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#at least i know that there are a few people who actually do know/like them though
mattslolita · 3 days
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𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑻 𝑻𝑶 𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑻 ( 𝒏. 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒓𝒃! )
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✮ ⋆ ˚。💌 ⋆。°✮✮ ⋆ ˚。💌 ⋆。°✮✮ ⋆ ˚。💌 ⋆。°✮✮ ⋆ ˚。💌 ⋆。°✮✮ ⋆ ˚。💌 ⋆。°✮
since the beginning of his senior year, nick has been receiving love letters in his locker.
he was shocked by it, to say the least — the first one he was gifted was on the second day of school. the untidy scrawl of the handwriting was printed on lined paper, wrapped in a pretty red bow and white envelope. when he first opened his locker, the letter sat on the bottom shelf, pretty as a picture.
his first thought was that it was some kind of prank someone had pulled on him, mostly because of his coming out and the scare that people were making fun of him.
but as the days progressed, the letters didn't stop — and nick had kept every single one of them, cherishing the sweet words written on the lines. after the fourth letter, nick eventually told his brothers about them; they teased him playfully about it at first, but soon they had also become curious as to who was leaving nick the letters.
it was the third semester of senior year now, and the letters hadn't ceased. they were always left in his locker on fridays right before the weekend, which nick found sweet since he'd be thinking about it through the weekend nonstop.
this friday was no exception — nick had forgotten a textbook he needed to study for a quiz over the weekend, which caused him to be walking towards his locker as he groans about the subject.
the dreadhead boy who had been looking out for nick peeks his head around the corner, seeing the sturniolo boy approaching his locker. he watches him put in his combination, the boy biting down on this thumbnail as nick unlocks his locker.
a prettily wrapped letter falls to the floor, and nick steps back and bends down to pick it up, a smile gracing his features as he rubs his thumb along it.
he had always been to shy to properly tell nick that he was the mystery guy, afraid that nick would reject him — he doubted nick even remembered who he was, even though they shared a few classes and even exchanged glances sometimes.
nick's smile grew wider as he read the letter, and a sudden confidence struck the dreadhead boy as he looked over at nick.
if he didn't make his move soon, someone else might.
so he shyly comes out from where he's hiding, beginning to walk towards nick. the sturniolo boy's back is faced towards him, so he doesn't see the brown skinned boy approach him nervously.
as he draws nearer, he catches a whiff of nick's cologne which fills his senses. he delivers a tap to nick's shoulder, causing the blue eyed boy's eyes to widen as he turns around.
"uh...hi?" nick questions, causing the boy to cough awkwardly as he looks at nick, "can i help you?"
"I'm uh, i'm y/n," he introduces himself, bouncing on the heels of his feet, feeling his nerves going crazy. "we share like four classes, i sit towards the front mostly but you sit in the back..."
"yeah, i remember you," nick tells him, causing his eyes to snap up towards nick's in pure shock.
"you...do?" he asks again, and nick nods slowly, a small smile creeping onto his face.
"you're the only one in our econ class who wears glasses," nick says, his cheeks tinging pink as he admits what he noticed about him.
"so you do notice me..." the dreadhead boy says, his eyes twinkling as he smiles, "well that's good to know, since i'm the one who's been writing you those letters."
nick's eyes are now wide with shock as he stares at the boy, his cheeks burning a scarlet hue. "it's you, you write these?"
the boy chuckles and scratches the back of his neck, fixing his glasses on his nose. "yeah. i was always too scared to talk to you face to face."
"so what made you brave enough to now?" nick teases, tilting his head slightly.
"i was actually wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime," he asks nick, his eyes glimmering hopefully, "it's cool if you don't want to, i under-"
"i'd love that," nick interrupts him, his smile widening at the flustered boy in front of him.
"actually?" he asks nick again, causing nick to chuckle and nod his head as he runs a hand through his hair. "can i have your number?"
"definitely," nick says shyly, taking his phone out of his pocket, handing it to y/n.
his hands are shaking slightly as he realizes he's getting the number of the boy of his dreams — after putting his number into his phone, he hands it back to him with a grin, their hands brushing slightly which causes the both of them to smile shyly.
"so um, i'll see you sometime this weekend?" he asks, and nods at this.
"it's a date."
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nayziiz · 1 day
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Stay | LN4
Summary: A new romantic prospect puts things into perspective in the best and worst ways possible.
Pairing: Lando Norris x OC (Cara)
Warnings: Angst
Masterlist
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CHAPTER 6
The music was louder than Cara expected when they entered the club. Maya immediately dragged Lando over to the bar to get drinks, and Max and Pietra went on a mission to find the private booth Maya had apparently arranged. Cara hung back for a minute and surveyed the scene. It wasn't her go-to place regardless of the country she found herself in. She sighed, defeated, knowing she would be spending most of her night being miserable.
Trying to make the best of it, Cara wandered over to the bar, deciding to get herself a drink. She squeezed through the crowd and managed to catch the bartender's attention, ordering a simple gin and tonic. As she waited for her drink, she couldn't help but notice Lando and Maya at the other end of the bar, Maya clinging onto Lando's arm as they laughed together.
Cara felt a pang of something she couldn't quite place—jealousy, maybe? She quickly dismissed the thought, reminding herself that she and Lando were just friends. Still, it was hard to ignore the growing discomfort she felt every time she saw them together.
“Here's your drink,” the bartender said, breaking her train of thought. She thanked him and took a sip, letting the cool liquid calm her nerves. She turned away from the bar and tried to spot Max and Pietra, hoping to find some solace in their company.
After a few minutes of searching, she finally saw Max waving her over from a corner booth. She weaved through the throng of people, grateful to finally sit down and escape the chaos for a bit. When she reached the booth, Pietra scooted over to make room for her.
“Never really been your scene, huh?” Max observed, a knowing smirk on his face.
“Not at all. But hey, at least I've got you guys to keep me company,” Cara shook her head, managing a small smile.
“Don't worry, we'll make sure you have a good time,” Pietra assured her with a pat on the shoulder.
“See, she looks so out of place,” Maya whined when she looked back at Cara. Lando followed her eyes and found Cara slowly moving towards Max and Pietra.
“Cut her some slack, she's trying,” Lando countered, a hint of frustration in his voice.
“Why do you defend her so much?” Maya asked, her tone a mix of curiosity and annoyance.
“Because she's one of my best friends, Maya.” Lando sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to find the right words.
“It just feels like she's always around, and I don't get why you prioritise her so much.” Maya pouted, clearly unsatisfied with his answer. Lando took a deep breath, trying to stay calm.
“Cara is important to me, just like Max, just like Pietra. We've been through a lot together. It's not about prioritising; it's about recognizing the people who genuinely care about you. You should give her a chance, get to know her better.” Lando continued. Maya rolled her eyes as she shifted closer to Lando, linking her arm through his.
