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mentalpolaroids · 3 years

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When he pushed her away

and when she pulled him back (part I)

[gif creds @whumpypepsigal]

JJ Maybank x female!Reader

Summary: Falling for somone is scary, but falling for your best friend is absolutely terrifying. So before she can run away, JJ pushes her away instead, not because he doesn’t want to love her, but because he does, so bad, he just doesn’t know to deal with these new emotions and that scares the shit out of him.

Warnings: swearing, angst(y)

Based on the quote ‘To douchebags!’ He said, gesturing to brad. ‘And TL girls that break your heart,’ he bowed his head to me. His eyes lost focus. ‘And to the absolute fucking horror of losing your best friend because you were stupid enough to fall in love with her.’ from the book Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire.

Thank you @yourroyalyaverageprincess for sending this prompt and for trusting me with writing it, I hope I made it justice 🥰

The girl wiping the wooden table in the middle of the living room tried not to move her curious glances to JJ’s arms as he tried to open the jar of pickles, his defined muscles always trying to unwittingly catch her eye, especially when he wore those sleeveless shirts. John B stood beside him calculating a way to get the damn lid off after he had passed the jar to his friend.

“How the fuck do they close this damn thing so tightly and expect people to just open it without pulling a fucking muscle?” the blonde complained, gritting his teeth and trying not to show how much effort he was putting into opening the jar.

“You guys need help?” the girl finally asked, amused at the boy's antics.

“We’re good, we’re good.” John B reassured as he reached for the jar to try again himself.

She put the rug down and made her way to where the boys stood, her presence going unnoticed by how entertained they were with the glass container.

“Maybe we’re supposed to twist it the other way?” JJ suggested.

“No, we’re not.”

“How would you know? It’s not like that shit has budged even a bit.”

“Guys…” she tried to call them.

“Every lid twists this way, why would this be different?” John B fought back, having the jar snitched from his hands.

“Guys.”

“I don’t know man, no one understands this new weird ass technology.”

“It’s not technology!”

“Oh for fucks sake.” the girl pushed her way in between them and grabbed the jar from JJ. The blonde was about to complain, but as both boys watched, confused, as she turned the jar upside down, gave a few hard taps on the bottom, turned it back around and easily twisted the lip and got it opened, his words were lost in the process of what he just witnessed.

“Save some pickles for me, alright?” she gave JJ the jar back, who still had his eyes on it, perplexed it was actually opened. And by her. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

“Wow. I feel dumb.” John B commented.

She laughed and went back to cleaning the table, oblivious to the blue eyes following her figure. The simple act of effortlessly opening the pickle jar had made him admire her in a different way.

“That was strangely hot.” he mumbled only for the freckled Pogue to hear but he simply rolled his eyes in response, annoyed, but already kinda used to, at his constant rambling on the girl’s appearance.

After a day filled with work, all the five Pogues wanted to do was relax and enjoy each other’s company. The light, warm Summer breeze, the moonlight, the smell of salt water and weed and the sound of crickets and Kiara’s gentle ukulele strings were the perfect recipe. JJ’s favorite sound though, was (Y/N)’s soft voice singing along with the instrument, his full attention on her, admiring her features highlighted by the blueish light from the moon and a few strands of her hair dancing with the breeze. Her smile and occasional laughs for messing up the lyrics were contagious and the boy felt lucky for even having the chance of witnessing such effortless beauty with his own eyes. He also felt scared for feeling like that when looking at his best friend, not sure when or how or even why he started to feel like that. Well, he knew the why, what kind of lunatic wouldn’t like her? But she was his best friend, and although some people around the island would even consider JJ a lunatic, he was having a hard time accepting the new feelings towards the girl, and she was making it even harder by looking like that.

“No, wait, dammit, play it again!”

“Again?”

The girls’ banter brought JJ back to reality and he took a look around him to make sure he was, in fact, not alone with her.

“I messed up again.”

“You were doing fine, girl.” Kiara chuckled and started playing again.

“Hey you,” (Y/N) said, turning to JJ, “come sing with me.”

“Sweetheart, I don’t sing.”

The girl tried to hide the effect the pet name had on her, even though it wasn’t that unusual for her to hear it, and smiled. She extended her arm, signaling for him to scoot closer, which he did. Her arm dropped around his shoulders and he clumsily leaned into her, letting his head rest on her shoulder while her hand rested on his chest. He just hoped she could at least ignore how fast his heart was beating.

“Hey, Kie, can you play…”

“No.” Kiara quickly interrupted John B.

“Oh, come on!”

“No! I’m tired of playing it!”

“And we’re tired of hearing it.” Pope added, but instantly looked at Kie, scared he might have offended her, “Not that you don’t play it well, it’s just…”

“I got it, Pope, no worries.” she chuckled, shaking her head in amusement.

“You ok?” (Y/N) asked the boy beside her as she watched him take a drag from his blunt.

“Yup. Never better.”

“Hope that’s not sarcasm.”

JJ turned his head to look up at her after blowing the smoke into the air.

“It’s not.” he adjusted himself so he could face her better, “I mean, I have a good ass J in my possession, live music, and a super hot chick holding me. I’ve never been better.”

She chuckled at his comment and brought her hand up to lightly smack his forehead, then let it rest over his eyes playfully, making him groan in annoyance. He grabbed her hand and moved it back to his chest, but he didn’t plan on letting it go, as long as she didn’t mind. The way she allowed her body to lean more against his own and rest her head over his showed she didn’t mind at all. But what made his heart almost burst out of his chest was when she moved her hand, not to let go of his, but to intertwine their fingers.

That was the first time ever JJ Maybank had felt the so famous butterflies in his belly and his mind was going crazy trying to tell them to chill. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do with them.

Dealing with the unpleasant antics of the Kooks wasn’t something unusual nor something a Pogue wouldn’t be prepared to face when working in the middle of them, but with the awful week JJ had been having because of his dad, he wasn’t sure he could ignore Rafe and his squad. (Y/N), despite the lack of conversation about JJ’s emotions, she knew he wasn’t ok. She wanted to try and at least make him smile, so she decided to surprise him at work, hoping her visit would ease his distaste of working at the country club and having to deal with the stuck up teens from Figure Eight.

“Careful with my food, Pogue, don’t want you infesting it.”

The girl rolled her eyes at Rafe’s word towards the blonde boy walking back inside to give his order away, his posture tense and ready to attack any minute. She leaned against the wall where JJ wouldn’t be able to see her when he walked out the door, she didn’t want to distract him while serving people, she would wait for him to spot her.

The Pogue passed the glass door with two plates in hand and made his way to the table where Rafe, Topper, Kelce and two other Kooks were sitting. She studied his movements and body language, hoping he could remain calm and ignore any comments she was sure would come out of their mouths. Her body was also tense, ready to step in in case anything happened and trying to make out what Rafe was saying, with no luck. It wasn’t until JJ said something back that she took some steps forward, almost by instinct, as if ready to jump anyone who would dare touch him. It wouldn’t be the first time she had to kick some boy parts.

The unexpected sound of a chair hitting the ground caught everyone’s attention to witness Rafe taking the short steps around the table to face JJ, Topper also on his feet ready to step in. JJ remained calm, or as calm as he could appear to be, jaw clenched and eyes filled with anger, as he listened to the Cameron boy’s words.

“Hey!” (Y/N) finally walked the rest of the way to where the commotion was happening, no longer caring about surprising JJ. Which she actually did, but in a different way, “Watch your mouth Kook.” she warned, her anger towards the boy due to the few words directed to JJ she was able to hear leaving little to no patience in her attitude.

“This doesn’t concern you, (Y/N), piss off.”

“I think it does.” the girl took a few more steps and stood between Rafe and JJ, “Leave him alone.”

The Kook laughed, amused at the girl’s attempt of being frightening.

“You guys see this?” he turned to his friends at the table, pointing at the two Pogues, and then looked at JJ, “Nice bodyguard you got here, Maybank. How do you pay her? You go down...”

He didn’t have time to finish the sentence, JJ went around (Y/N) and tried to grab Rafe’s shirt, his arm going back ready to throw a punch.

“What’s going on here?” another male, loud voice sounded behind them. It was JJ’s boss.

“JJ, let go.” the girl grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away from the Cameron, her voice calmer this time, hoping it would soothe JJ’s mood too.

“What the hell are you doing now, Maybank? You’re really asking to be fired.” the man asked as he approached the scene.

“Nothing.” (Y/N) answered before the blonde could do it, who looked at her, confused with what she was trying to do, “It wasn’t his fault.”

“I didn’t ask you, lady.”

“Yeah but I answered anyway.”

“(Y/N/N)...” JJ whispered, hoping she would shut up before she got in trouble too.

“JJ’s just doing his job, your clients are the ones who don’t know what respect is.”

“What do you know about my clients, Pogue?” the man laughed, “This isn’t your side of the island.”

“I know enough and they don’t get to treat your workers like this, not if you want to keep them around so you can run this joke of a place.”

“(Y/N), seriously, stop.” JJ whispered again and reached to grab her hand discreetly, trying to catch her attention. She let him intertwine their fingers, but kept going.

“This man is a hard worker so I don’t think it’s fair for him to be treated like this.” the man rolled his eyes, “Oh, and also, if you want to call out your workers at least do it in private, it doesn’t convey a very good image of this place doing it in front of other clients.”

She finally turned to the Pogue and reached her hands behind his back. He was confused by her action but when he felt his apron get loose and getting snatched from his waist, his heart started to beat faster with anxiety. Fuck, I’m gonna get fired he thought. (Y/N) smacked the apron into the man’s chest and then grabbed JJ’s hand back.

“Since you haven’t paid him what you owe him yet I think it’s only fair he has an extra day off. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

And with that, she dragged the boy out of the country club, leaving an embarrassed boss behind.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

JJ leaned against his bike, head low, just like his voice to avoid making noticeable the crack in it.

“Yes I did, you would’ve been fired.”

“Maybe I should’ve been.”

“No, shut up, JJ. You don’t deserve that.”

He took a deep, shaky breath. He wanted to thank her, he wanted to say how much he appreciated what she did for him, not only that time, but every time she was there for him. Every time she was simply there.

“Hey.” she whispered, positioning herself in front of him, her feet in between his. She tried to lift his chin up so he could look at her, but his eyes refused to meet hers. She held his face upwards anyway, wanting to read his emotions, “I mean it. Stop thinking everything is your fault and that you deserve it.”

There wasn’t anything going through JJ’s head that, even when he wouldn’t pronounce it, couldn’t be shown on his face, and no one could read it better than (Y/N). So when he bit his bottom lip and blinked a few times in a row, she knew he was holding back a sob and tears and her heart broke a bit at the sight of her best friend being so broken. So she hugged him, she held him so tight that he couldn’t hold his tears anymore. Just like she knew him better than anyone, she was also the only one he fully trusted to hold him while he had a breakdown. He couldn’t hide anything from his best friend, not even his vulnerable side, because no one could put him back in place the way she did.

This was another thing that scared the shit out of him. If he couldn’t hide what he had labeled as his most shameful side, how could he possibly hide his new found feelings for (Y/N)? How was he supposed to look her in the eye and not spill everything, even more terrifying, when he didn’t even need to speak? She would know, and he didn’t know how to cope with that, how to act around her knowing she knew. What would she think?

For a moment, his tight embrace around (Y/N) and his heavy tears and sobs weren’t because of the awful week he had. It was because he was scared of losing the girl he was holding. So he held her tight, as if savoring the way her arms felt around him, as if consuming every bit of love she was giving him so he could store it for when she was gone. Because she would know and she would run away.

Part 2

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Lemme know if you want to be tagged in it (someone had sent me a request to be on the taglist but I forgot who was it, so please hit me up so I can add you!)

#outer banks #obx #jj maybank #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank imagine

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bimsha · 3 years

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Break The Rules (Kazutora x Reader)

(Kazutora Hanemiya x Reader)

Kazutora Hanemiya doesn’t like school. Like, no offense but sometimes he just needs a break from all the studies and the teachers who pile up an assignment after an assignment. He sighed, walking through the familiar stairs. After an hour-long lecture from their English teacher, he will never be ready for the Science period next. He walked up the familiar staircase. Sometimes, it was his happy place: the place where he will be when things get rough. Sometimes, when he just needed a break, he would go up the stairs and open the door to the cozy rooftop. The wind brushing through his hair. He just enjoyed the silence, the peace. He readjusted his bag and slung it over one of his shoulders reaching to the cold, metal doorknob. He was about to twist it to the side and escape to the warm summer breeze when his ears caught the sound of a guitar. Hanemiya stopped, tilting his head to the side, wondering.

To begin with, he ignored the sound, thinking it was all in his head. That’s when a tune started to catch his years. A soothing tune: slow and deep. It was somewhat confusing not knowing what he would meet from the other side of the door. Hanemiya wrapped one of his hands around the black stripe of his backpack and opened the door. It was all the same, just as he left yesterday evening. The summer breeze kissed his skin as he walked out. The bench in front of him was occupied. He had seen her before. A glimpse or two when they passed the hall. That was it. He didn’t know her name and he didn’t mind that either. It was a big school, you are not bound to learn anyone’s names after all. The girl didn’t look up when he stepped to the rooftop. Her eyes were focused on the guitar. Her finger smoothly plucked each string with ease producing the same lyrical, melodic music he heard before.

