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0poole · 4 years

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I LOVE No Straight Roads

Honestly it’s hard to keep me away from a game with great visuals and even greater character design. I knew from the INSTANT I saw these characters that I was going to love it. I just finished it because it’s (unfortunately) pretty short, and even though I cheesed the final boss through it’s very lenient death mechanics (Instant respawn at the cost of a good rank) I actually appreciated that it wasn’t a pure cake walk. I’ve yet to rematch all of the bosses, but since I had genuine trouble with the later ones I’ll hold off on that.

But who cares about gameplay, am I right? I sure as hell don’t. I would’ve bought the game no matter what the hell it was. I wanted the characters (and the music, although I realized that second) and that was it.

First of all, I love any world that is super fantastical but cheesy in its concept, ala a city powered by music, and battles between artists using music. Ideas like this only spawn from a mind that wants to create a fun atmosphere, if nothing else, and it was sure as hell fun. I genuinely love when someone goes so far into a crazy idea and doesn’t waste your time explaining it with real world logic. Wanna know how a city can be powered by music? Shut up and look at the cute virtual mermaid. Lord knows I did. Every once in a while, it does you good to just let the player/reader/viewer just revel in the idea without having to go out of your way to make things seem realistic. It’s not about “turning your brain off” or whatever, it’s picking your battles.

Also, I can seriously love a world with great background characters to it. Any game with the right situation to insert the random nobodies you find onto the streets into the art in the credits really played into the greatness of the world’s less important characters, and that’s always a good thing. It’s technically world building. But, since I always love to pick favorites, I’d have to say my favorite background character is easily Mia, the NSR infodesk assistant. It’s funny, because you can literally search “nsr characters” into Google and she’s the third image result. I love how jumpy she is when you first interact with her, since NSR probably spread the word about B2J suggesting they’re rock thugs who’d beat up anyone, so for all she knows she could die right then and there with a guitar lodged in her skull. She’s probably just some intern trying to pay for college. She don’t want trouble.

Also, I just realized that 90% of the characters in this game have the same body structure that I always love, that being having arms/legs that sort of fan out in width into relatively large hands/feet. It’s a kind of limb structure I fall into so much because it just really hits me right for some reason. I really can’t explain why.

Anyways, I gotta talk about the big boys individually:

Mayday and Zuke are an amazing duo. I’m always a sucker for a cute and crazy girl, but honestly Zuke hit so many of the right notes too. I will say it’s weird to pair the martian Zuke with the humanly-skinned Mayday, but honestly it doesn’t even matter because he looks so cool on his own. I love his weird blocky blue dreadlocks, and his weirdly shaped shirt which bares his chest in the weirdest way... And, oh my god, Mayday’s weird Spongebob background flower eyes? It’s little tidbits like that that really make me jealous. How could I have ever thought of that? It looks so perfect, and I don’t know why. And her little booty jig she does in her idle animation? Adorable. I played as her as much as was reasonable not only because I’m a filthy button masher with little strategy but also because she’s so damn cute. I can also appreciate how she has a tough-as-nails persona while still keeping a semi-girly attitude, like with her falling for 1010 and Sayu. Characters are so much better when they’re a perfect blend of characteristics, instead of being all one-note, like how Zuke is the quiet one but gets heated against DK West, and all.

Honestly the voice acting for every character is great, but I love when Mayday’s VA’s accent shows through. It’s a perfect twang to accent (consider this the only acknowledgement of a pun in this post) her snarkiness.

DJ Subatomic Supernova was going to be an easy favorite since he’s all space-themed. Also, I don’t know why I always end up liking the egotistic characters. Not in the sense that I like their egotistic-ness, but in the sense that I like everything else about them and they just so happen to also be egotistic. The same applied with Empoleon (maybe like my 2nd favorite Pokemon) and Rarity from MLP, probably among others. Either way, I’ll never not love space themes. Not to mention he’s got a funky disco theme, and I’m slowly starting to realize that I am in extreme love with techno-funk styles of music. The instant I heard his music he cemented his place into my playlists.

As for design, I still have no idea what the fuck he is. Clearly AI is at human levels in this world, but if he’s a robot why does he still have hairy legs? But, if he’s a human, is that weird orb his head? Is it just some sort of puppet which he controls from inside his giant jacket? I know I dissed explaining things realistically but I actually want to know with this guy. Even the wiki doesn’t say. Either way, he’s clearly the logical extreme of “being at the center of your own universe.” Even his jacket depicts a solar system, with his hood being the sun. Didn’t see that until I tried to draw him. I really wish this guy wasn’t so tied to his DJ stand so I could reasonably draw him without it. I don’t want to draw his hairy ass legs. It is a great touch for his design though (although I prefer his beta look with pants and long boots, another design trait I tend to gravitate to) since DJs could reasonably not wear pants, since they’re always behind a table.

Sayu is my favorite. It’s so plainly obvious. It’s weird to say that sometimes, because some characters like Sayu are so clearly engineered to be as adorable as possible, to the point where they’re basically a parody of whatever they’re supposed to be emulating, but then they do that so well that they are still likable for what they’re trying to parody. Also, even though I’ve never looked into any vocaloid superstars myself, the fact that they exist and are loved in real life is absolutely perfect to be used as a character design in a world like this. It’s so weird conceptually, but we all know it’s normal and realistic. But yeah, she’s a giga-cutie whom I’ve already drawn and I’ve listened to her theme on loop on many different occasions. Favorite character, favorite track, favorite weapon of choice (What did I say about Empoleon?), which, and I wouldn’t have noticed this myself, looks like the USB symbol you see above USB ports on computers. How crazy perfect is that?

Even apart from my unbridled love for cute monster robot(?) girls, her boss fight is probably the 2nd greatest of them all, at least conceptually. She’s just a hologram, so you can’t touch her, but you CAN disconnect the artists which control her in order to defeat her. It’s the kind of concept for a boss fight that could only work for this type of character. I’m a sucker for the cute girl that provides her voice, but I love how the animator (video editor? the yellow one) actually attacks you with a mouse and lowers the brightness of the setting once he appears. Also, the mocap guy being the deeply-voiced type but still providing the adorable movements of her body. It’s such a great combo of characters, and their little extra art in the credits makes me like them even more. I just wish we could interact with them individually.

DK West was probably one of the most interesting characters visually, especially since I knew of every other NSR member long before the game came out, but I only just heard of him closer to the release. I wasn’t sure where he was placed, but I definitely assumed his gig was the weird shadow demon we saw in the trailers. When I finally saw him in game, I was shocked to hear him speak an entirely different language most of the time, which was really cool. Also, finding out he was tied to Zuke and wasn’t strictly an NSR artist really made him more interesting. You know, if his fucking shadow clone magic didn’t make him crazy cool enough. Even though I suck at his game and am not especially fond of his raps, the visual of him rapping with this giant monster behind him and dozens of weird shadow wingmen by his side hyping him up was probably one of the coolest in the entire game. The dark way they were hyping him up too gave such a bizarre atmosphere, especially since it parallels his seemingly chill and smiley demeanor.

I definitely hope they’ll introduce new bosses as DLC in the future, and make them sort of in the same vein as DK West, where they aren’t the biggest artists ever, but they want to pick a fight with B2J. I’d kill for any extra content this game can provide.

Yinu is obviously special since she was the subject of the demo they put out for the game. Even though I knew all her bells and whistles, she and her mom still beat me a few times in the full game. Considering she’s semi-tied to story-ish spoilers I kinda want to go more into her in a separate section. It is worth considering playing the game first since it’s not hard (with the easy going deaths) and it’s short length.

1010 seriously grew on me as I learned more about them and interacted with them. I got their shtick when I first looked at them, but after seeing that animation of them touring the city on Youtube I was kinda falling for them. Then, I learned that they’re apparently repurposed navy war robots? I mean, maybe not them specifically, but it seems to heavily point in that direction, with the warship cars and “attention!”s and all. It took me a bit to get into their music too, but once I actually fought them and put their actions to the music I fell in love with it. I swear, Neon J’s weird dancing can has some of the smoothest moves in all of gaming. I don’t know whether they mocapped out those movements or got one of the greatest animators ever, but it looks so impossibly clean his part of the song gets me like 30x more hype than it would normally.

Also, their little art piece of them looking at fan mail in the credits is probably one of the most adorable things ever. Even if they’re just Neon J’s puppets, that piece of art really makes it seem like they love every one of their fans. I’m not gonna lie, I might swoon a bit too if they picked me out and gave me some special attention.

Oh yeah, and the fact that Mayday was super sad in her showstopper against them was adorable and hilarious at the same time. The little tweaks they made to the showstopper for each fight were great.

Eve just has to be Lady Gaga, right? Like, an even crazier Lady Gaga. DJSS is Daft Punk (or any artist with a helmet persona, you know what I’m talking about), Sayu is Hatsune Miku, DK West is Kanye West, Yinu is a generic child protege, 1010 is a KPop boyband (just pick one) and Eve is Lady Gaga. That’s just how things are. But, again, this is the kind of boss fight that only this type of character could provide. It’s not just surreal imagery, it’s ARTISTIC surreal imagery. The fight is so mesmerizing in every way, especially by how it starts off so slow and calm and progresses to insanity, as well as the increased emotional investment in the fight making you feel so much more into it than just “That’s the boy band. Let’s fight.” Not only does it get you more invested, but it makes her artistic persona go deeper than just “she looks weird.” She is genuinely conflicted about her relationship with Zuke, and naturally that leads her to literally split him and Mayday apart. That mechanic specifically was the coolest, although I do wish they made it more obvious when you needed to switch over to a different side. I was getting pulverized by her fight too, since there were so many things to pay attention to. Her fight was definitely the best one.

Tatiana and Spoilers:

Let’s be real with ourselves, the twist was so obvious. I do also think, though, that obvious twists aren’t bad if they’re just good reveals. At some point, a person just has experienced so many stories that “only pretty good” twists are easy to spot. It doesn’t mean that the twists are bad, it just means you yourself experienced.

I feel like her transition from rock to EDM was pretty understandable, even as a non-musician. She was so caught up in what she assumed was popular that it basically consumed her. It’s easy as an artist to want to forgo what you truly want to make in favor of what makes you popular, and clearly since her transition to EDM made her the CEO of the biggest company in the city (world?) that probably made her think she truly needed to change her outlook. Then, when she saw B2J try to bring it back, she sort of coined them as being as misguided as she was and knocked them down a peg. Plus, they were kinda being jerks about it.

It’s kinda like the Trolls sequel, where everyone pegs rock music fanatics as being too stuck up in their own heads to appreciate other types of music, which honestly seems more like the case than the alternative. When I first heard of the story of the game, I was seriously hoping they did put an asterisk on B2J’s ambitions because they were a bit sketchy from the start.

That’s kinda where I want to talk about Yinu, because she was the true turning point in what they were doing. She’s literally 9 and yet she’s getting dragged into all this BS. When she said “I hate you all” at the end of her fight, and played a somber tune on her broken piano after the fight destroyed it, you kinda got a kick in the face to realize you’re kinda being an asshole to some of them. Sure, they fight back, but they wouldn’t fight in the first place if they didn’t have to. They are just people who play music under a joint name that B2J just so happened to get in hot water with.

Then, of course, there’s Kliff, who also reeked of surprise villain, and who’s basically the embodiment of the bad side of B2J, where he just wanted to destroy for his own sake and not for the actual greater good. Once B2J realized their mistake, they backed off, but Kliff was so hard pressed to do what he planned on in the first place he wouldn’t stop. I kinda wish he got a bigger fight to his own since he’s clearly a big enough tech genius to divert a whole satellite into one specific building. Maybe the Elliecopter chase bit was his thing, but I do kind of wish he was there to fight against them too.

Even though Tatiana did kind of reform a bit quick, It’s still not too crazy to assume she could see that B2J was just misguided and the fact that they worked to revert their wrongdoings for her sake would make a pretty strong impressions. They clearly can hold their own, so it’s not like she wouldn’t want them to join NSR too.

Oh yeah, and her boss fight was clock/time themed. If there’s a theme under space that I love, it’s clocks/time.

And If I am to be respected by the internet, I must provide a negative opinion to balance out my positive one. I will say that the character model physics (like Mayday’s braids, DK West’s vest thing, Neon J’s fluffy neck thing, etc) got kinda funky at times. Especially DK West’s vest, which was completely messed up for every scene he was in... Also, even though the voices are mostly great, some lines felt a bit off. Just a bit. That good enough? Good.

But yeah anyway that’s another favorite game to add to the pile. Eventually I’m gonna have to compile a true list of my all-time favorite games/movies because I do kind of want to have a solid idea of what my all-time favorites are.

#nsr #no straight roads #bunk bed junction #dj subatomic supernova #sayu #yinu #dk west #spoilers #1010 #eve #tatiana #rambling #review #poole #etc #opinions #rant

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musashi · 3 years

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sending u this ask as an opportunity for u to talk to me abt fi!! i love ur thoughts n words on things nd i don't send asks as much bc i don't have. good words to talk to u abt stuff but i rlly enjoy just. ur Passion nd stuff. autistic people r the best at talking abt stuff i stand by that we r just Epic. anyways if u wanna, i'd love to hear more about just... how fi sorta. changes, over the game? like the Little Things that show her starting 2 care abt link more, or becoming more "human"!

i love this whole ask. you’re right autistic folks r sexy as hell idk how the divine powers that be fit so much passion into my tiny body but i’m glad they made the attempt.

ANYWAYS FI. i don’t think i’ve ever actually laid this out because for the most part it is incredibly subtle and requires a lot of filling in gaps yourself, and i think that someone who cares less abt her can probably come away from it with an entirely different interpretation. fi’s development of actual feelings are a very sudden a mysterious thing, and i have a LOT of thoughts about them going in a lot of different directions so forgive me if this answer isn’t particularly linear or coherent. i’m not just gonna talk about her slow burn into feeling things, i’m also gonna talk about... why i think it happens.

we don’t get to learn a lot about sword spirits and how they come into being, other than it takes great power to enchant a sword with a spirit/temper a sword with one inside it. hylia obviously created fi and, presumably, demise created ghirahim, and they are pretty much as opposite as two people can be with their only real characteristic in common being precision, intelligence & otherworldly loyalty to their respective masters.

we thus don’t get to learn how much control the creator of a sword spirit has over what kind of spirit comes of it, if their personalities are organic to their experiences or crafted from the moment they awaken. what i mean by this is like... ghirahim could have been a cold, calculating AI like fi when he was first tempered and gained his dramatics over time, we have no idea how long he’s been alive in comparison to her, if his personality is so much more extroverted because he was allowed a life outside his blade whereas fi was isolated in hers for millennia. or if he just came into creation immediately ready to scream and stick his tongue in ppl’s ears.

i swear to god i’m going somewhere with this. ok. anyways.

fi in the beginning of skyward sword is, i think, how most people remember her--data-interested, icy, and detached. there is a reverence in how she addresses link from the start, even before he formally becomes her wielder, but beyond that she is calculating and precise and rarely wastes words. all of this kinda paints a picture of hylia creating fi, to me--breathing life into the spirit and willing her to be effective, be efficient, be loyal, and be sharp. when you have that image in your head, a lot of how fi operates makes sense--she wasn’t created to have emotions, because emotions get in the way of what her purpose is. hylia made a weapon and a servant, not a friend. it sucks to think about, but that is fi’s purpose.

the game is very careful, however, to show you it’s not that simple from the beginning. because hidden in Ice Queen Fi’s introduction is... a surprising amount of personality.

like this shit, where she straightup just dunks gaepora in the trash because his #Lore is out of date. it’s hysterical because you really do not know if she’s just a) an AI who doesn’t understand when she’s being kinda Rude or b) being snarky On Purpose. and that ambiguity in itself crafts this beautiful air of mystery where you, from the get go, don’t entirely know what to expect of fi all the time.

or this, which she says directly after link hesitates to accept the blade:

this scene, which people who have edgier takes on fi constantly use to paint her as intentionally manipulative, where all i see is... her using emotional validation to calm link down enough for him to take in what’s happening. a really important thing about fi is that she’s paradoxically an empath? she can read auras and detect emotion with extreme precision even if she’s incapable of feeling it herself in the beginning. so she knows everything link is experiencing here, understands that it’s holding him back, and takes care to deconstruct the whirlwind of emotion he’s collapsing under and explain to him why he can and should trust her words.

again this is all in her introductory scene. they write her very specifically to be a seemingly flat character with this... rumbling of something more going on under the surface. so much so that the first time you get to a sacred spring and fi, completely randomly, just starts skating across the water’s surface and speaking ancient poeticisms to you, you don’t question it. you’re not like hey, why is sword alexa doing a little dance? you just accept it as something fi is doing, because fi always feels like she’s at her job, and you don’t know how she acts outside of work, but you kinda feel like maybe you want to.

fi’s affinity for music is another way they insert humanity into an AI without making you think too hard about it. singing and dancing are inherently human, artforms are something we associate with the heart and soul. even teaching a robot to paint is, in itself, an art project crafted by a human hand. but you don’t really... consciously think about that, when you watch her do these things. you just kind of accept that she is this otherworldly thing guiding you. you don’t think about the contrast of this programmed assistant performing music alongside you in a sacred ritual. you’re just kind of like, yeah? i can’t JUST play nayru’s wisdom on my harp, i need someone who can sing and god put a vocaloid in my sword???

throughout the game, fi’s dialogue chains when you summon her don’t change in any meaningful way (besides based on what you’re carrying, where you are, etc) but as you near the end, there are a couple things of note. one that sticks out to me is what she says about one of the mid-game minibosses, who is also an artificial intelligence--

a lot of people laugh abt this line and make jokes about fi being hot for the tall handsome robot pirate and they’re valid. but the thing is, like, from the beginning of her mission, fi knew she’d essentially be dying once the world was saved. and early game fi has no hesitations about her part in things regardless, because, as we know, she wasn’t created to feel things like that. she wasn’t created to fear death, to grow attached to life or anyone in it, or to experience sorrow at the idea of saying goodbye. but this is mid-game fi, who still... never says anything she doesn’t deem entirely necessary, but she says this. for no discernible reason, she says this. it’s an unskippable dialogue option, one they WANT you to see and one that is different when you know where she ends up. admiration is already something you wouldn’t really expect of her, but it’s more than that--she’s longing for her own story to mirror it. by the sand sea, fi has started to realize she doesn’t want to go to sleep.

it’s another one of those moments where you’re kinda like, ‘haha, what, fi?' and then move on. another one of those moments where she kinda does something a little unexpected, but not so unexpected you question it too hard. fi excels at those.

before you go off to fight demise, fi stops you to warn you that it is the final battle, and you cannot return. and when you tell her you’re ready, she says this:

as i’ve said, fi doesn’t waste words. almost always, everything she says is for the purpose of efficiency, and rarely does she offer thoughts without fixed probabilities and ultimate endgoals in mind.

this is a sentiment.

it serves no purpose. it is purely an expression of devotion.

and because of EVERYTHING i’ve mentioned thus far, this line both hits you HARD as significant and foreboding in how suddenly tender it is, AND manages to read as in-character for her to say. because the way they write fi’s humanity is so beneath the surface, so easily missable, so hard for me to even lay out with concrete evidence despite the fact that i’m a person who reads a text dump of all her dialogue before bed every night.

but to me, what lays out fi’s inner workings best is actually her actual goodbye, and... not the moment most people would think, tbh? it’s not her tender farewell that speaks her emotions loudest to me, but the moment right before:

these lines, which would read as perfectly in character if it were early game fi, cut you. her complete and utter flippancy, the way she talks about all you’ve been through together as though it were nothing to her, the absolute coldness here after everything. you as a player feel kind of pathetic when she says this, like you were misguided in growing attached to her and thinking of her as a friend. and you KNOW thats the intended effect, because this is what link looks like:

he takes a moment in that last shot to like. swallow sadness and turn away from her, but even as he’s turning his head, he doesn’t take his eyes off her until the last possible moment. she hurts his feelings! why.

because it’s an act, is why. of COURSE fi loves him. of course she’s grown attached to him, of course she’s happy to have known him, of COURSE they’re friends. but fi was NEVER supposed to feel that way, she was never supposed to have the capability to love, and there’s no calculation she can run to set the uncertainties of that at ease within herself. so those lines up above is her trying her best to reset herself to who she was in the beginning, to snap herself back into the role of an emotionless servant to the goddess, to convince herself--not link--that saying goodbye won’t hurt. she’s trying to cope with something she has no idea was in the cards for her, and that’s why she’s seemingly so cruel for a moment.

all of this becomes apparent when she calls him back moments later and tells him how she really feels. there’s major whiplash because fi herself is Going Thru It. but essentially what’s happening in that moment is she thinks she knows what will hurt the least, but she miscalculates and backpedals and realizes even if saying goodbye hurts, it hurts less than pretending she doesn’t want to.

i think a lot of people overlook that line--“the most precious data i have on record.” fi, who contains multitudes within her. who contains knowledge immeasurable, the thoughts and feelings and stories of thousands. of civilizations, of gods, of countless ages passed. everything she holds within her is dwarfed entirely by what she feels for link, beside link. nothing in her encyclopedic knowledge can even compare to her friendship with him in the significance it has to her. like all things, fi has her own way of communicating her meanings, and this is her way of saying she really, truly loves him.

in addition, she very carefully does this after he abandons the sword, so it’s clear that it’s of her own will, not a part of her purpose as his servant. for this whole cutscene, up until she end, she drops the honourific and calls him just Link.

and while i see a lot of people debate if she truly does ‘feel,’ anything, like... she says it right here, she does. whether or not she was able to feel from the beginning or not, she can feel now. she has trouble putting words to those feelings, or explaining to herself and others where on earth they came from... but she feels now. that cannot be disputed.

happiness that she was able to know him. loyalty she wants to transcend lifetimes. sorrow at the idea of them having to part. gratitude that he took the chance, and did so beside her.

let’s talk about gratitude.

in skyward sword, gratitude is a tangible source of magic. it opposes malice, which as of botw is a reoccurring thing in zelda lore. skyward sword has two items--evil crystals and gratitude crystals--that represent malice and gratitude respectively. while the first isn’t entirely relevant, the second is something you’re actively encouraged to more or less harvest by helping people and basking in their thanks toward you. these feelings of gratitude are so canonically powerful in the zelda universe that they can turn monsters into humans entirely, and the outpouring of energy that event causes makes every monster & hostile creature within all of skyloft turn docile at once.

according to batreaux, the monster in question, this is well-established legend, the idea of gratitude granting humanity to the nonhuman. skyward sword literally said the power of love was canon.

the song that plays over the goodbye, of course, is called fi’s gratitude.

this is just one theory i have on the matter, but... whether hylia intended or foresaw fi to be capable of feeling human emotion or not, i do believe it was gratitude that woke her heart up. whether she was meant to love or not, link’s spirit contained within it enough love for the both of them, enough to touch her soul and rouse her from her cold and emotionless state. as always, through everything, they work in perfect tandem--his passionate heart touches hers as it sleeps, her wisdom holds him steady and level-headed.

when fi says “may we meet again in another life,” she says it like a prayer, because it is one--she knows hylia, knows that hylia loved link’s spirit just as she did, and knows that hylia of all people understands what the sword spirit is going through. and fi also knows that hylia immortalizes those she loves with cycles, with reincarnation, eternal life without the pain of never dying. fi doesn’t have a soul that hylia can bring back from death nor a physical body to revive, but she works with what she can--and so long as link’s spirit breathes anew, he finds fi. in a sunlit grove, with light bearing down on her, safe and warm and always loyal, even as the world rages on outside. fidelis, she was named for--“faithful.”

the fandom doesn’t really talk abt it, but fi is an angel. she’s an angel god sent to watch over one human, and when god said your mission is complete fi faced god and walked backwards into hell. her divine mission is long passed, but it stopped being about what she was fated to do long ago.

fi began to watch over link because he was her master. and fi resolved to stay forever because he was link.

#skyward sword #long post #hand of sorrow #wendy rambles #Anonymous #wendy answers

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aerial-aspie · 3 years

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An Autistic Point of View 21 (Summer Camp Edition)

Hi there it's Hazel! I'm finally back after a bit of a too long break because I've been struggling to find things to write about (which is also called being too lazy too) but I actually have something to talk about today! Yay!

So if you haven't seen on some of my earlier posts, I am a youth summer camp leader and 3 weeks ago I led for my first time and this is how it went.

Coming from a northern city in England, it was already difficult because everyone else was from London and were all talking gossip about people at school and would leave me out of everything, telling me I didn't want to know. I felt left out and isolated because I couldn't join in conversations as much because I didn't know who anyone was. This went on for the full four days of pre-camp preparations and it was quite difficult, another thing that happened was someone used the phrase 'you're not Jewish if you don't know...' and this was about a musical called 13 which was about a Bar Mitzvah. I'd never heard of it because I mostly know things that people tell me about or that I've seen come on tour and I wasn't sure how to respond because I didn't know it.

We also had multiple clashes in interests because the interests of all the girls (who I clashed with more) were more mainstream such as watching love island (I hate that show with a passion, it's disgusting), being die hard mamma mia fans (the songs are annoying and the film is awful in my opinion) and this is about everyone, they love pop music (again, I hate pop music and would much rather listen to vocaloid, jpop, electro swing, heavy metal and whatever is on my weird playlist). So because of this we clashed quite badly, especially over our opinions on love island because I'm so opinionated on how much I hate that show and they love it we got into a somewhat argument, so I left the building and went back to my dorm because it was the evening when we could do basically what we wanted.

Now I've gotten that off my chest, I need to say that I loved the group of people I was leading with. Yes we didn't get along interests wise and north, south divide didn't help but they were lovely to lead with and some of them I've come out with friends for life (well if we can keep in contact).

When the kids came it was so daunting, but luckily my friend Ash (who is leading with me) was on the coach with them because they had just had covid and had to isolate before coming, but they were fine.

I can't really remember fully what went on every day but I can tell you that the first meal time was horrible. I had this one kid on my table who begged me for the full half an hour about what we were doing next and I couldn't tell him at all and was panicking about what to say. I grabbed one of the senior leaders and was like "help, I don't know what to do" and he gave me some tips but even then, the kid wouldn't get off my back. He started being like "I hate it when people keep secrets from me, my mum once kept a secret from me and it was so horrible so tell me what we're doing please" (this is not exactly word for word what he said but he did bring his mum into it).

