#because im proud of it. as mortifying as it is. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

The most popular pages on Tumblr are about Minecraft, GIFs, and David J. Peterson.

#because im proud of it. as mortifying as it is.

twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 3 months

Text

ask me to leave and i’ll stay forever ; satoru gojo

synopsis; satoru is stubborn; even when plagued by such a high fever, he insists there’s no need to take care of him. thankfully, you’re equally as stubborn.

word count; 10.8k

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, implied non-sorcerer!reader, sickfic, reverse comfort, sickening amounts of fluff, lots of petnames, satoru gojo vs the mortifying ordeal of being loved, just a tinyyyy bit of angst if u rlly squint, literally just satoru being pampered for like 10k words straight, he’s cute when he’s sick but still manages to be a lil shit <33, he’s also a huge sap you have been warned!!

a/n; what can i say, im a proud member of the ”satoru gojo needs to be babied relentlessly” club <33 he’s just a little guy!! tagging @catchuuu my beloved for being the sweetest enjoy a healthy dose of sick sleepy satoru <33 i am tagging all toru enjoyers in spirit btw i love u all

you’ve never seen satoru like this before.

head buried into a big pillow, white locks tousled and sticking to his forehead — skin sweaty, hot to the touch, with a flushed face to match. heavy breaths fall from his parted lips, blinking in and out of consciousness, squeezing his eyes shut.

it’s nothing like the joyous, loud, cocky satoru you’re so used to. he’s weak. he’s fatigued.

he’s completely, undoubtedly sick.

”really, baby,” he slurs, raspy and dry. still attempting to raise himself up, arms straining under the weight of his shivering body. ”there’s no need f’ —”

unceremoniously, his limbs give out beneath him, and he tumbles right back down; a meek little wince escaping his throat as his face falls back into the mattress. the sound makes your heart squeeze tightly in your chest.

”ah. that’s…” he tries to speak, a disgruntled hum muffled by the sheets. ”… annoying.”

satoru sounds frustrated. you can tell he’s resisting the urge to close his eyes, a little helpless, unable to even move properly, like a fish out of water. he’s still breathing unevenly, still sweating, still burning up — you can practically feel it, from where you’re standing, crouched down by his bed.

you’ve never, ever seen satoru like this. you’ve seen him sniffling during flu season, wrecked with headaches during rainy season. you’ve seen him vulnerable; not many times, but enough that it matters.

but you’ve never seen him like this.

(and it makes you terribly anxious.)

”satoru, please just —” you croak, gnawing at your bottom lip. trying desperately to swallow the worry in your chest. ”don’t overdo it. please?”

you can hear the anxious little timbre of your own voice, and you can feel the frown tugging at your lips. but you can’t do anything to quell the insistent pitter patter of your heartbeat, the ache that accompanies it. satoru’s lying down, still trying to gather the strength to reassure you, even through the feverish haze clouding his mind.

he looks so small.

this wasn’t what you were expecting to see, today. you were expecting to meet up with satoru, and see his happy little grin, those tiny dimples and freckles that only show themselves in the light of the sun. you were expecting to feel the weight of his hand in yours, as you strolled down to the new crêpe stand he’s been wanting to check out since he first found their instagram account.

you were expecting to see him happy. healthy. a little obnoxious, a little annoying — but hopelessly sweet. all the love you could ever need, molded into a human shape. your little angel.

a sigh slips from your lips. you can’t help it; because satoru is just so stubborn, so closed off, and he can be such an idiot sometimes. you knew something was off the moment he sent you that text, asking you oh so charmingly, apologetically, if you could postpone your date for just an hour or so. you knew something was wrong, but he still wouldn’t let up until you brought out the 🥺 emojis.

and then he told you he was fine. it’s all he ever is, apparently.

my throat’s just a little scratchy, is all. wouldn’t want you to miss out on the voice you love so much, yeah?

give me an hour and i’ll be perfect for you. <3

moron.

he’s curled up in a fetal position, trying to stop himself from shivering, muttering little reassurances under his breath that you can’t make out. wearing ripped jeans and a nice jacket, like he was fully prepared to head out like this — like he genuinely thought an hour, some painkillers and a dream would be enough to chase away a fever this severe. like he was so desperate to see you he was fully willing to take that risk.

moron. moron. he should’ve called you the moment he realized he was sick. instead, you had to coax him into letting you come over, with a flurry of sad and cute emojis you know make him go weak at the knees when they’re coming from you.

and here you are. in satoru’s house, in front of his bed, trying to convince him that he is, in fact, sick.

but he just won’t listen.

”just — gimme a couple minutes, honey?” your boyfriend mumbles, barely coherent, stringing words together haphazardly. awfully dizzy. ”i just need the painkillers to kick in, i promise i —”

”satoru.”

there’s a sad tint to your voice, now. unmistakable. one that satoru notices, even through the feverish, muddy filter over his reality.

and it makes him quiet down.

(he doesn’t want to disappoint you.)

as gently as you can, you settle down on the bed, eyes painfully softened. overflowing with care. towering over him, leaning close — to press your lips against his scorching forehead, brushing away his sweaty bangs with a palpable tenderness. your voice soothing, coming out almost as a low coo. you’re frustrated, and exasperated.

but most of all, you’re worried.

”go back to sleep,” you hum, a gentle command. your hand finds his, cold skin meeting warm, tracing circles over his palm. ”i’ll take care of you.”

”there’s no need,” he mutters, instantaneous. so used to denying kindness.

but he curls an arm around your waist, anyway, tugging you closer; a little needy. like you’re much too far away for his liking. finally beginning to settle down, coaxed into resting by the soft touches your grace him with. it’s only a matter of time.

so you keep your lips against his forehead, cradling his slender fingers in yours, murmuring little whispered reassurances. and before you know it, his lashes have fluttered shut, like a white dove landing on the ground. he still looks so troubled, so meek. you can’t resist the urge to soothe him, hand cupping his face, thumb smoothing over the apple of his cheek. you watch him lean into it, eyes dripping with care. your poor baby.

for a couple precious moments, you allow yourself to indulge in the sight. even like this, he looks a bit like an angel, a painting come to life. like one wrong brushstroke could smudge him.

so you’re delicate, as you trace little hearts into his skin, delicate as you maneuver his body enough to peel the layers of clothing off him — leaving him in only an oversized tee and a pair of briefs. satoru can only whine, softly, so quiet you barely even hear him. so disoriented, on the brink of falling into a deep slumber. some part of him is trying to resist, you’re sure, still agonizing over the date he’s missing out on. as if anything matters more than his health.

but it doesn’t work. he can only let out a tiny groan, hopelessly pliant as you tuck him in, pulling a big blanket over his shoulders. you card through his hair, another soft kiss planted on his sweaty forehead — and your hand stays between his locks until you’re sure he’s asleep. his breathing mellows out, his grip around your waist loosens, seeking comfort from you even in his dreams.

you’d crawl under the blankets with him, but you have work to do.

stealing one final glance at your fever-ridden lover, your heartbeat ricochets. he still looks so meek, all warm and sweaty, shirt sticking to his skin. a frown tugs at your bottom lip.

satoru is always so stubborn, refusing to lean on others for support. you wish he had called you immediately, nagged at you to come baby him. sure, you might’ve sighed in faux exasperation, and teased him a little, but it still would’ve made you feel happy. useful. and you would’ve done it in a heartbeat. maybe, if you just prove that you can take care of him properly, he’ll do it next time.

so you stand up, leaning down to press your lips against his forehead one last time, and make your way towards the kitchen.

satoru’s house is spacious. a little too spacious, enough for at least three people to live in comfortably; nice furniture, an expensive sofa in the living room, a large tv you’re almost certain he only keeps around for white noise. such are the ways of the rich, you suppose. he doesn’t invite you over very often, so you’ve never had the chance to get very affiliated with the space. it’s always the other way around — him, waiting for you on the couch when you get home, chirping out an unconvincing don’t even worry about it, baby! when you ask how he got in without a key. or him, showing up at your doorstep in the middle of the night, filling the sleepy silence with jokes to distract you from the bags under his eyes.

(he likes it when you cling to him in your sleep — he sleeps a lot better that way. that’s what he told you, at least, when you brought him coffee in bed that one time. a little glimmer of honesty.)

he stays over so often he might as well just move in, but you aren’t really sure how to even approach that subject. some part of you fears it’d be too much, too intimate, that he’d pack his bags and run away. bringing all his secrets with him, that soft laughter you’ve grown so fond of. so you figure it’s better to let him make a home out of yours, let him curl up on your couch and snack on the candy you hid in your kitchen cabinets. that’s safe for him.

and now that you’ve seen his home up close — if you can even call it that — you think you’re starting to understand his preference. because it’s spacious, yes, but also empty. save for expensive furniture and fake houseplants, there isn’t anything to indicate that the apartment belongs to him, that he feels comfortable there. like he hasn’t even bothered to make it his. like it’s about to be sold, and you’re just one of the potential buyers, checking the place out. admiring the patterns of the floorboards and the walls.

it doesn’t feel like satoru at all.

his own bedroom was another story, a much more pleasant one. a lot more satoru. filled with little trinkets, key charms and souvenirs and silly figurines. a framed photo of three students by the windowsill, an old uniform hanging by his closet, socks strewn about here and there. a dying houseplant. comic books and movie posters and a ps5 you don’t think he’s touched since he finished spiderman 2. a king sized bed, that makes him look like a spoiled little princess when he’s lying in it, next to a cat plushie you won for him at a fair. knowing he actually sleeps with it kind of makes you want to cry.

there’s this particular scent, too, lingering in the air. mellow, nostalgic, the kind that soothes you with just a whiff; a blend between sunlight, expensive cologne, and something sweet. it clings to all his favorite clothes, to his skin. you’d live in it if you could.

something constricts, inside your chest — like thorny vines strangling your beating heart, pressing down ever so slightly. just thinking about it, about him, about his distressed expression as his head hit the pillow. making your way over to his kitchen, getting yourself affiliated with the space, preparing to make a good soup for his fever. the fridge is almost empty, save for sweets and that one drink you like. the takeout boxes on his kitchen table tells you all you need to know.

it only makes you worry more.

luckily, you were clever enough to buy your own ingredients on the way here. chop, chop, into tiny little pieces. chicken soup should help, shouldn’t it? it’s all you can focus on, all you can hope for. anything is fine; you just want to help him, be of use somehow. he does so much for you.

you just want to give some of it back.

satoru’s loneliness is a subtle thing. flexible, alert, slipping away at the slightest sign of knowing eyes. for someone who’s so often surrounded by people, cracking jokes and laughing louder than anyone else, he doesn’t seem to make any noise when he’s alone. he curls into himself, just a bit, and a kind of reminiscence smooths over the contours of his face.

that’s when you see him. that lonely, lonely guy. resigned to his self-imposed isolation, paradoxically yearning for something more. watching as the cherry trees bloom, like they’ll give him the answers he seeks once they bear fruit.

but the moment you come into view, he smiles. knowing you won’t push it — that you’ll let him take his time. that you’ll let him flee, just a little.

still, you can’t help but wish he’d lean on you a little more. you wish you could chase his loneliness away with a pitchfork, but it’s a fickle creature. you somehow doubt he wants to part with it.

all you can do is love him. love him, love him, and love him some more; until he’s had his fill.

