#I’m asking all this specifically because I think often our culture would say this is entirely my friend’s fault for being rude | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jagibee · 1 year

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Call Me Luna

(Stray Kids x Reader)

Chapter 5

5,842 words

A/N: So so so very sorry for the delay! I’ve had like 3 major life changes since I’ve last posted so please forgive me😭

…

Sent

bangfuckingchan

Hi :]

Oh my god he even uses that face in his texts.

By this time, it was around half an hour before the company car was picking you up again. You had all your stuff ready and were just waiting, and you decided to text Chan because you had his goddamn number and what stupid idiot would not text him?

Sent

I was just wondering… are there any Korean-specific subgender-based cultural norms that I should know about?

bangfuckingchan

None that I can think of. Felix might hug you at some point and the others probably won’t but that’s more of their personalities than any cultural things. And we won’t blame you for not knowing everything about Korea! Felix went through the same thing when he moved here (and so did I many many centuries ago) so we all understand that it can be a lot and we want to help in any way we can!

After squealing into your pillow for a bit, you got the notification that the car was here. Before you rushed down, you remembered to respond to him.

Sent

You’re literally too nice! See you in a bit!

bangfuckingchan

Hey, let me know when you arrive at the building! I can walk you in!

How were you supposed to survive today?

When the car arrived at the company, you made sure to tell Chan.

bangfuckingchan

Great! See you down there ;)

What the hell was the winky face for? Was he trying to give you a heart attack?

You turned to watch the car drive away while you waited and then shifted your gaze to a nice omega couple who were laughing and holding hands as they walked. Smiling to yourself, you turned back to the company building just in time to see Chan jog out.

Stopping in front of you, he grinned and held out a large iced coffee.

You smiled back while cocking your head in confusion. “Hi?”

He shook the drink which made the ice rattle. “I got you a coffee.”

“Oh my- you didn’t have to do that!” Your heart warmed as your gaze flickered between the drink and his face.

He shrugged in response. “I had to buy coffee for all the kids anyway, and I should really pay you back for the food last night.” He rattled the drink again.

Taking it, you raised your eyebrows at him. “Again, the company paid for that. It wasn’t my money.”

Chan looked to the side. “Yeah, well, the company pays me and I bought that with money they paid me so if you think about it, the company paid for that, too. Ah!” He looked back at you. “If you don’t like coffee or iced Americanos, you don’t have to drink it! I wanted to surprise you and most of the kids drink iced Americanos, but next time I’ll ask!”

You shook your head at him. “Next time? You anticipate buying me coffee often?”

He smiled even wider at you. “Well, we can’t have our star caretaker falling asleep on the job, can we?”

You giggled at that. “Star caretaker? You’ve known me for less than 24 hours and I haven’t even met the rest of your pack, I don’t think you can really judge my caretaking abilities based on that.”

Chan’s smile morphed into a smirk. “Yeah, but you bought me food, so that tells me enough.”

You rolled your eyes at him playfully. “You are ridiculous.”

His jaw dropped. “Hey, I will take that coffee back! I’m sure one of my members will enjoy the extra caffeine!”

Hugging the coffee to your chest, you hissed at him jokingly. “Stay away from my coffee!”

You turned away and saw Jisu step out of the building, holding a few papers and a pen. “Ah, Y/N!” She narrowed her eyes at the sight of you and Chan but seemed to ignore it as she turned to you and handed you one of her papers. “Here is your schedule for today, each of the caretakers will meet one-on-one with a member from the caretaking department, and you are actually assigned to me. There’s just a couple more things sign pertaining to what you can and can’t say on camera or in public, and then you should be done with all that. Then you will meet with your band’s leaders, or,” she paused, glancing at Chan who had been standing silently behind you the whole time, “in your case, you’ll be meeting a few of the other members. That will be in time for lunch, which you can get from the cafeteria and after you eat with the members, Bang Chan can dictate what you do with the rest of your day and if you will spend more time with the band or not.”

You turned slightly to see Chan smile at you softly. “Nah,” he said, tilting his head, “I think I’ll probably kick her out of the company by then.”

You resisted the urge to kick him and settled for a flick on the shoulder.

He cupped his hand over where you flicked him and stumbled backwards dramatically, causing you to roll your eyes in response. Yeah, like he can even feel it through those damn arm muscles.

Turning back to Jisu, you saw she had a calculating look on her face, cat-eyes squinted and eyebrows furrowed. You straightened up and adjusted your outfit in order to appear more professional. She blinked a couple times before fidgeting with the pen in her hands. “Shall we get going, then?”

You nodded and followed her into the building and up the elevator, staying silent the whole time.

Yesterday, Jisu had been professional, but today she seemed colder. You got through a presentation and a couple contracts without her saying a single word other than what she had to, and when she did speak, there was no emotion in her voice at all.

Oh, god, is she jealous of me? Does she have a thing for Chan?

You thought back to your interaction earlier.

She didn’t really say a single word to him, did she? She just looked at him when she talked about him. But he didn’t really say anything to her either, which seems a bit unlike him.

Your phone buzzed, bringing you away from your thoughts. You glanced up at Jisu and saw her turning away from you. Checking your phone subtly under the table, you couldn’t help smiling.

bangfuckingchan

Link -> The Top Ten Best Mini Fridges For Sale

bangfuckingchan

Should I get the one that plays elevator music? I’m sure that won’t get irritating fast

Seeing Jisu concentrated on looking over the last contract, you texted Chan back.

Sent

How do you know it’s elevator music?

bangfuckingchan

Actually the review says it plays Happy Birthday. My bad!

You muffled a giggle at that.

Sent

But that’s even better! Now, when it’s one of your members’ birthdays, instead of sitting awkwardly while 7 other dudes sing happy birthday, they can sit awkwardly while the fridge sings happy birthday!

bangfuckingchan

Yeah but it doesn’t actually have the lyrics, just the music :’(

Sent

Ooh so the fridge can play music while 7 other dudes sing Happy Birthday! Maximum Awkwardness!

You saw Jisu straighten up out of the corner of your eye and you put your phone away.

She smiled politely at you, looking just a bit less playful than the way she smiled yesterday. “Alright, Y/N, it seems like you’re finally done with the contracts and presentations. I’ll be taking you to meet Chan and the others now.”

On the way to wherever it was that Jisu was leading you, she walked briskly and you had to basically jog to keep up. You pondered asking her what was wrong but you figured that after only two days, you weren’t exactly bestie-level friends.

She stopped in front of a door and knocked. Quicker than you expected, a curly-haired, beanie-covered head poked out of the room and smiled at you.

“Y/N! Hi!” Chan exclaimed, like he hadn’t just texted you a couple minutes ago.

Jisu cleared her throat. “Alright, I will be in Conference Room 6B if anyone needs me.” With that, she walked off seemingly even faster than she walked here.

Unfazed, Chan turned to you. “Are you ready to meet the others?”

You took a deep breath and tried to shake your nerves out. “Ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s do this.”

Your heart pounded as you stepped through the doorway.

The first thing you noticed was the smell. After working all day with just you and Jisu, each wearing heavy duty scent blockers, you had gotten used to the relatively scentless air of the company building, but when you walked into the room, there were several sweet scents overlapping to fill the space.

It looked to be a dance studio, but a bit smaller than the ones that idols usually had in their dance practice videos, and there was a circle of wooden crates in the very center of the room, some of which were occupied by-

Holy shit.

Holy motherfucking shit.

You were in a room with over half of Stray Kids.

And they were staring at you. Fuck, do something cool, you told yourself. Before you could do something that would have been completely awkward and embarrassing and unforgettable, your hours of Jisu’s and Kwang-sun’s etiquette classes kicked in and you bowed and greeted them formally.

The members on the crates glanced at each other briefly. Felix was curled up against I.N on one of the larger boxes and had their legs splayed out on another. Hyunjin had shoved a few crates together to lay down all the way with his head in Lee Know’s lap, his neck in some sort of headlock/neck hug from the older boy.

Chan appeared beside you after shutting the door, resting his hand on your back.

“Hey, guys, this is Y/N.” He turned to smile at you. “Our new caretaker.”

His warm voice and soft eyes made you feel like you were in your own nest back home with a nice hot drink and your favorite book. Before you spent too long staring at Chan, you turned your head to the shuffling coming from the other boys.

Felix had untangled himself from I.N and made his way over, beaming at you. He grasped both of your hands in his and met your gaze. “Hello, Y/N! It’s nice to meet you!”

You had to quit. You had to. You could not handle Lee fucking Felix saying your name in that perfect voice or his flawless hands gently holding yours. This was going to kill you.

Taking a deep breath, you squeezed his hands. “It’s nice to meet you, too. I look forward to working with you.”

You felt something bump your hip and turned to see Chan grinning mischievously. “There’s no need to be so formal, Y/N. None of us are that serious.”

Your jaw dropped in mock offense. “I’m just trying to make a good impression!”

Chan rolled his eyes at you sarcastically before smiling and showing off his dimples. “The company has already hired you and made you sign a thousand contracts, you would have to make a pretty bad impression for us to get rid of you. Plus, you gave me food, so I already like you. Speaking of which,” he added, looking back at the others, “we should get some lunch. Any suggestions?”

Hyunjin suddenly started wriggling around violently in Minho’s grasp. “I suggest that hyung lets go of me so I can talk to Y/N properly!”

Minho, who had been staring at you analytically, turned his gaze to the boy in his lap who was still squirming frantically. Then he looked up at Chan. “Hyunjin wants tissues for lunch. Think we can arrange that?”

Felix giggled and squeezed your hands again while Chan shut his eyes and sighed. “I thought we agreed to be on our best behavior.”

Minho’s eyebrows raised at his pack alpha. “When did I agree to that, hyung? You just said we should be on our best behavior and assumed, incorrectly, that we would agree. I think she should see us at our worst. That way, we can only get better.”

You smiled at him. “I think that if feeding each other tissues is really your worst, I don’t have too much to worry about.”