However, dinner was luckily over and I thought I was done with him but whilst we were blocking the entrance to one of the buildings whilst the activity was being set up, he went at me again and I was really struggling and panicking. Ash, who is one of my closest friends and knows me better than any of the other leaders, quickly spotted I was in a bad position and turned to me and said "Hazel, I think you're needed inside" and instantly got me out of that stressful situation. I thanked them for it later because it really saved me from a panic attack.

I only had one major panic attack through the entirety of camp, which is the best I've ever come out of one before. The one I had was because we were running early and had to think of something to do. I was suddenly told in front of all the kids with no prior warning that I was leading an invisible circus session and I found and excuse to leave the room and then I panicked. From there on out, the people running the camp knew they had to pre warn me about anything that was causing major changes and I would have to do things on the spot (even though I already told them that when we talked about my needs on a call prior to camp).

Last extremely negative moment when leading, then I'll get onto the positive sides. The kids were so hard work and one day they had 4 discipline talks and it did nothing. We were getting so annoyed and upset that Tammy had to do a full powerful speech about how upset we all were and I could see she was struggling too. Because of this, she wasn't in the next session she was leading with me (and I do not and will not blame her for it because she was so upset and needed that break). Luckily, Ethan was there to help me out and helped run the session and keep the moral high up for the kids as I was really struggling. At dinner I basically broke and after went to sit in the welfare room, there was another kid in there from another bubble and so I moved a chair just to put more distance between us and it was stuck to a phone lead and the phone clattered to the floor. This kid was very noise sensitive and was so frightened, I apologised so much to them before they got taken out and that was enough to set the tears off. There were leaders from the other camp there who knew me and comforted me (socially distant) because they understood I was having a terrible day.

I was then kicked out the welfare room because kids from the other camp were eating in there and this was for safeguarding reasons and so I got sent to one place to wait for the welfare officer but she was already there with someone else. I was basically a stranded autistic person, mid meltdown, not knowing where to go.

I did get rescued by another set of leaders who make our resources and they sat and talked to me whilst I cried it out. I really wanted to go home then, I hated it so much that day and soon the welfare officer came and I talked it out to her before ringing my parents and telling them about it.

I didn't go home in the end and made it all the way through.

Now for the good moments.

Meetings in the evenings were the funniest moments ever, where we talked about about our day and told funny stories and they never failed to make me laugh and always made my day, plus they were always followed by snacks!

We led some amazing activities where the kids got so into them and joined in with everything so that we all had a blast in the end. Site activities were so fun and I got to do high ropes, crate stacking and climbing and I loved it. Me and Ash went as a pair in crate stacking and I fell off at 6 crates, while they got to 13 and it was supposed to be a pairs challenge. But let me say, I screamed the whole way up the crate stacking.

The last night of camp talent show was hilarious. I got to do my poi in it because I was not comfortable doing what everyone else was doing, which was being randomly assigned acts on the go and you had to go up and improvise. But all the improvisation acts by the leaders were so funny, there was; the freedom sandwich song with a singer and someone with a broken finger on recorder, bohemian rhapsody without the vowels, slam poetry about the clavicle and more and it was so funny and such a great night.

The last night of camp in general was great because I pigged out on ice cream and popcorn and got my face painted as a cat. It was great except me 2 hour shift of watching the quiet sleeping area, which was dead boring but then I got to sleep early.

Finally, I did a talk on autism, at first it was just a half an hour chat session where Ash came to sit and listen and also crowd control in case anyone was silly in it. I only had 3 people turn up and another leader ran a football chat session to try and bring more people to mine (how sweet of them) so I ended up with 5 of them, all of them boys.

I thought they would mess around but they were so mature it was amazing! They asked loads of interesting questions about what it was like to be autistic and I answered them all and I loved this talk so much because I was so happy when it ended because it went so well and all the boys said I was now their favourite leader and it made me so happy.

I then ran this talk again in a session which was an hour where you could move between chats freely, whenever you wanted to. Ash was inspired by my autism talk and wanted to do one on being non-binary however, they didn't want to stop people from coming to mine. I turned round and said it doesn't matter about who comes and who doesn't, you should lead it, don't let me hold you back. And they did it! I was so proud of Ash for leading that talk.

I ended up getting all the boys in my talk, whilst Ash got all the girls (which they all apologised to me about not coming but I said it was fine and that they could come and ask questions at any time). All the boys were mature again and I got to happily chat about being autistic and I loved listening to all the questions they asked and anecdotes about people they knew and it went so well again.

Finally, my last highlight was Ash's 'why don't we talk about periods' session which most of the leaders all assisted on because it was so interesting. All the girls were sharing stories, I shared a story and even lots of boys turned up and one was brave enough to ask where the blood goes which I was so proud of him for asking. Whilst the female participants found that question funny, we were making this boy feel good for asking because we thought it was a mature question to come from a 12 year old boy and happily answered it.

To help desensitise people to some of the words we were using, we had everyone yelling period, menstruation, period blood, etc and it was good fun and I loved it.

And that's all about being autistic as a summer camp leader, will I lead again? Probably not. I considered trying again next year but it clashes with the commonwealth games and whilst there were positives from leading, there were lots of negatives too that were off putting and I'd rather go to the commonwealth games.

I hope you enjoyed it and see you next time!

#autistic experiences #actually autsitic #autism #autistic positivity #being autistic #autistic life #autistic blogger #summer camp

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antagonistchan · 3 years

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really long post sorry lol but i have so many thoughts about this that i so desperately need to get out

Something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately: Cheating in Transformers.

For some backstory; I’ve vaguely known about Transformers as long as I can remember (I had a bunch of Armada minicons as a little kid, and my Dad liked G1 when he was a kid and told me about it a couple times (and eventually I inherited his old toys)). And then I really got into Transformers myself in 2006 when I was 8 years old, when I started watching Transformers: Cybertron (which was already over halfway done at that point, oops, but still). And then I got REALLY into Transformers myself in 2008, when I truly discovered the Transformers fandom (I discovered tfwiki, and I discovered a couple Transformers youtubers who I actually still follow today, and I realized that I wanted to start collecting Transformers...); ever since then, I’ve been a hardcore Transformers fan. Transformers has consistently been at least one of my biggest fandoms this whole time. And most of the time it’s my absolute biggest, I’ve just had a couple phases here and there of thinking “maybe I care about this other thing just as much as if not more than Transformers” (most notably during my Vocaloid phase from 2015-2018). My favorite video game of all time is the Mass Effect trilogy, and a couple weeks ago I was thinking “there’s probably nothing that could ever top Mass Effect as my all-time favorite game” and then a week later I realized “Actually, no, there’s one thing that could potentially push Mass Effect aside, and that would be my dream Transformers game”.

So, I'm currently 23, I got into Transformers when I was 8, and I’ve been a hardcore fan since I was ten. More than half of my life. Way more than half of my conscious life since the first few years don’t really count.

So, with that context in mind, returning to the point of this post: Cheating.

I don’t like it when Transformers cheat. The robot mode and the altmode are extremely important to me, but ultimately, the most important part of a Transformer is the transformation between the two itself. And when it’s cheating, I feel a little... well, cheated.

Point 1: Bayverse. When I first saw the Bayverse designs, I was immediately put off because I knew that those designs couldn’t translate into toys without cheating. The only toys that even remotely approach movie-accurate transformations are Masterpieces and old Leader-class toys, and even then it’s not fully there. So like, the Bayverse designs feel like they’re missing the point of Transformers. And remember, I was a kid back then. I’m not saying I was a super mature kid or anything; rather, I was put off because of my childlike priorities. I wanted a toy that didn’t lie to me.

The Bumblebee-style designs are a step in the right direction; the characters are all actually recognizable as themselves now. But the whole design philosophy is still wildly out of scale with what’s actually possible in a toy. And god, as I get older, the more and more I do actually understand the appeal of the Bayverse design philosophy. It is a really cool and creative and interesting design philosophy. But it’s a good design philosophy for a movie, NOT for a toy. So even though I actually appreciate the Bayverse style now, it still stings that it doesn’t really understand toys, and the only Bayverse-style toys I’d ever be willing to buy are the insanely expensive ones.

(Also, it’ll always sting at least re: non-Bumblebee designs that the most high-profile part of the brand for so long was one of the least representative, and was so radically different from everything else. To a lot of people, Bayverse is Transformers. If those people are hardcore fans... I don’t mind too much that Bayverse defined Transformers for them. I can’t fully relate, but I do relate a little (these movies have been around and huge for more than half of my life, I definitely have some nostalgia for them), and they clearly have a lot of love for it and that largely placates me. But the fact that Bayverse also defined Transformers to a lot of casual consumers- THAT makes me wildly uncomfortable)

I had a similar initial reaction to Animated’s designs, but then Animated’s designs actually won me over because the designers used some sort of blood magic to make the toys actually work. The toys actually transform the way they do in the show! Incredible! And even at reasonable prices, and looking good in both modes (at worst, there’s some minor kibble and visible robot bits)! They actually did understand the point of Transformers, and I feel ashamed for having ever doubted them! Animated is actually one of the highest points of Transformers, both in media and in the toys! God, I love Animated!

Point 2: Speaking of Animated, we gotta talk about Wreck-Gar.

And by “We gotta talk about Wreck-Gar”, I mean “Wreck-Gar is actually perfectly fine and everyone’s way too harsh on him”. Animated Wreck-Gar is one of the most infamous backpack-formers, and backpack-forming is one of the most infamous methods of cheating.... but honestly, with Wreck-Gar, it doesn’t feel like cheating at all.

Yeah, he’s got most of a dump truck hanging off his back... but it feels like that’s the point. A dump truck is already just a cargo delivery system, so with Wreck-Gar, it just feels like the robot is still just a cargo delivery system. He doesn’t have a backpack because he’s poorly-designed, he has a backpack because he has a backpack.

That’s not to say the backpack-forming doesn’t have any issues. It does still create two problems- that is, it restricts his waist articulation and gives him balance issues. Those are both unfortunate. But it’s not cheating.

Kibble doesn’t feel like cheating if it feels like it’s supposed to be there.

Point 3: Fake kibble.

CHUG toys like to cheat a lot, especially lately.

For instance, PotP Punch/Counterpunch. Counterpunch’s chest is not the actual windows; the real windows are in his feet and slot over Counterpunch’s chest.

This is... kinda clever. It’s still cheating, but the fake thing is just hidden inside the real one, so everything’s kinda in the same place.

But again, it is still cheating, and I feel like cheating misses the point for me.

In this case, they’re clearly cheating because it makes the two modes look better. And they’re right. If the altmode used Counterpunch’s real chest, it’d be too small; and if Counterpunch used the altmode’s real windows, it’d be too big. I get it. But I just don’t think that’s worth the cheating.

But much like actual kibble, sometimes fake kibble doesn’t feel like cheating.

Optimus Prime has had many many toys with fake cheating over the years, because they’ve experimented with so many ways for him to transform but like to keep his design mostly intact (hell, that’s part of why they’ve experimented so much- Floro Dery’s take on his design is really hard to replicate in a toy). And they have varying levels of “does this feel like cheating”.

Classics Voyager Optimus Prime is cool, but his fake kibble is absolutely cheating.

Powermaster Prime doesn’t feel like cheating at all to me. Part of that is because in the Masterforce anime (which I saw before I’d even seen the toy), they don’t hide how he actually transforms in the slightest. They show him transforming, and he transforms like the toy. There, it feels like they just wanted him to transform different, but wanted to keep the iconic details, rather than making him transform different for the sake of the iconic details.

Earthrise Optimus Prime’s fake kibble is mostly cheating, but the way it cheats is actually so interesting that, if I force myself to think of it the way I think of Powermaster Prime- pretend that it admits it transforms funny- I can actually accept it as somewhat not cheating.

But there’s one Optimus Prime that doesn’t use fake kibble at all and still ends up with a Floro Dery-accurate robot mode. I really love the way this Optimus Prime transforms.

It just fucking sucks that this Optimus Prime’s vehicle mode is so bad that even I- who prioritizes the transformation above the vehicle mode- am willing to say “Wow, this toy is garbage”.

I’m speaking of Classics Deluxe Optimus Prime. The robot mode isn’t as good as Earthrise’s, but it was good at the time, and god, that transformation is absolutely beautiful. But jesus, that vehicle mode is ugly as shit. I really wish they’d give Classics Deluxe’s general design another go, have an Optimus that transforms just about the same way but doesn’t have the worst fucking vehicle mode of all time.

Point 4: Partsforming.

I don’t usually like partsforming. I have a hard time accepting Earthrise Cliffjumper even though it’s mostly very good because the partsforming is so much.

But sometimes- and I think you might be noticing a pattern after the kibble and fake kibble bits- partsforming doesn’t feel like cheating for me.

Partsforming typically feels right when it actually gets so egregious that it loops back around to being Really Good, Actually.

For instance, RiD01 Ultra Magnus. His entire vehicle mode basically splits in half, and one half becomes his legs while the other half becomes everything else. The fact that he has to split in half so dramatically and then recombine equally dramatically makes it feel like an inventive and unique transformation instead of a cheat.

#antagonist originals #transformers #maccadam #long post #i might turn this post into a video essay someday #so i'll also tag it as #reference #so that i can keep the link handy

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vgperson · 4 years

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What Did I Do In 2019?

#vgperson

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sparrellow · 4 years

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i can be ur angle or yuor devil

“I literally called you sexy. I winked at you. Then you sat on me and gave me a boner.”

It just so happens that the company's plans to revive Rin's failing idol status brings her closer to her previous partner-in-crime.

rating: T+ genre: romance/humor ships: rin/len word count: 6,974

Life in the idol world was tough.

Rin knew as much, because she, unfortunately, was an idol.

She wasn’t even sure how she got herself into this mess, but she was talent scouted at an age too young by Western standards, probably, and then forced into a duet with some bratty kid called Len.

The whole farce was that they looked almost exactly the same, and were the same age, and ‘had the same family name’ (they didn’t, but that was a long story). So, they were marketed as like, twins-by-chance-not-blood or mirror-images or gender-bend-friends or whatever.

That worked for a while, until Len went through puberty and became way too hot to duet with Rin, and his own popularity sky-rocketed so much that they were basically forced to be their own pop stars.

Alas, Rin was kind of just too damn average to go solo. Especially with more appealing talents in the charts, like Japan’s darling idol Miku Hatsune, or just, Len himself, she had no chance. All that could be concluded from this was that Rin was just too ugly and untalented.

After Meiko had heard Rin’s internal woes, she patted her roughly on the back and sighed.

“Oh, Rin. You’re not ugly or bad at singing. You wouldn’t have gotten this far if you were.”

Rin sniffled, and blew her ugly face into her handkerchief. Of course she’d started crying during the whole monologue, which made her sound and look even more ridiculous than before. “But I’m literally sucking. Even the manager has called an emergency meeting about my lack of popularity.”

That was true. Earlier that day, the manager had sent a text into the Vocaloid Idol Group Chat™ calling for an emergency meeting to save a certain idol’s plunging fanbase. Even if he didn’t name her directly, literally everyone in the group chat knew it was about her.

How embarrassing. Even Miku and Len saw it. She wanted to die.

Meiko tutted, shaking her head. “You know, you’ve been a duet with Len for almost your whole career. Everyone knows you as part of a duet. So, of course your image might suffer a little with such a sudden change as you go into solo careers. The manager just needs to figure out how to market you in a way that shows idol fans how truly spectacular you are as a solo idol. That’s all.”

Rin wailed. “That’s the thing. I’m not spectacular as a solo idol. I’m just painfully average.”

“Lies!” her companion said. “Rin, you are so cute. Like, you can take anything and make it cute. And your voice is unique, like Len’s. It doesn’t have to be like Miku’s to be special, it’s already special as is.”

She dabbed at her tears and sniffled again. Her stupid idol makeup was running down her face, making her look like she’d just crawled out of a TV set showing a horror movie. Even Miku would still look painfully beautiful crying, and not like some unfortunate Halloween-costume-gone-wrong.

“Thanks Meiko,” Rin said. “I don’t believe a word you said but thanks for trying to comfort me anyway.”

Meiko rolled her eyes, giving her another rough pat on the back. “Would you believe me if I was Len telling you all that stuff?”

The mention of Len made her ears turn pink. “Hmm,” she said, knowing the point her senior idol was making.

Meiko smirked. “That’s right.”

The brunette then left Rin to cry like a baby by herself in the private idol lobby of their record company building. To be honest, it would be humiliating if anyone else saw her like this, but she couldn’t bring herself to move somewhere more private to cry. Besides, everyone knew her career was going down the toilet.

Perhaps she would’ve been able to bounce back more if things were different, but a certain Blonde Boy with a Very Attractive Face made it all the more complicated.

Here was the catch: Rin was totally enamored of Len.

It was a bit sad, really. And it hadn’t always been so cliched-romance-story, with her pining after his very nicely shaped ass. In the beginning, they actually sort of hated each other, with her wanting to kick his ass to the moon.

He was the most self-absorbed dingus at first, and he would play pranks on her constantly. They weren’t even good pranks—like, once he put a whoopee cushion on her seat during a meeting and found that hilarious.

Of course, with time, they grew on each other and actually became very good friends. They had secret jokes with each other, they played pranks on other idols, they watched horror movies until dawn and then slept on the couch together for the rest of the week because they were too scared to sleep in their own beds.

It couldn’t be helped that Rin eventually fell for Len. Daring, mischievous, but charming Len. He always knew how to make her smile (or tear her hair out with frustration).

But for the sake of professionalism, she never dared uttering her true feelings to him—only confiding in Meiko from time to time, since she was the only Vocaloid she could trust. It sucked, but she couldn’t risk ruining the relationship between them, thus ruining their career had Len demanded they should go solo.

Of course, then they grew up. Len’s voice changed, as well as his appearance, and soon his own popularity outgrew the popularity of the duet itself. The manager made the wise choice to break them up. He went solo, with much success.

Rin, however, flopped like a suffocating fish out of water.

With his success, he moved on to doing occasional collaborations with Miku Hatsune, the record company’s most popular idol. She was, by definition, probably a global superstar at this stage. She toured internationally. She had fans of all nationalities, ages, genders, so have it. She was beautiful and cute and talented, and Len had finally made it far enough to sing with her.

It made Rin’s blood boil, because she was petty and jealous. She was also worried. Miku was just so perfect. It was inevitable that Len would fall for her, right? They were perfect for each other. Perfect people love other perfect people.

Rin blew her nose noisily and sunk back into the lounge chair. This sucked. This sucked.

Gumi appeared, having heard her meltdown, and offered some makeup wipes to fix her face.

Rin took them graciously.

“Is this about the text from the manager in the group chat?” she asked, handing her another wipe after Rin had used up the other one.

Rin just looked at her and said nothing. There was no need to say anything.

Gumi didn’t press and fell silent. She was a nice idol. She wasn’t nearly as successful as the others, but she was quite popular in her own way. At least she was kind enough to not nag about the matter.

Another sad thing about popularity was that Len soon became distant once they parted ways. They used to be so close, but now Rin felt like she couldn’t even approach him unless approached herself. Of course they talked, but only occasionally. Their careers had drifted so far apart they barely saw each other anyway.

Had their friendship only survived because they were a duet? Was Len glad to be a solo artist now and not having to deal with her anymore? It was sad to think about.

Gumi squeezed Rin’s shoulder and gave her a reassuring smile. “It’ll all work out, Rin,” she said. Then she handed her her pack of makeup wipes. “You can keep them. I have plenty of extras anyway. Take care of yourself, okay?”

“Thank you,” Rin said, watching as she jumped up from the couch and skipped off. (Probably to do better things than comfort a failing idol.)

Soon came the time for the not-so long-awaited yet very-muchly-apprehended emergency meeting to fix Rin’s poor career.

She didn’t want to go. She’d rather be curled up in her room, stuffing her face with chocolate and crying over poorly-written teen romance on Netflix. But Meiko had practically dragged her to the meeting room, makeup-less and in her go-to comfort clothes: a stained, baggy sweater and yoga pants.

Rin had already been humiliated enough as is, so showing up in this state couldn’t be any worse.

Supposedly.

Like fate itself had it in for her, Len also showed up in the elevator on the way to the meeting. He did a double take when he saw her.

“Oh, Rin! I almost didn’t recognise you.”

Rin then promptly burst into tears.

Len blinked at her in confusion and panic. “I, uh, didn’t mean that in a bad way—”

Meiko just put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry. She’s just being fragile.”

He looked at Rin with an eye of concern, but said nothing more.

They filed into the meeting room in silence, and Len took a seat at a distance from her. Much to her further dismay, Miku took the seat right next to him, and they started chatting and showing each other things on their phones.

Rin didn’t know if she was going to have a tantrum or a breakdown.

The meeting began with the manager going over sales-related information, and just general, boring business things. About half-an-hour into the meeting, though, he set aside his stacks of paper, clasped his hands in front of him and leaned forward; a look that meant serious business.

Oh boy.

“I’ve discussed with both the marketing and sales department leaders as to where to go next with Vocaloid’s image. As you know, the idol market is ever-changing and in demand of fresh concepts. We’ve decided on a new image for some idols, and we appreciate everyone’s understanding and cooperation with this change.”

Translation: Rin’s career is going down the toilet, so we need to make her more interesting or something.

“Miku and Len,” the manager addressed. The pair straightened up with serious expressions. “I want you two to have a new image. You’re both our most successful idols, and your fanbase is very supportive of your every move. This is why we feel it’s best for you to take on an image of innocence and purity. You will become Vocaloid’s angels.”

Rin was already sinking down into her seat. This was going so terribly awful. Miku and Len? Angels? Together? She couldn’t even see where this was going for her.

Unfortunately, she’d find out very, very soon, as the manager then fixated his gaze on her.

“Rin. Ever since going solo, your fanbase has been dwindling and sales for both your albums, new singles, and lives, have been suffering.” Oof. “The marketing department has acknowledged this is a fault of their own, for not better marketing your image as something new and fresh after splitting from your duet with Len. We didn’t anticipate Len’s popularity to skyrocket so much that it would overshadow your own success.”

Everyone’s eyes were on her. Including Len’s.

“Your image has always been cute and innocent, and while you fit it quite well, the market is flooded too much with idols like you. That’s why we decided, you will become our devil.”

Rin almost fell out of her chair. Her entire face lit up red like a traffic light.

A devil. A devil. They were going to make Miku and Len innocent and pure, and her evil and chaotic like Satan? Wow. Wow. Rin never wanted to die more than now.

“A devil may sound bad, but we want to combine your current cute image with something mischievous, cheeky, alluring. The current idol market lacks that sort of appeal, and we believe people would become quite attracted to it. You’ll be cute, but with a twist of something dark. We think this new image will suit you quite well.”

Okay, so, Rin representing evil was like a match made in heaven? Did she radiate chaotic evil energy or something? She literally couldn’t even kill a fly without wanting to cry with guilt.

“Any questions or concerns about our decisions?” the manager asked the group.

The room was silent.

“Good,” he said with a smile. “Miku, Rin, Len. Please stay for further discussion about our next campaign. The rest of you are free to leave.”

Meiko shot Rin a sympathetic look before leaving, and once the room emptied out, the manager motioned for the trio to move closer.

“First, do you three have anything you would like to say regarding these changes?” he asked them, sorting through his paperwork to find his notes.

It was quiet a moment, before Len slowly put up his hand.

“Yes?”

“Why are Miku and I involved with this image chance if we’re fine in terms of sales and popularity?”

Big oof. But, honestly, it was a question on Rin’s mind, too. Why were they involved with this miserable attempt at reviving her career?

“While you two are both doing very well, the sales department has noticed that you two have both, er, capped for your sales, and they're no longer increasing. They predicted that it could decrease as people become bored with your current images, so in order to prevent that, we wanted to take a different approach.”

It was Miku and Len’s turn to blush.

“Besides, your popularity will help promote Rin to a larger audience, which is why your next campaign will be together.”

Rin wanted to hide under the table.

��Any other questions?”

Everyone shook their heads, so the manager moved on. “As I said, your next campaign will be together. We were thinking of doing a photoshoot to promote a popular brand of clothing, and using that as a base of your new image. Respectively, Len and Miku promoting a more soft, pure style of clothing, and Rin, promoting a more gothic look.”

Rin? Gothic? Was she going to have to change her stage name to Darkness or Elvira or Raven Way to suit her image, too?

“We’ll see how this goes. If the campaign gains enough popularity, we’ll keep moving forward, perhaps on to new songs and collaborations with each other.”

The manager then relayed the information for the photoshoot, asked for any more questions, and after receiving no further response, dismissed them.

Miku said nothing much once they left the meeting room, simply excusing herself as 'she had business to get to'. Len stayed behind, staring at the carpet between him and Rin.

“So, uh, what do you think?” he asked.

Rin looked at him. “I’m so sorry you two have to get involved with me.”

Len snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous. We don’t care about that. But you care, right?”

“I guess I don’t really want to be Satan, but…” she said in a low voice.

He chuckled, and Rin’s face grew warm. “Yeah. I can understand it. But, not saying you’re evil or anything, I feel like some cute devil image would totally suit you.”

“Excuse me?”

Len dodged her elbow, stepping back. “I mean, you’re already cute. Putting angel wings on you would be boring. But you with some devil wings? I can see the appeal—”

Rin didn’t know whether to be flattered or offended. She stepped on his foot to stop him mid-sentence. “Don’t mock it!”

“I’m not,” he said with a grin. “I’m just saying, it’ll be interesting to see what they’ll do with your image.”

She flushed. “Yeah, well, I wonder what they’ll do with yours.”

He laughed and turned away, starting off down the hall. “Don’t knock it until we’ve tried it, Rin,” he said over his shoulder.

Rin sighed. He had a point… but.

Still.

She had tried it, and was ready to knock it.

Rin stared at her reflection in complete and utter mortification. Her wardrobe for the photoshoot was something she'd only be caught dead in. One outfit was a long, black dress that made her look a bit like a nun. The other outfit—her current one—consisted of leather shorts, a black corset top, fishnet tights, and lots of unnecessary ribbons.

Oh, and platform boots, but they were kind of cool.

She grimaced at the stupid devil accessories she had to wear. Seriously? A tail? Wings? Little horns? This was a nightmare.

Meanwhile, Miku could wear this pretty, floral dress and cute, frilly overall skirt. She looked so soft and fluffy and it made Rin want to throw herself into piranha-infested waters.

Len appeared behind her reflection in the mirror. He had matching overall pants to Miku’s skirt, and a frilly, white button-up shirt with a ribbon at the neck. Rin never knew she needed to see him in soft, feminine clothing until now.

“I told you it’d suit you,” he said with a shit-eating grin.

“I look like I just walked out of a 90s vampire-romance manga.”