“Baby, she's not like us, she doesn't fit in,”  Maya retorted, her tone dismissive.
“Like us? What does that even mean?” Lando asked, baffled by Maya's comment. “Alright, if you want to see me defensive, keep saying stuff like that.”
“Calm down, Lan. I'm just sharing my opinion,” Maya shrugged, trying to downplay the situation.
“No, you're being mean towards her, and that's not cool, Maya. She's only been nice to you,” Lando continued, his voice firm.
“Whatever, Lan. I just think you should focus more on us.” Maya rolled her eyes at him once more. Lando shook his head, feeling a growing frustration.
“It's not a competition, Maya. If you can't accept my friends, then this won't work.” Lando informed her. Maya stared at him, a mixture of anger and hurt in her eyes. “Give her a chance. You might actually like her if you got to know her.”
Maya didn't respond, instead turning her attention back to the bar. Lando sighed, knowing that this was far from over, but determined to stand by his friend.
Cara spotted Lando and Maya in an intense conversation from their reserved booth where she sat with Pietra and Max, who were also chatting away. She nudged Pietra, drawing her attention to the scene unfolding at the bar. Pietra turned to look at what Cara was indicating.
"Trouble in paradise?" Pietra asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Who knows?" Cara sighed again, feeling a pang of discomfort at the sight.
Max, picking up on the shift in conversation, turned his attention to the bar as well. "Looks like things are getting heated over there."
Cara nodded, taking a sip of her drink. "Yeah, it does."
Pietra leaned in closer to Cara. "You okay?"
Cara forced a small smile. "Yeah, just...it's been a weird night."
Max gave her a sympathetic look. "Weird how?"
Cara hesitated, glancing at Lando and Maya again. "Just...Maya's been making things a bit uncomfortable. I feel like I'm in the way."
Pietra put a reassuring hand on Cara's arm. "You know you're not in the way, right? You're part of this group, and we all want you here."
Throughout the night as the drinks flowed, Cara loosened up and even ended up on the dancefloor. She danced with some girls for a while, and then the men started approaching her. Lando ground his teeth, his jaw locked, as he watched her dance against a new man every few minutes, a goofy smile plastered on her face as she did so.
He could feel the frustration bubbling inside him, his protective instincts flaring up with each passing moment. He knew Cara was just trying to have a good time and shake off the evening's earlier discomfort, but it didn't stop the surge of jealousy and concern he felt seeing her surrounded by strangers.
Maya noticed Lando's attention was securely on Cara and nothing else the second she went on the dancefloor, so in a huff, she left the club without saying goodbye to Lando. She felt a sting of betrayal and disappointment as she pushed through the throng of people, heading for the exit. Her dramatic departure went unnoticed by Lando, who was too engrossed in his moment with Cara to see anything else.
Lando was able to contain himself until he saw another new man approach Cara. The man slid in behind her, grabbing her hips as they swayed, and pressed himself right against her. She didn't move away from him, not even when his hands travelled around to her waist and later to her butt and thighs. Lando's blood was boiling as he stood and watched.
Max, noticing Lando's agitation, nudged him. "You okay, mate?"
Lando forced a tight smile. "Yeah, just... keeping an eye on things."
Max followed his gaze to where Cara was dancing, understanding dawning on his face. "She's just having fun, man. Let her enjoy herself."
Lando sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I know, I know. It's just hard to watch."
Pietra, joining the conversation, leaned in. "Maybe you should go dance with her?"
Lando hesitated. "I don't know if that's a good idea."
Pietra gave him an encouraging smile. "It might be exactly what she needs. Besides, it's clear you're not happy just standing here."
He walked through the crowd to where she was. The man dancing with her had disappeared, and Lando took the opportunity to wrap his arms around her waist from behind to see what her reaction would be. Instead of pushing his hands away, she rested her hands on his and intertwined her fingers with his. She pressed her body against his and swayed to the beat of the music. She rested the back of her head against his chest and turned her head slightly so she could just, ever so slightly, brush the tip of her icy nose against the skin of his neck.
“You know it's me, right?” Lando asked, his voice soft yet tinged with a hint of amusement.
“Uh-huh,” she hummed, warm from both the alcohol and by Lando’s sudden presence behind her.
“I thought I'd join you,” he replied, trying to keep his tone light. “Looks like you're having fun.”
"I am. But I wouldn't mind a familiar face to dance with,” she admitted, a slight flush to her cheeks. 
“Well, here I am.” He grinned, relieved.
Lando and Cara continued to dance, their laughter and movements synchronised. The energy between them was palpable, drawing a few curious glances from onlookers but mostly just blending into the vibrant, carefree atmosphere of the dancefloor. Max and Pietra, seated in the booth, observed the scene with satisfaction.
“Looks like they’re finally letting their feelings take control,” Max commented, leaning back with a contented smile. Pietra nodded.
“It's about time. They both needed this.” Pietra agreed, hinting at all of the months and trips they spent watching Lando and Cara dance around each other and their feelings.
After their night at the club, the unexpected intimacy they shared on the dance floor lingering in their minds, Cara and Lando found themselves back at the apartment. The atmosphere was filled with a mixture of awkwardness and anticipation, as both of them tried to process the shift in their relationship. They had reversed roles for the evening: Lando took the couch, and Cara took his bed.
Cara lay in Lando's bed, surrounded by the scent of him that clung to the sheets and pillows. She turned over and buried her face into his pillow, breathing in deeply. His scent was comforting, but without him being close, it felt suffocating and incomplete. The bed felt enormous and empty without his presence. It was cold. Too cold. She pulled the blankets tighter around herself, trying to find some semblance of warmth, but it was no use. The events of the night replayed in her mind, especially the moment on the dance floor when she had felt so safe and connected in his arms.
In the living room, Lando tossed and turned on the couch. The cushions felt foreign and uncomfortable, a far cry from the familiarity of his bed. The eerie loneliness of the room gnawed at him, amplified by the silence of the early morning hours. He stared up at the ceiling, his thoughts consumed by the feel of touch and the way she had fit so perfectly in his arms. He couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness that filled the room without her presence nearby.
Both of them were restless, struggling to find comfort in their new sleeping arrangements. The distance between them felt greater than the physical space that separated the couch from the bedroom. They were both acutely aware of each other's absence, and it weighed heavily on their hearts.
His bedroom door creaked open, and Cara stood leaning against the doorframe, watching Lando toss from one side of the couch to the other. The sight of him struggling to find comfort tugged at her heart. She could see the unease etched on his face, and it mirrored her own feelings of restlessness.
