#and like. I've never been someone who could learn Any Kind of language outside of a classroom setting

[shikai-the-storyteller]

I genuinely tear up whenever I think about how English fans are learning Spanish for Quackity and how Spanish fans are learning English for him. He's really loved.

#i talk #dsmp talk #I have now moved from ''genuinely tear up'' to ''I am currently crying my eyes out rn thinking about it'' #maybe this is a bit too tmi for a frickin tumblr post but #I'm Mexican and I've always been really deeply ashamed that I can't speak Spanish #esp because I look white passing and Ive dealt with the whole ''but you dont SEEM Mexican!'' thing my whole life #which — as someone who has always been fiercely proud of her heritage — never failed to piss me off #but I've always been too scared to practice with other people or with family #because I'm still afraid of that judgement and I'm afraid of not being seen as ''good enough'' or ''Mexican enough'' #and like. I know I am I KNOW I am and there's no invisible standard or whatever I need to prove myself to #but at the same time. those kinda things build up over the years y'know? #then I got into DSMP and I found out Quackity was Mexican too #and I got really invested in his character and him as a person / creator #and when he joined Karmaland I finally decided to start practicing Spanish #and like. I've never been someone who could learn Any Kind of language outside of a classroom setting #and it's hard and frustrating and embarassing more than anything else #but I saw Quackity post about today's lore on his Spanish twitter a bit ago saying people should watch it even if its in English #and one of his Spanish-speaking fans responded to it saying how they started doing English duolingo for him #and like y'know Ive been an English teacher for ages and I'm always quick to congratulate people because learning a new language is hard #so I (in Spanish) respond by saying that I'm learning Spanish so I can watch Karmaland #and I say how amazing it is how everyone's learning a different language for Quackity and I wish them good luck #and I'm looking at the responses to both our comments rn and it's making me cry more #because the English and Spanish communities are both so enthusiastic and supportive of each other because we all love Quackity #I'm not really sure how to put my emotions into words but. it's nice to see that support. it's nice to feel seen by my own people #and it's nice to see that love trancends culture and language barriers #I see so much bad stuff in the world but then I see stuff like this & it makes me bawl my eyes out because we're all just people in the end #something about human connection and love and communication #I dunno. Quackity is very important to me and so is his community. #Anyways I know lore's gonna kill me today because this just made me bawl for 10 minutes #karmaland talk

[homunculus-argument]

Gender and ethnicity are surprisingly similar in a way. Everybody knows what a woman is or has a rough idea of who is an arab, but the closer you look, the more clear it is that there are no exact definitions, no way to draw the line of who "counts" as what. People know who they are, and people who aren't exactly sure what to define themselves as still know themselves better than any outsider could. People who ask questions like "well what's stopping me from just identifying as black?" really don't understand what it means to identify oneself as something. It's not about what you want to be, but what you know you are.

First and foremost, I am a white man, and I make jokes about overconfidently sharing every single opinion that pops into my head, as a white man is prone to do. I do shit that finnish men do, think and react in ways that aren't exclusive to either men nor finns, but which overlap enough to be typical and characteristic of someone of my age, gender and ethnic background.

I don't know whether people who had been severed from their ancestors' background could be said to experience ethnic euphoria from getting to do things that affirm their identity, learning their own peoples' native language as an adult or engaging in traditions that they had previously been barred from. Maybe they do, maybe there is the same kind of an affirming joy in I am Romani, I am doing the things Romani people do as there is in I am a woman, I am doing the things women do.

Being finnish and getting to finnish things is a comfort I've never needed to question - the right to be finnish, speak the language and do as we please hasn't been threatened or prohibited in my lifetime. But it's just as much a part of me as being a man, and I remember how thrilling it was to be regarded as male and participating in the culture I grew up within in the role and place that men do. I could not stop being finnish any more than I could stop being a man - and trying to sever someone from any part of their identity is mutilation, an act of violence.

Somewhere out there, right now, there's someone who isn't just feeling joy of getting to be a man, or of getting to be french, but the abstract but distinct enjoyment of being a frenchman.

[a-teacup-of-golden-cracks]

tw this is a trauma post but it's also a narrative I'm proud of. Suicide and self harm (mental and physical) will be mentioned.

To help those who aren't me understand, I think in part in references since it is both easier and more fun than creating original thoughts.

(1): reference to the videogame Omori

(2): reference to the movie The Dark Knight (take a guess as to why I like and relate to the joker)

(3): reference to a song I like (in order, HOPE by NF, Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park, Love the Subhuman Self by AISHA, Arc System Works, and Jamison Boaz)

(4): a random saying I heard and enjoyed

“No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man behind blue eyes. No one knows what it's like to be hated, to be fated to telling only lies”

“Behind blue eyes” by The Who

Welcome to the nonsensical abyss of my mind, you've been here as long as you can remember (1). By reading this you're getting to see my thoughts without translation. Nothing here makes sense to anyone except me, I make references others rarely understand. But allow me to tell the story of how what you see now came to be. You wanna know how I got these scars (2)? “I spent years of my life holdin’ on to things I never should've kept, full of hatred, years of my life wishin I was someone different looking for some validation.” (3)

Middle school was a special sort of subtle hell for me, it stole things without me noticing. First it was my feeling of impervious safety when a kid laughed at a genuine heartfelt remark I made. Then it was my trust that friends would never betray me and always respect me when they wouldn't stop making jokes at my expense. Slowly, steadily I descended into paranoia and loneliness, and thus my contentedness with life was stolen. The ax forgets yet the tree never does(4).

A secret hidden issue that I only found out this year was that the ADHD meds I needed to take to function may have been causing the paranoia to start with. I still don't know how to feel about that, that all my issues and trauma might stem from something that's not even real.

Once I started high school it became more and more apparent that nobody liked me. At least not for very long. I never learned to function in middle school so I was still struggling with what everyone else already knew and mastered. Giving a compliment and sexual harassment, would you like to know the difference? I would've but nobody told me until after I'd been punished.

Intent vs impact, I never intended to hurt anyone yet my impact was that I did more often than not. So I cut off the things that hurt people, removed them from my mind. Who needs humor? Not me if I can't use it right. Who needs to give compliments? Not me if I can't say it right. Who needs to hug people to show affection because it's your primary love language and you want to show everyone how much you like and appreciate them? …… not me…. if I must…. to not hurt them…

You see where my inner pain starts now? Where the scars in my mind begin? There were two things I could never bear to cut and slice away, my name and my kindness. Most trans people change their names to align more with their gender but I decided no. I am done changing things for other people to accept me more, they never do. My name is Daniel and it's the sum of my entire being. If I am non-binary, or a woman, or some eldritch horror that everyone fears and that has lost every shred of humanity because of the things I've endured, then my name represents all of that. It's not my issue if people make a poor assumption about my name because of what they think it should be.

Maybe I don't even want to be human anymore if all that humans have shown me is hate. All throughout high school it was nothing but hate or dislike shown to me, barely any kindness outside of my family. So I isolated myself from everyone, to avoid those who hated and to not burden my family with my issues. I'd handle it by myself like I always had in the past and I'd be ok.

I was not ok.

I was rageful. I was tearing myself apart more and more and more internally, only my desire to never hurt anyone kept me from tearing the school down brick by brick with all the students inside it. But maybe… could it be I was the exception and the problem? Could it be I'm the one who deserves to hurt for the pain I've caused? Should I hurt myself? And so I tried once, a good solid punch to the forehead that didn't make me feel any better and never tried again.

The pain I deserved wasn't physical, it was mental and so I gave myself infinite mental pain. What an idiot I was for giving that compliment when clearly in retrospect it was sexual harassment, what a dumbass I was for saying that joke, looking back I deserve to lose my entire friend group over it. Maybe I'd be better off if I didn't exist anymore if I caused more harm than good and could never seem to learn or improve. The thoughts I had then… and sometimes still now… it's so hard to remember that looking into the past makes everything obvious in the worst ways possible…

But there was a light eventually, someone who told me all that was wrong. Someone I met online and will never see in person, someone I messed up horribly with and yet she still forgave me. Thank you infinitely June. You showed me that monsters can be good.

So I steeled my resolve and used my rage at myself to look inward and outward and found that I was being mistreated and misunderstood. I shouldn't kill myself to not exist or hurt people because I would improve and I could make others improve. So I stood at the very last meeting in front of the whole school and spoke the truth of my mind with as much respect and rage as I could muster. So much pain and anger and hate and sadness I'd endured and I showed all of it to the entire high school of 300 people.

I've never felt more satisfied in my life than when the headmaster of the school himself asked if there was anything he could do for me and I said no. I've never felt more proud when I met with him two days later and asked for a neurodivergent support group to be created for the middle and high school, and he said yes. Half a year later my brother told me that the headmaster stuck to his word and did more than I asked. I never felt more vindicated than when I was told by my only friend that he'd heard people making school shooter jokes after I stood up and told my story.

And so I started to heal. My humor, I did need that. How could I be happy if I could never make myself laugh? My desire to give joy and be kind, I needed that. How could I not fulfill the purpose in life I'd made for myself? My ability to hug and love and be happy with others, I needed that. Desperately. “I want to heal, I want to feel what I thought was never real, like there was somewhere I belong.”(3) I just needed to find better people who understood. I reconnected with my family and told my pain and tried in every possible way to show how sorry and sad I was for cutting them off. I couldn't stitch the old bits back onto me but maybe I could grow something new. Something I wanted and I loved, for me.

I can never fully heal, that's why you see the holes in my form, but I've incorporated them now, so that they help me as much as they hurt. I carry on and love my subhuman self, accept me for me and go back to being with humans (3). I give them the kindnesses I can but only after I do that for myself. This is the kindness and respect I give to me, the biggest change I made, because I deserve it as much as everyone else. Now close your eyes and you'll leave this dream (1).

“But my dreams, they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be.”

Behind Blue Eyes by the Who

[brandnewhuman]

hello there dear ( ◜‿◝ )♡ i hope that you're doing well !! i've never submitted one of these before so i do apologize for doing anything wrong - but i was wondering if i could perhaps request a slasher match-up ?

BASICS &. LOOKS : my name is remy !! i'm 18, demiromantic and use she/he pronouns :) in terms of looks i'm 5'3 with shoulder length curly brown hair (usually worn in a messy bun or braids), blue eyes, and i'm fair skinned with lots of freckles !! i usually wear a bit of make-up because i think it's fun to do :D but i especially wear lots of blush !! i'm more on the lean/skinny side which is something i do get self conscious about sometimes but :") it's something i'm trying to overcome !!

PERSONALITY : i can be both an extrovert and introvert, it really just all depends on who i'm around. usually i try to give the same energy that i'm given (if that makes any sense ?) !! i'm a sensitive person (i like to blame that on my zodiac sign lol ♋) and i get emotional very easily. however, i tend to bottle those emotions up since i have a hard time expressing my feelings <\\3. because of this, i can be distant whenever something is bothering me. i've been told that i'm a bit of a "mom-friend" !! i like to take care of the people i love. it just makes me happy to treat them and let them know that they are cared for ^^. surprisingly enough, i can be blunt ? when needed 😳. i definitely am more than able to take care of myself, even if i will end up crying about it later lmao 💀.

TYPES : entj | 6w5 | cancer sun + virgo moon + aquarius rising | lawful evil

HOBBIES &. INTERESTS : i really love anything that's outdoors !! from hiking, to camping to having picnics - i just love being outside ☺️ i definitely prefer warmer weather though ! in the winter i become a hermit <\\3 during the warmer months i enjoy getting to clean up areas that have been heavily polluted and make them look all pretty again 😋 but that's mainly what my hobbies consist of ! i'm generally an adventurous person so i'm always up to try new hobbies ^^ at the moment i am also learning how to crochet :D ! i'm interested in a large variety of things, but the ones that are on the top of my head would have to be horror movies/slasher films (duh 😩), 70's + 80's fashion, classical literature, and cosmetology <3

OTHER INFO : my love language is a mix of physical touch and acts of service ! physical touch definitely takes some getting used to, and i don't really like being touched a lot unless it's someone i fully trust ^^ but after i get comfortable, i can become very physically clingy. i just like hugs and cuddles 🤷🏻‍♀️. i tend to show my partner love in similar ways. i like making things for them, or giving lil head pats. to make a long story short - i love getting to spoil my partner 😌💖.

that's about all i can think of ! i hope that it's enough for a match-up 👌 !!

remember to stay hydrated and take breaks hun !! you're doing such an amazing job and i cannot wait to see who you happen to match me with 🥰 <3

I paired you up with...

♡Jason Voorhees♡

STOP BEING SO NICE OR I WILL CRY OMG. 

I had to, I HAD TO PAIR YOU WITH THIS HUGE BABE. 

First of all, you're beautiful and as I always say to anyone who is trying to be more gentle with themselves, I'm really proud of you^^ 

Jason is like everything you need and more I promise. I absolutely get what you were saying about matching another person's energy. I do the same all the time and I think that with Jason, being the gentle giant he is, it would never be a problem interacting with him. You will always find that Jason gives to the people he loves all the kindness and care he's capable of. 

Like I said in my jason hc he gets frustrated very easily about his own mistakes ecc and he tends too to bottled up everything so he's really understanding of when you're feeling like this and tries, at the best of his capacities without pushing you, to help you if he notices something is not okay. 

To make sure you don't stay silent when something is bothering you he will take his time to learn what you like and dislike so he can avoid upsetting you. 

Jason really needs someone who can take care of him. He has spent so much time alone and while he has eventually got used to it, it still feels very lonely to be always on your own and having to kill everyone who approaches you. He'll be hesitant at first and will try to be the one taking care of you but eventually he'll let go and accept your help and care gladly♡

The "I eventually cry about it later" is so relatable lol. Surprisingly Jason is too very straight to the point when he has to and he will not cry about it later, he will cry about it not even a second after if it's something about you that he has to be blunt with. 

Outdoor activities? Yes, to all of them. Jason is the fucking king of outdoor activities. You're going to have the best dates in the woods with him 

And when he sees you picking up the trash from the ground? You got him at your feet, babes. That's probably the reason he didn't kill you, because you were actually respectful and a nice person who just wanted to see nature. 

Please teach him how to crochet so you both can make matching sweaters for each other 

He relates so much with the whole "trust before touch" thing. Taking in consideration what has happened to him he will obviously be very guarded about letting people touch him ecc but once he gets close enough you won't be able to keep him away from you. 