“Nice tune,” He said, unable to handle the silence only broken by the sound of the melody. She looked up, her dark eyes surprised by his sudden words. That’s when Hanemiya realized she had not even heard him enter. Quite the prey for a serial killer.

She narrowed her eyes, placing the guitar on her lap, “You’re skipping classes.”

No Hi. No, Who are you? Just stating facts. Hanemiya shrugged, “I can say the same for you.”

She rolled her eyes, readjusting the guitar, “I have music now. The teacher is absent. I’m practicing on my own.”

“Such a nerd” The male muttered under his breath, taking a seat beside her.

She didn’t react, instead, she ran her smooth fingers across the guitar strings. It was like she was creating her own magic with music. Hanemiya watches for few long seconds: “You know, your music is pretty good.”

She looked surprised, “Uh, thanks?”

He shrugged, leaning back. “It’s not that surprising to hear. I bet you get that all the time.”

She gave him a sideways glance, “Not really, you sure you aren’t going to get in trouble because of skipping class?”

She was trying to change the subject, Hanemiya realized. But he didn’t say anything. He, out of all people, knew that sometimes people needed a break. “I am trouble, girl.” He smirked.

She rolled her eyes, “Well, I guess I have heard about your troubles a lot” She said, making air quotes.

Hanemiya grinned, “Glad to know I’m pretty popular, Uhm…” He grimaced, she knows his name but he doesn’t.

“Y/n” She simply replied. Just as if someone who’s used to be forgotten. Like someone who didn’t care about being forgotten.

“Right,” Hanemiya said, rubbing his hands together.

“I don’t make trouble, so people don’t know me,” She said, standing up. Hanemiya raised an eyebrow as she opened her black guitar case and carefully placed the instrument inside. He watched her moves, carefully. From her care for the guitar, it was evident how much she loved music.

“Once in a while, everyone needs to be in trouble.” He said. He didn’t know why he felt that but today he didn’t feel like going back to classes at all. “Without that, life gets boring”

She slung the strap over her shoulder, “I’m the kind who lives a boring life. Excuse me.”

“Wanna break the rules with me? For today?”

She turned in surprise. Her eyes widen, her fingers tightly wrapped around the black strap. “Huh?”

He gave her a sheepish grin, pushing back one of his stray bangs from his face. “You don’t look like you want to go back at all. You can use a little excitement.”

She looked as if she’d reject and Hanemiya wouldn’t have been surprised. They barely knew each other and never have talked before. But something about her made him feel different. It was almost sad that she didn’t have any excitement, hope in those beautiful eyes. She is missing out on the best things in life. “I don’t trust you” She boldly stated, “But yeah, I don’t want to go back.”

A smile crept upon his lips, “Wanna go?”

She nodded hesitantly, “I hope we don’t end up in jail” She murmured. Hanemiya grinned, walking out of the rooftop with her.

“Honestly, I hope so too”

He looked over his shoulder to see whether his statement has shaken her. But her face betrayed no emotion except for the same plain look. He was going to put light into those eyes today. Sneaking out of school was not the hard part. Hanemiya had done it countless times. You just need to know the right hallways and turn from the right corners. Soon, both of them were standing outside of the school, facing the clear view of the road and Hanemiya started leading her to the alley beside.

Each step was conscious. You were ready to flee at any given moment as you followed him towards the alley. In the school, Hansemiya didn't have the best reputation, but there were worse guys, and all you wanted to do today was escape. On other days, you might’ve even rejected if he asked to snitch school and go out during school hours. But lately, you haven’t felt anything. Your only friend was your guitar and your music. You could use something else to drown your thoughts. Hanemiya told you to wait by as he walked deeper into the street. His figure losing in the shadows of the dark alley. You waited, looking around. The main street was nearly empty. All the people were working, all the students studying inside schools. You stared at a nearby stray puppy limping through the road when you heard the sound.

It was a surprise that caught your heart in a storm. There he was, in front of you with a black motorbike, designed thoroughly with dragon stickers. Honestly, you didn’t know much about them but the motorbike looked pretty cool. Hanemiya had changed his school uniform with a black jacket. He tossed you a helmet and grinned, “Let’s escape”

You looked at it unsurely, “You ain’t gonna wear one? Do you have the license for that thing? Are you going to kidnap me?”

He rolled his eyes, “I don’t kidnap girls in broad daylight. C’mon, who do you think I am?”

“A stranger” You replied putting on the helmet and tightening the strap making sure you won’t bust your head if you get into an accident. Looking at his balance and the familiarity he had, like the motorbike was his second personality, you didn’t doubt his skill to ride it.

“Don’t worry, get on. This buddy is my best friend” He said, giving you a sheepish look, patting the seat of the bike.

Something clicked inside your heart. You didn’t remember how many times you have called your guitar your best friend. For the first time, you looked at him a bit more closely. He doesn’t seem to be a person with many friends and behind the excitement of his eyes, there was a hint of sadness. It was barely there, but it existed. You got on behind him and held onto his jacket as he raced through the streets of Shibuya. The trees, cars, people passed you by a blur. Like a watercolor painting ruined by water. Still, there was a beauty in it. Ruined and broken things always had this beauty to them. You just had to look a little bit harder, you just have to be more careful and vigilant. Hanemiya took a sharp turn, breaking your thoughts. You yelped in surprise, holding onto him tightly as you closed your eyes. You could hear his chuckle at your surprise. “You know what is the best feeling in Biking?”

“What is it?” You raised your voice a little because you had to cut through the wind to speak to him.

“It’s escape, Y/n. When I bike, I feel free. No one can touch me. Everyone just passes by me so fast. Sometimes, I feel like I’m escaping to another universe. Just me, the wind and the sound of my friend. It’s a different feeling” Hanemiya tilted his head slightly, taking another turn. “And today, there’s another person sharing my universe, that’s you”

You could feel your cheeks heat up. It should be the rush of wind, you thought as he spoke again, “Quick advice, don’t close your eyes. Open them wide and see. This is freedom!” He yelled the last part, breaking into a peal of soft laughter.

You decided to give it a try. You sat up a little straighter still holding on tight for him. You tipped your chin back slightly, feeling the wind cutting through your face, the harsh wind was comfortable in a unique way. You stared at the blue sky, painted with white tufts of clouds. Everything seems to pass you by, just as he said. It felt like escape, freedom. “This is awesome” You blurted out, leaning against his back, talking against his ear that he might actually hear.

He nodded, “Told you so!”

When he finally stopped beside the grassy plain of the river, you felt a little at loss. You were almost at a zone while you were on that bike. It was like suddenly, all the thoughts inside your mind disappeared leaving you floating in your own dream world. A place where you felt belong. He parked his motorbike and told you to wait. Surely, a lot of waiting, you thought. You sat down by the grass, placing your guitar beside you, waiting for this boy who appeared into your life out of nowhere. “I’m back!” He chirped, jumping behind you.

You turned to see him, holding on two popsicles and the ever-growing grin on his face. “Summer is the time for ice cream,” He said, handing you one.

You unwrapped it and tasted the chocolate and the minty flavour. He was not eating it smoothly, or correctly, you noticed as you looked at him in surprise. He was practically chewing down the popsicle. You cringed, “How are you even-”

He turned with a quizzical look, “Oh, I like the ice cream cold?”

You blinked, “What are your grades? Honestly? Ice cream is supposed to be cold. That’s why you call it ice cream.”

He juts out his bottom lip, “I was just trying to give you a reason.”

You hummed, “Do you often do this? Skip school I mean.”

Hanemiya put away the wrapped and laid down on the river bank, shielding his eyes from the direct sunlight on his face. “When I think it’s too much to handle, I do”

You looked at him. His sandy eyes looked distant. Pale skin shadowed with the silhouette of his own hand. You saw it again, the lingering sadness like chains he could not escape. You wondered the reason behind that. Just maybe, there was no reason at all. It’s just the way it is. We’re all a little sad and broken. Even though others expect us to be perfect, we just can’t and that’s the truth for everyone. “Don’t you ever feel lonely? You’re alone when you’re riding, no one in your little universe. It’s just you.”

He turned to look at you, “Sometimes, but I liked loneliness. When I’m with myself, no one can hurt me. I like it.”

“And you hate it too” Your reply was instant. He blinked in surprise, then a small smile drew out of his lips. You understood it: the nature of loneliness.

“Yeah, I hate it too” His voice was open than before. It was like the boy beside you was starting to open up slowly. He knew she understood and she knew he did too. “I’ve shown you my freedom” He propped himself on elbows, “Can you show me yours?”

It took you a second to realize he was looking at the guitar case resting beside you. You ran your hand through the smooth black fabric before deciding, it was only fair you show your freedom too. You put down the wrapper and carefully took out the guitar. Your finger idly running through the strings, embracing the melodies and the beauty of the sound. Almost magical to your ears. It had always been like this. When you held your guitar, you’re in your own little world. A parallel universe you made for yourself just as Hanemiya said. Your fingers ran through the strings with great familiarity. The melody was soothing for your ears. Your music spoke the words you couldn’t say. It was your outlet. Your way of telling the world that you’re lonely. There’s no beauty in sadness. That’s why your melodies always spoke the plain truth. The truth to your heart, to your soul. “Miya,” You said, turning to him after you finish one song. “This is my freedom. My way of escape.”

He nodded, “I like the nickname”

You flushed, “I’m sorry! I didn’t realize-”

He shook his head hushing you, “You were in the zone. Your music, it’s so beautiful Y/n. I love how it speaks raw and plain truth.” He turned to the river flowing in front of you, “And your eyes shine when you play. Like you have found the excitement” He smiled, “Your happy place”

The smile on your face was effortless, “Like you with your bike.”

“You know it!”

You two shared your ideas and talked with each other. You found comfort in his words as you had never found before. You had never known what it felt like to meet a person who understands. Understand the chaos in your soul. The deepness in your mind. You started to play another song. This time, the melody was a bit hype, because you’re happy. He dropped his head into your shoulder, relaxing. You stopped playing for a minute, unsure of your next move when he sleepily murmured, “Keep playing.”

So, you did. You didn’t know what this was. A boy sleeping beside you, soothed by your music. A boy who understood you’re not perfect and not supposed to be. A boy who showed you his world while you showed him yours. You didn’t know what to call this feeling, so you played it on the guitar. The feeling of butterflies. The feeling of belonging.

After few hours, you two finally decided it was time to leave. There was something you were holding back, the reason for you to be so down the whole day. “Y/n?” He asked, seeing you spacing out. “Are you okay?”

“It’s my birthday, you know” You weren’t looking at his face. You were staring at the river. There was a reason you loved rivers, no matter the challenges they never stop. “No one remembered. I didn’t expect them to. It would be nice if someone did” You scratched the back of your head, “Sorry, that was dumb”

You heard his footsteps before you saw his face right in front of you. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner!?”

You shrugged, “You used to be a stranger a few seconds ago”

He took a step back and pulled out his wallet, surprising you. He frowned, his face drawing into a deeply thinking expression. “Oi,” You said, “What’s that look for?”

He pouted, “It’s just I don’t have enough money to buy you anything.” He looks as if the gods have decided to send him to hell.

“I don’t need anything” You flushed, “I just told you because-”

He cut you off, wrapping one of his arms around you pulling you into a tight hug. You stiffened for a moment, before finally hugging back, pressing your face onto his leather jacket. “There’s something I can still give you” His voice was muffled. The two of you pulled away and stared at each other for a second. You didn’t guess his next action. Didn’t see it coming either. He brushed his lips against your own. The tiniest speck. The softest intimacy. “Happy Birthday, Y/n. Next year, I’m gonna make it special, I promise”

You closed your eyes for a second, “So, you’re going to kidnap me next year too?”

Hanemiya ruffled your hair, “Yeah, I’m gonna kidnap you from the rooftop next year too.”

You didn’t know why, but you trusted him when he said he’ll remember. “I’ll be waiting.”

“For a hot biker to kidnap you? Geez, Y/n, your imagination is sure wild” He teased, laughing.

“Not just any biker, the dork named Miya is the only one” You shot back, it was his time to flush.

“I didn’t know you had it in you,” He said, exaggerating his surprise as he clutched his heart dramatically.

“I always had it in me, the other people were not keen enough to draw out this side.” You flipped your hair, imitating his dramatic actions.

“What is this? A teen drama?” He huffed, slipping his hand to yours. His long slender fingers fitting right in yours. You both stared at the river for one last time before getting on the bike.

You never held someone so close in your life. It was like no one understood you, and never accepted you for who you are. You were insecure about your flaws, about those imperfections. But he made you feel right. He made you realize it’s okay to be imperfect. He found the meaning behind your music and saw right through you. Kazutora Hanemiya: a boy who knew about the art of loneliness. Who went behind the things he loved to make himself feel something. The only person who understood you. Walking with him, your hands intertwined. You realized how lucky you stumbled into him. How lucky you agreed to break the rules with him. Every second, every minute was worth it.

Happy Birthday to one of the loveliest people in the whole world! I love you Oya! Have a great birthday sweetheart! ❤❤❤❤❤❤

#tokyo revengers #x reader #kazutora hanemiya #kazutora x reader #happy birthday oya #i love you #fluff #birthday fic #you are amazing #x female reader

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pleasantmag · 2 years

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Review: 10 Records from 10 Years Ago

It was insanely difficult to only pick 10 records from 2012, which is why we didn’t. We cheated. We included an honorable mentions list. Let’s take a look at 2012 and some phenomenal records that came out during that year, in no particular order and soak in all the nostalgia.

