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patron-minette · 1 year

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pls share one headcanon each for Gueulemer, Babet, Claquesous, and Montparnasse?

Hello anon! Thank you for such a fun question!!

I have a ton of headcanons about these characters, all of them existing entirely within the historical contexts of the novel’s narrative. Sorry that this has turned into rather a long post, I couldn’t help but go into detail about each headcanon (I spend too much time thinking about them…)

Gueulemer;

You know how in the novel we are told that Gueulemer dwells in the Arche-Marion sewer? Well, my headcanon is that all the washerwoman of the nearby Arche-Marion barge are obsessed and infatuated with him.

I envision them all watching with bated breath for this huge man to emerge from his sewer and cross over the Pont Notre-Dame during the day, adjusting their dresses and pinching their cheeks to rouge them in anticipation of his appearance. And, when he does walk by the barge Gueulemer is always greeted to a gaggle of excited, flirtatious women asking him how he is and where he’s off to.

Perhaps they might even offer to wash his clothes for him— if only so that they can admire his Farnese Hercules physique up-close, as he’d have to come aboard the barge boat to deliver his garments to them. Maybe they might even ask Gueulemer if he could help lift some items on and off the barges, claiming that they needed a big, strong man who could help out on the boat. Naturally, he would happily to help out, all the while remaining utterly clueless to the fact that the washerwoman greatly enjoy him and his bulging muscles.

Babet;

Drawing upon Babet’s past as a quack dentist, I’ve always perceived him as having a creepy fascination with teeth in general— and imagined that he would have a slight fixation with collecting teeth wherever he could.

Not only does this headcanon include Babet taking the time to carefully extract all the teeth from individuals murdered by the Patron-Minette, but it also involves him going to the barricades and pulling as many teeth as he could from all of the unclaimed corpses that were left behind. And, yes, Babet too would enjoy entering into Paris’s catacombs and pulling the teeth from the old skulls that resided there too.

He would then put painstaking effort into making the most ghastly sets of false teeth that you have ever seen. But, he would remain immensely proud of his dentistry work— and perhaps might even wear a hat like this to advertise his teeth pulling skills:

(Yes, items of this kind were indeed real and sometimes worn by a street dentists in order to demonstrate their expert tooth pulling skills to all their customers [source])

Maybe Babet even dabbled in creating some sentimental / mourning tooth jewellery also (again, I hate to break it to you but this was not unheard of in nineteenth-century Europe). He might’ve even made or commissioned a piece of “mother’s jewellery” to be made for his wife in the past that included the milk teeth of their children…

Claquesous;

If I’m being honest, I don’t have all that many headcanons about Claquesous. He is already shrouded in so much mystery, and I tend to enjoy picking apart + speculating about him more-so than thinking of headcanons. However, there is one idea that has recently been floating around in my mind about the character which I shall share.

We all know that Claquesous is an ominous figure that Hugo describes as a “ventriloquist”, right? Well, did you know that ventriloquism’s origins directly lie in necromancy and witchcraft? I didn’t until fairly recently… and now I can only imagine a range of eerie scenarios involving Claquesous engaging in multiple spiritual practices such as necromancy in his free time.

Naturally, I can imagine the character feeling a close spiritual connection to the Parisian catacombs, and perhaps he might even live down there— serving as a “living ghost” who resided in the shadows and could communicate the words of the deceased from his own mouth. He would absolutely petrify those who dared venture down to visit the macabre site.

Montparnasse;

I've always perceived Montparnasse to be a bit of an Opiumiste (sorry to everyone who already knows of my thoughts on this through reading my fic, but I realised I’ve never actually vocalised this headcanon properly on my blog before). After all, we are told in the novel that this character possesses all the vices— and it’s always seemed likely to me that one of his many “vices” involves him dabbling with the substance.

There is a rich history of opium consumption in this era that renders it entirely plausible to suggest that Montparnasse would’ve been a habitual user in 1832.

Whilst opium could be found in many medicines of the day across Europe, the substance was beginning to be experimented with in a purely recreational manner during the 1820s and 1830s. You only need to look at texts written by the Romantics and Thomas de Quincy after they began taking the substance for pleasure to see how it was becoming influential in certain circles of artists, decadents and dandies in this period.

Hence, casual opium consumption would likely have been rife in 1830s Paris, especially for fashionable young fops. And, knowing that Montparnasse models himself on such figures, it seems only natural to me that he would frequently indulge in the drug. The relaxing high that the substance provides might also contribute to Montparnasse’s general idleness also.

BONUS HEADCANON

Lastly, I thought I’d add a final headcanon that I have for the entire Patron-Minette gang…

In the novel, it is implied that Lacenaire, a real life criminal of the time whom Hugo momentarily introduced into the fictional narrative of Les Misérables, knows of the Patron-Minette:

When the chief justice of the circuit court visited Lacenaire in jail, he questioned him over a felony that Lacenaire denied committing. “Who did it, then?” the judge demanded. Lacenaire gave this reply, puzzling to the magistrate but clear as day to the police: “Could be Patron-Minette.”

Hence, there exists an idea in my mind that the Patron-Minette and Lacenaire have a slight rivalry— wherein the Patron-Minette constantly try to pin their failed heists on Lacenaire, whilst Lacenaire does everything he can to shift the blame for his crimes onto the Patron-Minette. I can only imagine that this would leave the police force very frustrated and confused at times.

#thank you for the ask!#les mis headcanons #gueulemer #babet #claquesous #montparnasse #patron minette #patron-minette #les miserables #les mis #headcanons #historical context #ask response

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ramblingbrambles · 2 years

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To new magic practitioners,

Remember that most spells are recipes, not formulas. A few spells may be chemistry (or a lot of your a chaos practitioner who moonlights as a chemistry teacher, lol) where you need to be precise and measure ingredients, and elements at specific times, and follow detailed notes, both literally and metaphorically (please be safe and research things thoroughly both magically and scientifically especially if it’s something you’re consuming), but most are cooking, that is to say, they are a work of art not a practice of science. It’s okay to eyeball measure and to have little spills (though big spills or mishaps may mean that it’s not time for that spell and that you need more time to prepare, energetically or through research), but most importantly, it’s about the blend, the melding of ingredients that work to magnify each other and to create the specific intent you’re looking for. Choose ingredients for their characteristics, not characteristics for your ingredients (it’s okay to do things that are simple, not to say that you have to get a bunch of fancy ingredients, just choose with intent). If two things pair together, mix them or join them before they are added to full mixture. (a personal favorite ward (of many, always have many and never tell anyone all of them, even people you trust) is to take an iron nail and fasten it to the non-reflective side to make a ward that protects you while reflecting any (undeserved, this one tends to backfire if you’re the one causing trouble) ill will back to its source). Not all of your spells will work, and anyone who tells you all theirs spells work is a liar. In the beginning, A LOT of your spells won’t work and that’s okay. You don’t start out amazing at cooking no matter how much research you do (granted I was like seven and my research was reading exactly one side of a label, but one of the first things I ever cooked was tater tots with allspice and garlic and rosemary. not awesome, I thought allspice meant for everything, reading the back would have saved me a tray of ruined tater tots). You will screw up and you’ll learn way more from that than your successes. It is called a practice, because it is something you practice; that also means it’s okay to go slow or to only dabble in. You don’t have to master everything you practice (though you’ll find a strong practice is more attainable than you’d think when you learn to ritualize aspects of your daily life to affirm yourself) Switch paths as often as you feel you need to, it’s like your major in college. There’s such a stigma around changing what you want to focus on, but that’s such a reductive view of humanity and our endless capacity for change. switching paths doesn’t necessarily mean you were wrong before; some things we hold with us as long as they serve us and part respectfully when it no longer does. You should always be growing and there is always more to learn. Science and witchcraft are two sides of the same coin, they work together to form our experiences. Do ancestor work, even if your ancestors were bad people, there are some in all of our histories and no one said all ancestor work is pleasant. Each generation carries both the power and strength of their lineage and the burden of what stains it. Fellow white practitioners, this means decolonizing yourself and your practice and working to be an active anti-racist. Ask yourself who you were before you were white attempt to reconnect with that culture. Don’t speak over marginalized voices, don’t steal from their practices, and don’t center yourself in things that aren’t for you. Learn to garden, write lots of journals, be cautious with entities, including other humans. Share your gifts and practice if it brings you joy, but don’t be afraid to keep your practice private if you prefer. Worry less on out should and more about could, there’s many solutions to most problems. That’s all for now, go be the beautiful shining lights you are! With love, ramblingbrambles

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taking-thyme · 2 years

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Favorite Tropes: The Skill Monkey

My favorite role in any friend group, fictional or otherwise, is the skill monkey. I personally fill this role a lot in my groups, so I wanted to talk about it for a bit. Rambling ahead.

When I say “skill monkey”, I don’t mean the friend who’s booksmart or even that dude who actually knows how cars work. I mean the friend who has the most seemingly useless knowledge ever that somehow turns out to save the day. The kind of person who’s dabbled in pretty much every out-of-place skill you can think of. It’s the difference between actually studying and binging Wikipedia and Reddit at 3 in the morning. They're not booksmart at all, but they're still very knowledgeable. Bonus points if this skill or knowledge is never mentioned until it’s actually needed, or is mentioned with zero context whatsoever like during group banter.

The Skill Monkey is that friend who will randomly bring up experiences and skills and knowledge they've had that seems so nonsensical and weird in the most charming way possible. Like maybe the gang is fighting a killer clown and it turns out they’ve dabbled in clown college or know a lot about the history of clowns. Or a situation comes where they need to lead an enemy away and they’re suddenly able to throw their voice because SURPRISE! They were a ventriloquist for a year or two! Or they need to contact a Spirit and the skill monkey is already pulling out the Planchette and Pendulum because they just randomly had it with no prior context.

This makes a character who’s perfectly set up for both comedy and badassery. It’s perfect for Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass characters, or characters who seem stupid on the surface but suddenly become badass and amazing at something when the situation calls for it. Overly Sarcastic Productions has a very good video on this too. The skill monkey is the character who saves everybody’s asses by using a skill that no normal person would ever casually know. They’re particularly versatile and useful in a plot because they can know almost anything so long as the situation calls for it, though it works better if it’s a particularly strange skill. It leaves the audience wondering how the skill monkey will get everyone out this time, or what else they might know. Loads of room for both canon characterization and potential headcanons for the fandom to come up with.

But it’s important to make sure that the skill monkey doesn’t know everything. If they solve literally every single problem by themselves, it gets boring really really fast. That’s why the skill monkey works best in groups where they can work off of others and everyone’s unique skills and knowledge plays a role. Skill monkeys work really well in mystery, paranormal or fantasy series, particularly if it also has a comedy aspect. And remember to give the skill monkey certain quirks and defining traits beyond their skills - like maybe they’re constantly tired because they’re up all night researching new things. Or maybe it’s the opposite and they’re so full of energy that they rarely even need to sleep, hence why they have so much time for these things. Maybe they’re a non-human creature who doesn’t even need to sleep, or has lived for like 500 years so they’ve had the time to gather all their knowledge. What’s their aesthetic? Their defining personality traits? Stuff like that.

Skill monkeys are also fun because both the writer and even the audience can project their unique skillset onto them. If the writer knows a lot about witchcraft, so will the skill monkey. Got really into Mayan civilizations back in middle school? Give the story a plot point revolving around that and let the skill monkey work their magic! They practically write themselves, so personally I hope more people use this archetype in the future.

Anyways, end of rambling. Stay tuned for more Favorite Trope Dissections in the future!

#tropes #writing tips #writing ideas #character tropes #dynamics #character dynamics #oc #oc ideas #writing guide #favorite tropes series #skill monkey

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kemetic-dreams · 3 years

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An Introduction to Hoodoo

After dabbling in various spiritual practices, I discovered hoodoo and it changed my life. It provided a connection to my spiritual self that I hadn’t found in mainstream witchcraft and gave me the tools to directly handle the issues that come up in my life—money, relationship stress, even landlords. Hoodoo doesn’t have the barriers that many magical practices have—there’s just the work, and how you use it is up to you. Hoodoo grounds me and helps me find peace in troubling times. And when have times been more troubling than in 2020?

Hoodoo isn’t new, nor is it a catchall term for a variety of practices—which is how pop culture tends to portray it. Surprise! Hoodoo is actually its own practice with its own rules and history. In fact, the practice isn’t even called “spells,” but “work” or “chores.” It’s also been appropriated by many people—so a lot of misinformation is floating around online.

Hoodoo, at its core, is an African American tradition. It was created by enslaved people from various spiritual practices that they adapted to the land they found themselves in. Hoodoo is also known by other names, mainly conjure or rootwork. People who practice hoodoo work with a number of tools, such as candles, curios, and, of course, roots and herbs. Ancestor veneration is particularly important. Movies often show hoodoo as dark and harmful, but most of the work we do is concerned with healing and protection.

Hoodoo Isn’t Voodoo

There’s a lot of confusion about hoodoo and voodoo. If you think they’re the same, you’re not alone, but it’s time to unlearn that! Hoodoo and voodoo are very different. Voodoo, which is also spelled vodou, voudou, and voudun, is an actual religion that is commonly thought to have originated in Haiti and has roots in West African spiritual traditions.

As a religion, voodoo has specific practices, some of which you have to be ordained to perform. It has religious leaders, known as mambos and houngans, who oversee these practices. It has a set of deities and spirits that are worshipped and respected.

Hoodoo, by contrast, does not have these things. Although there is a belief in spirits and life-giving energies, there are no specific gods or god that you must follow. You are free to worship any gods (or not) that you want. There is no organized hierarchy. This isn’t to say there are no rules to working with roots—there are, but it does not have the specific structure associated with religion.

Hoodoo Isn’t for Everyone

Hoodoo is based in the African diaspora, and as such, it should be practiced only by African people. The work was developed to protect and heal us from the traumas of enslavement. We can see this in the roots used for traveling safely and the container works used for protecting the home against physical violence, winning a court case, or being overlooked by the law.

America has been dangerous to Black people since we were brought here, and hoodoo is a way for us to protect ourselves. It’s 2020, and these works remain incredibly relevant.

In order to practice hoodoo, you have to be able to engage with its history. As much as it may sting to hear, white people can’t practice hoodoo because you can’t call on the ancestors of oppressors of African people to engage in African magical traditions.

How to Get Started in Hoodoo

I started with a honey jar. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular when I stumbled upon a short article by Stephanie Rose Bird in an almanac. She outlined how to make a small honey jar—a jar filled with honey, curios, and herbs meant to “sweeten” a situation or person—and work it. (I use honey jars for creative work, but people also make them for their home, relationships, or just to promote self-love and self-care.) I wasn’t expecting anything, but I sat down and wrote my intentions, and over a few days, I slowly gathered the bits and pieces for my personal jar.

When I had everything I needed, I put it together and lit my first candle. To my surprise, I felt at peace and oddly accomplished. I hadn’t done much, but engaging in the process produced a connection and reaction that I was not expecting. I was hooked, and I sought out more. Before I knew it, I had an altar set up and candles in various colors just waiting for use.

I learned, quickly, that there are many fraudulent people who call themselves rootworkers and conjure doctors. In fact, some of the names that first come up in a Google search for “hoodoo” are those of white people who are often accused of cultural appropriation and not trusted by the community.

I had to really look to find resources I could trust. My search led me to more work by Bird, like her book Sticks, Stones, Roots & Bones, as well as historical texts like Zora Neale Hurston’s Hoodoo in America. I also found Mojo Workin’ by Katrina Hazzard Donald, which gave me the history of the practice.

You don’t have to begin your practice with a jar or any focused intention. There are plenty of works that are for general causes, such as safety or healing. Some say that the best way to begin is to get in touch with your ancestors through an altar. For those looking for a practical and simple way to get started, Bird’s book 365 Days of Hoodoo is a hands-on guide to immersing yourself in the practice.

How you engage with hoodoo is really up to you. Sit with it, find your comfort zone, and do the work.

#kemetic dreams #hoodoo #vodun #vodoo #african culture #africanspirituality #ifa

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niphredil-14 · 3 years

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The Lords With A Poppet Witch! S/o

*Just for context, by "Poppet Witch," I am referring to a practitioner of witchcraft who commonly/frequently/primarily performs imagery magick or uses poppets/dolls/etc. This does not mean that they only perform baneful magick, if they do at all. By 'Poppet,' I am referring to a more rag-doll form of poppet, as the poppets I make are usually made of yarn. Also, there is a mention of voodoo dolls here, and I would like to clarify that as voodoo is a closed practice, the poppets I am referring to are NOT voodoo dolls.*

Donna Beneviento:

I feel like Donna would feel the most positively about this. All this woman wants is friends, some company, and to not be hurt anymore, and she knows that friendships are commonly built upon common interests. Donna is a dollmaker herself, but don't think for a moment that she wouldn't find more beauty in your quickly strewn together rag dolls than her own professionally crafted ones. She finds beauty in the more simple things in life, and if you were ever to gift her a poppet, it would quickly become one of her most treasured possessions. She is even more amazed to learn of all your poppets can do! Manifestation and protection? Defense spells? She loves the idea of dolls being able to be much more than just pretty faces, she wants dolls of all kinds to be able to help and comfort people! She isn't a huge fan of the idea of hexing or cursing someone with a doll though. What she would love more than anything else, is if you would make a diversion poppet of her, so that any negative energies that might try to find her would only find her doll-self instead! She would be so grateful, and would probably gift you a doll as thanks.

