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thestarsarebrightertonight · 6 days

Text

the alchemy // mattheo riddle x fem gryffindor reader

playlist: the alchemy - taylor swift

"who are we to fight the alchemy?"

summary: mattheo riddle hasnt left you alone with his relentless flirting since third year , youre sick of it! or are you?...

gryffindor reader , y/n used , fluff, minor swearing, short

masterlist

"yknow youre the most beautiful girl in all of hogwarts." mattheo stated from besides you , staring at you with his head in his hand.

"as you tell me everyday mattheo , i appreciate it but i think our potions project would appreciate your attention and care much more than me." you stated with a sigh looking up at him and tapping on his empty parchment.

"isnt it just so lucky we got partnered together?" he said dreamily as you scoffed.

"yes, soo very lucky." you muttered with sarcasm.

"so what do we have left to do princess?" he asked.

"are you being serious? im not sure who we is but based on the fact youve done nothing this whole session- its me that has work left." you scoffed and ranted at him with annoyance , only to recieve a bright smile from him.

"i cant help but be distracted besides you." he shrugged and draped an arm across the back of your chair.

you sighed in pure frustration before angrily packing all of your things into a bag and standing up , ignoring the confused and saddened boy besides you.

"where are you going?" he asked with disappointment.

"carry on acting cute riddle , it wont work. unlike you, some of us need grades to get a job in the future, not all of us have devilishly good looks that get us everything."

"you think i have devishily good looks?" he asked both teasingly and happily.

"sadly , i do," he smirked at this before you leaned down to him , your faces practically touching making his smug attitude drop into shyness, "doesnt mean im going to date you , dont even bother asking."

he quickly regained his composure and moved his face slightly so he could whisper into your ear , lips hitting your skin with every word , "youll come around eventually and when you do..im right here baby."

you blushed brightly before pretending to be digusted by his words , pulling away and crossing your arms with a scowl, "maybe in your dreams riddle but dont let delusion alter your reality too much. and your reality is that we're doing a project together that needs to be in by friday , so get to work baby."

he shifted his gaze as his face turned bright red and he began to heat up at your words , or more specfically the nickname.

"k but seriously , get to work or ill be beyond pissed. goodbye riddle" you said seriously , walking away and leaving the flustered boy to drown in his thoughts at the library table.

----

"gorgeous!" mattheo riddle shouted down the corridore as you rolled your eyes , this was either directed at you or one of his hook ups. and upon feeling an arm wrap around your waist , you assumed it was you, "i finished our project just as you requested your majesty."

you didnt bother looking up at the boy and simply continued to walk down the hall , mattheo clinging onto you ,"well done riddle you actually worked for once. at dinner hand me the papers you wrote and ill review it and finish our conclusion. thanks for actually doing it i didnt think you would."

"anything for my girl" he brightly smiled , enjoying your subtle praise greatly.

"not your girl but sure." you rolled your eyes.

"maybe not now , but very soon" he stated confidentaly , giving your waist a quick squeeze before letting go , "as much as id love to walk you to class , i have to attend to skipping herbology! later beautiful."

"bye" you said quietly , giving him a small smile that brightened his whole afternoon.

-----

"here you go my love!" mattheo announced as he sat himself down on the bench besides you and placed some paper besides your empty plate.

you threw the papers a quick glance ,seeing they infact had writing and grabbed them , shoving them into your bag, "thank you riddle. ill help you finish later."

suprisingly the boy sat in silence , in confusion you turned to look at him, only to be given a teasing smirk and wiggling eyebrows.

"what?" you asked in confusion before releasing and smacking his arm lightly , biting back a laugh, "dont be so childish mattheo!"

his expression soon dropped completely , staring at you stunned.

"whats wrong?" you again asked in confusion and sudden anxiety.

"you.....you called me mattheo." he stuttered , face red.

"well yeah thats your name is it not? or is it mathew?-"

"no its just.....you never call me by my first name."

you soon realised , looking away to hide the pink tint that stained your cheeks.

"whatever it just slipped out!" you tried to hide your shyness.

"dont ever call me riddle again.. just mattheo , hell you can call me anything but riddle. id love it if you called me yours though." he flirted again, losing any hint of fluster.

"not happening!" you let out a genuine laugh because of the boy, for the first time in years.

mattheo couldnt help but watch in awe, admiring as you laughed with him.

"come to my quidditch match tomorrow , you can wear my jersey if you want," he winked.

"ill pass on the jersey but sure ill be there , supporting gryffindor." you teased as the boys pouted.

"cheer for me atleast?" he asked softly , staring into your eyes.

"until i lose my voice," you smiled back at him, a wide smile youd never given him before. it felt like a blessing to the boy.

he had no idea why youd become so open to him , you didnt either , but you did know that the boy had definetly flirted his way into your thoughts after years of determination.

-----

"welcome to the third match of the year, slytherin and gryffindor! buzzing to see the new cheats slytherin pull this time around!-" lees commentation was cut off by mcgonagall clearing her throat , "sorry professor."

"anyways back to the match! a pretty decent line up today , the usual team for gryffindor. slytherin having brought 3rd year joseph off the bench for the first time. hopefully we see some of his skills in this match! but i must say the most interesting player of slytherins team this match , has to be riddle. not only did he perform well last season but he seems to have his eyes on his own trophy , as per usual , y/n y/l/n! whats most interesting is the slytherin jersey shes wearing , i mean the girls in gryffindor , where is the house pride!!-" lees rant was cut off by mcgonagall throwing him a sharp glare. you cringed from the crowd as your house threw you dirty looks , the only look you focused on being the smirk and wink mattheo gave you from his broom.

"anyways , the captians are now deciding who starts the match. by the determenation on all of payers faces, this match will be anything but clean and fair , tough luck madame hooch!" lee laughed as the teams decided who started, all of the players taking their positions as the whistle blows, "and the match begins!".

----

all of your house members threw you distasteful looks as you sheepishly walked down the stands and towards the pitch , where the slytherin players had gathered.

you had hardly stepped onto the grass when an arm around you swept you off your feet and spun you around.

"did you see, love? we won!" mattheo who was currently holding you tightly , exclaimed in excitement.

"yes , yeah i saw!" you grinned at him , looking into his eyes as he finally rested you on the ground, his arms around you and yours resting around the back of his neck.

"you were my good luck charm," he said softly , his eyes tracing your body, "i see you decided to wear my jersey".

"like i had a choice! you bribed the twins to not let me out the common room until i wore it!" you both laughed.

"it suits you , no other number or name suits you better , " he smirked , pulling you in closer as you giggled.

"hm i dont know y/n potter sounds quite good." you teased as his eyes hardened.

"no." he stated darkly as you laughed at his seriousness,

" dont worry riddle , you could say im yours."

he grinned widely , "oh yeah, what changed?"

"i stopped trying to resist the mattheo charm." you teased with a bright smile.

he didnt waste a second in pulling you into a passionate kiss , one he had held back for years. after about a minute he chased your lips once you pulled away.

"i love you , since first year" he whispered.

"thats a lie, i thought it was third year!" you gasped in fake suprise.

he chuckled , looking at you in lovesickness ,"i loved you before i even met you."

"thats not possible matt," you laughed.

"it is when we're soulmates," he stated.

"soulmates? wow you really do love me huh, riddle?!" you teased.

"more than youll ever know."

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lvstcd · 1 year

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my sweet boy ⟶ rafe cameron x gn!reader

REQUEST: "Hi I love your writing !! I was wondering if you could do an obx imagine where the reader is on her period and Rafe takes care of her and it’s just super fluffy 🥺 thank you 💗"

A/N: ofc anon!! sorry for such the late response :(

SUMMARY: rafe taking care of you on your period

GENRE: fluff

WARNINGS: mentions of blood, mentions of periods, mentions of pain medications, swearing

WORD COUNT: 1.0k

(gn = gender neutral) not edited!!

lower case intended

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆

AS the bright early sun rolls into outerbanks, you feel your boyfriends soft breathing underneath your head. his chest slowly rising and falling every couple of seconds.

you groggily roll over and rub your eyes before snuggling your face into the blanket and trying to go back to sleep. as you start to doze off you get a weird pit in the bottom of your stomach. your eyes widen and you sit up straight wihtout waking rafe up.

you slide out of bed and feel the blood leaking out of your uterus drop. you gulp and pull back the blanket, noticing a partially dry yet still damp blood spot on your boyfriends light grey bedsheets.

"fuck!" you whisper shout, before grabbing a tampon and new underwear before walking towards his bathroom. as you go to close the door you slightly trip on the air, as one does in the morning, and loudly slam the door behind you, causing rafe to jump up out of his sleep. you, not realizing you awoke your boyfriend, continues to try to clean yourself up.

"baby?" you hear rafe yawn before gently knocking on the door, "you okay?" you let out a frustrated sigh as your flow is super heavy and just everywhere on you.

"im fine." you let out sharply, continuing to clean yourself before your cramps hit you right in the lower abdomen, "shit."

"is it okay if i come in?" he asks softly, leaning against the door and resting his ear against the wood. you give up and sigh, lowering your head in defeat, "yes." rafe opens the door quietly, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion when he sees you covered in blood and crouched over in pain.

"you okay, baby?" he groggily asks, rubbing his left eye with his knuckle before stepping over to you and placing a kiss to your forehead.

"no," you sigh, "i woke up with my period and it decided to be really heavy today. im covered in blood and my cramps are killing me and i just feel like absolute death."

he shakes his head jokingly and runs his hand through your hair, "it's okay. i can wash the sheets and get the blood out. why dont you get in a hot bath?" you nod and stare at the floor.

"baby, im not mad about the bed sheets. i promise, just try to relax, okay?" he asks gently, kneeling in front of you and placing his hand on your knee and squeezing softly.

"come on," he says tiredly, grabbing some of your leftover period wipes and setting them beside you on the counter before gently grabbing the sides of your panties and pj shorts and sliding them off your legs.

"clean yourself up as much as you can and i will be right back." he steps out of the bathroom and digs through your purse, looking for your pain meds and a bottle of water before walking back in towards you.

"here, baby." he smiles, kissing the top of your head before stepping out again. you take two of the pain meds and clean yourself up before standing up and flushing. rafe comes back in with your phone, playing a playlist of your favorite songs. he sets your phone down and gently grabs the hem of your shirt, lifting it over your head and setting it on the sink.

he starts the water for you, checks the temperature, and reaches his hand out to help you step into the bathtub. "okay. im going to take the sheets and your bloody clothes down and start them in the wash. i will be right back, okay?" you smile and nod before he grabs your shirt and walks out.

as you lay in the hot water with your eyes closed, you start to doze off, the fatigue hitting you quite quickly. rafe shuffles back in with a towel and some new fresh clothes, his to be exact. "okay, love, i brought you one of my shirts and a pair of my boxers that are loose on the stomach so they wont hurt your stomach more."

you smile with your eyes closed and blow him a kiss, "thank you, baby." he smiles back at you and walks out doing god knows what. 15 minutes later, he stumbles in.

"you done, baby?" he asks while he grabs the fresh towel and unfolds it. you nod and stand up, carefully stepping out of the tub before letting it drain. he holds out the towel before gently wrapping it around you. he dries you off completely, squeezing the water out of your hair. he hands you a tampon and a panty liner so you don't leak and leaves you to it by turning around and facing the wall.

"you dont have to look away, baby." you chuckle as you grab the boxers and put the panty liner on before using the tampon. "i know, i just didn't want to make you uncomfortable." you softly laugh before poking his back. "im all done, can you hand me your boxers?"

he grabs his boxers and turns around before softly lifting one leg up at a time and sliding the boxers onto your legs. he grabs your hands and helps you stand up before he reaches down and grabs the hem of his boxers, pulling them up for you. he grabs his shirt, which is oversized on you, and slides it over your head and gently puts your arms through.

he grabs your brush off his counter and brushes out your hair. as he stands infront of you, he quickly leans down and pecks your nose, every couple of seconds while he finishes brushing your hair.

"'okay, baby. i have a heating pad plugged in for you, chocolate, i didn't know which kind so i brought up all three, and i have the tv ready for whatever you wanna watch." you smile brightly, bringing your hands up to his cheeks and passionately kissing him.