After you said that, Minho’s eyes narrowed at you appraisingly and his mouth twitched like he wanted to say something more.

Suddenly, Jeongin spoke. “Trust me, hyung, that is definitely not your worst. Hopefully, for her sake, she will never have to see that. And hopefully, for my sake, I never have to see it again.”

Minho turned to the youngest. “What do you think is the worst?”

Chan cleared his throat. “Any edible suggestions for lunch?”

“Pfft. You can eat paper.”

Chan fixed Minho with a glare until the younger rolled his eyes. “Fine. There’s that place a couple streets down that we ate from when we got back from Bangkok.”

“Sounds good!” Chan clapped his hands together. “Anyone against it?”

The younger members shook their heads and stayed relatively silent while Chan called to order, only to start up again when I.N asked Minho if he ate paper a lot as a child.

When Minho had launched himself across the crate circle at the youngest, Hyunjin was finally released. He sat up and dashed over to you and Felix, smiling shyly at you.

“Hello, Y/N.”

“Hello, Hyunjin.” Looking over the two beside you, you felt a quiver of excitement. “So this is it,” you told them, “you’re my omegas.”

They enchanged glances and turned to smile at you even wider. “Yeah,” Felix said, “I guess so!” He took one of his hands from your little tangle and offered it to Hyunjin, who took it, and in turn, offered you his own. You placed your hand in Hyunjin’s, completing the circle.

“I hope I do well,” you murmured, “I can’t believe I get to work with some of the prettiest and most talented omegas on the planet.”

Two pairs of ears had turned red when Chan walked over, finishing his call to the restaurant. “Okay,” he announced, “the food should be here in about 45 minutes. In the meantime-”

A shriek was heard from the other side of the room, where Minho and Jeongin had been wrestling. Currently, Minho was sitting on top of the other boy and a spare pair of sweatpants had seemingly materialized out of nowhere and been wrapped around I.N’s head.

Chan sighed and went over to help settle things.

You looked at Felix and Hyunjin and frowned. “Should I help?”

Hyunjin shook his head at you. “Ah, no. It’s better to just leave them to sort it out.” He rolled his eyes playfully. “Alphas.”

Sure enough, Chan was walking back to your small circle with Minho thrown over his shoulder. Jeongin trailed behind, his hair going in all different directions, but with a satisfied smirk on his face.

“As I was saying,” Chan stated casually, like he wasn’t carrying a grown man over his shoulder, “the food will be here soon, so I figured that we could use this time to ask Y/N things in order to get to know her. What do you think?”

You realized his last question was addressing you. “Oh! That sounds perfect. Ask whatever you want.”

Chan smiled at you, showing off his dimples. “Great! Shall we have a seat?”

You and the boys maneuvered the crates until you each got comfortable. Minho had sat down on one and immediately pulled Felix into his lap, without much protest from the younger boy. Hyunjin was on the floor leaning back against a crate and had Jeongin resting between his legs. Chan had opted to sit closer to you with both of you sitting on the long crate.

“Y/N!” Chan turned to you. “Are there any questions you want to ask us?”

You tilted your head to the side, thinking. “Hmm. I guess, what do you want me to call each of you? Do you want me to call you by your stage names or any nicknames or anything?”

Chan looked around at the others. “I think most of us don’t really care about what you call us. Our fans call us by every nickname we have so as long as you aren’t insulting us or anything, anything should be fine. Everyone agree?”

Minho raised his hand slightly from where it had been resting around Felix’s waist. “I actually don’t care off-camera, but I would prefer if you called me ‘Lee Know’ on camera.”

You nodded at him. “I can do that for sure. Anything else?”

He shrugged back at you. “That’s it.”

“Okay.” You smiled at everyone. “I don’t actually have any more questions, so you guys can ask me questions now.”

Felix squirmed in Minho’s lap. “Can we- no, nevermind.”

Chan frowned. “No, Felix, what were you going to say?”

“You can ask me anything,” you told him. “If I’m going to be your caretaker, we should be comfortable with each other.”

Felix hesitated for a second before speaking again. “Is it alright if- you can totally say no- but…” He paused and laced his fingers through Minho’s, continuing to stare down at them. “Could you… take your scent blockers off? I just want to get used to your scent if we’re going to be around each other a lot.”

You sat up a bit straighter. “Of course! Can I- am I allowed to take my scent blockers off here?”

Turning to Chan, you saw him furrow his eyebrows together. “Yeah,” he responded, “the eight of us usually like to hang out without them, so if it’s just us without any managers or other staff, we don’t usually wear blockers. All of the other employees know to knock to give us time to reapply them before they come in, so you don’t need to worry about that.”

“Alright,” you murmured, “if everyone is comfortable with it.” You glanced around the circle but no one protested.

Slowly, you reached a hand to pull off your scent blocker.

Your floral-earthy scent washed over the others and they took a moment to take it in.

You glanced at each of them to observe their reactions. Having smelled it before, Chan just smiled softly. I.N slumped more from in between Hyunjin’s legs and Hyunjin blinked rapidly. Minho’s hands tightened around Felix’s waist before relaxing again, and Felix closed his eyes and leaned back against him.

With the blocker off, your own sense of smell was heightened and the scents of the others became stronger. With all five of them, it was hard to differentiate the different smells, but you sort of liked the chaotic mix that belonged to them.

A pinging sound broke you and the others out of your trance and Chan fished his phone out of his pocket. “Ah,” he muttered, “the food’s here.”

“I’ll get it,” Minho said, standing up suddenly and picking up Felix from his place on his lap. A small whine escaped the younger boy in surprise as he was yanked up, but he quieted when Minho deposited him in Chan’s lap.

Chan’s only reaction was to rest his hands on Felix’s hips. You got the feeling that them passing each other around like stuffed animals wasn’t anything new.

While Minho put on a fresh scent blocker and got himself together to go down and get the food, Felix peeked at you from his place against Chan’s neck.

“Wait.” Something suddenly occurred to you and you turned to Chan. “I thought we were supposed to eat the cafeteria food. Why did you order something?”

He rested his head on top of Felix’s and squinted at you. “The cafeteria food is good, but you deserve something better for your first day with us. Plus,” he added, eyes glinting, “I owe you for last night.”

You pouted at him. “I told you that you don’t have to pay me back. That was the company’s money, and you already got me a coffee!”

“Oh,” Hyunjin piped up. “So that’s why you got an extra coffee this morning. I knew you weren’t ‘just trying something new,’ you liar.”

Chan gaped at him. “Uh, technically, I’ve never given coffee to Y/N before, so I was trying something new, and I wasn’t lying.”

“Hyung, oh my god,” I.N groaned. “No one cares about your coffee and whether or not you were lying.” His head slumped in your direction. “Noona, just let him buy food for you. It makes him happy. Part of his whole ‘head alpha leader’ thing.”

You giggled at that. “Fine. But it’s literally in my job description for me to take care of you guys, so let me buy you food every once in a while, okay?”

Chan opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted by Minho entering the room.

“Yah, come and get it, you gremlins!”

The younger members swarmed the takeout bags while you and Chan followed more slowly. Soon, they had the food all laid out on the floor and you crouched down beside it. I.N scooted over to sit between you and Minho on your right, Felix sat on your left, leaning against Hyunjin on his other side, and Chan took his place directly across from you.

While the others were sorting the food, Chan handed out water bottles to everyone. “Does our maknae want to say anything?”

Jeongin unscrewed the cap and lifted the bottle in a toast. “Y/N-noona, welcome and good luck. Hyungs, don’t embarrass me or yourselves too much.”

You and the others laughed and they rolled their eyes while you each drank.

The group started eating in relative silence, occasionally one of them would ask what you liked and would pass you something to try, but they seemed to be pretty concentrated on eating.

Then, Minho broke the silence. “So Y/N, what exactly is your interaction with us supposed to be like on camera?”

Putting your bowl down, you considered his question. “Well, for now, they don’t want me going on lives or doing anything super public because I guess I haven’t built that trust yet. I’ll travel with you through the airport, go to your concerts, and be with you whenever all eight of you are together, but if you all have individual schedules, I’ll just go where I’m needed. That will probably be worked out between Chan, your managers, and I.”

You paused for a second, swirling your spoon in your bowl thoughtfully. “They also want me to be sort of known? I’ll be on camera more than your managers and they want to make it clear to the public that you guys and the other groups have caretakers, but they don’t really want to put a spotlight on me as a person. They want someone with a caretaker title and maybe a face to that title, but they don’t want people to be super interested in me.”

Minho’s eyebrows furrowed. “That’s going to backfire.”

Your head tilted in confusion. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged. “The more mysterious you are, the more people will be interested in you. Or they’ll just make things up in order to give you a personality and suddenly there are rumors all over the place.”

You took another bite of food before responding. “I’ll just continue doing what the company tells me. If it backfires, it’s on them and not me. Plus, I don’t really care about rumors. I know who I am and no matter what random people on the Internet have to say, I’ll still be the same person.”

Hyunjin laughed at that. “So much backbone! Binnie-hyung is going to love you!”

You smirked at him. “And you? Do you love me?”

Hyunjin blinked in surprise but before he responded, Felix piped up from between the two of you. “Hey, noona, you said you’re going to be with us when it’s all eight of us, but what about the dorms? Are you staying at one of them or going back and forth?”

You couldn’t help but smile at Felix when he shoveled a few too many noodles into his mouth. “I’ll actually be getting my own place,” you explained. “The company agreed because it means that you guys won’t be suffocated by me right away and if you ever need a mental break away from cameras or the other members, my apartment will be sort of a neutral zone for you to just chill. Actually,” you added, checking the date on your phone, “I’m supposed to look at apartments this weekend.”

“Really?” Chan looked up from his own food. “I’ll go with you.”

You choked on the bite you had just taken. After clearing your throat, you shook your head at him. “You don’t have to do that! You’re probably busy anyway.”

He shrugged. “I was just planning on working in the studio but I’ve been spending too much time in there anyway. Plus, I could help you find a space that’s good for all of us.”

