#as a human i recognise sometimes there's just. well you can't just turn it off right? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

madschiavelique · 5 months

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𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐛 — 𝟏

⟢﹒ pairing : matt murdock x vigilante!reader x frank castle

⟢﹒ summary : you’d met them, became their teammate, and the one night you got severely wounded, they took you to their place to patch you up.

⟢﹒ content warnings : i am not a doctor nor do i have any knowledge on how to take care of wounds like that properly so very inaccurate patching up session, mentions of blood, wounds, mentions of needle (to saw reader’s wound), afab!reader, stubborn reader, but stubborn frank, no use of y/n, not proofread

⟢﹒ word count : 7,2k

⟢﹒ note : this is the first part of a 2shot where the second part will be a smut with hunter/prey dynamic ! have a good read <;33

⟢ next part : here

The clouds were brown tonight, covering the inky blackness of the sky like a mass of cotton gathering up the streetlights of Hell's Kitchen. Everything seemed to be reflecting off a lake, the puddles of rain from earlier in the day having settled on every rooftop in the city in a myriad of mirrors.

It was quiet, abnormally quiet even. Hell's Kitchen wasn't exactly your typical idyllic holiday destination; on the contrary, it was the place to flee if you had the chance. Crime had its patch on every street corner, and not a single day or night went by without something happening.

But now, nothing. No problems. No calls for help. Just the calm of an evening.

Sitting on the edge of a roof, your legs dangling boredly in the air, you listened to your little radio set beside your thigh, hoping that one of the police stations would report a problem. But everything was peaceful.

It had already been a few months since you had taken on the attire of the night, taken on the role of vigilante in Hell's Kitchen, and every evening you found yourself chasing crime out of town like a broom sweeping dust out of the way.

It wasn't necessarily an easy rhythm. After an already long day at work, you usually tried to get some sleep before starting your patrol. You'd realised that although there was no particular time for crime, most of them started after midnight.

But it was already one o'clock in the morning and there was nothing to report. You wondered whether perhaps you were doing your job as a vigilante too well. If you did, this kind of evening was set to happen, because if you did eradicate every crime all at once, there wouldn't be any left for later. The bitter reassurance that, unfortunately, crime, born since the dawn of time, would only die with men, gripped your heart.

The pace of it all was sometimes exhausting, but the advantage of all this was that you weren't really working alone any more. At first, the idea of joining forces with anyone to bring justice to the world of night seemed complicated, for several reasons.

Firstly, coordination: having team-mates implied having a certain connection so that even without words being spoken, everything ran smoothly.

And secondly, attachment. An environment like this where every night can be your last if you don't keep a minimum of vigilance can prove destructive. It would be too painful to lose an ally, and even more so if it was your turn to leave and they found themselves grieving.

But colleagues - no, partners? Friends? Whatever, the allies you found on certain nights were probably the most resilient human beings you'd ever met, to the point where the very thought of them dying was impossible. After all, when you're working with two people who have both withstood a bullet to the head and who are sure of themselves, you can't help but feel safe - or very small and miserable in their presence.

You had met them on patrol when the sounds of banging and groans of pain could be heard in an alleyway. Immediately, you had split the sphere of your personally modified Bolas and had helped in the fight after observing the side you had to take. Recognising criminals had become like a sixth sense, but above all you had recognised Daredevil's outfit in the semi-darkness and the silhouette that appeared to be that of Frank Castle.

You were familiar with the work of both of them, had seen enough of their appearances in the newspapers and heard their actions on the radio enough to know that the two men fighting the dozen or so others below were none other than these two.

You had helped them, immobilising a man here, strangling a man of the thread of your bolas there, while the two acolytes were both taking part in the fight. It was only at the end of the latter that the barrage of questions began.

"Who are you?" was of course the first question Matt asked.

"Who do you work for?" was the first question Frank raised, naturally.

It didn't take too long for you to explain that crime was swarming around the city like cockroaches in a dirty carpet and that you wanted to clean up just like them.

Frank was suspicious, Matt was calm, and you were sweating buckets, dreading their every reaction. They weren't exactly idols to you, but you had great respect for them.

It was when Matt agreed that you were sincere and that there was nothing to fear about you that Frank relaxed a bit, without letting go of his grouchy and suspicious attitude. You'd assumed at first that Frank wouldn't appreciate such a radical change of routine that included bringing a new member into the evening vigilante group, but Matt had assured him that having one more person would allow them to be more effective.

And soon, you'd be meeting up from time to time in the evening if you were lucky enough to bump into each other.

First, you didn't reveal your identity immediately. There was a kind of silent agreement between the three of you on the subject. Of course, Frank's identity was no longer a mystery, but Matt's remained particularly anonymous for a long time.

Once enough trust had been established for Frank not to grumble at you at every given occasion, you were officially introduced.

You learned that Matthew Murdock was a blind lawyer with very heightened senses, and that Frank Castle lived with him, taking on a series of remote jobs under a different identity since his name was not really known in a very positive way.

You didn't see each other outside of work, often too busy with your own lives to find time to see each other, even if you didn't discuss your free time... at first anyway.

You had exchanged phone numbers, in case an emergency arose and you suddenly needed help. Your exchanges were very cordial, sending addresses or locations when help was needed or to investigate something suspicious.

The first much less professional encounter was on a more turbulent night than the others, when you were cut badly on the leg, flank and arm, with an additional cut to your lip from a punch.

According to Matt, your costume was similar to the one he wore when he first started as Daredevil. Dark clothes, something to hide your face and combat boots, needless to say that with just these to cover you up, you were extremely vulnerable.

When the fighting stopped, you didn't even have time to wince in pain that Matt was already beside you with a glove off and removing his helmet as Frank observed the situation.

"How bad is it?" Frank had asked, tilting his head to the side as the fabric covering your body darkened with blood.

"As bad as it looks to you and feels to me," Matt sighed as his fingertips brushed the skin of your side.

"It's all right," you assured them, moving slightly away from Matt and his touch, "really, it's fine."

"Are you sure? You look like you can barely walk properly." Matt had asked, obviously knowing that no, everything wasn't all right.

Probably because he'd used that speech over and over again himself, that and the simple fact that your body looked like a cute little pinocchio with a nose extended to its ears.

"Yeah yeah, no big deal - argh!" you started before Frank put his hand on the gaping wound in your arm. “Hey!”

"No big deal, eh? If it was no big deal ya wouldn't be reacting like this."

"It's nothing, really."

You had no idea if you sounded convincing… well, from the look on both their faces, you weren’t. Frank crossed his arms over his chest, looking you up and down as he bit the inside of his cheek.

You felt tiny under his gaze like that, barely lifting your eyes to look into his. There was a dark insistence in his stare, and you could tell he was frustrated, only whether it was about you or the situation in itself you weren't sure.

"What d’you say Red ?" he said after seconds that felt like minutes.

You turned to Matt, his gaze fixed as usual on a point in the void. But that didn't stop his eyes from being expressive, and the rest of his face reinforced them. You watched in the half-light the way his jaw muscles twitched in the lamplight and your heart fell in your stomach.

"Our flat is closer to here than hers," was what he ended up saying.

Your heart went right back up your chest as you blinked fast, frowning at the sentence he had so casually said.

"I'm sorry, what?" you asked, "how do you know I'm-" but you didn't finish your own sentence before starting the next, "you followed me all the way to my place?"

Matt put both hands on his hips with a sigh, biting his lower lip before finally answering.

"We had a bit of a scare the other night when you were cut on the shoulder. We just wanted to make sure... that you got home okay."

Your lips parted in surprise, shifting then from Matt to Frank, who was looking at his feet as if the ground was far more interesting than anything he had to say at the moment. You weren't sure how to feel about that.

In a way, you found it strange that they'd followed you home without telling you anything about it, but Matt with his keen senses would probably have known where you were sooner or later. Besides, it was well-intentioned, and the sudden thought that they cared about you - no, about your state - was surprisingly heart-warming.

"In any case," Matt continued, clearing his throat, "ours is a lot closer than yours, and in your current state, you could do with some treatment when you get there."

"I'm not planning to stay the night, am I?" you laughed nervously.

"Why not?" said Frank, raising his eyebrows and his shoulders in one gesture.

From now on, victory would go to the one with the most convincing argument.

"Well, I've got work tomorrow," you began, already thinking about the pain you'd have to endure in the morning when you woke up.

You could still feel your warm blood clinging to your clothes, and the sensation was becoming increasingly unpleasant.

"Say you're unwell, isn't far off the mark," Frank replied, pointing with a lazy wave of his hand at your body.

"But I don't have any clothes to spend the night in." You retorted, although the argument was easily contradicted by Matt's remark.

"We'll lend you some, it's no big deal," he assured you.

"I don't have a toothbrush," you retorted, as if that couldn't possibly be of any importance in this setting.

"We're not Cro-Magnons, we have backup ones," Matt laughed softly.

It was becoming a little more complicated to come up with relevant arguments. The blood loss was making you dizzy, weak, and preventing you from standing properly without grimacing every second while focusing all your attention on each cut and the intense burning sensation it gave you.

It wasn't so much that you didn't want to go, because on the contrary you found yourself enjoying their company more and more. It was simply the fact that...

"I'm afraid of imposing myself on you and bothering you." You said, looking away.

You were colleagues up to now, people who shared a common interest in justice, and you didn't mind their company. Only, you'd added to the mix completely unexpectedly. They'd already been working together before, even living together. You didn't know a great deal about their private lives and here you were, the millstone, getting hurt in the middle of a patrol and not being able to make a move without everything hurting.

You turned towards them again. The look on Frank's face was like the typical reaction of a human being who has just witnessed the greatest absurdity of all, while Matt's mouth was half-open in surprise. It almost seemed to you that saying that simple sentence had been a mistake.

"That's it, you're coming with us," Matt confirmed.

"Definitely," Frank affirmed as he approached you and placed one of his hands behind your back.

"Hey wait-" you had no say in the matter, though, as Frank's second hand came up behind your knees and lifted you off the ground.

Your hands barely grasped the back of his neck, wincing as you writhed in pain. You wouldn't have minded being carried. The fatigue of the evening weighed on each of your limbs as if they were full of lead.

You knew how to walk, one step in front of the other like most, and the suddenness of being lifted so easily into the air felt funny. You couldn't help fidgeting, caressing the hope of finding a position more comfortable than one that made you feel every inch of your skin open to the night air.

"Stop movin’ like a chicken ‘bouta have its throat cut," Frank grumbled as the two of them started walking.

"Put it on the ground and the chicken will calm down," you breathed through clenched teeth of discomfort.

"It's not a very long walk, I promise." Matt reassured you.

You huffed, clutching the collar of Frank's jacket to prevent yourself from squeezing the back of his neck too hard and getting another remark. You were torn between the uneasiness of the stir he made with every step, which you felt in every wound, and the new comfort you found in the embrace of his arms.

You felt so... safe that way. And not just with Frank, because you felt the same sense of tranquillity with Matt. They were both involved in your life in such an unusual way and they still managed to make you feel comfortable.

You'd never been so close to him, snuggled up against him and held in his strong arms. As close as you were to his body, you could smell him. A mix of cool and warm.

He carried the smoky but crisp scent of the night, the fresh but dark air, like the smell of a just-cut apple leaving its cool scent on the blade of the knife that has just sliced it. And all of this was strangely relieving.

Your eyes drifted to his neck, which was inevitable considering how close you were to it. Your gaze focused on his Adam's apple, ready to be covered by his perpetual stubble, letting your eyes slide up to his marked, strong jawline. You weren't in the habit of observing someone so closely, especially when that someone was handsome.

The journey across his face continued, passing from his full lips, to his nose bumped by the many blows he must have received in the face, to conclude this pleasant silent voyage with his eyes. Beneath a pair of stern eyebrows were two onyxes, shyly illuminated by the few street lamps on the deserted streets you were travelling through. You had seen them turn black like those of a shark that had smelled blood.

If you didn't know that look would never be meant for you, you'd be afraid of them.

You'd spent enough time with them in combat situations to know that their rage alone could bring a man down with a look. You hoped you'd never have to pay the price of it.

But this close, you didn't feel in danger, although the very idea that such dark eyes of vengeance and bitterness and death might pass over yours made you shudder.

“You’re staring, little one,” Frank remarked, his gaze never wavering from the path in front of him.

Too embarrassed by your own behaviour, you nestled your head on his shoulder, resting your forehead on it as your neck and cheeks heated up. You felt a little foolish as you felt your heart beating frantically between your ribs, and the very idea that Matt could undoubtedly hear it made you want to be swallowed up by a hole in the ground and disappear.

When were you going to get to that bloody flat where you would - hopefully - never again have to be so close to one of them without your thoughts getting carried away ?

Your wishes were granted, as you soon found yourselves standing in front of a door that Matt habitually opened, letting Frank go first as he pressed you closer to him to get through the doorway. With a single breath, his scent invaded you more and more until, for a few moments, your thoughts were focused on nothing but him.

The sudden closeness of him made you feel your cheek brush against the nape of his neck, cool in the night air, but enough for your own skin to heat up slightly.

Internally, you were slapping yourself in the face. Now was not the time to let yourself be bewitched by your colleagues, although the fact that you would be spending the night with them would intensify those thoughts.

Your reflections kept you prisoner enough that you didn't realise until you'd climbed the stairs that you were about to enter Matt's flat. No... their flat.

This reality dropped into your stomach like a heavy stone. They're together, so don't try or think anything that might disappoint you. Tonight... It's just business. It's just help they're giving you, that's all it is.

Perhaps it was a cruel lack of affection that made you repeat all this to yourself, but whatever the case, your inner monologue gradually died down as your attention was drawn to the inside of the place.

It was big, really big for a flat, and for a moment the idea of Matt and Frank being rich occurred to you. It wasn't until Frank moved further into the living room that your eyes fell almost painfully on the neon lighting that illuminated the whole room.

And the more you looked, the more the charm of the place intensified. Of course, the neon had to be a problem. And yes, the walls had faded wallpaper and cracked paint. And maybe the windows could have done with a bit of a wipe down.

But the cosy atmosphere the flat had was delightful. The warmth that greeted you as you entered was gentle and reassuring. You noticed that there was little smell in the flat, nothing too strong at least so far.

"On the sofa, she's already lost enough blood for the evening," Matt pointed out as he left for his kitchen.

Ah, right, Matt's senses, you almost forgot. The reason for the absence of perfume or overpowering scents in their flat was surely that it could prove abrasive on his olfactory sensitivity and generally on his senses.

Frank didn't hesitate for a moment, gently lowering you onto the leather sofa, which you felt sink under your back. The sudden change of position made you wince and whimper, the pain of your wounds hitherto camouflaged by your comfort in Frank's arms resurfacing to inflame your skin.

Frank watched you for a moment, frowning as he observed with serious eyes the dark stains that soaked through the various fabrics of your outfit. Without a word, he walked away, and a few seconds later Matt appeared in your field of vision, a bottle of amber liquid in his hand.

"We're going to need you to take off your top and trousers, do you think you can do that?"

The heat rose to your cheek, making you realise that with those wounds on your body, it was inevitable that you would end up naked if they wanted to do anything to help fix you.

You pressed your teeth into your lower lip, keeping it prisoner for a moment and grunting as the gesture made you reopen your little wound.

"I'll try," you croaked, trying to unclench the hand that had been glued to your side until now.

The bleeding seemed to have eased, the blood slightly caking to your hand as you pulled it free with an exhaled whimper. The sudden contact of air on your skin felt like an icy slap, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you tried to calm yourself.

Your head tumbling back on the comfortable leather, you tried to get your hands to the sides of your T-shirt, pulling at the fabric. The material rubbed against your gaping wound, and you gritted your teeth as you breathed heavily.

Matt swallowed, clenching his jaw before kneeling in front of you.

"I can help you, if you don't mind," he offered, his hands coming to rest on your ankles as he began to remove your shoes.

Your reflex would usually have been to say no, your determination to achieve everything on your own without help from others blocking such opportunities. But the more you thought about it, the more the taste of resignation grew in your mouth.

At the rate you were going, getting undressed would take a considerable amount of time, time that Matt and Frank could probably have spent doing something more interesting than helping someone like you. So you gave in.

The blood from your split lip spilled back into your mouth, your tongue running over the cut and burning you. Wrinkling your nose in pain and breathing through your teeth, you nodded vigorously as you readjusted yourself on the sofa.

Matt sat up straight on his knees and faced you, his hands first feeling the leather of the sofa to find your thigh. He gently skimmed along the fabric, his hand brushing the wound on your thigh and making you grunt slightly.

"Sorry," he murmured softly. "The bleeding seems to have stopped," his confirmation letting his hand travel up to your waist.

His second joined in, avoiding the path of his twin again, and finding the sides of your top.

"Can you put your arms up for me?" he asked softly.

You swallowed, chewing the inside of your cheek as you took a deep breath. Then you did the seemingly impossible by lifting your arms. Your shoulders felt like they were made of lead, and your whole body seemed to be made of nothing but aches and pains.

When the fabric and movement rubbed against the wound on your arm, which you had barely raised, your hand instinctively came to press against it, letting a small, contorted whimper escape from your lips.

Matt let out a sigh, but he didn't seem exasperated or annoyed, more concerned or sharing your pain. Just then Frank came back into the living room, a first aid kit in hand as he came up beside you.

"We're going to have to cut your shirt off," Matt warned.

You sighed, feeling deeply incapable. When did taking off a shirt become so complicated? Every cut on your body was starting to burn severely, and you felt like throwing yourself into a lake of ice water to soothe the pain.

Frank pulled the scissors out of the kit, sitting down next to you and letting the sofa sink beneath him.

"We'll get you a new one," he promised as the cold kiss of the scissor blades touched your skin for a moment near the wound on your arm, bringing a short-lived respite.

Frank tugged at the fabric to pull it away from your skin, then after a few scissor strokes tore the material of your t-shirt as if it were paper with a sharp tear.

The cold skin of his fingers, still covered in the cool of the outside air, came to rest on your skin, and it was as if night met day, as the moon touched the sun with its fingertips, illuminating each of its craters and cuts.

Meanwhile, Matt unbuckled your belt gently, unbuttoning your trouser button at the same time and pulling on the fly until his fingers brushed the birth of...

"Sorry about the whisky but we didn't have anything else," he said apologetically as he took hold of the edges of your trousers.

"Aren't you guys sponsored by first aid kits at this point?" you asked through clenched teeth.

Waiting for Frank to move the scissors away from your skin, you raised your pelvis so that Matt could slide your trousers down more easily.

"There hasn't been any disinfectant in any of them since last night," he explained with a small smile.

The scene was strangely intimate, Frank's hot breath spreading across the back of your neck as he cut off your shirt, and Matt's hands sliding your trousers down your thighs.

You couldn't help but let out a grunt as the fabric of your pant leg brushed against the wound on your thigh, though Matt was doing his best not to cause you any discomfort, whispering small apologies as he did so.

You then realised the context of all this, and the heat rose to your cheeks when Frank threw the last shred of your old T-shirt somewhere in the background: you were in your underwear in front of them.

For a moment, their fingers on your body felt much less professional. The passage of their digits over your skin left behind a trail of sparkling powder underneath.

Placing a towel under your thigh, Matt indicated to Frank the bottle of alcohol which he uncorked.

"This might sting a bit," Matt advised just before Frank started pouring the cool liquid over the wound on your arm.

You stifled a muffled gasp, your thighs trembling slightly from the heat of your wounds. Matt's face scrunched up, his hands resting on your thighs in the hope of easing your pain or distracting you from the excruciating sensation you were going through. As for Frank, he didn't seem to give a damn, his face filled with his constant annoyed neutrality.

You had wondered several times whether Frank hated you, or whether it was difficult for him to stand you. Whatever the case, he didn't seem to have you in his heart. Maybe it was mistrust, but whatever the reason, he seemed irascible towards you.

He continued to pour the contents of the bottle quite generously onto your side, your eyelids closing so tightly that you felt you were seeing stars. You gritted your teeth so hard that for a moment they cut off your hearing, then released the tension.

"It's almost done," Matt murmured in the hope of encouraging you.

Frank ended up cleaning your trembling thigh. You brought your hand, closed into a fist, up to your mouth, biting the skin of one of your fingers to channel the pain.

Your head jerked back, breathing heavily as tears welled up in the corners of your eyes. The worst had undoubtedly just passed.

You heard them rummaging around in the kit, and as you straightened your head, you saw them pulling out needle and thread.

"No pain killers," you managed to say as your mouth felt almost pasty.

Frank chuckled, preparing the needle properly.

"Gotta get this done first, no painkillers for your princess ass now."

You let out a half-sigh, half-laugh.

"Silly me to assume you'd care." you mumbled, already feeling the discomfort from the alcohol on your gaping skin soften.

"It' all be over soon," Matt asserted, his thumb running over the skin of your thigh.

"And I who was looking forward to living in agony for the rest of my life,' you breathed.

Frank brought one of the armchairs closer to the sofa, needle in hand.

"Gon try and be gentle, softy." he added, the little nickname making you scoff.

"No, Frank, being gentle isn't your area of excellence. You shine mainly in murder and mutilation."

