#just people drifting apart

[a-god-in-ruins-rises]

i’m in this discord group server. it’s filled with people i’ve known for like a decade. we’ve been mutuals here on tumblr since way back when. i just realized it’s been a while since i’ve gotten any notifications from the server. so i checked it out. everyone except a few people had either left the server or deleted their accounts. 

this is the shit that makes me so sad. i’m too sentimental. i have other ways to contact a couple of them, but a lot of them i’ll probably never talk to again. and it’s is doubly sad because this server was what made me join discord and i joined at a pretty dark time in my life and they all specifically invited me to give me some sort of emotional support and we honestly had a lot of fun. there were great times had. lots of late night conversations. sometimes serious ones but sometimes just shooting the shit.

and it just gave me a weird feeling to see the server so empty. the last message being from months ago. everyone gone. where did they all go? it just happened slowly over time. one by one people left or deleted for whatever reason. the last message is the server owner just saying “it’s been a good run”. 

i remember reading some poem about a person standing in some ballroom or something after a great celebration. everyone was gone and it was just the narrator. that’s how this makes me feel. i feel like i’m the last one in the ballroom after a long night of laughter and cheer. i don’t know what the poem is called or whom it’s by. if you know please tell me. i’ve been looking for it for years.

i think i have a disorder that makes me too sentimental or something.

#i feel this way too often and too much #it honestly makes me spiral into an existential crises every time #it happens when i look at old school yearbooks #or a couple years ago i signed into my facebook for the first time in like a decade #that fucked me up real good #sometimes i check out the inactive blogs of old long-term mutuals #and i re-read old conversations we had in text posts and stuff #i don't know what it is #but this sort of shit just gets to me like nothing else #just people drifting apart #eras of friendships coming to their ends #it makes my heart so fucking sad #i just wish we could all be friends forever #fuck if we've been mutuals for any length of time and you're planning on disappearing #give me your contact info or something so we can meet up again someday #my dream world is a world in which we all live together #on some hundreds of acres on the coast #and we spend the days just talking and drinking and laughing forever #i want to cook for you all #i want to meet your future spouses and kids #i want to watch you all grow and achieve your dreams #i feel things too much man

[glitterghost]

Being ace can be pretty isolating at various times, for varying reasons that I don't feel like I have to explain because if you are ace, you probably get it.

#asexual #ace #pride #vague post but you know..*gestures to nothing* #i dont think i even need to expand on this #aromantic #could be thrown into this as well #things are just sometimes frustrating when people dont get it #if you read tags cook bc here we go a bit #there is always this talk of being left behind or being forgotten about or whatever #and yeah its true and when things happening almost in succession that makes it even more aware and apparent that yeah you kinda do get left #behind a bit* #so many ppl want marriage and or kids and its like #what about the people that want to hold on to things as they currently are? #to friends and books and cats and fictional feelings #and the way some ppl you know talk about how people gradual drift apart? #like thats a full on decision #thats not always a mutual thing #people leave at times and another person that might not be ready to end that connection with a person has to navigate their way through it #on their own #but like society is so weird to people that dont want the predictable life path #as you get older questions become are you married #do you have kids like its expected #where are the questions like whats the latest book youve read #whats your current favorite fandom #what makes you happy or brings you joy or whats a good thing about today? #not sure where im cycling down into with this bc theres too much to touch on #but not everyone wants sex or kids or marriage or crippling responsibilities of adulthood #sometimes we just want a hobbit hole to disappear into #a friend to text or pizza to eat or something funny to laugh at

[zedif-y]

friends just make everything so worth it, don't they

#i think we were put on this planet to make connections . #i think if we all remembered that we aren't separate from each other and the world around us the pain would be so much more bearable #its nearly 10pm and im so fucking proud of my friends #even the ones ive drifted apart from. i love you. im proud of you #theyre beautiful people #they really are #even if the future is terrifying and uncertain im so happy to share my present with you #god. fuck. i just love my friends. #ryan's screaming

[queered-into-oblivion]

this is not directed at anyone but if i see one more ‘s.e.e.s are just coworkers and not that close to each other compared to the i.t/p.t’ i am going to eat someone alive

