you didn’t!”

They settled into silence for a bit before inevitably Remus felt the need to speak, “How the hell did mum ever cope with twins? Like that seems like a lot...”

“Right?! Right after we had Logan, I think my mother’s day presents probably tripled in cost. She deserves it. Like all the same build up and worry but then you have another baby to come!” Roman shook his head.

“Aren’t babies are fairly gross as well?” Remus grimaced.

“Oh yeah! Don’t be put off from it! Oh, I feel so awful but the first time I saw Logan my first thought was ‘ew’. They don’t look anything like babies at first. Like Logan was blue with a traffic cone shaped head.”

“Their head is all fragile and mouldable. Janus made sure to show me pictures of newborns,” Remus stared off into nothing before turning to him with his signature smirk, only a little more tired, “But I am so telling Logan you thought he was an ugly baby.”

“Ahem,” Janus stood before them with an expectant look. Remus smiled and held out his arm which Janus jokingly shoved aside to sit down on the chair, “Hello Roman, I’m guessing you’re responsible for the pile of stuff that was at my feet.”

“Yep! How are you doing?” Roman smiled awkwardly.

“Tired but that’s to be expected. Are you staying long?”

“No, actually that’s a good point! I really shouldn’t stay out longer. Pat will actually murder me for butting myself in,” Roman stood up with an exaggerated old man groan, “But... please text when you finally say hello to the little guy! I expect pictures!”

Once Roman left, they wandered back over to their stuff and settled into a long night. Janus tried to stay awake. He knew that Remus was having a freak out. You would think it would be easy with the bright harsh lighting in the waiting room and the constant buzzing of conversation. Yet, his head bobbed lower and lower before Remus finally guided his head to his shoulder. He really tried but the tiredness and mix of emotions left him helpless. Remus only smiled at his useless husband before settling himself into Roman’s ipad. He settled into the Incredibles without much else to do.

It was 5am when Remus saw the husband of the surrogate walk over to them. He didn’t think about it has he flung himself upwards, flinging Janus wide awake. The guy looked exhausted. “Hey, Remus and Janus?” He asked, thoroughly mispronouncing Janus, with his hand held out. Remus nodded awkwardly before thrusting a still waking up Janus at him.

“Yes, hello.” Janus shook his hand firmly.

“Hey so the baby’s arrived,” He spoke softly as he walked back into the winding corridors he emerged from. They quickly followed after him, “He’s 6lb and about 20 inches. A little small thing but all healthy and average.”

“Aw, that’s all good to hear. Congratulations,” Janus sleepily smiled.

“Thanks but I think I’m supposed to be saying that to you two!” The guy chuckled awkwardly before he opened a door for them.

Inside was the mother looking absolutely exhausted, curled up into her pillow with her frizzy hair thrown about the place. Janus subconsciously flicked his hand through his own hair, only now realising that he never brushed it before coming out. Ah well, not like anyone was looking their best for the demon of the baby that woke them all up. And of course there was the star of the show.

The baby was fussing a clear plastic crib looking thing, his reddened arms flinging around with his tiny little feet occasionally kicking. His face was screwed up but at least he wasn’t crying. He was simply laying there. The little boy that would change everything.

Janus managed to pull away from the sight and say something to the mother. Remus deserved the first moments with their son.

Remus looked at the mother but she was busy talking so he quietly shrugged before holding his hands out. It felt bad. They baby was clearly still fussy but quiet. What if picking him up set him off? But his hands were also hanging over him now. Sighing, he gently lowered his hands so they just about touched the tiny baby. He was warm to the touch and Remus grimaced at his thoughts that erupted from that. Maybe it was just because he was in a warm room. It felt like he was five years old all over again. It was like when a relative you barely know has a baby and just dumps the baby in your arms because it’s cute but you have no idea how to hold this fragile floppy new human.

The baby sniffled at feeling his hands slowly worm underneath him but Remus then swiftly took hold of him and brought him to his chest, quietly shushing him without thinking. Thankfully, he settled down instantly. He was somehow both tiny and way heavier than he thought. “Heya little fella,” He cooed as he tried to uncurl his fist. The baby’s tiny little fingers uncurled and pressed back against his own finger.

“He’s gorgeous,” Janus sighed as he came up behind Remus.

“Aw, he is. What are you guys naming him again?” The mother quietly asked.

“Virgil,” Remus answered but he kept his eyes glued to his baby. Janus smoothed his hand over the baby’s head.

“Oh that’s a unique name!” The mother chirped.

“Has two people with unusual unique names, it only felt appropriate,” Janus muttered but his focus was completely enraptured by the baby, “Reem, do you mind doing the last of the paper work, then we can leave you all to recovery.”

“Cheers,” The father smiled awkwardly. Remus held out the baby and graciously lowered him into his arms. He perked up when he felt Remus press a kiss to his cheek, god he was clearly felt so sappy today. Not that he could really blame him.

They brought the baby carrier into the room ready to take him home and of course his eyes caught on their supplies. They brought a infant onesie- the cutest and non-halloween themed one they bought- but yet Janus frowned at the thought of trying to wrestle this baby into clothing. He looked much more comfortable pressed to his chest that he did lying down but he still looked like he could be seconds away from crying again. Of course, he couldn’t even begin to understand how stressful birth must be. The poor thing. He awkwardly bent backwards and grabbed the same blanket they bought about a month ago. Despite how much he tried, he couldn’t get out the black marker stain. It was just the first blanket they grabbed when preparing. Obviously. Of course. The first thing they grabbed. He grappled with the baby to gently cocoon him in the purple blanket. The spider web spiral sat in the middle of his back making him look like their little spider sitting in the middle of his purple spider web.

He didn’t track when Remus came back in. He didn’t even think to keep up conversation with the biological parents. All he knew was that he was slowly stepping back and forth while pressing his face into Virgil’s own squishy cheek.

Their little baby Virgil.

#sanders sides #My writing #remus sanders #Janus Sanders #deceit sanders #virgil sanders #family dark sides #fanfic #fluff #family #demus #dukeceit

27 notes · View notes

apologies-in-advance · 3 years

Text

scene bucket #5(?)

marion: why do we never get percy with feeling

feelings*

kristin: ?

marion: this kid has problems

and

we never talk about them at all canonically

kristin: yeah, idk

like there are (that i know of) two instances of ptsd

in the entire series

which, okay, kids book, but still

he's like seventeen (and so are the rest of them)

they've seen who knows how many deaths. like...

marion: isn't it a YA book tho?

kristin: yeah

but

i think it was targeted to like 13/14?

idk...

marion: harry potter has death plots and people bleeding out and george being rightfully upset about fred

but like

pjo is just yes we have problems in the subtext

kristin: that is one thing i missed.

that i want.

(which probably makes me horrible, idk)

marion: no i kind of want it too

kristin: xD

are we bad people?

marion: no

i think we just want someone to finally be sad

kristin: yeah

marion: bc these kids are like

always happy

bar leo who canonically is depressed but they NEVER SAY IT

kristin: right

like, for example, i feel like with all those deaths (especially, for example, like Bianca and Beckendorf) and with Percys fatal flaw

he'd really beat himself up

like, more so than in the books.

and like Hazel literally was in the underworld.

and even though she was in the fields of asphodel. i feel like that would mess someone up.

marion: hazel faced discrimination

uhM

kristin: eurgh

i've always wanted to explore that, tbh

like, i have this thing that when she finally comes back, she asks Nico where a bathroom is, and he shows her

and she's like "that's not funny"

because there's different colored people in there, too

marion: oh

that's

that's kind of depressing

kristin: oof.

sorry.

idk, its just how i always imagined it going down.

marion: no no you're right

im just

kind of sad

that that would happen

kristin: yeah, ik

marion: to cinnamon roll hazel

kristin: (literally one of my favorite characters)

marion: *sob* i cant deal with this

:'(

this genuinely makes me want to cry

i dont-

how????

kristin: you imagine how hard it would be for her to have to adjust to like having a brother

that was

eurgh

sorru

*sorry

( i don't know if the term white is offensive or not)

marion: nah

kristin: okay, okay just checking

marion: poor cinnamon roll

kristin: D:

marion: i want to hug her and never let go

kristin: sammee

marion: ndfowendonwefon hazel is best

kristin: ikr

marion: hazel deserves best

kristin: yes

like she had to watch her mom die

in front of her

and she thought it was her fault

marion: hazel has angst, percy has angst, leo has angst

like her fatal flaw is guILT

angst budddiees

marion: :[

the angst trio

they cry themselves to sleep and pretend they're ok!

kristin: stOP

that's soo sad.

marion: everyone tries and subsequently fails to get them to talk about their problems

kristin: yeah, ik.

and they're just like, i'm fine.

Stop! Get some help!

marion: we're fine *sobbing*

kristin: through their tears

like, the rest of the seven can hear them crying through the thin walls of the Argo but nobody says anything

marion: *whispers* trauma? never heard of her

kristin: whose she?

honestly, though, like *sighs* it's so sad

marion: hahahaha...

kristin: haha.

*sighs*

like, the fates or whatever terrible being is in charge, just throw these kids and a satyr

on a flying boat

to destroy the earth

in order to save it

marion: and only one of them is mostly ok

actually coach hedge seems ok

kristin: yeah

maybe a little wack-o

but...

otherwise, fine

marion: so 2 out of 8

kristin: (unless we're counting nico)

marion: 2/9

kristin: Who, i think doesn't get as much appreciation as he should

reyna?

marion: 2/10

kristin: ooh, yes

oh, gods were making it worse

marion: 1/5

uhm that's pretty small

thalia?

2/11

kristin: sTOP i feel nico should get more recognition, though. like, he went

through tartarus.

alone.

marion: i think he and will are a focus in toa

but idk

kristin: (informercial voice Only 2 out of 11 demigods per year are mostly okay)

yeah idk either

marion: hey coach hedge isnt a demigod

kristin: CaUsE i HaVenT rEaD iT

oh no.

oops

...

marion: only 1/10 demigods are estimated to be mostly ok

one

out of

kristin: -that's-depressing-

marion: ten

kristin: one

out

ten

marion: low statistics

kristin: the weight of the worlds

*words

(like the weight of the sky on Percy and Annabeths shoulders)

marion: imagine the demigods making an 'into to chb!' video

kristin: uh oh

marion: and they're like so what's so great about being a demigod? and they all have fake cheery voices and blah

percy's just nothing. nothing is good about being a demigod. have fun dying before 18.

i literally barely made it.

they're like

can i quit?

no. no you can't

kristin: can i be fired?

marion: no.

please?

dang it

uhm

kristin: but you can die

have fun!

marion: how is that bETTTER

kristin: *whispers* it might be

nO WHAT HAVE I DONE

...

marion: i dont like the brutal honesty in this conversation

kristin: :/

i don't either, honestly.

*hA honestly*

*brutal honesty?*

*no? okay i'm sorry*

marion: *sob*

kristin: no, i'm fine.

they're all fin

marion: just fine.

kristin: loOK what i found

" The cab sped west. Every gust of wind through Death Valley sounded like a spirit of the dead. Every time the brakes hissed on an eighteen-wheeler, it reminded me of Echidna’s reptilian voice."

tlt

marion: i-

my dude

get some help

perCY

kristin: he doesn't need it

'member?

marion: YES HE DOES

HE FRIGGIN NEEDS THERAPY

kristin: " She made one more attempt to speak, but the sound was gone. Her image melted away. If it was my mother, I had lost her again. I felt like drowning myself. The only problem: I was immune to drowning."

" The last thing I remembered was sinking in a burning sea, knowing that Tyson was gone forever, and wishing I were able to drown"

marion: IJBUWFDWBJVH GCWDBIUWS

he wants

DrOWN

himself

and he would

kristin: " Thing is, as I was choking just now, I kept thinking: this is payback for Akhlys. The Fates are letting me die the same way I tried to kill that goddess. And … honestly, a part of me felt I deserved it. That’s why I didn’t try to control the giant’s poison and move it away from me. That probably sounds crazy"

that was blood of olympus!

marion: NO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NONONONO

kristin: yEAH

he was talking to Jason

after they were underwater or whatever

marion: and jason did nothing????

bRO

kristin: he said

marion: help hIM

kristin: Jason thought back to Ithaca, when he was despairing over the visit from his mom’s spirit. ‘No. I think I get it.’

THEN

they act like nothing happened

Percy studied his face. When Jason didn’t say any more, Percy changed the subject.

marion: :[

jASON

kristin: >:{

marion: jASON ASNd PERCY

kristin: D:

marion: iowahdnbxcunejwqzhs UGGYUSKNM

kristin: wonder how many more examples there are....

marion: oh no

my stars

kristin: ik

this is depressing

marion: wow

kristin: what about Frank though?

or PIPER

like he dad got kidnapped

*her

and then like she finally saved him

and he was like you're a hero

and then she had to ERase his Memory

marion: oof

true

kristin: like, it's obviously not as bad as the others

but still.

marion: yeah

kristin: *exhales*

DD:

im sorry

one more

" " She shook her head. ‘I’m not Caesar. After finding Jason’s note in Diocletian’s Palace, tracking you down was easy. I only did what I thought was necessary.’ Percy couldn’t help smiling. ‘Reyna, you’re too modest. Flying halfway across the world by yourself to answer Annabeth’s plea, because you knew it was our best chance for peace? That’s pretty freaking heroic.’ Reyna shrugged. ‘Says the demigod who fell into Tartarus and found his way back.’ ‘He had help,’ Annabeth said. ‘Oh, obviously,’ Reyna said. ‘Without you, I doubt Percy could find his way out of a paper bag.’ ‘True,’ Annabeth agreed. ‘Hey!’ Percy complained. The others started laughing, but Percy didn’t mind. It felt good to see them smile. Heck, just being in the mortal world felt good, breathing un-poisonous air, enjoying actual sunshine on his back. Suddenly he thought of Bob. Tell the sun and stars hello for me. Percy’s smile melted. Bob and Damasen had sacrificed their lives so that Percy and Annabeth could sit here now, enjoying the sunlight and laughing with their friends. It wasn’t fair. ""

marion: i-

sang it

dang it

kristin: you sang it

marion: a nice wholesome moment turned into angst

kristin: ikr

DID YOU

SEE

THAT THEORY

about Zoe and bob?

marion: ?no

kristin: HOLD ON

this is game changing

this is what i'm talking about

Bob's a titan.

He's related to Atlas, yes?

You know who else is related to Atlas? Zoe.

Bob=related to Zoe

You know what her last words were? She said 'I can see the stars again, my lady.' before Artemis turned her into a constellation.

Constellation=Stars

'Tell the stars hello'=Tell my cousin/sister/relative hello

marion: *SOB*

i cant do this

kristin: In Greek mythology, Iapetus was a Titan, the son of Uranus and Gaia and father of Atlas

marion: pjo and hoo have too much angst for my pathetic heart

kristin: s

so... bob is zoe's grandfather

marion: aw........

kristin: balling like a baby

marion: *SOBSBsbhsbejdbfeid*

kristin: YES

marion: you cant do this to me

kristin: i'm sorry

marion: i cant do this

this makes me so depressed

osinfdejnd

how

kristin: i have no idea

marion: bob and zoeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

kristin: D':

yo, imagine how Annabeth and Percy would react if they figured it out

marion: no nonOnONOnONONoNOn

kristin: I think they'd break

at least percy

marion: percy is sad

kristin: eurgh

marion: it's too much

kristin: you know what the worst part is?

marion: what

kristin: his friends don't even know it

they probably think he's actually fien

*fine

marion: i-

what...

hold up

nopr

kristin: they just think he's this upbeat optimistic sarcastic person

makes people laugh because it's a tension releaser

marion: ,'(

kristin: eurgh

marion: get some help, already

kristin: you know what they should have?

a camp therapist. like some Apollo camper, or smth

marion: something

kristin: yeah

for those who would be WILLING

*cough* not percy *cough

he'd be like I'm fiiine

marion: i dont need therapy

kristin: ha

yeah

marion: yup

kristin: Perce, you sure?

yep

marion: uhm

yeah just gonna

go now...

kristin: *shrugs* okay. whatever you say

*walks away*

marion: *sob* yeah im fine

kristin: they don't even turn around (cus they can't hear him [cause it was internal])

marion: *internal breakdown*

kristin: (meanwhile, on the outside) *grins at whatever dumb joke Jason told him*

*or Leo

marion: :')

kristin: just

fine

whAT ARE WE DOING

marion: poor perce

kristin: Dx

marion: percy is the type to get shot in the stomach and tell them to go look at annbeth's papercut

kristin: but, yeah srsly

Exhibit A

"‘You still claim him then?’ Zeus asked menacingly. ‘You claim this child whom you sired against our sacred oath?’ ‘I have admitted my wrongdoing,’ Poseidon said. ‘Now I would hear him speak.’ Wrongdoing. A lump welled up in my throat. Was that all I was? A wrongdoing? The result of a god’s mistake? "

Exhibit B

" ‘Your mother is a queen among women,’ Poseidon said wistfully. ‘I had not met such a mortal woman in a thousand years. Still… I am sorry you were born, child. I have brought you a hero’s fate, and a hero’s fate is never happy. It is never anything but tragic.’ I tried not to feel hurt. Here was my own dad, telling me he was sorry I’d been born. ‘I don’t mind, Father.’ ‘Not yet, perhaps,’ he said. ‘Not yet. But it was an unforgivable mistake on my part.’"

marion: ah and then the mr.brunner incident

kristin: Oh! yes

#pjo #hoo #scenebucket??#suicide #depressed

3 notes · View notes

ravenaveira · 4 years

Text

Ok, time for my review of Kh3 Re:Mind Dlc

This is gonna be long, so be prepared, and yes there will be many spoilers so if you dont want spoilers of the game then you probably shouldnt read this, but if you dont care then stick around.

I will start off with my unbiased and critical opinion.

From the title menu alone you already know what this game is gonna be about. Kairi is gonna be center focus, or should say specifically Sokai, and Riku will be virtually non existent.

Now I know what your thinking, well duh its all about saving Kairi of course Riku wont have that big a role and she’ll be the main focus, and to that I say no shit sherlock I already knew that. My issue isnt that it was Kairi focused because I already knew that and still pre-ordered the DLC, but my issue is what this title screen represents and my fears were proven correct.

Let me elaborate

Riku is just as much of a friend to Sora as Kairi is, from the beginning of the series its always been Sora, Riku, and Kairi, thats the way its ALWASY been. But from this title screen I could tell Riku’s bond with them wasnt gonna be present at all and I was right.