(you’re not sure he ever will. it’s a good thing, a very good thing, because you’re almost certain you’ll never run out.)

and that’s why you’re here. in his ghost of a home, his kitchen, pouring water into a large pot. tender, sprinkling love over every single action, every slice and dice, every piece of chicken and veggies thrown into the boiling water. you try and you try, hoping it’ll reach him.

but before you can make another attempt, something reaches you, instead.

two long arms curl around your waist, suddenly, something warm and soft pressing itself against your back. and you almost flinch, completely caught up in the stirring of the soup, unsure of how much time has passed since you began. it jolts you out of your thoughts.

you know who it is, though. never mind the fact that he’s the only other person in the apartment; you know it’s him by his touch alone, the weight of his arms, that particular scent that surrounds him. like memories of summer.

it’s awfully sweet, the way he clings to you, the soft little blissful sigh that slips from his lips. but before you can feel moved at the domesticity of the gesture, worry clouds your senses. he doesn’t even get the chance to speak.

”satoru —” you place a palm on his forearm, craning your head to look back at him. his forehead rests against your shoulder, and his eyes are closed. he’s still so warm, too warm. ”what are you doing here? you should be resting.”

your boyfriend mumbles something, under his breath, something that your ears can’t quite digest. he shifts, a little, as if getting ready to put on some sort of act — to smile and joke, or laugh and tease you. you can imagine what he’d say if he wasn’t in such a feverish state; he’d hug you from behind, a low purr of what’cha up to? whispered right into your ear. then you’d jolt, and he’d giggle sheepishly, satisfied with the reaction.

but now, all he can do is cough. still leaning against you, gripping onto your midriff a little more desperately than usual. you step away from the stove, turning around, making sure your hands never leave his. looking up at him with concern in your eyes, noticing his little frown.

”c’mon, you need to lie down.” you reach for his cheek, cupping it in your palm, and he practically melts into it. enjoying the chilly sensation to his fever-ridden skin. “the soup’ll be finished soon, okay?”

”… you made,” he tries, syllables falling from his lips haphazardly. ”soup —” a series of coughs. they cut him off, and the worry in your chest only deepens.

“don’t push yourself, okay? you’re really sick, dummy.” satoru pouts, but doesn’t say anything, only clinging to you tighter when you usher him away. “let’s go back to your room, alright?”

but he won’t budge. he’s so sleepy, so sick and delirious, putting all his body weight on you. you try your best not to stumble beneath it.

”honey,” you plead, holding him securely in your embrace. his arms around your waist, your hands on his shoulders. ”work with me, please? just gotta get you back to bed —”

”’s…” he whispers, suddenly, a raspy little thing. scratchy, meek, awfully earnest; you wonder if he’s too sick not to be. ”… too lonely without you.”

a moment passes. your breath hitches pitifully, at the base of your throat.

satoru is hugging you so tightly, as if you could disappear at any moment, slip away if he doesn’t keep you close. he’s holding you as if pleading for comfort, for a touch of safety. as if he needs you. if his meek little admission hadn’t already melted your heart the marrow, that thought certainly would’ve done the job.

taking a moment to collect yourself, you inhale, face surely aflame. satoru just nuzzles into your shoulder, too tired to say anything else, wanting to be close to you. it’s a wonder your knees don’t buckle.

gently, you let your hand trail upwards, palm smoothing down his hair. softly, like he’s a clingy, overgrown cat. ”sorry,” you start, just a little breathless. ”i’ll be with you, okay? won’t leave you alone. i promise.”

there’s an earnesty in your words that you doubt you could ever fake. satoru must hear it too, you think, because he finally begins to work with you. allowing you to stumble towards his bedroom, supporting his weight.

but once you make it to his bed, he still refuses to let go of you.

”toru, gotta go finish that soup. ’n make you some tea.” you rub his back, soothingly, as he nuzzles into the crook of your neck. shaking his head and emitting a throaty groan, only squeezing you tighter when you try to guide him under the covers. how cruel of him, to act so cute when said soup is most likely boiling over by the stove. ”please, sweetie? it won’t take long. i promise. you can go back to sleep.”

another groggy huff. you’re both still standing by the edge of the bed, and satoru still won’t let you leave. all you can do is sigh, smearing a little kiss against his neck.

he squirms, ever so slightly, and you get an idea.

so you keep pressing little kisses against his skin, knowing just how to make him melt. feeling him relax in your embrace, snuggle into your chest, so pliant that he lets you tuck him in — as long as your lips stay pressed against his jaw. before he can realize what’s happening, you grab hold of the blanket, draping it over him; his half-lidded eyes blinking up at you. you press a final kiss against his forehead, grabbing the cat plushie from the edge of the bed and placing it close enough for satoru to reach if need be.

”i’ll hurry, toru. be a good boy and stay here, alright?”

a teasing lilt sneaks into your voice, coaxed out by how adorable your boyfriend looks like this; baby blue eyes all droopy, snowy hair messy as it falls across the cushion he’s resting on. blinking sluggishly, grunting a little in response.

when you scurry off the bed and make your way towards the door, you glance back at him. he’s still looking in your direction, with half-lidded eyes, and your chest aches. ”i’ll be back soon, baby,” you try to soothe him. “try to sleep.”

this time, you hurry. body working almost on autopilot, images of your boyfriend still tugging at your heartstrings like he’s arranging an orchestra, moving your legs forward. before you know it, you’re walking back, carrying a tray with both your hands. steam wafts up from the hot soup and the warm cup of tea, shaking a little as you walk, a pair of painkillers in your pocket. just in case he needs more. an eager, pulsating joy rushes through your veins — now you can be with him, tend to him, not leave him alone in a room so like him you wish you could stay there forever.

your footsteps are light, almost careful as they cross the threshold. satoru stirs, waiting for you to come to his side, looking like a kicked puppy in his giant bed. he tries to lift himself up, but it looks like it requires an intense amount of focus, like his elbows could buckle any second.

”careful,” you croon, hurrying over, placing the tray on the nightstand. gently pushing him back down on the mattress. he complies almost instantly, too out of it to put up a real fight. staring at you, as if in awe.

to satoru, you appear almost as an angel, a somewhat blurry figure that he recognizes without looking. your very presence is soothing, like a lullaby in human form. with the hazy filter clouding his mind, he can’t even seem to form words correctly — all satoru can focus on is you. your movements, the lilt of your voice, a cold hand dulling the heat of his forehead.

his fever still hasn’t gone down. you try and muster a smile, but you’re sure it must look painfully coated in unease. crouching down, you place your elbows on the bed, your jaw meeting the mattress. you’re at eye level with him, now.

”hey,” you start, low and comforting. you don’t want to be too loud. ”sorry it took so long.”

using what little energy he has left, satoru crosses the distance between you, inching closer and closer. noticing it, you reach a hand out to cup his cheek — lips quick to find his forehead. a barely audible sigh leaves him, and you smile.

”d’you think you can eat?” you whisper, gazing at him fondly. treating him a little like a baby, maybe, but you can’t help it when he’s like this. quiet as a mouse. ”i made soup and tea… sound okay?”

he tries to make a noise. it comes out sounding like a strange blend between a dissatisfied groan and an affirming hum, but he still ends up nodding slightly. you wonder if indulging you is ingrained into his bone structure.

”… okay. think you can sit up, toru?”

once again, your boyfriend only hums — but he does begin to move, trying to hoist himself up, wobbling pitifully. you help, keeping him steady until his spine meets the headboard. slumped against it, he blinks slowly, feverishly.

”thank you.” you press a chaste kiss against his cheek, before reaching for the cup of tea, the scent of chamomile and lavender filling your senses. you blow on it softly. ”here. it should help with your throat, so try to drink a bit, okay? s’ got honey in it.”

silently, he accepts the cup, bringing it to his lips. when he takes a sip, you catch the slightest hint of a grimace on his lips; even with your warning of careful, it’s hot, you think he must have managed to burn his tongue.

satoru keeps his thoughts to himself, not wanting to worry you. but he can’t say bringing himself to drink it is an easy endeavor, with how sweaty it makes him feel, how it forces him to acknowledge how painfully dry his throat is. how he can’t even taste the herbs.

he wants to be good for you, though.

so he gulps it down, slowly, managing to sip almost all of it until you decide to give him a break. compared to this morning, he already feels just a little better, a little less like he’s in a fever dream. you’re sitting by the bedside, so patient, so caring. he can’t take his eyes off you, even now. clearing his throat, attempting to get used to speaking again. ”thanks.”

the mutter sounds strained, but slightly easier on the ears, easier to make out than before. courtesy of the honey, you assume. gosh, you hadn’t realized you’d begun to miss his voice so much.

”no problem,” you hum, reaching over to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. “think you can eat something? or is that too much?”

”’course,” he croaks. there’s a slight sense of liveliness in his eyes that wasn’t there before, but before he can continue, he’s caught off by a small coughing fit. harmless, but sufficient in making you worry.

”no need to force yourself,” you soothe, patting down his head, watching as he quiets down. the tea might’ve given him a temporary energy boost, but you still don’t want him to overdo it. “just relax, satoru.”

he hums, weakly, and you reward him with a light ruffle of his hair. then you direct your attention to the soup on the nightstand, still hot, smelling of vegetable broth and fresh chicken and coriander. you bring the bowl down to your lap, and take a spoonful of the soup, blowing on it like you did with the tea. bringing it towards his lips.

”i dunno if it’ll taste very good,” you admit, scratching absently at the back of your neck. ”but it should help with the fever, at least. i’d be happy if you could eat a bit.”

as his lips make contact with the metal of the spoon, satoru can’t help but let himself be swept away. he still feels a little too hazy, too feverish to really comprehend what’s happening; he feels oddly bare like this, vulnerable, a little afraid of what might come out of his mouth if he doesn’t keep it shut. so he opts to accept the treatment he’s receiving, not putting up a fight or making a fuss. not meeting your expectant eyes.

(he feels a little shy, being spoonfed by you. how very unlike him.)

the soup does feel soothing. he thinks he can even get a sense of the taste, how hard you must’ve worked on it. but more than anything, the way you’re acting is like balm to his soul — looking at him so kindly, treating him so tenderly. offering him spoon after spoon with gentle words of encouragement. being babied in such a way makes him feel so oddly content that he’s almost embarrassed. it should be the other way around.

yet here you are, spoonfeeding him soup that you made yourself, because he’s sick, even though he hates to admit it, and you care about him. he allows the information to linger in the back of his head, for a while, wallowing in the comfort it brings him. fully comprehending it would take too much of a toll on him, in this state.

satoru basks in the intimacy of the situation, and so do you. brushing strands of hair away when they stick to his skin, pressing your lips against his forehead to check his temperature. you keep doing it until satoru’s appetite dwindles.

”alright, that should be fine —” you glance down at the bowl, now roughly half-empty. more than enough, you think. ”uhh… how do you feel?”

”… better,” satoru answers, truthfully, the ghost of a smile on his glossy lips. ”thank you.”

for a second, you only stare, saying nothing. there’s something in satoru’s expression that catches you off guard, something that’s a little hard to identify. is it the way the light reflects off his skin, his pupils? the red, feverish flush of his skin? that flimsy little smile? or is it the honesty in his eyes, the way he’s looking at you like he’s trying to convey something he can’t put into words?

as you look at him, take him in, the boy you love so dearly, you can’t help but feel like he just carved open his chest — let you peek inside his ribcage. it’s hard not to feel flustered, in the presence of something so vulnerable.

and he’s thanking you. as if taking care of him is a great burden, a chore, something you’d demand gratitude for. you want to tell him that it’s the bare minimum, the very least of what he deserves. the very least of what you could, should do for him.

you want to tell him that he’s safe, here. that there’s no need to be the strongest, whatever the hell that means, that he can let go of the burdens you know he hides from you. that he can just be your sick, terribly stubborn boyfriend.

