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its-to-the-death · 4 months

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Propaganda for "Mother Knows Best": the entire song is such a fucked up display of Gothel manipulating, undermining, and abusing Rapunzel while couching it in a facade of love. I'll break it down:

[MOTHER GOTHEL, spoken] You want to go outside? Why, Rapunzel...

Pretends to consider the request, then slams the window shut, closing off the outside world. Look at you, as fragile as a flower Still a little sapling, just a sprout

Infantilizes her by calling her fragile and tiny. Furthermore, likens her to a flower, tying into how she's important because she's a replacement for the Sundrop. Also note the condescending patting.

(sung) You know why we stay up in this tower

[RAPUNZEL, spoken] I know, but—

[MOTHER GOTHEL] That's right, to keep you safe and sound, dear

Cuts off Rapunzel, because she doesn't get a voice in this. Insists that keeping her isolated is for her safety, but is stroking her hair while singing the last line, reinforcing how she values Rapunzel only for her power.

Guess I always knew this day was coming Knew that soon you'd want to leave the nest

Paints herself as the victim, dramatically posing with the curtains and vocally emphasizing how distraught she is.

Soon, but not yet

[RAPUNZEL, spoken] But—

[MOTHER GOTHEL] Shh! Trust me, pet Mother knows best

Again positions herself as "reasonable"--oh, she'll let Rapunzel leave someday, she's just not ready yet! Again, Rapunzel is shushed and degraded--she's a "pet" who doesn't know better, and she should just shut up and listen to her mother.

Mother knows best, listen to your mother It's a scary world out there Mother knows best, one way or another Something will go wrong, I swear Ruffians, thugs, poison ivy, quicksand Cannibals and snakes The plague

[RAPUNZEL, spoken] No!

[MOTHER GOTHEL] Yes!

[RAPUNZEL, spoken] But—

[MOTHER GOTHEL] Also large bugs Men with pointy teeth, and Stop, no more, you'll just upset me

Intimidates Rapunzel by knocking out the lights, physically manhandling her (especially knocking her down), and filling her head with terrifying images of the outside world. She is preying on Rapunzel's naivete (which is the result of Gothel isolating her) to scare her into submission. She also continues to cut Rapunzel off every time she tries to speak and plays victim--she says "Stop, no more, you'll just upset me," but she's the one who's been listing these awful things and upsetting Rapunzel.

Mother's right here, Mother will protect you Darling, here's what I suggest Skip the drama, stay with mama Mother knows best

As she sings the first two lines, she offers herself up for a hug, then disappears and leaves a mannequin in her place when Rapunzel seeks comfort. Her protection and love are conditional--obey her or else. Also, "skip the drama" gaslights Rapunzel into thinking she's unreasonable for asking to leave the tower (and is quite ironic, since Gothel's dramatically singing this on a staircase lined with candles).

Mother knows best, take it from your mumsy On your own, you won't survive

Insists that Rapunzel is helpless and dependent on her, while undermining her attempts at independence by snuffing out the candles she lights.

Sloppy, underdressed, immature, clumsy Please, they'll eat you up alive Gullible, naïve, positively grubby Ditzy and a bit, well, hmm, vague Plus, I believe, gettin' kinda chubby I'm just saying 'cause I wuv you

Insults the shit out of her in an "affectionate" way to kill her self-confidence. Calls her "clumsy" while yanking her off her feet. Physically manhandles her again by rolling her up, spinning her around, and lifting her by the face. Again, paints Rapunzel as a helpless baby who can't make it in the harsh world and needs to stay isolated and dependent on her mother.

Mother understands, Mother's here to help you All I have is one request

Knocks out all the lights and then appears under a spotlight, portraying herself as the one and only refuge for Rapunzel. Rapunzel, who is extremely stressed by the previous events, rushes to the relief her mother offers--which, of course, is conditional.

(spoken) Rapunzel? [RAPUNZEL, spoken] Yes? [MOTHER GOTHEL, spoken] Don't ever ask to leave this tower again.

The facade slips as Gothel bluntly and sternly demands that Rapunzel never even ask to leave again. She's not just saying "no," she's removing Rapunzel's ability to choose and speak up for herself. Also note the contradiction with her previous claims: she said "Soon, but not yet" earlier, but now affirms that her rule is that Rapunzel never leaves the tower.

[MOTHER GOTHEL, spoken] I love you very much, dear

[RAPUNZEL, spoken] I love you more

[MOTHER GOTHEL, spoken] I love you most

Gothel, of course, has to get the last word in and reinforce herself as Rapunzel's better. Also, when she says "I love you most," she kisses Rapunzel's hair; she doesn't love Rapunzel most, she loves her hair and the restorative magic it holds. Rapunzel only matters to her insofar as she makes Gothel feel better about herself, whether that be by affirming that she's a loving mother or keeping her young and beautiful.

(sung) Don't forget it, you'll regret it Mother knows best

Uses a lighthearted, affectionate tone of voice, but uses it to threaten Rapunzel (imagine that statement said any other way). Also condescendingly pats her on the head again. Finishes by walking away while running Rapunzel's hair through her hands, denying Rapunzel comfort because she values the hair more.

TLDR; Gothel is a fucking atrocious parent and every second of this song is child abuse.

Ah, the gaslighting song.

#pulling from the pot of asks #villain song showdown #villain song propaganda

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bitter-like-coffee · 1 month

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hehehe thank you for the Jessica Jones ramble!!! ur sooooo right abt everything tbh. i totally think ur fine to just watch s1, like the others were fine but s1 stands alone really well. also i feel it with tennant tbh i never even liked him until he was kilgrave and its still my favorite role hes ever had

Its just, its so sad it could only happen in the lawless era of Baby Netflix because its just delicious. I think if more of marvel's ips were handled with a similar brush i might actually enjoy them. Not to say they have to all be Gritty Noirs Focused On Very Grounded Villains, but itd be nice if they really sat w their premises. I dunno if any of the movies w Steve and Bucky ever really get into that sorta thing, but theres such a depth you could get out of Steve and Bucky grappling with the future and adapting and challenging their 30s? Worldview, etc.

Tennant just did such a good job w Kilgrave. Simmons was uh terrifying lol. I realize I hadnt mentioned Trish and. Ough. Ough. I love her so much, like any good noir should elicit, I spent so much of her screentime murmuring "girl dont do this". I love her desperation and drive to help people even at her own peril. Much like Jessica, she can't help it, but unlike Jessica she's not physically strong enough to not be the damsel, so she hides in Rapunzel's pin-locked tower and learns to fight in the hopes that if the evil stepmother or a dragon comes she'll be ready. And then the dragon asks her to come in, politely, through the front door and she's so charmed by his candor that she's helpless. The entire rest of the show after Trish popped one of Simmons' pills to save Jessica, I was just looking at her like a dog eating something it's not supposed to.

"TRISH WALKER, WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR PURSE?! DROP IT RIGHT NOW! EMPTY YOUR PURSE YOUNG LADY--[MIMING PRYING HER LITTLE BAG OPEN]"

It really was like, incredible how harrowing every moment with Trish's mom was. The scene where she was trying to force Trish to purge was so hard to watch, made me cry.

And then theres Malcolm abd Robyn abd Reuben abd this isnt even getting into the deliciously toxic yuri wrt Hogarth and Pam and her ex-wife whose name I'm blanking on. Honestly this us just a testament to how beautifully female lead so much of the show felt, which really added so much punch to the themes they were tackling, especially since there were a ton of Kilgrave's victims who were men (but weren't solely the focus).

I really loved Malcolm, especially after they, blessedly, revealed that his addiction was less of some stereotypical black druggie horseshit abd that Kilgrave had just added another tool in his arsenal to keep a good guy under thumb. (To be clear whether his reasons for his addiction, he needed help and compassion, but I was wary of it as a like stock trope.) Learning he'd wanted to go into social work was gutwrenching.

I think, though, I was most impressed with Robyn and Reuben. From the outset they seemed very...Stock "Crazy" Apartment Weirdos, abd as was perhaps the intent, they made me very uncomfortable, especially with early appearances making it seem like there was some WEIRD incest going on. And then Reuben's little crush on Jessica happened and I dreaded every time he was on screen but gradually less because he was a little weirdo and more because he was so visibly a little weirdo head over heels for Jessica. I cried when he died, and I was shocked at how masterfully they made me care. And then Robyn's neuroses kept building in the background abd foreground as she desperately searched for Reuben, and even though she's absolutely weird and abrasive and perhaps needs anti-anxiety medication, she's so solidly a mourning person who was so afraid because as much as she felt like her brother couldn't survive without her (and woe, she was kinda right), she needed him. The scene in the penultimate? Episode? Of Season 1, where she sobs because his fucking charger finally came, days too late, because she told him express shipping was too expensive? Oh that crushed me and made me really gel w her very strongly as a character.

Everyone's Arcs were so good aaaaaaaaaaaaiaaaaaaa. (I love Luke Cage and i practically danced every time he was on screen. Just such a wonderfully grounded, traumatized man.)

#ray rambles #i. meant. to answer this provately but im not used to tumblr mobile oops #jessica jones spoilers //#jj spoilers //#netflix jessica jones spoilers //

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littleraeofsunshineda · 3 months

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the state of the NHS after fourteen years of Tories is a terrifying and miserable capitalist hellscape

case in point, me, the last week or so:

have uti, picked up from a partner's infection. Very simple easy thing to treat. This one is a nasty little bugger, I feel like shit.

call gp. Ask for appointment.

No appointments.

At length told a pharmacy can prescribe 3 days of antibiotics without you seeing gp. Excellent!

Receive antibiotics. At this point we are ~3-4 days in. That's also how long it's been since I had a proper night's sleep because I HAVE TO GET UP TO PEE FOUR TIMES.

Antibiotics produce great improvement, but (surprise) perhaps not 100% by the time I finish the course. Nevrthless, am told by pharmacy I can't get any more from them. I must go to gp.

Call gp. Come down at 8am physically to surgery next day.

Arrive at 7.47. 12th in the queue. Total queue reaches >20 by 8am. For a cool parallel, they run out of appointments at person 8. The poor receptionist looks like if she has to tell one more person there's nothing she can do, she'll cry.

Receptionist tells me I can try again tmm (arrive at 7.30? I wonder thoughtfully) or try submitting a request through The App. Someone will call me today. I thank her and submit it in the car before I leave.

3.55 (GPs generally close at 4pm). No call. I squish down the fear that I am Karen-ing and call in. "I'm so sorry," I say, "do you know if I WILL be called today?"

She says I might get one up to 6pm, but that will only be a receptionist who will be booking an appointment in the next couple of weeks. "This can't wait two weeks," I say. "Your own guidance says so."

"There's nothing I can do," she says, and: "You shouldn't be using the online system for things that are urgent, anyway." "I tried to get an emergency appointment and there was nothing: I was TOLD to use this," I say, helplessly. "...Well anyway," she says, "the receptionist might call you by six."

AHA! I think. I am immensely lucky and have some small health insurance through work - including virtual gp. Maybe they can help! I book an appointment through that platform, relieved.

