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memes-in-a-half-shell · 10 months

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Villain AU - Deadlock, Part 6

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 ||

Struggled with the beginning a bit, but now here we areeee.

Trigger warning: Panic attack (due to a fear of men :'] yeee)

It's been a while since she'd been asked to go after the Purple Dragons. The request came from some rich guy that wanted to be the next big tech guru and see their company reach the highest heights - or something along those lines. It was no secret that the targeted criminal organization had plenty of tricks up their sleeves, especially when it cames to technological advancements and anything of the sorts. Stealing from them was always a risky gamble, but it was one Vee was ready to take, especially for a good price.

It was deep into the Lower East Side, bordering the east river, that the woman made her way into a large warehouse. She knew the place would be empty, the Purple Dragons really keen on keeping a low profile about their stashes. The more "normal" and "unbusy" it looked, the better it wouldn't get picked up by any sort of law enforcements. Sure they had their usual security passwords, accesses and whatsnot, but that was a piece of cake to bypass when you knew what you were doing.

The lower floor was filled with rows of large stacked containers that Vee knew would be holding weapons, guns, drugs or any other illicit goods. She was mostly aiming for the upper floor which consisted mainly of modular rooms hugging the walls, all linked by a metal mezzanine.

Getting up there, she stealthily made her way towards the first room she found, wanting to start her searches there. Entering and closing the door softly, she could never expect her next sight as she turned around to glance at the room's interior.

Two pairs of eyes were now staring at her, one blue and one green. It was two of those mutant turtles; the big one sporting a red do-rag and the other smaller and wearing an orange bandana. Vee was completely frozen. What were they doing here?

"Hey, you're that girl from the Foot clan stronghold," started the red one.

"Yeah, so?" replied Vee in her flanged voice. She was ready to bail at any moment.

"We were startin' to wonder when you'd show your face again."

"Well, we can't see much of her face with those googles and mask," added the smaller one.

They were starting to get closer, the woman keeping her eyes on the nunchuck the orange terrapin was lazily swinging at his side.

"What do you guys want here?" she dared ask.

"We're here for nunya," said the orange clad one.

"... Nunya?"

They were now towering her, Vee feeling so small all of a sudden.

"Nunya business," he finished.

That got a quick laugh out of the two brothers, landing a quick fistbump between them. The tall muscular one next rested his forearm against the closed door, Vee now trapped between them and the only exit.

"What about you, smooth criminal?"

Oh she was starting to hate this very much. She could feel her anxiety rise, mostly from being cornered.

"Let me go," she simply said.

"We're just talking, sweetcheeks," added the orange terrapin.

"I said, let me go away!" her tone was now harsher.

The red clad turtle then forcefully rested his hand against her upper torso, blocking her even more against the door.

"We're not gonna ask again," he said, with a faint tint of menace. "There's no way we're lettin' you fail our mission once more. So ya better start talkin'."

Vee's heart was now beating fast out of fear. She usually could deal with people getting in her way, but for those behemoths to stop her, she felt some old repressed fears crawl back into light... Out of pure instinct, she did not hesitate to slap her right hand against the brute's face, letting her glove's claws scratch his scales. He backed out in surprise, giving the woman enough room to turn around and rapidly open the door. In her rush, she miscalculated her steps and faceplanted hard against the door frame first; knocking against the left side of her forehead and cracking the left lense of her googles. Quickly regaining her senses, the woman was then able to properly exit, hearing some commotion behind her. Her flight response took over, not even trying to reach a staircase as she prefered to jump over the railing and fall straight down - finishing her fall with a roll. That unfortunately brought her cracked lense to fall off, Vee now losing accurate sight from that eye. That didn't stop her still, prefering to rush inbetween the rows of containers, still hearing the two others call out to her. It was after she made a sharp turn that she bumped into something else, this time falling backward.

Her good eye spotted a black backpack first, the new form then turning around and revealing itself to be Donatello. The tall terrapin gasped, already reaching for Vee and getting her back up.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. His hand already got to her forehead. "You're bleeding, what happened?"

The human wriggled out of his hold. Fear could be read in her visible eye.

"Don't touch me," she said in slight panic. "I need to go."

"Vee, you got hurt, let me help at least."

Her sight locked on another presence at the end of the row they were in, behind Donatello, this time being the fourth turtle. His icy blue stare was burning her soul, his stance making him more akin to a big cat ready to pounce its prey at any moment... She could feel Donnie's hands on her once more, trying to stabilize her and get an assessement of her state. But that only snapped Vee back to the current moment, looking back at the purple banded terrapin.

"Leave me alone!" her tone was now tainted with fear.

She was able to escape his hold once more, already turning heels and about to run away. She did spot the two others from earlier at the opposite end of the row, her breathing fastening again. Franctically looking at both sides, she finally settled for some smoke bombs as she saw the red and orange ones approaching fast. The thick layer offered her a chance to slip through two containers, unseen. In a renewed rush she got her grappling hook out, aiming for an opened window at the top of one of the building's walls. Zipping through it, she was glad to find a ledge to walk onto. Her steps were fast as she only wanted to get as much distance between her and the terrapins.

Reaching the ground level she almost slipped in her rush, her breathing labored as she franctically seached for the most nearby subway entrance. Most of her senses were now scrambled - her eyesight in a tunnel vision, her hearing amplified tenfold. It felt like a dream once she reached her goal. She didn't even bothered to pay for the entrance, jumping over the till. Her sole goal was to head home. Nothing more. Nothing less.

She could feel the stares on her, strangers looking over her like the freak she most probably seemed like at the moment. Sitting down, her right leg was bouncing franctically, her eyes lost on a specific point on the floor. Her chest was clenching her, making it difficult to breathe at each passing seconds. Not now, she thought. Not NOW.

The trek home didn't feel real. She didn't even mind showing herself in her gear. She climbed the stairs and it felt like a chore, her legs so stiff and heavy... Reaching the door to her unit, her hands were shaking as she struggled to find the key and unlock the damn thing. Once Vee finally stepped in, she fell against the door, closing it with a loud bang. Sitting on the floor, her emotions now could flow freely, removing her face mask in a hurry only so she could take in air more easily. Breathing loudly, tears escaped her eyes effortlessly, her legs shaking once more.

"Fuck!" she sobbed.

She hated being cornered. She hated feeling small. She hated loud voices and strong, harsh movements against her. In an instant, she relieved at those times men abused of their power on her. Loud voices that kept freezing her. A strength that would pin her and break her in every ways possible. She didn't want to remember, yet that's all she could do...

A vibration in one of her bags grounded her, guessing that it was her phone. She got the device out only to notice a notification for a new text message. Vee sighed, knowing it was Donnie. They had finally exchanged phone numbers after that time he came by her place. ... Right now was not a good time.

D: Please tell me you're alright. You were bleeding pretty bad... V: I'm safe. Stop.

That's all she could write. She only turned her phone off next, a long sigh escaping her lips. The weight of her panic finally fell down on her, lazily removing her broken googles. Her features were now wet from her tears - overall feeling disgusting and sore. The woman was able to make her way to the bathroom, first noticing her state in the mirror. A long streak of blood was now on the left side of her face, starting from her forehead. She did feel slightly light-headed, but didn't make a huge deal out of it, prefering to head into the shower instead.

The water running down her hair and skin felt like a cure. A balm that washed away any leftover fears. At once she was able to breathe, realizing that she was home. She was safe. She took the time to review her failure, trying to figure out how she'd tell her client that she either needed more time, or that she's drop the case completely... Right now her body and mind simply couldn't stand dropping by that warehouse again ... at least not in the near future.