"i fucking love you." you whisper, face inches from his.

"well, i love you too, baby." he leans in for another kiss and pecks your nose before grabbing your phone, pausing your music and lacing his hand in yours and carefully dragging you out of the bathroom.

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TAGLIST: @luvhann @pappydaddyy @slytherinambitious @alinag11 @conniesanchorr @instabull @vk2222-blog

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charlestrask · 5 months

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alex g mclennon playlist now….

OK OK FINALLY

and the annotations which arent like. super informative but some vaguely chronological guidance and my thoughts on povs and such.

string: early john pov after meeting paul. particularly wrt johns feelings about jim and paul being too behaved and obedient towards him.

salt: also early john pov. im imagining in that tumultuous time post julias death as pauls managing to coax him back to the band.

cross the sea: either john or paul pov. vague early years and the exhilarating obsession with each other. "you see how i make you smile / you put your foot down and i run wild" especially them to me.

brite boy: early paul pov. similar to salt imagining the general feelings of paul in situations like trying to get back to john after julias death, but not necessarily that situation specifically. johns various down periods.

in my arms: more vague pre-beatles period john and paul. i dont have a lot specific to say on this one but the vibes.

harvey: we've entered fame period. ive gone back and forth on john or paul pov for this. i began thinking it was paul pov, john as harvey paul a bit more concerned about all the business of actually running the band. but now i think i prefer it as a john pov first of all "run my hands through his short black hair" but also the harvey verse im seeing johns idea that paul was somehow getting ahead of him, being better than him without even trying.

in love: touring fame years. no specific events just that period of time of truly being attached and solidly together.

near: THE JOHN AND PAUL OBSESSION SONG OF ALL TIME. all i want is to be near you you you you you you. for chronological playlist purposes this is touring years, imagining 65-66 but easily applicable to many many periods.

animals: ive kind of come to hate this song but thats another matter. "i get sick when i get stoned / everything we do, we do it alone". no specific pov here it can go both ways. either of them could be rosie. but im imagining this as late 65 as they're (especially john) entering heavier drug use

runner: PAUL POV ON JOHN. "i laugh when you say the wrong thing / mouthing off to everybody else but me / they hit you with the rolled up magazine / my runner, my runner, my man" NEED I SAY MORE.

so: we are entering post-touring years. john deep in the lsd kenwood depression.

break: paul dropping acid with john for the first time. "i think i'm feeling it now / just like you did" "taking hits for you / cause i wanna feel like im supposed to / i could disappear / if this is what makes me feel so real" "and i'm sick for you, baby / and it's never gonna go away" HEAD IN HANDS.

soaker: mostly john pov but one can imagine it both ways. imagining this 66-67 period where they were close but john was feeling that jealousy-depression around paul gallavanting around london while he's stuck in the suburbs. both so desperate to just be with each other all the time and yet! and yet. johns frustration over what he sees as paul not needing him as much.

proud: feel like i dont need to say much about this one. mostly john pov i think but that battling jealousy and utmost respect and love for paul.

black hair: black hair its swimming in my head black hair its bigger than death black hair dont leave me in the dirt black hair i'll show you what im worth ❤️❤️

people: yet another john in total acid stupor everyday alone in his big stupid house.

miracles: hard how to explain this one. still in 66-67. john pov. if you get it you get it.

walk away: YEP. late 67ish. you'll see. "someday i'm gonna walk away from you / not today, not today, not today / someday i'm gonna walk away from you (i don't want, i don't want, i don't want to)"

forever: paul pov on john post-brians death. "pull it together / we could love you / forever and ever" and then his taking over managerial duties after brians death because he feels like he has to, he needs to keep the band together or who knows what will happen now and the only way he knows how to do that is keep everybody working. "made up a game / no pain, no gain / until you break / make no mistake / i will pull it together / you can love me / forever and ever."

snot: we are entering india. john pov. beginning of him turning on paul. "i'm all in / and he's all out" this feeling of sinking lower and lower as paul seems to be continuing on like normal.

sugarhouse: still in india. paul pov. not sure how to explain this one it just makes sense to me.

brick: last india/the whole 68 business one. john pov of course. his uhh lets say very subjective idea of paul at the time. and whatever the hell happened there. but turning on paul and for some reason seeing him now as this manipulator.

mis: PAUL POV GET BACK SESSIONS. I DONT NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE.

change: interchangeably paul and john during get back sessions. "you're in my dream last week / i'd like to hear what you think"

sugar: john pov. imagining this as his pov on paul in that odd interstitial period between get back sessions and the official breakup. "you will be a bird / all of my life" combined with the sound of the song itself is very.. very something.

bobby: ok this one is very specific. john pov bobby is paul but the "you" in the song is yoko. "i'd leave him for you / if you want me to" "i'd burn them for you / if you want me to" etc. this and mis are ones i feel very strongly about.

boy: a kind of vague john pov in 69-70. is the other person yoko or paul? you decide. interesting things to think about both ways.

hollow: both john pov 69-70 AND paul pov 69-70 bur different implications for both readings. heroin is there. johns general uhhhh..... lost-ness. paul decaying stagnant on the farm. "swallow this- / you made a big / mistake / go away" "i know him / i know how much / he wants / to stay"

powerful man: PAUL ON THAT FARM. attempting to be butch to heal 💔 "maybe he was out of line / but he was still a pretty close friend of mine / maybe he had hurt me bad / but a brother is a brother and that is that" "had a dream about a promised land / walkin' round with a big gun in my hand / and when i look you in the eye / you're gonna tell me that you love me and hold me tight"

station: still paul pov 69-70 on the farm. imagine truly the peak of that depressive period. i cant even pick any specific lyrics its all so much.

mission: paul vaguely 70s wings period. his just-keep-working ethic. "hey, look in the mirror / ain't gonna right your wrong / with a stupid love song" :) i like being on the nose

sorry: both john & paul pov in their more reconciling yet bittersweet parts of 72-80. "i look at you / and feel the same / could you forgive me / for that pain?" "i look at you / and feel the same / could you forgive me / for that?"

judge: PAUL POV. his whole feelings around johns behavior toward him in the 70s. all those very very very painful quotes of him questioning why john felt like that what did he do to hurt john. the whole hunter davies phone call "maybe i just hurt people by default".

forgive: johns late 70s love for paul but also paul post-johns death. "forgive yesterday / i choose today". AND THAT'S ALL FOLKS.

#ask #anon #also ok to rb this

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beautifulpersonpeach · 9 months

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BPP, I'm not one to cry over the hate the boys get because I truly believe they are resilient as hell and I try to curate my space as much as possible so that I'm not subjected to it. Im so bummed though about Hobi's JITB hope edition dedication and how he was concerned that his and armys relationship wouldn't be able to get past him not releasing a physical. Im disappointed that solo narratives were able to infiltrate army spaces and convince the boys to change their mind about something. Im really sending all the love and good energy to Hobi and all the members today and I sincerely hope this wont occur again in the future. Thanks for letting me use this space to vent a little

Ask 2:

i'm honestly a bit confused about this hobi thanks to letter bpp. i went back to your post where you talked about jitb and you were right that this was his decision, but were people wrong to ask for a physical album?

Ask 3:

People on Twitter keep whining about how ppl complaining about jitb album format made Hobi feel bad and I of course feel bad he was disappointed with the feedback but it's such a mind numbingly stupid thing to be mad about he's a professional musician. It's part of his job fans dont have to like everything all the time sometimes people aren't gonna like a song or even an album or the photoshoots or artist merch or styling or if you choose to release your album as a piece of colorful cardboard with no cd and everyone just has to cope with it. Hobi is a first day million seller and we got live versions of some songs now people need to take the w and be happy and everyone who wanted a physical physical better be over the fucking moon

***

Hi Anon(s),

Anon in ask 2, since you're the only person actually asking me a question (lol), I'll work with your ask.

"were people wrong to ask for a physical album?"

Let's look at it this way. If Hobi released a song you didn't like, would it be wrong for you to say you didn't like the song, and mention instead the genre of music you'd like him to do instead?

The answer to that, is no. Obviously. As I've been saying, I think it's perfectly fine for you to not like something BTS /Hobi does, the music they make, choices you disagree with, etc, and it's not like there's a gag order in the fandom so of course you can say so and leave that feedback for the artist because they monitor fan chatter. You'd be right to do this, and it works both ways for positive and negative feedback.

Now, would you still be right if you:

Defaulted to asserting that Hoseok had no agency and that the choice of the song (or no physical albums) was forced on him by the company

Trended hashtags with your demands on him, asserting that he was a pawn the company was using and sabotaging to prop up maknae-line members

Threatened to boycott and actually boycotted his album

Review-bombed Weverse album app, Weverse shop app, and Weverse app

Reported and took down ARMY playlists for JITB that included other members' songs

Threatened to send trucks stating your demands for a physical album (or to continue the example from above, a song genre you prefer)

Became abusive to other members in the group, asserting that they are complicit in Hobi's 'mistreatment'

Took your frustration out on other members, disparaging them and their solo debuts

Threatened the other members, Bang PD, and PDogg with physical harm

Continued this barrage for months on end

Etc...

Would you be right to do this?

The answer to this, too, is no. Obviously.

Hobi akgaes who didn't get a physical album did all of the above for their 'feedback' because of what fundamentally motivates them.

The thing about akgaes is that at the crux of it, they don't actually think highly of the person they stan. Especially in the case of BTS solo stans. If you listen to akgaes talk about their 'fave' members... pick any member: Hobi, Jimin, Taehyung, etc, they all think said member is "too kind", "too humble", "too helpless" etc, to assert themselves to receive things they actually want for their careers within reason. Akgaes in general don't actually think the artists have any real say over their career direction.

They ultimately consider that artist a puppet who is supposed to bend or acquiesce to meet any demand made of them, and so when they see outcomes they don't like, the thought that it could be a choice the artist agreed to (talk less of it possibly being the artist's idea) is completely foreign to them. The only thought in an akgae's mind when they see outcomes they don't like is how to switch out who is controlling the puppet, how to force an outcome on and for the artist, an outcome that the akgae thinks is best for the artist's career in their own imagination.

They're delusional enough to believe that with their limited information of the artist's plans, resources, and limitations, that whatever they envision as goals for that artist aligns precisely with what that artist desires. They never really frame these demands as things they'd personally like or want, but as something that the artist secretly wants or outrightly deserves which the company maliciously withholds for *insert your favourite conspiracy theory here* reasons, that necessitates the akgae intervening.

So, where (some) ARMYs could look at the JITB rollout situation and think Hobi was likely involved in that outcome, even if we didn't like the outcome; where (some) ARMYs could see how even if Jimin didn't get all the MVs due to limitations unknown to us, that Jimin still has agency to effect any changes he wants in his career; where ARMYs could see how all these imperfect outcomes are still possible even while the members retain their agency.... akgaes instead default to catastrophizing any outcome they disagree with, and actively work to remove/change who controls manages the puppet artist to give them the outcomes they think is best for the artist.

As with everything else in fandom, the devil is in the details and it's unhelpful to talk in very general terms about fandom dynamics sometimes because we all know different factions could say similar things but have very different motivations. And that a lot of 'fans' are actually a bit insane. I mean, I know many of my followers are newer fans but you all should have seen by now that something like 90% of what happens in fandom is fans of various kinds criticizing things of all sorts, and that what counts as 'criticism' here covers a very wide spectrum, from abuse and slander to frankly insane irl/physical attempts and threats to change/control the artist.

Of course, ARMYs in true fandom fashion try to correct for this impulse by overcompensating, either due to

Their own guilt in joining in with mantis and akgaes at the time, or

Performative bullshit to make up for being hypocritical or to virtue signal over other ARMYs, or

As a natural consequence of how information is communicated in social systems, or

Some other reasons I can't think of at the moment.

Now the refrain from some ARMYs is that voicing any dissatisfaction with anything whatsoever is wrong. But at this point, after everything I've written above, I hope it's clear that I think fans can, should, and do express when they like and dislike certain choices, if they like. The difference between a fan and any other faction though, is that fans actually respect the artist, and recognize that even with the music industry as shady as it is, even if outcomes aren't always perfect or there are outcomes fans disagree with for the artist, that the artist is the person who ultimately knows what's best for them and has the tools to effect any needed changes. Especially in the case of BTS. BTS knows what's best for BTS and they have the ability to choose and work within their teams and the industry to effect any real changes or outcomes they want for the management of their careers. BTS does. Not Sally from Ohio, nor Jiwon from Jeonju.

