thecriticwithastickupherass-blog

[thecriticwithastickupherass-blog]

{First Post~! Since this is el numero uno, why don’t we start off with some easy bait?}

LENxREADER

(y/n)= Your name

(l/n)= Last name (f/c)= Favorite color (h/c)= Hair color (h/l)= Hair length (e/c)= Eye color (h/s)= Hair style

{Remember this key. It’ll help you for whenever you’re too lazy to come up with your own fantasies.}

Thank you, and enjoy

(P.S: I’m not going to put mature content on, but lemme warn you: THINGS COULD GET SEXY

)                                               ~~~~~

{“THINGS COULD GET SEXY”. Obviously a twelve year old. Obviously a twelve year old… or an adult with the immaturity of a twelve year old. It’s the equivalent to saying “he stuck his thingy in my you-know-what, and we did it for the first time”… actually, it’s the same exact thing.}

My breathing fogged the once stainless glass of the window. I watched the snow fall gently to the ground, building up every second. Many people walked by, laughing or conversing.  I sighed again, running my fingers on the glass.

{The way they describe the environment is so… dramatic? I don’t know, perhaps that’s just the way I read…}

Suddenly, I felt a hand curve around my waist. I turned and saw him. Our gazes met, and I was half a world away. Apparently, he had that effect. My breath caught in my throat as he flashed me a smile. I blinked twice so I could focus.

{Ooo, the “I’m a self-conscious, shy girl” approach. ENTICING}

“H-hey,” I murmured, looking down for a second.

“Hey yourself,” he replied.

I grimaced; his voice was music to my ears. His cerulean blue eyes trailed to the spiked choker on my neck. He slightly raised a brow at this new addition to my style, and was probably disappointed that he couldn’t kiss my neck, which was my goal.

{Aw, you sexy beast Len~ You sexual, totally not gay, 14 year old.}

“Are you avoidng my love?” He asked skeptically, tracing a spike on the choker.

{Aha! I knew it!! You can’t go a whole fanfic without an edgy YN. Now to cross off a box on my bingo card~}

I swore silently; he figured it out. “No,” I lied hopelessly. “I just really like this choker.”

“More then you love me?”

{Oh my GOD! Forget about your vampiric fantasies for a second. You know, there’s more places open for kisses. Why not somewhere on the face? Or maybe the collar bone? And if that’s not sexy enough, what about her fucking tit?}

I sighed. There he went, with his word play that never failed to make me guiltly. “I–no, it’s not that…”

“You don’t want my love?”

Wow, how much of a sucker was I for guilt traps.

“You know I do.”

He used his hand to pull me chin up closer to his face.“Then whats the problem?” He asked grinning. His sweet breath fanned across my face, attacking my nostrils. “I..um..err..”

{Haha. Look at those descriptive words. “ATTACKING MY NOSTRILS”. This fanfic is brought to you by someone who only reads drama books or by someone who is trying to get enough words in by being SUPER DESCRIPTIVE.}

My eyes widened and my breath shortened. I guess I still wasnt used to his kissing. It was unique, not like anything I’ve ever done or experienced. Passion took over his lips and he connected them with mine. Of course, I kissed back, curious and confused at the same time.

{How do you kiss someone curiously? Are you curious about the insides of his mouth?}

When he pulled away for the need of air, I was slightly dizzy, my face flushed from his contact. He was breathing heavily, as I was. It was always unexpected when he’d kiss me, so I didn’t have any time to prepare. Or maybe he did give me a warning, and I was just too clueless to figure it out.

I took note of the lust in his eyes. “I’m not ready to lose my virginity yet,” I answered his earlier question, burying my face in his chest.

“So, I’ve noticed,” he said wryly.

“I’m serious. I know you want me,” I said, playing coy.

“Yes, your right, but if your not ready, then I’ll resist for now.”

I scoffed. “For now.”

{Hah? 14? Don’t get me wrong, I know how many 14 year olds are out there watching porn and getting wet but… to actually do it? Not only that, but how out of character this is for Len, a vocaloid that has no assigned personality.}

“I think it’s cute when you play hard to get.”

“I’m not cute or playing hard to get.”

“At least I think you are.”

{Lol? She’s not really playing hard to get. Especially when you’re already dating. If you say this because she doesn’t want sex, that’s still not playing hard to get. You can say no in a relationship?}

“Hmph.”