The appointment is over the phone within an hour - phenomenal. She tells me that she is not allowed to prescribe me anything: the uti not fully clearing up in 3 days of antibiotics means I need specialist urine testing as there is likely resistance. It needs to happen immediately, today, tonight, because I am at risk of a kidney infection. She can only refer me back to the NHS.

I say "but they don't have anything, and I can't argue - the poor receptionist can't do anything about not having appointments."

"You have to fight," she says. "You have to be seen. Go to urgent care if you have to."

It is now 6.05pm. The receptionist has not called.

Guess I'm spending the evening in a&e.

This is the struggle to get basic healthcare in the UK right now, and there is very often NO OPTION other than A&E. I HAVE some level of "private healthcare", and they could not do anything. Imagine what it's like for most people who don't even have the tiny level of access for a virtual GP to tell them that they ARE right, and they DO need to make a fuss.

I have been crying on and off all day. This is just not having healthcare. I wish I had any confidence at all that we'll change how we vote as a country.

#All bar 3 of those 20 in the queue were 60+#I wanted to ask them all who they intended to fucking vote for this year #nhs #nhs uk #fuck the tories #anti tories #tories out #tories #conservatives #conservative party

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her-pale-shadow · 2 years

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I keep imagining being a princess and always having my guard help me tighten my corset, and she does, but she always tightens it just a little more than I ask, as a quiet reminder of the physical strength she has over me if she ever wants to use it. Maybe one day she pulls the laces extra tight and whispers in my ear that she likes hearing me gasp like that, and then carries on as if nothing happened. Just lots of little moments when I think she'll snap and over step what's proper, until I'm half terrified to be around her, always waiting for when she's going to prove how powerless I am against her. Sometimes I even fear she'll come into my room at night, since she has the only key, and she could do whatever she wants with me then. But despite my fear, I never do anything to stop her. Because every time she touches me a little too roughly, or her eyes linger on me where they shouldn't, or she makes some crude comment, I can feel my pussy clench, yearning for her to make good on every unspoken threat.

Oooh I love that. The abuse of power (against one of the most powerful people in the kingdom)...

Now Im thinking about being that guard and pushing just how far I can go, using you and your powerlessness for my own entertainment in little moments when no one else notices. Directing you by holding your arm far tighter than I need to. Objectifying you when I know you can see where my eyes are looking. Finding excuses for my hands to touch your skin just past the edge of your clothes, an unspoken threat to go further. Who knows when I'll finally decide to take everything I want from you and your body, which I so easily could at so many times during the day.

#👀👀👀#asks #horny-ex-catholic #fantasy

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heartfucksmouth · 10 months

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not to sound like a broken record cliché, but motherhood is truly the most difficult and beautiful thing I've ever experienced.

I'm constantly fascinated by my child, I can't get enough of kissing his face and head and smelling his scent, holding his tiny hands or massaging his little toes. I'm in love with his bright curious eyes and the glimpse of a smile passing over his face.

and I'm also overwhelmed and frustrated when he cries for hours and won't sleep for more than 20 minutes all night. I'm terrified when he suddenly spits up so much formula it comes out his nose and he can't breathe for the longest 10 seconds of my life. I'm anxious when he isn't near me, and I get waves of distrust washing over me whenever someone else is caring for him so I can sleep. I have moments where I question what I've done, whether I've ruined my life - or his, I search my mind for ways of escaping and I scare myself with scenarios of grandparents taking custody of him bc I'm unfit. I make myself cry picturing Myles trying to raise him by himself without me.

6 weeks post partum. 1 month and 11 days. I'm finally asking for my meds to be adjusted bc I feel I'm barreling head first into PPD/PPA and my high blood pressure is back. I just got a new therapist that also is a parent by my request, and she called me today bc she wanted to check on me. my mom has been here most days to let me catch up on sleep, but she talks about her life and freezes when I have moments of anxiety and actually look to her supposed parenting experience for comfort and help. it wounds me deep. and myles mom takes Aidan for hours at a time, so I can sleep or shower or eat dinner with myles, but its not always to my liking because I fear she'll hold it over our heads someday - or she secretly thinks we're incapable of being parents. I get help with Aidan every day (while others do it all by themselves) and yet I feel so alone and like no one will come to my rescue when i need it. all the offers of help during my pregnancy seem to have disappeared. I wish friends would offer to come instead of the mothers I have relationship issues with. but then... who are my friends, really? my therapist says how I'm lucky I have all this support but it feels like a gut punch and I need to tell her next time that I don't feel like I have support at all. when I go into panic attacks, I message multiple people reaching out, asking for encouragement, for validation from other parents. but I don't have anyone checking in on me or offering to get together or even offering to help in a physically present way. besides my damn mom. my therapist and psych nurse are like "I'm always here for you, reach out" but they don't mean "text me at 3am if you're having a hard time" - they mean "call my extension and leave a message and I'll get back to you when I can"

the pendulum of my emotions is swinging so wildly and I just want some balance. I keep getting told everything I'm experiencing is normal, but if that's the case, there's something very fucking wrong with the way we treat motherhood, pregnancy, all of it (and there is).

I hope a med adjustment will help me, and I'm trying to reach out and build a village of my own. everyone talks about mental health, and recently PPD etc but everyone is burnt out and dealing with their own overwhelm and everyone is a breath away from a crisis. it all just feels crazy. I want to feel hopeful again. I want to feel like the world isn't on fire.

#personal #post partum #mental health #idfk what to tag this #motherhood

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one-abuse-survivor · 8 months

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Hi. I'm new here, so I guess I'll take the nickname Flower if that's still avaliable. This is kind of a long ask so it's going to be split into two, if that's okay. Anyways, I've got a question. My mom was an abuse victim for the majority of her childhood. It was physical and emotional, and one of her parents knew it was happening but did nothing to stop it. I have a suspicion that this abuse cycle started generations ago. My mother loves me deeply, and I know that she does.

This is the Flower ask pt 2 :). So my mother was told that she would never have children, and yet she finally had me. She lost children before I was born, so I understand why she is so controlling because she harbors that fear of something happening to me like it did to the babies she lost. But, I'm an adult now. I still live at home while I'm finishing my degree, and she's so controlling. She doesn't let me drive myself anywhere but to work or school, both of which are only 15 minutes away.

Flower anon ask part 3. So she's just very controlling in other aspects too, but I don't want to blow up your dms with 100 examples. She never listens to a word I say. For example, she can ask a question and if I answer it, I'm wrong no matter what. But if someone else says the same thing I do, she'll believe them. She loves me, and I know she does, but we have such a weird dynamic. I cried for 2 hours after watching Lady Bird because it reminded me of us. I try to understand her position and

Flower ask anon part 4. I try to understand my mom's experiences and how they shaped her and the way she responds to things, and I know it's not her fault and that she can't help how she reacts to things thanks to her own trauma. I just am so afraid of becoming like her. I want to be a mother myself someday, but I am terrified that I'm going to make the same mistakes as a wife and mother that my mom made with my dad and I. She's so controlling to everyone around her, and so judgemental.

Hi, nonnie :) I hope things with your degree have gone/are going well.

I understand your fear well. When you're raised by a parent whose behaviour hurts you deeply but who also shows over and over again that they love you, it's so easy to understand how that could happen to you too; how you could hurt your own children unknowingly, while trying to love and protect them.

I don't have all the answers. I'm a young adult, and I also want to be a parent someday, but I'm not one yet, so I still live with this fear myself. I would love to hear some words of wisdom from survivors of child abuse/neglect/hurtful upbringings who are parents, to be honest.

All the help I can really offer you is that you're not alone in this feeling. And something that personally helps me to remember is that parenting is not something that you do once, and you either pass or fail. It's something you do every day, and then you wake up the next day and you do it all over again. As a parent, you will make mistakes, because there's no such thing as a perfect parent. But you can always choose to apologise to your child, to listen and validate them, and to try to be better moving forward. And I think there are some aspects of parenting that you're going to have to learn from your children. Because each kid is different, there's no "one size fits all" parenting method—each kid is going to have different needs, different ways of connecting with others, different ways of learning... So I think a big part of being a good parent to a kid is to just listen to them when they communicate what they need. To stay curious when they cry, or yell, or get frustrated, or ask questions, or get so excited that they break something. To not just react to their behaviour, but to be curious about the emotion that triggered that reaction and explore it with them. To include your children in the process of decision-making regarding their upbringing, within reason, of course.

Also, I understand where you're coming from regarding a lot of your mom's behaviours being a consequence of her own childhood and abortion trauma. I can absolutely understand why that would make her protective of you and develop anxiety about letting you live your life normally for fear of losing you. I think it's a good thing that you can empathise with her struggles.

But, nonnie, she does have control over her own actions and behaviours. Just because a person is feels trauma reactions, that doesn't give them the right to act on those emotions at the expense of others' well-being. She's not helpless. She's not a child going through trauma anymore. She's responsible for the way she treats others, and, just like every other trauma survivor, she's responsible of finding ways of coping with her trauma without hurting others. We can't control our emotions, but, as adults, we can control how we react to those emotions and we can decide not to act on them.

All this to say, you can acknowledge that your mom loves you deeply while still holding her accountable for the pain she's causing you. Both are not incompatible. You don't have to choose between honouring the fact she loves you and advocating for yourself.

I hope some of this helps to hear. Sending a big virtual hug ❤️

#ask #flower anon #Abuse #Abuse tw #Physical abuse tw #Emotional abuse tw #controlling parents #Trauma tw #Cycle of abuse #abortion tw

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 11 months

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Purple again. Unsure what I'm looking for. Suicide mention.

So a few days ago I got offered the closest I'm going to get to help right now, which was talking with a friend of my mother in law's who is a professional psychologist. I'd already met this person a couple times, so she'd have been close enough to not feel like a total stranger but not close enough to be biased in my favor or anything, so I was honestly, seriously thinking of trying it. Starting out small obviously to make sure she'd be confidential like she promised, but still I was really considering it. Better than waiting at least six months to see the exact same therapist my wife does which I'm sure is some can of worms.

And then a bunch of negative things happened with my wife over a couple days and I ended up having a breakdown in which I opened up about the suicidal thoughts I've been having. She absolutely lost it, down to trying to force me to be admitted. I managed to talk her out of that but it was terrifying, and I was still stressed and crying a lot through the next few hours. I don't remember how we got on the subject but she got mad at me for not talking to this family friend yet, to which I said I wanted to but I was scared since I didn't know if I could avoid talking about the ways my wife has been abusive to me through the years, since while that's far from my only trauma it's a recent and painful one that definitely contributes to why I'm not doing well.

She...got pretty mad about that, and said that I wouldn't be able to talk about it from a non biased point of view and that I'd just try to make myself look like a victim and that I just needed to stop being delusional and thinking of myself as the victim in events in my life.