He raised his eyes to yours, still red and wet from your previous pain and reflecting the famous 'gentleness' he had shown in his actions. He frowned, but this gesture was unexpectedly accompanied by a smile mixing surprise and amusement, stretching his face in a way you'd never seen from him before.

He brought the needle up to your thigh, grasping the skin with his large hand as firmly as gently. He pierced it, making you wince at the sensation.

"Just gonna pretend I didn't hear that," he finally said, his concentration seemingly unwavering.

But the simple idea of saying this when this same man was stitching you up at the moment only enchanted you for a short moment. He had a needle in his hand that he could very well stick anywhere but in the wound that needed to be closed. And although it was an immensely small needle, you were well aware that anything can become a deadly weapon if you have the will to use it.

So you said nothing, letting that little irritation fade away as you let yourself be stitched up. The pain was bearable in the end, nothing too horrible. It was better than going home and cauterising the whole thing with your straightening iron.

Now that the pain was more bearable, your attention eventually drifted to something other than that feeling, and more to the rest. The feel of their fingers on your body brought a whole new sensory experience, causing a warm cloud to settle in your belly.

Matt straightened up, your thigh already missing the presence of his hand on it. He sat down beside you, his fingers brushing your arm without injury.

"Your lip's cut," he remarked.

"It's not the worst thing on the menu," you laughed nervously, immediately regretting your gesture as your smile stretched your lip and reopened it again.

He fumbled for the kit, taking a cotton ball and grabbing the bottle to soak it in.

"Here," he said, his hand coming to take your chin tenderly and turning it towards him.

He pressed the wet cotton to your wound, and you hissed as your nose wrinkled in pain.

"It might sting a bit when you drink," he murmured.

The proximity gripped your heart, Matt's face close enough to yours that you felt his breath hit your skin gently and evenly. You tried to calm your racing heart in your chest, swallowing as you let him finish disinfecting your lip.

You took the opportunity to watch him more closely, to see the way his stubble ran gracefully across his jaw, the way his brown eyes watching the empty space were full of softness, the way his lips, which you were used to seeing outside the mask, were full and pink.

He seemed incredibly gentle, and if you didn't spend some nights a week in his company fighting crime, you'd never have bet he was fighting like the devil himself: unleashed, full of rage, the taste of revenge and the desire for a better balance blinding him beyond measure.

"You'll take our bed," Matt said, Frank just finishing stitching up your thigh.

You immediately frowned, your lips parting.

"Since I'm on the couch I might just stay on it," you laughed nervously as Frank moved to the wound on your waist.

His hand grabbed your hip and pulled you to the edge of the sofa, looking up at you:

"Sit straight and still," he says in a tone calm but firm enough to convince you that he wouldn't repeat that command twice.

You straighten up slightly, letting him come and stitch up the wound in your side.

"Of the three of us, you're clearly the one who needs comfort and rest the most, not us," Matt continued, placing the now useless cotton wool on the table.

"I can assure you that I've rarely been on a sofa as comfortable as this one," you added.

You'd invite yourself into their home unannounced, they'd take care of you, and on top of that they'd make you sleep in their bed while they slept elsewhere?

"Do we really have to drag you there?" asked Frank, tugging at the thread.

"And let me squirm and ruin all your previous efforts on my wounds?" you huffed as you looked into his eyes, a muscle near your eye twitching as Frank continued his work. "I'd ruin your sheets, that's really not necessary."

"Listen-" Matt started, but you stopped him.

"No," you assured him, turning to him, "and anyway I can already feel sleep stalking me."

Frank breathed in as he opened his lips to speak and contradict you again, but you stopped him.

"Really," you assured him, "I'll take the sofa."

Frank bit his cheek in irritation, obviously not so happy to know that someone in this town shared being so stubborn. He turned to Matt, who also didn't seem to be enjoying the situation any more than that.

"Alright, but there's no way I'm going to hear you complain as soon as you wake up, is that clear?" finished Frank as he tied the thread over the cut in your abdomen.

"Scout's honour," you sighed.

As Frank started your last cut, Matt got up and went to the kitchen to get a glass. He filled it with water, while you and Frank seemed to be engaged in a stare-down between two obstinate, stubborn people.

"Thanks Matty," you thanked sincerely, taking the two delicious items in your hand.

He seemed surprised by the nickname, a nervous chuckle forming a smile on his lips.

"I'll grab you some clothes," he replied as he left for their shared room and began the process of changing his costume.

You placed the tablet on your tongue, then brought the glass to your lips. As promised, it stung. A cloud of red diluted on the contact with your lips, and as you observed it you wondered how you would justify it to your boss.

You sighed, reminding yourself that you should email them first thing in the morning to let them know you were absent. All you had to do the next day was explain that you'd been attacked in the street for stealing your bag, but you'd managed to get away, and that in a state of shock you didn't feel like coming to work the next day. This would probably do.

Frank finished stitching you up fairly quickly, and when he cut the last thread he still looked at you with that annoyed look he never seemed to shake off.

"Thank you, Frankie" you thanked, using the nickname in a more playful tone than you had with Matt.

He let out a single sharp breath from his lungs before getting up and leaving in his turn for the bedroom, from which Matt emerged in much more... normal clothes.

It was the first time you'd seen him in civilian attire, in a simple hoodie and jogging bottoms. Your eyes went wide, your mouth half-open for a moment, and you had to blink several times to pull yourself together.

"Here," he said, placing the pile of clothes next to you on the sofa. "Do you think you can stand this time?"

Now that the adrenaline had worn off, and everything else didn't burn as much as if hell itself had invited itself under your skin, you tried to stand up. You wanted to avoid any sudden movements, but eventually, with a bit of effort, you managed to straighten up and start pushing on your legs to get up.

Your knees trembled slightly from the stress and everything else that had gone with it during the night, and just as you thought you'd be sprawled out on the floor in the next few seconds, tasting the parquet floor, Matt grabbed your arm and pulled you towards him.

"Hey, take it easy little fawn, we don't need you damaging your nose on top of everything else," he laughed as he steadied you, letting your legs wobble a little more before you felt comfortable enough to stand.

Your whole body hurt like hell. And no wonder: in addition to your various cuts from the evening, your body was dotted with clouds of bruises that would make all the blueberries jealous of their colour.

"Let me help you," he finally smiled gently as he picked up the T-shirt from the pile.

He helped you into the top, taking care not to let the fabric come into contact with your freshly stitched skin.

"I'll need to borrow one of your shirts tomorrow when I leave," you said with a small smile, "mine's had a bit of a problem."

Matt laughed softly as he poked his head into your top. " May it rest in pieces."

You laughed softly at his little joke, slipping the rest on and feeling his hands roam over your covered skin, the size of the t-shirt far too big for you and reaching the top of your thighs.

Matt lowered himself to his knees in front of you, and you looked down at him as he rolled up the sweatpants so he could slip them around your ankle, guiding your hand over his shoulder so you could find some support.

The vision was heady, taking hold of your heart like an intoxicating scent you want to chase down so you can bury your whole face in it and never leave. You wanted to run your fingers through his hair, to let them get lost in its meanders, to let your nails graze his skull before tugging lightly on it...

But you pulled yourself together, the thought once again creating a warm cloud in your lower belly as he straightened up and pulled the fabric up your legs, his fingers brushing your skin as if you were a statue forbidden to be touched.

"You're gonna have to see that with Frank though," he said as he tied the two laces around your waist, "it's his shirt."

That's how the same smell you'd first smelled when you were in his arms came back to mind, but you remained stoic, preventing yourself from grabbing the collar of the shirt and bringing it up to your nose.

"Challenge of the year," you sighed, smiling though, "thank you. For all of this."

"That's normal, it would be a shame if our partner found herself unable to exercise," he reassured you.

The word sent a shiver up your spine and into your cheeks.

"Red?" called Frank from the bedroom.

"Coming," he answered over his shoulder before turning away from you.

You sat back down on the sofa, tiredness beginning to weigh heavily on your eyelids. You lay down, the multiple events of the evening knocking you out more easily than any sleeping pill.

You had no trouble falling asleep, even with the neon lights on, even without a blanket, and even when the two of them came back into the room.

When you woke up, your back felt like it was sinking into a cloud. The surface you were lying on was soft, and when you turned on your side, your hand came to rest on a material that was not at all like the leather of the sofa: silk.

You propped yourself up gently on one elbow, observing the place you were in, and that's when you realised: they'd moved you into their bed while you were asleep.

"Bastards," you muttered, and bit your cheek to stop the little smile forming on your lips from breaking out.

A funny feeling sprang up in your heart, making it light and rosy. But that feeling quickly faded as you sat up straighter and your whole body ached. You felt like you'd just come out of a washing machine, all tossed and turned.

You stood up, trying to stretch but stopping immediately when the pain from your stitched-up cuts threatened to reopen. You didn't want to mess up their clothes, you'd probably never forgive yourself if that happened.

You came out of the bedroom and found Frank and Matt talking in the kitchen. Matt turned to you, sending you a smile.

"Good morning," he offered.

You were limping lightly, and bent slightly, walking slowly towards them through fatigue and pain.

"At last the groundhog graces us with her presence," Frank grumbled, turning to you.

"Am I rather not a sleeping beauty ?" you returned with a smile, "I wonder if sleeping beaty had a breakfast date when she woke up. I mean, look at me this is such a tempting offer," you said as your posture could easily have been a cross between an old lady and a pregnant woman, leaning on your hip, alternating between the curve of your back and the arch of it, making your whole body crack into a grimace of relief.

But surprisingly, they both smiled at your joke, and the awkward silence you might have expected or the abrupt change of subject to move on never came. But that didn't stop you from apologising on the spot.

"I'm sorry, I don't want my words to sound inappropriate, but I know that you two... well, you're..." together was the word you were looking for, but your fingers pinched the bridge of your nose.

Try again, you thought. You'll end up rowing champion if you keep paddling like that. But Matt immediately reassured you.

"There's nothing to worry about, and besides, on my side you have to be forgiving when you don't have the 'pause' button."

Right, you thought, even though the heat was rising to your cheeks and neck enough for your cool hand to come and rest on it, massaging it nervously.

"I find you singularly witty, Red," Frank said, arms folded across his chest.

Of course, there was nothing new under the sun about Frank. His sharp tone brought you back to solid ground in no time.

"How are the wounds?" he asked as he turned to you, his eyes lingering for a moment on the fact that you were wearing his shirt.

"Very well," you assured him as you lifted the sides of your shirt to show the one on your side and the one on your arm, turning back to him, "I think the blue really brings out my eyes, don't you?"

He smirked, and you couldn't quite work out whether it was genuine annoyance or amusement. It all seemed a bit too perfect, and that's when it hit you.

"Fuck!" you exclaimed, looking for where they'd put your trousers where your phone was.

"What is it?" asked Matt.

"My boss," you said, searching the hallway and finding your trousers there, "I didn't tell him-"

"We called him this morning," pointed out Frank.

You stopped in your tracks, turning back to them.

"You what ?" you questioned.

"We called him," Matt informed, "we told him that we were close to you and that after you were mugged last night in the street you decided to stay home for the day out of shock."

"You-"

"It's all sorted, you don't need to worry," Frank grunted, taking his drink in hand, surely in search for you to shut up and let him enjoy his morning cup of coffee.

You stood there like a houseplant in the middle of the living room, and Matt invited you to take a seat for breakfast. Bemused, you took a seat and the three of you ate and chatted for a while.

Matt mentioned taking you to see a guy he knew so that he could cover you up with something other than such a simplistic and obviously flimsy outfit that could put you in danger again.

And after breakfast, you left at the same time as Matt, who was leaving for work. You said your final goodbyes and went your separate ways.

Little did you know the proximity of last night would change many things.

⟢ next part : here

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lokisprettygirl · 1 year

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Lose me to Love you (Loki x Female Reader) (AU) (18+)

Read Chapter 24 here / Series Masterlist

Chapter 25

Summary: The brothers meet again.

Trigger Warning: 18+, Description of rape and assault, panic attack, violence against women, Extreme dark themes, Sexual abuse, physical abuse, public sex, Rough violent sex, 18+, Steamy stuff, age difference ,Rough language, mention of suicide, talk of virginity and slut shaming, manipulative behaviour, mention of trauma, smut, toxic relationship between main characters. Dark themes, cult stuff

You kept your eyes on him as he drove you towards Thor's creepy dungeon again. You didn't know why he was taking you there but you knew you were completely safe as long as you had him, your eyes drifted towards the strained knuckles on the steering wheel and that's when you noticed the bruise on them.

"What happened there?" You asked him so he shrugged in a manner that always meant "Don't worry about it"

You continued to stare at his face so he looked to the side and gave you the smile that made you want to curl up to him immediately. Moments like this made you wish you were as small as a cat.

"What?" He asked you as your fingers caressed his scalp.

"Can't I just stare at the sexiest guy to walk this planet without being interrupted?" He chuckled as you answered him,

"You really do suck at flirting sweetheart"

"As if you're any better" you smiled at him and you could see the wheels turning in his head.

"I don't need to flirt with you to fuck you" your breath quickened at the deep sultry voice he used.

"That is ummmm well it's true"

It took two hours, you even fell asleep on the way and he couldn't help but keep his eyes on your sleeping form. His heart fluttered at the sight, maybe he needed to cuddle you up sometimes later. He really wanted to make you feel cherished but he just didn't know how to do that, he was only good at fucking things up and hurting you, that came naturally to him, it was in his genes.

He looked around properly this time as Thor's place arrived, it was deep into the woods with no sight of other human beings whatsoever.

"Hey darling wake up" the back of his fingers rubbed over your cheek so you opened your eyes and looked at him. You took your seat belt off and climbed onto his lap like a cat, he appreciated that alot. His arms wrapped around your body as you snuggled into him

"You trust me right?" He asked you again so you hummed in response. Of Course you trusted him, it just felt a little weird to be back here "You're safe I promise okay? He won't hurt you..if he does I'll kill him right on the spot"

"Okay daddy..kiss me" a smile crept on his lips as you mumbled like a child, he grabbed the back of your neck and kissed you as passionately as he could but before it could get heated you heard a knock on the window of his side and it made you jump. It was Thor so loki lowered down the glass of the window.

"Time is up love birds" he snickered so you glared at him "Ohh hey little starling"

You winced at the nickname, it wasn't new, he used to call you that when you were just a kid, you remembered him visiting your mother at the center, especially at nights sometimes when your daddy wasn't there. As he opened the door you looked at Loki so he assured you with his eyes and you stepped out, as soon as Loki came out you grabbed onto his fingers.

"Thor"

"Loki"

They glared at each other momentarily before Thor started to walk away, his dungeon seemed weird, he probably bought it on Craigslist, it was under the ground, there was no structure, just a narrow corridor that lead to a hall and it had four rooms in total, you recognised the one he had kept you in. At the end of the hall there was a kitchenette and what you assumed was his living space

"Where is mother?" Loki asked him as he looked around.

"Sent her someplace away, don't worry about her, she won't trouble you and your little starling…sit down..relax" You crossed your arms as Thor said that

"And where is she?" You looked at him confused as Loki questioned again.

"The first room" Thor answered him

"Where is who?" You asked Loki so he sighed.

"Just stay here and relax okay I'll be back in a few"

"You're leaving me alone with him?" Your eyes teared up so Loki looked at Thor, Thor was looking at him with a constant smile on his face.

"Don't worry okay? Just calm down, I just need you to trust me" He said to you so you nodded, he kissed your forehead before he walked back into the narrow corridor that led to the first room. You turned around and glared at Thor before you picked a chair and sat down.

"Sooooooo what will you have? I have wine, whiskey, plain ol' orange juice..no tea or coffee unfortunately"

He said to you but you didn't respond so he sat down with a glass of whiskey on the single couch. You looked at him and you were going to say something insulting and super mean but then you remembered his life, he wasn't exactly spared from the abuse, you were mad at him for never protecting Loki but maybe just like Loki he didn't have a choice either.

"Lucky lad ain't he, got a sweet girl who'd come back to her kidnappers house so willingly" he smiled but his eyes were teary.

"He'll kill you if you even try–"

"Oh nooo noo ..not trying anything, you're like a sister to me now" you scrunched your face as he said that.

"I'm just going to forget that you didn't drug me that night and kidnapped me and slapped me and tried to rape me"

"I wasn't going to do the rape thingy ..not really, just wanted to see you piss your pants with fear but you surprised me little starling" you rolled your eyes as he said that.

"Why are we here?" He chugged on his drink before he answered you.

"He wanted to see her"

"See who? You said Frigga wasn't here"

"Natasha" your eyes widened at the name. Why the fuck was she here?

"Wait what?"

"Do you really think she changed her statement because she suddenly wanted to be nice?" He chuckled and you didn't need to ask more questions.

"Loki I swear if you don't get me out of here.. I'll destroy you and everything you care about" Loki chuckled as she threatened him. She was in position to do so right now.

"How does it feel to be taken against your will this time for real?" He asked her as he sat down on the chair in front of the bed.

"I have a child, he needs me loki.. pleaseee" her eyes teared up but it only made him feel better.

"Well I'm glad it's not a girl, hell knows you don't deserve a baby girl after what you have done" she chuckled as he said that.

"You think you're on some sort of higher moral ground here lokiii? Really" She taunted him so he smiled.

"I actually don't. I know who I am but you seem to have forgotten. How long do you think you'll survive here? You know how Thor gets when he's ummm angry" her jaw clenched and the facade dropped again.

"Odin should have killed you both" his eyes teared up as she said that. She hasn't changed at all and she never would, he never should have trusted her at all knowing that she fancied a man like his father.

"Anyways just in case you don't know I know where your boy is so don't act funny, I won't hesitate to add one more name to the list of children who have died because of me" The arrogance melted away from her face as he said that. For once she actually feared him.

"You can't do that Loki..you're not like that…pleasse I'm sorry..I'll do whatever you want..just please don't hurt him..you're not like that I know" she begged him and he closed his eyes at the relief he felt in the moment. He looked at her intently and then smiled devilishly.

"Ohhh try me, why don't you? I am Odin's son after all"

After staring at each other for a while, You stood up and walked towards Thor so he looked at you, he wondered if you were going to slap him again.

"Have you ever been hugged?" He looked at you confused as you questioned him.

"What?"

"Stand up"

"What are you doing starling?" He chuckled so you grabbed his arm and made him stand up then you hugged him as appropriately as you could.

"You're supposed to hug me back" you mumbled to him so he wrapped his arms around you.

"Ummmm what is thisss?"

"It's called hugging..it makes you feel better"

"How many times you have hugged my brother in past few years?"

"Plenty of times"

"Is he better? Less evil? Saner now?"

"He never was evil" Thor chuckled as you said that even though he knew you weren't wrong, he has spent sleepless nights thinking about his life at the center, he wanted to change his past, he wanted to go back and protect his Little brother but it was impossible to do that now. That day when he was on top of you and you begged him to protect Loki, he saw it as a chance to redeem himself, he hoped it would make him sleep that night but nothing of that sort happened.

"What's going on here?" You heard Loki's voice so you pulled away from his brother.

"Before you punch me in the face she came onto me and not vice versa" Thor chuckled and you glared at him.

"It was just a hug…my goddddd" you walked towards Loki and got on your tiptoes to kiss him. You heard Thor whistling in a teasing manner so you stopped immediately.

"What are we going to do with her?" Loki made you sit down on the couch as he questioned Thor.

"You tell me brother..I can ..you know..push her off the cliff or something" your eyes widened as Thor said that, these people talked about murder as if it was nothing. You were going to say something but as you felt Loki's fingers running over your scalp you ate your words and relished in the feeling like a starved puppy.

"That's only going to come back and bite us in the arse, I need her to confess that she came here because of Odin"

"Leave it upto me then..here..have this" Loki looked at the glass of whisky as Thor offered him "Don't worry ..no drugs" Thor gave you that infuriating smile again so you rolled your eyes. Loki grabbed the glass and took a sip.

"Give her something to eat" he said to Thor.

"I offered..she denied "

"Do you blame her you oaf?"

"Noooo" Thor walked towards the kitchenette and took out a pre-made sandwich from the fridge to pass it to you which you took hesitantly.

"What is your new name now?" You asked Thor and Loki wondered the same, he never really asked, it's not as if they both had a proper conversation since Thor shoved himself back into his life.

"It's Theo" you chuckled as he said that

"I mean it's fine..nice name..it's just too similar to Thor" you chomped on your sandwich as you finished your sentence.

"I wanted something with Th..you think your name is nice? It sucks ..y/n.. huhhh what even is that?" He retaliated and before the back and forth could continue Loki intervened.

"Where's mother?" Loki asked him

"Told you she's safe somewhere..need one more?" He pointed towards the empty glass Loki was holding so he nodded. You didn't want to stop him if he wanted to drink with his brother, you couldn't even imagine how weird this must be for him but you knew he still cared about his brother so you wanted them to bond with each other.

"I'm going to look around" you stood up to give them a little privacy but loki grabbed your arms.

"Don't go up there to wander okay?" He told you sternly so you pressed a kiss on his cheek.

"Okay daddy" Thor's eyes widened at the name but he didn't say anything.

"Ask him first" you turned to Thor as Loki said that. He indeed acted like your father sometimes.