He chuckled and buried his face in my hair. I sighed, for the fourth time. “What’s on your mind, (n/n)?” He asked me, sounding concerned.

“Not much, just stressing out on the idea of Miku and Rin literally exploding when they see the house,” I said, resisting another sigh.

{Let me guess… “RIN AND MIKU ARE SUCH BITCHES *pity, pity, pity*”. What a cliché :)}

“Eh, it wont be that bad.” Just then, as if on cue, the doorbell rang.

“Speak of the annoying,” I muttered, “and the annoying shall appear.”

He laughed again then left me to get the door. He let Miku and Rin in. They exploded!… into annoying squeals, that is.

“Ooh! How pretty!” Miku said in amazement.

“It’s perfect!” Rin added, twirling around.

Len shot me a look that said, “I told you so.” I covered my ears in  irritation. It wasn’t like I didn’t like them; they were my best friends. They were just highly annoying. “Hey, (n/n),” they said in unison, coming at me from all sides.

{I was wrong… slightly. They aren’t bitches per se, the “protagonist” is. How ironic is it that she finds Rin and Miku annoying when Rin has the same voice actor as Len and Miku has a much lower (natural) voice than both of them.}

I stiffened. “Hey…”

“So are your pregnant yet?” They said excited.

{Haha teenage pregnancy. Nice to know Len’s sister is excited to be an aunt~ And, for the record, grammar won’t be focused on unless it’s really fucked.}

My face became a cherry. “Wh-whaa? Pregnant?! Yet!?”

“Don’t play dumb,” Rin said, “your relationship has gone too far to not have done it.” “You say that like you’re an expert,” I muttered.

“Of course we are!” Miku argued. “It’s what friends do for their virgin friends!” “Your a virgin too!”

“For as much as you know!”

I face-palmed myself.

{HahahahahHAHAHAHA so funny! I really enjoy hearing that teenage idols aren’t virgins? Really makes me wet.}

“C'mon, (n/n).. You have to give off hints as to want your want.” Rin paused for a second. “Don’t even think about denying me; we all know you want him.”

Now my face was a tomato. “Umm…” I said. “What kind of hints?”

“Firstly, open up to him. Stand close to him at all times,” Miku inserted in a matter of factly tone.

“Next, embrace him passionately. Speak softly and alluring, and get him in the mood,” Rin instructed. “Also, get him to touch your lady parts without being conspicious. You must always strike when the iron is hot.”

I sweatdropped and sighed. “Okay okay I get it, leave me alone.” “Ooh! I’m so excited!” Miku squealed. “I gotta go, but call me when the sauce is spicey!”

{“I sweatdropped”. That alone is part of anime hell. Also, if Rin and Miku were talking to me, like hell I’d tell them to leave me alone. You think you’re better than them? At least they don’t have the name N/N}

Rin walked her to the door. I stood and walked upstairs to our room. He was there, laying on the bed, eyes shut. I could tell he wasn’t sleeping, but deep in thought.

I stood in the  doorway, shyly holding the door halfway open. “Len?” I said quietly. He opened one eye and peered at me before sitting up. He opened his arms wide, a gesture for an embrace.  I grimaced, thinking of what Rin said, and went for it, wrappng my arms around his neck.

“Speak softly and alluring,” were Rin’s exact words. I didn’t actually believe their advice would work, but I guess I could give it a shot. What have I got to lose anyway, nothing but my dignity and my courage of course.

“L-Len?” I whimpered. “I…I need to ask you something..” Wow, you wouldn’t guess how embarressing this was, or how much I was blushing.

{What is she trying to accomplish again? Sex? What made her change her mind so quickly? I don’t remember Rin or Miku saying anything other than “I know you want him”.}

“Oh really?” He said, raising an eyebrow. “What is it?”

“Um..”

He looked at me, waiting for an answer.

I nodded timidly as I raised my shirt over my head, revealing my black bra. My face must have been a freaking rose by now.

I grimaced, deciding I’ll kill Rin later, and pulled him even closer to me. He, utterly confused, hugged me back.

“Is there something wrong? Your not acting like you?”

I felt my lip quiver. “I-I.. just feel too.. attracted to you.” I paused, trying to get my wordplay right. “I-I want you.”

