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itonje · 3 years

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people of color in arthurian legend masterpost

hi! some people said it would be cool if i did this, and this is something i find interesting so. yeah! are you interested in king arthur and the knights of the round table? do you like to read about characters of color, especially in older lit? well, i hope this can be a good resource for people to get into stuff like that, especially poc/ethnic minorities who might feel uncomfortable or lonely getting into older media like arthuriana. this post is friendly to both those who prefer medieval lit and those who prefer modern stuff!

disclaimers: i am not a medievalist nor a race theorist! very much not so. i am just a 17 year old asian creature on the internet who wants to have an easy-to-reference post, if i’m not comprehensive enough please inform me. i’m going to stay closely to the matter of britain, as well, not all medieval european literature as a. this is what i’m more familiar with and b. there’s so much content and information and context to go along with it that it would really be impossible to put it all into one tumblr post. (however there’s always going to be overlap!) also, please do not treat me or any other person of color/ethnic minority as a singular all-knowing authority on anything! we’re all trying to have fun here and being made into an information machine on things, especially what is and isn’t offensive isn’t fun. with that out of the way, let’s get into it! (under cut for length!)

part i: some historical context (tw for racism and antisemitism discussion)

fair warning, i’m going to start off with some discussions of more heavier history before we talk about more fun stuff. while pre colonial racism was far more different than how it is today, there still...was racism. and it’s important to understand the social mien around nonwhite people in europe at the time these works were written.

to understand how marginalized ethnicities were written in medieval european literature, you have to understand the fact that religion, specifically catholicism, was a very important part of medieval european life. already, catholicism has violent tenets (ie, conversion as an inherent part of the church, as well as many antisemitic theologies and beliefs), but this violence worsened when an event known as the crusades happened.

the crusades were a series of religious wars started by the catholic church to ‘reclaim’ the holy land from islamic rule and to aid the byzantine empire. while i won’t go into the full history of the crusades, (some basic info here and here and here) its important to understand that they had strengthened the european view of the ’pagan’ (ie: not european christian) world as an ‘other’, a threat to christiandom that needed to be conquered and converted, for the spiritual benefit of both the convertee and the converter. these ideas of ethnoreligious superiority and conversion would permeate into the literature of the time written by european christians.

even today, the crusades are very much associated with white supremacy and modern islamophobic sentiment, with words such as ‘deus vult’ as a dogwhistle, and worship of and willingness to emulate the violence the crusaders used against the inhabitants of the holy land in tradcath spaces, so this isn’t stuff that’s all dead and in the past. crusader propaganda and the ignorance on the violence of the catholic church and the crusaders on muslim and jewish populations (as well as nonwhite christians ofc) is very harmful. arthuriana itself has a lot of links to white supremacy too-thanks to @/to-many-towered-camelot for this informative post. none of this stuff exists in a bubble.

here’s a book on catholic antisemitism, here’s a book on orientalism, here’s a book about racism in history that touches on the crusades. (to any catholic, i highly reccommend you read the first.)

with that out of the way, we can talk about the various not european groups that typically show up in arthurian literature and some historical background irt to that. the terms ‘moor’ and ‘saracen’ will typically pop up. both terms are exonyms and are very, very broad, eventually used as both a general term for muslims and as a general term for african and (western + central) asian people. they’re very vague, but when you encounter them the typical understanding you’re supposed to take away is ‘(western asian/african) foreigner’ and typically muslim/not christian as well. t

generally, african and asian lands will typically be referred to as pagan or ‘eastern/foreign’ lands, with little regard for understanding the actual religions of that area. they will also typically refer to saracens as pagans although islam is not a pagan religion. this is just a bit of a disclaimer. the term saracen itself is considered to be rather offensive-thank you to @/lesbianlanval for sending me a paper on this subject.

while i typically refer to the content on this post as having to pertain to african and asian people (ie, not european) european jewish arthurian traditions are included on this post too. but, i know more about poc and they’ll feature more prominently in this post because of that, lol.

part ii: so, are there any medieval texts involving characters of color?

i’m glad you asked! of course there are! to be clear, european medieval authors were very much aware that people of color and african + asian nations existed, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. even the vita merlini mentions sri lanka and a set of islands that might (?) be the philippines!! for the sake of brevity though, on this list i’m not going to list every single one of these small and frequent references, so i’m just going to focus on texts that primarily (or notably) feature characters of color.

first of all, it’s important to know was the influence of cultures of color and marginalized ethnicities that helped shape arthurian legend. the cultural exchange between europe and the islamic world during the crusades, as well as the long history of arab presence in southern europe, led to the influence of arabic love poetry and concepts of love on european literature, helping to form what we consider the archetypal romance. there are also arthurian traditions in hebrew, and yiddish too, adding new cultural ideas and introducing new story elements to their literature-all of these are just as crucial to the matter of britain as any other traditions!

when it comes to nonwhite presence in the works themselves, many knights of color in arthurian legend tend to be characters that, after defeated by a knight of arthur’s court join the court themselves. though some are side characters, there are others with their own romances and stories devoted to them! many of them are portrayed as capable + good as, if not better than their counterparts. (this, however, usually only comes through conversion to christianity if the knight is not christian...yeah.) though groups of color as a general monolith created by european christians tended to be orientalized in literature (see: mystical and strange ~eastern~ lands), many individual knights were written to be seen by their medieval audience as positive heroes. i’m going to try to stick to mostly individual character portrayals such as these.

with that all said though, these characters can still be taken as offensive (i would consider most to be) in their writing, so take everything with a grain of salt here. i will also include links to as many english translations of texts as i can, as well as note which ones i think are beginner friendly to those on the fence about medieval literature!

he shows up in too many texts so let’s make this into two bullet notes and start with one of, if not the most ubiquitous knight of color of the round table (at least in medieval lit),-palamedes! palamedes/palomides is a ‘’saracen knight’’ who (typically) hails from babylon or palestine and shows up in a good amount of texts. his first appearance is in the prose tristan, and he plays a major role there as a knight who fights with tristan for the hand of iseult-while he uh. loses, him and tristan later become companions + friends with a rivalry, and palamedes later goes off to hunt the questing beast, a re-occurring trend in his story.

palamedes even got his own romance named after him (which was very popular!) and details the adventures of the fathers of the knights of the round table, pre arthur, as well as later parts of the story detailing the adventures of their sons. it was included in rustichello da pisa’s compilation of arthurian romances, which i unfortunately have not seen floating around online (or...anywhere), so i can’t attest to the quality of it or anything. he appears in le morte darthur as well, slaying the questing beast but only after his conversion to christianity (...yeah.) in the texts in which he appears, palamedes is considered to be one of the top knights of the round table, alongside tristan and lancelot, fully living up to chivalric and courtly ideals and then some. i love him dearly and i’ve read the prose tristan five times just for him. (also the prose tristan in general is good, please give it a try, especially if you’re a romance fan.)

speaking of le morte d’arthur, an egyptian knight named priamus shows up in the lucius v arthur episode on lucius’ side first, later joining arthur’s after some interactions with gawaine. palamedes has brothers here as well-safir and segwarides. safir was relatively popular, and shows up in many medieval texts, mostly alongside his older brother. i wouldn’t recommend reading le morte of all things for the characters of color though-if you really want to see what it’s all about, just skip to the parts they’re mentioned with ctrl + f, haha.

the romance of moriaen is a 12th century dutch romance from the lancelot compilation, named for its main character morien. morien, who is a black moor, is the son of sir aglovale, the brother of perceval. whilst gawaine and lancelot are searching for said perceval, they encounter morien, who is in turn searching for aglovale as he had abandoned morien’s mother way back when. i wholeheartedly recommend this text for people who might feel uncomfy with medieval lit. though the translation i’ve linked can be a bit tricky, the story is short, sweet, and easy to follow, and morien and his relationships (esp with gariet, gawaine’s brother) are all wonderful.

king artus (original hebrew text here) is a northern italian jewish arthurian text written in hebrew- it retells a bit of the typical conception of arthur story, as well as some parts from the death of arthur as well. i really can’t recommend this text enough-it’s quite short, with an easy-to-read english translation, going over episodes that are pretty familiar to any average reader while adding a lot of fun details and it’s VERY interesting to me from a cultural standpoint. i find the way how they adapt the holy grail (one of the most archetypal christian motifs ever) in particular pretty amazing. this is also a very beginner friendly text!

wolfram von eschenbach’s parzival (link to volume 1 and volume 2-this translation rhymes!) is a medieval high german romance from the early 13th century, based off de troyes’ le conte du graal while greatly expanding on the original story. it concerns parzival and his quest for the grail (with a rather unique take on it-he fails at first!), and also takes like one million detours to talk about gawaine as all arthurian lit does. the prominent character of color here is a noble mixed race knight called feirefiz, parzival’s half brother by his father, who after dueling with parzival, and figures out their familial connection, joins him on his grail quest. he eventually converts to christianity (..yeah.) to see the grail and all ends happily for him. however, this text is notable to me as it contains two named women of color-belacane, feirefiz’s black african mother, and secundilla, feirefiz’s indian wife. though unfortunately, both are pretty screwed over by the text and their respective husbands. though parzival is maybe my favorite medieval text i’ve read so far i don’t necessarily know if i’d recommend this one, because it is long, and can be confusing at times. however, i do think that when it comes to the portrayal of people of color, while quite poor by today’s standards, von eschenbach was trying his best?-of course, in reason for. a 13th century medival german christian but he treats them with respect and all these characters are actually characters. if you’re really interested in grail stories (and are aware of the more uncomfortably christian aspects of the grail story), and you like gawaine and perceval, i’d say go for it.

in the turk and sir gawain, an english poem from the early 16th century, gawaine and the titular turkish man play a game of tennis ball. i’m shitting you not. this text is pretty short, funnily absurd, and with most of the hallmarks of a typical quest (various challenges culminating in some castle being freed), so it’s an easier read. it’s unclear to me, but at the end of the story the turkish man turns into sir gromer, a noble knight, who may or may not be white which uh. consider my ‘....yeah’ typical at this point, but i don’t personally read it that way for my own sanity. also he throws the sultan (??) of the isle of man (????) into a cauldron for not being a christian so when it comes to respectful representation of poc this one doesn’t make it, but it does make this list.

the revenge of ragisel, or at least the version i’ve read (the eng translation of the dutch version from the lancelot compilation), die wrake van ragisel, starts off being about the mysterious murder of a knight, but eventually, as most stories do, becomes a varying series of adventures about gawaine and co. one of gawaine’s friends (see: a knight who he combated with for a hot sec and then became friends and allies with, as you do) is a black knight named maurus! he’s not really an mc, but he features prominently and he’s pretty entertaining, as all the characters in this are. i also recommend this highly, i was laughing the whole time reading it! it’s not too long and pretty wild, you’ll have a good romp. this is a good starter text for anyone in general!

i’ve not read the roman van walewein, which, as it says on the tin, is a 12th century dutch romance concerning some deeds of gawaine (if only gawaine was a canon poc, i wouldn’t need to make this list because he’s so popular...). i’m putting it on the list for in this, gawaine goes to the far eastern land of endi (india) and romances a princess named ysabele. i can’t speak to ysabele’s character or the respectfulness of her kingdom or representation, but i know she’s a major character and her story ends pretty well, so that’s encouraging. women of color, especially fleshed out woc, are pretty rare in arthurian lit. i’ve also heard the story itself is pretty wild, and includes a fox, which sounds pretty exciting to me!

now the next two things i’m going to mention aren’t really? texts that feature characters of color or jewish characters, but are rather more notable for being translations of existing texts into certain languages. wigalois is a german 13th century romances featuring the titular character (the son of, you guessed it, gawaine!) and his deeds. the second, jaufre, is the only arthurian romance written in occitan, and is a quite long work about the adventures of the knight jaufre, based on the knight griflet. what’s notable about these two works is that wigalois has a yiddish translation, and jaufre has a tagalog translation. wigalois’ yiddish translation in particular changed the original german text into something more fitting of the arthurian romance format as well as adding elements to make it more appealing for a jewish audience. the tagalog translation of jaufre on the other hand was not medieval, only coming about in 1900, but the philippines has had a long history of romantic tradition and verse writing, so i’m curious to see if it too adds or changes elements when it comes to the arthurian story, but i can’t find a lot on the tagalog version of jaufre unfortunately-i hope i can eventually!

this list of texts is also non-exhaustive! i’m just listing a couple of notoriety, and some to start with.

part iii: papers and academic analysis

so here’s just a dump of various papers i’ve read and collected on topics such as these-this is an inexhaustive and non-comprehensive list! if you have any papers you think are good and would like to be added here, shoot me an ask. i’ll try to include a link when i can, but if it’s unavailable to you just message me. * starred are the ones i really think people, especially white people, should at least try to read.

Swank, Kris. ‘Black in Camelot: Race and Ethnicity in Arthurian Legend’ *

Harrill, Claire. ‘Saracens and racial Otherness in Middle English * Romance’

Keita, Maghan. ‘Saracens and Black Knights’

Hoffman, Donald L. ‘Assimilating Saracens: The Aliens in Malory's ‘Morte Darthur’

Goodrich, Peter H. ‘Saracens and Islamic Alterity in Malory's ‘Le Morte Darthur’

Schultz, Annie. ‘Forbidden Love: The Arabic Influence on the Courtly Love Poetry of Medieval Europe’ *

Hardman, Philipa. ‘Dear Enemies: the Motif of the Converted Saracen and Sir Gawain and the Green Knight’

Knowles, Annie. ‘Encounters of the Arabian Kind: Cultural Exchange and Identity the Tristans of Medieval France, England, and Spain’ *

Hermes, Nizar F. ‘King Arthur in the Lands of the Saracens’ *

Ayed, Wajih. ‘Somatic Figurations of the Saracen in Sir Thomas Malory’s Le Morte Darthur’

Herde, Christopher M. ‘A new fantasy of crusade: Sarras in the vulgate cycle.’ *

Rovang, Paul R. ‘Hebraizing Arthurian Romance: The Originality of ‘Melech Artus.’’

Rajabzdeh, Shokoofeh. ‘The Depoliticized Saracen and Muslim erasure’ *

Holbrook, Sue Ellen. ‘To the Well: Malory's Sir Palomides on Ideals of Chivalric Reputation, Male Friendship, Romantic Love, Religious Conversion—and Loyalty.’ *

Lumbley, Coral. ‘Geoffrey of Monmouth and Race’ *

Oehme, Annegret. ‘Adapting Arthur. The Transformations and Adaptations of Wirnt von Grafenberg’s Wigalois’ *

Hendrix, Erik. ‘An Unlikely Hero: The Romance of Moriaen and Racial Discursivity in the Middle Ages’ *

Darrup, Cathy C. ‘Gender, Skin Color, and the Power of Place in the Medieval Dutch Romance of Moriaen’ *

Armstrong, Dorsey. ‘Postcolonial Palomides: Malory's Saracen Knight and the Unmaking of Arthurian Community’ (note this is the only one i can’t access in its entirety)

part iv: supplemental material

here’s some other stuff i find useful to getting to know knights of color in arthurian legend, especially if papers/academic stuff/medieval literature is daunting! i’d really recommend you go through all of these if you can’t go through anything else-most are quick reads.

a magazine article on knights of color here, and this article about the yiddish translation of wigalois.

this video about characters of color in arthurian legend!

the performance of the translation of arabic in Libro del Caballero Zifar, and how it pertains to the matter of britain

a post by yours truly about women of color in parzival

this info sheet about palamedes, and this info sheet about ysabele-thanks to @/pendraegon and @/reynier for letting me use these!

this page on palamedes as well

this post with various resources on race and ethnicity in arthuriana-another thank you to @/reynier!

part v: how about modern day stories and adaptations?

there’s a lot of em out there! i’m not as familiar with modern stuff, but i will try to recommend medias i know where characters of color (including racebends!) are prominent. since i haven’t read/watched all (or truly most) of these, i can’t really speak on the quality of the representation though, so that’s your warning.

first of all, when it comes to the victorian arthurian revival, i know that william morris really liked palamedes! (don’t we all.) he features frequently in morris’ arthurian poetry, (in this beautiful book, he primarily features in ‘sir galahad, a christmas mystery’ and ‘king arthur’s tomb’. he has his own poem by morris here.)

and some other poems about palamedes, which i’d all recommend.

for movies, i know a knight in camelot (1998) stars whoopi goldberg as an original character, the green knight (2021) will star dev patel as gawaine.

some shows include camelot high, bbc merlin, disney’s once upon a time, and netflix’s cursed, all featuring both original characters of color and people of color cast as known arthurian figures.

for any music people, in ‘high noon over camelot’, an album by the mechanisms, mordred is played by ashes o’reilley, who in turn is performed by frank voss, and arthur is played by marius von raum who is perfomed by kofi young.

i’ve also heard the pendragon and the squire’s tales have palamedes as a relevant character if you’re looking for novels, as well as legendborn and the forgotten knight: a chinese warrior in king arthur’s court starring original protagonists of color!

part vi: going on from here

so, you’ve read some medieval lit, read some papers, watched some shows, and done all that. what now? well, there’s still so much out there!

if you have fanfiction, analysis, metaposts, fun content etc etc about arthurian poc, feel free to plug your content on this post! i’d be happy to boost it.

in general, if you’re a person of color or a jewish person and you’re into arthurian legend, feel free to promote your blog on this post as well! i would love to know more people active on arthurian tumblr who are nonwhite.

this is really just me asking for extra content, especially content made by poc, but that’s okay! arthurian legend is a living, breathing set of canons and i would love love love to see more fresh diversity within them right alongside the older stuff.

a very gracious thank you to the tumblr users whom i linked posts to on here, and thanks to y’all for saying you want to see this! i hope this post helped people learn some new things!

#finny.txt #arthuriana #arthurian legend #matter of britain #medieval romance #arthurian literature #arthurian mythology #<- :/#but necessary #also ITS DONE ITS DONE ITS FINALLY DONE #PLEASEREBLOG THIS WRHSFSHDFDHSFSDF #2K PLUS WORDS..

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bumackerman · 3 years

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DEAR ADULT READERS/CREATORS,

18+ (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT)

^ see that? there is absolutely no way you missed that disclaimer if you understand the proper way to read english. but, let’s say you did miss it... here’s this message;

if you are under the age of 18, do not interact with 18+ adult accounts, or content.

there. hopefully you got the memo. if not, then i guess, one day, you’ll have the great opportunity to be featured in this brand new series of exposing, purging, and reporting minors! i mean... yay you?

disclaimer!; do not send any unnecessary hate to any of these people! it does not solve anything, and it could get you in trouble. just report, and block. thanks.

featured today, we have (drumroll please)... @/matching-with-my-demons!

warning: this post is very long!

alright, so i don’t actually know for sure if he’s necessarily a minor, but i do know that he’s been lying his age, and many, many other details about his life, leading to him getting caught by yours truly.

from this point forward, i will be reciting a briefed account of what exactly happened from a collective point of view of all of the victims involved.

I. beginning.

so, (and i think all of the people involved can agree,) this person is a flirt. automatically. just giving everyone pet names, talking about doing stuff with us, role playing with us, you know. nothing too extreme. i wasn’t suspicious of him at this point. i mean, i was sure he was 18+. to be fair, he did mention that he was 21 turning 22. why wouldn’t we believe him? he was speaking like an adult.

II. little lies & suspicion.

now, i’m not saying that this is impossible, but at multiple times during our conversations, he’d mentioned that he was was fluent in seven languages. seven. it’s not entirely impossible, but you’d think that if english wasn’t someone’s first (of many) languages, they’d have some sort of accent, right?

not only that, but he stated that he was six years old when he moved to america from japan, and he hasn’t moved since. i know, i know, yeah, cool he knows a lot of languages, and he’s a foreigner. yadda, yadda. get to the point.

he said that he was of asian descent, and that his parents were both japanese, and they lived in japan their whole lives. where the hell is he learning all of these extra languages at the young age of 21?

if japanese is his first language, we can cut out the time needed to become fluent in it. next, i’m ignoring english, as he would’ve had from the age of 6 to 21 to become fluent in it, but somehow he claimed he wasn’t? (let’s not mention the obvious fake misspellings and misunderstandings of simple words.) how on earth would he have become fluent in (at least) five other languages in middle school-high school?

OTHER LITTLE LIES N DETAILS

- he claimed that he was a 6’7, 21 year old (cis) male.

- said he was a stripper, bartender, and a sex worker (we’ll come back to that later).

- sent a picture of “his” chest, but it was 100% from google or some shit.

- (not judging anyone who does) he said that his body count was 74, but literally no one asked?

- he texted us when he “got another body” tf? we don’t care. carry on, i guess. (said he went on for like 7 rounds but... what?)

- talked about getting a vibrator stuck in his ass n his roommate had to get it out for him, but once again, nobody asked. °-°

- said he could bench 200 lbs. not impressive, just thought it was worth mentioning.

- said he had the same birthday as bakugou, which, okay.. (4/20)

- he made multiple channels in the server where he could roleplay with certain people, which, i, and a couple other people never used.

III. the voice chat.

after a while of all of us messing around, the conversation started to get heated, and some of us were teasing him, including me. we decided to get on voice chat (his idea), and he started talking into the mic. all of us were very confused, as he did not at all sound like a giant of a grown man.

but, despite this, we all warily continued, until he left the call. when he left, everyone who was participating voiced their current concerns, and laughed out our nervousness. that is, until he re-joined and everyone muted. he continued doing what he was doing until he “broke character”, stating he was a voice actor and it was hard to keep up that voice because it hurt his throat. i would’ve believed him if he didn’t sound the exact same as he did when he was “in character”.

after that, we were a lot more concerned and on edge about his identity, and i started to focus more on the shit he was telling us, hoping to find out who the fuck this person really was. i stopped interacting with him in a nsfw way, and mostly observed what he was saying, just watching from the sidelines.

II. the pictures.

captions:

not only do the skin colors just not match up, the hands in each picture are totally different people. even if you take into account the lighting differences, the undertones should still be the same. these pictures are fake.

if you look at the fingers, you can see that the ones on the right are flatter, and shorter. if the hand on the left were to hold that phone, it would wrap all the way around the device.

from a common sense standpoint, we know that our palms are always lighter than our skin tone. the fact that the hand on the left is still darker, proves that these are different people. (not that we needed proof.)

also, if this guy is so muscular, why can he only bench 200lbs? and why is his wrist so skinny?