He will cry if you give him little pats in the head or medicate his wounds when he comes back home. He loves the feeling of being taken care of and he actually finds endearing how many things you're willing to do for him. 

This matchup made me think about this song:

#slashers #slasher community #slasher fandom #horror movies #slasher fanfiction #slasher x reader #jason voorhees headcanons #jason vorhees x reader #jason voorhees #friday the 13th #slasher matchups #slasher headcanons

[johnkrrasinski]

started from a call

full masterlist

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x female!reader

Word count: 3,610

Warning: angst with a happy ending! that's all.

Summary: written for @wkemeup's 9k writing challenge with the prompt "character a leaves an embarrassing, drunk message on character b’s voicemail and spends the rest of the night trying to discreetly delete it from [b]’s phone." inspired by a bit of ross and rachel from friends too. you found out from steve that bucky was in love with you in high school but after he returns home with a girl in his arm, you cancelled your plans to tell him how you feel. will you and bucky have your happy ending?

a/n: please like, reblog and leave a feedback. :) enjoy!

"Alright, I'll see you tonight. Bye." He leaned against the kitchen counter and hung up the phone with a grin on his face. "You hear that, Sam? We're going on our third date tonight." He threw his phone up into the air and caught it so casually without spilling a drop of his coffee sitting on his right hand. "Looks like I'm getting that 300 bucks soon."

"Hey, easy. You ain't going to that date yet, who knows? She could bail on you. It doesn't count if the date doesn't end well."

"Oh, but it will. I just gotta turn on my charm and next thing you know, we're already meeting the parents stage."

"Meeting the parents? That's a big step from you, Buck."

"Hey, I'm a man of my words. If I said that I'm going to change this year then I'm gonna stick to it."

"So Leah isn't just a one-time thing to get 300 bucks?"

"Maybe yes, maybe no. We'll see how tonight goes. But one thing's for sure is that I'm getting that 300 bucks."

Sam and Bucky made a bet as their New Year's resolution that Bucky would never go on a second date with any girl or remember to call her in the morning after a wild night. His commitment issues had given him a reputation as the player in the gang. It wasn't a new thing anymore to anyone that when they visited Bucky's place in the morning, they would see a girl with a dopey smile and slightly ruffled hair walking out of his apartment, giddy that Bucky just made a promise to call her later.

You, Natasha, Wanda, Sam and Steve were hanging out at Nat's place. The six of you had been friends since college. You, Nat, Bucky and Steve had known each other since high school and the four of you kept in touch despite going to separate universities. You met Wanda when you went to NYU and Steve met Sam while he was in Harvard. Long story short, after the four of you graduated, you and Wanda lived together as roommates and even started your own bakery business. Steve and Bucky lived in the same building as you and Natasha and Sam lived nearly alone. They were too independent for roommates. Don't even start on Natasha and how much she valued her personal space. That's how the six of you ended up here, gathered at your place on a Saturday afternoon.

"Are you gonna pick her up tonight?"

"Of course. Gonna clean up well, bring her some flowers and knock on her door at 7 pm precisely. Which girl isn't gonna fall for that?" Bucky walked over to the couch you and Nat were sitting on and leaned on the headrest, his arms caging both you and Natasha.

You didn't say anything nor did Natasha because she knew about your feelings for Bucky. Despite never feeling that way about Bucky in high school, your feelings changed a week ago after learning that Bucky used to be in love with you but never had the courage to tell you. That's why he never had a girlfriend during his high school years and he wanted to take you to prom and confess his feelings to you but he was too late. Another guy had already snooped in first.

You were his first love but it wasn't reciprocated until now. That's why in college, he learned how to get over you and slept with as many women as possible because he felt like he lost four years of his life of finding the one. He never intended to be a player and feed girls empty promises, it just kind of became his way of dating. He was too afraid that no one could live up to you yet he enjoyed being with women. Hence, the bet.

The day you found out from Steve about Bucky's past feelings for you while playing truth or dare, you immediately wanted to call him up but Bucky was out of town for a few days and as soon as he was back home, he had Leah in his arm. Your heart was crushed. Wanda told you that it would probably last for a few days and that he'd eventually be single again but you totally did not expect this thing to turn into something serious. You loved Sam with every fibre of your being, he was like the big brother you never had, but you wanted to curse him for making that bet.

So you just rolled your eyes and stayed silent throughout this entire conversation, even though your heart felt like it was being stabbed over and over again. "Alright, I gotta go. Got a big date tonight. I'll see you guys in a few hours." Just like that, Bucky walked out of the room without knowing the pain his words caused you.

The next day you were sitting in your bed watching The Notebook in your pyjamas because you were too heartbroken to do anything productive. It was Sunday so you could just have a whole day to yourself and do absolutely nothing but cry. Wanda knocked on your door bringing a plate of cookies and she had a pitiful look on her face. "y/n? Sweetie? I made you these cookies, they might make you feel better." Sometimes you thank the stars for bringing her into your life.

"Thank you, Wanda. You're so nice to me." You know you probably sound like a hormonal whiny kid but everything made you cry at the moment.

"Do you need anything else? I know how it feels to get your heartbroken, trust me. When me and Vision had a fight and we didn't talk for days all I wanted was to curl up and never leave my bed, so in case you need anything, I'm here." She offered you that warm smile of hers.

"No, all I want right now is to just eat these cookies and go back to my film, thanks Wan."

"Okay, I'll be outside." Your pity party was interrupted when Nat arrived in her leather jacket and burst into your room.

"Get up, you are taking a shower and you're getting that face beat."

"Natasha, what the hell? Leave me alone."

"Y/N, listen to me. I got a date for you. His name is Scott and he's a real nice guy, he's funny, he's a good friend of mine and he is really smart. He is so much better than Bucky, I promise you. Now c'mon, I already told him that you are meeting him tonight at Stark's restaurant at 7."

You whined, doing anything you can to get her to leave you alone with your tears and your cookies but you knew that once Natasha set her mind on something, there's no talking her way out of it. Damn that woman with her determination.

"Y/N, c'mon! Wallowing all day isn't you. I know you and what's good for you. That's why I found you a great guy who will charm you so good that you will forget Barnes even existed. You can't let him win, y/n. If he's going to be happy with someone else, then you better show him that you can be much happier with other people."

You stared at her, trying to absorb her words. There's some wisdom in that. You're not the type to cry over a guy, not even for even Bucky Barnes. So you let Natasha drag you to the shower and asked Wanda to do your hair when she does your makeup. She chose an outfit for you, a dress that was not too sexy but chic enough to leave a good first impression.

Scott was early to the restaurant and he looked elated to see you. He was wearing a grey suit with no tie and he had a really exuberant smile on his face, the type that drew people easily. You could see why Natasha called him a nice guy.

"Wow, sorry, I just- didn't expect you to be this beautiful."

"Ah, thank you, Scott. Have you been waiting long?"

"No, not at all. I just arrived here like five minutes ago."

The night went on and Scott did most of the asking and talking, you answered each question curtly with forced enthusiasm in your face and body language. You weren't even listening to half of the things he said because your mind kept playing images of Bucky with Leah and how you heard from Sam that the date went well so he lost 300 bucks. You kept thinking about Bucky and Leah and how they would probably get married and have kids and live in the suburbs with a golden retriever while you'd still be single and you'd compare every man you meet to Bucky. Maybe it was your karma for not reciprocating his feelings in high school.

Five glasses of wine and you spent more time nodding than talking. Honestly, all you wanted to do was to just go home and go back to The Notebook because their love story was much better than your love life. Scott woke you out of your daze, "Natasha told you that I was cuter than this, did she?" after you gulped your sixth glass of wine.

"Oh Scott, I'm so sorry. It's not you, it's me. I know it sounds cliche but it's just... I'm not in a place where I'm looking for a boyfriend. You are a really likeable guy and I swear, if we had met at another time, maybe I would be a better date but right now, I just- I have someone else in my mind." You sighed, it felt like a relief to get that off your chest.

"Is this guy... an ex-boyfriend?"

You chuckled, "no... He wishes."

Scott nodded, "look, I don't know what your situation is but I've been through a divorce and it's never easy. But eventually, you'll be fine. You can't see it now because you haven't had closure." Then it was as if the bulb above your head was turned on.

"That's it.  Closure, yeah. That's all I need. Okay, give me a minute. I'm gonna call him now and I'm going to get my closure."

Scott sat there watching you comically trying to find your phone in your purse and tapped on Bucky's contact number. The normal you would be sweating with every ring but intoxicated you had no worries in the world... For now.

"This is Bucky. Can't pick up right now, leave a message." Beep.

"Hello, yes, Bucky! Or James, should I call you James? I always thought Bucky was a weird name. Anyways, I'm just calling to tell you that I am fine and I am on a date with Scott. And speaking of dates, I just gotta tell you that I'm happy to hear that your date went well. And that, my friend, means that I am over you. That's right, I'm over you. Tell Leah I say hi." You said sarcastically.

You hung up the phone and threw your phone back into your purse. You felt like you just won a chess game.

The next morning you decided to sleep in because your heart was pounding and you could barely sit up without feeling like you might fall. You were supposed to be working at the bakery but since you owned the bakery, Wanda let you sleep it off until you recover. You couldn't remember anything from last night, how you got back to your apartment was a mystery. You tried to put the pictures together, from being forced to go on a date, meeting a guy named Sean? Simon? Sebastian? Scott! Yes, Scott. You ordered your meals and then... Nothing, it was all blurry. You weren't even sure if anything happened at all after eating your meals.

The apartment was empty because Wanda was working at the bakery and it was just you with your hangover pills. Bucky came to your apartment without knocking because Wanda told him on the phone that you were home. He greeted you with a smile and asked about your date.

"Uh, let's see. I think there was a restaurant, I know there was wine. And there's a guy, Scott and pretty much that's all I can recall."

Bucky made a yikes face. Seeing the state you were in, he could do the math (of the wine you had). You probably enjoyed the alcohol more than the guy. What a doofus, he thought. If he was the one going on a date with you, you'd definitely remember every detail from last night.

"Leah's downstairs and I'm taking her back to her place but I left my keys here last night. Have you seen it?"

"No, check the drawers. Maybe Wanda put 'em there."

"Ah, okay." He opened the drawers and found the keys to his bike.

"Did we... Speak on the phone last night?"

"Nope, my phone was dead and I didn't charge it all night so I haven't really checked it. Why?"

"Nothing, nothing. It's just... Never mind. My memories are a bit hazy right now. You should go, say hi to Leah for me."

Bucky nodded as you walked back to your room to go lie down. Your question reminded him that he should probably check his phone now because there could be work-related messages but the first thing he heard was a voicemail from you. "Oh, y/n. I got your message!"

That instantly stopped you in your tracks. Your eyes went wide and you froze. You immediately turned around and ran to grab his phone away from him. Bucky had a confused look on his face, "who's Scott?"

"Oh my God, no, Bucky, give me the phone. Give me the phone!" But it was already too late, he was already halfway through your voicemail and by the time you successfully snatched his phone out of his grasp, he had already heard every word.

Bucky stood there dumbfounded, he needed time to process everything you just said to him. "What do you- what do you mean you're over me?"

"Oh, God... Alright, um- lately, I've um- sort of, have... Feelings for you." You never had to chase a guy or confess your crush first so this felt new and my God, it was nerve-racking.

"You have feelings for me..." He said it as if he was convincing himself that his ears got it right. Bucky couldn't believe the words that just escaped through your lips, for years he had dreamed of this moment. Though never did he ever want you to make the first move but adolescent him wanted to hear you say what he'd been wanting to say to you too.

He didn't say anything for what felt like minutes and you couldn't decipher his thoughts from the look on his face. "I need to sit down," he pulled one of the dining chairs and leaned on his side in a defeated posture.

"Bucky... Please say something." You alerted him in a hushed tone, not wanting to startle him than you already did. But he didn't. He was lost at words. What the hell was he supposed to tell her?

"Look Bucky, I'm sorry for telling you this way but I had to. I just- I've been wanting to talk to you about it since you came back to New York, well- actually, since Steve told me but-"

"Whoa, Steve told you?!" He interrupted.

"Yeah, it just accidentally slipped when we were playing truth or dare..."

"Okay well," he stood up from his seat, yet he still couldn't look you in the eye. "I can't do this right now, Leah's waiting for me downstairs and I gotta go." He basically ran out of the room and slammed the door behind him, leaving you alone.

Once your hangover had begun dissipating, you decided to help Wanda at the bakery and took the night shift. She must've been exhausted from managing the bakery alone while also helping the employees in the kitchen so you told her to go home and leave it to you. The bakery's usually slower at night.

When it was nearing closing time and your employees had gone home, you decided to clean up and turned off the lights and checked everything one last time before locking the door. The bell above the door dinged and you were slightly annoyed because who the hell comes to the bakery at this hour?

"I'm sorry we're clo...sed." It was Bucky. He stood there in a black coat, with an expression you still couldn't figure out. "Bucky, what are you-"

"You have no right to tell me that you've got feelings for me." His tone was harsh, he never spoke that way to you or anyone... Ever.

"What?"

He walked closer to you, maintaining his gaze, "You can not tell me that you've got feelings for me now when I'm doing well with my life and Leah..."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I was in love with you for years! Years, y/n! And you never said and did anything and now when everything's going well you're ruining it!"

"I am ruining it?" You repeated the question because you couldn't believe what you just heard. How dare he said those hurtful things to you.

"Yes! I was doing fine with Leah and now I don't know what's going to happen with me and her anymore..."

"Yeah, well, I was doing fine before I found out that YOU were in love with me and never had the balls to tell me!" You did everything you could to not cry, you hated crying in the middle of an argument.

"Hey, it's not like I didn't try. There were your ex-boyfriends and your dates and I had to move on. I couldn't wait forever! And now, now you're too late."

"Oh, so what? You're just gonna walk away and pretend that this never happened?"

"Yes, I'm going to do exactly that and I'm going to go see Leah." He turned around like he did earlier in your apartment and left you alone once again with your heartbreak.

"Fine! Go ahead and see Leah because I don't give a fuck about cowards like you or whoever you sleep with." You slammed the door and tried everything you could to not have a breakdown here because you really hated letting an argument hurt you. You sat on one of the chairs where the customers would sit and you hid your face with your hands and cried.