{Even though I flat-out told you “no” less than an hour ago. She was too timid to let him kiss her neck. Maybe she’s just very indecisive…}

His eyes widened with shock. Then he let go of me and backed away until he reached the end of the bed. I crawled towards him, highly aware of the budge in his pants.

“Don’t you want me too?” I asked, putting a hand to my lips as my innocence act.

Gently, I pushed him down and laid ontop of him.

“(n/n)–I, uh..”

{Lol, is he gonna be like “no” after saying how “she’s playing hard to get” and how much you wanted her. Don’t get me wrong, sexual acts should always be consensual and never assumed. But in the case of a fanfic written by a 12 year-old… at least try to keep the characters consistent.}

I interuppted him by kissing him. He pressed back for a second, them turned his head to the side, breaking the kiss.

“(n/n)–stop, what are you doing?”

I sat up, feeling defeated. I sighed running a hand through my hair. “I wanna have sex,” I mumbled, almost incoherent.

“I thought you weren’t ready to lose your virginity?”

“Yeah, but Rin and Miku talked me into it,” I muttered.

He sighed too,  and sat up to face me. “Don’t let what they say get to your head, you know better.”

{What did I say? Len’s supposed to be seductive, yes? If you want a ticket out of having to write sexual intercourse at least give it a better reason. Perhaps YN never even wants it? It’s strange for both perspectives to change so quickly.}

“Don’t give me a lecture, alright. I’m desperate.”

“Hmph.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I said stupidly.

He patted my head as a sign of forgiveness and gave me another beautiful smile. I puffed my cheeks. At least this was over, I guess. I couldn’t believe how stupid I acted, and because I actually believed what Rin said would get me what I wanted. Being OOC is not a very easy thing.

{She wants it, he DID, but not anymore? I’m just confused. Maybe he has a tiny dick and realized he could never live up to it after sexing it up.}

I plopped down on my back, pulling out my iPod. I listened to “World Is Mine- Kagamine Len Cover” humming softy.

{I’m 90% sure the Len cover of World is Mine is him singing about how much he loves his sister. If you’re talking about a different cover, then either it’s gay or he’s talking about a non-specified girl. Or maybe you just want to hear his MOST BEAUTIFUL VOICE~~~~}

He laid next to me and stole an earphone to listen as well. He shot me a look when he realized it was his song.

{Yes. HIS song. Who’s Ryo? Miku? Lol. Len’s the only vocaloid. The. True. Vocaloid.}

Len moved closer to my ear and whispered, “Daisuki dayo” right on cue with the song.  I curled the headphone cord with my finger, staring innocently at him. He stared back, that lust look in his eyes again.

“Strike when the iron’s hot,” Rin’s words echoed in my head again. With a small bit of hope,  I shuffled closer to him, my face in his neck. I pulled off my spiked choker and dropped it to the floor. I pulled the silky red ribbon out of my hair, setting it with the choker. My hands curved around his neck as I pulled him closer. He seemed surprised at my actions, but didn’t protest. He stared down at me, clearly amused, but I refused to meet his eyes.

I pecked at his neck, slowly moving my hands through his hair. He hummed in interest and moved a hand down my side. I flinched at his touch, and lifted my head to kiss him. He responded eagerly, sucking on my bottom lip before going to play with my tongue. I resisted, but he forced my mouth open.

{The “he forced my mouth open” cliché. Another one to cross off on my bingo card. Gee, I sure hope “our tongues fought for dominance” is in this too.}

While he was distracted by that, I removed my hands from his head and moved them to his shirt, carefully unbuttoning it.

His lips froze on mine. He disconnected them to glare at me. I could only stare back feebily. He grabbed both my wrists with one hand and pinned them over my head. With the other he rebuttoned the two I managed to undo.

“(n/n), love,” he said through clenched teeth. “Just what do you think you’re doing?” I looked down, not answering. With his free hand, he forced me to look at him. “Tryna seduce you,” I said, barely audible.

He sighed, and squeezed my wrists tighter. “Not tonight.”

“Len…” I whined.

“(y/n), I’m serious.”

I frowned. “I know you are; you used my full name.”

He gave me a wry look.

“Why isn’t tonight as good as any other night?”

“I know you’re not ready.”