“Not comfortable?” she whispered as she approached him, halting his movements.
“Something like that,” he admitted, sitting back with a sigh. He looked despondent, the weight of the night’s events clearly still on his mind. Cara took a seat beside him, their shoulders brushing. “Why are you still up?”
“I’m not entirely sure,” she confessed, pulling her sweatshirt’s sleeves over her hands. The fabric provided a small comfort against the cold, but it did nothing to quell the chill she felt inside.
Lando sat there, his heart pounding against his ribcage like a caged bird desperate for freedom. His mind raced, a flurry of doubts and uncertainties clouding his judgement. Was this the right moment? Would she think he was being too forward? A myriad of questions bombarded his thoughts, threatening to drown out the faint whisper of courage that urged him forward.
Yet, amidst the chaos of his mind, there was a flicker of something different—an ember of spontaneity and daring that dared to defy his apprehensions. It was that tiny spark that propelled him forward, urging him to take a leap of faith into the unknown. For a brief moment, he hesitated, his lips parting as if to speak, only to falter at the brink of uncertainty.
But then, with a surge of determination, he silenced his doubts and let his words spill forth into the space between them.
"Fancy a cuddle?" he suggested, the words hanging in the air like a delicate promise waiting to be fulfilled.
In that instant, time seemed to stand still, the world holding its breath as they stood on the precipice of possibility. Would she laugh it off, dismissing his offer with a gentle smile? Or would she embrace the spontaneity of the moment, taking his hand and diving headfirst into the unknown?
As the blush bloomed across her cheeks, Lando felt a surge of anticipation mingled with a hint of vulnerability. He watched her, his heart pounding in his chest, wondering what her response would be. For a moment, she seemed to retreat within herself, her gaze flickering away from his as if grappling with an inner turmoil.
Then, just as he began to fear that his suggestion had been too bold, she surprised him. With a deep breath, she rose from her seat, her hand extended towards him in a silent invitation. It was a gesture filled with a quiet determination, a silent affirmation of trust and curiosity.
Lando felt a rush of relief flood through him as he accepted her hand, letting her lead him back to his room. The air between them crackled with anticipation, the weight of their unspoken feelings hanging heavy in the space around them.
Once inside, he closed the door behind them, the sound echoing softly in the silence. He watched as she made herself comfortable under the covers, her movements graceful yet tinged with a hint of uncertainty. It was a simple act, yet it spoke volumes—a silent agreement to embrace the intimacy of the moment, to explore the connection that pulsed between them.
As Lando slipped out of his shirt, the fabric falling away to reveal the contours of his frame, it felt like shedding a layer of inhibition, a symbolic gesture of vulnerability and intimacy. It was a routine he had grown accustomed to, a small act of comfort and familiarity in the quiet moments before sleep claimed him.
With a silent grace, he joined her beneath the covers, the warmth of the blankets cocooning them in a world of their own making. And as he settled beside her, he felt a sense of rightness wash over him—a feeling of belonging that transcended words or explanations.
She welcomed him into her embrace with a natural ease, her body fitting against his like two pieces of a puzzle finally finding their perfect match. He could feel the gentle rise and fall of her breath against his neck, a soothing rhythm that lulled him into a state of contentment.
Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he pulled her close, relishing the sensation of her skin against his own. It was a simple gesture, yet it spoke volumes—an unspoken promise of protection and comfort, a silent declaration of love and devotion.
With her hand resting on her exposed stomach, he felt a surge of tenderness well up within him.
“Tell me something nobody else knows about you,” Lando quipped in an attempt to distract himself from the feeling of her body against his.
“I am absolutely terrible at skiing,” she whispered with a small chuckle.
“Is that why you didn’t come to Finland with us?” he realised.
“Partly, yeah,” she chuckled. “I did have to work, too.”
“I can teach you, you know, how to ski,” he offered.
“You’d be teaching a wall how to walk, not going to happen,” she countered.
“Then it’s a good thing I’m a great teacher. Just look at how great you are now at karting,” Lando teased with a knowingly smile.
“Alright, fair enough,” she conceded, chuckling slightly at his cockiness.
The excitement of their banter dissipated into the tranquil embrace of the night as she nestled her head into the curve of his neck once more. Her breath, warm yet tinged with a hint of chill, ghosted across his skin, sending shivers down his spine.
Lando's fingers traced gentle patterns over her arm, the warmth of her touch a soothing balm against the tumultuous currents of his thoughts. He tried to coax himself into a state of sleep, to let the gentle rhythm of their breaths lull him into oblivion. But amidst the quiet darkness, the desire that simmered beneath the surface refused to be ignored.
With each passing moment, the urge to lean in and capture her lips in a tender kiss grew stronger, a silent plea that echoed in the depths of his soul. He turned his head slightly, his gaze meeting hers in the soft glow of moonlight filtering through the window.
Their eyes locked in a silent exchange, a wordless conversation that spoke volumes of unspoken desires and hidden truths. In that fleeting moment, the world fell away, leaving only the two of them suspended in the timeless embrace of the night.
“I really want to kiss you,” he confessed, his voice so soft it was barely a whisper.
“Okay,” she mimicked his tone and volume, her breath warm against his skin.
With a tender reverence, Lando cupped her cheek, his thumb brushing lightly across her skin. He leaned in, closing the small distance between them, and gently pressed his lips against hers. The kiss was soft and delicate, a gentle caress that spoke of all the unspoken words and feelings they had shared.
For the first time in a very long time, Lando felt butterflies fluttering in his stomach—the good kind that signalled something special, something real. It wasn’t a hungry or desperate kiss, but one filled with sweetness and tenderness, a reflection of how he felt about her.
When he finally pulled away, he watched her eyes remain closed, her face serene as she absorbed every moment of the lingering sensation. A smile curved her lips, and in that moment, Lando knew that this simple kiss had sealed something profound between them.
They spent the rest of the night wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and intimacy, gazing at each other with a mixture of wonder and contentment. The world outside their little bubble seemed to fade away, leaving only the soft glow of the moonlight and the quiet whispers of their shared breaths.
With tender curiosity, they traced invisible shapes into each other’s skin, their fingertips leaving trails of warmth and affection. Each touch was a silent declaration, a wordless conversation that spoke of their growing closeness and the trust they had built.
Her fingers played gently with his hair, twirling soft strands between her fingertips, while he marvelled at the delicate way she moved. In return, his hand found its way to her hair, smoothing it back from her face with a tenderness that made her heart flutter.
As the night wore on, their words grew softer, their touches slower, each moment drawing them deeper into the embrace of sleep. The rhythm of their breaths synchronised, creating a soothing lullaby that carried them towards slumber.
