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isabelladesoto · 1 year

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THE ENCHANTER - Isabella Sofia De Soto

pinterest. playlist. musings.(TBD)

CHARACTER INSPO: Yennefer (The Witcher.) Cassandra (Promising Young Woman.) Alina Starkov (The Grisha series), Nancy Wheeler (Stranger things.) & Fallon Carrington (Dynasty.)

TRIGGER WARNINGS: bad parenting, bribery, blackmail, missing persons, mental health issues unspecified, injury

FULL NAME: Isabella Sofia De Soto

NICKNAMES: Isa, Bella, Belle

AGE: 35

BIRTHDATE: November 7th, 1987, at 4 a.m

ZODIAC: Scorpio sun, Pieces moon, Libra rising

HOMETOWN: Half Moon Bay, California

CURRENT RESIDENCE: Half Moon Bay, California

NEIGHBORHOOD: Montara

OCCUPATION: Theatre actress/heiress

MBTI: ISFP - T

ENNEAGRAM: 8w7- the non-conformist

ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Neutral

TEMPERAMENT: Sanguine

+ visionary, determined, passionate, intuitive, enchanting, ambitious, dreamy

- sensitive, secretive, rebellious, moody, restless, impulsive/unpredictable, stubborn, skeptical

ABOUT

Born to the influential De Soto family, Isabella was always in the public eye and was no stranger to expectations. However, from an early age, it was clear she was not the child to be molded in the family's image.

She was to be a prima-ballerina, which her parents picked for her- but for Isabella, the goal turned into a hobby she eventually only touched in brief moments.

Isabella often had to be reminded of her "place," the role she was meant to play, and how her actions negatively impacted the family. She was doing her best, constantly watering herself down to be the daughter her parents wanted, but it was never enough. She was never her twin sister or her older brother - the golden De Soto's while she lost herself to their shadows.

Isabella was a secret keeper, her brothers, her twins - even her mothers. The skeletons overflowed from her closet, more than half not her own- but Isabella clung to them, for it was the only way she knew how to keep the people she loved safe.

She kept herself safe by retreating into her made-up worlds, and as she got older, the retreat turned into sneaking out to find the pieces of herself lost out to the world somewhere.

She got better at playing her part, if only because she had carved out a niche for herself in the rest of the world. By the time she was eighteen, she knew the life she wanted was nothing like the one planned for her.

Instead, she put away college plans and took up countless hobbies and interests she could profit from. In between it all, she fell in love. For the first time, Isabella had a name for it- knew it and clung to it- she felt seen, and between her and Clay, they curated a group of like-minded people to call found family. They chased away loneliness and injustices with little stunts that made them feel alive.

Sadly, life and consequences caught up to them. After a night of recklessness, Clay and Isabella are arrested, thus beginning the start of the end.

Isabella didn't know it then or expect how this night would change her entire life or break her heart. However, after things quietly went much better than she had thought, she suspected the De Soto's threw around some weight. She did not expect Clay to fall collateral damage to that and, to this day, has no idea that her parents threatened him with real consequences if he didn't stay away.

Isabella struggled but, through community service, found a love for theatre. Once she was done with it and found it more challenging than she could face staying in the small town, she left for the east coast, where she threw herself into the hopes of making it on Broadway.

She made it- her career blossomed, and so did the problems. She didn't think she'd find parts of her in a place she had never really been, but it was a slow rebuild of her heart. Her passion really takes shape on stage.

It was a dream come true, and after spending years keeping a man at arm's length, Isabella let him in, agreed to marry him, and was on the way to a June wedding.

However, the wheel of fate always spins back, and a series of unfortunate events began to pile up. The first was a brutal incident of obsession when a fan broke into her dressing room, resulting in a struggle that left her with a scar on her knee and PTSD that disrupted her career.

A few weeks later, her twin sister was suspected of missing. Weeks turned to months, she still could not face a stage, and her sister had still not returned. Unable to face her demons in the city, Isabella left a letter to her should-be husband and returned home to Half Moon Bay to throw herself into the search for her sister. Half in desperation and half in need of resolution.