Stepping out, she simpy wrapped her body and hair in towels, prefering to head afterward to her computer. There was a simple comfort whenever it came to mindlessly scrolling through the internet, somehow numbing her brain to any stressors. It was however when she landed on her usual forum that Vee noticed a notification from one of her contacts. FuttoGyangu...

FuttoGyangu: Requesting a status update about the agreed transaction.

A heavy sigh left Vee, feeling her hands shake a little once more. She was clearly not in the mood to handle this, but her fingers flew across the keyboard on their own.

smooth_criminal: It'll take time. Can be a matter of days, weeks, months even. This is a delicate situation and I need to make sure I can do this without any issues. smooth_criminal: This case remains my top priority, no matter what comes in my way.

It was true in a sense. Especially with the promised amount of money she'd receive, she simply couldn't fuck this up.

FuttoGyangu: My boss' patience has its limits. We will be keeping an eye on you. In hopes that this message will fasten your procedures.

Vee frowned lightly at the "keeping an eye on you" part.

"Great, are they also logged in my stuff?" she groaned.

She didn't have the heart to dig any deeper nor unplug her damn router again. Simply turning her machine off, she opted to beeline for her bed, falling down naked onto her mattress and blankets and hoping that sleep would claim her fast instead...

***

Oh was she glad that she had the day off today. She woke up close to noon, the sky awfully blue and the trafic roaring lively outside. With a groan she reached for her cellphone on her nightstand, turning the device back on. It was with slight surprise that she noticed a string of texts waiting to be read:

D: I'm sorry for whatever happened last night. D: Mikey and Raph told me they found you first and you clawed Raph! (nice btw, he needs to be bitchslapped more often) D: I failed to recognize that you were panicking... I'm sorry I tried to restrain you. D: ... Please let me know you're feeling alright. That was a nasty bruise on your forehead. D: I'm sorry.

A small smile crept on Vee's lips, somehow amused yet touched by his concerns. Simply to amuse herself, she only replied:

V: Missing some more 'I'm sorry', then I'll forgive you.

Lazily getting out of bed next, she simply slipped on a pair of underwear and a hoodie, slipping her phone inside the front pocket and resolving herself to get something to eat. Vee settled herself for some toasts, not even minding to get crumbs everywhere as she sat down on the couch. She needed to figure out a way to accelerate getting her hands on the green ooze... yet some details about the substance kept itching her brain.

The woman felt her phone vibrate, surprisingly. Taking it out, she noticed a new message from Donatello.

D: sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry

That got a quick snort out of her, instantly writing back:

V: That's it! Congrats, you're more Canadian than me. V:... I thought you'd be sleeping? Aren't you guys ever resting or something?

Maybe their mutant genes gave them unlimited energy?

D: I was starting to sleep. I just finished some freelance work. But I also wanted to know when you'd tell me you're okay.

Oh....

D: Can I call you? I'm too tired to type... V: Just go to sleep. D: Please

Vee sighed, finishing her small meal first.

V: Sure

It only took a brief moment before it rang, the human accepting the call with some hesitation.

"What's up, coconut," she greeted lazily.

She heard the faintest chuck on the other end of the line, which somehow brought a small smile on her features.

"I just wanted to hear your voice. I need to make sure you're feeling alright after that hit to your head."

Gosh, his voice had this je-ne-sais-quoi when he was tired...

"How did it happen, anyway?"

Vee faked a quick laugh: "I thought your brothers would've told you. It was really embarrassing.... I slammed my face against a doorframe."

"Oh-" he tried to retain some snickers. "Oh, I'm- I'm sorry. That must've- hmmrph- hurt."

"You can laugh, I don't care," reassured Vee. "It's really stupid. I can be quite clumsy at times."

He puffed, losing the hilarity: "No, no, accidents happen. I'm just glad it didn't get worse."

"I mean ... it did get worse last night, but not because of that," confessed the woman.

She instantly regretted letting that out, but at the same time it was absolutely not far from the truth. She could feel Donnie's sympathy through the phone.

"... Wanna talk about it?"

Vee could feel some tears swell up in her eyes again, rapidly drying them with her sleeve. God, she was still shook, it seems...

"I don't know," she answered in a weak tone. "I'm still processing a lot of emotions right now. ... Last night I felt some stuff I haven't dealt with in a long time." She tried to lighten her voice, forcing a smile: "I'm sorry, you don't need to hear this."

"Nonsense. ... I get it, my brothers and I can be quite intimidating. ... I just saw that fear in your eyes and I knew something was wrong, but I had no idea how to deal with that."

"It's no one's responsability for me to get my shit together," added Vee. "I just have to get over it and do better."

"There's no harm in asking for help when things go sour, Vee. Sometimes we can't overcome things on our own."

That somehow got to her, this warm feeling suddenly invading her body and senses.

"Stop it, you're too sweet. I'll get diabetes."

That got another quiet laughter from the turtle, improving Vee's mood.

"Although, you're a on thin line, mister. Your turtley gang prevented me from completing my job, so that sucks ass."

"What were you looking for?"

A sigh left her: "Schematics, technological advancements, files of any sorts that could help a rich loser bring his tech company to new heights. I was supposed to deliver that after going to the warehouse..."

A brief silence was experienced, the terrapin probably thinking.

"... Tell you what; I did get some files while I was there and maybe there could be something interesting. Since you first stole from me but then handed the data, I'd say I could reciprocate the generosity."

"Oh aren't you so kind," said Vee jokingly.

"I'm serious," added Donnie. "I wanna keep that trust, Vee. So if I can help you, then I'll do it."

She was frankly surprised by the proposition. That offer did feel like a good step in the right direction, her smile warm.

"Alright, monsieur Donatello. How about tomorrow night, at that music store's rooftop? I feel like this should become the spot for data brokering."

"I'll be there," he answered gently.

As they said their goodbyes and the call ended, Vee still had that smile on her features, somehow melting on her seat. His words and tired tone were still bouncing in her brain, the reality of having someone actually care for her well-being feeling like an unexpected dream... ... If she had to get close to him on a more personal level in order to get what she needed, then so be it. She could play that game.

((Part 7))

#it's-a-moi #villain au #usual sorry for any mistakes #the trigger warning is actually related to one of my personal triggers for panic/anxiety attacks :')#I feel like I want to explore that a bit more with this AU ...#exploring my fears and stressors can feel very cathartic in a sense #did that many times with physical abuse/rape lololololol #anywhoozle ... SWEET DONNIE IS SWEET AND I LOVE HIM UWU

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violent-violetsringdingdong · 5 months

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Posted for the first time on ao3!!

It an original coz I’m still to nervous to post any fics so yeah. ‼️Heavy trigger warning as well‼️ read the tags!!!

#ao3 #writing #original writing #trigger warning: anxiety attack #PTSD #gas attack #inspired by #dulce et decorum est #written for school #lol hope people enjoy this #it was an experience to write #have y’all seen that dude on yt reading the poem coz it’s hella creepy #dude almost gave me nightmares #I think that was the point tho #so good job to him ig

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fandomcentralsposts · 1 year

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Steddie ao3 readers I need help sometime last year I forget when I read a fic were Steve basically has an anxiety attack over his relationship with Eddie or smth whilst he's on the phone to him and he ends up having a stroke and Eddie comes to save him. I can't find it anywhere if anyone knows or remembers what it's called let me know 🤞

#steddie #ao3 #archive of our own #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #steddie fanfic #steve harrington #eddie munson #trigger warning anxiety attack

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empty-weirdo · 5 months

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Once again, I’m back here, this time it’s to vent. I was recently diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and after that PTSD came also along. Although I knew deep down that that would happen at some point, it was still hard to take in, like now it’s real. Now I have on paper not only that my health in general is fucked (I already had at that point heart problems and low blood sugar which caused often fainting and injuries, etc.), now I officially have it black on white that I’m mentally fucked as well. The psychiatrist gave me meds, but they are still not working after 2 weeks, I know that it takes some time, but still. Also I got something for sleeping because for the first time in my life I’m waking up sweating, not being able to go back to sleep. No matter what was happening in my life it never actually impacted my sleep, and now well I think to myself “Nice job, you’re 27 and it’s only getting worse. What’s next?”.