Finally, with their bodies entwined and hearts beating in unison, they drifted off to sleep, each wrapped in the comfort of the other’s presence. And as they slipped into dreams, the night held them close, a silent witness to the beginning of something beautiful and enduring.
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copperbadge · 2 days
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Sam, I must know what sort of things Gerald blogs about on his Tumblr. How old or active is his account? Is his identity a secret?
It's actually a reference to an older post where @dignitywhatdignity pointed out there was no way Ger wasn't on Tumblr. :D Reproduced my response below -- first, Photogram:
I can picture Jerry’s Photogram in my head very clearly because I’ve had to research the children of rich people and their fucking obnoxious instas, and Jerry’s is probably equal parts expensive cars, club glam, and scenic vistas, but mainly because that’s like…what you do. It’s just kind of the done thing, like wearing a shirt when you leave the house. 
Update: Gerald's photogram has shifted radically -- he still treats it as a Thing You Do but especially now that he's a dad it's a lot more Parenting Lifestyle stuff. Because a few of my friends have had babies in the last two years and I had to research the babies my fictional characters were having, the algo now thinks I have baby fever, so I get a lot of Parent Influencer content, and I bet Gerald does a lot of sly fun-poking at that stuff. Like, posting a photo of a bottle warmer and a bib-washing tabletop machine with commentary like "You cannot buy any of this in the shop I don't have, but if you're going to buy one stupid thing as a parent, buy the bib washer. Not a single shirt you own will be unstained but the bibs will be immaculate."
They don't post pictures of Serafina, though -- there are a couple of official portraits for PR reasons but day-to-day that shit is locked to friends and family only. (There are special websites for this, I have friends who use them, it's pretty neat.) The only time random candids of her are out there are usually when someone snaps Michaelis toting her around Fons-Askaz with her cousins -- the "King Emeritus and Royal Ducklings" are becoming a very familiar sight. At least once a week Michaelis takes Noah and Joan out for an afternoon in town with Sera in a snugli and the twins in a stroller. Don't ask him about his stepson and grandkids unless you really want to hear about them.
Meanwhile he also definitely has a secret super-weird tumblr and nobody can figure out if he’s roleplaying or shitposting or what when he posts stuff like “The family groupchat is all well and good until it starts heavily impacting local politics.” Are those horses really his or is he just visiting a barn? Is that…a photo of a plate full of appetizers at “My cousin’s latest house party” with Angela Merkel in the background? He certainly has some strong feelings about Princess Diana and equally strong feelings about Tsar Nicholas. Why is he one of only three people the official Eddie Rambler tumblr follows?
Gerald's tumblr has also slowed down since the diagnosis and becoming a dad, but the content is still random as hell and more authentically wild than his photogram. Again, no photos of Serafina, but it's very evident that whoever is running that particular tumblr has had a kid, or is pretending they have. He gets asks accusing him of faking shit for clout and every time he does, his response is simply to write the ask on a sheet of paper in longhand and photograph it in front of a famous European landmark and/or political figure.
Alanna tolerates this because it does keep him out of mischief and sometimes he takes Serafina with him to whatever landmark he's visiting, and she gets to have a quiet apartment to herself for a while.
(”Eddie Rambler’s on tumblr?” someone asks, and someone else replies “Name me one other TV chef brave AND stupid enough to be on tumblr” and then you realize it is in fact the official Eddie Rambler tumblr saying that.)
Eddie doesn't post to his official Tumblr anymore because he rarely has time and doesn't need to do the self-promotion, but Katie in Communications checks his inbox once a week and brings him the most entertaining asks to respond to. He's currently hovering somewhere around the level of Neil Gaiman in terms of "Famous people who are inexplicably on Tumblr."
Ultimately there develops a running joke that Jerry’s tumblr is run by either a) an upper-class vampire (rude) or b) the elected king of a micronation on the Mediterranean coast with a name nobody can spell (super rude!) 
One time Gerald accidentally pocket-posted a blurry selfie to his Tumblr but it was so poorly focused and clearly accidental that a bunch of people got mad at him for violating the privacy of the Duke of Shivadlakia. He had to pretend to have a week-long beef with himself to save face. He eventually got Noah to take a selfie with him, blanked out Noah's face, and then claimed the Duke had forgiven him and here was a selfie with him as proof.
It's a hard old life, being Duke of Shivadlakia, but someone's got to do it.
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pugh-bug · 19 hours
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No.42 - Chapter 1
Art Donaldson x reader : slow burn friends to lovers
I finally wrote chapter 1, I hope you all enjoy it! I’m excited for this slow burn
You widened your eyes at Patrick’s casual declaration. As his words: ‘Art’s gonna come live with us for a while’ hung in the air, you watched your best friend of ten years destroy a churro like it didn’t matter. Flat No.42 had been your sanctuary for four years with nothing but Patrick’s film commentating disrupting your peace. The two of you had a rhythm. An understanding of how the other lived and wanted to live, a schedule for taking out the recycling that Patrick stubbornly ignored.
You had game nights, movie marathons all without anyone having to third wheel. You weren’t ready to give that up, not even for Art Donaldson a man you’d been acting a fool around since Patrick introduced you.
‘Y/N,’
As usual your face concealed nothing.
‘Be good about this okay? Liam kicked him out to move in with his girlfriend, the least I can do is let him live with us for a while.’
You tried to picture watching tv with Art or looking up from your cereal in the morning to be greeted with his sleepy, cute face and messy curls. It took half a second before Patrick asked why you were smiling and even less for you to force a complexed frown.
‘Okay so when’s he moving in?’
Patrick wiped his sugar dusted hands on his ‘I told ya’ shirt, gaging your reaction with amusement. ‘Today, probably 6.’ So much notice - not that you were surprised the man once woke you up 2 hours before a flight he forgot he’d booked for the two of you.
‘Thanks for the heads up.’
——————————————————————
Forever the most organised member of the fire and ice duo, Art was at your door at 6pm exactly. Patrick opened the door as if it was Christmas Day and Art was Santa himself, you’d seen him smile brightly countless times but he actually glowed around Art. It was sweet, only sometimes sickeningly, and you understood the obsession. Art was the type of person lonely people craved.
‘Have my room, I’ll take the sofabed.’
Art broke away from Patrick’s bear hug to widen his eyes. You couldn’t help but smile at Art’s reaction to his friends generous offer. Patrick had a way of being there for his friends in such a way that never made them feel like they owed him. He had always been kind because of who he was, not for any accolades yet it somehow seemed to amaze Art every time.
‘Y/N,’ He turned to look at you, walking over confidently. The two of you had only started hugging in the last month, and usually only at the end of days spent with Patrick. He always hugged Patrick first.