She would absolutely adore if you two would ever get together and exchange techniques, poppets are different than the dolls she tends to make, but she appreciates the beauty of both the complicated and the simple things in life! She would love to teach you a few ways to make more detailed dolls, and she definitely wouldn't mind a few poppets mixed in with her dolls.

Lady Alcina DImitrescu:

Alcina would be fascinated. We have seen her basement, she is definitely a woman who appreciates knowledge, and would never pass up a chance to gain more. Alcina would very much appreciate it if you would explain how you make your poppets and what exactly they can be used for. To be perfectly frank, I wouldn't be surprised if Alcina already had a few old poppets of her own. I'm convinced that, at least for a while, she had an interest in, and most likely, dabbled in a bit of witchcraft herself. That wouldn't stop her from listening to you explain poppets to her, after all, you may have thought of something that she hadn't, although that's unlikely. She would feel honored if you were to make a protection poppet for her, and if she were allowed to keep it, you would find it displayed in her room.

10/10 would try to bribe you into hexing Heisenberg though.

Her daughters would beg you to make poppets for them too! Don't worry about adding a taglock to any of them though, they're main purpose is for when they are grounded from killing the servants and need an alternative.

Karl Heisenberg:

I get the feeling that Karl wouldn't be too interested at first. That doesn't mean he won't listen, he respects you, and therefore respects your interests, but I don't think he would be as invested as Donna or even Alcina. That is, until he remembers an old horror movie he had happened to get a hold of. It took him awhile to figure out how to get it to play, but once he did, and noticed the similarities between your dolls and these 'voo-dooh things,' as he called them, he became obsessed with the idea of you cursing Mother Miranda. It took a while to explain to him that there was a difference between your poppets and voodoo dolls, but even then, he had realized that these poppets of yours could be used to hurt Miranda, and he likely wouldn't let up on it, unless you make some kind of excuse about how there are limits to what the dolls can do or something like that.

Aside from troubling Miranda, he doesn't have a very strong opinion on poppets, though he does enjoy it when you hang out with him in his workshop, you each working on your each projects. Although he isn't super interested in poppets as a whole, he would love it if you gave him one. It's been such a long time since he has been shown genuine kindness, that it would nearly break him. If anything ere to happen to the poppet you gave him, his soldats would be aimed at a new target.

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littlegiantposts · 3 years

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movie night

pairing: todoroki x f!reader

warning: strong language probably. possible anime/manga spoilers! grammar mistakes :( I suck at writing

summary: It’s not that Y/n didn’t want friends, it’s just people always found her intimidating

a/n: this is completely self-indulgent lol sorry about that, so like yeah I’m gonna be saying y/n, but also i am deriving her personality, attitude, looks from a character that I’ve sort of made up in my head haha. also idk if this is like a headcanon, imagine, or like a scenaro....so sorry. And like, sort of a side note, I love making main characters that are like sorta op so y/n’s quirk and story is sorta insane, but you guys dont really have to worry about it too much because its not really in this so....yeah, i guess its just some context. I wrote this while listening to a playlist I made, titled, “ur a badass hero with class 1-a” on spotify so if ppl wanna hear it, I will post a link to it lol. OH and class 1-a are in their second year! That’s a lot, sorry! But, I hope you enjoy!

y/n’s quirk (if ur curious): controlling the 4 elements (aang from the last airbender vibe lmao); but she also got a companion named koda (think of Moro-no-kimi from Princess Mononoke for the look)

Y/n was never good at making friends. It’s not like she didn’t try, because she did. When she was a little kid, living on Catalina Island, she made a lot of attempts to make friends with fellow children in her pre-school and middle school. It just seemed that they wanted nothing to do with her, talking bad about her behind her back or acting as if she just didn’t exist.

It started to get exhausting for Y/n to keep trying and ending up always failing. So, when enrolling in the top hero school, UA, Y/n thought that maybe, just maybe, things would be different.

Nonetheless, it’s not like she had absolutely no one. She had Koda! Her best friend in the whole wide world, well her only friend, which was her pet wolf. However, Koda doesn’t like being called a “pet”, let’s stick with her companion. They are quite the inseparable duo.

Y/n looked down at Koda from her desk who was lulling herself to sleep on the floor as Present Mic was teaching an English lesson. Y/n wished she too can sleep at this moment, “It wouldn’t hurt if I just closed my eyes for just a couple minutes.” Y/n thought. Oh, she was wrong though.

“Alright! We are going take a short break since we need to get our new textbooks,” Present Mic’s voice rang through her ears with all his elongation and passion, “Y/n and Todoroki! What about you two go get the books from the library!” Y/n would have jolted at the mention of her face, but she was honestly too tired to do so.

She nodded her head, got up from her desk, and looked at Koda if he was going to follow her. Of course, he perked up at the mention of her name and was going with her. A small smile was now on Y/n’s lips. Y/n was glad that she knew she can depend on Koda, always in her corner.

As she pushed her chair away from her desk, getting up and walking towards the door, she didn’t realize that most of the class was either looking at her or the half and half boy, for he had to endure the trip with the enigma that is Y/n.

The class just doesn’t know Y/n that well. She was one of the new students this year, along with Shinso. However, they at least knew of Shinso from last year. Y/n was a brand-spanking new addition to the class. Not to mention, her introduction to the class was nothing short of intimidating.

Aizawa knew Y/n had a lot of strengths. In fact, he used her skills as a type of learning lesson for the class. Not to mention, he completely singled her out during the “lesson” as he instructed the class that Y/n will have a bell that is tied around her belt. All they had to do was get the bell. Y/n, being the competitive person she was, didn’t back down at this challenge. Safe to say, no one was able to get the bell that day.

Y/n sighed at the memory. “Maybe, if you had some chill, you would be able to get a friend, Y/n” a voice in her head said, causing Y/n’s shoulders to shrink and her hands to be stuffed into her pockets. (Yes, she has pockets with her uniform. Yes, she’s still wearing the school uniform skirt. She sowed pockets into them for this very habit.)

“Uh, hey wait up.” a deeper voice called, already identifying who it is.

Y/n turned to right, looking at Koda for a brief second. From far away, one would think he was just grimacing, but as Y/n was closer, she can see he was very close to full-on growling at the sound of his voice.

Koda doesn’t really like Todoroki and Y/n always found it funny. Koda found everyone else real entertaining. As much as Koda was a wolf, he really was a people’s person. If Y/n didn’t know any better, it seemed Koda had a better relationship with her classmates than she actually did.

Y/n adopted a tired smile as she reacted to Koda’s growling at Shoto. She then looked behind her, seeing Todoroki jog lightly towards her. Her small smile soon faded away.

“Even if you try again to be a friend, you know that people will always end up fearing you.” Y/n honestly wanted to bang her head against a wall because this annoying voice was truly the bane of her existence.

Y/n stopped in her tracks. Koda made eye-contact with her, almost telepathically asking her, “Why are you stopping for him?!”.

“I may be aloof, but I have to at least be polite.” Y/n told her wolf companion. Koda only let out a breathe of frustration as he also stopped as well.

Todoroki soon caught up to the duo and was on Y/n’s left side. And the three began their trek to the school library.

There was some silence.

For Todoroki, it was so awkward. “Why don’t you say something to her?” he asks himself, “Or are you going to let another opportunity slip?”

You see, Shoto Todoroki admired Y/n. She was incredibly skilled with her quirk. She was confident, but not arrogant. She was an innovator, while still accepting old principles. She was naturally smart, but always open to learning. To him, she was so balanced. He couldn’t help himself as the admiration started to soon feel like a crush on the dark haired girl.

For Y/n, she didn’t think anything of the silence. In fact, she was grateful for the silence. More silence, means less time for talking. Less chance of Y/n making a fool out of herself.

“You seem more tired than usual. Trained a lot yesterday, I presume?” And Todoroki broke the silence that Y/n was trying to insist.

“Yeah, trying out a new technique with my water.”

Y/n was surprised.

She really could have been more blunt with her answer.

Theoretically, all she really had to respond with was a “yeah”, but she decided to add that last part.

Why? Why did she feel inclined to go into more detail? Now, Y/n was confused.

“That’s cool.” Todoroki wanted to hit himself in the head. “That’s all you got to say? What a conversation this is” Shoto mentally sighs. He feels like his heart is going to burst at how fast its going.

“I’m actually trying to freeze it, but that turns out to be harder than expected,” Y/n almost slapped her hand on her mouth.

Why is she going into more detail? This doesn’t make sense. She’s been quite blunt lately when people try to talk to her, so what gives?

Is it Todoroki, himself? “Maybe he put a spell on me or something.” Y/n didn’t think the “icy-hot bastard” would dabble in witchcraft, but things were just not adding up in Y/n’s mind. All these thoughts woke Y/n right up, ridding herself of her tiredness.

As for Todoroki, his mind was going into overdrive. “She’s having trouble with freezing water? She must know that this is my specialty. Is this her way of spending time with me? Does this mean the feelings I have for her are mutual? Perhaps, we can train together and I can help her with freezing.” The mere thought of spending time with Y/n outside of class made his cheeks warm up.

He was an absolute love-struck fool for Y/n.

“Oh, we’re here.” Y/n stated the obvious as they stand in front of the school’s library, halting Shoto’s mental mumbling, which almost resembled one of Midoryia’s ever-present babbling.

Shoto Todoroki immediately shot his arm forward to open the door for Y/n, but Y/n was thinking the same thing and they reached for the same handle.

Their hands touch.

And Todoroki thinks he can die happy now. Y/n’s hand is so soft. Much to his dismay, Y/n immediately drew her hand back as if his hand was scalding hot water.

Y/n mumbled a quick “sorry” and places her hand on the other handle as there are two doors to the library, she opens it and immediately walks through it as Koda follows in tow. Koda dawns an absolute confused look as he didn’t know what the hell that interaction was about.

The actual task of getting the books aren’t that hard. In fact, it was an easy and quick task.

So, why is this causing Y/n’s mind and heart feeling like they are overheating.

As they walk back to the classroom with stacks of textbooks, Y/n thought, “Okay, there’s no way in hell that he will try to talk to me again, especially after that awkward incident. Now, let’s breakdown why the actual hell you acted that way, Y/n.” She mentally scolded herself like she was a child.

Todoroki, as always, had a different plan and decided to continue the conversation, “You know, if you need help with freezing water, I can always help you since that is part of my quirk.”

Y/n has officially short-circuited.

He is voluntarily asking? Voluntarily. Asking?

Asking if Y/n wanted to train together?

This has never happened before, and she doesn’t know how to respond. “I would like that. I typically train in the morning and sometimes after school” is what Y/n felt like saying. It is as if her mind and mouth were working against each other.

However, Y/n’s thoughts were cut short as she heard the chatter of some of her fellow classmates. They three of them were very close to their classroom as their door to the room was wide open.

“Hey guys, if we’re having a movie night tonight, do you think we should invite Y/n?”

It was Midoryia who asked the question. Y/n, Shoto, and Koda stopped dead in their tracks at the mention of her name. Shoto and Koda looked at Y/n with a worried expression. For her own good, she probably shouldn’t be listening, but she couldn’t help but be curious of her classmates’ plan in regards to her.

“It’s not that we don’t want her there. It’s just that, who is up for asking her?”

Silence. No one responded to the question.

Koda notices how Y/n’s grip on the textbooks tightened. Shoto noticed how your head was now titled downward, hiding your face.

“She’s just so intimidating. And not to mention that training exercise we did when we first met her. She’s sort of scary, to be honest.”

“Scary. You’re scary, Y/n. Terrifying.” She couldn’t help but repeat her classmates’ thought of her. She was just torturing herself at this point. No point in dwelling on first impressions, but as this is affecting her current relationship, or lack thereof, with her classmates, she couldn’t help it.

“Y/n-” Todoroki tries to interject before Y/n gets the wrong idea.

But, it’s too late.

“No, it’s fine. Thanks for the offer though, Todoroki.” Y/n’s words were slow. As much as her brain was going a million miles per hour, her mouth was evidently slower as her breathing was heavier.

She wanted to disappear, or at least get swallowed by the ground. She kept her head down as she strode into the classroom. Her classmates being oblivious to Y/n’s knowledge of what they truly think of her, paying no attention to her.

Shoto was basically frozen in place, next to the door, but he gained composure and walked in the class as well, a couple seconds after. Y/n quickly placed her books on the front desk where Present Mic sat behind of, she sat back in her seat that was in the back of the class.

Y/n watched how Shoto was still standing in front of the classroom as he was stopped by his classmates. Now, they were just chatting, probably talking about the upcoming movie night.

Y/n felt jealousy bubble up inside her. She wished she can chat like how Shoto was effortlessly talking away to his classmates. Or how Midoryia stopped him with such ease to talk about a social event.

Y/n yearned for some friendly interaction. That’s what she wanted when coming to UA.

She wanted to be normal. As normal as she could be. A normal teenager.

“Things don’t always go according to plan, huh?” Y/n pouted and placed her head on her desk and just waited patiently till the school day was over.

Koda worriedly looked at Y/n. “She’s going to want to train after this. And I bet she’s going to push herself harder because of today.” Koda knew Y/n very well. Knew her like the back of his hand, well, paw.

And, Koda was right. Y/n was in gym gamma, completely exhausted. Sweat covered her body as her muscles were screaming at her take a break. Her labored breathe continued as her body was trying its best to keep up.

Y/n was frustrated. “Why? Why am I like this?” she kept repeating like a mantra.

“I want to be normal. Why can’t I be like them?”

“Why?”

“You’re a monster. It’s actually quite simple.”

Y/n threw a punch with her fist encased in water, and it wasn’t until after that punch was thrown, she realized that there was now an evident hole in the thick, solid concrete wall.

Y/n fell to her knees. Koda hurriedly made his way to her, making sure she didn’t do anything too stupid. Once Koda was close, she was doing something unexpected.

She was crying.

Hot streams, cascading down her face. She started to hiccup, her breathing erratic. “A-am I scary to you, Koda?” her voice was so small.

Koda nudged his way in between her legs and nestled his head into her neck. Y/n, full on sobbing now, wraps her arms around Koda and her cries are muffled by his fur. Wailing and self-deprecating questions can be faintly heard from her if anyone were to enter the gym.

A couple minutes passed. Y/n’a breathing returned to a calm rhythm.

“Thanks, Koda. I needed that,” Y/n sniffles, “C’mon let’s go make dinner, I’ll whip you up something special for putting up with me today.” Koda’s tail immediately began to wag at the thought of Y/n’s cooking.

Y/n was an independent person. She likes doing things on her own as much as can. She doesn’t eat the food from the school cafeteria, instead, she opts for making her and Koda’s meals from the kitchen that is provided to them in their dormitory. And indeed, she made a delicious dinner for both of them.

Now, the hard part. Because of how long her training took, showering, and making dinner, Y/n knew that her classmates were in the common space already, probably preparing to have their movie night. And, she had to pass them. It was a short distance, short walk, Y/n was trying to reassure herself. Just walk straight towards to the elevator and you’re safe.

Y/n takes a deep breathe and walks out of the kitchen. The chatter of her classmates emerges to her ears, but as she walks towards the elevator, the chatter dies down.

“Oh no.” Y/n’s eyes widened in fear. “Way to go on ruining the mood, Y/n.”

Thankfully, the elevator was quick and the doors slide open, making an easy escape for Y/n and Koda. She let out a breathe she didn’t even realize she was holding in as the doors slid shut. Y/n looks at Koda, who was already looking at her, “It’s better this way, anyway” Y/n didn’t know if she was telling Koda that, or herself.

On the other side of the elevator’s doors, her classmates collectively let out a sigh, “Well that was another chance we wasted.” Kaminari was the first to break the awkward silence.

“Tch. Like any of you have the guts to actually ask her.” Bakugo chimed in.

“Oh please, Bakugo, I know she intimidates you, too.” Mina fired back.

“Whatever.”

“She heard you guys.” Todoroki suddenly talked. Everyone casted their attention to him, “Earlier today, I mean. She heard you guys when you were talking about inviting her to movie night.”

The once light-hearted atmosphere in the room was now tilted with guilt.

“She heard all that?” Midoryia incredulously asked, only imagining what you would be feeling because of their words.

“She must feel terrible.” Ochaco openly voiced her thoughts.

“She probably hates us.” Kirishima adds in.

“She means well, I promise. I think we just need to give her a chance.” Todoroki tries to reason with his classmates.

“First, we need to apologize.” Midoryia proposes as he looks among his classmates. His classmates collectively nod their heads in agreement

“You’re right. Well, good luck Midoryia.” Kaminari pats his back as encouragement. Everyone else either gives an encouraging smile or a thumbs up.

“Ha?! What?! You guys already decided that I’m going to be the one to apologize?” Izuku was flailing his arm around and was checking everyone else’s reaction.

“Well, yes. It’s your idea and you are one of the most apologetic people here.” Iida explained to an overthinking Midoryia.

After regaining composure, he realized that this was probably the best option, “Okay, I’ll, I’ll go now.”