”… okay,” is all you breathe out, every other word getting stuck in the back of your throat. ”that’s good.”

satoru’s fingers curl around yours, suddenly, where they lay on your lap. his movements are still a little groggy, disoriented, as he brings your hand up to his lips. they’re warm and soft, especially so in light of his fever. he closes his eyes, white lashes catching the light of the sun, flitting in through the haphazardly closed blinds. your heartbeat stutters.

”… love you,” he mutters. a soft little thing. your eyes don’t leave his face. and your lips part before your brain can instruct them to.

”i love you too,” you blurt out, instantaneous. like you couldn’t bear to keep him waiting, even for a second. ”… satoru.”

he smiles against your skin. he always does, at the sound of those words. you make him feel so terribly, terribly weak, all the time, everyday. you make him feel so human, and he can’t bring himself to think of it as a bad thing anymore.

he’s still cradling your hand when he brings it down to the blanket. ”thanks for coming,” he continues, pushing himself. trying to get the words out while he still has the energy to say them. “you didn’t have to.”

they’re a little clumsy, a little stale on his tongue, but they’re honest. he is thankful — the prospect of being seen like this is discomforting, gruelingly so, but he doesn’t mind nearly as much if it’s you. he’d never tell you, but he did feel just a little lonely, when he woke up this morning. disoriented, enveloped by hot flashes of pain, in a way he’s not used to in the slightest. missing out on your date, too, that he had been looking forward to ever since you decided on a time.

but, as if sensing it, you came to his rescue. the feeling of your lips on his skin was the first sensation he felt, when he woke up for the second time — with you by his side, this time. his guardian angel, carrying the scent of spring with you. a memory of a certain boy, of better times.

(satoru thinks you’re nostalgia personified. he likes to imagine that you met as children, underneath a cherry tree somewhere, but he knows it’s not true. there’s no way he wouldn’t remember you.)

you smile. pleased, at his show of vulnerability, small as it may be. ”i wanted to,” you assure him. equally honest, equally full of double meanings and hidden messages that neither of you need to uncover to understand. ”… i care about you. of course i’d come.”

a light, raspy chuckle; that’s all satoru manages to vocalize. his mind is stuffed, and there’s an ache in his chest, longing to be filled. it’s been there for a while now. but somehow, you seem to fill it up, slowly but surely, almost effortlessly — with every sound you make, every slight movement, every flicker of an expression on your face. everything seems so effortlessly perfect, in his eyes.

the words leave his lips before his mind can think the thought to reel them back in.

”what did i do to deserve you…?”

you blink. a moment passes.

then your eyes soften, considerably so, crumbling at the corners like the cookies satoru loves so much. he’s looking at you, eyes soft in a similar sense, layered over with adoration. you think the love inside your chest might crawl out of your throat and eat him alive.

you give him a chuckle of your own, quivering slightly. terribly fond. this time, you’re the one who drags his hand up to meet your lips; kissing his knuckle softly. his breath hitches.

”i’m the one who should be saying that to you,” you grin, a little weakly. and you mean it. you don’t think you’ve ever meant anything more.

it’s so honest that it strikes a cord right down his heart, more heat than the fever can account for rushing to his cheeks. satoru hopes you don’t notice it. all he can do is squeeze your fingers, lightly, not trusting his voice not to break. silence lingers, and you only gaze at him softly.

”… do you want anything else?” you finally ask, with a tilt of your head. still so eager to assist, racking your brain to come up with anything else to do for him. ”i’ll get it for you, no matter what it is.”

and, truthfully, satoru thinks you’ve done more than enough. more than he could ever make up for. but he’s always been greedy, and there’s one thing, only one thing, one thing he can’t help but ask for. something he craves more than anything. he can’t help but indulge himself, indulge in his selfishness, in the need to feel your skin against his.

so he stretches his arms out, and looks at you with a distinctly needy glint in his eyes. his fingers move in a grabby motion, almost unconsciously, and he might’ve been embarrassed if he wasn’t still so feverish. all he wants is to keep you close, to make the hollowness inside his chest dissipate. you always make that lonely feeling go away.

needless to say, you heed his request. almost instantly, your heart pumping in a steady rhythm, with this visceral desire to keep him close, to protect him. and who are you to resist, when he’s asking you for it himself?

you waste no time crawling beneath the covers, situating yourself right next to your lover. only then do you finally, finally, reach your arms out to pull him close; so close you feel the heat of his skin, the beat of his heart. his cheek meets the softness of your chest, snuggling closer, and you card a hand through his soft locks. his arms reach around your midriff, a perfect puzzle piece, and he releases an audible sigh — deep and satisfied. in his tired, clingy state, he subconsciously throws a leg over yours, trapping you further.

you wouldn’t have it any other way.

finally, satoru can fall asleep. with the fever still clouding his senses, and your nimble fingers smoothing along his scalp, the occasional kiss to his head as he listens to your soft heartbeat, he’s drifted off before either of you know it. melting into you, into your warm embrace, cheek squished against your chest. tiny little breaths fall from his lips, and you feel like you’re cradling the whole world in your arms.

you’re relieved. making yourself comfortable on your back, with satoru sleeping soundly on top of you, hoping he’ll feel better when he wakes up. careful, even with your breathing, intent on letting him sleep. knowing he doesn’t get nearly as much rest as he should, most days.

before long, even you succumb to the cozy atmosphere, gradually dozing off. satoru is always warm, even more so now, and his weight is comforting.

stifling a yawn, you tug him a little bit closer, allowing your eyes to flutter shut. you could use a day of catching up on lost sleep, too.

when you wake up, you’re acutely aware of something poking your cheek.

it’s a ticklish sensation, sort of irritating, and it rouses you from your cozy slumber. disgruntled, so cruelly ripped away from your sweet dreams — satoru was in it, you think. you feel robbed.

still, you can’t be too mad. not when the real deal is right in front of you, eyes crinkled and full of warmth, a teasing smile on his lips. he’s still snuggled into your chest, all cozy and cute, as you lay on your back, propped up by a myriad of fluffy pillows. he looks up at you adoringly.

”well hello there,” he purrs, shooting a giddy little grin your way. still poking your cheek. ”wakey-wakey, sunshine!”

a series of blinks. you stir a little further, the sleepy haze of your brain beginning to slip off, slowly but surely. it takes a couple of seconds for you to remember why you’re here, what happened before you fell asleep.

”… hey,” you greet, at last, stifling a yawn and squeezing your eyes shut. stretching lazily, like a sleepy cat. ”how do you feel…?”

”i’m perfect. better than perfect, actually,” satoru chirps, a little cheeky, hoisting himself up so that he’s hovering above you. a hint of mischief in those pretty eyes. ”you’re a good nurse, y’know?”

you huff out a chuckle. as always, his actions reveal more than his words — you could tell he felt a lot better the moment you saw his smile, heard how he formed his words. “alright, that’s good,” you hum, exhaling softly. ”how long was i asleep? what time is it?”

”i woke up just now, too,” satoru lies, albeit a small one. he did wake up recently, only to spend what he thinks must’ve been at least fifteen minutes staring at you until he physically couldn’t take it anymore. he had to hear your voice, see your smile. it’s a personal record for him; usually he spends less time admiring your peaceful expression, far too eager to speak to you.

”it’s pretty late,” he continues, another small lie. pleased with himself. ”way too late for you to go back, actually. how about you spend the night?”

another blink, your eyelids heavy and droopy as they open and close. then you’re reaching for your phone on the nightstand, and checking the time. a smile is quick to bloom on your lips, teasing and bubbly, as you tilt your head to meet his gaze.

”it’s only four, satoru.”

”way, way too late,” he only reaffirms, flopping down on top of you again, keeping you from leaving. ”god knows what kinda creeps are out there at this hour — much too unsafe. i’m just looking out for you, baby.”

”of course,” you indulge him, a sly little roll of your eyes that makes him pout. ”you know i was planning on staying over anyway, right?”

”well, of course! i wouldn’t expect anything less from my favorite nurse.”

his eyes betray his words, gleaming with a sudden colour of excitement, all glitter and relief. a joy that clogs up his throat like seafoam, and spills out from his lips. you look down at him, for a second, unable to resist the temptation — reaching for his forehead with the back of your hand.

it’s significantly less scalding, now.

you let out a sigh, laced with relief, one you didn’t know you’d been holding in. ”it really has gone down,” you hum, stretching the sleep from your limbs again. “that’s good.”

satoru huffs. ”i said i was perfect, right? don’t you trust me, my sweet lover?”

”i never know with you,” you give him a huff of your own, exasperated. fond. “you said you were just fine this morning, too.”

”i was!” he whines. piling up lie after lie. “i totally could’ve made it to that date, you know. i got worse because you had no faith in my abilities.”

”right. of course.” you shoot him a lopsided grin. ”you just don’t wanna admit the fever beat your ass, huh?”

”see? no faith.” a chuckle slips from your lips, and satoru has to bite back a smile. ”unbelievable. i fought that fever off just for you, and here you are, laughing at me.”

”oh? i thought it was thanks to my top notch nursing skills?”

”well, that too! but it was mostly me.”

a sigh. “whatever you say.” then you’re smiling, once more, unable to help yourself. eyes crinkled at the edges, soft around the corners. ”i’m just glad you’re better. i was worried.”

satoru pouts, again, but you can tell he acknowledges it — your earnest concern. this is how you love, the both of you, through words that never say it all and actions that say the words your mouths can’t fit. decoding the meaning of it all in silent gestures, glints in your eyes. little truth games.

”you really thought a lil’ fever was gonna be enough to keep me down?” he shakes his head once, then twice. and you know that what he means to say is i never want you to worry. “c’mon, now, baby.”

another lighthearted roll of your eyes. ”yeah, yeah, yeah. my sincerest apologies, my strong, stubborn, totally-not-sick boyfriend.”

”don’t you mean your strong, perfect, beautiful, clever, flawless, totally-not-sick boyfriend?”

”don’t think i didn’t notice you sneaking the stubborn out of there.”

”hehe.”

a silent moment passes, something tender filling up the space between your words. satoru’s weight is still so comforting, like a big blanket, his arms enveloping you as he breathes in your scent. you’re so happy that he’s acting insufferable again.

”alright, my honeybee,” he suddenly chirps, breaking the silence, hoisting himself up. ”time to go. we can still get those crêpes if we hurry.”

you blink. once, then twice.

”… satoru.”

”yeah? what’s up?”

you give him an unimpressed look, gazing up at him, towering over you like he fully thought you’d be alright with letting him leave. ”you’re… not going out today,” you deadpan. “you know that, right?”

this time, he’s the one who blinks. once, then twice.

”huh? why not?”

”uh, because you’re sick, maybe?”

”what?” satoru pretends to be shocked, offended, as if he can’t believe you’d even suggest something so outrageous. ”i’m all better, though!”

you raise an eyebrow, thoroughly displeased. all better? ”your fever isn’t gone, satoru. it’s just not horrible anymore. you’ll get yourself even more sick if you go out now.”