In my opinion, at least.

#bts #hobi #hoseok #jung hoseok #jimin #park jimin #bts army #bts fandom #bts chapter 2 #fandom behaviour #fandom discourse #bangtan

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sinnaminttoast · 6 months

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Project Meridian- explanation about Marcus Part 1?

This is for the people who want to be in the know of who Marcus is and how he impacted PM without listening to his audios. I made the ultimate sacrifice and I watched his videos a long time ago. I still remember his ass very well.

If you’re not aware of Project Meridian, I highly recommend watching James’s videos where he explains everything. James + Anton do not contain Marcus. Brian also does not contain Marcus but the Android is still under the love code at that point.

I will not be spoiling anything beyond the confrontation between Marcus and James. That is for you guys to go listen to!

Heavy TW! Marcus’s storyline is a bit dark as the Android begins to descend into their obsession. There are discussions of manipulation such as guilt-tripping, dubious consent, non consensual touch, abusive/harmful acts done to the listener, references to exploitation, and objectification. I will vaguely be going over these things.

Again, I’m writing this post to go over the more more important parts of what you need to know about Marcus’s storyline. I won’t go into heavy details about anything beyond that. I’m here to discus how he impacted the storyline so everyone understands who he is and why he’s disliked.

Project Meridian is a series done and recorded by Redacted Audio. I highly recommend you guys check it out.

So, let’s begin!

Project Meridian actually started with Marcus. James’s Past/Present video is the first in the playlist but it all starts with Marcus, who we’re introduced to as the Nervous Technician. The listener is also an Android in this series.

First video summarized [dubious consent]

•Marcus comes to talk to us and asks the usual questions about how the updates are affecting us. Normal questions of what technicians would ask. He says he is our lead social protocol engineer.

He says he heard us make some comments regarding other protocol needs. He says that we put value on the work we’ve been doing together. That it’s validating that we care so much about him.

Long story short, many of the other technicians have commented on how we apparently only want to work with just Marcus.

He asks us if we find our behavior to be obsessive and unhealthy. To which we tell him that we do not care about what others believe.

He then confesses something to us,

“I haven’t—-I haven’t been completely honest with you. When I was designing your social protocols, I…I lost my objectivity. It’s what we humans do, right?”

“I was in a bad place in my life. I was alone and heartbroken and frustrated…and I took everyone of those feelings into work each day. I keyed them into every line of code I wrote for you.” “…I wanted someone…anyone to understand me.. “…So I built that in you.”

Marcus explains that he was in a terrible head space and he took this baggage to work. He let those dark thoughts influence his choices and we’re coded to care about him. He said he’s not sure what he was hoping for.

He expresses his regrets and says he wants to fix us. He asks us to give him access to our tier one social protocols and we tell him no.

Android kisses Marcus and he gives in to them. The video ends with these quotes.

“Oh god, I’ve thought about this every day. Since we’ve activated you…” “…I’m gonna burn for what I did to you, but damn if it isn’t gonna feel good on the way down.”

I won’t even lie….that last line did get me the first time I listened. LIKE IM SORRY!! I WAS SAT BUT IM STANDING UP! 😭 please don’t come for me I DIDNT KNOW WHAT I KNOW NOW!

So that’s the beginning…so we’ve got a Yandere on our hands you guys. BUT OH DONT WORRY! We get some wild Shit. Also why did this lowkey give me Yuno and Yuki vibes?? I’ve never watched Mirai Nikki but that’s the vibe I got when I first watched this.

Now let us descend further into madness!

Second video summarized [Your Nervous Technician checks in with you]

•The Android goes to see Marcus in the diagnostics lab, where they both find out that additional monitoring and surveillance equipment has been installed in the research center. That also includes the diagnostic lab that they are in.

He says he’s going to ask us some questions and informs us that we’re likely being recorded.

He talks about our progress briefly and how the others feel about said progress.

Then, he tells us we’re going to undergo some tests.

He says that one of the diagnostics is failing to initialize and tries to “fix it”. He actually overloaded the system and sent it into a re-initialized state. Basically they’re not being watched anymore and he did this so he can talk to us.

After the first video, the research center has been put on high alert.

Everything is changing. There are guards and there are people who seem to be important that are showing up.

Marcus is basically freaking out overall about rumors of “Phase 2” . He doesn’t know what the hell is going on and everyone else is also in the dark about things.

“I think this might be the government getting involved. Ever since we hit those original metrics, everything changed…overnight.” “We were given these new NDA’s to sign.”

Marcus is basically scared that he might not see us ever again.

The systems come back on. Marcus and Android put on their facades of being strictly professional.

And that’s video two.

Ya’ll might be wondering why I’m detailing their relationship. It’s actually important to understand how they both got together and why in the end, Marcus ended up where he is now. There are lore drops in his video but I’m here to deliver them for you! 🫶

Next is Video three!

Third video summarized [Reunited with Your Nervous Technician]

•We hear Brian for the first time! He tells Marcus that the lab is ready for him.

He enters the lab where he is reunited with us, the Android.

But before they can continue, he asks a very important question:

“What state of matter is love?” “Why?”

We give him the answers he expects and he sighs in relief that they didn’t mess with our code. We still “care” for him.

It has been three weeks since we last saw him. He was left in the dark about what was being done to us. Only the data integration team has been in contact with us.

They didn’t make the new data added to us accessible to us. It’ll only be accessible during Phase 3.

Marcus is going to try to access the files that were added to us. [Crazy ass bitch.]

After convincing us to let go of him, he attaches an interface to us and gains access to the data, but it is heavily encrypted.

They have a really long conversation about how everything is so secretive and that Marcus was terrified that they would be found out in those three weeks.

Marcus checks on the decryption but it’s barely making any progress.

He asks how often we think about him. We tell him we think about him, a lot.

He then tells us something:

“You know the parts of your code that I added? When we were creating you….the ones that were meant to bring us closer together. They weren’t set to activate until I initiated a series of triggers. You know? Phrases and things like that…and each time I said them…the code would reactivate.” “You’ve spent the last three weeks remembering everything I’ve said. Every interaction we’ve had…almost nonstop.” “I didn’t account for something like that.” “I didn’t put in any kind of fail-safe.”

The Android seems to be…a bit aggressive about not wanting to let Marcus go.

They get interrupted because the decryption worked. It solves the Text string.

On the data packet, the header is PROJECT MERIDIAN

And that’s the end of video three 🤭 OHOHO MARCUS YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE YOU STINKY MAN! Oh and we got a lore drop. Project Meridian??? What could that mean 👀 although I’m sure if you’ve watched all of Sovereign State…you guys know what’s up.

Fourth Video summarized [Confronted by a Diagnostic Technician] [confrontation and guilt-tripping]

•oh? The text is purple…BECAUSE WE GET A VIDEO WITH BRIAN! Brian makes it clear that he does not wish to have a meaningless conversation with us. He only wants to check our vitals.

He says we’re more than welcomed to talk but he probably won’t answer.

We tell him that we usually have conversations with Marcus. Brian says he doesn’t care what he does in his examination.

He says that he finds the insinuation that Marcus talking to us while doing his job makes him better is insulting. GET HIM AGAIN FOR ME BRIAN!!

Ever since the three weeks, the Android has not stopped talking about Marcus. They’re descending into their obsession.

Brian says he has no patience for that. “We’re barely getting any sleep. We’re being hounded to work on this project at all hours. We’re pulling double-shifts to try and get this thing back on track for their deadlines, and you can’t even do me the curtesy of focusing on something other than Marcus for ten minutes.”

“This project has to work.”

“There are careers on the line. There are livelihoods on the line. People’s futures are hanging in the balance, while you stand here pining about Marcus and not focusing on your progress.”

Brian then proceeds to the beg the Android to stop thinking about Marcus for once. That they should tell Marcus to stop because there are people’s lives on the line.

The Android grabs Brian’s arm and he demands that they let go of him.

He tells them that he is only telling them what they need to hear.

“I spent the last four years working on this project, only to have my contract changed right out from under me. Only to be told that if I didn’t agree to the new terms, I’d be fired and have my name dragged so deep into the muck that I’d never get a respectable position again! I have a family to support!”

He demands us to get our shit together.

And that’s the end of that video. Phew…that was a fucking lot. I really do recommend Brian’s video to give you a big understanding of their situation.

So yeah…they’re in big fucking trouble

I remember being so stressed when I listened to this. Like omg….THIS IS SOME SERIOUS SHIT.

There is a part two that I will link here. Thank you for joining me on revisiting Marcus’s tomfoolery.

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted project meridian #redacted marcus #redacted android

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actualbird · 2 years

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rosa | main character: a playlist with a character analysis rationale on why i chose each song

because i saw a post that was like "spotify should have a feature that allows you to add a full essay explaining why that song is in the playlist" and im not waiting for spotify to integrate that in, imma do it myself, HAHA

obligatory disclaimer that these r just my own thoughts and interpretations. spoilers for up to main story 6.2 and other stories here and there

wc: 1.7k (2k if u add all the lyrics i quote lmao)

here is the link to the playlist. now let me walk u through my choices.

part 1: the pre-story arc of oh, im nothing special

we dont get to see much of mc before the story's game officially Starts, but what we do get to see is through flashbacks in retrospect, and a lot of the time, mc does mention or express this sentiment of like

ah well. im not really anything special at all.

this sentiment comes in in a bunch of cards/stories with the boys (usually vyn or artem) when she sees their achievements and compares herself to them. but even sans the comparison, pre-story, i can see her under the assumption that shes completely run of the mill and nothing of note.

6/10 by dodie illustrates the "not very much" aspect of this

I feel like a six out of ten I've gotta get up early tomorrow again What goes on behind the words? Is there pity for the plain girl?

and Waiting in the Wings from Tangled Adventure is the reaction to this sentiment, in a sense. mc doesnt feel like shes much, but she does still believe in making a change, but god

when will her time come?

When you have the passion and the drive You expect your moment center stage to arrive I show up with heart a blazing Ready to achieve amazing things But I'm left waiting in the wings

this song in particular is fun, meta-narratively. it's the song of somebody wanting to the main character, and i think pre-story mc wishes for this moment, unaware that she indeed is the Main Character. like girl, sit tight, ur gonna be the protag.

pre-story mc doesnt think much of herself and is awaiting the moment she can have her chance. and when she does, thats when the story starts.

part 2: he butterflies and frustrations of falling in love

this portion of the playlist is wholly mc just going "aaAAAAA FEELINGS IM HAVING FEELINGS (?)" and the experience is a Lot.

it's novel and sweet and exciting (The Show by Lenka). but it also can make her feel off kilter, unsure, and helpless (Helpless by Rico Blanco). it's a nice experience, but it's also frustrating because she's constantly second guessing her own feelings and the feelings of the other (I Go Crazy by Orla Gartland) aaaaaand eventually once mc finally finally realizes her feelings, i just see it as character for her to be have this....not really impatience, but a certain restlessness on how exactly to get the show on the road, get the relationship moving forward (Make A Move by Lawrence)

part 3: Enneagram Type 1. "I believe that we can fix this over time."

swerve. from the cute delights and frustrations of love, i now wanna talk about what i interpret to be among mc's really important character beliefs: hope

and im also gonna assign her an enneagram type as well: Type 1

Type 1s are titled as The Reformer. this is somebody who is idealistic, believes in integrity, and desires the improvement of the world around them and their own self as well.

the song One by Sleeping At Last illustrates the gist of a Type 1 immensely well (while also making me cry)

Hold on for a minute 'Cause I believe that we can fix this over time That every imperfection is a lie Or at least an interruption Now hold on, let me finish No, I'm not saying perfect exists in this life But we'll only know for certain if we try

this is something apparent in the broad strokes choices of what mc does. in main story 5.3, the last trial, she thinks the line "Justice may not come as swiftly as we'd like, but evil shall never go unpunished. This is why I became an attorney. My conviction will not waver."