Midoryia makes his way to Y/n’s dorm room. He was nervous. He only had very limited interactions with Y/n. So, he really didn’t know what to expect. Before he knew it, he was before your door.

On the other side, Y/n was chowing down on her food. She took a swig of her water, “So, how’s the food? I tried a new technique on roasting the veggies.” Y/n babbled on for a bit, but she realized that Koda’s plate was hardly touched. Her gaze landed on Koda who was sitting on her bed with a very obvious frown, staring at the door. Y/n immediately knew why.

“Hey, if you wanna go hangout with them, I can push the buttons on the elevator for you-”

Koda was irritated at how difficult Y/n was being, she can just ask them if she can join. It was simple. Koda used his mouth to latch on to Y/n’s sleeve and started to drag her to her dorm’s door.

“H-hey Koda! Not cool, man! You know, I can’t go down there.” Y/n tugs her sleeve away from Koda.

Koda turned to his last resort. He did his signature pout.

“Oh, please. You know that stopped working on me awhile ago. Besides, we can have our own movie night, right?” Y/n tried to reason, but her reasoning just felt sad.

Before Y/n could step away from her dorm’s door, she heard a knock. The two quickly tuned their heads at the door as if something miraculous just happened.

Y/n took one step toward the door.

“It’s Midoryia.” Koda began to wag his tail, “don’t get your hopes up too quickly.”

Y/n opened the door only a slit for her head to poke out, “Oh, hi Midoryia. Is something wrong?” she asks.

“U-um, no nothings wrong.” he responds as nerves start to take over and he doesn’t continue on.

“Okay.” With that, Y/n closed her door. Koda wanted to scratch his eyes out. This was her chance! For someone who was the top student in her class, she was so stupid. “He didn’t want anything. Sorry to disappoint, Koda-” another knock interrupted her.

She looked at the door, “It’s still Midoryia.” Koda rolled his eyes.

Y/n went to to open the door, again, only opening a bit, “Yes, Midoryia? You sure something isn’t wrong?”

“Uh, well I was wondering if we can talk for a bit.”

“Oh, yeah sure.” Y/n stepped out of her door, and shutting it.

However, Koda was right on her trail, but was shut out by the now closed door. He pouts at the door. And how holds his ear to the door, interested in the conversation that has yet to come.

“So, what’s up?” Y/n asked the green-haired boy.

“I, we, as a class, wanted to apologize for our words today.” Midoryia spoke in a remorseful and quiet tone.

Y/n was taken back. “So, they know that I heard what they were saying? Must have been Todoroki’s doing.”

“Look, it’s fine. I know I’m intimidating-“

“But it’s not fine. We shouldn’t have treated or talked about you that way.”

Y/n was stunned at his words. He took that as a sign to continue, “and we were hoping, if you’d be okay if we start over and become friends.”

Y/n remained cautious with her walls, “You know, friendship isn’t really a perquisite for this course.”

“Of course, I know that. We all do, but it doesn’t hurt to have them, right?”

Y/n felt like tearing up. She wanted to believe him. She wanted to put her trust in that last statement of his.

“I’ll be be down in 5 minutes,” Y/n stated rather blandly, but it didn’t matter to Midoryia.

“Great! See ya!” He waved and started to head back to the elevator, before he pressed the button, Y/n called him once more,

“Midoryia?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.” and nods his head. He couldn’t be more thrilled that this will all work out.

As for Y/n, she opened her door to her dorm, and closing it as she stepped inside.

As soon as she was in the comfort of her own room, she broke into her happy dance. Her fists clenched, eyes shut, shoulders scrunched, jumping in the air, squeals make their way pass her lips, with the biggest smile on her face

Koda felt a wave of relief of wash over him. He was glad that she was finally experiencing acceptance.

After the moment passes, Y/n sighs and looks at Koda, ruffling his fur on the top of his head.

“Well, shall we?” Y/n said in an extravagant manner as she opened her door and bowed.

Koda, playing along, held his head high and strutted out. Y/n let out a light-hearted laugh and they made their way down, together.

Once Y/n actually made it to the common room, all of her classmates were looking at her, stopping their conversations as well. The confidence that Y/n help was long gone, feeling now awkward yet again.

However, the silence didn’t last too long as the class enveloped her in boisterous apologies, hugs, and pats on the back.

To say Y/n was overwhelmed was understatement. She had never been around these many people, giving attention towards her. It was new territory she had yet to cross.

“Guys, you should probably let her breathe.”

That was Todoroki. Y/n pried her eyes away from Mina who was asking what conditioner she uses, and looked at Shoto. Y/n mouthed a “thank you” and he simply nodded.

The class went back to their seats, muttering apologies again for getting in her personal space.

Now, Y/n faced yet another problem:

Where is she going to sit?!

She kept standing where she stood for a good couple seconds, scanning the area for any good spots.

However, there was actually only one spot open. And, it just happen to be next to Todoroki.

Y/n mentally prepared herself and started her path towards him. Of course, Shoto knew this. He was the one who made sure he saved a seat right next to him just for this occasion.

But things don’t always go according to plan, right?

Rightly so, right before Y/n could take the unaccompanied seat, Denki was coming back from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn, plopping right down on the seat.

“Oh, hey Y/n! I’m glad you made it! You want some popcorn?”

“No, I’m good, thanks though.” Y/n was able to play it off as she chose to sit on the floor in front of the couch, which coincidentally was in front of the seat that Shoto resided.

Shoto was irritated. He wanted you to sit next to him. For crying out loud, that was the whole reason he had this seat open in the first place. All he does is sigh, catching Y/n’s attention.

Y/n turns back to Todoroki, sending a small smile his way, but then turning back to the screen as her fellow classmates were arguing on what to watch.

Y/n put her hand to her chest. This is weird. Why is her heart rate so high? She’s not usually like this. Maybe Todoroki did cast a spell on her.

Y/n couldn’t think about it too much as the movie began playing.

#bnha shoto #todoroki shoto #shoto todoroki x reader #midoriya izuku #mha x you #mha x reader #shoto todoroki x y/n #mha angst #bnha imagines

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thefoundationproject · 3 years

Note

Neyo/Bly/Aayla is not something I knew I needed but 😍😍Them trying to distract Neyo is adorable. Bly trying to tempt him over comms?! Him giving in for a little bit and then escaping half naked through a tiny bathroom window is hilarious. Preparing for sabotage! He was recon afterall. Wonder what his inner dialouge was like because we all know he's not actually that suave.

Also planet-wide Fullfall games sounds amazing!! The Forward companies being pros and the Shebse not being able to account for anything is wonderful.

Rexcara sneaking out. Waiting for the last possible second before they turn against eachother. Sharing hot chocolate! Warming eachother up. Cute!

JET!! My baby! Imagening the Winders stuffing fighters full of snow is hilarious. Where did they get it all?!?! Outsourcing?

Wolffe and Hardcase! Well Wolffe wanted him to get a clue and now you have to deal with being called boyfriend in the dopiest voice possible 1000 times a day. Also cutting out a new door is a Torrent plan through and through. Wolffe needs to watch out lest he be infected.

Also Cody being part of it all is wonderfull! Oya, Alor!

Amazing as always!! How do you do it?!?! Witchcraft I tell you!!

I’m just as shocked as you are anon, legit. I knew about Bly/Aayla, and Neyo/Bly but the three of them was never in the plan, and then some fiendish folks on the server (who def know who they are) started pelting me with All The Snippets and that’s how I got kidnapped onto this ship.

Neyo was deeeeefinitley narrating his smooth escape to himself in his head. Probably a lot like The Dashing Debonair Commander Comely’s dialogue come to think of it, and maybe he’s been watching way too much of Vaughn’s cartoon if he’s got the Narrator Voice in his head. (Why did he have a spare starter circuit? Where the heck was it? Who even knows, he’s a professional sneak and somehow everyone missed that he was def totally aware of The Plan.)

It’s a solemn Vode tradition: as soon as it gets snowy, haul everyone outside and attempt to hand out the drubbing to all comers. It’s a very Vode kind of holiday tradition.

Both of them sneaksy sneaking along the path all Spy vs Spy like thinking they’re being so very clever, only to run into each other at the train station. They’re obnoxiously cute and I adore them, but that wasn’t the most brightest plan.

Jet was given free reign to take a shot at Wolffe and boy howdy did he take it. He said ‘I’ll get Wolffe involved this year’ and then he went and was like ‘no kill like overkill’. Because Jet is just as chaos as everyone else. I love him.

That’s just what Wolffe’s gonna have to deal with now. Hardcase has a very specific tone in which he says boyfriend, all wondery and grinny and eyelash-bat-y. It’s syrupy saccharine and half the time Hardcase can’t even say it without giggling halfway through. The things Wolffe put’s up with...

Don’t worry about the door. Sure, Hardcase is cutting it but Wolffe’s supervising. Nothing can go wrong. Definitely.

Cody thought he would maybe dabble and then escape. Bacara delivered a healthy dose of change-his-mind. So this year, Cody is all in.

Thank youuuuuuu 💜

#Anonymous

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chasingsolstice · 4 years

Text

On Magick:

As more people begin to dabble, delve and explore more and more into the world of witchcraft and magick, there seems to be more and more people asking for help, or looking for easy answers.

Let me be clear as mud: magick is both Personal and Universal. It is everywhere and a part of everything. Magick is Energy, vibrations, intentions and beliefs. In short, while you can be helped and guided by others, in the end your results are based on You.

Science and Magick, while I believe they're of the same nature, obviously do not always align perfectly. I think Science is mainly focused on the physical, and Magick is what is beyond/other/more than physical - though I hope to live to see more connections and discoveries linking the 2 as we learn more about quantum physics, but I digress. In short, what I'm saying is that you shouldn't expect magic to work like science in that you can do an experiment the same way 50 times and expect the same result. Lots of things are involved in magickal workings, and not all of them are things that can be perfectly replicated at the drop of a hat.

You may choose to work with spirits or deities, or not. You may choose to follow a religion, or not. You may choose to use tools and ingredients, or not. You may choose to complete rituals and set up altars, or not. You may choose to work alone, or with others, or not. The presence or absence of these or other things shouldn't make or break anything you try to do, unless you deem it so in your mind - consciously or subconsciously. The most important things for you to do as a beginner are:

Meditation practices: grounding, centering, breath work, visualization, chakra balancing, yoga, etc. Try a bunch of techniques as you dip your toes in, because everyone is different, and you gotta try a lot of flavors before you find your favorite. If you don't do this, you're going to have a hard time.

Journaling: observing your moods, routines, and personal happenings, as well as records of nature in your area, and anything else you deem important. This step is for you to begin self-reflection, shadow work, research and note taking. Do it.

Research: not just on Tumblr, tiktok, or reddit (though tumblr and reddit don't entirely suck), look for Books, blogs, articles, and read them. You can find lots of books as free pdf's online if you Google search the title plus free .pdf. also, thoroughly Investigate your sources. Anyone who claims to know it all is a liar. Don't let anyone swindle you, or ensnare you in a cult of personality. Keep your wits about you and your eyes wide open. Make your trust valuable and not easily earned by strangers on the internet making claims too good to be true.

The way I see it, magick is a means to achieving the life you want to live. Magick is a means to taking control of your personal development, and actively steering yourself towards what you want, be it internal or external. The additional use of the things I mentioned above (tools, rituals, deities, etc.) may or may not help your process, but in the end it's up to you. If you're going to buy in to using extras beyond yourself in your practice, you have to really really buy in!!! Actually sit with your ingredients, tools, or intentions or whatever, and pour that Energy into them!

If for example you're using lavender for peace and rest, hold that lavender in your hands, and focus on peace and rest. Feel the energy of your intentions in your mind and body, and imagine that energy flowing between you and your herb. Likewise if you charge anything with the sun or moon or whatever, you should still take a moment to sit with your items, feel them, and let them know what you want in specific terms. Also, be grateful to everything you work with!

If you don't physically or energetically feel any sensations as you do this, not to worry, this is a skill that can be developed. In the meantime, trust your mind and intentions to do as you will, even if you're not feeling anything yet. That trust (some may call it Faith) is important in the success of your work. If you don't believe that you will be successful, then you're screwing yourself 2 fold, because 1. Lacking faith in yourself puts out the energy of failure, and sets a bad precedent, and 2. If you think you'll fail at something, you're setting up your subconscious to screw things up just to prove yourself right - this applies to everything, not just magick. So again, I must emphasize this, believe in yourself, and you will find success.

Edits: spelling

#magic #magick #witch #witchcraft #mine #witchblr #baby witch #beginner witch #novice witch #energy work #energywork #meditation #journaling #research #opinion #reference

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thiswasinevitableid · 3 years

Note

sea monster indruck nsfw? maybe including one of them masturbating while fantasizing about the other one and confessing all their dirty thoughts as they're actually having sex? scary protective monster is also always hot if you're down for that

Here you go! I wasn’t able to fit in everything, but this one was fun!

This is all the hangman's fault.

Indrid could be pleasantly dead right now, not trapped in a gibbet on a clifftop, if the man had bothered to check his ropes ahead of time. But no, instead he failed to see the rats had been gnawing on them and the blasted noose snapped clean off the instant it took Indrids weight. To the villagers, this was a sign that Indrid was indeed a witch (and the son of a demon, a rare charge that drags his poor, deceased mother into this mess). To Indrid, it meant a new set of bruises and the worst possible death.

They locked him in the gibbet, the Atlantic crashing in angry, grey waves far below them. The man on his right is dead, eyeballs already plucked out by an enterprising bird, and the man on his left is getting there. If his visions are accurate, Indrid has a good five days of suffering the elements, the wild-life, and his own hunger and thirst before he joins them.

A lifetime of visions breeds resignation in the face of fate, so he closes his eyes, follows the futures of luckier men as a temporary escape. The screams of his neighbor rouse him with a start. Their source is wholly unexpected.

Looming at the edge of the cliff is an immense monster. From his vantage point, Indrid spies the creatures’ lower body still submerged in the sea, making it well over a hundred feet tall. It’s skin is green, it’s fingers webbed, and it’s crowned by a frill of wave-shaped spikes. The face is humanoid, with green eyes and hair of black water and a squid-beak where a mouth should be. Strange tentacles appear and disappear along its torso, as if they have not made up their mind as to whether they wish to exist.

The monster sighs, “Fuckin hate it when they leave their dead like this. Unsightly, and I ain’t sure it’s good for the seagulls to be eatin humans.”

“The dead and, ah, almost dead do not enjoy it much either.”

Upon hearing Indrids voice, the creature peers into his cage, “Huh, guess you ain’t dead. Either of you.” He turns his eyes on the other condemned man, who starts screaming again, “why’d they stick you here?”

“Witchcraft, specifically foresight and dabbling in ‘black magic.’ Well, that and a failed hanging” He tilts his head to show the visitor the rope mark.

“Damn, that looks like it hurts. Wonder if I can..” the tip of an immense claw extends towards him. There’s a crackle of power that makes his ears pop, and the monster pulls his hand back, “nope, fuck, was hopin it’d be a small enough thing to do.”

“I beg your pardon?”

The monster sighs, “Long story short, my kind ain’t able to interact in an, uh, altruistic fashion with humans unless they’re acolytes. Can’t even open that damn cage without gettin zapped. Never mind that some of us don’t even wanna be old gods or whatever the fuck, still ain’t allowed to help. Maybe if I get a real big stick..”

“How does one become an acolyte?” Indrid presses his face to the front of the cage.

“Uh, you gotta swear loyalty and servitude to me, specifically, and the ‘old gods’ in general, live in a place I set up for you, and do stuff when I need you to.”

“Very well, are there specific words of the oath or…”

“Whoah, hold up now” the creature raises his hands, “this shit is real bindin’, rather you not rush into it.”

“Given the alternative is death, a rush is rather necessary.”

“All I’m sayin is you might wanna think for more than two seconds before you agree! And there might be other ways for me to get you out.”

“Do..do you not want an acolyte?” Being rejected by a sea monster feels like a fitting end to his life.

“Not really. It ain’t personal or anythin; I’m just now leanin into the whole god thing and I still ain’t all that comfortable with parts if it. Last thing I want is an acolyte who saw me as ‘not as bad as death.”

“And the last thing I want is to die of exposure, so we are at an impasse.”

The monster clicks his beak once, “Okay, here’s what I’ll do. You take until sunset to think over whether you wanna be stuck servin’ this” he gestures to himself, “for a long-ass time, and we’ll go from there.”

“Very well.” Indrid resigns himself to several more hours of misery as the creature sinks from view. He glances at the other prisoner, “what do you think? He seems very considerate for a sea monster and I for one would like to keep living.”

The man stares, babbles incoherently for a moment before shouting, “You, you conversed with a devil! You are a witch, just as they say!”

“He spoke to both of us.” Indrid blinks, puzzled.

“I closed my ears to his lies, you offered yourself to his wickedness! Speak no more to me from your black tongue.”

“Hmmph” Indrid does his best to ignore the ongoing beration. He’s not sure the creature is a god, but then again the creature seems uncertain on the matter himself. Serving a maybe-god seems no worse than serving the king, a life among the depths no less tolerable than his small home in a town torn to pieces by accusations of witchcraft.