You hummed. “That does make sense, but you really don’t have to if you don’t want to!”

Chan waved his chopsticks at you. “No no no no, I want to go with you!”

“Alright,” you huffed. “You can come with me, if you really want to.”

“Can I come, too?”

You turned to Jeongin and tilted your head. “You want to come?”

He nodded shyly and turned to Chan. “I don’t have any schedules in the morning.”

Chan shrugged back at him. “It’s fine with me if it’s alright with Y/N.”

You smiled at both of them. “Sure. I’m supposed to meet the real estate person at 9. I’ll text you the address.”

Hyunjin sighed loudly and flopped backwards. “Why do I have to have a vocal lesson? I want to go apartment shopping!”

Felix giggled and laid back until his head rested on Hyunjin’s stomach. “Hey, at least the rest of us can’t go either. We can all suffer together.”

Minho groaned and stood up. “If everyone is done eating, we should start practicing soon. I gave us an extra long break already.”

You all helped to clean up and shove the crates to the corner of the room. Chan told you that this was all they had for the day so you could just sit back and watch them.

“But this is brand new choreography,” he added playfully, “don’t take a video and spoil our moves on Twitter!”

You laughed at that. “I think that would violate around seven of my contracts.”

He smiled and took his place.

You watched them dance for a while, time seemed to slow down and pass faster at the same time.

Their moves were hypnotizing and there was one point where you audibly gasped and Minho turned back to smirk at you.

Your phone screen told you that a little over an hour had passed before the boys finally took a break. Each of them collapsed on the spot except for Minho, who made his way over to you.

With four other sweaty men in the room, you couldn’t exactly pinpoint his scent, and you didn’t remember what his file had said, but you could tell that he smelled sweet, which was a bit surprising. You had expected an alpha like him to have a harsher scent. A scent that deodorant companies would bottle up and name something like “CLIFF JUMP” or “CAR CRASH”. Maybe Minho would be “TIGER FANGS” if he had a scent like you had expected.

But he didn’t.

He sat next to you, wrapping a washcloth around his neck and draining his water bottle. “So.” He turned to face you. “What do you think?”

You raised your eyebrows at him jokingly. “I think your fans would appreciate more twerking.”

Hyunjin burst into a cackle and turned over so he was laying on his belly, then pressed his forehead into the floor. The others still seemed too exhausted to laugh, let alone move.

You smiled at them and made your way over to their water bottles, trying your best to remember which one belonged to which member.

You passed them out, receiving grateful smiles in exchange. When you got to Chan, instead of drinking from his bottle like the rest of the boys were and like any normal person would do after an hour of intense dancing, he just hugged his water bottle to his chest and grinned at you lazily.

“Thanks, Y/N. You didn’t have to do that.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “It’s literally in my job description to take care of you all. When are you going to get that through your head, Bang Chan?” You huffed, kicking his feet.

“Don’t even try with him, noona,” I.N wheezed, finally able to speak. “Hyung is allergic to being cared for.”

“Yeah,” you mused, “I got the feeling.”

They danced for a few more hours, using the last half to practice their older songs and keep them fresh.

At one point, you were caught unconsciously moving your arms and legs like the dance called for. Your face went hot when the boys started imitating you and calling you cute.

One of these days, you were going to die of a heart attack.

At least you would die happy.

At the end of dance practice, Felix sank into the seat next to you and laid his head on your shoulder. You were a bit surprised at the affection but you welcomed it happily, lifting your hand to run through his hair.

Chan came to stand in front of you, the other members packing up their water bottles in their bags.

“So,” he huffed, still not fully recovered from the workout, “do you want to quit yet or do you still think you can handle eight of us?”

You smiled at him teasingly. “Are you that desperate for me to quit? You could just fire me, at least I would get a good compensation package.”

Before Chan could respond, you felt a tug at your wrist and turned to see Felix sniffing along it. When he caught your curious gaze, his eyes widened and he dropped your wrist like it burned him.

“Sorry!” He licked his lips and your thoughts evaporated momentarily. “I didn’t- you just smell so good, noona.” He scooted away from you and looked guiltily at Chan.

Choosing to analyze that later, you moved back into Felix’s space. “Hey, it’s alright! Here,” you grasped his wrist in your hands, mirroring his previous position, “I’ll smell you and that way we’re even. If that’s okay with you.”

He smiled softly and nodded at you, so you lifted his wrist to your nose and- oh fuck.

Felix’s scent flooded your senses. It smelled mostly like lemon but with a hint of something sweet as well. Maybe lemon pie or lemon cake? Definitely something lemon flavored with frosting. You felt like you could have started floating like a cartoon character when they smell something tasty. It wasn’t fair that he could smell like this after hours of intense dancing.

“Shit.”

You looked up at the word and were honestly surprised to see the other boys there. It really just felt like you and Felix floating on a lemony cloud. Even Chan’s presence had faded away.

Hyunjin was staring at you with his mouth parted, his hands paused where they had been rifling through his bag.

You froze. What the hell did he mean by that? Were you going to be fired for smelling Felix? And right after you had joked about getting fired? What kind of sick irony was that?

Before you could spiral any further, Hyunjin turned to Chan with his lips pouted. “Hyung,” he whined, “they’re too sexy for people who are already cute! Tell them they can’t be cute and sexy!”

You snorted at that. “Well, then you’re breaking your own rule, Hwang Hyunjin.”

His mouth parted in surprise before his lips moved into a shy smile as he looked away and zipped up his bag.

Chan made sure everyone’s scent patches were on and they had their things before exiting the dance studio. You walked down to the cars, listening as the boys decided to just take one car and have Hyunjin spend the night at the other dorm. Chan told them he was staying at the studio, which surprised no one, but the announcement was still met with groans.

“Hey, you can’t just blame me this time,” he said defensively, “Changbin and Hannie are joining me there!”

The groans of the others continued. “That doesn’t make it better,” I.N muttered.

Chan rolled his eyes as you made your way outside and shoved them towards one of the waiting vans. Minho started corralling them while Chan waited with you for the next van to pull up. Felix suddenly shot forward and wrapped his arms around you, tucking his head into your neck like he was trying his best to smell you despite the scent blockers you wore. You hugged him back before Minho patted Felix’s butt in a little “let’s go” gesture. The two of them along with Jeongin and Hyunjin waved at you as they finally got into the van.

“Bye, noona!” “See you, noona!” “It was nice to meet you, noona!”

You smiled and waved back at the younger members. Minho, the last one to get in, turned to you. “I hope you manage to survive meeting the others,” he smirked.

As they drove off, Chan edged closer to you and bumped your shoulder with his. “That went well, I think.”

You grinned at him. “Yeah, just be sure to let me know if any of them secretly hate me.”

He rolled his eyes playfully. “They like you more than they like me, but sure.”

“Just wait until I have them kick you out and elect me to be the new leader of Stray Kids.”

The van pulled up next to the two of you. Chan sighed. “Well, I guess this is it. I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N. Or should I say leader-nim?”

His eyes glimmered at you in a way that made you want to take a picture and keep it in your wallet.

In order to keep what was left of your sanity, you turned to the van and opened the door. “Call me what you want,” you told him over your shoulder, “but can I call you mine?”

You took a seat in the van and watched his jaw drop before he started giggling. You closed the door and watched him as you drove away. He was still smiling and had brought his hands up to half-cup half-hide his face.

I could get used to a view like this.

…

Taglist:

(Bold means I can’t tag you, sorry for the inconvenience!)

@eastleighsblog

@detectivedoodle

@niaalove

@scarletrosesposts

@royal-shinigami

@peachbokkie

@yuhjoeyuh

@im-sinking-in-mud

@lex-black

@amara-mars

@usercaiskz

@plutoneu

@queenmea604

@emithecharmer

@wrrmnrr

@anxious-fruity-basket

@thatgirlangelb

@haikyuuisposts

@midnightvictorysword

@sirenthalia

@kaheizz

@jinniespuppy

@im-a-slut-for-this-man2

@freakinthesheets-excelexcel

@julciaqwerty

@linoboop

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edenfenixblogs · 5 months

Note

This is just terminology but regarding asking goyim to ID ourselves as such, may I ask if there's a specific reason you prefer that phrasing? Asking because I've previously heard that hearing someone self-describe as goyische can be a bit jarring due to Connotations from white supremacists "reclaiming" the term (scarequotes bc that's obviously not how reclamation works) so I'm wondering if you have an alternate perspective I should be taking into account or if it's just like, personal preference/not that deep.

Ah! @faggotry-enjoyer, My friend! I did not see this message from you until today! My deepest apologies!

I didn’t mean that every goy had to specifically call themselves goy. I’m just descended from Hungarian, Russian, French, and Mongolian Yiddish speakers and that’s more familiar a term to me than “gentiles.”

Personally, I’ve always found “gentiles” a little awkward as a term anyway. As I’ve stated repeatedly, goy is a fully neutral word with no positive or negative connotations. But the word “gentile” seems to have a weirdly positive connotation that I find off-putting. It seems far too close to the word “gentility” for me.

It feels like “gentile” is a person of “the gentility,” thus inherently socially, behaviorally, and aesthetically superior to non-gentiles (aka Jews). Perhaps this is just because of my relationship to Hebrew (and its use of root constructions that convey connotations in the base structure of the word) that this seems to be a term that is inherently critical of Jews in a pretty blatant way. But it always seems just…idk. Uncomfortable for me to use I guess. It feels like I’m putting myself down to elevate someone else and acknowledging their inherent superiority over me.

That said, I am in no way suggesting that this is how all Jews relate to this word. I have studied Hebrew since I was very young (I’m not a fluent speaker anymore, but I was once), and I’m a writer and love words and etymologies. It is extremely likely that I am thinking more about this than someone else would or does.

So, I say goy because it is the most neutral to me. It doesn’t convey that I’m better than a goy or that a goy is better than me.

When I said “goyim identify yourself as such,” I meant more generally, “if you’re not Jewish, please indicate that in your reblog or tags when reblogging from a Jewish person.”