My health problems are all related to stress, which is a huge part of my life for a long period. Regarding my heart problems, they habe to insert an implant for heart monitoring. And that has yet to happen, because before that I have to finish physical therapy (I broke my arm when I fainted last time). I’m not able to work, I’m mostly going to the doctors and being home alone, which has not a good impact on my mental health.

So it’s all a vicious circle I cannot escape.

#dark #frustrated #mental health #depression #anxiety #ptsd #depressing things #depressing thoughts #panic attacks #trigger warning #anxious #lost #heartbreak #heartache

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juice-boxy · 8 months

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I wish you could filter ads on here.

I get that I have to pay to not see ads, thats fine, I don't mind ads.

But some of them are disturbing, and there's no content filter for them.

It's making this platform uncomfortable to use

#sae something that triggered my trypophobia and is giving me the worst anxiety attack #no warning no filter nothing.#its disgusting. if you want ads on your website fine #but put a filter in place.#tumblr staff do better #OH AND WHATS WORSE. THAT SAME AD KEEPS POPPING UP #no matter how often i report it for spam #hellsite

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drawing-way-outside-the-lines · 6 months

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➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖

Chapter 36 - Caught in the rain. Episode 2.

Andy: He sighed deeply from his spot on the back seat, and looked at me with concerned eyes, then looked at Evan a bit hesitant before he let go of him and quickly dragged his tshirt over his head, so Evan was now naked on his upper body, quickly wrapping the towel over Evan's shoulders again. Hey… wrap your arm around Congo's neck… and mine as well… please… I need to get you out of these pants, but I can't unless you're stable… I don't want you getting hurt…

Evan: He grunted softly but did as Andy said, quickly wrapping his arms around our necks so we in the process all 3 got a bit of the blanket over our shoulders

Andy: He grunted a few times as he tried wiggling the wet jeans off Evans body, chuckling softly as the boxers accidentally followed in the process Sorry… but it's so hard dragging wet jeans off! Ugh! He leaned back in the car and sighed relieved as he was done. Evan was now sitting between us, butt naked, and it wasn't hard for me to read Andy's face. He was trying his hardest to not follow his urges. But after a couple of minutes he gave in, and started kissing Evan's neck softly… slowly letting a hand travel down to his dick, playfully running his fingers over Evan's soft skin. Yes, I remembered the softness very well.

❌Short sex scene START - readers must be 18+❌ ❌ (To skip sex scene, scroll till next marking) ❌

Congo: I leaned against the window and looked out at the rain… trying my best to give Evan some privacy, although it was almost impossible in a car, and especially when his arm was still wrapped around my neck, his fingers starting to dig into my shoulder as Andy started jerking him off. I heard the soft moans from him… and then I to my surprise felt him grab onto my hand, leading it down between his legs, locking it around his hard dick. What? I turned and looked at him, he didn't look at me, his eyes was closed, and his head was leaned backwards against the seat. I looked at Andy a bit hesitating, then at Evan as he moaned softly, quickly leaning closer to his ear, whispering softly Are you sure?

Evan: He nodded gently

Congo: I bit my lips and begged things wouldn't become weird again, as I slowly started moving my hand at the rhythm of Andy's, observing Evan as he moaned softly. He was still extremely tense, and shaky, so I couldn't blame him for wanting a quick relief. So I decided to give him just that, but without stepping over any lines. I planted a soft kiss on his temple and wrapped my arm around his head instead of his shoulders, dragging his head close to me so it could rest on my own shoulder. I heard him moan relieved from the comfort it seemed to bring him, and I felt his nails dig into my back. His arms were still over our shoulders as I watched our hands pump his dick.. it was still a soft, slow rhythm, but definitely more heated than last. I felt his breath getting hotter against the bare skin of my neck, and I kissed his hair gently, to reassure I was there for him to lean on. I tried my very best to remain calm and collected, but as I saw Andy bend forwards and start sucking off Evan, I lost if for a few seconds. I grabbed Evan's chin and lifted his head slowly towards me, observing his lips hungry as I moaned softly and licked them. He immediately opened his eyes and gasped, looking scared and confused. I quickly stopped my movements and let go of his dick I'm sorry… I just got caught up…

Evan: He looked terrified as if it wasn't me he was looking at, but someone else.

Congo: I'm so sorry Evan, please forgi… I didn't get to say more before he shook his head, gasped for air and dug his face into the arch between my shoulder and neck

Evan: I can't breathe!! His voice was shaky and filled with fear as he once again grabbed my hand and led it back to his dick Hold me!

Congo: Without hesitating I locked my hand around it again, facing Andy as he returned to sit normally next to Evan

Andy: Are you okay? He looked at Evan with worried eyes

Evan: Moaned softly

Congo: I kept moving my hand up and down, trying to not get too affected by his soft moans on my skin

Andy: Observed us for a while, and I noticed in his eyes, that he had noticed like me, that only I was touching Evan. He bit his lips hungry and leaned forwards to lick and bite Evan's nipples, making him moan a bit louder for each bite

Congo: I started praying Daniel would be home, as there would be no chance in hell I would be able to calm myself down after this car ride! And then Andy leaned in, starting to kiss Evan… at first he didn't kiss much back, he seemed to maybe even struggle a bit, but after a minute or so, Evan's tongue started twirling Andy's, and I couldn't help but stare, moaning satisfied as Andy turned his head slightly and let his tongue slip into my mouth for a change, Evan being trapped between us as I kept jerking him off. He moaned soft once in a while and as if this whole thing couldn't get more surprising, I felt him grab onto my hand on the outside, squeezing it hard so my hand automatically got tighter around his dick. But he didn't let go again, his hand kept it's tight grip on mine… I felt him breathe deeper and slower, moaning out long fragile moans, and as I looked at him, I noticed he had the same drowsy look on his face as Andy would get right before fainting. I looked out the window, we had just started driving up the mountain, so we would be home soon. I wanted to speak out to make Gaby drive slower, but I was afraid I would somehow make the glass spill over, so instead I changed the rhythm slightly, watching him tremble as he felt close to cumming, and so was I.

Andy: As he noticed the breakthrough, he sat up straight, and let Evan's arm slide off his shoulders, quickly grabbing both his own and Evan's dick, only jerking himself few times before he came with a deep moan. The cum slowly ran down his hand as he kept jerking a few more times, before he let go and licked the cum of his hand and fingers. He quickly leaned forwards, and shoved his tongue into Evan's mouth, clearly letting some of the cum seep into his mouth, and as Evan moaned deeply, I begged there were some left for me. And there were. Andy quickly turned his head, and kissed my lips, and as I slowly opened my mouth, he let the rest of the cum run into my mouth. I moaned softly as I tasted him.

Evan: He once again got that look on his face, as he was just about to faint, so I looked at Andy a bit questioning

Andy: Nodded at Evan's face Kiss him…

Congo: I shook my head lightly No… there's a line Andy.

Andy: He's done for Congo, and we're almost there. Please… for me….

Congo: Dammit! I could never say no to that boy! I leaned down and planted a soft kiss on Evan's mouth, and as I did I felt him go completely numb in his whole body. It was like he turned to butter and melted on the spot. I slipped my tongue into his mouth and fluttered it over his tongue, it was soft, and he tasted like pizza and sweet tobacco. He moaned soft and long, in a releasing tone, kinda like when you let air out of a wheel… And as I looked down, I saw him cum. I also saw his limp body dangling in our arms, and in a split second a devil got into And, ad he grabbed Evan's hips, and roughly pulled him closer to himself. I observed as Andy in a split second scooped Evan's cum up and rubbed it on both his own dick and Evan's hole, and as Evan seemed to come to his senses, Andy quickly pushed himself inside Evan, before he could get to react.