Heck, we even made a playlist for y’all if you wanna listen!

Modern Baseball -- Sports

When Sports came out, Modern Baseball was still playing shows in the basement. 40 kids would pack into a north Philly basement screaming the lyrics to “Tears Over Beers”, “The Weekend”, and of course “Re-Do”. Philly went hard for Modern Baseball and came out to each and every show. Just a couple months Sports came out, Modern Baseball sold out The Fire in Philadelphia for the first time. It was crazy watching the band grow with the success of this album. For me, this album is so important to me because I remember these nights like they were yesterday. Getting hot & sweaty in the basement inches away from the band singing along to these songs. People trying to crowd surf on top of one another in a small, unfinished Philly basement. Listening to this album just makes me feel like I’m home and I’ll never forget that feeling. I remember searching long and hard for a coveted first press of this record and it’s one of my most cherished records to this day. -AT

The Menzingers -- On The Impossible Past

Out of all of these records, On the Impossible Past is probably the one that I revisit the most. While The Menzingers have put out phenomenal records since this release (Rented World, After the Party, Hello Exile), this is arguably their best record from start to finish. Each and every song on this 13 track album is just a banger. On the regular, I catch myself quoting lyrics from “Good Things” because I, too, am “having a horrible time”.

I remember going to The Fest in Gainesville right after this record came out and imagine hundreds of super sweaty people, most likely with PBRs in their hand, screaming these lyrics. I’ll tell ya, it wasn’t a horrible time. Personally, my favorite track on this record is “Gates” because not only is it an incredible song, but, I always catch myself saying ‘happiness is just a moment’. To this day, The Menzingers still play a good amount of these songs live, well, at least when I saw them pre-pandemic they were, so there’s a pretty good chance you’ll be able to hear some of these tracks live if you haven’t yet. -AT

Title Fight -- Floral Green

Words can’t describe how important this band means to me. This list would be incomplete without including Title Fight’s Floral Green. At first, I will admit I was apprehensive to this record on first listen. Compared to Shed (2011) and The Last Thing You Forget (2009), Floral Green shows growth and transformation for the band while still staying true to their roots. It has something for everyone on it ie, fast and loud enough for those into hardcore, while soft enough for the indie heads re: “Head in the Ceiling Fan”. Spin Magazine said they were “reshaping punk” and were considered Kingston punk heroes by NEPA Scene. This record became an iconic release for the band and pivotal to the band’s growth. While many favorite “Secret Society” or “Numb, But I Still Feel it”, you can catch me listening to “Leaf” and “Like a Ritual” quite regularly. Like vocalist Ned Russin says, I’m just a single leaf in the wind blowing” -AT

Now, Now -- Threads

I have been listening to this record since its release date, but it has a different meaning to me now. This record was one of my best friend’s absolute favorite records of all time. He used to contribute to Pleasant Mag over the years and I want to dedicate this post to him. Elmer Martinez.

Threads is an incredible album from start to finish. Immediately, the first song on the album, “The Pull” literally pulls you in as the album starts. I’m hooked just on the first track. Listening to this ambient rock album almost gives me an out-of-body sense. I feel like nothing in the world can distract me as the album progresses and I'm just so focused on it, not just lyrically. For me, the bops are “School Friends”, “But I Do”, and “Prehistoric”, but really it’s one of the best records that came out in 2012 and I wish the band still made music that sounded like this. -AT

Joyce Manor -- Of All Things I Will Soon Grow Tired

Of All Things I will Soon Grow Tired has so many iconic songs punk rock songs. This is the band’s second studio album that they released on Asian Man Records and damn is it a good one. While I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite Joyce Manor record of all time, because how do you compete with the bops on the 2013 S/T album? Yet - this 9 minute, 9 track record is what introduced me to Joyce Manor and I’ve been a JM fan ever since. Some of my favorites from Of All Things include “See How Tame I Can Be_”, “Comfortable Clothes”, and “Violent Inside”. -AT

Converge -- All We Love We Leave Behind

Every time Converge comes out with a new record I become apprehensive, because I hold their music on such a pedestal, Jane Doe and You Fail Me are two of the most important records to who i am today. Well this record did not disappoint me in any way, songs like “Aimless Arrow” and “Sadness Comes Home” are some of their best songs. After 10 years I hold this record up there with Jane Doe and You Fail Me. -RZA

Bad Books -- II

Bad Books put this record out at a very conflicting time in my life, I was having relationship issues, I was having problems with employment, and I don’t know. I just heard this record and it hit me, in such a way that I couldn't stop listening to it. Around the time it came out, my girlfriend at the time had cheated on me and I remember just listening to “Pyotr” all the time. The more I listened to this record, the better it became. -RZA

Dads -- American Radass (This is Important)

I would like to start off by thanking Ryan Mazzei for getting me into this record, the first song i heard off of this record was “Bakefest at Piffany’s”, I fell in love with it, I then remember going home and downloading the record off of Bandcamp, at this time I still had an ipod. After all these years and at least 6,000 plays I can still blast this record as loud as I did then and still belt every word. -RZA

Basement -- Colourmekindness

Honestly when this record first came out I couldn’t stand it, maybe it was the hype behind it, maybe it was me being a bitter loser, i don’t know but once Basement “broke up” for those 6 months after Colourmekindness came out, I got attached to the record. By the time they got back together this record was all I was listening to. This record still even after 10 years still gets an A+, all the flow of the tracks go so well together and there isn’t a bad one in the bunch. -RZA

Expire -- Pendulum Swings

“Pendulum swings; pendulum takes, reaper come to whisk me away.”

I was very lucky to see enough to see Expire the year this record came out with Cold World, Backtrack, Dead End Path, and King Nine at a Masonic Temple in Smithtown. That was the first time I had ever heard Expire, and HOLY SHIT that was it for me, I bought the record from the merch table and to this day I BLAST this record.

“So sink with me into the abyss.” -RZA

Pleasant Mag’s Honorable Mentions:

Everyone, Everywhere -- Everyone, Everywhere

Glocca Morra -- Just Married

Full of Hell/Code Orange Kids -- Split

Boston Strangler -- Primitive

Deer Leap/The World is a Beautiful Place and I Am No Longer Afraid to Die -- Are Here to Help

Modern Baseball/Marietta- Couples Therapy

You Blew It!- Grow Up, Dude

Hop Along- Get Disowned

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karasunology · 4 years

Text

⸙ ˚₊ ➷ THE MIYA TWINS & BOKUTO KOUTARO AS YOUR OLDER BROTHERS ! ❞

╰─ ─ ﾟheadcanons of the best twins & ace of my heart being your older brothers.

✐ . . . BIG BROTHER HEADCANONS.

[ OIKAWA TOORU & KAGEYAMA TOBIO VERSION. ] [ SUNA RINTAROU & KITA SHINSUKE VERSION. ]

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ bokuto koutaro, miya atsumu & miya osamu <3

[ trigger warnings ━ slight manga spoilers !! ]

-ˏˋ ✉️ REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OPEN.

⇣ please read the RULES before requesting.

MIYA TWINS.

➜ oh my goodness, i pray so hard and dearly for your parents because y'all are WILD WILD

➜ when you guys were young, you know those videos of twins confusing their baby on who's their parent??

➜ yeah THESE TWO TRIED IT WITH YOU

➜ it was probably atsumu's dumb idea

➜ he watched it a few days ago in youtube

➜ so he suggested it to osamu which begrudgingly accepted, curious on how you would react

“ c'mon, come to big brother 'samu ”

➜ atsumu says as he stretches his arms out to you while you're oblivious poor innocent ass was doing the grabby hands to him

➜ ngl you looked so cute he felt a little guilty for what's to come

➜ while osamu sits next to him with a monotonous expression

“ no, i'm big brother 'samu ”

➜ your head spun to his direction

➜ and you're just like 👁👄👁

➜ while switching left and right in confusion as you dropped your arms down so fucking fast LMAO

➜ while atsumu was trying so hard, really he promised he won't laugh so soon, that osamu keeps pestering him to shut his bitch as up

➜ until the faintest of sobs were heard, forcing their mini argument to a halt

“ will you stay quiet ─ ”

“ ─ oh no no no, please don't cry ”

➜ osamu is in distraught because he actually doesn't know how to take care of a child crying

➜ while astumu is trying to carry you

“ hngg i ─ hic ─ want big brother 'samu ─ hic ! ”

➜ bitch almost wanted to drop you right then and there honestly

➜ he's like ??? DOES THIS BITCH EVEN KNOW I EXIST EYE??

➜ and when osamu heard you calling out to him, something in him snapped

“ i knew this was a bad idea ─ ”

➜ as he shoved atsumu off of you, hugging you as he tries to coo you, whispering “ shh . . don't ya worry, yer big brother 'samu is here ”

➜ this MANS OHMYGOD

➜ your cries seemed to have ceased as atsumu is standing there like ??

➜ i'm thEIR BROTHER TOO !!

➜ bb boy held a grudge on you for a few weeks ngl

➜ but then you grew up and now you know that you actually have two (2) big bro 'samu

➜ but more annoying & bitchy

➜ you're their favourite victim to bully

➜ well, atsumu

➜ but they won't let their teasing lead to you crying because they actually can't stand the sight of their younger sibling crying

➜ contrary to popular belief, when you realized there was another big bro 'samu, you were now attached to atsumu while he's similing smugly and triumphly at osamu

➜ atsumu would 100% be very competitive for your attention though he makes you hate him whenever he bullies you

➜ but we all know osamu hates losing

➜ so there was definitely a time of your life that their fighting over who was the best big brother

➜ ugh y'all cute cute

➜ while you're helping osamu around the kitchen, atsumu would just watch from the side lines because the kitchen is kinda yours and osamu's thing

➜ though while in his earlier years, he'd get upset because he wants you to hang out with him too :(

➜ while you have the cooking thing with osamu, you have the baking thing with atsumu

➜ shh hear me out

➜ osamu is actually not good at baking shit

➜ the first time he attempted baking was when you joined a baking club & now you're obsessed with making cupcakes and all that good good

➜ and he wanted to also try and back

➜ and how and what did he do to make your cupcakes look like dog shit was beyond you

➜ and while smelling something burning, atsumu ran to the kitchen and after realizing what osamu did

➜ he'd try and make your next batch of cupcakes presentable

➜ because he's?? actually?? good at it??

➜ and now you guys have your baking sessions and brother 'tsumu bonding time

➜ but even though you guys have other things with the other person, you guys LOVED doing chores together

➜ like, your guys' mom would make the boys clean the bathroom and before you knew it, LIKE YOU WENT THERE JUST TO TALK TO THEM WHILE THEY CLEAN, you find yourself cleaning the toilet necause atsumu ain't doing that shit

➜ washing dishes?? that as well

➜ you and atsumu would be the ones washing while osmu would do the drying

➜ 11/10 of the time would leave you guys a damped mess

➜ while cleaning the kitchen, i absoloutely headcanon, like STRONGLY

➜ that you guys would just talk either about random shit, talk shit about someone honestly, or quote reality tv shows

➜ like one thing you would be sweeping the kitchen floor, and while sweeping, you accidentally hit the trash bin hard that the contents flew out of it as it fell down the floor

➜ and atsumu's like : “ pooja what is this behaviour?? ”

➜ then something clicked in you that made you remember that one show bigg boss something

➜ and you'd be like : “ i'm sorry i kicked it ny mistake ”

➜ osamu would roll his eyes before joining you two : “ you can't kick it by mistake ”

➜ “ then pick it up if it bothers you ”

➜ ugh y'all aRE ICONS

➜ y'all would be at the pool and atsumu would shout “ oh no my diamond earing is gone ”

➜ and osamu would reply “ kim, there's people that are dying. ”

➜ you'll be their biggest fan in the court

➜ whenever they play with you on the sidelines something in them just snapped and they'll be scoring points by points in a row

➜ they lowkey love to show off

➜ if you're a girl, every fangirl of they have would be wary of you at first, but then realized that you were just their little sister

➜ and to their bisexual fans, they would ngl have a huge ass crush on you too

➜ and if you're a boy as well, oH MY GOD WOULD THEY HAVE FALLEN AMD CAN'T GET UP

➜ LIKE BITCH THE MIYA GENES ARE THRIVING IN THE THREE OF YOU

➜ you bet they'd be throwing hands if someone decided to break your heart

➜ though, osamu would be the more rational one

➜ if they ever meet your s/o, atsumu would want to rile them up while osamu is just being calm but the scarier one of the two?? but he knows you don't need any protecting because you know how to do it yourself & you don't have any need for that

➜ 12/10 would recommend as brothers

➜ in conclusion, you guys may not always get along, but you know damn well they care about you and would apologize right away if they did something too far. and you guys are such good sibling goals😤

BOKUTO KOUTARO.

