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star-anise · 3 years

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Ok, I'll bite. What *is* the difference between Bridgerton and Jane Austen in relationship to their skirts?

Oh! Not in their costuming, just in their general *waves hands* everything. It's a comment I see a lot about Bridgerton: "Well, it's not much like Austen, is it?"

That's because there are 200 years of literary history between the two, and they have not been empty!

This ended up being 1.5k words, but when I put stuff under a readmore, people don't actually read it and then just yell at me because of a misread of the 1/10th of the post they did read. Press j to skip or get ready to do a lot of scrolling (It takes four generous flicks to get past on my iPhone).

First I'll say my perspective on this is hugely shaped by Sherwood Smith, who has done a lot of research on silver fork novels and the way the Regency has been remembered in the romance genre.

The Regency and Napoleonic eras stretch from basically the 1790s to 1820, and after that, it was hard to ignore the amount of social change happening in Britain and Europe. The real watershed moment is the 1819 Peterloo Massacre, where 60,000 working-class people protesting for political change were attacked by a militia. The issues of poverty, class, industrialization, and social change are inescapable, and we end up with things like the 1832 Reform Act and 1834 Poor Law.

This is why later novelists, like Charles Dickens and Elizabeth Gaskell, are so concerned with the experiences of the urban poor. Gaskell's North and South has been accurately described as "Pride and Prejudice for socialists."

So almost as soon as it ended, people started to look back and mythologize the Regency as a halcyon era, back when rich people could just live their rich lives and fret about "only" having three hundred pounds a year to live on. Back when London society was the domain of hereditary landowners, when you weren't constantly meeting with jumped-up industrialists and colonials.

Jane Austen is kind of perfect for this because she comes at the very end of the long eighteenth century, and her novels show hints of the tremors that are about to completely reshape England, but still comfortably sit in the old world. ("The Musgroves, like their houses, were in a state of alteration, perhaps of improvement. The father and mother were in the old English style, and the young people in the new. Mr and Mrs Musgrove were a very good sort of people; friendly and hospitable, not much educated, and not at all elegant. Their children had more modern minds and manners.")

Sherwood Smith covers the writers who birthed the Silver Fork genre in detail, but there's one name that stands out in its history more than any other: Georgette Heyer.

Georgette Heyer basically single-handedly established the Regency Romance as we know it today. Between 1935 and 1972, she published 26 novels set in a meticulously researched version of London of the late 18th and early 19th century. She took Silver Fork settings and characters and turned them into a highly recognizable set of tropes, conventions, and types. (As Sherwood points out, her fictional Regency England isn't actually very similar to the period as it really happened; it's like Arthurian Camelot, a mythical confection with a dash of truth for zest.)

Regency Romance is an escapist genre in which a happy, prosperous married life is an attainable prize that will solve everything for you. Georgette Heyer's novels are bright, sparkling, delightful romps through a beautiful and exotic world. Her female characters have spirit and vivacity, and are allowed to have flaws and make mistakes without being puritanically punished for them. Her romances have real unique sparks to them. She's able to write a formula over and over without it becoming dull.

And.... well. The essay that introduced me to Heyer still, in my opinion, says it best:

Here's the thing about Georgette Heyer: she hates you. Or, okay, she doesn't hate you, exactly. It's just that unless you are white, English, and upper class (and hale, and hearty, and straight, and and and), she thinks you are a lesser being. [...W]ith Heyer, I knew where I stood: somewhere way below the bottom rung of humanity. Along with everyone else in the world except Prince William and four of his friends from Eton, which really took away the sting. But my point is: if you are not that white British upper-class person of good stock and hearty bluffness and a large country estate, the only question for you is which book will contain a grimly bigoted caricature of you featuring every single stereotyped trait ever associated with your particular group. (You have to decide for yourself if really wonderful female characters and great writing are worth the rest of it.)

So Heyer created the genre, but she exacerbated the flaw that was always at the heart of fiction about the Regency, was that its appeal was not having to deal with the inherent rot of the British aristocracy. I think part of why it's such a popular genre in North America specifically is that we often don't know much British history, so we can focus more on the perfume and less on the dank odor it's hiding.

And like, escapism is not a bad thing. Romance writers as a community have sat down and said: We are an escapist genre. The Romance Writers of America, one of the biggest author associations out there, back when they were good, have foundationally said: "Two basic elements comprise every romance novel: a central love story and an emotionally satisfying and optimistic ending." A strong part of the community argue that publishing in the genre is a "contract" between author and reader: If it's marketed as a romance book, there's a Happily Ever After. If there's no Happily Ever After, it's not romance.

It's important for people to be able to take a break from the stresses of their lives and do things that are enjoyable. But the big question the romance genre in particular has to deal with is, who should be allowed to escape? Is it really "escapist" if only white, straight, upper class, able-bodied thin cis people get to escape into it? In historical romance, this is especially an issue for POC and LGBTQ+ people. It's taken a lot of work, in a genre dominated by the Georgette Heyers of the world, to try to hew out the space for optimistic romances for people of colour or LGBTQ+ people. These are minority groups that deal with a literally damaging amount of stress in real lives; they are in especial need of sources of comfort, refuge, community, and encouragement. For brief introductions to the issue, I can give you Talia Hibbert on race, and KJ Charles on LGBTQ+ issues.

Up until the 1990s, the romance genre evolved slowly. It did evolve; Sarah Wendell and Candy Tan's Beyond Heaving Bosoms charts the demise of the "bodice-ripper" genre as it became more acceptable for women to have and enjoy sex. The historical romance genre became more accommodating to non-aristocratic heroines, or ones that weren't thin or conventionally pretty. The first Bridgerton book, The Duke and I, was published in 2000, and has that kind of vibe: Its characters are all white but not all of them are aristocrats, its heroines are frequently not conventionally beautiful and occasionally plump, and its cultivation to modern sensibility is reflected in its titles, which reference popular media of today.

This is just my impression, but I think that while traditional mainstream publishing was beginning to diversify in the 1990s, the Internet was what really made diverse romance take off. Readers, reviewers, and authors could talk more freely on the internet, which allowed books to become unlikely successes even if their publishers didn't promote them very much. Then e-publishing meant that authors could market directly to their readers without the filter of a publishing house, and things exploded. Indie ebooks proved that there was a huge untapped market.

One of my favourite books, Zen Cho's Sorcerer to the Crown, is an example of what historical romance is like today; it's a direct callback and reclamation of Georgette Heyer, with a dash of "Fuck you and all your prejudices" on top of it. It fearlessly weaves magic into a classic Heyer plot, maintaining the essential structure while putting power into the hands of people of colour and non-Western cultures, enjoying the delights of London society while pointing out and dodging around the rot. It doesn't erase the ugliness, but imagines a Britain that is made better because its poor, its immigrants, its people of colour, and the foreign countries it interacts with have more power to make their voices heard and to enforce their wills. Another book I've loved that does the same thing is Courtney Milan's The Duke Who Didn't.

So then... Bridgerton the TV show is trying to take a book series with a very middle-of-the-road approach to diversity, differing from Heyer but not really critiquing her, and giving it a facelift to bring it up to date.

So to be honest, although it's set in the same time period as Austen, it's not in the least her literary successor. It's infinitely more "about" the past 30 years of conversation and art in the romance genre than it is about books written 200 years ago.

#staranise original #regency romance #bridgerton #long post

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letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 4 years

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what do you do when youre convinced everyone hates you

...it’s a good thing you’re not asking this question a few years ago nonny or the answers would have been very unhealthy.

First, I watch a movie, TV show, or read a book that makes me cry and have a lot of emotions. Experiencing that emotion and crying it out is cathartic, and I’ve found if nothing else, it helps me to have a good cry and then be so tired from it I can sleep deeply.

Second, sleep. I recommend melatonin, which you can get as a pill and is a naturally occurring hormone that your body releases when it’s trying to sleep. But any sleeping pills you rely on will do. Drink water, have a light snack, put on some sleepytime music, and take a good long rest. If it’s the middle of the day, pop a pill and conk out for a few hours. Everything seems better after a good rest.

Third, journal. Writing down your thoughts can help you organize them and often help you see how silly they are. I’ve gone on some wild fucking spirals myself and just writing out my self-hating spirals about how I was unlovable and going to die alone eaten by wild dogs helped me see that I was being too hard on myself. And if nothing else it helps to get your thoughts out somewhere.

Fourth, eat and drink. There’s a saying that if you think everyone hates you, go to bed, and if you hate everyone, eat something, and that holds true for me, but you’re also just more emotional when you’re hungry so if you feel crappy, being hungry will exacerbate it.

In the long term, it might help you to take pictures/screenshots of positive conversations with friends and family, print them out, and make a little wall of them somewhere in your room. Put up pictures of you and your loved ones together. When you’re feeling down you can look at them and remember that you are loved and valued. Be sure to put up new pictures/screenshots periodically and shuffle them because eventually your brain will stop noticing it and mentally skip over it if it’s too static. It’s how we manage to not notice things like crooked paintings or weird smells in our apartments, we grew used to it and our brain just didn’t fucking send the signal to us anymore.

If possible, I always recommend therapy, but I understand that’s not an option for everyone.

Also in the long term, start marking in your calendar whenever you feel this way. I don’t know your gender and my knowledge is mostly regarding women, so you might have to do some research if your gender is otherwise, but that fun thing called a period that we get every month can give us some fucking wild mood swings. Some women get suicidal or heavily depressed for a week every month. So if you chart these moods and realize hey, for a week before my period I feel like everyone hates me, that might be something to talk to your doctor about. There could be helpful medication for you. At the very least it’s something you can be aware of and manage on your own, if you don’t have a doctor (like moi).

If you’re still really concerned, you can always ask your friends. Be kind. “Hey, this is probably all in my head, but I feel like I’ve made you uncomfortable lately/you’ve been pulling away lately/insert articulation of feelings here. Is there anything I can do to improve our friendship? Or are we okay?” A frank and kind discussion can work wonders. And if there is stuff you can improve on, well now you know it and can work on it.

Because the thing is - I have never found an instance where someone was genuinely hated by everyone they knew. I haven’t. But it can be true that there are behavioral things someone needs to work on. I’ve had friends who were struggling to become better people, and had bad habits. And if you have bad habits in your behavior, habits that hurt people or make them uncomfortable or annoy them - then you could be possibly picking up on the discomfort of those people. So there is a possibility that there is an issue there.

Be open to hearing about that issue from friends. “You play mind games with me so I can prove I still love you.” “You interrupt people all the time so they don’t feel heard.” “You always jump to the worst possible conclusion.” “You call me at all hours of the day and don’t respect my schedule.” Those are all real things I have had to tell friends in the past. I didn’t hate those friends. I loved them dearly. But those were things they needed to work on. So even if the worst is true and there is an issue that’s putting a wedge between you and others, it’s still not enough to earn their hate. And be open to hearing about it and working on it. We all have things to improve on sometimes, including me.

And believe your friends when they tell you they love you. There are few things more hurtful than when someone you love asks if you do, and you assure them of your affection, and then they turn around and refuse to believe you. It’s basically them calling you a liar. Don’t do that to your friends. Even if you don’t understand why they do, believe them when they say they love you. If they are lying (they’re not, but let’s pretend) that’s on their conscience, not yours.

Remember - be kind to yourself, nonny. We are much harsher on ourselves than we are on others. The traits you condemn in yourself, you either don’t notice in others or forgive them for. We’re so eager to give second chance to others and never to ourselves. Even if the world does hate you (it doesn’t, but let’s pretend), that’s no excuse for you to hate yourself. Treat yourself, eat well, get sleep, talk to yourself with gentleness and care. Act like you are your own fragile house plant. People are drawn to those with confidence, people who see value in themselves. So what have you got to lose?

Stay safe, dear nonny. I’m hugging you in my heart.

#mads answers things #self love #mental health

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benperorsolo · 5 years

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What do you think Ben would’ve been like if he’d had a chance to be well-adjusted and supported from the beginning? What do you think he will be like post-redemption?

I think his base personality would remain basically the same; that’s a basic tenet of SW philosophy. You are the person you are, and your nature is your nature. You can’t run away from it by joining the dark side and going by a dark-side name and wearing a mask, and if you try to run away, you only cause yourself pain. Ben is Ben in any continuity; what changes is how the environment brings out his traits, and in the case of post-redemption or an AU where Snoke was not involved, then what mostly changes is Ben not being involved in Really Bad Coping Methods for his problems.

