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purplesurveys · 1 month

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1852

When did you last see someone you know in public? I saw Pau at UPTC last weekend which was a nice surprise.

Do you enjoy going to the dentist? Does anyone, like, *actively* enjoy being at the dentist? Haha but I mean have no qualms with dentist appointments; I'll say that much. I find the procedures quite soothing anyway. Even if it's to pull out a tooth or something, I'm fine with, since they're just there to help out.

When did you last eat something you didn’t like? I tried the chili cheese flavor from Potato Corner for the first time, but I ended up not really liking it that much since it was way too spicy.

Do you think you’d survive if zombies took over the world? Well, probably not. I'd lack the street smarts.

When did you last hang out with a bunch of friends at one time? Sometime last year, can't remember when exactly. I saw my college friends.

What kind of music is your least favorite? Country.

Are you and your best friend complete opposites? Mmm I wouldn't say completely. We have some stark contrasts here and there but we also have a few similar beliefs/hobbies/interests.

Would people around you say you’re regularly a mean person? I don't think so. They might tell you I'm cranky or moody, because I am; but probably (and I hope lol) not mean.

Do you like the colour yellow at all? Some shades are pleasing to the eye but overall I wouldn't pick yellow as a first color for, like, anything.

If you were to write a novel, what would it be about? I'll just stick to writing a memoir.

How many times have you logged in to Bzoink? (it has a counter) I've never had a Bzoink account, although I used to be a lurker. RIP :(

Are you currently pretending to be someone’s friend? No, that's an awful thing to do.

Are you an impatient person? Definitely can be.

Are you afraid to watch movies that have sex scenes with your friends? No.

Who sings the last song you listened to? Hayley Williams.

Why do you think some actors don't want to see their movies/shows? They're highly self-critical and are never pleased with their performance. At least that's how I know it to be from pro wrestlers.

Do you think fortune tellers are the devil’s messengers (haha)? Not necessarily, but what I think of them is that they are scammers.

Would you rather use napkins or paper towels? Idk, napkins I guess. I don't really have a preference.

Do you go to the pool in the summer time very often? No cause it's such a hassle to clean up and rid your body of all the chlorine lol (or if at the beach, all the sand). I just prefer to have the aircon on and stay indoors, away from the sun as much as possible.

Have you ever had a serious issue involving your eyes? Apart from the time a distant relative purposely hurled a glass bottle purposely targeting my eye because idk he is an unhinged little fuck, there's just my eyesight which is progressively getting worse.

Have you ever watched South Park? Who’s your favorite character? I've never seen an episode.

Do you have sensitive teeth? I have one lower tooth which has a tendency to get sensitive.

Do you enjoy or hate snow days? Why is this your choice? Uhm no but we have typhoon days which I guess is the closest thing? I selfishly liked them because it meant suspended classes.

Do you turn pale when you get sick? I don't think so, because I've never been told that.

Does it bother you to get shots in the mouth? Does it hurt? I've only gotten those when I needed to get wisdom tooth extractions, and in those cases I was just mostly grateful because it meant my pain was going to come to an end lol.

When did you last talk seriously with one of your parents? Few months ago when I was still crying and confiding to my dad about work.

What is the day of the week currently? Tuesday.

Is anything exciting coming up in the next three months? Jin coming back, BTS' 11th anniversary, and our family trip to Vietnam...all happening within the same week hahaha.

Do you ever borrow money from someone? No.

Do you know anyone who tells every single thing you say? I don't think so.

When did you last kiss someone on the cheek? Who was it? I only do that to my dogs these days hahahahahaha.

Why do you think people like Lady Gaga so much? She was unafraid to be different and to stir conversations, especially in her earlier years.

Do you have a lot of enemies, or not so much? I'm an adult.

Can you count backwards from 100 without a mistake? I'm sure I can.

Do you have any friends you’ve had since birth? Nah.

Do you care if your friends talk badly about you? If they want to do so they can say it to my face, otherwise I wouldn't consider them a friend.

Would you rather drink out of a straw or just the cup alone? Straw.

Does anyone ever say they miss you often? Nope.

Would you rather become a wizard or a vampire, if you had the choice? I don't care.

Is there anyone out there who has made you feel miserable? I can think of two off the top of my head.

Do you have a problem answering personal questions? Not for the most part as I am generally an open book. The only people I'd feel hesitant towards would be my immediate family haha.

What color is the vacuum-cleaner in your house? Maroon and grey.

Have you already moved out of your parents’ house? Nope.

Are your parents divorced, married or separated? Married.

Have you ever thought you might just have obsessive compulsive disorder? Yes.

Do you think it’s rude to text someone else while on a date? Idk and idc about dating etiquette, but in general texting here and there for me is fine. It's only rude when the cellphone use becomes excessive because then it's like why'd we even go out?

What is the funniest movie you’ve ever seen? White fuckin Chicks.

What are your views on our current president? He's a little shit.

Is it awkward to see your best friend’s parents out in public? No. I'd run to them and give them a hug if that's the case. They're already considered family.

Who is the person you talk to the most in your house? Sister.

Is there a television show out there that you never miss? I watch Raw weekly, but that's pretty much it.

What movie have you seen too many times to be healthy? Two for the Road and Room.

What are the last two digits of your phone number? Nope.

Does it creep you out to see people with mullets? No.

What is your biggest responsibility in your household? I'd say the task I take the most seriously is keeping the dogs' health in check and taking them to the vet. Shots and checkups aren't cheap, and that's a responsibility I'm more than happy to cover.

How cold did it get where you live, last winter? Back in Jan-Feb in our winterless country we reached temps of 24-25C, which was a delight.

Do you ever wish you could go back in time to redo something? No.

Ever accidentally pull out a filling from your tooth? Nope.

Do you ever wonder what your exes are doing? Not really.

Have you ever been caught in a huge lie with your parents? Sure.

Do you ever listen to the radio anymore? Only when the Bluetooth decides to be a brat and the car can't locate my phone.

Does it bother you to have personal conversations with people? No, I like insightful talks.

Ever ride in a limo? When did you last do so? I don't think I have.

Do any of your body parts hurt at this moment in time? My tummy kind of does since I wore super tight jeans all day hahah.

Are you sober at the time being? Yes.

Do any of your friends constantly do things to annoy you? No.

When did you last eat a Starburst? What color was it? I can't even remember. I don't encounter them ever.

Have you ever lied to someone & said they could sing when they couldn’t? No, because everyone I know who's willing to sing in public are actually great singers lol.

Do you ever call backstabbers out on what they do? If I'm comfortable enough with them, sure.

How many people in the world do you trust? Three.

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ask-serendipity-sky · 10 months

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Just be fr for a second. If this whole situation was the other way around and Like Crazy got “everything “ that Seven did not would you all be kicking off like this ? 🫠 would you be dropping jimin like a hot potato and saying he’s changed, sold out, etc.

… no ya’ll would not and that speaks volumes. all jkkrs are pjms.

As for the situation, there is just so much misinformation, lies and jealousy being spread, exaggeration about the amount of versions and etc. In jungkook’s live, he said official promotions are over so he only got 7 days of promo (ironic lol).

The rush to get everyone enlisted quickly is annoying because it feels like people aren’t really able to have their own “eras.” From a western perspective I was thinking solo debut wow that SHOULD be months long of promo right? But what we’re getting is rushed. Ofc yoongi went on tour but that was a personal decision and I don’t think I’d a sign of privilege- he has a lot of solo songs.

Anyways I agree that the company didn’t react well to the rule change for Like Crazy and allowed it to free fall embarrassingly. I also heard it was sent to radio but didn’t get many spins.

Ultimately I just wish everyone would not get hysterical and just wait to hear more from the boys themselves. We don’t know everything. And please if so many of you are questioning jungkooks integrity and character so much then please.. just leave him alone. So he’s more confident? So what? I remember when he was a shrivelling mess with the lockdown scandal, now he’s over it. Both Jimin and Jungkook seem in such a good place mentally.

I can only make an accurate judgement after some time. Because if Jimin gets what Jungkook got in his next cb then are y’all gonna use the word Payola to the same extent?

It’s sad that it’s so toxic on here and twitter but I will just listen to what Jimin and Jungkook say directly.

Hello,

No, I wouldn't be celebrating because I'm not a double face person. Anyone who reads me and knows me can vouch for that. I couldn't celebrate Jimin being treated nicely while Jungkook got scraps because I care about about of them. Yes, I love Jimin the most but I care about both.

I haven't dropped Jk. I'm not judging him for the choices he's making. Go and read my posts. I question things because I want them to make sense but I also know, and have stated, that I would probably do the same as him if I was in his shoes.

There is no exaggeration of what has been said. It's just that the truth hurts and people would rather avoid it. It's not ironic that Jk got 7 days promo...sigh.. that was the whole point -_-

And yeah, if Jimin gets payola we can talk about it too.

I don't get it when people say that we need to wait for the boys to clear things up lol They are not going to!

And as fans who spend our money and time supporting our artists, we have the right to question things on the music side. Like why weren't we informed that sales on week 2 for FACE were not going to count if the company knew of the rule change? Or what's the point of supporting an artist when payola kicks in and everything has been in vain?

But I guess you can keep waiting for Jimin and Jungkook to say stuff...but you will be waiting forever.

Thanks for stopping by.

#skyasks

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achaiapelides · 1 year

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Kit's Diary

Chapter 13

Dear Ty,

I just realised that I forgot to tell you about my therapist appointment last week. As I told you, I had to take notes about what I remember about my childhood. I asked Tessa and Jem about if I should tell her about the first heir stuff and they reminded me that the whole Unseelie Court knows about me anyways for some reason. So I decided to tell her about that too at the next appointment. Mrs. Sullivan, being her enthusiastic self, gave nice commentary like "mmhmh" and "mkay". Please note the sarcasm here.

After my long ass monologue finally ended, the therapist confirmed that I definitely have trauma from what happened since my dad was killed and I found out I was a Shadowhunter, but also possibly some trauma from experiences I made in my childhood, that my brain made me forget to save me from being too traumatised. She asked me if I was willing to be hypnotised, so that she can find out what this traumatic experiences were to be able to help me better. I agreed. Mrs. Sullivan said she would contact a warlock who was able to do that and I suggested that maybe Tessa would have this ability too. I guess I feel more comfortable with having Tessa know my past memories that I don't even remember myself, than some random warlock I never met.

In addition to that Mrs. Sullivan also suggested that I might have ADHD. She printed out some sheets with the traits she observed in me and some other ones typical for ADHD and asked me to give it to several people I know, preferably some with little connection to each other. They should pick all the traits they have observed in me. I'm also supposed to fill out one sheet because some questions are about how I feel about certain things and how I think I behave, which obviously only I can answer. Then we made another appointment in two weeks, because Mrs. Sullivan is on vacation the next week. Well, this week I mean.

When I got home I gave Tessa and Jem one of the sheets and told them all the therapist said. They suggested to give one of the sheets to my school friends and one to Hazel, because she surely observed something about me too, as my ex-girlfriend. Jem even send the photo of the sheet to Emma, so she and Julian can point out, what they observed about me, too. And Tessa agreed to do the hypnosis thing and said she would also feel more safe about me, if no random warlock we don't know found out about me being the First Heir.

I have to tell you about something else, too. In school everyone is obsessed with this one singer from America, who just published her new album. Her name is Taylor Swift and she's apparently super popular, especially in America. I didn't know her. Was I living under a rock for the past years? Yes probably. (That was a metaphor by the way. I don't actually live under a rock obviously. It just means being unaware of mainstream things. Like Taylor Swift apparently. Lol.)

Anyways, back to Taylor. Once Leo found out that I didn't know, she forced me to listen to all of her songs and give her my opinion. After doing that I finally realised why she was so shocked. These songs are amazing. And she has so many different ones. Heartbroken songs, angry songs, love songs, revenge songs, calm songs and sad songs. Even some rocky songs. And some "I don't give a shit" songs. She really has everything you could ask for. Apparently she also is friends with Ed Sheeran and sung a duet with him. Yes I know Ed, but not Taylor. I'm weird, I know. I swear if Jem and Tessa listen to "Perfect" one more time, I'm sending Ed a marriage proposal on their behalf. Maybe he's Will Herondale reincarnated and I just don't know about that. You never know with this Shadowhunter stuff. Lol. And I changed topics again. Come on Kit. You can do better.

Anyways, back to Taylor, AGAIN. If you ever read this and you haven't listened to her songs yet, which I highly doubt, considering your literal twin sister is Livvy, you should listen to "Wildest Dreams". I think you might like it. And "Begin Again", too. I also just found the perfect song I can listen to on loop, when I'm missing you again. It's called "Haunted" and for some reason it fits perfectly to us. And it gives me feelings. Much feelings. Why can this woman describe my feelings better, than I can? If she ever stops her career, she should consider becoming a therapist. Wait a second, Julian just called and asked to speak with me. I'll be right back.

Holy shit. You won't believe what just happened. Well, you will actually because it was you idea, haha. Anyways, Julian called and said they saw the sheet Jem send them and were discussing it, when you randomly visited and after they told you what they were doing, you wanted to help them because you knew me best. Holy shit. What? Huh? Am I dreaming. What??? I couldn't believe that was true and literally asked Mina to trip my leg really hard so that could bring me back to reality. But this is real. What? Omg. I think I broke. Where is Taylor when you need her? She better have a song about this.

Sorry, I'm back from my lovesick happiness trip now. Calm your shit, Kit! (oh a rhyme!) He just helped. You didn't even interact. What will you do when it comes this far? Die? Yeah probably. So if I black out, when we see eachother again, don't worry. I'm good. Just lovesick.

Oh man, I'm talking to myself again. I think I need an extra therapy session for this.

Aaaaanyway. (I used this word too much today, I know.) So, Emma send back the sheets with her's, Julian’s and your comments. And I can see so clearly what you wrote. Aaaaahh. Thank you so much. Aaaaahhhhhh.

I think I should stop writing for today. It's dinnertime now anyway. But maybe I can hope that you're thinking about me now too? Is that too much to ask?