"Can I look around?" You asked him so he nodded, as you disappeared out of their sight Loki sat down on the couch and sighed.

"What kind of fucked up relationship do you share with her?" Thor asked him as he pulled up a chair next to him, he did refill both of their glasses again before he sat down.

"The same kind you shared with her mother" Thor's eyes teared up as he was reminded of her again.

"It's not the same is it?"

"Not really"

"Does she know about us? Me and her mother?" He asked Loki

"I don't know..she never talks about her mother, only mentions her when she's trying to make a point"

"Do you love her?" Loki chuckled as Thor questioned him

"What is love really? Monsters like us don't deserve that"

"You do. You saved a life at least "

"That won't erase my sins" he chugged on his drink in one go and picked the bottle up from the floor to fill his glass again.

"Well ..at least you got her to take your mind off" Thor chuckled so Loki glared at him.

"She's not a fucking distraction"

"Then what is she to you?"

"Necessity"

Thor smiled as Loki said that. He was happy for his brother, he deserved to have someone in his life.

"What about you?" Loki asked him so Thor sighed deeply .

"Got drunk and married this chick in Vegas once, lasted like a year, sex was amazing but she couldn't handle the secret relationship..she was kind of famous at the time" Loki looked at him confused as Thor said that.

"I got married too once..you must already know her since you sent her to spy on me"

"Mother wanted it and it was fun to do it not gonna lie"

"You're an asshole "

"Thanks, still can't wrap my mind around the fact that you found a woman to marry you in her right mind"

Loki chuckled as Thor said that. Now that he looks back he couldn't believe either that a woman like Jolene chose to marry him. Why would anyone do that? Why would you even love him? That question always bothered him.

You laid down on the bed in one of the rooms, there was a roof window on the ceiling and you could see the stars lightening up which seemed beautiful, it also terrified you because anyone could find the basement and look inside the room. You sat up as you heard the door opening, it was loki though so you took a breath of relief.

"Hey there" you mumbled softly as he closed the door, he seemed drunk.

"I'm a bit buzzed so we should wait before I drive us back" he mumbled as he took his jacket off, leaving him in that white shirt he had on this morning. He looked up at the window and his brows furrowed "That's cool"

"Come lie down with me" you tapped the side of the bed next to you so he kissed you before he lowered you down on the bed.

"Thank you" he mumbled as he sucked on your neck

"For what?"

"For trusting me enough to come with me here, I know it wasn't easy" your hands sneaked inside his shirt so you could caress his skin, your fingers ran over the long scars on his back and he moaned slightly at the feeling.

"You don't have to thank me, I'll follow you to the hell and back" he looked at you lovingly and kissed on your cheek before he laid next to you, you lifted his arm up and placed your head down on his bicep, you could feel his fingers caressing your shoulders while the other hand linked with yours. Your fingers mindlessly trailed over his forearm, the only light coming into the room was from the starry night that reflected right upon your faces because of the roof window

"What is the plan Loki? I know she should be punished for what she has done but this is not the way" you mumbled softly so he hummed in response

"I just need her to confess that's it"

"You know they'd look for her"

"I know baby..I'll take care of it I promise"

You turned your head to the side and kissed him, he tasted like whiskey and smoke, he never really smoked unless he was extremely stressed. He didn't have any bad habits, the only one he had was promiscuity, you had fixed that one too hopefully. You kissed the bruises on his knuckles and he smiled even though it was getting hard for him to keep his eyes open.

"I love you lolo"

"And I love you sweet buttons"

Yeah he was definitely drunk.

Your legs spooned around his waist, the bulge in his pants made you want to rub against him but you didn't want to take advantage of his drunken state, you knew he'd never do that to you if situations were reversed.

"Touch me darling" your breath hitched as he whispered softly.

"You're drunk baby"

"I know what I'm asking for..touch me ..please" he grabbed your hand and placed it on his hardening cock so you rubbed him up and down slowly. You opened the button of his jeans and unzipped him, his hard cock slipped out of the confinement so you stroked him in your fist, he laid down on his back as the sensation grew, your mouth latched onto his neck, the precum dripped down so you collected it with your thumb and used it to aid your movement. The ragged moans escaped his throat and you wished you could have captured this moment into a film somehow because you didn't think you'd ever get to see something so pretty ever again.

You lifted yourself up to kiss him while your hand continued to work his cock, you were practically on top of him but you didn't think he noticed that just yet. You didn't want him to notice either.

"Goddd my goddd you're beautiful you know? So beautiful" you whispered the praise in his ear and his jaw flexed.

"So are you baby..fuckk keep going little girl..i fucking love you yeah? Daddy loves you so much" You kissed him again as he finished his mindless words. You didn't think he even knew what he meant at the moment.

"I love you Loki, you're loved baby, you're so loved and you always will be..you'll always have me i promise"

As he came all over your hands he moaned your name out loud, you allowed the moment to pass by you before you got up and used the bathroom to clean him, he seemed intoxicated out of his mind so you pulled his pants up and laid down next to him to hold him as tightly as you could. You knew you both won't be going back home tonight.

In the middle of the night he shifted a little so you placed your hand on his cheek and kissed him again, he spoke immediately after that and the words made you smile.

"Happy birthday sweet buttons, I'll make this a good one i promise"

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

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#loki x female reader #loki #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader #loki x reader insert #loki x reader fic #loki x you #loki x reader angst #loki x reader smut #loki alternate universe #loki au #dark themes

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streettealee · 11 months

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Personally, I don't really like the idea of James having to forgive Grace or anyone thinking that he does and needs to/will at some point.

Characters can be redeemed by the narrative, but that doesn't mean all characters need to forgive them. I do think some of the attitude toward Grace turned quite assholey during ChoT, but James was impacted in a huge way by her. There's a difference between accepting what has happened to him, thereby making peace with himself (who else is guilty of beating themselves up by remembering negative experiences in an endless replay cycle and wondering why it happened or how else it could have gone so you could have avoided it or certain aspects of it?), and forgiveness. You can accept an event happened, or in some cases, a person happened, but that doesn't mean you forgive them or condone or excuse their actions. You simply acknowledge within yourself that you don't need to keep beating yourself up over it and even if things could have gone a hundred different ways, it happened the way it did and there's no changing the past.

Sometimes, we think we've made peace and then an experience comes back to haunt us weeks, months, years later, maybe even decades, and often without much warning. And you're left reeling, lost, wondering what's wrong with you "because I thought I was over this?" You could have undergone incredible healing, but suddenly you're trembling like a leaf in the wind again, short of breath, unable to sleep, unable to think, unable to feel, reduced to a robotic sort of state that a lot of people might not notice you're in. You keep thinking of a situation. It comes over and over, no matter how much you try to block it out, tell yourself you're okay with it now, there's no other way it could have been and you're done.

James Herondale has gone through trauma. I recognise that even canon didn't address it very well. Hell, I don't think even I can do it, but I'm trying where fanfic allows. I've seen others attempt it too, which is something, and more than CC did on the whole. I think some of us need to step back and realise that just because we like characters, it doesn't mean characters need to like or forgive each other. A redeemed antagonist's past does not disappear. Things aren't neatly tied up with a bow. I've done things I'm not proud of to people who didn't deserve an ounce of it, and I have to live with that guilt, and remember that they don't need to forgive me. They definitely don't. Just as I wouldn't forgive some of the people who did wrong by me in life, who leave me for periods of time a shell of a human being.

James doesn't need to forgive Grace. It wouldn't surprise me if, years down the track of his fictional life, he began suffering nightmares of a demon on his back, claws in, again, struggling to pry it off. If he saw silver bracelets and skipped hastily over them immediately because he doesn't want to think too deeply about the doors it might open. If he avoids the area around the ruined Blackthorn Manor or compulsively visits there, trying to unite his past self with who he is now. If he felt mostly indifferent just days ago but suddenly can't think about Grace without imagining methods of revenge, memories of time spent together tinted by bitterness, can't look her in the eye for weeks at gatherings.

James could say he does not blame Grace to ease her mind on one of his better days, but it is unrealistic, in my view, to believe he truly forgives her even if he's accepted what happened. A part of him might always blame her, be despairing at her, because of the years he lost because of her. He can know it was Tatiana's commands, her influence, but it doesn't remove the fact that Grace carried these things out and was the face James attributed to his pain. James can be okay, and still suddenly experience it all again years down the track, and Grace being redeemed does not mean he has to forgive her or never blame her. So long as he doesn't act out of malice or cause some intentional harm to her, James is justified. He does not need to forgive.

I hope all of that made sense. Most of this was just rambling thought.

#james herondale #grace blackthorn #tlh #the last hours #chain of thorns #trauma #forgiveness #or lack thereof

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donovanlizzie · 14 days

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Jungle Rot PT2 - Robert Leckie

MASTERLIST

THE PACIFIC MASTERLIST

Part 1

The bustling streets of Melbourne hummed with activity as H Company found themselves stationed in the heart of the city.

It was a welcome respite from the sweltering jungles of Guadalcanal, the air cooler and the atmosphere more relaxed. The decision to bring the Marines to Melbourne before the upcoming Peleliu campaign wasn't just about rest; it was strategic.

The city provided a chance for the soldiers to decompress, to experience a taste of normalcy before returning to the brutal realities of war.

However, amidst the vibrant chaos of Melbourne's streets, Robert Leckie found himself on a different kind of mission.

Despite his best efforts, he hadn't been able to locate the elusive medic, neither below deck nor above.

Even in the temporary barracks set up in the massive cricket ground, she seemed to be nowhere in sight.

But fate had other plans for him that day.

As luck would have it, amidst the throngs of people, he spotted her—walking alone, her uniform crisp, against the backdrop of the bustling city.

With a surge of determination, Robert pushed off the bench he was sitting on leaving his friends in the dust.

He quickened his pace, weaving through the crowd to catch up with her.

"Hey, wait up!" he called out, his voice cutting through the cacophony of sounds around them.

The medic turned, her expression guarded as she recognised Leckie. "What do you want, Marine?"

He slowed to a stop, a slight pant in his breath from the chase.

"I've been looking for you everywhere. Thought I'd never find you."

She raised an eyebrow, her demeanor cool and collected.

"And what makes you think I want to be found?"

Robert chuckled, his charm undiminished by her aloofness. "Maybe I just wanted to say hi."

She eyed him with a touch of doubt, but something in her eyes softened ever so slightly.

"Well, you found me."

Robert grinned, relieved at her response.

"Yeah, I did. How have you been?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "Surviving. Same as always."

He nodded, understanding the sentiment all too well.

"Yeah, it's been a rough ride. But hey, we're here now. That's something, right?"

She gave a small nod, her gaze distant for a moment before returning to meet his.

"I suppose so."

Robert fell into step beside her as they continued down the bustling street, the rhythm of their footsteps falling into sync.

Despite the noise and chaos surrounding them, a sense of calm settled over him as he walked alongside her.

"You know," he began, breaking the comfortable silence between them, "I've been thinking about what you said back in Guadalcanal. About focusing on the mission and keeping things professional."

She glanced at him, curiosity flickering in her eyes. "And?"

Robert shrugged, a small smile playing on his lips. "I get it now. I do. But that doesn't mean we can't... I don't know, find a bit of humanity in all of this."

She considered his words for a moment before responding, her tone softening ever so slightly. "I suppose you have a point."

Robert nodded , seizing the opportunity to bridge the gap between them. "Exactly! So, what do you say we grab a drink sometime? Just two Marines enjoying a moment of peace"

She hesitated, her gaze flickering with uncertainty before finally nodding in agreement. "Sure, why not? I could use a break."

Robert couldn't suppress his grin, feeling a surge of triumph at the small victory.

"Great! How about now? I know a place not too far from here."

" Now? What about your friends?" she asked, looking back seeing the small group consisting of Chuckler, Hoosier, Runner and Sidney bogging the two of them out. Their new ice cream cones melting in their hands as they watched.

" They'll survive without me for one day" Robert waved them off.

She scoffed a laugh and stepped to the side, "Fine... lead the way Marine"

Robert's smile widened slightly, taking the lead through the bustling streets. The cacophony of sounds and the vibrant sights of Melbourne gradually melted into the background as they strolled along.

Finally coming across a quaint little bar tucked away in a quiet corner of the city.

He held open the door for her with a flourish, a grin spreading across his face. "After you, ma'am."

She hummed softly, a hint of amusement in her eyes as she stepped inside.

The dimly lit interior of the bar provided a welcome contrast to the chaos of the outside world, the soft murmur of conversation mingling with the clinking of glasses.

He Lead her to a table in the corner, away from the prying eyes of other patrons.

"So," He began, his voice tinged with excitement, "what's your poison?"

She glanced at the menu, a small smile playing on her lips. "Surprise me."

Robert grinned, motioning for the bartender to come over. "Two surprises, coming right up."

As they waited for their drinks, the soft glow of the bar's lights cast delicate shadows across her features.

Robert shifted in his seat, watching her play with one of the beer mats on the table, feeling the weight of the silence settle between them like a suffocating blanket. Desperate to break the tension, he grasped for conversation.

"So, uh... where are you staying around here?" he asked, his words hesitant.

She looked up from the beer mat, a gentle smile gracing her lips. "A place nearby," she answered softly, leaning in slightly. "In the same damn cricket stadium as you, Marine."

Embarrassment flooded Robert's cheeks, and he shifted in his seat, attempting to conceal his fluster. "Of course," he mumbled, feeling a flush of heat spread across his face.

She chuckled softly, her laughter like a balm to his nerves. "But I've been busy," she explained. "Helping at the hospital or nursing hungover Marines back to health before they go out and do it all again."

Relieved by her response, Robert pressed on, eager to keep the conversation flowing. "So, what do you think of the city so far?"

She shrugged, her gaze drifting away momentarily before returning to meet his. "It's... different," she admitted. "But I guess it's nice to have a break from the constant gunfire, screaming, blood, you know the usual."

Robert nodded in agreement, feeling a sense of camaraderie in their shared experiences. "Yeah, it's a lot different from that island," he agreed, grateful for the distraction as their drinks arrived.

As they toasted silently and savored their drinks, the hours slipped away in the cozy ambiance of the bar, with the day quickly turning into night.

Eventually, the medic glanced at her watch, a reluctant sigh escaping her lips.

"I hate to say it, but we should probably get going," she said, her tone tinged with regret.

Robert nodded reluctantly, realizing their time together was coming to an end. "Yeah, you're probably right," he admitted, pushing himself up from the table.

As they emerged from the warmth of the bar into the cooling night air, Robert couldn't shake the ping of disappointment that settled over him. The reality of war seemed to loom larger in the darkness, casting a shadow over their moment of respite.

Walking alongside the medic in silence, Robert felt the weight of their shared experiences pressing down on him. But as they reached the cricket ground, their paths about to diverge, he couldn't ignore the longing in his heart.

Stopping in their tracks, they turned to face each other, a silent understanding passing between them.

"You know," she began, her voice softening, "tonight was... it was nice. Thanks for the company."

Robert met her gaze, a warmth spreading through him. "Yeah, it was," he agreed, his voice barely above a whisper. "Anytime."

They lingered for a moment, the unspoken words hanging heavy in the air. Then, with a nod, the medic turned to leave.

But before she could go, she stopped, turned back to face Robert, and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"Goodnight, Robert," she murmured before disappearing into the darkness.

Robert stood there, stunned, feeling like he was floating on air. A smile tugged at his lips as he watched her go, savoring the moment before turning to head back to his quarters. But his reverie was abruptly interrupted by the sight of Hoosier, staring at him with wide eyes and a half-smoked cigarette dangling from his lips.

"Holy shit," he murmured, watching his friend smugly walk past him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An: sorry it took so long 🫠

#hbo war #the pacific #the pacific hbo #the pacific imagines #robert leckie imagine #robert leckie

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oddyssey77 · 1 month

Text

The Festival Part 2 - Nico

POV Nico Di Angelo

I had been looking forward to the festival for weeks. And no, not because Will Solace is going to be there. Ok maybe a little. I have been pining over Will for weeks and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get over him. Somehow though, every step toward the camp that I took, I became less and less sure that I was doing the right thing by coming to this.

I am now questioning whether I should've come at all. I hang at the back of the crowd as I normally do in situations like this. Children of Hades were never truly welcome amongst other half bloods and I have gotten well used to it. The dirty scowls, the nervous glances, the trying and failing to ignore him, it all builds up. And it always hurts. I wasn't even sure I'd be welcomed back at camp after the what happened last year.

It took over 45 minutes for Camp Jupiter and the huntresses to get themselves organised and for the rest of us to get in line. I spent most of my time leaning against a tree picking at my nails, but I also talked to Grover for a bit.

"You know, you couldn't look any broodier over there," Grover notes to me jokingly

"Yep," I say, "I am meticulously planning my operation to bring Kronos back to power and bring on the fall of Olympus all while staring deeply into a nailfile."

Grover laughs, which helps me loosen up a bit.

"So how are things going with Juniper?" I ask him. He shifts uncomfortably

"Gods man, I haven't seen you in forever." he says completely skipping over the question as if he hadn't heard me. I decide not to push it and help him change the subject.

"Well while you go around restoring the land of life, I reside in the land of the dead helping to assure people get fair judgement of their lives. So it's not like our to jobs cross paths all that much."

Grover laughed again, but had a pained look in his eyes.

"You haven't seen, umm..." He mumbles shyly. He looks like he is about to cry.

"Who?" I ask him, "I haven't seen who?"

"Never mind, its nothing" He states. I was about to press him on the matter a bit more but Grover isn't looking at me anymore. He is staring out into the field trying to make out a large figure with one eye.

"Is that..?" he begins "Tyson!" Grover leaps forward to greet Tyson while I hang back

"Goat Boy!!!" Tyson yells as they run towards each other and meet in the middle for a hug like something out of a movie. They confer for a few minutes until Tyson looks over Grover's shoulder and notices me.

"Ahhhh!!!" he yells, still looking at me "ITS SCARY EMO DEATH BOY!!!" Tyson runs away from me while Grover chases after him.

"Alone again." I mutter to myself grumpily.

"Not for long..." a voice whispers in my ear. I look around but can't see anyone. "I've been looking forward to our reunion, Ghost King." I know he is talking to me even though no one ever really addresses me as Ghost King. "See you soon." I knew I recognised the voice from somewhere in my past but I just couldn't remember what it was. I wait for the voice to speak again but it doesn't.

~30 Minutes Later~

As the march up the hill begins I very much consider leaving and pretending that I had never been here. It would be easier that way. I didn't want to have to go up to Chiron on this day of joy and tell him about a spooky ghost speaking in my ear and telling me something's coming. Something bad. On the other hand though, this doesn't concern the rest of the camp and bringing my trouble here is only going to mess things up for everyone like it did last time. I finally make a decision and turn to leave when someone taps me on the shoulder. I pounce back from the jump scare. Human contact can catch me off guard sometimes seeing as I spend most of my time with floating, transparent souls.

"Hey, Nico," I finally pay attention to the person who was trying not to giggle at the fact that I jumped 5ft from being tapped on the shoulder. It was Percy, Percy Jackson.

"Are you coming in or are you just going to stand there?" I was going to tell Percy the truth about how unwelcome I felt but I didn't really want to share my feelings with someone who I only see a few times a year. Although, a few times a year is a lot more of me than people see of me nowadays. I also realise that now I have been greeted by Percy there was no way I could get away with disappearing.

Percy is walking me through the camp when I see my cabin. Cabin 13. I hadn't even thought about having to stay in my cabin. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to face being in there again since the incident. I try to find an excuse to turn around and go somewhere else but nothing comes to mind. Every step closer to the cabin, my lungs get tighter. Percy starts to notice.

"Are you alright?" Percy asks clearly worried for me. I can tell he's being nice to me mainly because we were both besties of Jason

"I don't think this was a good idea," I tell him, turning away from the cabin.

"Listen to me Nico. Everyone has forgiven you for what happened. Even Travis."

"And Connor?" I ask him already knowing the answer.

"Just go into the cabin Nico, I promise you will love it."

Hesitantly, I make my way to the front door. Everything looked the same as before I wasn't sure what Percy meant when he told me I would love it but so far I was definitely not loving it. I reach my trembling hand for the door knob when Percy stops me.

"Wrong door Nico," he says to me as he turns the corner around to the side of the cabin. I walk around the side and realise that the whole thing has gotten an extension. There was now a new room attached to it, one that wasn't quite as black as the rest of the building and had instead took on a more dark grey color. Painted on a plank of wood were two words NICO'S ROOM.

I couldn't believe it. They cared the other campers cared about making things better for me after what happened. When I walk into the room I notice that I am smiling for the first time in months. I look around see a classic teenager's bedroom that still retains my whole darkness theme.

There is a desk with a load of notebooks and sketchbooks ready for usage. There is a framed photograph of me and friends on the bedside table. Oh, and the bed, the bed is a incredible. It was soft and comfy, with black silk covers. It has a dark wooden frame with a large bedhead with an odd array of buttons. I decide not to ask about them and instead think about how much comfier this bed is than the one on the other side of the Hades cabin which was made of hallowed obsidian from the underworld.

"It's beautiful," I tell Percy, still in shock.