By base personality, I mean: As in the TLJ novelization where Ben is described by Snoke as being too light and sentimental/compassionate, he would probably still be an intense, emotionally driven person who takes things too deeply to heart and for that reason is prone to moods, especially self-critical ones. He would probably still express his emotions in a highly physical way– though if he’s well adjusted then I imagine he takes it out on his calligraphy and probably a contact sport or two. He probably would still have a tinge of the noblesse oblige entitlement he has in canon, although used more productively, and meeting Rey in any continuity would force him to rethink it.

If you’re talking post-redemption, I think Ben will be mostly all of the above except a lot more self-loathing and defeatist in the beginning. Not to self plug, but my redemption fic is basically this question in longform format, so if you wanna check it out, that’s there.

Ben already thinks he’s a monster, that “it’s too late” for him to come back home, and that to me indicates that Ben feels like nothing he could ever do could atone for what he’s already done. I imagine that a freshly redeemed Ben would not feel like he deserved any good thing and that it will take a lot of healing, patience, and convincing for him to start to think otherwise. He will probably still be convinced that he is a bad person long after the people in his life and the larger galaxy change their minds. Imo he will have mellowed considerably from his TFA persona, because a lot of Ben’s anger is caused and exacerbated/encouraged by the Dark Side; he has never been allowed to healthily deal with his trauma, because the dark side is fuelled by pain and anger and hate. But once Ben lets go of his hate, and learns how to deal with his problems in a healthy way, then a lot of that explosive volatility is going to go with it, because that volatility is a side-effect of his ongoing, unhealed pain. As @greyjedireylo observes, how he behaves with Rey is a pretty good indicator of how is behavior would/will be post-redemption, imo.

And because Ben remembers so vividly the difficulties he had as a child, and just generally remembers feeling like an outsider, I think he ends up connecting a lot to children– on his end because he wants to help them where he wasn’t helped, but also (not that he’d admit this to himself in the beginning, because it’s a “good” thing he doesn’t deserve) because the kids don’t know his past and don’t judge him for it. Growing up as a Skywalker and then as a villain, I think Ben is hyper-conscious about always needing to present some sort of public persona, and it has historically been easier for him to simply play the villain that people expected him (or he thought people expected him) to be because the alternative is to be a vulnerable wreck of a person, and a person he himself doesn’t even really like that much. That’s why Ben is much more comfortable around Rey/kids/animals than adults, until he gradually starts to unlearn this behavior. I think ultimately he becomes a person who is known for being a bit of the Patron Saint of the Lost, a staid, thoughtful person who people would probably not even expect to be who he is until someone crosses those he loves.

#asks #nonnie #cs ben

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squidproquoclarice · 5 years

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Don't know what you'd think of this, but my read on Dutch is that his first concern is his own safety, and when his safety isn't a concern his talk is genuine. When everything starts going to shit his selfish nature comes to the forefront and he subconsciously ramps up the manipulation tactics. And I don't how Ch 6 Dutch would have behaved if he wasn't Post-Hosea and brain damaged.

I’m wrapping this into another Ask of “You believe Dutch never loved Arthur, John, or any of them?”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~To answer second Ask very directly, I’d say no, that Dutch never loved any of them. But that’s due to asking “What is love?” (Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more). I’m saying that with the perspective that real, genuine love needs empathy, selflessness, concern for the other person first above yourself. You can be very fond and affectionate and caring, but if you’re a narcissist who will always, always instinctively want to put yourself first, if you’ll sacrifice them for your needs, then yeah, you don’t truly love them. You can’t. But none of them knew it, including perhaps Dutch, because they weren’t pushed anywhere near that until 1899. The only vague hint we have is his implied habit of going through women and treating them as somewhat dispensable. (I do think he was fond of Annabelle, but if you dig into it, I’m going to guess at its core it’s mostly anger that something of his was taken from him. He only talks about her in a sense of outrage that Colm killed her, not the grief for her as a person. Contrast that to Hosea’s very real grief for Bessie.)To the first Nonny, I think you’re right. I never would say Dutch is all a cynical act. He does like and care about these people. He’s taken them in when they’ve been lost souls and given them a family, and yes, there’s certainly an angle of self-interest in preying on their vulnerability–the ones he finds as kids are particularly painful–but it’s clear he also enjoys these people. He likes them. He’s not just seeing them as little toy soldiers who he has to fool by playing nice so he can use them.The trouble with Dutch is, as you say, when the good times are good, his better nature is there. He can be kind, generous, funny, and it’s easier to downplay the darkest part of the reality, that he’s a silver-tongued egomaniac who’s drawn all these people together into an anarchosocialist cult with him as their godhead. But there’s room for kindness. There’s room for affection and pride. There’s room for him to see Hosea as (almost) his equal and treat him and his opinion with great respect. Though the fact that it’s very definitively the Van Der Linde Gang, not the Van Der Linde/Matthews Gang, makes it clear that Hosea may be a brother, but definitely subordinate. There were other outlaw gangs with a more equal partnership definitely noted: the James/Younger Gang, for example, or Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid getting equal billing in the Hole In The Wall Gang. In this case, Hosea’s the quieter junior partner, and even he eventually observes how he’s fallen under Dutch’s spell.Most violently oriented cults don’t hold together for years on end. I think there’s a reason for that. Technically the gang’s been in existence for at least 23 (?) years, since I believe Hosea’s news article details him and Dutch breaking out of prison in Ohio in 1876. They found Arthur in 1877. Hosea had Bessie, and it sounds like Susan is also an OG. But that was that for a while, until they brought John into it in 1885. That changed things again, but I’d argue that the early days of the gang were very different. It was a small group: Dutch, Hosea, Bessie as Team Mom, Susan leaving her role as Dutch’s lover and becoming Team Spinster Aunt, Dutch’s current lover in any given year, Arthur growing into manhood and his role as Annoyed Older Brother, and John as Little Brother. That small core family of two kids, two dads, one mom and one aunt (though Bessie sounds to have died before the gang really exploded in size) and one revolving-door girlfriend, seems to have been a fairly set dynamic until c. 1892 or 1893. It sounds to have been fairly stable, tight-knit, warm and affectionate. I suspect Arthur’s anxiety settled down when he saw that he’d always be treated and respected as the eldest son, and he and John were actually pretty close until John fucked up with Abigail. The closest that anyone came to leaving was Arthur riding off for a few days every couple of months to go see Eliza and Isaac. This also sounds like the best days of the gang in terms of charity—that article from the bank robbery from the mid-late 1880s that’s clearly Dutch, Hosea, and Arthur happened, and they promptly went and were handing out money to the local poor people and basically being giddy Robin Hoods. Arthur remembers when they used to help people. These were the good days. So in 1892/1893 you have Dutch, Hosea, Arthur, John, Susan, and Dutch’s Current Girlfriend (though I suspect nobody counts her that much since she’s prone to changing every couple of years). I think Bessie is dead by this point since Hosea makes it sound like it happened before most of the gang members were there. So we’ll say this gang is effectively five people, with one more loosely attached honorary member. Suddenly the gang population explodes. It sounds like everyone else joined in the last six years prior to RDR2, probably many in the last two to three. From Pearson’s pic of the stagecoach likely in 1895, given Abigail holding baby Jack, they had Dutch, Hosea, Arthur, Abigail, Susan, John, Pearson, and Bill, and we know Javier was part of it, Tilly sounds to have been. That’s ten right there, maybe more.And I think that swapped the dynamic for Dutch too. Suddenly they’re acquiring every stray, lost soul, and orphan in their path. He’s not just the fond patriarch of a tight-knit family, he’s got to be the leader, the prophet, the Messiah of a Goddamned movement. And I think that exacerbates his narcissism. He has more people to look after, and more people to hold in his sway. His personality becomes bigger. His rhetoric and his plans become more grandiose. He becomes more of the fire-and-brimstone street preacher. The gang becomes less charitable, more insular, more we take care of our own first, because they’re becoming far more dangerously visible with the need to take care of ten, fifteen, twenty people, and the more constant stream of risk and crimes that comes with it. The population explosion pretty much doomed the gang, I think, because it pushed Dutch’s narcissism to deadly levels, and forced them to start taking on bigger and riskier crimes on a more regular basis. By 1896 the clock was probably already ticking down, and the pressure of the next few years ratcheted that up until it finally explodes in the Blackwater Massacre and everything that happens after. So to backtrack: I think the Dutch that Hosea, Bessie, Susan, Arthur, and John knew from c. 1876 to 1893 was a proto-narcissist who would have looked out for ol’ Number 1 when pressed hard, yes, but the situation and dynamic they had was a lot more forgiving and brought out Dutch’s idealism, affection, and the like rather than his worst traits. When the gang started getting bigger, he had more people to hold there, and more risk to keep it all together, the manipulation and grooming and gaslighting ratcheted up too because things had already subtly transformed and started to turn. You can see some of it in Chapters 1-4 with things like him insisting Arthur will betray him and telling Hosea he needs FAITH NOT DOUBTERS but yeah, it’s really Chapters 5 and 6 that show it. Missing Hosea’s restraint and with Arthur as the son being unable to take the role of the brother, and with the likelihood of Traumatic Brain Injury/TBI to boot, there was no other way it could have ended, because those were the final nails in the coffin. But I don’t think it was all Hosea and TBI. The seeds of everyone’s destruction were there long, long before. I don’t think Dutch is this cynical mastermind and that everything is a deliberate act, mind. Both those who say that Dutch changed (Sadie, Charles) and those who say he became who he always was (John, Arthur) are right. He changed and became his true and worst self, and I’m not sure even he fully realized how much he’d been keeping at bay in a far more forgiving situation that let him be his best self.

#dutch van der linde #arthur morgan #john marston #rdr2 #hosea matthews #thank you for coming to my red talk #Anonymous

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straykidsscribbles · 6 years

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It All Started with Carrots

An Anne of Green Gables AU, for the person who has supported this blog since it was just a tiny idea in my head. Thank you for everything @strayboys and Happy Birthday!

Summary: Han Jisung seemed like a terribly interesting person... Too bad he didn’t want anything to do with you.

Or- where Han Jisung and Anne Shirley have quite a few traits in common...

Word Count: 2670, the first in my classic literature AUs series!

See my masterlist for other works! Also, I do believe this needs a sequel....

You dropped your rather heavy bag onto the floor with a thump and flopped into your chair. First day of school, new year, new classes. And so, of course, you had all kinds of extra supplies in your bag, not knowing exactly what you’d need.

Luckily, you were right next to a window, and you could see the school lawn and duck pond outside. At least that would be something of a welcome distraction during Literature class. I hope this year goes well, after transferring over the summer I’m not entirely sure how this will work out. Why did I have to move so late in high school? You wondered as you pulled out a pen. Every single class, first we get a syllabus then we get the nice lengthy lecture about how “academic dishonesty will not be tolerated” I mean really you’d think people would understand that by now.

The boy sitting in front of you seemed to be far too occupied with the window as well. He kept staring outside and ignoring the pile of papers on his desk, which he was supposed to have passed back by now.

He really was oblivious. No amount of tapping or whispering seemed to get his attention; he was well and truly lost in his own little world.

Finally, frustration spilled over.

“Psst! Carrots! Carrots!” you hissed, tugging a small lock of his hair lightly. It had been one of the first things you noticed about him, the outlandish color a spot of brightness.

He snapped out of his daze in a flash. “What the—” clearly stopping himself from cursing in class “You little brat! How dare you!”

Anger rose in his voice, and he scrunched up the syllabus he had just been given and threw it right at your head. It hit you right in the face, leaving you with a small paper cut on your upper cheek.

“Excuse me! What on earth is going on here?” barked your new teacher, clearly infuriated by this display. “Throwing projectiles is forbidden in my classroom. Does this look like some sort of gym? I will see you after class, to discuss your punishment young man.” Soft sniggers rose up around the room, and you felt your face grow hot.

It was my fault, I shouldn’t have pulled his hair… Biting down the retort, you slumped forward in your seat, happy daydreams vanishing into thin air. The stinging on your left cheek didn’t help either. I guess it was semi-deserved… I did provoke him. But really? Throwing paper?

Public humiliation on the first day of school? Check. He threw paper at your face after all. Your friends would never let you live this down.

Truly a fantastic start to the year.

---

After receiving a rather blistering warning from his new literature teacher and a threat of “detention if this happens again _____, and the only reason I’m letting you off is because it’s the first day” Jisung stomped outside towards his locker, annoyed. Well, annoyed was putting it a bit mildly.

He was seething.

“Hey _____, wait up!” came the voice of his best friend. Jisung slowed just a touch to let Jeongin catch up. I’m not taking my anger out on him, that’s unfair. “What happened? What did the teacher say?”

Pro of having your best friend in class with you: you got to chat over the homework and you always had a partner for group work.

Con: you’d never be able to hide your fights.

Whoops.

“I got out of detention since it’s the first day, but he was really mad. I was lucky,” he replied as he opened his locker. Suddenly, he felt someone tapping his shoulder again.