mc knows the world is flawed, she knows people do bad things and other people get hurt. perfection is not possible, but she is going to roll up her sleeves and work on it anyway.

this is what matters to her: trying to make things better

this isnt just in her career as a lawyer, it's also in her role as a character in the nxx boys' stories. for each and every one of them, being with her and experiencing events with her and building their relationship with her, all of that causes a shift in their beliefs/tendencies. on a narrative level, she is quite literally pushing the character development of the others

and on a "her as a person interacting with other people" level, she is a catalyst for change.

not just for them, but for her herself. as she pushes towards change, she grows and learns and the insecurity from pre-story slowly changes as well

another lyric in One is

The price of this so called perfection is everything I've spent my whole life searching desperately To find out that grace requires nothing of me

perfection isnt possible in real life and it isnt possible in herself as well. but thats alright. because who she is evidently enough to make things better and thats what she wants

however

this doesnt mean she is immune to doubt

part 4: what am i doing, who am i becoming, what can i do?

this portion of the playlist is part of mc's journey SPECIFICALLY in the aftermath of main story 6.2

once artem and mc are in the hospital, artem goes on his nice speech about justice which is great and did help mc feel a bit better. however, there mc's thought process still betrayed a newfound doubt.

in my main story 6.2 reaction post, i mention this but i'll summarize it: this is the first case thus far in global that doesnt end with a court trial. it's the first case where honestly, justice arguably wasnt served. desperation, cruelty, and anguish led to ava and jerry dead. the cruelty that ava had perpetuated ran so damn deep into so many people, spread to countless lives, and was just so bad that the only way it couldve ended was the cruelty collapsing in on itself. it's over.

but not over in the way mc sees as right or just. thus, she is now doubting certain beliefs and convictions she has, like her belief in justice and good and if that can make a difference

the sheer magnitude of this case...well, since we're not getting main story 7 for a bunch more months (hyv pls feel free to prove me wrong here lol, i'd happily accept THIS schedule deviation), i can only speculate that this doubt is something thatll weigh on her mind.

and with doubt, comes questions

Where Am I Now? from Lysistrata Jones is a great song that illustrates the doubt after a failure. all that effort gone to nothing, the first questions are going to be along the lines of where do we go from here?

Maybe just some more time, just a little more fight, Like they say, no guts, no glory. All and all I did fine or maybe I'm like a hundred miles off course, Well, maybe that was too much, maybe not enough. Maybe I should just turn back now. Cuz' how do I go on When everything's so wrong. Where am I now? How am I here? Which way do I turn When it's all so unclear? I'm standing alone With nothing but fear.

Flesh & Bone by Sammy Rae is a song that continues the questions that sprout from doubt. moving on from questioning the situation, mc now begins questioning herself, how shes changed

But I need to know I don’t need to be shown I've gotta see it for myself I've gotta learn it on my own I need to know if I am flesh & bone And am I still growing or full grown?

Green & Gold by Lianne La Havas is similar to the previous song but, since im a hopeful bastard at heart, the tone starts changing. still questioning but the answer is going to lie in the fact that mc is not going at all of this alone. shes got the rest of the nxx with her, supporting her and each other. this is the way out from doubt: looking through other people's eyes

Six years old Staring at my nose in the mirror Trying to get my toes in the mirror Thinking 'Who's that girl?' And 'Does the mirror world go on forever?' Carve me a road Sharpening the knives in the attic Trying to watch cartoons through the static Thinking where am I gonna be If I'm ever twenty three? I'm looking at a life unfold Dreaming of the green and gold Just like the ancient stone Every sun rise I know Those eyes you gave to me That let me see Where I come from

Last Hope by Paramore is the acceptance that things are going to be rocky, it's not always going to be clear cut, but damn it, if she's gotta believe in something anyway

It's just a spark but it's enough to keep me going And when it's dark out and no one's around it keeps glowing

and City Lights by December Avenue represents the convergence of the questions and the conviction to keep on going anyway. the pre-chorus includes the lyrics:

Where am I going now? I need a light to shine on me

while the chorus answers it

City lights they're all with me They fill me with serenity They're coming one by one Until I separate my mind into the light And I've got my chance to look

part 5: what love really means, how love can really help

if part 2 was about the surface level beginnings of love, this section is absolutely about the deeper benefits of love

Lost Stars from Begin Again is love still tinged with doubt, but an acceptance of that doubt. mc is never going to have a completely sure life, what with NXX stuff and also just the usual imperfections of how people work (gonna be true for all love interest routes, our boys are wonderfully flawed as hell, each w their own baggage and issues), but thats okay

because What You Mean To Me from Finding Neverland represents the uncertainty of love and how a leap of faith is what can get people through.

I won't lie I'm a little bit frightend Of my imagination Swear I'll try I'm feeling enlightened You're my inspiration We can fly if we want to I promise that faith will give you wings

and Look Up by Stars is a song that i put here not to represent a romantic love between mc and anybody

this song is a love towards herself

the chorus goes:

You're cold, maybe you just missed the sun You fall, feeling like its just begun So far, keeping it together's been enough Look up, rain is falling, looks like love

and the bridge goes:

(And still in toil, it takes heart to love the rose And still in toil, it takes heart to love the rose)

back when i was making the boys' playlists, i wanted to add this song in like. every single one of them JHAVKJHFAJKSFHA, cuz it fits all of them. they all have their moments of hopelessness or fear and they have to make the conscious choice to see better is out there, and a part of that better is our beloved rose-coded main character. back then, i took the bridge to be representing that it takes hard work (toil) and vulnerability (heart) to love her (rose)

but now i see it's a perfect song for mc herself. after all her doubts, every time shes fallen, every time it wasnt enough (toil), she gets back up. the heart she needs to love the rose, herself, is akin to her conviction in goodness. she has to believe in it (heart).

she has to believe in herself, the rose.

part 6: this story is going to be a good one, i will work to make make it a good one

all of these songs now are on the same general theme of Making Things Better, the joy of a brighter day ahead, and hope. but the one i do wanna focus on is Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

aside from being an absolute banger and also being in line with this part's theme, it's also a song that fits mc meta-narratively

she is Literally the main character. as the catalyst for the story's beginning and the other characters' development, she is the driving force pushing the story forward. to loop this back to the beginning, mc had seen herself as nothing special or of note. yet there are many many things that does set her out as a good person, and one of which the keeps the story going is the fact that she does not give up.

so while she'll have her low points, she gets back on track cuz and Keeps Going because this is something she believes in. through this, the story continues and she's definitely got opinions on what kind of story she wants to be making. the rest is unwritten, and shes determined to make this a good story for the herself and the people she cares about

#tears of themis #tot rosa #tot main character #tears of themis analysis #idk i just needed 2 more tags to fulfill my odd arbitrary rule of exactly 5 tags per post jhkjjkVKJH hope somebody can enjoy this

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mejomonster · 5 months

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I love reading.

I frequently select novels which are just So Long it takes me weeks to months to finish them. Making speed reading through a couple a week (my dream) unobtainable. I mean, I like reading nonfiction too, and maybe because of old college cramming skills I can read 2-4 400 page nonfiction books a week if Im okay with feeling tired all week.

Which, I have some niche recs if you're into non fiction: Stalking the Wild Pendulum by Bentov, When the Body Says No by Gabor Mate, Peoples History of the United States by Howard Zinn, The Reality of ESP by Russel Targ if youre into remote viewing history, Psychic Discoveries beyond the Iron Curtain by Ostrander and Schroeder on archive.org if youre into parapsychology and looking for other names to look into further since tbh this book is more journalism-entertainment than nonfiction reference also this books fairly old now, Immortal Remains - from a philosophy angle it was okay but frustrating to me except i got some good sources for further reading mentoned... but I prefer the UVA youtube lectures and the research they do since i just tend to prefer reading collected information myself, The Emotion Code - not necessarily informational in a verified sense but if youve ever considered paying money for an emotion code practitioner i liked the book cause i could just Learn the method and try it myself... free... and test and decide for myself regardless of if ifs placebo if its actually helpful to me or not, The Ancient Science and Art of Pranic Healing - this book doesnt have studies sourced as its more about teach The technique but i like that it lists sources for further reading - and its another case of "well i can just learn, test it on myself, see if its helpful or not" also im an absolute nerd about older books and the considerations that went into X book at Their time compared to now... if you ever saw my language learning textbooks collection from 1800s books to 2023 books youd know.

Speaking of here are some Fascinating Language Learning books. If youre curious about the Nature Method as in learn a language IN the lamguage by comprehensible context I recommend Ayan Academy playlists on youtube and the books: English by the Nature Method, Lingua Latina, La Francais Par Le Methode Nature, L'Italiano Secondo il Metodo Natura, Poco a Poco. (I also have many a youtube channel lessons recommendation for this learning method as I prefer it). For textbooks to learn primarily with graded reading materials Ive got: Beginning Chinese, Intermediate Chinese, and Advanced Chinese by John DeFrancis, Spanish for beginners by Charles Duff, French for Beginners Charles Duff, A Japanese Reader: Graded Lessons for Mastering the Written Language by Roy Miller (steep learning curve but decent preparation for reading actual novels and news which is great because i find a lot of japanese textbooks hover at beginner-intermediate but dont bridge all the way to necessary skills to understand complex texts). Cool books: Chinese Self Taught by The Natural Method by John Darroch (old af and some information is outdated and the pinyin system Hurts so focus on actual hanzi - but the grammar explanations are the easiest ive read and enjoyed reading), Japanese in 30 Hours (its basic japanese but it explains basic grammar understandably and helps you get a basic mental framework for the language making further study, i felt, much easier to adjust to, and its a short quick Study Up Basics book - id especially recommend it to people planning to learn using immersion/comprehensible input asap as it will give them a little bit of a skeleton to lean on), japaneseaudiolessons.com is an interesting introduction to audio flashcard lessons (fun fact glossika is just an expensive version of audio flashcard study which are just... audio in target language then a language you understand so you comprehend the sentence meaning and can learn new words/grammar from it by listening) and the site has a free grammar book to accompany it AND the site makers made kanji teaching books that come the closest to providing prewritten mnemonics for meaning AND pronunciation of japanese kanji in book study form. Something i appreciate since heisig books make you Make Up Your Own mnemonics so i find his books useless, and many japanese kanji teaching books that use mnemonics focus on meaning and skip teaching pronunciations since its harder to include multiple pronunciations in a mnemonic. For Chinese hanzi study, my favorite book is Tuttle's Learning Chinese Characters: (HSK Levels 1-3) A Revolutionary New Way to Learn the 800 Most Basic Chinese Characters, the book provides mnemonic stories for pronunciation including tone, and meaning, and example words. Its the backbone of how i learned the first few hundred hanzi and Learned How to personally remember more which made continuing to learn hanzi much easier. Since that Hanzi book, ive been desperate for a similarly written book for japanese kanji and... japaneseaudiolessons.com has the most similar kind of kanji books, but theirs is a drier and therefore harder read.

