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brothalynchhung · 1 year

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2022 overview

(istg ive been doing this for 10 years frnfiesfjeiss)

Hmmm lets see where did i start 2022

oh yeah tbh this year didnt really “start” for me until like april

because everything before april was just me working at that last stupid ass fintech

what a waste of time honestly

but i did just get paid for doing nothing LOOOL shout out to my sis?

honestly since the beginning i knew it was just a stepping stone to moving out of to into dxb altho the transition and whatever isint easy and i still dont like living here

but yeah i think i was playing guitar gyming, going through an ed ( i miss my slightly skinnier body but getting back there i think.. fml) and just idk hating work a lot

like the way i hated that job was insane if my sis wasnt there too i woulda bBEEN fired i did nothing but sit on the sofa there an browse pinterest and apply to other jobs and watch movies aoirNhaguiraehgubna

oh well tbh that whole job itself was a waste

i applied to a crazy amount of jobs and had mad interviews

then got am lol after months

shoutout to expo? lOOOL all my calls from them happened there im deaefiwfnjf

i miss expo LOL that was also a big 2022 thing

common grounds brr reading brrr

orange hair to blond hair to silver hair to platinum blonde brr to pink rip miss it kinda

my hair fried as shit

oh yeah i also went to mecca this year brrr

honestly that was an amazing experience mecca and madina was so beautiful i felt so at peace there

except for fighting the guards there cuz of the covid bullshit .. but whatev fuck em

holy shit actually this year was a lot

i prayed there cleansed myself etc etc

then i came back and i got a job at am LOOL

then i went to cali LOOOL

which was a ego death existential crisis of its own

my whole life i dreamed of cali / LA and then hated it?

but also i realized yeah i really need to drive to survive in america

which kinda made me hate it lol

venice beach was rlly nice like cali beaches r beautiful

but like i envisioned it i went there alone and then felt hella unsafe the whole night there

im sorry but it is not the 80s anymore 😭? lMFAOO OBV mfs were on DRUGS

smh

i saw jana there! that was cool also finally went to astro burger and fairfax

thrifting there was ass

overall LA dissapointed me but i got high and ate good mochi which was cool

OHH also i went to smokers club fest which was like the best music festival i ever been to

THE WAY I MANIFESTED THAT LMFAOOO I USED MY fintech MONEY TO GO THERE LOOOOOL

also i guess shoutout to nadim for coming and basically driving me / us there cuz honestly if he didnt idk how the hell i woulda got there / back

but LMFAO BRR SUCCESSFUL TRIP

oh wait i forgot so yeah after my 16 hour flight and hours of walking around dt LA then to venice and walking all of venice someone tried to rob me at like 11 pm on the LA metro nice! nice! i was also high as shit! nice ! nice! lMAOFEFKEROPIGJERIS

good thing im a very good high functioning stoner? also my phone was plugged into my powerbank so my phone just went flying out both our hands and i just picked it up IGOT SO LUCKYY LMGOOOO WITHOUT IT IWOULDA BEEN FUCKEDDD imagine all the pics i woulda lost omfg naiufhrguiherguerh anywho thank god i didnt lose it kgriojgsrigjsr

i didnt even see the guy at all omg egroghtiughrtjg

anyways after that i finally saw zaina after like 4 years in sf

i guess sf was cool like it was normal majority of it i was just w zaina then could only go to the city w nada

i mean honestly travelling and doing things is alone is always kinda like.. whats the point? but i dont think sf or LA are good for solo travel?LOOL

but i guess that confirms i dont want to live in cali? i liked the nature and ppl there but uhhh idk maybe if i drived? idk fuck us lol

im just happy i got to go to smokers fest lol

anywho i came back and then moved into my new place in ad and started working at am

actually technically my first am meeting was in sf at like 4 am and i slept through it lMFAEOFJREIFJ

but yeah then i started working at am

i met that dumbass who i worked w for like 6 FUCKING MONTHS dealing w her ass and babysitting her dumb ass