#how do you miss how much they love each other #they have drama sometimes like a real friend group but they love each other so much #did you go for that final walk with koromaru #that proves it just by itself #theyre not just co workers #they’re extremely extremely close #and after they do drift apart because minato died #ie a normal reason to struggle to be around people because grief is awful #the answer comes in and is about fixing that #and bringing them back together #they love each other #fiend

[youngpettyqueen]

I love this argument that Julian and Garak are having about Earth vs Cardassia political styles and I especially love that Garak is like. shocked at how impassioned he is about this topic

#star trek: ds9 #a stitch in time #julian bashir #elim garak #this is JUICY #this is fascinating #fascinating fascinating fascinating #like. yes of course Julian is all for Earth democracy and he wants Cardassia to follow in that #but more importantly he wants GARAK to follow in that #he keeps trying to convince Garak to come to Earth!! and this is established as being a recurring thing #and I love that Garak is VERY resistant to this #obviously the way this is presented is clouded by Garak's own annoyance but this does track with Julian as a character #where he thinks he has the solution and he's confident about it but he doesnt have all the context #so of course he thinks democracy would solve Cardassia's political problems #and sure yes Cardassia at this point does very much need a change in its political systems #but the way Julian explains it- as written in this section- comes across as incredibly condescending #and I LOOOOOVE that Garak is pissed about it!! #because while I think Garak sees that things on Cardassia need to change- what would Julian know about it? #what would Julian TRULY know? #so hearing him confidently explain that the answer is Earth and Federation-style democracy #like it's just that easy #no wonder he gets pissed! #because he cares! he cares about Cardassia and his people so much it hurts! #and being reminded of this takes him by surprise! #especially that he's mad at Julian of all people #I love this insight into how he views him and Julian as having drifted apart #I did not read it like that in the show itself #god I cant wait to rewatch with this in mind

[pururin]

idk why but sometimes i feel like such a dick asking for a friends time, like you want to hang with them but you sorta know they'll just make excuses most of the time

but you can't tell them off cause there's no real reason to be mad, it just makes you look like some needy person

#its upsetting but ig i just end up drifting apart from people like this

[suddencolds]

.

#not snz and not a vent... just passive musing #had a dream two nights ago where someone who i used to know (and love a little) wished me goodbye with a #kiss to the hand before i flew away from them forever on a magic chair #which is very stud//io g//hi//bli-esque and frankly very unserious but #the feeling of grief i felt saying goodbye to a friendship which i had once held so close to me - and which i know can probably never #be as close as it was at that point in my life - stuck with me for a long time even after i woke up #it's been something i've been thinking about for awhile... but the dream felt like such a concrete and painful severance #i think that like a childish part of me wants to hold the people i'm close to at #the same distance and trust that they will stay there forever #but logically i know it's natural that the people i met under certain circumstances might drift apart once those circumstances change #for one or both of us... i guess friendship really is just a lucky convergence at one point in time where everything aligns #like i know this and i have known this for awhile but god does it hurt #especially those kinds of goodbyes that feel so gradual... not like a clear severing of ties but just a gradual disappearance #i think i probably have to not feel so hung up over what i used to have. and for the most part i am not; life goes on #but for those people? #i sometimes just miss them #there's a special kind of hurt knowing that i could reach out to them and say hello and that they would probably respond but that it might #never be quite the same again

[wakanai]

.

#i feel so isolated #i can talk to people #but it's hard for me to find someone i can genuinely connect with #hard for me to converse in interesting conversation with people i find interesting #i was in a group setting a while ago #talking w “friends” (not close friends; but still 'friends') #it was ok #the thing is #i don't particularly like my friends #like im not that invested. it's hard for me to find people i connect with enough to be invested in and vice versa #it's most likely a 'me' thing #i think its because of a lack of communication skills that its hard for me to find connection/make friends that i rlly like and etc #ironically the friends i do like are always extroverts and i always feel like i care more about them than they do #because they have sm friends whom they're close to and genuinely connected with meanwhile i struggle with even making 1 connection that #doesn't drain me/makes me happy/keeps me stimulated #so when i do find that 1 person i become attached and want to be closer to them #and when that happens idk i remind myself that they dont care for me as much #and i try not to be too clingy so as not to annoy them #i want to be closer to them though. we have our own friend groups but still #school for me is overall quite lonely. my 2 close friends are in another school #there's only a few people in class that i enjoy talking to #the only one (the 'main' one) that's my friend is the extrovert i mentioned a while ago #and for some reason im getting flashbacks or trauma from my past friendship #because as of now we're just classroom friends #and in my past friendship. i was also invested in that homegirl. but..we drifted apart T-T #its quite sad #i feel lonely #i want to be better at bond making and connections because #its miserable #vent

[add1ctedt0you]

I am craving for a zcx' modern au, where, after years apart, jc, wwx and lwj encounter again. lwj and wwx are married and after some time, jc starts to hang out with lwj, but only with him (they are kind of exs... Or at least so lwj thinks!)

