#you fucking DID YOUR BEST

[goldkirk]

I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.

Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.

It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.

still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby

#we don't need to talk about how many months and months of therapy visits and doctor appointments I put on credit cards #among other things #but I had to put my foot down about it a couple months ago and shout at myself a little saying HEY #I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM SHOUTING FOR YOU TO HEAR #OF COURSE IT WAS A TERRIBLE FINANCIAL DECISION BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN EXPECTING TO BE ALIVE #THE CREDIT CARD DEBT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND IT DID AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY LESS IMPORTANT THAN THAT #why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time??? #just because you know NOW that you could have tried some other options doesn't mean you did THEN #you may have known enough to feel shame and guilt yes but you would never in a million years have gotten the help you needed fast enough #by attempting to go another route #you didn't trust anyone besides a very few handfuls of people and even them it wasn't fully #and the stress of running it through parental insurance was so terrifying to you bc you didn't know what that would do #and you never had cosigners for anything your whole adult life. it's OKAY #you fucking DID YOUR BEST #YOU HAVE LEARNED. YOU HAVE MADE CHANGES. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE BETTER #YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LEARN AND IMPROVE OVER TIME #it is not the end of the world. even the utilities sending you to debt collections etc etc #YOU ARE FIGURING IT OUT ONE PIECE AT A TIME #MORE PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF THEIR OWN FINANCES THAN YOU THINK #if the people who fought and argued with and shamed you for considering student loans much less taking them out #had wanted you to actually be financially safer and healthier #they could have just fucking helped out or cosigned your loans or actively helped you find other solutions #instead of spending months and months telling you it was the worst decision ever and would ruin you financially for decades and such #you made the best decisions you could with the level of terror and knowledge that you had. it was enough to keep you alive. #isn't that enough? #isn't it a victory to survive?? isn't that enough?????? #god i'm cringing at sharing this but if it's been this hard for me surely at LEAST one of you has also made financial mistakes or regrets #and seeing me be honest that I fucked it all up too and it's a mess and I'm just climbing back through it as best as I can as I go #will hopefully make at least one of you feel a tiny bit less alone

[trans-cuchulainn]

i don't have the words to articulate it at this moment but there's something about the way that people have specific expectations for "authenticity" and will dismiss anything that falls outside them as a mangled, anglicised version of the thing when actually that is the older and more traditional form of something, it just doesn't match their expectations. obviously in my personal experiences i'm mostly talking about medieval literature here especially medieval irish literature

sometimes this is as simple as spelling – i've had people argue that the name "finn" is anglicised and it should always be "fionn" to be Really Irish, but "finn" is an older spelling, glide vowels are later, if you wanna go real far back it'll be "find" (nd in place of nn is an older spelling pattern). or they'll hear someone say "ogam" and assume they're mispronouncing "ogham" due to lack of knowledge of irish and not consider the fact that medievalists tend to use the older form of the word. or they'll Well Actually you about "correct" terminology which wasn't standardised (and/or invented) until the 20th century

a lot of this is defensive and the result of seeing a lot of people ACTUALLY get this stuff wrong and have no respect for the language. in that regard i understand it, although it becomes very tedious after a while, particularly when people sanctimoniously declare something "inauthentic", "fake", or "anglicised" without doing enough research to realise it's not trying to be modern irish and is in fact correct for older forms of the language

more often however this search for the projected "authenticity" is ideological and has much larger flaws and more problematic implications. "this can't be the real story because it's christian" well... that's the oldest version of the story that exists and it postdates christianity in ireland by about nine hundred years, so... maybe question why you're assuming the only "real" version of irish stories can't be a christian one? this is especially true when it comes to fíanaigecht material tbh, but in general there seems to a widespread misapprehension about ireland's historical relationship with christianity (i have seen people arguing that christianity in ireland is the result of english colonialism which took their "true" faith from them... bro. they were christian before the "english" existed. half the conversion efforts went the other way. please read some early medieval history thank you)

however i also saw someone saying this about arthurian literature lately which REALLY baffled me. "we'll never have the Real arthurian stories only the christianised versions" and it was in the context of chivalric romance. buddy you are mourning something that does not exist. this "authentic" story you're looking for isn't there. that twelfth century story you're dismissing as a christian bastardisation is as "real" a part of this tradition as you're going to get

#in general if you do not want christianity in your medieval literature maybe arthuriana is not the best choice #it is. so fucking christian #as for fíanaigecht. did they think st patrick was there by accident #the arthuriana comment took me out though. #the christianised versions. of chivalric romance. #YOU MEAN THE CHRÉTIENISED VERSIONS?? IS THAT THE PROBLEM? #anyway this is not a pro christianity statement this is a pro historical accuracy statement #medieval #medieval literature

[inkskinned]

it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.

i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.

it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.

