#but am very stressed by...everything | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat · 2 years

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#i fuckin #ugh #i have shit i need to do #but am very stressed by...everything #and all i want to do is read ofmd fanfic and posts about autism #because im so tired of the world #and autism brain needs the special interest dopamine #but because i also have other shit i need to do AND other shit i want to do #im just #stuck #like physically #cannot move from my chair #doesnt help that its getting hot out #its like 85 out rn (29°c)#and my parents were up late last night so i couldnt fuckin relax cuz sudden unexpected routine changes give me anxiety #and i need to find some way to make money so when my parents finally find some property out in the country they can also #keep this place so /I/ can keep living here and hopefully also have althea move in so she doesnt have to deal with her abusive ass #parents anymore since theyre her fuckin landlords rn #and my mom will do whatever she can to help me out but i dont even know what i need help with #working in a factory wouldnt be so bad (repetitive tasks!!!!!!) but the long hours and shit working conditions would kill me #idk how tf my uncles have energy left over after working to still have fucking lives and creative projects and shit #i have some sims speed builds recorded and partially edited for youtube #but even if i get those out itll still be over a year before i could possibly start monetizing them #and i actually do wanna stay here cuz i have a lot of ideas for how to make this place look nice #but thats also gonna cost money #can society just collapse already #everything has felt less and less real every year since 2012 #i would like to fling myself out of this dimension please and thankyou #if youve read this far hi hello i hope youre enjoying my slow descent into madness

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses · 7 months

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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

#not a shitpost #serious post #ask to tag #tw trauma #cptsd #c-ptsd #and if so we should TALK about it #because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays #like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc #bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times #and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact #2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc #3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation #and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie #4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories #and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong #weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards #i got lucky there #also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons

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bamsara · 1 year

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went a whole agonizing week of no coffee caffine just for my streak to be broken because a family member made regular coffee in the pot and told me it was decaff. it was in fact not decaff

(also i promise I'm working on stuff and chapters and art, im just super busy right now preparing for the con and dealing other life stuff lskdghlksdhgs. hold out for arts n stuff soon)

#there was also a ~situation~ irl that set me back mentally and financially a bit but its fine now so everything is gonna work out #im very excited for the con even if im stressed tf out #i have yet to print out the stickers that im going to give out free but i can just print them out and maybe cut them on the ride there #if im not driving or ask a buddy who will be in the car during the 6 hours if i am #uhh some other stuff but uhhh yipppie yippie #sara shush #doodles

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ositia · 4 months

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( ◠‿◠ )

#tamagotchi #hello … sorry for the dry spell #I have been Very Busy and also stressed about posting with numbers and notes and everything #so… just been doing personal art for a while #but I am going to post some backlog now :)#love u guys

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lovecoredeity · 26 days

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my little porcelain doll cats and some of the drawings I made trying to figure out their design! I think the fluffy cat is very cute but wouldn’t make a lot of sense with them being porcelain (I mean I know you can detail the porcelain to look like there’s fur but I decided against it)

♡ if you like my art please consider buying me a kofi ♡

#deity’s doodles #artists on tumblr #on a lighter note. cats <3 #again sorry for being stressed and depressed on the art blog but I am almost always stressed about money it’s very stressful being alive #and broke as hell like everything is so expensive why is it so expensive to live

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dreamsy990 · 1 month

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some of the less nice thoughts about being aroace

extras below the cut

sketch

closeups on my favorite panels

bonus: adios

#doodles #kingdom hearts #roxas #axel #olette #aromantic #asexual #aroace #do i tag pence. hes in the background of one panel #ehhhh sorry pence no tag for you #also not tagging soriku and namixi #i mean by the logic of 'theyre in one panel so i wont tag them' i also shouldnt tag axel but. he has dialogue so #anyways i have a very irrational love of olette whenever i need a random side character in a kh comic? olette #i think she uses webmd. anyways im done talking about olette #so let me clarify about this comic #im aroace. this is all just things ive thought before #im not saying in any way these thoughts are real. theyre just thoughts #thats why it ends with 'but there isnt. its just me.' there IS nothing wrong with being aroace. even if it feels like it sometimes #im not trying to send a message im just trying to express a feeling ive had for a while #anyways. the aroace community is super positive and i like that. but not everything i feel about it is that positive #sometimes it feels like im missing something yknow #this comic seems like its about roxas. but its about me. congrats youve been fooled #drafted something similar to this for aro week but didnt finish it in time so this is spiritually part of asaw 2024 #btw sorry im not posting as many drawings lately #schools kinda stressful im pretty tired and busy most the time #i am throwing this drawing to you like a slab of meat to a pack of hungry dogs. take this meager ration in these trying times #alright i think thats it bye now

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sciderman · 1 month

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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before #and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed #and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way #i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think #i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks

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goobiestar · 2 years

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Hello everybody this is an emergency!!! Pls buy my commissions!!!!