i didnt even kno she would be there but whatever

i tried to b cool w her but on god ive never met a more stupid human ever

thank god i have a brain and im cultured and have critical thinking skills like THANK GOD IM ME

then the whole j shit happened honestly dont want to talk or think about it anymore

tldr is i was mad lonely and its been so long since i talked to a guy that was a dumbass misogynist arab that the second i did i wasl like oooo

and the fact that ivana also described him didnt help fueled my delusions

even tho she said it wasnt him i didnt care cuz im a dumbass

then that actual dumbass fueled me more

but honestly shout out to me telling her about ivana cuz if i didnt she wouldnt have led herself to her downfall which meant i woulda had to keep working w her lMFAOOO she stressed me the hell out on god

but yeah anyways honestly all that was just bullshit im just sick an tired over the gl shit

unfortunately all that delusion and bs made 2022 a horrible fucking year cuz i was mentally stressed and depressed and having breakdowns left and right

but at the same time made me rlly passionate for work which helped me pass my probation w flying colours

now the mf think we cool when i highkey HATE his ass now

seriously drained the fuck out me after all that bullshit im like a somber dead zombie now

never NEVER i deadass 10000000 mean it this time am i ever going crazy over someone ever again

gl better love me and reciprocate or NOTHING im not sacrificing myself ever again FUCK no

also worst bday of my life seriously unless i DIE theres no way my future bdays can be as bad as i spent the one this year

it literally makes my blood boil because i did not deserve that

basically after may my whole life became work and it was horrible i had ppl messaging me and irl asking me if i was okay like it was a complete 180 from yp i did nothing in that job to fucking EVERYTHING LIFE CONSUMING BULLSHIT in this one

hence why im now over all this bs and over working and over extending myself for this job , once 5 pm hits BYE also not working extra or more than i have to fuck yall this is just one job im still young i got my whole future ahead of me

work smarter not harder is my moto end of the day i get my money i get my exp and we go up this isint my end all and i can ALWAYS do better

not saying im not grateful for this job i rlly am but the way i approach it now is gunna be mad different in 2023 cuz i cant do that shit to myself again

but since im 10000000% over that bitch it should be easier

now my focus is just to do the shit i need to do work on mysself and personal goals, manage the mf i need to manage and travel

which is another thing shout out to them for all the travel i did this year lMFAOO

like yeah my bday sucked ass but right after i got sent to helsinki which i loved moomin world brrr

then i went to copenhagen to see amin e and i love denmark too

except for throwing up before my flight to london hmmm

also ididnt know they smoked there that might be my future city fr LMAO

then i went to london which was fire i missed that city its like a european ? british ? toronto LMFAO but cooler imo less shittier weather

chilled w p and k

got high 2 brr

european loud is weird lol

i saw j there and was ocnfused as to why i felt nothing yeah no SHIT bitch the mf ugly and boring as hell

really need to constantly remind myself who the FUCK i am and what im capable of omfg

the way my confidence and self-esteemed dropped this year

now i have no energy for none of that i just dont give a fuck about nothing anymore

being in london was coo w money tho ugh shout out to having funds

also i got a ps5 this year best purchase ever

i think at this point i just wanna save now like meh i guess there is things i want but idk

i dontt knowwww

after london was more bs ass work

went to seattle which i actually liked lol more than cali

i was just happy to exp fall weather

RECORD SHOPPING SEATTLE WAS INSANE

oh i ddidnt rlly mention how much records i bought this year LFMSIOERGJEFE

london and copenhagen thrifting was IT and so was record shopping

but seattle was x10 better jfc

i think i have almost all records i want? except for a few but ill get the rest this year i guess

after seattle or i guess during idk that dumbass got fired brr karma

went rogue on events still sends me 😭😭😭😭 mf if only u KNEW

i think at that point i was just exhausted like from travel and what not i just wanted to stay at home and gym

too much travel = i was eating weird and not gyming so idk

im getting back on track now but smh

i read a lot this year which was good

movies was okay

finished the most paintings this year

got into oil pastels and 3d sculpting

my gym is fuckkk amazing except i miss my old pilates teacher and boxing teacher fml

consume by chase atlantic took over this year for me LMFAOO smfh

went to SA again hated it annoying

yeah by december i was drained as hell from work like i still am

shout out to sam still for being my only friend this year STYLL

oh yeah nadine came love her

z came too but honestly meh .. lol ? the d apple picking thing cheeses me out but whatever

like how u actively friends w someone who shits on me and then go on smthing that was our thing w them?