#warm up #writeblr #i spent a lot of time picturing our future #how funny to think: in each version of our future #i was never myself #i was someone smarter kinder braver #better adept. #who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me #i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me #people usually talk about how we picture people as being “fixable”. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you. #it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy #the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself: #if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay. #for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing. #and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made #it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'. #a few days ago while i was doing something else #i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized . #you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly. #you said: you're doing this to manipulate me. #you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO #SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me. #i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness #you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.

[heartorbit]

revstar emu save me

#please watch revue starlight #project sekai #pjsk #prsk #emu otori #proseka #Im so mad i wrote 8 million tags stream of consciousness style and then aposted this to the weong account #im not rewriting all that. you get NOTHING. #actually i will say again i have no idea why this kind of blee up on twit please WATCH TEVUE STAKRIGHTBTNGL #i KNOW 4 thiusand of you did not watch it Watch revue starlight Do not speak of yuri unless you partske in the revue #sorry. anyways #the jist of it was ahh the assignments -> making cosplay -> might post it here if i can take a bice photo for once in my life #because im proud of it. as mortifying as it is. #my best friend is cosplaying an im the clown Two lesbians walk into the metro convention centre(is that where toronto comicon is????) #Oh right i was thinking of making little drswings of pjsk charas or at least exs and printing them out in bulk on a dheet of paper #and coloring them in w markers and giving them to people at the pjsk meetup or vendors i get merch from.. #i thought itd be fun. Also i swear to god i have a sheet of like MAGNET paper somewhere i want to make people emu magnets #Ok i fucking for real have to go to sleep i have to get up for class in 5 hours. wuit your college join my emo(daily affirmations)

[gabe-lovebot]

councilor 3D model

i learnt 3d modelling from the ground up to bring him to life. he's yours now. do whatever you want with him

[link]

please credit me if you make something using the model (or even ping/link me to it, i would love to see what you made!)

currently available as a .blend, .fbx and an SFM port.

#hello councilnation i'm finally releasing him to the wild #have fun playing toys with him #ultrakill #councilor #councilor ultrakill #3d stuff #obviously with the councilor having just 1 full body image of him means that some stuff i had to improvise on #so you get to enjoy my headcanons on how he looks #(like obviously the wings & halo) #(but also the chestplate design) #but did you know that the councilor's canon design has subtle engravings on his forearm armor pieces? #i only barely noticed them when painting textures and i was floored #i had to add them #to the sfm anon and whoever else wants to use this for sfm stuff- #i did my best with a port for sfm and i'm quite proud of the result #but please be aware i have never used it before so if you find that something doesn't work as it should please please let me know!! #gonna pour my heart out in tags as always so close your eyes if you don't wanna see me being sentimental but #i'm not kidding when i say i learnt 3d modelling from the ground up for this #i have meddled with blender before but never actually came close to finishing a project #and i don't know how i did it and how i kept going #(i do know) (it was my friend encouraging me every time i showed him progress) #this was like 1 entire month in the making #but i'm so fucking proud of this and how it turned out and people's tags in my act 2 render genuinely were such a huge confidence boost #so thank you guys for liking it <3 #i'm still very much thinking of doing a version with just his bloodied head #but it might take a while because i want a break and i want to play warframe

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

"See you tomorrow"

MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 4 [prev parts]