"You have to do one more thing," Percy says, "Close your eyes and lie down on the bed." I do as I am told, trusting Percy to safely direct me to my bed without bumping into anything on the way. I lay down, face up and Percy tells me to open my eyes. I am staring directly at a mural on the ceiling and I am shocked. A tear streaks down my cheek.

I was looking at a navy ceiling with a ton of painted white stars and in the center, painted skillfully was my sister, Bianca. She isn't dressed in her hunter's outfit or a camp half blood tee, instead she is simply wearing casual, human clothes. Her hair is tied in a singular braid that was hanging down the front of her left shoulder. She was leaning in with a kind smile and an outreached hand as if to help someone up after falling down.

I hadn't realised just how much I was crying. I didn't like how vulnerable it made me feel but I couldn't seem to stop myself.

"Who painted this?" I croaked

"I did," but it wasn't Percy who had responded to me. I turned around and saw Will Solace smiling at me. I put my feelings aside and hugged him.

"Thank you," I sob, "That's the first time anyone has recognized Bianca as anything other than a huntress or a daughter of Hades. That's the real her, that is my sister."

~4 Hours Later~

It is 5 o' clock and I am on my way to see if I can help prepare the Dining Pavilion for dinner. On my way, I decide to visit Cabin Eleven to talk with Travis Stoll. I slowly make my way to the cabin door trying to find the right words to say to him. I knock on the door, even though it wasn't much of a knock, more like a nervous tap. The door is opened by a tall figure with slick, black hair. It was Connor Stoll.

"You," He grumbles malevolently, looking like he wants to punch me. I couldn't really blame him though could I, "What do you want."

"I want to talk with Travis." The other Hermes campers notice me standing on their porch and start whispering frantically with each other.

"Why, so you can break his arms too!" he is furious now and I begin to think this wasn't so great an idea and step back to leave

"Connor, who's at the door?" a voice speaks from the back of the room and I know its Travis. But before anyone could say anything else the door slams shut in my face and I think I hear Connor telling Travis that it was nobody.

~1 Hour Later~

When everyone arrived at the dining pavilion for dinner, I was taken aback by the sheer amount of people standing there waiting for Chiron to speak. Mr. D commanded the group to....

"SHUT THE F$*k UP!!!" Everyone fell silent. "Thank you all for coming to this event and stuff. To the parents, can I just say that your kids are a joy, and it has been a pleasure to teach and train them everything I know over the last years. So if anyone would be kind enough to write a recommendation letter to Zeus about how my punishment deserves to be expedited a few decades please see to the pen and paper I have placed on that table."

"Alright, that's enough Mr D," Chiron managed to interrupt him before Mr D got the chance to convince people to get him some wine. Chiron continued with a much longer and more boring speech so I decide to step away for a few minutes. I see three people over by the Athena cabin. It is Annabeth and a short, middle-aged man with glasses who I assume is her father. They seem to be in a three-way argument with a Korean woman who looked like she could be Annabeth's step-mom. It ends with Annabeth storming into the woods and Dr. Chase trying to go after her but the woman holds him back. They turn toward the big house and make to leave the camp. I spot Percy look in Annabeth's direction trying to figure out what happened.

"Now let's eat!" I hear Chiron shout. Behind him is a large array of tables all in one line. No one was separated by Cabin like things usually are. Instead Anyone sits down anywhere. I am invited by Will, Leo and Percy to sit with them and shyly make my way over there. The tables were adorned with all kinds of meat, vegetables, sauces, stuffings and soups. I pick a small piece of chicken onto my plate alongside some carrots and peas.

"That's all your getting?" Will asks me curiously.

"For now, I'll grab some more later," I tell him through my teeth. Will nods his head but didn't really look like he was paying attention to me anymore. He is staring into the distance as if he's dreaming. It takes a few seconds but he eventually snaps out of it with a look of shock on his face

"We have to go, They're coming," he says looking more terrified than I'd ever seen anyone in my life.

"Who?" Leo asks urgently.

"My father sent me a vision. It was an army of stone warriors, marching up the hill," he is shaking now "they are on there way and... they just killed Annabeth's parents"

This Chapter is dedicated to Ella

#solangelo #the sun and the star #pjo headcanon #blood of olympus #percy jackson fanart #camp half blood #the heroes of olympus #piper mclean #tsats #rick riordan

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larrysballetslippers · 3 years

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Hey, I saw you write fictions. Could you help me understand how to go about writing fictions and what are the basic steps? I want to write a larry fiction but english isn't my first language and my vocabulary isn't advanced. I, however, do want to give a try maybe a short fiction. How do formulate a fiction? I have some ideas but I can't divide them into chapters and generate enough scenes. I have tried to write sometimes but it's always a dead end and I don't know to proceed.

Personally I like how read story where there's seeding in every chapter with some backstory which gradually gets revealed. I am into a/b/o phase right now and want to write a good story with basic yet great plotline which keep my readers hooked.

I have so many questions to ask. Sorry for this long ask and Thank you if you respond.

Hey sweetie. How do I say this without sounding self-deprecating? I'm still a beginner, I technically wrote two fics. I'm currently working on my first "advanced" fic, which means I'm still learning, A LOT. I can't really be a teacher right now, but I can give you some tips. I can help you with what I learned since I started writing and link some good blogs/posts. This is going to be long, so cut.

First, some tips.

1. There are so many superior writers out there, but everyone has to start somewhere.

You can't start writing with the idea you're the greatest writer on the planet. I wrote down my first story when I was eight. Did it have a good plot? No. Did it have well thought out characters? Absolutely not. Did I make a story inspired by my favourite superhero show? Yes. It was probably 300 words max and with horrible grammar. I'm a very imaginative person, so I make stories up in my head, but that was the first one I wrote down. I haven't written much since then, just some school projects and little things here and there. I only started really writing in April, I think. It was rough, but fun. It was a canon-compliant story, so it didn't need that much planning out, I thought. When I finished, I was so proud. Then I started my second fic and I realized my first wasn't the best. I was so sad when I read it back, disappointed it didn't turn out the way I had in mind. But I shook it off, realized it was my first fic, EVER. So I shouldn't put myself down. You have to start writing to get good, you can't expect to be Jane Austin without putting one word down. Don't COMPARE yourself to others.

2. Plot is never truly original.

Like music, there isn't somsthing like an original plot. Everything is taken from something else. Every plot in the world has taken inspiration from somewhere else. You can write an a/b/o fic with a spy theme, it's very clever, but not original. You've taken an a/b/o plot and combined it with a spy plot. Don't be afraid to write a cliche plot, it's about the way you write it. That's why no two fics are the same, the writer is different.

3. Find a beta you trust.

When I first started the first part of my fic (it was a series), I didn't know what a beta really did, so I asked someone to correct my grammar and that was that. In the second and third part of that fic I didn't even do that, I tried to correct everything myself. Part 4 of my series I asked a beta to help me, it was wonderful. It's the best part of my whole fic and I'm forever grateful for that beta. We weren't the best match, so we couldn't continue working together. The fic I'm writing now is much longer than anything I ever written, so I needed a good and available beta. I found one, the angel of all angels. You need to find someone that will help you with your story, but also encourage when you feel like complete trash. Believe me, you will. It's important you have someone to brainstorm with and laugh with over your your character's dumb jokes.

4. Your English is better than you think.

I'm not a native English speaker, shocker right? No, I'm joking, I'm not the best. BUT I'm understandable, right? That's important. You don't need to have fancy words to write a story. Use the words you know and if you want to improve your vocabulary, do that, with time. You don't need to be an native speaker in a day, it takes time. I'll link some good sites for vocabulary.

5. Read more fics

A good way to improve your vocabulary, read more fics. You clearly enjoy it, use it to improve yourself. Not only for vocabulary but for the plot, characterization, world-building, etc. Take in the things you want to remember, forget the rest.

6. Copy and paste

Maybe a bad thing to say, but copy and paste things you like. If there's a sentence in a fic or book you like, copy it. Of course, don't just paste it in your fic, but take inspiration out of it. Why do you like it so much? Why does it come over so good? Any words you want to use? Is the structure of the sentence appealing? Think about it, so you can improve your fic. Especially with areas you struggle with, take a look at other works.

7. Smut is scary, but don't be scared to try.

Is smut something you want to write? You don't have to, but if you want, don't be scared. As someone who wrote two smut scenes in her life, I'm struggling, but I'm trying. Take all the tips above this and just try. Things may go terribly wrong, but that's why you're practising.

8. Research research research!

Things like smut, fantasy, minority groups. You can't just write about it without any knowledge, research it. Articles, youtube videos, blogs on tumblr, etc. A simple kiss scene can be difficult if you have no knowledge about it, read people's first kiss stories or something like that. Want to try and write BDSM, read about it on a BDSM blog. Research the heck out of it.

9. Just to say it again. DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF WITH OTHERS.

Just to summarise, you're you, don't try to be someone else. You're writing style isn't worse than someone else's, it's just different. It makes your work recognisable, your text original, your hours of writing easier. Someone told me I can write young people really well, I owned it. Find what you're good at and own it.

Now that I have given you some important tips to start, I'll answer your question. How to go about writing fiction?

Everyone is different first of all, so please don't take my word for it. This is my routine, I just made up.

1. What do you want to write?

Is it your own idea, a prompt, a fic fest, an exchange?

2. What universe does take part in?

Does take place in the real world or a fantasy world? The past, present or future? Realistic or supernatural? Which country?

3. What is the goal?

Are they supposed to be lovers at the end? Do they have to defeat something/someone? A quest? Where do you want to end the story?

4. Where does it start?

Where does your story start? At the birth of your characters? In the future and you work your way back? In the middle? When your important characters meet each other for the first time?

5. What does it take to get from start to finish?

What happens in the story? What developments happen? Is it a road trip and your characters need to get closer, how do they do that?

6. What are some subplots you want to add?

Are there things that don't really matter for your goal, but you want to add? Friends to lovers but maybe they help someone's mom out one day.

7. Who are your characters?

Their personalities, appearances, quirks, relationships.

8. Who is the protagonist?

Who is the story about? Who is the main character?

9. In whose point of view is it?

Who is telling the story? You, the protagonist, the love interest, a random bystander, etc?

10. Outline.

Write down what you want to do with your story. Every scene needs to be written down. You can always change it of course.

11. Write, write and write.

Take all the tips and write.

I want to give you some links I always use. I will also recommend some blogs.

This tool lets you describe a concept and get back a list of words and phrases related to that concept: https://www.onelook.com/thesaurus/

This article about body language: https://www.writerswrite.co.za/cheat-sheets-for-writing-body-language/

This tumblr post about body language: https://badassunicorn2016.tumblr.com/post/145725344712/writing-tip-june-4th

This article for alternatives for 'said': https://owlcation.com/humanities/400-Alternative-words-for-said

This tumblr post about writing smut: https://larryficsvol28.tumblr.com/post/660062510531182592/smut-101-a-tutorial-for-beginners

This tumblr post about how to make smut sound sexy:https://larryficsvol28.tumblr.com/post/658604597068365824/making-smut-sound-sexy

This tumblr post about turning ideas into a story: https://larryficsvol28.tumblr.com/post/659430707796557824/i-get-lots-of-ideas-for-stories-which-are-just

I have some blogs you can follow that talk about writing.

This podcast blog @roseanddaggerpodcast

This blog has a podcast too and some good fic recs @allwaswell16

These writing blogs @ficsex @writingquestionsanswered @bhficfest https://wordsnstuffblog.com/

Some veterans writers and also have some good fic recs @twopoppies @justalarryblog @kingsofeverything @louandhazaf @hershelsue @lululawrence @pocketsunshineharry @fearlesslysweetcreature @indiaalphawhiskey

I hope I could help you a little. In some weird way I helped myself, hehe. I hope you can finally write the story you want. If you ever have any questions, just come by. I don't know if I can always help you, but I'll try!! Good luck!!

#writing tips #mine #I'm so honoured someone would ask me this #I hope I could help #anon asks #asks #I hope there are no typos in this thing #look at me giving advice 😌😌

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obeiii-mee · 4 years

Note

How will the bros react to MC self-doubting themselves? Like saying bad things about them or can't be serious someone give them compliment.

Supportive demon bois coming right up! Sorry I took so long to write this anon! Thank you so much for the ask! (Also, thank you all for the love on my previous posts!)

————————————

The Brothers with an MC who self doubts themselves:

Lucifer:

-As the embodiment of pride itself, Lucifer has an overwhelming amount of confidence, almost all the damn time

-So, he was flabbergasted to learn that you weren’t the same

-He always insisted that you aren’t anything but perfect, yet you always seemed to brush the compliments off with a shrug and an awkward smile

-Well, shit, we can’t have that

-Lucifer just got 10x more serious about the matter

-He pulls a really stupid concerned face whenever you insult yourself and he looks more and more like a 48 year old man/dad each time it happens

-He, as of late, increased the number of pet names he has for you and the amount of compliments he gives you each day

-He refuses to let you talk badly about yourself anywhere, at any point in time and encourages every little step you take towards bettering yourself like crazy

- Lucifer wants to prove to you that you are an absolute ray of sunshine and he will go to any lengths to do just that (do not ask)

-He’s even more affectionate than usual which confuses just about everyone in the House of Lamentation, yourself included

-His brothers are feeling a disturbance in the force and they don’t know how to feel about it

-You are possibly the best thing that’s happened to him since he fell as angel and Lucifer is ready to do whatever he can to help you realise that

Mammon:

-“You’re an idiot!”

-“*Sigh*, I know.”

-“Wha-Wait! Y-you can’t say thAT!”

-The Great Mammon is seriously worried about his human

-Being the dense motherfucker he is (i still love him tho) it took him weeks to realise you’re not all that confident in yourself

-At some point in your relationship, he jokingly called you annoying and you just went “Yeah I’ve been told. Sorry.”

-His jaw literally dropped and he almost cried

-He would have choked if he was drinking something

-Tsundere Mammon has gone bye bye and here comes the cuddling teddy bear that is your boyfriend

-He also doesn’t have as much self love for himself as he sometimes pretends to have so he’s kinda in the same boat

-Which means your boat is leaking and you’re perfectly fine with it while he’s panicking and trying to throw water overboard with his hands

-His brothers call him an idiot a lot but he’s a very sociable guy with people skills that he uses all the time in order to coax you out of your self pitiying shell

-Will whine every time you call yourself ‘useless’ or disagree with his compliments because what the hell, you’re literally the most gorgeous being ever let me love youuuu

-When it comes to you and your happiness, he ain’t fucking around. He will snarl at anyone that even looks at you in the wrong way

-Did that to Lucifer once, guess a what happened

-You’ve definitely helped him come to terms with the fact that he is loveable and not a good for nothing scum

-So now it’s your turn!

-Let him kiss your insecurities away please

-Your presence makes him feel wanted so he wants the same for you!

Levi:

-Well then

-It takes two to tango ya know?

-He is the KING of self loathing and no confidence whatsoever in anything he does so every time you put yourself down, he counters it with a self deprecating insult as well

-“I suck.”

-“Nah, you’re pretty awesome normie. I’m the shut in, disgusting otaku who can barely set foot outside his bedroom without having an anxiety attack.”

-It’s like you’re trying to outdo the other on who is worse

-Truth is, he really admires you, especially knowing you chose to date him; an anime nerd with no social life and no communication skills whatsoever

-It hurts a bit, every time he builds up the courage to actually compliment you and you not taking it seriously

-That’s because he recognises that he’s the same and just as harsh on himself as you are

-Levi knows self hatred is something that takes time to demolish

-But you are his Henry after all (also his partner but whatevs)

-He’s not gonna leave you hanging when you need him the most

-He also gradually stops calling you a normie as your relationship progresses, though it still slips through every now and again

-Basically, the first time he realised that you think negatively of yourself, his immediate reaction was: Haha lmao relatable

-But now, every time it happens, he gets all serious

-Puts his controller down and everything, it’s like witnessing a very rare phenomenon and it’s creepy as shit

-He’s also made an effort to be more physically affection though he is kinda shy about it because damn it he just wants to hug you every time you speak badly of yourself

-Probably writes a list at some point stating all the reasons why you are better than him and Ruri chan combined, it’s rlly sweet

Satan:

-He’s a bit curious as to where that mentality has come from

-What triggered you to be so self doubtful?

-He’s basically your psychotherapist and asks you a lot of questions trying to find different causes and solutions for your issues

-Honestly, he puts so much effort into trying to understand, reading books about it from the human realm and whatever he can find in order to help you

-He scrunches up his nose every time you call yourself an idiot or anything of the sort

-Satan knows that insisting you’re wonderful won’t exactly help you overcome this problem of yours

-But that doesn’t stop him from doing it

-It’s not like you can ignore his comments because he will keep complimenting you until you accept them

-He also repeats a lot of pick up lines but that’s just part of being his partner

-What do you mean you’re worthless?!! He would literally give away all of his books and his hatred for Lucifer in exchange for your well being!

-Satan is possibly the smartest out of all of his brothers, so he uses a tactical approach on this one

-Direct affectionate gestures don’t work on you so he’s gonna be more subtle

-Would slightly hint that you are amazing every time you do something for him, like fetching him a book or something

-“Ah thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you love.”

-He’s a lot smoother than he gives himself credit for

-He just appreciates your existence and that there’s someone out there that he doesn’t need to be act hostile or fake toward

-Satan is ready to sit down and listen to you talk about your insecurities for hours on end

-You would quietly say something bad about yourself and he would run through the House of Lamentation before bursting into the room you are in, shouting ‘No! That’s wrong!’ (going Danganronpa on your asses)

-“Welp, I fucked up again. I can’t do anything right.”

-And then, in the distance you hear boss music starting

Asmo:

-*Shocked Gasp*

-How could you say such things about yourself???? Is that even leGAl?

-Of course, the literally prince of Lust, with all of his narcissism, has never experienced things like ‘self doubt’ of ‘bad self esteem’

-Pfft, the fuck is that?

-He only uses the most positive of words when he describes himself

-So obviously he almost falls off the bed when he hears you insulting yourself for the first time

-But ya know, that would leave bruises on his beautiful skin

-“Oh darling, you’re not annoying or a moron! You’re not anything like Mammon!”

-That was a below belt fatal hit, press f in the chat for the second eldest

-At some point, he just genuinely believes you’ve been spending too much time with Levi and that his negativity started rubbing off on you

-But then you tell him you’ve always been like this and he almost has a crisIS

-He’s like ‘Haha, no, we’re going to get a spa day out tomorrow and a few shopping sprees so I can prove to you that you are magnificent in every way imaginable.’

-Asmo loves pampering you in general but on the days he sees you feeling extra sorry for yourself, he goes above and beyond

-Gets very hurt when you brush off his compliments because he just wants you to accept the fact that you’re beautiful

-He’s like a supportive mom lmao, whenever you’re feeling self doubtful, he goes “You’re doing great sweetie, keep it up I’m really proud of you.”

-It’s up to you to decide whether that helps or not

-He’s such a sweetheart in reality, it’s hard to remember that he’s supposed to be horny all the time

-Well he is but that’s not the point, you’re way more important

-Asmo is so much fun to write cuz I can make him so dramatic it’s hilarious

Beel:

-Oh no :(

-He gets very sad everytime you self deprecate yourself

-You can’t do it with him in the room because he’s going to start crying and give you this kicked puppy stare, it will break your heart

-Beel kinda comes over and goes “If I give you some of my food will you please stop saying bad things about yourself? Because it’s not true.”

-Well you can’t say no to that face

-He feels like it’s his fault you’re this self doubtful even though you’ve tried to explain to him you’ve always been like this

-He goes crying to his twin half the time because he doesn’t know what to do

-“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to drop it! Fucking hell, I’m such a fucking klutz.”

-“Sniffle no you’re not.”

-He’s like, giving you large portions of his food now

-Because food makes him happy so he wants you to be happy too

-🙂

-His brothers go in shock every time because the only other person Beel has ever shared his food with before was Belphie

-Physical affection goes through the roof with this guy

-Bone crushing hugs btw

-Your self worth is so immeasurable with him, you can’t even measure it

-W h o a

-I’m being serious, don’t talk badly about yourself in front of him unless you want to be hugged into next week

-You are a literal angel in his eyes, of course he thinks highly of you

-He’s just hoping his presence isn’t making your self esteem worse, that’s the thing that keeps him up at night

-Idk why but he does think that he is a bad influence on your mental well being since he’s a demon

-Beel gives you compliments all the time and it confuses him when you laugh them off uncertainly because he wasn’t joking or lying??

-He’s always supportive of your choices and encourages you to be more confident

-The same way you show your support everytime you come to his games to cheer him on

-Overall, he just wants you to feel special and appreciated

-Because you deserve it

-IneedmyselfaBeel

Belphie:

-He feels like absolute shit

-Becuase he’s well aware he‘s called you a few...not so nice words in the past

-Back then, he only thought he meant everything he said but now that he’s hearing you accept his insults and actually repeating them yourself?