+ to me, the phone, (right image) and the quality of the picture, looks like a black iphone 4s. from what i can see, at least. meaning, if i’m correct, that picture is majorly outdated.

for both pictures, he flipped the image so that we wouldn’t be able to find it by just by reverse image searching. luckily, one of the people involved was able to figure that out, and told me immediately.

III. ID check.

like i said before, a lot of us were starting to get really suspicious, but at this point, i thought i was the only one that was sketched out, so i issued another ID check.

(be sure to click on the pictures. one of them is really long. also, when reading, read the date and times that messages are sent. i was trying to lighten the mood and be nice, but it was honestly so offensive that he thought i was legitimately dumb.)

so, obviously, these ID’s are fake. not only are the pictures the exact same, but the backgrounds are the same, the outfits are the same, the names are totally fake, and just, wow. i don’t really know how he thought that was gonna slip past me.

after i called both him, and @/yourmajesty-theking out, he went into his own discord and started ranting to some of the other people involved that he was freaking out because he didn’t have his ID.

remember how i said that he mentioned he was a stripper/bartender/sex worker? why the fuck don’t you have your ID on you if you claimed you were at work that day? you can’t get in without it. °-° just- everything he was saying didn’t come together cleanly. the timeline is all sorts of fucked up.

you can’t drive without an ID, how are you getting to work? you can’t get into a strip club without an ID, how are you getting in? you can’t serve alcohol without and ID, how are you a bartender? you can’t get an apartment without an ID, how are you living with a roommate?

he told us that he moved to america with his PARENTS, and somehow his grandmother is in america now? when did that happen? if you’re gonna lie, at least make it believable.

IV. conclusion.

anyway, do what you want with this information. the people in the discord all agreed that based off his voice and the evidence, that he couldn’t have been older than 15, and at most, 16.

though he hasn’t deactivated his account, the last time he was active was april 7, 2021 at 12:39am (EST) he claims he lives in cali, so i don’t know what time that is there.

thanks for reading. i’m sure i missed a lot of stuff, but for now, this is all i could put together. also, lmk if there are any spelling errors. i’m too tired to check.

like i said, if i get any hate for calling out a minor, you will be blocked/reported, and i will not hesitate to turn anons off for the time being. besides, saying dumb shit doesn’t affect me. just makes me laugh.

- bum <3

#18+ (mdni)#🍓. bum’s purge ࿐

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gffa · 4 years

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OKAY, IF I’M GONNA DO THIS, I’M GONNA DO IT PROPERLY. WHICH MEANS YEAH IT’S GONNA GET REALLY LONG. A couple of things to say ahead of time: Lucasfilm’s Story Group has always said CANON > WORD OF GOD when it comes to these matters, so when I quote canon examples from supplementary materials that contradict what he says, that’s LF’s official position, but that doesn’t mean that an influential person like Dave’s views couldn’t affect how things will be shaped in the future, like Deborah Chow listening to this may be influenced by it on the Obi-Wan show, despite that Master & Apprentice contradicts him. It’s an incredibly murky area! Mileages are going to vary. Another thing to keep in mind is that Dave Filoni never worked on The Phantom Menace, that was long, long before his time at Lucasfilm (which I think he joined sometime around 2007? and TPM was released in 1999), that he has worked with George more than probably anyone else, but we cannot and should not treat him as infallible or the True Authority on things, because even Dave himself has said things like: “I mean, I know why I did that and what it means, but I don't like to explain too much. I love for the viewers to watch stuff and come up with their own theories -- and they frankly come up with better things that I intended.” --Dave Filoni, Entertainment Tonight 2020 interview Or, in the same episode as the above Qui-Gon interpretation:

So, when I dig into this, I’m not doing this out of a sense of malice or even that I suddenly hate Dave or don’t appreciate all the incredible things he’s brought to SW, but in that I disagree with his take, Dave understands that he doesn’t always get it right, that he enjoys that fans come up with different things than he does and sometimes he likes those even more. There’s room for both of us and, for all that Dave mentions George a lot (and, hey, fair enough, the guy worked with George and I’m just quoting what George Lucas has said) doesn’t mean that this is straight from George, especially because I have never seen George Lucas utter so much as a peep about how the Jedi were responsible for Anakin’s fall. He has explicitly and frequently talked about how Anakin’s fall was his own choice, as well as I’ve never seen him say anything Jedi-critical beyond “they were kind of arrogant about themselves”. I have read and watched every George Lucas interview I could get my hands on and maybe I’m still missing something, but that’s literally the extent of him criticizing the Jedi I have EVER seen. (It’s from the commentary on AOTC where he put in the scene with Jocasta to show they were full of themselves, but I also think it’s fair to point out that Obi-Wan immediately contradicts this by going to Dex for help, showing that it’s not necessarily a Jedi-wide thing.) Before I go further, I want to say: this is not a post meant to tear down Qui-Gon, he is a character I actually really do love, but the focus is on showing why the above interpretation of him is wrong, which means focusing on Qui-Gon’s flaws. He has many wonderful qualities, he is someone who cared deeply and was a good person, I think things would have been better had he lived! But Anakin’s choices did not hinge on him, because Anakin’s choices were Anakin’s, that has always been the consistent theme of how George talks about him, the way he talks about the story is always in terms of “Anakin did this” or “Anakin chose that”, and the Jedi are very consistently shown as caring, they believed very much in love and Dave’s own show (well, I say “his own show”, but honestly TCW was George’s baby primarily and he had a lot of direct, hands-on say in crafting it, through at least the first five seasons) is plenty of evidence of that. I’m not going to quote the full thing because this is already a monster post, I’m just going to focus on the Jedi stuff, because I like the other points a lot, but if you want the full text, it’s here. The relevant part is: “In Phantom Menace, you’re watching these two Jedi in their prime fight this evil villain. Maul couldn’t be more obviously the villain. He’s designed to look evil, and he is evil, and he just expresses that from his face all the way out to the type of lightsaber he fights with. What’s at stake is really how Anakin is going to turn out. Because Qui-Gon is different than the rest of the Jedi and you get that in the movie; and Qui-Gon is fighting because he knows he’s the father that Anakin needs. Because Qui-Gon hasn’t given up on the fact that the Jedi are supposed to actually care and love and that’s not a bad thing. The rest of the Jedi are so detached and they become so political that they’ve really lost their way and Yoda starts to see that in the second film. But Qui-Gon is ahead of them all and that’s why he’s not part of the council. So he’s fighting for Anakin and that’s why it’s the ‘Duel of the Fates’ – it’s the fate of this child. And depending on how this fight goes, Anakin, his life is going to be dramatically different. “So Qui-Gon loses, of course. So the father figure, he knew what it meant to take this kid away from his mother when he had an attachment, and he’s left with Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan trains Anakin at first out of a promise he makes to Qui-Gon, not because he cares about him. When they get Anakin, they find him on Tatooine, he says “Why do I feel like we’ve found another useless lifeform?” He’s comparing Anakin to Jar Jar and he’s saying “this is a waste of our time, why are we doing this, why do you see importance in these creatures like Jar Jar Binks and this ten-year-old boy? This is useless.” “So, he’s a brother to Anakin eventually but he’s not a father figure. That’s a failing for Anakin. He doesn’t have the family that he needs. He loses his mother in the next film. He fails on this promise that he made, “mother, I’m going to come back and save you”. So he’s left completely vulnerable and Star Wars is ultimately about family. So that moment in that movie which a lot of people I think diminish, “oh there’s a cool lightsaber fight”, but it’s everything that the entire three films of the prequels hangs on, is that one particular fight. And Maul serves his purpose and at that point died before George made me bring him back, but he died.“ --Dave Filoni I’m going to take this a piece at a time to show why I really disagree with the content of both the movies and The Clone Wars supporting what Dave says and, instead, contradicts it a lot. The rest of the Jedi are so detached and they become so political that they’ve really lost their way and Yoda starts to see that in the second film. He doesn’t explain what this means, but I’m pretty sure that he’s referring to this conversation: OBI-WAN: “I am concerned for my Padawan. He is not ready to be given this assignment on his own yet.” YODA: “The Council is confident in its decision, Obi-Wan.” MACE WINDU: “The boy has exceptional skills.” OBI-WAN: “But he still has much to learn, Master. His abilities have made him... well.... arrogant.” YODA: “Yes, yes. A flaw more and more common among Jedi. Hmm... too sure of themselves they are. Even the older, more experienced ones.” MACE WINDU: “Remember, Obi-Wan, if the prophecy is true, your apprentice is the only one who can bring the Force back into balance.” OBI-WAN: "If he follows the right path.” None of that has anything to do with being “detached” and, further, I think this is something that’s come up with Dave’s view of Luminara a lot, because he’s described her (re: the Geonosis arc): “We were trying to illustrate the difference between the way Anakin is raising his Padawan, and how much he cares about her, and the way Luminara raises her Padawan. Not that Luminara is indifferent, but that Luminara is detached. It’s not that she doesn’t care, but she’s not attached to her emotionally.” Here, he says that the Jedi care, in the above, he says that the Jedi don’t care, which makes me think there’s a lot of characterization drift as time goes on, especially when fandom bombards everyone with the idea that the Jedi were cold, emotionless, and didn’t care. However, look at Luminara’s face in that arc, when she’s talking with Anakin:

That is not the face of someone who doesn’t care. She even smiles brightly in relief when Barriss is shown to be okay, that this really doesn’t convey “detached” in an unloving or uncaring way. (We’ll get to attachment later, that’s definitely coming.) (I’m also mostly skipping the political thing, because I think that’s just a fundamental disagreement of whether Jedi should or should not lean into politics. My view basically boils down to that I think ALL OF US should be leaning more into politics because we are citizens who live in the world and are responsible for it, and the Jedi are no different. This is evidenced by: - M&A’s storyline has Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan saving the day specifically because they play politics, that’s how they manage to free the slaves, through playing politics and being part of the Republic/having Senate backing. - The Clone Wars has shown that the Jedi believe “lasting change can only come from within” and “it’s every citizen’s duty to hold their leaders accountable” when Ahsoka teaches the cadets on Mandalore, as well as that politics are not inherently bad, given that Padme and Bail are working to make the system better or “create lasting change from within [the system]” - "Trying to serve the greater good does not always make you popular” says Padme Amidala in a very caring speech - Star Wars Propaganda makes the case that the Jedi might have won the war had they leaned more into politics. - Sometimes the Jedi get unfairly accused of playing politics when there’s just no good choice and they still have to choose one or the other.) But Qui-Gon is ahead of them [re: caring and loving] all and that’s why he’s not part of the council. This is flat-out wrong in regards to canon. Mileages are going to vary, of course, on how much one takes a novel into consideration, but Dave Filoni is not a fan with the luxury of deciding what is or isn’t canon, he works on Star Wars where canon is canon. Now, does that mean canon will never contradict itself, especially if Dave gets to write something for Qui-Gon? Of course not, SW isn’t immune to continuity errors and they themselves have never said otherwise, even when fans want to hold them to that standard. However, this is still pretty much a big “that’s not what happened” instance. In Master & Apprentice, the Jedi Council offer a seat to Qui-Gon on the Council, specifically BECAUSE he has different opinions from them and they welcome that. (Excerpt here.) “We hope it will also be our gain,” Mace replied. “Qui-Gon Jinn, we hereby offer you a seat on the Jedi Council.” Had he misheard? No, he hadn’t. Qui-Gon slowly gazed around the circle, taking in the expressions of each Council member in turn. Some of them looked amused, others pleased. A few of them, Yoda included, appeared more rueful than not. But they were serious. “I admit—you’ve surprised me,” Qui-Gon finally said.“I imagine so,” Mace said drily. “A few years ago, we would’ve been astonished to learn we would ever consider this. But in the time since, we’ve all changed. We’ve grown. Which means the possibilities have changed as well.” Qui-Gon took a moment to collect himself. Without any warning, one of the turning points of his life had arrived. Everything he said and did in the next days would be of great consequence. “You’ve argued with my methods often as not, or perhaps you’d say I’ve argued with yours.” “Truth, this is,” Yoda said. Depa Billaba gave Yoda a look Qui-Gon couldn’t interpret. “It’s also true that the Jedi Council needs more perspectives.” Ultimately, Qui-Gon is the who turns them down and gives up a chance to shape the Jedi Council because he doesn’t like the shape they’re taking. That he does become less political, but this is after he’s argued that the Jedi should be working to push the Senate harder, so when he has a chance to help with that, he turns it down. It has nothing to do with caring and loving, it’s about Qui-Gon’s desire to not have to deal with the work himself, when he wants to be more of a hippie Jedi. (I’ve written a lot about Qui-Gon in M&A, why I actually think it’s really spot-on to someone who can be both really kind and really kind of a dick, but it’s not the most flattering portrayal, even if narrative intention likely didn’t mean what came across to me. I think this post and this post are probably the most salient ones, but if you want something of an index of the web that’s being woven with all the various media, this one is good, too.) So he’s fighting for Anakin and that’s why it’s the ‘Duel of the Fates’ – it’s the fate of this child. And depending on how this fight goes, Anakin, his life is going to be dramatically different. I have only ever seen George Lucas talk about Anakin’s fate in one instance and it’s this: “It’s fear of losing somebody he loves, which is the flipside of greed. Greed, in terms of the Emperor, it’s the greed for power, absolute power, over everything. With Anakin, really it’s the power to save the one he loves, but it’s basically going against the Fates and what is natural.“ –George Lucas, Revenge of the Sith commentary I’ve made my case about why I think Anakin’s fate is about that moment in Palpatine’s office, and so I’m not fundamentally opposed that “Duel of the Fates” is about Anakin’s fate, but here’s what George has provably said about the “Duel of the Fates” part of the story: - In the commentary for The Phantom Menace during “Duel of the Fates” and none of Dave’s speculation is even hinted at, there’s more focus on the technical side of things and the most George talks about is that it’s Obi-Wan who parallels Luke in going over the edge during the fight, except that instead of a Sith cutting off a Jedi’s hand, it’s a Jedi cutting a Sith in half, drawing the parallels between them. - He does say of the funeral scene that this is where Obi-Wan commits to training Anakin and how everything is going to go (though, in canon we see that Obi-Wan still struggles with this a bit, but Yoda is there to support him and nudge him into committing even more to Anakin, because the Jedi are a supportive community to each other). This is some solid evidence for that Obi-Wan is already caring about Anakin beyond just Qui-Gon. - Then here’s what he says about the “Duel of the Fates” fights and themes of them in "All Films Are Personal": George Lucas: “I wanted to come up with an apprentice for the Emperor who was striking and tough. We hadn’t seen a Sith Lord before, except for Vader, of course. I wanted to convey the idea that Jedi are all very powerful, but they’re also vulnerable — which is why I wanted to kill Qui-Gon. That is to say, “Hey, these guys aren’t Superman.” These guys are people who are vulnerable, just like every other person. “We needed to establish that, but at the same time, we wanted the ultimate sword fight, because they were all very good. It sort of predisposes the sword fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan later on. There’s real purpose to it. You have to establish the rules and then stick with them. The scene illustrates just how Jedi and Sith fight and use lightsabers.” “So Qui-Gon loses, of course. So the father figure, he knew what it meant to take this kid away from his mother when he had an attachment, and he’s left with Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan trains Anakin at first out of a promise he makes to Qui-Gon, not because he cares about him. We’ll get to the “attachment to his mother” thing in a bit--but, for now, let’s just say, George Lucas’ words on this are not that attachment to her was a good thing. Fair enough that “not because he cares about him” is up to personal interpretation, but canon has also addressed the topic of Obi-Wan’s treatment of Anakin and Obi-Wan stepped up to the plate on this. In addition to how we see Obi-Wan REPEATEDLY being there for Anakin and being concerned and caring about him, they specifically talk about Qui-Gon and overcome this hurdle.

No, Obi-Wan is not Anakin’s father figure, on that we definitely agree. Anakin never really even treats Obi-Wan like a father--he says “you’re the closest thing I have to a father” in Attack of the Clones, as well as he says Obi-Wan practically raised him in The Clone Wars “Crystal Crisis” story reels, but Anakin has never actually acted like Obi-Wan is his father--”then why don’t you listen to me?” Obi-Wan points out in AOTC--as well as Obi-Wan glides past those remarks, which I’ve always taken that he doesn’t want to reject Anakin’s feelings, knowing that Anakin can be sensitive about them, but neither does he want to confirm them. This does not mean Obi-Wan was not supportive, caring, and loving. He says, “I loved you!” to Anakin in Revenge of the Sith, he asks after him and if he’s sleeping well in Attack of the Clones, and even George Lucas himself said that the elevator scene was set up TO SHOW OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN CARE FOR EACH OTHER:

PUTTING THE REST UNDER A READ MORE FOR A BETTER LENGTH REBLOGGABLE VERSION, IF YOU WANT.

This is further evidenced by how the Jedi do see themselves as family, they just don’t need to put it into strict nuclear family dynamics: - “You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!” [–Obi-Wan Kenobi, Revenge of the Sith] - “We are brothers, Master Dibs.” [–Mace Windu, Jedi of the Republic - Mace Windu] - “Did your parents bicker?” she asked. “The adoptive ones, I mean.” A slow smile broke across Ashla’s face, curling first one side of her mouth and then the other. Whatever she was remembering, Kaeden could tell it was good. "All the time,“ Ashla said, almost as if she were talking to herself. [–Kaeden Larte, Ahsoka Tano, Ahsoka] - Vos, brought to the Temple even younger than most, felt that he had hundreds of brothers and sisters, and it seemed that whenever he went into the dining hall he ran into at least half of them. [Dark Disciple] - “It was not his birthplace, exactly, but the Jedi Temple was where Quinlan Vos had grown up. He’d raced through its corridors, hidden behind its massive pillars, found peace in its meditation hall, ended-and started-fights in rooms intended for striking blows and some that weren’t, and sneaked naps in its library. All Jedi came here, at some point in their lives; for Quinlan, it always felt like coming home when he ran lightly up the stairs and entered the massive building as he did now.” [Dark Disciple] Brothers, sisters, and other more non-traditional kinds of family are not lesser and Obi-Wan and Anakin absolutely were family, just as the Jedi are all family to each other, so, no, there was no “failing” Anakin, except in Anakin’s mind, perhaps. (In that, I can agree. But not on a narratively approved level, canon too thoroughly refutes that for me.) Rebels as well pretty thoroughly shows that non-traditional families are meaningful and just as important--we may joke that Hera is “space mom”, but she’s not actually Ezra or Sabine’s mother, Kanan is not actually their father, and even if they sometimes stray into aspects of those roles (as the Jedi do as well in the movies and TCW), that they don’t need that traditional nuclear family structure. Mentor figures--and Kanan is Ezra’s mentor--are just as meaningful and needful as a “dad”. And I’m kind of :/ at the implication that anyone without a dad/father figure or mom/mother figure is being “failed”. When they get Anakin, they find him on Tatooine, he says “Why do I feel like we’ve found another useless lifeform?” He’s comparing Anakin to Jar Jar and he’s saying “this is a waste of our time, why are we doing this, why do you see importance in these creatures like Jar Jar Binks and this ten-year-old boy? This is useless.” Whether or not Obi-Wan is being genuinely dismissive in this movie (I think you could make a case either way), the idea that Qui-Gon is better than Obi-Wan about this, as shown through Jar Jar isn’t exactly very supported given how Qui-Gon and Jar Jar first exchange words:

QUI-GON: “You almost got us killed. Are you brainless?” JAR JAR: “I spake.” QUI-GON: “The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.” Qui-Gon is just as bad as everyone else to Jar Jar, he’s not somehow elevated above them. It’s also baffling because, Dave, I have watched your show. The Jedi are specifically shown to be kind to people and creatures, not considering them “useless”. Henry Gilroy (who was the co-writer for The Clone Wars and frequently appeared in featurettes on the same level as Dave Filoni) explicitly draws this to The Jedi Way, that “life is everything to the Jedi“, when he said this about the Ryloth episodes:

(Caps cribbed from Pan’s blog, because I cannot make another gif, save me, please.) Henry Gilroy in an Aggressive Negotiations Interview: "Obi-Wan truly is a Jedi in that he’s like, ‘Okay, I’m not going to murder these creatures [in the Ryloth arc of The Clone Wars]. They’re starving to death. They’ve basically been unleashed against these people as a weapon, but it’s not their fault. They’re just doing what they do. They’re just animals who wanna eat.’ "So the idea was–and I think there was an early talk about how, 'Oh, yeah, he’ll go running through them and slicing and dicing them and chop them all up or whatever, and save his guys. And I’m like, 'Yeah, but that’s not really the Jedi way. He’s not just gonna murder these creatures.’ "And I know the threat is [there], to save one life you have to take one, but the idea of him [is]: why can’t Obi-Wan just be more clever? He basically draws them in and then traps them. "It says something about who the Jedi are, they don’t just waste life arbitrarily. And someone could have gone, 'Oh, yeah, but it would have been badass if he’d just ran in there with his lightsaber spinning and stabbed them all in the head!’ And 'Yeah, you’re right, I guess he could be that, but he’s trying to teach his clones a lesson right then, about the sanctity of life.’ "That is the underlying theme of that entire episode. Which is: A tactical droid is using the people as living shields. Life means nothing to the Separatists. The droids. But life is everything to the Jedi. And even though he doesn’t have to say that, it’s all through the episode thematically.“ It’s also Obi-Wan who teaches Anakin about kindness to mindless creatures in the Obi-Wan & Anakin comic:

"These beasts are nearly mindless, Anakin. I can feel it. They are merely following their nature, they should not die simply because they crossed our path. Use the Force to send them on their way.” Now, fair enough if you want to say Obi-Wan was taught by Qui-Gon, but also Qui-Gon is dead by that point and Obi-Wan growing into being more mature is his own accomplishment, not Qui-Gon’s, especially given that we see Qui-Gon himself being pretty dismissive to Jar Jar in TPM. This isn’t unique thing either, Padme is incredibly condescending to Jar Jar in “Bombad Jedi” and expresses clear annoyance with him to C-3PO when sighing over him. Jar Jar is a character you kind of have to warm up to, pretty much the only one we’ve seen consistently being favorable to him is Yoda (and maybe Anakin, though, Anakin doesn’t really interact with him a ton) and Mace Windu warms up to him considerably in “The Disappeared” and even specifically is shown to be teaching him and helping him, which is a huge theme of the Jedi and how much they care.