Len snickered. “Yeah, well, you would fit in really well with the kids in Harajuku,” he said. “Anyway, you’re totally giving off cute-sexy vibes.”

“How can one be cute and sexy?” Rin asked, not sure to take what he said seriously, let alone as a compliment.

He began playing with her tail, using it to hit her in the legs. “I don’t know. But you somehow do it.”

Her face burst into flames. Thank god her makeup was thick enough to hide that (though her ears were giving away the secret).

Len then walked off, as if nothing ever happened, but that was basically his signature move. The guy was really good at making her melt and not noticing it at all.

The first shoot was with Miku, and the photographer seemed to be really into making it weirdly intimate, so it felt rather homoerotic. Not that Rin cared, because, well, even she felt slightly gay for Miku.

That aside, it was pretty uneventful. Miku was polite, and laughed when her tail kept knocking the set pieces over.

Next was Miku and Len. Since they were ‘angels’, they did, like, angel-ly things or whatever. Looking beautiful, eating grapes and watching humans make fools of themselves. (That was what the photographer said.)

Of course, some poses made Rin’s blood curdle with jealousy as she stood to the side watching, in between the makeup and hair artist fussing about her appearance. But her prayers were soon answered as Miku was sent off set and Rin called up to start her shoot with Len.

“So, you two were partners, right?” the photographer asked, as he set them up for the first pose.

“A duet, yes,” Rin said.

“Hmm,” the photographer said, in a way that was slightly concerning.

The first few poses were fairly tame. Rin being evil, Len being good. “Steal his grapes,” the photographer ordered. “Okay, good, now look sad because she stole your grapes.”

Why were grapes even a part of this weird shoot? What did they have to do with heaven and hell, or whatever the theme was?

“So, now, Len, I want you to look sad for your partner. She’s become evil.”

Rin frowned at the directions, and Len burst out laughing in her face. “Sorry, I’m sorry,” he apologised to the photographer.

“Rin, you want to lure Len over to the dark side.”

Len snickered again, his expression faltering just for a moment. Rin rolled her eyes, and followed the directions for how she should pose.

She placed a hand on his cheek, leaning over him and pressing a finger to her lips. He looked up at her with wide eyes, and for a moment she thought it was his actual expression, before she remembered the context of the photo and yada yada yada.

The photographer repositioned them a few times, telling Rin to play with his hair and Len to act as if he was pushing her away.

The whole time, Rin could only think about how bright red her ears were, and how the photo editor would probably have to photoshop them back to a human colour.

Eventually it came to the last photo of them together.

“Okay. Len, you have given in. Your devil has lured you to the dark side.”

Rin wanted to face-palm. Len raised his eyebrows at her and winked.

“Creep,” she muttered to him.

“Hey, you’re the one dressed in leather right now,” he said.

“Yeah, and it’s giving me a massive wedgie.”

Len snorted. “TMI, Rin.”

The photographer began unbuttoning Len’s shirt somewhat. “Rin, hold his collar and motion like you’re trying to take off his shirt.”

“Why,” she said without thinking, and the photographer stopped to look at her questioningly. Len was laughing into his hand. She cleared her throat. “Sorry, I was kidding.”

As if wanting revenge, the photographer then instructed, “Also, I want you to sit on his lap, so that you’re both facing each other.”

Len stopped laughing, checking to see if the photographer was serious. (He was.)

Rin, with the very last remaining bit of courage, reluctantly sat down so that she was straddling Len. Their eyes met, and they pretty much communicated silent apologies to each other.

She held onto his shirt as per instruction, pretending that she was unbuttoning it. A hint of his bare stomach peaked through at her, and she almost screamed.

Len was told to hold her waist. The poor boy seemed humiliated.

Imagine having to shoot something this grossly intimate with someone you’re incredibly not attracted to, Rin thought. That was probably what was going through his brain.

After being repositioned a few times, the photoshoot between them was finally over, and Rin leapt off his legs like she had been sitting on flames the whole time.

“I’m sorry,” she said to him, and Len looked at her with surprise.

“Why are you sorry?”

“Oh, just. That pose was a bit… Uh.”

He shook his head and patted her shoulder. “No need to apologise, Rin. It’s part of the job.”

Right. Right.

It’s part of the job.

She didn’t know why those words stung as much as they did.

The rest of the shoot was fairly tame. Perhaps the photographer sensed their discomfort with that one position, but he didn’t really force them into any intimate positions after that. Thank god (but Rin was also a little disappointed, you know, because …).

Once they wrapped up the shoot and returned to regular human form, Miku suggested that they order pizza and chill out at her apartment.

As they headed there in a taxi, Len nudged Rin and gave her this pouty expression.

“I’m so sad they didn’t let you keep the devil wings and stuff,” he said.

“Why, did you want to wear them?” Rin asked.

“No!” Len exclaimed, looking flustered at such a suggestion. “I—I—”

Miku chuckled at them from the front seat. “You two are really close, aren’t you?”

“What?” Rin said.

Miku and Len both looked at her, surprised by her response.

“I mean, we barely even talk anymore.”

A strange expression crossed Len’s face, and he opened his mouth to say something, before snapping it shut and turning away to stare out the window. Miku watched this, before looking back at Rin.

“Really?” she said. “It doesn’t seem that way to me.”

Then Miku turned back to face the front.

Rin was silent. Had she said something wrong? She thought Len would laugh about it or agree, but…

She sighed and turned to stare out the window as well. She could tell pizza was going to be awkward.

As expected, pizza was pretty awkward.

Len was very strangely serious with everything, and Miku tried desperately to lighten the mood. Eventually, Rin gave up and made some excuse about needing to get home so she could call her parents.

She stared at her long-untouched LINE chat with Len while waiting at the station for the next train home. It was only the truth, though; what she’d said. They'd used to talk every day, whether it be in person or through text. But then one day, he'd just stopped, and so did she.

Was it her fault, or something? She had tried initiating conversation before, but they’d died rather quickly. To be honest, today’s photoshoot was the first time they’d talked that much in like, a year or so.

So why was Len so upset about what she said?

He seemed to ignore her after that, or avoided her as much as possible. Even in the followup meetings between him, Miku, her and the manager, he avoided her gaze entirely.

The manager gave them some pictures from the shoot at their last meeting, saying their photos would be in the next volume of Sara, a pretty popular alternative fashion magazine.

One of the photos he’d given them happened to be that pose.

Rin stared at it. It felt incredibly unnatural and awkward at the time, but as a photo, it looked peaceful and natural, and the expression on Len’s face was something different, almost as if he truly was captivated by her or something. Had they mysteriously photoshopped all their humiliation out of the picture?

When she got home from work, she stuck it on the wall above her bed, alongside other photos from their many escapades in the years before. It hadn’t grown much since they went solo, so it was nice to have a new addition.

Rin still felt miserable about it all. She didn’t know if she should message him an apology, or try talking to him about it, because she just didn’t understand.

She pulled out her phone and called Meiko.

Meiko picked up on the third ring. “What can I help you with, Little Miss Devil?”

“Oh no. Let me guess. You saw the photos?”

“Of course. Miku and Len were showing everyone in the lobby. Your butt looked really nice in those pants.”

“Please don’t remind me of my trauma,” Rin moaned, thinking back to her killer wedgie. She was pretty sure she got chafing from those shorts.

“So, what’s up? You don’t just call me for small talk.”

Rin winced, realising she’d kind of used Meiko as a bit of a therapist lately.

Nevertheless.

“It… it’s Len.”

“Len, huh? What did he do?”

“It’s not what he did, more so what I did.”

Meiko was silent for a moment. “Hmm.”

Rin hesitated. “What?”

“I think I know what you did. Miku told me about what happened a few weeks ago, and was asking for context or whatever.”

“What did you tell her?”

“Nothing,” Meiko said smoothly. “Anyway, I was waiting for you to talk to me about it, because I only have one thing to tell you: Talk to him about it.”

Rin clenched her jaw. “Talk to him about it? Why?”

“Because I’m not Len and I can’t tell you what his problem is.”

“Wait,” she said. “Has Len told you about this?”

Meiko hummed. “Not specifically, but I know some things.”

Rin began to tug at her hair, anxious. “Wait. What. What does that mean?”

“Rin,” Meiko said in a firm voice. “From one experienced adult to a less-experienced adult: communication is key.”

Not letting her get another word of protest in, the woman hung up.

Rin stared at her phone in her hand. She was mentally pooping herself. What was going on? What terrible, awful thing was going to happen next?

Reluctantly, she opened her LINE chat with Len and began writing a message to him.

Much to her surprise, Len agreed to meet up at a cafe on their day off. It was one of those hole-in-the-wall cafes, so not really busy anyway, and they took a seat in the far back corner of the shop, where it was more private for a serious discussion.

He was very quiet the whole time, until they’d settled into their seats. He looked up at her, sitting back in his chair. “So, what did you want to talk about?” he asked, straight to the point.

Rin hadn’t elaborated the reason for the talk or anything, let alone even thought about how she would broach the topic. “Uh, um…” she said, staring down at the menu in front of her. Did she want milk tea, or something herbal? She wasn’t sure how pleasant the conversation was going to be, and if shit were to hit the fan somehow, maybe she should avoid dairy in case her (anxious) shit were to also, figuratively, hit the fan.

Len raised an eyebrow at her.

“About… the day of the photoshoot,” Rin finally said, settling on just getting straight to the point. “I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t realise it was going to upset you. It… I didn’t say it to hurt you, or be mean, or anything.”

He shifted in his chair, picking up his menu to read. “You don’t need to apologise for it. I know what you meant. And it’s true.”

Rin bit her lip. “But I still upset you.”

Len looked at her over the top of the menu. “I’m not looking for your apology,” he said in a low voice. “I don’t want it.”

“Oh.” Ouch.

He put his menu down. “Have you decided what you want, yet?”

“Yeah."

“What do you want?”

Rin blinked at him a few times, before acknowledging he wasn’t going to move on before she gave an answer. “Er, I’ll just get some yuzu tea.”

“No food?” he asked, pointing at the cake and sweets menu.

She shook her head, and he stood from his chair. Was he going to leave?

Then he pulled his wallet out from his pocket. “Well, I’ll get you something anyway,” he said, and left to order the food before she could protest.

Rin stared down at her knees, tears stinging the corners of her eyes. She quickly wiped them away and willed herself not to cry in front of him. Again.

What did he mean about not apologising? What did he want, then? Was he just really, really mad at her?

She glanced over her shoulder to check he hadn’t just run away, but he was at the counter, making their order.

Right. She needed to pay him back for this, too. She pulled out her purse and checked she had enough change to give him.

“How much?” she asked when he sat down.

“No,” he said, eyes narrowing in on her purse.

Rin ignored his response, counting out her coins to give him. Before she could hand them over, he reached out and pushed her hand back to her.

“Really, Rin,” Len insisted. “You don’t have to pay me back.”

Sulking, she dropped the coins back into her purse and put it away.

They both fell into silence until their order came. Len had gotten honey toast for them to share.

It was like old times; when they used to always hang out together, when they would order something crazy like a giant parfait meant for four people and try to finish it all without making themselves sick.

Rin couldn’t help but frown.

Len paused when handing her a spoon. “Do you not like honey toast?”

“Huh?” she said, glancing up at him. “Oh, no. It’s fine.”

He raised an eyebrow at her.

Rin tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, digging the spoon into the dessert. “It’s just nostalgic, that’s all.”

Len gazed at her.

She looked away from him, embarrassed by the very intense-and-direct eye contact he was giving her.

He then said, “Rin, I know we’ve gone our own ways and fallen out of contact, but you do know I consider you one of my closest friends, right? Just because we don’t talk as much as we used to, or see each other that much anymore, doesn’t mean I don’t think of you as someone special to me.”

Rin flushed. She set down her spoon on the table, losing her appetite. “So, you are mad at me about what I said.”

Len opened his mouth, like he was about to protest, but then he hung his head. “It’s… not…” he said, before sighing in defeat. “It’s more so, I’m sad that… that’s how you think. I’m sad that things made you feel like we weren’t good friends anymore.”

She wanted to cry again, but held her breath in an attempt to stop the tears. “Mmmmmmm,” was all she could say.

He then rested his head in his hand, playing with his spoon in the other. “I guess maybe I’ve been a bit careless about it all and I haven’t really… thought about how you’ve been feeling. And what you said made me realise that.”

“It’s my fault,” Rin began to blubber. “I should’ve talked about it sooner rather than just making the assumption you weren’t interested in me anymore.”

Len glanced up at her, noticing her ugly crying face, and reached for a napkin to hand to her. She hid behind it, trying to silence her loud sobs.

“Rin, we worked together for so long. I couldn’t just throw away our friendship after that,” he said with a pained expression.

Rin wiped her face and sighed. “I know. I’m being unreasonable. But… seeing you with Miku and everything, it just…”

Len snorted. “Miku and I, we’re friends, well, more like colleagues, but we don’t, you know, click like you and I do. Sure, we hang out and talk and stuff, but with you… I can just be me. You laugh at all my jokes. With Miku, it’s not like that. It’s not always fun and easy and natural like it is with you.”

Her ears began to burn. “Len…” she said. God. Just rip out her heart right there. He was saying all these nice things about them being friends, and she didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. Well, of course she was happy, but… she wished it was more than just. Friendship.

Maybe it was time she just. Laid it flat on the table. Killed two birds with one stone. Set the whole kitchen on fire and just get it all out.

Len looked at her from across the table, spoon in hand, waiting expectantly for her to continue with what she wanted to say.

Rin sucked in a breath, pushed back her tears and smacked her hands on the table, making both herself and Len jump, and also everyone else within earshot.

He blinked. “Rin—”

“Len,” she said, before realising she had no idea what she wanted to say next. She’d stood from her seat and was leaning across the table, staring at him. Her face grew warm as panic began to set in. Okay, okay, just say something at least, because this was getting awkward. “Len.”

Len gulped. “Yes?”

Rin sucked in a shaky breath. Okay. Here we go. Here we go—

“Marry me please,” she blurted.

Len dropped his spoon on the floor.

Rin had never run so fast to the bathroom in her life. She didn’t even stick around to hear his response (nor see his reaction). She just high-tailed it to somewhere where she could emergency call Meiko for advice.

“I just proposed to Len,” she cried as soon as Meiko answered the phone.

There was a moment of silence, before she said, “Congratulations?”

“I’m serious,” Rin said. “I literally told him to marry me.”

“Good for you.”

“Meiko! What do I do? I can’t go back out there and face him after that!”

Meiko sighed. “Where are you?”

“In the bathroom.”

She snorted. “So you just left him there after that? Did you even wait for his answer?”

“No! Of course not! Why would I wait for rejection?!”

“How do you know he was going to reject you? Did you see the future, or something, Rin?”

“Well, no , but—”

“Rin,” Meiko said, her tone suddenly very serious. “I’m not your fairy godmother. I can’t help you out of this situation. Go back out there and talk to him. Len is your friend, isn’t he? Do you think he’d completely destroy you as a rejection? Does that sound like him? Think about it.”

Rin did think about it. “Well… no… maybe…”

“So, what are you doing? Don’t leave him there by himself to wonder what the hell is going on.”

She closed her eyes, leaned back against the back of the toilet and pinched the bridge of her nose. A few beats of silence passed, before she let out an exhale. “Okay. Okay. I’ll do it.”

“Good. Now, get your ass out of the bathroom, you disgusting creature.”

“R-right! Thank you Meiko!”

Rin hung up, sat on the toilet for a moment longer, before getting up to check her reflection in the mirror and emerge with caution from the bathroom. A part of her felt relief seeing Len still at their table, another part felt pure and utter terror.

He was on his phone with a serious expression, and she had no idea how to decipher that.

Without a word, she took her seat across from him and had a mouthful of her citrus tea (which had long gone cold).

Len glanced up, looking surprised, and just stared at her with wide eyes.

Okay.

Damage control.

Okay.

Rin took a breath. “So, um, I panicked…” she began to explain.

Len cocked an eyebrow.

“The truth is,” she said, staring down hard at the barely-touched honey toast in front of them. “The truth is that you’re really hot.”

Oh boy. This was going south really fast.

“Thank… you?” Len said, confused.

Rin smacked her forehead. “Yeah, like, so, um, I’m, you know…”

He tilted his head. “I don’t know.”

She sucked in a sharp breath, and it all began pouring out of her mouth like vomit.

“I’ve been really attracted to you for like ever and it’s been eating me up inside and everything just feels a lot worse because I really like you and I don’t know how to handle it but you know I’m happy to just be friends if that’s not reciprocated because I never really wanted to confess my feelings to you anyway and I know it’s not professional or anything but please don’t hate me just because I like you like way more than a friend because I also like being friends with you please don’t hate me.”

Len blinked several times, processing that flood of information, before opening his mouth to speak.

Rin clapped her hands over her ears and cried, “It’s okay! You don’t need to answer! I just wanted to get that off my chest! Let’s forget this ever happened and move on.”

He shook his head at her. “No.”

She lowered her hands. No? That’s it? Just no?

Well, okay then. Alright. Cool cool cool.

Rin sat back in her chair, dazed and uncertain how to take in such a completely cold rejection.

“No, I don’t want to forget this happened,” he continued. Wait. What? He averted his gaze to the table, rubbing his hands together. “I don’t really understand why you think I’d hate you or something.”

She gawked at him. “Wh… what do you mean…?”

Len dug a hand into his hair, scrunching up his fringe in his fist. He looked up at her from under his dark lashes. “Rin, I literally flirted with you the entire photoshoot.”

Rin almost choked on her own saliva. “You—wh—huh. ”

He pressed his palms together, using his thumbs to massage the space between his eyebrows. “I literally called you sexy. I winked at you. Then you sat on me and gave me a boner.”

Her soul left her body. It just upped and left. See you later, humanity. I’m outta here.

Rin slid down in her chair, looking up at the ceiling. “I didn’t even notice,” she said, feeling like the world’s biggest clown.

“I’m surprised you didn’t even notice,” he continued. “That thing was like rock hard. I was shitting myself. I was praying so hard no one else would notice. I never felt so close to death in my entire life.”

“Not the boner, Len,” she said. “I mean, I didn’t notice that either but—the flirting. I meant the flirting.”

“Oh.”

“I just thought your pants were really stiff or something.”

“Aha… well.”

Rin smacked her palm against her forehead again. “I can’t believe it. I just thought you were teasing me for having to be a devil or whatever.”

“While that is quite hilarious, I was way too turned on by you at the photoshoot to mock the fact that we were dressed like the occult.”

She was defeated. That’s it? She’d been panicking over this for… nothing?

Wait. Wait a minute.

Meiko… Meiko had totally pushed her to do this, despite the chance of her getting rejected. Which meant…

Meiko totally knew Len felt the same way.

That… evil…!

“So, like, does this mean we’re dating, or…?” Len asked.

Rin turned beet red at the mention of dating. Dating Len. Wow. Wow. Just wow. Big fat wow.

“Y-yes?” she squeaked.

He grinned at her, a mischievous glint in his eye. “So, does that mean I can have you sit on me again?”

“Never mind I changed my mind—”

“Noooo—”

Rin smiled and sat forward, leaning across the table. She remembered the look on his face from the photoshoot, with his wide eyes staring up at her as she had leaned over him, playing with his hair. She wanted to see that look. She wanted to see it again.

Len gazed at her as she reached out and grabbed the collar of his shirt. She brought her face close to his. “Only if we go to your apartment after this. I haven’t cleaned mine for a month.”

“That’s disgusting,” he said into her face. “Sounds good.”

Then she kissed him on the lips.

It was awesome.

#vocaloid #fanfiction #kagamines #kagamine mirrors #rin kagamine #len kagamine #kagamine rin #kagamine len #rinlen #lenrin #rinxlen #lenxrin #vocaloid fanfiction #wrote this in one sitting and it shows #honestly this was like a crack fic basically #enjoy tho #omg had to go fix all my line breaks realised they Didnt compute #rip

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urmomsstuntdouble · 4 years

Note

if you’re okay with hetalia! I would love anything with the nyo!nordics they are absolutely my guilty pleasure. it can be shippy or familial or whatever else. I’m partial to stupid AUs like “they all work at the mall but don’t match their stores at all” and “iceland is into vocaloid” but you could also go the complete opposite direction and I’d be just as happy with high fantasy or whatever inspires you :)

here ya go i guess. sorry this took so long, i sort of got carried away with it and now it is Lorge. is it good? in character? who knows. anyway, i hope you enjoy :)

December 19, 20XX

After five years of living together, there were certain things Ylva had come to expect of her roommates. Harassment at work was nearly a given when one of them had a problem, whether it was Runa needing a place to sleep for the night or Maija needing to workshop material for her latest gig. Thankfully, Ylva worked at a Color Me Mine instead of a bank or something serious. And today was no exception to the Workplace Harassment Rule. At 7:32, Maija burst through the front door and charged over to where Ylva was filling bottles of glaze. If she were any other customer, someone might have something to say about it, but by now, every staff member was acquainted with her and found her charming. Some had even been disappointed to hear she was taken, though Ylva couldn't imagine why. Her girlfriend was a fucking nightmare.

“I need to paint some mugs,” Maija demanded, tossing the end of her scarf over her shoulder. Ylva didn't look up, didn't even take her headphones out of her ears.

“Cool.”

“For Tuli and Astrid. For Christmas.”

“There have been enough Color Me Mine presents circulated within our apartment already,” Ylva said. The bottle of glaze had been filled, and it was time to move on to the next one. It was butter yellow, almost the same shade as Maija’s hair.

“Okay, you’re not wrong, but if I order on Amazon, it’s not gonna come on time. Also, you’ll get paid this way.” Maija moved a clump of hair away from her forehead with delicate fingers, as though it were made of glass. Ylva snorted, cracking open the yellow glaze.

“My knight in shining armor,” She said, “It’s not like this place is going under.” Quite the contrary, in fact. This close to Christmas, the place was packed as people scrambled to make gifts for their loved ones. Dumbasses. When they rushed the place, it was nearly impossible to get everyone’s stuff through the kiln in time for Christmas.

“Okay, well, have you considered that I’m your girlfriend?” Maija said, giving her best puppy dog eyes. Ylva rolled her eyes, trying to suppress the warmth she felt inside, and shrugged.

“I’d like to not pay rent next month,” She said, “Make that your Christmas present to me. Instead of paying my share of the rent, I get to pay off my student loans.” Maija rolled her eyes, but shifted closer to Ylva.

“Done, if I can make them mugs.”

“Fine.” Ylva glanced up at Maija. “Your hair looks cute today.”

“Oh, thanks! I’ve actually been wearing a hat all day, so I was worried it would look ugly, but…Anyway. So, I sent Runa some tickets to my show on Saturday, but I haven’t heard back from her. Do you know if she’s, like, alright?” Once again, Ylva had to shrug.

“Runa’s a big girl, she can handle herself.”

“I know, but I get so worried about her. Like, what if some handsome boy seduces her and she runs away from home, and-”

“My sister? Run away with a boy?” Ylva had to laugh. “Are you high?” Of all the reasons Runa had to run away from their mother’s house, a boy was not one of them. She’d be more likely to start her own brand of sweaters or write a TV show for Netflix, but never once had Runa talked about boys.

“Whatever. Is she doing okay?”

“I think so. I’ve been sending her money for a couple weeks, so I know she’s not starving.” Ylva had to take comfort in that. The truth was, she hadn’t heard from her sister in a while, and it was becoming unnerving. But if she got anxious about it, so would Maija, and an anxious Maija was no fun to deal with.

“Besides, when has she ever missed one of your shows?” Runa made it a point to go whenever one of them had a gig. She was always in the front row when Ylva’s band, Lithium, was playing, and always somewhere in the room when Maija was doing “comedy.” Cringing along with the rest of the audience.

“That’s true. I just wanna make sure she’s safe, you know?” Ylva nodded. It was a feeling she knew all too well. Looking after Runa defined her middle school career.

“What sort of mugs do you want?” She asked, changing the subject. She was tired of talking about her sister, tired of thinking about all the ways Runa could end up dead in a ditch. Or dead some other way, like drugs or if she ate scallops, which she was allergic to, or if she got too close to some birds while trying to take a picture and got hit by a car.

“Oh, um, I think Tuli likes the round ones.”

“All mugs are round,” Ylva snorted. Her manager probably wouldn’t notice if she wandered away to paint mugs with Maija. She stopped pretending to fill bottles of glaze and stowed the refills under the table, where they usually lived, and guided Maija over to the selection of paintable ceramics.

“This is what I mean,” Maija said, grabbing a mug from the top shelf. Ylva enjoyed the way her hoodie moved, how the fabric straightened against her waist while she rose to her toes. The mug in question was wide at the bottom, but the sides slowly curved up to the top, not unlike a sugar pot. It was cute, and exactly the sort of mug Tuli would like.

“Oh,” Ylva said, “That’s cute. I think Astrid would like that one.” She pointed at another mug on the top shelf, and took pleasure in watching her girlfriend stretch to reach it. Over the next few hours, Maija painted the mugs. Her efforts to be artistic were sincere, but it was clear she didn't have the attention span. As always, Maija never stopped rambling and never stopped making jokes out of everything. By now, Ylva was immune to most of it, although she did laugh at the occasional joke while picking bits of clay dust out from under her fingernails. Once most of the customers had left, she kicked up her boots on the table, which was mostly an excuse to show off her fishnet leggings to Maija.

“I think I’m done,” Maija said a couple hours later, paintbrush between her teeth as she stared down at her work. Both mugs were sloppily painted, but Ylva could see what they were supposed to be. Astrid’s was a reference-less portrait of her dog on one side, with cherry blossoms covering the rest of the mug, and Tuli’s had a rainbow painted along the handle and a bunch of Pokemon adorning the outside. Well, Pokemon via the brush of an ill-experienced painter. There were some that erred more to the side of horrific than cute, but Ylva knew what Maija was going for.

“They look like shit,” She said, “They’re gonna love them.”

“Hey!”

“You can’t tell me this is supposed to be Eevee,” She said, tapping what looked like a bear on the side of Tuli’s mug. Maija’s face fell, a pout gracing her lips.

“It was supposed to be a Pikachu.”

“That’s talent, I guess,” Ylva said, “Or lack thereof. Don’t worry, you’re talented in other areas.” She tacked on at the end, when Maija’s pout increased.

“Well, that’s rude. Can we go do the glaze now?”

“They’re already glazed,” Ylva said, “The next coat is just to protect them when they go in the kiln. But you can come.” The pair stood up, and made their way to the back room, where Ylva removed her fishnet gloves and dunked each mug in the pre-kiln glaze, then set them aside to dry. Before she could put her gloves back on, Maija snatched one of her hands.