I love you so much, Ty. I wish we could be together again. But I guess we both need some time to heal. Don't think I won't miss you every second of it, because I will.

All my love, Kit. (Hopefully yours one day)

Author's note:

What a coincidence that of all the times my friend could have forced me to listen to all the Taylor Swift songs and made me get a bit too obsessed with her, she chose the time when I was writing chapter 13. This was not planned. What the hell?

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the-teddy-bear-butch · 1 year

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hey Пчёлка! (sorry for the unoriginality but it's literally 3am 😅)

IT SNOWED TODAY!!!! not a lot but i'm still excited :D

I gotta answer the favourite ice cream flavour question from the ask game first because I've found out something very interesting.

Ok so i'm about to say something very weird and apparently very Canadian, but my favourite ice cream flavour is tiger tail(tiger tiger, tiger, tiger stripe. I've seen many variations) ANYway this is gonna sound like a weird combo if you haven't tried it but it's basically orange ice cream with black licorice ice cream swirled throughout it (weird ik) but while I was looking up the actual proper name of the ice cream I found out it's a Canadian only thing, not only that but it's a regional flavour so only certain parts of Canada has it???

anyway I fell down a loop hole and now need to know what you call the metal shopping carts at the store, knitted caps that you wear during winter, and also what do you call you 1 dollar coins? (buggy, tuque, and loonie for me)

November kinda sucked but it's the last week (were'd all the time go?) I started a new job this week which is really exciting

DUDE I WAS JUST ABOUT TO START PRIORY OT THE ORANGE TREE! it's been sitting on my bookshelf for way too long

I finally seen legally blonde and it was sooooo good, I watched in with a group so i'll probably need to re-watch it later, oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

IT isn't actually that scary unless you don't like clowns, in which case it might not be your piece of cake

man weather is so weird. one time at the end of august I remember it started to snow while we were driving home not for very long but still strange. I had you use the converter thingy to understand 70°F but 21°C IS UNREASONABLE FOR FALL! THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE. Right now its -1°C with the low for tomorrow(today now) at -13°C which i'm kinda dreading.

it's not really important but I did want to say when I started talking to you I was using she/they(i think i was?) but now i'm using they/them so that's cool I guess 👍

regale me with your random LOTR facts I only knew 2 of the last facts so if you have more i'd love to hear them!

I also liked to mix up spices when cooking as a kid. Most of the time it didn't work well but one time I found out that if you're making a sweet carrot cake (or cakes like that) and you're making cream cheese frosting, adding a bit of garam masala to the frosting adds a bit of a kick and cuts the sweetness in a non overpowering way!

i'm so glad I can further continue my 'everyone I talk to must listen to alvvays' agenda. I don't think I have a favourite song on the album but I do love Pressed and Belinda Says. Also turns out that Blue Rev is a Canadian only drink made Ontario.

y'know what's homophobic to me specifically? Both my favourite bands have only 1 show here and it's in Toronto (very far from me) IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER. Toronto winters aren't particularly nice.

Music thoughts from the last couple of days are really old french songs (the classics from like Lucienne Boyer and Edith Piaf, that kind of music) they all kinda remind me of the comforting orange of street lamps in the dark and drawing before going to bed

signed someone who's literally so close to falling asleep

-el

IM SO SORRY MY INBOX INTIMIDATES ME AND SOMETIMES I JUST IGNORE IT

Hello my darlin’ El!! My favorite Canadian! My favorite anon!

Nothing to apologize for, my dear. That nickname is probably my favorite ever, I’ll never get tired of it

SNOW, that’s so cool!!! We actually got a little bit here in the last couple weeks too! Barely any, but something!! Just a ✨dusting✨

Okay so that sounds so strange and I HAVE to try it. If I ever visit Canada, I am searching this out 👀 Idk if it’s regional, but we have a snow cone flavor called tiger’s blood! It’s kind of like a fruit punch sort of flavor. I was more of a cotton candy kid. Or the weirdo who got banana flavor

Regional dialects are so fucking cool!!! For us, it’s shopping cart, beanie, and penny!idk what it is but tuque is just such a fun word. Very pleasing to say, feels nice, idk. Maybe I’m just a weirdo LMAO. I’m trying to think of some of the weirder regional words, but my brain is so empty right now.

Oh congrats on the new job!!! How is it going?? I’m sorry your November was rough, I hope December treated you more kindly! It’s been a rollercoaster for me, but I have a feeling 2023 will be a good year for me. I’m being stubbornly optimistic 🫡

Speaking of!!! Happy new year! Do you have any resolutions??

Did you start Priory? If you have, what do you think?? It’s high on my list, but I recently got One Last Stop and Gideon the Ninth, so I bumped it down. I’ve GOT to read OLS so I can read the Ronance au, and Gideon the Ninth is just,,, lesbian necromancers in space and I’ve been obsessed with it despite not reading it ever

Oklahoma weather my beloathed! She’s a wicked she-devil!! We’ve gone from a pleasant 21°C to -29°C wind chills in the span of a week!! I love it soooooooo much!!! (Kill me please.) I hope your weather has been tamer and you’re staying warm up north!!

Oh that’s so cool dude!! Good to know!! I’ll make sure I remember <33 They/them pronouns kinda hit different man. I’ve swapped mine officially from she/they to they/she. Not a huge difference but something in my chest feels so much lighter with they 🥰 Gender fuckery is fun

More silly LOTR facts, eh? Well, J*ke G*llenhall auditioned for the role of Frodo Baggins! Supposedly it was one of the worst auditions! Christopher Lee, Saruman, is the only actor to have met JRR Tolkien himself! Believe it or not, Nicolas Cage was the original pick to play Aragorn! I still think Viggo Mortensen is one of the best casting choices of all time tho, sorry Nick

Oh I’ve never heard of that! I’m writing it down for future baking purposes 🫡 I have recently discovered that garlic powder and onion powder are my best friends and I will put that shit on everything

Incredible choices! I need to give the album another listen. Maybe I can Ronanceify a song in your honor <33

That’s terrible!!! I am so very sorry <33 I get the feeling man, even a lot of US tours just,,, skip over Oklahoma. I’m sooooooooo bitter about Noah Kahan not stopping by somewhere I can see him. The closest show is a state away, 4 hour drive with current gas and hotel prices? YIKES. But! I got Paramore tickets and I WILL lose my entire shit that day

Definitely will check those out! Personal music thoughts for me,, still obsessing over the entire Stick Season album, but The View Between Villages especially. Been really into the hot gay girl shit/lesbian villain arc kind of genre. Devil Is A Woman by Cloudy June? Incredible

With warmth and sincere apologies for the weight,

- Max/Lo

#elmax anon #AND AGAIN I AM SO SORRY FOR THE WEIGHT #wait #not weight #I know the difference #I am a Writer #goddamn #it’s my turn to respond at 3 am #so the late hour is my excuse

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rydenisreal · 2 years

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Okay so I listened to Local God. My first thoughts were that this man is singing way too high for way too long with no prep. He's putting too much on his voice. I couldn't make out anything except for "local god, you'll be remembered for the things you're not".

The backtracks were okay-ish, sounded a lot like the last song. The guitar solo(?) was interesting i guess.

I went and watched a couple of reviews by more experienced vocal analysts and across the board there was the consensus that he was straining his voice.

One part I did make out though was the mention of 2021 probably indicating this was written last year. Wondering why he didn't change that?

Still couldn't understand the lyrics so I went and searched them up.

"In 1998, You bought a b.c. rich. You were a master shredder from the jump. Blew them all away with the ritalin kids. While i was shedding through my sophomore slump. You had so many chances to become a star. But you never really cared about that." Is he talking about Ryan? The you had so many chances to be a star but you never really cared about really implys it is especially since Ryan was the one that left and partly faded into obscurity while Brendon stayed on, got famous but lost the sound of the band.

"You'll live forever as a local god. You'll be remembered for the thing you're not." Okay this has to be about Ryan cause while Ryan is really talented in his own right he's always talked and thought about as the guy who left. As the guy who's not there any more. This could also apply to Jon and Dallon too.

"We signed a record deal at seventeen. Hated by every local band. They say we never paid our dues." Pre split panic. It just is.

"It's 2021 and i'm almost famous. You never really cared about that." Almost famous? Dude your top song was played on radio on repeat for weeks. If I could physically kill it I would. What more are you looking for? (I'm not shaming him for being ambitious, I'm just like, ???? what's the endgame here?) Also why 2021?

"Are you melting face at the bellagio? Woah! Oh! Oh! Or are you teaching little kids how to rock 'n' roll?" Is he wondering where Ryan is?

"Did you get weighed-Down by your heart of gold? 'cos you really only cared about that" I'm certain this is about Ryan. "Creative differences" is just a pr friendly way to say that one person wanted to stick to what the band stood for and another to change completely to make bank. And Ryan was the one that left and stuck to his sound.

"Did you ever get your money back? Did you ever kiss the devil?" What does this mean? When you kiss the devil I'm assuming it's make a deal with the devil. And people often do that for money, fame, success. I'm wondering if Brendon is asking (Ryan directly I'm not sure) if he's caved and given in to to the music industry and changing to gain fame.

Anyway what do you think?

ok you're so so SO correct about Brendons voice being shot, I almost feel bad for him honestly.

second. I just listened to it for the first time and I felt like I got stabbed. like genuinely he needs to leave some room for me to tin hat in he can't just write the lyrics to LITERALLY COME RIGHT OUT AND TELL ME it's about Ryan.

that first line. honestly. you're incredibly correct about it being ryan considering they literally met in high school

I did look up the lyrics, and the ones I found said "it's even better than the thing you're not", which screams to me that Brendon is saying being remembered as a local god is better than being a star, as well as "you'll be remembered as the thing you're not", which also kind of has the energy of saying "you'll be remembered as the best band member, even though you left me and aren't even a band member anymore"

I wonder whether the rest of VLV could outline his plan for going forward, considering modern panic! albums seem to almost have a "one step forward, two steps back" kind of thing (from DOAB being a look back, to HIGH HIGH HOPES, to VLV looking back AGAIN), but "it's 2021 and I'm almost famous" gives me brainworms that I'll probably spend the rest of this century working out

I think just in general Brendon is wondering if he went the right route with his life, it kind of reminds me of the interview when he said that he doesn't think theres any jealousy between them, even if this song is kinda the opposite of no jealousy.

#solving viva las Vengeance #so that i remember to journal this

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transgenderer · 2 years

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@kata4a tagged me

What was your:

Last beverage: coffee this morning, unless water counts. im gonna have some cranberry juice with lemon soon. so good Last phone call: i dont have phonecalls often! probably IT at my job. maybe a tinder dude like a week ago Last text message: tinder dude ive been talking with, he seems cool so far Last song you listened to: golden jackal song! what a great song. Last time you cried: like a week ago i cried right after work in the bathroom. not sure why

Have you ever:

Dated someone twice: my first boyfriend! we broke up and then briefly got back together a couple months later. god. that relationship was bad in such a boring way, i was just desperate but wasnt particularly into him Kissed someone and regretted it: not really? i mean. ive had bad kisses. but its never caused like Consequences Lost someone special: like, they died? nah. i alienated my long distance best friend when i was in like 9th grade and havent talked to her since. bummer Been depressed: lol Been drunk and threw up: ive never thrown up AFTER getting drunk but for some reason last year i vomited on the WAY to the wine garden. i think i overexerted myself or something?

List 3 favorite colors: hmm green, orangey-pink, like teal/turquoise

Last year, have you:

Made a new friend: hmm. sort of? ive gotten much closer with people i hadnt been close to before. idk if ive like properly befriended any totally new people? idk. its ambiguous Fallen out of love: i mean, sort of aidan? i was never really in love with him :/ Laughed until you cried: i think so? idk if i do this Found out who your true friends are: is this code for "been betrayed"? weird. i havent been betrayed Found out someone was talking about you: my friends talk abt me sometimes i love it :) i love it when people talk abt me. i love it when ppl on here mention talking about me irl. Anyone on your fb friends list? facebook more like fakebook

General:

How many people on your fb friends list do you know in real life?: (facebook fakebook)

Firsts:

First surgery: when i was a baby i had my thumb stuck at a right angle! they had to like. cut a tendon First piercing: i dont have any piercings! First best friend: girl from preschool who lied all the time. so weird and bad First sport you joined: i did t ball when i was real little First vacation: my parents took me to hawaii when i was reallly little i think

Right now:

Eating: pbj for dinner :/ Drinking: just water I’m about to: post, I guess (i second kat)

Your future:

Want kids: hard no Get married: hopefully! Career: hopefully math PHD and then yknow. do something with that. probably not in academia

Which is better:

Lips or eyes: hmm, lips probably, i dont usually look at eyes lol. i feel like face is about the hole tho... Hugs or kisses: probably hugs? kisses are nice too but theres something so safe... Shorter or taller: taller :/ kind of a woman moment Older or younger: older, double woman moment. gender Romantic or spontaneous: this is a weird dichotomy. spontaneous i guess? Nice stomach or nice arms: arms! love arms Sensitive or loud: sensitive Hook-up or relationship: relationship! or at least, yknow. more than once Trouble maker or hesitant: troublemaker

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger: depends if you count tinder boys i barely no Drank hard liquor: yeah Lost glasses/contacts: ha i dont need glasses. fucking poindexters Sex on first date: literally dozens of times Broke someone’s heart: yeah... :/ Arrested: nope! ive been like, accessory to a felony tho (cooking DMT) Turned someone down: loads Cried when someone died: i think my great grandma? Fallen for a friend: yeah...