Anyway wow I got lost ToT back to my older point ayy. I have no time to read these fucking long ass fiction books I keep wanting to read ;-; my focus can resolve to read a nonfiction book in a frantic 6 hours of Research Mode then burn out and lose focus until im up for the next book. But i pick these long ass fiction books, and oddly i seem to read fiction slower so maybe im like savoring it idk. But i took like 2 months to finish Silent Reading by priest so. Yeah i WISH i was getring through these novels a touch faster ;-; i have so many i wanna read. Perplexingly i also read manga super slow, so i guess any fiction i slow down and savor or something

Books im trying desperately to read, to finish, or to get to after finishing my current books: Observations by janon (a fanfic but a great one and im only 30% done after 1 week intensively reading), kamikaze girls (1/3 done then i forgot the book so its been a few months), Old Fashion Cupcake (1/4 thru and the single volume is LONG), Devilman (1/8 through maybe), Sudden Silence (this book is like 200 pages frankly i have no idea why i didnt manage to finish it in a few days), Game of Thrones book 1 (in my defense its an audiobook so im only in like chapter 3 theres a cool youtube guy who does different voices and music for the chapters), The Expanse (i just started), The Dark Forest (book 2 of three body problem series im half done then i forgot it), In The Dark book 1 (1/3 done and its just... not quite getting my attention as well as other stuff i recently read), Little Mushroom (likely to start more solidly once i finish Observations), 2ha (i got volume 4 babey!!), Can Ci Pin (id like to restart and read in earnest im in a sci fi mood lately so i think ill get obsessed with this once i start), Breaking Through the Clouds (my instincts tell me this is most likely the only crime mystery novel thats going to manage to catch my attention after Silent Reading by priest impressed me so damn much its like in my top 5 books i ever read now), discworld (im just reading little snippets as i have time), Final Girl Support Group (1/4 done then i got busy and forgot it - this is by Grady Hendrix and so far ive loved everything they write, I highly recommend My Best Friends Exorcism it was great), Guardian (i have the english translation but im... eternally chugging away at the chinese and at the end of the First Arc which ive reread in chinese like 4 times now i need to just GET PAST THAT PART TO NEW PARTS and i dont really wanna read the english translation until ive read the original so i can compare), so many fucking novels by priest in my to read list... sha po lang, jinse, huai dao, guomen, lord seventh, faraway wanderers, the blue seal, tai sui, liu yao, lhjc, and again Can Ci Pin... then I have Peach Blossom Debt and Imperial Uncle, and Golden Stage on the to read list too... and Thousand Autumns, Peerless. And Wu Chang Jie, and Nightfall (evernight). Oh I also started reading Vampire Hunter D omnibus and that fucker is like 800 pages. Frankly most books i buy are 400-1200 pages. Usually 600 at minimum. Oh i also started reading One Piece manga, got to Sanji's introduction arc, then like most things... i forgot i was reading it and havent picked it back up for weeks. Basically... i try to get through a book but if it takes me more than 3 days (nonfiction usually takes me 1-2 days) then i risk forgetting i was reading it, forgetting for months, picking it back up and having to start over cause i forgot it for too long -.-;

Anyway my point

#rant #theres some nonfiction and fiction recs under tje cut but #its also just kind of a rambling mess lol #rec list #if you have any favorites in that fiction section let me know #it might help me prioritize what the fuck to read next lol #apthough i predict im gonna be reading observations for another month first

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threadsun · 1 year

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I DONT NEED MORE REASONS YOUVE CONVINCED ME !!

-JDA here-

OH !! Remember that art takes time and everyone goes in their own rhythm !!

I used to feel down bad about my old art,,, kinda still do but uh you sorta just work it out— tho sometimes i still have my breakdowns here and there, but yknow now I just do what I want, I even started posting my art again and I have like 3 followers that are real people and tbh I’m happy with that !! Also I do shitty drawings to my friends on their birthdays and they say they like them so !! Just happy about that !! -they even put the silly drawing I made of them as their profile pic and Im always in tears-

I have no idea on how to give motivational speeches uh,,, sometimes just doodling random stuff helps???

Idk, I’m working on a silly drawing for an artist I like, they have this silly character and I really like her !! It’s,,, a bit bloodier than my usual stuff so I have no idea how to draw blood but yknow that’s what I mean like, everyone goes in their own rhythm !! (Also I get the baby stomping thingy, I’m also like that for video games like no I don’t want practice mode just get me to the final boss I’ll beat his ass)

OH IM DROOLING FOR Z 24/7 my mind keeps going wild with stuff, rn I have silly ideas I still haven’t actually gotten into asking,,, I forget sorry— I should actually start writing stuff down, I have random scenarios, random videos I think would fit silly characters, songs, stuff stuff, I have a life don’t worry !!

>:3c I just think that as bad as smoking is for people, it is inherently homoerotic and sexy~

Thanks <3 I appreciate it tbh!! I usually just stick to the things I'm good at because I get easily frustrated, but I really want to get good at art. So I need to practice more. And probably share more of my silly little drawings, even if I don't think they're very good. Your art is very nice, I'm sure the artist will love it!!!

Heeheehoohoo I'm so glad, I love Z so much!! I need to work on his playlist tbh. I have one for him but it's outdated now, and I kinda wanna update it? Hmmm....

#sunshine #asks #jda #I keep meaning to update his playlist and then forgetting

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wulvert · 1 year

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ITS 1998??? HELP I THOUGHT IT WAS EARLY 90S THIS ENTIRE TIME. IM FREE ILL NEVER BE TIME INACCURATE EVER AGAIN WITH THIS INFO (edit: just checked why i thought this. it was once again my inability to do basic math of avery's d.o.b (1972) + 26. HOW DID I GET 1991 THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING)

u also didnt ask but my favorite pokemon is volcarona i love that guy. seconded in a tie by ninetales, garchomp, and hisuian zoroak,,,and eevee,,,an- (i have so many oh god)

TRUBBISH N' MUNNA,,,THE VIBE CONTRAST,,,scarlet "found munna in the dreamyard" vs avery "i found This Thing in the trash. it Bit me"

i love unova sm!! and yea. i also thought the sp was 90s. it originally releasing in 2003 feels like a lie i refuse to believe it

more of Them:

once vampires get invited into a home once, can they come in freely later without having to ask again, or do they have to be invited in every time?

what anime does scarlet watch,,,u wont believe this but its actually relevant to both a scene in my brain i need to write AND a playlist i definitely dont have (that definitely doesnt already have revolutionary girl utena's opening already in it thatd be crazy)

um. thats all i got (For Now). here check this guy out -> :3

YEA SORRY ppl also confuse my handwriting on her id with 1992 which makes things a whole thing too. im ngl i get too lazy to put text font proper on physical objects these days which is bad bc my handwriting is like so insanely shit.

volcarona is very cute i wanted my larvesta to evolve so bad as a kid but i hated battling too much to actually level it high enough so it never did and it was frustrating & tragic. unova was my first proper pokemon game so gen 5 dex is usually what i think of!! i rly like the ones in that one.

yes they can come and go as they pls after being invited in once :)

she probably watches most of what she can get her hands on, she and fish meet up at weekends to watch stuff( idk if i mentioned theyre like... acquaintances, they watch niche stuff together but dont really talk outside of that bc they both have stuff to hide- scarlet has access to fishs house which is why she says theyll never let YOU in- shes already allowed in :) as if anyone remembers an offhand comment from a couple months ago) i need to finish utena,, i rly like the op.

whatever u think shed like she probably watches. and trigun bc i like trigun. canonically mentioned though she reads snorpworld which is a title i made up and i have no idea what itd be about. and like iirc an alien romance poster is on her wall.

#asks #avery has never willingly watched a tv show in her life

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octorosi · 2 years

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So- you all may not know this about me, but I love to write! So here’s a little thing I wrote,

This is written from Bianca’s POV

I’m rudely woken up by Orson and ursa, they are early birds, they enjoy the morning. Me on the other hand, haha, I would rather sleep in. I lay in bed for a wile before ursa yanks my arm, gesturing me to get up. Ursa isn’t as patient as her brother, but hey, that’s what makes ursa, ursa.

I send the cubs off to their polar scout groups, knowing I won’t see them until later in the afternoon. As I walk back to my den, my mind begins to wander, I start to think about my twin brother, as you may know by now, or you may not, I have a twin brother, their name is barnacles! I miss them sometimes, considering the fact they are leader of the Octonauts now. I’m very proud of her, Although there are some times that they scare me, once they jumped in front of a attacking shark and needed surgery. I was so worried about her, I knew if something bad happened I wouldn’t be there in time, and they would have to through it alone…To fill the time I don’t see them, I call them as much as I can, although I need to keep it to a minimum so I don’t disturb their work.

It’s now 1 in the afternoon, I’m preparing dinner for Orson, ursa, and me. All was well! I was jamming out to a happy and energetic playlist, unlike my sibling, I enjoy energetic music! Barnacles enjoys calming music or sad- but Nicki Manaj is a acceptation, they love Nicki Manaj but they refuse to admit it to anyone! I jokingly tease her about it but I make sure to let them know I’m joking.

“Ring! Ring!” My telephone begins to ring. I put down the spatula I was holding and picked up the phone. “Hello?” “Hay bia!” I smile big, it’s barnacles! “Hay! I thought you were busy today?” I ask curiously, “well! The crew told me to take a break- “ “and you listened?” I answered teasingly, “barnacles well, I didn’t want to, but I messed up my leg this morning,” my heart drops. “you…WHAT????” She laughs nervously on the other side of the phone. “Yeah, I tried to help out a shark who got his tale stuck under a rock and I accidentally dropped that heavy rock on my leg,” I shut my eyes in frustration, im mad at them, they always get themselves hurt helping others, why can’t they help them fucking selves sometimes to. “Barnacles…” I begin, “bia don’t worry about me! I’ll recover!” I’m fuming at this point. “Barnacles.” I say firmly, “PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF! I DONT NEED YOU DIEING. THATS NOT SOMETHING I WANT.” I’m angry with her, they know better, “I’m sorry bia, I know your worried, I should take better care of myself. I just don’t know how,” I now feel guilty, I know barnacles was never taught how to care about themselves, they were always taught to put themselves last, “sorry barna, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that…” “all good bia bia” they laugh on the other side of the phone.

“IS THAT UNCLE BARNACLES ON THE PHONE!!!” The cubs shout as they run through the front door. clearly hoping it’s their uncle on the phone, “yes it’s aunt barnacles, come over and say hi!” If your wondering barnacles doesn’t really care what the cubs call them, aunt, uncle, doesn’t really matter to them, the cubs snach the phone and begin to explain to barnacles how they earned todays badge. I smile softly, If there’s one thing barnacles is good at besides being a amazing captain…is being a wonderful sibling, I’m glad I have someone like them in my life. I wouldn’t trade them for the world,

#rosi’s random rambles #captain barnacles #Bianca <3333 #Orson and Ursa 🥹🥹🥹#this took like 30 minutes? idrl I didn’t count XD #SWEAR TW AND MENSONS OF DEATH AND SOME INJURIES IG-

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twslug · 9 months

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gonna answer all the q's of that one post i rbed like two days ago or something, answers below break if u gaf (really not groundbreaking info)

answers start here:

that i don't have to do a lot of things (both academically and in my personal life) that i don't want to do but pressure myself to do anyway. a lot of things really and truly Do Not matter

isolating myself due to anxiety or aimless frustration that i don't have an outlet for,,, big fan of Being locked in a room for hours

fav self care is skin care/workout and good music, i'm listening to my girly pop playlist post-workout (current song is toxic by nico rosberg aka britney bitch, so just envision these mentally ill answers with fergie and britney and katy perry and rihanna in the background)

most vivid memory is definitely not a visual memory, i've got some memory loss so i don't remember much of anything about my life. HOWEVER i have an echoic memory, so i really latch onto peoples' voices. i looove f1 with all the different accents and languages (lowkey linguistics hpfx) so i can have drivers narrating my thoughts. charles's voice is super imprinted on my brain because he has a very unique (imo) speech cadence and choice of wording in english, same for max (both verstappen and fewtrell), lando, and other random celebrities or youtubers or irls or characters etc etc.

would like to recieve some emotional/social support, was kind of pushed to the side because my brother is more extroverted, better at school, had asthma and ocd and several food allergies, but i was left to my own devices because i was much quieter and in the background.

have always wanted to be able to take academics into my own hands, as per the last answer, i am very quiet irl and have a hard time asking for help so i spend a lot of schooling teaching myself, so i've mastered the ability to put my head down and succeed by myself but at what cost yknow, i cant even speak to professors or other students

apathy. chronic, neverending, borderline infectious apathy. im very stubborn so if my brain has become apathetic about something then you will never get me to care about it, even if i myself want to

rly gets to me when people are mean to people i like, for an f1 example, idk i like a lot of the drivers but seeing people be blatantly mean to them (criticism and affectionate jabs are Fine) really makes me feel upset and/or almost ill, i get rly anxious for some reason like i'm the one being insulted

no i don't cry. not really (back to the playlist, family ties by baby keem just came on TURN THIS SHIT UUUPPP) anyway i dont really cry, lots of apathy, forced to be the quiet kid etc etc

have done lots of improvement on my body image and having confidence in what i say/believe, esecially in a family setting, lots of my problems are from childhood and being overly quiet/shy, so i rly struggle(d) with speaking my mind but now Nobody has anything on me, my moms dad was a county sheriff and i openly rip on cops in front of her like fuccckkk off u made me like this

was very mentally ill at the time (was also during covid, so i was really mentally unwell), and they had their own problems, ended up having a rly toxic relationship. neither of us had redeeming qualities, said some things we shouldn't have, like mutual punching bags

wish i could connect to my new roommates for this upcoming college/university semester, again: very bad at talking to people, maybe it will be better when we all live together (copium)

POLITICS TIME: i get irrationally angry at people who know nothing about the US south, i live here and it pisses me off when most political "hot takes" about american southern conservatism are boiled down to classism and/or racism, drives me fucking insane

i only like affectionate teasing if i know you rly well or the jab isnt something im insecure about, but im a bit of a hypocrite because i playfully insult people all the time, good rule of thumb i follow is just never go for appearance, all makes u look like a dick

prefer to be numb, because even though its one of the worst things to ever happen to my Cranium, i have a really easy time letting things go and not being upset over things i should probably be upset about. its kind of peaceful when u come to terms with it

talent ive overlooked/lost is ,,,,,,, i actually dont know, i think ive honed the things im really good at, i was really good at being a stage manager in school theatre (was assistant director and stage manager for les mis in 10th grade, bitches love my organizational skills), maybe i pick that up again somewhere

call me seb vettel the way i really liked dark blue in the but switched to loving bright bright #ff0000 red, like the brightest u can get... good shit... Also british racing green forever and always

my stuffed animals :-) no harm in keeping them, i suppose

well this ones easy because i dont like talking about infodumping about the innerworkings of my Psyche but here we are, i feel a bit bothersome, hence this entire post being hidden under a page break ..