#better drawn mdzs #MDZS Disco Elysium AU #mdzs au #Lan wangji #wei wuxian #yiling laozu #Happy Belated Halloween! #digital art #Thank you all for your patience as I drove myself into a madness only known by those lost at seas alone. #I put a lot of time into this one! It's not perfect but I am very happy with it + I am so happy to put down the tablet pen. #Digital art has some nice features but I'm sticking with traditional! I need a month to recover from the 2+ weeks of torture. #Okay lets talk about the AU and the comic now #Disco elysium has some of the best existential-horror-dream sequences I have ever seen. #The dialogue here is heavily inspired by The Final Dream - A scene I'd love to talk about more were it not so heavy with spoilers. #My AU is a lot more complex than a simple character swap but I really felt like LWJ + YLLZ fit this scene. #The final dream is about being unable to move on from a lost love. From something You made holy. From something You ruined. #It is about realizing that no matter how smart you are or what you offer or how you try to change - #You will never be able to turn back time. You will never ever be able to fix what is broken. That you also have been broken for a long time #You are a fuck-up who worships the nail covered ground of someone who did not want to be holy. And even though it hurts- #You cannot let this nightmare go. The pain keeps the love close. It is worse to forget. You promised to remember. #WWX died thinking LWJ disliked him. LWJ lost someone he thought was revolted by his love.

[lord-squiggletits]

I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.

I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.

The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...

Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.

I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.

And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?

It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.

To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.

In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.

Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.

So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.

What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.

Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?

#squiggposting #pharma apologism #i'm sure the doylist reason for the writing is just that pharma was a designated villain #so since he's a villain and 'crazy' it's fine for everyone even the good guys to treat him like complete trash #i just think from a watsonian perspective taking a sympathetic approach is way more interesting and logically consistent #what i mean is like. from a meta perspective one of the best ways to show that a character is super evil and not worth saving #is when even the good guy heroes. the ones who are supposed to be kind and compassionate and wise. see him as dirt #and this is also kind of a necessity in most plots bc TF is the kind of series that just needs action villains and long-term antagonists #so not every villain is written or has a plot to be made redeemable. and pharma is one of these bc he's not important or a legacy character #so from a doylist (meta) perspective you could read the autobots' disregard of pharma as a sign of #'this guy is not meant to have your sympathy as a reader. pay no attention to him' #but from a watsonian (in universe) perspective it paints a miserable picture of pharma being utterly forsaken by the ppl he served alongsid #and like yeah i'm super autistic about pharma so of course i view him with sympathy but like #the idea of being a loyal and good person for years only to be subjected to a Torment Nexus of #being blackmailed into breaking all of the oaths you held sacred. under threat of you and all your comrades dying horrible torturous deaths #then when your comrades find out about it they focus solely on the 'harvesting organs' and not on the 'blackmail' part #and then you get literally left for dead by your comrades and best friend hating your guts #and then you get rescued by a guy who uses you as a test subject for his evil machine #this is a fucking nightmare scenario like pharma could hardly be suffering more if the author TRIED to make him suffer #and for me it's like. the evil pharma did can't be decontextualized to what drove him to that. as well as the question of like #how easily ppl can write someone off as evil and turn a blind eye to (or even find satisfaction in) their suffering bc theyre evil #and either brought it on themselves or it's just karma paying a visit #like. i feel like if pharma WERE a shitty doctor and a terrible person his whole life then the delphi situation would feel like karma #but the way it's written and the lore retroactively put in makes it feel more pharma getting thrown in a torture carousel #and THEN becoming evil. but then being treated as if he was always evil or was some sort of bad apple #bc like i'm not opposed to LOLing when a villain gets a karmic torture/death related to the wrongs they committed #but in pharma's case it feels less like karma and more like endless torture + being abandoned by ppl who should have been more loyal

[swampthingking]

andrew’s definitely gotten in trouble with his pr manager for tweeting things along the lines of:

“no mania inducing medication will compare to the euphoria i will feel the day donald trump drops dead”