➜ definitely know how to deal with his emo mode

➜ since you guys grew up together

➜ and sadly, you didn't have an akaashi to help you out with it while you were young

➜ like he'd be the older brother but you would probably be the more mature one

➜ but while you guys were young, he was your knight & shinning armor

➜ like when you scraped your knee while trying to catch him, he'll do a 180° and bitch has never ran faster to you than that time

➜ & if you were crying because of it, he'll make stupid jokes but it'll always make you forget about the pain in your knee

➜ and it's one of those times that you could really see that he was actually older than you

➜ then he'll piggyback you back to your house

➜ homeboy be reliable even while he was young wow

➜ and even 'till now

➜ if you ever got sick or injured

➜ or god forbid, HEARBROKEN by someone

➜ a bitch will throw hands

➜ but before that he'll make you laugh & do his best to take your mind off whatever is causing you to hurt

➜ ngl you would always look up to him, even if he may seem childish

➜ he'll hang out with you the rest of the day, he doesn't care if it's a school day, he'll drag akaashi with him

➜ my boy here GIVES THE BEST ADVICES

➜ though he may reword them differently, but his advices never seemed to fail you

➜ fights don't usually happen, and if they do they're probably serious

➜ he's the type of brother that lets you sneak out the house

➜ he'll usually back you up in everything

➜ and this bitch would take the fall for your faults

➜ ugh WE STAN

➜ but also if you sneak out the house to your significant other, bb boy has to know their number, address, occupation etc.

➜ because he ain't having a broken hearted sibling

➜ and he just wants the best for you

➜ and in the future, though he may be busy with being a professional volleyball player;

➜ he'll always have time for you

➜ he'll cLEAR OUT HIS SCHEDULE JUST FOR YOU

➜ you're that urgent to him

➜ your his first best friend before volleyball

➜ speaking of volleyball, if you aren't found in the stands in his matches ─ he'll go TO EMO MODE Y'ALL

➜ because you're usually always there in his games and it makes him give all his 120%

➜ since he's usually busy, he'll ALWAYS have those covey sisters movie nights

➜ if ykyk

➜ he's a sucker for family bonding time ogey

➜ the type to binge watch all the hsm movies & know all the lyrics to all the songs

➜ the type to defend sharpay with all his might

➜ and you guessed it right

➜ sharpay is his favourite character

➜ no one tell me otherwise

➜ THE TYPE TO DUET SONGS WITH YOU

➜ HIS FAVOURITE?

➜ EVERY SHARPAY & RYAN SONGS

➜ HE'LL BE SHARPAY AND YOU'LL BE RYAN

➜ AND THAT'S ON BOP TO THE TOP

➜ hates horror movies

➜ so if you ever watch it with him, he won't leave your side for the rest of the night & will have a sleepover on the living room

➜ f o r t s

➜ loves doing ridiculous challanges

➜ your phone would be BOMBARDED with crackhead videos of him

➜ probably broke a bone or two ngl

➜ 100/10 would recommend as a brother

➜ in conclusion, he may not always be there, and would be a bit childish & needy at times; but you know that he would step up as a big brother for you ANYDAY, ANYNIGHT, ANYTIME. because how could he want the best for you when he's not being his best on his part?

-ˏˋ playing soleil's tape ˊˎ-

[ 📼 ] . . . tumblr won't let this post show on the tags now i have to repost them all over again phew chile. watch me throw hands😤

#haikyuu social media au #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #miya atsumu x reader #miya osamu x reader #bokuto koutaro x reader #haikyuu masterlist #haikyuu smau #oikawa tooru smau #miya atsumu smau #hq imagines #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #miya atsumu headcanons #miya osamu headcanons #bokuto koutaro headcanons

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when-they-write-stuff · 4 years

Text

SterekWeek2020: Day Five (Lyrics/Quotes)

The other night dear,

as I lay sleeping

I dreamed I held you in my arms

But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken

So I hung my head and I cried

Twelve hours ago, Stiles had seen the night ending much differently.

He was at the loft when the alarm came on.

The betas had gone out long ago and Stiles had quickly claimed the rest of the night as ‘Derek and Stiles time’ to which the Alpha had immediately made a face. But Stiles was determined, dammit. They never got any alone time anymore, with the betas getting all up in their personal space whenever Stiles wanted some ‘Sourwolf time’.

And Derek always refused to get all soft and squishy if anyone else was around to see.

So Stiles had threatened the betas with bodily harm, Boyd had decided it was best to take the others out for the night, and Stiles had immediately pounced on Derek, who still looked confused. But what was he expected to do, honestly? It had been too long since they’d been left alone in the same room together.

“Tonight,” Stiles had said, already wrapped around the Alpha. “We’re ordering pizza and watching movies together until the sun comes up. Capiche?”

Derek had just rolled his eyes. Stiles grinned.

“Good, I’m glad we’ve got that all figured out. So, I’m thinking we should start with—”

And then the alarm went off.

Looking back now, Stiles supposed they had been a little too relaxed. But it was the summer after the pack’s first year of college and honestly, none of them could be blamed. The threats weren’t coming weekly anymore and sometimes, Stiles got a full night’s sleep without nightmares. He found himself slacking off more and more often, and he knew the others were doing the same.

Which might’ve been the problem.

Because when the loft alarm went off, alerting them of intruders, Stiles wasn’t nearly as ready as he used to have been.

Derek was on his feet first, claws out and eyes flashing red. But then the hunters came in the numbers tripling their own and Stiles didn’t even have the chance to stand before there was a tranq dart embedded in his neck. He half-remembered fumbling at it, half-remembered Derek roaring, and then man was catching him before he fell.

The rest was mostly black. There was another howl that had struck the air, Stiles remembered faintly. One calling for the rest of the pack. But then all Stiles had known was unconsciousness.

Some part of him had been panicked, if only for a moment. Another part had murmured ‘I told you so’ and Stiles knew he never should have sent the pack away.

It was all his fault.

He didn’t even hear Derek collapse beside him.

You are my sunshine,

my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear,

how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

Derek had been captured by hunters a fair amount of times in his life. It never ended well on the hunters' side, except this time was different. He realized that the moment he’d woken up.

Because Stiles had never been taken alongside him before.

Years ago, Derek might not have cared. When Stiles was just that thorn in his side, some teenage hyperactive sidekick that he could barely stand. When Derek had kept the kid around only because Scott followed wherever Stiles went.

Years ago, he might not have cared.

But this time, Derek felt himself start to panic the moment he saw Stiles unconscious on the other side of the cell. Because he cared so much now.

Stiles groaned as he stirred back to life. Derek’s heart skipped a beat.

“Stiles—”

“Der?”

The boy was still in the red sweatshirt he’d been wearing earlier. There were a few tears in it now and a splatter of blood on Stiles’s neck where the dart had been pulled out. But other than that, he looked okay. More than okay, actually.

Derek could have melted into the floor.

He half-realized then, moving forward to gather the boy in his arms, that he was still a little woozy himself. The hunters had hit him with more than one dart and Derek was pretty sure the venom had been enough to knock out an elephant. And, judging by the reeling of his stomach, there had been some sort of wolfsbane mixed in.

Of course, there was. Derek should have known better than to put anything past hunters.

Some part of him felt like this was his fault.

Because it was his job to take care of the pack. Once upon a time, Derek had done everything he could to make sure they were prepared to face any threat. Once upon a time, it hadn’t mattered what the others thought of his preparations. Just as long as they were all fit enough to be able to handle anything that came. Any risk that threatened their lives.

But then he’d gotten lax.

Derek had forgotten how many things existed to hunt him and his pack down.

Pulling Stiles close, Derek didn’t even realize the apologies he was murmuring until the teen pushed at his chest weakly. Stiles groaned, one hand reaching up to rub at the bloodstained mark on his neck, while the other nudged Derek away a little bit.

“Dude, what is—”

“Hunters.”

“No,” Stiles said, groaning again. “No, I know that. But what are you—?”

“I’m sorry.”

Stiles blinked, looking confused. Then he grunted something intelligible and buried his face in Derek’s neck, pulling him even closer. And it was a reaction that always brought Derek’s guard down, no matter how prepared he was for it.

A growl built up at the back of his throat as he pulled Stiles even closer.

Derek could still remember the first time he’d told Stiles about the meaning of certain touches to werewolves. The one along the back of the neck; scenting. The one along the front; threatening. And then that of complete and utter claiming, when Derek could still feel the mating bite on his shoulder and Stiles had stayed nestled against his neck for hours, making sure their scents were mixed enough to be basically inseparable.

Derek found himself relaxing unconsciously into Stiles’s warm breaths against his skin.

And then their cell door opened.

I'll always love you and make you happy

If you will only say the same

But if you leave me and love another

You'll regret it all some day

When Scott and Allison had first gotten together, Stiles decided he was never going to be like them.

Not because he didn’t support their relationship or whatever. Of course, he did, Stiles had been the third wheel for long enough to basically be part of the relationship. But they were so soft and gooey, he sometimes felt the need to vomit when they were together.

In the beginning, Stiles had vowed he’d never be like them. He didn’t plan to be Romeo or Juliet. The whole shebang made him queasy.

But then one night, Derek Hale had kissed him.

There was something about nicknames that used to get underneath Stiles’s skin. Well, nicknames, inside jokes, and all those cute little couple things. He thought it might have been because he just was single and annoyed, but then again, maybe some people were just more frustrating than others.

Before Derek came along, Stiles decided he’d never be called babe, or have some stupid joke/song/cutsey moment that made everyone else groan. Because that was just a cliche.

But then Derek Hale came along.

There were these nights they’d faced, when Stiles couldn’t sleep. When every time he closed his eyes, he’d be haunted by the memories. The memories, the monsters, and the horrid things that he couldn’t escape.

Those were nights that Derek would hold him close. Hold him close and whisper soft, comforting things. Gentle reinforcements. Quiet lullabies. Stories that they’d told each other over and over again when the nights got rough.

There were the little things. The little things that made Stiles wonder when he’d become one of those couples.

But this time was different.

He’d been kidnapped plenty of times. In the years before, Stiles used to be prime pack bait. He’d faced witches, warlocks, and monsters aplenty. He’d gotten comfortable in the tiniest of cells because he’d always known that somehow, somehow the rest of the pack was going to find him.

This time was different.

It kind of scared him more than anything.

Stiles didn’t even have a chance to get his bearings before the door to their cell opened up. Flinching back, he felt Derek’s grip tighten, and the light that poured in burned his eyes, making him look away.

The footsteps moved closer and someone grabbed him by the arms, hauling him up. Stiles yelped and tried to jerk loose as Derek let loose a loud, murderous roar.

Then for the second time that— day? Maybe?— there was a needle jabbed into his neck and Stiles groaned. Because the last time he’d felt this drugged up and woozy, he’d been on meds in the hospital after an unfortunate wendigo run-in. And that had been bad enough.

Derek was still snarling, but Stiles found himself going limp in the grip of his captors. As everything went dark, some part of him felt like he was used to this. Used to being the pack bait. The one knocked out and lugged around.

Another part of him was panicking.

Stiles thought if the last thing he did was hold Derek close, maybe this all wouldn’t be so bad.

You are my sunshine,

my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear,

how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

When Derek had first kissed him, it was the day after graduation.

Stiles didn’t think he’d ever forget that. Of course, he’d been so startled when Derek had shoved up his window, he’d nailed the man in the face with the reading light he kept next to his bed. But that totally hadn’t been his fault. Three years and counting, and Derek still hadn’t figured out how to use the front door.

The man had gotten over it eventually, though there had been an angry red mark on his forehead for a good fifteen minutes afterward. In fact, it was still there when Stiles had gone off on a rant about werewolves never knocking and Derek had pulled him in close, one kiss promptly shutting Stiles up for an hour.

It was all fine and dandy except Stiles had also accidentally hit him in the face in surprise.

But that’s what they did. Derek was constantly taking Stiles off guard and he sure as hell hoped he was doing the same. It was what they did.

Sometimes, it was the little things. Like the very first night Derek had been waiting in Stiles’s room after lacrosse practice and he’d nearly had a heart attack at seeing the man. And then there were the other times, like when Stiles had taken a dive into the pool to save an angry-browed werewolf that he’d accidentally dropped there in the first place.

So, Derek kissed him the day after Stiles’s graduation. Then he proceeded to vanish for a week and Stiles had to track the man down, knocking some sense into him before kissing Derek long and hard again.

Things had been a little less stressful since. Depending on the day, that is.

Stiles had spent a enough time pining after the Sourwolf that he took no time jumping Derek’s bones. One night in the same bed was Stiles’s best night of sleep since he first learned about werewolves and then Derek continued to show up in his bedroom almost every night after that.

It proved to be a very interesting conversation the one morning Stiles’s dad walked in.

The first big threat they faced after graduation was a coven of witches who kidnapped Stiles to be their virgin sacrifice. Because apparently, word hadn't spread yet that one particular Alpha had made sure that wasn’t the case anymore.

Stiles had only felt slightly bad when Derek tore them apart.

Then the first summer ended, he went off to Stanford, and even the miles between them didn’t stop Derek— or the betas, for that matter— from showing up randomly. Eventually, a rumor was started that Stiles was either part of a gang or in an open relationship with a bunch of models. He didn’t dispute either of those.

Stiles told Derek he loved him first. He figured the werewolf had initiated the first kiss, so he might as well have some leverage in the relationship.

Stiles never should have shown Derek Star Wars , though, because the man had replied with ‘I know’ and proceeded to smirk like a bastard when Stiles hit him over the head.

And the funny thing was, Stiles didn’t see them as one of ‘those couples’ until the first night Derek had sung him to sleep after a particularly bad nightmare. He woke up the next morning realizing that he would go to the literal end of the world for the man if he asked, and then that was it. He would do anything for Derek Hale.

It was all funny at one point.

Not so much anymore.