-It hurts his brain and he wants to smash his head against all four walls of the room for being such a cretin

-You do tell him it’s not exactly his fault you think so badly of yourself

-But he still believes he fueled it

-So now he needs to fix it

-He’s tried everything and I mean everything

-It’s kinda working, slow progress is made which he’s really happy about but you know, it’s gonna take a while

-He finally settles on physical affection as the best way to communicate his gratefulness for you being youself

-Oh, he wasn’t hugging you before? He is now, get your ass next to him and let him cuddle you

-Handholding has increased by 69% in the last month, sorry for the loss of your right hand with how much he squeezes it

-Sometimes, he can’t help but a throw an insult at you in a playful manner, because he’s an asshole

-But he always makes sure you understand that he was just joking

-He’s such a little shit, you would be having a chat with him and you would subtly drop a insult at yourself hoping he wouldn’t notice

-But then he stops dead in his tracks, kisses you, says “Shut up, you’re stunning” and then he goes right back to the previous conversation like nothing happened

-Accept his compliments damn it otherwise he will continue to bug you about it for the rest of the day

-He’s an eboy and he’s a dickhead a times, but he just goes soft for you tbh

-If you’re feeling really bad about yourself, he won’t even say anything

-He will just big spoon you for the next 24 hours, good luck going to the bathroom or any meals during that time

-Because once you’re in his grip, you’re not getting out that easily

-He gets so pissy if anyone says something even slightly negative about you to your face

-One time, a random demon called you stupid in one of the classes at RAD and he was like ‘bïtch excuse me what?’

-Snapped his head around at him and everything

-He would have done something worse but he was lazy and feeling really petty

-So Belphie kicked him in the privates from under his desk like a damn spoiled brat

-And then he turned his head back to you, all smiles and rainbows and puppies

-I’m simping so hard for a fictional character wtf

-I had to write more protective Belphie cuz I can’t find anything of the sort anymore and I need flUFF

(Haha, I don’t know what this post is, my writing has officially taken a shit lmao. Sorry this took so long to finish, I kept going back to edit all of them)

Al~

#obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #⭐️ requests #🌸 comfort #☂️ demon brothers

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whitestaghere · 3 years

Text

Don't be late - Levi x reader

Hey!! So I had this in my drafts for a while and finally decided I'd continue with it.. Happy reading❤️

Warnings :- none xd.

Y/n's pov

Waking upto the sound of my alarm I groaned; mindlessly patting the air to turn it off. Stretching my arms and legs, with eyes half closed I looked back at my clock. Still trying to adjust to the lighting, my eyes widened when the display cleared up.

7.54 a.m

Screaming I jumped off my bed.

Now.. imagine a human, spinning like a hurricane and circling a room? Yeah that's an actual representation of what I looked right now.

Normally, I'd not wake up this late. But today.. today was different. Let's just say I had a long night talking with my best friend, which ended up with me sleeping in really late and well here I am now. Besides who could reject a call from their best friend am I right?

Dashing out of my house (reader locked the doors, yes she did) I shot down the streets. Thanking the heavens that I was able to run this fast; then again, that also had it's downsides. I managed to avoid running face first into a lamppost but in the midst of dodging that, I ran into something else.

Huh.. not that hard for a lamppost..

Stumbling backwards and losing my balance, I met with the cold ground. I groaned as I thought of how my day could get any worse.

"Tch. Watch we're your going," a male voice spoke.

Standing up slowly I dusted my clothes mumbling a string of apologies, "I'm sorry I was running late an-"

My breath hitched as I locked eyes with the man in front of me; steel gray orbs glaring daggers at me. He was clad in a black suit, jet black hair slightly toussled and he wore a crav- wait-

That's when I noticed how I was a few inches taller than him. It took every ounce of energy within me to hold back my laughter; no height idealogies but with that stoic expression and this height, he looked absolutely adorable.

I was broken out of my thoughts when he scoffed; I had been staring.

I shifted uncomfortably as he continued to keep his piercing gaze on me.

"Are you going to move?" voice laced with annoyance.

I raised an eyebrow at his words, what does he mean? He had all the time and space to-

"You're blocking the door," I turned around and realised that I was indeed blocking his way.

"S-sorry," I mumbled shuffling to the side.

His expression remained stoic as ever even as he got ready to walk away but he stopped abruptly. I watched as he bent down and picked something.

"You dropped this," he turned around holding out a book. I gasped recognising the cover, "oh my- thank you."

"Don't mention it brat," I reached out to take the book from him all the whole giving him a look of disbelief.

"Hey you can't call me that.. and yes I should mention it, because my friend would have thrown a tantrum had I lost her book," suddenly realisation struck me and my eyes nearly fell out their sockets.

WHAT WAS I DOING?! I was wasting time, that's what I was doing!!

So I ran, without a word I turned around and ran, leaving behind a very confused man.

Levi's pov

Next thing I know, she ran.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, but decided to brush it off; only then did I notice the book in my hands.

Tch that brat, how could she be so forgetful?

Sighing I contemplated going after her or hoping that I'd see her sometime later so I could return it. I went with the second seeing that she was already long gone.

*time skip brought to you by the fidget spinnerrrrr*

There I was in the local tea shop sipping on my usual cup of tea.

What I loved about this place was how calming it was, not too crowded, the fresh smell of tea and coffee filling the air, making me feel at ease, but not today. Today was different.

My gaze kept shifting between the book I was reading and the book that belonged to the girl from before.

I had gone with the second option of hoping I'd see her again or that I'd find any details in the book, but to my luck I found nothing of the sort.

How was I supposed to return this thing? I can't just leave it can I?

I sighed running a hand through my hair, "shit."

The sound of the little bell filled through the air signaling either someone's entrance or departure. Not wanting to look I kept my eyes locked on my book.

Suddenly there was a voice, an all too familiar one which broke me out of my own world. I glanced up from my book and caught sight of a very familiar face.

Hanje.

By her side stood two other girls, engaging in a conversation with her. The bell filled the air again, and in came a girl with (h/c) locks.

My eyes widened, was that her?

I hadn't seen her face yet but sure enough it had to be her, she had the same hair length and wore the same attire from before.

Once again I debated with myself, should I just go upto her and give her it? Maybe I should just wait till she sees me..

She turned around and sat a few tables away from me, still she hadn't noticed. Her two friends and Hanje had disappeared off to somewhere.

This is my chance

Y/n's pov

I couldn't help but sigh in frustration, how could I have been so forgetful? He literally held the book in front of me and I left without it.

My mind was mangled with the same image of him holding out the book to me repeating over and over. Then it stopped, it stopped right on his face and I felt the heat rush up to my cheeks.

What was I thinking? I mean he's a complete stranger, who also not to mention, called me a brat, I shouldn't be so flustered. As if on cue, the book came back into my mind and I rolled my eyes at my own forgetfulness.

It was right there.

I kept my gaze locked on the table, too stuck in my own self-pity to notice the person that stood right in front of me. Then there was a book pushed into my line of sight.

Great, now you're hallucinating y/n.

There was a clear of throat and I snapped my head up. Wait I wasn't imagining it-

For the second time that day, I locked eyes with him.

"You forgot this."

I stood up immediately causing the chair to scrape against the floor. The man visibly cringed at the sound and I began to stammer upon my words.

"Y-YOU! My b-book! How? How did you- no no wait- thank you so much!"

Placing the book on the table I turned to him and took his hands in mine, "you're a life saver I tell you!!"

He only stood there in shock; although I wasn't sure if I was seeing things, his cheeks were tinted a faint pink.

"Don't mention it," with that he returned to his stoic expression.

The air around us was beginning to get awkward with none of us moving or saying a word.

Finally deciding to break the silence I cleared my throat, "I-I'm y/n.. what's your name?"

"Levi."

I coughed awkwardly at his blunt reply, the sound of my heart thumping suddenly filling my ears.

"We're back! Y/n-" relief washed over me at the return of my friends but that relief disappeared just as fast as it came.

They stood there eyes wide and mouths agape.

I felt a tug at my hands and that's when I noticed how I still had Levi's hands intertwined with mine. Gasping I slipped my hands out of his and moved away slowly.

"Y/n? You didn't tell us you had a boyfriend.." I widened my eyes at this and waved my hands frantically in their awe struck faces, "what noo!! He-he's just-"

What was I supposed to call him? We just met, so I couldn't call him a friend. At my loss of words my friends smirked mischievously.

Then a loud voice boomed through the shop causing a few heads to turn in our direction, "LEVI?!!!! SHORTY IS THAT REALLY YOU?!"

Hanje knew him?

Levi scoffed at her in response.

"Oh my gosh! Well isn't this a big coincidence, are you really dating little y/n here? Why didn't you tell meeee?!" she poked Levi's cheeks repeatedly.

"Tch, keep it down four eyes and no, we're just friends," Levi grunted swatting her hands away. I choked on my own spit and glanced at him immediately.

He gave me a look and I instantly nodded my head in agreement, "yeah, we're friends.." I tried to bite back the smile that crawled up my face at his words.

My friends shrugged and made their way back to sit down. Meanwhile, Hanje nudged at me curious to know why I hadn't told her I knew Levi.

"Well you see-"

"We met today," Levi cut me off.

Hanje let out a hearty laugh and patted my back, "well isn't that nice! Now y/n, shorty here can be a little bit of a grumpy man sometimes so I must warn you, but overall he's an absolute bab-"

"Oi that's more than enough four eyes," Levi hissed and Hanje laughed in reply.

She moved her glasses to a side to wipe away her fake tears and continued, "but y/n here is an angel, so shorty you better not treat her wrong or I don't think I would even need to come when she unleashes her inner bea-"

"HANJE," I whined tugging at her arm in attempt to stop her. She grinned in response and pinched my cheeks, "well I'm going to go make our orders okay? I'll see you later Shorty!" with that she ran off to the counter.

"Thank you for that Levi," I smiled to which he only replied with a grunt.

"You thanked me enough for today brat."

I rolled my eyes at the nickname, "I told you not to call me that."

"Tch," with that he walked back to his table not sparing a second glance.

Levi's pov

Snap out of it Levi, you've done your job now read in peace.

I stared at my book finding myself reading the same sentence over and over. Glancing up from my book a little I'm met with the not so subtle looks of y/n's friends.

Why were they looking at me like that? I noticed how Hanje had a smug grin on her face and I rolled my eyes.

What was she smiling about?

My gaze shifted towards y/n who was listening intently to one of the girls. Suddenly the room felt too hot to my liking and I reached for my cravat, loosening it a bit. My breathing increased a little as her (e/c) eyes met mine.

She gave me a warm smile to which I felt my gaze automatically begin to soften.

What's wrong with me? Snap out of it Levi.

Soon enough I heard them get up.

Don't look.

But I couldn't help it.

Eyeing them as subtly as possible I realised they were going to leave as they picked their things up. I tore my gaze off and returned back to my book with a sigh.

Y/n's pov

"Say do you like Levi?"

I choked on nothing but air, "Hanje! What? Noo! I just met him and that would just be wierd-"

"Oh so you're saying you'd like him in time?"

"No wait what? I mean I-" I couldn't find the words to reply to her and seeing this she took the opportunity to give me a proud smile.

"Guys, we should leave.." Riley spoke up as she looked out the window.

"What why?" Hanje frowned.

"It's going to rain and it's a little bit of a walk back to y/n's place right?"

I hummed in agreement seeing as the sky was getting gloomy by the second. Everyone got up and gathered their things and headed for the door.

I stood up last and just as I was about to leave I heard a voice call out for me.

"Oi, are you really going to leave it again?" I saw Levi walking upto me.

"Huh? Leave what?"

He pointed at the table and I noticed a book on it, but not the same one. This one belonged to Hange.

"Oh that's Hanje's she must have forgotten it," I reached out for the book and simultaneously, he did the same.

I pulled my hand away as soon as it landed on his, but he swiftly took my hand in his. With the other he rummaged through his pocket and stuffed a piece of paper in my hand.

"What's this?"

"See for yourself."

I unfolded the paper slowly and when I did, I swear my heart skipped a beat. I tried my best to swallow the lump in my throat, and force some words out.

"W-what is this?"

"Tch. What do you think?"

"I-"

"You what?"

"I-yes.."

For the first time that day, I saw the corner of his lips curl into a small smile. It was a smile that lasted only for a few seconds alright, but it was enough to make my heart flutter.

"I'll see you later brat.." he walked past me towards the counter but not before calling out for me once more.

"Oh and y/n?" he looked at me over his shoulder.

"Hmm?"

"Don't be late," he said with a hint of playfulness in his voice.

I shook my head with a quiet laugh glancing down at the paper in my hands;

Tomorrow noon, here. For tea? - Levi

Hope you all enjoyed❤️ stay safe and keep smiling..

Ps :- I can't wait for Season 4 part 2!!! 😭❤️ So excited to see all of them again, though we really are in for a lot🥺💕

⚔️Shinzou wo sasageyo⚔️

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aiyexayen · 2 years

Note

Ship askmeme: Parker/Vin :D

gasp. THIEF4THIEF. inspired.

1. What are your initial thoughts for this ship?

that i love it already, turning it over in my mind and looking at it like a shiny rock just plucked up off the riverbank. two aggressively competent, socially terrifying criminals who are good at Sneaking. incredible.

2. What would make this an interesting ship?

it already is.

they are so alike but not identical.

both of them orphans, both of them skilled beyond reason to the point of standing out against others in their profession, both having been trained by less than great people growing up. both of them desperate for found family, both of them utterly unfamiliar with the concept of trusting someone outside themself.

but they're different enough skillwise, with parker's specific techniques and skillsets and tech based around high profile heists and acheiving extremely acrobatic feats as a non-allomantic. and vin, well, being a mistborn. but a really fucking good one with what she accomplished even before kelsier's training.

vin also worked with crews a lot, and has more observation-deduction tendencies. parker has more independence. vin is better at being invisible and quiet in a room of people, and parker is better at boiling down truths and speaking her mind.

i think parker is more bold, and more shamelessly open about her attachments. the journey to trust is a long one but i think claiming something/someone as hers and then deciding it needs to be so--following her intuition in a socially positive way--comes more quickly. and i think vin is more skeptical and ruled by her insecurities for longer, recognising any kind of claiming and attachment as emotionally dangerous. they'll both fuck anyone up over what's theirs once they have staked that claim, though.

vin is also, crucially, a killer. parker is not a killer. what tension.

3. Congratulations, I ship it now.

i definitely do. i want to see them meet and slowly form an incredible team that pulls all kinds of mindblowing heists, arguing as often as they agree because they're sometimes just a shade too alike. i want to see parker claiming vin quickly and vin acting the part of the distrustful cat about it, but then parker taking off after an argument with her more mercurial moods and capacity for independence and vin realising she's grown attached too but that was dumb because this is proof you can't trust people. and then parker slinking back like nothing happened and vin just--oh. maybe you can.

i want to see them fall in love without yet knowing how to trust each other with that level of vulnerability and attempt to work through it. i want to see them join a crew together and watch that found family dynamic settle into all the sharp awkward edges of their love to help them be human.

i want parker to get stuck where even she can't get out and vin to raze the place to get to her. i want vin to get stuck without backup metals and parker show up with her fancy gear and some quips about relying on magic.

i want banter and kissing and crime and shadows and blades and swirling cloaks and skintight bodysuits and drama and character growth and i want it now.

#vin #mistborn #parker #leverage #my meta

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startreckobsessed · 4 years

Text

Let you go

Hi! Can i make a request? 🥺 For AOS Leonard Mccoy? With a lil bit of TOS Old Spock. Should probably set on Into Darkness, Bones and reader broke up between the event of the first and second film, so bones was a bit unbothered to flirt with Dr.Marcus (he’s trying to make reader jealous). Old spock talk them out of their misery by telling them that they’re story was quiet unique because in his timeline they didn’t even met, so they should cherish it. (Or whatever, as long as spock intervenes). They talk, and made up. And oh, fluff. Emotional tear jerking fluff. Thank you thank you!!

I have this idea (this was supposed to be a different request, but hey! ), that reader used to date and was in love with this hotshot before she met Leonard. Said ex died in action as a honored captain. Reader was devistated. Again this was supposed a different request, but you can make it as a back story. Can i make this my second request? Hehe 🥺😅

@lykxzandlove Thank you for requesting darling, and thanks for your patience, this one really faught me haha. If you recognise some of the dialogue it's from thirteen reasons why.

Warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST. I may or may not have cried while writing this.

[[READ MORE]]

You stood in rank dressed in your grey uniform, cap framing your line of vision, shoulder to shoulder between checkov and Sulu as you gazed up at the podium where captain pike was speaking.

"Exceptional courage, is what drives us....

And our crew, is what fuels us..."

Your crew had just finished the first two year leg of your mission. A long two years...

"Let's take a moment to pay tribute to past captain's whom have made the ultimate sacrifice..." the images roll, and a firmiliar face flashed before your eyes and you suck in a breath, squeazing your eyes shut to keep your tears at bay.

You breath out carefully out of your nose, trying desperately to keep the sudden onslaught of emotions contained.

People told you time would numb it, but even give years later, the pain was still fresh and raw each and every time you heard his name, or saw his picture pop up in your records.

You gritted your teeth, struggling to ground yourself in this moment, focusing on your feet on the ground.

You blinked harshly, lifting your face and focusing your attention on captain Pike.

You don't fail to notice the doctors face turned toward you, no doubt brows mashed together over concerned eyes. The urge to meet his eyes and sink into their depths is nearly overpowers your will, but you hold strong, chin high.

------

You had never meant to fall for Leonard. You were deep in it before you even realised what was happening. You were complacent with where you were, some people go their entire lives without knowing true love, you got yours. You didn't feel the need for a new one. But there he came, blazing and true like a comment blasting across the black abyss your crew so faithfully piloted. It happened so naturally, slipping through your defences so you never noticed it.

Until it was too late, and both of you had been wounded in the process.

----

"Sweetheart?" Leonard called from behind you. You cursed silently, slowly turning to face him, trying to keep the guilt off your face as you turned to face him. "You should probably stop calling me that.." You said softly. He frowned, and not the way you liked when he was being sardonic or adorably frustrated with the captain, this one was real.

"Sorry." He said "habit. Are you alright? You left the ceremony yesterday so quickly..." you shake your head, looking away from him. "Fine, I'm fine." You said, swiftly turning and walking away from him. He frowned, looking after you, not noticing his hand was slightly extended, reaching out for you.

------

Later that day, you made your way down to the mess hall, spotting the old Ambasseter Spock, sitting alone by a window. You go through and get your food before approaching the table, greeted by a warm smile.

"Hello ambassator, " you awenered with your own. "Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all Y/N. Your company has always always been welcome." You sit down across from him. "Do tell me, how is the good doctor doing." Your fork freezes near your mouth before you set it down. "Oh, I don't know." He frowns deeply.

"I can't imagine why not." He says. "We-" your voice cracks. You clear your throat. "Were not together anymore." Suprise flits crosses his face.

"Well, now that can't be right." He says. You grimace, "I know, nothing feels right anymore, it's like reality has been tilted on its hinges, but..."

"If you don't mind me prying..." He prompts. "Go ahead, you can ask."

"What caused the separation?"

"me." You say thickly. Unexpectedly he reaches across the table and pats your hand in a grandfatherly gesture.

"And by my estimation, you do not seem satisfied with the conclusion, correct?" You hesitate before nodding. "Then mabey its time to rethink that course of action?" Your eyes widen before you look down at the table, shame radiating off of you. "I can't do that, I've already hurt him too bad, I still hurt him." You grimace, thinking of the encounter in the hallway. "I don't know how to stop hurting him." You say, more to yourself than to him.

"Then perhapse it's time to discover what is hurting you." He says. You look away into the porthole, into the black inky abyss that you sometimes wished would swallow you up.

"You know, you two are a remarkable pair." You look at him quissicly. "What makes you say that?" "In every universe I've traveled there are differences, the events in a person's life, and how they react to them, shape who they become. In every universe a different set of events happen in both of your lives, and yet every single time, one of the only constants I find are both of you coming together, no matter the space or the time nor the obstacles placed before you, the one constant is your souls coming together. And from what I can tell, it hurts your souls to be apart."

Question bubbles to your lips, but you silence it. "Ask your question, Y/N." You smile grimly. "You know me too well." "Well I've only had two lifetimes to know you."

"Where you come from... what are we like?" He smiles fondly, memories coming back to him. He sighs in a melancholy way.

"Your other self passed on just a few months ago, from a human ailement not yet curable, he blames himself for not being able to save you." Your eyes widened before blinking in shock. "Wow, thats... God how is he?" He frowns even more deeply. "Trying to go day by day, but losing someone one loves so deeply for so long... is not an easy thing to accommodate to." "Well whats.." many questions bubble to your lips at once before deciding on one. "I-Is he alone?" You ask, voice cracking. He shakes his head. "The good captain has come to earth to stay with hm, along with your daughter and grandchildren." "Joanna?" He smiles just slightly. "Well I couldn't give everything away could I?" You bark out a teary laugh and he chuckles. "But time, is so very precious my dear, you yourself told me that after your diagnosis." "Well, at least one of us has sense."

"But to thoroughly awenser your question, might I go over a timeline?" "Yes, I'd like that." You sigh, resting your head on your palm. "You met on this ship, like so many other times...."