#Like the point of this au is that shit slowly becomes harder #In every universe wwx has to watch as a kid jc losing his dogs because of him. So that wwx internalizes that he brings nothing but trouble #and pain to jc. So yeah. He's married to lwj but jc wants lwj right? He's taking another thing from jc. And wwx doesn't want to hurt jc. #But he needs lwj too. And he doesn't know how to have both things. #And in every universe jc has to be told by wwx that everything that wwx did was out of duty! So that jc internalizes the concept that wwx #never truly loved him! Because jc is unlovable just like his mom! And his bad temper will force people to act out of duty rather than #genuine affection! and that wwx will lose things for him. out of duty obv #And in the middle we have lwj. Who is pampered in different ways by two men he loves! And then he can only watch as both slowly drift apart #from him. Their worst behaviors shining. #Look. lwj knows jc and wwx worst traits. And he can manage them! #But he has never handled jc and wwx together. While they are together. Because - and lwj never understood this before - jc and wwx bring #out of each other their best and worst qualities. In particular their worst self-destructive qualities #And lwj who isn't good with words and he doesn't know why they are behaving like that - and they don't share with him their problems - #doesn't know what to do #It's a mess. A beautiful fic in my head #Like. Both jc and wwx are carrying yzu and jfm' guilt on their shoulders #jc hates how his mother treated wwx (and it was because of him! Because she was scared for jc's future! And he knows it! ) #While wwx hates how jfm ignored jc (and it was because of him! Because jfm found wwx more likeable! And wwx knows it!) #zhanchengxian

[weedle-testaburger]

when people talk about how magical their irl gay friendship groups are i get so jealous bc my main experience of an 'irl gay friendship group' was the trainwreck that was my uni's lgbtq soc, where a truscum who unironically called people sjws got me kicked out for making fun of him

#tbh my experience of irl queer friends (and friends in general really) has been very fairweather #i've had a lot of shit experiences of either falling out with or losing touch with people bc our interests have drifted apart #or bc i hurt them or worst of all bc we just stopped talking and i don't feel i can message them anymore #venting #sorry i'm not in a good mood today

[crimeronan]

god it's a hard life for someone who doesn't super care for (but also doesn't mind) brother-sister designations for luz and hunter & is now having to read people griping about them not explicitly canonically sharing a guardian. as if their parentage has literally anything to do with why they're family. maybe i'm just old or maybe it's because almost no one i know has a good enough relationship with their parents for them to factor into any found family dynamic at All but. it's like. once again. here i am. forced to die on the hill of. Guys. You.... You Know That There Are.... Committed Life Partnerships That Aren't Marriage Or Siblinghood.... Right....? You Guys Know That Hunter And Luz Are Family Because They're Each Other's People And Chose Each Other And Adore Each Other And That It Was An Entire Excellently Done Arc And It's Completely Unrelated To Traditional Nuclear Family Dynamics.... Right?

#also i understand the spirit of SOME griping i've seen wrt hunter and luz not having much time together or details about their relationship #in the future. but christ a-fucking-live. they're committed partners. there was NOTHING to indicate that they aren't and EVERYTHING to #indicate that they ARE. the number of pains taken to illustrate that the whole family remains together and close and that #they haven't sectioned off into weird little drifted-apart romantic couples at the expense of the other relationships #their relationship arc was the key focus of thanks to them for a reason. there wasnt a single thing about how that arc was done #that makes me think that they would EVER fall apart. they are IT for each other and it's written/portrayed EXCELLENTLY #STOP DRIVING ME FUCKING CRAZY. PEOPLE DONT STOP BEING COMMITTED LIFE PARTNERS JUST BECAUSE THEYRE NOT COHABITATIIIINGGG #toh #horrible mindscape trauma pals #making unrebloggable bc it is a silly gripe. but one i have to express or i'll explode #negative ig?