I’ll elaborate further

I know Im jumping way ahead here but bare with me, at the end of the game after Sora rescues Kairi they travel the worlds together, Sora notices he is fading away which is why he goes to the many different worlds he has visited but now with Kairi, spending his final moments with her before he finally disapears.

See the problem? Sora doesnt involve Riku at all in his final moments being alive, he is just completely absent during his entire remaining life. Sora only spends time with Kairi during his final moments, Riku wasnt shown with them once.

I know some people say well we dont know how long Sora was alive before vanishing and he was probably the one who organized the party, but did we see that though? did we see any signs that Sora was alive for more than a day or two? did we see Sora talking to anyone like he was setting anything up? NO, it was all about Kairi and Riku was completely forgotten.

I can understand if Sora wasnt dying then it wouldnt matter how much time he spends with Kairi alone, but Sora was fading away ANY SECOND and he didnt spend any of his remaining time with Riku at all, even at the beach party who is Sora sitting next to alone with before he finally vanishes? Kairi. That is inexcusable and a huge insult to Riku and his bond with Sora, hes just completely excluded, that is unforgivable.

These new added scenes to the ending actually made it worse than the original version of it, before we didnt even know Sora was around for more than a day and just assumed they all had a beach party afterwards to celebrate getting everyone back and saving the world, but now we know Sora was actually around for an extended period of time and made no effort to spend time with anyone other than Kairi, not even his best friend Riku did he spend time with for his final hours, that is despicable.

Another major issue is how Sora keeps saying his journey started with losing Kairi in this game, as if Riku wasnt ALSO lost that day, as if Riku wasnt the reason Sora kept on his journey even after saving Kairi and sending her back to Destiny Islands, as if he didnt fall to his knees and bawl his eyes out finally reuniting with him, as if he wasnt content with spending the rest of his life trapped in the Realm of Darkness with Riku, as if for the entirety of the base game of kh3 Sora wasnt constantly and only thinking about Riku and how many things he wished he could show him.

Apparently in Remind none of that happened, none of that mattered, it was Kairi that was his main motivation, it was Kairi that started his journey, Riku wasnt involved in it at all.

That is a huge issue with this DLC, it treats Riku like a side character and of little importance to Sora, in the base game they handled them fine minus that on instance in the Keyblade Graveyard where Sora says ‘Alone, Im worthless’ even though Riku’s right there but other than that their relationship and bond was handled very well but in Remind? practically non existent.

Now onto the story aspect, if your not into time travel and have trouble understanding the many variations of it then your gonna have a bad time because it gets VERY confusing to follow, which is why you should never introduce time travel because it becomes way too complicated to keep track of and not only that you also have to worry about things like paradoxes, ripples in time, alternate timelines etc. Its a complete clusterfuck to keep up with and manage so time travel really shouldnt have been introduced in this series.

Chirithy tells Sora that no matter what he cant change the past again, yet there are times where Sora does just that so exactly what cant he change? for example, when Roxas appears he asks Sora to do him a favor which is essentially getting the X back from Xemnas in their names. Sora does several things to make this happen and even Kairi gets a couple swings at Xemnas this time but then the two of them are basically caught and restrained inside shadow balls [pause]

See the prob? this is a huge change to that fight, Kairi never took a single swing at Xemnas, she just stood there and got snatched up, Roxas never asked Sora for help getting the X’s back from Xemnas, and Sora and Kairi never got restrained by Xemnas and knocked out.

Chirithy explicitly said Sora cant change what happened and no matter what he has to accept it for what it is, yet here he is, changing what happened. Maybe you could argue well this is an alternate timeline, even if it is that makes all of this irrelevant and means it never happened because the true ending is the one where it didnt happen, making this semi useful Kairi moment really pointless because at the end of the day its not canon, her being useless is the true outcome, none of this matters.

That is extremely disappointing, so even if you alter the past for the better it doesnt matter because its an alternate timeline and that timeline isnt the real one making this whole redo pointless and time consuming for a short DLC that was an extra 30$ to play.

So the time travel is very confusing and even if you follow it, it ends up being very disappointing when you realize none of it matters.

Moving on to some of the tied loose ends, Im glad they explained why Aqua froze up after saying ‘We stand together’ and I like how we get to see how Young Xehanort came to have the beliefs that lead to what he did and also MOMs subtle influence on him succumbing to darkness.

He told Xehanort that he would outgrow the robe and no longer need it because if he was truly powerful then he’d be the one controling the darkness, this leads to Xehanort later begining to travel without the robe and being corrupted. So we know now that MOM also influenced that as well and is very sketchy, even more now than he was before since this action greatly influenced what Xehanort eventually does and all the pain he caused, all of which would have probably never happened if it wasnt for him.

But thats just my theory and what I got from it.

I liked that we got to see Namine for a brief moment where Sora basically brushes her off and completely forgets about thanking her, this is a plotline Im pretty sure at this point is just never going to get resolved. He just tells her to go to the Final World and walks off, which makes no sense because Sora was surprised to see her in the original playthrough.

Another change was Lingering Will dying to protect Sora, again this never happened because Sora was busy fighting alongside everyone in the maze while Lingering Will and Terranort were fighting away from them. After Lingering Will died for him then Sora is pretty much squeezed to death by Terranorts Stand, or atleast knocked unconscious.

So much about these are just so confusing as to how they are happening when Chirithy said the events couldnt be changed I just stopped questioning it.

But atleast this time its made clear that Namine is the one who sent Lingering Will to help everyone and how she did it, so now people can stop saying Kairi is the reason everyone survived because it wasnt, without Lingering Will they would have all died a second time.

Basically the first half of the DLC is just recap with some minor changes and additions to the cutscenes, you get to play as other characters like Riku [optional] Aqua [not optional] and Roxas [optional] but other than that its basically the same thing all over again for the first 3-4 hours of the DLC, that is ridiculous.

The new content finally starts when Kairi is shattered, funny how the game gets good after Kairi dies xD I’ll stop.

Anyway once Kairi dies is when we finally get explorable Scala, but not without having to endure an insane fight with tons of heartless and nobodies and yes its more complicated than you think. It doesnt matter how many heartless or nobodies you kill, they will keep coming until you kill this one red heartless with way more health than your average heartless has.

After that you can pretty much wander around Scala as you wish and this is the only time where you can buy items or food so make sure to do that if your low on items. If your low on money there are minor enemies there that you can kill to get some so take advantage of this opportunity because your not getting another one.

Your goal in Scala is to basically run around, solve a couple puzzles, and get 5 of Kairi’s heart shards, revealed to having to be 7 later on. Sound fun? besides being able to see more of Scala’s layout, not really. But its a good place to take a breather before getting back into the big battles ahead.

Unfortunately your actually forced to fight the armored organization again but thankfully you dont have to do the ENTIRE final battle over, just that one section which I appreciate but wish we didnt have to do any of it at all.

So after we’re done Scala we get in MY opinion the two best parts of the entire DLC. We get to see what was going on with the rest of the keyblade wielders back home and it was INSANE and extremely well done, everybody had a chance to shine.

When everyone was swept away and Mickey was down and out, it was amazing seeing Mickey push himself back up and slowly with what little strength he had take on all the armor organization BY HIMSELF severely weakened, yet still powerful enough to hold them off and stand his ground. He really showed us WHY he is the King, so THAT I really enjoyed. It was extremely well done and one of the most memorable parts of the DLC.

The next part was even more insane and well done, which is us getting to fight as all the keyblade wielders against the armored organization and even get some cool dialog and team attacks in between, it was just amazingly well done seeing everyone work together and switching between characters was just so epic and enjoyable.

Honestly I could play those two parts over and over again and enjoy it everytime, their just that good and the most memorable in the entire DLC.

Coming back with Kairi and killing Xehanort together with all the keyblade wielders including Kairi this time was satisfying to see but it excludes Xehanorts and Eraquses final words, I mean yea seeing Xehanort have a semi happy ending put off alot of people but at the same time, seeing Xehanort come to the realization that he was wrong about everything and giving the Wayfinder trio closure by seeing their master one last time and hearing his apology to them just held more weight to me.

Im not saying I think Xehanort should be redeemed as easily as he was, but I feel like excluding Eraqus and their final words made the ending feel hollow, just ok we beat the bad guy, happily ever after now. Thats pretty lackluster and unsatisfying In my opinion.

Finally the ending....

Heres where Im gonna be biased and give my personal thoughts. Warning if your a fan of Kairi skip to the very end of the review where I give my overall rating

I hate the ending, for the reasons I listed in the beginning but also many others. I get the main focus was gonna be Kairi since the DLC was about saving her, Im not mad about the obvious, Im mad about the execution.

The Sokai agenda was so forced and apparent its not even funny, they shove it in your face so hard yet when Sora is talking with Chirithy he still refers to Kairi as a friend, really? your shoving this pairing down our throats just to have Sora still friendzone her? Im not mad because I dont want them together anyway but I hate the games being played here, you either want them together or you dont, pick a friggin side Nomura.

And while we’re on the subject, I hate, HATE, how this game is so heavily romance focused when Kingdom Hearts was NEVER about romance to begin with, it was always about friendship and bonds. Not in this DLC though, no now its all about Kairi and being with her forever, traveling the world together, holding hands, all this lovey dovey nonsense nobody invested in the plot could give a rats behind about.

Sure people who are into Kingdom Hearts for the romance of course they dont mind, but Im pretty sure MOST people invested in this series are in it for the story, not some stupid pairing, and I HATE how much they shove it down your throat because it is just so forced and obvious what they were doing.

This was all damage control for Kairi, who has been a useless damsel in distress and dues ex machina in every single game shes been a part of. I repeat, EVERY SINGLE GAME SHES A PART OF.

Kh1 - Kidnapped, unconscious, Sora needs to die to save her.

Kh2 - Kidnapped, held hostage, Sora needs to find and save her.

Kh3 - Kidnapped, unconscious, is killed twice, Sora needs to die to save her.

Do you see what I fricken mean? Every fuckin game its the same danm thing over and over and quite frankly Im sick of it. You might as well say this is a Mario game because Kairi is princess Peach always gettin snatched up and Sora is Mario always going through insanely deadly trials to get her back, and then it happens all over again.

This DLC was damage control for that, instead of immediately getting snatched up by Xemnas she actually gets a few good swipes at him to no avail of course, and then she fights together with Sora against armored Xehanort, all of which is just damage control for her not doing anything in the entire franchise and pandering to her fanbase that are constantly screeching for playable Kairi and for her to do something.

It was also damage control for how non existent their relationship was and what a joke its been since Kh1. They arent fooling anybody because thats exactly what this was, otherwise why you have to try so hard to CONVINCE us how important she was to Sora? why did Riku have to get sidelined so much just to boost Kairi up? why’d Sora completely disregard Riku as a part of his journey? why did Sora not spend ANY time with ANYONE for his final moments alive? its so obvious why. The only way to convince anyone shes actually important and relevant is to play down everyone else or exclude them entirely.

Congratulations, you got your wish, good for you fandom, but at what cost?

The time they spent forcing so much Sokai could have been used to tie up way more loose ends than there were but nope, gotta squeeze in that Sokai, thats what yall really here for right? fuck off.

The two best moments of the game was so short lived its not even funny, this DLC was full of so much padding in the first half, forced romance and pandering for damage control they forgot to actually make this a decent DLC.

Since I recorded my gameplay from start to finish I can actually tell you the amount of old content vs the new

3-4 hours of mostly what we already seen with a few changes, I only died twice

1-2 hours of new content, probably less because I got lost and died alot

That is unacceptable, 30$ for only 10% new content? that is a robbery.

Not only that but the worst part is the Limitcut episode, databattles have always been optional for competative players who like the challenge. Now you are FORCED to fight these INSANELY hard bosses, all 13 in order to get the final bits of the aftermath of the story.

WE PAID FOR THIS, this wasnt free we PAID for it and yet we’re basically told ‘Hey if your a casual player and want the rest of the story? well you gotta fight 13 of these insanely hard databattles that used to be optional but now their madatory for you to get the rest of your moneys worth. Too difficult? cant do it? well too danm bad, get good or go home we got your money already so screw you guess you’ll never know’

That is a fucking robbery and a huge slap in the face to people who are invested in the story, not proving their the best by fighting insanely difficult battles no matter what difficulty your on. It wouldnt be an issue if this was always the case, but these battles were always OPTIONAL for competetive players to do if they WANTED to, but now its mandatory and if you cant do it then oh well middle finger to you.

I couldnt even beat Vanitas, I fought him first and then Luxord and I couldnt beat either of them so I just said fuck it and went on youtube to see what I paid to see for free. 30$ wasted on a game I cant even finish, your out of your fucking mind if you think thats fair and excusable.

Thats why at the end of the day I give it a 5/10, its not good but its not bad either, its just decent. But if you asked me if it is worth the time and money? fuck no, my advice? watch other youtubers play it and keep your 30$

If you want it just to play as some of the characters, experience the new content for yourself, and play the databattles then by all means get it.

But if you think thats not enough for you to spend 30$ for then dont get it.

Overall Re:mind gets a 5/10, useless padding for majority of the first half of things we’ve already seen and cant skip because theres new scenes mixed in, forced romance that nobody but shippers care to see, severely lacking new content, and unfair extremely hard mandatory databattles just to see the final aftermath of the story which is kind of important setup for the next game.

Fuck this DLC, this was my fist time EVER buying a DLC for ANYTHING and thanks to this its probably my last. So thank you Re:Mind, for ReMinding me why I never bought DLCs in the first place.

Ps - Im so glad playable Kairi was optional, thats one of the only things this DLC did right.

#kh3 remind spoilers #kh3 #kingdom hearts 3 #anti-sokai #anti-kairi

17 notes · View notes

kinktae · 4 years

Note

holy crap!! I just noticed y/n’s family in bitchin is like stranger things !!!! I love that sm omg love it so far btw ♡

YESSSS thank u for noticing!! I have a lot of fun with writing bitchin i do hehe

(warning: literal 80 asks under the cut)

Anonymous said: not @ me reading bitchin’ during math literally SLAMMING YHE DESK

crystalsnowd said: I LOVED BITCHINNNN OMG UR SO TALENTED I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT PART

Anonymous said: I was going to stay up to wait for Bitchin but I went to sleep instead because today is my first day of school (second year of university) so I decided to get sleep while I still could. Also I read the update on the train sitting next to a random lady and I really hope she didn’t look over at my phone lol. I loved the update and I can’t wait for the rest of the series!!!

Anonymous said: OMG BITCHIN WAS SO GOOD! You're such an amazing writer!!!

jun-sohyunnie-dotnet said: Just an fyi, bitchin' jk is my FAVORITE jk I've ever had the pleasure of reading. Ever. He could stomp all over me and I'd thank him profusely. (And you're writing is absolutely captivating 🥺💕💕)

sugarkinky said: Bitchin just wrecked me for real, U ARE AWESOME ROSE mierda que te amo chica ¿cómo consigues escribir así? Eres perfecta ❤

Anonymous said: Bruh bitchin was everything I wanted and more thank u baby

Anonymous said: Bitchin’ is amazing! I have so many feelings ahhhh!!! I love you and your work 🥺

awkwardaegyo said: YOU HAVE GOT ME SO THIRSTY FOR JUNGKOOK FUCKIN PARCHED D-HYDRATED IF YOU WILL BITCHIN HAS GOT ME FUCKEC UP!!!!!

Anonymous said: Bitchin' is literally my favourite fic right now, it's so good! 😍 Can't wait for the next part!!

gardenofrosesx said: Im in love with bitchin 🥺💗 I think that the song that represent it so well is Wait a minute by Willow Smith, every time a hear it I imagine this fic💗 I send you thousands of good vibes and love and peace to your side! Keep going 💗

Anonymous said: Ahhhh I just wanted to say bitchin is absolutely amazing and is so well written and I’m just completely hooked!!! YOU DID AMAZING!!! Also is there gonna be angst in future chapters BECAUSE IM REALLY NOT READY IF BOTH JUNGKOOK AND OC DENY THEIR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER

Anonymous said: girl, I finally got around to reading bitchin' and I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T READ IT SOONER. it's been a while since I've found a chaptered fic that kept my interests but I was hooked with pt 1!!! I love your spin on tatbilb, and I love the characters you created. I have to honestly say, I'm also absolutely in love with the way you write. your descriptions and dialogue hit me in all the right places. I can't wait to see where this story takes me. thank you for doing what you do!

Anonymous said: Love Bitchin so far!

Anonymous said: i keep rereading bitchin pt. 5😭😭 love it so much

Anonymous said: hi!! I just wanted to leave an ask and let you know that you’re one of my absolute favorite authors and your work is incredible!! the concept behind your rewind series is so unique and interesting and all of the stories have been wonderful so far. I’m so looking forward to the rest of bitchin’ because it has been so so so good and I love the way that you’re developing the characters and the plot. I hope you have a wonderful day!!

Anonymous said: just finished bitchin 5 and ................ i cant believe how ure able to write jungkook to Life and characterize him in such an attractive way it makes it so artistic and aknejdjdj it’s art it’s everything

Anonymous said: Argh the grind is real! I’m about to start my exams too so we can both be working our asses off! Also Bitchin is such a great series and I wanted to let you know you’re an amazing writer!!! The series made me so emotionally invested in the characters and I can’t get enough of it!! ITS SO GOOODDD THANK YOU FOR WRITING SUCH A MASTERPIECE

sanniinnas said: Hiii! Love your writings soo much! You have such a talent with words! You inspire me as a writer and make me want to learn writing and English better.