QUICK FACTS

She bakes when she is stressed. There is plenty of muffins and cakes in her house right now.

Isabella has a small crescent-shaped scar on her palm that mirrors one her twin had when they promised to never abandon one another.

While she has not attended a formal college, she collects books on topics she is interested in, such as languages and history.

Isabella loves to sing and often sings to herself throughout the day.

Growing up, Isabella felt very alone and collected a group of like-minded people who lived a secret life where they went on adventure thrill-seeking trips. This turned into minor vigilante shenanigans. They would use their collective skill set to unearth some unsavory people's secrets and other "robin hood" esque stunts.

FAMILY

Mataeo De Soto -father: He is a proud and driven man who has taught Naomi her self-worth. Xavier has never allowed her a second of doubt where her worth where he is concerned. This can sometimes translate into believing he knows best and attempting to control her life passively.

Sofia De Soto - mother: Close despite frequent arguments. Naomi feels unseen by her parents. Especially her mother. They swing from high and low, and when she is particularly down, she often seeks out the comfort of her mother.

Serena De Soto- Twin sister, they were very close growing up, but their lives split in recent years, and there were some issues between them. Since she's gone missing, Naomi has returned home to be with her family. She has begun snooping around the secretive life of her sister.

Alejandro De Soto: Oldest of three and often most responsible of the De Soto siblings. He thinks Naomi is frivolous and vain; she believes he is dull and lacks a sense of adventure. He has struggled with addiction since they were young (Naomi has frequently covered and tried to get him to seek help). Despite this, she still has his back.

TIMELINE

Jan 1987 - Birth

August 1992 - Begins school.

1989 - now - dancing

2005 - graduated high school

June 2005 - Meets Clay

July 2005 - October 2011 - Clay

October 2011 - arrested.

January 2012 - Begins community service at 25 years old.

October 2012 - Finishes her community service but continues for a few months at the local theatre.

February 2013 - Moves to NYC to try her hand on Broadway

2013 - December 2022 - In NYC on Broadway

Fall 2017 - Meets Jesse but keeps it casual for a long time until she realizes she has feelings for him.

2019 - Finally gives Jesse a chance, and it's not long before they're engaged to be married, living a picturesque life she could have never imagined

May 2022 - Dressing room break-in

June 2022 - Sisters' disappearance

December 2022 - Returns permanently to HMB

#hmbintro #bad parenting tw #bad mental health tw #missing persons tw #black mail tw #injury tw

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icaruspendragon · 2 months

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something the women in my family are absolutely flabbergasted by every time it comes up is the fact that i don’t own a scale.

“how do you know how much you weigh??” they cry.

“i don’t.” i simply respond.

“you look thinner, have you lost weight?” they ask at christmas.

“i dunno.” i say as i check on the turkey.

“you look bigger, have you gained weight?” they probe, as if my weight rests on their shoulders.

“i’m not sure, but it’s fine if i have.” i respond with a casualness they cannot comprehend.

“don’t you want to know if you’ve lost or gained?” they inquire over cups of coffee and a plate of untouched cookies.

“i do.” i take a sip. “which is why i don’t need to know.”

“we don’t understand.” they say.