“Ummm… Jisung?” you asked hesitantly. Why are you bothering me again JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YOU BLITHERING IDIOT. “I wanted to apologize for startling you and calling you Carrots, I just thought it was a cute nickname. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Your apology is noted. Excuse me, I need to get home.” _____ is getting absolutely nowhere with me. No. Where. He turned on his heel and stormed angrily towards the hallway exit, leaving you gaping behind him.

Jeongin quickly caught up with Jisung. “Jisungie, I can’t believe you were so harsh! You do realize who that was right?”

“No, and I don’t care.”

“That was _____, half the school pines after them. I can’t believe you just left them like that!” The amazement in his voice only exacerbated your annoyance.

“Well if half the school pines after them then they can go and bother that half. I’m never going to acknowledge them again.”

He weren’t entirely right about that. _____ turned out to be a pretty hard person to ignore.

---

These kinds of parties are always nice. It’s fun to hang out outside of school. You thought to yourself as you chatted with a few of your classmates. Our of the corner of your eye, you spotted one of the more irritating girls in the school, Josie, trying to talk to Jisung.

After a brief discourse, the two came over to your little group, Jisung trudging after her. His expression was one of acute distaste, and you couldn’t help but smirk. Clearly he finds her as irritating as everyone else does.

As your little group walked over to the fence, Josie clambered on top of it and slowly balanced her way across it. She jumped off at the end and looked right at Jisung. “I suppose you think that was oh so easy for anyone to do?”

What is her issue? Does she have to make everything a contest? Things are a lot more fun if it’s friendly competition, not the cutthroat fights she loves. That girl and her drama obsession. Still, you stayed silent. Talking to her just gave her more ammunition after all.

Jisung rolled his eyes and turned to Jeongin. “I suppose some people think balancing on a fence is impressive. I saw a kid walk across the portables’ roof a few years ago, that was way more interesting.”

Josie looked almost apoplectic at his calm response. “Well, we have portables right there! Why don’t you walk across it then if you think walking on top of a chain fence is easy.”

Jisung’s somewhat legendary temper appeared to be making a reappearance. “Fine then. Watch me.”

“No, _____, you’ll get hurt!” you cried.

“I will be perfectly fine _____, thank you for your unnecessary concern. Excuse me for a moment.” He maneuvered himself up the adjacent fence and stood on the portable roof, about eleven feet in the air. That looks awfully high… I remember we tried to climb on the shed to set up a water bucket to drench the bio teacher last Sunday. We almost fell, and he really looks like he’s about to fall off. Plus that shed was half the height of the portable.

“Be careful!” called Jeongin from the middle of the crowd. Jisung slowly walked across the roof, trying to maintain his balance on the slippery tiles. Who knew it would be so slippery? No turning back now I suppose, he thought.

Just as he reached the end, where the others all stood waiting for him to get down, his foot slipped.

Jisung lost his footing.

And tumbled straight off the edge of the roof and onto the ground below.

“Jisung!” yelled Jeongin as he ran over to him. “Are you okay? Oh no you’re dead this is awful my best friend is dead.”

“No, I’m alive you idiot. I think I hurt my foot though.” Jisung tried to sit up, and immediately Jeongin and Felix came around to help him up.

You knelt and slowly pulled off Jisung’s sneaker, trying your best not to move it much. “I think you broke your ankle _____, I broke mine last year with soccer. Come on, we should get you to the nurse.” You reached over to help him up, but he batted your hand away.

“Thank you for your concern _____. Jeongin can help me over there and it’s already stopped hurting a lot.” Well. I was just trying to be nice. I mean, how long is he going to hold a grudge I literally just called him Carrots, it’s not like it’s something bad. He turned away and began limping towards the office, gingerly avoiding putting weight on his right ankle.

You stared after him, disappointed. I wish I hadn’t opened my big mouth. I wish we could be friends.

Too bad the day Han Jisung forgives me is the day hell freezes over.

---

“Come on Jisung, it’s a perfectly safe boat! You’ll be fine! Just paddle over and we’ll meet you on the other end of the river!” Jisung, Felix, and Jeongin were at the park in the middle of the town, and the two boys had had the utterly brilliant idea of teaching Jisung how to handle a small rental paddle boat.

Unfortunately, their concept of teaching was basically just telling him to let the current carry him and leave him to try it on his own.

Such excellent teaching, really.

Still, he gingerly stepped into the boat and settled in, oars in the oarlocks. “And I don’t need to row at all. I just let the current float me over there.”

“Yup! Easy!” chirped Felix as he untied the rope. “We’ll see you on that side!”

Easy my foot, he thought

Still, things seemed to be going alright. It was actually quite peaceful on the stream, and listening to the light rush of water was very soothing.

Wait.

Rush of water?

Are my toes getting wet?

He stared down in horror at the small leak in the corner of the boat that was filling the space with water. And they said this was safe. Guess not.

Brain working at light speed, he stared around, wondering how on earth he’d get out of this predicament. Then, he spotted it.

The bicycle bridge over the stream. The support beam for the central arch was just close enough for him to grab it.

Here goes… Jisung reached over and jumped from the boat onto the pillar. Thankfully there was a small ledge that was just big enough for him to land on.

Okay. Soaking avoided. Now how do I get out of this without getting wet?

Just then, he heard the soft stroke of oars.

See, you’d discovered the little river close to your house soon after you arrived. And it was one of your favorite places to just take a boat and relax with a book.

So of course, you were enjoying the light breeze and soft splashing of the water, when you saw the bedraggled figure clinging to the bridge.

“Well well well. Jisung, how do you get into these scrapes?” You couldn’t hide the wry humor filling your voice. How the tables have tabled… look who needs my help now. Luckily for him, I don’t keep the kind of grudges he does.

“Magic.” Jisung replied flatly. “Do you mind giving me a ride to the other shore?”

“Oh wow, you’re asking for my help? Well, be my guest, your highness, step right in.” You gestured to the seat opposite you, holding out a hand to help him in. He batted it away, clearly not willing to take any more aid from you than he could help.

In silence, you headed down the small river until you reached the other landing, where you both stepped out onto the wood planking. Well, surprise surprise, he didn’t shove me into the water. Maybe he’ll listen to some sort of apology attempt?

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

There was a slight pause, as you steeled your nerves to say something. “I… I wanted to apologize for my stupid comments that first day. I shouldn’t have said that, especially to a stranger.”

He wavered for a moment. Please, just accept the apology. You can’t hate me forever. Just then, you heard a yell from Jeongin, who was standing at the water’s edge.

“Jisung!! You’re alright! We were so scared when we saw the boat disappear under the water!” He yelled.

“I have to go,” he muttered to you as he clambered over the coils of rope towards his friends.

“Wait, Jisung!” you called after him. I’m sorry. Your hair was the first thing that caught my attention and I love carrots it’s not even like I meant it as an insult. I was wrong to say it and I’ve been beating myself up over it ever since.

Still, you swallowed down the words.

After all, he didn’t look back.

---

“Here are your final exams. You all did extremely well, and I’m proud of you. Jisung, _____, you two especially, your essays were phenomenal.” Your teacher smiled as he handed out the corrected exam papers. “I’d like to see you both after class, alright? Don’t worry, neither of you is in trouble.”

“Of course,” you replied, pulling your paper towards you. I wonder what all of this is about… I hope it’s nothing bad.

As the rest of the class filed out, happy that the day was over, you and Jisung made your way over to the front of the class.

“As you two may know, I’m the head of the summer camp at the school. I needed a few students to help lead the project this year, and I was wondering if one of you would be interested.” Your eyes widened in excitement. A summer camp? Where I’d get to teach? This would be amazing.

“Of course I’m interested sir!” you replied, excitement filling your voice.

“_____, I know you’ve been doing quite well in your science classes, especially biology. Perhaps you’d be able to hold little nature walks and talk about the different plants and bugs you see. And Jisung, your writing is amazing, you could do a lot of good teaching these kids how to express themselves through words.”

I mean, biology is one of my favorite things, and I was considering going into pre-med… this is a huge opportunity. I just don’t know how it will work with Jisung constantly angry with me.

Your teacher continued, “You see, the only problem is that I know you two absolutely do not get along. So I would like to ask if you two think you can put your differences aside.”

Jisung drew breath to reply, but you beat him to it. “If Jisung wants to work alone, I don’t mind. This whole thing started because of me anyways.” You looked down, embarrassed. “It’s up to you really. And for what it’s worth, I really am sorry. Can’t we be friends? Please?”

After this I’ll give up. At this point, nothing else seems to work.

“No, _____, I was wrong. I’d… I’d like to be friends too. Working with you this summer should be fun. Besides, Carrots isn’t a terrible nickname, I was just a little too sensitive about my hair.”

“Can I ask why?” It had been bothering you ever since he took offense to your comment. Why did it bug him so much?

“This was the first time my hair had been such an outlandish color at school, and I was sort of nervous about it and how it would be received… and then you teasing me about it just sort of made me snap.” I’d never have guessed it was something like this. He always seemed so confident.

“For what it’s worth, the orange looks great on you, Carrots!” You threw in an exaggerated wink for good measure, eliciting a laugh from the boy.

He has a cute giggle. He should laugh more.

Your teacher smiled knowingly in the background. “Well, I’m glad you two got this straightened out. You two will be unstoppable together.”

Smiling over at Jisung, you couldn’t help feeling like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

Now maybe things would be better.

A new beginning, a new season.

#I hope you like it #sorry its so late fjkdsjf #i had to rewrite a great deal of it unfortunately only today because my brain stopped working last night #stray kids #sk-writersnet #straykidsdirectory #stray kids han #han jisung #han #jisung #stray kids scenarios #stray kids x reader #stray kids x neutral reader #stray kids jisung #stray kids han jisung #classic literature au #anne of green gables au #frostscribbles

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the-lewdest-concubine · 5 years

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How do you manage your schizophrenia? If you don't mind me asking ofc. Don't answer if you don't feel comfortable. (:

Nah bro. It’s 100% okay. I tend to be fully open about this online because its a condition that scares a lot of people...because they don’t fucking know what it actually entails...or they don’t understand that you CAN in fact live a normal life with “serious” mental illness in many cases. But like, if you don’t talk about it...then people stay fearful and uneducated. And LMAO...I don’t take shit from anyone.

I'm technically Schizoaffective, which is like the diagnosis of schizophrenia plus a diagnosis of bipolar...so it's a little different than someone who is only schizophrenic. But like I'm very torn on this issue.

The more I tend to read studies and what not, the more I find that schizophrenia/schizoaffective tends to look a lot different between males and females--so females tend to present with mood problems earlier in life that are negative symptoms--meaning something is taken away (depression, blunted affect, withdrawal from life, etc), whereas males tend to present first with positive symptoms (hallucinations, delusions, hearing voices) and receive a schizophrenia diagnosis right away, regardless of whether their mood is affected. Hence the literature tends to say that males develop the disorder earlier (late teens-early 20′s) and females develop it later (late 20′s-early 30′s).

So like me, I was first diagnosed with depression, then psychotic depression, then bipolar, then schizoaffective once I could prove that I had psychotic symptoms outside of an extreme mood. It seems like the older I got (and thus the longer I went untreated), the more symptoms I had, until I could pretty much write down that I experience every single symptom of schizophrenia that exists in the DSMV. I really wonder what would have happened if my initial signs of depression and what I call my "sterile mind" allowed me to be considered a possible "future schizophrenic"...and then if I'd been given medications early on, if I'd have progressed into what I now live with. Especially since no matter what I took, those traits would get “better” but I’d never actually recover.

But I generally control mine with daily medicine. In the morning I take Wellbutrin (an NDRI) and Vybriid (an SNRI) to manage the mood symptoms. Without these medicines, even just not taking them for a day, I will start randomly crying, refuse to go outside, not talk to people, and feel basically like a dried up husk inside...even though outwardly I appear to be showing emotion. Like its super weird...I'll be either crying or incredibly irritable and agitated...but my brain feels blank inside. No feelings, no thoughts...just annoyance in the fact that my body is just expressing stuff that I don't really actually feel, lol. At night, I take my antipsychotic which right now is Latuda, which is a 2nd gen medicine falling into the category of neuroleptics.