Anonymous said: I am seriously laughing from the asks that have been send to you and i cannot wait to read the ff because now i am busy :( also random fact, my biology teacher told us aboit Rosa Franklin and i already knew about her, and all i could keep thinking was bitchin pt5 and i started laughing. They thought i was a maniac 😎🤙

Anonymous said: just wanted to say bitchin’ is *chefs kiss* and i can’t wait for part 7 🥺 i’m not trynna rush you i’m just excited 🥺

nochusbutt said: okay but FIRST OF ALL, YES BITCHIN’ YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. secondly, my name is Rose too I’m so, what? omg yes I literally share a name with a legend. quote me!! 🥰☺️🤪

Anonymous said: Ahhh I am so excited for Bitchin Pt 6!!! No exaggeration this is my all time favorite fic, I think ab it a lot honestly. Whenever I see 80s aesthetic BTS edits I think of Bitchin and lots of love songs make me think of this fic too. I’m not a huge fan of smut but this fic is just so good. The OCs and Jks interactions are precious and I’m obsessed with the 80s theme! I am a huge fan of angst so I am ready to cry my eyes out. Thank you for writing this amazing fic

Anonymous said: aight...time to go re-read bitchin again ....[insert /ah shit, here we go again/ video]

Anonymous said: I CANT WAIT FOR BITCHIN

hear-me-growl said: Wait! Bitchin' is not done?! It's one of my favourite fics ever! I love the whole cliche college vibe, the dialogues are sooo good and the chemistry between Jk and the girl it's just perfect, really. And now you tell me it's not finished.😱 I AM SO EXCITED! you've made my day! Keep up the good work, you are amazing 😍

Anonymous said: AAAAAAAA THE BITCHIN UPDATE WAS SO GOOD !!!!! but also Kiri that bItCh y/n don’t fall for it 🤡😩

Anonymous said: i want sleep but BITCHIN

Anonymous said: IM PUMPED FOR BITCHINYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Anonymous said: Thankyou for updating bitchin sis!!!! But im so sad because this is their first fight(?) i hope they can talk about it and hoping kiri doesnt talk nonsense tp y/n ok :( but I AM GLAD JUNGKOOK REALIZE HE LIKES OC OKEY OKEY! 💜💜💜 sending 💜💜💜💜 to you because you deserve it👏🏼

diortae said: rose I have class in a few minutes and all I can think about is how much I want bitchin jk to raw me what have u DONE

Anonymous said: BITCHIN WAS GREATTTT 🥰 RLLY CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTT 🥺🥺

sunnyoongles said: bitchin is literally so good*chefs kiss* i love angst*chefs kiss* i love drama*chefs kiss* i just love the whole rewind series*chefs kiss*

Anonymous said: BITCHIN’ PART 6 EXCUSE ME STOP TRYING TO HURT MY FEELINGS IM NOT READY FOR THE ANGST

ppampin said: so yesterday i read bitchin pt. 6 three times in a row because it was just so good and now i can't wait to pt. 7 to come out

Anonymous said: Finally got to read bitchin 6, WTF IS GOING ON!? I’m so confused!! Do I trust my so called boyfriend or do I trust “girl code” by my boo’s ex who tried to scare me away from my boo the first time we met ??!!?

Anonymous said: i really need to know something about bitchin 🤔 is kiri a bitch or we don't have feminine rivalry here? help me out rose

Anonymous said: It is almost 1 am in here and I have a morning class but guess who is gonna binge re read all the Bitchin because the last chapter was so good?? 🤔

Anonymous said: I’m so ready for you to break our hearts in bitchin. I live for the angst 😭😭😪

Anonymous said: Rose you are KILLING ME with this story like I'm not even caught up on my favorite TV shows this week but goddammit I still made time for Bitchin' 💕💕💕

cheeky-kookie said: Girl I am sooooo fucking happy with Bitchin' 6. Like I love the small progressions Jungkook is having coming to terms with his actual feelings with Y/N. Also btw, loving the whole Yara/Tae moments going on ;) As always, I'm in love. Thank you for blessing us with this masterpiece

Anonymous said: Rosie !! I just read Bitchin’ and BIIIIITCH you have my feelings on a rollercoaster !!!!!! I’ve never been so invested in a fanfic like this and imma tell you how much I appreciate you for putting your work out on the internet. Especially for free like wtf ! Your writings are some quaLITY shit that I would purchase without hesitation 👌🏽👏🏽 I was wondering if you ever considered going into the writing career ? Anyways have a lovely day 💛💛 -MC

Anonymous said: This ch 6 getting all the attention away from my precious zombie Jungkook 😤 But who am I to say I love Bitchin😂😍 This Kiri better not be playing dirty games we are already not in good terms with her 🧐 And why is nobody talking about the fact that Y/N finally got her event she dreamed of?? Congrats girlll 🎊🎉🥳👌👏

Anonymous said: EXCUSE ME DID I READ THAT U SAID BITCHIN WILL BE ANGSTY FROM HERE ON OUT WBAT MY HEART I CANG FJSHSHDJS

sapphireprinces5 said: I am 1000% not ready for angst between the precious y/n and Jungkook in Bitchin’ omfg i’m honestly terrified and going to buy some tissues from the cvs across the street

Anonymous said: I JUST FINISHED READING BITCHIN 6 AND JUNGKOOK PLS TELL ME THAT JUNGKOOK IS OVER KIRI )))): he couldn’t have been lying about the way he felt for y/n even though it was reheated, right??? I’m SADD. But Rose, you are so beyond talented!!! I love reading your works!!!

Anonymous said: Ok, Rose you gotta let me know if Bitchin’ will have a happy ending, because I don’t know if my emotions can handle an upseti spaghetti ending. Anywho I love you and your writing, everything is chefs kiss. 💗

Anonymous said: bitchin will have 10 parts?????? ma'am u got the power

Anonymous said: OKAY SO BITCHIN’ IS AMAZING AND LIKE— I LOVE (1) DUMB “”””COUPLE”””” Your writing is amazing omg

Anonymous said: Me: already read bitchin completely You: reblogs pt.6 Me: a little refresher wouldn’t hurt 👀

Anonymous said: I wish u the best during your hiatus!!! Take lots of care bby :3 Just wanted to tell you how much I love the 'Bitchin' series, I'm shooketa at how well written it is. Y/N is a really refreshing character, especially as an STEM major myself, it's so relatable to some extent, especially when it comes to appreciating compliments about your inteligence, that really got me, since it's kinda unsual. I hope I found a Jungkook one day then :') jk, but really, I absolutely loved it, you're the best!!!

Anonymous said: hi just so u r aware if u make the end of bitchin’ sad i will cry. that will be on u. my tears will be UR fault.

Anonymous said: i just wanted to say thank you. when bitchin’ came out, there was a part where y/n talks about why she hated her twin sisters. it was comforting to know that i wasn’t alone in feeling uncool or boring. i never brought up my brother because i thought people would see how uncool i was and so i put my effort into school instead. thanks for bringing me comfort and for pushing me to love myself more and to change my viewpoints on the parts of myself i view as boring!!!!! 💛💛💛💛💛💛🌼

this made me :’))) i love knowing that you can find comfort in my characters!!! there is a little piece of me in all my characters but I do try to make them all somewhat different so that other people can relate. best of luck lovely!!

purplealiensblog said: Yo ily and cant wait for the next chapter of bitchin but i have to share: i got a notif on a new chapter and was all excited and then i discover its tumblr being glitchy again and notifying me on the last one :( i hope you will find time soon to write the rest and thank you for writing i love your work🥰♥️

Anonymous said: BITCH I JUST FINISHED READING BITCHIN IN JUST ONE DAY AND NOW I’M CRYING BECAUSE THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE FIC OF ALL TIME!!!.!.!.! (also sorry my bad englisheu i’m not native lmao)

Anonymous said: HELLO LOVELY AAAAAAAA IM HAPPY YOURE BACK 😩 are u reallyback tho? Hehe im so shookt with the new chapter of bitchin’ has me yearning for more😭 im def a proud bitchinator😔👏 tHANK YOU FOR THIS GIFT BEFORE CHRISTMAS😃 WE LOVE U!!!!💜 we MISSED YOU!! 💜 i hope u are loved and happy and cared for! 💜K

Anonymous said: Hi there !!I hope your doing well ! Taking your time to recover and work on yourself I literally just finshed bitchin to the last update and oof I just gotta tell you what the f How do you write the characters so well... I love me some good characterization like oof ICANNOT JJK IS SO I WANNA SMOOSH HIM IN MY ARMS LIKE PLEASE THE STORY IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING HAHA I HOPE IM NOT SCARING YOU WITHMY CAPSLOCK I just wish to sincerely get my excitement across hahaha I love you boo take care x

nonecesitodenadie said: I rarely send asks but... I'm reading bitchin and I'M LOVING IT, really it's amazing i hope that you can continue it, i send you much love and thanks for your work you're so talented 🥺❤️

Anonymous said: can i just say bitchin' is honest to god such a good good good fic like i'm so in l*ve with it 😩 i've probably reread it thrice waiting for a new update ): i also happen to love your other works so much as well!!

sydney--chan said: Okay so no cap yesterday I was talking to my friend (who also reads your work) about me and my bf n she was like "he loves you the way Bitchin' jk loves Y/N aND I SOBBED ROSE IT MADE ME CRY FOR HOURS

usagionthem00n said: Lol I know you’ve been kinda quiet on here BUT IM HERE TO PLATONICALLY HARASS U???(tbh idk I’m just trying to find a reason to bother you) I-I miss u 👉👈 HOPE THIS POST MADE U SMILE ILL BE BACK BITCH (Um speaking of bitches I still need to join the bitchinators :/) I PROMISE ILL GET TO IT!!!

Anonymous said: HIIII! so, one night I spent about two hours trying to find another great Jungkook story... I was losing hope in finding one BUT THEN I FOUND “BITCHIN” and omg it’s amazing, I absolutely love it!!!!! take care always, have a great day!! thank you for creating such a beautiful story.

Anonymous said: Can I just say.... bitchin is so good! like it’s been so long since I’ve liked a fic as much as bitchin??!!? Everything about it has me like :)))) so yes just wanted to let u know hehe

Anonymous said: IM ACTUALLY OBSESSED W THE “BITCHIN” SERIES YOU DONT EVEN KNOW 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

SO MANY OF U LOVIN ON BITCHIN!! MAYHAPS IM OVERWHELMED (in the best way possible). Thank u everyone who sent an ask in, i am the happiest bean in bed rn reading all these asks C:

#ask #I DID ITTTTT #jk tho there are actually a few more ones about bitchin but imma make another post I think #Anonymous

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finding-jericho-blog · 5 years

Text

Same Difference (Part Two)

characters: RK900(dbh) x human fem!reader, Gavin Reed

warning(s): Graphic language

word count: 2,287 words

A/N: I am SO sorry this took so long, I know this update is kind of out of nowhere! A lot of things have been happening in my life and trust me, you don’t want to know. But ANYWAY, I hope you enjoy part two! Hopefully I’ll be more active and getting back into the swing of things. Thank you guys so much for your patience. <3

Part One

Time seemed to pass far too slowly as the hours dragged on; Hank reminded you for the third time that you didn’t have to be here, but there was no way in hell that you were leaving him to deal with this on his own. You knew Hank was more than capable of taking care of himself, but the thought of him going out on a case with no one to watch his back that he could really, truly trust? You couldn’t do that, even if being here was dredging up things you wish you could just forget. Although you dared not sneak another glance in the RK900’s direction, you were hyper aware of his cool eyes trained on you with laser focus; he was analyzing you. Studying you. Observing your every movement. After all, neither you nor Hank had said a word to him or given him any task to perform, it was the perfect opportunity to familiarize himself with you both. This was the fourteenth time you’d threaded your fingers through your hair, the eleventh time Lieutenant Anderson had heaved out a heavy sigh. It would not have taken a highly advanced prototype to see that the both of you were on edge, and while the RK900 only knew what information was necessary concerning what had occurred with his predecessor, he had already worked out that it had been a particularly traumatic experience. Neither of you could bear to look him in the eye, and the rest of the department stole sideways glances and shared hushed whispers that they didn’t think he could hear. He could. “I can’t believe the captain assigned that thing to Hank again.” “Especially after what it did to [Y/N].” The RK900’s gaze darted back towards you. What had the previous Connor model done to you that he had not done to Lieutenant Anderson? For only the briefest of moments, he considered asking, but his social relations program warned him that doing so may result in the damaging of an already tense relationship, and so he refrained. All that he had been told was that the RK800 had attempted to neutralize his human associates when he perceived that they were interfering with his mission. His commitment to completing his mission had not been faulty, he recalled Amanda explaining this to him just before his deployment. In the grand scheme of things, the lives of two humans mattered very little when compared to the importance of putting an end to the deviancy crisis. But CyberLife did not wish to risk damaging their affiliation with the Detroit Police Department; their cooperation was imperative in helping stop the deviancy crisis once and for all, and their resources were a true asset. Therefore, decommissioning the RK800 series was a necessary, yet temporary, setback. It took very little time for CyberLife to presumably fix the errors the RK800 series had exhibited, creating the RK900 series using resources that they already had as well as newly acquired technology. He was better than the RK800 series in every conceivable way, and yet.. A sudden shift in your weight drew him out of his thoughts, and he watched as you slipped off the edge of Lieutenant Anderson’s desk, raising your arms above your head to stretch out your aching muscles; his LED swirled a diligent yellow as he watched. “I’m getting a coffee,” you announced, though he knew you were addressing your uncle, and not the RK900 himself. “want one?” “Sure,” came the gruff response, though he didn’t bother to glance up from his work, perhaps not wanting to risk accidentally making eye contact with the android across from him. “I could get it for you.” Both of pairs of human eyes snapped over towards the RK900 as if surprised, though he could not imagine why; his own pale eyes shifted between the both of you as you turned to glance at one another. As if neither one of you heard his offer, Hank’s gaze darted back down to the scattered papers, and you stiffly turned on your heel, retreating to the break room without another word. The android’s eyebrows furrowed as he watched you go. Yes.. he was better than the RK800 series in every conceivable way, and yet.. it was clear to him that you could only see his predecessor when you looked at him. Although you were far from out of the RK900’s line of sight, you were relieved to be out from under his scrutinizing gaze, if only for a short while. Your hands pressed into the counter as you leaned against it, allowing your tired eyes to slip shut momentarily as the coffee brewed. The way he looked at you reminded you of Connor for what you were sure would not be the last time; he was trying to learn you, to figure you out as though you were some complicated equation that desperately needed solving. That’s all that you’d been to Connor, and once he’d figured you out, he used you to get to Hank, to ensure that his mission went smoothly. You had gotten too comfortable with who you had thought Connor was-- you could have never known that by admitting that you thought destroying the deviants was morally wrong, he would consider you a possible interference. You should have kept him at arm's length; you should have known that he wasn’t like other androids. You should have- “You alright?” Your eyes snapped open and your head shot upwards, turning to meet the pale blue eyes of a familiar detective, and not one you liked all too well. “I don’t really care, but you’re in front of the coffee machine and I’m just wondering how long your breakdown is going to last.” “Shut the fuck up, Gavin.” His lips twisted upwards into a smug, mocking smile as he took a step nearer to you, prompting you to step back in disgust, not wishing to have him anywhere near you. Nonchalantly, he stopped the coffee you had been brewing half-way, pouring it into a cheap styrofoam cup, and speaking all the while he did so. “I saw that Fowler assigned that bucket of bolts back to your uncle. It’s kind of fucked up when you think about it.” You watched in silence as he lifted the cup to his haggard face, pausing to smell the dark roast before taking a tentative sip. “I mean, we all know how you felt about the first one.” Your hands balled into fists as he seemed to appraise the coffee, before carelessly dumping it out into the nearby sink with a shrug; if looks could kill, Gavin would absolutely be six feet under. “I don’t like this kind.” “What do you want?” You muttered under your breath, your voice dangerously low. You were in no mood to deal with Gavin’s little mind games, and the way he turned to smirk at you made it clear that he hadn’t come here for coffee; he came to gloat. “What’s the matter, did I strike a nerve?” When you only clenched your jaw and glared daggers at him, he shrugged easily, holding his hands up, palms facing you. “I’m just saying it’s messed up is all. Do you think he still remembers everything? Maybe he’s just biding his time and will actually finish the job this time around.” His voice sounded mockingly optimistic as he said this. Although you shouldn’t have been shocked by this, you felt a sting of disbelief when you realized that he meant that he hoped the RK900 would actually kill you and your uncle this time. Part of you wondered if he actually meant that, or if he was just trying to get under your skin; regardless, you were seething.

As you opened your mouth, perhaps to say something you might have regretted (then again, perhaps not), a third voice interrupted you, cutting you off. “Is there a situation here?” Every muscle in your body seized, ice running through your veins at the unprecedented closeness of Connor’s replacement; you could scarcely breathe. The RK900 stood at your side and narrowed his pale eyes on Gavin, overlooking you momentarily in favor of staring the detective down. The man arched his eyebrows, wholly unconcerned by the android’s sudden appearance; in fact, he seemed to find it amusing as he looked between you and prototype. “Not at all.” he replied smoothly, his eyes drifting across across the android; sizing him up. The RK900 only watched him curiously, canting his head to one side. “And even if there was, it’d be none of your fucking business, tin man.” “I would have to disagree, Detective. Hank Anderson is my business, and by extension, so is Miss [Y/L/N]. I would be appreciative if you did not antagonize her.”

Gavin laughed; it was a bitter, hollow sound that put you on edge, and the android at your side seemed to notice your sudden apprehension. He peered over at you, momentarily forgetting Gavin; instead, he observed your uncertain visage, your barely parted lips and wide eyes. “You’d be appreciative, huh?” The detective repeated mockingly, and before you could even think to warn the android that he shouldn’t have taken his eyes off Gavin, the man’s hands shot forwards. He gathered up the fabric of the RK900’s coat into tight fists, jerking him downwards to meet his gaze; the LED on his temple circled red despite his unimpressed countenance.

“That’s enough, Gavin, let him go!” You hissed, the words shooting past your lips before you could stop them; you reached out to grab the one of the man’s sleeves in some feeble attempt to pull him off of the android. Perhaps the part of you that still cared for Connor, despite what he had done, drove you to defend his replacement. Some small, weak part that you hated, that you wished had died when Connor had. As much as you could barely stand to look at the RK900, you were still helpless against him.

It disgusted you.

“Listen here, you plastic fuck.” He spat, completely ignoring your demands to let the RK900 go. “No android is going to tell me what I can and cannot do, do you understand me? Or do I have to beat it into that thick fucking skull of yours?”

“For God’s sake Gavin, just let him go.”

The RK900 only watched Gavin with total disinterest, his eyes half-lidded in an almost condescendingly unconcerned expression. For one long, tense moment, the detective glared up at the prototype, and you thought for a moment that perhaps he was going to attack him, but without warning, Gavin’s hands were finally releasing his black and white jacket, wrenching his own sleeve out of your grasp; he chuckled breathily, as though it had all been some kind of elaborate prank, before shaking his head and taking few steps backwards. “They didn’t change a goddamn thing about you, did they? You can polish a turd, but it’s still a piece of shit.” Turning away swiftly, Gavin’s footfalls carried him just a bit outside the break room, but then he paused, glancing over his shoulder briefly. “[Y/N], I’d watch my back if I were you.” Then, he continued on until he was out of sight.