You told me once, dear, you really loved me

And no one else could come between

But now you've left me and love another

You have shattered all of my dreams

When the hunters came back with Stiles, Derek felt like he knew what it was like to be on the verge of going feral.

He thought the waiting had been the worst. Because some part of him had kept waiting, kept wondering if he was going to suddenly feel their bonds being broken. It was like losing a limb, Peter had once warned. But Derek thought it would be so much more if he lost Stiles.

If he lost Stiles—

Derek caught the boy’s scent seconds before the cell door opened up. That of cinnamon, spice, and blood. It made him both terrified and feral at the same time, and if the hunters would’ve had any idea what was going on in Derek’s head, they might have turned heel right there and fled.

But all they saw was a red-eyed werewolf, still half drugged.

When they’d taken Stiles, they’d injected more wolfsbane into his system. Enough to make Derek still for a moment too long as the door opened, wondering if it was some sort of hallucination, even though he knew it wasn’t. And then Stiles was dumped back into the cell.

Derek moved forward, gathering the boy up in his arms before his mind had even caught up.

Injuries were a common occurrence when someone dealt with supernatural threats as often as Derek and his pack did. But it never got any easier when he caught the faintest hint of blood on the boy. And this— this—

Fuck.

The first time Derek had seen Stiles hurt enough for it to be concerning, he’d finally realized the difference between the human and the wolf inside of him. Because one was terrified. And the other was downright murderous.

Derek hadn’t felt this bloodthirsty in a long time.

The black lines moving up his arms weren’t nearly moving fast enough as he cupped Stiles’s face. The teen groaned softly, stirring a little, and Derek could hear the spike of pain in the boy’s heartbeat. He hated himself for every moment that he couldn’t take all the pain away at once.

When Stiles finally opened his eyes, smiling tiredly with blood-stained teeth, Derek nearly broke down.

“Dammit, Stiles—”

“Hey, there, Sourwolf,” Stiles slurred, a hand reaching up and touching his cheek. There was dried blood on his fingertips too. Derek swallowed hard and turned his face into the touch, hating himself even more for how powerless he felt.

“I’m so sorry.”

Stiles huffed, then broke into a coughing fit. And some traitorous part of Derek’s mind realized that the last time Stiles had been hurt bad enough for it to be concerning, it wasn’t nearly as bad as this. It wasn’t nearly as bad.

Stiles’s forehead was hot to touch, but his fingers were ice cold.

“Okay,” Derek said, forcing himself out of his head. “We’ve got to get you out of here.”

Somehow, even in the darkness, even reflecting obvious pain, Stiles’s eyes danced. “You’ve got a plan, Sourwolf?”

Derek didn’t. He didn’t have the slightest idea.

But smirking, he just raised an eyebrow and hoped it looked more convincing than he felt. “I’m the Alpha.”

“That’s so not a good plan, dude.”

Glancing back up at the cell door, Derek wondered for a moment if they’d come for him soon, too. That’s what he’d expected in the beginning. He’d expected to be the one they took. Because he could heal, dammit. He could put himself back together.

But Stiles was just human.

Clenching his jaw, Derek turned his eyes back down to Stiles. The boy’s gaze was hazy, but he was still awake. “Can you tell me what they wanted?”

“What hunters always want,” Stiles said, coughing again. The blood speckled his lips now. “Something to go after.”

“Stiles…”

“I didn’t give anything to them,” Stiles said, eyes glinting a little. And that bloody smirk was so damn proud, it made Derek’s heart skip a beat. “I told them to go fuck themselves, at least. But we’ll be fine. The pack will be here soon.”

Once more, Derek’s throat tightened. He forced himself to nod. “Yeah.”

“I mean, I totally believe in Boyd.”

Derek huffed and Stiles closed his eyes for a moment, taking a few sharp breaths. Quickly, Derek caught the hand still touching his cheek and lowered it across the boy’s chest, squeezing gently. Stiles made a small noise at the back of his throat and Derek realized it was a laugh.

“I don’t believe in the others so much, though.”

“No.”

“But don’t tell them I said that.”

“Never.”

When Stiles finally opened his eyes again, there was nothing but fondness in his gaze. It broke Derek’s heart. “Hey, Der?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re mine, you know that?”

Derek swallowed. “I know, Stiles.”

“You’re my sunshine.”

“I— I know.”

“The only one I ever needed.”

Derek looked down at him quietly. Stiles’s eyes fluttered closed again after a moment, and the boy turned his face into Derek’s chest, thumb brushing against the back of Derek’s hand. Taking a shuddering breath, Derek closed his eyes too, squeezing a little tighter. He almost didn’t want to hold onto those last few words.

Because they couldn’t be Stiles's last.

They couldn’t.

You are my sunshine,

my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear,

how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

In the hours that stretched on, the hunters didn’t come back.

Stiles felt a little bit like someone had taken a sledgehammer to his everything and a little bit like the drugs in his system had done something to his brain, the world moving sluggishly as he drifted in and out of sleep.

When the faint light coming from underneath the cell door dimmed, Stiles figured it was nighttime. That’s when the temperature dropped. Derek hadn’t seemed to notice right away, though, arms wrapped around Stiles’s shoulders. But the moment he shivered, Stiles felt the grip tighten, and then Derek was maneuvering him carefully, so Stiles was even more enveloped in the werewolf’s body heat, feeling like he was curled right up against a heater.

He chuckled hoarsely into the man’s chest, faintly noticing it was speckled with blood. His blood, Stiles realized after a moment too long.

“It’s the middle of summer, Sourwolf,” Stiles said, turning his gaze upward a little. “Why the hell is it so cold?”

Derek looked pained. Stiles stared at him for a moment longer and then blinked, dropping his gaze again.

“It’s not, is it?”

“You’re going to be alright, Stiles.”

Stiles was the master at bullshit answers. And that one wouldn’t have even hit his top ten list. “You’re a terrible liar, Der.”

The man didn’t answer. Stiles blinked hard again, realizing for the first time how tight his throat had gotten.

“I don’t feel bad,” he said. “A little sore, but that’s all.”

Once more, Derek stayed silent. But Stiles felt his arms tighten around him just a little, before quickly loosening again. As if Derek couldn’t figure out how tight to hold on.

“I don’t feel bad,” Stiles said again. Derek pressed a kiss against the top of his head.

“Okay, Stiles.”

“Really.”

“That’s good.”

Stiles sniffed, leaning further into the werewolf’s body head and closing his eyes. If he tried hard enough, he could imagine it was just another night. One of those when Stiles woke up trembling and Derek was wrapped around him in a second, whispering soft nothings in his ear as Stiles came down from the edge and stopped panicking.

He swallowed hard. “Can you sing to me, Sourwolf?”

As close as he was, Stiles could hear Derek’s heartbeat in his chest. He could hear how it skipped a beat and the man took a sharp breath before one hand moved up and traced through his hair. “Of course.”

There were things he could say, Stiles figured. Ways he could reassure the man once more.

He felt guilty, staying silent as his entire body ached.

The first time Derek had sung to him, it was after a nightmare. And the man had been quiet for what felt like hours afterward, before telling him that Laura used to sing back in New York. Mostly after nightmares, sometimes just because.

Sometimes, because she needed it more than him.

Stiles thought he was the one who needed it right now. But when Derek’s fingers traced down over the back of his neck and Stiles realized they were trembling slightly, he was no longer so sure.

“You’re my sunshine,” Derek murmured, the words more of a whisper than anything else. And it felt private.

Safe.

“My only sunshine.”

In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me

When I awake my poor heart pains

So when you come back and make me happy

I'll forgive you dear, I'll take all the blame

Derek hated the silence.

Stiles’s heart didn’t skip a beat until what felt like hours later. It skipped just one beat, Derek told himself, half-asleep with Stiles in his lap. One quick beat, pausing right underneath the boy’s skin. So soft, he might not have felt it if the silence and stillness around them wasn’t so heavy.

But it was just a skip. One skip.

It wasn’t until Derek was nearly fully unconscious that he realized one skip was taking much too long.

When was one skip supposed to start again?

“Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

Tagging @furrypersonheart to take some blame for this fic because they suggested this be written

#sterek #teen wolf #sterekweek2020 #teen wolf au #sterek au #stiles stilinski #derek hale #teen wolf edit #sterek edit #derek hale x stiles stilinski #angst #open/ambiguous ending #grey ending #lyric fic #ficlet #you have every right to hate me

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fandom-sheep · 3 years

Text

MCC 18 SEP 21

Yellow Yacks and Cyan Coyotes with a little Aqua Axolotls. Part 1/1

The only reason I didn’t forget MCC was because I got the notification for Eret.

I have Wilbur on my TV. I’m going to watch Eret on my phone. And I’ll have Tommy on my iPad probably.

Wilbur throwing a tantrum and saying he won’t play.

I feel like a true Gen Z member with my multiple screens of minecraft.

I’m only just getting the Wilbur notification.

I love watching everyone run around before MCC and scale things.

Griefing the thumbnail. 😂

Wilbur just causes problems on purpose when it comes to group photos doesn’t he.

He just loves finding ways to cause problems.

Wilbur got a coconut!?!

I didn’t mean to type the question mark originally. But I am a bit confused.

Wilbur just stocking up on coconuts

True friendship is a quote book. I have several.

Baby banana boo.

Wait. I heard the word tumblr

Scott what did you do with tumblr?

I’m scared. Only Eret permitted on tumblr.

I remember watching hole in the wall as a tv show as a kid.

Wilbur’s glasses that don’t do anything.

There are September discounts for subbing?

Neato.

The conversations in my work discord are something else.

Not surprised that Wilbur is going for top swearer of MCC

But my residents are going to walk by my door and judge me.

Alright I apparently wasn’t signed in to twitch on my iPad and it took me entirely too long to learn to remember it.

Tommy looks like he’s really concentrating. Oh wait never mind.

Wow the yaks are in first currently. I might be cheering for a winning team for once.

Alright I have my iPad split screen between Tommy and the MCC website.

Everyone break the elevator!

In the game, not in the building I work. I don’t want that paperwork.

Stick together and place many block.

I’ve been in Wilburs position. “I’ll be captain” “yeah let’s let Wilbur be captain”

Not a single POV I have up is synced. But that’s life.

Oh not starting out strong.

Just keep going. Ignore the falling people just like ranboo last time.

We are at the absolute bottom for this game.

Where’s a bag of popcorn or something?

“Stay down there. That’s how I won that one time” -Ranboo

Down they go.

They didn’t have anywhere to run.

Second round!

Oh that wasn’t their best idea. It was fun seeing Erets POV of that.

Go Teams.

Turning down the volume on yellow yacks to listen to aqua axolotls.

Aqua please. You have so much potential.

Nope.

Switching audio again.

Yellow back at the bottom.

Ranboo ranboo ranboo ranboo

Down he goes. 😂 the timing of that was funny.

Please. Don’t die

Wilbur. Scott. Please.

Scott uncovering the creeper.

Their plan is literally just sit and be.

To be fair that’s my plan for everything I do.

Oh cobwebs are smart.

I’m eating very salty Chick-fil-A chips and need water.

We are still doing ok. Wow.

Cobwebs man. The real MVP.

They are still in 10th

COBWEBS!!! And Wilbur standing on the edge of a block.

THEY WON THAT?!?!!!!

It moved them from last to eight. But still. Wow.

Holy cow. How did that happen.

I always forget what the acronym game is.

Oh yeah. Wilbur snuck and found this. I remember.

Go team!

Oh the website updates faster than the game. But we’re starting off decent.

I’m going to have to take back that statement aren’t I?

Go go go go

Fly fly fly fly

Build build build build

Go Wilbur!

Rafter strat.

Wilbur found the rafters and everyone else loved it.

Blocking his own jump. 😂

I really should do the inside joke chair emoji thing for laughing. But I don’t care.

Tiktok is nice. Depends on the side you are on, but it’s nice.

We are doing halfway decent. I’m proud of us.

Wilbur is struggling and I think he might cry.

Not bad. I don’t think.

Power sweater.

This game in MCC has rainbow road vibes

I’ll have to make that it’s own post since I feel that’ll be popular ish.

Holy cow we hit first on the website!! How?

Ranboo sweet one.

They said no peaking to Wilbur.

Wilbur making them block stuff off and the like is so funny.

Run yaks run!

I missed the moment Wilbur just mentioned. Oh well I’m sure I’ll see the clip.

First last first.

Hey 4th overall. Look at em.

Wilbur switching to full screen to show us his M&Ms.

Let me balance my water bottle on the bedpost above my head. No way this could possibly go wrong in multiple ways.

Double coins. Gorgeous.

Chickens are being sniped.

What’s going to work? TEAM WORK!

I don’t think I have ever watched a game of grid runners in my life?

Alright game should start any second because it started on the website.

Alright stream is delayed about 13 seconds.

Go teams go!

Wilbur just sniping targets.

We’re doing ok.

All this dirt.

Go go go

We’re completing things first.

Cake!

Wilbur got in!

Now they eat

Oh but they are falling.

Oh wow the painting is complicated. My friends and I would fail to communicate so fast.

Is this lever thing just find the button but complicated?

Go you got the levers!

Items grab!

My friends and I would seriously struggle unless I was allowed the lead. But I would lead us off a cliff.

Everyone get ready to go in as soon as the cake is done.

Exit! You guys are so close! Please!

Woohoo!

Go Ranboo! Go Scott!