So, ultimately, the point I’m winding my way towards is--the other Jedi do show kindness and consideration to Jar Jar Binks, including characters like Mace Windu, so if you’re judging the Jedi based on that, the conclusion of Qui-Gon somehow being more compassionate and loving is really pretty thoroughly disproved by The Phantom Menace and The Clone Wars themselves. So, he’s a brother to Anakin eventually but he’s not a father figure. That’s a failing for Anakin. He doesn’t have the family that he needs. He loses his mother in the next film. He fails on this promise that he made, “mother, I’m going to come back and save you”. So he’s left completely vulnerable and Star Wars is ultimately about family. You could be charitable and say this is just from Anakin’s point of view that it’s a “failing”, but within the context of what Dave’s saying, it’s clearly meant as a more narratively approved take, not just Anakin’s point of view, and I really, really dislike the idea that Anakin--or anyone, really--needs a traditional nuclear family, ie a “mom” and/or a “dad”, or else it’s a “failing” for them. Setting aside that the idea that Qui-Gon would need to be Anakin’s dad to be kind to hi (which is ?????) is contradicted by The Clone Wars as well. Yes, Qui-Gon is warm with Anakin in several scenes, which is what Dave is presumably drawing on to show that Qui-Gon believed the Jedi should be caring and loving, but you know who else is warm to younglings? OTHER JEDI COUNCIL MEMBERS.

Those two scenes have the exact same kind of warmth to them. Ie, THE JEDI ALL BELIEVED IN BEING LOVING AND KIND, NOT JUST QUI-GON. The things evidenced to show Qui-Gon was loving and kind are evidenced just as much in other Council members, in Dave’s own show. As a bonus--have Mace Windu, known Jedi Council member, being super kind and loving towards a young Twi’lek girl he just met in a canon comic:

But I know that this is about the way the Council treated Anakin in The Phantom Menace testing scene, but here’s the thing--when I go back and I watch that scene and the Jedi aren’t ever mean to him, they’re neutral in an official testing situation, where they are trying to determine if he’s able to adapt to the Jedi ways. They never once say he’s bad for holding onto his fear, only that he does--which Anakin digs his heels in and gets angry about, he can’t really even admit that he’s afraid and that’s a huge deal for the Jedi. I’ve made a longer post about it here (and here), but the basic gist is: - That scene has Yoda giving the famous “Fear leads to the dark side” speech which is almost word for word how George Lucas describes how the Force works, showing the Jedi are narratively correct - “Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi” may be from the sequels, but it is thoroughly supported by the movies and TCW and Rebels and even supplementary canon material, including that the Jedi literally design their tests around both Masters and Padawans for it (Ilum, the Jedi Temple on Lothal, etc. - Anakin cannot admit to his fears in that TPM scene - We have examples of Jedi younglings do admit to their fears and the point isn’t not to have them, but to face them--the younglings in “The Gathering” are the most blatant example of this, but it’s also pretty much the entire theme of Jedi: Fallen Order, especially when Cal goes to Ilum to face his fears and get another kyber crystal. The point isn’t that Anakin--who has very good reasons to be afraid! nothing in the story or the Jedi have said he didn’t!--is wrong or bad, but that he’s not a great fit for the Jedi life because he is “unwilling to accept [Jedi philosophy] emotionally”. And they’re right about this, because this is how George Lucas describes Anakin in commentary: “The fact that everything must change and that things come and go through his life and that he can’t hold onto things, which is a basic Jedi philosophy that he isn’t willing to accept emotionally and the reason that is because he was raised by his mother rather than the Jedi. If he’d have been taken in his first year and started to study to be a Jedi, he wouldn’t have this particular connection as strong as it is and he’d have been trained to love people but not to become attached to them.” --George Lucas, Attack of the Clones commentary And so this brings us to A T T A C H M E N T, which, yeah, we’ve been having this discussion forever, but I’m going to state it again: Within Star Wars, ATTACHMENT IS NARRATIVELY A BAD THING. It is consistently tied to possessive, obsessive relationships, to greed and an unwillingness to let things go when it’s time (letting go is a huge theme in Star Wars) and equating love with attachment is fundamentally wrong according to George Lucas’ Star Wars worldbuilding: “The Jedi are trained to let go. They’re trained from birth,” he continues, “They’re not supposed to form attachments. They can love people-- in fact, they should love everybody. They should love their enemies; they should love the Sith. But they can’t form attachments. So what all these movies are about is: greed. Greed is a source of pain and suffering for everybody. And the ultimate state of greed is the desire to cheat death.” --George Lucas, The Making of Revenge of the Sith If attachment and love were the same thing, then he would be saying, “They should love their enemies, they should love the Sith. But they can’t love.” The way George makes the distinction shows that, no, attachment and love aren’t the same thing at all, attachment is not caring. Further, there’s another instance of him showing there’s an important distinction between relationships and attachment and the association of attachmets with possession: "Jedi Knights aren’t celibate - the thing that is forbidden is attachments - and possessive relationships.” --George Lucas, BBC News interview So, yes, when Anakin is attached to people, it is directly tied to obsession, possession, and greed, all things of the dark side: “He turns into Darth Vader because he gets attached to things. He can’t let go of his mother; he can’t let go of his girlfriend. He can’t let go of things. It makes you greedy. And when you’re greedy, you are on the path to the dark side, because you fear you’re going to lose things, that you’re not going to have the power you need.” --George Lucas, Time Magazine “But he has become attached to his mother and he will become attached to Padme and these things are, for a Jedi, who needs to have a clear mind and not be influenced by threats to their attachments, a dangerous situation. And it feeds into fear of losing things, which feeds into greed, wanting to keep things, wanting to keep his possessions and things that he should be letting go of. His fear of losing her turns to anger at losing her, which ultimately turns to revenge in wiping out the village. The scene with the Tusken Raiders is the first scene that ultimately takes him on the road to the dark side. I mean he’s been prepping for this, but that’s the one where he’s sort of doing something that is completely inappropriate.“ --George Lucas, Attack of the Clones commentary ATTACHMENT IS BAD IN STAR WARS AS THEY DEFINE IT. Finally, I’m going to circle back to: Because Qui-Gon is different than the rest of the Jedi and you get that in the movie; and Qui-Gon is fighting because he knows he’s the father that Anakin needs. Because Qui-Gon hasn’t given up on the fact that the Jedi are supposed to actually care and love and that’s not a bad thing. Here’s the thing about this: You know who else, by this logic, Qui-Gon should have been a father to? OBI-WAN KENOBI. This isn’t said as “Anakin specifically needs a father” (which I think would be an interesting idea to bandy about and I’m not disagreeing, though, it’s complicated because of what Anakin refuses to accept emotionally), it’s said in a bigger context, that Qui-Gon is better than the other Jedi because he understands the need for fathers (and thus this ties into Return of the Jedi) and he’s ahead of the other Jedi, who apparently think loving and caring about people are bad things, but Qui-Gon does not treat Obi-Wan like his son. Or, if he does, he’s not exactly a stellar dad about it. Within Master & Apprentice, there’s an incredibly consistent theme of how Qui-Gon thinks supportive things about Obi-Wan, but never says them aloud. He thinks he should talk to Obi-Wan about the upcoming decision to be on the Council and then never does. He could have explained why he kept Obi-Wan training the basics but he never does. There are multiple instances showing that Qui-Gon is actually really, really bad at actually handling a young apprentice who needs him to talk to them about important things. Qui-Gon continues this in From a Certain Point of View where he still never talked to Obi-Wan about everything that happened, even after he became a Force Ghost. Damn, damn, damn. Qui-Gon closed his eyes for one moment. It blocked nothing; the wave of shock that went through Obi-Wan was so great it could be felt through the Force. Qui-Gon hadn’t thought Kirames Kaj would mention the Jedi Council invitation. It seemed possible the soon-retiring chancellor of the Republic might not even have taken much note of information about a new Council member. --Master & Apprentice That comment finally pierced Qui-Gon’s damnable calm. There was an edge to his voice as he said, “I suspected you would be too upset to discuss this rationally. Apparently I was correct.” “I thought you said my reaction was understandable,” Obi-Wan shot back. “So why does it disqualify me from hearing the truth?” Qui-Gon put his hands on his broad belt, the way he did when he was beginning to withdraw into himself. “…we should discuss this at another time. Neither of us is his best self at the present.” --Master & Apprentice Obi-Wan walked toward the door, obviously outdone. “At the beginning of my apprenticeship, I couldn’t understand you,” he said. “Unfortunately, that’s just as true here at the end.” Only yesterday they had worked together as never before. How did Qui-Gon manage to get closer to Obi-Wan at the same time he was moving further away? Just before Obi-Wan would leave the room, Qui-Gon said, “Once, you asked me about the basic lightsaber cadences. Why I’d kept you there, instead of training you in more advanced forms of combat.” Obi-Wan turned reluctantly to face him again. “I suppose you thought I wasn’t ready for more. The same way I’m not ready to believe in all this mystical—” “That’s not why.” After a long pause, Obi-Wan calmed to the point where he would listen. “Then why, Qui-Gon?” “Because many Padawans—and full Jedi Knights, for that matter—forget that the most basic technique is the most important technique. The purest. The most likely to protect you in battle, and the foundation of all knowledge that is to come,” Qui-Gon said. “Most apprentices want to rush ahead to styles of fighting that are flashier or more esoteric. Most Masters let them, because we must all find our preferred form eventually. But I wanted you to be grounded in your technique. I wanted you to understand the basic cadences so well that they would become instinct, so that you would be almost untouchable. Above all, I wanted to give you the training you needed to accomplish anything you set your mind to later on.” Obi-Wan remained quiet for so long that Qui-Gon wondered if he were too angry to really hear any of what he’d said. But finally, his Padawan nodded. “Thank you, Qui-Gon. I appreciate that. But—” “But what?” “You could’ve said so,” Obi-Wan replied, and then he left. --Master & Apprentice "I owe you that. After all, I’m the one who failed you.“ "Failed me?” They have never spoken of this, not once in all Qui-Gon’s journeys into the mortal realm to commune with him. This is primarily because Qui-Gon thought his mistakes so wretched, so obvious, that Obi-Wan had wanted to spare him any discussion of it. Yet here, too, he has failed to do his Padawan justice. --From a Certain Point of View, “Master and Apprentice” (Further, in Master & Apprentice, Qui-Gon thinks that the Jedi give Rael Averross--who is HUGELY paralleled to Anakin--too many exceptions, were too soft on him because he came to the Jedi later than most and has trouble thinking of them as his family, and he thinks they should have been stricter with him.) It’s also readily apparent within The Phantom Menace itself:

You can take some charitable views of this scene, that Qui-Gon was pushed into a corner where he had few other options (and this is the view I generally take even!), but this is after the entire movie where he’s never once indicated that Obi-Wan was ready, has instead indicated that he still has much to learn (not just of the Living Force, but in general), as well as made it clear that he’s still teaching Obi-Wan, like on the Trade Federation ship. And I do think Obi-Wan got over this because he understood, because Obi-Wan actually is a very selfless person, he clearly cares (which is furthered by how we see him warm up to Anakin very quickly), but look at their faces. This was not a good moment, and they do somewhat make up, where Qui-Gon says that Obi-Wan has been a good apprentice, that he’s wiser than Qui-Gon and he’ll be a great Jedi--but if we’re counting that as Qui-Gon being this great Jedi, then you can’t say Obi-Wan failed Anakin, given that we show him doing the exact same thing, except better. He tells Anakin, “You are strong and wise and will become a far greater Jedi than I could ever hope to be.”, echoing Qui-Gon’s words, but also he never threw Anakin aside for someone else. This is kind of a major undercurrent throughout The Clone Wars, where Obi-Wan never takes another apprentice, where he continues to teach Anakin, to support him, even to the point of occasionally co-Mastering Ahsoka with him. “This has been quite a journey for our Padawan.” Qui-Gon’s treatment of Obi-Wan in this scene isn’t the worst, he’s kind about it later (though, he never actually specifically apologizes for this), but we can see that this is a moment where Qui-Gon hurts Obi-Wan and knows it. And you know what George Lucas has to say about Qui-Gon? This: “So here we’re having Qui-Gon wanting to skip the early training and jump right to taking him on as his Padawan learner, which is controversial, and ultimately, the source of much of the problems that develop later on.” –George Lucas, The Phantom Menace commentary There’s nothing about Qui-Gon being right or better than the other Jedi, but instead that Qui-Gon’s actions here are a source of much of the problems that develop later on. So, ultimately, I liked some points Dave made in that speech, it’s a beautiful and eloquent one, but I thoroughly disagree with his interpretation of George’s intentions for Qui-Gon and I thoroughly disagree that that’s what the movies, The Clone Wars (DAVE’S OWN SHOW), and the supplementary canon show about Qui-Gon and the other Jedi. I still stand by my appreciation of Dave’s contributions to SW as a whole, I think he does a really good job at making Star Wars, but he doesn’t always get everything right and this is one thing where I think the canon and George’s commentary show otherwise, as much as I love his desire to defend the prequels’ importance in the story. Because, my friend, I have felt that every single day of my SW life.

#anakin skywalker #qui gon jinn #jedi order #george lucas #dave filoni #meta #long post #really long post

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ashintheairlikesnow · 3 years

Note

i'm fucking losing it about that most recent post and i cannot get coherent words out about it because i get too excited about the possibilities and it is extremely hard to type while flapping but !!! oh my god!!!! oh my godd!!!!!!!!!

CW: Opening to what is definitely going to be a severe trauma response in the next piece, brief victim-blaming language

Jake watches the video, and Laken can't read his expression at all. It's grim, maybe - his jaw is set, and his blue eyes don't leave the laptop screen.

Youtube starts with a stupid fucking State Farm car insurance ad, and Jake is quiet and thoughtful before the ad even ends. He didn't argue with Laken, or suggest disbelief. He only texted come to the house and show me while C is at rehearsal, and Laken had hopped on two buses and walked half a mile, but here they are, now, only a little sweaty for their efforts.

Laken hunches over next to him, their hands over their mouth, thick wavy black hair falling over their eyes. They'd re-shaved the sides yesterday and the air moved over the shorn-short spaces as the fan turned overhead.

They don't speak. They just watch Jake watch Tristan Higgs dance. They watch Antoni, Chris's other brother, sit quietly on Jake's other side, his own dark eyes equally fixed on the screen. When the video ends, Jake hits the replay button and watches it again.

And again.

"This video is from eight years ago," He finally says. His voice is a deep rumble, barely a sound human ears can hear. “I mean, the dancing is from eight years ago.”

Laken swallows and nods. "Um, y-yeah. So he would be-"

"Fifteen," Jake finishes for them. "Give or take. If he's as old as I think he is. And this guy seems pretty fucking sure that Tristan Higgs is dead."

"Right." Laken swallows, uncomfortable. "So, Ben-... You remember Ben. He's, um. Been looking stuff up, and... He sent me some links to, like, old news articles, and... Um..."

"What is in the articles?" Where Jake's voice is rough-edged, struggling for control, Antoni's voice is soft, hazy with his accent, sliding over consonants and coasting the vowels. "What is he sending?"

"So, um, like... This double-... Uh, double-murder and stuff. These people that were killed and just, like, their kid survived, Tristan Higgs. Except then he disappears-... just drops off the face of the earth. But no obit or anything.”

Jake and Antoni look at each other, the men sharing an expression that communicates a wealth of information Laken isn't privy to. But the one thing they don't show is any surprise.

"-and... Ben's been messaging the guy that posted the video, and-... They're gonna meet, um, in a couple days. At, you know where La Mode is? The ice cream place where they filmed that bit in that old Vince Shield movie-"

"I know where La Mode is, yeah," Jake says, watching Laken carefully. He hasn't looked at them like this in a long time, since he first met them - calculating and slightly cold, considering the risk they pose to Chris and to everyone else in his house.

"I also am knowing that place," Antoni says with a nod, putting a hand on Jake's arm. Jake is tense - Laken didn't realize it until he suddenly relaxes, consciously, now. "Why is Ben wanting to talk to this man?"

"I, I don't know. He kind of, he's really intense about this stuff. You know, when he found out Chris was, um, was... a pet..." The word is ash on their tongue, gums up around their teeth, makes their stomach flip in disgust. "... He kind of lost his shit once we got Chris calm about it. I think he thought-... Uh, you know, people like Chris, they get targeted, and... so he's been thinking about that.”

“This isn’t his business, Laken,” Jake says, weary, closing his eyes.

“No, I know, but he's got a little brother who's the same age Chris was when-... this video must have been made. Who’s a lot like him. So I think he's... I don't know. Maybe thinking, you know, if it was his brother, he’d want someone to do all this... if-... if someone took his brother away."

"Yeah, I get it." Jake swallows, sitting up slowly, rubbing at his face. He's got a day-old stubble along his jaw, the kind that made Laken grin a little when they saw the rubbed-red, irritated jawline of the guy with black hair who answered the door, Chris's other brother kind of.

The one that Laken met the night Dylan told Ben and them where Chris really came from. Except... not this. Dylan hadn't known this.

"So, we need to get Chris ready-"

"Get me ready for, for, for what? Laken, why, why are you here?"

Laken closes their eyes and lets out a slow, soft sigh. Of course - the one night they needed Chris's rehearsal to run full-length is the one night he comes back early. They turn to look at Chris and give him a slight smile. "Hey, querido, we just, um-... So, there's..."

The video has still been playing in the background, forgotten, and the music kicks into the crescendo where the second gymnast steps up, catching Chris's attention. "What's, what's that? Is, is, is, is is is it-"

He goes silent as Tristan Higgs steps into place, shoots his bright smile towards Akio Nakamura, and does his first set of flips and spins.

The three of them watch Chris watching Tristan Higgs. They watch his backpack slide off his shoulder and thump to the ground. They watch his eyes - the perfect match to the eyes of the boy on the screen - follow Tristan and Akio dancing briefly back to back, his laughter as he drops his head onto Akio's shoulder.

Something in the line of his shoulders tightens. His skin is pale under the freckles, his hair suddenly seems too garishly bright against the rest of him. There are shadows under his eyes Laken has never seen before. He looks younger... and haunted.

They hold their breath until it ends, the two boys hugging and laughing, Tristan bouncing and rocking and flapping ecstatically when the routine went off without a hitch.

The video cycles to the next one, a different set of Nakamura's. Chris blinks and then looks at the three of them, eyes moving from one to the next. "Why... are you watching... that?"

His voice shifts, change, slips into a drip-drop of words, a slowly leaking faucet language that Laken barely understands when compared to his usual mile-a-minute. He stands perfectly still.

Once again, Jake and Antoni aren't surprised.

"Chrisha," Antoni says, gently. Jake's jaw works, maybe fighting for words that don't come. "That is you, we think. You were... are Tristan Higgs."

Chris's eyes move to Antoni. Then back to Jake. "No," He says, simply. "I'm... not."

"Chris?" Laken feels a wash of uncertainty. "Are you okay? We're pretty sure this is you."

Chris stares right through Laken, eyes empty, full of a kind of fog all their love can't break through. "No, I, I'm not. I'm... not him."

Jake is the one to push himself to his feet first, taking Chris gently by the arm to walk him back towards the doorway. "Chris-"

"I'm... not, not him," Chris says, looking up at Jake, up and up and up. "I'm... not, Jake."

Chris, Laken's sunshine boy, their love and light and life, is a dull bit of broken rock, sodden earth after too much rain, the sooty stumps of trees in an empty wildfire-wrecked field.

"I know it's hard," Jake says, folding Chris into his arms, and Laken watches with a twist of something that isn't quite jealousy, but isn't that far off. Chris will always turn to Jake, first. They can't compete with that - they don't want to, even, they just sort of wish they could. "I know, Chris. But Laken's right, this kid... I think that might really be you."

"No," Chris whispers, burying his head into Jake's chest. "No, no, no. I'm... not. I, I make myself, I made Chris, I don't want to, to, to to to-to be anyone else anymore..."

"You're still Chris," Jake murmurs, and holds him close. "You're still my brother. This just tells us maybe a little bit about what happened before I met you, that's all. That's it, Chris. Nothing has to change."

"Everything changed," Chris whispers, pulling slowly back. "Because I, I did it wrong. I, I, I moved, wasn't... I was, was supposed to hide... and, and be so quiet..." His hands move, one finger up to his lips, as though shushing himself. The empty look in his eyes is cracking open to a well of pain that Laken, for all the times they've held him after nightmares and all the meltdowns they've seen... They've never seen it quite like this.

He pulls away from Jake, and slowly picks his backpack up from the floor.

"Chris?" Laken shifts forward, but the look on his face when he glances back at them makes them stop short. "Baby, I-"

"Go... home, Laken," Chris says, and turns away from them. "Tris, Tristan Higgs is, is, is, is dead. He, he, he... he he-... he, k-... killed people, and he’s, he’s, he’s dead.”

He's gone, his feet heavy on the stairs, before Laken can say another word.

Jake and Antoni glance at each other - another immense conversation contained in a single shared look - and then Jake sighs. "Come in, Laken. I'll drive you back to campus. Ant, if you'll-"

"Watch the house and speak to Chrisha. Got it." Antoni gives Laken a soft, sympathetic smile. "These things are not easy," He says, softly. "You cannot pick yourself back up again, simple as that, start a story where you were left off. I will speak with him."

"But, I should-"

"You'll make it worse," Jake says, rough-edged again.

"Harder," Antoni gently corrects. "He will need us, who know what it is they do to our minds, tonight."

"Wh-what do they do?” Laken looks from one of the men to the other. “I, I know memory loss, I get that, and he was clearly-... hurt, so much, but-”

“They take a frightened man-... or, child,” Antoni says, voice gentle as always. “And they teach us that the person we were before was so terrible that the person we are now exists only to suffer.”

“But he’s just a kid, there, in that video,” Laken says, a token protest, voice weak. Antoni’s smile widens, slightly, in its sympathy for them. “There’s no kid on earth who could possibly deserve that. He doesn’t even remember what happened!”

“You do not have to remember a crime to be told you are responsible for it.”

“But-”

Antoni takes their hands in his, looking them right in the eyes. “When you are alone, and frightened, and desperate to survive... you will believe anything that gives you the slightest chance for a way out.”

Laken swallows, hard, thinking of Chris whispering after a nightmare one night, they made me a Romantic pet because I was a slut who wanted it all the time - their sunshine boy, who never ever does, effortlessly believing a lie, repeating back the names they called him, acting unbothered and like he barely noticed his own words.