“I need my hand,” She complained, but allowed Maija to press a kiss to her knuckles and pull her into a hug. It was nice, after a day on her feet, to lean against someone she loved.

“This is nice,” Maija murmured, breath warm against her neck. Ylva shivered at the feeling, and though she wanted to rub her face further into Maija’s shoulder, she couldn’t walk out of the back room with smudged eyeliner, so she stayed put.

“How was your day today?” Ylva asked, her voice muffled somewhat by the hoodie.

“Long,” Maija said, “Feels like yesterday was years ago, and I didn't do anything the whole time. You?”

“I’ve been at work,” Ylva said, closing her eyes. She could almost ignore the ache in her feet when she focussed on how warm Maija was and the pressure of arms on her back.

“Mm,” Maija hummed, “When do the mugs go in the kiln?”

“When they’re dry,” Ylva mumbled, swaying slightly. She missed this. Even though she was done with school, no one else in the apartment was. Finals week was almost done, though- Which reminded her, Maija really needed to be studying. She had a test tomorrow. Eh, she’d already spent two hours painting mugs. A few more minutes spent hugging wouldn't hurt.

“That’s annoying,” Maija said, her voice high and soft. Her sentence was punctuated with a yawn, and Ylva was glad her face was hidden, because how dare someone make a sound so cute. The smile on her face would become a target for mockery, and go straight to Maija’s ego.

“My shift ends soon,” Ylva said, clenching her fingers in the back of Maija’s hoodie.

“Yeah.”

“The car’s not far.”

“Thought Tuli took the car to school today,” Maija mumbled, straight into some of Ylva’s hair.

“Astrid got them an Uber,” Ylva said. This was where it was at, even though Maija was insufferable most of the time. Conversations that meant nothing, hugs, and the comfortable familiarity of someone she’d loved for a long time. But, technically, she was still on the job. So she pulled away, gave Maija’s hand a quick squeeze, and left the back room feeling energized.

December 20, 20XX

“Do you think I should dye my hair?” Maija asked, leaning heavily against the shopping cart.

“Mm. It could look cute. What color are you thinking?” Tuli asked, not pausing in her examination of the supermarket’s selection of spices. Maija clicked her tongue, and ran her hand through some heavily gelled hair.

“Oh, you know. Blue and pink are the classic colors, but what if I got, like, green or something? That would be pretty neat.” Tuli plucked something from the shelf and returned to the cart.

“But: Are you biased to dye it green right now because green is a Christmas color?” Hm, that was a good point.

“I don't think so?” Maija said, “I mean, green’s a nice color.”

“That it is,” Tuli agreed, and laid a hand on the shopping cart. “What else did they tell us to get?” Maija pulled a crumpled up list of ingredients out of her back pocket, and read over them. From the looks of the shopping cart, most of it had already been gathered.

“Uh, craisins. And…those sprinkles that are actually eyes?”

“Oh!” Tuli smiled, “I put that. I wanted to put them on cupcakes, but then I didn't really plan anything else, so…I guess I’ll just end up eating a bunch of eyeball sprinkles. Or maybe someone else will do something with them.” Tuli shrugged, and brushed some hair out of her eyes. “So. Craisins.”

“Craisins ahoy,” Maija replied, though she wasn't sure what Craisins ahoy actually meant. To her knowledge, most Christmas meals did not include craisins, but when Ylva and Astrid were in the kitchen, she did not question them. They were magicians of the culinary persuasion, except for when Astrid tried to say that bananas on pizza were good. No, Maija hadn't tried it, she would not try it, and it was not good. End of discussion.

“Craisins,” Tuli agreed, and turned away to search for them, leaving Maija to follow behind with the cart. Though they were out for craisins, both of them had a habit of picking up interesting foods, sharing it with the other, and deciding if it was actually worth buying. Jalapeno chocolates? Yes, but we can't tell the others it’s spicy. Mango flavored tea? Not actually that interesting, but the box was pretty.

“Hey, Tuli,” Maija asked while they were waiting in line at the checkout.

“Mm?”

“Do you like Pokemon?”

“Oh, yeah! I was super competitive on the Pokemon scene in middle school. I was one of, like, three kids who actually knew how the card game worked,” She said.

“I didn't know I was in the presence of royalty,” Maija teased. Tuli gave a soft laugh, and adjusted her hoodie.

“Plot twist,” Tuli said, “I’m actually both Jessie and James, smashed into one body.” She laughed at her own joke, though it wasn't funny. Maija gave her a pity laugh though.

“Oh, move the cart up,” Maija said, and Tuli did, pulling the cart after her. The store was super crowded today- Probably not the wisest idea to save the shopping until this close to the holiday, but oh well. At least Maija had gifts for everyone this year. She was rather proud of that. It was worthy of straightening her bow tie- If she had been wearing a bow tie, that is. She should get more of those. Insufficient bow ties was an excellent description of her wardrobe. Unfortunately.

All in all, the trip to the store lasted about two and a half hours. Not too shabby for a pre-Christmas haul, if Maija had anything to say about it, and soon enough, they were back home. Ylva was out at work, and Astrid was busy working on her thesis, so the pair set about to silently put all the new groceries away. Once that was done, they traipsed off to their respective rooms. Maija knew she had to work on her new set, but couldn't think of anything funny. Literally, hours went by and she was still staring at the same blank screen. How fun.

Eventually, she got bored and sent Astrid the link to a YouTube video called i sword fight my ex gf in a denny’s parking lot with the caption omg this is so us!!1!. A couple minutes later she was rewarded with the word Blocked, despite not actually getting blocked. Love you too bab <3. No response. At least Ylva thought she was sort of funny. Or at least, funny enough to go to her shows. Did Ylva actually think she was funny? As if they hadn't had that conversation before. But, Ylva was on her mind, so Ylva she would text. babe. A couple minutes passed before the response of what.

am i funny

You’re the courtiest of court jesters. i lose my spleen laughing every time i go to one of your shows.

Though Ylva still had her spleen, the message was reassuring.

should i dye my hair

Idc, its not my hair. A pause. also i got your dumb mugs

yay!

Ah, punctuation. Noice. Ttyl. Maija sighed at that, and returned to staring blankly at her laptop. Maybe she could write some jokes about her weird, not-quite-rivalry with Astrid. Or her relationship? Something didn't sit right with her about mocking her girlfriend on stage. It was only funny when Ylva could mock her back. And that was how Maija wound up watching clips of various comedians until the evening rolled around and Ylva came home.

“Hey,” Maija said, “Tell me what to write about.” Ylva paused for a second, taking off her coat and boots.

“How girls always dye their hair blond but do it so you can see their roots.”

“What?”

“‘Cause they’re, like, into beauty but half ass it when it comes to their hair,”

Ylva said, “It’s irony or whatever.” Maija didn't think the idea was that good, but stowed it away in her mind, just in case.

“Thanks, luv,” She said in her poshest English accent.

“Nobody with that accent says luv,” Ylva told her, “It’s not an upper class Londoner thing.”

“Upper class London can suck my dick,” Maija mumbled, “And thanks. Love.” Apparently saying the word “love” in her regular voice was enough to tinge Ylva’s cheeks pink. That was cute.

“Whatever,” She muttered, and brushed past Maija into their room. Ylva crashed on their bed, face down.

“Tired?” Maija asked, and she nodded.

“But the M-U-G-S are in my backpack.”

“That word is too short for you to spell out like that.” Ylva only stuck out her tongue.

“I’d fuck this bed if I could,” she mumbled, “So soft.”

“Consider yourself kinkshamed,” Maija said, taking a seat beside her. She wound one hand into Ylva’s hair, combing it out with her fingers. Ylva had such pretty hair. It was already blond, but with a liberal application of dye, she was silver-haired. Except for the side of her head that was shaved, where little golden tufts reigned supreme.

“There are worse kinks to shame, but alright,” Ylva said, “But I don't need to tell you about that.” Maija choked on her breath, heat rising to her cheeks.

“I- What?! What are you trying to say?” Ylva tilted her head to the side. Somehow she was both exhausted and playful, and the combination was not doing great things for Maija’s heart.

“Oh, nothing,” Ylva teased, kicking one leg in the air. “I just know you, is all.” Maija withdrew her hand and gave Ylva a light shove, only for Ylva to drag it back.

“No, just…Just stay here,” She mumbled, so Maija did, though not without workshopping her material until Ylva was no longer in the mood to fuck the bed. Although she could feel Ylva getting annoyed, at least she was laughing.

December 21, 20XX

Tuli scanned the room once again, wondering if she had gone to the right place. Maija’s shows were always at the same comedy club, but what if things were different this time? What if she made a mistake by ordering a cocktail? If this was the wrong place, it was probably too late to make it to the actual one. Would Maija be mad if she missed the show? Probably not, right? Yeah, it was just a simple misunderstanding. She checked her phone again, and it sure looked like she was in the right place, but what if-

“Tuli,” A voice said from behind, and when she glanced up, she was relieved to see Astrid behind her.

“Oh, Astrid! Sorry, I didn't see you come in.” She stood up, and pulled a chair away from the table for her wife. Astrid flashed her a tiny smile, and sat down, though she scooted herself in.

“There’s nothin’ to be sorry for,” Astrid said, her voice rolling over Tuli in a calming wave.

“Yeah. Anyway, do you want something to drink?” Astrid shook her head, causing her long hair to shimmer in the low light. One of her jobs was modelling, and for her most recent shoot, pink hair had been in order. Where her hair was usually a pale golden shade, it was now a faded bubblegum color at the ends, and Tuli loved it. She had suggested dying all of it pink, but apparently that was more than Astrid was willing to do. It was a bit of a commitment for someone with hair as long as her’s. Still, her wife looked cute enough with pink hair that Tuli was considering dying her own blond locks.

“Not two nights in a row.” The previous night, Astrid had attended a Christmas party for work, and had more to drink than was wise.

“You’re such a grandma,” Tuli teased, running one foot up Astrid’s leg under the table. Astrid’s slight shiver made her smile, though she tried to hide it by taking a long sip of her drink.

“Hey,” Another voice said from her other side, breaking the soft air between the two women. Ylva had arrived, it seemed, decked out in leather and fishnets, with only the most extreme eye makeup on.

“Hey, how are you?” Tuli greeted her with a warm smile, though Ylva did not return it.

“I’m alright. Don’t really want to see Maija embarrass herself again, but it seems to be her passion.”

“Oh, don’t say that!” Tuli gasped, “She’s not that bad!”

“She’s not that good either,” Astrid mumbled, leaning forward to rest her chin on her hand.

“You guys are so mean!” Tuli said, mocking offense. In her heart, she knew Maija wasn’t particularly good at delivering a joke, but she didn’t want to be rude about it in a space where Maija could hear.

“I’m allowed to be mean to her, she’s my girlfriend,” Ylva said, and kicked her legs up on the table. Tuli rolled her eyes, letting the meanness thing slide.

“You should be wearing pants right now,” She said, “You’ll freeze!” Though she wore knee high boots, fishnets and red denim shorts couldn’t protect her from the cold.

“I drove here, it’s fine. Relax, mom,” Ylva said.

“Okay, but if you get too cold-”

“It’s a great time for you to get preachy,” Astrid mumbled. Tuli blushed, though she wasn’t wrong. Her dress was better suited for the warmer seasons.

“I have a flannel in my purse,” She mumbled.

“That’s gay,” Ylva deadpanned, scrolling through her phone. Tuli rolled her eyes. At least one of them had the sense to dress for the weather. Astrid had on knee high boots that looked like they belonged to a high fantasy video game, olive green jeans tucked into her boots, and a gray sweater dress that hugged her narrow frame. She was lovely, or at least Tuli thought so.

For the next couple minutes, the three sat in relatively comfortable silence. Tuli had to wonder how Ylva was comfortable sitting with her knees in her chest, but she let it go. Astrid pulled her laptop out of her backpack and got started on some of her homework. Tuli had always liked the idea of grad school, but after seeing the toll it took on her roommates, she began to second guess it. Astrid would be paying off her student loans for the rest of time, and Maija would be saddled in debt after the heat death of the universe. At least the loans made for good comedy on occasion.

By the time the lights dimmed and the first comedian took to the stage, Tuli had grown bored, and was watching Astrid work over her shoulder. She was working on her thesis. It wasn't due until May, but she’d already started over from scratch twice since she started. When the lights went down, Astrid paused her typing, then lowered the brightness and started typing. She worked all through the first comedian’s set. He had some funny things to say, and some things that were more offensive than humorous. Overall, Tuli was more invested in her drink and checking over her shoulder to see if Runa was there yet.

When Maija came on, as the third act of the night, Astrid moved her laptop away from herself on the table, paying more attention. While Ylva didn’t set her phone down, she did look up from it.

“Has she already done this set in public?” Astrid asked, and Ylva shook her head.

“No, it’s fresh. She calls it a Christmas special. Must be why there’s so many stupid Santa jokes.”

“I like the Santa jokes,” Tuli said, though she wasn't really paying attention to Maija. She was listening, but tracing circles in the condensation on her glass.

“She might just be bombing,” Ylva said, a slight upturn in her lips. “You suck!” She shouted, interrupting the show. Maija paused, the smile dropping from her face as she looked out at the crowd. Her eyes were wide for a minute, then when she noticed Ylva, a smile crossed her face.

“Says the emo in the corner. Hey, did anyone tell you it’s not 2006 anymore? My condolences, but My Chemical Romance is dead.” That brought on a couple laughs, and Maija launched into a whole spiel about Hot Topic, all while staring straight at Ylva. Tuli shook her head- The whole thing was ridiculous. How Maija was funnier when she was improvising, how she needed Ylva’s help to do that. But Ylva didn't seem to mind, as she hugged herself and grinned up at the stage, saying nothing as her girlfriend dragged her through the mud. Not long after Maija began to deviate from the emo jokes, someone stomped over to their table and plopped down in an empty seat, then buried her shaved head in her arms. Ylva’s attention was immediately diverted from the stage, and onto the girl next to her.

“Runa?” She whispered, and laid her hand on the girl’s arm. The girl looked up, and holy shit, it was Runa. Tuli tried not to eavesdrop when they began speaking in hushed whispers, but couldn’t help but overhear a couple things. Failure, mother, homeless? And also college, driver’s license, weed. All that set her heart racing, but she tried to pay attention to Maija anyhow. Astrid, who was also peering over at Runa, took her hand, and gave a comforting squeeze.

When her set was over, Maija gave a dramatic bow and tipped her hat, then scurried off the stage. She returned a moment later to put the microphone back on it’s stand, which got a couple laughs. Tuli wondered if that had been on purpose. Shortly after, Maija made her way over to the table. She spun around the last empty chair and sat down, crossing her arms over the back.

“Hey guys,” She said, a little breathless, “How’d I do?”

“No better or worse than usual, I think,” Astrid said, pushing her glasses further up her nose.

“You were fine,” Ylva said, reaching across the table to pat her arm. The table was too wide, though, and her arms were too short, so she only managed to swipe at the air.

“Thanks,” Maija said, “Hey, Runa, glad you could make it.”

“Oh, yeah,” Runa said, her voice tiny. She had her arms crossed, and seemed to shrink in on herself a little. “You were cool.”

“Cool.” Maija smiled, “How’re you doing? Haven’t seen you in a while. And you cut your hair!” Runa shrugged, one hand coming up to her head, almost as if to tuck some hair behind her ear before she realized it was no longer there.

“Yeah, I guess I wanted a new look.”

“Well I like it,” Maija said, “It’s cool.”

“It’s a little messy,” Ylva said.

“Someone else is on stage, guys,” Astrid piped up, gesturing forward. All five of them looked up, dumb expressions on their face. They were, in fact, talking over someone’s set.

“Shit,” Maija said, not lowering her voice at all, “Do you guys wanna get out of here?”

“Can we?” Runa asked, looking hopeful.

“But we just got here,” Tuli complained, “Wouldn’t it be rude to-”

“Well, as we have just noticed, we are talking over someone’s set, so I think we should have this conversation in the lobby,” Ylva said, and that was something they could all agree on, so the group packed up their things and left the main area of the comedy club.

“Sorry to make you guys leave,” Runa mumbled, balling her fists in the ends of her sleeves.

“It’s okay,” Ylva said, “I can drive you home if you want.”

“I don't want to go back to mom’s house,” Runa said.

“Well, you’re always welcome at our apartment,” Maija said, playing with a piece of hair that had fallen into her face. “Can I ask who cut your hair? It’s so cute, and-”

“I did,” Runa said, “Thanks.” Though Maija was entertaining her with discussions of her hair, Tuli couldn't help but worry. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, and began typing out a message to Astrid. Do you think she’s ok? Astrid glanced down at her upon checking her phone. Idk. No way for me to know. She paused for a moment, then began typing again. Also, I watched you type that. Tuli shifted so she could get a better look at Astrid, and sent her a goofy expression. She was rewarded with a smug smile and a hand on her shoulder. Tuli shifted closer to her, until they were almost touching, with the hope that Astrid might put an arm around her shoulder, but to no avail. That was what she got for not asking, but it didn't seem appropriate with Ylva and Maija vying for Runa’s attention.

“I’ll talk to her later, okay?” Runa said, “I just need a place to stay for Christmas, and after that I’ll be out of your business forever.”

“I never said I wanted you out of my business forever,” Ylva said, her voice betraying some anger.

“Okay,” Runa said, though the indication of her tone was that it was not, in fact, okay.

“Okay,” Tuli butted in, “Runa needs a place to stay, and we have one, so that’s the problem solved. Let’s go home, I can make dinner, and-”

“‘S my turn,” Astrid said, “I’ll make dinner.”

“Sure, whatever,” Ylva said, “Is that okay with you, Runa?” Her sister shrugged, but nodded, in the ultimate mixed message.

“Dope! Alright, so you guys wanna go?” Maija said, gesturing to the door. As that was the general consensus, the group began to make their way out. Just as they were on their way out, a man came up to the group.

“Hey, I saw your set,” He said, talking only to Maija. “Maija, right?”

“Yep, that’s me!” She said, putting on a voice eerily similar to Tuli’s customer service voice.

“Well, you’re really funny, and I was wondering if you might like to go out with me sometime.” Maija’s face went a deep red, and her fists clenched at her sides

“Um, thanks, but-”

“Have you ever heard of a straight woman with a rat tail?” Ylva asked, and threw her arm around Maija’s waist.

“If you have, I’d actually like to meet her.” Neither of them noticed, but Runa seemed to wince, pulling her arms even tighter around herself. Her cheeks had gone red, but the door hadn't been open long enough for it to be attributed to the cold.

“Oh, shit. Sorry, uh, you don't look gay.”

“I’m-” Maija sputtered, “This is my girlfriend. But I’m sure you’re- You’re very sexy to some. Thanks- Thanks for coming to my show, bye!” Tuli felt bad for laughing, but Ylva clearly didn't. She cackled, in fact, as they filed out the door and away to their car.

“But you should really get rid of the rat tail,” She told Maija, and Tuli couldn't agree more.

“It’s a part of my look!” Maija whined, running a hand through her hair. Though she had employed copious amounts of gel to preserve a coiffed look, it was mostly falling apart by now.

“Yer look is…You should change it,” Astrid said snidely.

“What’s wrong with it?” Maija asked, walking backwards so she could face Astrid, although she kept one hand firmly in Ylva’s.

“The rat tail, f’r one. Yer hair’s a mess, clothes never match, and-”

“We can't all be models, Astrid.”

“She’s got a point,” Ylva said.

“You’re all bullies!” Maija whined, turning back around. “I can't believe my own lover would betray me like this.”

“I said what I said,” Ylva said, seeming unbothered, though she yelped when Maija attacked her with a side hug.

“You guys are so loud!” Runa whined, hands now in her pockets.

“It never ends,” Tuli warned, though her tone was jovial, “You’re lucky Ylva’s already graduated.”

“Don’t remind me,” Astrid said, her cheeks paler than usual. Tuli chuckled softly at the memories- Ylva was probably the worst student out of the lot of them, and college had been a stressful time for her. Where Tuli wanted to rip out her hair sometimes, Ylva actually had. It was actually concerning how many times someone had found Ylva crying with fists full of blond hair. Not that college hadn't been stressful for all of them. Tuli was set to graduate in May, and her experiences had made her question grad school.

Though she was only a year younger than Astrid, she was further behind in school, due to her gap years. They had known each other for a long time, and had been together since high school, but Tuli had never seen Astrid more stressed out than when she was applying to PhD programs. Stress remained simmering ever since, but Tuli wasn't sure if she was willing to put herself through that. She would probably be fine getting a job at a museum or something, given her major of theology.

The group reached the car, only for Ylva and Maija to break out into an argument over who would drive home. Both claimed the car to be theirs, even though it was actually Astrid who paid for most of it. Ylva won out in the end, and she continued arguing with Maija the whole time. Runa seemed mortified by the whole ordeal, but Tuli didn't want to prod. Once they got home, Astrid fulfilled her promise of cooking dinner, and they enjoyed a round of extremely loud conversation, as was typical of their household, before Maija started drinking to celebrate her set. Though the air in the room was jovial, everyone was tired, and they somehow managed to get to bed before the time became ungodly.

December 22, 20XX

Saturdays. There should have been more stuff on Twitter, given that it was a Saturday. More people- Ylva, Maija, Tuli, Astrid- should have been out, given that it was a Saturday, but no. Weren’t you supposed to go out and party every night when it was a Saturday night? Four college kids sitting around the living room drinking wine and knitting and watching TV wasn't what Runa had expected when she crashed with Ylva. Weren't there places to go, things to do?

Instead, she had a pillow under her chest and her phone clenched in her hand as she laid on the floor, watching the nth consecutive episode of Sense8. How was there so much of a show that only went on for two seasons?

“So wait, is he actually there?” Maija asked. Ylva sighed, and paused the show to explain every detail of the situation. That was how, Runa thought. She turned her face into the floor, scraping her nose against the rug. Her neck thanked her for relieving it of the odd position she had been in previously. As Ylva prattled on about the ins and outs of Sense8, Runa brought a hand up to stroke her newly shorn head. She couldn't stop touching it- Although she sort of wanted to, it was getting greasy. Her hair had never been so short, and she didn't know what to think of it. It wasn't exactly uncomfortable, but she didn't know how to feel now that her hair didn't rest against her shoulders.

But it didn't matter. Her hair didn't matter, right? All that mattered was that she got into Princeton. She was smart, and she was going to Princeton, and she had a place to stay until Christmas. What am I doing? Sleeping on her sister’s couch while avoiding her mom wasn't something to be proud of, but it was all she had. But a song she liked was part of the soundtrack, so she turned onto her side, and watched the show. Maija was right, it was really confusing, but at least the soundtrack was alright.

Eventually, Runa redirected her attention to social media, blindly scrolling through various apps until there was nothing left to scroll through. Finally, she resorted to scrolling through her own Instagram page. She only had twenty posts, and eleven of them were of birds, with eight of those being pictures of her pet parakeet, named Puffin. Ylva teased her about it when they were kids, but it wasn't her fault puffins were the only bird she knew. Fortunately, since then, Runa had become more educated on the dopeness of birds. Scrolling through her own page didn't help, though. She was only reminded of how Puffin was dead. Maybe she could get another bird when she was at Princeton, if they let students have birds.

“Runa?” The sound of her name caught her attention, and she jolted into a sitting position. Ylva stood at the end of the couch, staring down at her with a blank expression.

“Where’s everyone else?”

“Maija’s in the shower, and we’re out of toilet paper, so Tuli went to get some. Astrid’s right there.” Astrid was, indeed, right there. She sat cross legged in an armchair, brows furrowed as she worked on some knitting, though there was a half empty glass of wine next to her. As if on cue, Astrid looked up.

“Hi, Runa,” She mumbled, and went back to her knitting.

“Hey,” Runa said, “What’s up?”

“Can I talk to you in the other room?” Ylva asked, by which she meant her bedroom. Runa couldn't really say no, so she got up and followed Ylva to the bedroom.

“Are you okay?” Ah, the age old question. Would she ever learn how to answer it in a way that didn't launch a whole discussion? Experts remain puzzled.

“I guess,” Runa shrugged, “I had a fight with mom. But it was really stupid,” Runa mumbled, and it really was. Things hadn't been going her way lately was all. She was eighteen, and every day her mom dropped hints that she’d be kicked out soon. But apparently, being eighteen didn't mean she could smoke weed or hug a boy- Even though she wasn't sure she even liked boys. And then she got to learn that her best friend was moving to a whole different country, because apparently it was Oxford or bust for her mother, and she was leaving over break- Everything was so much. And, as any responsible adult could tell you, sex won’t solve any of your problems. So why did Runa think it would work?

“I don't care how stupid it was. You’re my little sister, I care about you.” Runa couldn't help but cringe at that.

“Half sister,” She reminded her.

“Half sisters are still sisters. What happened?” Ylva pressed, crossing her arms. She adopted a stern look, and even rose to her toes to appear more intimidating.

“It’s really nothing-”

“Bullshit, tell me the truth.”

“I just- I did something stupid, and…Will you hate me?” Runa asked. It felt irrational, but what if her sister saw her as some sort of…traitor? She wasn't even sure what she was scared of. Why did Ylva’s approval even matter? Even if Ylva decided she hated her, Maija liked her enough to let her stay…Right?

“I am legally not allowed to hate you,” Ylva said, and though it was meant to be a joke, Runa didn't feel comforted. The law was just a bunch of words, after all.

“Well, um. Mom and I got in a fight. I did something, she didn’t like it. I guess I knew she’d be mad, but I didn't think she’d be that mad. I deserved it, but-”

“Until I know what you did, it’s going to be hard for me to have an opinion,” Ylva said, finally coming down from her toes. Runa supposed she was right. It would probably be better to say something, but she didn't know how. Would it even be safe? Who knew.

“I smoked a lot of weed…”

“Everyone smokes weed.”

“I, um. Please never repeat this,” Runa asked. Once again, her arms came up to hold her body. It was almost protective. Ylva nodded, and reached out to grab one of her hands. She refused to be okay with limply holding Runa’s hand between her own, and squeezed so hard that Runa had to squeeze back, as a form of revenge.

“Um. My friend and I were smoking, you know, and…In the basement. And I sort of, um. I sort of did...” She paused, remembering. “You know.” Ylva’s eyes went wide, and she started nodding. That, coupled with what she’d just confessed to, had Runa’s cheeks burning.

“Alright. Getting it, that’s cool.”