You knew it wasn’t that Gavin cared; he didn’t care about anything other than himself and his career, you really didn’t think he was capable of caring about anyone else. He just wanted you to be afraid, and despite knowing that… you were. The truth was, you were afraid of the RK900; it didn’t matter if CyberLife said they fixed the errors and fitted him with the newest technology. At the end of the day, he was still a deviant hunter, and you still thought the deviants should be left alone. He was still dangerous… maybe even more so than Connor ever had been.

“Are you alright?” Your eyes snapped upwards to the android in question; his almost silvery irises watched you cautiously, his LED having shifted back to a preoccupied gold; he was scanning you, checking your vitals you were sure. You had thought it was sweet when Connor had done it, because you thought his concern for your well-being had come from a place of genuine care. Really, though, it had been out of necessity and convenience; if you had been unwell, it would have slowed him down. Knowing Connor’s replacement was doing the same left a bad taste in your mouth, to say the least.

“Just leave me alone.” You retorted harshly, eyes narrowing in disdain. “I don’t need your help.” With that, you left the replacement and returned to your uncle empty-handed, but he didn’t seem to mind or even ask why you hadn’t gotten the coffee you had left for to begin with.

The RK900 remained where you had left him, canting his head ever so slightly to the side with a thoughtfully knitted brow. Despite your apparent abhorrence to his presence here, you had attempted to defend him from Detective Reed, and he was beginning to create theories as to why, exactly. From all the information he had gathered, it seemed to the newest prototype that you and Lieutenant Anderson had been quite fond of the RK800, but that he had betrayed that fondness by attempting to take the both of you out. You, the RK900 hypothesised, had been closest to Connor, and perhaps you had just as much as trouble separating your anger and hurt from the RK900 as you did your previous admiration. Curious, he thought, watching you plant yourself up on Lieutenant Anderson’s desk once more, threading your fingers through your hair for the fifteenth time.

Very curious.

Taglist;

@akemiikeda, @deviantramblings, @deviantsupporter, @connorshero, @shadows-echoes, @treehousemagicblog

#RK900 #RK900 x reader #nines x reader #nines #x reader #dbh #detroit: become human #dbh nines #dbh rk900 #dbh reader #imagine

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strawberry-milktea · 6 years

Text

Anonymous said: i'm being hit with those doubts again, but this time they're aimed at Christ's death and resurrection. my friends suggested i do research to back up my faith, but im afraid i'll lose it before i can find answers. my faith feels so weak. and it's frustrating. i never wanted this to happen. if this could be answered privately i'd appreciate that a lot <33 thanks these doubts have not gone away, and i think they're winning. i'm questioning God's existence more and more. what do i do? im sorry i've been bombarding your inbox but im. pretty worried about this. i think my doubts are winning. they're here so much and so hard and i think im crumbling. you said that the devil can get believers to commit apostacy and im afraid that's what's happening. i don't know how to stop this. i don't even know what's going on with me anymore. my dad, who's been a devout Christian my whole life, doesn't even have any answers for me anymore. and today, there were times i didn't feel afraid but that's what's worrying me. i should be terrified, so why arent i? does this mean im not caring anymore? i've been praying to God so much to fix this but what if He cant? what if im on my own --- No need to apologize! I’m sorry for not being able to respond before now. Things have been a bit hectic these past couple of weeks and I had been trying to work on some older messages in my inbox to be fair. I kind of try to have a balance between the order I receive messages and which ones seem more urgent in nature. Since you didn’t send this on anon and asked for the messages to be kept private, I thought it would be best to group all of your messages together and answer them in one post. I hope that is okay. I recently saw a post going around on Tumblr sharing this blog, which provides links to series of articles about evidence for Christ’s resurrection. I didn’t get to read all of the articles, but what I have read so far seems to be written with a lot of detail and care. I plan to continue reading it and figured I would share this now with you so you can start reading, too. I hope it is helpful to you! This is another post I think is very well-written. In case you haven’t seen it before, I thought it would be good to include here as well. One of the enemy’s goals is always to convince people to commit apostasy. If a person holds firm onto their faith in Christ, there’s nothing the enemy can do. He can keep trying to launch attacks, but he can’t destroy that person’s eternal life if they hold tight onto their belief in Christ. And he also will eventually flee/let up on the attacks when you keep standing up strong in Christ and don’t give into his lies. Of course, he usually tries again at other points and maybe even using different forms of attacks when he sees the old tactics aren’t working anymore. The enemy is always prowling looking for a means to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10, 1 Peter 5:8). But as Jesus said in John 10:10 - despite the enemy’s desire to see us destroyed, Jesus came to bring us life and salvation through His blood shed on the cross. And He doesn’t expect us to stand against these attacks alone. You are never on your own. I want you to throw that lie right out of your mind because it’s garbage straight from the enemy’s mouth. Like every single person in this world, you’re facing the unseen spiritual battle that’s always going on, and the form you’re experiencing it now is these crippling doubts. But this isn’t something that is too big for the Lord to handle. Death could not defeat Christ, the grave couldn’t hold Him back. Do you think that helping you overcome these doubts is too difficult for Him? With God, all things are possible. If I can ask, are you doing anything else to fight this in addition to prayer (which is very important, so I am glad to hear that you are doing that too)? In other words, are you equipping yourself with the Armor of God? You need to be wearing that armor. If you are in battle and don’t have armor on, what happens? You’re a vulnerable and easy target. For spiritual battle, you need to be wearing the Armor of God. It’s absolutely critical and necessary. There’s nothing wrong with researching/seeking evidence for the resurrection. However, you also need to reach a point where you make the effort to stop entertaining and dwelling on the enemy’s lies. I know it can be incredibly difficult to resist his attacks and not listen to lies that hit you right in the spots you’re weak, but it has to be done. You can’t allow him to harass you like this. Like I mentioned above, God can most certainly help you with this - but if you keep believing the lies that are being thrown at you, it’s going to be very difficult for you to lean on Him and trust Him to carry you through this. You know you are being attacked.. you know that the devil’s goal is for you to be an apostate. The extent that the enemy’s attacks can influence you is largely dependent on what you allow. The enemy can surely keep trying to attack, but you have the freewill to accept that attack lying down or fight all you can while relying on Christ. The devil is already defeated from when Christ died on the cross - these attacks are all he has left. The enemy may launch an attack, but we decide whether or not we accept the lie. We decide whether or not to act on the temptation he throws our way. Don’t ever fall into the trap of believing that the enemy is too strong for you to fight back and win when you have Christ. I’m not sure if you saw the post I made earlier in the week, but I found this sermon on spiritual attacks to be very helpful. Maybe you will, as well. I’m not sure if I mentioned this in one of my responses to a past ask from you or someone else, so I’m sorry if this is a repeat of something I already said to you - but I experienced doubts when I was very new and spiritually young in my faith. I would frequently get attacked this way when I read the Word or listened to worship music (which in hindsight, makes it all the more obvious it was the enemy instigating it) and it would make me feel very distressed. But I forced myself not to dwell on these lies, kept reading the Word/listening to worship music, and eventually this stopped happening all together. You need to do this, too. It’s hard for me to know exactly why you get moments of not feeling afraid. Are you experiencing a sense of peace in those moments that you can attribute to Him? Or is it more like emotional numbness? Based on these messages, it doesn’t sound to me like you don’t care anymore. It actually sounds like you do care, a lot. I hope this helped you.. please let me know if you would like to talk about this more.

#God #asks #anon #doubt #fear #spiritual attacks

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queen-of-deans-booty · 6 years

Text

All Hell Breaks Loose Part One- Part 3

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,932

Warnings: Typical Supernatural violence, language, angst, minor character death, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. If you’re a junkie for this sort of thing, then a tag list is the right thing for you! If you want to be a Queen, I’ll add you to that list too! Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

AHHHH This season is almost done!!!!! Just ONE more episode left! If you’ve been catching along with this series, this and the next episodes is what I wan to hear your thoughts on!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

You jolted up with a gasped, seeing how it was morning already. You were glad no one killed or tried to kill you in your sleep. You woke up to Jake screaming at you and Sam to wake up. You looked over at Sam to see him jolt awake from the nightmare he probably had.

“Sam! Y/N! Wake up! Ava is missing!” Jake said, his eyes wide. That got you and Sam right up and the three of you rushed outside to go find her.

“Y/N will come with me and Jake, just try and find her.” Sam ordered, splitting from Jake before he had a chance to say anything else. You followed Sam, looking in the other houses and buildings that littered the town.

“She isn’t here.” You said, giving up. There were so many buildings here, you doubted she went this far out.

“Okay, let’s go back.” Sam said, walking back to the barn where he agreed to meet Jake at. As you got closer, you head an ear-splitting scream that came from Ava. It seemed as if she was back at the barn already.

You and Sam rushed to the barn, busting in. You gasped in horror and grabbed at Sam’s arm from what you saw. Ava, crying her eyes out at the fact that Andy was now lying in a pool of his own blood, dead.

“Oh! Sam! I just found him like this!” Ava screamed dramatically, making you narrow your eyes at her.

“What the hell happened?” He demanded.

“I don’t know!” Her voice squeaked up a bit.

“Cut the bullshit act, Ava.” You said with a glare. She glared at you, taking a step towards you.

“Excuse me? Our friend is dead!”

“Friend? Sam, come on. She is being such a drama queen right now. I am an expert on fake crying and that, right there, was an example of this. She did this to Andy! She killed him!” You said, accusing her.

“How dare you think I did this!” Ava yelled at you.

“Come on, Y/N, I don’t think we should blame her.” Sam started to say.

“Sam, you know how good I am when it comes to lying. I know she is lying,” You said, looking at the window sill behind Sam and nodding. You pointed to it and made Sam look. “How else do you explain the break in the salt? Andy wouldn’t do it, not when he was always scared of what was happening.”

“You believe her, Sam?” Ava asked, scoffing.

“You know, she’s right. You’ve been here for five months. You’re the only one with all that time you can’t account for. Plus, that headache you got? Right when the demon got Lily.” Sam said, putting you behind him. Ava went from this scared, overdramatic girl to one who was laughing, wiping the tears from her face.

“I had you two going, though, didn’t I? Yeah, I’ve been here a long time. However, I was never alone. People just kept showing up. Children, like us who came in batches of three or four at a time.” She said with a smile.

“You killed them? All of them?” Sam asked, horrified.

“I’m the undefeated heavyweight champ.” Ava said, proudly.

“Oh, my God.” You muttered. If only looks could kill…

“I don’t think God had much to do with this, Y/N.”

“How could you?” Sam asked, shocked still.

“I had no choice. It's me or them. After a while, it was easy. It was even kind of fun. I just stopped fighting who we are, Sam. If you'd just quit your hand-wringing and open yourself up, you have no idea what you can do. The learning curve is so fast, it’s crazy, the switches that just flip in your brain. I can’t believe I started out just having dreams. Do you know what I can do now?”

“Control demons.” You said.

“Ah, you’re quick which is good. You aren’t going to make it out of here alive, Y/N. It’s either going to be me, Jake or Sam who will kill you and I can guarantee that.” She raised her hand and you looked behind you to see the cloud of black smoke come through the window again.

Before anything could happen, Jake came up behind Ava and grabbed her head, snapping her neck easily, killing her. The demonic smoke left back out the window, glad not to be controlled anymore. You gasped and watched as he dropped her body like it was nothing.

He looked up and stared at you, the evil glint you saw when you first met him was now back in his eyes.

“Sam, come on.” You said, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the barn. Jake chuckled and he followed you two, murder in his eyes.

“Jake, whatever you’re thinking, don’t. The demon is gone now. I think we can leave.” Sam said, seeing the look in his eyes. He had eyes for you but he wanted to murder you since it was what he was told to do.

“No, only one of us is making it out of here alive and it’s going to be me. But first, she needs to die. I had a vision of the Yellow-eyed Demon. He told me what needs to be done and I have to follow his orders or I will be the one to die and that isn’t happening.”

“No, Jake, you can’t listen to him. He lies, Y/N isn’t going to die. Neither of us will. We are going to get out here. We can kill that bastard together.” Sam tried to reason with him.

“How do I know you won’t turn on me?” He asked, unsure. You thought it would be best if you kept quiet, afraid of triggering something in him. He was already much stronger than you so it wouldn’t be a fair fight.

“We won’t, Jake.” You said very gently.

“I don’t know that.”

“Okay, look,” Sam said, taking the knife you found earlier and showed Jake, placing it on the ground to show some peace between the three of you. “Just come with us, Jake. Don’t play into his games. You’ll end up dead.”

After a moment or two, Jake nodded and placed his weapon on the ground next to Sam’s. You had a feeling this wasn’t over yet and that feeling proved to be true when Jake punched Sam. Jake, already being super duper strong, sent Sam flying through the air, crashing on the ground.

“Sam!” You yelled, glaring at Jake who was walking to you.

“You’re turn sweetheart. I’ll make it quick because you seem like a nice girl but this has to be done.” He said, getting closer to you. Panic surged through your veins and you didn’t know what to do. The weapons were behind Jake and Sam wasn’t much help right now. He will kill you if he got his hands on you.

You felt yourself panicking even more when he got closer and you shot your hands out to protect yourself. A burst of magic left your hands, hitting Jake right in the stomach, sending him toppling over. You gasped, thinking how you thought only anger or Dean being hurt would make this magic come out. But you guess panic will do the same thing.

Good to know.

You rushed to Sam, sliding on the ground when you got close enough to him. He groaned and looked at you, sitting up.

“Sam, we have to go.” You looked up to see and even more pissed off Jake come storming to you. He realized that he needed to get rid of Sam before he can get to you. You barely got Sam up on his feet when you felt the wind being knocked out of you.

Jake had used half of his strength to push you away from Sam, throwing in a few punches. Sam had enough of this and he punched back, fighting with Jake. You tried to catch your breath and you looked up to see Jake and Sam fighting, Jake winning.

You groaned and forced yourself to get on your feet, looking around until you spotted the weapons on the ground. You looked back at Jake and Sam, knowing Sam could hold his own for a while. You slowly moved to the weapons, keeping an eye on Jake who seemed to be too busy with Sam to even notice you.

You grabbed the iron rod that Jake carried instead of the knife. You didn’t want to kill him, no, just knock him out until you figured out what to do with him. You finally got enough air in your lungs to start running and when Sam looked like he had enough, you raised the rod, striking Jake on the head very hard.

You made sure not to kill him but he did go down, unconscious. You dropped the rod and then that’s when you heard it.

“Y/N! Sam!” You looked up and smiled when you saw Dean and your dad, with flashlights.

“Dean!” You were so glad he was okay. You grabbed Sam’s arm and put it over your shoulder to help him walk since he was weak from the beating he took.

“Dean! Bobby!” Sam said with a weak smile, slowly but surely walking closer to them.

“Sam! Y/N! Look out!” You only had enough time to turn your head to see Jake coming at you with the knife. Your eyes widened and you shoved Sam out of the way so he wouldn’t get hurt. You were going to use your magic but it was too late.

You froze when the blade of the knife sliced through your body, coming out the other end. You gasped and looked down, seeing the bloody tip of the blade that was right through your chest. Jake twisted the knife and you gurgled up blood as he pulled you closer.

“I told you, you weren’t leaving here alive.” He said before taking the blade out and running away.

“No!!!” Dean yelled, making a run for you as you fell to the ground and on your knees. You knew what was going to happen next but you weren’t sure if Dean or even Sam was ready for that. Dean slid to the ground in front of you, seeing how pale you looked.

He grabbed at your shirt, trying to get you to look at him but you could feel your life slipping away. Sam rushed and got up, not caring about himself as he checked your wound.

“Dean, it’s bad.” Sam said. Dean pressed his hand over your wound but the blood kept pouring out. You leaned forward in Dean’s arms, too weak to hold yourself up.

“Hey, Y/N, look at me, okay? It’s not that bad. Don’t listen to Sam. Y/N! Y/N, please look at me,” Dean said with tears in his eyes., You so badly wanted to look at him but you didn’t; couldn’t. “Don’t worry, we’re going to patch you right up. You’re going to be as good as new.” Dean touched your face but you were just on the brink of death. You watched as Bobby ran after Jake, leaving you alone with Sam and Dean.

“Dad…” You said as you took your last breath. Your body slumped forward in Dean’s arms as your eyes slid close, lying in Dean’s arms.

“No! No, no, no, no, no, Oh, God, Sammy! Sam! Do something! No!!!” Dean yelled, letting the tears fall freely. There was nothing Sam or even Dean could do now.

You were dead.

The Queens:

@maddieburcham1 @ginamsmith @mogaruke @whit85-blog @inlovewithbja @spn67-sister @kdfrqqg @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes @roxyspearing @supercalifragilistic26 @mishamigose @cobrakai1967 @essie1876 @wishedworld @crispychrissy @laqueus-ludovicus @nostalgic-uncertainty @jerk-bitch-and-an-angel @potterhead1265 @starswirlblitz @untitled39887 @ta-n-ja @deans-fallen-angel-boy @scarletluvscas @notnaturalanahi @tahbehonest @stay-in--place @dreaminofdean @posiemax @donnaintx @mikey1822 @alexandriajanae4 @li-ssu @just-another-winchester @obsessivecompulsivespn @emoryhemsworth @newtospnfandom @mizzezm @goldenolaf25 @jessikared97 @wh1sp3r1ng-impala @charliebradbury1104 @queen-of-moons-peace-out-bitches @becs-bunker @atc74 @lemonchapstick

The Dean Beans:

@akshi8278 @mega-mrs-dean-winchester @winchesterandpie @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @carribear31 @tacklesackles @oreosatmidnight @not-naturalfangirl @missselinakitty @iam-a-cutiepie @kristendansmith @milo-winchester-4ever @jensenackesl @codyshany316 @pheonyxstorm @helllonearth @juniorhuntersam @pouterpufftrain @ruprecht0420 @shut-ur-face-and-get-in-the-car @carriemichelle2012 @aubreystilinski

Series Rewrite Junkies:

@helllonearth @amyisabellal @deanwnchstr @caseykitten6 @quixoticcat @supernaturalblogging @notmoose45 @crowleysminion @mina22 @tahbehonest @hadleymcallister2177 @destielsangels @spnhybrid @oreosatmidnight @valerieshubin @seninjakitey @flyonlittlewinchester @aubreystilinski @rocketqueeens @emilygracespellins @earthtokace

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teenliterati · 6 years

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How is it that February is almost over? January felt like 6 months in itself and this month felt like its been a week. My sense of time is all messed up!