Laken swallows back a flip of disgust at the idea of a teenager being taught to hate himself that way.

“Wh-what happens if he remembers everything they made him forget?” Laken’s voice is a whisper.

“If we’re lucky,” Jake says gruffly, “He doesn’t remember it all at once. If we’re not-”

A wail shatters their conversation, a low keening cry from upstairs, muffled by distance and closed doors, a sound of wild screaming wordless grief. All three of them flinch as there’s a resounding crash and a slammed door.

“If we not, that happens,” Jake says, and he’s on his feet and up the stairs before Laken can remind him that he’d said he would take them home. They move to stand, but Antoni lays a hand on their arm.

“Jake, first,” He says softly. “It is easy to be overwhelmed, in these moments. Jake first, and then you.”

What they feel now is definitely a little bit jealousy.

And guilt.

Chris’s screaming, his misery and pain, seems to go on forever, twist itself into the walls of the house and burrow in. Antoni leaves to comfort frightened people who stick their heads out of doors and ask what’s going on, people Laken doesn’t know and has never been introduced to. They look at Laken, consider them, and Antoni speaks to them with soft reassurance while Laken feels helpless, and hopeless, and pointless in this house full of hurting people, while their own hurting person finds comfort in his brother, not in them.

They turn back to look at Jake’s laptop, sitting alone and watching a group of gymnasts hugging after getting their scores, laughing.

The title dates it as a year after the dancing video.

By the time this one was filmed, Tristan Higgs was already gone.

---

Tagging: @burtlederp , @finder-of-rings , @endless-whump , @whumpfigure , @slaintetowhump , @astrobly @newandfiguringitout , @doveotions , @pretty-face-breaker , @boxboysandotherwhump , @oops-its-whump @moose-teeth , @cubeswhump , @cupcakes-and-pain @whump-tr0pes @whumpiary @orchidscript

#chris the strawberry blond romantic #whump #memory loss #memory recovery #tw: trauma recovery #box boy #box boy universe #recovery whump #laken mamani: frankly i want to date them #tristan higgs #jake the shelter guy #antoni sings lullabies

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ilovefanfics2019 · 4 years

Text

Her Own Path

Part 5: A dream and a wish

Warnings: Bad dream, A sort of arguement, lots of fluff, erazermic, cute nicknames, soft Shinsou, soft Aizawa, soft Mic, gay Shinsou, fathers and daughter moments.

Characters: Aizawa, Mic, Shinsou, Eri and mention of Denki.

Description: At dinner Eri has something on her mind and at bedtime she wishes for something and her parents have a talk about it together alone.

Side notes: For Eri Daddy= Aizawa and Papa= Mic. Finally a chapter on the Erazermic family. Sorry having been posting recently I've been dealing with family drama left and right, also have fallen sick over the last couple of weeks but I'm back and hopefully will start to post regularly as I can. Hope you enjoy it 🥰

Third person pov

It was a nice quite evening in the Erasermic family househol-

"Shota I can't wait untill tomorrow" screamed aloud voice though the house startling poor Shota Aizawa who was cooking dinner. Aizawa sighed before turning around to look at his loud blond husband.

"Mic do you have to shout I'm right here" exhausted a tired looking Aizawa.

(And don't forget interrupt me the author/narrator of this story).

"Sorry Shota I didn't mean to shout" replied Mic without shouting.

(Ahem).

(And I'm sorry for inturupting you misses author/narrator).

(Thank you anyway carrying on).

"I know your excited for the festival tomorrow you have told me about a hundred times already" informed Aizawa contining to cook dinner. Mic looked at Aizawa lovingly before going to the cuboard and taking out the plates and helping Aizawa dish up dinner before setting the plates on the table.

"Dinner ready" Mic yelled out before it fell quite. Then the sound of two sets of footsteps heading towards the kitchen could be heard. One rushing and the other walking very slowly. The person of the rushing footsteps appeared in the doorway before stopping and turning around to tell at the other person to hurry up.

"I'm here now okay" a tired male voice belonging to the other set of footsteps replied out before also halting in the doorway as well. Aizawa could help smile at the sight before him whilst Mic bursted out laughing at it.

There before them was their adopted violet hair son Shinsou in a purple princess dress and a face full of make up. Whilst their young 7 year old adopted pale blue-gray hair daughter Eri stood there looking proud of what she had done to her older brother.

"Daddy, Papa do you like what I did to sou-sou?" Announced an enthusiastic Eri.

"I love it" laughted Mic whilst taking a picture so he could remember the scene before him forever.

"Purple suits Shinsou well" answered a smiling Aizawa. Eri's face lit up with a smile at the praise she got from the two adults whilst Shinsou just stood there with red cheeks from embarrassed, or is from the blush? I'll let you decide. After Shinsou came back from cleaning his face and changing out of the dress the family started their dinner.

The family made small talk about their day. Shota and Mic about UA and hero related stuff, Shinsou about how his training was going and Eri about her day with Mirio.

Aizawa's pov

I notice Eri was awfully quiet whilst eating her dinner whilst normally she be talking our ears off about random things. But she is as quiet as she was when she first had dinner with us after we rescue her from Overhaul. She seemed like she had something on her mind, so I gestured with my eyes to Mic and Shinsou to look at Eri and they both caught on to what I was think.

"Hey sis did you have fun playing princess with me?" Shinsou asked Eri with a smile. Eri just look up at Shinsou with a smile nodding her head before her smile fade as she looked back down at her plate poking at the food. Mic then tried talking with Eri.

"Is the food okay hunny-bunch?" Mic questioned Eri whilt motioning to her plate of half eaten food.

"Yeah it fine" Eri muttered not looking up this time but continuing to poke at her food. Me, Mic and Shinso all looked at each other worried.

"Princess are sure your okay, you not sick are you?" I asked worried that she might be really ill and we didn't notice earlier. She set her fork down before looking at us with a distant look.

"It's just I've had a lot on my mind recently" she sighed.

"Like what?" Shinso asked kindly.

"W-w-well I had this werid dr-dr-dream re-recently" she stuttered.

"Like a nightmares" questioned Mic gently.

"I don't know it was a werid sort of dream" she replied.

"What was it about" I asked confused to how a dream could be werid.

"This girl in some sort of pain and it looks like she lives in a dark place but is older than me and I don't know what she looks like as the dream is blurry" answered Eri. Me, Mic and Shisou all look at each other confused to why she may be having that dream as none of the girls in class 1A, who Eri knows live in a dark place and we have had no villain attacks recently so no one should be in pain, so who could it be.

"We don't know anything that may have caused you to have that dream hunny-bunch but let's not think to much about it for now" advise Mic.

"Okay" Eri replied a bit more happily this time.

Third person pov

The family continued to finish their dinner before going off and doing their own nightly routines. Shinsou having a shower before going to his room to play video games for a while, then talking to his pikachu of a boyfriend before bed. Mic also having a shower, then finish marking off some English work before settling down on the couch to watch tv. Aizawa helping Eri in the bath before helping her get ready for bed, then leaving her to settle down on the couch with Mic before having his own shower before joining the two on the couch.

Eri left the two adult to go to her room like she normally did, but didn't pick a book to read this time. Tonight she decided to settled herself in her window seat to look at the dark clear night sky which the bright and silvery stars lit up.

Aizawa and Mic both went up the stairs then started to head towards Eri's room to read to Eri like they normally did before going to bed. But the two were supprise when they got to her room to see a empty bed with no book to read and no excited Eri to read to. Instead they saw the young one horned girl sitting in her window seat looking at the starry night sky. They both came up and sat next to her, all of them were silent for a few minutes before Mic broke it.

"I think it time for bed now hunny-bunch" Mic spoke softly whilst Aizawa just nodded his head gently to signal he agreed with what his husband said.

"Okay" Eri quietly said. Eri was about to turn around so she could get down of the seat, but before she did something shooting across the sky caught her attention as well as the two adults.

"A shooting star" sang Eri excited, the two adult chuckling softly at the excited little girl.

"Do you know what to do when you see one princess?" asked a happy but sleepy Aizawa.

"Yes Mirio taught me about it, when you see a shooting star you meant to wish on it and then the wish may come true one day" answered a happy Eri.

"Are you going to wish for something hunny-bunch?" Mic asked with a smile. Eri nodded her head at him before turning back to face the window, then she took a deep breath before closing her eyes.

"I wish for an older sister but not a old as Shinsou to join our family" wished Eri happily unaware of the shocked glance shared between her two parents, which soon disappeared as Eri opened her eyes to look at the two. Eri turned to climb down before turning to speak to her parents.

"Okay I'm ready for bed now" Eri sighed happily before turning to make her way to bed along with her two parent who keep their shocked feelings to themselves not wanting to upset the small girl. They both kissed her on the head before muttering a quite "goodnight" to her, in which Eri returned the kisses and yawned a "goodnight" back before setting down to go to sleep. Aizawa closed Eri's door quietly before him and Mic made their way down the hall to their room.

Mic entered the room first before Aizawa followed closing the door to the room behind him. They both made their way to their bed before sliding under the sheets, both were quite for a while before Mic spoke out.

"So what are we going to do?" Mic asked Aizawa quietly turning to face him.

"What do you mean?" Aizawa answered confused looking at Mic with confusion.

"You know about our daughter's wish for a older sister" exclaimed Mic.

"What about it, is a just a wish and wish do not always come true" Aizawa announced.

"But we could make it come true" countered Mic with determination in his voice.

"Look I would love to make our daughter's wish come true but it just not possible many adoption shelters these days don't have a lot of older children and plus we are already very busy with raising our two adopted children, also watching over the UA kids who are sort of like our kids as well" argued Aizawa nicely.

Mic sighed a quite "I guess your right". Before Aizawa announced softly with "maybe when we are less busy we can talk about it again and involved Eri and Shinsou in the conversation next time".

Mic replied with a soft "okay".

The Aizawa and Mic exchange their goodnights with a kiss before cuddling up and settling down for the night.

Shinsou who had heard both conversations was now sat on his bed thinking about what had been said. If he was being honest he wouldn't mind having another little sister as that means he didn't have to play princesses with Eri alone anymore and he would have someone else to love and care dearly for. Yeah he wouldn't mind having another sister at all. He sighed before texting his electric blond boyfriend a goodnight as he too settle down for the night.

That night the small family of four (not including the amazing amount of cat that the family have) all fell asleep with the same dream. The dream of having another daughter, another younger sister and a older sister. All wondering if it would ever come true?

But little do they know that it would come true sooner than they think and that the girl from Eri's dream would be the one to make it come true.

#bnha x y/n #bnha x reader #bnha fanfiction #my hero academia x you #my hero academia x reader #my hero academia #bnha erasermic #bnha eraserhead #bnha present mic #bnha shinsou #child reader

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artificialqueens · 3 years

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You Know You Love Me, Chapter 8 (Branjie) - Kiki

A/N: Not it being almost a month since I updated this lmao. Honestly, is anyone being productive right now? (Pls say no to make me feel better lol) I hope everyone is doing good and I hope you enjoy this chapter, just 3 more left until it’s finally finished!

Saturday was Brooke’s favourite day of the week.

She got to wake up whenever she wanted, she didn’t find herself rushing to make it to school on time and she could fill her day with all of the things that made her happy.

She woke up in a good mood since there was no alarm clock blaring at her in the early hours of the morning and she felt at ease. She knew that today was going to be a good day for three reasons; she was able to spend the rest of the morning and afternoon completely relaxing and doing absolutely nothing, there was a big Halloween party happening that night so she would be able to dance and drink and have fun with her friends and, the biggest reason; she got to see Vanessa.

Brooke put her furry slippers on and slowly walked down the stairs of her penthouse apartment and found herself immediately walking over to the coffee machine. Her body was on autopilot as she prepared her first coffee of the day and made a quick breakfast of fruit, yoghurt and granola.

As she walked to the living room with her breakfast, she turned on the TV and sat down on the soft leather couch and wondered exactly what she was going to do today. It was already 12pm (she had definitely slept in for longer than she intended to) and she had to be at Vanessa’s at 3pm to have lunch with the girls and start getting ready for the party. Vanessa wanted Brooke to help her curl her hair and Brooke wanted Akeria’s help with her eye makeup so they all figured it would just be easier to get ready and travel to the party together.

She decided to have Gilmore Girls on in the background (this was probably her fifth time re-watching it) while she scrolled through her phone. After spending a couple of minutes on Twitter and Facebook, she got bored of looking at other people’s social media feeds and was about to put her phone away until she saw it: a Gossip Girl blast entitled “Vanessa Mateo Gets Her Revenge”.

She immediately clicked on the link and saw that the post went up last weekend. She couldn’t believe she missed it for so long, usually she clicked on anything that Gossip Girl put up about her friends straight away, especially since the post that she had put up about Brooke and Vanessa.

Brooke was extremely confused while she read the post. There were pictures of Kameron being escorted away by her parents and…security guards? Brooke had to squint her eyes to focus on the three people in the background and her heart sank when she realised that, yes, it was in fact Vanessa, Akeria and Silky in the background with massive grins on their faces while Kameron was being dragged away.

Brooke scrolled down some more and saw that Gossip Girl had revealed exactly where Kameron’s parents were shipping her off to and Brooke Lynn couldn’t help but feel bad for her old friend. She knew how it felt when your own parents made plans to get rid of you and she couldn’t imagine how angry she would’ve felt if she knew that someone her own age had influenced her parents to make that decision.

Granted, Kameron did deserve some revenge after what she put Vanessa through. But being shipped off to reform school and probably never being able to earn back her parents trust? Brooke thought that was a step too far. Brooke wanted to call Vanessa about what happened but she knew that now probably wasn’t the best time, it would just end in a massive argument where they were both screaming down the phone at each other down. She thought about it some more and came to the conclusion that Akeria would leave out all the important details and would make it seem like it wasn’t that big a deal so that Brooke wouldn’t be angry at Vanessa. Silky was the only one who would want to tell Brooke everything purely because she loved to talk shit about anyone when she had the opportunity to do so.

Brooke grabbed her phone and called Silky, who picked up immediately. Straight away, Brooke demanded to be told exactly what had went down last weekend and Silky was more than happy to fill Brooke in.

“Ooh, Miss Brooke Lynn, I wish you could’ve been there to see the look on Kameron’s face. It was hilarious! And Vanessa was throwing shade and we were all laughing, it was a real good time. Shame the girl had to be literally shipped off for it to happen, but she got what she deserved.” Silky said smugly. Brooke could tell that Silky really didn’t care what happened to Kameron and only added in that last part to sound like a good person but Brooke didn’t have enough time or energy to focus on that bit right now.

She spent the next fifteen minutes drilling Silky with questions. She heard all about how they tried to get Vanessa to plan her revenge but Vanessa had been reluctant at first, how she had finally given in and they had spent hours combing through her social media and how Vanessa had text Kameron off of her phone.

Brooke couldn’t help but feel a bit used. She thought that Vanessa coming over with coffee for her and her mom was a really sweet and genuine gesture but now finding out that it had only been a distraction in one of her crazy revenge plans? Brooke was hurt.

“Brooke? You there?” Silky asked and Brooke realised that she must have zoned out towards the end of the story but she knew most of that from the Gossip Girl blast anyways.

“Yeah, Silk…sorry but I gotta go. See you later.” She promptly hung up and threw her phone to the other side of the couch, wondering what to do next.

—

On the drive over to Vanessa’s apartment, Brooke’s anger grew and grew. She had left her house with good intentions: she was going to go over there and have a civil and mature conversation with Vanessa about what she did and how wrong it was. But the closer the cab got to Vanessa’s street, the more upset Brooke felt. She knew that this probably wouldn’t end well and that they had a party to go to later and would have to at least pretend that they were getting along so that Gossip Girl didn’t write yet another story about them, but right now she didn’t care about any of that. Right now, all she wanted to do was scream.

As soon as the doorman let her in, she walked with a speed she didn’t know she had and found Dorota dusting the dining room table.

“Where is she?” Brooke asked angrily which startled Dorota. She pointed at the staircase with her duster and Brooke ran up the stairs, taking two steps at a time. She swung the door to Vanessa’s bedroom open and found the brunette laying on her bed in her pyjamas, painting her nails.

“Brookie! Hi!” Vanessa said while jumping up excitedly and running over to give Brooke a hug. Before she could reach her, Brooke’s pushed her back to stop her from getting any closer and Vanessa realised she wasn’t okay. She looked extremely pissed off, anyone with eyes could see that. But there was something else that only Vanessa could recognise because of how well they knew each other. Her green eyes were full of emotion and Vanessa frowned when she realised: Brooke was sad. Not just sad, extremely upset. “B…what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? Hmm, I dunno. Maybe the fact that you schemed and planned a freaking revenge attack on Kameron and got her shipped away to a reform school and didn’t tell me about it?” Brooke yelled as she talked and Vanessa was a bit taken aback. Sure, she knew Brooke was gonna be pissed off when she found out what Vanessa had done but she didn’t think she would care this much. Vanessa had to take a moment to recover and plan her next move because she really didn’t know how to reply to Brooke.

“Brooke…are you really that mad about it?” Vanessa asked quietly, wishing that Brooke was just pranking her and she didn’t actually care as much as it looked like she did.

“Are you seriously asking me if I’m mad that you got a girl shipped off to reform school, lied to me about it, told our other friends not to tell me about it, came over to my house to distract me while you stole my phone so you could pull a stupid scheme? Of course I’m mad, Vanessa! How could I not be?” Brooke’s voice was only getting louder and louder as she spoke and Vanessa knew she had fucked up big time.

“I’m sorry…look, B, I know you hate it when I do stuff like this but I can’t just let her get away with doing what she did to me. That’s not how I am. If she can try and ruin my life then why can’t I try and ruin hers?” Vanessa knew she sounded like a child who was getting scolded by her mother but she couldn’t stop herself from saying what she felt.

“Because your life wasn’t ruined, Vanessa, everything ended up fine.”

“No it didn’t! I was upset for so long after what happened and you know that!” Vanessa argued back, her anger levels now rising to match Brooke’s.

“You ended up with family and friends who supported you and no one dared to say a bad thing to you about it. She’s now being shipped off and probably hated by her parents because of this. You always act before you think, it’s like you think there aren’t any consequences to your actions!” Vanessa had to take a step back and try control her emotions after hearing what Brooke said. She didn’t know what she was feeling more; sadness or anger. Was Brooke Lynn really defending Kameron? After everything they had been through? “I just can’t believe you used me like that, Vanessa. I’m used to you tricking other people like that but not me.”

“I’m sorry, B…” Vanessa was willing to forget about Brooke Lynn defending Kameron considering how sad she looked at that moment. She couldn’t focus on being angry when Brooke looked like she was about to cry.

“That’s the thing, though. You’re not sorry. If you were sorry, you’d apologise to Kameron too. Her life is probably ruined now after this. Not to mention the fact that her family life is probably broken now too. You’re really not getting how bad this is, are you?” It was as if Brooke’s entire personality had changed. Two seconds ago she was holding back tears and now she was screaming at the top of her lungs. She knew deep down that she was more upset at how Vanessa had used her as a pawn in her scheme but she was playing it off as anger.

Vanessa’s personality had changed very quickly too. Just a moment ago, she had been willing to get on her knees and beg for Brooke’s forgiveness. She would’ve done anything to make her feel better. But defending Kameron twice? She couldn’t accept that. She was instantly filled with jealousy and although she absolutely hated it and even the thought of acknowledging that jealousy made her feel like shit, she knew she couldn’t ignore it.

“Why are you defending her so much?” Vanessa asked quietly. Brooke looked up and could see by Vanessa’s facial expression that she was pissed.

“What do you mean?” Brooke asked, not wanting to speak before she understood what Vanessa meant.

“I can understand you being mad that I lied to you. That I took your phone and used it behind your back as part of a scheme. I completely get that. But why are you defending her? Why do you keep emphasising how bad it is for her?” Brooke could see where Vanessa was coming from but she knew she was being irrational. This was supposed to be about Brooke being mad. Vanessa didn’t get to be mad too. That wasn’t fair. “Did you go yell at her after what she did to me? I’m pretty sure you didn’t. So why the hell are you so angry about what I did to her? Was she your little side chick or something? Are you mad I got your side bitch locked away?” Vanessa was fuming at this point and Brooke knew that this was going to end in a disastrous way.

“You cannot be serious right now Vanessa.” Brooke said sternly. “You seriously cannot be accusing me of sleeping with Kameron after I told you about what happened between me and her in the past.”

“Then why are you so pressed about it?” Vanessa asked with her eyebrows raised and a hand on her hip.

“Because it’s wrong, V! It’s such a shitty thing to do. I can understand Kameron doing shitty things but not you. You’re supposed to be my Vanessa. The one with a heart of gold. This isn’t you.”

“But you’re defending her! You’re on her side!” Vanessa yelled, angry tears forming in her eyes as she tried her best not to let them spill.

“No I’m not, V, there aren’t any sides here! I just want you to take some fucking responsibility for what you’ve done!”

“I’m fucking sorry, Brooke! I’m so sorry that I hurt you! But you’re literally picking her over me and I can’t accept that.” Vanessa’s tears slowly rolled down her cheeks and Brooke wanted nothing more than to wipe them away and kiss her better but she held herself back.

“I’m not picking anyone, Vanessa, seriously.” Brooke rolled her eyes at how Vanessa was acting whilst Vanessa’s heart was breaking.

“You seriously wouldn’t pick my side over hers?” Vanessa whispered softly, looking Brooke directly in her eyes.

“I swear to God, Vanessa, for the last time: I’M NOT PICKING ANY SIDES!” Brooke couldn’t contain herself anymore. She felt like a volcano that had been due to erupt for a long time now.

“You’re supposed to pick me. You’re supposed to support me if someone does something bad to me, not defend the other person.” Vanessa was full on sobbing at this point, she couldn’t contain it.

“I can’t support you doing things like that. I just can’t.”

“That’s fine, but why do you have to defend her like that…it’s like you don’t even care how I felt, you just wanna make me feel bad for getting revenge on someone.”

“I do wanna make you feel bad, Vanessa, what you did was awful.” Brooke knew that she was being harsh. She knew that Vanessa was in her feelings right now and that she wouldn’t be okay with the things that Brooke was saying but she had to get them out. She couldn’t control it.