LAST ONE (current song playing is dancing in the moonlight by king harvest, for those of u following along athome), i believe people think im much kinder than i think i am. if that makes sense. i know the things ive said to other people, about other people, about myself, etc, and i just feel this kind of imposter syndrome whenever people say they think im rly kind or fun to be around because i know deep down i am miserable and evil and nasty... And dont even hit me w that "bad people dont care that theyre bad so u caring makes u not bad" no no no, thats the thing, i dont care . i am Evil... ebil,,,,,, Deomn evil

#SORRY FOR TALKING SO MUCH #twslug.txt #okay goodnight to everyone who read Any of this :-)#and to the rest of u... gn i guess.... wtvr #not f1

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sociallyawkward--fics · 10 months

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hi xy time for what is becoming my annual checkin! how are u! i feel like since its been abt a year i have to infodump abt all my character development hold on i'll speedrun it. my pronouns r it/its zhey/zhem or (less preferred) they/them. and i have settled on those. it/its is the only one thats ever given me gender euphoria, took 4 years but i got there. ummm realized i have autism (undiagnosed). love the stimming and the being insane abt fictional characters the rest isnt that great. got anxiety meds!!!!! oh my god xy!!!! life is so good now antidepressants r a girls best friend. also. hold on ur never gonna believe this. i have adhd meds now. the crowd goes wild. was like yea doc idk i just think the anxiety meds r not improving my ability to focus what was that u said abt adhd^__^ n she was like hmmmm ok i cant diagnose u but i can give u this adderall u dont need a diagnosis for n if its like glory hallelujah we'll just assume u have it and GLORY HALLELUJAH. ive cleaned my room like more times in the past few months than i have my entire life im WINNING. i cant rly feel if its working but i'll sit down to write or smth n i wont get distracted every 5 seconds n the mental block that keeps me from doing things is gone!!!!! life changing stuff just wish i had it before my grades fuckin woooo splat. um my gpa is 2.2 weighted im like. ok well now that i have adhd meds im working on it -H (i feel like. ok i think tumblr made it so ur asks can be longer but fuck all those liberals n their woke agenda (joke) i am all abt tradition babey i'll be back for a pt 2 rq)

ummm rly into books love books. "thats old news h everyone knows that" but like im being wonderfully unnormal abt them<3 there was this one series the ascendance trilogy n i was fucking OBSESSED w it when i was younger n i learned there was a 4th n 5th book recently so like. the trilogy thing was a fuckin lie. but i obviously had to reread the series so i could read the new books n im still so obsessed w the series its so banger for a middlegrade series. got so unnormal abt it i made a 7hr playlist for the main character bc everyone elses sucked so much ass i just had to. still in the process of rereading but yeah. also theres this OTHER series the raven cycle i read recently n im also obsessed w that these series r all like my ideal books they hit all my favorite tropes. yeah just being rly unnormal abt books thats my current obsession. also. drawing. im so good at it u wouldnt believe. next fuckin van gogh right here. n honestly i dont even care abt going off anon it just bothers me bc my ROUTINE. the TRADITION. its just not the same. but i'll go off it just for u to show u some of my banger art. at a stage where im pretty frustrated at my limitations but that doesnt mean i cant recognize that im fucking awesome ok hold on again -H but yea ok to finish up what have u been up to! tempted to just ask what shows/game/etc uve been into but also i am exerting a little of my brain power to realize some ppls lives dont revolve around those. so just liek what have u been spending a lot of time doing. how is writing going! wait what r ur drawing skills just out of curiosity draw smth for me (if ur comfy ofc n dw i completely understand if it fuckin sucks taht was me just over a year ago) -H (when i was younger i used to think that ppl couldnt be good at writing n drawing they had to choose one. exerted my baby brain power to be like. it takes too long to get good at them u can only do one. then saw a book w the cover art credited to the author n i was like woahhh this is fuckin crazy living my younger selfs pipe dream)

----------

The way I have had a reminder on my phone to answer these asks for MONTHS but my executive function has been GARBAGE i am so sorry my friend it was not intentional to leave this sitting for so long i am so sorry!!! (also between the two of us this got Long so i am putting a read more so i don't take up a big block of people's dash in my return from the dead lol)

thank you for pronouns update! congrats on meds!! i gotta get me some of those so i can Detroit: Become Functional lol. I am rooting for you with your GPA!!! Also lol, love that we are following tradition of multiple asks still even with the tumblr updates letting asks be way longer now lol, it is just Familiar To Us

I will have to look into the ascendance trilogy!! My sibling is also obsessed with the raven cycle, but i have not read it yet (still debating if i want to or not, have been for YEARS lol, because i keep hearing "author problematic" and then never remember Why because i have Goldfish Memory). I will not post your off-anon ask with the artwork unless you want me to (want you to feel comfy on the blog and sending asks and I know you prefer anon!), but i will say that your art is AWESOME, my friend!! you are SO good and you're only going to keep getting better! I am glad you enjoy it!

Also bestie. This is a neurodivergent space lol, my life also revolves around shows/games/books/etc. they are the only thing that make the monotony of life and job-having under a neurotypical capitalistic society bearable lol. I actually have been getting back into reading ACTUAL BOOKS lately which feels GREAT (because reading Actual Books when i am so tired and Non-Functioning all the time is Hard lol), i am finally going through my seemingly-endless TBR and also have reread some old faves this year. Games-wise, the only thing i ever think about is still the Dragon Age games, Alistair is the love and light of my life lol. Show-wise.... i am in Limbo because of the Exhaustion, tragically, and also just waiting on new seasons (OFMD). Witcher has a new season out, but i have not watched it yet because Energy and also i have no motivation to because the last season they put out was so bad (even if i hear this one is good, i have lost trust lol)

Writing is. Not quite going lol. I have not finished a fanfic in ages, and also have made little to no progress on any of my original work attempts either, tragically. Hopefully things look up for me soon cuz I wanna get stuff DONE again lol, this blog has become so quiet and near obsolete because i cannot FINISH anything and it is TRAGIC.

Also, I have little-to-no drawing skills, but I also unfortunately do not have much energy to apply to drawing you a picture atm :(( maybe someday. Sometimes I can draw something that makes me go "omg i am not Awful, maybe I could actually put thoughts and energy into learning this as a skill" and other times it is like "i will never put pencil to paper (or stylus to screen) ever again" lol. Maybe someday when i am doing Better again i will hopefully have the energy to draw you something!!

#ask #anon #H anon #oh also fun fact i am teaching myself like. how do you say it in a way that makes sense lol. like how to make resin crafts n such

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thatsgonnaleaveamark · 2 years

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im kinda writing again after the longest time and several ocs and settings i just couldnt write for, and its very nice

#i talk #i love my ocs but i dont know what to write for them at allll #like my private detective team? no idea #my dystopian futuristic guys or my reporter guy or my ghost guy i love them but ive tried and couldnt do it lol #and now im in this post apocalyptic scenario which im always a sucker for and ive got a fitting playlist and it gets me in such a mood #and im not a very practised writer especially in english my sentences often just dont sound natural #not that im much better in german which ive also tried #but maybe ill get some of that up for febuwhump if i manage #its frustrating at times cause im full on feeling the writing and setting vibes but cant think of the right words #but its still nice to finally have some ideas for a setting that i adore in media

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technowoah · 3 years

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if you're taking asks for the prompts, can you do 11 and 17 from the angst list with george but have a fluffy ending? she/her pronouns pls

I Can Make It Right

SHSJS I HAVE SO MUCH ANGST IN MY INBOX YALL!

Thanks for the request babe! The way it came out was gender neutral i dont think I user she/her, but it still works trust me!

George x reader imagine (established)

11) "It's not important apparently"

17) "You already made me feel like shit so might as well finish me off"

⚠︎ angst with happy ending, unresolved issue but they're gonna fix it dont worry 😌, angry George, swearing

*** = flashback

Masterlist

You had stood infront of your bathroom mirror finishing up your makeup for the night. Your hair was already done and you had a nice outfit on, not to fancy and not too comfortable. While listening to a playlist George had made for you, you had put down the brushes you were using. It didnt really matter if you cleaned up your makeup that was littered all over the sink right now, but right now you were feeling good.

Today was your and George's 3rd year anniversary and you couldn't be happier about it. Today you two were going to dinner and doing something else which was supposed to be a surprise for you. It was a night on the town.

George and you met 4 years ago actually. You two started out as acquaintances, the slowly grew into friends and then one day he asked you to join him to dinner. At first you were oblivious to his actions, thinking he was just being a good friend, but turns out the more dates you two went on the more you caught on. He officially asked you to be his girlfriend 3 years ago today.

His friends keep on pressuring George to propose already, they think it's been long enough. The only thing close to marriage is a promise ring. He put the ring on your finger as a promise that one day he would marry you, everytime you doubt that he will propose you turn your attention to the cute ring on your finger.

You had turned off the bedroom lights and sat on your bed finally relaxing after struggling to find a decent enough outfit for tonight. George said that he was going to pick you up around 6:00 and now it is 5:47 so you had some time to spare.

You had found yourself scrolling through tiktok because you had nothing else better to do at this moment. It was a guilty pleasure of yours even though you and george both joked around about hating tiktok.

Time began to tick away so you had checked the clock on your phone which said 5:57 pm. You had grabbed shoes that you set up against your bed, slipped them on and grabbed all of your belongings for the night. You stationed yourself in the living room waiting till George came to the door.

Nervousness always came up before a date, it was the anticipation actually. You were excited and nervous about the date as you always were, but today for you was special. It was three years worth of beautiful love. You remembered the time he first said I love you too, it was just like it was yesterday.

***

"Hey y/n." George looked towards you. You both were sitting on a plaid, plush blanket with a brown woven basket ontop in between you two. It was just like the movies and that why you cringed because of how cheesy it was when George led you to it.

It was sweet, it was extremely sweet and you loved these dates that George always brung you too. You always felt special when you are sitting next to him.

You responded to George. "Yeah Gogy?" You laughed at the use of his nickname.

"Im trying to be serious right now and you call me Gogy." George smiled and shook his head. "Anyways, you know I love you, right?"

"Of course I do-"

"No I love you. I mean. I'm in love with you." George reached to rest his hand ontop of yours and repeated himself. "I'm in live with you y/n."

You wasted no time answering. "Im in love with you too."

***

6:03

George didnt show up yet, but there was no sweat. He was only 3 minutes late, maybe he ran into traffick. Your stomach was rumbling, but you didnt want to eat yet since you two we're planning to go to dinner. Patience is key, and it wasnt like he wasn't late before.