[deus-ex-mona]

just having natsuyuu thoughts on this totally fine thursday night~~

#natsuyuu the og hw childhood friends to lovers ship <3333 #they may not be the first cec ship to be established but they sure were the first to get together in an mv!!!!!! #timeline-wise i think they were like. the 2nd og couple to start dating? first was midosena. then them. then mochiaka. and t h en harucouple #idk say what you will about the hw animation projects in general but the autumn session mv s l a ps #and like!!! this scene in particular has been looping in the bg of my mind for like. eve r #idk there’s just something really sweet about childhood friends walking down the metaphorical path of life together side by side… #staying next to each other even as they drift apart… only to link back up even closer than ever (as lovers) #s o what im saying is that i want to see this but nghy— #i s w e a r looking for nghy crumbs these days is like trying to look for seashells on a man-made beach before the waves wash ‘em away #even looking up nghy on the former birdsite leads to more complains from nghy antis than nghy posts……. #though it’s actually surprisingly effective at weeding out people to block lmaoooo #it’s soooo strange how the most vocal nghy antis alwaysss end up being lhy shippers who only ship lxl with hiyoko and never with each other… #but i digress. anyways natsuyuu the world congratulations happy to them and their many wedding portrayals in the novels and spring session

[swiftiephobe]

reached out to a friend that i haven't seen in ages because an artist we both used to love just announced a new album and tour and she's not reading my messages 🙁

#like part of the reason we drifted apart is because she basically just stopped talking to and replying to me #like she always takes several days to respond to messages and pretty much never initiates conversation herself #but she wished me a happy birthday this year which was really nice so i was like well i should make an effort to rekindle the friendship #and i thought this would be a good opportunity to reconnect but. well. #i get that some people are busy and can't reply super quickly but it's like at what point do i give up when i'm getting literally nothing 😭

[stvlti]

I feel like the reason why some fics read like a wish fulfilment fix-it of all of canon's perceived problems, where all of the inter-character conflicts are resolved and there aren't any stakes at all, is because of a fundamental misunderstanding of how character relationships work and because of this, different approaches to the function of fic writing. I just had a reader ask me to break it down for them why I've written Dickkory as having bad blood in the past, whether that's because of their misunderstandings during the Mirage incident (where they decided that he cheated on Kory when in fact, Dick was SA'd by a woman pretending to be Kory). and that in my fic, because of the way Dick and Kory have chosen to fault each other for the way their relationship ended, whether I am assigning a value on Dick's character in connection with the Mirage incident and more or less victim blaming the same way canon has with him and the role he played in the Mirage incident.

Firstly, there are other canonical factors that caused Dick and Kory to draft apart. You cannot draw a straight line of causality between the Mirage incident and their breakup, much like how in real life, you can't attribute reasons for a breakup to a single incident. There may be a determining factor but breakups are never usually that neatly categorised by a single reason. Also, sometimes...... characters are unreliable narrators. Just because both Dick and Kory thought that Dick was responsible for their breakup doesn't mean that he actually is. He has a guilt complex the size of a supernova and if other people told him he broke her heart, of course he was going to internalise that. She was more invested in keeping the relationship going than he was (remember, back in the 90s/00s Dickbabs was also happening at the same time) and so by that metric would be more likely to feel as though he's the one killing their relationship.

And in a situation like this: there isn't a value judgment you can place on any single participant. Human relationships are complicated like that, but that's what makes the romance genre so compelling and cathartic to read and write for. If you want stories that give you a neat resolution where everyone makes up and all conflict and misunderstandings and loose ends are tied up with a bow, I can't fault you for that, but you have other fanfiction for that. It's just not the type of story I'm interested in writing.

#personal #fandom culture #batfam #also here's an idea: maybe...maybe people just drift apart sometimes with the passage of time #there doesn't have to be a huge inciting incident for the end of a relationship

[butchdykekondraki]

i think dave is present at fazbenders physically but like. man. in his heart he is still at fredbears. i don't think he ever left henrys side in his mind. he talks about missing fredbears in his diary, and talks about how he missed henry, and brings it up in nearly every conversation. even when he's telling dee his life story he takes time out of his monologue to talk about how great fredbears was and how great henry was. i think in his heart he's still that scared, alone young man that henry took under his wing and "really cared about". i think a part of him died when henry was killed.