Continuing my theme of all things fluffy and lovey-dovey, this week I’m going to be talking about my favorite OTP’s, which stands for “one true pairing.” So basically I’m going to talk about all the relationships that make me emo.

You all know that feeling, right? The envy that sits deep in your gut that two characters have each other but also the incredibly happy feeling because they’re perfect together. Just me? Ah, okay well...

1. Aelin and Rowan from the Throne of Glass series by Sarah J. Maas

I just finished re-reading the ToG series and I realized how little I appreciated Rowan and Aelin’s relationship. Of course I was all for them being together, me being the hopeless romantic that I am, but the second time around I saw how truly important their relationship is. Not only are they carranam and mates but they’re...soulmates, twin-flames, etc. I dont think there is a word to describe how great they are. They fought their way out of the darkest places in their minds together. They rediscovered who they are together. They dream of a better world because they are together. Everyone says that you love people wholly, despite their faults and flaws and Aelin and Rowan are the epitome of that idea. They accept each other for their pasts and stick together no matter what happens. Whenever they say “to whatever end,” a little part of me breaks because I know they truly mean it.

2. Juliette and Warner from the Shatter Me series by Tahereh Mafi.

Juliette and Warner are living proof that it’s okay to have faith in the “bad boys.” Their relationship was a slow burn fic in itself and you don’t even realize it until the last book. Warner was smitten with Juliette the first time he laid eyes on her and I HATED him for it. He seemed like such a prick, who was pretending to be on her side to get what he wanted. I wanted to protect Juliette from him at all costs. BUT, that all changed when we learned how much of soft boy Warner really is. Can we reminisce on when he threw tantrums when he was held hostage? And how he wouldn’t stop until he could see/talk to Juliette? Granted, their relationship didn't start off great, starting with Juliette shooting him. But that’s beside the point. Juliette and Warner bring out the best in each other and I cannot wait to see how they run the world.

3. Lina and Andrius from Between Shades of Gray by Ruta Septys

Just thinking of these two makes my heart hurt. Their relationship is not a typical one, it’s not even a main theme in this story, but it’s extremely important to me nonetheless. Lina and Andrius met in a transportation car while being displaced from their homes in Lithuania. The way their relationship develops isn’t like a typical YA love story, it’s a story about survival. How two teenage kids learned to work together to survive and how to keep others alive by just their wits. Andrius and his mother sacrificed so much for Lina and her family. He snuck her extra food rations, gave her cigarettes, and attempted to teach her Russian. He kept her smiling when she was losing hope on finding her father or ever seeing home again. The fact that they find each other after being transported to separate labor camps shows that they were meant to be.

4. Feyre and Rhysand from A Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J Maas

Do NOT act surprised that you’d find these two in my favorite’s list. They are my number one, absolute FAVORITE duo in the entire world. Their relationship started off kind of like Juliette and Warner’s. Rhysand was the big bad Fae who Feyre hated because Tamlin (her then current love interest) hated. However, Rhysand redeems himself by helping her survive against Amarantha, an evil Fae leader bent on killing her because she loved Tamlin. Rhysand kept her on the brink of life while trapped in the dungeons, and when she actually did die, he convinced the other Fae Lords her life was worth saving. From then on their relationship grows, they become acquaintances to friends to lovers because he saves her from her toxic life in the Spring Court and she sees the man Rhysand really is. Someone who loved her this entire time, but hid it because he wanted her to choose where her happiness came from. AHHHHHH, how can you not love their story?!

5. Calla and Ren from the Nightshade series by Andrea Cremer

So my last couple, aren’t actually a couple. This is my only form of protest, that Calla and Ren should have been the end result to a frustrating love triangle. In the beginning of Nightshade, Calla and Ren are being groomed to become the next leaders of the Nightshade pack, two strong alphas to lead future packs. However, Calla didn’t want that, she questioned the life that was being laid out for her and when she met someone who disrupted that life, she wanted it. She ended up with human scion Shay, someone who she and Ren were supposed to kill on their wedding night as a way to start their new life as pack leaders. Shay ALWAYS gave me the weirdest vibes; he was insecure for the longest time then became annoyingly prideful when he “got the girl.” Ren was a jerk in the beginning, but he was only that way because he didn’t know any better. Calla made him a better person by opening his eyes to a new, free life and he was willing to fight to get away with Calla because he still wanted to be with her. Ren didn’t deserve what he got in the end (which I cant say because I’ll spoil the entire series) and HE SHOULD HAVE ENDED UP WITH CALLA.

There are so many more power couples that I love, but if I named all of them, this post would be too long and I’d be in a puddle of my own tears.

Who are some of your favorites? Let me know!

As always, happy reading! x.

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scarionettesfm · 6 years

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SAF SFM Betrayed All Of Us And Now Attacking Me

Spiro Alien Force SFM, After I Told You All The Awful Things Happened... You Wouldnt Even Care About Your Friends? The Friends You Threwed Away, You Threwed Tr4p-W4lker Away, You Would Even Throw Away Old TF2 Friends And Now Calfox? All Because They're In You Most Saddest And Un-Excusable Reason 'Because their Annoying'? What Happened If That Happened to you? All Your Friends Left You To Rot? Would You Know How That Feels? No... Because You Dont Have A Heart, You Dont Even Remember That I Would Remember That 1 Thing You Wanted Me To Promise, Since You Lost Your First Channel From True Report...Honestly SAF, There Was A Reason Why You Lost your First Channel. But Sadly I Cant Tell You Anymore...Because You Hurted All Our Old Friends As If They Are Obseleted To You, Our Old Friends Are Not Obseleted. We're Still Reliable...But You Keep Throwing Us Away. Not To Mention You Hurt Callum, Do You Know How Much That Hurts To See All of Our Old Friends To Suffer? Cry? Beg? Pleading For Good Things Come or Shine Upon Them? No You Dont. Because You Rather Care For Money Than Your Fans... You Were Once Mad At Me Over Because My Channel Was Enough to Get Money... Does It Look Like I Care For Money? NO... I Rather Make My Fans Absolutely Happy, I Love To See My Fans Loving My Series That Is Built From Sweat And Bones...I Still Would Place A Smile For Every Fans I Meet On YouTube Hell Even In DA... I Love My Fans On DA, That Admired My Arts(Other Than Inflation, 95% Of Arts Are Made By Requests. And Just Because I Created These Inflation Fetish Arts...Dosent Mean They Were Asked By Fans.) But No... You Dont Care About Your Fans, SAF. You Became More Selfish After You Illegially Dated 12Foxy12/Paris. You Only Cared About Money... That's Not YouTube. And Since You Backstabbed me And Left Me Behind When I Talked with you Again days Ago.. 12Foxy12 Forced you To Unfriend me... She Even Used Your Lips Like A Ventriloquist And Her Dummy. You Are Like A Dummy To Paris... Why Would You Not See That You Made Our Old Friends suffer? Do You Even Haves Eyes? Cause You Sure Need 800 Contacts Lenses To See Your Brands(SFM Joke). And Now Tr4p W4lker Is In Trouble Because Of You And Striketrap... You Made Him Somethin That Now Got Him In Trouble..He'll Loose His Accounts, That Is Your Fault To Make Tr4p-W4lker Into Somethin That Will Get Him In Trouble...You Even Called Tr4p-W4lker Annoying, Faggot, A Retard, And A Sad Loser... You Dont Even Love Anyone But Yourself SAF... I Wish People Would Their Eyes And See How Much Damage 12 Haves made...And Now Your Attacking On Me And Bluez... You Definitly Broke A Brotherhood, Cause I Supported You Over 4 Years...I Known You For 4 Years, Now You Hurt me And Our Friends...My Friends Will Never Forgive you...But I Can Forgive You Of The Errors Of Your Ways, The Corruption You Brought Into Your Own Heartless Empty Shell... You Are Not The SAF Anymore...Back In 3 Years, You Were A Great Friend...I Even Became Your Personal Communicator...For Anyone That Opposed You, I Speak And Explain What Happened... Since I Do Watch Over You, Like An Angel And His Wings Of Holy... But Now, You Became A Very Horrible Dirt-bag, A Person Who Wants to Lay In The Ground, Wanting to Stay In The Filthy Dirt... I Tried To Give You A Helping Hand To Get Back Up, But You Keep Dropping Yourself, You Keep Pushing Me Back And You Falling Into Hell. But You Push Me To Hell Everytime You Backstab Me, Just Because I Have Black Wings... Dosent Mean I Made Them Black, You And Paris(12Foxy12) Made Them Black... Everybody Wished That 12 Will Face Responsibility Of Her Own Actions..They Wished That Paris Was In Asylum, They Wished That Paris 'Smarten The Hell Up' Because 12Foxy12 Is A 14 Yr Old Brat... And It's her To Blame, Her Parents Were Very Protective, 12Foxy Hates Her Parents.. Paris' Mom And Dad Never Hated Her, 12Foxy12 Always Abuses Her Own Parents (Which Is Called Parental Abuse, It's where The Parent's Child Are Being Abused By Their Own Flesh And Blood) And 12 Can Go To Foster For That. I Wouldnt Really Blame her Parents, She Did Kept Breaking Her Mom's Heart, All 12Foxy12 Does Is Grin With No Heart Of Remorse to Care For Her Family. She Made Some People Break, She made Some People Cut Their Own Wrists...Even Mine, I Cutted My Wrists Because Of 12Foxy12, And Honestly... 12Foxy12/Paris Never Knows What REAL Pain Or Depression Really Means. Bluez Suffers More Than 12Foxy12...EVEN IRL... I Let Bluez Confide Me, I Let Her Cry On My Shoulders... Cause I Have A Heart To Care, My Heart Is As Warm And Bright As A Star, Maybe Even Brighter Than A Star. But Would 12Foxy12 Cared About Bluez's Pain? No, 12Foxy12 only Whines About Her Fake Depressions. She Never Cared About Bluez but Herself. And Never I Felt So Much In Pain To Hear A Tragic Story Of Bluez's. It Sheds Me Tears To See Such A Soul Like Bluez's Be Damaged By A Devil Who Would Threat And Attack her, All Because I Am Protecting Bluez. And If You Dont Like Me Protecting Bluez? Then You Should Look At Yourself In The Mirror, Take A Close Look And What Do You Really See, 12Foxy12? If You Think Your A Nice Girl? Your Not... You've Been A Very Sad, Very Pitty, Very Horrible Woman, Really Satanic Hearted, A Woman Who Would Abuse 11,12, To 9 Yr Olds To Make yourself Feel Better About Yourself...Because Your Heart Is Made Of Hell And Stone, Because Your A Cyberbully...The REAL Cyberbully, Not Bluez, Not My Friends Or Best Friends, Not My Brotherhood... But You, Your The Cyberbully. F.Y.I. You Should Never Judge how Much Friends I Have 12, People Would Say The Same For You IRL... You Have No Friends IRL, You Pushed A Girl Downstairs, YOU COULDA KILLED THAT GIRL! You Said It 12Foxy12... Not Me Not To Mention You Were Choking Someone Too... Why Would You Hurt Your Friends In School? What Have They Ever Done To You, Dudette? You Laughed At Me Having 61 Friends On Steam. It's Not The Amount of friends i have, It's The Strength And Power Of Friends That Will Support Me Better Than You Or Your Slaves You Harvest. The One Best Friend Who Tried Stopping Drama But You Threwed Him Away... The One Best Friend Who Supported Me Better Than SAF SFM, I Always Kept His Promise To Not Mention Him, Cause He Done So Much Nice Things For Me And I Done Nice Things For Him In Return. And That Made Me Proud And Happy That I Made My Fans Smile Again, Made Them Happy. If my Fans Are Happy? I Am Very Happy For Him. And That Is More Powerful Than You 12Foxy12 And SAF SFM. To: Fans From: Scarrionette_SFM, Yours Truly. I Am Still Happy And Proud That My Fans Are With Me Still, You Fans Are Amazing. I Am Touched That My Fans Would Understand That I Am Proud Of My Work. Sincerely, Scarrionette_SFM.

P.S. Thank You For 250 Or More Watchers, I Really Appreciate Your Support, You Guys Are Awesome.

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jamesholden · 7 years

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fading bruises

So... hey. I've been working on this beast for... over a year now. Since before S2 even aired. Originally I was going to write this fluffy piece for @whenimaunicorn between Holden and Amos, where Amos helps him with a mundane task. But when the OT3 ideas entered the mix, it evolved into the beast it is today. Obviously, the ship descriptions in the earlier half of the fic, as well as some noted events, may not line up exactly, since I didn't know where S2 was going. But I think the majority of it still holds up. For the preceding fics in our OT3 series, check out Rachel’s “Join Us”, and the first three parts of “in a lovely constellation”. They’re not necessary, but it might be confusing otherwise.

Please review on ao3 if you can, and thanks for checking this out! Enjoy!

Being free of the medbay is the best gift Holden has been given in years. Sure, his legs are shaky as he makes his way down the ladder, mag boots engaged (just to prove he’s on the mend). Naomi wants him to keep resting before they hit Tycho. He appreciates the thought. The thought of the thought makes him feel warm and almost tingly. Reassures him that things are getting better. But he needs to move. He needs to be alone for just five minutes.

He needs to feel like his world hasn’t changed on levels he’d never expected. Again.

Part of him—most of him—wants to swing into the galley. Make a cup of coffee. Naomi wouldn’t let him, and wouldn’t bring him any. A cruel, vicious woman. The rational part of him, which somehow survived Eros intact, tells him to shower, clean up, wash the grime of sweat, blood, death, and worse off his skin. To make himself feel human again.

Shit.

He pauses. Squeezes his eyes shut. Steadies his legs and his stomach and the tremors threatening to run through him as they have since he’d started healing. He wants to banish any thought of Eros from his mind for the rest of his—likely shortened by radiation exposure—life. They’d never be human again. Whatever they are. Holden takes a few shaky breaths before pushing himself on. He’s almost at the head anyway.

It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust to the glaring lights once they sense his presence in the room. A deep ache grows in his skull. He just holds still by the door until the pain mostly passes and the light is less harsh. The head is meant to accommodate quite a few more crew members then the Roci’s four plus one. Six shower stalls and a bench take up the length of one wall. Two toilet stalls and three urinals take another. Four sinks and a long mirror take up the final wall not broken by the door. It's the nicest facility he's been in in his short careers as a UN naval lieutenant and third-officer on an ice hauler. Thank God for Mars and their fancy high-tech tendencies.

He crosses the room, stripping off the disposable jumpsuit he'd donned for his escape and weakly tossing it onto the bench. He couldn't wait to have real clothes back. Naomi thought it better for him to sweat in something that wasn't his, and he had the good sense to agree with her. He could burn this later. He could wear some Martian’s clothes until they hit Tycho. Or something. He wonders if his shirt and jumpsuit had been salvageable. He steps into the center stall and turns the water on as hot as he can stand.

Holden groans as the scalding water seeps heat into his muscles. It's the best thing he's felt in days. Helps him forget Eros for a second. Helps him forget Eros and the Anubis and… And the ache of the separation between him and two particular members of the crew. Naomi. Amos. He rests his head against the bulkhead and lets water stream over his shoulders and down his back.

His clash with Amos had ruined everything. It went back further than that, and he knows it. But he can't help but bear the brunt of the blame. He'd logged the call. Naomi kept his secret. He’d revealed his role in the Cant’s destruction and Naomi revealed she’d not told Alex and Amos to protect him. Holden nearly killed Amos for threatening to kill the Martians. Amos pulled away from both of them. “You were scared of me”, he'd said to Naomi. Holden certainly was. The thought stung.

Holden had been fairly certain whatever thing they had going was over. That stung worse.

Naomi told him she couldn't in good conscience keep on with him. Not if she wasn't also with Amos. She couldn't take sides like that. She couldn't let Amos think she'd taken their newest addition’s side over his. Holden understood, of course. Once the initial stabbing pain in his heart passed. But in the days since, he'd felt a heavy weight on his chest when he looked at her or thought about her. A similar yet still unique weight settled on him with Amos. Sometimes he saw her trying to reconnect with him. Sometimes it looked like it was working. That made the weight heavier. If they reconciled, would there still be a place for him? She'd laughed with him, teased him and joked with him. Still, it felt like less effort was being put into maintaining their connection. Something was missing from their conversations. When he could get her to have one with him.

He didn't blame her, really. It had been her and Amos before her, Amos, and him. That didn’t reassure him or stop his breath from coming out short at the thought. That and… seeing them kiss again when they thought he wasn’t there didn’t help. The weight creeps in and he rubs hard at his weary eyes to distract himself.

The soap and shampoo are standard-issue MCRN. The crisp, fresh scent is nearly the same as what the UN Navy used. It takes him back years. Back when he was a fresh faced kid from Montana, guilty for leaving his family and the farm but so happy to be free of the weight they both came with. He loses himself in the memory. A younger, happier James Holden showers in an older ship with different crew. He doesn't know what it will be like to throw his career away. What it will be like to bear the weight of the destruction of two ships. What it will be like to feel himself falling into something good and destroying it all in such a short period of time. Holden envies the kid.

Though he must admit, as he massages shampoo into his greasy hair, that maybe hope isn't lost. He'd told Naomi to leave him behind. To give him three hours to follow Miller to the truth on Eros and to leave if he didn't show. She hadn’t. According to Alex, she’d insisted on waiting for him. She hadn’t wanted to leave him behind. “All those bullets flying” and she’d waited. It’s a better feeling than he’d had when he’d thought she’d listened to him and saved Amos and Alex. But that could have been anything. A promise kept, a kindness returned. A debt repaid. It was what she did after that really comforts him now.

Naomi had taken care of him. Not just in the sense that she'd guided him to the medbay, hooked him up to the top of the line machines, took his vitals and adjusted in kind. No, she'd taken care of him. Sat by his side as he'd drifted in and out of sleep, attended to every need without a word between them, talked to him about whatever came to his drug-addled mind. He thinks he dreamed her fingers twining with his on more than one occasion. Warm lips against his forehead as a hand smoothed over his hair. There's still something there. There's still a chance. Maybe she still wants him.

But Amos…

Amos hadn’t been in to see him at all. Holden had barely seen the man since he returned to the Roci. He'd gone right to work on Miller as Holden waited for Naomi to return. They spoke in low voices he couldn't pick up, and as far as he knew, Amos hadn't even spared him another glance. He only breezed through the medbay to check in with Naomi. Holden punches the button on the soap dispenser several times until the stuff fills the palm of his hand. He scrubs vigorously at his skin. He shouldn't take it so personally. Amos had been open about his emotional capacity. Or virtual lack thereof. Still. The opposite reactions from both of his former lovers throws him through a loop he can't get out of.