I also go to therapy every Tuesday...which like, it used to exist to try and help me deal with my anxiety and depression aspects of working again after being on disability so long. But honestly, since it took a decade of medication trial and error to both find a diagnosis and get proper treatment...my biggest problem was just the fact that I essentially had a decade of my life stolen that most people use to build themselves. All of my friends were working full time jobs and had been for like 5 years. They were buying houses, and having retirement funds. Some were having children--others said no to kids but traveled the world. Like it was like the world around me had gone on and I'd been frozen in suffering, unable to progress from essentially being 18 to being 28 when I got the correct diagnosis. I have missing memories from periods of cognitive pseudodementia that constitute years of time that other people have built lives from. And being that age and having nothing to have or say for myself for a decade other than "I survived, didn't kill myself, I cry less, and I only remember about 3 out of the last 10 years" was just kind of hard to swallow compared to what was expected of someone my age and socioeconomic class and education. THAT is what I needed to uncover and process before I could move on and function well in the world.

Other things that help me are getting regular sleep. One of my old medications (Geodon) gave me brain damage and ruined my ability to regulate sleep/wake...so I ended up developing narcolepsy when I was around 25. So the bugaboo there is that without medication to treat that, I'll be exhausted all day, but when I do sleep, it's very light/not deep and restful. So I do have some medicines that regulate that--Nuvigil allows me to stay alert during the day, and I either take melatonin at night or Lunesta if I truly cannot sleep.

Any anxiety that I have, which tends to be exacerbated by psychosis (I mean you try lying in bed and hearing some strange lady screaming in your room with nobody there to be found, or suddenly believing that people on the radio are playing songs with lyrics that are talking about you, or watching strange creatures or corpses pop into existence in your livingroom) I treat with the drug Klonopin, which is a benzodiazapine. Lol, like it's amazing how much psychosis can progress if you have nothing to stop the feelings of anxiety, when your brain that already isn't thinking correctly, then drives itself further into places with NO rational thoughts. Like only when I'm relaxed and calm can I be like "gee...it makes zero sense that a mythical being is standing in my living room--perhaps it’s not actually real?”So yeah...medication and coping strategies is the short answer. TL;DR is above.

But thank you. I hope this gives some insight into what living with this sort of thing is like. I may write the madness espada...but I’m in much much better shape.

#out of lust #about vixen #mental illness cw #Anonymous

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eldritchsurveys · 6 years

Text

153.

[[ Random Survey Questions // By x-hallie-x]]

1. Have you ever been in an unconventional relationship (long distance, polyamorous, same gender, age gap, etc)? if so, what challenges did this relationship present, and were they worth overcoming? >> I’ve been in all of the examples presented. The challenges remain the same across the board -- communication errors and competing access needs.

2. Would you ever consider something like a poly relationship, assuming everyone involved was alright with it? What are some things you think you would or wouldn’t like about it? >> My relationship is already non-monogamous, although neither of us is actively seeing anyone else in meatspace currently. (”Polyapathetic” is the word I use for it sometimes, lol.) There isn’t anything I don’t like about it.

3. What is the most unhealthy relationship (whether friendship or romantic) you’ve ever had? What made it so unhealthy? Do you still talk to each other? >> Probably the one with the creator of this survey, incidentally. I used to not say anything for the sake of “not causing drama”, but I see where I did myself a disservice in the attempt of doing him a service, one that I don’t necessarily owe him after what he put me through. People can make their own decisions about whether to be friends or lovers with him, after all, and it’s not like I’m running around telling people not to be friends or lovers with him. By all means, if y’all get along, I’m actually glad. He’s sorely in need of healthy interaction, he just definitely can’t get it from me. It was unhealthy because for me he was excessively clingy, demanding, and emotionally manipulative, whereas my attachment style is distant and avoidant, and neither of those styles work well together except, I’d imagine, in unique cases (probably aided by therapy, tbh). He made great demands upon my time and energy and made me feel like I wasn’t allowed to reclaim that time and energy. And so on and so forth. 4. Have you ever been abusive in any way? Were you able to change or make amends, or, in general, what do you think people should do to make amends in that situation? >> I don’t think I’ve been abusive. I know I’ve been accused of being such, and I wouldn’t argue with it because that... doesn’t solve the problem. But from my point of view, having repeatedly educated myself on what abusive behaviour looks like, I can’t see myself fitting into that model. I’ve been unhelpful, reactive, aloof/distant, and callous -- but not abusive. I think the best way to make amends for abusive behaviour is to change one’s behaviour. And change it consistently. And, most importantly, realise that the person you hurt is under no obligation to forgive you or let you back into their lives. If they do, great -- do not squander their forgiveness. If they don’t, that’s their right. You still owe it to yourself, and the people who are in your life, to be better.

5. Have you ever forgiven someone for being abusive or allowed someone toxic back into your life? Did this person change for the better or not? >> Yeah. No.

6. Do you feel like your age matches your emotional development? If not, what age level or maturity level do you feel best represents where you’re at? >> I don’t know, because I’m not sure how that’s measured. I just am where I am, and am doing my damn best. 7. Do you feel like you’re lagging behind your peers in terms of development or do you feel that you’re more ahead of the bunch? >> I think I’m supposed to see myself as “lagging behind”, but that’s all bullshit. I just am where I am, like I said. 8. What is one thing about your personality that embarrasses you, but you can’t seem to change it no matter how hard you try? Have other people called you out on this embarrassing thing? >> I don’t know, really. It embarrasses me to want attention and reassurance and solace, but I don’t think that’s like, a personality trait that needs changing. I’m just embarrassed about it because I was taught to be. 9. When was the last time you did something “meant” for children? Do you think it’s okay for adults to do these things (ie. watch cartoons, have stuffed animals, dress in cute clothing, etc), or do you think there’s an age beyond which it becomes unacceptable - and if so, why? >> Man, I do and enjoy a lot of things that people who’ve bought into the bullshit would say is “for children”. If you seriously believe it’s unacceptable for an adult to do something as fucking benign as watch cartoons or sleep with a teddy bear, then your opinion ain’t worth squat to me anyway. 10. What was the last thing to “trigger” you (as in, in a true mental health sense, I’m being serious here) and how did you cope with it? What kinds of things do you tend to find triggering? What do you do either avoid or face your triggers? >> I don’t remember. I don’t often acknowledge my triggers when they actually occur, which is a separate issue. 11. If you’re diagnosed with anything, do you feel that it accurately represents what you’re experiencing? >> I don’t know what my diagnosis is. I’ve been diagnosed as a number of things over the years, either because of incompetent mental health professionals or a lack of transparency on my part (but most often an awful combination of both). I think any “disorder” I have would have to be a developmental or neurological one, because a lot of who I am has been like this for as long as I can remember (and has only been exacerbated by events that happened later). 12. What is a complaint you have about the mental health industry or about the type of treatment you’ve received from a mental health service? Have you ever had any particularly bad therapy experiences? >> One complaint is that a lot of mental health professionals don’t... like, do the work. They’ll just see someone once or twice and go “oh you clearly have [x]” just based upon some cursory questioning and observation. That’s not logical or ethical to me. I’ve had so many negative experiences in MH that at this point I now have trauma related to that -- which makes it a fucking riot to try to go to therapy! “Hi, first you’ll have to work through my trauma related to therapists before we can get down to the actual therapy.” Ha! 13. When was the last time you realized you might be the source of a problem and NOT someone else? >> Actually, I usually take that possibility under advisement (it’s an awkward but sometimes useful side effect of having been treated as a scapegoat). Unfortunately, sometimes I’m not the problem, and I have a hard time really convincing myself that no, I didn’t necessarily do anything to deserve the treatment I got.

14. In an average week, how often do you leave the house? Generally, how many miles would you say you travel in that time? >> Usually on the weekends because we go grocery shopping and down to Wayland to do laundry. During the week, maybe once or twice, on a good week. There’s really just nowhere to go. 15. Have you ever made a mistake or did something you were too embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone else? Did you eventually tell anyone? Did their reaction help you feel better or worse about your secrets? >> Probably, but I don’t remember any specific examples. 16. Do you think you’re easy to open up to or do people confide in you often? >> No, I’m apparently not easy to open up to because people generally don’t. I guess. I don’t know how any of this shit works. 17. When was the last time you felt accomplished? When was the last time you felt like you failed at something? >> I don’t remember the last time I felt accomplished. I mean, I remember the last time I did something that I needed to do, but I didn’t feel better once it was over. I guess that’s part of why it’s so difficult for me to do things I need to do but don’t want to -- I don’t get the reward feedback from my own brain afterwards. >:| 18. When was the last time you worked really hard on something only to have it get ruined in some way? Did you start over and try again, or did you give up entirely? >> I don’t remember. I haven’t put that much effort into anything lately. 19. What are some minor physical discomforts that really bug you (eyelash in your eye, a wedgie, rumpled socks, etc)? >> All of the above, and also dry skin and chapped lips. 20. Are you prone to talking during shows? Does it bother you if other people talk? Is there someone you know with a television-watching style so different to yours that you can’t stand to watch with them? >> I’m not prone to it, necessarily, but if I’m with someone who doesn’t mind it or also does it, then I’ll do it. I can go either way. Except when it’s a show that requires a lot of focus, then I need it to be quiet. And I don’t like watching things with people that just like to make negative commentary like they’re a movie critic or something. 21. Are you ever afraid to admit to liking something because you’re afraid other people will judge you for it? What is the worst that’s ever happened as a result of you liking something different from the crowd? What about the best thing that’s come as a result of a unique interest? >> I mean, being judged for things I like has been happening for so long that I’m mostly just used to it. But sometimes if I’m really excited about something, or in a certain mood, I won’t talk about it because if someone says one negative thing I’m going to fucking explode on them, lmao. Let people fucking like things, god damn. I don’t know what the worst thing is, but this is kind of funny in retrospect (but in the moment it was hella aggravating): when I was in high school I was really obsessed with the band Creed, and as we all know, Creed was Nickelback before Nickelback existed as far as popular opinion goes. So on the school bus, the kids at the back of the bus would sing that song Higher in the most exaggerated voices possible to heckle me. SMH. 22. If someone judges you, are you more inclined to react defensively, offensively, or indifferently? Do you often judge other people in an overt way, or do you keep most of your judgments to yourself? >> I’m either defensive or indifferent depending on what mood I’m already in and who the person is. I actually make an effort not to judge what other people are into or what kind of people they are, because I feel like it’s an improper and rude way for me to spend my time. Also, Golden Rule. 23. What kind of image, if any, do you hope you project to the world? Like, what qualities do you hope other people are able to see in you? Do you ever feel like you’re coming across all wrong? >> I don’t know what kind of image I want to project. I’m not sure I care about that as much as I care about being valuable to individuals that I want to be valuable to. And one person might value one thing about me while another person might value a completely different thing, so I can’t just pick a trait or two and say “these are the valuable traits”. It’s all relative. And yeah, I feel like my intentions and my actions don’t match up a whole lot, mostly because of the 5966589 layers of trauma-based behaviour I’m operating through. But, you know. It be like that. 24. When was the last time you felt like someone was completely misunderstanding your feelings or intentions? Were you eventually able to explain and clarify? How do you react when you feel seriously misunderstood? >> Constantly, lmao. I don’t remember the last specific example, though. Sometimes I get an opportunity to explain and clarify, but honestly, a lot of the times I don’t even bother because I assume the person either doesn’t care or won’t understand. I usually shut down or withdraw when I feel intensely misunderstood. 25. Have you ever remained good friends with an ex? >> I tried it, it didn’t work. Only with Anubis, who I only dated for like a month and a half anyway. 26. What was the last reason you decided you didn’t want to do something? >> Probably poor executive function, as usual. Or low confidence. 27. What is something about you that makes you feel very different from other people (and I don’t mean like a food preference like pineapple on pizza, i mean core level different, where you can’t find this quality in many others)? >> You know, I’m not sure. Because I do feel intensely alienated and not at all like other people sometimes, but all my traits and experiences taken individually are traits and experiences I’ve seen elsewhere. I know other people who have shared consciousnesses, and even people who interact with their inworlders similarly to how I interact with mine. I know that my terribly broken attachment style and inability to connect is not uncommon, especially among other people who were also emotionally neglected as children. And I know that the feeling of alienation, of feeling Very Different from others, is equally common -- many of us feel that way, and we all have well-worked-out justifications for that feeling. But, really? I really believe that’s just part of being alive and sapient. And it’s a foundation for art -- trying to find a means to connect with someone, anyone, when we don’t feel like it’s ever going to be possible. 28. Do you have a negative view of mentally ill people, or are you mentally ill yourself? Do you ever call others crazy, insane, etc? Do you ever call yourself those things? >> I don’t have a negative view of mentally-ill people, although I unfortunately am often driven to have a negative view of myself for being mentally-ill. Stupid brains. I do call myself crazy and insane but “mad” is actually my preferred adjective. I try not to use those terms for others unless they’re explicitly okay with it and I’m fucking around with them or something (which is still an iffy thing, but you know). 29. What is one way you often put yourself down? What is one compliment you often give yourself? Do you think you compliment or insult yourself more? >> I put myself down about being an intensely lonely and vulnerable person, because that makes total sense, right? SMH. I also put myself down for being sensitive to noise and light and all that other stuff that I really can’t control even though I wish I could. And for other random shit that I can’t remember just now. I don’t usually compliment myself a lot, but Can Calah does that work for me, which is one reason why I’m intensely grateful for him -- someone’s gotta do it in order to teach me how to do it to myself, and he seems more than up for the task. It’s a pretty common thing inworld -- I berate myself for something, and he counters with impeccable logic and compassion. Never fails. 30. Does it bother you to have people comment on what you’re eating, or do you not care? What are some comments that would bother you, if any? Do you ever comment on what other people are eating or make assumptions about their intakes? >> People don’t usually comment on what I’m eating. I’m not even sure what someone could say that would bother me -- maybe making fun of me for not cooking full meals all the time, or something, in which case fuck right off. I don’t comment on what other people eat, that’s none of my business and I actually don’t even fucking care. Eat whatever you like, it’s your life and your body and your business.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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genjasolstice · 5 years

Text

Resurfacing a piece gifted to Genevieve and Sunja following their wedding day a year ago. Happy Anniversary to the both of you.