#pr manager is like: andrew… this is the last time i’m gonna tell you #andrew: whats the point of democracy if i can’t exercise freedom of speech #pr manager: andrew it’s no longer about your image #at this point we are concerned the fbi is going to show up #andrew: neil has connections. i’m fine #they thought marketing andrew on social media would be good #they were sooooo wrong #because now andrew has a place to share every insane thing he’s ever thought #for instance—a tweet that just says ‘an alien googling: human clothes’ #he’s on there advocating for lgbtq+ youth you KNOW HE IS #he’s cursing and mildly threatening members of congress for imposing these disgusting bills #one day he tweeted ‘does mitch mcconnell know he’s dead yet’ #when mitch mcconnell stepped down from senate andrew tweeted ‘hopefully next he steps down from life’ #unsurprisingly: this endears him to some people and makes others fucking hate him #and he’s such a shit. he does not care either way #he’s kind of just like: pr manager. you gave me a twitter and told me to tweet. i’m just doing what you asked me #they’ve threatened to change his password so many times #they actually did once but andrew reported the account so many times for defamation and fraud that it got suspended #and he made a new account out of pure spite #his pr manager is like: andrew nobody is going to want to sign you because of your public image #and andrew is like: ?? ok. they can lose every game then #(he knows he’s the best goalie) #ok i think that’s enough for now. however i will probably be back #andrew minyard #aftg #tfc #trk #tkm #the foxhole court #all for the game

[tenisperfection]

7x04 being from Buck's perspective broke my brain because of the way we saw Eddie through Buck's eyes. Then I realized that Suspicion, where Eddie was shot, was from Eddie's perspective, and all of Surviviors was from Buck's perspective and I want to jump into the ocean.

#the implications...... #we saw eddie's turmoil when carla brought up the follow your heart line #his agony over charlie's abuse #then the shooting and watching his best friend splattered with his blood #that split second where he realized who buck was to him and has been all along #the way he wanted to reach out and touch buck one last time #(do not think about eddie thinking about chris under any circumstances but if you do imagine eddie feeling relieved that buck will be there #and sorrow that he won't be there with chris and won't get to see him grow up and won't get to see buck #and then we have survivors right #we immediately jump to buck's perspective with him getting eddie into the ambulance and eddie asking if buck was hurt *sobs* #and the whole episode is mostly buck's side #but so is the will scene!!!! #because we obviously went nuts over the implications of it #but consider the tone of the scene--there's devotion yes #but most of the tone is that of disbelief #because buck can't believe eddie did this and eddie didn't tell him and eddie is telling him now #and eddie wants buck to carry on for christopher if eddie is gone #and buck absolutely would #but in his mind he can't fathom a world where he has to exist without eddie #and eddie is the one asking him to #hahahahah fuck you don't find it son you make it all over again #buck made this and buck chose this and buck has to live with it #i can't wait for these men to realize/bring to light all the love between them #911 abc #this unraveling on a saturday afternoon is brought to you by insanity

[wtfforged]

#i just like when the tables turn and its sanji whos annoying and picking on zoro #imnot even gonna put a caption man im going to sleep #goodn=bye. leaf me alone. i dont want to look at these fucklechucks anymore. i hate them #get away from me #i always struggle with both of their hairstyles. especially sanji. i should shave him bald im sick of you im so fucking sick of you #okay image-crunchinator 5000. hit me with your best fucking shot. you better make it count. you better kill me in one shot #edit: it did. orz #wtf... art #one piece fanart #roronora zoro #zoro #sanji #sanji black leg #can be these if u squint -> #zosan #sanzo

[bobzora]

clock strike 12

#my art #persona 3 #p3 #minato arisato #makoto yuki #aigis #s.e.e.s #i have been first thinking about making this drawing since... about when i finished fes? and then i started it before reload came out. #long time coming! was a little obsessed with the clock thing will not lie #sooo the only thing from reload that made it in was his little sprout ahoge. moe #anyway I LOVE MINATO ARISATO!!!! MIMI!!!! dies. dies. heart #this drawings kind of huge i actually had to scale it down to get it to fit! lolmao. #also please ignore koromaru i did my best and that's what counts. xoxo #little detail: in the sketching stage i referenced their faces in the scene where they reunite with him :) idk how much that stayed bc i di #not keep referencing that but ! that was something i did. #also if i was better and more awesome i would have thanatos in the top right but your honor. i was not going to fucking do that. <3 #...might edit 2 make this my phone background. maybe #I LOVE YOU PERSONA THREE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks for coming.