The emotional highs and lows are too much for him to handle when he's so tired.

Holden rubs absently at his chest, but the ache doesn’t fade. Not all the way. He stands under the water a few moments longer. Enjoys it in place of the warmth he’s missed and craved. He shuts it off before it can shut off on him. The chill on his wet skin wakes him up enough for now. Maybe he can forego the coffee. He turns, ready to step out and grab a towel.

Amos stands just outside the stall, expression torn between amused, aroused, and no emotion at all. Holden yelps, slips back against the bulkhead. The amusement vanishes from the other man’s face.

“Relax, Holden,” Amos mutters, stepping closer and reaching out. “It’s just me.”

Holden sputters, trying to catch his breath and calm his heart. “Jesus, Amos. Make a sound next time.” He breathes for a moment. Ignores his moderate embarrassment at being naked in front of Amos. Even if they hadn’t been lovers, they’d shared shower space before. This time, Holden is at a complete disadvantage. He squints at Amos, studying him. “What are you doing here?”

“Naomi was worried about you being on your own, told me you needed fresh clothes.” Amos shrugs. A grin appears on his lips, and Holden has to suppress less innocent thoughts than being glad Amos isn't just scowling or staring at him. “Besides, thought I should check on you. Shouldn't fight like hell to get back here just to die slipping in the shower.”

Can’t argue with that logic, Holden muses as he blinks at Amos. Still, it would have been nice to share a moment that didn’t involve him being naked, cowering in the shower. He knows any hope of a truly emotional, meaningful moment may be fruitless, but actual words between them would have been… preferable to this. Amos drops the clothes on a nearby bench and reaches for a towel to toss him. Holden manages to catch the soft terry in one hand, scrambling to cover himself and regain some of his composure.

Holden expects more quips from Amos. He expects flirtation and innuendo. He's naked for Christ’s sake. But when he turns back to face Amos, towel wrapped securely around his waist, Amos says nothing. He watches Holden with that steady, emotionless gaze. Like he's studying Holden's recovering body. It makes Holden shy. He'd been less than confident the first time he'd been naked with Amos, caught between him and Naomi. Still, he's even less confident now. What does Amos see?

“So,” Holden starts, passing Amos to shuffle to the mirror. “Naomi sent you?”

“Not exactly. I was already coming down when she said something about you.”

“Okay.” Holden grimaces at his reflection. The man staring back at him is too pale. His dark hair, eyebrows, and beard stand out against his too-white skin. Purple shadows beneath his eyes betray a bone-deep exhaustion. His mouth is set in a firm line. And his eyes…

They’re cloudy with emotions he doesn't want to admit to.

He pulls the electric razor out of it’s holster on the wall. “I only ask since I haven’t really seen you since we hauled ass off Eros.”

“Had things to do. We’ve been a man down since then. Two, if you count Naomi. With all the time she spent looking after you and… Miller.”

Holden glances at Amos through the mirror. Amos meets his gaze, but they both know he couldn’t quite hide that slip. Something’s wrong there. But Amos’ stance, his chin tilted up in a challenge, keeps Holden from asking. He looks away again, fiddling with the razor. When will any of these people trust him? Getting any details at all out of them reminds him of shepherding with his fathers. Just when you think you’re getting somewhere, you turn around and see you still have most of the sheep in the fields. He feels that more and more with Amos and Naomi every day.

Focusing hard on his own face, Holden studies the ragged beard along his jaw. Amos’ presence presses against his shoulder blades, threatens to push him over the sink. His face heats at the thought. With luck, the harsh light will keep Amos from noticing his change in color. He tilts his head down, rinses his hand off under the automated sink. That’s when the shaking starts again.

Holden’s caught himself shaking a few times, riding out tremors that range from a minor annoyance to a complete impairment of his fine motor functions. Naomi had explained it may happen, and had been kind and patient enough to help him through the worst of them. Even if they’d both been shy about her helping him eat. The spells have become less frequent as he's healed. But of course one starts when he finally gets a chance to shave.

Clenching his fists against the solid steel counter, Holden lowers his head and closes his eyes. Breathes. He prays for the shaking to subside. The edges of the razor dig into his palm. He hears it creak, a distressing sound he can feel in his own bones. Stop. Please stop. Not now. Not in front of Amos. Holden’s spent all this time, since the Knight—no, no, since the second he’d joined the Cant—feigning strength. Like an actor playing a better version of himself. For the small crew. For himself. There’s nothing to hide behind now. How can he act strong if he can’t even be strong? In front of the one person he has to? “Hey, Holden.” He starts, twisting to see Amos right over his shoulder. His face is blank, betraying none of his thoughts. It doesn’t quite match Amos’ almost… gentle tone. He gazes into Amos’ steely blue eyes, heat rising in his cheeks again. The intensity of this simple action, of staring back at a man whose touch he’s craved, whose attention he’s sought for weeks, hits him like a punch in the gut. So fixated on having what he’s wanted is Holden, that he doesn’t notice Amos holding his hand out. “What?” Holden could wince at how dreamy the word comes out. Amos doesn’t even blink. “Give me the razor.” “Why?” “Just do it.” If he had been anyone else, Amos might have sighed. But he doesn’t wear his emotions on his sleeve like Holden does. He doesn’t let any of his thoughts show. Holden does what he asks, struggling to loosen his shaking fingers from around the device. Amos doesn’t show any sign of annoyance or frustration. Holden considers it a blessing. Scratching his jaw with his free hand, Amos gestures to the bench with the razor. Though still skeptical of Amos’ plans, Holden crosses back to the bulkhead. It takes all his concentration to do so without losing his balance. He drops down onto the bench, ignoring the groan it emits to watch Amos at the sinks. He follows Holden moments later, razor and damp towel in hand. Holden drops his head back against the wall as he gets closer. It’s always interesting to be looking up at Amos. Whether from his knees or from a seat. It changes the dynamic in the basest of ways. Holden is taller, the de facto leader, a man of staunch beliefs. Amos is shorter but broader, follows Naomi more than him, and keeps everything to himself. Being physically beneath Amos feels like submission. And exposing his throat to a man who’s said he could kill him without a second glance takes it to the next level. It’s an arousing thought. He’ll save it for later.

Amos drops the towel on Holden’s shoulder. It’s damp and warm and Holden lets himself relax back into the bulkhead. Thick, rough fingers slide under his chin and tip his head up. Holden watches Amos take in the line of his jaw. Like he’s never seen it before. Like his lips and teeth have never traversed it. The knot in his chest tightens. He hadn’t considered how much he had missed this Amos. The one that bounced between him and Naomi like a kid with too many toys and no way to choose one. Being chosen, even for this, warms his chest. The knot stays.

The razor hums to life in Amos’ other hand. At the first touch of the blades to his skin, Holden’s eyelids flutter. He fights the urge to close them. He won’t give up this chance to be present with Amos. Not after all this time and his near death between them. So he watches Amos. Gazes up at his barely-furrowed brow. Takes in his focused eyes and set mouth. Amos doesn’t look at him. Just works, shifting Holden’s head this way and that to get every angle.

Holden shivers as Amos tips his head back, exposes his throat and drags the razor up to his chin. Amos pauses. Their eyes finally meet. The razor buzzes along between them, white noise for the moment. Holden wonders what Amos sees in his eyes. Holden can only see some brand of thoughtfulness. Maybe. But then Amos looks away and the moment is gone. He switches hands and gets back to work.

It doesn’t take long for Amos to finish. He tilts Holden’s face this way and that, looking for any missed spots. They wouldn’t be hard to find on Holden’s sickly-white skin. He nods to himself, and the razor clicks off. The silence between them weighs on his chest more than Amos’ absence had. He’s here. He’s right in front of Holden. Yet he still feels a hundred klicks away. There has to be something he can do to close the distance. To bring Amos back to him. To try and fix what he’d broken. With a quick hum, Amos turns away, drops the towel into a bin.

And Holden takes a leap.

“I missed you.”

Amos pauses. He doesn’t freeze, or whirl around. None of the usual—likely considered dramatic—reactions Holden might have, in the same position. But he knew that already. Amos isn’t like most men. He sighs, scratches his jaw. When he turns to face Holden again he looks thoughtful.

“Since Eros,” he starts, face still a blank slate. “Or since the Mickeys almost boarded us?”

Holden takes a breath. “The Martians.”

Amos doesn’t show any sign of shock. He nods. Rubs his hands together. Holden clenches his jaw. What he wouldn’t give to know what thoughts are running through Amos’s mind. What he thinks of Holden’s confession. The radiation had failed to give him superpowers. Holden stands on shaking legs. He can’t do this sitting down.

Amos’s eyes follow his movement, trained on his face. “Really?”

Holden’s face heats up. He forces himself to keep eye contact with Amos. “Yeah. Since it all went to shit.”

“Hm. Interesting.”

Holden swallows. “What is?”

“Well,” Amos starts, stepping in close again and keeping his voice level. “Figured after that disagreement we had that you’d want to end it with us.”

“What?”

“You’ve got strong beliefs. Makes it feel like you’ll push away people who disagree.” Amos breathes another sigh. Holden isn’t sure what emotion is behind it. If there is emotion behind it. “We disagreed. You had a gun to my head. Fun’s over.”

Holden blinks, thinks over Amos’ words. What he’s saying. What he’s implying. Holden always thought it was more of a… mutual decision. That Amos would have easily backed away from him after… Holden shudders. “Naomi was right to be afraid of you.” It hits him like a sucker punch. Amos is right. It was all him.

“Anyway,” Amos continues, either ignoring or not noticing Holden’s epiphany. “You still had Naomi. You two got along better than we did. Thought you’d be good without me.”

Holden clears his throat. His chest is too tight. “I wasn’t.”

“What?” Finally, Amos shows something. His brows draw together and his head tilts to the side.

“Naomi and I.” Holden bites the inside of his cheek. “She ended things with me. On Tycho.”

A fresh wave of pain tightens the knot in his chest. He blinks and looks away. He’s tried to forget that night. His confession to her and her breaking things off with him. Leaving him alone at the table. Because she’d lied for him and she couldn’t choose between him and Amos. She couldn't choose him. It had all been his fault.

Holden looks up again to find Amos watching him. Some version of confused and surprised plays out on his face. “She didn’t say anything. I thought you two were good.”

“No.” Holden shakes his head. “It’s all a big mess.”

Amos nods, the emotions fading from his face once again. “So… when you say you missed me. You mean me and Naomi, then?”

“Yes. I mean, no. I just—” Holden sighs, rubs his eyes. What is the easiest way to say this? Holden’s never been in a situation like this. Even having polyamorous parents doesn’t prepare a man for communication with one of two partners. When all he’s known is how much he’s missed Naomi, and he knows he can talk to Naomi. He’s always had to show Amos how he—

He sucks in a breath. Inspiration. Don’t tell. Show. Before Holden can talk himself out of it, he grabs Amos by the jumpsuit and pulls him close. He can feel his strength wavering, but he manages to hold onto him as he kisses him hard enough to feel their teeth hit. Amos makes some sound in the back of his throat—Holden can’t decipher it—and after a few beats grips at Holden’s towel. He deepens the kiss, heart rate jumping at the idea of Amos just pulling the towel loose. A tiny part of him yearns to be reacquainted with Amos right here.

And then Amos pulls out of the kiss, uses his hands on Holden’s hips to push him away. It’s not a forceful push—no, almost gentle—but Holden feels it as if he’d been shoved in the chest. Heat rises in his cheeks again. He isn’t sure if it’s more from lust or embarrassment. He takes a shuddering breath.

“I missed you.”

He opens his eyes, hoping to see something, anything in Amos’ face that shows that he wants this as badly as Holden does.

Only to find the man giving him a tight grin. “Jesus, Cap. Save it for when you’re back to a hundred. Shouldn’t start something you can’t finish.” Amos taps the palm of his hand to Holden’s cheek twice.

Holden sputters. “But… that’s not what I—”

“I have to get back to work. Alex is probably looking for me.” With one last slap to the shoulder, Amos pivots and strides out of the head, leaving Holden cold and alone.

Holden stares at the door long after Amos leaves. He stays in the same spot, shivering, until his legs can’t hold him any longer. He sits back on the bench with a groan, letting his head hit the bulkhead with a little more force than before. “Stupid.”

He closes his eyes. Breathes slow to calm his mind—and body. His eyes itch and he clenches them tighter. It’s all a mess. And it’s all his mess. He goes over the past months, every choice and every word, looking for where he could have stopped himself. Kept his mouth shut or said something different or did something different. But he couldn’t have. He can’t be anyone different. He shudders.

The door slides open again, boots scuffing against the decking as someone else enters the head. Holden sighs. “Amos isn’t here, Alex.” His voice comes out rougher and more exhausted than he thought it might. Can he hide behind his injuries or is it obvious it’s something else?

“It’s me, Ji—... Holden.”

Holden’s eyes open and his tilts his head up to see not his pilot, but the other lover that had been on his mind. Former lover. Naomi. She looks as beautiful as the day he first noticed how beautiful she was. There’s a gnawing in his gut. She grins at him, a small, tight grin like Amos’. She wrings her hands together, shifts her gaze to look at anything but him. The knot in his chest stays firmly in place. He tries not to show it and gives her a tiny grin of his own.

“Hey.”

Naomi takes a deep breath. Like she’s preparing to say something. She shakes her head instead. “Amos said you needed some help.”

Holden blinks, his eyebrows drawing together. He’s not sure if he can take this emotional whiplash from the both of them. He feels vulnerable. Exposed. Not just because he’s naked save for his towel. But he doesn’t have the energy to do anything about it. He hums.

“Did he?”

Naomi hesitates again. “Yeah. Just… thought you weren’t… doing as well as you said.”

“That’s…” Holden finds himself at a loss. Amos grabbed Naomi? For what? If Holden needed help getting dressed, he’d have called for someone himself. It’s not like he has anything to hide from Naomi anymore. And his dignity has never meant much to him. Naomi had spent so much time avoiding alone time with him before Eros. Avoiding any opportunity for him to try and talk to her about more personal matters.

So… why now?

“That’s very... thoughtful of him,” Holden concludes lamely. There had been a time he could just talk to Naomi, about anything and everything. Curled up in his cabin or hers, wrapped up in a tiny world that only reached as far as the door. Now he dances around the conversation, trying not to say anything that could make her uncomfortable. Worlds apart. He sighs. “I’ll be fine. Just need my legs to stop shaking.”

Naomi takes a breath. “I don’t think he meant your… physical recovery. Jim.”

Holden’s gaze snaps back to her face. Her lip is caught between her teeth. She hasn’t called him by his name since… before Opal. Before she’d ended things with him. Before he fucked it all up. He swallows. “Then what?” He’s almost afraid of her answer. He doesn’t know why. If it’s because it’s her, or if it’s the topic. “What did he mean?”

“Us, Jim,” she says, finally stepping towards him. “The three of us. The… break up.”

“Ah.” His heart hammers all over again as Naomi approaches. Slow, cautious. Why must they put him through this? Get his hopes up, only to dash them? Again. Will she run away like Amos, when she comes back to her senses? Will this tightness in his chest or gnawing in his stomach ever fade? He so loses himself in doubt and questions that he doesn’t realize how close Naomi is until her long, cool fingers slide under his jaw and tilt his head up. It takes more effort than he’d like to meet her brown eyes with his. They look almost pained.

“Naomi, what are you—”

“I’m sorry.” Her thumbs stroke over his cheekbones. Her eyes lock on his. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do it.”

Holden blinks up at her, brows drawing together. “You’re sorry? For what?” Naomi’s mouth opens, but no sound comes out. Holden makes a sound in the back of his throat that even he can’t quite interpret. Something in her small gesture makes him feel bold. And small. “Naomi… I did this. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

It’s Naomi’s turn to look confused. She purses her lips. “What are you talking about, Jim?”

Holden almost tells her. The words that explain him and Amos and their fallout nearly spill from his lips like a holy confession just to seek his penance. Her forgiveness. The shame of his works creep up the back of his neck and sends a another shiver through him. Something clicks, for Naomi's gaze softens further.

“Is this about you and Amos? Whatever happened when that patrol found us?”

Holden swallows, his throat suddenly dry. He nods. “I… said something I shouldn't have.”

He nearly starts when Naomi snorts. “Why does that not surprise me?” Her tone is gentle, her expression… affectionate.

“Naomi…” He pushes down the rising joy, the hope that unfurls in his chest. This is how she looked at him before. The way he’s wanted her to look at him since she stormed out of the bar with his heart in her hands. But as much as he wants to let himself just revel in it, she deserves to know. She needs to know. “When… the Martians… I told Amos you were right to be afraid of him.”

Naomi blinks. Holden’s heart stops. He wants to look away, dreading the disgust he’ll be sure to see when she processes what he’d said. That he’d said something so purely meant to hurt someone she cared about. Used her to hurt someone she cared about. He knows deep down it was to lash out over his own pain. And it makes it feel worse. Cruel. He deserves any judgement she may pass on him. So he can’t look away. He has to take it. He has to crush the hope he so badly wants to feel to keep himself from hurting more.

Naomi takes a breath. Nods. “You’re… blaming yourself? For everything?”

“Well…” Holden pauses. “Yeah?”

The disgust never comes. The corner of Naomi’s mouth twitches. Her thumb strokes over his cheek again. “Have you ever considered that I am partially to blame? It did start when Amos found out I was lying for you.”

“I—” No. He hadn’t. In all honesty—further proof of his asshole status—he’d forgotten how Naomi and Amos had fallen out in the first place. Naomi had protected him from Amos, at the expense of their relationship. Still a notch on his belt of fault, but… not by his own doing. She’d chosen to keep his secret, knowing what might happen. He sighs, looks away from her warm brown eyes by closing his own. “I’m sorry. I hadn’t.”

“I don’t know what I expected. But we do share the blame, Jim.” Her voice is soft, fingers still petting his skin. It’s so soothing. Holden hadn’t realized just how badly he’d missed her touch until her hands were on him again. “You regret what you said, right?”

“To Amos? Absolutely. I don’t… relish being cruel, in retrospect.”

Naomi laughs. “I’m certain you don’t. I’m certain you’ve had yourself in a personal hell since you said it.” She taps his jawline, and Holden opens his eyes to look at her again, Her gentle smile has returned. “You’re not the type to be cruel.”