That...well it fucked me up pretty badly. Originally, she'd encouraged me to get therapy to finally work through some childhood trauma, especially csa, but also some neglect and bits of physical violence. I'd finally opened up to her about it just under a year ago, mostly because I needed someone to tell me if they thought my memories were real or I'd just made them up to seem like a victim and get pity. Even after she said she believed me, I was still terrified that one day she'd decide I'd made it up to seem like a victim. I mean, she's dismissed my responses to her physically hurting me or sexually assaulting me before so it wouldn't be surprising if she dismissed this too. And while she never fully said that in regards to my childhood, she did say that was how I saw our relationship (she's never fully just said all of it was my fault, but has definitely implied it a lot) and also went on about how I actually had a really good life with everything handed to me. It just...really hurt. I'd told her the worst things that have happened in my life, told her about growing up largely ignored and with a mom who's hoarding was so bad I basically lived in a dumpster. I'd only recently started to accept how crap things have been most of my life, how much that messed me up mentally and that I needed help, and then she had to tell me everything was good actually, and on top of that I just wasn't grateful for the amazing life I've had and I deserved absolutely nothing.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I want to leave her but I can't. She barely knows how to do...anything required for an adult to function and refuses to go back to work and says she'll die if I leave, but I want to leave so badly. Even with her trying to change over the past few months there have still been some pretty bad times, and I'm always either on edge or dissociated around her, but I know I can't leave now. But now, after what she said, even though all I really wanted from therapy was learning to deal with stress better and not make people angry all the time, I can't even reach out for help. I hate it. She said she didn't mean it and got all sad when I tried to bring it up, but it's stuck regardless. She knew I was afraid of hearing all those things. Even without her saying them I've had panic attacks about that fear. It had finally been starting to abate some and then she had to say all my fears out loud, all at once. Who am I kidding she's probably right and I should just accept that. It all either didn't happen or it was all my fault or both I don't know

I don't know where I was going with this, really, but I just hate that it seems like I officially have to get better on my own and I don't know if I can do that. I'm sorry.

Hey Purple,

I'm so sorry to hear about what's been going on recently. Please know that you don't deserve to be talked to that way, and I can imagine how hurt that must make you, having already shared such tender details with her.

It's great that you potentially have an opportunity to be seen by a professional psychologist, and it's definitely better than nothing at all. However, something I learned in counseling class is that a psychologist and a therapist are two different people. A psychologist is typically someone who diagnoses clients or conducts research, rather than providing therapy. So do consider that this person may not actually be a therapist in any capacity. They may be a professional psychologist, but they may not be a LMHC.

That aside, I wish your wife were more understanding of the factors that can complicate seeking professional help. It sounds like she puts multiple layers of unrealistic expectations on you, ignoring what you've been through and how it shapes who you are today. It's incredibly dismissive of her to accuse you of trying to look like a victim as if you aren't, and I can understand how this comment must've deeply hurt you.

It can be really hard to know how to feel about someone who has harmed us in the ways you've described, especially when it's someone we're extremely close to or are even legally bonded to. It sounds like she is manipulative in many ways and puts unrealistic pressure on you to stay, insisting that she would die if you left. It can be hard to internalize but please consider that your wife's decisions for herself are her responsibility only. It would not be your fault for respecting your boundaries and yourself by leaving, even if she chooses to make matters worse for herself because of it. You don't deserve to be guilt tripped into a relationship that has caused you immense pain. You also don't deserve to feel trapped in a relationship with someone who refuses to take accountability for insulting, hurting, and assaulting you.

Therapy and healing is ultimately something to be done to yourself, but not alone. You deserve to be surrounded by people who can support you in your healing journey, and I hope that we can be an example of that.

I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw sa #purple #tw sui

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stalpra-and-100-fandoms · 2 years

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Damianya Equestrian Race Fanfic

I really love this story I made (I hope I'm original with this), but I don't have the energy to actually type it all out in proper prose.

Super long, you have been warned.

One day, at the end of History class which was also the last class of the week, Professor Henderson tells his class of the quinquennial (something that happens once in 5 years) Junior Equestrian Race that is to take place in 4 months. He explains the race, as well as the fact that only two students from all of the First to Sixth Grade will be chosen to be riders in the race after a rigorous selection process.

"Only those who perform elegantly in the training and audition shall proceed to race"

He also explains that only one student will race, and the other will serve as a backup. The one who races and wins the race will receive 2 Stella Stars, while the other will receive 1.

Hearing this, 11-year-old Anya Forger sees this as the spiffing opportunity to promote herself to the Imperial Scholar status and make Plan A a success. She is currently at 6 stars, most of them being acquired from community service and sports rather than academics.

She asks Becky who answers in the negative, saying that she's not that sporty but will definitely cheer the loudest for Anya at the stands.

She mind-reads Damian's thoughts as follows: This is perfect! I'm only 2 stars behind Demetrius and this race will make me an Imperial Scholar. I *will* win this race.

─────────────────── ⋅⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋅ ───────────────────

Anya goes home and tells her parents about it and says she wants to join as well. The first thought that comes to Loid's mind is: Yes! This is exactly what we need for Operation Strix! 2 Stellas mean that Anya will be a Scholar and will be in the elite group and can get close to Desmond. Yes!

Anya's face visibly lit up at his thoughts.

But no-

Anya's face was like: Wha-

Loid, thinking: Will she be able to take the strain? She needs to keep up with school work simultaneously and she's only started to get the hang of it. She'll also probably need to stay at a separate training centre as opposed to her own home. I don't know if I should say yes. It will be extraordinarily helpful to the mission even if she's the backup. One Stella goes a long way. But I also need to consider her. Is she only wanting to do this so that she can get a Stella and please me? No, that's not right. That's not the relationship I want to form with her. This should come completely from her wish to participate rather than my wish for her to be an Imperial Scholar. I'll try to ease her out of the idea. She matters first.

Anya was utterly and dumbfoundedly touched by her Papa's concern for her but she held her ground. She eventually won the dispute with some help from her Mama who said: "Since she's so fixed on the idea, why not let her do it? It'll be good exercise too." She also shot a glance to her husband which only meant: And if we don't let her do something that she really does want to do, she'll resent us both later.

(Yor goes on to tell Loid afterwards about that one time when she refused to take Yuri to an insect catching competition [he was young so he needed his guardian with him] due to her own fear of insects and about how he held a grudge against her for the next 2 hours)

Loid is thankful for Yor's intervention, thinking, "Thanks Yor, I really owe you one. I can't take the risk of having Anya resent me. That will be unbearable."

"and harmful to the mission" as an afterthought

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At the training academy itself, Damian saw Anya on the first day when they were doing warm-ups. He began thinking of all the ways he could make her quit the race so that his chances of winning were higher. Because, to be honest, he was intimidated by her. She might be a dunce at studies but her knack for tactile and physical work was downright terrifying. She received one of her Stellas after knitting blankets for a church relief programme. That in itself is ridiculous, but the fact that she knitted so many blankets that even after the bulk of them was sent amply to all the soldiers at the border and orphans and needy, there was still a surplus amount. This made national headlines and Eden had to give her a Star. She also was runner-up in a volleyball tournament and got another Star that way. Anya, being both ally and opponent, was a force to be reckoned with.

Deciding that he has to get rid of Anya, he gets Emile and Ewen (who obviously followed him into the competition) into the tried-and-failed method of taunting her to give up. Long story short, she didn't.

After seeing that she hasn't budged in two weeks, Damian tells Emile and Ewen to cut it out, saying it was pointless anyway.

However, in all the letters and phone calls he received from his brother, he was ridiculed. Demetrius was a master rider and was condescending towards his brother, saying that he might not be able to win anyway and that getting the Stellas through a race won't impress Father. (Headcanon: Demetrius received all his Stellas through academics.) (Another Headcanon: Demetrius is a total jerk sometimes.)

All this began to get to Damian and he even thought of dropping out of the race, so clearly that Anya was to pick it up from a distance (Note: Anya's powers have gotten stronger, yes, but the distance between Damian and her was remarkable)

Horrified, not because Plan B was in danger (she wasn't even thinking about that) but by the sheer fear of seeing a strong and persistent force like Damian's getting shattered, Anya made it her mission amidst all this to make sure that Damian's spirits were up. No way is she gonna let Sy-on Boy give up!

So she went for the tried-and-true method of taunting Damian (lol). This soon became his motivation to remain and get better at racing: so that he can slap that stupid smirk off her face without ever needing to raise his hand at her. His skills will speak for themselves.

Damian came to enjoy racing in general and also, though he won't admit it, Anya's company as a rider and friend at the training academy.

Damian and Anya are chosen to be riders.

─────────────────── ⋅⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋅ ───────────────────

It's the day of the race. 12 schools, Eden included, are participating. Everyone agrees that having Damian ride first increases Eden's chances of winning, as he's more skilful (btw he did impress Anya).

Anya agrees as well until she mind-reads the school that'd be riding adjacent to Eden. (Let's call them Dumstrung for funsies [no infringement nor hate intended]) They have planned to injure Eden's horse and rider by digging their studded boots into the Eden rider's flesh. (If you're wondering how they'll be having studded boots in the race, their school shoes are studded boots.)

Mortified, Anya hastily enlists herself as the first rider, much to everyone's surprise, and added dismay on Damian's part. So, this whole time, you just wanted to one-up me? he thought. He was even furious as Anya wouldn't explain her decision. She simply told him that he'll be grateful for her sacrifice. "WHAT THE HELL THAT MEAN!" he yelled as she ran to the track.

Even though they want to wholeheartedly support their daughter, Loid and Yor did think that Anya made a rash decision.

Becky is the only one happy with this development and when she saw Anya on the race track she instantly changed into a cheerleader outfit, complete with pompoms, wristbands, headbands and shoes. (she got Martha to pack all this for her)

The blank fire is shot and the race has begun. Much to everyone's surprise, again, Anya is gaining on the others and is neck to neck with Dumstrung at the very front.

Not wavering from their plan, the student from D kicks to their left and hits Anya's right calf. It happened at the very end, so theoretically Eden should've been too slow to react and Dumstrung should've won.

Anya was not going to let that happen. As soon as she felt the impact, she stood up on the saddle and leaned to her right so that she falls on the Dumstrung student and topples them over, effectively stopping the race and them from winning.

─────────────────── ⋅⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋅ ───────────────────

Anya was relieved that Sy-on Boy was uninjured. She really felt like a hero then, just like her Papa. But that didn't help with the pain. Bleeding, Anya yelled into the dirt track as security personnel stopped the other riders and first aid came to the track.

Actually, Loid and Yor got to her first. Amidst all this panic, no one questioned how Mr and Mrs Forger jumped all the way from the stands and didn't flinch and ran to Miss Forger at a dozen miles per hour. They themselves didn't, either.

In the interval between the first and second "correction" race, Anya was treated, new horses were brought in and it was decided that all the backups of all the schools were to ride now.

Dumdtrung was obviously and immediately disqualified and disgraced.

Damian ran to the infirmary at the earliest opportunity and found Anya in a cast with her parents and Professor Henderson on either side of her. They share a knowing look and walk out of the room, telling them to "strategize" about what to do next.

No sooner than the door closed, Damian exploded with all his frustrations and confusions and "How the hell did you"s.

Anya had her "HEH" face on.

Anya read his mind how he was beating himself and calling himself worthless for not being able to stand his ground to protect one of his only friends. What kind of shit am I to let her get hurt? Worthless. WORTHLESS.

"Damian," Anya said seriously.

He looked up and blushed a bit as she said his actual name.

"I'll be fine. Just go ride and get the trophy for Eden! The Stellas are waiting for you!"

Feeling reassured, Damian went to the track with newfound confidence.