And to anyone who is new to my blog, the reason I asked goyim to do this is because Jews feel very alone and hated right now and a very easy way to help us feel better is to just let us know that someone outside of our community sees and hears us. It so very often feels like we are shouting from inside a soundproof room and we can only hear and be heard by each other.

There are so very few Jews left in the world. It is simply impossible for us to survive if we advocate for ourselves alone. We need goyische voices alongside our own if we hope to be heard at all amongst those who outnumber us.

One thing about Jewish culture though, we all disagree a lot about a lot of things. Someone probably does find it offensive to self-label as a goy. Someone else probably finds it offensive to reject the idea of self-labeling as a goy.

However, by and large, I think most Jews won’t be concerned that you’re appropriating our language and culture if you are using our language to identify yourself as someone who supports our culture. Yiddish isn’t a religious language, but a cultural one. While Judaism is a closed-practice religion, Yiddish is the language of our culture in exile. It is the language we used while existing in a goyische world that was and remains hostile toward Jews.

I think, personally, that if you’re not using our language to demean us, it’s not off limits. Like, call yourself a goy! You are one! It’s not a bad thing! But, like, don’t call Jews you disagree with schmucks or something like that. And, obviously, if someone is antisemitic then I do not want them using Yiddish at all.

If someone wants to condemn our culture, then I loathe the idea of them picking out the parts they can use for their own purposes. If you reject an entire culture, you do not get access to the parts of that culture you like, imho.

So, I guess (in answer to your question) it is personal preference but is also that deep. Jewish culture is old, deep, and complex. I'd never speak for other Jews, and I'm sure plenty disagree with me on this. But I have personally never heard of a Jewish person offended that a goy calls themselves a goy. Personally, I find it endearing.

#yiddish #language #Jewish culture #Jewish history #langblr #for the goys #judaism son

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absolutebl · 2 years

Text

Thai Names & BL

Why SO Weird (to Westerners)

You're looking for information on the Thai chue len.

We might say "nickname" but the actual translation is "play name." And it's what an anthropologist might call a "use name." So this is the name you go by IRL, not necessarily your legal name.

First I should say that this is a lot more common than westerns realize, even in our own past. Many Roman women, for example, we know operated under what amounts to a chue len. And it was probubly quite common among the lower classes in Ancient Egypt and Greece, too. But since the poor and females are chronically understudied there isn’t a ton of data (or written records, for that matter).

The chue len has to do in part with the history of names in Thailand, and the fact that until relatively recently most people only had a given name and a chue len, and then when government regulations went into effect mandating a last names it quickly became really complicated.

You can read a great article on Thai naming conventions here. It’s fun to learn about. I highly recommend it. And I am going to assume you did read it and now talk only about the bits left out and odd.

The bit most BL watchers ask me about is answered in this statement:

“Many Thai nicknames are derived from English words. They may be English sounding names (such as ‘Anna’) or more obscure words that are chosen for their meaning, e.g. Book (symbolising intelligence), Bank (symbolising wealth).”

However, like most English words used in Thai, they aren’t pronounced the way we would pronounce them. (Hell when have you ever heard an American pronounce something like a Brit, anyway?)

One amusing example is “bur” which is Thai for “phone number.” It’s our word, but they made it... better. You can watch Dean ask for Pharm’s digits using just this one word (in the scene where he drops him off for the first time in UWMA).

What the article doesn't say about chue len is that sometimes they are chosen for fun/silly as a baby name (like fatty) and then changed by the person themselves at any point in their life.

You can opt to change your chue len whenever you want, since it's not a legal name. Also its not uncommon to have different ones with different groups (so one for friends, another for family, one for the public if you’re a celebrity, another for your lover).

Daonuea (literally starnorth AKA Polaris or the Northstar) in Star in My Mind does this, he uses two: Nuea with friends, Dao with intimates.

I hope you can see how in a language where you use your OWN NAME for the I pronoun regularly, this is VERY easy to do?

Also, the article doesn’t say that a chue len can also be based on a popular band/idol/actor at the time of birth. I understand from my Thai bestie that Golf/Gulf was one of these for a while back in the 90s? I think.

Anyway, I also found Thai names odd to start, now I barely notice or register. Partly because what we read in English captions often doesn’t really sound like what’s being said.

For example, both Tine & Type sound the same to me, like Tyyyyee.

Also I amuse myself with wondering how they got that name. Like if a baby is named Bbomb - erm, did they blow out their diaper all the time? Probubly not because that’s very English culture specific, but I’m still amused. Was War a really violent child? Are all those Flukes happy accidents? Why is Gameplay called Gameplay? Was he a big gamer who chose it for himself? Or did his parents get together because of an in-game romance?

It’s fun to think about the reason, because there usually is one.

There’s another naming convention the article doesn’t really talk about, which is all the chue lens amongst siblings often either rhyme (e.g. Win & Lin in Cupid’s Last Wish) or start with the same letter. Thai BL Kpop idol Bambam of GOT7 talks about this (he and his sibs all have B names). And also, hilariously, the fact that he actually doesn’t know his own brother’s given name because they have always just used the chue len with each other so he never had to learn it.

Some actors will take and go by (at least for a time) a more western sounding name (Phoom --> Pavel) but you’ll hear their Thai friends using their Thai name or a different chue len (much like some Korean idols). Others will go by a Thai name for in country work (Stewart --> Perth).

There is an episode of 2022′s Safe House where GMMTV actors all talk about their use names and where they come from and their siblings names etc... but no one ever translated it and I’m a dumbass who didn’t save that ep to link, sorry.

Here on Tumblr we tend to tag actors by their chue len + given name, partly because many actors choose that as their social media handles on IG etc...

Finally, you can watch Perth talk about some of this here on his YT channel.

from a question from @doorajar

(source)

#thai bl #thai names #why are thai names so weird #thai given names #chue len #thai cheu len #thai nickname #war wanarat #gameplay garnpaphon #tharntype #Gulf Kanawut #pavel phoom #Perth Nakhun #Perth Stewart #thai linguistics #thai language

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psychopomp-recital · 25 days

Note

hi I just wanted to ask: what drew you to death magic specifically? and, if your comfortable, how do you deal with grief (both yours and others) by being a death witch? (plz don't feel obligated to answer if it's too invasive /gen)

Oh not too invasive at all! Thank you for being so polite, this response is very long I’m sorry you asked a rather deep question 🩵 CONTENT WARNING IN TAGS

What drew me onto this path?

TLDR; I have always been surrounded death and it has been an ever present part of my life. I hated the idea that when someone died they were gone forever that’s it. Because regardless if you believe in spirits, I hope we can all agree that we’re all collections of the ancestors who make up our bodies & the ancestors who make up our personalities, we are who we are because of those passed on. And I can all but hope that someday someone will remember me and my stories the same way I remember these folks.

I want to be a good ancestor someday.

THE LONG ANSWER

I was raised in the Southern United States. The culture of this area is that surrounded in death. Everywhere you go there is haunted places and cemeteries. There’s also a strong sense of family there, this feeling that everyone is woven and interconnected.

I was raised Mormon and by a folk magical family who taught me the importance of ancestor work. I understood that these folks are part of me, by blood or otherwise they have made me who I am.

I was raised holding hands with my ancestors chronic illness. I looked it in the face everyday. Haunted by the idea that someday my body would rot away the same way I saw theirs rot, reminded everyday that illness could rip my mother from me without warning.

I eventually realized I could continue to ignore death, pray I have time on this earth to do what I want to do and run from it. Or I could embrace its role in my life and welcome it like an old friend.

I found comfort in the idea that I could help those who have passed on. The families who never got to say goodbye now had an opportunity to at least send the message. I could do my part to calm the fear these folks feel when they slip further into deaths grasp. I found a purpose for the pain I was experiencing.

If I could learn all I can while I’m alive, perhaps when I die I’ll be able to leave behind my knowledge and someone can keep this practice going. In that way, they keep me alive too.

I heard you die twice, once when they bury you in the grave And the second time is the last time that somebody mentions your name.

How do I handle the grief of others and the personal grief I experience?

I think I actually made a post on this! I’ll link it below!

But honestly it just comes down to boundaries, and being kind to yourself. It’s okay to cry and be upset and miss those lost to us. It’s okay to mourn for the dead you work with. YOU ARE STILL HUMAN. Don’t loose sight of that.

Also if you check out #MyPsychopompJournal you’ll see some entries on grief and my raw experiences with it. The one below in particular is a pretty good example;

Let me know if you are interested in a more in depth post about how I handle grief personally because I don’t want to ramble more than I already have!

ASK MY ANYTHING ASKS ARE OPEN!

#cw: death #cw: chronic illness #cw: grief #death witch #death work #ask a death witch #witchblr #death witchcraft #folk practitioner #folk witchcraft #pagan #folk magic #folk practice #queer witch #witchcraft #death worship #ask a psychopomp

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lorenzobane · 1 year

Text

Happy Evil Author's Day to me :) This one is called "Federation Viewpoint," and I do hope to finish it one day. Basically, this one takes the framing device of the 5 things Garak learned about the Federation prior to his exile.

Prologue

“Welcome,” Grentak says, “to A Federation Overview for Non-Federation Specialists. If you were looking for “An Overview of Causeway Nations for Federation Specialists,” that is down the hall.”

Garak hears a few muffled footsteps and curses as a few other Order agents shuffle out of the room. Internally, he can’t help but think this is a profound waste of time. He specializes in what the Order terms “Causeway Nations.” Or, Non-Federation worlds that, while usually not allies of Cardassia, do tend to share a general antipathy for the tendencies of Starfleet. He’s learned Klingon, Romulan, Tzenkath, and a few others and considers himself an expert on their culture.

Why he also needs to receive an overview of an empire he never intends to see is beyond him.

The presenter, Grentak, starts talking again after the shuffle is complete. “I’m sure several of you are wondering about the wisdom of this course. It must seem highly inefficient and hardly furthering the Cardassian empire. However, we have found that this type of broad basis of understanding of overall Alpha Quadrant politics greatly improves the overall efficacy of our agents.”