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We were due for a Genja Solstice.

I remember meeting the both of you for the first time. Genevieve, popping up near my desk, new from New York and more professional and tenured than the entire GREYSF staff put together (...we’d find out ...sorry, MJ), and Sunja coming to meet us in those first few days, hanging out near the window at work, catching up in the light of the sun and on whatever drama that particular day served up. I remember the friendship growing, mostly through G at work. And by way of being her work wife, falling in love with Sunja in parallel. You cannot hear the way G talks about Sunja and not - the depth of her caring is so evident in how she speaks of him. We have unbelievable memories from those first 2 years; from 2am pitch nights to 2am hamburgers.

I also remember Genevieve's feeble attempt at conniption fit over a New Years Eve - just wanting a proposal, a ring - to be Sunja’s wife. Pouting outside of the Make Out room trying to make a point - I’m laughing right now recalling it. I remember feeling that Sunja’s greatest art was his romance to Genevieve - the art pieces, the jean jackets, the hours toiling at night in secrecy to bring these things to life - and asking him to push a deadline up on the most precious form of romance and commitment - a proposal - would go against every fiber of his creativity. Good things take time.

Well thank the Lord you did it Sunja, and made way for us to have a front row seat to what would be one of the most iconic weddings I’ve attended in my lifetime.

Genja Solstice was the first break in the hiatus of weddings I’ve experienced for the last 4 years. I’ve never been able to complain about how many weddings/ showers/ bachelorettes I’ve got to juggle physically and financially for the summer – I just don’t have enough close friends. I’m okay with it. This past weekend in Dripping, though .... was a hell of a falling off the wagon.

I love you, Genevieve, and I love Sunja. Both magical in your existence, unapologetically yourselves, and unsparing in doling out your love for each other in personal, non-flashy ways. It feels so real. In Talib’s foreword, I registered with the notion of G being “scared to introduce her friends to Sunja… out of fear they would like him more.” He is a fresh thing, untarnished by the outside world, blossoming and loving and gentle. He is so damned likeable. And, as previously mentioned, he will forever be my Burger King - the only man I’ve truly ever eaten in non-tensioned silence with - peeling off to a relic burger joint two doors down while the rest of our friends partied for a birthday.

Genevieve, you command any room you enter, squinty-eyed as you hone focus on your next victim (you refuse to wear glasses whaaaaaat whyyyyyyy),** let laughs escape from deep in your soul, and are forward and open and strong in your convictions. I have once, rather famously said “To Genevieve, fact and opinion are the same.” Genevieve, if you were a professional athlete, I whole heartedly believe you’d play scrappy ... for the sheer fun of it.

Your bachelorette was the event I began to believe in humanity again. Before I touch on the supernaturality of the friend group, do know that I am a generally fear-laced, anxiety-prone human. I need alone time. I need sleep. I need deep and constant hydration. I need to talk about these things with whoever will listen. The love and fun of G’s friends that weekend taught me I might not need any of those things if I am enjoying myself and the company I keep, enough. The group of friends should be studied closely, appreciated for the individual traits and how they contribute to the ecosystem of the group. I felt like I was on safari, but if you got to hang out with the animals close up and they give you lots of compliments. People in the crew do what they want when they want to do it, with the team behind them cheering them on - usually with a “FUCK ME UP!”. They make decisions, and laugh together at the wrong ones, and prefer anything that makes for a better story.

G’s friends are family. There are actual real-life family units within this chosen family, but the sibling connection you feel and the peace a loving one provides is palpable. It contributes to the strength of the tribe. There is no competition. If there are big feelings, the words associated with them are released immediately - unsavory sentiments do not stay trapped within this group. I could speak on their beauty and palate of ethnicities and skin tones and hand movements and hair textures that I am absolutely mesmerized by; how they speak so freely, handle their business and work, and never seem tired. About how every conversation is a deep one. How intelligent each of them is - another thread of similarity none of them seem acknowledge but all just know. They understand life is for living, and they lean into experiences with reckless abandon. I learned this weekend they all said yes to moving to New York some years ago while rolling to Boyz Noize. They actually did it. I’m still shaken up.

The wedding weekend started slowly for me, at my weekend cottage, so beautiful and out in the open that I felt as though I was checking into rehab. I could have stayed there for 3 months of summer, easily. Doing nothing and losing my edge. There is a bench swing attached to an oak tree that I will bring my morning coffee to and swing for about an hour. After a stint of getting unreasonably lost with Uber (Does this story belong here? Probably not), I make way to the event, excited to see everyone but somehow overwhelmed by anxiety. Bird, my guardian angel, pulls me aside for a conversation that becomes something much bigger. About my thoughts holding me back, what I have to offer to this world, and how to tap into strength and be my own source of abundance, acceptance and love. It will trigger me to go home that night, stay up 3 hours listening to The Women Who Run with Wolves (completing the book by the end of the weekend), and decide I am going to make some cataclysmic changes in my life to direct it where it needs to go. Weirdly, I’m realizing, the weekend does become a rehab.

Saturday is a day and night out in Austin with new friends. I am out eating lunch alone, in one place, in all of Texas, and I see them outside. I had been texting with Amber and we had planned to meet up later, but by some stroke of luck, mid-bite of brisket, they materialized in front of me. Of all the restaurants, of all the cities, of all the people. They were only outside because Rachel wanted to buy a homeless woman food. The day was more good conversations, sugary shots from the bartender at Jackalopes Scates took $120 from the night prior, which would turn to me playing dice with Scates and 5 beautiful, dangerous, dirty, tattooed men (I thought Austin was going to have more cowboys?), bars bars bars, vegan bowls and drinks and dancing at gay bars. We become part of a block party on 6th Street while walking and eating pizza and checking out some snakes.

We find out the next day Courtney will much later lock herself out of her hotel room in the middle of the night while naked, and have to yank down a common area curtain to go speak to the concierge. You cannot repeat this story unless she brings it up because I don’t even think I am supposed to know it. In any event, Genevieve has more wonderful friends who I also want to be friends with for as long as they’ll let me.

Saturday is the wedding. G, despite it being your fucking wedding weekend, you make it a point to think of me, text me how much I mean to you on Friday night, and graciously extend an invite for me to come whenever. So, beyond thoughtful. I take up the opportunity after lunch in Drippings with Courtney, Rachel and Sarah, who got rear ended an hour before by a 16 year old named Luke Harrison Ford who was late for his summer lifeguarding job… truly. We do make-up to Staple Sisters, people have wine to kill the nerves that hangovers have generously exacerbated, and we head out. I head down to the area G had toured me the night before with her sick ass pony, to have my breath taken away by the backdrop of the ceremony and the weight of realizing... it’s here. Baby’s breath peppers the alter that will frame the ceremony of two people I love, and behind them, a crystal clear creek with cattails, sweet little frogs, and ciccaedas chirping. We have a warm breeze (is there anything better in this life?), and New York style park jazz playing for us.

Sarah and I keep looking around (why? we still don’t know). We are talking to each other but neither of us are listening. And then the moment is here. The xx plays, and lithe, beautiful Talib appears, his shoulders back and down, gliding along the white rose petals, to the archway he will officiate from. He is the perfect entity to accept and deliver the responsibility of officiating a wedding and a lifetime of love together. He professes on the subject of Love. It sounds metaphorical, it is not. You could register for one of his courses. For this - it couldn’t be more meaningful. Sunja surfaces in a suit that makes me want a suit - mauve crush velvet. His skin is glowing. Next is Mona and Austin, followed by Bella and Jared, Sunja’s siblings, and the Plahey girls. When Ajinder and Parmeet surface, I have goosebumps. For most of this 95 degree event, I will be showing anyone who will give me the time of fucking day, that I have goosebumps. Women are so beautiful and powerful, and knowing the heart of the bride is in both these girls hands and safe forever. I think of the secrets and stories and laughter they have shared in this lifetime. These are the girls. They sit down in front of Sarah and I, with their thick, tousled hair, in their blush chiffons, fanning themselves in the heat and air that is rich with love.

After what felt like eternity, escorted on each side by her loving parents, Genevieve emerges.

I do not plan on crying at this wedding but will end up crying violently at this wedding. It is not me, watching Genevieve walk down the aisle and imagining myself – something that triggers crying so often for people. No. This is me, seeing Genevieve, the bride who is so beautiful and has wanted this since she was itty bitty and embodied what it means to be a good partner whole heartedly. She is walking down that aisle and passing the threshold, no matter her fears and hurts and worries that day or that lifetime has served up to her, knowing she can handle it and that her marriage will continue to conquer these hurdles that she is challenged with, and she will chose to show up anyways. Knowing how important this day was and her friendships were there, did it for me. It was at this wedding that I got it.

The vows are beautiful – and I refuse to say which was better even though I know Genevieve is reading this hoping I will reveal it. I will not. It was Sunja’s.

In all seriousness, the vows were exactly what we hoped for and what we needed. Each were laced with words that spoke as much to the person reciting them a as the person they were meant for. And when the you both faced us and acknowledged the crowd, something I had never seen before, it felt so, so meaningful. I was absolutely honored to be there.

And when it was time, Talib, whose cadence and low voice guided us so eloquently and calmly through the ceremony, announced you both life partners. I was deeply moved.

There are moments in a wedding that you feel that what you are watching is some kind of a movie, show, or form of entertainment. The bride is with you but mentally on to the next table, conversation, or portion of the evening, playing out everything in her head, the angles for the camera, making sure nothing about the evening is out of place or captured incorrectly. There is a high alert. It feels like you are observing a celebrity amongst common folks. There are outfits, customs and traditions that are reserved for weddings that don’t make much sense outside of them (or in them for that matter), but this wedding had none of that. There was a moment, where myself, on the other side of the room, waiving at G, and honestly dumbfounded when I saw her wave back at me. How was she even noticing me right now? So beautiful and glowing and in the spotlight. But GENEVIEVE ALWAYS NOTICES. And I know it would have been so easy to embody the alternative, I appreciate Genevieve so much during this wedding for stepping outside of the standard bride role and being who we came to support all along – her.

We have a bit of well-timed southern summer rain, some wine, some more excellent music choices. Grimes??? I’m shaken. And the dances. In a very moving moment, Sunja’s mother joins him standing, and supported by him, for a single song. I can only imagine what this meant to each of them. I look at Amber, a table over, who is crying into the sky. You cannot prepare for how these moments will take you away.

We have incredible food and BBQ from the famed Salt Lick. This also leads me to my next tangent - almost everything that has been served up to me, from the locations of these bachelorette and wedding events, to the food and experiences at them, WAS STUFF I WOULD HAVE GONE LOOKING FOR ON MY OWN. It felt like you guys were truly looking out for our best interests and offering experiences you we would enjoy doing. It was such a gift.

The speeches delivered from Adela, Parmeet and Ajinder were windows into G’s former adolescent and collegiate life. Each breathed to life with the personality of the story teller, including Parmeet’s impressive 6-page narrative, which allegedly when confirmed by the wedding coordinator, Genevieve approved with negative hesitation.

As one may expect, once the dance floor opened up we about blew the roof off the place. Most of us were busting at the seams waiting for gen pop to get the okay to infiltrate. I danced with Joe, I danced with Jake, I danced with Talib and almost died from cardiac arrest in the process of keeping up. Sometimes it was all too much for my little heart to handle that I had to face on the goddamn window to settle myself the hell down. Everyone at that event held their own. Everyone at that event realizes their power as individuals is as important as their power as a group. No place is as telling as this as a dance floor. It was the most beautiful way to share the evening with people.