--------

A few days later, you smooth down your hair as you look in the mirror. You were ready to come clean with Leonard about everything you've been keeping buried. Your heart thundered at the thought of unearthing the source of so much pain, but you were ready to start again with him, start fresh, open and raw, with no secrets.

You exited your quarters and went looking for him. Your fingers nervously tapped against your legs as you walked, looking for him, first going to the Med bay. Christine greeted you, her brows burrowing when you ask for him. "Oh hun, he's off planet on a mission." "Oh." You say "thank you Christine." You say before dashing off for the bridge, where you knew they'd be monitoring.

The tube doors opened up and you made your way to stand next to the captains chair, where Jim was watching. He greeted you silently with a nod, both of you listening to the audio feed coming in. You asked what they were doing, knowing he could probably hear you being so close to Jim. Jim quietly filled you in. "We found some ancient Clingon battle tech on this planet, were trying to salvage it."

"Well sweetheart, there something I can help you with?" His voice came through painfully clear, flirtatious and laying it on thick. Your heart seized and you swallowed against the lump suddenly stuck in your throat

Jim eyed you warily "Dr. McCoy may I remind you you are not there to flirt." He said in a stern voice, concerned for your feelings. Dr. Marcus' voice rang in. "We've got it, beam us up."

Once you saw him you forgot that you were surrounded by your crewmates, your hurt voice ringing out.

"You... You called her sweetheart." You said, betrayal filling you, eyes filling with tears.

Without another word you took off down the adjoining hallway, Leonard taking off after you. You sped until you were in an abandoned hallway two floors down with him still following.

Your face got hot, embarasment taking hold. You didn't want to cry over a tiny little word.

His eyes widened, regret filling them when he saw how hurt you were. "Baby- " he stopped himself. He only called you baby when he was really concerned.

"No, no I'm sorry. It's okay, Carols great, she's a great person." You forced out, turning to try and walk away. He grabbed your arm spinning you back around. "I don't want Carol. I want you. I'm sorry." You blinked. "So your not ready to move on?" He shakes his head vehidamently. "It was stupid. So stupid. I've never done anything like that in my life. I wanted to make you jealous." It felt like all the air was sucked from your lungs.

"You still want me? After evrything-" he shakes his head. "My god woman, were you listening? Yes! I love you." He breaths, gently squeezing your bicep. "But I- I hurt you! I broke up with you without giving you a reason-" "I know, sweetheart." He says Your heart stopped.

"You know?"

"I know as much as I can guess. But why don't you tell me?" You took a shuddering breath.

"So you know I was on a different ship before this one."

"Yes."

"When I went onto that ship from the academy, I came with the captain. He made it so we'd make it onto the same ship, because we were..."

"together?"

You nodded. "We loved each other. He was my captain, and I was by his side as head of security and defense tactics." He nodded, fingers pressed against his lips as he listened. "One day, we were attacked by an enemy bregade, and crash landed us on a deserted planet. In order to save me, he threw himself in front the lazer that would have incinerated me and two other crew members. They would have killed all of us, all it did was incinerate him.

After he was killed the crew, furious overpowered them, and we survived, but..." You trailed off, before looking back to him. "How did you know?"

He sighed, as if debating telling you something. "As part of protocol, a captain must... gain permission from Starfleet to enter into marriage with another crew mate. His request form was entered just a few days before his death, with your name attached." You stilled, before another wave of emotion crashed over you. A sob escaped you, and you leaned against the wall for support, a hand coming up to try to muffle your cries.

Leonard watched you with glassy eyes, your pain like a twisting knife in his chest. He waited for a moment before slowly inching forward to wrap his arms around you, testing the waters. You pull him closer, wrapping your arms tightly around him, his warmth sinking into your cold body. "I'm sorry." He whispers into your neck. "I'm so sorry." You shake your head, pressing your face into his neck. His scent calmed you, and eventually your breathing slowed as his hands rubbed your back. "I love you." You said, his hands paused, and he untangled himself to look at you, hope in his eyes. "Really?" "Yes, I'm sorry I made such a mess. Do you want to try this again?" You ask. He let out a breathless chuckle before pressing his lips to your forehead. "Yes, God yes." You smile teary eyed, bittersweet joy filling you. You placed your hands on both sides of his face before giving him a slow melting kiss, thumbs stroking his face. "I just have to do something first." You say. His brows crease slightly, but he let's you go. "Okay.." He says uuncertainly

You smile. "I'll come and see you at dinner, okay?" "Yeah, I'll see you."

---------

You entered your quarters without turning on the light, blindly reaching for your padd. It glowed brightly in the darkness of your room, easily finding the picture of him you loved the most, him dashing in his captains uniform hat just a little bit crooked, every inch of him glowing from happiness. Hot thick tears leaked from your eyes as You gently placed your padd on the table in front of your window, his face materializing against the empty black abyss, somewhere where you knew his ashes were scattered, floating forever in the universe, amidst stardust and wonder.

"I love you." You whispered into the silence, looking at him. "Wherever you are, I hope you know that I love you. I hope you know that I'll never not love you... a good friend once told me, I can love you, and still let you go.... I know one day, thinking about you won't hurt so much, and the other feelings will fade, and I'll be only left with love. The way you loved me so fiercly and how i loved you. I'll never forget you i promise, how could I? Even when I'm dying I know you'll come back to me, when I'm old and tired. But there is this amazing man that I love that wants to love me, and I think I'm ready to be happy again. I know you'd want me to be." You looked back at his flickering image

"I hope we meet again. And So, Derek.... I love you, and I let you go. And I hope wherever you are, you feel peace, you feel safe...and I hope you know that I love you." You say, a feeling of weight being stripped off of you makes you feel lighter, and a strange peace settles over you, and somehow you know he hears you.

"I'll never forget you."

#bones x reader #leonard mccoy imagine #leonard mccoy x reader #star trek fanfics #star trek drabble #star trek imagine #mine

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moon-mirage · 3 years

Note

uhhh I don't know how many prompts I get for your cresswell drabble thing, but it's exam season so how about an "I know we've literally never spoken but my roommate has their partner over and I have an exam tomorrow and i CAN'T focus when they're around so please can I hang out with you until then?" AU 👀

You can enter as many prompts as you like. :) It would be good to have just one word because then I can maybe manage to write a drabble only. But only maybe.

But since you gave me more than a word, you’ll also get more words back ... 2,7k actually. :P I hope you have some time to spare. ;)

---

It was one thing to see her crush from far away, maybe even in a group of shared friends.

It was a whole different matter if he actually walked around her little apartment as if he owned the place even though he had never been here before.

"You like Vietnamese food, right?" He asked over his shoulder as he looked though the little kitchenette for some cutlery. Scarlet had organised the place well, so he easily found it. "You know Wolf, so there shouldn't be any cilantro in any of the dishes. Not sure what his deal with cilantro is since he usually eats everything that can be chewed. Weird if you ask me," he told her with a shrug.

"I do," Cress piped up. "Like Vietnamese food, I mean," she added lamely. After he said it was weird, she didn't want to reveal that she didn't like cilantro either.

Why oh why, couldn't have Scarlet warned her?

Although what could have prepared her for the sight of Carswell Thorne in her open door with two big bags of takeout, asking her if he could come in?

A devilish smile, a wink and Cress lost her ability to speak. Or behave like a normal human being.

She wanted to hide in her bedroom, change into something pretty and practice a conversation. She would like to be smart and witty and maybe a little bit sexy so he wouldn't know what hit him. He should be impressed by her, fall in love with her but instead she hardly could say a word.

He gave her his best smile. "Great." He hummed a few notes as he arranged the dishes on her counter, and she saw him glance at the pictures at the wall.

Oh stars!

It's not that she was particularly embarrassed by the fun pictures with her friends, when they had dressed up for a Disney-themed party (although with quite some booze which was hardly Disney-approved). But she certainly was now that her crush saw her in a full-blown Rapunzel costume, including the braided wig!

She cleared her throat, relieved when he turned his attention on her instead.

Well, that relief was short-lived now that he looked at her.

With those dreamy eyes that haunted her since her first college party.

Since then, Carswell Thorne had crossed her path more than once though she had to to speak with him more than ten words.

"What are you doing here?" She blurted out.

"Um." For the first time since he entered her apartment, Thorne looked sheepish. "Right. So, Scarlet is at our place."

Cress nodded. That wasn't anything new. Since Scarlet and Wolf got together, they had been almost inseparable. Wolf had come by their apartment a few times but tall as he was, he always looked caged in their small apartment, almost afraid to move and accidentally break something. Even sitting on their couch had been a sight. Cress and Scarlet fit snuggly into it but when Wolf sat on it, he used the whole space for himself. He had tried to make himself look smaller - an unsuccessful endeavour.

So, Scarlet was usually at his place that he shared with Thorne.

Which still didn't answer why Thorne was here.

In her apartment! With takeout!

Rubbing his neck, he seemed surprised that his reply hadn't answered her question. "So, Scarlet and Wolf are at our place ... together." When she didn't say anything, he gave an exasperated sigh. "I mean, together-together." He gave her a pointed look before folding a few napkins. "And I could hear everything. I mean, my bedroom is next to Wolf's so they know that I can hear them. They just didn't care."

Cress blushed furiously. Scarlet had been considerate enough not to bring Wolf to her place to be, as Thorne had put it, together-together but it had never occurred to Cress that they would go to Wolf's place instead since he also didn't live alone.

"But um, don't you also bring... girlfriends over?" The words were difficult to say with ease and she hoped he didn't notice. Thorne was many things - a charmer, very smart, good-looking and fun - but also, to her detriment, quite popular among the female students for all the reasons she just listed. She knew he went out with Shan from one of her classes for a while, Scarlet's friend Émilie had also talked about dating Thorne during their first semester and she had seen him with Elia from Cress's dancing class as well. And those were just the ones she knew about.

Maybe if he flirted with her, if she at least got the chance for a date ... She never wanted to be another girl for Thorne, she wanted to be the girl for Thorne but he never extended his excessive flirting to her. More often than not, she had wondered if he even knew who she was despite sometimes hanging out together with Scarlet, Wolf, Cinder and Kai and Iko.

He gave a short laugh. "We usually have a kind of understanding ... or a schedule." A wink. "And I'm more discreet. I tell you, Scarlet brings out the wolf in Wolf," he said with a snicker. "Dinner is served!"

With flourish, he revealed the counter where he had strategically placed all the dishes, the rice, the sauces and even some candles she recognised as the ones they usually placed on the little shelf next to the door.

When she didn't say anything, he faltered for a second, his proud smile turning into a frown. "Oh wait." He looked through one of his pockets until he found a lighter and proceeded to lit the candles. "What do you say?"

Cress's heart was beating hard in her chest. "It's beautiful," the told him truthfully.

He preened at her compliment. "Well, the stuff you have is quite nice. The table pretty much set itself." Reaching for her, Cress felt his warm hands on her shoulder as he led her to the counter and helped her sit on one of the barstools.

This wasn't happening. Was she really eating dinner with Thorne?

When he looked expectantly at her, she reached for a summer roll, dipped in one of the sauces and hoped she wouldn't spill the whole content on her shirt as she bit into it. It was delicious and she hummed in pleasure.

"I take it tastes good?"

She opened her eyes, trying her best not to blush. "Amazing. Where is it from?"

"It's a few blocks from our place. Next time you come over, we can order from there again. Although there is also this great Indian restaurant you've got to try."

Cress munched on her roll, trying to figure out if he had indeed invited her to his apartment. Probably along with their other friends but still. She had only seen his place once not too long ago when he and Wolf had a little housewarming party.

A thought occurred to her. "Wait. If you, Scarlet and Wolf ordered it ... and you brought it here ... did you steal their food?"

He gave her an innocent look that could fool nobody. "I wouldn't say steal. I told you, they were otherwise occupied. Food is the last thing on their minds right now. And why let it go to waste?" He dug into one of the rice dishes, chewing thoughtfully.

They ate in silence but somehow, it wasn't awkward. At least, Cress didn't feel it was. But she was usually silent, so maybe it was awkward for Thorne?

Gathering all her courage, she asked him about his classes. An easy and safe topic for her and though he answered, he was more monosyllabic than she was used from him. He must have noticed himself because he gave her an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, Cress, it's just ... I'm doing okay but I'm no match for the golden child from campus. I doubt I could tell you anything you don't know already."

"That's not true." They shared a literature class together and he had eloquently interpreted a piece of fiction with ease. His view on the book had impressed her, despite having read on it and knowing the many ways to interpret the book. But he had made it his own and expressed his opinion, while Cress was usually too shy to raise her hand and join the discussion.

When she told him, he laughed warmly. "Ah, that pulp fiction story, I remember. Honestly, Cress, I was just bullshitting. I haven't even read the book."

"But then it's even more impressive."

There was a short silence during which she carefully evaded his gaze and focused on some fried vegetable. "That's sweet of you to say. But still, you're the genius who is acing pretty much every test without trying from what I've heard. I'm jealous," he said with a conspiratorial wink.

She blushed but didn't deny it. She wanted to let him know that it wasn't anything special, that learning was easy for her and that studying had been the only thing she had ever been good at - but no, it would come off as haughty or patronising. "I would like to be more like you," she confessed before she could stop herself.

"Sure you do. Who wouldn't?" He meant it as a joke but Cress didn't miss that there was a sombre tone to it.

She shrugged, trying to find the right words. "I'm good at tests, so I do well at college that's true but I'm not ... one day, we'll have our degree and then those grades won't matter much. I suck at personal interviews and my soft skills are really bad. I freeze up when I'm asked questions even though I know the answer. I'm not someone you remember among all those other college students aside from my grades."

"I remember you," he said without missing a beat. Cress blushed furiously at that and had no answer. Before the silence stretched on for too long, Thorne spoke again. "I'm actually relieved. I always saw you and heard the way people talked about you and thought, wow, there's someone who doesn't have to worry about life after college."

"I wish."

He nodded. "I actually excel at interviews. I can bullshit my way through them. Hey, I could teach you!" His eyes glinted with honest pride. "It's all about confidence."

"I don't have much of that," she murmured.

He waved her concerns away. "Just pretend you do then. Believe me, if you go into an interview, thinking you deserve the job and they have to convince you to take it, you'll automatically act all confident. It's easy, I'll show you how." He tipped at his temple, as if an idea had just occurred to him. "And in return you help me studying for my tests, deal?"

Thorne was all smiles and Cress couldn't help but grin back at him. He was so genuine and kind, in ways she was never able to discern from away. It just made her heart ache more. "Deal."

From that moment on, their conversation flowed more easily and Cress learned more about Thorne, his dreams and ambitions she had ever thought possible. Shy at first, she was nevertheless gaining some confidence as she talked to him and wasn't embarrassed when he pointed to the picture of her, Scarlet and Cinder in their Disney dresses.

"Please, let me borrow it. I need to make fun of Cinder, please, Cress? You can't deny me that one chance to one-up Cinder."

"She would so kill me."

"But Cress, she's wearing a dress. A poufy one, with glitter! And a tiara! An ugly one but still. Maybe I should take her shopping for a new one. See, I need that picture to help Cinder. That's me being a great friend."

"How selfless of you."

He nodded earnestly. "Selfless is my middle name. Right after suave and daring."

Cress giggled as she finished the last bit of her rice pudding dessert. With some sadness, she realised their nice evening together would be soon over. She didn't want it to be but takeout was what he came here for and now nothing was left.

Even Thorne was quiet, as he looked at all the empty boxes, cleaning a few specks on the counter with a napkin.

Cress wondered where he would go now. It was unlikely that Scarlet would return tonight or that she and Wolf would not take advantage of the empty apartment.

As if he read her mind, Thorne asked. "Would you mind if I crashed here for tonight?"

Cress stuttered. He wanted to stay the night? Here? At her place? Where she was?

"Or not!" He laughed. "Sorry, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I just assumed Scarlet's room is empty and since it's already late... I'm sorry, Cress." Reaching for her hand, he squeezed it lightly. His usually mischievous grin was replaced by something more soft and sweet and she knew he would leave if she asked him to.

Cress had never invited a guy into her apartment. She wasn't prepared. The bathroom was a cluttered mess and she desperately tried to remember if she left her underwear somewhere he could see. Or the braces she wore during the night. Aces, he would see her in her spaceship pyjamas! Her cute flowery ones were in the laundry. She was just not prepared for Carswell Thorne staying the night.

And still... "I-it's fine. I'm sure Scarlet won't mind." From the stories she heard, they had already shared a tent when they went hiking with Cinder and Iko. Cinder had absolutely refused to share the tent with Thorne but Scarlet and Iko didn't have the same issues (though for different reasons, she remembered).

His smile was soft but there was a touch of nervousness that was so unlike the Thorne she knew that she felt flustered and busied herself with cleaning up the dishes. "Thank you, Cress. I promise to-"

She didn't let him finish. "Is that why you came here?" She had actually wondered about that. Thorne could have went anywhere after leaving his apartment. Iko and Cinder's apartment was much closer to his place than hers, and Kai's place was really fancy. It was the apartment they would hang out the most since it was the most spacious one and had lots of anemities. For a group of ever-poor students, it was a dream come true.

The silence went on a heartbeat too long. "Yes. Right. Scarlet's empty room. I mean it makes sense right?" His laugh was a touch too loud before he helped her cleaning up the counter. "I promise you won't even notice I'm here."

Somehow she doubted that.

---

"I can't believe you actually thought I randomly came by with dinner."

"How could I think you were not? You were at my door with takeout, I didn't think ..."

Thorne tugged playfully at one of her locks. "- I wouldn't come by under pretense just to spend a bit of time with the girl I had a crush on?" He finished for her. "Come on, Cress. You are supposed to be the smart one in this relationship."

"But you were so convincing!"

His finger tips ghosted over her cheek and she leaned into her touch. "Just as I told you then ... I pretended to be confident. And apparently, it worked."

The kiss that followed still made her heart race. She laced her hands behind his neck, drawing him closer, his taste now so familiar to her.

It stopped way too soon. She looked up him questioningly, her eyebrows furrowed when she saw his mischivious grin. "What?"

Leaning closer, he whispered into her ear. "You want to know another secret?" She knew he would feel her nod. "Scarlet and Wolf had left for the weekend to visit Scarlet's grandma. I didn't see - or hear - them for two whole days."

She gasped and he bit his lips playfully. "You planned this?"

"Yes." He drew her in for another kiss. "And I'm glad I did."

Her heart warmed at his confession. "Me too."

---

Don’t ask me why but I feel this oneshot pretty much wrote itself (during working hours but no one needs to know that). It’s actually my first AU oneshot and it was a fun challenge. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Thank you again for the prompt. :)

#the lunar chronicles #tlc #cress #carswell thorne #cresswell #cresswell drabble prompts #I'm a big fan of writing prompts now #now I get the deal with muses #all of you sending me prompts? You're my muses now #that's how it is ;)

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sophi-s · 4 years

Text

Day 29 #Grief

Whoops. I actually ended up writing a short piece for this one as well and uh... I think I accidentally created a new ship... :O

To Mourn Together

By: sophi-s (me)

Franchise: Darksiders video games

Words: 1 961

Warnings: None

Characters: Uriel, Nathaniel, Abaddon (mentioned)

_________________________________________

With utmost certainty, one could say it was one of the brightest nights in the White City. Of course, with the buildings in the color of gilded snow, every night seemed bright. But that one particular night the full moon spilled its cold, silver light all over the angelic city, bathing it in a pale glow that reflected in the smooth surfaces and illuminated the warm darkness as the gentle gusts of wind blew through the quiet and empty plaza.

Aside from the sentries patrolling the streets, all of the Heaven's denizens were long asleep in their homes. All of them.

Except for one.

A figure of a lonely angel threads lightly through the city, grand white wings folded neatly at his sides, just like his hands behind his back. His golden battle armor is discarded in favor of a simple set of clothes. There's nothing threatening him after all. Lost in thought, he doesn't acknowledge guards greeting him as he passes by. He walks seemingly without purpose, reconsidering the not so recent events.

Your friend serves the Shadow.

The Archon? Corrupted?!

Impossible!

Leave me, Horseman. I must think of what to do now…

He shook his head with an exasperated sigh. One hundred years. It's been over one hundred years since all of this happened. And yet, all this felt far too fresh in his head. As though it happened merely yesterday. Sweeping his gaze over his surroundings, he realised he'd left for the outskirts of the White City, where the grand Tree of Life stands tall and magnificent as it has since the day Heaven was created. But to his surprise, he wasn't alone here after all. At the foot of the Tree, his keen white eyes spotted another angel. A woman. The same silver hair, any other angel possesses, fluttering on the wind, wings of golden, radiant feathers slumped sadly against her back as she stood there, gazing out at the locked gate to the Well of Souls. Strange. He assumed he would be alone.

Since he wasn't trying to sneak up on her, she heard him approach quite early and whipped around to face him, her own robes billowing, but the moment she laid her golden eyes on him she simply sighed.

"Oh. It's just you, Nathaniel.."

"So it is."

Nathaniel murmured, silently wondering who she'd been actually expecting, and stood for a few long moments, looking at her. A black ribbon with a darkened feather tied around her right wrist caught his attention and something twisted painfully in his chest. Even blackened and bathed in Hellish corruption, the ribbon was unmistakable and the feather spoke for itself..