‘Welcome to our piece of shit flat,’ you chuckled, as Art pulled you into a short but sweet hug. It took all of your strength. and did every time, not to pull him even closer to you. He always smelt of strawberry scented shampoo and the occasional cigarette which on anyone else you would have hated, you didn’t smoke, but on Art was heaven.
Art liked his own space, as did you, so for a few hours you let him unpack and relax on his own whilst you caught up on work. It wasn’t until Patrick ransacked his/Art’s room for a tie that the equilibrium of the flat was disturbed. ‘I’ve got a date!’ He exclaimed, ignoring the horror in Art’s face. He’d been on his twentieth push up and hated being watched.
Rushing out the door, using one hand to dress himself and the other to text the girl he was going to be late, Patrick made a lot of noise. You and Art were stood in the living room watching his antics with equal amounts of amusement and judgement. When he finally made it outside, Art watched you lock the door behind him.
‘Lucky girl.’
You raised an eyebrow, not sure if he was joking.
‘She won’t feel it when he eats all her food as well as his.’
Art smiled at your quip, knowing it was absolutely true, and thought to himself how nice it was going to be to get to know you better.
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detailtilted · 1 day
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In Search of Supernatural Fans from the Early Years
Hi! I’m looking for the legends who originally recorded old Supernatural convention panels featuring Jared or Jensen, or possibly Misha. See "What I'm Looking For" below. If you know one of them, or if you're a member of a community with people who were in the fandom in those early years, I’d greatly appreciate it if you could let them know about this post. I can be reached at [email protected] or here on Tumblr.
If you aren’t familiar with my project, see the “Project Background” section below. This is not a low-effort exercise to merely repackage old videos. I’m putting many hours of work into each video to improve their watchability and accessibility. I will always credit my sources unless you wish to remain anonymous.
Even if your videos are on YouTube, I’m likely to have more success upscaling them if I can get the original video files. Thanks to the videos AgtSpooky kindly sent me, I've learned how big of a difference it can make when I have the original files to work with. That's why I’m putting more effort into finding those elusive original video takers.
The problem is that they all seem to have fallen off the face of the earth. Most of their YouTube accounts, LiveJournal accounts, and whatever other accounts I’ve dug up haven’t had any activity in 10-15 years. I’ve left a few messages on some of them, but I doubt they’ll be seen on dormant accounts. I’ve also gone down some crazy and twisted Googling paths trying to find current contact info for them, but without much success. In one case I even messaged the wrong person, who was at least kind enough to reply to the psycho asking for videos to let me know she wasn't the person I'd hoped she was. Oops!
What I’m Looking For
I’ve already finished CHICON 2007, Comic-Con 2008, and CHICON 2008, so I don’t need videos from those events, but I’d be happy to try to upscale your videos for your own collection if you have some you'd like to send me.
Actually, I could use CHICON 2008 Breakfast videos if you have any. I plan to attempt to redo that video either late this year or early next year.
I’ve been trying especially hard to reach people with original video files from either LA 2009 or Asylum 3 (2009), and I’d also be ecstatic to get some from LA 2008.
Any other old con videos you’re willing to share that have Jared or Jensen in them would be awesome. I hope to get to all the old conventions eventually. I haven’t yet defined “old”, so I don’t have a specific cutoff point.
Even if you just have audio files without video, those could be helpful too.
Length doesn't matter. Both long and short videos are welcome. Maybe I won't end up using them all, but the more options I have the better. Even if I don't put your video in my final edit, it would still be used because I always listen to every single video I can find when I'm finalizing my subtitles. Each video sounds at least a little different, and sometimes just hearing the audio in a slightly different way lets me catch a subtitle I'd missed or misheard.
Also, just to be clear, it isn’t necessarily my intent to exclude Misha. I’ve watched and enjoyed many of his convention videos and I liked Castiel for the most part, especially in the earlier seasons. I’m just not obsessed with Misha like I am with Jared and Jensen, and these videos do take quite a lot of work, so I’ve been putting my energy where my greatest interests lie. I’ll absolutely be including him when he’s in panels with Jared and/or Jensen, and in the future I may consider doing some of his solo panels.
So if you have original video files of Misha's solo panels that you’d like to send me, I’d be happy to add them to my stockpile for future possible use. If your videos turn out to be mostly complete, and if they upscale easily, then I might go ahead and do his panel at the same time I do the other panels from the same convention. If they'll take more effort to work with, I’ll probably skip them for now, but I may come back and tackle them if/when I run out of old Jared and Jensen videos to work with.
For any con videos you send me, regardless of whether I use them or not, I’d be happy to try to upscale them and send them back to you for your collection. I can’t always get things to upscale, so I can’t promise success, but I’ll definitely try.
Project Background - Enhanced Edition Con Videos
You can find my videos on my YouTube channel. (If you're already familiar with my project, skip to the next section -- there's nothing new to see here.)
I started this project in December 2023 to enhance old convention videos. My goal is to make them easier on the eyes and more accessible to both new and old fans from around the world. The videos on YouTube from that time can be difficult both to watch and to understand due to a combination of the older technology used to record them, the difficult recording conditions the fans were working with, and the lack of subtitles that make any sense.
I’m enhancing the videos as follows:
Visual Improvements: I’m upscaling the videos if possible, making color corrections if needed, and adding some slight stabilization to reduce the jitteriness. The end result is far from perfect because there’s only so much that current technology can do, but it's noticeably improved if you compare it to the originals.
Subtitles: I’m adding good, color-coded, English subtitles that can be turned on or off through YouTube’s CC button. The color-coding makes it more clear who's saying what when multiple people are speaking, and YouTube can auto-translate them into other languages to improve the accessibility.
Multiple Sources: If one video has gaps in it, then I'll try to find another that I can edit in to fill those gaps so the end result is as complete as possible. If I have more than one source that captured the same portion of the event, then I'll cut to whichever video I think had the best view of the action. In a few cases I’ve added a split screen with two different videos showing simultaneously so we can see action that's taking place in two separate areas. For example, when Jared and Jensen are on opposite sides of the stage. (There were also the infernal talking head bubbles on my Comic-Con 2008 video which nearly made me throw in the towel, but taught me a lot. 😅)
Extra Content for Context: These older videos don’t take up the full width of a modern video frame, so I’ve taken advantage of the extra space to display some still images with text to add extra context for many of the things they discuss. Some things are a lot funnier, or at least a lot more relevant, when you know exactly what they’re talking about. I clarify Supernatural episode references and pop culture references among other things. Sometimes I’ve also inserted short video clips, usually just a few seconds’ worth, if I thought it would add worthwhile clarity or entertainment to the topic at hand.
Current Project Status
If anyone has been wondering how I’m doing on my current video and what’s next… I’m almost done with the last video from CHICON 2008, which was Jensen’s solo panel. I should be ready to publish it on YouTube this Friday, May 24. I plan to use the same schedule as last time and put the Tumblr post up the following Tuesday when it’s a little more likely to be noticed here.