so done w bum ass canada honestly no intention of going back there at all

another thing to like im kinda over all my canada friends like yeah yall are still my friends but i dont care anymore im not letting the past drag me back

im just not allowing myself to suffer anymore

hmm wat. else

yeah idk this year was just swallowed by work

sole was ass met amine felt ass about it

i need to do something w myself that i genuinely gaf i need to put myself out there more

i need saturn to move the FUCK out of aquarius that what the fuck ineed

now that that bitch is starting to move im already starting to feel better

but now i gotta wait styll until fucking march for that sooo

overall like hard ass year high high and low lows

im still grateful for myself + life and happy i get to save money and make money and gain experience and travel

im just hoping next year i can do a good job at work normally and be happier / more balanced and make stuff that i genuinely like

i just want to be happier this year

also i bought tickets to japan SO IGEIRUGHESRUGYBHESUYRN LMFAOOOO YEAH A BITCH GON BE HAPPY SHE BETTER FUCKNG BE HAPPY

2023 will be better

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taxfraudhousewife · 2 months

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hey toga i can’t even process your actual death i feel like im still processing the concept of your death

and i wish i could ask you what to do

you’re a normal guy sometimes i forget

i use muslim jesus like shorthand for something i can’t explain

and i think it made me forget you’re just a fuckin guy

that makes everything so much worse

you became a drinker and a nyquil addict

you were still preachy and you liked to gossip

doesn’t that make it so much fuckin worse

i’ve been trying to write about the terrible half known unknown

hoping once it’s in words it won’t be in my head

but i can’t explain it

terrible unknown suffering

in terrible context that makes optimism for retards

the shit i can’t admit

despite the evidence

the probably heavily censored story is all i have

she said zip tied to a lashing post

she said they left you there to die

she said it took days

lashing post niga what do you mean

what do you fucking mean

my brain is always going crazy imagining what your last few days were like

like did the courtyard have a roof

did it rain

i’ve been assuming they stripped you as genocidal sex freaks do

and assuming they did at least a little lashing if you were already on the lashing post

that scares me

their giant high wattage batons and where they might’ve stuck them scares me even more

the stories are terrible

and everyone says the same shit

i can’t stomach it

they can have everyone with a single drop of uyghur blood just not you

they can have hong kong and tibet and the whole continent just not you

i can’t just keep existing assuming the worst

i know not to be optimistic but i wish you’d reincarnate as a crow and tell me you didn’t get fucked in the ass with a taser baton

like i keep imagining it

everyone says it

EVERYONE FUCKIN SAYS IT

i’m losing my shit over here i can’t stop imagining it

niga every terrible fuckin story is happening to you at once in my head all the time

israel and russia and ukraine aren’t helping

hey news flash rape in warfare is fucked up

in ethnic cleansing

super fucked up

hey guess what if that happened to you no it didn’t

no thanks that will radicalize me (in a bad way)

i can’t stop imagining it

i try to picture you before

i can’t

you’re a whole ass person

and like i can’t even comprehend it

super dead super fuckin dead

insultingly dead

it feels like i’m the only one carrying you

i know that’s not true but i’m at least the only one in my subgroup of the family

i’ve been grieving you by myself and wishing you were here to grieve with me

i’m so pissed off at you for leaving me

because obviously it’s about me and not uyghur emancipation

WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME

this is why we can’t have nice shit

can’t have nice fuckin uncles can’t have shit

toga i can’t make sense of it

i know that’s the point it’s senseless

the senselessness is gonna kill me

sorry

you would’ve handled it better

you would’ve turned this into angry letters to unhrc and revenge money to spend on lawyers