Not because you just lost an argument but because of what Bucky said and it felt like you had lost Bucky before you even had him. Now there was no hope left for you and Bucky, things were too complicated.

You didn't know how long you had cried there, alone, in the dimmed lighting of your shop but after you felt like the tears had dried, you wiped the traces of your tears from your cheeks with the back of your thumb. You stood from your seat and was ready to go home. You couldn't wait to eat some leftover pizzas, take a warm shower and cry into your pillows until you fall asleep.

But when you were about to leave, you saw Bucky standing on the other side of the door, watching you through the windows with a softer expression on his face. You opened the door and Bucky instantly grabbed your waist and kissed you as if his life depended on it.

You gave in to his kiss, letting him pour every desire and yearning into your lips for as long as he wanted. You grabbed his face because you wanted him impossibly closer and you shut your eyes, letting your guard down. Because it was Bucky, and you'd known him for as long as you could remember and you both deserved this moment.

Bucky eventually pulled away until both of you were running out of air. You were breathless from his kiss, you never knew he was such a good kisser. (It's Bucky and he's had a lot of women on his bed, of course, he was excellent at it. Who were you kidding?) But now that you've had your own front-row experience, you felt a tad of possessiveness at the thought of sharing those lips or any part of him with anyone else.

"I couldn't go back to her knowing you are here alone and I had thrown away what I've wanted for as long as I could remember."

"I'm glad you came back." You pressed your foreheads and you rested your hands on his chest. You could get used to this.

"I hope it's not too late to say this but, y/n y/l/n, will you let me take you to dinner and see a movie after maybe?"

"I wasn't the one who said it's too late," you halfheartedly teased him.

"Shut up, so is that a yes or a no?"

You bit your lip and nodded, "yes. Definitely a yes." You stared into his ocean blue eyes, so deep and beautiful, you could easily get lost in it.

"y/n y/ln, I'm going to put all of your ex-boyfriends to shame."

"Hm, we'll see about that." You put your arms around his neck. Then a thought crossed your mind and your smile faded away, "what are you gonna do about Leah though?"

"I'll talk to her in the morning. Let's take you home now, yeah? It's getting late."

You bit your lip and nodded, "okay."

Ninth grade you dreamed of popular jocks and athletic seniors, but little did you know that, sometimes, the one who sincerely loved you was the book nerd who loved The Hobbit a little too much.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes modern au #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan angst #sebastian stan fanfic #friends to lovers

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 2]

With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

Chapter Summary: Y/N and Spencer start to put a plan together.

A/N:  I’ve got a head cold at the mo’ but I had to get a covid test just in case so I’m not allowed leave my room till I get the results! So enjoy a bonus chapter while I wallow on my own for like 36 hours :( On a positive note, thank you guys all so much for the response to chapter 1 I really didn’t see that coming! I’ve tagged everyone who asked, let me know if you wanna be added

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: Cursing, some NSFW language/themes

Word Count: 6.1k

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Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

"Are you coming up or what?"

The question was still ringing in my ears. It caught me completely off guard. 'Up' as in up to Spencer's apartment? Where he lived? I knew he lived somewhere in theory, just like I knew deep down that he wasn't made in a test tube. 

Without noticing I've undone my seatbelt and I'm hopping out of the car, following him around to the front door. I guess I am coming up.

Spencer's apartment is more cosy than I thought it was going to be. It's warm and lived in. It's not big, but I think that might be what makes it homely. Something about the way he behaves had me thinking it would be fully decked out in stainless steel or glass or something. But it wasn't pristine, it was messy. 

There were books bursting from the shelves that lined the walls of the apartment, along with books laid open over nearly every surface in the place, it looked like he was in the middle of reading all of them, and honestly, I didn't doubt it. Maybe I'd misjudged him. He even had some photos of what looked like his family, and maybe friends, even some of the BAU, lining his walls or propped up on his mantle. He had little trinkets and souvenirs on his shelves too, evidence that he'd been around the country for reasons other than a case. I would never admit it to him but there was a real charm to the place.

Once we got inside he took off his bag and suit jacket, tossing them on the desk just inside of the door. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, and he seemed to pick up on my awkward energy.

"You can make yourself at home" he said, his confident streak remaining. I had no idea what to do with that. What would even make me comfortable in Spencer Reid's apartment? I took a seat on his sofa and just sat with my hands resting in my lap. Really not even sure where I should look without feeling like I was invading his privacy. Even though I wanted to. I think it was morbid curiosity, looking for clues on who this man might actually be outside of the BAU. What I really wanted to do was stand up and walk around, soaking in every bit if this place as if it would help me decipher our messy relationship.

He returned to the living room a few moments later, two mismatched mugs in his hands. He places one in front of me on the coffee table. I pick it up and take a sip. It's lemon and ginger, how did he know what kind of tea I liked? I held the mug in my hands inhaling the steam in an effort to relax. When I look up he's watching me, arms folded across his chest.

"So, how does this thing work. What's the game plan?" I honestly have no real idea. This evening really got away from me, I was still expecting to snap out of it and wake up in my bed at any moment.

"Well I can't say I've ever been in a Sandra Bullock movie before either so this is uncharted territory for me too" I say with a chuckle, trying to ease the tension. Even a little. I can see him crack a small smile but hides it almost instantly, his face hardening again.

"My sister, Margot, she's getting married in like 4 months." I can feel myself tense and I shake out my shoulders, I have to remind myself that he's agreed to this already, "Fuck it, I'm just going to be honest with you. My Mom's mostly freaked out that I'm too attached to this job and that I'll just never find someone again." I shouldn't have said again, fuck. I hope he didn't pick up on that. Who am I kidding. "Even though, I'm not sure I care if I do or don't?" he doesn't say anything, like he's waiting for me to continue. I know I've shared a little too much already but I keep going.

"Margot's 2 years younger than me, I introduced her to her fiancé Philip, we met in college, he's a sweetheart. But since they've gotten engaged Mom's gotten exponentially weirder. I think she's convinced I'm fully going to die alone, as if that would be the worst thing that could ever happen? Anyway, she's been trying to auction me off to all these guys, using this wedding as an excuse. I'm not sure how much of that phone call you actually heard earlier but Mom was trying to sell me on this guy, David, and I just… snapped." I look up at Spencer and he unfolds his arms, leaning in ever so slightly coaxing the story out of me.

"David, he uh, he worked for my father for a while back in high school, filing documents and stuff, busy work mostly. He used to make out with me when he was at our house after school, but then he'd ignore me in the halls the next morning. I know it's because I was a pariah back then or something but I didn't want to think about it today and I just got worked up. I shouldn't have let on that you were my date, I was just going to ask if I could bring Garcia or something, and I'm sorry." I cover my face in my hands, "I'm insane, you can back out if you want to."

I can hear him move from his spot on the opposite side of the sofa, he takes my wrists and gently pulls my hands from my face. He looks into my eyes, "I'm in this now Y/N, what do you need me to do?" he asks, and there's a genuine earnest in his voice that I think I've only ever heard a handful of times. And it's never been directed at me.

"Okay, well we've got a few months before you ha–, wait, fuck!" I throw my head back, there's already a complication, "shit" I curse under my breath. His eyebrows knit together, sitting upright.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I forgot about my Mom's 50th, it's next month. They've got this whole huge party planned back home in upstate New York. I've gotta go and they'll probably want to meet you, or they're gonna have a load of questions for me at least. I can try and get you out of it I'm sure"

He gets that cocky look again, he shakes his head "I don't know, I've always liked a bit of competition" he reclines back into his corner of the sofa, taking a satisfied sip from his own mug before speaking again. "You know, if I've got to learn enough to pass as your boyfriend in a month, surely that means you've got to learn enough to pass as my girlfriend within the month, no?"

Oh god. What have I done, why didn't I think this far ahead. "I mean, yeah I guess you're right." I had to remember he was doing me a favor. I had to get over myself. "Okay, if you're sure you're up for that?" I ask, and he nods, and I think he looks excited, or maybe he just finds the whole situation funny.

"If anyone's up for the competition it's you" he says, and I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a dig but I nod in agreement.

He takes another sip of his tea, collected and relaxed. I can't help but notice how at ease he is when he's in his own surroundings. I'm so used to seeing him sitting at a desk surrounded by paperwork, or combing through file after file in the make-shift office in a small-town police station, usually flustered or anxious, or antagonizing me whenever he wasn’t. This was a different Spencer. Completely in control, at ease.

"Alright, shall we get started then, we can't really afford to waste any time can we?" he was actually sort of right, so I nodded. It was only now occurring to me that I'd have to share parts of my personal life with him if I wanted this plan to work. We already knew the basics about each other, I'd read his file when I started at the BAU, I'd read everyones. And I feel like it was safe to presume he'd done the same.

His eyes bore directly into mine as he leaned forward, I think he was enjoying how uncomfortable I must've looked.

"How about I ask you some rapid-fire questions and you have to answer 'em?" he asks, and it's as good of a plan as any, and I can't think of any other suggestions, so I nod.

"Okay, shoot." I say, unsure and nervous, so I brace myself. I'm just grateful that he's making my life easier rather than harder for what feels like the first time since I met him.

I really should've known better.

He leans in, "So Y/N, first question, when did you lose your virginity?"

I almost choke on the mouthful of tea I just took, that can't be what he just asked, and he looks like he's savoring my shocked expression.

"I uh, I don't think you need to know that?" is all I can get out.

"Really? You think that's something your boyfriend wouldn't know about you?" he's right, but I didn't want to admit it outright.

"I feel like I sort of already hinted. It was that same guy David, I was 18, he was 19. We had sex on the couch while my parents went out one evening. I kept my bra on the whole time, he came, I didn't. It was all very standard stuff." I wasn't sure what compelled me to add that last part. I think I was giving in to the open honestly thing. "So what about you Doc?" I challenged.

He didn't seem embarrassed, or even shy. "I must've bloomed little later than you" he admits with a soft chuckle, "Vivian Stewart, I was 21, she was too. It was the last semester of my last PhD and I figured I must be missing out on something. And I sure was" he smirks to himself. "I came, she did too, 3 times. I did a lot of research ahead of time" he mirrored my story and I rolled my eyes. It was hard not to feel a little impressed but I tried with everything I had to stifle it so he couldn't tell. I wish it didn't make me feel something but it did. I gulp down the mouthful of tea that's been sitting in my throat.

I have to shake myself back to reality. I can't give him the satisfaction of throwing me. "My turn." I command, "When was your last relationship Dr. Reid?" I ask, "I mean like, serious one, not like hook-up" I clarify before he can ask. He thinks on it for a moment.

"I'm not sure what you classify as fully serious, but I guess it was this girl, Rebecca, we dated for a while when I first joined the BAU but it didn't work out. What about you?" he flips it back.

"So that was what, like 6-ish years ago?" I ask, he just nods.

"Mine was like 3 years ago now I think. I met this guy Nathan on my first week of college, we dated for like 4 years. He moved here for me when I got accepted by the BAU." I had to stop myself from delving into the detail. It was a long time ago now but it still hurt. "Long story short, the hours were demanding and they got in the way more than I would've liked. We ended up splitting a couple months after I got the job." I tried to play it off like it wasn't one of the more devastating things to happen in my life. But something told me he’d registered that, so he didn't push.

His energy picks up and he looks at me with a grin, but there's something a little sinister behind it. "I've got a more fun question for you." he leans in closer to me, "Y/N, when was the last time you got laid?" I just looked at him in shock. 

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I can go first if you really need me to?" his voice didn't waver,

"Fuck you Reid, I know when it was!" I snapped back at him. I did have to think back a little farther than I'd like to pull up the memory.

"Met this guy in a bar when I was out with Pen one night, we went back to his place and hooked up." I say as deadpan as I can make it.

"Well that's not very exciting is it?" he jokes, "Did you at least cum that time?" I know he's just trying to rile me up, but I answer anyway.

"As a matter of fact I did" I earn back a little of my confidence.

"I'm so happy for you, but you did manage to avoid my initial question" fuck "when was this exciting night of yours Y/N?" he probes, like I really, really wished he wouldn't. I could lie, but I'm sure he'd be able to tell. I cringe before I can say it.

"About 8 months ago" I mutter, just low enough for him to hear.

"Sorry, did you just say 8 months ago?" He nearly shouts in disbelief, he seems to find it funny.

"Hey fuck you Spencer!" I go on the defensive, "When was the last time you even got laid?"

"Like two and half weeks ago" he says, confident, and still laughing, "Wait wait, when was the last time you got yourself off? I know you're not waiting 8 months!" he giggles and I think I could kill him. I know I kept giving him outs but was it too late for me to just get up and leave?

"I'm not doing this with you if you're just gonna make fun of me Reid, I get enough of that at work" I get out, my voice is serious but I'm trying to hide how awkward all of this is making me feel, and I don't know that I'm doing a very good job.

I can tell that's gotten to him, he relaxes and eases up on the giggling. "Look okay wait Y/N. I'll stop, I'm not actually trying to make fun of you. I was being serious, I think stuff like this is important if we're gonna have to be comfortable around each other enough to seem like a real couple. Plus, it'll just help break the ice?" he shrugs. "But you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I soften, because I agree, even thought I hate that he's right. "Fine" I collect my thoughts, "2 nights ago I'm pretty sure." I regret it almost instantly, but breaking the ice is supposed to feel awkward.

"Same here actually," he chuckles, "what'd you do?" I'm so startled by the question I almost forget how to answer.

"I, uh, my, my vibrator? I just felt like uh, I watched some..." I still can't force out a whole sentence. It's not like I was always awkward about sex or anything, I could talk to Garcia, or honestly probably any of the other team members about it. But with Spencer it didn't feel as comfortable. He still sat calmly, smiling just a little.

"Same here, 2 nights back, but with my hands I guess. I wonder if we were doing it at the same time?" he mutters the last part gently and my head goes a bit fuzzy. My eyes drift away from his face and settle on his hands, the mug he's holding looks so tiny with his fingers wrapped around it, I wondered how they'd look wrapped around my-

"Okay I think that's enough for one night, don't you think?" I jump up off the sofa and turn, mostly so that he doesn't catch the blush thats creeping from my neck up to my cheeks. And because I don't know what I'll say, or regret saying, if this conversations continues on its current trajectory.