[mueritos]

i hope we continue to see more protests within the US military. i see a lot of leftists and folks who are anti-military who have such an open disdain for the people who are in the military, yet neglect to considering the conditions this country makes to produce ideology, poverty, and the illusion of choice to make all kinds of people choose to enlist in the military. You ever see those videos of ROTC kids recording each other asking why they joined the military and everyone's like, "healthcare", "it helped me go to college", "I was bored" or "free ptsd lol". I hate to remind everyone but folks who are in the military are people, too, and they are the same victims and perpetrators of violence as the rest of you, we have all been shallowly conditioned to view each other as enemies just because one person is wearing army greens and the other is not.

some of the biggest anti-war advocates are those who engaged in war. Veterans who genuinely believed they were protecting the US against "terrorism" come back with blood on their hands, and they choose to realize that it was US imperialism that forced them to carry out violence, instead of doubling down and shielding themselves from the fact that they too are capable of atrocities... This is a class of people who are intentionally conditioned to be as poor and as ideologically aligned to US imperialism so that the military has a never-ending pool to send their youth to destroy other country's youth. The only people I have ever heard say "do not join the military" are those who ARE military.

This is in no way to ever excuse or explain away any of the atrocious war crimes and violence this industry and its people have committed against others. What I am saying is that we absolutely cannot cast aside the individuals who have been victimized within US imperialism, even if they are wearing army greens. I was speaking with my Palestinian classmate last week and another classmate--a member of the US air force-- walked up to me and struck up a conversation. My military classmate showed me her new bird, bid both of us goodbye, and left. My Palestinian classmate asked me if I was close with her, and I said we talked quite often, and she said, "I never met a person who's in the military. I still hate the military, but I never knew that they did, too. I didn't realize that they were also victims."

If my Palestinian classmate--one who is actively watching her own community die--can understand that it is not individuals who are the problem but it is in fact systems, US imperialism, white supremacy, capitalism...why can't we all? And she has EVERY reason to hate any individual military member. A lot of online activism just creates more barriers. if your optics look bad, complicated, or contradictory, you are cast aside. Everyone has got the be the perfect activist, you can never make a mistake or share a half-baked thought, you should always believe every word from a marginalized persons mouth (because being marginalized doesn't mean you're not entrenched in white supremacy too!) and you should never question what you see...Do you know what you sound like? The very imperialists who are convincing poor whites to vote against themselves. Perfectionism is white supremacy. Black & white thinking is white supremacy.

I'd rather have a military member who genuinely believed in the US imperialism machine but was disillusioned after being deployed as my comrade than some leftist who cherishes the performance of "being a good person". I don't want "good people" in our movements. I want humans who care. I want humans who make mistakes and who learn from them. I want humans who accept the messiness of a person. I want humans who hold others accountable and allow themselves to take responsibility for their actions. I want people who change for themselves and others.

fight systems, not individual people. we can change each other, but if we're too preoccupied looking like the World's Perfect Activists, we will only consume each other alive. Connect to your fellow humans, forever and always.

#muertotalks #a mind dump after seeing so much come out after the self immolation of the us air force member #i know hes not the first one to self immolate for palestine #and he might not be the last #i hate the military #i really fucking do #but i choose to see the people within them as victims within the overall system just like the rest of us #i will never go through what they did to make them choose to enlist #i never struggled with poverty homelessness healthcare or social acceptance #i wont shame them #shame is not productive #i want them to know there are civilians who support their protests #i want them to know that we their allies too #a note on my palestinian classmate #if youre arab or also a colonized person impacted by the us military feel free to hate every member of the military #i dont intend to police yall in how you choose to feel your anger #im angry with you #the point i mean to make is about understanding and compassion #someone who has every right to hate these people still chose to see them as the people they are #yes i even want the best for the “bad” people in the military too #i dont want these people to continue the ideology but we cant stop that without dismantling these systems #and we cant do that without creating spaces for healing and reform and growth #so many thoughts so many thoughts #none of this is easy #i fight daily against impulsively hating the world #everyday is a fight to choose compassion and understanding #but being a leftist and doing leftism is not fucking easy #if you genuinely think it is it isnt #and you may be missing the point of what leftism is #anyway

[introspectivememories]