The next sequential conventions are LA 2009 and Asylum 2009, but I haven’t had much success in my attempts to upscale the available videos. If I were to work with what I have now, I know I could turn out something better than what’s on YouTube today, but the end result wouldn’t be nearly as good as what I might be able to achieve if I can get some original videos to work with. So I think it’s more logical to skip over these conventions for now and give it some time to see if I get any responses, in hope of a better end result.
I do intend to come back to the skipped conventions eventually, even if nobody sends me anything. Once I run out of conventions for which I can upscale the videos, if I still don't have anything better to work with for the ones I skipped, I’ll just do the best I can with what’s available. Even if I can't upscale, I can still do color corrections and stabilization, plus the subtitles and extra content. Some of these panels are split up into a bunch of very short videos, so it would also add value if I can combine them into something more sequential and cohesive. (I found 130 videos from the Jared and/or Jensen panels at LA 2009, and most of them were under 2 minutes long. 🤣) I don’t know if there’s enough footage to cover the entire panels seamlessly, but I’m itching to get my hands on that jigsaw puzzle of videos to try to make sense out of them.
So… the next videos I intend to work on will be from Vancouver 2009. This is one of the conventions that AgtSpooky attended and sent me videos for and they upscaled very well. Her breakfast video had already found its way onto YouTube, but wasn't properly credited. Her main panel videos aren't on YouTube as far as I could find, so that version may be new to newer fans. I'm only just starting to play around with upscaling the other sources out there, but my first attempt at the other main Breakfast source came out well. Both breakfast videos were taken from extreme opposite angles, so that should provide some useful editing opportunities. I’d still love to get more videos of this event if anyone has them.
If you made it this far, I am in awe. Sorry for putting this wall of text on your screen! 😅
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spirk-trek · 1 day
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hii this is really random but i'm writting a paper on star trek fanfiction from the 60s/70s and i was wondering if there were any fics youd recommend? are there any like iconic, keystone fics that are really significant to the fandom? (i'm having a bit of trouble sourcing pre-internet fics)
Hi! I'll try to help the best I can but I am by no means an expert- in fact, many people who end up seeing this may have better/more information so I'll extend it to any of them to answer as well :)
Disclaimer: many of the following links contain nsfw content!!!
Here is page 1 and page 2 of what might be the first known k/s fanfic published in Grup fanzine (1974). Grup is credited as being the first Star Trek fanzine with adult content. This fic, A Fragment Out of Time by Diane Marchant was vague enough that it had to be clarified as k/s in a later edition, but the author did do so.
Spockanalia is always a good source for early fandom. It is the earliest and best preserved example of fanzine content (beginning in 1967 before the second season had even aired). I'd definitely say that makes it influential! So much more can be found on the internet archive and on fanlore. Copies of Spockanalia found their ways into the hands of many people involved in the show, including Roddenberry himself.
Gayle F is a prolific fanzine artist (one of my favorites) for k/s and is also influential to k/s writing. She was behind the Cosmic Fuck Series (yes really lol) which begins with Desert Heat (1976) in which Spock prematurely enters his second Pon Farr with only Jim available to him. This is the first mention (that I know of) of Spock's "double ridges" which are still a fanon element of his anatomy today (fanlore link here).
Alexis Fegan Black is another name to know, but is actually the pen name for author Della Van Hise. She did a lot of her work in the 80s and beyond, so I'm not sure how helpful this will be, but I think she's very influential. You may know about her licensed trek novel Killing Time (1982) because the first edition was recalled for being way too gay (changes between the two versions are best documented here imo).
Jenna Sinclair was very influential but again, a lot of her works came a little later than what you're looking for (note: ao3 does NOT have the correct dates, you'll need to find those separately).
A few more links to throw at you:
List of Star Trek Fanzines
List of Star Trek SLASH Fanzines
Captain's Log (1968)
The Crewman's Log (1967)
Spock's Showcase (1968)
Spock's Underground (1968-71)
The Sensuous Vulcan (slash zine, 1977)
Thrust (slash zine, 1978)
I hope all these links work and at least something I mentioned is helpful for you!! Good luck! I'd love to hear about your research if you're so inclined to share :)
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myfandomrealitea · 1 day
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saw ur post about going incognito into spaces and stuff and i wanted to add my own thoughts about my experience of basically being stuck in places where proshippers r hated (not against wut ur saying! i definitely agree that theres no benefits and honestly its not that fun)
the fandom that im currently in is.. very toxic. someone got harassed to the point of having to delete their account bc they "supported" a proshipper (it was literally just them saying that u shouldnt harass this person just bc theyre proship-). a lot of my friends were very supportive of this person and agreed that ppl shouldnt be harassed over shit like that and many of them seem to have similar viewpoints as me (anti harassment and all that) but prefer to stay away from that stuff
the fandom is basically ran by antis. theres a small corner that some ppl have made where they talk about proship stuff freely (love those ppl so much theyre genuinely so nice) but overall its. not the best place to be if ur proship. which is interesting to me bc theres actually a shocking amount of proshippers that just... dont say anything. on my side blog ive had multiple ppl interact that i thought were anti (or at least just. not proship in some way) but would literally go and like all my posts about incest ships of the characters.
and sometimes i think about it and how theres actually a bunch of proshippers but we're so heavily harassed and silenced that we just- dont say anything. but the fandom is small and we cant exactly separate ourselves from it if we really like the show. and i feel especially bad for some of the bigger blogs that ppl love and adore bc i know wut would happen if somehow ppl found out and made some big post or wutever.
i dont pretend to be antiship but i dont outright say im proship unless i really trust that person
im currently trying to make my own lil space with some friends so at least if anything goes wrong i at least have a few ppl but its a bit scary to think about honestly-
Although it can be full of snot-nosed superiority complexes, I do recommend using the AO3 Subreddit in order to find likeminded people for your fandom. The very vast majority of the AO3 Subreddit is proship or at least proship neutral. Antis are generally eviscerated on sight whenever they try to poke their nose into it.
If you have any other fandoms that you are active in or have friends within, there's also no harm in introducing them to your small fandom.
From what I understand the Marvel fandom did kind of the same thing you're describing with the Starker shippers, but they flourished and supported each other anyway.
I know its easy for me to simply say 'do it anyway' as someone who generally could not give a fuck about anyone's opinion of me, but honestly. Do it anyway. Form your little collective. Support each other. Learn how to write and draw and make GIFs so you feed your own portion of the fandom. You physically do not need those people, it just unfortunately takes a bit of effort and means potentially a bit less content until you start really generating your own.