What follows is a somewhat tedious history lesson that Garak is aware of; the Federation was founded out of a mixture of Vulcan, Andorian, Tellurite, and Earth cultures and represented a “Federation” of planets, not a nation the way the Cardassian Empire might understand it. To Garak it sounds horrendously divided and weak because of it.

Nonetheless, he pulls out his PADD and begins taking notes.

—-----------

Chapter 1

“One of the most striking tendencies of humans, specifically, is an almost unbearable urge to pack bond,” Grentak begins. “Pack bonding, as you may be aware, refers to the tendency of social animals to group together to form strong social bonds that allow for greater problem-solving. A great many cultures are prone to it, Cardassia very much included. However, humans take this tendency to a remarkable extreme. They can form deep, intense, and lasting bonds with creatures of nearly any species.”

Garak scoffs internally.

“As a result, we often tell our agents if you want information from a human, it makes very little sense to cause pain. It makes them lie. If, however, you are able to gain their trust and convince them that you are one of their ever-expanding pack, then they will give you information without you even having to ask. This technique was used to great effect by–”

“Well, if you ask me,” Bashir says, gesturing with one hand, “the book was a terrible tragedy.”

Garak’s eyebrows shoot up. He had given Bashir a reasonably famous comedy from the Cardassian Empire, Sanctions of Destruction. Written in the late Shri-Ep dynasty, the book has many of the staples that would eventually become commonplace in the literature of the state.

“Tragedy, Doctor? I think you’ll find that you are actually reading one of the most famous comedies of all time.”

Bashir takes a beat and then laughs. Garak raises an eyebrow ridge.

“Nothing, it's just… There is a famous human playwright, Shakespeare, and people often say that his tragedies can be as funny as his comedies, and his comedies can be as sad as his tragedies.”

“What is it that you found so tragic, Doctor?”

“Well,” Bashir starts before taking a long drag of his tea, “you can’t help but feel bad for poor Mila.”

Garak withholds the wince. Mila, one of the main characters, marries a man who she strongly dislikes at the urging of her father. The name of the titular character is a coincidence, he assures himself.

“Of course, but the comedy comes from her resistance. Ultimately, a good Cardassian knows that we all must serve the state first but our family second. Her hesitation and attempts at obfuscation and delay create circumstances that need to be frantically dealt with instead of the calm leisure of discipline and service.”

“I suppose I thought she would be happy in the end; you told me it was a light-hearted comedy. I agree that our loved ones are important, and their considerations should be valued, but surely you know people can be wrong just as Cardassians can be wrong. Who is to say that this man her father chose for her would be compatible?”

“He’s from a good family,” Garak counters. “He was raised with good values. Her father likes his parents. These traits indicate that they are likely to share a world view that will eventually lead to a prosperous union and many children.”

“Fat Cardassian babies,” Bashir says with an amused twinkle in his eye. “In any case, I can’t imagine being happy with something like that.”

“Of course not, Doctor. You are entirely too self-motivated.”

“Are you calling me selfish?”

Garak held up a hand peaceably. “Surely no one could accuse such a dedicated doctor of selfishness. And if I understand correctly, humans are allowed to reap the benefits of the empire without contributing to it unless they are personally interested.”

“First of all,” Bashir laughs, “thank you for the compliment. Second, the Federation isn’t an Empire.”

“We can get into that particular bit of sophistry later. For now, I am afraid I have to go- Morn has made an appointment for yet another pair of custom lingerie. I certainly appreciate the value of a variable wardrobe, but that man should learn to repurpose.”

“You really ought to hire someone, you know.”

Garak gave him a customer service smile. “Such excellent advice, Doctor. I’ll be sure to take it under advisement.”

Julian raised both of his hands in a human gesture for surrender. “Fine, then. Be that way. Don’t work yourself too hard, though; I hate when my friends end up in my sickbay.”

Garak’s brain spirals for a moment, but Bashir keeps chattering about how he wishes he could impress upon everyone in the station the importance of thinking through the consequences of interspecies mating before they take their pants off. A friend. Was it really so simple for humans? Julian had, only recently, saved him from certain death, but Garak had been under no illusions. The Doctor helped because he was helpful, and the doctor was kind to him because the doctor is kind. But here they are. He had been cruel, difficult, and insulting, and yet–

Humans will pack bond with anything. A voice haunts his mind. It appears that Garak, of all people, might be considered, by a particularly stunning and accomplished human, to be worth forming a bond with. To be worth knowing and trusting deeply. The Order agent in him crows; how much could he make the good Doctor give him now that they have established trust? Could he get enough information to go back to Cardassia?

Garak shakes his head at his own foolishness. Tain is the only one who can end his exile, and if there were information that Bashir had that Tain wanted, he never would have been let off the planet.

Which means… Which means…

Garak has simply… Made a friend.

As he walks away, he can’t help but remember the warmth, the joy in Bashir’s eyes, the way his mouth twisted along the edge of his dessert spoon, and think that Federation's insidiousness goes much further than he realized.

#my writing #evil authors day #garashir

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numbknee · 1 year

Note

Enough of the suffering thru the asks abt all the other cartman ships, what abt your brain rot? 🥺 what *are* your thoughts on kyman?? Go ham dude

ooooh dear... where to begin with the kyman brainrot....... I guess I’ll start at the beginning. VERY LONG POST under the cut. this is basically my kyman meta magnum opus lmao

I’ve talked about this ad nauseam before, but I really, REALLY didn’t want to get into south park. I had only ever watched like 2 full episodes before 2021 and I simply did not understand the appeal. I just thought the draw to the show was the shock factors: gross-out humor, children swearing and committing violence, and blatant bigotry played for laughs. I didn’t understand how it could be so popular other than “well I guess there are lots of horrible people out there who like this horrible show.”

I grew up in a very WASP-y town and had peers in elementary/middle school who learned about the existence of antisemitism and other bigotries through south park. because kids are stupid and don’t understand satire, many of them took it at face value and were able to have shittons of words added to their vocabulary to put people down and insult them. it was horrible tbh. and I hated the show for that, even as a young kid. I personally wasn’t perfect by any means but even as a snot-nosed, extremely sheltered little white girl I knew that you just shouldn’t do that shit. our school system in particular lauded the “golden rule” constantly (we had to do a school-specific pledge after the pledge of allegiance every day... yeah I know, very american) and I was like “cmon, you guys can’t even follow that ONE RULE to be a semi-decent human being?? really??”

anyway at the end of 2021, my younger brother asked me to watch the post-covid specials with him and he was very excited about it. I was immediately hesitant, especially because in recent years he has become alarmingly incel-y and took a hard turn to the right while I became a leftist. I reluctantly agreed to sit through it to try to understand him more because, even though his political ideology sucks ass, he’s still my brother and I do love him.

so I watched the specials, and I came out the other side of it shell-shocked with how surprisingly good the writing was. THIS stupid show, the show that all this time I thought was bottom-of-the-barrel comedy, was... GOOD??? particularly regarding CARTMAN??

the only things I knew about cartman going into it were the following: he’s fat, he says the name “kyle” weird, and he’s a horrible antisemite. and they made him grow up to be a freaking RABBI. it completely caught me off guard and *gasp* actually made me laugh???? what????

there were plenty of other things I loved about the post-covid specials, like my depressed ass relating WAAAY too hard with stan, the extremely on-the-nose satire of the state of advertisement/capitalism with the stupid “denny’s applebee’s max” restaurant chain gag and all the old people being shoved into a giant prison retirement home once they aren’t productive anymore, kenny getting sick of the gang’s bullshit and writing “FUCK THESE HOES” on a beloved childhood photo, butters become a snake-oil salesman for NFTs, kyle being told to “think like a kid” and like 2 seconds later realizing they need to look up kenny’s ass. I could go on but you get the point.

I liked it way more than I thought I ever would. and obviously, I often find south park funny for different reasons than my brother does because matt & trey are very good at toeing the line of appealing to both sides of the american political spectrum, but it’s become a point of bonding between us in the year since I started watching the show and I’m grateful for that.

of course, since i’m terminally on tumblr and ao3, I also started to dive into the fandom of south park. I had heard about the whole creek thing years ago and waved it off as a stupid gag but then I realized wait, holy shit, there’s actually a GIGANTIC shipping culture around south park??? at first I got into style because of the interesting concept of post-covid kyle and stan reconnecting after decades apart and not being the same people they used to be but trying to make it work anyway (I even wrote a fic about it ahahaa...)

but after a while I got tired of the ship because as I watched the rest of the show, I realized their relationship just wasn’t as interesting as I thought it would be. like they’re best friends but... why? because they’ve known each other forever? they both like video games? they make fun of cartman together? the fact they’re “super-best-friends” is kind of taken for granted by the show and the audience, but imo matt and trey never really explore the intricacies of their relationship very much. y’all can disagree with me on this but idk, all I know is that I got bored with style as a ship after like 2 months.

while scrolling through ao3 and tumblr, I ran across kyman fics/fanart for the first time back in february or so. at first I was appalled because... why the everloving fuck would you ship the blatant antisemite with the jewish kid??? really???? isn’t style a much better choice??? but sheer curiosity got the better of me, so I did what I always do when I’m curious about a ship: select for fics with kyle broflovski/eric cartman, sort by kudos, and read the first result (or in this case the second because the first had creek as the main ship). y’all know which fic that is if you’ve even slightly gotten into kyman. it was interesting, but I personally didn’t see them as the actual characters from the show in that fic. they were fandom versions of kyle and cartman, with their personalities changed enough to fit the standard mlm shipping dynamic that’s popular in fandom spaces (particularly regarding dom/sub aspects). I’ve seen it happen in plenty of other fandoms so I wasn’t surprised, but I still couldn’t see how it could possibly work if one were to use their canon character depictions.