“No it’s not!” Runa yelled. Absolutely none of it was cool. “Our friendship is over! Mom said she’d leave us alone, but then she came downstairs, and we were just- She wouldn't stop yelling, and I was- I was still on the floor, and, and-” She could feel tears welling up in her throat, but refused to acknowledge them. She wouldn’t cry. She hadn't cried when her mom was yelling, or during any argument since then. Or before it, for that matter. No, Runa Stelisdottir didn't cry. Except now she was, and Ylva was watching her.

“I hate Mom.” Runa wiped her nose, because she couldn't cry over this.

“Me too,” Ylva said, and it really ticked Runa off how calm she could stay about the whole thing.

“You don't get it,” She said, though she despised sounding like a teenager.

“You don't understand! Your life is so perfect, with your girlfriend and your apartment-”

“My life isn't perfect just because I have a girlfriend and an apartment,” Ylva said, but Runa wasn't listening at that point.

“Mom was always so nice to you, and- And you have so many friends! You don't get it, you can't get it, and mom’s not gonna let me come home, and I don't have anywhere to go, but you won't-” Runa hiccupped, and she couldn't. She started crying harder, sobs shaking her body.

“Runa-” Ylva’s hand came down on her shoulder, and though her touch was gentle, it was even more unnerving.

“Don't touch me!” She shook Ylva’s hand off her shoulder, and ran. Her hiding place seemed to be the laundry closet, where the washer and dryer hummed away in their neat little stack and color coded baskets- Blue, yellow, black, and red- almost filled the rest of the room. Runa sank to the floor, phone clenched in her hand. It wasn't her fault, she told herself. It was all her mom’s fault. If she didn't want her daughters to act out, she should’ve raised them not to.

Knowing that didn't stop her from crying, though, and cry she did. She was an embarrassment, having a temper tantrum like a little baby. But eventually, she cried herself to sleep. Uncomfortable, cramped sleep, with her neck resting at an unnatural angle against the dryer, but sleep nonetheless.

She woke hours later to the faint hum of the dryer and the muffled sound of hushed voices.

“I think she’s depressed,” said one woman. Ylva.

“Really? That’s pretty bad.” Maija.

“Yeah. I mean, she’s got parental issues out the ass and doesn’t even trust me when I’ve been more of a mom than our literal mother.”

“Well, I mean, maybe that’s part of why? And it doesn’t automatically mean she’s depressed.”

“She’s on her phone all day. And I know, I know I sound like a boomer, but that shit’s not good for you. She doesn't talk to anyone, and…you know, maybe you were right about her running away with a boy.”

“I thought she was, you know…”

“I did too, but I guess not.” Runa choked at that, pressing her ear against the door. Was this a regular occurrence, that they just- just gossiped about her?

“Eh, it doesn't matter. I just hope she doesn't get into anything harder than weed.”

“You know that thing about weed being a gateway drug is bullshit, right?” Maija said, “They just say that to scare kids out of doing drugs-”

“Is it really that bad of me to want her sober? I mean, I’m not, like, saying you should never do drugs, but-”

“No, it makes sense. It would really suck if she got arrested or something.”

“Yeah,” Ylva murmured, and the conversation seemed to pause for a minute. “I just- Why wouldn't she tell me about the shit she clearly has going on?” Runa cringed at that, and she wanted to cover her ears, but there was something inside her that demanded she keep listening.

“Well, you said yourself that she doesn't really trust you,” Maija said. Runa wanted to rip her hair out. No! That wasn't it at all- Did they really think that poorly of her? Of course she trusted Ylva! It was Ylva who didn’t trust her, and only played the sisters card when things were going badly.

“She doesn't,” Ylva agreed, “And I sort of get it, ‘cause high school sucks, but since she doesn’t talk to me, I have to assume the worst.” Oh, come on. She talked to Ylva plenty.

“Yeah,” Maija hummed, “Do you think-”

“Runa doesn't care what I think.”

“I’m sure she does. But I’m not Runa.”

“It would be pretty weird if you were,” Ylva said, then paused. “I’m glad you’re not.” At that point, Runa couldn't keep listening. Her hand came up to the doorknob, and she was about to open it when Maija spoke again.

“Hey, it won't be that long before she’s out of your hair.”

“Yeah.” Ylva sighed, and the tone she said it in made Runa shiver. Like she was a temporary form of entertainment, or an obstacle, or- “At least I’ve got you.” She burst out of the laundry closet to find Maija sitting on the counter, one arm around Ylva, both with mugs in hand.

“Stop talking about me!” Runa shouted, and took a moment to relish in their surprise before she spun around and ran out of the apartment- A terrible idea, since she didn't really know the area. Her wallet and phone charger were in her backpack, which she had left behind. But she wasn't here to make good choices, apparently. No, she was there to anger her sister then leave all her shit behind after she had pissed off her mom.

Runa made her way into the lobby of the building, ready to leave, but the snow falling from a pitch black sky made her pause. Maybe she could find some storage room to spend the night in. According to her phone, though, she'd already spent most of the night in Ylva’s laundry room. And it was technically Sunday, so most people probably wouldn't be up and about for a while. So Runa set about wandering the first floor of the building- Not that there was much to wander- until she came across a door labelled T. It housed a dumpster and a recycling bin, both of which were empty. Sure, Runa thought, I can stay here. Besides, she was tired, and what harm was there in sitting down for a couple minutes? So she did, hiding behind the dumpster. Eventually, she managed to fall asleep, although her new position was no more favorable to her neck than the last.

December 23, 20XX

There was a certain sort of silence that came the morning after a heavy snowfall. It was a silence that Astrid found very peaceful, when accompanied by the correct lighting. Unfortunately, this morning was not one of them, which made waking up a lot easier. Though it would be more fun to stay in bed all day, there were things to do. Okay, she was getting up…now. Now. Okay, hug Tuli a little tighter, then…Awake! She reached across Tuli, still asleep, and felt around the nightstand for her glasses. Once she grabbed them and shoved them up her nose, she pushed herself up into a sitting position. There, Astrid combed her fingers through her hair, contemplated braiding it, but ultimately decided she could do that later, and rolled out of bed.

Upon emerging from the room she shared with Tuli, she spotted two things. One, the couch was empty, and two, her knitting basket was out of place. Instead of dealing with either of those things, though, she meandered over to the kitchen and pulled some mugs from the cabinet. She liked her own coffee black, so she didn't touch it before pouring her own mug, but for some reason, her roommates liked theirs with all sorts of flair. She left the remaining mugs on the counter and leaned against the sink. While she waited for her coffee to cool to a drinkable temperature, Astrid removed the filter from the coffee maker and tossed it in the garbage can. I should probably take out the trash, it’s getting kind of full. But then she’d have to put pants on…Eh, it would give her coffee time to cool off.

Astrid returned to the room, threw on a hoodie and a pair of running shorts, and after a moment’s thought, grabbed her phone. She grabbed the trash, replaced the bag, and slid into their Community Crocs, which were generally used for getting the mail or taking out the trash when nobody felt like putting on actual shoes. She checked her phone, saw that Maija had sent her a series of deep fried memes, and clicked away from Instagram. Maija sending her memes at four am was the least of her worries when it came to online harassment- Yet it somehow managed to be the most annoying. Astrid did modelling work as one way of paying for her degree, and apparently the rainbow flag and diamond ring in her bio weren't enough to deter the advances of the general public.

The elevator reached the first floor, and Astrid shuffled out, blinking in the bright lights of the lobby. With the trash bag slung over her shoulder, she felt like a woman on a mission- And she was, sort of, but in her head it was more along the lines of Stealth and Adventure. Maybe it could be, in her head. In an alternate world where spies take out the trash…

Or. In the regular world, where there might have been a dead body next to the dumpster. That was fun, and also the beginning of a cop show. Astrid dropped the bag in the dumpster, and kneeled down to get a better look- Or, in the regular world, where Runa was hopefully sleeping next to the dumpster.

“Runa?” She asked, shaking the girl on the floor. “Runa, are ya okay? Alive?” After a moment, the girl became awake, yelping and leaping away.

“Whatthefuckareyoudoing!?” She shrieked, then seemed to notice Astrid. “Oh. Uh. Hey, Astrid.” She made a move with her hand, as if to adjust her hair. Her cheeks only grew a deeper pink when she remembered she had none.

“Hey, Runa,” Astrid echoed, “What the fuck ‘re you doin’?”

“Oh, um.” Runa stared at the ground, her knuckles going white as she gripped her cell phone.

“Are ya okay?” Astrid asked once again, adjusting her glasses. Runa shrugged.

“I mean- I don't know.” She paused. “Can I tell you something?” Astrid nodded.

“Well, I, um. I kind of eavesdropped on my sister and Maija talking about me. Rudely.”

“Maija’ll do that. Ylva too, but less,” Astrid said. She sat back, leaning against the wall. “D’ya wanna talk about it?” Runa shrugged, leaning back against the dumpster.

“What even is there to say?”

“Not talkin’ about it is horse shit,” Astrid said, “Stuff happens, usually not great.”

“I think Ylva hates me,” Runa murmured. She ran a hand through her hair, and tipped her head back against the dumpster. “And our mom.”

“Why?”

“Well, mom hates me because I like getting high, I like to drive, and because I, um. Will you judge me if I tell you about something I did?” Astrid shook her head. Not because she wasn't judgemental, but because she didn't really care. From the way Runa was talking, it was just regular problems that seemed so much bigger to her because she was young. And everyone had those sorts of problems, so who was Astrid to judge?

“Don't really care ‘bout your probl’ms. No offense, but I’ve got my own issues to worry ‘bout.” Runa nodded, seeming to understand, then launched into an explanation.

“So, I have this friend, Li, and she’s pretty cool, but she’s moving away. To London. For college. ‘Cause of some weird custody battle that I don't really get. But then it’s like…She’s leaving me behind! And I’m- I don't- It’s weird, okay?” Runa spoke defensively, yet Astrid didn't know a single teenage girl named Li. Let alone one who was moving to London. “And we have this other friend, Noah. And his family’s also kind of weird, but that’s mostly his sister. Anyway, um. I don't know, there was this weird tension, and now Li’s gone, so I, um. Made out with Noah?”

“Why?”

“I don't know!” Runa said, “Why did I tell you that?” Astrid shrugged.

“Because 'm quiet, therefore ’m not a gossip, therefore ’m trustworthy?” Runa’s face scrunched up as she considered the possibility.

“Huh. But then my mom walked in on us, and Noah left, and we had a fight. Then his sister said we weren't allowed to hang out anymore, and my mom took my driver’s license away. And then I shaved my head, and we had another fight, and…Well, then it was now.”

“So ye’ve been busy,” Astrid said, “Sorry. ‘Bout your friends.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Runa said. “I still don't get why I told you that?” Astrid shrugged.

“Ye don't have to. But ye probably should tell yer sister.”

“That would be humiliating,” Runa complained, hugging her knees. “She makes me feel dumb.”

“Yer not dumb,” Astrid said. “Ya know, I’ve got some little nieces ‘round your age ya might like to be friends with.”

“Oh, um. Cool?” Runa said, though her tone indicated she couldn't care less. Perhaps Astrid hadn't presented it the right way. Whatever. Her nieces were menaces to society anyhow.

“D’ya want me to talk to Ylva for ya?” She suggested. Hopefully that didn't make her sound like a poser, or whatever. But Ylva was probably concerned, and she could probably help with whatever mommy issues had arisen, so. Yeah. And did it make Astrid a bad person if she was thinking through the psychology course she had to take as part of her teaching certification? No, this was something she’d have to deal with when she became an actual teacher. It was fine.

“I guess,” Runa said, “Can I, um, can I come back to the apartment now? I’m cold.” As anyone would be, after spending the night on the floor of the trash room. Astrid hoped she’d be a better mother than Runa’s when and if she and Tuli decided to have kids.

After a few more minutes, Astrid helped Runa off the floor.

“You’re um, you’re really tall,” Runa commented, having to tilt her head back to make eye contact with Astrid.

“Yes, I know,” Astrid said as they walked. Her feet slid around in the Community Crocs- somehow. How was it possible that they were too big for her? How did Ylva survive in these? “Yer kinda short.”

“I’m not that small,” Runa bit out, and the conversation ended. Typical short person response. Though Astrid amused herself, the air between them remained tense on the elevator ride up. When they got to the apartment, Astrid unlocked the door and slid off the crocs.

“Took the trash out,” She announced to the now heavily populated main room. Tuli sat on the floor, head in one hand, eyes shut, but perked up at hearing Astrid’s proclamation. A sleepy smile crossed her face and god, she was so cute. Warmth flooded Astrid’s chest, before she remembered the Runa she had in tow. “Also, Runa’s here.” She stepped aside, revealing Runa. Ylva, who sat on the counter, slammed her mug down.

“Runa,” She said, voice neutral. “Hey.”

“Ylva,” Runa said, shoving her hands in her pockets. She shuffled to the side, allowing Astrid to block her from view once again.

“Hi, Runa!” Maija said, and took a sip of her coffee. “How are you?”

“I’m ok,” Runa mumbled. Astrid made her way across the room to join Tuli on the floor next to the refrigerator- Her wife liked iced coffee year round, and when she could not buy iced coffee, she made iced coffee. The only drawback was how long she had to wait for the coffee to chill. Astrid kept telling her it was easier to pour warm coffee over ice, but Tuli wanted to do it her way, so Tuli got to do it her way.

“Hi,” Astrid whispered, joining Tuli on the floor, trying to be quiet so as not to disturb the family drama going on around them.

“Mornin’” Tuli yawned, “Thanks for taking the trash out.”

“No probl’m,” Astrid replied. Tuli hummed, and leaned her head back against the fridge. She didn't incite any further conversation, so it seemed they’d just be listening to Ylva and Runa attempt to talk to each other about their mother. Awesome. Well, more like really bad parenting and a control freak mother- Which, actually, explained a lot of Ylva’s personality. And life choices. And taste in music. And women.

Though she did try to tune them out, Astrid was unable to ignore the pair forever. Mostly because Runa called on her to arbitrate the conversation, which was dreadfully boring, seeing as it turned out that not much had actually happened. Runa was acting rebellious, whatever that meant, and their mom didn't approve. Ylva sent her money, which Runa had allegedly spent on bus fare and food. She actually spent it on weed, until their mom took her license away for Bad Behavior, which was apparently the lying but mostly the Noah thing. Which was somehow related to the hair thing. If Astrid had to comment, which she didn't, Runa was just confused about a lot of things. Unfortunate, really. But! She was now staying with them until she had to go back to school, so that was cool. Maybe during that time she would become less confused- Although Tuli taking a coffee mug out of the freezer surely didn't help.

“Why was your coffee in there?” Runa asked, pulling Tuli into the limelight.

“Oh, I like iced coffee,” She said. She set her mug down on the counter, grabbed some milk from the fridge, and then honey from another cabinet. A generous amount of both went into her mug.

“But it’s winter,” Runa said, dumbfounded. Tuli only chuckled.

“Yeah, but I still like iced coffee. It just tastes better,” She said, taking a sip.

“It’s a seasonal beverage,” Maija butted in. She managed to stay silent while Runa and Ylva talked about what had happened, but it seemed that was over now.

“How is iced coffee a seasonal beverage?” Ylva asked, “It’s literally just coffee with ice in it.”

“It’s got summer vibes,” Maija explained, “Like how you wouldn't get, like, a peppermint latte in July.”

“I could if I wanted to,” Ylva snapped back, “If I liked peppermint.”

“Okay, but you not liking peppermint doesn't mean it’s not a Christmas drink,” Maija said, “I think you just lack fun.”

“Here’s the thing, though,” Ylva said, tapping Maija’s chest with every word.

“Peppermint exists all year round, so it’s not a goddamn seasonal drink.”

“Yes it is!” Maija shouted, “They only have it in the winter, how is that not seasonal!”

“You can ask Starbucks to make you a peppermint latte in the summer, it’s just not advertised as much.” Astrid, along with Maija, and at least Runa, rolled her eyes. If there was one thing the inhabitants of their apartment were good at, it was pointless arguments. Most of them broke out between Ylva and Maija- Hopefully Runa didn't take the wrong message from that.

“Welcome to our apartment,” Tuli said, almost drily, then turned her attention to Astrid. “I’m gonna go get ready, alright?” Astrid nodded, and gave her shoulder a squeeze. She’d probably wander back to their room soon enough- She had so much work to do, it wasn't even funny. But for now, the greatest entertainment in town was watching Ylva scream at her girlfriend about the seasonality of peppermint lattes.

“Are they- Are they always like this?” Runa asked, once again clutching her phone to her chest.

“Ye get used to it,” Astrid confirmed, “Nd, for what t’s worth, your sister ‘sn’t that bad.”

“I know,” Runa sighed, “Thanks.” Astrid flashed her a slight grin.

“Not a probl’m.” After all, who would she be if she didn’t look out for her friends?

10 notes · View notes

shounenkitsune · 4 years

Text

Cake One Shot Sick Fic

Reposted from fanfiction.net, but I feel like I wanna move everything over here bc I prefer tumblr.

Vocaloid fanfic, but tbh they might as well be OC’s bc nothing in the story is relevant to them being Vocaloids XD

Rin stretched out on the floor, trying to get a better look at her painting. She'd already put a lot of water on it. She had to be careful with her next moves, because the paper wouldn't accept much more water here soon. She needed to blend more black into the background, but there was already so much in there, that the rest of it seemed to look like blobs of blue rather than that cool galaxy look. She frowned. Maybe there was another dark color she could use to add depth?

Len released a rather obnoxious belch from his side of the room. He was lying on his back with his eyes closed, one hand resting lightly on his stomach. Rin glanced up at him, then immediately went back to her painting. It wasn't really unusual for him to do that. He was a teenage boy after all. Not that he wasn't respectful, just that he felt comfortable enough around his sister and she didn't mind it, so he didn't feel the need to be so proper and polite. He usually said excuse me afterwards though, but it wasn't such a big deal. Rin didn't care either way.

Rin grabbed a purple watercolor pencil and began shading heavily around the black. She needed it to be prominent, that way she didn't have to use a lot of water to blend it. She heard another large belch as she dipped her brush into the cup of water on the floor in front of her. She brushed it off again and began painting. This happened several times, all of which she ignored, until she started hearing his stomach gurgling all the way on the other side of the room. She looked up at him curiously.

"What's going on?" she asked. Len opened one eye to look at her, then closed it. He muffled another belch.

"What do you mean?" he asked back, not sure what she was talking about. He belched again.

"That," she said. She propped her elbow up on the floor and rested her chin on her hand. "Why are you so gassy? Did you eat too much or something?" Len didn't reply. Most likely he wasn't expecting that answer and got embarrassed. He didn't mind burping in front of her, so long as she didn't draw attention to it.

After not getting an answer for several seconds, she tried again. "Does your stomach hurt? You okay?" Len sighed, knowing he would have to answer her eventually. He didn't particularly like discussing this topic, however.

"I'm fine," he mumbled. He forced down a belch from entering his throat by swallowing. "Must've just been something I ate…"

Rin pursed her lips and furrowed her eyebrows. There was something he wasn't telling her. Len peeked at her with one eye, then opened both eyes once he saw the face she was making. "What?" he asked defensively. Rin squinted her eyes. Len stared back, waiting for her to do something. This went on for a while until Rin blinked and shook her head. She looked back up at her brother, who looked very, very confused. She furrowed her brows again.

"What did you eat today?" she asked. Len was on a diet. Well, technically he was always on some sort of diet. He had marching band, track, cross country, and dance, so he absolutely needed to be fit in order to keep up with the activity. He was pretty good about his home workouts, which was basically just a run every night before bed. He showered in the morning, which was kinda gross, because that meant he went to bed all sweaty, but that's another reason why they had their own sides of the room. But aside from the workouts, he really had a poor will to avoid unhealthy foods he wasn't supposed to have. It wasn't such a bad thing, since he didn't do it very often, and it's also not healthy to completely deny a kid unhealthy foods or desserts while he has to watch everyone around him enjoy them. The only issue is that he kinda binges on junk food from time to time. Knowing Len, he probably did something like chug a 2 liter, or eat a whole box of pizza rolls.

Again, Len took a while to answer. He knew she was gonna chew him out like always, because she was his "diet coach" (which she appointed herself), and he really just wanted to lie down for a while and relax.

He let out a heavy sigh. "Cake," he replied curtly. Rin wasn't surprised. But it made her think for a moment. Eating a singular piece of cake wouldn't make you that gassy.

"How much cake?" she asked. Again, a long pause. Rin expected the worst at that point.

"A cake," he said. Rin furrowed her brows in confusion.

"What do you mean "a cake"?" she asked, then realized what he meant and widened her eyes. "You ate an entire cake!?" she shouted. Len nodded, refusing to open his eyes and look at her. Rin was shocked that he could eat a whole cake by himself. Where did they even get a cake? Rin looked down at Len's stomach, something she hadn't really paid much attention to, and realized that the more she looked, the more she could see how bloated he was. He definitely ate a lot of something.

"How big was it?" she asked. Len held up his hands about a foot apart, then moved them to the side perpendicular to where he first hand them, only closer together, making an imaginary rectangle about one foot by six inches.

"What the actual fuck, Len," she said. Len shrugged. At least she wasn't yelling at him to go for a run. Rin looked at him, concerned. "Are you okay though? I mean, do you think you're gonna puke or something?" Len opened his eyes and looked at her, surprised that she even thought about that. Normally she just told him to do some sort of workout, usually jokingly, sometimes seriously.

"Yeah, I'm alright," he said. "I'm a little nauseous, but I don't think I'm actually gonna throw up." Rin nodded once and chewed her bottom lip nervously, looking over his body. He looked like he was okay, but Rin was actually worried about him this time. I mean for Pete's sake, he ate an entire freaking cake!

Rin stood up and walked over to his side of the room, stopping by his bed. She pulled up his shirt, to which Len didn't object. He even moved his hand out of the way to let her pull it all the way off his stomach. She put her hand on his belly and immediately felt the sloshing and gurgling going on in there, his stomach kicking into overdrive to try and break down that massive lump of food. She rested it there for a moment before slowly dragging her palm across the smooth surface of his skin, making a circular motion. She felt him tense up, then slowly relax and melt into her touch. She rubbed his belly for a while. When they were little, their grandparents used to do this when they had an upset stomach. Normally it was Len who had the tummy ache, since he was the one obsessed with food, so Rin watched a lot of the time. She started doing it herself at around maybe ten. The first time she did it, Len had no idea what she was doing and it got...very awkward to say the least. But now he doesn't mind. He actually rather enjoys it. Belly rubs are really relaxing, and they really do help with the pain of an upset stomach.

Len closed his eyes, the slow motion of Rin's hand lulling him to sleep. He let out another belch and his eyes popped open again, caught off guard by himself, not even feeling it before it happened. Rin could feel it though. His stomach rumbled again, the air bubbles making their way up towards the belly button. She took two fingers and gently pressed them into his stomach just beneath his belly button, rubbing in a circle, but not moving in a wide circumference. Len's stomach gurgled loudly, bubbling angrily. Len flinched. That gurgle had upset his stomach more and he felt a sharp stab of pain where Rin's fingers were. He almost grabbed her hand and pulled it away, but he started to feel better as the air made its way up. He could feel warmth rising up towards his throat. For a moment he waited for the belch, but then leaped forward and made a mad dash out of their room, leaving Rin standing there beside his bed, dazed.

The bathroom was upstairs, so he ran into the kitchen, dropping to his knees in front of the large trash can. He retched violently, coughing and sputtering as the warmth moved up into his throat. He could now feel the burning pain of the stomach acid in the back of his throat. He retched again and vomited into the trash can, coughing and struggling to breathe.

Len's mom was sitting at the kitchen table playing a game of cards by herself while reading an ebook on her tablet. She was surprised when someone suddenly raced into the room and dropped to the floor in front of the trash can. It took her a moment to realize what was going on and who it was. She stood up and briskly walked over him.

"Len? Hey hey hey, are you okay?" She put her hand on his back and pulled his hair out of his face while he puked. She looked into the trash can and became worried. His vomit was a muted pink color, and it was very liquidy. What did he eat? Or maybe it was blood mixed in with his stomach contents…

His mom rubbed his back and waited for him to finish before asking any more questions. He wouldn't be able to answer them until he was done anyway. After a while, the retching died down a bit. He started letting out low belches instead, with a little bit of retching mixed in. Thinking he was almost done, his mom pat his back and looked him in the eye. He looked tired.

"You alright, baby?" she asked. Len thickly swallowed, then spit into the trash can. Some saliva stayed on his bottom lip though, creating a small string that started to drip down into the trash can. He spat again to get rid of it, but it wouldn't budge. He tried again, but coughed harshly and groaned. He nodded softly, no longer looking at his mom. He still felt really nauseous, and he knew he wasn't done, but he felt a lot better now that his stomach was empty.

His mom put her hand on his forehead, feeling for a fever. He felt normal. She furrowed her brows and pursed her lips, a trait she very noticeably passed onto her daughter. Maybe he ran too hard and made himself sick? The treadmill was upstairs though, so he should have ran into the bathroom, not all the way downstairs into the kitchen.

"You think you're almost done?" she asked. Len mouth breathed for a few seconds, trying to catch his breath. He wanted to be done, but his stomach still felt hot, and it was swishing and gurgling. He shrugged, the motion upsetting his belly more.

"Ohh," he moaned softly. "It still hurts." He was about to take a breath in when he suddenly lurched forward and belched up another string of vomit. He coughed softly, almost as if he was crying. His mom got worried and looked to check. His eyes were watering, but he didn't look like he was actually crying. His nose wasn't red or anything, and he looked more tired than in pain. A few seconds passed before he retched again. That felt like it might be the last of it though. He hurled one more time before his stomach felt empty. He could hardly breathe when he was finished.

His mom pat his back a few times and waited for him to say something or get up. She didn't want to bug him with questions or make him feel pressured to be done quickly. He tended to get embarrassed whenever he got sick. He always wanted to be alone. He surely didn't want her to be there right next to him while he threw up.

"Ohh...I feel better," he mumbled, closing his eyes. He let out a deep sigh and relaxed, leaning back into his mom. He let his head rest heavily on her chest. His mom pulled him up into her lap and pressed her cheek on the top of his head.

"What happened, baby?" she asked in a sweet voice. "Do you feel sick? Did you eat something bad?" It wasn't like him to just randomly throw up.

"I'm okay," was his reply. He was too exhausted to explain any further. He lied there in his mom's lap for a while, trying to catch his breath and get some energy back. His mom asked him more questions.

"Were you feeling bad this morning?"