Fandom spaces do not start out from nothing. Promote the shit out of your fandom. Draw people in. Comb through the proship tags and send asks to blogs like mine asking other proshippers to check out the source material.
People in small fandoms are easy to bully because you're so enclosed into this circle of the exact same people. They happen to be the majority in the room and they're weaponising it.
Force them into a bigger room.
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Hey what's up? Been a time since i sended an ask how you doin'?
Anyway, i think that Catradora really destroyed the way that people often view enemies to lovers cause before that the villain always had to redeem himself to earn the hero's affection, another thing that probably ruined was those horrible Tik Tok POVs where the villain is just a nice guy and the hero was actually the evil One3 (idk if that originated on Tik Tok or somewhere else but i see that often on Tik Tok)
But some shows that actually do a good Enemies to lovers story is Maya and the 3 and Dragon Prince, cause at least the two characters don't torture or humiliate each other, they fight on equal footing and is clear they are only enemies because one doesn't understand the other, plus they have some pretty cute scenes that are actually cute and not abusive framed as cute
hey, i’ve been doing alright! how about you?
c//a actually ruined enemies to lovers for ME because it was one of the first media with the enemies to lovers trope that i had seen. and after that, i was skeptical of any other enemies to lovers that people talked about because i didn’t want to see another toxic romanticized mess. but it seems that it has the opposite effect to some people, to the point where they call some enemies to lovers ships VANILLA, because it’s not as abusive as c//a ☠️ and i don’t even use tiktok but i know exactly what POVs you’re talking about lmao idk when it became a trend to idolize the villains. yes, there are some villains who are complex and have interesting motivations, but people seem to have shifted completely to praising the villains and blaming the heroes.
that reminds me of the quote that i absolutely DESPISE “the hero will sacrifice you for the world and the villain will burn the world down for you” or something along those lines. first off, idk what media these people are consuming because there are very few heroes who would readily sacrifice their loved ones, even if they wanted to save the world, they would seek out other options. and i’ve seen very few villains who actually care about people, in fact, the most popular villains are famously either loners or abusive to everyone around them. secondly, i don’t get the hype around wanting someone who is rude to everyone except you. sure, it makes you feel special but why would you WANT to date an asshole? give them enough time and they would start treating you like trash too. i would much rather date a kind person who isn’t rude to anyone, unless they have a good reason.
idk the first one you mentioned, but the dragon prince definitely does enemies to lovers well! there is enough animosity in the beginning so that we can see some banter and tension, but they develop the ships in a healthy way. amaya and janai are my favorite, i love how they developed the relationship between them and gave us an ACTUALLY GOOD sapphic ship. highly recommend this show to anyone who hasn’t watched it!
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amerricanartwork · 4 hours
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Hi! I just wondered if you've played Hollow Knight based off how much you like Rain World. I'd be interested in any thoughts you had on it. :)
Thanks for the ask! No, I have not yet played Hollow Knight, BUT my interest in the game has been piqued! However I still have to see if the gameplay itself seems up my alley, or get invested enough in the characters that I want to discover more than I've already found out (and I have spoiled quite a lot for myself) before I actually decide to buy the game.
Regardless, from what I do know it does seem like an interesting story, albeit one far more tragic than Rain World's in my opinion. The characters I've seen are also pretty cool, both in design and personality. In fact, it was some ship fanart I found a few weeks ago that got me interested in diving deeper into the game once I realized it was where the featured characters were from, especially since one of the characters I had remembered hearing about before.
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Here's a little sketch of some characters I was thinking about and whom I've been meaning to draw for a bit! Hornet because she's very Shaped™, Quirrel because from what I've seen he's quite wholesome, and Tiso because he was the first character I heard about and I think he's kinda silly!
Also, some more comparing/contrasting thoughts about the game below:
Firstly, I like how the premise of Kollow Knight involves anthropomorphic insects! It's something I never realized until recently despite being aware of HK for at least a few years, but I usually tend to take interest in stories starring non-humanoid creatures, so it's a plus! I also enjoy the more gothic/Victorian-looking magical high fantasy aesthetic, though it's pretty different from Rain World, which I'd consider far more sci-fi and specbio-esque in its aesthetic.
Now to get into themes, so far Hollow Knight seems to share Rain World's theme of lost/dead civilizations, which is also a very interesting premise to me! However, HK seems to have a greater focus on interacting with the people of its dying civilization and as such you get far more definitive knowledge about what happened to cause it to collapse. The player character seems to take on more of a classic epic hero role, because from what I've heard about the lore and endings, they end up directly influencing the fate of Hallownest, even potentially destroying or defeating the force that caused its ruin. The visuals have this very dark, cool tint overall to sell that gloomy, mournful vibe, and the structures, while presumably old, are still mostly smooth, ornate, and not super deteriorated, with these castle or manor-like appearances more similar to real-life buildings or things in other high fantasy works. Then, the orchestral music I've heard alongside all of these elements really creates this impression in me that it's aesthetic and overall concept is more akin to a high fantasy epic tale, albeit a rather tragic one.
Meanwhile, Rain World seem to have the player take more of an anthropologist role, observing and trying to piece together the story of vast remnants of its dead civilization, which seem alien and impossibly complex because so much of the history they're from has been lost to time. One of the core themes is being very small compared to these long abandoned structures, to really sell the idea that this history is so much older and more intricate than you'll ever know. The colors of Rain World are often warmer, which can be associated with old things, and the structures are far more weathered and broken down, with the only living survivors of the people who made them being the iterators, whom we only get to hear directly from two of. Combined with the focus on simulating an ecosystem, the more directly religious ideas within, the themes of natural cycles and an entire civilization evolving, changing, and ultimately disappearing over deep time, and the overall alien, sci-fi industrial designs of the architexture and strange creature designs that look like things out of "Of Rust and Humus" or some other alien speculative biology worldbuilding project make RW fit well in with that genre of fiction in my opinion.
Sorry if I seem like I kinda took a sudden shift there, but I wanted to talk about this contrast in artistic aesthetics and story genres for a moment because the "lasting impression" an art piece creates something I've recently concluded is pretty important overall in works of art, at least for mine!
But anyway, I hope these thoughts were satisfying for now! Thanks again for the ask!
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notakoolladz · 3 days
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Happy birthday to meeee B)
Even tho im on my haitus i atleast wanted to stop by to drop like a quick thank you to my friends, and followers or just people to like my stuff :)
Even better I made a whole ramble on how I joined the Octonauts community, how it saved me from loosing my sanity and the great community.
Cuz I wanted to do this for my tumblr anniversary but uhh someone loss that old account- so check it out if you want to-
Guys (Especially my friends and followers) please check it out I worked on this late April-/j uhh tw?? Like emo feelings idk
Around late spring to the end of July in 2023 I was currently going through an unsafe relationship to say the least. And around the end of July when the relationship ended, I felt so defeated and vulnerable.