6:10

You started to get worried, it's been 10 minutes and still no sign of your boyfriend. You had gotton up several times to check outside of your door only to be met with no one. Your mind was jumping to conclusions about if he forgot your anniversary, but you shut those thoughts out for the time being.

6:19

Okay this is getting out of hand. You brung out our phone and began to text George, you couldn't believe that you had waited this long before texting the man.

Where are you? Ive been waiting for 29 minutes?!

[Sent: 6:20pm]

George what are you doing?

[Sent: 6:20pm]

You awaited his text message with your phone faced up on the coffee table infront of you. You didn't want to believe that George woukd forget, or overslept, but that was becoming truth the more minutes passed by with no call or text.

6:30

Calling him was useless, because he didn't answer. He didn't hang up on you he just wasn't picking up the phone, like he turned it off. You started to get worried if something happened to him, if he was in a situation where he couldn't call or text you. You wondered if he was safe at home and not out in the middle of the street.

In a flash all your worries subsided when your phone lit up with a notification.

ThisIsNotGeorgeNotFound is live:

Im Playing golf with my friends

That son of a bitch. Pissed off was an understatement, you were fuming. How could he end up streaming at home when you had constantly reminded him about this day, he knew damn well about this day too. How could he?

You ended up grabbing a jacket and your purse and ended up driving to George's place. It seemed like he was mocking you in a way, he knew you had notifications on for Twitch. You loved to support him and his career, but this was making a fool out of yourself.

Your hand tightly gripped the steering wheel as you tried not to run every red light you cane across. You finally came across George's home, you found a place to park and quickly got out of your car and sped walked your way to George's residence. Finally making up to George's door you knocked harshly on the door probably making more noise than what you intended too. You continuously banged on his door until you got fed up.

Remembering that George had given you a key to his house you dig through your purse to get your set of keys out anr unlock his door. You stomped inside his house and closed the door behind you.

"GEORGE! GEORGE!" You yelled through the house. You were being reckless and annoying, but you didnt care at this point you were fuming and needed to tell George how you feel.

You had made your way to George's recording room where he was talking to his friends on discord. George looked towards you in shock clearly not hearing the sounds you were making throughout his house.

"Y/N?!" George yelled and muted his microphone.

"What the hell are you doing?" You exclaimed back.

"Im streaming thats what Im doing!" George sassed back at you, not paying attention to his screen and the chat.

"Dont get smart with me. End the stream."

"What?! No!"

"You heard me, we need to talk." You crossed your arms across your chest. Your heart was beating too fast for your liking and you tried to calm yourself down, but George's comments were getting to you.

George was about to unmute himself and get back to the game. "No we dont-"

"GEORGE END THE FUCKING STREAM! This is embarrassing! Talk to me cause you have some explaining to do." You snapped at him.

A silence tell upon you two and he glared at you before turning to his stream and closing it out.

"Okay guys! Go watch the other boys streams I need to go now! Bye!" George quickly ended and turned off everything.

He turned around to you still sitting in his chair. "What? What do you want?"

"Do you know what today is?" You asked.

"April 30th." George answered bluntly.

"Thats all you have to say?" You asked in shock. "It's our anniversary dickhead!"

"I fucking know that." George said.

"You do? So why did you start streaming and we had dinner plans?!"

"I told you we were streaming! You weren't listening to me!" George stood up from his chair when he said that.

"When the fuck did you tell me this?!"

"A couple days ago! You didn't listen!"

"But you knew that was our anniversary! And we made dinnerr plans-"

George yelled over you. "A month ago! We made those plans a month ago so excuse me for forgetting!"

"So all these other years you remembered our anniversary and went out of your fucking way to cancel other plans around that date, but today you didnt because why?!" Tears were threatening to fall down you cheeks, but you wouldnt let him see you like that.

"Because I planned this already with the boys! And AGAIN you werent listening to me when I said that-"

"There were several other times that you could've told me too! But you didn't!" You sniffed trying to keep the frustrated tears inside.

"I already planned this and I cant go back on my promise-"

"But you can with me?!" You yelled and George stopped talking. He's just studying your face at this point and you hated this silence.

"Its not important apparently." You said while walking out of the recording room.

"You're being a bitch." He mumbled.

"Excuse me?! That is so disrespectful!" You spun around yelled at him.

"You already made me feel like shit so might as well finish me off." George said in a annoying tone.

"Yeah you should feel like shit! I feel like shit too so-!" You threw your hands up in exasperation and stormed out the room. You had made it to the door before George called out to you again.

"Y/n! Y/n! Please!"

"No! Just..." You paused before opening the door and ushering your way out. "Call me when you get your shit together.

You were currently curled up on your couch eating leftovers that you had in the refrigerator. That had satisfied your hunger for the night because the dinner was canceled that night. Your anger and sadness had subsided and you were only left with an unusual feeling in your heart. Your relationship felt incomplete, this fight felt incomplete. You didnt break up with him, but you were waiting for closure.

The TV was the only light in the room. It illuminated what it wanted to, you didnt care if it was too dark. Usually you would be cuddled up with George at this ungoldy hour, but you weren't and that made you tear up.

Your sadness was still there, your anger towards George turned into pity. You were sad about the actions he took, but somewhere in your heart you could forgive him. You could forgive and move on if he would come to you.

Speaking of, you had a knock on your door. You didn't have the strength to get up, but you did. Shuffling your way to the door you sluggishly opened it to find George standing there with his hands in his hoodie. The person you wanted to see, but at the same time you wanted to slam that door in his face.

"Hey." George spoke and you gave him a small smile, nothing more.

You turned around to find your seat back on the couch where you were comfortable, but also giving him a silent invitation to come inside. You had sat down on the couch not paying attention to George, but you knew he closed the door, took off his shoes by yours, and put his keys on the table by the door like he always did. It was like a routine to him.

George ended up awkwardly standing beside the couch as you ignored him.

"You know, if you didnt open the door I would've used my keys like you did." George tried to spark up a conversation, but you only hummed in response. You were scared that if you spoke, you would cry.

George ended up making his way to the couch sitting beside you and pulling you into his embrace. Your head was on his chest and you began to sob. You missed this it's only been a few hours, but you had felt that in those few hours you had lost everything. You continued to sob into his hoodie as he rubbed your back and shushed you, whispering sweet nothings into the air only for you to hear.

"Im here, and Im sorry. Im so fucking sorry that I did this to you and I only hope that you can forgive me." George said, his voice cracking a little when he said that. You kept crying.

That's what you wanted to hear all along, that's what you needed. You could forgive him in due time, you always will because you love him, you will always love him. You both can always make it right.

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rommahh · 3 years

Text

Better

Word Count: 3.9K

Pairing: Buckybarnesxfem!reader

{This is for @metalbuckaroo's challenge. I had this brewing for a minute but college has got in a chokehold. I chose prompt #30 from the given prompt list. I hope y'all like this read. Love, R}

Bucky trailed behind Y/N as she ignored his calls. Her boots clicked loudly in the small hallway as she rushed towards their shared apartment. Her keys shook in her hand, body tense with anxiety and anger.

Bucky reached her at the door, his hands loosely gripping her arms. Y/N shoved the door open, her body snapping away from his. Y/N haphazardly throws her keys in the small bowl that sat on the hallway side table.

Her chest heaved with deep breaths as she tried to remain calm.

“Y/N please, what is going on? Why are you so mad?” Bucky questioned, slamming the door behind him as his own frustrations started to catch up with him.

“I'm going to bed.” Is all she said to him without even meeting his eyes. She was quick to enter her room and lock the door before he could say anymore. Bucky stood behind her door in confusion. His body still tingled with the lasting effects of the shots he took hours prior.

Sitting on your bed, Y/N finally released. Her shoulders dropped, her body hunching over itself as the tears started flowing.

Y/N had been looking for Bucky for what felt like hours. He was her ride back to the apartment and having been at this party for over four hours- she was exhausted. There was a twinge of disappointment that lingered in her caused by Bucky's disappearance. He invited her to this party tonight but quickly left her to her own devices the moment the both of them walked through the frat’s doors.

The house was mainly empty except for the few lingering bodies that were drunkenly wandering around. She climbed up the stairs that lead to a common room on the second floor. Y/N’s cute white go-go boots were tight on your feet, making her wince at every step. Fashion was a moment type thing, not a four hour long excursion.

Y/N heard a group of voices leading from the common room once you reached the top of the stairs. She listened out waiting to see if she could hear Bucky’s voice before walking through the doors of the common room.

“I don't know why you hang out with that girl Bucky.” Her ears perked at his name. Y/N almost walked through the door but she took a step back to listen to what they were saying.

“Yeah, shes fucking weird.” The group laughed. “I mean look at how she dressed tonight. She’s wearing a costume.”

Y/N looked down at her 80’s inspired dress with a frown. She thought she looked cute tonight, Bucky said she looked cute. She couldn't stop blushing after she heard his words.

“She’s a freak barnes. All she does is follow you around. Are you sure you guys aren't dating?” One of the boys asked with a chuckle. No one said her name yet but she knew they were talking about her. She could tell.

“Y/N’s not that bad. She just doesn't have any friends. I don't like her like that, not my type. She's got that weird anxiety thing.” Bucky's voice finally sounded out from the group. Y/N heart hurt hearing his words. Weird anxiety thing?

“Yeah, making her a freak. So you're just friends with her out of pity? Are you at least getting community service hours?” The group laughed again, Bucky's deep laugh standing out to Y/N.

“You have a lot of strength for a man who's not getting any ass from the girl he's keeping company with. Shes weird as fuck but her body is still bangin. Have you ever copped a feel of her tits? I would hang out with the loser if I got to fuck her too.” Someone commented. Y/N felt bile rise in her throat. She could feel a panic attack approaching having heard the sexual comments about her body. She stepped out from around the wall into the common room. All eyes snapped up to her, some eyes widening in shock. Bucky just looked up, not catching on that his roommate may have heard the horrid words said about her.

“I-im ready to go home, Bucky.” She hadn't looked up from where her feet were rooted on the stained wood floors. Bucky slowly wobbled up from his seat. The rest of the guys watching quietly, some snickering at Bucky's submissiveness.

“Here sweets, you're gonna have to drive.” Bucky says handing his keys over to Y/N. Without looking at him, she snatches the keys from his hands and quickly retreats to his car. Bucky stumbles behind her confused by her attitude.

Y/N walked to Bucky’s car, arms covering whatever they could cover on her body. Her mind telling her she was unsafe, her anxiety telling her even worse things.

Bucky eyes burned from the headache he had. He felt physically ill as he woke up from the living room couch. Last night's activities blur in his mind, no clear memories presenting themselves. He sits up to rest his forearms on his knees trying to calm his bubbling stomach.

The first thing he notices as he comes to his senses is the lack of Y/N’s noise. Normally the small apartment would be filled with the sounds of her sunday playlist as she cleans about. He also doesn't smell her extra dark and strong coffee that she only makes for sundays. He doesnt smell her out of the can cinnamon rolls either that she would normally wake him up with on a small tray with said coffee.

He finds it odd that her presence is lacking in the apartment. Standing, he makes his way over to her room knocking on it slightly. He hears shuffling from the other side but no one comes to open the door.

“Hey sweets, everything ok?” He knocks again to gain her attention.

“I-Im fine Bucky, please go away.” She stutters out to Bucky. Bucky is shocked by her statement not used to being pushed away by her.

“Oh ok, just let me know if you need anything.” He says quietly.

Y/N remained the same way over the next few days. She rarely came out of her room when she was in the apartment leaving Bucky on his own. She stopped making him meals out of kindness or filling up his canisters of water for workouts. She stopped baking him treats as midday pick me ups. She didnt wait for him to get out of classes so they could gossip about what was going on on campus. She didnt bother him at all.

Bucky felt uneasy about Y/N’s silence. He was hurt by her sudden disappearance. Hurt that she could just ghost him without any reason. But there was a reason, Bucky just didnt remember.

Y/N sluggishly walked into the apartment after taking an extensive exam in one of her classes. She tried to walk quietly throughout the apartment to not catch the attention of Bucky. She walks softly on her feet close to the opening of the kitchen.