That just happened to be Tuesday, a school day. The kids had been home for about an hour or so. She wondered if he'd gone to school feeling sick. It wouldn't have been the first time. He liked to hide it for some reason. She could feel him shaking his head, however.

"No," he mumbled. He didn't feel like answering her questions. He wanted to go back to his room and lie down. He felt better getting that out of his stomach, but he still felt awful. "Mom, I'm tired. Can I go back to my room?" His mom bit her bottom lip after hearing that. She didn't want to just send him to his room without knowing why he suddenly got sick.

"Yeah, okay," she said. She rubbed his back a few times, then helped him to his feet. She would check on him later. Maybe he would feel more up to talking then. She led him down the hall to the twins' room. Rin was sitting on his bed, sketchbook in her hands. She looked up at them as they entered.

"Hey, you doing alright?" she asked her brother. She could hear him from their room. Len nodded, his eyes half closed. He was sleepy before he got sick. He was even more tired after his abdominal muscles forced out everything in his stomach.

Rin moved off of his bed so he could lie down. He got in bed and dug himself under the covers. He curled up into a ball, cradling his knees to his chest with one hand tucked between his stomach and his legs, holding his stomach.

Rin frowned and sat down beside her sick brother. He may be an idiot for being so reckless, but she still felt bad for him. She slowly rubbed his arm up and down in a soothing manner. Len whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut, curling in even tighter on himself. God, his stomach was killing him. He didn't think he would get this sick from eating a simple cake. Despite the cake no longer being in his system, his stomach still gurgled and groaned uncomfortably. He muffled a few belches into his pillow.

"Do you want some water or anything?" Rin asked softly. "Any medicine?" She felt helpless just watching him suffer.

Len could hardly bring himself to speak. His throat was so dry and cracked from all the stomach acid. "Water…" he croaked out. Rin nodded, even though he couldn't see her face. She went to the kitchen to get him a glass of water. Her mom stopped her before she could open the cupboard.

"Rinny?" she called out to her. Rin turned around to face her mother.

"Hm?" she replied, turning back to get a glass down from one of the shelves. Her mother looked at her worriedly.

"Have you seen your brother recently?" she asked. Rin slowly looked back at her and nodded, frowning. Her mother bit her lip, concerned.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "He had an upset stomach, so I tried to give him a belly rub to make him feel better, but then he ran away all of the sudden." She saw the look on her mother's face and could only guess what happened when he was gone. "I assume he threw up?" Her mother nodded.

"He was pretty upset when I last saw him," she added. "He looked like he was in a lot of pain. I didn't know what to do, so I asked him if he needed anything, and he said some water would be nice." Remembering that he needed the water, Rin hurriedly filled the glass with ice and water and started to make her way back to their room. Her mother stopped her again.

"Did he tell you anything about why he's feeling bad?" she asked. "He was pretty drained after he threw up, so he didn't really explain anything to me about what was going on." Rin nodded.

"Yeah, he uh…" she shook her head and laughed at him in pity. "He told me he ate an entire cake. I'm sure he's learned his lesson about portion control, though." Her mother sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"What am I gonna do with him…" she mumbled. Rin shrugged and went back to their room to deliver the water to him. Surprisingly, he had fallen asleep in the short time she took to get it for him. She sighed and set the glass on the nightstand beside his bed. Taking a seat next to him, she leaned down and gave him a quick kiss on his forehead before ruffling his hair lightly.

"You're such a dummy, Lenny…" she mumbled to herself, then lied down next to him, spooning him. Len tossed a little in his sleep, whimpering to himself. Rin hushed him and rubbed his arm up and down. Eventually he relaxed from his fitful sleep and fell into a deeper dream state. Rin was beginning to feel tired as well. She ended up falling asleep next to him, keeping him warm while he recovered from his bad decisions. Hopefully he had learned his lesson.

#sickfic #sicfic #burping #nausea #vomiting #emeto #emetophilia

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1-mini-1 · 5 years

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My 2 Cents on Translating

I was skimming through my computer and found this blog post that I never posted. I think I was hesitant because I saw varying opinions on the subject in the fandom, but idk, these are just my thoughts from my experience as a fan translator for the vocaloid/utaite fandom and what I have learned. I'm not sure if any of my thoughts are unpopular opinions or not, but I'm also not sure how much discussion there has been concerning fan translators. Also, this is really long, so if you want to skim or ignore it be my guest lol.

I guess the first thing I'll talk about is how I think writing a translation is just as much of an artform as writing original lyrics are. I know that translations aren't from scratch like an original story is, but with Japanese especially, there's sooooooo much leniency in how things can be translated into English. Here's an example of how different translations can be. This is a quote from Natsume Soseki's "Kokoro" and three published translations of it:

私は冷やかな頭で新しい事を口にするよりも、熱した舌で平凡な説を述べる方が生きていると信じています。血の力で体が動くからです。言葉が空気に波動を伝えるばかりでなく、もっと強い物にもっと強く働き掛ける事ができるからです。

"I believe that a common reply, stated with passion on one's tongue, is more impactful than novel words from a cool head. The flow of blood powers the body. Words are more than waves disturbing the air, they induce great action in greater things." - From the Soseki Project site

"I believe that commonplace ideas passionately expressed are more effective in real life than the original inventions of a detached intellect. Because it is the heat of the blood that impresses us, for in addition to the words which reverberate in the air, the emotion by its intensity pierces to the soul." - Ineko Kondo

"I believe that words uttered in passion contain a greater living truth than do those words which express thoughts rationally conceived. It is blood that moves the body. Words are not meant to stir the air only; they are capable of moving greater things." - Edwin McClellan

Anyways, you get the idea lol. As you can see from these translations, the grammar structures are completely different; sometimes words are added, sometimes words are left out, and sometimes there are grammar patterns used in Japanese that just don't work in English. All these decisions are up to the translator. I've read some translations of things where whole relevant plot details were cut out just because the translator got annoyed (I'm looking at your translation of the Tale of Genji, Seidensticker).

I should probably talk about how I translate stuff. When I first started translating, I thought my lyrics were more liberal, but as I poked around and looked at other translators, I found that mine stuck more closely to the original format of the song (such as, I would keep the same phrases on the same line in the stanza, use the same format for punctuation, etc.). Song translation is different from manga or books because sentences can be broken up over a whole stanza, so translators can play a lot with how they want to arrange phrases for lyrics. I kept mine very close to the original song because I liked being able to easily identify the Japanese line with the English. I'm not sure if that's a translating "sin" but eh, that's how I liked translating my stuff. Maybe in the future I'll try something different

However, just because I saw many different translations for songs, I wouldn't go out of my way to say that any of them were wrong or bad, per say. Translating songs is a huge pain because there's no punctuation which makes it hard to keep track of everything. I've had times where I've been able to translate a 10 page story faster than I could translate a single song, just because having context and punctuation makes everything sooooo much easier. However, even if a translation is wrong, I don't think that makes it meaningless. I'm personally of the opinion that having some sort of translation is better than nothing, but that's something you need to decide for yourself. When I was first learning Japanese and couldn't fully understand the songs I listened to, if there was even just one line that I understood, I would embrace it and really love whatever meaning I grasped from it. Even if a song is translated correctly, there are lines that will impact people differently, and even an awkward or incorrect translation can resonate with the reader. Similarly, there are many times when I translate that I look at a line and think "aaahhhhh I want to change the meaning a bit because I can make it sound cooler and give it more impact than a direct translation would".

The next thing I noticed is that I kind of feel like people value native Japanese speakers (who have English as their second language, non-native English speaker) over native English speakers more (Japanese second language, non-native Japanese speaker)? Tbh, that feels like a double standard to me. Like idk, I'm fine translating Japanese into English, but I don't think I would be able to translate English into Japanese. In fact, most professional translating jobs have you translate into your native language, so I thought it was strange when I noticed that it seemed like native Japanese speakers had more favored translations. Or another one I noticed is that if someone knew more languages, their translation would also be considered better because of the assumption that taking multiple language courses is the same as being gifted with languages. Anyways, my point is that both English native speakers and Japanese native speakers both put a lot of time into learning their languages so I don't think one side should be valued less than the other. Both have their strengths and weaknesses. Native English speakers may have a harder time understanding the initial Japanese, but shape it into English better, while native Japanese speakers understand the Japanese, but have a harder time putting it into English how a native speaker would understand.

No matter what the translator's native language is though, I've learned that having skills in a foreign language isn't the only requirement to be a good translator; you also need to have proper understanding of grammar and a large vocabulary in your native language. Also, proper reading of the translation requires the same amount of understanding for English grammar and vocabulary. I realized this after I took a lot of comparative literature classes and realized how much of a potato I am lol. I think it makes sense though, as a lot of the lyrics from utaite and vocaloid songs are usually extremely well thought out poetry. Multiple songwriters I've translated for have mentioned that as they tried to write better lyrics, they eventually had to immerse themselves in studying literature and their native language much more than the average person would. I often think that since literature and translating doesn't abide by scientific law that the humanities are actually more difficult to grasp than STEM subjects (and trust me, I've studied far on both sides of the spectrum).

The last thing I'll touch on is that… just appreciate your fan translators and don't give them a hard time please. Like nobody gets paid to do this stuff and usually they do it because they really like something, so just let people learn and try their best. Yes, they won't be perfect translations, but once again, fan translators aren't paid. They're translating out of the goodness of their heart. After all, translators don't need to translate a song to understand it, so in the end they don't really lose anything if they stop translating. As international fans, I feel like there are three options that we have to choose from eventually: 1. Rely on fan translations, even with their mistakes 2. Don't use translations and just enjoy the music or 3. Learn Japanese. I think all options are great, but they are personal decisions and shouldn't be used to knock other people down and make them feel bad. If there's a mistake in a translation, it is not intentional and the translator literally has no idea unless someone tells them (as translations are a combined reflection of both Japanese AND English ability). All I know is that Vocaloid was popularized from amateur musicians just doing what they wanted for fun, and so I think a really cool thing that the international fandom has that Japan doesn't is that we have awesome fan translators that are also amateurs and are doing translations for fun.

#rachel says stuff #also if you read all of this dang good on you and you're officially my favorite

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vocaloid-sparks-creativity-blog · 4 years

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Hocus Pocus

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The song “Hocus Pocus” is a duet that features the voices of Hatsune Miku and Gumi, which was composed by Shikemoku and uploaded on Oct 19 in 2012. When listening to the song for the first time it gives a very simplistic feeling due to the rhythm of the lyrics/instruments, the slower tempo, how the two singers interact, and even the limited number of instruments. However, as a creative piece, the song is much more complex then it lets on, getting its charms from the ability to do so much with so little. From an instrumental standpoint the song is pretty simple, using only a piano, keyboard, triangle, and tambourine. The piano carries the heaviest role throughout the song, at times acting as drums would to set the pace of the music, while the other instruments are used as accents throughout the song. The piano has a few simple rhythms that, throughout the song, build off of each other to create more complex rhythms. Depending on the lyrics the piano reduces to only one bare-bone rhythm to place more emphasis on the story, doing more by doing less.

Up until this point I have purposely avoided talking about the content of the song. This is because I feel it’s worth listening to first (while reading the subtitles) so that you get the full experience. “Hocus Pocus” is very much a narrative, it explicitly tells a story that has the capacity to evoke an emotional response from the listeners. So if you have read this far without watching the video I advise you to go listen to the song now before I discuss the lyrics and story.

“Hocus Pocus” is song about a woman who finds a little girl beaten and bruised in a park and after realizing the girl is abused at home, she decides to kidnap her in order to give the girl a happier life. By “casting a spell” the two find an abandoned house where the woman seems to wash away all the girl’s worries (seeming almost like magic) for a short period of time until one day, the authorities find the woman and arrest her, leaving the young girl distraught. The woman’s arrest brought the young girl’s abusive home life to light, and ultimately got the girl into a safe environment. At the end of the song it’s revealed the the woman was also abused at home when she was younger but no one ever came to her aid so when she saw the little girl she knew she had to do something. This is the story hinted at within the lyrics, and explicitly shown in the official video. As the song lyrics pop up on screen so do the lines of the story. Each story line is placed thoughtfully with each lyric or lack thereof. In the song both Miku and Gumi sing from the perspectives of the characters in the story while the outside narration takes place in the video. Gumi sings from the perspective of the woman while Miku sings from the perspective of the young girl. Throughout the song Gumi and Miku take turns singing the lyrics and never sing at the same time as the other. I believe that the choice to not have the voices overlap one another was intentional to establish that Miku and Gumi are singing from different perspectives in the story and that the perspectives we see are not happening at the same time.

There are a few more creative details of the song I would like to touch up on.

Not only does the lyrics and story lines set up the setting for the story of the song but the instrumentation does as well. When Gumi first begins to sing all the instruments aside from the piano stop playing. And even though the piano is still playing it has a very simplistic repetitive rhythm. like its only purpose at the moment is to keep the tempo steady. As the song progresses and as we learn more about the characters instruments are added to that base piano rhythm. As conflict is introduced different instruments join in or stop playing.

The music and rhythms change according to what is happening in the story to put more emphasis on it. (Most songs do this its nothing new but, after listening to this song well over fifty times I have either picked up on some interesting patterns or I am analyzing the song too heavily). in the song when Gumi and Miku both sing the chorus, chanting “Hocus Pocus” and try to lose themselves in the happy lie they have created the piano has a small little rhythm that gets added to the base rhythm. It evokes a sense of hope, playfulness, innocence and naivety. Or in the video when the women is taken away the music comes to a full stop. These characteristics of the song help to influence the emotional value of the song and the story it tells.

In most songs there are lines that repeat throughout the song with slight changes. This mostly happens in the chorus but its not weird for it to happen in the verses either. One aspect of the song lyrics that I really enjoy, looking from a symbolic POV, is the parallels in the lyrics between both singers even though that each singer portrays a different experience and point of view in the story. Specifically i think of Gumi’s lines “Since the day I made an enemy of the world / the world began to spin / Since the day I made an enemy of the world / We began making time” from the first verse, and Miku’s from the second verse “Since the day the world became a foe / the world lost it’s color / Since the day the world forgave a lie / my clock began to tick”. The phrasing of Gumi’s and Miku’s lines are very similar but refer and show different experiences. I interpret Gumi’s lines refer to how when the woman takes away the young girl (making an enemy of the world) her life is thrown into a state of chaos and unpredictability (it began to spin) But, because of the woman’s actions she created a time in the young girls life where she could enjoy herself (We began making time). When Miku sings from the perspective of the little girl the lines “since the day the world became a foe” refers to the abuse the girl experiences and how she received no help. She believes the “world lost its color” because there seemed no hope to escape her home life, the world was unforgiving and unkind to her, so she didn’t see the joys the world has to offer. So when the woman took the girl away to live with her in secret,(since the world forgave a lie) she expeienced things that made her happy like, stories, hair ribbons, and a warm bowl of soup. But this new found happiness could only last for so long until the woman was found out (My clock began to tick). Even though the lyrics are able to be phrased so similarly but it’s meanings vastly differ is something that specifically fascinates me as a person who likes to see how smaller aspects of a story (particularly parallelism) come together to form the big picture and create an experience for the audience.

The charm of the Vocaloid software is that it gives the users free range to create whatever they want. The only limit being the user’s imagination. Hocus Pocus is a great example showing that to make a good song with the software, you don’t need to go above and beyond. Sometimes, simplicity and repetition can create an experience that is just as great, if not better, than songs with more complex instrumentation or sound.

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aroworlds · 6 years

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Aro-Spec Artist Profile: Alex

Today I have the delight of introducing Alex, better known to aro-spec Tumblr as @arotaro and @mutant-jojos!

Alex is a bisexual, half-Puerto Rican multi-disciplinary aromantic artist and creative with severe ADHD. You’ll find her prolific fanworks on AO3 as EmeraldTrash666, writing primarily for the JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure fandom. Her bold, colourful art for the JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Fullmetal Alchemist, Hetalia, Pokemon and Vocaloid fandoms is also available on Redbubble under the name StellaHagane.

She writes, she creates digital art and she dabbles in music, sewing and fashion design, single-handedly proving that there’s no such thing as too much creative awesome for any one aromantic!

With us Alex talks about finding the word aro, the power of fandom and creative fanworks, her love of aro Jotaro, the challenges of creating with ADHD, the struggles of being an aro gen writer in fandom and the importance of expressing our aro headcanons. Everything she says is absolutely on point, so please let’s give her all our love, encouragement, gratitude, kudos and follows for taking the time to explore what it is to be aromantic and creative.

Can you share with us your story in being aro-spec?

I guess in some ways my “story” starts out pretty typical. Got older, kept waiting for my First Crush™, never got it, started worrying and trying to force myself to develop crushes. I actually was in a relationship with another girl on a forum I was part of as a teenager, but eventually I realized that I didn’t really like her romantically, and the relationship started to become really unpleasant for me. I eventually felt so miserable that I didn’t even want to talk at her at all, even though we were close friends, but I didn’t want to break up with her - partly because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, partly because we were everyone’s “OTP” and I didn’t want my friends to hate me for ruining that. But eventually I did break up with her, and I’m happy to say she took it with grace and we’re still close friends today! (She’s ace and a great writer/artist herself, too!)

I was part of a very nice LGBTQ+ group as a teenager, but I could never figure out my identity. I felt really ashamed and alone. Whenever I brought up how messed up I felt because I’d never had a crush on anyone, everyone was like, “Oh, sounds like you must be asexual!”, but I knew I wasn’t, and that was the worst part. Even though I knew aromanticism was a thing, nobody ever talked about it. It was only ever in the context of aroaces, so I didn’t know I was aro. I thought I must have had some sort of mental illness or something, but certainly not a legitimate orientation, nothing to be proud of like everyone else.

During that time, I found myself connecting on a deep emotional level to characters like Alphonse Elric, Fujiwara no Sai, the X-Men in general (although I’ve been an X-Men fan since I was literally a baby), basically anyone who was somehow “different” from the rest of humanity, even though I never understood why, since I was a fairly privileged kid who had never experienced much bullying or anything. Weirdly enough, it was Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure that helped me realize I was aro and come to terms with it; I saw an interview with Hirohiko Araki, the author of JJBA, where he was asked what type of girls Jotaro Kujo likes, and replied that he didn’t think Jotaro liked girls. The obvious interpretation would be that Jotaro’s gay, but somehow, one way or another, I decided to go with the idea that Jotaro’s aromantic. Jotaro also happened to be a character I really related to for reasons I couldn’t quite articulate, so around the time I was 18 I put two and two together and was like ... oh shit…

Please click keep reading to continue Alex’s story!

Can you share with us the story behind your creativity?

I’ve always been weird in the way I’m very creative, but tend to kinda bounce around from hobby to hobby. Other people draw, or write, or sing, while I draw for a month, and then write for a month and sew for a week and play video games for a week, and then I draw some more, and then I try out something completely new, and then I write again. I think it must be an ADHD thing, idk. In any case, I’ve just always been really passionate about making stuff, whatever that stuff happens to be.

I’ve also always been very much fandom-oriented. Ever since I was a toddler, I used to dictate fanfiction to my mom (back then it usually involved Winnie the Pooh, the Powerpuff Girls, Godzilla, and my dog). I mostly draw fanart. I find that I’m not really capable of writing original stories, but I’m great at getting fanfics in character, and I love writing them. I love taking stories I already love and reinterpreting them, seeing what it would be like if the characters were put into different situations, etc.

Because of my ADHD, I really struggle with actually finishing things. I try really really hard, I really do, and I’ve been trying to push myself even harder these past few years. I’ve made progress, but it’s still extremely difficult, so I’m very sorry for all the projects I’ve abandoned over the years. Sorry I still haven’t finished the fic that was supposed to be done in early March. I’m trying, really. I promise I’m working on the next chapter of BLaD, too.

Are there any particular ways your aro-spec experience is expressed in your art?

Of course, pretty much everything I write is gen. Even if I include romantic relationships in my fics, I never write about romance, just stories which also happen to include some characters who might be dating someone. And obviously I always write Jotaro as aro! That’s really important to me. No matter which AU I’m writing, he’s always aro. (And autistic, but that’s off topic.)

I’m also not really into shipping because of my romance repulsion, but I ship Joseph Joestar and Caesar Zeppeli. The thing is … I’ve always viewed it as a unique relationship, sort of difficult to define as being strictly romantic or platonic or sexual, just kind of their own thing that defies words. That’s how I’ve always written it. I had the sudden realization recently that this strange view on the only ship I really actually like (at the moment, anyway) is probably due to my being aro, lmao.

What challenges do you face as an aro-spec artist?

People don’t read gen fics, and people aren’t interested in aro stories. That’s just the way it is. I do have some dedicated readers, whom I love deeply, but in general… I could post something with a deep plot, something funny and dramatic and witty and touching, something I poured my heart and soul into for months, and it’ll get very few hits/comments/kudos, while someone else could post the same generic 2,000-word romance fic everyone’s seen a dozen times over, with no editing or anything, and get twice the amount of traffic my fics do in half the time. It’s really crushing.

How do you connect to the aro-spec and a-spec communities as an aro-spec person?

I dunno… The aro community feels so small. Online, I have a small circle of aro mutuals who all kind of vent collectively, and I’m part of Arocalypse and a few aro/aspec Discord servers, but I still feel like there isn’t really much of a larger community to be part of in the same way that there is for other orientations. Offline, I’ve never met another aro, or even anyone who actually knows what aromanticism is prior to me explaining it to them.

I also don’t feel like there’s a very unified “aspec community”. As an allo aro, I feel very rejected by the ace community - not to say that I feel like I should be part of the ace community, since I’m not ace, but I feel like they throw aros under the bus a lot. I mean, we’ve all seen the “asexuals can feel love, just like anybody else! … oh, except for aroaces, I guess. But the rest of us are normal, so you should accept us!” rhetoric. Both within and outside the aspec communities, aros are rarely treated with the same priority as aces, even though we’re arguably in a much more difficult position than your average allo ace.

That being said, I’m glad there is an aro community at all. I don’t know where I’d be now if I were still questioning. Probably not in a very good place.

How do you connect to your creative community as an aro-spec person?

As I mentioned, there’s a general lack of interest in gen fics or sympathy for romance-repulsed people in general. It’s really difficult being romance repulsed in fandom spaces, because nobody cares about anything other than ships. There are very few gen fics, and even less that are a decent length, not abandoned, or cater to my specific interests, so I have to write my own. I don’t often have anything good to read; most of the big fics, the ones with cool plots and long word counts and ongoing updates, are ship fics. If I’m lucky, maybe two gen fics will be posted in one week, and maybe one of them will be longer than a few thousand words. Maybe one might even have my favorite characters. But usually genfics are few and far between, and kind of random in terms of what you’ll get. Sometimes I get so bored that I read ship fics anyway, and then I always wind up feeling really awful afterwards.

I’ve written, over the course of the past two years alone, over 20 gen fics. But whenever I vent that sometimes I’d like to actually get to read something, I always get someone telling me, “Well if you want gen fics, write some yourself! You have to make the change! You can’t demand people write stuff for you!” And of course, at the same time it’s totally acceptable to request ship fics from your favorite author, and if you complain that there aren’t enough fics for your rarepair, it’s seen as relatable and totally valid.

Fandom is just … really, really amatonormative, tbh. I hate it. I’m trying to make a difference (I did organize Gen Jojo Week along with my friend Rachel last year, and hopefully will again this year), but there’s only so much I can do.

How can the aro-spec community best help you as a creative?

Aside from reblogging my art and promoting my fics? Talk about stuff. Talk about aro stuff in fandom. Seriously! I know it seems obvious that aro people would like aro headcanons and gen fics and all that, but we need to talk about them more. Nobody outside the community gives enough of a shit about us to have aro headcanons, so let’s get them popular. Talk about your favorite aro headcanons. Talk about your favorite gen fics. Talk about how such-and-such character is totally aro; talk about how excited you are to see aro characters in fics. My dream is for aro headcanons to become just as common and popular as any other type of headcanon.

Can you share with us something about your current project?

This is old news to most of the people who already know me, but my current big project that I’ve been working on for several years now is Between Life and Death, a drama/horror/supernatural JJBA fic.

(WARNING: PHANTOM BLOOD AND STARDUST CRUSADERS SPOILERS BELOW.)

The plot of the fic is that Dio wins at the end of Stardust Crusaders, and after realizing that he has no hobbies other than harassing the Joestars, he decides to bring Jonathan back by sticking his head (which… we’ll just assume Dio preserved for plot purposes) onto Jotaro’s body. Obviously, Jonathan is NOT happy with this arrangement, but it also turns out that Jotaro’s still alive, just not in control of his body. He can still use his stand, so he essentially uses Star Platinum as a sort of proxy for interacting with the environment around him, even though he only comes out when Jonathan’s alone since he doesn’t want Dio to know he’s alive.

Basically, it’s the story of a depressed vampire and a traumatized ghost. It’s a very introspective fic; most of the story consists of conflicts between Dio and Jonathan, and Jonathan and Jotaro struggling to come to terms with their new existences - Jonathan being unable to reconcile vampirism with his personal morals, and Jotaro having one hell of an identity crisis while also mourning the deaths of his friends and family. The plot is picking up, though, and there is an end goal in mind, as well as an eventual sequel!

As for where the story-in-progress is at right now … well, the next “stage” of the plot is hamon training for Kakyoin and Avdol, which will be fun. This chapter also includes several dream sequences, including an extended appearance by Mary Joestar (Jonathan’s mom), and a very serious and dark scene which I almost ruined by having dream!Will Zeppeli refer to Jonathan as his padawan. Yeah.

Have you any forthcoming works we should look forward to?

As mentioned, I’m working on chapter 9 of Between Life and Death! And working on and off on some stuff for the mutants AU. Most recently, on a whim I rewrote the lyrics to Handbeat Clocktower by MOTHY to be about Jonathan Joestar. Somehow this went far enough that I’m making an actual UTAU rendition of this “parody”, and hopefully it’ll be done sometime in the next few weeks. I’m really having fun with it and I hope people like it!