For those concerned I’m doing much better trust me bro! I won’t go too deep but I was scared of being vulnerable and talking it out to someone about it. The one time I did, the person never believed me, causing me to want to just separate from “friends” in real life. 
It’s now August. And I was currently hyper fixated on Octonauts. I was on tumblr trying to find screenshots of the characters so I can put them in some hunger games simulator but then I saw someone asking for a discord Octonauts server link.
I was curious and decided to use the link in question. There I got instantly welcome and everyone was so nice and stuff. Surprisingly it wasn’t hard to become well known in the server too! It just took a few conversations and fanarts of people's sonas/ocs. 
Seeing people who I knew both on discord and tumblr posting and sharing art made me get inspired to post my own art too on my tumblr account. Me and people would even play games together like roblox uno, mm2, gartic, so much! 
Of course there would be the usual rude people on the server or on tumblr. And what I like about these people is that ye know we got each other's backs and all. If someone is dealing with things they would go out of their way to contact them and ask if they’re ok. 
So many things that I've drawn for here are from ideas from these people! From inside jokes to random conversations! I remember when I accidently got my tumblr account deleted these people were so quick to help me out. I’ve gotten so many gifts from them too! From drawings, to even just making it to game night to join whatever game we were all playing! 
I know I just kept calling these guys people and they. Which won’t really help this next part out but I wouldn’t call these people like random strangers. I actually saw and would call every single one of them as a friend of mine and sometimes I feel like these servers and tumblr mostly like the whole octonaut community as just a second home to me. 
(Yall I just want to say if I ever said something rude or out of pocket y'all I’m so sorry lol)
I just wanna thank my friends on discord, tumblr, followers or just people who like my little octonauts blog. Idk how I managed to actually socialize with other users- being honest I don’t think I could nail it off again maybe but like- 
One day we all would go our own paths but I’m so glad to make friends on the internet lol- Kinda reminds me of my animal jam times. Uhh closing statement ummm thank you octonauts for saving my life ig. And my friends lol. sorry to that one person who i know irl i had to block for this- nobody needs to know it LOL
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sesamenom · 16 days
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maglor's first time getting to go to a concert / his favorite singer attending maglor's first big concert
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there are too many thoughts inside of me at all times.
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meowkusunoki · 3 days
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ocgrammers reblog and tell me how your characters type
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gibbearish · 7 months
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kinda frustrating how we've spent the last few months acknowledging how a lot of well intentioned but guilt trippy social justice posts are like specifically designed to worm into ocd ppls brains and then now every single post abt palestine is "i dont care how bad your mental health is, i dont care how bad looking at all this makes you feel, if you don't read every single post you see on this topic in full you are a horrible person and directly contributing to their deaths. 'waaaah my mental health' well at least youre not being bombed, did you think about that??" and its like. i absolutely get where youre coming from but you dont get to complain that guilt tripping is bad then turn around and use it anyways because you think the cause youre using it for is worthwhile. like. everyone thinks the cause theyre using it for is worthwhile, thats why theyre using it. but its still a shit way to do it
#like when you make a tumblr post to your tumblr blog youre not guilt tripping people who disagree with you#youre guilt tripping your followers who if theyre still following you probably already agree with what youre saying#and esp on a topic with so much brutality involved like. yeah OBVIOUSLY theres people who have to look away#like. yall know a bunch of these posts and articles and videos show graphic injuries in them right?#like i physically cant watch news videos abt this bc i will spend days with my brain making me imagine#peoples deaths in graphic detail specifically because it knows that will upset me. and i would prefer not to do that#in fact me doing that helps palestinians exactly as much as finishing my brussel sprouts helps starving kids#by which i mean none. its just a cheap guilt trip to get you to do something you don't want to#which when it's brussel sprouts thats whatever but when its 'deliberately expose yourself to extremely triggering#things otherwise youre a bad person'. not so much#idk i feel like maybe its due to ppl feeling. agitated abt not being able to do anything abt it#like the government isnt listening and we're a world away so physically /all/ we can do really is sit and watch#so i can understand a) wanting to find someone to lash out at to alleviate that feeling#like if you cant stop the actual problem at the very least you can shout down the people supporting it right?#and b) seeing 'not watching' or even just 'not watching as closely as i am' as a transgression#bc well its all we can do so if youre not even doing that you must be bad#and its like. i really do get it. but the whole world is watching right now‚ like this is THE big news thing happening rn#so a few people choosing to avoid to subject will not make a single iota of difference#idk. i guess what im saying is if youre feeling the urge to yell at someone for not looking close enough#just donate some money to a support fund instead itll do a lot more
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theflyingfeeling · 5 months
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...💌
#not-very-seriously contemplating making a fitalk sideblog#just so i could ramble on about my fic ideas like the lunatic i am without bothering anyone#because istg i come up with at least 3 new ideas a day and more if necessary#but i'm too self-conscious to do that on my main blog too often because i always manage to convince myself no one actually cares#and that the only few people who do seem to care only care because they want to be supportive#and/or think it's cute i'm so passionate about the fics/pairing or whatever#and there's nothing wrong with that and i'm thankful of course!#but it sort of makes me feel like a child being praised by adults ya know? 😭#and idk maybe i just feel like this because i used to share a hyperfixation OTP with a friend#and i'd come up with new fic ideas/headcanons for our OTP on a daily basis#until the friend admitted they weren't even that into the pairing#they just found it adorable to see how enthusiastic i was thinking of stories of them :)#which made me feel like such an idiot lol silly me thought they were as into it as i was#like. i get the need to infodump about hyperfixations to a friend even if the friend is not into the hyperfixation#especially if you don't know anyone else to whom you could talk about it#but i don't need that personally. i'd rather talk about my hyperfixations to someone who actually wants to hear it#and not just because they think i'm being adorable or they want to support me#i can very well keep it all to myself or just idk talk to myself?? lol#so yeahhhh i kinda don't want to make myself feel like a clown like that again 🤡#i do realise i think about fic ideas an unhealthy amount probably lol#but then again isn't that what actual published authors do all the flipping time?! the only difference is that i'm not getting paid for it😤#this wasn't supposed to become a rant lol the words just started flooding#anywayyyyy who wants to hear about my royalty!aleksi / ballet dancer!olli fic idea with side roommates-with-benefits olli/joonas?#additional tags include 'helping the other put on make-up' and 'anal fingering'. if you even care#(pls don't actually ask it's ridiculous)
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andthebeanstalk · 2 days
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
Better accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues should suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things!
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to take to cut your awkward self some slack for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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