Do you believe in:

Yourself: i guess? idk really know what this means Miracles: ofc not Love at first sight: i mean...idk, i feel like this is weirdly undefined as a concept. like, obviously you cant KNOW someone on first sight. you can know someone after a first meeting, mabe... anyway you cant love someone you dont know Heaven: lol nah Santa Claus: no? Kiss on the first date: yes? Angels: no

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mo0n-water · 1 year

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hello hello, sorry that it’s been so long :( i’ve missed you.

i will hear the song if it’s the last thing i do 🥸 what’s it called? what’s the first lyric?

what book is it? why is it your favourite? summarise it in three words?

i hope you allow yourself to be a child sometimes. growing up so quickly must be tough.

nostalgia is my hamartia, i’m very stuck in the past, whether it is good or bad. also my great aunt has the most beautiful house, i’d love to live there when i’m older but it’ll probably go to the other side of the family. we can hope :)

i don’t really have any definitive life goals. i’m more of a live and let live kind of person, what’ll happen will happen and i shan’t waste time fretting about it. but i would like to own lots of cats when i’m older and have the village i live in suspect me of being a witch. i think that’d be fun.

i love people who talk a lot and are passionate about things they are interested in. there is nothing i enjoy more than listening to someone ramble on about a historical event i’ve never heard of or a movie i’ll never see. my best friend is very much a talkative person and i think that’s why we get on so well.

how many people can come to my party? i would probably invite: my two best friends, david bowie, regulus black, frida kahlo, oscar wilde, amy winehouse, boris pavlikovsky (from the goldfinch), my great great uncle who’s existance no one knew about until a few weeks ago (he had a very interesting life) and you :) i think we’d all have some very interesting conversations.

my favourite quote is ‘i don’t know. poets are always taking the weather so personally. they’re always sticking their emotions in things that have no emotions.’ from the catcher in the rye.

questions for you:

- what are you doing right now?

- are you religious?

- how do you define art?

- do you want to get married? would you marry a friend in a non-romantic way?

- what’s your favourite smell?

- what would you name this chapter of your life?

- are you a responsible person?

- what’s your favourite punctuation mark and why?

HAHA HI!!! i missed you too!! i was telling the jegulily server about how i missed you…… then again, idk who you are, so maybe you saw that. (mysterious music.) anyway i hope you’re well & i mean… didn’t you say you were going to see harry yesterday? so you MUST BE well

re: your song… it’s called counting hours. you’re not gonna find it online but maybe i’ll send it to you if/when you tell me who you are. (not holding it hostage, i just don’t wanna post it publicly hahaha!! first line is “spent the early hours of june reading quotes from whitman” i guess you don’t know what that has to do with you, but the rest of the song is… a little more obvious xx

the book is looking for alaska! i think i mentioned it before. i like how it explores grief and unanswerable questions, as well as how it talks about growing up. for three words, i don’t know, i’d maybe say “famous last words” :)

you definitely seem like the type of person one would mistake for a witch. and believe me, that is the highest of compliments coming from me. and about nostalgia, YEAH. yeah. G-d yeah. i feel like nostalgia rules my life sometimes, but i don’t really mind that? i was talking with my dad about that recently, about trying to recreate old memories & bring the past back. i think there’s something beautiful about that.

i like the live & let live philosophy. i think it makes for an interesting life. my favorite kinds of people are the ones who aren’t afraid to do something unexpected, to seek out new opportunities & go on adventures. a change of plans is my favorite thing. have you always been like that, or is your decision to embrace that a new thing? (i am ignoring your use of the word shan’t, lest i make a fool out of myself in my own tumblr post…)

listening to people ramble is a secret favorite of mine. i have a friend who’s really into films, & i love to get him ranting about his favorite plot lines & all that cinematography stuff that i don’t understand. i don’t even like movies! but i like listening to him talk about them. what’s something you like to ramble about like that?

i like your quote & i like your dinner party. i question how wise it is to invite boris, given he’d probably derail the whole thing… but i suppose that’s the whole point, and what makes it fun. consider this my rsvp! i think regulus, bowie, & boris would either be best friends or sexy rivals. can’t decide, but i’m here for it. also, your great great uncle?? i would love to hear the story there.

right now, i’m sitting on a porch swing & thinking about you. the temperature is perfect out here, humid enough to feel like a hug without descending into something more like a chokehold. i keep getting distracted & staring at the daylilies across the road. i was sitting in the living room before, but my parents were talking so i stepped out here to focus on writing this. after, i think i’ll play guitar for a bit – i was working on something earlier that i’d like to continue.

yes, i am religious! i’m a religious jew, which i think i’ve probably mentioned before because i honestly don’t shut up about it. it’s shabbat today, & i actually just got back from an event at synagogue. it was a pride event more than a religious thing, though – i convinced the rabbi to go out in drag, which was fucking brilliant honestly. anyway, judaism is easily one of the most important things to me. how about you? i always worry it’s rude to ask but i love talking about faith.

okay i had a conversation about defining art a few months ago & it just about broke my brain… genuinely it was in like january but i still don’t have an answer, no matter how much i think about it. i kinda think art is an arbitrary categorization we use to fit human expression into a box, but my opinion there could be changed with a strong wind. help????

i’d definitely like to get married someday, but it’s not a goal i’m working towards or anything… obviously, i think. i’d definitely marry a friend. it all comes down to whether it’s the right person. (if this is an offer, my answer is yes xx)

my favorite smell is rotting wood.

i’d name this chapter of my life “the wandering” because i feel like i’m looking for something, but i’m not sure what it is & i’m not in any rush. taking my time! it feels a lot like wandering.

responsible??? me???????? i suppose it depends on what you mean by responsible. in some regards, sure. in others, not at all. i don’t like the idea of responsibility, though, it feels stifling – i’d rather dedicate myself to things out of love than out of any sense of responsibility. not sure if that makes sense or answers your question.

i like semicolons!! as my best friend can surely tell you… i just feel like they conceptualize my ceaseless need for elaboration. i’m wary of overusing them. but yeah i learned how to use a semicolon in elementary school & i’ve been terrorizing people with them ever since.

as always, i love the questions you pick! some from me:

- what grounds you?

- what’s a feeling you find overwhelming? how do you cope?

- what’s your relationship with music? what does it mean to you, how do you interact with it?

- favorite fruit?

- tell me a secret?

hope to see you in my inbox soon!! kind regards <3

#asks #question anon #thoughts with lem

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1battlecry · 2 years

Text

I think it’s time to vent. I don’t care if no one will read this, or if a hundred people will read it. I guess I am writing this for me. Usually I write my thought in my notebook, but I think I just need this to be out there.

I have been feeling numb this past week. I struggle a lot with anxiety and depression, but this past week I have spent my days in bed and drowning myself in music. I didn’t even feel joy when my favorite band, Imagine Dragons, released their new album. I am a massive fan and their music is a big comfort for me, but I just felt nothing while listening to the new songs? I was even desperate enough that I wanted so badly to feel sad or angry, but instead I just felt nothing. Now, a few days later, I feel numb but it has shifted a little to also feeling sad. And able to write this post.

When I don’t feel numb I feel scared. I’m so, so scared of the future. I am finishing my school currently and after I am supposed to start working.

My whole life I have dreamt of working with horses, they have made me happy my whole life, even if it was bad, I always had my horses to brighten my day. But now I am finishing my equine school after 3 years and I am getting my dergee. But this school has made me realize that, probably, I don’t want to work in this world. So many of these people are so horrible, towards people and horses, and I don’t want to be involved in that, even though I still love horses and I still want a future in it.

So now that I’ve got that figured out I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing. Sure, I could get a simple job to start with and see how it goes, but that is a big and very scary step for me to take. I have social anxiety and it is crippling to think about starting a job, which I don’t know if I’m going to like, or if the people are going to like me. I have a lot of trouble befriending people and getting people to like me, even though I KNOW I am a good and nice person. People just see me being nice, but never want to actually be friends with me. So there is also the part of me feeling lonely and having trouble with self image.

So now my parents are starting to pressure me about getting a job too. But I’m so scared of the future that I feel no desire at all to think and let alone talk about it. So I’ve been avoiding talking with them about it. But last night they confronted me in a way that I couldn’t simply escape. And the thing is, my mom is nice about all of this and likes a nice approach, but my dad, who values working hard, does not want to be nice about it. So I got angry, he got angry and after I was sad. I could finally cry again. That was the shift between me only feeling numb, to me feeling numb or sad. My parents do really want to help, but they just don’t understand and there is no way to make them understand either. I don’t want to try, I’m also scared of talking how I’ve been feeling, they don’t understand depressive thoughts and anxiety like this.

I just want to be happy, is that really too much to ask?

So now I’m back to listening to Imagine Dragons and twenty øne piløts, they both bring me loads of comfort and even though their music sometimes makes me feel sad too, feeling sad is better than feeling nothing. |-/

If anyone read this whole vent, thank you. I don’t think this is going to add anything to your life or help you in anyway, but for me it feels a little better to have my thoughts out there.

I hope you are having an amazing day and I hope it will get even better for you <3

#vent tag #personal vent #sorry for being depressing #why am i like this #depressing post #anxiety #social anxiety #im sorry #i dont want to exist #thats much easier #why am i posting this #therapy #imagine dragons #twenty øne piløts #music is therapy #music is my cure to depression #stay alive #please drink water #i probably need help

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gwentrification · 2 years

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Got tagged by the lovely @wuggen for an ask thign so here goes!

Last...

Beverage: Cranberry-pomegranate juice! It’s so good.

Phone call: Talked with my parents about some student loan stuff because we live in a society.

Text message: Also talking with my mom about aforementioned student loans.

Song you listened to: Uhhhhhh I’ve been on an FFXIV music kick lately because I’m a nerd so I think the Shadowbringers theme?

Time you cried: The last time I really cried was a few weeks ago probably. Personal stuff etc.

Have you ever...

Dated someone twice: Nope!

Kissed someone and regretted it: Yeah. My first couple romantic relationships were less because I was feeling it and more a mildly cute person asked.

Lost someone special: In some ways! I don’t talk as much with some of my old friends as I should.

Been depressed: You fucking know it

Been drunk and threw up: Yes. 4Loko is of the devil and I fear any person who drinks that shit for fun

Last year, have you...

Made a new friend: A lot lately yeah!

Fallen out of love: Nyope

Laughed until you cried: Yes! If the humor is just stupid enough I turn into a hyena.

Found out who your true friends are: This is a weird question tbh.

Found out someone was talking about you: Nope! Though if they were, that’s fine I guess? I’ve been known to talk about other people so it would be unfair not to accept it in kind.

General

How many people on your fb friends list do you know in real life?: The last time I used Facebook was to stalk potential jurors for a jury trial that never happened lmao.

List 3 favorite colors: Most blues, black, and the red of leaves in the autumn.

Firsts

First surgery: I think I got my tonsils out when I was a baby?

First piercing: Had my nips pierced for a while but I took them out when I started HRT. should really get them re-pierced at some point.

First best friend: Some nerd named Cole. Considered him my best friend up until like 7th grade.

First sport you joined: I did soccer for five minutes when I was like seven before I burst into tears and went home.

First vacation: My family used to go to the Outer Banks when I was younger! Beautiful area really. I’m usually a mountains gal but I could live there or in Provincetown and just watch the sea forever.

First pair of trainers: I have no goddamn idea.

Right now

Eating: Cheap yakisoba because I didn’t feel like being healthy. It’s got spice packets :)

Drinking: Cranberry juiceeeeeee

I’m about to: Probably play some games with my roommate in a bit!

Your future

Want kids: I’m a grade A idiot, I would so mess up a child. If I ever do want them I’ll probably adopt; I doubt I’m fertile at this point anyway

Get married: Seems messy in poly relationships, but I might consider it for the tax benefits.

Career: Attorney, hopefully! Gotta actually study for the LSAT.

Which is better

Lips or eyes: Eyes! There are so many variations.

Hugs or kisses: Hugs! Kissing is a lot of fun but sometimes the concept grosses me out.

Shorter or taller: Taller, though I’m not really picky about it!

Older or younger: Generally a bit older? Dating younger feels a bit weird to me.

Romantic or spontaneous: I feel like romance can be spontaneous?

Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomacchhhh. So much to love. Though if a girl can pick me up there’s at least a 70% chance that I’m swooning.

Sensitive or loud: Sensitive I think. I don’t mind a bit of noise but too much sets me on edge.

Hook-up or relationship: Relationship! I don’t mind hookups but I wouldn’t do it with someone I wasn’t at least acquainted with.

Trouble maker or hesitant: Depends on the trouble!

Have you ever...

Kissed a stranger: Nyope

Drank hard liquor: Yes, but I prefer vodka in some kind of juice.

Lost glasses/contacts: I can see, HA

Sex on first date: Hmmm sorta! My first bf and I got a little handsy after we got back from visiting Niagara Falls, but we weren’t dating before then so I would hesitate to call that a date (hesidate?)

Broke someone’s heart: Probably yeah. It’s made me a bit more cautious about just leaping into romance.

Been arrested: Nyope

Turned someone down: Yeee. Internet dating can be hard

Cried when someone died: Yes

Do you believe in...

Yourself: I do exist yeah

Miracles: Nah

Love at first sight: I’m not going to judge every person’s experience, but it doesn’t really happen to me personally. I can form crushes easily but it takes some time for that to deepen.

Heaven: Not really, and I don’t really care if it does exist

Santa Claus: Only when it’s funny

Kiss on the first date: If the vibes are right

Angels: I hold to that most centrist of theistic beliefs, agnosticism. I think the existence of the divine would be in some ways very comforting, but in others very disturbing. On the whole I’m inclined to think not.

Apparently you’re supposed to tag 25 people but I feel uncomfortable just @ing people so if you really wanna do it go for it and pretend I called you out specifically

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queerbuckleys · 2 years

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you'll be a real good listener, you'll be honest, and one day you'll be brave [1k | 5x17 coda |uncle!buck | feelings realization (in more ways then one) | phone calls] {ao3} a/n: i srsly have no idea where this came from lmao. i started with the picture of buck talking through things with jee and then eddie called and then it was a thousand words 🤷. title inspired by a better son/daughter by rilo kiley. takes place a few minutes after the end of 5x17, major spoilers.

Buck stares at his niece, she's sitting in his lap, leaning against his legs that are propped up on the coffee table, and is studying the hem of her shirt intently.

"Eddie really chose the worst week to go to Texas huh kid," he sighs rubbing his thumbs over her toes. She looks up at him and scrunches her face, shakes her head and lets out a "Buh!"