you wouldn’t have lost your fire

i’ve been clinging to what i have left in fleeting moments

but it doesn’t feel like fire anymore

it just feels like a dense fuckin void in my chest

suckin me inside out

not just because of you it’s everything

but you were kinda my last straw

just like that i was alone in my grieving again

i know that’s not that you want

i also know there’s a real good chance you don’t care what the fuck i do

that’s the most embarrassing part

i’m pissed off cause i still think

with only more time i’d be your right hand

and how dare you take that opportunity away

you were my opportunity for something more the only opportunity that’s ever meant shit to me

i know how stupid it is to wish for nothing more than to save the world with the only family whose politics you share

still i wish it hard

i thought i was gonna help you save the world

i believed in your fucking speeches

you don’t get it you were literally fuckin muslim jesus to me

everything you said i believed that you felt it and you made me feel it too

this is it this is my fucking religion now don’t you get it

i can’t believe anything else and i’m grateful for finally believing that i know some kind of fundamental truth

but i’m so lonely in this stupid religion

it feels like a disease

one id rather not suffer alone

one i’d have the time of my life with if only it’s suffered with you

i almost converted to islam

almost considered it at least

you would’ve laughed at me

i thought i’d find you there

i think i might be too mentally ill for religion

i liked praying with you

i would’ve converted if we could’ve done that more

it was cause i got to listen to you talk

and repetitive movements are lit

that’s a thing i try to remember instead

i thought you were tryna convert me

but holy shit it was kinda nice to hear you say

i’ll feel better after we pray

you’ll show me how

we’ll pray for east turkistan

and donetsk

and yemen

even the russians and the chinese too

even the americans

you said peace

for everyone

and i watched and listened and copied you

and it was warm and i was drunk and hungry

and you were just you

super sweaty and gross and shaking like a chihuahua

refusing to do what you’re supposed to

i kinda wished you’d stayed in bed

but what was i gonna do infringe on your human rights

so i just watched and listened and copied you

wondered if you were also trying to not faint

i’ve been trying to describe your voice in words

before i forget it completely

quiet and hushed like the walls are listening

passionately too serious when you get going

like you forget you’re not talking to foreign ministers

something deep and rich but muted and slightly sour like goat milk

maybe goat milk with honey cause you always tried to include me in conversation

this is unrelated but your cane made me freak the fuck out

still does

when i pulled up to the becky mansion i was mentally preparing to mask for eight hours

not that

that whole WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU thing

that’s how that started

i can’t explain it

i wanted to cry

wanted to personally curb stomp everyone who did that to you

wanted to hug you then i did

but you decided to fuck with me for mysterious muslim reasons

fuck you i wanted to cry i still wanna cry every time i think about it

why the fuck would you say that

everything felt like you personally wanted to torture me

but it didn’t feel like an accusation at least

#mental illness innit

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twistednuns · 6 years

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September 2018

I spent the first week of September in Bali. I got my advanced diver's license and did my navigation dive with David in PadangBai. For the night and wreck dive I went up to Tulamben (and had the driver teach me how to open my chakras and read someone's aura - he even made me connect with my mother who wrote me an e-mail a few hours later asking if something was wrong because she had felt me very strongly) where I ate the very best tempeh satay skewers and fried eggplant at Warung Rusti (with a 90s playlist in the background - "Shalalalala!").