all the while I was making my way through episodes of the show cuz it’s long af, and over time I became more and more intrigued with kyle and cartman’s relationship. cartman quickly became my favorite character in the show because of how fucking complex and layered his personality is (see my tags on this post), and though kyle despises cartman in countless ways, he still is the only one who consistently tries to find goodness in him, tries to make him change for the better, saves him when no one else will, and remains his friend despite everything. it’s a remarkably complex dynamic.

little hints of kyman started creeping up on me: cartman being frequently queer-coded as a closeted gay kid. kyle getting extremely jealous of cartman and heidi’s relationship. both of them on separate occasions saving the other from death or injury without wanting any credit for it or lording it over each other. “we've been through a lot together, and... maybe that alone doesn't make us friends, but it makes us something”

needless to say, I started to get it. and then I encountered the straw that broke the camel’s back: “know your enemy” by elsen on ao3. I’m not exaggerating when I say I’ve read that fic probably over a dozen times. it was shockingly well-written and so in-tune with the style and tone of the show that I was like “is this person spirit-channelling trey parker or something wtf???” and all of a sudden, I could see how, in a different universe, kyman could actually be an endgame ship.

what sold me on it the most was how in-character it seemed for cartman to be a repressed, denial-ridden sub, especially regarding his desired relationship with kyle. there’s plenty of canon evidence that cartman has a secret crush on kyle (see this vid by johnny 2 cellos), but there’s no way that kyle could reciprocate those feelings, right?? imo kyle would probably rather die than enter a romantic relationship with cartman where he had to submit to him all the time, but if cartman would want kyle to be dominant over him??? where kyle has control and is able to curb cartman’s problematic behavior as he sees fit??? that opens up a whole other door of possibilities.

I think what kyle wants more than anything else in the world regarding cartman is for the goodness he sees deep down inside him to come to the surface, and for kyle to be the one to guide him (or force him when necessary) to becoming a better person through love and patience and inherent understanding of his fucked up little head??? I can definitely see kyle wanting that (especially since I see kyle as a repressed, denial-ridden sadist/dom lmao; see this post for my thoughts on that).

it was all downhill from there. I found tons of other cool kyman shippers on tumblr and twitter whose writing and fanart helped suck me in even more and I’ve been stuck in kyman hell ever since. special shoutout to the asker for her kyman analysis posts that inspired this fic I wrote! love u boo <3

ANYWAY that’s how I became a whore for kyman lolololol ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ have a nice day everybody

#if you read this whole thing i love u #i hope to god no one i know irl finds this blog 🙃🙃🙃#this also doubles as a personal fandom history for myself lol #kyman #ask #my post

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tamelee · 4 months

Text

I skimmed through it a bit but I think OP did somewhat decent research on the topic of fetishization regarding shipping/fandom. Such criticism is in many ways very valid. Very prevalent in the t/b-discourse as well. OP themselves say that it’s a new exploration on the topic so it’s of no surprise to me that it’s written as a broad generalization.

And very irrelevant to the actual story or the question that was asked.

So, no- it’s not good criticism because the irrelevant conclusion doesn’t say anything about SNS specifically. And how valid is it anyway if it stated that the bond between Naruto and Sasuke is no different from other characters? Lmao, that’s downright wrong in every way and disrespectful to the craft even if you don’t agree with them as a couple. Even Naruto/Sasuke haters are able to see otherwise and it’s often a source of hatred in the first place. Their ‘rivalry’ is explored in the story and in many ways actual ‘text’ is used to explain it further, how it came to be and what it eventually means. The person of the Ask, asked a very valid question, yet all of that is dismissed for the sake of a conversation regarding fetishization in fandom and using that to criticize and disprove SNS.

It’s the whole “Kishimoto didn’t know what he was doing”- argument all over again but coated with fancy words. That’s not to say that everything is wrong, I’m just saying fandom is irrelevant to the actual story. SNS-fans say unhinged things as well and there are many things I don’t agree with either. Assumptions about Kishimoto’s personal life and stating those ideas as being true or even remotely provable is definitely one of them. Chastising shippers from other fandoms for using filler-material and then flaunting a ‘SNS’-quote from a novel written by the same person that provided the filler-material for other ships is most definitely another. There is certainly fetishization happening in this fandom and that’s not something you can simply fight or disprove of in a way in order to remove it completely. It still got nothing to do with the story itself though or Kishimoto’s intentions regarding ‘Naruto’. OP lumps us all together and assumes a fan’s entire thought-pattern, thinks majority of us are Western (which blames any valid argument on culture which is bollocks) and don’t know anything about Japan if we think there is gay-subtext because surely Japan doesn’t unless it was meant to (which is rich tbh), our ideology that we all apparently share and decides to criticize all of us because of our toxicity and internalized misogyny. ‘Because an SNS-fan is all of that and therefore whatever we say is wrong.’ That isn’t okay for any of us to do regarding other sub-fandoms, nor is it in this case. And yet OP continues to say that they don’t personally prefer SNS followed with more subjective thoughts which is fine, but doesn’t prove anything. Honestly, in what way did you think this was better criticism? At what point did it actually answer the question or did it link their newly acquired research to the story?

“As expected from Sasuke fans lol.”

...uh, if you say so 👀 I'd personally would be a bit more specific. And I'm sorry but I don't know the other person you talked about ><

😩 you are all torturing yourselves reading these tbh

#asktamelee #fandom talk

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7serendipities · 1 year

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Dryads and Wood-Wives: A Question of Categorization

I got an interesting question on tumblr last week, and while I’m not going to copy the entire thing over here, nor my entire rambling response, I thought it brought up two important worldview questions that might illuminate my practice a bit for ya’ll, and may help out others who are new to walking the path of a fairy witch.

The first question was, basically: is a Germanic wood-wife the same thing as a Greek dryad? Are these just two names for the same exact thing? On the surface, it does sort of seem that way; they’re described in very similar terms. But one of the trickiest things about the realms of Fairy (and one that I think is the hardest for people to wrap their heads around) is that we can’t cleanly separate fairies into specific species. There’s a lot of evidence in the Scottish Witch Trial manuscripts that the difference between a devil and an imp and a fairy and an elf was pretty much a difference of attitude, and that the same being might be called two or more of these terms even by the same person.(1) And there’s plenty of folkloric evidence that these beings can change their appearance, or at least deceive our senses. So we just can’t quantify and identify them as we do with animals and plants, and just because they seem similar doesn’t necessarily mean they are the same.

On top of that, we have to add the complexities of culture - both ours and theirs. I think it’s reasonable to say that some of the Fair Folk seem to have a sort of symbiotic relationship with nearby humans, to the point that there’s some cultural bleed between the two groups.(2) So it would make sense to me that the dryads would have more Greek sensibilities and prefer offerings of common Greek foodstuffs, whereas wood-wives would have more Germanic sensibilities and prefer more common Germanic foodstuffs - and that seems to be born out in the folklore about what to offer and how to give it. So it doesn’t make sense to me to try and force a pattern on that - there’s no way to reduce them all, to the point where you can say “all feminine forest spirits should be offered [some kind of food]”. I think it’s better to just not worry about whether wood-wives and dryads are the same “species” and instead of highlighting the similarities, learn about the differences, so that you don’t accidentally offend anyone.(3) When I encounter new beings in the landscape, either Over Here, or Over There, as I’m going about my business, one of the things I ask is what they call themselves - not their Name or even name, but what type of a being they want me to know them as. They are usually willing to either show or tell me enough that I can at least figure out what paradigm will work best in my interactions with them, and I then move forward treating them as the folklore surrounding that being suggests that I should.(4)

That brings me to the second question: do fairy beings travel to places other than where their original folklore is from? I think they do. I think it would be strange to think that only humans travel across our world, when plants and animals have done their best to migrate (with and without our help) as well. I also think that the symbiosis I spoke about in the last section plays a roll, but this time on a more macro scale. I’ve heard stories of brownies and nisser traveling with their families on boats to the Americas, and there are stories of fairy beings being “chased out” of certain areas (often by Christian priests). I don’t think it’s a stretch to think that some of them might’ve come that way to the Americas or Australia or wherever. Personally, I’ve met a lot of fairy beings who, when I ask them what type of being they are, identify themselves as something from European folklore. Near where I live, it’s been mainly beings known from Celtic or British or Germanic cultural folklore, and I think that makes sense given the colonial history of this area. (I’ve met some indigenous otherworldly beings as well, but they’re usually fairly shy, and so far none of them are specifically symbiotic to the indigenous cultures of that side of my family, but I’m nowhere near the traditional homelands, either.) I wouldn’t be super surprised, either, to find beings from Central American or Islamic or Korean folklore nearby, either, considering the current demographics of the area, but I also can’t say that I would necessarily recognize them if I did, as I’m not as well versed in those. Generally though, I think it’s not impossible to find beings from any culture that is currently represented in your area or has ever lived there, because these beings are usually believed to be both powerful and long-lived, and it’s therefore a good idea to just learn as much as you can about anyone you might encounter.

When I ask fairy-like otherworldly beings(5) what kind of a being they are, I’m not looking to categorize them, to check them off in a field guide, or to decide what “species” they belong to - I’m trying to gain context. How they present themselves tells me a little about their expectations, their likes and dislikes, and their sensibilities. And then I’ll use that information, and offer Dryads clean water, diluted wine, and olive oil, and offer wood-wives bread or other things made of grain, and perhaps a bit of milk. I’m a witch looking to create relationships, not a scientist trying to answer questions that might just be unanswerable.

See Emma Wilby’s Cunningfolk and Familiar Spirits (Sussex Academic Press, 2005), and Seo Helrune (www.seohelrune.com) has talked about the same in the Nordic sphere, with alfe vs jotnar, in some of their classes.

“Symbiotic” here not necessarily meaning “mutualistic” (benefitting both parties) on a micro scale. I think it’s likely that it’s mutualistic on a macro scale of our two populations, but on a micro scale yeah some humans definitely get fucked over, more along the lines of commensalism or straight-up predation.