”i won’t! seriously!” he insists, looking down at you with a sorry attempt at puppy dog eyes. ”i feel good enough to run a marathon!”

”you’re not doing that either,” you mutter. then a sigh, exasperated. you can’t let this charade go on for too long. ”come on, satoru — don’t be so stubborn. we can go there another time.”

”but —”

”besides, didn’t you say i have to spend the night because it’s too late to go outside? remember the creeps?” there’s amusement in your voice, a light smile on your lips. ”what if they get us?”

”well, they obviously won’t get you while i’m there,” he huffs. ”what, you don’t think i can protect you properly? you’re hurting me, angel.”

you bite back an incredulous laugh. god, he’s stubborn. you’re so in love with him you just barely restrain the urge to pull him in for a kiss.

”sa-to-ru,” you coo, dragging each syllable out, sending a shiver down his spine. ”we’re not going outside. end of discussion.”

”why not, though?” he continues to pout, still refusing to give in. resorting to cheap guilt-tripping. ”don’t you wanna go on a date with me? you don’t want to see me happy, is that it?”

you only sigh, thoroughly exasperated, reaching up to cup his cheek nonetheless. he nuzzles into it. ”you’re such a baby.”

”your baby.”

another sigh, to mask your adoration. at this rate, the back and forth will never end, so you scramble for solutions.

“can’t we just have our date here?” you suggest, after some contemplation. ”i bought some ice cream on my way here. we could watch a movie, or something. isn’t that enough?”

satoru’s eyes bore into yours. contemplative, as he lets the silence linger, gears turning inside his mind. he wants to go outside with you, wants to hold your hand and hear you hum happily as you bite into your crêpe; wants to steal a bite when you’re not looking.

but it is a tempting offer. you could eat ice cream, and binge a bunch of movies, and he could rest his head in your lap. coax you into playing with his hair.

(he’s maybe, just maybe, a little bit tired, too.)

so, finally, he sighs — softly. in resignation.

”… well, i guess that’s fine,” he pouts, allowing himself to fall back into your embrace. his voice is muffled, as he nuzzles into the crook of your neck. ”i wanted crêpes, though…”

”i’ll get you your crepes,” you assure him, relieved to have reached a compromise. ”i can go buy ’em myself and come back. then we —”

”no, no, no!” satoru suddenly interjects. whining, tugging you closer. ”you’re not going anywhere. not without me!”

a sigh, just as adoring as it is fatigued. ”then i’ll… order crêpes, or something. or we’ll eat ice cream today and then crêpes when you’re better. does that sound okay?”

satoru is silent, for a while.

”… okay,” he hums. ”that’s fine.”

”haah. okay, good —”

”however!”

you give him a look, a silent what now? that has him smiling. shuffling a little, in your embrace, planting his jaw on top of your chest and gazing up at you with a grin. ”instead of the crêpes, i want a kiss.”

you blink. exasperated, as an amused chuckle follows. ”so convoluted. you can just ask, you know?” you don’t give him time to answer, eager to appease the pouty man. ”whatever.”

leaning in, you press a chaste kiss to his cheek. sweet and soft. to your surprise, he’s still pouting when you pull away. ”i meant on the lips,” he explains, as if it was obvious.

a tilt of your head.

”… but you’re sick.”

”so?” satoru just pouts, expression practically etched into his face at this point. ”you won’t kiss me anymore? just cause i’ve got a tiny, miniscule fever?” he huffs, turning his head to the right and shutting his eyes. ”if you don’t love me anymore, you can just say that.”

another sigh leaves your lips. he’s so ridiculous. you can’t really deny him, though.

”… fine. it’s your fault if i get sick, though.”

in the blink of an eye, he’s perked right back up. wagging his non-existent tail, closing his eyes and waiting for you to try again. silly.

but you relent. his lips are only slightly warmer than usual, and you choose to see it as the good sign it is, proof that his fever truly is starting to dissipate. you feel satoru relax, melting into the kiss, but before it can drag out too long you’ve pulled away. ”— there. happy now?”

”for now,” he quips, equally teasing. he’s cute, though. a little kiss or two is a small price to pay for the spark of joy in his iris, even if it ends with you sick on your deathbed in a couple of days.

”that’ll do,” you grin, hoisting yourself up with your elbows, carrying satoru with you, his jaw still on your chest. ”wanna go eat some ice cream, mr unreasonable?”

you don’t really need an answer. of course satoru wants ice cream. you’ve never seen him turn down anything sweet — and, lo and behold, he perks up again, getting into a sitting position. like an excited puppy.

”got it,” you chuckle, stopping to think for a moment. “there’s soup left, too. but maybe you’d rather order something? it turned out kinda so-so.”

satoru gapes. ”you kidding? that was the best soup i’ve ever had!”

his exclamation makes you roll your eyes, words so coated in confidence that you almost want to believe him. ”satoru. you don’t have to lie.”

”i’m not!”

”you couldn’t even taste it.”

”i could, i could!” he stubbornly whines. ”i tasted all your love. every single drop!”

you give him a look. he only grins at you, a little teasing, a little giddy. you can’t help but feel a bit embarrassed; averting your gaze with a sharp scoff, trying to appear unbothered. ”yeah? and how did my love taste?”

satoru leans forward. it’s sudden, and you blink, instinctively leaning back in turn. he’s wearing a signature smirk when he stops moving, close enough that you feel his breath on your skin. hot.

”delicious,” he purrs, glancing down at your lips. blue eyes gleaming with mirth. ”best thing i’ve ever had.”

you know he’s just trying to fluster you, so you try to fight against it, but it doesn’t work nearly as well as you’d like — crumbling under his gaze, averting your own with a quiet huff. and he lets you off the hook, satisfied with your embarrassed expression. pulling back slightly, letting you breathe.

as swiftly as you can, you regain your composure. clearing your throat. ”well, you can have more of it later, then,” you make a move to get off the bed. ”let’s go eat ice cream.”

after being caged in by satoru for so long, your limbs are a little stiff, caught under the weight of his boundless love. when your feet hit the soft flooring, you stretch them out, watching satoru follow your lead. still clad in that sweaty shirt.

”you should probably get a change of clothes,” you suggest, exhaling as your muscles loosen up. ”you’ve been wearing that shirt all day.”

”oh? is that an excuse to see me out of it, sweetheart?” satoru grins, fresh mischief gleaming in his eyes. ”you know you can always just ask.”

you huff out a sardonic breath. ”yeah, yeah, whatever. throw on a hoodie or something, weirdo.” you stifle a giggle when he makes an offended noise behind you. “and some pants.”

”you don’t like the underwear?” he looks towards the corner of the room, studying himself in the mirror. “this is an expensive brand, you know?”

”you’re the only person on planet earth who’d give a fuck about underwear brands,” you scoff, a little snarky. ”just — put some comfortable clothes on, okay? i’ll go get the ice cream ready.”

”wait!” he exclaims, attaching himself to you, curling his arms around your bicep. “you’re not allowed to go anywhere without me, remember?”

“… okay, okay. hurry up and get changed, then.”

sitting back down on the bed, while satoru walks towards the closet, you scroll through your phone — refusing to meet his expectant stare. he wants you to look over, you’re well aware, just so he can tease you for trying to sneak a peek. but you’re not falling for it this time.

when he’s done, he’s wearing a comfy hoodie and some sweatpants. it’s a good look on him, casual and cozy. awfully cute. he wastes no time in attaching himself to you, again, an arm linked with yours as you travel to the kitchen; grabbing the pints of ice cream from the freezer, a couple snack bags from the drawers, before plopping down on the couch.

satoru maneuvers you into his lap, and you don’t put up a fight, leaning into him as your back meets his chest. he keeps you locked in place, arms around your waist, planting his jaw on the top of your head. and he relaxes, comforted by your smaller body pressed up against his. holding you so close satisfies a certain protective itch in his brain, never failing to calm him down. a safe haven, of sorts.

you watch the movie and eat the snacks, chattering away, letting the silence linger every now and then. after a while, satoru gets a slight headache, resting his head in your lap and whining for you to soothe him. you do so without any teasing; you’re much too soft for him. and he’s still sick, even if he’s doing better. you couldn’t resist him even if you tried.

so you opt to indulge him.

”baby, i think my fever’s going up again…” satoru pouts, gazing up at you through fluttering lashes. ”can you check?”

you smile, with a raise of your eyebrow. ”this is the fifth time you’ve asked me to check your temperature, toru.”

”just wanna make sure,” he whines. “please?”

with an exaggerated sigh, you lean down, lips once again meeting his forehead — humming against his skin. nope, his temperature hasn’t gone up. just like it hadn’t gone up the last time you checked, or the time before that.

”you’re good.”

”oh, thank god,” he exhales. ”are you sure? like, a hundred percent sure? maybe you should check again. just in case.”

”satoru,” you coo, a teasing lilt on the tip of your tongue. ”you can just ask me if you want a kiss.”

”a kiss? scandalous. i just wanna make sure my condition doesn’t worsen.”

he’s grinning, and you’re rolling your eyes, and both of you know damn well you’re going to indulge him anyway. he sighs in satisfaction when he feels your soft lips on his heated skin.

”hmm…” you narrow your eyes, thoughtfully, before looking down at him with a teasing smile. ”nope. definitely still the same temperature.”

”you sure?”

”a hundred percent.”

”hmm. okay, got it.” he rolls over, burying his face in your stomach. wrapping his limbs around your midriff. “that’s good. just wanted to check, you know?”

”of course.”

”might need you to check again soon. just to be safe,” he chirps, biting back a soft grin. you don’t bother hiding yours.

”got it, got it,” you coo, fingers carding through his messy hair. “anything for my sick baby.”

satoru releases a soft breath, bordering on a giggle. you can’t help but let your smile grow wider, heart brimming with affection. you let it clog up your chest until the movie’s almost over, and you simply can’t help yourself anymore.

”your room is very like you.”

it’s sudden, breaking the peaceful silence, making satoru stir. you’re both starting to get sleepy again. but he blinks up at you, studying your expression before parting his lips.

”… oh? how so?”

“well…” you stop to think. humming, absently fidgeting with a lock of your boyfriend’s hair. ”when i first walked in, i thought the whole house felt kind of empty, you know?”

satoru hums. unsure of where the conversation is going, maybe just a little intrigued. he mostly just likes listening to you talk.

”but then i went into your room, and — it just felt very you. kinda messy, and stuff, but cozy. and a little sentimental.” satoru looks up at you, admiring that certain soft glimmer in your eyes. you meet his stare with a smile. ”maybe it doesn’t make sense? i guess i’ve just been thinking about it.”

he closes his eyes.

there’s something soft in your tone, something silky and simple, and he can tell you’re being sincere. it’s something he likes about you — that willingness to be soft, almost pridefully so, to bare yourself even if you aren’t sure that he’ll return the favour. he likes to think it’s rubbing off on him, slowly but surely; he doesn’t think he’s quite as bad as before. telling you about things that are dear to him isn’t something that scares him, anymore. and even when you see him vulnerable, sick and delirious in bed, he isn’t afraid that you’ll use it against him.

you’re a comfort; his safe haven. a place to rest his weary head. maybe you always have been, even before he really got to know you.