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guidingthulite · 6 years

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Hey did you know that when I was away I made a bunch of headcanons

Did you also know I forget to post them everyday

- Hamano was, technically, the first one to confess, but he decided to do it in such a casual manner that Hayami thought he was kinda joking (he probably did it after training or while they were fishing), but Hamano kept saying 'I love you' over and over, and Hayami, being who he is, just turned his head around, saying 'okay, okay' or just plain blushing and walking away. It was one day they were walking back home that Hamano tried to confess once more, only for Hayami to be annoyed because he 'didn't mean it seriously' and that he 'should stop playing with his feelings'. But Hamano stopped walking, held Hayami's hand and looked at his eyes, and with a serious expression he said 'But I do love you. For real'. And at first Hayami couldn't stop staring at Hamano, but then realization hit him and Hamano was the only thing he COULDN'T look at. Long story short, it was a mess, but at least they were dating now

- I've written so many confession fics on my head this is like one out of a million

- The only way for Hamano to study is having Hayami near, because he would leave it for later to never really do it, and Hayami insists that he does, and that they won't really do anything else until they're both done with homework/studying - And speaking about that, Hamano is good at History, because it's something that Hayami loves (when they were studying ancient China Hamano discovered that Hayami knew more than any teacher. Ever. Isn't he so cool) and when he rambles about it Hamano tries to pay as much attention as he can, and something always stays with him, so it's easier studying History

- HAVE I MENTIONED THAT HAMANO HAS CANONICALLY WRITTEN POETRY CAUSE. HE DEFINITELY HAS WRITTEN SOMETHING FOR HAYAMI

- These two planned their wedding when they were children, Hamano brought it up some random day and Hayami was embarrased because 'we were children we didn't really know i mean i don't think we're getting married anyways' and Hamano basically excitedly screams that 'no!!! We'll marry because we love each other! And we will wear pretty dresses! And we'll invite the whole team! And the fishing lady!' so they spent the whole afternoon planning it over again (only one thing was clear after the planning: Kurama would be the flower boy)

- Hayami once called Hamano 'Kaiji' accidentaly and both of them died internally

- Hamano is SOOOOOOOO into the idea of double/group dates. It all started when Ichino and Aoyama called them over for a group thing and since then he has loved hanging out with other couples

. - ... Which obviously led to Hamano wanting to hang out with Minaho and Manabe - And Hayami was okay with it but internally he was hella nervous because Minaho and Hamano are VERY good friends and he has only talked to Manabe like... Twice, maybe, when Earth Eleven came back and they held a party n stuff, so he thought that the date would be basically Minaho and Hamano talking about whatever while he and Manabe stared at each other awkwardly

- But the double date was fun and everyone talked to everyone and Hayami found out that Minaho and Manabe are really really really nice people to hang around - So they hung out more often (but not that often because Minaho and Manabe live away, sob)

- and they started dating each other. and kurama. and kurama is also dating hikaru and kariya too. kurama has a lot of boyfriends

- Hayami is actually very into videogames, specially rhythm ones and RPG's (story heavy ones in general). He introduced Hamano to the Rhythm Heaven franchise because he thought he would love the quirkiness of it

. - AND HE DID HE LOVES RHYTHM HEAVEN SO MUCH. Hayami bought him The Best+/Megamix for his birthday and Hamano almost choked him because he hugged him too thightly

- Because I'm obvious, at some point Minaho, Manabe, Hamano and Hayami go to England for their honeymoon and Hayami and Minaho have to make sure the other two are with them all they time because they are absolutely horrible at English and they can't be left alone

- Hamano and Hayami have sleepovers all the time. And there was a time when both were super awkward around each other because they were starting to fall for each other and were sUPER SLOW to realize. So anyways, Hayami told Hamano to sleep somewhere else and at first he did go to another room but sometime later he came back because 'Hayami if I want to see you early in the morning I'll just get up earlier and come here but if I stay I want to wake up with you and all...'

- You can pinpoint the moment Hayami died internally. - But he agreed. And while he was sleeping lying on Hamano's chest he Realized™

- fuck i should write that

- Speaking of Hamano and Hayami being slow, my brother and I have this AU in which Kurama is Hamano and Hayami's son, and a time traveller who came to this time to ensure those two get together so he can exist in the future and all

- Kinako and him bonded over being time travellers sent to take care of family members and then both joined the Shorty Brigade with Shinsuke and Konoha

- Also he has a younger sister named Estrella (I like to nickname her Suta for some reason)

- i think suta is a boy name heck

- Hamano can carry Kurama and Hayami at the same time. He's quite proud of that.

- Okay so some people talk about Tsunami adopting Hamano but hear me out. NORIKA ADOPTING HAMANO. [And now the best headcanon is Kogure and Haruna adopting Hamano]

- I somehow have the headcanon that Hayami likes Vocaloid and my mind jumped to him dressed as Hatsune Miku save my soul

- I recall Kurama saying something on the games that made me think he likes wearing skirts/dresses but I can't remember what it was

- But yeah Kurama likes wearing skirts and dresses

- I looked for it and now I know. (This is what he said on the Spanish ver and through time and experience I learned that translation differ from each other... A lot) They were talking about the Middle Age clothes (when they went to Jeanne's time n stuff) and Kurama just said that 'I don't know, it's like wearing a dress, right?' and it gave off such a casual vibe that I started that headcanon

- Maybe I'm reading into it too much

- But he would look adorable in dresses don't lie to me

- When they grow up, Hamano works as a preeschool teacher and Hayami works as a biology/history teacher, in higher levels of education of course - Au in which all 5 of my ot5 work as teachers. Manabe is obviously a math teacher. Kurama can take the biology away from Hayami idk, he likes animals. My Philosophy teacher sorta reminds me of Minaho so there but he could also teach Psychology

- The whole school starts suspecting about Hamano and Hayami because _why would a preeschool teacher hang around teachers who teach (? older kids_ but then Kurama comes along, and then Minaho and then Manabe and aaaaaa

- The whole school ships it. There used to be arguments regarding who matched better with who but they kind of died when all 5 started dating. There were discussions regarding who the cutest were, though

- On the alternate timeline where Sakka is Dead and no one joined the Sakka club, Hayami starts dating Aoyama.

- But it feels weird because even though he really likes Aoyama he gets this feeling that it's just because he's the closest person he has.

- And there's this guy on his class, Hamano. He is a rather quiet kid (although some of his classmates would beg to differ) and sometimes he asks for his eraser or tells him good morning when he arrives and it's so SO weird, because he feels as if he SHOULD know him, and he SHOULD feel a certain when he looks at Hamano or when he talks to him, like they knew each other but forgot, like they have or had something together. But if they ever had something, it's gone.

- And this other guy, Kurama, who is on his class too. He's quite rude, stubborn and doesn't really talk to anyone unless he is required to. The kind of person Hayami doesn't really like, and yet, for some reason, he can't get angry at him. He has caught himself smiling at how the smaller boy pouted when he couldn't answer a question correctly. Sometimes, he'll look at his only visible eye (what kind of fashion statement is that, Hayami wonders) and see things deeper than just the black that it seemed to have.

- I JUST LOVE THAT ALTERNATE TIMELINE SO MUCH IT'S TOO ANGSTY SOB - But Hamano and Hayami do end up meeting each other, they sit together for a whole month. - Hamano makes Hayami laugh at one point and he's like 'bjmljgxfbc who are you why is your laugh so cute omg why can't you laugh more often your smile is so precious too i'm sOB'

- Hayami is flustered because 'what he said wasn't even that funny wHY AM I LAUGHING SO MUCH' but he can't really stop and aAAAAA

- But after sitting together they don't really talk that much because yeah, being with one another was fun but there is really nothing that ties them together, so they lose contact

- Oh look at that I can write angst after all. Nice.

- On a not so sad note, Hamano is the biggest fan of cuddles and affection in general ever on existence (or at least out of his boyfriends) like he could be walking down the street with Kurama and he has to hold his hand and give him a kiss on the forehead (Kurama hisses at him but he feels blessed he's just not really into showing it) or fishing with Hayami when he tells him to sit on his lap (or just outright goes and sits on Hayami's) before resuming fishing (Hayami hesitates a bit to put his arms around Hamano but when he does Hamano and I thinks it's the cutest thing) or hanging out with Minaho on his room and he hugs Minaho so thightly and Minaho pets his hair and hugs him back, or reading with Manabe when he puts his head on Manabe's shoulder, and Manabe has to close the book because he's getting sleepy as well so they lay down and cuddle together until they've both fallen asleep.

- Then one of the other three comes to join them.

- Usually the first one is Kurama, and because he is the smallest and thus the most huggable he is always in the middle. Then it's Hayami, who takes off Manabe's glasses because sOMEHOW he forgot to take them off to sleep. He unties his hair and lays wherever he's closest to. He's tired. Minaho is mostly the last one because he's a night owl eEHEHEHEHE. He gives everyone night kisses on the forehead and falls asleep quite fast, actually.

- THEY'RE SO BLESSED AND I'M SOB

- Speaking of Hamano getting sleepy, he can't go on long bus trips without falling asleep. Cars, maybe, but for some reason he can't go through a long bus trip without falling asleep.

- Poor Hayami knows this better than anyone. It's like Hamano KNOWS when a trip is going to be long even if no one told him so. And he uses Hayami's shoulder as a pillow. Always. Well, not always, there was one time where the bus moved a biiiiit too much and Hamano fell to his lap

- He didn't wake up because he's THAT powerful

- Anyways, Hayami just stared at him for a few second, then REALIZATION hit him like a truck, and he hoped no one was watching him. On the seats before them, Ichino and Aoyama, both of them sleeping, safe. Seats behind them, the managers, who looked too into their conversation to notice. And the only one he should be worrying about was Akane, who had a camera, but it was okay, he only took pictures of Shindou, apparently. So, safe too.

- And, finally, the seats next to them... Oh, Shinsuke and Tenma, right, they looked interested in their current conversation topic, so safe... Or so he thought because Tenma is shipping trash too, I mean, have you seen how he acts with Aki regarding Ichinose? He ships it, because they looked at him, stared for a bit, gave him a thumbs up and resumed their conversation.

- Hayami has never felt so embarrased.

- And I mean, he could try putting him back lying on his shoulder, but the willpower needed to do that is something that he lacked right now

- So Hamano spent the whole trip sleeping on Hayami's lap

- OR SO WE THOUGHT

- Hamano wasn't asleep when he fell on Hayami's lap, but hey, it was comfortable and Hayami was petting his hair so he might just stay there.

- When he woke up again he looked at Hayami's eyes and said 'Good morning~' like nothing happened and like it was morning

- Hayami's favorite Inazuma Japan member is Kazemaru since he is so fast and graceful, and seemed quite capable too (Although he likes Kidou too, his gamemaking helped Inazuma win. So talented.), Kurama's is Toramaru, because he was the smallest of the team but that didn't stop him from being a great forward, even rivalling the forever-more-popular Gouenji (plus he learns Tiger Drive on Chrono Stones isn't that precious) and Hamano's is obviously Tsunami.

- He even started wearing goggles everywhere since he was a smallie because of him. When they actually met Tsunami was so happy like 'tACHIMUKAI CHECK THIS KID OUT HE'S SUCH A GOOD KID WE SHOULD ADOPT HIM' to which Tachi replies 'Tsunami, you already said you wanted to adopt Tenma, you're going to adopt everyone at this rate' 'YOU ADOPTED SHINSUKE TOO IT'S NOT LIKE TENMA WOULD BE AN ONLY CHILD IF WE ADOPTED HIM' 'Tsumami that's a totally different thing, I just told you that I like Shinsuke's determ-' 'Plus I can't adopt everyone, Tachi! If I ever dared to adopt Kidou's little penguin baby he would kill me!'

- Hamano was just looking at them half 'What is even going on anymore' and half 'TSUNAMI, THE TSUNAMI JOUSUKE WANTS TO ADOPT ME???'

- Hayami is an only son, Kurama has a baby sibling and Hamano is the middle sibling out of three, and the only boy

- that's not me proyecting onto hamano what are you talking about. and headcanoning him as gay instead of bi like everyone else does is not either

- Hayami's parents are not home often so he's home alone most time.

- Or that would be, except Hamano visits a lot or brings him to his house. He has lunch and dinner there most days. And those sleepovers I mentioned earlier? Every weekend, at least once.

- Hamano's family loves Hayami a lot and when they knew they were dating they got so happy they prepared a party

- Hamano's big sister was on first name basis with Hayami before his lil bro

- Hamano lowkey complained about it but his sister just went 'yOU'RE CLOSER TO HIM THAN ME JUST DO IT HE'LL BE FINE WITH IT YOU SLOW DUMMY'

- He wasn't

- 'JNBMCJXJFGHDJHDHCHUVNKGD' - their internal thoughts

- Hamano is close to the Managers, specially Akane

- They have no idea how they came to be this way but they're super close

- Akane roasts Hamano on a daily basis (and that fact is canon) and Hamano tries to get back at her somehow

- 'I could try holding her camera up so she can't reach it'

- Then he remembers he's smaller than Akane

- 'I could ask Hayami to hold it up for me'

- But Hayami didn't want to

- So he asked Kurama to sit on his shoulders because short people STACK together

- Kurama thought it was dumb

- Hamano was a sad bean

- OKAY BUT IMAGINE. Hamano has lots of pics on his wall and half are from Akane and the other half are ones he took himself because Akane taught him The Ways Of Photography

- AKANE DOING HAMANO'S HAIR

- They're on first name basis

- Hamano is actually pretty decent at cooking, specially pastries - Since Kurama absolutely LOVES sweets if he happens to cook some he'll give them to Kurama (and sometimes to Hayami but while he does like sweets he's more on the salty side) - Kurama just dismisses it and says they're okay but he really likes Hamano's sweets

- And Hamano can read him like an open book so he knows too - His face lights up and it's the cutest thing Hamano has ever seen

- Me: I should find a shorter name minamanahamahayakura is too long Me: Uhhh... MiNaHaYaKu Me: [realizes] hOLY SHIT AHAHAHA

- "Minahayaku" - Hayami to everyone, probably

#hamano kaiji #inazuma eleven go #inazuma eleven #hayami tsurumasa #yamana akane #hamahaya #uhhhhhhhhhhh #more people i'm lazy to tag...#my mess #alma writes #FINALLY POSTED #these are mostly hamano/hamahaya and a few platonic hamano/akane and some ot5 goodness

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xdawndragonx · 7 years

Text

Reincarnation Chapter 2 - Memories.

And she read the comments with pride.

With a click, the pop-up menu opened, showing the two comments that Gabi had been afraid of seeing. Her tongue began to push upward, touching the roof of her mouth to create pressure.

And blue eyes widened with pleasant surprise.

The comments that she was so afraid of seeing were actually from people that supported her as a creator. Two people.

“Woah, dude. That’s kinda low of you don’t you think? I mean, judging a person because they were in a certain fandom is a bit cruel. It doesn’t have anything to do with the stuff she’s creating right now. You don’t have to hate this person’s work because you disagree with their choice of fandom.” - RinKagamine

“I’d like to add to RinKagamine’s comment. If you don’t like the creator that has put effort into this piece of work, you should really just ignore it. If you persist in trying to spread this hate speech it not only has no point but no gain as well. HyperBlossomNr1 is a real person and you better start treating them like one. You probably wouldn’t like it if someone pointed out a fandom you were once in that is considered ‘cringy’. I know that the creator is a very kind person, and that’s probably why they haven’t deleted this comment yet.” - Captain Salty

Gabi had to hide a squeal that was almost squeaked out of her voice box. People liked her! There were people out there that would back her up. She blinked and rubbed her shiny oculars quickly before looking back at where to comments resided.

Nope, it wasn’t fake.

What’s more, is that it was him. “Captain Salty”. He helped her out again. Just thinking about that made a strange sensation coil around in her stomach and a flush of warmth peak slightly in her skin.

Gabi shook it off. It was distracting her.

“Huh- It turns out I was worried for nothing. Hehe...” The blue-eyed girl mumbled to herself, meekly smiling as she closed her eyes. She took a moment to just stay in that position, forgetting about the world around herself. It was nice, taking a break from thinking.

“Wait... Now that I think about it, didn’t I change my Channel name to “Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki? Hnnn... The idiot must still be using that name out of habit on Youtube...” She muttered, puffing up her right cheek as she did so.

When she opened her eyes again, Gabi’s gaze coincidently flew to the electronic clock that the computer presented on its bright screen.

Her mood was shattered by what was displayed.

“OhcrapohcrapOHCRAP-” She hissed, her voice on the verge of the state of yelling you get when you’re freaked out. “That’s the time already?! Nonono, I’M GONNA FAIL AT THIS RATE.”

Warmed hands forcefully shut the computer that provided her with happiness and Gabi clambered over to her discarded notes and textbook.

At least she was a little bit happier than before.

Salty was quietly re-reading the messages that he and Gabi had sent to each other over Skype. The pixeled screen returned his reflection. It made him happier every time he read them, he didn’t know why though. Why did the comments just have a sort of magnetic pull to them?

That was irrelevant right now.

He gently shook his head and read them again, and that was when he began to notice a pattern about them.

It seemed like Gabi was troubled by something, but he couldn’t put his finger on what.

It was the late-ish afternoon for Salty and that meant it was pretty late for Gabi herself. Nearing midnight or so.

Stretching out his body (stiff from being in one position for so long), Austin got up from leaning on his shabby, dorm-room bed and began to walk over to the door. Maybe today he might have a walk around outside? It was a crisp, autumn day today and the sun was just about peaking through trees outside, nearing it set on the horizon.

Might as well considering he hadn’t had a walk for a long time.

Room-temperatured hands grasped a winter’s overcoat of medium thickness and fastened the piece of clothing onto his chest before helping his heels into a pair of shoes that rested quietly near the door.

Creeeeek.

The door opened; a breath of a breeze whistled from the force of the action and briefly ruffled Austin’s tuffs of hair. He considered his hair to be strange, mainly because of its ability to seemingly transform from blond, to streaks of said tint, light brown and brown. It just depended on the sun, type of day and lighting. The blue-eyed boy paid not too much attention to it nevertheless. He began to walk as he thought.

From being lost in thought to inhaling sharp air, Salty suddenly spiked in his attention to what was happening around him.

People? Not too many to his surprise, most likely because of the fact not many would go out just for the sake of going out at this time of day. The sun was a good natural warmer and allowed Austin to freely walk about without feeling like he was placed in a gigantic freezer.

What caught his cerulean eyes the most, however, were the beautiful tints and splashes of colour that had happened to the trees surrounding the paved path he walked on.

Red. Brown. Gold. Yellow. Orange.

He couldn’t help but notice they were the colours of fire.

A village. Cheers, happy cheers.

“Encore! Encore! We’ll play out this occasion ‘til the end of today!”

“Sir... You sly fool~”

“Now now Lil’ missy, you’re not gon’ go cheeky today, are you? It’s our annual sacrificial day to the *”£$£%^$ of fire! We’ll feast on many delights today!”

“I know sir~,” A feminine giggle, “we’ll pass around the beer and merry our way with the boys!”

A resounding cheer of appreciative noises with a chorus of “Yes!”s, “We will!”s and “Aye!”s, all of high volume echoed in the small village. The light was frenzied and spread everywhere by torches fueled by tinder and fire. Bright smiles, the padded footing of scampering animals, children laughing. The smell of burning.

“More bread everyone?”

“Aye, sir!”

“More Salt?”

“คץ%£$%”

“Yes, yes. Thank you dear hu&^%$”

Cobolt eyes snapped open from panic and Salty’s breathing became ridged and hitched.

He looked around himself in confusion and he realised he was sitting down on an outdoor bench, close to the flaming trees that he personally appreciated. Austin tilted his head to point at the sky.

Flowing teal was now tinted with amber. Occasionally, a faint cloud would hover in the sky. A sign that he’d better make his way back soon.

Slowly easing himself to get up, Salty began to think again. This “vision” that kept on repeating, kept on reoccurring, why did it happen?

Step, step.

Was it perhaps his ideas just running wild? He did know that they had only started recently. Maybe reminiscent pieces of past incompleted dreams? It would always start in the same place and end in, again, the same place. Always starting flashing images of a village and ending with a muffled, blurry female voice being thankful of something.

Step, step.

But why did he remember them so vividly if they were only silly fantasies? Maybe there was a chance they weren’t. It just didn’t seem like something he’d have the imagination to picture the images.

Step. Creek.

The door opened and Austin soon found himself back at the dorm. The door was welcoming, a flick of familiarity for him to help him remember he was where he was.

Climb. Climb.

He walked up the stairs to his designated floor.

At least his mind was a little bit more active now.

An elegant girl strolled through an American high school's corridors, with spectacles that framed her face. She walked quietly and with no intention of talking as she passed. It was after school hours after all, and she was only still at the institution of learning, only because of club activities and revision catch up.

She sighed. How boring.

She slipped her hand into her inner pocket and pulled out her most treasured electronic item.

Her phone.

In doing so, she felt herself smile a little. Even in the midst of madness and frustration her little magic device could just calm her down like a spell. She flicked the screen on and plugged in her invigorating, precious earphones.

Thank god that there was free wi-fi for the students in the school.

Once the earphones were properly secured, she tapped on the “YouTube” application via touchscreen.

As the vivid and bright white and red of the app began to appear, she searched for a bench to sit down on. To thoroughly enjoy the music that she knew was going to brace her ears.

With several tapping, swiping and scrolling noises the girl landed on a channel she admired and recently found.

Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki, formally known as HyperBlossomNr1.

She tapped on a video named “ Hold Release Rakshasa and Carcasses - Kaai Yuki” and closed her eyes and began to listen.

That’s right, she was a hidden Vocaloid fan. And she lived partly on the stuff.

It was funny looking back at some of Gabi′s old works before looking at the creator’s new works because of how much progress they made from when they were new. It inspired her.

She admired the creator so much that she would most definitely defend them, even if it cost her dignity.

Going over to her subscriptions page, the bespectacled girl reloaded the page with a dragged-out down motion with her finger and watched the circling circle go round and round.

School wi-fi was slow. Huh.

Then, a new video popped up in her feed, made by that creator she admired so much. One plainly named “Quick Announcement” and she internally squealed. Of course, she tapped on it eagerly.

As the video was loading, she took the time to read the description of the video and she felt her jaw slowly loosen and fall. Right there, it read,

“ For those of you who can't be bothered to watch the video, here's the quick version:

1) The video will take a while, so don't rush me. That makes me less motivated to work;

2) I'll try to make polls every week or two weeks so you guys could help me decide which cover to do next;

3) There'll be a live stream this Saturday where I'll be doing a live Q&A as well as tuning. Thanks for supporting me, everyone~!”

She squeaked in delight, not caring that the video was beginning to play after being loaded, and began to scroll down to the comments section below, beginning to type her enthusiasm for what was coming with quick hands. It was like she had forgotten that she was still at school.

With soft taps and one last long press, she sent her response and watched her channel name finally appear.

“καgαmίηε rίη”

Feeling satisfied with what had just transpired, “καgαmίηε rίη“ took a lean backward and looked upward to see the roof and upper wall of her school. A wall that just so happened to hang a clock. Such a convenient place...

As coloured, conscious eyes looked at the clock, she let out a very audible screech.

“NONONONOI’MLATE-”

And with that, the girl ran off, worriedly pacing and on the verge of running home.

“hey, you here?” - Captain Salty

“yeah, I’m here and currently screeching” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

“screeching? why?” - Captain Salty

“I did somthing dumb” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

“*something” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

“pfft, y’know you can edit messages on skype, right?” - Captain Salty

“wHAT? HOW?” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

“you using mobile or computer?” - Captain Salty

“computer. mobile probably sucks.” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

“oh- so all you have to do is right-click the message and a pop-up menu should come up with an “edit” option with a pencil sign next to it.” - Captain Salty

“ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

“If you click it, the words you typed should be displayed on the writing bar thingie, and all you have to do is overwrite your mistake and enter it again.” - Captain Salty

“OHHHHHHHH THANK YOU-” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

“pfft, no problem sweetheart.”

“I am not a sweetheart.”

“yeah right.”

“shut up. I’m going back to screeching after this.” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

“wait actually i never got to ask this but why are you screeching?” - Captain Salty

“I told you already, I did something stupid.”

“I wasn’t talking about thhhaaaatttt.”

“fine. I’ll tell you. I’m doing a livestream later on Saturday and i’m mentally screeching because how of dumb i was to think of doing hat and URRGGGH” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

“hey, calm down, I’m sure the stream will be just fine. You're controlling it after all.”

“YEAHBUTWHATIFTHEYHATEMYVOICEORIFIMESSUPLIVEORIFIDON’TSTARTONTHERIGHTTIMEIPROMISEDEVERYONE?!” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

“Gabi calm down. It will be fine, I promise. And if it isn’t i’ll eat a book” - Captain Salty

“I know you’ll enjoy it in the end.” - Captain Salty

“Hnn.... thanks...”

“d’awww, anything for you gabi.”

“sHUSH YOU PIECE OF FRREAKING SALT” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

“fine sweetheart~″

“yoU FRICKEN, oh crap i think i left the stove on sheit” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

“Aww, you have to leave so soon?” - Captain Salty

“yes.” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

“oh. see you later then-” - Captain Salty

“pft, see you later.”

“oh wait! I wanted to ask you something-”

“Oh cool, shoot ahead but quickly because I think I smell something burning.” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

At this moment, Austin pondered on whether to tell Gabi about the extreme visions he had been experiencing. It might lighten the burden it was having on his mind. But in doing so... He might transfer his own weight to her, Gabi, and he definitely didn’t want that. It was one of the last things he wanted to happen to her. So, he begrudgingly wrote;

“Nevermind- you need to check on that stove asap seriously, i’ll talk to you later- yeah?” - Captain Salty

“oh- okay! see you later Salty” - Gabi-Chan-Akatsuki

And even though Salty knew that Gabi had probably ditched her phone by now and had probably gone and checked-out her scorching stove, he still felt obliged to write;

“See you later Princess-”

Continued in Chapter 3.

(I’m evil I know ;w;)

@gabi4chan-akatsuki here you gooooooo~

Back

#Reincarnation fanfic #reincarnation #fanfic #IT'S HERE #GabiChanAkatsuki #Aunt Gabi #Uncle Salty #salty #chapter 2 #awa #Mother Rei #ohhhh it's gonna get interesting now

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kwamiwayzz · 7 years

Text

Why I Left...Then Eventually Came Back (Vent)

Geez...I don’t know how I came to this, but I wanted to vent this out after looking at the last thing I posted before I abandoned took a long-ish hiatus from this Tumblr.

It’s gonna be kinda long since it’s gonna go over a bit of history on the way I felt towards shipping Elsanna back when I was still deep in the fandom and why this account was made...

Warning: A lot of personal baggage under the cut [and I guess you could put mentions of suicidal contemplation]

A bit of background on how I even got around to shipping these two in the first place. I’m not the kind of person to ship things so easily; it may come from the fact that I’m partially asexual/aromantic, who knows? I’ve had smaller ships on the side throughout high school and part of college like KiGo, FlutterDash, Korrasami, and Pearlmethyst (and I guess Bubbline sorta counts?) but the only major ships I’ve ever had in the past were Negitoro (MikuxLuka - Vocaloid), YumiKuri (YmirxChrista - Attack on Titan), and eventually Elsanna (ElsaxAnna - Frozen 2013).