Evan: He moaned out loud as he felt Andy penetrate him and reached backwards, digging his nails into my upper arms, looking at me with drowsy eyes, as if he once again was just on the verge of passing out from the overflow of satisfaction in his body.

Congo: I wrapped my arms around his upper body tight and whispered softly I got you… I won't let go… And as he sighed out a big relieved moan, I once again knew I was doing the right thing, so I let go with one of my arms, and let my hand travel down his body, locking itself around his beautiful dick, and started pumping it, this time in a more solid rhythm. I observed Andy's dick gliding in and out of Evan, pounding him fiercely as Andy got on his knees, along the way lifting Evan's ass from the seat. God I was ready to burst, and nodded at Gaby thankfully in the mirror as she slowed down

Andy: Fuck!!! He moaned deeply and pressed his back against the roof of the car, starring intensely into my eyes as he kept fucking Evan, so hard Evan's legs were flopping around, and his big heavy, wet boots started sliding off, landing at the floor of the car with two loud bumps You're so fucking sexy, I can't even believe it! He looked at Evan with hungry eyes, and Evan answered in a small whimpering moan as his eye rolled back in his head and he sighed relieved as he came again Oh god yes!!! He grabbed Evan's dick and started pounding it so hard I had to wonder if that was even good for Evan, but as he looked up at me with scared eyes, grabbed for Andy's hand to slow down

Evan: I can't hold on!

Congo: What sweety? I looked at him with confused eyes

Evan: Please hold me! I his eyes got terrified and he gasped for air as he dug his nails further into my skin, making me moan out loud in pain

Congo: I looked at Andy worried

Andy: Just keep him calm he panted for air between his words keep him calm…

Congo: I placed a gentle hand on Evans cheek and caressed it softly, observing his drowsy eyes as they kept looking at me scared

Evan: I'm scared…

Congo: My voice was mild and warm What are you scared of sweety?

Evan: Moaned whimpering Letting go… what if I don't wake up again?

Congo: I frowned confused Letting go?

Evan: He moaned longing and his eyes made a quick roll again

Andy: He's gonna… he moaned deeply he's gonna pass out….

Congo: I looked at him with worried eyes Well stop then!

Andy: Shook his head Trust me! He groaned and panted for air It's the only thing that helps me, when I get THAT bad! So I'm gonna…

Evan: His voice was fragile, drowsy and hoarse as he interrupted Andy Fuck me…. and it quickly turned into just a sleepy mumbling fuck me…. He was still looking at me… but I'm pretty sure he was speaking to Andy. Wasn't he?

Congo: I kept stroking his cheek gently, looking into his eyes that now were more drowsy than before, he was really right there on the edge, and just as the thought circled in my head, I saw Evan's whole body flop around like a limp doll as Andy Started pounding him so hard I begged he would be okay.

Evan: He moaned vague, like from way deep inside him… like he was already gone, and his moans could no longer reach the surface fuck me….

Congo: I moaned deep as I gazed into his deep longing eyes… still not sure if he spoke to me, Andy or to just anybody that could crawl inside him for a while and erase the pain. So I decided to go the middle way and once again grabbed on to his dick. I watched his body twitch a few times, then it turned limp again, moving at the pounds of Andy, and it took about 15 seconds before I realised he had in fact passed out Andy… ANDY!

Andy: He looked at me with the same drowsy eyes that had just been planted on Evan

Congo: Andy, he's gone…

Andy: THANK GOD! He moaned out loud as he came, clearly he had been fighting to keep it back, cause as he kept pounding, the massive load of cum, got squished out of Evan and started dripping down on the leather seat and floor. It took Andy about 10 seconds to slow down and fully stop his moments, and for each pound, more cum got squished out. He panted and gasped for air as he leaned himself against the backseat and chuckled nervously That was fucking hard!

❌Short sex scene END - readers must be 18+❌ ❌ (Congrats, you successfully skipped sex) ❌

Congo: I gently brushed a hand over Evan's throat, searching for a pulse, smiling relieved as I found it. It was at a resting speed, so that was our blessing, and I let go of his dick, just in time to see cum slowly seep out of it and down the shaft. I wrapped my arms tight around his chest and gently lifted him upwards, kissing his hair softly Come back sunshine… follow my voice…

Gaby: Cleared her voice Sorry guys… we're home… and it might be better to leave him as I can see both Robert and Daniel stand outside your house. I imagine Evan doesn't wanna face this. I could also turn the car? she chuckled softly

Congo: Just stop.

Gaby: Okay… she stopped the car slowly and turned around to look at us My… he really had a lot built up in there, huh? She nodded at all the cum travelling down Evan's dick, down on the seat, and further down on the floor So what's the plan?

Congo: I looked at Andy with a soft smile I'm sorry, this is gonna be quick. Zip your pants… dry the seat and floor with Evans shirt and for God sake don't tell anyone!

Andy: Rolled his eyes I'm not brain dead!

Congo: I sighed softly Tell them we took a cab so we will be home soon…

Andy: But? He pointed towards the house

Congo: We're still far enough away for them to not be able to see anything in this heavy rain, so Evan and I will get off here. Just go with Robert and Daniel… and if you could join too Gabriella, please… go to the living room, get some soup from the freezer and heat it up slowly…. pretend we're right behind you… you'll figure something out.

Gabriella: She nodded agreeing

Congo: I'll get Evan to bed and then come meet you upstairs.

Andy: Chuckled cheekily Gotcha!

Congo: I bend forwards and kissed his forehead softly

Gaby: GO! Daniel is coming! Hurry! She chuckled warmly

Congo: I quickly grabbed on to the blanket, making sure it wouldn't slide off us, and ran out the door, nodding at Andy as he followed behind me to go sit on the passenger seat. And then I quickly disappeared into the darkness between the tall trees between our two houses. I chuckled softly as I noticed Evan's wet pants still hanging around his ankles My God you're a mess. I smiled at his sleeping face and kissed his nose gently, then upped the speed of my pace, quickly making it through the garden without Robert noticing from the street. I silently slipped into the TV room, and closed the door behind me, smiling satisfied as the room was bathed in a dimmed light from the night stand. I praised that I didn't have to stumble around in the dark among chips bags, lubes and dirty clothes. The room had come to remind me more and more of a teenage boy's room. Guess I lived with two of them. I chuckled softly and caressed Evan's cheek gently You sure are messy, but I'm happy you dumped into my arms, sweet boy. I gently laid him down on the bed, and softly dragged his pants off his ankles, smiling softly as I heard the front door open upstairs

Andy: Yeah… fuck… we totally spaced out, and when we got to the beach, they were gone. Yeah, they had started walking, and finally a cab had picked them up, so they should be here in a couple of minutes. I was finally able to get a hold of them when you saw Gaby stopped the car… yeah, that's why we stopped, in case we had to turn around!

Congo: I chuckled silently and felt proud. I gently dragged the half wet blanket out from under Evan and observed his naked moist body… then once again noticing all the cum. I looked around the room searching for something to dry him with, then sighed as I remembered I had towels in my pocket. I grabbed the package, and pulled one out, gently dappig the skin on his inner thighs, dick and parts of his lower stomach where the cum also had left him sticky.

Evan: He moaned softly and opened his eyes, then looked confused at me

Congo: I stopped drying him and backed away a few steps I'm sorry… I didn't mean to…

Evan: He looked around a bit disoriented

Congo: We're home.