On that note, I want to thank both you and Sunja for this window into your life and love beyond what I already knew. Outside of the wedding itself, which I would lift directly and replicate for myself if I could, you are living out a truth in love that is honoring you as individuals as much as it is as you as partners. I want that. It was clear as day to me that my current path was not this, and I guess Ajinder felt it too, because we both went home and broke up with the people we were seeing. When it’s real, it’s real.

At the end of the weekend it was very clear to me what was important in this life - it is the relationships those who you surround yourself with on this journey. You are truly blessed if you get to laugh with them, which we both know, YOU ARE. You have not only incredible friends, Genevieve, but the most incredible best-friend to call your husband. I am honored to have witnessed this evening, considering it a pivoting moment in my own realization for the life I want to lead, and look forward to seeing the rest of your story unfold.

May we dance on many more floors together.

Love you both,

6.22.19

**((update here G came over last night and now she wears very cool, very hip tortoise shell glasses)

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i-am-very-very-tired · 7 years

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Whenever anybody asks about black women in comics, the immediate response is to bring up Storm. But Storm isn't the only black woman to rock superpowers and a costume. Here are 20 other black female characters in superhero comics who deserve more love and attention. Monica Rambeau (codename: Spectrum) was a lieutenant in the New Orleans Harbor patrol of the Coast Guard when she was bombarded with rays from space which gave her the ability to turn into any form of energy, and shoot energy at people. The first of a few peace officers to appear on this list — because for some reason a not insignificant number of these black women characters either come from law enforcement or the sciences. It would be interesting to see if this was simply to avoid the idea of stereotypes, or if their creation correlated with higher instances of black women going into law enforcement and science-focused careers. Monica is one of my favorite heroes, mainly because of her snarky, take-no-bullshit attitude, a trait she has in common with a quite a few other women on this list. She has a long history in comics including a stint as the leader of the Avengers. Fierce and powerful, she's been forced to change her name a number of times because people keep taking hers — she's gone from Captain Marvel to Photon to Pulsar to Spectrum. She originally changed her name from Captain Marvel to Photon so that Captain Marvel's son Genis-Vell could use the codename. Only to run into Genis-Vell a little later and find out that he had performed a name change of his own... to Photon. She was not happy. But that's how cool she is, everybody wants to bite her style. She also had a friendly/caustic conversation with Carol Danvers when she decides to transfer from using Miss Marvel to Captain Marvel. My only wish is that they would go back to her original afro hairstyle, which was awesome. ARC TO READ: Check her out in the Nextwave a 12-issue Limited Series written by Warren Ellis. It's a biting satire of superheroes, and teams where everyone is likeable exactly because they are so unlikable. Keep an eye out for the scene where Monica's remembers what being on the Avengers was like. CURRENTLY? Leading the Mighty Avengers field team. Anissa & Jennifer Pierce (codenames: Thunder & Lightning respectively) are the daughters of famous hero Jefferson Pierce (codename: Black Lightning), who really did not want his daughters to follow in his footsteps. He made them promise to graduate from college before they used their powers to become heroes. Anissa graduates with a pre-med degree, and later that same day her father walks in on her trying on her costume. Becoming a hero with no parental support led to a hard road and a number of near-fatal injuries for Anissa. Jefferson sees this and to make sure his younger daughter Jennifer actually has guidance, and signs her up for the Justice Society of America as a teenager. Even though they're sisters, their powers could not be more different. Anissa controls her density to the point of making herself invulnerable and creating shockwaves by stomping her feet or clapping her hands. She ran with The Outsiders for years, and eventually ended up in a steady loving relationship with Grace Choi (another of my favorite characters), which her father had some issues accepting at first. Jennifer, meanwhile, can turn herself into a being of sentient energy allowing herself to fly and shoot powerful bolts of electricity. The sisters rarely interact with one another, Jennifer was busy dealing with learning how to control her powers and Anissa's initial storyline revolved around her dad's disapproval of her choices and tension on the team with Grace (who she originally hated). Both girls are rather unique in being black second generation heroes. Rarely did black supers of their father's generation get a relationship that lasted long enough to produce children. Their interactions are an interesting insight in black superfamilies which you don't get a lot of outside of old Milestone comics. ARC TO READ: Catch Anissa in the One Year Later arc where the Outsiders are presumed dead. It starts with Outsiders vol. 3 #34 and reveals Anissa's relationship with Grace. Or catch the angry sibling beatdown between the two sisters as one defends their father and the other tries to arrest him which starts in Outsiders vol. 4 #32 BONUS ARC TO WATCH: The 2 DC Nation shorts featuring Thunder as a teenager and Lightning as a tween both ready to be heroes already are some of the better animation DC has done. You can see them on Youtube. CURRENTLY? In limbo. Since both The Outsiders & JSA currently don't have regular books coming out. Amanda Waller (codename: N/A) is a BAMF, period. And I mean the old-school Amanda Waller of size, accept no substitutes. Waller fought her way out of the Caprini-Green projects after the murders of her husband and daughter. A completely normal human, if completely normal humans have a titanium will and a cunning political mind, she chose to get into politics to change the world. With her "by any means" attitude she quickly rose through the ranks and transitioned into the shadow government. She is known as The Wall, and while it might have started as a fatphobic joke it stuck and became a point of pride because there is no one, literally no one (even Batman), who can work around or through Waller when she puts her mind to it. This is not to say she hasn't been tricked before but it happens rarely and she always, ALWAYS has a contingency plan. The 2011 reboot of DC slimmed her way down and came under heavy fire from fans not only because most of the character redesigns were pale copies of the originals but also because people saw her as one of the few characters of size in comics that wasn't defined by it. She is sort of the Nick Fury-analogue in of DC, except willing to do much darker deeds for what she considers the greater good. This has caused some to view her as a villain, in fact she ranks on a few "greatest comic villains of all time" lists but in reality The Wall is only always doing what she thinks is best. She's one of the better, if not the best, morally ambiguous characters in the DC Universe. ARC TO READ: Suicide Squad vol. 1, the original late 80's run with The Wall in total command. You can also see a lot of slick, determined Waller in Checkmate! vol. 2 CURRENTLY? In limbo. The new volume of Suicide Squad premieres this month but it seems unknown whether it will feature Waller or not. Charlotte "Charly" Beck (codename: Friction) was part of the Marvel Imprint - New Universe in the late 80s. In New Universe people were spontaneously developing abilities and many voluntarily checked themselves into clinics devoted to helping them...supposedly. Charly was in a college ballet class when suddenly she suffered an intense migraine and everyone around her started slipping and sliding. She had developed the ability to control friction, eliminating it entirely or allowing her to stick things to each other. She checked herself into the Center for Paranormal Research and was assigned a therapy group with other people who had suddenly developed powers - DP7 (also the title of the comic). The thing I loved about Charly and DP7 was that it was a super comic in that there were uncontrollable powers, shadowy conspiracies, and fighting for what was right but it also wasn't a traditional super comic in that none of their emotional/non-super problems went away or got shoved to a backburner because of they suddenly had powers. In fact often having the powers exacerbated the issues they were already having. For example, Charly's attempt at romance with a member of her therapy group who couldn't see himself with a black woman. This leads to a short stint in a militant black therapy group dedicated to fighting the racism present at the institute. The portrayal is not very nuanced but it was an interesting attempt at trying to talk about race in comics. DP7 also dealt with issues of domestic abuse, self-sacrifice, families of choice and emotional betrayal. I was actually a huge fan of a lot of the comics under the New Universe imprint, there was a revival called newuniversal in 2007 but it didn't last very long and to be completely honest lost some of the humanity that shone in the originals. ARC TO READ: Just start at DP7 #1 and read it all the way through. CURRENTLY? In limbo. DP7 was cancelled in '89 as was most of the New Universe creations however an alternate universe version of Charly did make an appearance in the Marvel title Exiles in 2006 so there might be some hope for her. Celia Windward (codename: Jet) is chosen alongside nine other people by the Guardians of the Universe (yes, the same ones who created the Green Lantern Corps) to be the next variation of their race, the New Guardians (which they take as their team name). They were granted immortality and each has power over certain fundamental forces of the universe. Celia was able to control electromagnetic energy. It's easy to dismiss her and her team, especially after they fought Hemo-Globin the "AIDS vampire" (yeah there's no excuse, none) and he infected Celia and Gregorio, the only openly gay member of the team (and arguably DC comics first gay hero). So yeah, that's some messed up BS, no one is arguing different but the team also actually dealt with some pretty heavy moral issues. They discussed how to achieve peace if you use force, they even flirted with the idea of giving up violence/fighting for good. It was also one of the more diverse teams in DC comics and they actually tried to deal with how people from such disparate backgrounds live and work together. So yeah there's a lot to recommend the series...if you can get past the whole 'AIDS vampire' thing which admittedly is a pretty high hurdle ARC TO READ: Millenium #1, the initial appearance of the New Guardians for sure. CURRENTLY? She died in New Guardians but since DC comics destroyed their long company history and recreated everyone she's been shown alive as leader of the Global Guardians. Which means maybe Gregorio will make a reappearance as well but the one great thing about the DC reboot - no more 'AIDS vampire' *poof* he never was! Philippus (codename: N/A) is an Amazon and over 3,000 years old. Queen Hippolyta's most trusted advisor. She was one of Wonder Woman's main trainers growing up and loves Diana like a daughter. She has held the title of Regent and Queen of the Amazons multiple times previously - when Hippolyta has stepped down or been stripped of her title. Phillipus is one of the most knowledgeable warriors in the world due to her extended age and training. Intensely loyal to Hippolyta and later (after Hippolyta's death, which is all kinds of dead potential lesbian wrong) admits to being in love with the queen for most of her life. She not only shows us that not all the amazons are white but is also devoted to the Amazon nation, going so far as asking permission of Hippolyta to injure Wonder Woman in training, to teach her a lesson in humility so she would be a better leader in the future. Sadly after Gail Simone left the Wonder Woman series the Amazons Attack miniseries happened (and the less said about it the better) and the Amazons began to be written as man-hating, antisocial sneaks. Sigh. ARC TO READ: Unfortunately Philippus has never been a main character but "Stoned" starting with Wonder Woman vol. 2 #206 is I believe when she becomes co-leader of the Amazons. Also any Wonder Woman run that Gail Simone wrote is guaranteed to be awesome and probably has Philippus being badass and terrifying, just like I like her. CURRENTLY? Deceased. :) Unfortunately there was a general de-powering/de-awesomeing of the Amazons before her death so it was a pretty ignominious/shameful death for a character with such a long history. Mari Jiwe McCabe (codename: Vixen) is originally from the African comic book nation of Zambesi. After the death of both her parents Mari takes the Tantu Totem that her family has always protected, which gives her the ability to mimic the powers of any animal that has ever existed on earth. The source of her powers has been played with and revamped a number of times, from being alien in nature to mystical. My personal favorite origin is the one that links her and Animal Man to the West African god Anansi. She became a model by day and superhero by night (modelhero? supermodelhero?). One of the most iconic moments in her history for me is when she's on a photo shoot on an island, goes on a swim and surfaces to find all her friends and co-workers killed. She goes on a full on rampage and kills the drug kingpin who murdered her friends in vengeance becoming afraid she's losing herself to the animals she channels she joins Suicide Squad for a while. This means she was under the leadership of another woman on this list, Amanda Waller. Vixen should get a special place in history because thanks to the source of her powers and his weakness toward magic she is one of the few beings in the universe who has cut Superman. ARC TO READ: Start with Justice League of America vol. 2 #1 and check out her plotline as her powers change completely and she's no longer able to take power from animals but instead steals the abilities of her fellow metahumans instead. Also the miniseries Vixen: Return of the Lion which is about Mari returning to her home village for the first time since she left to find and punish her parents killers. CURRENTLY? In limbo. She was a member of The New 52 Justice League for a short while until she was injured and became comatose. We've at least gotten confirmation she's not in the coma anymore. Martha Washington (codename: N/A) is the creation of Frank Miller. WAIT, don't skip the entry! Because I don't think I'm exaggerating at all by saying she is the most well rounded (perhaps only well rounded) female character Miller has ever created. She has emotions, drive, strength, the story allows her to be a hero and the conflict feels vibrant and real - the things that Miller often receives praise for. Like another woman on this list, Amanda Waller, she grew up in Caprini-Green though in the future and escapes it by joining the military. Martha Washington's life is a map in fucked up shit. Finding out that the powers that be truly don't care for anyone but themselves, facing multiple betrayals, becoming a hero, simply surviving, everything has been a struggle. The core of her story is about being a person who actually cares for others, who still has compassion and going up against a world that has mostly forgotten how to be a community or care for one another. Martha is that soldier who actually joined up to help others and her nuanced view of the world means she often has problems with the things she's asked to do and often goes off book. Most arcs will make you cry at one point or another but all of the despair and sadness is buoyed by the hope Martha brings. No matter how dark the situation Martha will not give up and it inspires others to do the same. I adore Martha, in fact I named my first Mass Effect player character Martha and altered her to look like her as well. When I think good, thrilling military science fiction she's one of the first characters to come to mind. Martha Washington is not really a superhero comic as much as a military-science fiction hero comic. Martha's stories are told in a number of limited series and one shots from 1990 - 2007 ARC TO READ: The first 4 issue miniseries, 'Give Me Liberty'. See how Martha grew up and joined the military. I pretty much guarantee you won't be able to stop with just the one miniseries. CURRENTLY? She's dead but unlike most of the women on this list it was after living to 100 and inspiring others to keep fighting for the freedom of others. So a rare "happy" death. Dr. Cecilia Reyes (codename: N/A) never had a codename because she's a doctor dammit! Cecelia was recruited into the X-men though very reluctant to join she turned them down a couple times first. Even after she joined she used her medical skills more than her power, which is a psionic shielding that protects her whenever she feels threatened. Dr. Reyes doesn't have great control over her powers in the beginning mostly because she really has no interest in training with them being much more focused on healing others on the team. Although this might also have to do with the fact that the shielding is psionic so she feels all the hits she takes even if there's no physical effect. This seems like a pretty fucked up consequence of a power, I mean sure you survive but you still feel all the pain. That's sucktastic! In many ways I love her because she's the first X-men team member whose powers doesn't form the majority of their identity/personality. She doesn't deny she's a mutant but it doesn't form the whole of her perception of who she is which is a perspective continually lacking in the X-men. Unfortunately Marvel didn't really know what to do with her and the more they shied away from her ambiguous attitude towards heroics and her focus on medicine and kept trying to make her into a warrior the more they lost what had made her unique. ARC TO READ: "End of Days" X-Men vol. 2 #100, Cecelia uses her powers in a way that changes her forever. CURRENTLY? In limbo. She returned to help the X-Men find the first five new mutants born after M-Day and has popped up here and there but hasn't had many prominent storylines in the last few years. Mercedes "Misty" Knight (codename: N/A) retired from the police force after she lost her arm trying to disarm a bomb and get it away from the crowd. Refusing a desk job she started a detective agency with fellow former officer Colleen Wing. They became known as the Daughters of the Dragon both for their ferociousness and their training in martial arts. At some point Misty gets a bionic arm. It's never really clear who gave her the original