After a time, the storm clouds fulfill their purpose, a downpour battering him from all angles. Then a shadow falls over his shut eyes, and no more rain touches him.

“Seemed awful rude to leave you stuck in the rain while you thought things over.” The god explains, one massive hand shielding the human.

“Many thanks. Ah, I do have one concern about being your acolyte. Would...would I have to hurt anyone?”

“Don’t think so. I ain’t fond of hurtin folks, and if someone did need to be hurt, seems real strange to make the tiny human do it.”

Indrid puts on his most hopeful, charming smile, “I am very cold, very hungry, and my whole being feels as though it’s been stomped on by a team of horses. Perhaps I could give my answer early?”

A chuckle, like bubbles in deep water, “Hard to say no to that face. Okay, you got a deal. I checked with Joe while I was gone, to make sure I knew the right thing to do if you said yes. I’m gonna say the oath, and you’re gonna repeat it.”

Indrid nods, makes his way laboriously through the incantation in a gurgling language he does not know. The god patiently guides him along, cracks open the cage when the last word is spoken.

“Do I get to know your name? If it was one of those words, it will take me some time to master it.”

The monsters’ cheeks rise, suggesting a smile, “You can call me Duck. It’s a nickname. C’mon” he holds out his hand, “let’s get you outta the rain.”

“One moment.” Indrid moves to the other gibbet, undoing the lock, “you can get free if you wish. If anyone asks how, tell them it was the witch.” With that, he settles in Duck’s cupped palms, the skin smooth and cool to the touch.

“Down we go.” Duck sinks.

“Wait, how will I bre-” water fills his mouth, but only for a moment. A clear bubble forms around him, let’s him gulp in air as Duck dives further into the sea. More jarring than the spell is the sight of the monster unfurling behind him. He assumed Duck had legs, but instead his lower body is that of a sea-serpent, green with bronze rings and undulating in the dark waves.

“Like what you see?”

“Yes” he wonders what touching that tail is like.

“Yeah, this is a real beautiful part of the sea. If you want, some time I can take you further out; some spectacular lookin creatures out there. Here we go, home sweet home.” They surface at the base of a much shorter cliff, Indrid woozy from the change in depth. Three cottages--one red, one gold, and one blue-- stare back at them from a grassy hill.

“Let’s see if I can do this” Duck sets Indrid on the ground, closes his eyes, and hums. The world shudders and splits, and then a fourth, emerald green cottage sits alongside the others.

“Ha! Pretty damn good for a first effort.” His frill flickers with silver light.

“It’s wonderful.”

“All yours. You get yourself settled, I'm gonna go find out from the others what else needs doin’ now that I got an acolyte.” He lowers himself so the two of them are roughly face to face, “see you soon, Indrid.”

--------------------------------------

The cottage holds more possessions than Indrid’s ever had in his life, including a large feather bed that he stretches his aching body across before falling asleep and dreaming of seaweed twining up his legs.

Voices from the window rouse him some hours later. At the side of the red cottage sit three other humans, two of whom are at work in a vegetable garden. Indrid ventures down to introduce himself.

“Hi!” One, a woman with golden hair, waves to him, “you must be Indrid. I’m Dani, this is Barclay” she points to the bearded man harvesting potatoes, then to a tattooed man polishing a pile of gold and silver jewelry, “and that’s Boyd.”

“Pleased to make your acquaintance. You are all acolytes as well?” His stomach rumbles and Barclay pauses his digging to slide him a basket containing bread and cheese.

“Help yourself, those are leftover from lunch. And yeah, we are. Or were, in Dani’s case.”

Even with foresight, Indrid is surprised when the woman says jokingly, “Got promoted to ‘wife’ a few months.”

“Congratulations.” It seems the appropriate thing to say, given her smile, “ah, what exactly do you all do for your gods? Duck is rather unclear on the details.”

“Some of it is spellwork. Beings like Duck have some innate power, but they can get more of it from an acolyte doing rituals or making offerings. Joseph, that’s my monster, Duck, and a few others aren’t sold on the idea that they’re meant to destroy humans, so they spend a lot of time keeping other monsters from doing just that. Our spellwork gives them an edge. Other than that, it really depends on who you’re working for; I spent a lot of my first month helping Joseph understand that hauling himself up onto a random dock to ask questions is not the best way to learn about humans. Boyd spends a lot of time maintaining Ned’s treasure.”

“Only because he bloody tricked me into workin for him. Just bidin my time until the deal runs out. You hear that Chicane!” Boyd yells towards the water, “don’t care how much you steal, I’ll get my share and run one of these days.”

To Indrid’s ear, the sea laughs in reply. Boyd grumbles and returns to his work.

“He’s just annoyed because he and Ned thought they could outwit each other; Boyd was on a prison ship bound for Jamaica and Ned offered him an out. Apparently they spent hours haggling over the terms.” Dani leans closer, whispers, “Boyds left twice, comes back every time saying he’s bored without someone to challenge him.”

They talk a while longer, Dani promising to bring Indrid some hens and a goat from town, Boyd giving him some firewood, and Barclay explaining the network of sea caves in the surrounding hills. When there’s a knock at the door, he opens it expecting another human and jumps when this is not the case.

“Evenin’” Duck smiles as he slithers into the house, “brought you a few more things.”

“You got smaller.”

“Can change my size some, though this is about as small as I can get.” He’s still two heads taller than Indrid, who notes that the ceilings are just high enough to accommodate him, as if the god built the cottage with visits in mind.

Duck sets a bucket of fresh oysters in the kitchen along with a large slab of butter, some milk, and some sugar, “Had one of my human friends bring me these. And, uh, I made you this” he holds up a cloak in the same colors as his tail. It fits Indrid snugly, shutting out the chilly air and making him feel rather grand indeed.

“C’mere” Duck pats a kitchen chair, “lemme take care of your neck.”

Indrid sits, shudders when webbing and claws rub sticky balm into his skin. The gods hands easily encircle his neck, a realization that stirs heat deep in his stomach. Duck talks as he works, a meandering story about a shipwreck, and Indrid finds he enjoys his manner of speech. The initial discomfort of the touches subside, the balm washing the pain in his neck away like a wave erasing a message in the sand. Cool hands wrapped around his throat turn as comforting as the fire crackling in the stove.

“That looks like it healed. Good” Duck’s beak fondly nips his ear, “gotta make sure my servant is in good condition.”

“Mmmm” Indrid bumps his chest with his head, hoping for more; tomorrow he’ll ask the others if it’s commonplace for an acolyte to lounge in the coils of their gods lap like a housecat.

The beak touches his ear once more, biting it lightly with little kissing sounds.

“Huh'' two tentacles catch Indrid as he tips sideways, his body deciding that the earlier nap was not enough rest, “didn’t think you’d find that soothin. Did it by accident, it’s how my kind show affection.”

“S’very nice” Indrid mumbles, dimly aware of being carried.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Y’know, in case I need to reward you for somethin.” Duck lays him in bed, pulls a thick blanket over him, and bids him goodnight. Indrid is sound asleep before the door closes.

------------------------------------

“Ngahka miskato--ah! Give that back” Indrid wrenches his spectacles free from hold of a far too inquisitive octopus. The creature squirts him with water, then disappears back into its pool.

Each of the gods has a sea cave in which their acolytes perform their rituals. Since the processes involves ancient, dark magic, all manner of strange sea life makes its way to the caves. Some, like the octopus or the seals that bob in the distance or flop on the rocks to nap, are known to him. Others might be classified as indescribable horrors from the deep, though Indrid thinks they look like crustaceans with a few too many limbs or the offspring of an eel and devil fish.

His oath to Duck allows him to read the spells, and his pronunciation is improving. Duck’s requests center on defense; letting himself take greater damage from an enemy, be better able to protect his friends, that sort of thing. Indrid even found a ritual that gives the god new cloaking abilities, which he’s used to make the cottages disappear on the hillside and thus keep curious townsfolk away. He also found one that allows Duck to remain out of water for well over a day.

The Duck who visits him in the cave and the one who stops by his home may be radically different sizes, but his disposition is constant. He talks about the kelp forests and the animals, about his annoyance with his supposed destiny as “destroyer of all man.” He conjures fine clothes from seaweed, furniture from driftwood, and brings Indrid newly made grins embedded with fresh pearls.

“Aren’t I supposed to be the one serving you?” Indrid will tease.

“Way I see it, we serve each other. Don’t care what that fuckin oath said.”

Indrid is feeding his hens one evening when his luck catches up with him; his human friends are all standing at the edge of Dani’s house, peering anxiously around it’s corner and down the hill. Joining them, he sees a crowd marching with torches and an assortment of lethal farm equipment.

“What the fuck are they doing? You were just in town today and everything was fine” Barclay glances at Dani, who shrugs, worried.

“My visions tell me that as they get closer we will hear them yelling about witches and that I will recognize many of them. I suspect my fellow gibbet-occupant told them about Duck.” He sighs, “I’ll try to lead them on a chase, get them away from all of you.”

Indrid runs into the evening before the others, or his own common sense, can stop him. Keeping to the cliffside, he lets them glimpse his hair and his red glasses, both used at the trial as proof of his wicked nature. His plan is to take a secret tunnel down into the caves, but his visions alert him a moment too late to the fact there are two, not one, groups of villagers. He’s outflanked on the cliff, holds up his hands to show he means no harm.

“I understand my continued existence alarms and confuses you, but that is no reason to go running about with weapons. Would you kindly leave me alone?”

“No, witch, we will not.” The head of the party shouts over the wind.

“I have a name, you know.” He grumbles, looking behind him and wondering if his status as an acolyte grants him immunity from death by falling in the water.

“You have already confessed to your black work, and we have on good authority you have made a pact with the devil. There is nowhere to run, and if you come quietly I promise we will hang you properly this time.”

“And if I do not?”

“We shall see to it that your body is scattered about this cliffside before the night is out.” The mob moves forward and Indrid stumbles back, the earth giving out beneath his feet.

He lands with a yelp in a smooth, large hand. As Duck rises more fully from the waves, the crowd freezes, struck dumb with fear.

“Y’all ain’t gonna touch him, y’hear? Indrid’s under my protection and in case it ain’t obvious, I could smoosh the whole damn bunch of you without breakin a sweat. So, what you’re gonna do is turn around and go back to your village, and I’ll forget this ever happened. If you come after him again, I’m gonna start taking out ships in your harbor. We clear?”

The panicked flight of the mod downhill suggests he’s made his point.

Duck carries Indrid home, joining him in the cottage once he can fit through the door. The monster follows him upstairs, pulling him into his arms.

“Thought I was gonna lose you.”

“That makes two of us.”

Duck nuzzles the top of his head, “You mind if I stay here tonight? Little worried some of them might get it into their heads to come back and hurt you.”

No futures show this, but Indrid nods all the same. Duck curls up near the bed, not leaving until the morning sun shines through the window. He does the same the next night, and the night after that, and soon it’s been two weeks of the god talking softly with Indrid as the human falls asleep.

When Indrid shyly asks if Duck will join him, his monster lays as comfortably as he can on the right side of the bed. Indrid is now used to waking up with a tail looped around his leg or a tentacle clinging to his arm.

------------------------------------

Indrid is just drifting off when the covers slide aside and weight slithers up the bed. He opens his eyes; Duck is on his side, facing him, annoyed.

“What troubles you, my dark excellency?” Indrid nudges Ducks’ lower belly with his toes. He’s taken to calling Duck increasingly absurd things, and the monster calls him “faithful servant” or “esteemed attendant” in reply.

Tonight, Duck just sighs, “Y’know how I was supposed to do somethin important tonight, bein’ that it’s the second full moon in the month? Turns out that somethin was, ‘spread my seed among the beds of men’ so our kind will gradually overrun the surface.” He clicks his beak with a snort, “don’t that sound fun?”

“No.”

“Smart little thing, ain’t you?” Duck teases, cups Indrid’s chin, “Yeah, I said no. Problem is, apparently a second full moon makes my whole body wanna fuck, which is why that prophecy was supposed to happen tonight.”

Indrid looks down, sees something rippling under the skin at the upper part of Duck’s tail.

“I’m gonna try sleepin it off.”

His visions give him courage; Duck turns him down in most futures, but none of them end in death or bodily harm, which at his point in his life is all he asks.

“Or you could, ah, allow me to help you.”

Green eyes blink, slow and calculating, “‘Drid, that ain’t part of your job.”

“No…” Indrid scoots across the sheets, tentatively runs his fingers up Duck’s side, “but that is not why I’m offering.”

“No?” The rest of his tail joins them on the bed, curving so it traps Indrid against him, “Then why are you offerin, sweet human of mine?”

“Because I, ah, I want, that is I would very much like to know you in that way, and I thought it was allowed based on the others, I apologize if it’s not, I did not mean to-” He freezes as Duck cups his face, nipping his ear and throat with a kissing noise.

“‘Drid?”

“Y-yes, my lord of the depths?” He’s breathless, drowning in Duck’s gaze.

“Stop apologizin and take off your clothes.”

Indrid flails until nothing is between him and his monster.

“Thats better” Duck’s voice deepens, washing over him like rough waves, “now, come serve your god.” He pats what Indrid thinks of as his waist, the point where his human qualities disappear entirely.

“As you wish” Indrid tries for a coquettish smile as he straddles him, but it gives way to surprise as the slit in Ducks skin parts.

“I was not expecting tentacles. Which, given the rest of you, was naive.”

“Not usin that future vision of yours to see what’s comin’?” The webbing of Duck’s fingers is like velvet as it caresses Indrid’s chest.

“It is difficult to focus on such things when you are here. You command my attention. You always have.”

Duck flicks his tongue across Indrid’s lower lip, “Now that kind of devotion I could get used to.”

“It is yours whenever you want it.”

A tentacle emerges from his side, petting Indrid’s face, “My Indrid. You been so good for me, so faithful and true. Letting me babble about seaweed and when my claws through that pretty hair. And you just keep gettin better.”

“Please” Indrid rests his head against Duck’s chest, hugging him as best as his size will allow, “please teach me how to serve you this way too.”

“I can do that. You don’t gotta lift a finger.” Several of the tendrils that comprise his cock twine together to form a single appendage. The tentacle on his face gains a twin and the pair slide down to his ass, parting it.

Indrid’s thighs are uncooperative, struggle to get and keep him in the right position to sink down. He curses, reaches down to adjust only for a thicker tentacles to bind both wrists and yank them up above his head.

“Uh uh, I said no finger-liftin and I meant it.”

Indrid moans, his cock filling as he discovers there’s no way to free himself. He expects Duck to guide him into place with his hands. The end of his tail encircles Indrid’s hips while his claws trace arcane shapes on his skin.

“I, I did not know it was quite so dextrousOH, oh god.” The tip of that strange cock pushes in, pulsing little by little to stretch him open without pain.

“Right here.” Duck nibbles his hair with that same kissing sound, “I got you. Take such good care of my faithful human.”

“Oh god” Indrid can’t come up with anything else to express the sensation of Duck sinking deeper into his body, of how safe he feels stretched out and stretched open in the monsters hold. He tips his head back with a cry as Duck bottoms out and his cock moves fluid and disjointed all at once. It’s pulsing, thrusting him full on each inward push, yet it’s individual tendrils curve and curl within him independent of the whole.

“More, oh god, please, please never ever ever stop.”

A fond chuckle, “That good huh? Maybe that prophecy was wrong. Maybe what I’m supposed to do is fuck you full and then drop you in town so you can spread the word of how good my dick is. Be my consort and prophet all in one. Get everyone clamorin for the chance for me to fuck them.”

“No” Indrid squirms, petulant, “you’re my master. Not theirs.”

A louder laugh this time, “You gonna take the amount of fuckin I was supposed to do to a whole town yourself?” A tendril curls around Indrid’s aching cock.

“Yes” He wails, rolls his hips “you may have me as often as you please, I want you too, I’ll, I’ll be your faithful servant always.”

“You’re already somethin better; you’re my ‘Drid.” Duck twists the tendril and Indrid’s lost, his orgasm knocking breath from his chest and tears from his eyes as white spatters the green of Duck’s abdomen.

“That’s it darlin, lookit you bein so good, cummin for your master. Think it’s time for you to make good on your promise to take whatever I give you.” The tail lifts Indrid up and down as Duck cums, the monster not so much as pausing before thrusting his hips harder, “fuuuck that’s good, my perfect servant, my ‘Drid, takin me so well.”

Indrid sobs as another burst of cum enters him and a strange feeling fills his chest; he’s buzzing with blindingly bright power. It’s coming from Duck, he knows this, and in the haze of his submissive state he understands the depth of his divinity.

“Duck” he whimpers as more tentacles twist around his limbs, the god losing himself in his pursuit of pleasure, filling Indrid until his belly twinges and his eyes fight to remain open. When the god groans out the humans name a final time, Indrid is so enveloped by him he wonders if they’ll ever fully disentangle.

The monster carries him to the washroom, Indrid still squirming on his cock, and gently pulls him free to set him in the tub. A flick of his hand fills it with warm seawater.

“You okay?”

“I doubt I will be able to walk tomorrow.” Indrid smiles to show he relishes this fact.

“Guess I’ll be spendin tomorrow waitin on you.” Duck joins him in the tub, coiling protectively around him as he washes his chest and thighs.