In my junior year of high school I had this huge crush on a friend who I thought I could trust with my feelings despite knowing they could never be reciprocated. She said it was fine at first but not long after she kind of turned around and said she was uncomfortable around me and didn’t want to be seen with me. I was really confused as to why she wasn’t honest in the beginning, but as a young teenager who was still getting used to the feeling of constant rejection it didn’t sit well with me and I panicked a lot because I got really scared of losing a friend also. She wanted to distance herself from me which I reluctantly agreed with, the went on a horrible breakdown that nearly led me to wanting to commit suicide. Holy shit...and this happened when the school year was starting also.

I went along my days hoping the year would end. I was honestly so dead on the inside and didn’t think anything would help me get out of that even though my friends were there trying to cheer me up. I came across Frozen and after seeing the way the sisters interacted I don’t know...I guess it came from what I wanted in a relationship; not necessarily romantic, I just happened to ship it in a romantic way also. So, naturally I gravitated towards that and it distracted me and helped me get out of a 2-month long depression. And it really made me happy...for awhile.

Fast-forward, I came across some buddies on what’s now known (and possibly now-dead) as the ECC, the ElsannaCollabCorner, out of enthusiasm for wanting write and collaborate with other people in this ship. It was pretty fun, I met awesome people like canitellusmthin, not-rotting, the-wandering-quill, and many others, despite not contributing as much as I would have liked (I was still iffy on my writing skills for that particular ship so it was difficult for me to actually put something out there).

I ended up making this account, and to be honest, I also may have lied a bit to some people on the ECC when I mentioned this account is my first experience on Tumblr. It’s not. Previously, I had another account which I’ve long abandoned due to it being associated with so much negativity directed towards Frozen/Elsanna. And I thought making this account would be a fresh start being involved in the fandom.

There was a particular issue that I noted to myself time and time again that explains why I kept disappearing, then reappearing again and it mainly came from me trying to distance myself from the ship and the Frozen fandom in general because of how unhealthily attached I got to it. As much as I loved this pairing (and still do to a certain extent) I hated the way I got super stressed out over not being able to find new content or finding out other people who I’ve followed who shipped it, have lost interest/left the fandom. The biggest blow, I remember, was when one of my favorite EA artists, Patronustrip, had packed her bags and left the fandom completely due to her issues with the fandom itself, issues with the movie franchise, and slow disinterest in the pairing. To me, she was a bit like the Frozenmusings of the EA fandom, so having to see her leave on a bit of a bad note was really depressing, especially since I still wasn’t over what happened to me in junior year.

It was pathetic and horrible and the ship that was once seen as something I took comfort in to get away from heartbreak back in high school, from both rejection of that person and losing them as a friend afterwards, ended up turning into the equivalent of me being trapped in a ridiculously unhealthy, maybe abusive, relationship. That was how I spent most of my college freshman days and in the end I knew that I had to get away from it.

Even after my messed up attachment to this pairing started to dwindle significantly, it didn’t feel right coming back to an account that mostly revolved around Frozen/Elsanna. And seeing nothing but that on my dash...I don’t know...stressed me out in a way? In the end, EA stuff just feels like a bit of a chore and it might be due to the fact that I’m so overexposed to it or that I’ve been spoiled enough by it that it doesn’t really feel like EA anymore.

That’s why after I recently started shipping Saber/Irisviel, it really put things into perspective how spoiled I was being in a popular ship like Elsanna. A large fandom can sometimes attract not the greatest people and those people end up making the ship itself look bad. Lord knows how many times I’ve dealt with seeing bullshit Kristanna vs. Elsanna or Helsa vs. Elsanna bitch fights that went on when I was still in the fandom. Like, KA fandom has their stupid moments, but there were times I sometimes felt like the EA fandom would shift the blame away from themselves (some people, not all). So, in a way, the fandom was one of the few things that drove my interest away from both the pairing and movie for a while. It was a combination of that and me getting sick of running into certain NSFW art and fics that would clog up my dash even though I could easily blacklist it (kinda). It wasn’t always on Tumblr, but some people I recall on Reddit have made remarks on just taking whatever even if its low-quality, which I understand in way but doesn’t entirely apply to EA since the fandom is technically in abundance. I have other issues with the fandom as well, looking back as someone who is no longer really in it anymore, but I’m not sure if I want to go into detail about it right now for the sake of not extending this post any longer

I ended up coming back after curiously wondering what’s been up with some people I’ve been following, and after spending time away from my previous fandom, it’s kind of refreshing that I’m no longer really tied down to it anymore.

In the end I guess I came back because I missed the interactions I would have with some followers and having fun with that on Tumblr. I know I have my other account but I tend to be quiet on that one since I don’t focus on a specific fandom over there. I might not be into EA as much as I used to but I didn’t really have to abandon this account entirely...or the people I somewhat talked to on here.

TL;DR: Left because EA was becoming toxic for me, needed to take a break, came back because I wanted to know how y’all were doing :)

#Turtle Speaks #this technically means this blog is no longer geared being only frozen/elsanna anymore #long post #i also want to start idea dumping again cause I miss the 'turtle ideas'#oh and even though I said EA isn't really something i look into as much anymore that doesn't mean ill suddenly unfollow all those EA blogs #overexposure can really do a number on you...#did i mention i have an issue with the KA fandom's obsession with smut for their pairin?#like EA has smutty stuff but they dedicate special weeks to churn out fanart and fanfics #not really a huge fan of that...even though im not in it #geez i still dont know why i wanted to post all this personal stuff but eh here you go #for anyone who cares lol

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thecriticwithastickupherass-blog · 7 years

Text

{First Post~! Since this is el numero uno, why don’t we start off with some easy bait?}

LENxREADER

(y/n)= Your name

(l/n)= Last name (f/c)= Favorite color (h/c)= Hair color (h/l)= Hair length (e/c)= Eye color (h/s)= Hair style

{Remember this key. It’ll help you for whenever you’re too lazy to come up with your own fantasies.}

Thank you, and enjoy

(P.S: I’m not going to put mature content on, but lemme warn you: THINGS COULD GET SEXY

) ~~~~~

{“THINGS COULD GET SEXY”. Obviously a twelve year old. Obviously a twelve year old… or an adult with the immaturity of a twelve year old. It’s the equivalent to saying “he stuck his thingy in my you-know-what, and we did it for the first time”… actually, it’s the same exact thing.}

My breathing fogged the once stainless glass of the window. I watched the snow fall gently to the ground, building up every second. Many people walked by, laughing or conversing. I sighed again, running my fingers on the glass.

{The way they describe the environment is so… dramatic? I don’t know, perhaps that’s just the way I read…}

Suddenly, I felt a hand curve around my waist. I turned and saw him. Our gazes met, and I was half a world away. Apparently, he had that effect. My breath caught in my throat as he flashed me a smile. I blinked twice so I could focus.

{Ooo, the “I’m a self-conscious, shy girl” approach. ENTICING}

“H-hey,” I murmured, looking down for a second.

“Hey yourself,” he replied.

I grimaced; his voice was music to my ears. His cerulean blue eyes trailed to the spiked choker on my neck. He slightly raised a brow at this new addition to my style, and was probably disappointed that he couldn’t kiss my neck, which was my goal.

{Aw, you sexy beast Len~ You sexual, totally not gay, 14 year old.}

“Are you avoidng my love?” He asked skeptically, tracing a spike on the choker.

{Aha! I knew it!! You can’t go a whole fanfic without an edgy YN. Now to cross off a box on my bingo card~}

I swore silently; he figured it out. “No,” I lied hopelessly. “I just really like this choker.”

“More then you love me?”

{Oh my GOD! Forget about your vampiric fantasies for a second. You know, there’s more places open for kisses. Why not somewhere on the face? Or maybe the collar bone? And if that’s not sexy enough, what about her fucking tit?}

I sighed. There he went, with his word play that never failed to make me guiltly. “I–no, it’s not that…”

“You don’t want my love?”

Wow, how much of a sucker was I for guilt traps.

“You know I do.”

He used his hand to pull me chin up closer to his face.“Then whats the problem?” He asked grinning. His sweet breath fanned across my face, attacking my nostrils. “I..um..err..”

{Haha. Look at those descriptive words. “ATTACKING MY NOSTRILS”. This fanfic is brought to you by someone who only reads drama books or by someone who is trying to get enough words in by being SUPER DESCRIPTIVE.}

My eyes widened and my breath shortened. I guess I still wasnt used to his kissing. It was unique, not like anything I’ve ever done or experienced. Passion took over his lips and he connected them with mine. Of course, I kissed back, curious and confused at the same time.

{How do you kiss someone curiously? Are you curious about the insides of his mouth?}

When he pulled away for the need of air, I was slightly dizzy, my face flushed from his contact. He was breathing heavily, as I was. It was always unexpected when he’d kiss me, so I didn’t have any time to prepare. Or maybe he did give me a warning, and I was just too clueless to figure it out.

I took note of the lust in his eyes. “I’m not ready to lose my virginity yet,” I answered his earlier question, burying my face in his chest.

“So, I’ve noticed,” he said wryly.

“I’m serious. I know you want me,” I said, playing coy.

“Yes, your right, but if your not ready, then I’ll resist for now.”

I scoffed. “For now.”

{Hah? 14? Don’t get me wrong, I know how many 14 year olds are out there watching porn and getting wet but… to actually do it? Not only that, but how out of character this is for Len, a vocaloid that has no assigned personality.}

“I think it’s cute when you play hard to get.”

“I’m not cute or playing hard to get.”

“At least I think you are.”

{Lol? She’s not really playing hard to get. Especially when you’re already dating. If you say this because she doesn’t want sex, that’s still not playing hard to get. You can say no in a relationship?}

“Hmph.”

He chuckled and buried his face in my hair. I sighed, for the fourth time. “What’s on your mind, (n/n)?” He asked me, sounding concerned.

“Not much, just stressing out on the idea of Miku and Rin literally exploding when they see the house,” I said, resisting another sigh.

{Let me guess… “RIN AND MIKU ARE SUCH BITCHES *pity, pity, pity*”. What a cliché :)}

“Eh, it wont be that bad.” Just then, as if on cue, the doorbell rang.

“Speak of the annoying,” I muttered, “and the annoying shall appear.”

He laughed again then left me to get the door. He let Miku and Rin in. They exploded!… into annoying squeals, that is.

“Ooh! How pretty!” Miku said in amazement.

“It’s perfect!” Rin added, twirling around.

Len shot me a look that said, “I told you so.” I covered my ears in irritation. It wasn’t like I didn’t like them; they were my best friends. They were just highly annoying. “Hey, (n/n),” they said in unison, coming at me from all sides.

{I was wrong… slightly. They aren’t bitches per se, the “protagonist” is. How ironic is it that she finds Rin and Miku annoying when Rin has the same voice actor as Len and Miku has a much lower (natural) voice than both of them.}

I stiffened. “Hey…”

“So are your pregnant yet?” They said excited.

{Haha teenage pregnancy. Nice to know Len’s sister is excited to be an aunt~ And, for the record, grammar won’t be focused on unless it’s really fucked.}

My face became a cherry. “Wh-whaa? Pregnant?! Yet!?”

“Don’t play dumb,” Rin said, “your relationship has gone too far to not have done it.” “You say that like you’re an expert,” I muttered.

“Of course we are!” Miku argued. “It’s what friends do for their virgin friends!” “Your a virgin too!”

“For as much as you know!”

I face-palmed myself.

{HahahahahHAHAHAHA so funny! I really enjoy hearing that teenage idols aren’t virgins? Really makes me wet.}

“C'mon, (n/n).. You have to give off hints as to want your want.” Rin paused for a second. “Don’t even think about denying me; we all know you want him.”

Now my face was a tomato. “Umm…” I said. “What kind of hints?”

“Firstly, open up to him. Stand close to him at all times,” Miku inserted in a matter of factly tone.

“Next, embrace him passionately. Speak softly and alluring, and get him in the mood,” Rin instructed. “Also, get him to touch your lady parts without being conspicious. You must always strike when the iron is hot.”

I sweatdropped and sighed. “Okay okay I get it, leave me alone.” “Ooh! I’m so excited!” Miku squealed. “I gotta go, but call me when the sauce is spicey!”

{“I sweatdropped”. That alone is part of anime hell. Also, if Rin and Miku were talking to me, like hell I’d tell them to leave me alone. You think you’re better than them? At least they don’t have the name N/N}

Rin walked her to the door. I stood and walked upstairs to our room. He was there, laying on the bed, eyes shut. I could tell he wasn’t sleeping, but deep in thought.

I stood in the doorway, shyly holding the door halfway open. “Len?” I said quietly. He opened one eye and peered at me before sitting up. He opened his arms wide, a gesture for an embrace. I grimaced, thinking of what Rin said, and went for it, wrappng my arms around his neck.

“Speak softly and alluring,” were Rin’s exact words. I didn’t actually believe their advice would work, but I guess I could give it a shot. What have I got to lose anyway, nothing but my dignity and my courage of course.

“L-Len?” I whimpered. “I…I need to ask you something..” Wow, you wouldn’t guess how embarressing this was, or how much I was blushing.

{What is she trying to accomplish again? Sex? What made her change her mind so quickly? I don’t remember Rin or Miku saying anything other than “I know you want him”.}

“Oh really?” He said, raising an eyebrow. “What is it?”

“Um..”

He looked at me, waiting for an answer.

I nodded timidly as I raised my shirt over my head, revealing my black bra. My face must have been a freaking rose by now.

I grimaced, deciding I’ll kill Rin later, and pulled him even closer to me. He, utterly confused, hugged me back.

“Is there something wrong? Your not acting like you?”

I felt my lip quiver. “I-I.. just feel too.. attracted to you.” I paused, trying to get my wordplay right. “I-I want you.”

{Even though I flat-out told you “no” less than an hour ago. She was too timid to let him kiss her neck. Maybe she’s just very indecisive…}

His eyes widened with shock. Then he let go of me and backed away until he reached the end of the bed. I crawled towards him, highly aware of the budge in his pants.

“Don’t you want me too?” I asked, putting a hand to my lips as my innocence act.

Gently, I pushed him down and laid ontop of him.

“(n/n)–I, uh..”

{Lol, is he gonna be like “no” after saying how “she’s playing hard to get” and how much you wanted her. Don’t get me wrong, sexual acts should always be consensual and never assumed. But in the case of a fanfic written by a 12 year-old… at least try to keep the characters consistent.}

I interuppted him by kissing him. He pressed back for a second, them turned his head to the side, breaking the kiss.

“(n/n)–stop, what are you doing?”

I sat up, feeling defeated. I sighed running a hand through my hair. “I wanna have sex,” I mumbled, almost incoherent.

“I thought you weren’t ready to lose your virginity?”

“Yeah, but Rin and Miku talked me into it,” I muttered.

He sighed too, and sat up to face me. “Don’t let what they say get to your head, you know better.”

{What did I say? Len’s supposed to be seductive, yes? If you want a ticket out of having to write sexual intercourse at least give it a better reason. Perhaps YN never even wants it? It’s strange for both perspectives to change so quickly.}

“Don’t give me a lecture, alright. I’m desperate.”

“Hmph.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I said stupidly.

He patted my head as a sign of forgiveness and gave me another beautiful smile. I puffed my cheeks. At least this was over, I guess. I couldn’t believe how stupid I acted, and because I actually believed what Rin said would get me what I wanted. Being OOC is not a very easy thing.

{She wants it, he DID, but not anymore? I’m just confused. Maybe he has a tiny dick and realized he could never live up to it after sexing it up.}

I plopped down on my back, pulling out my iPod. I listened to “World Is Mine- Kagamine Len Cover” humming softy.

{I’m 90% sure the Len cover of World is Mine is him singing about how much he loves his sister. If you’re talking about a different cover, then either it’s gay or he’s talking about a non-specified girl. Or maybe you just want to hear his MOST BEAUTIFUL VOICE~~~~}

He laid next to me and stole an earphone to listen as well. He shot me a look when he realized it was his song.

{Yes. HIS song. Who’s Ryo? Miku? Lol. Len’s the only vocaloid. The. True. Vocaloid.}

Len moved closer to my ear and whispered, “Daisuki dayo” right on cue with the song. I curled the headphone cord with my finger, staring innocently at him. He stared back, that lust look in his eyes again.

“Strike when the iron’s hot,” Rin’s words echoed in my head again. With a small bit of hope, I shuffled closer to him, my face in his neck. I pulled off my spiked choker and dropped it to the floor. I pulled the silky red ribbon out of my hair, setting it with the choker. My hands curved around his neck as I pulled him closer. He seemed surprised at my actions, but didn’t protest. He stared down at me, clearly amused, but I refused to meet his eyes.

I pecked at his neck, slowly moving my hands through his hair. He hummed in interest and moved a hand down my side. I flinched at his touch, and lifted my head to kiss him. He responded eagerly, sucking on my bottom lip before going to play with my tongue. I resisted, but he forced my mouth open.

{The “he forced my mouth open” cliché. Another one to cross off on my bingo card. Gee, I sure hope “our tongues fought for dominance” is in this too.}

While he was distracted by that, I removed my hands from his head and moved them to his shirt, carefully unbuttoning it.

His lips froze on mine. He disconnected them to glare at me. I could only stare back feebily. He grabbed both my wrists with one hand and pinned them over my head. With the other he rebuttoned the two I managed to undo.

“(n/n), love,” he said through clenched teeth. “Just what do you think you’re doing?” I looked down, not answering. With his free hand, he forced me to look at him. “Tryna seduce you,” I said, barely audible.

He sighed, and squeezed my wrists tighter. “Not tonight.”

“Len…” I whined.

“(y/n), I’m serious.”

I frowned. “I know you are; you used my full name.”

He gave me a wry look.

“Why isn’t tonight as good as any other night?”

“I know you’re not ready.”

“Oh and you are?” I retorted.

He smiled. “I never said I was; you’re the persistant one.”

I scoffed. “If I wasn’t persistant, then who would be?”

“Exactly. So, I’m saying not tonight.”

“What, you’re afraid of hurting me?”

He nodded.“If you’re gonna be persistent, then I have to be the careful one.” He released my hands.

{This whole conversation doesn’t make sense to me. Before he was talking about how he was going to “take you” without a care. But now he’s trying to avoid it. I get it, you want to be careful at 14, yeah? But what would happen if she kept denying his requests? Would he keep talking about how much he wants her? What if she immediately gave in? Would he have to say “WOAH THERE! We need to be careful!!”?? What changed his mind so fucking quickly?}

“Persistent or not, I wanna have sex,” I growled, yanking open the first button of my blouse.

I crushed my lips onto his before he could protest, kissing him angrily.

“Careful, love,” he said against my lips.

“No.”

Finally he pulled away and groaned in frustration.

“(n/n),” he said in a stern voice. “Would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?”

“Do you wanna do that part?” I asked, confused.

{Are you fucking stupid? I know I’ve been saying that he changed his mind so quickly without a reason but you should still respect his wishes. He’s being VERY clear that he does not want it. Being stubborn won’t change it. It’ll just force it on him.}

This earned a small chuckle. “Not tonight,” he said, sitting up.

I stayed down.“Why not?”

“(n/n), we are done discussing this.”

“Well, I’m not.”

I grabbed his shirt in an attempt to pull him back down. He sighed and complied, staring straight at me.

I once again buried my face in his chest. “Do you not love me enough?” I asked. “What an idiotic question; you know I do.”

“Then why cant we–”

{FUCK! She just doesn’t learn! Either that or he’s not being specific enough for her tiny brain!}

“Because I know you; you’ll do anything to get what you want, no matter the consequence.” I closed my eyes and frowned. “I can handle it.”

He laughed once. “Okay, fine.”

I perked up. “You promise?”

“Yes but on one condition.”

I groaned; I should have known he’d pull something like this. “What is it?”

“Marry me.”

{Is this going down the “get married before sex” route? While I understand that belief, it still makes him a hypocrite, especially when they’re in their teens.}

“No way,” I declined automatically.

He huffed. “And why not?”

“Dude, I practically just finished high-school,” I nearly yelled, laughing hysterically in between words,“I’m not gonna be that idiot that just graduated and is already married.” I felt his raise a hand to his face. “(n/n), don’t say stuff like that.” “But you know its true,” I retorted. “Who knows what other people will say when they find out?”

{They aren’t 14 anymore? Well shit. Also, does he REALLY want to get married right after high school? What about college? Or do vocaloids not need college…? Either way, marrying at 21 is really young. 18 is even younger. I don’t recommend that.}

“Since when did you care what other people think?” He asked with a slight edge to his voice.“Besides, they wont even find out.”

“But still…”

“(y/n),” he said softly,“This is basically a once-in-a-lifetime offer. Either marry me, or go to collage.”

{Woah. That almost sounds like a threat. Risk your education and getting a really good job just to marry a high school crush you’ll forget in 2 years. Sounds great!}

I tensed. “Don’t you ever say that cursed word in my presence again.” I shuddered at the thought of going to collage.

“Take it or leave it.” I could hear the grin in his voice.

{Never mind? She doesn’t want to go to college? If not, then what’s the point of even bringing it up? She doesn’t want to go, so where the threat?}

I gave up all together, sighing in defeat. “Please Len,” I begged, voice breaking,“ it’s the only thing I want. I’ll.. go get my driver’s license, and I’ll let you buy me that stupid car.” You wouldn’t guess how much he’s been complaining about getting me a vehicle. “I’ll marry you, and I’ll even go to collage if that makes you happy,” I whined, hopeless,“ just please.”

{Wait, so he wants her to go to college, but he just threatened her that she won’t??? And it sounds like she knew about him wanting her to get an education so, why did she tense up? Either I’m very stupid or this is very inconsistent.}

I held my breath, waiting for the final “no”. When his answer didn’t come immediately, I got suspicious and peeked at his face.

His expression was heart-breaking. It was mixed with confusion and indecision. He stared long and hard at me.

“(n/n)…” he began slowly. “Do you know.. how hard it is.. to refuse, when you’re begging like that?”

“Then don’t refuse?” I suggested breathless.

He shot me a look. “No, I can’t, and I wont. No.”

{But you said you would if she followed through on that one condition. And she did! She followed through on that one, and many more! Yes, sex is consensual. But when you make someone agree on something as important as marriage just to have it… I think it’s important to at least say you’re just uncomfortable with it afterwards, and not because you think the other person is. At this point, you’re just being a dick.}

The word was hard and cold. I grimaced as realization sunk in; I wasn’t wanted and I was unwantable.

I looked down, and planted my face back into his shirt, trying to stop the word from replaying in my head. I shut my eyes and tried to fight the stupid tears from forming. “What now?” he demanded.

I didn’t answer, or look at him. I grind my teeth tightly.

He once again pulled my chin up so that I’d look at him.

A pained look crossed his features. “Did I hurt your feelings?” he asked, horrified.

“No,” I lied, trying to avoid his gaze.

“(n/n), you know why we cant,” he said softly in my ear.“I want you just as much.”

{And she wants you too! You’re both 18 and she agreed to marry you! I don’t understand the problem.}

“Do you really?” I asked, my attempt at being wry failing.

He smiled. “Yes, I do.”

“Don’t seem like it,” I said under my breath.

He sighed. He rolled over, so that I was under him. He grabbed my leg and wrapped it around his waist.

I stopped breathing.

He moved closer, his manhood pressing against my lady part. One hand slid up my shirt to my chest, and the other locked in my hair. His lips reached my neck’s weak spot, and I squeaked in pleasure and shock.

He bit me lightly, but it was enough to make me cry out. I bit my lip tightly.

“Len,” I gasped,“ wh-what are you–”

He cut me off by kissing me fiercely. He slipped his tongue in and widened my mouth. His mouth trailed to my ear piercing. “Satisfyed?” he whispered seductively.

“I- you just..I” I stammered.

He laughed once before sitting up. He pulled me up with him and practically squeezed me to death.

“See, you’re not ready,” he laughed. “If you can’t even handle a sample what makes you think you’re ready for the real thing?”

{I think being like that during such embarrassing moment is normal? And it was really uncalled for after you kept telling her “no” over and over. Either way, if you wanted to prove that to her, why didn’t you do that from the start of the argument instead of wasting 40 minutes getting nothing done? I don’t understand his logic behind any of this.}

He was right; I wasn’t ready. “Hmph.”

I pulled back to look at him. “Very funny, getting my hopes up,” I told him sarcastically.

“Sorry, but it was the only way to convince you,” He grinned.

“Okay fine, I’m not ready,” I admitted.

“That’s what I thought.” Then he sighed, let me go, and went to open the door. Rin and Miku tumbled onto the floor.

My face went neon red.

“Hi there,” Rin said, smiling awkwardly.

“Ehehe..” Miku giggled nervously.

“Evesdropping, huh?” Len asked, raising a brow.

They nodded; Rin was unashamed.

He rubbed his temple. “Don’t implant things in her head, you’ll make her do something she’ll regret,” He told them.

“Hey wasn’t out fault,” Rin argued. “If she didn’t want to make a move, then she wouldn’t have listened!”

{No, I don’t think it’s that. I think it’s more of “if she didn’t want to make a move, then she wouldn’t have made a move!”. They didn’t say ANYTHING convincing other than “I know you want it ;)”.}

“Don’t blame this on me!” I exclaimed, face still flushed.

“Hey, you got what you wanted didn’t you?” Miku said, a creepy expression on her face.

I sweatdropped. “No,” I mumbled, running a hand through my hair, face glowing even more red.

“Alright, get out,” Len said, pointing to the door.

Rin winked at me before leaving and Miku flashed me a grin and two thumbs up before following her.

Len closed the door and turned to me. He smiled sweetly. My blushed lowered to a small red coat around my cheeks as I sheepishly smiled back.

{All in all, this story is inconsistent and fucking stupid. It can’t decide who wants what and when it does, it can’t decide why. Not only that, but it’s conversations linger for forever! It took a good 40 minutes for Len to finally “convince” her.

And that’s it! Wooo! I know, easy bait. But for my first post, might as well.}

#kagamine len #len kagamine #vocaloid #fanfic #fanfiction #lenxreader #hatsune miku #vocaloid len #miku hatsune #rin kagamine #vocaloid miku #kagamine rin #kagamine twins #self insert #bad fanfiction #vocaloid rin #critique #fanfic critique

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