”i like your place more,” he finally admits, lighthearted in its weight. your gaze flits down, but his is still lingering on the tv, not really paying attention to it. ”it feels very… you.”

a smile crawls up to rest against your lips. playing along, your hands finding solace in between his fluffy locks. ”how so?”

and satoru smiles. eyes sparkling with something mellow, like a soda pop cracked open on a boiling summer day. he shifts a little, just to gaze up at you again. ”it’s… homely. warm,” his smile only grows. “and awfully sentimental.”

he lifts a hand up, to touch your cheek. tender, as his thumb smooths against your skin. it’s warm, beneath his touch, heating up with every word he speaks. satoru’s love feels a little like the sun, when it spills out this fervently, like it could burn you into cinders — you think you’d be happy to lie in the ashes. he’s smiling at you, like sunshine, like little dusty specks of light. and he exhales.

”i wouldn’t mind staying there forever.”

the expression on his face is a lovely one. you take a moment to simply bask in it, desperate to etch it into your memory. you don’t think you could forget it even if you tried. how fondly the light of the room embraces him, that soft grin he’s shooting your way, only vaguely teasing. and his eyes, the gateways to his soul, so sincere you can’t look away.

you love this man with your whole chest. you knew before, you’ve known for a long time, but each day you fall in love all over again. it’s all you can think as you look at him, all snug and safe and happy in your lap.

you don’t realize you’ve been staring at him silently until he chuckles, pulling you out of your sentimental stupor. it only flusters you further.

”you’re cute,” satoru croons, still cradling your cheek. tender, soft fingertips against your heated skin. all you manage is a meek little furrow of your brows, but that only makes him chuckle again.

”… you can.”

he blinks. still smiling.

”stay forever, i mean.”

you can’t look at him, when you say it. the words are barely above a whisper, and you aren’t sure if they’re conscious or not. it’d be nice to say they just slipped out, but they feel somewhat deliberate, all the same. you know you mean them, either way. it’s the one thing you’re sure of.

this time, satoru is the one who can do nothing but stare, his expression unreadable. you try not to let your gaze wander to his face, his eyes; but through the peripheral of your vision, you feel like you catch a particular kind of sadness reflected in them. or maybe it’s something closer to yearning, longing. something like that.

”… well,” he finally hums, voice so low you barely pick up on it. ”maybe i will, then.”

you reach something.

you catch a glimpse of it, at least, for just a second or two. something warm and bare, something simple and incomprehensible at the same time. an emotion so strong it leaves you reeling, yet still so light. it’s there and then it isn’t, just out of reach, and you think that if you could only find the courage to curl your fingers around his, then —

a laugh track plays from the tv, snapping you both out of your thoughts.

(the moment passes before you can fully understand it, fully comprehend it. maybe some part of you already has.)

…

satoru chuckles, reaching for another ball of mochi and popping it into his mouth. ”this movie’s awful, huh?”

”yeah,” you’re quick to agree, maybe a little too quick. grinning weakly. ”it’s good in a so bad it’s good kinda way, though.”

he hums in absentminded agreement, still chewing on the soft treat. keeping his gaze steady on the screen, the flicker of emotional scenes he hasn’t been keeping track of, barely resisting the urge to look up at you again. but his heart already feels a little too mushy for his liking — he’s not sure he could take it.

satoru doesn’t get sick often.

his immune system is strong, there’s no denying that. but more than anything, he simply can’t afford to be sick. there are people who need him, people who depend on him, and the idea of being in such a defenseless state — stuck in bed while the world continues to spin, unattended — makes him feel so anxious he could throw up. even sleeping makes him feel a little skittish, sometimes, though he’s gotten a lot better since he started falling asleep with you in his arms.

it’s funny, he thinks. before you, being sick wasn’t something that really existed in his world. if he felt a little under the weather he would simply puff out his chest and down a painkiller or two, waving it off with a flick of his wrist; no biggie, really. he’s satoru gojo, after all, and the world needs his eyes on it.

but then you came along. you came to his rescue, spring in your pockets, and you took care of him, with what he knows to be love. genuine, earnest concern for his wellbeing. his happiness.

yeah — it’s funny, for sure. satoru never thought he’d ever enjoy being sick.

yet here he is, head in your lap, feeling you run your fingers through his hair. kissing his forehead whenever he whines, indulging his little convoluted ploys. bringing him soup, when he gets hungry again, soup you made yourself. he wasn’t kidding when he said he tasted your love through it; it was all he could taste, with his numbed out senses, all he could feel.

you’re so good to him. there’s nothing he would trade for these moments with you, absolutely nothing. he’s glad you came over, after all. glad you’re so stubborn, and oh so caring. satoru can’t help but smile, heart almost stuffed to the brim with gratitude — what could he possibly do with this immense love in his chest?

”i love you so much,” he blurts out, practically beaming. now you’re in his lap, again, and he takes the opportunity to smear openmouthed kisses against your neck. delighting in the little squeak you try to muffle.

”where did that come from?” you blink, squirming a little in his embrace. a movie is still playing on the tv screen, one better than the last — your attention was fixed on it before satoru broke the silence.

”just felt like saying it!” he only chirps, grinning ear to ear. ”i love you. you’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” he murmurs, earnestly, lips against your skin. ”my whole world.”

for a moment, you wonder if the fever is making him delirious. then again, this is pretty standard for satoru; always eager to fluster you, to shower you with love until you’re pushing him away. it’s overwhelming, but you’ve never minded. this is how you measure his love — little gaps between too much and never enough.

”… you’re not gonna say it back?” comes a whine, right by your ear. now he’s nibbling at your neck, little beast that he is, pouting because you let the silence linger for too long. he’s being such a baby about it. but you still rush to reassure him, echoing his words in earnest.

”i love you too, satoru,” you smile, slightly exasperated. craning your neck so that your lips can meet his jaw, and satoru grins, giddy at the attention. ”my whole universe.”

satoru lets out a happy little noise, almost a giggle, sleepy and pleased. his arms squeeze you just a little tighter, like you could never be close enough, even when he’s got you in his lap like this. if he could, he’d keep you there all the time. attached at the hip, close as can be.

even with a ruined date, even after worrying you, he feels well and truly satisfied. because you're here, and you’re watching a good movie, and you’re gonna stay over tonight. when it gets dark out, he’ll get to fall asleep cuddled up beside you, hold you in his arms and feel you nuzzle into his chest. then he’ll pepper your face with kisses to wake you up, and you’ll grumble all sweetly, and he’ll carry you to the kitchen despite your grumpy protests. you’ll eat breakfast together, chatting and enjoying the way the sunlight flickers around the room like a happy cat. maybe he can even make you breakfast himself, to thank you for today.

if the fever’s gone by then, you’ll probably let him outside. then you can go get those crêpes, and maybe go to a park, or to the movie theatre, or a fun arcade, before heading back to your apartment to relax. and then he’ll stay over. the day after, too. and the day after that.

living together with you wouldn’t be so bad, he thinks. it wouldn’t be bad at all, actually.

the thought has been on his mind for a while, now. getting to fall asleep with you every night, eat breakfast with you every morning, see more of your footprints in his life… satoru can’t think of anything he’d like more. maybe he’ll start hinting at it, slowly but surely. if he can lure you into broaching the subject, that would be ideal — but if he has to, he doesn’t mind doing it himself. you’re worth the emotional toll.

you curl into your boyfriend a little further, his jaw now resting cheekily on the top of your head, large palms underneath your shirt and rubbing circles into your bare skin. you have no idea what he’s thinking, no idea about his plans, and he thinks that’s for the best. he knows you’ll indulge him, at the end of the day.

maybe he’ll just ask you, tomorrow. if you say no, he can just blame it on the fever making him delirious.

#save me sick soft sweet sappy satoru….. save me……..#he means the wholeeee universe to me :’3 i love this specific toru sm !! i really do think he’s a lonely sweetie at heart :((#i wrote this fic a LONG time ago but i polished it a bunch so hopefully it doesnt feel rusty !!#i scrambled to come up w a title in time but i think this one kinda slaps idk … im severely sleepy rn so it might. Not be. though 😭😭#gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #jjk fluff #gojo fluff #jjk x you #jjk x reader #gojo satoru x y/n

2K notes · View notes

st4rrth0ughts · 2 months

Text

Ok I know I said I’m taking a break but I’m going to just dump this idea and expand on it soon, warnings below

Reader is aven’s bodyguard, mentions of dead body, death, a bit of a word vomit, and a sfw brainrot (I know, shocking, Im writing on the train anyways) probably ooc aven? Prodding at the hsr 2.1 leaks (if ykyk), I’m not in my computer so no more yellow text T-T

Aventurine peeking into your dreams through that phone in the Penacony dreamscape, only to see you, his precious bodyguard, always so stoic and unemotional, breathing hard, in the ‘real’ dreamscape, desperately yelling his name.

but the feelings of happiness, the feeling that he was important to someone, goes away the moment he sees you mortified, staring at his dead body. He wants to just jump into the dream, hold you and tell you it’s alright, seeing the look of panic, desperation and pure agony in your eyes makes his heart shatter. He would never make you cry, and he certainly wouldn’t want to in your own dream, where it’s supposed to be relaxing.

nothing much he can do about it when he stares at the dream playing out in shock, when your begging, begging for him to wake up, praying to the Amber Lord himself that this dammed nightmare would end soon, and that you would see him alive and well again.

Aventurine has never known how to receive from anyone. All his life, it was him giving, since childhood to his current age as Senior Manager of the IPC. The fact you, on a daily basis, already sacrifice so much for him, your time, freedom, even your own safety, bearing cuts, wounds while Aventurine remains perfectly unharmed was a foreign concept he still struggles to comprehend.

the fact that in a dream state, where your supposed to be happy, thinking about something else, no, even in your dream, it revolves around him. As much as he wanted to be smug and shit and be proud he was the main priority in your life, seeing you quietly sob as you hold the dead body of his doesn’t sit right with him. Never in 700 years. (See what I did there)

the dream ends, and the caller cuts off the call before he can even say anything. He walks aimlessly through Penacony, the dream replaying in his mind.

You crying. You holding him close. Of course, close contact wasn’t exactly unheard of between you two, you always did keep a eye on him, mostly during gambling sessions because of jealous competittors, he can’t count the number of times you pounced on someone for trying to attack him, but to be still cannot wrap his head around the fact that he was so important to you that he was quite literally on your mind even unconscious.

He hears footsteps, and your just right behind him. He always questions and teases you about how fast you can clear up your appearance after it gets disheveled, but he doesn’t say anything as he stares at your slightly trembling hands.

“Apologies for being late, sir. I was caught up in the dreamscape.”

Stop apologising, he wants to yell. You just had one of the most horrific nightmares in your life and your apologising for being late?! He grabs you and pulls you close. Sometimes he wishes he was taller so he could bury you in his chest and whisper sweet nothings in your ear, but feeling your chest in his face isn’t that bad either.

“I’m staying here. I won’t leave you, never did and never will.”

You run your hands through his hair. It’s not just the nightmare, it was the fact you were trying to find him, and overheard his plan to be a sacrifice to reveal The Family’s secrets to the universe. But you can’t tell him that for now, he’ll be sure to make changes so that you can’t interfere and be a self sacrificing idiot (as he puts it).

So you simply nod, thank the Amber Lord that you have those sunglasses that hide your bloodshot eyes as you let yourself be consumed by his lie of forever.

“Likewise, sir.”