Evan: How? His voice was soft but hesitating

Congo: I quickly explained the situation to him and tried to limit the eye contact to not make him too uncomfortable Alright… I'll head upstairs and see if they got the soup cooking. We could all need a quick bite to try to prevent a cold. I turned around to leave, but got stopped as he grabbed on to my hand

Evan: Please don't leave.

Congo: I turned around slowly and frowned a bit as I saw tears in his eyes

Evan: I'm so cold… I wanna take a shower, but for some stupid fucking reason I just feel too scared to be alone. Could you… he frowned deep and it was clear to see it was too hard for him to spit the words out

Congo: I could… I could take the shower with you… with my clothes on… I don't think that would break any lines? It would practically be like being in the rain together, only in our own home, right?

Evan: He nodded shyly Just boxers please…

Congo: I nodded softly Alright… but it would be okay for me if…

Evan: He forced the smallest smile ever seen by mankind Just boxers…

Congo: I reached my hand to him and slowly dragged him up, supporting him all the way to the bathroom, where I quickly turned on the tabs, regulating the temperature as I slowly got my shirt, shoes and jeans off. I decided it was better not to talk too much, so instead of asking if he was sure, I trusted him, and backed into the shower, disappearing under the water, where I reached my hand to him Come…

Evan: He hesitated a couple of seconds, before he grabbed onto my hand and slowly walked in, getting close to me so he could be under the water as well. He sighed deep from the heat as it poured over his skin, and I wondered if it was too hot for him, but then he leaned his forehead against my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my waist I'm sorry.

Congo: My voice was low and warm For what my dear?

Evan: He shook his head lightly For being such a mess.

Congo: I chuckled warmly I'm used to Andy. If I can survive that, I can surely also survive you. I wrapped my arms tight around him and squeezed him a little

Evan: He moaned softly and let his hands travel up to my chest, digging his fingers into my chest and my hairs in a wondering way. I feel safe with you….

Congo: I smiled softly I'm glad you do.

Evan: I'm so scared. Please don't tell Andy… I know how much the honeymoon means to both of you, and I don't wanna let you both down. But I'm terrified of being alone.

Congo: I grunted softly Evan… you wont be letting anyone down by confessing that. But you let yourself down if you keep it inside.

Evan: He nodded softly and sighed I know. But I would rather let myself down than you guys. You have both been so kind to me. And patient.

Congo: Watching him, hearing him talk like that… I sighed deep as tears started gathering in my eyes Now please listen you little picture of misery. I bend down and planted a soft kiss on his forehead Evan… You need to start putting yourself first. Just once in a while, alright? I don't expect you to start with this honeymoon. But the offer still stands that we can bring you along. I can call right now and make the reservations.

Evan: No, please! He took a deep breath I'll be fine. Dad is here, Daniel is here and I sleep most of the day anyway. I want you two to go and have the honey moon you never had. At least for the weekend. You aren't that far away anyway, so I should be able to manage.

Congo: Alright, but promise me you'll call if it gets too bad for you?

Evan: He nodded softly If you promise to not let anyone know about this conversation… no one… at all.

Congo: My lips are sealed.

Evan: He snuggled his face at my chest and sighed deep I like the smell of you. I begin to understand why it soothes Andy.

Congo: I smiled softly and ran my fingers through his hair Do you feel better?

Evan: Mmh He sighed deep a bit…. just hold me.

Congo: I paused as I questioned his words

Evan: I mean… really hold me this time.

Congo: I chuckled silently

Evan: He suddenly turned a bit stiff in his body again

Congo: Are you okay? I stroke his back gently

Evan: Yeah… I… he took two quick steps back and I realized he was hiding a boner as he quickly turned around, blushing so much it creeped down his neck I'm sorry… I… he reached out of the shower to grab his towel, but before I could get to react, he slipped and landed on the floor with a loud yelp

Congo: Evan! I quickly got out of the shower and squatted down next to him, as he kept yelping and whimpering like a beaten dog I'm so sorry I didn't get to catch you!

Evan: Kept whimpering and grabbed on to my hips

Congo: Where do you hurt?

Evan: Hip!!! I could see tears started streaming from his eyes fucking shit!!

Congo: I have to admit I chuckled a bit there. I apologize, but even I can't be all cool, calm and collected all the time

Evan: Frowned at me It's not fun! whimpered and hit my shoulder

Congo: Sorry, sorry I chuckled softly

Andy: Are you guys alright?!? He burst through the bathroom door looking pale as a ghost We heard Evan scream!! What's happening????

Congo: Andy please shut the… before I could get to say more, Daniel burst through the door as well

Daniel: Hey is everything alri… he paused as he noticed me and Evan on the floor heeeey are you two he made the classic blowjob miming and wiggled his eyebrows

Evan: Dug his fingers deeper into my hips and grinded his teeth

Congo: I had had just about enough DANIEL! My voice roared through the bathroom and apparently startled Gaby as she also joined…. followed by Robert…. what is this? A fucking theatre?!

Andy: Squatted down next to us and looked at Evan with concerned eyes What happened?

Gaby: Does he need a doctor?

Robert: Evan, tell me what happened…

Daniel: Miming a blowjob

Congo: I admit I lost it as I in a split second grabbed my size 47 shoe and flung it through the room hitting Daniel straight in the forehead, making him take a few steps backwards before he bumped into Robert ENOUGH!!!

They all starred at me like they had seen a wild bear… I guess I was not much off

Congo: I looked at Evan with soft eyes as I noticed he also looked scared I'm sorry you had to see that.

Evan: He nodded softly

Congo: Can you stand?

Evan: Looked scared at all the dummies still standing and starring at us No.

Congo: I looked at them all with an impatient glare Leave! Now! Andy! Not you! I shook my head lightly and turned to Evan, smiling at him softly as everyone left Can you stand now?

Evan: He made a move as to try to stand but yelped in pain

Congo: I guess not! Alright, wrap your arms around my neck, I'm used to carrying you anyway by now. As he did so, I lifted him quickly as to spare him for more pain and smiled softly at Andy Can you go call Akin please? (Gaby's cousin) I need him to take a look at Evan's hip to make sure nothing is broken.

Evan: No! I detected fear returning in his voice

Congo: I'm sorry Evan, but this one I can't slack on. If it's broken we need to get you to a hospital ASAP or you might end up with permanent damage!

Andy: Looked at me worried

Congo: Go sweetheart! It's probably just the fall… but we gotta make sure.

Andy: He nodded nervously and ran out the door

Congo: Alright, let's get you to bed. I carried Evan slowly to bed and sat down next to him, gently caressing his hair Try to keep calm, alright.

Evan: He sighed shakily and closed his eyes grabbing onto my free hand tightly as Andy walked down the stairs with Akin behind him.

Andy: Quickly made his way to us and kneeled down next to Evans head, planting a soft kiss on his cheek Everything will be okay, I promise. Akin is very skilled.

Evan: He looked at Andy with wet eyes and then up at me I can't. It's too much!

Congo: I smiled softly at him Please try to relax, I know it's hard, but Andy and I are right here, and we wont let anything happen to you.

Evan: The fear in his eyes pained me, and I wish I could prevent him from that fall so he wouldn't be in this position right now. As he closed his eyes again, tears streamed down his temples

Congo: Sweet boy, everything will be fine, you have nothing to worry about. I promise. I wont let go of you.

Evan: He nodded softly

Andy: He looked up at me with wet eyes and mimed 'thank you' and I smiled back at him lovingly

Akin: Right… I know this isn't easy, it's never fun when you have to show yourself naked to someone new… But I promise I will make it as quick and less uncomfortable as possible.