“Can you leave please? I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.” Vanessa mumbled as she wiped her eyes. She was so thankful that she skipped her makeup routine that morning otherwise she would’ve had mascara smeared all down her face.

“No, Vanessa, you need to grow up and deal with the consequences of what you’ve done.”

“Brooke, I’m so sorry about what I did to you. I feel so guilty about lying to you like that. But I won’t apologise for what I did to her. I just can’t.”

“I don’t think I can see you the same way as I used to then, V…” Brooke replied and Vanessa was coming to terms that whatever she had with Brooke was probably over by now.

“I knew this was too good to be true…” Vanessa whispered.

“What are you talking about?” Brooke asked out of frustration.

“You and me…we could never be together. It was too good to be true.” Brooke was shocked at Vanessa’s statement. She kind of just assumed they would work through this like they worked through everything else, but it didn’t seem like Vanessa had come to that same conclusion.

“V, stop…don’t say that.”

“No, it’s true. Because I can’t be with someone who defends someone who has wronged me and not only that, tries to act like they’re on some fucking moral high ground when I do something wrong. Newsflash, Brooke, everybody makes mistake. Nobody’s perfect. Are you really gonna act like you haven’t done and said some stupid shit in your life? Because I could probably list twenty things you’ve done if you want me to. But I’m not about to take this kinda scrutiny from you. It’s not okay. I’m not having you fucking roast me this hard every time I fuck up.”

“Well I’m not gonna let you get away with being a manipulative bitch and act like what you do doesn’t affect people.” Vanessa’s face immediately hardened and that was when Brooke knew that they had both taken it too far. To the point of no return. Vanessa took a deep breath in, told her to get the fuck out of her house, and stormed off into her bathroom and locked the door.

Brooke stood there stunned for a minute not knowing what she should do. But as soon as she thought about the things Vanessa had said again, anger was the only thing she could focus on and she stormed out of her bedroom and down the stairs. It was only when she got to the living room that she realised leaving would probably be the worst mistake of her entire life. She quietly walked back up the stairs and opened the door to Vanessa’s room as quietly as she could and what she heard broke her heart. Vanessa was openly sobbing as if someone had died. Brooke felt the anger leave her body all at once, as if it was never there. She walked over to the bathroom and sat on the floor, leaning against the locked door with Vanessa on the other side of it.

“V?” Brooke called out, hoping that Vanessa responded.

“Go away.” Vanessa sounded like she had a cold, her nose was all sniffly and her voice was hoarse from crying.

“Nessa, please…open the door.” Brooke begged, wanting nothing more than to hold the smaller girl in her arms. Vanessa didn’t reply so Brooke came to terms with the fact that she was going to be doing most of the talking for the moment.

“Listen, V…I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to put it into words how sorry I am, I completely overreacted and I shouldn’t have done. I’m so so so sorry Vanessa.” Brooke had a hard time keeping her tears in but she knew that there had to be at least one of them not crying for this conversation to go successfully. All of a sudden, the bathroom door opened and Brooke was met with a puffy eyed Vanessa. She stood up and followed Vanessa over to her bed where they sat down. Vanessa immediately wrapped herself in her pink blanket, gently wiping her eyes with the corner of it.

“You didn’t overreact, B. What I did was dumb and I know that.” Vanessa admitted and Brooke knew that they were on a good path to recovery here, especially if Vanessa was admitting that she was wrong so quickly into the conversation.

“That doesn’t mean I should treat you like I did. I think I was just hurt that you lied to me and instead of dealing with that, I focused on the anger part because it’s easier to deal with.” Brooke smiled weakly and put her hand on Vanessa’s knee, stroking it gently. “I’m so sorry I let it go that far. I think I need to work on controlling my anger a bit.” Vanessa laughed softly at what Brooke had said.

“I’m sorry too, Brooke. I know what I did was wrong. I promise to stop meddling in people’s lives from now on…especially yours. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you what I was doing and that I lied to you. It won’t ever happen again I promise.” Vanessa put her hand on top of Brooke’s hand on her knee and squeezed it gently. “Am I forgiven?” Brooke nodded and climbed up to be beside her on the bed.

“Am I?” Brooke asked as she wrapped her arms around Vanessa from behind and Vanessa nodded slowly, turning her head around slightly so she could see Brooke’s face. Brooke gently grabbed Vanessa’s chin and moved her face up before connecting their lips together and both girls shared a sigh of relief that they were on good terms again. Even though the fight was short, Vanessa was sure it was the worst she had felt in a long time, even worse than when Kameron had outed her.

The two of them knew that they still had a lot of issues to overcome but right now, all they wanted to do was focus on kissing each other…and they did. For about an hour. The only reason they stopped was because Silky and Akeria arrived to get ready for Halloween, otherwise they probably would’ve been there all night.

The girls spent their time doing their makeup and hair and finalising their costumes, listening to music and talking and overall, having a great time. Brooke had missed nights like this when she was in boarding school and spending time with all of her friends made her so grateful to be back. She couldn’t wait for the night ahead.

—

The girls arrived to the club that was hosting their school’s annual Halloween party in the black limo that Brooke had ordered and they were bursting with excitement. They had drunk numerous glasses of champagne on the short drive there and they were ready to have an amazing night.

Brooke had decided to dress up as Marilyn Monroe, her hair curled short to recreate Marilyn’s iconic waves. Vanessa had been speechless when she saw Brooke in the short dress but she had to force herself to refrain from doing anything for the sake of Akeria and Silky. Akeria had dressed up as a cheerleader simply because she was mad that their school didn’t have a cheer team and she thought it was a shame that everybody hadn’t seen her in a cheer outfit. Silky was dressed up as a Roman Goddess (Vanessa had been extremely confused as to how she was going to pull that off but she decided not to question it) and the costume consisted of a white bedsheet that she had wrapped around her body and strategically pinned in place. She was hoping that by the end of the night, the sheet would be gone and she’d be in someone’s bed and had told everyone proudly that the costume was worn for “easy access” only. Vanessa had decided to dress up as a salsa dancer and got her mom to design a super short red sparkly dress for her. It fit her like a glove and she had her hair down curled to perfection (with Brooke’s help) and she felt amazing. Brooke couldn’t stop staring at her ass and her legs because they looked so phenomenal in that outfit.

Brooke and Vanessa walked into the party hand in hand and absolutely everybody had their eyes on them. It was like royalty had just walked in. People parted to make way for them all whilst staring at them intensely.

Brooke gently squeezed Vanessa’s hand in reassurance as the group of four found the booth reserved for them and quickly ordered a round of drinks for their table. Brooke worried that Vanessa would start to feel anxious or upset with everybody’s eyes on the two of them but if she was, she wasn’t showing it. Akeria locked eyes with Vanessa and Vanessa nodded reassuringly, letting the group know that she was okay. They downed a shot of tequila each and quickly hit the dancefloor.

Usually, Vanessa would be all over her friends while dancing at a party like this. She remembered the party that happened the night before Brooke left for boarding school and how they had danced and grinded up on each other pretty much all night, but things were different now. Now, people knew her secret and they were definitely watching her to see what they would do.

Brooke could tell Vanessa was overthinking things as they were dancing. She was trying to appear normal but she was definitely focusing her energy on dancing with Akeria instead of with Brooke.

Vanessa wanted nothing more than to dance with Brooke and be all over her but there was something holding her back from doing it. She felt like a ten-year-old girl who was too afraid to tell her crush that she liked them. It was pathetic. She absolutely hated how she wasn’t feeling like her confident self. On any other day, she would walk through the halls of her high school with the exact same people that were in this club with her right now and not give a crap what they thought about her. She was trying her hardest to bring that confidence back to herself but it just wasn’t working.

She looked over to Brooke who was dancing and joking around with Silky. When Brooke saw Vanessa staring, she gave her a small smile and a discrete wink which made Vanessa smile in return. Brooke was the one who made her feel like she could conquer the world without even saying anything.

She was instantly brought back to what Brooke had said to her that night she had planned to run away: “You’re a Mateo, remember? People don’t tell you who you are, you tell them.”

“Fuck it.” Vanessa thought as she walked over to Brooke, grabbed her face and kissed her slowly. She could almost feel people’s eyes piercing into her (and also could hear Silky screaming loudly with pride) but she decided that she didn’t care. At the end of the day, she was the most popular girl in school for a reason and kissing Brooke wasn’t going to change that. When Vanessa pulled away, she could see Brooke was stunned.

“Wow…um, I wasn’t expecting that.” Brooke said, clearly flustered from the unexpected kiss. Vanessa giggled in response and went back to the other two girls and continued dancing with them. She felt so much better now that she didn’t have to restrain herself. She could confidently dance with Brooke and make everyone jealous that she was able to make out with the hottest girl at the party.

After a while, the DJ announced that he was going to play a song for all the couples and as soon as the slow song started playing, Brooke held out her hand to Vanessa.

“Ness, may I have this dance?” Brooke asked sarcastically and Vanessa accepted immediately (of course). Vanessa, being an absolute hopeless romantic, was dying on the inside. She felt like she was starring in her own romance movie and she loved how it was going. They spent the next few minutes wrapped in each other’s arms, swaying gently to the music.

Both of them were so happy that, even though the day had been eventful to say the least, it had still ended so perfectly.

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #branjie #lesbian au #gossip girl au #rich girl au #high school au #you know you love me #kiki #submission

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halictus-writer · 4 years

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Welcome to Seattle (Ch. 2 of 5)

The next week went by smoothly. Remus had gotten into a familiar routine with his new job, and became more friendly with his colleagues who also wrote for the newspaper. He had always had a tough exoskeleton, but it didn’t take too long to become comfortable enough to let some of his walls down for a few select coworkers. In stark contrast to his friends from college, these coworkers did not press him for details about his dating-- or as James more bluntly put it, sex-- life. In any case, both were nonexistent.

*James changed the name of the chat to “Operation get Remus laid”*

James: Alright, here we go. Remus, are you ready to read some wisdom coming from yours truly?

*Remus removed James from the chat*

The truth was, Remus wasn’t opposed to getting back out there. The only drawback was that he didn’t know how to get back out there. His relationship with his ex had started organically, with little effort on Remus’s part. And being in a serious relationship for so long had saved him from having to learn how to flirt and casually date new people.

*Lily changed the name of the chat to “Help Remus get back out there, if he wants to”*

*Lily added James to the chat*

James: Alright Remus, you’ve had a chance to get all settled down in your new place, but now it is time to wake up and smell the coffee

Lily: What James means, Remus, is that we think you should maybe try to re-enter the dating scene. Only if you feel ready, of course.

Remus: is this an intervention?

Lily: no

James: yes

Dorcas: ooh are we voting? Marlene is driving so she can’t text but we both vote yes

James: Remus. My son. Fruit of my loins. You are a total catch. It is time for you to take your beautiful face out from behind those sad Jane Austen novels I know you’re rereading every night and get your freak on

Remus: I appreciate your investment in my sex life, I really do, but I think I’m doing fine.

Remus: also you’re not my dad. I’m older than you by five months

James: Oh really? Let’s play a game where you say True or False to each statement I make.

Remus: Fine. But only until my lunch break ends

James: Here’s the first one: My name is Remus Lupin

Remus: ...true

James: My favorite food is chocolate.

Remus: true

James: The most recent time I had sex was within the last 2 months

*Remus removed James from the chat*

Remus spent the rest of his lunch break walking through Pike Place Market. He loved the lively atmosphere of the place, and mentally mapped out the places he would like to spend more time in, in the future. No longer constrained by a vacation schedule, he can see as many shops and stores in Seattle as he would like.

He also sent pictures of the most interesting areas to the friend group via Snapchat. Having multiple avenues of communication proved to be very helpful for a group of people as prone to theatrics as they were. Any arguments or disagreements could stay in whatever platform they originated in, and if people were (temporarily) removed from that platform, they would still have access to another. This unspoken agreement allowed the group to plan James and Lily’s upcoming visit on Snapchat, while Remus kept up his faux-anger at James’s nosiness in the messages app. Remus knew he would tell them everything when he saw them in person, but being ambushed with the topic on a Tuesday while he was at work was not his preferred arena.

***

Saturday morning found the group reunited at a breakfast nook within the Market. Remus sat next to Lily in one booth, opposite Dorcas and Marlene, while James sat in a wooden chair on one end. Remus appreciated that his friends made sure their seating configuration didn’t highlight his own status as the fifth wheel.

After catching up on everyone’s lives, and many pointed glances directed at James from customers who evidently didn’t want to hear the piercing falsetto James used when reenacting conversations with Lily’s sister, the conversation found its way back to Remus’s dating life.

“Remus, you’re a catch and a half. It’s been a few months since your relationship ended, and it may be time to get back out there.” Lily started.

“It’s true,” Marlene added, nodding, “if I weren’t dating Dorcas I would be all over you and your wool cardigan. Almost makes me forget I’m a lesbian.” She laughed as she dodged a light flick from Dorcas.

“If you were a woman I’d totally sleep with you.” James said sincerely.

“Uh oh, misogynistic comment tax!” Dorcas swept in and took a piece of bacon from his plate before dividing it between Lily and herself. “For the vegetarian,” she made a half bow gesture from her seat as she presented Marlene with a liberated strawberry.

“Um, thank you for the votes of confidence, I think,” Remus began. “I appreciate it, I really do, well maybe not what James said, but I’ll admit defeat. I have been thinking about getting back into the dating scene.”

“A-ha!” James shouted, gesturing his final piece of bacon towards Remus. “The man is smelling the coffee. I can see it, he’s smelling it.”

“But,” Remus said softly, hoping that his reduced volume would subtly encourage James to be quieter as well, “I don’t really know how to meet people. I mean, we’re not in school anymore.”

“It isn’t easy, but you are in a much bigger city now,” Lily reasoned, “so theoretically your dating pool is much larger.”

“And there’s all kinds of designated queer spaces here!” James added. “You can go to gay bars and stuff, right?”

“I would pay to see Remus at a gay nightclub,” Marlene said, laughing.

“I would pay to see Remus awake past nine PM,” Dorcas said, “and not because you’re finishing a book.”

“Okay, okay, thanks everybody. I appreciate it.” Remus said flatly.

“Alright, let’s reel it in. Point is, you can meet people organically here, and we’ll support you.” Lily said. After she gave pointed looks around the table, the others nodded, although James was still smiling. “We can switch the topic now, but you better plan on keeping us updated on all your dating endeavors.”

James continued to smile mischievously, and added “And all of your casual sex endeavors. I need to know the exact starting date of your post-breakup hoe-phase. Get on the dating apps! You’d be a beast on there.”

“No.” Remus and Lily said in unison.

Lily continued, “I think you’ll have better luck meeting people organically. Dating apps can be creepy.”

When Dorcas finally changed the topic by prompting Marlene to tell the story of the cat she swore was taking the bus by itself last week, Remus sighed in relief.

***

A few days after James and Lily’s visit, Remus and Dorcas met for coffee before work. Once they had gotten their iced coffees, and in Remus’s case, a giant brownie (he hadn’t been to the Italian restaurant in a few days, so it was well-earned), Dorcas began a monologue that could hold its own against one of James’s.

"Alright. We love James and Lily. We love their beautiful, heterosexual, suburban lives. I am in awe of their enchanting, heterosexual love story, and how they met heterosexually and organically in their Communications class, and how it must have been meant to be when James was late to class and took the only available seat, next to our heterosexual princess.”

Remus laughed in silence, trying not to choke on a bite of brownie.

“Their heterosexual hearts are in the right place. Their heterosexual advice is kindly meant. And yet!” Dorcas announced, punctuating with one pointer finger, “you’re gay!”

Remus, having just finished swallowing the brownie and mistakenly taken a sip of coffee, struggled to not spit it out.

“Dating apps can be weird, of course, but it’s so much easier to meet other queer people there, and not worry as much about hoping the person you flirt with isn’t going to be offended by your existence.”

“Fair point,” Remus said, consciously not eating or drinking until Dorcas was finished.

“Until they open an LGBTQ+ bookstore coffee shop combo, which they totally should, and you would totally thrive in, you should get on Tinder."

Somehow Remus blushed at that, despite being a twenty-six year-old man who has dated before.

Dorcas called him on his blush, and laughed. “You are the most wholesome person I know, it’s too adorable. I won’t make you talk about it in public if it’s embarrassing, but just consider it.”

Remus agreed to do so, but secretly considered the pros and cons of staying single forever. Making a dating profile sounded anxiety-inducing.

***

When Remus walked through the doors of the Italian restaurant for the third time, he instantly felt a little better, as if his brain was already beginning to associate the place with the healing effects of the pizza he would soon be eating.

He had been feeling a little down this afternoon, with his thoughts often gravitating back towards his ex. He considered reaching out to one of his friends, since he knew they would be more than happy to talk him through it, but decided that a little alone time would do him good. Besides, he hadn’t eaten margherita pizza in over a week. It was time to indulge.

Looking up from his booth, he was momentarily surprised to find Sirius standing right in front of him, ready to take his order. Sirius hadn’t been working during Remus’s most recent visit, and Remus tried not to stare at the wavy pieces of hair framing his face, the rest tied back in place. Realizing that Sirius had spoken, Remus tried to regain composure.

“Hi, um, sorry, what was that?” So much for composure, Remus thought.

Sirius smiled warmly, holding eye contact. “You’re good. I just asked what I can get started for you today.” He added a little gesture to the pen and notepad he was holding.

“Oh, um, one small margherita pizza, please. And some water would be great, too.”

“Coming right up!” Sirius announced, and turned towards the kitchen. Remus pointedly looked away from the view, reminding himself that he was here to feel sad, not lustful. But, then again, maybe the latter would help him get over the former. Either way, his spirits were already lifting.

When Sirius returned carrying a beautifully steaming pizza, Remus was ready to devour it. He was also ready to speak words to Sirius like a normal person, having mentally rehearsed “Thank you, this looks great.” a hundred times.

“Thanks, you look great!” Remus expressed, looking at Sirius. His blush immediately materialized. “Wait, oh god. Sorry–”

Sirius laughed, “No worries! People tell me ‘you too’ when I tell them to enjoy their food, like, at least once a shift. You’re in good company.”

Remus smiled and felt a little more relaxed. “Thanks.”

Sirius shuffled for a second, looking like he had more to say, before saying “Well, enjoy your pizza!”

“You too!” Remus said, in mock sincerity. They both laughed.

***

When Sirius brought the check, he also dropped off a piece of tiramisu. “It’s for you!” He said, smiling and already walking away, as Remus tried to protest.

Remus ate about forty percent of the cake, mentally focusing intensely on the next plot point in his novel. Eventually, the soggy texture overpowered his desire to appear grateful for the free dessert, and he left the restaurant quietly when Sirius stepped back into the kitchen, away from sight.

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orderuponthe99prettygrimmdiaries · 4 years

Text

Road to Recovery 👣

Well, this is gonna be a long ass one. Also, this has been kinda drafted over the past... week? So it’s gonna be a real rollercoaster of a ride.

Had just binged Lucifer’s new season and was on reddit, looking at comments of redditors yelling at Luci to enjoy whilst he was finding stuff to freak out about.

Like him, I should have just been in the moment. Appreciated it. Instead of worrying about the next.

The past week has been.. emotional. Have been getting used to the fact that I might never speak or hear or see him again. Been also trying to focus on the bad to kinda ease the pain. At least it hurts a little less, less crying too. But it’s also like one day you do great, no crying, not much of missing and pain, but then the next, everything creeps in altogether and you fall apart.

The thing is... why does it hurt so bad? Things had been weird for months. I mean, I was the one who was always preparing myself for him to leave, I was the one who told myself I’d be okay even if we never went on the date. And I guess it just boils back to... expectations.

I expected him to care more, I didn’t expect that he’d be able to leave just like this. From regular convos to nothing in a week, now almost 2 weeks. I mean, we’ve had breaks. 1 day, 5 days, 10 days... It’s kinda strange if we were actually interested in the other. Maybe he wasn’t much of a texter and wanted to talk when we met. But did we really share much when we met? It’s odd... He doesn’t reply properly to texts, he disappears, he doesn’t really care much at times, but for some reason, I seem to remember the good more. It seemed like he does listen (at times), there were moments when I felt like he cared. A part of me still trusts him or sees the best in him.

Initially, I was trying to avoid talking about him so I would also stop thinking about him and I could move on. But I think talking about it also helps. Did also google about moving on from crushes, and that is a major point. Maybe I’ll never figure out what really went wrong, but maybe I could still give myself some sorta closure. Though reminiscing does hurt too. Going back to the place where we met, which is basically my workplace which I’ve to be at almost every day... The memories flooding in about the conversations we had. But it also helps me to acknowledge my feelings and fears, stuff that I suppose I didn’t acknowledge then. Maybe if I had been less afraid and tried harder, especially during the times we were both around considering how hard it was to get our schedules together. He probably thought I wasn’t that interested and moved on. Guys fall fast, but they seem to move on pretty quick too.

Ended up dreaming about him last night... It was really nice. There was a shipment, I didn’t let myself have hope that it would have been him. And he turned around, and it was him. I said hey and touched his arm. I headed off downstairs talking to the other guys, one of them was teasing me for giving him my number. He came down too. We sat there for a bit, and I asked if I could lean on his shoulder, and we ended up hugging too. That was just wonderful, but it’s sad to know it’d never be reality.

And I guess all those breaks we had throughout the months still gives me the slightest bit of hope that he might return... But now, 2 whole weeks of not speaking. The glimmer of hope fades as each day passes. Maybe, distance is just what we need, I tell myself.

But now, there’s also a new guy. So I’m guessing the likelihood of seeing him ever again is almost impossible. But is it really so bad if we never spoke or see each other again? Did he even really care? What were we?

Feels like history is repeating itself, and honestly, after re-reading old posts, maybe it is. Okay, but this time was slightly different. I fought harder. I should be proud that I got his number, or well, convinced him to get mine. I should be proud for initiating those texts, for finally picking up that video call, for asking him out.

I do wonder at times if it would have been better if I was just honest from the start, that I was interested and I felt there’s something special, different, but not entirely sure what it was. I had friends tell me that I shouldn’t be too emotional about too much, especially at the start. I mean, I did do this the last time, granted they were all online friends, and now we’re still friends. Maybe it’s different being online vs irl.