“Oh and you are?” I retorted.

He smiled. “I never said I was; you’re the persistant one.”

I scoffed. “If I wasn’t persistant, then who would be?”

“Exactly. So, I’m saying not tonight.”

“What, you’re afraid of hurting me?”

He nodded.“If you’re gonna be persistent, then I have to be the careful one.” He released my hands.

{This whole conversation doesn’t make sense to me. Before he was talking about how he was going to “take you” without a care. But now he’s trying to avoid it. I get it, you want to be careful at 14, yeah? But what would happen if she kept denying his requests? Would he keep talking about how much he wants her? What if she immediately gave in? Would he have to say “WOAH THERE! We need to be careful!!”?? What changed his mind so fucking quickly?}

“Persistent or not, I wanna have sex,” I growled, yanking open the first button of my blouse.

I crushed my lips onto his before he could protest, kissing him angrily.

“Careful, love,” he said against my lips.

“No.”

Finally he pulled away and groaned in frustration.

“(n/n),” he said in a stern voice. “Would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?”

“Do you wanna do that part?” I asked, confused.

{Are you fucking stupid? I know I’ve been saying that he changed his mind so quickly without a reason but you should still respect his wishes. He’s being VERY clear that he does not want it. Being stubborn won’t change it. It’ll just force it on him.}

This earned a small chuckle. “Not tonight,” he said, sitting up.

I stayed down.“Why not?”

“(n/n), we are done discussing this.”

“Well, I’m not.”

I grabbed his shirt in an attempt to pull him back down. He sighed and complied, staring straight at me.

I once again buried my face in his chest. “Do you not love me enough?” I asked. “What an idiotic question; you know I do.”

“Then why cant we–”

{FUCK! She just doesn’t learn! Either that or he’s not being specific enough for her tiny brain!}

“Because I know you; you’ll do anything to get what you want, no matter the consequence.” I closed my eyes and frowned. “I can handle it.”

He laughed once. “Okay, fine.”

I perked up. “You promise?”

“Yes but on one condition.”

I groaned; I should have known he’d pull something like this. “What is it?”

“Marry me.”

{Is this going down the “get married before sex” route? While I understand that belief, it still makes him a hypocrite, especially when they’re in their teens.}

“No way,” I declined automatically.

He huffed. “And why not?”

“Dude, I practically just finished high-school,” I nearly yelled, laughing hysterically in between words,“I’m not gonna be that idiot that just graduated and is already married.” I felt his raise a hand to his face. “(n/n), don’t say stuff like that.” “But you know its true,” I retorted. “Who knows what other people will say when they find out?”

{They aren’t 14 anymore? Well shit. Also, does he REALLY want to get married right after high school? What about college? Or do vocaloids not need college…? Either way, marrying at 21 is really young. 18 is even younger. I don’t recommend that.}

“Since when did you care what other people think?” He asked with a slight edge to his voice.“Besides, they wont even find out.”

“But still…”

“(y/n),” he said softly,“This is basically a once-in-a-lifetime offer. Either marry me, or go to collage.”

{Woah. That almost sounds like a threat. Risk your education and getting a really good job just to marry a high school crush you’ll forget in 2 years. Sounds great!}

I tensed. “Don’t you ever say that cursed word in my presence again.”  I shuddered at the thought of going to collage.

“Take it or leave it.” I could hear the grin in his voice.

{Never mind? She doesn’t want to go to college? If not, then what’s the point of even bringing it up? She doesn’t want to go, so where the threat?}

I gave up all together, sighing in defeat. “Please Len,” I begged, voice breaking,“ it’s the only thing I want. I’ll.. go get my driver’s license, and I’ll let you buy me that stupid car.” You wouldn’t guess how much he’s been complaining about getting me a vehicle. “I’ll marry you, and I’ll even go to collage if that makes you happy,” I whined, hopeless,“ just please.”

{Wait, so he wants her to go to college, but he just threatened her that she won’t??? And it sounds like she knew about him wanting her to get an education so, why did she tense up? Either I’m very stupid or this is very inconsistent.}

I held my breath, waiting for the final “no”. When his answer didn’t come immediately, I got suspicious and peeked at his face.

His expression was heart-breaking. It was mixed with confusion and indecision. He stared long and hard at me.