─────────────────── ⋅⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋅ ───────────────────

As he continued to race, he felt all the eyes of the spectators. Strangers. Teachers. Classmates. Friends. Ewen and Emile. That Blackbell. The Forgers. Everyone.

But he didn't pay any attention.

He raced straight ahead, the only thought on his mind was of Anya, in a cast. Who had literally sacrificed herself for him to ride safely. It all made sense and he was going to avenge her.

In the last 100 metres, however, as the commentary announced his speed and position, he felt a new pair of eyes on him. He knew it.

It was his father's.

Finally, I have his attention! he thought. At that moment, nothing else mattered. But immediately it did. The attention will be short-lived if he doesn't win the race, get the 2 Stellas and become an Imperial Scholar. I'm so close!

He charged and his head began to feel woozy. Dammit! Damn my family! His father's family had a medical history of blood pressure. Even Demetrius suffered from it. Damian himself had felt it lightly from time to time but never as bad as this.

"But no-" he said nearly aloud as the world began fading in and out in front of him. "I'm so close-" 10 metres, he thought. I'm just there.

As it happens, another school opted for foul play. No weapons were used this time, the student's hand was the last straw on the camel's back.

Why? Damian thought as the dust clung to the sweat on his skin, his face becoming encrusted in the dirt. The other must've crossed the line by now. Second. That's what he became. That's what he'll remain. Forever never enough.

─────────────────── ⋅⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋅ ───────────────────

Damian woke up in the Cecile Hall Dorm. I disappointed them so badly? he thought. He was moving in and out of consciousness but he got dressed. Presently, Ewen came in and reprimanded him for straining himself, "The nurse said you need to rest, Boss-Man,"

"Shut up,"

"What?"

"Don't talk to me,"

Feeling the shame rising to his throat, Damian countered any attempts at conversation from Ewen and Emile, as he joined them, and walked to the Dining Hall in silence. The students were having lunch and were chatting as always, but upon seeing Damian Desmond come they went silent.

Feeling himself cower into his own body, Damian quietly took his food and sat at an empty table, Emile and Ewen on either side.

"Yo!" someone yelled rather inelegantly, directing it at him. Damian immediately knew it belonged to Anya but couldn't bring himself to look at her. How could he? He literally failed her when she had given him the golden chance.

"Congratulations, Sy-on Boy!"

Confused, Damian raised his head to see Anya's green eyes dancing with delight. He turned his head to see that everyone was smiling at him, some of them rivalling Anya's if that was possible.

What on Earth?- he thought.

Slowly but sure-as-hell loudly, Anya began to clap. The clapping multiplied without warning, jumping to possibly a three-digit number before 15 seconds. The same thing went for the congratulations.

"Congrats, Boss-Man!"

"Congratulations, Damian!"

"You sure put on a show, Desmond"

"Way to go!"

At one point, it began to get so loud that the janitors outside thought that the students were up to some collective mischief and entered the Hall quickly.

As the children barely quietened at the sign of authority, Damian took his chance and asked out loud "But why are you clapping? I lost the race,"

George Glooman said smugly, "You're so behind the times, Desmond"

"What?" Damian began to feel warm in his face, starting to understand the implications, just barely.

"Did you think that dirty cheater won? You're dumber than you let on, Desmond." Becky taunted, holding back a million giggles.

"What?" So dumbfounded, that's all he could say.

"You won, you dummy Imperial Scholar," Anya said, laughing openly.

Shocked, Damian looked down at his uniform. Sure enough, there were 8 golden Stellas, arranged in 2 neat rows.

"The ceremony's tomorrow since you're awake. You really did it Boss-Man!" Emile said that, or maybe Ewen, Damian wasn't sure.

"You're the youngest Imperial Scholar. Just 11 years old! That surpasses even your brother, Damian!"

"Duh, our year is that brilliant!"

"Three cheers for Damian Desmond!"

"Whooooo-Hoooooo"

"NOW YOU NEED TO TREAT US TO CAKE, SY-ON BOY!"

"YEAH"

Damian couldn't hear any of them. I'm a Scholar now, he looked at everyone's jovial faces, You guys...

(Against his will he bawled and laughed.)

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After the Stella giving ceremony, Loid started up the car as Yor brought Anya. She had been staying at the School Ward since the race. Anya asked to be let down and gingerly apologized, mostly to Loid, "I'm sorry I messed up,"

Loid walked out of the car and held his daughter tenderly, "Why should you be sorry? You did so well, my little peanut,"

"I didn't get two Stellas..."

Fearing that she did this all for the Stellas after all, Loid decided to calm Anya down, "That's the least of our worries right now. You're safe and that's what's important little penguin," he gave her shoulder a tight squeeze, hoping to make her less worried.

Anya instead just smiled wearily and pinched her fingers as she mumbled, "I was this close to completing Plan A,"

"What?" Before Loid could register what his daughter had said, his ears perked up at the sound that was calling to them.

And a running, flush-faced Damian charged towards them, his black-and-red robes flying behind him like the wings of a Griffin. In his hand he held a white paper, now what could that be about?

"Oi, Shri-" he then realized that the Forger parents were right there and so stood in rapt attention, greeted them with a very solemn good afternoon and introduced himself (despite the fact they know him very well already). Good hundredth impressions are important.

He extended his hand to Loid who pointed to Anya and so Damian passed the card to her and began, "Um, Anya- I mean everyone, I invite you all to my mansion this coming weekend,"

Disbelief and surprise were etched on the Forgers' faces.

Yor, thinking: How sweet of him. Desmond, huh? Isn't that... a politician? As long as nothing messy goes on, I think it's fine.

Anya, thinking: Sy-on Boy? Are you helping Plan B yourself?

Loid, thinking: When did they become so close? Anya, my girl, I'm proud of you!

Anya stammered, "But why so suddenly, Sy- Damian?"

He replied, laughing to the sky, "Father's having a party to celebrate Eden's victory and my Imperial Scholarship. Jeeves said that he said I could bring someone outside my usual circle and I insisted it was gonna be you."

Realizing his wording, Damian flushed madly, "I mean- it's only right! You raced as well! I'm not a spoiled sport!"

"See you, then," he said. "Yeah! You too!" Anya waved to him as he stood at Eden's Gates and her father drove out of the parking lot in high spirits.

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imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl · 4 years

Text

Love On-Set (Pt. 01 of 10)

Pairing: Dacre Montgomery X Reader

Word count: 3K

Next part (02) ->

Summary: You knew acting on Stranger Things season 3 would be a challenge, and you also knew, from the start, you'd have to work closely with Dacre Montgomery. But is wasn't a big deal for you, since this is your job and you're determined to act professionally. You had it all figured out, or so you thought, until the moment you were out face to face with Dacre. Then, this job became a lot harder than it was supposed to be, since you can't seem to focus whenever you're around Dacre. And you'll have to be around him a lot until the end of production.

{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

First Sight

The minivan stops right before entering the set as the driver speaks with one of the security guards. A huge structure was built around the area, and if it wasn't for the strong lights, you'd be in complete darkness. It's late at night, but yet, there are some journalists and a lot of cameras. They immediately surround the car, trying to see who's inside.

“Vicki, do you think I should go out and talk to them?” You decide to ask her first, because you're not as known as the other actors, and you're not sure if they'd want to talk to you.

“Sure. But don't take long.” She nods, touching the drive's shoulder and telling him to wait.

Taking a deep breath, you push the door open, a smile on your face as the cameras quickly find you. Running a hand through your hair, to make sure it's not messed up, you take in all the microphones and smartphones pointed at your face.

“(Y/N), could you answer some questions?” A short, dark-haired guy asks, a camera flashing.

“It depends on the question, but I'll try my best.” This seems to please them, and you wonder if the others couldn't afford a few minutes.

“Your posted on your Instagram account that you were a Stranger Things fan from season one.” A woman asks. “How was the transition from being a fan to acting on the show?”

“It was fantastic.” The first season of the show was still driving people crazy when you got the call for an audition for the role of Amy Whitehall, for seasons two and three. Vicky, you have no idea how, got in touch with some friends when she heard they were searching of someone with physical traits similar to yours. Thankfully, the audition went well and you got the job. “It's an honor to be part of this masterpiece. The only bad part is that now I have some spoilers.”

“Your character's scene by the end of season two had any interaction with Billy Hargrove, Hawking's bad boy. Does that mean she'll be in any kind of relationship with him?”

For that, you have to think, careful not to say anything that will expose the plot.

People are very interested in Billy, not sure exactly where the character will go from now on, after his introduction on season two. He stole many hearts, for love or hate, dividing opinions. And your character had a short appearance by very end of the last episode, shown in an interaction with him. On her way to the ball, to help Nancy, Billy almost runs her over with his car, after dropping his sister. They had a small dialogue, him asking her to get out of the way and her telling him to look where he was going. Then a pause, a little bit of tension, and that was it.

“I'm not allowed to answer that, but Amy's scene was just an introduction. Her character will be around throughout season three.” Offering another smile, you turn around, giving attention to someone else.

“What will be a new threat? The season finale raised a lot of questions about–”

“Excuse me, excuse me.” Vicky pokes her head out, a hand raised. “I'm sorry, but we have to get going.”

“Aright.” You mumble. “Thank you, guys. Bye.” Politely, you wave at the reporters before going back into the van.

You're soon moving again, leaving the entrance behind and driving in darkness for some minutes before more lights come into your sight until they're all around you. The set was built around a piece of the road, where you already shot earlier this week.

“C'mon, (Y/N). Hair and make-up." Vicky urgers, stepping out of the van with you.

You easily find your way around the set, chatting with people as they do your hair and put the makeup on. There will be a tiny cut above your left eyebrow, and Ron, the guy who always take care of the fake wounds around here, takes only fifteen minutes to get it done. Once you're ready, Vicky guides you to the filming area, and you sit on your chair a few feet away, under one of the many huge tents scattered around the place.

“Hi.” Someone says, and you abruptly look up from your phone, finding your co-star. The only co-star of the day, Dacre. He's already full Billy, with the mullet wig and the leather jacket. “I didn't mean to startle you. Just thought I'd come to say hello before the scene.”

You haven't properly spoken to Dacre. The single scene you made was quick, one of the last, and the set was a mess. So you didn't have the chance to talk, and ever since, you haven't crossed paths with him. But today's scene is all about your characters. Amy's first appearance on season three will have her running from something in the woods, the Mind Flayer, and she crashes her car on Billy's, while he's on the way to meet Mrs. Wheeler. That's it for today, their first meeting.

“Hi.” Smiling back, you shake his hand. “I'm (Y/N).” You decide to remind him.

“I know.” He simply says. “Do you want to go over the lines before the real thing?”

He has such a nice voice, it's impressive. You've watched some of his movies, and he's really good. It's not like you haven't acted before, but nothing so important or famous as Stranger Things. You can't help but be a little nervous. “Sure.” Blocking your phone, you stand up, leaving it on your seat.

“Alright. Let's–”

“(Y/N)! Dacre! It's time, c'mon!” The director calls, cutting you off.

“Guess we'll go straight to the real thing,” Dacre says as you start making your way to where the cars are positioned.

Billy's Camaro and Amy's light green Toyota are placed a few inches apart, the front part already wrecked and a light smoke coming off from under the hood.