“I thought I was the servant here?” Indrid cuddles closer, kissing Duck on the tip of his beak.

“Nah. Far as I’m concerned, we take care of each other.”

#indrid cold/duck newton #Indruck #monster march #reader requests #monster boyfriend #the author says "fuck HP Lovecraft

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raeynbowboi · 4 years

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Bob’s Burgers 10th Anniversary Retrospective

After ten years, Bob, Linda, and the Kids are just as delightfully wacky and endearing as they ever were, and show no signs of slowing down. So I wanted to put together an ultra mega review of the series. I’ll give an opinion on main and recurring characters, as with a cast this big, there’s been a lot of endearing characters to grace the show over the years. However, I will only be counting characters that have appeared more than once. After ten years, there’s been some real gems, and some real misfires. So, I’ll be counting down my top 10 best episodes, and the bottom 10 worst episodes. I’ll also go through as a Highlight Reel, by picking a best and worst episode of each season, as well as crowning the Best Season with the most good episodes.

Bob Belcher

Honestly, Bob was a very easy character to mess up. He’s the straight man to his wacky family’s antics. But the show does a really great job making Bob simple and lowkey without making him boring or a stick in the mud. He may be resistant to weird things, but he puts up with it anyway to make his family happy. While he’s the serious straight man, they don’t fail to give Bob his own eccentricities and quirks that make him relatable and funny in his own way. Whether he’s making things talk, getting weirdly excited about Thanksgiving, or his awkward way of speaking, Bob is genuinely a good and relatable character. It’s also nice to see that Bob is a great husband and a loving father. He and Linda argue from time to time, but they’re not trapped in a loveless marriage for the kid’s sake like most shows. And even shows where that’s not a selling point like American Dad, Bob shows more remorse for things like forgetting their anniversary than Stan does for Francine. Bob is supportive, loving, and forgiving. Which is just amazing to watch. The times when his kids really need him, he’s there for them, and he helps them through their problems. While Bob might fight with and get mad with or annoyed by his family, Bob never treats them like people he’s stuck with. Frankly, Bob blows most animated TV dads out of the water. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Stan or Francine give quiet supportive talks to Steve or Hayley ever in American Dad. Peter used to at least try to be a decent father, but now is a negligent toddler. Likewise, Homer used to be a great father who cared about his kids, but later seasons have really stepped away from the family angle the Simpsons used to have. In a sea of adult animated families that are toxic and destructive, Bob’s genuine love for his family came as a breath of fresh air.

Linda Belcher

Linda is by far the best Adult Animation TV mom there is. For one thing, she’s funnier than Francine, Lois, and Marge combined. But more importantly, she’s not the butt of the joke when it happens. I can only really remember laughing at Francine when they make dumb blonde jokes with her, but Linda’s jokes come from her character. She could have easily been the gender inverted Homer or Peter, but the writers are careful to make her gullible, trusting, and goofy without making her a moron. When the kids do something wrong, Linda busts out the tough mom act and you genuinely believe that the kids are in trouble. She’s not faking it. She’s not off in her own little world. She’s a bit of a goofy dreamer, but she’s able to be the tough disciplinarian when she needs to be. Her relationship with Bob is also better than most adult animation wives. She’s more independent than the other housewives, and even though her job is working with her husband, it never feels like it robs Linda of her own power, autonomy, and freedom. But the best thing about Linda is that I think most people can agree, she has an extremely strong and charming personality that endears us to her.

Tina Belcher

I really wish I could say I liked Tina more. She’s a creative romantic, just like me. I should love her. But her monotone deliveries and awkwardness isn’t as endearing as Bob’s. I like her better in episodes like Teen-A Witch and Broadcast Wagstaff School News where she has a bit stronger of a personality. But unfortunately, Tina is my least favorite member of the Belcher family, which isn’t to say that I hate her, she just doesn’t shine as bright as the rest of her family. She’s just not very funny or interesting on her own. But on the plus side, at least I don’t find Tina to be annoying or terrible except in the rare bad episode.

Gene Belcher

Gene is the only member of the family that can regularly get my dad to laugh, and with good reason. If he wasn’t such a well of nonsequitor punchlines, Gene would probably be the worst member of the family, but boy howdy do those random jokes pick up the slack. Gene is genuinely hilarious, even if I’d only rank him above Tina in terms of favoritism. However, I find that most Gene-centric episodes to be lackluster or below average. I think Gene’s best episode is probably Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien, but of the best episodes, none really come to mind that specifically star Gene. Gene is really better suited for a supporting role, and his times as the star showcase why comic reliefs aren’t the main character. They’re support characters for a reason. That’s not to say Gene-centric episodes are terrible. They just tend to range from about average to bad. Though Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien is a pretty good one.

Louise Belcher

Bob and Linda saved the best for last because Louise is the breakout star of the show. Funny, interesting, and the focus of many of the better episodes, Louise stands proudly on the first place podium with Linda in 2nd and Bob taking 3rd place. I think Louise’s strengths are especially due to her standoffish and naughty personality, which has lent itself to a lot of good character growth episodes. Season 10 Louise seems a lot more mature than Season 1 Louise. I think Louise works because while she does often have clever or sneaky solutions to problems, they don’t forget that she’s 9, so unlike Stewie, her age does present hurdles and barriers to her schemes and plans.

The Best and Worst of Bob’s Burgers

#10 WORST: Pro-Tiki/Con-Tiki (S6e15)

Why couldn’t Warren Fitzgerald just put that $100,000 into advertisements or to help Bob buy better equipment for his restaurant? My biggest issue with this episode isn’t the episode itself, it’s that the ending makes no sense. Warren wants to help Bob because he has a form of riches Warren lacks, and Bob doesn’t want a corporate sponsor to make changes to his brand. But why can’t Warren just give Bob the money to make choices he wants to make? They could stay as business partners, but Bob doesn’t have to sacrifice his personal vision for the restaurant. It’s just really frustrating when they’re both being too stupid and stubborn to see the obvious solution in front of their faces.

#10 BEST: Teen-a Witch (S7e03)

One of Tina’s best episodes, as someone who had a goth phase myself and dabbled a tiny amount in ‘witchcraft’, this episode brings back memories of high school and the desire to make the world what I wanted it to be. But on top of that, Tina with a backbone is when she really shines as a character, mostly because it means her humor isn’t being derived from her being awkward.

#9 WORST: Live and Let Fly (S9e05)

Mr. Frond embarrasses the kids, and they team up with Up-Skirt Kurt to get revenge against his sister and Mr. Frond. I’m not a fan of Kurt, so I already don’t care much about his feud with his sister, but I also just find the episode kind of boring. I don’t care about Kurt, I don’t care about his feud, and the kids call off their revenge, so that ends up not mattering either. Even Bob and Linda’s side plot is only middle-of-the-road quality for Bob’s Burgers.

#9 BEST: Wharf Horse/World Wharf II (S4e21-22)

The very first two-part episode Bob’s Burgers ever had, the season 4 finale is a great watching experience. It has some fun songs, funny character exchanges, suspenseful drama, and some heartfelt moments. It feels like a short movie, and that’s a good thing for a two-part episode to do. Even Fanny and Felix are interesting villains. But even after everything Felix did, I don’t find myself loathing him in later episodes, and that’s a hard thing to accomplish.

#8 WORST: Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks (S3e07)

This is the only bad Tina episode where the problem isn’t Tina herself. My biggest issue with this episode is more just the subject matter. Bob lies for insurance reasons about who was driving his car, and the entire episode is just Bob and Tina digging a deeper and deeper hole for themselves. The solution to the issue is clever enough to redeem the episode somewhat, but the majority of the watching experience is just kind of an awkward dance of watching these two getting tangled up in a web of lies.

#8 BEST: The Taking of Funtime One Two Three (S9e02)

Bar none, this is the single best ‘Heist’ episode of Bob’s Burgers, and it’s kind of crazy that Bob’s Burgers has actually built a repertoire to where I can make a list of ‘heist’ episodes as an archetype. This one feels the most like an actual heist movie, and the ending is legitimately clever and unexpected. But even more than that, if you’re paying attention, you can see the twist before the characters even reveal it. That is the kind of tight writing that makes the list for best episodes.

#7 WORST: A Fish Called Tina (S10e12)

Tina spends an episode trying way too hard to make someone like her, to the point that she almost humiliates a 4th grader in public just so she can live out some fantasy. It’s really uncomfortable and sickening to watch Tina do this. This will be a recurring issue with Tina’s low-point episodes. There’s nothing fun about watching a character make a complete idiot out of themselves by coming on too strong. It even makes me groan when Kaylie shows up in another Season 10 episode because I don’t want to have to think about this awful episode.

#7 BEST: Stand By Gene (S6e12)

Something about this episode really just brings back memories of my childhood. Memories of walking through the outdoors, just exploring and wanting to find things. The characters are funny, and Bob and Linda’s relationship is put to the test. Plus, I loved that for the entire episode, you don’t know how it’ll end. It really makes this a personal favorite and one of the episodes I knew had to make it on my list.

#6 WORST: The Grand Mama-Pest Hotel (S7e13)

Linda ruins things for Tina by being an overbearing annoyance. Are you noticing a trend with Bob’s Burgers’ worst episodes? I don’t like it when good characters make complete jackasses out of themselves in the name of ‘humor’. It’s not funny. It’s annoying and makes me dislike them. Thankfully, the worst of it is only in the latter half of the 2nd act and the entire third act, but Linda’s behavior just makes me cringe and ask why they had to do Linda dirty like this? It just puts me even more squarely on the side that Tina is entirely in the right and I don’t want to deal with Lind either.

#6 BEST: Broadcast Wagstaff School News (S3e12)

From Tina at her lowest point to Tina at her best, Broadcast Wagstaff School News is my favorite episode of the first 5 seasons. Tina’s funny and engaging, Gene is absolutely shining as Little Bob, and while Louise and Linda play supporting roles in this episode, they’re still funny as well. Plus, the mystery is a good one, and this episode is even referenced in later seasons.

#5 WORST: Mazel-Tina (S4e13)

Tina ruins Tammy’s birthday and steals her party. This is Tina at rock bottom. Tina is so despicable, cruel, and selfish in this episode that it reminds me that behind that creative awkward girl is a selfish brat who doesn’t care if she hurts other people if she can live out her fantasies. If other episodes didn’t rescue Tina from being so unlikable, I probably would hate Tina as a character entirely for her behavior in this episode.

#5 BEST: The Silence of the Louise (S8e02)

Movie parodies are some of the best, and The Silence of the Louise is the queen of all the movie parodies. When Mr. Frond’s therapy dolls are mutilated, and the school staff calls off the waterpark trip until the culprit is caught, Louise teams up with psycho Millie to figure out whodunnit. This is also one of the first time Millie wasn’t strictly an antagonist, and she genuinely felt like someone who could be Louise’s friend someday.

#4 WORST: Boywatch (S8e16)

Tina ruins things for other people by coming on too strong. The only reason this is ranked higher than Mozel-Tina is because in that episode, she just wanted to be at the party, and just kind of ended up as the star of the party and let it go to her head, whereas here, she is actively ruining things for other people in pursuit of her own delusions and fantasies. Tina has no desire to be a junior lifeguard, but cute boys causes her to behave like a troublemaker. She’s entirely out of character, and her teammates’ hate for her behavior is something I agree with. I don’t want to hate the main characters, so why does this show keep pushing to make Tina a nuisance who ruins experiences for other people?

#4 BEST: The Quirkducers (S7e06)

If the Silence of the Louise is the queen of film parodies, then The Quirkducers is the king. Not only is it a clever parody of The Producers, but it also has some damn good musical numbers, especially the edited end credit version. But it’s Tina’s song at the end that stands as one of my favorites of all Bob’s Burgers’ songs.

#3 WORST: Bed & Breakfast (S1e07)

If a Fish Called Tina is bad, then Bed & Breakfast is flaming garbage. Linda turns their apartment into a Bed and Breakfast, and Linda goes berserk when the guests don’t play into her expectations. This episode verges from below average to detestable as Linda goes insane and locks people in their rooms, and Louise drives a grown man to attack workers by preying on his fear.

#3 BEST: The Hauntening (S6e03)

This is hands-down the best Halloween episode that Bob’s Burgers ever made. This show turns out some amazing holiday episodes, and this is one of the best the Belchers have to offer. I won’t dare give away anything about this episode. If you’ve seen it, you know why it’s top of the heap, and if you haven’t, then all I can say is what are you waiting for? Delayed gratification has to pay off eventually.

#2 WORST: Every Which Way But Goose (S9e14)

Tina falls in love with a goose. Who smoked crack before writing this episode, and who huffed enough paint thinner to approve this episode for production? This is the absolute dumbest concept for an episode I have ever come across. Who thought this was a good idea? I can’t even pinpoint the flaws because this entire episode is just so flawed. At least Mazel-Tina and Boywatch enrage me. This just baffles me.

#2 BEST: A Few Gurt Men (S7e11)

When Mr. Ambrose accuses Mr. Frond of stealing his yogurt from the faculty lounge, the case is brought before student court, and Louise is tasked with acting as Defense Council for Mr. Frond. One thing Bob’s Burgers does well is mysteries, and this is a good one as Louise has to figure out a way to prove Frond’s innocence. This is just an absolute personal favorite. Every character is just on point, and I get excited when the episode starts to que up.

#1 WORST: Moody Foodie (S2e07)

Did you ever want to watch the Belchers commit a felony? Then boy howdy do I have an episode for you! A picky food critic responsible for shutting down restaurants comes to Bob’s Burgers. Bob messes up the order, and a visit to the critic’s house to get him to try his burger again leads to a hostage situation with the critic tied to a chair and gagged in his own home. Words cannot describe the depth to which I hate this episode. The entire episode feels dirty and vile. I feel the need to scrub my skin raw after sitting through this episode. The instant I realize that it’s come on, I skip the the next one. I have literally only sat through this episode once. This episode disgusts me. This episode has the main character, abduct somebody in their own home. Then they take a second hostage when a mailman delivers the guy’s package. Luckily, Bob’s Burgers has a lot of good episodes to make up for this one bad egg, but this episode enrages me to the point that if the family wasn’t so charming and endearing most of the time, I might have stopped watching based just on this one episode.

#1 BEST: The Bleakening: Part 1 & 2 (S8e06-07)

The first time I saw these episodes, they played back to back without any credits in between them, and I thought it was one episode, and I didn’t even realize it was the length of two episodes. Between the amazing songs, the brain bending twists, the creative creature, the dark elements that contrast the bright lights of the holidays, and the uplifting ending, this pair of episodes stands paramount as the single greatest viewing experience that Bob’s Burgers has to offer.

Favorite Friend of the Kids: Regular-Sized Rudy

First appearing in Carpe Museum, Rudy came back in The Kids Rob a Train, where he has remained a friend of the kids since. Rudy was the first to join the kids if you don’t count Andy and Ollie who seem to dip in and back out as to whether they’re included in the friend group. Rudy was thus the first to be made a main member of the kids’ friend group.

Favorite Schoolyard Seven: Jocelyn

The Schoolyard Seven is the friend group of the three Belchers, Jimmy Jr., Zeke, Tammy, and Jocelyn. Not counting the Belchers, it was a close call between Zeke and Jocelyn. Tammy and Jimmy Jr. tend to be typecast as serving one niche thing, but Zeke and Jocelyn are often the comedic gold. However, while Zeke is more interesting of the two, I just enjoy Jocelyn too much to not give her the win. Even if Jocelyn’s humor is just a walking dumb blonde trope, like Gene, Jocelyn has a knack for funny one-liners. If the groups has another name, I’m not privy to it.

Favorite Friend of the Family: Micky

Though he’s less connected to the family now, Micky has been a friend to the Belchers since Bob Day Afternoon, and returning in Bob Fires the Kids. Since his introduction, Micky has gotten a job at Wonder Wharf, where he has remained since.

Favorite Recurring Villain: Logan Bush

First appearing in Ears-y Rider, Logan has been a fun and interesting frenemy for Louise to match wits with. In a show where most other villains are the same age as the main characters (Millie, Tammy, Chloe, Jimmy Pesto, Hugo) Logan stands out as a legitimate bully. Yet, even he was willing to work with Louise in Mother-Daughter Laser Razor, showing that there is wiggle room for the two of them to even join forces and spread havoc together.

Favorite Tina Love Interest: Duncan

Earnest if not a little awkward, Duncan seems like a sweet boy for Tina to possibly end up with. Sasha Whiteman is another character I could easily see being a good boyfriend to Tina because his quick wit and social graces make him a great foil to Tina, and he excels where Tina falls short. Zeke has a good chance to be a good boyfriend, but Tina still spits his name when she greets him, so I doubt she’d take interest in him unless something happens to change their dynamic. I liked Josh, but now that he’s said he doesn’t like her anymore and she agreed that she feels the same, I doubt we’re going to see them date further in the future.

Favorite Side Character: Nat Kinkle the Limo Driver

First appearing in Season 8 episode 8 V for Valentine-detta, I must not be the only fan of Nat’s because she made two appearances in the 10th season, in episode 1 The Ring (But Not Scary) and episode 17 Just the Trip. Currently with only 3 appearances, she’s still only a side character, but I get the feeling that like with Rudy, Courtney, Darrel and Alex before her, Nat will keep becoming a more frequent character. She just has a great vibe, and her charisma is intoxicating. She meshes great with the family, making her an absolute delight to watch.