"Sure," he says, standing up next to me, and I want to move further away instantly, "you're probably right, and it's getting a little late now anyway" he glances at his watch. Ushering me back towards his front door and opening it up. Before I can walk out he lightly touches my shoulder to turn me back to face him, and I wonder if he can feel the heat radiating from every part of me.

"So are you free next Friday after work?" he asks, and I'm so flustered I almost forget why, I just nod. "Perfect, how about we come here again and we can dive into preparing? You could also make a start on getting these onto a hard drive?" he gestures to the antique looking hardbacks adorning the shelves.

'Sounds great!" I perk up, feigning enthusiasm, "See you then!"

"Well, see you Monday morning actually Y/N" he smirks as I walk out the door. Fuck, he was right.

I really hadn't thought this through.

——

The weekend was a bit of a blur. I decided to try and put some useful information into a document for Spencer. It felt strange to try and condense my life into as few pages as possible. I knew Reid had an eidetic memory, and nothing would necessarily overwhelm him. But I also knew that he was someone that the team relied on to fill in a lot of the gaps in the rest of the our knowledge. So I felt bad about dumping a load of information on him, especially considering it was a favor he was doing for me.

I'd complied the majority of my life into a 15 page document and printed it out. Hopefully that would address most of what my family could guerrilla attack him with. There was also something unsettling about the imbalance. I was going to give him so many of the intricate details of my life in a little file, whereas all I really knew about Spencer was what I'd taken it upon myself to learn about him throughout the past few years.

I'd read all of his work while I was in college, given how he was the gold standard of getting into the BAU at a young age, I wanted to know who this guy was. I think I'd pictured something different. And I couldn't deny there was something enticing about finally getting to know him after all of these years of working together. Maybe this could actually be fun, or interesting at least.

----

I arrived early on Monday morning. I thought I was first into the office as usual but Garcia was sitting in my desk chair waiting for me. The second she saw me walk in she tensed, she must've known we were the only people in this early.

"What happened! You've been avoiding me all weekend?" she asked, and she was right. I'd drafted enough texts to her, trying to explain what the plan was, mostly without wanting to admit that she was right. Maybe I was stubborn.

"Alright okay, I drove Reid home." I admitted, dropping my bag by my desk. She rolls her eyes at me, dramatic as always.

"Well I knew that already Y/N damn! What happened next?"

"Fine, we went into his apartment and talked for a while. Trying to sort out the details, get a handle on things I guess?" I said, unsure of how much I should actually give away about our conversation.

"What things!?" She shouts, standing up from my desk,

"I don't know Pen, like logistics and stuff, I still haven't decided how I feel about that little stunt you pulled on Friday night!" I let my frustration get the better of me, and maybe that's why I haven't talked to her. It could also be because I know she's able to read me like a book and I'm not even sure how I feel about this whole situation.

"I call bullshit." She counters, "I know you were relived as hell when I sorted that whole thing out. You would've had anxiety tummy all weekend if I hadn't called Spencer!" I just go silent, she was right. I'd gotten so caught up in the whole, 'how to have a fake boyfriend' that I'd almost forgotten about how stressed I was about Spencer hearing my call in the first place.

"Okay, shit" I sigh. "Maybe you were right Pen. We're actually meeting up again this Friday after work to make a plan for the next while, so I guess that's progress?" I shrug, trying to play it off like this whole situation doesn't make my stomach flip.

"Ohhhhh! So like a date?" She probes, her enthusiasm rising drastically.

"Oh my God Pen no! Like an appointment at best" I diffuse the situation

"Ugh that's no fun" she says, not even trying to disguise her disappointment.

As if on cue Dr. Reid walks through the double doors into the bullpen. Both Garcia and I wave, overall awkwardly, but making an attempt pretend like things were completely normal and like nothing had changed since the last time we were all in the office together.

Penelope heads to her office as the bullpen starts to fill up quickly. Less than an hour later though Garcia's back at my desk and there's a new case that needs the teams attention in Boston. I follow her into the conference room and wait for the rest of the team to join. Spencer follows a moment later with 2 cups of coffee in his hands. I can see my mug in his hand and my automatic response is that he's messing with me. But he places my mug in front of me in the circular table before taking the seat next to me, listening to Garcia's briefing. I don't know if he's ever sat next to me in this conference room, at least not by choice.

I barely had any time to finish my coffee before I have to say goodbye to Garcia and hop on the jet to Boston.

----

The case was grueling. More so than usual. It was wrapped up late on Thursday night and the team decided to fly back home first thing on Friday morning. I was exhausted. Even if there was enough time to get sleep each night it wasn't like I got any. Whenever a case got on top of me like this it made it hard to rest, or get it off my mind at all until it was wrapped up. So even though it was over, that didn't mean I wasn't exhausted.

Hotch gave the team the rest of the day off, given that we have until submit our paperwork by Monday. I wasn't sure if Spencer's invitation from the following week still stood. I didn't want to ask, partly because I was so tired, but also because I was scared. I wasn't about to show up at his house in an effort to have a heart to heart, or hand him a condensed version of my life story on a manilla envelope if he was as drained as I was.

Standing by my desk I packed up everything I'd need to get my paperwork done over the weekend, I was just about finished when Spencer snuck up behind me, perching himself on the edge of my desk. "So, you almost ready to go?" he asks, like it's the most obvious question in the world. I couldn't really hide my surprise.

"Oh yeah. That's fine, I mean, if you're still cool with that?" I ask, and I hate how flustered I sound, like he makes me nervous.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" He chuckles, standing up straight.

"Cool, gimme a sec and I'll be good to go."

I pack up the rest of my stuff quickly and we make our way out. There's something that feels a little eerie about the two of us being in an elevator together alone again. It was a different kind of awkward to how it felt a week before hand. It almost felt like a kind of tension rather than a hatred or a rivalry. Either way we rode down in silence.

Once we got to the basement Spencer walks out of the elevator and walks straight to my car without having to ask. I unlock it and he hops into the passenger seat. Like this is a natural interaction. Something we do all the time. And I don't hate it as much as I thought I would.

"So," he says, buckling up his seat belt and breaking the silence, "do you know how to get to my place from here or do you need directions again?"

"Well I've got to turn on the engine first" I tease, hoping he picks up on the reference to our last car ride, he chuckles like he does.

"Are you hungry?" he asks

"Starving."

The delivery guy get's to Spencer's apartment at almost the same time we do.

---

Once the food's been demolished the two of us finally sit on his sofa, the same sides as the week before. "So, shall we get back into this?" He asks, sitting forward slightly to pull a notebook out of his satchel on the floor. It's small and lavender, and it's got a pen clipped into the spine. He cracks it open and flips to a specific page.

"Sorry, what's that?" I ask, pointing to the book, he looks confused,

"They're my notes?" he says, like it should be obvious

"Your notes?" I ask,

"My notes on you." he smirks, again like I'm silly for even asking.

He had notes on me? He had a whole notebook on me? What was even in that thing?

"You've got notes on me?" I ask, my hands reaching out to grab it, but he retreats faster than I can catch him. "What have you got in there that's so serious?"

"Nothing." and his tone's a bit too stern and I don't really want to push it when he's being so uncharacteristically nice to me.

"I've actually got this ready for you" I pull the file out of my own bag and toss it to him. "I'm not sure exactly what you need to know but that should be the majority of it at least."

He opens it up and glances over the the pages. It takes him all of 2 minutes to get through the whole thing. It feels unsettling that he's taking in a boiled down version of my life while I'm just sitting on the opposite side of the sofa. Trying to avoid the attention I pipe up.

"Um, hey, maybe it would be a good time for you to show me where to make a start digitizing your books over here?" I stand up and make my way to the shelf. He jumps up off the sofa and walks toward me, visibly excited.

"That's actually a great idea, I thought that the theses from my degrees could be a good place to start, since I'm pretty sure they're not backed up anywhere." he guides me to a section of the book case by the window. There's a series of leather bound hardbacks, the same gold font embossed on the spines. I recognize all of them, pulling out the first one.

"This is my favorite" I say without thinking about it and he does a double take, clearly thrown.

"You've, uh, you read my work?" he asks, completely puzzled. I'm sort of proud that I've managed to make him this awkward, and I nod.

"Mmhm, back before I joined the BAU actually. Before I really knew you" I regret saying the last part, it comes out a little meaner than I really wanted it to so I back track. "Spencer, I read all of your work while I was in college, you were like the gold standard. I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a night throughout my PHD because I was just trying to get as much done as you." and his face softens at the admission. But it takes him a moment before he responds. Leaving the two of us in silence a little too long.

"I had no idea" is all he says.

"I think this one was best" I say propping up the one in my hand, "you get a bit cockier as you move on” His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "but I'll start with all of these I guess" I grab the matching books and stack them in my arms. Walking over to his desk and setting up. Glancing at the clock it was only 7pm so I decided to just make a start.

Spencer didn't contest. Letting me just get settled at his desk, I pull out my laptop and begin work on transcribing the first volume. After a few minutes he silently places a cup of tea down beside me and goes to sit on the sofa. The time rolls in quickly after that, each time I look up at Spencer he's carefully combing through the file I'd given him. Re-reading it and making little markings in his lavender notebook. I'm not really sure what I put in there that was worth making a note on but clearly he was reading between the lines on some things. That little notebook was like a profile of me.

When he seemed like he'd finished writing he pulls out his phone, scrolling through it aimlessly like I'd never seen him do before. It made him look so normal. His eyebrows knit together as he's looking at something on his screen and he stands up. Making his way over to me at the desk and shows me what he was looking at.

"Who's this?" he asks, "This guy you're with?"

I recognize the photo instantly. It's from a few years earlier, Nathan and I on the beach, my head resting on his chest. He'd taken it while we were on vacation celebrating our anniversary. That was about a month before I got into the BAU, I had no idea that was going to be our last anniversary. I gulp down the emotions that it stirs. I'm mostly over the whole thing by now, but looking at old photos like that, photos of happier times, it can still sting.

"That's uh, the boyfriend I was telling you about last week. Nathan, we broke up not long after I joined the BAU?" he nods, but he's smart, and I kind of figure he already knew that.

"Ah alright" he takes out the hardback and jots another note down. Maybe he's trying to get a read on me.

"What are you doing?" I gesture to the phone,

"It's research, do you not think that if you and I were really dating that stalking your social media profiles would be on my agenda?" he's smug, and he's right. But I guess I just didn't expect it from him.

"Well that's not really fair now is it? I can't reciprocate, you've got no social media presence whatsoever!" he finds that funny, letting out a deep chuckle and tucking his phone away in his back pocket.

"Maybe so, but that imbalance is hardly my fault. Besides, you've read all my dissertations apparently..."

"Bastard" I joke, slamming my laptop shut and throwing a pen from his desk at him so that it lightly bounces off the top of his head.

"Hey, there's no need for violence Y/N!" he rubs the spot beneath his curls, "Maybe it's time you took a break actually?" he says, sitting himself back down on the sofa.

I was reluctant to admit it but he was right. My eyes were starting to go a little fuzzy after looking at the screen for so long. I stand up and stretch my arms out above my head, feeling my spine stretch out after sitting for so long, letting out a low groan. Spencer waves me over to the sofa and I join him.

"How about we go back to basics?" Spencer asks with a small grin, and I can't help but let out a long sigh.

"I thought I was taking a break, no more questions" he just laughs at me,

"Relax, you're not that interesting, it's just a simple question." he states, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to find it funny or offensive

"Ugh, fine, shoot"

"Well, actually it's two questions" he corrects, "what's your favorite movie, and what's your favorite snack?"

I'm confused mostly by the fact that it actually is a simple question, I was expecting something a lot more contentious, but also because he looks eager to know the answer.

"I'm not really sure what my favorite movie is to be honest, one of them is Night of the Living Dead?"

He nods to himself, and jots it down in the notebook again, "Alright, I can make that work" he stands up off the sofa before turning back to me, "and snack?"

"Peanut butter cups I guess?" I respond and he grins ear to ear, which is a completely new sight, and I like it way more than I thought I would.

"Perfect, gimme 2 minutes!" he leaves the living room and wanders towards the kitchen.

Spencer returns a few minutes later with a DVD, a packet of peanut butter cups , and a thick knitted blanket gathered in his arms. He drapes the blanket over me and gently places the peanut butter cups on top of it before popping the DVD into the player and sitting down beside me. I'm not really sure how to process any of the situation. Am I about to watch a movie on Spencer Reid's sofa? Sitting next to Spencer Reid?

"I... I, uh, thought you were just asking for your notes?" I ask, pointing at the notebook resting in his lap. He picks it up and throws it onto the coffee table.

"Sometimes I find experience is the best teacher, don't you?" he asks before pressing play, “And besides, it should keep you quiet for a whole 96 minutes” of course.

I can only nod in agreement, I'm not really sure what I'll say if I try to speak. I get myself cosy under the warm blanket and we watch the movie in near silence.

Once the credits roll Spencer finally speaks up, "I actually went to see a screening of this last month downtown, there was this little old horror movie fest-" I cut him off without really realizing, I'm just strangely excited that we've genuinely got something in common.

"Holy shit, I was there!" I say, more enthusiastic than the situation calls for.

He laughs at my excitement, "Well, I guess we have more overlap than I thought, that should probably help with the whole charade." he stretches his arms up over his head and let's out a small, gentle yawn. I'd been enjoying myself more than I thought I would, or would ever tell Spencer, that I'd almost forgotten that we'd both been on a case for almost every waking moment of the past week. I really should feel a lot more drained than I do.

I was just after midnight when I suggested that I head back home. I offered to take some of the books home to work on throughout the weekend but Spencer insisted that I just work on them whenever I came over again. I sort of felt like I should thank him for the evening when I was on my way out the door, or give him a quick hug, no that felt wrong. In the end all I could really muster was a lousy, "goodnight" and a meek wave on my way out the door before I drove home. And couldn't get to sleep.

— —

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[meirmakesstuff]

1/2 Hi Meir! I saw your answer on WWC, and since you mentioned you're professionals, I figured I'd ask directly: I'm writing a second world fantasy with a jewish coded people. I want to be clear in the coding but avoid the "if there's no egypt, how can there be passover?" so I called them Canaanites. I thought I was being clever by hinting in the naming that the whole region does exist, but I've since read that it might've been a slur in fact? Do you have any advice on this?