#AUUUGH WAILING SCREAMING CRYING SLIDING DOWN THE WALL SOBBING #BROCEDES PLEASE WHY COULDN'T YOU TWO HAVE BEEN NON-FAMOUS #WHY DID YOU DRAG ALL OF US INTO YOUR SITUATIONSHIP #my mom is sick of me wailing about them. nearly collapsed at work when i remembered 'yes... and team-mate' #sliver springs is going platinum in my house rn #how can you be childhood friends and just fall apart like that? i think about falling out with tas like that and i go nearly catatonic #yeah you're a 7x wdc winner and you got the one wdc that you wanted but was it worth it? was this loss worth it? would you do it again? #going by the interviews they probably would and that's why they fell out in the first place. i literally cannot imagine caring about some #trophy over my childhood best friend but like i guess that's why they're pro level athletes and i'm in my room posting about them #anyway what the fuck was up during f1 photographers during their fallout? why is every photo of them cinematic? did you know we'd be using #them? did you know we'd go crazy? or were you also like 'oh this is cinema in the making. i gotta capture this.'? #anyway for all of that want to know where the quote is from‚ it's jacob black from twilight when bella is getting turned into a vamp #stephanie meyer had one (1) banger line and it was this #brocedes #brocedes edit #f1 edit #f1 web weaving #nico rosberg #lewis hamilton #nr6 #lh44 #formula 1 #web weaving #please ignore my absolutely atrocious photo editing skills. thank you imgflip!!

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

"distant relative" i assume you are referring to my father?

#happy father's day everyone! #mine was fucking terrible he received a C- rating at best #and that is me being fucking GENEROUS with the grading rubric yeah #anyway i love and respect anyone who feels the need to quietly publicly shame their negligent father figure on anonymous social media #there should be a RateMyProfessor website but it's RateMyParents #it would serve no possible practical purpose but it would be as potentially psychologically scalding as a ghost pepper and/or supernova so. #do it #.......that could actually be so interesting #comparing and contrasting the reviews of siblings and half-siblings and step-siblings #the differences in parental perception between the Black Sheep/Scapegoat and the Golden Child and the Middle Child and So On #(on that note why are the two main idioms for being blacklisted in your own family both *livestock* related who laid that groundwork) #ANYway. back to RateMyFather #this one dad gets nine 5-star reviews and one absolutely SCATHING no-stars review #which mathematically leaves him with a 4.5 rating BUT #the main thing you are left wondering is how did one dad end up with TEN reviews that is in itself an Indictment

[hecksupremechips]

Something about Steven Universe being asked why he wasn’t Pink Diamond when he should be and him screaming “SHES GONE” in the most bone chilling way that shook the world and broke the ground beneath him

Something about Lake breaking the train’s engine room in frustration after being denied over and over again, screaming and crying right at you saying that they’re not Tulip, not a sliver, not a null, or anything else that other people have labeled them, they are a PERSON

More of that please

#steven universe #infinity train #transgender #just god. that trans rage. it fucks me up every fucking time ill never recover #it just gets right up in your face and tells you that there is something wrong with you for not getting it through your skull #that these people are who they say they are #anyway shout out to the best trans metaphors ever and yes i did just watch the su finale #and i did go batshit insane once again over the SHES GONE scene

[essektheylyss]

Honestly, it is so funny remembering that Annabeth Chase's literal, stated, canonical fatal flaw is hubris.

Rick Riordan was like, "This clever, neurodivergent preteen girl believes that she is smarter than the gods, and she will get the chance to prove herself right," and he was correct. 😌

#pjo #honestly annabeth best character cuz in the end the gods straight up are like 'you're right. here's your dream come true' #like never once did mr. riordan say 'and she should stop being like that.' #honestly in general mega props to pjo for framing fatal flaws as a source of strength consistently #both percy and annabeth in the end get to be So Valid in their fatal flaws lmao #like it's so funny that in the end percy straight up is like 'I don't know shit but you all need to shut up and listen to annabeth' #and annabeth is like 'I might be an asshole but percy is the best most loyal person I know and we all need to be willing to die for him' #and they both are so correct for it. the NARRATIVE SAYS THEY ARE CORRECT ON BOTH COUNTS. #actually uwu cuz like #thinking about the fact that annabeth takes that dagger to protect percy and it's basically her last major act before the battle is won #and the fact that percy appeals to luke by saying 'annabeth was right listen to her' and that's how he finally wins #literally using each other's fatal flaws to win and live. ANYWAY I MADE MYSELF EMOTIONAL #as you can tell i will be a fucking wreck once the series comes out nobody touch me.