Favorite Bit Character: Marshmallow

Although she’s appeared in multiple episodes since her introduction in Sheesh, Cab Bob, Marshmallow has never gotten much more than a couple lines, with her biggest role being in The Bleakening where she had more to say. She was also the first major LGBT+ recurring character on the show, which also made her a joy to see, whenever she returned to Bob’s Burgers.

Favorite Headcanon: Gene is Genderfluid

Gene’s jokes have been centered on his gender or sexuality since the first season finale. A joke once in a while is one thing, but ten years of the same sorts of jokes tells the sharp viewer that there’s more to it than just a running gag. With how many jokes have Gene talk about having boobs, synching his cycle, or calling himself Tina and Louise’s sister or Bob and Linda’s daughter, it’s my opinion that Gene is genderfluid, or possibly even transgender. The only reason I say genderfluid over a transgirl is because he still also addresses himself as a boy or a man as much as he does girl jokes.

Best Song: Twinkly Lights (Ms. XXX-Mas)

Not only does Toddrick Hall absolutely kill this performance, but I also love the meaning of the song about POC inclusivity and pride in the LGBT+ community. As the final song in The Bleakening, it’s one hell of a closing number, and I can’t help but dance in my seat whenever it plays. I’ve even listened to it independent from watching the show, and honor I don’t bestow on every song.

Best Episode Archetypes:

The Best Heist: The Taking of Funtime One Two Three

The Belcher kids have stolen a number of things. Chocolate, a bounce house, but the absolute creme de la creme of their heists is the procuring of the Dunebuggy from Family Funtime. When Family Funtime unplugs the macchines whenver the kids get too many tickets from them, the kids decide to pull off the heist of a century to make off with the biggest prize of the arcade: the dune buggy.

The Kids Tell An Anthology: Moms, Lies, and Videotapes

From the Gayle Tales to The Handyman Can, the kids have told a number of anthology stories, but the most impressive of the bunch is their stories of the mother’s day plays into three interesting stories. Though true to form, Gene’s is the weakest of the three, as his usually are. I don’t recall any time when his anthology was the best of the kids’, but then, Gene is not the most creative of the three children. His best story is probably in The Frond Files where his story’s world is colorful and fun to observe.

Best Musical Episode: The Bleakening

Not only do these episodes have a lot of musical numbers, but there is not a single one that doesn’t hit a home run. But more importantly, the entire episode is a musical, with each number helping to tie and bridge together the narrative, which is the entire purpose of musical numbers in a proper musical, which makes this the single best musical episode mainly because it’s the only episode that’s a true blue musical.

Best Holiday Episode: The Hauntening

With The Bleakening already taking the top spot for musical episodes, that leaves the Miss Congeniality of the holiday episodes to take the crown. I didn’t spoil anything about this episode above, and I won’t say a thing about it now. This episode is solid gold.

Best Film Parody: The Quirkducers

Not only is this episode clever in the way it uses its source material, but the family all have moments to shine despite the stars being Louise and Gene. The show also makes good use of the Schoolhouse Seven (the main group of the Belcher Kids, Jimmy and Zeke, and Tammy and Jocelyn), and each of them brings something great to the episode. It undoubtedly earned its place in the top 10, and will likely hold its place for years to come.

#bobs burgers #Bob's Burgers #belchers #the belchers #bob belcher #Linda Belcher #gene belcher #tina belcher #louise belcher #seymores bay

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upthewitchypunx · 4 years

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A Dabbler’s week of DIY Witchery

All us witches are steamed about the nonsense article where the person tried to become a witch in a week and concluded that we were anti-vax science deniers. We can all be annoyed at the article, but @asksecularwitch had a better idea to suggest what we would have someone do to explore witchcraft for a week or to dabble in witchcraft. There’s no shame in dabbling! How are you ever going to know if you like something if you don’t dabble?

So, here’s mine. I preface it with saying that I am an agnostic secular witch and I call my practice DIY Witchery. So, here’s how to explore that if it’s a think you might like doing.

Day 1: Clean your fucking room!

I’m not going to say what day of the week you should start. My weekend is Wednesday/Thursday so start whenever you want. You know what, you don’t even have to do this one day after another day if something comes up, just the idea that you intend to do all of it is a good start.

What you need: Tea light, safety pin, a match or lighter, a notebook, a pen, and a lot of work.

The first day of any project is almost always the most exciting one and the one that you are more inclined to put effort into. So, we are going to go big!

Clean your room! I mean it. Wash and put away your clothes, change your sheets, sweep or vacuum your floor, wash your windows, dust, change that burnt out lightbulb, take all the dishes out of your room, take your trash out and I mean the trash literally and figuratively. While you are cleaning your room think about what you want to gain from a week of exploring witchcraft. What are your interests in witchcraft? Do you want to do spells? Do you want to feel more safe? Are you interested in self-care? Do you like plants/cooking/animals and think there is something more you can do with these interests in an esoteric or occult way? Do you just want to see what all this new age woo fuss is about? All of these are valid reasons so keep them in mind when we go on to the next step and also keep your mind open because all of these things could change and that’s okay too. Then, take a bath or shower and get all that cleaning grime off you. There’s a reason “shower thoughts” hit us the way they do. Our body is relaxed and processing things differently so keep thinking about those thoughts you’ve had all day and what you are going to do with them.

Do you have an altar? I’ll bet you do! It doesn’t have to be all candles, cauldrons, and goblets and shit. It could be a flat surface where you have trinket boxes you received as gifts or an area where you have photos of friends and loved ones, or maybe a desk with your computer which is like a link to the world. We all create these spaces because they are pleasing and they remind us of who we are. Sometimes these get cluttered with empty ice cream tubs, keys, receipts, random paper but that’s why you cleaned your room so you can keep this space clear for the week. For this week, we’ll call this space “your space”

It may have been a long day and you are probably tired but you are almost done. Look around your room and admire your work. Seriously, a deep clean is so much work but so fulfilling when it is done. Get yourself a snack (or order some food if your budget allows) and get something to drink and find a cozy place to sit with your notebook.

Okay, get your snack and your drink and get that tealight candle and with a safety pin or a knife or something and carve something into the candle like “witchcraft” or “witch week” or “let’s dabble”, basically something that states that this is something you want work on. Place that in your space and light it while you write in your notebook. Think about all that stuff you were thinking about while you were cleaning. What interests you in witchcraft? If there are any aspects of witchcraft that interest you, write that down. State that you are starting this DIY project in earnest and are actually interested in taking it on. Part of taking up this project is too look at the world in a new way. The world is full of tools that might be useful if you learned to look at them in a different way. This week if you feel the urge to pick up weird objects off the ground to be used later or things that catch you eye like an acorn cap, bottle cap, or a literal fork you find it the road, or even if you see an object you can afford to buy that you think might be useful, do it. These collected things will be used for a divination project at the end of the week. Collect them and place them in your space throughout the week and document where you find them. Keep in mind your commitment to this DIY project all week when you are making choices. Remember if you decide to change your goals that’s cool.

Day 2 - Energy, Grounding & Centering

Yesterday was a lot of work so today we are going to do a quick exercise called Gounding and Centering. A simple exercise that a lot of witchcraft books I started on always mentioned that seems to be out of fashion or just skipped these days. I find it is a good trick to keep in my pocket for when I’m am upset of scared or anxious and not just for casting spells or whatever.

The general idea is to feel energy moving or to at least visualize it or maybe understand it in a strange intellectual way. It’s good to keep you in the moment, for me at least. First, let’s talk about the body and energy and how weird it is that we are alive and how our body has all these electrical impulses shooting through our nerves and telling my fingers to type this right now, ya? Being alive is pretty neat. What does a process that happens without thought feel like? Put your hands/palms together less than an inch apart without touching and think about the feeling. is it warm? Is it prickly? Does it feel like magnets repelling each other? Move your hands back and forth with the same short distance between them. Do you feel anything? It’s okay if you don’t, just try it. Write down your thoughts in your notebook.

This is what is called a visualization and sometimes people aren’t really into it or are unable to do it and that’s okay but at least give it a try The traditional grounding and centering is to sit comfortably on the floor, in a chair, or on your bed in your beautifully clean room. Sit comfortably, relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw, and notice your breathing, count to whatever numbers in and out that makes sense to you, I like 3s but maybe 5s or 7s are more you jam?

Traditionally your are supposed to visualize yourself as a tree with a tap root from the base of your spine going deep into the earth and drawing energy up and into your body as you focus on your breathing. This would be a way to draw energy for spell work but we aren’t going to do that so just send that energy right back where it came from. I actually like to physically touch my hands to the ground to shed excess energy. Maybe that visualization doesn’t work for you. It’s not really my thing. I imagine a specific location that is a watershed and all the water that falls for many square miles heads to the river, trickles through rocks to a specific place. I gather that and hold what I need and let what I don’t need pass though like the spillway of a damn. It’s more of a receptacle kind of thing for me. Maybe you like the idea of fire filling a room with warmth or the air down a canyon or some sort of science thing like water cycles, heat transference, or osmosis. Write down your thoughts about this experiement, try it a few times in one way and maybe a few times throughout this week.

Day 3- Perception and Animism

What you need: a bus pass and the ability to go outside, and your notebook

Part of this whole witch exercise is look at the world differently so go outside, talk to a tree, watch patterns in nature including humans doing human things like riding the bus or grocery shopping. Don’t wear headphones. Interact with strangers that approach you. Pretend they are NPCs in a video game. Take your notebook with you. Write down any thoughts that come to you about the things you see or feel. Write something on a piece of paper you want to get rid of like a bad date, a habit you would like to quit, an intrusive thought, and throw it away in the garbage in a public place and don’t look back. That’s a small kind of spell. If you see some change on the ground pick it up. If you see anything of interest fallen on the ground and you feel comfortable picking it up take in home and put it in your space for later, do it. Maybe go to a thrift store and see if anything catches your eye. Does your space need a tealight candle holder? I like to say I go to thrift stores to see if anything ones to come home with me.

Animism is the idea that everything (plants, animals, houses, cars, pencils, etc) has a soul, maybe you don’t believe in souls, I’m a bit iffy on the topic myself. But I do believe things and places have unique essences that make them what they are. I like to call myself a “soft-animist”. Things are created with purpose like a spoon. How do you interact with the spoon doing a spoon thing? Why does a certain smell lift your spirit? Why do you even have a favorite color? This day what about interacting with the essences of things. Things move us without our thinking about it, how do you move things? How do you interact with the world? Write about it in your notebook.

Day 4 - Correspondences and Critical Thinking

What you need: the internet, critical thinking skills, and your notebook

This one might take some time and I kind of apologize but you do have a clean room and the internet so you don’t have to go find some shitty new age book in the bookstore. A lot of witchcraft and spellcraft is based on the use of correspondences for spell ingredients. You will see a lot of these lists that are like “rose quarts is for love” and “rosemary is for everything” or “the color blue is for tranquility and green is for prosperity but also fertility” You will just see lists of these things with no explanation and you are just supposed to memorize them I guess? If you get really detailed some will mention what astrological sign or planet they are associated with even the classical elements of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. These elements show up in modern witchcraft a lot, they aren’t really my thing, but worth exploring even as a metaphor if you have the time. You’ll also see correspondences for days of the week and hours of the day or season of the year. These ingredients get put in jars, or sachets, or burned in spells. A Correspondence list is just stuff that is associated with a desired outcome of a of spell.

Some of these are based in astrological concepts or the movement of planets as observed through western mystery traditions. Some concepts of correspondences are filtered through folk magic and the idea that like attracts like, this is called Sympathetic magic. It’s like what you did if you wrote a bad date on paper and tossed it in the trash the other day. See, you did a spell! There is also the Doctrine of Signatures stating that plants that look like things like a plant that looks like a heart is good for your heart or a plant that grows aggressively is good for making a spell to make something move faster.

This is why there are endless lists of correspondences. You can go look up some endless lists of correspondences to see what I mean. Does this sort of historical context mean anything to you? Does timing mean anything to you? What if you made your own correspondences? What would that look like? What if you hate the color orange because it was your ex-husband’s favorite color? Then chuck it out of the rainbow mix! Plants and other things are often gendered, why?

Pick 3 herbs in your spice cabinet or a plant you found outside and look up the magical correspondence for it. Does it make sense to you? If not, what do you think would better represent a desired outcome? What colors, plants, flowers, sounds make you happy or sad, write that down.

Day 5 - Sigils

What you need: Pen and paper

I love sigils but the idea of what they are and how they work has been changing lately. I’m kind of old school with sigils. The idea is that you have a statement of something you want to achieve, but you write it in the present. Maybe you have decided you want to be a witch so you write “I AM A WITCH” now, drop the vowels, “M W T C H” now take those letters and turn them into a symbol, overlap the letters, make it look pleasing to you. There! You have a sigil. I like to keep these around for a few days until you forget what it was supposed to be. The idea is that you take in the idea of the symbol and it becomes part of you, then you burn it and the sigil is gone but still resides in you. There’s are lots of ways for sigils to operate these day it seems, some are charged through self pleasuring before being destroyed, some act like a sticker that you place on something and it stays there and is not destroyed, I just like to hang out with them subtly reminding myself of whatever the reason I crafted it. I highly suggest reading this article on Run Soup about sigils and images in general and how they affect humans.

Day 6 - Knot Spell

What you need: a length of swing or rope

This is a fairly simple folk charm. There’s a lot you can do with fiber art and magic but we’ll start here. Get a length of string, or dental floss or an old shoelace, whatever can be tied 9 times. If you wanna feel witchy, light the candle in your space in your clean room. Think of something you would like to manifest like waking up on time to get to work early or remembering to water your houseplants, do that grounding and centering thing from day 2, then tie the length of thread in order as outlined in this image while saying each line of the spell. Now you would let go of that energy and eat some food. Leave the knotted string in your space. Write down your thoughts on the experience.

Day 7 - Divination

What you need: A book, some way to listen to music digital and all the stuff you picked up off the ground

When people think of divination they think of tarot cards or reading tea leaves but there’s lots of different kinds of divination and there’s no reason to fork over money for a tarot deck when it just might not be your thing. I don’t know how it works or why it works but I’m more inclined to say that our brain is paying attention to everything and we fixate on symbols and archetypes because they remind of what our unconscious has been sorting out while we’ve been sleeping.

I’m going to suggest three forms of divination: Biliomancy, Shufflemancy, and Cleromancy. Pick one or pick all three if you feel like it. If you guessed bibliomancy was about books, you would be correct! Originally it was to use the bible but any big book will do, especially if the books means something to you. I have this lovely edition of Lord of the Rings that’s fantastic for this. Close your eyes, you can do the grounding and centering thing if you would like, think of a question, open the book to a random page, point your finger and read the line. Did you get some sort of answer?

Shufflemancy would be putting your music on shuffle and asking a questions for and for the next track to give you some insight.

Cleromancy is divination through small objects. It often has to do with tossing the objects and observing where they land in relation to each other but we are just going to simplify it. Remember all that stuff you picked up off the street? You didn’t do it? That’s okay. Get a small bag or maybe a stock or something and gather some small object, the ones you found or some other objects that will fit in the bag. Ask a question, toss the bag around a bit and let one object fall out. What does that object mean to you? Was it something you found? Where did you find it and under what circumstances? Was it a gift from a friend or something that has special meaning? Write it down in your notebook.

And thus concludes your week of dabbling in DIY Witchery. Maybe you hated it, but at least you have a clean room.

#diy witchery #secular witchcraft #a week of witchcraft dabbling #dabbling in witchcraft #witchcraft #witchcraft*#witchblr

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naralanis · 3 years

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hey nara! first off, I absolutely adore your blog and your writing, Perhaps is on my comfort fics list that I pull out whenever I’m having a bad time. I also happen to be a fan of your pen instagram and I was wondering if you had any suggestions on some fountain pens for beginners? I recently bought a “Pilot MR Retro Pop” that I really enjoy but I think I’m ready to branch off a bit. Do you have any tips with practicing with fountain pens you’d be willing to share? As much as I try, my handwriting never looks as nice as I want it to with mine. No pressure to respond if not, just wanted to stop by and let you know how much I enjoy your content! Hope you have a pleasant rest of your day/night!

Oh goodness, you’re talking about fic AND fountain pens in the same ask? Stop, stop, I’m already married!

First off, thanks for reading; I’m so glad Perhaps is there for you when ya need it, it makes me really happy to hear. Seriously warms my heart!

As far as fountain pens go... ANON I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO TALK ABOUT I AM SO SORRY THIS WILL BE SUCH A LONG RIDE so I’m going to put it under the cut sorry sorry sorry in this essay I will

Hooray for the Pilot MR (or Metro, here in the US), it’s an AMAZING little pen, and if you’re calling it the MR, chances are you got it with an international standard converter, you lucky, lucky duck. I’m happy you’re enjoying it, as far as beginner pens go, this one is an excellent choice.