"What are you doing here, Uriel?"

He found himself asking nonetheless. It's been a long while since they last talked. After all, Nathaniel had been sent away from the Hellguard shortly after Uriel joined their ranks. And it was so long ago.. Humming quietly, Uriel turned away to look up at the Tree's tangled canopy of small fluttering leaves.

"A year…"

She sighed when Nathaniel came closer and stood beside her, watching her stare into the black sky where the moon gazed down on them like a gigantic, round eye.

"It's been a year since Abaddon died.. exactly a year, day to day."

Nathaniel nodded in agreement, looking at Uriel's fingers absent mindedly stroking the end of the ribbon tied around her forearm. Even though he'd been away from the White City for quite some time, rumours about the commander of the Hellguard reached Nathaniel even in Lostlight. If they were true, then no wonder Uriel takes Abaddon's demise so personally. He could only imagine what was going on in her head throughout this year. He wasn't going to stop her from spitting out what she'd been choking up inside of her.

"And yet.. I still sometimes wonder. If I should've done something. Stopped War… I don't know."

"He'd been the Destroyer, Uriel. As much as I disagree with it, you couldn't do anything else for him."

Furrowing her eyebrows, Uriel huffed and lowered her head.

"I know. But… I still have this in my head. The sight of him reaching out to me for help. What if…"

She hesitated, something that was very unlike her. Nathaniel raised his eyebrows curiously, waiting for her to speak up. He had his suspicions from the moment Death brought the news of Abaddon's fate and he couldn't help but wonder if Uriel thought the same way.

"I refuse to believe he'd planned it from the beginning. What if all of it wasn't his choice? He can't have been in his right mind! What if before War killed him, in his last moments Abaddon, the real Abaddon, came back? What if… there was still something worth saving in him?"

Nathaniel's suspicions turned out to be true. She thought just like he had. Now it was his turn to look up at the sky. Indeed, there was something so enchanting about this particular night..

"I wondered myself, Uriel. Many times in fact…"

The younger angel crossed her arms and glared down at her boots as though they'd done something wrong. The branches of the Tree creaked mournfully as the wind tugged on them and ruffled feathers of both angels standing below. Its gusts were getting stronger and its voice whistling against nearby structures brought to mind a sorrowful cry of a lost soul.

"Abaddon taught me everything I know. I had known him my whole life. It feels so… empty without him."

I can't believe he's gone. That's what she truly meant to say and Nathaniel knew it but said nothing of it. He knew that feeling quite well. Better than most. Abaddon had been his friend after all…

"Sometimes I feel like he's still here. Watching over me like he always has.."

Uriel chuckled humorlessly, as though she meant to laugh off the ridiculousness of her claim but Nathaniel didn't feel like laughing. He laid his hand on Uriel's shoulder, nearly making her jump in the process.

"Who says he isn't?"

He could clearly see her jaw visibly clench tightly at his assumption. Not that he could blame her. Nathaniel knew all too well what Uriel was going through. He didn't want anyone to feel like he does and he wished to offer her comfort, compassion. But it's not easy to do so while he grieves as well.

"Do you think I could've changed it?"

Uriel suddenly asked, making Nathaniel's eyebrow wander up.

"During the initial Endwar.. Do you think if I was a little faster back then…"

"Uriel."

The deep tone of his voice had just the result he was counting on as she cut off to finally look him in the eye. Nathaniel placed his other hand on her other shoulder and said sternly

"Even if so, it doesn't change anything. We can't turn back time. Thinking this way won't make you feel better."

"And how could you possibly know?"

It was just the matter of time before Uriel snapped and brushed Nathaniel's hands from her shoulders. There was fire in her eyes, burning like the hottest blaze of Hell.

"You don't know how I feel."

Frowning gently, Nathaniel heaved out a long suffering sigh.

"Quite the opposite in fact.. I know exactly how you feel…"

This seemed to have given Uriel a pause.

"I've known Abaddon even longer than you have. He was my close friend, one of the very few I had. When the news of his fall reached me I kept wondering if it would've been different if I was there. This one, wretched thought stayed with me for a whole century, like a festering wound that refuses to heal. If you seek understanding, I assure you, you will find it in me."

Would it have been different if I knew of the darkness that threatened Lucien? Sometimes he still has those doubts... In shock, Uriel opened her mouth a couple of times only to shut it again as she couldn't find suitable words. Until..

"I'm… sorry. I had no idea…"

With an unhappy smile, Nathaniel shook his head. He wasn't going to take offense. Grief does strange things to people. Uriel snapping at him wasn't the worst thing that could've happened.

"Past cannot be changed. Blaming yourself will not bring you peace of mind. We must march into the future."

Snickering quietly, Uriel looked away.

"You speak words of wisdom.. But I cannot decide if they help me either."

Humming thoughtfully, Nathaniel measured Uriel. Her heart was bleeding profusely, even though she kept it hidden away. He knew how to recognise inner turmoil. From his own experience.. Fortunately, he knew just the way. And honestly, after all this.. Abaddon's treason, Lucien's collapse into the hateful darkness.. he probably needed it as much as she did. Carefully, but insistently, Nathaniel reached out to Uriel and gently pulled her into his arms.

"Nathaniel? What.. are you doing?"

Uriel didn't stop him, probably because of confusion and surprise. Not getting pushed away was a small victory in itself. He was more than happy to explain it to her. Going back to memories of that peculiar human who accompanied Death everywhere always warmed his heart.

"A good friend of mine had told me once that embraces can bring comfort. Especially in sorrow. Does it help you ?"

For a long moment Uriel didn't answer. She was thinking. Up this close Nathaniel could feel her heart rapidly hammering against her ribcage. But then she finally returned the embrace and placed her head on his chest with a heavy sigh.

"It does. Even if a little.."

A tiny note of wonderment in her voice was barely perceptible but definitely there. For a few minutes both angels stood like that in silence before Uriel spoke again.

"Do you think he's at peace? Abaddon, I mean…"

Staring at the shorter angel in his arms, Nathaniel harrumphed. The Charred Council was surely bent on condemning Abaddon, sentencing him to damnation even after his death. He only hoped that the Horsemen made short work of them before they were able to fulfill their dire promises and cast the already tormented soul into Oblivion. Nothing was sure. The only way to confirm either was to travel to the Kingdom of the Dead. Nathaniel couldn't say for certain that Abaddon has his rest or if his spirit in this very moment wastes away in nothingness. The mere thought made his stomach churn. But he didn't speak his fears out loud. He didn't dare.

"I do sincerely hope so…"

An answer as good as any, he supposed. It wasn't a "yes" but neither it was a "no". Perhaps it would be just enough..

"Thank you, Nathaniel.. I'm glad you came here…"

Somehow, an odd, heavy presence lingering about was abruptly lifted from the air when Uriel whispered into the edge of his coat but stayed motionless where she was, unwilling and not ready to pull away just yet. Mourning is always easier with a companion. For just a second Nathaniel could've sworn he saw something… someone… move out of the corner of his eye but just as suddenly as they appeared, they were gone. It was most likely nothing. Just a fleeting trick of his imagination. Nathaniel rested his chin on top of Uriel's head and closed his eyes, listening to the wind blowing gently overhead and to her heart beating right next to his own. Two different rhythms that seemed the same. He didn't wish to leave just yet either. Luckily, he didn't have to. There was no need for hurry. It was still the middle of the night. No one will see them here, vulnerable and weak, slowly mending their broken hearts from the pieces.

They still had time…

_________________________________________

Bear with me, I just wanted those sad dorks to lift each other's spirits up. It's not my fault that I'm so trash 😂

At least I drew Nathaniel properly, as I promised :P

Darksiders Inktober drawing prompts by @imagine-darksiders

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himbo-buckley · 4 years

Note

what are your thoughts on what maddie says about her and buck's parents, that they were "good people, bad parents"? bc idk if it's just me but I can't get my head around that lmao, I can't understand how they can still be good people if they're bad parents, the two just can't go together for me, so another perspective would be interesting!

Hello friend 🥰

Oh, that is quite a question, isn’t it? Damn I just got out of work but you’re making me think deep thoughts here…

I think that is actually a question were we cannot find a unifying answer to - because like you said for you being a good person and a bad parent aren’t compatible, but for me they are. And I think we’d first have to define what everyone thinks constituents a good person and what constitutes bad parents!

For me a good example of that is Shannon Diaz who, in my opinion, is a good person. She means well and she tries hard but she is quite frankly an awful mother. Yes, she was put in horrible situation after horrible situation and she broke on that - which is something human and cannot be begrudged - but she left her child for several years and while she did try to reconnect and she was learning, she wouldn’t haven contacted Eddie on her own. She came back because the opportunity arose not because she tried to get back to them. (She could have become a good mother but she never got the chance.)

In the same vain I think Bobby pulled a lot of shit back in Minnesota but he still seemed to be a loving and kind father - so my question to you, friend, would be: do you consider Bobby a good person (the Bobby prior to Season 1 mostly)? Despite being the type of person who went to work drunk and / or high and by this endangering others and himself? Because I don’t think so yet the show frames him as a good person despite his downfalls (and I am not saying being an addict makes someone a bad person but I am saying knowingly endangering others does) - and if you think someone cannot be a good person but a bad parent, can someone who is a bad person also not be a good person?

See, one thing I learned working with children is that some people just aren’t made to be parents, and I am not talking about my time with child services, i am talking as a kindergarten teacher. Some people are very nice and they try hard but damn, parenting does not come natural to them and I worry how this will develop in the future. Like one of my mom’s is severely depressed and she might have Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy which doesn’t make her a bad person - but a bad parent at times.

And now, this is were I make you regret asking me specifically about this topic (or maybe not, who knows what your interests are) because I do have a bit of an expertise in what constitutes good / bad parenting and I will talk about it at random whether I am asked or not (and hopefully my language won’t fail me as most of my theoretical knowledge is in german, so please excuse any mistakes in technical terminology because I have to find the english equivalents and you know all those untranslatable german words? Yeah. Someone finally figure out how to translate the difference between Erziehung and Bildung please because both cannot be education and also it doesn’t really fit either):

So let’s get into it, shall we?

What makes good parents?

First up: parental relationship and parenting capabilities: several years ago the german department of family, seniors, women and youth (BmFSFJ) released a paper on what skills parents need to become good parents. There a four main skills (and I hope I translated everything correctly):

child-corresponding skills (ability to respond to the individual needs and features of the child, be it in terms of recognising potential or setting boundaries or sth else)

context-corresponding skills (ability to recognise developmental opportunities but also hinderances for the child and acting accordingly)

self-corresponding skills (being able to reflect their own behaviour as well as being willing to learn new things; also ability to regulate one’s emotions)

action-corresponding skills (trust in ones own ability and effectiveness; being consistent, both in their own actions as well as in response to others actions)

You might have heard of Kurt Levin or Diana Baumrind or someone else doing research into parenting styles. Generally there are four main ones, which, if we use Baumrind, differentiate on the aspects of control and demand

(here is a graph from wikipedia on this)

(I consider this fairly self explanatory but I will get into it in a bit a little more, soooo)

Now of course parenting isn’t just about the parents and what they do - children also have needs (and yes there is a lot of overlap but I am doing this right, okay?)

To quote my government again (because the paper was actually quite good, okay?) children want autonomy (a chance to do things themselves), expertise (a chance to develop their own skills) and relatedness (that one was very hard to translate but this came the closest; the idea is children strive for social connections, a sense of trust in themselves and reliability)

Also Urs Fuhrer defined 5 basic needs children have which are:

feeling of shelteredness and reliable love (I won’t explain this further except: google Harry Harlow and try not to cry like I do every time I am reminded of this monster of a man)

physical security and intactness (self explanatory, right?)

individual and developmentally suitable experiences (yes, children need to be socialised but it needs to be based on the individual child and how it learns best and all that)

boundaries and structure (CHILDREN WANT BOUNDARIES!!!! ALWAYS!!! CHILDREN WANT YOU TO TELL THEM YES OR NO, they need adults to help them navigate the world! Part of feeling secure is having someone who will tell you no and don’t do this; boundaries protect from danger, they represent support and orientation, they protect someone’s dignity (both the child’s and the parent’s), they give something to chafe against on our way to adulthood (because listen, Erikson wasn’t wrong, a lot of development happens in adversity, we find out who we are in contrast to other people)

a secure attachment (most people have heard about Bowlby and his theory of attachment, right? There are several types, though we are born with certain abilities for attachment and then learn how to attach from our parents, we model relationships on this, attachment determines our feeling of security and our thrive for exploration as children)

And I’ll leave the theoretical at this and go on to talk about the Buckley’s now, okay?

(and try to figure out if any of this has an actual point, uuups)

As for the specific situation of Mr and Mrs Buckley, let’s first see what we know of them, okay? (It’s barely anything) (half of it is assumed)

they are both alive

they are (probably) still married

they warned Maddie about Doug (meaning they somewhat cared)

they weren’t physically abusive and most likely also not emotionally

they probably live on the east coast in Pennsylvania

Buck may still be in contact with them

Maddie considers them good people but bad parents

they accepted losing contact with at least one of their children

Maddie doesn’t want them to know about Doug

That’s it!

Now, I personally think they might be very conservative, possibly unsupportive of their children. They might have had plans for their children’s life Maddie and Buck didn’t agree with, they might have been the types to not listen to their children, maybe they worked a lot. Probably fairly impatient, possibly disinterested in their children. Not good at the parenting capabilities.

Based on their children’s issues I’d say authoritarian or neglectful parenting style (though not abusive because it would be a redcon of Maddie’s background), meaning most definitely unresponsive though I cannot make up my mind whether they were demanding or undemanding, as both these styles - even when not so bad they are abusive and / or endangering to the child - make insecure, dependent and unhappy adults (like the children turn into those once they grow up), which does kinda fit with Buck specifically, right?

Though tbh I don’t think the Buckley parents were that horrible. I know fandom has taken the idea and run with it, mainly because after three seasons we know virtually nothing about them aside from some throwaway lines and all the issues we see in their children.

Now, why do I say this?

One, Maddie is a fairly capable adult despite everything that happened to her and even being as resilient as she is, she still has too few issues for how horrible fandom thinks the Buckley parents are

Two, while Buck has a lot of issues, being cocky and having problems with intimacy and being a bit directionless and still needing a parental figure in your mid-20s doesn’t seem that uncommon to me? Like the only really deep issue I’d say he has (that have to be caused by something deeper) are his abandonment issues (and connected to that intimacy). And it’s been implied they are caused by Maddie leaving to go to College which does paint the picture that he doesn’t have a good relationship with his parents but honestly, that sometimes happens, right?

(Also, and this is where my professional background comes in, I don’t like how everyone jumps to the worst possible conclusions about them, simply because I feel it sends the idea that only if the worst things happened to you, you have certain issues which is wrong. Sometimes small things will trigger something way larger in us and that should not be invalidated.)

And okay, I am getting off topic again (but again, my profession lies here) but what I am trying to say is this:

I do think Mr and Mrs Buckley were bad at parenting because they demanded too much but gave too little (emotionally) and I don’t think Buck is really in contact with them but I also don’t think that makes them necessarily bad people. (just bad parents)

I think Maddie and Buck weren’t as close back when they were children as they are now (at least not after Maddie moved to College) because the Buck we know would not accept a sister he is very close to simply no longer having contact with him for three years without trying to figure out why.

I do think they can’t have been that bad mainly because of how good Maddie and Buck are. Listen, I believe in resilience and already being born with a certain personality and traits which shapes how our environment reacts to us, but which is also influenced and changed by our environment ! (Nature vs. nurture, ya’ll) Now I know I said we find and develop ourselves in adversity but not just. We also need someone to foster and support and reward certain traits or we lose them and this is especially true for being kind and heroic!

Buck especially has shown way to little anger or capability for violence for how the fandom likes to write his parents, which considering his general character and also the way he looks - just doesn’t work! (Because generally especially boys raised in abusive families emulate this behaviour and Buck just - doesn’t! Which considering how “fuck toxic masculinity” Buck is most of the time doesn’t make sense because being tall and buff would make the opposite easier for him and would make it the better strategy for survival, so this would be the behaviour he would have learned)

(unless our writers say fuck being realistic and fuck psychology)

His parents had to have done something right, because Maddie will have left for College by the time he was 12 / 13 probably and we know they consider this her abandoning him meaning they probably weren’t really in contact then and while the first years of your life ARE VERY important for who you become later (urgh, yes, I’ll admit it, Sigmund Freud, the most overrated theorist did get SOME things right) they aren’t everything and you develop for longer and also a young girl like Maddie would have been would have not been self-reliant and stable enough to raise her literal baby brother in a way that made him resilient enough to become the person Buck has become despite her leaving him twice

Not to mention: considering the person we know Maddie is - if their parents really were that horrible she wouldn’t have left Buck with them, she would have taken him with her!

ANYWAYS!

Okay, tbh, I have no idea if any of that answered your question, but I did spend nearly two hours on it so enjoy?

I really don’t have a good answer to your question because we really don’t know enough and what we know doesn’t fully gel with each other and urgh, I don’t know friend despite this being the one thing I actually have some knowledge on!

I’m not even sure any of this makes sense and I am so sorry about that! I was trying, friend, but sadly an answer eludes me

Guess I should have just ended after saying: we cannot find a unifying answer to this because we each have individual definitions of good and bad in regards to people?

(Now, for everyone who read all of this? I love you and thank you and sorry! Please have a great day while I go cry in the shower now because I this ask drained me and also Harry Harlow)

EDIT: I wrote attachment issues when I wanted to say abandonment issues, shit!

#omg someone messaged me am I cool yet #buck meta #maddie meta #buckley meta #911 meta #meta #I honestly think there is a bit more evidence in canon to support Eddie having abusive parents than Buck #911 #911 fox #evan buckley #maddie kendall #the buckley siblings #this ask messed me up a bit because I feel like I should know these answers but I don't #this is what I am supposed to be good at why do I not know this?#textpost #I am so sorry Anon I really tried #my meta

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theelliottsmiths · 4 years

Text

So anyway, Mein Herz Brennt Making of liveblog, one of my favourites

First of all, I do take any use of piano MHB as a slight towards my tiny hands. -1 point

I really would love to visit this place, it's beautiful

I love that Oli introduces it and then Till is straight in there talking about murder and stabbings. Trust that to be what intrigues him. I feel like 'smells like murder' isn't a direct translation but that's purely because I spent like ten minutes trying to work out what words he says. It rhymes, which is suspicious.

Oh this was before he let his chest piercing reject all the way out in the grossest way

When schneider says Krankenhaus it sounds very Geordie and I'm convinced that kind of thing is why Auf Wiedersehen, Pet was created

Richards eyes light up when he's talking about the room he's in and it's one of those looks where it's just. I would love to listen to anything anyone has to say when their eyes have that sparkle.

"the scavengers had already been here" cue Paul talking about his criminal past thieving from there. See, another example everyone forgets of him being the biggest bastard of them all. The smile is a front.

One of my favourite ever Rammstein things is the combined joy and mockery from Paul when Richard is revealed to be wearing the bird mask and it wiggles as he nods. He looks like a little black cockatoo. Richard looks embarrassed to be wearing it but Paul is having the time of his LIFE.

The way is echoes in his mask makes him sound like he's clucking

Flakes glasses perching in his cone make him look like that sesame Street doctor or scientist

They all suit this make up so much and I wish they'd consider it as a stage look

Peck. Not intimidated.

Considering the nightmares Till has/had, ouch

Richard looks so much like a little vampire prince but like, a character from what we do in the shadows. He makes his own smokescreen entry/exist and everything.

Melanie!!!

Richard has many tendons in his neck huh.

The sounddd. I used to always be curious as to whether or not people in music videos were making the sounds it looks like they're making and now I know and I'm uncomfortable. This and also later when till does the heart

His laugh is never what I expect it to be

That uh. That doesn't look like he's in pain the way the injection sounds implied. At all. Not that I'm complaining but it gives mixed messages.

I'm so sure Richard is the only one I've ever heard use the word quasi. It makes sense for him if true but maybe I only notice because of the tone he uses? His is quite a punchy nasal tone it might just be more noticeable.

Till with kids is always the most adorable wonderful thing. He's really helping to keep them relaxed despite the creepiness of the stuff they're shooting.

"if you look at the cover then you'll recognise a morbidity to the whole thing" till, my darling, do you think people don't already ~see the morbidity~?

I googled and the lady doesn't pronounce renaissance with a g like Till does and that interests me. In fairness I have to assume it's like in Norwegian how words like restaurant are pronounced with a g sound because it's closer to the French sounds? It's not like we in English donut the French way either but the Google translate lady does. This is why I always suspect that when I'm learning a language I'm learning the language wrong and at some point I'll find out there's a Real, For Adults version if the language that's totally different. This is irrelevant. Accents are fun and I like being able to notice them.

It feels so strange seeing this knowing what Eugenio did

Paul taking pictures because he knows better than them

Something about a child saying "ah yes, I know Till and Flake very well" is hysterical.

You can feel the dismay and disapproval radiating off till as he tries to be diplomatic about the Spanish understanding of linear time. He struggles to find a positive and only comes up with the fire walls. "It should have gone out before we filmed anything because they were fucking around with the playback so long but it didn't" is his only compliment.