#dom male reader #dom reader #dom gn reader #sub character #sub honkai star rail #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail #star rail aventurine #sub aventurine #hsr leaks #hsr spoilers #hsr aventurine #aventurine x reader

499 notes · View notes

strniohoeee · 6 months

Note

im literally obsessed with ur writings❤️ can u do one where reader has social anxiety and matt tells her to be at somewhere for a date(a crowded place)but he forget to go and reader gets a panic attack and then they argue but the end is fluffy

Stuffy

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader 💌

Synopsis: Matt plans a date with Y/N, but he forgets a few days later. When Y/N shows up at the restaurant, and it’s packed she started to suffocate 🖤

Warnings⚠️: Talks of a panic attack, and that’s about it

Song for the imagine: I can’t handle change- Roar

I hated how anxious I was around people who I didn’t know, or how my throat felt like it was closing when the place became too crowded. I always struggled with social anxiety, but as I got older, and went out less it became even worse

Before I dated Matt, and we were all friends they would try and get me to go to a party, but I never ever went. I simply could not. But once Matt and I got closer, and we started dating he paved the way for me to feel more comfortable.

I didn’t go to every event, but I did show up at a lot more places, and many people were proud of how much I’ve accomplished. I was proud of myself too, I mean had you told me a year ago I’d be going to parties, and actually talking to people I would have laughed in your face. But this is all thanks to Matt. He never made me do anything I didn’t want to, and if I was uncomfortable he was always there for me.

Right now I was getting dressed because Matt asked me out on a date about three days ago. He was laying in my bed while we were dozing off.

“Let’s go out Friday night, like 8pm. I have a meeting with Laura, but after that meet me at Garden’s Kitchen” he said while snuggled into me

“Yeah sure I’ll meet you there” I told him, and we fell asleep

So that’s what I was currently getting dressed for, and I was about to head out, and meet him downtown. I was very anxious to travel downtown alone, but I knew the Uber would drop me off in front of the restaurant, and all I had to do was walk in , and meet with Matt.

I got to the restaurant at about 10 after 8, because of traffic, so that already made me anxious. I hopped out of the car, and walked inside…..immediately my heart sank. It was fucking PACKED

My heart started to race, and my palms got sweaty. I started to look around, and my eyes landed on a big sign that said $2 margaritas every Friday.

I was fucking mortified this place was so packed I kept getting bumped into. I shimmied my way to a corner, and pulled out my phone to text Matt

“Hey baby I’m here! It’s packed. Did you get a seat?” I texted him

“Hey babe, where are you?” He asked me

“I’m all the way at the front by the entrance” I texted back

“Wait what? No I mean like where are you?” He asked again

“Oh. I’m at Gardens Kitchen for our date, remember?” I texted back

“A date? I’m sorry baby I don’t remember” he said

My heart started racing even more, and I thought I was about to pass out

“The date you asked me on ... .3 days ago?” I texted back

“I’m really sorry, but I don’t remember” he said

I tried to text him, but my messages weren’t going through, so I tried to call him, but my calls weren’t going through as well….one of us had bad service.

“Excuse me ma’am” I heard so I looked up

“Yes?” I asked

“Are you getting a table or not? Theres people waiting on you” she said rudely

I looked behind me, and a line had formed

“Oh no I’m sorry!” I said back in shock

“So then step off the line” the guy behind me said

“Oh I’m sorry” i said back

Then all of a sudden it just got so loud, and everyone was talking to me, and looking at me, and I swore my hearing was going out

I started to have a panic attack, my vision got blurry, my chest was heavy and I felt like I was going to die. Then all of a sudden the tears started streaming down my face

I ran out of the restaurant trying to ground myself, and with shaky fingers i ordered an Uber to go to the triplets house

It was about a 30 minute drive, my texts and calls still weren’t going through to Matt. I was trying to stay calm but I was so overstimulated I really thought I was going to die

I had gotten to the triplets house, using the pin pad to let myself in. I heard them laughing in the kitchen

I stomped up the stairs

“HOW COULD YOU” I said stomping towards the kitchen

“Baby! Baby! You’re okay” Matt said running up to me

“YOU DIDNT ANSWER ME. YOU LEFT ME THERE AT A BUSY PLACE KNOWING HOW I GET. I HAD PEOPLE YELLING AT ME, AND I HAD A PANIC ATTACK” I said raising my voice

“I didn’t do it on purpose I swear, my phone had no service” he said looking into my eyes

“Matt, you asked me out three days ago…how did you forget? And then you send me to a restaurant that serves $2 margaritas on a Friday night…. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE THERE” I said starting to shake feeling another panic attack beginning to start

“I KNOW, and I’m sorry okay I really didn’t remember. I would never do anything to hurt you” he said pulling me in and rubbing my back

“Matt I felt like I was going to die” I said sobbing into his chest

“Baby it’s okay! You’re here with me. You’re okay. Don’t worry I got you my love. Breathe in and out” he said to me

I was shaking and sobbing and I couldn’t catch my breath

“Can you hear me? Can you hear my voice? Breathe in and out okay here give me your hands” he grabbed my hands and put them on his face

“You can feel me, you feel my jaw, and my nose, you can feel me talking when I put your hands here” he said as he placed my hands on his chest

“Look at me okay look at me” he said, and finally I opened my eyes while I was taking deep shallow breaths

“Look at my eyes, what color are they?” He asked me

“Bl- they’re blue” I said in broken sobs

“And my hair what color is my hair” he said bringing my hands to his hair

“It’s brown” I said taking deeper breaths

“My lips, how do they feel” he said rubbing my finger on his lips

“They feel soft” I said

He placed his hand on my heart

“Breathe in….and out. I got you! You’re okay follow me” he said and started to breathe in and out

I followed his orders, and slowly my heart rate started to go down

“Okay good, very good. You’re okay y/n I’m here with you” he said still having his hand on my heart

“I’m sorry Matt” I said pulling him in for a hug

“This is not your fault. This is all my fault. I sent my baby out to a place, and I wasn’t even there, and I let her down. I let her have a panic attack” he said placing his hand on the back of my head kissing the top of my head

“No Matt you forgot. I should have reminded you” I told him pulling away

“Don’t worry about it baby , okay. This will never ever happen ever again. I will never do some stupid shit like that again” he said walking me over to the kitchen table

Nick handed me water, and Chris gave me my comfort pillow that I had for when I would have a panic attack

“Are you okay?” Nick asked looking at me

“Yes I’m okay” I said nodding my head and taking a sip of water

“I love you so much y/n, and know that I would never do anything to hurt you” he said rubbing my cheek with the back of his hand

“I know Matt. I love you too” I said weakly as I gave in to his touch

That night Matt and I stood attached at the hip, and we ate pizza and watched movies, and honestly I forgot about my panic attacks. Nick and Chris also came in for a bit making sure I was okay and giving me hugs.

I loved Matt so much.

The End

I hope you guys liked this one, and whoever requested lmk how you liked it 🖤💋

-J💅🏽

A/N: I’m 21🧎🏽‍♀️

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets imagines #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo fanfic

145 notes · View notes

wraithsoutlaws · 6 months

Text

i know it's just the Depression(TM) but i feel so forgettable lately and like i just can't do anything Good and certainly not something i'm really Proud of and i so rarely have motivation to do ANYTHING at all and when I do i spend it completely mortified that it's gonna be total shit and i'll hate it and it will make me feel even worse about it all because i can't even make myself happy and its just a constant of

>don't do art. feel bad > do art. feel bad

it just sucks when your main creative outlet is tied to the problem and its extra stupid because I KNOW its just my dumb brain being literally dumb as shit but that doesn't stop that feeling you know. i was also thinking about those "end of year VP" templates and how like...i really haven't done much that really sticks out to me this year and that sucks too. i Know that "good" has no meaning here but no amount of self awareness makes it any better.

so what do i do if i can't do art or vp or write or work on this stupid puzzle that's taunting me all day long to feel better? i lay in bed and feel worse. its too cold and gross to be outside and touch the grass.

*this isn't me looking for back pats or whatever i just gotta vent sometimes just to get it out im fine i promise it is fleeting it will pass* *you know your fandom is poison when you're self-conscious about your own mental illness vent posts because someone might use it to talk shit about you

anyways akfdljksal i've been sitting for over a week trying to figure out what to do for dagger's birthday pics and it took me so long to kind of get an idea and now i keep not having the energy or motivation to do it and now its in 2 days and im gonna be so mad at myself if i don't just let myself enjoy it (he is very special to me. cringe-haters hate me). its just so hard to find the joy when you're whole world is in a fog.

#*trust falls into the fiery pits of hell*#<- didn't know that's how you spell fiery #anyway this is jsut your normal sadboy vent post nothing to see here #if i don't verbalize it it will fester into a fungus and i Will begin to rot

22 notes · View notes

nonsensemonkey · 2 months

Text

went to buy a few cigars for my hiro research. tell me why the employee comes in the humidor and overhears me saying to cris that i have a scene where hiro smokes a certain type of cigar so i may want to start there but im not entirely sure what im doing. and the guy asks if he can help and if i'm just trying to get into smoking. i get flustered because i know what im there for- i wanna tell him that it's just research but i get too embarassed to even say that much and them cris says WITH HIS HAND ON MY SHOULDER LIKE A PROUD DAD "she's a writer. she's doing research for a character that likes to smoke cigars and--"

MORTIFIED!!!!!!!!!!

I AM MORTIFIED!~!!!!!

7 notes · View notes

nuatthebeach · 1 year

Text

2022 Wrapped

Tagged by @corneliaavenue! You're a lovely thing <3

Oof, it's already 2023, isn't it? Oh, well.

Post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular)

it's gonna be 4 now lol.

persist and resist the temptation to ask you - this one is perhaps the most authentic, soul-pouring fic i've ever written. and the one i'm most proud of because of my growth in writing prose and pacing overall. there were many times i would huddle with a blanket in a dark room (💀) simply because of how much i was feeling in the moment. it was the most visceral experience i've had writing so far.

like passing notes in secrecy - i would say that when i finished persist, i was in this writing craze/high in that i simply wanted to write anything since i finally felt like i was on a roll, but that wouldn't do this fic - and my work - justice. because persist was so angsty, i desperately needed to write something that was light and fluffy in consequence for my own sake. i'm very happy about the banter and humor i was able to apply to this OTP; it was pure serotonin, and i hope it was the same for others.

Midnight - my first hinny smut!! aka i took my headcanon of switch!hinny and really ran with it. though i no longer have the same exact headcanon about the two of them, i'm still really proud of how steamy this turned out. and i have a feeling all the private bookmarkers do too 👀

you knew that i'm a mastermind, and now you're mine - man, the sheer power tswift holds on all fic writers everywhere. the aim was to use this song ("mastermind") in irony to show how the wizarding world perceives ginny relative to her relationship with harry. and because ginny is such a force of nature, she and the press manage to come to a certain albeit amusing level of agreement (a true mastermind har dee har). it's a bamf character moment for her, and she owned every second of it.