Come on guys. Come on. Good communication.

I think I like watching Wilbur with MCC because he had a similar strategy to what I would do.

Wilbur why did you try to act cool!!!

They keep saying they are miles ahead but not according to that scoreboard.

You placed 3rd. Good job y’all.

I’m excited for bonuses.

They have another minute until the others run out of time.

Good soup.

Oh wow. Ranboo and Wilbur really are always totgehe.

We are doing well. I see the board changing on the website so much.

Where will they land.

Looks like 2nd or 3rd

Fourth overall. Not bad.

Lap time is logical.

Audience vote?

Look at me redownloading twitter.

Can you not see how others have voted on twitter?

Oh there it is. It only showed mine for a sec there.

Battle box looks close. I voted ace race.

Oh it all looks close right now.

Long break my beloved.

I don’t have time to start my laundry but still. My beloved.

Game 5/8 so MCC won’t be too much longer.

I look up and Wilbur is shaking his ass at George. I’m not surprised.

Phil and Sneeg judging Wilbur.

Wilbur twerking on Phil and Sneeg joining.

Poor Phil.

Wilbur just having visited so many random places with so many random words just gathered.

Oh wow parkour tag is low. But so is sands.

Oh wow it was a tie. Between Sands and Parkour

“Wilbur is Sand Daddy” -Scott and then all the agreement noises.

Sands of Time is my favorite practical game

Maybe because Wilbur is really good at it. And Ranboo had been trained by him.

This is just good.

I swear Sand daddy is going to kill me during this.

I am just going to pass away.

My stream delay though.

Wilbur who says he stays very quiet as he makes circus music noises.

Minecraft Rhinos. Because I can’t spell their real name.

I don’t quite understand sand of time. But I like watching. It’s like college football.

I am missing the only college football game I care about for MCC.

Go Team.

No blue yet.

All the mobs.

“You better not die” sung to the tune of Santa clause is coming yo town. -Wilbur

Keep it up guys.

Oh no. They lost the key.

Oh good they found the key.

You can tell Wilbur had a musicians brain. He just hears something vaguely lyrical and starts singing a song.

Gotta promote your band whenever you can I guess.

I listened to the last Ep for like an hour and a half yesterday while I went about my day.

I wonder how we’re doing?

Only a few seconds.

I could warm a heating pad in the amount fo time they have left.

Ranboo doing these puzzles so amazingly.

Quit caring about what others think. Just do your thing.

I swear the sand daddy thing.

I love the cage of shame for not tracking your sand.

I zoned out. Red cyan orange?

We’re almost 15 minutes into sands.

I want to play Minecraft on my iPad right now.

Wait the website updated. We were 6th?

Yikes. I thought they did better.

3rd overall though!

Wait what was that about most influential improv thingy? Good for them.

Build mart!

Oh Ace Race. Wilbur calling Ace Race his girlfriend now.

I want to see the enemies to lovers fan fictions of Ace race and Wilbur.

Oh wait I can do that. I can verbally tell one like I have others in the past.

I’m excited to watch this.

Wilbur flirt with the race.

I’m not mentally prepared for this.

Everyone just joined because they don’t want to miss Wilbur x Ace Race.

Oh no. He’s not doing so well.

Oh Wilbur is giving us more.

Complicated history…

Whispering to Ace Race and Solidarity.

You’ve got it Wilbur.

Keep on talking. Keep your brain busy while you play.

Mommmm Wilbur is flirting with Ace Race again!

He’s whispering though so I can’t quite hear it and will have to find a clip channel that added subtitles.

Oh teams are changing on the website.

“What are you doing in my women Philza?” -Wilbur

“I will end your bloodline which is canonically also me.” -Wilbur

I can not track all the quotes from this. That’s beyond my abilities.

Wilbur did halfway decent, but it still uncomfortable.

Ace Race is a person now. Also the fact that Wilbur compliments Ace Race so much.

Sally v. Ace Race.

I want to find that fanart now.

Scott honey. Confirmed cannon is everyone fancies the fish.

4th. Not bad.

We’re still talking Ace Race x Wilbur

Build mart! My dearest buildmart!

I miss them sliding around in the sleds.

Grab da flowers!

We’re in 1st at the minute.

Come on yaks!

No coyotes!

Hurry hurry hurry.

Work discord going it’s thing again.

Oh we’re dropping fast.

Move the redstone! Thank you

Alright back on top. Keep it up.

Nevermind.

I love the way the build spaces for the different teams work.

Who is the person on the build?

Oh first again? Nevermind.

Oh we popped up to second. We’re so behind. Come on.

Duck!

Good soup energy. Now all I can think is the bi wide energy song.

Time is running out.

Yeah we aren’t catching up to first. Just hold second.

Where is granite?

Game over.

Third overall now. Not bad. Last game time they can possibly pull it into dodge bolt.

I need to go get a picture with the President of the university for a game with my work.

Good Soup.

I’m sitting here making popcat noises while waiting.

Game time! Go team! Survive!

Wait where did the steamer go? I wasn’t paying attention.

He’s back.

He’s swearing for his points on the swearing list.

Is pee a soup? No. I don’t think it’s think enough under normal circumstances.

Karl is apparently swearing according to Twitter. Good for him. He deserves to swear some as a treat.

Everyone running and leaving shubble.

Oh good they are all together.

Just keep running.

4th so far.

Cars. Beep beep.

Ranboo breath child.

Calling Wilbur like some kind of golden retriever.

Bow boy

Scott is leader now. Because otherwise they are arguing.

We are playing the don’t die strategy.

Come on team.

Did I put my cut in this post? I did.

Ranboo having stolen the airdrop. And he has a thing!

Oh the boarder is right behind them.

They are fighting Dream?

Nice Will.

We’re in fourth.

Boarder is right there.

Sapnap? Nope.

Pink attack and they book it.

Oh no. There goes Wilbur.

Is it just Scott?

Scott vs the world.

Just Organe and pink. They came third.

GO ORANGE!

Please. Please let us do it.

Overall third. Pink overtook yellow.

Sadness.

Ranboo has achieved: Found Hated Game

Ranboo has been hit by Survival games so many times now.

If they had just lasted a tiny bit longer they would have come second.

Cheering Orange I suppose.

I have no skill at picking winner POVs.

I have 3 teams I was at least kinda watching. And none of them are in dodgebolt.

Gosh can hear Ranboo tweaking.

Wow. Yellow yaks just as a team twerking.

What is Wilbur chewing on? Wilbur don’t chew on things that probably aren’t meant to be chewed on.

I can hear the band outside of my window. I think my campuses football game is starting.

The drum line practiced outside my window all the beginning of the semester so it’s fun seeing them march to the stadium.

Oh and there are the cheerleaders.

Oh right I was watching MCC! Who’s winning?

Come on Orange. So close.

Wait I looked out my window. Why is the band walking back to where they were?

Along the sidewalk?

I thought it was game time for a minute.

Oh dodgebolt could go either way.

Distracted by Jesus.

Grian! You got this!

Nice Grian.

Oh Grian has a chance!

Oh!

It’s so close!

Ooo ooo!

I’m so invested.

I SEE THE CONFETTI IN THE SITE! But I don’t want to miss the shot.

Come on Grian.

I know you do it. But you’ve got this

YESSSSS

Woo hoo!!

That was a good MCC. Now to do the chores and homework I originally planned to do today.

That was a nice stream.

Scott is separating Ranboo and Wilbur?

Please. Scott.

Don’t separate the beings.

You know. Twitter needs to politely bully Scott into keeping Ranboo and Will together.

Oop and that’s Wilbur done. That was fun.

See y’all next time!

#mcc #wilbur soot #ranboo #Scott #dangthatsalongname #shubble #yellow yaks #delayed liveblogging

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xcziel · 3 years

Text

get to know me

tagged by @vishcount (thank you!!) and i'll follow her format bc making two posts seems a little much - i'm not that interesting!!

(hilariously, this post shows up as blocked for me bc of the tag 'joker' which? tumblr?????)

Part I

name: i'm an internet old, so i never use my real name online, mainly because it's spelled in a very unique way (thanks mom & dad) - i mean like, if you googled it you could find my home address in a few seconds kind of unique - but also, though i do enjoy the spelling, i actually don't like it very much when it's said out loud? (is it weird that my name written down is 'me', but my name aloud has never felt like 'me'?) always wanted a nickname but never acquired one :/

at any rate, i've had the username xcziel forever and i go by that 😊 (pronounced ex-SEE-zee-el, similar to etc. or ex-SET-er-ah! thanks @xia-xueyi for pointing out that it can be confusing to guess!)

rest behind a cut because it got long!

pronouns: she/her

star sign: i don't ... really *do* astrology? but technically saggitarius

height: 5'4" (162.5cm for the intl folks)

time: 5:43pm but these thing take me forever to type out so ... ???

birthday: playing the 'internet old' card again .. but it floats around american Thanksgiving depending on the year

nationality: american

fave bands/groups/solo artists: lumping these together because i just .. don't really do music much anymore. if you had asked me this back in my 20s i'm sure i would have had all kinds of opinions and things to share, but these days i actually mostly prefer to listen music from when i was a kid. part of it is also that as an old, i prefer to buy my music, even digitally, and i don't really use spotify - which does so much to enable diverse music exploration i admit! but i mostly have earplugs in all the time and music does not work for me as background noise, so...

so i guess my answer would be 70s disco and classic rock and 80s new wave artists? i've never liked any artist's entire discography and prefer greatest hits-type compilations, but i guess duran duran and def leppard and depeche mode would be considered formative? i love new order but specifically late 80s new order, NOT joy division. the only concert t-shirt i've ever worn was the cult? i loved sonic temple but i can't listen to most of it anymore though i still adore love removal machine. i think maybe if you get old enough, for some of us there's TOO MUCH good music and we can't pare it down anymore

song stuck in your head: jamiroquai's canned heat

last movie you watched: re: the above, i re-watched center stage, the 2000 one with zoe saldana and the mandy moore soundtrack, bc it's a happy comfort movie and i just got a digital version

last show you binged: i can't really "binge" very often bc after a couple of hours i need a break, so i guess i'd say the tgcf donghua on netflix since it was short enough to get through all in one go

when you created your blog: in 2012 i stopped lurking so i could post about the avengers movie

the last thing you googled: 5'4" in cm? lol before that it was chinese wrapped street food

other blogs: everything is here! i discovered i compartmentalize about as well as i tag reliably (😓) but i do have several automated ao3feed-tag style sideblogs. and i did, very briefly, have a *winces* hockey sideblog too

why i chose my url: ooh i know i've done this before, sorry if it's repetitive, basically it was the username i picked back when my family first got aol: short, unique combo of letters - 14-year-old me really thought about it! and then it wouldn't let me use anything other than my name. thirty-some-odd years later, trying to come up with a livejournal username that wasn't already taken and getting fed up, i plugged it in and went: good enough!

how many people are you following: like 760-something last i checked? although many, many, many of them are deactivated

how many followers do you have: idk i don't like looking at that stuff, but way fewer than i am following

average hours of sleep: it varies too much day by day, my sleep schedule is too wonky, i have no idea what the average would be

lucky numbers: 7? cliché i know, and again not really buying into it, but somewhere in my hindbrain i like it that my first, middle, and last names all have seven letters

instruments: none. i like singing

what i'm currently wearing: giant black t-shirt and baggy black drawstring shorts, standard sitting around the house gear

dream job: don't have one. if i did it would give me something to be working towards *sigh* this is how you end up in retail for decades, kids! but also, to quote a random post i saw in true tumblr fashion "i simply do not dream of labor"

dream trip: covered this one before but: back to the uk and some railway daytrips, or a really fancy northern cruise, atlantic/pacific either one

fave food: uhhh, don't really have a favorite but i'm almost always in the mood for pizza

top three fictional universe you'd like to live in: none really, if i had to still be me..maybe some kind of actually utopian future? but the pandemic has confirmed for me that i do NOT like living in interesting times, so most fictional story universes are RIGHT out. my favorites to read about like discworld or diana wynne jones' worlds would be way to chaotic for my comfort. possibly diane duane's young wizards universe would be safe enough to be okay?