“The mechanism will push the cars on each other and the rest you already know.” Your stylist comes to check on you one last time, making sure everything is perfect. When she steps away, you get inside the car.

A few days ago you shot Amy's way over here, driving insanely fast, running from the shadows creeping. Most of the scenes where Amy will be alone were already made since there weren't many. She will be around the others a lot, as the events are unrevealed.

Once you're in the car, you take your time to get into character, ignoring the orders being yelled outside. The lights are turned off, and the road before you is almost completely dark.

“Let's get it started, everyone!” The director shouts. “Action!”

At his command, the car jerks forward.

Letting your head fall on the wheel, you breathe fast, wide eyes acknowledging what just happened, the crash, the smoke, the other car that collided with yours. Looking over your shoulder, you imagine, you picture it coming, moving through the threes, growing closer.

“What the hell!” The voice yells as you try to make your car start again, uselessly. “You could've killed me!”

“Damn it.” Cursing under your breath, overcome by terror, you step out of the car, running around it and into the other one, which is still working, opening the passenger door and rushing inside.

“What do you think you're doing? Get the hell out of my car!” Dacre shouts at your face, in Billy's voice, a little deeper.

“There's something in the woods!” You yell, looking through the rear windshield. “It's coming!”

“Are you crazy or something?! You almost wrecked my car!” As he speaks, you imagine it once again, the tentacles coming from the sky, taking over the road behind you.

Then you grab his arm, squeezing the muscle underneath the jacket. He's in the middle of a sentence when he looks back too, immediately going silent as he's eyes meet the same inexistent thing you're seeing.

“What the–”

“Drive!” You burst out, and the car starts moving.

“Cut!” The director's voice reaches both of you and Dacre hits the brakes.

Relaxing, you let go of his arm.

“That was great, but I want another take. Ryan, turn those lights down.”

The scene is repeated three more times, with different lighting until they finally decide it's perfect. Then the whole set starts moving to the next scene, which is the sequence to what just played out. It'll be shot in a street Northeast from the road, and since it'll play out from the Camaro, you're told to stay in the car as Dacre drives there, following the other cars.

“You did well back there,” Dacre says as you move, taking a different turn from the other cars to reach your mark. The street has a few small houses on one side, which will have their lights on and some people moving inside and on their balconies, and tall threes on the other.

“You too. Hope I didn't hurt your arm, but Amy was terrified.” Shrugging your shoulders, you smile to hear his giggle.

“I noticed.” He says. “But my arm will survive.”

Looking his way, you're able to have a good look at him now. It's a little dark, but you can take in his features. Dacre makes the mullet look good, which is impressive since you absolutely hate the hairstyle. But not on him. Clearing your throat, you look away. “Make sure it will. You'll need it.”

Dacre stops by the mark, everyone apparently already on their positions. “Things are about to get tense for Billy and Amy now.”

“First fight.” You say, taking a look at your outfit to make sure nothing is out of place. “Enemies to lovers is quite a good arch.”

“I like it too.”

“(Y/N). Dacre. Are you ready?” The director asks and both of you give him a thumbs up, hands off the window. The crew with the microphones and cameras are already positioned, ready for the scene. “Alright then. Ready... Action!”

Dacre moves the car forward, just enough to fake it as he hits the breaks. “What was that?” Billy asks, annoyed for some reason Amy wouldn't know.

“I don't know.” With a hand on your hair, shaking a little, you breathe fast, terrified. “Just take me home.”

“Now I gotta drive you home too?”

“Screw you.” The sudden outburst and the disgust in his voice makes you bolt out of the car, keeping in mind not to look at the cameras following you.

“Are you going to walk?” Billy yells, but you don't look back, walking fast, crossing your arms. “Wait.”

“Screw. You.”

“Don't be an idiot.” You roll your eyes when you notice he's coming closer. Dacre grabs your arm, forcing you to turn around. “Are you really going to walk home with that... Thing out there?”

You're confused at his change of moods, pushing your arm away. “Does it look like I have a choice? You just saw that–” You gesture at the threes on the other side of the road. “–and you still couldn't bring yourself to drive a lady home. You're such a gentleman.” Raising your voice, you put the same tone of disgust in your voice that you heard in his. The cameras move a little closer, and you know why. That's when the tension starts, when Amy stands up to Billy. Stepping forward, lifting your head to try and look him in the eye, you put a single finger in his chest. “You're far worse than what people say you are.” You don't get why his eyes make you nervous. Maybe this whole thing is more than you're used to, too big of a production for you after a few years away from the cameras. As much as Dacre's face being so close makes you feel funny, you gotta keep it cool, don't let it show. You're scared, terrified of a monster in the woods.

“Cut the bullshit and let's go.” He takes your arm again, but you refuse to follow him, standing your ground.

“Let go!” You struggle a bit on his grip, noticing how you actually need to act as if it's tighter than it really is. When he turns to face you again, as you struggle, his face comes close again, his eyes filled with Billy's annoyance.

“Get your butt–” Exactly in time, a crack reaches your ears, and both you and Dacre look at the woods with wide eyes, your breaths caught in your throats, unsure of what made that noise, but not excited to find out. “Let's get out of here.”

“Yeah.” You mumble, heading back into the car.

“And cut!” The director yells as soon as you close the door shut. “That was good, but I want another take. I want the same tension you both built on season 2, only now it's stronger, you're face to face. And Dacre, work this out because people need to be convinced Billy likes someone for something else than just fool around.”

You both nod, repeating the same thumbs-up gesture. Taking a deep breath you wait for the sign and starts moving, doing pretty much the same until you're both out of the car, but this time, when Dacre pulls your arm, you act as if the pull was stronger then it actually was, letting yourself collide against his chest before stepping away. “Are you really going to walk home with that... Thing out there?”

“Does it look like I have a choice? You just saw that and you still couldn't bring yourself to drive a lady home. You're such a gentleman.” Instead of just putting a finger on his chest, you push him away with both hands, not keeping the normal distance as doing so, and letting your eyes fall on his unbuttoned shirt for a couple of seconds before raising your them again. You feel the heat on your cheeks, and you know you're blushing. Checking him out was not the intention.

Dacre's eyes meet yours, and for a second they soften before the usual annoyance comes back. You wonder if he's trying to say something, give you a hint about something he wants to do, but you have no idea what it might be. “Cut the bullshit and let's go, princess.” The weight on the last word is different, lower, meant as in insult, an irony.

“Let go!” You whisper-yell, trying to pull away, but you stop when Dacre holds the other arm, trying to drag you to the car. His stare is intense, and the cameras move a little, coming closer, and you know they're focusing on your faces. “Let go.” You repeat, much lower this time, trying to put some distance between you and him, since your bodies are way too close already.

“Get your butt–” The crack again, the stare at the woods, and the sudden change of moods. Run now, fight later. “Let's get the hell out of here.”

Nodding in agreement, you give your arms one last push, and Drace's eyes come back to you as if remembering he was still holding you, finally releasing his grip. You both run to the car and the scene is over.

Despite saying it was perfect, the director wanted two more takes. He wants proximity, touching, anger mixed with a sudden, recently discovered passion from an unexpected connection at first sight. You're happy to hear that you did achieve that, not sure if it came from your skills or the funny feeling you had in your stomach through the scene. It's weird to have someone you basically just met so close, only inches away.

When it's all done, you take off the outfit and put your clothes back on after washing the make-up away. Then you wait for Vicky, leaning against the minivan, scrolling through your Instagram feed.

“Hi again.” You see Dacre approaching through the corner of your eyes, raising your head to look at him. “Have you checked in at the hotel yet?”

“Yes, just before coming here.” All the actors are staying at the same hotel, just so it's easier to gather everyone around when needed, and be sure of the time it gets for them to get on set.

“I came in my car. I can give you a ride there if you like.” As he speaks, you see Vicky coming, talking with the director. Which you still don't know the name yet.

“I came with Vicky, my agent.” Gesturing at her, you feel embarrassed to decline, and you hope Vicky will say something to help you out as she usually does. “Right, Vi?”

“Oh, no.” Waving her hand in a fast motion, she puts a lock of her blond hair behind her ear. “Remember what I told you? Make connections, friends. Don't stick with me during the whole production.” She reaches out her hand and Dacre politely shakes it. “I'm Victoria Klein. (Y/N)'s agent and her mother's oldest friend.”

“Dacre Montgomery.” He simply says.

“You may take her to the hotel. I have some things to do and she needs to rest. Long day tomorrow.”

You just watch as Vicky sets you up as if you're not even there to make your own call. But you're too shy to say anything else, to still refuse Dacre's kindness. “Ok then. See you, Vicky.”

“Have a good night.” She says after giving you a quick hug.

Silently, you follow Dacre through the set to the parking lot. His car is among several different trucks, some of them already leaving. “Nice car.” You tell him as you get into the passenger seat.

“It's rented.” Dacre turns the ignition and the car comes to life. “I can't be without a car. What if I need to go somewhere?”

“Fair enough.”

He drives through the huge set and you fall into a comfortable silence, not sure of that to say. It would help if you could see some kind of landscape or anything at all through the window. Then you wouldn't look like an idiot with eyes glued at nothing but darkness.

“Did you stop to speak to the journalists?” Dacre asks when you reach the exit, waving at one of the guards.

“Yes. You?”

“Yeah. What did they ask?”

“Spoilers.” Shrugging your shoulders, you give him a glance, and he does the same. “About Amy's and Billy's relationship. What can be expected after their meeting in the season finale.”

A low giggle escapes his lips. “Wait until they know.”

“But they will have to wait until next year.”

“You did well back there. You actually blushed. How did you do that?” He stops at the red light, and you feel when he looks at you. Running a hand through your hair, you meet his eyes.

You weren't trying to blush. You just did. “I'm a very good actress.” Giving him a sassy smirk, you see when his lips break into a smile. It's different from Billy's smile, he doesn't act like he's trying to hide some unknown meaning behind it.

“You sure are.” The red light turns green and you start moving again. “Uhm... There will be a kissing scene, you know.” Oh. The kissing scene. You read through it, of course, you just didn't give much thought about it. “Have you ever done a kissing scene?”

“No.” The answer is quick, you don't have to think much. “In my long list of three movies, in two of them my character didn't have any romantic interests and in the other one it was platonic.” Dacre had done it, you remember from some movie, not sure which one. Your mother insisted on watching some of his movies, just so you'd ‘get to know your co-star skills’ before actually having to work with him. But it's different. It's completely different watching a character on screen and then meeting the person behind it.

“Oh, ok. I hope I won't make you feel uncomfortable.”

“Don't worry about that.” You're a professional, and that's your job. It's just a kiss anyways, and the scene won't be shot any time soon. You'll have time to get used to the idea.

“I just think that since our characters arch is connected from now on, it would be good to get to know each other. It helps a lot when the co-stars are somehow friends.”

“Of course.” He has way more experience in this than you, so whatever he says, you agree.

When you get to the hotel, Dacre leaves his car on the underground parking lot, and, despite having his room key, he insists on accompanying you to the reception to get your card. Once you're in the elevator, you rest your back against the mirror, watching the numbers as they light up.