2/2 I did consider calling the group in question Jewish, but aside from how deeply Judaism is connected to the history of the Israelites, I haven't used any present-day real-world names for any other group, (I did use some historic names like Nubia). I feel like calling only one group of people by their currently used name would be othering rather than inclusive? Or am I overthinking this?

Okay so I want to start out with some disclaimers, first that although WWC recently reblogged an addition of mine to one of their posts, I am not affiliated with @writingwithcolor​, and second that the nature of trying to answer a question like this is “two Jews, three opinions,” so what I have to say about this is my own opinion(s) only. Last disclaimer: this is a hard question to address, so this answer is going to be long. Buckle up.

First, I would say that you’re right to not label the group in question “Jewish” (I’ll get to the exception eventually), and you’re also right in realizing that you should not call them “Canaanites.” In Jewish scripture, Canaanites are the people we fought against, not ourselves, so that wouldn’t feel like representation but like assigning our identity to someone else, which is a particular kind of historical violence Jews continue to experience today. I’ll get back to the specific question of naming in a moment, but because this is my blog and not WWC, and you asked me to speak to this as an educator, we’re going to take a detour into Jewish history and literary structure before we get back to the question you actually asked.

To my mind there are three main ways to have Jews in second-world fantasy and they are:

People who practice in ways similar to modern real-world Jews, despite having developed in a different universe,

People who practice in ways similar to ancient Hebrews, because the things that changed us to modern Jewish practice didn’t occur, and

People who practice in a way that shows how your world would influence the development of a people who started out practicing like ancient Hebrews and have developed according to the world they’re in. 

The first one is what we see in @shiraglassman​‘s Mangoverse series: there is no Egypt yet her characters hold a seder; the country coded Persian seems to bear no relation to their observance of Purim, and there is no indication of exile or diaspora in the fact that Jews exist in multiple countries and cultures, and speak multiple languages including Yiddish, a language that developed through a mixture of Hebrew and German. Her characters’ observance lines up approximately with contemporary Reform Jewish expectations, without the indication of there ever having been a different practice to branch off from. She ignores the entire question of how Jews in her universe became what they are, and her books are lyrical and sweet and allow us to imagine the confidence that could belong to a Jewish people who weren’t always afraid.

Shira is able to pull this off, frankly, because her books are not lore-heavy. I say this without disrespect--Shira often refers to them as “fluffy”--but because the deeper you get into the background of your world and its development, the trickier this is going to be to justify, unless you’re just going to just parallel every historical development in Jewish History, including exile and diaspora across the various nations of your world, including occasional near-equal treatment and frequent persecution, infused with a longing for a homeland lost, or a homeland recently re-established in the absolutely most disappointing of ways.

Without that loss of homeland or a Mangoverse-style handwaving, we have the second and third options. In the second option, you could show your Jewish-coded culture having never been exiled from its homeland, living divided into tribes each with their own territory, still practicing animal, grain, and oil sacrifice at a single central Temple at the center of their nation, overseen by a tribe that lacks territory of their own and being supported by the sacrifices offered by the populace.

If you’re going to do that, research it very carefully. A lot of information about this period is drawn from scriptural and post-scriptural sources or from archaeological record, but there’s also a lot of Christian nonsense out there assigning weird meanings and motivations to it, because the Christian Bible takes place during this period and they chose to cast our practices from this time as evil and corrupt in order to magnify the goodness of their main character. In any portrayal of a Jewish-coded people it’s important to avoid making them corrupt, greedy, bigoted, bloodthirsty, or stubbornly unwilling to see some kind of greater or kinder truth about the world, but especially if you go with this version. 

The last option, my favorite but possibly the hardest to do, is to imagine how the people in the second option would develop given the influences of the world they’re in. Do you know why Chanukah is referred to as a “minor” holiday? The major holidays are the ones for which the Torah specifies that we “do not work:” Rosh Hashannah, Yom Kippur, and the pilgrimage holidays of Sukkot, Passover, and Shavuot. Chanukah developed as a holiday because the central temple, the one we made those pilgrimages to, was desecrated by the invading Assyrian Greeks and we drove them out and were able to re-establish the temple. That time. Eventually, the Temple was razed and we were scattered across the Roman Empire, developing the distinct Jewish cultures we see today. The Greeks and Romans aren’t a semi-mythologized ancient people, the way the Canaanites have been (though there’s increasing amounts of archaeology shedding light on what they actually might have been like), we have historical records about them, from them. The majority of modern Jewish practice developed from the ruins of our ancient practices later than the first century CE. In the timeline of Jewish identity, that’s modern.

The rabbinic period and the Temple period overlap somewhat, but we’re not getting into a full-scale history lesson here. Suffice it to say that it was following the loss of the sacrificial system at the central Temple that Judaism coalesced an identity around verbal prayer services offered at the times of day when we would previously have offered sacrifices, led each community by its own learned individual who became known as a rabbi. We continued to develop in relationship with the rest of the world, making steps toward gender equality in the 1970s and LGBT equality in the 2000s, shifting the meaning of holidays like Tu Bishvat to address climate change, debating rulings on whether one may drive a car on Shabbat for the sake of being with one’s community, and then pivoting to holding prayer services daily via Zoom.

The history of the Jews is the history of the world.  Our iconic Kol Nidrei prayer, the centerpiece of the holiest day of the year, that reduces us to tears every year at its first words, was composed in response to the Spanish Inquisition. The two commentators who inform our understanding of scripture--the ones we couldn’t discuss Torah without referencing even if we tried--wrote in the 11th and 12th centuries in France and Spain/Egypt. Jewish theology and practice schismed into Orthodox and Reform (and later many others) because that’s the kind of discussion people were into in the 19th century. Sephardim light Chanukah candles in an outdoor lamp while Ashkenazim light Chanukah candles in an indoor candelabrum because Sephardim developed their traditions in the Middle East and North Africa and the Ashkenazim developed our traditions in freezing Europe. There are works currently becoming codified into liturgy whose writers died in 2000 and 2011. 

So what are the historical events that would change how your Jewish-coded culture practices, if they don’t involve loss of homeland and cultural unity? What major events have affected your world? If there was an exile that precipitated an abandonment of the sacrificial system, was there a return to their land, or are they still scattered? Priority one for us historically has been maintaining our identity and priority two maintaining our practices, so what have they had to shift or create in order to keep being a distinct group? Is there a major worldwide event in your world? If so, how did this people cope?

If you do go this route, be careful not to fall into tropes of modern or historical antisemitism: don’t have your culture adopt a worldview that has their deity split into mlutiple identities (especially not three). Don’t have an oppressive government that doesn’t represent its people rise up to oppress outsiders within its borders (this is not the first time this has occurred in reality, but because the outside world reacts differently to this political phenomenon when it’s us than when it’s anyone else, it’s a portrayal that makes real-life Jews more vulnerable). And don’t portray the people as having developed into a dark and mysterious cult of ugly, law-citing men and beautiful tearstreaked women, but it doesn’t sound as if you were planning to go there.

So with all that said, it’s time to get back to the question of names. All the above information builds to this: how you name this culture depends on how you’ve handled their practice and identity. 

Part of why Shira Glassman’s handwaving of the question of how modern Jewish practice ended up in Perach works is that she never gives a name to the religion of her characters. Instead, she names the regions they come from. Perach, in particular, the country where most of the action takes place, translates to “Flower.” In this case, her Jewish-coded characters who come from Perach are Perachis, and characters from other places who are also Jewish are described as “they worship as Perachis do despite their different language” or something along those lines (forgive me, Shira, for half-remembering).

So that’s method one: find an attribute of your country that you’d like to highlight, translate it into actual Hebrew, and use that as your name.

Method two is the opposite: find a name that’s been used to identify our people or places (we’ve had a bunch), find out what it means or might mean in English, and then jiggle that around until it sounds right for your setting. You could end up with the nation of the Godfighters, or Children of Praise, The Wanderers (if they’re not localized in a homeland), The Passed-Over, Those From Across The River, or perhaps the people of the City of Peace.

Last, and possibly easiest, pick a physical attribute of their territory and just call them that in English. Are they from a mountainous region? Now they’re the Mountain People. Does their land have a big magical crater in the middle? Craterfolk. Ethereal floating forests of twinkling lights? It’s your world.

The second option is the only one that uses the name to overtly establish Jewish coding. The first option is something Jews might pick up on, especially if they speak Hebrew, but non-Jews would miss. The third avoids the question and puts the weight of conveying that you’re trying to code them as Jewish on their habits and actions.

There’s one other option that can work in certain types of second-world fantasy, and that’s a world that has developed from real-world individuals who went through some kind of portal. That seems to me the only situation in which using a real-world name like Jews, Hebrews, or Israelites would make sense. Jim Butcher does this with the Romans in the Codex Alera series, and Katharine Kerr does it with Celts in the Deverry cycle. That kind of thing has to be baked into the world-building, though, so it probably doesn’t help with this particular situation. 

This is a roundabout route to what I imagine you were hoping would be an easier answer. The tension you identified about how to incorporate Jewishness into a world that doesn’t have the same history is real, and was the topic of a discussion I recently held with a high school age group around issues of Jewish representation in the media they consume and hope to create. Good luck in your work of adding to the discussion.

#Ask #kermab #Meir Makes Stuff #Writing #jewish representation #Fantasy Writing #fantasy fiction #Mangoverse #Meir Makes Long Posts

[glitchstoxicwaste]

Hi, I was wondering if I could have a matchup?

I'm 21. I'm a 5’5” female. My star sign is Leo. I have brown wavy hair that goes down to my hips and brown eyes. I'm in the weird middle area between chubby and skinny but I'm more on the chubby side. My aesthetic is cottagecore. I'm a very down-to-earth person, who doesn't care how you look as long as you are a good person.

I've been described as a kid wrangler at the church I go to because I'm one of the few there that the kids listen to. I don't care about fancy clothes or things unless it's a gift and then I cherish it. I have ADD so my attention span isn't the best and I tend to go on tangents about things I love. I'm a very touchy-feely person and will cuddle up to someone as long as they are either a family member, a friend, or a significant other.

Animals love me and I love animals as well. I love to go on hikes to see waterfalls and caverns a lot. I also like to read, write, cook, and do embroidery. I've learned to take some of the skills I've learned from embroidery and use them to sew up any clothes that need to be fixed or patched up. I'm a pretty good cook but I'm not that great at baking. I can make pies, cookies, and muffins but that's the extent of my baking skills.

In a relationship, I'm not clingy, even though one of my ex’s tried to make me. I'm loyal to a fault and would never cheat. I do tend to come across as flirty though most of the time I don't even realize I'm flirting with someone. My love language is physical touch and acts of service.

My first matchup! Also can I just say I love your personality and style? It’s adorable in all honesty! I hope you like your slasher! Definitely an adorable couple!

I match you with:

Thomas Hewitt!

You being a Leo and him a Cancer make you both similar! Loyalty, commitment, family, trust, and emotional safety are a huge thing for you both! The second you both become family for one another it means hurt them or feel the wrath!

Your kind nature makes him and his family trust you more, he trusts you to the point he keeps his mask off most of the time.

Luda Mae loves how your able to help fix up clothing if any got ripped, taking some stress off of her.

Hoyt will take advantage of your ability to get kids to trust you, but he can get pissy when you lead families away because you have a bigger heart than him.

Hoyt will also dry to get you to drink with him saying things like: “You’re 21 now, getting black out drunk is legal now, try it!” -I do not condone the use of alcohol for any reason-

Your height difference with Thomas causes him to be careful, will pick you up if you let him and treats you like glass, so tiny and kind, must be protected.

Your body type doesn’t matter to him, how he sees you is an amazing, kind, generous person with a big heart. But it is a bonus because there’s more to hug, he won’t feel like he’s breaking a toothpick, but is still gentle with you.

He feels guilty though, his family aren’t good people, and their food is human flesh, see he was worried you would love him for that, but he will be damned if Hoyt says something stupid and hurts you, Thomas will put an end to that ASAP.

Whenever your outside he will stare into your eyes, they glow and shimmer beautifully, and depending on the type of brown they may look like bright pools of honey in the sunlight, he’s entranced by your beauty and personality.

Adores running his fingers through your hair if you let him, when given permission he will happily play with your hair.

Luda Mae adores your long hair, she will ask constantly if she can do anything with it to put it up or make it look nice with outfits you put on.

Whenever you talk about the things you love Thomas will listen in and make mental notes of things he will get for you on special days or to just show you he loves you.

He doesn’t mind the ADD, he thinks it’s cute when you’re trying to focus on something but then another catches your eye and you look over at it and loose track of the previous thing.

Your tochy-feely nature makes him flustered, but also makes him melt. He’s not used to physical affection and he loves it a lot, any time you want a hug he is more than willing to embrace you tightly.

At night he adores cuddling you, when you hold onto him and nuzzle into him he gets this feeling of security and protectiveness, he feels so comfortable with you.

Your love for animals is something that makes his heart melt, how you can hold nuts out to a chipmunk and it climbs right into your hand, it’s too cute for him to handle.

On days he doesn’t have to do anything he will happily go on a hike with you, take you on a picnic in places he knows like the back of his hand, and with your love of cooking, both you and Luda Mae most likely made the Picnic food together so you both have something you enjoy.

Loves to sit in fields with you as you read a book and he naps with his head on your lap, the outdoors and fresh air clearing your minds.

Luda Mae will happily teach you how to bake a lot of things, family recipes passed down for generations, her way of accepting you as part of the family instantly.

Your loyalty to Thomas makes Luda Mae proud, happy for her son to have found someone like you, plus how you’re style is like theirs in a way it makes her more happy that he didn’t fall for some “no good city slicker that’ll break his heart and her own high heels while walking away.”

Thomas kinda likes that you aren’t clingy, but he doesn’t understand your flirting all too well, he’s never been flirted with and so just assumes your complimenting him a lot, which then makes him flustered, especially if you grab his hand while doing so.

#slasher x reader #slasher x s/o #slasher x y/n #slasher x you #slashers x reader #slashers x y/n #slashers x you #slasher #slasher fucker #slashers #thomas hewitt #thomas hewitt x y/n #thomas hewitt x you #thomas hewitt x reader #slashers matchups #thomas Hewitt matchups

[shire-snail]

On this day last year I finished The Untamed for the first time :')

It is one of the greatest stories I've ever been told. It has been such a source of strength and refuge and joy. I am so, so grateful to get to carry this story with me forever now. I know I will always treasure it dearly.