Really, learning as much as you can in order to avoid giving accidental offence is probably my #1 Fairy Witchcraft rule.

To an extent: there’s plenty of folklore that says “don’t ever fucking talk to these omg just leave quickly and pretend you didn’t see them”. That’s fairly wise for those wishing not to end up in deep water with the Fair Folk but as I’m already fully submerged, I don’t always look away - I trust that my bargains and roles and allies will keep me safe in most normal situations, and I don’t try to mess around with things above my pay grade. A lot of my discernment has been just figuring out what is and is not within my pay grade, and while I might not rush inside and barricade the door if I see a kelpie, I’m not likely to touch it or try to banish it, either. To quote Morgan Daimler, “I like my liver on the inside.”

There’s some disagreement about whether “fairy” includes non-European folkloric otherworldly beings, and more about whether it should, so just to be clear, when I use “fairy” I do mean it in the more general “folkloric otherworldly being” sense. But I try to use “fairy-like” when I’m explicitly talking about non-European folkloric otherworldly beings, out of respect for people in their source cultures who might not feel like the word “fairy” is appropriate. Some of that, I find, is because of a misunderstanding of what a “fairy” is, based on popculture, though - I had a long discussion with a Persian friend about fairies and djinn where at the end we basically decided both terms covered the same basic category, but she originally had thought all fairies were small Tinkerbell types which did not seem at all like her understanding of djinn!

#fairy witchcraft #witchcraft #fair folk #fae #spiritwork

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firein-thesky · 2 years

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i saw you say you're ready to die on the fact that gojo has mommy issues... would i be overstepping if i ask for some thoughts 👀

not overstepping AT ALL. pls. i could talk ab this forever. do you understand the can of worms you just opened. i’ve been staring at this for the last hour trying to speed through the rest of my work so i could answer it.

alright so LISTEN. i jUST THINK. gojo’s mother is horrid. i think she is both obsessed with and resents gojo for being her god-child. he’s her only son. her perfect son. he both can do no wrong and is coveted by her and also will never be enough for her. or maybe can never repent or be good enough for her? i guess i just imagine the type of woman that gave birth to a god-child in her own right. did he tear her apart? does she hate him for it? does she wish it’d been her? and that she wasn’t just The Mother? was he her blessing or her curse? i imagine she deeply spoiled him and also was hyper critical of him. i think perhaps she even used him in that terrible emotional way mothers can do with their sons—if her marriage was unfulfilling or an arranged marriage—she used gojo’s love in replacement of the love she wasn’t receiving from his father. or the other men in her life. i think he was a momma’s boy who also deeply resented her. i think she taught him what love looked like and that love looked like curses; or that all the strongest curses come from love, anyways.

i think she’d be the worst mother in law to have maybe ever lol.

i’m also very interested in mother dynamics in stories in general—and in specifically fantasy stories, i guess. i think often in fantasy stories mothers unconditionally love their sons; all he has to do is be hers, whether her bastard or her boy-prince or her villain or her hero. but daughters in fantasy stories often receive their mother’s ire (i mean this is often true in real life, too) but the daughter often receives her mother’s trauma and is often the carrier of both generational and cultural trauma. in fantasy stories, mothers are often the son’s only comfort in a difficult world. daughters don’t usually receive that comfort or in any case carry their mother far more heavily than the sons. which does, in many ways, reflect our reality HOWEVER i am also deeply interested in flipping this trope and i think gojo just is perfect for it. i look at him and i see mommy issues lol.

i’ll stop rambling and leave you with this little scene that is already on the cutting floor and will not be included in my massive dark arranged marriage gojo fic because i’ve decided it needs to always remain in the reader’s pov:

#i could talk too long ab this. i have other scenes and i had other scenes planned with gojo’s mom i will no longer be writing #ANYWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING THIS!!!!!!!!!!#satoru gojo x reader #gojo satoru #jjk

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decolonize-the-left · 1 year

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Ok I’m just real confused by this and figure different perspectives will help. What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

I'm rolling my eyes so fucking hard at this attempt at a "good-faith" ask sent by someone who's Clearly a TERF. Y'all always say "I just want opinions" and then proceed to ask the most bigoted bullshit???

Shut up is my opinion.

Especially with all the weirdly specific caveats you have for how I answer too, very boxy in the definition and clearly you think it's hard to answer. You think you got me, huh? Finally gonna get someone to admit that sex matters more than gender by posturing it as a question of sexuality? Finally someone will say biology is more valid.

You wish.

I'm only answering your question because I want you to know how wrong you are and I want everyone else to see this too for educational purposes.... This is what a "covert" TERF looks anon looks like.

Anyway the answer is:

Who cares :3

It's not a matter of what they get from men they can't get from women. But if you must know (and this may be shocking so hold tight) most gay men think men are hotter than women. What they get is to be with someone who they think is hot. That's what gay men have to offer other gay men that that women can't.

And it's not sexist to say that you're attracted to masculinity, femininity, or androgyny either. Those things have literally nothing to do with sex. Women can be masculine, men are feminine, etc. And yes what is considered fem/masc/andro varies from culture to culture. I fail to see what that has to do with anything or how it affects anything.

If I'm in the USA and I say I prefer femininity then people in USA immediately understand what I mean, they understand my preference. If I was somewhere else then they would obviously just assume I mean whatever their definition of femininity is. And maybe I relate to their definition or maybe I don't. If I'm in the country and need to redefine my preferences so locals will understand what I mean then I will. It's not hard. Just because cultural definitions change doesn't mean Attraction changes. It just means having to learn new labels.

Anywaaay

Like most people they just go "wow that person is attractive"when they see someone. What makes that person attractive is subjective and varies from person to person. One person's type may not be another's. If you identify as gay though it means your type is most often people that also identify as men (whatever that means in their culture).

Identities are not prisons with rules you have to live by, they're just convenient labels. Saying you're gay just means you're a dude who largely prefers other people that also identify as dudes.

That said, gay men and straight men hook up with each other sometimes. Sometimes gay men even hook up with lesbians and neither one changes labels ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ Nor do they have to. All that matters is that they both consent to what happens.

Our communities and labels have Always been used this way. We've always said sexuality and attraction and identity are fluid. Labels are just the easiest way to get your preferences across. That's it. They're not meant to be cages or definitions that you can perform wrong.

TERFs are so dumb "someone could just lie" Why would they do that? Who do you think is lying to date gay men??? Y'all are freaks for constantly having your brains wired to "how could I make LGBTs out to be predators"

Got any Freudian confessions to make?

Are you only attracted to people you can get something from anon? Do you think people need to have something to offer you in order for you to be attracted to them? How do you decide what they have to offer just by looking at them? Does your attraction hinge on that? Do you think that you need to have something to offer other people for them to be attracted to you? What is it that you think you offer if you don't think it's anything you listed?

How exactly have you objectified yourself just to fit in the bigoted boxes you bought for everyone else? How exactly have you reduced your own personhood? Were you aware that when you started the TERF pipeline that it would mean reducing yourself to just a set of organs? Did you know you'd have to trade in your ability to be a full, complex person in order to be a TERF instead? Do you know what self-objectification is?

Do you think your own gender is a performance? Do you believe your sexuality is? Do you think you're confused by attraction because your own idea of it is muddied by the lens of objectification & rigid rules you're trying to place on top of gender and sexuality? If there were no rules would you still identify the way you do? If nobody was there to tell you how to be, do you know if you'd still be you?

You know that you have more than just organs to offer your partners, right?

#asked #answered #terf

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pjthewitch · 11 months

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Hey! I had a question about smudging... A lot of people say it's appropriating Indigenous culture.. However, we have a similar pagan tradition in my country (we use pine needles for the bundles that we burn, or sometimes paper)... Is it okay if I practice smudging based on my pagan tradition? I know this sounds like a dumb question but with so many people getting upitty online, I felt it would be better to ask...

not a dumb question at all! there is a lot of conflicting information online, and there are a lot of conflicting opinions even within my people.

i think the most important to consider, is that smudging is a very specific and sacred thing to my people. i’m gonna simplify a little bit because the significance of smudging would take forever to explain, and i’m sure it differs across tribes. the way i was taught (i am ojicree, but i grew up being taught by the chippewa and oneida) smudging is when you burn (usually white) sage in order to cleanse. some people use sweet grass or cedar, but i am unsure of whether that is also smudging or whether it is something else. when i’ve gone to ceremonies, it has always been white sage.

it is 100% okay to practice your own tradition, but to call it smudging would be incorrect as far as i am aware. i’m not sure exactly which country/culture you’re from, but i’m going to assume that this is a cleansing method similar to what smudging is to my people. saying something like “cleansing” instead of smudging would be okay, or if it has a specific name that’s even better!

there are even some non-indigenous people who incorporate the burning of sage into their practice. as long as they call it “saging” or “cleansing” instead of “smudging”, and are being conscientious of the type of sage they use, i take no issue with it.

the real issue is when people appropriate the act of smudging. smudging is something that i still don’t fully understand, even as an indigenous person. i learned the proper way to smudge from attending ceremonies, but have lost a lot of the information from being disconnected from my people for a few years. most often when non-indigenous people say they smudge, they are not understanding what that truly means or how to do it correctly. most non-indigenous people are learning from books or videos, and most of these books or videos are made by non-indigenous people who make outlandish claims like “being taught by a native american shaman”. where i’m from, we do not have shaman, we have medicine men/women and elders. the main issue is when non-indigenous people practice smudging incorrectly, and refuse to be corrected by indigenous people. there is a way for non-indigenous people to respectfully smudge (the term cultural appreciation exists for a reason), but when they learn incorrectly, perpetuate misinformation, and then refuse to listen when indigenous people try to share knowledge, it is harmful.

the reason people get so upset about it, is because there are very few pieces of our spiritual practices left after colonization and genocide. it is very hurtful for us to see beliefs and practices, being taken by people who once tried to eradicate us. when these people talk over us and perpetuate misinformation, it continues the cultural genocide my people have been subjected to. cultural genocide can only end when non-indigenous people listen to our voices. i and many other indigenous people are open to non-indigenous people partaking in our culture and practices. personally, i think that it is an important part of repairing the damage done, and preserving what we have left. but non-indigenous people need to be open to correction from indigenous people before that is possible.

but yeah, to recap because i ended up rambling a little bit. you’re okay i think! it sounds like you are not practicing specifically smudging, but something similar from your own culture, and that is always okay! it might be a good idea to look into proper terminology, but as long as you are not appropriating smudging or spreading misinformation, you should be okay. i hope this isn’t even more confusing.