When you say “branching out”, this can mean one of two things. It can mean you want to branch out to other brands but a similar price range, or that you’re ready for a ‘next level’ pen. I’ll try to cover both! (I’ll link some of these models to the Goulet Pens website, but feel free to look for them elsewhere--I just really like Goulet’s very thorough descriptions)

If you’re looking to explore other pen models in the MR’s price range, there’s a metric ton of options! Sticking with Pilot, you can try the Explorer-- a completely different, more streamlined pen than the MR, but if you’re used to the nib on your pen, you have a better idea of what to expect with it. There’s also the Kakuno, which is cheaper, but very cute with its little smiley face nibs haha

Another Japanese pen you can try: the Platinum Plaisir. Aluminum body, but do remember that Platinum nibs generally give a little more feedback than Pilot’s, which are some of the smoothest Japanese-made nibs I’ve ever seen.

You can also try the Diplomat Magnum -- it’s a a great little pen, and I love mine. Keep in mind, it is very lightweight, especially compared to the MR’s metal body, but to me that makes it great for long writing sessions. The nib is completely different--it will write a little wider, a little wetter than the MR (and any other Japanese-made pen), but it’s slightly springy and awesome to write with. Plus, it has an ink window so you can keep track of your ink!

Other options in this price range: the Jinhao 8802 (Shell or Rosewood, and the most bang for your buck imo as far as cheap fountain pens go), the Jinhao x750 or x450 (these are heavier, but they look great!), the TWISBI GO (a teeny, amazing little pen with a spring-loaded piston filling mechanism), and a Kaweco Sport (another pocket-pen, German-made, so the nib will write a little wetter/wider generally) or the Perkeo.

Now, if you’d like to push your price range a little further (only a little! I promise not to break the bank!), you cannot go wrong with Lamy.I am a self-admitted Lamy fangirl, so I may be a little biased, buuuut... it is what it is, their pens are great, they’re easy to disassemble for cleaning (I go totally nuts over it and even disassemble the converters, which you absolutely don’t need to do), and their nibs are SO EASILY INTERCHANGEABLE!

You can pick up a Lamy Safari for fairly cheap nowadays (and ever cheaper look-alikes, which I will never endorse but also will not judge anyone for buying), and they come in so many colours (the O.G. 1980 colours were also just reissued!), they’re like my Pokemon because I want to catch ‘em all.

For a little more, you can get yourself a Lamy AL-Star--the same design of the Safari, but this time in aluminum, which makes it look super cool (but also prone to scratches if you’re the kind of person that puts your pen in your pocket with your keys... that’s... definitely not me...), so keep that in mind.

You can also pick yourself up a Lamy Logo, for a couple more bucks. A completely different design, but still great, particularly if you like slimmer pens.

The nibs on ALL the Lamy models (even the more expensive ones like the Studio or the Scala or even the Dialog) are interchangeable! Even the gold nib on the Dialog! The only exception is the Lamy 2000 (which is probably one of the best pens out there period, and certainly an amazing first-gold-nib pen).

The one thing that absolutely kills me about the cheaper Lamy pens is that, for the most part, none of them come with a converter--you have to buy it separately. Which is fine, it’s not super expensive, and it is widely available, but COME ON, LAMY, JUST GIMME.

If you’d like to try a cool-looking pen with a CRAZY ink capacity and a nifty piston-filling mechanism, look no further than the TWISBI ECO. I have one of these (green, obv), and I love it. Never tires me out, and I stg mine never. dries. out. I don’t know what witchcraft is involved, but it’s an amazing pen for long writing sessions.

Finally, if you’d like to try another Japanese-made pen that is a little more expensive than the Pilot MR or the Platinum Plaisir, there’s the Sailor Compass 1911. This is one of the cheapest Sailor pens I know of, and a good introduction to the brand. Keep in mind that, like Platinum, Sailor nibs will give more feedback than the Pilot you’re used to!

If you would like to push your budget even further, here are some options for fountain pens under $100 (I know, big jump, but it’s good to see what’s out there to you can compare!) from JetPens.

There are a million other brands out there that you can look at. Sheaffer makes great, very cheap and fun beginner pens (including a whole Star Wars Line! They’re adorable!). Hong Dian has a ton of pens that look sleek as hell (like the Forest Series) and they’re all like under 20 bucks. Kaco is another one that makes surprisingly good pens! Parker is also an option, with the Jotter, which is a classic-looking pen. There’s Conklin and Monteverde (which have a ton of fountain pens in a wide range of prices, but I’ve had bad luck with their nibs, so I would suggest you do some independent research on those!), as well as Noodler’s if you’d like to go crazy with some flex nibs! The fountain pen rabbit hole is bottomless. Welcome :D

As far as handwriting goes, I’m afraid I don’t have much more to say besides practice, practice, practice. I learned cursive as a child, but never got into calligraphy, really. Even today, I only just dabble, but whenever I see something I like, I usually just like to try and replicate it. Very often I’ll see a video on Instagram and go Oh my god, how the hell did they write that G, I’ve got to try that and then what follows is me going through page after page on a Rhodia pad trying to imitate them. I like janinescribbles and aidanbernal on Instagram, they’re like handwriting goals--check them out!

A lot of the time, we’re looking for more line variation to make our handwriting look prettier--that’s usually what you see in that fancy, old-timey Spencerian cursive, or even copperplate calligraphy. Unfortunately, you won’t get that with just a regular fountain pen, but there is good news!

There are a TON of different nibs out there. Stub nibs, fude nibs, flex nibs, obliques, cursive italic -- you can even get your pen ground by a professional nibmeister to fit your specifications. There are calligraphy pens (like the Lamy Joy) or pen sets (Kaweco has a Perkeo Calligraphy set, and I believe Sailor has one of their own as well). You can even check out the Pilot Parallel set -- the whole thing is like the price of a Lamy AL-Star, you just won’t do regular writing with it; it’s pretty specifically a calligraphy/lettering set. There are even flex pens in the market (though none of them are as flexy as those old, vintage gold nibs) like the Noodler’s Nib Creaper, Ahab, and Triple Tail or the Conklins with their Omniflex nib (which has been problematic in the past, but I’ve heard good things recently). It’s a whole other rabbit hole!

But honestly, don’t sweat the handwriting too much. Just write a few lines every day, try new things, and get lost for eternity on some Instagram tags!

I think this is a long enough post as it is, so I’ll stop there! SORRY. HOPE IT HELPS!

#ask naralanis and maybe she will deign to respond #anon #fountain pens #fountain pen network #fountain pen geeks #fic writing #cissamione #and all the weird things that overlap in this godforsaken blog

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living-dead-parker · 5 years

Text

New Girl

Summary: Request - Can you do an imagine where your Tony’s daughter and there’s this new girl intern whose trying to outdo you so u feel like the avengers don’t really need you because you think she’s smarter and prettier than you .. thanks :)

What? I actually wrote something??

Warnings: cussing probably, slight angst, real ooc shit but idc man

Word Count: 4.5k ooh she long

You're not a jealous person. Really, you'd always felt jealousy was an ugly color. Unfortunately for you, everybody would describe you as such at the moment. Though in your defense, it's not jealousy. It's a case of fraud!

"Good job, Ally," your dad congratulates the intern. she'd originally been a temp. A seasonal temp for the Spring. Well, spring was over three months ago. In fact, Fall is approaching and it seems like she'll still be here for at least another three months. You scowl inwardly, tired of hearing her name. " We're all meeting in20 to discuss the Halloween charity event," Tony says and your eyes widen. She was definitely not invited to that meeting! "Meet us in conference room B, please?"

It's not that you don't like temps or interns. In fact, you've become great friends with a lot of them over the years. It's just something about Ally. She's a total suck up and she's totally stealing your place. Before she came along, the team would come to you for suit and tech upgrades. They'd go to you for advice on combat in regards to their suits or tech. But ever since Ally came around, she's taken over that. The team goes to her now and they seem to like her better for it as the last person to have stepped into your lab was your dad, three days ago to ask you if you could consult with Ally. Before that was Peter about a month and a half before that to hang out. It's been a while. Then you'd been placed to work on some SI renewable energy source project but then that responsibility went to Ally as well. Ultimately, you didn't have much to do, so you started, unknown to anybody but yourself, dabbling in the fashion industry and took up witchcraft because you have the time.

Before you even hear her response, you turn around and head out towards the elevators. Along the way, you find yourself bumping into Peter. He's quick to apologize despite the fact that you were the one not watching where you were going.

" Peter?" you call out confused. Why he's even on that floor, to begin with taking you by surprise. He has his own lab on the same floor you, your father, and Bruce do. Nowhere near this floor. "What are you doing here?"

" Uh," he pauses, nervously scratching his neck. "I was gonna meet with Ally. Gonna ask her if she can help me repair my web shooters, hang out a bit too."

You almost visibly deflate at that. Great, even your crush would rather go to Ally for something than you. You've helped Peter with his web shooters before, and he'd usually always hang out with you. What the hell? " Oh," you finally respond. "I can help you! After the meeting, I mean."

" It's fine, Y/N," Peter responds. "Don't wanna put a lot on your plate. Go work on your pitch."

Before you can say anything, Ally is walking out with your dad. The two are laughing like they've known each other for years. She calls out to Peter and he tells you he'll see you in a few. You watch him walk up to Ally and you pick up on how she bites her lip, tucking a strand of her long, black, straight hair behind her ear. Her green eyes stare into Peter's and you suddenly feel self-conscious as Peter stares at her.

"Hey Y/N," your dad calls out, walking next to you. "Why are you down here?" He presses a button and the elevator opens, allowing both of you to step in.

"Oh, you know," you start, waving him off. " Just practicing for the meeting. you know how I am."

Tony nods as the elevator goes up two floors to the conference floor. Upon arrival, your phone dings, showing an email notification. You open it and see it's from someone named Alex Gianni. A fashion designer on the come up. Not too unknown as his clothing is all the rage with teens and internet influencers. However, the biggest thing about him is that his father, Arlo Gianni, is one of your father's biggest critics. The two have a mutual dislike for each other and it's kind of hilarious. Nonetheless, you're acquaintances with Alex.

' Y/N Stark, It's in my interest to ask you if you're available to direct my winter line's fashion show. I'm well aware of your eye for design and fashion as well as the mixture of applied sciences into your practices. In short, I grant you creative freedom over the show, based on the looks should you decide to accept this offer.'

Initially, you didn't think much of the email and decided to ignore it for the time being. You'd decline his offer later, for the sake of your dear old dad. However, the offer is very tempting. You've been wanting to do a show before, but you never really got the chance. Nonetheless, you push the thought behind and decide to focus on the subject matter of the meeting.

"Where's Parker?" you find yourself asking, seconds before the meeting is set to start. Everyone shrugs but Tony says to just start without him, that he'll fill him in on the information. So you commence the meeting. Most of your bit is the introductory stuff. Pepper would begin discussing the meat of it all. Halfway through your speech, Peter and Ally walk in, laughing obnoxiously loud. Their eyes widen when they see you and your upset face. Being the professional you are, you continue like that never happened. However, as you continue, you notice the unprofessionalism of the others in the room. They all managed to start some kind of conversation with Ally and even Pepper and your father managed to ignore you and to join in. Peter couldn't seem to keep his voice down and that was the final straw. "And I have a big announcement to make!"

The loudness of your voice gained all thin attention. With a smile used to hide the anger and the heartbreak, you speak up. "I've decided to drop out of the charity event organizer committee. Pepper will be fine on her own, I know she will be."

With that, you head out the conference room and into the elevator. Once the doors shut, you let the tears fall. The anger and the sadness of having everybody forget about you and Choose the seemingly smarter and prettier girl finally coming out. Through teary eyes, you unlock your phone and decide to email Alex back.

' Hey Alex, I would be honored to direct your show! I'm so glad you chose me, please let me know when you'd like to meet to discuss plans.'

Two days passed before you got a sudden response. You'd spent those two days in bed crying and listening to a lot of Fleetwood Mac. No one even tried looking for you or talking to you for those two days given that you haven't gotten a single knock on your door, nor a text or call, not even a message from FRIDAY. When you opened the response, you saw that it was a text from Alex asking if you could meet in two hours. You were quick to respond, jumping up to get ready. For the first time in 48 hours, you were up and smiling.

You were quick to throw on some jeans, a top, and a coat over that. You asked FRIDAY to do a scan where everybody was so that you could avoid them all for now. Deep down, you feel like you're exaggerating, but at the same time, you know you're not. Everyone has been forgetting about you, often ignoring you for Ally for the past six months. Some you've gone that amount of time not seeing. It's depressing. Their unprofessionalism was just the thing that made you break. So, FRIDAY gives you the best route to take so you don't have to see any of them and you take it. You're in a car withing ten minutes and you're driving off toward's Alex's house to meet up.

That's how the next couple of weeks went, without anyone noticing. You'd wake up at 9 AM, get ready for your day and head out as soon as you were ready. You'd go to the nearest cafe, get some breakfast, and eat. Then, you'd get to Alex's house by 10:30. Then, you'd both convene for a while, bouncing ideas off each other, and get to drawing or writing plans. You'd try on the clothes, feel it, look at it. He'd take you to the stores, spend some time with the die-hard fans of his and his brand. You truly delved into the world of the clothes. By the time you were done, it'd be dinner time. You'd have dinner with Alex's family, and it was those moments that you got the familial attention you'd been craving for some time now. Sure, Arlo made comments about your dad, and usually, you'd refute them, but not this time around. Instead, you ignored them and just pretended they were never said. It felt wrong but it felt nice to have someone actually ask you how your day was despite spending the day around you. On days where you weren't over at Alex's house, you'd spend some time watching videos or pictures from influencers who wore his stuff. You'd be in your own rabbit hole for hours on end, listening to music that could serve as a possible soundtrack. You'd even go into your lab and find ways to improve on the show through engineering and science.

Then it all came crashing, in a sense, one day. There were about three weeks until showtime, and you were at home in your lab. You'd gotten the notification. You were expecting the news to come out, it had to at some point before the show. However, you weren't really expecting the backlash from those around you. It started with Alex's brand posting the picture on the brand's account. It was a black and white picture of you, Arlo, and Alex standing in Alex's office. You're all looking at a rack of the new clothes and you're all smiling and laughing. A candid picture. Around it had the words 'Lexicon Couture x Y/N Stark Fall and Winter 19.' It had the date of the show and the time it would happen. The caption read, 'Something big is coming. #LexiconxStark #GiannixStark'

Everyone was freaking out in the comments, the post becoming one of the brand's most liked. Next, came Alex's post. It was the same thing, except he tagged you in the post and he even added a red heart emoji. A most exclusive emoji. Then finally came Arlo's post. It was a repost of Alex's and he added something along the lines of 'my basically new daughter has teamed up with my son for his line.'

Not too long after the posts went viral, you got the email from the company to repost the pictures to gain even more viewership, so you did, leaving the caption as simple yet ominous as the brand's caption. Not too long after you posted it was there a knock on your door. You were too busy adding some finishing touches to the design to care that it could be something not good, so without hesitation, you tell the person to come in.

"You're working with Arlo Gianni?" your dad asks, bursting through the door. You look up from your tablet, seeing Tony's totally devastated look. Without thinking about it, you nod, looking back down at the sketches on your tablet. "The Arlo Gianni? The one who's one of my many enemies? Y/N, how could you do this to me?"

"It's not that serious-"

"Not that serious? He called you his daughter, in his post, Y/N. I take offense to that."

"Look, I didn't take offense to you calling Ally 'like a daughter' okay? Plus, he's not that bad once you get to know him. I was only working with Alex at the beginning but much like all his other kid's ventures, his dad got involved because he cares. Plus Arlo feeds me and asks me how my day has been. I'm just finally trying to set foot into the fashion world like I have been for the past couple of years and my good friend Alex is offering me an outlet to do just that by allowing me full artistic and directorial creativity over his line's show."

Tony stays quiet, noticing how you don't look up at him. "Well, Peter seems devastated that you're so close to Alex. He ranted to Ally the other day that the girl he likes, you know you, has disappeared for days and suddenly she's shown hanging out with Alex Gianni. So...."

"I don't know what you want me to say, dad," you respond, hoping he gets the hint that you're upset now. Hoping he'll react in one of two ways; leave you alone, or apologize for being a dick. "I'm just chasing my dreams here since I have nothing to do here. So, if you're gonna keep chastising me, please go away."

Without another word, he exits your room. When the door shuts, you ask FRIDAY to lock it, feeling the tears come out. Suddenly, you're friends with the enemy and that's when Peter and Tony decide to come around to realizing that they want you? That's when they decide to come around? All for the wrong reasons too? Well, now you plan on rubbing it in that you don't really need them. Yeah, sure it's mostly spite speaking, but deep down you're pissed. How dare they think that they can cast you out and then get mad when you find something of your own to do?

So the next day when Alex asks you if you want to go on his family's vacation for the week, you're quick to respond yes. They'd claimed it would be a celebratory trip to Italy for finishing the show ahead of time. You'd spent the next week teasing your father, the Avengers, and Peter by making them jealous. A post about how Alex is your most handsome best friend at the moment for Peter to see, an Instagram post with Alex's whole family, calling them the best and most supportive team on earth aimed at all the Avengers, and a Snapchat post with Arlo pouring you a glass of champagne to stab your own father in the chest the way he did to you. It was petty, it was ridiculous, and it was everything you felt like doing at the moment. Then at some point in the week, your intentions became sort of clear to Alex, who found it rather amusing. He admitted that he wasn't attracted to you in that way because he's gay, but he'd help you in the part of making Peter jealous by posing with you in various promising poses.