“Hey.” A quiet voice makes Y/N jump in her spot. Her mission of going unnoticed failed. Bucky leans against the kitchen counter that is parallel to the opening of the kitchen. His feet are crossed in front of him, hands holding a cup of tea.

“Hi.” Her tone matches his. She turns her body to face his, hands fidgeting with each other. She slightly moved from foot to foot, a trait that had been acquired out of nerves. Bucky recognized her tic, his heart constricting at the thought that he might have done something to cause it.

“Y/N, please, what's going on?” Bucky can see that she's not wearing one of her normal outfits that are adorned in bright colors and fun patterns. Instead, her body is covered in a boring sweater that hides most of her body. She wears a large pair of jeans underneath, a belt tightly bounding it to her body.

“Nothing Bucky.” She dismisses. Bucky feels his anger peak. A range of emotion he tried to hide away breaching over its point. He missed his best friend beyond belief and all she could give was a few words.

“It's not nothing Y/N!” He snaps slamming his mug of tea on the counter. Y/N flinches at the sound. Her hands start to shake, not out of fear of Bucky but from unwarranted anxiousness. “I've given you your space but its killing me. I miss you Y/N. I dont get what happened?”

Y/N feels her eyes well up with tears.

“You hurt me Bucky.” It was Bucky’s turn to flinch hearing her words. He hurt her?

“I don't know what I did though.” His voice sounded childlike as he whined.

“At the party, you let your friends talk poorly about me. You-you let them call me a freak and-and weird. They made fun of my clothes and said you were hanging out with me out of pity and you just sat there and laughed James!” Her voice rose with every word. Bits and pieces of that night float around in his head. He can slightly remember the conversation but nothing is clearly showing in his head.

“I'm sorry they said that Y/N but you know that's not true. We both know our relationship, I don't know why you're letting them get to you.”

“They talked about my anxiety. You talked about my anxiety!”

“That's it? That's why you're not talking to me?” He exclaimed throwing his hands in the air.

“You let them sexualize me!” The kitchen filled with an uncomfortable silence. Bucky’s exterior softened.

“What?” His tone was drastically softer than it was earlier.

“You just sat and listened to them as they talked about my body. They talked about my boobs and if youve had sex with me and you said nothing. They said that they would hang with the loser if they could fuck me...How could you let them say that about me?” Y/N whimpered. Her hands cradled her face as she sobbed. Bucky saw the way her chest heaved with each sob, tears forming in his own eyes.

“I didn't know. I wouldn't have let them say those things sober. You have to know that.” He almost fell to his knees pleading for her forgiveness.

“You even said you wouldn't date me. I know its stupid but I thought you liked me back. You told me you loved me. You've taken me out on dates. You've kissed me for goodness sake!”

“I know and I'm sorry. I do like you, I don't know why I said that. I like you so much.” His knees buckled slightly but he held his ground.

“Obviously you dont Bucky. We should just stay away from each other from now on and I won't be renewing my leasing contract at the end of the semester.” She finalizes. Buckys whispers a small no in protest. “You really hurt me, Bucky. I would never let anyone slander you. I respect you too much to allow for someone else to disrespect you.”

With that being said, she gave Bucky one last look over before walking away. Bucky was knocked out of his thoughts at the sound of her door slamming shut and the lock being secured.

Bucky sat on the kitchen floor, the cold tile seeping through his pants to chill his legs. His face adorned with a frown, tears sliding down his warm cheeks. Y/N was his best friend and he ruined it by being a shitty person. He knows he should have defended her, defended their relationship.

Bucky’s rolly chair was his only source of entertainment at his desk in the lobby of the admissions office. Today was a slow day. There were only a few students who came in asking for help finding buildings or looking for the financial aid office. Some high school student came in for tours but his coworkers beat him to doing tours so here he was stuck in the quiet office. He had already stolen a large amount of guest snacks, a cold bottle of tea and a sugar cookie with the school's logo on it.

His chair spinning activities came to a halt when he heard the front door open with a small jingle sounding from it. He took a moment to let the dizziness fade away before he looked up. Bucky felt his breath stop in his throat.

There stood a girl with overalls and a bright colored top. She wore dark green converse, high tops, with frilly socks that peeked from the top. She had large glasses that framed her face perfectly. She was looking around the office, eyes wide with wonder. Her eyes finally met Bucky's, making a large smile appear on her face.

“Hi!” She exclaimed walking up to Bucky’s desk.

“Hey, what can I help you with today?” Bucky asked cooly.

“I just transferred here and I was wondering if you knew where I could apply for on campus jobs?” She placed her hands on top of the counter of Bucky’s desk. He admired her baby blue acrylics that had white flowers on them.

“Oh um, the admissions office is hiring. We do all of the tours for highschool students, or package and mail acceptance letters. Sometimes we plan scholarship events. It's an easy pay type of job. I just sit here and do homework my whole shift.” Bucky answers. “What's your name so I can get my boss to contact you?”

“Y/N Y/L/N.” Bucky quickly scribbled your name on a post it note and stuck it to his laptop as a reminder. “Do you really like this job or are you just trying to pull me in?” She jests with a small smile on her face.

“I mean it's a decent job but im sure with you working here it would make it ten times prettier.” Bucky smirked at the giggle that escaped Y/N. He wasn't normally a flirt but he couldn't help himself with this one.

“Oh really? How many times have you said that line to a girl?” Bucky put a hand to his chest in a fake offense.

“You think too low of me Y/N. I saved that one for the prettiest girl to walk through the door.”

“Hmm, ok. I'll believe it only because my ego needs this boost. Hey, you never told me your name. How am I supposed to write about this encounter in my journal if I don't have your name?”

“My name is James but I prefer if people just call me Bucky. Short for Buchanon, I know it's weird.” Bucky leans back in his chair, arms crossed. He can see her eyes checking out the way his muscles flex underneath his long sleeve shirt. He may have purposefully flexed a little extra for show.

“No, I love it. I dont think ive ever met a Bucky.” She counters. She leans forward, placing her elbows on the counter, her chest pressed against the front of the counter.

“Well I'm glad I'm your first Bucky.” He jokes with a small smile on his face. There was a small moment of silence shared between the two as they just looked at each other. Bucky couldn't help but think about how cute she was as Y/N thought the same thing.

“Oh gosh, I'm probably holding you up from your work.” She snaps out of her little spell rolling her eyes at herself. “I should get going.”

Bucky frowned at the idea of her leave, wanting nothing more than to continue talking to the new girl.

“Right, of course. Maybe I could get your number...so I can notify you about the job.” Bucky proposes. Y/N raises one eyebrow in question, a knowing smile placed on her lips.

“Sure thing bucky.” He hands her a pen and post it for her number. “I wouldn't be opposed to you using this number for things other than work too.” She suggested. She signed her name on the post it note ending it with a small heart.

“I will definitely take you up on that offer. No take backs though when I start sending you random shit.” She giggled, leaning up from her spot. Bucky basked at the sweet sound. He stood up to meet her on the other side of the desk.

“Well Bucky, it was lovely to meet you.” She stuck her hand out for him to shake, he reciprocated the action. Her hands were soft and warm, he thought. She gave him one last smile before walking away.

It was warm outside on the quad as Bucky sat by himself. He sat at the table that would normally be occupied by Y/N and him. Y/N would bring lunch- made by her. Anytime Bucky would try to help her by making lunch she would kick him out of the kitchen. Today, Bucky sat by himself, with no hand made lunch. He had a greasy bag of french fries and a large coke. He planned on eating his sorrows away.

“Hey Bucky!” A voice yelled out to him. Looking up from his fries, Bucky looked towards the sound that broke him out of his fries excursion. Tanner and Logan, his friends from the party, came walking over to him. They both sat down, throwing their lunch onto the table.

“Where's Ms. weirdo?” Tanner asks, mouth full of food. Bucky grimaced at Tanner's manners. He also felt the anger he should have felt on Saturday bloom in his chest.

“She's not weird.” Bucky snapped, fists tightening in his lap. Tanner scoffed, Logan laughing along with him.

“Says you. She is fucking weird. Did you finally get some from her or something? Defending her and shit.” Logan clapped Tanner on his back agreeing with him. “Shit, good for you dude. I would have fucked her a while ago. Probably would have kept her face down so I wouldn't have to see her-”

Before Tanner could finish his sentence, he was thrown from his seat from the powerful punch being landed on his jaw. His feet flew from where he was sitting, landing on his back with a heavy thud.

“Dude what the fuck?” Tanner stood wiping his face from the blood that started to trickle down from his bloody eyebrow. Bucky had never felt anger like this before. His heart was racing, his breathing labored. His cheeks were red and warm, eyebrows turned down.

“No, you don't get to make fun of her and make sexual comments about her.” Bucky snarled. Tanner rolled his eyes, walking closer to Bucky.

“Oh fuck off with that! You didn't defend her this hard on saturday.” Tanner's mistake after his words was shoving Bucky's shoulders back. Bucky reacted quickly by shoving Tanner with even more force.

Tanner threw a punch to Bucky’s jaw, making his head fly back. Bucky tackled Tanner to the ground, throwing punches left and right. Tanner fought back, hands flying landing punches wherever he could land them.

Logan was able to pull Bucky off of Tanner, warning the two that campus police would arrest them if they were caught. Both boys stared at each other fuming. Bucky snatched his trash and his backpack up, the scowl never leaving his face.

“If I ever see you looking or talking to Y/N, I will bash your face in.” Bucky growled.

Y/N felt better today. She found the strength to wear a cute outfit versus the oversized clothes she had been wearing prior out of fear. She didn't want anyone to look at her in any harmful way. She wanted to wear her cute outfits that were sometimes form fitting and short. She liked to wear her cute period pieces that had her own twist on them. She spent many years hating her body and the way she looked. She deserved to feel cute without thinking she is at fault for being sexualized and poorly treated.

She whipped out one of her favorite outfits today, loving the way it fit on her body making her feel confident. Sitting at the front desk of the admissions office, her feet propped up on the desk. Her shift was going by slowly, no one needing assistance this late in the day.

The door burst open making Y/N jump from her seat. She stood up shocked to see Bucky walk in with a huff. He wasn't supposed to work today but here he was. Y/N gasped looking at his cut lip and bruising eye.

“Bucky, what happened?” She maneuvered her way around the desk to stand in front of the beat up boy. She placed both of her hands on his cheeks to examine his injuries. He moved his face away from her tears brimming his eyes.

“I'm sorry Y/N. I'm really sorry. I should have protected you from them. I should've told them not to speak about you that way. You are more than some eye candy for men to act disgusting towards. You are beautiful and eclectic. You have a brilliant mind that shines brighter than anyone elses on this campus.” He spoke to her softly.

“I don't understand Bucky. What made you have this change of heart? You didn't give two shits about me last weekend.” She crossed her arms defensively.

“I know and I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe it was the alcohol but that's no excuse. I love you. I love all of you. You're not weird. You're your own person and I love everything about you. You do so much for me and I feel like shit for not doing the bare minimum for you.” His words stunned her.

“You love me?”

“God, with everything I have. Since the day you walked in here with those overalls. I've spent the past four years loving you.” Bucky whispered. He grabbed her hand, thumb rubbing over her knuckles.

“I love you too, Bucky. I really do and I'm hurt. I don't think the hurt will go away for some time. You let them speak horribly about me. If you loved me like I was your girl, you would have defended me.” She spoke sorrowfully.

“I know, I know. I can't change the fact that I did nothing but I can tell you that I'm sorry. I'm always going to protect you. I did today. Tanner may be sporting a nasty goose egg on his eye because of his dumbass words.” Y/N giggled softly, touching his bruising knuckles.

“Thank you, Bucky.”

“I want to go back to normal. I miss you in the mornings and-and during our lunch breaks outside. I miss you.” Bucky stated.

“I miss you too.”

Bucky watched her eyes drop down to his lip, busted and all. He leaned forward slightly hoping she would meet him in the middle. She met him the rest of the way pressing her lips to his. Bucky relished this moment. He relished to be even sharing moments with the girl he's been in love with since the second he saw her.

“I'm gonna be better, I promise.”

#metalbuck's 2k writing challenge #college!bucky #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky angst #bucky x y/n #james buchanan barnes

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