Congo: I nodded agreeing and squeezed Evan's hand

Akin: He gently pulled the blanket aside and placed his hands on Evan's hip, feeling his way over the bone, with calm steady hands, Evan once in a while groaning from pain. After about a minute he grabbed his bag and pulled some things out, smiling softly at the 3 of us Nothing is broken. Nothing is pushed or sprained. It's just badly bruised and of course the impact caused pain. I will lay a wrap of herbs and healing leaves under a bandage. He should keep that on for the next two days, even if most of the pain will be gone by tomorrow morning. But to prevent swelling it's better to leave it on.

Congo: I nodded softly and brushed my hand over Evan's forehead, down his temples to dry off his tears

Akin: As he was done laying the bandage, he gently pulled the blanket back over Evan Now try to walk as little as possible, and stay off the stairs the next 12-15 hours if possible. It will help you heal faster.

Congo: I nodded softly Thank you… I'll make sure he gets some rest Akin. Sorry we had to call you over so late in the night.

Akin: Nodded towards the ceiling Nevermind… I smell Gaby's soup, so if you don't mind me joining it will be payment enough for the "inconvenience"…

Congo: I chuckled softly Well, that's actually my cooking, she's just heating it up.

Akin: Ahh… even better he smiled warmly and padded Andy's shoulder Always nice to see you Andy.

Andy: Sighed softly But always wrong circumstances.

Akin: Nah… it wasn't that bad this time… it's a vast improvement he winked at Andy and got up I'll see you upstairs perhaps.

Congo: As he left I padded Evan's cheek softly I'm still in my wet boxers, can you stay here with Andy while I go grab a dry pair?

Evan: He nodded softly and grabbed on to Andy's hand instead

Congo: I'll be right down, I promise. As I entered the living room all talking died out, and everyone just starred at me. Specially Daniel who still looked rather shocked. So I walked over to him quickly and grabbed his chin firmly, looking deep into his eyes, speaking in a firm voice You need to learn when to shut your mouth, before someone does it for you! I pressed my lips against his and gave him a greedy kiss, then slapped his cheek gently as I let go of him again. Glad to see the shoe didn't leave a mark. I stroke his forehead softly a few times and smiled gently at all of them. Very shortly. We were both wet, I was helping Evan to a shower as he wasn't feeling well. He slipped and hit his hip. He's okay now, nothing broken, but I ask you all to stay away from the tv room tonight. He needs space and peace. I smiled warmly at Robert Your son will be fine, I promise to keep him safe. So this is me, leaving to get some dry clothes, I promised him to get back fast, and that's what I intend to do.

Robert: Nodded softly Thank you. I will leave with Daniel once we're done eating, we will go have a few drinks next door with Gaby and Akin, so you will have the house to yourself.

Congo: I nodded softly Thank you, I appreciate that. We will see you all tomorrow at the wedding? I smiled warmly as everybody smiled and nodded. As I few minutes later entered the tv room in dry boxers, I was glad to find Evan and Andy all snuggled up in bed, spooning in the light from the tv How are you both holding up? I sat down on the edge of the bed, stroking both of their hair

Andy: He smiled at me softly A bit better… but we missed you.

Congo: You did? I smiled warmly

Evan: Nodded his head softly

Congo: I chuckled lightly Well, then scoot over a bit so I can get to lay down too. I chuckled silently as they both moved backwards in the bed and quickly slipped under the blanket next to Evan. What are you guys watching?

Andy: Chuckled softly We aren't watching much… but it's Bridget Jones…

Congo: Ahh… I turned to my side, then hesitated a bit, before I slipped a pillow between my ass and Evan's crotch. I guessed it was more comfortable for him that way. I smiled softly as I heard people starting to clear out the table upstairs. I very rarely minded people in my home, but right now the thought of a quiet house was the most pleasing thing I could think of… well that and maybe finally some sex for myself. But that's what the wedding night is for. I smiled to myself at the thought of marrying Andy next day… or re-marrying him as he called it. The feeling gave me a certain calm warmth in my whole body, and I had just started drifting away in thoughts of the big day as I heard Evan softly moan behind me Are you okay?

Evan: Moaned even softer and I quickly realized it was another kind of moaning… so that's what Andy had meant when he said they weren't watching much!

Congo: I sighed softly and got up slowly Boys I'll be upstairs… people left now, and I'll go sit in my quiet kitchen, maybe even get a bit of soup and a news paper… I just can't handle more of this today, or my balls will be the next thing needing medical assistance. As I walked up the stairs I heard Andy yell for me and quickly walked few stairs back down to be able to look down into the tv room, he was now sitting up in the bed reaching a hand towards me

Andy: Come back down please… I'll take care of you.

Congo: I smiled softly and frowned lightly I can't, I'm sorry.

Andy: Please…

Congo: I looked at them both and hesitated a bit, but as I saw Evan nod lightly I slowly walked back down to them I need to ask what's going on now… although I know that might just overfloat the glass and make it all spill over. I just gotta know where this is heading?

Andy: Shhh… It's heading for a blowjob he chuckled softly and grabbed the elastic of my boxers Come lay down between us…

Congo: I looked at Evan a bit worried

#unicornmanes #trigger warnings:#anxiety #panic attack #depression #Evan Thompson #Congo Shaw #Andycorn #Andy Shaw-Thompson #Akin Lupei #Gabriella Lupei #Daniel Chase Hartwig #Robert Thompson

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musicalmetaphors47 · 1 year

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TW: sh

All the pain and trauma boil just underneath my skin.

It’s just far enough beneath the surface

That no one else can see it,

But I sure as hell can feel it

Like a fire raging in my veins

And a pressure-cooker about to explode.

I writhe against the incoming torment.

I finally cave and slice open my skin

To let some of the pain out.

But to no avail,

My breathing speeds up,

And I am left clutching my chest and gasping for air.

So I cut again

And again

And again.

Moving further and further up my arm,

Desperately slicing deeper and deeper to find some relief.

But as soon as I remove the blade I am right back where I started…

Panicking,

Alone,

And in endless amounts of agony.

(If you are struggling with sh please reach out for help you are not alone)

#trigger warning #self h@rm #tw sh vent #depression #anxiety #depressing post #mentalheathawareness #pain and suffering #poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #darkness #panic attack #ptsdawareness #women writers

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tunasama13 · 1 year

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Ah fuck! I traumatized my blorbo again! :(

**SCREAMS AND THROWS MIGUEL ANGST INTO THE FAMILY FUNCTION**

MAJOR TW FOR ATTEMPTED S/H, SELF DEPRECATION, AND IMPLIED CHILD DEATH

Another day goes by like the ever so slight movement of the holographic clocks ticking. He took off his mask, knowing nobody was around to see the state he was in.

Everything inside of him hurt, it wasn’t that he was sore or anything, it was the feeling of constant guilt that was once again trying to rise out of his chest and suffocate him from the inside out. Everything is spiraling downwards, way too quickly for his liking.

Everyone was in the common area doing whatever, and he managed to slip away into the shadows without anyone noticing. It wasn’t hard to do, considering everyone was focused on Hobie and Pavitr arguing about the concept of a hotdog being a sandwich.

He’s always been kind of a loner anyways, if anyone noticed him leaving, they likely didn’t think much of it. Good riddance, considering what has been going on since the morning until now.

He was in a pretty pissy mood all day, and the others seemed to take notice of it. He even snapped at them when he didn’t mean to, over something that didn’t even warrant that reaction. He only realized he had yelled at them when Gwen looked visibly nervous, to which he quickly muttered out a ‘Sorry’ and swung away.

Jess was worried, she has been since that day, yet she still backed off, it was normal for him to be like this after the accident.

But today...? He couldn’t even bear to look at himself in the mirror on the wall of the monitor room.

All he saw was a pathetic excuse of a leader, a friend, a husband.

A father.