Should I continue fighting for him or just let this be another regret/what if? I guess I chose the latter. I was still too afraid to make a move, I was still too afraid to admit my feelings. I wanted to tell him, I wanted to give him the choice. But I was afraid, what if he only says he feels the same because knowing what I felt? I couldn’t take the leap.

And the more I thought, the less I knew. What did I ever really know about you? What did I like about you? I guess I didn’t listen to myself enough, or to the rational part at least. The closer you look, the less you see. By the time I remember this, it was a little too late...

I guess I need to stop trying to define everything. Some questions don’t have answers. Some stories won’t get closures. Not all friendships require daily talking. Why aren’t I okay with this? Am I just too attached to everyone? Does my life just basically revolve around people? Who the fuck am I?

I had been looking back at my old posts, all the way back to 2015, the darkest period of my life. I wanted to see what I did then, how did I handle it and pushed myself through. How the heck did I move on? Sure, it took me like... at least 2 years of moping around, then finally actually properly reaching out to get the help I needed. A couple months of counselling, pushing the focus back on myself, on self love and self care.

And all this unravelled within a couple months.

Granted, I think it was already starting to unravel early this year. All these work and personnel changes really fucked things up, with Covid just adding to it. And then comes those unexpected feelings, not knowing how to deal with it, worrying about how I’m gonna fuck it up, and in turn, fucking it up. Also, not giving myself a break when I truly needed it. I was afraid that if I took a break from texting him (okay I wasn’t really obsessively staring at my phone and replying immediately either, but I could have taken a proper break), I might have ended up losing him, and now, I’ve lost myself, I’ve lost him.

So yep, losing myself... this time, I don’t think I was able to keep it as contained as I did previously. Loss of appetite, exhaustion... I guess at least I don’t exactly sigh as much as I did during the start of the year? But I guess now with Covid and mom at home, she’s noticed the symptoms too. And I guess how I tend to stay cooped in my room, retreat back after meals etc, not really making as much convos with my parents too... Maybe even agitation or irritation as my mom noticed too...

She thinks it’s more physical, with my abnormal periods and stuff, like maybe I’m anaemic. Oof, and that one day she asked if I was alright because I didn’t seem happy. I literally broke down when I went back to my room. I try so hard to mask it all because I don’t want people to worry, and I want people to still be able to count on me when they need to. Though I’m pretty sure my colleagues noticed too. So I push myself. Sometimes I guess I pretend to be alright, cope with humour as my defence mechanism (self preservation through dissociation, amirite?), but then it comes crashing down the next day or next minute.

I’m just human. I need to allow myself to feel. I need to embrace that I feel a lot, sometimes a little too much. I shouldn’t hate myself for caring too much, for feeling too much. I need to remember to allow myself to rest, or else this burnt out and exhaustion won’t do me or anyone any good. Yes, I want to be there for others, but sometimes you need to save yourself first.

I’ve got one life to live, so I gotta live it. Right now it feels like I’m just surviving, otherwise basically floating through time and space. But it’s time to really live. it’s time to stop trying to keep everything under control. Sometimes a mistake is a destiny and sometimes we mess things up for the better. Stop comparing your progress and path to others.

Recovery isn’t a straight line. You’re gonna feel good and then bad. You’re gonna feel like a bad-ass bitch who needs no one, but then the next you might be crying from the pain of missing him. Sometimes it will just get worse before it gets better. Real growth isn’t linear, it’s a step forward and 20 steps back. You’re gonna be tempted to text him, to hear his voice, to try one more time, but then you also gotta remember all the progress you’ve made. People are hard to forget and change takes time.

Like Chandler and Joey were nudging Ross to move on from Rachel back in Season 1, maybe your friends had nudged you to move on too. My friends have been. Maybe our happiness just aren’t meant to be with each other. But I would love for you to be happy, even if it’s without me.

So, I guess imma do a separate post about all the lessons I’ve re-learnt. It was a real headache trying to write this piece already. Thanks to anyone who’s actually taken the time to read this. Take care everyone!

#post of the day #road to recovery #moving on #letting go #love #life #overwhelmed #emotions #guys #closure #relationships #recovery is not linear #live your life

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eliminatedtheimpossible · 3 years

Text

Enthalpy and Entropy

Alternative Title: Heat and Chaos

When possible I avoid working on any more than one case at a time. My methods of solving cases require me to become absorbed in the details of the matter. When working on two at once, my ideas get muddled and the high I get from the solution of the matter is dulled. When focusing on one case the details of it slowly become clear as I gather data. It can be likened to a spool of thread unfurling in a perfect line from beginning to end, inertia in action. Adding more thread just tangles things. I see connections where connections don’t exist. Apophenia has no place in the realm of logical thinking.

In the last few weeks, I’ve gotten into the habit of working on several cases at once. With the foresight I now have, I realise this was done to distract myself from the one true case which captivated my mind, but before I detail that case, I must detail the others. I spent most nights in the early half of the month out of Baker Street tracking leads for cold cases. It’s a tedious task but Scotland Yard had nothing better to offer and for once I felt like legwork.

I spent a few nights in an out of the way gambling den. I walked the line between being good enough at poker to appear to belong in such an establishment but not so good as to draw attention to myself. John has told me I have a propensity for showing off and poker is such a dull and unimaginative game. Yet, my conversations with the players did lead to some promising results.

Some players were stupid enough to give the locations of human trafficking rings they frequented, while others went so far as to lead me to them. People are idiots. They had the habit of conducting all their illicit affairs at the one time. Following or in some cases, being asked to join players in visiting such places after a match was common. There I uncovered several missing people from both cold cases and recent reports of missing persons. It was more straight forward than I tend to bother with, even the halfwits at Scotland Yard could have done it. After I discovered the gambling ring the rest was playacting but I wanted to get out of Baker Street. I needed to create space between John and myself. As I have previously stated, John Watson can be ridiculously stubborn when he wants to be.

My attempts to establish old boundaries between myself and John had been a dismal failure. I covered the sofa in piles of old case files, my scientific journals and monographs to remove the temptation of lying there with John. He chastised me to clean the flat and when I didn’t, he did. When I refused to sit with him on the sofa, he would give me a perplexed look. I stopped eating breakfast altogether, just to avoid his knee pressing against my own at the kitchen table. He would find me during the day and thrust a plate of food beneath my nose, refusing to budge until at least half of the food was gone.

During my nights out, John would text me asking where I was, when I would be home, and if he could come with me. I ignored him. I needed space to solve my cases, John would be a distraction. But why? Up until this point John had never been a distraction but now being in the same room as him was enough to throw my mind from the case completely. It was insufferable. I spend weeks pushing John away and for his credit, he remained steadfast, until he didn't.

The pendulum swung in the opposite direction. I’d planned to pull away from John, before re-establishing our old boundaries and normal comforts. I needed some more time to get my head around the matter at hand. Just when I believed I was coming to grips with things, it appeared to fall from my fingers. The solution to this problem was water in my hands.

John suddenly began to pull away. I would come home in the morning to an empty house. He still lived there, of course. His clothes were in the dresser and the kettle had been boiled not long before I entered as it was still warm but John was nowhere to be seen. When he was home, he would hardly speak. I decided to stay home at night again. The door to his bedroom was not only closed but locked. The two of us, normally so in sync, felt somehow off-kilter.

One morning, frustrated with how oblique the situation felt I marched myself up to his room, knocked on the locked door, and asked,

“Have I done something wrong?” I believe he had been asleep until the knocking woke him as John had mumbled none discreetly for a time before asking me to repeat myself.

To my surprise, John opened the door, his mussed hair confirming he had been asleep.

“I’ve been asking myself the same question for a month.” Again, this confused me. Why would John think he had done something wrong?

When reflecting upon my own behaviour, I had to conclude it wasn’t the most unreasonable assumption to make. To be honest, I was under the supposition John had read my last blog post and understood at least in part what I was doing. Perhaps that had been why he decided to do the same. John has always been rather vocal about his sexuality, or at least the ‘not gay,’ part of his sexuality. I thought John might find it a relief that I was trying to separate myself from him, to reorganise my emotions for him. To stop all the pesky and idiotic feelings slipping through the cracks of friendship and into the realms of something else. He never did read the post.

I was frustrated, annoyed, and overall just bloody tired. I felt like shooting the walls just to hear the echoes of a deafening crack and add to the entropy of the system which was Baker Street. I felt like throwing something out a window just to watch the perfect parabola of its trajectory. I wanted to scream. I felt like doing drugs. Before John, I likely would have. Yet this time he was the cause of my frustration, the case I was yet to crack. How could one balance the possibility of wanting something, with the reality of having it when the likely outcome would just be losing it?

I did none of these things. Instead, I was idiotically, frustratingly, illogically human.

I hugged John, my body hitting his with such force we both swayed and almost toppled. Until that moment, if you asked me I would say it was impossible to knock the anger out of someone but in that hug, I could practically feel all of John’s indignation and soldier-like repose fall away.

He asked me if I was okay. This adds additional evidence to the theory that John believes my affection is somehow connected with a vulnerable mental-state. However, this time he wasn’t wrong. I shook my head. I was frustrated, beyond frustrated and I was angry, so unbelievably angry. With my body hunched over and my face buried in John’s shoulder, I came to realise the person I was angry with was myself.

How dare I ruin this. This one thing, this one person who I felt like I could truly connect with and talk to, who I could frustrate without having him leave. I know I’m a hard man to get along with but if anyone in the world was up to the challenge, it would be John Watson and this last frustrating mess of sentimentality was going to ruin it all. The feelings had interwoven themselves in my veins, my heart, my throat. There was no way of killing the parasitic emotions without also killing the host. So, what does one do? I had been delaying the inevitable.

I pulled away from John, knowing I wouldn’t want to be touching him when I ruined everything. I didn’t want to feel the shift between having him and losing him occur beneath my fingertips. I wanted distance from it. The truth was the only way to solve the case. I had all the pieces of my part of the puzzle, but like all our cases, the puzzle was also John’s. He had his own invaluable information, which he couldn’t give without seeing the scope of the problem.

“Thou art too dear for my possessing,” I told him, hoping he would understand.

It was too heartfelt. Of course, not as heartfelt and cliché as the three other words I considered. Those would make matters too concrete.

John had let out a short exhalation of breath. It was something between a huff of indignation and a sigh of disbelief. I know John’s facial expressions in fine detail. In my mind, there is an entire index dedicated to John’s micro-expressions. He’s the type of man who can give you paragraphs in one quirk of the brow. I watched several emotions pass across John’s face in the space of a second. Concern, frustration, confusion, and at last, something like hope.

“You would do this in the most confusing way possible,” John had breathed.

He didn’t sound angry or confused as I assumed he would. He sounded amused but his hand rubbed over the back of his neck in a self-soothing gesture. He was nervous.

“You can’t just quote stuff at me Sherlock and expect me to get it. I can’t read your mind. Not with this. Explain it to me, walk me through it. I can tell you’re upset about something.”

I’m sure I interrupted him. I was not upset. ‘Upset’ was a petulant and child-like emotion. I refused to have it. With no other options left I began to explain my feelings to John. I won’t recount exactly what I said here. It is always best to hold ones’ cards close to their chest. However, as I spoke I watched John’s expression soften. It was a look I hadn’t seen before. A truly rare sight. I wanted to take a photo of it and compare it to all the other looks John had given me over the years to determine where it fit. I needed to know what he was thinking but in the end, I didn’t have to solve John’s emotions. He crossed the distance between the two of us and he kissed me. He hadn’t yet brushed his teeth or shaved, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.

“You’re an idiot,” He told me. This is the only time I will ever except someone using that term in relation to myself as the words that followed truly made me feel idiotic.

“I feel the same way about you. You daft git.”

“But you’re not-” I’m unsure how I finished my speech. For once in my life, I felt miles behind. I needed clarification. I needed more data. This situation was beyond understanding. Never had I even entertained the hypothesis John would want something more between the two of us.

“And you’re married to your work.” John had remarked back.

It became clear we needed to talk, something we’ve never been good at and so we did, long into the afternoon. We sat on John’s bed and we talked. We solved the case, which was our relationship together. It’s still a bit of a muddled affair but we both agreed that the idea of developing a closer relationship was a desirable outcome. The best word for it, I suppose, is partners. After all, John and I have always been partners.

S.H.

#sherlock #bbc sherlock #johnlock #fan fiction #john watson #Sherlock Holmes

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thirteenisles · 4 years

Text

Can’t Say We’re Friends | 8

A/N: So I switched to using Anthony’s name because it just makes things a lot cleaner, although I pepper in his nickame. I will be going back to old chapters and editing those this weekend (I actually have full weekends off now I could cry)! Anyway, I actually re-wrote this whole chapter and it turned out a whole lot better than it was originally. Also, I think you guys will be very happy with this part, but next weeks is the one to look out for, it’s one I’ve been working on for a while.

Warnings: feelings and confessions are made

Word Count: 2.6K

As September begins, things slowly go back to normal for Evelyn and Anthony. They fall back into their daily routines and go back to having their weekly dinners and movie night, making up for the time the lost over the summer.

And with preseason coming closer and fall fashion week beginning in New York City, Evelyn and Anthony could focus on their careers. Anthony felt that perhaps this would their year for the cup and he felt more confident than ever that this would be a great season for him. Now that Derick had signed, he knew they had a capable player that would produce more goals for their team.

Speaking of Derick, he was going to be moving in and the only thing was, Evelyn wasn’t aware of this yet. Quick to volunteer, Anthony offered to house Derick for a few weeks until he had a place of his own, without consulting the opinion of his best friend.

When he arrived home from practice she was curled up on the couch in one of his sweatshirts, reading. She looked so peaceful, hair pulled away from her face, reading glasses perched on the edge of her nose. Anthony smiles as she looks up at him with a smile of her own.

“Hey, I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Yeah, just got home. No work today?”

“I did, FaceTimed a few clients, and queued up some blog posts.” She takes her glasses off and places them on the table, “Come sit down with me.”

Maneuvering herself on the couch so her feet now rest on the table, Anthony comes over and lays down, placing his head in her lap. His eyes immediately flutter shut as her fingers card through his hair. He had missed this, the comfortable domestic intimacy that they always shared, mostly though, he had missed being with her.

“I have something to tell you.”

“Hm?” She hums softly, “What’s that?”

“I invited Derick to come stay with us for a few weeks. I hope that’s ok with you.” He opens one eye, nervous about her reaction.

Evelyn laughs softly, “You really thought I’d be mad about that? He is your friend, isn’t he? And your teammate as well. It’s no problem, our house is big enough to host another guest.”

“I felt bad for not telling you first.”

“Last time I checked it's your house and-”

“-Ours.” He corrects her.

“Our house,” the corners of her mouth tick up, ”but I’ve grown up with you. I know how this goes. Besides, you have always been excited at the thought of housing players and luckily this one is already a friend.”

“So you’re ok with it?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? He’s a friend of yours so by default he is a friend of mine. I am looking forward to meeting him and getting to know him.” She taps his cheek with her fingers.

He takes her hand and brings it to his mouth, kissing it softly, “Thanks for being so understanding. This is why you’re the best Evee.” He misses the way her cheeks heat up as he lets go of her hand and her fingers start running through his hair again.

“Anything for you.”

Derick moves in a few days later and he’s a perfect addition to their small and dysfunctional family— and the best part was he knew how to use the washing machine without breaking it. He’s quiet a lot of the time, but he keeps good conversation once you get him talking, and he’s a mean cook in the kitchen as well. Between practices, he’d either be on his phone in his room or helping Evelyn with any projects around the house.

He’s observant though and that’s one thing that both Evelyn and Anthony miss — he doesn’t miss the way they look and act around each other though. Derick is quick to realize this is the girl that Anthony fretted over during the summer and from the bits and pieces of information he’s gathered from a few of his new teammates, that their relationship is a lot more complicated than it should be.

They acted way too much like a couple for two people who claimed they weren’t. Sure, best friends could be affectionate and cuddly with one another, but it was different when it came to them. Anthony would always be up first and immediately make a cup of tea for Evelyn while he was making coffee for himself. He’d periodically head into her office or would text her when he knew she was working to remind her to eat something. Evelyn would always pick out his game-day suits, in fact, Derick noticed how much Anthony valued her opinion when it came to his clothing and not just because his best friend was a stylist. She also always made sure that his bags were packed and he had everything he needed for his trips. It was small little things that seemed so minuscule, but those little things added up to the bigger picture — that there was a lot more to their friendship than what it seemed.

Their first pre-season game was scheduled in a few days and to celebrate, Anthony had suggested that they go out and explore the town, mostly for Derick’s sake so he could get familiar with the area.

Derick walks a few feet behind Evelyn and Anthony, they’re engrossed in their own conversation. The two of them start messing around, Anthony poking Evelyn in her side, and her shrieking and trying to get him back. It goes on for a few minutes before Evelyn jumps on Anthony’s back, burying her face in his neck, shaking with giggles. Anthony hoists her up higher, holding onto her thighs as they continue their walk down the street, carrying her with ease.

Eventually, they come across a small coffee shop and decide to stop in and get a little something.

With his arm around her waist and her arms wrapped around his middle, anyone would mistake them for a couple as they stand in line for coffee. Evelyn rattles off her order to Anthony, who bats her hand away when she tries to pay hand him money, he just kisses the top of her head and tells her to put it away.

At a corner table near the back, Lily writes up a case for a client when she notices them. She tilts her head in confusion as she sips at her coffee, last she had remembered, Evelyn and Anthony were no longer on good terms, clearly, that has changed as the two of them stand close and share a laugh. It was none of her business, but it was striking her curious. This was the girl that he claimed was his best friend, but his body language spoke volumes. He only had eyes for her, his hand on the small of her back, and occasionally he’d lean into her with a smile on his face.

Lily picks up her stuff, she is overthinking again and will be late for a meeting if she doesn’t leave now. As she’s leaving she thinks that perhaps she had misread things, but she wasn’t going to get upset over it, she had no reason to do so.

Over the top of Evelyn’s head, Anthony feels a pair of eyes on him, but as he turns and looks the only thing he spots is a familiar blonde leaving the coffee shop, but he can’t tell who it exactly was. It probably wasn’t anyone important anyway, he thinks as they leave, coffee in hand.

It’s none of his business, Derick thinks to himself, but he watches as Anthony kisses Evelyn’s cheek before he leaves for a morning run, he wants to know where she stands on this matter. So he waits a few minutes after the front door closes, he seizes his opportunity.

“You know I never got a chance to thank you for letting me stay here.”

“Oh, you’re welcome. We’re both happy to have you here.” She cracks a few eggs and starts mixing them, “Omelette?”

“Yes, please. How long and you and Beau known each other?”

“Since we were six, he was my next-door neighbor, we grew up together.”

He smiles, “Ah, so it must have been an easy transition from friends to lovers then.”

She chokes, face going bright red as she shakes her head, “Oh, no, no it’s nothing like that at all. He’s my best friend.”

Derick rests his head in his hand, “So you are single then?”

“Erm, yeah, pretty much. Why is someone asking?”

“I’m checking for a friend and you know I’m just surprised by that because from an outsider perspective you and Beau just seem to be way more than just best friends.”

“Well, …we are. Everyone reads way too much into things, we’re close as two people who’ve grown up together would be.”

He raises his eyebrows in disbelief, “Yet, I don’t miss the way you two look at one another. Come on Evelyn, it’s clear as day to anyone that there is something going on here. You know you can talk to me right? I am not going to run around telling your secrets.”

Laughing nervously, she waves him off, “Seriously, you’re like the rest of the team, reading into something that simply isn’t there, now do you want vegetables in yours or no? Beau won’t touch the mushrooms, so you’re welcome to have those if you want.”

“Mushrooms, please. But seriously, there’s nothing going on between the two of you?”

“Nope.” She pops the p, focusing on making breakfast now. “Now are we done with the questions?”

“I was only asking because I know how Beau feels about you.” Derick takes a sip of his orange juice watching for her reaction.

“How he….feels about me?”

“Yeah, I’m good at reading faces Evelyn and it’s pretty obvious. He doesn’t have to say a word, I can see he’s crazy about you.”

“He’s crazy about me? No, come on now, you’re just messing with me.” But Derick doesn’t miss the dusting of pink on her cheeks or the ways her eyes lit up with hope.

“Wish I was, but he really does look at you like you hung the moon like you’re his everything.”

She shakes her head, “You sound like everyone else, there is nothing going on between Beau and I. We’re best friends, that’s it.” She plates his food and hands it to him and busies herself with preparing another omelet.

“You can’t even look at me when you say that Evelyn, how can I believe you if you can’t look me dead in the eye and tell me “we’re just friends”? Because I think I know the answer, you love him.”

Evelyn pauses cutting the vegetables, looking out the window for a moment, “He doesn’t know.”

“And he doesn’t have to know right now, but you can talk to me about it.”

From the beginning, she lays out the truth. Their drunken Vegas wedding, them faking a relationship in front of their parents, her stupid drunk behavior, her jealousy, and her ex-boyfriend therapist who sat her down and opened her eyes to the truth that was in front of her the whole time. As she speaks her voice waivers and tears line her eyes, but she remains composed as she spills her heart out.

“I know this is a tough decision for you guys, but can I give some advice to you?” He waits till she nods before he continues, “You’ve probably heard this more than once, but you should come clean about how you feel. I’m pretty sure he feels the same and maybe the reason he’s never told you is because he’s afraid of how you’re going to react.”

“Beau sees me as a friend and that’s that.”

“Are you sure about that though?” The front door opens and Anthony calls out that he’s back.

“Yes.” And that’s the end of that conversation.

Now that pre-season was in full effect, Derick and Anthony were putting in all their attention into playing. Derick was already showing signs of having a successful season, scoring two goals and Anthony felt that he was performing better and clearly was a given since Trotz was letting him have more ice time. Despite the fact that they lived together now, Derick and Anthony haven’t hung out much on their own, until tonight. With Evelyn in the city attending to a client, the two boys had the house to themselves.

“Can I ask you something?”

Anthony turns and looks at Derick, “Yeah, shoot.”

“Did you ever tell Evelyn how you feel?” He pauses, gauging his reaction, “Judging by the look you’re giving me, I’m going to go no.”

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Anthony leans back against the couch, “It’s complicated, but we’re just friends.”

“Could have fooled me, I see the way she looks at you.”

This seems to pique his interest, “Looks at me? Looks at me how?”

Derick shrugs, sipping his beer, “She gets this sparkle in her eye and there is nothing but love and adoration when she looks at you.” He waits for Anthony to process that before he continues, “But you guys are just friends, right? Nothing more than best friends, so that probably doesn’t mean anything to you.