“i’ll drive myself mad if i know. it’s been a question i’ve been looking for the answer to since i was in the seventh grade and my weight was the topic of conversation for the first time; the stretch marks on my calves puberty brought being questioned and condemned. and so i started weighing myself once a day. then twice a day. i gained weight as i grew and was told to stop. i got depressed when i was 16 and the weight i gained was more concerning than the scars on my thighs. the critiques turned to compliments during my first year of college when i’d started skipping meals and my body had to feed itself because i wouldn’t. everyday i stepped on the scale and smiled as i watched that number get smaller and smaller. hunger felt like victory. i started doing drugs that took away my appetite and then my strength. and started feeling guilt when my stomach felt full. and suddenly every time i looked in the mirror i hated what i saw. the more weight i lost, the better i was supposed to feel. each remark on another part of my body lost felt like a slap to the face. i was told i looked good but i knew i wasn’t good enough. and so i tried harder. and then i started to get dizzy when i stood. and i ignored it like i’d learned to ignore my hunger. and then one day at work i dropped like the weight that was never enough after i bending at the waist to grab a milk cap from the floor. and when the darkness faded, i was surrounded by panic as an ambulance was called. and then i was tested and prodded and poked because they thought something was wrong with my heart. and the problem persisted but they never found out why. but i’d known all along. and then i left home and its scale behind. and moved into a new home that was mine. so i bought plates and sheets and art for the walls. but i didn’t buy a scale. then every time i walked down an aisle i’d see the them and pause. and i’d think about the hunger i now kept at bay. and even though i didn’t know how much i weighed, i didn’t notice my body had changed. and i’d think about how i hadn’t been dizzy for months. and how i hadn’t fainted for longer. and then i’d keep on walking. and now most days i like how i look.”

“but don’t you want to be skinny?” comes their quiet response.

“i want to be myself in whatever body i have.”

they stare in disbelief. so i shrug my shoulders, and grab a cookie. and i smile at them as i swallow the first bite.

#trigger warning ed #tw disordered eating #body neutrality i love you !!#the women in my family cannot comprehend that i don’t diet anymore #and that i just eat what i want #and that im okay with the unknown #bc my body tried its hardest to be kind to me #even when i tried my hardest to be unkind to it #and now it’s time to pay it back #throw out your scales!! they’re bad for your mental health!!

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vyeoh · 8 months

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I'm being 100% serious one of the worst things stan culture has done is making suicide jokes commonplace again

#like we had a brief period of time where people were getting over the edgy kys jokes and then twitter and tik tok brought them fully swing #i despise it so much its bad for your own mental health and its bad for others #vio.txt #vio.rant #tw suicide #call me easily triggered but it legit makes me so uncomfortable on a good day and makes me spiral on a bad one #and like u can't ask people to stop without it being weird

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cherylmustdie · 5 months

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-i drink so i dont cvt myself (another fucking coping mechanism)

-i cvt myself because i get drunk and have no ability to control myself

it doesn't make any sense

#tw s3lf harm #$elf harm #$elf h4rm #$h tumblr #mental health #s3lfharmm #mentally fucked #s3lf mutilation #mental health relapse #tw sh related #i wanna relapse so bad #tw selfhate #self h@te #self h@rm #mental illness #$hblr #tw self destructive behavior #tw self destruction #unhealthy coping mechanisms

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so-long-soldier-writes · 5 months

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One of Those Days

poly!mikaelsons x reader | request

summary: between the constant fighting and city clamor, you're overstimulated from the minute you wake up. you try to isolate until you feel better, but sometimes, that only makes things worse. luckily, your loving vampire partners are always there for you.

tags: sensory issues, mental health, overstimulation, arguing, mild emotional hurt / comfort

word count: ~2.6k

a/n: requested by @asexualaromosafezone - i am SO SORRY this took me literal months to complete. a couple days ago, i suddenly remembered i never filled it and finished it asap. i hope you like it, and again, so many apologies!

Sometimes, you wake up, and can immediately tell it’ll be a hard day. The sun has barely risen, yet there’s already a million noises coming through your window. Chatters of people having their morning walks, car horns from those too impatient to let them cross, the distant clang of a dropped pot, and-

“REBEKAHHH!”

-Klaus, yelling for his sister. At seven in the morning.

“What the bloody hell are you shouting for?! I’m right here!”

You sigh, glad that mystery solved quickly.

There’s probably a few more minutes until your alarm rings, so instead of getting up a little earlier, you opt to enjoy your last minutes of peace. Though you soon realize that’s impossible, given your circumstances. On top of the city sounds, there’s a bird right outside your window, and when you try to turn away from it, the tag on your blanket itches the inside of your thigh.

“Ugh!” You toss the blanket off.