The week was over and you were back home. Now there were only two weeks until showtime and it was time to do some press. Alex had been in interviews all day and you were meant to be working on a guest list for the show, and you weren't so sure if you wanted to invite your dad or the Avengers. On one hand, you've worked on this on your own. This was your thing and you wanted to enjoy it as such. However, you do want them there, even if you currently are upset with every one of them. Plus, it could be a good way to rub it in their faces.

So with that, you add them all to the list. You go on about your business for the next couple of hours, until you see that Alex has sent you a link to a video of one of the interviews he did. In the interview, he reveals that he wanted you to do the show because you inspired the line. He'd based most of the line on your style but gave it a more urban and even modern spin for the youth to wear, as he claimed. Essentially, you were his muse. It all kind of made sense why it all came easy to you. It was based on you. You found it flattering and that made your heart skip a beat, joy filling every fiber of your being. Someone did notice you when everybody else did not.

So, you did some press and eventually, the show came around. You'd been at the venue all day, helping prepare and get everything accounted for. You were running this thing and it was a tight ship, so nothing could go wrong. Everyone got there in time, everything got put together in time, and by the time it was an hour until showtime, you were beyond tired. You had a total of thirty models, a great variation of everything and you felt proud. You cooled down before the show, deciding to get yourself sort of ready for post-show pictures and interviews. When the show started, the sound of Rico Nasty's Roof began to play and the crowd began to cheer. Then the first model walked out; donning a pair of acid-washed distressed jeans with a cropped multi-color jacket, a white Lexicon tee, and some platforms. Her hair was in messy space buns and she wore some neon-pink sunglasses to match the jacket. Right as she reached the end of the runway, another model came out, wearing more from the fall line. You watched from behind the walls of the facade to see the Avengers, your dad, Pepper, and Peter all sitting front and center. Nowhere in sight was Ally. Good.

People seemed to enjoy the fall portion of the show, and it was probably the most fun part to direct. The fall line was more of a modern urban thing, something the cool kids are wearing today and it's very in your face. It's very 'break shit and rage' as you've explained before and you've always had a knack for alternative dress styled. It was punk meets hood and you've always thought that was a cool style. Eventually, after a good twenty minutes, that portion of the show was over. Alex came out and announced a short five-minute intermission, wanting to prepare and transition into the second portion smoothly. In that time, you ran around making sure everyone was good to go. Once the five minutes were over, the sound of Fleetwood Mac's The Chain begins to play. This was the fall portion, which to you was a more formal style. It was warmer in tone and in use, and it was more sophisticated. It still had a youthful feel, but it was more formal than the other stuff. Nonetheless, everyone at the show seemed to dig it. By the time the show was over, everyone was giving the models a standing ovation. At the end of it, you and Alex came out, earning the loudest cheers of all.

At that moment, you felt the rush you'd been searching for. You found your calling and it was everything you expected it to be and more. Once the crowd silenced, Alex wrapped an arm around your shoulder and hugged you close as he took the mic and took the time to address the audience. You watched him proudly as he spoke, one of the biggest smiles on your faces.

"I especially want to thank my best friend, my partner, my muse, Y/N Stark," he speaks, looking back at you as the crowd cheers. "For taking up the job as director of the show. She did an amazing job with everything and through this process, we became closer. She's so creative and I'm glad she agreed to this. My show wouldn't have been the same, and it probably would have failed if it was anybody else."

He hands you the mic and you take it, watching as everyone silences down. You begin your speech, just saying thank you to everyone and it makes you feel emotional deep inside. "I also want to thank the Gianni's for taking me in during this process, making me feel like family and taking care of me during all the long nights and early mornings," you say, taking your father by surprise. "I also want to thank my father Tony Stark and the Avengers for unknowingly fueling my necessity for this show, otherwise, I don't know if I would have done it," you continue. "Most of all, I wanna thank Alex," you pause and notice the way Peter looks jealous as you turn to Alex. "For putting me on this project, for trusting me to do this, and for being the best friend a girl could ask for. For encouraging me to do my own thing after this and for helping me realize some things. Anyways, thank you all so much!"

By the time everyone is off stage, all sorts of people are coming up to you and to Alex, asking you all sorts of questions. All you want to do at this time is get to the afterparty and get a drink or something. Maybe get a burger or some tacos on the way, but you just want a meal and a drink. So, you get through it all as quick as possible and by the time you're done, the only people left are your dad and the Avengers. They're all standing together, some of them holding flowers, others holding cards. You chuckle, feeling a little nervous to approach them. However, you do it anyway, because you can only ignore them for so long. Apparently that limit was about two months. So with that, you walk up to them, a small smile on your lips.

"I have a feeling we're all in for a lecture," Tony speaks up, handing you some flowers. Your nod, eyes wide and words ready to go.

"Yeah, thank you, you whole bunch of actual assholes," you say, making them all go wide-eyed and gasp at your bluntness. "For ignoring me for nearly eight whole months over some intern who was just supposed to be a temp. I don't know if any of you notice, but Ally? I hate that bitch! And I rarely hate anybody! So, the fact that you all ignored me for her at some point in time? That's kind of annoying."

"We didn't ignore you for her-" Steve begins.

"Yeah, we didn't mean to, at least." Natasha comments.

"Hm, let me think," you say, letting it all out now. "Natasha the last time we talked was literally four months ago. Steve, you haven't talked to me in six. Peter, you've ditched me for Ally, which was kind of heartbreaking because I liked you and I kind of thought you liked me back, but ya know, and she's so much prettier than me, so that doesn't help either," you ramble. "Pepper, you basically wanted me off that project and then you got Ally's help, so that was fun. Bruce, Thor, Sam, Bucky, and Wanda, all of you immediately ditched me for Ally, so that kind of sucked. And most of all, my dead old dad. That little argument with you kind of hurt because you were so betrayed that I was working with Arlo Gianni, but behind closed doors, he'd been taking care of me better than you had for the past couple of months since Ally came around. Plus, you only ever talked to me to tell me that Ally would be taking over one of my projects or that I'd have to cover for you in a meeting."

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Tony asks, mirroring everyone's guilty frown.

"I wanted you guys to realize you were shutting me out," you say, the tears you'd been holding in for the better part of eight months now finally coming out. "I was always initiating interactions with you because no one paid me the time of day. But then I finally decided to stop, see if it made an impact, and apparently, it did not, because no one sought me out for so long. But that day of the Halloween Charity meeting, Alex emailed me right before it, asking me to direct this for him. I was initially going to decline, but once the meeting was in full swing and then Peter was walking in laughing with Ally, and then everyone began to tune me out to start talking with her, that was what caused me to snap. You all shut me out, so I took the hint and fucked off. I accepted Alex's offer and for the first time in months, I'd felt happy. I felt happy, I felt needed, I wasn't alone, I wasn't someone's second or last choice. And it felt good."

"Y/N," Tony whispers, stepping closer. "We're so sorry, sweetie," he says sincerely, pulling you into his arms. Everyone begins piling around, hugging you as well. "I'm sorry we didn't realize that earlier. I didn't know we made you feel that way, it wasn't anyone's intention to make you feel worthless or anything. I just told everyone to back off a bit because I didn't want you thinking that SI or Avengers stuff was all you had to do all the time."

"But did I ever complain?" you ask, and everyone goes silent. "I didn't mind helping with that. I loved doing all that work because it meant that I was always hanging out with one of you guys. So you can only imagine how shitty I felt when suddenly, no one was talking to me. Trading me in for Ally."

They all stay silent for a few seconds. Then the wave of apologies came around and you find yourself laughing.

"Look, it's fine. I'm over it now, my grudge has gone away because I found my calling, I found my thing and I'm happier now. I found my best friend in this world, and I found my group of people away from my initial group of people and I'm just over it. But please from now on, no ignoring me? Or else I'll pick up a new passion out of spite."

Everyone is quick to agree, hounding you in another giant group hug, assuring you that they all still cared. After that day, Ally didn't become much of a problem. She still worked at SI, still in her current position, but you managed to stay away from her. Everyone would talk to you like normal and Peter went back to hanging out with you again, making sure to always comment on how he likes you and not Ally. You'd hold it over him for some time, opting to torture him with his crush just a bit longer, just because you're a sadistic spiteful person. In the end, it all worked out as you began to take the fashion world by storm.

Leave feedback, requests, and asks, please!!

#tony stark #tony stark x reader #tony stark x stark!reader #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x stark!reader #reader insert #request #stark!reader #stark!daughter #iron man #spider-man #marvel fic #mcu fic #spiderman imagine #tony stark imagine #slight angst

2K notes · View notes

inosuketingz · 4 years

Text

the sheets are stained with blood [p.4]

PART ONE PART TWO PART THREE [ PART FOUR ] Victor Zsasz x fem!Reader Warning: language, violence, blood and BOP spoilers Word Count: 1687 Tag: @itsknife2meetu @yourlocalghoul @im-just-one-of-the-avengers @fillechatoyante A/N: im sososoosossososos sorry this took so damn long I promise u guys my reasoning wasn’t too bad, i just got busy with school and then right after became really unmotivated w/ the blm movement. as a black woman, it has always affected me a lot and i really couldn’t stop stressing over it for weeks. of course im still stressed over the protests and stuff, but i did want to get back to writing. if it makes you guys feel any better, you guys are getting your guts rearranged in the next part.

“Holy shit!” You yell the minute the quarrel crashes into he window. It lands only inches away from your face, too short to reach it. And whoever shot the arrow knows that. They aren’t trying to kill you. They only want your attention.

“Since when did Hyunwoo have shooters?” You ask. For the most part, you know Hyunwoo was a very independent person when it came to the shady business he dabbled in. He was never the type to have any guard dogs.

Victor shakes his head, forcing his car door open at a frantic speed. “They’re not with him.”

You narrow your eyes, searching for anything in the distance. There’s a flash of purple within the trees next to Hyunwoo’s house and you look over to Zsasz. He’s standing in the open, a grim look on his face.

“Zsasz, get back in the fucking car before you get shot in the forehead!” You bark your order.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” he replies and you sigh in annoyance, slamming your head back into your seat’s headrest. Dealing with him was like dealing with a four year old. You reach into your pocket for the Blood Pendant. If he won’t do what you say voluntarily, you’ll just have to force him. But, when you dig through the fabric, you realize it’s gone.

You glance toward him and see the silver chain hanging out of the back pocket of his cargo pants. That sneaky asshole. You didn’t even notice when he managed to snag it off you.

“Victor Zsasz!” A feminine voice calls out. It echoes around you and you have no clue where to look. You slip out of the car, mentally readying yourself for any of the spells you can conjure.

Zsasz looks even angrier now, his face is painted red with fury.

“Get back in the car!” You try to advise him. You have no clue why you’re so concerned with his safety.

“No, I want to kill these bitches by myself.” He pulls his token knife from his pocket, the one you’ve seen referenced all over the news with his murders.

As he toys with the sharp edge of the blade, you sigh. “No offense, but I don’t think your tiny ass knife stands a chance against a bitch with a crossbow.”

Behind you two, there is a soft crunch of leaves as someone takes a step closer. Like partners in a waltz, you and Victor whirl around. His grip on the knife’s handle grows tighter and you can feel your power tingling at your fingertips.

“Hi, Zsasz.” The two of you face a young black woman, her blonde hair styled in loose locs. You can’t help but notice how pretty she is, despite the cocky grin on her face indicating she wouldn’t hesitate knocking the both of you out cold. “Since when did you start working with the Night Hex?”

“We’re not working together,” You shoot back. “Which is why I think it’s in our best interest that I leave, and let you two hash it out.” You begin to take a step back, ready to bolt out of sigh, when you feel a cold metal against your neck. It’s something sharp, and you hiss as it slightly stabs into your skin.

“Yeah I don’t think so,” A feminine voice behind you says. You look over your shoulder and see her standing there with a crossbow in her hand. She nudges the crossbow closer to your face and you flinch back. “Consider yourself guilty by association.”

Another woman approaches you and you roll your eyes. “God, there’s more of you?”

“Yes. And it looks like you guys are outnumbered.” She mocks you, her inner-city accent evident.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck. These are those Birds of Prey chicks aren’t they? And you remember hearing somebody say they had something to do with Roman Sionis’s death. That’s why Victor looks so pissed.

This isn’t fair. You came to Gotham to relax, and stir away from any of those fuckers in spandex that swear they’re vigilanties. But of course the second you decide to make some hard-earned money, you suddenly have these little birds on your ass.

The one with the crossbow sidewalks to stand in front of the pair of you and turns slightly to aim the weapon at Zsasz. “You’re supposed to be dead,” she tells him flatly. The other two birds step back, seemingly to let her at him. Your mind flashes back to the ugly scar on Victor’s neck. It’s shaped perfectly for a crossbow. Whatever Victor had with these women, it seems to be about more than just his dead boyfriend. “You’re supposed to be dead, like the rest of those sons of bitches,” she insists. Her voice cracks as she says this, and her eyes grow wet.

“And yet, I’m not.” Zsasz practically growls. The words came from deep within his chest. His rough hands twirl the knife between his fingers, anticipating what is to come.

The air is thick with tension, and you are standing in the midst of it all. Times like this are when you especially become grateful for your witchcraft.

A beat passes before Zsasz lashes. He raises the knife, aiming for her face. It’s almost like time slows down for you as you notice the woman’s finger reach for the trigger. You rush to latch onto Victor’s empty hand and close your eyes, picturing your small apartment in as vivid detail as possible. You whisper in Hebrew a teleportation spell you learned in Israel that translates to “Bring me there.”

It hardly ever works. Time after time you’ve tried to disappear mid-fight with Wonder Woman, only for you to remain where you are and get her fist in your face. The fact that you’re trying to do it with two people is insane, and you would’ve called yourself an idiot for even considering it any other time. However, for some odd reason, you can’t fathom this encounter ending with a bow down Victor’s throat.

You’re not sure if you managed it or not until you hear Victor mutter “What the fuck?” and you hear the hum from your studio’s A/C kicking on. You let out an audible sigh of relief and let go of Zsasz’s hand. Your moment of relaxation is cut short when he shoves his hard hands against your shoulders, causing you to stumble back. Out of instinct, you step forward and swing your fist at him, but he ducks back.

“What the fuck did you do!?” He yells so loud that you’re sure the entire floor hears him. “I was going to fucking kill her! Are you stupid?”

It takes you a minute to process his words. You just saved his life and he has the nerve to be mad at you? “Are you stupid?” You echo, your voice even louder than his. “She was holding a fucking crossbow, dumbass! She would have killed you long before you could even lay a hand on her! You should be thanking me, you piece of shit!”

He brings his knife to your neck and you clench your teeth, expecting him to bark some new insults your way. Instead, he swallows down and digs his hand into your pocket to take out the keys. “I’m taking these to Hernando myself. Do whatever the fuck you want.” And with that, he turns to the door to leave.

But you’re not going to let this argument go down so easily. With his back now turned to you, you push him, and he stumbles a bit. “And when you’re done with that, leave me the fuck alone! Stay as far away from me as possible, and deal with the bounty the Birds of Prey have on you by yourself!”

He stares at you from over his shoulder as you wait for an answer. Adrenaline rushes through your veins as you hype yourself up for a fight with him, but Zsasz already looks like he’s calmed down. “Go drink some water, you look like you’re gonna pop a vein.” And then he turns and leaves.

Your face twists as your door slams shuts, the million words you wanted to throw at him still tingling at your tongue.

~~~

Hot water hits your back and you yawn. It took you an hour to finally calm down, but when you did you ordered some pizza and watched TV for the rest of the day. You aren’t too sure how long Hernando wants you to work on this expedition with him, but when it’s all over you’ve decided you're ditching Gotham.

The first few months here have been peaceful, sure, but too many dangerous people know that you’re here. Your little vacation spot has been ruined. So, you’ll probably head somewhere else, like Orlando or Los Angeles. Maybe you’d move to a small town without any crime-fighting heroes, and live out your Hallmark-movie romantic fantasy after all.

Whichever it’ll be, you’re sure it’s not anywhere near this city. Or Boston, either.

You scrub your body with a soapy loofah to make sure all the dirt is off your body. After a few more minutes you finally turn the water off and pull a towel over your body. Something about Victor Zsasz drains the energy out of you. After all your encounters with him, you remember always feeling beyond tired by the end of it.

Whatever it is, it’ll be gone once you leave Gotham.

You lotion yourself and apply your facial creams, pulling on your panties and an oversized shirt you sleep in in the process, all before slipping into your bedroom.

Your room is oddly quiet, the hum of the TV you normally keep on muted and your fan turned off. You flip on the light switch and freeze at the sight before you.

Victor Zsasz waits for you at the end of your bed. The sheets are stained with blood and you can practically smell the reek of death coming from him. He looks at you with those fake innocent eyes as he says a soft, “Hey.”

#victor zsasz #victor zsasz x you #victor zsasz imagine #victor zsasz x reader #Chris Messina #chris messina x reader #Birds of Prey #birds of prey and the fantabulous emancipation of one harley quinn #BOP #bop zsasz #im srry this took so long :(

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