“And neither are you,” Holden whispers. Naomi’s eyes widen. He moves his hands to rest on her hips, giving her a comforting touch of his own. She tenses. But only for a second. “You aren’t, Naomi. You don’t have to apologize to me. I understand why you did what you did. I get it now.”

And he does. It was unfair of him to ever think she should bounce between the two of them, or keep things up with him while she hurt over Amos. Unfair and cruel. And he’d almost died with those rifts between them. That thought hurts him most. Leaving all of this unsaid. Leaving them with all this pain.

Before Naomi can answer him, he pulls her close, presses his forehead to her stomach. She makes a sort of choked sound above him, an emotion he’s not sure he can place. She smells like sweat and grease. It’s not entirely unpleasant, not from her. It makes him think of home. His new home. Fingers thread through his hair, trail down the back of his neck. A soft groan escapes him, and he further melts into her.

God… he’s missed this. How could I be so stupid? He doesn’t realize he’d said it out loud until Naomi laughs above him. It’s a bitter bark of a sound.

“Not just you, Jim. I—I walked out on you at the bar.” Her voice wavers, her grip on his hair and shoulder tightening. “You could have died and the last real conversation we had was weeks ago. I’d ended things and just left you there.”

“But you waited for me on Eros,” he whispers, still loud enough for her to hear. “You waited. I didn’t die. You didn’t leave me and I’m here.”

The ease with which the words fall from his lips surprises him. The certainty. It surprises Naomi too, for she stutters—Naomi, stuttering!—before taking a breath.

“It’s that easy for you?”

“Yes,” he assures her, certain as anything. “That’s it.”

And it is. Of course, he may have blamed her for his pain once. As he sat alone at the table back at Opal, waving a waitress down to close their tab to distract himself from the deep ache in his chest. But he quickly turned it into anger at himself. She doesn’t need his forgiveness because there’s nothing to forgive. She’d done nothing wrong in choosing Amos. In choosing herself.

Naomi gently pulls him away from her stomach, tilting his head up to meet his eyes. Holden gazes back up at her. He’s unafraid now. Her long fingers tease through his hair again. The question lingers in her eyes. Should we try again? Holden wants nothing more. He nods, hoping the rest of his expression answers for him as she studies his face in silence.

Naomi relaxes, a small grin replacing the concern that colored her features. She leans down, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Holden lets his eyes close.

“Let’s try not do that again, yeah?”

Holden hums, squeezing her waist. “Agreed.”

She kisses his forehead once more, nuzzling the same spot before finally pulling away from him. “I may have found something in the medbay that will help you long term. Think you can get dressed on your own?”

Holden hadn’t noticed when the shaking had stopped. He shoots her a grin. “I think I can manage.”

She returns his smile. “I’ll get Miller. Meet you there in fifteen?” It’s far more than enough time, even with weak muscles and shaky legs. His chest warms.

“Sounds good.” And it does. For the first time since Holden walked into the bar on Tycho to meet Naomi for a drink, something finally feels good. He finally feels good. “Thank you, Naomi.”

Naomi brushes her knuckles against his cheek, smile widening. Part of Holden wishes she’ll lean down and kiss him. The deeply-romantic, misses-his-maybe-girlfriend-more-than-coffee part. But if she had been ready for that, she would have done so. It’s not the right moment. They’ll find it. He’s certain of it now.

She leaves him with the clothes Amos had lain out for him. Not before shooting him one last smile over her shoulder as she ducks out the door. Holden’s heart is racing. For the first time in weeks, he doesn’t worry about it. He’s not scared. It’s not an emergency. He’s practically soaring. Wings of eagles and all that shit.

He eases himself back to his feet and dresses with care. Much of his body still aches and he still bruises too easy. However, there’s an eagerness he can’t keep from his movements. Naomi wants him again. Amos might want him again. He may be at half-strength or less, but he feels whole. He hadn’t even realized that he’d been missing parts of himself until he knew what it was like to have them back. He has to do better. Has to be better. Has to be worthy of the care and forgiveness they’ve bestowed upon him. Or… acceptance, in Amos’ case.

And later, after he and Naomi put the “protomolecule” sample in the missile, after she asked if he was okay, and after they had gotten… reaquainted with each other in the airlock, Amos finds him in the corridor on his way back up to Ops.

The mechanic gives him a once over, and Holden is pretty certain that Amos knows exactly what had happened before Alex’s surprise dinner. That he knows exactly what had taken Holden and Naomi so long in the airlock. He so wishes the radiation had given him superpowers. To know what Amos might think of it.

But Amos seems to answer that question for him by slamming him back into the bulkhead and kissing him hard enough to similarly slam his head back into the bulkhead. He doesn’t know what it is about his partners and pushing him into a wall, but if he’s going to get a concussion, ground rules might be important. Not that he’s thinking about ground rules when Amos is finally kissing him again. He grips at Amos’ jumpsuit, just like in the head hours before. This time, he doesn’t shake. He may be held upright between the wall and the hard plane of Amos’ chest, but Holden knows he can stand tall on his own now.

They kiss until they’re both breathless, Amos pulling away but staying close enough to breathe the same air. Holden gazes at him, not bothering to fight through the post-kiss dreamy haze these two often leave him in. Amos holds him by the jaw, studying his face. Holden wants to tip his chin up, kiss him again. But something like mischief flashes in Amos’ eyes. Holden’s brows draw together.

Amos stops his question with one of his own. “You and Naomi good then?”

Holden gapes at him. “What?”

“C’mon, Cap,” Amos scoffs. Holden files all thoughts of the title away for when he’s not pinned to a bulkhead. “It’s written all over your face. Hers too. Just a damn shame I wasn’t there.”

“Well,” Holden starts, clearing his throat when it comes out like a croak. “Well… it happened so fast, we just—”

Amos pats his cheek and pulls away, taking his warmth with him. “Nah, it’s fine. All good. Besides—” He leans in once more, a wicked grin spreading across his face. “You can always make it up to me by reenacting it when we hit Tycho. I’m sure Naomi won’t mind.”

He gives Holden one last hard slap on the arm for good measure before sauntering away, whistling some tune or another. Holden leans against the bulkhead for a while after that, head flooded with images of the three of them holed up in some fancy Tycho apartment for hours. When he finally pushes away, the fresh bruises from dual wall-shovings across his back and arms protest.

He can’t say it isn’t worth it.

#the expanse #jim holden #amos burton #naomi nagata #holden/naomi/amos #in a lovely constellation #shanfics #expansefic

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human-oddity88 · 7 years

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Love and Self Loathing

ON LOVE AND SELF LOATHING

“You cant love someone until you love yourself first” Bullshit. I have never loved myself. But you. Oh god, I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like.” Unknown

I was bullied. When I say this I don’t mean the cute innocent teasing portrayed in sitcoms and in movies. I mean the kind of bullying that sent me home in tears everyday from school. The kind of bullying that left me with emotional problems similar to those who grew up in abusive households. The kind of bullying that made me obsessed as a teenager with finding the quickest and most painless way to kill myself. There was literally nothing about my body, my thoughts, my past or my present that they couldn’t/didn’t use as a Knife to cut me. But the worst part was that the adults in my life either didn’t care at all, or even if they did care offered no real solutions. I spent years hearing the same old hallow tired advice like “just ignore them” (easy to do while people you’ve gone to school with your entire life pick your life apart like they’re dissecting a frog), “they’re just jealous” (trust me they aren’t), “just try to be more normal” (tried every day for 16 years and the more I tried to abandon myself for the sake of fitting in the less I did). Ultimately the bullying became so harmful l that I, an A to B student with real potential, dropped out of high school at 16 because I knew if I had to endure another 3 years of abuse my unsuccessful suicide attempts would eventually become a successful one. Bullying kills kids like me every day. Kids who are different like I was, kids who are overweight, LGBT, part of a racial and/or religious minority, or if they are in any other way strikingly different from their peers. In my case I was a strange combination of the above. I can’t even explain how much heartbreak I feel when I read yet another story on Facebook about a high school kid who killed themselves as a result of bullying. I feel myself die inside very time I read another name or see another picture. I know exactly what those poor souls were thinking as they took their own lives, because I thought the same thing. I could write a novel, hell a series of novels about the bullying that I had to endure, and about my adolescent self trying to cope with it. But I’m way more interested in writing about afterwards. What it’s like as a young adult trying to build a life based on such negative and self loathing social interactions. To show people that may be struggling even as they read this, that it really does get better. The bullying that I endured left me with many certainties about myself. I was ugly. I was worthless. No one would ever love me. These certainties didn’t keep me up at night or bring me to tears everyday they were simply facts like the description of a cell in a biology textbook. It has been studied, and verified by enough scientists that it can now be accepted as unquestionably true. I was surrounded by people who loved me. My friends and my family, and they fought to convince me that I was beautiful and worthwhile. But despite their valiant efforts I entered adulthood I with zero self esteem and even less confidence. A girl who had once been loud and passionate had become quiet and subdued. The bright Colors I once wore because I’m an ostentatious person had been replaced with dark colors that helped me blend in. When I was 18 I got my very first real boyfriend. He loved me. He thought I was pretty. He was with me on purpose. My mind couldn’t comprehend any of that. I kept waiting for him to realize all the things about me that I already accepted as fact. But he didn’t. It was a shock to my system. Our relationship was not perfect. he was the person I lost my virginity to, and as I became sexually active I realized new and amazing things about myself. Chief among those was the fact that I have an extremely high sex drive. My boyfriend however had an extremely low sex drive. Night after night I would try to initiate sex with him, and he would make excuse after excuse as to why tonight wasn’t a good night for him. On the nights we did have sex, it only happened after begging, when he would give in with a long exasperated sigh, and seem about as excited about it as you might be to take out the trash or get a root canal. After years of this I started wondering if I was the problem. Was I so ugly and repulsive that my own husband didn’t want me? Those Thoughts haunted me throughout my marriage. There were plenty of other problems in our relationship as well, such as the fact that as a result of his Asperger’s Syndrome he could never be my partner, more of an overgrown child who needed a live in Nanny, first in the form of his mother and then me. If I had not been bullied. If I had not been convinced over the course of my entire academic career that I was ugly worthless and that no one would ever love me, I probably would have left my boyfriend. I would not have settled for a guy who didn’t appreciate me to the level that I truly deserved. But unfortunately the way he treated me just helped to confirm what I already knew to be true. I really was ugly. I really was worthless. I just counted myself lucky that anyone wanted me at all. That’s why I married him when I was only 20 years old, even though I wasn’t happy, even though in my heart I wanted more than he could or was even capable to providing. I did it because even though I knew this consciously, even though I was fully aware that I was settling, I also knew for a fact that this was the best I could do. Only pretty girls got guys who truly loved, and wanted them. Only girls whom were worthwhile got the kind of guys that took your breath away. Only those girls got the kind of love that made the world make sense. It shouldn’t come as a shock that I was divorced four years later. Funny thing about marriage. The biggest difference between marriage and dating is that when your dating you can easily work past or even outright ignore all those little cracks in your relationship. From the hairline fractures up to the fault lines. But when you get married those cracks don’t go away. In fact they grow and deepen. Until you drift apart like tectonic plates. After my divorce I finally began learning about myself. I began dating my second boyfriend. He was much, much older than me, but he was also the first man who made me feel wanted. He made me feel sexy. That relationship wasn’t perfect either. I could write a whole other, whatever this is, about why it is never a good idea to sleep with a married man behind his wife’s back, but I overlooked that as well because he gave me something I really needed at that time. He gave me confidence. He helped me realize that I was beautiful, I was sexy, and I was worthwhile. I stopped hiding the body that I had always found repulsive under dark drab clothes. I started wearing clothes that made me look as sexy as I felt. I started flirting which I had never done before. It was a magical time in my life. When that relationship finally came to its inevitable end, I took my new found confidence and threw it at a guy that was attractive beyond my wildest dreams. He was the kind of guy that the high school version of me had fantasized about dating. Tall, dark, and brooding (sorry I can’t even type that without laughing g but we are getting to that) and even though my intuition warned me against getting serious with him, warned me that like a low voltage electrocution not only would it kill me it would hurt the entire time I was dying, I got serious. I felt like I needed to date someone like him to prove to myself that I could, prove that I was beautiful and sexy enough to date someone as hot as him. Even though I finally had confidence and self worth I still felt like I was dating way above my station even though in reality I had reached the bottom of the barrel and was now digging in the ground beneath. The first time he cheated on me was literally two weeks into our relationship. But I didn’t leave. He continued to lie and cheat for the entirety of our relationship and I never left. I had finally realized how beautiful sexy and worthwhile I was just to end up dating every bully I had ever endured all rolled into up into one handsome incarnation of everything evil. He methodically and quite effectively reminded me that I was ugly. That I was clingy. And just like before I accepted it all as fact. I knew I was ugly, and that if I wasn’t so ugly he wouldn’t have to cheat on me. And if I wasn’t so clingy he wouldn’t he to be so distant and unavailable. And that I could never leave him because I was so ugly and worthless that I would never ever be able to convince someone else to love me. And I believed all of it. It wasn’t just a belief for me it was a fact list like they had been facts in highs school. So I never left. Even after he cheated on me for the ten millionth time. Even after he gave me an STI and blamed it on me, even when I began to financially support him, a guy who made over twice as much money as I did so he could blow his paychecks on drugs video games and I’m sure sex with other girls. He finally left me when I had nothing else to offer that he needed. And in the theme of our relationship he made me feel responsible for that as well. He had tried so hard to love me, But I was just too hard to love. he needed to love himself enough to find something better, and I needed to die alone. And I accepted that he was right. I accepted that I really was this awful ugly worthless person that he and every person at school had convinced me I was. I had finally overcome the pain of my bullying, but this saint of a man had held a mirror up and shown me that they had been right all along. That’s why when I saw a guy who made my heart flutter the very moment I laid eyes on him, I didn’t introduce myself, I didn’t flirt. I knew I was ugly, worthless and impossible to love so I just admired him from across the room, fantasizing about what it would be like to talk to him, to kiss him, to be with him. Even after a friend (who didn’t know about my weird little crush) introduced him to me I still lacked the confidence to actually make a move. But I did talk to him. We talked for hours. Sharing and laughing. I found it easier to talk to this guy than I had ever felt talking to anyone before in my entire life. I didn’t hold back, I didn’t need to with him. He saw me. Making a move on him was literally the hardest and most terrifying moves I’ve ever made. I liked him, I was attracted to him both physically mentally and emotionally. I needed to know if he was attracted to me, but the terror of rejection, the terror of all of those terrible things about me being once again confirmed by a possible rejection filled me with dread that I cannot describe. But I did it. I made a move. It was 6 in the morning. Him and I had literally stayed awake together all night talking. And I was having so much fun talking to him that I didn’t even feel tired, even as the sun began to rise. After hours of plotting my move in my head I decided my move would be to lay down on the ground beside him and lay my head on his leg. Silly I know. But I felt like if he was attracted to me the way I was attracted to him he would allow my head to stay and if he didn’t share me feelings He would ask me to sit up or something else subtle that would be less soul crushing than a full blown rejection. Then we could just keep talking and I could pretend my move had never happened. So I did it. I laid my head on his leg, and to my surprise and delight he allowed it to stay. He didn’t say a word about it in fact, just started running his fingers through my hair as we continued to talk. We shared our first kiss that morning. I’ve been with him for over two years now. And I’m happier than I ever thought I could be. All those years of self loathing have become a distant memory. Because of him, I not only feel beautiful, sexy and wanted, but I feel an actual detachment from the memories of when I didn’t. As if they happened to someone else. Those feelings are no longer a part of who I am. I’m not saying my confidence is flawless. I’m still scared, more scared in fact than I ever want him to know that I will one day be replaced. That he will someday find someone better than me, that it wouldn’t even be that hard for him to find someone better than me, and he will abandon me like everyone who came before him. I tell him I feel this way sometimes, and he holds me and reassures me that I am beautiful and perfect and that he could never want anyone else. And I believe him. For the first time someone saw me. He saw everything that I was, everything that I had been or may yet become. He saw all of the things that are wonderful about me, and also the things that are not so wonderful. and he loves every bit bit of it. But the thing I love most is the gift me gave me. A gift I will happily spend the rest of my life thanking him for. He saw me, and when he saw me, he saw me so clearly, and so completely, that I couldn’t help but see myself. I saw myself reflected in his eyes, and finally after years and trying and failing, I was able to reconcile the me in my head to the me I saw in his eyes. I was able to see the me my family and friends had spent so many years trying and failing to convince me was there all along. I see myself, she’s a beautiful baddass, and I love the fuck out of her.

If you are reading this and can relate to this in any way at all, I want you to know…no….i need you to know that you are not ugly you are beautiful, you re not worthless. You are perfect. You are not weak, you are powerful. And someone will love you. Someone will one day look at you and wonder how they got so damn lucky. And if you end your life now you will never understand how wonderful that feels. I love you, and I pray you learn to love yourself.

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cryptid-anarchist · 7 years

Text

O->>Naruto Tag Game <<-O

Tagged by @r0xx0rz

Oh boy. its been a while. my memory on this series is rusty at best, so im sure what i know is going to be what my memory was biased on remembering. also i dont know anything from shippuden, so this is all from the original series.

F A V O R I T E

· Female Character - Temari. she seemed like a total bitch in the chunin exams arc, but when they had to rescue the leaf ninjas from orochimaru’s squad it became clear she just puts on that exterior to her current enemy.

· Male Character - Gaara. i have a dark fangirly past with Gaara.

· Team - forgot their number... Kiba, Hinata, and Shino.

· Sensei - Iruka. He was so nice.

· Hokage - 3rd Hokage, he seemed to have the best qualities of a leader.

· Kage - Gaara, of course.

· Village - gonna have to say Konoha because i dont remember much else.

· Akatsuki Member - Deidara. yeah i know he showed up in shippuden but the fact i know enough about his explosive personality means i like him enough.

· Jutsu - Ice Mirror hell, dont remember the real name but from the first time Naruto went fox tail shit on someone in front of sasuke.

· Episode/Chapter - do you think i can recall that much?

· Fight Scene - hm.... the fight scenes are what made the show for me.... OH, Kiba vs the 2 headed demon guy from Orochimaru’s squad.

· Fanfiction - hm.... i read one fanfiction that.. you know what? no. just gonna say it was KankuroxReader and there was some kinky shit.

· Story Arc - Chunin Exams.