Pls reblog if able to, im begging, this is the best I can do

So, as some of you know I am a 15 year old living in San Diego, California and prices here are impossible unless you are rich or have family to back you up. So, we don’t have that actually.

My mother quit her job awhile ago but recently got back into another job, she didn’t have a go-to job after quitting her other one which made us 6 weeks behind rent/payment, making us loose over 40k, I am not able to get a job yet so for now, i must do comms.

In just 6 days, we might loose cable, electricity, water, anything! If we dont do something, something has been eating our bank and we need over 4k and right now we have.. $1.36 in total in bank.

Hopefully, i might be able to get started on commissions, please if you’re able to, we might loose something in less than a week if we dont do anything, if you arent able to buy and rb—please just atleast try to reblog, i am panicking right now and I have no idea if this is an exaggeration or not, we NEED money!!

I am only using Venmo:

@Goobiestarstar

Please pm me here on tumblr or on discord (Goobiestar⛱#6188) if interested

(I am so sorry these prices are high, if able to i would really appreciate tipping)

#//important #PLEASE REBLOG!!!#KEEP IN MIND I AM VERY NEW TO COMMS.. SO PLEASE.. understand if i sound stressed or confused im not familiar with many things still #I WILL BE SLOW.. and i am really scared doing this because im goong head first to stay alive rn #will take paypal soon #but for now venmo #i dont think im gonna get any i think this is the end for now im sorry yall #i am just so tired and so scared its too hard to sleep #emergency commissions #art #PLEASE TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY #i am done acting like everything is okay everything is NOT okay rn #i am actually so scared rn its not fun seeing people out on the streets every day and i dont want to be with them #my dad usually exaggerates so…

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goldkirk · 4 months

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I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.

Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.

It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.

still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby

#we don't need to talk about how many months and months of therapy visits and doctor appointments I put on credit cards #among other things #but I had to put my foot down about it a couple months ago and shout at myself a little saying HEY #I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM SHOUTING FOR YOU TO HEAR #OF COURSE IT WAS A TERRIBLE FINANCIAL DECISION BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN EXPECTING TO BE ALIVE #THE CREDIT CARD DEBT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND IT DID AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY LESS IMPORTANT THAN THAT #why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time???#just because you know NOW that you could have tried some other options doesn't mean you did THEN #you may have known enough to feel shame and guilt yes but you would never in a million years have gotten the help you needed fast enough #by attempting to go another route #you didn't trust anyone besides a very few handfuls of people and even them it wasn't fully #and the stress of running it through parental insurance was so terrifying to you bc you didn't know what that would do #and you never had cosigners for anything your whole adult life. it's OKAY #you fucking DID YOUR BEST #YOU HAVE LEARNED. YOU HAVE MADE CHANGES. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE BETTER #YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LEARN AND IMPROVE OVER TIME #it is not the end of the world. even the utilities sending you to debt collections etc etc #YOU ARE FIGURING IT OUT ONE PIECE AT A TIME #MORE PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF THEIR OWN FINANCES THAN YOU THINK #if the people who fought and argued with and shamed you for considering student loans much less taking them out #had wanted you to actually be financially safer and healthier #they could have just fucking helped out or cosigned your loans or actively helped you find other solutions #instead of spending months and months telling you it was the worst decision ever and would ruin you financially for decades and such #you made the best decisions you could with the level of terror and knowledge that you had. it was enough to keep you alive.#isn't that enough?#isn't it a victory to survive?? isn't that enough??????#god i'm cringing at sharing this but if it's been this hard for me surely at LEAST one of you has also made financial mistakes or regrets #and seeing me be honest that I fucked it all up too and it's a mess and I'm just climbing back through it as best as I can as I go #will hopefully make at least one of you feel a tiny bit less alone

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aceghosts · 1 month

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WIP Wednesday

Hey Everybody! I was tagged by @carlosoliveiraa, @captmactavish, @alexxmason, @cassietrn, @cloudofbutterflies92, @nightbloodbix, and others I'm probably missing, lol.

Tagging (Opt In/Out): @bbrocklesnar, @marivenah, @amalkavian, @clicheantagonist, @socially-awkward-skeleton, @voidika, @confidentandgood, @theelderhazelnut, @direwombat, @captastra, @strangefable, @katsigian, @inafieldofdaisies, @simplegenius042, and anyone else who wants to do this!