Before he knew it, the pain became way too much for him to handle, a feeling he had felt so many times for the last month crawled up his throat. Pain. Hatred, Fear... it all gathered in the corners of his eyes.

It hurt so bad, he wanted to scream- No, he couldn’t let them hear him. He’s done such a good job at hiding everything up to this point, he can’t let some stupid episode break his streak.

He stifles a sob, it comes out as a choked sound, helpless, like it came from the people he was supposed to be saving. His hands, no, his whole body was shaking, he was losing control.

“Stupid... stupid... STUPID!!!” He stumbles backwards after slamming his fist into his own temple, only to be caught by the wall behind him. He barely even registered that he was on the floor until everything seemed so much bigger than him.

How would they react if they knew? Would they replace him with someone more competent, less swayed by their emotions? Would they laugh at him? For fucks sake, most of the team was made up of kids, kids who have had their entire lives taken away from them.

What would they even do if they saw him right now?

He’d replace himself too.

He shouldn’t be the one shaking with silent sobs, tears running down his face, he has to be the adult here! But he can’t control anything, it’s like something in his mind was controlling every single movement he made.

A marionette being controlled by the cruel inevitablity of the universe.

He wonders, if he hadn’t been so ignorant, if only he was there in time. She would still be here, their daughter is gone, forever. Nothing could bring her back, and he knew it. He wasn’t Kingpin, falsely motivated by something that would never work in the first place.

He was supposed to be comforting his other team members after losing their person, but no matter how much he tried to push down everything to help, it always swung back to hit him even harder than before.

It was only a matter of time before he broke down in front of everyone, helpless, worthless, pathetic.

“...shut up shut up shutupSHUTUPSHUTUP!” He croaked, pulling on his own hair, hitting himself, doing whatever he could to punish himself for being such a goddamn weakling. His sobs were slowly becoming louder, he needed to shut up. Everything was for the good of the multiverse, and he knew it, so why did it hurt so much? Why did he constantly want to rip his own heart out in hopes he would just stop feeling things?

(Whoopsie doodles TW section for attempted S/H here!)

That’s it, he thinks, he needs something to drag him out of this pit he’s fallen into. His claws pop out with a *shnk!*, he immediately goes for his own throat, expecting to feel the warm gush of blood. Lyla would warn someone if he ripped out his own neck, she was gone for now. At least until the biometrics on his suit would start going crazy from blood loss.

But... nothing happens. All he can feel are his scarred fingerpads harshly digging into his skin, he forgot, he couldn’t cut himself open with his own talons.

‘Stupidshockingbastard you couldn’t even save your DAUGHTER and you forgot your own body’s limits, idiot idiot-“.

He barely registers the feeling of his own nails clawing at his throat, it barely hurts, it’s nothing compared to everything restrained behind the small leak of emotion that had sprung out.

He wonders if just letting this out hurts this much, he could only imagine how absolutely horrible that full tidal wave of held back emotions would feel. He can already feel the pressure building, migraines, constant nausea, falling asleep on his own computer.

Even they were trying to coax him to air out this terrible fucking feeling in one way or another, constantly holding him, giving him sweet little messages and pecks on the cheek before leaving for work. One night they even tried getting him to open up, only for him to selfishly deny them any chance of him opening up and letting everything go.

The hands scrabbling at his neck finally relent, he stares down at them, watching them tremble in tandem with his own heavy breathing.

He wishes he could be like Peter, who was most likely looking for Mayday. He’s jealous, he hates seeing Peter and Mayday do the stuff him and Gabriella used to do before that asshole took his perfect life away from him.

He hears himself yelp and flinch as another set of hands wrap around his own, his heart drops. This is it, he’s been caught, everyone’s going to find out. His breathing immediately picks up as he struggles weakly, trying to pry whoever was holding his hands off of him.

The hands move down to a little bit below his wrist, gently rubbing circles as a grounding method knowing his hands are sensitive.

“It’s okay... you’re gonna be okay... just breathe” It’s a familiar voice, thank shock, it’s just Jess. He’s still not okay though, his quiet sobs relenting as they’re replaced with quick, heavy breathing.

“Lyla told me you weren’t doing good... do you want to talk about it?” She smiles gently, he knows she knows what he went through, she’s trying to help. But some side of him hates it, he hates feeling like a helpless child, someone who needs to be saved.

He pushes her away, getting a surprised sound as he struggles to stand up, his vision spinning.

“No- no... I’m fine.” He bites out, wiping his tears with his wrist. Why is he like this? It’s stupid and foolish, but he can’t stop himself, it’s like he’s on autopilot.

He really didn’t want to seem small, not in control. Jess glares, yet there’s no real heat behind it.

“Okay, I want an excuse to how you could be fine when you’re curled up in the corner crying your eyes out!” Jess crosses her arms as he stumbles a bit, trying to get away.

“Listen Jess, I really don’t want to deal with this right now, I’m tired from today’s shenanigans and I would really appreciate it if-“ He was silenced when Jess grabbed his wrist, she looked pissed, yet still concerned.

“Are you crazy?! Holding everything back isn’t going to fix this! And I don’t care if your excuse is that you don’t want anyone to see you looking “weak”, everyone is already worried about you because of your month long vacation you didn’t explain to them!” She shoots back, it was enough to quiet him down. Leaving him to tremble at the idea of everyone finding out again.

Jess sighs, gently pulling him towards a chair and almost forcefully pushing him down onto it by the shoulders.

“Now, you’re going to tell me what set you off so we can finally get somewhere for once, then I’m getting you a drink and something to eat because you look like five seconds away from death-“ She continued in her rambling, leading him to sigh and draw his knees up to his chest. This was about to be a very long lecture about how foolish he was acting.

Understandable though.

#spiderman 2099 #spiderman atsv #throws my cringe ass angst fanfic at you and runs #WE STAN SUPPORTIVE MOM FRIEND JESS!!!#Miguel when emotions:#OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??? GRIEF??? ANXIETY??? SHOVE IT ALL DOWN!!!#he seems like the kind of person to bottle his emotions up and overwork himself into burnout #and also hide his anxiety attacks and emotional breakdowns #also most of this is my interpretation but I left the mentioned partner in there to add your own interpretation #man needs to CRY #and he needs a hug #with consent of course <3 #trigger warning #tw s/h mention #ALSO ME WHEN JEALOUS MIGUEL???#BUT JEALOUS WITH PETER SINCE HE HAS ALIVE BABY BUT MIGUEL HAS DEAD BABY???#I can’t wait to see what the actual reeses peanut butter fuck happened to her #across the spiderverse #spiderverse

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lucybronzey · 8 months

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so basically my anxiety has been very physically painful today which is fucking shite! is there someone i can talk with who knows what i mean? thank you in advance! (by physical i mean like anxiety is trying to impersonate a stroke or a heart attack)

#tw #tw: anxiety #anxiety #tw: heart attack #tw: stroke #trigger warning #anxiety attack #mental health

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storiesofateenager · 11 months

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anxiety

I've had seriously bad anxiety since the very beginning of my memories.

Young Anxiety

I remember being in elementary school, probably somewhere between 2nd and 4th grade, and making it extremely difficult for my parents to get me out of the house and into the car to go to school. I would scream and cry because I didn't want to go. At that time, I obviously didn't know I was anxious, but it's clear now that that's what it was. My parents would have to physically pick me up and carry me out of the house. Sometimes they would yell at me while doing it, sometimes they would ask me what was wrong and why I didn't want to school. They would ask me if I was having problems with the other kids or with teachers, probably afraid that I was being badly bullied or abused. But I wasn't. One day, my dad even cried. Not out of frustration or anger, but out of sadness that I was so emotional about school, and probably out of sadness that he didn't know what was happening. I remember thinking he was mocking me, and I even asked him in the moment. He either didn't explain it or I was so emotional in the moment that I forgot what he said.