Your alarm sounds not a second later.

With a slap to your phone and then another to your forehead, you decide to just get ready for the day. Luckily, not much is planned. Marcel still has control over the city, and with you being human, your Mikaelson hosts don’t want you outside at all.

See, you live with the family of original vampires. You used to be a Mystic Falls’ resident, but then after developing a close connection with the siblings, decided to move to New Orleans with them and get a fresh start. You were tired of the small town life, and while the big city can be overwhelming at times, you’ll never get sick of the culture it has to offer. Besides, living with the most powerful family makes you happier than you ever believed you could be.

As much as you love them, though, they can be a pain. Like when Klaus can’t find his sister, but forgets a whisper would summon her just as effectively. Instead, he has to wake up the whole quarter, and inconvenience you with a headache. When you reach the dining room that day, you slump your head on the table.

“Everything alright, darling?” Kol’s voice floats over your head, making you aware of his presence.

“Tired.”

“Is your bed comfortable enough? Do you need more blankets?”

You haven’t been in the city long, and his consideration warms your heart.

“Oh, I’m okay. I’m very comfy. Just haven’t gotten used to the city yet.”

“Ah, I understand.”

His attention drifts to his sister. You busy yourself with a plate of food and ignore how tired you feel. When Elijah sits beside you, you offer a smile, but don’t say anything. The man, polite as ever, does the same. Though while two of the siblings are quiet, the other two aren’t. Klaus and Rebekah are still on the same topic from earlier. They bounce off each other quickly, childish banter turning into an argument.

You try to eat in peace and ignore them, but it’s difficult. And it doesn’t help that you’ve been feeling down lately, anyway. It’s rather unexplainable, the way you feel. Some days you’d rather stay in bed all day than face the world. Your whole body could be begging for you to get up and get things done, but you just can’t. No matter how hard you fight your own mind, sometimes there’s no winning the raging war.

To make matters worse, you’re always hypersensitive when you find yourself in these low moods. Every little thing is overstimulating and there’s no pause button. This morning, you didn’t even get a chance to wake up before the sounds started. (Thanks, Klaus.) You roll your eyes in your head, annoyed.

“Hey.” A poke to your shoulder startles you, making you jump. “You okay?”

“Ooh, you caught me off guard.”

“Sorry,” Kol smiles, “you in deep thought, or rolling your eyes at Klaus’ statement?”

“Uh…” You bite your lip. You were rolling your eyes about Klaus, but missed whatever statement it was that he just made. “What did he say?”

“That he was on his way to have a little chat with Marcel. That will go swimmingly.”

“Oh.” You snort and decide to joke. “Both.”

Kol grins at you, but then, thankfully, leaves you alone again.

After breakfast, you retreat back into your room, not in the mood to face the day. If Klaus is really going to start shit with Marcel, it’ll be an intense day. You’ve never met the current king of the French Quarter, but Elijah’s told stories. Marcel and the family used to be close, but then, like all their other relationships, ties ended drastically.

“But not with you, of course,” he had promised. “You’re our girl.”

You were skeptical for a moment. Who wouldn’t be, knowing the Mikaelsons? But then Klaus approached you from behind with a kiss to your hair and confirmed his brother’s words,

“As long as we have your loyalty, you’ll always have ours.”

You could see the truth in his statement. Everyone who ended up on their bad side had betrayed them in some way. So, as long as you didn’t repeat others’ mistakes; as long as you kept your trust in the family, you would be considered family. And ever since the day you first grew close, you have been their family.

You’re close with all of the siblings. Elijah, first, when you couldn’t take your eyes off him at Damon’s dinner party. Then Rebekah, and then Kol, when he undaggered. Even Finn, before his untimely death - thanks to Matt, your good friend now worst enemy. Klaus took the longest to trust you, and you can’t blame him for having trust issues, but once he realized how much his siblings adored you, he was quick to accept your place with them.

Now, the five of you live together, nine hundred miles from your hometown. It’s certainly a change, but every day with them is an adventure.

