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1. a couple months ago a publicist invited me to a concert and i accepted her invite and she said she’d add my name to the guest list. the night of the concert i was feeling a little tired and not entirely up for walking all the way to the venue and standing around listening to a band i’d never heard of. but then, as i was making dinner, i thought, “why don’t you pretend this is a date night with bill hader?” i realize this is an insane person thing to think. i do often go to concerts with friends; i am not in the habit of pretending bill hader is accompanying me to concerts. but that night i did put on the band’s album and pretend that bill hader was dancing around the kitchen with me while i cooked. and then i pretended that bill hader threw his arm around me on the walk to the venue and walked slower than usual because he’s taller and his paces are longer than mine. then i got to the venue. and i told the lady in the ticket booth that i was on the guest list. and i gave her my name. and she handed me two tickets, and she said, “here, for you and your plus one.” i was all alone in front of the box office. there was no one else around. at no point leading up to this had the publicist mentioned giving me a plus one. i laughed a little to myself at the idea of Imaginary Bill Hader being given his own ticket and then i went inside.

2. on the way home from acting class tonight, a long walk in the cold, i came upon a diner lit in warm golden hues, and i hadn’t eaten all day, and it looked irresistible, so i went inside. “for one,” i said, and the hostess said, “do you want to eat at the bar?” and i said, “no thanks, could i sit at a table?” and i was ushered to a table for two. it was a pretty busy night and i was kind of self-conscious about being the only person eating alone so i was like, “well okay i’ll just imagine i’m on a date with bill hader again haha.” and so i sat there and enjoyed some very good sweet potato ravioli with chestnut-cream sauce, and what was perhaps the best cheesecake i’d ever eaten in my life, all the while imagining bill hader seated in the empty chair across from me. and then at the end of the meal, my waitress came and cleared away my dessert plate, and she looked at me, and then she looked at the empty chair, and then she looked back at me, and then she said, “are you paying separate or together?” again, the other seat was empty. i had been sitting at this table fully by myself for the entire duration of the meal. the waitress had come by the table perhaps five or six times over the course of the hour, seeing me completely alone. and i said, “sorry?” and she said, “separate or together?” and i said, “…together?” and she said, “cool, do you need the machine?” and i said, “yes” and she brought the machine over and i paid, because my dinner companion, despite apparently being visible to my waitress, was imaginary bill hader. 

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There’s a reason lots of good parents say to babies stuff like

“You’re excited to go to the park!”

“Oh, it makes you mad that we can’t go outside.”

And then when the babies get a little bit older the parents can say

“You seem upset. Are you sad?”

“Are you excited that gramma is coming over today?”

Which lets the kid (who is learning to utilize speech) respond with yes or no, which may prompt more questions, like

“So you aren’t sad, are you angry?”

“Yes, does it make you happy when gramma is here?”

And then, finally, when the child is learning to use language in a more complex way, the parents can say,

“How does it make you feel?”

“Why are you feeling like that?”

And it’s all about teaching emotional awareness. I really reccomend using the process on yourself. Learn to ask, “am I happy?” “Am I sad?” “Am I anxious?”

Then practice identifying, out loud or on paper if you can, “I’m happy.” “I’m upset.” “I’m sad.” “I’m anxious.”

Final step: “Why am I feeling anxious? I’m still thinking about that awkward conversation earlier.” “Why am I happy? It’s such a beautiful day outside.” “Why am I sad? None of my friends are responding to my messages.”

It really helps you notice patterns (“I’m more likely to be happy when I’m around this person.” “When I haven’t eaten, I often feel angry.” “If I don’t plan ahead, I get anxious.”) which is the first step in avoiding things and people that are bad for you and encouraging things and people that are good.

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somehow the poor cops who we were told are simply too understaffed and underpaid because of Woke to deal with 'rampant rising crime' have found the strength to beat the shit out of college students across the whole country for peacefully saying "divest from the country killing innocent palestinians in the tens of thousands"

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it's cool how these cost almost as much as my house

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#sooo fucking real #like. been Goin Thru It but. also? excited to see where things are goin !!!

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Those who protest against Israel's genocide are punished for antisemitism.

But for some strange reason, authorities have never cracked down on antisemitism any other time. Any other time, antisemitism is considered free speech.

It's almost as if they know damn well that protesting against Israel is not antisemitism.

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when i had brain surgery last month i asked if they could take a picture of my brain for me. they brought my phone into surgery with them and the nurse took several videos and gave me a sticker. now i just have videos of my brain like pulsating with my heart beating on my phone and everyday i’m like.,. i could just post it… anyway here’s the sticker they gave me

jealous as fuck. not of the brain surgery i hope you're alright, but i have never wanted to be in a club so bad.

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Kinda funny how Vivian TTYD being a trans woman hinges on whether Beldam is a transphobe or not in the remake/remaster

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It's Lesbian Visibility Week and my five years on testosterone, so I have an urgent message from one random man to all lesbians on T:

YAAAAY WHOOO SOLIDARITY FOREVER I LOVE YOU HOORAY WHOOO HAHAHA YAAAAY CLAPPING AND SCREAMING AND HIGH-FIVING YOU AND CRUSHING BEER CANS AGAINST MY FOREHEAD YAAAAAY FRIENDSHIP AND JOY YAAAAY

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i am violently clear [emphasis on the violent]

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me staring at my calculator app for 45 seconds before i remember i was trying to open my clock app to set an alarm