The German word for French is wild.

Do they know they could have hired an interpreter? Interpreters existed in 2012 I know this

This whole thing with Melanie is beautiful you can't deny that the arm Eugenio made with then was lovely.

Till in the dress with Melanie in his lap. I don't off the top of my head remember seeing it in either video so I simply must assume that it was just what he was wearing that day when he showed up. She's so tiny on his knee I'm glad they're still friends.

"you're left in a state of trauma when everyone stares at you all the time" did this need to get so heavy? It's interesting that he focused more on her voice than her appearance there, though in fairness it's pretty high

They all love her so much and it's totally understandable.

Mit rock n roll und cola trinken

I have to skip the screaming the secondhand embarrassment is too much.

Part 2

Again, this liveblog is so long

Sometimes Oli speaks like his body isn't used to talking.

I want, so badly, to know if Richard was having memories of his dreadlocked youth The tiny cup in his elegant hand is so pleading and then you look left and. It sure is something.

Are they freckles or acne scars across Tills shoulders?...cute. The first set of arm/chest wounds, not so much. I do spy his lil tummy scar

Richard does look like he almost swooped in for a kiss and then changed his mind because of the camera. Paul turns his head that way and then Richard tries to save with a step back and face rub (his own). Just saying.

The fact that a few of them have taken pictures on their personal phones warms my soul it's such a nice reminder that they're good friends outside of work and My Heart

Schneider and Paul ready at a moment's notice to be Dumbasses. J'adore.

What if Zoran was more of a background character tho actually

God, schneider is beautiful. An ethereal, pure beauty that exists no matter how he's being styled.

See okay how is flake almost taller than Oli right now he's not even doing his standard open legs and swan spine thing

It must be so hard to find Oli sized clothes. Flake is also tall and slim but he's a lot more leg, whereas Olis height seems largely to be torso. I have to assume a lot of his stuff is tailored or custom made now.

I always forget about the marks on tills back when he's in the nightmare dress

The child staring with great confusion at a bright red flake reading. I would love to know what his favourite books are.

The childs plural poking and prodding at a very patient Oli, who gracefully bends his spine in ways I've never seen a human do before. I wonder if he's ever dressed up as Lurch from the Addams family.

The actress playing the woman in this half is so beautiful and has a power her younger counterpart lacked when she was threatening him with her weapon.

I am a dummy and was like weird why is Paul speaking Norwegian. I know full well he wasn't saying unnskyld because I've heard Germans say their equivalent before and I assume Entschuldigen either sounds like that fast or shortens so what the fuck, rhi

Till guiding people through him murdering them is truly one of life's greatest pleasures. They trust him so completely. I would like to watch them dance the elegance would be astounding.

Paul lurking watching with what I choose to see as pride as till slaughters an old woman.

Paul being critical (again, as always, rightly so) of the hallway mouthing the lyrics decision.

"for this in prepared to make compromises" he says, hating every bitter word of it

I would like to know what he wanted to say about till and then see him get into trouble over it.

I would like to see till in a bouncy castle. He's adorable jumping into the comfy pit I want to see him in a bouncy castle. Child, utter child.

Paul takes every opportunity to say how hot he thinks they all are and I love that about him. Sometimes your friends are all hot and everybody needs to understand that fact.

Their approaches to pretending to play cello are all so uniquely them. Flake and Richard are taking the time to try and understand what they're being told, whereas Paul just fucking. Lays into it, attracting the weirdest looks from Oli. Richard looks beautiful with that cello and I think he should learn to play. For fun not for work. It's not just that he looks so handsome, but I think that's the easiest way to convince him. I think he'd be good at it, and not being the lead at something might be good for him.

I appreciate that Oli is skeptical because yeah they do all look like they've never held a cello before.

They do, however, all look lovely in their dresses. I'm trying but actually I can't not say that Schneiders little sternum dip makes it seem like he has breasts in that dress and it's a good look for him.

Till singing it in such a high voice, more like his speaking voice, is both interesting and lovely. Oli is trying... So little compared to the others. Laughably incorrect

Why yes, I am laughing at the sheer length of the spikes. They're just... They're so fucking long. So long.

Paul is actually probably the best one there, ironically. They're all comically out of time. They're professional musicians. I know they aren't used to bowed instruments I do understand and I don't want to be uncharitable but also they are struggling. I want to see cellists react to this.

Pretty dresses! And the nightmare but with the most awful and worst fingers! Like the Grinch but goth.

Both Schneider and Richard had the same neverending shoot idea and I am Intrigued.

Till waiting for Schneider with the umbrella :)

Wir brennen! Paul is always so happy to play with fire.

#rammstein #liveblog #dont talk about richards neck this isn't the time or place #me rambling #The Nightmare #vaguely #complete liveblog

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masked-buffoon · 3 years

Text

Chapter 5: One’s desires (Part 4)

Warnings: blackmail, mind control

Author notes: Ogawa being a girl for once didn’t seem like such a bad idea... What do you think? XD

The weeks passed, rather quickly. It was meaningful to say human life was spent within a blink; time had never fled so fast to me, although the fourteen first years of my existence had been dull, filled with boredom, to the point a second would seem like an hour to me.

The day of Mori-san's birthday approached, and Dazai-san looked more and more concerned about my own presence at the party. The lower men would definitely have their evening off to spend with their families while the executives and their second in command would enjoy the luxurious festivities with corrupted businessmen and politics; I, a mere lieutenant, was not supposed to be there, even though I was Dazai-san's protege. I wonder if his other subordinate, the "dog", had been invited as well. I had heard rumours about his strength but had never gotten the opportunity to meet him in person. Would we get along...? However, those thoughts were just a small matter in comparison to the problem I had on my hands; I looked horrible.

Any woman would want to dress up for a party, even more for a fancy event. Picking up her outfit and choosing her makeup according to her hairstyle were points a member of the feminine gender could not neglect, for appearance also represented who she was inside. A woman could not dress up in any way... But I... I was a hideous person, so thin the bones of my back and my ribs actually showed when I looked at my bare body in the mirror. Despite the sleep I had been granted, my eyes were still circled and my hair was completely colourless, as if it was not even alive. I gritted my teeth in front of the mirror, then resigned myself to wear my usual suit, which managed to hide the horrible thing I had for a body. I had no curve and my chest, due to long time starvation, was flatter than the usual. There was no way the ugliness I saw in the mirror could be covered up by a pretty dress and nice makeup. I would just end up shaming Dazai-san... Oh... No one expected a lowly lieutenant like me to look good anyway, as long as I wore something correct. I would just be there because the Boss had ordered me to. Even so, was it wrong to wish I could dress up, even for an evening...?

"You seem down, lately, Ogawa-kun." My superior noted when I entered his office in the morning.

"I can't pretend the contrary..." I sighed "Moreover, it is such a ridiculous reason..."

"Do tell me. I am so bored, you could make me laugh~"

"If you insist..." I cracked a smile "Actually, I am troubled by my outfit for the Boss' party... I can't pick one..."

"Too many choices~? Men have it easy, any suit can dress us up." He chuckled.

"If only...! It's just that... Nothing could suit me..." I confessed "But that's just a trivial matter, nothing involving life or death..."

"I must say, I thought you didn't care about such things." He told me "And to be honest, it is not 'trivial', as you would put it. It is not vital, indeed, but it is not trivial. If it is important to you, you have the right to be troubled over your outfit."

"Do you really think so...?" I was shocked by his reaction, not expecting his support the least.

"Of course. And I'm even going to help you by giving you advice. What about you go and see ane-san? She will most certainly be able to find you something."

"D-Dazai-san..." I could not help feeling grateful "Thank you..."

"Don't worry~ You'll be perfectly fine. Besides, you're okay as you are, so don't torment yourself too much." He smiled.

I felt myself blushing slightly upon hearing his words. Although he was just being nice... It was good to be complimented from time to time.

The day of the party, the very feminine executive of the Port Mafia accepted to take care of my appearance, not without stating it was a shame I had not come to see her earlier. She was one of the few women in the organisation and, although I had sometimes watched her taking part of a torture session, our relationship had remained strictly professional. I was not even aware that she had kept an eye on me all this time...

"You should eat more." She stated, taking a look at me "Does Dazai-kun not give you enough money to feed yourself?"

"That's not it..." I shook my head "I just... Don't use the money for eating..."

"Is that so...? That being said, there are rumours about a morphine addict in that boy's squadron. Do you know anything about it?" She asked.

She was terrifying. There was not a single thing happening in the Mafia that she did not know of and, despite not uttering a single word about these matters, she watched it all in the shadows. Even so, she also had a reassuring and mother-like presence which made me feel safe. I could tell she would not harm me in any way. Her hands stroked the skin of my cheeks as she examined my face, thoughtfully.

"Your eyes have a beautiful colour." She noted "It is very unusual. Who do you take after?"

"I'm not sure..." I admitted "Perhaps... My mother...?"

"What do you mean you are not sure?" She sighed "Whatever... Modern clothes won't fit. I'll find a suitable kimono for you. Besides, the obi makes a rather practical place to hide your gun. It'll be perfect."

"I don't know how to thank you... Helping me out like this... Whereas you must have much more important matters to take care of..."

"What are you saying?" She giggled "I really enjoy dressing you up like a doll. Besides, who said we were done~? There is a dozen outfits waiting for you to try them on~"

"Is... Is that so...?" I grimaced.

"Of course~ And we'll find the perfect one, believe me~"

After an afternoon of being wrapped in silk by ane-san, she finally made up her mind and accepted to give me a night blue kimono covered in colourful flowers. The sleeves were long, characteristic of the furisode worn by young unmarried girls and the obi was not tied too much so I could easily put a gun under it to defend myself. The executive smiled at me gently as she combed my hair with her delicate hands, doing her best despite its short length. Finally, she clipped in various hairpins and jewels to make it look better.

"You look very pretty." She complimented me "It was worth asking for my help, finally."

"Of course...!" I agreed, barely able to hide my joy "I am very grateful..."

"By the way, Ogawa-chan... Do you know what the flowers on your kimono mean? I'm afraid it might bother you..." She hummed.

I considered her question and lowered my eyes to study the patterns on the sleeves. They were red, scarlet flowers, splattered like blood on the silk. She had not asked such a thing innocently… I chuckled and a slight smirk made its way to my face.

"Higanbana..." I recognised them "Red spider lilies. It doesn't bother me, I am used to carrying death around me. I only fear the Boss may find it ominous, if anything."

"I'm sure he won't mind. I just realised, but that colour suited you so well..." She laughed softly.

"Of course it does, ane-san. What am I, but a murderer? Even makeup and a fancy attire can't hide that fact. But I do not care."

"We are flowers of darkness that can only bloom in the shadows. Our beauty shall not radiate in the sun, after all..." She patted my shoulders "Just let me paint your lips with rouge, then you'll be ready, Ogawa-chan."

"Thank you, ane-san. For everything."

She grinned.

"Our heart shall never soften, lest we want to fall apart."

Kōyō ane-san accompanied me to the party, dressed in a gorgeous red kimono which enlightened her naturally pale complexion. Thanks to her presence, I was noticed by only few curious people and could easily make my way inside the crowd of mafiosi and corrupted officials chatting, drink in hand. I took a deep breath and put a hand onto the gun, carefully put inside the obi. If anything were to happen, I could defend both myself and Dazai-san. There was nothing I had to fear, despite the feeling of uneasiness overwhelming me.

"Ogawa...? Oh, it really is you...!" A familiar voice greeted me from behind.

Calmly, I turned around and wore my most polite smile, before realising it was Oda-san. I relaxed my posture.

"Good evening." I nodded at him "Dazai-san told me he had invited you. Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Not quite." He admitted, rubbing the back of his head "I'm not used to all of that..."

"The fanciness...?" I guessed "Neither am I... I must say, it is too much for the poor slum girl I am."

"Yet, you carry yourself so properly..." He remarked "Not that I am here to judge..."

"I originally come from a rich house." I recalled "I remember seeing my mother greeting some important guests. She wore a kimono too..."

"I see... You never talk about your parents."

"I never talk about the people I kill. I could speak about the plethora of cowards who deflected the Port Mafia as well, but they aren't interesting." I grinned.

"Oh..."

"My apologies, Oda-san... I know you do not kill... All that talk must have made you uncomfortable."

"I'm not... Uncomfortable. Only intrigued. Do you enjoy that work...?"

I frowned, taken aback.

"Do I enjoy it? Obviously I don't." I blinked "It's just work..."

"You don't seem particularly repulsed by it either."

"Is an office worker repulsed by paperwork?" I glanced at him.

"It happens... When there is too much."

"Then, the man is an idiot. Working is vital to earn money, and money is vital to live, although too much creates such greed human beings tend to become vicious." I sighed "Whatever..."

"I'm not sure to ever understand that way of thinking..." He shrugged it off.

"That's because you perhaps haven't lived in the shallows yourself. Surviving... This is my only way of living. I don't care about being immoral." I smiled.

"Yeah... I can see that. At least, you know that what you do is bad..."

"Who would think killing is good?"

"There is someone I know who doesn't quite make the difference between good and evil..."

"Oh, really? I wonder if we are not thinking about the same person..."

"What are you talking about~?"

We both became more cheerful upon seeing Dazai-san appearing in front of us with his carefree smile. I noted, amused, that he had not bothered getting changed at all, wearing his usual dark suit and his heavy coat I found so warm.

"Nothing important." I told him "Good evening, Dazai-san."

"Good evening, Odasaku, Ogawa-kun~ So you did go to ane-san. I'm glad she found something suitable." He said.

"Thank you." I felt my cheeks heat up the slightest.

"Do you want a glass of champagne?" He suggested as a waiter carrying a tray walked next to us.

I accepted and had a taste of the drink. I had heard it was expensive alcohol, produced in France. A single bottle of good champagne could cost hundreds of dollars and even more yen. I brought it to my lips. It was sweet, a tad bitter, but overall sweet. The bubbles made it a fresh drink, the perfect one for a fancy event like the one we were attending. I remembered when I was younger... The father used to import it to sell it in Japan to other rich businessmen. He would always keep one or two bottles for himself. He had done so for wine, too.

"So, are you enjoying yourselves~?" My superior asked us.

"I feel uneasy..." Oda-san admitted "I might go look for Ango."

"Oh, I'll reach you soon...!" He promised "What about you, Ogawa-kun?"

"I'm anxious." I declared without detour "Why was I invited...? I am a mere lieutenant, I don't have my place in there."

"You don't stand out." He chuckled "But, indeed, why were you invited...? I had a talk with the Boss, a moment ago, and he refused to tell me anything."

"I'm afraid we'll have to find out..."

"Good evening Dazai-kun, Ogawa-kun." A poised voice interrupted our talk.

We both turned around, and I bowed, automatically, feeling as though my back was being pushed down by some uncontrollable strength. The charisma emanating from this person, the imposing fear-inducing aura of his... It was far more powerful than Dazai-san's, and my whole being shook in fright before him. So, he was the Boss of the Port Mafia, Mori Ōgai-san... The merciless leader of this organisation...

"We've already seen each other." My superior was the first to raise and look at the Boss "Several minutes ago."

"Indeed. Ogawa-kun, you may raise. After all, you are my guest, tonight...~" He demanded.

I was paralysed. This was an order, I had to obey his order so I would not be punished, yet I... Was unable to even lift a finger. This man bore no good intention.

A glass fell down and cracked on the ground, waking me up from my dazed off state.

"Oh my, I'm so clumsy...~" Dazai-san chuckled as people came to pick up the shattered pieces of glass.

I immediately regained consciousness and smiled at Mori-san.

"It is an honour to have been invited, Boss." I said in a breath.

"Well, I wanted to introduce you to someone important, after all." He smiled back "Dazai-kun, how could you drop this precious crystal glass?"

"I hurt my hand with a knife earlier, and the pain loosened my grip."

He was lying, with a most casual smile. However, I could feel that those were no usual words. The Boss had easily deduced the executive had attempted to save me and was silently threatening him, with this fake, knowing and mischievous smile. I wanted to run away.

"Be more careful in the future." He advised, smug "Ogawa-kun?"

I hesitated upon taking his hand into mine, sensing that as soon as I would make contact with him, my fate would be sealed and I would not be able to go back on my words. Moreover... I was unsure whether it was permitted to touch the Boss of the Port Mafia. I sought approval from my executive.

"Yes, Boss..." I timidly obeyed, registering the nod from Dazai-san.

"So..." His voice lowered so I was the only one hearing him "You have no choice but to do as I say, now."

His fingers imperceptibly crushed mine, and I held back a gasp of pain.

"Whether you like it or not, you will use your ability for me. Otherwise, someone you care about will die. You know I cannot kill Dazai-kun, but I have my sources, and it seems someone miraculously survived the massacre of your family... Isn't it odd~?"

My heart skipped a bit, and I let the Boss drag me across the room, completely losing both composure and willpower. Ruriko-chan... How had he known? Then, again, he was the leader of this underground organisation, there was nothing he would not be aware of...

"If I reveal the truth to Dazai-kun, how will he react, do you think? He will be disappointed, he will toss you aside like a worthless pawn..." He smirked at me "We would not want that, would we~? Not after everything he did to keep you there~”

"N-No, Boss..."

I was in front of a child. He was small, had deep eyes lost in thoughts and held onto the ugliest plush toy I had ever seen. Mori-san let go of me to introduce us and slowly pushed the boy closer to me.

"This is Yumeko Kyūsaku-kun, call him Q. He is eleven and a member of the Port Mafia too, and has an ability involving breaking people."

Horrible. This man was horrible, and despicable. At eleven years old, how could he make this poor boy a member of an organisation...? It was insane. I felt as though I had stepped onto a mined ground.

"Hello, Q-kun..." I tried a friendly smile "My name is Ogawa Yōko, I am glad to meet you —"

As I was going to shake his small hand, I retracted immediately upon seeing the razor blade in the palm of his hand. What on Earth...?

"Oh, you noticed it, miss...!" He chuckled, much like a madman "Too bad, I can't show you madness~"

This boy was sick, too. He was mentally unstable, what was I even doing, talking to him? Around me, the silence had fallen, and hundreds of evil looks were turned toward us. People were expecting; what was the show Mori-san would create for them? What kind of twisted plot had the Boss planned to entertain his guests?

"What do you want from me...?" I glared at the Boss.

"That boy... Has troubles." He grinned "I do not quite understand what is in his mind, and I would simply like you to read his thoughts."

"Oh... Well..." I looked at Q-kun a moment "He's very glad to see the light, for once, and only wants to have fun... If I may, Boss, teaching a child to have fun with razor blades is not quite... Sane."

"We do agree about that, then. You see, Q has always been a peculiar child... He seeks joy in madness, his own and people's. But that's not our topic. Ogawa-kun, I'm afraid you misunderstood me." His eyes narrowed.

"Did I...?" My voice came out meekly.

"I have no interest in these useless and superficial thoughts. What I want to know is his inner desires. Because it is the true power of The Sweet Appeals, isn't it? Discovering one's deepest and secret desires...~"

My hands trembled uncontrollably in fear. What was he going to do to me?

"I... I don't quite control it..." I defended.

"I don't care about that. I need you to delve in Q's world, and you will."

Suddenly, someone pushed me against the boy. Quickly, I grabbed his shoulders to prevent us from falling on the floor, then knelt in front of him.

"Are you alright?" I inquired "Are you injured anywhere?"

Q-kun's innocent and dumbfounded face turned into a large smirk when he heard my question, and, with horror, I noticed his sleeves were reddening. I backed away, terrified. He had blades hidden on his arms as well, and I had unintentionally hurt him... Mori-san grabbed the ugly plush from the boy's arms, earning a displeased whine, and showed it to me.

"When that thing is torn up... That boy's ability turns on...~ So~? What will you be able to find in the world of madness, I wonder~? Oh and by the way... If you hurt any of my guests, I'll have you killed~ That being said..."

"Ogawa-kun...!"

The moment Dazai-san was about to reach us, guards restrained him and kept him farther. I was frightened. So much that I wanted to break into tears. What was going to happen to me...? I did not want to die...! My heart thumped in my chest and time seemed to slow down. All too brusquely, I saw the doll being torn in two.

Nothing happened, at first. Then, one by one, a mark appeared on the guests and they started attacking me. I remembered the Boss' words about hurting them, and did nothing. If I were to hurt them, even the slightest, he would take my life... The punch never came. Was that an illusion? It did not hurt. But still... Containing the part of me who wanted to counterattack was becoming harder as the seconds passed. What was I supposed to find in there, anyway...? There was nothing related to Q-kun, nothing I could hear about his thoughts, nothing at all... And how to get out of there? I started sobbing like a lost child. I wanted to go out. I wanted to be freed from that nightmare!

Something hurt. An attack. Somehow, it had touched me. I realised that, the more time I spent in the illusion, the less I had control on my own mind, and the more I would give in to madness. I groaned as the guests hit me, but did not try to defend myself. How to leave...?

"Stop it... Stop it... I beg you... Stop..." I cried "Someone... Someone...! Help...!"

#bsd #bsd oc #bsd fanfic #bsd dazai #bsd imagines #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs oc #dazai osamu

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