"Sorry, I'm not pleasant company Jee," he pauses, "Your parents are being real silly you know that? But they've done this before. Took a minute. And then you happened!" He pokes her belly and she lets out a shriek of giggles, "But whatever happens, I hope you know you have the best mom in the whole world. She fought so many battles to have you, to be with you. And your dad, well, he put up with me, and survived so much too. You're a really lucky kid. But mostly cause you have me for an uncle," he smiles softly, and Jee's eyes begin to droop as he brings her to his chest, his hand spanning her entire back as he stands and makes his way to her room.

He sits in the rocking chair and reads her Pat the Bunny a couple times and then hums a few songs until she is solidly asleep. He just holds her for a moment. And a lump settles in his throat as a realization washes over him. He wants this. He has this. Well not this exactly, but something close, and close enough.

He sets her down in her crib, and she shifts and snuffles, but ultimately settles, taking a deep breath and sighing.

His phone is buzzing on the coffee table when he returns to the living room. He doesn't even look, and just hits the side button, sending the call to voicemail. Because it was probably Taylor. Calling to explain herself. And he can't yell at her. Not with Jee asleep down the hall. He doesn't want to talk to her anyway. He's not even sure what he would say.

His phone starts buzzing incessantly again. So he answers. Because she'll probably just keep calling. Even though that doesn't sound too much like her. So he answers, not even looking at the screen.

"Look Taylor, I can't do this with you right now. Jee is asleep, and if I yell-"

"It's not Taylor," Eddie's warm voice washes over him,

"Oh," he breathes out, the tension falling out of his shoulders, "your dad picked out a really shitty week to have a party. Chris isn't on the phone is he?"

"No, he's asleep," Buck can hear the soft smile that plays across Eddie's lips, "So, what happened? Why are you with Jee? Maddie and Chim okay?"

"Jonah kidnapped Hen and Chimney," he takes a breath, "Eddie, he killed him twice and brought him back twice thank God. He killed Claudette. They're both fine, just staying overnight at the hospital for observation, but Eds-"

"Holy shit. And where the piece Taylor fit in?"

"She helped put the Claudette pieces together. Or rather, had the evidence in the form of news footage. She said it was off the record but-"

"She reported it anyway," he doesn't question.

"She had this look in her eye, called it all fascinating. God I feel so stupid. She hasn't changed an inch in three years."

"You believed in her. Saw the good. That doesn't make you stupid. That's one of the things that makes you, you Buck."

"How's it going over there?" Buck asks,

"I'll answer but don't think that doesn't mean we're done talking about your stuff."

Buck rolls his eyes and huffs out a breath.

"So, guess who's dad has been hiding heart issues for over a year?"

"You're kidding."

"Three stents, Buck," he sighs, "and all it took was me berating him for making me grow up too fast."

"And you said that you didn't want any drama."

"Turns out I am the drama," he laughs a little, "May taught me that. We talked more later. I cried in front of him, Buck. I told him about my panic attacks, and therapy. And he told me he didn't want to miss anymore of my life. I never thought-"

"I'm so proud of you Eddie. So proud," Buck squeezes the phone in his hand wishing he could look Eddie in the eye right now. "And I'm gonna tell you again when I can hug you and- But I am so proud of you. And I'm happy for you. For both of you."

And silence washes over them. Listening to each other breathe.

"I have to break up with her don't I?" Buck sighs after a few minutes.

"You said it not me."

"And it's not just this one thing. I don't know that I'm in love with her. I kept telling myself that I had to be, cause she said she loved me. But when I think about the future she's not the one I'm thinking about. I think about my kids and my future and I-I don't see her, I don't see little red haired and blue eyed babies. And I need partner. Someone I can trust. Someone who doesn't make me look over my shoulder at every turn. Someone who has my-" he swallows the last word before he says it.

"Yeah, I think that's what we're all looking for at the end of the day," Buck hears the smile again, "and to quote you, that's not how you talk about someone you're in love with,"

"Yeah," he swallows, "Well, it's late there. And we both has weird days. So I'll let you get to bed. Give Chris a hug for me. See you at the airport tomorrow."

"Will do. See you tomorrow. Goodnight, Buck."

"Night Eddie."

He hangs up the phone and takes a breath. He pads down the hallway to check on Jee, still sound asleep. And grabs a pillow and a blanket from the closet before settling on the couch. It hits him, what he almost said, "I think about my kids and I see Chris...Someone who has my back."

"Shit," he whispers to the ceiling.

#buddie #911 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #jee yun buckley han #aj writes stuff #tusercourty #tuserzee #thatbuddie #userceecee #usersharky #usercombat #useroliii #useryb #tagnic #userweres #buddiefanfiction

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sunball · 3 years

Text

WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR PERSON'S LIFE RIGHT NOW + A MESSAGE FROM THEM

𖦹 this reading includes what is going on in your person’s life right now, what they (or their higher self) want to say to you at this moment and songs they'd like to give you. this reading is more about your future spouse or your future partner, someone who you may not be in contact with but you're curious about what they're doing.

𖦹 so there will be two paragraphs for each pile (what your person is doing and what they want to say to you). you can choose more than one pile. ex: pile 1 for what your person is doing and pile 2 for the message.

𖦹 how does this work? close your eyes and take deep breaths, pick the pile you are most drawn to. If you aren’t drawn to any pile then that’s okay, these messages aren’t for you.

𖦹 take what resonates.

THE PILES

PILE 01

now playing:

pile 01's songs

THEIR LIFE

hello pile 01, welcome to your reading. I'm getting a lot of fire energy here, especially leo. I'm hearing Leo in 1st and 10th house, aries in 8th house, aries mars, mars in 10th house and also Venus in 2nd and 3rd house. I'm also getting gemini and capricorn. capricorn mars, aquarius venus. If these aren't your placements then they're most likely your person's placements. or perhaps, those are their transits. I feel a lot of confident energy from your person, I think they are at a good place right now. Your person has been betrayed and heartbroken quite recently but I feel like they're not trying to let that get to them. they're keeping their head high, focusing on their goals and working really hard. the pain motivated them to work hard, maybe as a way to get revenge? In their head, they may think that if they work hard, they can show off their success to the person that broke them like "hey, look at me now!". for some others, it's possible that they're working really hard because the work distracts them from the pain and the situation. they're acting like the pain isn't affecting them, I'm seeing them just laughing and hanging out with a group of people (their friends?) acting like theyre not dealing with any problems. your person is definitely at a period of time where work is only on their mind, they're hungry for success. success is the only thing your person is heading towards, it's the only direction they see. love isn't on your person's mind at all so I doubt that you've crossed their mind. but little do they know, the direction that they're heading towards will also lead them to you. your person may have travelled somewhere recently or maybe they're thinking of travelling somewhere else. there is change on the horizon for your person, maybe they will be promoted soon or moving countries, going to university, etc. they are so ambitious. I'm seeing piles of paper on desks, papers stuck on walls with dates and notes on them and also quotes. motivational quotes perhaps. your person is also working out, they could be getting up quite early. 6 am? I'm getting mad mars in 6th house vibes from your person. they're feeling burnt out, they have so much on their plate but they're not stopping anytime soon because they like it and also because they have no choice. they're also taking many responsibilities, I'm hearing house chores, work and looking after their parents or siblings. your person could be a student, a business person or they could work in an office. they're organizing their workspace and keeping track of their schedule, getting ready for the next chapter of their life. laziness is not in your person's vocabulary!

THEIR MESSAGE

you know, I am so busy right now. I'm too exhausted to even think about love, to think about you. I don't think about it anymore unlike before. I know at times you feel like we're nowhere close and you doubt my existence because of how distant I feel and I'm sorry. It is partially true, we're nowhere close to eachother and we're both individual human beings. let's live in the present and experience things and meet new people without having to think about eachother. I don't feel right about thinking of the future and just hoping for something to happen, hoping to just end up with someone like you. It doesn't feel right. I need to do something, I need to take action. that's exactly what I'm doing now. It gives me a sense of stability knowing that I'm taking action and there's a high possibility of my dreams coming true. I've promised myself that I won't stop working until I've achieved everything. I can't do all of this by myself, I need your help too. I'm asking you a favour, do your part. I'm doing mine. work hard and don't slack off. I'm sorry again for sounding cold, I'm not like this on a daily basis. I'm just really tired. I need to get my point across. don't slack off. please. I'll keep saying that. oh, that reminds me. at times I will definitely sound like a teacher or a boss, it's just a habit I got from work. It's not my intention to make you feel stupid, I know you're smart. I wanted you to know that because I don't want you to think I'm generally a cold person. I'm not. when tarot readers or psychics or astrologers or whoever says that I'm cold, they only mean when I'm at work or when I'm busy or serious. I would never be like that to someone I love, especially you. truthfully speaking, you don't know much about me at all especially if you think I'm a cold person. that thought you have of me stops now. I'm guessing that you're curious about me now. I like to look neat and clean, I don't like bright colours, they look unprofessional. I hang out with my friends sometimes and we just have lunch at a café or a local restaurant. I'm on my computer a lot so my back always hurts but I'm doing exercises to help me with it. I have too many cookbooks that I don't use because I don’t have much time, I end up freestyling my food and cooking up some eggs. I need to get better at managing time. I don't like people that don't practice what they preach, it irritates me. now for my appearance. this, in no way is useful information that will help us in any way but I suppose I'll just tell you. I have a sharp nose, it's pointy and a little wide. I don't have any piercings. I don't have bangs. as for my eyes, they're brown and deep-set. my lips? they're just lips. you'll love them anyway so it doesn't matter. my hair? neat and brown. you'll love it too. that's enough. you can stop trying to get to know me now, leave that for when we meet. you can know me more yourself when the time comes, I like the process of getting to know someone and the effort someone puts into getting to know me. until then, keep working hard.

PILE 02

now playing:

pile 02's songs

THEIR LIFE

I’m getting cancer energy from the pile, also pisces and gemini and libra. I’m hearing cancer/pisces/ libra venus, venus in 5th/7th/12th house, pisces moon, mercury in 7th house, cancer in 2nd house, gemini rising. if these aren’t your placements then they’re most likely your person’s, if not then these may be their transits. right now I feel like your person is trying something new, especially a hobby. I’m getting ‘painting’ for some of you. for others, your person has started something new like a project or they moved to a new house, something like that. there’s this feeling of ‘newness’ in your person’s life right now. they have so much passion for whatever this ‘newness’ is. they’re excited for this change, they can’t wait to move to the next stage. I’m feeling a positive energy coming from your person. their creativity is flowing through their blood, they feel inspired and joyous. some of you may not like to hear this but your person may have gotten in a relationship with someone or they want to get into a relationship with someone. they have a crush. I feel like there’s still an important choice to be made and your person has waited such a long time for the next stage, the relationship stage. I feel like their crush or their partner isn’t showing them that much attention, it feels quite one sided (your person giving more), they’re doing so much for their crush/partner but I feel like your person isn’t seeing it right, they’re just so blinded. like a little kid when they have a crush. If you don’t like what you’re hearing, don’t worry, they’re your person for a reason. anyways for others of you, I’m seeing your person listening to music while they’re doing their new hobby. painting is coming really strong, I’m seeing an easel. If it’s not a hobby then your person is feeling in love, whether it be a person or something else. their head is in the clouds, they’re listening to love songs, feeling so inspired by everything around them. love and venus themes is really important in your person’s life right now. If you’ve been listening to love songs recently or if you just feel all lovey-dovey, it’s most likely because of your person, you’re connected to your person. or if you feel inspired out of nowhere, it’s probably because of your person too. I just felt like I had to let you know that. sooner or later though, your person will realise that the relationship is one sided and they will give up on it. this will hit your person really hard, it will be a hard lesson for them. perhaps even the last lesson because I feel like your person has always done too much for people that don’t deserve their love. your person has experienced a lot and learnt many lessons except for this, when they learn this though, they will have learnt all the lessons. they can tick this off their box. I’m getting such wise Pisces vibes from them. for lots of you, your person is already in the 'realisation' stage and there's about to be a change in their life.