Filler - hm.... my favorite filler had to be the curry episode. i dont think you know how much i love spicy food and wanted to try that curry.

What is your…

· OTP (explain why) - as someone not caught up on the show, i dont think i can comment here effectively. (also cant remember)

· NoTP (without being a dick, explain why) - Gaara x Sasuke. oh dear lord, the edge required by some people. i was a weeaboo in THOSE days.

· Crackship/s - Neji x Rock Lee. for kinky reasons.

· BroTP - Deidara and Sasori

· OT3 - Not too sure if i had any.

· Crossover ship - Dont kill me. Gaara x Ulquiorra as the emo edge boyfriends.

M I S C E L L A N E O U S

· Do you have any headcanons? I view Rock Lee as what would be considered disabled in ninja society. He cannot do what others can, and needs to work extra hard to get where he is. Even has his own weird way of doing things. he gets along in his life seemingly great, but struggles hard to keep up.

· Are you happy with the ending?

IDK i never finished everything. i know the canon ships and about Boruto, but i dont know much else.

· How do you feel about the Next Generation? I fear it will repeat the original series (the series i know, when they were 12) but this also might make it really nice for actual fans who kept up with it, unlike me.

· Say something about your favorite character. I found myself identifying with Gaara, hence my fondness for him, and i thought he got boring as he healed but now that i have healed i understand.

· What would a child between your OTP look like? Idk. do temari and shikamru have a kid yet? they’re cute together in the canon.

· Say something genuinely nice about your NoTP.: i cant. multiply negatives and you get a positive...?

· Say something negative about your OTP. as i said i dont really have a true otp.

· Is there anyway you could be convinced to ship your NoTP? crack shipping and kinky hate fucking.

· What makes you mad about the series? The reason i quit!!!! i got tired and bored of all the flashbacks and too many conversations that did not interest me. it got too long for me to want to catch up.

If you could see anything happen in the series, what would it be? Orochimaru coming back to life AGAIN. how many times did it actually happen??? 3? 4?

· What would you say to Kishimoto if given the chance? This series was definitely a great help for audiences who felt they lost their place and didnt see a way to fight through it all any more. characters were relatable to all sorts of troubled people. it definitely helped me.

In your opinion…

· Most attractive male? Kiba.

· Most attractive female? Hinata grew up into a gorgeous lady.

· Most overestimated? Shino. cant we set fire to the bugs or something???

· Not appreciated enough? Kabuto. and i know i responded opposite to you, @r0xx0rz.

· What is the greatest thing about Naruto? action scenes and analysis of jutsus.

· The worst? Too many flashbacks, eventually everythign felt sad for the sake of being edgy.

· The saddest moment? HAKU DYING AND ZABUZA DYING WITH HIM WITH SNOW ON THE BRIDGE

· The most defining? - uh..... hm.....

· GO! - Go what?

TAGGING: have at it kids

2 notes · View notes

yourrainycollectorhologram-blog · 6 years

Text

auto insurance quotes ny state

"auto insurance quotes ny state

auto insurance quotes ny state

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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My dad and I will buy a BMW 2006-2008 3 Series he is 45 and he pays for his mazda 3 year 1998 80$ per month, but i wanna know how much will it costs for a BMW..we live in florida and i am 19""

Does anyone know where i can get car insurance?

does anyone know where a college student with bad credit can get a car insurance

Teenager Car insurance?

Approximately, how much will it cost to insure a car? I'm 18, just got my license and the car that I'm going to buy is 2008 Mini Cooper S, I live in Los Angeles, CA and GPA ...show more""

Do I have to pay for car insurance if I am overseas?

I just got a job to teach English in Japan. I was hoping I can leave my car at my parents' house. Now, do I have to pay for car insurance even if I am not using my vehicle? I have been told that I do and that bugs the crap out of me. Thanks!""

What is the estimated insurance for this car?

2-Door Coupe 1989 BMW 6 Series Coupe 2D 635CS, costing $6,000 new 16 yr. old driver.15-20000 in coverage.""

Auto insurance rates?

How much would you say Progressive or Allstate charges for auto insurance? I'm talking for one person, paying for one car.""

Which life insurance is the best one to get and the most affordable and reasonable? Is it the whole life

insurance? or premium life insurance? or term life insurance?

Car insurance for a 16 year old?

im 16 and my dad just bought me a 5 series bmw. how much is it going to cost to insure me. do i get a discount for having good grades.

How do i get an insurance quote?

Hi, im wanting to get a quote on car insurance for when I'm 17. I'm currently just about to go 16, yes, I'm aware that it's a little early to be looking into cars, but I'm really curious as to how much I would need to save etc. So if anyone knows of any sites I can get a quote on without signing up or anything then it'd be appreciated very much! Or even if anyone could give me a ballpark figure on how much a 2008 Vauxhall Astra 1.4i 16V SXi 3dr Sport Hatch would cost. Thanks :)""

What is an insurance quote?

I just want to know what it is because I always here it on car insurance commercials

Would your car insurance go up if you bump into someone else?

I was pulling off at a junction and I was looking to the right to see wether there is a car coming but the car infront (baring in mind he started pulling off) he suddenly pushed the ...show more

Leaving for several month. what about car insurance?

I'm leaving USA for about 4 months. What should I do with my car insurance? I don't really wanna pay for insurance because I won't be in the USA. What should I do? need a good advice

What's the best car for insurance. 17 y/o?

I'm 17 in two months and will need a car. Mum said a Renault Clio would be good. However which 3 door car (small) would be best on cheap insurance. Whatever suggestions would be brill

Will Geico insurance rate increase for storm damage?

Will geico insurance rate increase if your car got damage due to storm or some object that flew at ur car?

High insurance on car?

Ok so I really don't know much about cars or insurance and I really want this (Nissan 350z) but someone told me it has high insurance ..what do they mean by that? If my car gets damaged it will cost more to repair? Idk..someone help though!

Which is the best website to find cheaper car insurance?

I havent found a quote on-line before, and am not keen on supplying all me personal informtion. Is this standard procedure when requestin a quote? Please recommend the best website to find the best deal. Thanks!""

""Out of curiosity, does anyone know why car insurance is CHEAPER when you add your partner on?""

I did my insurance quote for my Ford Focus (UK) and I was happy with the price at 15 per month fully comp, but if I were to add my partner to the claim it was 11 per month. I don't understand their logic? Why is it cheaper? It's the same car and if i'm allowing someone else to drive it isn't there more risk?""

""Can you NOT have car insurance ? ? and if you buy a car in cash , what is the tax on that ?""

okay i'm new to America and i'm planing to buy a car for about 14000 in cash , do you need to get insurance ? and is the tax on cars the same as sales tax ? , and any info about buying my first car ! would help !""

Car insurance questions (Still on parent's plan)?

I have a few questions... Is there a set age where I can no longer be on my mom's car insurance? Or is it completely up to her? For example can two adults (both in their 40's) be on the same insurance? I am 19. I currently live with my mom. If I were to move out, can I still be on her insurance? If I don't go to college, can I still be on her insurance? I heard you need to be a full time student to be on a parent's insurance? If I were to buy a car, would it have to be in her name?""

""Car Insurance, ammended details of profession lead to increased premium?""

My car insurance company rang me two weeks ago asking to update my details. I was previously registered as a student and unemployed but changed this to working part time as an admin assistant. A week ago I received my new certificate of insurance but today they rang me to say that my premium had increased by 150! I find this difficult to understand how changing my profession from student to admin could whack up my premium by this much. At the same time they offered me a new deal from another insurer , which they claimed would be cheaper, but I refused over the telephone as I felt too confused at the time. Now they told me that they will be sending me the bill to pay off the new increased premium. Can anyone help me confirm whether insurance companies can do this? I am not driving my car any more than I previously had and I cannot see as how my new job increases the risk of me having an accident!! Thanks""

Car insurance and my rates?

Hi, I live in Adams County, PA and I have been with the same insurance company for about 20 years. I have a 1996 Chevy Suburban, high mileage. I have no accidents, violations, or points. I have a clean record. I walk to work and don't really drive far. I am paying over $1100 a year. This seems high to me. Is it?""

Insurance for 19 year old male?

I drive a 1996 mercedes c220 and need insurance soon!!! Wondering how much I'd be looking at monthly

Where can I get pit bull insurance in Ohio??? What does it cost??

""How much should my car insurance be, is there a downpayment?""

I am 16 and i am a boy :) I have good grades but not quite a 3.0 My car is a really old Toyota tercel, Its a v4. I would be going under my moms plan. Thanks :)""

auto insurance quotes ny state

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/grand-meadow-minnesota-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-robert-porter/"

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queen-of-deans-booty · 6 years

Text

All Hell Breaks Loose Part One- Part 2

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,091

Warnings: Typical Supernatural violence, language, angst, minor character death, blood, you know the usual

AHHHH This season is almost done!!!!! Just ONE more episode left! If you’ve been catching along with this series, this and the next episodes is what I wan to hear your thoughts on!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

“Sam, please tell me you’ve read about that kind of demon before because I haven’t.” You said, stopping when everyone was outside.

“I think that was an Acheri which is a demon that disguises itself as a little girl. However, that doesn’t tell us where we are,” Sam said, looking at everyone. You looked at Andy who wasn’t paying attention.

“Andy, you with us?” You asked.

“Yeah, just wait a second… I’m still working over the fact that demons are real.” He said with a huff. You nodded and Sam took the lead as he walked through the town.

“Sam, why don’t we just leave? I’m sure there’s a road that is kind of near us somewhere.” You said, walking a little in front of him.

“I knew it was a good thing we didn’t kill you,” Jake said with a smile. You rolled your eyes but kept your mouth shut. “I like her idea.”

“That demon might come back. Plus, how can we leave when we don’t know where we are?” Sam said, stopping in front of an old bell tower. On top, a rusty bell was hanging by a wooden structure.

“That’s an old bell.” You said, noticing just how much rust was on there.

“I’ve seen that bell before. I think I know where we are: Cold Oak, South Dakota. It’s a town that was so haunted, every single person fled.” Sam said, looking at everyone.

“Swell. Good to know we’re somewhere so historical.” Ava said, sarcastically.

“Why in the world would that demon or whatever put us here?” Lily asked.

“I’m wondering the same thing.” Sam muttered.

“You know what? It doesn’t matter. Clearly, the only sane thing to do here is get the hell out of Dodge.” Lily said, scoffing.

“Wait, hold on. Lily, the only way out is through miles of woods. Plus, we don’t know if that demon will come back or if there is more of them.” Sam tried to reason with her but she wasn’t having any of it.

“He’s right, Lily, we should stick together.” Jake started to say but Lily interrupted him.

“Don’t say “we”! I’m not part of “we”. I have nothing in common with any of you.” Lily said, backing up a little from the group.

“Okay, look, now I know…”

“No, you don’t know! I accidentally touched my girlfriend.” Lily said, getting emotional. You frowned and bit your lip, feeling bad for her.

“I’m sorry.” You said, breaking the silence, making her look at you.

“Whatever. I feel like I’m in a nightmare, and it just keeps getting worse and worse.”

“And you don’t think we aren’t in one as well? I watched the life go out in my own mother’s eyes because of me. Because I was supposed to be dead instead of her. How do you think I felt? So, don’t think for one second, your life could be worse than ours when you know nothing about me or Sam or even Ava, Jake or Andy. Because you don’t. Now, the best thing is sticking together. Do I make myself clear?” You said, glaring at her. She stared at you, trying to figure out if you were joking but when she decided, she sighed.

“Fine.” She said, crossing her arms. You nodded and walked ahead of the group, the rest of them following you.

“So, in the meantime, we are looking for iron, silver, salt, or any kind of weapon.” Sam instructed.

“Salt is a weapon?” Jake asked.

“Yeah, it is with demons.” You said, making him look at you.

“Well, let’s hope food is a weapon because I am starving.” Andy said. You chuckled but didn’t say anything as you walked into a building to start looking for things. You thought it would be best to start with the building that looked like a café or a diner since salt would hopefully be in here.

You’ve been searching for a while now, partnering up with Sam and Ava since you didn’t trust any of the other people.

“You really think Dean is okay?” Sam asked you.

“I hope. I can’t even imagine what he’s thinking right now or where he is or who he’s with.” You said with a sigh, seeing a knife on the ground. You bent down and picked it up, examining it. You handed it to Sam and he took it, wiping off the dust. You looked over at Ava and frowned when she seemed to be in pain.

“Ava? You alright?” At the mention of her name, Sam looked over at her in confusion.

“Yeah, I don’t know, just a little dizzy.” She said, rubbing the sides of her head.

“Are you sure it’s not some kind of vision?” Sam asked.

“No, it’s more like I would kill for a sandwich right now. I can’t remember the last time I’ve eaten. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” She said with a sigh.

“You guys!” You heard Andy say from outside. “I found something!” You, Ava and Sam rushed outside where Andy and Jake stood. Andy smiled as he held up two bags.

“Salt!” He said with a smile.

“That’s great, Andy. Now we can all… Wait, where’s Lily?” Sam asked, noticing the group had one less person.

“Lily?” Ava called out.

“Lily!!” You yelled but no response was given. It was dead silent but then, out of nowhere, you heard the giggle of a little girl come from nearby. You didn’t want to know what happened but you had to and so the group followed the noise to the old bell.

You gasped in shock when you saw Lily there, hanging by a noose from the bell.

“Oh, my God! Okay, that’s officially— Sam, she’s dead! She’s dead! You said we were chosen for a reason. That is not chosen! That’s killed! Okay, we have to get out of here.” Ava said, freaking out.

“No, Ava, we can’t. She wanted to leave but she was killed for it. I don’t think there are multiple demons here. I think it’s just the one and it’s not going to let us leave.” You said, looking at Sam since he always knew what to do.

“Alright, it’s trying to attack us so we need to gear up for the next attack.” Sam said.

“Gear up? I’m not a solider, I can’t do that.” Ava said, her eyes wide.

“Well, you are now. You kind of don’t have a choice unless you want to die. You see, Sam and I have been doing this all of our lives so it’s best to listen to us.” You said to her, earning a grunt.

“I’ll get her down.” Jake said, already on the job.

“I wish I could call Dean. He’d know what to do.” You said, biting your lip. You got tears at the thought of him scared and alone.

“Wait just a second,” Andy said, realizing something. “I’ve never tried it long-distance before, but do you have anything of Dean’s on you? Like, something he touched?” You looked at Sam and he shook his head. You bit your lip and took off the flannel you were wearing.

“This is his shirt.” You handed the shirt to Andy and he did this thing. He closed his eyes and concentrated really hard, clutching the shirt tightly. He handed it back to you and you immediately put it on, missing the warmth it gave.

“Did it work?” You asked.

“It should have.” Andy said with a shrug.

“Well, then I guess all we can do right now is get ready for the next attack.” You said, noticing that Jake came back to the group.

“So, what else do we need?” Andy asked.

“Iron would be great. I saw some barn have iron bars on machines. That will work.” You said with a shrug, looking at Sam.

“Alright, I’m going to go with Jake and get those bars. Y/N, why don’t you go with Ava and Andy to salt some of those houses.” Sam suggested.

“No, Sam, I’m going with you.” You said, leaving no discussion. He sighed and he nodded, taking you and Jake with him to the barn while Ava and Andy left to the houses. You walked inside the barn and sighed when you saw how much harder it would be to get the bars off.

But that was no problem for Jake since he strolled past you and to the machine, ripping off the iron rods with his bare hands. You and Sam stared at him, stunned.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not Superman or anything. It’s no big deal.” Jake said, shrugging it off.

“Not a big deal? You just ripped that thing off with your bare hands.” You said, lightly scoffing.

“Well, it started when I was in Afghanistan. You know, the headaches were always common but then the accident happened. A guy flipped his vehicle and got pinned underneath. I just lifted the damn thing off him like it weighed nothing. I had no idea what was going on but everyone said it was just my adrenaline.”

“I’m guessing there is more to the story?” You said, taking the rods from him.

“Yeah, I bench-pressed 800 pounds, stone cold calm. I never told anyone, of course.” Jake chuckled.

“Wow. Overwhelming.” You said with a nod. You realized now that he could have killed you if he squeezed hard enough on your throat.

“Listen, I’m sorry about earlier. I was scared and when a demon tells you to do something, you do it. I don’t want to kill you. You seem pretty nice.” Jake apologized. You bit your lip, sensing something off with him but you needed to work together and being suspicious won’t help that.

“I appreciate it.” You said with small smile.

“And look, I appreciate what you and Sam are doing.”

“What are we doing?” You asked.

“Keeping calm. Keeping them calm. Especially considering how freaked to hell you two really are. I’ve been in some deep crap before myself. I know the look.”

“We’ve been doing it a long time so keeping calm is kind of our façade that we manage to uphold.” You said with a dry chuckle. Sam didn’t say anything else and he sighed, gathering the rest of the weapons Jake managed to break off the machines.

You two left the barn and walked to the house that Ava and Andy would be setting up. It was getting pretty dark out and you needed your sleep or else you wouldn’t be able to do your job properly. After lining the areas with salt, everyone sat on something remotely comfortable. Sam was the first one to be out like a light.

“You know, Ava, I don’t know if Sam told you this but there is something you should know about your fiancé.” You said to her, whispering so that you didn’t wake Sam.

“What is it? Is he okay?” She asked, worried for him.

“When we went back to your house to look for you, um, he didn’t make it. I’m sorry.” You said with a sigh. She started crying, upset over the news. She didn’t say anything but went to bed, crying herself to sleep.

You sighed and laid on your makeshift bed, deciding it would be best if you got some sleep like the rest.

“Wakey wakey.” You heard a voice call out. You groaned, opening your eyes a bit. It couldn’t have been morning already, you just went to sleep. When you caught the figure who was calling you, your eyes widened and you scrambled to get up.

“Sam!” You yelled, looking over at am who was still sleeping. You frowned and looked back at the yellow-eyed demon.

“He can’t hear you.” He said with a chuckle.

“What the fuck do you want? Here to kill me, again? Because look how well that turned out for you last time.” You said with an eye roll.

“You know, I could and that would be fun but I don’t have to. One of these other people will, when I’m done with them. You see, only one of you are getting out of this town and it isn’t going to be you.” He said with a sick grin.

“I’m going to fucking kill you.” You growled.

“Yeah, I would love to see you try when you wake up.” He chuckled, taking a seat on an empty table.

“Get out of my head.” You said with a glare.

“See you in hell.” He said with a grin.

The Queens:

The Dean Beans:

Series Rewrite Junkies:

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