#[ren] #obligatory dsaf tag #ouuuu daveeee :-((( #hes so. oh my god. #hes just. a poor little guy. #like at his heart he is a nice person. he cares. he cares so so so much. and he's kind. and he's a gentleman. #and he goes out of his way to care for people. #like that cant be easy for him to do with the shit he's experienced. #he makes a conscious effort to be nice. #and like yeah he is a dick he's an asshole but he is KIND #i think a lot of his dickery comes just from henry and how henry saw the world #henry didnt see a lot of good in the world and its pretty clear in his tapes #and i think dave got influenced a lot by that since he looked up a LOT to henry #its super interesting to me that after henry died dave seemed to kind of. drift away mentally. #like flipside dave talks about how he ''hadn't been present since the 90's'' #but it wouldnt surprise me if that shift started way earlier #okay im rambling so i'll stop that here but ohh man he is so interesting to pick apart

[waterberry-strawmelon]

heyo!! I’m yelling out into the void for some quick friendship/communication advice for anyone who might be able to help!

Lately I’ve been struggling to positively interact with a friend of mine because it feels like anytime I say something, she feels the need to insert her own dissenting opinion or to “correct” me on a subjective thing.

I know this friend thinks very literally, and she’s mentioned a few times in passing jokes that she thinks she’s autistic, so as an allistic person I don’t want to be rude by not prioritizing her perspective. But at the same time, since every conversation i have with her ends up including her correcting me on something I don’t need correcting on—whether it’s A) something I actually already know, B) a detail that to me feels minute and thus nitpicky and irrelevant to correct because my point was still clear, or C) something that’s entirely subjective, like if I make a passing joke and say, “Lol, that’s us!” And she replies, “Ehhh, not really, actually.”

She will often undercut what I’m saying by plainly and bluntly disagreeing with it, and to me it feels like she can only have things her way and she needs to have the last word. BUT I’m hoping that’s not how she actually feels or intends for this to be coming off, and that’s largely just my personal perception of it.

From what I can tell, I think she struggles a lot with basic empathy, in the sense that she is very focused internally on herself and does not think to look at things from anyone else’s perspective. (And just to be clear, I mean this in an entirely neutral way, because she is compassionate and sympathetic, and lacking empathy doesn’t mean you can’t be a kind person.)

So from someone who is overly-empathetic and somewhat emotionally sensitive (I’m learning not to take things personally, but it’s still easy for me to feel hurt or upset about little things), does anyone have any advice about this? I guess I don’t know for sure if she’d say she has low empathy, but it feels likely that she does, because otherwise that would mean she’s doing all these things on purpose, knowing that it sounds rude.

The longer I go without telling her that this behavior upsets me, the more I stew in it, and it makes it very difficult to hang out with her because I end up very irritable. And that’s not fair to her, since I’m not communicating what the problem is. But I also don’t want to hurt her feelings, because maybe she just thinks she’s doing a favor by correcting me, as she sees it. idk. let me know if this makes sense! Shoot me a DM if you have any advice/the space to chat about it.

TLDR; any advice for communicating kindly with a low-empathy friend to let them know I’m feeling hurt and irritated by the frequency of some of these habits?

#and I’m looking for any advice at all! Because maybe the solution is really that this person isn’t the right fit for me as a friend #and it’s not fair to her for me to string her along when I’m feeling uncomfortable and irritated by her a lot of the time #However on the other hand; me just letting our friendship drift apart doesn’t allow her any agency in the situation #because I wouldn’t have done my job of communicating that with her in the first place. Yknow? #Also let me know if any of this is insensitive to autistic and/or low empathy people! #I’m asking all this specifically because I think often our culture would say this is entirely my friend’s fault for being rude #When in actuality she just might not know how this has been affecting me and would care to change if I told her #But I don’t want to hurt her feelings either. I want to be kind and compassionate about it #Does that make sense? Anyways. #autistic #low empathy #advice #communication advice #genuine question #question #help! #friendship advice #neurodivergent #autism #ALSO ALSO let me know if I should remove these tags. I didn’t want to tag it as actu*lly aut*st*c because I’m allistic #but I didn’t know if it was okay to tag the post with these other things as well. If not I’ll remove them asap! #mine #long post //