THEIR MESSAGE

It’s been challenging these days, maybe even these past few weeks and maybe even months too. It’s fine though, I can get through it. you don’t have to worry about me. I have a gut feeling that something is going to happen soon, disappointments? I’m not surprised, I’ve been so stuck in my own head. I don’t know why I keep giving people more. so stupid of me. maybe it’s not my fault? maybe it’s their fault for giving less, who knows. I don’t know how to stop. why do I do this? I keep getting disappointed over and over again, I’m starting to not have hope anymore. despite this, I still think love is beautiful. with the right person. love is not only limited to romantic love though, which is what I’ve learnt recently. I’ve been so fixated on romantic relationships that I’ve forgotten about the beautiful things around me. surprisingly, there’s love everywhere. do you know what I love? I love the stars, I love flat white coffee, I love the smell of fresh grass, I love nature and the sun, I love dogs (especially small dogs) and I love experiences. experiences that shape me into a better person, painful or not, I love those. not to sound masochistic – but I love pain. I learn from pain. love has always been painful for me but I’m still giving people my all, wrong people to be precise. Is that why I keep falling for people that don’t care about me? because I love getting hurt? now that I’ve thought of it, it sounds terrible. I need to fix that. I feel embarrassed now that you know this, please don’t shake your head. I will fix it. I want this cycle to end. don’t be worried about me. you should continue living your life, there’s yet so much you can experience. places to go, new people to meet, new activities to do. so much. I’d love to experience so many things with you. do you like road trips? I’d love to go on a picnic date too, does stargazing sound good? we could travel around the world, that’s on my bucket list. so many ideas but there’s still so much distance and time between us. I feel excited thinking about it, I want to do so much right now and experience so many things. by the time we meet, I might already have a long white beard because I’ll be so wise *laughs*. who knows, white hair does look awesome. I think it might suit me actually. on a serious note, I want you to know that you should not be afraid to try new things. don't be afraid of change. regret is scarier than change, staying in the same place and not growing is scarier than change. you may lose something good but what if you gain something even better? I’ll be there for you every step of the way, I’m always there for you even though I’m not there with you physically. do you feel me? I’m so proud of you. If you see an opportunity, take it or you’ll regret it later. don’t be afraid of saying no or saying yes, you deserve to be heard, assert your dominance *laughs*. I love you, take care of yourself. you can do it. [:

PILE 03

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pile 03's songs

THEIR LIFE

I'm getting mutable and fixed energy here, especially scorpio, virgo, leo, sagittarius. maybe scorpio rising and sagittarius rising with pluto in 1st house. I'm hearing saturn in 8th house, saturn in 22°, scorpio sun or moon aspecting saturn, pluto and sun or moon sitting in the same house. if these aren't your placements then they're most likely your person's. these could be their transits too. your person is going through a transformation, something had recently happened in their life that has caused this transformation. I'm thinking it's death, a death of a loved one like a family member, a friend or a pet. someone close to them. If it's not a death of a loved one then it's a death of a cycle, a death of a job, a relationship, something like that. something that came to an end. it's affecting your person badly and they feel so much guilt. they're missing and mourning over whatever this is. they're pessimistic, they feel like the whole world is against them and that their would turned upside down. they have no hope anymore, they're not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm seeing that image of Yuu Otasaka from the anime Charlotte. I think your person is exactly like that right now. depressed. I see tissues, dark rooms and hoodies and blankets. also gaming for a number of you (interesting how the picture you chose is a picture of keys). they're going through it right now and they need support. your person is not communicating with many people or interacting with anyone at all, they're pushing people away. looking at the picture of the pile you chose, I realised it says "wish you were here". now this could mean that they wish that the person they lost were still with them or they wish that someone could come and support them or comfort them, or for a few amount of you, this could be meaning you. they wish you were there with them. however, I don't think love is a thought that comes in their mind in this period of time. it's more like, they're screaming into a void wishing someone could hear them, not directly meaning you. for others of you, I'm getting a different situation. your person may have gotten fired or they tried something but it didn't work out and they had so much hope for it. they badly wanted it to work out and now your person is feeling disappointed in themselves, like someone just ripped away something really valuable to them. your person doesn't know that the reason this, whatever this is, didn't work out is because it wasn't meant to. It's not part of their divine plan. It honestly saved your person from future problems but they don't know that. It's a blessing in disguise. I'm strongly feeling it's something related to their job or maybe love, 'right place, wrong time' is what I'm hearing. your person is blaming themselves for it all, thinking it was because of time, lack of planning or they didn't try hard enough. It isn't true, they should be easy on themselves.

THEIR MESSAGE

I don't know what to say. I don't feel like saying much. why do you want to know anyway? do you care? am I interesting? I'm not all that special, you know. here I go again, making sh*t sad. I'll try and make this light-hearted as possible because you shouldn't see this side of me, not so soon. not like this. *silence* I'll start off by saying that you can't control whatever life throws at you. but you can control your reactions and how you deal with it. I'm not doing very well, not dealing with it the way I usually do. It hit me hard and I don't like being sad like this and not doing anything, not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to talk to anyone, not finding joy in the things I love doing. I hate this f*cking feeling and the way I'm dealing with it. I heard that you should let yourself feel everything once in a while. I'm f*cking feeling everything alright. why did I not let myself feel before? now it's all consuming me. all of my problems and emotions, this darkness inside of me, erupting. I regret this. I regret acting like I was fine before, finding distractions. now I know that being distracted doesn't necessarily mean that it's gone, the problem is still there. don't do what I did. let yourself feel. or it will all build up and eat you alive. you don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want you to be sad, god no. definitely not like this. but if being sad will help you then that's certainly fine by me, just don't act like you're fine. that will hurt me much more. just do what I say. showing emotions is not a sign of weakness. look at me, I'm so f*cked up because of not thinking that. this feeling will go away, right? right. If you need to let it all out, do it. I can feel your sadness, the nights you cried, I felt them. those tears of yours, I want to wipe them away but I'm not there. it sucks. I need you here. I need a good f*cking hug right now. I want you to be happy but I don't know how. I'd do anything to see that smile of yours. that precious smile that I have yet to see. I know it's precious. listen to me. I need you. I need you to stay strong. you're so strong and much more emotionally intelligent than I am. I am so in awe. your strength gives me energy, you give me energy. you're the light of my life. I hope our kids will be as beautiful and as amazing as you. I'm glad I was given the chance to talk to you like this. I love you, sunshine.

#pick a card #pick a card reading #pac #tarot reading #pick a pile #pick a pile reading #pick a card tarot #astrology observations #pick a pile tarot #sunballtarot #pac reading #pac tarot #free readings

1K notes · View notes

mizunetzu · 3 years

Note

wait okay i have so many ideas you have no clue- okay so basically y/n is too scared to confess to either ushijima or shinsou (you decide lol) so he just puts love notes in his locker :)) but ushijima/shinsou catches him one day so he teases him about it but he liked y/n too so he lowkey confesses and its super fluffy i- 🥺🥺 i've had this idea for so long but i have no clue where to start writing it myself lolll

Guess who...took 4 months...to do Mr. Shinsoussimps request...not me...ahahaha...what are you talking about...BUT ANYWAYS IM SO SORRY MR SHINSOU PLS TAKE THIS FIC AS MY APOLOGIES

——————

Ushijima x reader - Secret Admirer Love Letter-kun!

⚠️warnings - none

Pronouns- male, he/him

——————

(Y/n’s) hands shook as he traced the linings of his love letter.

It had a red, heart-shaped sticker on the seal flap, with the words ‘To Ushijima-san’ written in royal purple across the back. The letter had slight crinkles from the shaky grip (Y/n) held it with.

His heart raced purely thinking about how Ushijima would react. Would he even react? Or would he just look at him with that blank stare and walk past him? Would he be ridiculed for being a man giving a love letter to another man?

Every single intrusive thought made (Y/n) want to tear up the letter and flush it down a toilet. Nonetheless, he stood next to Ushijima’s locker, waiting for him to appear.

His legs shook. His heart felt like it was going to explode out of his chest. He could physically feel the sweat running down his forehead. He was probably gaining stares from other students for standing near Ushijima’s locker and panicking silently.

All these ‘what-if’s’ was beginning to make (Y/n) second-guess his decision. Maybe he couldn’t do this after all...

No! He had to! He’s been harboring his feelings for Ushijima for years now, and he was getting nowhere! Even if it was rejection, and he certainly hoped it was not, he needed an answer!

Just as if right on cue, (Y/n) heard the familiar deep voice of Ushijima coming down the hall. He wasn’t saying much, but the accompanied grunts of acknowledgement to Tendou’s ramblings was enough proof it was him. Without thinking, (Y/n’s) panic took over him, shoving his love letter into Ushijima’s locker and dashing out of the way.

He blended himself in with the gaggle of students near their lockers, watching Ushijima as he opened his own locker.

“Ara?” Tendou cocked his head when the letter (Y/n) slipped in fluttered out. It landed on the floor gracefully. Ushijima bent over and plucked it off the ground.

“Our Wakatoshi~kun has a secwet admiwer?” Tendou squashed his face together and boared curious eyes into the heart-shaped sticker on the note. Ushijima grunted.

“It seems to be a love letter.” Ushijima’s low voice sent even more panic through (Y/n). He didn’t want to be there while he opened the letter. But here he was, 10 feet away from him as he carefully peeled off the heart sticker from the envelope.

Ushijima’s eyes silently scanned the letter, it’s meticulous, thought-out writing filling Ushijima’s eyes. The silence rang so, so loud to (Y/n), as he watched Ushijima read his love letter with his emotionless face.

After what seemed like forever, Ushijima lifted his head up from the note. (Y/n’s) heart stopped.

“It is a love letter.” (Y/n), and Tendou, deadpanned.

Tendou reached for the letter. “Fiiiiine, then let me see-!”

Ushijima pulled the letter away, raising it above his head and out of Tendou’s easy reach. He lowered the letter and cradled it to his chest.

“No. It’s mine.”

(Y/n’s) heart fluttered. Could this mean-?

“But it does, however, have no name.”

“Awh. Poor Wakatoshi-kun’s admirer must be rewwy shy~”

(Y/n) internally facepalmed. Of course he forgot to sign the note! Why wouldn’t he?! (Y/n) crinkled up his nose. He was still determined to get his feelings to Ushijima.

He turned around, and walked to class. The next day, for sure, he was going to give him a love letter with his signature on it this time.

——

(Y/n) stared down at his paper, then shifted his eyes to the alarm clock sitting tauntingly at his dorm room’s desk, with the bright red numbers 10:35 pm glaring so menacingly at him. Like it was telling him to hurry up and sign the new love letter he just wrote. (Y/n) re-read the letter on his desk for the 6th time that night.

Everything was perfect. It explained his feelings perfectly, explained how long he’d been smitten for him for, hell, he even doodled a small picture of Ushijima himself with a heart next to it in the corner of the page.

Everything was there, except his name.

Did he really want to put his name, though? I mean, (Y/n) saw how...endearing Ushiwaka’s face looked reading his original letter. What if he ruined that when he finds out it was him who wrote it? And not some cute girl?

(Y/n) stared at the empty space on the page where his name was supposed to go. His hand gripped his pencil tighter than he should’ve, and began to write.

‘(L/n) (Y/...’

He stopped. (Y/n) thought about it for awhile, then grabbed his eraser and scrubbed at the name until it was pristine white again.

‘Your secret admirer’

Was all he wrote.

He packaged up the note in another small envelope, pressed a cute little heart sticker to the flap, and went to bed.

——

The next day, (Y/n) made sure to rush to school early to slip the note in his locker. He wanted to see his reaction to his new note. It made him feel sorta high. What kind of face would he make? Would he be delighted? He hoped he would.

(Y/n) crammed the note into Ushiwaka’s locker. No one was around. Good. No one saw him shove the letter through, therefore no one could tell Ushijima it was him. (Y/n) sighed contently, and timpered off somewhere secluded, but somewhere he could still see Ushijima and his locker.

After scrolling on his phone for what seemed like an hour, he heard Tendou’s familiar voice, humming a strange song and trailing next to Ushijima. It was his daily indicator that Ushijima was near. If he could hear Tendou coming, almost 100% Ushijima would be there too. (Y/n) pocketed his phone quickly and peeked behind a row of lockers.

Ushijima silently unhinged his locker, listening to Tendou talk. However, they fell silent when another letter fluttered out from his locker, this time landing so perfectly in his hands.

“Ara ara? Another note from Admirer-chan?”

“Yes. But I know it’s a boy, Tendou.”

(Y/n’s) heart dropped. He watched as Ushiwaka peeled off the heart sticker once more, while continuing his conversation with Tendou.

“Oh yeah? How so?”

Ushijima stopped, and reached into his locker once more. He pulled out (Y/n’s) previous note, and pointed to a line of text scribbled on there so neatly. Tendou raised his eyebrow, and leaned down to inspect the note.

‘-Besides, there’s no way someone as amazing as you can like a guy like me. It’s weird right? I hope you don’t think it’s weird. But I wouldn’t blame you.’

“Ahhhh~ makes sense...” Tendou hooked his arms dramatically over the back of his head. “But do you? Does Wakatoshi-kun think Secret Admirer-kun is weird?”

Ushijima traced the two love letters with his eyes. “I think he’s brave.”

(Y/n) clutched his tightening chest. It suddenly became really hard to breathe. How was Ushijima being so unintentionally sweet?

Tendou cooed. “Awwww, Is our Wakatoshi-kun catching feelings for his Admirer-kun?”

Ushijima folded the two notes back into their envelopes silently. He said nothing to Tendou’s remarks, while gently placing the two love letters back into a safe spot in his locker.

(Y/n) brisk-walked away, flustered, before he could hear his answer.

——

Writing notes and hiding them in Ushijima’s locker became a sort of habit for (Y/n) in the past few weeks.

Every now and then, he’d write a short love letter signed “Your Secret Admirer” or “Admirer-kun” and slip it under Ushijima’s dorm room door or the cracks between his locker. It became an addiction of watching him unravel the note with the tenderness of an angel. For such a big dude, he held each love letter (Y/n) wrote him with such delicacy.

(Y/n) walked with a pep in his step as he arrived to the school building early, like he’d usually been doing. He’d recently been writing small letters, playground compliments like “I think you look nice today!” or “the way you play volleyball gets me all fired up!” but this was the first time in a while he wrote a good chunk of his feelings out.

At first he thought he would make Ushijima uncomfortable, but after many of his personal notes filled with the most wonderful explanations of his feelings, or rambling about dates he’d like to take him on, he’s grown more comfortable with it. Especially after seeing the teeny tiny, barely noticeable blush tinting his cheeks as he read them.

(Y/n) stopped in front of Ushiwaka’s locker. It was a familiar stop, after cramming in letter after letter inside for about a month or two now. It’s been so long that (Y/n) couldn’t even remember himself.

Just as his hand met with the cold metal locker to slip the note in, two hands slammed down on (Y/n’s) shoulders, effectively scaring him shitless.

“I’ve caught you! Secret admirer-kun!”

“Uwaaaah!”

Tendou made a show of flamboyantly pointing his lanky fingers at (Y/n), bending his back father then (Y/n) knew was possible in the process. (Y/n) jittered, swinging his hands in front of him while stuttering incoherently.

“I-it-its not-! It’s not wh-what it-! T-the letter-I was just-I-!”

“There’s no use for it now, Secret-Admirer (L/n)-kun! You’ve been caught red handed!” Tendou stuck his tongue out heartily while (Y/n) broke into a cold sweat. If Tendou kept yelling the whole damn school would hear him.

“I-I’m not the one leaving notes in Ushijima-kun’s locker! I was just-!”

“Oya? Then how did you know Wakatoshi-kun was gettin’ notes in his locker in the first place?” Tendou eyed him down half jokingly. (Y/n) sputtered.

“More importantly...” Tendou dramatically pointed to the envelope half-sticking out from the slits of Ushijima’s locker. “Whaaaaats that!?”

“That’s-!”

There was no use fighting Tendou on this. (Y/n) deflated, defeated and grasping on to the wall of lockers for support. “Uuuuu...”