Like today, you suddenly think, overhearing Elijah’s footsteps in the hallway. Today has definitely been one of those days.

“Y/N?” He stops outside your door.

“Mhm?”

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

Elijah opens the door, but doesn’t fully enter your room. He looks you up and down before smiling. “I just thought you seemed sad earlier and wanted to check on you. Is everything okay?”

“Oh!” You put on a brave face to mask the tiredness you feel internally. “Yeah, I’m just out of sorts today. It’s nothing.”

“Are you sure? Because if someone’s bothering you, that’s something we can take care of.”

“No, no, I promise. It’s all just me. Just having a day.”

“You’re positive?” He asks for confirmation again.

“Have I ever lied to you, ‘Lijah?”

He looks down at his shoes, embarrassed. “No, you haven’t. I apologize for doubting you.”

“It’s okay,” you step closer to him, resting against the door frame. “No need to apologize. But I swear, I just… woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something. New Orleans is a loud city. I’m still adjusting.”

“Okay. Well, call if you need anything. Even the smallest thing.”

“I will.”

“Oh, and be careful in the off-chance that Marcel storms in here. There’s a fight brewing in the quarter.”

“I’ll keep an eye out.”

“Better yet, stay inside for the day. So you’re not in harm’s way at all.”

“Okay, ‘Lijah.”

He smiles at you, then kisses your hand. “Now, I need to neutralize my brother. But I needed to make sure our girl was okay first.”

“She’s okay. Go deal with him.”

Elijah straightens his collar before speeding off to no doubt defend his brother in a fight. You love Klaus, but man, does he get angry. And then from anger, comes pure rage, then absolute chaos. Once situations escalate that far, the whole block better hide if they want to keep their hearts in their chest.

You sigh, thinking of the carnage that may come. You’re not sure you can deal with his anger issues today, especially not coupled with those of Marcel. Of all the days they have to fight, it’s the one that you might snap, too, if he raises his voice one more time.

Suddenly, your bed looks like the perfect oasis away from the mess behind your door. A good pillow over the ears might prevent an impending meltdown. You crawl into it at once and let your body melt into the mattress.

You hadn’t lied to Elijah, though you hadn’t given him the full truth, either. Yes, you are, in general, okay. Not necessarily today, but at that moment, you were. Also yes, you’re not feeling great today, partly because of all the city noise. And, finally, yes, most of it is just you and your body not in the mood to be awake. Though Klaus is contributing, just a little bit, to your mental distress today. Elijah would understand, of course, but then he’d have a talk with his brother about it, and you really didn’t want to burden either of them in that way, so you put on a smile and didn’t mention it. You’d bet Elijah knows the full truth, and knows why you won’t admit it, but he respects you if you don’t want to talk about it. That’s one of the reasons you love him so much.

You get a couple hours of rest until your slumber is interrupted by a new knock on your door. It’s not soft, like Elijah’s, so it must be one of the younger two.

“Oh no,” you mutter, wondering what it must be now.

“Y/N?” Rebekah’s voice comes from the other side. “Are you awake?”

“I am now.”

She opens the door as you reply. “Oh what the bloody hell are you still doing in bed?”

“Sleeping.”

“Obviously! Come watch a movie with Kol and I! We’d love your company.”

“An actual movie, or the public display of violence happening outside in the quarter?”

“We haven’t decided yet!” She grabs your hand. “Come on!”

You yawn. “I’m gonna pass today, I’m not up for it.”

“Awh, Y/N! It won’t be as fun without you!”

“I have a headache, Bex,” you fib.

“Do you want some blood for that?”

“Does that even work like that?”

She shrugs, “not sure.”

You cuddle into your pillow. “Another time, okay?”

The girl smiles, then leans forward to kiss your head. “Okay. If you change your mind, come find us.”

“I will. Thank you.”

“Dinner’s at seven. Will you be there?”

“Yeah,” you promise, “I should be better by then.”