Since I'm procrastinating about posting Rooney and Yorinobu's first real conversation due to a bad case of perfectionism, I've been working on some prompts/taking some screenshots. This first snippet is from early on in CP2077 after Rooney and Yorinobu cross paths again. And despite being an ex, Rooney is worried for him:

“I am fine,” He dismisses with a wave of his hand, “Any update on the Relic?” “Yorinobu, you look like shit. Seriously, when did you last sleep?” He adores many things about Rooney, but once they focus on something, it is nearly impossible to draw their attention away. They won’t let go until they get an answer, and Yorinobu is not in the mood to deal with this. “I do not pay you to worry about my health. I pay you to find the Relic. I will ask again:-“ “I’m not asking because you pay me,” Rooney sounds frustrated, digging their heels in, “I’m asking because I care, and apparently, you do need someone to worry about your health. Doesn't look like Hanako or anyone else at Arasaka is doing it.”

The second prompt is definitely keeping with the trend of Rooney and Yorinobu being relentless flirts with each other. While I've kept this snippet relatively PG, this prompt is gonna be nsfw. I'll probably do another taglist for anyone who wants to be tagged in stuff like that; I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Anyway, here is the second snippet (Please ignore the placeholder name; It's not important, lol):

“Is that what I am? A distraction?” He asks playfully, pressing a kiss to the corner of their jaw, “You should teach me a lesson for being so distracting.” Damnit, it almost works on them. Everyone knew that under all the tough exterior, Rooney was a softie for the people they love, especially Yorinobu. “Yori, you know I didn’t mean it like that; I really need to focus right now.” They really want to get up to whatever trouble he’s cooked up in his head, but duty calls. “Understood,” He acquiesces with no hard feelings, “Please promise that you’ll make time for us tomorrow night. We need to go to the [Name]’s party.”

Also, I am continuing to mess around in photomode. I'm not feeling great about any of my shots, but I thought I would share two that I kind of liked of Rooney:

I'm also not feeling great about my Rooney/Yorinobu shots either, but I did figure out how to get into the Arasaka Estate and took some Rooney/Yorinobu shots there, lol:

#WIP Wednesday #we're still in cyberpunk hell lads #the rooney fic tag #commander rooney shepard #I won't let fear compromise who I am #OTP: It always comes right back to you #I'm sure everything looks fine #I'm just feeling very weird about my stuff right now #work is also gonna get stressful for me over the next few weeks #and I have a feeling that is also contributing to my lack of happiness with everything #I'm also-in addition to procrastinating on that fic-am procrastinating on a Relic AU edit for Rooney

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docresa · 18 days

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Today I had the best time volunteering for a teaching project (which is led by our chief vascular surgeon).

That is, apart from the fact that we ran into some of our abdominal surgery attendings, who gave me a massive (verbal) side-eye for technically hanging out with the vascular surgeons in my free time. (Some of them don’t really see eye to eye, both medically and personally).

And I’m soooo sick of it, can’t I just try to figure out what I eventually want to do with my career without having to navigate a social and political minefield?

#yes I am technically an abdominal surgery resident #but since we are a general surgery department we do both thoracics and vascular as well #and both have been pursuing me to switch to their respective subspecialties #it’s putting a lot of stress on me tbh #because there are a lot of expectations #and I’m a stupid little people pleaser and I don’t want to disappoint anyone #and also I get excited by so many things #I get excited by pancreatic surgery as much as aortic surgery #though I’m at a point in my training where I do neither #which is ok btw #but how am I going to figure this out?#especially if everything I dip a toe in one department the other two get offended #and also there are some co-residents who would be very happy to have less competition in their respective fields #so there‘ll always be comments there as well #if anyone has any advice #please let me know #this is stressing me out #(and yes I do realize that this a very first world problem)#it’s still stressing me out though #and there is sooo much to finding a good mentor #I probably overthink this wayyyy to much #but yeah #After two weeks of actual vacation #(like actually being on another continent doing something completely unrelated)#my brain took the first best thing to cling to #sigh #resa rambles #residency #medblr #surgery

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 8 months

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Why has Barnaby made TWO hospital visits in one year??? What was the first one about??? [<-Talking about the Human AU]

no yeah the first one was Howdy's brief stint (a couple hours) for the whole smoke inhilation minor injuries from the fire thing.

the second one was for Wally's festive lil car crash where he comes very close to Fuckign Dying!!! and. well. technically there are many different visits for that one cause he's in the hospital for a hot sec, but yk. technically only two hospital-worthy events