“So, Secret Admirer-“

“S-stop calling me that! Just (L/n) is fine-!”

“-Secret Admirer-kun, what made you fancy our lovely Wakatoshi-kun?”

(Y/n) turned around, facing the locker as Tendou smiled his usual, Tendou-grin. (Y/n) didn’t wanna look at Tendou and his stupid knowing smirk.

“He’s just...I dunno, he’s just so-cool...and stuff...and he’s so nice...looking...”

“Ah, such sophisticated words-tell me, do you write all of this down in the letters you give him?”

“Hey!” (Y/n) whipped his head around.

Tendou chuckled, and part of (Y/n) wanted to smack him upside the head. Tendous laughter eventually died down, as he pretended to wipe a tear from his cheek. He looked back at (Y/n), who was blushing profusely and had his arms crossed.

“Phew...haha...” Tendou cleared his throat. He pointed straight at (Y/n). “Now, here’s some ultra wise words from Satori-sama!” He mimicked a fake drum roll on his lap, before pointing at (Y/n) again.

“Ja-jun~! You should Wakatoshi-kun how you feel about him!”

(Y/n’s) heart got stuck in his throat. “A-are you crazy! I could never! I-I’m not...I’m not...I’m scared..”

“Hm? But you’re not scared to write about how much you wanna kiss him alllllllll oveeeeeer-?”

“That’s different!” (Y/n) yelled, more quietly this time. He turned back to the locker, and tipped the rest of the note in sticking out inside the slit. The note disappeared through the gap, just like all of its predecessors. “Like this, I can tell him how much I love him without him knowing it was from me! What if he’s disappointed it’s me and not some other dude?”

“I’m veeeeeery sure he won’t be. But suit yourself, I guess.” Tendou shrugged. He turned around and left, but not before saying,

“But you’d better tell him yourself before he finds out from someone else.”

“Wait-what does that mea-“

(Y/n) looked back, only to find Tendou gone. (Y/n) stood there, perplexed, before dashing off to his own locker, so he wouldn’t be spotted near Ushijima’s.

——

Everyday when (Y/n) went to slip another note into Ushiwaka’s locker, Tendou’s words would ring in his mind.

‘You’d better tell him yourself before he finds out from someone else.’

He knew that. He knew that but he couldn’t stop himself from cowardly slipping notes into Ushijima’s locker, just to run and take cover as he opened them up. And one time he could swear Tendou was looking right at him in his hiding spot when Ushijima was reading one of his letter.

(Y/n) shook the thoughts from his head. That happened 3 days ago, and nothing happened. Tendou was probably just trying to scare him into telling him. Yeah. There’s no way anyone could’ve found out about him being Ushijima’s secret admirer.

He huffed and strode up to Ushijima’s locker, just like he did every time before that. No one was in the hallway. There was no footsteps, at least to (Y/n’s) knowledge, and Tendou wasn’t around with his booming voice. If (Y/n) could hear Tendou coming, chances are Ushijima was not too far behind.

Tendou wasn’t there. (Y/n) was safe. He smiled and rose the letter up to the slot in Ushijima’s locker. He slowly crammed the note in, slowly, slowly until-

Slam!

A large, calloused hand slammed against the locker, making (Y/n) jolt up in surprise. (Y/n’s) heart stopped beating. He felt someone lean against his ear, and then they whispered:

“So Tendou was right. You were the one leaving the letters in my locker.”

“Ushijima-kun-!”

(Y/n) whipped his head around by the speed of lightning, pressing himself against the locker wall as if he’d disappear into it. Stupid fucking Tendou! Of course he’d tell Ushijima!

Ushiwaka didn’t move from his spot in front of (Y/n). His arm outstretched on the wall beside (Y/n) didn’t falter either, making him blush even more. God, he wanted to disappear.

The letter, now hidden crudely behind (Y/n) sweaty back, was being smushed as he tried shrinking in on himself.

“I-I-“ (Y/n’s) mouth ran dry. “It’s not what it looks like-!”

“Hm.” Ushijima’s deep voice manage to startle (Y/n), despite being right infront of him. God, he was close. So close. He’s too close. Oh god, why is he so close?

Ushijima suddenly grabbed (Y/n’s) hand, making him sputter in surprise as Ushijima pulled it out gently. A letter with a red heart sticker on the flap was wedged in between (Y/n’s) shaky, sweaty fingers. Ushijima looked at the envelope, while (Y/n) averted his embarrassed eyes.

“...But it’s exactly what it looks like.”

Words perished in (Y/n’s) throat. If the locker would just open up and swallow him whole, now was the time.

Ushiwaka plucked the note out of (Y/n’s) hands, ignoring the small protests of (Y/n) himself. He tried to grab for the letter, but Ushijima held the envelope high above his head and grabbed at (Y/n’s) shivering wrists. (Y/n) squeaked.

“...why are you trying to grab it back if this letter was meant for me in the first place?” Ushijima looked oblivious to (Y/n’s) embarrassment. (Y/n) croaked. He didn’t even register what Ushiwaka said with how strong and warm his grip on his wrists were.

He didn’t realize Ushijima managed to peel off the heart sticker and fish out the note with his hand until he started reading the letter. His eyes scanned the words, even when (Y/n) quietly squirmed protestingly in his grasp.

“Mm.” Ushijima hummed. (Y/n’s) eyes widened when he realized what he wrote in today’s note.

‘Y’know, I think you’re really cool with how you’re so dedicated to your club. But maybe...one day we could grab a bite to eat after your club activities? Just you and me? And maybe if I’m lucky enough I just might get a kiss from the amazing Ushijima Wakatoshi-kun~’

(Y/n) wanted no more but to die then and there. Ushijima looked at (Y/n) with an unreadable gaze.

“Ah. So it seems in today’s letter, you would like to go out for food and kiss. I am free after club activities today at 6. Are you free at that time or must we reschedule?”

(Y/n) met Ushijima’s state with a confused face. He said nothing-he couldn’t say anything. All he could do was muster up a weak “w-wha..?”

“So...you are not free today...?” Ushijima’s face was normal, but he gave off the same vibe a sad, kicked puppy would. It was sorta cute. (Y/n) waved his hands around frantically in Ushijima’s grasp.

“N-no! That’s not it! I-I’m free! I’m totally free! I just-“

“You just what?” Ushijima cocked his head to the side bluntly. (Y/n) opened his mouth to say something, but let it clamp shut quietly.

(Y/n) averted his gaze. “Well...you don’t think it’s...weird that I was the one leaving you love letters?”

“But I already knew you were a man in the first place.”

“Still!” Ushijima was genuinely confused. (Y/n’s) voice died down a bit.

“Aren’t you...y’know...disappointed?”

Ushijima’s gaze never left (Y/n’s) eyes. “Why would I be disappointed?”

“I’m...w-well...it’s just...”

Ushiwaka placed his free hand on the other side of (Y/n’s) face, effectively trapping him in between his arms. Ushijima’s heavy gaze was too much to bear. (Y/n) instinctively averted his gaze away.

“You still haven’t given me a valid reason to be disappointed.”

“I-“

“You’re lovely, I believe you are very attractive, and you leave nice letters of encouragement in my locker everyday.”

“Wait-“

“I believe we both have feelings for each other. Therefore, I do not see why you are so hesitant on just doing what today’s lovely note said.”

“Ushi-“

“Is this just an excuse to turn me down? Were the letters not your true feelings? Because if so you just have to say so-“

“Ushijima-kun!”

(Y/n) rasped out between his fingers. He was covering his blushing face, and Ushijima didn’t know why until he realized his face was centimeters away from (Y/n’s). If it weren’t for (Y/n’s) hands cupping his face, they’d probably be able to kiss with one push closer.

“P-ple-please s-step back...”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Ushijima moved back, but didn’t quite move his arms from their positions on either side of (Y/n). He blinked. Silence engulfed them both, Ushijima bluntly staring at (Y/n) as he blushed and blushed into his hands.

Ushijima figured he should say something, and even open his mouth to speak when (Y/n) suddenly piped up, bringing his hands down from his face.

“I-I’m free...at 6...”

Ushijima blinked again.

“Ah. Today?”

“Yeah..!”

“Lovely. It is decided then. Will you wait for me at the gym after practice? If not I can pick you up from your dorm room.”

(Y/n) fought the urge to pinch his arm to see if he was dreaming or not. “I-I can meet you at the gym!”

Ushijima smiled gently, and that’s probably the first time (Y/n’s) seen him smile ever. It was so coaxing, relaxed and warm, (Y/n) wanted to take of picture of it and just stare at it for days. Ushijima let his hands fall to his sides. Not before giving a pat to (Y/n’s) head.

“It is decided then. It’s a date.”

(Y/n) had to remind himself to thank Tendou later.

——————

Lowkey this was so fun to write~ why don’t y’all leave some love in the comments because of that~~?

#ushiwaka x male reader #ushijima x male reader #wakatoshiushijima #ushijima wakatoshi #ushy gushy #hq x y/n #hq x male reader #hq ushijima #hq x reader #haikyuu x male reader #haikyuu x reader #ushijima x you #ushijima x reader #ushijima x y/n #mr shinsoussimp

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chasingpj · 3 years

Text

𝐀 𝐒𝐞𝐭-𝐔𝐩

"We should go pick the strawberries over there. Percy and Y/n can work on the ones here."

pairing: percy jackson x child of hecate!reader

words: 3,887

warnings: none?? pls let me know if i missed anything

timeline: post sea of monsters

if you want to be tagged every time I update this story click here

a/n: hi hi! I was supposed to post this yesterday, but oops. I don't have much to say. again, it's a little bit of a slow start just because I want to introduce characters and establish relationship dynamics before getting into the good stuff. anyways, i hope you like it! i love hearing feedback so don't hesitate to reach out to me!

Part One Part Two Part Three

When you were stressed or needed to be alone with your thoughts, you often found yourself in the strawberry fields, either helping collect the harvest or simply sitting on the grass patches nearby. You usually preferred being in the fields alone, peacefully listening to the chirping of the birds and cicadas while inhaling the scent of sun-baked strawberries. However, there were times where you did stumble upon the company of the girls from the Demeter and Aphrodite cabin. You didn't mind hanging out with them, always amused at their banter and choice of conversation. They were always bubbly, taking advantage of the leisure activity to gossip and have girl talk, and it was nice, even if you were just listening.

Today was one of those days where you weren’t alone in the fields. Standing alongside Silena, Katie, and your half-sister, Lou Ellen, you find yourself zoning in and out of their conversation. Their chattering and giggling serve as background noise as you focus on cutting the strawberries from their stems to carefully place them in your basket.

"Who do you think are the cutest boys at camp?" You hear Silena ask when you decide to tune back into their conversation. A silence falls amongst the group; Katie and Lou Ellen were suddenly hesitant to speak. You look up, waiting for one of them to break the silence because it definitely wasn’t going to be you.

"I know what you're doing! You're trying to find out our crushes," Katie points her finger at Silena accusingly. Lou Ellen nods,

“Yeah, we know your tricks, Silena! You’re gonna try and set us up with people.”

"What? No!" Silena denies, but the smirk on her face said otherwise. "I'm just asking in general! You can find someone cute and not have a crush on them,” she points out. The three of you weren’t convinced at Silena’s claims, and the silence returns. You turn back to what you were doing, not really wanting to trap yourself in this conversation, and you decide to leave the pressure of confession to Katie and Lou Ellen.

"Okay.” Katie turns her body to face you. You hesitantly meet her gaze, already knowing what she's going to confess. "... this might be weird, but I think your brother is really cute," she admits, giggling nervously as she looks at both you and Lou Ellen. You scrunch your nose, shaking your head while Lou Ellen joins your reaction as she gags theatrically. The confession didn't surprise you, but it still felt weird to hear it.

"He's ugly!" You exclaim. Silena laughs, her head thrown back as Katie gasps at your insult about Atticus. Even though this wasn't the first time you've heard this from girls at camp, you still found it strange. Even your mortal friends have told you that they think your brother is adorable. You’ll never admit it out loud to anyone, but you were aware that your brother definitely wasn't ugly. Obviously, he wasn't if almost all of your friends had to mention his appearance at least once. Not only was Atticus conventionally attractive, but he was also a natural flirt, so he got attention from girls fairly easily. So much so that before your mother claimed you, Connor and Travis Stoll swore you guys were going to be claimed by Aphrodite.

You've only seen him flirt a handful of times, usually with the wood nymphs and playfully with the girls from the Aphrodite cabin. It was strange seeing girls flirt with him and giggle at all his stupid jokes because that “smooth” Atticus they meet is so different from the Atticus you saw. The Atticus you got to see was a clumsy dork that obsessed over Harry Potter and had a habit of bursting into song whenever he was bored, most often singing his own rendition of a song from a broadway musical or of a rock song from the 90s.

"No, he isn't! His facial structure is amazing!” Katie gushes. “And he's tall and has broad shoulders. He's also really funny!" You and Lou Ellen stare at her with a straight face before simultaneously bursting into laughter.

“He’s a dork!” Lou Ellen chokes through her laughs, and you nod, agreeing with her.

"Hey! I get where Katie is coming from! As his sisters, you guys are biased. Of course, you’re gonna say he's ugly," Silena points out, and you sigh,

“Live with him in the Hermes Cabin for a couple of weeks, and when you see him in his natural state, you won’t find him cute anymore,” you joke. Katie shakes her head,

“I don’t believe you. I bet he’s even cuter! You’re calling him a dork, but jokes on you, I like dorks,” she says playfully, crossing her arms over her chest, and you smile at her.

“To each their own, I guess.”

"What about you? Who do you think is cute?" Silena asks you. You side-eye the other, and you feel your face heat up. You really didn’t want to be the target in this conversation. Turning back to the bushes, you answer her question with a shrug of your shoulders. Silena scoffs, "there has to be someone! We have a good group of guys to choose from at camp."

"I mean, yeah…" you trail off hesitantly, and you feel the stares of the girls as they wait for your answer. You knew they weren't going to let this go, and so, you sigh softly, taking a moment to find the courage to confess. "I guess Percy is cute-"

"Y/n!"