“We should exchange numbers,” Dacre says, turning to look at you. “In case some of us need to go through the lines or work on something.” He shrugs his shoulders, the light fabric of his white shirt moving. “It's a thing among us. You'll be invited to a lot of parties like that.”

“Sure.” Taking your phone off your pocket you unlock it and hand it over to him as he does the same. Quickly, you type your number and save if on his contacts list.

“That's my stop.” He says when you reach the 14th floor. “See you tomorrow.”

“Good night.” You mumble, waving at him as the elevator door closes again.

The first thing you do when you get to your room is kick off your shoes, already undressing to hit the shower before throwing yourself on bed. It's very late and you won't have many hours of sleep. You're halfway to the bathroom when you take your phone to put on some music. But you don't recognize the object in your hand. After a moment of confusion, you realize it's Dacre's phone.

“What now?” Stopping on your tracks, you start making the way back and gathering the clothes you left on the floor, putting them on again. Since you don't know the number of his room and knocking from door to door is ridiculous, you decide to call reception and just ask. But on your way to the landline they have near the couch, Dacre's phone starts ringing. You were wondering who would it be when you read your own name on the screen.

“Oh, hi.” You're quick to pick up. “I guess you have my phone.”

“Yeah, I got lucky it didn't lock, or else I'd have to call reception asking for your room.” His voice gets a lot darker through the phone. “Would you tell me which one is it? I'm already heading to your floor.”

“1703.” Already making your way to the door, you hear the soft beep of the elevator's doors opening.

“I'm almost there.” He's still speaking when he turns the corner, getting into your sight. You hang up, a shy smile on your face. “Sorry about that.” He hands you over your phone and you give him back his.

“It's alright. We're both tired.” You expect him to just say good night and leave, but he doesn't, shifting his weight from one leg to another.

“Have you met the others yet? Natalia, Joe, Millie...?”

“No, not yet.” You've heard they are very close, and you're the new girl in set. Saying you're nervous doesn't get anywhere close.

“I'm your only friend so far then.” Dacre states. “I'll break the ice with the others, don't worry.” He smiles again, and now, under the bright lights of the hotel hall, you can see his face perfectly. His blue eyes, a lot kinder then they were earlier today when he was Billy.

“Thanks. Guess I'll see you tomorrow then... Pool scenes.”

“Pool scenes.” He repeats. “I'll leave you to sleep now. Good night, (Y/N). Again.”

“Good night, Dacre.” Standing by the door, you watch as the walks away, towards the elevators.

You're about to head inside when, just before he turns around the corner, Dacre gives you one last look, a smile coming to his lips when his eyes meet yours.

@baker151910 @shinydixon @dreamin-of-dacre @hanoi15 @lickmymelanin @skykittysstuff

#dacre montgomery #imagine dacre montgomery #dacre montgomery imagine #dacre montgomery x reader #dacre x reader #dacre montgomery fanfiction #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove x y/n #imagine billy hargrove #billy stranger things #imagine stranger things #stranger things imagine

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years

Text

"...So I Married A Monster" *Chapter 6*

Note I was going to put a 'rough sex' gif under the cut for Lewis's shot, but I don't know if people want that. So here's a scared Rafael for your...pleasure?

Chapter 5

Chapter 7

Alright SO I posted a warning post earlier, but obviously I'm gonna put one here too.

This is probably the most graphic, dark chapter I've ever written for any story. With rape.

Please read at your own discretion.

Also it's a pretty short chapter, but trust me-- you wouldn't want it any longer. But I wrote another sweet short fluffy chapter after this one to make up for it.

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

@word-scribbless

@storiesofsvu

@believinghurts

--------------------------------

You did your best to keep calm and keep Billy happy as he aggressively groped at you with his hands, ripping off your shirt and then your bra before tossing you on the bed. Before all of this, you would have been super excited about the events transpiring. If there was one thing you and Billy were great at, it was sex. But somehow, this time it felt...different.

You didn’t know why, it didn’t make any sense to you. This was the same man, it was the same situation, he knew all your special places and you knew his. There were so many nights after he left you and the girls that you would dream about this moment, wishing for it so badly. But now that it was here, it almost felt...wrong.

“What’s wrong sweetie, you look like you’re somewhere else,” Billy stopped hungrily nibbling your neck to look into your eyes.

You used to look into those eyes and see such warmth and comfort, such lust and wanting. You had even told Rafael that you were still in love with Billy, so why didn’t you feel like it? Had they just been words? Words to hurt him because he hurt you by choosing Olivia?

Right now, that’s sure what it felt like. It felt like you were...cheating, on Rafael. Which was stupid, because you had literally just broken up with him. Didn't you? That’s what ‘done’ meant, right? Surely you had meant it in that moment; surely you meant it.

But now you weren’t sure.

“Hello, earth to Y/N!” Billy’s voice grew more agitated as he flicked you across the temple. He had never been so quick to anger before, you didn’t like this one bit.

“S-Sorry, baby,” You quickly put on a smile as your hand travelled down to his jeans, unhooking his belt. “It’s just been a day,”

“Oh, I know sweetheart,” He quickly changed his tune as soon as he felt you fondling with his belt. He helped you undo it and pulled off his jeans. You could feel his throbbing erection against your thigh.

“But daddy’s about to make it all better, I promise,” He gave you a sly grin.

You felt one hand wrap around your head and pulled it into his face even more aggressively than before. He began tugging at your hair as he attacked your neck and shoulders with hard, assertive bites. You remembered the sex between you two being rough, but you didn’t seem to recall it ever being this rough.

"Don't you like that, babe?" He asked as his mouth moved down your torso, pulling off your jeans this time.

"Mmmhmm…." You tried faking it as well as you could, feeling more and more uncomfortable the lower his mouth moved.

"Y'know, you used to be a LOT louder than this when we'd get down and dirty, baby girl," he observed while he moved to the end of the bed, ready to plunge inside you.

"Well Billy, the kids are in the next room," you thought of a plausible excuse as to why you weren't your "usual" self.

"Oh, makes sense," He nodded with a smile as he started chowing down on you like a sloppy dog.

You wanted to enjoy it, you tried to enjoy it, but you were accustomed to Rafael's sweet love making, he was so gentle with his tongue along your folds, taking time to enjoy every little moan and pleasure noise you made.You could often feel him smiling inside you while he gently lapped you up. You wished so badly you were with him right now. How had you fucked this up so badly?

Why didn't you listen to Rafael when he told you about Billy? Why had you not trusted him more? Why did you just react erratically just because you were mad at him? You should have thought it through, you should have heard him out. You should have--

"Alright now you're not even reacting Y/N, where the fuck are you?" Billy demanded.

"O-Oh I'm sorry Billy its just been--"

"A day. I know. You know I had a stressful fucking day too Y/N, having to deal with that prick ADA--- Wait," His eyes suddenly narrowed, he moved his face away from near your opening and looked you in the eyes, his glare in full effect.

Shit.

"Is that who you're thinking of right now? That fucking beaner?" He asked in an accusatory tone.

"He's Cuban not Mexican…." You muttered with a roll of your eyes.

"You really wanna get fucking cute with me right now, bitch?" He acted as if he was going to back hand you, but stopped himself.

"Billy!" You gasped. He had never been vulgar to you before.

"No, no Billy," He growled, pulling your naked body towards him.

"You're gonna stop thinking about that asshole right FUCKING now. I'm your goddamn husband, NOT him. I get to have you whenever I want and I want ALL of you. All of your attention, all of your fucking body. Do you understand me?" He snarled, practically drooling with rage.

"Y-Yes Billy," you tried not to start crying, now fully scared out your mind

"Good. Now flip over, I can't fucking look at you right now," He ordered you.

You flipped over to let him do doggie style but he started going in the wrong hole.

"Billy! What the fuck?" You tried not to yell.

"Well if you're gonna act like a whore thinking about other men than your husband, then I'm gonna fucking treat you like one. I'm gonna do what I want, and you're gonna shut up and take it. Got it?"

"B-Billy, please…." You pleaded with him. "Y-You know the last time we tried…"

"I don't give a FUCK, Y/N," He barked angrily. "I stopped last time because I didn't want to hurt you, because I loved you and you loved me. But now you've hurt me, so you're gonna hurt. REAL BAD," He barely rubbed some spit on his dick before he rammed it up your asshole.

You grabbed a pillow and screamed in pain, howling and trying to wriggle free from him. But he kept his hands wrapped tight around your stomach as he pumped rough and hard as fast as he could, getting off on the pain he was causing you, both mental and physical.

You tried to think of anything other than the pain, but it was so bad you could only cry and continue to scream into the pillow. It was worse than both times you went through labor, and that was saying something.

You prayed to God it would stop soon, he seemed to go on forever and ever. He was cackling softly as he felt you vibrating from the pain.

"Yeah, bet your fucking ADA didn't do you like this did he? What would he do if he saw you now? Hmmm….maybe we should find out,"

Your head snapped from out under the pillow at his threat. You saw him reaching for your phone that he had dropped next to your bed as he carried you into the bedroom.

"Oh God" You practically choked out, unable to speak from the pain. "N-n-no, Billy d-d-don't…"

"Oops would ya look at that I already did," Lewis shrugged with an evil smile.

----

Rafael was busy helping Olivia plan a rescue mission/battle plan when his phone went off. A FaceTime call request from you. He was absolutely terrified to answer it, but he had to answer it. He had to. As soon as he did, he wished he hadn't.

"Hey there Barba'' Lewis panted, a maniacal smile on his face. "You're missing all the fun!"

He could see Lewis had you pinned to the bed, shoving in and out of you forcefully. Your head was shoved into a pillow, to keep from screaming he imagined. He didn't know if he wanted you to look at him or not. He was watching you get raped, and he wanted to vomit.

Olivia noticed the horrified look on his face and stopped talking with the squad.

"Rafa are you-- ohmygod!" She instantly saw the revolting scene on his phone and immediately started pushing him into an interrogation room.

"Nobody needs to see this," Olivia started to shut the door but not before Lewis got to shout "NICE TO SEE YOU TOO DETECTIVE!!" At her.

Rafael was trying his best not to start sobbing; he didn't want to give Lewis the satisfaction. But the more he heard your muffled whimpers and screams of pain, the more he couldn't hold it back anymore.

"Lewis let her go," he begged. "Please I'll do anything you want, just let her go…."

"Well see Barba that's the problem," Lewis smirked. "I want Y/N to--" he suddenly stopped pumping you, feeling your body go limp. He angled the phone downward to reveal blood coming out of your anus and starting to cover the bed. You had passed out from the pain.

"Sorry Barba I'm gonna have to call you back, I have a situation," Lewis half laughed while wiping your blood off his dick.

"What the fuck-- LEWIS!!!" He screamed. "You better be calling a FUCKING ambulance!"

"Chill Barba, I'm sure she's fine. Just a little boo boo. I'll shove some toilet paper up there and she'll be good as new!" Lewis dismissed it, taking a pillow and putting it under your legs so the blood would at least attempt to stay in.

“Good ol’ RICE,” Lewis smirked, thinking of the old term they used in gym class back in the day. ‘Rest Immobilize Cold Elevate’.

“Now if I can get an ice pack from the freezer and tape it there…” Lewis thought out loud.