Part II

last song: watching center stage made me think of my dance playlist so sunrise by simply red

last movielast stream: i don't watch streams or youtube often, so it was the same as you, vish! liu chang's birthday stream was SO enjoyable i screenrecorded the entire thing just so i could play it back (and maybe gif sometime if i ever get the drive to actually do it)

currently reading: well i just finished the translated quan qiu gao kao or global university entrance exam novel, which was sparked purely from catching a single rec post here on tumblr and basically just *falling* into this 166 chapter epic that is *amazing* and not coming up for air until i got to the end, which is typical novel-reading behavior for me (yes i was the kid who read through lunch period and got hassled by people who kept pestering me with "what're you reading" questions and yes i realize probably a lot of you on tumblr were too) plus, the new murderbot novel is out tomorrow!!!!! so that'll be where i end up next!

currently watching: the entire dmbj verse (that i can get my hands on) but ... sporadically and stopping at random different parts because the thing is ... this type of show is not really the kind i enjoy so much? so since it's more for "research" and learning character arcs (and let's be honest: shots of liu sang), etc. it's easy to get distracted by other stuff. i'm also watching the sleuth of the ming dynasty, mr queen, bromance, the expanse, re-watching farscape and stargate sg-1, just finished the falcon and the winter soldier, and then anytime something new and short gets introduced it jumps the queue. there are just. so. many. things. to. watch! (now i have to look into anti-fraud league too!? you all are cruel ...)

what is antipoetry to you: i ... don't really think much about poetry? i know what i prefer is usually the more basic rhymed kind like lewis carroll, emily dickinson, poe, coleridge, etc. so i suppose i don't have much use for classifying non-rhyming verse? i can appreciate stuff like rupi kaur which i guess would qualify? or that william carlos williams plums poem? but it doesn't really stick with me the way lyric-like verse does

currently craving: i never know what exactly this is meant to be in reference to ... hmmm, i would love a new high-concept, high production-quality movie like say, pacific rim, to be released, just for that massive, excited energy that comes with something new that hasn't already got tons of disappointing or conflicting history behind it - that would be so fun!!

other than that, right now, i mostly kinda want some fried fish? but that will have to wait until i go to get my second vaccine shot on wednesday since it's on the way there. i'd also like my internal body parts to settle down and fly right but it's been more than a month and they don't seem inclined :(((( maybe once i'm fully vaxxed i'll think about consulting somebody about it

tagging @foxofninetales @xia-xueyi @momosandlemonsoda @memorydragon @thewindsofsong @elvencantation @mylastbraincql @hesayshesgotboyfriend @aurawolfgirl2000 @smaragdine-galaxy and anyone who wants to! but never feel obligated and if you don't get around to it for like half a year that's totally fine, i am still interested!!!

#xcedit #is my only like 'me' tag #tag game #long post #i wanna do one of these with more unusual questions but not like those themed ones ...#tell me if the cut doesn't work i'm still not used to having them on mobile!

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4trackcassette · 3 years

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what songs/albums would you recommend as an introduction to the pet shop boys?

omg what an awesome message to wake up to...definitely worked on this instead of my homework this morning. i love pet shop boys even though sarah @viir-tanadhal only got me into them in like, august or september (she is THE psb expert along with @loiteringdiligently).

in my opinion, pet shop boys are like, the best 80s synthpop group. chris lowe is the keyboardist and writes some absolutely incredible music...he has picked all their covers which are all just. wow. neil tennant is the vocalist and writes some really phenomenal lyrics. his voice is quote melancholy which creates a really lovely juxtaposition in the psb sound. anyway, lets get into it.

their top hits...a good place to start

“always on my mind” is the first psb song i really got into! it’s a cover of a song made popular by elvis and it’s just really fun synthpop

“being boring” has been described to me as psb’s magnum opus - and it really is brilliant. addressing the aid’s crisis and growing up, this song from their 1990 album behavior is gorgeous and incredible

“left to my own devices” is another one of my favorites. it’s more of a speak-singing style but the orchestration and lyricism is some of their best and holds a lovely tension

“it’s a sin” is a catholic school banger (as a bruce fan i know you get it)

“go west” is another cover of a village people song about being gay and going to sf after the aids crisis. another massive banger

other songs that i think SLAP and show off some elements of why they are great

“love etc” i have been getting my roommate into psb and this is one of his favorites. it’s really pop and very fun

“i wouldn’t normally do this kind of thing” is a wonderful gay dance song about being in love and i love it

“the last to die” is from their 2013 album and is a SPRINGSTEEN COVER!!!! i almost forgot to put it on here...but its really good obviously

“bilingual” is much more latin influenced. a very fun, very bisexual song

“the sodom and gomorrah show” this is another song with great orchestration and build up. should have been a single

“home and dry” is off their most acoustic album which i am a HUGE fan of. yearn-y

“will-o-the-wisp” and “burning the heather” are both off their most recent album. will-o-the-wisp shows that they still can make absolute bangers. “burning the heather” is just a really sweet, gorgeous song because i feel like this list under-represents their skill at slow songs

“west end girls” was their first no1 and the quintessential psb hit. honestly it’s not my favorite but i figure i can’t make this list without it lol

albums!

actually is their second album (fairly similar to their first and also incredible please) which i think really shows off their early sound. if list rankings matter to you, it was on the rolling stone top 500 albums of all time lol, and includes some hits that i didn’t previously rec like “what have i done to deserve this” (with dusty springfield) and “opportunities (lets make lots of money)” and lots of tongue-in-cheek political commentary like “shopping”

very is my favorite album. it is a great balance of phenomenal songwriting and incredible tunes with interesting and clever lyrics across a variety of emotions, and it’s a little more filled out than actually. it has a phenomenal album tracklist that just flows and i like to listen to it when i run. my favs that havent already been recced are “yesterday when i was mad” and “young offender.” “can you forgive her” and “dreaming of the queen” are both really great lyrically as well.

behavior is also one of their best works. at first i honestly didn’t like it that much because its a little more chill and good for listening to when ur in a mood. along with “being boring,” “this is the place i waited years to leave” “to face the truth” and “so hard” are all songs i like a lot

one of these three is probably the best to start with and will get you acquainted with psb. they have 14 studio albums, all of which are pretty good, and definitely encompass a range of different emphases from like, electronic acoustic to edm club bangers

further watching/listening

they performed this medley at the 2009 brit awards with lady gaga and brandon flowers (there is also a studio version on spotify) that sounds awesome and is a great introduction to their many years of hits

if you’re a killers fan...they do a great remix of “read my mind” and they performed “always on my mind” together at glastonbury 2019

they did a very fun song with robbie williams called “she’s madonna” which is very 00s pop, and produced “losing my mind” for liza minnelli. both good listens that you can feel the psb influence in

i just like their live version of “girls and boys” by blur idk

their music video for “how can you expect to be taken seriously” makes fun of bruce springsteen (not like..in a bad way?) among others (and neil wears a “butch” belt lol). i love this AND their cover of “where the streets have no name”

if you are really bored and want to read a little...

this is an incredibly good retrospective review of their 1990 album of behavior

this is a good recent article from the guardian about their career, their new album, and helps you get a little bit of a handle on their dynamic. i just like it because they say that the acoustic guitar should be banned

okay i really typed SO much because i was having so much fun so i hope something on this list catches your eye! i am happy to talk about psb all the time as both sarah and my roommates know so PLEASE let me know what you think of whatever you listen to!

#ask #pet shop boys #i really spent WAY too long on this when i should have been doing work but thats ok bc it was fun #also this IS sarah approved #faithforgottenland

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indestinatus · 4 years

Text

Yellow Brick Road

TIVATOBER 2020 // DAY 17

↳ prompt: Scarecrow - rated T (1,726 words)

summary: Alone in the hideout from Sahar, Ziva finds herself doing something she didn’t expect, which brings back memories from the past.

A/N: also known as - if you chose to read one story of this whole series, please let this be the one.

read it on AO3 🌾

Heavy rain poured down on the gray tiles of the sidewalk. There was enough water on the street to reflect the blurry traffic lights and undefined skylines, at least until a car passed by and splashed it all over the closed stores. Umbrellas piled up in front of a popular restaurant and some moved across the street, but Ziva’s vision was out of focus enough to only distinguish them as blurs of color, disappearing quickly.

It had been hours since she had passed the point of tiredness, now breathing only out of instinct. Her eyelids burned but she kept them open, watching the skies fall.

It was rare for her to need a break like this, though it was turning even more frequent these days. She could only track Sahar down for so long - with just a name, the mysterious woman quickly vanished only to reappear again in another city a few weeks later - and after so many failed attempts of getting to her, Ziva decided to wait until they came to her instead.

That usually didn’t take long.

A taxi stopped just in front of her and a man rushed to open the door, motioning for a woman just behind him to enter ahead. She did so hurriedly, holding what looked like the man’s suit over her head as she disappeared into the backseat of the car.

A second later, the man did the same, hastily running a hand through his wet hair before disappearing. Ziva thought she saw him smile to himself, but the car sped up and she lost track of them before she could confirm.

Two strangers she would never see again, nor hear the end of their story.

She didn’t really process how or why, but suddenly she found her reflection staring back at her, heavy bags under her eyes and hair dripping wet. Ziva blinked, realizing she had crossed the street and now stood in front of the glass door she’d been watching from the opposite side all evening.

Before she could change her mind, Ziva’s hands moved on their own accord and pulled the door open. Blaming the tiredness for her poor choices, she stepped into the movie theater, searching for the ticket booth.

The air conditioning of the room made her soaked clothes feel cold. She picked a spot near the exit, blending into the shadows. In a second she had memorized all viable routes of escape, but it had been more out of habit than from a real necessity.

Her heart was in her throat when the main title started to play. It was this loud melody with a classic tune to it, the high notes revealing the passage of time. As the title appeared, nostalgia burned in her chest. It had been too long since she’d last seen it, way too long.

“I thought this was a colored one.”

“Do you really want me to spoil it to you, woman?”

“I’ve read the book, you know.”

“Then how come you always manage to quote it wrong?”

“How do you know they’re the right lines? Perhaps they’re different in the book.”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“Yes. Exactly. You would not know.”

“Don’t brag now. You’re the one who hasn't seen a movie that’s seventy years old.”

“I had other things to do.”

“That’s older than Gibbs.”

“That’s older than you.”

“Miss David. You hurt me this way.”

“Shush. It’s about to start.”

“You… Wicked Witch of the West.”

“Hm… Doesn’t she die?”

“You’ll have to watch and see.”

It knocked the breath out of her. She already knew it was coming, but the sudden change from sepia to technicolor was still a marvelous thing to see. Bright colors invited the viewer to enter this brand new world, and Ziva let herself get lost in the songs and the details.

The room was almost empty, some people scattered across the rows ahead. She wondered if they had seen this movie before. Probably, considering how old it was. Though she knew the story by heart, it was because she’d read the book a dozen times while growing up, it being a classic in her mother’s personal library.

He had teased her the whole day when he discovered she’d never watched it. She remembered it clearly—quoting lines and singing lyrics, he’d succeeded in driving her crazy enough for her to give in, which led to them renting a DVD copy on a free Friday night. She brought the beers and he led the place, the one between them who had a television at home.

Tony’s selective memory always surprised her, though his insistence in getting under her skin was a force on its own. He would bug her until he got what he wanted, and she was used to it—most times great at fighting back—but some days she just wanted to give in and see that typical smile of his, the one that stretched over his face until the corners of his eyes got wrinkled.

She could picture it so clearly, the image still imprinted under her eyelids.

It was a memory she visited often, that day. It had been one of those moments no one could know it would become a memory until it did. Their laughter, the sureness of safety and the genuine feeling of happiness were things that still warmed her heart, whenever she thought of it. They were so young and worry-free, she always felt a sting of regret for not cherishing the moment more when it was happening.

Dorothy reached a crossroad, unsure of which path to go next. When the Scarecrow changed the arm that pointed where to go, some people chuckled, and Ziva smiled weakly. He had always been her favorite one of the group. There was something really endearing about his clumsiness and care. He was smarter than he would ever know, and it was a charming quality she rarely saw in people.

“How can you talk if you haven’t got a brain?” quizzed Dorothy, tilting her head.

“I don’t know,” replied the Scarecrow. “But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't you think?”

“Yes!”

“And what do you mean by that?”

“Nothing.”

“Yeah… Right.”

“What? It’s true. Plus, he’s cute.”

“He’s a scarecrow.”

“So…?”

“Don’t tell me you’re turned on by a scarecrow.”

“I did not say I was ‘turned on’. You are wiggling my words.”

“Twisting.”

“I thought it had been a twister.”

“Just… Watch. See? Now your scarecrow is also part of the narrative.”

“I like him.”

“Sometimes I just can’t respect you.”

“He talks a lot.”

“You say that to me all the time!”

“Well, you do talk a lot.”

“Are you admitting to like me, David?”

“I will call Ducky right away. We finally solved it - your brain is there, only it is made out of straw.”

“Ha-ha. Very funny.”

“Hm.”

Ziva felt her heart clench when the thought of Tony showing it to Tali crossed her mind. Had he done the same? Was he excited over little details and quoted its famous lines just like he did with her? Or did it remind him of them? Did they ever get the chance to watch it together or he avoided it? She certainly stared at the movie theater marquise for hours before she gave in, the tiredness making her too vulnerable.

She missed him so much her bones ached from it.

Ziva wondered if she would ever feel the same again. That flickering in her chest whenever they spoke in riddles, both of them catching each other’s stolen glances more frequently than not. They had always been good in sharing non-verbal cues, and even if they bickered until one of them got tired, the silence was the one thing she missed the most.

To be able to be understood like that by someone else, it was the closest she had ever been to love.

“Oh,” confided Dorothy to the Scarecrow, “I think I’ll miss you most of all.”

She pressed a kiss to his cheek, saying goodbye. Both of them were too emotional to say anything else, Dorothy wiping the tears with her hand and him giving her a sad smile. There was something incredibly bittersweet to have known it would have come to this all along.

Ziva struggled to breathe. She didn’t recall when exactly she had started crying, but she couldn’t see a thing now. There were only blurs.

She tried to remember the last time she did cry. Her chest ached from keeping it silent, the loud beating of her heart the only thing she could hear. She knew it would happen as soon as she bought that ticket, but there was something quite soothing about being in a dark room where no one else knew her.

She could finally be free, even if for a brief moment.

Ziva stood up before the credits started rolling. Hastily wiping the tears from her face, she exited to the street, hoping for once that she was really invisible, and no one would approach her now.