but every scientist in the Marvel Universe has taken a turn improving or replacing it including - Dr. Reed Richards and Tony Stark. Misty has long had an on-again off-again relationship with Danny Rand a.k.a. Iron Fist for years which has led to the Daughters of the Dragon teaming up with Heroes for Hire a number of times. In fact later on Misty took over Heroes for Hire, increased the roster and took on a management role. One of the reasons Misty is badass and interesting is that she is completely human, yes she has the bionic arm but it doesn't shoot plasma or give her magnetic powers, she's a former policewoman running with A-class heroes and able to hold her own. I choose to ignore the time her hair was drawn as an afro with straightened bangs and spit curls. Any artist who plans to draw a black woman's hair, please do some research! Ask a black woman. Anything! ARC TO READ: World War Hulk Aftersmash #1 in which Misty deals with the decisions she made during World War Hulk, the guilt and the repercussions. CURRENTLY? In limbo. Recently Misty Knight was part of the Fearless Defenders but unfortunately the book was cancelled in December 2013. Raquel Ervin (codename: Rocket) was a poor black girl who dreamed of being the next Toni Morrison. Unfortunately she didn't believe that she had the talent so instead she got involved with crime. It was while robbing a house with a group of friends that her life turned around. She realizes that the man who owns the house is an alien and convinces him to become the superhero Icon and take her on as his sidekick Rocket. He gives her a belt which allows her to control and direct kinetic energy, this grants her a number of abilities including flight, super strength, a forcefield and more. Originally she was a part of Milestone Comics which featured African-American heroes and freely discussed race. Raquel dealt with a lot of issues that poor of color communities deal with all the time. This includes becoming arguably the first teenaged mom superhero and helping her friend Flashback kick her drug addiction. There was very little stigma attached to either of these moments, the focus being how to deal with problems and overcome them rather than the 'suffering porn' so evident when many characters of color are given such storylines. Soon after becoming Rocket, Raquel discovers she's pregnant with her ex-boyfriends child. And while she does retires for a time while pregnant she returns to being Rocket again after giving birth to the child, Amistad Augustus Ervin - named after the famous slave-trading ship and her heroing partners' human alias. Since the Milestone universe has been folded into the main DC universe nothing much has been done with her but we do know she is still Icon's sidekick and has teamed up with the Justice League when needed. ARC TO READ: Start with Icon #1. I was going to recommend the whole pregnancy storyline but that starts at #3 so why not just start from the beginning? CURRENTLY? In limbo. She's made appearances in the mainstream continuity but no one seems to have done anything with her in quite a while. Ce'athauna Asira Davin aka Chante Giovanni Brown (codename: Queen Divine Justice) thought she was just a normal girl living in Chicago with her grandmother. In actuality she was heir to the leadership of the Jabari tribe which Black Panther had outlawed years ago because of their support/sheltering of the White Gorilla cult. She was recruited to become one of Black Panther's bodyguards/ceremonial wives, only then did she learn she was Wakandan by birth. She has no powers to speak of but has been trained in Wakandan fighting styles and has boots with vibranium soles that allow her to stick to walls and other feats. Eventually Man-Ape, Black Panther's old enemy tells her the truth about herself and her origins. Man-Ape introduces her to what remains of the Jabari clan, who view her as queen and tells her of Black Panther's role in her early life. She even learns that her grandmother isn't her grandmother at all but a trusted agent of Black Panther meant to keep watch over her. Normally this would be an excuse to turn a hero into a villain, luckily Queen is a nuanced enough character that this doesn't make her Black Panther's enemy. She does leave his service though and go to confront the woman who raised her. She knows nothing is black & white. Also the issue where she talks Hulk down and then talks to him about disenfranchisement and not smashing the property of the poor is perfection. ARC TO READ: "Seduction of the Innocent" & "Gorilla Warfare" in Black Panther vol. 3 #31 - 35. Queen learns the truth and confronts the liars in her life. CURRENTLY? In Limbo. She is still chief of the Jabari tribe as far as I can tell but her appearances have been almost non-existent for the past few years. Jelene Anderson (codename: Adept) is from Strikeforce Morituri, an alternate universe with the Marvel continuity in which an alien menace known as The Horde is attacking Earth and winning. The Morituri process is invented which will grant great powers to those biologically compatible with the process, enough to fight the aliens but it's also guaranteed to kill the subject within the year. One of the things that sets Jelene apart on this list and in comics in general is her strong belief in/connection with God. Jelene, in fact volunteers because of her strong religious convictions and maintains that conviction throughout her life. Unlike many stereotypes of christian characters, especially black christians, she was open-minded, friendly, non-judgmental and formed bonds with many of her teammates who don't share her values. The Morituri process granted her the ability to analyze any given situation and figure out the the needed neutralizing countermeasures even to the point of her own body producing chemical compounds to counteract poison. Her ability was one that looked like it might turn the tide in the war as she was able to analyze schematics of the Horde and after a little time understand them perfectly. During a raid in which a fellow Morituri, Marathon with whom she had been forming a romantic bomb used his own death to slow down her pursuers her own death finally caught up with her. The Morituri process killed by ramping up the individuals powers to the Nth degree. For Jelene this meant she started to exhibit actual full on cosmic awareness before going peacefully, content with what she had done in her time on earth. ARC TO READ: I want to recommend that people just read the entire run of Strikeforce Morituri because it's fantastic but at least read the first 13 issues. CURRENTLY? Deceased :( Victoria Ngengi (codename: Flint) is probably the toughest one on this list, and I mean sheer physical ability to take punishment. She's been burned by Xenomorph blood and survived, hell she got burned with the blood because she burst one apart - With. One. Punch. And yes those are the Xenomorphs from Aliens. She's invulnerable, the Xenomorph blood was the first thing to hurt her in years, and she has super speed but only in terms of reaction time and personal movement, so she can dress and undress so fast no one sees but can't run at the speed of sound. She became a part of Stormwatch young, after losing her parents to violence in Kenya and years as a ward of the Kenyan state. Unlike many of her Stormwatch compatriots Victoria did not have a darker outlook on life, she was an idealist through and through, working to make the world a better place. Stormwatch was based on a space station and when they notice an asteroid heading for earth they intercept. That's when they run into the Xenomorphs. Almost the entirety of her team is killed by Xenomorphs and originally everyone believes she was the only one to survive. She gives testimony as to what happened on the space station in front of the senate. She only survives because when the Xenomorph blood burns her she becomes disoriented and fell back into a lifepod which activated. She feels intense guilt about this but channels it into her work. She joins the mostly unpowered Stormwatch Achilles and tries to improve the world, eventually falling in love, marrying and then divorcing the team leader. She then rejoins Stormwatch Prime and then the whole world goes to shit with "World's End". ARC TO READ: There's a ton of Stormwatch you could read but I'm actually gonna recommend the wildC.A.T.s/Aliens one shot where Stormwatch gets taken down and the entire run of Stormwatch Achilles where she really shines. CURRENTLY? In limbo. I don't think anyone has seen Flint since Authority: World's End but that was previous to Wildstorm being folded wholesale into the DC main universe so there's hope she'll turn up again! Destiny Ajaye (codename: N/A) is the newest girl on this list. Some of us have been waiting for this miniseries for six years. The book Genius was one of two winners of Top Cow's Pilot Season back in 2008. The original Issue #0 had with the support of comic book heavies like Warren Ellis who wrote a whole blog urging people to vote for Genius. After much delay the entire 5-issue mini-series was released this past August. Destiny's power? She the best military mind of our generation. Genius presupposes that every generation has a military genius born into it: Alexander the Great, Hannibal, Napoleon, and now a 17 year old black girl in South Central Los Angeles. She's had the ability to think/see many steps ahead since she was a child and she's grown up seeing the injustice all around her. Finally Destiny decides to do something about it. Tired of police brutality, racism and corruption Destiny unites the gangs active in her neighborhood and secedes the three blocks they live in from the United States. One of the most interesting series to come out in the last few years, trust me you want to read this. ARC TO READ: Just read the whole Genius limited series, it's only 5 issues. CURRENTLY? Renewed for a second limited series, YAY! Karen Beecher (codename: Bumblebee) initially dressed in costume to provide an anonymous villain to provoke the Teen Titans because she believed they were taking her boyfriend, a member, for granted. When she finally revealed the ruse she was asked to join the team herself. While at first Karen was a more support character to her boyfriend Mal she slowly grew into a hero in her own right. And in my opinion a MUCH better here too, in my opinion. Admittedly I like Karen a little more than her presence merits because Teen Titans were my team growing up. She's most closely aligned with the Titans oft-restarted and never really successful west coast division (the stint where the entirety of the The Titans moved wholesale to San Francisco doesn't count, 'cause that was the main branch). A scientist, originally her powers stemmed from a suit she created which allowed her to fly and fire energy blasts but thanks to some random space energy (Note: if you didn't know randomly space energy can do anything - kill, grant powers, steal powers, mutate someone, revive someone - it all seems to depend on the color and made up name of the energy) has gained the ability to shoot energy blasts and fly without the aid of her suit. The downside is she's also been shrunk down to six inches tall and is stuck at that size. She has to take a daily medication to make sure her heart does not fail because of her tiny size. She eventually leaves The Titans and joins Doom Patrol, with her now husband Mal. The leader of Doom Patrol, the Chief, is working on growing her and she gained an inch and now stands at seven inches. ARC TO READ: It's hard with Karen because she so rarely got a main storyline but I would say the 22 issues of Doom Patrol vol. 5 is when she really shines, and also divorces her deadweight husband. CURRENTLY? In limbo. With Doom Patrol canceled in 2011 Karen is MIA. Is she now eight inches tall? Inquiring minds want to know! Dr. Beth Chapel (codename: Dr. Midnight) was a simple a medical student, whose mentor happened to be a doctor and a superhero - Dr. Charles MacNider aka Dr. Mid-Nite. After MacNider's death Beth is blinded by an oxygen explosion in her hospital and discovers she has the same ability as MacNider, in darkness she can see in with perfect clarity though she's blind in light. I don't think the question of why an ordinary oxygen explosion would have this effect is brought up beyond *shh, it's comics*, which is good enough for me! She tried out for the team Infinity Inc., along with Yolanda Montez (codename: Wildcat). The interesting part of Infinity Inc. is it was mostly made up of legacy heroes, the children (biological and adopted) of silver age heroes like Hawkman, Green Lantern, Hourman, Wildcat and more. Beth is different from most of them because the connection she has with her predecessor, Dr. Charles MacNider aka Dr. Mid-Nite, is a caring mentor-student one rather than parental. Unlike the other doctor on this list, Dr. Cecilia Reyes, Beth wanted to be a hero but she also continued in her profession as a doctor wearing special lenses that allowed her to see in sunlight to do both. She pretty much exemplifies the complaints of disabilities being used for show or power without any actual thought to disabled people and how they live every day lives. Characters are rarely shown living with their disabilities and in fact their powers allow some work around so it's like they have no disability at all. And yeah...that's Beth. I enjoyed her time on Infinity Inc. though. She was often the voice of reason and the one who tried to talk her teammates out of rash and really just stupid decisions. Her interracial relationship with Hourman is also of note not only because it's a bit of a rarity in comics when it comes to black superheroes who are often just paired with the nearest other black hero (for example: Black Panther & Storm) but also because the interracial nature of their relationship was acknowledged but not focused upon as the only thing about their relationship. This makes her subsequent death all the more disheartening. Along with Yolanda Montez (again), she and a number of other heroes were recruited to fight Eclipso. They were all killed by the villain. ARC TO READ: You can just read the whole run of Infinity Inc. which is awesome or if you want the death arc go for Eclipso vol. 1 #11 - 14 CURRENTLY? Deceased :( This was before the DC reboot though, so the death probably isn't canon anymore...hopefully. The final two entries are questionable because the fact they are black is not definitive. Priscilla Kitaen (codename: Voodoo), in so many ways she is the most stereotypical character on this list - the teenage sexpot stripper with a heart of gold who loves to wear revealing clothing and seduce men for information. Now none of those things are objectively bad but it's a default when it comes to women in comics. It's unfortunate because the moments when she is just a character in her own right are amazing. Priscilla came into her power when it was discovered she had Kheran ancestry. Recruited onto a team of other full and partial Kheran people stranded on earth she fought in a shadow war against the Kherans historic enemies - the Daemonites, also stranded. The Daemonites can possess everyday people easily and Priscilla has the power to not only see beyond the surface but also to exercise a Daemonite from its host. The reason she's in the questionable section of this list is because the fact that she is part African-American is only brought up when they need to justify something like her learning/dealing with the religion of Vodun and almost completely ignored otherwise. There's also an unfortunate coincidence (I'm giving them the benefit of a doubt) that in addition to being the only part brown person on the team she's also the only one who is part Daemonite. Okay so if there's all these negatives why is she on this list? Priscilla is actually - if you tally all of her powers or potential powers from her Kheran ancestry, her Daemonite ancestry, her psychic abilities, her military training and her vodun training - potentially one of the most powerful heroes in the DC universe. They very rarely acknowledge her powerful nature long term but she's basically and immortal, psychic, warrior-vodun priestess which is kinda awesome. Also because at the hands of talented writers she becomes an amazing character. When she discovers the cause she's been fighting for all this time is false and the Kherans back home are pretty much racist and privileged. She's the first to rebel, even against people she considered friends and mentors. This marks her departure from the wildC.A.T.s, unable to trust most of them again and though she's returned a couple times since it's never permanent. Priscilla is one of those characters you love for her moments of awesome and because of what she could be. ARC TO READ: WildC.A.T.s vol. 1 #21-#27 The storyline where they return to Khera, some deep moments of politics, betrayal, friendship and tradition. CURRENTLY? Since Wildstorm has been folded into the main DC universe she had her own series that lasted 12 issues and has been popping up here and there in other comics. Pantha (codename: N/A) was an experiment by the Wildebeest Society. In an attempt to create host bodies strong enough to host the evil spirits who possessed their leader, Jericho (it's a long unsatisfying story, just go with it). Pantha was the only experiment to survive initially. She had no memory of her past even had no idea if she had started as a human or a panther which is I hesitate to put her on the list at all. However a number of other sources list her as a black woman which I hope is based on an alternate version of Pantha we meet in Booster Gold named Rosabelle Mendez, who was a vet student kidnapped and sold to the Wildebeest Society by Max Lord. Though this can probably be taken as her canon origin I'm a purist and if it's in an alternate world it's always questionable. Either way Pantha was an awesome character, completely antisocial and violent she was more interested in discovering what was done to her and clawing the responsible parties eyes out than making friends. The draw of her character was seeing her grow and change while never losing her edge. She came to care for a couple of people but overall was disdainful of company and thought people were betrayers and a waste of time. by the hands of crazy superboy. One of her biggest changes came with the last Wildebeest experiment they managed to save Baby Wildebeest, who was a child but when angered could grow to tremendous size and strength, imprinted on Pantha as Mama. Though she wasn't happy with it she eventually came to care for Baby and formed a relationship with russian superhero Red Star. She eventually moved to Russia with him and Baby. Then her and Baby died :( ARC TO READ: The New Titans #109 -111 the search for who she really is continues CURRENTLY? Deceased :( (along with Baby Wildebeest) :(((( This is the death I'm saddest about because both of their deaths were such throwaways. You know how every comic fan has that one ignored character that if they ever got to write for comics they would choose to write? Mine is Pantha. So final sign off is this: #BringPanthaAndBabyWildebeestBack!