I learned something from nearly every character on this show. And it made me feel seen in a way that I didn't know was possible. It still does. It broke open so many barriers for me... before this show I could not watch things that touched my grief and loss too exactly, I couldn't look at them directly, but this show led me through that place. It gave me language for that loss, even if it's in a language I don't speak. It's the only show or media I don't resent for taking that loss back, for the characters getting a second chance. Before, I hated that trope when I'd see it, it would make me feel so angry and hurt that I immediately hated whatever that media was... because I won't have that chance. But this show helps me feel that, in a way, I do. Even if that person for me is gone and won't come back, I can have second chance with someone else. I think, before this show, I had a much harder time having any hope that was something that could happen, let alone be something that could be so beautiful and comfortable. And that I, like Lan Wangji, could live up to what that person needed me to be this time, to what I want to be. And that, like for Wei Wuxian, there is hope after devastating loss and anger and resentment, there is a part of me too that is undaunted and will be held, protected, and loved, by someone who sees me. That second chance is both real and not real for me, but this show gives me so much more hope in the future I have found myself in.

And as a queer ace person, this could be a whole other post and someone should do that please, seeing the depth of love and intimacy on CQL that's portrayed outside of heteronormativity and even allonormativity, it's absolutely revolutionary and so, so comforting. There's hope there for the kind of love I want to have, that truly I've never seen anywhere else like it.

I'm just so grateful to that show. To the characters. To the writers, to the cast and crew. My life is so much better because this exists. Because I have been told this story, and I don't plan on forgetting it. I think it has changed my heart so totally, I am sure I never will. I can't wait to see how my relationship with it continues to grow and change over the years. It blasted a hole in my heart to the utmost sacredest of chambers, where previously only Lord of the Rings lived. I've had that story for almost 2 decades. I know what it's like for it to line that heart-chamber so comfortably, to be an inextricable foundation of who I have become. I'm awed and humbled and amazingly thankful to have CQL in that space now too, and help to shape me so significantly in the years to come.

Thank you so much to everyone here for indulging and encouraging this love, for all the things everyone makes or says around it, it is such a privilege to get to hold this show with you.

I hope tomorrow I'll finish my CQL anniversary gift (to myself? to tumblr? to my friends?) I've been working on throughout this last year. It has been such a joy. It means so much.

谢谢你们

Thank you.

#the untamed #cql #pds #grief #ace #mdzs #thank you for listening <3

[royaletiquette]

for Hibiko:

what’s one thing they’ve done that they’re the most proud of?

how many languages do they speak? would they like to learn more?

why types of books do they read? do they have a favorite?

do they play any instruments? if not, would they like to learn one?

what’s their favorite method of self-care?

Development Q's

what’s one thing they’ve done that they’re the most proud of?

I struggled with this one the most lol. Maybe not the most proud of, but Hibiko would be dammed if she let someone downplay the fact that she practically taught herself ballet. Out of sheer determination and desire to prove that it was worth her doing. Hibiko learned the terms, the history, the methods of teaching/learning, who the best of the best is, and what their story was. Then to put her knowledge to practice and practice and practice. She was of course heartbroken at the time to learn no one else seemed to care or reward her for the hard work, but Hibiko now looks on it proudly and will stretch just to prove she can.

how many languages do they speak? would they like to learn more?

Canonically, Hibiko would know fluent Japanese, Mandarin, and English and could get decently far with Korean but can't read or write it. Those are of course mainly because of location, and the more wealthy countries mostly speak English. She has a very basic knowledge of romance languages like Spanish and French. Mostly just greetings and stuff like that so she can show she's being polite. I think it's worth noting her accent however would leave much to be desired. Outside her main three, she has to speak slowly to be understood properly. Even her Mandarin and English can be difficult to follow on the occasion.

what types of books do they read? do they have a favorite?

Ignoring everything outside of what she reads because she's told, and probably ignoring the obvious romance, because oh my god we get it, Hibiko would be fairly into reading more feminist, lesbian authors. I think radical is too extreme of a word, but it would be different for sure from what else she reads in terms of content and perspective. Hibiko wouldn't have had a rebellious stage in her teenage years, but she would have certainly gotten more in touch with her femininity outside of dressing the part, so she would have turned to books to kind of understand those building blocks. Unfortunately, I can't say a favorite because I don't know how to read, so that's very out of my realm. She would probably favor stuff from Sylvia Plath is my guess? It's something I've been meaning to figure out myself, but again, it would take a lot of educating on my side first.

do they play any instruments? if not, would they like to learn one?

Hibiko is well trained in piano and still has lessons once a week to keep up her muscle memory. Outside of that, she will play it for herself sometimes, maybe a couple times a month just out of enjoyment. She likes to play the waltz and slower pieces. She originally wanted to learn violin, just likes how it sounds. However, her parents said the piano was better for conversation and entertainment. She was promised if she learned piano first, she could learn violin after, but surprise surprise, it never happened and she stopped asking.

what’s their favorite method of self-care?

Ultimately, being selfish with her time. She doesn't have a very stressful or busy life, so she doesn't tend to need time set aside to relax and recuperate. Hibiko does however need time set aside to do whatever she wants. Whether that's reading a trashy novel, walking a trail with Alfred, or exploring the city. So long as she's allowing herself to take a break from responsibilities and ignoring the impending weight on her shoulders.

#nezumivc103221 #kokoheadcanon #world building

[sword-brainrot]

Hi! If matchups are still open, could I get one please? I'm fine with any but tantous. I'm Bee, 25, plus size, she/they. I like to write, cook, and garden! I'm very passionate about food, manga, and stories. I get no greater joy than seeing someone eat something I've made for them. My love language is acts of service. I'm easily startled and I tend to yell when i get excited or scared. I also get hurt a lot for some reason! O hope this is enough. :3 thanks!

When I got down to the final pick, I kept biting my lip because all three would seem to have such an interesting dynamic with you. It was so hard to pick just one!

I Match You With...

🌸 Koryuu Kagemitsu 🌸

♡  First off, let me say how interesting it was when two of your matches ended up being characters associated with dragons. I thought that was just so cool. Dragon characters just love you, I guess!

♡  All three of your picks are slow burn. None of them would tell you how they feel off the bat and it would take them a very long time to let you in. However, you seem like someone who is very patient and kind, which makes you one of the few people they fall for.

♡  Out of all three, Koryuu is one of the most difficult to get close to. Shizukagata and Ookurikara would actively push you away but Koryuu is someone who is pretty friendly and sociable. 

♡  He is the type of person that you feel like you are getting closer to him and maybe actually becoming his friend, but at a certain point you hit a wall in getting close to him. 

♡  Koryuu is a sword that has been passed down through many masters and adventuring far and wide through Japan. Some were well-known. Others were faceless and now forgotten in history for only him to remember. He has grown used to never having a permanent home or master to call his own.

♡  He starts off seeing you as just another master that he will lose. Better not get too attached.

♡   The friendship into relationship really starts to bloom the one day he had kitchen duty and you were joining him. Koryuu can’t cook, nor would he ever claim to have interest in the activity. 

♡  That was the reason why you were on duty with him. You are an amazing cook and you can make sure he doesn’t burn down the kitchen.

♡  It was that day, he found himself watching /you/ cook more than helping. An Audience member and a conversation and not a kitchen assistant.

♡  To his surprise... He found himself having fun. Enjoying talking to you one on one, seeing your more passionate side. However the voice telling him that this wouldn’t last still lingered in the back of his mind. A façade of a smile appearing to not alarm the other person of the sudden thoughts that entered his mind. 

♡  He thought that would be it. Just that one cooking job and going back to his normal daily citadel life.

♡  But then you showed up with a handmade dish you made just for him to thank him for help. Help? He didn’t do anything but talk! Yet your kind soul wished to give him a special gift for just being there.

♡  If you thought he was shocked when you gave him the food, you should have seen when he took the first bite. Heaven. Total shock then bliss realizing how amazing it tasted.

♡   Ever since then, he began to get curious about you. Nothing wrong with that, ya? He had a good idea of his previous masters... so why not learn about his newest one. 

♡   He found himself signing up for field work more often to help get his saniwa ingredients for their hobby and so they could cook more often outside dinner plans for all the swords. 

♡  Thanks to one of his earlier masters, he was pretty damn good at gardening.

♡  That is how he learned you also had a hobby of gardening. 

♡   So busy in your own work that you didn’t even notice him come up behind you. A shriek coming from your vocal cords as you felt a hand on your back and a friendly, “Hey!”

♡  An apology? No... A laugh followed your scream. He thought it was the funniest thing ever that he started to fall over and laugh. A new person to tease was added to his list. 

♡  Much like the first time the two hung out, conversation flowed naturally and filled the busy work. However, this time the little dragon was helping his master. 

♡  Conversation consisted of topics about food where you would gush about different meals you could make from everything you garden here and how more you adored seeing people eat what you made. 

♡  To Koryuu suddenly confessing that he really liked reading the manga in the citadel because many of the stories made him think of his past masters.

♡  He became addicted to talking and sharing things with you. For once, that voice in his head was starting to quiet down as you looked at him with eyes that were getting blinded from the overhead sun. Yet he still thought you were the most darling thing... even covered in all that mud.

♡  The voice was so quiet that he even ended confessing something he never told anyone; He became so inspired from the manga, that he started to write his own story. It was about a little dragon that went through all of Japan, looking for his one true master. However it was still unfinished. 

♡  When you ended up getting hurt in the kitchen with him around, he quickly takes you to the infirmary and patches you up. All the while lecturing you about how careful you had to be, what was he suppose to do? Was he suppose to go looking for another master because you got badly hurt?

♡  He couldn’t do that now. No. He refused to let that happen. 

♡   “Because you are /my/ master, I am going to make sure any wound you get is getting treated right away and to protect you from any harm. Aren’t you lucky to have such a gorgeous dragon around, aruji?”

♡  After he goes on his kiwame adventure and comes home: he gifts you not only his new appearance, but with a story book written by him and illustrated by him (all oil painted). The last page was him coming home after a long adventure to a person that looked an awfully lot like you.

♡  Only then, when he was positive in his resolution, he cupped your face and said, “Aruji, I have gone from master to master. I never had a home that lasted long. So even if I have to leave you, I want to be there the whole way. It so happens to be that you are my one true master that I love.”

Top Three Picks: Koryuu Kagemitsu, Ookurikara, Shizukagata Naginata

#Matchups #Touken Ranbu #Touken Danshi #Tourabu #Touken Ranbu Headcanons #touken ranbu imagines #Touken Ranbu x Reader #TKRB #TKRB Headcanons #TKRB Imagines #TKRB x Reader #Koryuu Kagemitsu #Koryuu Kagemitsu x Reader

[pretoriafics]

Russian Roulette - Pt. 4

In this series, you will find: Alternative Universe, Soulmate plot, Angst, Fluff. In this chapter, you will find: Things finally make sense, and now you can fight. Word count: 2.069 Pairings: Reader x Platonic! Scott and Stiles Original characters of this chapter: Haytham, your brand new mentor. Warnings: English is not my main language <3 Yeah, it was based on Russian Roulette by Rihanna Russian Roulette series: Chapter Three | Chapter Five RUSSIAN ROULETTE MASTERLIST TEEN WOLF MASTERLIST

It wasn't hard to find the address the lady wrote you. That address took you to the limits of Beacon Hills, in a lonely and old church on the top of a hill. The wooden doors were open, so you came in.

"Hello? Mr. Haytham Conwell?"

You aren't seeing anybody. Actually, the church was pretty silent. Maybe you came to the wrong place...

"I've never seen you here."

You turn and see an old man, with an eyeglass on his face. He seems so confused as you.

"Oh, hi, good morning!" You give him a smile "I'm (Y/N). Do you know where I can find Mr. Haytham Conwell?"

"I am Haytham Conwell, lady. What do you need in the lord's house?"

Oh, you found him!

"Someone told me you can help me to find answers."

"What kind of answers?"

"A few friends of mine were hiding a secret, but now..." You let out a long sigh "I think this secret is worse than I thought. I mean, maybe you'll think I'm insane and-"

"Who sent you here?"

His expression became darker and, despite thinking about how an old priest could help you, you tell him the story about the ginger woman at the restaurant. Haytham's eyes become wider, scared.

"Show me your arms." He said, commanding.

You look at him, completely confused. What does he want to see in your arms?

"What?"

"Now!"

It was your turn to widen your eyes. You take off your jacket and show your empty arms for him. Haytham narrowed his eyes. To see your arms wasn't enough for him.

"Follow me." He ordered.

Without saying any word more, you'd followed him through the spiral stairs, going upstairs. He pulls an old key from his pocket and opened an old wooden door, revealing a huge library. Haytham points to a mirror that was close to a few tables.

"Go there, to the mirror. I need to see your back."

You blink your eyes repeatedly, without understanding why he needs all of this. Well, considering that a lot of things you don't understand have been happening, you had just obeyed him. You stopped in front of the mirror and Haytham stopped close to you, pulling your shirt a little up.

"Ha! I knew it the moment I saw you! The Devil's Mark!"

Your eyes go to the mirror.

"Oh my God. I haven't seen it before."

It was red lines through your spine, just like someone had slid nails on your skin. However, that lines were forming a quote. Haytham read it.

"Ad Lunae Lumina!"

You pull your shirt down, scared.

"What does it mean?"

"It means 'In the Moonlight', in Latin. Selene let a mark on you. More will be appearing with the time. Your mark is still being created. When it finishes, it will be like this."

Haytham pulls his shirt up and shows you his mark. However, his marks were different: Instead of red lines, he had black lines - just like a tattoo, with the same quote as you.

You sat on the chair close to you. What the hell?!

"What are all of this? I can't understand!"

He pulls his shirt down and sits in the chair in front of you.

"One step at the time, child. I think you should learn the basics first. The ginger woman was the only strange thing you saw?"

You denied with a shake of your head and begun to tell about the things that happened on the night of the party. He hit the table, making you jump in the chair.

"Werewolves!"

"I thought werewolves were just Hollywood things."

"No, they're not. Stay away from that friend of yours, stay away from Derek. They are Devil servants. I know it, I've been fighting against these creatures my entire life."