Groaning into his hands, he gives in, “that’s the thing, she is my best friend. Evelyn means everything to me. I don’t want to lose her by telling her how I feel. I’m pretty sure Evelyn is back together with Eric anyway. She’s been weird around me lately and I know she’s texting him. She probably doesn’t want to tell me because she knows I’m not his biggest fan.”

“I can assure you, she’s not dating Eric”

Surprised, Anthony looks at him, “how do you know that?”

“I asked her if she was seeing anyone. She flushed the brightest red color, it was adorable. But she’s single, but she has her eye on someone.” Derick takes a sip of his beer, eyeing Anthony. He watches as Anthony’s face screws up in displeasure at the information and it looks like he’s racking his brain to figure out who this person could be. Derick sighs and turns back to the movie, the poor kid really was clueless.

“Do you know who it is?”

“Who she has her eye on?” Derick nods slowly, choosing his next words carefully, “Yeah. She’s known him for a while now they’re quite close.”

“Fuck.” Anthony breathes out, “I should have known.” Derick wishes he could tell him the truth.

“You should say something to her then.”

“I wanna shout it from the rooftops how I feel about Evelyn, God, I am so in love with her and I want to be with her, but — “

“Why are you letting fear hold you back from something that would be great for both of you? We’ve had this conversation before. You can’t lose something that wasn’t yours in the first place. Don’t live the rest of your life in regret because you never told her.”

Anthony just nods before he turns away and focuses on the movie that’s playing. He knows that Derick is right, fear IS holding him back from saying how he feels. Just before he could dive deeper into his thoughts, Evelyn walks in through the front door. Anthony makes eye contact with Derick, who gets up, “I think you know what to do.”

#anthony beauvillier #tito beauvillier #anthony beauvillier imagine #tito beauvillier imagine #nhl fic #nhl imagine #hockey fic #hockey imagine #new york islanders #nyi

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allie1804-fan · 4 years

Text

Please Assist Me (Chapter 3)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

He said

Not long after that conversation with Alex, it was the party for my mom. Karina had insisted that Sophia and the kids come given the work she’d put into planning it and it was an informal affair with other kids coming and some entertainment laid on for them in the hotel gardens. After the meal, I caught up with Sophia as she needed to go through some travel requirements with me. Once that was sorted out, the conversation turned to some books she’d ordered for me and how I was getting on with them.

“So how’s the Dostoevsky?” she asked

“Oh I’m not onto that yet, I’ve read it before but I lost my copy. I thought I’d take it on the trip – something to pass the hours in the lounge and on the plane”

“Would you recommend it? I’ve not read any of his before”

“Oh yeah, it’s amazing, the characters are so real – it’s kind of dense, you know, but worth the effort. What do you like to read?”

“Oh well, I don’t read enough. It’s hard to find time with the kids - Javier really didn’t like me reading either”

“What! Why?”

“Oh because once I start I can’t stop! You know if we were on holiday and I took a book, I’d just be, poor company I guess and he doesn’t read – not fiction anyway so, I guess it was one of the many things we didn’t agree on!”

“Well that’s his loss! So you never said, what you like I mean”

“Oh, classics I guess like Jane Austen and Hardy. And some new stuff – you know, thrillers like “Gone Girl” and I did just read a new book, the sequel to The Handmaid’s Tale, “The Testaments”

“Oh right, good?”

“yeah really good – just as disturbing as the first but also a gripping tale, almost an adventure really, you know wondering what will become of each character you follow”

We carried on talking books and screen adaptations. It was really the first time we’d talked about something other than her work tasks and I enjoyed it. It got my thoughts drifting back to what Alex had said.

The trip I was going on was in New York for 4 days - it was a casting trip where I’d be meeting up with Anja, a casting director to finalise a few roles for a future project.

We had fun and the casting was successful. I enjoyed Anja’s company and I noticed that she was being a little flirty. There was no time for more than an informal bite in New York but she grasped the bull by the horns and suggested we go out when we got back to LA.

I agreed – I guess I was trying to shake off Alex’s words and thought that maybe a relationship with her would be more appropriate than starting something with Sophia - after-all, I didn’t even know if there was a chance Sophia could like me in that way.

I couldn’t think where to go for our bite so ended up suggesting that we have a low key meal at my place. I texted Sophia, asking for help again with the prep though I can’t deny feeling a certain awkwardness about doing that after what Alex had said about my possible feelings for her.

After the casting trip, I arrived back home from New York in the early hours of Friday, earlier than I’d planned and headed straight for bed. I’d hopefully be able to thank Sophia later when she came over with the groceries that I needed for the meal the next day.

She Said

I remember when things started to get complicated in my heart. We’d had such a nice chat about books at his mum’s party and he’d given me a hug to thank me for my efforts on his behalf with sorting all the arrangements. By now, I definitely felt like he was a friend as well as my boss.

Shortly after the party, Keanu went to New York to do some casting sessions. I got a text from him the day before his planned return asking for some help with another dinner. He didn’t say who was coming which led me to believe it must be a woman. For the other meals I had helped him with he’d always made a point to say who the guests were (how many, their names etc) Maybe it was the casting lady from the trip – he’d said she was also based in LA.

My feelings were unnameable - at least I didn’t want to name them as they made me ashamed. There was a mix of the protective in there but also jealousy for sure. I scolded myself for my crazy feelings.

It only got worse when I went to the house to make sure everything was fine there, feed the fish etc. There were some clothes on a clothes airer in the kitchen that I’d thrown in the washer for him after he left. I folded them and headed to his room, opening the door without a care only to find the room in semi darkness and Keanu lying asleep on the bed. He was on his back and I was fairly sure he was naked. The sheets barely covered his modesty and I almost dropped the laundry at the sight. I turned on my heal quick as a flash to get away in case I’d disturbed him enough to wake him.

I felt hot - my thoughts flitting between wondering why he was home already and marvelling at his lovely body.

I headed back to the kitchen with the laundry pile and distracted myself by making a start on the food prep for his meal tomorrow. About an hour later a sleepy Keanu emerged, surprised to see me standing chopping onions at the island

“Sophia, I thought you were coming later. Everything OK?”

“Yeah, all fine” I reassured him “I just couldn’t get a sitter for the kids after school and I thought it would be better to get this done on my own, without the rug rats causing mayhem”

“Oh sure. I came home earlier ……….” He stated

“Yes I know” I replied a blush rising in my cheeks” and I couldn’t help but glance in the direction of the laundry pile

“There’s some laundry there for you - I didn’t want to …… disturb you by bringing it in”

I could see the flush of embarrassment rising up his neck and above his beard

“I took you by surprise didn’t I?”

“Just a bit” I chuckled and the mood relaxed a little

“Sorry” he said rubbing his chin, still blushing.

“No problem. Anyway, I’m all done now so I’ll leave you in peace. Hope your dinner goes well”

“Sure, thanks Sophia, I really appreciate it”

He Said

My dinner date with Anja went really well. She loved the food and we had a lot in common - some of our friendship and professional circles overlapped so the conversation never ran dry. There were still parts to cast for the project so I knew we’d continue to see each other, so there was time for things to develop. I actually got the distinct impression that she wouldn’t have minded if I’d made a move on her then but that wasn’t my style anymore on a first date. I’d got more cautious in my old age - at least that’s what I told myself. In retrospect, I wonder if something else was holding me back. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to get laid but as she left to get her Uber, I just went for the kiss on the cheek and we said we should arrange something else soon - probably after our next casting session in a week or so.

It was the Autumn of 2019 and things were quieter for me workwise though I started to go to the gym regularly knowing the Matrix 4 was around the corner. I didn’t need Sophia so much for household tasks but there was still some travel and for once I started to think about Christmas quite early rather than making a last minute dash to Neiman Marcus on Christmas Eve!

Sophia was once again in her element choosing gifts for my mom and sisters. She’d also built a friendship with Karina after the party for Mom so she was able to check out her ideas for Kim and Mom with her.

Things had moved along with me and Anja too - we’d had 3 or 4 dates and for the next one, I had invited her to mine again for a dinner. Once again I roped in Sophia to help me with shopping, prep and baking a pudding. She was going to bake me her fabulous brownies which I’d tried when she left me one as a little treat one day. It was in a cute little container with a post it on it saying “eat me!”

I’d returned the favour but not with food, leaving her my recently re-read copy of “The Brothers Karamazov” on the kitchen counter with a post-it saying “read me!”

Anyway, after tasting her heavenly brownie I knew it would be perfect for the meal I had planned. and she baked it at my house so it would be super-fresh, leaving the kitchen smelling enticing.

I served a simple steak for our meal with asparagus and baked Portobello mushrooms. Anja was full of praise for the main and thrilled with the brownie, closing her eyes and making yummy noises that made my groin contract and my pants tighten.

“For that you have Sophia to thank, not me!” I admitted.

“Your PA bakes for you?”

I chuckled

“Yes she is quite the multi-tasker! I basically defined the role myself so it covers many of the standard PA things and a few unique extras”

“Like what?” Anja enquired, a quizzical look on her face

As I described the things she did, Anja started laughing

“So basically, you designed the job of a 50s wife without the complication of a relationship?”

I blushed bright red at that, especially as exactly that thought had crossed my mind when I decided I needed a PA”

I held my hand up

“You caught me! Anyway, put it this way, she’s made my daily life a whole lot easier”

“Well thank her from me for the delicious brownie”

“I’ll be sure to - so shall we go through to the living room to digest?”

Anja gladly accepted and I was thrilled to be changing the subject from my 50s wife/ PA! We took our wine through and settled on the sofa, deciding to listen to some music. I invited Anja to look through my vinyl collection and pick something. She was about 10 years my junior so we hadn’t grown up with the same music - I had to describe various bands to help her pick something. It wasn’t exactly the right atmosphere for the Pixies or Ramones! She picked the Doors which was very chill - we snuggled up and I nestled my face into her hair. Slowly she tilted her neck to the side, an unspoken invitation to nibble her neck which I gladly did and soon we were kissing. We’d kissed before but this time I could feel that it was leading somewhere which was only confirmed when Anja shifted to straddle me. I grasped her ass and pulled her closer, whispering in her ear that maybe we should move things to the bedroom.

Once in the bedroom, Anja and I made short work of removing our clothes and were very soon having sex, I say that very specifically as it wasn’t making love, at least not for me. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it and she said she did too but I’ve never felt so disconnected or remote whilst having sex. Anja is beautiful too and a nice person but some level of spark was definitely lacking. I could feel myself looking ahead to my new year schedule and using the excuse of being away to put a lid on things. That made me feel shitty and ashamed.

She Said

Through November, my role continued as usual as did my regular contact with my boss as we checked off the Christmas gifts and I supported him in keeping his home running smoothly. By then, he was dating his casting agent Anja which I knew from the gossip rags as well as direct from the horse’s mouth as he’d got me to bake him my brownie for a dinner he’d had at home with her.

I wasn’t sure what to make of it really – I couldn’t put my finger on it but something seemed a bit off Maybe it was the way he talked about her or more how he didn’t. You could always tell when he was passionate about something, whether it was a book, a meal, a project and so I assumed that would carry over to people - it did with his family. Maybe he was just being guarded but, as I said, we were on very friendly terms by then so I did wonder how into her he really was.

It turned out that Karina suspected the same. We’d met up for a coffee to look at gift ideas for their mother when she brought it up.

“So what do you think’s going on with Ke and this Anja woman?”

“What?!” I spluttered, surprised that she was gossiping with me about her big brother.

“Oh you must know, you know everything” she smirked

“I do not!” I protested.

“I bet you know if she’s slept over”

I blushed as she was right. I did know. I’d seen the tell tale signs after I’d made the brownie for them - I had spotted a couple of her things left in his bathroom when putting fresh toiletries in his vanity unit in the bathroom.

I swallowed and told her what I knew.

“Let’s just say that I loaned him the book “Normal People” a few weeks back - and I don’t think he needs a book right now for satisfaction if you know what I mean!”

She nodded, grinning.

“Do you think it’s serious”

“Come on! I can’t say, I know I’ve worked for him for almost a year now but we don’t talk about that kind of stuff and I don’t know him well enough to judge”

“Oh, I think you do, if he was in love, you’d know”

“I don’t know about that!” I blushed secretly knowing she was probably right. I could read him pretty well by now.

“Well I do, I’ve seen you together, you know him now. I mean what was the first personal thing you did for him?”

“Buy Kim that coffee set, I guess”

“Yes, and when he talked about Kim, you knew right away, didn’t you?, how very much he loves her and how important it was because he talked about her with passion. I remember you telling me that and how he briefed you for my tagine and Mom’s party.

“Yeah, yes I guess you have a point”

“And how does he talk about her?”

“Like….” I pondered a few seconds “like a colleague” I admitted.

“Exactly, he’s just getting laid if you ask me and it won’t last come the new year when he’s off to San Fran”

I shrugged. It wasn’t my affair to worry about.

“Well they’re grown-ups aren’t they – hopefully neither of them will get hurt” I said glad to close the topic. I felt like I was talking out of turn even though it was with his sister.

@fortheloveoffanfic @kindainlovewithkeanu @omg-imagine @iworshipkeanureeves @fics-not-tragedies @ficsnroses @keanureevesisbae @penwieldingdreamer @witty-wallflower @paperplanesandwallflowers @bitchyslut99 @ladyreapermc @toomanystoriessolittletime @fanficsrusz @keanuficfiles

#keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves fanfiction #keanu #keanu reeves #romance with boss

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trashcanreddiefan · 4 years

Text

The 1st Annual Losers' Club Christmakkah Celebration

Summary: The Losers gather for their first annual Christmakkah celebration. Several announcements are made, and Richie’s Christmas wish just may come true.

Word Count: 2800-ish

Warnings: None whatsoever. This is pure fluff.

Author’s Note: Post-Chapter 2. All of the Losers are alive in this fic, including Stan, because canon can suck it.

1st in a (at least) 3-part series where the Losers take turns hosting Christmakkah.

CROSS-POSTED AT AO3.

Bzz bzzz. Bzzz bzzz. Bzzz Bzzz. Bzzz bzzz.

Richie Tozier groaned and picked his phone up off of his nightstand, squinting at it in the harsh early morning light and smiling sleepily when he saw that new messages were flooding in in the Losers’ group text thread.

Benverly (Bev): First annual Loser’s Club Non-denominational Holiday Celebration at Ben’s house on December 24th!

Benverly (Ben): OUR house, Bev.

Benverly (Bev): Our house. :-*

Benverly (Ben): I love being able to say that.

Micycle: Can’t wait!

Billiam: Audra and I will definitely be there!

Staniel: Patty and I will be there.

Eds: I’m coming.

Richie waited until everyone had confirmed before sending his response. Oh, I don’t know if I can be away from Eds’s mom for that long.

Eddie’s reply immediately came through.

Eds: Dude, you realize the joke no longer works since my mom’s been dead for 12 years, right?

Eds: Also, fuck you.

Richie grinned. Love you too, Eds.

Staniel: Richie, you had better be there or else I’m personally coming get you and dragging your ass to Ben & Beverly’s.

Richie shook his head. I’m kidding, guys, I’ll be at Christmakkah. Honestly, I wouldn’t miss it for anything.

Eds: Good, it wouldn’t be a Losers’ Holiday Celebration without the biggest loser of us all.

Richie snorted with laughter. Ouch, Eds, you wound me. 💀

Eds: Truth hurts, asshole. And that’s still not my name.

Billiam: Christmakkah? Really?

Staniel: Actually, I kind of like it.

Benverly (Ben): Ok, 1st annual Losers’ Christmakkah Celebration at my & Bev’s house then. :)

Everyone had mutually agreed that gifts weren’t necessary, that everyone having made it out of Neibolt alive and It being well and truly dead was gift enough.

Richie was never one to follow the rules, however, which is how he found himself loaded down with gift bags in front of Ben & Beverly’s house 3 weeks later. He rang the doorbell.

A few seconds later the door swung open to reveal Eddie.

Richie blinked. “Hey, Eds.”

A smile spread over Eddie’s face. “Richie, hey. Come on in, everyone’s in the dining room.”

Richie stepped inside and Eddie reached for some of the gift bags. “Here, let me help you with that stuff.”

Richie and Eddie deposited Richie’s gifts in the living room. Once Richie had taken his jacket and gloves off and was settled, Eddie pulled him into a hug. “I’m really glad to see you, man.”

“Same here, Eds. I’ve missed you– I mean I’ve missed all of you. Even though it’s only been a few months. Yeah. Anyway, let’s go in the dining room so I can see everyone else.”

Once they reached the dining room, Richie announced his presence in his usual loud, playful fashion. “Happy Christmakkah, Losers!” he shouted.

“Richie!” came the chorus of replies, followed by hugs and greetings.

Bev rubbed her hands together. “Good, now that you’re here, let’s eat!”

After dinner, everyone gathered in Ben & Bev’s gigantic living room to sit by the fire and socialize. Stan, Patty, Ben, & Bev sat on one sofa, Audra, Bill & Mike were on the other, and Richie and Eddie each sat in the 2 armchairs by the fireplace.

“While we’re all here, Patty and I have a gift for everyone,” Stan announced. “I know we said that we weren’t going to get everyone gifts, but…” he shrugged. “You’ll just have to deal with it.”

He began handing out bags to everyone. “Don’t open them yet.”

Richie fiddled with the tissue paper sticking out of his bag as he waited for Stan to sit back down. “Ok, go ahead,” Stan said.

Richie pulled the tissue paper out and pulled out a white onesie that read “I love my uncle.” He looked around everyone else, who all held the same gift, with Bev’s reading “I love my aunt” instead.

Stan placed a hand over Patty’s stomach. “We’re expecting!” he said excitedly.

Richie jumped up and gave Stan a hug. “Staniel, you old dog, congratulations!” He then turned to Patty, giving her a much gentler hug. “You guys are going to be fucking phenomenal parents, I just know it.”

After everyone had congratulated Stan and Patty, Ben cleared his throat, looking at Bev in silent conversation. Bev tilted her head in affirmation.

Ben got up and grabbed some gift bags from behind the couch. “Here you go, everyone,” Ben said sheepishly, handing them out.

Each bag contained a dual photo frame, one side holding a picture of the Losers’ at 13 and the other holding a more recent group photo that had been taken at the Jade of the Orient before they had all remembered It, and an envelope.

Richie tore his card open. Inside was an engagement announcement.

Bev linked her fingers through Ben’s. “We’re getting married,” she said happily. “We decided to do it while you’re all still here for the holidays since we want the most important people in our lives to be there.”

Another round of congratulations echoed around the room.

Bill spoke up next. “I brought gifts too. No announcement though, at least not unless you count a new book deal.”

Everyone congratulated Bill as he handed his gifts out, Richie good-naturedly teasing him about hoping Bill had finally learned how to write an ending.

“Ok, so I’m assuming no one listened and brought everyone a gift anyway?” Mike said, then nodded when Richie and Eddie both murmured an assent. “In that case I’m going next.”

He handed everyone their gift, then settled back down. “I do have a small announcement – I’ve decided to settle down in Key West. I just closed on a house last week.”

“Next Christmakkah at Mike’s,” Richie said jokingly, unwrapping his gift.

Mike had gifted each Loser with something he had picked up during his travels, Richie’s being a hand-carved wooden turtle.

He glanced at Mike.

“I saw that at a little roadside stand in Arizona and thought of you for some reason,” Mike explained with a shrug.

“I like it,” Richie replied with a nod. “Thanks, man.”

He hadn’t told anyone what he had seen in the deadlights, but he had distinctly remembered seeing a giant turtle right before he fell.

“What about you, Eddie?” Bev asked. “Any announcements?”

Richie studied Eddie’s profile. He looked… calmer than the last time Richie had seen him. Then again, the last time Richie had seen him they had just defeated IT a few days prior, so naturally they were all still a little frazzled.

“Actually, yes,” Eddie replied. “I filed for divorce once I got back to New York. Also, I quit my job. I figure at this point in my life it’s too late to become a doctor, but I’ve decided to go to nursing school to become a nurse practitioner.”

Richie’s heart sped up. Eddie’s single.

He mentally chastised himself. He's still your best friend, not to mention straight. Don’t fuck it up. He blinked as Eddie dropped a gift bag in his lap.

Eddie had obviously taken great care in selecting each person’s gifts, giving Bill a nice fountain pen and notebook set, Audra a spa certificate, Mike a hardcover coffee table-type book, Ben a vinyl re-release of New Kids on the Block’s Hanging Tough album, Bev a silk scarf that she had offhandedly mentioned wanting during a Losers’ Skype session a few months prior, Stan a book on exotic birds of Moldavia or something (Richie wasn’t quite sure) and Patty a broach with a hummingbird on it.

Richie carefully opened his gift, pulling out a leather jacket very similar to the one he had lost in the sewers. He softly stroked it.

Eddie had been watching him. “Thought you could use a replacement,” he said.

“Thanks, Eds.”

Richie realized belatedly that it was his turn. His mouth went dry. He almost blurted out that he didn’t have anything for anyone and that he had absolutely nothing to say, but Eddie had helped him haul his gifts in so he knew that wouldn’t work.

He stood and hurriedly passed out everyone’s gift bags. “Uh, my gift is also an announcement and this was the best way I could figure out how to do it, so…” He made a ‘go on’ motion with his hands. “Ok, go ahead.”

Each Loser (with Stan and Patty receiving one bag) pulled out a CD single of “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross.

Richie studied each Loser’s expression as they looked at their gift. Ben, Bill, and Mike all looked confused, Bev had a slow smile spreading on her face, Stan was shaking his head while trying to hold back laughter, (the fucker, he probably knew back when we were kids –) and Eddie… well for once in his life Richie couldn’t read Eddie’s expression. He took a deep breath. “So yeah, um, surprise! I’m gay.” He did a little ‘tah-dah’ motion with his hands as an emphasis. “I’m gonna come out publicly soon but it was important to me to tell you guys first.”

Stan was the first one to move, standing and wrapping Richie in a hug. “I’m proud of you, Rich,” he said.

“Yeah, yeah, I mean somebody’s gotta be the cool gay uncle to the next generation of Losers,” Richie joked, holding back tears as the rest of the Losers embraced him.

He sniffled. “Ok, as much as I’m enjoying this mostly beefcake-filled love fest, I, uh, I need some air. I’ll be back in a few.”