Your breath hitches in your throat, and your shoulder tenses up at the sound of the familiar voice. It was too much of a coincidence that Percy showed up the exact moment you were speaking about him. The girls laugh at your reaction and your cheeks somehow become hotter as Silena smiles at you knowingly. If she didn't sense your crush before, she definitely sensed it now. Snapping your gaze away from her, you find the courage to turn around.

"Hey, Percy," you say, smiling sheepishly. You fiddle with your fingers as you take in his appearance. Percy was wearing his orange camp half-blood shirt and cargo pants. His cheeks were a little flushed at the summer heat, and you assume he probably came from training. As usual, his dark hair was slightly disheveled, and you couldn’t help your lips curling into a soft smile.

"Hey, I've been looking for you. You left these on the dock," he says, presenting the black pouch filled with your crystals in his hand. You gasp softly as you take it from him.

"Oh! Thank you. I can’t believe I forgot them," You shake your head at yourself as you put them in your strawberry basket in the meantime. You didn’t understand how your forgotten crystals never came to your mind once, especially this late in the day.

"No problem. I think they’re all in there," he smiles at you before acknowledging the girls standing behind you. "Hey, guys.”

He furrowed his eyebrows as they giggle amongst themselves. They murmur a few things to each other before turning their gaze to him again.

"Percy, I wanted to ask who do you think is the prettiest girl at camp?" Silena asks as the girls move to surround him. You're stomach flutters crazily with nerves, and you cringe, feeling embarrassed even though Percy was oblivious to the motive behind the question.

Percy looks around him, shifting his weight from one foot to another,

"This… feels like a trap,” he says slowly, making the girls giggle.

"It's not! We just want to know. Anyone, in particular, stands out to you?" Silena steps closer to him.

"Any crushes?" Katie asks.

"There has to be someone, right?" Lou Ellen smiles.

"Um… I- why are you guys asking so many questions?" He mutters, his shoulders tense up as he avoids the stares of the three girls practically towering over him.

"Guys, leave him alone," you laugh shortly. "You don't have to answer all that," you reassure him, cutting through their little circle as you squeeze between Silena and Katie.

You stand beside Percy, the girls deciding to step down and return to their original places. Silena smiles, and you can't tell what she's thinking, but you knew that the smile playing on her lips made you nervous. You awkwardly exchange a look with Percy, noticing that he was just as flustered as you were.

"You know… I noticed that those bushes over there get a lot of sun," Silena says, breaking her silence as she turns to Katie and Lou Ellen. She points at the bushes about three rows from where you were all standing, and Katie nods,

"We should go pick the strawberries over there. Percy and Y/n can work on the ones here." Silena gives you a smirk, winking at you before turning around and taking the other girls with her.

You resume your strawberry picking, chewing on your button lip. You were hoping that he didn't witness Silena wink at you because if he did, it was then way too obvious that the girls spontaneously set up this. There's a silence for a moment, and you feel your palms start to sweat as you try to figure out what you were going to say to him.

"Where's Ambrose?" Percy asks softly, and you glance over for a second, watching as he picks the strawberries beside you.

"Oh, uh, he ran off a little while ago with my brothers. They're probably playing somewhere." You smile, remembering how Ambrose wasted no time, running over to Alabaster and Ernest the moment they had offered to play with him.

"... how do you play with a ghost dog?" Percy gleams, amused at the idea of playing with Ambrose considering he couldn’t touch many things.

"There's a process where you can offer things to his spirit, so he has a few toys that he can play with," you explain. “He and I play with his toys all the time, but he’s with my brother’s right now, so they're probably wrestling."

"What? Really? I wouldn’t want to wrestle Ambrose,” Percy admits as a short laugh comes from his mouth.

"Yeah, me neither. He would definitely win if we did. Once he was so excited to see me; he jumped on me and knocked me down no problem,” you shake your head. “I think he forgets how big he is, and he ends up getting carried away sometimes.”

You look up from what you were doing, unexpectedly meeting Percy’s green eyes that resemble the color of the Caribbean sea as the sun shines into them. The butterflies in your stomach return, and you’re trying not to focus on the fact that the other was already looking at you. You look elsewhere, suddenly too shy to look at him, but your eyes couldn’t help but flicker back to his face. From this close, you noticed things about him that you didn’t see before, like the scattered freckles on his face, his long eyelashes, and his slightly chapped lips.

“I-” he stops himself suddenly, and your eyebrows furrow. The tension between you both was something you've never felt before. You didn't understand why Percy looked dazed, staring at you as if he found you to be the most captivating person in the world.

You open your mouth, but before you could speak, you see something moving at the end of the bush row. Breaking your gaze with Percy, you notice Silena's focusing intensely on you and him. It suddenly dawns on you that the strange tension was because she was working that love magic that all the Aphrodite children can do. She smirks when she sees that you’ve noticed her, and you swore you saw her mouth a “you’re welcome.” The tension suddenly falls as she hides behind the bushes right as Percy turns around to find out what you were looking at.

You giggle nervously, “um, yeah. Anyways... Ambrose can put up a fight,” you say, trying to revert to the original topic because you really didn’t want to discuss what just happened. You give him a second to get himself together, Percy looking a little disoriented after being under Silena's look magic. He blinks a few times before turning abruptly toward the strawberry bushes. A nervous chuckle leaves his lips, and his hand comes up to rub the back of his neck. He shifts on his feet and nods,

“Yeah, I can imagine.” He clears his throat, his voice coming out a little higher than he had intended it to be. You bite your bottom lip, trying to refrain from laughing, and you hum softly in response.

The two of you sat in silence for a bit before your conversation had picked up again. Surprisingly, even after being unknowingly manipulated by Silena’s magic, Percy moved on quickly from the awkward tension. You found it was easy to talk to him, the two of you chatting as if you didn't just meet yesterday. The two of you talked and laughed a lot, sharing funny stories from quests or about your mortal parents.

You’ve never been a closed-off person, and you were able to share things easily with people, so the conversation flew naturally. You guys talked about the weird perks of your powers. One of the weird perks you shared is your ability to see and communicate with ghosts, and you end up freaking him out with the many stories of your paranormal experiences.

You weren't sure how long you were talking to him, but time felt like it flew by, and eventually, your baskets were filled with strawberries as you finished picking the row. The sun was lower in the sky, and you assume that it was almost time for dinner. You figured you should find your siblings, and Ambrose and Percy had mentioned that he had plans to climb the lava wall with a few of his friends. So you guys placed your baskets in the drop-off section where they package the strawberries, exchanging a short “see you later” before parting ways.

☆’.･.･:★:･.･.’☆

The last thing Annabeth was expecting to see today was an out-of-breath Atticus bursting into her cabin, but there he was. She jumps in her seat at the sudden bang, the sound cutting through the silence. Her gaze snaps from her book to the door, concerned for a second as Atticus looks panicked. He lets himself in, scoping out the room in search of something.

"What are you-?"

"Have you seen Harvey?" Atticus asks, frantically looking for his familiar. Harvey is a black-footed ferret that was given to him by his mother. When you guys found out that Ambrose was for you, Atticus was pretty bummed. He was jealous that your mother had given you such a cool gift, and you had assumed that she had seen how upset he was because a few days after Hecate officially claimed you, Atticus received Harvey as a present. The morning he met Harvey for the first time, Atticus was thrilled to wake up with the ferret casually sitting on his chest.

"I'm sorry, Harvey? I don't know a Harvey?" Annabeth turns in her chair to face him, her arms crossed over her chest.

"My ferret, have you seen him?" Atticus drops to his knees, looking under the beds and the nightstands. He just saw him jump into the back window of the Athena Cabin, so he was sure that Harvey was hiding somewhere.

"Um, no?" Annabeth rolls her eyes, finding it rude that he has barged in as if he lived there. Suddenly, a small animal jumps from the top of the bookcase beside her and right on her desk. Annabeth yelps, getting up from her seat quick as Harvey snorts, and he clumsily runs across her papers before prancing across all the desks that were lined against the wall.

"Harvey, what are you doing?!" Atticus exclaims as he moves to stand up. He attempts to meet Harvey at the last desk, but Harvey jumps out of his reach just as he closes his fist to grab him. Harvey zooms across the room, forcing him to play a one-sided game of tag that Atticus was definitely losing. He occasionally slips and stumbles, the snorts that leave his snout starting to sound like mocking laughter.

"What's wrong with your rat?" Annabeth jokes as her eyes follow Harvey around the room.

"He's a ferret," Atticus corrects her, mumbling under his breath. He sighs as he tries to catch up with the animal, failing miserably as not only was he crazy fast, he was able to find the smallest corners to hide in.

"Similar family," she shrugs, smirking at him. "And you didn't answer my question."

Atticus sighs, getting on the floor to try and grab Harvey, who’s tucked in the corner under one of the beds. He squints at the small animal, not sure why he’s acting this way when Harvey was curled up on his desk, peacefully taking a nap about 20 minutes ago.

"He does this sometimes. I don't know. He wants to play, and then he causes chaos," Atticus grunts, almost grabbing Harvey, but he runs out of his reach once again. Atticus groans as he sits back on his heels, pinching the bridge of his nose. He decides he might as well take a breather since he's been chasing him for the past 10 minutes, and he considers that he should stop entertaining him since Harvey obviously saw this as some game.

He sighs softly, choosing to forget about Harvey as he looks over at Annabeth. Her gray eyes are fixed on him as she leans against the edge of her desk. Her curly blonde locks are pulled back in a messy low ponytail allowing the front strands to frame her face prettily. Atticus smiles as he admires her, taking in her appearance before she starts telling him off.

"You look pretty like that," Atticus compliments, his heart skipping a beat as their eyes meet. He watches as her expression softens for a second, her eyes wide at the random compliment. Atticus smirks softly, not surprised, as her face suddenly darkens into a scowl. If Annabeth felt anything for him, she was good at hiding it.

When Atticus had first arrived at camp last summer, Annabeth and he spoke here and there. Their conversations were brief but pleasant, and Atticus found himself wanting to talk to her more often. As his crush for her grew, he had taken it upon himself to harmlessly flirt with her, hoping she’d get the hint that he was interested.

"Like what?" She asks, her chin up as she moves to stand up straight on her feet.

"With your hair in a ponytail like that. It's cute.”

"Hmm. Thanks for letting me know, so I'll never do it like this again,” she says in such a serious tone that made Atticus laugh. There it is. Annabeth was always quick to shut him down, and she never failed to make witty comebacks. He was pretty certain that it was just banter, but it made it hard to tell if she was maybe into him. But he never failed to notice how occasionally, she’d momentarily be lost for words or have a flustered look on her face before it hardened as it did a moment ago.

"You'd be pretty regardless, Chase.” He feels his knees start to ache, and he sighs as he gets back up on his feet.

"Don't call me that," Annabeth says abruptly.

"What? Chase? What do you prefer? Annie? Beth? Anna?" He teases.

"I prefer Annabeth, thank you." She gives him a tight, sarcastic smile, and a short laugh comes from Atticus’s mouth.

"That's not fun, though…" His hand comes under his chin as he studies her. He ponders for a second, trying to come up with a name that he can personally call her. Annabeth shifts, avoiding his gaze as she looks elsewhere. She was weirded out that the other was looking at her for so long, and she tried not to show how flustered she actually was. She grunts,

"What?! What are you look-"

"Goldilocks," Atticus blurts out, his finger pointing into the air as his face brightens, thinking he’s an absolute genius for coming up with that name. Annabeth shakes her head,

"Don't call me th-"

"It's been decided. I will call you goldilocks. No one else can call you that," Atticus cuts her off, the same proud smile plastered on his face even though Annabeth’s eyes narrow dangerously at him. Atticus takes a step back hesitantly. At first glance, she didn’t come off as intimidating, but Atticus knew better. He was always sure not to push her too far because he was completely aware of her ability to kill him.

Atticus suddenly remembers Harvey, noticing how the sound of his little feet pattering along the wooden floor ceased a while ago. He scans the room finding Harvey standing on his hind legs a couple of feet away, calmly watching them. Atticus still couldn’t understand why he had acted so strangely. Familiars couldn’t talk, obviously because they’re animals but their actions are never out of vain. They’re usually trying to tell you something if they’re acting strange, and it takes a while to put the pieces together since there is only so much they can do. After thinking for a second, it dawns on Atticus that Harvey purposely made him come to the Athena Cabin so that he can talk to Annabeth. He smiles to himself, walking toward Harvey. He didn’t run away this time, allowing Atticus to put him on his shoulder.

"He just stopped,” Annabeth points out, her head tilting to the side.

"Probably got tired?" Atticus makes an excuse for him, not wanting to admit that Harvey had decided to be his wingman today. "Sorry for barging in, by the way," he apologizes. “I saw him jump in from the window, and I was worried he’d break something.”

"Whatever. Don’t do it again.”

"Got it. Well, I'll see you around, Goldilocks. Happy studying.” Atticus turns on his heels, hearing a scoff coming from Annabeth as he walks out of the cabin.

"When did I ask you to be my wingman?" Atticus asks Harvey as he walks off the steps of the Athena Cabin. He reaches up, his index finger petting the top of his head. "You're crazy, bud... But she is cute, isn't she?" Atticus laughs, Harvey snorting as if he agrees with him.

masterlist

#my writing #pjo #percy jackson x reader #percy x reader #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson fic #percy jackson fanfiction #percy jackson oneshot #pjo x reader #pjo reader insert

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amysteryspot · 3 years

Text

Just Tonight - Thomas Shelby x Fem!Reader

Requested: No

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Female Reader

Summary: The Shelby boys had returned from France in time for Christmas, but as (Y/N) expected, things weren't that easy to deal with for none of them.

Warnings: Smut (NSFW/+18), swearing, mentions of drinking and death.

Word Count: 3027

A/N: Oooooooooooooookay this turned out a lot more angstier and smuttier than I first predicted for something that is supposed to be a holiday fic. This is loosely based on the storyline used on "Better with you" and "Out of time". It's better if you've read those first, but it's not required. I really, really hope that you enjoy it. As always, your feedback is highly appreciated.