"Fuck you if you don't call one I will send one, I know exactly where you are" Rafael was losing his patience with him.

"NO, you're not," Lewis warned. "I'm not about to scare my girls by having cops and ambulances showing up here with all the bells and whistles,"

"She's going to DIE, asshole!!!" Rafael continued to scream. "You think your daughters won't notice THAT?"

"Look if she doesn't wake up in a few minutes I'll take her to an Urgent Care, tell 'em she liked it a little TOO rough, Kay?" He said flippantly.

"The fuck you will--" Rafael started to tell again but Lewis put the phone up to his face real nice and close.

"If you send ANYONE here Barba, she'll bleed out before you can touch her," He warned.

"Lewis…" Rafael was shaking. "Don't you love her? You told her you did, don't you care about her at all?"

"Of course I love her!" He snapped. "I'll always love her, she's the mother of my children. That creates a bond, greater than the two of you will ever have,"

"So why are you---"

"Because she needed to be reminded of that bond." Lewis explained. "She was thinking about you while WE were being intimate. I can't let shit like that slide, Barba," Lewis explained while gesturing to your unconscious body. He removed the pillow from your head so Rafael could the tear stained splotches on your face from screaming and crying so hard. Your face was almost white, he wasn’t even sure you were breathing.

"No…." Rafael's voice fell soft.

You had been thinking of him? Wishing you were with him? While Lewis was...having his way with you? He had caused this, he had caused your pain. You were being punished for simply loving him, and that broke his heart even more than it already was.

"You have a nice night there, counselor, ta!" Lewis's evil chuckle came through the screen before it went black.

The image of your body laying there unconscious and bleeding was going to be forever burned into Rafael's mind. He had to do something. SOMETHING.

He bursted out of the interrogation room where the team was still discussing strategy. Olivia immediately went to his side, knowing what he had just been through.

"Liv we--" he tried to stop from crying and compose himself. "We have to go there. We have to get her. We HAVE to,"

"Okay, Okay Rafa," Olivia tried to calm him down while the rest of the squad looked on in shock. They had zero idea what was happening.

"We'll go get her, it'll be okay," She assured him while trying to get him to calm down.

He hoped they wouldn't be too late.

#tw rape #rafael barba angst #rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba fanfiction #william lewis #william lewis angst #william lewis fanfiction #william lewis x reader #william lewis x you #william lewis imagine #william lewis x you smut

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jackcinephile · 3 years

Text

LO Fans: "I love Lore Olympus because it deals with serious themes, like sexual assault, abuse, gaslighting, trauma, and mental health issues!"

Me, who spent my life discovering and obsessing over masterpieces like this:

"You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that to impress me."

Yeah, I never understood that kind of praise. For one thing, people act like LO is groundbreaking for that reason, despite there being countless movies, books, tv shows, comics, and video games that also deal with the same themes. That isn't to say there can't be more stories like this, however. I, for one, am begging for another video game that comes close to the emotional resonance of Silent Hill 2, or for a faithful adaptation of Dracula and/or Phantom of the Opera, or for a horror movie as unsettling as The Howling! But to say any new story that deals with these themes is unique for doing so, is just simply not true. Lore Olympus is no more unique than any of these stories. Also, I don't understand the praise that Lore Olympus is great just by virtue of having these themes in the first place. Just because a story has serious themes, doesn't automatically make it good. Far too often does LO use its themes as a crutch for a plot that is standard issue among romances, as opposed to stories like The Howling, which has a very intriguing, outlandish plot that serves as a catalyst to explore themes of very real and relatable horror. Lore Olympus, without its intense themes, is just another story about the CEO falling in love with his intern. And don't get me wrong, I LOVE those kinds of stories, but Lore Olympus just doesn't really do it for me. And the poorly executed themes just hamper it even further for me.

If it wasn't already apparent, has anyone noticed a pattern between these titles? All but one are horror stories. In my opinion, that is one of the key differences between them and LO: Horror! The themes within, are ones that illicit terror, and the stories reflect that (even Phantom of the Opera--don't listen to anyone who says it's a romance). Starting with Dracula, one of the scenes that horrified me the most in the book was the one where Count Dracula sneaks into Mina's bedroom. The book describes him slitting open his own vein and forcing her to drink his blood. Mina then expresses feelings of violation, much akin to what rape survivors feel. It doesn't pull any punches in its shocking, horrific portrayal, but it never comes off as exploitative. That's because the best horror stories rely on the audience's empathy. In this case, nobody wants to feel violated, so we feel as horrified as the characters do when we read about this grotesque event. And because it is about illiciting fear through empathy, Dracula succeeds where Lore Olympus fails. Lore Olympus, before all else, is a romance. And rape should not be in a romantic story. Especially not when the narrative of LO uses this trauma to validate the relationship between the two leads. I'm not a fan of stories that use trauma to validate a relationship between romantic interests, and I think that partly stems from reading the Phantom of the Opera.

If you ask me, Phantom of the Opera is one if the best books to discuss abuse and gaslighting ever written! Despite misconceptions generated by the popularity of the musical, PotO is very much a horror story with hardly any romance at all. And it's one of the best examples about why using trauma to validate a romance is a very bad idea! You see, all the conflict of the story begins with The Phantom and his trauma. He was born with multiple physical deformities that cause him to look like a living corpse. Because of this, he is despised and rejected by the world in order to escape the hatred of the world, he commissions the construction of the Paris Opera House, complete with intricate catacombs where he can live out the rest of his miserable days. Then one day, a woman named Christine comes to work at the Opera as a chorus girl. She is sad and alone due to her being orphaned, without a friend in the world. She too is emotionally damaged and the Phantom thinks this means she'll understand him. The trouble begins instantly when he claims to be a character from a folktale that Christine's father used to tell her. This is when the manipulation and gaslighting begins. Part of what makes this so effective is how we see it from an outside perspective. The protagonist, Raoul, is in love with Christine and we get to see his confusion and growing concern when he starts realizing Christine is showing signs of an abusive relationship. What makes the relationship even worse is the fact that Christine actually does understand The Phantom. So she doesn't run away not only out of fear, but also compassion. She knows what it's like to feel isolated and dead to the world and The Phantom uses that against her. The more I describe this, the more parallels I begin to see to Hades' and Minthe's relationship. Yes, Minthe abused Hades in much of the same way as The Phantom abused Christine. Notice how Minthe keeps convincing Hades that they're the only people who understand each other, even going so far as to say, "We're the same." The funny thing is, that's exactly what the narrative uses to validate Hades' and Persephone's relationship! It tries to establish that Hades and Persephone relate to each other and they say, several times, "We're the same," to each other. But this is exactly how Hades got stuck in a toxic relationship with Minthe, so why is it suddenly okay now? Relationships that use shared trauma to validate themselves are almost always doomed to become toxic, in one way or another.

So what about the healthy relationship in Phantom of the Opera? Well, it's kinda interesting actually. You see, Christine eventually comes to realize that she needs help, so she turns to the protagonist, Raoul, to get her away from the Phantom. Raoul has an interesting character arc because he starts the novel being pretty immature and kinda selfish. He doesn't really take Christine's feelings into consideration. It's more like a boy chasing his childhood crush (actually that's exactly what happens). However, over the course of the story, as he becomes increasingly concerned with her well-being, he learns to care more about her feelings and her needs. This culminates in the climax, when he's willing to crawl through hell itself for her sake. I bring all this up because I wanted to compare Raoul with Hades as well. Hades is a very consistent character. He doesn't need an arc like Raoul because, from the very beginning, he's willing to put all of Persephone's needs before his, to a fault! That is his entire purpose within the narrative of LO. He exists to serve Persephone. Raoul didn't exist to serve Christine. He had his own journey of growing and maturing. And Christine didn't exist to serve Raoul either. It bothers me that a novel from 1910 has a more well-rounded relationship than a modern comic! Actually, now that I think about it, isn't Persephone's entire character arc supposed to be her learning that she shouldn't exist to serve others? Well, that totally contradicts Hades' role in the story, doesn't it? He exists to serve her! I guess, in the eyes of LO, it's only okay if men serve women, but not for women to serve men. Newsflash: neither is okay.

Now Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931) remains, to this day, one of the most terrifying movies I've ever seen! That's all thanks to its brutal depictions of domestic abuse. So Dr. Henry Jekyll believes the solution to enlightening the human race is to separate the good and evil in our souls. He solves this problem by creating a drug to do just that, which transforms him into Edward Hyde, but he becomes addicted and starts terrorizing a woman who was once a former patient of his. I think what makes this so effective, when compared to LO, is one simple factor: Fear. I am terrified of Edward Hyde, but whenever Apollo shows up, I'm just annoyed. That's because Hyde isn't being used to sell an agenda, while Apoll is. Apollo is all about making a statement about toxic masculinity, which always bothered me from the very beginning! Being an abusive cunt who rapes women has nothing to do with masculinity! It doesn't matter if you're masculine or feminine, anyone can be a cunting abusive rapist. If you are a rapist, it's because you're a monster who lacks empathy, not because of masculinity. And if you think masculinity has something to do with a lack of empathy, fuck off! Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is not about toxic masculinity. It's about how drug addiction can often hurt other people around us just as much, if not moreso, than ourselves. It also doesn't use rape to validate a relationship between characters. I'm sorry, but that is just the laziest storytelling technique. When the antagonist is a rapist OF COURSE the male love interest is going to look better by comparison! But when you take Apollo out of the equation, Hades stops looking like a desirable love interest real fucking quick.

So yeah, I think Hades makes for a bad love interest. That's mostly because he's so much like Shinji Ikari from Neon Genesis Evangelion. Yeah, the one title from the list above that's not a horror, but is no less relevant. The thing is, both Hades and Shinji have a lot in common, such as hating themselves, having a bad relationship with their father, and not caring at all about their own wants and needs. Oh, also Asuka's a better written character than Minthe, but that's a whole other topic. What makes Evangelion work, in my opinion, is that Shinji's whole journey is about learning to love himself, while Hades is portrayed as being perfect the way he is. Hades in LO is like a flawless beacon of virtue, solely because he worships the ground Persephone walks on. But the guy just doesn't care about himself at all! Like I said earlier, Hades guilty of the same self-destructive behaviors as Persephone but he's praised for it, while Persephone is encouraged to look after herself more often. Compare this to Shinji, whose life only gets worse the more he neglects himself. The only time Hades does something beneficial for himself is when he breaks up with Minthe, but immediately after that, he starts devoting every ounce of energy to Persephone! All that matters is her! He doesn't give a single fuck about himself. Sorry, but that's not good qualities in a male love interest. In all fairness, this is a problem with the romance genre as a whole. Most romances give priority to the protagonist (in this case Persephone) while neglecting the love interest (Hades). It's why I have a serious problem with the entire genre.

Now what could Silent Hill 2 have that is in any way relevant to Lore Olympus? Two words: Nightmare Fuel. Personifying trauma as literal demons is one of the smartest ideas anyone's ever had, because speaking from personal experience, that's how it feels. I just don't feel like the trauma experienced by the characters in LO is a waking nightmare like it is in real life. For one, the characters' trauma only pops up when it's convenient for the plot. Like whenever Persephone starts experiencing ptsd, it happens when she's with Hades so we can get a scene with Hades cuddling her. After that, it shows up in a scene to make her look badass by confronting Apollo. No, just no. The Howling did it better too, by making the protagonist's trauma such an inconvenience in her life! I never felt that way in LO. When you uss traumatic encounters to make your character look like a badass, kindly fuck off.