You are not, in fact, better by then. If anything, your foul mood progressed into an actual headache within thirty minutes of Rebekah leaving. Shouts throughout the city managed to penetrate the thin glass of your windows, and you could hear almost everything as Klaus heckled the current king. For hours, it went on, until the sun went down and they assumedly put it off for another day. By seven o’clock, you were able to sneak in another nap, but you still felt way overstimulated from the day’s events.

Not to mention the fact that you spent all day in bed. Sometimes, you’re overstimulated by too much going on, but today you partly did it to yourself by hiding away all day. The guilt of avoiding everyone weighs on your chest. Rebekah had invited you to a movie; Elijah went out of his way to check up on you, and you had more or less dismissed them both. A bitter taste sits in your mouth when you think about it. Water doesn’t wash it out.

Hopefully dinner will.

For the first ten minutes, the night passes peacefully. Most of the conversation is focused between the meal and the movie the two had watched. The events of the day, seemingly, are left in the past.

But then, of course, Kol has to make a comment on something he overheard that he thought was funny. And that set Klaus off into a spewing of anger. He’s pissed at Marcel, but now, also, at Kol for bringing it up. Elijah puts his face in his hands, and Rebekah sends both a huge eye roll.

What was a moment of much-appreciated silence is now a yelling match. After five minutes, you reach your breaking point.

“Why do you feel the need to comment on that, Kol? It was so insignificant, but you’ve felt the need to bring it up, and now I’m reminded of how much Marcel has done to piss me off!”

“I didn’t mean to make you upset, bloody hell! I thought it was funny!”

“It wasn’t funny to me when he was spitting in my face! I-”

“Oh my god! Are you ever not arguing?!” You suddenly shout.

The table goes silent and all eyes are on you. A needle could be dropped and it would be heard across the quarter.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize quickly, embarrassed.

“Love,” Elijah puts a hand on your shoulder, “are you alright?”

At his touch, you flinch. He retracts his hand quickly, but doesn’t move his body away from its proximity to yours.

Klaus, although upset at the interruption, notices this and calms a little. “Everything okay, Y/N?”

“I’m fine. It’s nothing.”

“That little outburst didn’t sound like nothing.”

“I’m just stressed.”

“Darling, what’s got you all upset? Tell us and we’ll sort it out now.”

“It’s no one, Kol, I’m just not feeling well.”

“Still have a headache, sweetheart?” Rebekah asks.

“You have a headache?” Klaus butts in.

The assortment of questions makes you drop your head. It nearly hits the table, but Elijah grabs your frame before you can fall. Tears form in your eyes, visibly.

“I’m just really overstimulated today. I woke up weird and this city is loud, and then there was all the fighting all day long, and then I hid in my room all day, but then I felt bad about hiding, and now I’m making you all worried because I can’t get my shit under control!”

“And that’s your fault, how?” Elijah asks, “you cannot blame yourself for the way you feel.”

“But I need to handle my emotions better. I’m sorry.”

“No apologies necessary, love,” Klaus adds, “I certainly haven’t helped, fighting with children all day.”

“Niklaus,” Elijah warns, but Klaus doesn’t argue with him this time.

“I should’ve stayed with you when you said you had a headache.”

“Don’t blame yourself either, Bex. It’s not your fault.”

“But we could’ve cuddled,” she frowns.

“It’s okay. I got a nap, and it helped a little. I just need to get used to my life being different now. None of you are at fault.”

“Nor are you,” the eldest reminds, “it’s been quite a day for us all.”

Kol clears his throat, “say, after dinner, if you feel up to it, we could all watch a movie and cuddle around you? I think some comfort is much needed.”

“Sure,” you agree, “but I might fall asleep during it.”

“That’s quite alright,” he smiles. He then stands up to hug you, but when his arms wrap around your neck, you freeze.

“Not yet, please. I’m still a bit stressed.”

He gives you a wink. “Of course, darling. Let me know when you’re ready.”

Klaus flicks his napkin across the table. He’s folded it into the shape of a heart. “We love you. You know that, right?”