"But they saved my life!"

"They just want to kill you themselves! Never, ever, believe them. Come on, I'll show you something."

He got up from the chair and begun to walk between the bookshelves while you were following him. Haytham stopped in front of a huge bookshelf. He pulls a book, and both bookshelves open like a door. You'd never thought things like that would be in a church.

"Wow."

When the secret door was open, you saw an entire gun arsenal. Guns, grenades... Haytham has even swords! He looks at you.

"I'll give you a few books. You'll come here every day. I'll teach you to defend yourself and things you need to know about werewolves. Do you know how to shoot with a gun?"

"...No."

Haytham took a dagger and gave it to you. Then, he took a small gun.

"I gave you a silver dagger. Silver can harm them. This gun has silver bullets. Come on, I'll teach you to shoot."

.

"He's outside, and he wants to kill us!"

Scott wasn't sure about what else he could create to hide the fact that he, Lydia, Jackson, Allison, and Stiles were trapped in a school with a crazy Alpha. So, he lied and told that Derek was trying to kill all of them.

Desperate dominated the entire classroom they were trapped in.

"I'll call the police." Said Lydia, taking her phone.

"No!"

Stiles went in her direction, but Jackson held him. Suddenly, someone knocks on the door.

"Scott, I'd heard your voice. Open it! I'd received your message, what the hell is happening?"

Damn, it was you! Scott's heart almost stopped while he runs to the door to open for you. He pulls you inside of the room and closes the door.

"I- Hey! What are you doing?!"

"Keeping you safe!"

"Safe of what?"

"I didn't send you that message."

"...Oh. We're in trouble, aren't we?"

"Yeah."

"Fortunately, I'd brought my gun."

"Your- what?!"

You take the gun you earned from Haytham.

"My gun."

Stiles widened his eyes, while Allison let out a long sigh of relief.

"Thank god!"

Stiles comes close to you and Scott.

"Where did you got this gun? It's from Sebastian?"

"Maybe. Or maybe not." You gave them a smile "Who's trying to kill us?"

"Derek." You heard Jackson say.

You looked to Stiles and Scott. You have been visiting Haytham since last week, so you had learned a few things. You know, now, that there's some Alpha killing people in the city - the same who had tried to kill you. Considering that Scott and Stiles were there, and considering that you saw Derek's car outside, all you can conclude that was the Alpha was in the school.

"We thought that maybe we could get out of here through the ladder." You heard Allison say, pointing to the door close to you. Then, Lydia completed the info:

"But it's locked. We need the keys."

You cross your arms.

"Do you guys know where the keys are?"

"I know." You heard Scott say.

"Okay, here's the plan: You, you, you, and you," You said, pointing your finger to Stiles, Jackson, Lydia, and Allison "You stay here because we need to be discreet. Scott go take the keys and I'll cover him."

Allison got a step forward.

"No, he can't. It's too dangerous!"

Scott goes to Allison, trying to calm her down while Stiles goes talk to you.

"(Y/N) let Scott take the keys alone. You don't know what are you dealing with, you don't understand."

"Yeah Stiles, I know about what I'm dealing with. It isn't Derek."

Stiles looks at you, with his face becoming pale. Scott, with a completely terrified Allison in his arms, looks at you with the same amazement. That moment, they realized you found out the truth you were looking for. Then, you look for everyone.

"Someone should call the police. It will make him run."

Yeah, it could make sense. The Alpha wouldn't do anything with a lot of humans around. It could attract too much attention and too many hunters.

Lydia took her phone and begun to call someone. You opened the door and walk to the corridor, loading your gun with some bullets. Scott came and closes the door, and now you were completely alone with him.

"How did you found out about everything? It was from that day in the woods?" He asked, curious, while you were walking with him.

"Yeah, kind of. I met a guy who taught me a few things. He thinks you're a killer or something, but I disagree with him. You saved my life. I owe you one, puppy." You said, giving him a sweet smile. He smiles at you too. "Who's your Alpha?"

"It's complicated..."

"Oh. Got it. Where Are the keys?"

"I think it's here." Scott opens the door to the gymnasium and points his finger to the stands. "I'll take the keys. Wait here. Shout if you need something."

"If I need protection I'll shoot." You smiled at him. "Don't worry about me."

Scott goes to take the keys under the stands while you watch the environment around you, with your gun in your hands. A few seconds later, full of tension, you heard Scott.

"Found it!"

"Okay, come back, and let's get the hell outta here."

Suddenly, the stands began to close. Your heart almost stopped, while you look around, looking for something that could help Scott.

"Scott, hurry!!"

You saw Scott run in your direction, trying to escape being smashed by the stands. You gave him your hand and when he finally holds it, you pull him. Both of you fell on the floor, and the stands close.

"Damn!" You said, putting yourself on foot "You okay?"

"Yeah, you okay?"

"Yeah." You let out a long sigh "Let's go."

You and Scott began to walk in the classroom direction but, then, you saw the Alpha. It was on four paws, roaring for both of you. You took your gun up, ready to shoot, but Scott put his hand on your arm.

"Take the keys and go."

"No, I'll not leave you."

"You haven't a chance against him, you'll die!"

"But I have special bullets and some tricks."

"(Y/N), please, there's no time to be stubborn!"

The Alpha got a few steps forward and let out a roar. Scott fell on the floor, yelling in pain. He was in mutation. Damn. But you had an idea.

"Hey, moron!" You yelled in the Alpha's direction. You pull the trigger, shooting against it. He deflects of the shoot, stop roaring. Scott stopped to yell and seems like he's still under control. "This is for my lost high heels!"

You shoot again, and you hit it that time. The bullet got into the leg of the Alpha, and he let out a roar for you, in angry.

"Yeah, you know you're in trouble." You said, with your eyes narrowed. "Do you want more wolfsbane bullets? I have a lot of them to you."

Then, you shoot again, and surprisingly the Alpha back off. Scott stands up, with a heavy breath, and you shoot against the Alpha again. You shoot one, two, three times. It deflects again, letting out a low roar, looking at you. It was a warning, and you knew it.

"You know you have a problem bigger than Scott, don't you? That bullet will kill you."

Yeah, the Alpha knew about it. In a way to save itself from death, the Alpha turns itself and runs out of school. The battle has ended that day, but the war wasn't even close to being won.

"You okay, Scott?"

He was breathing heavily, but he nodded positively.

"Stay here." You said, unsure about how under control Scott was "I'll go to the classroom. Just try to stay calm. You can't lose control, okay?"

Scott nodded again, trying to stay calm. Then, you walked into the classroom's direction and opened the door. Everyone's was looking at you, scared. Allison was the first one to talk.

"Where's Scott?"

"He's fine but nervous. He needs some minutes to breathe. It's okay, guys. We can go now."

All of you heard the police coming. Relieved, everyone got out of the school quickly and terrified. While you were looking for the boys running out of school, again, you remembered the words of that ginger woman.

This truth will change your life forever, and your life will become a truly Russian roulette, girl.

Yeah, you felt a taste of it. But you know what? You kinda like this action.

#teen wolf imagine #teen wolf imagines #teen wolf fics #teen wolf fanfics #teen wolf fanfic #scott mccall x you #scott mccall imagine #scott mccall imagines #scott mccall x reader #scott mccall x y/n #derek hale imagine #derek hale imagines #derek hale x reader #derek hale fanfics #derek hale fanfic #derek hale x you #derek hale x y/n

[real-jane]

20 Questions: Writer’s Edition

Tagged by @adecila <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

46 (22 of which were written between Jan 1 and Dec 31 2020)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

442,892

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

4, 3 on Ao3 - Tin Man, Alice (FFn only), Harry Potter, Star Wars

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

My Insides are Copper (691) (Dramione, hurt/comfort, Complete)

For Science (490) (Dramione, coworkers in love, only-one-bed, One Shot)

Lucky Dog (382) (Sirius/Hermione, marriage law, everyone's an adult, One Shot)

Bodyguard (362) (Dramione, soulmates, WIP)

Stupidity or Serendipity? (345) (Dramione, romantic comedy, Christmas theme, marriage of convenience, Complete)

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Absolutely! I'm so honored when people feel like leaving anything kind to say behind. Even if it's just a few words, I'd rather thank them for taking the time.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i will give all for you - Theo Nott finds out a secret about his father after he dies, and has to face the life he could have had.

I don't write a lot of angsty endings--hardly any, in fact! But that one is as bittersweet as I've ever written.

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Oh, you mean which one gives people cavities? Definitely Stupidity or Serendipity? which I was inspired to write by Hallmark Holiday Rom-Coms

8. Do you write crossovers? If yes, what’s the craziest thing you’ve written?

No, the closest I've come is AU's - one is a Regency/Jane Austen-inspired fic, and one is a medieval royal AU.

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I had someone read 12.5 of 13 chapters of a fic and quit because my main character was "too good at her new job" despite being a person with a massive affinity for learning quickly. I was almost honored that they took the time to write a comment, even if it was a hateful one.

10. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Oh yes--it is typically loving, "it's always been you" type of smut, with a few slightly spicier stories among them!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware, but I did have someone mention seeing one of my fics on another website. My research lead nowhere and I have no idea if it really was stolen.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I had someone ask but I've never gotten confirmation that it ever occurred. I'd be totally honored, but I'm not a well-known author so I'm not counting on it ever happening!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

I've discussed it with a few of my fandom friends, but never anything official. I did use to RP write back in college!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I suppose it's Dramione, if we're talking my longest enduring ship! It's also the one to which I compare all others.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I really wish I had ever had the capacity to finish out The Brink - I started it towards the end of my time in the Tin Man fandom and I was no longer obsessed enough with DG/Cain to see it through. I love the story, such as it is!

16. What’s your writing strengths?

Dialogue - I took extensive playwriting courses in college so I can write dialogue for days on end. I also succeed much more in short-form fics.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Linear plotting. I struggle to see a complex plot through in a way which makes logical sense, especially if I haven't done enough planning. I dream way too big, it's 100% the thing keeping me from ever pursuing writing outside of a hobby. It also means I don't have a large following, and that's ok. I admire writers, especially of fanfic, who can invent full and complex stories without much trouble.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

I have very very minorly dabbled in adding other languages in, and only where it makes sense here and there. I don't feel comfortable doing more than that as someone who speaks only one language fluently.

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter, technically - it was absolutely mary sue fic my friend and I wrote in high school. My first ever published fic was for Tin Man!

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Playing Cyrano (Charlie Weasley/Hermione Granger, friends to lovers, based on Cyrano de Bergerac/Roxanne) - far and away my favorite. Best I've ever felt about my writing, and the payoff of the story!

Tagging anyone else who wants to play!

[lavendersage]

i saw that post from the girl who's girlfriend isn't quite ready to be out. if ur blog didnt seem to celebrate love of all kinds (and i'm not talking straight vs gay, i'm talking happy vs sad) i would have kept this to myself, but between ur response and the op's story itself, i think im going to take this chance of sharing a burden on my heart, maybe to help someone else, or just for the shot at becoming at peace with it. a couple weeks ago, when u asked for everyone to send u stories of their lovers, i wrote most of this out but didnt send it.

i (21F) am a college student (god, is this reddit?). my entire life, i have cultivated the cleanest good girl image that i could. my parents sacrificed so much for my sister and i to grow up far more comfortable then they did, so i have tried to honor them with a little golden child they could brag about. straight As, never missed school, did community service, perfect SATs. i worked tirelessly to be on-paper perfect.

one of the reasons i've worked so hard to earn Good Noodle Stars is to make up for the fact that i am terminally homosexual. i realized real early that i could literally cure cancer and the first comment on the news video will be, "okay, she cured cancer, but at least I'm not gay like she is." i could raise thousands for charity, and my aunts would still say, "our kids may not get off the couch but at least they have sex correctly." so they dont know. few people do, none outside my closest circle.

in walks Mars(21NB). Mars is an anachronism. they are both a romantic with and without a capital R. be still my Dark Academia heart.

we got very close before school broke for Covid. Mars wrote me a letter every other week, encrypted and folded so that the only way to open them was to rip a paper seam that would show if someone had tampered with it. it was intoxicating. it was the first time i felt able to communicate freely about anything. i dont know - i didnt hold back my emotions, emboldened by writing in cipher. i spent all summer waiting for those red sealed envelopes, filled with stories and poetry and honeyed nonsense, and i refused to not respond with mirrored passion.

it was all great until it set in that I was going to have to face Mars again, in person. i prayed our school would decide all students had to stay remote. of course I wanted to see Mars, i want to do much more than just see them, but i knew it would only be a matter of time between us being reunited and them asking me out.

this was a person who crafted a puzzle where the answers were flowers that were a declaration of fidelity in Victorian Flower Language. of course i ate that up with a spoon. u would have too. listen, i know all aesthetics are fads and all fads age badly, but if the cottagecore girls get to learn to sew and bake and grow, i owe dark academia for teaching me the vocabulary and actions of my most treasured relationship yet, and giving me permission to be earnest and vulnerable in this life for 10 goddamn minutes. Mars is handsome and a genius and i was not used to feeling connected to anyone. but for all that joy, i was also drowning with the thought of having to break their heart by explaining i cant date anyone AFAB.

so the semester starts. Mars asks me over for a homecooked meal since restaurants don't exist here at the end of the world. they made me a beautiful dinner with all my dietary needs in mind. just like everything else i ate it up. and i made no effort to stop them from inviting me over for food and conversation again and again and a fourth time just to make sure it really hurt.

they kissed me after the last dinner. and I kissed them back, before stopping. they apologized for moving too quickly, but i explained that they had moved at the perfect pace, just with the wrong person.

there is no nice ending to this. it's real life. Mars took it as a breakup and didnt reach out to me again. i sobbed from halloween to christmas, i swear. i'm the villain in this story.

i started this post off as a sign of solidarity to the other young lady, but now im realizing that this letter would be better read by her fearful beloved, not her. it is 4am where i live, so i apologize if this has all gotten away from me.

love is a garden u have to water yourself. ngl, my favorite part about this blog is all the posts about learning to love yourself, learning to see ur intrinsic value dispite the core facets of u that have been deemed flaws, and trust the relationship between me, myself, and i.

i started out telling myself i was writing this to help the high school kid, but i havent shared this with anyone. writing this out has helped me process a thing or two, or at least start to. i like this idea of lavendersage being a kindly cryptid who will alchemise ur heartache into calm.

i hope you dont mind if i try to make this a thing.

my story is in the shape of a love letter. its tearstained before it even hits the water. i drop it in your river and watch it float away.

y’all are breaking my heart with these stories this week 🤧i feel so sad to read them and so helpless to respond, because i know how deep that pain must run and i don’t know if there’s truly anything i could say or do to take it away. but if i can lessen it from 100 to 99, well, then i’ll have fulfilled my goal of existing on this website. at the very least, i’m glad that writing this message helped you process some things on your own, but i’m happy to share my thoughts anyway.

your mars sounds like a top tier human being. victorian flower language? i’m swooning. it’s no surprise to me that you fell for them, and they were clearly head over heels for you. folks don’t make grand gestures like that for just anyone, that’s for sure 🥺

and i’m very sad to hear about the way things ended. but, anon, i can’t help but wonder if it is indeed over, or if hope exists on the precipice of a great act of bravery performed by you--something i know from experience is much easier said than done, and something i’ve failed to do in the past, so i’m not trying to be a hypocrite here. the ball is definitely in your court, though.

also...it doesn’t sit well with me to hear you call yourself a villain. i understand why you see it that way, as it’s clear that you deeply care for this person. but for many folks...the fear of what our family will say or think or do weighs so heavily on us that it robs us of any possibility of happiness with someone who isn’t the kind of person our family wants us to end up with. i’m sure plenty of folks, myself included, can empathize with this. and i’m sure on some level, mars does too.

my love, as with all things, i hope whatever happens next works out for the best, and that you don’t let this experience darken your heart. if things change between you and mars, please feel free to drop me a note. i’ll always be here to listen 💚💚💚`

#asks #Anonymous

[missmorosis]

heyy I was wandering if I could have a valentine's day event for atla 👉👈

I go by she/her and I like all genders :)

I'm infp and my love language is words of affirmation.