“(n/n)…” he began slowly. “Do you know.. how hard it is.. to refuse, when you’re begging like that?”

“Then don’t refuse?” I suggested breathless.

He shot me a look. “No, I can’t, and I wont. No.”

{But you said you would if she followed through on that one condition. And she did! She followed through on that one, and many more! Yes, sex is consensual. But when you make someone agree on something as important as marriage just to have it… I think it’s important to at least say you’re just uncomfortable with it afterwards, and not because you think the other person is. At this point, you’re just being a dick.}

The word was hard and cold. I grimaced as realization sunk in; I wasn’t wanted and I was unwantable.

I looked down, and planted my face back into his shirt, trying to stop the word from replaying in my head. I shut my eyes and tried to fight the stupid tears from forming. “What now?” he demanded.

I didn’t answer, or look at him. I grind my teeth tightly.

He once again pulled my chin up so that I’d look at him.

A pained look crossed his features. “Did I hurt your feelings?” he asked, horrified.

“No,” I lied, trying to avoid his gaze.

“(n/n), you know why we cant,” he said softly in my ear.“I want you just as much.”

{And she wants you too! You’re both 18 and she agreed to marry you! I don’t understand the problem.}

“Do you really?” I asked, my attempt at being wry failing.

He smiled. “Yes, I do.”

“Don’t seem like it,” I said under my breath.

He sighed. He rolled over, so that I was under him. He grabbed my leg and wrapped it around his waist.

I stopped breathing.

He moved closer, his manhood pressing against my lady part. One hand slid up my shirt to my chest, and the other locked in my hair. His lips reached my neck’s weak spot, and I squeaked in pleasure and shock.

He bit me lightly, but it was enough to make me cry out. I bit my lip tightly.

“Len,” I gasped,“ wh-what are you–”

He cut me off by kissing me fiercely. He slipped his tongue in and widened my mouth. His mouth trailed to my ear piercing. “Satisfyed?” he whispered seductively.

“I- you just..I” I stammered.

He laughed once before sitting up. He pulled me up with him and practically squeezed me to death.

“See, you’re not ready,” he laughed. “If you can’t even handle a sample what makes you think you’re ready for the real thing?”

{I think being like that during such embarrassing moment is normal? And it was really uncalled for after you kept telling her “no” over and over. Either way, if you wanted to prove that to her, why didn’t you do that from the start of the argument instead of wasting 40 minutes getting nothing done? I don’t understand his logic behind any of this.}

He was right; I wasn’t ready. “Hmph.”

I pulled back to look at him. “Very funny, getting my hopes up,” I told him sarcastically.

“Sorry, but it was the only way to convince you,” He grinned.

“Okay fine, I’m not ready,” I admitted.

“That’s what I thought.” Then he sighed, let me go, and went to open the door. Rin and Miku tumbled onto the floor.

My face went neon red.

“Hi there,” Rin said, smiling awkwardly.

“Ehehe..” Miku giggled nervously.

“Evesdropping, huh?” Len asked, raising a brow.

They nodded; Rin was unashamed.

He rubbed his temple. “Don’t implant things in her head, you’ll make her do something she’ll regret,” He told them.

“Hey wasn’t out fault,” Rin argued. “If she didn’t want to make a move, then she wouldn’t have listened!”

{No, I don’t think it’s that. I think it’s more of “if she didn’t want to make a move, then she wouldn’t have made a move!”. They didn’t say ANYTHING convincing other than “I know you want it ;)”.}

“Don’t blame this on me!” I exclaimed, face still flushed.

“Hey, you got what you wanted didn’t you?” Miku said, a creepy expression on her face.

I sweatdropped. “No,” I mumbled, running a hand through my hair, face glowing even more red.

“Alright, get out,” Len said, pointing to the door.

Rin winked at me before leaving and Miku flashed me a grin and two thumbs up before following her.

Len closed the door and turned to me. He smiled sweetly. My blushed lowered to a small red coat around my cheeks as I sheepishly smiled back.

{All in all, this story is inconsistent and fucking stupid. It can’t decide who wants what and when it does, it can’t decide why. Not only that, but it’s conversations linger for forever! It took a good 40 minutes for Len to finally “convince” her.

And that’s it! Wooo! I know, easy bait. But for my first post, might as well.}

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