You take the heart, kiss it, and put it in your pocket. “I do. I love you all, too. Thanks for understanding.”

#poly!mikaelsons x reader #poly!mikaelsons #elijah mikaelson x reader #kol mikaelson x reader #rebekah mikealson x reader #klaus mikaelson x reader #tw mental health #i feel so bad for taking so long on this

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uncanny-tranny · 8 months

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The frustrating part about conversations like "should people with self-harm scars warn others before showing off their body?" and conversations like it is how nobody would tell me that my scars are obscene or should be hidden despite, literally, being self-harm scars. They just do not know because people literally do not know what self-harm scars are and what self-harm is.

Our bodies are not vulgar or gross. We deserve to live our lives, and if our scars make you uncomfortable, we can be compassionate about that, but that doesn't mean that our bodies are Bad and should be Locked Away. Treat us like we belong, because we do.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #self harm #self harm tw #sh tw #it's just funny seeing what people think self-harm is #because they wouldn't think twice about my scars but they would rain hellfire on somebody who has scars that LOOK like they're...#...the result of self-harm (even if they are not from it!)#people just run with the assumptions they have based off of like... pop media and sad songs and never from us #/especially/ if you are somebody who never self-harmed in the most 'conventional' or 'understood' way...#...i found that as somebody who fits that category nobody knows how to treat me...#...which tied into a different post i made about 'unconventional' self-harming bahaviour #and the idea that we should be hidden away like a broken doll just helps contribute to us not getting help or being able to recover...#...like part of the reason i have self-harmed is because i was told how my trans body was obscene in cis society...#...it was more complex than that but being told you are Fundamentally Broken and Bad is genuinely evil

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srasdoesthings · 6 months

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WBH OC rawr

Info under cut!! (Tw: mentioned past history with substances and unhealthy mental states)

Azalea (Az or Lea)

Early 20s (older than Minhyeok tho)

Trans (mtf)

Her family came from the States. They travelled a lot before settling in Korea and having her. They were supposed to travel again since she was older but then they died

Used to be a BS Psyche student but dropped out of college due to mental health (at therapists and friends behest. She's healing though and was on her way to apply to go back to college when min story started)

Got involved with a lot of bad behavior during her first 2 years of college and that's why her mental health worsened. Recovering alcoholic and smoker. Has been clean for a long time before the start of the main story

Absolutely horny. It messes with her brain a lot. Like Solomon, she has every link but she has favorites. She also owns way too many toys

While she has been on good behavior, she hasn't fully developed a sense of self and still has an unsteady sense of self with bad mental health. Because of this, she is unable to establish an identity other than "child of solomon" and "whore" because she thinks what the demons want of her and she will bend over backwards for people the moment they show interest on her (people pleaser rizz/j). Constantly feels lost and confused because she thinks she's lost control of her life and can't fix it

When not playing a role, she's actually very soft spoken, observant, bright, and caring. She loves to be spoiled but gets embarrassed is someone tries to do nice things for her.

Changes personalities depending on who she's with. The only times the demons (and minhyeok) learn about the "real her" is when they indulge her (she would get flustered and would overshare) or when she isn't taking something seriously (cause she won't overthink her actions)

Literally can't help fight the angels lmao but she does her best to be the moodmaker and nurse for the demons

Has a massive crush on Minhyeok and likes to pretend they're in a relationship but can't legitimately see them as a couple because she sees herself as too ruined for him. Tries to do her best for him

Random thing: Satan notices how she changes how she acts to be liked and heavily warns others to not mention Solomon or how Solomon acts too much around her cause he knows she will work herself to try and become Solomon. He doesn't want her to hurt herself trying to please them

That's all I've worked out for now rawr

#sras makes things ☆#what in hell is bad #whb #whb oc #tw mental health #sras's silly guys ☆#Azalae (whb)

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idolomantises · 1 year

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I think I’m gonna discuss this once and hopefully never have to bring it up again. Originally I wanted to talk about it on Twitter but people are very disrespectful when it comes to mental health so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Basically, I haven’t been doing so great, mentally. Nothing bad has happened to me, I’m safe and surrounded by people I care about, and it’s been like that for months. I just, I haven’t been feeling good.