That night dive deserves it's own bullet point: It was the first time for me, I had never been under water at night before. After saying that I met real-life Gary (Spongebob's pet snail) I'll just include the message I wrote to a friend that night: Das war gerade so bombastisch. Mein erster Nachttauchgang, ich wusste überhaupt nicht was mich erwartet, und dann war das gleichzeitig noch ein Wracktauchgang - ich hatte das Wrack vorher noch nicht gesehen. Wow. Du steigst einfach nach Einbruch der Dunkelheit direkt am Strand ins Wasser und tauchst ab. Nach ein paar Minuten taucht plötzlich ein riesiger Schatten vor dir auf - die USAT Liberty. Könnte auf den ersten Blick allerdings auch ein Blauwal sein... Ich kann's gar nicht beschreiben. Du hast nur eine Taschenlampe dabei, auf einer Seite siehst du vage Schemen vom Boot das von hinten manchmal von anderen Tauchern angeleuchtet wird, auf der anderen Seite nur Dunkelheit, schwarze Tiefe. Das Allerbeste ist allerdings, die Taschenlampe auszumachen. Wenn man im stockfinsteren Wasser mit den Armen wirbelt, erzeugt man hunderte kleine Luftbläschen, die wie leuchtende Funken aussehen. Magisch! Hat das was mit Biolumineszenz zu tun? Muss recherchieren. Das ist so ein geiles Gefühl. Mitten im Nichts, in der Dunkelheit, um dich rum nur Wasser. Ständig am Überlegen, ob man nicht doch noch spontan Panik kriegen soll. Beim Auftauchen siehst du die Sterne über dir, den Mars, die Milchstraße. Vom Ufer siehst du das Meer an manchen Stellen milchig türkis aufblitzen - wo die Taucher tief unter der Wasseroberfläche das Wrack anleuchten.

Climbing a fucking volcano in the middle of the night. Seriously, climbing Mount Batur must be one of the most challenging things I've ever done. I wasn't ready for this. Getting up at 1am, only a weak flashlight against the darkness, shorts and a thin jacket against the cold. I got scratches, killed my knees, my lungs were angry as well. I fell. And I still don't know how but somehow I made it to the top. So I sat there, shivering, wet, in the thin air surrounded by clouds. Listening to Krishna Das because that's what I kept doing in quiet moments during my trip. So I witnessed the moon and the stars vanishing, the night growing fainter, the sunrise behind Mount Agung. Walking downhill wasn't any easier (I'll never be able to get the black earth stains out of my jeans) but I managed. My reward: an organic tomato for breakfast, straight from the field. And soaking in hot spring water at Toya Devasya. They had an infinity pool right in front of Lake Batur, just what I needed - even though I only started to notice how many of my muscles were mad at me.

Later, I went to Ubud where I took part in a cleansing/blessing ceremony at the Holy Spring Water Temple, Pura Tirta Empul. We got green bathing sarongs and made an offering before we got cleansed and "talked" to the spirits in the pool. In the afternoon we met a Balinese healer who basically only confirmed what I already knew. I must be on the right track, I suppose. Later I talked to Alex from the UK on the backseat of our car while the others had coffee. We were born one day apart and felt that there were a lot of similarities in our biographies. He asked me for advice on his panic attacks and what he could do about the mask he keeps wearing so that nobody gets to know the real Alex. It felt like a therapy session but I loved how open you can be around a total stranger.

Ubud treats: daily massages, affordable lash extensions, health food everywhere (Smoothie bowls! Veggie wraps! Goddess bowls! Oh, and Gelato Secrets, not healthy at all but delicious), a successful ring quest (good luck trying to find gold jewellery in Bali... but in the end I managed to find a gorgeous ring with a bluish green stone) and a whole day in a batik workshop where I learned the traditional technique from locals. Worth mentioning: the little girls dancing for us at the healer's place - especially the goofy, chubby one with her puppy and the girl in pink who would exaggerate the traditional eye movements and made me laugh / Riding a scooter - this time as a passenger on the back. The gorgeous view of the countryside north of Ubud. / Talking to the Canadian newlyweds about the NHL while having lunch with a view over the rice terraces. /

Magic for Humans

The stories Richard and Star Wars in Benedict Wells' new short story collection Die Wahrheit über das Lügen.

Silence. Thank you, ear plugs. I don't leave the house without Ohropax and a good book.

Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky. More or less the first science fiction book I've ever read but MAN that one is SMART. It's a take on human culture, mirrored by a tribe of very unexpected sentient animals. Worth mentioning: my new Kobo e-reader and OnLeihe (where you can get e-books from the library).