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year

you reminded me to open up my google docs for the first time in a month! phewww.

premed hinny!rivals to lovers fic - snippet here. my final fuck you (and extremely reluctant thank you) to undergrad in the form of my OTP. fic is fully outlined and ready to be written if only i could give it the time of day 😭. but now that i have a lot of time opened up for me in the next several months, i'll finally get to it! fingers crossed

anniversary hinny smut - hinny roleplays as strangers in a bar, and let's just say we'll stick the art of acting to the shitty movies. a whole ass page written so far, so i take that as a win!

a somewhat angst, somewhat crack fic... i uh... have the most written for this wip so far of all my wips and im both proud and mortified by that. let's just say it's a story of how hinny finds themselves back to each other postwar... and the path is not exactly a straight route. playlist is a wip as well.

another crack fic because apparently that's all @takearisk-ao3 and me are on... though it's more accurate to say i helped to brainstorm and Hannah, the brilliant Executioner. to quote Hannah's post... "no comment."

im adding a fifth one because why not. hinny!vampire au. though there's only been half a page written for it so far, and hence a lot of white space, im so, so ready for the tools of creativity to lead me to more crackheadery that ive yet to discover. (like i needed more to start with.)

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year

i think my writing comes off a bit "cleaner" now? there's more of a coherent plot, resolution to my fics than most of the simple "slices of life" that i wrote more of last year.

i'd like to think the dialogue comes off more natural now too. im finally getting the hang of doing more "showing" than telling and implementing symbolism and metaphors when trying to display a broader theme/concept.

im able to sit with fics and be at ease with the fact that im not going to have the right answer immediately. that i have to wait before i can post to make it better. i started prioritizing quality over mass production - and while this is still something i struggle with a lot of the times - i feel like this is a bit of a step up from last year. and most importantly, i learned that rewrites - not just editing - may be necessary too, and that is okay. that does not make me a bad writer but (hopefully) a thoughtful one.

your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year

to not constantly compare myself to other people's writing. focus on how i can improve myself without being intimidated by all the works of the many amazing writers in the fandom. to finally put words on the page fearlessly and authentically, like i felt i did with persist.

to take more risks. keep putting my characters in uncomfortable situations and testing out how they can grow from them. to not feel limited in my writing just because in my young age i havent experienced them. to push my boundaries more. (i thank @fairsquare16 @takearisk-ao3 and @narukoibito for encouraging this and the first goal every single time i feel even the slightest bit down about it; they're also the reason im still entertaining all these crackfics so put the blame on them when they eventually come out)

and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year

my fucking answer to this changes every two seconds...not for any other reason except that it's my biggest conspiracy theory that i have early, early onset dementia and can't for the life of me remember. here's one for now:

Like the story, the moral is just as simple: love unconditionally, act irrevocably. One shouldn't fear wearing their heart on their sleeve if the alternative is to never plant, water, and bathe it with the light of day.

After all, what are mistakes if not signs to grow?

Tagging

@narukoibito @heartstopping-waves @ashotofogdensoldfirewhiskey and whoever else would like to do it (i truly mean that)!

#2022 wrapped #nu's writing tag #hinny fanfic #harry x ginny

30 notes · View notes

tadpal · 2 months

Note

Walks in late with a coffee. Hello Tad!!! 20, 30 & 38 for those questions. And another 24, because it's important to reflect on that!

HI KIEREN!!! blessed with rare kieren sighting

20. favourite things about the night?

i think there's something about the way it feels transient and in preparation for other things? like it lacks the solidity of the day time to me and this brings the best part of nighttimes (late conversations, clubs and parties and events, staying up to finish projects and start new ones) there's something about how things feel less serious and permanent. obviously also there's the stars!! love the stars! at home again so you can actually see them!

30. what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

my brothers!! genuinely moving back home was so strange and a little like. mortifying after how much i did to Move Out but hanging out with my little brothers is like heaven sent, like genuinely there's nothing like it. the coolest guys i know.

24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

another one!! probably rn it's that i am pulling back from the people i hang out with irl in my hometown. like seriously i DO NOT need to spend time with people who )had to be asked by teachers to Put Up With Me Bc We'll Graduate Soon And You Don't DISLIKE Them )only invite me on trips the night before so i would be less likely to be able to afford it/go )and so on and so on. and it stresses me out because the idea of being Friendless is such a deep insecurity and point of fear! makes me feel so vulnerable! but im doing it! getting back into hobbies and filling the time and doing things alone in public even when that makes me feel like a Capital L Loser bc like. sometimes people don't suck generally but suck towards you and that sucks but isn't insurmountable. in general actually im feeling very solid and less constantly knocked about and ruled by my high emotions than i used to be and that is also a point of pride! yeah!!!

#kieren #ask tad

4 notes · View notes

dreemurr-skelememer · 1 year

Note

are u ever gonna show us ur minecraft fic Kia

SHUT YP. SHUT U

youll never see it. mostly because the focus of it was The Abusive Butter Man in MCYT ( 😬 ) and there was a lot going on that i wish to fix.

i want to repurpose it to an oc story that i want to keep for myself tho lol. the story matters to me a lot actually i already have drafts of rewrites cuz its fun

im also actually incredibly proud of most of it. it was a mess because it was written by a neurodivergent 6th grader but what a FEAT of 50 chapters, one chapter a day, for that 6th grader

also the amount of mild jokes but unexplainable amounts of angst i put in there is still in my work to this day. if you read it you can totally tell "oh yeah kia wrote this for sure"

it had a self-insert! (well self-insert turned oc now lol) and that's one of the reasons i dont exactly want to share it explicitly.

not because it was a self-insert (i dont have problems with them! im a proud self insert enjoyer) but because my writing was So Bad dawg that im embarrassed. it mortifies me. (also there were OCs in there from people i dont talk to anymore!)

i have many feelings about my fic and i ended up rambling about it because it shaped a lot of who i am now. also it's what i focused on JUST before i found undertale!

#if you wanna look for it it was actually decently popular in wattpad 🙄🙄🙄#hint: it was about team crafted. GOOD LUCK SOLDIER #also: a lot of old silly art is actually in the depths of my tumblr blog. its in here somewhere #also if you knew me at any point in my flipnote/sudomemo/deviantart/anywhere around 2014 you know the fic #i still follow some of my ancient mutuals on here that knew me then and know that fic #DANI IDK IF YOU SEE THIS HIIIIIIII ILY 🫶 ANCIENT MUTUALS FOREVER ❤️❤️❤️#ANYWAY. i have a lot of words about this aheehee. id be really flattered if i get asks about my ocs tbh #Anonymous #OH ALSO. i made a steve (minecraft) x reader at some point. that was also popular? and sometimes still gets views and reads???????#i cancelled it tho LMAO

12 notes · View notes

brunetteaura · 6 months

Note

63 / 52 / 54 / 42 !! Love u eternally 🫶👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

well hello my treasure its been a long time (we havent spoken for 5 minutes) i adore you btw

63. what are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?

ive grown to stop feeding into the idea that girls should never make the move when it comes to relationships with guys. if something bothers you/you want to talk about your feelings etc just fucking speak up!!!!! life is so short. genuinely too short for us to put ourselves in a box and expect the other person to know whats on our minds. another thing which is within the context but can be applied to a relationship with anyone, is the fear and inability to ask for help. sometimes we as girls think we're gonna appear weak if we do so bc the society has already been making us feel like we are inherently inferior but god i wish we were more brave sometimes. i say we because im guilty of this too. the third thing that crossed my mind rn is how some girls put other girls down as if to validate themselves. i know its a thing to call yourself a hater on the internet and be quirky about it but lately ive genuinely had enough of it like why do you feel the need to shit on a girl's taste on anything. its already hard enough being one in this world and as much as i love gossip and joking around abt these things i think its a very slippery slope and it can get messy bc there needs to be room for girls of all kinds. this one is all over the place but it makes sense to me <3

52. name one thing that terrifies you

being held hostage. mentally and physically im mortified even thinking about me not being able to get out of the hole i could be put into. im scared of not being able to overcome things id have to deal with at some point and i always believe i will but this actually does cross my mind from time to time

54. what would you tell your 12 year old self?

that its not gonna be easy and that life will be funny sometimes and youll want to kill yourself but youll come out strong. please dont ever underestimate yourself and the power that you hold. i love you so much and youre gonna be so proud of yourself in 10 years. this is only the beginning and i do it for you.

42. favorite place to shop at?

ive loved urban outfitters since i was a teenager but they dont have it in madrid!!!!!! this is the worst thing that can happen to a girl

#ask

2 notes · View notes

soona-kit · 1 year

Text

every so often ill look on the msm yt community post with my deedge art and ill just. look through the comments and giggle. some of my findings are, but are not limited to:

-a few people saying "this kinda looks like cropped r34 iunno mannne" (it isnt)

-a LOT of people asking "why he got a big chest though" or "yoo mommy milkers.." (that was supposed to be the chin that deedge has in game. i just drew it a lot bigger/fluffier to make it fit more into my style but hey. to each their own)

-one of the top comments being "this really puts the COLD in the cold island boss" (extremely true)

-actually theres just a whole bunch of people asking why deedge had a big chest jts probably like half the comments at this point (ITS THE CHINNN ITS THE CHINNN RAHHHH)

-a comment that says "this is the worst fanart i have ever seen" with a reply saying "not that you could do any better" (theyre probably right)

-comments that dont even relate to the topic at all (why are you here)

i'm not sure whether i should feel proud or mortified 💀💀

also some related to twitter:

-the usual comments with shard->gem conversion, facebook issues, and that guy that requests things that are not getting in game

-a lot of people asking "why does it say sensetive content?"; for those of you keyed in to my twitter activity (probably like 3 of you now that i think about it) all my media posts past the congle drawing got flagged as sensetive because... uh i have no clue actually. i was fucking around in the settings a little bit and i mightve messed up big time so. lol. im taking a break from twitter for a bit anyway, just for mental reasons (twitter is toxic asf), and all the sudden attention on my account, but also to see how long this issue takes to get fixed. so yeah.

reddit has not that many, its all just people congratulating me. all 3 platforms it was put on adjacent to the monsterpiece shoutout (i put it on the msm subreddit BECAUSE of that shoutout) have that comment in common. i just kinda wanted to put spotlights on the yt comments first and foremost because i thought they were funny. so lmaoooo

and the thing is, im not even mad. people are just like that. the funny thing is, the last time i drew deedge (see the old art dump post) the fluff part actually looked like a chin. but you know, we change, we grow (maybe.)

but im glad i got featured anyways, because that means more people can see my art, wnether it be new followers (which is a total of 4 since i last checked in to my twitter) or just a blow up of that one post. it makes me happy to see that the game i love and appreciate... loves and appreciates me back! it truly warms my heart.

anyways thats it i guess. have a nice day. make sure to not objectify your local deedge /hj

#cleaner's ramblings #i am NOT tagging this with msm its for my dignity /j

4 notes · View notes

chronicowboy · 1 year

Text

2022 writing review

so its 2023, so what? better to review a year with a little bit of distance methinks

tagged by @kitkatpancakestack hope ur 2023 is going well so far muah <3

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 42 oh lord

2. Word count posted for the year: 297,700 (mortifying)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: 9-1-1

4. Pairings: buck/eddie

5. Story with the most:

kudos: please? (can't say no) 1,220 kudos

bookmarks: the persistence of memory 386 bookmarks

comment threads: the persistence of memory 119 threads

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): ooooof i was gonna say the persistence of memory just because of the sheer word count and that i love the story but im actually really proud of my gilmore girls au all you have to do is call my name (i'll be there) because i wrote 40k words in under a week and for once i wasn't wondering about if people would read it i wrote it for me (and my beloved elke) honourable mentions to 1001 reasons to not get drunk with your sister's boyfriend and any of my ravi pov fics because they're silly but i love them all the same and my amnesia collection

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): hmmm probably we don't go through the glass doors because it was half-formed but i still posted it, i basically just saw that gif of peeta pressing his forehead against the forcefield for katniss in the jabberjay scene and i was like but what if it was buddie and yeah i just do not know why i posted it ig

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: any comments i've had saying that i should be a writer for the show makes me want to scream such as "this is soooooooooooo good!!!! its so perfectly and wonderfully devastating and heartbreaking and emotional and warm and soft. you write the firefam's dialogue SOOO WELL! they should add you as a staff writer tbh. ❤❤❤❤❤❤" on (tpom surefire way to make me happy is to compliment my dialogue and the 118 dynamics)

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: at the moment tbh i have so much uni work to do and an original piece of fiction im 200+ pages into and i'm trying to do all of that at once so the fic has fallen to the wayside a little

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: god this is really difficult and it definitely doesn't help that i can barely remember anything about my fics but um i guess character-wise its a surprise whenever i write taykay as an actual character rather than just a mention through gritted teeth lol but um scene-wise maybe just my whole albert pov fic what are you doing home? we thought you were babysitting just because its not something i'd normally write (eddie is only mentioned how uncharacteristic of me!!)