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islahhofficial · 4 years

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10 Issues That Can Impact Your Ramadan

During the month of Ramadan we often receive a lot of information instructing us on its significance, what to do and what nullifies a fast. However, we often overlook other aspects of the human condition and things that we either impose upon ourselves or have imposed upon us that impact the full experience.

1. Ibadah: During the month of Ramadan we increase our ibadah with the fasting, reading the Qur’an, extra prayers, kindness, charitable deeds and heightened consciousness of striving to please our Lord. However, ‘your’ ibadah is not mine and some family members may leave off responsibilities that impact the family. Remember that we have rights over each other.

Islam is a religion of common sense. During Itikaf, a time of intense spiritual reflection, Rasullah (peace be upon him) would not leave to visit the sick or attend a funeral. Yet it is reported in Sahih Bukhari of an incident where that he left to escort Safiyyah home after she came to visit him during the night. He saw himself responsible for her safety. This is an example of the rights our families have over us even in the midst of our own heightened spirituality.

2. Moonsighting Conflicts: Each year the start and end of the month of Ramadan is determined by the sighting of the moon. Therefore, even if a start day is listed on a calendar or ‘determined’ a few days before, it is important to follow this Sunnah. There is little need to complain or argue about errors nor demean or defame those who start on a different day. This is an unnecessary fitnah that compromises the collective spirit of the ummah. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is reported in both Bukhari as relaying that Allah says “Every deed of Adam’s son is for him except fasting, it is for Me (Allah) and I shall reward (the fasting person) for it”. Fasting is between the individual and his Lord, and Allah tells us in the Holy Qu’ran that “O you who have believed, obey Allah and obey the Messenger and those in authority among you. And if you disagree over anything, refer it to Allah and the Messenger, if you should believe in Allah and the Last Day. That is the best [way] and best in result.” [Qur’an: Chapter 4, Verse 59]

3. Traditions: The month of Ramadan has its own traditions that are expanded upon by the family and culture in which we live. This may be anything from iftar and sahoor meals to how the Eid is observed. Families over time develop a habit of what will happen each year. Even family traditions that we once loved can become old. They may no longer be age appropriate, relevant in the current environment or even enjoyed. Don’t assume that just because you’ve been doing them forever that they’re still working. If they are, great, if not, change them! Or on the flip side, does your family even have traditions for the month of Ramadan? – if not start some.

4. Cooking and Preparing: Some families may find that they have one person who does all the planning, cooking, cleaning and preparation for the month of Ramadan. This person may be overwhelmed since they are not exempt from fasting or increasing their own ibadah. It is important for families to be aware of what we impose on each other. Making a schedule of shared duties is always a good idea and is a sadaqah that will enhance the month of Ramadan for the entire family Volunteer and pitch in when necessary. Rasullah (peace be upon him) said “Every act of goodness is a sadaqah”. [Muslim]

5. Finances: It is a good idea to discuss and set a budget ahead of time and stick to it. Zakatul-Fitr is due at the end of the month of Ramadan. In addition, there are expenses of gifts to family and friends, more sadaqah than usual, extra gas mileage to and from the masjid and even the expense of extra food for potlucks or iftars and dinners held at your home. There is also the trend in many Islamic centers to use the month of Ramadan as a time to fundraise for expenses, programs or schools. Some will have a ‘fund raising’ iftar practically every weekend for the community. Be aware that all of this ‘giving’ can put a strain on the family budget. We are reminded of the man who was dying and had only one heir, a daughter, that when he asked how much to give away, Rasullah (peace be upon him) instructed him that even giving away a third may be too much because it was better to leave one heirs well off then give so much they are forced into poverty or begging. Islam is a religion of moderation and we remind ourselves that balance is needed even with our good intentions.

6. Stress and Depression: Although many Muslims are reluctant to discuss that the month of Ramadan may cause stress or depression, this is a human reality. The stress of fasting on the body, Taraweh, or even extra company is best relieved with rest during the day before the evening activities. On the flip side, resting too much creates the stress of inactivity and boredom. In this case the remedy is extra Ibadah, work and charitable deeds. Depression during the month of Ramadan may be caused by separation from family, health issues, financial concerns or loneliness and isolation. Community reluctance to acknowledge the problem only exacerbates the problem. We may reach out to each other for friendly or even professional help. The Best Help comes from Allah, The Most High as we read the Qur’an for comfort and guidance and make dua:

“I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with…that You make the Qur’an the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety” [Ahmed].

7. Socialization: There may be many events that you may want to attend during the month of Ramadan. Discuss and coordinate invitations with your family. It is Sunnah to acknowledge and respond to an invitation. Rasullah (peace be upon him) explained “If you are invited by two people at the same time, accept the invitation of him whose door is closer to you because the rights of the one whose door is closer to you come first.” [Abu Dawud]. This is important since the Muslim community by and large is isolated into cultural cliques. There are Muslims who have migrated to the US and have never invited an American convert to their home to enjoy iftar and dinner. There are American Muslims who have never socialized outside their madhab. On the flip side, some Muslims have absolutely NO socialization during the month of Ramadan receiving no invitations because they are new, live too far away or a different race/ethnic group. A man asked the Prophet (peace be upon him), “What Islamic traits are the best?” The Prophet said, “Feed the people, and greet those whom you know and those whom you do not know.” [Bukhari] Khutbahs abound of Muslim fraternity, but the reality is quite a bit less, so the month of Ramadan is a time to balance our words with real actions.

8. Family and In-Laws: The month of Ramadan is a time for family, but we can have difficult family members. If you have non-Muslim or non-practicing family members, it is important to use your best judgment of how to interact. If they disrupt your fast with their behavior or speech, don’t engage but rather refer back to the hadith related by Abu Huraira “Fasting is a shield. When any one of you is fasting on a day, he should neither indulge in obscene language, nor raise the voice; or if anyone reviles him or tries to quarrel with him he should say: I am a person fasting.” [Muslim]

In-laws, can be an additional challenge especially for couples of mixed cultures. Compromise best ensures that everyone feels their rights have been recognized and the tranquility maintained.

9. Children: Muslim children participate in the month of Ramadan even at a young age. It has been reported that Umar (peace be upon him) observed a man drunk in the streets during the month of Ramadan and admonished him by quizzing “How could you be drunk, when our children are fasting?” This implies that at that time youth may have fasted regularly. There are varying opinions of how or when children fast, but children must see themselves as being a part of this blessed time. Young children can do crafts, memorize surahs and attend iftars. Older children can take turns preparing iftar and sahoor. Teens can do charitable deeds and not sleep the day away.

Blended families can be a challenge especially if there are custody battles or situations where the children may not be practicing Muslims after the separation and now think or behave differently. It is important to have limits and have open and honest discussions ahead of time about what is expected of these children.

10. Summer Time: Because we live all over the world, the length of our fasting day varies by hemisphere. During the summer around the equator the day may be 12 or 13 hours, whereas it is 15 to 17 hours in the northern hemisphere. This means late dinners, late Taraweh, short nights and long hot days. Some suffer heat exhaustion and sleep deprivation. Be aware that fasting is prescribed in the Holy Qur’an, but our bodies have rights over us and pushing yourself to do nafl activities may be physically harmful. The urge to be active during the long nights must be moderated that the day will come.

“O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous” [Qur’an: Chapter 2, Verse 183

Source: http://productivemuslim.com/10-issues-that-can-impact-your-ramadan/

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