So I'm officially an adult now. Every single thing on this list is true for me. I don't really know why I'm putting this on my Things I Love list since it is pretty scary but at the same time I feel weirdly good about it.

Seeberger's trail mix salty/fruity with rhubarb, banana chips, almonds, peanuts, cranberries and physalis.

Celebrating autumn - even though I had a beautiful summer I'm kinda looking forward to sweater weather, crinkly leaves, gothic novels and pumpkin soup.

George Harrison with a beard and long hair was such a gorgeous human being. Listening to his songs on repeat at the moment.

Spending a day at the Isar with my students. We made a fire, they tought me how to skip stones (no talent) and after a while we couldn't bear the sun anymore so we just hopped into the river in our underwear. We walked along the gravel bank and allowed the water to carry us back to the others. I had such a good time.

What a musical conductor actually does on stage - such an interesting video, especially after many seasons of Mozart in the Jungle.

I know I've probably already said it but this recipe is absolutely delicious. Perfect for autumn. Not bad either: spelt crepes with a creamy chanterelle/champignon filling.

Finally finding a way to do a shoulder stand in yoga class even though my stomach muscles aren't strong enough.

Spending the evening with Manu. Who thinks I'm prettier without make-up. Who played with my hair. Who cooked for me. Who looked gorgeous that night. I mean, come on, open denim shirt over a hairy chest, wavy hair in a man bun with loose strands - that's just unfair. He played the guitar and we sang together. Trying to find a good duet to perform on Thursday (karaoke night!), ending up singing along to every weird song we could think of.

Nursing a yellow bell pepper plant back to health.

Sitting under a blanket outside, a captivating book on my lap, Dunkelgrün fast schwarz, watching the clouds being blown away by the warm autumn winds, flying leaves, deep in thoughts. The smell of family dinner in the air, the light fading away. A sense of longing in combination with melancholia and thoughts occuring on a meta-level, probably the result of too much writing, reading, dreaming, spending time alone.

A matte top coat turns Essie's Bahama Mama nail polish into pure velvet. I love the look and feel of it. So much more elegant and understated than shiny polish.

Give up comfort

My first karaoke night in Munich at Keg with Manu and Bibi. Performing together - my favourite was Because of You by Kelly Clarkson even though we were really bad. The atmosphere was pretty great. There were a lot of Brits around, probably because of the Oktoberfest. Folks were swinging a huge double-ended dildo around, we all danced with each other and I taught everyone German swear words. The good kind. After a few beers I just walked up to Manu (and Bibi!) and we started kissing. I kissed a GIRL and I liked it! Being thirty and somewhat confident is such a blessing. A lot of people kept saying that Manu and I should be a couple. Promising! Especially the girl who sang the Adele songs (and nailed it - voice twins!) was shipping us. Daw.

Dinner at Lena and Obi's wedding location. The waitress showed us around. I feld very grown-up asking questions and acting all responsible and busy.

Going shopping with Lena, trying to find a wedding dress for her. Falling in love with the coats at Zara. Unfortunately I still need to lose some weight in order to buy my clothes there.

Wondering how people actually perceive me. Sometimes I get the feeling that they see me as an angry feminist. But while being a feminist is totally fine with my - I guess I gotta work on my anger issues.

AnderART festival at Odeonsplatz - singing Wonderful Life with Ian, Jens and the GoSingChoir!

Meeting Manu L. at the Alcest concert. I liked talking to him that night. It was only the two of us and I liked how honest he was. And that he gave me a new, less emotional perspective on the whole deal with Frank.

Wearing black jeans, my new checked shirt, dark-rimmed glasses, a huge, soft grey scarf. Doc Martens. A headband.

Treating myself to a 100ml bottle of Byredo's Super Cedar perfume. I smell damn fine now.

On a Friday morning there was a cat downstairs in the subway station. She hung around at a corner and permitted me to pet her. She even jumped a little to meet my hand halfway. Very good start into the day.

#things i love #personal #present perfect #september #2018 #september 2018

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