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing: oh god um i am so proud of lots of bits to my writing so i'm going to try to limit myself

just all of my surrealism weaved into 9-1-1, what's your fantasy? to kind of hint that buck's dreaming

the realisation scene in flatpack furniture and a djungelskog

"It'll be pretty cool, right?" Eddie's talking, but Buck can barely hear it over the static ringing in his ears. "To look at it and know that we made it together—"

You don't find it, son, you make it.

Its nothing special. Its nothing out of the ordinary.

There's nobody in this world I trust more with my son than you.

There's an Alan key sitting in his open palm, ever so slightly warmed by Eddie's hand.

I know you did.

Its nothing special. Its nothing out of the ordinary.

You two have an adorable son.

Eddie passes him tools at work all the time without him asking. They've suffered the telepathy jokes a million times.

Shouldn't it be when you're at your worst, they're at their worst, you have every reason to give up and you still decide you want to try again.

this scene from the only try day is wednesday because i originally hated this fic until i reread this moment

The picture catches the flames, curling up at the bottom corners, colours melting away and consuming Eddie and Christopher whole before finally, finally taking Buck too.

Because that's the thing. If Eddie is in there, if he's— Then that's what's going to happen. The fire takes Eddie first. Then, Christopher. Christopher who loses two parents and gets stuck with a Buck, a Buck he'll grow to resent because Buck's the reason Eddie was here in the first place, because Buck didn't save Eddie. So, the fire will take Buck finally.

And it will take him violently. It will ravage him, turn him to ash and sift it through their fingers until he's nothing but a few chunks of burnt bone. It will take him, consume him, ruin him. And he'll be dead, in every way that counts. He's already dying now.

Buck refuses to let it happen.

He'll die. He'll die before Chris can resent him because that would finish him off. Losing Christopher, losing Christopher to hatred and loathing, that would kill him. And that death would be much more violent than any chaos fire could wreak.

this scene in memory (all alone in the moonlight)

"Eddie, can we not do this?" Sighing, Buck looks up at the ceiling. "I'm missing five years of my life. I feel like shit. I really don't need you coming in here acting all weird."

Eddie lets out a breath and takes a step forward.

"What do you need from me, Buck?"

And, fuck, that question really shouldn't bring tears to his eyes, but. But Buck's spent his whole life being the one asking that question and now he doesn't even know the person who knows him well enough to ask it.

"I need my best friend." He whispers.

Eddie's face crumbles and he crosses the space between them in three steps, settling onto the edge of the bed and pulling Buck into his chest. Buck clutches at his Henley as he tries to compose himself, but Eddie's hand settles heavy at the base of his skull.

"Hey, don't do that." Eddie murmurs. "Just let it go, Buck."

And so, Buck breaks—for the second time in as many days—in a relative stranger's arms.

Eventually, when the tears have subsided and Buck finds the energy to be embarrassed about dirtying Eddie Diaz's shirt with snot and tears, he sits back in his bed and scrubs at his face.

"Thanks." He rasps.

"You don't have to thank me for that, Buck." Eddie offers him a cup of water and a handful of tissues. "I know you don't remember it, but we promised to have each other's backs and I don't plan on breaking that anytime soon."

"Fuck." Buck wipes at his eyes with the tissues until Eddie pries it from his hand and takes over for him, soft and gentle enough to have the tears springing to life all over again. "I really want to hate you." Eddie laughs.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: honestly just sheer volume of writing, for most of my writing life i was always so perfectionist and adamant that i couldn't move on until this one project was polished and perfect but this year i've written and written and written and let myself abandon projects and have rough first drafts yknow

13. How do you hope to grow next year: hmm idk really maybe just write even more and branch out a little in what i'm writing

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc): @danielsousa my love, my heart, my rock!!!!! honestly probably wouldn't have written half as much if it weren't for elke cheering me on for the gilmore girls au and sending me screenshots of my writing that made her want to kill me

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: oh much i'm sure, i put myself into everything i write intentionally or not just because its such a personal thing for me but um in persistence of memory all the timeloop media references and agents of shield as i have always been reference specifically

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: read and write! nothing is ever going to help you as much as that. read fics yes, but read books and poetry anthologies and non-fiction! and write! write fic, write shitty poetry in your notes app, write short fiction, start a book. in the wise words of shia la boeuf JUST DO IT

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: ohhh okay so i have plans for two very big buddie aus an agents of shield au where fitzsimmons are technically henchim but buddie gets their romantic scenes, and then a national treasure au because i am a SUCKER for those films and chimney as riley is something that can be soooo personal

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: ummm just anyone who wants to do this?? feel free to say i tagged you because my brain isn't working!!

#sami rambles #this is long sorry #but it was really fun #and definitely not a way for me to ignore all that aforementioned uni work #tag game #long post

5 notes · View notes

flustersluts · 2 years

Note

im really proud of u for that second last post bc i'm (trying to be) the same in terms of upfrontedness/stating out boundaries so explicitly like that. both because i have problems with setting boundaries and also i think my actions sometimes confuse people because of my social anxiety and introversion

i'm also a pretty socially anxious person and i would be embarrassed if i accidentally said or did something that didn't come across socially acceptable because (and i don't know if this is the same for you) i would feel mortified that my "mask" of not being socially anxious (being """normal""") came off in that moment. like oh no i'm exposed. but when i explicitly say something to reference or explain my anxiety (or social exhaustion due to introversion, etc), it's not like i was trying to put up a mask? so if they react weirdly that's on them. i told them who i am if they don't like it that's their problem

it's really freeing to realize you don't have to pretend to be able to interact socially the same as most other people. like i can spell things out as clearly as i want and request other people to do the same. yeah it's awkward or not sexy to some people but to other people who are the same or to people who empathize, it's always gonna be neutral or a positive trait :) hope this made sense it's a longgggg ask

thank u!! yeah this definitely made sense and i really appreciate it, tbh i agree im kinda happy that i was up front:)) in fact i was out with the same friends yday (though not the guy who flirted with me) and i told the story of that night and they were basically saying i did the right thing. they also found it rlly funny tho whihc skskjks it kinda is

#but yeah thank u anon this is rlly sweet!!#flusterasks

5 notes · View notes

inkykeiji · 4 months

Note

Hiii I hope you had an amazing Christmas 💚♥💚

Idk if you remember me but im that anon who was mortified when my BF asked about condom's in front of his parents 😆

Anyway, he proposed on Christmas day and I wanted to share the news with my favorite writer (YOU 💋!!!)

It may sound weird but you and your work are partly responsible for the openness and security I have in my relationship with my fiance. I was really shy about trying or even talking about my kinks and fantasies so I would often turn to fics as a way to satisfy that curiosity. I was at a point of just breaking things off and being alone because I felt like I was holding him back from experiencing sexual liberation, but the things you talk/write about gave me the courage to talk to my partner and now im much more confident about that stuff and our relationship has only gotten stronger. As silly as it may seem, you really did kinda change the course of my life for the better😭♥

hi hi!!! thank you sm omg, i hope you did as well!! and i hope 2024 is kind and loving and so so beautiful toward you <33

i do remember you!!!!!! sorry it took me a moment to get around to answering this; my christmas holidays were sooo chaotic (but good!! just VERY busy haha) + then new years was insane and now i’m flippin sick ugh >.> but anYWAY i do remember u yes!!

WAAAAAAH THIS IS LITERALLY SUCH WONDERFUL NEWS AND SO EXCITING EEEEE oh my gosh congratulations anon!!!! <333 i am so happy for you!!! and i am so honoured that you wanted to share such exciting and special news with me!!! ah that warms my heart so so much <3

it doesn’t sound weird at all!! genuinely, i am so beyond happy and flattered to hear that me + my blog and my work could be of a lil help to you! that means a lot to me and i can’t tell you how much i appreciate you sharing this with me <333 it’s messages like these that add to the experience of sharing my work with others and make it all that much more important, rewarding, and worth it. i am so proud of you for being brave and honest and opening up with him!! that is awesome <3 i wish you both nothing but the absolute best in the future, in this exciting new chapter of your lives, in this new book you are starting together!!! always sending so much love and light your way, sweetpea ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)

#waaaaAAAAAH i am so happy for u!!!!!!!!!!#i love weddings!!!!!#this message made me tear up aaaah <3 you are lovely!!#inky.bb #clari gets mail

0 notes

mothymcdude · 9 months

Text

*deep inhale* i kinda wanna post some of the calico critters i experimentally modded in a manic state at 3 am but also theyre kinda bad and i feel like the doll modding community is gonna roast me so bad cus idk what im doing but i got a christmas kids craft kit and got2bglued hairspray and im gay and convinced i can do any craft by winging it but i wanna get feedback but also im embarrassed because showing people art im not proud of is a mortifying and humbling experience

#dolls #doll modding #calico critters #calico critter modding

1 note · View note

caralara · 2 years

Note

im sad tonight and i want to rant about it

so im in musical theater, and i had an audition tonight for a big part. i had prepared as much as i could, but the nerves got the best of me, and i forgot all the words to the song i was singing. it was mortifying and im sad about it.

unrelated to what you post about but just needed to get it out of my system (pun kind of intended)

xxxx

Hi lovely!

Come here, let me give you a big tight hug!

Oh man, that sucks really bad, I’m sorry this happened to you. I used to do a lot of musical Theater, and I very much know how high the nerves can be strung for auditions!

First I want to say that I’m so proud of you for preparing so well. And second I want to say, that this can happen to anyone. It’s always a combination of all your circumstances, and today they all came together for you to lose the battle against your nerves - next time it doesn’t have to be like that, because it’s going to be a different situation again!

Important is, that this doesn’t make you any less talented or less worthy or less loved. And that you get back on the horse! Failing is part of life, and it is okay to fail, it doesn’t make you less, I promise.

Another hug to you! Chin up xx

#anon #unrelated #<3

0 notes

Last Seen Blogs

juliettheraven

juliet

jase-is-ace

I enjoy things just like you

sapnapscherrykisses

|AZALEA|

shadydirt

A Blog

moringmark

Thank you blanchin' MoringMark bot