For people who do follow me on accounts like Twitter and Instagram, you may have noticed I haven’t posted anything new since January. I was struggling to feel motivated to make something for my main accounts despite having countless ideas I’d love to work on. I feel better now and do plan on getting something done in March, but that sudden lack of motivation is pretty rare for me. Art is not only my job but a big hobby for me, I just love drawing. I did get some nsfw art done at least.

I don’t know what really prompted my mental health decline, I’ve been getting a few worried messages and fanart because someone insulted my art. But that didn’t hurt me at all, it actually boosted my account and patreon.

I guess I just… got sad?

I have a really bad tendency to suppress and even ignore my trauma and feelings of guilt. And I guess one day I really sat with my thoughts and I just, lost it I guess. I have so much traumatic memories and sudden and intense feelings of self loathing, something I’ve never felt in almost a decade, that it got overwhelming. I couldn’t reassure myself, I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it because how do you confront things that happened years ago? You feel almost irrational. It’s just memories that haunt you, it’s nothing physical or tangible and yet it’s a crushing feeling of anxiety, self hatred and resentment.

I was crying almost every day, and crying so much that my eyes kept hurting long after I was done, and I could barely see my own screen. I’ve had paranoid thoughts about myself and others, thoughts I can’t get into because they’re so deeply irrational. I was feeling suicidal urges and thoughts of self harm. I don’t see myself doing it, but it’s so frequent and overwhelming it’s like I’m already planning my suicide note.

I was talking to my therapist about it, that I was starting to hate being alive. That I hated living. That I could spend the next 50 years of my life with no more conflict or trauma and I’d still be in intense misery and turmoil. They’re feelings I couldn’t really bring myself to tell friends about because what could they say? How do you calm yourself down and reassure yourself. I can’t even talk about my trauma verbally without crying. And it’s funny because sometimes minor irks started to affect me negatively. I was feeling anxious about what to draw because I didn’t want to do deal with homophobic backlash.

I went to a therapist, I talked to friends, Ive been working out more and eating better, I did everything I should do to improve my mental health and all of a sudden a single night just sitting in my room destroyed everything I was slowly building up over the past 5 years.

It’s been really difficult for me. I think also, I just felt so much guilt over not being the best person I could be. I decided to lessen my online usage, not just for my mental health but because I really wanted to work on being a better person. I want to stop hating myself and letting my trauma push me down and I want to do just be better and do better as a person. A lot of people have been very forgiving and kind to me but I don’t feel like it’s enough and I want to do more and I want to feel better about myself. I want to give everything I can to people around me. I’ve been going to therapy a lot more lately and things are getting better for me, but it’s been a very slow process.

I just want to repeat that nothing serious has happened to me. Nobody attacked me in a way that negatively affected my health. A lot of people, friends and strangers have been really nice to me these past few months. I just was doing a lot of self reflecting and unintentionally forced myself to confront a lot of my trauma. I’m saying trauma a lot. I don’t want to get into depth about what I endured because it’s my business but people who do know me know how bad things were for me. I don’t want to feel like that again. I want to feel better, and I want to do better.

Sorry for the long read. That’s just how I feel.

#txt #suicide tw #self harm tw #I was very hesitant to discuss this because whenever I talk about mental health it leans into #one side. who are super well meaning but feel obligated to make sure that I’m okay. like I’m their responsibility when I’m just a stranger #online and my thoughts and feelings should never make someone feel like they have to ‘protect’ me #and another side who sees me purposefully be vague about some of the things I discuss like trauma and regret #and just construct their own narrative and get mad at me for it #at this point I’m just too tired to care about the potential backlash of the latter #if you read all this and think I’m saying I did nothing wrong and everyone is bad except for me that’s your fantasy you get to live in #I just want to be honest about my thoughts and feelings

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