In a partner I think I look for someone I feel safe to be myself around. Someone that I know is not gonna judge me and is loyal. I like the kind of people that can ground me to reality since I'm often a little out of touch with reality and miss out on the fun things but also understand when I need personal space. I'd also like someone who can make me laugh but can I also have serious conversations with :)

I am a head-in-the-clouds type of person. I'm usually very cheerful and bubbly, my friends call my 'sunshine' and 'morning child of the sun' because of my cheerful attitude but I'm not a morning person at all. I appreciate the little things like how green the trees look today and how the clouds look so nice and floofy. I get distracted by butterflies lol. I believe in a lot of conspiracy theories and things such as ghosts and cryptids and fairies. I'm terrible with human interaction but if I feel that I can be myself around you I will pour the depths of my soul to you. It goes from 0-100 in a minute. We go from I didn't know you yesterday to feeling like we've been friends for the past 5 years. I'm awkward and clumsy and I'll most likely infodump on you about things I like whether that be a king who died centuries ago or anything related to the disney parks (I've never been but I have a library of knowledge of things you can do and places to stay and eat etc including their history) I have an entire range of different topics I keep knowledge of in my brain.

My hobbies are singing, acting, I'm learning the guitar, and archery :D I also really love chess but no one plays with me :(

3 things I do on the daily are listen and sing show tunes (that's one, it happens at the same time), read, and consume chocolate in some shape or form whether that be chocolate milk or a cookie I must have some type of chocolate or I'll die.

I'll talk to you now :) how are you? I'm doing great :) What did you have for breakfast? I had some chocolate milk (hehe) and a fruit salad :) Did you drink any water today? You should. Go drink some now. Yeyy!!! Well, I hope you have a good day and sorry if this is too big, I tend to rant a lot heh 👉👈 anyway byeeee 💕💕✨✨😁😁

SADFLK YOU SOUND JUST LIKE ME 😭😭😭

i’m doing okay! i had two chocolate-covered biscuits today 😌 THEY WERE GREATTT!! i didnt drink too much water today, i’ll drink some right now!!

here’s your matchup...

ZUKO!

let’s be real, he needs someone like you in his life HAHSFDK- he’s totally in touch w/ reality YK THAT BEACH SCENE WHERE HE REMINDS EVERYONE THAT THEY SHOULD BE TRAINING INSTEAD OF HAVING FUN

how he asked you out

-> The two of you were in Zuko’s bedroom, lounging around together and casually chatting. He was on his chair, while you were sitting on his bed.

“You’ve never been to the Disney parks?” he casually asked, and you shook your head. “Huh, thought you have, with all the info about them you’re always bursting out with.” You laughed, and he gave a small smile.

“I wish I’ve been,” you said, sighing as you plopped back onto his bed. The sheets smelled like him, which made you happy.

“Well, I have something for you,” he said, his face reflecting mischief. You quirked an eyebrow at him, and he went back into his closet. He came back with an envelope in his hands, and you eagerly hopped to stand next to him. 

You grabbed the envelope, and opened it hesitantly. Inside it were two tickets to Disneyland.

“Shut up, shut up!” you yelled, your eyes beaming. His face showed an equal amount of happiness, and you pulled him into a hug. “Thank you! So much!”

“No problem,” he said, laughing. “These tickets are for Valentine’s Day, if you wanna go with me? Or you can totally give the other ticket to someone els-” You scoffed, and he stopped talking.

“Of course I want to go with you, I can’t wait!” He smiled, and you pulled him into another hug.

how you spent the day together

-> “You ready?” Zuko’s voice asked, standing outside your door. 

“Yup!” you said, dragging out your suitcase. You had two day’s worth of clothes and food, and you were ready to spend the day at Disneyland.

“Alright then,” he smiled as he grabbed your hand.

The flight to California was relatively chill; the two of you kept exchanging glances and bursting out into laughter at random moments. You and Zuko also talked the entire flight, joking around and chatting with one another. The other passengers definitely did not like it, but it made your heart swell.

Once you got there, you raced to every single ride you possibly could, grabbing Zuko’s arm and dragging him around. He laughed as you burst out with fun facts about everything you saw, and you smiled.

The night arrived faster than it should have; it seemed like the entire day went by in five minutes. Zuko looked at you with a large grin on his face.

“Did you have fun?” His eyes seemed to sparkle in the night, and your heart skipped a beat.

“Definitely,” you said, giving him a kiss on the lips.

ugh disneyland IS THE BEST AND I WISH I COULD TAKE YOU BABE <33

if you ever go, THE DOLE WHIP THEY HAVE IS BOMB AND I HIGHLY RECOMMEND!! the rides there are super fun too omg~ they have both rollercoasters and small, relaxing rides, if high-speed isn’t your thing :)) peter pan & the small world ride are small and slow, but UGH IT’S STILL AMAZING CUZ OF ALL THE SET DESIGN AND EVERYTHING AKLSDFLJSDF

they also have great shows and cast!! 

idk idk when i was younger i was always scared of those big dolls

THESE FREAKED ME OUT SO BAD?? LIKE I WOULD BREAK DOWN AND SOB OMG-

but other than that LMAOOO- everything’s great hehe

ANYWAYS I HOPE YOU ENJOYED <33

#morosis's valentine's day event 💖 #morosis matchups #zuko x reader #zuko fluff #atla #atla x reader #atla fluff

[missmentelle]

Would you say it's the same thing for ADHD? I was diagnosed as having 'traits of adhd' a few years back and always assumed it was more a reflection of the fact that i was diagnosed by a med student not being supervised who made some significant errors in the way she tested me as well as omitting what I thought were some significant observations from her writeup, but I've been wondering lately whether I am actually ADHD or not

It’s the same for all disorders - if a diagnosing professional wrote down on a psychology report that you have “traits of” a mental disorder, it means that they felt you did not meet the criteria for a full diagnosis at that time, most likely for one of five reasons:

You didn’t have enough symptoms to meet the minimum required for the diagnosis, or you were missing a key symptom that is required to make that diagnosis.

Your symptoms are not severe enough to warrant a diagnosis; they do not cause significant disruption or impairment in your daily life. 

Your symptoms only occur in one specific context (eg. you have symptoms at school, but not at home, work or with friends), or your symptoms are a side effect of medication or intoxication. 

Your symptoms have not been going on long enough to meet the criteria for the diagnosis, they don’t occur frequently enough to make the diagnosis, you have long symptom-free periods that negate the diagnosis, or your symptoms did not appear at an age consistent with the onset of that diagnosis.

You sort of meet the criteria for the diagnosis, but there is a different diagnosis that does a much better job of explaining your symptoms (this is sometimes listed as a “differential diagnosis”, rather than “traits of X”).

A report stating that a person has “traits of” a certain disorder or “features of” a disorder is actually extremely common. I’ve probably read more than thousand psych reports at this point in my career, and it’s quite normal for phrasing like that to appear on them. Usually, this is actually a sign that the person is being rather thorough - they are noting that they considered ADHD as a possible diagnosis but ultimately could not make the diagnosis for some reason or other. As I said, other reports may format this differently, and include a list of “differential diagnoses” in the conclusion - this is a list of diagnoses that they considered but ultimately ruled out for one reason or another. 

Unfortunately, learning that you have “traits” of a disorder doesn’t really tell us much, especially without seeing the full psych report. Maybe you didn’t have ADHD then, but you have since developed it. Maybe you don’t have it and never did. Maybe you have some other sort of executive dysfunction or disorder that explains your symptoms, but it was missed the last time around. Maybe a diagnosis of ADHD was warranted back then, and still is. Maybe you only have ADHD symptoms in a specific context, which would make you ineligible for diagnosis but suggests there is something going on that needs to be addressed. I don’t know enough about your case to know for sure. All that I know is that the only way to be sure if you have ADHD - or any other mental disorder that you may be concerned about - is to seek a second opinion and get another assessment done. 

(I’m going to give some clarification about what having “traits of” a disorder means for other readers who may have similar questions. You should know, though, that ADHD is actually slightly different than other disorders like BPD that you may have “traits of” - ADHD is a neurological condition that responds to medication, and if you are given ADHD medication when you don’t actually have ADHD, you are going to notice pretty quickly that you’ve been misdiagnosed. If you calm down and get more sleep while taking what is effectively speed, you can be pretty sure that ADHD is the correct diagnosis for you. People with other disorders like depression, agoraphobia, PTSD and BPD don’t have the same kind of litmus test available for their diagnosis.)

It’s important to remember that everyone has traits of at least one diagnosable disorder - most people will have traits of several. Some people are more easily distractible than others, some people have more trouble sleeping, some people are naturally low-energy or feel more intense emotions. If you browse through a copy of the DSM-V, you are going to find some stuff in there that sounds like it applies to you. Nobody has perfect mental health, especially in their teens and early 20s. But most people do not meet the criteria for the diagnosis of a mental disorder.

This is where we have to think critically about what a diagnosis actually is, why we do it, and what it actually means. Diagnosing a psychological disorder is not like diagnosing a medical disorder, where we can do some blood tests and scans and know exactly what a person has. Psychological diagnoses are always subjective, to some extent - we made categories to describe common clusters of behaviours and symptoms, and we decided where to draw the line between “someone who is just quirky” and “someone who needs formal psychological treatment”. Where exactly we draw that line has always been the subject of debate. 

We could make it so that everyone who has any sort of mental health flaw at all gets diagnosed with a disorder, but that sort of defeats the point of diagnosis - if almost everyone on earth has a diagnosis, then a diagnosis effectively becomes meaningless. There’s no longer meaningful distinction between “someone with an overactive imagination” and “someone with treatment-resistant psychosis” - it all just gets slapped with the same diagnosis. It can also lead us to “medicalize” behaviours that might not need to be “medicalized”. After all, if we diagnose someone, we need to do something about that diagnosis. Diagnosing them means we’ve identified that they need some sort of treatment or intervention. But do all quirks in human behavior really need to be ironed out with treatment? Do we really want to build a world where everyone who falls outside a very rigid definition of mental health gets told that they have something wrong with them? Likewise, if we make diagnosis too restrictive, that’s not good either. Now we have the opposite problem - if we make the criteria for a diagnosis too strict and too narrow, we miss people who might seriously benefit from having treatment. If we say “you need to be severely suicidal before we can diagnose you with depression”, we’re going to overlook a lot of non-suicidal people whose depressive symptoms are ruining their lives, and who could be treated if we just recognized them as depressed. If we are only diagnosing and helping the most severe of the severe cases, we aren’t really making good use of the tools available to us and diagnosis once again becomes basically meaningless, because not having one is no longer a good indicator of whether or not you need help. 

Diagnosis is a balancing act, and there are a lot of people who fall in kind of a grey area where it’s not totally clear if we should be diagnosing them or not. People are complicated, and they rarely fit neatly into categories. If we have a twenty-year-old girl who experiments with drugs, has a lot of short-term and casual dating relationships that end poorly, struggles to make and keep friends, and doesn’t really have a stable sense of who she is and what she wants, does she have BPD? Or is she just a normal 20-year-old? How would we decide? If we diagnose her, we might be pathologizing behaviour that isn’t really all that unusual for her age group, and making her feel like she’s defective for struggling with things that are pretty normal for someone her age to be struggling with; diagnosing her could make her believe that she’s incapable of healthy relationships, which could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. On the other hand, if we don’t diagnose her, we could be missing the fact that she does actually have a fairly serious disorder, and depriving her of the chance to get life-changing treatment that might help her develop the healthier, more fulfilling relationships that she has been missing out on. We could be leaving her to deal with her destructive behaviours on her own, without having any of the language or tools she needs to disrupt those patterns. 

If you’ve been assessed by a mental health professional and you have questions about how they reached the conclusions they did, I encourage you to ask questions and have an open conversation about your symptoms, possible treatments and needs. If you don’t feel that they have a good understanding of your case, I highly encourage you to get a second opinion on your diagnosis from another professional. Whenever possible, seek a diagnosis from someone who specializes in mental health - this should be a psychologist or psychiatrist (or in some cases, a neurologist), and not a general practitioner or family doctor (some family doctors can diagnose and treat basic depression, but even then, you should seek a referral to a specialist for further treatment and assessment). Also remember that diagnosis does not have to be a barrier to seeking therapy - anyone can get therapy, even if they do not meet the criteria for a psychological diagnosis, and everyone can benefit from seeking out a therapist to improve their coping skills, social skills, and general mental health.  Hope this answers your question! MM

#Anonymous #AnsweredByMM