The rain had stopped. It was much darker now, though the street lights seemed brighter. The line of people outside of the restaurant had disappeared, probably already inside. Some taxis were available at the other side of the street, but she preferred walking. She couldn’t take any risks now, knowing she could quickly become the prey.

Ziva looked up to the sky, clenching her jaw. Letting the cold air inundate her lungs, she tried to ease her breathing. Tony and Tali were somewhere safe, far away from there, but at least they were under the very same sky. She wondered if it was raining there. She wondered if they were okay.

Closing her eyes, she pictured them again. Happy. She needed them happy, even if it meant they had found happiness without her. There was no other way to keep her going, other than to imagine them alive. Even if it looked like nothing more than a dream, she needed them there, safe, tucked away in her heart.

When Ziva opened her eyes again, the sadness had already been buried.

With Dorothy’s words still ringing in her mind, she ducked her head, following the gray brick road into an adjacent alleyway.

There is no place like home, she had said.

And wishing for nothing more than a pair of ruby slippers, Ziva David disappeared into the shadows.

#ncis #tiva #tiva fanfiction #tivatober2020 #once upon a halloween #my fics #this is by far the one story i'm proudest of #so pls give it a read if you can! <3

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misstrashchan · 3 years

Text

Since @im-the-king-of-the-ocean did a post about what TMA fear entities the RWBY characters are aligned/avatars of, I’ve been itching to do one myself because as a result of overlapping hyper fixations I think about this A LOT

The basic concept is that avatars in TMA become what they fear most or embrace a fear they have developed the most complex relationship with that plays into their motivations and drive as a character. What negative impulses they have to constantly fight themselves on, the shape of the monster that lives in their heart.

To quote the RWBY song Fear, “But our greatest fear will be realised, if we fall and lose ourselves to fear, we’ll become what we’ve feared all our lives” yeah that’s a very loose definition of what becoming an avatar is.

Since MAG s5 has proven that you can be an avatar of more than one fear, (Like Martin serving both the Eye and the Lonely) some of the RWBY characters might have more than one, but I’ll try to limit it to two to avoid getting complicated, but at the end of the day it’s all fear soup, we might categorise them according to Robert Smirke’s 14, but they all bleed into one another, like Gerard’s colour analogy in 111:

GERARD

I always think it helps to imagine them like colours. The edges bleed together, and you can talk about little differences: “oh, that’s indigo, that’s more lilac”, but they’re both purple. I mean, I guess there are technically infinite colours, but you group them together into a few big ones. A lot of it’s kind of arbitrary. I mean, why are navy blue and sky blue both called blue, when pink’s an entirely different colour from red? Y’know? I don’t know, that’s just how it works.

And like colours, some of these powers, they feed into or balance each other. Some really clash, and you just can’t put them together. I mean, you could see them all as just one thing, I guess, but it would be pretty much meaningless, y’know, like… like trying to describe a… shirt by talking about the concept of colour.

O-Of course, with these things it’s not a simple spectrum, y’know, it’s more like –

ARCHIVIST

An infinite amorphous blob of terror bleeding out in every direction at once.

GERARD

Now you’re getting it.

ARCHIVIST

Like colours, but if colours hated me. Got it.

Ruby Rose: The End. The fear of death itself, uncaring and unstoppable. Man this was hard to think about but I have a lot of Big Feelings about this one. Initially I really, really wanted to give Ruby the Eye simply because “can laser beam monsters with their eyeballs once they become powerful enough” and there is a fascinating overlap in how the Beholding powers and Silver Eyes function in the same way, (especially in how Cinder being exposed to the Silver Eyes fills her with an overpowering fear and reopens old wounds from trauma that have never properly healed; which is VERY similar in the psychological affect Jon’s has on his victims when he Beholds them) they’re both direct enemies/opposites to the Dark that expose their enemies/victims true nature and destroying them in the process at times. Only one feeds on fear and the trauma of others while the other feeds off of hope and love (Gerard says there’s no such thing as an avatar of hope and love, clearly he’s never heard of Ruby).

But nope! The fear and nature of the Beholding just doesn’t really match with Ruby at all. She isn’t driven by a need of knowledge, nor does she fear being watched, followed or having her secrets exposed. The End though? Death itself? Ruby outright states that’s her biggest fear in volume 5 to Oscar “It doesn’t matter if you’re standing in Salem’s way or not. She’ll kill anyone. And that, scares me most of all” to me Ruby’s fear of death itself is projected onto Salem here, I think. It’s uncaring, unstoppable, it doesn’t discriminate, and it could come for the people she cares about at any time. What matters though is the context she says this is in explaining her motives to Oscar. Her whole life has been shaped by her inability to process death, her relationship with grief, all starting with the tragic and abrupt death of her mother Summer as a child. She’s also surrounded by a lot of death motif too, the hooded cape, mostly wearing black, the giant grim reaper scythe. She’s the End.

Of course, her being an Avatar of the End means having to imagine the worst version of Ruby, one that is fully consumed by that fear. Avatars of the End are not malicious or destructive in nature but instead are… very apathetic. They don’t need to seek out victims to feed off of, nor do they have a ritual, because the End comes for all. And that fits with what Ruby would be like if that fear fully consumed her. It’s more or less established in vol6 during the apathy arc when she tries so hard to fight against their influence and how horrified she is when everyone around her falls prey to it. Giving up, not caring, accepting the inevitable demise of everyone and yourself? Ruby was terrified of that. And when looking at the vol8 opening where we see Ruby being dragged down by what looks like the arms of the apathy? She fights the hardest against it because it’s what she’s most afraid of, but because of her inability to process her grief properly is ultimately what will make her the most vulnerable to it when she’s pushed to her limit. All Salem needs to do to break Ruby is to remind her of Summer’s death. Not even what actually happened to her or how she died, just the death itself. Hell, the first time we see Ruby in the Red trailer, she’s at her mother’s grave, the first verse in Red like Roses that’s about Ruby “Red like Roses fills my dreams and brings me to the place you rest” in which we come to understand that the “Red like roses” lyrics in both part one and two of the song is referring to Summer’s abrupt death which Ruby apparently dreams about, which brings to mind Oliver Banks, our most prominent Avatar of the End, whose first statement to The Magnus Institute in 011 (underneath the fake alias of “Antonio Blake”) is concerning how he started dreaming about the deaths of others, which he didn’t begin to take seriously- until it was his father that he saw in his dream. Upon which Oliver realised how terrifying death really was and that fear began to consume him.

Okay I’ve probably gone off long enough about this but yeah. Ruby is the End. I mean, she also just got a song in the v7 soundtrack called Until the End

Weiss Schnee: The Lonely. The fear of isolation, of being completely cut off and alone or disconnected from the rest of society. I don’t really have to go too deeply into this one. It’s pretty cut and dry. “The loneliest of all”? And the Schnees basically are the Lukas family. Actually thinking about it the Lukas’ are actually somewhat better? They were the only ones in the whole of TMA that understood to raise a child to be an heir/avatar of their fear they needed room to reject it or actively choose it, even if that had an 80% success rate. Both are still awful though. (Damn, I can’t believe Jaques is an actively worse parent than an eldritch fear avatar)

When Weiss comes back to Atlas in v4 she’s more aware of her loneliness than ever, feels more aware of how she and atlas high society as a whole is disconnected from the rest of the world and its struggles. Whitley commenting on her being in her room for months implies she’s purposefully been isolating herself during this time as well, in order to avoid her family members “A pleasure to see you out of your room for a change” (sidenote; the fact that whenever Whitley shows up it always catches Weiss off guard, like she didn’t even notice his presence until he wanted her too. That’s. That’s a BIG Lonely thing. Given Peter’s siblings eventually ran away and he was the only heir I can imagine Peter being what Whitley would end up like if no one intervenes)

I’d say they might also be an possibility of the Stranger due to her struggling to find her own identity and inability to recognise oneself, but that can be an aspect of the Lonely too, as we see when Martin is in a house that is a domain of the Lonely in s5, and is unable to recognise himself in the mirror or recall who he is.

What I do have to say about this is it’s pretty interesting considering at this point in the show Weiss’ relationship with loneliness is actually somewhat healthy and something she can use to relate to and help others. She understands other people’s loneliness, that Blake in v5 needed space and in time she’d come back, and Weiss would be ready to be there for her when she did. And she also understands Yang’s loneliness in the same volume and that she needed someone there to support her.

“But you’re right. I don’t know loneliness like you do. I have my own version. And I bet Blake has her own version too.”

Speaking of Blake…

Blake Belladonna: The Stranger, I Do Not Know You. The fear that you cannot trust the perception of yourself or of others. The creeping sense that something isn’t right. I considered the Spiral, but the Stranger and the Spiral overlap more than any other two entities so I’m just gonna go with the Stranger. Especially with her semblance being a metaphor for disassociation, a coping mechanism for the abuse and gaslighting from her relationship with Adam being kind of the biggest thing here, since the Stranger and Spiral deal with that a lot. She literally creates false copies of herself, shadow clones which she uses to feint, distract and evade. As well as statues/mannequins when dust is involved, which the Stranger is known for manifesting. Her fighting style centres around misdirection, stealth and fooling people’s senses. She also used to be part of the White Fang, known within Sienna and Adam’s faction to wear the masks of monsters, appearing anonymous. And she literally disguises her identity as a Faunus in order to escape the White Fang and enroll at Beacon. Blake at first was hesitant to trust and rely on the others in the earlier volumes, to let her guard down, and when she finally did, the worst happened and her fears were proven right. In s2 Jonathan becomes more paranoid due to being marked and in close daily proximity to the Stranger (as Not-Sasha), much like how Blake in v2 becomes far more paranoid and less trusting of her team. She also does seek knowledge or answers even at the cost of her wellbeing, which is an Eye thing, but Blake’s desire for knowledge and answers isn’t really consistent or important enough with her character and motives beyond vol2 for me personally to consider her an Avatar of it, but I do think she is Eye aligned.

Yang Xiao Long- The Eye. The Ceaseless Watcher, It Knows You, as well as The Hunt. For the Eye, the first time we see Yang is her trying to find information on her mother, and we see Raven in bird form at the beginning too, as she has followed Yang her whole life, never actually interacting or doing anything for her, just… watching her. We learn in vol2 that her search for answers surrounding her mother has been a part of her entire life, almost overwhelmingly so to the point where in her childhood she and Ruby nearly lost their lives to the Grimm when she decided to journey to a shack in the woods she thought would lead to clues in finding her mother. She is adamant because of that experience to never let her need for the truth and answers control her, but it is a need that is always there. When she finally meets Raven, she’s encouraged to “start questioning everything she knows” which, she does. Questioning and knowledge is a big part of Yang’s character, even now. She’s the one who questions Ozpin the most, as well as Raven herself, and in the recent volumes is the one who challenges and questions Ruby’s leadership the most. There’s also a moment in vol7 of her drawing parallels between herself and Robyn and relating to her when she says “I won’t stop until I find out the truth” Her being the one to take the relic of knowledge is hugely significant in this too, especially given the context that she acquires it right after confronting her mother, getting the answers she’s searched for her whole life, holding an artefact possessing infinite knowledge, and she sinks to her knees and cries because there is no sense of closure, that anything is better because of her knowing who and what her mother is, and that her choosing this path might have cost her ever having a relationship with Raven (which is more Raven’s fault of course, and Yang knows that, but that’s not how she’s feeling at that exact moment).

For the Hunt, this one’s a bit simpler. The thrill seeker aspect to Yang’s character and motives in becoming a huntress and enjoying the chase and fighting in of itself. There’s another element in that as most Avatars of the Hunt start out as monster hunters who then develop the need to hunt and kill monsters, and gradually what qualifies as “monster” starts to blur more and more as they become consumed by the need and thrill of the chase and hunt itself. I bring this up because in vol3 Blake draws parallels between Yang and Adam after she is disqualified for attacking and injuring Mercury, worries with how familiar this all feels and that Yang might turn out the same as him (and just for the record Adam is a full blown Avatar of the Hunt, and the Slaughter too most like)

“I had someone very dear to me change. It wasn’t in an instant, it was gradual. Little choices that began to pile up. He told me not to worry. At first they were accidents, then it was self-defence. Before long, even I began to think he was right. This is all just… very familiar.” What Blake describes is… kind of similar to Basira’s relationship with Daisy with how Daisy, an Avatar of the Hunt, would justify to Basira and explain away how the violence and murders she committed as being for the greater good.

Also just one more, because I have to

Pyrrha Nikos: WebwebWEBWEB. Hoo boi Pyrrha is the Webbiest of Web Avatars as they come. Her whole character’s themes surrounding destiny, control and agency, feeling like her whole life had been decided for her, the fact she’d been blessed with incredible talents and opportunities meant she was supposed to be a huntress, the fact her talent as a world champion meant she was placed on a pedestal without her realising, becoming separate from the people who placed her there in the first place, that Ozpin and his inner circle tell her she has been chosen as the next Fall Maiden, but the method in which she must become so might result in the loss of her identity, that though they ultimately leave the choice to her do pressure and manipulate her into it. The idea of destiny being a predetermined fate you can’t escape is Pyrrha’s greatest fear, and rejects that idea in that she will not let her life be manipulated but will be the one to take control it instead, which is manifested in her having a semblance that she uses to subtly control and manipulate her surroundings. As Cinder puts it, “People assume she’s fated for victory when really she’s really taken fate into her own hands”.

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