#answered #witchcraft #witchblr #witch

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juanitasuniverse1144 · 3 months

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I’m a theorist, I have so so so many headcanons it’s ridiculous. This could also be called ‘I explain questionable theories and you get upset because I managed to keep it in universe’.

One of my headcanons I’m exploring right now is kink/*wink wink* with my book Darkest Desires 🩷💙 (Genuinely writing it has been so hard and I’m losing resolve but it’s coming along!)

Now, when you think of our cinnamon roll couple you probably don’t go to the same place I do mentally so lemme break it down:

⭐️ As a person who is throughly traumatized and hangs out around a generation almost exclusively traumatized, I can say without a doubt most of us have multiple kinks (and shady ones at that).

Resulting headcanon: Bruh come on. These two are so traumatized, especially Steven. Sure he grew up pretty innocent, but trust me, innocence is sadly (and thankfully) not forever. Of course Steven still cries at everything and loves to sing and gets excited over nothing and he’s ADORABLE but well… once he is introduced there’s no telling what the hell is going to happen but it’s bound to be interesting.

⭐️ Connie is a sci-fy nerd. It’s in her blood, she loves to read, she’s savvy and smart. They literally acted out The Familiar Unfamiliar. Connie is nothing short of a dork and we love her for that.

Resulting headcanon: Connie totally writes and/or reads fanfiction. In Dark Desires, that’s the segue into kink because on one of Connie’s tabs is a bunch of saved kinky stories.

⭐️ Steven is a giant puppy boy. He’s playful and tries to be cheerful and his puppy dog eyes are a direct attack on you specifically. He’s so so cute 🥺 Someone who possess all that strength and is yet so gentle is just super powerful to me. Like he could destroy a whole lot before anyone got close to taking him down, and yet he chooses kindness almost all of the time.

Resulting headcanon: Steven is a power switch. He’s kind of a selfish lover, and I totally 98% believe Connie accidentally becomes a pillow princess most of the time. He likes to do the work to make her feel nice, it rarely ever crosses his mind to help himself along. Her pleasure is his, so it would make sense to me that regardless of the position, Stevens the gusto. The ones you’d expect to be gentle lovers are the ones with the most bang to their buck often, and Steven is a very passionate and expressive man. That would totally translate into “snuggle time” with Connie. *exhales* Wow keeping that PG-Debatable was hard.

⭐️ Connie is finally in control of her life after picking up that sword and swearing allegiance to the Crystal Gems. She doesn’t need to wield one anymore (not really) but she’s one of the bravest and fiercest knights in Gem Culture (and how can she not be with not dying in her weak human skin suit). Stevens hyperaffectionate, sweet and genuinely starving for her at all times. She’s independent so sometimes it can be too much, but she most often humors him with those cheeks still soft with baby fat and his cute face.

⭐️ Resulting headcanon: Submissive leaning switch. Period. COME ON, the people who fight the hardest in their everyday life could never be a full submissive, just like Steven probably isn’t a full dominant. Puzzle pieces. Of course she likes teasing and bossing him around (with consent) and of course Steven would do anything she asked him to do if he can find a way to do it. But sometimes your giant half alien boyfriend/fiance/husband is stressed and needs to release some stress in a healthy way that ends with cuddles and nap time.

I guess this is where my headcanon maybe diverges from things based on factual personality traits but I think Steven grows up to be a little jaded. It often happens when a lot of people your age just don’t relate to the things you’ve been through. You chameleon (mask) to match people’s energies if you can find the tolerance for it, but you never really truly feel like you fit in unless you’re with other traumatized people. Plus, hanging out with humans is gonna round him out a little, and he’ll pick up on human things especially geared towards men (though I personally think our Stevens closer to Gender-Fluid just leaning on masculine pronouns as preference).

⭐️ Resulting headcanon: Stevens a terminal flirt once he hits his middle to late 20’s. He likes when Connie blushes, he thinks it’s adorable so I’m sure Steven would spend a lot of his time flirting with her (now whether or not it’s working is the question) using his Universe Charm~ 😂 I’m positive Connie would find it hilarious with him shooting finger guns and being a goofball with curly hair and baby cheeks.

Anyways, no one asked for this and I’m screaming into the void but I had to get this out or I would die.

#steven universe #steven universe fanart #steven universe future #connie maheswaran #my writing #steven universe au #su fanart #writers #art #author #steven quartz universe #su steven #steven unvierse au #dark desires #headcanon

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djuvlipen · 1 year

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I’m not sure how to phrase this, sorry, but it’s a sincere question: could you share any thoughts you have on how feminism can work within groups that have sexism/sex inequality very entwined in their culture? For example, the post you shared about the Domari charity in Jerusalem talks about strong cultural expectations that place women lower than men. Obviously this is true to an extent in most/all cultures, but when a culture is distinct from its surrounding/dominant culture and more ‘extreme’ in its sexism, how would you address sex inequality without damaging general culture? How can they be untangled?

Hi anon!

This is a question I've often asked myself and I think many feminists coming from minority cultures are often confronted to. Often times in antiracist movements, any criticism of cultural misogyny coming from women of colour is reframed by men as if it were acts of racism coming from within and as if women of colour had internalized racism for criticizing the misogyny they suffer from. And while it is true that criticism of some aspects of minority cultures can be instrumentalized to justify racism ("X group is backwards/savage/barbarian because they do this or that"), minority men are in return very happy to instrumentalize antiracism to shut down women of colour's concerns. I've seen that from anti-racist Romani males too; according to them, antiracism boils down to defending Romani cultures because Romani cultures have gone through so much, etc.

(I'm going to talk specifically about the Roma here because that's what I'm personally acquainted with, but I think what I'll say can be applied to any other context as well)

First of all, I think we have to actually study sexist practices and understand their history. Men want us to think that culture is sacred; Romani men in particular want our culture to remain unscathed because they think our identity will disappear otherwise. So they push this idea that Romani culture has always been sexist. When you start saying sexist cultural practices have always existed, you're saying that they never evolved with time, meaning that sexism doesn't have a beginning. If it doesn't have a beginning, it doesn't have an end. If it doesn't have a beginning, that means it didn't start with humankind. Saying sexism in culture has always existed naturalizes oppression.

This is one of the biggest lies of the patriarchy, because on the contrary, sexism is an unnatural state of society and we can bring it to an end. Studying sexist cultural practices enables us to understand how and why they came to be adopted.

For example, child marriages in Romani culture originated in slavery (see: Delia Grigore, Margareta Matache). Enslaved Romani people used to marry off their children to ensure their masters wouldn't separate their families. Child marriage was also practiced to try and prevent enslaved Romani daughters from suffering sexual assault from their masters (I don't know how efficient that was, to be honest). Does that mean it's okay to practice child marriages? Absolutely not. What does it tell us? That sexist cultural practices came to be adopted for very specific reasons, and that these reasons can be outdated. Romani men want Romani women to think our culture has always been sexist and therefore we can't fight it, but embrace it. Being aware of our history as a people will show us that this is not true, that a lot of these practices are actually quite recent, were forced onto Romani women by sexism and racism, and that they are outdated. Being aware of our history is one of the most efficient ways to disentangle misogyny from culture.

You could argue that sometimes, these reasons aren't outdated; for example, Romani children are still separated from their parents in many European countries like they were during slavery. This is true, but as feminists and activists, we have to fight for modern solutions: addressing the root of this problem (structural racism, economic inequality, poor housing, little to no access to education) instead of supporting sexist traditions. I'm still talking about child marriages but this holds true for other traditions that have to be denounced as sexist (ie virgnity/purity tests, dowries and arranged marriages).

Then there's the issue that a lot of Romani male activists think that your ethnic/racial identity is defined by your cultural observance. You're Romani if you behave like a Romani person and if you were raised in accordance to Romani culture. Protesting against some elements of Romani culture will get you shunned and you will be considered non-Romani. I've seen this coming from other men of colour in other antiracist movements. Feminism is seen as a white woman thing. These male activists think this because they are insecure and think criticizing or calling to get rid of some practices will result in the destruction of our entire culture. I don't believe this. First of all, I believe a culture is made up of many, many elements, some of which don't have anything to do with the patriarchy (for example, in Romani cultures, the devil is often represented as a toad; this has nothing to do with women or misogyny). So getting rid of cultural misogyny won't result in getting rid of the entire culture; unless these males think the entire culture is sexist, which would be pretty telling! Second, they think women criticizing culture will result in the death of our culture. On the contrary, I think it will lead to renewal. For a long time, women have been punished if we tried to define culture, to lead cultural practices, to make changes. Getting rid of cultural misogyny will give more space for Romani women to finally do those things and to reinvent our cultures in a way that excludes misogyny.

tl;dr I think we can disentangle misogyny from culture by studying our history and understanding why we have adopted sexist practices. I think feminism will lead to major changes in our general culture and that men could see this as a form of damage, but I don't think getting rid of misogyny will completely erase Romani cultures, it will transform it for sure but it will be for the better. We have to accept that there is no way to address sexism without profoundly altering our culture. However, these changes have to come from Romani women, because we know best what it's like to live as a Romani woman in Europe, and because I don't think there's a way for Romani men and from white people to try and change Romani culture without having an ulterior motive

#asks #anon #sorry this is soooo long but it's something that's been on my mind too #roma #i could have gone on and on but i didn't want it to be even longer #also i'm sorry if my english is poor i'm pretty tired haha #cultural misogyny

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