#lore olympus

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thejeksburyguy · 4 years

Text

Warning: discussion of mental health and dark topics

I know I joke about my mental health and sleep deprivation on here. Alot. I reblog a lot of nihilistic humour and put 'lol same' or 'm e' in the tags. But in all honesty, my mental and physical health as of late is... not.. the best...

I haven't slept a full eight hours in weeks. I haven't slept for more than four hours in a few days now, and it just keeps getting worse. Recently I went four days in a row without sleeping at all, and I'm fairly certain I started hallucinating a bit before my body just hit the emergency brakes, and even then I only slept for two hours, maybe three. I might be starting to hallucinate again, actually, but I'm choosing to ignore that.

My depression has made a violent comeback, and my appetite is starting to go as well. If it weren't for someone very close to me (who I'm just going to refer to as Hyde from now on), I probably wouldn't be eating, but he pushes me to take care of myself and won't take 'I'm not hungry' for an answer. I haven't weighed myself (I'm actively avoiding looking or even touching a scale, I do NOT need to trigger my ED into waking up, I have enough on my plate (haha w o o p s) as it is), but I've probably started losing weight again.

Thoughts of self-harm and suicide are returning. It's getting harder everyday to ignore them. I have so much work to do, from school, from my parents, I haven't even had holiday breaks off because one of my teachers keeps assigning work over the holidays. Everyday more work gets added to the pile, and I'm struggling to keep up, but reaching out for help is pointless; half of my teachers treat me like I'm a burden on their life, and the other half I don't want to bother because my own mental illnesses prevent me from seeking help.

It's one of those 'it feels easier to just swim down' situations. I just want to hit the bottom and breathe out and drown. It really doesn't help that my mother completely ignored the doctor's orders and warnings and has not only made me aware of where my pills are, but has given me full access to them and trusts me to take them myself. It's tempting to overdose. It really is. And I'm scared, because I don't know how much longer I can hold out before my brain wins. Hyde helps alot, but he can only do so much.

I guess I'm writing this to clear my mind? Or maybe it's because, if I do go through with it one day, I don't want you all to wonder where I am. I don't intend this as a suicide note, not at all, and for now I'm not giving in, but it's hard. I'm honestly not sure if I'll survive finals week, heh heh. I know I've had public mental breakdowns in the past on here, but I haven't been 100% honest about how bad it is.

I have had 3 suicide attempts, only one of which my parents know about, and even then believe it was just me 'thinking about it'.

I have thoughts of killing myself and self-harming everyday, without fail.

I have high-functioning depression. Most of the people I interact with either have no idea I'm depressed, or don't know just how bad it is.

I have a lot of undiagnosed problems, things I believe are serious and need to be addressed, but as a teenager I can't do that myself.

It's 3:17 am right now. I should really go to sleep. I can't. My body won't let me, and the few times I do I have horrific night terrors. I'm afraid I'm going crazy. I know I make alot of connections between myself and TGS Jekyll, but I'm not trying to be memey or clever when I say I am genuinely terrified of being locked up in an insane asylum. My mother has already threatened to send me to one, not because of my mental health, but as a punishment or to 'scare me straight' due to a fight we had. I feel like I can't be honest with any of the adults in my personal life or I'll be strapped in a straitjacket and thrown into a padded cell. I'm probably wrong, but this is genuinely what I think of when I think 'insane asylum':

I know I probably should be in one. I'm a danger to myself, and most likely to others as well. I have a lot of tendencies and urges I suppress (alongside with my queerness; I'm openly queer on here and with friends at school, but most of it is either forced flamboyance or, when around other people, suppressing it and pretending to be cishet), most of which I know for a fact are a one way ticket to the loving embrace of medical torture. But I can't get into detail about it or ask for help or I'll be seen as attention seeking, faking it, or trying to be Edgy.

My therapist is incredibly sweet, but I'm not honest with her. I keep a lot from her. I feel like I'm burdening her, or she'll judge me. She won't, she's made it clear she cares about me, truly, but my brain won't let me progress and get the help I need. This meme I made pretty much sums up my life in one image:

I don't know why I'm even making this post anymore. I feel so manipulative, like I'm begging for pity and attention. I don't want that; I'd almost prefer getting anons telling me to shut up and kill myself, heh heh! At least then I wouldn't feel like I'm emotionally damaging people who care about me.

I sincerely hate myself for making this post now, actually. I want to delete it all, but I've spent so much time on it, it'd be wasted if I didn't post it. I can't afford to waste time, my brain might actually short circuit if it realizes I wasted time I could have been using to work. What is relaxing or free time, heh heh heh.

...I think I'm going to go cry to Hyde now.

#depression #depression tw #suicide mention #suicidal ideation #suicide attempt mention #self-harm mention #eating disorder tw #eating disorder mention #failing mental health #insomnia #sleep deprivation #insane asylum #insane asylum tw

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everydaymamaof3 · 5 years

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Am I Doing This Right?

It's been a little while since I blogged. I just didn't have the time, working on finishing my certification, kids, work, life. I felt a bit like I had a mental block or fog too. There was definitely a shift happening in my world. Couldn't really put a finger on it...but the fog started making sense recently. I am a mama to three girls. A young adult, a tween and a young child. My world is filled with their ups and downs, their transitions, their challenges...and right now, during these ages, it's a lot of transitions and growth. My oldest is about to graduate University, thinking about where they'll live, where she'll get hired as an RN. Where, benefits both of them, her and her fiance. So in the back of my mind, I'm thinking of places, I'm thinking of the move, how far away, the changes coming, picturing places they'll rent or maybe buy, imagining their future. A backyard maybe? All good positive, next steps of life thoughts....will we see them at Christmas? What kind of shifts will she have? All while also thinking of their wedding. Budgeting. Planning. Catering. Maybe that’s just my over excited thoughts? I am excited! My daughter is getting married and starting a career as a nurse. It makes the moments I felt like a complete failure as a mother, feel like an eternity ago, and so meaningless now.

So that's just one kiddo who's life is on my mind. My tween, well, she's only ten, but I'm starting to see a glimmer of a tweenager. I've really been paying close attention to her mood swings. Her frustrations, her attitude shifts. For awhile, I was so stressed about it, she was just easily irritated, easily frustrated, more emotional than normal, and the mother, Sherlock Holmes in me, was struggling to figure out what was going on. Well, I figured it out. It was her tablet. Now know this, I am not a person who judges, I don't care how much time other people's children spend on tablets, or what you use them for, these opinions are strictly my own, and behaviour I personally noticed in my own child.

She was on it for maybe an hour or so a day...sometimes not at all...I thought, meh, she's just watching craft videos, funny videos, but then we started noticing the attitude, the withdraw. I would notice her go from completely entranced by the screen, to pissed off at the world when she was told to put it away. Ok. I see what's happening here. So, we had a family meeting, and we eliminated tablets Monday to Friday. They're allowed to have them on Friday evenings, Saturdays on our hour long sport commute, and Sundays for an hour in the morning. I started looking at what they were watching. Kids doing stupid things. Kids lip syncing. 5 minute crafts was featuring how to turn your t shirt into a belly shirt. Or how to plump up your lips by sticking them in a plastic container??! Why are my children so interested in this. So I felt a bit like I wasn't doing my job as a parent, allowing them to watch these things. The headline 5 minute crafts. It just HAS to sneak in that useless garbage for our kids. Frustrating. I also took a look at myself. How much screen time I have. How I hear my kids say, "mom, you didn't hear me because you were on your phone", you’re right, and point taken.

We made changes. We’re back to seeing our kids actually make the crafts they watched now that the tablets are put away during the week. We’re usually on an adventure on the weekends so if there’s down time, they go on. They're back to being active and busy, and creative and the attitude has improved immensely. There's still days I'm pulling my hair out because I get "the tone" that puts us moms over the edge. Or stomping. Or fighting...I think for the most part, for having a four year age gap, they get along incredibly well. I remind myself, my middle daughter is entering some scary territory with hormones and puberty and boys, and mean girls, and body image....I remind myself that I have a really big job ahead, and it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be emotionally, physically, and mentally challenging. I've raised one teenage girl. Two more to go. We got this. And in the meantime we’ll continue to embrace the innocence ❤️

My girls are growing up in a different society. Even one that is different from when my oldest was a teen. And that wasn’t that long ago...5 years. One I'm still learning how to navigate. What is right. What is wrong. What age is right for this or that? It seems so much harder than simpler times when we were growing up. Although I'm sure mama's of the past would disagree. It was probably just as hard, just a different world. Different challenges. Different ways to deal, but parenting is universal. Teach, help, protect, guide, comfort, observe, learn, none of that has changed..

My littlest is learning to be more independent. She's letting go of me bit by bit, but still just as cautious as always. She still wants to be picked up for hugs, which thankfully, I can still pick up 44 pounds..mind you, being the last baby, I'll probably still pick her up at 74 pounds. She is very much my shadow, and places another challenge on me, making sure I'm giving the same amount of time and attention to my ten year old. AND my twenty two year old. I'm just hanging on tight as long as I can. They’re growing up so fast, and wanting less and less of me. I know. This is good. This means you're doing your job as a good mom and raising independent kids. Still doesn't take away the desire to spend every minute with them before they say "bye mom" *gulp*

The greatest joy for me is watching them through these stages and phases. Even though it's hard sometimes, it's draining, it's also rewarding, and makes me so proud. But it can be terrifying. Hoping I'm doing what's best for them. Always. Everyday. But then feeling guilty when I want space from them. Doesn't that suck! You’re at the point of exhaustion, ready to tear everyone's head off in the house, give yourself a break, and feel bad about it.

I shake my head.

No matter what though, self care is crucial.

So on top of my mind being fully occupied by my children's lives, I also need room in there for my work, for my marriage, for my friendships, most importantly for my health and well being.

To be a fly in the brain of a modern day woman. It would be incredibly fascinating! Like a room full of computers, buzzing madly, spitting out information every second of every day....and then re inputting it back into the computer to re analyze it, go over it, and spit it back out!

I have to remember to try and quiet my mind though. Stay on top of my mental health with breaks. Me time. Quiet. Running. Yoga. Coffee Dates. Massages. Facials. Reading. Uninterrupted conversations with my husband. Date nights. It's part of being a good mom, wife, friend, teacher, running on a full cup, not an empty cup. Sometimes we need a reminder though. "Hey, you know that life cup...it's about to spill" Don't you wish there was a little alarm in our brains that beeped when it was time to reboot. Instead, our reminders come in a form of illness, breakdowns, or our inner Cruella Deville's emerge.

I'm doing my best to stay on top of life’s balance. Sometimes I fail miserably. Sometimes I'm the healthiest, happiest human being, living my best life! I love my life. And I love being a writer, so I can feel like a normal mom, a normal woman, in a hurry up, noisy, busy world ❤️

#parenting #motherhood #balance

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