Song recomended: Sober by Loreen

(Y/N) = Your Name | (Y/N/N) = Your Nickname | (Y/E/C) = Your Eye Color

English is not my first language and this wasn’t proofread by a beta.

If you want to be tagged in my stories, just send me a message.

(gif by @nofckingfighting)

It was Christmas again. (Y/N) couldn’t ignore the irony of it all. When the Shelby’s and her father had left Small Heat with the rest of the man to go to France, the promise was that they would be back before Christmas. Well, they did return before Christmas, just four years later than they believed they would.

She had lost the spark to celebrate the holiday after they left. In 1914, she and her mother had joined Polly, Ada, Martha, and the kids on Christmas Eve. The next year it was just her and the rest of the Shelby clan. Somewhere along the way, (Y/N) had lost hope that the boys would ever return.

Her fears had been proved wrong two weeks ago when Arthur, Tommy, and John stepped out of the train in Small Heat. And even as relief washed through her, it took (Y/N) a second to recognize that the men who came back weren’t the same who had left.

The past few days had been strange, hard to deal with. It wasn’t easy for the men to be back and it wasn’t easy for the women to get used to having them back around. Everyone was learning how to deal with all the changes and as (Y/N) had learned from a young age, the process wasn’t always smooth.

“Let’s say our prayers,” Polly announced as she sat down.

Tommy scoffed and (Y/N) nudged him with her knee, making him roll his eyes, taking her hand in his as all of them closed their eyes as Polly prayed.

It was strange, all of them sitting there, around the same table, eating, drinking, and celebrating when so many of them didn’t have the opportunity to return. Tommy had never been a man of God, especially after his mother died, and his father left, and after Greta. Certainly not since he signed his name to go to war. (Y/N) knew that better than anyone.

“It’s good to have you all back,” Ada announced, after a long moment of silence, eyeing her brothers from behind the rim of her glass.

“It’s good to be back,” John mumbled when his brothers failed to do so.

“This is a little bit different than what we got used to,” Polly commented, smiling.

In the past years, they had lost (Y/N)’s mother and Martha, the first two years weren’t all that good, so hunger was something they had to get used to. Now, with the betting shop going steady and the boys back, there was more reason to celebrate than normal.

“Yeah, I can’t imagine how hard it has been,” Tommy sneered, laughing sarcastically.

(Y/N) looked up at Polly who just shook her head.

“It wasn’t easy staying behind, Tom,” Ada reasoned, looking at her older brother.

“Yeah, I can’t imagine how hard it was. Staying here, in the comfort of the house, while we were…”

(Y/N) interjected before he could continue and make a bigger mess out of something that was already difficult, “It’s not a competition, Tommy. We know it wasn’t easy for you all out there, but staying here wasn’t easy too. One thing doesn’t erase the other.”

He looked at her then, nothing but ice on his glare, knuckles white from gripping the fork too tight, but said nothing in return, huffing his disagreement.

Silence fell on the table again, the only noises that could be heard were the ones from the cutlery scraping against the plates. This certainly wasn’t the celebration all of them had in mind.

Saying that the rest of the meal was tense would be an understatement. The children ended up easing up the mood, and (Y/N) thanked God if He was listening, for that little blessing.

After they finished, (Y/N) was collecting the dishes to go wash then when Polly stopped her.

“You did most of the cooking, let me and Ada finish the cleaning. Go sit by the fire with a drink and rest a little bit.

(Y/N) didn’t fell for Polly’s act even a little bit. She knew very well what the Shelby’s matriarch wanted—for her and Tommy to make amends over a drink by the fire.

John had gone home with the children, Finn was already with Arthur on the parlour, the oldest Shelby was probably already half-way drunk, considering the amount of alcohol consumed during the meal. She was a little bit tipsy herself, all of them were, in some way, except for the children.

Sighing, (Y/N) picked up her glass from the table, ignoring Ada’s complaints on the background, and headed to the place she wanted to avoid.

As she had guessed, Arthur was almost passed out in one of the couches, a bottle of whiskey by his side. Finn was curled up beside him, one of Arthur’s hand protectively on the boy’s shoulders, as the child dozed off.

She couldn’t contain the smile that appeared on her lips and faltered a little bit when she looked at the other side of the room, finding Tommy sitting there in silence, contemplating the fire.

(Y/N) ignored his eyes on her as she went to pour herself a glass of gin and chose to sit down on the armchair, instead of the couch. What she couldn’t ignore was the frown on his face as she settled down.

None of them said anything for a while, long enough for Arthur’s snores to take over the place.

“I should put Finn to bed,” (Y/N) said, putting her glass down on the center table, meaning to get up.

“Let them stay there,” Tommy’s voice startled her and she turned her head in his direction to see him getting up from the couch and placing his glass on the table, besides hers. “Common, let’s go upstairs,” he invited, extending his hand to her.

(Y/N) sighed, knowing that whatever ruffle started between them never lasted long, and silently accepted his invitation, letting him guide her up the stairs. They were both slightly drunk, but that wasn’t enough to prevent her from hesitating at his door—the room brought her too many memories. The last time they were there alone had been on the night before he left to war—the night she had given herself to him.

Tommy must have noticed her hesitation, leading her inside with a gentle pull, and closing the door behind them.

“Polly said that you wouldn’t enter the room for weeks after we left.”

(Y/N) hummed in answer, watching him sit down on the bed and pat the spot beside him for her to follow. She obliged, studying the peeling wallpaper for a moment.

“And then I wouldn’t leave it, ‘cause it smelled like you,” she admitted, choosing to ignore the little smirk that appeared on his lips, “Until it didn’t anymore and I stayed anyway because it was the closest thing I had of you.”

She looked at him then, to find his gaze already on her, a solemn expression on his face as he assured “You have me now.”

“Do I?” (Y/N) asked, blinking slowly as she felt his hand take hers in between both of his.

She wasn’t certain about anything anymore. They had known each other for all of her life, gone through terrible things that only brought them together even more. But since the day they said their farewells at the train station, (Y/N) wasn’t sure about their feelings for one another anymore.

“You always had,” he assured, not a hint of doubt on his face, “since the moment your mother put that tiny bundle of covers in my arms and you stared back at me with these bright (Y/E/C) eyes of yours.”

He smiled at her, one of those barely-there smiles that were Tommy’s Shelby signature, turning his body toward her, so they were face to face. “You’ll always have me, wanting it or not.”

“As if I ever won’t,” (Y/N) murmured, shyly, more to herself than to him.

Tommy smirked, bringing her closer, cradling her face in between his hands. “Good,” he praised, low and deep, placing a kiss on her forehead, and then a second time, louder and clearer, “Good. ‘Cause I have some plans and I’ll need you by my side.”

“God help us! Thomas Shelby has plans,” she jested as a way to lighten the mood. It only worked for a brief moment, as he smiled and shook his head, but his hands never left her skin as he came closer to her, their noses brushing against each other.

Looking up at him through heavy eyelids, (Y/N) said his name as a warning, one Tommy chooses to ignore, leaning in to extinguish the final bit of space separating them and bringing their mouths together.

(Y/N) doesn’t fight him. Don’t believe she has it in her to refuse him, not when she, herself, had been craving his touch since the moment they said their goodbyes before he left for France years ago. Since he had touched her, made love to her the night before he left. Since the moment he kissed her for the first time when she was fifteen.

She kisses him back, holding his wrists between her fingers, as hungry as he is to get a taste.

“Tommy,” she protests again, weakly, the feeling of his lips trailing down her neck to her collarbone fogging her mind. “Tommy, we shouldn’t.”

He growls in disapproval, lips never leaving her skin, as his hands trail down her body, catching her by the waist and hoisting her up to his lap.

She gasps, not yet used with this new source of strength that the war provided him with. Memories that she tried so hard to bury come flooding her mind.

“I need you,” he breaths against her skin, “Just tonight.”

Taking his face in between her hands, (Y/N) forces him to look at her. He looks lost, like a boat that was left adrift, desperately looking for something that can bring him back to the shore. The look in his eyes is more vulnerable than seductive as he just stays there, unmoving, gazing back at her, waiting for an answer, just as she did years ago.

(Y/N) gives in, nodding. His lips are on hers in a heartbeat, hands grabbing at her hips and bringing her flush against his body. They both moan at the slight friction as her legs tighten around his hips.

Desperately, they start to unbutton each other’s clothes in a hurry to get the skin on skin contact. When she is down to her undergarments, having taken pity on him and freed herself from the slip, his eyes travel down her body, taking in every inch of exposed skin.

She remembers their first time together, how he did the same thing, looking down at her as if trying to engrave the image on his mind and (Y/N) suddenly feels vulnerable.

Tommy doesn’t give her much time to think, spinning them around and laying her down onto the mattress. His mouth explores her skin like it was a map he has to memorize. He places open-mouthed kisses along her collarbone and chest, unfastening the brassiere to kiss, lick and nibble at her breasts, chuckling against her skin as she takes a fist of his hair in between her fingers, tugging it not so gently at the feeling of one of her nipples being dragged against his teeth.

He tortures her with his ministrations until he is satisfied with the writhing mess she’d become. Then his kisses move down, and down until they reach the waistband of her bloomers.

Looking up at her, hunger in his eyes, Tommy hooks his fingers on the fabric, bringing it down her legs, along with her stockings, leaving her bare before him.

Again, he takes a moment to look down at her through heavy eyelids. She is not sure about what she sees in his cold eyes, but whatever it is, it brings a shiver down her spine.

Partying her legs, Tommy lays down on his stomach, bringing her calves to rest on his shoulders. (Y/N) lets her head fall back, closing her eyes at the feeling of his fingers parting her lips and his tongue licking up a stripe from her entrance to her clit.

She moans against her palm, trying to muffle the sound, her other hand fisting the sheets as he chuckles.

“Patience, love,” he purred, “I’ve been waiting for that for too long, let me enjoy you.”

Her mind can’t register the words, not when his mouth was on her again, kissing, and licking, and nibling, making her go crazy. (Y/N) didn’t remember the last time that a man had willingly done that, much less if any had made her feel this way with just his mouth.

(Y/N) has to bite down her lower lip to prevent any sounds from coming out of her mouth as she feels one of his fingers slipping into her.

Tommy doesn’t seem pleased by it, “Common now, (Y/N/N), don’t hold back. I want to hear you.”

“Your siblings are on the house,” she warns.

“From what I remember you weren’t worried about that the last time,” he retorts back, mirth dripping from his voice. “Besides, they’ve heard worse. John went back home with the kids, I’m pretty sure that Finn and Ada left with Polly, Arthur is too drunk to bother. You have nothing to worry about.”

She doesn’t get a chance to fight back when he adds a second finger to the first and licks at her clit at the same time. (Y/N) almost doesn’t recognize the sound that leaves her lips.

“That’s it, good girl,” he praises, fingers curling inside of her and making her curse under her breath. “Don’t hold back, come for me. I want to feel you coming all around my fingers. Want to know how it tastes.”

It’s all too much for her to handle. Having him back home, safe and sound, the feeling of one of his hands holding her down as his fingers play with her, the sound of his voice praising her… Her eyes close, toes curling as pleasure washes over her body.

She comes to her senses again with the feeling of his lips on hers. (Y/N)’s hands find the back of his neck to bring him closer, savouring the heady taste of her on his tongue.

He breaks the kiss, getting rid of the rest of his clothes in a hurry as she watches, getting acquainted with this new version of him. She had patched him up enough times to distinguish his old scars from the new ones. He was stronger, had more muscle on his bones, looked sharper when he had been softer before.

There was no denying that the man who came back from the war wasn’t the same that left for it.

Joining her again, he positions himself between her legs, holding himself up on his elbows, as he kisses her again. Both of them take a sharp intake of breath when their bodies meet. He rocks against her, the friction making her hiss against his lips.

“Don’t tease,” she half warns, half begs.

Tommy smiles, parting her folds with one hand and rubbing his cock against her cunt, swearing against her ear.

“So wet,” he coos, rolling them around again, so she is straddling him.

He pulls her close, resting her forehead against his as she positions herself over him. Tommy’s strong hands guide her down his cock slowly. The feeling is better than what (Y/N) remembered and she has to fight the urge to just close her eyes and get lost in the sensation.

Maybe it would’ve been better if she had because the look of pure awe in his eyes is something that (Y/N) doesn’t know if she will be able to forget.

She lets him guide her at first. He is surprisingly gentle, waiting for her to get used to the stretch, setting a slow pace as he helps her move, dropping praises at her ear, of how good she feels, how wet she is, how well she is taking him.

It doesn’t take long for her to feel the familiar sensation of pleasure pooling down at the low of her belly, encouraging her to pick up a rhythm of her own. Hands grabbing at his shoulders for leverage, (Y/N) rolls her hips more firmly against his, taking him all the way down, before increasing her speed.

“Fuck,” he pants against her ear, lips searching for hers as his fingers dig deeper onto her waist.

It feels too good, him filling her up, hitting so deep that it’s almost too easy to get lost in it. She grabs at his hair, tastes the sweat on his skin, traces the inked lines on his chest and arm while moaning his name.

“Just tonight?” the reminder comes out as a question, one that he answers against her lips, eyes locked on hers.

“Just tonight.”

Her chest tightens with his words but she doesn’t have time to delve into it, not when Tommy starts to thrust up into her and all she can feel is him, moving inside of her, lips on her skin as he groans her name.

She feels his cock throbbing and his release follows right after. He doesn’t relent though, sneaking a hand in between them to massage her clit while he moves her up and down his still hard cock. It doesn’t take long for her orgasm to hit her with full force, she is too far gone, becoming putty in his hands.

As the coil inside her belly snaps, (Y/N) gasps his name, searching for his lips in desperation. The pleasure is overwhelming, she doesn’t want it to end, doesn’t want to face him tomorrow morning and pretend that this meant nothing to her. A single tear escapes her eye, she feels his fingers brushing it off and opens her eyes to see the little frown on his face.

Kissing him again, she relinquishes the feeling of him still inside of her, trying to burn it into her memory, because she doesn’t know if he will still be there in the morning.

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