I also know that I was scared of my teachers. Most of them weren't even mean, and a lot of them liked me because I was so quiet and I did what I needed to do. But I was always afraid that I would do something wrong and get yelled at, even though my teachers weren't the type to yell at students. I wouldn't ask questions out of fear that the teachers and my peers would judge me. At that time, the only reason I would get all of my work done was because I didn't want the teacher to confront me about it. At that point, I was really conscious of my behavior rather than my appearance, because I didn't feel self-conscious about that until middle school.

First Panic Attacks

My first panic attack ever was in my grandmother's house when I was really young, probably 7 to 9 years old. I don't remember if we were there for a holiday or something like that, but my family had gone over there for some reason. We hung out there all day, and then my siblings and I decided we wanted to sleep over. Our parents and grandparents were fine with it, so our parents eventually left. While we were there, one of my siblings got sick and suddenly threw up. My grandparents dealt with it, cleaned it up, etc. After a while, I started feeling nauseous. You'd think this meant I was going to get sick too, but that wasn't what it was. I felt like I couldn't calm down. I couldn't take a deep breath, and I was speaking gibberish to my grandparents about how my stomach hurt but I didn't want to sit down and I didn't feel like I was going to throw up even though I was nauseous. I was panicking, although again, I didn't know it then. This is what sparked my huge fear of throwing up, which I still have now. Eventually, I calmed down, but it took a while. I don't remember what happened after that. I don't think I ever ended up getting sick, even days later, but I'm not exactly sure.

The next big panic attack I remember having was in school. I was still in elementary school, probably around the same age as my last panic attack. I don't remember why, but I had gone to the nurse for something other than the panicky feeling. I might've been dizzy or started feeling nauseous. Anyway, I was sitting in the nurse's office, waiting for her while she was helping out another student. She had a fishtank in the waiting area, which I always looked at a ton while I was in there. At some point, she came over to me and asked me what was wrong. I knew her pretty well because I had been there a few times and my older brother had a reputation for going to the nurse all the time just because he was bored of class. While she was talking to me, I started losing touch with reality and getting fidgety. It went from 0 to 100 really quick, with me unable to articulate what exactly was happening but making it clear that I was freaking out. She was the first person that said the words "panic attack" to me, by asking if I had had one before. I said yes, remembering this feeling from my grandma's house. She got me a cup of water. I kept telling her that I couldn't "remember" the things around me, that they felt unfamiliar (but of course I was using a 3rd grade vocabulary and she didn't understand what I meant at all, which made it even worse). Again, I don't remember how I calmed down or what happened afterwards, but I now had words that I could put to the feeling. I also now know that I was also dissociating in that moment, which I've experienced multiple times since then as well, but I can talk about that in a different post.

Hospitalization

*tw: eating disorders*

In 4th or 5th grade, I was hospitalized because of my anxiety. Basically, my whole family had gotten the flu and felt sick for about a week. No one threw up from what I remember, but we all felt nauseous, had no appetite, and were feverish. Once we all started to feel better, I didn't. The flu symptoms went away, of course, but my anxiety towards being nauseous didn't. My relationship with food deteriorated as I was afraid that I would throw up if I ate. So I stopped eating. I was drinking water and such though. I know now that if I would've been sick, I would've thrown up whether I was eating or not. But I didn't know that at that age. My parents knew I wasn't eating, but I guess they assumed I would eventually cave and eat again. However, the longer I went without eating, the more the thought of eating disgusted me. They didn't know why I stopped eating, and I didn't know how to tell them. This went on for weeks. My mom had let the principal and guidance counselor know about it, so I was getting pulled out of class to go to the office and talk to them about it every day. I still didn't know how to tell them why I wasn't eating, mostly because I was embarrassed. Eventually, I got frustrated. So I told them about my family being sick and my fear of throwing up.

They didn't believe me.

They assumed I was being bullied, or that it had something to do with my weight and body. It didn't. I was just an anxious kid who didn't know how to deal with it. I kept telling them this story, and they kept asking me to tell them the truth. I didn't understand. I was telling them the truth. I got pulled out of class again, but it was different this time. My parents were in the office this time, crying. I was confused, but I started crying too. The principal and my parents started telling me that they had decided they were going to take me to the hospital because I was getting scarily skinny and they didn't know what else to do. So, they took me to the hospital.

I got an IV put in, obviously. They took my blood and told my parents that I was very malnourished and my organs were close to failing. They had a psychologist come to my room and talk to me with my parents outside. She asked me things about my body image, and she told me I was beautiful. I was confused, because as I said, this had nothing to do with my body or feeling ugly. I got no sleep while I was there, because a nurse would have to take my blood in the middle of the night. I eventually ate one singular meal, which I guess they thought was enough for me to be discharged. I continued not eating for a little bit after I went home, but I eventually started eating again slowly. They forced me to start going to therapy afterwards.

Therapy

My first therapist was cool. I still hadn't told my parents the reason I stopped eating in the first place, so the goal my therapist set with me was to get me to open up about that. Now that I had told someone and they didn't believe me, I didn't want to tell anyone anymore. I went to multiple sessions, talking about nothing. I wasn't a talkative kid, so a lot of our sessions were rather silent. Her therapy style was to stay silent so that I felt the need to talk, but it didn't work well on me. I had no problem with silence. Eventually, I knew I needed to tell people, because my parents wouldn't leave me alone about it. So I told my therapist. I cried talking about it. She believed me, and told me that I should tell my mother at least. I did. This is when I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. After that, I told my mom I didn't want to go to therapy anymore. She made me tell my therapist in person that I was done with it the next session. I cried so hard because I felt horrible telling her I didn't want to see her anymore. But, that was over.

About a year or two later, in middle school (probably 6th grade), my anxiety was getting bad again. Not to the point that it was at when I was hospitalized, but still bad. My mom wanted me to go to therapy again, and I agreed that I probably should. She found me a new therapist. This one lasted a much shorter amount of time. We just didn't connect. She rarely asked me questions about myself. Again, it was mostly silence. After a couple months, I told my mom I didn't want to go back because I didn't feel like I could talk to her. So I stopped going.

Now, I'm in therapy again. It wasn't only for anxiety, but a big part of it was that. The therapist I see now is amazing. We've connected, she asks me questions when she sees I can't think of anything to talk about, and we're able to joke and laugh together on top of talking about serious topics. Now that I'm older, I understand that I have to open up about difficult topics to change, so I'm more willing to push myself out of my comfort zone. I've cried so many times with this therapist, and I feel less and less embarrassed about it every time. I was hesitant at first to get back into therapy after two negative experiences, but I'm so glad that I did.

Current-Day Coping

Today, I obviously still have panic attacks and I still get irrationally anxious about small things. I've spent many nights crying and wishing that I could just function normally and not be so afraid of normal things that no one else has a second thought about. However, through therapy and through having to deal with it for years and years, I've learned ways to cope. When I get really anxious, I name countries in alphabetical order. For example, I start with A and name a country that starts with A, then I go to B, then I go to C, and so on. I meditate too, which I REALLY reccommend to people who have trouble breathing when they get anxious. Breathwork sounds stupid, I know, but it really can work.

If you get really anxious, I reccommend turning off your phone or any screen that you're focused on, turning off the lights, and just breathing. Open a window or sit outside in the fresh air. Take a shower, open a notebook and write about anything. There are so many ways that you can distract yourself, as well as ways that you can physically regulate your body. You're safe, you're not alone, and you're going to be okay.

#anxiety #panic attacks #generalized anxiety disorder #coping mechanisms #personal #therapy #life experiences #diagnosis #mental health #trigger warning #teenager #personal experience #personal story

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