Richie quickly detached himself from everyone and headed out to Ben and Beverly’s porch.

He had figured everyone would be supportive of him, but it had still been overwhelming. He took a few deep breaths in order to collect himself then froze as he heard a voice behind him.

“Hey Rich, you ok?” Eddie.

Richie sniffled and cleared his throat. “Yeah, man, I’m fine. Just needed a minute.”

Eddie walked up next to him. “I uh, I have to tell you something else,” he said quietly. “It’s why I divorced Myra.” He shook his head. “I mean, obviously I wasn’t happy, but there was more to it than just that.”

Richie fought the urge to make a joke about Eddie realizing his Oedipus complex. Now’s not the time, Tozier. “Hey, man, your life is your business, if you don’t want to talk about it that’s up to you–”

“I’m in love with you,” Eddie blurted.

Richie blinked. “You’re in what with who now?”

Eddie sighed and looked skyward as if praying for strength.

Richie couldn’t believe his ears. “Ed. Eds. Eddie. I swear to Christ if you’re just fucking with me–”

“Jesus, Richie, do you honestly think I would ever do that–” Eddie spluttered.

“–Because I honestly couldn’t take it if you were.”

Eddie shook his head. “Look, Rich… All these years, it wasn’t just my childhood memories that were missing, it felt like… like part of my soul was gone too. I’d been attracted to a few guys in college – all tall, dark-haired, lanky motherfuckers, but I always felt like I was comparing them to some unknown person so they never worked out. Then I met Myra and she was just so… safe that I buried that part of myself and wound up marrying her, even though I knew I was making a mistake.”

Eddie smiled. “Then about a year ago I caught one of your specials on TV and felt a peace I hadn’t had in years. So I watched all of the shows that I could get my hands on, then I found a bunch of clips of you on YouTube and watched those too. There was something so… familiar about you, even though in the back of my mind I knew something was off - which as it turns out, was that your jokes weren’t really yours.” He huffed out a laugh.

Richie winced. “I’m working on that.”

“Good. You’re much funnier than you give yourself credit for.”

“You think I’m funny?”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, don’t let it go to your head.”

Richie was still processing. What the actual fuck. “So wait, so you're… into dudes?”

Eddie smirked. “Well, I’m certainly not actually into women.”

“And you’re into me in particular.”

“Yes.”

Richie still didn’t quite get it. “Why?”

Judging by Eddie’s reaction Richie realized he hadn’t just thought it, but had said it out loud.

“Because, Rich, you’re you. You never made fun of me because of my hypochondria, you always protected me when Bowers would give us shit, and no matter how bad things got at home I always knew I could go to you and you wouldn’t ask any questions and would let me stay as long as I needed. You’re my best friend and I always loved the way you made me feel when I was around you. At first I thought it was perfectly normal to feel for your friends like I felt about you, but as we got older and I started to analyze it I realized that I didn’t feel about any of the others in quite the same way. You were always joking around and acting like you didn’t give a shit about what anyone said, and I wanted to be like that… You made me want to be brave.”

Richie’s heart cracked. “Eds. I’ve told you before. You are brave. You’re one of the bravest people I know.”

Eddie shook his head. “I wasn’t though. For the longest time I was terrified to admit it to myself, but after everything that happened this year I knew I was finally brave enough to tell you. I love you, Rich. I’ve loved you since we were 12 years old, and when I turned and saw you at the Jade the final pieces of the puzzle sort of slotted back into place. I knew I couldn’t go back to New York and keep living life the way I had been, but I also felt like I couldn’t tell you how I felt about you while I was still married. It wasn’t fair to you or to Myra. So when I got home I told Myra as much as I could, and we mutually agreed to separate. The divorce was finalized last week.”

“Fuck, Eddie…” Richie couldn’t believe it. Eddie loves me. Eddie LOVES me. Holy fucking shit, EDDIE loves ME.

Eddie was still talking. “And I mean it’s fine, I know just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you’re into me, and if you didn’t feel the same back then or even now it’s okay because– mmph.”

Before Richie could even process what he was doing he had pulled Eddie to him and had slotted his lips over Eddie’s.

Eddie’s lips were just as soft as Richie had always imagined. I see he’s still using Chapstick religiously, he thought, moaning as Eddie nipped his bottom lip then soothed the bite with his tongue while his hands reached up to tangle themselves into Richie’s unruly hair.

He briefly detatched himself from Eddie’s lips. “I love you too, Eds,” he breathed. “I loved you before I even knew what love was and I’ve loved you every day since. You’re it for me.”

Eddie let out a growl and pulled him back in, immediately deepening the kiss.

Oh Jesus Christ yes, PLEASE. Richie would’ve happily stayed right there on Ben and Bev’s porch making out with Eddie all night, but unfortunately he was outside in 30-degree weather without a coat. He shivered.

Eddie pulled back. “Christ, Richie, you’re freezing. Come on, let’s go inside with the others.”

Richie held him back. “Wait, wait, Eds. How exactly is this going to work? We live on opposite sides of the country.”

Eddie bit his lip. “I um, actually I didn’t exactly say where I was going to school either.” He glanced up at Richie. “I enrolled at UCLA.”

A smile bloomed on Richie’s face. “Really? You’re moving to L.A.?”

“Yeah, I mean UCLA has a great nursing program and I needed a change of scenery anyway, so I figured the west coast would be a good choice…”

Richie thought about his cold, empty house in Beverly Hills. Here goes nothing. “So, do you like, have a house or apartment or anything yet?”

Eddie shook his head. “No, not yet. I’m looking into apartments near campus but I haven’t found anything yet.”

“Because you know you can totally come stay with me while you look for a place, or… even better, just move in with me permanently.” Richie bit his lip. “Because like I said, you’re it for me, Eds. You’ve always been it for me. You’ll always be it for me.”

Eddie was silent for a few moments, appearing to be weighing his options. Finally he said, “Okay.”

Richie’s heart leapt. “Okay?”

Eddie grinned. “Yeah. Okay. Because you’re it for me too, you know.”

“Well in that case…” Richie grabbed Eddie’s hand, dragging him inside. “HEY, EVERYONE! WE HAVE ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT!”

#Richie x Eddie #Reddie #tcrf writes

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homestuckcontroversyin2020 · 4 years

Text

My Opinions on The Epilogues

So I expect that this isn’t going to go over too well, whether it be because I get absolutely zero attention on this post, or for the fact that I’m literally typing up what is probably a hate post that’ll spark up some, “Oh fuck you.” comments. Either way, I don’t really care about the possible hate to be garnered or anything. I’m here to state my opinion on this, and opinions can’t kill anyone when you’re as weak at arguing as I myself am. Now, this isn’t a fucking logical article, I’m not taking time with comprehensive research and making sure I fact check every little detail because that would involve reading Homestuck for and eighth time and re-reading the Epilogues so I have the biggest refresher in the world. I’m not doing that, so take my sub-par rambles.

Preface over, let’s get into the meat.

My original thought when I heard that the Epilogues came out was initially an eye roll big enough to be like when Hulk smashed Loki in the ground. An arch of, “What the fuck, Hussie.” In other words? I didn’t want to read them. I spent the first few days in agony, complaining about how Homestuck was probably just becoming a money grab, and hearing from other people about the content that came out.

It.. wasn’t as bad as I expected when I jumped into it. People made a bigger deal about them than I thought was even insanely possible. Let me get this out of the way. I don’t hate the Epilogues. Do I think they were poorly done? Yes. Do I think that the writing was subpar? Absolutely. Do I think that fourteen year olds in their bedroom typing away at shitty fanfiction or roleplaying smut on MxRP/MSPARP have a better grasp on the characterization of each individual character than the people who took over and wrote the Epilogues? 10000%. Still, I thought they were a clever addition to alternate timelines. I had heard from a source they were meant to be a satirical take on fanfiction, and was a mocking poke at the Homestuck community... until Beyond Canon came out.

So here we are now with an 18 year old who’s spent their time on this planet obsessing over Homestuck since before they could read cuss words without feeling embarrassed telling you about how they’re pissed off with some small things that are of no value.

I’m an Alpha Kid Stan(TM) so everything that happened to my sweet babies has made me want to blow my brains out over the walls. Let’s go down the line.

Jane, sweetheart? Who hurt you? Now, I’ll be honest, I rushed through the Epilogues in my, ‘fuck I don’t want to read this but I feel like I need to in order to satiate my burning curiosity.’ mode. Jane’s whole... situation seems really fucked up to me. The color of her text in the EPs is another thing that pissed me off beyond belief, and I’m not sure why. The consistency between comic and canon was draining on my nerves. Jane, in Homestuck, is a whiny teen, but in no way do I look at her and see racist Hitler. Also, what the fuck was up with the clown thing? Why did she have an obsession with fucking Jake? Sure, she was into him before, but wasn’t part of her character arch getting over the buck toothed bangaroo? I thought so. I also thought that Jane was, you know, just a normal girl living her best life. She sure complained, but who doesn’t?? The Jane we’re given in the Epilogues seems to lack the internal dilemmas that the dear, sweet Crocker we’ve grown fond of does. There’s barely a hit of self hate, she doesn’t blow up, and sure we could possibly count this to her being older, but, what? She didn’t seem to be pissed off about the entire existence of trolls in Homestuck. Sure, her time with them was minimal and she didn’t really get all the shit through, but she fought side by side with Kanaya, even. I just don’t see it at all.

Jake. Oh boy. This is a big one. In either case, Jake’s whole thing really bothers me. He doesn’t seem like Jake. He seems like a watered down version of himself that doesn’t even make fucking sense? He’s an aloof dork, but he’s not horrendously stupid, there’s no reason to make him an alcoholic, and why the fuck is he an attention seeking slut? Yes, yes. We could blame this all on Dirk but really, what were the authors thinking? They had complete control over what happens in this and they turn Jake into something he’s not. He had other drives and passions than living out his life as the sexy action movie woman we all need in our lives. Jake’s smart to his own degree, stubborn, and kind of a flirt! He’s not insanely oblivious, either. For instance, I recall a specific moment where he insinuates that Jane was having a wet dream about him in Homestuck. I’m not going to find the quote, but I know it’s there. Jake spent time working on the robot rabbit for John with Jade and outright refused help from some outside sources. Jake is smart! He’s got an extensive vocabulary! He’s just a nerd, and he’s more than an uwu gay boy for Mr. Triangles.

Roxy, oh no. This is where I expect to get the most heat. Roxy is a beloved character. The light of my life and the best of the kids, in my opinion. (I’m an avid Dirk Stan, but Roxy has won my heart truly and thoroughly.) I don’t like the whole trans/non-binary thing. Not because I’m transphobic or anything, because I’m absolutely not. It’s because it feels like it just doesn’t fit with her as a character?? Roxy grew up in isolation in a place without humans, you really think she’s going to have an outright conceptualized view on gender roles and norms? Basic fucking psychology would tell you otherwise. This is something that her brain would have trained her to do based on a societal view. I may not have paid a huge ass amount of attention in psychology, but gender is a thing that’s completely up in the air and taught to us. Roxy didn’t have that. You could argue and say that her house has something of the sort that’d lead her to feel that way, or perhaps she’s learned this all off the internet, but her clothes scream femme and she had to make them herself, is all I’m saying. Again, whatever, go off, make Roxy trans. It’s not a huge deal, but that isn’t the only problem I have. Roxy as a character seems to have just lost her spark. There’s little outright love and enjoyment and adoration for her friends that there is in Homestuck. She’s not your hype go get them loving girl. Again, maybe you could blame this on the fact that they’re all older, but getting older isn’t going to drastically impede your previous personality and make you an entirely different person. They essentially turned Roxy into a watered down version of Dave, but trans. It’s like they couldn’t make Dave trans so they just made a new Dave. It’s annoying to me, and that’s my biggest problem. I love Roxy. I don’t care for Epilogue Roxy. If they had done it right, if they had used specific things from Homestuck, if Homestuck itself keyed in on this or ANYTHING, fine. But Roxy was old enough to question her identity, most people do around 16, and she could have had the opportunity to start representing this already. I mean, who was stopping her? Then the baby stuff. Huh? What? Why? Doesn’t make sense, pass. Her bffsy, brother, and person that cared about her most off and yeets himself from the top of the nearest belltower and all she can think about is copulating with John??? Alright, fam.

Onto Dirk. Y’know what? I don’t have many huge problems with Dirk. I found his personality in Meat really funny, I found the death in Candy absolutely soul crushing. Dirk is a good character. I don’t think they did his personality well, but I don’t think they did any of the characters well. Maybe John. Maybe. Dirk really just sounded like a child who wasn’t getting what he wanted, and it was amusing to say the least. He sounded horrible from the way people talked about him before I read it, but I really just found his overzealous ego entertaining. I found the fact that they made him still totally desperate for Jake kind of annoying though. Dirk broke of their relationship. Dirk was the one who took a moment to realize it wasn’t healthy for either of them, and getting what you want isn’t good. Taking over the narrative and making your ex nearly jizz himself in public is hilarious and all, but also, what??

Alright. Alphas. Let’s move onto Betas.

I skipped a lot of it, not going to lie. Rather than breaking it down for each character like I did with the Alphas, I’m just going to ramble and see where the wind takes. me.

I don’t ship Davekat. I don’t see it working in a romantic aspect. I see them being bros, and it felt really forced in both sides of the story. The homoerotic tension could maybe be smelled for a mile away, but lets not forget something very important. Dave has shown interest in women. Dave was interested in Terezi, he called Roxy and Jane hot, he totally fucking jizzed his jeans for Jade. The fact that so many characters in the Epilogues were exclaiming that Dave was gay, and Dave himself leaning towards the sentiment, didn’t seem to really match up. Dave’s not just pretending to like chicks either, he’s definitely interested in them to the point of being genuinely flustered and embarrassed (I.E The Hot Mom conversation.) So, I don’t really enjoy that. I think the economy shit is cute, his alternate counterpart seemed to have a good hand for business according to the spiel that was made about him, I liked it.

Rose? Didn’t pay a lot of attention to her. The drug abuse shit really pissed me off. Rose in general really pissed me off in the Epilogues.

John is a can of worms. His characterization was done well, but I guess I just don’t see the point in the two timeline deals. Also, why did he have sex with Terezi? Why was he so much of a baby when the rest of the people around him apparently seemed to mature? Who knows. I sure as hell don’t.

And... then there’s Jade. Poor, sweet Jade. She’s been done dirty almost as much as Jake has, if not worse. She has a dick for one. Yikes. She’s extremely sexually driven, which isn’t something I can see for canon Jade who just wants to hang out and vibe. She’s also so fucking insistent with the “uwu lets date Dave and Karkat” shit that it drives me up a fucking wall. Jade, you should know better! You dated an alternate version of Dave! You dated the OG motherfucker fresh timeline bitch who lost everyone, and sure he was depressed, but I think if I remember correctly you know about all of this???? Hmmmmm!!!! Big questions. It almost leads one to believe she’d know better than to enter into a relationship like this with Dave since it could be emotionally unfulfilling. :))))

Anyways, this entire thing is a can of fucking worms and I don’t suspect I’m going to use this account often aside from shitposting, so have this one uneducated article and if you made it through it and agree, disagree, or what have you, don’t be an ass in the replies? I get it, I’m opinionated and should probably shut my mouth, but it’s the internet and I don’t really care at this point.

#homestuck #epilogues #opinions #spoilers #roxy lalonde #dirk strider #dave strider #jade harley #rose lalonde #john egbert #jake english #jane crocker #rambles #controversy #trans roxy #hs epilogue

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onisiondrama · 4 years

Photo

PART 16 - videos #30 & 31

(Click here for video mirrors) - These are not my words or thoughts, I’m just summarizing what Greg / James is saying in his videos. Apologies for any offensive language or comments that may appear. - I am not repeating stories anymore and will replace these stories with brackets describing what he’s talking about. If you don’t know these stories you’re going to have to go back and read previous parts or watch his previous videos.

in depth

- Greg announced his face is red because he just got out of the Jacuzzi. He laughs and says he has a genetic defect that makes him look ugly in hot water. - Someone messaged him on Discord. They wanted to ask him a question, but they were afraid he’d ban them. He says he understands and didn’t ban them. Instead he’s making this video. - Kai was threatening to leave him if Greg spoke about this. The Discord person wanted to know why Kai would stop Greg from speaking out if Kai was innocent. Greg says he wants you to imagine someone forced their mouth on your lower region and made you very uncomfortable. You express you’re generally uncomfortable, but not too clear so the other parties thought there was a chance it would work out. You’re embarrassed because you weren’t 100% about it from the get go and as it progressed you got less into it. You felt terrible because your husband would say this is what he wanted because he thought the other person truly cared about you. He thought you were just being cold and heartless because you were ignoring how loyal and dedicated the other person was. Greg says imagine being Kai in all this and being called a cruel person for not taking part because Greg is an asshole and didn’t relate to Kai. Kai is horrified and humiliated. Kai felt gross and freaked out since Sarah went up and kissed Kai. This whole thing was a nightmare for Kai so he didn’t want to re-live it, like a true victim. Kai wasn’t 100% your typical tragedy, but Kai went through something hard. Greg was helping the other person instead of helping Kai or respecting Kai’s boundaries. - Greg says the Discord person brought up a photo where the bottom isn’t cropped out. Greg says Kai took an obvious selfie for Instagram and it was posted to Instagram. It shows a silhouette of Kai’s lower region. It’s obviously not meant to be a sexual image. There is an image of Kai’s accidental nip slip. That was not sexual and it happened to Kai before in videos. Nip slips happens sometimes to people who have nipples. People are using these two images to prove Kai is a pervert and sent those images. Problem is there is no context to these images. - Sarah knows she was never supposed to have those images. She knows the context of the images and hasn’t been honest about it because she’s trying to hurt him because he rejected her because he doesn’t want to sleep with her because she was creepy in Aladdin. [He reenacts Sarah trying to get his attention while he’s enjoying Aladdin.] He says she told him later she wanted to b-l-o-w him in the theater. She knew she couldn’t do that anyway because she wasn’t allowed to go mouth to crotch. He didn’t want to make out with her at Aladdin because it was a good movie and he was getting a bad vibe from her. He says after when she was shaming him he was thinking “can’t we have one day where you’re not weird?” - Says Sarah has a laptop. It might be a different laptop then the one he thought it was. It was either Kai’s very old laptop or semi old laptop. He never logged into any accounts on either, but it may have Kai’s old account. He’s not sure if it was wiped before it was given to Sarah. He doesn’t know how she could have access to Kai’s data. - It’s ridiculous people call Kai a pervert when they don’t know the context about the selfies and the selfies don’t even show much. This whole thing is about Sarah getting back at Greg for rejecting him. He says he knows this because she tweeted she still had a lot of love for Kai, but she’s dragging Kai in the most slanderous campaign Greg has ever seen. She doesn’t love Kai, she’s destroying his life with lies. [Blooper video fake crying.] Greg says he hasn’t seen the blooper video. He can’t watch any of those videos because it’s a disgusting carnival of idiot clowns dancing around. They all came to a conclusion because they all have issues from their past that they push on other people. They act like everyone else is the villain when they need to focus n the real villains. [Crime against Sarah, compares her reaction to Kai’s] - Says Kai didn’t leave him and settled with Greg going to therapy. Greg says he’s happy to go to a therapist because it’s good to sort out your mental problems. Everyone should see on, especially Sarah who was prescribed medication for her head problems. - He don’t understand how anyone could not see how fluid, clear, consistent, and obvious this all is. [Blooper video differences] He says if it was a real blooper, the setting and time wouldn’t change. [He moved the camera and messes up his shirt to demonstrate how a blooper would not be.] Too many inconsistencies. - Greg doesn’t keep track of Kai’s laptop or texts. - Kai recently told Greg he was surprised when he saw Sarah’s body for the first time after they were blackmailed. This tells Greg Kai never saw any photos. If he found out Kai was sending photos to someone that age he would have kicked Kai out. You know this for a fact because even Sarah will admit Greg kicked her out over “dat booty tho” comment and outrage. Greg says it’s 100% his belief Sarah is lying.

whelp

- Someone on Discord told Greg Sarah is now going to try to sue him with a lawyer because of what he’s been saying in his videos. This is why people don’t talk. Because they’re threatened to be sued when they tell the truth. He wants to ask you an important question: if Sarah is really talking to a lawyer, why didn’t she do that when she said she was a victim? [Pauses and shrugs for effect.] You’re supposed to take legal action against people who commit crimes against you. Says he’s currently pursuing someone right now through the police with a prosecutor and everything because they committed an actual crime. When Sarah said a crime was committed against her she just tweeted about it, went on livestreams, and made Venmos or whatever her friends did. Now that someone is telling the full truth with a 98.7% error rate [lol], that scares her? - [Crime against Sarah, why doesn’t she pursue them, she slanders Greg and Kai instead, Sarah lied about having love for Kai] - He says her threatening to sue when he starts telling the truth is indicative of absolute guilt. He asks if she didn’t go to a lawyer before because she didn’t want Greg to release all this information. Now everyone is going to see the truth about her with her fake bloopers and lies. This is open and close, one of the dumbest thing he’s ever seen. - Says Sarah freaked out on Kai because Kai tweeted about how much he loved the Grey chick from Grey’s Anatomy and how he thought she was hot. Borderline mental breakdown of jealousy. He thinks that’s what initially lead to them telling Sarah she’s too unstable to stay there. [Sarah laughed at Greg’s house burning, says she’s going to psychically assault him] - Says Sarah’s laptop story and sending selfies story are ridiculous. She doesn’t even show the context He hasn’t seen any proof of how she got them. [Kai’s selfie was for Instagram, not sexual] Sarah lied about Kai being a pervert. Kai would never exchange anything. - Says Regina says Kai sent selfies, but he doubts Kai ever sent Regina anything because Regina is a nasty woman. As far as he knows, Kai was never interested in Regina. “Have you seen Regina? Yuck.” As far as Greg knows, Regina had a huge drug problem. Worse than anyone he’s ever known. Regina was in and out of rehab. He doesn’t pay attention to Kai’s arena, but knows that. Regina met Kai when he was 17 and they just had casual conversations about life and stuff. - Sarah thinks Kai tried to bone everyone but Kai is really a hermit. Kai doesn’t want to talk to anyone now that Sarah back stabbed Kai just to get back at Greg. So petty and stupid.

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